when attempts to recognize employees go horribly wrong: stuffed bears, birthday snubs, and more

by Alison Green on April 5, 2018

On last week’s post about the person who received a stuffed bear for her 10-year work anniversary while other people received spa days and overnight trips, commenters suggested we talk more about “recognition fails.”

Here are a few of the stories shared in that thread:

“I once received a coffee cup from an employer as a thank-you for dropping everything and working on a time sensitive project that didn’t even fall in my departments scope of work. The project, if uncompleted, meant the company wasn’t in compliance and that the government could levy a six-figure fine against the company. The thank-you we received was a company-branded coffee cup. It was one of those chalkboard cups that could be written on with regular chalk and then rinsed and re-written. For months I would write a different phrase or word on the cup that meant ‘cheap gift’ in a foreign language. And then I prominently displayed it so that anyone walking by would be able to see it. I know several people used to use google translate to find out what I’d written every day. My boss (whose idea it was to give these cups to the team who worked on the project) was one of those people. The next gift was better – lunch on the company dime and a $25 Visa gift card for every person on the team.”

“When my former ‘big boss’ retired a few years ago, our direct group of nine was at the event. During his speech, big boss personally thanked and mentioned seven folks, by name, and left me and one other employee out. He was going off a written speech. And you know, the other seven had all been there longer than the two of us, I’ll admit. I’d only been with the group for seven years at that point, and my coworker for four. So, newbies, right? Easy enough to forget.”

“For my five-year gift at a huge, well-respected company, I got … a booklet saying congratulations that had several pages inside telling me why said company is so great. It was so insulting that I would much rather have gotten nothing.”

“Department head decided to hold an office birthday party for his favorite employee. Cake, a few gifts, and champagne! We were standing around enjoying the cake and booze when the conversation got around to who favorite employee shared a birthday with … you know, famous people. He mentioned a couple of people and then I realized – we shared the same birthday. I brazenly said, ‘Oh, you share your birthday with [other famous person] because so do I.’ Everyone turned to look at me and a few gasped. I put down the cake and walked out of the office.

Really if you’re going to hold an office birthday party for your favorite, and require others celebrate your favorite’s birthday too, make the effort to ensure your other staff aren’t so deliberately and obviously snubbed.”

So … what recognition fails have you experienced/witnessed/committed? Share in the comments.

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  1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

    OldJob liked giving company-branded totchkes every now and then, mostly at random. I still use the mug they gave every new hire, because it’s got a broad base and it’s hard to knock over at my desk. That one’s great.

    Less great was the combo pen/stylus. It said “thumbs up for your great work!” and the stylus end was supposed to be a hand giving the thumbs-up gesture.

    Only someone failed QA, and badly, because with the way the lettering was printed on the pen, it was a thumbs-down.

      1. General Ginger*

        Countess, maybe the stylus direction wasn’t intentional, and they really meant to say “thumbs up” for your “great” work! :)

    2. Amadeo*

      At the newspaper I started at almost 10 years ago (cripes!) all employees got similar plastic mugs with the wide base and lids. I was handed one my first day there. We called them our ‘sippy cups’ because they were intended to be the only drinks vessel we were allowed at our desks because we couldn’t spill them. It wasn’t enforced, but it was a bit condescending with its intention.

      1. Raider*

        I don’t know. I shared an office with a coworker who knocked over her can of Coke on a near-daily basis. (After 50 times in a row you’d think she wouldn’t still gasp and have that same expression of shock, but yes, yes she did.) Newsrooms seems especially susceptible to eating/drinking/crumbs/spills at the desk, just because of how news needs to be reported as it happens.

        1. fieldpoppy*

          I have ruined 3 laptops, 2 phones and about 4 keyboards over my computing and liquid lifetime. I need a sippy cup.

          1. Salty*

            Best thing I ever bought for work was a big glass beer mug from the dollar store. It held an entire can of soda plus ice and was so sturdy and bottom heavy it was almost impossible to knock over. I did not use it for coffee but it was probably good for that as well.

          2. Elizabeth the Ginger*

            My sister bought some spillproof cups for my toddler for Christmas and thought they were so cool she got herself some, too – the toddler’s are smaller and have two big handles and my sister’s are bigger and handle-less, but they’re otherwise the same! She likes them for taking with her when she walks her dog. Usually with iced coffee, but sometimes with wine…

            https://www.munchkin.com/miracle-360-deg-10oz-cup-white.html

            1. Artemesia*

              The Lyric Opera provides sippy cups for wine and cocktails so you can take them into the theater. They add several dollars to the cost of the drink, so I just saved mine and take them along each time.

          3. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

            I have to admit, I found a sippy cup very useful in the past! My childhood cat was convinced that humans were keeping all the good water for themselves, and would knock over anything he suspected might contain a potable liquid. If I wanted to have a drink by my bed at night (which I did a lot of the time) it had better resist the cat tipping it onto the floor!

            1. Been There, Done That*

              Sounds like a great idea. Tipping over your bedside water is bad enough, but when the nightstand is wicker…the liquid goes down and through…sigh

          4. Anonymous Ann*

            I killed a few keyboards myself before I invested in a Contigo autoseal travel mug for my desk – best decision ever! Not only is it essentially impossible to spill from (a drop might sneak out if I do knock it down…which I still do!), but it keeps coffee scalding hot all day long (I think it’s even better at keeping things cold).

        2. Turquoisecow*

          When I was looking for a new bottle to bring to work either for water or other liquids, I specifically looked for something that was darn near spill proof. For Christmas, my husband got me a bottle with cats on it (because we both like cats) and it is basically a toddler’s cup. The part you drink out of will not release liquid unless you squeeze it lightly (ideally with your teeth), and I have thankfully not spilled any liquids.

      2. Lance*

        Out of curiosity, how’s it condescending? Is it the style of the lid, or merely the ‘here’s something you’re not likely to spill’ notion? Because, to be perfectly honest, I’d be more than fine with having drink containers that are hard to spill around the office.

        1. ExcelJedi*

          I think it’s condescending when you add that it’s the only thing you’re supposed to have at your desk. It’s nice to have until it’s mandated.

          (Also, what about people like me, who always have a water bottle AND cup of coffee or tea at my desk at any given time?)

          1. Totally Minnie*

            But it’s better than having a workplace where employees are only allowed a spill proof drink container and the company doesn’t provide one. At least this way the staff don’t have to spend their own money to fulfill a work requirement.

            1. ExcelJedi*

              TBH, I think that’s pretty of condescending and wrong-headed, too. :/ Yes, the place that provides the sippy cups and then requires them is less wrong than the place that just requires them….but neither one are right, IMHO.

              1. Artemesia*

                Are you comfortable with employees having to pay to replace the computers they destroy with spilled drinks. I know of so many cases of keyboards and laptops being totaled by spilled cokes and coffees. Some places don’t allow drinks at all at desks. Non spill cups seem reasonable and providing them considerate.

                1. Indoor Cat*

                  One unexpected perks of getting obsessed with bubble tea when I had to cut fancy starbucks drinks from my budget (and high caffeine drinks from my life): bubble tea is impossible to spill. The cover fits perfectly around the straw and is permanently attached to the cup.

                  Obviously, this is bad for the environment since the cups are single-use, but I have dropped my tea twice today with zero damage to anything.

                2. Ego Chamber*

                  “Non spill cups seem reasonable and providing them considerate.”

                  So, funny story along these lines: I worked for a place that had the non-spill-cups-only rule—which was fine. And they provided a branded non-spill cup—which was also fine.

                  But! They cheaped-out when they ordered their branded non-spill cups, so their branded non-spill cups… weren’t. (If you tilted them, they leaked, and if you dropped them, the lid would launch itself off in some random direction. Best practical metaphor I’ve ever encountered irl.)

      3. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

        Ours were on a similar design, but it was pitched to us not as “spillproof” but simply as a company green initiative to avoid disposable coffee cups in the breakrooms. You got a free mug, and if you lost it, they’d give you another one with no questions asked. The shape making it hard to spill was simply there.

        OTOH, the company mugs NewJob gave out are much nicer, but the base is itty-bitty and I’m constantly afraid of tipping it over. That’s an at-home mug where it can sit on an end table, NOT the right-by-my-elbow-on-the-desk mug.

    3. Meg Murry*

      That reminds me of a company I worked for that had pens printed up that said “Quality First” in large letters on them. Except the pens were complete crap and only about 10% of them actually worked at all. It sent the message “quality is super important, but apparently being cheap is even more important!”

      1. AnotherJill*

        I worked for a company that had a big “core values” roll-out. All the employees got a pen with the company “core values” on it in a little window. When you clicked the pen the values would rotate and you would see the next one in the window.

        Most of the pens stopped working in short order. And then that CEO left and the new one had their own new big “core values” roll-out so it didn’t really matter. I think I went through three core values extravaganzas with the company.

        1. Anonicat*

          Oh man. I didn’t even need to click on the link to guess how that went wrong. Designed and rubber-stamped by someone who hadn’t used a pencil in 30 years and had forgotten about…sharpeners.

        2. Detective Amy Santiago*

          I never heard that story and omg it’s amazing. Thank you for sharing.

    5. Mistressfluffybutt*

      Oh man, I had a company that was SUPER into the swag. To the point that every new hire got a branded duffel bag full of swag every time you get hired. Every big event- more swag. We would even get summer swag. I have branded t-shirts, branded mugs, a sweatshirt, my favorite bottle opener, water bottles, I had a pen and a notepad with branding on it. It was crazy; but it was all actually pretty nice stuff and everyone got the same. I still use the sweatshirt, lunch bag, duffel bag and bottle opener all the time.

  2. ZSD*

    I’m always grateful to my high school German teacher for teaching us some life lessons as well as how to speak German, and one life lesson I got from her is to value people’s time and pay/thank them appropriately. We lived in a small town, and it seemed that everyone in town assumed that because she was the high school German teacher, she would perform English-German translation for all the businesses in town for free. She’d provided translations for businesspeople traveling internationally and never gotten paid. One time a company did send her a beautiful large poinsettia at Christmas, but, you know, she’d given hours of her time and they didn’t even *ask* her.

    1. Nana*

      Speaking of poinsettias…C-suite DH got a big, honking poinsettia at Xmas one year from the company [There were many Jewish execs]. I suggested he re-gift it. The next year, same company gave him an Xmas wreath. His secretary was delighted with both.

      1. Elizabeth West*

        Somebody our managers at OldExjob knew sent them a live Christmas wreath a couple of years in a row. It was my job to water it with a spray bottle. I didn’t mind, as it smelled magnificent. I’ve never been able to keep poinsettias alive much past the holiday, though I think they’re very pretty.

        1. Been There, Done That*

          If you have a yard, you can set them out and they’ll grow. I once kept a poinsettia on my desk that stayed colorful for a year and a half. It got lots of artificial light and was nowhere near any natural light. I always wondered if that was the reason.

          1. Starwatcher*

            Probably! Poinsettias are part of an enormous family of plants called spurges with members that range from low ground covers to large shrubs to things that look like succulents or cacti, and while some woodland spurges love shade and others at least tolerate it, poinsettias are from Mexico so they need a great deal more light and warmth than most houseplants, and probably less water than we tend to give them. In the Southwest, poinsettias can be planted outside and will grow into large bushes if they get enough light.

            1. rdb0924*

              I bought a poinsettia plant at Rite-Aid (seriously) that I kept alive for almost a decade. I did so by keeping it in my kitchen and watering it once a week. Nothing else. Never even re-potted it.

        2. Kittyfish 76*

          I’m late to the party, but I have a poinsettia in a pot at my desk going on about 4 years old now.

  3. Discordia Angel Jones*

    One time I handed in my notice just after a colleague who had actually worked at my place of work (not an office) for less time than I had (about half the time actually). I was there for four years.

