tell us your weird office holiday stories

by Alison Green on December 14, 2016

It’s the season of forced workplace merriment, inappropriate gifts from coworkers, and holiday party disasters!

In the spirit of the season, I want to hear about office holiday-related debacles. Did a game of Secret Santa end in tears? Did a coworker throw a tantrum when she didn’t win a raffle? Did your boss try to give you Hanukkah balls? Were you asked to pitch in to send your CEO’s family on a ski trip? Were you given a nude, spray-painted gold Barbie? These are all real stories that we’ve heard here in the past. Now you must top them.

Share your weirdest or funniest story related to holidays at the office in the comments…

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  1. Christy*

    The people I sit with had a Christmas music sing-along via conference call and screen-share yesterday. Everyone at their desk or teleworking, singing at their computer.

      1. babblemouth*

        This actually sounds hilarious to me. Unless I was sitting next to someone singing and needing to focus on something importan, then I’d be a bit annoyed, but otherwise, I would probably laughing while recording it for blackmail materials ;)

      1. Christy*

        Lucky for me, only one person was in the office yesterday, and he was just playing on his phone. But others were definitely singing.

            1. EE*

              It’s my dad’s favourite song, full stop. He says he nearly cries every time he hears “Can’t make it all alone / I’ve built my dreams around you.”

              A friend of mine and I have a tradition where it’s not Christmas until we hear the song, and we’ll text each other with: “It’s Christmas” when we hear it. Usually in Dublin by mid-December at the latest you’ll hear it.

        1. Taylor Swift*

          I’m glad not everybody is as curmudgeonly as most of the commenters here. I wouldn’t want to sing with my coworkers, but I do enjoy activities that allow us to be human beings together instead of soulless automatons all day, every day.

        2. Not the Droid You Are Looking For*

          My guess is because this feels like something you would do in elementary school.

          1. Lovemyjob...truly!!*

            Singing is fun. I wouldn’t sing with my co-workers because I’d be too wrapped up in my head worried about how I sounded that it wouldn’t be fun, but not gonna lie…if an opportunity to do an art project with glitter glue and construction paper came up I would jump at it. But I would refrain from eating paste…because THAT would be infantile. ;)

            1. Jessesgirl72*

              It isn’t only done in Elementary school, though. I get that it’s not something everyone would enjoy, but I’d encourage you to be more open to the idea that different people do enjoy different things, and neither enjoying it nor not enjoying it is wrong. To each his own! (And why nothing other than showing up and doing your actual work should be mandatory at work!)

              1. Rusty Shackelford*

                Given that rationale, there’s no reason for today’s post at all, because every single thing here is something that SOMEBODY thought would be enjoyable. It’s okay to say “Aw, I actually would have liked that.” It’s not okay to say “There’s nothing wrong with that and you’re a soulless automaton if you disagree with me.”

                1. Jessesgirl72*

                  Which is why I’d never call someone who disagreed with my a soulless automaton. Or infantile. :)

                  Alison asked for weird or funny stories. Not only horrible ones.

        3. Alienor*

          I don’t think it is, but some people really hate it, and being forced to do it in a group probably reminds them of those holiday concerts in elementary school – the kind where you have to put on Santa hats or construction paper antlers and sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” for all the parents.

      3. I GOTS TO KNOW!*

        We had a disney sign along day one day. It was awesome. And not mandatory. Just wanted to have some fun during dreg work and decided singing to songs we loved as kids would be amusing. And it was!

        2. TheCupcakeCounter*

          I do this daily in my house! I have a Pandora playlist “for my son” of Disney songs and if he is in the house I put it on immediately. I would LOVE this (as my neighbor is shaking her head and saying that is a horrible idea).

        3. Turtle Candle*

          I had been thinking, “Oh how weird! I wouldn’t ever think to do a sing-along with my coworkers” until I read your comment and remembered the time my teammates and I belted out “Part Of Your World” en mass. (Granted it was at the end of a long and exhausting conference and we were all a bit punchy–and said conference was in Anaheim. But still. It was surprisingly great stress relief!)

          1. Cath in Canada*

            We once learned that our youngest colleague had never heard of MC Hammer, so we played the Can’t Touch This video on YouTube for her and all sang along. Some of us even danced. But that was obviously a special occasion ;)

            2. Turtle Candle*

              That’s awesome!

              I guess the defining factor is whether it happens organically or not. If someone told me “you must participate in the Christmas Singalong” I’d probably be irritated. If it was like, “hey look at this hilarious Christmas music video I found!” that then turned into an impromptu singalong, or “I love carols, anyone who wants to join in hop into Conference Room B at noon!” I’d be charmed.

              1. other rick*

                At my office in the summer 2012, everyone in the office laughed, danced, and lip-synced with Psy’s song “Gangam Style.” Hardly anyone did so when the company tried to make a Gangam Style parody video for the holiday party six months later.

        4. NJ Anon*

          Years ago, I worked in the Appetizing Dept of a grocery store. One day, around Christmas time, we started singing to the piped in Christmas music as we sliced cold cuts and waited on customers. We were all having a grand old time until the store manager came over and told us to stop. What a grinch!

          1. Dynamic Beige*

            I know it’s a typo or DYAC but every job should have an Appetizing Department — if only to make the work palatable :P

          2. Professional Merchandiser*

            This is not a holiday story, but I was working with a group doing a grocery re-set and they were playing oldies over their sound system. Well, one of the other ladies and I started humming along and before you know it, we were singing quite gleefully. ( I believe there were some dance moves involved .) Well, everybody was in hysterics. The employees of the store wanted to come work on our aisle. Then alas, they changed the music to Country, so the party was over. Nothing wrong with Country, just don’t know the lyrics to a lot of Country songs. Maybe that was the store manager’s discrete way to tell us to can it? :-)

            1. Clickety Clack*

              I would’ve been completely charmed by the spontaneous singing, as a customer. (Though not at all, as a coworker in the conference-call situation.) One hot summer evening when we were eating dinner at a local restaurant, the Jackson 5’s “ABC” came on the sound system, and by the end of the song, all the servers and customers were either singing or bopping along in their seats. It was great.

            2. Snazzy Hat*

              When I worked in retail, I would hum or sing along to the stereo if it was a song I really liked, especially if I was doing recovery and not directly interacting with customers. During post-close when it’s only employees? They could hear me singing from across the store if “Susudio” came on.

      4. paul*

        I wouldn’t sing, but it’s because my singing voice is awful and I don’t hate my coworkers *that* much!

        1. Professional Merchandiser*

          That was the funniest thing paul; I won’t even sing in church because I don’t like my singing voice, but that day I just got carried away.

      2. MashaKasha*

        This thread reminded me of a guy I used to date who’s a professor at a small-town LAC. Every spring on commencement day, their faculty all gets together at a local bar for their annual karaoke night. Then they continue to work together as if nothing happened, and so on for twenty+ years. When he and I dated, he used to invite me to stop by, but I didn’t want to drive to LACTown and back on a weeknight. Now, after reading this thread, I think I should’ve gone. I’m cracking up just trying to imagine the bonfire of the awkwardness that is a bar packed with coworkers, all taking turns singing karaoke. And I guarantee you that at least half of them could not carry a tune to save their lives, either! Probably doesn’t keep them from trying!

        1. Cath in Canada*

          I sang (really really badly) with some collaborators at a karaoke bar in Tokyo during a conference last year, but at least I don’t have to work with them every day. (I only see them once a year – this year, we had a Bohemian Rhapsody singalong in a bar in Brussels). We all have video of each other, and a Mutually Assured Destruction pact that ensures no-one will ever leak said video.

    6. Emi.*

      But…but…what about the network lag? JinglJinglele belbellsls, jinjinglglee belbellsls, jingjinglele alalll ththee wawayy, ohoh whawhatt fufunn it iit iss toto riridede inin aa one-horonese-horse opeopenn slesleighigh!

        1. pope suburban*

          Now I wish I knew a dang thing about IT, because then I’d write “The Twelve Bugs of Christmas.”

      5. Emma*

        That would still be considerably better than my one sorry attempt at in-person caroling, actually, where people kept dropping out or just droning one note or syllable unless the teacher was actively looking at them.

    7. not so super-visor*

      I guess that this depends on your personality, office culture, and work type. Personally, I would find this kind of fun (as long as it’s voluntary).

      2. Emma*

        I wouldn’t personally find it fun, but if it was genuinely voluntary, it wouldn’t necessarily bother me.

        What would bother me is if this seemed to be somehow arranged by management, or was part of a lot of other religious stuff in the workplace, but if it was just a group of coworkers doing it for fun, cool. (Kind of the difference between someone having Christmas decor up in their own space vs. it being required or having Christmas decor up in the lobby.)

        And I know that makes me seem curmudgeonly to a lot of people, but the Christmas season in particular can be really weirdly alienating if you’re not Christian. Which has a hell of a lot to do with the area I’m living in, I know.

        1. Emma*

          Okay, so an entire, perfectly fine, conversation has just gone missing. You know what? It’s obviously well within your rights to delete whatever the hell you want and have as restrictive a comment policy as you want, and not a single solitary person is going to give a crap, but this is getting ridiculous. I am out, and I am no longer recommending this site to anyone – and yes, I am telling them why.

          1. Ask a Manager* Post author

            Actually, it wasn’t “perfectly fine.” It was a wildly off-topic thread about religious beliefs in an already unwieldy comment thread, when the site rules clearly address wildly off-topic comments.

            I announced last week that I was no longer going to just keep trying to cajole people into following the comment policy but would be enforcing the rules more actively, including deleting comments or whole threads that break those rules. The post is here if you missed it:

            https://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/a-note-on-commenting-policy.html

            I don’t understand your tone here. It’s hardly ridiculous to enforce the rules of the site, which frankly are not terribly restrictive and which are very clearly linked above the commenting box. But of course no one site will be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay. If this one isn’t for you, I encourage you to find one that is.

      3. Rhys*

        I would hate if this happened in my office due to my personal preferences but what I think is really iffy about it is that not everybody celebrates Christmas and they should be able to be free of the deluge of Christmas stuff when they’re at work.

    10. Unmitigated Gal*

      We do this in my office (we are all over the US) for every team member’s birthday! We sing, virtually.

    11. zora*

      our office neighbors (work for a different company, but share a glass wall) have been accidentally playing christmas songs SUPER loud a few times this week. It seems like they hit play on a video or song on their computers before they realize their earbuds aren’t plugged in, and it stops after a minute or two, but it is So. Loud. and I’m like, folks, the whole hallway really doesn’t need to hear your music. Kind of weird, but a sing-along by videoconference is way weirder!

    13. SS*

      That would probably drive me crazy because there is usually a lag between speaking and hearing a person on a conference call so all the singers would be offbeat from each other, especially if I can hear the live singer near me and also hear it on the conference call.

  2. Stephanie*

    Commenting to subscribe. *gets popcorn*

    (Although my department holiday party is tonight, so maybe I’ll have some stories to share later…)

        1. Anonicat*

          Or, the picture of The Rock with his nose in the air, captioned “I know you’re here Michael Jackson – I can smell your popcorn!”

    2. hermit crab*

      Me too! Our party is on Friday. But the invitations to our party this year refer to it as “the Winter Event.” Apparently, we are too fancy now to use the phrase “office party” and must instead use terminology that belongs in a year-end Lexus commercial. There have been a lot of snarky jokes about this.

        1. pope suburban*

          Interesting that he named the doll Cynthia. That was the name of the doll that Angelica, the kinda-bratty little girl from the Rugrats cartoon, carried with her everywhere.

      2. Jenbug*

        Okay, but do we know if this guy worked at the same place as the original LW or is there a trend of people spray painting naked barbie dolls gold and giving them out as awards???

      5. Folklorist*

        That was me! It remains one of the greatest moments of my life. And I think he was going for the Rugrats reference. ;-)

      6. Artemesia*

        I remember that gold barbie trophy thing — and remember thinking at the time that it sounded kind of silly fun. I would not have found it so awful. But then my kids used to do odd things with barbies — goth barbies, godzilla barbies, dragon barbies (a surprising number of plastic figures have sort of interchangeable heads) I’d rather have a gold barbie than a certificate with scrolled border at the annual Christmas ‘awards show’.

    4. Master Bean Counter*

      We are having lunch in three hours. But I don’t expect any good stories. I work around adults.
      But I’m with you, I can’t wait to read the stories.

    5. Audiophile*

      Last night was the board holiday party and most staff at my company attended. I skipped but I heard it was eventful, full of tension between the board members. I’m sort of sorry I missed it.

    7. Amy G. Golly*

      My library’s party is this Saturday! While I had heard tales of Shenanigans Past, I’ve not yet borne witness to any myself in the year and a half I’ve been here. ;)

  3. Capri*

    We had a small Christmas party at my bosses’ tiny apartment. One of my coworkers got really drunk, started talking about sex and while everyone was looking around uncomfortably she fell out of chair and spilled cider ALL OVER the light gray carpet. Someone had to escort her home in an uber.

    2. Lalaith*

      My first year at my company, my boss also had the holiday party at his apartment. My husband spilled his drink all over the couch. He wasn’t even drunk :-P

      2. Golden Lioness*

        Ugh! I am half Italian I don’t need to be drunk to spill drinks… I speak with my hands… *blushes*

    3. Nervous Accountant*

      Oh dear. this wasn’t christmas, but it was a work happy hour, and I wasn’t even drunk but someone I was talking to was very expressive with her hands and knocked over my drink. To this day I get some teasing that I was so drunk. I also at some point nearly fell into a closet that I swear wasn’t there before. (I wasn’t drunk I swear). Still get teased about it.

      1. Golden Lioness*

        Can relate and if they don’t drop it it gets really annoying. I am naturally goofy, so people assume I am drinking while I am just completely sober… just having fun. I was teased for similar things… the first couple of times was cute, then it got old.

      2. Mookie*

        I also at some point nearly fell into a closet that I swear wasn’t there before.

        I love this. I’m sorry you fell, though.

  4. The Other Dawn*

    Our department Christmas party was last night. It was at a bowling alley and it was a lot of fun. Sadly, nothing weird to report. Although the ISO (man) got head-locked by someone in IT (woman). It was in good fun, though, and it was hysterical.

    I’ll be checking this thread ALL. DAY. (no work is getting done here, I predict…)

    1. Code Monkey, the SQL*

      One of my co-workers has several “slap bets” going right now. (I bet I can slap you before you slap me – yeah, I don’t get it either). I’m looking forward to our company party with interest to see if he gets a couple drinks in him and decides to cash in.

      1. echosparks*

        Have you seen How I Met Your Mother? I imagine they were inspired by that, there’s an ongoing plot line.about slap bets.

  5. sssssssssssssss*

    In 1994, I landed a job at a large nation-wide firm in their head office in Montreal. I started in February and found myself finally with my first Holiday season with them. Just before Christmas, I noticed that members of my team were being called into my boss’s office one by one and they were leaving with self-satisfied smiles and an envelope. Aha, I thought, Christmas bonuses! I not-so-patiently waited my turn…and it never came.

    Confused and disappointed, I finally got over timidity brought on by my feelings and asked my boss about it. He said I wasn’t getting one. I had to ask why as I had not been told there were any performance issues nor had it been explained to me if it was a seniority issue (e.g. had to have worked for 12 months, etc.). He eventually told me a couple of days later that HR determined that it was too detrimental to me to tell me why I was not getting a bonus.

    I was 24 and decided not to pursue the matter but I was so hurt. I wish I had chased up that issue as I have after much thought realized there was a gaffe I had made just before the cheques were issued, but other than it having been addressed and dealt with immediately, no one said “this could affect your bonus!” I do this day cannot think of anything else that would be “detrimental.”

    I stayed on at that firm for another two years. My boss changed over that time and under him, I got Xmas bonuses every year and nominated for Employee of the Month (and won).

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      “It would be too detrimental to you to let you know that you did something we dislike enough to withhold your bonus over it, even though that means you may unknowingly do the same thing again in the future. Also, we do not think it’s too detrimental to you to know that you’ve been secretly judged on something we won’t discuss with you. Happy holidays!”

      1. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

        As I said below – boss probably worked off the prior year’s list and forgot about her, as she wasn’t on the payroll then.

        And might be a little too yellow to admit “I made a mistake – I forgot – and I’m going to fix it”. If it was an error on his part, it CAN be fixed. If he has the courage to do so. It sometimes takes a degree of fortitude for a manager to say that he/she erred, and will backtrack and make things right.

        In this example – a call to the boss’ boss “I forgot to give a bonus envelope to Ms. sssssssss. Yikes. I did go through the entire budget for everyone else’s bonus. Is there a way we can rustle up $x for her, and I can give her an envelope tomorrow?” Then hand her the envelope the next day – and APOLOGIZE. And be explicit – “I went off of last year’s list – and you started in January, and you were overlooked. I’M SORRY.”

        Goes a lot further than she was told. Humble pie? Yes, but it’s worth it.

        1. sssssssssssssss*

          That would have been interesting if that had happened. The bonuses were direct deposited and already taxed when you got them. It would have been difficult to hand me a cheque when the other bonuses were handled by payroll essentially.

          No, no humble pie from that man. Ever.

          That place was so cheap post-its were reserved for the executive 5th floor only.

          1. Blue_eyes*

            POST-ITS??? That sounds terrible. I’m a personal assistant. Post-its are my lifeblood. At least I’m in charge of the Staples orders so I can get all the beautifully colored post-its I want in every size.

            1. Elizabeth West*

              I bought my own colored stickies (the generic ones) at OldExJob because I didn’t like using the yellow ones. When I got laid off, they left with me. I wasn’t about to leave my stickies for them!

              I have so many sticky notepads from shipping vendors I got at that job, however, that I haven’t even gotten to the colored stickies and I’ve been out of that job for five years.

              1. pugsnbourbon*

                I am that way with “sign-here” tabbies – they are MINE and they don’t leave my desk. You can have one if you ask nicely.

          2. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

            Most large companies have “retro fix” systems built into their payroll mechanisms. I have had occasions where – in negotiations – I had to have a retro pay increase.

            Not easy – yes perhaps difficult – but it COULD be done.

            1. Red*

              Yeah, I did this all the time for manually cut checks, including for bonuses that were mistakenly not paid!

      2. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

        … and I might add – if it’s a large national firm – IT CAN BE DONE. There’s always money around to fix a mistake.

    4. I GOTS TO KNOW!*

      I can’t even comprehend this. It isn’t too detrimental to withhold a bonus when it is very clear everyone else got one, but it is too detrimental to tell you what you did and therefore how to correct it? My brain cannot compute this series of events…

      1. fposte*

        I’m kind of wondering if this was all a desperate cover for their forgetting to issue sssssss with a bonus in the first place.

          1. sssssssssssssss*

            Oh, Spineless was too mild of a word for that boss. He was so useless they continued to promote him, but at least he was no longer managing people. He had a hard time keeping admins too…

        3. INTP*

          I think it’s either this, or the reason really was more terrible than she could possibly assume. Like “You looked at [decision maker] weird in the bathroom one day and she still holds a grudge” or “[decision maker] is still mad at you for taking the last maple donut that he really wanted but didn’t say anything about.”

      3. Joseph*

        My personal guess is that the actual reason was illegal, petty and/or straight-up idiotic. And once sssssss asked, the company had no idea how to respond without digging themselves in a deeper hole.

        1. Alton*

          That was my thought. Maybe they meant “detrimental” in the sense of “You’ll be angry with us if you knew the reason.”

            1. Ruffingit*

              Because there were probably others who joined them before the 12-month mark who got bonuses so that excuse wouldn’t likely hold up. Large multinational corp had to have more than one person join them before the end of the 12 months. And if those people got bonuses…

    6. Jessesgirl72*

      I’d interpret that statement as “Once we saw the reason in black and white, we realized how petty and potentially discriminatory the reason was, so it would be detrimental to the company to tell you why.”

      1. Whats In A Name*

        Yes, I read “detrimental” as detrimental to the company…as in “we screwed up and can’t tell you the real reason”.

      3. sstabeler*

        Frankly, in that situation, I’d be inclined to discipline whoever made the decision to deny the bonus (probably a write-up and sending them for retraining on avoiding discrimination- yes, even if it was me) and issue the bonus- explaining “the bonus was unfairly refused- here’s the bonus you should have received. We ca only apologise, and it will not happen again”

    7. KathyGeiss*

      “If you don’t know why I’m mad, I’m not telling!” {sticks out tongue} – me in grade 3 to my best friend.

      You sort of expect adults to be better than third graders, no?

    8. TheFormerAstronomer*

      As someone who constantly second-guesses themselves and remembers things that they could/should have done differently *years* after the fact, that would be so much more detrimental to me! My shoulders have gone up ’round my ears just reading about it.

      1. catsAreCool*

        Yeah, that would have been much more detrimental to me, too. I don’t want to think how many things I would have worried about.

    9. Rachel*

      A-hat…The only place I worked that did holiday bonuses had a brightline rule for whether or not you received one. I don’t remember it anymore but it was something like, you had to be there 6 months before the holidays. (The bonus was pretty decent, it was a couple of weeks pay)

      1. sssssssssssssss*

        I could have lived with an answer like that. But this place’s HR kept their cards very close.

        No internal job postings, ever.

        No proper performance reviews.

        And, when I asked for a raise, seeing as I had been there over a year and got along better with the new boss and felt that I had ably demonstrated that I was a good and able productive employee, his query to HR about the possibility of a raise was replied with “She’s at the top of her pay scale.”

        Huh? What pay scale? There was no posted pay scale! We weren’t a union. I worked for the same salary for three years with no cost of living raises even because “an employer is under no obligation to provide a cost of living raise” (that was from another source, not the employer). I left for a higher paying job with more transparency.

        1. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

          Then they can do two things a) adjust the pay scale bands *or* b) promote you to a higher grade. If it’s a big company – you likely have a grade and a band associated with it. “Grade 15, low end $35,000, high end $50,000” and if you are at the top of the band – they either promote you – or change the bandwidth or adjust it upward.

          I once was in a job where I got trivial raises every three-four months for two years, because I was at the rock-bottom in the pay band!

          And yes – it is true – an employer in the U.S. or Canada, unless it’s built into a union / CBA deal – does not have to give you a cost of living raise.

          1. sssssssssssssss*

            No one knew what those scale bands were – that was top secret!

            I had even changed departments and learned new things and expanded my skill set in the hopes of securing a raise. When I did find a new job and chatted with my boss just before I left, I mentioned this in passing; he said, oh, you very likely wouldn’t have gotten a raise anyway…

            But if you were the child of one of the owners, well, then, of course you can get a raise. But that’s not Xmas related.

            1. Greg M.*

              reminds me of when I worked at Value Village kept getting told I wasn’t meeting quota without ever being told what quota was.

              1. Golden Lioness*

                The quota is whatever your number is… plus 10% mwahahah… shakes head.
                Sorry to make light of it. That’s awful.

    10. Emi.*

      Wow, and he won’t even take responsibility for deciding not to tell you. No, that was HR’s determination. Wow.

      1. sssssssssssssss*

        He took responsibility for nothing. Only three of the team were running late on their breaks every day. But everyone had to sign the memo stating that we would all be mindful of time on our breaks, rather than taking the tardy ones aside…

      2. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

        When bosses make bad decisions or blunders, you’ll hear words like “band limits”, “policy”, “HR”, “the higher ups”, “my hands are tied”, and other horse***t.

        I’d rather have a manager who says “it was my decision”, than a litany of buzzwords and doublespeak.

    11. Golden Lioness*

      Who was that boss? Regina George? I cannot believe they did not even make an effort to attemp a venner of politeness… sigh. At least it makes for a good story!

    12. NPwho*

      I had a boss who wrote in my annual review paperwork that another employee had lodged a complaint about me to HR. It came a surprise to me because no one had mentioned anything about it to me during the previous year. I asked her what the complaint was and she refused to tell me anything about it because the employee wanted to remain anonymous. The rest of my review was very positive.

  6. Fabulous*

    One of my coworkers went into labor at our holiday party at a fancy restaurant! Our boss was completely drunk on the dance floor, and there she was off in the corner having contractions. A few of us ended up driving her home so she could pick up her hospital bag (and change clothes because her water finally broke), then over to her boyfriends place so he could take her to the hospital. Thankfully she made it on time!

    1. Lemon Zinger*

      That’s kind of awesome, actually. It could have gone badly, but since everything turned out okay, it must be remembered as a holiday party for the ages!

    2. JoAnna Wahlund*

      Our office holiday party is next week. I’ll be 35 weeks pregnant. REALLY hoping the same thing doesn’t happen to me. :D (Very doubtful, thankfully.)

      1. Mrs. A*

        Congrats!! I’m in the same boat, office party next week and 35 weeks pregnant! Everywhere I go these days I have the thought crosses my mind… what’s the plan if labor starts? It’s rather amusing :)

      2. Red lines with wine*

        I’m also in the same boat – 35 weeks next week but luckily I already had our Christmas parties. Now I just have to worry about going into labor at work after the holidays. :D

        1. Helena*

          I’ve done it – 35 weeks along, water broke on New Year’s Eve. The labor part is easy, the paperwork nightmare that ensues when you have a late December baby is hard. People will point out you get the tax deduction for both years (true) but you also have to fill out two sets of insurance paperwork and meet your deductible/out-of-pocket maximum for both years. And the birth certificate will take a ridiculously long time, because of the holiday backlog. And the hospital paperwork will be massively screwed up because the administrators are all off for the holidays and the computer systems get confused about what year it is. All of my newborn’s procedures got coded and billed as having been done to me (because baby didn’t get into their system until the next year), and the insurance company denied all the claims because it makes no sense for a thirty-something woman to getting nursery care.

          Long story short, if you have the option, wait until January!

            1. Artemesia*

              Yeah, have the kid Dec 31 and you double your out of pocket costs which are considerable. You end up paying hideous hospital costs in two years and your deductible starts over Jan 1.

              I broke an elbow in France and had surgery there and couple of weeks of PT before returning to the US. my co-pay out of pocket for my PT in the US is greater than the entire fee I paid for my physical therapist per session in Paris. The cost of the surgery would be at my physician here’s estimate be 10 times as high (my travel insurance paid that ). The cost for an appointment with my orthopedic specialist here is 5 times higher than in Paris and my personal cost for it given deductible etc is 2 times as high. I have both medicare and a gap policy.

              1. SS*

                You may want to check on your insurance policy. Many insurances have a hidden clause (called a Rollover Deductible) so that expenses towards your deductible that are incurred in the last portion of the year roll over and are applied towards the new year’s deductible. Unfortunately, not all insurances have this.

        1. The Mom at Home, The Work Goddess*

          I’m singing the line right now, not on a conference call, and smiling.

          As someone who has had three pregnancies while working with Fall full-term, past-due-date births, just stay hydrated during the event, and you’ll be fine ay 35 weeks, in 90% or more cases. Enjoy and may your colleagues chat with you about more things than your pregnancy – as mundane as scenic places to take a walk or the latest yummy discovery.

    4. Hermione*

      A company holiday party miracle! I hope she named baby accordingly? “Google Holidayfest! McMahon, you were named after the greatest office party of all time.”

      1. Lily in NYC*

        Oooh, I hope it was at an Olive Garden because Olive is a cute name. Or Ruby Tuesdays! Although I’d like to see a baby named Applebees or Outback Steakhouse.

          1. CMart*

            I’m currently overdue (baby’s due date was Monday) and one of the names I really liked was Noelle. But then my husband pointed out that as a near-Christmas child she’d spend her whole life having people make the same pun/joke once they found out her birthday. Ruined it for me :(

            1. Formica Dinette*

              Middle name? I used to work with a woman whose parents gave her Noelle as a middle name because she was born on Christmas. I think it’s a beautiful name.

              I hope birth goes perfectly for you and your baby!

            3. Natasha*

              Natasha means “Christmas child”. I was born in August. Ironically, I believe that historians generally believe sweet little baby Jesus was born around August versus the pagan borrowed solstice holiday.

      2. Fabulous*

        I really wish that happened! It was at a Maggiano’s in Chicago. I don’t remember what she named her kid, but it’s been about 7-8 years since I worked there.

      1. Dot Warner*

        IDK about sitcoms, but in the detective show Foyle’s War, Sergeant Milner’s wife goes into labor right in the middle of the V-E Day party. :)

        1. Marillenbaum*

          Another Foyle’s War fan!!!! I loved the story of Clementine Milner’s birth. I also loved Sergeant Milner, because he was v attractive and set my teenage heart aflutter.

  7. Nobodymuch*

    The big director who normally dressed up as Santa was away, so a thin and weird director dressed up instead. His santa trousers fell down in front of the whole office. Santa’s trousers fell down. Awkward doesn’t cover it.

      1. Lily in NYC*

        “Hi Santa, is that Rudolf’s nose or are you just happy to see me?” (i even grossed myself out with this one)

    2. Maris Von Christmas*

      I know of a priest whose trousers fell down at midnight mass, but it wasn’t at an office party.

      1. MashaKasha*

        That is still very, very good. Doesn’t have to be an office party – still work-related, since he was at work!

      2. Nursey Nurse*

        My dad was a Catholic alter boy. He had to carry the heavy wooden cross for midnight mass. When he put it in its stand, he apparently didn’t check to be sure it was secure because halfway through mass, it tipped over, hit the priest in the head, and knocked him unconscious. I should add that this midnight mass was being televised, so basically everyone in their small town knew that my dad had concussed poor Father Whatshisface.

        4. Chinook*

          Right there is fear #2 as an altar server (and why I show the young ones how to hold a heavy cross without it wavering everywhere). #1 is catching the priest on fire. I have seen it almost happen once on the altar and I swear about 10 other people in the congregation also saw the robe go through the flame as there was a collective gasp and a random people ready to run for his aid.

          Turns out his robes were fire retardant (thank goodness).

          1. Cath in Canada*

            As a teenager, my Dad showed up for altar boy* duties somewhat inebriated, fell asleep while holding a candle, and set fire to his shirt. No major damage done luckily!

            *or maybe something else? I’ve been to exactly one Catholic service ever so I don’t know the terminology. He was definitely an altar boy at some point though.

  8. Temperance*

    Booth is a programmer, and his former company was very, very conservative because of the industries that they contracted with.

    At his holiday party last year, one of his colleagues brought a stripper to the party. She wore her work clothes and a pair of lucite platforms to the party. They walked in, and everyone just kind of fell silent and stared. I found out later that she was angry at the coworker, who is her FWB, so she decided to wear a stripper dress to show him how mad she was. I don’t understand it, either. (She was really nasty, too … also part of her trying to get back at FWB.)

    1. Rachel*

      So confused. Let me get this straight:

      The FWB was the guest. When coworker went to pick her up, she was dressed in a barely there outfit. He brought her to the Christmas party dressed that way.

      Why? Why wouldn’t he just save himself the embarrassment by saying, “No, I’m not taking you to a party in a professional setting unless you’re dressed appropriately. Either change or have a nice night alone.”? Did he not realize how inappropriate that was?

      1. Temperance*

        You completely nailed it!

        I honestly don’t know what he was thinking. He is over 50, BTW, so he should have known better. I mean, so should she have, but at least it gave us all something to talk about?

        It’s not like she was covered up in a big coat or something, and he had to see the lucite platforms. He was joking about it with Booth and some of the other dudes in the office the next week, like, oh Marie was mad at me for X, so she decided to wear her work clothes to the party.

          1. Mookie*

            Yeah, these two sound like (very mild) exhibitionists who performed some angry-couple role-play in order to generate discomfort (which, I guess, will make the sex better after they get home or summat).

          2. Artemesia*

            I worked with a kind of geeky unattractive guy who was married to a woman who had been a model and was very attractive. It seemed like every conversation he managed to work in her career. ‘One of Patrice’s model friends told her . . . .’ ‘This happened to one of Patrice’s model friends.’ ‘When Patrice was modeling, . . . .’ so I can easily imagine that this guy was showing off.

      2. Temperance*

        I should also clarify that some of us thought he might have paid for an escort for the night to attend the holiday party. It was that shocking.

        1. Cath in Canada*

          We’re about 90% sure that our former tenant (who was also a friend of my husband’s family) brought a paid escort to our wedding. Obviously we didn’t out and out ask, but it seemed fairly likely, and other friends who were seated at the same table pretty much confirmed it.

    2. INTP*

      I don’t think “FWB” means what she thinks it means. If you’re getting angry enough to show up at an office party in stripper clothes, that defeats the point!

        3. College Career Counselor*

          I’m assuming Friend With Benefits. (Presumably different from a Contractor Friend; ie, no benefits included) ;-)

        1. Temperance*

          I’m putting the blame on him for a.) bringing his sex buddy as his date and b.) not asking her to dress appropriately.

          1. Anna*

            Absolutely. I would also hazard that the guy who thinks this is okay also probably doesn’t make it completely clear that they are FWB and not something else.

            1. Temperance*

              She totally agrees with the transactional nature of the relationship, actually. Trust me, dude is no prize, and old enough to be her father.

              (She receives in-kind donations for the sex that they have. Cough cough)

              1. Dynamic Beige*

                Oh, so she’s not his FWB then, he’s her Sugar Daddy. Either way, he couldn’t bring his sister or an acquaintance or just gone by himself? Kind of like the woman in the D/s relationship who was telling people to call her uh… guy… “Master”, there are certain things I just don’t want to know about in the workplace. If you’re paying someone to be your uh… friend… I really don’t want to know. It’s none of my business what you do with your time, money and body parts (so long as it’s all legal in terms of age and consensual).

                1. Temperance*

                  Yeah that migh tbe a more accurate description, although they call each other f buddies.

                  He’s a really weird dude. Honestly, we all thought that she was a prostitute that he paid for a night.

          2. INTP*

            Yeah, when he saw how she was dressed and how angry she was, he should have just gone to the party alone. It was unprofessional of him to bring in someone who was clearly there to behave inappropriately. (And I’d say that whether she was his FWB, his favorite escort, or his wife and mother of his 5 children. Keep your bedroom drama out of the workplace!)

    3. Liz2*

      So the issue isn’t that she was a stripper, she wasn’t there as a performer. The issue is he brought someone who wore an inappropriate scandalous outfit.

      1. Temperance*

        She kept her clothes on at the party, but yes, she is a stripper and was wearing one of her work dresses to the holiday party.

        We thought he brought an escort as his date.

      1. INTP*

        Right? People are going to assume it’s an SO and make conversation about him or her with you later, and I can think of nothing more awkward than discussing my casual sex partner with my coworkers. FWBs do not belong at work events or family dinners for obvious reasons. (Though there’s also a chance that she thought she was more than an FWB, and he brought her along to continue this charade.)

        1. Marisol*

          I think it’s more of a “kept woman” thing and the men that do that do have an emotional investment in the women they give money to. It’s clearly transactional, and yet on some level real to them, at the commitment level they are comfortable with. They might even refer to them as their girlfriend or their fiance, even though it’s bullshit. Don’t get me wrong–I don’t know about this from personal experience, but between bartending in Los Angeles and working as an assistant to high-level executives for many years, I’ve witnessed the phenomenon from time to time.

          I’m not the least surprised that this man would take his inappropriately dressed date to a work party, but I can’t articulate why. I think sometimes they like the emotional intensity they get from fighting with a sexy ingenue girlfriend, and the scandal of bringing someone to a work function escalates the drama, and thus, the emotional satisfaction, and what they get from that outweighs whatever satisfaction they might get from simply behaving professionally…something like that. Plus, if you’re such a big shot in your industry/company that you can be scandalous and still keep your professional standing, then it’s a power move too. Just my speculation.

          1. Temperance*

            It’s a combo of him being socially inappropriate in general and enjoying bothering people. The comparison to the “Master” chick was pretty on point.

      2. Drew*

        I read this as stress on so, like “that’s *so* territory,” and I could not figure out what “territory” was supposed to mean in that context. And then it clicked, and I felt SO stupid.

          1. Liz*

            I’m now reading this as significant other stupid – as in your stupidity level has reached your significant other’s level of stupid.

    5. Vancouver Reader*

      Reminds me of a couple of years ago when we went to hubby’s office party and one of the managers brought someone who isn’t his wife to the party. She was dressed almost like what you’ve mentioned here. Turns out, it’s the manager’s new gf. Why she thought dressing like a stripper to a fairly conservative office party was a little beyond me, but I’m old fashioned that way.

  9. AndersonDarling*

    I worked for a family business. The kind of place where the owner makes fake jobs so family members can get paychecks for doing nothing. At the holiday party, the owner gave his big speech and at the end gave awards to some of the employees. When the owner’s niece was given cruise tickets for her 10 years of service, she loudly proclaimed, “But I haven’t worked for you in years!”
    I guess no one told her she was “working” to earn that paycheck.

  10. Gift basket hell*

    Not me, but this happened to someone who worked in another department at the company I used to work at;

    This company had a tradition where everyone would chip in things to put in a gift basket for the administrative staff in their department (stuff like hot chocolate, magazines, mittens etc.) The company gave bonuses but this was a way for people to show appreciation to the admins. One year one of the managers contributed a fake lottery ticket to the basket in his department. No one else knew it was fake. The admin thought she won six figures until he let her in on his “joke”. She left in tears from what I heard and never came to back. An admin from another department confronted the jerk manager and told him that the admin’s father was a widower and she had two younger brothers about to start college and after she won she called her father to tell him they could pay off the house and have tuition for her brothers before news that it was a “joke” came our. It was horrible and even though nobody else knew it was a fake ticket we all felt terrible and it still brings up bad memories even though it happened years ago.

      3. Joseph*

        Especially since apparently in this case, they let it go on a while – long enough for her to process the shock and call her family. Even if you wanted to pull a joke like this (don’t; it’s a lame joke), you need to basically jump in immediately with the “nah, just messing with you; see how I used whiteout to change the number?”

      4. Natalie*

        Yeah, they don’t even seem to meet the bare minimum of a joke if the fake prize is totally plausible. *Maybe* if the prize was clearly ludicrous like a unicorn or a time machine, I would get it.

    3. Snarkus Aurelius*

      This sounds straight out of The Office. Typical Michael Scott. I totally believe this happened too.

    4. Hlyssande*

      That kind of malicious prank is the kind I hate the absolute most. Only someone who delights in someone else’s despair would do that.

        2. Hlyssande*

          That too. I can easily imagine myself in that admin’s shoes. A winning ticket would be like the sun coming out after a long, dark winter, angels descending from heaven, etc etc etc. And to have that sudden hope and joy dashed as a cruel joke? I’d probably end up in jail for my reaction.

    6. Liane*

      If AAM existed then, the manager-jerk would have made a certain ballot (Which I won’t specify because I fear it might conjure some more entries for this year.)

      2. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

        Turtlewings – some people don’t have fruitful and productive lives. People who do this to others – we call ’em “losers”.

    9. Gift basket hell*

      Funnily enough right after I posted this, we were talking about the admin gift baskets and someone brought up this story. She did indeed walk out and never came back. But someone who stayed in touch with her from Facebook said she joined the military after that, and she loves it. One of her brothers has graduated from college and the other is about to graduate and her father got a promotion at work. So as far as I know she is doing much better now. (It’s still a horrible story and I feel terrible for her having that happen though)

      2. RVA Cat*

        Agreed, good to know things worked out for her. Kudos to her for serving her country. This makes the whole evil prank that much worse…

          1. SimonTheGreyWarden*

            Well, don’t ever mess with her again because it’s a shitty and inhuman thing to do.

            She just now has more experience and frame of reference.

        1. Pineapple Incident*

          Seconded. Good for her. The manager that decided this was hysterical has a garbage sense of humor

    12. The Mom at Home, The Work Goddess*

      I give real lottery tickets. The most anyone has admitted to winning is $5.

    14. JKP*

      My brother thought he won a 7-figure lottery for about 10 minutes. He matched all the numbers and started calling everyone. But then when the TV went to commercial break, he realized he was watching the wrong station and had matched all the numbers for the wrong state lottery.

      1. Anion*

        I worked at a phone psychic company for a while. Once we had a customer call to complain about the lottery numbers she’d been given, because those numbers had won the Florida lottery but the caller was in a different state (and had used them in that state’s lottery), so she didn’t win.

        We were in Florida.

        :-)

  11. Coffee*

    My office held an ugly sweater contest at the Christmas luncheon and one of the finalists was wearing an unintentionally ugly sweater. It was really awkward when they announced his name and he had no idea what was happening.

        1. The Mom at Home, The Work Goddess*

          Exactly. I am thinning my wardrobe so I would have to go to the thrift shop to buy one and re-donate it…

    3. Turanga Leela*

      This is why I don’t like the whole “ugly sweater” concept. Holiday sweater parties are fun, but “ugly” is in the eye of the beholder. I’ve seen some beautiful hand-knit Fair Isle sweaters repackaged as “ugly sweaters.” Don’t do it, guys. Someone put a lot of work into that. Give awards for “over-the-top sweaters” instead.

      Sincerely,
      Someone who once wore a vintage, glittery Rudolph sweatshirt in public

      1. AnotherAlison*

        I agree with you. I liked the “ugly sweaters” when they were just embellished sweaters you already owned. One year, my son wore one of my mom’s to the 6th grade Christmas thing. It was just a blue sweater with some patchwork stuff on the front. It was more fun than intentionally buying “ugly sweaters.”

        That said, I just learned that our holiday potluck will include one of these contests, and my SIL made my husband an intentionally hideous hat and fanny pack and gave it to him for his birthday last week, so I may participate for the first time ever.

