let’s talk about differences in office culture by country and region

by Alison Green on February 1, 2018

A reader write:

On a recent post about interrupting coworkers with headphones, I was charmed by some UK readers’ accounts of their offices’ tea-related rituals. I thought it might be fun to have an open thread about idiosyncratic aspects of readers’ office cultures and any differences people have noticed between one country/region and another.

One example I have is a former office that was located in a rural neighbourhood (it was a renovated house). In the summer, the ice cream truck would often come by our street in the middle of nowhere because they were guaranteed the business of about 20 adults who apparently all lived together and had nothing to do during the day except wait for ice cream. Eventually one of my coworkers learned that we could actually call up the ice cream truck ourselves and the situation quickly descended into chaos. (This was definitely not the weirdest thing about that office, but it was one of the more acceptable for a public forum.)

Let’s do it. Readers who work outside the U.S., what’s different about your office culture that you think might surprise American readers? And everyone else, what differences have you noticed when you work in other places (either in another country or in different region of the U.S.)?

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  1. DouDou Paille*

    I’m American, but when I worked in London a few years back, I was pleasantly surprised to find that even though the official start time was 9am, most people rolled in around 9:30-10am, and left quite late by American standards (ie 6-6:30pm) with no negative repercussions. Also, many people went to the pub at lunch for a beer or two, and/or hit the pub after work, before going home. (The fact that most were dependent on public transit rather then cars made this very do-able.) It was a more relaxed atmosphere than I have ever seen in the US. Maybe this is not true at button-down London law firms, but it was definitely the case in that publishing company.

    1. EA*

      I noticed that when I interned in France too, people worked more spread out hours. They came in at 9:30, took a long lunch, and then worked later. I like to come in early so I can leave early, so this didn’t exactly work for me.

      French people (and other Europeans I met) were much less positive than Americans. It isn’t rude in their culture, but I think it comes off as rude to people who are not familiar. I loved it, because I find the American overly friendly always happy think insincere and annoying, but I imagine some people would not like it.

        1. paul*

          I’m 8-4, and I like it that way. I’ll live without a lunch break, and have a banana and protien bar at my desk, thanks.

          1. Berlina*

            In Germany you are required by law to take a 30 minute break for a 6 hour work day / 45 minute break for a regular 8 hours work day, so even if you didn’t take it, the work you did meanwhile does not count into your official work time.

              1. Tuesday Next*

                In South Africa we have that sort of law but it’s never been enforced in any office I’ve worked in (probably would be in food or retail). People work through lunch and leave early, or work through lunch and leave at the normal time, or take a lunch of anywhere between 20 minutes and an hour.

                1. ALadyfromBrazil*

                  Here, usually in business with 100+ employees, its mandatory having biometric controlling of the workers time of entry/leave/lunch….. Now I’m thinking its a weird thing. I don’t have to do this in my government job.

            2. Weyrwoman*

              This is true in the US as well – many companies AFAIK can get into trouble if they get audited and it turns out people aren’t using their mandated 30min lunches.

              1. Sterling*

                It depends on the type of employee. If you are exempt you can often get away with skipping lunch. I do the same as mentioned above. I work my 8 hrs with no lunch so I can leave early and miss rush hour.

              2. Cath*

                I recently learned that Arizona has no break time laws, so they can basically make you do whatever they want.

                2. Lindsay J*

                  Texas too.

                  One of my unsavory former employers used that logic to treat employees like they were getting a favor for getting a 30 minute break when they were working double shifts in the hot sun because “well legally we don’t have to give you anything at all.”

                3. Dwight*

                  Regarding Texas, would this be a good time to revisit the infamous memo-happy tyrant boss of the 70s? Seems like it’s been a while since those jewels made the rounds.

              3. Andraste's Knicker Weasels*

                That varies by state, unfortunately. Michigan has no mandated work breaks for anyone 18+.

                1. SadMichigander*

                  As a fellow Michigander, I can attest that this is true. My last job made employees work 17 hour shifts with nothing more than a bathroom break or two. I loved the job’s mission but I only made it four months.

            3. RandomGermanGuy*

              No you are not.

              Or rather, it depends: If you have one of those more junior jobs where you are supposed to actually logging in your hours by means of scanning a key card, well this might be a thing.

              But almost all jobs I ever had run on the concept of „Vertrauensarbeitszeit“ meaning you write down the hours you worked and the firm trusting you.

      2. MLiz*

        I think this has a lot to do with positive and negative politeness. Iirc, Americans (and most anglophile cultures?) practice positive politeness while many continental Europeans practice negative politeness.

        This is a very very broad generalization, of course.

        1. Natalie*

          Can you elaborate a little bit more on what positive/negative politeness means? I haven’t heard of that.

          1. Jesca*

            I agree. I am definitely curious. I am struggling to describe the way it was in Poland. I just know that once I finally returned to the US, everything just seemed loud and busy … and in that moment I found I actually enjoy loud and busy!

          2. KatTheRussian (France)*

            The way I understand it (am not MLiz, though), is that positive politeness is about signaling to others that you are there to help. You ask someone how they’re doing, whether there’s anything you can do for them, be interested in their life in general, and joke around.
            Negative politeness is thinking that it’s polite to not bother other people, not impose on them, and so limit the interactions you have with others, as well as apologize more often than joke, which may be perceived as “cold” by someone who practives positive politeness.

              1. CheeryO*

                I visited Seattle last year and had to laugh when I was coming back home (not to Minnesota but to another Great Lakes area city that prides itself on its friendliness) – our gate at the airport was complete culture shock with everyone laughing and telling stories to strangers at max volume. I totally prefer the Seattle freeze!

                1. Only here for the teapots*

                  Seattle native/expat. I think the ‘freeze’ came from only 40% of the population being born there (probably even lower percentage now). With so many tourists/newcomers, we liked to wait a bit to see if people settle down to Cascadian life.
                  Tourists were usually considered interlopers in our little corner of the world, but grunge/Microsoft/Amazon changed all that. I thankfully left for a then-unspoiled part of the PNW in 2003 though, so YMMV.

                2. Polaris*

                  This is so interesting to me as a Seattle native – I’m now a transplant to Boston, and I find Seattle much more openly friendly, but both similar in the way that people are friendly and polite during “small” exchanges (buying coffee, holding doors for the person behind you, being willing to help someone who’s lost, etc). I think both cities are careful about not imposing on other people unless it’s necessary or we’re pretty sure it would be welcome (you might talk to a stranger after you’ve exchanged a Look with each other over some small annoyance, for example).

                3. Optimistic Prime*

                  @Polaris – same, but in opposite direction. I’m a Seattle transplant, moved here from New York, and I find Seattleites to be much more openly friendly than East Coasters (and especially New Yorkers). But that’s probably because this post made me realize that I am *totally* a negative politeness kind of person.

                4. Rumple Fugly*

                  I’m a negative politeness person and I’ve lived all over, but I still found the Seattle culture to be… Not even cold, because people are friendly, but people are also extremely passive aggressive and kind of judgy. I found the culture to be kind of hostile, I guess? Like not just around actual confrontations, just normal interactions are so often peppered with little snippy comments, even from people you don’t know. Drove me insane.

                  When I mentioned it to local friends they’d say some stuff about Scandinavian culture this that or the other but my family’s from Norway and that ain’t an import.

              2. Manders*

                My theory on the Seattle Freeze is that it’s a quieter variation of the kind of brusqueness you get in New York. Most people live in tight quarters, commute on public transit, work in open offices, and socialize in crowded spaces. Politely pretending not to notice each other is a substitute for actual privacy.

                I have noticed that it’s very hard to get a firm RSVP from people here, and “let’s get coffee sometime” is not actually a plan most people intend to follow through on.

                1. Sterling*

                  I live in Seattle and moved here from the South. The way people act if I smile at them in public has me laughing. they act so put out. and NO ONE holds doors or elevators for others. I have had men close the door right in my face. the Seattle freeze isn’t just that people don’t want to be bothered but that people are very much involved in their own world to the point they don’t bother to acknowledge there are other people in the world as well.

                2. Lissa*

                  Ehhh, I like talking about these differences but it’d be nice if we could do it without implying the way it is where someone else is “worse” or that people are more self-involved/worse people in one region than another. Some people prefer the Southern-style culture and others the Seattle culture but I’d imagine there’s culture shock in either direction.

                3. Scoobs*

                  Manders hit the nail on the head re: motivations behind different attitudes. I was raised in the South and moved to New York, and since coming here have found that the stereotypes of New Yorkers being rude are just… inaccurate. It’s just a different form of politeness, of making sure you’re not demanding a commodity that’s already in very limited supply – usually space, time, and/or privacy. Don’t touch me, don’t look at me, don’t talk to me if you don’t know me.

                  The big exception being that people are usually shockingly good about jumping in if they see someone in need of help – from a lost-looking person in a non-tourist place (think UWS instead of Times Square), to a mom needing help carrying a stroller up a flight of subway stairs, to last year when that scaffolding collapsed and people literally sprinted from all directions to pull people out. It’s pretty cool.

                  Contrast with much of the South where it’s polite to take your time, make small talk, treat everyone as an individual, pretend that you’re buddies instead of two strangers engaging in a business, etc. THAT’S polite because there is (for the most part, by comparison) less of a constant strain on the aforementioned commodities and a different cultural attitude in general.

                  Neither are wrong, just different. (Also, FWIW, despite being born in the South and having lived there for several decades, New York attitude is my JAM.)

                4. Cerephic*

                  Sterling – what you’re doing is actually rude and invasive. It’s not that people in big cities are “self-involved in our own little worlds” or any other negative spin, but when you’re in a city that’s dense, people value their personal space very highly. Personal space can be hard to come by in a city, we do the very best we can by granting a sort of emotional personal space –
                  not forcing interaction with every person we pass by, but without crashing into them.

                  There’s probably a lot of body language cues you’re missing, where people acknowledge the other person in the space without demanding the validation of eye contact or verbal chatter.
                  This is called “civil inattention” – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_inattention – it’s a respectful and kind way of not imposing yourself on others and their limited emotional energy.
                  I was raised in the South, and I live in NYC now – it’s a different form of respect and politeness, and there’s no reason to not adapt to different forms.

                5. PhyllisB*

                  It’s funny that you mention the brusqueness in New York. When I was in college (early 70’s) I went on a college trip to NYC and had been warned that New Yorkers were RUDE!!!!!!!! Well, we didn’t get that at all. From our taxi ride from the airport to just meeting random people on the street we were treated with nothing but kindness. Our taxi driver pointed out points of interest on the way to our hotel and when we would ask someone on the street for directions not only would they give us the information, but they would usually tell us about something interesting that wasn’t listed in the guidebooks. Of course, we were young and earnest, but also polite, and Southern. (I’ve discovered you get two reactions to a Southern accent. Either people are totally charmed, or they write you off as an ignorant hillbilly.) Luckily we met mostly the former. But also I tend to believe you get back what you put out. If you are friendly and smile at people, most of the time they will respond in kind. If you are brusque you will get that back. Is this 100% accurate? Of course not, but I would rather be friendly even if the person I encounter doesn’t respond in kind.

                6. Elizabeth West*

                  This is common in London too, the only extremely big city I’ve spent much time in. On public transport, you are crowded up against strangers, especially during the peak hours of the day. The only space that’s totally yours is inside your head. I’ve seen the same phenomenon in busy airports.

                  But it’s funny how people can suddenly become human again. I was standing outside Richmond Station waiting for the bus with a bunch of other commuters one night. A bus going the opposite way stopped abruptly, and a car hit it. Then another car hit the car. Suddenly everyone waiting started to look at each other, and say “Oh dear,” and “Did you see that?” I actually got into a conversation with a nice woman and her two children!

                7. Annoyed*

                  “Politely pretending not to notice each other is a substitute for actual privacy.”

                  This. Also (IME) I think many of us (not all to be sure) are kind of introverts. Not shy but really preferring to not be required to interact with others on our own time.

              3. Traffic_Spiral*

                Something that I think is never discussed about the Seattle Freeze is how much it contributes to a society that’s actually accepting of different people – and not just in a tumblr “you must be my kind of liberal or else” sort of way. The PNW does not care if you want to be a gun nut, or a libertarian, or a mormon, or a vegetarian in a polyamorous treehouse commune, or a Church-Every-Sunday-type, because that would mean getting involved in someone else’s business and We Don’t Do That.

                Just don’t litter and don’t intrude on others, and everyone’s quite happy to leave you be.

                1. Annoyed*

                  “Just don’t litter and don’t intrude on others, and everyone’s quite happy to leave you be.”

                  So much this.

                  Also the weather. A couple weeks ago it was one of those cool, slightly foggy, slightly misty over the tops of the trees, with just a touch of sea in the air type mornings.

                  I took my coffee out on to the patio and told the cat “this is why we live here.”

              1. Starbuck*

                Likewise; I’m in the PNW and it seems kind of common here? I prefer not to be bothered, and definitely err on the side of not interacting with people (strangers in public for example) if I have a choice. I get easily frustrated by interruptions or people stopping me in public unless I know them well.

              2. designbot*

                Me too! This is my whole family, we are negative polite! I often feel like I have trouble making friends, and notice that people who make friends easily ask a million questions that feel really intrusive to me. I can tell others seem to respond well to it, but in my mind I’m going, “don’t ask how their relationship’s going! If they wanted to share that they would have! Don’t ask about their sick dog, what if it’s died?!”

                1. michelel*

                  designbot, yes! I approach conversations as “bring up only generalities, let the other person introduce personal topics”, while most people around me ask specific personal questions. I definitely figure that people will bring up topics they want to discuss themselves!

              3. Lindsay J*

                Totally a negative politeness person. Both in personality and I think because of where I was raised.

                Moving to Texas was difficult at first because it is much more of a positive politeness culture, and I was struggling to not come off as rude while not entirely understanding why I was perceived as rude at first.

                And also, generally I like the more overt friendliness. But one thing that took getting used to was the speed of fast food at the drive thru. (It’s other transactions at stores, too, but drive-thrus where where I was usually in more of a rush compared to places like a grocery store where I’ve blocked out more time. I was used to it being like 5 minutes maximum to go through even a busy drive-thru. Say the order all at once. Pay. Get bag of food shoved at you.
                Leave. Here it can take like 30 minutes because of all the little niceties in conversation in your transaction and with every single person in front of you in the line. But it’s also a bit more human from both sides.

            3. A.N.O.N.*

              Born, raised and currently living in NYC, and positive politeness makes me uncomfortable and borderline annoyed.

              2. Lindsay J*

                It always made me wonder what they wanted from me. Are they “just” being friendly (which is still taking my time and attention if I was planning on doing something like listening to music and now I can’t), or are they going to hit on me, solicit me for money, try to get me to join their cult?

                1. iglwif*

                  YES. I live in Toronto, which is like NYC in this way. I grew up in Alberta, which has a bit more positive-politeness going on, and honestly … I really prefer the negative version because I am an introvert and when I’m riding the subway alone with earbuds in I am enjoying that time to myself and do not want to talk to strangers. We got a dog recently and I discovered that when you ride the bus with a cute puppy, all normal rules of Toronto transit etiquette are suspended, which has kind of thrown me for a loop…

              3. Willow R*

                I’m British, and I regularly visit NYC. I love it there. One of my favourite places in the world, and a good part of it is the attitude. Before my first visit, I’d gotten all of the usual warnings – “Everyone is so unfriendly”, “People are MEAN” etc, etc. It hasn’t been my experience at all. People just…get on with things, usually rather quickly. But they’ll help – and often without being asked. On my first morning, someone showed me how to buy my Metro card, gave advice on the crucial ‘Local’ vs ‘Express’ thing with the trains, and it made so much of a difference.

                I don’t tend to need help/directions/advice much anymore – I’ve paid it forward a few times by helping other tourists with the subway – but I won’t let anyone tell me it’s an unfriendly city. Just walk faster, stand aside if you need to stop, and for god’s sake don’t block the top of the stairs exiting the subway because, seriously, people.

                1. Jennifer Juniper*

                  If you block the train doors, I will run you over. I am very large and move very fast.

            4. Arlene*

              As a North Carolinian living in New England, this frames my culture shock perfectly. I didn’t know there was a name for it, thank you!!

              1. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

                Even going from the midwest to the South, I found the difference pretty shocking. The niceness was so sugary sweet, that it seemed fake.

            5. Cristina in England*

              Wow. You’ve just described my mother in a way that took me years to figure out. She is negatively polite but she is the only one of us who is, so it often comes across as just not caring enough to ask/call/get involved.

              1. Mabel*

                I had never heard of this until reading these comments. I usually don’t want to be nosy or bother people, so I guess I’m negative polite. But I have no problem talking to strangers in public. I had to learn that one; I used to be mortified when my then-partner would strike up conversations with people on the commuter train. I’m also pretty shy, so I have to work at being friendly so people don’t think I’m unfriendly.

              2. Optimistic Prime*

                I’m always nervous about being perceived this way, because I’m definitely negative polite. I think about my friends and family all the time, but I too don’t want to be perceived as nosy or bother someone who wants to be left alone, so I contact them far less often than I think or care about them.

          3. Aunt Vixen*

            In sociolinguistics, as I remember it, a positive politeness strategy minimizes the distance between speakers and a negative politeness strategy emphasizes it. So e.g. calling your girlfriend’s father “sir” the first time you meet him, which many or most of us would agree counts as being polite, is a negative politeness strategy. (Which was a lot to get my head around as a freshman, I tell you what.) Likewise, inviting your daughter’s boyfriend to call you by your first name – also polite – is a positive politeness strategy. See Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson, Politeness: Some universals in language usage (Cambridge University Press, 1987).

            KatTheRussian’s description and the subsequent thread sound about right to me based on this definition as well – of course there’s a lot more to interaction than just language.

          4. MLiz*

            sorry guys, I was still working/wrapping up my day and had a sudden request for clarifications, I totally lost the thread.

            There are already some explanations down below (thanks for coming through everyone :)). Here’s the wiki article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politeness_theory

            I came upon this a few years ago, honestly, because working with my American colleagues was SO VERY EXHAUSTING with all the chit chat and the empty “I met you on a flight but now you’re my best friend and you just HAVE to come visit me” stuff (yeah that happened really, never heard from that person ever again). Being continental European myself, and having been called rude especially by American colleagues (and members of Latin nations), when being on my very best behaviour and perfectly polite I did some research and came about positive and negative politeness (this was long before wiki times). It often gets mixed up with direct/indirect way to say and ask for things, which it is indeed related to.

            I think it helps simply being aware of it, especially when coming from a positive politeness angle and facing negative politeness, because I think rudeness is a really bad thing to start off with especially in business. At the same time, by now I’ve gotten quite used to the positive politeness way of doing things, though I don’t practice it myself. I just plan it into my interactions and don’t think it’s an affectation anymore (sorry guys, I was…young?), though it still annoys me when I’m exposed to it for prolonged times. And note, you can run as afoul with positive politeness as with negative politeness, so treat carefully when you’re unsure of general culture.

            1. J*

              Thank you so much for this. I’m in a region that is very much “positive polite” but I’m an introvert and my mind works more in a “negative polite” way. This will help me frame it in a way that hopefully makes me seem less rude.

      3. KT*

        Moving to Canada from Australia, I found the same thing. Canadians (it must be a North American thing) are very friendly, always very positive – not a bad thing! But Australians tend to be more pragmatic and blunt. So in one of my first jobs, I got called out for being rude in what I thought was a perfectly normal, civil interaction.

        1. Catalyst*

          I am in Canada, and have seen this happen to some of the employees I have had that have come from other countries – people think they are being rude when they are just being direct, which is the norm in their culture. I sometimes wonder if I understand it better because I am more on the direct side personally so I am not easily offended.

          1. SI*

            I’m from NY – when I moved to the Midwest (and to the West Coast, for that matter), I was admonished for being straighforward and not couching my language with niceties, etc.: AKA “rude”. I’m a woman, fwiw – which I think was also part of how I was supposed to present myself. I’m pretty sure a man would have been viewed as a strong, no bs sort of guy.

            I’m really not rude at all, I just needed to learn “Midwest Nice”. They compensated by sending me on assignments to the East Coast because I “understood those people”. OK, sure… lol.

            1. Natalie*

              For whatever it’s worth, in my experience men are absolutely expected to conform to Midwestern “Niceness” as well. I’m sure there are still different expectations between men and women, but it’s definitely not the case that unadulterated east coast style would be perfectly okay if it was just coming from a man.

              1. SI*

                I should mention that I’m in banking… I’m definitely describing it from that culture/viewpoint, but I understand your point as well.

            2. Foxtrot*

              This is a coasts vs Midwest thing, not a male vs female thing. Guys can equally be seen as rude and standoffish as women if they don’t conform to the Midwestern expectations.

              1. Traveling Teacher*

                YES. My husband gets in so much trouble with my family when we visit them over this (they’re in the Midwest); he’s European and very much a negative-politeness person!

                1. Birch*

                  I’m from the Midwest and also have a European partner (northern European, where negative politeness is an Olympic sport…). I feel this so hard! Luckily my family was very understanding but he comes across as really stoic and hard when I know him to be a huge softie!

            3. Sarcasm is Caring*

              Yes! And moving East Coast to West Coast, NO one got my dry sense of humor. I’m pretty sarcastic and dry, which is very hip East Coast… but on the West Coast I’m seen as very blunt and rude (which I can totally see). Took a while to realize West Coast is not “I’m teasing you cause I like you” and to stop greatly offending people :/

            4. Artemesia*

              This drove me crazy in the South where being sugary to your face and knifing you in the back seems to be quite an art. Learning to be indirect and clear is tricky and learning what is superficial ‘niceness’ and what is sincere is not easy for people who come from more straightforward cultures. People are excluded from social things, from projects in the workplace, and from opportunity with passive aggression and newbies often don’t realize they have been dismissed or blackballed

              1. Undercover Lady Lawyer*

                Did you pick up on the true meaning of “bless her heart” in the South? It’s the epitome of what you are talking bout.

                1. Lala*

                  There is a lot more nuance to “bless your heart” than people actually give it credit for. There are times when it is genuinely well-meaning, and the nastiness that is assigned to it as the “true meaning” by those who haven’t grown up with it is only even possible because there are times where it’s sincerely well-meant. You have to understand the difference between to fully appreciate it.

                2. Sterling*

                  “Bless your heart” can have a LOT of different meanings. It isn’t just a big F you to people. It can mean that. I can also mean “Oh you poor dear I am so sorry to heart that”. It can mean a lot of things and it really depends on context and tone.

                3. Heather*

                  Both sides of my family are from the South and growing up I pretty much only heard “bless your heart” in a vaguely insulting way. Recently a therapist said “bless your heart” to me during an appointment (we are far from the South) and I had to remind myself not to be offended!

                4. Connie-Lynne*

                  Thank you everyone coming here to defend “Bless Your Heart,” I say it a lot and I swear it drives me nuts all the people who think it only means FU.

                5. Clisby Williams*

                  There isn’t one true meaning of “bless your heart” in the South. It can mean just what it sounds like; it can mean “you’re a complete idiot”; it can mean FU.

              2. Not So NewReader*

                So in this setting what would be an example of something sincere? I see so many comments about statements that do not mean what the statement says. How do people know when to trust someone else’s comment?

            5. VA Tech*

              I’m in the south-ish, and I support a lot of people in NY. Even when I know that they’re not intended to be rude, it often comes across that way. It’s definitely been something that I’ve had to work on as far as not getting offended when I can tell people are probably not trying to be rude.

              1. Retired accountant*

                I was on a conference call once with my boss, and two tax people from New York. It was an intense call, and after it was over I looked at my boss and said “I don’t think they were yelling at us, they’re just from New York.”

            6. EvanMax*

              Years back I went to a student political advocacy (about a specific cause) retreat that was located North of Baltimore, but had students from all over the US (lucky me only had to drive up from DC.) After a particular break-out session the student from Berkley approached me and told me that she felt I didn’t recognize my male-privilege enough when I was speaking (first time I ever heard that term, this was a long time ago.) I made sure to clarify first that she didn’t feel that I was speaking poorly of women, speaking over the women in the group, or in any other way treating the women in the group unfairly, and she said that no, I hadn’t. What I was doing was speaking confidently without considering that others may not feel as comfortable being as direct with their ideas.

              I told her that wasn’t male privilege, that was a combination of where I was born and how my father raised me to speak in public. If I’d been a woman with the same upbringing, I’d have spoken just the same.

              Cut to last night when I was on the phone with my father, talking about my infant daughter, and he was telling me how excited he is to teach her to be fearless speaking in public when she’s old enough to talk at all…

              The West Coast has some nice places and weather, but I honestly don’t think I could survive the culture out there.

              1. Another person*

                Berkeley is its own very specific culture that is very different from much of the West Coast/Southern California.

                1. WOC Californian*

                  Well, the rudest most racist hung ever said to me was said by a lifelong Berkeley resident who claimed to be liberal in a room full of other white Berkeley residents….

                  Several of my POC friends are of the opinion that Berkeley is a very different experience if you are white.

              2. Rune*

                I had half of this. My dad taught me and encouraged me to speak confidently, clearly, and “by god enunciate” which got me in trouble because we lived in the South and I’m a woman. My grandmother’s friends who all spoke with a southern drawl commented multiple times “She doesn’t have a southern accent”, “she doesn’t sound like us”, and “How did that happen?” Even at 7 years old I could tell it wasn’t complimentary coming from them. I remember telling my Dad this and he was so grateful. I grew up speaking differently and adjusting myself to fit but I by far prefer the negative politeness and getting to the point. My Dad grew up in the midwest and his assertiveness probably extended from him being male but he had no qualms teaching his kid those things either.

              3. Optimistic Prime*

                I’m not sure what the anecdote has to do with West Coast culture, though? Liberalness is abundant here, but people also speak confidently and clearly quite often.

                1. EvanMax*

                  It’s not a question of liberalness (we were all of varying shades of the same political persuasion, due to the nature of the event.) It’s the assumption that a certain je ne sais quoi of my manner of speaking (my bluntness/lack of couching things/whatever it was) was a product of my gender, when it was actually a product of my geography.

            7. Lindsay J*

              +1. NJ and moved to Texas.

              I wasn’t outwardly admonished. But I knew people were perceiving me as being rude and I wasn’t sure why as I was being – by my standards – completely polite.

              It took awhile to adjust. I now know what situations I need to engage in softer ways and with more small talk, etc.

              I also compensated by finding an industry where blunt direct communication tends to be the rule rather than the exception.

              It’s actually one of the things I use as a weakness in job interviews, because, honestly I’m still not great at it and if a it’s going to be that big of a cultural mismatch for me I would rather opt out.

          2. Middle School Teacher*

            I agree. I’m also Canadian and also appreciate directness. Sometimes I wish people were a little less polite and more blunt.

          3. Specialk9*

            Both Canada and the US have a markedly higher rate of smiling, as compared to most countries. I read a study that linked frequency of smiles in everyday interactions with immigration rates, with the theory being that when there is a language barrier, people smile more to get the message across and to connect enough to get someone to keep trying to communicate. I know that I can feel myself getting waaaay smilier in another language, to smooth over the awkwardness of my own limitations. So it wouldn’t surprise me if that smiling translated into overall friendliness culture.

        2. Natalie*

          I can’t speak to Canada, but there are places in the US where directness is the dominant communication style – east coast & rust belt for sure, possibly others. My theory is that the indirectness spawns from long, isolated winters, since it’s apparently the dominant style in Scandinavia as well. Clearly something about being stuck in a cabin for months with just your family for company required a lot of passivity to survive.

          1. Sans*

            This is interesting. We are on the East Coast and my boss’ boss is definitely direct and blunt – and I have no problem with it. But we have some midwestern colleagues that are intimidated by her. To me, it’s a relief to hear exactly what’s on her mind and not have to worry if you aren’t reading between the lines correctly. She’s not unfair, she’s not mean, she’s just honest. It always amazes me how many people totally can’t handle that.

            1. Jean*

              I hear you on the whole, “Am I correctly figuring out what the heck this person is trying to say?” thing. My current boss adds so many layers of polite/nice/diffident to his comments that I sometimes leave a meeting having no idea whether I was just reprimanded or complimented.

            2. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

              I’m from the mid-west and I *adored* my boss from New York. She was direct and you knew where you stood. It was fantastic.

          2. Overeducated*

            Or could it be the Scandinavian influence on settlement in the Midwest? Russians are super direct compared to Americans, but it’s very cold there too.

            1. Natalie*

              But are they also isolated? My impression of Russia is that the part that the population is mostly crammed into like, 1/4 of the country.

              1. Trig*

                Russia’s huge though. Most of the Canadian population is along the US-Canada border, so you could probably say the same thing… but it’s a biiiiiig border, and I woudn’t call things crammed!

                1. Natalie*

                  Hmmm, true. But they don’t have the heavy Scandinavian influence… And super indirectness is also common in Japan, which is heavily populated but a small island.

                  I need to go back to the lab.

          3. yet another Kat*

            I’m on the east coast (NYC) but originally from Ukraine, and have (coincidentally) worked with offshore teams in the part of the world, and have also briefly lived in France.

            In my experience there is a positive-negative politeness spectrum, and east coast US falls pretty close to the middle. It’s not as positively polite as the South or some other places I’ve visited, but it’s significantly less negative and less blunt/direct than Eastern Europe, and somewhat less negative than France.

            1. EA*

              I agree with this.

              I’ve lived in upstate NY, DC, Boston, and Paris. I think upstate NY and DC were more positive polite. Boston is in the middle, and Paris is more negative polite than Boston is.

              1. EvanMax*

                DC only seems positive polite because of all of the transplants. The natives are keeping their heads down and keeping the transplants/tourists out of their way.

                1. saf*

                  Huh. DC person here, and my experience of that is the opposite of yours. I find the local folks all very nice, and the temporary types much colder.

                2. Specialk9*

                  EvanMax, interesting, in my 2 decades there, the non-native DC people had the inverse experience. The native DC folks weren’t very friendly, unless they had to know you like working together or dating, but the transient ones were open to becoming friends. I suspect it reflects how people with a network don’t need more people to juggle, but lonely people need to build a network.

            2. General Ginger*

              Same. I’m north of Boston, but originally from Russia, and I’d say the Northeast is significantly more positive/soft than Eastern Europe. It’s always a bit baffling to me when it’s referred to as too rude/too direct by folks from the South.

          4. fposte*

            But I think it’s funny that Minnesota is all about the positive politeness and Scandinavia, especially Sweden, is very much not. Maybe it’s the influence of those ebullient Germans.

            1. LAP*

              “ebullient”? Hmm, that didn’t describe my experience. Both my grandfathers were full-blooded German and that word doesn’t describe them at all. I was raised in MN and I kind of know what you mean about “positive politeness”, but maybe that’s more of an American thing

                1. fposte*

                  Yes, it was tongue in cheek. There presumably are ebullient Germans, but they don’t seem to have been highly represented in the immigrants to the Midwest.

                2. Natalie*

                  @ fposte, the ones that ended up in Wisconsin seem pretty ebullient, at least when they are at the bar.

          5. babblemouth*

            I don’t know about that. I live in Denmark and to me Danes and other Scandinavians are way, way more direct than most Americans.

            1. Violet Rose*

              My Danish and German friends all come across as very blunt and direct to me, who grew up in California. I appreciate the directness, but it did surprise me at first!

          6. Birch*

            In northern Europe people are often very direct–the preferred physical and social space isn’t really paired with indirectness, if that makes sense. I’m in Finland, and there is no “we have to get coffee sometime!”–you know whether that person wants to get coffee with you or not and if they do, you’ll make the plan then. People will straight up tell you things that would be incredibly insulting elsewhere. A lot of people find it rude and cold, and it takes a long time to make friends, but people are really warm and caring once you make that bond. I’m not sure how Midwest nice got that way though, since there are a lot of Nordic and Scandinavian immigrants in the upper Midwest!

        3. Admin 4 Life*

          Yes, THIS! I worked in Australia for almost six years and if you hated your job it was absolutely acceptable to show the world that you hated it- it didn’t matter if it was to customers or co-workers. It was actually shocking to be greeted with a happy face because it rarely happened. The polite and generic chit chat (how was your drive in, isn’t the weather lovely, etc.) was something I started to miss. I know that, for the most part, people aren’t going to be invested in my answers but it’s an attempt at a connection that’s missing in Australia. The “let’s get to business” attitude left a sour taste in my mouth and the only time there was an attempt to be friendly was when there was a multi-million dollar contract on the line and the interested party was from a very different culture such as Japan or China (note: I’m just picking these two because they were the most common for my office).

          I did like the benefits and the tea breaks though. Having ten to 15 minutes to catch-up and recharge in the kitchen made it so much easier to tackle the craziness of the day. I figured out some of my best solutions over a cuppa.

          1. Drop Bear*

            I think your experience is an atypical one – it might have been true for your workplace but it certainly isn’t true of Australian workplaces in general. I came to Australia from Europe over 20 years go and have worked in both private and government offices since then in a high pressure, high risk profession, and one thing I have found everywhere I’ve worked is a generally friendly , laid back, ‘she’ll be right mate’ attitude and plenty of chit chat -often about how effing hot it is!

            I will agree Australian service staff are a little less friendly than those in the US -not being dependent on tips to pay your rent makes a difference – but I’ve certainly never found them as group to be unfriendly.

            I must admit it took me a while to get used to phrases such as ‘silly bugger’ being used as terms of affection though.

          2. Jade*

            That’s interesting – I’m also from Australia and I haven’t had that experience in any of my jobs. There’s a lot of polite and generic chit chat where I’ve worked.

            Although I do agree that it isn’t really frowned upon where I’ve worked to be quite frank about not liking your job!

          3. Betsy*

            Oh, interesting. I have had the opposite experience moving from Australia to Thailand. I feel extremely chatty and bubbly compared to everyone else, probably to the extent that I could be perceived as slightly annoying. When I think back on it, I made friends in pretty much every single job I had, and I guessed I’d sort of expected I’d make some work friends here too.

            I don’t want to seem defensive of my country, as I’m not a patriotic person, but it could be partly to do with your specific workplace (as no doubt some of my issues are to do with my specific workplace too).

            My perception of Australians vs. Americans is that Americans are a just a little bit more friendly, overall. I find both countries to be very similar culturally.

        4. LondonWorker*

          London from Australia, same thing happened, my pragmatic bluntness isn’t received as well as back home.

        5. Ed*

          Ohh I had this, moved to Canada from Ireland and got in trouble for answering emails without any “fluff”- was told to work on flowering up my emails and not just replying with the answers. I also got a slap on the wrist for doing what someone asked me to do before replying to the email to confirm I got it and was going to do it. Like, it’s my job, why do I need to reassure someone I’ll do it? I can just do it and tell you when it’s done.

          1. Carine*

            I had a similar issue moving from France to Ireland ! I was often too direct and it took me a while to understand I had to ask about people’s weekend before asking any kind of favour.
            Moving to Scandinavia was a relief for me (until my coworkers felt comfortable enough to tell me I looked like shit on days where, we’ll I probably did, but didnt especially need people to point it out ?)

        6. BeenThere*

          I’m Australian living in America and I get in so much trouble for being direct. It’s really frustrating, I’m an engineer so usually I can find engineers who think like this however management doesn’t. I have to practice what I refer to as politician speak which is never saying what you mean and making sure everyone will feel good about themselves, then you go and do what needs to be done anyway.

          I’d love it if AAM could cover how you go from being to direct to being indirect without feeling like you are telling a large ball of lies.

          1. Specialk9*

            BeenThere, I think it starts with finding a way to respect the other way. People who complain about other cultures being “fake” “liars” will never find their way in that culture, for obvious reasons. If you can find a way to reframe that into how this way of acting is based on respect, that’s helpful. (Because, if you’re wondering, you’re being hugely pretty darn disrespectful of them – they’re probably picking up on that, on top of your plain talk. Indirect =/= stupid, in fact they’re *more* tuned into signals of contempt because indirect relies on decoding unvoiced signals. Stop putting out contempt vibes by changing your mental frame.)

            So like people who(Because, if you’re wondering, you’re being hugely pretty darn disrespectful of them – they’re probably picking up on that, on top of your plain talk. Indirect =/= stupid, in fact they’re *more* tuned into signals of contempt because indirect relies on decoding unvoiced signals. Stop putting out contempt vibes by changing your mental frame.)

            So, like people upthread were talking about positive politeness (reducing social distance by treating strangers like friends), you’d focus on the underlying motivation that it’s *respectful* to treat every human being like someone worthy of being noticed and acknowledged. (And recognize that people are imperfect, and do this imperfectly.) So chatting with strangers and asking coworkers about their weekends or dogs etc are ways of being polite because it makes a connection and makes someone feel seen and heard.

            With negative politeness (increasing social distance by ignoring people or not prying), you’d focus on the underlying motivation that it’s *respectful* to give people privacy, especially in a big city with a lot of demands on time and attention and physical space. In that sense, respect is not intruding on strangers with eye contact or chit-chat, and holding off on getting too intrusive with people you know.

            So my specific advice to you:
            1) Reframe indirectness as respect, rather than a “big ball of lies”. A different respect than you use, but still respect. In other words, stop thinking of them with contempt, most people can pick up on contempt real quick.
            2) Make a habit of naming your plain talk tendency upfront and make it something they are analyzing with their brains instead of their emotions. Brains are much more forgiving of cultural differences. “Oh, sorry, I know that my Australian plain talk comes across as rude here – I hope you don’t take it the wrong way. Just the way I was raised to talk.”

            1. Veracity*

              I’m not sure where you get that BernThere is being contemtous of his/her co-workers. It seems to me that s/he’s simply trying to find a strategy that works for something that doesn’t come naturally.

              1. Annoyed*

                I don’t know. I felt pretty disrespected (as an Anerican) just reading it. It read as completely contemptuous of a way of doing things “differently than me and therefore wrong.”

          2. Jennifer Juniper*

            I see it as saying what I’m supposed to say. It doesn’t matter if it’s what I feel or not. Total engagement and approval of whatever the boss says is what is important.

      4. SheLooksFamiliar*

        In a perfect world, my workday would start at 5 am and end at 1 or 2 pm. I’m one of those annoying morning larks, except I get up earlier than birds do.

      6. Jolie*

        At my current workplace (3 of us full time) , we have everything :
        Office /payroll officer : comes at 8, leaves at 4
        Boss : comes at 9,lives at 5.
        I come at 10 and leave at 6.

      7. Barbara*

        Why is this rude not to be positive in American culture? I am from France and I don’t know American culture except through movies.
        It’s true that we have long lunch breaks. It is also okay to have wine at lunch break

        1. RJTinRVA*

          I can’t imagine drinking during the workday. That wouldn’t be acceptable anywhere I’ve ever worked.

    2. Lynca*

      This was the office culture I saw when I was visiting my now-husband in Australia. Arrive at 9 and leave at 6.

      My job in the U.S. is about as regular but lacks tea breaks. I was invited up to meet his co-workers at a tea break and I wish we had that here.

    3. Natalie*

      I worked abroad for one summer in Ireland and I loved pub lunch, because they all had soup and soda bread and it was really cheap! We were there at the wrong time, exchange rate wise, and were super broke.

    4. Sketchee*

      I’m in the US, but 930-6pm is my usual schedule. My office is flexible so the early birds leave around 4:30. I think we all like having the quiet periods either in the morning or the evening

    5. ANon*

      This could also be a city thing, since people are reliant on public transportation which can often have delays. Staying late seems to be the standard way to make up for it.

    6. Jen RO*

      Fwiw I still find it shocking that people in the US start work so early. I’m not even awake at 7! I would seriously decline a job that would ask me to start before 9. At the moment I work 9 to 6 officially, but I usually get to work at 9.30-10 and leave at 6.30-7.

      1. tangerineRose*

        I know some people who work 6am – 3pm, but I think they volunteered because that way they get out early.

        1. Not really a lurker anymore*

          I do it because it means I can pick the kids up after school. Their Dad drops them off at the before school care program but we weren’t able to get them into the after school care program.

      2. Karma*

        I’m fortunate to work for a company that encourages flexible working and in a role where it often doesn’t matter what time I am there. I choose to start work at 7:15am and finish at 3:45 but people in my team can start as early as 6am and as late as 9am. We can also work from home up to 3 days a week if we want to.

      3. Anon for this*

        I think this is also more common on the West Coast where people are more likely to get in early if they need to have more overlap with an east coast office or client.

    7. Laura*

      Strangely, I moved from London to New York a few months ago and have found the exact opposite! Every job I’ve had in London, every person is there by 9am and if not, you’re *late* (and potentially given the side eye). No one leaves before 6pm either. Here, people seem to come in anytime from 9-10.30, and leave from 5pm onwards.

      1. Mitsy*

        Second that! Have been in London for the past 10 years, and 9-6 is the most common schedule for most (I have so far worked in 3 companies and different industries). I think media might be an exception to the rule, but also things have been tightened up in recent years in terms of attendance.. Was working in New York prior to moving to London and had a much more flexible schedule there at the time

    8. Doc in a Box*

      I’m 7:30 to 4, which technically includes a 30 min lunch but I usually take lunch at my desk while charting because I want to leave on time. (My bus runs hourly, so if I miss the 4:15 I have to wait around doing nothing for another hour.) If I’m really running behind, I’ll log in from home and put in another hour or so over dinner.

    9. Candace*

      I am a Canadian currently working in the US, but in academe specifically, which is often very different. I absolutely depend on being able to come in later and stay later. On top of never having been much of a morning person (even when I have had 8 or 8:30 firm start jobs, I cannot help it, no matter what I try, I can get there on time but am just dumb as a rock till 10), I have chronic insomnia and sleep issues, and a severe (potentially fatal) reaction to the entire class of drugs most often used to treat these issues. I treasure the ability to come in at 9:30 most days, 10 if it has been a really bad night, and stay till 6, 6:30, or later. I do bring work home often too, and my boss is thrilled with my performance – but if I had to work at a rigid place I’d leave. I feel like more places I have been in the US were more rigidly focused on time than on what you got done (and I get that for places that have to be open, but that is not my role at all). Luckily I have found spots where I fit and it works.

  2. Chewy Mints*

    I’ll go!
    I am from South America and it is very common to greet your coworkers AND cheek kiss them every morning when you get to work. Some people might get offended if you see them and don’t at least say “good morning”.

    1. Anony*

      I went to Europe for two weeks at one point and had no idea how to react when a coworker kissed my cheeks.

      1. Irishgal*

        Worth pointing out “Europe” is lot of different countries so while kissing on cheek might be acceptable/normal in some it is likely to get you up on charges of harassment in others

        2. Emilie*

          Most scandinavians would find it rather odd (and be very uncomfortable!) if someone kissed them on the cheek in a work related setting.

    2. Goya de la Mancha*

      *adds South America to places never to move to*
      That cheek kiss is the stuff of my nightmares! I don’t even like being that demonstrative with close friends/family.

      1. LadyL*

        Same! Where I grew up in the US it’s very normal to greet/say goodbye to people via a hug, and I haaaate it. I can’t imagine the horror of adding cheek kissing to that!

        1. SpiderLadyCEO*

          I’m with you on hugs – but I love cheek kisses! A quick kiss on the cheek is much less physical closeness. Hugs are overwhelmingly close, and I often feel smothered, but of course that is the way of life in my part of world. (Southern US.)

        2. Demon Llama*

          Oh yeahhhhh the hugs! I’m a Londoner working in London but for a company with many American offices… I once met a senior American lady for the first time at a breakfast meeting and was just putting my bag down at the table when there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned, and the next thing I knew, I was being hugged. I just froze. I have never felt so British in my life. Lovely, friendly Americans – please don’t introduce yourselves to British colleagues with a hug. ESPECIALLY not at 7am pre-tea. Most of us are not programmed to cope with it…

        3. Lady at Liberty*

          The hugging thing seems to be becoming more popular. I’m never sure how to handle being hugged by an acquaintance. It’s like, “uhhhhhh… O HALP WHAT DO”

        4. Story Nurse*

          I’ve found social greeting hugs to be a very gendered thing, especially in work situations. I’m nonbinary but people often think I’m a woman, so I get offered (or pulled into) many more hugs than men do. Ethnicity and culture also come into play. (There’s a great Key & Peele sketch about this.)

          My mother is U.S. born and raised, but loves the European cheek kiss and hates social hugging. She once got really annoyed at all my friends hugging one another goodbye every time someone departed from my birthday party and complained about how long it took!

      2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        I got to Spain just a couple weeks before my cousin’s birthday, and of course she had to introduce me to ALL HER FRIENDS. I have never had that many strangers’ faces closing in on mine. She thought it was a hilarious way to get me over my culture shock — kind of like the logic to jump into cold water all at once so it doesn’t feel as cold.

        1. Beachgal*

          Yes in my culture, we kiss hello and kiss goodbye and people will be offended if you do not kiss them upon arriving. It is funny because I’ve noticed my American friends mimicking the kiss hello and goodbye they have seen throughout the years at my family events.

      3. Spooky*

        Same. I once saw a webcomic about an American getting cheek-kissed in Europe and muttering “this is how you all got the plague!” and I think about it every time now. Not historically accurate, of course, but still funny and a perfect description of how I feel.

        3. Jen RO*

          Oh wow I literally laughed out loud at that.

          I’m in an European country where it’s normal to kiss and hug your friends and I haaaate it.

      4. yasmara*

        I mentioned this yesterday, but I was SO BAD at reading the cheek kiss when I lived abroad (American in London). Sometimes it was done but sometimes it wasn’t? Sometimes it was one side and sometimes it was both?

        My husband has a funny story about how he ended up awkwardly hugging someone who went in for a cheek kiss because he couldn’t figure out what was going on.

        1. ALadyfromBrazil*

          hahahahaha In Brazil we have these differences from state to state. In Rio de Janeiro, is common 2 kisses. In Sao Paulo, only 1 kiss. In other places sometimes 3 kisses is the common thing.

          But I think its not common for workplaces unless you are friends with your coworkers.
          I work for a public university (another state, not Rio de Janeiro nor São Paulo) and here I just say a “good morning everyone” from the door and this is okay. I share a room with 8 people so would be very weird compliment each one with a kiss.

        2. WorkingOnIt*

          I am British and I do this to. It seems to be at more posh, formal occasions that you’ll get this, although not always and I never know when it has suddenly been decided this is happening. Although I lived in Europe when I was a teenager and had no clue what I was doing either, I full on kissed my friend on both cheeks rather than the customary air-cheek kissing. I think going for a hug is better frankly, especially in the UK when we don’t know what we’re doing when it comes to cheek kissing.

      5. Artemesia*

        I often visit cultures where this is done and have yet to be actually touched by lips. Just as the hand kiss does not involve applying lips to hand, the check kiss is usually a near miss as well.

        1. Bleeborp*

          I have some family in France (in a part where you gotta do 3 kisses each time!) but the only time I got a full impact kiss on the cheek was from an English guy who’s Air B&B we were staying at in Spain…so it can happen!

    3. Lady Jay*

      Love it! I visited Argentina a few years back and got very used to the air kisses near the cheeks! :)

    4. Rockhopper*

      Ah, yes. I volunteer as an ESL teacher and my student from Peru gives me a hug every time she comes to class. I knew it was a cultural thing but as a native New Englander, it made me uncomfortable at first. Last time she also brought the class Peruvian cookies though, so all is good.

      1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        Food offerings make everything better.

        No lies: my AP English teacher in high school would give you a higher grade on class presentations if you incorporated food in some way. It was the last class before the latest lunch group, so everyone was starving and inattentive, but if you fed them they paid more attention.

        1. SheLooksFamiliar*

          Did you go to high school in Illinois? The division head of the English department did the same thing in my Level 4 Humanities class.

          1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

            I didn’t, but I’m happy to know this was a more widespread practice! It definitely made class more fun :) And delicious.

            1. SheLooksFamiliar*

              Same here! My classmates and I enjoyed watching our elegant and intelligent division head go crazy over things like ‘Desserts From The Italian Renaissance.’ No one had the nerve to point out that our Honors Humanities curriculum did not include The Italian Renaissance. Or food.

              1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

                Nice! One of my classmates had parents who were wizards of Hawaiian cuisine — let me tell you, she was very popular in that class!

    5. Zip Silver*

      Same thing happens here in South Florida. It was definitely a culture shock to move from an Anglo majority state in the Midwest to Miami, but you get used to the cheek kiss greeting pretty quickly.

    6. Samiratou*

      Is it an actual cheek kiss or more of a kiss in the general vicinity of the side of their face?

      It’s been awhile, but the last time I visited somewhere with the cheek kiss, there generally wasn’t actual facial contact. The greeting was too quick for it, actually.

      1. Chewy Mints*

        It’s more the cheeks touch, and your lips kiss the air. So there is definitely skin touch. In some regions is one kiss, in others two. The very enthusiastic people, though, will kiss your cheeks with their lips. Now that’s a bit too much even for a native!

        2. Fake old Converse shoes (not in the US)*

          The more friendly and close they are with you, the more lip action there is. Sometimes there are even hugs. Even among the men.

        3. Beck*

          You can always avoid skin touch if you want to though, it’s far from required. I don’t like it, so I just hover.

        4. MeowThai*

          This. I’m Chilean and when non-family members do a lips-to-cheek kiss, I’m all “GET AWAY FROM ME”

    7. Lana Kane*

      I’m Puerto Rican, and when I moved to the US I verrrrry quickly learned that the cheek kiss upon greeting and saying goodbye is very much Not A Thing here!

      1. Plague of frogs*

        Depends on where you are–cheek kissing is very much A Thing on Long Island, I think because of the substantial Italian population (not sure though). I’ve never learned to do it correctly, to my shame. I hit people with my glasses, I get my hair tangled in their earrings, I make not enough contact or too much contact…

        The first time I was on LI, all the women cheek kissed me, and none of the men did. So I thought it was only a single-gender thing. But the minute I got engaged, all the men started kissing me too. So it relates to marital status also.

        Lip kissing is also not unheard of there–my husband’s (female) cousin kisses everyone on the lips. That REALLY took some getting used to.

        I should mention that I’ve only visited LI socially, and I don’t think the kissing extends into the workforce.

    8. Lora*

      Yes! I love how very macho heterosexual non-South American men react to the cheek kisses from other men.

