my coworker’s husband hangs out in our office every afternoon — and cuddles with her

by Alison Green on March 19, 2013

A reader writes:

My coworker’s husband comes in every day between 3:30 and 4:30, depending on when he gets out of work, and sits in our open concept, 468 square foot, 6-person office until my coworker is ready to leave around 5. They do not ride into work together.

Sometimes he stands beside her hugging her while she works, and they are always whispering to each other. My desk faces them and it’s distracting to me. Am I wrong or is this inappropriate, and if so how can I ask my coworker or my boss to reduce this visitation?

Eeuwww. Yes, it’s totally inappropriate.

Honestly, it would be a little weird to have this guy in your office for this long every afternoon even if he were just sitting quietly in a corner, keeping to himself. But the whispering and the extended hugging? And she’s supposed to be working while he snuggles with her? It’s not professional and it’s not considerate of others. (Or of basic decorum, for that matter. And it’s making my skin crawl a little.)

I can’t imagine why your boss is okay with your coworker being distracted that way or with the rest of you dealing with the distraction they pose. Does she know it’s happening with this frequency?

In any case, if you’re up for it, you could certainly say something to your coworker, her husband, or her boss, although how it goes over with the first two will depend entirely on how reasonable each is, and how it goes over with your boss will depend on how savvy she is about handling stuff like this.

To the coworker: “Do you think Frank could sit over there (somewhere far from the rest of you) when he meets you here, or even wait downstairs some of the time? I end up getting distracted when he comes in and talks to you every afternoon, and I’ve noticed it makes it harder for me to focus.”

To the husband: “Hey, Frank, could you wait over there? It’s pretty distracting to have you canoodling with Jane while we’re working. Thanks.” (I actually prefer this option to saying something to the coworker, since the husband is the one committing the actions you object to … although ultimately your coworker is the one responsible for not allowing visitors to interfere with the rest of you.)

To your boss: “For the last few months, Jane’s husband has been meeting her at work every afternoon and spending up to 90 minutes hanging out in her space while he waits for her to be ready to leave at 5. It’s pretty distracting, because he stands there whispering and hugging her while the rest of us are working. I feel awkward saying anything to them because I don’t want to strain my relationship with Jane, but it really is distracting and making it hard to focus. I wouldn’t care if it were occasional, but it’s every day. Could you maybe ask her to have him wait for her somewhere else so it’s not interfering with our work?”

If you doubt that speaking to your coworker or her husband will have any effect and so you know you’ll end up needing to say something to your manager next, it might be better to just skip that and jump straight to your manager — since otherwise it’s going to be quite clear to your coworker who instigated the manager’s intervention.

If that intervention comes, of course. Some managers are laissez-faire to the point of neglect, and if you’ve got one of those, then you might end up just needing to live with an hour-plus of inappropriate cuddling and whispering every day. My sympathies if so.

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{ 197 comments }

{ 197 comments… read them below }

  1. Esra*

    Super gross. I get annoyed with couples fooling around on the subway, I don’t think I could contain my contempt if someone were doing it at the desk across from me.

    You are so not wrong thinking this is inappropriate!

  2. Jubilance*

    Wow where the boss in this office? Do they not see this as well?

    As an aside, where are these offices where all this weird stuff happens? The weirdest thing that’s ever happened in my workplaces has been coworkers sleeping on the job…like feet up on the desk, snoring level of sleep. That was…interesting.

    1. Jamie*

      I’m wondering where the boss is, too.

      I’ve never worked in a place where they wouldn’t have put the kibosh on it immediately.

      1. Dana*

        At my last job I had a co-worker who was found sleeping in another co-workers office while that person was away from their desk. She also brought her sick kid to work because she was too sick to go to school. On top of that she ‘worked from home’ on Fridays, but never seemed to be available or get any work done. Our boss DID NOT CARE! Either he couldn’t handle the confrontation or just couldn’t be bothered, but I lost every last bit of respect for him for being passive about it.

        1. Dana*

          One more rant: On a snowy day I got to work to find she had set her husband up in my office at my desk, apparantly she thought I wasn’t going to make it in. All my projects neatly organized on my desk were shoved aside and he was making himself at home on my computer.

          1. Jamie*

            What did your IT think of her doing that? If I walked into something like that the aggrieved party wouldn’t even have to lodge a complaint because if my head didn’t explode I’d be handling that.

            1. Dana*

              That wasn’t a problem, she just had to log him in with her info on my computer. Just annoying for me :)

                1. Jamie*

                  My secret fantasy of being an IT ninja must become reality.

                  I temp in workplaces all over – in totally non-IT functions. In fact when asked to reboot I call IT and pretend to think my monitor is my computer and wonder why turning that off and on again didn’t help. Then when no one is looking I implement security protocols, destroy post-it passwords, and run around windows key-L locking everyone’s computer.

                  I run a group policy that requires everyone to agree to firm but fair usage policy before signing onto the network.

                  All under the cover of secrecy. Like when the brownies helped the shoemaker with his cobbling. (I was a brownie for 1.5 weeks in 1st grade – I’m still entitled to use the analogy.)

                  The masked keyboard monkey. Seriously – my kid draws anime – he can design me an awesome costume…

                2. Dana*

                  Yes Jamie, I love this!
                  I can just imagnine the scene in which my co-workers husband hijacked my computer. Unbeknownst to him the Ninja Keyboard Monkey is behind him slowly decending a rope from the acoustac tiles in the ceiling (this is standard ninja entry procedure, right?). As soon as he becomes aware of another presence in the office the Masked Ninja Monkey flings feces at the offender carefully avoiding the keyboard, screen and anything but the reckless offender. With a gleeful monkey shriek and a cautionary word the Masked Ninja Keyboard Monkey is off to save the IT world one keystroke at a time.

              2. Meg*

                That’s what I love about my computer. Only IT and I have accounts on my computer. No one would be able to sign in on my computer. Win.

              3. ITPuffNStuff*

                No remotely secure IT acceptable use policy allows this. It defeats the entire purpose of having passwords. If the company permits this (very doubtful), they may as well turn off all authentication and just allow any random person access to their data.

                Handling IT security violations like this is a very politically charged issue in many offices. If an IT person saw this, they could not (in many organizations) kick the violator off the machine on the spot (though that would be the most secure response in terms of protecting data).

                In most cases, the only response that will not jeopardize the IT person’s career is to immediately report the violation to management and act only on their explicit orders.

                -ITPuffNStuff

                1. Jamie*

                  IMO someone in IT should absolutely have the authority to kick someone off a machine for violating policy. I wouldn’t hesitate.