        1. Kelly L.*

          I tend to see “ugly sweaters” as referring to a specific trend from the 80s–you didn’t necessarily embellish it yourself, you could buy them that way, but it was a very specific thing where everybody was wearing bulky sweaters with giant themed appliques and gobs of glitter and whatnot. People thought they were cool at the time, they’ve become dated with the passage of time, and now they’re “ugly.” OK, fine. But the fun of having an ugly sweater party is that you’re supposed to either make your own or scrounge one up from the actual 80s, whether from a thrift shop or your own/your mom’s closet. It isn’t just any sweater, and I think the flimsy sweatshirts with the designs printed on them are missing the point too.

          1. Wendy Darling*

            In my family we made our own ugly sweaters! We bought super cheap sweatshirts and put on iron-on appliques and embellished them with puff paint, glitter, and rhinestones. And we thought they were *fabulous*. In my defense I was a small child.

            They were really fun to make though either way.

            2. Dynamic Beige*

              Actually — and I don’t want to make everyone shudder — that could be a fun team-building thing to do at a holiday meeting.

            3. JKP*

              We did that too! You can also sew the appliques on the underside of the sweatshirt and cut a “window” in the top sweatshirt layer to see the applique underneath. Every year when we made sweatshirts like that, we would wear them out as a group together when we went Christmas shopping. If we got separated, we could always find each other by asking any stranger, “Have you seen a bunch of people wearing obnoxious sweatshirts like this?” Whoever you asked could always point you towards the rest of your group.

      2. Rusty Shackelford*

        Also, the beauty of the ugly sweater is that it wasn’t intended to be ugly. And now everyone’s coming up with deliberately ugly sweaters, so what’s the point?

      3. Anna*

        Everything was fine until the ugly sweater concept became self-aware. That’s when things like this happen because everyone thinks you’re being ironic or in on the joke. Or they make them so their intentionally ugly, which is dumb.

        1. Lovemyjob...truly!!*

          My mom loves the holidays and loves to dress up for the month of December. She’s the lady who wears blinking colored light bulb earrings, musical necklaces, headbands with holiday patterns and holiday sweaters in everyday life. She has them all: Christmas trees, Santa Claus, Snowmen, Snowflake, etc. A few years ago at her company they decided to start a Festive holiday dress up day with a prize. She won. Four years in a row. So they made an ugly sweater contest. She won. Three years in a row. Now she’s the judge and gets to pick the winner. She misses the $20 gift card but she likes the little badge they made for her. It’s appropriately decked out with enough glitter snowmen and snowflakes to make her tacky self happy.

          2. Golden Lioness*

            Go mom! that some serious commitment and dedication to the holidays!

            I went to a friend’s parents fro Xmas last year and she had the biggest collection of singing animals/santas/ elves/ trees/ snowflakes… etc. One of them was about 4 feet tall. I had a balst trying to figure out which of her decorations sung and which ones didn’t.

          3. The Mom at Home, The Work Goddess*

            we all need this person in our office for so many reasons. Bless your mom!

          4. No Name Yet*

            That is hysterical, go mom! Also, in a few years (I’m still a bit young), that is totally going to be me. The only sad part is that in my health care setting that wouldn’t really work, so will probably only be on weekends. Sigh.

        2. Dynamic Beige*

          Can we just keep clothes in general from becoming self-aware? Unless their level of self-awareness is only that they will wash, dry, fold and put themselves away.

      4. Manders*

        Ooh, yeah, those sweaters are probably valuable and gorgeous but beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder when it comes to clothing.

        Some people in my office have been trying to convince everyone to wear ugly sweaters to the holiday party, but I just don’t have enough money or space in my apartment to own the kind of novelty clothing that only has one possible use per year.

        1. Persephone Mulberry*

          Me too. We had a holiday ugly sweater contest at my last job, and I didn’t participate because I wasn’t about to spend time (much less money) something I would only wear once and then donate right back to the thrift shop I got it from.

          1. Solidus Pilcrow*

            Plus now the thrift shops are in on the trend and charge extra for them when you used to be able to pick them up for cheap.

              1. Mookie*

                This makes me like ugly sweaters. I generally feel that they’re only enjoyed, “ironically,” by the perpetually humorless, but this sounds fun.

        2. Natalie*

          Yeah, the only year I ever went to an ugly sweater party must have been right on the cusp of the trend getting big – the local thrift store had racks of Christmas sweaters, but they were only a few dollars so we didn’t mind re-donating them after Christmas. The next time I was looking for one they’d gotten super trendy and too expensive for a one use item, IMO.

        3. misplacedmidwesterner*

          A few years ago, this happened unintentionally at my husband’s work party. His work party is very formal and elaborate. It is at a ski resort just a bit out of town, about half the company takes a hotel room. A lot of people come up early to ski. (We just play in the pool.) It’s suits for the men and cocktail dresses or nicer for the women (a few show up in something closer to ball gowns and don’t look out of place). One guy just didn’t want to get dressed up, so he told his wife it was casual. They went skiing and then changed into jeans and holiday sweaters. She was so extremely upset with him.

        4. Anion*

          YES. This is the thing that really annoys me about the “ugly sweater” thing. Lots of companies and schools where I live do “ugly sweater” days, and everyone is expected to participate. We just don’t have the money to go buying deliberately hideous novelty clothing that will only be worn once, just for the “fun” of it.

      5. Dan*

        I was out at an ugly sweater party, and one guy says to me, “My wife doesn’t like my sweater.” I told him I didn’t know how to take that — if she hates it, doesn’t that mean it’s a good candidate for “ugly sweater”?

      6. Sadsack*

        We once had an ugly Christmas sweater contest. When the department was shown photos of examples of ugly Christmas sweaters, one of the sweaters was the exact same sweater that my co-worker wore on a regular basis in winter. I felt bad for her.

      7. Delightful Daisy*

        I’ve said a couple of times that I have Christmas sweaters that I don’t know are “ugly Christmas sweaters” lol

      8. Mints*

        Yeah, I have a sweater that was labeled “ugly Christmas sweater” but I love it unironically and try to wear it as much as possible (it’s a dinosaur wearing a Santa hat). But I also have other weird things so I think people just kinda shrug at me (rocket purse, a dozen harry potter socks, taco socks, breakfast socks, ice cream necklace)

        1. not really a lurker anymore*

          See, I would probably love the dinosaur wearing a Santa hat.

          I’m not a huge fan of holiday sweaters myself but my sister in law loves holiday sweaters. I let the kids pick out a sweater for her. They’re happy because they got to chose the gift. She’s happy that they were thinking of her and last year she loved the one my daughter picked out. It’s my son’s turn this year and I assured her it wasn’t Star Wars themed.

    4. WS*

      Last year one of my coworkers told us that her husband’s company had an ugly sweater contest and the person who won was wearing a sweater with a picture of her husband’s face on it! He thought it was hilarious but I would be mortified if that happened to me!

      1. Temperance*

        OMG why would someone a.) own a sweater with their husband’s face on it and b.) wear it to work? EEK.

        1. fposte*

          Poly women could have one partner on each boob. (More than two and they have to fight it out for the honors.)

          1. Manders*

            Now I’m picturing a sweater covered in the faces of my friend’s entire extended polycule. That would take a lot of work!

          2. Edith*

            Like the Entertainment 720 bikini Tom gives Donna on Parks and Rec. it had Tom’s fave on one breast and Jean-Ralphio’s face on the other.

        2. WS*

          The winner was wearing a sweater with my coworker’s husband’s face on it. So technically the winner was wearing a sweater with their coworker’s face on it. I saw pictures of it, it was clearly a handmade iron-on transfer deal made for the contest.

          …having explained that I have no idea if wearing a sweater with your coworker’s face is better or worse than wearing a sweater with your husband’s face on it. But in this case it was the former, not the latter.

          (Sorry for the confusion in explaining this, I heard the story secondhand so it’s not my workplace or my coworkers. I work with C, her husband is B. Coworker of B wore a sweater with B’s face on it and won the contest.)

        3. Teclatrans*

          But I think the way it went was that husband (let’s call him Bob) told a story of *his coworker* whose ugly sweater had Bob’s face on it (the joke being “this sweater is ugly because Bob is ugly”), and this joke was rewarded.

      2. Mints*

        Haha
        A friend of mine went to a an ugly Christmas sweater party and pinned pictures of her friends to the sweater (a normal nice sweater with pictures printed out and safety pinned) and she joked “Nothing’s uglier than my best friends”
        Like this isn’t everyone’s sense of humor, but I think it’s hilarious if savage

    5. Juli G.*

      Yep, happened here too last year.

      That’s why ugly sweater parties make me cringe. “Ugly” isn’t universal – there is a line of clothing popular in my peer group that I find 80% hideous but I keep my mouth shut because ugh… awkward.

    7. Cranky Pants*

      Best ugly sweater ever will forever go to my friend: She took a plain sweater and stitched on a bunch of words/phrases like materialistic, greed, $$$, consumerism, bah humbug, etc.

    8. Central Perk Regular*

      This happened when I worked at a library several years ago. There was an abundance of ugly sweaters (usually with cats) daily.

    10. CAA*

      This happened at my office a couple of years ago. The HR director was rounding up the people he thought were participating in the contest to come up to the front of the room, and one responded that she wasn’t wearing an ugly sweater, it was a family heirloom from her grandmother.

    14. Natasha*

      We had a department, all younger guys, wear ugly Christmas sweaters to the holiday party and our HR admin was wearing one unironically. Awkward. Several of these guys also brought dates that dressed in very tight and short dresses. Future invitations stated “business attire”.

  12. SJ*

    Nothing too exciting for me, sadly. I think last week I told the story of my jerk boss handing me a nice bottle of wine, and, after a split-second where I thought the gift was for me, asking me to pass it along to my terrible coworker because he forgot.

    This same coworker is the one who laughed like it was the funniest thing EVER when I gave her a box of homemade cookies last year for the holidays. “I didn’t know you could work an oven!!!!” I’m so glad to be out of there.

    1. Paige Turner*

      Dude, I’d keep that wine for myself and if the boss asked why the coworker didn’t get it, I’d say I forgot.

      1. anonderella*

        ooo – wasn’t going to comment bc I didn’t think I had anything to say, but my office has been receiving holiday gifts since last week, and one of them was a box, containing:
        a) several paper towels being used as box-filler, on top of several plastic bags filled with homemade cookies; the bags were thin decorative plastic, like holiday-themed cling-film, and they had ALL broken, leaving greasy spots and cookie crumbles everywhere the moment I opened the box.
        b) a letter, written from the owner of one of our subcontractors, who was expressing how sorry he was that they couldn’t send their traditional gift this year, as it was the wife of the owner who usually put it together and she’d just succumbed to a brutal fight with cancer. The letter was quite emotional, but still made sure we knew they were thinking of us at the holidays.

        I showed my Office Manager, my boss, and tried to make her aware of the nature of the letter, as I knew she’d take one look at the cookie mess and throw it away. She walked off with the box, and seconds later I hear her saying to others in the office “Well we won’t be eating THIS.”
        I was like, you heartless c___.

              1. Golden Lioness*

                I am always happy to make new friends =) Not sure if we can PM each other on this site to send you my e-mail.

            2. Anonicat*

              What? Heck no, I’d be eating that cookie dough aaaaaaall myself.

              I could come around to wiping my fingers on the windows and door handles though.

          2. anonderella*

            I am in charge of keeping up with all the holiday gifts, also; she tasked me with keeping a list so we can distribute Thank Yous later, but she walked off with the box and the letter. Fortunately, I could remember the info, so I quickly added it to the list. My plan is to bring it up to her later (maybe in front of our co. owner), like ‘Did we remember to send a special thank you to the group who had suffered the loss from cancer?’ A lot of our clients/subs are small Mom & Pop places; I think the homemade cookies deserve the same recognition as the $250 gift basket.

            To anyone reading, would you lie in your Thank You note and say the cookies were delicious, or tell them the packaging was too unfortunate but you appreciate their gift and express condolences?

            1. NW Mossy*

              I think you can leave the note open and say “We so appreciate your thoughtfulness in sending us this gift, and we wish you our sincere condolences on your loss. Your partnership is valuable to us and we’re glad to have the opportunity to work with you.”

              And your office manager is kind of horrid. If she gets shirty about doing a thank-you to this group, I would suggest you take it upon yourself to do it.

              2. Marisol*

                I second this. I don’t think it’s essential to describe the consumption of the cookies. If you got cookies from Mrs. Fields, would you specifically mention their deliciousness or just give a warm thank you?

                On the other hand, lying is fine too. Or you could split the difference and say, “the cookies were wonderful” without actually saying you ate them.

                Ultimately as long as you acknowledge the gift politely, I’d say you’re doing the right thing.

            2. MoinMoin*

              I’d say they were delicious, or at least something truthful that skirts the taste part: It was so thoughtful of them to still think of you while dealing with this tragedy and they’ll be in your thoughts as well. Or something.

            4. Jill*

              This is a time where a white lie would be acceptable. “The treats were enjoyed by our staff” is perfectly fine. I find it hard to believe that the guy will survey the office to find out which cookie was everyone’s favorite. I would also add a line or two about how Your Company and its staff expresses its condolences to Their Company and the Family of Wife for their loss.

              BTW, if ever there was a Christmas Grinch, your Office Manager is it.

            5. Yetanotherjennifer*

              Maybe say you were touched by the gesture and enjoyed the cookies. They don’t need to know about the packaging fail but talking about the thought allows you to say thanks without lying.

            6. anonderella*

              Thanks for all the wording suggestions! I have a feeling I’ll be the one writing Thank Yous, or at least sending them out, so I should know if they get ‘overlooked’. I will make sure they know we are grateful! In a sea of holiday wishes, they could easily have sent nothing and no one would notice, so we should definitely take a few seconds to acknowledge their effort and their loss.

            7. FrequentLurker*

              I would thank them graciously and sincerely – with all they were going through, to have still thought to send a gift is an incredibly kind gesture. No need to mention the wrapping or anything negative that would make them feel bad.

      2. Cafe au Lait*

        Me. I’m a germaphobe, and I will not eat foods individuals with untidy hygiene habits have handled. Last year, I took over cake cutting at my Grandmother’s 80th birthday party because the woman cutting the cake kept licking her fingers inbetween cuts.

        I’m not so rude to tell you to your face. I’ll smile and thank you profusely before putting the food out in the break room.

    3. The Mom at Home, The Work Goddess*

      Glad for you, too. I hope 2016 was full of good, or at least worthy, colleagues.

    4. Lili*

      Something similar happened to me. I was called into a meeting, along with my two coworkers, so that my boss could update us about something. Then he proceeded to pull out two bottles of Dom Perignon, and give them to the other two coworkers as a reward for a project that they had completed.

      Of course, one of them doesn’t like champagne, so I got a secret free bottle instead. :)

  13. AnotherAlison*

    What do you think about lavish Christmas parties in the year of a RIF?

    I don’t go to my location-wide party, because it’s 1,000+ person party, which is way over my limit of 10 people in one room at a time, but they have had these big blowouts for years (ballroom location, unlimited free drinks, black-tie dress). I assume these things are planned about a year out, so there isn’t a lot that can be done after everything is booked, and I know that scaling back the party would not have changed the ~10% RIF, but it seems a little tone deaf to me.

    Maybe I’m wrong and it’s important for team solidarity going forward.

    1. fposte*

      It’s a judgment call, IMHO, so I dunno. I think there are almost always going to be layoffs of some kind happening that can make morale-focused events and parties feel ironic to those close to them so you can’t make a straight-out rule, but I also think that there’s a difference between a pot luck in a year when you’ve lost a few people to restructuring and a 1000-person party when you’ve lost close to the same amount of employees.

    3. NK*

      I think lavish parties in a year of a RIF is pretty tone-deaf. Those parties can cost as much as a couple people’s annual comp. That said, I do think it’s nice to keep scaled-down celebrations – smaller department ones instead of a 1,000+ person bash – to continue to provide some appreciation for the people who are still there.

    4. Whats In A Name*

      If I had to guess I would say they see the party as something people look forward to and as a good time so they keep it for employee morale. A one-time cost (even a big one) probably wouldn’t have affected bottom line, as you mentioned. I have mixed feelings on it as I can see it from both sides.

    5. Joseph*

      Honestly, I think there isn’t a good rule here; it really comes down to how the company handles things in general. Financially, even a lavish party isn’t likely to add up to more than the salary/benefits/insurance/etc costs of even a couple employees, so it’s really a perception thing.
      And that perception is going to rely heavily on how they treated the laid off people. If the company was cold-blooded about it, limited severance, etc, then a lavish holiday party is going to come across as mean-spirited, but if the company truly did the best they could, people are going to be a lot more forgiving.

    6. Central Perk Regular*

      I was working at a company during the Recession that did this. They had layoffs a few months before the holidays and still had a big splashy holiday party. All of the people laid off were junior employees who were living paycheck to paycheck who coincidentally were doing a ton of the work. I refused to go to the party because I thought it was just so tone deaf. I didn’t make a big deal that I wasn’t going and if anyone asked why I wasn’t there, I just said I had a prior engagement that I couldn’t break.

    7. JustaTech*

      Depends. Most years we had RIFs at my company (read, most years) we had smaller or pretty informal parties. Or no party. The year we went bankrupt we had a pretty big party (biggest since when we were cool) that would have been a great party if 1) the venue weren’t ever so slightly too large and 2) everyone weren’t depressed and anxious. The amount of alcohol was insane (and then the caterers took away the food early), but it just made people maudlin rather than dance-y.

      (Side note, museums are a great place to have company parties, because there are things to talk about that aren’t work (the exhibits) and there’s someplace for people to go to get a break from all the people without looking like a wallflower or a party pooper.)

      1. Claire (Scotland)*

        Yes on the museum thing! I’m not a fan of parties generally, but the best one I ever went to was in the the National Museum of Scotland*. The food was lovely, the free champagne was delicious and the band was great. But having stuff to talk about with the other attendees was the best!

        *It was the Edinburgh Film Festival Opening Gala, so also the swankiest party I’ve ever attended!

        2. Cath in Canada*

          We went to an amazing party for my husband’s work at the local aquarium a few years ago. When it got really loud inside, I wandered out and just watched the sea otters floating around for a while, even though it was below freezing out there. All the keepers were out there too and I had a really nice chat with some of them.

          It was a bit weird when they started serving sushi, but the open bar and free taxi vouchers helped me get over it.

        4. JustAnotherNonProfitManager*

          Scottish Museums rock for events. I went to a party at the Glasgow Science Centre which was just bizarre and amazing – so much better than fancy hotels which don’t give you any conversation starters

          1. Akcipitrokulo*

            I LOVE Glasgow Science Centre … I’m suggesting it for a corporate event we’re doing and hope it gets taken up!

      1. AnotherAlison*

        *shrugs*
        We were asked to share ” office holiday-related debacles”. I consider it a little bit of a debacle to have a lavish party when our coworkers were recently let go, but that’s just my opinion. You’re free to ignore the thread, and Alison is certainly free to moderate on her own.

    9. Dan*

      I’m with the “it depends” crowd.

      A few years back, OldJob had three rounds of RIFs in the same year, totaling 25 people, or 15% of the company. I got caught up in one of them. They cancelled the party that year.

      But… the company was so bad at handling RIFs, that the words “fear, uncertainty, and doubt” were going through my mind before I got whacked. People started leaving in droves, and I kept thinking to myself that management needs to do SOMETHING to make us think there’s reason to stay. (FWIW, while the actual RIF numbers weren’t huge, keep in mind the voluntary turnover, to which the company lost far more staff and never replaced them.)

      No Xmas party = Things Are Bad. Having an Xmas party when you’ve lost a large percentage of your staff to attrition and have no need to replace them? Tone deaf. Having an Xmas party when you’ve done some restructuring and want to keep people? You do need something to send the message that things are at least “ok”.

    10. James*

      I was going to say “It’s a horrible idea”. My company went through a few RIFs this year, and it would leave a VERY bad taste in my mouth if the company did this.

      Then I thought for a moment. If the COMPANY did this, yes, that’s bad. If my area manager did it, though, I’d be okay with it. The area didn’t have a bad year, after all, and there’s no reason for the local folks to deny themselves a traditional perk just because people we’ve never met haven’t had a bad year. Keep it subdued, sure, but don’t skip it.

      Of course, it’ll all depend on your situation.

    11. Spooky*

      Oh man, we had that – my previous company (which you’ve all heard me talk about so many times – I’m sorry I keep bringing them up!) had a huge, fancy holiday party right after closing an entire department and laying off a large percentage of people. The party rented out a really trendy restaurant in Chelsea, had a DJ, served custom cocktails and dishes like osso bucco, and was complete with an on-site artist doing portraits. Oh, and this was in addition to the personal yogini, who the president had hired to come into the office and give hot yoga classes twice a week for six months. Because you know, that was more important than her actual employees’ jobs.

      Definitely tone-deaf.

    12. INTP*

      It’s incredibly tone-deaf, imo. Depending on how annoyed people already are with upper management, it seems well-intentioned but super out-of-touch at best, and like they just don’t care about employee wishes and morale at worst.

      I’m less a fan of office functions than the average person, but even the people I know who generally like them still regard them as more of an obligation than a privilege. If you have to go anyways, then great food and free booze is certainly appreciated over bad food and no booze, but at the end of the day it’s a company event thrown for business purposes, not a treat being generously provided for the employees’ benefit. And the black tie element is extra out-of-touch because that makes it not just a schedule burden but a financial burden, seeing as most of the working- and middle-class employees will have to purchase or rent an outfit just for that party (or show up underdressed).

      If management comes across as generally well-meaning, it just looks like they’re a bit delusional about what their employees’ lives are like and how important their “appreciation” is to the employees to think such a thing would boost morale. If management is already seen as self-serving, it looks like they trimmed the budget in ways that hurt employees but wouldn’t spare an expense from their precious party that they throw for their own enjoyment and to look more high-end to any clients that might attend. Either way, it’s not good. You can scale it back and still provide good food and free beer and wine, which is all employees care about. They don’t care how fancy the room looks or that they don’t get to wear gowns and tuxes.

    13. Michele*

      Do we work together, because that sounds exactly like what happened here this year. They announced a 10-20% RIF a week before the party (formal dress, surf & turf, open bar, approximately 2000 people). No one knows for sure who is getting cut yet. I didn’t go to the party, but the people who did were apparently trying to drink as much as they could because of the company’s behavior. To be honest, there are far more egregious wastes of money than that party, and the company is still very profitable.

  14. Withans*

    1) Previous terrible boss threw a nice holiday party for us every year, on a Saturday night. When I was hired, other employees told me quickly that you had to show up and be profusely grateful to the boss, or else it would directly impact your raise and bonus. Also, if you weren’t going to be able to attend, you had to tell them why, and they would write it down and decide if it was ‘good enough’ of a reason. Other plans, children, and the fact it was a saturday night to be spent with the horrible boss were not considered good enough reasons.

    2) Different terrible boss decided one year to do a holiday dinner out for everyone. (He occasionally read a management book and decided to try something for about a week before reverting to being 100% terrible) So he took us all out to a vegan raw restaurant – nothing heated above, I believe, 120 degrees. He was vegan, no one else was even vegetarian. The menu items were things like “Pepperoni pizza” (dried cracker with nut paste and raddish slices), and “lobster tail” (a big piece of sliced mango). We all ate an appetizer, entree, and dessert while our boss and his fiancee refused to talk to any of us. Afterwards, a bunch of us went out to pizza, because we were starving. At least the cocktails were good.

    3. alter_ego*

      I’m allergic to nuts and most raw fruits and vegetables. Not that that restaurant sounds at all appealing anyway, but ooooooooh man, I doubt there would be a single thing on that menu I’d be physically capable of eating even if I wanted to.

    4. Paige Turner*

      This is so weird, especially since a lot of vegan/vegetarian cooking now makes an effort to not connect the dishes to a meat equivalent (that is, having a plant-based dish that is good on its own and is not intended to approximate a meat-based dish). The mango chunk is hilarious, though! Glad you got a good story out of it.

    5. AMT*

      To quote Achewood, “If more than half your menu is in quotes, you are running a metaphor, not a restaurant.”

    6. INTP*

      I eat about 75% vegan, I love vegan restaurants (give me an imaginative vegan menu over a bland cheesy vegetarian dish at an omni restaurant any day), I am used to vegan “cheese”/”bacon”/etc., the best restaurant meals I’ve had in the past six months were all vegan, I think people objecting to an occasional veg meal at a restaurant or wedding are often being childish…and even I would be annoyed about a RAW vegan restaurant. Blech. Eat there for lunch if you’re on a high raw diet but don’t make a bunch of people on varied diets eat crudites and nut pastes for dinner and tell them it’s a celebration.

    7. Heina*

      Ahahahaha! I went to a place like that a few times and it was awful. The best veg*n food is its own thing, not strips of things pretending to be other things.

    8. MashaKasha*

      I was at a party once where everything was vegan, and enjoyed the food immensely. (Unlike my then bf, who halfway through the party leaned over and whispered: “stop eating, we’re going out for real food soon.”) But it was not raw! I could not possibly handle vegan raw! And I cannot possibly imagine why anyone would think it would be a great idea for a workplace holiday dinner, it’s such a tiny niche!

      1. Cath in Canada*

        I know! I’m an omnivore but I love vegetarian food, and would be perfectly fine with a vegan restaurant even though I would wish there was cheese on everything, but raw is over the line IMO.

  15. AMT*

    I used to have a boss who was so tightfisted that she locked up the stamps. If you wanted to send a letter, you had to go into her office and explain why you needed the stamp. Then she’d peel off one stamp and put it on your finger.

    Anyway, when Christmas came around, she would distribute a $5 Dunkin’ Donuts gift card to each staff member. (Not out of her own pocket, mind you, but out of organization funds.) Then she mysteriously switched to 7-Eleven gift cards. Why? We found out that Dunkin’ no longer offered them in $5 denominations and she didn’t want to give us any more than that. Keep in mind, this was an office of six people, so it would have only been an extra $30.

    I know this sounds terribly ungrateful, but trust me when I say that she was horrible in so many ways that it was like the icing on the cake. I spent the gift card on booze to forget my job.

    3. Anna*

      It really doesn’t sound terribly ungrateful. I mean, a $5 gift card is nice, but more like “I just wanted to say thank you for finishing that project so quickly when the timeline changed,” not “happy holidays.” Your boss sucked.

    5. Liz2*

      Those little petty things really do add up to an overall miserable experience because it’s the mindset behind it that really ruins it all.

    6. Lily in NYC*

      Ha! We had a weird admin would only give us one strip of staples instead of a box. But she wasn’t cheap, just a bit odd.

      1. Malibu Stacey*

        I had to do that, but that was because people would take boxes at a time from the supply closet. If you came to me I gave you as many as you asked for, though.

        1. calonkat*

          I’m the person who cleans out cubicles when people leave (it’s government work, so low pay means continuing turnover). I’m amazed by the number of people who seem to need MULTIPLE boxes of staples. We use little paper anymore, some of these people didn’t have a stapler!

      2. The Mom at Home, The Work Goddess*

        Even in paper-intense situations, it can take 5 years to run through one box of staples. She did you a favor.

    7. JMegan*

      We once had a Christmas party where the door prize or whatever was a FOUR dollar gift card. Not $5, which is little enough as it is, but $4. It was very odd.

      1. Audiophile*

        I didn’t even think that was possible, most gift cards require a $10 minimum. I assume this is due to fees that are tacked on after a year of non-use.

    9. Person of Interest*

      I got a $5 Starbucks card last year from my boss. She’s usually very forthcoming with praise, flexibility, appreciation of the fact that we are overworked and underpaid. etc., so it felt strangely lame.

      1. Michele*

        I bet a vendor gave it to her. I don’t drink Starbucks, but one of our admins has it every day. Occasionally, I get a $5 Starbucks gift card from a vendor, and I always give it to her. I don’t pretend that I am being overly generous, though. It is just, “hey, Company X gave me this. Do you want it?”

    10. Mookie Ball*

      “I used to have a boss who was so tightfisted that she locked up the stamps. If you wanted to send a letter, you had to go into her office and explain why you needed the stamp. Then she’d peel off one stamp and put it on your finger.”

      This sounds like the type of boss that, if we still had stamps that you had to lick, the boss would insist on licking the stamp before giving it to you!

  16. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

    “He eventually told me a couple of days later that HR determined that it was too detrimental to me to tell me why I was not getting a bonus.”

    It was probably – as you might have determined – the boss just FORGOT. He probably worked off of his 1993 list.

    If I were told “it would be too detrimental to tell you” – I would say “I’m a big boy – I can handle the truth. Let me have it, so if I made a mistake, I don’t make it again.” Yes, that’s confrontational, but I’d rather accept a verbal explanation – “someone was upset over your mistake”, “well, I just forgot”, etc. than being kept in the dark over it.

    And if “he just forgot” … that can usually be fixed immediately in these cases, if the boss wants to own up to his forgetfulness.

    1. MashaKasha*

      You know… I think you’re right! I mean, apparently the boss later provided the information of a terrible work faux pas the OP had committed that had resulted in the yanking of the bonus without telling her… but I think it was really what you’re saying!

  17. Venus Supreme*

    Recent college grad attending my first company holiday party here. So… this one was different than I expected. I spent the majority of the party with a bewildered expression.

    Background: I work for a nonprofit arts org and we’re used to having a bit of a casual atmosphere. We dress down most days and we’re used to (maturely) handling sensitive/not family-friendly material, due to the programming we present. Overall it’s handled very professionally.

    I haven’t had much interaction with not-admin people, but I did at the holiday party! It was really a one-man show for one employee (Nick) and he created a platform, spotlight, and microphone for him to sit on throughout the party. I think he was the MC? He played music filled with sexual innuendos and curse words, which is apparently okay for his kid to hear but left me wondering how the other children and their parents in the room felt about it. I was volunteered by someone else to help run our variation of the Yankee Swap, with Nick as the MC (of course). The whole game lasted about 2 hours plus an “intermission,” and one gift unwrapped was a Spanish-translated script for a play, The Vagina Monologues. Again, we are an arts company and we honor the Spanish language (as we serve our community that is mainly comprised of native Spanish speakers). Nick goes on to read a passage from the play, making sure to butcher the language and make crude jokes at the word Vagina. I was mortified. Then he took a phone call and stayed on the microphone for everyone to hear his conversation. What a waste of everyone’s time. These were a couple examples of his behavior that night, and the day after the party I was told that this is the way it’s been for about the past 20 years. The party started at 4:30 and was still going strong when I left at 8PM…

    Some coworkers avoid this party like the plague, and the holiday party has also been regarded as “The Nick Show.” Now I know why.

      1. Venus Supreme*

        HAHAHA! It does sound like that from what I wrote. Basically he created a little stage for everyone to look at him. It reminded me of a little coffee shop poetry slam.

      1. Venus Supreme*

        Oh, wonderful question. People with seniority around here can get away with everything except stealing the Declaration of Independence. Our business manager is another long-timer and we don’t have direct deposit because she doesn’t like it.

          1. Golden Lioness*

            That was what I was wondering as well… If this is sample of how they handle things, it would be a fair assumption to imagine that it’s not the best of work places.

            1. Venus Supreme*

              My previous workplace was straight up toxic- I was hospitalized from the stress and the toll it took on my body. This place is paradise compared to OldJob. I can also confidently say that my department, including my immediate supervisor and coworkers, make the day pleasant. Of course, it’s not sunshine & rainbows every day, but I know my manager will stick up for us if need be. She’s actually doing her part so that we can get direct deposit in place!

              Also, I have zero overlap with Nick which helps my day-to-day.

              1. Golden Lioness*

                I am so sorry to hear that! and I know how it feels. My 1st job in the US was “the job from hell” I lost 20 lbs a lot of hair and would leave crying everyday. It was such a relief when I was laid off!

                1. Venus Supreme*

                  Oh no, I’m sorry that happened to you as well! OldJob’s holiday party was terrible. I was having an allergic reaction to something with nuts in it well before the party (it was to take place in the office) and OldBoss told me to “pop a Benadryl” and work through the reaction while I decorated the office. I was supposed to go ON A LADDER to hang tinsel when a board member saw me and told me to go home.

                  Why are some bosses terrible?!

      1. Venus Supreme*

        I asked myself the same thing!! Nick is the head of his little department and it seems like the party is geared more toward him and his friends and everyone else politely looks on as “outsiders” from this clique.

        Another employee is known for his AMAZING (alcoholic) cocktails and to be honest next party I’m planning to stay for a glass or two of his and then make a quiet exit.

    6. Polka Dot Bird*

      When you have to have an intermission in your gift swap game, it is time to pause and reassess what you are doing. Amazing.

  18. Grits McGee*

    Christmas party planning (once again) ended in tears over an argument about whether body part-shaped gummy candy was an appropriate table decoration.

      1. Joseph*

        +1
        I’d like to know that too. I can’t believe after the first time someone didn’t just say “screw it, let’s just get candy canes and go with that”.

      2. Grits McGee*

        For reasons which I dare not know, there is a small contingent of people in my department who all have strong personalities, strong opinions, and no chill. Everyone hates each other, but they all must be on the various party planning committees. Our fall potluck was simultaneously “sports jersey”, “Halloween”, and “Richard Nixon”-themed because I accidentally ended up in charge and did not have the energy to veto anything.

        1. Emi.*

          I gotta ask, what do you do at a Richard Nixon Party? Wiretap your enemies? Lie to the public? Snort coke with Elvis?

          1. pope suburban*

            I dunno, but I guess I’d be thankful for that theme for a potluck if “I’m not a cook!”

        7. The Mom at Home, The Work Goddess*

          1000 bonus points for letting people be themselves. You may be on to something here – from storming to norming.

        8. toomanybooks*

          Omg, I’m actually laughing out loud on the bus reading all those themes. How were they all executed simultaneously? And who thought Nixon would be a fun fall-specific party theme?

          1. Wintermute*

            To be fair if you’re going to have a Nixon party it’s the best time of year… no one remembers his campaign promises, a few policy wonks remember Nixon going to China– but EVERYONE remembers Nixon’s Fall.

          1. kbeersosu*

            Ditto. I assumed someone had some “personal” body part gummies left over from a bachelor/bachelorette party that the were looking to get rid of.

    5. ginger ale for all*

      Just tell people that they are guitars (referring to the Miley Cyrus Gummy Guitars that were put out a few years back).

  19. TeasedLW*

    This is off-topic but since my question popped up under the “You May Also Like” I felt inspired to say this…

    I’m the LW from the letter “my coworkers mercilessly tease me about my drunken holiday party behavior.” Last week was our company holiday party. I’m happy to report that I stayed 100% sober and professional this year. Well, I did do some silly dancing, but it was just plain ol’ (sober) bad dancing, not falling-down-drunk embarrassing dancing. My behavior last year did come up once or twice, but it wasn’t too bad.

    Having made it through this year’s party, I feel like I can finally move on from that incident. I have been working really hard on sobriety this past year. I wish I could say I haven’t had a drink since my update letter, but the truth is I’m still working on it. However, I am in therapy and AA and doing really well. I believe that 2017 will be the year I can stay sober for good.

    It makes me happy to read through the comment section on that letter and remember all the support and empathy I received from Allison and the commenters. Thanks everyone.

    3. Lemon Zinger*

      Oh my goodness, I’m so happy to hear from you! It’s wonderful to hear that you’re doing well. Happy holidays!

    17. Victoria Nonprofit (USA)*

      Thank you for saying hello, and congratulations on the good and hard work you’re doing.

    33. krfp13*

      Good for you! In case you are interested, the book: The 30 Day Sobriety Solution was amazing and helped me greatly. It’s about so much more than drinking, it’s about being a whole person who loves themselves. I got mine from my local library, and then decided to purchase a copy. Highly recommended really for anyone who just wants to feel better about life. Keep on keep on-in’!

    35. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      Thank you so much for updating us. Every one of us has at least one moment in our lives that we look back upon with shame. It is hard not to let that define you. But with your update, you have shown us that it is possible. It takes hard work, but it’s possible to change and move on.

      I especially appreciate your honesty and saying that you have consumed alcohol. The path to lasting change is never smooth. There are times when it’s one step forward, two steps back. Yet you’re still determined to move forward on that path, and you aren’t letting setbacks stop you. This will sound so strange coming from an internet stranger, but I am really proud of you. It sounds like you’re also proud of yourself. (And I hope this doesn’t sound patronising, because it’s truly not meant to be, but your story is inspiring for people who are struggling with making a lasting change. This update has made me smile so much.)

      Congratulations on all your success and I hope that 2017 is an amazing year for you.

    36. Nic*

      Thank you so much for the update! It is always good to hear back, and positive ones are especially wonderful. :D

    37. VolunteercoordinatorinNOVA*

      Congrats on your all of your hard work over this last year and I’m glad to hear that this years party was more successful. I always remind myself that recovery is a journey and it’s never a straight forward path and hitting those bumps along the way are important as they teach you so much about yourself and what you need to stay sober. I once had someone tell me that if you look back in 6 months, you can either have made no changes for 6 months and be at the same place or worked hard to change things (even if it’s not always 100% successful) and be further along than you would have been if you didn’t continue to work at it. It sounds like you’re working to set you self up for a successful, sober 2017!

  20. vacc*

    Two jobs ago I worked with a certifiably crazy person.

    I used to bring cupcakes or treats into work occasionally.

    I brought my husband to the holiday party and upon being introduced to my husband, crazy coworker poked him in the stomach and said, “I can see you’re enjoying all the cupcakes at home!”

    My husband, who is the friendliest person known to man, glared at crazy coworker, said, “Happy Holidays,” and then froze the dude out for the remainder of the evening. Crazy coworker had zero understanding of what he’d done wrong.

    2. Lemon*

      Oh lord. How do people not realize that this is basically like saying “Wow, you’re really fat!” and that maybe people don’t like being called fat?

    3. MashaKasha*

      I miss the old days when employers could afford the “+1” holiday parties. Double the crazy!

      I have a story about a semi-crazy coworker’s full-on crazy wife. My first holiday party at OldJob, my then husband and I found ourselves sharing a table with Mr. and Mrs. Crazy. The conversation started out totally normal, they asked us about the time when we came to America, what we did for work the first year, how old the kids were, and seemed interested in our answers. All good. Suddenly Mrs. Crazy, whom I had never seen before in my life and barely knew her husband, says, “it must’ve been so hard for you that first year, because you could not homeschool your children!” Uh. Yes. Yes. That was the hardest part, I swear! I looked at my husband and he was as confused/amused as I was. I have no idea how she came up with that comment. They were very outspokenly conservative/religious, so that was probably how.

  21. Addison*

    The second year I worked here I joked that other than the small Christmas celebration with my tiny family, I was going to spend my week off for Christmas on “staycation,” hanging out with my cat and unwinding. A couple people laughed and said “your CAT??” and I just shrugged and said yeah, she’s a pal. Don’t have to buy her presents (I didn’t add that I usually do buy her presents but WHATEVER SHE’S FAMILY OK), doesn’t bug me while I end of the year de-stress, it’s great. There was some joking and “cat lady” teasing but nothing too crazy.

    A couple weeks later, my secret Santa got me nothing but cat stuff. Like, stuff for the CAT, not me. Toys, kitty treats, catnip, a little scratcher. My secret Santa turned out to be my boss.

    1. SJ*

      Hahaha! I’d kinda love it if a Secret Santa got me all gifts for my cat. I don’t need more stuff, but my cat always loves more stuff!

      1. Amber T*

        LOL tbh my cats don’t need more stuff either. That didn’t stop my mom from buying two pet sized fleece blankets (or from me accepting them). I’ll be sure to buy them a handful of new toys, which they will ignore in favor of bags, plastic bottle tops, and my toes under blankets =^..^=

        1. Artemesia*

          those little spirals of plastic that come off milk jugs — so bouncy, such great cat toys. I remember back when we had a house cleaner and she moved the couch to clean under it and was mystified as why there were about 20 milk tops under the couch.

    2. Venus Supreme*

      Haha, honestly I’d love to receive that as a gift! My cat is my pride and joy. Although he’s a Special Cat in that he’s not very interested in toys (or boxes, or scratching posts, or anything you’d expect a cat to like), and catnip makes him fall asleep…

      1. Marillenbaum*

        My plan for the new boyfriend is to get a present for his dog. To be fair, she’s a really good dog.

        2. Michele*

          Before I got married, I had a strict “love me, love my dog” policy. Actually, I think at first my now-husband liked my dog more than he liked me. Not that I can blame him–she was a great dog.

          1. Chinook*

            I dated one guy whom, when I amicably broke up with him, told me to contact him if I ever needed help with my dog. I swear he loved that little guy more than he liked me.

        3. MashaKasha*

          Go for it! I wanted to instantly marry any SO who did anything for my dog. (Admittedly, only one of them did.)

      1. Addison*

        She loved them! And thankfully none of them were noisemakers so I didn’t have to endure much jingly-jangly torture on that front.

    4. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

      I got Christmas presents AND STOCKINGS for my two cats, and plan to buy the kitty my wife and I are now fostering a present, if it does not find a home before Christmas.

      (Also, do you want an orange and white polydactyl tabby mix that hates cuddles but loves to purr LOUD and rub against you?)

      1. Jessesgirl72*

        My parents are coming this year for Christmas, for the first time ever (normally we visit the week before/after), so instead of wrapped presents under the tree for the dogs and cats, there are merely unwrapped toys stuffed into the tree out of their immediate reach. ;)

              1. nope it's not gonna happen*

                Hi neighbor! If I could have another cat I’d take her! Hope Zoey finds a home soon.

            2. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

              Hi! Are you enjoying the snow? I swear it makes people forget how to drive! And I am going to see “Fun Home” at the Ordway this weekend. But it’s supposed to be -10 out!