    9. Blake A.*

      Oooh, I’m from South America as well and didn’t realize how weird this came accross in the US until I had to temporarily move to New York for work. My company (a US bank) sent me and a male coworker to their headquarters in NYC and we said Hi each morning with a kiss on the cheek. Until an american coworker asked me if we were dating. I was horrified. But yeah, back home it’s a kiss on the cheek for everyone, including your boss, your doctor, your lawyer, etc.

        1. Blake A.*

          Lol. I’m afraid so. This has happened to me with every doctor ever (allergist, surgeon, ENT, gynecologist,etc.) And it’s very hard to not kiss them because they lean in with their face to your cheek which makes it extremely awkward to refuse.

          1. ALadyfromBrazil*

            I’m having fun with this thread. Although here this is not so common, I have some doctors that are very friendly and hug or kiss me on the cheek, male or female.

    10. sparty07*

      One thing I loved in Brazil during my 10 month work stint was every day they had 2 people come through each department to do a 10 minute stretching exercise. Everyone was expected to participate, and departmental bonuses were partly based on % participation. On Fridays they would usually have wooden massaging “cars” or stress balls to be used on the other person’s back.

      1. ALadyfromBrazil*

        I’ve worked at a meat industry here where we did this kind of exercise. Now, I’m at a public university and don’t have budget to do these things anymore.

    11. Jesca*

      Oh my yes! I was going to post about this. I’m America, and when we go to South America, for meetings, it can take up to 50 minutes after the meeting start time to get going because literally every single person must hug and kiss every single other person – which can take along time with like 50 people! And then here we laugh because we won’t even recognize each other’s presence as we walk into a room.

      1. NorthernSoutherner*

        I’m from Miami, which has a very Latin population. I was accustomed to the kissing and general physical friendliness, and it took me a while to realize reserved New Englanders prefer the handshake (if that).

    12. Baska*

      In Quebec (Canada), it’s two cheek-kisses (usually right, then left) in most social situations. I don’t generally cheek-kiss colleagues or in a professional setting, but if I’m introduced to someone socially, it’s generally both accepted and expected. I admit that when I went to France and they did THREE cheek-kisses, I was completely flummoxed!

      *Note that this is for women greeting women, and women greeting men. You don’t generally see men cheek-kissing men; usually they’ll do a handshake.

      2. Cristina in England*

        I really miss cheek-kissing from when I lived in Montreal! It only went wrong once with a lady from… somewhere else I guess who didn’t know it was right then left. Imagine the horror when our lips grazed.

      3. Zahra*

        Help me out on this one, because I always get confused.

        Right then left means you present your right cheek first or that you turn your head right (thus presenting left cheek first)?

        1. Baska*

          “Right” = Right cheek to right cheek
          You’re not actually so much turning your head as touching your cheek to their cheek (or even just in the air near their cheek) and making little kissing noises. :)

    13. L*

      Haha. I grew up in Miami where it’s pretty normal to cheek kiss your friends and relatives, but I moved to NYC for school and ended up staying for the first 5 years of my career there. I came back down to Miami last year and was completely shocked by the fact that indeed, many people cheek kiss in the office. Not necessarily to greet your every day coworkers, but at the beginning of a meeting with colleagues you don’t see often, etc. It still feels really really weird to me.

    14. Smithy*

      I used to work in Israel and my work involved meetings with many different INGOs and Embassies/Consulats. As secular Israeli society has no one take on cheek kisses – for so many meetings you just had no idea what you were headed into. One kiss? Two? Three? None?

      That being said preferred handshake grip also went all over the place (super firm to very soft) – so in a way it ended up being a bit easier to navigate the kisses.

    15. Viktoria*

      Haha yes! I studied abroad in Argentina, and also interned in a small office there. I was fascinated to watch all the employees go around and greet and kiss each person when they walked in, and then if they came in and someone was eating each person would always wish them “buen provecho,” and then at the end of the day everyone making the rounds again to say goodbye! Very charming, very friendly, very time-consuming!

    16. Julianne*

      Most of my students are from cultures where cheek kissing in greeting is normal in the workplace as well, so this happens all the time with parents. (Dads/male parental figures don’t usually cheek kiss female teachers on first meeting, I’ve noticed, but moms/female parental figures tend to.) Our faculty members who are from those cultures usually greet one another with cheek kisses daily, but they only break those out for the rest of us on the first day back and the last day before summer vacation.

  3. Me2*

    When I lived in Germany, you never said hello to strangers you passed on the street or the footpaths, unless you were both walking a dog, but whenever you entered a small business like the doctor’s office or the apotheke you were expected to greet the entire room, not just the receptionist or sales clerk.

    1. ZSD*

      This was always so strange to me! Older people would come into a waiting room, wish everyone a good day, and I’d just be like, “Um, hi.” (I could probably handle it more gracefully now that I’m not 20 years old.)

    2. Higher Ed Database Dork*

      I’m curious, why does walking the dog make a difference in the case of strangers of the street?

        1. AvonLady Barksdale*

          Yup. This was the case for me in NYC, too. I rarely made eye contact with people on the street until I adopted my dog. I lived in a particularly friendly neighborhood, but having the dog and running into other dog owners got me actually talking to neighbors at 6:30am in the park.

          1. Sunshine on a cloudy day*

            Oh totally! I’m super introverted and generally don’t really become friendly with people just out of proximity (neighbors, etc). It’s totally an anxiety thing, just not one that I was particularly keen on working on. But then I got a dog and I made friends with a neighbor. Made friends with a woman at the dog park – to the point that we’ve dog sat for each other! It was funny how easy and comfortable it became making small talk with strangers when I had something specific that I could connect over. It also helped me with some external stimuli – I wanted to keep my dog social and provide her the opportunity to interact with other dogs.

            1. FoxyDog*

              Same here! I’m a complete introvert and I happened to get an exceptionally adorable dog. (Seriously, I can’t take her in public without getting at least one comment.) I had no choice but to get more comfortable talking to strangers. Dogs are great icebreakers!

          2. Alienor*

            I dog-sit for a friend pretty regularly, which involves the dog staying at my house for a week or so, and every single time, I’m amazed at how much people want to stop and talk when I take him out. It’s like I’m the handler for a seven-pound celebrity with a furry face and terrible breath, lol.

      2. Myrin*

        For the record, it’s totally alright to greet strangers on the street, even without a dog! There are no unspoken rules that you have to and it’s not weird if you don’t, but it’s not weird if you do, either!

        1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

          So it’s more like just personal preference as opposed to A Thing That is Not Done? Like here in Texas, you are often labeled as curmudgeon if you don’t greet strangers when you’re out and about – and this varies depending on how deep into the city you get.

          1. baconeggandcheeseplease*

            I think it depends on where you are. In NYC, if you randomly greeted me on the street, I would think you need something (probably directions). Sometimes strangers on the subway do bond over the many subway issues though…

            1. Doesn't talk to strangers*

              In NYC you do not speak to people on the street. People in my neighborhood who try to talk to me on the street are usually asking for money, homeless, high, or a combination of the above.

              However, in the small, rural community where I grew up, you wave at every driver you meet while on the road – even cars you don’t recognize. It’s known as the “farmer wave” – you raise your index finger from the top of the steering wheel and then put in back on the steering wheel:
              https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/local/kyle-munson/2014/11/12/farmer-wave-week-rural-ritual-finger-salute/18899285/

              1. bonkerballs*

                I”ve usually seen this explained as a way of giving people space. In more rural places, there’s lots of space between me and the other person I’m greeting in the street. Everyone’s comfortable. So it’s polite to acknowledge each other. In a big city or somewhere else really crowded when you’re elbow to elbow pushing past each other, you’re not able to give people *actual* space, so you give them emotional space by not greeting people or making them feel like they need to greet you. It’s a different kind of acknowledgement and comfort.

                2. baconeggandcheeseplease*

                  This too (although I never really thought about it like that), but also, if I greeted everyone on the street in NYC, then I would never get anywhere because I would be greeting SO many people, and no one has time for that.

                3. FoxyDog*

                  This. I moved from Los Angeles to a pretty rural area. I’m still not used to greeting random people when I’m walking my dog.

              2. De Minimis*

                My father does that. It’s definitely a small town/rural thing, I’m from Oklahoma. I’ve seen it on rural roads, not on highways/town streets. I know it’s also super common in Texas.

                1. Collarbone High*

                  My dad does one finger for cars, two fingers for trucks. Larger vehicles deserve a slightly larger wave, I guess?

                2. Nonyme*

                  I live in a very rural community with about a dozen fill time people, and commute into a small town for work. Part of my commute is seven miles of dirt road.

                  I might see 2-3 cars on a busy morning, and I wave at every one.

                  Now, if the person you come across is someone you know, it’s socially acceptable to stop in the middle of the road, roll your windows down, and chat for a minute, until another car comes along and you need to move out of the way …

                3. nonegiven*

                  BIL waves at people he meets on every road but the multi lanes with a median where they can’t see it anyway.

              3. MaureenS*

                There’s a similar thing on Ontario lakes between boaters. You stick you hand/arm in the air, but do NOT move it around. You then lower your hand when the other boater / cottager raises their hand in response. Excessive movement is viewed as a distress signal & will get you a very different response.

                1. Trig*

                  Ha! I didn’t know waving meant distress, but definitely do the arm-life wave when canoeing.

                  My partner’s southern Ontario farming family also do the ‘farmer wave’ finger lift. I live in a city though; we mostly ignore each other unless, as mentioned upthread, you both have a dog. Or you have a dog and they like dogs, then there’s usually a smile.

              4. the cake is a pie*

                Yep, I’d say cultural preference instead of personal preference. When I first moved to Big City, I smiled at everyone I’d pass by in my neighborhood. It was such an abnormality that I vividly remember people stopping and remarking on it. Now I stick with a neutral, mind-my-own business approach and it just makes everything smoother. (Don’t get me wrong, I love city life. It’s just how it is.)

                And boy have I learned to avoid anyone who starts with, “Can I ask you a question?”

                1. Traffic_Spiral*

                  Agree on the “Can I ask you a question?” thing. An extra hearty Fuck You to the salesdouche expert that decided hijacking a social nicety was a legitimate sales tactic.

              5. Swedish Chef*

                It’s a certain car thing as well. When I owned a Subaru WRX, other WRX drivers would wave/acknowledge me. I had to learn to do it so I wouldn’t look like a jerk!

                1. K*

                  Funnily this is a thing under Subaru enthusiasts in Germany as well. Probably because the brand is not seen incredibly often and it feels more like a “like minded person behind the other wheel”

              7. BackHomeAgain*

                I had the same experience as you did in, but the DC area. People didn’t speak to you unless they wanted something, so I resented every time someone would approach me.

                After years in DC I moved back to my hometown in the Midwest. Not long after I moved back I was at the grocery store looking at soda when the man next to me says, “Hey, miss?”

                And I turned to him with my “leave me alone” face and said my cold, “Yes?”

                And he smiled and said, “That soda you’re looking at is on sale for $2 a pack cheaper at the store across the street.” I almost laughed at the abrupt realization I was back home, then smiled and thanked him.

              8. working abroad*

                I had this issue when I was working in television and stationed in a small, Southern town for a few months while a show filmed there. The production manager had to pull me to the side and tell me some of the locals thought I was unfriendly because I was so reserved. By the time the show finished it was so ingrained in me to wave at people while I was driving and smile at people when I entered a room.

            2. animaniactoo*

              Even on the street, it depends on how busy the street is. If you’re the only two people on the street, it’s common to at least nod hello. What would be unusual is stopping moving in any way in order to say hello. Unless, of course, it’s late at night in which case you just eye each other as you pass by.

            3. Fiennes*

              I think this strongly correlates to population density. If you’re going to pass one person while walking down the block, you greet them. If you’re going to pass 85, you don’t. In large cities, “negative niceness” is partly about the impossibility of greeting everyone, partly about the courtesy of giving people some amount of mental space that would otherwise be hard to come by.

          2. Myrin*

            Yeah, absolutely! I have days where I feel like greeting others and days where I don’t; at least in my area, I’d say we tend to lean slightly more towards not greeting – some people visibly startle because they don’t expect it – but it’s definitely not strange or over-invested or something if you send a friendly greeting a stranger’s way. (Locale matters, of course. You don’t greet anyone at a busy pedestrian precinct or in a big city with lots of traffic. But in my hometown, where I meet like two or three people on my way to the baker’s, both actions are totally valid.)

            1. Julia*

              Sure, in small towns, this is probably the polite way to go. My parents greet everyone in their village. But in Berlin, people will probably look at you funny.

          3. shep*

            I’m a Texan but I’m pretty much the grumpiest Texan ever, per the bar of greeting strangers. I was raised near and currently reside in a large metro area, so maybe that’s part of it, but I also have some minor social anxiety so the thought of greeting random people scares the crap out of me.

            1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

              Fellow grumpy Texas here. Born and raised in DFW and I still live here, so it’s definitely more normal for me to not greet strangers. When I’ve visited small towns I get a little freaked out by the stranger friendliness.

              1. RJGM*

                Hi neighbor! Chiming in as another grumpy Texan… I do that awkward no-teeth smile at people most of the time, if anything.

                Texas is the go-to example for this stuff, but I feel like I see WAY more greeting-strangers-on-the-street when I go to visit my grandma in Oklahoma. When we walk around her suburban neighborhood, she has to say “good evening” to eeeevvveryyyyone, and often stops to chat for 20+ minutes. (To be fair, they are her neighbors, but she’ll sometimes tell me later that she didn’t even know the other person’s name!)

            2. paul*

              I spent a lot of time in various cities and towns; I work in a largely rural region of Texas but have had family in El Paso, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio…and there was a stretch where I was in Austin for work 3-4 times a year. You can definitely tell a difference between downtown Dallas and say, Paducah or Bovina or Ft. Davis. Which I guess makes sense.

            4. Rebecca in Dallas*

              Also a grumpy Texan! With the exception of when I’m out running, say I’m coming up behind a walker/slower runner, I’ll say “Good morning/afternoon/evening” mostly so that I don’t startle them as I pass them.

              Definitely a difference between Dallas (probably any urban area) and the smaller towns.

          4. miss_chevious*

            When I lived in New Mexico I was stunned that people would just SAY HELLO to you when they didn’t even know you. People would wave from CARS. I’m from Wisconsin, so not the East Coast or anything, but the level of engagement from strangers was still very shocking.

        2. Blue Bird Yellow*

          I think it depends on the size of the city. In smaller places, greeting everyone is the norm. In larger cities, people will be weirded out (I know I was) and side-eye you (I know I did). But I think that’s very similar to other countries as well.

        3. KR*

          As a New Englander it’s a little strange to greet people you don’t know on the street!! Not rude but not common either!! I’m in Southern CA now and it’s still strange to me how nice people are here.

          1. Kelly White*

            I’m a New Englander and I remember being confused when I went to DC to visit my brother (he was in college). I was walking by myself on the mall and people kept saying hello! I still remember it to this day!

      3. trilusion*

        It’s because you have something in common! In Germany when walking, you greet / nod another person with a dog. In traffic, bus drivers / motorcyclists / camper vans greet each other too (mostly just lifting a hand), or people driving rare cars do that too (VW beetles, Citroën 2CV).
        I also believe: the smaller the town, the more is being greeted. I don’t think this happens much in larger cities.

        Very interesting comments!

        1. Not So NewReader*

          Yes! I learned this when I first met my husband. Motorcyclists wave to each other. I was surprised how wide spread this is, too. And the passenger waves also. I don’t know why I never noticed that before.

          Likewise with dogs. Dogs seem send out the message, “I am open to conversation if you chose.” Tell a person they have a very nice looking dog and watch their faces light up each and every time. My friend is almost 6 feet tall, he’s a big guy. He has a 10 pound dachshund. (Big dude with a dog the size of his shoe, it’s very funny.) She has gotten him into more conversations with people than anything else in his life.

      4. Plague of frogs*

        It’s like how when you’re on a motorcycle you wave to other people on motorcycles. Back in 2003, if you were driving a hybrid car you waved to other hybrid drivers but sadly that’s died out.

    3. Samiratou*

      Is everyone expected to give a verbal response when someone greets the room, or do you just sort of look up and throw a brief smile/wave? Or does the room even need to respond?

      1. Blue Bird Yellow*

        Ideally you’d greet the person back. So if a person enters the room and says, “good morning!”, you say that right back to them.

      2. Myrin*

        At least where I am, verbal response at the doctor’s office (although no one takes note if of the five people already waiting, only four open their mouth in a greeting; it’s the chorus that matters) and all-your-responses-are-fair-game in other places, although I’d say a quick verbal greeting by at least one person is the norm. Now that I think about it, though, you usually take your cues from the person delivering the greeting/farewell – if they’re looking at the room at large, I’ll automatically respond, but if they’re just angled towards the salesclerk, I don’t feel adressed and don’t really react. (Also and just btw, in my dialect – and in many others I know as well, though not all – there are several ways to greet or say goodbye and with many of them, it’s clear whether someone is speaking to multiple people or just one, and you can react accordingly.)

      3. Like, Really Smart*

        In Switzerland, you have to greet every single person individually when you enter someone’s house for a party/dinner/whatever. There’s a joke that that’s why Swiss people are always on time; no one wants to be the last person at a party who has to go around and greet 20 people individually.

    4. The Senior Wrangler*

      In rural UK, it’s totally fine (and nice) to smile at and start random conversations with people in the street, on the bus etc. If you try it in a larger city, especially London, people look at you as if you’re mad.

      1. AnnaleighUK*

        Or clutch their bag a little tighter, because obviously you’re going to mug them.

        Unless, of course, you’re all stuck waiting for a bus that isn’t coming, or on a broken down train. Then it’s customary to talk to anyone as long as it’s about your current mild peril.

        1. Jesca*

          Haha that is any city. I grew pretty urban although in a pretty rural state. And still really, no. If a stranger talks to me or acknowledges my existence in any way, I always assume they have an ulterior motive. It is just not done! LOL

          1. Lissa*

            I live in a mid size city and if someone talks to me they are likely to be, in order 3. hitting on me, 2. asking me for money or 1. evangelizing. Dunno why but missionaries love me. I must look extremely convertible.

            1. K*

              “I must look extremely convertible.”

              For some reason, that’s super funny to me. Thanks for making me chuckle!
              Probably because I also often had missionaries approaching me.

      2. Kora*

        In Liverpool you probably don’t start a conversation with strangers on the street, but it’s totally fine to do it on public transport, in a pub, at the theatre etc. It was a pretty big culture shock for me when I first lived somewhere else in the country.

      1. Myrin*

        That’s where I am, actually, and what I’m basing my comments on. “Grüß Gott” is how you would greet a stranger on the street but in my neck of the woods, we tend more towards not saying anything at all.

      2. Countess Aurelia*

        In Austria, you would say that as well (to someone when you walked into a store, too). And you ALWAYS said a ‘wiedersehen’ getting off the elevator.

        However, if you say Gruss Gott to someone in Berlin (particularly with an Austro-American accent)…well, I had one guy ask me if I was his Bavarian grandmother.

        Oh, also in Austria: if you told the checker at the grocery store to have a nice day as you left (just, “shoenen tag!”), they looked at you like you had two heads.

    6. dshockley*

      I wonder where in Germany you were! I have family in rural north-west Germany (near Bremen, and also very north Nordrhein-Westfalen in the middle of nowhere), and where they are, every single person greets you when you’re out walking. I’m not sure, but I don’t think people think you are rude if you don’t, just weird or not from around there. (My partner is Italian, and we speak English with each other, and my daughter looks German enough but is very loud and switches between English and Italian, so I guess it was always clear we’re not from around there anyway though!)

      1. Me2*

        I lived in Nordrhein-Westfalen but in a village on the outskirts of Bonn, on the Rhein river. People rarely answered when we greeted them as we passed by walking along the river or if we were walking in the Siebengebirge. But if I walked with my friend and her dog, every other dog walker would greet us.

      2. Misquoted*

        In Ostfriesland, we greet strangers walking by with “moin!” But generally only in the rural areas, not walking down the busier streets.

        1. trilusion*

          Yes! My boyfriend is from there. Visiting his home town, walking anywhere, people say Moin! to each other all the time. At first I kept asking, “Who was that?” (because I thought he knew them) and he always said “no idea”

        2. Amerikanerin*

          When I spent a year in Kiel, it was always “Moin, Moin” in a sorta sing-song fashion. Out of step with the rest of the social niceties there.

          You wouldn’t use it in a busy street, but on an elevator in a hall, on a street where it’s just a few people, you use it.

          Of course, that was several decades ago…

      3. Ann Cognito*

        I’ve lived in Cologne, most recently two years ago, and I love it as a city, but I found I couldn’t wait to get back to the West coast US just for the friendly, day-to-day interactions with strangers. I found Germans in and around Cologne to be unfriendly and rude, especially older people. That was my experience when I lived there 20 tears ago too. I never want to live there again because of it!

      4. MaryQuiteContrary*

        I do think it’s about location! I grew up in a very rural village in northern Germany – would never greet anyone in any of the bigger cities I moved to but I wouldn’t dare not say ‘moin’ or at least wave at people back home – I’m 26 and I still fear reports of me not greeting people in the village getting back to my mom.

    7. Roz*

      This happens when we do business in the South East of France! Everyone was greeting us as we waited for our appointment and I was so confused. We are Canadian.

    8. De Minimis*

      I had never heard that about Germany! I took German in college and they talked a lot about cultural differences, but not that one. The main one I heard was that people often could know someone for years without using the familiar form of address, so the idea of greeting so many strangers seems odd to me.

    9. irritable vowel*

      My Dutch friends have told me (and I’ve observed them doing this) that when it’s someone’s birthday, you say “happy birthday” to everyone present, not just the person whose birthday it is.

    10. Emily Spinach*

      When I used to jog in Germany, where I lived alone and was starved for human interaction, I got VERY enthusiastic about greeting other walkers/joggers, and they were very nice about it. I think being in an actual park/path you’re more likely to be greeted occasionally versus on sidewalks. But here in the US I’d say runners are most likely to wave/nod versus actually saying anything to each other (besides “on your left!”).

    11. LurkNoMore*

      I talk to strangers all the time (from the Midwest) and it would completely freak out any Japanese co-worker I was currently traveling with. One time, after traveling for about 10 days from NY to Cal, one of the Japanese engineers turned to me and asked me if I knew everyone in the whole US – he had been under the impression that I knew every one I had talked to during our trip.

    12. Anon for this*

      When I lived in Mexico City, other customers leaving or entering a restaurant would say “provecho”, basically enjoy. The first few times I was very concerned. Why are you looking at a stranger and wishing them a good meal.

  4. Marie B.*

    After reading the update on Monday from the letter writer who had to have a special chair flown in to where they work due to their weight, I was surprised to learn from that post and the comments that in some places it is okay to tell your co-worker they are getting fat, or to measure/send your employees to a health coach for weight loss, or for 2 or 3 people to sit in letter writer’s chair at once to take and share photos (his chair was large/wide for people who are 30 stone/420 pounds). I know the letter writer said he was fine with all that but I would be horrified and devastated if any of it happened to me, whether I was working abroad in a different country or not.

    1. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

      When I lived in (rural) Kenya, it was super normal for someone to comment on whether they thought someone “got fat.” Not the weight loss, etc., or taking photos, but if someone didn’t recognize you because you’d gained weight, it was not considered offensive to say so. It was just a matter of fact statement.

      I don’t know if this is the case in Nairobi or the other large cities, though.

      1. Samiratou*

        Also, in places where people are thin because of lack of food or other resources noting a weight increase is a compliment.

        As such, size can also be an indicator of wealth or status.

        (Former Peace Corps Volunteer in West Africa)

        1. Kate*

          My dad had the same experience growing up in rural Georgia in the 50s/60s. “Now, ain’t that baby fat” was apparently a very high compliment for a child.

          1. Sometimes yes, sometimes no*

            Mom circles I’m in still practice some of this for at least a little while. Comments on baby rolls and fat little tummies and chubby cheeks, etc., are all extreme terms of endearment!

          1. Falling Diphthong*

            Number 3 RPCV from WA. I shared in the last thread that I knew of a volunteer who got her villagers to greet her with “You look very thin today!” because she couldn’t adjust to “You look so fat!” the standard polite greeting.

            On babies, I’ve heard of that with doctors working with refugee populations–the doctor will comment on the baby’s size and grandma who cares for him while mom and dad work will be ECSTATIC at the compliment, because for years in the camps there were no fat babies.

            Marie, it really is just a different set 0f cultural rules as to what is and is not remarked on. Humans are very adaptable to shifting cultural norms–what would be cruel in one culture is the equivalent of observing “the weather is warm” in another.

        3. Snargulfuss*

          When I was in Vietnam a few years ago a tour guide told us that being a bit overweight was seen as a sign of wealth.

        4. Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms*

          Yes! My mother in law is AfroColombian, and for years she would tell me that i was big( to be fair, i am a bit chubby, but still!) and i was always a bit hurt, until one day she was telling me a story about how boys always ignored her in favor of the “bigger, pretty girls” and it clicked! Context, it matters!

      2. RPCV*

        Yup yup, same in Swaziland. “Oh Colile (my Swazi name), you’re looking fat today!” Also, as an unmarried adult, questions about my virginity were completely fair game.

        2. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

          Oh, same. Someone also once offered my (male) coworker money to buy me in exchange for “cut” virgins.

              1. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

                Yes! The “buyer” was referring to FGM. The whole experience around that convo was awful, and I’ve never really forgiven my male coworker (he thought it was funny to egg the guy on as a “joke”).

      4. Heather*

        I did a study/volunteer thing in Tanzania one summer in college, and I was the youngest person in my program (I was 21, my fellow volunteers were all late 20s-40s). But I found out that a Tanzanian at the house I was staying at thought I was much older because I was fatter than the other women! He said “I thought you were older because you’re big.” I was not offended but tried to kindly let him know for future reference that other American women might be.

    2. the gold digger*

      I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Chile, where I worked with a co-op of Mapuche women. My co-workers would tell me it looked like I had gained weight or would mention the big pimple on my chin. They thought it was really weird that I was taken aback, especially as in their mind, they were just stating fact and making conversation, not making any value judgments.

      1. Blue Bird Yellow*

        I wonder what sort of smart talk you’re supposed to make in these cases? I’m struggling to follow that logic.

        Person 1: You have a pimple.
        Person 2: I know.
        Person 1: It’s a big one.
        Person 2: Yep.

        1. Jesca*

          I am thinking more a long the lines of making idle comments on the weather or saying the grass looks a bit browner today. In many places of the world, a lot less is put on certain aspects of appearance that are considered “unavoidable”.

        2. Goya de la Mancha*

          I don’t think I could contain my sass….

          1: *looks at rudolph sized zit on nose* You have a pimple.
          Me: Really? Are you sure?

      2. Alienor*

        I married into a family from an Asian/Pacific Island country, and I found out pretty quickly that if you walk into a room full of ladies playing mahjong, they’ll be more than happy to comment on your weight gain or lovingly (?) call you Four-Eyes because you got new glasses. :)

        1. Thany*

          Same. I married into a Filipino family. My MIL and aunties comment on my husband’s weight or my weight often. Sometimes they only speak in Tagalog, but my husband usually translates for me. Recently I gained about 15 lbs and they all asked me if I was pregnant. I was horrified.

          1. Story Nurse*

            My MIL grew up in the States but married a Japanese man and now lives in Singapore. One day she saw me in a fairly snug dress, patted my belly, and said, “Anyone growing in there?” Maybe she picked it up from her Asian neighbors and friends, because that seems a little forward even for a Jewish mother who would loooooove to be a Jewish grandmother.

        2. awb*

          My grandpa’s first sentence to me when he saw me for the first time im 10 years was, “you’ve gotten fat.” Again, it wasn’t meant maliciously but I was 18 and definitely very upset!

    3. CoffeeLover*

      Eastern european perspective here. People comment on weight all the time but it’s not thought of as a taboo or offensive topic. Someone will say “wow you put on a lot of weight since I saw you last”, but it’s just not seen as offensive. Coming from that culture, I always thought we North Americans (because I grew up in Canada), are too sensitive about weight. So what if you put on some extra pounds? There shouldn’t be any shame, guilt or insult around that.

      Also it goes just as much (if not even more so) the other way. When you lose weight people will comment because they’re concerned about your health. I guess it’s important to not that boundaries around that kind of stuff (weight, wellness, health) are way different.

      1. General Ginger*

        Hmm, I wonder how much that varies across Eastern Europe, because where I grew up the weight comments were super-common, but carried a fair amount of negativity. The “babushkas on the bench” would discuss arriving/departing/neighboring people’s weight in terms of character, it was very much a value judgment.

        1. Jen RO*

          It’s not uncommon in Romania, but it’s not polite either. At least for the younger generation. For my grandparents’ generation however, a fat baby is the ideal – ‘are you feeding him enough?’ is the bane of so many mothers.

          1. General Ginger*

            Oh, yes, for babies, definitely. Though I feel like “did you bundle him up enough, where is his hat, you know what happens when you take him outside w/out a hat” usually took precedence over “are you feeding him enough”.

    4. Manders*

      My husband worked in Japan, and his explanation of the culture was that you’re very polite to people you don’t know, but very direct with your “in group” of friends or colleagues. It’s also not considered rude to comment on someone’s unusual physical attributes. He’s tall and broad, and people weren’t shy about commenting on it. I don’t watch a ton of Japanese media, but I tried watching Yuri on Ice a little while ago, and the jokes about Yuri’s weight definitely seemed mean to me but my husband confirmed that it’s pretty normal for friends to talk to each other that way.

      2. Manders*

        Oh, and commentary on ethnicity and religion works a little differently too–in both Japan and China he’s been complimented on being a Jew, and the stereotypes of Jews being highly educated and good with money are considered very positive attributes.

        1. Goyangi*

          I was once taking a Korean class at a local church and our very nice elderly teacher said something along the lines of “The Jews are a great model for us [Koreans]! There are so few of them, and yet they control all the money and power!” I had been taking a sip of my coffee and just about spit it back out.

          1. Manders*

            Hah, yes, he told me a story about a Japanese diplomat complimenting a Jewish one on how well his people controlled the world’s banks.

            Oddly enough, in China, he got special praise from party members because Karl Marx was a Jew. I’m not sure how they combined “good with money” and “Marxist” as stereotypes.

            1. Carrie*

              Even here in America many of the sharpest business people I know are current and former Commies. They’re under no delusions about the system and they tend to have a lot of hustle, prioritizing doing business for themselves over loyalty to a boss or company.

      3. Lucie in the Sky*

        Yeah, this is super common. Lots of comments about peoples size “Oh hey you got fat” is something i’ve been told wayyyy more then anything.

        Also, pretty specific discussions about people’s work abilities. Lots of comments about how “I don’t think that guy ever does any work”

      4. Janie*

        I’m Japanese American and was surprised when I stayed with relatives in Japan how quick they were to comment on my face “getting fat in the last three days.” Because they had been non-stop feeding me for three days.

        1. Lo*

          My husband is Sansei. As a child, he was called “big” in Japanese by relatives in the USA bc he was larger than everyone else. Both tall and more filled out. The term they used could have been construed as “fat.” It was not a compliment.

          So if you haven’t hear any JAs do this, I’d say you haven’t met enough Issei or Nisei little old ladies. Vicious.

          I’m white. The old Japanese American women I knew in Cali constantly talked to me about how our hapa kids would look and told me he and I needed to breed more smart, pretty hapa girls. I’m too old now to get that commentary.

          Once, walking down a street with my husband, an Issei woman who barely spoke English came up to me and said “make many pretty hapa babies with husband.”

          1. Julia*

            A lady at a store in Japan told me I’d have really cute “haafu” (half-Japanese) babies. To be fair, my dentist in Germany said the same thing when she heard I’d married a Japanese man, so it’s not just Japanese people who say things like that.

          2. Rumple Fugly*

            Honestly the number of times I’ve been told my partner and I will have pretty hapa kids by total strangers of all varying ethnicities will never stop being weird to me. It’s be pretty cool if we could stop fetishizing multiracial people as a general rule.

      5. Jesmlet*

        My mom’s family all live in Taiwan where she was born so whenever we interact, which is not that often since I live in the U.S, there’s always some comment about my appearance.

        “Woah, you still have pimples at 26?!”
        “You’re lucky you got your chest from your Italian side!”
        “It must be hard to find good clothes with such wide hips!”
        “Looks like you’re finally losing weight, do you have a boyfriend yet?”

        And they wonder why I don’t like visiting lol… I guess it’s not considered rude to call attention to things that make people insecure over there, but it definitely is over here in suburbia.

        1. Alienor*

          Oh God, my college-age daughter hates that aspect of spending time with her grandparents on her dad’s side of the family. They moved back to their country of origin a few years ago and only visit the U.S. once or twice a year, so she puts up with it, but not happily. We’ve had a lot of conversations over the years about how it’s a cultural thing and they don’t mean to insult her (although that said, they also lived and worked here for 40+ years, and they know perfectly well what is and isn’t rude by American standards) but she’s just about done with them because of it.

      6. matcha123*

        I work in Japan, and it’s considered rude. But, since your husband was (probably?) not Japanese, those rules are thrown out. Apparently family, friends and other “in-group” people feel fine commenting on those things, but you don’t generally say it to strangers. People will whisper and cast side glances, but not say anything. When it comes to westerners, people are taught that westerners are “open” and “freely” speak their minds, so I feel like that also factors in.

        1. Lo*

          Except that the Japanese relatives my husband has do it to each other. In Japan. Amongst themselves.

          Of course, they are all older.

          I’m not so sure it’s a much of an in v out group issue as it is generational. Or public v private.

          Based on my experience, I’m not so sure your conclusions are 100% correct.

          Maybe someone Japanese can comment.

          1. matcha123*

            Well, you said that your husband is sansei and to most Japanese people that means not “real” Japanese. Also, I’m sure there are regional differences, but I’ve been living in Tokyo for a year and lived in another large Japanese city for over a decade. I’m not going to call myself an expert on Japanese culture, but I do think I have a pretty strong base to my opinion.

        2. Julia*

          THIS. In my grad program here in Japan, we often talk about language and culture, and SO many Japanese and Chinese people here believe that English and Western languages in general means always saying what you mean. They look STUNNED when you tell them that no, even in the West, you don’t usually tell your boss that you don’t want to do this job or your mother-in-law that you hate her cooking. It’s an uphill battle…

          1. Betsy*

            Yes, my colleague said a similar thing when I was wondering why our students can suddenly sometimes seem oddly blunt, and it seems to come completely out of the blue (I’m in Southeast Asia). He is from an East Asian country, and says it’s a common perception that people from Western countries always speak completely directly. I find it interesting– there are a lot of ‘softeners’ in conversation here, but they’re almost the opposite of the kinds of ‘niceties’ in my culture. So sometimes I think it’s just a case of me feeling hurt about stuff that wasn’t intentionally hurtful, and conversely probably causing offence myself, in other ways.

      7. littlen*

        I studied abroad in Japan, and stayed with a good friend’s family for a few days over New Years. She was a little heavier than the average Japanese girl, but not that much, and oh man – the comments/jokes her family made about her made me so uncomfortable! “That chair is broken because Mari sat in it,” for example, or “The reason Mari is fat and her sister isn’t is because when we lived in America when they were little, Mari loved American food and her sister didn’t.” Ouch.

      8. Julia*

        I’ve been in a Japan for a while now and have worked in Japanese workplaces and married into a Japanese family, and my suspicion is that many Japanese people say things to foreigners that they would NEVER say to another Japanese person. Even if you speak the language extremely well, and you have a freaking Japanese name, when they can see your face and it looks foreign, they will treat you differently. Not everyone, of course, but when I have repeated some of the things I’ve been told at work or by strangers to my Japanese friends, they were always appalled that someone would say that to me.

        Of course, every culture simply has rude people, so it might have been just that as well.

      9. Teal*

        Being overly polite with someone can actually become a snub because it indicates that you don’t want to be friends. Though commenting on appearance is reserved only for very very close friends.

    5. Snargulfuss*

      I lived in Argentina for a little while and it was completely normal and acceptable for people to refer to each other as “la gorda” and “la negrita” *(the fat one, the black/dark one). Gordo/a (fatty) is a super common nickname or term of endearment.

    6. Danger: Gumption Ahead*

      When I worked in Vietnam and Thailand commenting on the fact that I was taller/bigger/had bigger feet at work was pretty normal and similar comments among local staff were also the norm. It was also not uncommon for the older women everywhere (e.g. at the market, in the neighborhood, at work) to scold other women if we went outside without a hat/parasol, to bring food to fix some real or perceived health/appearance issue, and to offer unsolicited advice and critiques on pretty much everything. I think it was a perk of being an elder

      I’d have been incredibly annoyed if it happened here in the US, but in both countries there was such a lack of malice in the comments that they never stung. Partially because they were commenting on the obvious (I was bigger, taller, and had bigger feet than 95% of the local population), partially because sometimes it was clear that the comment only sounded rude because of language limitations, but mostly because there was a fundamental lack of malice.

    7. Triple Anon*

      I’m enjoying this thread. I was unaware of these differences. Sometimes people from one of the cultures mentioned have said something that offended me and I thought it was meant as an insult. Now I see that cultural differences were at play. Here’s to being more compassionate and understanding.

    8. Hey Nonnie*

      This would be awful for me, since I only gain weight when I have medical problems serious enough to impact everyday functioning, and if I have serious medical problems I do NOT want to talk about them with anyone outside of my doctors and very close friends/family. Aside from the North American implied judgment, it would feel incredibly invasive for an acquaintance to comment on it.

      “Hey, you got fat!”
      “I’ve been having health issues, thanks for bringing that up.”

      Ugh.

    9. Casanova Frankenstein*

      It is definitely considered a normal and ok thing to comment on people’s weight in China and Taiwan. My boss frequently travels to China for work and sometimes goes on juice cleanses before his trips to try and head off weight gain comments. I also used to work with a Chinese factory manager who was slightly chubby by American standards, whose boss (the factory owner) once told her he would reward her with a vacation to Tibet if she was able to lose a certain amount of weight.

      1. doubleblankie*

        I worked in China for a while (still go there for work) and comments on appearance are just considered normal. A Chinese colleague, with no malice at all, would always comment on my appearance – things like ‘your outfit today is very nice. Apart from the shoes’. Pretty funny mostly.
        Once I was in the office elevator and a lady looked at me and said to her colleague, ‘foreigners really do have big noses!’. She just assumed I couldn’t understand-but I’ve had that said directly to me a lot of times!

        1. Betty*

          I’ve recently moved to a very black area. I am white (family history so so 100% white, but I am pretty small with pale skin and dark hair but…so are many other English people!) but I have had so many people (including one randomer at a bus stop) ask me if I am Chinese. And when I say no, they express scepticism, like I must be secretly Chinese and somehow want to hide it from them. Two people have told me I should get an online DNA ancestry test to check it out. I now really really want to go to China and have some Chinese people comment on my appearance to see what they think!

    10. Annie Moose*

      My sister-in-law who works with Nepali refugees to the US and has been to Nepal several times has remarked before on how she just had to get used to how blunt the Nepali culture is–my sister-in-law is chubby by American standards, but the Nepali people she knew would straight up go, “oh, you’re looking fat today” which was quite a bit of culture shock at first! Ditto for commenting on acne. But according to her, it’s not at all rude–people are just stating facts.

      1. Jen*

        I work with refugees here in the U.S. and I still remember the day one of my Nepali coworkers passed me in the hall and said “Oh, you’re really getting your weight back.” Bless his heart (I’m southern).

    11. Lissa*

      I think this sort of thing really hits a lot of liberal North Americans where they live, so to speak, because it has two ingrained views in conflict — “don’t comment on people’s appearances, especially weight” and “be tolerant about cultural differences.” Like, it’s hard not to have an implied “and it’s really not cool that they do that” tone about things that are completely fine and normal in other cultures, or a view that eventually the North American way will or should permeate the whole world and everyone will see weight as an offlimits topic.

      I get some people would be upset about it this but I honestly think the chair LW’s attitude was super healthy because he wasn’t being negatively affected by something in the culture where he lived that wasn’t meant badly and he wasn’t likely to change. I don’t know if there’s really a solution to this other than “don’t work or live in countries where they have a normal social thing that would be super miserable” though. I’m not sure how I would do in some of the cultures mentioned above that involve a lot of physical contact on greeting! I’d try to get used to it but might run screaming into the night…

      1. Bleeborp*

        I feel similarly that I could handle the weight stuff in these other countries (I’m chubby and would definitely get comments!) because, well, I’ve come to terms with that aspect of myself and even when someone does comment on my weight with malice, I laugh it off because that’s their insecurity, not mine. So if someone just says “you’re fat!” like it sounds coming from the cultures where that’s normal, I’d be like “Hell yes, I am!” But the constant cheek kissing of some cultures, I’m just not bred for it, it would make me dread meeting anyone ever!

      2. Specialk9*

        Liberal North American here who is also very well traveled. Your comment pretty much assumes that we must not travel, which is weird.

        1. Lissa*

          How so? I feel like it’s more of a challenge for those who do travel, if anything, to balance the issues about being culturally sensitive and understanding with the feelings about what’s really insulting or unacceptable, since it would come up more often! (I am a liberal north American myself, though haven’t travelled as much as I’d like recently!)

  5. ZSD*

    Well, unlike when I worked in California, I’ve found that no one here in DC wears flip-flops to work. :)

    1. CatCat*

      Haha, when I moved to DC from California, I did notice that people tended not to dress down quite so much.

      And also that people seemed to be in much more of a hurry.

      1. Legal Beagle*

        To people who are used to the pace of DC (or NYC), the non-hurriers are unbearably slow! I like to think of myself as an easy-going person, but a clutch of tourists walking four abreast on the sidewalk at a snail’s pace when I’m rushing to a meeting…ragestroke.

        1. Legal Beagle*

          (By “ragestroke” I mean, I say “excuse me” in a polite but loud voice. I’m a native Midwesterner so I can’t actually be rude!)

          1. awb*

            This is my favorite way of clearing space in NYC. I say excuse me firmly and loudly while maintaining a very fast pace. The excuse me gets people’s attention and then they move whem they see me heading towards them at speed.

        2. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

          I used to work in Faneuil Hall Marketplace and the tourists who would to slowly stroll through the busy Quince Market Building at lunch time made me crazy! For those who don’t know…it’s a historic building that now houses all sorts of food counters- very busy at meal times – and the idea is to leave the center lane clear for people to walk and then to step to the side to peruse the menu boards, look at the food selections, or order. Tourists always just stop short in the middle which causes a bottle neck of people – most of whom are carrying food. I’m from Boston, born and bred, and have never had a problem with being direct so many a tourist heard me yell at them “Damn it! Move to the side! We’re all hungry and would like to get through!!”

          1. Overeducated*

            Ohhh no. I used to work at Faneuil Hall myself and I never ever bought lunch at Quincy Market – for one thing it cost about my hourly wage, for another the crowds were just. Not. Worth. It.

          2. Falling Diphthong*

            And when they need to stop and discuss the fact that they are lost, it’s always in a doorway. Not off to the side.

            1. KT84*

              Lol, in NYC i find large groups of tourists think the middle of the sidewalk is the best place to discuss where to get lunch. Never mind the dozens of people having to maneuver around them. It is particularly funny/rage inducing when they leave their hotel lobbies and then hog the sidewalk. It’s like, you just came from an open space, why couldn’t you have had your conversation there? (On the flipside, I am sure the tourists go home and complain about the New Yorkers who are rush, rush, rushing every where they go).

      2. Floridian anonymous.*

        Seriously, it’s below freezing in FL in the mornings this week, and people in my gov’t office are wearing flip flops to work.

        1. Brandy*

          My mom works for Metro and loves her flip flops. She has her “dressy” ones for work and regular for at home.

        2. SophieChotek*

          It’s below zero where I am…and I’ve seen a few teenage girls at the mall wearing flip flops. (Sorry, not quite related to work.) I couldn’t fathom wearing flip flops when it is a high of zero…

      3. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain*

        82 degrees in Los Angeles today. It almost never gets below 65 during the day. I’m always amazed when Allison talks about not wearing sandals to work and business offices requiring closed-toed shoes. Flip flops are a bit a stretch for an office though.

        1. Lo*

          I’m in the South. My court judges don’t require closed toe shoes. Even the ones who prefer women to wear skirts

      4. Former Floridian Flip Flop 'Ficionado*

        One of the hardest things for me moving from FL to NC was realizing I needed actual shoes. I was just talking to another FL transplant today at lunch about what constitutes “dress” flip flops, and other concepts unknown in these parts. Except for when I worked in a company that had a factory floor so closed toe was mandatory, and for the many years I was a vet tech (comfy running shoes were a must), flip flops were totally fine for work!

      5. blackcat*

        I grew up in California. I would were flip flops to school on mornings that it was below freezing. My feet were cold in the morning, but fine by the afternoon.

        Flip flops and a northface fleece jacket. Bay area 2000s chic, I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

        1. As Close As Breakfast*

          Yes! Northface and Reef leather flip flops for me. Rain or shine, work or play really. And I lived in Berkeley in the 2000s, not too far from the Northface outlet so that helped.

          1. Ophelia Bumblesmoop*

            Reef flips are THE BEST. I bought a pair in 1997 and finally retired them around 2013.

    3. de_pizan*

      I remember seeing a comment on a blog somewhere about how supposedly you never see adults wear backpacks in New York because “backpacks are juvenile.” And my thought was about how probably a good 60% or more of the adults you see on their way to work here in Portland OR wear them, whether because of taking transit, biking, or simply because it’s a super casual city. Even at the law firm I worked at, I would see lawyers in their suits coming in wearing them.

        1. Doesn't talk to strangers*

          Backpacks are the bane of my subway existence in NYC. I hate them and wish they were not allowed on the subway! The people who use them rarely take them off in a crowded subway and are always bumping me with them and taking up more room than necessary. I legit will tap people on the shoulder and ask them to take off their backpacks on a crowded train. I find it very inconsiderate!

          1. Rusty Shackelford*

            They wear them on their backs? I’ve never been to NYC but I’ve noticed on public transit overseas that people often wear them in front (presumably because of pickpockets).

            1. Spreadsheets and Books*

              Almost exclusively. Pickpocketing isn’t a huge issue here, especially outside of tourist areas. You’re supposed to take your backpack off and put it between your feet on the subway but few people actually do that.

            2. yet another Kat*

              I wear my backpack in the front on the subway in NYC but it’s actually just out of consideration bc a backpack on someone’s back a) can take away floor space that could be occupied by a person, b) can easily bump people who aren’t equally considerate.

              Like Doesn’t talk to strangers above, I’ve been known to call out other who don’t turn their bag around or put it down. I have also, on a limited number of occasions, simply shoved a bag back. I’m mostly embarrassed by that behavior, and don’t recommend it, but seriously if you’re clueless enough to have a giant bag on your back on a crowded morning commute train, you’ve most likely made the decision that you dgaf about anyone else already.

              1. Liza*

                I do keep my backpack on when I ride the T in Boston, because the floor is filthy and I don’t want to set my bag on it! Though if the train is extra crowded I’ll take the backpack off and carry it by the top loop.

        2. Turquoisecow*

          Yeah, my husband commutes into NYC (from the NJ suburbs) via public transit and he always has a backpack. I once asked him why he didn’t have a laptop bag for his laptop (which is the main reason he has the backpack), and he said it was much easier to have the weight evenly distributed over both shoulders, rather than just weighing down one side.

          1. Kate*

            I was going to comment just this. I wore a messenger bag for years and had all sorts of back and shoulder issues. I’ve also heard that backpacks are juvenile, but when I have to lug my 10 lb laptop into an office, it’s going in a backpack.

            1. Aleta*

              This gets me, as a former bike messenger. You’re really not supposed to be carrying a lot of weight for too long in them (they’re more about ease of access), but even then, all the office types I see wearing them are doing it wrong! The top end is suppose to sit up near you shoulder, not down near your butt. I always cringe whenever I see it, their poor shoulders and backs.

              1. Aleta*

                Here’s an example what I’m talking about : https://trashmessengerbags.com/#/product/28

                (Also I don’t mean to imply you or other commentators are wearing them wrong, it’s just a thing I definitely see on an incredibly regular basis. We’ve actually started calling them sling bags to distinguish from office workers’ improperly worn messenger bags.)

                1. Kate*

                  I have seen them worn like that, and it makes sense, but I’ve always found that you have to make them really tight to keep them in that position, which makes it hard to get on and off. Also, even as someone who’s not particularly chestie, I found having the strap really tight across my check to be…challenging. But I do get what you are saying, and that is probably why I was having trouble with it.

                2. Aleta*

                  Aha, see, proper messenger bags have easily and quickly adjustable straps for that. You loosen it to either get inside it or take it off, and then tighten it back up when it’s time to go. It’s very fast, and why they’re preferred for messenger work. I would NOT be surprised if the random “messenger” bags you buy wherever don’t have that feature, though.

                3. Kate*

                  I’m kind of a Timbuk2 fanatic, and I’m pretty sure they do have that feature , but I was just too clueless to realize what it was for. So that’s good to know. I may have to dig some out of my closet. Thanks :)

                4. Aleta*

                  Different strap systems have different methods to get them tightened and untightened quickly while remaining secure, and I definitely had to see someone do it to get a few of them, so I wouldn’t feel too bad about it. Timbuk2 isn’t hugely popular with the messenger crowd (not really durable enough for the extra abuse), but they definitely are a brand that like, actually properly designed their bags and didn’t just copy the general look, if that makes sense, so they should be able to do that.

            2. Elizabeth the Ginger*

              Yeah – I used to carry a nice canvas tote bag, and then a messenger bag for a while, but once I started carrying a laptop (and then a laptop and tablet!) I needed to switch to a backpack.

          2. KR*

            I agree with your husband! I hate messenger bags. I used one during travel to Cincinnati and Charlotte in which my hotel was super close to the office and I didn’t need a rental/Uber. I was walking crooked all week and my shoulder hurt so bad. Now it’s a backpack all the way.

          3. rosiebyanyothername*

            I also commute to NYC from the NJ suburbs, and backpacks vs. laptop bags/briefcases seem to be a generational thing. Younguns like me seem to prefer professional-looking backpacks to briefcases. I used a totebag for about a month until my shoulder started killing me, and then I moved to a Fjallraven Kanken bag. It makes me look like hipster trash, but my back feels lovely.

