update: I manage someone who was terribly harmed by my family … what do I do?

by Alison Green on March 2, 2017

Remember last week’s letter-writer who managed someone who had been terribly harmed by his nephew and sister while living in their home as a foster child? Here’s the update.

Thanks so much for answering my question. I found your advice very helpful, and I also think I just needed a sanity check that there was no easy answer I was missing here. I intended to reply to more of the comments, but I got a bit overwhelmed.

I did reach out to RAINN. We discussed the approach and I ended up deciding that something similar to script two was the best way to move forward (this was based a good deal on Jane and my previous working relationship so not a one size fits all approach. If someone finds them self in a similar situation I highly recommend reaching out to RAINN or something similar on your own). I also reached out to my employers EAP to talk through some of my feelings that my nephew’s passing brought up so I didn’t subconsciously let my personal struggles come through to Jane.

In addition to Alison’s script, I added something to let her know that this family does not know where I live/ work and I have not spoken with them in 10 plus years, so there is no way they would know where to find her from this connection. I also decided not to mention that I would help her find work elsewhere, and instead left it as a more generic “if there is anything I can do to help you out.” I also added some information about our EAP and let her know if she needed to take some time off or work from home I would work with her on that.

I decided to handwrite this and deliver it in person. I didn’t want to email it and leave a permanent traceable record, and we have an open office plan and she does not have an office so I could not guarantee her privacy emailing or dropping off a letter. My first thought was to just talk to her in person, mostly so I could be sure to convey my sincerity, but I have been told in general conversations I can be intimidating at times (I am a fairly tall, burly man) so I decided that was not the way to go given the nature of this conversation.

I called Jane into my office toward the end of the day and said something along the line of “I’m sorry to bring up a personal issue at work, but I feel it is better to address this openly. Please read this letter. I am going to be working for the rest of the afternoon out of our conference room. Take as much time as you need and feel free to call or email me if you need anything or would like to talk in person.” Then I left her to read the letter. I did not see her for the rest of the day, and she came into work the next day and so far she seems to be doing okay.

I think I initially panicked in terms of transferring her to a different boss, my department is in the process of hiring two managers who will report to me and have the supervisors reporting to them. I anticipate this happening within a few weeks so I am going to hold off on any changes, and see how that plays out. With everything going on, I had actually managed to forget that this change was on the horizon.

Also on a different note I did speak with the office busybody when the obituary was shared to let them know her know that I felt it was an invasion of my privacy and was not in contact with that part of my family. I told her that most people appreciate the ability to share family news on their own terms. In hindsight I think I should have replied all with something letting it be known that I am estranged from this family. I was hesitant to do this as the obituary mentioned substance abuse and I did not want to come across as uncaring about those issues/ distancing myself due to that, but I was probably overthinking it.

Once again, thanks for all the feedback and suggestions.

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{ 122 comments }

{ 122 comments… read them below }

  1. J-nonymous*

    OP, I’m so glad this turned out the way it did. I commend your attention to caring and compassion toward Jane and I wish you both well. This update brought tears to my eyes (as did the original letter).

    1. Sara M*

      Yes. Well done, OP!

      I’m thinking of both you and Jane, and wishing you both the best. *hug*

    3. madge*

      Yes, this. You are an exceptional manager, OP. I can’t imagine any way this could have gone any better for Jane.

      Also, as someone who is estranged from family, you have my sympathy for dealing with that situation. In my experience, either you feel you’re judged based on their horrible actions, or if someone *doesn’t* know the situation you’re judged for cutting them off because “family always comes first”.

      1. The Bimmer Guy*

        I’m very close to all of my relatives (except my deadbeat paternal grandfather), and love them dearly, but even *I* would not shame someone, especially a coworker whose life I do not know, for separating him / herself from family. Where do people get off?

        1. JustForThisComment*

          I was molested for 6 years. My father (who is an alcoholic with personality issues, so we probably wouldn’t get along anyway) found out at the start of the molestation and did…nothing. My mother died and he tried to snake his way back into my life and blame her for things that I knew were false. I finally called him on his BS and he got angry. I asked him why he let the molestation go on for so long and he didn’t do anything about it. His response of, “I didn’t care and I just didn’t want to.” That did it for me. Estrangement activated.