              I hope I don’t have to wait too long for the doors to open, haha.

              1. Solidus Pilcrow*

                It’s the “albino brain chiggers,” * they eat away all knowledge of driving in snow. Thank goodness I don’t have to go on the major highways on my normal commute. 35W is certifiably messed up.

                * Episode of “Third Rock From the Sun.” The aliens experience snow for the first time and has one of them running in panic from the albino brain chiggers falling from the sky. This has become my favorite name for snow.

          2. Sunshine Brite*

            Adorable! I wish we were in a place to get another… and didn’t have to be absolutely sure about fit given how surly our current cat is.

          3. AnonEMoose*

            Hi, neighbors!

            I also am not in need of another cat, although that one sounds fabulous. But our two current feline overlords are a very tight unit (they’re littermates), and one of them in particular would NOT be happy about an addition.

            1. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

              I wish we could get cat people together to move them nationwide to get homes quicker! I would totally send Zoey on a trip to find her new family.

          5. Natalie*

            So many MN people. We should do a meetup.

            Unfortunately our cat HATES other cats. My husband brought her to his parents house once, and she kicked both of their cats out of their territory and took over the house. One of his parents cats has never really been the same.

          6. Emilia Bedelia*

            Oh no, I’m on the other side of the country

            But in the same spirit, if anyone in the metro NY/northern NJ area is looking for a cat, Ramapo-Bergen Animal Rescue, Inc. is a great place :)

            1. Opaque Snowflake*

              Awesome! I’m central NJ.

              My family and I have rescued from New Beginnings Animal Rescue (their cat sanctuary is awesome), Animal Rescue Force (my family dog lived to be 17!), and Puppy Love Pet Rescue, to add to the list :)

      3. Adlib*

        Oh man! Orange & polydactyl makes this kitty sound amazing to me! (Already have one orange/white cat and a polydatctyl!) What a sweetie he sounds like! I love the idea of getting him a present even if he’s a foster. :)

        1. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

          Of course! She doesn’t understand that she isn’t permanent, but, I think, can understand not getting toys while my two do. And I’m not mean like that. It would be like not getting a family member a present, because he is being raised by my SIL, who is his stepmom.

            1. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

              No, my SIL is raising her ex’s kid.

              But he’s 4.5. All he would know is that he wouldn’t get presents like the other kids in my family. And I like to think no one would be that petty.

      4. Golden Lioness*

        New kitty! the best gift ever!

        That orange kitty sounds great. I have 2 geriatric cats (17 and 16) right now, so I can’t add to the family, as it would be very disrupting

    5. Addison*

      oh my god. Ok, update – Secret Santa is this week as well, I just opened up my gift and it’s an air freshener hangy thing for my new car, shaped like a kitty with a cone on its head, in “Pot-PURR-i” scent. I’m basically crying with laughter. It’s so cute, but I think I might officially be a crazy cat lady since I’m on year four now.

      2. Whats In A Name*

        I can’t decided if it’s awesome or a little crazy in itself. I, however, love all things cat.

        1. Addison*

          That’s the one! I would have taken a pic but I wasn’t sure if that’s a normal thing people do on here. Even just looking at the picture of it online has me bawling with laughter again though. I went to put it on my mirror during my lunch break – can’t wait to get in and take a whiff of that sweet potpurri on the way home.

          1. Addison*

            I was actually kind of Concerned that it would smell like (clean) kitty litter so I opened it… it’s actually quite a fresh pleasant smell!

        5. Student*

          Their advertising copy is the best part: “Expresses the universal suffering of all living creatures”

    6. LA*

      Ever since we made it clear that we have cats, not kids, my in-laws always get me and my husband at least one set of gifts for our cats. So does one of his grandmothers. It’s actually really nice (and more useful than a tenth pair of mittens/candles)

      1. Anna*

        A few years ago my husband’s aunt and uncle got us a really nice basket of things that included a cat toy and treats for our kitty. She LOOOOOOVED the toy. I can go into rhapsodic stories about how much she loved that toy, but I will refrain from going all googly-eyed cat stories on you guys.

        3. Chinook*

          What, getting gifts for everyone’s pets isn’t normal? Does that mean people also don’t leave out stockings for their pets for Santa to fill?

      3. Emi.*

        When you say “made it clear that we have cats, not kids,” do you mean that you finally convinced your parents/in-laws that you were not going to have kids, just sticking with the cats, or did they think your cats were actually human children?

      4. LizB*

        Last year (my first year having a kitty) my boyfriend’s parents sent my cat a Christmas present, ostensibly “from” their cats. It seriously made my day.

    8. Sibley*

      Cat presents are totally acceptable to me! Especially if the silly cat will play with it, not run away scared… (can you get a glimpse of my life this week?)

      1. Addison*

        I would go bananas if my cat got a cat tunnel. She would LOVE that, it would keep her entertained and she would finally have a reason to leave me alone for awhile!!!!!

        I started out this story feeling like it was so zany that my boss got my cat gifts but the more this goes on the more I realize how great it actually is.

          2. Adlib*

            So cool. We have both a big cat tunnel and a small one that my female cat has squished, but it’s still her favorite!

            1. Venus Supreme*

              Aw, my cat is scared of being in small quarters. I made him that DIY cat-tent that was circulating around online and he freaked out. He much prefers a human lap to lay upon. He’s had a rough life on the street and I always wonder what’s happened to him before I adopted him! He’s around 4 years old.

      2. Good Afternoon!*

        I once gave pet stairs as a wedding gift.

        It was in the registry and their dog is pretty awesome. Trained to do some very odd things specific to the owners.

        He was part of the wedding even.

    10. Shazbot*

      That’s sweet! When I had cats* my family and I revived the surprise-gifts-from-Santa tradition, and for years Santa brought gifts for their cats and mine.

      *Mine sadly passed in Jan 2015 and Jan 2016. No cats = sad, depressed Shazbot.

      3. Adlib*

        I’m so sorry. (If it helps, your name is a nickname that I often use for one of our cats. We rarely use their given names, anyway!)

      4. Golden Lioness*

        SO sorry to hear that! My two are getting old and I know I am in borrowed time with my girl… she’s been fading but she’s still playful and hanging on. It breaks my heart when I see how hard it is for her to climb up the stairs now. She went from 14 lbs to 6 lbs. Kidneys are failing and has bad arthritis.

        1. Shazbot*

          I don’t know if it would help, but maybe plugging in a heating pad and putting it in/under her bed or where she likes to sleep would make her achy joints feel better?

          1. his finger*

            That helps a little bit. She’s 17 already. She likes to sleep wrapped around my head on my pillow, purring loudly, which keeps me up longer that I’d like… I love her to pieces!

            I have tried a heating pad in the couch and she sits in there for a while, but it looks like once she’s up and running again she starts to get stiff again very quickly. I have tried cosequin, shots. I give her massages. It helps a little bit, buy my little cuddle diva is just old.

            2. SarahKay*

              When I was a kid our dog had arthritis and the vet recommended cod liver oil for her. Bonus was that (unlike humans) she adored the taste and would perk up each day when it was time for her ‘treat’. Might be an option for your cat?

      5. Elizabeth West*

        I feel you. I miss my kitty still (she died in July). I’m not getting another kitty until after I move away from here, so I don’t have to worry about relocating with one.

    12. TCO*

      I, too, would be delighted by gifts for my cats. Both my and my husband’s families routinely give holiday gifts to each others’ cats, dogs, and horses.

    13. Mel*

      Any time I do Secret Santa and the person actually knows me, I always end up with cat stuff – either cat toys for my cat or cat-themed stuff for me. And I love it!

    14. Lovemyjob...truly!!*

      All of these holiday cat stories…I have to share a story that happened to me last night. I am a girl scout leader and my troop decided they wanted to create and host an event for the younger troops in town (ages 5-9). It was VERY popular – over 60 kids showed up to participate! One of the things we did at the event was a decorate your own sugar cookie table. I was the person in charge of handing out cookies. There were lots of different shaped cookies but I wouldn’t let the girls choose their shape because 1) we had a lot of girls and not a ton of shapes and 2) this was only a one hour event and who has time for that??
      One of the older girls in the group came up for her cookie and I handed her a cat shaped cookie. There are at least 6 girls behind her in line. She asks for a different cookie shape. I tell her no but that she can trade with a friend if they’re willing. She stomps her foot and says “But I hate cats!” I am now handing out cookies to the girls in line behind her trying to move them along and she says “Fine! I’ll take it but I bet this cat cookie tastes as awful as cats are!”

      I am literally laughing now as I write it out. It was such a weird comment to make but I guess when you’re 8 or 9 and you don’t like cats, you REALLY don’t like cats! :)

      1. ginger ale for all*

        I would have been that girl. I was mauled by a dog when I was young and I would have had to leave the party if I had gotten a dog anything.

      2. Marillenbaum*

        Slight derail: how did you get involved with Girl Scouts? I wasn’t a scout as a kid, but I love their mission and would be thrilled to participate. Is that considered weird if you don’t have daughters in the troop?

        1. Judy*

          I’m also a girl scout leader. I’m also a mother of one of the girls in my troop. Go online to girlscouts dot org. There’s a “find a council” link. There are links to the councils based on a map. I would have loved to not need to draft another mother to be my co-leader. In my situation, it wasn’t that hard, I have a group of very involved parents.

          Don’t worry about not being a scout as a girl, much of the mechanics of the program are different.

          Our council also has specialized troops – a “tech troop” for high school girls, there’s a troop for down syndrome girls, there are troops at places like the Boys&Girls club – these troops usually don’t have parents leading.

        2. Jen*

          I’m a Sparks leader with my daughter (Canadian equivalent, for 5-6 year old girls). I can’t speak for the American system, but it’s not a problem at all if you don’t have daughters in the group here — some leaders only have sons, but want to help out with the girls, some leaders have girls who’ve aged out or stopped going, but the leaders want to carry on, and some leaders do it because the groups need leaders and they have past experience with Girl Guides, or just want to help.

          I’m not a kid-person, so it can be tough for me, but the other leaders and I are starting to connect and relax together, which is great, and it’s great to be able to be a (hopefully) positive influence with young girls, including my daughter.

        3. SB*

          Jumping in here – I’ve been a GS troop leader without kids in the troop (or kids at all) and they’re totally fine with it! Just go to your local council’s website and fill out the volunteer interest form or send them an email.

      3. Elizabeth West*

        Haha, that’s funny!

        I was a Girl Scout. I loved it. LOVED it. Back in those days, we had pocket knives and learned how to make buddy burners and camp stoves out of a coffee can. I think I have my old Junior book around here somewhere. And when I was a Brownie, we made these insane Christmas decorations by folding up magazines and Reader’s Digests, with a styrofoam ball for a head.

        Man, I’m old.

        1. Soupspoon McGee*

          I was so pissed when my GS troop insisted on teaching me to knit and wash dishes. I wanted to build campfires and tie knots and pitch tents, like my dad had done in boy scouts!

          1. Natasha*

            I hated GS for the same reason. One day we actually learned how to do a proper table setting. Lame! All crafts and no camping or shooting anything. Then BS came and told our class about all the cool things you could do in boy scouts, but that girls couldn’t join. Salt in the wound.

          2. Artemesia*

            My troop was the same. The leader was crafty and very unfit and not at all interested (or probably able) to do things like hike and camp. So we did crafts and sewing things which I just hated and we never did outdoor stuff. when I was a scout leader for my daughter, we did crafts of course, but we also had major camping trips with camp crafts every year.

    15. Bow Ties Are Cool*

      Heh, I’ll be spending this weekend making catnip toys as holiday presents for our (3) cats. They may be a TEENSY bit spoiled…

      2. GiggleFits*

        My former cat (RIP) would actually open presents if they involved catnip. We learned fast not to put them under the tree until Christmas morning.

    16. Rebecca in Dallas*

      Haha, that’s awesome!

      I am also the designated “cat lady” at my office. Our pet supplies buyer brings me all kinds of samples and wants my opinion since she doesn’t have any cats at home. She even sent me home with cat-sized Thunder shirts to test out once! It did not go well.

    17. Damn it, Hardison!*

      Last year my colleague bought me a big gift basket at her church fundraiser that was all about the cats – cat toys, treats, bowls and cat nip. It was awesome! Of course the kitties liked the basket the best.

      For years my dad sent a Christmas check with $10 extra dollars (e.g. $110) and a note on the memo line that said $10 for grandkitties.

    19. k*

      Aww, I think that’s actually really sweet! At least it shows they put effort into personalizing it, instead of some generic thing. I’ve never been part of an office Secret Santa, but am now part of one with my spouse extended family. I can assure you I’d rather have gifts for my dogs that some of the well intended but random stuff I’d never use that I’ve gotten.

    20. Golden Lioness*

      As a fellow cat lover (I do love all critters but cats have a special place in my heart) I love this. At my first job my coworkers used to do the same. No pictures of family in my cubicle but I had several pics of my 2 cats.

    21. Jadelyn*

      Last year my white elephant gift was this jar with a butterfly on a wire in it, with a button that when pressed would move the wire and make the butterfly appear to be flittering around in the jar.

      My cat. LOVED. That thing. I showed her the button – set it down and when she was looking, pressed the button a few times so she could connect button-pressing with butterfly-flittering – and she actually learned to play with it by herself, so I would leave it out for her when I went to work (until the battery died).

    22. Mookie Ball*

      ” I was going to spend my week off for Christmas on ‘staycation'”

      I *hate* that term, “staycation.” I don’t have a problem with the concept, just the word. “Staycation” sounds like you’re being deprived of something, because what you really want to do is take a VAcation but you can’t so you have to settle for a STAYcation.

      1. MashaKasha*

        Plus the word just sounds off.

        “We need to have a romantic staycation”, a date texted me a few years ago; that’s when it finally hit me that he was certifiably crazy.

    23. Rachel*

      I would actually love it if my Secret Santa got gifts for my dog and cat. : ) They both enjoy getting presents!

    24. Anna*

      I’m late to the game here, but this thread reminded me a secret santa exchange I had at an old job, where we gave each other ornaments. The person who had my name didn’t know me well, so just bought me a silver and rhinestone “A” ornament, which was nice enough, but not really my taste. My cat, however, LOVED it, and would walk around holding it by the string in his mouth. Which of course then made me love it, too!

    25. Thoughts*

      I really appreciate that your boss supported you staying home to chill with your cat. Like, ok, cool, that’s how you choose to spend your time.

  22. Going anon*

    I’m going anon because this just happened YESTERDAY and I’d rather not out myself.

    We had a Yankee swap at my office where you could “steal” gifts. One of my coworkers got really upset that it wasn’t being played by her preferred set of rules and argued about it for way too long. Then when she unwrapped her choice of gift and decided she liked it, she put it down her bra and tried to walk out of the room so no one could steal it from her.

    3. Liane*

      And did she also contribute a package of random trash instead of a decent gift?

      2017 Yankee Swap rule #1–Chocolate Bra coworker doesn’t get to play.

    4. NarrowDoorways*

      Wow!

      Kinda relates: Last year it was ME who made the embarrassing comment about the swap rules. We’d always had a particular set of Yankee Swap rules and the office manager forgot what they were last year. So he on-the-spot made up rules that were all wrong and also kinda unfair. Stupidly, I blurted out–in front of the company owner and executives–“Well that’s dumb!”

    5. alter_ego*

      I don’t understand this at all. Both the arguing about the rules, and being *that* possession over one of the gifts. The spending limit is usually what? 20-25 dollars? If you really like something that much, just get one yourself later. I’ve totally done that before

      1. MoinMoin*

        I could understand clarifying ahead of time if they’re supposed to be real gifts or wacky gifts, but yeah I have trouble imagining wasting any emotion on this.

      2. Marisol*

        I was going to say the same thing. I’ve seen people have a similar hoarding mentality with free food. Like, it’s just a piece of cake. You can buy yourself another piece of cake from the grocery store later if you miss out this time around. But it’s clearly not a rational response.

        1. MsMaryMary*

          Depending on how well endowed she is, many things can be hidden in a bra! I didn’t understand this when I was an A cup, but now that I’m a DD I’ve caught on.

        2. Going anon*

          It was a gift card, which explains why someone was willing to steal it from her after she did that. (I love that she didn’t get to keep it.)

          1. Juli G.*

            Yeah, I’m not squeamish and I have to work hard to keep my confrontational behavior at bay. I also would have been “Game on!” to that behavior.

        3. Marillenbaum*

          Stapler, ten pencils, paperback copy of Arabian Nights, dog bone, remote control, hardback copy of Wuthering Heights!

          Sorry, I just needed to make a “Heavy Boobs” reference (check out the YouTube video if you haven’t seen it).

        1. Teclatrans*

          Nope, depends on where you put it Down the cleavage? Amateur stuff, and likely to pop out. I have developed an odd habit of putting my car keys or smart phone in my bra, near where the strap meets the cup, over my pec. I have also been known to lift my breast and place an item underneath, where it gets pinned to the cup by the weight. (Hence my utter delight at that part of heavy boobs.) Life would be different if women’s clothing had more pockets.

          1. Amy the Rev*

            ^^ This!!! the only downside of getting my reduction surgery was that i could no longer fit an entire smartphone in my bra without it poking out somewhere and looking odd

    7. Jillian*

      Can I ask a random question, is a ‘yankee swap’ the same thing as a White Elephant? I have never heard that term before. If it is the same, I’m guessing it’s just a regional difference.

      1. Not the Droid You Are Looking For*

        They are used interchangeably…though I have heard people say they have different rules.

        I had a former coworker swear that you brought a nice gift to a Yankee Swap and a gag gift for a White Elephant.

        1. Persephone Mulberry*

          This isn’t a coworker story, but is related to your comment, because around here, White Elephant does specifically mean gag/silly/regift (no one I know uses the term Yankee Swap, but for the life of me I can’t think of what we say instead, right now. Maybe just “gift swap”). Anyway, my darts league team has a Christmas party every year, and being new to the team, last year was the first year I attended. I was told there would be a gift swap, so I went to Target and picked up a lap blanket or something generic like that. My gift happened to be the first one chosen, and the person who opened it goes “oh, are we doing grown up gifts this year?!” I about died – no one bothered to tell me that it was much more of a White Elephant/silly gift thing. The “winner” for most-fought-over gift was the thrifted smiley face wafflemaker.

          1. Emma*

            I think that’s far better than the reverse, though, where everyone’s doing decent gifts except for That One Jackass who does the trash thing or empty box or whatever. But yeah, it’d help if places let you know the house rules before the exchange.

            Also, I’m not joking, I’d’ve been stoked to get that wafflemaker. No way it’d end up regifted the next year, either.

          2. Drew*

            Heh. I went to a white elephant at a friend’s house a couple of weeks ago where I was one of the only new people there — everyone else was telling jokes about awful gifts from years past.

            As it turned out, one of those gifts came back — a WILDLY inappropriate “how to” book that I don’t think Alison’s site rules allow me to describe — paired with a bottle of Kraken. The person who opened it looked really mortified by the book, so I did him the favor of taking the gift off his hands. I wasn’t really thrilled about the idea of looking so enthusiastic to get a book about [forbidden topic]…but…free Kraken!

        2. Beancounter in Texas*

          At one White Elephant, someone brought a large box about the size of a case of copy paper. It was also heavy enough to be a case of paper. It was full of office supplies – sticky notes, pads, staples, paperclips, colored pencils, pens, highlighters, tape and organizer trays. The dork in me was sad I couldn’t steal it when it was my turn.

          1. Golden Lioness*

            I would have loved that too! At one white elephant exchange this lady came with a box full of used paperbacks and I couldn’t steal that gift fast enough. I was the only one that wanted it, so I got to keep it. Loved the long hours of entertainment and picked out a few new authors to buy.

        3. Allison*

          See this is what confuses me. I’ve always been under the impression both gift exchanges have the same rules, but a Yankee Swap is for “proper” gifts and the White Elephant is for silly things – gag gifts, crappy stuff you got last Christmas and want to get rid of, or just random stuff. Yet recently I’m hearing people talk about White Elephants where you have to bring a proper gift, no “joke” gifts, so maybe it’s a regional thing. But it’s confusing.

          1. Kelly L.*

            It always pays to clarify with whoever’s in charge, IMO. Some people call it “white elephant” but they mean good stuff. And nobody wants to get it wrong in either direction!

            1. Jamey*

              Yeah I’m doing a “white elephant” with my friends this year and everyone else definitely took that as gag-gift-ier than I meant it. I tried to tell people that silly gifts are totally okay but not complete garbage? I’m trying to hit a balance between “this is silly and fun” and “I like my friends and want them to get gifts they don’t hate”

          2. Lore*

            At my work we did Yankee Swaps when our dept was smaller. But our rule was, no unwrapping till the end–all the “stealing” was entirely based on packaging. So everyone stayed safely generic with gifts–tea/coffee, wine, games, candies, etc–and got crazy creative with wrapping. I used Scooby Doo paper one year and had the hit of the game. (Once all the gifts were open anyone could trade if they wanted later, but no stealing.)

            2. Chinook*

              My women’s group did a Yankee Swap like that a few nights ago, only with the twist that nobody got to take their gifts home. Instead, they were encouraged to buy something for a teen, adult, or senior that would then be donated to the local Lioness Christmas Hamper Campaign to fill in any holes in their baskets. The rule was nobody opened until the end and I had to actively encourage people to steal from others (I pointed out that a lazy woman could just take her neighbor’s gift and make them walk to the gift table).

              Because we gave everyone the heads up about it, the wrapping was quite nice (and reusable), we all had a fun time because everyone could participate while still chatting with friends, and, best of all, no one had to worry about going home with stuff they didn’t want.

        4. Meghan*

          White Elephant actually has a specific meaning. It’s a gift that’s burdensome or hard to get rid of. There’s a legend about the King of Siam getting a white elephant or some such, so the White Elephant gift exchange does refer specifically to gifts you don’t want. Yankee Swap is proper gifts.

          1. Emi.*

            I think the idea is that white elephants are rare, so you think it would be so great to have one, but actually, who wants to take care of an elephant long-term?

          2. Fiona the Lurker*

            The point is that a white elephant in particular has to be treated very, very well and isn’t expected to do any work; therefore it’s something you’re quite happy to pass on because not only is it no use to you it’s actively costing you money to keep it.

          3. EddieSherbert*

            Oh gosh, now I’m concerned…. my office is doing a White Elephant exchange next week and I’m no longer certain if I should do funny or legit…..!

            Ahh! Oh well, I think I have the office environment where either would be acceptable (and based on the coworkers organizing it… I would guess they were aiming for funny).

          4. bluesboy*

            If I remember correctly, white elephants were sacred, so if you had one you had to spend the money to maintain it (not cheap!) But you couldn’t actually use it to work. Making it useless AND expensive.

            The King would give one to people that he felt ostensibly he had to honour or show respect to…but really wanted to annoy. So yes, as you say, very much a gift you don’t want!

      2. MsMaryMary*

        My experience has been that a yankee swap is any gift exchange where people can trade, swap, or “steal” gifts. There are many variations on who gets to swap, when, and how. A white elephant gift exchange are joke gifts, generally useless gifts. You can combined the two and swap uesless gifts.

        My mom’s coworkers used to have a white elephant gift exchange where you couldn’t buy the gift, it had to be something goofy you already owned. Everyone enjoyed regifting something from their household, and occasionally someone was really delighted to receive a hot pink tea cozy or something.

        1. Emma*

          Yeah, and if you know it’s going to be goofy from the get-go, it can be pretty lighthearted and fun. (As long as people stay away from offensive stuff or literal trash, unless that’s explicitly allowed by the rules.) I don’t get the people who don’t want to clarify rules beforehand – I understand it doesn’t occur to people sometimes that others may not know the house rules, but I’ve met a few (largely at my childhood church) who seemed downright offended at the idea of clarifying beyond “there will be a gift swap.” I guess they thought it’d ruin the fun?

          I think it’s more fun all ’round if everyone is on the same page, expectation-wise, personally.

          1. Miss Elaine E*

            I’ve had bad luck at Secret Santa/Yankee Swap events.

            Secret Santa for college newspaper staff got me some Oil of Olay. (Gee thanks!?)

            Yankee Swap at a new social group in my new hometown with something like a $5 limit (late 1990s) so I brought one of those little bags of lotions/bath soaps. Recipient kept going on about how awful it was. Way to feel welcome, ya know?

            Yankee swap at a December women’s retreat, not knowing what to bring, I brought some gift bags of chocolate truffles. This was one of those Yankee swaps where people could end up with multiple items — and yes, others ended up with nothing. Not only did I end up with nothing, but someone left my chocolate truffles on the unclaimed table after all was said and done.

            I’ve learned my lesson….

            1. Emma*

              Those are some horrible rules, esp. the one where some people got nothing.

              For Secret Santa-type stuff, I vastly prefer the way my mother’s workplace does it: there’s a strict dollar limit, and about a week before the exchange, everyone lists three cheap items under that limit that they’d be happy to get, and it’s made really clear that the only acceptable reasons for getting stuff not on the list is that it’s either more expensive than thought* or you can’t find it. People who blow the limit or go off-list get pulled aside later and gently spoken to about the reasons for those rules. It’s not perfect, but that always seemed like a decent way to handle things.

              *Comes up a lot with books, actually. A fair few times someone’ll list a book under $10 – but it’s only under $10 used from Amazon, and is over the limit if you include shipping or get it at a local bookstore.

            2. SebbyGrrl*

              Same here,

              For my family one year I got something I love (colored glass vases) and was sure no one in my family would want. Of course it was the ost popular thing and I wasn’t able to steal or keep ’em. But at least had the self satisfaction of having brought the most coveted thing.

              Oh lord, w my husbands’ family I have tried mightily to stop the exchanges because we get something thoughful that everyone will like and we get calendars with themes that have nothing to do with ANYTHING we like or do and 2 tears (ha, keeping that typo) ago an angel snow globe (very specifically religious – we aren’t and this throw that we re-gifted to our neighbor who was gay, he said he was lord of the blanket in his group.

              At work exchanges, same thing, give a starbucks gift certif, knowing the whole office does starbucks and getting a very crappy mug. Just stop!

            1. KJ*

              Yes, this. Last year at our office gift exchange, I brought two adults coloring books that were highly desirable to my office mates (I know my team well!) I got stuck with a box of bad chocolates (the cheap, too-sweet kind). Another co-worker had it worse and got stuck with a used set of cards game. Both the bad gifts were brought by the same “office couple” who are not very nice to the rest of us.

          3. Turtle Candle*

            Years and years ago there was a ‘goofy but not actual trash or offensive’ white elephant swap at a workplace of mine, and I brought a big bottle of Barney the Purple Dinosaur bubble bath. It brought down the house. It was goofy and silly and weird, and cheap enough to be well within the rules (without being outright trash)…. and some of the parents at my workplace sheepishly kept trading for it, because their kids would like it.

            It can be a lot of fun when done with the right people in the right mood and, yes, as you say, when everyone knows up front what the game is.

      3. burningupasun*

        It’s a regional thing. I’ve heard it called Yankee Swap around here (New England) but my gf in Texas calls it “White Elephant”. At my job they call it “Chinese Grab Bag” which I find offensive but the woman who runs it every year says “I’m half Chinese and it doesn’t bother me” so it’s been deemed okay? Idefk.

          1. Chinook*

            Around here it is called a Chinese Auction as well and I recognize it as being horribly offensive but, when I call it a Yankee Swap, I get blank looks until I say that that is the non-offensive name of a Chinese Auction, at which point I get nodding heads of understanding. I can’t wait for a better name to start sticking to this tradition.

        2. Jillian*

          Wow. That’s super offensive. Kind of like the term ‘indian giver’. I’m in Texas and we call it a White Elephant. Does anyone know the reason for calling it a Yankee swap? My mother is originally from New York, but I’ve never heard her use that term if it is a northern term.

          1. Anion*

            I assume it’s because Yankees were traditionally thrifty. “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without,” as the saying went.

          2. Chinook*

            See, but as others pointed out, a White Elephant exchange is different from a Yankee Swap as one implies regifting or used items while the other implies new items.

    8. Anonymous 40*

      This reminds me of a weird Dirty Santa incident from a few years ago where the rules kept screwing me but ended up getting me the best gift in the game. I hesitate to tell this story because it’s so specific that anyone who was there would recognize it immediately, but it was a small office so hopefully nobody will come across this.

      I was the new guy in a 20-ish person office . In every other job I’ve been “the Star Wars guy” in the office but someone who’d been there longer already had that unofficial title in this place.

      The Christmas party came around a few months after I started and I got to pick first. Half the staff were lawyers, so the rules were clear and iron clad: Open or steal when it’s your turn, two-steal limit per item, and the person stolen from gets a new turn. I opened something – I forget what, but something fairly cool – and it was promptly stolen. Opened something else and it’s stolen too. It was a good group of people but they were vicious and shameless with the stealing. I opened six or seven different things that were immediately stolen, which became the big running joke of the party but got a little old to me after a while.

      Then someone else opened the best thing there: a really cool Star Wars lunchbox very similar to one I’d had as a kid. I knew right away it was specifically intended for the other Star Wars fan in the office, even though it was in the Dirty Santa exchange. Sure enough, the intended person stole it as soon as their turn came around. Meanwhile I was stuck with something incredibly lame despite having opened most of the good gifts there.

      But then someone either wanted the lame thing I had or took pity on me and stole it. Seeing my chance, I stole the lunchbox. The person who brought it was clearly not happy and immediately tried to finagle the rules to get another turn so he could steal it back. Nope! My steal was the second, so it couldn’t be stolen again. The lunchbox was mine and I was finally out of the game.

      Both the person who brought it and the person I stole it from were clearly unhappy about the outcome. I felt a tiny bit bad about it, but seriously? If you want to give someone a gift, give it to THEM. You chose to be cute and risk putting it in Dirty Santa instead.

      Also, dude, you got out-lawyered on the rules by the IT guy.

      3. Turtle Candle*

        This story is a delight and I am so glad to have had a chance to read it.

        If I were you, I would look at that Star Wars lunchbox every day and cackle. Cackle in my Yoda voice.

    9. Jess*

      My office once did a Yankee Swap and when it was my turn and I told a coworker I wanted to swap with her she gasped and freaked out and then didn’t speak to me for literally two months after. She must have really loved that $5 plain white candy dish. I still have it twelve and will never ever get rid of it after the bratty silent treatment I endured over it.

      2. Emma*

        Honestly, I’d feel pretty bad if I had something I liked and it got stolen by someone else. I can’t even say I’d react particularly well, either – I have some serious anxiety issues around property. (Let’s just say I’ve been the idiot coworker who has had a crying jag over someone taking a pen off her desk, and leave it at that.)

        But I know that about myself, and as a consequence I’ll only ever participate in the kind of exchanges that are supposed to be ridiculous – or not even that if I’m having a bad day. And so I do definitely think your coworker was way over the line.

        But that kind of reaction is why if I had my way I’d probably not arrange a Yankee Swap in the first place. It just seems to invite all the drama. I mean, just in this thread we’ve talked about how many ways they go wrong, just by having different, entirely legit, rule sets?

  23. Amber Rose*

    Our office party was last weekend. My boss usually springs for an open bar. Also he can’t hold his liquor.

    Are you ready to cringe?

    So he hires this company to host the party that sorts us into teams based on tables and we play Name That Tune, with assorted bonus games for bonus points. It’s crazy competitive, because that’s the kind of people I work with. Well we’re halfway through the night, my boss is three sheets to the wind and somehow ended up sitting next to me, when the host says he needs two people from each team up front. I end up being pulled up by my boss.

    The game is this: one person is the “piano” and one person is the “piano player” with points for best combination. My boss is too drunk to understand properly how this works, so he faces away from me and starts shaking his ass in my direction. Something halfway between a tow touch and a twerk. I am too horrified to do anything at this point. After an agonizing minute or so, he decides to cheat by crashing into the other “pianos” and knocking them over. I quietly went back to the bar in the confusion and started ordering doubles.

    Later in the night he and some others were doing stripper dances with chairs to Pony by Ginuwine. Around this point I realized that, because I CAN hold my liquor, I was going to remember everything on Monday, and we got a ride home. Husband has a very odd impression of my workplace now.

      1. Amber Rose*

        Technically, one person was supposed to be on all fours as a piano and the other was supposed to pretend to play piano on them along to the song. Like, on their backs I guess. But I was facing my boss’s butt…

      1. Amber Rose*

        Parts of it were fun. I also won a $100 gift card to a grocery store near my house, which is pretty sweet.

    3. Spoonie*

      Oh em gee. I don’t get what the piano/piano player thing is. But that party sounds like a certifiable train wreck. Kudos to you for holding your liquor.

        1. Anonicat*

          I’m trying to imagine my boss, a serious Austrian the same age as my dad, hammered and trying to shake his thang.

          Does. Not. Compute.

          1. Marillenbaum*

            If it helps, I now have the image my elderly Austrian economics professor doing the same thing.

      1. Amber Rose*

        Nope, just an older guy, grey hair, slightly shorter than me (and i’m pretty short). His daughter isn’t that much younger than me.

    6. CS Rep By Day, Writer By Night*

      “Later in the night he and some others were doing stripper dances with chairs to Pony by Ginuwine.”

      I just started laughing hysterically at my desk and now everyone in my quad wants to know why.

      1. Amber Rose*

        Oh sure, laugh at my discomfort. ;)

        Bonus giggles: the song immediately after was I Want to F**k You Like an Animal. I didn’t stay to watch the dancing but as I walked past the bartender, I noticed she was a brilliant shade of red.

        1. Golden Lioness*

          OMG and I thought I worked for the most out of control place (my first job in the US AKA “the job from hell” or “the hellhole”

    7. Marillenbaum*

      Oh dear God. That sounds horrifying. Also, unless you’re Channing Tatum or any other member of the cast of Magic Mike, you don’t need to be doing a stripper routine to Pony by Ginuwine. (If you are Channing Tatum, though–call me!)

    8. ED*

      Not an office Christmas party but I was at an offsite, week long conference with a bunch of people from work. It was pretty standard for everyone to go out drinking afterwards. Our assistant director/my boss doesn’t drink much but he ended up getting HAMMERED (younger staff kept buying drinks, highly amused at the fact they were getting him drunk). I was 24 or 25 years old at the time and ended up cutting him off for the night and then escorting him back to his hotel to make sure he got there safely and coached him on his way back to drink LOTS of water and what to eat the next morning to help his hangover. No one saw him until late the next afternoon. Honestly nothing stranger for me than being a few years out of college and cutting off my 40 year old boss from alcohol.

      1. Cath in Canada*

        This reminded me of the time when a new lab member – she’d been there 3 weeks – had to help me deal with our extremely drunk supervisor at the Christmas party (this was in Glasgow, everyone was pretty drunk). We cut him off, marched him to a phone box, and made him call his wife to come and get him :D

        This guy was my first and best boss. I learned SO MUCH from him and we’re still in touch now, 15 years later. But he was one of those people who can have one beer, two beers, or like twelve beers. Nothing in between. If he stopped after one or two he was fine, but the second he took his first sip of his third beer, you knew it was going to get messy. This only happened about once a year though.

  24. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

    Not as bad as some stories, and I think there are good intentions, but it’s kinda bad.

    My org is doing a potluck. It’s not mandatory to bring things, but there’s some pressure.

    I do contract attorney work (document review). This org pays better than some others, but it’s still just $2 over the “living wage per hour” needed in my metropolitan area.

    Some people work here part of the time while hanging out their own shingle, some do it part time to supplement retirement, but a lot of people grasp at this as the only source of income in a tight legal market. And one still has to pay for dues and CLEs. So there’s a real possibility that people may not be able to afford to share food with others.

    I was going to make a nice dish (crockpot tacos), but I can do that because my family is dual income no kids, and I get good, affordable health insurance through my spouse (thanks, Supreme Court, for forcing spousal recognition!), I received my car for free from my parents after they downsized to move, and my wife is good at bargain shopping.

    Meanwhile, my coworker is eating a bag of 99 cent off brand Cheetos for lunch, and saving some for later. I can’t share my lunches, but I bought a bunch of clearanced K cups for the office machine and let him take as much coffee as he likes.

    1. Turtlewings*

      Oh, my heart. Why can’t bosses understand that some people — maybe even most people — don’t have the disposable income for these things? It’s not like they don’t know how much they’re paying their employees.

      1. Gabriela*

        Yeah, my office does a pretty low-key party, but between the potluck, yankee swap, and ugly sweater competition, it really adds up at a time when our wallets are already stretched thin.

        1. Not the Droid You Are Looking For*

          I love, love, love to cook and bake, but somewhere along the line in finally clicked on how much I spend to bring homemade stuff to every treat day and potluck.

            2. Turtle Candle*

              I have an unreasonable love for deviled eggs and am usually too lazy to make them, so I just want to say that if you were at my org, you would be my favorite person.

            3. JKP*

              I was appalled when I discovered that my bf had never heard of, nor tasted deviled eggs before, not in 50+ years on this earth. I make them all the time now.

            4. Artemesia*

              If you make them yourself they are probably the tastiest thing there. Last year I bought deviled eggs for a similar event and they were just ghastly. They tasted like cold rubber; no egg/curry or whatever taste at all. Just the cold odd texture and no flavor. Never again. I had no idea you could make tasteless deviled eggs.

        2. Aurion*

          My boss once suggested a cheap secret Santa, but I nixed that idea even though she offered to reimburse us (so we’d really only be putting out the effort, but the monetary cost would be from her). That’s a better secret Santa setup than most I’ve seen, but I really didn’t want to stress out about more presents, gag ones or not.

          I may be boring, but there are upsides to being boring.

          1. Anonhippopotamus*

            This year we did 2 secret santas. One was a $15 gift, although everybody in our team can afford it.

            The second one was a bit more original. Everyone had to bring the most hilarious gift possible for under $4. We then voted on which gift was the most hilarious and that person got a prize from the boss. Some of the gifts were very creative.

    3. Dorothy Lawyer*

      You have my complete sympathy. I did this for around 3 years full-time (while working part-time elsewhere). It’s soul-killing work, but it’s tolerable if you have good co-workers. Thank you for being a good co-worker (crockpot tacos and k-cups). I hope those of you who want to move on are able to do so soon.

    4. Manders*

      If it weren’t for a few details, I’d think that you worked in my office. Some people just don’t understand that their coworkers might make the same wage, but that doesn’t mean they’re in exactly the same spot financially. And some people are veeeeeeery into pressuring others into participating in every potluck/gift exchanged/whatever.

      You sound awesome, I bet your coworker appreciated those K cups. What kind of office buys a coffee machine but no coffee?

  25. anon for this*

    My office’s holiday party is going to start at an escape room. We spend the first hour solving the escape room puzzles, and then we’ll go have drinks and food.
    Some people are refusing to participate in the escape room. Apparently some people think there’s a legitimate threat that they might not escape. Our planning team has tried to explain that it’s really just a puzzle room, and you can be let out at any time, but it’s not convincing these people.
    Now, I respect that some people might legitimately have PTSD or for some other reason don’t like to be in small spaces, and I totally get that. But I think that for some of these people, it’s like, “But what if they never let me ooouuut?”

    1. AdAgencyChick*

      Do they not understand that the people who run these things do not WANT you in there indefinitely? They need to turn around the room for the next customer!

    3. chocolate lover*

      I think the question about being let out could relate to some of the reasons you already acknowledged, but people don’t want to discuss the reasons with coworkers. Anxiety, PTSD, etc. I wouldn’t want to explain that to my coworkers as a group.

        1. many bells down*

          We did a “Space Camp” at our family reunion. It was basically a 5-hour Star Trek LARP. My mother-in-law lasted 20 minutes because the whole thing made her way too anxious and we’re not even “locked” in the room. So I can see “Escape Room” being waaaaay anxiety-provoking.

      2. Jessesgirl72*

        I would love to do an Escape Room, with my husband or certain friends, but I do sometimes have some claustrophobia issues, and would outright refuse to participate at an office party, as well.

        1. SophieChotek*

          I agree. I think those puzzles or murder mysteries could be fun with the (right) group of friends, but I am not sure I would want to do so with my co-workers.

        3. CS Rep By Day, Writer By Night*

          Same here – I’d be cool with friends who know about and even appreciate my weird intensity in fictionalized situations, but I’m not sure my coworkers would understand when I started screaming I CAN’T SOLVE THE PUZZLE SO WE’RE ALL DOING TO DIE OH GOD PLEASE FORGIVE ME I KNOW NOT WHAT I DO

        4. PlainJane*

          Right there with you. I got teased (good-naturedly) yesterday because I cringed at the idea of an escape room. Part of it was my own ignorance, not realizing it didn’t have to be in a small space (I’m majorly claustrophobic), but even if that isn’t an issue, it doesn’t sound like my thing.

          1. catsAreCool*

            Something about the escape room makes me nervous, and I’m not claustrophobic. I wouldn’t want to do this.

      3. Mononymous*

        I would never do one of these things, and it’s icky to explain why. I don’t want to go to my boss and talk about how with my Crohns I can’t guarantee I won’t have a sudden and urgent need for the bathroom during any given hour, and I REALLY don’t want to just take that chance, hope for the best, and then have to figure out how to get out OMG NOW while in a lot of pain if the odds do not happen to be in my favor that day.

        1. Not the Droid You Are Looking For*

          If it helps ease fears (should you ever want to do one), the exit door is just a push to open door.

          The second time we did one a coworker was leaning against the door frame and must have pushed it a little because the game master immediately came over the walkie talkie and asked if she was exiting since the door had opened.

