3 more updates from letter-writers

by Alison Green on December 29, 2014

Here are another three updates from people who had their letters answered here this year.

1. When a coworker missed a deadline, I told her it’s a good thing she’s pretty

My situation worked out fine. Not a whole lot to tell. Appreciated your input. I will admit I was shocked by the response of commenters to what was not meant as a serious insult. That said, it was made pretty obvious that I underestimated the seriousness of commenting on appearance at all, which I appreciated. Bit of a wake up call.

I obviously did not challenge the writing up after that little avalanche of criticism. I had already signed it, so challenging it would have been tricky by that point anyway, despite it not being the right response to the situation. I did take your advice on making sure my manager knew I recognized and regretted the comment that was made and things have been pretty smooth since then. I am a high performer, so he appreciated it was a one-off.

As for the woman who the callous comment was directed at, she and I have been fine. I’m no longer angry she went to my manager instead of addressing the issue directly with me. I can understand she wasn’t sure of herself in the moment. I don’t consider myself to be an intimidating person, but it’s something for me to consider in how I come across in future. Her work has also been better, so we haven’t had any conflicts since. I will be looking to better manage my response next time if she is to drop the ball again. Overall, I appreciated getting an outside perspective, despite the criticism, it did help me to see where I went wrong. You provide a valuable resource, so thanks for that.

2. My employer wants me to repay business expenses because I’m resigning

I took the advice provided from Ask a Manager and in the comments, and I’m so glad I did. While I worked hard to ensure a smooth transition as I was leaving, I declined saying anything definitive about the money one way or the other. This was not difficult, as this policy is deeply unpopular even among senior management. I did receive an email from the Human Resource Director about three weeks after my last day reminding me (clearly sent at the CEO’s behest). I politely but firmly referred her to a lawyer, and the matter was dropped.

I understand that they have increased the “repayment policy” from six months to eight months, and are now “requiring” departing employees to pay not just the cost of the plane ticket but all other expenses as well (hotels, meals, etc.).

I shared your advice to several colleagues in the same situation as me. It helped them tremendously as well.

So glad to be out of there. Thanks again for all your support, everyone!

3. How can I get to know people in my new office? (#2 at the link)

I did bring food, like homemade cookies and other treats. While some of my colleagues were appreciative, the gesture backfired with others who seemed to associate it with their (house)wives, including a member of the management team. Then again, said member is also the same person who suggested I should enjoy a song because “all Chinese people like it” (I’m of Asian descent), portray a hooker in an advertising video for an Asian client, etc.

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  1. J-nonymous*

    OP #1 – I’m so glad you took the feedback and reassessed the situation (and your response to it) as a result.

    1. some1*

      Agreed. It sounded like he wanted to try to push back on the write-up, and I am glad he didn’t because I think that would have made the situation worse.

    5. annonymouse*

      Is it just me or does he sound like he still doesn’t get it?

      Just a few things he’s written are rubbing me the wrong way:

      “Shocked by the response to what wasn’t meant to be a serious comment.”

      (But it was still dismissive and sexist)

      “Challenging it (the write up) would have been tricky by that point anyway, despite it not being the right response to the situation.”

      (So…. This was also a deciding factor as much as you really shouldn’t because it was justified?)

      “I can understand she wasn’t sure of herself in the moment.”

      (Being objectified and dismissed will do that to a person)

      “Overall, I appreciated getting an outside perspective, despite the criticism, it did help me to see where I went wrong. You provide a valuable resource, so thanks for that.”

      (So…. How are we supposed to give you feedback without criticism, particularly when you were very much wrong? Also his ending seemed a bit dismissive towards Alison as well. To me any way)

  2. Dutch Thunder*

    Sounds like OP #3 might want to consider getting to know people in yet another new office very soon, with management like that. Yikes.

  3. fposte*

    #3 makes me think about baking and gender again. I noticed that in AAM’s original response she used bagels as an example rather than cookies, and I think that may have been deliberate–bagels read as less housewifey, to draw on the OP’s term, and more meeting fodder. But it also sounds like there are some jackasses in that office that it wouldn’t be worth exerting yourself to connect with.

    1. Observer*

      Yes, I have to believe that anyone who makes the kinds of comments that the OP mentions is not worth getting to know. It’s also a waste of time, as it’s pretty clear that nothing is going to please that particular person.