            1. Specialk9*

              “hipster trash”. I’m having a hard time putting those two words together. Being a hipster is so expensive. I could see pretentious, fake, other such words, but trash? Does not compute.

        4. paul*

          All this talk about backpacks…are we talking like high school type backpacks? Hiking backpacks like what I’d take on a day hike? Or do they make professional looking ones?

          1. Doesn't talk to strangers*

            Mostly high school type. People wearing huge travel backpacks (usually tourists/travelers!) take theirs off. It’s the rude New Yorkers who leave them on! They do make more “professional” looking ones that are usually black and nicer material like leather or canvas (like a laptop bag, but a back pack).

            And yes, they wear them on their back; only tourists would wear them on the front.

            1. Pollygrammer*

              I have a backpack that converts to look like a messenger bag or briefcase. The straps zip away invisibly when they aren’t in use. It’s a lifesaver.

              1. Lindsay J*

                Is it the Solo brand one? I have that and love it. Comfortable and it looks professional without being fussy.

          2. Kindling*

            I live in Toronto, Canada and use a professional looking backpack. It’s made of vegan leather and it’s a pretty popular model here. Never had anyone comment on it. I use it because I typically bike to work (though not in the winter) and it’s a lot easier than a purse for that.

      2. Spreadsheets and Books*

        Did the person who wrote that comment live in the city? Because I’d say a solid 80% of the people in my Midtown white collar office wear backpacks to work. On my team of 10, only 3 of us don’t wear backpacks. I see lots on the subway, too.

      3. Wendy Darling*

        My mom said when she was flying from Los Angeles to Seattle she could always tell which gate was hers because it was the one surrounded by people wearing backpacks.

        Basically everyone on the bus I take to work wears a backpack. I used to be a messenger bag person but I switched to a backpack because my back hurt. Mine is blue with red trim.

        1. Swedish Chef*

          +1 to the Seattle backpack thing. My progression was college messenger bag to fancy pants leather tote to black hipster backpack because I have all kinds of back issues. My work BFF refuses to get a backpack, but she’s definitely in the minority at this point.

        2. Manders*

          Yes, the backpacks are a thing in Seattle! I think it’s a combination of a less formal culture and having bulky work supplies to carry around–many people take work laptops home with them, brown bag their lunches, etc. Plus, a lot of people walk or bike to work.

          1. Swedish Chef*

            Totally agree. I made sure to get a backpack that could hold laptop, running clothes, lunch, and my purse. And still close.

      4. Bag Lady*

        My boss in DC wore a (professional-style, not Jansport) backpack to the office every day. He used public transit and picked his kid up from school after work, so he didn’t want to carry extra stuff. Always seemed sensible to me! I wore a backpack to work myself when I had tendinitis and carrying a bag on one shoulder was painful.

      5. blondie*

        I see people, including professionals, wear backpacks all the time. I get why they do it but I always think that they look ridiculous.

        1. DuchessofMuchness*

          It could be because of shoulder problems. I was specifically told to switch to a backpack because I was causing damage to my shoulder from years of carrying fancy tote bags.

      6. voluptuousfire*

        They must not commute at all or be over 60/work in a more formal environment, because I see more backpacks than I do fancy tote bags/messenger bags/attache and brief cases while commuting in NYC.

        I personally carry a backpack with a laptop pocket. I have a smaller messenger bag I use during the summer/if I have an event where I don’t need to carry my backpack and that can make my lower back/hip hurt.

      7. DuchessofMuchness*

        A lot of people in NYC wear them. I wear one because carrying a classy tote bag around was giving me shoulder problems.

      8. Stormy*

        I work in the industrial sector in P-burg and backpacks are absolutely a thing. It’s a safety and ergonomics issue for carrying tools. Our company (and our competitors) makes custom embroidered ones for techs to wear to job sites.

    4. blondie*

      I just moved back to my home state of CA (to San Diego, no less!) after living in NY and Chicago for the last 10 years. Let me tell you: I kept wearing flip flops, even in winter! I would just keep a pair at work and change into them once I got into the building. I lived right next to shopping center for a while and sometimes in freezing weather I’d quickly walk into the building in flip flops and NO JACKET! So freeing.

    5. PR for Now*

      I’m from CA but I live and work in DC. I’m totally guilty of working flip-flops to work on some Friday in the middle of summer. Thankfully, my office is super casual.

    6. SanDiegoSmith*

      I recently relocated to San Diego from the North Bay Area and we have a “no flip flops” in the office rule that no one really follows unless we have clients coming in. Bay Area Office Casual is really relaxed by most office standards, and San Diego office casual even more so. I’ve had to adjust to the fact that “fancy” events out here (at least in my industry) simply mean a “good pair of flip- flops” and khaki shorts instead of blue denim. And about 7 months into the move- I don’t think I wanna go back to the other way. I couldn’t do DC after living here. I prefer to watch Winter from my TV.

      1. Autumnheart*

        I’m in the upper Midwest and my sister lives in San Diego. She buys most of her work clothes here because she finds it too dang hard to find appropriate work clothing there.

    7. Valkyrie*

      Native Los Angeleno here. I keep my “work shoes” under my desk and wear my sandals to and from work. They’re Birkenstock’s version of a flip-flop…I’m deeply committed to sandal life.

    8. gl*

      LOL :)

      Just drive a few miles south and you’ll see flip-flops for years. It’s possibly the DC environment is a bit more professional due to government workers etc. I can assure you that at least 30 minutes outside of DC the flip flops come out!

    9. Karma*

      Mate, we don’t even wear flip-flops to work in Australia. We call flip-flops ‘thongs’ though so that’s fun when we talk about tongs around Americans.

    10. Government Lackey*

      In the mountains of North Carolina it’s incredibly common for people to wear Chacos (outdoor sandals) 365 days of the year, even in offices.

  6. A Person.*

    In my southern U.S. office I am apparently the only person who will take the last doughnut/ sliver of cake/ half cookie left in the common area hours after it was put out because I’m not from around here.

    1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

      I wonder if that’s particular to your office or the area. I grew up in the south and still live/work here, and I will always take the last treat, conventions be damned. I want that treat!

      I should note I’m in Texas and sometimes we do things differently than “the south proper”.

      1. A Person.*

        Without fail if I comment on why anyone would leave a razor thin sliver of cake or half a cookie, the response is, “well that’s how we do things in the south.”

        Frankly I think some of them use it as a cover to not have to clean up.

        1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          I learned to accept it as being more symbolic than anything else. After all, no one is expected to eat that last sliver of cake or fragment of brownie. There’s no utility.

          1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

            I can see that if the razor thing piece of cake has been so mangled that it’s basically a chunk of crumbs, which is often the case.

        2. Liane*

          Not in this part of the south, the Arkansas capital. It’s like just about any workplace I’ve ever been or heard of, anywhere in the US: If you want food/drink to Totally Disappear–Fast, put it in the breakroom.

          I agree with A Person.’s cover up theory, because there’s no shortage of workers in this city who fill their cup/mug with coffee, leave 1 ounce in the carafe and don’t start a new one because, “I didn’t empty it–there’s still some left!” (I have a wide sample because all my friends complain this happens at their jobs) Heck, at the house, College Kids and Husband often leave a half inch of beverage in the soda bottle or iced tea pitcher.

          1. Brandy*

            Here in Tennessee we wait. Like its announced food time and you wait a good 5 minutes before heading up. You don’t want to seem starved.

            1. buffty*

              Ha, I’m in TN also, and we always rush the food. I’m often first in line, so I guess I’m one of the worst offenders!

              1. Brandy*

                We always get a second announcement before coming up. I thought it was how I was raised but I saw it here too and was surprised.

            2. Falling Diphthong*

              I still remember going to a launch meeting (in New England) that was a mix of sales and editorial people. The sales people were extroverting it up, making connections, while editorial tried to figure out when it was okay to go for the buffet. Like baby sea turtles waiting for one brave soul to make it to the water, and then the frenzy.

          2. Story Nurse*

            …this is a Southern thing? The “there’s still some left” thing? My Virginian partner does it and it drives me up the wall. I don’t think they even know why they do it—when I tease them about it (“There’s still one chip left in the bag so I guess you’re not done with it yet”) they don’t have a comeback! It’s just what they do and I don’t think they’re capable of stopping.

        3. Autumnheart*

          We do that in MN too. The most Minnesota example I ever saw was when someone brought in one of those gigantic Costco tubs of cheese balls, and the tub sat in the break room for hours with a single cheese ball left in it.

        4. Rumple Fugly*

          Huh, that’s funny. I’m from the South and the only place I’ve seen people play this game is when I worked in an office mainly populated by locals in Seattle.

      2. Lynca*

        I grew up and live in the “south proper.” I would take the last doughnut. That seems like a weird convention.

        1. Fiennes*

          Same here. Never seen any hesitation on taking the last piece/serving etc., though people often first ask whether anyone else wants it.

      3. The Photographer's Husband*

        A lot of times I will take the last piece of something purely because others will tip-toe all around it all day and let it get stale or cold or what-have-you. I figure someone ought to enjoy it while it’s fresh, so I’ll take the fall and be That Guy.

        Your welcome. ;-)

        3. Hey Nonnie*

          Same. I was raised in the Midwest, not the South, but it was deeply ingrained in me to never take the last serving of anything, ever.

          I was halfway through college before it occurred to me how ridiculous that was. Food is meant to be eaten. And it’s a pain to keep a bunch of nearly-empty containers in the cabinets.

          Now, in office situations I might politely wait for five minutes to see if anyone else wants the last donut, but if it’s still there when I go back it’s fair game.

      4. paul*

        I’ve seen the last donut/cookie/cake slice linger, but we’re a small enough office that I can’t tell if it’s politeness or just that no one actually wants it.

    3. PB*

      Oh, interesting. My family does that, too, and I never really knew why. My friends found it very weird. My dad is from the south, so maybe just a little bit of regional culture.

    4. The Cosmic Avenger*

      I’ve seen that tendency, although not as pronounced, about being first or last here in the Mid-Atlantic area of the US. However, since I see no noticeable qualitative or quantitative difference between the first or last item of food or those in between, I ignore it, and if anything people seem relieved. I think part of the “not taking the last [X]” around here is because people don’t want to have to clean up and/or throw out wrappers, boxes, etc., and I don’t mind doing those things if I’m partaking.

      1. H2O Lady*

        Ugh that drives me nuts! In my office, a plate of crumbly lumps of food will be left in the middle of the table indefinitely because no one wants to wash the dish. Don’t even get me started on the refrigerator….

      2. the gold digger*

        For me, it’s about not being the greedy person who takes the last bit that someone else might want.

        I am, however, perfectly willing to be the First Eater at any event.

        1. The Cosmic Avenger*

          I’ll usually only do that when things are sitting unattended and the last piece hasn’t been taken for many hours or days, or at a potluck when I’ve seen everyone go up at least once, and everyone has had a chance to go twice.

      3. Higher Ed Database Dork*

        I’m pretty much always the first person to take food, and it gets commented on. It’s annoying, but it’s more annoying to me to have everyone stand around silently and make nervous jokes about going first while the food just sits there. Eat the damn food!

    5. Natalie*

      This is really common in my home state (Minnesota) but now thanks to the internet we’re all super-aware and self-deprecating about our various quirks. So it’s okay to take the last Food Thing, but you have to awkwardly comment on how you’re doing the non-Minnesota thing by taking it.

      1. Sunnyside*

        In my office in Chicago we call it “Minnesotaing!” Walk through the break room and there’s one cookie left. An hour later, there’s half a cookie. In the afternoon there’s a quarter cookie. Leave the office and notice 1/8 of a cookie.

      2. Samiratou*

        I was just coming to post something very similar to this!

        Minnesotans, man. We’re nothing if not predictable. :-)

        1. don't want to enter witness protection yet*

          An anonymous location in Minnesota: My spouse had a work situation where their breakroom was eliminated, and they were told they could use another unit’s breakroom. Call other unit “Unit B.” This was not very convenient as you had to walk a ways to get there to microwave your lunch or whatever, but space crunch, so ok. Spouse went to Unit B’s breakroom. Spouse saw large cookie tray. Spouse saw exactly one cookie on it. Unit B’s people sitting around in breakroom. Room probably hushed (my theatrical imagination). It was after lunch. Spouse took last cookie. Ate it. “Hm, pretty good! Hi all!” Left, went back to work in Unit A.

          Email chain commences. Someone’s complained to a manager and there is a cascade of messages about inconvenience unit B is experiencing sharing the breakroom. Email cascade includes phrase “and he took the last cookie!” Matter is escalated through leadership.

          Unit A regains breakroom the next week.

          1. Emily S.*

            Oy. Good thing Unit A is getting their breakroom back.
            Personally, I may well have taken the cookie too! Free cookie in a breakroom is up for grabs unless there’s some kind of sign.

        2. Bethann*

          I am a Native Minnesotan and hate this. I used to work in an office where someone always cut the bakery items in half before the meeting. I would always comment on how it dried every thing out. I always want the whole thing and don’t like someone touching it first by cutting it in half.

      5. Covered in beeees*

        It’s also a very Minnesotan thing to not take all of the last Food Thing, but cut it in two and only take half. Depending on how Minnesotan your office is, this process may repeat itself multiple times, until there is only 1/8 or 1/16 left.

      6. BadPlanning*

        Yes Yes Yes! I know I have personally declared, “Well, I’m taking the last one” in an acknowledgement that we’d otherwise “politely” leave the last thing for someone else.

      7. Pollygrammer*

        You’re also allowed to recruit somebody to “split the last piece.” That’s the loophole.

    6. Elena*

      I think it’s more of a British thing than a southern thing. My family has the same habit, when never takes the last piece of anything. To do that would deprive anyone who hadn’t gotten any yet of their chance at it too. I’ve noticed in the past that certain versions of British forms of politeness still remain in the south.

        1. Ode to a hormone*

          Okay people- the thing where you can’t take the last piece is a Scandinavian immigrant rule- it is EXTREMELY RUDE to take the last piece because it implies that your host did not have enough to feed you- it means you are implying your host is either poor or extremely inhospitable. If there were a lot of Scandinavian immigrants in an area then this is a rule. If you do this when visiting my grandmother, she will be crushed because she didn’t put out enough food.

      3. SarahKay*

        We created a rule in our family that once the meal or occasion is over then leftovers are fair game! Mostly because we’d all been being polite and not greedily taking the last piece of cake and then it would go stale.

    8. PRGuy*

      In Wash DC, when sweets are brought in, the first thing that comes out is a knife. Nobody takes a whole piece of anything–and nobody finishes the last one until at least 5p. Leftover lunches, however, go quickly.

      1. miss_chevious*

        I find the office custom of cutting up sweets/snacks and leaving half so gross. I don’t take the last half of anything that didn’t arrive precut, because I don’t know who has mauled it.

        1. Beachgal*

          It never looks like it was cut with a knife either but rather ripped apart by hand. Basically just take the whole thing and save the rest for later. Noone wants to eat a half ripped donut.

    9. Lil Fidget*

      Where I am from in the Midwest, (this is sad and depressing), this last piece is called “the old maid’s piece.” I don’t like the phrase – I’m unmarried and above 30 – but it’s especially depressing when you think of the meaning. I believe it comes from, “this piece of cake has been sitting out too long, and now nobody wants it” :( Sorry to bum everybody out.

    10. LAI*

      I am in California but this is also very much a thing in Japanese American culture (maybe all Asian American?). No one can take the last piece. People may cut the last one in half and even in quarters, but there must be something left on the plate. I think it’s related to a sense that a good host will provide an abundance of food and you don’t want to be rude by eating it all and implying that maybe there wasn’t enough. Because the other thing about Asian gatherings is that there will usually be at least twice as much food as the number of guests can reasonably eat.

      1. Allison*

        I heard of this on Awesome Etiquette, that in some cultures you should leave a bite of food on your plate so the host knows you’re full and don’t need another helping.

        Where I live, I wonder if the unspoken rule against taking the last piece has to do with this idea that you never take all of what’s there, and you always leave something for someone else.

      2. Call centre worker*

        that’s interesting because my mother (british) lived in greece for a number of years and says that for the same reason, there was no taboo about taking the last piece of anything. her interpretation was that it would be assumed that the host has prepared enough food that the guests couldn’t possibly eat it all and that there will be more cake in the kitchen

        1. Manders*

          Hah, yes, my mother’s side of the family is Greek and I’ve never seen a family party ever come close to running out of food. When she worked in Greece and I was allowed to go to her work events, there might only have been two cakes out on the table, but there were more in the kitchen.

    11. Manders*

      This happens in the PNW too! The last donut is always the Zeno’s paradox of foods, it keeps getting cut in half but never fully eaten.

      1. Swedish Chef*

        Also in the PNW, and my office has zero qualms about finishing up a box of donuts (or any other treat for that matter). They occasionally forget to then throw the empty box in the recycling, but that’s a whole other ball of wax.

        1. Manders*

          Oh yes, your recycling habits WILL be noticed here. It’s not considered weird to carry around a piece of trash for a while if you can’t find the right disposal container.

          1. Durham Rose*

            I do this! I am Seattle native living abroad and can’t figure out why we are the only ones who know how to sort the recycling properly! Heavily ingrained from a very young age, I think.

    12. Cajun2core*

      I would resist taking the last piece of something. Especially if there were 2 cookies, I would not take both of them. Now, if all that was left was a razor thin slice of cake, I would take that if I wanted it. I would not try and cut it even smaller.

    13. Allison*

      I’m a “rude” northerner who will shy away from taking the last something unless it’s been there for a very long time. For baked goods, end of the day. I think it’s because I imagine someone angrily shouting “WHO TOOK THE LAST COOKIE??” Not sure where it’s from, TV shows? Commercials? My sister getting upset about the last something being eaten by someone other than her? I don’t know, but I seem under the impression that taking the last anything is some kind of social no-no.

    14. PizzaDog*

      It’s such a pet peeve of mine to see that last Timbit or whatever just hanging out there all day because someone doesn’t want to be the last person to take something (or just doesn’t want to toss the box / tray). Just eat it!

      1. KT84*

        I agree, I don’t have much patience for wasting food for pointless etiquette issues. People sometimes get way too hung up on things like that.

    15. ampg*

      These responses are funny to me! I always thought people didn’t take the last one because they’d rather not have to clean up the plate / box / whatever

  7. Anonymous Poster*

    When I’ve worked with Europeans (Italians, French, and German) in engineering, I was always fascinated by how they brainstormed. They generally wouldn’t want to brainstorm where I could hear, but would go off for about 30 minutes, I would hear lots of yelling in their native language, and then come back to me with, “We think this.”

    I wanted to be in those conversations – why did you come to this conclusion, did you consider X, etc., but that just Was Not Done. No idea if this is a European thing, or my engineering field thing, or just their personal quirks.

    1. dshockley*

      That’s so weird! I’m an American software developer (not engineering, but also technical), and I live and work in Italy, and my coworkers (at two different companies so far) definitely do not do that. Sometimes they switch to Italian, but they’re always happy to translate something for me and they are happy to have me in the conversation and definitely don’t hide in another room (except for the purpose of not disturbing me in case it’s something mostly irrelevant to my area of work). I understand enough Italian that often I follow anyway, but if I ask for clarification, someone always translates, and if I have thoughts, of course they intentionally include me in the discussion!

    3. Safetykats*

      I worked on a project a few years ago with a number of foreign nationals. While I think that everybody spoke English in meetings it wasn’t always possible to identify it as such (particularly for the Scots, lol). And of course they would all talk simultaneously. Our project manager came to one brainstorming meeting, and after watching for about 20 minutes he said “I have absolutely no idea what you’re saying. But I really like your enthusiasm!” Then he left.

  8. The Other Katie*

    Leaving on time! Norwegians and Danes basically don’t work late at all, and might even leave a bit early if they have to pick children up or something. There’s absolutely no culture of long hours to “prove” how hard you work.

    3. Samiratou*

      Good to know I’m bringing some of my Norwegian heritage into my workplace by refusing to play the visibility game.

      Not that I won’t put extra time in from time to time when warranted, but I won’t work long hours just because.

      1. Midwest for Life*

        Same! I push my team to wrap up by their end time and not stay late. Family is super important.

      1. The Other Katie*

        Same. People tend to assume you’ve got too much work or are inefficient, not that you’re being extra dedicated.

      1. Just Employed Here*

        Oh god, please do so. At least half of Scandinavia would move there, though

        *Cough, cough, had another snow storm today*

    7. Peggy*

      I’m currently reading both The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living and The Danish Way of Parenting and I’m trying to pick up a few tips about happiness. What a way to live. <3

    8. MaureenS*

      When I visited a company in China years ago, no one could leave until the boss left. If the boss was working late, everyone else was working late. Not sure if that was to a) keep people at work longer or b) encourage the bosses to go home at a reasonable time.

    10. London Calling*

      Yup. Used to work for a Danish bank and on business trips to head office in Copenhagen it was very common at 4pm to have the male colleague I was working with announce that he was finishing up now, it was his week to pick the kids up from school. They took it quite as a matter of course and would be astonished if any comment was made about it.

      1. Stone Cold Bitch*

        Yeah, us scandinavians strongly believe that fathers are parents. Why should men be denied the chance to be with their kids?

    11. Violet Fox*

      You also get chastised by your coworkers if you don’t take your vacation time.

      The work day does typically start earlier, often 7am or 8am, sometimes so that people make sure they are able to leave work in time to pick up their kids (this goes for both men and women).

    12. TaxAnon*

      I recently left a toxic workplace where I was slammed on my annual review for “leaving at 5”, after which I would go home and work the rest of my evening on my laptop. Apparently if you’re not in the office it didn’t count.

      I am now at a new job where working from home is not permitted asked my manager at my new job if it would be poorly received if I came in at 6am during busy season so I could leave at 6pm to spend time with my family. She said she would be thrilled to have another early bird and nobody would think poorly of me for not being in the office until 8-9-10pm or later.

    13. Red and White*

      Absolutely this! I work in Canada and generally this sentiment of long hours = working hard is quite common. But given my European background I find it complete bs! In my culture, staying late is actually looked at quite negatively towards an employee’s work habits. By staying late you’re showing that you’re incapable of managing your time effectively; that you’re incapable of completing your work in the eight hour window that you’re given. I make it a point to leave on time every day because I manage to get my work done on time every day.

    14. Cyberspace Hamster*

      New Zealand instead but oh yes, the difference I experienced between moving from a big American multinational to a small Kiwi run company in this regard is amazing. I love that I don’t have to worry any more that the only surefire way to get recognition for your work seems to be to stay a few hours late.
      Funnily enough though I’m more likely to work a little late here now because I know nobody is going to bat an eyelid if I leave early some other time and I occasionally do stuff after work with colleagues who finish half an hour later than I normally would (I start slightly earlier than average for my workplace). I dunno if it’s a NZ wide thing though – I could just have an awesome company to work for.

    15. Stone Cold Bitch*

      Scandinavian here!

      It’s very common for people to leave around 15.00 or 15.30 on the days when they pick up their kids from daycare. Most of them come in between 7 and 8, or make up the time on days when they are not the one picking up their child. Parents usually split the job of picking up or dropping off at daycare, so it’s very normal for men to leave at 16.00 or having to go home to care for a sick child.

      Parental leave is 18 months (to be split between parents so some do 50/50 others do other precentages) so fathers usually take a few months off for parental leave.

      1. KT84*

        Sigh, it must be nice to live in a country whose work culture actually respects people and their personal lives – not like the US with our long hours, working lunches, unpaid breaks and six lousy weeks of maternity leave (which doesn’t even have to be paid – it just means your employee cannot fire you for taking six weeks to care for your newborn baby!).

        My last company actually told us 40 hours a week was the minimum and that they expected 50 hours from us at least. Go-getters we were told should work even more than that. We were all salaried so overtime was not a thing. Its depressing to think most people see there co-workers more often than their actual family.

      2. Specialk9*

        18 months. I’m having a hard time being happy for you. 1.5 month here, and I’m lucky for here.

    2. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

      Not necessarily chaos, but when I worked in a more rural part of CA, my coworkers and I definitely adopted “mid-afternoon froyo” hour during the warmer months. I think it cracked up the restaurant staff to see 12 adults, sometimes with children/grandchildren in tow (it was common/ok to bring your kids in over school breaks), coming over every day for a treat.

      1. Ella*

        I know Alison said “rural neighborhood,” but I am imagining “house in the middle of nowhere that is surrounded by forest reachable only by dirt road,” which is making it even more strange in my head. An ice cream truck trundling down a rutted, dirt lane with its music fading in and out, to approach an abandoned-looking house surrounded by rusty cars and Subarus with $250k miles on them…it’s like the beginning of a Coen brothers movie.

        1. Temperance*

          Booth’s first job out of college was in a rural town where their office was actually a house. It wasn’t quite as desolate as you’re imagining. All of the roads were paved, although there were a lot of junky cars and Amish people riding their buggies through town.

          1. Ella*

            Omg! Temperance Brennan! I’m so excited to run into you on the internet.

            (Like, seriously, your name just made me smile all over.)

        3. oranges & lemons*

          That’s a pretty accurate description. Sadly, the ice cream truck driver was not Steve Buscemi, but she was a kind of local celebrity. And we had a number of weird, obscure 70s celebrities living in the area as well.

    4. Turquoisecow*

      I worked in the corporate office of a supermarket, specifically in merchandising. There were always food samples around. Eventually it became expected tradition that the frozen people would offer ice cream or other frozen desserts to much of the merchandising office on Fridays – especially during the summer.

      1. Ella*

        I know you mean “people in charge of merchandizing frozen food,” but I’m having fun imagining “the frozen people.” Are they encased in ice? Are they fans of Elsa?

      2. yasmara*

        Super common in the food industry – it’s fun! Most food companies also have company stores where they sell their products at an employee discount.

        My husband was expected to bring food to his PhD defense (Food Science).

      1. Xarcady*

        My company arranges for an ice cream truck to come by 2 or 3 times every summer. We all go out and get a free ice cream, everyone stands around in the heat for 20 minutes chatting, and then we go back in and work again. The level of happiness in the office is much higher the rest of the afternoon. Peak was reached during the eclipse last year–we had the ice cream truck in the parking lot for an hour.

        So curious about what that other office got up to with the ice cream truck.

        1. Weyrwoman*

          Xarcady, my office is similar – we have a food court on the first floor of the office building and there’s a delightful popsicle place that comes up to our office randomly to give out popsicles. (I always get chocolate sea salt because mmm)

      2. As Close As Breakfast*

        I REALLY want my own on-demand coffee truck. We used to have a Bread Man come by once a week, but I’ve long fantasized about a coffee truck that rolls up (when called or at 2:30 every afternoon…) playing Flight of the Bumblebee to let us (ahem, me) know they’re here.

    6. Detective Amy Santiago*

      At old ToxicJob it was a fairly common occurrence that people would cry at work. I had a very kind manager who never quite figured out how to handle it when his female subordinates would drag him in a conference room and cry over their frustration with something. There was a small deli across the street from our office, so boss got in the habit of going over and buying ice cream for whoever it was that cried. That became him buying ice cream for our whole team anytime someone cried, so there were times when you’d step away from your desk and come back to find an ice cream sandwich and be like “Oh, who cried?”

    7. Maggie*

      I used to work in a rural area (though definitely an office, not a house) and we would almost always get ice cream in the afternoons in the summer from the place across the street. While not everyone would join every time, HEAVEN FORBID you did not go around the office before you left and ask everyone individually if they would like to go. This caused no less than 3 arguments at the beginning of every summer despite the number of times that we warned the new interns.

    8. Insufferable Bureaucrat*

      There was an ice cream shop by my work that gave out free ice cream scoops on their company anniversary. It was also next to a university and high school so major chaos on free ice cream day with a line always going down the street. I feel sorry for the employees, that day must have been traumatic. Every year people at my work, myself included, would take like a two hour break that day to wait in line for ice cream, get the ice cream, then get back in line and eat it while waiting for the next scoop. This was a totally acceptable thing to do for some reason. I guess all rules are suspended when there is free ice cream. It was high quality stuff too, I miss that place.

  10. Angela B.*

    My last office was in central Mississippi with a pretty decent contingent of people who grew up on or near the Gulf Coast/southern LA, going to New Orleans all the time, etc., so every year at this time there would be people bringing in king cake every week and leaving it in the break room… it was glorious. Now I work in upstate New York and nobody even knows what king cake is! Sadness abounds.

    3. Ella*

      That is horrible! You can order king cake off the internet now and they’ll ship it to you from New Orleans. Expensive but probably worth it. :-D

      1. Angela B.*

        My husband and I were actually at a wedding in New Orleans this past weekend and I schlepped not one but two king cakes back on the plane with me. One got eaten immediately and the other has been frozen for my traditional king cake birthday cake :D But in the future, yeah, I’m gonna have to order online because I can’t not have it.

      3. Jessie*

        I used to work with a woman who was a post-Katrina* transplant from New Orleans, and she would get a king cake ordered up to our office in Kansas, as well as hand out beads to everyone. I don’t work there anymore but I still have some of those beads.

        *she had a before/after photo album of her house from when it got destroyed by flooding that she would bring in every year at the Katrina anniversary.

    4. cncx*

      i’m from that area. i didn’t know until i went to college that no, you don’t get mardi gras off of work/school and you just don’t get king cake all the carnival season (in high school we literally had some every day, someone would always bring one in). i was literally an adult before i realized other places didn’t do mardi gras.

      1. SpiderLadyCEO*

        I’m Catholic and from the south, so Mardi Gras was always a Big Thing at school at at my house. When I went to public school and made non-Catholic friends, I just roped them in. Now I have a big ole party every year, and since I live in the Frigid North, I’ll be making the king cake myself!

    5. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

      Ohioan here, and at my last workplace, one of my coworkers would bring in king cake during Mardi Gras/lent. The first time she brought one in, I had no idea what it was. I had to ask someone. Lol.

      2. DuchessofMuchness*

        I’m also from Ohio (but live in NYC now) and somehow I always knew what king cake was? I think I must have read about it in a book or something. Don’t swallow the baby!

        In my home area, it was packzi (Polish doughnuts) that everyone went nuts for around Lent. Came out here to NYC and no one has any idea what I’m talking about.

        1. Red Reader*

          I’m not in Michigan anymore, but I get super excited during paczki season and shove them at anyone I can to share the goodies :)

        2. Ruth ok*

          Here in the UK the Tuesday before lent starts we all make pancakes (mostly thick crepe style with sugar and lemon juice, but American-style sometimes in cafes). Then pancake races (where you run and toss pancake in a frying pan) happen in some places. Went to one a couple of times it’s good fun. On pancake day I just eat sweet and savoury pancakes all day!

      3. As Close As Breakfast*

        I’m in California and just had to Google what king cake was in order to follow this thread, if it makes you feel any better. :D

    6. C in the Hood*

      I’m in the Northeast, and we have a King Cake sitting right next to my desk as I type this, shipped to us from one of our vendors! We get like 2-3 King Cakes a year.

      1. Ella*

        Hi it’s me the intended recipient of that king cake. I’ve been trying to contact the vendor about their mistake forever and ever.

        (worth a shot.)

    8. stress ball on a deadline*

      King cakes are great.
      10 years ago, two coworkers set up a ‘Fat Tuesday’ trade between the Michigan office and the Louisiana offices.
      Paczki from Hamtramck, king cake from New Orleans.
      Though the offices have changed very dramatically since then, we still have king cake every year and toast old friends.

    9. Swedish Chef*

      I’m in Seattle, and our office randomly received two king cakes last week. It was absolutely amazing, and we were all delighted. Rumor has it there was no baby in the cake, but it was delicious regardless.

    10. paul*

      you can keep the king cake but man oh man I miss shrimp boils from when my aunt was living in Louisiana. Goodness those were nice.

    11. HRM*

      I just started noticing grocery stores carrying king cake here in western NY (think Buffalo/Rochester/Syracuse) within the last 2-3 years… I had never heard of it before! I still haven’t tried it

      1. Angela B.*

        Well the capital district needs to get on that ASAP, this is the first place I’ve lived where I haven’t had easy access to king cake and it sucks!!

      2. irritable vowel*

        Yeah, I am in New England and I was very surprised to see king cakes at my local Whole Foods last week!

    12. Party Gras*

      I live on the Gulf Coast in Mobile, Alabama (*birthplace* of Mardi Gras), and we get three days off of work for Mardi Gras, and our students (I work in public education) get a whole week off! That, combined with the king cake and moon pies, make life GLORIOUS this time of year!

      1. working abroad*

        Former Mobilian here! (Well, from the Eastern Shore but went to high school in Mobile)…nice to see ya on AAM!

    13. oranges & lemons*

      Important distinction: are we talking contemporary sheet-cake style king cake or the traditional, cinnamon roll-like ones?

    14. Lissa*

      Canadian here who had never heard of king cake and just went on a Google extravaganza….I need to somehow find some of this!

    15. Blathering*

      I’m sitting at my desk in downtown New Orleans, pleased to see all the King Cake love. I’ve sampled 12 different varieties this season so far. But it’s a short carnival season this year since Mardi Gras is next Tuesday.

      We have a king cake once a week (this week’s is homemade and delicious) and one year we made shoe box floats since much of our staff grew up elsewhere and did not make them as kids.

      I’m the director at the moment and everyone knows that I’m going to work short days because if I stay to regular time on parade days, I can’t really get home. Everyone accommodates those of us who live near the parade routes.

  11. D.W.*

    When I was working in South Korea (2012-2015), I quickly found out that it was frowned upon to disagree with your boss when asked “what do you think” and to decline a group outing. I don’t drink alcohol, so I always said “no, thanks” when the team was going out for drinks.

    I still maintained great relationships with my boss and my co-workers, but it took some getting used to on both sides.

    1. Marie*

      Often in office environments Koreans are expected to stay out drinking until the early hours of the morning with their boss even on work nights. On the plus side I believe the boss is expected to pay. Though if you don’t drink it doesn’t help you.

      1. D.W.*

        I know, though that still didn’t endear me to the practice. I don’t drink, and I don’t like mingling with my manager outside of work, so that was pretty much not happening.

        The team figured out something that worked for all. It was their first time meeting a non-drinking American before!

      2. Trig*

        My partner’s old company was working with a Korean company on some software. The Korean team came overseas to get the training in person, and of course they had some dinners/nights out. With them was a guy whose only job, as far as partner could tell, was to hold his liquour. He drank as much as everyone else, but stayed completely sober, and could thus round them all up at the end of the night to get them back to the hotel. It was impressive!

      3. Fleet Manager*

        As the ex-Fleet Manager of a certain international Korean electronics manufacturer’s UK division, it was my job to clean up after the Korean execs if they happened to have any incidents whilst driving home from an evening of excessive drinking…

        The stories I could tell! How none of them were ever arrested or anyone was killed still amazes me now, some 15 years after I decided I couldn’t take it any more and left.

    2. Betsy*

      I’m still struggling with the expectation of not disagreeing with your boss in the country where I am now. I have trouble knowing what to do in meetings, being naturally quite outspoken. I think the meetings here are more for the bosses to tell you what they have already decided, rather than for coming to decisions as a team, or for having any input.

  12. Cassandra*

    Some twenty years ago I traveled to Budapest with my father, who was on an academic grant. I learned that business-office hospitality in Budapest usually involves tiny cups of very strong espresso. There did not seem to be a polite way to refuse.

    Since I was (and am) not a coffee drinker, I also learned the hard way that it’s okay to drink espresso with sugar!

  13. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

    Being too polite. I have always worked in Minnesota, so people rarely say things directly. Lots of passive aggression. On the other hand, everyone welcomes new coworkers, is friendly to each other, and baked goods are often brought to the office.

    Two things I’ve noticed:

    1. If you are in or near to being in someone’s way, or need to get by or near any other person, both will undoubtedly say, “Ope, sorry!”

    2. Taking the last office snack is social suicide. Instead, cut in half or leave it. And maybe someone will cut THAT half in half, and so on.

    1. lady bird*

      I’m an Okie transplant living in Texas and can confirm “ope, sorry!” and “ope, my bad!” are said down here too! I didn’t know it reached all the way up to Minnesota.

      1. paul*

        I’ve beeni n Texas since 2002 or 3 and go to Oklahoma a lot and don’t recall hearing ope at all. This is weird.

        1. JB (not in Houston)*

          I hear it a lot! It just sometimes happens when someone says “Oh” quickly followed by “sorry.” I don’t know if it’s American’s tendency to add a “p” sound to the end of some words (nope, welp) or if it’s because it can naturally happen if you fully close your lips after saying “Oh,” but it happens. I would bet you’ve heard it before but the “p” sound was soft enough/followed quickly by the “sorry” that you didn’t pick up on the sound.

          1. Trig*

            Canadian here. I say it, because if you step on a Canadian’s foot they will apologise… I always thought of it like an alternate “oops”.

      2. Arielle*

        East Coast transplant from Michigan here, can confirm “Ope, sorry!” is part of my vocabulary and I have never seen it written out before!

    2. The Senior Wrangler*

      As a British person, I will routinely apologise for things that aren’t my fault, like if someone bumps into me in the street. And you can have the last snack, as long as you offer it to everyone else first. If you are offered, it means the person offering wants it, so you sort of have to say no.

      1. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

        Same here! I hear that anyone who wasn’t born in MN and is in the catering or event business has to learn that just because there is a little bit of a food left, doesn’t mean the customers don’t want more! They’re just too polite to finish it off.

    3. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

      I have lived in Ohio all my life, and we do the “ope” thing here, too.

      1. Millennial Lawyer*

        My boyfriend’s from Ohio and insists “ope” is an Ohio thing. Funny enough I’m in NYC, and I feel like I say ope!

    4. Just Peachy*

      +1 to the ‘Ope, sorry!’

      I live in Kansas City, MO, and EVERYONE says ‘Ope, sorry!’ (myself included). I saw a meme once that pointed out how everyone in the Midwest uses this phrase. Now I just chuckle to myself every time I catch myself or someone else saying it.

    5. Jubilance*

      As a transplant to MN, I can definitely agree with the passive aggressive thing. Also a lot of native Minnesotans are surface friendly only. The running joke is “Minnesotans will give you directions to everywhere except their cabin”.

      1. SpiderLadyCEO*

        This transfers over to North Dakota, too. Everyone likes to tell you how nice North Dakotans are, how they’re the kindest people you’ll ever meet, on and on. But no one here is actually nice or kind or helpful, they’re just polite. As a southern transplant, it’s mindboggling.

        1. Eppie*

          I moved to MN from ND (about 350 miles). I’ve had people ask me about cultural differences. I usually respond, “in ND, we don’t talk so damn much.” :)

        2. Candace*

          I moved to ND 3 years ago, and to me, it is really refreshing to be left alone! Polite is fine, but please, stay out of my business. Maybe peope leave me in peace because they don’t care, but I’m good with that. Of course, this is after 22 years of crowds and massive cities and everyone knowing my business because I lived so close to people I could literally stick a hand out the window into the neighbor’s living room.

      2. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

        In fairness, one needs a sort of regional background, often, to FIND said cabin! Directions to a friend’s place are something like “drive 35 north, pass the huge lake and through the Native reservation, pass two small lakes, then take a left on the second dirt road with the bent tree hanging over it.” No joke.

          1. Stormy*

            I HATE THIS. All the time, I hear people give directions to their teen children referencing a business that closed twenty years ago. Join the present and learn street names, you dusty old farts.

            1. saf*

              Once upon a time, I went to visit a friend who was stationed at a naval airbase in Maine. He lived off-base.

              He gave me directions to his place that involved a LOT of unnamed things. I asked for street names/route numbers. He just said, “sorry, those don’t exist.”

          2. General Ginger*

            I think this may be a general rural area thing, because I’ve encountered it in rural Eastern Europe, France, rural upstate NY/NJ, and most of New England.

            1. Not So NewReader*

              Yep, yep, yep.
              Can’t use the street names and route numbers because they keep changing those.
              One time I got instructions to go past 25 pine trees and turn right. really? I just looked for right hand turns instead. I am not one for needless complexity.

        2. curly sue*

          Eastern Canada, lord love a duck. “Take a left at the willow, head up towards the old Pete farm and make a right where the red barn used to be.”

          (Except the barn burned down in 1978, and ‘the willow’ isn’t a tree, but an intersection named after the old hanging tree for pirates that used to stand there… in the 18th century.)

          1. a-no*

            “Lord love a duck” is also pretty big in central Canada to about Alberta. My parents are from Manitoba & Saskatchewan and they taught us that and here in Alberta, those not from the Prairies have no idea what I’m talking about

          2. whimbrel*

            Halifax has one of those intersections! Not only is there no longer a tree, there isn’t even the restaurant named after the tree anymore. I think now traffic reports just refer to it by its street names.

        3. Kathenus*

          I was in Denmark a couple of years ago getting directions to a particular wildlife area, and a couple stopped during their dog walk, brought me about four blocks out of their way to the edge of a field, and told me to go down the path until I saw the goats, then turn left. It was fantastic.

      3. Hlyssande*

        On the radio this morning, I heard the morning show hosts making a ‘primer’ for out of towners coming in for the Superb Owl.

        It included such gems as “Minnesota Nice to your face!” and “Minnesota nice, sometimes the n is silent.”

      4. Natalie*

        There’s even a lowkey version between Twin Cities folks and outstate Minnesota. Born and raised in Minneapolis I am never completely comfortable outside of the Twin Cities. If you’ve ever seen Drop Dead Gorgeous, it’s obviously exaggerate but that’s what it feels like.

        (The line, in the most Fargo-y accent you’ve ever heard, is “you won’t find any rooms in the back of *our* video stores, unlike the Sin Cities”)

        1. Joielle*

          Ha! Yes. My husband and I live in Minneapolis and are both queer, tattooed hipsters (and my hair is very short and blue), and when we visit his extended family up North it’s like a whole different world. You can tell people on the street are just a liiiiittle suspicious of us.

      5. kb*

        Minnesota is one of the hardest places to break into a friend group as a transplant, in my experience. Part of that, I think, is because a lot of people in Minnesota are from there so they’ll keep the same friend group from hs and college. Cross that with the fact Minnesotans are notoriously private and you get a lot of difficulty breaking the ice between acquaintance and friend. It’s also very much a deck culture, if you’ve heard of the front porch culture vs. back deck culture

      6. PickyD*

        YES! About 6 months after moving to MN, I heard a radio program where the host was interviewing someone who ran welcome events for new residents. The host was CRAZY rude to her, saying, “I think it’s just fine here! Could it be that transplants just don’t want to fit in?” and other gems. After hearing that, I was relieved it wasn’t just happening to me, but it didn’t help me deal with the serious depression I’d fallen into after moving here. It took 3 years to climb out of that, and despite being very talkative and nice to strangers, I have dozens of transplant friends and literally ZERO native MN friends.

        At Lowbrow the other day I saw a woman sitting at the counter with her work badge on and asked her about it. (I was picking up an order of their ridiculous fries.) She happily told me she’d moved here a month before for work. I asked how it was going making friends and she said, “Everyone has been so nice! They’re just really busy!” I felt ***so*** bad for her but didn’t want to break her spirit. I gently said, “You know, I’ve found that my best friends here are fellow transplants. You should look for those!”

        My fries came and I left, but I felt so awful that I’d barely walked outside before I turned around. I grabbed a napkin and wrote down my name, cell phone, and also wrote “Break the Bubble!” which is a Twin Cities newcomer group for young professionals. (No networking, just friend-making, usually at a fun craft brewery.) I said, “Imma be honest here… you’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t look for transplants. You’re right — MN are VERY busy because they’ve lived here for generations and have plans for every weekend/holiday/event with their families or best friends from 2nd grade. It’s great for them and I wish I had that myself, but unless you marry someone from here, you are never going to break into a family. Go to one of these events and talk to people and you’ll be SO much happier!”

        I felt bad saying that, but I didn’t want her to fall into the same trap I did, thinking it was just me.

        Wow, I’m a downer lol!

    6. Cajun2core*

      In Alabama and Louisiana, not so much the “ope” but definitely the “sorry” or “excuse me”.

    7. Legal Beagle*

      Ope! is very Midwestern. I just saw a tweet that said “If you don’t say ‘Ope! Let me just sneak right past ya there’ when someone is in your way, are you really from the Midwest?” I couldn’t stop laughing, it’s just so accurate.

      2. Trig*

        Ahahaha, I definitley read the “Let me just sneak right past ya there” in my strongest mental MN accent. Perfect.

    8. Cube Ninja*

      A not insignificant number of Minnesotans are intensely passive aggressive. It’s annoyingly pervasive in office culture in the Twin Cities because you waste a bunch of time dancing around issues rather than just addressing them head on. Thick skin and a polite-but-direct communication style is helpful for avoiding this to an extent.

      Transplants generally retain most of their original tendencies, but pick up things like “ope”, “you betcha” and the occasional “uff da”. I on the other hand picked up on the elongated vowels thing (e.g.: Minnesooota) and went through a very strange period of about 3 months where I could hear my own accent.

    10. Staceysaurus Rex*

      ahhhh ‘Minnesota Nice”…

      There was recently a letter about the coworker who was invited to lunch, went to lunch, and afterward everyone was “why did she come! she should have known! we were being polite!” and my first thought was…i wonder if they are in Minnesota?

      1. MN*

        I’ve lived in 3 different states and they tell that story in all of them. I’m a MN transplant now and I love it. I suppose there is a little passive aggresssion (maybe a lot) but people are genuinely kind and caring. In a five month job hunt, over 99% of people I reached out to were willing to meet with me. People share food, volunteer, give directions to strangers, walk you through the skyway to your destination, give generously. We’re private and self-contained so don’t expect our life story, but if you need something we’re there.

    11. sb*

      Huh, I never noticed I do the “ope” thing. I’d have spelled it (if I was writing fictional dialog or something) as “whoops”, even though both ends of the word aren’t pronounced (it’s more like “hup”, in my dialect, but I’m on the Northern Cities Vowel Shift border).

      1. MJ*

        I’m sitting in front of my computer chanting these different pronunciations, trying to see what feels right, and my husband sticks his head in. “Are you alright?”

    12. Elle*

      I grew up in the south but my family is from the midwest, I say “ope sorry” and had no idea till now that it was a thing. I never even thought about it.

      Also in searching google images for “ope sorry meme” like someone mentioned, I found a meme that has a hobbit saying “Don’t they know about second winter?” which made me laugh out loud. I think the only reason I didn’t get a strange look from coworkers is that they’re mostly out to lunch at the moment.

    13. Hey Nonnie*

      I had always thought that “Ope!” was linguistically descended from Scandinavian immigrants, of which there were many in Minnesota and a huge contingent of Scandi descendants (primarily Norwegian) still living there. This along with Ollie and Lena jokes.

    14. Lissa*

      I’m curious about the social suicide thing! I live in Canada, and we also like to not take the last thing, but generally someone (OK, often me) will do it, and the person is never *actually* looked at badly, it’s kind of recognized as being somewhat ridiculous. Sometimes people will even thank me for doing it so they don’t have to keep looking at it! Would it really make others dislike you in Minnesota to take the last thing?

      1. Hey Nonnie*

        Nah. Where I grew up, if someone was able to overcome the social conditioning in the first place (which was questionable!), it was treated as a self-deprecating joke. It’s much the same as the infamous “Minnesota good-bye” (where you have to say good-bye at least three times before you actually stop talking long enough to leave). We acknowledge and laugh at ourselves while doing it (“how many good-byes was that? are we up to two?”), or if we manage to get away with fewer than three, we acknowledge and laugh about that too (“I’m skipping the last good-bye!”). We know we’re ridiculous and laugh at our silly habits a lot. We will probably get some good-natured ribbing (or a lot of it) about “not saving the last piece,” but no one is genuinely mad about it.

        There’s actually a series of YouTube videos based on the book “How to Talk Minnesotan”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdLPJfbLNOM

  14. MAB*

    I work in the PNW is an industry that is both extremely conservative and extremely liberal. In my company you see people with non-natural colored hair, viable tattoos and facial piercings, however we do UAs quarterly (pot is legal in this state), if you wear a low cut shirt you will get a talking to and makeup is not common.

        1. MAB*

          Correct. Most companies I have worked for require it at the start of employment and with cause or injury. This is the first I have encountered that required testing quarterly.

    2. Mike C.*

      This sounds a lot like my industry in the PNW as well. Do you have a really weird mix of blue and white collar workers as well?

      1. MAB*

        We do. Whats even odder is when we have employees with advanced degrees working in pretty medial task jobs.

    4. Manders*

      Yes, I worked in an unusually conservative industry in the PNW for a while, and employees nearly quit over being told they couldn’t wear jeans and had to take out facial piercings.

      Now I’m in a much more liberal field. While there’s no dress code at all, I’ve found that people tend to gravitate toward a particular “uniform” anyway, to the point that I once lost my boss at a conference and followed the wrong person around for an hour because nearly half the attendees were wearing the same blue checked shirt + short beard.

      1. Heather*

        I moved to Seattle from the DC suburbs about 9 years ago, and am still struck by how casual most workplaces are. The boss who interviewed me for my current job wore basketball shorts and a t-shirt to the interview. At my first job here, it was common for coworkers to go to yoga before work, and then wear their yoga clothes all day. That job was an Americorps position, so at the end of my term everyone knew I was job-searching. One day I was wearing dark jeans and a nice top, and multiple coworkers stopped to ask me if I was dressed up for a job interview that day. I was so offended anyone thought I would wear jeans to a job interview!

        I also still can’t get over the casual hugging. I am fine with hugs from people I know and like, but when someone I just met or a coworker I’m not really friends with goes for a hug, I feel so uncomfortable. I never thought of myself as an uptight person until I moved to the Northwest!

        1. Manders*

          Ugh, yes, the hugging is the one thing I don’t think I’ll ever fully adjust to here. People are otherwise very careful about their personal space bubbles, so I don’t know how hugging became so common.

          1. Heather*

            I’ve started trying to say “oh I’m not a hugger!”, at least sometimes, just to set a boundary. It’s not completely true, but it’s true enough. Though people don’t always respond well to that. Once at a networking event a guy was hugging everyone in a group I was with. I said “sorry, I’m not really a hugger!” very cheerfully and offered a handshake instead. He actually turned and walked away from me!