          I really don’t want to tell people all of THAT^^^^^ about myself. You would not believe the number of people who 1) pry when they find out we’re estranged, 2) told me I needed to invite him to my wedding because he’s my father, and 3) still try to guilt me into a relationship with him by telling me he’s my father/my only father without knowing the history. It’s baffling and maddening. I just started telling people he was dead.

          1. Marillenbaum*

            I completely understand. I have a different story regarding my father and why we aren’t in contact, but I’ve seen plenty of people try to pull the “but you’re FAAAAAMILY!” thing when I mention we don’t talk. Family isn’t an excuse to treat people badly, or to accept ill treatment.

            1. FoodieFoodnerd*

              Spot on!

              To me, “family” hasn’t squat to do with blood ties or paperwork — it’s you love each other, are there for each other and want what’s best for each other.

              My close friends of 35-40 years are much more “family” than anyone with whom I’m connected by the formal definition.

              Why is it that the people who feel most entitled to what they view as loyalty never think it works both ways?

          2. Stardust*

            I’m sorry! That’s hard and yes, so rough when people make comments prying. It is no one else’s business why you are estranged from him.

          3. Candi*

            I am thinking very nasty thoughts about your father right now.

            I’m estranged from my mother. It started with her blatant favortism of my little sister when we were younger (not sis’ fault!), her nastiness that I wasn’t the social butterfly she wanted to me, her emotional manipulation and abuse, and hit a high (low?) point when she told my dad she was leaving him (for the second time in their relationship -long story) and told me: “I don’t want you. You’re too much like your father.”

            For a while after my kids were born, it look like things might be getting better. Then she started the whole ‘you should be what I want you to be’ thing again. The last nice thing she did was when she told me that her mother, when Grandma (RIP) had, in her genealogy studies, found that there was a huge number of incidents of ASDs on the primarily maternal line. It provided me with a badly-needed explanation of why I was so ‘weird’ growing up, and why the tests the schools ran didn’t pinpoint anything; they didn’t know what they were looking at. (Female presentation being so different from male so much of the time.) The first book I read on the topic was like, “Who’s been looking over my shoulder my whole life!?!”

            But even that had a caveat: dear mother told me that since we knew what was wrong, I could get it “fixed”. That was her response to a complex multi-layered genetic condition (and I told her it was genetic as soon as I knew) -she wanted it to be ‘fixed’ so I could be ‘normal’. It’s not a freaking hole in the heart!

            Last time I saw her at her place, she didn’t even acknowledge I was in the room. The only reason I still have contact is my sister and my kids. (Prior to the virtually not speaking, I’d chewed her a new one for her blatant favortism of my son over my daughter. I doubt it helped our relationship, but that’s beyond saving. Two way street and all that.)

          4. Elsadora*

            Justforthiscomment:

            I am sorry. Men, even fathers, I am afraid, just don’t get it. I suffered a rape when I was eight years old. Even now, I still get chills think about my own father’s reaction upon hearing what happened to me. I was standing, crying in the hallway, listening to my mother and him talking about me behind closed doors. It was Thanksgiving. I know what a thing to confess on Thanksgiving of all days, right? When I heard him say to her, what do you want me to do about it, she let it happen? That right there was the last straw for our relationship. It was never the same after that. There were other things going on in our family too, that led to my choosing to further estrange myself from him, but like you, I got the bitter end of judgement from other family members. How could you treat him like that? He is your dad. Unless you were there, you have no right to judge another’s relationship.

    4. BethRA*

      Agreed! I’m really impressed with your thoughtfulness and emotional intelligence throughout (thinking about how to communicate to her, going to the EAP to take care of your own issues, etc.).

      I hope I never have to deal with something this challenging at work, but if I do, I hope I handle it half as well.

  2. AD*

    Thank you for the update, OP. It sounds like you took a very thoughtful approach and it sounds like (hopefully) all will be well.

    Out of curiosity, how did the busybody react? I’m wondering if they were contrite and even realized why what they did was odd and inconsiderate.

  3. Detective Amy Santiago*

    Thank you for the update! I think you handled this in the best possible way.

  4. I'm a tailors apprentice*

    I am so happy this turned out well. OP, I think you handled this with such grace and compassion.
    Also, good for you for saying something to the office busybody about sharing news like this.

    1. Jerry Vandesic*

      I think it is too soon to say anything about how it turned out. “Then I left her to read the letter. I did not see her for the rest of the day, and she came into work the next day and so far she seems to be doing okay.”