        2. Kit*

          In escape rooms there is always an intercom where you can talk to the staff (you usually get a certain number of hints that you can use when you need them), and the door you came in through is never locked. The escape comes from the story (like you’re a group of soldiers who stumbled on a conspiracy and must now escape an abandoned military base). The puzzle is actually to get deeper in, not to get back out to the real world.

          I totally get why people would not want to play, but I would say most people’s concerns come from misapprehensions. These are entertainment companies who really don’t want anyone to panic or have a bathroom accident! They want you to have fun!

          1. Newton Geizler*

            This is true for both of the Escape the Room type places I’ve been to. We were allowed to leave to go to the restroom if we needed to, and like Kit said the entry door either wasn’t locked or you could intercom the staff to let you out.

    4. Me2*

      We just did an Escape Room the day after Thanksgiving (no Black Friday shopping for us), it was super fun and believe me, they get you out of there in the time allotted.

    5. Karanda Baywood*

      That’s a big ol’ can of NOPE for me. I understand it intellectually, but I cannot be trapped in a space even if it’s a “game.” Full stop, NO.

        1. PTSD anon*

          Me too. It reminds me of the letter where the OP had locked someone outside as a “prank,” and the victim panicked and punched him.

          I might enjoy an escape room 1) with friends 2) if it were easy to call it off and leave if I wanted to. With coworkers, no way.

          I had an abusive ex who at various times locked me out of the apartment with no keys as punishment, or physically blocked me from leaving during an argument. So that’s what I think of when I see “pranks” that involve confining someone to any space for any length of time, even a few seconds.

          Someone below commented on this as a “team building” exercise–I think then it would be even worse, because there’s pressure to “be a team player” and ignore your own instincts/fears/well-being.

          I’d be fine with this being offered as a truly optional activity so long as the setup was clear to everyone before they chose to participate, and there were other things non-participants could do in that time.

          1. Emma*

            I’d be fine with this being offered as a truly optional activity so long as the setup was clear to everyone before they chose to participate, and there were other things non-participants could do in that time.

            This is more or less how I feel about almost every activity mentioned in this comment section, really.

      2. Lily in NYC*

        They are usually just regular rooms. If you can be in a bedroom with the door shut, you could handle this type of game (unless it’s different than the one we did). Ours wasn’t even locked – it was just the idea of it more than the actuality of being trapped.

      3. Alton*

        I think different escape rooms can be quite different in terms of how easy they are to leave or how good they are at maintaining the illusion of being trapped. The one I went to was literally just a regular but somewhat dark room with an obvious unlocked door that we were just supposed to pretend wasn’t there (kind of anticlimactic, honestly, especially since an attendant came in several times to give us hints). I can definitely see why someone would be hesitant to take the chance, though, and I think this is something that would be good to ask the escape room company about if you were interested but unsure.

    6. vacc*

      I mean, my anxiety leads to me to worst-first thinking, so that is the sort of thing where I would immediately think, “But what if they lose the key and I’m stuck in there even longer while they try to find a locksmith or a fireman to bust the door down?”

      1. Viktoria*

        In the escape room I went to, it’s not even locked. :) You are allowed to leave at any time and you don’t need to wait for anyone to let you out. You can go to the bathroom and stuff.

        1. Turtle Candle*

          When I did an escape room last year, the guy who ran it was completely up front about that. “Theoretically you’re locked in permanently. Practically, the fire marshall would destroy us if that was the case. If something goes wrong or you panic or you just need out for some reason, the door pushes right open when you press the catch.”

          Had I thought about it for very long I would have realized that of course the fire department isn’t going to okay a business that literally locks people in and requires a manual opening mechanism, but I appreciated his spelling it out for us.

      2. Mandi*

        I’ve done several escape rooms. There’s really almost never one entrance in and out — generally, you enter through one door and the exit is at another door (in a separate — sometimes even third or forth — room!). That main entrance door never really locks; you can come and go as you please, if you find that you are feeling a bit anxious. :)

        1. Turtle Candle*

          Yep–one of my friends was very, very pregnant when I did my escape room, and she had concerns about potentially needing a bathroom without much notice. The guy running the escape room said no problem–she could just nip out the main entrance door to the bathroom and nip back in. (It didn’t even affect our score, since the escape room in question permitted using your cell phone and any other resources you might have brought, so leaving the room for five minutes wasn’t going to net you anything you wouldn’t already have.)

    7. Episkey*

      My mom would be one of those people. She freaks out at being enclosed in small spaces and feeling like she can’t get out. One time she had a panic attack at Universal Studios at the beginning of one of those simulator rides because it’s basically a small room with a screen and you get locked in your seat by the safety bar.

      They had to stop the beginning of the ride and unlock all the safety bars so she could leave. I felt bad but was a preteen at the time so I was mainly super embarrassed.

        1. Episkey*

          My mom would agree with you. ;)

          It was actually a really fun ride from what I remember (Back to the Future I think).

      2. Papyrus*

        My parents, my sister, and I were at a museum that had one of those little rides at the end. It didn’t move that much, maybe just rocked back and forth a little, but my sis gets super motion-sick, and my parents explained that to the museum staff. They said if she feels like she’s going to get sick, then to wave their arms and they would stop the ride. Sure enough, 30 seconds in, they had to stop the ride.

        It took them about 5 minutes to reset, but in that time, about 10 people (almost half the group) also decided they didn’t want to do the ride and filed out with them. I stayed and enjoyed it, but yeah, it’s definitely not for everyone!

    8. hiptobesquare*

      Escape rooms are awesome! I have done two of them – Very fun. Actually legit good teambuilding/eye opening re: skills of others.

      1. chocoholic*

        We did an escape room outing last summer with my office and it was actually pretty fun. We were numbered off into teams and so no teams were made ahead of time. Went out for drinks/appetizers after it was over. All the feedback I had was that it was fun. We did not force anyone to participate though. Everyone was invited, but there was no requirement to join in.

    9. TheCupcakeCounter*

      I did this earlier this year – 100% optional and it was a blast! The non-management group (including me) got out and all the managers/supervisors who were on a team together still had an estimated 10-15 minutes left until they escapes. I immediately downloaded an escape the room game onto my phone and can’t wait to go back.

    10. Beancounter in Texas*

      My boss LOVES puzzle rooms. She told me that in Texas, to lock the door to an escape room is considered kidnapping, so the door is closed, but not locked. Haven’t verified whether locking the door makes it kidnapping in the legal sense, but it’s nice to know that the door is not locked here.

      1. Me2*

        We were told by signing the waiver it wasn’t kidnapping. Room was indeed locked but attendant was in room with us.

    11. beachlover*

      Big No for me. Not because I have claustrophobia or any anxiety issue. call me a humbug, but I do not like this kind of stuff. I would just sit and wait until they let me out.

    12. LSP*

      I was literally just talking about this with some coworkers. I have done three separate escape the rooms, and have had fun each time. Your coworkers sound a little unhinged if they think the staff at these places have any interest in not letting them out ever. Groups have an hour to complete the puzzles, and there will probably be a group waiting to go after you, so the staff needs to get you out of there.

      I’ve never been much of one for “team building” stuff, but because these involve clear communication, problem solving and overall teamwork, I think it’s a great work-type activity.

    13. I think this is my office LOL*

      I’d bet money this is my office. Like would seriously bet money this is my office. I gotta know!!! If nothing else, to laugh with this person and agree with you (because if this is my office, I know who you’re talking about).
      If this is my office, you should tell me – I’m the “planning team”. :)

    14. RS*

      Hard no on this. Some things that trigger my anxiety: being stuck somewhere with people I am not comfortable with, needing to work on puzzle-type tasks with people I am not comfortable with, publicly removing myself from situations because of my anxiety, the thought of having panic attacks at work/in work-related situations, the thought of having to explain my anxiety to anyone, ever, at all, especially coworkers, especially DURING an anxiety episode. I fully understand escape rooms. I fully understand that it is not a situation it is healthy for me to be in.

      2. Anxious Enough*

        A thousand times this.

        My boss keeps wanting me to organize a group escape room outing, because I organize outings of other kinds for fun for my coworkers, and I keep trying to explain that if he wants the escape room trip, he gets to organize it because the idea of it wigs me out.

        I might not end up a weeping puddle in a corner for no logical reason and seriously destroy my teams faith in my judgement and ability to function… but how about I judge that I don’t want to risk it?

    15. Liane*

      Never heard of this before, and I would be saying, “Hey, do they have a video feed so me and anyone else who wants to sit it out can watch the fun? Then ALL of us can have a good laugh afterwards over drinks/sodas/milkshakes.”
      I suck at Escape Puzzles when I am playing a role playing game session sitting at a table or on Skype, so those things just frustrate me. Why would I want to do a live-action one then?

    17. H.C.*

      Oh I love Escape Rooms but not sure I want to do them with my co-workers either; given the mix of hyper-competitive folks & clueless deadweights (at least in an Escape Room setting) in my team.

    18. Pickles*

      Ugh – my office has politics close to Game of Thrones levels. No one’s died yet, but as an example of the backstabbing, there was once a fake DUI accusation (I have proof it’s fake). I’m almost certain some of them would find it funny to pretend they were panicking, intentionally throw things awry/go down the wrong path, leave someone behind…

    19. denise*

      My department literally just did this. Escape room then dinner and drinks. I wasnt interested but went to be a team player. It wasnt very much fun at all-i noticed about half the team just standing around waiting for the time to be up. O think the people planning these events (both young women just a couple years out of school) mostly try to plan what they think would be fun rather than what a wide range of ages would be interested in. At least this party planning committee changes every year.

      1. Rusty Shackelford*

        In their defense, I’m an old person and I think an escape room sounds like fun, so I wouldn’t say they only picked things that young people would be interested in.

  26. SlickWilly*

    We got a round of layoffs just before Thanksgiving, decimating our office. Holiday spirits are in the crapper and parties are canceled. Happy Holidays to us!

    3. Jillian*

      I worked for a place that did a big layoff right around the same time of a big catered Xmas party for the office. Really crappy.

    4. WellRed*

      We laid off an employee on Monday before Thanksgiving. On Tuesday (she stayed an extra day to wrap things up) she was included on the company email reminding everyone to RSVP for the Christmas party.

    5. No Name*

      My coworker’s husband was recently told they were laying off everyone at their particular location on January 13th. Ok they’re about to have their second kid and that sucks, but she’s working and they have family in town and they’ll be ok.
      However the guy from corporate that came to make the announcement started with “Well I hope you didn’t spend too much on Christmas”. I honestly don’t know how the warehouse guys managed to keep their calm and NOT punch him. I might have!

  27. Mockingjay*

    Our office holiday party was last weekend, in a swank downtown hotel ballroom. Cocktail dress per the invitation. I wore a sequined sheath dress, knee length with cap sleeves and a draped back. Very conservative look in the front; the back exposed my neck and a little bit of my upper back – nothing outrageous and within the norms of what my coworkers were wearing. I have short hair, so the opening was apparent. (I wore this same dress to my husband’s office party as well.)

    The CEO greeted me and expressed his wife’s compliments on my dress. I met her later on the dance floor, when I was line dancing with my coworkers. She had was having a very good time (loads of cocktails!). She threw her arms around me, told me how much she loved my dress, then proceeded to stroke my back and neck and tell me how soft my skin was.

    After a few more hugs, strokes, and some dancing (I twirled her, what the hell, she loved it and it removed her hands), the CEO gently disengaged her and pulled her into a slow dance.

    4. Nolan*

      It’s a good thing I work from home, I could not mask the look of “train wreck” on my face reading this one

  28. i2c2*

    After having two prizes she liked stolen from her in our office game of “Dirty Santa,” a coworker happened upon my gift, a piece of novelty soap shaped like a slice of cake. (Not the world’s most inspired gift, but certainly within the bounds of office gift-giving.)

    Coworker spent the rest of the lunch muttering things like “I don’t want this!” and “what are we going to do about my situation?”

    The worst part was she had gone straight past the label that explained what the soap was, so I had to out myself as the gift giver to explain why there was a piece of “cake” in the office gift exchange.

        2. Anion*

          It’s the next morning, and I’m still giggling at “What are we going to do about my situation?”

      2. Future Analyst*

        Hilarious! Growing up, someone’s “situation” was code for unplanned pregnancy, which makes this even funnier.

      3. Ayla K*

        I’m almost crying at this quote and I fully intend on pulling it out at our own office’s White Elephant party tomorrow, which I have a habit of taking far too seriously.

      5. Spoonie*

        I made the unfortunate decision to take a drink of water right before reading your comment.

        It is ill advised to try to swallow and laugh simultaneously.

      6. Sarah G*

        I don’t know if this will be as funny in writing as it was when told to me, but I’ll never forget a boyfriend telling me about a time he was at a donut shop, and the guy in front of him in line pointed at the chocolate eclairs in the glass case and said to the staff person taking his order, “I’ll have a couple of those situations right there.”
        I thought this was one of the most hilarious uses of language I’d ever heard.

          1. CM*

            Eclairs – LOL! = Situations
            Situations = Unplanned pregnancies
            Unplanned pregnancies = Eclairs – LOL!
            QED.

    3. Lucyfer*

      DH was part of a corporation where they had a “Dirty Santa” party with about 50 people. The rules by the corporation were that you could do a serious gift or a gag gift, but you had to spend X. Some of the participants were C level officers, some where cleaning staff. The price point was set so that the cleaning staff could afford to chip in, having fun, seeing who ended up with what. The price point was also low enough that no one’s feelings should have been hurt.

      A gift could be “stolen” 3 times. If you were the 3rd person, you got to bow out and keep the gift.

      One year, DH asked me to go buy a gag gift. I found a Christmas tree that made Charlie Brown’s look elegant. The point was to be fun and funny. It was NOT malicious.

      There was a small group of women in the office who were white, middle-aged, and well-off. They worked as admins “for extra shopping money.” They treated the cleaning staff (mostly POCs) horribly. Were only “nice” to the higher ups, including my husband. You get the picture.

      These ladies took the whole Dirty Santa thing very seriously. Complained endlessly if they did not get the “gift I deserve.” Totally did not understand the spirit of the exercise.

      Guess who ended up with my tree? The worst of the cabal.

      She bawled and groused for days – particularly to my husband. Finally, the top-man in the office had to take her aside and tell her to knock it off because it was only making her look bad. She continued until he personally gave her a gift card for TWICE the value of the Dirty Santa limit.

      The kicker? The gift she had put in was a pair of USED ladies’ socks that she thought were “ugly.”

        1. Lucyfer*

          She was eventually let go in a layoff. I suspect her behavior towards her “underlings” and her behavior at the party might have had something to do with it.

          So there was some justice!

    6. Anion*

      So, I’m a writer, and my writer-y mind is imagining that, far beyond her “situation” being a gift she doesn’t find appealing (which is hilarious in itself), perhaps she was counting on getting a pile of gold or something. Or maybe she’s a smuggler of some sort, and that job is her cover, and she was supposed to get the shipment in her Xmas gift exchange and is now terrified of what will happen when she has to go to make the deal without the product.

      Did anyone get an oddly heavy, unattractive china statue in the gift exchange?

      :-)

  29. DCGirl*

    At my Old Job, my manager decided to give us all presents at Christmas for the first time ever after seeing other managers in our division give their employees small gifts (think gingerbread mix with a gingerbread man cookie cooker or a small cheese/sausage basket). Our gift was a small unbranded cellophane baggie with nine thumbtacks (three each of chartreuse green, bright orange, and fluorescent purple). Huh? Those thumbtacks were the only think I left on my bulletin board when I departed.

    Another year, she decided to take us all out for a holiday lunch at a nice restaurant. After we got there, she told us that the total amount anyone could order was $10 including tax and tip. We all had a sandwich and a glass of [free] ice water.

      1. Grits McGee*

        No lie, I wouldn’t be mad if I got a cookie cooker for Christmas- like a little Easy Bake Oven with a light bulb, just cranking out little gingerbread men, one cookie at a time…

      2. DCGirl*

        Yeah, we were seriously underwhelmed. If there’d been enough to spell out FU on my bulletin board when I left, I would have.

    3. Lily in NYC*

      I had a boss who gave me a package of ear plugs for Xmas! There was no reason except she was ridiculously cheap (and a millionaire, of course). She also took the division out for lunch but didn’t invite me (her EA) or the two other admins.

      1. CMart*

        I used to work at an upscale restaurant that people would frequently book department luncheon type things at. It always made me so sad when an admin would show up early to confirm the reservation, set things up on the tables (decorations, name cards, flower bouquet, whatever was appropriate for the occasion) and then… leave. Only once did the admin get to order some food to go and put it on the business luncheon’s tab.

      1. SebbyGrrl*

        Were the colored parts kind of oversized?

        Those were from staples, $2.50 for 10, they were in my favorite colors, I bought a bunch, plus matching paper clips and binder clips ;)

    3. Little Missy*

      That happened to me a few years ago. the person who drew my name had ordered a pink metal watering can (he knew I love the color pink and that I have potted plants from Earth Day to first killing frost), and it didn’t arrive on our exchange day. But it was a beautiful can and I still use it to this day. It has a removable “sprinkle spout” so I can pour water on plants that are really parched, or use the sprinkle spout to freshen up blooms.

    5. Liz in a Library*

      I was sort of that coworker my first year in the working world. I kept getting left off the e-mails about our secret Santa. There were three gifts: the first two on the first two Mondays of December and the third (I assumed) on the following Monday. Nope, it was apparently the Friday before, which I found out about when a coworker called me to come to the tree for the exchange.

      My secret Santa giftee got a printed Netflix gift certificate (Netflix was new that year, so at least I came up with something cool!) in a ratty interoffice envelope. It was the best I could do on short notice, but damn was I embarrassed.

    6. SMT*

      The first year of Secret Santa at OldJob, I didn’t get anything from the person who drew my name. My manager who was in charge of it let me know who had drawn my name and that she spoke to him about making sure he brought something for me, since I had given a gift to the person I had drawn (and he had gotten a gift from the person who drew his name). It was a $10-15 gift exchange, and the next day he brought in a package of chocolate chip cookies from a grocery store with the price tag still on (I think it was under $5).

      Last year at OldJob, one of my managers drew my name, and let me know before the party that he was heading out to buy something for the exchange, because he hadn’t gotten around to it yet.

      1. Katy Kat*

        Ugh mandatory gift exchange issues. Its so hard to know other’s financial situations. Some people are just cheap but you gotta wonder about the kids who had to do without because their parents were forced to give a gift to another adult (there is a movement to largely forgo giving gifts to adults because studies show it just isn’t worth it the vast majority of the time)

    7. Sadsack*

      My SO’s department had a secret Santa exchange a few years ago. Every one in the department put their names in a hat. The person handling the name exchanges was known to not be too bright. On the day of the gift exchange, one person hadn’t received a gift. When she went to the person who had handled the name exchange, the person told her that since there was an odd number of names in the hat, she took one out to make it even so everyone would get a gift.

      Just let that sink in a moment. I don’t think she ever understood what she did wrong.

    8. Rusty Shackelford*

      Yeah, that’s one reason I stopped doing Secret Santa. Ours went on for a week, a gift per day, and I didn’t get anything until the 4th day. Except she’d been sick, and so she wasn’t in the office to even give me an IOU, and then felt horribly guilty when she got back, and I was like, this isn’t fun for you OR me, so why are we doing it?

    9. Paige Turner*

      Aww yeah, that happened to me once. I worked in a coffee shop, and the person whose name I drew moved away between when we drew names and when we did the exchange. I can’t remember what I ended up doing with the gift that I got for him; the person who drew me eventually got me a gift card, no hard feelings.

    10. Ismis*

      At least you got an IOU? I used to organise gift exchanges for a few years and always had some back up gift baskets. Out of 70 people, it wasn’t unusual to have about three giftless people. One year someone got an IOU, and they got two presents! The rest of the time, I think the gifters were embarrassed they forgot and just said nothing.

  31. J*

    In my first job out of college, I worked in the administrative offices of a hospital. Every year, the administrative staff (about 15 people) had a little party in a conference room with a secret santa and potluck meal.

    The last Christmas I was there, the Executive Director decided to switch things up. Instead of the conference room party, she took all of her direct reports out to long lunch at a very nice restaurant.

    There were 3 of us in the admin suite who did not report directly to her (our bosses were her direct reports), and so were not invited. So everyone in the suite, and everyone who normally had a holiday celebration together, was taken out to lunch, except for the 3 of us who were left behind.

    She did later distribute small gifts to everyone (including the 3 of us who were not invited to lunch). My gift was a manicure kit that was missing 2 of the pieces. (I presume it was regifted to me).

      1. PurpleHairChick*

        At old job they hosted a lunch for the entire office (80 people) but because we were considered operations we werent welcome to attend. The enitre floor would clear out expect for 4 of us. They would be gone for a 3 hour lunch including prizes and gifts (if you werent there you werent eligeble to win). Then everyone would come back and complain how tired they were after they party. My team tried to make the best of having quite time in the office and I’d usually bring in some little treats for us to share. It was still hard though. I feel you.

  32. LA*

    Okay, commenting because I didn’t know gold barbies were A Thing, but I have to chime in with the fact that I possess not one, but TWO golden Ken dolls thanks to my youth group’s Oscars-themed holiday party(my youth group had a lot of theater kids) when I was in high school.

    But since it was a church thing, they are not naked–they have Hawaiian swim trunks.

    3. Liane*

      LOL. Your youth group sounds more conservative than the one at my church when my College Kids attended. There was a (new) bra filled with candy at least once. Most gifts weren’t like this. My son once got a sizable roll of bubble wrap–we finally used it up last Christmas!

    5. Rhys*

      You’d think the church would love a chance to try to convince young girls that men just have a creepy mound of dickless flesh down there!

      1. LA*

        My church was…pretty open/frank about stuff, and the youth group leaders esp. had a good sense of humor. One year, we had a “Discipleship Now” weekend (which was basically a “learn about saving sex for marriage” weekend), and the high school girls pranked the rest of the youth group by making a giant banner that said “Sex Camp” and putting it up in the church fellowship hall so everyone would see it. No one got in trouble (though it was taken down once the adults stopped laughing at it).

  33. Snarkus Aurelius*

    Bland story here.

    I once worked for a trade association in the energy industry. Spending money on events was the norm, and the organization had the cash for sure.

    The Xmas party was at a swanky restaurant over the lunch hour, and then we had the rest of the day off. During the 30 minute cocktail portion, I saw the bar only had beer, wine, and soda. A little cheap but I didn’t think much of it at the time. I declined wine at the time because I figured I’d grab some with lunch.

    We went into the dining room, and the doors to the reception area immediately shut. I asked for wine and was told no more alcohol. Not only that but the entree options were three of the cheapest on the restaurant menu. No vegetarian option. A scoop of ice cream for dessert.

    I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but all the support staff knew how much this organization spent entertaining year round. To cheap out for a much smaller and hardworking group (27 people) was…noticed.

    1. AMT*

      Next year, down all the beer and wine you can during that thirty-minute window! Bring a Ziploc and pour some in if you have to.

    2. Emma*

      The thing that always gets me with stories like this is that if they are so determined to watch their costs, just holding the lunch at a cheaper place to begin with usually works without making them look like ungrateful cheapskates. I mean, some people will still notice that they aren’t going to Swanky Place, especially if they used to in the past, but most people would be more like, cool, we get lunch.

      1. Anion*

        My husband used to be a supervisor at a major credit card company, and every year they threw this huge blowout holiday party–his first year there they rented this enormous auditorium and hired KC and the Sunshine Band to come play (this was the mid-late 90s, when disco and KC were having kind of a resurgence), and that was typical. All managers etc. were required to attend, two free drinks for everyone, huge buffet, etc…. and no guests/spouses allowed. It was employees ONLY, because of costs.

        Every year we were like, you could maybe just do a normal nice party instead of an extravaganza, and so be able to afford to allow spouses to attend as well? It’s great to have this awesome party, but it’s not so great when you’re required to leave your spouse at home alone at 7 pm on a Friday night.

  34. Tammy*

    I was at a holiday party for my ex’s company years ago where several executive led the group in a rousing chorus of a song that was sung to the tune of “Walking In a Winter Wonderland” but involved lyrics about “walking around in women’s underwear”. It was sooooo awkward. And the HR person passed out unconscious on the dance floor and so was unable to put a stop to it.

      1. Tammy*

        Yeah. I mean, I fit into several of the “LGBTQIAP+” boxes, so the subject matter doesn’t offend me…but at a formal holiday party for a financial services company (at a fancy country club) which included clients? Not the right material for the venue and crowd.

        1. Retail HR Guy*

          I swear that string of letters (“LGBT…”) is longer every time I see it. Not a complaint (I don’t know of a better replacement word or phrase) but for some reason I find it amusing how it just keeps growing and growing.

          1. Purest Green*

            Hah, yeah I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the same lettering twice. At some point it should become obvious that those groups of people aren’t quite the minority as many would think.

          2. AMT*

            This is why I love the word “queer.” Short and inclusive. The only downside is that it hasn’t caught on among older people because they’re used to hearing it as an insult.

            1. atalanta*

              And to some of us youngs — it’s very much a slur where I’m from, and I strongly dislike being called it.

          3. AEB*

            GRSM (gender, romantic, and sexual Minorities) or MOGAI (marginalized orientations, gender alignments, and intersex) are used sometimes in the tumblr-y parts of the internet. As an asexual, I would personally love if there was a generally accepted alternative to LGTB, but I don’t expect the vast majority of people I meet offline to have any idea what they mean.

        2. Nelly*

          QUILTBAG – easier to remember.

          Queer, Undecided, Intersexed, Lesbian, Trans, Bi, Ace/Associated, Gay.

      2. Liane*

        I’ve heard it many times–a radio station we listened to played it several times every Christmas season. But that was a humorous morning show, not a party for a presumably professional company.
        (The DJs claimed the pianist who did the parody was married to a Victoria’s Secret model.)

    3. Trinity*

      I love that version! My concert band plays the music frequently at our Christmas shows and I always sing along inappropriately in my head. :) (But never out loud, and never at work!)

  35. Murphy*

    I don’t really have any crazy stories! (Thankfully!) But last year I was voluntold to be on the Holiday party committee, but I was new, so I figured I’d just grin and bear it. (I ended up being assigned to purchase something, but I don’t have a purchasing card, so a non-committee employee had to go with me, pretty much defeating the purpose.) In a casual meeting with some of my coworkers, I asked my boss if I was going to be voluntold to be on the committee again. I said, “Really?” and pointed out that I don’t have a card and that I can’t help move furniture because I’m too pregnant. I was ALL ready to be asked to be on the committee and to complain if there were no men on it (as I don’t think there were last year, but there may have been one) but I ended up not being on the committee at all! Bullet dodged.

  36. Undercover for this*

    Going undercover for this since I don’t want to out myself…At my old job we had a holiday party where spouses and significant others were welcome to attend. One year, a co-worker was caught making out with our boss in the bathroom. Both of them had wives and were fathers, and had brought their wives to the party. It was really awkward to look either one of them in the eye after that.

    3. Lily in NYC*

      That is juicy! My sister has a private bathroom at work and went to go use it after their holiday party and found two coworkers (one who was married to a different coworker) in there playing “duck club”. She said she just shut the door and left and never said a word about it – but she is the “big boss” there so I would love to know how the coworkers reacted when they realized what had just happened.

      1. Alli525*

        I really appreciate your euphemistic use of “playing duck club” – I wish I could talk about duck club outside AAM and people would understand me!

        (first rule of duck club: never talk about duck club)

    4. NacSacJack*

      Whoo-hoo!! Took me a minute to catch that – I actually had to stop and think, what? They were in the same bathroom? Went back and re-read it.

  37. Baby Architect*

    About a month into a new job out of college I was informed that one of my duties “as a student” (even though I had definitely already completed my undergraduate studies??) was planning the office holiday party in its entirety. Venue, menu, games, soundtrack, A/V equipment, decorations, and “year in review” slideshow.

    I’m still baffled that they put the responsibility of a cutesy year-end retrospective on someone who had one month’s worth of familiarity with the firm’s work and employees. And my job was in architecture, not event planning.

    2. Chaordic One*

      As long as you have some sort of budget to work with, it doesn’t sound too terrible.

      I used to have to do this when I was an admin. Of course, I asked for suggestions from my co-workers. They weren’t great parties, but they were O.K.

  38. Claire*

    This isn’t winter holiday related, but I worked in an office where, for the Thanksgiving lunch, we were made to dress up as either a pilgrim or an Indian. The costumes chosen by those who were assigned to be Indians were …. not sensitive, to say the least. There may have been pictures where one person was pretending to “scalp” another.

    4. Emi.*

      My college sailing team had a lot of parties, and a lot of parties that were not Sailing Team Parties but were hosted and attended by sailing team people, including one with the theme “Pilgrim Bros and NavaHoes.” I have never been so pleased not to be invited to a party.

        1. Marillenbaum*

          Because I’m salty as hell, I’d have probably shown up in a full Santa suit with beard and convinced two of my male friends to wear the skimpy elf costumes.

          1. Anonicat*

            I would pretty much only go if I could do this.

            Costumes are not mandatory at our work’s themed end of year parties, though there are prizes for best dressed. This year’s theme was Alice In Wonderland and the winner was a heavily pregnant woman who went as a teapot, with the handle on her back and a spout coming out of her belly. It was just painted cardboard but it looked so cute.

            1. Troutwaxer*

              My favorite ever costume was someone who tied a sneaker to her head and wore pink sweats. She was “a piece of gum on someone’s shoe.”

  40. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

    I was in one place where they FORGOT about the Christmas party.

    Turned out the guy who did the planning left the company in June. In Boston, you have to plan these things MONTHS in advance – because of space, hotels, etc.

    Around October, one of the big shots asked “what about the Christmas party?”…. everyone forgot that (let’s call him Fred) did the planning on his own, and when he left, no one picked up the ball. Too late to plan one! How are you gonna plan a party for 300 employees and their guest in under six weeks?

    So there was a hokey memo = “oh we all realize you’re too busy around the holiday time – so we’re going to have the Christmas party – in mid-February!!!! Isn’t that better?”

    Uh, no.

    1. Manders*

      Ooh, I’d enjoy a bit of schadenfreude over that if I were Fred. How often do you get to say, “See, this office couldn’t function without me!” after you leave a job?

      2. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

        This guy went off to a much better job in a different region of the country. I suspect he was also caught in a pay band-low grade situation and (long story) to fix that they’d have to jump him up four grades.

        I don’t know how far the management team went to try to fix that, but in any event, he was missed, both for his computer programming work, and his involvement in various employee functions.

      3. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

        And to answer Manders’ comment – looking at how “Fred” ended up a year later, I don’t think he looked back.

        I’ve been in that position myself – and enjoyed that schadenfreude – but on the other hand, knowing where Fred wound up, I doubt he was thinking too much about us.

    3. Liz2*

      I’ve seen a lot of companies now moving their “holiday party” to January, I would guess to lighten the Dec load and get cheaper rates on venues. Just feels less spirited and celebratory to me.

      1. Sparkly Librarian*

        I worked for several years at a company that did that: a new year’s party sometime in January (not NYE). It was great! Changed the flavor from peppermint-and-seasonal-angst to sparkles-and-a-new-beginning, for one thing, and we had better options in what to wear. Plus the scheduling was easier.

        1. WS*

          I just made the most undignified snorting-laugh at “peppermint-and-seasonal-angst”. Thank goodness I’m alone in the office today! (Also I know how I’m going to be describing the rest of this holiday season now…)

      2. Creag an Tuire*

        Ms Tuire’s company does that, but they have two excuses:
        a) She works at a satellite office and the holiday party involves taking a party bus to the Main Office in North Kentucky, so they don’t want to disrupt anybody’s other holiday plans;
        b) Last year they went ALL OUT. In the “even if my non-profit organization HAD to money to do this, we could never get away with it for PR reasons” sense.

      3. Cath in Canada*

        Ours is in January this year, for the first time. Much easier to schedule people, and the venues are that much cheaper.

        There might or might not be an unofficial party happening in December anyway. Might or might not be.

      4. Abby*

        Actually my husband’s company did this and it was kind of nice. Schedules are more open and people were less stressed. And they could afford to do the big hotel ballroom thing.

      5. Tim*

        We’ve always had our holiday party in January and we’re apparently so attached to it that when our boss tried to make us to have it in December this year, everyone (including the rest of management) had a meltdown and the other night we stayed late to have an impromptu meeting to discuss all the reasons why our boss should be fired and how we just shouldn’t even talk to him anymore. Hourly employees were paid OT for attending.

        I mean, there’s more going on than him telling us we had to have our party in December. But that was the step too far.

      6. Dot Warner*

        My husband’s company does that too. It’s nice to have an excuse to celebrate in January since there’s basically nothing else going on.

      7. Akcipitrokulo*

        We do that, and it’s pretty popular. Less stress, more people available and nice to have something cheery in dark January nights! I’m sure it is cheaper, but it’s a really good night at nice hotel with first couple of drinks at bar, 3 course meal andwine at table.

        Other reason is they have time to calculate year end financial results (and therefore bonus levels!) … they are announced over dinner.

    4. CAA*

      My last company deliberately had the party in mid-January. Their explanation was that December was just too busy, but everyone just figured that venues are a lot cheaper in January. We did have annual raises and good bonuses, so if they wanted to save a few bucks on the party to make those possible, I thought that was ok.

    5. CMT*

      That would work for me. I have plenty of other parties to go to in December. It would be nice to spread out the cheer (and free food and drink) a little. And this is what places in the service industry do, since they’re all working other peoples’ holiday parties.

    6. MsMaryMary*

      I’ve attended a couple work parties planned for mid-January. It was less the venue and more everyone’s availability. Year end is pretty busy in my industry, and then you take into account client events and personal commitments…it was nice not to have to cram another party into December.

    7. Trout 'Waver*

      A friend who is an attorney said that they always have the local Bar Association party in mid-February because the holidays are a very busy time for family law and criminal attorneys. I get the reasoning on that one, tbh.

    8. oh12*

      At my former job they *on purpose* planned the holiday party in February, also “to avoid the busy-ness of December”. The real reason was not that someone forgot, but because they were cheap. NO ONE went (when the day came the higher ups were begging people to attend) so whatever $$ they did spend was wasted.

      At another workplace my boss’s boss would “invite” us to lunch, and we had to pay for our own food. He chose the restaurant with no input from anyone else. Attendance was not optional. And he was VERY well-paid. He was also socially clueless.

      1. Person of Interest*

        You must have worked with my husband – the holiday party has been in mid-February for a few years now, for the same stated and real reasons. You know what turns out to be worse than giving up one of your December Saturday nights for the office holiday party? Giving up your VALENTINE’S DAY Saturday night for the office holiday party.

    9. Lalaith*

      One year my company did their holiday party in February *on purpose* (or at least, no one admitted publicly that someone had dropped the ball in planning). Not only that, but they turned it into a client event – we invited clients, and couldn’t bring our own guests. And despite the fact that it was right after work, they served very little food, just a few passed hors d’ouvres. But plenty of alcohol. Fortunately there weren’t any incidents (that I heard about, anyway). I haven’t gone to a holiday party since.

      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        Our company bunfight (see yesterday’s short answer post for an explanation) will take place in mid-January, but for anyone still at work on the last day before Christmas the management are arranging for drinks and nibbles in the break room at the end of the day.

    10. Fiona the Lurker*

      We once had a Christmas party in February – for a good reason, but it fell a bit flat. We were a small team with a boss we were all fond of, who was in hospital over Christmas. Nobody felt like partying without him, so we decided to wait until he got back – and senior management, who were footing the bill, agreed with our decision. In the end we all went out for a meal the first week in February, but without the Christmas decorations and the crackers etc. it was just an ordinary meal out – nice enough, but nothing special. I’m not sure our boss really understood the gesture, either, so it probably wasn’t all that much worth doing.

    11. lowercase holly*

      i kind of like having the holiday party later. i won’t be in town for my company’s this year.

    13. Jen G*

      Our* company does this and it’s actually kinda great. We call it the Company Prom and it’s usually lavish and fun. Most departments do a lunch or an afternoon party on their own, but the Company Prom is in February.

      *my spouse is an employee; I’m a contractor.

  41. Central Perk Regular*

    Several years ago at a company holiday party, one of the new hires (Randy) pretty much sexually assaulted another employee…in front of the entire company. Randy had been with the company about six months at the point and presented himself as a real family man (wife, two young kids). He got really drunk at the party (the company didn’t provide any food – just drinks) and started making out with another employee on a couch in the bar when the party was. Randy started pushing her to go farther and she wasn’t interested, so he pushed harder. He had to be pulled off the woman by his boss’ boss.

    On Monday morning, his boss found out what happened and was mortified. The boss wanted to discipline Randy, but boss’ boss wouldn’t do anything. Randy ended up getting promoted a few months later and is still with the company. Thankfully, I moved on a long time ago.

    5. Beancounter in Texas*

      Wait… Randy’s boss’ boss had to pull Randy off the woman, but then that same person wouldn’t do anything?!!

      1. Central Perk Regular*

        Yup, you got it. Randy’s boss (Todd) wasnt at the party, so he heard about Randy’s antics on Monday morning. Todd’s boss (George) was the guy who pulled Randy off the woman. It was so mind-boggling why Randy was never reprimanded or even spoken to about his behavior. But this team was really sexist and highly dysfunctional, so I guess I shouldnt be too surprised at the outcome.

    6. Golden Lioness*

      So everyone was just standing around and were going to let him assault the co-worker? I would have called the cops. And the fact that there were no consequences afterwards… that is just horrible.

      1. Central Perk Regular*

        Yeah, pretty much. In my defense, I wasn’t at the party or I definitely would have gotten involved, either calling the cops or trying to intervene.

    7. Blue Anne*

      Similar thing happened at my ex-boyfriend Jake’s Christmas party. Jake was the manager of a large team, they all went out drinking and dancing, “the lads were being lads” and making sexual jokes/grabbing each other (which ex-bf wasn’t comfortable with in the first place, someone put their hand down his pants) and then one of the lads (Jerkface) went for a woman. Grabbed her, groped her, grabbed her again when she struggled away, and then tried to get her to laugh it off when Jake stepped in and broke it up.

      When Jake went in on Monday one of the lads was all “Crazy weekend huh, ha ha ha” and Jake shut it down, made it clear he was very pissed off. The woman was shaken and upset but didn’t want to make a disciplinary issue of it beyond ex-bf chewing Jerkface out in a meeting, which Jake was understanding about (although frustrated, not at her, but by the fact that her reasons were totally legitimate). In their meeting he told the guy that the only reason Jerkface still had a job was that the woman didn’t want to make waves, that Jerkface was part of the problem on a lot of different levels, that Jake would have completely supported her and been a witness if she had wanted to go to the police, and that even the sexual behaviour with other guys leading up to it had been out of line. Jerkface wrote a letter of apology of his own volition, not that it really helped.

      He called me to vent that he couldn’t do more. The whole thing was pretty horrifying.

      1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

        Kudos to Jake for making it clear that the behaviour was not in any way acceptable. While there wasn’t much more he could do, he did a lot more than most people do.

  42. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

    Not really a Christmas story, but still something!

    When I was 18, after graduation I worked in a factory for the summer before college. No AC, crappy assembly line work for 55 hours a week starting at 5 am, and the boss from hell.

    She would constantly yell, berate people for working slower when it was really hot (Midwest, can be 110 and humid inside a non-cooled building during heat waves), and even try to carry out work related conversations when we all took breaks and were in bathrooms! Yes, in the stalls.

    She was pretty scary. So one morning at about 10:30, before 11 am lunch, she was talking to another 18 year old coworker. I didn’t catch it. Then, come 10:45, she hurried up to the assembly line waving a carving knife excitedly!

    I just froze. Had she finally snapped?

    But then I finally heard what she was saying. “Coworker! I found a KNIFE! Now we can all have your birthday cake!”

    The other girl had brought a cake in but forgot utensils.

  43. Edith*

    The CFO got up in the middle of the party and gave a huge speech about hard we’d all been working the last several years and how much it was appreciated. She talked about how she knew nobody had had anything more than the tiniest cost of living raise in several years and said that we were all getting a Christmas bonus for the first time ever because of how above and beyond we’d been going. As envelopes were passed out and I made my way back to my office I excitedly tried to guess how much I’d received. It had to be $100, right? Or even $200? CFO had made such a big deal about it. The actual bonus? A $20 gift card to a local gas station.

    It didn’t even buy me a whole tank of gas.

      3. Edith*

        My employer is a nonprofit and the family that owns the gas station chain is our biggest benefactor. (Case in point: our building is their former corporate headquarters that they donated to us when they moved into a bigger building.) The CFO made it sound like she and the CEO had spent weeks agonizing over the budget to work out a way to get us a Christmas bonus, but they had obviously just been donated by the gas station.

      5. sssssssssssssss*

        I once got a gift certificate for the store I worked at; it was a gift shop and it had really nice gifts; I was under 18 and still earning the student minimum wage working part-time one day a week so the gift certificate was well appreciated and well used (sadly the person I bought it for was less appreciative but that’s a story for another forum).

        It was given to staff while we were all at a local spa for the holiday party – the owner of the tiny local pharmacy (who also owned the gift shop) booked the local spa for us exclusively for the night and we had full access to the pool, sauna, and hot tub. It was my first “corporate” Xmas party and one of my most memorable.

        1. LA*

          I so wish that had been the case for the store I was working at. It wouldn’t have been so bad if $20 would’ve been enough to actually buy something I needed/wanted (it was a textbook store).

      6. PurpleHairChick*

        At oldjob we recieved $100.00 gas cards. This would have been awesome except the closest gas station we could use the card at was over 1.5 hour drive away. Apparently there were lots of these gas stations close to our head office but no one considered the satelite office loacations. It was a good try though.