    On her last day she got a leaving card, flowers, and a gift and an announcement in the staff briefing.

    On my last day I got nothing.

    The response to my resignation was copied and pasted from the employee handbook about what I should do. No “thanks for your work, it was nice working with you” or anything.

    And it’s not like I wasn’t well liked or that I was a poor performer (I had been promoted in my time there), I just… didn’t suck up to the management.

    One of my colleagues did stand on a chair in the breakroom as I was on my way out the door and say “Oh captain my captain” though, so that was nice.

    1. Discordia Angel Jones*

      If you can’t tell, by the way, this was four years ago and I am *still* a bit bitter about it. LOL

      1. Zeph*

        I don’t blame you. I had a similar leaving experience where I was moving internationally for my partner’s work and the person that was leaving the same week was basically asked to leave instead of being fired for performance reasons.

      2. Lefty*

        I don’t blame you… I’m still hurt after similar in-action by my previous managers when I departed.

        Normal departing actions- a photo mat is circulated for signatures, the managers called everyone together for a send-off, a novelty version of our product was given with customized notes about what the person had worked on over their tenure. It was a little predictable, but usually went well! I had participated in these for departing/promoted members who were there as little as 8 months.

        When I left after 6 years and 2 promotions, I was told that no one had considered doing a send off because I’d always been one of the people who “reminded the managers” to do them. I was staying in the same program, just transitioning to managing a filed office. I asked afterward if I could maybe get one of the novelty versions of our product to show my projects and to show off the product when I was in the field. Apparently the managers thought that if it wasn’t publically presented then there was no point in making one… Looking back, I guess I should have asked for a party and a gift? I’ve been asked by the same managers to contribute to these novelty versions for other employees, even after I left- I do so that the others don’t feel like something has been missed, but it still makes me wonder if the managers see how odd this is!

    2. Kate*

      A similar thing happened to me when I moved on from a postdoc at a well-known university. My boss had gotten previous postdocs a really nice print of the campus and had everyone in the department sign it with well wishes. She didn’t do that for me. I’m not bitter because I know it was just her being scatterbrained rather than anything intentional, but I was still disappointed not to get one. A+ to your colleague though :)

      1. Discordia Angel Jones*

        That’s a shame! :(

        I could have understood if it were scatterbrained-ness or something, but in my case it was either an intentional snub because I wasn’t one of the “cool kids” that sucked up to management, or just a complete lack of caring.

        That colleague and I are still friends though! :D

        1. Marthooh*

          ‘One of my colleagues did stand on a chair in the breakroom as I was on my way out the door and say “Oh captain my captain” though, so that was nice.’

          I mean… money is the best compliment, of course, but this is heartfelt. I would treasure this memory. No wonder you’re still friends!

    3. Ingray*

      I worked at a restaurant for 4 years before/during grad school. When I graduated and got a new job I gave my 2 weeks notice. The only response I got was “we thought it would take you longer to find a job after you graduated.” The boss didn’t even acknowledge my last shift. I didn’t expect a party but after 4 years I expected at least a “good luck” or something. (Almost 10 years ago and I’m still a little hurt.)

    4. Toxicity Survivor*

      My last job was horribly inconsistent about this.

      Fergus leaves after 5 years and they have a big happy hour and give him a dopp kit (which was a last-second afterthought and he complained bitterly about it).

      An abusive and misogynistic employee who once brought an escort to the holiday party was kept on for 3 years despite complaints, and when he was finally fired the owner spoke highly of him and warned all of us not to say anything ‘negative’ about him.

      A flaky but generally harmless receptionist resigned after about a year due to family illness and personal issues, and the very same owner mocked her and made sarcastic comments when he told us she wasn’t working there anymore.

      I left after 5 years and was told not to tell anyone, even though they posted my job on the website an hour after I put in my notice. They didn’t make any attempt to document my duties or ask me for transfer of information until my second-to-last day. During my last week I ended up crying at my desk because they were handling my departure so poorly, and most of my coworkers thought I had done something wrong and maybe didn’t even know I was being ‘replaced’, because of their arbitrary gag order.

      Oh, and I invited a few people I liked from work to a happy hour after my last day, and one of the owners (who I’d had quite a bit of conflict with recently) stalked their calendars and crashed the happy hour. At least he paid, but he had this smug, boy-I-really-got-her smirk on his face the whole time.

      …man, every time I talk about that place I am reminded how awful they were to people. Basically just mean-spirited.

      1. JustaTech*

        My work had a few bad periods where a lot of people left (separate from the yearly layoffs). At one point a whole lot of people were leaving for the same new shiny company and we had a lot of “going away” parties.

        Eventually this bothered some of the higher-ups, who said we couldn’t have going away parties “because it sounds like we’re happy they’re leaving”. Uh, no, we’re happy they’re off this sinking ship. (And it’s not like these were “work” parties, we went to a restaurant or bar after work.)

        So we stopped using work email to arrange the parties.

        1. Turquoisecow*

          A not very well liked director left my current company recently, and the official word was that they couldn’t have a company going away party for him because he was going to a competitor. He left to work for another company in the same industry…4 states away. Due to that distance, our companies do not actually compete. I think it was more of an excuse than anything.

          The job before that (same industry) would usually just walk people out if they announced they were going to a(n actual) competitor. (Because that stopped them from passing on secrets?) So, a step forward?

      2. Sassmaster*

        Your leaving story reminds me of my departure from a medical supply/home health company I worked for. They refused to give me a raise or trim down my job duties (I had gradually been made to take the place of 3 people and was managing not to mess up too badly). I had gone back to grad school and needed flexibility and they initially said OK but one day I was out and no one knew how to do anything so they panicked. I asked to have either a raise or an assistant and they said no. This had been an ongoing things for over a year and I hated this job. And my life. I had had it. I got another job the same day of our last discussion about how the center could no longer hold, somewhere I had worked before. They asked me for a month’s notice. This was not a manager level or anything where any more than two weeks notice would suffice. I caved and gave them 3 weeks. No attempt to get anyone hired or cross trained til I was 2 days from being outta there.

      3. m m*

        I was leaving a supervisor job where I stayed for 5 years, on very good terms. I performed well and got promoted twice. Other employees usually got a goodbye lunch and a speech with coffee/cake later in the afternoon of the last day. I ended up organizing my own lunch with my manager and 4-5 close co-workers.
        On my last day I was packing my last belongings, and got called into the boardroom. The director gave a very generic speech, surprisingly so generic that I never forgot it, and I got a company-branded baseball cap and a flimsy sport bag. The director liked managing up and did his all to keep his own bosses happy, and never really paid attention to the people under him, unless they were single females under 35. On the way home, I stopped by a used clothing charity and dropped off the parting gifts. I wouldn’t even call that an attempt to recognise an employee, it was more as an afterthought. It was over 10 years ago and I moved on, but your story reminded me of it. Karma finally caught up to the director a few years ago and he was let go due to financial meddling.

    5. Wendy Darling*

      When I resigned from my horrible job my boss told the administrative assistant to set up a meeting with me to get my laptop and stuff, and then never spoke to me again. I don’t think anyone else in the company knew I had resigned until I just stopped showing up one day — the company’s method for dealing with non-executives leaving was to send an email the day after their last day saying “Soandso is no longer an employee of Awfulcorp as of today.”

    7. Yvette*

      Evidently they had blown farewell budget. Sorry that stinks. Maybe they were happy to see HER go but not you?

    8. The Photographer's Husband*

      When I was in college, I worked at the college’s local chain of coffee/convenience stores. I went from barista to store manager within two semesters due to hard work and common sense (I think they liked that it was clear I actually cared about my work and wasn’t doing it just for beer money).

      I worked as a store manager for about a year, but then it came time to graduate and move on. My last shift, the central office had me scheduled to close the store on my own (usually an hour-long process with two people, but much longer on your own). When I called to see if they could send over someone to help, since there is usually an on-call to send to understaffed stores, they basically ignored my request and said I was on my own. Nice way to end my time there.

    9. Kathenus*

      I feel your pain on this. I left a job where I was well-liked, in a role where I worked with staff in every department, in an organization that absolutely did really nice goodbye celebrations. I kept expecting to hear about mine being scheduled, but…crickets. Turns out someone said I had told them I didn’t want anything done (not only not true, but I had never talked to that person about my leaving at all), so they thought they were following my wishes. When the miscommunication was discovered they did some quick, really nice stuff at a staff meeting for me, which was thoughtful. Even so, it still stung, and obviously does a bit to this day.

      But an ‘oh captain, my captain’? How fantastic – congratulations to you on inspiring that person to think that way.

      One person I worked with at the above job wrote me an incredibly thoughtful note about how I had mentored her, and it’s still a prized possession.

    10. bebemochi*

      This happened to me, although it was almost worse because the director of the theatre I was working at realized at the last moment that I wasn’t being recognized, and all he could think to say about me was that I was “a beautiful girl.” I think I would have preferred to be ignored.

    11. Mad Baggins*

      On my last day at OldJob I got a card with messages (like everyone else) but the weird thing was, among the well-wishes was “I wish I had a chance to talk to you.” …From the person who sat next to me for months.

    12. Jess*

      Still a bit bitter – I was about to go off for a year of maternity leave (had worked there for about seven years) and was supposed to have a baby shower send-off on my last day of work. It ended up also being the last day for an accounts contractor who had been there for less than a year. (And who was not, perhaps, the most-liked colleague. Efficient, yes but dear GOD was she abrasive!)

      Anyway, she ended up having a send-off afternoon tea on that day while I quietly finished up, then I had to come back into the office a couple of weeks later for my re-scheduled baby shower.

      I mean, my team did care for me and were very supportive and generous, but why was *I* the one rescheduled?

  4. I think therefore I am Anon*

    Somewhat similar to the first one in the post in setup, I worked extra time for 2-3 weeks pulling out something that needed to be done, urgently, for a customer. Otherwise, there were penalty clauses. I was working evenings and weekends, and had very very little time for my family or myself. We got it done and the customer was pleased, and no penalties happened.

    My boss submitted for me to get the top “on the spot” type of reward from the company. It was officially only given when you had been on a long trip out of town and was compensation for, you know, missing out on life with your family and such. There was a gift card to a restaurant involved and I think something else (this was years ago) – it was worth $100 or $200 (I forget which).

    The company refused to do this, because I had not been out of town. Legitimate, if annoying. But they DID give me the reward level they thought appropriate, so I got to pick something from a gift catalog. I did the best I could, but still, a warming-style sauce crockpot (not even a cooker, just to keep sauces warm) is a big come-down from the other.

    I felt really appreciated by my boss. By the company overall, not so much.

    1. LouiseM*

      To me this is a story about unfair compensation, not a cheap gift. The amount of late night work you were putting in means you should have been compensated at a high level, whether with a bonus or overtime depending on your situation. Even a much nicer gift would have been an empty gesture if your employer didn’t pay you well.

      1. Lily in NYC*

        Must we argue semantics? Alison asked for “recognition fails” and this fits the bill.

        1. Lily in NYC*

          Apologies, I misread your comment and thought you were telling OP that her submission doesn’t belong here because it wasn’t about a cheap gift.

      2. I think therefore I am Anon*

        I had a good salary at the time, and was exempt. The work in this scenario was a lot more hours than was expected even during normal “crunch time” of exempt employees though. I think a bonus would have been nice too, but I also know those were almost never given out at this company. I just wish the HR initiative about appreciating employees had felt more, well, appreciative. $100-200 isn’t really enough compensation for that either, but it would have felt like a much bigger gesture than picking a gift from among a cheap set of gifts. What my boss wrote about my work made me happy, though, and it was taken into account at my review, as much as it could be.

    2. Collarbone High*

      I had a similar situation where my company had a monetary award for “exceptional performance.” My boss nominated me on the basis of exceptional performance every day, and the company said no, this was for one-time performances.