        2. SubbyP*

          I live in the PNW, and it was so bizarre to me to realize that other places don’t consider sweater and slacks appropriate wear for a law firm receptionist and get dressed up to go out to eat. Here “business casual” just means “not jeans/shorts or t-shirts”, “semiformal” means “necktie”, and “formal” means “tie and jacket.”

    5. NW Mossy*

      Yup, definitely a thing in the PNW.

      I’ve also noticed that there’s a huge difference in handling mistakes compared to my previous gigs in Chicago. In Chicago, if someone found a mistake in your work, they’d say “You did this wrong, fix it” and give it back to you. Here, you’d ruin a relationship if you were that direct – instead, you talk about mistakes in the third person and the person who made the mistake will apologize profusely for it. It’s definitely been a big culture shift for me, and putting me in the heretofore unusual position of being among the more assertive people at the company.

  15. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

    My firm has offices in various parts of the country, and we tend to interact by phone on a daily basis. I call up a certain department and I could be talking to someone in Arizona, California, Massachusetts, Chicago, Florida… who knows? It’s very interesting to note because even if the person doesn’t have a regional accent, a lot of times I can pin their location just by how they answer the phone.

    Talking to people from Massachusetts makes me so homesick.

      1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        There’s the tone of course, and there’s also a general sense of… hm. What their expectations are upon greeting. (I’m heavy on empathy, so it can be tough to describe what I’m picking up on with phone conversations. I just hear it.) MA folks are, of course, very businesslike, stereotypical Yankee for the most part — they aren’t impolite, but they definitely sound like they’re being scored on call handle time so they want to get you your answer and be done. Florida and Arizona are the most similar, they both sound like they’ve got all the time in the world (and I have a suspicion that those are the teams that have the largest regional transplants in the office). Also, how they handle putting me on hold to check on something. Some folks will ask if it’s ok to put me on hold, and wait for an answer — others will tell me they need to put me on hold, even politely.

        1. Kaden Lee*

          oh man it’s such a relief to hear somebody describe the same thing I experience on the phone. Not sure why, but I’m very curt and brief on the phone (“you need me to do X? sure, I’ll send that right over!” and hang up, for example) despite being from Florida and now working in Arizona. It’s such a paaaaaaaaaaaaaain. The endless chit chat. How was your weekend, Person I Have Never Met? Mondays, you know how they go! and so on. just uuuuuugh. let me do the thing you need from me and get on with my day.

          1. Snargulfuss*

            Oh my, I HATE when I call up the credit card company and they ask me about my day. I realize you’re trying to be nice, but you don’t need to know about my day. I just wanted to get an issue resolved and then go back to what I’m doing. (I try to be friendly and polite but I don’t like extra chit-chat.)

            I’m from Southern California so you would think I would be really chill, but I’m not. This is probably a big part of the reason I felt so at home in DC.

            1. Theresa Davis*

              Not sure if this makes it better or worse but, they are probably impatiently waiting for their slow computer to load and they’re just trying to fill dead-air.

              If I find myself asking “how’s the weather there?” more than once or twice a day I start asking my manager for a laptop upgrade and complaining mine’s too slow. LOL

          2. CMart*

            Ha! I encounter that via IM with my counterparts in Mexico. In my Chicago office if you’re IMing someone out of the blue there might be a quick “Hey!/Hi!/How are you/good you/ good thanks” before diving into your question or issue, but more often it’s just “Hey! Question: has someone submitted the llama invoice yet?”

            But my Mexican colleagues? I need to warm them up with 5-10 minutes of small chat before getting down to business. It’s kind of nice to get to know them since they’re so far away, but also frustrating because my questions usually take 30 seconds to answer.

        2. SI*

          Lol – I once dealt with a Hawaiian bank on a regular basis while I was working for a bank in Seattle. To say they were on “island time” would be a gross understatement… they’d routinely be late by 2-3 days (for huge commercial lending transactions!! that were accruing daily interest!!)

          After a while, we just took it in stride and built in a few extra days for their deadlines. I wish we could have had that sort of work culture – so envious.

    2. rldk*

      I’m a MA transport to DC and I feel you so hard – whenever I hear a “wicked” or “bubbler” I want to run over and pronounce weird town names with them

      1. KR*

        SAME!! I’m a New England native in Southern CA and whenever I hear a Massachusetts accent I get so incredibly home sick. My friend is also from Mass and sometimes I just love listening to her talk because it feels like home.

      2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        YES

        I tried to stamp the New England out of my vocabulary as a kid, because I got weird looks whenever I traveled, but every time I hear ‘bubbler’ I just have this upwelling of internal joy.

        And anytime I need to ask where to get a nice free drink of water, I have to stop and think “okay, wait, what do you call it?”

        1. rldk*

          DC has enough of a MA population that I don’t get weird looks for my New England slang, until it starts mixing with the slang I’ve picked up from the New Jersey/Pennsylvania/Virginia/Maryland blend.
          I got some side-eye at “Ugh, it’s wicked hot today, y’all”

          1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

            I’m just far enough north (Baltimore County) to have missed that — here, I definitely get the side-eye if I let a ‘wicked’ slip out.

    2. Kramerica Industries*

      To add onto the stereotype, I was super surprised that talking politics at work was super casual and accepted, but hockey is freaking polarizing.

      1. curly sue*

        One office I worked in, one of the operations managers was forever having his photocopier password hacked and changed to “leafssuck.” (He was the only Toronto fan in Habs territory.)

      2. KT*

        My last job, the Monday after the Leafs made the playoffs? I was in early (Exec Asst, weird hours) and everyone who came in after me would announce to the office at large: “DID YOU F*CKING SEE THAT GAME?!” And the office at large would respond back: “F*CK YEAH! GO LEAFS!” It was like watching the weirdest Mass ever.

      3. Penny*

        Haha. If your team is in the playoffs (or if Canada is playing Olympic hockey) it’s not unusual to take a work break to watch the game!

        1. KT*

          We had every Blue Jays World Series game on in the breakroom. And everyone in the office seemed to require coffee at exactly 1.07pm. Funny how that went, lol.

          1. Roz*

            This happened in our kitchen area. everyone set up their laptops and “worked”. It was amazing! All in our Jays gear yelling at the TV.

        2. Kvothe*

          The past Olympics my office set up a viewing room for the gold medal game for hockey and as long as you didn’t have deadlines everybody was allowed to come down and watch and GET PAID FOR IT

          1. Ladybugger*

            During the cup run in 2006, my retail store “closed for inventory” because the boss thought we should obviously all be watching Game 7.

        3. yasmara*

          Oh – this reminds me of working in the UK. I worked for British Telecom & they had a pretty robust employee firewall, restricting access to things like SkySports. Except…the lore went that some EVP freaked out during some football (soccer) playoff & then miraculously all the employees could get their footy scores (this was a long time ago, no streaming yet).

      4. a-no*

        Yes! I am from Edmonton but I currently live in Calgary and hockey is really a thing. I learned in my first office to NEVER mention I am an Oilers fan in the Flames territory as people take it so personally like I kicked their baby or something.

        1. Mielle*

          Ha! I’m in Edmonton and we have one person in our office who is a Flames fan. After they lost last week, somebody photoshopped them with an Oilers jersey!

    3. KT*

      Yesssss. New hire? Timbits. Someone’s leaving? Timbits. Someone’s birthday? Timbits. Someone’s work anniversary? Timbits. Casual Friday? Timbits. Boss is feeling generous? Timbits.

      Those tiny little crackballs are why I put on 25lbs since moving here.

    4. Amber Rose*

      Also it’s not uncommon for me to be sent out in the middle of the workday to go on a Timmy’s coffee and donuts run for everyone.

      3. zora*

        Alternatively, here in downtown San Francisco it is almost impossible to find a donut within 2 miles of my office. I’ve wanted to bring in donuts sometimes just to be super unhealthy, but it’s always too much of a hassle.

    7. Symplicite*

      My sister in the UK asked me to bring over Timbits when I was sent to London for work. I walked Heathrow with the 20 pack box, and was stopped endlessly by people going, “That is such a smart idea!”. I wanted to kill my sister after a while!

      1. Adereterial*

        They’re starting to open in the UK now – Cardiff & Manchester so far. They’re popular, I think they’ll expand.

          1. Curly*

            Say what? I live in Manchester and 4 Tim’s just opened in since Christmas, but there weren’t any before that. There were some kiosks in Spars (like a 7-11), but they really weren’t the same thing. These are full shops. Though the donut and muffin selection is still quite limited.

    8. saby*

      It’s sad how many stereotypes are true. Yes Timbits, yes hockey talk (although less in Toronto than in other cities I’ve lived — in Montreal and Ottawa it was common in business or business-casual dress code places for people to wear hockey jerseys to the office during the playoffs), and also between October and April every conference call with people in other cities starts with everyone talking about what the weather is like where they are. (Good opportunity for us to hate/be jealous of Vancouverites.)

    9. Ladybugger*

      I will add to the Canada thread:
      – no such thing as a “snow day”, although you may be sent home early if a blizzard is in full force by 1 pm
      – always free coffee, literally never worked anywhere without free coffee
      – standard vacation time is 3 weeks per year
      – work treats/baking are very common, often weekly or more
      – no “right to work” or “at-will” employment exists so generally I feel like there are fewer examples of extremely egregious workplace behaviour (excepting small “like a family” businesses which I believe are nightmares on an international level)

      1. Zahra*

        Quebecker here:
        – Since schools have snow days, people will work from home or some companies will be reasonable enough to close the office.
        – Minimum vacation time is 2 weeks, to be used the year after you earn them. However, in STEM companies, you usually get 3 right off the bat, to be used the same year as you earn them.

        I agree to everything else. Including the Timbits and Timmy runs.

  17. Greengirl*

    My dad used to work for a company that did business around the world. He said that when he had teleconferences with Germans it always had to start on time and there was never any chit-chat. When he had teleconferences with his South American colleagues, he said the first half-hour was always devoted to asking about people’s families and it would have been a big deal to not have that chit-chat.

    1. Natalie*

      Oh man, Team Germany for me. The 15 minute period of waiting for people to join and the host awkwardly trying to entertain everyone is always my least favorite part of a conference call. Thank god for mute so I can just keep working until they get to the point!

      1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

        Ahh me too. Right now Germany and Scandinavia are sounding like my ideal places to work!

        1. Blue Bird Yellow*

          I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble, but the sexism in Germany is not to be underestimated. That’s a huge down-side. I’m getting jealous of the Scandinavian work culture though! If only it wasn’t so cold up there.

          1. voluptuousfire*

            The summers are glorious though. I was in Finland in July and when the weather was gorgeous, it was gorgeous.

            1. NoMoreFirstTimeCommenter*

              You were lucky then… last summer in Finland was COLD!!!! Finnish summer weather varies a lot, it can be anything from under 15C to over 30C. Work culture and employment laws are relatively similar to Scandinavian countries. Most offices don’t expect working ridiculously long hours, we have quite generous vacation laws, and we definitely value punctuality. I think we have less sexism than Germany but of course we’re not perfect in that regard either. And xenophobia happens a lot – for very long time there were extremely few foreign people in Finland so this whole diversity and multiculturality thing is pretty new to us.

            2. The Other Katie*

              Finland in July is amazing. Finland in February, not so much. Unless you’re a polar bear.

              1. Just Employed Here*

                Finland in February is still a lot better than Finland in November.

                Incidentally, I don’t think there is a single polar bear in a Finnish zoo these days. And there have never been any outside of zoos. Well, since the last ice age, at least.

              2. NoMoreFirstTimeCommenter*

                Maybe I am a polar bear then… but in my opinion February is just amazingly beautiful. So much snow and the light is starting to come back. It’s cold, yes, but mostly not awfully cold and you just need to wear enough clothes. November and, in the southern parts of the country, also December are the bad months. It’s dark when you go to work, dark when you go home, and there are all possible combinations of wet, slippery, rain, snow, stuff between rain and snow, and traffic caos. After that, the “proper winter” is so much better!

            1. Lora*

              Yes. Have seen this in Frankfurt, can confirm. Many people in biergartens wished to discuss Greece at the time (a few years ago, when Germany’s economy propping up that of other EU members was in the news) and whooooooaaaa did they have a lot of opinions about other countries being lazy fkers who sit on the beach all day drinking ouzo or whatever. Also saw a whole mall of white people who were rocking metal band tee shirts seriously freaking out about the two Muslim ladies shopping – not just pointing and making rude comments, but cashiers refusing to accept their debit cards and insisting on cash for purchases even though they took my American debit card just fine.

              You see that in the US in rural areas, but people usually have an idea from TV or whatever that it’s not very nice. I was surprised because Frankfurt is supposed to be a big city.

          3. mooocow*

            Native German here – I’d think that sexism levels in Germany are pretty low compared to most other countries! When I read (here or from friends) about the kind of things that are apparently par for the course in American offices, I’m extremely happy to be living and working in Germany. People judge me by my skills, I get to be as assertive as I want and wear whatever I want and no-one has ever commented my handshake. I’ve encountered some pretty bad sexism (especially back in College), but I can tell my male colleagues about that stuff and they will be horrified and we will have a joint ‘OMG, sexism needs to die!’ moment.

            1. Tau*

              Yeah, also a native German and I was a little puzzled by this remark. I’ve recently returned after thirteen years in the UK, and spent part of my childhood in the US as well, and I haven’t felt Germany is particularly more sexist than either of those places. In some ways, I’ve felt the opposite (beauty standards, forex).

            2. TL -*

              Keep in mind that sexism and racism ate expressed very differently in Europe versus USA – Germany’s rates of working mothers is really, really low, for example, and a lot of that is due to social structures and pressure.

              1. mooocow*

                I agree that sexism plays a role in this, and there’s definitely a big issue with this bizarre German mother ideal. One consequence of this ideal is a dramatic lack of adequate daycare which really is a problem (though there has been progress).

                But there are also other reasons why Germany has such a low rate of working mothers, a big one being that incomes are fairly high and the welfare system is pretty good, so there’s less economic pressure for mothers to work, compared to the US. There is also extensive paid parental leave (up to 14 months) which has no equivalent at all in the US.

                I know many mothers who stay with their kids because they value the possibility to stay with their kids and watch them grow up and, crucially, because they can afford it as their families easily get along on one salary. (I also know many couples who split their parental leave with each parent taking 7 months, but that is in no way the norm)

                Also, there are interesting differences between east and west Germany. In the east (where I live) daycare is better due to long-lasting after-effects of the GDR, and it’s normal for mothers to work.

        2. Violet Fox*

          Scandinavia is actually a set of distinct counties with distinct cultures including different work cultures.

            1. Violet Fox*

              Speaking as a Norwegian. Please. Stop. Lumping. Us. Together. There are similarities but there are also cultural differences, language differences, work place difference. We. Are. Not. The. Same. Thing.

    2. Misquoted*

      I’ve found this as well, with colleagues in Switzerland, India, Germany, US (where I live) — varying levels of chit-chat before meetings. Then again, I worked for Orbitz in Chicago for a short time, and there was NO chit-chat. Meetings started and ended on time, which is a bit unusual for Americans, in my experience. But I prefer it, frankly.

    3. the gold digger*

      My husband and I went on a plant tour (of the BMW factory) in Munich. I knew I was in love when the tour guide walked into the room at noon, looked at her watch, said, “It is 12 o’clock. Not everyone is here, but the tour starts at 12, so now we start.”

      At last! People who don’t punish the punctual!

    4. Liza*

      How about the end of the meeting–are they expected to end on time? At my current company (in New England) it seems to be common for meetings to run well past their stated end times. Drives me up the wall.

  18. I'm A Little TeaPot*

    I’m working in a global company now, and have people on my team in the UK, etc. Right now, I’m having a blast learning about different words they use. Calendar = diary, daycare = creche, etc.

    I also am having a really hard time with accents. Phone distortion doesn’t help. And I find it very amusing that everyone says the British speak very precisely. Um, no. Otherwise I wouldn’t be struggling with them mumbling!

    1. Discordia Angel Jones*

      Hmmm… I’m British. We do tend to use both calendar and diary, at least everywhere I’ve worked!

      Calendar tends to mean the Outlook calendar etc, or something like the Outlook calendar but in paper form. Diary we tend to use more generically, like “I’ll diarise that for later” or “I’ll put that in my diary” meaning generic daily/monthly/paper/electronic to do list or appointment book type thing.

      Can confirm that mumbling is a thing, though.

      1. SJPxo*

        Yea I agree with this. Calendar for me is definitely for like outlook and scheduling meetings while I use diary as more of an informal way of saying i’ll remind myself

      2. NoName*

        As an American, to me “diary” means “journal of personal experiences and emotions, kept only for me to read and no one else” rather than “daily to-do list” or anything that could be work related.

      3. I'm A Little TeaPot*

        Well, I have at least 2 coworkers who refer to their “diary” when I would say calendar or schedule.

      4. Me2*

        Oh dear God, my husband is British and the number of times he has been told (by me and many others) that he mumbles. And yet he seems to believe that he does not.

    2. The Senior Wrangler*

      If you’re on the BBC, you speak very precisely. Everyone else is so lazy and we have loads of different regional accents, and you can often tell which part of your county someone is from by the slight difference in accent.

    3. SJPxo*

      Depends on the part of the UK maybe. I am from Cambridge and have a rather ‘posh’ accent and sometimes Americans just do not get it. It’s like I have to try and dial it down somehow to get them to understand me

      1. Discordia Angel Jones*

        TBH I find with my (quite posh, but maybe more Received Pronunciation than anything else) accent, people from other countries understand me more?

        It’s the Geordies that are hard to understand! LOL

        1. DuchessofMuchness*

          Oh my God, when I worked in closed captioning, we once got the job of transcribing something like eight seasons of “Geordie Shore”. With no transcript. It was a nightmare, but by season eight, I’d started actually being able to understand 60% of what they said.

          1. yasmara*

            Or the Scots. Have you seen the comedy video of two Scotsmen trying to get a voice-activated elevator to work? CRY LAUGHING!

        2. HR Expat*

          The Liverpudlians are the hardest for me to understand! Accents vary so much (I live in greater Manchester), but I find that my American friends struggle to hear the difference between any of the regions. I’ve been living here for 2 years, and so far I can say that I’ve gotten good at picking up north vs. south, but not much more than that. Well, except Scottish. And Cardiff.

        3. Another Academic Librarian*

          When I lived in England as a student, international students would sometimes tell me that I was easier to understand than other English people (this was in the south). And I would have to gently explain to them that I am American!

        5. Willow R*

          I have a Northern accent (NOT full-on Geordie) and people from the US or Canada tend to think I’m Scottish.

      2. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

        I’m one of those irritating Americans who struggle with comprehending the British accent. ;) My husband’s great grandmother was British, and I had the hardest time understanding her. This translates over into TV for me. I watched Peaky Blinders and struggled the whole time with understanding what was being said.

      3. Big City Woman*

        I’m an American in NYC and like to borrow DVDs from the library (I don’t have cable or streaming) and lately have been getting into British movies and tv series, but I admit that I often have to turn on the subtitles to really understand any of it. I try to go as long as I can without it, or only turn it on when a particular phrase or word puzzles me, but oftentimes it’s absolutely necessary if I want to follow the story in any way at all! And then I am also surprised by what words actually were said, versus what I heard!

    4. Hobgoblin*

      Oh wow, the creche thing would confuse the heck out of me. I’m Catholic and a creche is a Nativity scene (mostly we say Nativity for the little indoor displays and creche for the large outdoor displays but they’re pretty interchangeable). I’ve never heard it used for a daycare.

      1. Rhoda*

        Creche and daycare are different.
        I wouldn’t use creche for all day childcare. It might be used for during church or meetings. So it’s short childcare for the under fives. The sort of thing you would see on church notices; “There will be a creche provided.” So slightly old fashioned these days.

        1. Amey*

          I’m in the UK with kids in daycare and we’d usually refer to it as ‘nursery’. A crèche is usually temporary care for a short period (like their might be a crèche at the gym where your child can be looked after while you work out.)

    5. Tuesday Next*

      South Africa is very multicultural and many people have English as a second language, so we use a mix of words (e.g. people will say crèche / daycare, or SMS / text message, sometimes interchangeably).

      Some ZA peculiarities:
      Most people say cellphone but people who work in tech may say “mobile phone”
      We say company, never “firm” (firm is a consistency)
      Elevators are called “lifts”
      We have “CVs” not resumes

      Not specific to the work environment:
      We call traffic lights “robots”
      You fill your car’s fuel tank with petrol or diesel
      Gas is the stuff that your stove uses (if you have a fancy stove)
      A stove, btw, is a hob. With or without the oven bit

      We also mix other languages in, for example “ja” (yaah) is yes (from Afrikaans). “Eish” (aysh) from Zulu… is hard to translate – it’s like a verbal cringe, or eye roll. Or it could signify amazement or disapproval.

        1. Tuesday Next*

          Probably yes, as we’re a commonwealth country – although we use *some* US vocab/pronounciations as well – people tend to say “dayta” and not “data” for example.

          1. Bonzer*

            That is the British pronunciation. As far as I know only Australians say “dahta” instead of “dayta” (maybe NZ too?)

    6. Laura*

      Yup. I grew up in the US but my parents are Scottish, so I’ve spent a lot of time in both Britain and the US and my high school English teacher once tried to tell me that all British (English) people spoke very articulately and I was like??? no??? they don’t?? But she genuinely had no idea that not everyone in Britain (or England, which is what she meant by “Britain”) speaks with a received pronunciation accent, which is basically only spoken by educated people in Southeast England.

      1. only acting normal*

        The RP accent is more of a signifier of class than geography – basically spoken by “upper class” people from all over (mainly England, some Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland), or those who went to the poshest of posh private schools. It can also be learned. A lot of UK actors use it whether it’s their real accent or not. Once upon a time it was a prerequisite for getting theatre work (class prejudice was and still is a thing in the UK).
        E.g. Patrick Stewart’s accent is not his native Yorkshire accent. I can’t find it on Google, but he did an interview once where he said “To boldly go where no-one has gone before” in ‘Yorkshire-ese’ – approximately “T’ bawldly gaw whur’ nae buggers gawn bifoor” :D

  19. IrishCailin*

    Irish/British citizen, grew up in Ireland and working in NYC. General observations I’ve noticed
    – It’s a lot more common at home to go for a drink at lunch or several after work, a glass of wine with lunch seemed shocking in a previous job.
    – The work day runs later at home, 8am would be an early start but in my last US office it was seen as standard to do a 7-3 day.
    – We tend to be fairly late in Ireland, the first time I had a coworker apologise for lateness due to arriving at 11.03 for an 11 meeting I was quite confused.
    – Swearing is a lot more common at home, even at work. Humour in general is a lot more insult based in Ireland.
    – A standard 9-5 day will generally involve lunch and two tea breaks in an Irish office.
    – St Patrick’s Day is a LOT more muted at home than it is in the USA.

    1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

      I read that second-to-last line as “two lunches and two tea breaks” and I thought, sign me up! I’d love to eat that often…even if it is just one lunch and two tea breaks!

    2. Turtlewings*

      I’ve definitely heard that in Ireland, St. Patrick’s Day is a “go to church and have family dinner at Grandma’s” holiday rather than “drink green beer and partaaaay” like it is here in the U.S. That must be pretty strange for you, since it’s supposed to be “your” holiday, not ours!

      1. Liane*

        Remember that letter about the Irish employee who quit on the spot because she was being bullied and pinched on the holiday after telling her colleagues she didn’t want to be involved at all?

      2. Hannah*

        To be honest I don’t think many even go to mass anymore. There has been a huge move away from the church. It is quite community based with every small town having a parade but its mostly local schools, dance teams and sport clubs. From what I see on the news I think the American city parades are much more spectacular than ours :) The only thing some Irish get annoyed at really is that over here we never ever refer to it as ‘St Patty’s’ day – its St Patricks day or Paddy’s Day, and we don’t really know where Patty comes into it

        1. Frank Doyle*

          Because it seems to make logical sense to shorten “Patrick” to “Patty” because there’s a T in there. I understand that that’s NOT how you shorten “Patrick,” but it’s pretty easy to understand the confusion, no?

        2. Bridget*

          Patty and paddy are pronounced basically the same in American English, so it’s basically a spelling mistake. People don’t realize that while Pat is a nickname for Patrick, Patty is not.

          1. Merula*

            Agree, spelling mistake. Also like how every spring I see signs for Marty Gras in the northern US.

          2. bonkerballs*

            Well…Patty might not be a nickname for Patrick in Ireland, but it certainly can be in the US.

          3. Elizabeth H.*

            (American) Guys with the name Patrick will sometimes go by the nickname Pat or much less frequently (sometimes just used affectionately) Patty, but spelled like that. I have never, ever met an American guy whose full name was Patrick but was sometimes nicknamed “Paddy” with that spelling.

        3. IrishCailin*

          Having experienced a few North American St Patrick’s Day I generally shrug off most of the things we don’t do – e.g. everyone dress up in green – but absolutely loathe the use of patty’s day

      3. grievous grim*

        St. Patrick’s Day evolved in the US as an immigrant pride thing. Catholics were often maligned by the dominant Protestant culture, so the holiday became an opportunity for Irish Catholics (and their descendants) to claim the streets and celebrate as a group. And they were not generally known as temperance advocates. Hence how it all got going.

      4. Irishgal*

        Lol. No, Paddy’s Day definitely not a go to church and visit granny day. Usually it’s down to the nearest town to see the parade (local youth groups, local fire engine, maybe a marching band and usually a lot of vintage tractors). If you are young adult it tends to be a day in the pub. Then you graduate away down that to just enjoying the day off work!

    3. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

      – Swearing is a lot more common at home, even at work. Humour in general is a lot more insult based in Ireland.

      My husband wants to move to Ireland so badly. He hates when I swear but I love to and look for opportunities to do more if it. This news just got me on board with the idea of moving. :)

    4. Hrovitnir*

      “A standard 9-5 day will generally involve lunch and two tea breaks in an Irish office.”

      Yes – I was asking a coworker from the US what you’d call “afternoon tea” and he was like “yeah, you only take a lunch break in the US. You might take smoke breaks if you smoke.” (Of course, “morning/afternoon tea” is used outside of work/school, but it’s probably the most common usage.) I mean, I’m not surprised I guess, but I hadn’t realised. (We also have two paid tea breaks and an unpaid lunch break in an 8 hour shift in NZ.)

    5. Typhon Worker Bee*

      “– Swearing is a lot more common at home, even at work. Humour in general is a lot more insult based in Ireland.”

      I found the same thing when I moved from Glasgow to Canada. I was considered relatively quiet and polite in my old lab (I’d moved to Glasgow from England, so I didn’t swear quite as much as the natives), but my new colleagues found my swearing quite startling when I first showed up! I had to consciously tone myself down before they got too appalled.

      Luckily, in all my Canadian jobs so far I’ve almost always had at least one British, Irish, Australian, or New Zealand friend at work for mutual insulting purposes. (Not sure why this aspect of Commonwealth culture never took hold in Canada to the same extent – I speculate that is somehow rugby-related. Luckily my husband’s from a British family and Gets It). At my last job, our Canadian colleagues were quite shocked at some of the things my Scottish work friend and I would say to each other. We had to explain “this means we really really like each other. If we hated each other, we’d be speaking to each other extreeeeemely politely right now”.

      I really really miss those big friendly shared tea breaks though. My first Canadian job, I asked when people usually took their collective break and they looked at me like I had two heads. I hadn’t even used an f-bomb that time. Sigh.

    6. socrescentfresh*

      Oh, those tea breaks were the highlight of my day when I worked in Dublin a decade ago. I was a temp and only had one direct coworker, but she introduced me to her tea break buddies and they made me feel right at home. I would have been so lonely at work if not for morning and afternoon tea.

  20. SNS*

    While studying abroad in London, I did an internship at a non-profit and my fellow interns were a British student and a Russian student so we were constantly comparing cultural norms and teasing each other about our pronunciation.

    Biggest difference had to be the amount of tea consumed though, and the amount of time spent drinking tea.

    1. curly sue*

      My better half is British, and on lazy home weekends the kettle could get put on the stove four, five times a day, easily. Six if we’ve done a lot of snow shovelling.

      1. Anon Anon*

        I grew up in the UK and moved to the US in college.

        Even 20 years later, I’m drink at least two cups a day, and days I’m at home? Easily 4-6.

      2. Trig*

        A Brit I know explained it thus:

        Anytime you change states, you have a cuppa. Moved from one room to another? Cuppa. Finished eating a meal? Cuppa. Finished a meeting? Cuppa. Switched to a new task? Cuppa.

        As a transition motivator, I quite like it! But that much caffeine wouldn’t agree with me.

    3. Turtlewings*

      I’ve always thought that being British and not being able to drink tea for whatever reason (I can’t for religious reasons, for instance) would have to be almost unlivable! Would everyone in the country treat you like a pariah?

      1. SJPxo*

        English here; I don’t drink tea… and when you get asked if you’d like one and say you no thank you and that you don’t drink tea you always get the slightly insulted and the ‘how can you not’ look!

      2. Marie*

        What religion means you can’t drink tea? I don’t think any religion that bans tea would take off in the UK. I don’t think anyone would be offended I know British people who don’t drink tea because they dislike it its never an issue.

        I’m a student and the office I work in the summer has official 9am-5pm hours but the first 15 minutes usually involve the admin staff making tea for the whole building (it is a staff of 9 including me and three of the staff have roles that involve a lot of out of office meetings so are rarely there so its not too bad). There is often another round of tea at 11am and 3pm. Though this is a very relaxed office in a rural area I don’t know how common it is in big companies. As an intern making tea is my job when I am there and I reckon I spend about an hour of my workday making (or drinking) tea.

        1. Turtlewings*

          Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, aka LDS, aka Mormons. It’s my understanding that we actually have quite a presence in the UK; we have a temple there (which is a much bigger deal than a church building). We can’t drink tea, coffee, or alcohol. We can have herbal teas, though, (i.e. not made from the tea plant), and hot chocolate — thank goodness, ’cause I go through a lot of that stuff!

          1. Marie*

            According to google there are 190,000 Mormons in the UK. And there are two temples in the UK one in London and one in Preston and the one in Preston is the largest in Europe as well as 6 missions.

            I thought Mormonism was just an American religion so I learned something new.

            1. Snargulfuss*

              Oh no, there are now more members of the church outside the US than inside, and there are temples and church buildings all over the world.

          2. Marillenbaum*

            My family are LDS, and my sister’s husband is English (and also LDS). They always went in for either herbal tea (especially peppermint) or hot cocoa. So. Much. Cocoa. But then, his mum worked at a Hotel Chocolat at the time, so they had tons of it in the house.

          1. Danger: Gumption Ahead*

            Oh my, definitely no. Tea and coffee are staples in Muslim majority cultures and the coffee/tea house is often the equivalent of the neighborhood bar (for men at least).

            1. Pollygrammer*

              Coffee is very important! In traditional Bedouin culture, the coffee ritual is on the same level as the Japanese tea ceremony.

          2. Natalie*

            That has not been my experience with Muslims! The older Somalian men in my community basically live at Starbucks. :)

      3. Edina Monsoon*

        Honestly, yeah you’d be seen as pretty weird, I’m 33 and I think I’ve only ever met two people who don’t drink tea. I personally started drinking it when I was about 9!

      4. IrishCailin*

        I’m Irish and can confirm that one can take quite a bit of flack for not drinking tea. My grandmother just seems to refuse to accept this and still offers me a cup nearly every time the kettle is on – I’m in my late twenties and have never drank tea.

        1. Misquoted*

          I’m German-American and almost 50. I’ve rarely drunk tea — I’ve tasted several types and just don’t like it. I also don’t drink beer. I’m a Bad German.

      5. Betty*

        Brit here who used to not like tea. Any time anyone refuses a generally-offered cup of tea, one is asked if one is sure. Once or twice, no probs. Soon it becomes a pattern (the ‘tea round’ being done several times a day) and people will eventually ask “Do you…not drink tea?” a bit like they’d enquire after some potentially disfiguring medical condition.

        It’s perfectly acceptable to opt for another hot beverage instead, however, so I got into blackcurrant herbal tea (but OMG NO MILK NO SUGAR PLEASE) so I could join in and that smoothed social relations a lot. (Though I did refuse to give to the tea kitty on the basis that I was only consuming my own tea I brought in from home. People took that in their stride as it was so obviously true.) Mainly, I think, because I could then take a turn at offering to make everyone else a cuppa. So it’s really not that much about tea specifically as it is about the communal ritual of trading small social favours and all doing something together (even though you’re drinking it separately at your desk most of the time).

        When I’m in a one-on-one situation, I now accept a cup of weak tea and use it as a prop. I might drink a few sips. Then when it’s time to go, I’ll exclaim “Oh, look at that! I’ve let my tea get cold!” as if I were planning to drink it all along but just got SO caught up in our conversation I forgot all about it. You have to be subtle, though, or people will notice and make you another one! It’s about letting someone else do a small, low-stakes nice thing for you. I would always recommend finding a way to get in on tea-drinking, even if it doesn’t involve the actual consumption of tea.

      6. only acting normal*

        I’m Welsh, I think my mother got over me not having children faster than she got over me not drinking tea (actually she still hasn’t got over me not drinking tea).

    4. Obelia*

      Several of my workplaces here in the UK have installed wall mounted boilers for instant boiling water simply because such a significant amount of working time was being lost by staff waiting by the kettle.

      1. Ruth (UK)*

        Obelia, I’m also in one of those offices! I work in a university and today my colleague and my boss had a long and serious discussion about what biscuits to provide with tea at faculty meetings

      2. NeverNicky*

        Now our office has gone from 6 staff to 15 plus volunteers we’ve had to get one of these – called Ernie the Tea Urn!

    5. Blue Anne*

      I lived in Scotland for 9 years. Forget the immigration paperwork – I feel that I was truly British the first time I completely forgot about a cup of tea.

    6. oranges & lemons*

      I love that tea is still such a big thing in the UK. I live in Canada but I grew up with English grandparents and absorbed the tea obsession. Whenever I visit relatives in the UK it is wonderful to have my tea-drinking habits reflected in the wider population.

  21. Sunflower*

    We have a bi-monthly meeting with all the other non-management folks in my dept and about half are in London while the other half are in the US. We did a presentation on concentration at work and someone in the US suggested wearing headphones while working. The reaction we got from London was very bizarre. Apparently in our London office, having headphones in is seen as very rude and stand offish. We suggested having one bud in, one out and even they seemed very hesitant about that.

    1. B.*

      I think that’s specific to the company – I work in higher education in London and loads of people use headphones. It’s only really unacceptable if you’re in a front-facing role (obviously).

    2. gl*

      Concentration at work… with headphones? I think that depends on the person and the job they are doing. I’m a Brit living and working in the U.S., when I was an analyst headphones were acceptable during big data projects. I only wore them though because of the office gossips and loud mouths.

      Now I’m older and more senior my headphones need to be off so I can hear my colleagues and juniors when they need help.

      Headphones are just a way to drown out annoyances and if people can’t concentrate there’s a bigger problem in the office.

  22. ShopLady*

    There is a great list that crops up on various websites from time to time about what Brits say versus what they actually mean. As an American who has only ever worked in a British office I am embarassed by the length of time it took me to figure out that ‘quite good’ was not very good at all!

    Also the tea thing is weird. If you get up to make tea for yourself you are obliged to ask everyone if they want tea (in my last office this was even the case if they were on the phone. You just made the T sign with your hands) and then must make 10 different types for the varying needs of your coworkers. I was crap at this because 1) I can’t stand tea and 2) am allergic to dairy so I had no idea how to make a proper cuppa (everything came out builders from me aka strong!).

    1. SNS*

      Yes! I hated the making tea for everyone thing, I was always afraid I was putting too much sugar in everyone’s because I like mine sweet.

    2. PB*

      I am embarassed by the length of time it took me to figure out that ‘quite good’ was not very good at all!

      I confess, I might never catch on to that one! How confusing!

      1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        I actually like the explanation behind it more than anything! In US English, ‘quite’ is an intensifier; in UK English, it’s a softener. So you can read the US ‘quite’ as ‘very,’ and the UK ‘quite’ as ‘sorta,’ to get a more accurate read.

      2. Nico m*

        Nope yous are still wrong. In British English all value judgements are transmitted by tone rather than vocabulary. “Quite Good” can mean “Brilliant”, “Terrible” or “Quite Good”

      3. a-no*

        The one I don’t think I will ever get is “Could do”. My friends from Manchester say it to mean ‘I’d rather not’, but my partner’s grandpa & father from London use it as ‘Lets do that’ and I just end up lost

        1. Story Nurse*

          That’s a tone thing, in my experience; the tone and emphasis and drawing-out of the vowel in “could” clarifies whether the person means “Oooh, I could really get behind doing that if it weren’t a bother to anyone else!” or “Well, I guess I could do that if the alternative were sawing my hand off”.

    3. AvonLady Barksdale*

      There’s a lot I can adapt to, but I don’t think I could adapt to making tea for 10 people. Does this count even if you work in an individual office? Do you walk around to everyone’s desks? It sounds like it would take so LONG. Which is, perhaps, the point.

      I have a very strong sense of efficiency, so I’d be all about individual electric kettles and tea setups at each person’s desk, but I’d probably get some weird looks.

      1. ShopLady*

        Hahah well the two offices I did this in were open plan with the kitchen as part of one office or upstairs from the other. It was a bit obvious when you disappeared from the second office and returned with a mug. I started to get strategic about it and was always away from my desk around 11am and 3pm…

      2. Snubble*

        I think you’re imagining a different mode of tea drinking than actually exists here. It would be so chaotic to have decentralised tea! In my departent of fourteen we have one kettle, and it lives in the kitchen with the tap (for filling the kettle) and sink (for rinsing the mugs) and fridge (for the milk) and cupboard (for the teabags and sugar) and cutlery drawer (for the spoons). We’re divided into smaller offices, so usually one person will be making tea for two or three at once. It’s efficient!
        Imagine having to take your individual kettle to the kitchen to fill it, and bring it back, and wet the teabag, and then take it back to the kitchen to put the milk in…
        Imagine the noise of fourteen kettles! Plus, it’s an old building. Multiple kettles switched on at once would definitely blow a fuse.

        You only make tea for people you are physically sharing a space with. In an open-plan office, you make tea for your nearest neighbours. It takes a few words – “Anyone else for tea?” “I will, thanks” “Lucy, tea?” “Not right now, thanks” –> take mugs without conversation –> make two cups of tea –> place tea on colleague’s desk –> “One for you.” “Thanks, Snubble.” –> sit down and resume work.
        It’s not really a socialising break. It’s not that everything stops so we can do the collective round of drinks. It’s a different kind of social glue – the bare minimum courtesy you owe to other humans who have to share this room with you for eight hours. And then in the afternoon, they return the courtesy.

        If you gave us all individual kettles, we would still make tea for each other. It’s not impractical for everyone to make their own drinks. It’s just rude.

        1. JB (not in Houston)*

          In my office (in the US), we have a lot of tea drinkers and one kettle in the break room. Nobody goes around asking if anyone else wants tea. You just make tea for yourself when you want it. And I’m really glad! I don’t want to have to carry a bunch of other people’s tea over to them, even if they return the favor later. I don’t mind adding extra water to the kettle for someone else if they want tea at the same time I do, but I don’t want to mess with putting their tea in their mug and then carrying it over to them.

          It’s great that it’s not a burden for y’all and you have this nice ritual that everyone accepts and doesn’t mind. But I don’t think people saying they wouldn’t want to do this are misunderstanding how it works–we just don’t want to do it.

          1. DuchessofMuchness*

            Yeah, I have fancy loose leaf tea that I keep at work and I don’t want to hand the tin over to someone to make it. It’s expensive and I know exactly how much I like to use for a cup. Keep your paws off it.

            1. JB (not in Houston)*

              I like mine a certain way, too, so I definitely wouldn’t take somebody up on an offer to make mine! But if they want to add extra water to the kettle for me, I would be ok with that.

            2. Cristina in England*

              But if you were part of a tea group you could just hand over your cup with the loaded tea infuser in it already. If you wanted to. Logistical problems can be overcome but if you don’t want to, you don’t want to.

              1. Betty*

                Or “Tea? Yes please! Shall I come and help you?” Obviously only works if they’re making more than, say, three cups at a time, and you can’t do it every time or you’d never get anything done, but it means you can subtly commandeer your own mug and make your own tea while still getting in on the communal joining-in-and-doing-a-nice-thing-for-others aspect. (See my post upthread.)

                +1 that Americans seems to have a warped vision of what UK office tea-drinking is like. It is CONSTANT , so fourteen individual kettles would be a bloody nightmare, but you don’t actually stop doing anything to drink it unless you have a mandated tea break, but that’s only 15 minutes. Most of the time the cup is delivered to your desk and you carry on with whatever you were doing. It’s why communal tea-making is actually so efficient: each person makes tea, say, once a day (and most of that is waiting for the kettle to boil, so making tea for fourteen is only marginally longer than making tea for one), but they are still supplied with CONSTANT tea throughout the day. Also yes, you do have to learn everyone’s individual tea preferences but given that it’s happening multiple times a day every day, you pick it up quickly! People are pretty forgiving the first week or so, and will happily give you feedback!

                1. Y*

                  Also yes, you do have to learn everyone’s individual tea preferences

                  Not in any sensible office, you don’t: anywhere sensible there’s a sheet of paper stuck up somewhere in the kitchen with a list of how everyone likes their tea on it.

          2. Snubble*

            I’m specifically saying that giving everyone a kettle at their desk implies a misunderstanding. Mostly about the milk.

        2. International Woman of Mystery*

          Yes to this! I lived/worked in New Zealand and then Northern Ireland for most of my working life. I am now living in the US and find it slightly appalling that everyone just makes tea for themselves. I get weird looks when I say things like “I’m going to boil the kettle, does anyone else want any hot water” I’m not even offering to make them a drink! Just to boil enough water for them at the same time! It is much more individualistic here.

          1. As Close As Breakfast*

            I absolutely don’t mean this to sound harsh, but the actual thought that went through my mind when reading your question example was “If I wanted freaking hot water I would have gotten up and made it myself. What am I going to do? Just sit around wanting something, waiting for someone to offer it up to me? My arms aren’t freaking broken.” I mean, out loud I would just smile and say ‘no, thank you.’

        3. oranges & lemons*

          I wrote in this letter due to my obsession with the tea rituals! As a Canadian who loves tea, I find this fascinating. Is it considered rude if you don’t pull your own weight fetching tea for others?

          1. Demon Llama*

            It kinda depends on the office culture – I’ve worked in offices where yes, if you are always a tea-receiver and never a tea-fetcher, you’re going to get a reputation. But you’d have to get that giving and receiving balance pretty wrong. If you weren’t into tea – or if you are REALLY into tea and you like it a very specific way, then no-one should be annoyed if you never accept and never offer.

            But for context, if you work every day with the same like 5-6 people, in my experience you are kind of expected to learn how each of them likes their tea / if they have a favourite mug / if they actually prefer coffee etc. It’s just part of the team dynamic.

      3. misspiggy*

        Even if you had a kettle on your desk it would be rude not to offer to make a round of tea for everyone. And you have to get several variables right – milk or no milk, sugar or no sugar, how much sugar, how much milk, how strong should the brew be. I have worked in offices where tea preference spreadsheets and charts were involved.

      4. Ruth (UK)*

        AvonLady Barksdale, I work administratively in a university and share an office with one colleague. the office next to us is two more admin staff, and my boss is in an office down the corridor. There are also offices on the same corridor belonging to lecturers or research staff.

        If one of the admin staff (eg. Me) makes tea, we will also offer to make tea for the other admin staff (including my boss down the corridor) but will not knock on the lecturers’ doors and ask them.

        Among the lecturers and research staff, they only coordinate among each other if they do not have a private office, and then only among the people with whom they share.

        There is a tray kept in my office on which to carry the cups. The staff kitchen has a boiling water tap so we don’t need to wait for the kettle to boil.

        1. AvonLady Barksdale*

          Thank you for this description, because picturing it does help. Still don’t know if I could do it, though. :) I mean, I would if I were working in an office in the UK, because I try to adjust to norms. But I don’t trust anyone to make my tea the way I want it, especially since “the way I want it” tends to change a lot. Nor do I trust myself carrying a tray.

          1. Ruth (UK)*

            Unless you’re making your tea in a particularly obscure way, most people would be willing to take and follow your instructions on how you like you tea (even if it’s not the same every time) and then adjust how they make it next time based on feedback if it wasn’t right.

            There is an American lecturer in our department and when asked how he wants his yes he says ‘wet, preferably hot’ so people just make it however they like. He doesn’t seem to mind.

            1. Betty*

              It’s very normal to say things like “Could you leave the bag in a bit longer next time, please?” or “Half as much sugar as last time, please”. Not a comment on your value as a human being, just feedback on how they like their tea. It is recognised that individual tea preferences are all valid and all individual, so people are very happy to gradually learn your own individual likes and dislikes.

              1. Elle*

                Yup. I recently joined a new team, and I’m in the process of training them to make my tea the way I like it! I think we’re nearly there!

    4. NoName*

      Yes, the difference in what “quite” means! As an American high schooler in Singapore I got in trouble with this. In the US, “quite” is an emphasizer-modifier – “quite good” means “very good”. In Singapore, “quite” is a de-emphasizer-modifier– “quite good” means “not up to the standard of ‘good’ “. I referred to something in school as “quite good” and got taken to task for it, when I really did mean to compliment it!

    5. Star*

      My current company doesn’t have the “make tea for everyone” culture (though it has a strong “everyone goes to make tea at the same time” culture), but my last one did, and I kind of enjoyed it. It meant I got more tea!

      I was quite good at learning how everyone enjoyed their tea, though, so that didn’t bother me. I did eventually learn to decline when one of my coworkers took his turn though, because his tea-making was… not good.

      I will never, ever remember that “quite” is an intensifier in American English. They’re all even MORE enthusiastic than I thought!

    6. gingerbird*

      I never worked in the UK, but it took me a while to realize that when my British friends texted “U OK?” They were not voicing concern.

      1. B.*

        One thing I still haven’t got used to is that they say “you alright?” to mean “hey, how are you?”. I always think I must look like I’m really upset, and I still haven’t quite figured out the appropriate response. It’s been six years and I’m used to most things (I’ve fully embraced the tea culture!) but that one still throws me.

        1. The Senior Wrangler*

          Correct response is “good, you?” or “I’m fine thanks, and yourself?” or something along those lines. Or when passing an acquaintance in the street:
          Person 1: Alright?
          Person 2: Alright?
          *carry on walking*
          It’s definitely a “You alright? (I’m enquiring about your general state of being)” as opposed to “You alright? (because you don’t look it)”.

          2. ItsOnlyMe*

            Canadian here. I worked in Southern England for many years – it took me ages to get used to “Hi ya, alright?”

            I loved the tea rota in our office. I came in around 9 so I made tea for me and the others who sat nearby, come 11 am, a fresh cuppa magically appeared on my desk. Builders tea :O)

            There was a cake tradition. I am not sure if this was local to our office or not, but for birthdays or last days etc, the person whose birthday it was, or who was leaving, brought in a cake or baked goods to share. No lists, no brown collection envelopes around the office, if you wanted to acknowledge your birthday, you got the cake in.

            And we had a post holiday tradition. Anyone returning from vacation brought in a bag of sweets or biscuits from their destination to leave in the kitchen. I loved that too. Hmmm. looking back, probably a fine reason I gained a lot of weight back then. And I miss it.

            1. Bagpuss*

              We do the cake and sweets/biscuits after holidays in my office. (UK)

              We don’t have a make tea for everyone culture, (making tea for 18-20 people at a time is a bit impractical) but there are definitely tea-clusters, so smaller groups of people who share an office or work closely together will make tea or coffee for each other – so you might have someone making 4 or 5 drinks at a time.

              (reading the recent letter about the OP bringing coffee for their coworker boyfriend, my immediate thought was ‘how rude, not to offer coffee to any one else!’)

            2. Rachel Paterson*

              In Japan, it is very much expected to bring back small (usually edible) souvenirs for your entire office whenever you go on a trip out of the prefecture. I say usually edible because knick-knacks would build up quickly, so snacks are best. Every place you go to in Japan will have its own specific speciality to sell you for souvenirs – mochi, cookies, udon noodles, candies, variations on the local fruit, etc. I have sometimes kept quiet about going somewhere, because I know I won’t be able to afford snacks for everybody! The best one, imo, was a type of langue-du-chat cookies that Sapporo is famous for (name of Shiroi Koibito). They came in fancy metal boxes, that I kept and now use for baking/craft supply storage. The place I bought them mailed them to your home, since they are heavy and bulky, and most people fly into Hokkaido anyway (before the shinkansen opened). Very handy!

              1. Kitty*

                I get omiyage at least twice a week from my colleagues and students, mainly sweets and mochi. My personal favorite is Tokyo Banana. Love sembei, too! And of course, Shiroi Koibito (although actually anything from Hokkaido is good).

                One lady went to the US and brought back candied pecans for everyone. The crowd went wild!

              2. mobiuschic42*

                On not being able to afford omiyage for everyone: I used to bring omiyage everytime I went anywhere, and eventually my coworker told me I could just bring it for my department or for my group of desks in the office…people don’t expect you to bring it for 60 people except when you’re new, you’re leaving, or you went on some big long trip (a week+ abroad or something).
                I actually just got some omiyage from one of my coworkers that was only for the women (because it was cute).

        1. Star*

          “You ok?” is just “how are you/how are things/how’s it going?”

          It’s never occurred to me that this isn’t obvious before!

      5. Blue Anne*

        The one that I never got over was adding “at all” to the end of yes or no questions. It drove me mad.

        Example: Tesco checkout lady would ask “Do you have a clubcard at all?”

        I either have one or I don’t! What am I going to say, oh I have a bit of one? No but I did years ago? Yeesh.

    7. yasmara*

      Oh but you also have to remember how everyone takes their tea! I was always “light, 1 sugar” but I actually like 1.5 sugars and there was this one co-worker who always made me the perfect cup somehow. It was nice because we were a really tiny office – usually only 3-4 people onsite at one time.

    8. Choupet*

      When I temporarily worked in our UK office, they had a print out of how people liked their tea. “Builders”, “White with one (sugar)”, etc. That way if someone was on the phone and signaled they wanted a tea you didn’t have to interrupt them to find out how they take it.

