where are they now: update #8 – coworker staring at my chest

by Alison Green on December 22, 2010

Remember the woman whose coworker was constantly staring at her chest? Here’s her update.

I took the direct approach. I went to his office, closed the door, and said, “I really don’t know how to bring this up, but because I think you’re someone who would rather have someone be honest and forthcoming, here it is: I’ve gotten the impression during our conversations that you seem to be somewhat distracted by my chest. I believe you don’t mean to be offensive, and I certainly am not accusing you of sexual harassment, but I wanted you to be aware of my impression for the future.”

He took it surprisingly well; he was obviously a bit embarrassed but as I suspected, he didn’t really seem to know he was doing it. I talked to him later in the week and he actually seemed to be making a concerted effort to look me in the eye! Since then, he’s been more aware of his eye contact issues and we’ve had no problems at all!

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  1. Karen*

    I think your approach was great. Honestly, I think that a lot of men (and even women, if your chest is quite a bit larger than average), might not realize that they're staring. That shouldn't make them immune to correction, it just means that they're just sort of aloof knuckleheads. There's a big difference between a pervert who is acting in a predatory way, and a mildly-socially-inept person who is easily distracted.

    At any rate, glad to hear that he took it well and that you're getting the eye contact you deserve!

  2. Nate*

    I think how you handled this was really great. I (being male) really appreciate this approach. If I were inadvertently staring at your chest, bringing it up to my attention in private in a non-accusatory manner is the best way to go in my book. I would be naturally embarrassed, but thankful.

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