    2. Stephanie*

      I LOVE to bake, but I learned the hard way that it’s a bad idea to bring in baked goods to the office. This may have just been my office, however–heavily male, most employees had science and engineering backgrounds, and it was a place where being great at your job was way more important than being sociable or likable. So being known for good cookies wasn’t a plus. Luckily, no one associated it with their housewives (!!!) like OP3’s office.

      OP3, try to get out of there ASAP. They asked you to play a hooker in a video because you’re Asian? So wrong on so many levels….

        1. some1*

          Even worse is that it sounds like the LW isn’t even necessarily Chinese. Not all Asian people are Chinese, like not all Hispanic people are Mexican.

    3. Melissa*

      Yeah, I have to catch myself on this because I love to bake and I love feeding other people, but I think Alison’s advice on this is really sound. Several times I have been tempted to bring in baked goods to the office, but have refrained. (However, I do work in an office dominated by female scientists and statisticians, so there is that!)

  5. Jeanne*

    I’m still astonished at #2. Asking people to repay business expenses is just wrong.

    For #4, so glad you have a good boss and you can try to maintain your health and your job.

  6. Transformer*

    # 3 – the person from the management team that is saying the racist comments is putting your engineering company at risk legally. I think her behavior is unacceptable. From the original letter it seems like you are the attorney for this small engineering company. I think you have a duty to speak up in role as attorney and tell this leader exactly why their behavior could put the company at risk. I think that if you inform them objectively they will probably stop making the comments towards you personally.

    1. hayling*

      I think that the OP should go to HR and make a formal complaint. Forget “company risk,” that’s just plain racist and rude and the OP should not have to deal with that.

      1. Transformer*

        I was assuming that since it was a small firm there wouldn’t be an HR office. I am assuming that as an attorney, the OP might be the best source for legal advice for management

      1. sunny-dee*

        The company could be sued for creating a hostile work environment, sexual harassment, all kinds of things. It could even be used for EEOC complaints for people who were fired or weren’t hired, to show bias in hiring processes (regardless of whether that actually affected hiring).

        It’s a bad thing.

  7. AW*

    despite it not being the right response to the situation

    Still not getting why the OP still feels this way. The rest of the letter seems to indicate that they understand their comment was out of line, even if they don’t fully grasp why, but they still think something else should have happened.

    LW#2 – I’m wondering what kind of financial trouble this company is in that they’re trying to do this. If their turnover is high enough that this is costing them money then maybe they should try to reduce turnover and/or start limiting how often they make employees travel. Glad it worked out.

    the gesture backfired with others who seemed to associate it with their (house)wives

    These people are sexist jerks.

    Then again, said member is also the same person who suggested I should enjoy a song because “all Chinese people like it” (I’m of Asian descent), portray a hooker in an advertising video for an Asian client, etc.

    Wow, yeah, definitely don’t worry about trying to get on friendly terms with this person. Be cordial and professional, make sure your work is good, and focus your efforts in creating good working relationships with the non-sexist/non-racist co-workers. You want those people on your side when this person decides to blame a problem on the fact that you’re female and/or Asian. (Whether or not you decide to go to HR about this now, still document it whenever they say/do something like this.) Changing employers isn’t bad advice but LW#3 might not be able to right away and there’s no guarantee that they’ll find a job with zero racist/sexist co-workers.

    1. Bend & Snap*

      #1 I get the same sense, that the OP doesn’t really understand why it was out of line or that the punishment fit the crime.

    2. illini02*

      #1 I really just think that you can acknowledge you did something wrong, and understand why it was wrong, but think the punishment is disproportionate. Its not one or the other. You don’t have to feel that because you made a mistake that ANY response is justified. I’ve definitely had work punishments that I know I did wrong, but still think management overreacted as a way of making a point. That is managements prerogative, just like its my prerogative to disagree with how they handled it. Plus, there are some people, myself included, who just think that people should give you the chance to apologize before you escalate the situation to management. Not saying either way is right or wrong, but thats how some people feel. He seemed to learn from it, no need to criticize him some more.