      It’s less than 24 hours, with very little activity. So, has Jane said anything about this situation? For all the OP knows Jane is not OK, and is not happy about what has happened. Everything might be fine, but there is too little to go on at this point. How about an update after things have sunk in, maybe in a month?

  5. Kelly L.*

    So good to hear. I think your letter idea was great–she could decide when and where to tackle it.

  6. Amber Rose*

    OP, it sounds like you handled this in the best, most sensitive way possible for something so awful. You are a kind person and I wish the best for you and Jane. Thanks for the update!

  7. Always in email jail*

    Thank you for giving us an update. You sound like a good person and manager and I’m glad it seems to have worked out.

  10. the_scientist*

    OP, you sound like a good manager and a thoughtful, compassionate person. Your employees are lucky to have you.

    2. Lily Rowan*

      Agreed. I wish everyone in such a difficult situation had such a compassionate and thoughtful boss. (I literally tried to think of other words, but compassionate and thoughtful are the ones!)

    3. Fiennes*

      Indeed. This kind of care and thoughtfulness can only come from a very good manager.

    4. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

      Very much agreed. This update was so compassionate and heartfelt and indicated a great deal of personal integrity. Thank you for sharing it with us, OP.

  12. Aphrodite*

    I want to add my congratulations too on the way you handled both Jane–which was particularly well done–and the busybody. Sensitive, caring. I feel sure that Jane feels good about your management style. Best of luck to you going forward.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      Yep, ditto from me. OP, your actions here are exemplary. You came to AAM with a question and you ended up teaching us. Thank you for sharing, so that we are wiser and thank you for being a good boss.

  15. Myrin*

    OP, I can only echo the comments before mine that you seem like such a caring and kind person and a good supervisor – I highly commend you!

  16. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

    Thank you for being you. Lots of good thoughts to you and Jane. I truly wish you both the absolute best.

  17. Wakeen's Teapots Ltd.*

    Your gentle spirit in all of this just made me cry, at work. I hope you are treated with such kindness in return one day, should you be in need.

        1. SouthernLadybug*

          Yes. It’s a difficult situation, but your caring and efforts to the best way to address it gives me hope. It’s nice to see caring bosses on here – not just the crazy. I wish you and Jane the best.

    2. SansaStark*

      Something about the boss leaving his office to work in the conference room so Jane had some space to read and react in her own way just grabbed my heart.

    3. Whats In A Name*

      Yup. Cried and broke out in goosebumps. This just melted me; so sincere and selfless.

    4. Not So NewReader*

      OP, I have every confidence that at a time when you most need it this act of thoughtfulness and selflessness will come back to benefit you. I know that is NOT why you did it. Which is exactly the reason why it will come back.

  18. Anon for this*

    OP, you absolutely rock and this makes me feel so much better about humans in general. She might never be able to convey her thanks – but I can almost guarantee you she feels it. If she’s anything like me, she was likely overcome with gratitude at your compassionate response.

    THANK YOU for being the person who didn’t blow this off.

    1. the_scientist*

      More generally, I think the OP deserves kudos for believing Jane without reservation, for being in her corner, and for being an ally to survivors of sexual assault. The world needs more men like this.

    2. TootsNYC*

      Or, she may not be overcome with gratitude. I don’t know that I would be.

      But the OP can know that he/she did a compassionate and considerate and well-intentioned thing to the best of his/her ability.

      And hopefully Jane will think so as well, even if she isn’t overcome with gratitude.

      2. Candi*

        Well, I expect there’s one kind of gratitude that Jane is feeling -gratitude to the LW for his discretion, including handwriting the letter, so it’s absolutely private. It puts control squarely in her hands. That’s incredibly important. And as comments on the original letter pointed out, this is not the kind of thing you want running around the office; it’s just too messy.

  19. Jessesgirl72*

    Thank you for the update! You absolutely handled this terrible situation in the best possible way. Best wishes for both you and Jane in the future!

  20. Anon for this*

    P.S. I know Alison has put the kibosh on nominations for Worst Boss of the Year but how does she feel about nominations for the best one?