      Temps and Visitors, like me, got to add a post-it note with our tea preference.

  23. Mim*

    When I worked in higher education in Egypt, many of the departments had staff members whose jobs were just to make people coffee. They spent most of their days sitting around chatting. One of them was running a small food business out of a storage closet. The administration was looking for areas to cut the budget and would have loved to end this practice, but there would have been a huge backlash if they had.

    1. Mim*

      There was also always always fresh juice at events and meetings with guests we were trying to impress. The strawberry juice was my surprise favorite, but guava and mango juice were also popular choices.

    2. the gold digger*

      Yes. My first morning in our Dubai office, I was delighted that there was a guy (in Chile, we would have called him the office junior, but this was a grown man, so “junior” seemed insulting to me) whose job appeared to be doing nothing more than fetching cappuccinos for everyone. I must have had four because they were free and because I was so jetlagged.

      1. Anon Today*

        We have that in our India (Chennai) office. I can (and do) get tea or cappuccinos delivered to me all day.

        The clear class boundaries between the tech workers and the service workers in the office make me super uncomfortable though. The boundary seems much stronger than I see in the US between tech workers and service workers.

    3. Tuesday Next*

      At my very first job we had 2 lovely “tea ladies” who also did general office cleaning. They came around twice a day with a trolley, which had a big urn of hot water, mugs, milk and all the rest. They knew exactly how each person liked their tea or coffee. If you wanted a hot drink at any other time, you went to the kitchen and made it yourself.

      This was in South Africa.

      1. Tuesday Next*

        Can someone explain the moderation rules? My post above seems pretty innocuous but it needs to be moderated!

        1. Ask a Manager* Post author

          Nothing there would have triggered any moderation rules, so it’s just the moderation filter having a temporary blip. It’s inscrutable. (Also, if it’s ever down briefly, it will send every comment during that time to moderation, out of an abundance of caution, I guess.)

  24. Polly*

    “Good Morning”, “Good Afternoon” MUST.BE.SAID.TO.EVERYONE. You will get seriously dressed down if you don’t say it. Even if you say it in a indifferent/rude tone, as long as you say it. It is infuriating coming from a place where if you don’t say “Hi How are you?” you’re considered rude. So even if you’re being nice, you still suck unless you say the “correct”nicety. Also: Bermuda shorts and socks with dress shoes, oxford shirt and tie is considered business attire. BUT don’t do that ish if you’re a woman. Because: Bermuda.

    1. Globetrotta*

      The best part about this is that there was a letter this week about telling an intern to not do this exact thing

  26. LittleRedRidingHuh?*

    I’m from Germany – born and raised – but lived in Ireland for about 13 years, before returning home last year. What impressed the most, was all my Irish coworkers dropping everything they did at 9.30 am to head to the cafeteria to have their full Irish breakfast and a natter (chat). It took me almost a year to let go of my German notion of breakfast at 8 am, lunch at 12, dinner at 6 pm. It just felt wrong to be sitting there 30 minutes after arriving at the office to pretty much socialize. But it was great once I “let it go”

  27. Chereche*

    From Trinidad and Tobago here. From the comments I’ve read on this site, especially relating to matters of personal space et cetera I’d say that the openness and easiness of touch and a lack of personal boundaries in comparison to else where may be surprising. Everyday occurrences with co-workers (and I’m not saying that this applies everywhere but it goes with our culture are) hugs, shoulder pats, head pats, back rubbing, cheek pinches, tickling (though by really close co-workers), affectionate names, ‘mildly-offensive’ (to some) affectionate names/statements.

    Also, as as multi-cultural country religion in the work place is readily accepted (very rarely to the detriment of anyone and even then allowances are made). Christmas time? Decorations up everywhere (including the religious kind but no decorations on your desk if you say you do not want it ). The week or two before Christmas to New Years? LOL. Don’t expect a lot of work to be done unless it is absolutely critical (speaking more of the public service here). People are either on leave, signing in and leaving or signing in and then going shopping and might pass back in later dependingly. To boot, Government workers get paid mid-December so, yeahhhhh…got things to buy, laterrrrrr. Divali time? You have the freedom to put on cultural where and food etc are shared widely. Eid, same thing.

    Carnival (not a religious thing). Hey, we all know that if you’re playing Mas, you’re probably not coming, showing up late or going to be some level of stale-drunk or exhausted after days of revelry if you bother to come at all. Friday/Monday is a public holiday? Look how as many people as possible are going to throw in a few personal days just to make it longer. Ditto for a holiday on a Thursday/Tuesday, trust me, there won’t be as much traffic on the road the day before. These are just accepted facts and in most officers it really isn’t a big deal once you’re on top of what you have to do and there’s *someone* there to cover the office in case anything does turn up.

    Probably could think of some more if I dwelt more on it…

      1. Kit*

        I just hired someone from the Bahamas and he is struggling to adapt to how strict Canadian work norms are. It’s a really big difference.

    2. Julianne*

      In Namibia, most government offices also effectively shut down two weeks before Christmas. I was always connected to schools there, so when I was a teacher I was officially on vacation then anyway. But even when I moved to a regional government office I basically did no work from mid-December until the first week of January (and neither did anyone else). Also, when your town gets picked to host festivities for major national holidays, all non-holiday work in the public sector pretty much shuts down for a few weeks as well. (We once cancelled two weeks of school to get ready for Independence Day, and then another week after just for good measure. To be fair, it was the official national celebration for the country’s 25th Independence Day, so it was Kind Of A Big Deal.)

  28. cncx*

    US expat in switzerland, also worked in France:

    * from the recent post where someone wanted to talk to the interns about greeting coworkers: here in switzerland, it isn’t like i have to tour the building, but it is considered rude to not at least say hello to the people in your line of sight as you come in and on your floor, and if you’re late to leave say bye to anyone still in. You do kinda need to say hello and goodbye here and it would be something encouraged for interns to learn if they didn’t already know it, so i thought that was a cute question.

    * we have normal sick leave here, and so you take off work when you are sick and you still get paid so please go home. The flip side to that is, if you come in, people think you are good enough to work 100%. I feel like in the US because there is such little paid sick leave that people know better how to leave people alone when they are in survival mode or manage expectations. i’m still very american where if i don’t feel good (not contagious of course) I will still come in, but i had to learn to explain to people that if i felt bad and i was still coming in to firefight or to meet a deadline, that didn’t mean i had the energy to take over the world.

    1. dshockley*

      I’m a US expat working in Italy, and same here — it’s rude not to say hi to people you pass, I thought the same thing when I saw that question!

      The slightly more-friendly people don’t only say hi to people they happen to pass, but also go out of their way to visit all the other offices belonging to our company to say hi (it’s not a huge company, and mostly larger open-space offices, so this only takes a few minutes).

    2. Rock Prof*

      The whole actually using sick leave when sick thing also surprised me when I worked/lived in Germany. Also, and this isn’t work related, but I had to go to an ER because I thought I broke my wrist (it ended up just being severely strained). I had a friend drive me, and she expressed a lot of surprise that I didn’t take an ambulance. It hadn’t occurred to me as an option because I’d never do that in the US for just a broken wrist with a nearby hospital due to the cost.
      Also, while living in Germany, August surprised me. No one was around and half the town was shut down. I was so used to taking short, weekend/daytrip-style trips, that lots of people taking such a long vacation just blew my mind.

      1. The New Wanderer*

        I lived in Germany as a kid (military brat, but we lived off base) and loved it. Later I had a job offer out of Munich that I very much wanted and ended up having to decline for another company’s offer because the Munich offer was given in late July and then no one was around to answer my questions about visas and relocation. I think it was at least two weeks before anyone even responded to my decline notice.

      2. yasmara*

        August killed me on a project involving client feedback last year – half my clients were in Germany or Switzerland. They just…disappeared.

        My German colleague was horrified recently when I mentioned checking in on something during my vacation. “You need to find a back-up person for that.”

      3. NoMoreFirstTimeCommenter*

        Finland has the same except in July. People take 4-5 weeks of vacation, usually in July if possible and many companies actually want that people take it in July so they can close. Only the recent hires who haven’t earned much vacation yet are working in July, and of course summer workers, and people who do really critical stuff that can’t be closed for a month.

        Ambulance doesn’t cost much here but the paramedics are very picky and don’t drive people who are able to get to the hospital in a normal car. Ambulance is for people who can’t get in a normal car and sit there, or who bleed or vomit so much that the taxi driver doesn’t allow them in.

    3. Roz*

      This is pretty much how my office operates here in Toronto, Canada. Be pleasant, but not overly friendly to anyone in your line of sight. Don’t come in sick because you have days for this purpose and we don’t want you infecting us. If you’r ein the office you better put your best foot forward.

    4. Marie*

      Frenchy here, this post also made me smile :).
      When I interned at BigCorp, I spent weeks fretting in the morning: when arriving, everyone (30+ people) was expected to go into all offices and kiss everyone else (yes, this is 435 combinations…). I just could not see myself entering the BigBoss office (without knocking !), so my solution was to be the first to arrive and watch everyone parade in my office to greet me instead.

      I missed France when I moved to the US, but certainly not that!

    5. Ennigaldi*

      The intern post reminded me of the exact same thing! My brother-in-law works in Switzerland and was surprised to be brought in for his performance review and told he’s not conforming to office norms by going straight to his desk every morning. They also go out for drinks after work occasionally, and it’s considered rude not to at least get one drink and sit there with it. He’s Canadian and was surprised by the level of not just politeness but formality that the Swiss insist on.

  29. Murphy*

    I’m from the northeastern US and I live in the south now. In my old office, everyone in my department was co-located except me. When I had to ask my boss a question, I would walk across the building, ask her my question, and then go back to my office. Other than a “good morning” if I hadn’t seen her yet, no chit chat, and I wouldn’t stand around to talk to everyone else. (I was there to work, and that would have felt weird, also I was in the middle of something.) I got spoken to multiple times about my “abrupt manner” and “people from the northeast” and “you’re in the South now, that isn’t how we do things here.”

    I’m not sure if this was particular to that office, or if it was because it was in a more rural area than I work in now, but nobody has said anything like this to me since. (Except maybe that I talk too quickly.)

    1. Beancounter in Texas*

      It’s a Southern thing. We’re a little more personable and open on a social scale at work than I’ve found interacting with NorthEasterners. Those from the NorthEast who move South are usually quickly identified as Not From Around Here.

    2. JB (not in Houston)*

      That does seem like a Southern thing, but it’s also very office/industry dependent, I think. I could do exactly what you do in my office, and nobody would even notice.

    3. Nerdgal*

      Yankee transplant to Texas here. Been here 40 years. Still get told I’m “standoffish” or “abrupt” or whatever even though I have modified s lot of things over the years.

    4. Weyrwoman*

      Murphy, you aren’t alone! (I was looking for a thread on this!) I moved from DC to Atlanta a while back and one of the first conversations my manager had with me was that I needed to stop interrupting conversations around me so much, and that I was being seen as abrupt and rude. I was floored – in DC it seemed like people were forever jumping in on nearby conversations regardless of having been initially included. But apparently in Atlanta (and maybe the South in general?) it’s considered super rude and abrupt.

      My SO even commented on it a month ago, and then we were at an event and I ran into a New Yorker. NewYork and I had a normal NE-style conversation where we half interrupted almost every sentence and were essentially having two separate conversations at once. After the event my SO was like “Oh, I get it now”. And then he told me that apparently not saying Hi/Bye when entering/leaving conversations was also weird.

      1. Roja*

        That’s so funny! But good to hear others have that speech pattern because I was starting to think I was the only one. My (Midwestern) family does the interrupting thing all. the. time and it was major culture shock to stay at my (Northeastern) in-laws’ house where everyone sits and waits patiently for the talking person to finish (which can take a while). It’s as orderly as if they were using a talking stick, with the result that conversations often move in a verrry relaxed manner. It’s polite, I’ll give it that, but I do like the interruptive style better as long as it doesn’t interfere with the conversation too much.

        In your experience have interjections been the same way? In-laws don’t interject when someone else is talking much. So if someone is all like, “blah blah blah” and you go, “I’ve found that too,” or “yes, that’s it,” they stop talking and expect you to start a monologue. I keep having to clarify that I just wanted to express agreement! But elsewhere I’ve lived people do that all the time.

    5. Dr. KMnO4*

      Ah yes, the “abrupt manner” and “talking too fast”. I moved from the Midwest to rural SC and I had a very hard time adjusting (part of the reason I moved back to the Midwest). I was told that I spoke in “short, choppy sentences”, meaning, I think, that I conveyed the information I wanted to convey with a minimal amount of words. I talked far less in general than my coworkers, the general “shooting the breeze” did not come naturally or easily to me.

      Another conversational difference was the open sharing of information that I, as a midwesterner, would have thought was private. When buying furniture from a local store, I told the owner where I lived (so they could deliver said furniture). He then proceeded to tell me the tragedies suffered by the property manager at the complex, including details of her husband’s illness. I found that extremely odd and more than a little disconcerting. I experienced this from the other side as well- my grandmother passed away in my first week at the job, on a Sunday. I called my vice principal that night because I wasn’t sure I was going to be up to going to work the next day. I did make it in, and found that by the end of the week EVERYONE knew that my grandmother had died, even though I had only told the VP. The next time I went to pay rent the property manager expressed her condolences. I assume she had heard from one of my coworkers, who lived at the same complex. I don’t want to know what information was shared about me that I wasn’t aware of.

  30. Cookie Monster*

    I’m from the South and have interned and worked both in DC and Boston, and the funniest difference to me is the color of our attire. Especially in the summer, I’m just wearing full-out color, like pink dresses, seersucker, colorful cardigans, etc. And it’s entirely office appropriate clothing, but everyone just seems to wear dark colors and neutrals all the time, even in summer, which makes me kind of sad.

    1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

      I find the clothing differences interesting, too – especially the sleeveless tops and sandals thing. I’m in Texas and I’d be hard pressed to do without my sandals and sleeveless shirts during the summer. I understand in some offices and industries this still wouldn’t be appropriate, but I think for most business casual office environments around here, it’s totally okay for sleeveless shirts and sandals when it’s 110 degrees outside.

      1. Rebecca in Dallas*

        I’m in Dallas, sandals yes. I used to work somewhere that had a business dress code and there would be an announcement (usually in May) about when we could start wearing sandals at work. It was eagerly anticipated!
        We wanted our toes free! Sleeveless is less common where I’ve worked, but I also feel like we get air conditioned to death here. It can be 110 outside but I still need a sweater while I’m in the office!

    2. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

      I’m from Boston and had never thought about this … but truthfully most of my wardrobe is made up of black, gray or navy. I have a few tops that are colors but they’re all darker “jewel toned” colors, never anything bright. Frankly the idea of wearing something bright makes me a bit anxious, but I don’t know why. Weird.

      1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

        That’s me as well – I’d probably fit better into Seattle than I do DFW with my color palette. I even wear all black during the summer. Black tanks and sandals, of course, but I love my all black!

      2. The Other Katie*

        I’m from Boston(ish) too and that’s also my wardrobe. I recently bought an emerald green t-shirt that’s about the brightest thing in my wardrobe. I think it’s pretty common.

      3. Gazebo Slayer*

        Another Boston person with a wardrobe of darks and neutrals who’s definitely heard complaints from people not from the region.

    3. Overeducated*

      This is funny, I moved from Boston to DC and felt like I had to build up a spring/summer wardrobe of lighter fabrics and colors (still lots of neutrals though, easier to match). I felt quite out of place. Such relief in October/November when it cools down and all the black and boots can come back out.

    4. Aiani*

      You just explained something for me. Every time I see posts or comments recommending muted colors and no floral patterns at work I think I must be crazy because none of that seems unprofessional to me. But I’ve lived in Texas all my life so probably just a cultural difference.

      1. Cookie Monster*

        I have sooooo many floral-printed work clothes and I love it. Honestly, I do think the concept of brighter colors and prints/florals being considered unprofessional is kind of rooted in the fact they’re seen as more feminine. And while I used to downplay my Southern-ness when I actually lived in the South, I’ve amped it up since moving in protest of some of the regionalistic elitism.

  31. super anon*

    I’m Canadian and when I first found AAM there was a lot of little things that made me realize how different of a working culture there is between Canada and the US. Here’s a few example that struck me in my time since reading here.

    1. Maternity leave. Here’s it’s common for people to take an entire year so most people don’t bat an eye at it. I’ve heard stories of women only wanting to take 6 months because their partner will take the other 6 months as paternity leave and HR not knowing what to do about it because it’s very uncommon to take less than a year. In my org it’s not uncommon for women to take the additional 6 months our employer offers in addition to their 1 year (or some women will take the employer paid top up instead to augment the government funding). Pumping at work is almost always a non-issue, and I’d also never heard of it before reading this site.

    2. The way American health benefits through your employer work were also eye opening to me. Reading here was like learning about a whole new world of confusion. Key highlights for me were learning that an HSA was something you as an employee put money into to pay for your future healthcare, where as here our HSAs are something our employer puts money into as an add on to your existing benefits package (although I think HSAs are relatively uncommon as a benefit here). Learning that common law spouses aren’t a thing in the states so you can’t put your live-in partner that you aren’t married to on your insurance surprised me too.

    3. America doesn’t have “stat” holidays and if you work on a government holiday you aren’t guaranteed time and a half if you do work or paid time off if you can’t work on a day that’s a holiday because your office is closed. I always found the American cultural argument of people working on Thanksgiving confusing because in Canada retail workers (really any hourly worker) will get time and a half for working on “stat” holidays. When I was in retail we would fight over who got to work on holidays because of the increased pay. Learning that this isn’t something that happens in the states made the debate over working on Thanksgiving a lot less confusing.

    4. There was a post last year about staff participating in an Aboriginal event, and seeing the American’s responses to it blew my mind. It seemed that the idea of participating in an Aboriginal ceremony was unheard of in America, but here, especially if you work for a Government organization that works with Aboriginal communities, it isn’t beyond the realm of what’s acceptable to have to participate in ceremony once in a while as part of reconciliation and fostering a working relationship between the organization as the community. That post really made me see how different the culture is around working with First Peoples between our 2 countries.

    I’m sure there is more, but this is pretty long already so I should stop here. I’m interested to see what other Canadians have to add!

    1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      Re #4 – we really don’t have any program of reconciliation in America, more’s the pity. It’s like pulling teeth to get Americans to even admit that there might possibly be anything regarding our treatment of Native Americans to be sorry for. It’s pretty awful, to be honest.

      1. Natalie*

        Also, wasn’t the event in that letter not actually directed/run by indigenous people? I seem to recall it being a plastic shaman type of thing.

        1. super anon*

          No, the post I’m thinking of was about working with an actual Indigenous elder, but the issue was that in that community women who were menstruating couldn’t take part in the smudge. I’ll post a link below.

      2. zora*

        The vast majority of USeans just assume that all Native Americans are dead, so reconciliation would be kind of pointless. It’s just not on most people’s radar at all.

    2. JB (not in Houston)*

      Many businesses/industries do offer time and half pay on federal holidays in the US. It’s not universal, but growing up all the men in my family worked for industries where they got time and a half on holidays. That made scheduling holiday meals tricky because so many of them would be working but on different shifts.

    3. curly sue*

      Re: number 4, I work in higher ed in Canada, and our region is one of many that was not officially ceded to European settlers. Every meeting and many classes open with an acknowledgement that we’re essentially squatting on unceded territory, and recognition of the traditional owners. It’s par for the course (and frankly an important reminder) here, but I imagine that would go over very differently in a country that isn’t trying to put together a proper reconciliation process.

      1. Reika*

        I’m a US citizen living in Canada now but I haven’t been here long, and I’ve been to a few theaters/other places where the show will start of with an acknowledgement that we’re on unceded territory. The acknowledgement is great but I wonder how much goes beyond that? Not asking as a criticism but a genuine question because I haven’t been here long enough to really see anything else in action.

        1. Lissa*

          It really really depends. Sometimes it’s just lip service, sometimes there’s more that goes on, like ceremonies and educational sessions about residential schools, etc. (I’ll be honest and say the American response to that letter quoted above upset me so much I stopped reading the responses because it seemed like people were assuming it was some horrible thing no matter what was). I work at a post-secondary institution with a large indigenous studies department and so there’s constant discussions about these issues, and not saying everyone is happy but it’s definitely very present, though very not agreed on with what needs to be done and who should do it and how!

        2. Pommette!*

          I’m a Canadian with very mixed feelings about unceded territory acknowledgements. (I won’t get into those right now).

          At a governmental/institutional level, there is some action behind the words, but the actions are completely incommensurate with the issues they are meant to address. We have a land-claims process. The process is contentious, slow, and, depending on who you ask, also illegitimate/unfair/a sham. The federal government has made some efforts to deal with historical and current injustices (e.g. a truth and reconciliation commission on residential schools; a commission to deal with the horrifyingly high number of missing and murdered aboriginal women). These efforts are not adequately resourced, and exist in parallel to our country’s continued under-investment in the health, education, and safety of indigenous Canadians.

          Smaller institutions often do even less. For example, meetings and talks at my university usually begin with statements. This is not a matter of university policy; it’s a thing that individual speakers choose to do. The university itself makes small-scale efforts to support indigenous students – e.g. scholarships; mentorship programs – but has no plans to do anything concrete about the fact that we are on unceded land, or about its role as a beneficiary of the colonization process more generally.

          I know people who care deeply about de-colonization, are extremely thoughtful, and believe that the unceded statements are useful. For them, the statements are a preliminary step in what will likely be a generations-long process. They serve to raise awareness of histories and ongoing processes that are currently hidden, and encourage people to think about their own relationship to and role in those histories and processes. The hope is to change people’s perspectives, so that action may eventually follow.

        3. Veracity*

          In Australia, we also have a similar practice. Events or meeting start with Acknowledgment of Country ( which can be given by anyone to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land) or , more formally, a Welcome to Country (only performed by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, usually elders). e.g. https://www.reconciliation.org.au/national-reconciliation-week/get-involved/#conduct-an-acknowledgement-of-country It is considered respectful to do so and would be a huge faux pas if not done.

    4. Snork Maiden*

      I’m Canadian too and I did not know Americans didn’t get stat pay on holidays! Good lord, that’s the only thing for me that makes working a holiday palatable.

      Prairies, so we share some of the passive-aggressive Minnesota nice characteristics. Few people take the last item of food, for example, and what’s considered “direct” in other countries would be “mean” here. I also like to pay attention to how people end a phone call – here everyone says “buh-bye” on the phone. I don’t know why that is.

      I’ve worked in a lot of different fields, so I can’t generalize on habits – some jobs we worked right up till quitting time, others you knocked off a few minutes or half an hour early. Start times, lunch times and breaks conventions vary by field and position.

    5. Widgeon*

      RE: Maternity leaves (12 months)

      Mat leaves create excitement amongst new graduates because it’s a common stepping stone into a career or great way to gain experience. It’s often consider a bigger goal than just an internship. The mom wins by getting to stay home, a new grad wins by gaining experience opportunities.

      I’m sure it’s a complex issue, but I feel like America’s (non) maternity leave policies do more than just cause frustration for people trying to raise families – why not give the young grad a chance too?

      2. Baska*

        Another Canadian here! I worked a bunch of mat leave contracts when I was having trouble finding long-term work. It’s great, because it gives you something steady for 6-12 months, and you get exposure to all sorts of different fields and companies you might not otherwise experience. You get the novelty of “job hopping” without actually being a job hopper!

        1. curly sue*

          I did this for a while, covering mat leaves and a long term sick leave. Honestly, it was fantastic as a way of making contacts and getting a range of experiences.

      3. MJ (Aotearoa/New Zealand)*

        Same here in NZ. I know lots of people who’ve made a great career jump taking on a parental leave cover, and then they have the experience to get a permanent job.

      4. Pommette!*

        This is one of my favourite arguments in favour of parental leave. (Asides from, you know, the fact that it’s good for a society to ensure that parents are able to care for their infants).

        It creates huge opportunities for professional advancement. The bar for hiring a replacement is often lower than for hiring a full-time employee. That allows new grads, but also people hoping to move up professionally, to try on new responsibilities. It’s a great way for someone to get a foot in the door in a new company/institution, to gain access to internal postings, and the ensure that they are considered for future openings.

        I would love to see formal statistics about the impact of parental leave on professional mobility in Canada. Anecdotally, at least half of the people I know well enough to talk about such things have done one or more parental leave replacements, and have benefited professionally as a result.

    6. Lil Fidget*

      There is a long history in the US of cultural appropriation of native traditions, so I think even people who would be interested in sincere cultural exchange are dubious of sweat lodges etc – they are typically not run by actual native peoples respecting traditions. That plus perhaps a bright line between secular and religious situations is a factor.

      1. whimbrel*

        I’m Canadian; I was at a conference in the NE US a few years ago and was deeply weirded out by the cultural presentation offered on the program. It appeared to be traditional Native American dancing but the dancers appeared to be entirely non-native.

        I know not every Native/Aboriginal/First Nations person is going to have the expected genetic characteristics (i.e. darker skin, black hair, etc), but it came off as e a whole bunch of white people talking about/practising Native American traditions and it made me really uncomfortable.

    7. Detective Right-All-The-Time*

      The adding a live-in partner thing depends on your employer/insurance company. My company will cover registered domestic partners – this has a lot to do with the fact that until recently same sex marriage was not legal in all states. So we will cover a live-in partner so long as there is a county registration or they sign an affidavit of domestic partnership.

    8. Bad Candidate*

      Re: HSAs, some employers do contribute to them, but the amount varies, mostly it’s employee funded. Also, some employers will allow you to put live in partners on health insurance, but that also varies.

      1. yasmara*

        We have both a Health Care Savings Account (employee funded) and a Health Care Spending Account (employer funded) and you can have one or the other, but not both. It’s extremely confusing – I probably mixed up which is which myself!

    9. rg*

      Something that surprised me as a fellow Canadian: from what I understand, unemployment in the US is paid for by the employer? From what I gather, if you’re fired and file for unemployment, the company that fired you pays your benefits (??). In Canada, the government pays your unemployment wages.

      Also, the concept of exempt/non-exempt. In my area of Canada, you’re either a contract, hourly, or permanent employee.

      1. Kaitlyn*

        I’ve been reading AAM for four years and I STILL don’t get the idea of exempt and non-exempt! Also Canadian, obviously. Isn’t it basically just contract (end-date) and permanent (no end date)? And then both can have either salaried (annual pro-rated payments) or hourly (wages paid for hours worked)?

        1. JB (not in Houston)*

          Are you asking if exempt/nonexempt is the same as contract and permanent? If so, the answer is nope, that’s not it at all! The vastly oversimplified version is this: many job have to follow certain labor laws, such as overtime pay. Others are exempt from those rules. If you are “exempt,” your job is exempt from those rules. If you are “non-exempt,” your job does have to follow those rules (because your job is not exempt from them).

          1. Kaitlyn*

            Oh no, my point was that it’s possible to have hourly wages at both contract and permanent positions. I’ve had salaried contracts and wage-based contracts; same with permanent roles. (I still don’t know what exempt is, or how people know if they’re it.)

            1. Natalie*

              Contract v permanent really isn’t that different in the US, except that “permanent” is more like “indefinite”. Exempt/non exempt is only about whether or not someone can be paid on an hourly basis and whether or not they are eligible for extra pay when they work overtime.

            2. David*

              In my case, the offer letter I got from my company mentioned that my job would be exempt. That’s probably how a lot of people know. I doubt that most people bother to actually look at the legal criterion to figure out whether their own job is exempt or not.

          2. MaureenS*

            In Ontario there is an entire book of labour laws about which ones apply to which industry. There are lists for farmers, fishermen, construction, road work, professionals (engineer, lawyer, doctor, etc) that detail which rules apply and which don’t. For example, overtime pay is mandatory for most workers regardless of salary unless they are in a certain class. Professionals are exempt from most rules, the only ones that apply are termination pay and maternity / paternity leave. No overtime, breaks, maximum hours of work, etc.

            Near as I can figure out, exempt vs non-exempt depends entirely on your yearly salary? Below $xx,xxx you get overtime pay, above, you can work 120 hours / week & get paid for 40? I’m still slightly confused.

            1. Natalie*

              It’s a two-prong test, and one test is salary, but the other is duties. You have to pass both prongs to be exempt.

      2. Frank Doyle*

        No, that’s not accurate. Each pay period, a certain amount of your paycheck goes to the state unemployment fund. When you lose your job, you can make a claim for unemployment benefits from that state uh body or fund or office or whatever.

        You can’t claim unemployment benefits if you resign, or were fired for cause (in most states; each state has their own laws/regulations regarding this.)

        Your former employer doesn’t directly pay your benefits; however I believe their tax rate is affected by how many of their former employees are currently collecting unemployment benefits.

        1. a-no*

          Can you explain why there’s been letters about former employers disputing unemployment claims? I have been so perplexed by that for years.

          As another Canadian I don’t get it. We get record-of-employments (ROE’s) which include why you are no longer working and our gov uses those coded reasons to decide if we get it or not. And if we can prove that we were in a bad situation or if you are re-locating you can apply for unemployment. I had to quit to move cities with former partner and I got EI because I moved for his job.

          1. Natalie*

            It varies by state, but in all states the amount of unemployment claims generated by a business affects their unemployment tax rate. In some states, whatever Joe Laidoff collects in unemployment will be billed back to BigCo by the state. In other states, BigCo’s UI tax rate is set every year based partially on how many people from BigCo collected unemployment the prior year.

            Also, some former employers are just jerks and want to make things difficult for their ex employees.

            1. a-no*

              oh! That makes a little more sense. I don’t believe we have an unemployment tax rate, so our companies aren’t really involved.

              thank you! I’ve been trying to figure that out for years

          2. Evil HR Person*

            There are two things here at play:
            1: In most states (if not all), you only get unemployment if you were let go from your job. If you left on your own, more power to you, but you don’t get unemployment, no matter the reason, unless you can prove to the state’s unemployment commission that you were “constructively discharged,” or you were working in dangerous conditions, things like that. The burden of proof lies with the employee.
            2: If you are let go for misconduct (NOT laid off or let go because you were bad at your job), the employer can argue that you don’t deserve unemployment, and will fight the claim. Then it’s up to the state’s impartial judge or judge-like figure to hear all parties and decide whether the employee deserves unemployment. In a case like this, the employer bears the burden of proving the employee’s misconduct.
            All that said, a good employer will not fight an unemployment claim if the person was let go for any reason other than misconduct related to the job (that last part is important). Some employers do it anyway. Most employers don’t dispute unemployment claims if the employee was laid off – the state’s commission won’t even hear it, that’s an automatic approval.

      3. Lord Gouldian Finch (formerly Decimus)*

        In the US you apply to the government for unemployment and they send you the check, but the government then bills your ex-employer for it as a tax. This encourages some less than moral employers to try and fight any ex-employees claiming unemployment so they don’t need to pay for it.

        1. Natalie*

          That’s only in some states that your ex-employer gets billed directly for your unemployment. In other states there is just a regular tax the business always pays, but the exact rate is determined by a very complicated formula of total number of employees, wages paid to those employees, and who has collected unemployment in the past and how much.

          1. Zahra*

            In Canada, it’s a straight percentage of wages paid and earned (employees contribute too). There’s a maximum per year that you can contribute, so if your salary is high enough that you go over, your take home pay increases for the rest of the year.

    10. Helena*

      I’m swedish and when I first read about a pump room I had to google it to find out what it is. We have no such thing and with (480 days) parental leave it is not necessary. Until reseaching the pump room I had assumed that most countries had payed parental leave for some time and certainly most “western” countries. That was a big chock.

    11. Dee*

      Czech republic here – parental leave is 2 to 4 years long, with majority parents choosing 3 or 4 year option (it’s paid). If you want to go back to work earlier there are very few child care option for toddlers (and all are quite expensive)

    12. Pommette!*

      I feel like parental leave and health benefits in Canada is extremely class and context specific. I know people who work for better employers (usually governments, school boards, or large private companies that care about their reputations), and have access to the benefits you describe. But my experience as a precariously-employed knowledge worker, and the experience of many others I know, don’t match. There is a gap, and the situation is getting starker as companies increasingly contract work out instead of hiring full-time workers.

      I’m 35, and this is the first time in my adult life that I have had access to health benefits. Not having access to health benefits in Canada isn’t as dire as not having access to health benefits in the US, but it does mean being on the hook for any dental, medication, or physio/psycho-therapy costs. My employer does not pay for my health insurance – they just give me access to an affordable plan.

      Parental leave is also unevenly available. For people in lower-paying occupations whose employers don’t top-up employment insurance benefits, taking a 45% pay cut just isn’t an option. I know people who have gone back to work early as a result. I don’t know anyone not working for a “good employer” who has taken anything more than the 8 months covered by EI. Pumping at work is definitely an issue in some workplaces!

  32. Pickfair*

    New Orleans: no working during Mardi Gras. My office trades two other national holidays (President’s Day and Columbus Day) to get the Monday and Tuesday of carnival off. It probably seems frivolous to anyone who’s trying to reach us those days, but getting to the office is almost a complete impossibility. We have a bunch of people who are taking various days off next week to be in parades and almost everyone leaves early starting on Wednesday before we get trapped downtown/grab a spot. Definitely one of the best times of the year.

      1. Tess McGill*

        Not just New Orleans! Stationed at Fort Polk for two years and worked in the tiny town of Leesville, LA. Everything was closed for Mardi Gras! And we were 4-1/2 hours from New Orleans. Awesome!

  33. Rae*

    This is just a regional thing. I live in the Kansas City area. It is completely normal to have an office shut down around 2:00 if the Royals are playing, or if it is March Madness and KU/K-State/Wichita State is playing. Or open late Monday on mornings if the Chiefs played the late game the night before. Any Friday that there is a Royals game the entire city just stops working for the afternoon.

    1. Newbie*

      I used to work in North Carolina where trying to find colleagues during the ACC basketball tournament was always hit or miss. And the first day of the NCAA tournament, forget it.

    2. selina kyle*

      We’re basically neighbors! Especially with March Madness, you see a lot of higher-ups missing work/scheduling meetings around being able to watch the game. I’m not complaining (quieter office for me and those who stay behind) but I do think it’s amusing/fun how serious people are about the games.

      2. erynsoup*

        I work in downtown KC and my office lets us adjust our hours or work from home for the NCAA tournament. Otherwise you can spend an hour just trying to get out of the parking garage! I do know lots of people who have 1 monitor on basketball games for the whole month of March:)

    3. Anon For This*

      I don’t agree with this. I’m also in KC, and I’ve never had an employer who has shut an office down early due to a sporting event. So I think this like many things is office dependent versus region dependent.

      1. Lizzy*

        Maybe not “shut down”, but if there’s a playoff game, it better as heck be on the conference room TV / computer! ;)

    4. Qmatilda*

      Other side of the show-me state but I grew up in KC. I’d add that the offices in both cities are pretty much empty on opening day after say about 11am.

  34. Amber Rose*

    I think in my particular region, we take workplace safety issues much more seriously than other places. Although monetary penalties for workplace incidents are capped at a paltry sum, we have something called Creative Sentencing which has no cap and can cost a company unbelievable amounts of money. Similarly, when it comes to serious workplace incidents, if you were involved you don’t have the usual rights. You don’t have the right to legal counsel, you are not allowed to remain silent or refuse to answer questions, you are assumed guilty unless you can prove innocence.

    I’ve been through around four Bear Awareness courses even though I work in a big city, but that might be a quirk of my position. (I’m taking it right now as I type this, it’s extraordinarily dull.)

    1. Trig*

      Oh man do you get to watch the video with the guy with the super strong MN accent? “Noooo bear. Go ‘way bear.” will forever be lodged in my mind.

  35. Not in NYC Any More*

    I’ve done a lot of speaking at conferences in Europe and the US and have noticed (caveat-these are financial investment conferences so YMMV) —
    1. US break times include a large array of food and beverages-coffee, tea, variety of juices, waters, etc. You could easily make a meal from the offerings
    2. European break times have a few stale cookies, coffee, and sparkling water
    3. No soft drinks at a European conference – particularly missed by someone with a Diet Coke addiction
    4. Wine at lunch is not only acceptable, but expected in wine countries such as France and Italy
    5. When greeting industry acquaintances, cheek kisses (actually usually air kisses) are expected – two kisses for most of Europe, three for the Netherlands.

    1. Pollygrammer*

      International conferences are an interesting peephole into other cultures, especially when you handle the participant feedback. 90% of European complaints about conferences in the US were:
      -The air conditioning is up too high
      -There aren’t enough places to smoke

    2. Reba*

      I have been to one academic conference in Europe (am American) and the breaktime snacks were the best I’ve ever seen. (ripe apricots! real bread!)

    3. Jim*

      I am always amazed that people (usually Chinese attendees) will photograph every slide of a presentation. In Europe, there seemed to be an unspoken rule, that this is not done. In the US, it seems to be more normal, unless the conference organizers address is specifically.

      1. Anony*

        That might also be field specific. In my experience it is generally frowned upon since the data being presented is usually unpublished. I

      2. Deus Cee*

        My assumption at conferences is that the slides will be available after, but then library conferences are usually pretty hot on open access.

    4. Susan Calvin*

      I wonder which part of NL; the Maastricht region maybe? Because I visit our HQ in one of the more northern provinces pretty regularly, and I’ve never seen anyone do the kiss greeting… and I doubt finance is much more touchy-feely than IT.

    5. only acting normal*

      For the purposes of air kissing, the UK is not part of Europe!
      It might be a thing in some circles/industries especially in London (which is unlike anywhere else in Britain…) or other more internationally-connected/cosmopolitan cities, but it’s really not a *standard* British *business* greeting (brief firm handshake, don’t linger, don’t crush, don’t turn it into a hug, don’t do that weird elbow grab thing).
      As a *social* greeting Brits do air-kiss and hug friends (but I personally will get freaked out if you greet me like that the first time we meet).
      British reserve is still alive. Hell, I know a few men who shake hands with their dad rather than hug!

  36. Muriel Heslop*

    Most of my students are Hispanic and they all tell me I’m too skinny – that I need more meat and curves (I’m not skinny.) When I drank Diet Coke they urged me to drink regular Coke so I’d “get more juicy”. Now I’m used to it (and no one comments on my appearance except to point out that I’m old) but it was an eye-opener. One of my students brought me homemade tamales from his abuela at the holidays so I would “beef up”.

  37. Greengirl*

    I also used to work at a company that worked with Israeli theater artists frequently. We frequently had issues with differences in styles of communication. Israelis can be quite blunt in comparison to Americans which occasionally caused hurt feelings. There were also issues of Israeli stage directors not being used to working with union actors so things like “no you have to release the actors at 11 pm you can’t keep them here until “the work” is done” would crop up.

    1. yasmara*

      Yes! I had an employee come to me in tears due to feeling like our Israeli colleagues were being mean to her. I had to explain the cultural differences to her. While for me, it was a breath of fresh air after living in MN for many years but never getting used to the MN Nice culture.

    2. NW Mossy*

      My husband works closely with an Israeli colleague, and they just recently had an argument over an interaction with a customer where the customer was offended by said Israeli colleague’s tone in an email. My husband read the original email and agreed with the customer, as did I when I read it. It was an object lesson that when you tell an American “You’re welcome to ask someone else to help you” in an email declining to assist, it lands as “F off and die.”

      1. Greengirl*

        Yeah, I read a great article once about American born Jews struggling to work in Israeli companies because they thought everyone hated them. They don’t hate you. They are just DIRECT. I also had an acquaintance in college who was Israeli who people found rude. After working with Israelis it explained a lot of some of the things he said.

        1. curly sue*

          My British better half worked for a company where the majority of the staff and owners were Israeli (maybe 75%?) — the culture clash between them was really quite something. It all ended very well – they parted on excellent terms when his contract was up – but he was very frustrated with their communication style at the beginning. (And I’m sure they were driven equally insane by his.)

      2. Elizabeth H.*

        Hahaha that is so perfect – yes, writing in an email “You’re welcome to ask someone else to help you” really does sound exactly like it means “F off and die.”

  38. Lana Kane*

    I’m Puerto Rican. In PR it’s considered rude to enter or leave an elevator without saying “good morning” or whatever the time of day is. I remember wishing a good day when I exited an elevator in my new building in NYC and the person was like, “WTF? Good day to you, I guess” lol

    I’ve been in the US for many years and every once in a while I’ll bust out my Puerto Rican elevator manners to see what happens!

    1. Kris*

      I work in the business district of a major city in the US South and most people will greet others in the elevator and sometimes even have small conversations, whether or not they know each other. It’s not required, but people won’t be surprised it you do it.

      1. JB (not in Houston)*

        This is why I’m so grateful for smartphones. I have my eyes firmly affixed to my phone when on the elevator in the hopes that nobody will talk to me. It mostly works, but sometimes there is that older man determined to talk to me.

    2. Merula*

      This was my experience as an American in Spain! A group of us were there for WEEKS before someone mentioned that it was the height of rudeness to not greet people on elevators. The proper way to do it there is apparently that the person who is getting on the elevator says “good morning” (or appropriate greeting for the time of day), and everyone currently on the elevator responds, and then the person getting off the elevator says goodbye to those left behind. It is, however, acceptable to not say anything if you’re all reaching the same floor and getting off together.

      We explained that in the US, the generally polite thing to do is be silent in an elevator. They were appalled.

      1. aa*

        Spaniard here. In Spain, if you’re thrown in together with other people for any reason, in a shared context, you chat, or at the very least acknowledge the other person’s presence (i.e. if you don’t feel like talking that’s OK, but at the very least you should greet the other person). One exception I can think of is public transport, because there’s so many people involved and it’s not personal any more, but most people do say “hello” to the driver.

        Blanking someone – “retirar el saludo”, “negar la palabra” – is something very serious indeed here, and reserved for rather extreme offences.

        1. Merula*

          Yes, absolutely, hence why the reaction was much stronger from them to our standard than the reverse. “Oh, so you talk in elevators? Ok, got it, thanks.” versus “YOU HAVEN’T BEEN GREETING PEOPLE IN THE ELEVATOR?! You have to stop that right now!”

    3. Sometimes yes, sometimes no*

      In my experience here in the Bay Area, that only happens if an inordinately cheery person gets in the elevator and breaks the code of silence we all observe. It’s kind of funny how stoic we get in a 4-floor elevator ride, all determinedly not meeting each others eyes and trying not to acknowledge anyone even if there has to be a shuffle to let someone out first.

      1. zora*

        I’m sometimes the one to break the silence, just because I think it’s funny to see how people react. But most mornings I am not awake yet, so it’s a rare occasion. Unless there is a doggie in the elevator, then I ALWAYS SAY HI TO TEH DOGGGYY!!!

          1. David*

            I think it’s basically the Prime Directive of Social Interaction that you always say hi to doggies.

            P.S. Hello from yet another Bay Area neighbor!

    4. Evil HR Person*

      Nothing at all job related, and I live in SW Florida where elevators are not the norm – there’s lots of room, no need to build up where you can just build out. Anyway, I do go on lots of cruises, where you do have to get on/off lots of elevators with lots of people from other parts of the country/world, and there’s always one or two people who are either in vacay mode and are super happy, or are from a friendly state/country and must greet others. I think it makes for a fun experience, since we’re sharing such close quarters and a ride. I don’t mind it, I actually like it better than not speaking at all.

  39. Justin*

    I started my career as an educator in South Korea. Let’s see.

    1. When the bell rang for lunch the kids would full on sprint to the lunchroom.
    2. It was not frowned upon (indeed sort of encouraged) for teachers to go out and get hammered together; indeed it was sort of considered bonding.
    3. Related – the principal was determined to out drink me. I was 21. This did not go well.
    4. Every so often it would randomly be time for the entire staff to go to an afternoon retreat together. As in, chartered bus to a mountainside village. (And then drinking and karaoke, which is noraebang in Korean, but the same idea)
    5. We had rooms we were allowed to sleep in. Also, kids never missed school, and if THEY were sick, they just sort of sadly laid in their desks.
    6. The Korean SAT is a way bigger deal than ours – police directed traffic to testing sites.
    7. And, sadly, though maybe this has changed since I left in 2010, corporal punishment was both illegal and common. And in fact, once the students knew I wasn’t going to hit them (with a stick, it was always a stick), I had to learn how to discipline.

    1. Justin*

      (re: 7, i mean i had to learn how to discipline them in a way that was authoritative but not threatening. I felt bad for them, especially the boys since the girls didn’t really get hit; of course the girls had many other things to deal with)

      2. heatherskib*

        I think the sadly is referring to the fact that it was common, although it was technically illegal.

        1. Justin*

          Yes, apologies for my sloppy writing! You folks figured it out (hopefully my elaboration that I had to figure out how to discipline without hitting them should help too)

    4. Language Student*

      I’m Scottish and live near (multiple) schools. Number 1 *definitely* happens here, both to the school’s lunchroom and to local shops and takeaways (for the high school kids). Grocery shopping at lunchtime is impossible.

  40. JS*

    Teaching in South Korea

    OMG, I have some good ones. I’m Canadian. My wife and I taught in a public school in Korea for a year. Here are some nuggets!

    -We (my co-teacher and I) had to go see the principal every morning to formally greet her and bow. To not do so would have been bad form.
    -School drinking: At least once a month, all the teachers had to go to dinner where significant drinking was almost expected. I am a tall man so I can hold a lot more than most Koreans, but holy moly it was a lot. At the same time, it was bad form for the younger women to drink too much (despite the pressure to do so), so they had to pretend to drink. If we did not pour a drink for the principal, it was bad form.
    -Cancelled school for volleyball. V-Ball is huge there. Every Wednesday afternoon, the kids would go home early and we would be expected to go play volleyball.
    -Workplace bullying: so prevalent. An unmarried woman in her 30s would be deemed to be unlikeably/something wrong with her. It was a nono to be unmarried and everyone would talk about this one administrator behind her back. I felt awful for her because I knew what they said about her “she’s weird”. I tried my best to be good to her.
    -Student bullying: the kids would bully each other to tears and for the same reason above, it was deemed to be not-wrong. Obviously there must have been something wrong with the girl who was being bullied. All I could do is control what I could see so anyone bullying anyone else sat in the hall (I don’t think they understood that punishment but it was all I could do).

    Such an interesting year, but those are some big quirks that stand out! Great question!!

    1. Justin*

      Ha I had to greet the principal too but he was never in the office. It was so pointless.

      I co-sign everything you said.

      I will also add the teachers being very… familiar with the students.

      me: (this student is very disruptive)
      (female) co-worker: “but don’t you think she’s… attractive?”

      1. JS*

        Hahaha yes, the flagrant statements evaluating someone’s physical attributes was definitely not something I was used to. It went both ways too like when a pimple of mine was kindly pointed out. “Yes, I know I have a big pimple on my forehead and I’m pleased to now know everyone else can see it too!”

    2. JB (not in Houston)*

      I’m not sure that you can say, based on your one year of teaching there, that you can hold more liquor than “most Koreans,” but I believe you that you could hold more than your coworkers.
      The pouring drinks for your principal has to do with Korean’s interesting drinking etiquette (pouring drinks for others/not pouring your own drink, receiving drinks with two hands, turning away to drink from a person older than you). It’s not hard to learn, but it’s confusing if it’s not explained to you.

      1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        To be fair, body mass has a lot to do with alcohol tolerance. If JS is significantly taller/stockier than the average Korean person, it’s not unlikely to think they have a higher tolerance.

        1. JS*

          Sure, I’ll say more than most of my colleagues since I had about 50 pounds on most. And yes, the most of what I described was all related to the respect shown in the drinking ettiquette. It took a bit to catch on when my older colleagues would ask me if I wanted more and I would say no, but what they were really gesturing at was their empty glass, so their offer of more for me was really a hint to top them off. Good times all around :)

  41. AnonResearchManager*

    I’m in Florida and always think its funny to hear about the dress codes folks in the North (and other regions, but to us everywhere else is “the North”) have to follow. We wear T-shirts, shorts and flip flops every day. If it gets below 70 degrees we add our 1 sweatshirt which was purchased in 1992. Everything I read on this blog about no sleeveless shirts and pantyhose and real shoes makes me weepy for people in other parts of the country.

    1. Justin*

      Actually, it’s funny, because I would absolutely hate to be in that environment. I like that stuff for the beach, but I don’t even wear flip flops on weekend days during the summer unless I am literally going swimming. Which I’m sure makes me seem like a hopeless prig, but I like a button down shirt or whatever.

      With that said, I also like color, so.

      1. CoffeeLover*

        Me too. I like dressing up. I work for a company now that basically has an “anything goes” mentality, but I still dress smart. Makes me feel more in the work zone… also, I own a lot of dressy cloths from previous jobs and it would feel like such a waste not to wear them.

        1. Justin*

          Yeah, I like dressing up a bit. I don’t want to feel the same as home. I’d never really get anything done i don’t think. To me it’s no different from trying to exercise in jeans or something. I could do it, but I wouldn’t do it well.

      2. AnonResearchManager*

        Yeah we would HATE it…I could never get any work done being in uncomfortable clothes all the time. Maybe for a day or two to go on a business trip but EVERY day…forever…I ‘m getting itchy just imagining it!

        1. Justin*

          See, I agree, if they were actually uncomfortable. But I have comfortable business casual clothes. Not everyone can afford such things though and I won’t pretend as much.

      3. heatherskib*

        It drives me nuts personally as a Floridian. But I know my building doesn’t enforce dress codes. I’ve seen multiple pairs of leggings and flip flops this morning.

    2. Smithy*

      When I worked for an Israeli ngo, that was basically the dress code unless people had external meetings with forgeiners. It wasn’t super common and as the resident American, I often had to give speeches on “this is ok/this is not”.

      My absolute favorite though was when one staff had to give an interview on a major internatonal news channel unexpectedly. He ended up getting a major lecture around how having stains and holes on your clothing was bad for the news…..to this day it makes me giggle.

    3. Globetrotta*

      I moved from Miami to DC a few years ago, going from a field research office where I was diving 2-3 times a week to a straight policy job. My biggest worry was having to wear proper shoes – how would my feet ever adjust?!? The next concern was having a job where I could not wear yoga pants. I’ve survived, but some mornings I verge on temper tantrum when faced with wearing real clothes.