                  And I just woke up from a nightmare where all my office passwords were written on a dry erase board and no matter how hard I rubbed with the eraser they wouldn’t come off. AAM invading my sleep again!

            2. Anonymous*

              If you really want your head to explode, you should come work for my company. I work at a relatively large insurance firm. The president of the company, who also served as CFO and CIO, is not required to enter a password to log into anything, because he doesn’t want to. How this has never come out in an audit I have no idea.

              1. Parfait*

                …so he just enters his login and that’s it? Does that not mean anybody who knows his login can access everything as if they were him?

          2. Jazzy Red*

            The cleaning people where I used to work sort of did that, but with their kids. They’d set the kids up at someone’s desk, turn the computer on, and go about their work. When the parents were out of sight, the kids would go through the desks and take whatever caught their eye. The IT people were wondering what in the world was going on, too.

            1. Jamie*

              How would the cleaning people or their kids have access to passwords.

              Pick a desk in my place – any desk – and try to log on locally or to the network. You won’t be able to because if I see a password written on a post-it the offending party has a little chat with me, and no one wants to chat with me when my irish is up over passwords.

              Security, people. Sigh.

              1. Liz*

                I bet they don’t log off at the end of the day, or even lock the screen (which is default here, and required).

                1. Jessa*

                  Then IT should get on that, because most systems I’ve been on will automatically lock if you don’t use them for x time. X usually being somewhere around 30 mins (average lunch time,) or sometimes even less at 15 mins if security is mega-critical. Below that it becomes unwieldy for the worker to the point that it’s useless, but seriously.

                  How does the cleaning staff do that because the systems should be shut down by the time they get there, whether or NOT the worker does anything actively.

                2. Lisa*

                  My office manager got upset when people had passwords on their comps, and made everyone add their PW to the emergency contact list. So it defeats the purpose of a password, supposedly it was so that if you were hit by a bus someone could access your computer. Reality is that everyone here saves everything to the shared drive so her excuse was BS. It should be locked so the cleaning people cant access passwords or anything that could have a cc # on it, but whatever, apparently ‘we can just call amex, to report anything suspicious’, again defeats active security measures since she thinks the clean up wont take too long if anyone goes thru the comps. And of course ‘who would want our client files anyway? Let them look at them’

              2. Gemma*

                I’m in infosec; prior to consulting I picked up a lovely trick – if you don’t lock your computer (or if you have a password post-it) I will take the opportunity to send a company/department/pick an appropriate group email about computer secuity on your behalf. Something along the lines of:

                Dear All

                I have failed to secure my computer effectively by not locking it/writing my password on a post-it stored under the keyboard/other muppet like behaviour. Please consider this a timely reminder to remember to follow correct security protocols; and feel free to remind me when you next see me.

                Love and hugs
                Name of person who has not locked computer

                1. Anne*

                  I have a post-it with a password under my keyboard… but it’s not the password for my network log-in, and good luck figuring out which of my 7 regularly-used programs it’s for.

              3. Elizabeth West*

                I’m bad…
                I had a post-it until I was absolutely sure of my pws, but it was locked up. The keys were locked in with it. The other one was/is on my key ring, which goes home with me every night.

                *throws self out of the way of the Ninja Keyboard Monkey’s poop bomb*

          3. Lisa*

            OMG, I would have just commandeering my boss’s office and when she came in, just say ‘ oh Jane’s husband came in to the office first, so I was bumped from using my own computer. Jane didn’t think it was a big deal, so I assumed she had permission from you and I didn’t want to displace others, so I came in your office until you could assign me a new workspace.”

            But seriously, did you explode? Was the idiot even sorry or apologetic? What did your boss say to this?

      2. CoworkerHeldHostage*

        Ok, So I am the one that asked the question. First let me say WOW thanks askamanager for answering so quickly. Secondly, The managers back is to this wonderful vista. He can’t see it.

        3. Anonicorn*

          Considering the strange idea that he never leaves his desk on his own volition, could you maybe ask him to come to your desk under some work-related pretense while the lovebirds are cuddling? Just on the off chance he might see it and be bothered to do something.

          1. Jamie*

            I’d just walk in to my bosses office while it was going on and point. Hopefully he will be all wtf, ask how often, and put a stop to it. If he doesn’t care then you know he’s an inherently crappy manager.

            This and all the other comments about other relatives who show up at workplaces…am I the only one who can think of a billion things I’d rather be doing than hanging out idle in someone else’s workplace?

                1. tangoecho5*

                  I had a co-worker when I was in retail whose husband would spend hours in the store while she worked. They would walk in togather holding hands and she’d go clock in and he’d follow her around the store as she worked. I found it incredibly creepy. To me it’s controlling and threatening as if he has to be there to make sure she won’t talk to another guy or have fun without him. I always wondered if below that supposed hand holding and lovey dovey-ness if there wasn’t an element of emotional abuse going on.

                2. Kelly O*

                  I have a coworker whose family was notorious for just coming over to wherever she was and hanging out. And, bringing a small child with them, who would rip and roar and get into things and put stuff in his mouth and they all thought it was just adorable. (They would also give a toddler drinks from the soda machine. And candy bars. No joke.)

                  Someone must have said something to her, because after our office moved, it happened for another year or so, and thankfully finally stopped happening so much. It still happens sometimes, but they don’t stay nearly as long and she will leave her desk to deal with whatever. (They still walk in like they own the place and make themselves right to home.)

                3. Rana*

                  I’ve had to hang out at my husband’s workplace a couple of times – his car was in the shop, it’s an hour-long commute one way, and he can’t drive my car (a stick) – but it was not at all my first choice of a way to spend an evening. My own work is portable, and there are lots of empty, unassigned desks at his place (adjunct office) so it wasn’t an inconvenience, strictly speaking, but I was very aware that it was Not My Space and that made being there uncomfortable.

            2. Anonicorn*

              I’d just walk in to my bosses office while it was going on and point.

              That made me laugh! I imagined that scene with a toddler pointing at them. But it might be funnier in my head.

              1. Jamie*

                No – picture a very old toddler with a “duh!” look on her face and that’s the picture I was trying to paint.

    2. some1*

      At my last job, it was casual dress every day. There were a couple people who walked without shoes on more often than not. (Taking shoes off at work has come up on this blog before, and it doesn’t seem to bother many people, but I just think it’s super-strange and way too casual. It’s one thing if you are at your desk, but if you get up and walk around I feel like you should put shoes on.)

      1. Jamie*

        Did they have socks on? Shoeless but in socks wouldn’t bother me (I wouldn’t do it myself, but it wouldn’t squick me out to see others in stockinged feet) – but bare feet? Might as well be naked for how grossed out that would make me.