    2. The Grinch*

      I think that might actually be worse than continuing to get nothing. Not the $20 gift card but the speech…”you work so hard you are worth $20 to us!”

    3. Zoe Karvounopsina*

      My ex-employers used to give us bottles of red wine they just had…hanging around. (Except for my muslim co-workers, who got nice chocolates.)

      1. Liz in a Library*

        I had a friend who was given a half-drunk and stale bottle of wine as a Christmas bonus once. She also had it presented as “Oh you’ve worked so hard and we appreciate you so much!”

      2. MsMaryMary*

        I did once receive a bottle of wine out of someone’s desk drawer as a random gift. It had been a long week, and we’d just finished a rather contentious meeting that ran well past 5 on Friday. The account exec pulled a bottle out of his desk, said, “You like red wine, right? Enjoy your weekend.”

        1. Marillenbaum*

          I am both impressed and concerned that this person just has bottles of wine at the ready in their desk at work (she says, just having ordered herself a monogrammed flask…)

          1. Jess*

            When I was an event planner I basically kept a full bar in my bottom desk drawer. You just never knew when a VIP was going to ask for a scotch on the rocks or a dry martini at a dinner where you’ve only ordered paired wines. My boss was surprised the first time she saw my liquor collection, but it came in handy more than once.

    4. beachlover*

      my company does a 12 days of Christmas giveaway. everyday they draw names for different gifts. Sometimes the gift really cool, snowboards, radios, gift cards. The majority of it is company swag, hats and T shirts etc. by the end of the 12 days everyone in the Company has received a gift of some sort. I did win a Kuereg Coffeemaker one year, that was nice. Mostly hats and shirts. I also won a gas card it was for $5.00 at the height of the gas prices, Gas was 4.72 per gallon.

    5. Maxwell Edison*

      The last bonus I got back at ToxicJob was a candy apple. Not even a normal candy apple, but one plastered with frosting and nuts and God knows what. My teeth itched just looking at it. I tossed it in the trash when I got home.

    6. Amadeo*

      This makes me think of the newspaper where I worked. I wasn’t witness to this particular story, but I was told about it several times. While I was there, everybody got $25 gift cards to a local chain grocery store but during my first Christmas with the paper, one of my coworkers told me that they used to get turkeys.

      Until one year someone, I’m going to assume offended by the ‘generous’ gift of their small turkey, took it outside and dropped it down into a landscaping bush where nobody found it until July. The story is still kind of entertaining to me.

    7. rozin*

      The company I’m with doesn’t really do Christmas bonuses. At all. Though last year they gave us bells (yes, the jingle bell variety) as if that was our bonus. There was a lot of frustrated ringing throughout the office that day.

  44. Sooooo anonymous for this one*

    Our managing partner was dressed as Santa, and asked people in our (mostly-female, mostly young) office to come have a seat on his lap. No-one took him up on it…

    Awkward as hell!

  45. Jesmlet*

    New coworker decided to suggest playing 2 truths and a lie. It devolved from there. The mile high club may have been mentioned but I was fortunately too drunk to remember all the details.

  46. Nepenthe*

    A few years ago, my (now former) employer had its holiday party at one of those upscale bowling alleys. The invitation asked those who wanted to bowl to sign up for teams for a “friendly competition.” I did not sign up as I am not particularly athletic and also did not to try to bowl in my business clothes (we were not going to be permitted to change into jeans or other more casual attire before the party). However, when I arrived at the party I was told that not enough people had signed up for the bowling teams, so bowling was now mandatory for anyone who didn’t have a doctor’s note excusing participation (again, there was no advance warning). I decided to be a good sport and participate, only to learn that the competition wasn’t so friendly (most of the bowlers were ultra-competitive) and involved a lot of screaming, cursing and trash talking, much of which was directed at me. My team lost (admittedly, because I didn’t bowl very well) so I continued to be subjected to verbal abuse along the same lines for the rest of the evening. Yep, way to get in the holiday spirit!

    1. Lemon Zinger*

      Wow. That is so uncool of them. Unfortunately I can relate.

      Over the summer we had an all-staff training and went bowling one afternoon as a “team-building training break.” Also not permitted to change clothes. People who didn’t participate couldn’t go back to the office to catch up on work, so those of us who did bowl (awkwardly) were watched (awkwardly) by everyone forced to stay.

    2. Elemeno P.*

      Oh man, that’s so terrible.

      I’m also an awful bowler and there was a bowling competition at a holiday party, but it was friendly and that made all the difference. I was the only one from my department playing, so I shouted my department name victoriously every time I got a gutter ball and everyone cheered. If they’d actually yelled at me, I would have cried.

    3. Nepenthe*

      The thing is, I actually do like bowling, even though I’m not very good at it. I’ve been to some team-building events that involved bowling that were actually very fun – key was that the bowling part was optional, we were allowed to dress casually, competition was minimal or nonexistent (people were just bowling for fun, not to “win” anything), and there were great refreshments served, so the bowling was essentially an accessory to a happy hour-type party. But mandatory participation, in business clothes, while lack of athletic ability resulted in verbal abuse including obscenities?! Would have been bad enough if it were just a non-occasion-specific office event, but to have this as the “holiday party” which is supposed to thank people for their hard work throughout the year? No thanks!

    5. Anon for this*

      I had a fun bowling outing with my mobile team before the holiday craziness. I showed up very stoned, ate free pizza and messed with both my boss’s name and score on the computer.

      Wasn’t even the worst bowler there. Heard everyone laughing and looked up in time to see one of my colleague’s balls rolling…backwards. Nerf dart throwing occurred later.

  47. Shazbot*

    Many years ago at an after-work holiday dinner a (fairly new and a little weird) colleague brought along a stripper/escort of the not-sure-if-legal-super-girly-not-much-English-Asian-woman persuasion as his date. We…said nothing. To this day we are not sure if he actually hired her or if that was in fact his girlfriend. It was the sort of thing that it just didn’t seem possible to ask about. She did not appear at future events.

    1. Anon!*

      I worked with a guy that brought a date to a holiday dinner. He told us all upfront that his girlfriend worked as an escort (“but, dudes, not THAT kind of escort! I mean, she doesn’t DO STUFF!”) and we were all like ooookay, whatever bud. Then when she showed up, it turned out she looked like she was about 15 (which she emphasized by wearing a baby doll dress or something like that, really young-girl looking). Then she excused herself early from dinner because she had to go to work. Definitely awkward and icky feeling.

      1. Liz2*

        And weird cause there are plenty of professional business level escorts who would fit right in with such parties. You have to think these guys just felt the need to show off for whatever reason.

    2. Temperance*

      I posted of a similar thing happening upthread, but it was the dude’s sex buddy, who was also a stripper.

    3. Hmm*

      Uhhh… I work with plenty of young-looking Asian women who speak English with varying degrees of fluency. Do you know she was a stripper/escort or is this an assumption you’re making based on her race? In other words, if she was a young-looking super-girly white woman (possibly with a strong Dutch accent and a hesitancy to speak in English), would it have created such a stir?

      1. Shazbot*

        It’s possible she looked very young for her age. It’s possible that she was just dressed inappropriately scantily for the event. It’s possible that she naturally did not speak much English. It’s possible that she was just a super-feminine personality sort. However, taken all at the same time, combined with the creepy white guy who brought her, it very much gave off the vibe of someone who had been hired because she fulfilled a certain type of fantasy and was exaggerating it for the customer. If she’d been a white woman acting out a Dutch dairymaid character then yes, I’d have assumed the same.

        But nice try intimating that I’m racist and/or don’t work with people who are nonwhite or speak varying levels of English. I bet you feel very clever now.

  48. pgrmmgr*

    I used to work in an office of about 25 employees. Some staff were teetotelers for religious reasons, and some of us enjoy an adult beverage on occasion. Whether events could include alcohol was an ongoing point of contention (and in an office this size, staff party plans were discussed at our regular staff meeting, not generally made and announced). Our office manager would say that serving alcohol at a staff party was illegal (though it never was discussed as such when it was time for our annual fundraiser), and one year the party was held in a dry pizza shop. The executive director disagreed, and went to the local liquor store to pick up wine, which she brought back in paper bags, and poured into plastic cups passed around under the table. It was a riot.

    On a side note, our office manager also had a number of teetotaling connections, and one year hired one as a caterer for our annual fundraiser. The caterer proceeded to uncork every bottle of wine in the cases our fundraising team had gotten on consignment (pay for what’s opened, return the rest) while setting up for the event. Given the consignment option, we had way more than needed, so the booze budget for that event ended up going bust.

    1. Whats In A Name*

      Oh this happened to my partner at a work event he held hosting clients…there were about 15 people in attendance & his staff was instructed to limit it to one drink. He bought (on company dime) just about every type of alcohol and wine you can imagine and the catering staff opened and corked EVERY SINGLE BOTTLE. The wine had to be tossed but on the flipside we have a nicely stocked bar at home. But it busted the budget and it was pulling teeth to host another event…but now he knows to tell caterers to NOT OPEN UNLESS ORDERED.

      1. Beancounter in Texas*

        At a family wedding, the restaurant opened all of the leftover wine bottles for us (about 12) and immediately recorked them, as we had paid for the wine, but they couldn’t let us go home with unopened bottles of wine on their liquor license. It was the holidays anyway, so we split the bottles between us.

    2. Lillian Styx*

      I did that! The holiday party was being held at a pizza joint and I asked the organizer via email if it was BYOB. She responded in the affirmative (I thought) but it was actually a quote from something and I missed the joke so I brought a couple bottles of wine. When I was advised of my mistake I opened the bottles anyway (the Swiss Army knife is such a useful gift get one for everyone on your list folks) and refilled everyone’s pop glasses with wine. If the wait staff noticed they were super cool about it!

  49. Nanc*

    I have no terrible holiday story to contribute but I find it amusing that my iTunes was playing Brian Setzer’s version of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” just as I opened up this post!

      1. Lily in NYC*

        OK, that sounded so weird. I should have mentioned I had a summer job working at a farm stand and it was near the Hamptons so we’d often see celebrities.

        3. Lillian Styx*

          Lmao I legit thought this was one of the song lyrics for a hot minute.

          You’re a mean one, Mr Grinch;
          You really are a heel;
          I sold you a cauliflower in 1985

        4. Jess*

          Aw! I was once in line behind Drew Faust, the president of Harvard, at a farmstand. She bought a gigantic broccoli. I asked her what she was planning to make and she told me she couldn’t cook a bit but her husband was great at it, and she was looking forward to whatever he came up with.

  50. Lovemyjob...truly!!*

    I was one of about 8 temps at a large company around the holidays. All of us wanted to be hired but there were only 3 positions available. We had been invited to celebrate the holiday with the department. It was a potluck thing, held at lunch, very casual with a Yankee Swap gift exchange. Only one temp participated in the swap. He brought an old, beat up and very well worn Coach bag. It still had it’s original box and protective bag though so people assumed the best of it. The woman who got it was disappointed when she saw that the leather was ripped, the lining was in shreds and there was even a melted mint inside of it. Fast forward to about a week later when Yankee Swap temp wasn’t chosen for permanent position (unrelated to gift) and he and 4 others were released from the assignment. He flipped out and wanted his gift back! He made a HUGE scene and had to be escorted to his car. I really think he thought that his gift would buy his way into the job.

    2. P*

      Aw… if not for his toolish behavior when he was fired, I might think that was kind of sweet. I know a lot of men who don’t know a lot about designers to know that Coach isn’t especially up there, but know that vintage bags have value and might have thought “that’s that fancy store at the mall, right? my ex girlfriend left this in my closet, I bet someone might like it.” If someone threw even a rough looking Hermes bag into the ring I’d be pretty excited, you know?

  51. Anon this time*

    Oh, so many stories to choose from. Going anon so I don’t get outed.

    – The year the boss left little buttons on everyone’s desk. Everyone got one suited to their personality: “I love candy!” “Don’t touch the copier!” were a little weird but everyone kind of laughed. And then it turned out one guy got “I’m a f*g!” which wasn’t funny at all.

    – The year the club kid software developer INSISTED on everyone doing tequila shots, like “come on bro it’s not cool if you don’t!” — he saved his hardest pressure tactics for the CEO, who was like WTF. Same club kid tried getting down and dirty on the dance floor with a female high level exec, and then drunkenly knocked her over onto the floor.

    – The year I was at my first job and made 19K a year and needed my xmas bonus to purchase all my gifts, and my boss didn’t give it to me until 5:00 PM on xmas eve, and it didn’t even cross his mind that I might have wanted it sooner.

    – The year one guy took his shirt off and swung it around his head to show off his hairy chest. This was after he won a chugging contest. It was still daylight out at this point, I don’t think he remembers any of it.

      1. RVA Cat*

        I know, right?! I mean that is unacceptable even if it was in like 1983….

        Last one makes me picture Will Ferrell as Frank the Tank though.

      2. AnotherAlison*

        One year, we had department bowling shirts made for our department holiday-ish outing. The planners gave everyone a nickname for their bowling name. Many of them definitely inspired an awkward laugh, but none were mean or blatantly derogatory.

    3. Turtlewings*

      My mouth is still open at that first one.

      The drunken mishaps you listed make this is as good a place as any to say: Good golly, so many of these stories involve someone getting wasted and doing stupid things. Now, I don’t drink, my entire family doesn’t drink, so I may just have the wrong perspective here — but holy goodness, why don’t people have the sense not to get wasted in front of the people they work for? And why don’t employers have the sense to do something to prevent this? (For instance, one story mentioned a party with a one-drink limit. Sounds reasonable to me!)

      1. Anon this time*

        Many of the places I’ve worked have had a very boozy culture. Like, it’s cool to get wasted. Almost all of my offices hosted weekly happy hours and had very boozy parties/events. I think that this is part of the “work hard! play hard!” culture that companies try to promote, to make people think that work is fun (and make them overlook that their jobs actually suck). Now, thankfully, I work at a company that has no boozy culture and at the two events we do each year, they hand out a couple of drink tickets and that’s IT.

      2. Emma*

        I come from a family of alcoholics. No, they don’t have the sense (or ability, rather) not to get wasted in front of coworkers/bosses – it’s just some hold their liquor better than others.

        And yeah, I know not everyone, maybe even not most people, who get so wasted at holiday parties as in these stories are alcoholics, but yeah, that’s where my mind goes.

        1. Turtlewings*

          Alcoholics who truly can’t help themselves have my full sympathy. It’s terrible when that happens (I’m reminded of TeasedLW, who has update here showing how much better she’s doing!). I’m just confused by non-alcoholics who behave this way. But everyone has their foibles, I guess.

          1. krfp13*

            I would counter that alcoholics can help themselves, and TeasedLW is an example of that. It’s the wanting help that matters. The change is always going to be hard, and that’s where I think the sympathy should go, is to the struggle, rather than pitying the (not) helpless. I don’t think alcoholism as a incurable disease is helpful framing. Instead: effin tough mental health issue.

            1. Emma*

              Yeah, this. I was trying to think of the way to say this. I mean, I get my family members have legit struggles with alcohol and it’s hard for them, but it seems like sometimes people are a bit too eager to excuse them, I guess? And then I feel like a horrible, unsupportive relative for wanting to set boundaries or push back on bad behavior. (I know, Turtlewings, that’s not what you’re saying.)

              The other thing is – yes, the alcoholism is a mental illness they struggle with, but … I don’t really buy the notion that drunk people can’t help how they act. Maybe for some things, but, like, if you make a nasty comment to me it’s not like it was a different person saying that. You drunk is still you, and drunken inappropriate behavior is still inappropriate behavior. The one single thing I hate most about how we talk about drunkenness is how so many people talk like once you’re drunk you just can’t help yourself, so anything you did should be excused. (I haven’t seen that crop up here, which is one reason I like you guys.)

              I mean, I get that being really drunk decreases your self-control, but the burden to behave appropriately is still on you, you know? And I know that alcoholism can compound the problem, but it doesn’t really lessen the person’s responsibility to behave appropriately.

              2. Mreasy*

                If you’ve ever blacked out though…it’s a completely different experience. Terrifying and means you’ve got a problem, but you’re absolutely not in control of your brain.

              3. Zombii*

                Late to this party but it’s not really about self-control. Alcohol removes inhibitions. So the person they are when they’re drunk is what they’re like stripped of their filter. Whatever comes out, that’s just them with zero restraint. It’s scary sometimes.

                Being drunk should not be a free pass, for anyone—assuming that the person made the choice to start drinking, they were one who made that choice; they also made the choice to keep drinking. There’s always a choice, even with addiction. Yes, it’s hard, but it’s still a choice.

                (Full disclosure: alcoholism on both sides of my family, my sibling has it, my dad has it, I don’t have it yet but I don’t drink often or excessively because I’m kind of scared of it.)

      3. Marillenbaum*

        It definitely depends on the office culture, and whether people hold their liquor well. I worked in higher ed for a while, and the chief admin’s husband was a bartender, so we always had a well-stocked holiday party. Most of the time it was fine, and my boss once dusted off his frat-boy past for some tequila shots, but occasionally you had that one guy who was a little *too* friendly with the junior female staff. In front of his wife. Oy.

      4. P*

        As a personal anecdote–I’ve never gotten embarrassingly drunk when I shouldn’t have, but I’ve definitely gotten more tipsy than I intended around my bosses. It can happen pretty easily if (1) your typical tolerance level is based on having a semi-ful stomach and you go right to drinks from work, or (2) when you have to make small talk you keep unconsciously taking sips of your drink to look busy/excuse the silence. When I’m around my friends I’ll nurse a beer for an hour, but if I feel awkward or don’t know people very well I accidentally drink faster than I intend to.

        2. Turtlewings*

          I really appreciate you sharing this; it truly helps my understanding of how sensible people might get themselves unwisely intoxicated at these events. Like I said above, I don’t drink at all, so it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around it sometimes.

        3. JKP*

          Once, after already having someone bring me a couple drinks, I went to the bar to order a 3rd and as I watched them make it, realized they put WAY more alcohol in the drink than I expected. I would have thought 1-2 shots in the small glass of tequila sunrise, but there were 4 shots. Which meant I had 8 shots in an hour and nursed the 3rd drink for the rest of the night.

        4. Anion*

          It can also depend on how hydrated you are. If you’re a bit dehydrated the alcohol is going to hit you harder. And for women it can be a hormonal thing, too, in some cases.

          I used to drink pretty often–I mean, going out every weekend and at least one weekend night–and had a decent alcohol tolerance, but once or twice I found myself on my *ss after like a beer and a half, and it was because of being dehydrated or time of the month (or both).

          1. P*

            Yep, this is true as well. I’ve also found that I feel more drunk (or sloppier seeming–not as well spoken as usual, etc.) if I’m really tired when I start drinking. I can certainly imagine a perfect storm of dehydrated, haven’t eaten recently, didn’t get much sleep the night before where that beer and a half would hit me MUCH harder than usual.

  52. JC Denton*

    Mine are relatively tame.

    1) Awkward Christmas potlucks that quickly got culled after nobody planned or organized said potlucks. You ended up with twenty or so people sitting around a small conference table with a smorgasbord of random kitchen concoctions and bakery goods from Safeway. After ten minutes of silence and no reasonable dinner being capable of being assembled from the lineup, folks dispersed and the tradition was happily disbanded.

    2) Jones Soda Holiday Pack “dare” meetings. A colleague would buy a couple packs for our weekly meeting before the Christmas holiday. For context: Jones is an indie soda company and produces a gimmick, “holiday pack” of holiday food themed sodas that are rather nasty. One of the bottles available was salmon pate. The rule was that everyone would take at least two shots of the foul stuff before the meeting could continue.

    3) Probably the best. We had a supervisor that was a well-known alcoholic that refused help. There was a white elephant party with lots of free drink and food. The alcohol related gifts were repeatedly “stolen” from this person, who would carp incessantly about the loss. After the game concluded and they got no liquor, they proceeded to down a whole pitcher of beer in front of several senior managers – happily proclaiming if they won no booze, they’d get their fair share at the party. They were quietly moved out of the department shortly thereafter.

      1. Liane*

        Am warning College Son that he & his sister should avoid buying any of these packages, since I know they sell the brand at the grocery where they work.

    3. Beancounter in Texas*

      Isn’t the point of a potluck is a smorgasbord of food? I appreciate people organizing who is going to bring what dish to round out a meal, but it’s not a potluck then. It’s an organized lunch.

      And my department is doing an organized “potluck” tomorrow.

      1. AnotherAlison*

        Right? This is more or less what is available for dinner every night at my house. It’s fine. Hummus and pita bread, carrots and ranch, cupcakes, and fudge can totally be a meal.

        2. Beancounter in Texas*

          We do that too! Hummus, pita chips, cheese, crackers, tomatoes, avocados, carrots, snap peas and cold cuts. Whatever else doesn’t require cooking.

          1. Anxious Enough*

            My husband goes ballistic if I try to call that a meal, but when it’s just me and the toddler, we’re good. Protein and plants, practice dipping and spreading, usually we talk about colors and numbers, what’s not enjoyable?

  53. Anonish*

    One year the guy that was hired to photograph the party ended up having sex with someone’s plus-one in the back storage room. This was discovered the next day because the back door had been left open overnight, so the office manager sat down to review the security tapes and got an unexpected surprise! I was mostly concerned that the table the couple had, um, used had been properly disinfected, since the tables we all ate lunch at were being stored back there for the party.

    1. paul*

      Oh, gross. Sex is fun and all, but it’s messy, so please not where other people have to eat off of *gags*

  54. EyesWideOpen*

    My small department is not invited to the company’s corporate office holiday party due to the actions of the head of the department. Feels rather grinchy – maybe someone else in the department would like to attend. Note, the corporate office is quite small. Good times.

      2. SophieChotek*

        Seems like if the behavior of dept. head needs to be adjusted, taking it out on entire dept. is not the way to go. Sorry you can’t go…

      1. Eyes Wide Open*

        Not holiday party related.
        Last January, head of department and head boss got into a violent argument. After an outside employment investigation, it was deemed these two can no longer be around each other and department was moved. So, no holiday party for the rest of us.

  55. Little Love*

    I work for a small town newspaper that pays crap and is barely hanging on. We used to have holiday party for employees back around 30 years ago. Then the new owner decided to do a party of advertisers and important people in town. Employees were invited to attend but we had to work, maintaining the buffet line and schmoozing. One of the main advertising sales staff refused to attend and the editor used to hide in the press room to eat. Last year, there were more employees than advertisers. The owner cancelled the party. We were all delighted.

  56. Lana Kane*

    I used to be part of a 3 person admin team to a group of partners. The wife of one of the partners apparently bought Christmas presents for the admin team every year. I started around early September, and when Christmas came along the other 2 admins got these huge, expensive crystal punchbowls (not my style, but wow, spendy). I got squat. I asked one of the other admins what was up, and she said , “Yeah, his wife never buys anything for the newest admin. I didn’t get anything last year either.”

    Okay, then!

    2. SJ*

      It’s so stinking rude to exclude someone from that sort of thing. I left a job in September and am sending “Happy holidays! Hope you’re well!” holiday cards & chocolates to my ex-coworkers from my old department, and I’m sending one to my replacement too. Like, I never met her, but I interviewed her pretty extensively on the phone and she’s part of the (small, close-knit) department now. I can’t imagine sending a package to the office containing something for everyone but her just because she’s the new kid.

      3. P*

        Not to be mushy, but I think this is really what separates charismatic/”oh I love Tim, he’s so nice” people from the rest of us. You totally could have left her out, and she might have even understood since you don’t really know her, but that’s so thoughtful and inclusive.

  57. Emma*

    When I worked at a pagan store, I got to man the desk (I volunteered) while the owners + whoever had signed up online conducted a Yule ritual in the back of the shop, the back being only tenuously separated from the front by a few pieces of plywood and some creative draping. It was fine except the customers who came in were shopping in a half-dark building, and the words “whoops, better watch the candle” drifted ominously out of the back at some point. I also got to help one of the participants carry a gigantic drum through the store and into the back, which we only managed by rearranging the plywood “wall” first.

    I still don’t know why they didn’t just close the store or move the group ritual to our off day. Knowing the owners, they probably meant to close but forgot it was Yule until people started showing up for the ritual. I also still wonder how many of the customers who came in realized it was a pagan store before entering – it was well-publicized online, but if you just walked past the storefront it looked like a kitschy gift shop.

    This isn’t really that weird a story, I guess, but it was certainly an interesting day.

    1. fposte*

      I thought “conducted a Yule ritual in the back of the shop” and “Whoops, better watch the candle” were pretty darn interesting :-).

      1. Emma*

        These were the same people who, for a different ritual, told me their secrets to getting a nice blue flame with sparks going in an iron cauldron, then offered to demonstrate in the shop. Fire safety was really not their thing. The words “come on, the carpet’s not that flammable” might have been uttered.

        The thing I always found funny about this is that at the time (the shop’s since moved locations) they opened out back onto a nice stretch of blacktop that was empty at that time of night, with no overhanging trees or anything, and nicely sheltered from things like wind. And none of the neighbors would’ve minded anyone conducting rituals out there – which I know because sometimes we did that, when we had more participants than could fit in the back of the store. I guess you do lose something when there’s no drapery to potentially set alight, though.

        1. Trig*

          I’m picturing this as an offshoot of the feminist bookshop from Portlandia here, and it’s glorious.

    3. Blue Anne*

      I think a lot of pagan stores do good business by looking like kitschy gift shops. The one I used to frequent certainly made most of their profit that way.

  58. Squeegee Beckenheim*

    My company holds its holiday party during the day on Christmas Eve, so I’ve never attended. (This year it’s on the 23rd because Christmas Eve is a Saturday, but I’m still not going.) This is only weird because we’re not open on Christmas and a lot of people take off around the holidays because it’s a slow time for us and a lot of our vendors shut down completely then, so it’s not like there’s a good reason to try to entice people to work Christmas Eve.

  59. Zoe Karvounopsina*

    I just successfully organised an office bring food to share. We had the correct amount of sweet to savoury, and everyone was able to eat something! Whoo!

    It was also our secret santa. Everyone was vocally pleased with their gifts…except for one person, who is STILL proclaiming her dislike of her copy of ‘Hot Men with Baby Animals’. Apparently, she dislikes baby animals. No comment on the hot men.

      1. Zoe Karvounopsina*

        Even if a hot guy holding a baby animal killed your grandmother, you can at least pretend to appreciate it until you get it home…

        (She does not hide her reactions. My working life is backgrounded by her constant monologue of every thought or emotion she has ever had)

        1. Lauralyzer*

          OMG. I think you and I share a coworker.

          (Not really, because no one got a hot men + baby animals calendar recently, but the constant external monologue … yeah. Damn.)

    3. Murphy*

      Haha, I got that book at a white elephant exchange a few years ago. I think I brought it to Goodwill eventually, but I thought it was funny.

  60. HKM*

    Sadly I dont have anything hilarious, but notably in my first job, the Line Manager responded to an invite to the christmas party with a look of disgust and the words “I see you all plenty in work. Why would I want to see you OUTSIDE?”

  61. Ayla K*

    OldJob took everyone in the office out for a over-the-top fancy lunch at a nearby country club (one of the senior managers was a member.) Every admin got lavish gifts, managers gave speeches to thank their teams for another year of hard work, people were dressed in their finest, wine was flowing, and most people didn’t bother returning to the office afterwards. It was an awesome tradition.

    One year, the tables are set with delicious looking winter salads with cranberries and walnuts, when the senior manager climbs up on a chair and screams, “NO ONE TOUCH THE SALAD!”

    Turned out the water main broke at the club and they weren’t sure at what point it had become contaminated, so all the washed lettuce, the fruit, the silverware, and even the prepared entrees had to be scrapped. We ordered about 15 pizzas and ate them right out of the box and finished it up with some peppermint ice cream. It was gloriously memorable.

    1. Anna*

      That sounds like crazy fun and a much better story than “We all ended up with intestinal issues and everyone was vomiting or pooping and the office was closed the next day.”

      1. Ayla K*

        We were seriously probably only about 5 minutes from that version of the story. Plus, the pizza took so long to arrive that we went through twice the amount of wine we normally would have, so everyone was hungry but feeling good. It was a bright spot in an otherwise hellish work environment.

      2. SophieChotek*

        It reminds me of Anne Shirley when she suddenly tells Miss Stacy to not eat the…what was it pie? And Miss Stacy gasps and drops her fork…

        1. Lurky McLurkerson*

          Hahahaha yes! It was a pudding because Anne Shirley found a mouse in the pudding sauce and totally spaced and forgot to throw it away!!!

  62. Christmas party at a funeral home*

    I worked as a communications director at a conservative mega church I didn’t attend–and didn’t want to. It was, hands down, the most toxic place I’ve worked. Although my job was hugely involved and included supervision of lower level employees, my job title was still secretary because all the women, no matter their roles, were secretaries. So. That was cool. My boss (a “minister of administration”) kept telling me I was like a daughter to him while trying to peer down my blouse. A guy, or rather “minister,” in another department regularly sent out emails to literally everyone but me critiquing my appearance.

    Our Christmas party was held at noon at a funeral home–the funeral home where my grandfather’s service was held, in fact. The food was good. I chitchatted with the colleagues I saw regularly and with whom I was friendly and, since I had to be back at the office by 1:30 for an appointment, I hit the buffet. I sat down at an empty table. No one sat near me. Literally all the other tables filled up before two people came and sat at down as far away as possible. The head pastor handed out elaborately wrapped gifts. All the “secretaries” got copies of a book about being submissive wives. I was single.

    I left early and laugh/cried on my way back to the office. I quit in January.

    2. Lana Kane*

      That is awful, Glad you got out of there.

      Also, Christmas party at a funeral home is a good name for an album.

      1. Natalie*

        At my aunt’s funeral a couple of years ago the funeral home had a sign advertising it’s availability as a party venue, which mentioned both holiday parties and weddings. So apparently it’s a thing?

      2. Drew*

        I know, right? Funeral homes are for Good Friday parties.

        (I am going to hell, but I’m enjoying the trip.)

    7. Trout 'Waver*

      Please tell me they didn’t set up the buffet on the dias where they normally display the body…..

  63. Rhys*

    Many years ago I had an office holiday party that started with fancy cocktails in a very ritzy bar at the top of a very tall building. Everybody was allowed one drink so drunkenness is not excuse for the fact that on the very long, very packed elevator ride down a female member of another department put a visiting male executive’s finger in her mouth. Don’t ask me why or in what context because I have no clue, but it was very awkward for the remainder of the ride.

    3. Rhys*

      Oh I just remembered part of the context: he was pointing her finger at her and she just leaned forward and closed her mouth around it.

      At this same holiday party the company’s CEO was also in town and he decided to use the party as an opportunity to make us all go around in a circle and say where we saw the company in five years.

  65. Rincat*

    Not really noteworthy but I used to work at a private university that really hounded the employees about donating back to the school throughout the year. Christmas time was the worst, because we’d get some cheap gift and then a memo about how the best gift of all was donating to the endowment fund. The last year I worked there, we all got crappy mugs stuffed with glossy, full-color pamphlets of the most highly paid professors and VPs talking about how blessed they were to give back a portion of their salary. Uh, no thanks, not on my 25k/year admin salary.

    1. Manders*

      Schools and universities are the WORST about this. My partner was heavily pressured to “give back” to his university when he was a grad student making a tiny fraction of living wage. Now he’s working at a private school, and while they aren’t quite as pushy, they tend to spring donation requests on staff in public so it’s extra awkward to speak up in front of colleagues.

      1. Rincat*

        That is super awkward! The school I’m at now is pretty good about not being demanding, we get one pamphlet a year in our mailboxes, and it’s focused on the students instead of wealthy professors pulling guilt trips.

      2. STX*

        My husband is both a post-doc and a patient of the teaching hospital at his university, so we luckily get them from both ends. We always play-argue about whether it’s worse to beg for money from grad students or from cancer survivors.

      3. DJ*

        My grad school regularly asks me for money. Best part is that they recently added “Dr.” to the front of my name. I haven’t gotten my doctorate yet, so thanks for putting salt in that wound.

    2. Trig*

      Ugh, the worst. The “hey, you just graduated, surely you have lots of cash lying around” ask emails always seemed so tone-deaf to me. No, school, I already PAID YOU an exorbitant amount of money to attend. I do not want to give you more money.

      Maybe they were really aimed at the parents that the school assumed were paying for all of it and would be interested in some kind of legacy nonsense?

    3. SophieChotek*

      I agree. It’s bad enough when you’re an alumnus/alumuna are you are supposed to have had such an amazing experience. Whenever they call me I point blank say, “Well, when I have paid off my HUGE Student Loan that I got at your university” we can talk…

    4. Not This Admin*

      When I worked at large electronics company headquarters, everyone was pressured to participate in the United Way drive, so they could claim (yet again) that every single employee donated money. Sometimes managers would donate in their subordinate’s names, the pressure was so high.

      One of the charity raffles was lunch with the CEO (who disgracefully resigned after a certain degree on his resume could not be proven). At the time, I earned about $22k a year, and knowing what our CEO was being paid, I wondered what on earth we would have in common to discuss over lunch. I wondered whether I had the balls to ask what it felt like to receive twice my annual salary every paycheck. I just couldn’t fathom any conversation beyond polite “thank you for donating to the cause” and “thank you for your service to the company.”

      1. Rincat*

        I was doing my husband’s benefits enrollment last night and there was a selection for United Way! First time I’ve seen that. Which is kind of amusing coming from this company, where the CEO actually told the employees they weren’t getting bonuses one year because he needed the money for his vacation to Tahiti. He was serious.

        1. P*

          Oh nooo. Could have been my old boss–he had two cases of Veuve Clicquot (a client gift, worth ~$600) sitting in the entryway. He didn’t drink, but us three employees did and were all of age. Multiple times, he would walk by and go “ugh, I’m never going to drink these… I’m just going to have to toss them I guess.” Literally did not cross his mind that it would make a nice, no-loss gift for his severely underpaid employees.

      2. Anion*

        Tip: If you ever find yourself in a similar situation–or any situation where you’re having to make conversation with someone with whom you have nothing in common–ask about their favorite food(s).

        I have more than once managed to make an awkward dinner into an enjoyable (or at least comfortable) one with this question. Everyone has to eat, and everyone has likes and dislikes, and food is one of the few subjects that people don’t usually get infuriated when confronted with disagreement about. Plus, that can lead into conversation about best meals ever eaten or worst meals (more fun) or travel of Mom’s cooking or whatever.

        I mean, when it’s your CEO, you might want to ask career-related questions, and the one lesson they think is most valuable, and all of that, sure. But if that conversation runs out or they’re not forthcoming, or you want to break the ice first…ask about food. :-)

    5. Crystal*

      I won’t defend the tone-deaf or persistent begging or the inappropriate pressure, but you might be interested to know that it’s actually beneficial to the college or university for you to donate $1 because it increases the alumni / staff / student / whatever participation percentage and that helps bring in foundation grants. Many private schools have a policy to quit asking if you give any amount.

  66. thanks for the business card*

    In my Starving Artist phase I worked as a receptionist for an investment banker. I really hated the job and wasn’t particularly good at recognizing the voices of people who called screaming about their… whatever it was they were calling about. I was a terrible receptionist. We had a big holiday party for all our important clients that was allegedly “super fun” for employees and part of our bonus. It wasn’t. My absence of fun (okay, early 20-something surliness) was apparent to the boss’s drunk wife. She tried to get me to concede I hated my job. I wouldn’t but did mention my “real” job was art. She said I should do what she’d done. I tried to remember what Rich Lady Fake Job she had. She said she’d married money and hadn’t me HER PLASTIC SURGEON’S CARD. He could fix you right up, she said, and gestured toward my bustline.

    2. Lovemyjob...truly!!*

      WHAT. THE. HELL?!? If boobs are supposed to bring on rich husbands and success then I think mine are broken!

      1. Amadeo*

        Mine are quite ample and they don’t seem to be working for me in that area either, unless I want to get raked up and down by some dude’s eyes, or have said dude try to have a conversation with them. They’re pretty good for just plain getting in the way though.

        1. Lovemyjob...truly!!*

          Yes…things mine are good for:
          – back problems
          – the inability to sleep comfortably on my stomach – and I love sleeping on my stomach :(
          -leaving me broke when trying to find a good undergarment.
          – creating moments where perfect strangers think they are able to comment on my figure without one thought as to the fact that I am a human being with feelings which often leaves me feeling icky and gross.
          -creating moments where older family members and family friends have commented on my body (usually within earshot of my mother who did nothing!) which immediately put them in the creepy uncle/creepy family friend category forever and ever!
          – the occasional free drink when I was in my 20’s – but joke was always on them…I don’t drink. Now if they got me free appetizers?

          1. Kelly L.*

            Mine are also extremely good for your bullet point #3. I have also not been issued my rich husband, though I sure could use him, to help pay for the bras!

            1. Amadeo*

              Dillards! This time of year! Last year at their sales and New Year’s sale I walked right past the obscene line for their boots and actually found my first ever $5 36H bra. It’s ugly as hell (pale, fleshy sort of pink covered in flowers) but it’s comfy and it was $5.

              1. Rachel*

                A Nordstrom Clearance Center just opened in the Chicago area and it’s pretty much the best thing ever. I’m an extremely hard size to fit and I found a couple bras in my size for $5.97 each. (Normal retail price was between $65-$70.) They’re all in a bin and you have to dig around, but it’s so worth it.

                And the shoe deals, oh the shoe deals…

          2. P*

            Did you watch 30 Rock? One of my favorite lines, paraphrased:

            “Liz, he was trying to buy you a drink!”
            “Oh, I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?”

          3. JKP*

            The problem is that real boobs don’t hold stay perky and perfectly formed. I used to bemoan the fact that I couldn’t find decent bras and wonder why, considering all of the boob jobs people were having to get boobs my size. That’s when someone with ample fake boobs let me know that they stand up on their own without needing a bra. (Don’t know if that’s 100% true, just what one person with fakes told me.) I also never got a rich husband with them either.

          4. SongBird*

            brastop.com (I cannot recommend them enough!)

            Also, bravissimo.com and figleaves.com

            Seriously, my boobs have never been happier or better supported in well fitted inexpensive bras.

  67. Midge*

    I’m in grad school, and our department admin organized a nice opt-in holiday gift swap as part of our end of semester party. The theme for the gifts was relaxation. Everything was going well and it was fun to see what people thought was relaxing (chocolate, small toys, potted plants). Then we got to the one thing that had been brought as a gag gift. It was a deck of Donald Trump playing cards. (And we’re a very liberal leaning bunch.) It came across as lazy and a bit mean spirited. I felt badly for the person who picked that gift, especially because she sucked it up and didn’t swap with anyone (which would have been allowed by rules we were using).

  68. I order the pens...*

    My office party: thoroughly enjoyed at the restaurant of the local fine art museum- where the only oh S***! moment was my husband bring up B.J.’s right as the (very S***-faced) plant manger walked up to join us.

    Husband’s party: yearly event held at East Coast Resort town . Everyone goes because of the free booze and door prizes (legitimate work awards also given). This year I missed most of it because I had to leave when the hotel called because my dogs were freaking out. Interesting, they were sound asleep when I got to my room…
    Anyway this year’s invitation indicated collared shirts required and the owner’s wife actually went around complimenting all the guys on how wonderful they looked in their collared shirts. Couldn’t help but giggle because she is the epitome of the Southern Bless Your Heart stereotype and was a few mint juleps in…but I was still confused because I noticed no less than jackets and ties last year…Next year she needs to add, Remove your ball cap when indoors, not just during grace…(saying grace is not the least problematic to this crowd)
    Best dressed goes to the couple in matching camouflage cocktail gown and suit who then changed into matching camo lounge wear for the after-party party

  69. J*

    At my last job the 74 year old CEO would get up and give a rambling speech at the holiday party after a few too many drinks. A couple highlights included:
    “One of the big changes for the company is that there’s more women here now, which I know because they all talk back to me too often.”
    “Thanks to Bob for all his hard work on the grant, even though we didn’t end up submitting it to make the project a reality. That’s why I’ve been calling it the abortion grant… heh heh heh.”

    3. Anonicat*

      Best dealt with by making Offensive Utterance Bingo cards and passing them out to your colleagues before the speech.

  70. Cookie*

    I had just started at a new job a few weeks before Christmas. I was not long out of college and broke. I was invited to the department Holiday lunch at a fancy restaurant. Saying no was not an option. We had to pay for our own meal BUT our boss (to celebrate a huge new account) bought a bottle of Champagne to share. The Champagne cost more than the entire meal and I spent my only $20.00 for lunch.

  71. hiptobesquare*

    I am on the holiday meeting planning committee, where we have a party instead of a meeting. Fingers crossed!

  72. The Expendable Redshirt*

    Last year, one of my co-workers got trapped in an elevator for three hours at our Christmas party.
    There was a small crowd of people who would peer in the elevator window to observe this phenomena. We tried to keep her spirits up by waving, and holding up a sign promising that we would get her out of there.

    4. Maxwell Edison*

      As long as I had a book with me, I’d prefer being trapped in an elevator to attending most office Christmas parties.

    5. Emma*

      I feel both really sorry for your coworker (things like that are why I always carry along a book), and also really amused by the mental image of y’all.

  73. TotesMaGoats*

    So, it’s not a bad thing or weird but more funny. I was at an all day retreat cum christmas party with our whole department at department heads house. Everyone was having a great time and we were sitting down in various rooms to eat. The main dining room table had tall taper candles and a coworker leaned over to get something and caught her hair on fire! And didn’t realize it at first, none of us did. We got it out and didn’t burn all her hair off but she was mortified. There was no alcohol involved just misjudging distance.