      1. Lefty*

        I don’t want to advertise for anyone, but my mother recently fell in love with a company that specializes in making yoga pants that pass for dress slacks. She’s bought every single color they’ve “released” and she is always complimented on her sharp wardrobe. Maybe that’s a thing for you too!

    4. Globetrotta*

      Also, when attending a lobbying training some years ago, the suggestion was to “Dress like the bankers.” I was living in the Keys at the time, and the local bank tellers wore beachy tank tops with manatees on them. The next suggestion was to dress the way the government officials did – oh, so shorts, a fishing shirt and a belt with embroidered swordfish? got it.

    5. Big City Woman*

      Heh, I really really REALLY hate wearing flip-flops unless they are the kind that has support in the arches and a thick enough sole that I don’t feel like I’m flat-footing it along on the sidewalk (like Vionics). I like wearing sandals and am not bothered by anything between my toes, but I find typical flip-flops rather uncomfortable to walk in on city streets for any length of time. I also ate the pressure there is to always have a pedicure. What if I don’t want to paint my toenails?

      As for going sleeveless, I’ve always hated exposing my elbows, and now that I’m older and heavier, I don’t want to feature my flabby upper arms – so wearing anything sleeveless always makes me feel anxious and self-conscious. I only do it when it is swelteringly hot out.

      Finally… pantyhose. I started working in the ’70s and so I’m just used to it and totally comfortable wearing pantyhose – I’ve actually fallen asleep wearing them (after a long workday) and not been uncomfortable at all. So, yes, I enjoy wearing hosiery and feel like I am not completely dressed if I wear a skirt or dress without hose (though I seldom wear dresses/skirts anymore). The exception would be a sundress, but I wouldn’t wear such a casual dress to work, anyway. I even got into wearing stockings and garter belts a few years ago and love them! To me, wearing a skirt with nothing between me and the world but a pair of panties makes me feel too vulnerable.

      In the summertime, I loathe seeing young women in NYC walking to work in flip-flops (no doubt with a ridiculously high pair of heels in their tote bag to change into once they get there) and thin cotton dresses that show every dimple in their asses and what brand thong they’re wearing, all with a haughty air like they are professionally dressed because they’ve got a designer label on, had a mani-pedi. No, sorry, you’re dressed for the beach.

      Having said all that, I am just not a hot-weather person and would never ever move to a sunny-and-hot-all-the-time state. Give me sweaters and tights and cozy blankets in front of a fireplace and I’m happy. So, wearing jackets, blouses, and slacks or (gasp!) even pantyhose under skirts to work is perfect for me.

  42. KatTheRussian (France)*

    I live and work in France, and there is definitely wine in every company cafeteria ever. You don’t have to drink at lunch, but you certainly MAY.
    I think what’s different is that most places (not public facing roles, obviously) are quite flexible about your working hours distribution. You have a contract for X hours a week, as long as you put in the hours, no one cares that you go home at 3PM on Friday or come in at 10h30AM.
    We also do tea/coffee breaks where I work. You come in in the morning? Invite some coworkers to the cafeteria for a tea. Mid-morning? Another tea break. After lunch? You bet. Mid-afternoon? Also. But participation isn’t required, or you can also just get a mug and go back to your desk and not stick around to chat.
    My lunch break is 2 hours long. I spend about 45 minutes getting lunch/eating, and 1h-1h15 playing card games with colleagues. This is not because I am young (we have players in their forties with us) or because I work in IT (I used to work in a completely different field and it was the same), it is because the lunch break is not only about lunch. Some go shopping. Some do errands. Some go on youtube for 2h. It’s like an advance on your evening free time, but during the day.

    1. DuchessofMuchness*

      But what I just want to spend my evening free time in my bed? I would get really frustrated with a two-hour lunch break because if I want to play computer games or whatever, I want to do it in the comfort of my own home.

      1. Natalie*

        They do work fewer hours per week, on average, so maybe the day works out the same in the end? The most recent number I could find was 28 hours a week (again, average number).

        1. Miri*

          I would expect that average includes part-time workers, as I work in France and that’s very low. Full-time hours here would be 35-40 hours a week (for example, my current contract is for 37.5 hours a week, ie 7.5 hours a day, plus an unpaid lunch break).

    2. Katelyn*

      I would love to have a two hour break! People who work 9-5 M-F like me have no time to run errands to places that have the same schedule. Or when you are trying to find an apartment and none of the property management offices are open on the weekends…

    3. Nonyme*

      Re: wine in the cafeteria.

      Contrast that with the (very stuffy) company I worked for up until about five years ago in the US. Around 2007, when the economy crashed, the cafeteria hired a chef who was french trained, used to working in very upscale restaurants/resorts, and extremely talented. He’d lost his job at a super fancy restaurant and this was the only work he could find.

      Immediately, we started enjoying food that was a cut above the usual cafeteria fair — he was a true artist.

      Well, one day the chef decided to serve bananas foster. (Since this is a multicultural blog, I’ll explain that it involves splashing rum over a banana desert, and lighting the rum on fire.) Nom. I was fortunate enough to get a plate, because shortly thereafter an upper level manager hurried into the cafeteria and made him shut the desert station down because alcohol!

      Nevermind it was only about a tablespoon of rum per plate, lit on fire so most of the alcohol was burnt off. It was a violation of company police to serve any alcohol at lunch.

      Shortly after that, he got a better job and we went back to having slop from a steam table and/or a limp salad bar for lunch.

  43. CaribouInIgloo*

    We’re in Quebec. Almost everybody in the office are fluently bilingual. I’ve been in Quebec for many years, and it has never ceased to amaze me how smoothly people just change language mid-sentence. Of course, a lot of us speak more than 2 languages, so it’s also fairly common to hear someone on the phone speaking a foreign language.

    1. curly sue*

      I love Quebec code-switching. I worked there for a while and the easy franglais really becomes habit. So many of my childhood friends went to heritage language classes as well as the mandatory French that it still surprises me when I find out that someone’s entirely monolingual.

    2. Widgeon*

      I live in Western Canada now but there are a few of us who grew up in Quebec or at least lived there for many years. Without fail, we will start the French/English switch back and forth whenever we converse. It sticks with you forever.

    3. Lucie in the Sky*

      I work at an international Japanese company and we do this pretty frequently too, sometimes we get really bad and insert Japanese words or English words into the middle of the sentence outta nowhere cause one language has a better / more specific word and we’re all bilingual for the most part.

      1. sacados*

        So true! There are just certain things (off the top of my head: genki, mendokusai, giri giri, jyama) that you just can’t express in one succinct word like that in English.
        My favorite thing ever is the sort of “champon-go” that international school kids frequently use. It never fails to crack me up to hear sentences like “Kyou wa, I went to the store da kedo…” And they will use “me” and “you” to refer to people in the middle of an otherwise Japanese sentence, so “What do you want to do?” becomes “You wa dou suru?” It’s fantastic.

        My company is international too, tho more in the sense of being composed of people who speak Japanese and people who don’t, so my daily version of “code-switching” is more going back and forth between the two languages depending on who I’m speaking too.

    4. Lucky*

      I work with clients in Quebec and recently attended a conference in Montreal (loved. it.) and the language shifting is truly impressive. During a cocktail reception at the conference, a Quebecois colleague called me over to his group and the conversation was immediately switched to English, mid-sentence.

      One difference with my Quebec colleagues and clients I’ve noted is the use of formal language in email, including “Mrs.” rather than “Ms.” which I’ve had a hard time getting used to. I understand that the honorific “madame” translates to “Mrs./missus” but “Mrs.” is never, ever used in my line of work.

      1. Widgeon*

        Yeah, Mme (Madame) covers any post-teen woman. In Quebec, it is not common for women to change their names after marriage (or even to get married at all; “conjoint” partnerships are common) so the term Mme (Madame) is not associated with age/marital status like it is in English. So, for many francophone Quebecois, using the term Mrs. is a direct translation but they may not necessarily understand how outdated in can seem to an anglophone.

        1. Baska*

          Fun fact! When you get married in Quebec, both partner are legally required keep their birth names. If you want to change your last name, you need to go through a normal name-change process, and you need to have “a good reason” on your application — and marriage usually doesn’t count. That said, some women will still adopt their husbands’ last names socially, but legally they’re still required to use their birth names (for stuff like government forms, banking, etc.). I’d say it’s about half the women I know use their husbands’ last names socially, and half use their own last names. (I’m in the latter category.)

          1. curly sue*

            This drove my very traditional British MIL *berserk*, as Quebec retroactively returned her to her maiden name when she emigrated. So she’d lived for years as ‘Mrs. Slocombe’ in England, came to Quebec and was suddenly (the equivalent of) ‘Ms. Brahms’ on all her official paperwork.

            It made for a huge problem when they moved to a different province a few years back and she wanted to switch her drivers’ license to her married name — but the DMV wouldn’t accept it because all her id for the past forty years had been under Ms. Brahms instead of Mrs. Slocombe. They required the original marriage certificate in order to process the change, which would normally be fine, except that in the area of England where they married in the 1960s, the original was the parish register and everything else was stamped as a copy. Which the Canadian DMV wouldn’t take, because it wasn’t the original.

            Their local MP ended up having to get involved and it took about two years to sort things out.

      2. Baska*

        Yeah, I’d say that “Madame” translate more to “Ma’am” when not attached to someone’s name (like “La Madame” = “the woman”). So maybe when attached to a person’s name they feel it translates closer to “Mrs.”?

        I remember the first time I got called “La Madame” I was 17 and working as a cashier at a grocery store, and had just told off some woman’s kids who were playing with the credit card machine. She turned to her kids and said, “Vous avez entendu la madame!” (“You heard the lady!”) and my first thought was, “Oh, dear God, I’m too young to be ‘la madame’!”

        Now, at a young-looking-but-married 35, I still occasionally get called “Mademoiselle” and I think it’s hilarious.

    5. Managercanuck*

      We see this in Ottawa a lot too, because there’s so many government workers. It makes those of us not fluent weep in amazement and despair! ;)

    6. blackcat*

      When I visited Montreal, I felt like it was aggressively bilingual.

      People said a greeting like “Bonjourhello”

      Also, I found it remarkable how easily I understood people speaking French in Montreal given how much I struggle with folks from other parts of Quebec. I’m solid with France-French, but Quebecois has always been a struggle for me.

      (Side note: whenever I travel in Europe, I am assumed to be Canadian. I speak French pretty fluently and passable Spanish, though I definitely have a North American accent. It’s just that no one expects a multi-lingual person from the US…)

      1. curly sue*

        The greeting is sometimes a bilingual invitation to pick a language (if you’re calling a government office or a company front desk, for instance), but is also likely to be the all-French ‘allô bonjour’ which is more of a casual (allô)-formal (bonjour) bet-hedging, with no intention of offering English as an option. The language politics in Montreal are intriguing and complicated.

        1. blackcat*

          I am familiar with “allô bonjour” and was struck by the inversion to “Bonjour-hello” that many shop keepers in touristy areas did. The couple of times I was greeted with just “Bonjour,” I defaulted to French. This resulted in some awkwardness when people assumed my companion, my husband, spoke French too because he was with me.

          There was also one coffee shop that happily took CAD, USD, GBP, and Euros, but absolutely no plastic of any kind.

          The only place I have ever traveled that had even half the feeling of being so multilingual was Zurich.

          (I have traveled a lot in France, too, and it is my sense that Paris is nearly as bilingual as Montreal, but it’s like they all want to hide it.)

      2. Pseudo-Fed*

        When I was a kid, we took a Chevy Chase style driving vacation to Canada (from NYC). My dad is fluent in French, but les Quebecois thought he was from France because of his accent. He’s actually from Connecticut :)

    7. Ophelia Bumblesmoop*

      I’m in California, at a school that is 40% southeast Asian, 35% Hispanic, 20% white, and the rest a blend. My students will sit in my office and tell me a story about a cute boy they asked to the dance and I have to constantly pull them back to English – they very naturally switch to Spanish or Hmong or Vietnamese depending on who else is in the room with us. And the sudden difference in accents in awesome.

      Bonus: learning a lot of inappropriate words in other languages!

  44. London_Engineer*

    I know that one of my colleagues who underwent a placement in one of my company’s US offices she said that one of the biggest differences was that where your desk/office was was much more of A Thing. I don’t know if it’s because open plan seems to be a lot more common in the UK but in my normal building there are no private offices and senior management are quite happily mixed in with everyone else. In the US (I think it was Washington) the arrangement was much more hierarchical.

    Oh also we at one point had a lot of Australians who definitely pushed at the lomits of the more casual end of appropriate work clothing…

    1. Admin 4 Life*

      I agree on the office and the clothing. At my jobs in the US private offices had their own hierarchy and the Partners all got offices along the outside of the building. We even relocated them (upon receiving a promotion to Partner) to other floors so they could have their office with a view. It didn’t matter if it moved them away from their team or meant that their Assistant needed to be relocated too. In Australia, the only office politics I saw were making sure the CEO and his EA had adjacent offices with and adjoining door. Everybody else got what they got.

      I have my Australian “office wardrobe” and it’s now waiting for summer in the US…but I will never wear it to my office. It’s very sheer and flowy and not buttoned-up professional at all. But that’s what they wear to work. our company lawyer was a fan of sheer shirts and lace that left her bra showing. It’s like a mix of beach and club but made in office silhouettes. And the shoes!

  45. CoffeeLover*

    In Sweden people always have lunch together. In Canada, it’s totally normal to eat your lunch alone or at your desk or whatever; no one really pays attention to your lunch plans. Here people will feel really bad for you if you try eating alone. A coworker will always invite you for lunch if they think you don’t have lunch plans or see you eating alone.

  46. Ms.JPP*

    As another UK reader (London based), here’s a few differences that struck me when I read this blog:
    1. Notice periods – 2 weeks is not standard in professional jobs, more like a month *minimum* for an entry level one, increasing as you increase seniority. For high level/specialist positions it can be like 3 months.
    2. Generally Europe has more of a culture of trade unionism, which influences some things. E.g. I read here it’s legal to sack people for any reason except related to gender, race, disability etc., but here there is a law again ‘unfair dismissal’ which extends to sacking someone for other unfair reasons, unrelated to identity. Also 28 days holiday is standard.
    3. Cover letters and CVs (resumes) are increasingly rare – the majority of jobs now ask you to do an online form that breaks down each point of the person spec into separate paragraphs. I think it is out of some misplaced sense of promoting fairness, as it means applications are more directly comparable, but really it just biases it towards people who have the time and inclination to do loads of very long winded forms, that all need to be different, and are generally versed in their conventions.

    2. Enginerd*

      I find the CVs intriguing. I think we’re working towards it in the US but it’s a long ways off. I’ve had a couple companies ask you to fill out the form which lists all your experience then upload your resume then type it into a plain text field. Do they really need 3 copies of the same thing?

  47. Arya Parya*

    I’m from the Netherlands, but did a gap year in UK many moons ago working as a waitress. The thing I had the hardest time adjusting to was the hierarchy. I was used to having a civil argument if you had a disagreement about something, but here I just had to accept whatever my superior said to me. Even if he/she was half a step above me in the chain of command.
    Of course this could just be the restaurant industry and I’m sure it didn’t help I was a cocky 18 year old. Also the dutch are known to be very blunt and direct, which I love myself, but I’m sure can ruffle some feathers.
    I did learn there that I should never join the army.

    1. LondonWorker*

      LOL I’m half Dutch half Australian and I struggled in London. So much hierarchy business. The English are not known for their sense of urgency.

    2. Bagpuss*

      I think it depends a lot on the business and the specific work place.

      The first office I worked in was quite hierarchical – Partners were Mr / Mrs / Ms X, more junior members of staff were addressed by their first names, and openly disagreeing with someone significantly more senior Was Not Done.
      As a new graduate trainee, I counted as being higher in the chain of command than the (very experienced) secretaries and support staff. It took me a little while to work out that this meant that they would not explicitly challenge me or point out mistakes – instead they would ‘ask’ for clarification. “Are you really, really sure you want to do it this (the wrong) way – Are you quite sure you don’t want to try other (right) way instead?”.

      Where I work now is far less hierarchical –

  48. Media Monkey*

    in the UK and off the top of my head:

    – we wouldn’t get sacked for lunchtime drinking (not to excess and we are not operating heavy machinery!) or coming in hungover and it is acceptable to admit these to your boss
    – the tea round is totally a thing and you would never just go and make or get your own tea or coffee without asking your colleagues if they want something
    – normal working hours are 9-5.30 or thereabouts
    – we actually get holidays, paid sick time and contracts!

    1. Ms.JPP*

      Yeah true about drinking, I have had bosses that take their team to the pub on Friday lunchtimes. I suppose it’s part of the more general cultural differences around drinking.

  49. Cajun2core*

    When I worked in California, it was not uncommon for my co-workers to come in as late as 10:00. I was always there at 8:00. In the southeast US, most places do start work promptly at 8:00. Even if there isn’t a strict start time, most people would get to work by 9:00.

    This may have more to do with the Central time-zone than the actual southeast US.

    Also, in the southeast US especially in more rural areas, the culture is much more formal. Words such as “ma’am”, “sir”, “ladies”, and “gentlemen” are not considered offensive and in fact or considered a compliment.

    It is also not uncommon to address bosses and/or older people as “Mr./Ms. Lastname” or even “Mr./Miss Firstname”

    1. Sometimes yes, sometimes no*

      I’m convinced I will never be able to work outside of CA or the PNW because I’ve spent my entire professional life here and I would die if I had to conform to structure and formality.

      I’ve never had to work a job (white collar!) that didn’t allow me to wear jeans every day.

    2. Liane*

      “It is also not uncommon to address bosses and/or older people as ‘Mr./Ms. Lastname’ or even ‘Mr./Miss Firstname'”

      Was just coming here to mention something similar. In Arkansas (US south), the Mr./Ms. Firstname is very common and considered both warm and polite. It is used between colleagues as well as both ways between reports and bosses. E.g., my boss and grandboss would call me Ms. Liane and I would call them Mr. Fergus and Ms. Jane. Personally, I only use it if I know it’s both okay at that company and okay with the individual I am talking to/about.

      1. Turtlewings*

        It’s also a super-useful mode of address for, say, your parents’ friends or other such figures where the relationship is casual yet they’re above you in authority.

        1. Cajun2core*

          Exactly. The “rule” in south Louisiana was you used the “Mr./Miss Firstname” for your parent’s friends and your friend’s parents.

          1. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

            I lived in the south for a little while and this was the habit I picked up that I insist my kids use. Here in New England there’s a lot of “oh, just call me First Name” from parents to their kids friends. I tell my kids that they should NEVER refer to the adult by their first name alone and should add the Mr / Miss to it. It’s made it easier to track who is who in their conversations and I’ve actually had a lot of their friends parents tell me they think it’s sweet and polite so it’s a win / win. :) I also insist on being called by Miss First Name by their friends. Boundaries are important…and if my nieces and nephews have to call me Aunt First Name, then my kids friends can call me Miss First Name. :)

            1. Cajun2core*

              I like the “Aunt” example. I also like the boundaries comment. Some people will say that the “Mr/Miss” Firstname isn’t necessary to set boundaries but IMHO it does make it easier.

            2. Marillenbaum*

              I found “Oh, just call me First Name” SO STRESSFUL as a kid! You’re a grown up; I can’t talk to you like you’re my desk buddy! Once I became an adult (working in the South), I very quickly got used to being addressed as Ms. Violet or Ms. Hughes, and found it really did irk me when prospective students, usually from New England or California, decided unilaterally to address me as Violet. We are not equals here; if you are addressing me solely by my first name, it is only because I have told you that is acceptable.

          2. Tuesday Next*

            When I was an kid, we called our parents’ friends Aunty Sue or Uncle Mike (South Africa). My kids called my friends Sue and Mike. Even if I say “call them Mrs Smith” the friend protests and says “call me Sue”.

      2. Cajun2core*

        The only time I have really used the “Mr/Miss Firstname” has been with someone significantly older or if that person had some sort of connection. For example (this was both), one job I worked, we called the owner’s mother-in-law, Miss Katherine. *Everyone* called her that, including the owner of the company. At another job (when I was in my 20’s) I called the boss’ secretary, “Ms. Sandy”. I only did it when pretty much everyone in the company (or at least those my age) did it.

    3. Turtlewings*

      Lifelong Southerner here — it stills 100% weirds me out that “ma’am” and “sir” could be considered offensive. I can’t wrap my head around it at all. They are by definition terms of respect. Sure, they could be used sarcastically, which might anger the target of the sarcasm, but even that would be hard to call out because what, you’re objecting to being addressed with respect?

      1. Cajun2core*

        Turtlewings: I am sure you can imagine that it would be taken offensively if said sarcastically as in, “Well, yes MAAA’AAAM!!!” (hopefully you get the idea).

        From what was told to me, it is sometimes taken (though not intended) as that way by people who are not used to it.

        1. Turtlewings*

          I think I see — they’re so unaccustomed to it being used in earnest, they assume all use of it is sarcastic? I guess that makes sense.

          1. AliceBD*

            Yes that’s it!

            I grew up in the South and my parents were very strict with making us say ma’am and sir. We had a new literature teacher in 7th grade who had come from the North. Near the beginning of school I called her ma’am like I was supposed to — entirely sincerely and not sarcastically— and she took me out in the hall and scolded me and I think made me cry. I told my mom after school what had happened and she raised a massive fuss with the head of the middle school about undermining her parenting and not teaching me politeness etc. The teacher got in trouble and learned better! (She only last 2 years at our school. She was not a great teacher.)

            1. yasmara*

              My Northern-Midwestern kids are still struggling with ma’am/sir 18 months after we moved to the South.

      2. DuchessofMuchness*

        Most of the people I know who are offended by their use are women who think “ma’am” is ageist, I guess because there’s a “miss” that people reserve for younger-looking women. (I know there’s a “master” for young boys, but no one here ever uses it). I have zero issue with sir or ma’am. I tend to use miss only for children and anyone who seems to be older than 18 gets a ma’am.

        1. AliceBD*

          I don’t understand that. I’ve been called ma’am since I was a young teenager by my peers and the children I babysat in middle and high school.

        2. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

          I just booked airline tickets to England on British Airways. My son is 11 and when putting his info in it actually required me to use Master as his title. It was just so charming that I wondered why it isn’t used more often. I remember my mom addressing birthday card envelopes to my male cousins with Master when I was a kid. I’d love to see that come back!

          1. DuchessofMuchness*

            I would imagine it has something to do with slavery. I would feel uncomfortable referring to someone as a “Master”.

            1. Elsewhere1010*

              Nothing to do with slavery no more than being called Gov’nor (governor) means you that you either were at one time or currently are someone who governs. On my first visit to London a cab driver asked me, “Where to, gov’nor?” and I was over the moon.

              Master is considered old-fashioned in the UK now, but it was around for along time. The earlies usage is found in the writings of Thomas More in the 16th century, a shortening of “young master”. The Oxford Dictionary defines the usage as “A young man who is one’s employer or social superior, used especially by servants to the sons of noble families or of the gentry.”

              In the US, I believe it was just plain snootiness that caused almost all middle-class male youths “Master .

            2. Bagpuss*

              Nothing to do with slavery.
              In English, originally you had Master and Mistress, which became shortened to (and may have been pronounced as) Mister / Mr and Missus / Mrs .
              So you might have “Master Shakespeare” where we would now use Mr.
              Later on, there was a shift so that Mister and Master related to older and younger men, and then to a point where Master would only be used for children.
              I think the use of Mrs and Miss happened at a slightly different time and that Miss equating to an unmarried woman of any age was later again.
              I think originally Master may have denoted a skilled commoner – someone who wasn’t member of the aristocracy but who had a trade or skill, but I may be wrong about that.
              So it had links to having mastery of something, not ownership or mastery over other people.

      3. Katelyn*

        I distinctly remember my Californian born-and-raised mother admonishing an obviously Southern waiter for calling her ma’am. “I’m not old enough to be a ma’am!”

        In SoCal, implying that you are older is a big nono. It’s a slap in your Botoxed face and not a term of respect in some parts of our culture. I’m under 30 and it took me awhile to get used to Southern clients calling me ma’am, but I take it at face value.

      4. David*

        I haven’t heard of “sir” or “ma’am” being considered outright *offensive*, but it does make me profoundly uncomfortable. I think it’s because it establishes a minimum social distance between the speaker and myself, as if they’re either taking the possibility of genuine friendliness off the table or acknowledging that it was off the table from the beginning for some reason. Sometimes it even seems to imply “I know you think you’re better than me”. Of course, intellectually I know that’s not what people mean when they use it, but it’s hard to shake that feeling when I hear the word.

        Like Turtlewings said in another reply, I’m not accustomed to hearing it used as a mark of genuine respect so that tends not to occur to me in the moment.

    4. Darrell*

      Strongly agree. I posted about this elsewhere in the thread (at least I think I did. I can’t find it). It’s really difficult for me to understand why anyone would find referring to someone older or in a superior position as “Sir/ ma’am” or “Mr./Mrs./Miss Jones” as weird or offensive.
      I refer to my immediate superior, in group settings as “Mrs. Jones,” but call her by her first name conversationally or one-on-one. Same with her one-up. However, the next-up is the CEO and I would never call him by his first name.
      There was a discussion here a couple of weeks ago about someone’s mother coming to work in the same office. She was asking advice about what to call her since she clearly shouldn’t call her “Mom.” I suggested calling her “Mrs. So-and-so,” and the follow-up comments caught be by surprise. It seems perfectly normal and appropriate to me.

      1. Cajun2core*

        Something similar happened to me. This was a place where everyone except the big boss was called by their first name. When I got the job there, one of my parent’s friends (Mr. Butch) was already working there. I asked him what I should call him. He told me to call him “Don”. While at work, I called him “Don”. Anyplace else, I called him “Mr. Butch”. I got laid off from that job about a year later. I haven’t called him “Don” since.

    5. Arya Snark*

      In Colorado, the work day often starts and ends much earlier here – at least in comparison to where I grew up on the east coast. I always thought it was to give people time to do things outside after work. However, I also think there is just much more of a focus on work/life balance so work schedules tend to be very flexible so if early isn’t your thing then coming in late and staying later is cool too.

      I work from home so my schedule is whatever I want it to be for the most part but my hours are pretty much 7-3. In my last office job, I timed my day to coincide with my husband’s schedule so I would get to work as early as 5 some days. We had an exec that would come in at 9-10, go to yoga for an hour on “lunch” then eat a salad at her desk and work until 7p. When I got a puppy, they had no issue with me staggering my schedule to come in later and leave for 90 minutes in the middle of the day so our pup wasn’t stuck in a crate for too long. Basically, as long as your work was done and you were available for meetings from roughly 10-2p, no one really cared when you came and went.

  50. Wendy Darling*

    I’m American and worked for a multinational company with offices all over Europe. I had the opportunity to go to several of the European offices and ALL OF THEM had special taps that dispensed sparkling water in addition to the regular drinking water tap (which was separate from the washing up water tap). Apparently in Germany tap water is considered icky, which is a shame because their water quality is lovely.

    I came back to the US feeling very hard done by that none of our many, many US offices had special sparkling water taps and promptly spread this dissatisfaction to my entire team so there now exists a small but distinct cell of Sparkling Water Activists.

    2. mooocow*

      Actually, it depends on the area – in some areas of Germany (black forest in the south, Bremen area in the North, for example) the quality of tap water is so good, most people drink straight from the tap. However, in other areas the water is generally considered disgusting (Munich, Leipzig) so sparkly water necessarily needs to be provided. However, Germans also just love sparkly water…

  51. Lucie in the Sky*

    I lived and worked in Japan for about a decade. Now still work at a Japanese company in the US (that’s over half expats)

    1. Open office plans for everyone. Even the president of the company just sits in the open office. (Although Managers tend to sit at the end of rows in view of everyone in their department)

    2. Face time is important. Rather then being judged by output, you get judged more so by the time you spend in the office.

    3. We clean the office, or rather, new people clean the office. Whatever year of new hires clean / take out the trash etc until the next batch of new people come in.

    1. Lucie in the Sky*

      Oh we also have pretty intense drinking at afterwork parties with everyone, and if you don’t have a few drinks on business in the evenings people think you’re weird.

  52. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

    American, but I’ve worked and lived in France and Russia.

    In France, you usually shake your coworker’s hands in the morning on arrival, or whenever you first see them. Every day. That took some time for me to get used to.

    1. Pollygrammer*

      I think it’ll be a couple weeks before shaking hands is a safe topic around here again :)

  53. Longtime Lurker*

    I used to work in an industry where a lot of my colleagues were from other countries and one of the things that seemed to surprise many people (though not people from the UK) was the American custom of getting food from a restaurant and bringing it back to eat at your desk. The feeling was you either go to a restaurant and have lunch or bring food from home and eat it at your desk but going somewhere and buying a sandwich and then bringing it back was something that co-workers from several different countries all commented on.

  54. PugLife*

    I liked teaching in Aotearoa/New Zealand for a lot of reasons, but the schedule was great. My school (middle grades) had four periods a day, two hour-ish blocks and two longer blocks. We had a 10 minute break in between block 1 and 2, a 45 minute lunch/recess in between blocks 2 and 3, and anther 10 minute break in between blocks 3 and 4. The short breaks were just long enough for “a tea and a pee” as my colleague said.

  55. Ramona Flowers*

    I work in London.

    One thing that stands out for me is having a small number of sick days and seeing them as a benefit you’re entitled to use however you want. It’s not like that here (but we have way more holiday and sick leave to use). It’s also normal to be asked for a brief explanation as to the nature of your sickness.

    In every office I’ve worked in, it’s a thing that you bring snacks back if you’ve been on holiday eg chocolates from llama land or whatever. I don’t know if that’s more universal or not.

    I also once worked in an office where we had a daily ritual. We had newspapers delivered and we used to play a game called Birthdays where someone read out the celebrities with birthdays that day and we all guessed their age. This eventually developed into a musical jingle. With instruments (well, a toy xylophone).

    1. Millennial Lawyer*

      In my office in NYC people always bring back treats from when they were away :) But that’s just an office culture here, I’ve worked in offices were that was not on anyone’s radar.

      1. JaneB*

        We have the treats rule

        And when we got an office paper (a regional paper – not national, but not like a small town paper) there was a small ritual around reading out the prices for different kinds of pigs on the days the auction reports were in it (our work has NOTHING to do with pigs). Accompanied by a nice round of tea (coffee allowed as an alternative but always commented on)

    2. Sometimes yes, sometimes no*

      I’ve worked in companies with Japanese heritage that live and die by omiyage principles. If you do not bring things back for your coworkers, you have been extremely disrespectful! Most people brought back snacks because it’s the easiest way to cover an entire office full of people. But you can bet that your close work friends would be expecting something more specific – so add those coworkers to your souvenir shopping list!

      My current company is 100% American and the feeling isn’t so strong, and it definitely doesn’t come across as obligation, but coworkers are always excited to check the kitchen for exotic treats when they know someone came back from somewhere. Then again, I work for a travel company – there are lots of exotic destinations people come back from!

    3. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

      In every office I’ve worked in, it’s a thing that you bring snacks back if you’ve been on holiday eg chocolates from llama land or whatever. I don’t know if that’s more universal or not.

      I don’t know if it’s universal, but I do know that in the first episode of the BBC show Broadchurch when Ellie comes back to the office after her holiday to Florida, she has treats for her co-workers and they are all expecting them. It makes me think it really might something Brits do.

  56. Millennial Lawyer*

    I was a summer associate at a Texas based law firm, but in the NYC office. People in the NYC office were crazed, typical corporate law types that always seem harried. The summer associates worked in the Dallas office for a week and some attorneys LITERALLY WORE COWBOY BOOTS. There were classic moments such as two attorneys leaving an event early not to finish up work, as they would in NYC, but to go to bible study! I found myself thinking – is that a euphemism for something? But, nope.

    Also, the other summer associates were just completely different – married already, some with kids, had homes – very different lives as us who were the same age in New York. They also drove really fancy cars which I’m pretty sure they could afford because there’s no income tax (in NYC none of the summer associates had cars – no need).

    1. Kris*

      At one point I was a big firm litigator in large city in the US south, and on one case we were working in conjunction with some attorneys from a big firm in a Texas city. One of the lawyers flew in for a deposition, and he was wearing cowboy boots with his suit! We thought he might be trying to make a point of some kind, but maybe he was simply wearing his regular uniform.

    2. Not in Texas but I can see it from here*

      Yep, cowboy boots are considered dress shoes in this part of the country.

      Also, until fairly recently, you never scheduled any events for Wednesday evening because it would conflict with church.

      3. Momma Said Spock You Out*

        Not work-related exactly, but when I was in public school in Arkansas, a lot of teachers would try to not assign homework due on Thursdays because of church (youth groups/Bible studies) on Wednesday nights. If a teacher did assign homework that would need to be completed on a Wednesday night, sometimes they would get calls from parents or complaints from students.

      4. the gold digger*

        In seventh grade orchestra in Lubbock, we were choosing a night for extra rehearsal. Monday was out because of basketball practice, Thursday because of whatever.

        I said, “What about Wednesday?

        Every single head in that classroom swiveled to look at me.

        I’m Catholic. We do Saturday night. That’s it.

      5. Rebecca in Dallas*

        Grew up in Texas and my grandfather was a minister, can confirm. Wednesday nights are usually youth group or small group/Bible study. Sunday mornings of course. Sometimes Sunday evenings might also have social stuff as well.

    4. Greengirl*

      I’m laughing at this because I moved from Connecticut to Texas when I was fifteen.

      I can confirm that yes, people wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats regularly. We are also really in the Bible Belt. I was in the Houston area so in a fairly diverse area so a family being Muslim or Buddhist was much less unusual than a family being atheist. Also my Texan friends all got married younger than my non-Texan friends. Texas has a different culture than the rest of the US and I miss living there.

    5. TL -*

      Ha. I’m from Texas and my first thought was wait what’s weird about cowboy boots?
      They’re totally dress shoes (unless they’re your work boots.)

  57. rubyrose*

    The use of ma’am or sir in the businessplace.
    In the South, you better use it. The further you get away from the South, it is considered an insult. For a time I was living in Arkansas but my client was in Maine. I really had to control what came out of my mouth, based on the audience.

    1. paul*

      I once used the phrase “that dog won’t hunt” in a conversation at a work conference; the northwestern (IIRC Seattle) person in the group was confused as all heck.

      It was, to be fair, a very casual conversation at a burger joint across the street during a lunch. And we were all having at least one drink.

    2. Cajun2core*

      I work at a large state University. In our on-boarding book for new faculty (which come from all over the US) we have the “ma’am/sir” thing in it. We explain that it is a term of respect and not an insult so that new faculty are not offended by it.

    3. bluelyon*

      or even in general.
      I moved from New England where it’s fairly rude to call people ma’am unless they’re under the age of about 75 to DC which is I’d say vaguely southern. I am in my mid twenties – people call me ma’am and it usually involves a deep breath and reminding myself that it would be more problematic to point out how rude it is.
      (My parents mock me for getting called ma’am …. and happily go back to civilization)

  58. Temperance*

    My first has offices across the US. I’ve noticed that most people in Los Angeles seem to strongly prefer late meetings etc. I’m on the east coast, so I have to push back every single time someone wants to do a meeting at 4:00 Pacific on a Friday.

    1. Lumen*

      That just seems so rude to me (the LA colleagues, not you). My company has offices across the US as well, and it’s not that hard to find out what time zone your coworkers are in and ask for a meeting time that doesn’t require them to stay in the office til 7pm.

      1. yasmara*

        I’m waiting for some West Coasters to chime in here about how Eastern Time Zone people are always scheduling 6am meetings! I work with a team in AZ and I’m always confused about what time it is there.

        1. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

          I work for a company that is across multiple time zones and if the reps from the West Coast need to be in on the meeting the call is scheduled for 12 PM EST or later.

        2. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain*

          I from Los Angeles and I’d be cursing if you scheduled a meeting at 4:00 pm on a Friday. But also, at least let me finish my first cup of coffee in the morning.

          AZ just has to be different — they don’t do Daylight Saving Time like the majority of the US, so you have an extra layer of trying to figure out what time it is.

          1. Pseudo-Fed*

            Whereas I would be cursing you for scheduling a meeting at 4pm on Friday even if it was local time. “Come on, you’re killin me here.”

        3. Valkyrie*

          This happened to my husband TODAY! The Florida team thought a 9:00am meeting was a great idea! So he had to be out the door no later than 5:30 this morning…ugh

  59. Mayor of Llamatown*

    I live/work in rural Minnesota. People here are very, very reserved -“Minnesota Nice” is actually “Minnesota Polite But Reserved.” In my office, it is very common to pass people in the hallway without making eye contact or saying hello, unless you know them/work with them. It’s not considered rude – people are just more reserved here, and it’s assumed that if you’re walking in the hallway you’re probably on your way somewhere and don’t want to stop for a chit-chat.

    I traveled for work to Pennsylvania, and spent a week at an office there. The first day, I had this encounter with a gentleman as we passed one another in the hallway.

    Me: *silence*
    Him: Hello!
    Me: …Hello!
    Him: How are you?
    Me: I’m fine, thanks, how are you?
    Him: I’m doing well, thanks for asking.
    Me: That’s good!
    Him: Have a great day!
    Me: You too!

    All that happened in the space of probably 25 feet of hallway. I was stunned. Who was this guy? Did I know him? Was I supposed to know him? Were we supposed to be on a conversing-in-the-hallway basis?! I had a good chuckle over the cultural dissonance.

    1. anon24*

      May I ask which part of Pennsylvania you visited? I grew up in the southeastern part and we’re very chatty around there. Now I live closer to Harrisburg (people call it the “midstate” but it’s not even close) and if you say hi to a stranger they may literally run away from you.

    2. Emma*

      I grew up in Minnesota and now work in Texas. I am still struggling with a feeling that my coworkers are in my personal business all the time! I know it is just being friendly, but there are a ton of things here that people think it’s appropriate to talk to their coworkers about that would be totally off the table in Minnesota, such as: what church someone attends, whether they plan to have children, their diet and exercise regimes, etc.

  60. blondie*

    I, am American, once interviewed in person for a job in Paris, France. The team was very worried that I’d want to work long hours and not take vacation—I’m guessing because it might make them look like slackers by comparison?

  61. Blake A.*

    One thing I’ve noticed is that where I’m from (Argentina) it’s MUCH more common to ask/be asked personal questions at work. For instance, 70% of the places where I’ve interviewed, I’ve been asked if I have a boyfriend, if I’m planning on getting married, if I want to have kids, etc. It wasn’t always in the first interview, but it almost always came up during the interview process.

    You’re also expected to greet everyone at work, and if there’s too many people, at least the ones you come across as you enter the office. A recent question here complaining about interns greeting everyone was odd to me because the answer here would have been very different. In fact, my ex-boss was american and there were a lot of people who felt really affronted by the fact that he never ever said hi to anyone when he came into the office, and when people said hi to him he didn’t answer back.

    1. Tuesday Next*

      It’s similar in South Africa, although those personal questions are less likely to come up in interviews. They are pretty common in general office conversation. A lot of Alison’s scripts for establishing boundaries (“please don’t make comments about my food”, “I’d prefer not to discuss my personal life”) which always sound so reasonable when she says them, would really offend people here.

      Generally these questions are meant well and are a way for people to make conversation or get to know you better. Few people take offence.

      1. Natalie*

        (“please don’t make comments about my food”, “I’d prefer not to discuss my personal life”) which always sound so reasonable when she says them, would really offend people here.

        How would you word it inoffensively if you really didn’t want to talk about something?

        1. Tuesday Next*

          We have a lot of different cultures and norms in the workplace, so it would depend on who you were talking to and the rapport you have with them. With some people you could say “shut up about it, you’re getting on my nerves!” would get a laugh and they’d probably leave you alone. With others you’d be better off with something like “I know it’s super unhealthy to eat doughnuts but it stresses me out to talk about my eating” – and make them feel a little uncomfortable for your discomfort.

          It probably sounds really high maintenance, but it’s all part of working in a diverse, multicultural environment and being able to adapt to different communication styles. We’re good at that here :)

  62. Widgeon*

    Northern Canada “snow/work culture”:

    Take 10 minutes to get on your winter gear, go out the -40F (-40C) storm, grab a cup of coffee on your drive to work, and laugh at southerners panicking over snowflakes during the morning meeting.

    Sorry.

    PS- I grew up in warmer climate, believe me, I struggled the first few years too. But once you get used to it, you can’t help but have a giggle.

    1. yasmara*

      I grew up in Alaska, lived in Minnesota for over 20 years and now live in North Carolina. So for me it’s the reverse. We had a 2-hour school delay this week because of “possible ice.”

    2. Managercanuck*

      Also, expect most people’s hair to be a mess from November to April. Because tuques and hoods.

    3. Canadian Natasha*

      Haha, this is true here also. (Prairie province gal) And closing anything (schools, offices, etc) based on cold or snowy weather doesn’t really happen. It’s -45 with windchill? The kids will still get a 5 – 10 minute outdoor recess. I’ve walked to work in near blizzard weather multiple times because the only people not expected in for work are the ones living out of town. And that’s just because the authorities may have closed the highways and/or there’s black ice on the roads.

      It’s a running joke in my office that we should petition our bosses for “sun days” since nobody gets to stay home for snow days (or tornado warnings, or bomb threats, actual explosions, no safe drinking water, the actual bubonic plague… Okay the last one is a joke.).

  63. Hannah*

    I think in Ireland nice weather is so rare it becomes a ‘thing’ and if during the summer there is a Friday in July where the sky is blue and it is 25 degrees Celsius people will start leaving offices as early as they can – so traffic will be crazy from 4pm on as everyone tries to get out. Its a real celebration, in my office people go to the shop and buy the entire office ice lollies because the weather is great. Nobody works late those days unless its a real emergency

    1. yasmara*

      I spent 2 weeks in Ireland 2 summers ago & it was hot & sunny almost the entire time. Every Irish person we met made sure to point out that this was unusual weather!

  64. Darrell Rebouche*

    I got into a brief discussion about this here a couple of weeks ago. I am in the South, where it it common to call superiors and elders “sir” and “ma’am” and it is not at all unusual to refer to older co-workers and-or bosses as “Mr. Jones” or “Miss/Ms./Mrs. Jones.”
    I was taken aback a little by the people who thought that to be strange.
    It seems like a perfectly normal/ desirable/ acceptable simple courtesy to me.

    1. The Person from the Resume*

      Hmmm … I’m from the south but don’t really work in the “south.” It’s not exactly problematic to refer to superiors as Mr/Ms, but older but otherwise equal colleagues and more junior colleagues just because of their age seems like it could be a problem. Deference based on age instead of office/management position.

    2. Sometimes yes, sometimes no*

      I spent some of my childhood in Texas and my extended relatives are from Georgia. When I got my first professional office job — in California — I naturally called my boss Ms. Manager. She sort of looked and me and said, “Oh, honey, we don’t do that here.” Very surreal.

    3. I heart Paul Buchman*

      I’m Australian and calling someone in the office MrX or MrsY would be a strong indicator that you don’t like them. I know a man who immigrated here who insisted that the office receptionist call him Mr Soandso… well she did and in solidarity so did everyone else! I think he saw it as a win and that he was important whereas everyone else just saw it as evidence that he was a bit of a jerk.

      1. New girl*

        I’m in Australia and I completely agree. Hell, our CEO who I have had a two line conversation with (Hi, sorry am I in your way? – No it’s fine. Conversation over) is known around the office as Bob. If you put a gun to his head he could not tell you what exactly our team does but we all call him by his first name!

        1. Sonya*

          … On consideration, I think you’re right about the first name basis everyone seems to be on in Australia.

          I’ve written emails to people paid much more than I am, and I started the missive with “Dear Firstname”. However, given I try to be quite polite, this greeting is usually followed by “I hope this message finds you well. It is my understanding that… [insert thing I want doing/clarified/stopped]. [Rest of message]

          Thank you for your time.

          Kind regards

          [My Firstname Lastname]

    4. Higher Ed Database Dork*

      I’m from DFW Texas and I have heard “sir” and “ma’am” thrown around casually all my working life, but in my jobs, it’s never been an absolute must that you address your superiors as such. It’s mostly in a friendly “thank you, sir/ma’am!” sort of way and could be applied to anyone. Neither was Mr./Ms., the only one that I really ever used consistently was Dr., because I work in academia. Even then, most of the professors I’ve worked with wanted to be addressed by their first name.

      My parents did try to instill in me that you ALWAYS use sir/ma’am and Mr./Ms. but it just never stuck. I’m a bit too casual for them. Especially my mom, she’s from Alabama. They are somewhat bothered now that I don’t make my 3 year old daughter say “Please sir/ma’am” or “thank you sir/ma’am.” I have taught her to say please and thank you, but I don’t really feel like she needs to do titles. I agree it’s courteous but it sounds pretty formal to my ears.

      1. Roja*

        I remember moving to Texas and being so surprised at the sir/ma’am culture. One of my high school friends was trained to call her own father sir, which I just thought was so formal. Not “Yes, Dad, I’ll take care of that,” but “Yes sir” and immediate obedience. I mean, I can’t imagine ever disrepecting my dad, because he could be very intimidating (in the nicest possible way!), but I could never imagine being that formal with him either. Luckily my other Texan friends didn’t seem to do that much. I lived in the South for almost eight years and never did really adjust to the extra formality.

    5. Bethany*

      I’m Australian and I haven’t called anyone Mr/Ms since high school. Even at university, our lecturers went by their first name or a nickname. When I have meetings with government officials, we all only use first names. The CEO of my massive company (approx 30,000 people) goes by his first name. I met my member of parliament recently and called her by her first name.

      To me, using a more formal title would be really rude – like saying I didn’t like them. It would rreally stand out as a rude gesture.

      The other thing I see is that my American colleagues emphasise their PhDs, but it’s considered rude in Australia to insist on the title of ‘Dr’ or go by ‘Jane Smith, PhD’. We call it ‘tall poppy syndrome’.

      1. David*

        That’s interesting, your experience sounds a fair bit different from mine. I spent a good chunk of my life in academia in the US, and it seemed to be a widely held opinion here that people who insist on being called “Dr. X” or “X, PhD” are probably stuck-up jerks. (There are some perfectly good non-jerky reasons to insist on a title, e.g. when you’re testifying in court and your credentials are relevant, or I know some women do it because they’ve found it necessary to get the professional respect they deserve; but awareness of the non-jerky reasons can be somewhat low.)

      2. sgac*

        Fellow Aussie – using Mr or Ms would feel childish to me, like you were still in school. But I think the rules even for kids have moved towards first names for non-teacher adults.

        Our CEO is a Bishop. I’m a research assistant. When he comes by our office looking for my manager, I call him Chris. Pretty sure the cleaner calls him Chris. (But the cleaner’s name is Chris as well, so not sure how that works…)

        The upshot of this culture is that I can never remember anyone’s surname. Which GP do I visit? Uh, well, her name’s Emma.

      3. Marillenbaum*

        The only professors I addressed by their first names in college were my theatre professors–in part because we worked with them on producing shows, and it would have been harder for students to push back on an artistic choice made by “Dr. Boucher” instead of saying “Cindy, we can’t build that set in the time we have”.

    6. Starbuck*

      I think it’s fallen out of fashion in other areas because it seems not very egalitarian. Why be especially respectful of elders? Why address superiors with a different title? Unless you’re somewhere with a strict hierarchy (military) it just doesn’t seem necessary. Just be respectful of everyone, equally. Probably it also comes across as fussy to add the extra title when a first name is easier and shorter.

    7. Migrant Worker*

      Whereas, where I come from, ‘Sir’ means someone has a knighthood, and a ‘ma’am’ is the overseer of a brothel, and not something you would call someone at work. When I migrated to the US I had to get used to those terms, although I don’t use them myself. I live and work and KY so hear them a lot!

  65. The Person from the Resume*

    I’m American, and I lived in Belgium and worked for SHAPE (NATO’s military HQs).

    The cafeteria served little single serving bottles of wines and beer for lunch. Morning and afternoon it open for tea and a colleague explained to me that this was important to make friends / visit friends at this time so they’d help you do your job by doing their job. (Obviously I didn’t buy this, but I’m an introvert and didn’t think it should be about who you know if its their job to help you.)

    My British colleague brought a hot plate the office and twice a day would announce “I think it’s tea time,” and we’d make tea in the office.

    One SHAPE office in the Netherlands has a tea cart that a little old lady pushed down the hall and sold tea and cookies right at your door (kind of like an ice cream truck).

    I arrived in 2000 and people could still smoke in their offices for a few more years. It was awful. I had a colleague who smoked and even if he didn’t smoke while I was there a visit to his office would leave my clothes infused with smoke.

    Also there were work darts leagues a few nights a week.

    1. yasmara*

      I lived in London in 1997-98 & people smoked at their desks there in a couple of the offices I worked on. It was so bizarre to me.

    2. Arya Snark*

      I am in the US and at a job I left in 1999, you could smoke in the office. It was AWFUL! It was in an unincorporated area so there were basically no rules (I called OSHA). It was one of the many reasons why I left.

  66. SouthernUS*

    Our office is located in Mobile which is the birth place of Mardi Gras in the US so we get far Tuesday off work. Our office is downtown so getting here would be a challenge and the music would make it difficult to concentrate. We also use the parades as appreciation events for customers and employees with food and drinks during the parades. Unlike New Orleans it’s very family oriented so it’s a big guy with everyone for about a month every year.

    1. The Person from the Resume*

      New Orleans Mardi Gras is actually very family oriented outside of the French quarter and Bourbon street, but the media always shows crazy Mardi Gras shenanigans there.

      In south Louisiana M-F workers are off on Tuesday (Mardi Gras), maybe Monday and Tuesday (Lundi Gras and Mardi Gras). Kids are off of school at least Monday and Tuesday – sometimes all week – and Disney World, ski slopes, and other vacation spots are filled with people from Louisiana because it’s a off peak season because the rest of the country’s kids have school.

      I work from home for a national organization so I take off Lundi and Mardi Gras. It’s just too hard knowing everyone around me is off even if I would choose not to go to the parades myself.

    2. Anonymous Engineer*

      Also a Mobilian!

      It was quite a shock to go to college (in the state even!) and learn that I would no longer get a week vacation for Mardi Gras and a week for Spring Break.