      My boss asked if someone could do mediocre work all year and then get the award for doing one thing well, and the company said yes, that would be fine, but outstanding work every day didn’t qualify.

      2. Toxicity Survivor*

        Reminds me of the toxic job I mentioned above. They instituted a ‘kudos’ system that would be relevant to your annual review, but the owner basically killed everyone’s use of it. At several meetings and even some 1:1s, he would complain and harangue people for not doing it right. And this was his attitude: don’t thank people for doing their job and doing it well. Only ever give kudos if it was truly ABOVE AND BEYOND AND AMAZING ONE-OFF STUFF. I thought that was absurd.

        Some people ignored him and kept using the kudos for whatever (including posting kudos as a way of sucking up). I got sick of giving genuine appreciation to people and then getting yelled at by the owner, so I started just sending private emails to people and CCing their manager when I noticed their excellent work.

        Oh, and the kudos never ended up really mattering to anyone’s reviews.

      3. Observer*

        Did the person who said that at least pause for a moment after they said that? Does anyone realize just how absurd that is?

      4. General Ginger*

        Wow. And they just… owned that? Without pausing to think how awful that is?

    3. Marthooh*

      “… a warming-style sauce crockpot (not even a cooker, just to keep sauces warm) is a big come-down…”

      It shows how fondue they are of you!
      …
      …
      … never mind.

      1. I think therefore I am Anon*

        !!!

        You are AWESOME.

        Thank you.

        I’ll just be over here giggling, and glad I didn’t have a mouthful of tea when I read this!

  5. CrystalMama*

    I mean this with only respect but the way I was raised and the faith I practice tell me a gift is a Gift. Recognition is important but no one is entitled to an object with any kind of value – even if others may receive.

    1. Ah Non*

      That doesn’t really work in the business world when to do that shows absolute favoritism of one person over another.

      1. LouiseM*

        Agreed. The favoritism is what is problematic. I think it’s better to not give or expect gifts at all.

        1. Lumen*

          I think these shouldn’t be considered in the same light as other ‘gifts’, though. This is about recognition at work, which it IS fair to expect, especially if the company sets that expectation.

          Many employers choose to recognize employees with gifts, but it’s not a ‘gift’ in the birthday or holiday sense. It’s meant to be a reward, which is explicitly transactional (regular gifts are not).

          And if the value of the reward does not equal the value of the work being rewarded, or the value of one person’s reward is higher than someone else’s for the same work, it’s pretty insulting.

    2. Minerva McGonagall*

      In the personal sphere, this is a beautiful sentiment. In the workplace, however, gifts are compensation by another name.

      1. embertine*

        I’d say even in the personal sphere, if, say, parents were extravagantly lavishing praise and presents on one child for minor things and utterly ignoring the other one achieving major life goals, that would be a problem.

        1. MuseumChick*

          Agreed. Though I think in general, assuming that everyone involved is reasonable/not a jerk the sentiment is a good one. But what works in your own personal life does not always translate well to the business world. This is one of those cases.

        2. Applesauced*

          Ugh…. when my sister graduated from college, our grandparents bought her a car. I got a check for $300. I awkwardly asked my dad if they forgot a zero (or 2) and felt terrible asking, but also…. that’s a BIG difference

          1. all aboard the anon train*

            My maternal grandparents used to give out birthday/graduation/holiday checks and gave the most money to me, as the eldest and then the amount was smaller for both of my brothers. So, for example, I’d get $300, brother 1 would get $200, and brother 2 would get $100. The three of us just put all the money together and split it evenly.

            2. E**

              Your grandparents suck at gift-giving, but sounds like you had an awesome relationship with your brothers, so I would call that a win overall.

            3. Purple Megan*

              My grandma gives her grandkids the dollar amount of the age they are turning. I think this kind of works because it’s easy to remember and pretty fair.

              1. Annie Moose*

                It’s also never going to be an enormous amount of money–I’d be okay if I get $12 and my sister gets $16, but if I got $12 and my sister got $160?? That’s a big disparity!

                (my mom actually did the same thing for my cousins, but eventually had to implement of cap of $5/year. There are A Lot of cousins so this was necessary to avoid spending all my parents’ income on birthday presents!!)

              2. Toads, Beetles, Bats*

                My grandmother did something similar, but tied the dollar amount to geographical proximity to her house (note: not frequency of visits, phone calls, in-person meetings, etc.). I have a double-digit number of cousins and we didn’t figure this out till it had been going on for years. She blew her cover when the oldest among us started going to college, which changed the dollar amounts, usually downward. We never said anything to her; she never said anything to us. It is one of my favorite mysteries.

                1. Tara2*

                  Man, I would get so upset if my grandfather did this. Mostly because I live so far away but am the only grandchild that calls and visits him semi-regularly(visits once every couple of years, because that’s when I am in the same province as him). I call him many times a year to catch up, or more if there’s actually interesting things going on in my life, or I hear something about him that warrants a separate chat. None of my cousins visit him despite living fairly close (one visits her father who lives down the road from my papa, but doesn’t go to see him when she’s there).

                  I know he gives me more than the rest of my family, because my sister gets less (I haven’t mentioned this to her!). I feel bad for her, if not my cousins, because I think calling never occurred to her (no one in our family uses the phone much) and she doesn’t have a car like I do and she does live 2 hours drive away with no other way to get to where he lives. When he’s mentioned to me that no one else visits, I always try to mention that I bet my sister would if she could (she’s way more family-oriented than I am) but I’m not sure he takes that to heart.

              3. RUKiddingMe*

                Also the 12 year old will (presumably) be a 16 year old one day so eventually it should all be even.

            4. Someone else*

              I had a similar experience. Elderly Relative would give Male Child Relative 6-8 presents every birthday. I would get 1. And I kept trying to explain that I wasn’t rebuking my 1 or suggesting he should get less; just that the blatant difference and favouritsm was inappropriate. This apparently made me a bitch. At 10 years old.

              1. RUKiddingMe*

                Well you should know, and should have known at age 10 apparently, that your lack of penis made you inherently worth less (or worthless ¯\_(ツ)_/¯).

                /s <—sorta

            5. Julia*

              My older sister also got a car when I got a pile of books. But we’re 25 years apart in age and I appreciated the books much more (I don’t even drive) :D

              My parents and grandma have this other weird system where they have to be really “fair”, so when I got a gift, my younger brother got one as well, even if I was the one “deserving” the gift (occasion or life event). I guess that’s nice of them, but sometimes, it feels pretty weird. (It’s also extra weird because my parents are super unfair when it comes to distributing emotional “gifts”, as in he would get away with a LOT more than me and I would get punished.)

              1. RUKiddingMe*

                With a 25 year age gap that’s a whole generation and what is/was now (income, jobs, life circumstances) is not likely to be the same a generation later. Cool that you were happy with the books though.

                My mom tried that thing of giving my younger (4 years) sister stuff on my special days. I remember my fifth birthday (sister not quite 1 yet) and she gave a present to ‘the baby’ so she wouldn’t ‘feel left out.’ Are you kidding me? A one year old has no clue what’s happening, doesn’t understand that their older sibling just got something new/extra, and will not feel ‘left out’ no matter how you try to explain it to your five year old Mom!

                Apparently I made a big enough issue about it, at age five, that was one of the few times in our association my mother paid attention to me. That was the last time she ever did that crap. She did however never miss an opportunity to buy us exactly the same thing gifts at Christmas though.

                I would tell her to not do that. I mean ok the Life Savers candy book things that she gives to everyone…that’s a ‘thing’ she does, cool. Sister hated it too and while she normally actually listened to (read: catered to) Sister, this was one thing she could just never seem to —not do.

          2. Margo the Destroyer*

            My grandparents would give me, sister and cousins from my uncle the same, but my aunt’s stepchildren always received half as much because they were not my aunt’s children. My grandma still gets mad to this day when my aunt brings her granddaughter anywhere because she isnt really her granddaughter, so she doesn’t understand why my aunt wants to spend time / money on her.

            1. Detective Amy Santiago*

              As someone who is part of a blended family and was always treated equally by my step grandma, I am simultaneously grateful for her acceptance of me and horrified for your aunt’s family.

            2. Adlib*

              This happened in my family. My grandparents weren’t very nice to one of my cousins, but I had no clue why until I was older. My parents told me it was because she was technically my step-cousin. I remember thinking “So? She’s still my cousin.” I hated that they treated her differently. Now I feel the need to go look her up. I haven’t seen her in at least 20 years.

              1. ZK*

                My dad’s family never gave my siblings or me anything near what they gave the other kids in the family. Because we were adopted, so you know, weren’t really family. Despite all being adopted as babies.

                1. Mananana*

                  Don’t know if you’ll ever see this, ZK, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that your dad’s family sucked. Because that is abhorrent behavior.

              2. RUKiddingMe*

                My mom who was all “faaammmiiilllyyy” and pushed the need to accept the step-relatives (the ones she’d married into, not my dad’s side naturally) pretty much before the ink dried on the marriage license had a dislike for my one nephew’s girlfriend/ex-girlfriend.

                One day the at that point ex-girlfriend was at Mom’s house with ‘the kids’ two of which (of four) belong to Nephew. One of the other two was saying something about my son being his cousin.

                Nephew: Son of daughter *adopted by step-dad (i.e. Step-sister). Girlfriend’s son: Former step-son of Nephew. Nephew and my son first cousins via my mom marrying her dad…no blood ties.

                Girlfriend’s son was like eight at the time. My son was about 20-ish and didn’t have an issue with being called ‘cousin’ by the boy. My mom however felt the need to point out the distance of the relationship. I was just, “you have to be joking. He’s eight, he will figure out who all the players are and how they relate to each other…just like every other now older/grown kid has managed to do…you just don’t like Emily.”**

                *I know an adopted child/parent is still a real parent/child. Not a thing to me. My dad was an adoptee. Trust me he was real as was my Grandma Ethel.** I only mentioned to to point out how there was one whole extra layer of separation that doesn’t exist with other Step-sister who was (she passed recently) my step-dad’s bio daughter.

                **Names changed to protect the guilty…I mean innocent.

            3. Connie-Lynne*

              My MIL used to not get my niece Christmas presents “because she’s not a relative.” My BIL had been niece’s mom’s boyfriend for 10 years; he was the only dad she knew.

              She couldn’t see how mean this was; she was super-cheap and criticized me for “the extra expense.”

            4. Elizabeth West*

              Damn.
              My parents treated my *step*kid just as well as they did their other grandkids, although they didn’t spend much time with her because we lived further away.

            5. Elim Garak*

              Hate this. My dad adopted me and I’m so grateful that his side of the family never treated me any differently than my cousins. We’re thinking of adopting and have already made it clear to family that if they can’t love all of our children they won’t see any of them.

          3. Thatweirdchick*

            I feel you. When I graduated from university, my sister got a brand new bed, one with a trundle underneath and two new mattresses. I got the old futon from the basement. Note this was *my* graduation, she didn’t do anything, achieve anything, other than whine.

        3. Indoor Cat*

          I am so surprised / sad about all the stories in this thread about grandparents and parents using gifts as a way to say which kid is or isn’t really family. Wth.

          Like I guess I shouldn’t be surprised? Because if there’s a way to be crappy to someone, people will find it. But good grief.

          I’m a middle child and a middle cousin and vied for gifts and attention in a typical sibling / cousin rivalry way, and as an adult looking back on it things were pretty fair. The only times things were “unequal” were when certain cousins had special needs, which is a decent way and age to learn that people who are hurting more need more care to be brought to the same level than someone hurting less, and that fairness is about getting everyone to that safe place, not giving everyone the same things.

          Which is completely, 100% different than “It’s wrong to be upset about blatant favoritism.” They’re not even in the same ballpark. They’re actually opposite things. Favoritism is not trying to get everyone to the same good place, it’s actually about leaving people out. And it’s crap.