    1. Lily in NYC*

      I did this at a party when I went to use the bathroom. I have long hair and didn’t see that someone put a candle on the toilet tank. I was definitely drunk and didn’t even notice and walked back into the party with my hair on fire and my boyfriend dumped a beer on me and doused the flames. Good thing I don’t use hairspray!

      1. Emma*

        That is the most awkward place for a candle. It only really makes sense if you don’t expect someone to use the toilet.

    3. manderw*

      This happened to someone at my senior prom. In the era of giant hairsprayed mall bangs. She had a little halo of flames for a moment before someone put them out. Fortunately there wasn’t much damage done.

  74. bemo12*

    Ugh, one year both of the bathrooms became clogged because so many people were vomiting from over consumption of alcohol.

    One year the director got drunk and told the GM she was getting fired after the holiday (which us upper management knew, but it was supposed to be confidential)

    And then last year I brought my husband to the 10 course meal and when many of the employees saw that I was a gay male (I don’t see non-management employees almost ever) I was not welcome to sit at any of the tables and was the butt of numerous crude jokes and outright harassment. Then someone had the courage to ask us which one was the woman in the relationship followed by someone asking how gay sex works. They also made fun of my husband for his accent (he’s chinese)

    Someone did make an HR complaint on my behalf and I was told that people were drunk so it’s not really their fault.

    I have requested to skip this year, but have been told by HR that it’s not optional for salaried management. Fun fun fun.

    2. Spoonie*

      I’m sensing impending car trouble. Or a family emergency. Or you’ve suddenly become violently ill.

      1. babblemouth*

        A microclimate just brought down a blizzard over his house, and his house only. Snowed in. What a shame.

    5. Future Analyst*

      I’m sorry people treated you and your husband like this. Drunk or not, this is not okay. :(

    6. Jenbug*

      I remember reading part of your story the other day. Ugh. It’s even worse with the additional details :(

      You should definitely have a “last minute family emergency” and skip the party.

    7. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      That’s absolutely vile. I’m so sorry that happened. At least one person was horrified enough to submit a complaint, but that doesn’t even begin to make up for the rest.

      You have our permission to push them all off a cliff. We’ll be your alibi.

    8. Happy Cynic*

      Wow it’s a good thing we LGBTers won’t have anything like job discrimination protections anytime soon

    9. Happy Cynic*

      HR *clearly* has zero say what you do with your free time at this point, OP. Skip this hellish party with these people who deserve something far less kind than your presence, and skip it with pride.

      Or hell show up wearing a giant damn rainbow flag.

    10. Observer*

      I think you need to mention the EEOC. You see, if your attendance is mandatory, then it’s work, and your employer has a legal responsibility to protect from harassment that it has reason to know will happen.

    11. Luciferrous Sulphide*

      Show up with partner.

      Wear rainbow shirts.

      Prance around like queens (or just be as flamboyant as possible).

      Subtly show signs of affection where you can (by that I mean feed him by hand, give him the occasional shoulder rub, peck on the lips… nothing too obvious, but just enough to make people uncomfortable).

      Watch it become optional next year.

    12. LawCat*

      I wonder how it would go over if you didn’t show up and when asked about it, tell them it wasn’t your fault because you were too drunk to show up. I mean, I know how it would go over, but I’d just like to see the expressions.

  75. Michele*

    Years ago at a previous job, I had a horribly incompetent, arrogant boss. We didn’t get holiday bonuses or sent home early. Instead, he would take us out for a mandatory dinner (after work) where our SOs had to pay their own way and we all had to buy our own drinks. He made a huge production out of how awesome he was for buying us dinner and we were expected to fawn over him and tell him how wonderful he was in return. He also would give inappropriate “awards” similar to Michael Scott’s, but this was before the Office was on the air. To top it all off, we were all expected to pitch in and buy him a present. He would sulk and pout for weeks if he didn’t get one for Christmas and Boss’s Day. However, he would forget what we had given him and before long start talking about this crappy thing that someone had given him and how he had regifted it.

      1. MsChanandlerBong*

        Seriously! I have been friends with my best friend for 23 years. In all that time, she has gotten me exactly two gifts that I actually liked.* Have I ever complained about them? Nope. I’ve pasted a smile on my face, thanked her for thinking of me, and then donated them to Goodwill.

        * She has this thing where she somehow thinks everyone likes what she likes. Last time she had a birthday party for her daughter, she insisted on serving ONLY punch. No water, no soda, no juice. I tried to tell her not everyone likes punch, and that some people might not even be able to drink it (allergies/diabetic restrictions/etc.), but I didn’t get through. Same thing with paint colors. She goes around and picks up free furniture, paints it, and then tries to sell it…except she doesn’t just stain the furniture something that would match a wide range of decorating schemes. She paints it with a flat purple wall paint and then wonders why no one buys it.

        1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

          Exactly. Not that that kind of thing isn’t annoying, because it is, but being rude about a gift given out of generosity is disgraceful. Give it to someone who can use it, and let it go.

          I couldn’t help facepalming at that second paragraph, because I’ve known people like that! They’re nice people and they will help you out if you need it. But they can’t seem to understand that people are different.

          To be honest, that’s a real shame about the furniture because if she’s good at painting it, then she’s losing out on making decent money. I mean, I wouldn’t mind a purple table or something, but most people wouldn’t. There’s definitely a market for nicely-painted furniture and I hope she does come around one day.

  76. A. Non*

    I have stories from every year’s holiday party/ event from old job. The best was when we went to Disneyland for the day. You would think Disneyland would be fun. However, the CEO had t-shirts made that he wanted all 32 employees to wear AND we had to stay together at all times. No going off in groups to go on rides which was really disappointing to about 1/2 the employees who had never been to Disneyland before.

    Because all employees had to stay together, I, as the mom of the office, was nominated by the CEO as having to sit with the employees who did not want to go on a particular ride and with 32 employees, there was often someone who needed a bathroom break or wanted to wait out a ride. So as you can guess, I did not have a great time. That is until the GC grabbed me and while I was supposed to be waiting for the group took me off to go on a roller coaster. All I can say is thank goodness California Adventure has cocktails everywhere because by the time I got there I really wanted one. It was a really long day.

    1. fposte*

      Wait, why did employees need somebody with them on bathroom breaks or sitting out a ride? Was your office staffed by preschoolers?

      2. A. Non*

        No. Everyone was an adult but the CEO was ADAMANT that no one could take off on their own and I was tagged as the enforcer. It was supposed to be fun and a team building type event (according to the CEO). It never made sense to me.

  77. Paloma Pigeon*

    No stories to share yet, but we are invited to the unofficial executive holiday party for a movie studio in LA. Wife of the exec is a style blogger. This brings a special sort of Angeleno sartorial hell – must be festive! but polished! but casual! but all the bigwigs are there! but low-key and effortless! but it’s featured on Goop! Ugh.

    1. SL #2*

      HAHAHA ANGELENO SARTORIAL HELL

      None of my non-LA friends understand my fashion pain when it comes to holiday parties in this city. And I loooooove shopping, okay.

      1. Manders*

        I’m so happy I live in Seattle. I think I was overdressed at my partner’s holiday party, and I was only wearing a business casual shirt, a vest, and dark pants.

        2. many bells down*

          I’m also in Seattle and my husband’s office just had a “prom themed” holiday party. But they don’t really care if you stick to the theme so people were in everything from ballgowns and tuxedos to flannel shirts and jeans.

          2. Manders*

            I chaperoned a high school dance last week, and ballgowns and flannel were both present in the room. I’m stuck in the PNW forever, I’ll never be able to readjust to another region’s fashion rules.

    2. fposte*

      Thank you for introducing a work specter I had never had to worry about–the need to present yourself acceptably for Goop coverage. Yikes.

      1. Trig*

        Yikes indeed! It’s one thing to feel underdressed by your own standards (“Host is totally judging me for wearing the same five-year-old dress as I wore last year, bleah.”) It’s an entirely different thing to know your frumpy outfit and unstyled hair might end up SNARKED ON THE INTERNET and reflect badly on your host!

        1. Paloma Pigeon*

          Oh you wouldn’t be shown – they’d be featuring the pinterest-level exposed wood tables salvaged from a closed lumberyard in rural Oregon covered with retro ornaments draped along artfully placed vintage chandeliers.

        1. Spoonie*

          Well. Depends on where in the South. In Dallas…sparkly and tight/short and boobs are apparently A Thing for some. Except I’m not that kind of girl for work functions.

          1. Future Analyst*

            Helloooo fellow Dallasite. I also don’t dress like that… I dress for comfort and warmth, and if it happens to be cute, great. Especially around colleagues– I don’t want anyone from work seeing me in something sparkly/showy. One cannot unsee a co-worker’s cleavage.

            1. NACSACJACK*

              Aint that the truth. It’s been 20+ years since I left FirstJob and I am still having flashbacks to one of my fellow programmer trainees wearing a suit and skirt set up with a ruby red camisole over her ample chest instead of a blouse or button up shirt.

            2. Spoonie*

              +1 to that. I saw things on Saturday that I cannot unsee. It made Monday morning in the break room…interesting.

    4. Marcela Brandao*

      What came to mind with your description is loose white trousers, and a cozy looking sweater with some metallic elements. We’re running into holiday dress confusion because its too warm this year to wear typical attire.

      1. Paloma Pigeon*

        Did I mention that the party in indoor/outdoor? : )

        To coat or not to coat….does said appropriate coat look good open, with outfit peeking out underneath? And let’s not get into open toed vs. non-open toed shoes….

        What if it rains?

        Need eggnog.

        2. Teclatrans*

          And this time of year is usually balmy, but this year there is intermittent rain and cold, so who the hell knows what weather you are dressing for.

          Sympathy from an LA expat.

        3. A. Non*

          Oh yes the to coat or not to coat dilemma is real in LA especially as most places do not have coat checks. Once, brought a coat to husband’s holiday party because it was raining and ended up stuffing it under a table because not a sit down party and no coat check.

    5. babblemouth*

      Thank goodness for Little Black Dresses. One of the true advantages of being a woman: when in doubt, you can always turn to an LBD. I don’t know how men do it.

      1. Spoonie*

        Navy suit is The Boy’s go to — fabric changes depending on season. Of the two of us, of course he’s the fashionable one. Damn him.

  78. DeskBird*

    Most years at my old job they would take us out to a (old, rundown) restaurant for a holiday luncheon. One year the boss got cheaper and declared that we would have a holiday potluck instead and told us he would bring a honey baked ham. We were all signed up to bring something, when someone in another office in the building (not the same company) told our Accounting Manger he was looking forward to the party. Turns out that the owner had invited some of his friends and other people that worked in the building to attend the party – but hadn’t asked them to bring anything – so basically we were catering an event for him. The managers flipped out a him so badly that he was eventually forced to go back around the building and un-invite people. The day of the party it turned out he had brought so little ham (and taken so much himself) that there wasn’t enough for our eight person staff to each have a slice.

  79. Alucius*

    I’m in academia at a small school and occasionally the generation gap between administration/faculty and students shows up. At our Christmas banquet, a senior administrator was MCing and he was reading an announcement pitched towards the students. He said something like, “if you’re sharing photos from tonight on social media, please tag them with…uhh….number sign…nameofinstitution.” He had no idea why everyone in attendance nearly killed themselves laughing. He also now knows what a hashtag is.

    2. SJ*

      I don’t know why I remember this, but there was an early episode of Glee where the school principal was introducing a song the glee club was going to perform at a pep rally, and he pronounced Ke$ha’s name “Key dollar sign ha.” (Back when she was stylizing her name that way.) It’s funny when older folk don’t get all the lingo.

    3. LawCat*

      I had a boss who got REALLY excited about “the blue tube” and wanted to show it to us. It was YouTube.

  80. Ann Cognito*

    A few years ago at a prior company, there was an org-wide lunchtime holiday celebration, so around 200 people there. The CEO was giving a speech, and part of it was recognizing some employees of the year. She was calling them up to present them with an award.

    One guy (good-looking, handsome) from one of the divisions came up, accepted his award and said thank you. Then as he was walking back to his seat all the way at the back of the room, we suddenly all hear, from the CEO: “hmmmm, nice” in this throaty, purring voice. Then “Oh, I forgot about the mic, sorry”. There wasn’t even any alcohol at the event!

    The guy just laughed, and nothing further was ever said.

  81. Anon Anon*

    I was once standing on stage in front of 300 employees and guests pulling names for raffle prizes when the CEO won. He accepted it too.

    1. Tempest*

      That’s terrible.

      At my other half’s Christmas event one year the CEO was on our table and there were raffle prizes. You had to pay for the tickets as the event had a few activities going on to benifit their charity of the year. The CEO bought a bunch of strips of tickets and then gave them all out to us on the table, saying up front it would be massively inappropriate for him to win a prize but he could afford to support the charity so he wanted to. Mr and I won a two night stay in a swish hotel off the back of the strip of tickets the CEO gave us. It was very generous of him to do so, it stopped any bad feelings about how Mr Big Boss scooped one of the biggest prizes and we NEVER win anything so it was really exciting for us. By giving the tickets out before the draw he isn’t playing favourites either.

      There was a raffle at my company, again to benifit charity and one of the owner’s family won a prize and did as your CEO did, he took it. The family all ‘work’ here but the definition of work is different in each case and in all cases a lean month isn’t going to mean they can’t afford food. I really thought the person should gracefully bow out and request that prize be redrawn but what can you do. Really they should have said if any of the family get drawn, just draw again straight away as we don’t want to take a prize away from the staff.

  82. NarrowDoorways*

    The company I work for (A) was purchase by a much bigger company (B) mid summer. Company B has been buying companies like crazy and had also purchased a company (C) near us in January. Company B decided to let every company in our region have a group party. Previously there’s only been 1 of B’s companies in the region (D), so they got to plan it.

    Company D sent out the invites 5 days before the party with a 1 day RSVP turnaround time. The party was in the same town as company D, whereas A and C were an hour and a half away, with a lot of staff living another hour in the opposite direction. :(

    No one from A or C went to the party.

  83. CAA*

    Yankee Swap gone awry — one of our younger employees grabbed the wrong gift bag from home. He was extremely embarrassed when the woman who got his gift pulled out lingerie and edible body paint. He managed to shout “no, stop, that’s my girlfriend’s” before she went any further into the bag. This story is a company legend now, and every year, the host asks if everyone is sure they brought the right gift before we start playing.

    2. kbeersosu*

      I wrapped all my gifts this year before realizing I didn’t have gift tags. I’m so happy I didn’t buy anyone anything embarrassing so I don’t end up like this poor guy :/

    3. Rebecca in Dallas*

      Oh no!!!

      Reminds me of the time we were celebrating my husband’s birthday. MIL gave him a card, which he opened and dutifully started reading aloud. “After all these years together, you still… um, Mom, I don’t think you meant this for me!” Turns out it was a romantic anniversary card for FIL, who has the same first name as his son (Sr/Jr) and she’d grabbed it by mistake! Awkward…

    5. P*

      That is hilarious. To be fair, I feel like that’s the right amount of embarrassing–just lingerie and body paint is pretty tame, at least he hadn’t gotten her anything specific to a particular taboo kink. Can you imagine?

      1. CAA*

        LOL, well we don’t know what else was in the bag … he was very anxious to stop her before she pulled out anything else.

        The poor guy was very embarrassed. He was kind of shy, and this was his first holiday party at his first professional job, and the CEO was there. He got over it and stayed with us for two more years and we all remember him fondly at every holiday gift exchange. The person who got the wrong gift was also a good sport about it, which helped.

  84. Amadeo*

    I don’t have anything completely outrageous, but I did have to laugh once. I went to work for a small locally owned print shop and during the interview was told ‘full benefits’ took the job and lo and behold, you didn’t get paid if you weren’t there to work, but the office closed for all the standard holidays (and two weeks at Christmas, paying the first of the year car insurance was fun).

    For my second (not even the first!) Christmas at the little booze-fest ‘party’ they liked to have I got a nice little thoughtful gift from the wife-owner, but a card from the husband-owner with $100 (which I’m not complaining about, it was $50 the first year) and a note “You will also receive one week of paid vacation!”

    Gee thanks guys! Since you’d neglected to mention ‘full benefits’ only meant ‘insurance help after a year and no PTO until you’ve earned it’.

      1. Amadeo*

        Yes, that’s true and I do that now, but knowing this guy like I know him now he would have lied to me anyway. I ask for or look for (since LastJob and CurrentJob are universities) something in writing now too.

  85. Volunteer Enforcer*

    I don’t know if this counts as weird. I’ve been tasked with writing a poem about a department for Christmas lunch next week.

    1. Nanc*

      Oh please post it in the Open Thread when you’re done! Can you work in a reference to Hanukkah Balls?

  86. bureaucrat#3*

    At my old office, we used to do a yankee swap-type gift exchange. One year I ended up with a USB plug-in “personal massager.” I think the gift was intended to be funny, but the joke definitely fell flat in a room full of mostly older and very formal office workers. It was definitely really awkward for me as the one to open it. No one ever admitted to bringing the massager, although I’m pretty sure I knew who did it.

    2. IT_Guy*

      I was at one of those Yankee Swap and one of the ‘players’ got a truly hideous ceramic monkey holding a bunch of bananas with a candy dish at his feet. This was at lunch-time, and once the lucky winner got back to his desk, he did a quick google search and immediately listed it on E-Bay and got $350 for it later that week!

      I still *snort* when I think of it….

    3. Guava*

      Haha, I got the same gift – except mine was a plug-in – and it wasn’t a joke! I didn’t see your story before I submitted mine. OMG.

    5. Anonymous for This*

      I went to one where the leader’s husband contributed a blow-up doll. Yes, *that* kind of blow-up doll.

      Then he and some of the other guys starting playing with it.

      The leader thought her husband’s behavior was amusing and all in good fun.

      At her team’s holiday party.

      I totally lost respect for her after that.

  87. Thanks but no thanks*

    Today was the office Yankee Swap and I received a Yodelling Pickle [https://mcphee.com/products/yodelling-pickle]. I’m trying to be a good sport, but I’m incredibly frugal and just don’t get the appeal of gag gifts! I think I’ll sit it out next year and just treat myself to a nice bottle of liquor instead.

    3. INTP*

      To me the appeal is that you go into the yankee swap/dirty santa/white elephant knowing that you spent $10 on a laugh and the experience of the whole funny ritual, and as long as it’s fun, you don’t feel ripped off. Trying to do Dirty Santa with legit gifts that people will enjoy tends to be disastrous – all anyone really wants are the gift cards and booze gifts, and people that put thought into selecting a gift are hurt that no one wanted their gift, and everyone who leaves without one of the most-wanted gifts feels ripped off that they brought a better gift than they received or guilty that they’re about to trash or regift whatever they wound up with.

      I totally understand not being into them though, and preferring to sit out.

    4. Cath in Canada*

      My former SIL (now divorced from hubby’s brother) got me one of those in the family Secret Santa once! It was funny for approximately 8 seconds and then sat in a drawer…

      …until the next time my parents visited. My Dad seriously LOVED it. It went home to England with him when they left. (Sorry, Mum!)

      1. Chrissie*

        yep, I am also fairly frugal, so the appeal of a trash White Elephant is that you can regift silly or hideous items and get some fun out of it. We used to do one amongst friends in college, and the rule was you couldn’t spend any money. It had to be something useless that was sitting in your home.

  88. Almond Joy*

    My favorite holiday party story was from last year. Work in a big city. Boss wanted our holiday lunch to be at a very small exclusive restaurant – think 12 tables. The office drives to the restaurant; looks in the window and all the tables are full. I turn to Fergus, the the Boss’s admin and ask if he had made reservations. Fergus looks to the sky, puts his finger on his chin and thinks very hard. He then shrugs and says he didn’t think he would need to make reservations. Seriously, the week before Christmas when all of downtown was having holiday lunches.

    We had to pile back into our cars and drive out of downtown to restaurant owned by a friend of the Boss. Fortunately, that restaurant had room for our group.

  89. AMPG*

    There was a series of small dust-ups one year at my old job around religion and the holiday party. I ended up in the middle of it because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. We usually had a big raffle with prizes donated by our vendors and the proceeds going to charity. We held a vote to determine the recipient, and the winner was a local after-school program for needy kids suggested by a director-level employee. Fine, right? Except that it turned out to be a Christian charity that had proselytizing to the kids it served as part of its mission statement (i.e. the after-school program was really a Bible study dressed up as a Boys & Girls club type of program), which she had conveniently left out of her pitch. I was the one who discovered this and raised an objection, so they added a second charity and let people pick which to donate to when they bought tickets. This same employee tried to get the planning committee to call it a Christmas party instead of a Holiday party because, “come on, everybody celebrates Christmas.” She said this to a Jewish member of the planning committee, who was not amused.

    1. Emma*

      Good on you for objecting. I’d be pretty damn pissed if my money ended up going to a religious charity without my fully-informed consent.

      The thing that gets me about this is that if she really thought there’d be no real objection to the donation going to a Christian charity, she had no reason to leave that off her pitch. The only reason to not mention it is that she knew some people wouldn’t be cool with it and was trying to slip it by. And yet, if I tried to pull that for a pagan charity, say, I’ve no doubt she’d be up in arms about how wrong that is.

      1. EmIpsaLoquitur*

        Yeah, the thing is that there are plenty of religious (of all religions) charities that do really good work and would be potentially good recipients. But if you think you need to hide the religious affiliation from your coworkers because the extent of that affiliation might not be something they’re comfortable with, then it’s clearly not a charity that should be considered for this sort of thing in the first place.

  90. MsMaryMary*

    Our holiday party is tonight. I’m not anticipating anything particularly noteworthy, but there will apparently be a game/activity. I was promised that it does not include singing or any kind of performance.

    It is also interesting that all of the “semi-retired” account executives are in today. There are people in the office today I haven’t seen in months.

    1. MsMaryMary*

      The game was that everyone was given half a greeting card, and you were supposed to mingle and find your other festive half. A few younger associates got really into the game and took it upon themselves to find people’s matches, so all the introverts managed to avoid mingling.

      The only thing of note is that a few execs decided to order some elderly scotch before the company-sponsored open bar closed. They made the server’s night and may have spoiled me for younger whiskey.

  91. The _artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

    I do have to comment on the best holiday party I ever attended.

    First year with a progressive company – great company. We get a “mandatory meeting all hands, the 16th floor auditorium/hall, 10 am tomorrow. If you are in the office you must attend”…

    I worried, everyone said “don’t”. We go down there, doors closed. 10:02 the doors open.

    CEO and CFO are there, with aprons on, standing behind a row of turkeys, holding carving knives. The CEO says , “what the hey, are you gonna just look, or EAT? C’mon in, get it while it’s warm!” Have to say that year was the greatest Christmas ever –

    Later that year, the CEO saw me working late, saw him on the elevator. “Catching up, going on va-ca tomorrow, England!” I’m at my desk – a half hour later, the phone rings. “Anon-2, this is . I’ve got an extra sandwich here, come on up, the 24th floor… ”

    Chatted for 15 minutes with him over a sandwich. Wish all execs could be like that.

    1. Ayla K*

      After reading this whole thread and gasping/laughing multiple times, this one almost made me collapse into happy tears. Your company and exec team sound like heaven compared to some of the wackjobs mentioned above.

    2. babblemouth*

      This sounds really nice, though I must say, digging into the turket at 10am sounds waaaayyyy to early for me. I would have no appetite yet!

      1. P*

        Oh, you’re lucky. I’m starving around 10:15 and spend the next two hours fantasizing about what I’m going to eat until it’s socially acceptable to go get lunch.

    3. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      What great people. Things like this go such a long way to retaining employees (as well as simply being nice things to do).

  92. Malibu Stacey*

    They laid off my counterpart in October as part of a company wide reduction. I am now an admin supporting more people than any other admin in the company without any extra compensation (pretty much twice as much work). One of my coworkers took it upon herself to plan the holiday lunch a to “help [me] out” and ordered the only kind of food I really don’t like, to be delivered. Long story short, all the work for the lunch has fallen to me including going to pick up the food on Friday where the high will be a whole 15 degrees and snowing.

  93. Trig*

    My partner’s Old Company did a dinner every year. It was always pretty nice, at a decent restaurant, and did nice things like magically forgot to collect the ‘spouses can come but have to pay’ fee, and provide table wine and a limited number of free drink tickets. The suburbanites usually didn’t even drink theirs and handed them off to the millenials in the crowd, so we’d gladly take the free drinks, then head to a different bar after everyone dispersed to get properly smashed on our own dimes sans manager.

    So yeah, pretty decent and usually tame (even if they routinely gave out envelopes with a ‘thanks for your work, sorry no bonus this year’ note which made the “we’ve done so much work and had so many successes this year!” speech a bit disingenuous).

    One year, however, stands out. It was the Year of the Rap. Yes. Rap. Two fifty-something white-as-snow managers, one with a thick Quebec accent, ‘rapping’ into a spotty microphone, forgetting their lines while trying to extol the team’s accomplishments.

    The horror. The horror.

      1. Troutwaxer*

        “But the drum-beat strains on your blouse remain
        In the rhythm of the old exec
        It’s a work thing so you have to listen
        And he sounds just like Quebec
        In the Year of the Rap”

    2. many bells down*

      My husband’s boss, a skinny nerdy programmer who is usually SO quiet you can’t hear him from a foot away … raps “Baby Got Back” at the holiday parties. It’s oddly hilarious to see him do something so out of character.

  94. Guava*

    I worked in an office that did a Secret Santa exchange where your Secret Santa would present you with your gift in front of everyone, and then you were expected to unwrap it in front of everyone.

    I had recently moved to this office, and there was a coworker who seemed perfectly nice and professional, except that I’d caught him staring at me from time to time. Since he never did anything weirder than that, I brushed it off.

    He was my Secret Santa, though, and when I unwrapped my gift…it looked a lot like a vibrator. Turns out it was a “shoulder massager” that plugged into a wall outlet. Still looked like a vibrator. I was like, “Huh.” Everyone else was already pretty drunk, though. Luckily, he took the brunt of the brutal teasing on that one. I ended up giving it away to a friend as a joke.

    1. Babs*

      for some reason my mind pictured this quiet guy purchasing the present…in a quiet yet creepy yet thoughtful way and then staring at you from a far as you unwrapped his thoughtful quiet gift. ((It plugged into a wall outlet??!? what was his thought process on this gift?))

      1. Guava*

        That’s pretty much exactly how it went! He was definitely quiet, thoughtful and a little bit creepy. He would stare like he was a starving dog and I was a warm meal. But then, whenever I had to work with him on anything he was very competent and professional. I think he blushed when I opened the present…and then there was a horrible silence…and then the owner of the company yelled, “Holy shit, ‘Doug’, why’d you get her a vibrator!” and the entire office started laughing.

        I still don’t know what the thought process was. Scratch that. I don’t think I want to know…

  95. Cake Wad*

    My company had a cookie swap for our holiday party. One coworker groused and groused about having to bake cookies, as he felt like it was something that he wasn’t very good at and didn’t want to be forced to participate in. We reassured him that he could just get storebought cookies and call it a day. Instead, he stayed up all night baking the most perfect apple pie you have ever seen or tasted.

    2. P*

      This is actually really sweet. It seems like he was genuinely complaining because he didn’t feel like he was good at it, not because he was a grouch who didn’t want to participate.

  96. Hannah*

    Last year I was working at a law firm where we had a normal Christmas gathering at a nice restaurant. Afterwards, one of the bachelor Partner attorneys invited the “cool kids” to his penthouse condo (along with his other rich friends) and had a wild party – endless bottles of liquor/wine – strippers – people passed out on his floor at 4am. I even got to meet a few porn stars!

  97. jaxon*

    This is not a debacle exactly, but it just happened yesterday and I’m a little embarrassed.

    We had an ugly sweater contest at work and a good half of our 100+ employees participated.

    I have a new coworker who I don’t know well, but who is a lovely young woman. She was wearing a VERY ugly top, not a sweater but more like a blouse, covered in sequins and Christmas-y designs. I said hi to her and mentioned jokingly that she couldn’t win the contest since she wasn’t technically wearing a sweater. She kind of laughed and said, oh no, I have a meeting with a client today and I wanted to dress up a little bit. IE, this is what I actually wore to work today.

    I’m pretty sure she wasn’t offended (I didn’t say it offensively) but I was kind of mortified afterward.

  98. Not Karen*

    Kind of funny in a good way: A couple years ago our team had a gift raffle during the holiday lunch. Except they either did a bad job at counting or fewer people attended than expected because there were more gifts than people so everybody ended up “winning.” They got down to the last few slips of paper, saw how many boxes there were left, and were like “Oh… Oops.”

    1. Delyssia*

      More gifts than people is a better outcome than having one fewer gift than you have people! I was skimming quickly and was sort of expecting it to be an “everyone wins” situation gone wrong, because they’re one gift short.

    3. Dirk Gently*

      At our last Christmas party, they had way more raffle prizes than usual. This seemed great, until my colleague was called up to collect a prize, and came back to our table almost crying with laughter. She’d “won” a t-shirt and umbrella donated by a local vendor… that several of us used to work for… and that we left in part because the owner pulled a bunch of us off our real jobs to focus on designing t-shirts to give away as freebies, then overruled all the good ideas and used his own. His own designs included sexual innuendos and incorrect quotations.

      This vendor had donated a lot of prizes. All the umbrellas broke after about 3 uses – our office garbage cans were full of them for weeks. My colleague displayed her t-shirt in her office as a reminder of how much better our current jobs are than our old ones.

      1. Dirk Gently*

        (p.s. Alison, I know this isn’t anywhere near as good as some of the other stories so this is a moot point, but just in case: please don’t use this in any best-of articles that get posted on another site – it’s a little too identifiable! I feel safe this far down the thread though!)

  99. WhichSister*

    There was the Christmas where I discovered I had an almost Fiance I didn’t know about.

    I was an instructor at a University. Our College had its annual Christmas party which was always fun and included the deans working the bar. The dean’s wife came up to me and was asking about the new job I was leaving for at the end of the semester. How I liked such and such movie that I had recently seen and about my dog. This was not super personal info but it was odd to me that she knew it because the Dean and I weren’t that close. It was a bit unsettling.

    Well, I had gone to see that movie with one of the professors “Fred” who was a few years younger than me. He was a nice guy but it was more like a hey I want to see this movie, he me too. It was definitely a dutch evening. We had gone another time to see a band at a club. Again…. he paid for the tickets but I paid our club fee. We were in the same fantasy football league and had a friendly bet going. But I maybe ran into him twice a month. I found out at my going away party 2 days later what had happened. As the bachelor in the college, Fred was invited to the dean’s for Thanksgiving and told them he and I were all but engaged (as well as all the personal info about me) but I was spending Thanksgiving at my parents. Which was funny,, although I was legally separated from my husband at the time, I wasn’t divorced so not in a hurry to remarry and definitely not to Fred. Evidently, The dean had asked my department head what was going on between Fred and WhichSister, how were we going to handle our relationship with me moving to another state. My department head was left speechless.

    Since I left, my friend let me know Fred was dating another instructor. My response “does she know.” Last year they got engaged. Again “does she know.”

    1. Emma*

      Oh man, maybe this is just me, but this is one of the creepiest stories. I wouldn’t have handled that well at all.

    4. SSL*

      Similar thing happened to a friend of mine. At some point I discovered that one of my best friend’s girlfriend was working for my MIL (total surprise – ‘what a small world’ conversation when we figured that out). One day, my MIL mentioned my friend’s wedding engagement. I didn’t know what she was talking about. She said that the girlfriend was talking about her engagement in the office and showing her new engagement ring to everyone she worked with. So next time I saw my friend I nicely teased him about not bothering to tell me about his engagement. Turns out, he didn’t know he was engaged either.

  100. David*

    Our Xmas party was always on Christmas Day because we offered an emergency service. To try to make up for it the bosses would keep a tally of how many people called to see if we were really open on Christmas (about 30% of our calls) and whoever got that number in the raffle got a fancy prize (everyone got something)

  101. anon holiday swap*

    We had a “Dirty Santa” exchange at this particular office, 12 or so people, $25 limit, alcohol, chocolate or gift cards.

    The new part time receptionist, a family friend of the big boss, contributed a Himalayan Salt Lamp to the swap.

    A little odd, but whatever.

    The unlucky recipient plugged it in at home, in her kitchen, and it shorted out a whole circuit. Cost her something like $700 for the electrician to repair. Inspection of the packaging of said salt lamp revealed that it was regifted, and about ten years past the original purchase date.

    Receptionist didn’t last much longer (3-4 months total). She had needed the job because she was a single mother of two teens, and she left to go spend two months helping rebuild something in Hawaii, after asking boss to hold her job for her when she came back. He declined.

    1. TeapotSweaterCrocheter*

      Is that what “Dirty Santa” means??? I have been so scared of my new department’s holiday party (tomorrow night, although at a really nice fancy restaurant) because the invitation reads as follows:

      “It’s time to celebrate. We’ve made it through the year. Now let’s all get together and have some Christmas Cheer. The Spirit of Dirty Santa is going to show his face. Surely there will be lots of laughter, all about the place! Bring one gift, a special one. It can be naughty or it can be nice. Don’t spend a lot of money, though. It’s not about the price.”

      I have only ever heard of “white elephant” and “Yankee swap”… so if a “dirty santa” is just a Yankee swap with things like alcohol allowed, that makes me feel a LOT better. My gift, since it’s too late to change it, is multiple funny notepads from Knock Knock/Fred & Friends (think sticky notes that say “Crap”, “More Crap”, “Utter Crap”).

      1. Anion*

        I have a sticky note pad that says, “Write that shit down.” I love it. I think your gift sounds amazing!

  102. Anonymous for this one!*

    This year, my HR department sent a mass email about the company holiday luncheon and ugly holiday sweater day. The clipart chosen to decorate this missive was chosen in haste and not closely examined. At first glance, it was a small image of a sweater with a snowman on it. Upon closer examination, though, the snowman had an extra carrot and two extra lumps of coal artfully arranged on its lower half. I did not expect to get snowman dick pics from HR! (In general, we are a sane, appropriate workplace where something like this would never happen on purpose.)

  103. Nonprofit pro*

    I was a coordinator at my last job, supporting one director. Her boss also managed a team of three at a different location. Bigboss is on the phone with my my boss and tells her all about the amazing lunch she took her other team to at a ritzy steakhouse in downtown and then gave them all gifts and sent them home early. She then mentions that she will be at our work location the next week (week before we take off for the holidays) and for us to mark it on our calendars. We get excited, usually Bigboss is not a nice person, but a nice lunch is a nice lunch, right?
    Day comes and I am told that she only wanted to take my boss with her. I’m a little hurt, but get over it, looking forward to hearing about what place they will go. 1.5 hours later my boss returns and just starts laughing uncontrollably. Bigboss took her to a fast food chicken place.

  104. Lemon Zinger*

    Today is the office potluck. It’s being organized by a woman whose personal hygiene is somewhat lacking. I did not contribute to the potluck and am using that as my excuse for not participating. I’m just waiting for someone to get food poisoning… because it’s going to happen.

    1. NarrowDoorways*

      We’ve got a coworker who is…just filthy. Food stains down his front all the time, restroom problems that mean the front of his pants are usually damp. He ALSO has a terrible habit, at every even, of putting his bare hands in the ice bucket. I don’t know why. There are utensils…

  105. Definitely anonymous!*

    -Last year, the head of HR got drunk (well a lot of people got drunk but anyway) and kissed a female coworker on the lips. As far as I know, female coworker was not an unwilling participant
    -2 coworkers were not invited to the party. Just 2. Everyone else was invited to the corporate headquarters party or to a closer geographic main office’s party
    -Hearsay since I didn’t see it-apparently the new CFO said all his payroll workers were lazy, at the Christmas party gift exchange, in front of everyone
    -Owner and owner’s spouse usually give out odd presents-sometimes used, sometimes from flea markets. This year, spouse went around the room and asked everyone what they like to read, then at the gift exchange, everyone got a used book FROM THEIR OWN BOOKSHELVES for Christmas. This was apparently their way of cleaning out their bookshelves.

    1. Definitely anonymous!*

      This might not be clear. From the owner and spouse’s own bookshelves, not the employees’ own bookshelves.

      1. Turtlewings*

        As someone whose father once took a book off my own bookshelf in my room, wrapped it and gave it to me for Christmas, I’m glad you clarified that!

          1. Turtlewings*

            Well, I’ll admit I left some information out for comedic effect. The actual gift was that he’d repaired the book, which sorely needed it. But boy did I have a few minutes’ consternation when I first opened it and recognized MY BOOK. XD

            1. Emma*

              Oh, that does make more sense! I was picturing him trying to be all sneaky, like, “Haha! Turtlewings will never notice!” and it was … odd.

        2. Fiona the Lurker*

          My father once went through my bookshelves and turned around anything with a vaguely sex-related title (histories of homosexuality etc.) so that nobody would know I was reading such disgusting stuff. I was in my forties, married, and living in my own house at the time…

          1. SSL*

            I hired a cleaning service for the first time and when they arrived it was a small team of tiny elderly grandmother-like ladies. When I got home, the place was clean but then I glanced over to my bookcase and one book was stuck in backwards. I walked over and discovered that someone on the crew must have been uncomfortable with my Salmon Rushdie ‘Satanic Verses’ book. LOL

  106. Pup Seal*

    Not too weird or terrible, but two weeks ago, my boss decided to put together a Christmas lunch last minute and sent an email over an weekend asking what food we all would want catered. I’m an hourly employee, so I don’t read my work email over the weekend. When I opened the email on Monday, he had already decided what food to cater (luckily the food choices were fine by me).

    This lunch was on a day where my boss, supervisor, and I were supposed to have a meeting early afternoon. Because boss put everything together last minute, he couldn’t get the cater to come until 15 minutes before the meeting, and instead of rescheduling the lunch or the meeting, he decided to go ahead and cater.

    Luckily the cater came 25 minutes before the meeting, so I got to eat quickly, though I was a bit sad I couldn’t socialize with the other staff and enjoy our Christmas lunch. Also annoying, I had nothing to contribute to the meeting, so there was no point for me to be there. At my job, it’s very common to get pulled into meetings where you’re not needed, and I knew that would happen. On the bright side, the french silk pie was good.

    2. KR*

      I was so mad one day because I was supposed to go to a professional development event one day and had been looking forward to it for months. Not only had it been on the calendar for months but I was taking a coworker with me that didn’t have a license and wouldn’t be able to go to this development otherwise. My boss decided that we should have a meeting that day in the middle of the day that lasted a half an hour, so I could only go to the morning session of the professional development which wasn’t incredibly useful to us. I literally had nothing to contribute to the meeting and we didn’t even decide anything new. Later he asked me how the development went and I told him, and he said, “Well that’s not very helpful to us, Afternoon Session 1 and 2 would have been the one for us.” like I had purposefully not gone to that one!!! Off topic but I’m still sore about this.

      1. Emma*

        I’d be pissed, too. Did you point out to Boss that his meeting was why you couldn’t go to those sessions, or would that not have been a good idea with your boss?

    3. Anonicat*

      I had to Google french silk pie but I’m so glad I did. Especially since the recipe I looked at included the instruction, in bold:

      It’s very important at this stage to lick the bowl.

  107. Pebbles*

    At our Saturday night office party one year we had name tags for everyone. CEO couldn’t make it for some reason but his name tag was there. After a few drinks (open bar) Manager picks up CEO’s name tag, puts it on, and then goes walking around to random people saying things like “I’ve heard good things about you over this last year, and I’m giving you a 20% raise.” We’re a decent sized company, so not everyone knew Manager was not the CEO and were stunned!

    Fast forward a month later to our all employee quarterly meeting. CEO kicks off the meeting with a picture of Manager wearing his name tag and holding a drink in each hand. CEO says “I’m sorry but whatever this man may have told you, the company will not be able to honor it.” I love working in a place where people have a sense of humor!

  108. Pwyll*

    At 2 PM on a Tuesday the owner came out of his office and proclaimed “Surprise Holiday Party! Everyone close up! Let’s go!” Everyone was very confused as a party had been scheduled for the next week by his assistant, and everyone had meetings and calls scheduled the rest of the day. He was displeased that everyone was taking so long to leave as they raced to cancel their meetings with clients.

    He took everyone to a crowded bar with no reservations, and proceeded to approach people one by one, take them to the side, and give them a performance evaluation and raise. Then he asked for comments regarding his management of everyone in a way that clearly meant “only the positives please”. In a room so loud you couldn’t hear. One employee literally started to cry because she was so frustrated with him, and her job, and he basically stole her opportunity to give constructive feedback to him. She had apparently spent a lot of time researching to give a well-preserved eval and request a promotion. Another employee literally quit on the spot, because her raise meant she was being paid less than her intern (they had announced the intern pay bump the week before to “attract better kids”).

    It was so weird.

  109. So Anon*

    Last year I went to my husband’s office holiday party where the (drunk) CEO got on the microphone gave out “awards.” One was “most likely to hook-up with a coworker” which was given to the (married) Director of HR. I couldn’t believe it.

    1. Amber T*

      I would love to read a letter from your director of HR (assuming he/she isn’t the type of person to hook up with a coworker) about the crazy boss tarnishing their reputation. I wonder what would be the advice given? (Assuming the question is, what the hell do I do now?)

  110. the.kat*

    At the first Christmas party I attended, the hostess stood up to read a Christmas story (this is a religious non-profit, so no worries there) and proceeded to babble about her holiday traditions with her kids, even breaking down in tears once. Then, at the end of her heartfelt speech, she singles out me and a coworker, the only two single people at the party and says, “someday when you’re married you’ll have holiday traditions of your own.”