        2. -X-*

          Another person and I used to be shoeless (with socks) a lot in an old office – it was a couple floors of a mansion with carpeting most everywhere.

          One time my boss brought her little kids into the office, and she told me that when they got home one of the boys asked, with deep concern in his voice, “Mommy, can’t they afford shoes?”

        3. Elizabeth West*

          I used to take my shoes off under my desk–but with socks or knee-highs on. As tempting as it was to walk around in sock feet, in an office adjacent to a wood shop, it wasn’t a good idea. There were always little pieces of crap lying around here and there that I didnt’ want to step on, plus the floor was filthy.

      2. K*

        I usually kick off my shoes after 6pm or if I’m at work on the weekends. I figure it’s a fair trade.

      3. Jazzy Red*

        Considering how infrequently our carpets are cleaned, I would have to have a gun to my head to walk around barefoot here.

      4. Hlyssande*

        I take off my shoes frequently…but I will only walk around if I’m wearing socks. I would never go to the bathroom without shoes. For short trips to the copier or to the coffee room 10 feet past that…yep. Black socks, a-okay. Nobody’s mentioned it yet, so I think I’m good.

        We’re in an office, though. No manufacturing or danger of dangerous debris on the floor.

  3. Chocolate Teapot*

    I would be sorely tempted to start humming the theme from Romeo and Juliet by Prokofiev* every time the bodily contact starts, but then that’s me.

    *It’s the one which always gets played as incidental music during romantic scenes, and unfortunately, given the internet, I can’t give an example.

    2. Rana*

      I once played Bolero down an air vent to let some housemates know that their “activities” were being heard by everyone else in the place. It actually worked; apparently (they explained later) they started laughing so hard they couldn’t continue.

      1. Rana*

        It occurs to me that stopping what one’s doing, resting one’s chin in one’s hands, and just staring at them with an interested expression might be effective as well. ;)

  4. A.*

    Gah-ross. Honestly, I think AAM’s suggestions to the couple in question would definitely (as she said) work on reasonable people — but in my humble opinion, her suggestion about going straight to the manager makes the most sense. Because NO reasonable person would ever ever ever ever EVER do this. Yuck. Ick.

    You could also try shouting, “Get a room!” And if they respond negatively, you can simply suggest that they should talk to your hand. That way at least you would match their maturity level.

    1. A.*

      (Because they are acting like teenagers. )

      (High schoolers.)

      (High school FRESHMEN.)

      (…Just in case that wasn’t extremely clear.)

      1. Lanya*

        This post has been very helpful to me personally, since my younger brother – who is canoodling with his girlfriend all over my parents’ house – is making everyone extremely uncomfortable, yet nobody seems to be able to say anything to him about it. So I can say with absolute confidence that the OP’s coworker and her husband are, indeed, acting like teenagers. (Or, in my case, college seniors.)

        Gross.

        1. CoffeeLover*

          Remember in high school when you couldn’t take two steps without tripping over a groping couple? Ya, that behaviour stopped basically the minute high school stopped. Even at university people tended to keep to themselves (on the main campus… rez was a different story). The gropy-kissy thing just makes everyone uncomfortable. You’re coworker (like everyone over the age of 18) should know that.

          Personally I’m for the direct to them approach. A quick “Can you guys knock it off? I can’t concentrate while you’re entwined and whispering sweet nothings to each other” should do the trick. Though you don’t necessarily have to use that exact language. :P

          1. Jamie*

            I think it stops as soon as you have a place to take it.

            In high school you aren’t yet used to privacy since it’s so hard to find any.

            1. CoffeeLover*

              I think it’s more from a place of not knowing exactly what it means to date someone and that you don’t have to be all over each other whenever you’re in the same room. (I mean it’s not like once you have kids, and privacy again gets harder to come by, you start making out on the bus.)

              1. Jamie*

                Maybe – entry level relationships have a longer learning curve. :)

                And as for kids…they sleep and doors lock. Still more privacy than I had at 15 in either boarding school or home…seemed like there were always too many darn people and they were everywhere.

                1. Kelly O*

                  Unless you have parents who take the lock off the door.

                  Not that I may still be a wee bit bitter about my younger brother getting us BOTH of our door locks removed because he was a being a little jerk once…

                  Daddy told me once I could have all the privacy I wanted when I got my own place, but “as long as you live in my house and put your feet under my table, I will know what you’re doing any time I want, young lady.”

                2. Jamie*

                  I meant locks to keep the kids out…for a little marital privacy.

                  When I was a kid it didn’t matter if doors had locks or not. No boys in the bedroom and any other room the door remained open.

                  Yeah – for people like us, Kel, privacy as adults was probably a bigger deal than for some other people. :)

    1. Nikki*

      You would think…..but husbands wander free on my job too..all hours of the day. It’s 8 am, Did you follow her to work?!
      One person, when her children come to town, they will come in too! When I visit my parents, I don’t make the rounds to everybody’s job, why do people do that?

      I am not talking about coming in just before lunch to walk out together, I mean, first thing in the morning, then 10am, then 2pm, then 3:30.. what?!

      1. Sascha*

        This happens at my workplace too, though not enough to be a problem, and we all have separate offices, so it’s not intrusive like it is for the OP. I don’t quite get it, either. I understand sometimes you want to show your family your work place (I brought my husband around after lunch when I got a schmancy office with real walls), but multiple visits…for hours…I would definitely not want to hang out at my family’s work places and watch them work.

        1. Anon in PA*

          I work at a museum so I have family of all kinds come to visit and take tours…but its a MUSEUM. Recently on a trip to visit my husband’s family it was so strange b/c they wanted me to come and visit all the places THEY works – a hospital, a telephone company, a newspaper office. It was like they wanted to reciprocate because I took them to where I work. Let me reiterate…I work at a MUSEUM. It was so very weird and uncomfortable.

          1. Jamie*

            Well, sure…I love museums. If my sister worked for one I’m sure I’d have gone there (not to bother her) so yes, technically some workplaces are what one would call an attractive draw. Also if a relative worked for a fabulous restaurant (a la SuperDawg) I would visit (without bothering) to support their establishment.

            But if these fictional relatives of mine wanted to turn about and visit my work…well let’s just say a factory which makes non-cute metal things doesn’t have the same kind of educational or delicious appeal.

            I feel for you – weird and uncomfortable says it all. If forced to go to a telephone company or other mundane workplace I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from asking “what’s that?!” with over-exaggerated interest about every. single. thing. I explain to me what a pencil is – I’ve been dying to know!