    3. Anna*

      Some regions of Germany where they celebrate the Carnival are like that. But its very localized. So if you are working and trying to reach a colleague in Cologne on that day, you’re out of luck!

    4. Blathering*

      Nope. New Orleans carnival season is family oriented. I go every year with my 80 year old mother down to the 10 year old niece.

  67. Ellen*

    I work in a hospital cafeteria/food prep area. If you *dont* say good morning or hi or something to every blessed person in the kitchen, you are going to be called rude, stuck up, and could be spoken to for behaving contrary to our explicit guidelines. We just had to watch a half hour video on the subject. Not just food services, every single person in the hospital- doctors, coworkers, volunteer, nurses, aides, everyone. I’m OK with that.

  68. Lily Evans*

    I’m from New Hampshire and I moved to Massachusetts to work in Boston, and I’m still getting used to having an extra Monday holiday every year for Patriot’s Day in April. Inversely, there were a lot of Mass students at my NH college who thought it was weird that the school didn’t consider it a holiday. I have to say it was nice planning a trip around a Monday holiday that nowhere else recognizes because I have one less day of vacation time I had to use but no prices were increased.

    1. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

      Not all companies recognize that holiday. :( My current company does not. My mom used to get it off because her office was along the Marathon course (the marathon is held on this Monday) but when they changed locations and were no longer on the course they started working it again. People were not happy.

      1. Julianne*

        We still get Patriot’s Day because it’s during April vacation, but they took away Evacuation Day and Bunker Hill Day and I’ll never forgive them for the former. March is the longest month ever, and the children and I need to know that we get a break from each other. (I’m not as salty about Bunker Hill Day because it’s a week before summer vacation starts.)

    2. Dr. KMnO4*

      Chicago (IL in general I think) is like that with Casimir Pulaski Day. Schools are closed for sure, some Polish-owned businesses, as well as businesses in Polish neighborhoods, are closed too. I just assumed that everyone knew about Casimir Pulaski- who he was, what he did during the Revolutionary War, all that jazz. But when I left Chicago I learned that very few people knew who Casimir Pulaski was. It was really weird. I still wish we got Casimir Pulaski day off.

      1. Marillenbaum*

        We didn’t have Casimir Pulaski Day off where I grew up (Baltimore), but we definitely learned about him in school, mostly because someone would say “Oh, like Pulaski Highway?” and off we’d go.

    3. Elizabeth H.*

      I was shocked when I went to college in Chicago and realized that Patriots’ Day was not a holiday there.

  69. Anon anon anon*

    I live in South Louisiana in the US. More people are given time off for Mardi Gras than aren’t. Other people in our company that aren’t in this region get a floating holiday to compensate.

  70. Mel B*

    I used to work for an American company with offices around the world and I had to travel to our London office frequently. One year around the holidays, a group of people in the London office was complaining about the company holiday card (produced by corporate marketing in the States). They thought it was way too politically correct and that it should say Happy Christmas rather than Happy Holidays. When I asked how they thought one of our clients who isn’t Christian would feel about receiving a card that says Happy Christmas, one of the guys (who was Muslim) said it would be fine with him to just have the baby Jesus and the star of Bethlehem on the cover because “everyone knows this time of year means Christmas anyway.” The rest of the group nodded in agreement. That still cracks me up. They thought we Americans were ridiculous for how we tiptoe around the holiday season.

    1. Reika*

      Interesting, I wonder if he meant “everyone knows this time of year means Christmas anyway” to mean “we’re so steamrolled by now, what’s the point in pushing back? We have been in the US and people lose their minds whenever Starbucks makes a coffee cup that doesn’t prominently feature Christmas themes so…..”

      1. Bagpuss*

        I think that some of it may be that even though we don’t have formal separation of church and state here (in the UK) , there is far less religion in public life, and much less in the way of the ‘in your face’ type of christian / religious activity.
        So it’s less that we assume the Americans are ridiculous for tiptoeing around, it’s more that it’d genuinely much less contentious as an issue.

    2. Autumnheart*

      In the 80 and 90s it was commonly understood that “Happy Holidays” covered Christmas/Hanukkah and New Year’s. It still blows my mind that people had to start a cultural snit over acknowledging more than one holiday in December.

      1. Arya Snark*

        THIS! I grew up around a lot of Jewish people and I was taught it was respectful of everyone to say Happy Holidays. Didn’t offend my VERY Catholic family one bit, at least not at the time (sadly things have changed on that front). I also clearly remember learning about different religions and holidays from all over the world and I can still sing the dreidel song to this day.

  71. Al*

    Not my story, but when I worked in the House of Representatives in DC, I learned that sometimes the members of Congress who slept in their offices or stayed late into the evenings would emerge sometimes to set up pins and bowl in the hallways. I always loved that story so much.

    2. fposte*

      Linda Ellerbee talks about the press corps on campaign planes menu-surfing at take-off and landing–you put the glossy menu down on the carpet and slide to the front or back of the plane.

  72. Cristina in England*

    I used to work in an office of about 7 people at a university. On my first day, when I was getting the tour, pretty much the first thing they showed me was the tea shelf and the biscuit shelf. (I knew I was in the right place then and there). There was an Aldi around the corner and we all took turns stocking the shelf as needed and we didn’t have any problems with people taking more than they contributed, or other offices committing biscuit thievery. It was a very functional workplace in pretty much every way I can think of (my boss was great about shielding us from typical university dysfunction when possible).

    One thing I miss is that sometimes in the summer we would get a box of ice lollies / popsicles from the shop downstairs and eat them around the corner in a small park.

    In a different, private sector office we did have all the tea rituals and accompanying hand signals since we all worked on the phones. I can’t believe I forgot this until now but every Friday at 4:30 we could have a beer or alcopop from the break room fridge. Again, surprisingly no shenanigans that I know of. I have more stories from this place but it’s a bit OT until we have a thread on AGMs.

    2. Ramona Flowers*

      Yep. At Currentjob I was shown the kettle and tea before they even showed me to my desk!

      We often all go and get fish and chips together on Fridays.

    3. Bagpuss*

      oh yes. Important part of induction for any new employee is making sure they know where the kitchen, kettle, tea and coffee is, which guest mug to use on the first day until they bring their own mug in on day 2.
      We don’t buy biscuits from petty cash but we (managers) do buy ice creams on occasion in summer, and bacon sarnies in winter. And the office as a whole has a doughnut fund.
      We all chip in and then any time we need to we do an emergency doughnut run.

  73. Patty Mayonnaise*

    Ooh, I work in the US at a company that is mostly based in Israel, so I can contribute to this! Israeli/American differences:

    1) People in Israel work on Friday or Saturday, but they do work Sundays, which means sometimes we’re dealing with issues on the weekend (rarely, but happens). The airports also shut down/go to skeleton staff on Fridays and Saturdays, and my boss was once stranded for 24 hours in the airport because of it.

    2) For our company, the office culture in Israel is that everyone has a voice and can give notes on everything, whether or not it’s their area of expertise. This is great in some ways (brings new ideas to the table, lower-level people feel like they’re contributing and heard) and negative in others (takes a long time to come to final decisions, sometimes the experts get talked over).

    3) Israeli culture is a lot more homogeneous, and we design our products for many different demographics (and our main market is the US), so we spend a lot of time explaining socio-economic differences and cultural sensitivity to them.

    4) Someone else mentioned this, but Israelis are quite blunt, and there’s a lot more “harsh words” (by my standards) during meetings than at other companies I’ve worked for. But, as a weird cultural thing on the other end of the spectrum, people at my last job would clap and say “Yay!” at the end of every single meeting, so my metrics on what’s normal meeting behavior is probably off.

    1. yasmara*

      I co-sign all of this as someone who worked heavily with an Israeli team for several years. Also, don’t try to get the last flight out of Tel Aviv before Passover because you might not be able to drive on the streets.

    2. Weyrwoman*

      Co-signed as an Israeli-american. Also, if you like cheese-and-meat combos (cheeseburgers, sausage+cheese breakfasts etc), be prepared to be disappointed when you are in Israel. And whatever you do, DO NOT make your own cheeseburger in the store/restaurant, because many are halal/kashrut and you could ruin that and cost the business loads of money.

  74. Janie*

    If you’re a man working in Hawaii and you aren’t wearing an aloha shirt/Hawaiian shirt on Friday, you’re doing it wrong.

  75. TabithaTwitwich*

    US Toilet doors doors that you can see through (big cracks). (I’m UK based and we all hate these doors when visiting our US head-office)

    1. Manders*

      In my area, buildings like libraries and community centers that are open to the public not only have cracks, but extra low doors so you can see over the top if you’re standing. I think the rationale is that we’re in an area with a lot of heroin use, and employees need to be able to check the bathrooms quickly in case someone passes out in there.

    2. Annie Moose*

      Y’know, as an American, those never bothered me… until I vacationed in the UK and saw how much better you guys had it. Now I just wish we’d have real doors like you do!!

      1. yasmara*

        Except I’m not a fan of that by-the-sheet toilet/loo paper in the UK. Nor pay toilets in Paris or other big cities.

    4. NacSacJack*

      One of the breweries I tend to favor has bathroom rooms. Not stalls, but a room with a toilet and either a sink in the room, or one just outside in the hallway and doors that lock and signs that say “Whatever” to indicate unisex usage. I love it.

      1. Natalie*

        That’s becoming a trend in my area – a bunch of single-person stalls with just a toilet, and then a group of communal sinks nearby. I think it makes it easier to fit the required number of bathrooms into a smaller space.

    5. sacados*

      Haha, that is such a US thing!
      In Japan, the toilet stall doors go all the way down to the ground as well, which made me feel really closed-in and uncomfortable when I first came here.
      Now I’ve adjusted and it’s totally the opposite– it feels way too exposed whenever I go back home!!

    6. Mr. Bob Dobalina*

      There are actually things called privacy strips/covers that can easily be installed to cover large cracks in toilet stalls. In my newly constructed US office space, several women complained about the big gaps/cracks in the stalls, and the company installed privacy strips to cover the gaps.

  76. memyselfandi*

    I can confirm the first post about British hours. I spent a semester at Oxford University when I was in graduate school. Came into the lab promptly at 7:30 AM to find the doors locked. 9AM was opening time and folks rolled in whenever. Lunch wasn’t until 1PM. The 11AM coffee time was brutal. The head secretary ruled the conversation which was witty, but the underlying sarcasm was brutal. I eventually skipped them.

    When I worked in Quebec at French university (i.e not McGill or Concordia) the custom was to say hello (bonjour) to the people you met in the hallway every single time, not just the first time you met them. In those days computer printouts had to be picked up in the computer lab so there was a lot of hallway traffic. At first I found it incredibly invasive, but when I left and went to one of the above named institutions I found the atmosphere cold. I missed that “bonjour” several times a day.

    1. Rose*

      Lolz. 1 PM lunch would be early for us; we typically eat around 2. The only people who come in to my (very relaxed, UK-based) office before 10 AM are those who have kids or who do work that’s somehow time-sensitive, and even then, we’re talking, like, 9.

      But, swings and roundabouts — not uncommon to stay in the office until midnight.

  77. Serious Sam*

    Someone put this up when we merged with a Dutch company, as a guide for the Dutch to understand English as the British use it. We were not used to how they could be direct to the point of rudeness, and they could not get used to how oblique we could be.

    ♦ I hear what you say
    What They Mean: I disagree and do not wish to discuss it any further

    ♦ With the greatest respect
    What They Mean: I think you are a fool

    ♦ Not bad
    What They Mean: Good or very good

    ♦ Quite good
    What They Mean: A bit disappointing

    ♦ Perhaps you would like to think about…./it would be nice if….
    What They Mean: This is an order. Do it or be prepared to justify yourself

    ♦ Oh, by the way/Incidentally
    What They Mean: This is the primary purpose of our discussion

    ♦ Very interesting
    What They Mean: I don’t agree/I don’t believe you

    ♦ Could we consider the options
    What They Mean: I don’t like your idea

    ♦ I’ll bear it in mind
    What They Mean: I will do nothing about it

    ♦ Perhaps you could give that some more thought
    What They Mean: It is a bad idea. Don’t do it

    ♦ I’m sure it is my fault
    What They Mean: It is your fault

    ♦ That is an original point of view/brave option to consider
    What They Mean: You must be crazy

    ♦ You must come for dinner sometime
    What They Mean: Not an invitation, just being polite

    ♦ Not entirely helpful
    What They Mean: Completely useless or actually harmful.

    1. Tomato Frog*

      This is fantastic. I think these are generally true for Americans, also — excepting the “quite good” gloss, of course. I was giving feedback to an English friend on a script she’d written and I remember her relief when she discovered that my “quite good” in fact meant “very good.” Now I am very careful about deploying “quite” in the presence of non-Americans.

      1. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

        I still can’t wrap my head around it that “quite Good” could mean anything other than good. The other expressions on the list? I think I may be a Brit because I use a lot of those frequently.

        1. Ganymede*

          It does mean good… just… only *quite*, or *fairly* good.

          You know what, it can also mean that you find something *surprisingly* good. For example, you’ve been forced to go along to a lecture or presentation that you assumed was going to be rubbish, but – well, it turned out to be “quite *good*, actually… yes, quite *good*”. As opposed to something rather ordinary, which is “Yeah it was only *quite* good”.

          I realise this may not have helped. It’s all in the emphases.

    2. Liz T*

      I’m a New Yorker who did grad school for theater directing in London, and I’ll never forget the end-of-year ball where some acting students came up to me and said, “You were our favorite director because you don’t pull punches. If something’s shit, you call it shit.”

      …which stunned me because I REALLY thought I’d been pulling my punches. God knows what they’d have thought of me if I’d been as direct as I am over here! (Over here, of course, I worry about being too delicate with actors. An actor actually came up to me after a rehearsal to say that they all respected me a lot so I could just tell them what to do instead of talking around it.)

    3. London Calling*

      I worked with Danes for years. One of them said that he was told to listen to how the British say something as much as what is being said – tone is everything.

      To add another phrase
      I don’t wish to be rude but –
      What They Mean: I’m going to be rude.

      1. London Calling*

        ‘Wondering if you could have “knowing exactly where to stand on the station platform” as your specialist subject on Mastermind.’

        Oh, it’s not just me, then. Thank goodness.

  78. matcha123*

    I’m American and work in Japan. I’ve actually never worked as an adult in the US, so what I know about American offices is what I saw on TV growing up and from this site.
    With that said:

    Saying “good morning” to everyone in the morning and “good bye” when you leave for the day is expected and you’re considered rude if you don’t do it. This isn’t a quiet thing, either.
    Arriving on time to work means being in your seat at least 5 minutes prior to your official start time. Some offices are more flexible and you’re on time if you’re in the office by the time you’re scheduled to start working.

    A lot of Americans think that Japanese office workers work crazy overtime. But a lot of people want to work overtime for various reasons. For one, private companies tend to give salaried workers a guaranteed salary each month. Overtime is factored into the base salary, and typically that works out to 10 to 30 some hours of overtime that are included in your monthly pay. Overtime is, I think paid at 1.5 times base hourly salary. However, in order to get that sweet pay, you first need to work the 30-some hours overtime that’s already factored in to your monthly salary. Then, if my old office is typical, you have to ask your section chief for permission to continue working overtime. If it sounds confusing, it is. And the reason people do it is because base salaries for skilled workers are so low. If you have people depending on your paycheck, you stretch out your work so you can get overtime pay.
    So, if your contract says you work a 40-hour work week and you have a 30-hour allowance, that means you need to work an extra hour or so per day to reach your overtime limit. And in order to be compensated for what you work over that time, you’ll probably need to work an extra hour per day on top of that. Overtime is also done in 30-minute chunks. So, that’s how you get people who are returning home at 9 or 10pm. If you work for a “black company,” you are told not to write down your overtime hours, but are expected to work overtime. And people do it.

    Uh, people don’t steal your food out of the fridge. Promotions and salary for “salaried” workers is based on seniority, age and marital status, not “superstar” stuff.

    1. sacados*

      Hah, me too!
      Moved to Japan right after I graduated college so aside from a summer internship or two this has been my entire working adult life. Tho, I’ve mostly worked in “international” companies in very casual/creative industries, so that’s a whole different ballgame from the work culture at a traditional Japanese company.
      I hear you about the service overtime thing tho — my company’s is actually 60 hours before it starts to pay out! (Tho we also do have a “late-night” overtime policy separate from that, so any hours you work past 10pm pay out at the overtime rate, regardless of whether you’ve gone over the 60-per-month or not.)

  79. dshockley*

    I’m a US expat living in Italy. Lots of differences, but here are some:

    * On your birthday, or on your last day of work if you’ve resigned, you have to bring food in to share with everyone (breakfast pastries or cake, typically); if you’re the CEO (or similar), an assistant will arrange it for you, but for normal employees, you’re expected to do it yourself (there’s no penalty if you don’t, it’s just weird not to, and people look forward to it)

    * Notice periods are very long; I’ve just changed jobs, and my obligatory notice period was 30 days, and that is considered short; my partner’s notice period is 6 months (he’s quite senior and has been at his company for 15 years)

    * Typical work hours are later than I’d expect (previously worked in Germany); at one company which specified work hours in the contract, I had to ask them to change the work hours in the contract in order to be able to pick my daughter up from after-school service. Before the change, it was 10-7 (with one hour lunch). Of course, it’s not unusual for people to come in as late as 11 later and stay even later. (I think this varies by industry, I’m a software developer working for tech companies.)

    * The long coffee break stereotype is real. Just after the last person on the team arrives in the morning, and then again around 4-4:30 everyone goes over to the coffee machine and spends half an hour chatting.

  80. Lora*

    Had a long post but the internet ate it. I’m a New Englander. Basically. More or less.

    Germany and Switzerland: Wow, so much confrontation. It’s really hard to fire someone there, so someone screaming that you’re an idiot and this is all your fault doesn’t necessarily imply you’re about to be fired or that you’re even a particularly awful employee. Also, people stay in jobs a long long time, so bosses don’t feel they have to be exceptionally nice to keep good workers around. There’s a thing where people pontificate to demonstrate to the audience that they are a better person than you, too. And you get a job via education, not on the job training or experience or demonstrated excellence; if you want to be a manager, go get an MBA, type of thing. Also there is a country-wide ban on comfortable chairs. Don’t ask me why, I even went to Ikea looking for a comfortable chair like the one I had at home, and all they had was hard plastic cafeteria type chairs that hurt your butt during a day long conference. I don’t go there anymore unless I absolutely must, and the next company that demands I go will be paying to ship a comfortable American chair for me.

    China: The polar opposite of Germany. Zero confrontation. To discuss a thing in a meeting, what you do is, you approach everyone you’d like to include in the meeting individually, and then incorporate all the individual feedback. Then you schedule the meeting, where everyone sits around politely agreeing with each other. But you never, ever want to appear to be disrespecting anyone, ever. As a result people will talk about you behind your back, especially if they are kinda jerks who have opinions about gweilo (not a nice word). I spent a lot of time soliciting feedback and struggling to get it.

    India: Hierarchy is EVERYTHING. The CEO is a genius and you should feel #blessed just being in their presence. The idea of keeping someone around because they get good results even though they sign emails with their initials instead of their full title and the company logo is abhorrent – how disrespectful they are being! If your boss tells you to jump off a tall building, you DO IT without arguing. Not knowing, I said things to my Indian boss like, “um, I’m not sure that’s the best approach, can we talk about this some more?” and “hmmm, that doesn’t match up with my data set, let’s schedule a time to take a more in depth look”. You guys, these were firing-worthy interactions there and I was the rudest person EVER for questioning what I was told. I also don’t go to India anymore except under duress…

    1. mooocow*

      Oh yes for German confrontation! In my company, we literally tell applicants that we consider it their *duty* (not their right, their duty!) to speak up if they think a suggestion made by someone (no matter how much higher up in the hierarchy) is a bad idea. Sometimes our team will get so caught up in discussing what the *best* way to proceed is, we forget that really this thing isn’t that important and any old solution would do…

      Judging by your description, I would not last a single day in India…

          1. sacados*

            Oh my god, yes! “Do the needful”
            My company works with some vendors in India and they say that in almost every email.

            1. Sonya*

              It’s the “and revert” that does my head in. So, do what needs to be done, and then… UN-do it? Whaaaaa?

    2. TL -*

      The look on my Indian coworker’s face when I cheekily and cheerfully told his boss that he was being ridiculous and I would get Project done when I got it done…
      His boss was totally fine with it but as soon as he left, my coworker stammered….you just talked to him like that! And I was like, yeah, don’t let (German) Boss push you around. He’s great but he only hears no if you say it.

  81. nnn*

    You can call an ice cream truck?? Can, like, just anyone call an ice cream truck? This might change everything…

    1. Pollygrammer*

      I think you have to promise them a certain amount of revenue?

      When I was a kid, the helicopter parents in my neighborhood bullied the local ice cream truck into only coming twice a week, to cut down on their kids’ whining. I guess they threatened a full boycott? Those people were scary.

  82. Rose*

    I have an American friend whose office takes a break to play chess every day at 4. I think they also eat biscuits? (Um, um, “cookies”? Like, sweet things, not savoury things.)

    I gather this is not typical American behaviour but the image still cracks me up.

    Also, I have a US-based American colleague who did her PhD in the UK a while ago, and I think her memories have perhaps exaggerated British culture a bit, because _every_ time she Skypes with me, we Must Have A Very Long Conversation About The Weather. Talking about the weather is a thing Brits do with strangers, or when we don’t have anything else to talk about. It’s not, like, a bonding ritual. We really can talk about our work. It’s okay. :-)

  83. Perpetual Immigrant*

    I’m originally American, lived/worked in Israel for 5 years, and now live in Canada. In Israel, open disagreement and conflict is tolerated and expected. People get heated in meetings and forcefully express differences of opinion. When I first moved to Canada, I had to completely retrain myself to recognize conflict when it was expressed softly and politely. I remember one meeting I was in between my team and a different team with whom we’d had some tension in the past. No one warned me about the history and it took me half the meeting to even notice that my director and the other director were arguing! They were just so polite that it didn’t occur to me that there was any conflict.

  84. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

    Ohioan here. At my old job, some coworkers and I were on a conference call with a woman who worked in Georgia. (I am not sure if she was from Georgia originally or not.) She made the comment during niceties that she had been to Cincinnati before and asked how far away our office was from Cincinnati. We said, “About 45 minutes”, and she said, “Oh, okay..how many miles away is that?” None of us knew. Lol. Everyone I know who is from Ohio measures distance in minutes or hours, not miles.

        1. Liz T*

          And when walking we still do minutes! Unless it’s really really close, in which case you might talk in terms of blocks.

          I always thought “miles” is for people who drive everywhere, making duration dependent on traffic.

      2. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

        A friend of mine who grew up here in New England has lived in Florida for over 20 years now and she now does the mileage thing when talking about places in relation to her home. I only measure by time.

    3. Staceysaurus Rex*

      It’s also a Cincinnati thing to say “please?” instead of “I didn’t hear you/please repeat that”. It can get interesting when you are responding to a question you didn’t hear and say “please?”, and the other person takes that as a “yes” and you just signed yourself up for a project and didn’t even know it…

    4. Not in Texas but I can see it from here*

      We measure distance by time as well. Personally, I find it more useful than mileage. If a destination is 60 miles away, it could take 50 minutes or 90 minutes depending on whether it’s highway or city miles.

    5. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain*

      I thought the distance measured in time was a California thing!

      It matters not that downtown LA
      is a mere 30 miles away
      it’ll take you 3 hours to get there on the 10 freeway

    6. a-no*

      We do it in Canada too, not too sure if it’s all across but it’s for sure in Alberta, BC and Saskatchewan. Time, never distance.

  85. littlen*

    I’m American, but worked at a Japanese organization in the US for 4 1/2 years. I started work at an American organization two years ago, and had some reverse culture shock…

    Some of the big things:
    1) Apologizing. A lot. For everything. I already apologize so much that people tell me I shouldn’t (British parents), but my first year I had a supervisor tell me I should apologize more, even if something wasn’t my fault, in order to make things smoother. My supervisors at my American job are still working on getting me to stop.

    2) Bowing. It really just so common – people would bow when entering an office, when greeting each other (handshakes too, but still a lot of bowing), when exchanging business cards. This was a hard habit to break. I even did it outside of work hours. I actually had an event guest comment on the bow (+ using both hands to give her nametag to her). She looked at me and said “You’ve spent time in Japan, haven’t you?”

    3) Running around the office – literally. The head person would want to meet with someone and they would literally run to his office, or people would run to the printers before a meeting, etc. I think it was a way to look busy and important.

    4) Direct feedback was non-existent. I had sleeveless blouse on, which I covered with a cardigan but took off while walking to the kitchen because I was hot. An older woman asked me, “Aren’t you cold?” Took me a while to realize she meant I needed to cover my shoulders. Also, performance reviews were extremely perfunctory and vague, if they happened at all.

    There were a lot of other differences, but these are the first few that come to mind. It was an interesting experience!

  86. Wesson*

    Every place I’ve worked at in central Ohio seems to do something Buckeye (the Ohio State U’s team) during football season. Every single one.
    This ranged from allowing you to forgo your work uniform the day before each at home game if you wore a Buckeye jersey instead, to ordering lunch for the office if they won, or even reserving a tailgating spot for a company cookout before games. But yeah, central Ohio= Buckeye football stuff at work.

    In Utah, whenever someone brought in office treats, it was always chocolate brownies with mint icing. I’ve never seen that outside of Utah, but both catering companies and home bakers would make them.

    1. Wesson*

      Oh, and when I was in highschool, I had a job in a commercial greenhouse which had the tradition of, if you got injured while at work, you had to bring food in for everyone else the next day. Naturally, we started hitting and shoving each other to encourage injuries, and therefore food.

    2. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

      I am the weird, lone Ohioan who doesn’t like OSU, but I do have OSU T-shirts specifically for “Wear your Buckeye Gear to Work Days”. I do, however, love dessert Buckeyes. Those are well-loved at carry-ins.

      1. Wrigley*

        You have got to work somewhat close to me. I’m in a south Dayton suburb off I75. I lived in Columbus for two years, and it burned me out of anything to do with OSU football. Every day on the news – OSU football! Even in non-football months, like March. So now you know – there are two of us!

      2. DuchessofMuchness*

        You’re not the only one! I’ve never done it, but my dream is respond to someone who shouts “O! H!” at me by responding “F! U!”

        1. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

          Do it! I have friends who graduated from OSU, and their constant O-H I-Oing, along with their general obsession for OSU gets annoying. Yes, you went to OSU and you love it….we get it. Stop now. Please.

      3. somebody blonde*

        Calling them “carry-ins” is also very Ohioan. I’m from California and my last job had an office in Ohio, and it took us a while to figure out that “carry-ins” are the same as potlucks.

    3. Cookie D'Oh*

      Another Buckeye here. In my casual dress code office, it’s the norm to see Ohio State gear worn on Fridays the day before a game.

    4. the.kat*

      Woohoo Ohio! Another chocolate and peanut butter buckeyes instead of football buckeyes fan here! Seriously though, I never understood why with all the colleges in the state, we had to worship at the altar of OSU.

    5. Bryce*

      In Oregon it’s all about the Civil War game in November, UofO vs Oregon State. Everything turns green/gold & orange/black, either according to the area’s preferences or a careful balancing act between them.

  87. Clairels*

    I briefly worked in a newsroom on a Caribbean island (and work on a nearby island now). One of my former colleagues said working there “ruined him” because when he went back to the States, he’d no longer be able to walk around the office barefoot. Also, our old office had hammocks set up for employee napping.

    “Good morning” and “good day” and “goodbye” are REQUIRED of everyone who comes in–coworkers, clients, everyone. And everyone is expected to respond. It’s driving us all crazy because, due to the hurricane, we are sharing a space with our advertising department and have people coming into place ads every half-hour.

    2. Elizabeth H.*

      I crave to work in an office where I can walk around barefoot and nobody cares or blinks an eye.

  88. bluelyon*

    I’m a New Englander who moved to DC. It’s a weird hybrid of north and south here and the more southern the thing the more it makes me crazy.
    The biggest things – how late things here start – people wander into work around 9-9:30 (and work later to make up for it) but I think breakfast meetings are bigger here which means people are at work events just not necessarily “working”
    Happy hour is a much bigger thing – but in MA it’s illegal (well drink specials are but it serves to kill happy hour scenes)
    Name dropping is different – it’s more about power than about money (though there is plenty of that)
    And – as I agreed above being called ma’am by people in stores/restaurants/service providers makes me nutty. It’s rude- and it’s lazy English.

    1. Reba*

      Sorry, what’s lazy about calling someone Ma’am?

      I get not liking it–I don’t really either–but lazy or not correct English?

      2. bluelyon*

        It isn’t that it’s not correct – it however never adds value. – This may be a New England vs. everyone else thing but – most of the time it seems tacked on to a sentence as filler. (Similar to saying like, uhh, mmm) Think “How are you today ma’am? Can I get you anything else, ma’am? Ma’am, have a nice day, Well ma’am that’s just the way we do things here.

        In none of those (admittedly banal) examples does the word add any value to the sentence or question. The laziness comes from not getting to the point and finishing the sentence. Much the same way it’s easier to write five pages of filler than two pages of straight to the point content. (She says having written two paragraphs about the word ma’am)

        1. VA Tech*

          I think the value is supposed to be the fact that it’s a term of respect. It doesn’t add to the sentence content, it just signifies that the person addressing you is trying to be respectful.

      3. Ganymede*

        The Queen is called Ma’am. Once you’ve called her “Your Majesty” you can revert to “Ma’am” in the rest of the conversation. Nothing lazy or rude there.

        Prince Charles, whom I’ve met a couple of times, gets called “Your Royal Highness” and subsequently “Sir”.

        However, both Ma’am and Sir – especially Ma’am – are much less common in everyday encounters in the UK.

        1. Big City Woman*

          Helen Mirren, as DCI Jane Tennyson in the original Prime Suspect series, would say to new detectives after they’d called her Ma’am, “Call me Gov, or call me Boss. Don’t call me Ma’am – I’m not the bloody Queen.”

    2. Anonymousaurus Rex*

      I think that it’s pretty harsh to consider calling someone “ma’am” rude. It’s literally a marker of deference and respect. It’s definitely not meant to be rude in any context I can think of. I think some Northerners feel like you only say this to (considerably) older people, but even then it’s meant as a term of respect and not as an insult.

      I was a childhood transplant to the South (at 11 from New York, now I live in California) and I had some rough times learning the sir/ma’am expectations–as in I once received a detention for responding “yes” to a question from a teacher rather than “yes, ma’am”–I just didn’t know what was required. That said, I think it makes sense to defer to the culture you’re in, rather than take as an insult something that’s meant as respectful.

      1. bluelyon*

        I definitely defer – see the gritting my teeth and reminding myself it’s not intended to be rude.

        In addition to being used almost exclusively for people who are into their 70s and above it’s a passive aggressive thing. The rude, demanding, woman who wants to speak to the manager over some petty slight – response will almost definitely include ma’am.

        But after half a dozen years here it’s still something that warrants a reminder – someone is being polite, not calling you old or silently finishing that thought with some creative curses. Because where I am from it’s rude – and we raise(d) eyebrows at the southerns who used it for the same reason you’re raising one at me. You need to adjust to where you are.

    4. EmilyAnn*

      I was a transplant from the UK to a Texas as a child. I learned a little bit of ma’am and sir, but we used to call grown-ups Ms. or Mr. First Name. I adjusted to that just fine. The ma’am and sir habits also worked well for me when I worked for the military. I was also never insulted when active duty folks who were my age or older called me ma’am. I worked with people from all over the world and was addressed many ways, bowed to, all kinds of things that were outside my cultural norm. Whenever someone gives me what their culture considers to be a sign of respect, I take it as such.

    5. NewJobWendy*

      I’ve worked in Boston, MA and DC and also noticed the late start times in DC, but it’s mostly due to traffic. Beltway traffic just snarls up so early in the morning and it takes so long to get anywhere that an early start just ins’t practical. It’s common for breakfast meetings in Boston to start at 7am, but in DC not much is ever scheduled before 8am (in my experience at least).

    6. Beeblebrox*

      I grew up in the South and children were taught to say sir and ma’am as a sign of respect to others. It seems strange to me that people would be annoyed by it.

  89. uif*

    Moved from France to Sweden and definitely noticed the informal attitude in Sweden! Everyone up to company owners were addressed by first names, no one even has a work phone anymore and instead just puts their private cell number on the website and I know a fair amount of details about my boss’ marriage (not bedroom details but quite private disagreements they have, his wive not getting along with this parents etc.)
    Plus don’t get me started on the whole kids-at-work thing. We have literally had meetings with two teething babies just screaming through the entire meeting. Plus it’s perfectly acceptable to leave at 2 pm to pick up your kids from daycare or come in at 11 am if you had to drop them off, even if you’re employed full time. People usually make up for part of it by working from home but definitely not all of it!

    1. the gold digger*

      I worked with the Mapuche women in Chile. I didn’t mind that they had babies and children at meetings. I minded that I was told I could not knit during meetings because it was distracting.

      While there were four women with nursing babies – boobs! at work! – sitting at the same table with me.

      1. uif*

        Nursing in public is quite common here as well and has actually happened in our meetings as well (though not frequently). The attitude towards that is very relaxed here which I find really great! I (and I think most of my colleagues agree) much prefer the moms discreetly nursing their kids in the meeting rather than having them go cranky and cry.

  90. Liz T*

    This is not an office, but I work in theater, so this counts:

    American theater director here; went to grad school in London. The absolute BIGGEST culture shock in London was always when stage managers gave actors their calls. In America, when actors are told, say, “15 minutes to places!” the entire cast says, in unison, “Thank you fifteen.” This tells the SM people heard her, is a sign of respect for all the unsung heroics SMs do, and is *drilled* into American actors from an early age.

    They don’t do that in England.

    I wish I could impress upon you all how *wrong* that feels. It’s like a priest or rabbi saying “amen” and getting no response at all from the congregation. It actually made me physically uncomfortable! I often said “Thank you fifteen” even though I wasn’t an actor at all–which did gratify the few Americans at the school who’d learned to fit in better than I did.

    1. OyVey*

      I work in dinner theater and expect my kitchen staff and servers to respond to the stage manager’s calls. We have an hour to get meals and drinks out; there are problems if someone isn’t paying attention. Servers who haven’t heard a call in a while know to ask the stage manager themselves or ask me. For what it’s worth, I know the servers are doing a good job if they need to ask what call we’re on. They’re spending more time on the floor than floating in and out of the kitchen. All that to say, not responding to SM calls sounds so strange. Like, not even sure how to cope with that as an actor or staff

    3. Roja*

      Oh goodness, I’ve stage managed here in the US and that would just be so odd. I would constantly wonder if anyone heard me, and as a dancer I would feel very rude being silent if I didn’t respond to the SM!

    4. Suzie*

      How does that work? Like, how can they hear you? Are the SMs still going round knocking on doors like in the olden days? In the UK, every theatre has a tannoy system that the DSM uses, so a chorus of “thank you!” wouldn’t be heard by them up in the box.

      1. Ganymede*

        Exactly! – and in my (professional) experience, if you were somewhere with no tannoy, such as in a Fringe theatre, and the SM came in to make the call, there would indeed be an acknowledgement from the cast – though not a formal one.

    5. Marillenbaum*

      OH MY GOD, this is me. Even though I no longer do theatre, I absolutely use time to places so people know what’s up.

  91. Reika*

    Worked in Japan. There is no concept of conflict resolution, whoever is more senior is right, and that’s that. There’s no “I’ve noticed I do ____ and that results in ____ from you, is something wrong/should I be doing something differently?” You’re automatically the bad guy for doing this because it implies that something’s wrong.

    Japanese culture is very much based on enduring terrible situations and not fixing them. There’s a lot I loved about my time living there but that’s not part of it.

    1. Reika*

      Oh also, Japanese people are expected to put in tons and tons of hours but I found that they were rarely actually WORKING during those hours. People would clip their toenails, flip through the same pages of a book while not looking at it, scroll up and down the same website for hours because that had no idea what they were supposed to be doing; the actual work had run out hours ago. But even if you’ve been in since 8, if you leave at 5 (or 6 or 7 etc) when other people are still there, you’re “slacking off” and are expected to stick around trying to look busy so everyone can see how much you’re willing to sacrifice your life for the company.

  92. HR Expat*

    American working in the UK here. There aren’t as many differences as I’d expect, but here are a few I’ve noticed:
    -They are very aware of employment laws. Any time we try to make a change, there are questions about changing contractual terms and conditions. Also, they will say that they are taking legal advice. We encourage them to do this.
    -Most of my team are very punctual and only worked their contractual hours (contrary to other posters above). In the US, most of my peers would work ungodly hours throughout the week; here it’s an expectation to get time off if you work more than an hour per week beyond your contractual hours
    -LONG sentences. I might say something in 1-2 sentences, my peers will take 5-10 sentences to get the same message across
    -Absences due to illness: in the US, I wouldn’t dream of asking why someone is taking a sick/PTO day. In the UK, my employees are required to provide the reason for their absence to their manager. It helps us figure out if someone gets statutory sick pay, vacation time off, or unpaid days.
    -Getting tea: coworkers get each other tea all the time. It seems like it’s usually the same person.
    -Taking lunch breaks. In the US, most of my salaried peers and business leaders would work through lunch and eat at their desk. In the UK, most of my team (also salaried) make it a point to leave the office to go out to lunch.
    -Cars. This one drives me batty. Company cars are a HUGE.DEAL. It’s a status symbol and any changes to the car offerings go down like a ton of bricks.

  93. Coywolf*

    I actually have one related to the recent question about how to talk interns out of greeting everyone at the start and end of the work day. I was surprised by this question and by the answer because I’m at my first long term full time office job (4 years so far), and here everyone greets everyone else every single morning. Now, some people don’t go out of their way to greet everyone but if they’re walking down the hallway and they pass an office they always take a moment to greet everyone, even chat sometimes, then on to the next office. It’s a loud morning ritual that usually last the first 7 minutes of the day (there are about 30 people in the office every morning) and it’s actually kind of nice to see everyone every morning and say hi and crack a few jokes. I’m in California and most of the office is of an immigrant minority background so that could also be why. I can’t imagine what working in a more diverse office would be like now…

  94. Knitting Cat Lady*

    German here.

    Germans don’t beat around the bush. We are very direct and say what we mean.

    It is also very common to greet each other with ‘Mahlzeit!’ (‘Have a good meal!’) between 11:00 and 14:00.

  95. linds*

    I’m from Calgary (Canada), and every year in July we have a rodeo/midway/carnival called the Stampede. The entire city goes “western” for 10 days. Hay bales and country music are everywhere, and people will plan their week around which free pancake breakfasts (and barbecues to a lesser extent) they will attend. Organizations with stricter dress codes will generally allow their employees to wear jeans that week, and people are generally less productive that week at work than they otherwise would be.

    1. DuchessofMuchness*

      I remember in the final “For Better or For Worse” comic strip that April got a job with the Calgary Stampede and moved out to Calgary for it. I didn’t realize it was just a week! I thought it was some kind of ongoing thing like a Medieval Times sort of set-up.

  96. Lou*

    I’m in the UK and I’ve never heard of offices with an open pet policy, as mentioned on this site. The odd office dog, yes, but not a menagerie. Guessing this is a USA thing?

    1. Manders*

      I work in one of the areas of the US that’s famous for this, and I think part of the reason it caught on here is the fact that people often work late or have long commutes, and they aren’t able to go home at lunch to walk their dogs. If you have a dog, that means they’ll be left alone for 10-12 hours while you’re working and commuting, plus most people don’t have big yards so the pups would otherwise be home alone in small apartments. Doggie daycares are also common here, and there’s at least one local startup dedicated to connecting dog owners with dog walkers.

    2. Casanova Frankenstein*

      I would say this is a USA thing only for offices that are trying to market themselves as “hip” or “modern” usually in creative fields like fashion and entertainment. One of the large video game companies that employs thousands of people in my area is well known for pet-friendly policies and when you drive by during work hours you can see groups of 5-6 dogs and their owners hanging out on the green spaces. Acquaintances I’ve met who work there tell me some people also bring their cats. Allegedly, the HR policy is that if there is even one complaint about a specific animal, it can no longer be brought to work. I’ve also heard that every now and again there are poop accidents in the office, which no one will claim responsibility for (/vomit). A friend who used to work in a San Francisco tech company with a pet-friendly policy told me that in addition to the usual dogs and cats, one co-worker brought her rabbit and let it out of the cage to hop around the office.

      I personally loathe pet-friendly offices and refuse to work at any since a lot of companies are not prepared to deal with the inevitable problems that arise. At a former job, a small family-owned company that was terrible for a variety of reasons, I was bitten by the Creative Director’s dog. I had a 4″ wide bruise that was deep purple and when I complained to management, I was sincerely doubted. “He does like to nip people in a friendly way. Are you sure it wasn’t that?” I was livid when my co-workers told me the dog had bitten multiple people in the past. At the time of the dog bite, I had already handed in my notice, but I told them I would not work through the end of the notice period if the dog would be in the office. Another executive brought her dog, who was usually well behaved, but once pooped in a high traffic area. She refused to clean it up and it sat there for an entire day until janitor, who also worked in the mail room came through at night. He passive-aggressively only partially cleaned it and the remnants sat there for yet another day.

  97. karen199*

    I’m American but I live in Mexico. One thing that took me by surprise were greetings to coworkers. People here kiss on the cheek to say hello and goodbye, so in the morning people with often stop to say “buenos dias” and kiss every person they see. It’s nice but I’m… still getting used to it.

  98. Jess*

    My firm works a lot in China, and the thing that always surprised me was how seriously they take business cards. It’s considered polite to make eye contact and give the person your card with two hands while introducing yourself. Very different than the USA pass out the cards around the table.

    1. fposte*

      I’ve heard the two hands thing–my vague impression is it’s not just two hands but a full configuration that’s important, like one hand on each side horizontally with the print facing up and readable from the recipient’s perspective rather than the giver’s. Is that correct?

      1. Pam*

        Living in Southern California with a large Asian population, I commonly see the two-handed presentation for money as well.

  99. Laura*

    This in in the U.S., but when I started for the Post Office, we had to clock in and out for breaks as well as lunch, and woe betide the person who didn’t take the correct breaks and lunch! The breaks are 5-10-5, lunch is 30 minutes, then 5-10-5 and the breaks had to be almost exact; the lunch had to be exact. The 5 minutes are supposed to be ergo breaks where you do ergonomic exercises by your desk, but no one does. Now that they have done away with clocking in and out for breaks, they’re not as strict about taking breaks at exactly 55 minutes after your shift begins, then 55 minutes after your first break and so on, but the length of our breaks is part of our quarterly reviews (and I always get lectured because I think that as long as my breaks don’t go over 40 minutes in aggregate they shouldn’t have a problem). We do have to clock in and out for lunch and they totally freak if lunch is less than 50 clicks (50/100 of an hour or 30 minutes) but if it’s much over (like more than 31 minutes) they get upset, too. (We also have to clock in within a minute or two of our start time, absolutely not early, but we can leave a minute or two early so we do not go over 8 hours or they freak about that too). The reason is the union contract, but there’s a 5 minute leeway either way, so I don’t understand the freaking (except on lunch), but if it makes them happy…

  100. Vendelle*

    I’m from the Netherlands. Some of the peculiarities at my health-related office (some may be national, some may not, I’m not sure):
    – twice a week we have an organized lunch, for which some money is taken out of our wages, which means that on those days we don’t need to bring a packed lunch
    – on someone’s birthday, they are supposed to treat their colleagues to cake. Before the colleagues enjoy the cake, they’re supposed to congratulate the birthday person by shaking hands, saying congratulationsc/happy birthday and kissing them 3 times (on the cheeks, alternating sides, starting on the left).
    – we have two days off for Christmas (Dec 25 and 26).
    – every December, we play a “secret friend” game where we all get appointed a colleague. We have to buy small gifts for them (1-2 euro) and one slightly larger one (around 10 euro) for during the Christmas do, where we reveal who we were a secret friend to.
    Nothing else comes to mind right now.

    1. Stacy*

      I’m from the US, but living and working the Netherlands, and I say that’s nearly spot-on. However, my office has a canteen (cafeteria), so rather than an organized lunch, you’re just expected to have lunch together with your team colleagues EVERY DAY. It’s seen as weird and anti-social to eat alone. It’s really hard on an introvert like myself who needs some downtime to just read and recharge. I did interview at a much smaller office where everyone was assigned a week to shop and prepare that week’s lunch for everyone, so it could be worse.

      Also at the New Year, everyone is very aggressive with their new year greetings…You can’t say hello or chat about anything until you’ve exchanged “Happy New Year” and the three cheek-kisses. Since so many people take the first week of the year off for holiday, the greetings can extend well into mid-January before you work your way through all of your colleagues.

  101. Ruth (UK)*

    I have in fact replied to two other tea related posts above but I feel this is tea related issue that requires a new thread…

    I often arrive slightly early to work because I cycle and don’t like to feel rushed. I’m typically 10-15mins early while my coworkers tend to arrive more dead on 9am.

    When I get in, I really would quite like a cup of tea. However, I don’t make one. I wait until everyone else has arrived and then offer, or wait for one of them to offer. It would be rude for me to make myself a cup of tea just for me (even though they haven’t arrived yet) but I don’t feel I can’t just make them all tea without asking.

    Also, during a ‘catch up’ meeting recently with my boss, she apologised for not including me in a tea run earlier that day as I was out of the building when she made tea and she wasn’t sure for how long I’d be gone for.

    2. Cyberspace Hamster*

      Nope, first thing I do every morning is make myself a cup of tea with my own personal tea stash. Though I’m in an office of coffee drinkers so tea runs aren’t a thing (I kinda wish they were though).

  102. anonanners*

    My FAVORITE thing about working in SE Asia was having a full-time maid, stocked kitchen, and free lunch on the office. There were never arguments about who needed to clean what, or which spoon belonged to whom. Miss that.

    1. Betsy*

      Hmmmmm. I think it’s great that you got good benefits. But I’m not sure that’s so much a SE Asia thing, as a relatively wealthy person thing. Most of the expats I know here have professional jobs, but I don’t really know people who have maids or who get free lunches at work.

  103. GlamNonprofiteer*

    I live and work in Michigan but have spent a lot of time working in Texas with a consulting side hustle.

    * In Michigan, distance is expressed in minutes which equates to miles. Variances are ascribed to “OMG TRAFFIC” which, in reality, is rarely more than a 10% time delay. In urban Texas (think DFW, Houston, Austin), distance is expressed in minutes which rarely equates to miles.

    * In Michigan, rubes from the suburbs call it “the D”. People who live and work in Metro Detroit refer to the city as Detroit. There is a real different between being a Detroiter, a Detroitist and Detroitish. Woe betide someone who says they live in Detroit when in reality they live in Rochester Hills or Southfield (or worse) Novi. In Dallas, folks tend to say they live in Dallas when they really live in some no-name town about an hour’s drive away.

    * In Michigan, we call it Mexican food but unless you are in Southwest Detroit or one of a very few outposts of truly Mexican cuisine, you are eating Michigan Migrant Mexican and it’s covered in cheese. In Texas, they call it Tex-Mex and it is better than MichiMex except for Southwest Detroit because tacos.

    * In Michigan office culture, people are “Great Lakes nice” (we are NOT Midwestern, puhlease, those are the rectangle states out west) which means we’ll be nice to your face but stab you in the back when you’re out of the room. In Texas, people will “bless your heart” all over the place which means they are actively plotting your death. Family position, status and money matter far more in Texas than Michigan, where political power and connectivity are more important.

    * Sports culture is pervasive in many work spaces in Michigan. Fridays are usually a bit more casual and if MSU is playing U of M, attire denoting your allegiance is practically required. Beware, though of Walmart Wolverines which is what one calls people who did not attend U of M but for reasons which pass all understanding venerate the school. At the moment, I’m pretty sure most Spartan fans are not wearing their green and white because #LarryNassar. (I’m actually rather grateful to be able to say #GOSCOTS and avoid the controversy AT WORK. Privately, I’m a vocal supporter of the survivors.) In Texas, it’s high school football or death. (Yes, there’s a huge college rivalry there as well but holy heck at the office, it’s high school.)

    * In Michigan, work hours are 8am – 5pm (9am at my office because I’m the boss) and fairly strictly adhered to with “big accident on 94” an acceptable excuse for tardiness. In Texas, people tend to roll into work a lot later and work through lunches. Maybe it’s the heat? (I’ve never been in Dallas in the cold months so I’m talking about the April – November cycle.)

    Oh, and I helped plan a conference with a partner organization just across the US/Canadian border which included a lot of to-ing and fro-ing through the tunnel and/or over the bridge in order to plan the conference. The border guards looked a bit cranky with me when I explained that I was going to a meeting about a conference so the next time, I said I’d gone over for Timbits. The Canadian border agent laughed, agreed that the Canadian kind was best and wished me a good day!

      1. GlamNonprofiteer*

        I had that explained to me in extensive detail over lunch at Whataburger. I don’t recall the details but it seemed important and the burger was amazing.

    2. Julianne*

      I attribute my upbringing in Michigan to my inability to estimate length/distance in any situation. If you tell me to cut something into one inch pieces, I will have a brief panic attack and then run to get one of the rulers that I have stashed throughout my home and workplace. If you ask me how many miles it is from Point A to Point B, I will awkwardly change the subject, repeatedly, until you accept that I’m not going to even attempt to answer the question.

  104. Tuesday Next*

    For me in South Africa, the main difference seems to be that many of the US commenters here leap automatically to the assumption that whatever is going on has an underlying basis of sexism / racism or some other discrimination.

    Although we have casual and institutionalised sexism and racism (like any other country), it seems to be less top of mind as the probable cause for anything and everything. For example, I was recently told that I wasn’t being moved to a specific team because an influential individual on the team had objected. Nobody assumed that it was a sexism issue (although I would have been the first woman to join that team). It made sense to everyone that his issue was due to a conflict we’d had over a work issue. Happily that is since resolved.

    Similarly the… obsession… with which people focus on whether something is discriminatory, sometimes astounds me. Maybe it’s because of differences in legislation? But what is practical and sensible often seems irrelevant in the discussion.