    What can you do except smile and nod?

    1. Turtlewings*

      Obviously single people don’t celebrate Christmas at all. We spend the entire day of December 25th staring at a blank wall and looking forward to the day we become full-fledged human beings.

      4. Mints*

        Also being married is the only possible definition of “family.” My mother, grand parents, siblings, aunts & uncles, and approx. 500 cousins are just weirdos who I have no traditions with

    2. Emma*

      I’m now really tempted to call my brother and tell him that him decking out his Christmas tree with all Grandma’s old ornaments can’t be a tradition because he’s still single.

      I mean, I could buy the argument that my holiday rituals aren’t traditions yet because I made them up out of whole cloth (mostly), but that’s because mine are new, not because of my marital status.

  111. Harmonic Penguin*

    I was working on a movie that was filming over Xmas. It was an indie movie – not a huge budget, but was a vanity piece for the lead star. Her very wealthy husband was paying for the whole movie to give her something to do. Needless to say it was a shitshow. But the crew got on well, and the production company saddled with this unwieldy gig were good people (unlike the star and her entourage which included a couple of her friends as ‘Producers’) so we all muddled through.

    We had a week and a half off over Xmas and NY, and right before, the star threw a holiday party for us all. It was at a restaurant, and there was an open bar and a huge buffet of food. We felt appreciated for the first time in weeks.

    Then the weird gift giveaway began. In the Star’s culture, you have a tradition of giving away gifts in a random surprise lucky dip at holiday parties, so that’s what happened. Except the gifts were huge – ipod touches, ipads, $1,000 cash, and several of each one.

    The Production company who were cool, were forced to play along, but they started getting more and more embarrassed as they crew got more incredulous at this display of opulence on a movie that never had the budget for anything, and even worse had a whole bunch of interns, working really hard for free (Star – “we have no salary to pay them!”), who were all in attendance at this party. I won an ipod touch, and a day player (not even regular crew) won the $1,000 that we all really needed.

    The worst part? The week after we came back in the New Year, all our paychecks bounced, because the lucky dip gifts had been bought from the money the Star’s husband had provided for the film, and because the Star’s ‘Producer’ friend had bought plane tickets and gifts for his boyfriend with the company credit card and wiped the account clean.

    This movie has never seen the light of day.

  112. Baffled*

    I once had a coworker who lodged a complaint with her manager’s manager that her manager was making her take her hours to Christmas countdown (yes hours, not days) off a whiteboard that was needed for something else. Wasn’t even like it was the week before Christmas at that point, pretty sure it was at least a month before

  113. Maxwell Edison*

    Back at ToxicJob, one day my department got an e-mail about a meeting we all had to attend. It was close to Christmas, the font in the meeting invite was festive, and there were pictures of poinsettias at the top of the e-mail. So we figured it was a mini-party of some sort.

    Nope. We all sat down and the department head told us that feedback scores were dismal and morale was in the tank, and that we were going to hash out all the issues now, at this meeting. Because most of the morale issues were because of terrible management and the managers were sitting right there in the meeting, all the non-managers sat with hands folded and eyes downcast, refusing to say anything. Department head finally twigged to this and sent the managers out of the room, and we did bring up some issues, but it was awkward to say the least. It became known as “the holiday party that wasn’t.”

  114. StartupLifeLisa*

    My first year at Teapot Startup, there was a large holiday party budget and the CEO’s EA was a former employee of Wolfgang Puck. So, he planned a 13-course dinner catered by Wolfgang Puck’s team of chefs, and rented out a mini-mansion for everyone to enjoy and lounge all day while waiting for the fancy dinner. Midway through the day the house needed to clear out so the chefs could prepare on the lower level, so a party bus arrived to take the team downtown for a few hours of ice skating and bowling…

    Despite the “no glass bottles or cans” rule on the party bus, of course everyone smuggled liquor onboard and were shitfaced by the end of the ride. The CEO started rolling blunts and handing them out, the CTO got so drunk we lost him & when we found him after it was time to leave, he no longer knew where his shoes were, and one of the engineers threw up on the bus.

    By the time we made it back to the mini-mansion for dinner, 4 people were already so far gone that the EA called their spouses to pick them up. The remaining crew were so drunk they began throwing the table decorations at each other, horrifying Mr. Puck’s team of executive chefs, who promptly took away the decor. Then came the meal with 13 courses and 13 cocktail pairings…

    The CEO wanted to make a point that he’s not “fancy,” so he declined all the catered food, drank all 13 cocktail pairings, started a game of Quarters (which he handily won) at his end of the table, and at the end of the night, he went across the street for a greasy fast food burger.

    It’s good to be King, apparently.

    1. KR*

      I’m at DGAF stage at my job currently and enjoy making less subtle marijuana references around the office to my team who I’m sure have long suspected that I’m a “cool” boss, but haven’t wanted to ask.

    4. A. Non*

      Let me guess…. a start up?

      Your CEO sounds like someone I used to work for who I can see starting the game of quarters. This is a great story.

    6. MissGirl*

      I think this one makes me more sad than all the others. All that glorious food wasted on people too hammered to enjoy. Sadness. :)

  115. DCGirl*

    I have another one….

    Two jobs ago, the company had a big event with a DJ in a hotel ballroom. Spouses were invited as well, and there was a special room rate if didn’t want to drive home. By coincidence, it was the hotel where my husband and I had gotten married, so we decided to spend the night and reminisce.

    For some unknown reason, the CEO of the company really thought that it wouldn’t be a party without a Tom Jones impersonator, so the HR manager organizing the party found a Tom Jones impersonator. Said impersonator proceeded to walk around before his show and hand out pairs of thong underwear to women in attendance so that they could throw them at him during his show, as women are said to do during performances by the real Tom Jones. If you didn’t know that that there was a Tom Jones performance coming up, you had no idea why this strange man with his shirt unbuttoned to his waist was handing you a pair of panties and telling you to toss them on stage when he sang “What’s New Pussycat?”

    Rule: There is no circumstance, including a performance by a Tom Jones impersonator, at which thong underwear should be handed out at an office Christmas party. Just saying.

    The CEO of the company, rather than wear a cocktail dress as all the other women did, wore fancy brocade slacks with a matching crop top and really, really didn’t have the abs to pull of that look. My husband, to this day, will occasionally comment on the CEO showing her flabby stomach at that party with a look of wonderment. Well, the time came to throw the panties up on stage. The CEO, rather than toss hers, decided to put them on her head and wear them that way all night. My husband has continued to remark on that through the years as well.

    The next morning, at breakfast, we encountered a very, very hungover CEO in the line for the breakfast buffet.

      1. Ismis*

        Same!! And I hope sometimes there is a day where we can all feel free to show off our abs when we can’t really carry it off and wear panties on our head without any judgement :)!

      1. sgkh*

        A former coworker used to dress up as Elvis for church parties or something. The person planning our holiday potluck thought it would be fun to have him perform. I can’t un-see him in his tight sequined jumpsuit as he performed.

    3. LawPancake*

      I used to work catering at a hotel that would annually bring in a Tom Jones impersonator… I was 18 and had NO idea why these middle aged women were tossing panties at him.

        1. Anion*

          Are you from St. Louis?! I am! (Where did you go to high school?)

          Heh, my husband and I occasionally have conversations about where we might like to live when we move, or what places might be cool to live, and one day he pointed out to me that I have a habit of dismissing every midwestern city he brings up with, “Well, but it’s not as good as St. Louis.” (He learned early on that to suggest Kansas City, or anyplace in Kansas or near Kansas, is blasphemy.)

          I have a friend who grew up in Nebraska, and she says Nebraskans feel the same way about Iowa. Lol.

    4. Temperance*

      Oooooh you just reminded me of my first holiday party with Booth. It was a small company with family ownership … so basically, a bunch of totally unqualified people were put in positions of power. The head of HR was the owner’s cousin.

      The head of HR was one of those women who is in her fifties but finds herself to be very young and quite sexy. She apparently liked flirting on the job. Whatever. The reason that I say all of this as backstory is that at this particular holiday party, she had stuff herself into her TEENAGE DAUGHTER’S MINIDRESS. It was from Deb and was this shiny reddish-black fabric with a huge bow on her hip. I will give it to her that she was quite thin, but the dress was amazingly inappropriate. If she sneezed, we would have seen the panties that I’m sure she wasn’t wearing … because she damn sure wasn’t wearing a bra.

      Did I mention that her 14-year-old was at the party?

    5. Jean*

      “the CEO of the company really thought that it wouldn’t be a party without a Tom Jones impersonator”

      Obviously.

  116. Creeped out on Christmas*

    This happened just this morning.

    I work at a smallish (35 employees) start up, and I’m the youngest employee we have (at 23). There are a few other people closer to my age in other departments, but in the department I work in all but one of my coworkers are old enough to be my mother or grandmother. My eldest coworker realizes this, and every once in a while I get the feeling that she wants to treat me as her granddaughter. She hadn’t done anything too out of place until today, the day we’re throwing our Christmas party. Coworker came in this morning, fully decked out for the holidays, and brought in holiday-themed earrings and necklaces for anyone who wanted to borrow them for the party. She made it clear as I was looking through them that she wanted anything we took returned, which I agreed to and borrowed a pair of ornament earrings.

    A few minutes later, she came by my desk and offered to let me keep them if I wanted. It was very sweet of her, and I thanked her… and then she requested a kiss on the cheek as thanks. I was too shocked to not, but the whole thing made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I have a feeling I’ll throw away the earrings when I get home this evening…

      1. Creeped out on Christmas*

        Update:

        Walking back to the office from the Christmas party this evening, she came up to me and made a comment about how pretty the earrings looked on me. I said something facetious along the lines of “Oh yeah, this lady gave them to me but she’s kinda cool sometimes” and she responded with “She sounds crazy!” No freaking kidding.

  117. MustNotBeNamed*

    Usually, my boss gives us each a nice card and a Visa gift card for around $150. This year, we still got the handwritten cards, but instead of the gift card, we each got….a stone. A tiny stone apparently meant to bring prosperity to business. Not saying that they OWED us the gift card, but honestly, I would’ve been happier with nothing.

      1. It's Business Time*

        It is all in the reviews, they are hilarious… “Dang, you picked your snotty sister-in-law for Christmas. This is the perfect gift for someone who deserves a lump of coal. Obviously, that would be rude but luckily Nordstrom’s has this item “coal in disguise”. you would rather buy coal for. It’s a gift that says, “I really don’t like you.”

  118. Tala*

    I used to work in account management in corporate financial services where wining and dining clients was the norm, so our xmas party was a turbo speed raucous affair to say the least. One year we had the party at lunch, and had to return to the office for a couple hours after (in body if not in spirit). Our office was open plan but desks were separated by desk-height filing drawers that held paper client files (this was in the early 00’s). That year my cube neighbour had had bariatric surgery, lost an impressive amount of weight and apparently wasn’t aware of the issue around alcohol tolerance post-surgery. She managed to get back to her desk just in time to pull open the filing drawer between our desks and throw up into it to the point that the ‘fluid’ was dripping through the drawers and forming a pool on the carpet. If that wasn’t bad enough it was the filing drawer that held *my* client files – she’d had the foresight to not throw up into the drawer on the other side of her desk that held her client files.

  119. MechE31*

    My office was quite good at drinking. One holiday party, the president of our 4000 person company started pouring champagne down everyone’s throat straight from the bottle. The president was also the first one to use our company logo shaped ice luge. They were pretty out of it and started cussing out and giving the finger to our competitors (they weren’t there, it was just a gesture to show our employees how they felt about the competitor). I had been at the company all of 2 months, it left quite an impression.

  120. Murphy*

    Oh I forgot about this. Not my story, but at a party hosted by my husband’s old job, an employee and their spouse broke a sink in one of the bathrooms because they were having sex on it.

    1. Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms*

      Is it sad that this sounds relatively tame,simply because it was the employee’s actual spouse…?

  121. Anon For This*

    I don’t want my usual screen name to be to be outed, and I hope I’m the only office to have a ridiculous amount go festivities.
    We have FOUR holiday events over the next two days: Thursday there is an all-office breakfast, and a small group party (100ish people) in the afternoon; Friday is a team breakfast (30ish), followed by a mandatory all day meeting, then the big all-office party (500+ people)
    I’ve enjoyed holiday parties at my old offices, but I get really overwhelmed by large groups like that last big party – somehow it’s more daunting to go into a big party sort of knowing the people there rather than a similar size crowd of strangers. I’m planning to have a single drink there, then hightailing it home to my dog, my whiskey, and my kintting.

    1. Lemon Zinger*

      My SO is in a similar situation! His office is having their big holiday do on Thursday. His work team is having a happy hour on Friday. Saturday is his official team party, to be held at our place!

      Here’s hoping you make it through the next few days!

    2. Clickety Clack*

      I can see your four parties and raise you one: So far I have successfully avoided the whole-company party, division party, sub-division party, and contract office party. I’m planning to attend our immediate team party, but only that one.

  122. Rebecca*

    We have a secret santa in my department. One of my coworkers just went on a ten minute rant about the previous year’s gift from the person who had pulled his name. (The coworker doesn’t know him well, and had given him some sort of cheese and crackers gift basket.) He went on and on about how impersonal it was, he doesn’t eat processed cheese, the person didn’t think about what he’d actually want, didn’t bother to find out, yadda yadda. Then I remembered what he gave to the coworker whose name he pulled…an old scented candle (no longer scented) and one of those airport trinkets he bought 10 of the last time he traveled to the Caribbean. I just stared at him like, REALLY DUDE?

      1. Rebecca*

        hahaha! I hadn’t seen this! #TRUTH!

        In other news, I actually did get a candle from a coworker one year that I really like, entirely because of the beautifully multicolored jar it’s in. :) I don’t even care if it’s regifted.

  123. Throwaway*

    My company thought it would be cute to hire a Santa to sit at the entryway of the party for photo ops, and people were having a great time taking pictures with Santa. He looked very realistic and never dropped character, which was a little weird but manageable.

    Manageable at least until he started hitting up the open bar, then started wandering around our party hitting on the ladies, still in dressed and acting in character as Santa! They hired a different Santa next year, with the strict requirement that he NOT drink.

    1. Mints*

      This reminds me of The Office when the Benjamin Franklin impersonator started hitting on the female staff haha

        1. Anonicat*

          If only a thunderstorm had blown up, you could’ve seen just how dedicated to the role he really was…

  124. Business Socks*

    I work for a large insurance company, and like a lot of companies, the period roughly from 2007-2010 was a tough one. During that time the company experienced multiple rounds of layoffs – like, entire departments gone overnight with no warning. So that time was pretty tense and dispiriting for everyone.
    So one morning in early December, everyone on my team (about 10 of us) receives an email telling us to come to a short meeting in 15 minutes. Now I don’t know how it works for other companies, but in my company, when impromptu meetings are called on short notice with no explanation, it’s never GOOD news. So everyone is already a little tense as we file into the conference room, where our manager is already sitting, rubbing his temples and looking dour.
    After a long pause, he speaks: “Now, I’ve brought you here because I wanted you all to hear this from me before you heard it from anyone else…”

    Another pause, the room is so quiet you can hear a pin drop.

    “I know we’ve all put in a lot of hard work this year, but as I’m sure you all know, we didn’t hit all of our targets for the year.”

    Everyone is shocked – is this really happening?

    “So given the financial situation of the department, and the company as a whole…”

    We are all looking around, tears welling up. What are we going to do?

    “The decision has been made…”

    Another long pause.

    “That we won’t be having a Christmas party this year.”

    Everyone is simultaneously relieved and also wanting to push our boss through the window. Why would you present it like that!?

    The thing is – if he had intentionally been trying to mess with us or soften the blow of not having a party, it would have been diabolical. But the thing is, it really wasn’t. Even though he was a great boss overall, he could be really tone deaf about things like that.

    1. Future Analyst*

      Um, I don’t care how tone deaf he was… he had to know that presenting it like that was likely to induce panic!! Props to you for not losing it.

  125. WS*

    When I worked retail I went to a management-only holiday party at the Store Manager’s house. Because I was the one closing the store on the night of the party I got there three hours after it started, the food was gone, everyone had been drinking for hours, and the theme of the night was apparently “Let’s complain about all the employees we hate and gossip about their personal lives!” including pulling up private Facebook pictures to mock people’s appearances (which is how I found out that these managers had certain employees as Facebook friends specifically to find out gossip about them).

    The youngest freight team member got a little too tipsy and shared some personal information that no one knew about. When I volunteered to drive her home early one of the other managers told me to find out more information about the personal thing that the team member let slip, even though it had no bearing on her job whatsoever, and then share it with them! Very high-school-drama and very weird to be put in that position. (For the record, the team member brought it up on her own while we were driving and I did not share what she told me with anyone else in management.)

    The rest of the management team were friends outside of work and the party was very much them hanging out and having a good time, while myself and the freight team was largely ignored. It’s fine that they were friends (or at least, was common enough in all the retail jobs I had) but I found out later that the SM had invited the rest of the management team to a personal New Year’s Eve party that myself and the freight crew weren’t invited to. If you’re going to have a personal party with your friends anyway, at least make an effort to have the work party semi-professional and enjoyable for everyone!

  126. Liz2*

    I posted in a comment on another day but mine was my first real job out of college at a standard corporate place, few hundred people.

    Holiday party was an offsite lunch split into three days. You could not choose which day you went so you had no idea who else would be eating with you. We were given strict instructions on timing allowed to leave and return and you had to get your own transportation. It was at a hotel atrium with huge trees and was very cold and echo-y. I just didn’t see the point to any of it if the idea was to give people a celebratory experience.

    1. Beancounter in Texas*

      So weird to be assigned lunch on day without knowing who else would be there. Why not just let people sign themselves up? Then they could at least carpool and eat with people they like or moderately tolerate.

      If it was me, I’d “get lost” on my way next year and go have fun somewhere.

  127. Former Boston Resident*

    Mid-2000’s. Worked for a tech-heavy marketing agency. Second job out of college so I was still trying really hard to make a good impression but I was pretty young (~24). My first company holiday party with them.

    Didn’t tell anyone IT WAS ON A BOAT. I almost left–the idea of being trapped on a boat for 4 hours with all my coworkers… but I’m glad I got on. My one good work friend and I proceed to sit back and watch.

    Dirty dancing in front of the executives (like… REALLY dirty), vomiting, lots of other inappropriate things. The CEO hitting on everyone. You know, what you’d expect. Turns out they actually had a stash of petty cash on hand for when the VP (who was a real sexist douchebag) would get arrested. Which he did that night.

    Needless to say there were some seriously sheepish faces in the office the next day and the next year was significantly tamer. Although that VP never did get fired.

    1. Future Analyst*

      I love that! Low key, and fun for those who like that kind of thing, while presumably not making anyone uncomfortable (I assume they don’t force anyone to do it).

      1. Amber T*

        I’ll preface this by saying I would 100% participate, but I would suck at this and would probably figure out none of them. I think I have a pretty decent vocabulary, but the minute someone asks “what’s the word for…?” I go blank. And if it was competitive? Even more forgetting. Now if it was Sudoku…

    2. EmIpsaLoquitur*

      This seems like a fantastic way to have a little bit of low-key cheer without the pressure and/or awkwardness of big parties or gift exchanges. (assuming the clues aren’t raunchy or offensive or anything). A+

  129. Danae*

    Not a -terrible- story, but my most memorably awful holiday party was when I was with a company that I was most sincerely not a cultural fit for. The party was described as “Vegas-themed”, which I figured meant fancy dresses and drinks and maybe a show of some sort. I don’t drink at events like this, but my coworkers were entertaining drunks, so I was looking forward to it.

    Well, what “Vegas-themed” -actually- meant was that the focus of the evening was casino games. With real professional dealers. I have never stepped foot inside a casino. I don’t even know how to play poker, much less any other casino games. It’s a pretty large gap in my knowledge of American culture. (I have no idea how people learn how to play casino games, but I missed out on that part of my education.)

    I ended up watching my drunk coworkers play poker and blackjack all evening. Everyone kept asking me why I wasn’t playing, and I got very good at saying breezily, “Oh, I can’t, but it’s fun to watch!”

    1. Kara*

      Ugh, yeah, I worked for a compulsive gambler one year. He spent so much at the casino that they comp’ed the company Christmas party for him. Which meant we all went to the casino, ate crappy deli sandwiches, and gambled until we could make our excuses to leave. He stayed for the weekend, and eventually lost a lot of money that weekend.

    2. Cath in Canada*

      Was it real money, or fake? I’ve been to several events that have fake money casinos and they’re really fun – everyone gets the same number of chips to start off with, and there are small prizes for the people who end up with the most chips at the end of the night. I did really well at a fake-money poker tourney at one of my husband’s work parties – it was fun to sit there surrounded by piles and piles of chips, even if all I got for it was a bottle of wine! (I’ve won a real poker tournament in Vegas before, but it was just a cheapo $20 buy-in thing, so the pile of chips was much, much, much smaller).

      1. many bells down*

        This is what my husband’s party does: you get 1000 chips at the beginning of the night, and at the end you get a raffle ticket for every 500 chips you have. They have really nice raffle prizes too. It’s the only time I get to play poker (which I love) in real life because I have no poker face generally and don’t dare play with real money.

  130. I'm Not Phyllis*

    At my old work, we used to close down the office for a holiday lunch on a Friday in December, and everyone would get to go home afterward. It was pretty nice. Then one year the CEO decided that one person should stay behind to answer the phones (which is normal in a lot of places, but because we were used to everyone being able to attend the lunch, it was going to suck for one person). Well, I ended up being the person to stay behind because I didn’t want the receptionist, who was awesome and definitely deserved to be able to enjoy it, to have to do it – and I had planned to stay until 5 pm. The lunch started at 1 pm and at about 2:30 one of the VPs came back and told me that I should go to the lunch and he’d cover the phones. Lunch was over (so, no food for me), but I made it in time for the gift exchange (which I couldn’t participate in since I hadn’t brought a gift, since I hadn’t planned on being there) … so I stood awkwardly for about 1/2 an hour then went back to the office. After getting back there was this long email from the VP saying thank GOD he was there because donation. (One donation … no word of a lie, not a single other call came in that afternoon.) Good times. I had never felt more like an afterthought then I did that day!

  131. Lucky*

    Started to write up my work Christmas memory as a funny story, but it was just too sad. Short story: managing partner at my firm had a sudden, devastating illness, so another partner steps in to take over as interim managing partner and handles as a bunch of his caseload as well as her own. She works her tail off through some very difficult problems, including issues related to the managing partner’s illness. Several months later, the afternoon before the firm Christmas party, the partners meet to vote for managing partner for the next year, and unanimously (or at least close) vote for some other guy, with no explanation or discussion. During the speeches, other guy thanks her “for helping out” and she stood up and slowly walked out of the hotel ballroom. She left for another firm that January.

    2. Pineapple Incident*

      WOW that’s so crappy! How freakin’ unfair- that stuff speaks volumes about what a firm values. Good for her for leaving!

  132. Beancounter in Texas*

    Enjoying the holiday party horror stories, but I want to share a good hearted one.

    My husband tells a story about a small town John Deer dealership, where the owner’s wife organized a shopping trip for all the current female customers or wives/girlfriends of current customers. She chartered a bus and took everyone to the Houston Galleria shopping center after Thanksgiving (maybe even on Black Friday).

  133. INTP*

    I’ll share a semi-unprofessional thing I did (scandalous!).

    So, we had a holiday party with dirty santa. And the only way that dirty santa is fun with such a large group, imo and ime, is if you treat it like a joke and just try to get a laugh with your gift. So for my gift I selected a Bill Clinton corkscrew from Amazon’s oddities section. Bill’s body formed the handle and the screw part could, uh, be lifted into a perpendicular position jutting from the center of his body. (Luckily it wasn’t packaged in the box at full mast, at least.)

    I didn’t think about this being inappropriate until we actually started opening gifts and it occurred to me that one of my shy and conservative coworkers might get mine and be embarrassed. It was almost the last gift opened, and for the hour that we spent on dirty santa, every time that one of my shier or less inappropriate coworkers walked towards the gift, a flood of anxiety washed over me. In the end it was the COO who got it, and he had a great laugh at it and said he’d keep it on his desk if anyone needed it in the office. His wife actually took Bill out of the box and placed him as a centerpiece on the table in corkscrew-ready position and they were tipsy enough to all think it was hilarious. So it turned out okay, but it was definitely a lesson to think twice about whether my sense of humor is universal amongst the crowd before buying gag gifts!

  134. TotesMaGoats*

    The thing I miss most about OldJob was our holiday party in our remote site office. We’d do a potluck and have amazing food. Music in the background. I’d come up with some sort of holiday related game like bingo or name that tune with fun prizes. One year we made ornaments for our office christmas tree. (They were clear and I brought sparkle paint and such. Everyone had a blast making them.) Then we’d have leftovers for the rest of the week. Followed by a breakfast potluck the Monday of the week before Xmas and a long running game of Phase 10 at lunch.

  135. adminrat*

    When I was in school I worked for a college bar as a waitress. I lived in a state with an embarrassing servers minimum wage of $2.33/hr. That, on top of the constant drink specials ($1 beers!) and relying on college students’ generosity, we all were dirt poor. The part was held at the “parent” restaurant on the west side of town. The server’s from the campus location dressed up and carpooled and let loose. It was a closed event, so everyone in our group just piled our coats and purses on a bench and that was that. At the end of the night, we realized we had been robbed – money and holiday exchange gifts (all booze) had been taken from our pile. We were later able to figure out the thief from the photographer’s pictures. We pleaded with the owners to look at the security tapes. They first told us a stranger must have wandered in and rummaged through our belongings. Later, they finally admitted (because someone who wasn’t in on the lie told us) it was a friend of theirs who just got too drunk and started thieving. We insisted they contact him so we could get our money back. Nothing ever came of it, of course. No one reimbursed us on the lost funds. That place sucked, and they treated us as disposable labor, which we obviously were at $2.33/hr. Ugh.

    1. Lovemyjob...truly!!*

      That is awful! My mom raised 3 kids by herself on the tips she made waiting tables for over 10 years so I know the hustle that goes into that job. That’s hard work and the owners are jerks for not getting you all reimbursed

  136. SKA*

    Mine’s kinda sad-weird, but I’m able to laugh about it a little (about the situation, not at anyone involved).

    It was a few days before Christmas, and our very small company (husband and wife + two employees) were going to have our annual Christmas lunch out at a restaurant. What I did not realize is that the day before, the other employee had committed a fireable offense. That morning, he was fired. Shortly after, the boss told me they were not exactly feeling celebratory, but gave me money to go out for lunch. So basically – it was the saddest/loneliest office Christmas party to ever happen.

    1. Future Analyst*

      Aww, this is sad. It was nice of your boss to still treat you to lunch, but man, what a non-celebratory situation.

      1. Observer*

        But, I also think better of the boss, both for not feeling celebratory, and for not taking it out on the remaining employee.

  137. Rebecca who is called Rebecca*

    Almost forgot about this one…one year at an office Christmas luncheon at a restaurant, I had a few drinks and a few coworkers and I started prank calling and texting the CEO’s phone over and over….all from my personal cell phone (he was at the restaurant with us). We just wanted to see him scramble for his phone and we’d say, “I’m sorry, but this is important. Do you have Prince Albert in a Can?” One person texted, “What are you wearing?”, and someone else, “I’m bored” (all from my number). Really stupid stuff. We had that kind of relationship with him, and we all thought it was funny at the time (including CEO).

    1 week later, I got a really nasty voicemail at 2:00am from his wife wanting to know who I was and what I had to do with her husband. Not sure what all was going down at his house, but he found me first the next day to apologize for her call and told me to ignore it. I offered to call her if he thought it would help, but he said…er…..don’t.

  138. Miss Elaine E*

    Is it normal for a company to ask employees to pay to attend the Christmas party?
    I ask because years ago the corporation that owned our chain of newspapers threw a very swanky employee Christmas party. We could attend — for $30 per couple. I didn’t bother — I thought that a company Christmas party was for the company to thank its employees for another year’s work.

    The last day of work before Christmas that same year, the office of our flagship paper hosted a Christmas lunch and we in the satellite offices were ordered to attend. My satellite office was about 30 miles away. We grudgingly went only to find that lunch consisted of several deli trays. The general manager — who had a reputation of schmoozing with advertisers at multi-martini lunches every day — grabbed his lunch and said, “Nothing like a good lunch meat sandwich!” (Yeah, we know guy — it’s what we eat every day. Yahoo!)

    Another newspaper I worked for gave us restaurant gift cards as our holiday bonus — to a restaurant that closed within a month. I never got a chance to use mine. Thanks.

    I’ll repeat my Secret Santa/Yankee Swap disasters:
    The Secret Santa who gave me a bottle of Oil of Olay.
    The Secret Santa recipient who sneered at my gift of a within-the-$5-price-limit bundle of soaps/lotions etc.
    The Yankee swap that resulted in some people getting multiple fairly nice items and others (me included) nothing and my own offering (Chocolate truffles) being the only one on the discard table.
    And add:
    The completely unacknowledged hand-made and very nicely custom framed elaborate paper-cutting silhouette. The person could not attend the Swap but it was delivered to her home by the organizers, with the identity of the giver. Maybe not her taste, but not even a thank you?

    2. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      Who sneers at soaps and lotions???? Even if it’s not your taste, smile and say thank you, then donate the gift. And who on earth leaves chocolate truffles??? Sorry you work with awful people.

      I don’t think it’s normal to pay for a Christmas party and would have done the same as you.

    3. Fuzzy Buttons*

      I just transferred to another state with my company, and while my old office location provided a free holiday party, my new one charges $20 a person to attend… and the only beverages included are water, tea, and lemonade (you can purchase soda and alcohol at your own expense).

      At first I thought the soda/alcohol thing might be because of people with religious restrictions, but
      a. Tea has caffeine, and
      b. Sprite/ root beer / Fanta etc. are caffeine-free

      Not sure if the party was any good as I thought the price and paying extra for soda sounded ridiculous.

  139. Secret Santa Gone Wrong*

    The law firm where I used to work did a voluntary Secret Santa gift exchange, and the limit was $25. We could make wish lists and so usually I got something halfway decent. One year I got a Target gift card and happily went to use it, only to be told at checkout that it had a zero balance. I hadn’t been given a gift receipt with the gift card, so I had no way to prove that it had been purchased, and I didn’t know who my Secret Santa was because the card just appeared in my office. I didn’t really know what to do but was pretty upset that I had spent $25 and gotten a worthless gift card. My office mate tried to get me to talk to the office manager, but I felt bad making a stink about it, so I didn’t say anything. Apparently, somebody else did talk to her because about a week later I found $25 cash in my office chair with a note that said “Sorry!”. I still am not sure who my Secret Santa was!

    1. Emma*

      The most embarrassing gift situation I was responsible for was when I accidentally gave my sister the wrong gift card to Giant. You guessed it – I gave her the one I’d just used, that had something like $1.something on it, instead of the $50 I’d intended. Fortunately, when she told me what happened, I still had the right gift card on hand to give her.

      The really sad thing is, the one I’d used was a different denomination, which I should’ve noticed. I was really not paying attention that day.

    2. P*

      Oh, that’s really sweet actually! That zero value gift card thing is a big fear of mine. My grandma is really sweet and sends me gift cards for for my birthday and I always tense up when the cashier swipes it for the first time. How do you bring that up?

    3. TootsNYC*

      I pulled Amazon gift cards out of my drawer to give my team and discovered that they’d been used. I had a sneaky feeling, so I asked them to check, and indeed I must have used them and put them back in. (you can’t check the balance on an Amazon gift card without redeeming it–and I must have done that the year before when I stashed them there)

      I just brought them in a new one, but it kind of destroyed the ambience.

  140. Goober*

    I work in the corporate office of a retail store chain. At Christmastime, we get lots of little presents from vendors, usually boxes of candy or chocolate, or those ubiquitous tin cans of popcorn. But the company that made air fresheners that we sold a lot of took to giving us a miniature – live – Christmas tree in a pot, that had been sprayed with one of their scents. It was . . . different. Until the year they used a brand new scent, and way, way, way too much of it. And it smelled like armpit. It was in the office for maybe ten minutes, and the stench permeated the whole room for four or five hours. They were told we didn’t want any more miniature Christmas trees. Ever.

    To make matters worse, and funnier, one of my coworkers salvaged it from the trash, and hid it in my storage room (it may have been an error in judgment on my part to say “yes” when she asked) for over a week, then wrapped it up for the (white elephant) office gift exchange. She even managed to wrap it up well enough that the stench didn’t leak through until it was opened. My store room still has an odd odor, years later.

  141. Anonicat*

    It’s darkly funny now (…a decade later) but the secret santa gift I received at my first job out of uni was a book of cartoons called The Suicide Bunnies: Fluffy Little Bunnies Who Just Don’t Want To Live Anymore. I hadn’t told anyone that my sister had attempted suicide several times the year before and it was definitely not something I was ready to joke about yet.

    My current workplace had an Alice In Wonderland themed afternoon party in the atrium of our building a couple of weeks ago, with nice finger food, a selection of drinks, a dress-up photo corner and a lolly bar. It was great.

    1. Emma*

      There are some gifts that just shouldn’t be given unless you are absolutely, 100% sure they won’t offend anyone. Anything political, religious, sexual, morbid, or insulting should be in that category. That’s horrible and I’m sorry that happened to you.

    2. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      That’s appalling. I’m so sorry.

      Your second story is lovely and I’m glad you had a good time at that party.

  142. Kat M*

    I was a long-term substitute in a preschool and had been working there since December. We’re open through the holidays, but I had already made plans for the week between Christmas and New Year before taking the job, so I was given the unpaid time off. My coworker asked me if I wanted her to take any gifts the parents brought for me home with her, because they would probably get stolen by another teacher (?!?) if they were left in the closet. I told her it wouldn’t be necessary.

    Well, I came back at the first of January, and she told me I didn’t receive any gifts, probably because I was still so new. No big deal. I figured that word had gotten around that I’m not Christian and they wanted to be sensitive or something.

    I found out later she’d taken all of the gifts intended for me. Also, half of the food intended for the families of the students at their holiday party. She left around 4 months later, and the chronic theft that had been happening to various teachers and admins suddenly … stopped happening.

    I didn’t bother telling anyone about it because she was already gone by that point, and I knew she was living with her kids in a homeless shelter. (This isn’t as unusual as you’d think, on early childhood education wages.) But still, when I think about the way she was constantly accusing other teachers of taking things, I have to shake my head.

    2. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      Oh, that’s so sad. It’s very kind of you not to mention anything, given her situation. She shouldn’t have accused others like that, but when people are desperate, they do and say strange things.

      It’s disgraceful how little teachers are paid. I hope things are better now, for you and her.

  143. Nordica*

    In my opinion nothing special, but perhaps amusing for many readers of AAM on the other side of the pond due to cultural differences. I’m in Northern Europe.
    This year the Christmas party of my company was similar to many other years meaning that first we went to sauna and afterwards had a dinner in a nice countryside setting.
    The sauna is mixed, which means that everybody goes to the same sauna but we wear swimsuits. This is normal in our culture (and there is absolutely no sexual connotation attached to sauna). However, this year it happened that I was the only woman participating (one didn’t want to go to sauna and the rest couldn’t make it that evening for various reasons, also there is a lot less women than men in my company). So there I was enjoying sauna with 15-20 male coworkers. I didn’t have a problem with it nor felt awkward but it did occur to me how strange it may seem to a foreigner.
    The sauna was very nice and enjoyable, heated properly with fire (electric sauna stoves are nothing compared to it). I didn’t take a dip in the pond nearby nor roll in the snow this time, but I did many rounds between sauna and cooling off outside for nearly two hours.

    2. P*

      This sounds amazing! The US is so odd about oversexualizing everything (breastfeeding, swimsuits, etc.). In that context, I would love a relaxing sauna experience.

      1. Anonicat*

        My mum loves saunas, but she’s too embarrassed to use them because her face goes as red as a tomato (I’m not being poetic here, it really is that red) and stays that way for an hour.

    4. AcademiaNut*

      I’m in East Asia, and our holiday parties often involve a visit to a hot spring spa – also co-ed with bathing suits. Different temperature soaking pools, massage pools, wet and dry saunas, scented pools, beds of warm polished rocks under a heat lamp. Then we all pile in the bus to go back, sleepy and damp and reeking of sulphur.

      1. manderw*

        That sounds awesome. I used to live in an apartment building that had a sauna in it and it was amazing. Hardly anyone else ever used it and I loved to sneak down in the middle of the night when it was cold outside. My parents had a hot tub, so I grew up always having ready access to a hot place when I was cold. I definitely miss that stuff now!

  144. paul*

    I’m the source of my awkward holiday store.

    Setting: CEO’s home (surprisingly small actually), where we were having our office party. This was back in my early twenties, first year in a professional job. Everyone’s all festive and signing and eating.

    Someone passes out cups with (alcohol free) eggnog.

    I take one swallow.

    I then take three steps towards the bathroom, and projectile vomit all over our CEO’s living room rug. I didn’t feel bad before, I felt fine after…no idea what set it off. Eggnog isn’t my favorite but it doesn’t generally do THAT either!

    Yeah……that was awkward.

  145. christmas fuckery*

    The most senior HR manager started kissing another, married senior manager on the dance floor, in full view of everyone in the company. The VP had to pry her away from him. Beyond inappropriate :|

  146. Death Rides a Pale Volvo*

    Ha! I remembered one!

    My first job out of college, I worked at a government contractor at a nearby Big Air Force Base. They sent out an order form for your dinner ahead of time for you & your plus one. The options were “Beef” or “Chicken.” My boyfriend (now-husband) was a vegetarian.

    No problem, I think, oh-so-innocently. I called up HR to explain and they GASPED in HORROR. “A vegetarian?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” (Note: glad I didn’t ask about a kosher meal) They said they’d do what they could, but no promises.

    So the big day comes, and off we go to the dinner! And as soon as we’re seated, at least 5 waiters come out to ask Boyfriend, “You’re the vegetarian, right? You’re the one who gets no meat?” The meal comes out and it’s…cold, overcooked pasta with some sliced zucchini on top. No olive oil, no seasoning, nothing. Just take some dead pasta, fling it on a plate, and dump some zucchini slices on top. Festive!

    This is also the party where the head of the company gets up to say, “I want to assure all the wives that [Company] is doing well…” (hasty conference with another administrator) “Oh, whoops! I guess I should say all the SPOUSES!” Boyfriend went around introducing himself as my wife. “And I’m relieved the company is doing well!”

    1. Adonday Veeah*

      We have our holiday dinner with the Board next week. I am vegan, and of course I’ve asked for a special meal, as the menu chosen for our group isn’t appropriate for me. Mind you, the restaurant we’ll be frequenting has a couple of very appropriate options on the regular menu — just leave off the cheese. But the party planner has turned it into such a huge f’ing deal. She must have come back and forth to me no fewer than 5 times to ask if various things would do. Each time I told her, “Just order me this, off their regular menu. It’s perfect, and it’s cheaper than the selections they’re providing everyone else.” By the time she got done with me, I felt like an idiot. Lord only knows what she and the catering manager have decided I will be eating, but it’s not what I asked for. (It will probably be cold overcooked pasta flung onto a plate with zucchini and no olive oil.) I’ll be happy with it if it’s vegan.

      I also know for a fact that, instead of allowing me to eat my meal in anonymous peace, she will flutter around annoyingly asking me a million times, “Are you sure you can eat that? Should I have them give you something else? Are you sure? Are you sure?” Calling desperately unwanted attention to my meal.

      OK, rant over.

      1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

        Ugh, people like that are the worst. I don’t know why some people are so obsessed with what others eat. And the hovering! That’s happened to me and it’s so annoying. It hasn’t happened for a while, but when I was younger, I didn’t want to scene. These days, I don’t care and will happily snap at someone for being annoying.

        Bring a sandwich or something with you, just in case.

      2. Death Rides a Pale Volvo*

        Oh dear G-d. How completely unnecessary, and nothing like making sure you feel like you have a big ol’ neon sign over your head: “VEGAN! VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGAN!”

      2. Death Rides a Pale Volvo*

        He IS delightful, and patient, and we’ve spent the past 22 years trying oh so hard to make each other laugh. I am also currently in my 4th job with him as my co-worker, as well.

    3. Mints*

      Haha! I brought a platonic friend to my Christmas party this year and the CEO was saying something about thanks everybody, “…and thank you to the person sitting next to you, who does the work at home, packing lunches, and supporting us every day”
      (Which I know in his mind he meant “wife” but had the decency to avoid it)
      Anyway I looked at my friend and accused her “You’ve never once packed me lunch! We’re divorced”

  147. Master Bean Counter*

    So when they were tossing ideas around for what to do for a holiday party, I suggested a nice low-key lunch during business hours. Next time I’ll let them do the dinner so I can skip. I just sat through 3 hours in a hot stuffy back room of a restaurant. It took 1.5 hours to get our food. They screwed up my order and I was almost not going to send it back, because I was starving at this point. but somebody noticed it wasn’t the salad I had ordered. Drats! Well at least they got my salad to me quickly after that. It would have been nice if they had actually put dressing on it…
    Just when I think we are almost done and can get out of there, the CFO wants to order dessert. At least the cheesecake was good. Now I’m going to end up staying late to finish work that is due today, that I can’t do until the other people, who were also at lunch, finish up their parts.

    1. One Handed Typist*

      Oh no, I bet they won’t stay late to finish their part. Or they’ll put it off until the very end and make you stay even later. Boo! I hope you get out faster than you expect.