      2. Clerica*

        I see both sides of that. On the one hand, let’s say someone makes a snarky comment meant to tease, which my team does a lot. One day you hit the wrong nerve with someone and they go straight to management. Well, that’s where you might say (to yourself): “I guess I know why I shouldn’t have said that particular thing, but jeez, she couldn’t just tell me I’d hit a nerve?” Because for me, if you tell me that, and we were close enough to be teasing anyway, I’m going to really feel bad and not touch the subject again. But if you go straight to the top and cause trouble for me with the higher-ups, then there’s always going to be strained relations between us after that. Because like you said, there’s admitting you screwed up, and then saying “But did I really deserve to get nuked over it?”

        That said, this situation is a little different because they’re obviously not close and he was actually pissed at her. I don’t remember if the OP was male or female, because a female could easily make this comment too, but to make a sexist comment to someone you aren’t close with and that isn’t a previously set up joke (like they once got told by someone that they’re pretty enough to get away with mistakes so now that’s the running joke) isn’t okay. OP sounds like they understand it wasn’t smart but don’t get why it wasn’t okay. And the update read kind of like “Well, insecure bitches gonna overreact, and as long as she does better I won’t get myself in trouble again.” I don’t honestly care what happens to OP or what they took away from the whole thing. I don’t take some kind of vindictive pleasure in seeing someone who wrote in here “learn their lesson.” But I just wonder why they felt they had to update us. It’s like the woman whose friend didn’t want to take a job she wasn’t passionate about. I’m pretty sure I mentioned it at the time, but the update read like “You guys made some great points. But even though I took the high road with my friend, I was still right.” It’s a vindication disguised as an update.

        1. illini02*

          Fair point. It just seems that Alison asks for updates to questions she has answered. She doesn’t qualify it by saying that the updates have to fit a certain criteria. This guy was nice enough to respond to that request. If you don’t think he took enough from the lashing he received, thats fine, but I don’t think he needs to get criticized again because he isn’t as sorry as people seem to think he should be.

        2. Observer*

          It didn’t seem like it at all, to me. He specifically said that he realizes that he needs to think about how he comes off, in terms of being possibly unintentionally intimidating, and that he should never comment on someone’s looks at work again. Sounds like a fairly adult reaction.

      3. INTP*

        I think the issue here is that due to the nature of the comment, an entry-level woman might legitimately feel like she needs to consult with a trusted mentor or manager before responding publicly in any way. It might just seem like an insult from the OP’s point of view, but is a concerning sexist comment from the woman’s. Making accusations of sexism without hard proof or “overreacting” to comments doesn’t exactly tend to work out in women’s favor in most work environments. In general, with more innocuous types of insults (not that there is any work-appropriate insult), I would say that it is ideal to resolve things directly before bringing management into it. Failure to see that this situation is different, though, indicates that the OP still doesn’t understand the full gravity of the comment imo. And that lack of understanding fuels those environments in which women can’t safely refute sexism without hard proof so it’s going to frustrate women.

      4. AW*

        He seemed to learn from it, no need to criticize him some more.

        I wasn’t criticizing them. There’s a difference between not understanding why someone thinks a certain way and saying that someone’s wrong for thinking a certain way.

    3. INTP*

      I get the sense that OP #1 still isn’t seeing this from the POV of a woman. Which is not to be expected, assuming the OP is a man, but when you can’t fully comprehend something from the POV of the less-advantaged group, the proper thing to do is keep your mouth shut about it, imo.

      By “from the POV of a woman,” I mean that from the start, it is extremely disconcerting when a coworker makes a comment that indicates that he is evaluating your attractiveness and considers it part of your qualifications on top of that. It’s not just the comment but the thought process behind it. However, you know that getting a reputation as a woman who is less than agreeable, particularly from a feminist standpoint, is career suicide. You’ve been socialized never to “cause a scene” about a comment like this unless you’re absolutely sure it’s A Thing, and even if you are sure, you know that in many corporate cultures, reporting it or arguing about it would mark you as a disagreeable feminazi anyways. So you say nothing in the moment but bring your concerns to a trusted mentor later. Luckily, the trusted mentor supports you.

      I get why someone who sees this as an innocuous comment would expect to be consulted first, but from a female perspective, there is all kinds of other baggage in this situation, it isn’t just a personal disagreement.

      1. illini02*

        I guess here is where I question what you are saying. She went to a manager, not a trusted mentor as you are claiming. I have no problem with going to a mentor to find out the best way to handle that situation, but this is a different case, its a manager. Even if the manager IS her mentor, an impartial view can’t be taken because they are managing both individuals. An impartial person could easily give advice on handling it. A manager, as was done in this case, would probably feel the need to act on it. I’m not saying a manager can’t be a mentor, but if that is the argument, then they can’t be the person you go to for advice in all situations either.