          Achhh. /rant.

        4. RUKiddingMe*

          Exactly. A gift is not always a gift even in the personal sphere. If something is used as leverage, to manipulate, punish, reward, show a distinction in affection it is in fact not a ‘gift’ and is just as transactional as a work ‘gift.’

          It’s the thought that counts after all right? If the thought in the personal sphere is to do any of the things I listed then the thoughts suck. If people are going above and beyond and don’t get their ‘gift’ simply because they did all the extra, over the top, more than even normal crunch time work from the same city instead of out of town then the company is not really thinking at all.

      2. Hey Karma, Over here.*

        This is the distinction. In the work place, one is not given a gift, one is given a reward. That can be verbal recognition, an object or tool, or money.
        It reflects how you and your contributions are judged by the company – what your company thinks of you. In the workplace, it is not the gift that counts and a cheap gift or a negligible gift card indicate illustrates how the company counts you.

      3. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

        Correct. If it’s company policy, paid for by the employer, then it needs to apply equally to everyone. Otherwise what’s next, “yes I know the handbook says three weeks PTO, but we need you to take this one week instead and be thankful that you’re being given anything at all”?

    3. Stormfeather*

      Others have pointed out that work is different, so I’ll take another angle – it’s not even always about the value so much as it’s about the thoughtfulness and care. And this can cover personal gifts too – I mean, if someone shovels up some dog crap and puts it in a bag and gives it to you, are you supposed to treat it as a thoughtful gift and recognize it as such?

      If a gift makes the person receiving it feel bad and unwanted and unliked, well, intent does factor into it – if it’s something that, say, the giver actually thought the person would like then I wouldn’t come down on them. But if it’s an obviously thoughtless gift that speaks loudly to anyone and everyone that the giver just doesn’t care about the recipient, then yeah, that’s a bad gift and I wouldn’t expect anyone to try to act like it was a good one and they’re thankful for it.

      1. Justme, The OG*

        Agree about this. I periodically get cards and notes from my boss thanking me, and the fact that she took the time out to do that means so much.

        1. LouiseM*

          Yes, I agree. Even just a text from my boss thanking me for helping out with a stressful project means a lot.

      2. Totally Minnie*

        Like the letter from the person who was away from work on medical leave and her coworkers sent her a bag of garbage as a get well gift.

    4. Nobody Here by That Name*

      This isn’t about friends or family, it’s about work. Work is a transactional relationship to begin with. I’m not showing up to the office and working until the wee hours of the evening for the fun of it. Yes I have a good work ethic and try to do a good job because that’s the kind of person I am. But in the end this is a business arrangement between me and my employer. I’m contracted to do X in exchange for Y. I get the Don Draper attitude of “That’s what the money’s for!” but if I do X+Z and still only receive Y, I might be less inclined to do Z again in the future, depending on the circumstances.

      Recognition and incentives aren’t a gift anymore than my work is.

    5. Sci Fi IT Girl*

      And that is also why often faith / religion may not be as useful in work related decisions (exception being the obvious faith based organizations). This philosophy may work great for you on an individual basis. In a work place though, giving gifts on preference (be it liking, fellows in the religious group) and excluding other employees is a very negative practice. It drives employees away. I agree with what Allison mentioned earlier – it is better to NOT do recognition like individual birthdays if you run the real risk of leaving people out and thus find a way to recognize and reward where that leaving-out risk is minimal.

    7. Anthropologist*

      This isn’t really about being “entitled.” In every culture and tradition, the underlying purpose/function of gifts is to build and maintain relationships (not just family/friend ones, but dependent/subordinate or peer ones as well). When an employer chooses to give two similarly situated employees different gifts on purpose, they are choosing to build two different types of relationships. It’s rational for employees to read something into that.

    8. Nacho*

      If an employee goes above and beyond in something, working significantly outside their job description, or significantly more than usual, then recognition is more than just important. If you don’t at least recognize people for volunteering for extra work, then why will anybody do anything beyond what’s required? And when giving gifts, how much that gift costs = how much recognition it’s worth. Giving somebody a $20 coffee cup is gift giving for saying “I felt like I had to give you something, but I don’t actually care enough to make it something nice.”

    9. Totally Minnie*

      To be honest, I’ve never seen the humor in these posts, so they’re just derailing and irritating to me. YMMV, of course.

    11. Snowy*

      A gift is a gift, but a gift can also be used to send a message. Make sure it’s the right message.

  6. Steve*

    Isnt the paycheck recognition for the work? Do people really think they are being put out if they have to work on something they dont want to? They sound spoiled.

    1. Seriously?*

      That is the mindset that tends to encourage employees to do the minimum and have no incentive to go above and beyond what they were hired to do. Recognition can go a long way towards incentivizing people to step up. It is especially demoralizing to do a lot of extra work and not only not have it recognized but have everyone else who did so recognized. That is not being spoiled.

      1. Steve*

        Employees doing the minimum are crap employees. Everyone wants recognition for being good at their job, but, imo that should come from normal interactions not sporadic ceremonies. You should know if you are valued by normal interactions. A person should do their job because they are paid. Maybe its different for office help, but if i get told, not asked, to do something i dont want to its my job to do it and i get my reward for doing it on payday.

        I am not saying bosses dont need to show appreciation. But they dont need to throw a party either. “Good job, Steve” and a paycheck is enough. Ymmv.

        1. Snark*

          There’s a difference between being valued for being good at your job, and being recognized for an extraordinary effort, accomplishment, or milestone.

        2. LouiseM*

          Agreed. People should be compensated fairly and at a high level. It’s not OK to give one employee a fancy gift and another nothing, but nobody needs gifts at work.

          1. Steve*

            I agree if you give a gift it should be to all. No one wants to be left out and it would upset me to be the one left out. I was mainly responding to the cup example where she wrote cheapskate on it in different languages. That mau be clever, but imo it is also terribly petty. I wonder if she is petty in other ways and would not trust her if she were my employee. She gets paid to do a job. Again maybe its different for office work. I dont get to pick and choose what i want at my job and dont really understand people who think they are put upon if they get something they dont want to do.

            1. Breda*

              The thing here is: either you should treat this as an essential part of their job and give them no gift, instead praising them verbally and taking it into consideration for raises and promotions, OR you should give them something that shows they’re valued. Giving them a mug says, “We believe we should recognize you for going above and beyond, but we’re not willing to spend more than $10 on you.”

            3. Iris Eyes*

              In that example she wasn’t getting paid to do that job. It was a job that another department, with presumably a different segment of the budget was supposed to do that her and her team did. Think of it this way, would it be right for your work to insist that you come in on the weekend to move the office from one building to another when your day-to-day job is as an accountant? You are doing additional work that isn’t related to your job function, and as a salaried employee you aren’t receiving any compensation in return for the additional work, the bonus for the facilities department for getting the move done under budget and on time isn’t coming your way. Your company saves big bucks by using this free labor, someone else maybe getting the bonus from your work, and they give you a mug.

              Companies who insist that you do anything they want you to do without regard to your job function are just as bad as employees who will only do things that are explicitly spelled out in their job description.

              1. steve*

                That makes sense. I still think the “cheapskate” stuff was terrible and showed contempt on her part towards her employers.

              2. CmdrShepard4ever*

                I agree in that situation that would be different. I could be wrong but I have a feeling it was more along the lines of Team B perhaps a compliance department needed extra help and they asked Team A the accounting/payroll department to help out, or maybe Team A was a marketing department I think it is still the same. I imagine that one department that normally does office work was asked to help another department that does office work as well, but all the work was completed during normal 9 to 5 working hours. I have worked in many places where you help other teams/departments with work that you do not normally do and they in turn help you when you need it. When a big mailing or copy job is required I have had higher ups that normally don’t deal with that kind of stuff jump in and help out. Again I could be wrong but I don’t think a token gift to show appreciation for the work is a bad thing especially if everyone else that helped received the same thing. If only one person got the mug and everyone else got $25 gift cards for the same work that is a different problem.
                I do think it is different if you are asked to put in “extra hours/overtime” to help the other team complete the work, or if it is something completely different than what your normal job is. The example you gave is a good one where you normally do office work and they ask you to do essentially work as a mover, or if they asked you to do another very physical job. To be clear there is nothing wrong with working as a mover or doing other physical jobs. I have helped colleagues move bookshelves, desks, chairs, file boxes among other things around the office when needed , but I do not posses the skills and knowledge to act as a professional mover to help move an office from one building to another.

            4. Bea*

              Yeah especially since “cheap gifts” are less of an accounting and taxation burden, I’m not amused by the coffeecup situation.

              The teddy bear instead of a spa day though, that’s so absurd and uncalled for/unfair.

              1. AMT*

                Exactly. There are two issues here: gifts that are insultingly small for the amount of work performed (or have company logos on them, ugh), and gifts that are unevenly distributed. Honestly, in situations like this, *no* gift is preferable to such poor treatment.

            5. Lissa*

              Yeah I’m not sure about the coffee cup thing because…ok, it’s funny but it isn’t really an example of unequal gifting, is it? Like, I can see the POV of “no gift is better than a crappy gift” but it wouldn’t occur to me that going above board in that manner would necessarily be recognized with some sort of gift/bonus. It should be factored into reviews and compensation going forward absolutely, but that’s a different issue if that isn’t happening. I don’t really see why the employer deserves contempt based on a cheap gift! I’d be more on board with this response if the rest of the team all got cruises or something.

            6. Yorick*

              In general I don’t think I agree with you, but I do about the cup story. I didn’t like it for that reason last week. They gave her a mug to say thank you, which I think is quite nice.

        3. Seriously?*

          If someone is putting in a ton of extra hours it makes sense to recognize that, possibly monetarily. It can be a more cost effective way to retain good employees and fairly compensate them for their work if the extra hours is not a constant expectation (in which case a raise would be more appropriate). If someone does extra work, they should get extra compensation.

          1. Falling Diphthong*

            One of the former workplace philosophies related here was “No matter what you do, you’re making as much as Joe, who’s supposed to be on the register but is sleeping in the storeroom.” Such employers do not inspire good employees to stick around.

            1. Julia*

              This. If you work your butt off but make the same (or less!) as Lazy Luke, will you really keep doing it? Especially if you then get punished by having more work heaped onto you so Luke can sleep more?

        5. McWhadden*

          Employees doing the minimum are employees meeting their job requirements. They negotiated doing those job requirements for a paycheck. Employers don’t deserve more than that in exchange for money.

          But almost all of these are examples of employers showing favoritism not complaining about not doing enough.

        7. Turquoisecow*

          You’re giving me x dollars to do the bare minimum. Why should I do more if you’re not paying me more? Unless you make minimum wage, I assume you’d like more than the bare minimum of payment.

          I might be inclined to overlook a low salary if certain other aspects of the job are decent. However, I would personally not stay in a job that offered a high salary but treated its employees like crap (ie did not recognize their efforts above the bare minimum). YMMV

    2. EA*

      Eh. I think it’s a different people are different thing. I don’t give a shit about recognition and only want more money. But I’ve worked with people who think it’s important. Kind of like love languages for the office.

    3. Snark*

      And this is why your employees do the bare minimum for you, if you manage any. It makes a lot of sense to recognize effort above and beyond the norm, if you ever plan to ask for it.

    4. Detective Amy Santiago*

      So, are you and CrystalMama married?

      Recognition for doing extra and/or longevity with an employer is not spoiling people. It’s called incentives to retain employees. Perhaps you don’t understand how hiring works, but it’s a pain in the ass and once you have good people in place, it’s far easier and more cost effective to keep them. A $25 gift certificate as an acknowledgment that “hey, you just made us $100,000 thanks” is far less expensive than not acknowledging that and having to pay thousands to train a replacement.