    :-)

    3. MoinMoin*

      I think she’s stated before that she doesn’t want a best boss nomination because it can seem like a blanket endorsement for someone that isn’t always great in other ways or something, but I’d still really love it if there was a “Best Moments in Bossing” award to counteract the feeling of misanthropic resignation for humanity I get when I read through all the Worst Boss nominations.
      OP, I’m really impressed by your consideration in all aspects of this and it warms my cold, cynic’s heart.

      2. Augusta Sugarbean*

        I’d be in favor of some sort of round up like this. I’m job hunting and my current managers are garbage. After reading some of the posts here, I sometimes worry I could be walking into a worse environment. It’d be a morale boost to have “Best Moments in Bossing” posts to read and re-read to set my mind at ease.

        And nthing the well done, OP.

      3. PlainJane*

        Great idea! The list of nominees would be a nice summary of good stuff to do when you’re a boss, and it would be great to recognize something positive.

      4. No presents for me*

        I like that! Maybe Alison could create a “Best Moments in Bossing” tag?

        1. Nancie*

          But it’s probably best not to tag this one, unfortunately. Despite the anonymity, I think it’s far too personal to bring any extra attention to it.

    5. Tiger Snake*

      I still like the idea of a ‘best update’ or ‘best improvement’ award. I think this is definitely a nomination for that prize.

  22. Janice in Accounting*

    You handled this in such a lovely, thoughtful, compassionate way. Thank you for your example.

  23. Anon For This*

    I am crossposting this from the original thread, this is my own comment:
    —————————————————————-
    “I have posted further up in the comments (recovered victim).
    I’ve visualized having the uncle of my assaulter be my boss, and in spite of having processed everything decades ago, it made me feel ill. So I understand the reaction of Letter Writer’s report.

    Letter Writer, you did good.
    Putting myself in report’s shoes, your solution made me feel safe. It was done with a gentle hand. (Gee, I’m starting to tear up in gratitude. Ahem.) Thank you for being responsible, sensitive, professional.
    I envy the people working for you, and whoever you significant other is.

    Putting myself in *your* shoes, I think you’ve acquired important management experience. I’m glad you got over your initial panic. I know being the big potentially scary guy also is not easy.
    It is good you both have the option of organically putting professional distance between you with the new managers coming in, if need be.

    Thank you. *blows nose* “

    2. Mabel*

      I also think it’s fine that the OP didn’t respond immediately to the email sent around by the busybody. It’s hard to know what to do when emotions are high, and there’s nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you want to do (or not do). I think most of your colleagues will have forgotten about it by now, and if they haven’t said anything to you about it, it’s probably because they thought it was odd that the email came from the busybody and not from you. And hopefully the busybody will be more circumspect in the future when considering spreading information about other people.

  24. animaniactoo*

    OP, thank you for this update. I think that your final approach really did take the best of all worlds in terms of advice that you were given both by Alison and the commenters, and working with RAINN to tailor your approach from you as an individual to Jane as an individual.

    Thank you for your sensitivity to Jane, and I hope that everything really works out well in the end, one way or the other. You are a very good egg.

  25. Cassandra*

    OP, you are a standup person who is clearly amazing to work for. I hope you come to feel satisfied with how you handled this (I completely understand that you may be feeling All The Weirdness And Ick still), and I also hope Jane feels better about the whole thing.

    Bravo bravissimo.

  28. Aurion*

    Thank you, OP, for how kindly you handled this. I don’t know if Jane will be able to convey her thanks, but I think we the commentariat can do so in her place. Your employees are lucky to have you.

  29. Sunshine*

    I really can’t come up with one thing that you could have done differently or better, OP. Kudos, and thank you.

  30. Emi.*

    Thank you for the update, and commendations on your empathy and consideration.

    It was suggested in the comments that she should be moved out of your reporting/managing chain, if only to avoid the appearance of a conflict of interest. Is anything like that in the works?

    1. MoinMoin*

      It sounds like with the 2 incoming managers mentioned in the second to last paragraph, it might be a possibility if the report would like, but OP hasn’t broached the subject.

  31. Emmie*

    You handled this so well, and very thoughtfully. My heart goes out to both you and Jane for navigating such a difficult situation. Thank you for the update and for telling us how to handle this situation if we are ever faced with it.

  32. Corky's wife Bonnie*

    This is a wonderful update, you really went the extra mile by getting help to sort this out and I wish more bosses were more like you! :-)

  33. Lana Kane*

    You sounds like a very thoughtful person, and this served you well in navigating this difficult situation. Not just with Jane, but also in what you said to the office busybody.