            1. J*

              Agreed. My sister and mother own a store, and whenever I’m in town, I end up there. Yes, I do some hanging around, but I confine that to finding a corner in the backroom and reading a book quietly (and that’s only because I need rides places and sometimes get stuck waiting). But mostly? I work. I’m there over the holidays, they need extra help, I lend a hand. AND when I just loitering I make sure I do coffee runs or something and include the other staff members in that to make up for me being in their workplace!

              1. Elizabeth West*

                We used to camp out after school in my parents’ store (they owned a Hallmark shop when we were kids). I would walk from school to the library, then to the store, and sit in the back and read until 5 pm. Then whichever parent was running the store that day would close up and we would go home. Other times, I would sit and type silly business letters in the office, or make bows on the bow-making machine, or sneak in the storage room and pop bubble wrap (!!!). Sometimes we helped out in the store.

                Days when I didn’t want to go to the store / had no in-town errands, I would just ride the bus home. It took nearly 45 minutes but no biggie–I usually had a book on my person at all times anyway.

    2. Jamie*

      Good point. Mine gets out about 2-3 hours before I do and he goes home and starts dinner. Everybody wins.

      1. KellyK*

        Yeah, same here, although mine only gets out half an hour to an hour earlier. And he picks up the dogs. Maybe the solution is to get the husband some cooking lessons and/or a pet so that he has something better to do with his time! ;)

        1. Just a Reader*

          Right? I’d rather have dinner on the table when I get home than my husband licking my ear while I’m trying to work.

  9. Lisa*

    468 square feet? I’ve had apartments that were bigger than this!!!

    Seriously, this is too gross. Are your other coworkers equally disgusted? That said, I would probably go to coworker first…some people are just blissfully unaware that their PDA makes other people nauseous. If that doesn’t work, then go to your manager – this is affecting your productivity, and even most half-ass managers start to care when work isn’t getting done.

    1. AnotherAlison*

      My living room is about that size & I’m having a hard time visualizing 6 desks in there! Given the office size, I don’t think the husband could be present at all without being intrusive, but what’s been described would certainly be a (gross) distraction.

      I’m wondering if the manager spends afternoons out making sales calls or something, to not have noticed/put a stop to this already.

      1. Elizabeth West*

        I wonder if they’re pushed back to back, or angled like a big Tetrix boar. Either way, they must be practically on top of each other. That would make this even more annoying.

  10. Angry Writer*

    Yeah, a couple this self-absorbed and clueless wouldn’t take being confronted by the coworker well, IMHO. I mean, why would they care what s/he says, they obviously aren’t considering their needs to begin with if they’re doing this crap. I’d go to the manager, just hope they help. I haven’t had the pleasure (!) of this particular situation, but have had to deal with plenty of jerky children spending their day off of school in the cube with mom or dad. That’s just as gross!

    1. PEBCAK*

      I agree. This is so far outside of social norms that there is no reason to think they’d respond normally to a polite request that they stop.

    2. Lisa*

      I don’t mind the kid thing, because at my office it is never a kid that is under 10 that comes in our office for more than 20 min. We have a coworker whose kid is 14 and sits at her cube sometimes after school or he gets put in a conf room to do homework. He is so quiet doing his homework or online that I sometimes won’t notice he came in. But when there is a snow day, and the kid is 7 and needs constant attention then I care. We are not a daycare, and your manager sucks if they insist the parent comes to work when they could work from home or tell them they must use a sick / pto / vacation day or take it unpaid because again work does not equal daycare.

    3. A Bug!*

      Eh, I think it’s possible that they don’t realize the effect it’s having on everybody else. It can’t hurt to try, and if they really just didn’t realize, it can help preserve the working relationship to keep the boss out of it.

      Worst case scenario, OP gets to go to the boss and say “I brought it up directly with them, but they seem to think I’m overreacting/called me a rude name I don’t want to repeat.”

      1. A.*

        But how can you even have a positive working relationship with someone who behaves SO outside of societal norms? Seriously, I don’t see how them “not realizing” makes it any better – if anything, that speaks to a type of obliviousness that will almost certainly manifest itself in other ways, including potential defensiveness and hostility among other, separate issues. A manager’s job is to deal with situations like these; this is so beyond the pale that it’s more than likely out of the OP’s wheelhouse and depth.

        Though I suppose it is better than if they knew how uncomfortable it made people feel and they did it anyway!

        Either way, I would probably prefer not to engage with them because of the above-mentioned potential unpredictability. There is no way these are reasonable folks, whether it’s from intentional hostility or an inordinate lack of self-awareness.

        1. Angry Writer*

          I agree. At the end of the day, intentional or unintentional obnoxiousness is still obnoxious.

    4. some1*

      “Yeah, a couple this self-absorbed and clueless wouldn’t take being confronted by the coworker well, IMHO. ”

      But OTOH, a manager who has been letting this go on for this long is probably going to tell the LW to deal with it on her own.

      1. fposte*

        Or maybe she’s been assuming it doesn’t bother anybody. (I still don’t think that’s a reason to let it go on, but sometimes a little push like a complaint is all that somebody needs.)

  11. Interviewer*

    I would talk to the boss first. If you do feel comfortable speaking up to her, I think that’s a conversation for before he arrives, not while he’s there.

    In my industry, we handle sensitive client information that we are ethically and legally bound to keep private. A spouse hanging over the shoulder or even sitting at the desk would have too many opportunities to see that information.

  12. Frances*

    At my work (an academic institution) we’ve had a couple of instances where a graduate student’s significant other was hanging around their desk a lot but the problem there was that they were using resources that were only supposed to be available to the students themselves, not actually canoodling. I guess I should be glad that when we revised our building guest policies to curb that behavior we didn’t have to include one about PDA.

  13. Anon*

    Does anyone else think that the husband sounds a little controlling in this scenario? It sounds like he wants to watch her every moment he can and so he goes to her work even though they don’t drive together. If there is any hint of that here, I’d avoid confronting the husband directly.

    1. some1*

      Maybe not so far as controlling but he definitely doesn’t seem to understand boundaries and he seems really clingy. Honestly, most married/living-together couples I know would have to have a couple hours to themselves at home before their significant other gets home. It’s a chance to watch or listen to a program your S.O. may not like, take a nap when it’s quiet, listen to music full blast, call a friend, etc.

      1. A.*

        Where are you getting that? I don’t see any evidence from the OP that the husband seems like a reluctant player; actually, there’s minor evidence to the contrary.

        And as an aside, there are some people (myself obviously included) who consider the term ‘whipped’ to be pretty sexist – it implies that the woman in question is inherently a nagging shrew (which is in itself a worn out stereotype, particularly where there’s no real evidence of that) and also that the man has no agency. Just a thought.