    5. Ruth (UK)*

      I do think there are plenty of cases were a reasonable and un-spoiled person could end up feeling hurt or snubbed because of gift giving. It’s not necessarily if a person doesn’t get a gift, or doesn’t get a ‘good enough’ one etc, but rather if they’re being treated notably differently than other people (that they work with). It’s not the gift itself, but the gift can sort of highlight favouritism or cause them to notice if they’re already not feeling appreciated etc at work.

      For example, if a manager had a team of 5 people, and let’s assume they’re about as good as each other (at the job) etc, and they’ve all been about for at least a few years, and are all reasonably pleasant people. If, say, on the birthday of 4 of them, the manager did a huge party with cake etc, but for the 5th one, gave them just a card and did nothing more, I think most people would feel a little bit hurt, or snubbed, or at the very least, curious why they’re being singled out with different (and less good) treatment. (and this is assuming there’s not any known/obvious reason not to celebrate the 5th employees birthday, like if they were known not to celebrate).

      While it might seem petty on the face of it to care “too much” about whether your office throws you a birthday party (incidentally, I’ve never worked anywhere that ever has), I would certainly feel hurt if one was thrown for everyone but me, and I think that’s what a lot of these situations being shared boiled down to. It’s not that a person got no gift or a gift they disliked, but that something about how the situation was handled felt unfair and caused upset, or looked too much like favouritism (and where the person being favoured didn’t even necessarily have any work related reason to justify the preferential treatment).

      1. Ruth (UK)*

        Ps. to add to my comment, I also think people feel especially upset in these circumstances as they feel they can’t complain without coming across as petty, as it’s sometimes difficult to express how you feel when it’s not really so much that you didn’t get the gift, but more about how it made you feel.

        In my birthday party example, it’s not that I would care that much about not being able to eat cake on my birthday, but more about how it would make me feel as though I was seen as having less ‘worth’ than the colleagues who were given the parties.

        1. Yvette*

          ” …I also think people feel especially upset in these circumstances as they feel they can’t complain without coming across as petty,…”
          I think that this may be the reason why something like that is done, a way of picking on or bullying someone that leaves little or no recourse for the person.

      3. Turquoisecow*

        Absolutely. I don’t care about birthday gifts and I’ve never received any from my employer. I don’t want a party or recognition for surviving another year of my life. But if literally everyone else in my company got a gift or a cake or some other form of acknowledgement? I’d be upset.

        And in most of the examples, the OPs are not complaining about birthday parties – they’re complaining that their coworkers received recognition that they did not, or that they went above and beyond and did not get recognition. If everyone gets a 10 year anniversary party and gift except one person, that’s unfair, and that one person has a right to complain and feel slighted. If a person doesn’t get a pat on the back – whether it’s a raise, or a gift, or just public recognition, they might, depending on the employee, decide to go and work somewhere where they do get that recognition. For others, the fact that they get a paycheck is sufficient.

    6. Hey nonny non*

      If the paycheck is recognition for the work, then why do so many CEOs and high level execs get bonuses every year, often at the expense of those lower down in the company? If you are C-level, I certainly hope that you only accept your paycheck and turn down any bonuses, as you expect others to do.

      1. LouiseM*

        I don’t think that contradicts Steve’s point–to me the bonus is part of compensation.

        1. krysb*

          Bonuses are usually compensation based on performance. A lot of companies will push C-suite bonuses even when performance was not good.

    7. MuseumChick*

      I think this misses the point. If one employee works on project A and is rewarded extravagantly but another employee works on project B which is similar to or ever more difficult than project A, that is going to breed some serious resentment.

      The idea is to be as fair as possible with everyone. So either everyone who meets certain criteria receive gifts of roughly the same value or no one does.

      1. Steve*

        I was mostly commenting on the chespskate cup example. Of course people should be treated similarly and it would hurt to be the only one left out.

    8. Sci Fi IT Girl*

      The other thing about the bare minimum – if you do the minimum for everyone that is one thing. Many employees may not want to work at a place like than and some folks are more than happy too. However, once one person at work gets more than the minimum (i.e. birthday recognition, retirement gifts, etc.) you now move into (IMO) a sure major negative across the board for pretty much most employees: favoritism territory.

    9. Anion*

      That’s an unpleasant way to characterize people who just want recognition for their hard work.

    10. Alton*

      The paycheck the monetary value of an employee’s time, work, and skills. At the very least, it’s the minimum a company owes someone for their time, though it can also be a means of recruiting and retaining people. If I didn’t get a paycheck, I wouldn’t be doing my job, period.

      Additional recognition is more about showing appreciation for employees who truly go above and beyond or take on duties that wouldn’t normally be included in their job description, and making people feel like a valued member of a team.

      1. Steve*

        How do you want that recognition? By some public ceremony? You can let people know you value them when you assign work, when you review work when their name comes up in conversation. I had a guy, not a boss, give me a patch one time in passing but it meant a lot. So i can see where a cup could have been intended the same. Writing cheapskate on it for months and displaying it is just wrong imo. It is the exact opposite of positive recognition, more akin to contempt. Maybe its clever but the story would have a better ending if she were fired for it. Again my opinion for what its worth.

        1. Alton*

          I would have liked the cup, myself. You didn’t mention that in your first comment, so I was speaking generally.

          There are a lot of ways to show recognition, but it’s noticeable when people are left out or when the the rewards feel too minimal for what is being honored (like a $5 “raise”). I hate being the center of attention, so I wouldn’t enjoy things like being honored at a ceremony, but I do notice it when other people are praised heavily for projects that I worked hard on but received less recognition for.

        2. bephakud*

          That’s just it, recognition is a very personal thing. I’m extremely fortunate to work at a company that takes the time to find out how each person wants to be recognized when s/he goes above & beyond. Some people do want a form of monetary compensation. Others want public acknowledgement, & still others just want a sincere thank-you e-mail.

          Because I know my efforts are recognized & rewarded, I am happy to go above & beyond. Most of last year I worked on a project that required quite a bit of evening & weekend word. Everyone felt bad about how long the project lasted & how many hours I was putting in, I knew I was appreciated. If at the end of the year I had received a mug, I would have been really put out. Instead, I started this year with a great attitude & ready to tackle this year’s projects.

    11. LKW*

      We’re talking about “above and beyond”. Why wouldn’t you want to show appreciation for someone who went beyond their responsibilities?

    12. Petty Editor*

      Did you know that billions are stolen in America every year from employees via wage theft? Think about that in the context of gifts as compensation and what employers should be doing for their employees.

    13. Clarice Fitzpatrick*

      This isn’t about being recognized for simply being at your job but for doing something especially notable such as a big project or staying for a long time. Sure, the paycheck is the compensation, but workplaces and professional fields tend to recognize special work and efforts all the time with awards. It’s a part of saying, “You already do decent work but your work is particularly exceptional for this reason.”

      Additionally, good paychecks and raises do maintain work relationships, but they tend to be somewhat impersonal because it’s the basic fact of compensation. It’s just pleasant to be recognized in other ways with thought and care. It’s similar as to why many people like a workplace where people have some light personal socialization and rapport. Coworkers could interact with everyone only on work-related issue but that can feel cold and isolating for many (though I recognize not everyone).

      Thus, the amount of money and time into a gift generally is paid back and over in retained loyalty and high quality work. When it’s done thoughtlessly, and especially when you have a stark comparison with other coworkers, it can make people feel unappreciated or cogs in a machine. Fact of the matter is, work is where people spend A LOT of their day, and so a workplace being creative and generous in recognizing special efforts can make a workplace feel special and the worker valued.

    14. JB (not in Houston)*

      Everyone likes to be recognized, though (though some people don’t want a big public display of recognition). It’s good for company morale to reward people who go above and beyond. Beyond that, though, there are two things that people are mostly complaining about, both of which can be read to have a metamessage that the employee is unappreciated:

      1) disparity. When some people get spa days and gift cards and you just get a teddy bear, it can make you feel unappreciated
      2) gifts so bad that they are worse than no gift at all. Like giving someone a used gift; something cheap like a tube of chapstick; regifting something the giver clearly got for free; something that looks like the giver just quickly bought the first and cheapest thing they could find in a store; something that anyone who has spent time with the recipient would know wasn’t appropriate; that kind of thing. In that case, it feels like the giver is going out of their way to tell recipient, “this is how little I think of you.”

      In both those kinds of situations, the gift may not be a personal slap in the face, but it’s perfectly natural for the recipient to feel that way.

      1. No*

        I know someone who received a crystal tchotchke engraved with the company logo and ‘ten years’ as an acknowledgement of their tenure. They had worked there twelve years.

        1. not really a lurker anymore*

          Yep, mine was over a year late. It was hand delivered to me by the assistant CEO but he was clearly just dropping it off on his way to a meeting with my manager. So it kinda felt like an afterthought. But I work for local gov’t and didn’t expect anything.

    15. rldk*

      In the cheapskate cup example that you seem to object to the most, it’s largely a mismatch of effort that makes it unpleasant.
      The special project took a huge amount of work above the norm, and the recognition took what appears to be little to no effort and no money. When it’s a gift that is not personalized, cheap/free to the giver, and such a disproportionate response to the amount of work it’s recognizing, I entirely understand why the OP would rather have had no gift than one with so little thought behind it.
      Once an employer has decided to give a gift, as the OP’s boss had, then the gift needs to actually convey the intended meaning. So if the intent is “Thanks for your above-and-beyond work,” a gift that conveys “these mugs are free to the company so here you go” doesn’t quite match up.

      1. Lora*

        Yes to the mismatch of effort.

        There are many projects in my field which can be done by consultants brought in for just the project, if the in-house staff is over capacity. Evaluating a new technology, making recommendation for acquisition, designing a process, writing regulatory applications, etc. Most companies have people both in house and on contract who can do this work. As a result, the in house people often have a very good idea of what it costs to pay someone else to do it. The problem is sometimes companies need things done quickly and don’t have time to evaluate contractor bids, so they beg/plead for an in house person to squeeze it in on top of your regular work.

        If you know for a fact that a project you’ve been assigned to work on in the spare time you don’t actually have would cost $50,000 to bid out to a consultant, and you’re being given a certificate of appreciation in a dollar-store frame for the same effort, it’s…not good.

        If the last time a similar project was assigned in your department, Fergus did $25,000 worth of the $50,000 work and got a promotion and a 10% raise, it’s also not good.

      2. steve*

        That makes sense. Would you agree that once the cheap gift was given there would have been a better way to respond then writing “cheapskate” on it and displaying it for months? The initial gift shows a lack of aprreciation. The “cheapskate” comment shows contempt. Do you agree with that?

        I think a lot of advice comment forums favor clever answers over wise answers. “Cheapskate” was kind of clever.

        1. rldk*

          I don’t know that it shows contempt, but definitely was not the most professional way to handle it. But in her case, it achieved the desired result – the boss was aware that the gift did not convey the intended meaning, and put more effort into future gifts.

    16. StillWork*

      Behavioral studies have shown that people feel more rewarded and motivated when given reinforcement on a random schedule of differing amounts, which is why gambling, for instance, becomes an addiction. Getting the same reward without change (like a paycheck) doesn’t cause the same responses in the brain or body. Extra incentives that go above and beyond are more motivating in the long-term, because that’s how brains are wired. It’s called “intermittent reinforcement” and it’s more motivating long-term than consistent reinforcement. Regardless of how you think people should work or who’s spoiled, consistent reinforcement just doesn’t have the same motivational effect.

      1. Gorgo*

        I think the difference between workplace rewards and gambling is that pulling the lever is the same effort every time. I don’t think slot machines and lab rats are a good predictor of what does and doesn’t serve as encouraging in the workplace.