    I hope this all smooths over for everyone.

  35. TootsNYC*

    Re: the busybody–

    I think your instinct about a “reply all” was a good one. You don’t want to scold the busybody in front of everybody, and I also think you don’t want to come across as someone who would ditch their entire family because one person struggled with an addition. Nobody needs to (or wants to) know all the details of why you’ve distanced yourself from your family (well, the busybody probably does).

    But I love, love that you really made it be about everybody–the idea that ANYone might want to choose FOR THEMSELVES whether their family news (whether bad or good) is shared with the office at large.

    1. NK*

      Completely agree. And there are a ton of reasons someone might not want this kind of news shared widely. I lost a cousin (who I was on good terms with) unexpectedly a few years back, and while I certainly didn’t keep it secret among coworkers, I was more comfortable just sharing with my small team. I would have been uncomfortable if something had been emailed to my larger (~40 person) organization and I received a bunch of sympathy emails. I managed my emotions well at work but I think it would have been harder for me if someone made a big thing of it at work. I know people even more private than me who simply prefer to keep this stuff out of the office and don’t want to receive shows of sympathy at all.

      1. Lynxa*

        If someone had sent a company-wide e-mail after my stepdad died (suddenly, unexpectedly) it would have DESTROYED me. Work is where I went for things to feel normal, and I would have hated having to dodge well-meaning people.

    2. Jeanne*

      Yes. The reply all could have caused more gossip and curiosity. By letting it go, many will forget or not care.

  36. SarahKay*

    Thank you, OP, for giving us the follow-up, and, more importantly, for your care and attention and thoughtfulness in working through the situation. You sound like a truly awesome boss, and person.

  37. Katie*

    So glad to hear an update on this. This was a really tough situation, but it sounds like you handled it as kindly and sensitively as possible.

  39. stk*

    OP, that’s a really difficult and horrible situation that you have handled with class. I bet you made all the difference in the world to Jane. That’s the sort of empathy and skill in management I’d like to one day be able to exhibit myself.

  40. BookishMiss*

    This update made me tear up. Very well done, OP. Thank you for being compassionate and gentle. Your org is lucky to have you.

  41. Isobel*

    Thank you for the update!

    I can’t imagine this being handled in a better way. You’re right OP, there was no easy answer. I really appreciate how you managed to give her space on this and did not make it about you. I think the handwritten note, delivered in person, was perfect because it allowed the transaction to have a personal touch, without any pressure on her to respond. (By the way, I think it is perfectly fine and somewhat likely that she will not respond.)

  42. Lil Lamb*

    I really hope Jane is doing okay. I’m sure that all of this has been so stressful for her, but I imagine if nothing else your response might relieve some of her confusion–at least she doesn’t have to worry that her job is on the line etc. etc. Awesome job, OP

  43. Erin*

    I did not comment on the original post…

    (Side note to regular readers or anyone who might care: in general I’ve been commenting much less frequently on here because I was on maternity leave and busy with a baby and now I’m busy back at work :) I used to comment a LOT back when I had a job with a lot more free time, but I still read regularly.)

    ANYway. I did not comment before but I’d read it to my husband and we were both thinking of you and hoping everything turned out okay. Thank you for updating Alison so quickly.

    My only insight is I think you did the right thing in not offering to be a reference for her/help her find another job. Even though I and other readers 100% understand your good intentions, I think that would have been too risky. That might have been all she heard, instead of, “I think you’re a great employee and want you to stay here as much as that makes sense for you.” It would have been too easy for her to think, Wait, is he saying he’s uncomfortable with me here and wants me to leave? (Which I’m sure you took into consideration.)

    Sounds like you handled it as best as can be!

  44. Thoughts*

    OP, you handled this so well. It is admirable that you recognized a situation and reached out for the proper tools to handle such a delicate situation.

  45. Cecilia In A Green Dress*

    Yet another comment to say that I think this was an excellent response by OP. You seem like a good egg, as my grandmother would say.

  46. Relly*

    I am in awe of your compassion, sensitivity, and heart. It sounds like you absorbed all of the information from the other post and did your damnedest to make sure that you handled this in a way that let Jane know you were on her side, without placing her on the spot or putting her in an awkward position. You are a good person, and you didn’t just do a good thing — you were thorough in making sure you did it in the most careful way possible.