        1. Anon*

          Really? Where I come from, “whipped” is kind of a compliment for a woman, that her charms have her man completely enamored. And it is said jokingly, such as, “Man, your wife/girlfriend got you WHIPPED!”

          Either way, she needs to practice her Whip Appeal at home, not at work. (snaps fingers)

            1. Anon*

              Mmm kay. Back track. I was joking, but I guess I was getting away from the subject. To the OP: This situation is weird. Talk to your manager.

            1. Anon*

              No I come from a place where not everything said is taken as an insult or that the person means me harm.

                2. Rana*

                  Wow, because it implies that the people taking an issue with this are overly sensitive and looking for insults. “Whipped” is sexist, whether one finds it obnoxiously so or not, and pointing that out doesn’t mean that one’s being offended unduly.

      2. Kou*

        Buh? How could you even tell? Is it just assumed that a man wanting to be overly lovey with a woman means she’s forcing him to do it?

        1. HR Pufnstuf*

          Wow!
          Whipped was intended to imply overly enamored, not an insult or sexist statement.

          1. Kou*

            That’s weird, I’ve only ever heard it used as like “your girlfriend is controlling you unreasonably”

            2. KellyK*

              Yeah, I’ve never heard it to mean “overly enamored” either, except with the connotation that you’re *so* enamored of her that you’ll do any stupid or unreasonable thing she asks for.

              Quick way to identify if a word or phrase is sexist. Does it make sense if you apply it to the other sex (with the exception of obviously biological things like “pregnant” or “pee standing up”)? I’ve never heard *anybody* call a woman “whipped.”

              1. Anon*

                I think it’s cute and would gladly use the term “whipped.” Oh-well if it offends someone.

                It’s cute to say “Man you sure do have your guy whipped,” when he does something sweet like bring roses. Just because something is generally used for one gender or another, really doesn’t make it sexist imo.

                By like I said – Oh well if I offend someone with it – not going to keep me from saying it.

    3. A.*

      I didn’t think of this initially, but yeah, a little. I mean, even if this was an occasional thing, it would be extremely inappropriate, icky and beyond-the-pale inconsideration. But I could chalk it up to them being simply unaware buffoons. But every day? EVERY day? That does take it from just weird to concerning, especially since the OP makes the distinction that the husband hugs the c0worker, not that they hug each other. Small language thing, but maybe telling.

      Again, part of why I would just quietly bring it up with my manager and stay out of it as much as possible.

      1. Emma*

        I know age is no indicator of maturity, but seriously…how old are these people? Are they newly-weds? Does he follow her around when she goes to copy something, or waits outside the restroom for her too? I’m also concerned about any confidentiality issues with him looking at information he shouldn’t – whether it’s finance spreadsheets or patient or client information, it doesn’t matter!

        1. Jamie*

          I don’t like people touching my chair when I’m working. As I tell my end users – “if I can feel your breath in my hair you’re too close…take two giant steps back or find something else to do.” And I stop typing until they do.

          And what’s with end users following you while you crawl under their desks to sort a cable issue. This isn’t behind the bleachers and I don’t like you that way…back up or CTFC yourself. Why do people DO that?

          Wow – I am curmudgeonly…no wonder I’m not getting 7.5 hours worth of snuggling per week. Seriously – 7.5 hours? Thank you FiveNine for doing the math – that’s kind of depressing! :)

          1. Brooke*

            “If I can feel your breath in my hair, you’re too close…take two giant steps back or find something else to do.” I LOVE this and am going to be using it in the future. I cannot stand people to be any kind of close to me, much less looking over my shoulder while I’m working!
            Just as a humorous side-note, I could have said this to the bagger guy at the grocery store last night when he was right up behind me asking me if he could help me put my groceries on the check-out line! **creepy**

          2. Hlyssande*

            I wish I could belt out something like that in the moment when the boss or a coworker comes up, puts their hand on my chair, and leans over my shoulder without warning to give me something that needs to be overnighted (I’m the backup) or tell me about something.

            Instead I just shudder, duck, and manage to not shriek. The last time someone did this, I really did feel their breath in my hair.

            NO THANKS.

      1. Jessa*

        I know that when we had only one car and both worked there were issues of someone having to wait for someone every day. We didn’t get off work at the same times, and it meant that someone had to sit at the other office to make it happen.

        We sat in a quiet out of the way place. If they had visitor chairs in the lobby we used one. If not we waited in the car if it wasn’t too cold. But whatever we did, we did NOT impinge on the work space. Or sit and talk to each other when one was working.

        1. Rana*

          Agreed. One’s a guest in your spouse’s workplace, and it’s appropriate to treat it as such, and not make yourself at home in it.

      2. Anon*

        My husband is a needy-not-controlling type, and when we were younger I had to tell him directly that he could not call me 10 times a day, and it is not ok for him to hang around my job. He had never had a professional job where stop-bys weren’t ok, so it didn’t occur to him that it was inappropriate. This kind of thing sounds like something he would have done if I had let him (which I did not, because no, ew). Oddly enough, he now works in my office, and he’s very cognizant of remaining professional and not hanging around my cube for inappropriate amounts of time.

  14. Chinook*

    This is why I appreciated the Canadian military spouse rules about no PDA on base unless at the beginning or ending of a tour. They saw it as a public workspace and even holding hands would get the member in trouble. True, it meant dating my DH was beyond difficult because that was where he lived, but if we could contain ourselves while on a date (movie night with me, him and 100 colleagues – fun!), I would think the couple would be able to control themselves for a half hour.

  15. Anon*

    And here my bf who I only see once every 3-4 months is visiting and I was wondering if it would be okay for him to spend the last hour of the day hanging out in an empty cubicle near me so we could go directly to our plans.

    I had decided against it because I thought it was too unprofessional to bring my SO in to the work place >.<

    p.s. I think I have 400 square feet of empty space surrounding me lol

    1. Judy*

      I guess I would say that an empty cubicle is one thing. My husband’s sister flew in at 1pm once, and he ran to pick her up at the airport. He put her in an empty cubicle, gave her guest access to the wifi, and got back to work. No need for her to get public transportation to our house, no need for him to drive the 30 minutes to take her to our house. It worked well. But it was once.

      1. Sascha*

        Right, just once is usually okay. I don’t see a problem with that. It’s the every day thing…

    2. some1*

      If I was your co-worker I wouldn’t have an issue with this one-time thing with extenuating circumstances. But I’d probably have him wait at a nearby cafe or bar or something to err on the side of caution.