        1. Indoor Cat*

          Harvard Business School has tested the hypothesis in the workplace and it’s proven to be true: random large rewards, and randomly spaced rewards, work better to motivate than routine praise and recognition. Here’s the study: https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/how-to-demotivate-your-best-employees

          Basically, if an employee knows, “If I do X, I’ll get Y every time,” they’ll do X as many times as they want to get Y, and no more than that, because X takes effort. Whereas if an employee realizes, “If I do X, I get Y every time, but every once in a while I get Z, and Z is amazing!” then they’ll do X as many times as possible in the hope of getting Z.

          It’s, as StillWork says, like slot machines versus vending machines. The minute you don’t get a snack in exchange for your dollar, you stop using the vending machine or assume it’s broken, even if you’ve gotten snacks every other time you paid a dollar. But if a slot machine gives you nothing, nothing, nothing, and and then a HUGE thing, you’re going to keep putting dollars in.

          The catch is, the reward really has to be big and valuable in proportion to the work. You still need the paycheck, but this is something beyond that. Especially motivating are things like fame and recognition, power (generally the power to create a new project or the power to manage other people), a reduction or elimination of tasks a person dislikes, or expensive / cool prizes.

          In many workplaces, this looks like a promotions system. If you do really well, you get promoted into a role where you have fewer tasks you dislike, more power, and more recognition. Promotions aren’t guaranteed and they’re often randomly spaced, but if it’s widely know they are available, employees all work harder to get them, even though not everyone can get promoted.

          In some workplaces, promotions aren’t really an option. In those cases, though, there is value in figuring out a way to reward stellar employees with fame, power, task reduction, or prizes. Otherwise you’re just going to get a workplace where everyone does the minimum required to get a paycheck.

    17. Nesprin*

      My father received a patent for something that would save his company a ton of money and permit them to do new and exciting work. You’d think there’d be a bonus, or a promotion or some sort of recognition that he’d done something above and beyond- they gave him a coffee mug with the caption IDEAS COUNT!!!

    18. BananaStand*

      I’m glad I don’t work for you. If someone goes above and beyond, it’s not spoiled to want to be recognized for your hard work. If you don’t agree with this skip this post and move on.

    19. Harper the Other One*

      If everyone gets a paycheque and no other recognition, fine. (Although hopefully raises/advancement are decided based on performance, not just time in grade.) But you definitely shouldn’t throw parties/give gifts to some people but not others, and it’s pretty tone-deaf to look at people who worked really hard for you and give them something token; at that point, probably sincere words of thanks and praises would be more appreciated than the stuff. One of my most treasured moments at work was when a manager told me that he genuinely had no corporate budget for raises, recognition, etc., but that he really appreciated everything I did and that he considered me a model employee.

    20. Moonlight Elantra*

      I’m so glad I don’t work for you, Steve. You seem to think all employees should fall down at their boss’s feet thanking them for the opportunity to be employed every day. I know people like this in real life, and they are all petty, spiteful people who expect everyone else to be as miserable as they are in their working lives.

      1. steve*

        I dont think that at all. Maybe my work is different from office work, but we dont get cups or awards or anything like that. (I do construction work) The last place I worked gave out plaques for those who had been at the company for over 10 years, but that is the extent of stuff like that. I knew they appreciated my work. They always treated me well. They paid well. I knew who the boss thought did good work and who he thought he could depend on. There is a wide area between falling down at the boss’s feet and thinking that plaques or special prizes or similar are necessary. None of my bossses were petty or spiteful. The people I worked with seemed to enjoy their job. They certainly talked well of the company. Many had been there years.

        If you need a present for doing your job, that is you. I dont agree with that. But there are plenty of jobs out there and you should find the one that fits you.

        1. General Ginger*

          But Steve, look at what you’re saying — your bosses appreciated your work, and they made it known to you. Maybe not through specific gifts, but like you say, they treated you well, they paid you well, they made sure you and your coworkers enjoyed your jobs. Recognition comes in many forms, and that is certainly one of them!

          1. Le Sigh*

            I feel like steve is getting hung up on the tangible gifts specifically, rather than the big picture. The tangible gifts are just one way companies have (sometimes poorly) recognized employees. Recognition can be gifts, but it can also be public or private praise (and factoring it into performance reviews), it can be bonuses, raises, etc. The examples cited are less about what people specifically and more about what they say about the company’s values and the message they’re sending to employees–and how if you’re not employing a thoughtful system, you risk sending a potentially demoralizing message.

            Most of what steve’s listing in his comment above is a form of that recognition, so it sounds like he knew he was valued and the company was good about that. Verbal praise is usually all I get in my job, but often that is more than enough and it’s done in a way that shows they actually value me.

    21. Not a Morning Person*

      A paycheck is not recognition; a paycheck is an exchange and compensation. I exchange my time and energy and productivity for compensation via a paycheck. The recognition is for when I do that job consistently well, or go above and beyond the expectations. I will keep working for a paycheck but I’ll feel better about it and maybe go that extra mile (vs. refusing to go the extra mile since it’s not compensated) again in the future. I’m a sucker for “Thanks! Good job!” but without the compensation I’m not coming to work.

    22. KR*

      I’m gonna be straight with you, I’m motivated as hell by my paycheck but I am also motivated as hell by company swag, nicely catered meetings, fun team outings, and delicious food. If there’s one thing our team doesn’t skimp on it’s taking people out to eat and and I love it because I love food. Money is nice but sometimes you want to feel appreciated even more.

    23. Brett*

      Realize, though, many workplaces that are poor at recognition are also unlikely to recognize their employee through their paycheck.

    24. Anon attorney*

      “What are you guys griping about? Of course I value you, you still work here don’t you?”

      In law firms sometimes the only indication that you’re valued is that they keep giving you work. I don’t think anyone here is talking about being thanked for doing the basic job (although that’s actually courtesy and good management in itself) but about unequal treatment and failure to recognise exceptional work and effort.

      Why be stingy in recognising what people bring to the workplace? Appreciation is free and most tangible rewards are much cheaper than recruitment. I just don’t get the “so you get paid what more do you want?” mindset.

    25. Lady Russell's Turban*

      Our hourly, union employees will sometimes have to put in *extra* work and effort to accomplish an additional task or meet a non-routine goal. We know it is stressful. Of course they are paid their hourly or overtime wage for the time they work but we always bring in pizza, salad, cookies, and beverages during and sometimes afterwards and the managers make sure to thank the entire crew for their efforts. Yes, we’ve paid them but we want them to know we APPRECIATE the work they did, their flexibility in a non-standard work situation, and the extra effort they made.

  7. Zeph*

    My entire department usually does the cake and card thing for every single person’s birthday. My birthday was in October. The previous day someone who knew it was my birthday asked in our open plan set of desks with everyone in earshot what I was doing for it and I answered. The following day, I wait and wait and wait for the ‘hey randomly come to the conference room’ ruse. Nada. Time comes to leave and I’m trying to be cool while not showing how crestfallen I am. Go on the next day trying to be a damn adult who doesn’t care that her colleagues obviously don’t value me as highly as I do them and I get a lovely flower delivery with this note from my sister: “Happy birthday! Sorry your coworkers suck, you deserved better”.

    And then my clueless and shitty boss comes over and asks why I got flowers. I respond it was my birthday yesterday and my sister was just late (because I didn’t trust myself to get into the confrontation about it). And he says in an odd joking and accusing way: Way to keep it a secret! Then he turned and walked away. Not even a happy birthday or any remorse. And no one else in my 15-person open plan department chimed in either. BTW no one but me saw the card because it was in a sealed envelope, but I severely wished I had taped it to my monitor after the fact.

    2. Millennial Lawyer*

      Is it possible the person who actually sets up the birthday parties didn’t know it was your birthday? I feel like if an office chooses to celebrate all staff birthdays, it should be responsible and not you, but your manager’s comment comes off more like “oh I guess you hadn’t wanted any fanfare” not like taunting you for being slighted.

        1. Millennial Lawyer*

          I was reading it as “how odd you wouldn’t tell anyone, in contrast to our establish norms, but I’ll respect that I guess!” But you’re right, it also could have been “hm clearly you must have been hiding it, because I would never have made a mistake!”

        2. Decima Dewey*

          It’s not that hard to find out when a new staffer’s birthday is. It shows up in paperwork, or, if you work for my library, it’s in the Demographics section of their library card record. The only time I wouldn’t do something for a staffer’s birthday would be if they said they don’t want a fuss made over it, or if I know that they belong to a religious group that doesn’t celebrate birthdays.

      2. Zeph*

        Showing up late to reply to this but no, the people who organize these things did know. It just didn’t happen. This was also on my 3rd year of being here with only one birthday recognized in that time.

    3. Beehoppy*

      My first year at current job-one of my coworkers started talking very excitedly about my birthday the week before. She was going to bring in cupcakes, we were all going to go out to lunch, yada yada yada. I excitedly looked forward to the big day and . . . nothing. She “ran out of time” to bake. The big lunch outing was her driving me to Chipotle to buy my own burrito and eating it in the office kitchen with one other coworker (my nemesis) and her husband who didn’t even work for the company while they talked about their recent living room remodel. I posted something on FB, and later in the day a friend showed up at the office with gourmet cupcakes she had taken off work to bring me. I hid them in the coat closet so I didn’t have to share.

      And then a month later I instituted a Birthday Prize Wheel that everyone loves.

    4. Amy Farrah Fowler*

      Ummm, yeah, I’m the one in charge of recognizing birthdays at my company. I have a calendar with EVERYONE’S birthdays on it and I get email reminders of the calendar, so that I can send out an email telling everyone that it’s Alyssa’s (or whoever’s) birthday and how much we appreciate their work. (We’re mostly all remote, so we can’t do a cake and card type thing, but we find other ways to recognize people).

      I love doing it because I love birthdays, but it is a stressful responsibility because I constantly fear that I will forget or be sick on a day that’s someone’s birthday, or something. I would be absolutely mortified if I left someone out or didn’t get the message out.

      1. Starley*

        Someone here does that as well, and at some point I dropped off the list I guess? I thought I was back on it this year when I came in and found a card on my desk that morning, but then I opened it and realized it was for a coworker. They’d just left it for me to sign. Most years I just kind of eye roll and move on but this year, I’ll be honest, it was a little demoralizing to come in to the reminder that it’s just me who gets forgotten.

        1. Luna*

          Similar thing happened to me. At CurrentJob everyone always gets at least a card on their birthday, sometimes cake if they are a favorite. On my birthday? Nothing, not even the card- though my boss did stop by to ask me to sign someone else’s card that had a birthday coming up a few days after mine.

          1. Decima Dewey*

            At the job that I took to put me through library school, my birthday was the same as the firm’s compliance offer. I’d give him a slice of my cake, he’d give me a slice of his.

          2. Cheesehead*

            Old job celebrated birthdays. Eventually, I went part time b/c my kids were little. I had been after them to get a promotion….basically kept asking for clarification as to what I needed to do to get one (the requirements kept changing, which reinforced what I suspected: that I wasn’t one of the favorites so I’d never actually get that promotion.) So birthdays weren’t huge things in our department, but they were acknowledged…..a card was generally circulated and people might decorate your cube or something. Well, I’d taken a vacation day for my birthday, so I thought I’d get the usual card and well wishes the day before. Nope. Then there was a bowling outing that we had every year right afterward, and I thought they’d acknowledge it there. I mean, they ALWAYS acknowledged birthdays. Nope. Nothing. I remember how the sinking feeling just grew and grew as I realized that they just weren’t going to acknowledge my birthday AT ALL. They never said a word about it that year. And let me tell you, when the next birthday card was circulated for everyone to sign, I REALLY did not want to sign it. I mean, seriously, just b/c I took a vacation day and wasn’t there on my actual birthday, you can’t even get me a card and still say Happy Birthday? But you expect me to celebrate everyone else’s?

        2. Teddie Kuma*

          Very late in the game here, but ha – happened to me last year.