        Aside from that, I don’t really see what you all want from this guy. He said he learned a lesson and has moved on. You seem to feel that he needs to pay more of a price or something. Again, he responded because Alison asked him to, and yet and still people are saying “he isn’t sorry enough” and he needs to keep his mouth shut.

        1. SaintPaulGal*

          I think what may be getting people’s dander up is the feeling that while the OP learned “a” lesson he does not appear to have learned “the” lesson. What he seems to have taken away from this experience is a complete straw man lesson about commenting on a coworker’s appearance. While it is generally best practices not to discuss people’s physical attributes at work, that is So Not The Issue here. Saying “You are looking radiant today, Patricia” may be ill-advised or completely fine depending on the context. But saying what amounts to “You only have this job because you arouse us, Patricia” is a completely different–and worlds more creepy/awful–situation. The OP does not appear to recognize or acknowledge that there is a difference, and that is what I find offensive.

          1. Illini02*

            If he learned not to say it though, why does it matter? I think you are basically deciding what someone should take from a situation, which isn’t right. 2 people can come out of the same situation with different takeaways or attitudes after. Who are you, or anyone on this board, to say that he didn’t learn THE lesson. If his takeaway was that he shouldn’t comment on co-workers appearance, I think that is perfectly acceptable. He came out of the situation learning SOMETHING. He can take that and move on in life with that much more knowledge. People being mad that its not what they believe he should have learned is absurd. He will never “get” what its like to be a woman, but people seem to want him to be able to get into that mindset. Why can’t people just be happy that he owned his mistake and is moving on to hopefully not make the same mistake again.

            1. INTP*

              While one can never “get” what it’s like to be part of a disadvantaged group, one can certainly learn the humility to accept that they’ll never get it and that maybe things are wrong in ways that they don’t understand. I don’t see that happening here. And while I’m a woman, I’m also on the advantaged side of other factors. I try not to assume a person is wrong or overreactive just because I don’t personally get it.

              1. illini02*

                What do you want him to say? I’m not being snarky ,being serious. Alison asked him for an update. He gave an update. Do you think he should have ignored her request because he didn’t have your required level of humility? He gave his account of how things have gone since then.

                Its just frustrating to me (who also is a minority) when people decide how people should learn and grow from their situation. Thats not your place to make that decision.

                2. mel*

                  The first part of that update sounded really humble and civilized…

                  … the second part went on to talk about how much of a high performer he is, and how much credit he deserves for being so open minded, and how his feelings toward her is the only part of the relationship that actually matters, and then he puts her down as an inevitably poor worker who is highly likely to “drop the ball”. All of which makes the humble and civilized first part suddenly seem carefully crafted to elevate himself to higher class than everyone else involved.

                3. illini02*

                  Well, I guess I didn’t see it that way. I saw the “high performer” comment as saying that his work is good overall, so a one off lapse won’t hurt him too much. He didn’t say the co-worker is a poor worker who is likely to drop the ball, he said if she does it again, he will handle it differently. I know people read things from a certain lens, it just seems that people are being hard on this guy for no reason.

            2. A Cita*

              If he learned not to say it though, why does it matter?

              Yes, I agree. Is it ideal? No But I’ve learned the hard way you can’t force people to think, feel, or understand things in the way you want them to. You can only hope to change their actions. OP changed his actions. I get that there may be consequences for not getting WHY, but that’s really a chicken or egg argument. There is plenty of evidence that mindsets change over time partially as a result of continually changed behavior.

        2. INTP*

          It’s not a legal trial, though. It’s a write-up. Complete impartiality is not required. Ideally someone has a trusted mentor but sometimes the only person available, that an entry-level person has a professional relationship with and who also knows that company’s culture is going to be a manager. I don’t see how it’s unreasonable to go to a manager and say, “I don’t know if this is considered a big deal or not, but it made me really uncomfortable…” and see how it’s taken. She doesn’t owe it to someone who deliberately insulted her to blow off steam to protect him from any consequence to his actions, especially at cost to herself. If you don’t want people talking to their managers about you, it’s best to learn to control yourself.