  16. Nikki*

    Why, why do spouses hang out at their spouse’s place of work? It happens here too, not the cuddling. We are all in separate offices, but still. I especially don’t like that it happens after hours, strange men wandering the halls..I don’t know everybody’s kin folk..

  17. Jamie*

    Am I the only one wondering if there is something wrong with my marriage that if I asked my husband to come and snuggle me at work ever (much less daily) he’d wonder what the hell was wrong with me?

    Yeah – I can’t even imagine this with a straight face.

    It was funny – a while back someone told me that someone we know calls their spouse every single day on lunch at the same time. Just to chat and talk about nothing in particular – reconnecting during the day. I momentarily felt bad that my husband has never called me while working just to chat and my friend reminded me that I would HATE that and would rag on him for not respecting that I’m busy.

    So I went home and asked my husband why he never calls me just to talk and he asked why, aren’t I the one he sees at home for dinner? Yeah – romance is alive and well in the burbs.

    Anyway – it reminded me of the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where he caves and works from home and he’s miserable and Debra is miserable and she finally shouts, “I don’t want you to be here, I just want you to want to be here!”

    So yeah, I don’t want my husband to call me every day to talk or to be a snuggle bunny in my office (wtf) for 1.5 hours a day….but I want him to want to!

    1. Anon*

      *blushes* My SO and I call and video chat during lunch every day. It’s sort of really uplifting to spend time with a loved one for an hour a day instead of co-workers. We’ve probably only missed a dozen or so days in the last 2 years.

    2. Katie the Fed*

      I had a boss who sat next to me and talked to his wife no less than 10 times each day. And it was mushy, romantic, high schoolish talk everytime. “No, I love YOU more.” SERIOUSLY?

      That being said, my boyfriend calls me in the late afternoon each day and I love it. But we’re still in that early honeymoon phase of our relationship and it totally brightens my day. :)

          1. Jessica (the celt)*

            You might not if you don’t want to, so don’t worry. ;~) We don’t talk on the phone every day, but my husband and I do IM or text once a day while at work (lunch or break, depends on when we have time). We’ve been married seven years, so I think we’re past the honeymoon stage. That doesn’t stop one of my coworkers from telling me that my husband and I are still newlyweds, because we hold hands when we’re out shopping together. (What can I say? I like the guy.) She shops at the same grocery store, so she’s seen us several times and remarks on it often. One day when he picked me up from work, she told him the same thing. We only have one car, so sometimes that’s inevitable that we have to do a car exchange or one picks the other up, but he doesn’t come in to snuggle or snog me in front of others. We don’t even touch each other when I’m at work. If he has to bring me something, we hand it off and go about our day. I work at a high school, so I consider PDA there to be VERY off-limits. No hand-holding, not even a quick hug or cheek-peck hello or good-bye.

    3. Wilton Businessman*

      IMHO, I think you hit the nail on the head. There is a trust issue somewhere either with him or her.

    4. Xay*

      I talk to my SO almost every day during lunch and we have been together for over a decade. But he would never come to my job and act like that and neither would I.

      1. Liz in the City*

        My hubs and I talk every day during my lunch period for 5-15 minutes, but at least I have the decency to do so in the privacy of my car, not in our open-concept office. And before, when I didn’t drive to work, I went out to the street. Never in the office.

    5. the gold digger*

      While my husband was running for state-level office last fall, I called him every day at lunch as I was walking to the gym. He was asleep when I left for work at 6:45 a.m. and he would be gone when I returned home at 5:30. I was often in bed asleep before he got back home. So it was our only time to talk.

      Now that the election is over, we are back to our usual few messages on FB and then back to work.

    6. AnotherAlison*

      I too talk to my SO most days. He drives a lot during the day, and we usually need a 5 minute chat to make sure we know who’s picking up our youngest, who has somthing going on in the evening, and how the morning went, since I leave before everyone else is up. But, we don’t check in to tell each other how much we love and miss the other. : )

    7. The B*

      Been married for mote than 10 years now and we usually text or phone each other every day while at work. Mind you, sometimes it’s just one line of text.

    8. Anonymous*

      I have one co-worker who through their breaks during the day has very long conversations with their spouse, and both their daughters. Every day.

      Doesn’t really bother me but yes, I do find it weird. Unless I have something specific to deal with or one of us is having a very bad day I don’t contact hubby from when we leave the house to when we get back – its not that long to wait.

    9. tcookson*

      My husband and I usually text each other during the day several times per week (almost daily), and it’s nice and uplifting to have a bit of contact, but I don’t really want to talk on the phone just for idle kicks . . . I’d rather spend my lunch reading AAM and my other advice columns/blogs.

      1. tcookson*

        . . . because the one thing missing in my daily life (with kids and husband at home) is just time to spend alone, thinking my own thoughts and doing what I want to do . . . so I close my office door for an hour at lunchtime and use that time for solitude and self-indulgence.

        1. Jamie*

          This. If not for my commute I would have a breakdown…it’s my alone time.

          Carpooling with my husband for a couple of months did wonders for the gas budget but the lack of solitude was killing me slowly. I have never been so happy to be stuck in traffic alone as I have been since ending the great carpool experiment.

  18. Claire*

    Baffling! I can’t imagine this sounding like a good idea from either side…doesn’t he have better things to do with his time? He’ll see her in an hour when she gets off of work anyway. And her…I mean, maybe if I was married to Ryan Gosling and really wanted to show him off, but otherwise I’d be super embarrassed to have my SO hanging around in my workplace for repeated extended periods of time. I’d worry people were talking about me on the internet… ;)

    1. Sascha*

      If I was married to Ryan Gosling, you can bet I’d have him giving me snuggle hugs. Y’know, to relieve tension after a long work day.

      1. Kelly O*

        If I was married to Ryan Gosling, you can bet your sweet behind I would not be sitting in one of six desks in a small space.

        Okay, scratch that, Jon Hamm. But you get the idea.

  19. KellyK*

    Wow. This is amazingly inappropriate. A quick hug or kiss when one partner drops the other off, sure, that’s within the socially accepted level of PDA. (Though I actually don’t even do that, but wouldn’t think badly of it if someone else did.) Cuddling? In the office? Not only no, but “WTF are you thinking” no.

    And, yeah, your only options are to ask them to knock it off, or let your boss know it’s an issue.

  20. AL Lo*

    I hang out at my husband’s work sometimes. But, to be fair, he works at a non-profit organization that I volunteer with, and I’ve been a member of it for far longer than he has. Also, I don’t hang over his desk while he’s working; I go find a comfy chair, pull out my tablet, and play some Angry Birds. (Or, you know, pull out my laptop and do some of my own work.) It’s actually quite common for spouses to be around the office at times, especially since many of them/us are involved in the organization in some way or another. It’s a very different work environment, however, and the PDA would still be completely inappropriate.