          Normally, someone from our team will schedule a lunch out at the choice of the b-day celebrant (usually somewhere near the office). There were no invites sent out for mine last year. Sometimes may lunch can be scheduled weeks late (or moved) depending on how busy everyone is at the current time, but there’s always a lunch out for whoever is celebrating.

          I’m usually pretty low-key on my birthdays, but it is a bit disappointing for everyone not to have remembered – especially when they still throw out invites for people who are no longer part of our team (but still in our building). Also – it’s not that they really forgot… everyone’s birthday is noted in our shared calendar, same as the others.

          I decided to take the weekend off and emailed everyone as a heads-up that I’m taking a birthday weekend off – and someone piped up, “oh, why didn’t you tell us it’s your birthday!”

          I replied, “um, it’s in the calendar…” :P Also, I don’t usually go around announcing to everyone it’s my birthday out of nowhere.

          1. Teddie Kuma*

            I forgot to mention everyone at the lunch pays for the celebrant’s lunch, so birthday person has a free lunch.

            My birthday is coming up, so let’s see if they will remember.

      2. smoke tree*

        I’ll be honest, I hate being the centre of attention and I always hope that something like this will happen and I’ll get forgotten. But if this sort of thing is important to you, I can see how it would hurt to feel excluded!

        1. Reinhardt*

          At my office my department does a small potluck for all birthdays that month and sings happy birthday (deliberately badly). The company also does monthly birthday and anniversary gathering with cake or ice cream.

          I’m like you though, and hate being the center of attention for anything not work related so I always skip these events. I even asked the person in my department to take my birthday off their list.

        2. Amy Farrah Fowler*

          We’re pretty low-key, since we’re mostly remote, it’s just an email that goes out letting everyone know. But I do understand there are people that prefer not to celebrate birthdays. I did actually reach out to one coworker when I found out she was a Jehovah’s witness to ask how she’d prefer me to handle it. She said that what we normally do is fine.

          If you worked at my company and asked not to be recognized, I’d absolutely honor that request.

          1. smoke tree*

            I wish our birthday organizer took your approach! She’s an extremely nice person but it makes her feel so bad to leave anyone out that everyone has to have a celebration, even though I suspect a good proportion of my coworkers would rather not.

      3. yasmara*

        My boss gives us the day off for our birthday – or a different day close to your birthday of your choice. Best. Office. Birthday. Gift. Ever.

        Otherwise, the general tradition in previous departments was that you had to bring in something to celebrate your birthday with everyone else in your department (doughnuts, cookies, cake, etc.), which I always thought was lame and weird. A free day off is so much better.

      4. Marian Librarian*

        Can you put it on your calendar rather than rely on the list? When I started doing that it was much easier to remember.

    5. Somniloquist*

      Oh man, this reminds me of Ex ToxicJob. First team birthday, the admin and boss go all out, conference room, tablecloth and specially ordered gourmet cookie cake because the guy doesn’t like cake or can’t have gluten or something. Second team birthday, the admin was in a crisis, so I literally took a train during work at my boss’ request to get special cupcakes and it was a whole shebang with congratulations and whatever.

      My birthday. Not only did they not mention it, but the evening before my big friends’ dinner, my crappy boss kept me late on a bs assignment, calling me at 4:45pm and asking for a report that would take 2 hours minimum to complete. The next work day, knowing I was pissed, one of my coworkers called my boss/admin out in a nice way. Their response was to call me into my boss’ office that afternoon and present to me stale breakfast danishes left over from a morning meeting that ended. THEN my boss bullied me into eating one in front of everyone while pretending to enjoy it, while no one else ate a single one (because they were gross).

    6. Lizzy*

      My first year at current job and nothing happens for my birthday. I felt kind of slighted, but just figured the company didn’t do much for birthdays (I had only been here a couple of months) and/or that it got forgotten in the holidays (my birthday is 12/22).
      Fast-forward to January, and the person in charge of birthdays at the time stuck her head around the corner of my cubie – “Hey, when’s your birthday?” Me: December 22 Her: F%@k!
      I know now it was a total accident, so I don’t feel bad at all, but I do think her reaction was pretty funny…

      In the effort of being fair, my grandparents would always get my sister and I the same birthday present. Made perfect sense and was absolutely ok, except my sister’s birthday is 2 weeks before mine, so I *always* knew what I would be getting… just 2 weeks later lol

      1. This Daydreamer*

        Ha! I kind of love the birthday captain’s response. I hope she made it up to you the next year.

      2. Elizabeth West*

        Aww. I would have done an unbirthday-birthday the very next day. Like “Hey! We missed Lizzy’s birthday on 12/22! Happy Belated Birthday!” confetti, noisemakers, etc. and everything just like it was for an actual birthday.

        And LOL my mum had to get my sister and I similar things when we were kids or we’d whine and squabble (we’re a year apart). Example: A little plastic brush and mirror set–pink for her, yellow for me. But they were exactly the same.

      3. Detective Amy Santiago*

        my gram used to buy all the grandkids the same Christmas presents (though often in different colors) and make us open them at the same time so the big family joke was always “what color did you get?”

        1. nym*

          My dad always got me and my brother the same gifts for Xmas, which made shopping easy for him. At the time I was disappointed, but now?

          Those gifts included a drill and bit set, screwdrivers, tape measure, mixing bowls, measuring cups… kitchen and workshop stuff that as an adult, have far more utility than any kid-oriented gift I ever got from any other relatives. I can honestly say they are the only gifts from my childhood that I still have and use thirty years later.

    7. Jayne*

      In my department, originally we did birthday cakes for individuals. When that became too much, they did a cake per month for all the birthdays in that month. Again, too much. So, we are down to passing around a birthday card and signing it. However, somehow in the transition, I am on the “sign the birthday cards” list but not on the “get a birthday card” list. So, for the last two years, I have signed birthday card after birthday card, but gotten none.

      It is petty, but I imagine that my boss has no idea of how I feel less a member of the team in the week surrounding my birthday.

      In contrast, when I did a big project for another department so far out of my job description that I had to take leave to do it, they nominated me for both an organizational and state-wide award.

    8. Virtue*

      My first full year at current job, it was a big number birthday, and I was asked when it was and what it was and they said they’d do something…

      And zip. But they did it for everyone else, so I expect that most of what happened was they forgot, like, honestly, because my boss did come find me when they realized they had, and apologized in a very sincere way. (My birthday falls on/around Thanksgiving, and that’s one of the days we’re closed and have some weird scheduling the day before it.)

    9. Julia*

      Oh, you work for my former boss! I once had like two or three vases of flowers on my desk for my birthday (my department hated me but almost everyone else seemed to love me) and my boss came over, looked, and said “don’t spill any of that water”. Thanks, boss, how sweet!

    10. Clewgarnet*

      I’ve never worked anywhere where birthdays are recognised by the company.

      People might bring in cakes/doughnuts/homemade samosas for their own birthday, but there’s never anything done by the company itself.

      I’m much happier with it like that – it’s people’s own choice as to whether to celebrate their birthday, and nobody feels slighted for being left out. (Well, apart from me because I’m invariably working from home when the homemade samosas are brought in, and, damn, those are good.)

    11. Josie*

      When I started at my present job, I noticed that everyone had a list of everyone’s birthday at their desk. When new admin staff was hired, the list was promptly updated and sent to everyone but my name and birthday was not on it. I was working 5 months in when it came into my birthday. I mentioned lots of times to various people that I was taking the day off to celebrate my birthday. Although other people often do this, their birthdays are celebrated the day before they take time off then. I got nothing. Next new hire’s birthday was 1 month after her hire date, birthday list was update, and she got the usual birthday she-bang. One year into my job, my birthday is still not on the list. Honestly, I don’t want a birthday party of sorts. I feel guilty if they buy me cake, because I don’t like to eat cake. I also don’t like being the center of attention, so I’m mostly relieved I’m not on the list. It’s still a bittersweet, but I get tons of recognition at work otherwise.

  8. Malibu Stacy*

    Not professional recognition, but as a career admin if I had a dime for every wedding shower, baby shower, funeral flower etc party/gift that I shopped for and coordinated over the years at a handful of jobs I’d be rich.

    I have never been married nor had a kid so no chance of any of this being reciprocated – until last year when I donated a kidney to friend. I didn’t get anything from my work; not even a cheap Hallmark Get Well card. All I got was complaints about people having to do my work when I was on medical leave.

    1. CMDRBNA*

      This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I would really prefer that workplaces stop doing things like baby showers and start recognizing professional achievements, like finishing a degree program.

      As a fellow not married, no kids-having person, it is kind of annoying being hit up constantly for wedding shower and baby gifts. It’s not that those aren’t joyous occasions, I just think it’s a little odd to celebrate those in the workplace.

      1. ragazza*

        It really does leave a lot of people out, and you’re right, professional achievements are much more relevant. I’m graduating from my master’s program in a month, thanks to a scholarship program FROM MY COMPANY, so if I don’t get a party after all the showers I’ve contributed to, I am definitely going to say something.

        2. Magenta Sky*

          I feel the same way, but good luck convincing the unwashed masses.

          (I mean, really, procreating is a basic biological function that virtually every living thing can and will accomplish during their lifetimes, so “Congratulations! You’ve done what any amoeba can do! Even though an amoeba could have done it alone and you needed help” seems a little overdone. But I know I’m the weird one on this.)

          1. Environmental Gone Public Health Gone Back Environmental*

            I’m stealing your amoeba comment for future use.

            (I also find it a bit much to do legit showers in the workplace. Cake day? Absolutely. I love me some cake. I don’t mind little bitty celebrations like that for most anything. But showers, with gifts off the registry, and expectations to put in a certain amount? No, thanks!)

          3. all aboard the anon train*

            Uh. I generally agree that giving birth isn’t anything unusual and don’t really understand why people treat it like it’s some special occurrence that no one else has ever done, but not virtually every living being can and will procreate. I’m infertile. Even if I wanted to have kids, I can’t biologically have them, and comments like this tend to overlook that not every woman has that “basic” function and is a little dismissive.

              1. SarahTheEntwife*

                But if you’re talking about humans, it’s not even “virtually all”. A significant number of people either can’t have kids or choose not to. Dismissing us as a statistical nonentity is kind of weird.

              2. Anon Today*

                Doubling down on your comment makes it even worse. In my experience, when you’re infertile, it’s always on your mind. Having people callously point out that you’re broken and it’s super easy for “virtually everyone” else in unnecessarily hurtful. And it’s not true. A lot more people deal with this than you probably realize, but its so stigmatized culturally that it’s very hidden.

              3. all aboard the anon train*

                That makes it even worse because it’s pointing out that everyone else has this easy, basic function and implies I’m broken and unusual.

            2. New hiring manager*

              Yeah, I was going to say this. Thanks for the reminder that my body can’t do what “virtually every living thing” can do. *eye roll*

          4. Oxford Coma*

            I’ve always used cockroaches as the example in a similar rant, but referencing asexual reproduction is SO MUCH BETTER. *steals*

          5. Cedrus Libani*

            I can see the utility of showers. If someone in your inner circle has an expensive life event, like a new baby or a new household, you pool your resources to help them, knowing you’ll get the same help when you need it. It’s ad hoc insurance.

            It’s just weird at work. Generally, co-workers aren’t part of your risk pool. So you’re not going to get serious money, or truckloads of diapers…you’re going to get cake. At that point, there’s no real reason why babies and birthdays receive cake, while degrees and promotions don’t, except that it’s tradition.

            2. yasmara*

              It’s also weird if you’re the one who doesn’t get the office shower when other women do…

          6. Not a Mere Device*

            Human women, unlike amoebas, don’t usually die as part of reproduction (it’s not technically “death” in the amoeba, but the original amoeba no longer exists). I have no children, by choice, but it’s pretty obvious that carrying a pregnancy to term is a significant amount of work.

