update: my coworker watches porn in our shared office

by Alison Green on October 9, 2013

Remember the reader whose coworker watched porn in their shared office? You’re going to love this update:

It’s been an incredibly interesting year. I donated a kidney to my brother-in-law back in April, and while my company did not have to keep me due to current FMLA rules, they did! I even got to keep all of my benefits and received a small annual raise during reviews while gone. I thanked my boss, and she said it was a testament to all my hard work at the company. Wow!

Fast forward to last week, my boss offered me a promotion to office supervisor! I took it with a little hesitation, as I would be supervising this coworker. We hit our first rough patch today. He blew up and we immediately had a sit down discussion with my boss to discuss concerns and issues. I do not think this will be an easy road for him. He opened up about a fair amount of resentment towards me today which worries me, but it is at least helpful to understand him better. My boss has been providing good feedback and has been a great support during this shift in roles (I have never really supervised anyone before). It’s an unusual situation, but I think it will work out in the end.

And here’s an update to the update, sent after the one above:

He quit!

Things are looking up!  The replacement is two days on the job and picking up everything quickly and accurately.  Couldn’t be happier!

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{ 44 comments }

{ 44 comments… read them below }

  1. fposte*

    Score for you! And completely unexpected, given how unresponsive the upper echelon seemed to be to the initial problem.

    And I hope you and your BIL are doing well now.

  2. Harryv*

    That is surprising. I’ve heard of a situation from my friend, who is in IT himself, of catching enormous amount of porn in a VP’s laptop. The VP was escorted out after HR found out about the porn. Some companies do not take this lightly.

  5. Anonymous*

    Why did he resent you? Was it because of your qualifications, skills, performance, beauty, charm, class, race, etc?

  6. Jamie*

    Of all the OPs you’re one I’ve thought about so often and hoped you were okay. I just had such a bad feeling about the situation you were in.

    I am thrilled to hear how it worked out for you!! Congrats on the promotion and I, too, hope you and your brother-in-law are doing well.

    If there is justice in the universe he’ll try this crap at his next job having been lulled into a false sense of security and will end up with a very unpleasant meeting with his manager and an IT of my ilk who would have no problem generating the records which will get his escorted out the door. TiC – because I really hope he doesn’t ever subject another woman to that behavior.

    1. Arbynka*

      This. I am so happy to hear OP is doing well but I was also hoping to hear that management addressed the problem and
      a) he knocked it off
      b) he did not knock it off and they showed him the door.

    2. anon..*

      Is TiC an acronym or a typo? I googled it but didn’t find anything that made sense in this context. Thx!

  7. Cat*

    I’m thrilled for the letter writer, but have a question for the group: does FMLA not cover kidney donation generally (or is this likely to be a size of company or length of time with company situation)? Because if the former, what an awful bit of public policy.

    1. Elizabeth Ann*

      I believe OP mentioned in the previous post being off on FMLA, perhaps she had used all of her time?

    2. fposte*

      Federally, no. It covers getting a kidney but not giving one (doesn’t cover “voluntary organ donation”). I believe some state FMLAs might, but overall, it’s up to the employer whether to allow that time off or not.

      2. Ruffingit*

        You’d have to be a complete asshat not to let an employee have the time off to give someone an organ. I’m thinking if I worked for a place that didn’t allow that, I’d alert the news media for some public shaming. It’s such a selfless thing, to be a live organ donor, I think we need to support that as a society in general.

        2. Cat*

          That might be a good way to handle it; it might ultimately burn your bridges with that employer, but sometimes that’s worth it.

          1. Ruffingit*

            It would definitely burn the bridge – incinerate it actually, but I think that could be handled with the next employer as in “Why did you quit/were laid off from that job?” “Well, I donated a kidney to my BIL and they refused to give me the time off to do it so I had to leave.” Any sane, compassionate person would accept that as an excuse for bridge burning I’m thinking :)

        1. fposte*

          I wonder if it just didn’t occur to anybody that this would be a consequence. The act itself doesn’t itemize–it’s just that you need to have a serious health condition, and I presume the denial logic is that a donor doesn’t have one.

          1. KellyK*

            Makes sense. Although, if that’s the logic, a donor could argue that *after* the surgery they do have a serious medical condition–that is, a missing organ and a surgery to recover from.

            1. fposte*

              I think elective surgeries have been exempted generally, though. But all of this tends to get hammered out when the law gets interpreted into policy, and I don’t know exactly how that part happens.

          2. Ruffingit*

            Yeah, I’m guessing that’s the logic. But I’m thinking any reasonable employer would allow leave time for this and if they didn’t, they ought to be publicly shamed (see my post below). Because seriously, it’s a matter of life and death. If I was a living organ donor for someone and my job didn’t allow time off, I’d take it anyway as would most people. And any job that didn’t allow that contains a bunch of assholes who should be forced to slowly die due to organ failure.

            I admit to a dirty lens here in that I had a close family friend who had a kidney transplant and it’s possible my mother may need a liver transplant (we’re hoping not, but it’s on the table as a possibility) and I would be the one to volunteer for that. I would hope that my job would have some compassion.

    3. AJ-in-Memphis*

      Size, I think. If an org has 49 or less employees, they don’t have to honor or offer FMLA

  8. MR*

    So what happened with the porn situation? It’s a bit of a mute point since that person quit, but did he keep watching porn? If so, why wasn’t it addressed back in January?

  9. Elizabeth West*

    Porny McPornerson is gone? Yay!!!! Ha ha, I was wondering about this one just the other day.

    That’s incredibly generous of you to donate an organ like that, OP. Kudos to you and I hope the two of you are feeling better.

      1. Jean*

        Yes, that was funny. I will save this for some time in the future when I need some comic relief.

  10. Nikki T*

    I was going to ask for an update to the update, and it was already there! Glad it turned out well, though there still seem to be unanswered questions…

  11. Ruffingit*

    Happy to hear he quit, that was a situation that was just going to get messy, if you’ll pardon the pun. I do wonder though what resentments he had toward the OP since she mentioned he talked about resentments at the meeting they had with the boss. In any case, I’m glad he’s gone, that just makes it easier for everyone. A more placid (flacid too) work environment ;)

  12. ChristineSW*

    Great update!! Yeah, I’m a little fuzzy too about whether the porn issue was ever addressed. Sounds like something was brought up during their meetings, but can’t say for sure. Congrats on the promotion, btw!

    Also, very awesome of you to donate your kidney to your BIL. Best wishes to you both.

  13. PJ*

    Such a great outcome! But honestly, what options did he have when he found out that he was going to have to report to someone he’d been so disgustingly awful to? Who cares if the porn issue was addressed? HE’S GONE!!!!!

    Best wishes in your new position, LW!

  15. op*

    To clear a few things up:
    When everyone’s desks were turned so that the monitors faced the door, the inappropriate viewing stopped. The creepy behaviors tapered off pretty quickly after the original post, I became a little more assertive in my comments to him as well. “I see you watching my monitors, did you need something?” After a couple times of asking, the staring stopped. The attitude remained though unfortunately. I continued to volunteer to help the boss, which I believe helped facilitate the promotion. I think he was upset that he was never awarded the opportunity for growth, but never made the effort.
    At least in my state, organ donation is not covered under FMLA, regardless of the size of the company.
    It is covered by short term disability though which was quite a blessing.
    My brother and law and I are both doing well. Remember to check the donor box when getting your license renewed if you can! It truly does help save lives! Stepping off the soapbox now…
    thank you everyone for the well wishes!

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