  47. Feathers McGraw*

    You are a wonderful person who handled this beautifully. I’m sorry for all you yourself have gone through, and awed by the compassion and selflessness with which you handled this.

    There aren’t enough good people in the world, but there are some. You are one of them. I am off to wipe my eyes as I seem to have something in them…

      1. Candi*

        It’s the invisible onion-chopping ninja. (I didn’t come up with them, just borrowed them.)

  48. MWKate*

    It sounds like you did exactly the right thing OP. I really hope this alleviates any worry or fear Jane may have been feeling when the connection was revealed.

  49. Jeanne*

    Using RAINN and therapy to figure out your thoughts and your approach was great. Therapy works best for those willing to learn. I hope that you and Jane don’t have any problems.

  51. Chriama*

    The thing I’m most impressed by is how well you considered things from outside your own perspective.
    You acknowledged you were out of your depth, spent time contacting people with more expertise (AAM, RAINN), considered how you come across to others (as a big guy who can be seen as intimidating) and did everything you could to make her feel safe. You didn’t shy away from something because it was uncomfortable, you didn’t assume you understood how other people feel or think, and you didn’t insist that your perspective was the correct one.
    Have you heard of the invisible knapsack? Your actions were like the exact opposite of that. I appreciate hearing about your compassion and consideration for others as well as your willingness to check your own privilege and be aware of your blind spots.

  52. irritable vowel*

    I really commend you for the amount of time and thought you put into addressing this – well done!

  53. Leenie*

    Well done. I am relieved that you didn’t offer to help Jane look for work or immediately transfer her. Those things, though well intentioned, may have made her feel insecure about her future with your company. I think you handled this situation as well as you possibly could have. Even if Jane never responds, or on the off chance she responds in a negative way, you clearly reacted to an unimaginable situation with thoughtfulness and compassion. That’s all that could be asked.

  54. lazuli*

    What a lovely, thoughtful, self-reflective way of approaching the issue. Definite kudos to you!

    I would also strongly urge you to understand that even if you did everything “right,” Jane may still be freaking out, and if she responds “badly,” that’s not a reflection on your actions. She has her own healing to do, and may just not be at a place in her life where she can work with her rapist’s uncle, no matter how caring and ethical a man he is. If she does end up leaving or transferring, please know that’s not necessarily a reflection on you. (You seem self-aware enough to understand that, but I worry a bit about the commenters hoping that Jane responds “well.” For a lot of survivors, having the strength and self-awareness to recognize that working with their rapist’s uncle is bad for their own mental health and therefore setting a boundary and walking away *is* responding “well.” Assault and abuse survivors are often taught to prioritize everyone else’s needs but their own, so standing up for what they actually need is a part of healing.)

    1. Anon For This*

      That is a very good thought.
      Jane has all the permission in the world to freak out, not ever answer, or leave the group.
      As long as nobody (including herself) is endangered or maligned, almost any response is legitimate.

      Letter Writer, this a very common experience in the medical field btw – you help people and then have to let go. 99% of the time, you don’t get obvious gratitude, or even find out what became of them.
      And you don’t have to, because it’s about them, not you.
      But your reward is having done it! 1,000 times!
      <3

  55. Hrovitnir*

    Just adding to the pile of “good work”s. I’m glad you spoke with RAINNE and they were helpful. We can’t know how Jane felt but I think that was about the best way you could deal with a really tricky situation.

  56. On the medium, not the message*

    Thanks to the letter writer for the update. This was handled most delicately. Kudos.

  57. Luna Schlosser*

    OP I just want to say what an outstanding manager I think you are. You handled this so well both for yourself and for Jane, I dream of someday working with a manager like you. Well done!

  58. Candi*

    Whoot! Go, LW! Awesome way to handle this.

    I hope you can update us in a month or three and tell us how Jane’s doing. Even if it’s same old same old, except she has a different report line or whatever.

  59. ThanksDude*

    Thank you so much for your compassion towards Jane. I’m in a similar situation myself (smallish town, unusual last name) and it just makes me feel so much better about the world in general. I hope you know that your compassion and moral decency touch lives other than Jane’s; I’m in Australia and it’s amazing to feel like there are decent people in what’s an incredibly difficult situation for all. Thank you, sir.

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