  21. Anonymous*

    My DH and I do the best talking on the phone when we are apart. At home it’s all business and no real conversation. But somehow we have significant conversations via phone. It doesn’t happen every day though…once or twice a week.
    But enough about me…
    How about saying to the amorous couple; “Get a room guys!”. Try to make a light joke but with a point.
    Then the next day “Seriously, can’t you two wait until 5pm?”
    and then the next day “Come on! We’re trying to work here”.
    And then the next day “Ok, enough. Really guys…this is annoying.”

  22. FiveNine*

    1.5 hours a day is 7.5 hours a week — they’re doing this nearly a full work day PER WEEK! Even if the manager is “laissez-faire to the point of neglect,” maybe he/she won’t be when the hard numbers help put it into perspective. 7.5 hours a week X 52 weeks a year = 390 hours a year / 40 hours per week = 9.75 WORK WEEKs a year given over to this canoodling. Even if you generously allow for a full month of work weeks paid vacation when she and her husband aren’t there, they’re spending five work weeks a year canoodling on company time.

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      If you really wanted to put an absolute stop to it, you could have everyone else (or at least a bunch of you) bring in their spouse/significant other and do the exact same thing. The manager would have to put a stop to it at that point, and that would end the coworker’s liaisons too.

      The problem, of course, would be finding volunteers for this.

      1. Jamie*

        Ha – on the rare occasion my husband has stopped into my work to pick me up the uniform gets a lot of people squirrely and everyone wants to know who is getting arrested…

        And a gun holster is the antidote to snuggly feelings…so I’d be out unless we could get my husband to agree to a stand in. :)

        1. Job seeker*

          This thread is so funny. Usually people who feel the need to publicly display affection are doing it for a show I think. I think it is kinda like the teenagers in the mall cuddled together on a bench and kissing. So funny. It is like look at me, how much in love we are. Funny.

          1. Ash*

            I don’t want to sound rude, but that’s just such a sad, cynical view. People who are romantic in public aren’t always trying to show off. I hold hands with my husband in public because I like holding hands with my husband. I sure as hell don’t care what other people think about it or whether or not they know how in love we are. People who do do that are weird, but not everyone who is sweet to their partner is doing it for your enjoyment.

            1. EK*

              I don’t think Job Seeker was referring to hand holding – your behavior sounds appropriate, and in a non-work setting most people probably wouldn’t even note it. I read the previous post to be about people who go out of their way to make public what should be private displays of affection (a quick peck on the cheek in public =/= a sloppy makeout). I’m with JS on the observation that when I see people doing obviously private things in public, I tend to wonder if part of the appeal is the attention.

              1. Job seeker*

                Yes, that is exactly the way I was referring to this. I have been happily married for three decades and I do not think anything about holding hands with my husband in public. That is different.Some things should be done in private though. I do believe some people do certain things for the attention. I am very romantic with my husband but that isn’t in public for a show. Sometimes you feel like saying to those that do the makeout thing in public, please get a room.

              2. Rana*

                Agreed. I think there’s a difference between people who hold hands or walk leaning against each other, or who give each other a greeting hug or kiss, and those like the young couple I was sitting behind on the El smooching each other – with big smacking sounds – every three seconds. Ew.

          2. The B*

            Yeah…what Ash said. I’m just a touchy-feely person and my husband too. I like to hold hands and all that stuff. It makes me happy and I don’t do it for others.

  23. Blank*

    I work in a department with 15 employees, most of whom are, like me, in their twenties. It’s common practice for boyfriends/girlfriends to come in around lunch time and take their partner out of the office for lunch. It’s always been encouraged by our partner-less manager, who seems to enjoy seeing other people spend time with their partners.

    On one hand it’s nice to have the opportunity to spend time with partners/friends, especially during our busy season when we’re often expected to work 7am-9pm. On the other hand, it’s a distraction as there are often 8 or 9 different visitors coming and going from the office over the lunch period.

  24. Lexy*

    I chill at my husband’s office occasionally, but he has his own practice, there’s a couple other attorneys that rent space in the office too, but it’s all closed door offices (like bedroom sized offices), and it’s usually late/weekends and I’m usually helping him with something. He has a second empty office that I’ll do work in occasionally but since his building doesn’t have wifi (I KNOW!!)

    He has never been in my office (to be fair, I work in the field 90% of the time anyway). But I would never do more than give him a quick tour when he’s picking me up/before we get dinner or something like that. No lingering over my shoulder when I work… ew.

  25. Rob*

    This is some weird parallel universe where The Lord of WTF rules, right?

    I mean, congrats for the lovey-dovey. Glad to know things are going well. But has he ever heard of a Gameboy? Couldn’t he be a MAN caught up in love and go home and get something productive done? Change the oil in the car? Start a nice dinner? Hell, he could go drink a beer and just smile knowing his loving partner will be home in an hour or two. But what does he do? He acts like a sick dingo in need of a scratch behind the ears. How do people like that make it this far? Is natural selection taking a day off? I’m sorry; I had to give a lot of spare change on this one. Great advice Alison and fellow commenters.

    1. kasey*

      oh, yes! In addition to the other ways this is just weird, unprofessional and more than the co-workers want to endure; doesn’t he have anything else he could do? And waiting to commute home with wifey does not validate this. At all. Take a walk/run, join a gym the near her office, volunteer, go home…poor dude needs to branch out a bit. I would be sick of that in about 10 seconds.

  26. PPK*

    An earlier poster commented on this — is there any sort of confidential information in the office? Names of clients? Proprietary information? Phone calls that should remain private to the company?

    If there’s anything like that, I would use that to voice my concern. You could go the “innocent question” route and ask how you should protect said data (files, phone calls, computers, whatever) when guests are in the office. I mean, you could avoid a company phone call, but then you can’t call anyone for the last 90 minutes of the day. Or you could avoid using private files, but then you can’t use them for the last 90 minutes of the day. There’s a chance the boss will give you an action plan to protect data from someone who’s there that long, but what you really want is to trigger the…”Wait, how long are they here? Every day?” I suppose if the boss is in the office and sees this everyday….then I don’t know.

  27. Lisa*

    I have a women in my office whose sister is routinely in our office, and I mean routinely. I think she babysits my coworkers kids or something at a certain point in the day, after they get out of school, but for some reason comes to our office to pass the time before she picks them up. She just wanders around all day, in the cafeteria, by the front door, at her sisters desk, in an empty conference room, it’s so weird. The joke going around is she is a part timer who doesn’t have a desk yet. I was in a meeting with that coworker once when the sister interrupted us to switch shoes with her, she was leaving and wanted the shoes her sister was wearing, it was so freaking weird and awkward. This is still going on too, and no one from management seems to have an issue with it, although like I said, it’s become a very public joke. You just have to wonder sometimes, how could any reasonable person think this is alright?