      1. Master Bean Counter*

        I think I may have gotten a stay until tomorrow or at least I’ll get to finish up from home tonight. The person I was waiting on had to leave early. He didn’t get his part done. So at least I’ll get to go home on time.

  148. One Handed Typist*

    My husband has been with his new company for a few months and was of course placed in the group planning the Christmas Party, so we had to attend. This is the first year in quite some time (5+ years) that they have had a company Christmas party that is NOT a potluck in the conference room. Apparently the previous Big Boss was very religious and would not allow any drinking, any dancing, or any music at any event, so people stopped attending. Now there’s a new Big Boss, and he opened the company Christmas Party (HUGE emphasis on Christmas) with a long prayer to “our most glorious Holy Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for whom we give all Blessings…”

    As my husband works for a government agency, I was totally thrown. I work for a different government agency and could never imagine that passing. In fact, our events almost always open with a convocation in which our chaplain makes a very careful point to say “God” but not Jesus or Allah or Krishna or whomever. My husband later told me that is how every board meeting starts. It’s weird, but it seems the executive staff are all highly religious or evangelical Christians so they couldn’t imagine not doing that.

    1. EmIpsaLoquitur*

      As a government agency, they’re lucky they haven’t had someone bringing legal challenges. Holy buckets, that’s inappropriate.

  149. One Handed Typist*

    Oh, I do have a good story for my company’s Holiday party this year. I missed this part as I had already left, but apparently a rather pretty woman walked up to my very single and looking boss, put her hand on his arm, batted her lashes, and complimented his outfit. He straight up asked her if she had any single friends. My coworkers all goggled at him as the nice lady smiled and excused herself.

    When I asked him about it the next day, he was absolutely blown away that we all thought she was flirting with him. He thought she was just being nice and not hitting on him. We have suggested he take a class on how to flirt.

  150. kimberly*

    My first year teaching. At the time we were paid every two weeks. Winter break fell so that 2 paydays were inside the break. We got the 1st one a week early. I just pretend the money wasn’t there until payday actually came. THing was I didn’t get the 2nd one. I called a friend and asked if she had gotten her pay and was told we wouldn’t get paid until school started almost a week late. Thankfully I didn’t have to go into my emergency fund to cover the bills that were due at the beginning of the month.

    Apparently the new superintendent was furious and a new system was put in place so this didn’t happen again. We only got paid early if it was a day thing – long weekend due to Friday holiday. We never got paid late again.

    He never did anything about the fact that saleried employees started in August but didn’t get paid until the end of September because the state changed the start date. In August and first pay check of september are actually the salaried people getting paid from the year before.

    1. KG, Ph.D.*

      I’m a faculty member in a large state university system (one of the largest, in fact), and my start date was August 18th. First paycheck? October 1st. And this was after finishing my Ph.D. in mid-June and moving across the country soon thereafter (I got reimbursed for the move, but I had to front the cost). I think I counted that I went 14 weeks without pay of any sort. Thank goodness my husband was already living at our new place and had a job! There’s no way I could have paid to move, much less paid for an apartment, utilities, and groceries for over 3 months if I didn’t have him. Apparently it can’t be changed (this sits at the intersection of union contracts, state payroll calendars, and other factors), and it’s ROUGH for new faculty.

  151. Nelly*

    We’re not having a Christmas party this year. The boss said we all suck and don’t deserve one.

    We have 10 permanent staff, but over 2 years the boss has fired 24 people, so all positions are completely rotating and no one has a clue what to do as there’s no training or hand over. So, yeah, we all do suck. A lot.

    As the curmudgeonly type, I’m very happy there’s no Christmas Party.

  152. PNW Jenn*

    I went to my first office holiday party in 1998. It was my first full-time job out of college and I was excited to partake in this new grown-up activity. The Monica Lewinski/Bill Clinton scandal was very fresh in the news at the time. Two of my brand new colleagues wore berets and did a risque skit about blow jobs while holding cigars while I looked on in horror.

  153. Kara*

    I worked for a small business that was owned by a group of Mormon men. The first year I was employed, they picked us all (15 of us) up at the office, after business hours and took us to the Mormon Temple that was all lit up with Christmas lights. We were then led by the CEO and CFO on a tour through the displays while they basically preached at us. We sat through a “Join the Mormon Church” movie at the end of the tour. They then bussed us over to a restaurant and fed us dinner, while the CFO’s son, a newly returned Missionary, gave a talk about his time in San Salvador on Mission. I called in sick the next year on party day.

    2. Marillenbaum*

      That sounds like a smart choice. I grew up Mormon, and while the temple lights are usually quite nice, turning the whole thing into a deeply uncomfortable attempt at converting your employees is massively inappropriate.

  154. TheAssistant*

    I worked in fundraising for six years and the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s was always an absolute clusterbleep.

    One organization I worked for had a departmental hallway decorating contest. It was always very competitive, but my coworkers and I were so busy during this time that we had no time to think about anything cool. So one year, the writers wrote us a fundraising-themed carol and I went to Target and bought 15 cheap, tacky tree skirts. Anyone who wanted gathered in a spare office, donned the tree skirts as caroling capes, and sang our off-key hearts out as the Hallway Decorating Judges walked by.

    We did not win, but we got mad props and were asked to do many repeat performances.

    It was honestly the most fun I’ve had during Office Christmas. Also I returned the tree skirts the next day, so the whole thing cost us $0.

  155. Definitely Anon for This*

    Several years ago, I worked at a seriously disfunctional place, there were lots of illegal things done with our paychecks and they got away with it by hiring mostly new grads who didn’t know better. (Also, this place had a great reputation in their industry – they are great for their clients, for employees, not so much!)

    In order to ensure no one left early the day before we closed for Christmas, the owner held our paychecks and bonuses until a half hour before close of day.

    Just before we are supposed to get our checks, a rumor starts that the owner left and payroll doesn’t have the checks or bonuses. Payroll has their door locked and the owner is indeed, missing!

    Finally, at close of day, payroll tells us the checks aren’t on the premises. The owner is at the bank getting them. He shows up shortly after and locks himself in his office.

    Two hours later, he emerges and people are paid. Well, the people who stayed. Anyone who left wasn’t paid until we returned…the first week of January!

    1. Rachel A.*

      Did you happen to work for Marley & Scrooge?

      Seriously… What some cajones to make people stay an extra two hours on the day before the Christmas holiday in order to get paid.

  156. Elizabeth West*

    Not my work Christmas party, but most of the ones I’ve been to were pretty tame.

    So I was looking for meetup groups before I found the nerd one I go to now. This was near Christmas at the time. I saw a post on the site for a holiday party, open to anyone who wanted to come (RSVP please–I did and got a pleasant message back), and please bring a snack and a white elephant gift (something you already have but don’t want anymore, not something gross). I thought this might be fun and I could meet some new people. I had this hand-painted box with two teddies on it, very cute, that I just didn’t have room for anymore so I packaged that up and made a cheese ball and went to this party.

    The party was held at this bar I’d never been to, a very small place. I met the host, who seems busy and distracted, and told her I came from the meetup. She showed me where to put my stuff. I sat with a couple of people who said hi, and then they proceeded to pretty much ignore me. The drinks at the bar were overpriced (something like $4 for a soda!) and the bartender clearly didn’t want to be there.

    Turns out this was a company Christmas party for a small-ish utility company. Everyone at the party knew each other. Nowhere on the post did it say that it was a company party.

    The host was apparently this very attention-seeking personality who threw parties all the time and everybody loved them, her, etc., from what I could gather. I had some food and sat through the gift exchange (it was a drawing) and the most embarrassing naughty trivia game ever (REALLY inappropriate to play with coworkers, but they all thought it was hilarious), all directed by this woman. I received a handheld Singer sewing machine that was clearly from the 1980s as-seen-on-TV box in someone’s closet. The host was getting loads of attention, which she clearly enjoyed.

    As soon as the naughty thing wrapped up, I politely excused myself. I took the rest of my cheese ball home, not caring if this was rude. Hardly anyone had touched it anyway. Nobody really noticed me leave, and on the way out, I passed by the dumpster and chucked the sewing machine box into it with a loud, satisfying thump.

    I have never in my life been more uncomfortable. I have no idea why she opened it up to anybody on the meetup site. Not a clue. That was the last time I went to any kind of individual meetup, until I found the nerd group. And I put that company on my don’t-ever-apply-here-under-any-circumstances-not-even-at-gunpoint employer list!!

    2. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      I’d take my cheese and leave as well. What a ridiculous situation, and all to the pamper the ego of some wannabe society gal.

      Nerd groups are better, anyway.

  157. Delta Delta*

    At Old ToxicJob, Big Boss would make a point of going around the room to say nice things about everyone. “Fergus is my right-hand man and we can’t do it without him!” And “Lucinda puts in 110% every day!” Then we got to me and he said, “And Delta shows up every day.”

  158. Pickles*

    The big company wide party was last week. We’re a secure facility but for this can bring in visitors; it just requires locking away work materials. I’m lucky enough to temporarily have a door and wasn’t bringing anyone in, so I planned to lock myself away and catch up. Then the – not kidding – marching band/drum circle started up on the other side of the wall, playing what sounded like the same song over and over. I was eventually so rattled I locked myself out of my computer, and the help desk took an extra hour to get back to me because they had visitors. Basically I was alone in a small stuffy office being tormented by muffled marching band music. I came out for the potluck – they’d badgered people into participating because they’d promised visitors food but didn’t have enough people sign up. While in line, I had to tell a junior employee to stop trying to arrange a meeting with a lady on maternity leave who came for the party, while she was holding her four day old daughter.

  159. KJ*

    Not my party, but my husband’s work….he works at a LARGE company with a LARGE holiday party. Like, 5,000+ people, easy. Every year they have holiday photo booths, so couples/friends/teams can get pictures taken together. Nice, right? One year, the screens were “green screens” and many people were wearing green (the Sportsball team colors for the city+holiday fashions=lots of green). I don’t think it was every stated they were green screens- I had my photo taken and I didn’t know. And all the photos were posted online. You see where I am going- a bunch of the photos had GHOST PEOPLE with disembodied head floating in front of a fireplace scene. All the photos were posted online. They were a hoot. Less of a hoot were the men (and they were all men) who simulated sex acts for the camera…those photos were also posted online.

    1. Emma*

      a bunch of the photos had GHOST PEOPLE with disembodied head floating in front of a fireplace scene.

      I cannot stop laughing.

  160. CAS*

    Early in my career, I was employed in a very low-paying and thankless job as a case manager at an agency that served people with disabilities. This was a for-profit agency that was making money from a state Medicaid contract, and the pay disparity between my boss and me was about $75,000 per year. (This detail is relevant later.) For reasons that still baffle me, my boss had some issue with my work and was very negative toward me. I had completely overhauled the case management process, I was organized and on top of everything, I had good relationships with my coworkers and clients, and thanks to my work, we’d gotten successfully through a state audit. I found my boss’s attitude toward me to be really bizarre given what I’d accomplished. It was an extremely stressful job because I had to be in the office 8-5, but I also had to be on call 24/7 to cover staffing problems. I was exhausted from the long hours, and given my boss’s attitude, I’d begun looking for another job. I’d had a solid interview just before Thanksgiving and was really hoping they’d hire me.

    Shortly before Christmas, the office assistant pulled me aside and informed me that she’d had to intervene with my boss about a Christmas gift for me. Apparently, my boss planned to present all the office staff with Christmas gifts at an office party — everyone except me. My boss specifically told the assistant NOT to buy a gift for me because she didn’t believe I deserved to be recognized. The assistant said she told the boss she could not possibly do that or be a part of it in any way. She told the boss that either she would include me in the gifts, or she would not buy any gifts for anyone. She said she told the boss that she didn’t understand why the boss disliked me so much, and it was just mean to exclude me like that. I was stunned but appreciative that the assistant stood up for me that way. The boss begrudgingly agreed to include me, and she told the assistant to buy me an inexpensive bottle of wine and a small box of candy as a token gift. The other staff would receive nice gift cards and more substantial items. The assistant wanted me to know why my gift was so skimpy in comparison with the others. It was that or nothing.

    Sure enough, the day of the office party arrived, the boss distributed the gifts, and I received exactly what the assistant had described. As I looked at my four-piece box of candy and the bottle of wine, my coworkers were reveling in their lavish gift cards and other lovely items. At least I was prepared for it in advance.

    The boss left town that evening and flew with her teenage daughters to New York City for a long weekend, consisting of multiple Broadway shows, holiday shopping, and fine dining. She would not be back until the middle of the following week. The next day, I received a job offer from the company with whom I’d interviewed before Thanksgiving. To say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. They wanted me to start right at the first of the year, so I had to give two weeks’ notice immediately to meet that expectation. I actually called my boss while she was in NYC and told her I was giving notice. She was completely stunned. Couldn’t I wait until after she’d gotten back? Couldn’t we discuss this? Um, no, they really need me to start.

    Merry Christmas to me! And the Happy New Year kicker?

    When the boss got back from her NYC excursion, she was in an utter panic. She was required by law to have my position filled at all times. I was leaving, and she had nothing and no one to fill my job. She again asked me if I would stay longer until she filled the position so I could train my replacement. I declined. (And really, if I were such an awful employee, why on earth would she want me to train my replacement?) The next day, she came back to my desk and asked if I would be willing to work on a contract basis temporarily to help maintain the caseload until she filled the position. Then I could also train the new person. I agreed to the contract role, but only with limited work hours outside my new job, a solid end date for the contract, and I required twice my hourly pay as compensation. The boss accepted. She hired a new guy, openly bragging about how incredibly qualified he was and how much more she was going to pay him because he was so worth it. It was gross. As it turned out, he had zero interest in anything I tried to teach or show him. He didn’t pay attention, he had an openly bad attitude, and I decided that was not my problem. I made the attempt with the guy and showed the boss what I’d covered in training him. The contract period ended, and I went on my way. He was on his own.

    About three months later, as I was enjoying my new job and everything that came with it, the boss’s assistant called me out of the blue. She said the boss was extremely dissatisfied with the new guy’s work, and she realized that I’d actually been doing an exceptional job. She’d made a mistake, and she regretted giving me such a hard time. She was sorry she’d lost me and wished I’d come back. Yeah? No way. Too bad, so sad, lady. But oh, it felt good to hear that.

      1. CAS*

        I didn’t. In fact, while I was aware of her negativity toward me, I had no idea that she held that much contempt for me until the Christmas gift incident. That was shocking. I’d never heard of anyone doing something like that so openly. By the time I got the job offer, I’d let go of caring about my boss’s attitude. I’d begun having panic attacks over the workload and the work hours, and I’d had to go on anxiety medication. The job demands were ridiculous, and the pay was really bad. I was just glad to get out of there, and especially for a job I loved.

          1. CAS*

            I wondered whether she might have been intimidated or threatened by me. She owned the company, so it wasn’t as if I could take her job. Regardless, she did an excellent job of letting me know how unwelcome I was, so I took her cue and left. What happened after that was entirely her problem!

          2. TootTootTootsieroll*

            Agreed. I worked at a place with similar situation. The hard working wonderful new person became the go-to person for the tough questions from staff because she was the one overhauling the trickier parts of the business. And on top of that, she was a wonderful person so even those who didn’t directly work with her knew who she was, included her in the ordering out for lunch, had jokes with her etc etc. The boss was more of a dry/wry sort of person, the new person was more outgoing/cheerful – I don’t think it was that the new person pulled focus, I think it was that someone so emotionally different could be seen as a leader while acting in ways the boss thought were unleadership like.

    3. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      That was very satisfying to read. I’m sorry you were treated so badly, though. What an awful human being that boss was (and probably still is). What is so bizarre is that she couldn’t understand why you were leaving! I had a boss who openly hated me and when I told them I’d found a new job, they were happy to see me go and weren’t in the least bit surprised. This boss sounds like she was truly out of touch with reality. Did she honestly think you hadn’t noticed her hostility?

      Kudos to the assistant for standing up to you. It was kind of her to do that. And you can at least be sure the assistant passed on your very gleeful ‘NO!’ to the boss.

      As for why the boss hated you, with people like that, there’s often no logic or reason to it. It can be anything. Jealousy or feeling threatened is a pretty good bet, but it could be as simple as not liking a person’s hairstyle and having that negative emotion colour everything and spiral out of control. But you can be sure that it’s all on her, not on you.

      Very glad to hear you are out of there and in a job where you are appreciated, just as it should be!

  161. Anon for this*

    One year I took my boyfriend to my organization’s holiday party. I had a coworker, “Susan,” who was infamous for being super-religious and as straitlaced as they come. Imagine my surprise when Susan, after a few too many trips to the bar, sidled over and told me that my boyfriend was seriously “f—able.” She then proceeded to grab him every time the band played a slow song and try to get him to dance with her while making suggestive comments. We finally had to leave when we started playing that game where you put an orange under your chin and pass it from person to person (I know, inappropriate game at the best of times) and when it was Susan’s turn to have the orange she dropped it into her cleavage and told my BF that he would have to get it with his mouth. Susan didn’t show up for work for almost a week after the party and she would never quite look me in the eye again.

    2. Former Employee*

      I just had to comment even though it is unlikely anyone will see it, given that it’s almost a year after the original.

      It would have been so tempting to start humming “Give Me That Old Time Religion” the first time I saw her fate that party.

      1. Former Employee*

        It was supposed to read as follows:

        I just had to comment even though it is unlikely anyone will see it, given that it’s almost a year after the original.

        It would have been so tempting to start humming “Give Me That Old Time Religion” the first time I saw her after that party.

  162. Researcher*

    Last Friday, it was a company-wide Christmas party, and my colleague took his penis out in front of everybody and got sent home in a taxi by our boss.

    2. Researcher*

      No Turtlewings, just a written warning. But we have a department lunch tomorrow, boss suggested he take the day as leave seeing how he gets with alcohol.

    3. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      Wow. That’s gross.

      If he’s unrepetant, though, then everyone should quickly glance down and giggle whenever he’s around (glance down at the ground, though).

    6. Researcher*

      Well, the dynamic this week has not been as dramatic as expected, it is a 70-80 head count, and only around 20 were there at the time. Business Socks, you asked for mor context, so long story short, him and I are the top performers in our team of 5, so he won’t be easy to replace. It was unprofessional, but everybody has quickly moved on.

  163. Extremely Anon For This*

    I work at a small, private school. Last year some of the faculty and staff participated in a Secret Santa gift exchange. For a few days they exchanged “gag” gifts. On the last day they exchanged a “real” gift and revealed their identities. Fairly standard. I was not involved. I merely observed the shenanigans. One day, during break, in front of several faculty members and **students**a teacher opened his gift from his SS. He knew it was supposed to be a “joke” gift. However, imagine his surprise (and the great surprise of numerous other people) when he opened a box that contained an inflatable sex doll. In a school. With students of various ages ranging from 10 to 18. Personally, I was NOT amused.

    1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      Good grief. What is wrong with some people? That isn’t an appropriate workplace gift in general, let alone at a school!

  164. Chaordic One*

    I’m afraid these two incidents might not seem very funny, but they were if you were actually there.

    #1. Many years ago when I worked at a fairly fancy insurance office. The boss had a catered Christmas party at his country club where gag gifts were passed out. Our first male admin received a pair of undershorts with a picture of a hamburger and “home of the whopper” printed on them. He seemed embarrassed.

    As the night wore on he must have had several drinks. Near the end of the party, while the big boss was making toasts at a podium, the admin walked up behind him crouching. He had pulled the undershorts on over his pants and when the big boss made a toast (I can’t remember to what), the admin opened his jacket and flashed the audience with “The Home of the Whopper.”

    #2. At a different Christmas party at the same company, there was talent show where a pair of admins, one male and one female and dressed as a toy soldier and as a ballerina respectively, performed a dance to “The Nutcracker.” The dance was actually pretty good and the first part went well. The female, unfortunately, had had a bit too much to drink and while doing a pirouette, spun off of the small stage and fell down in front of it. Fortunately, it was only about 3 or 4 feet off of the ground below and she was unhurt. She then sat down in one of the chairs facing the stage and refused to get up and finish, while her dance partner tried to pull her up out of the chair before giving up.

  165. Merry Holidays to All*

    I work at a large nonprofit. Every year, lunch is provided for those employees who have to work on Christmas (and Thanksgiving, both of which I usually do since I don’t have family nearby). It’s nice because our whole team goes together and we get to take a long lunch instead of just half an hour, and see our friends from other areas. Last year, while we were walking over, our supervisor invited a donor to join us because he had an extra voucher. So instead of kicking back during lunch, laughing and joking with the team, we got to eat with the donor at our table, and obviously had to be on our best behavior. It felt more like work, trying to impress the donor, than a special lunch just for us to enjoy. The entire room was full of employees, the donor was the only odd man out. I was so dispirited, I don’t think I said one word the whole time. My boss was just being nice, and I don’t think he realized the effect on the rest of us, a rare misstep for him. (BTW, my company is open every day, and employees receive no compensation for working on holidays other than the choice to use a PTO day in addition to working, and thus get paid double – that and the aforementioned lunch. We’re hoping to change this policy in negotiations. Basically anyone who’s junior works every holiday, because the seniors get first dibs at asking for them off. It’s a great place to work, otherwise, and we’re treated well and get good benefits.)

    1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      Oh no. I’d feel the same way as you. What an awkward situation. And hope you get to change that policy.

  166. Tala*

    One time I worked at a government agency where the head of HR was a reformed alcoholic who had found religion and was thus now, very religious whilst also being teetotal. Every year before the party we’d get an email about how under employment law the party was an extension of the workplace and bad behaviour would not be tolerated etc. etc. She wasn’t very well liked in the office for other reasons but no-one hated her and often she didn’t come to the parties as she found them too rowdy.

    The year her marriage broke up she came and got so drunk at the party she flashed her boobs over the metal railings of this rooftop bar we were at…..and because of the snow/light rain the side of one of her boobs fused to the railing (kinda like if you lick something frozen and your tongue gets stuck!). Seeing her two (female!) HR admins ‘blowing’ on her boob to release it whilst shielding her modesty with scarves is a sight that will never leave me.

    1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      Oh my God. That last line is not where I expected the story to go. I’m laughing but it’s partly out of horror. What a mental image.

      But didn’t the bar have any warm liquids? You would think they’d at least have some coffee.

      As for the first part, there’s none so fanatical as the recently converted. Back away slowly.

  167. Yvaine*

    I guess I’ll exit the Lurk Zone (it’s like the twilight zone but more awkward) to tell one of my favorite stories.

    My first full-time job out of college was at a horribly dysfunctional (like broken labor laws, health code violations, lying to staff and client dysfunctional) small business. I’d only been there 6 weeks by the time the Christmas party rolled around and, unbeknownst to me, the owners of my workplace also owned the restaurant where the party was held. The server made a minor error on the alcohol bill (accidentally put mine and another person’s beers on the same bill but we both had cash and it was not at all a big deal) and wife-owner chewed the waitress out in front of everyone. It was awful, especially since I was seated next to husband-owner and he didn’t seem to notice.

    THEN wife-owner made all yhe employees sit in a circle (without the plus ones) and go around the circle saying what we hoped to accomplish in the next year. Nearly all of my coworkers were young parents, part-time students, recent grads, etc and a solid 50% of them were on food stamps (yeah we did not earn a living wage) so most of the responses were of the “save $ to take my kids on vacation/start a college fund/get off of food stamps” variety. Then we get to wife-owner. Her goal? To take her brand new horse (her 3rd horse I think it was) on a real trail ride in the wilderness.
    Flames. Flames on the side of my face.

      1. Yvaine*

        It really does. It’s been three years and I’m only slightly less flabbergasted when I think about it.

    2. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      I hope her horse is Mister Ed and he tells her how much she sucks.

      Glad you’re out of there.

      1. Yvaine*

        Well now I’m picturing that and it’s amazing!
        I’m so glad to be free of them. Last I heard, they were being sued by a client.

        1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

          :D

          That is not surprising. People who are that self centered don’t know how to properly engage with others and end up sabotaging themselves.

          1. Yvaine*

            They’re definitely self-sabotaging! Then they wonder why the employee turnover rate is so high. *eye roll*

  168. Anion*

    Oh! I’ve got one!

    Not a huge deal or particularly hilarious, but it sure was weird. I was a manager at a call center for a small telemarketing (incoming calls only) company. It was a good company and I really liked the owner, whom I’ll call Joe.

    Our call center had an office manager–Jane–and the VP of the company–Wakeen, of course–had his office there (Joe was in the corporate office across town). Jill and Wakeen were having a torrid affair, which was an open secret among management. Jill and Wakeen also had some very strict rules about the office/office culture, which were starting to experience some real pushback from mgmt and staff. It was ceasing to be a really fun place to work, basically, and people were unhappy.

    Joe showed up at our office Xmas party a little tipsy; no biggie, he was the owner. But at one point, Joe cornered Wakeen and said–not loud, only one or two other supervisors heard it, the staff didn’t–in a low, angry voice, “It’s your fault. It’s because of *you* that these people all think I’m a jerk!”

    This was, sadly, true. The employees were terrified of Joe and thought he was some sort of strict authoritarian asshole, which couldn’t have been further from the truth. But Wakeen and Jill were so caught up in themselves, and in hiding the fact that they were rarely in the office–their four-hour lunches and lack of accessibility were legendary–that they blamed all of their rules (designed to hide their lack of presence) on him. Wakeen was trying to set up a separate branch of the company that would be his alone, too, and a lot of the new rules were designed to facilitate that. He spent a ton of company money on it, and sadly, when it went under, so did the company I worked for. Months later, Joe had to lay off over half the staff, and Wakeen and Jill were the first to go.

    At the next company I worked for, the company owner gave a speech at the Christmas party where he said, “All my employees are excellent–well, most of them, anyway.” It didn’t go over well. (And no, it was not a joke.)

    Nowhere near as exciting/funny/interesting as some, but it’s all I got. :-)

  169. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

    Wow, I feel so bad for Joe. It’s a real shame when a good person is undermined like that. I’d love to have a boss like Joe. Hope he’s doing well now.

    1. Anion*

      He is, apparently! I Googled him after writing the above, and found that he’s running a different sort of company now, and it seems to be successful. Which is great news. He really was cool–one of those good-humored “As long as you get your work done and are reasonably professional, I don’t much care,” types of bosses who are fun to work for.

      1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

        That’s really good news! Thank you for the info, it’s uplifting to hear about people doing well. And we need more bosses like Joe.

  170. Sfigato*

    I have two.
    First off, a former employer’s christmas parties always had to have music and dancing…even though five people wanted to dance and 55 wanted to just eat and chat. The dancers would pressure you into dancing to wedding hits of the 80s and 90s. One year it was held in a club that normally held a very hip African dance party. There were all of these hip people of color who would walk in, see a bunch of white people dancing to “Footloose,” and turn around horrified.

    Another party was held at a remote location a good 30 minutes from the nearest public transportation (I live in a metro area where a lot of people don’t have cars and it’s generally expected that you will take a cab or public transportation home from a party). Buses had been hired, but the bus drivers were so inept the (drunk) admin coordinating the party fired them during the event, leaving us with no way to get back to public transportation and home. This was pre-ride share, and cabs in the city where the party was held were rare precious objects. We waited almost an hour to get a cab to the train station. Fights broke out.

  171. Yo Ho Ho*

    I was once the only hourly person in an office full of salaried employees. My schedule was also different from everyone else and my busiest work period was early afternoon. For Christmas, the Boss took us all out to a fancy restaurant. I was supposed to ride over with the Office Manager who made a point to make sure I clocked out before we left. The lunch lasted three hours. Three hours for which I was not paid and during which my work piled up back at the office. When we got back, all the salaried people packed themselves up and enjoyed an early day off. As she left, the Office Manager reminded me that I needed to get my work finished and clock out by my normal time. Merry Christmas, indeed.

  172. Squeegee Beckenheim*

    My last job was a contract position, and they decided not to renew my contract at the end of the year along with a couple other people’s. My boss decided he wanted to have a going-away lunch for me (I was the only fresh-out-of-college employee and he felt weirdly paternal towards me), which eventually evolved into a going-away lunch for me and the two other people (fine, makes sense), and then into a holiday lunch where he set the menu with no input from anyone. Sure made me feel honored and in the holiday spirit!

  173. FelineFine*

    Several years (and several companies ago) at Hubby’s holiday party, we looked over to another table during the boss’ speech. Low and behold, one of the senior techs was getting a “rub & tug” at the table from his “guest”.

    A fist fight also broke out later in the party between two other techs. I think they reconsidered their open bar policy after this one.

  174. Mar_Lard*

    *un-lurks*

    I work at a medium-sized office, think 50 people or so, pretty close-knit. Our Christmas party last year was held at a somewhat fancy restaurant; I was placed next to our newest intern. Immediately after sitting down the guy started guzzling down wine without pause. He emptied at least four successive glasses and got utterly drunk all before the first dish even arrived. His already boisterous voice then only grew louder and louder, to the point where he could be heard all across the dining room as he was ̶m̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶v̶e̶r̶s̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶ yelling into my ear, and of course his comments only grew more and more inappropriate. He loudly suggested I “unwind and go suck [coworker’s] dick, you should like him, he’s the most good-looking” (colleagues were mortified and kept apologizing on his behalf), and kept refilling my glass with wine even though I usually drink very little (made me sick the next morning, since I didn’t want to waste the wine!). Having grown bored with me, he then went on to make the table rounds and proceeded to loudly speculate on the size of coworker’s genitals (with assorted gestures) and drunkenly rough up a few colleagues with not-so-gentle “friendly” slaps and taps. His boss and the office director were extremely amused by the antics and spent the whole dinner photographing all of it!
    By the end of the evening the intern could barely walk or form a coherent sentence. Colleagues called a taxi for him, the driver took one look at him and refused to let him into the car. He was then hoisted into the office director’s car so he could drive him home with the help of his boss and two other colleagues. He proceeded to vomit into a paper bag, still in the director’s car. When they got to his place his boss & the two other colleagues had to physically support him and he couldn’t find his apartment on his own. The group found the open apartment and helped him in, only to find a very confused man in the living room, sleepily blinking at them.
    “We brought back your roommate!”
    “But…I don’t have a roommate.”
    Imagine sleeping peacefully and being suddenly woken up by a group of (HUGE) men who just burst into the wrong apartment to leave an utterly drunk stranger on your couch.

    The intern still works with us and apparently wasn’t even given a strict talking to ! This year’s Christmas dinner is tomorrow; it remains to be seen whether history repeats itself (I have already asked to NOT be seated next to him).

  175. Puzzled holiday anon*

    So our company holiday luncheon was yesterday, food provided by the employer. Although I don’t usually like team-bonding events, I decided it would be good to pull myself together this one time and socialize with the coworkers. Figured it would help the team spirit if we all sat around and talked to each other for an hour. I blocked the time off on my calendar, so nobody would yank me into a last-minute meeting and get in the way of my socializing with the colleagues. Fast forward to yesterday, we get an email saying that the lunch is served at the cafeteria. We walk into the cafeteria and indeed there is food, but hardly any tables and chairs and the room is empty. Almost all of the tables had been pushed together to make a long table to serve the food on, buffet-style. We all took the food and went back to our desks. The food was very good and there was enough for second helpings and such. But no social element to this holiday luncheon whatsoever.

    I am frankly puzzled. I’d always thought this would be my dream come true – no forced team-building, the food is provided and is phenomenal. But I really don’t know what to make of this. I have to say that this never happened anytime before at any of my old jobs. It’s not bad. It is nice and appreciated. But kind of weird! Has anybody else’s employer done this?

    1. Creeped out on Christmas*

      That’s unfortunate. Perhaps they expected everyone to stand around in the lunchroom and hold their plates?

    2. AP*

      Yes! I worked at this company that had really nice benefits, but also had a really antisocial culture. I’m not much of a social butterfly, but I mean people were VERY isolated. It would be total silence all day and MAYBE someone would nod to you while getting coffee in the kitchenette. During the holidays one year they had this amazing catered barbecue feast delivered and placed it in a big conference room, with no chairs or space to sit. People collected their lunch and had it at their desk. It was a lovely meal, but it was so odd to me the way it was set up.

  176. Canadian Dot*

    I don’t really have any truly off-the-wall work Christmas stories. The only really funny one I can think of is, at one party many, many years ago, we did a white elephant gift thing, but we didn’t set any limits on how many times a gift could be stolen. 3 hours later… (There was an old school laser level with stand. It was very popular.)

  177. Bonky*

    I’d been a deputy editor on a suite of magazines in London after I finished my degree, but moved back to Cambridge when I got engaged to my now husband, who was doing his PhD and couldn’t relocate. I’d had trouble finding editorial work, so I temped, and when the Christmas in question rolled around, was working as an assistant at an educational publishing house. I’d already asked whether any permanent editorial roles were available: they were not.

    The office Secret Santa was compulsory. I picked the MD’s name out of a hat. I’d had some conversations with him (I was working in the same open-plan office as he was), and knew from those that he loved metaphysical poetry, so I bought him a really beautiful old edition of Andrew Marvell poems at a second-hand bookshop.

    It turned out that the same MD has picked my name out of the hat. (What are the odds?) His choice of gift was not quite so sensitive. He gave me a small bottle of wine vinegar, and he hadn’t wrapped it. It was pretty obvious he’d just picked it out of a kitchen cupboard before going to work that morning. We swapped gifts and he was visibly mortified.

    The week we returned from the holidays, a full-time job on the editorial floor suddenly opened up, and I was parachuted into it. I stayed there for five years – that was one well-chosen Christmas present.

  178. Amy B*

    Today is December 15 and a woman I work with has been decorating people’s office doors and cubicle outside walls since November 28. There’s not even that many people in our area (30 maybe?) but she is short and stout and isn’t able to do that many a day. I told her to leave me out because I don’t care about holiday decorations at work and didn’t want to take it all down afterward. She insisted on buying me an ornament and then today, hanging a Christmas stocking on a hook outside my cube. Maybe it sounds charming but it’s actually annoying. Two things:1) her own space is not decorated and 2) she buys all this wrapping paper etc with her own money and doesn’t ask for any reimbursement from the department.

    1. Creeped out on Christmas*

      I’m curious as to why it matters that she doesn’t ask for reimbursement?

      It seems to me like she just likes to help get the office into the holiday spirit as a gift to the office/her coworkers.

  179. Ann*

    This is not so much a weird story, but more of an example of superior being a jerk?

    This happened in my last job, which I had to left due to it causing me both mental and physical problems. Brief background: it was an office job and I reported to a manager who has a combination of micromanagement and martyr complex, in that she would always goes around moaning about how much work she has and no one can do it, and that she is really self sacrificial by taking this load. When she is not doing this, she would be critisising me and saying that I should be grateful that I have this job. In addition, I was pressured into working well over my finish time.

    Then, at Christmas. Usually, in where I live, we often have the periods between Christmas and New Year combined into a long holiday. This didn’t happen in this job. So it means I really only get Christmas day and Boxing day off, also, I would be working on Christmas eve. This is not that uncommon, so I was okay with this. However, other managers in the other departments then feel that we should finish early and instead of the official time of six, we will go at 1pm. Unfortunately, my manager does not agree with this, as I was summoned to discuss something not very important during that time. As my co-workers said goodbye to me, they all tell me that I should really go home soon, since it is Christmas eve.

    Note: There was nothing that had to be done on the day.

    At 2pm, only my manager, me, and our IT guy that have a later start for work was there. My manager then suggested that I could consider going home.

    Fast forward to a few months later, when I was trying to discuss with my managers about how I am not happy with the way she treated me (ie.the constant putdown). Her reply? “How can you saying something so nasty? I always think of your well being, and I even let you go home early on Christmas eve.” So apparently letting me go early after everyone else already left on Christmas eve for an hour is a really great gift.

  180. Anon for this*

    Our Christmas party was last night, at a venue that does parties for multiple office groups. We booked five tables. When we got there they’d only given us four tables. Staff were scrambling to find us another table and chairs and table settings, plus find somewhere to put it, all without interrupting the aerial and fire show going on on the central stage which was the only route not already full of tables.

    Fortunately it was only the table they’d forgotten. The kitchens did have dinner for everyone.

  182. Tiffin*

    One year, the company for which I used to work decided that instead of the normal ($100) Christmas bonus we used to get, we would get the “[Company Name] Knowledge-sharing Game.” It was a card game about the company. I would have rather just gotten a greeting card.

  183. IT Kat*

    Our “holiday” party is always in January… the reason being that they can get better, more swanky places and food after the holiday on the same budget. Okay, not a big deal, since it’s usually around my birthday so why not?

    However, yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the company, so they had a huge blowout at the brand newly remodeled HQ, and it sorta worked as a pre-holiday holiday party.

    Brought in food… an hour late, which means people had already cleared out the several cases of Corona and craft beer provided, and the keg of craft beer was already tapped and mostly empty by the time the food got there. So they set out more beer and replaced the keg for dinner. And replaced the keg again two hours later. I left before that happened, but I heard that roughly half the attendees (so about 30 people) went bar hopping after that, the CFO ended up falling literally on his face when he was trying to get into an Uber to go to the bar, so had to go to the ER (and decided the line was too long so joined everyone at the bar), of the party that remained, one of the salesguys got into a screaming match with his manager and was told not to come back today.

    This morning, none of the managers showed up until 10am, the CFO still isn’t here, someone peed out back on the building (by evidence in the snow), a set of keys were found hanging on a flagpole out front, and random phones, lighters, half-full and empty beer bottles and cups are still being located around the brand new building, and several rows of the office cubicles have been moved for some reason.

    I’m almost sorry I missed it.

    1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      Wow. That’s some party. It’s probably a good thing you missed it. You get to enjoy the aftermath and the embarrassment from a safe distance.

      the CFO ended up falling literally on his face when he was trying to get into an Uber to go to the bar, so had to go to the ER (and decided the line was too long so joined everyone at the bar)

      That’s hardcore. Horrifying, but hardcore.

  184. Late & Gone Anon*

    Late to the holiday party thread, but wanted to share my 2 favorites:

    1) 100% attendance required- The boss who has scheduled Christmas parties at his home for the last 5 years, then cancelled each party within 2 weeks of sending his original invitation due to a “lack of interest”. If even one person says they cannot come, he decides there isn’t enough interest. This is an 11 person office and he lives an hour away from our office (in a “walking” commuter city). It’s a real morale killer when someone has familial obligations or just wants to opt out- the boss outs them as not wanting to come.

    2) ExBoss who held themed holiday parties at his house- typically very nicely done in my 3 previous events, he & his wife were wonderful hosts with a beautiful home to share! Then came the Holiday Luau… ExBoss had rented décor and hired a caterer for a pig roast. Then he greeted each guest with a lei… he actually choose to personally “lei” each guest as we entered and made jokes about it. He really loved telling the gruffest older (male)managers how hard it was to “lei” them and how it was about time they got it over and done with. Some of his “favorite employees”- all young women, including myself- were given several of the necklaces and ExBoss made constant, loud references to how many times we each “got lei’d” by him and how tired he was. His wonderful wife tried to diffuse the situation by explaining how much she loved spending time with their Hawaiian son-in-law and that his mother had taught them so much about the history and culture. She was clearly embarrassed by her husband’s crude remarks and tried to hush him repeatedly. That was the first time I saw see sexual harassment AND cultural insensitivity in one work party.

  185. Delphine from Belgium*

    We were a ~100 people lab with family-like spirit. At the Christmas party, it is customary to introduce the new hires (usually ~8-10 /y as we are growing and the decent turnover of young expatriate reasearchers).
    One year, the admin though it would be funny to have each newcomer answer a bunch of personal questions over the mic, on the scene in the big room in front of everyone. Things like: what is your favourite colour? If I’m telling you love, what do you think of ? tell us something personal…
    One friend of mine was traumatized by the experience and would never again attend the company parties.
    ***
    One director is famous for liking the young women, and drinking a little too often and too easily.. One time a group of women, all in their 20-30’, were dancing when he approached. All quickly dispersed (think water repelling effect) but an unfortunate one that had to dance for 15min with her old wine-n-sweat-smelling N+2.
    ***
    A few years ago, we (lab A) joined with the neighbour research laboratory (lab B) in June. Almost the same size, almost the same working field, almost the exact functioning and atmosphere opposites.
    Our director became the DHR, but was dismissed in November for “being too close to the people”. In December a company event was planned as usual: director speech, a few short technical presentations to let us know about the various projects, then dinner and dance party. We all gathered in the big conference room, some colleagues coming back from their holidays specifically for the event. At the moment the director (not ours, the B one that had become the global director in the fusion) started to speak we all (ex lab A) stand us and leaved without word in sign of protest toward the new management team.
    We all got to another party that we arranged for ourselves lab A colleagues because this tradition of work Christmas dinner is important. The party-planning admin later told us that the director was spotted smoking very nervously at the front door. It did gave us a little negotiating power over the harmonizing discussions.

  186. Happy Loser Anon*

    Worked a job that was partly seasonal, every winter about half the staff throughout the company was laid off and then rehired in the spring when business picked up. Every year we had a huge company holiday party with no expense spared. There were awards given out including Employee of the Year (from a pool of Employee of the Month winners), which included speeches from multiple managers about why the recipient deserved this award and very generous prizes. Every single year, the following morning the award winner was included in the seasonal layoffs. It got so predictable that we would wish nominees the luck of not winning and Employee of the Month winners would become visibly stressed when they were informed. One year, the CEO overheard people joking about it at the party and immediately became upset when we explained why. She still laid the winner off the following morning but many people were pulled into her office for a lecture about their attitude and a company wide email about conduct at parties.

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