          I think that what people want is for him to have learned WHY it was so wrong, which I don’t see. As I said in another comment, the failure to understand why this stuff is such a sensitive and tricky situation for women is what leads to environments where women can’t report sexism or harassment unless they have cold hard proof, or people doubting women who don’t report things immediately and behave perfectly through the whole ordeal. Of course it’s going to bother women when someone goes through this experience and still doesn’t learn that lesson. If men can’t learn that lesson, or at least have the humility to think “Maybe I can never truly understand this but I have to defer to the people with front-line experience on the issue and assume they are right,” then things won’t change.

          1. illini02*

            Sure, she doesn’t “owe” him anything. She can do what she wants, the manager can respond how she wants, and he has the right to think that a formal write up was an overreaction. All parties are within their rights here to do and feel how they want. My argument with your point is that you are going on the assumption that this manager is a trusted mentor who she went to or help, which may not be the case. Even if it were though, it still comes off to me like a “nice” way to report someone. I know work and school aren’t the same thing exactly, but look at it like this. If a student goes to a teacher and says “Mr. Smith, how should I handle it next time Billy makes fun of me?” Sure, you can look at it as “going to a trusted teacher or mentor for advice”, but really its the kid trying to come off as just looking for advice, when in reality, the teacher has an obligation to handle it to some extent. Thats all I’m saying. She wanted to report him to management. Fine. But lets not try to make her this noble person just looking for advice on navigating the world. Maybe she is, but neither of us knows a thing about this woman except what OP has said.

  8. Boo*

    #2 – sounds like this company is in some seriously rocky financial water to me…

    #3 – whoa, wait a minute, the senior management guy said what now?! And some of the others associate you with their housewives because you brought treats in?! OP I really think that if you’re intending to stay with this company any length of time, you have much bigger problems than making friends. It sounds like there is an entrenched culture of sexism and racism happily growing away. Like a fungus.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      OP, you might want to start journaling the remarks. Keep the journal at home. Don’t knock yourself out trying to remember every single thing, but write down the examples that stand out in your mind.

      1. kozinskey*

        I hate to be cynical, but I second this. That guy sounds toxic. And I wouldn’t make baking a regular thing if that’s how it’s going to be received. If you still want to get to know people, a candy jar on the desk might be a more gender-neutral way to go.

  9. Clerica*

    Wow, I love how #3’s company’s response to being shut down on their absurd policy was to make it even more absurd. If someone is sent on site visits twice a year, then there is no safe window of time where they can leave without being billed for, um, doing their job?

  10. AdAgencyChick*

    #2, oh my goodness. Good for you for politely getting them to back off. I’d also send a link to your original AAM post to any former coworkers you trust who are left behind there, so that they know they can stand up to this BS. Perhaps if enough people band together and refuse to go on trips unless the policy is rescinded, they might figure out that the policy won’t fly.

    1. Cool Beans*

      Literally! Because by not making the trip, they won’t fly there…thank you, I’m here all week :)

  11. Lillie Lane*

    OP #1, it’s great you took the advice to heart. I know you don’t think what you said was meant to be insulting, but it really is. I work closely with a coworker who will say things about my appearance or “you wouldn’t have been hired if you weren’t a woman” or “the CEO is more comfortable when surrounded by women, so he added you to his harem”….things like that. I know he doesn’t mean anything by it, and I haven’t made an issue of it. However, the logical implication is that my work is not as valuable as a man’s. It is obnoxious and insulting.

    1. Pushy penguin*

      Wow. I wouldn’t be so sure he didn’t mean anything by it. If a coworker (man or woman) said that I was being added to part of a harem I certainly would think they intended it to be an insult. In fact, I can’t think of a way to avoid seeing that as an intentional put-down. This is one of those scenarios where someone may not be saying an insult in an aggressive or insulting tone, but the overall content remains the same. I would have a hard time letting that slide.

      1. Preston*

        Lille & Pushy,
        I think some of it is generational too. Guys that are much older then me can get away with it more. That doesn’t make it right at all BTW. We had a VP that retired a previous employer I worked at, I made a comment one day after he was gone that he was “one sex harassment claim away from an early retirement anyway.” I didn’t say it as a joke or in a funny way, completely serious.

        It was amazing to me how some (all females) defended the man and at the same time how many nodded in agreement (all females). The agreement/disagreement was split pretty much by age. The guys in the group didn’t say a word….

        Anyway just another perspective .