  28. Nikki*

    I think I would be tempted to look around and say, “Is anybody else seeing this? Anybody? Beuller, Beuller…”

  29. DA*

    Once in a blue moon to come in and say hello and hang out for a few minutes? Sure, nobody is going to be bothered by that.

    But daily? For over an hour? Getting to at least first base? Come on now…

  30. Chocolate Teapot*

    Right, since it is impossible to say “that one that goes Nurr, Nurr, Ne-Nur-Ne-Nur-Ne-Nerr” over the internet, here’s what I mean.

    It transpires that I got the wrong Russian Composer, it’s in fact Tchaikovsky’s Romeo and Juliet, but then my knowledge of Russian composers is a little hazy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmLsvQaxw3g

    And if that fails, then resort to Barry White!

    1. Anonymous*

      Yah Barry White!

      I’m guessing I am the only one on this thread that has used their workplace for more than work at some point. However A) not on my worktime! and B) not in front of my co-workers!

      1. Jamie*

        Ew! And this is why I removed the couch from my office before I had keypad locks installed on my door. Anywhere but here in case others had that idea.

        Oh – and I really hope you knew where the cameras were before you got down to it…because the security guys don’t need to know anyone that well! :)

        1. Anonymous*

          Don’t worry Jamie, I never used the network!

          Oh I want to make a password protected joke…… :-D

    2. Gobbledigook*

      although I think this is hilarious, singing at them may make them think you’re just joking and are cool with it if they’re as dense as they sound.

  31. Liz in the City*

    Bets that the OP’s manager will respond with “well, if we had offices, I’d give her one,” as if hiding this behavior would be the solution.

  32. tangoecho5*

    Acck, the OP better pray hugging hubby doesn’t lose his job or he’ll be there non-stop all day long!

  33. AG*

    I won’t lie, part of the reason I read AAM is for the stories like this. It makes me feel less awful about the crazy stuff that happened at my last workplace. This is too much.

    I would go straight to the manager though. This is something that needs to come from above.

  34. The B*

    Maybe he’s using the strategy my brother used to get a job many years ago! His wife was working at a large non-profit, he was unemployed, so he’d usually come to pick her up, come a bit early and help around the office. Stuff envelopes and that kind of stuff. Eventually he got a job for the same organization, but working in another department.

    I suggest putting the man to work!

  35. Gobbledigook*

    Agree with all above who are in favour of going to your manager, Super inappropriate. This has prompted a related question though:

    what is considered canoodling? If I’m on the bus with my bf and he puts his arm around me for the duration of the bis ride is that canoodling? Is that an inappropriate PDA? I’ve never thought so but now I wonder….

    1. Cb*

      Right? I am confused by this. My boyfriend is more PDA inclined than I am but is holding hands, a kiss on the cheek and arms around each other inappropriate?

      1. EK*

        I’m hardly the final arbiter of acceptibility, but you both sound like you’re describing things most everyone is okay with.

        For one thing, anybody with the self-awareness to ask “is my behavior okay?” is probably more than fine. That said, a lot of people seem to think that behavior above and beyond the PG-13 level is appropriate in public. Kiss on the cheek, holding hands, arm around the other – go on, you crazy lovebirds! Groping, French-kissing (does anyone use that term anymore? Seems antiquated…), and anything else that seems like foreplay is what tends to make other people uncomfortable.

      2. Dana*

        Generally, if you would do it in front of your grandmother it’s probably ok for public. If moisty noises are involved then not ok.

        1. Rana*

          +1 If it’s dry and silent and doesn’t bare flesh normally exposed, or make me feel like I’m watching a porno, I’m not going to be too bothered by it.

  36. AMG*

    Can we get an update on this, OP? I am betting that the manager doesn’t do anything, but I’d love to hear how it plays out. So strange.

  37. jesicka309*

    Haha this post is full of win (especially the comments).

    Idon’t know if I could stand being around my partner while he’s at work, let alone have him at mine. I can barely do my homework at home with him in the house! Leave me alone!

    I also feel like I’m aq different person at work, and he is at his work too.n It would almost be a violation of the few things that we keep to ourselves – our careers are the one place we can get away from each other! To lose that by having him hanging around all the time would be bad for my sanity…there’s something to be said for “absence makes the heart grow fonder”!

    1. JessB*

      I have come back to this post about 3 times over 2 days to keep reading the comments.

      It’s been awesome.

  38. Kat*

    I’ve waited for my boyfriend at his workplace when we have plans. Only because he works IT and it’s always one more quick thing. I pull out my iPad and grab a beer in the corner.

  39. anonymous*

    Suggest to the boss that her hours be cut for that hour and 1/2 every day, since you doubt she can be very productive during that time and it’s really affecting your productivity and probably other coworkers, also.

    Take the husband aside and ask if he’s trying to get her fired. If he really wanted to show his love he’d go home and start dinner so it would be ready when she got home.

  40. Julia*

    So glad I found this. The offending spouse hanger is our CFO’s, who comes in several times a week and feels free to invite himself to our bimonthly potluck lunches. And this behavior isn’t unique to him. My CFO has had 4 spouses in the last 15 years and all but one have hung out at the office, gone to company events (only spouse), etc. I used to laugh at it, but now I just want to claw his eyes out when I see him. From his cheesy laugh to his rude political and religious comments (he’s a former liberal school teacher who was born Jewish, hates Christians and renounced his own faith EXCEPT if you say anything that can be considered antisemitism and then he’s a Jew) to his lengthy conversations in the hallway outside my office with colleagues, I just don’t want to see him. He recently lectured my office mate because she went to ChicFilA for HER lunch and he didn’t agree with them politically. Once he even walked in while I was having a private conversation with our CFO and I (not my senior officer) had to ask him to leave. He actually started laughing and said that he knew what it was about because they discussed it the night before! The President and VP won’t do anything about it because they don’t think it’s weird (we’re a small company and neither the Pres or VP have worked for anyone else in their lives). My frustration ramped up last October when right before our biggest event, the guy was there daily and he helped himself to some things that weren’t his, and the CFO didn’t even apologize for letting him take the items, nor did she have to call our client to get another shipment. Oh man, I could go on, but I’m happy just to find out that this isn’t normal and that others have experienced this! Thanks for letting me vent so I don’t burst before I find another job!

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