    I’m guessing some people will object to my comments but this really is different than what I am used to.

    1. Lora*

      A significant part of it is that there is typically zero transparency in decision making here, and as people have noted in posts about the Midwest and Minnesota, people tend to be conflict-avoidant. In the US, you wouldn’t have been told why you weren’t going to the team, it would just be handed down as an edict you’d have to accept. You can certainly say to your boss, “being on that team is a professional goal for me, and can you give me some feedback on how could I improve my candidacy to be on the team in the future?” but it’s very likely that you might not get an answer at all. Or get a stupid answer that makes no sense. So now you have to parse the nonsense into what exactly happened, and quite often the answer is indeed sexism or racism.

      1. Weyrwoman*

        This!

        Re “stupid answer that makes no sense” – an internal spot I applied for, have quals for, and was denied for. I asked for feedback and was told that I didn’t have the quals, because really they wanted someone with X years experience, but hadn’t said that anywhere in their posting for the spot.

      2. Manders*

        Yes, there are a ton of unspoken rules and expectations about work in the US (which is a large part of the reason why this site exists, because so many people don’t know all these expectations and need a place to ask questions). So while we have a lot of laws about discrimination, we don’t have a lot of transparency about whether it’s happening, which means all people can do is speculate unless there’s something very overt going on. Plus, America is in the middle of a cultural watershed moment of awareness about sexual and racial harassment and discrimination, so it’s in the news 24/7 and it’s at the top of many people’s minds.

      1. Lissa*

        Not necessarily true. I know plenty of people of varying places of power who pay attention to these things less or more.

      2. Tuesday Next*

        However you want to define that term, it doesn’t affect my ability to observe and comment on how my colleagues respond to situations differently than what I’m seeing here.

        Okay with you?

    3. Natalie*

      I can’t comment on South Africa as I don’t live there but I have a hard time believing there’s no implicit bias, because that’s part of human nature.

      US commenters here are not representative of the country as a whole – in the actual workplace (in my experience at least) there’s much less conversation about institutional or implicit bias. The “at will” nature of most of our employment is probably a factor. When you can be fired at any time for any reason, a lot of people just keep their head down at work and don’t even bring up fairly egregious conduct, (See, the controller at my company who says “good girl” all the time, but is retiring in March so it’s not worth it to me to risk saying anything.)

      1. Tuesday Next*

        I didn’t say that there’s no implicit bias, of course there is.

        I said that most people don’t leap immediately to discrimination as the Reason for whatever has happened.

        Those are quite different things.

        1. thesoundofmusic*

          I am an American who lived in SA for several years just after apartheid. I have to say that I saw and heard far less overt racism there than I did in the US during that same time period. I saw many interracial couples, heard very direct and frank conversations among people of different races/ethnicities, and saw people working together pretty well. I was extremely surprised and heartened. Don’t know if it is still like that. I did think that women weren’t necessarily respected as they should have been.

          1. Tuesday Next*

            Johannesburg is pretty much as you describe.

            My work team at the moment is overwhelming male, but diverse in terms of race (black, white, Indian) and language (many). We work really well together and everyone shows respect to everyone else – without pretending that we’re all identical. Having a diverse team helps us build better products too.

    4. Lissa*

      That’s less a North American thing and more an…internet culture thing? Well, I think so anyway. It really seems to vary depending on who you’re talking to. In “real life” workplaces you get a huge variance of people thinking about this stuff from the person who assumes every slight is due to X (even when they aren’t even involved in the dispute), to the person who will argue that there’s no such thing as sexism. But I’ve never in my life seen the type of focus on this type of thing offline that I have when it’s a group of likeminded people online who love to analyse!

    5. doctor schmoctor*

      Another South African here.
      I noticed the same thing.
      I changed my name on this site after I was attacked for not understanding why the topic of a letter was a big deal. The general consensus here was that The Thing was an obvious example of victimisation etc. Meanwhile, in SA, it wouldn’t have been an issue at all.

      1. Tuesday Next*

        Howzit! :)

        I know what you mean; I’m sometimes hesitant to comment here because of how some people respond to opinions/perspectives not their own.

        And the lack of awareness that things can be different elsewhere.

        1. Lora*

          It’s like this: imagine you have some situation. It doesn’t actually matter what, let’s say the number of times someone applies for a promotion and doesn’t get it. You are not given an official reason why people do or don’t get promotions, and often the people competing for the promotion are identical in skills and education and accomplishment. Occasionally the person with less skills and accomplishments gets the promotion. In let’s say 30% of the instances, you eventually find out a reason through the rumor mill, which may or may not be correct. How many of those reasons have to be correct, and have to be discrimination, for you to become very suspicious of *every* promotion being due to discrimination? It’s not actually a lot, especially if the senior leadership of a company who has been with the organization for many many years has been found guilty of bad behavior and multiple instances of what is clearly bad behavior in an organization is ignored or rewarded.

          Agree 100% with things being different elsewhere; it makes me very sad that a lot of crappy behavior in people is written off as “well that’s just how (whatever group) are and you just have to accept that” when things ARE different elsewhere so clearly this is not inevitable and we can do better. People don’t want to take responsibility for being a-holes though, is what it is.

        2. Lissa*

          Totally understand, Tuesday Next – there are a lot of people who think that if your feeling on a matter is different from theirs that you need to be educated/lectured because you don’t understand. As well as a bunch of people who will immediately leap to “oh, you couldn’t possibly have experienced Y if you don’t react to it the same way I do.” TBH 90% of the time if my opinion goes strongly against the majority I just don’t say anything.

          1. Tuesday Next*

            Thank you for this Lissa.

            Those who feel they need to educate you often consider themselves very liberal and open minded. They’re only open minded if you agree with them.

            We’re here to discuss and learn, not pass judgement and invalidate each others’ experiences and opinions.

  105. Koala dreams*

    I’m in Sweden. It’s very interesting to read about different cultures, especially how things changes from place to place within countries.

    Beverages: generally, coffee is the most popular beverage. A fancy office would have a fancy coffee machine that also makes hot water and chocolate, otherwise there would be a coffee pot. Where I work we just have a hot water kettle and add instant coffee or a teabag, if you want anything else you’d bring it yourself. It’s common to have morning and afternoon coffee breaks, 15-30 minutes each. You can go fetch coffee/make tea in between if you want to, coffee breaks are for chatting with colleagues, eating cake (often a cinnamon flat long-shaped bun or bun ring shared among people) as well as drinking coffee/tea.
    Water coolers are rare, usually people just drink tap water. Fancy places have drinking taps with the choice of carbonated and non-carbonated drinking water.

    I don’t recognize the thing about not having a work phone anymore, usually people have work phones, they can be landline or mobile phones depending on the office.

    Unlike Germany, July instead of August is the typical vacation month. Some places close down the entire site in July and make everybody take their vacation, but often you have staggered vacation from June to August, with some summer temps to make sure the office is open all summer.

  107. MassMatt*

    I’m in the Northeastern US, and worked for many years in a call center taking calls from all over the country. What I thought were just stereotypes turned out to have at least a grain of truth to them, in general. Southerners and most midwesterners were more polite, and also slower-talking. I’m a fast talker and often was asked to slow down. Pacific Northwest and the west coast generally were pretty similar to the NE. Oh, Southerners could really start dropping F-bombs and get furious if pushed too far. Definitely more religious sign-offs to the calls from the south, “have a blessed day” was common. People in New York City were impatient, time-is-money types, my reaction to some of them was probably much like southerner reactions to me.

    Oh and Hawaiians–they very often wanted to know where I was located, far more than anyone else, and on hearing it was not Hawaii there was a definite cooling off, some people would ask is there anyone in Hawaii I could talk to? Sorry, we cannot staff a call centers in each of the 50 states.

  108. Plague of frogs*

    I was amazed and thrilled in Morocco to see two on-duty male police officers holding hands.

    1. Tuesday Next*

      It’s pretty common in Africa for heterosexual men to hold hands with their male friends. There’s a lot more touchy feely stuff.

  109. Glomarization, Esq.*

    Elevators in Philadelphia are ladies-first. That is, men will back away a little bit to let ladies on and off the elevator before they do. In my own field, it’s amusing every fall to see the new crop of young people figuring this out when they’re newly arrived to their high-rise jobs from business or law school.

  110. blah*

    I lived in Pakistan for a lot of my life including some of my professional life, and recently moved to the US. Here’s what I noticed:

    1. Seniority, and respect for authority is HUGE to a stifling degree. Depending on the company, people may even stand up for the CEO/ED when they enter the room. This obv also affects decision making, and how you share out decisions.
    2. Indirectness is a way of life embedded into conversation. It’s something I’ve had to learn to undo once I moved here because people just don’t respond to it well here, and its lead to some miscommunication. Saying things directly, offering direct criticism can be taken very poorly, so you have to find nice, roundabout ways of suggesting change or making critiques.
    3. Niceties, formalities. It’s a thing. If you go on holiday, you bring gifts back, if you go out to lunch, you need to ask everyone in your department if they want to join, if you are going for a walk with a friend, it’s rude not to ask others to join if they’re around.

  111. Pearl*

    We do an annual exchange with an American university (I’m in the UK), and one year I got to share my office with a lovely woman from Philadelphia for a couple of weeks. While she was here, there was an office scandal because someone used the Tea Club subscription money to buy Inferior Teabags (supermarket own brand instead of Yorkshire Tea), and put them in the unmarked tea tin in the office kitchen. People were outraged (several people initially thought their tea-making skills had lapsed), and my boss produced a stash of emergency teabags for our team to use during the crisis. It was the only topic of conversation in our office all week, and our American visitor found the whole thing so stereotypically British that she thought we’d staged it for her benefit. We hadn’t.

    1. Language Student*

      I really feel for those who thought their tea-making skills had lapsed. I regularly get complimented on how I make a great cup of tea, and I would *not* be happy if I thought I suddenly had lost all my tea-making skills. It’s a stupidly important point of pride.

    2. Dame Edna*

      I had no idea there was something to do other than boiling water and putting a tea bag in it. I must Google this.

        1. zora*

          This is how EVERYONE in my building makes tea in the shared kitchen (in the US) and it drives me crazy. I want to scream WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!?!

          Especially since we have a really nice hot water machine, so it’s so easy to just pour the water right over the tea bag, you don’t have to wait for a kettle or anything!

          1. oranges & lemons*

            I have pretty entrenched tea-making habits, but one of my goals for the year is to transition to making looseleaf tea in a tea pot. My tea rituals want to expand.

        2. Sonya*

          Yeah… tea bag string gets wrapped around the handle and the bag sits in the tea.

          … Is… Is that not how everyone else makes a cuppa?

          1. Elle*

            You put the teabag (which on a British office probably doesn’t have a string) in the cup then add water.

  112. Silly in Retrospect*

    My husband worked very very long hours when we were in Slovenia before a coworker gently told him about the expectation he manage his own time, completely. He’d been told to get there at seven and worked a little apart from everyone else, so around three or four he’d pop over and see everyone else still working…a few ten and twelve hour days later, he found out seven am was one random person’s start time they set for themselves, and he could come and go as he pleased provided he got everything done.

    Holiday scheduling was weird too. No one gives any consideration to Jews there, and we weren’t accustomed to three and four week long vacations.

    Even the dogs on the street were very self contained. Only place I saw people walk their cats with no leash or concern. If you tried to ask about a dog, people would be horrified and kind of hide the dog from you. Back stateside, I have been known to squeal “its a Corgi!” in front of other adults, soooo

  113. Language Student*

    According to my textbooks and German tutors, putting your marital status on your CV is totally normal in German-speaking countries, which isn’t a thing in the UK as far as I know. This is something I just can’t get my head around. Why would prospective employers need to know that? I can see it being relevant once you’re hired, but before then?

    1. Thlayli*

      I think that’s probably something to do with titles. Germans are very into titles. And the titles are different for married and non-married.
      I once stayed in a hotel in Germany and put my title as “Dr” on the form on the website. They actually emailed me to find out if it was “dr Mrs” or “dr mr”. Before I even got to the hotel. I have no idea why they make such a big deal about it, but it seems very important to them to use the title that is correct.

      1. Ganymede*

        I met an American lady living in the UK who used to live in Germany. She and her husband were both doctors (PhD). She said she was always addressed as Frau Doktor Brown, and felt it was always her husband’s doctorate that they were referring to (because if you were a Mrs married to a Dr you would also be called Frau Doktor Brown, like Anne of Green Gables became Mrs Doctor Blythe).

        If there is a professorship involved, you can end up being Frau Doktor Professor Brown.

  114. The Green Lawintern*

    Omiyage culture in Japan! If you go on a trip (for any reason, work or personal) you’re expected to bring back edible, individually wrapped goodies for your office-mates. I used to hoard them in my desk drawer for emergency snacking.

  115. WonderingHowIGotHere*

    I know I’m a little late to the party, but am I right in thinking that for at least some companies in the US, you get an actual check (cheque) for your wages, to pay into your bank yourself, or get actual cash?
    This has occurred to me because I lurked on a different forum that got side-tracked by the Bank of America starting to charge for their current account unless there was a monthly deposit of $250 a month, which really doesn’t seem like a lot of money, but some of the commenters there were outraged that after they had cashed their check and paid bills, they didn’t have $250 left to deposit. (Unless this is just bad money management on their part).

    1. Weyrwoman*

      It really depends on the company. Most companies these days offer direct deposit, where they don’t send paper checks or cash, and instead just have an amount directly dropped into your bank account.

      HOWEVER. The BoA outrage has a lot to with poverty – the people that would be most effected by the BoA charges often work under-the-table jobs that pay in cash up front, or in jobs that don’t have consistent pay, or in jobs that pay them less because they’re immigrants/not-white/don’t-have-a-degree.

    2. puzzld*

      Over the last 7 years or so I have been hiring in home caregivers for my mother. We pay a competitive wage with the various home health agency and nursing homes. We don’t pay under the table. Most of our dozen or so caregivers have worked part time averaging $250-300 a week. Many of them haven’t even had a bank account. We pay them by check and I’d wager that most of them don’t have $100 a month left to deposit anywhere. I’d love to hire a couple of full time helpers rather than the 3,4, or 5 part timers, but that doesn’t seem to be what the employees want. They mostly have other commitments and like the flexibility of part time hours.

      1. Elle*

        The thing I’m confused about is why they aren’t depositing the cheque in their bank account then either using a debit card or withdrawing cash to pay their bills.

        It just seems so alien as a brit, where almost everyone is paid directly onto their bank account.

    3. miyeritari*

      Sometimes, especially for blue collar or low-income workers, you’re paid with a check/cheque. Then, instead of going to the bank to deposit your check and then paying for things with your card associated with the bank account, you go a check cashing store (where you hand them the check and they give you the cash straight up), and then you use the CASH to pay for stuff – this is especially useful if you’re buying stuff under the table. Only after you’ve done all that paying do you go to the bank and deposit the rest. So, yes, if that’s your strategy, you could not have $250 left after.

      Or, of course, you’re paid in cash.

    4. WonderingHowIGotIntoThis*

      OK, thanks for the info – I had no context for the outrage. I get that waitstaff get cash tips, and I appreciate that this could’ve meant the rest of their (meagre) wages would likely be paid in cash too; but it was the physical check/cheque that was confusing me.

      1. Rumple Fugly*

        Since the bank charges companies a small fee to deposit funds directly into an employee’s account, many companies refuse to do it and instead issue a paper check which the employee has to take to the bank to deposit themselves.

  116. Region-hopper*

    I stumbled on a small idiosyncrasy within different regions of the US. I am from the east coast, but generally consider myself from “The South” (I grew up in Southwestern Virginia), which is stereotypically known for being open and chatty. My first jobs out of college were in Southwestern Virginia, and then I moved to the mountain west (specifically: Albuquerque, New Mexico). While I am regarded here on the east coast (I’m now in the DC-Metro area) as chatty, outgoing, and fairly informal in my office in New Mexico my manager actually pulled me aside to address behavior he’d seen from me that folks were interpreting as “cold” “standoffish” and “not a team player.” Apparently, an Assistant Dean at the university where I worked had actually come to talk to him about my bad attitude. The behaviors my manager at the time cited were things like not speaking to folks every time I passed them in the halls, or not building a little bit of time to chat with folks I passed into most of my runs to/from the copying machine. I know that’s just one office’s culture – but I do think it stemmed from a general regional difference in what “polite office culture” looked like. While I was really taken aback at the time, that was really a great lesson in what and how to pay attention (and react) to the culture of the office around you.

  117. kible*

    I think the closest thing to UK tea time that my office in the US as (and maybe other places do) is the afternoon “coffee run”. Sometimes it happens in the morning if people didn’t stop on the way in, or both times if it’s a super stressful day. Someone decides to get coffee and will tell their teammates or friends in the office, and get a group together or take an order and some cash, and go to the nearest Wawa/Dunkin/7-11/etc. for a to-go cup (or to fill up their store thermos!)

  118. Dame Edna*

    I live in the Southwestern United States. It wouldn’t be unusual for a complete stranger to show up at my workplace (or any workplace here) with a cooler full of homemade burritos for sale. Or sell them out of a pickup truck in the grocery store parking lot. We buy and eat them, because even though we know there’s a possibility we could get sick, the burritos are usually fantastic–much better than what’s served in restaurants.

    More than a few families here have earned enough to start a restaurant this way.

    1. KatiePie*

      That’s a good example! I couldn’t think of anything I’d call a regional peculiarity, but this is clearly one. I’m in California and have definitely worked in multiple offices where there would be weekly peddlers of tamales/tortillas–which were of course better than anything you could get in a store, so you always made sure to have cash on hand if you intended to buy some that day.

      Also, peddlers of fresh strawberries. Way better than anything in the grocery store because they were probably picked today or yesterday. (Though the stuff in our stores is still better than any stores outside the state.)

  119. Traveling Teacher*

    Well, I work in France, though I’ve never worked in an office in France (immigrant from the US to France a decade ago). I have taught in many, many schools here.

    In France, it is acceptable to wear nearly anything to teach in, especially if you’re teaching in elementary/primary school, but this also applies to universities I’ve worked at. Miniskirts, completely ripped up jeans, wild tights (60+ year old colleagues too, not just young teachers!), dirty hair, designer fashions from the 80s, I could go on. No one would even bat an eye, but they would definitely comment on your style if you wore something out of character for you, though most people wear a ton of black/dark tones in the winter if not year round and will always comment if you consistently wear colors. It was one of the first things I noticed, as I expected everyone to look as if they’d stepped out of a fashion magazine, while the reality is more, “You do you.”

    Also, if you eat lunch at a school, it’s a very good move to pass around a new treat or food “pour gouter” (to taste) to your colleagues. The French love tasting the newest flavors–chocolate, cheese, an interesting recipe…

    They love to talk about their upcoming vacations, and they also love to dramatically declare that they need a break “une pose”, whether that’s for a coffee break or another vacation. Or a smoke break. Smoking is still very much a thing here, though people are starting to “vapote” (vape) in droves to try to quit.

    Protesting is a huge thing here (obviously), and teachers can take time off (paid to varying percentages or unpaid, depending on the protest/cause/union) to take to the streets. Generally, you don’t get a sub for those occasions, so either the children will be redistributed into other classes or stay at home for the day. For example, teachers sometimes protest in solidarity with other government unions (postal workers, retirement policies that affect most people), and entire schools I worked at were shut for a couple of days when the teachers protested a discriminatory change to some standardized testing.

    Also, teachers have a great schedule here: 6-8 weeks teaching, two weeks off, repeat for the rest of the school year. It’s great for catching up on lesson plans/grading, plus being able to take an actual break! When my parents ask me whether I’ll ever move back to teach in the US, I just laugh!

    1. Julianne*

      That sounds amazing. How do I get a job like that? (Seriously – I’m a licensed teacher in the U.S.)

      1. Traveling Teacher*

        There are more and more bilingual schools/sections in France, even in the public sector, so I’d say that your best bet is to just start applying! Often, bilingual/native speaker required jobs aren’t filled here until the last minute, too, so your chances are really very good if you start applying in February/March and you make it clear that you will relocate the second you get hired. The one thing that makes it difficult for non-EU people to get a job here is that employers are required to pay a special tax on any non-EU workers they hire, but because of Brexit, this is all going to change in our favor! (Though, I feel really sorry for my British colleagues!) There were several jobs in the past that I didn’t get (even though the principal fought to hire me) because a French person applied and, though less qualified, got the job. Frustrating, though I will say that it kept me moving through schools, gaining experience and tons of references, and eventually led to teaching at a university!

        A really good way to find such positions is to look for “Americans Abroad” groups in different cities and ask directly through sending an email to the group. Often, there are many teachers/parents in the groups who know of open positions. In the South of France and Paris, you’ll have more competition, obviously, but in my experience, in the Northern half of France, there are tons of positions available with much less competition, even in the cities.

        If you’re under 30 and/or if you are looking to study (master’s/PhD) concurrently with working, a good position to look for is as a “lecteur/lectrice d’anglais” at universities (those do tend to get filled quite quickly, though, so apply as soon as you can). Those are created specifically for younger, native English-speaking teachers to help them get a foot in the door of higher ed, especially for people who are working on a degree. It’s a contract for one year, renewable once, so a limit of two years max (but by that time, if you’re a good teacher, they will probably want to hire you on for teaching hours and/or know plenty of people who would). Also! Most of the time, it’s all conversation-based, which means no grading papers. Ever. It was my dream job! Mine was a full time position (12 teacher hours/week, 20 half hour groups every week, switching on a bi-weekly basis, so roughly 40 groups total). Gave me plenty of time to do other teaching work on the side. I’m fairly certain that similar programs exist in other European countries, too, so depending on what language(s) you speak, it’s something to look into!

        Otherwise, international schools and bilingual sections of public and private schools are always looking for good people. If you teach a subject like math/sciences, you are in high demand, just like everywhere (and, if it’s a school serving an English-learning student body, ideally have some experience with CBL, though just a TEFL certification or relevant experience is often fine), though qualified professionals for any subject are in demand. The thing is, sometimes it’s a full-time contract, but much of the time, especially in high school/higher ed, it’s an hourly contract for a certain number of hours (18-20 hours of teaching is considered FT in France). But, you can have very good luck applying for long-term sub positions through the Réctorat d’Académie to make up the difference if you don’t have enough hours or, if you are located in a decent-sized/major city, you can also teach private lessons for a nice price.

        If you don’t have a full-time contract, you have to put up with searching for multiple jobs, but I would say that it’s worth it for the benefits (lesson planning expectations are so much more reasonable here–you don’t have to turn in a year’s worth of lesson plans, for example, and they don’t have to include lots of extra busy work. Most of the time, I verbally told my supervisor/principal what I was working on with the students, and that was just fine. Your mileage may vary, of course). I found the policies and expectations for teachers to be so much more reasonable here than they are in the States, overall. The one major difference is that the students are accustomed to being yelled at by their teachers to get them to behave, which is something I do not believe in and don’t do.

        Or, if you’re under thirty, definitely look in to the http://www.ciep.fr/en/foreign-language-assistants-in-france program. You don’t need to be a qualified teacher to get in to the program, but it is a perfect way to get yourself over here to start making contacts for the next year/semester, and your (low) salary qualifies you for housing assistance (I paid 45 euros/month for a tiny little room in a cité for young workers. Water and electric included, total salary 800/month, though it’s higher in Paris and the DOM/TOM), plus, your healthcare is basically free. So if you’re frugal, it’s actually quite a good situation to start saving/paying off student loans! If you apply early (ie: as soon as you can!), you have a great chance of getting your pick of locations, as you are a qualified teacher. Caveat: you must speak at least some French to qualify for the program! It’s perhaps not ideal for a fully-qualified teacher, but the contacts I made while working in this position were invaluable while finding next jobs, plus, I met my now-husband!

        Well, that was longer than expected, but I hope it’s helpful if teaching in France is something you’re interested in!

  120. Marlene*

    Goodness, what a great thread!

    I lived in Japan for several years. Although I was a teacher and didn’t work in an “office,” I went to the bank, city hall, Immigration, etc.

    Several differences, big and small!!
    – Women are definitely of an inferior status. They are certainly the ones cleaning the kitchen and even the men’s rooms. It doesn’t matter what position they hold relative to male coworkers.
    -Most places have uniforms. Yep, walk into the bank and they’re all wearing one! Not just a vest, either. The whole outfit. Women wear skirts. Hair and make-up are very conservative. Men are clean-shaven. (Fun aside – I was hired to sell baked goods outside of a French bakery and was supplied with my entire outfit, including shoes and panty hose. And I got to take home whatever I wanted from the bakery in addition to my pay!)
    -They know how to do customer service over there! The consumer is the most important part of business and is treated like royalty!
    -Teamwork is the name of the game!
    -If you want the best job, you’d better have come from the best colleges, and the race for that starts at birth.
    -Discrimination on the basis of race and country of origin is completely legal and very commonplace.
    -The workplace is extremely hierarchical. Top-down, everyone knows his/her place. The language would spin your head because there are differing levels of formality dependent on who is conversing with whom.

    1. Tuesday Next*

      In South Africa there are many places like banks that have uniforms, but that’s often because people in poorly paid jobs can’t afford a nice work wardrobe. The uniform makes it easier. Most of our schools have uniforms for the same reason.

      1. Language Student*

        Same in the UK, if you’re customer-facing, you wear a uniform even in banks. They usually pay minimum wage or a little above minimum wage for the “customer representative” style jobs, too.

  121. Colleen*

    OK. A few things:

    *While working in China, it took some getting used to that no one said anything to me after I sneezed. In the US, it is almost rude to not say something (like, God Bless you). I grew to like it.
    *In Singapore, when I walked down hallways, I always ran into people until I realized that, just as we drove on different sides of the street, we walked on different sides of the hallway, too.
    *In Brazil and Switzerland, I was surprised at the number of times we went to the machine for little cups of really strong coffee. In fact, if I didn’t plan time in my agenda for these visits, I would fall behind.
    *In Mexico, our entire facility shut down and everyone gathered in various areas to watch the World Cup (soccer) when the Mexican team was playing.
    *In my office in the upper Midwest of the US, our building spans about 10 city blocks, so it has become common for meetings to be held via phone or Skype instead of everyone having to walk to a conference room. Even though we are in the same building!

    1. Lissa*

      I want to go to China. I hate the sneezing acknowledgement. Because when I sneeze once there’s probably going to 8 more, and it gets awkward/annoying to have someone trying to comment on each one…ugh please stop, I very probably feel miserable and grumpy during this sneezing attack!

      1. sacados*

        It’s the same way in Japan and at first it was really hard to break myself of that reflex and just do nothing when someone sneezed. Now I love it tho

  122. spegasi*

    From Mexico:
    *We have some important dates that aren’t national holidays (like Día de Muertos, Mother’s Day, Día de la Virgen) but most work places give the day off and if your office doesn’t it pisses a lot of people off.
    *When there is a World Cup everyone stops working to watch the important matches even if you hate soccer.
    *Its super normal for women to do their make up at their desks or on the subway, from assistants to high directors.
    *Okay this isn’t cultural but we do have a pretty long maternity leave, if you play your cards correctly it can be up to 80 business days and we hold baby showers at the office.
    *If you are really young or young looking everyone will call you by your name in diminutive( eg, if your name is Esther they will call you Esthercita)
    *A lot of people party with the bosses like hard we were so drunk I danced with my boss and its like…okay? I didn’t realize this wasn’t a thing in other places until I read the blog.
    *We don’t do phone interviews. Its not a thing. Don’t know why.
    *This might be me but all my office says hi with cheek kisses, even my bosses and yesterday when my boss said good bye after she quit to be with her baby she hugged us all and told us very nice things.

  123. PCV*

    Peace Corps Volunteer working in a Pacific Island country: I’m still getting used to mandatory meetings scheduled 30 minutes before they start. Many, many things are planned (and pulled off) at the last minute.

    1. Julianne*

      Ahhhhhh! RPCV Namibia here! In three years, I never once attended any meeting or function that started less than 1 hour late. Longest delay I ever experienced was 4 hours, for the opening ceremony of a conference I organized. (The deputy regional governor was supposed to speak, and clearly we couldn’t start without her.)

  124. Noah*

    I’ve worked in similar types of offices in three different areas: the SF Bay area, Philadelphia and Madison, Wisconsin. There were no meaningful differences in office culture (vs. general societal culture) between SF and Philly. In Madison, people thought it was weird if you didn’t take an hour to go out to lunch. Otherwise, not much different there, either.

  125. Andy*

    Australian here, working in broadcast TV. It’s probably due to combining those two cultures, that so many things I read on here that horrifies people just makes me think, “please. That’s a Tuesday here.”

    I work in the kind of place where, when the boss went on maternity leave, a female coworker close to her baked and decorated a cake that included a baby’s head… coming out…

    I love my workplace.

    1. Princess Cimorene*

      lmao oh goodness i hate those cakes! I hate any baby shaped cake,but THOSE… well they… take the cake…

      1. Andy*

        Haha everyone had a laugh, but I can appreciate that it wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Or cake…

    2. Lissa*

      I know what you mean about reading things that horrify people, talk about how their jaw dropped and they gasped out loud etc, they’d consider it assault, etc (stuff like the tickling letter!) and I’m just like “oh yeah that happened twice a week when I worked in restaurants.”

  126. BTDT*

    Another (former) expat in Korea here. I see the binge drinking with coworkers thing was already mentioned (definitely the biggest difference). The other things I noticed right away:
    -It was totally normal to take a nap at your desk. People would eat their lunch as quickly as possible in order to nap the rest of their lunch hour.
    -after every meal everyone would brush their teeth. Since everyone ate at the same time (highly regulated hours) everyone brushed their teeth together too. At our big office people kept their brushes/paste at their desks but at our smaller office people left them in the bathroom like you would at home.
    -at Korean thanksgiving it was expected that the company give all the employees gifts. My first year it was a box of toiletries – shampoo, toothpaste and brushes, soap. 2nd year it was a massive box of tuna fish cans. People LOVED it.

    1. Tuesday Next*

      I would love to be able to take a nap at my desk :) I could do it here, but people would point and laugh.

  127. Rose*

    Do not expect a Kentuckian to get any work done during the week of Derby.

    Even the judges on the rural counties get mad at attorneys who try and schedule hearings and trials in the later half of the week.

    Louisville practically shuts down in terms of corporate offices, law offices, etc.

    The only people who work are in the service industry, healthcare, etc. or those who work for the feds.

    Not being from here, I was shocked my first Oaks-Derby week. People literally do get unofficial vacation.

  128. Princess Cimorene*

    I can’t even dive into the responses because:
    (This was definitely not the weirdest thing about that office, but it was one of the more acceptable for a public forum.)

    Is all I am thinking about and am super curious and wanting to know what else happened! LOL. We’ve had the duck club quack quack, I think there’s not much that we can’t discuss here!! LMAO.

  129. Margaret*

    I just finished a one year gig in Ghana, and BOY OH BOY was the office culture different from my North American home. (caveat- I only worked in one office, so these are just from what I know of my team/heard echoes from other foreign workers while I was there and aren’t universal generalizations.) The lackadaisical attitude to scheduling and timekeeping was something I was braced for, but what I didn’t expect was the emphasis on protocol and formality. Whenever the Big Boss came around you had to stop everything and go and greet him nicely and send him on his way with a box of cookies and several water bottles. One time we were having a ceremony honouring youth who had graduated from a program, only he turned up and took about a quarter of the snacks for himself (like to take them AWAY in a PLASTIC BAG) leaving the program honorees with nothing at their own graduation ceremony.

    The other big difference was email culture- hyyyyper formal. And replying (all) was mandatory. A message would come out with some basic information and the entire team would write back Noted With Thanks. Or if you emailed asking a question you’d immediately get a “Thank you for your email. Will review and revert to you.” Usually after that you wouldn’t hear back until the third or so follow up, though that may have just been our office.

    2. working abroad*

      American in SE Asia here–yes to the email protocol and formality!!! I’m in a whatsapp group chat and everything is responded to with “noted”

  130. anonynice*

    In Japan, passing out on your desk means you’re a hard worker who doesn’t sleep enough at home!

    Also, getting smashed with your co-workers is obligatory at least a few times a year or you aren’t a team player really.

  131. Dee*

    I moved to the UK from Australia to work night shifts at a media company. I cycled to work and when I loudly proclaimed one night in the first week that I had forgotten my pants I was met with silence and then roaring laughter. Pants are underwear in the UK, knickers are pants. I think. Stuff keeps changing.

  132. blondein_tokyo*

    I work in Tokyo for a large electronics conglomerate. The company has its own company song, and every morning at 8:50 sharp it plays over the loudspeaker and everyone stands up to do stretches.

    We also have obligatory drinking sessions (which everyone generally enjoys) with karaoke. It’s typical company culture in Japan to get roaringly drunk with bosses and co-workers, and the next day everyone pretends none of the silly or embarassing things happened. You can throw up in the street and no one will mention it. In a stuffy, conservative, rigidly hierarchical company (as Japanese companies tend to be) drinking is the only way you can let lose and vent your frustrations without worry that your superiors will hold it against you. This culture is so ingrained that criminals will get lesser sentences if they were drunk and “can’t remember” the crime. The idea being, what you do when drunk is the fault of the alcohol. It’s quite interesting.

  133. working abroad*

    SE Asia. Official start time is 9, but people roll in anytime between 9 and 10. They usually take an hour or so to eat their breakfast/drink coffee/socialize. Lunch is from 12:30 to 2, then tea in the afternoon for about an hour. People leave around 6. I’ve noticed even if they’ve finished their work for the day they will still sit at their desk and watch TV/play on their phone until 6.

    Smoking in meetings. I have to meet with a lot of gov’t officials and it is customary for everyone who smokes to put their cigs on the table. The gov’t official will then choose from the packs offered which he wants and light up, then everyone else follows suit. Snacks and drinks (coffee or tea) during meetings are ubiquitous.

    Male dominated. I’m in a Muslim-majority country and a lot of men I have to meet with for business won’t shake my hand or look me in the eye, preferring to deal with my male coworkers even if I’m the project manager. This has been the hardest thing to which I need to adjust. My coworkers insist it is a sign of respect, but it feels so disrespectful. Also, it is frowned upon if I have to do any sort of heavy lifting. Once we needed barricades moved so I asked me team to move them ourselves and grabbed one, but all of the men almost had a heart attack at the idea of me carrying it. Coming from a labor-heavy TV production background where if something needs to get done you just do it yourself, it drives me crazy.

    No one arrives or leaves on time. If a meeting is scheduled at noon, you’re lucky if everyone trickles in by 1 PM. There is a joke here that the only time work gets done is in meetings. It is true! I may submit a list of questions I need answered to a gov’t office on Monday, but I won’t get answers until I meet with them on Thursday and go down my list one-by-one. Even then, they’ll often just refer me to another office or give me a phone number to follow up on, so I have to re-submit and meet with them. It seems like no one wants to be responsible for making an executive decision lest something go wrong and the lose face…lots of bureaucracy and passing the buck.

    Strange (to an American) customs. We were planning an outdoor event and every time I addressed a bad weather contingency plan, they explained to me that they had a weather engineer that would handle it. I thought they were joking for a solid week, until a coworker explained that they actually had a shaman-esque religious figure that would come and chant at the venue the day before the event and it would keep the bad weather away. Of course, it is rainy season here so that didn’t actually work and when it rained they asked me what my plan for rain was–maddening!

    1. Lora*

      OK, the weather engineer thing is cracking me up. At first I thought, the weather engineer’s job is to provide a tent or umbrellas, sort of like audio-visual technicians helping with the projector and they’ve given him a glorified engineer title. But no, it’s a magic spell…which didn’t work. Did they hire the dude back for another event?

    3. Godzilla the Kitty*

      Sounds like you’re in Brunei, Indonesia or Malaysia!
      I’m from Singapore myself and we’re a funny mix of high-tech modern global city + traditions and superstitions –
      most people know the traditions about ghosts and shamans etc even if they don’t believe in them. So at my current workplace, we have an anti-rain ritual for our annual outdoor event where someone buries chilis somewhere on the grounds. (Traditionally it’s supposed to be done by a virgin boy, apparently, but we’re 80% women and 20% married men, so…)

  134. UK Nerd*

    Given the amount of birthday cake related drama that seems to go on in American offices (based on the posts I’ve read here), I’m thankful to be in the UK, where we bring in our own birthday cakes.

    I used to read Etiquette Hell, and one reason I stopped is that I couldn’t get over the site owner’s absolute insistence that it’s rude to organise your own birthday party. I eventually concluded there must be some fundamental cultural difference in how the US treats birthday parties to how most of Europe does it.

    1. Blue Anne*

      Eh, I dunno. My Scottish ex-husband insisted that I should organize his 30th birthday party (after he told me exactly what he wanted and when I should do it) even though we were going through our divorce at that time. Because people should NOT organize their own birthday parties. Apparently.

      I mean he was a jerk in other ways, but I’m American and he’s Scottish, and we had opinions the reverse of your experience.

  135. Sneffy*

    I moved from coastal Australia to a rural area. When I told my manager that I had seen venomous spiders around my office, I was told to leave them alone because they ate the other, worse spiders.

    1. Traveling Teacher*

      “…because they ate the other, worse spiders.”

      O.O Worse spiders? Worse than venomous spiders?! I don’t think I could work in rural Australia!

    3. Not really into spiders*

      THIS. Working in outback Australia, I discovered an infestation of venomous spiders. My boss advised me to get an[other type of spider] to manage the population. It was good advice and it worked, but I am still amazed that the solution for spiders could ever be more spiders.

  136. Emily*

    Working as a account manager in UK while being originally from South Africa was a bit different. I was brought up to be direct and I don’t know if that’s a SA cultural thing but I found the tea thing alarming … I have my tea milky and when one of my co workers saw my tea all hell broke loose .. and a fight broke out between 4 different people in the break out room over my tea. I sat back and watched while people are hotly discussing which goes first milk or hot water and then on to acceptable tea colour … baffling

    Then in the middle of everything getting bit heated (over tea?!), my manager popped his head around the door and I thought he was going to break up this argument but instead commented on the weather and told everyone to wrap up warm (really ?).

    Everyone promptly shuffled away and the incident was renamed “Teagate”, I couldn’t quite rap my head around the fact my manager hadn’t just told them to cut it out, instead avoided the problem and directed to the weather. I have found people aren’t as direct as they are in SA, in the UK fair amount of deflecting language is through politeness or not answering the original question and hoping they wont be asked the question again.

    Drives me banana’s, if you can do it just tell me not “I will come back to you on that “= which actually means no and I will hide from you never to respond again.

  137. Canadian in Ireland*

    I’m Canadian and I live in Ireland, there are a few funny things:

    1. If you’re getting tea/coffee you must ask and get everyone tea and or coffee. I work directly with about 15 people. Someone else will volunteer to help, and then two people will make 15 cups of tea. This takes up a large part of my day, and no I’m not an admin or anyone that would ‘typically’ get tea. The CEO also will take his turn. Getting your own tea and not offering others tea is the height of rudeness.

    2. Everyone eats breakfast and lunch together. I start at 8:30am. At 9am we go for breakfast in the canteen. We come back at 9:45, we work until 12:30, then we go for lunch until 1:30.

    I don’t know how we’re a massive successful Fortune 500 company when we spend so much time eating food and getting tea, but here we are.

    1. ALadyfromBrazil*

      Probably because this kind of things make people happier and happy people have more productivity even if they work less hours in a day. :)

    2. Katie*

      That I had in the UK. Not only you should offer tea for everyone, it is also expected for you to remember everybody’s preferences (I’ve actually written them down) as for how strong that tea should be, how many spoons of sugar and how much milk. That was a tough part. But also kind of fun :)

  138. Gigi*

    I worked in Spain for one summer and it’s common practice to send everyone home to take a nap (a siesta) around 2 o’clock and then to reopen for a few hours at 5. I was helping out at a summer school and we would finish for the day around 1:30. The lessons were cooking (they had to make whatever was to be eaten for lunch), art, English and “P.E.” (i.e. swimming to cool down). Businesses don’t have siestas during the colder months, as the reason for having a siesta is to try and avoid the hottest parts of the day.

  139. thesoundofmusic*

    When I worked in South Africa, we had the tea/sandwich ladies who came around with a cart to offer tea and sandwiches.

  140. Trillion*

    I’m American but went to visit our Italian office for a week a few months ago.

    I thoroughly enjoyed the frequent coffee breaks. The whole team would get up, go into the kitchen, and make espresso. They’d stand around and chat for 15 minutes while sipping from their tiny cups. They even let me have a go at making it (apparently non of the America visitors had ever tried to learn to use the machine!).

    Before I went, my boss’s boss’s warned me it would be pretty rude to decline going with the group, even for non-coffee drinkers.

    Admittedly it made work a little slower, but I got to know my Italian counterparts very quickly compared to the months and months it took to get friendly with my fellow American coworkers when I started. Standing around chatting around a cup of coffee back home gets me dirty looks from the boss and makes me feel like a slacker.

  141. oleander*

    Late to this party, but I’ve got to share one.
    I worked at a university in Kazakhstan for a year. The workplace norms were so startlingly different. Most memorable to me was that staff members like administrators, administrative asssitants, and teaching assistants were expected to be sitting at their desks for certain hours every day *no matter what.* But the sitting there was the important part. If you had nothing to do, it was perfectly acceptable to lay your head on your desk and doze. No reason to look at your computer screen alertly to keep up the appearnace or working or being ready to work. No stigma about it at all.

  142. SquirrelGirl*

    Canadian transplant to Glasgow, and let me tell you:
    1.Everyone says hello and goodbye whether they’re in your team or not. Except Scott the janitor, who says ‘awright pal’ to everyone at least twice a day as he cruises past to raid our team’s snack bin.
    2. There are multiple snack bins, everyone contributes, and everyone asks if anyone wants the last cookie etc. before eating it. Except Scott. He once ate a slice of carrot cake that my boss had had her eye on and World War 3 nearly erupted. Armistice was declared when he bought her a packet of bakewell pies to make up.
    3. Everyone gets a birthday card and a small gift. Even the interns and the temp who have only been with us for 2 days. Scott mysteriously always appears with the mail when we bring out the birthday cake.
    4. The most important part of induction is the tea- making facilities for which there will literally always be a queue. It’s the height of rudeness to jump ahead, the unspoken law is that you just have to wait, and make small talk with whoever else happens to be there. This can lead to awkward situations where you don’t know someone else’s name or job, but you do know all about their juvenile delinquent daughter being suspended. However, Scott can normally tell you who you’ve been talking to if you grab him while he’s emptying the dishwasher.

    Tl;Dr: Glaswegians are sociable, tea and a biscuit is critical to office welfare, and the janitor is always treated as a key team member even if he does eat all the food.

  143. Travels*

    I’ve worked in Canada, Russia and Sweden – though it was all in very different fields, so it’s hard to say what is down to culture and what is the nature of that workplace (like, an archive is very different from a store that serves the public). TBH, I find the gender gap to be more of a difference than anything – I can see patterns in the jobs I worked in Western Canada, Eastern Canada and Russia where the staff was all or majority female, in how we interacted – a lot more socializing outside of work, for example.

    One thing I loved about Swedish work culture was the emphasis on the well-being of staff – generous breaks and lunches, lots of vacation, tons of amenities in the workplace (like every workplace over a certain size has to have a nap room). You really felt valued!

  145. Daisy Steiner*

    In New Zealand it’s considered offensive to sit on tables of any description – including desks. It really took me aback on moving to the UK that people would just sit right on my desk to talk to me. I’m thinking ‘ew, that’s where I put my sandwiches!’

  146. Alessia*

    Things I find interesting about your stories is how much trust people have in HR and their expectations about salaries and benefits. I also miss an environment that values my cv instead of considering me a junior because I don’t know the organisation’s procedures so that they won’t be pay me more.
    I live in South Italy and hiring is focused on choosing people with a desperate need to work and the poorest expectations. HR is likely to take questions or complaints as sign of “not suitable worker” and report these behaviour to CEO and Directors. I have already been scolded for pointing out I work 40h/week and not 46/month as my contract states. Which is illegal but a common practise to avoid taxes.
    And despite working years in the same location they do not plan rises in salary. It is up to you to ask (and be scolded for asking).

  147. jenny*

    I worked in a news agency in a high rise in Manhattan in the early aughts. Your cube drawers were prefilled with a gas mask.

  148. NotATrueFinn*

    Finland and it’s totally normal to go to sauna with coworkers. Of course naked. Saunas in Finland are a sacred, family, space and it’s normal to conduct businesses, meet your in-laws and go with friends of different sexes. Very awkward if you are not Finn, so I don’t join in.

  149. Katie*

    In Latvia, particularly in IT field (others are not so good), we often get to work free hours. No one would control how many hours you work and you are often allowed to fork from home or remotely. Main thing is you have to be useful. Legally it’s 40 hours per week, but I generally don’t count. Sometimes I would stay longer (because I feel like it is good for the project), other times I would stay at home and work less (when it’s slow time at work or I have personal errands or I feel a unwell etc). Though, it is expected that you don’t miss your scheduled meetings.

    To me, it’s not just trust, it’s also a great test: if you are not treating this kind of freedom right, you will early or later be considered as poor employee.

  150. Padwen*

    I don’t know if this has come up (too many comments to scroll through), but having a nap at work in Malaysia. It’s not uncommon, at least in the rural area where I work, to come across staff snoozing happily behind the clothes racks in a store. I work in a university and I think busy city offices are different, but it’s quite acceptable to sleep behind your desk in the afternoon – people often have a fold up mattress or curtained off area for the purpose. There seem to be two main work patterns – some start around 7 or 8am, don’t nap and leave around 4, and others have a substantial afternoon break, even going home for a couple of hours, and then work late into the night. I love it, it strikes me as being very accepting of people’s different needs and work patterns.

  151. Fredo*

    My first job out of college was in the NYC – Manhattan office of a national law firm. You could have made a TV show about that office. There was bullying, yelling, drunkenness, people being fired on the spot and escorted out of the building, etc. All sorts of incidents, poor treatment and bad behavior. After a few years of that hell, I moved to Boston and continued to work for law firms, including Big Law. I was so pleasantly surprised at the difference. The office culture was so different in the Boston firms, and people respected each other, were polite and pleasant, etc.

    So was this an NYC versus Boston difference? I don’t know. Maybe not. I only worked at that one firm in NYC, so I don’t have enough reference. But I so regret working there as a first job out of college. It changed me forever.

  152. Michelle*

    I work in Japan. During holiday seasons/beginning or end of the fiscal year/etc., there are company “enkais” – all you can drink (with fancy food course sets). Japan (rightfully so) may have a reputation for working hard, but the saying is true: work hard, play hard.

  153. Elan Morin Tedronai*

    Very late to the party here, but… as a Singaporean:

    1) Last Drawn Pay (salary) and race is always on the questionnaire.

    2) We generally talk about salaries in terms of months rather than years.

    3) Many pre-interview questionnaires require headshots.

    4) Only shortlisted candidates are notified – rejections are not often sent out. This sometimes leads to hilariously long lead times, such as my friend’s anecdote of being called up for an interview at a rather well-known local company… 10 months after they sent in their CV.

  154. Supriya*

    This is how we usually do it India:
    – Lunch is a big thing here. Excepting for 1 organisation, all our other organisations have encouraged us to get up from our desks and go eat our meals in the pantry/ cafeteria, no matter how swamped we are at work. If it’s a light load day, lunch may stretch to 45-60 minutes (sometimes, not often), but it’s usually around 30 minutes
    – Hierarchy is ingrained in us. It’s not unheard to be calling your seniors Ma’am/ Sir. In fact, using first names for all employees across the board, irrespective of their designation is still the exception and not the norm, especially in larger organisations
    – I’ve always had someone serve me tea/coffee at my desk and heat up my lunch for me
    – Lunch for us is community eating, where we all share our meals that we’ve got from home (unless your office serves lunch)
    – 9 to 6 are our usual hours
    – We’re respectful of our bosses, but we don’t lick their ass and be a yes-man. Of course there are some people who like that, but that’s never been me and I’ve been ascending the ladder just fine. The trick is to put your opinion across, back it up with fact/ precedents/ logic, but not be disrespectful of someone else’s opinion, be it your boss or anyone else (unless the boss is the kind of person who plays favourites)
    – I usually wear open toed footwear to work with my Indian wear (I get a pedicure every few weeks). It’s completely acceptable formal attire here. This has shocked some of our Western clients sometimes
    – Many females (including me) have pierced noses and that’s again not a punk look, but just again normal here. We tend to wear discreet nose studs/ pins/ rings and nothing loud & flashy
    – Most of my Indian work wear is full of bright colours, and that is acceptable work wear in the most formal of places with strict dress codes
    – Indians do a lot of smalltalk before we dive into work. If we have to meet/ talk often for work, it’s quite possible that we’ll be knowing each other’s family history
    – Be prepared for meeting to start at least 3-40 minutes after the time scheduled. Punctuality is a sin here, unless you’re some one like me who’s walked out of meetings when the allotted time was up though the discussion wasn’t concluded. I am considered a little eccentric because of this
    – Because we have so much diversity in India (community/region/religion/language/food), we celebrate alot of festivals with food and sweets typical to the occassion and we happily bring share it with everyone
    – Before offering someone food, always always always check their food preferences. It’s a huge faux pas to serve non-vegetarian (i.e., meat, fish, eggs etc.) to a vegetarian

    1. Supriya*

      *Please excuse the grammatical & typos. I usually am more finicky about such matters.

      PS: I mentioned the bright colours, jewellery and open-toed footwear because that’s the often within the first few comments I have received when interacting with European/ Americans. I’m not sure why that’s surprised them so much, but that’s been my experience.

  155. Barbara*

    Yes Supriya the bright colours surprise Europeans because our outfits are so boring compared to Indian outfits. When I went to India I was amazed by the beauty of your clothes. I love the jewlerry too ! Wearing open-toed shoes is okay where I work but maybe because it’s a very relaxed work place.
    Lunch is very important in France too and people typically don’t eat at their desk and they take one hour using tickets-restaurants (discounted prices tickets given by employers to eat in restaurants half-price).
    However in the UK the lunch break is only 30mn and many people tend to eat at their desk while doing something else. It’s very unhealthy!

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