      2. Mallory Janis Ian*

        Someone at my last job said something like that about me that really shocked me at the time and that I still don’t like, months later. I was assistant to a department head who is known to be high maintenance and demanding, and everyone always commented on how well I managed to work with him without letting his quirks bother me. I actually left my job assisting him at his university department to become his office manager at his private firm, because our working (I repeat, working) relationship is really good.

        Some of the people on the search committee for my replacement at the university were talking about what qualities to look for in my replacement, and their constant implications were that it would take a very special kind of person to put up with my boss and work well with him. One of the upper administrators got fed up with hearing them talk like that and snapped, “Well, we’re hiring a departmental assistant, not a concubine for Dept. Head.” That really startled me, and made me wonder if other people were thinking anything similar. I really wracked my memory for any whiff of inappropriateness between my boss and myself — and there has never been any! I think the person who said it was just a jackass.

        1. Lillie Lane*

          Wow. Maybe the person misspoke and meant something like “slave” or “lackey” (both also inappropriate, for the record), but “concubine”? No wonder you were left wondering. I think your ultimate conclusion was probably correct.

        2. Observer*

          Actually, I wonder if it was not YOU that the comment reflected on, but the unreasonable standards of the search committee. Some thing like “Hey, we are hiring someone to take care of WORK tasks, not this guy’s personal needs.”

          2. Not So NewReader*

            Yeah, extremely bad choice of words but to me it sounds like frustration with the committee’s performance more than anything. And I definitely don’t like resorting to this type of analogy when other words would clearly express the frustration. Stay out of these sex based remarks. Anything less is offensive, callous, etc. I hope someone spoke to this man later on. I wonder if the person who told you the story spoke to his man. Sometimes I think, “What are you telling me this for? And why did you sit there and say nothing in the moment?”

            Now, if I heard several comments of a similar nature, that is a pattern and definitely calls for a stronger response.

        3. Lynn Whitehat*

          I suspect it came out wrong, but the intended meaning was something like “they don’t have to love him, just maintain a professional demeanor like Mallory does”.

        4. Mallory Janis Ian*

          Yeah, I think you’re all right that the intended meaning was that the hiring was for a departmental assistant to get university work done, not a personal assistant tailor made to cater to his whims. The implication just didn’t sit well with me, and it made me wonder if there was, perhaps, some rumor behind it that I was only just hearing.

      3. Lillie Lane*

        For the record, I know he doesn’t think that my work is less valuable because I’m a woman. I think he just has a poor way of communicating and doesn’t realize he is using language that is insulting.

        This coworker did get his comeuppance though, in the form of a phenomenal new *female* boss. She is smart as a whip and he has to watch his P’s and Q’s when saying anything about women now.

        1. Student*

          Well, the comments that you mention from your co-worker all state that your co-worker thinks your CEO values you for your appearance and not your work. That is a different and bigger problem. Perhaps there are other comments that you are aware of that fill out the picture one way or the other, as to whether your co-worker is the problem or the CEO is the problem. From only the comments that you relay here, it sounds like he’s trying to clue you into the problem with the CEO specifically.

      4. Liz T*

        “Not meaning anything by it” is such a useless measure. Maybe you weren’t *thinking* or you don’t *care* but unless you accidentally said something you didn’t mean, you meant what you said. (If you did the former, just apologize and explain! If someone mistook the meaning of what you said–not the intentionality but the actual meaning–clarify!) People use “good intentions” to mean “lack of specific, conscious, bad intentions.” Who cares? We all assume we’re not jerks. If we’re *really* not jerks, we’ll apologize when we do something jerky.

        Which does not necessarily apply to the OP–it’s just a very common, very frustrating thing people pull.

    2. Clever Name*

      I agree. I wouldn’t assume nothing is meant. I would be wary of the person who said that, honestly.

  13. Preston*

    #1 You got lucky, you can’t do that again. Probably just a moment where your temper got ahead of your brain, but you don’t get a second second chance on something like that.

    #2 That is just insane.

    #3 I am good with food… any food… all food… :)

  14. Winter*

    #3 – Those people suck. And a side note, one of the things that’s surprised me the most about the working world is how common blatant, obvious prejudice is. You’d think people would know better or that management would step in and say something, but that seems to be more the exception… Some places are better than others, though. I hope something better comes along.

  15. Relosa*

    I am calling bs on #1. It seems such a generic thing to say. I really don’t get the feeling the correct lesson was learned.

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