      2. Malibu Stacy*

        I have organized parties and happy hours for graduations from college, grad school & professional certification programs, too.

        1. CMart*

          My little department took me out for lunch to celebrate my passing my final CPA exam, it was really thoughtful!

          We also throw baby/wedding showers etc… but they’re by and large an excuse to dip into a conference room and eat cake and refresh your coffee for an hour than any sort of “get this person a gift” obligation.

      3. She's One Crazy Diamond*

        I am in a serious relationship that I hope becomes a marriage and I want kids and I agree with you! Let me celebrate my personal life on my own time, I don’t want to do it with coworkers while I’m on the clock because it takes me away from the work I actually need to get done.

        1. EddieSherbert*

          +1 I’m in the middle of planning of a wedding and have firmly said no bridal shower (in personal or professional life) and SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN UPSET WITH ME ABOUT IT. It’s bizarre-o!

      5. plot device*

        I am a married, kid-having person, and I *still* would like to not participate in wedding showers and baby gifts at work.

        I’m not a total Scrooge. By all means, if you are close enough with your co-worker, please celebrate with him/her individually! Give them that handmade baby blanket (made of acrylic yarn so it’s washable, and also remember that babies shouldn’t sleep with blankets for the first year) privately.

        But the office gift? Please let’s not.

        1. Positive Reframer*

          Cotton is generally considered better for baby blankets and is washable (that’s what handmade washcloths are made of generally). The concern with acrylic is that in case of a fire it melts and can cause far more damage than a natural fiber like cotton which just burns. TBH I don’t really pay a ton of attention to it either way but thought I would offer the dissenting option.

      6. stitchinthyme*

        I would add that even if every single person in the office was on the receiving end at some point or another, these things just don’t belong in an office environment. My current company gets a cake or cupcakes at the end of every month for everyone who has a birthday in that month (since everyone has a birthday), and that’s it — it’s not even really a party, as people just kind of wander in, get their slice of cake, maybe say “happy birthday” to the appropriate people (their names are typically on a little sign since our admin finally got tired of answering the “Who had birthdays this month?” question), and go back to work; there is no singing or decorations or anything like that. If someone has a baby or gets married, they might send out a congratulatory email, but that’s about all. There’s no need or reason to celebrate everyone’s personal stuff in the office — let the person’s friends and relatives plan those parties outside work hours.

        Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever worked in an office where wedding or baby showers were a thing. Maybe it’s because I work in a male-dominated field.

      7. Alton*

        I’m not really opposed to them on principle, but it kind of weirds me out in a personal level because I see stuff like getting married as personal and can’t imagine wanting to make a big deal about it at work. It depends on the office, too. Something like a congratulations card would be appreciated, but if I worked with people who kept asking about my wedding plans or something, then I’d rather avoid the topic. A lot of the traditions around marriage and weddings make me uncomfortable, so I wouldn’t want to feel like I was being pushed to acknowledge it in a way I didn’t want.

        1. Grapey*

          +1
          I got a “Have SO much fun tomorrow! And on your honeymoon! And we will see you in two weeks!” and it was all I needed from my peers.

      8. Not a Mere Device*

        I tried to dodge the celebration at work by not telling anyone I was getting married until afterwards, and then leaving it as a very low-key non-announcement:

        Boss: How was your day off?
        Me: Good: I got married.

        They had a celebration, I think in part because “everyone likes cake” and in part because otherwise I’d have had to explain that I didn’t want one, and maybe even why. I got to choose a kind of cake flavor, and everyone got a break from work and some good chocolate cake.

        The reason they did it that way was that I didn’t give them the chance to throw a shower. The only coworker who knew I was getting married was a friend I had referred to the job: he had to know, because he was married to my best friend, who was our witness.

        1. Rebecca in Dallas*

          Haha, I think I’ve shared the story about one of my coworkers getting married on his lunch break! It was pretty funny, our office really likes to do (fairly low-key) parties for weddings, babies, retirements, etc. And he just casually announced it like you did! Everyone was so flabbergasted. He and his long-time girlfriend had decided to get married pretty quickly and they just went to the courthouse one day and did it. Then he came back to work!

        2. Lizzy*

          HAHA!!! My friend did that once, except she didn’t tell them she got married. She just started wearing a ring on that finger and a couple of weeks someone goes “wait… what???”

      9. CMDRBNA*

        Also, how about a token of appreciation for everyone who didn’t go on three months of maternity leave?

        I’m glad my company offers maternity leave, I think everyone should have paid maternity/paternity/adoption leave, I 100% support policies that enable people to have a sane work-life balance, but at my last company, six people were on overlapping maternity leave and everyone who didn’t have a kid had to majorly step up and travel an insane amount for nearly a year, and we never even got a thank-you or an acknowledgement that our 30% travel jobs had suddenly turned into 75% travel jobs.

      10. Harper the Other One*

        My work gave me a baby shower when I was pregnant, and I was very grateful for their kindness – but it did strike me as a bit awkward. It was retail, so a ton of the employees were teens/young 20s and kids were far in the future for most of them, and they didn’t recognize graduations etc. the same way.

    3. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

      I can relate! I was actually joking about this with my husband the other day. My husband and I planned our wedding in 2 weeks, so I didn’t have a bridal shower, and we don’t have kids, so I have never had a shower or a major celebration thrown for me. But between work and my personal life, I have thrown, attended, or shopped for so many showers and/or celebrations. I joked with my husband that the next time we adopt a dog (we have a lot of dogs), we should have a dog adoption shower.

      1. WellRed*

        We threw a puppy shower one time for a coworker. She’d been having a really difficult year so it was an easy way toahave some fun and express our appreciation in general.

        2. AJK*

          We did this for a coworker too! In part because she was never married, and had no kids, but over her many years at our company she had contributed to goodness knows how many baby and wedding showers (including mine) and it was the first puppy she had ever adopted. It was a way to show our appreciation, but she did get lots of useful stuff and advice from our dog loving coworkers!

      2. Former Govt Contractor*

        My husband and I are unable to have children, but we have purchased a bazillion baby shower, first communion, confirmation, birthday, graduation, Christmas, etc. gifts for all our MANY nieces and nephews. So I tried an experiment before Christmas one year. After asking for gift ideas for each niece/nephew, I followed up by saying, “Oh and Sally (my pit bull) loves chicken jerky!” Everyone just laughed, and Sally got nothing for Christmas. She was part of the family as far as I’m concerned – she just passed away 3 weeks ago at age 16. My nieces and nephews grew up with her. : (

        1. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

          Oh, I am so sorry for your loss! I am sending hugs your way.

        2. Harper the Other One*

          Sally sounds like she was a sweetheart; I’m sorry for your loss. I wish I could go back in time and give her all the chicken jerky.

        4. Rebecca in Dallas*

          I’m so sorry about Sally!

          All of the dogs (and cats!) in our family get gifts, I make sure to shop specifically for a toy for them. We sign it like it came from our pets. Most of our family took their cue from us and give our pets gifts as well! Plus it’s an easy way to keep the dogs entertained while everyone is opening gifts.

        6. Cornflower Blue*

          I’m sorry about your Sally. 16 years is a good long age though so I’m sure she knew that you loved her and looked after her the best she could.

          Also, I totally give gifts to people’s pets and gifts to my parents FROM my dog because I’ve told them he’s the only grandchild they’re getting from me. And he gets gifts for Christmas as well, and his birthday.

    4. Work Wardrobe*

      Represent!

      Don’t invite me to a baby shower lunch (on my dime) for a coworker making 40% more than me AND tell me to pitch in for a $400 stroller. I don’t even like her and I have no children.

      Why would I spend $40 on a co-worker’s baby?

    5. Jen in Oregon*

      Malibu Stacy, I am so sorry that your coworkers suck. I know it’s not the same, but I think that you are awesome for doing that and I hope you are able to surround yourself with people who can see that and that can appreciate you the way you deserve, at least when you aren’t at work.

  9. Enough*

    CrystalMama and Steve – you are missing the point. If there is going to be a recognition of work above and beyond or of personal milestones you don’t go cheap or show favoritism. Do it right or don’t do it at all.

    1. Kyrielle*

      THIS. My current job does bonus plans across the board, for groups, but not so much special recognition for individuals. And we don’t celebrate birthdays, and the company does nothing special when someone is leaving. All of which is fine by me and didn’t even occur to me until this post and the comments!

      But when, at a previous job, some things were handled unequally (and occasionally some very weak “rewards” were given out – I mean, I’d rather have had just a thank-you note), that was annoying. (Not a huge deal. Just annoying. I mean, it’s not the end of the world or anything. But it’s not great or even helpful.)

    2. LouiseM*

      I agree–and personally, I would go for “don’t do it at all.” At ToxicOldJob we were compensated very poorly and the gifts we sometimes got for birthdays, etc. felt like a slap in the face. I love cupcakes, but I’d REALLY love a living wage.

    3. Who the eff is Hank?*

      This x 1000. At a previous job, I got engaged during the same week as my coworker (same level in the company). He got a bottle of champagne from the CEO and cupcakes delivered to the office (which he shared with everyone). I didn’t get anything except for “Congrats!” from a few people. It’s not that I expected cupcakes and champagne from my work for getting engaged. I expected equal treatment, and it was glaringly obvious I wasn’t getting it. Not surprisingly, that inequality also showed up in our paychecks.

    4. BananaStand*

      Thank you! Can we just have nice things for once? I just wanted to read funny stories without any sanctimonious comments

      2. crookedfinger*

        Right?? If you don’t care for gifts or think they’re necessary, you could just…not comment on this post. lol

    5. Grumpy*

      It’s sort of like leaving a terrible tip and expecting the server to be grateful because tipping is always optional.
      Technically true, but it actually implies something very different.

  10. GigglyPuff*

    My recognition expectations are so low and not even those are met. All I’ve ever wanted is a “nice job”. Or couple years ago, after a few years of work I got a certificate for specialized work, that actually relates to what I do, and is really gaining as a standard, you see it on an increasing amount of job postings for my work. When I passed the examination, and told my manager, not even a “congrats”. I was really proud of myself, especially since professional development is not something that is even encouraged since there’s no money for it, it completely demoralized me.

    1. Rikki Tikki Tarantula*

      My expectations for recognition got so low at ToxicJob that when I started freelancing and clients said things like “Great work! Thank you!” I was suspicious of their motives, thinking: What are they really trying to say? Is this some kind of subterfuge?

      1. You're welcome*

        Meanwhile I once worked in a retail establishment where the manager’s last words to each person as either he or they were leaving were always “Thank you!” Every day.

        1. Strawmeatloaf*

          Ha, I now have it ingrained in me to say “Thank you” for pretty much every interaction with a stranger instead of “you’re welcome” because of years being a cashier at a grocery store where we had to say Thank You to every customer who came in.

          I’m not sure how to re-wire my brain to stop doing that.

    2. LKW*

      I had to tell a boss once that I like hearing “Thank you” and that I would like it if she said it every so often. She was a terrible manager. I was not said to see her fired.

    3. PW*

      Sounds like my workplace. I would be fine with a “thanks” or “nice job” as well. I don’t even need gifts.

      I work for a government agency and our dumpster fire of a boss has barely been in the office the past several months. He claims he works from home and then when he does come in he often leaves after a few hours because he says he has comp time coming from working at home too much. When he is here he often hangs out in the back office talking about everything other than work-related issues. He also has a cruel and vicious streak a mile long. If he doesn’t like you he will try and make your life miserable. At least once a week someone goes home in tears.

      To make a long story short – we have been doing most of his work for him. He signs us up for charity events and other events then neglects to tell us until right before the date leaving people scrambling to get coverage (he never goes to these things himself). We have received next to no thanks or recognition for this extra work (often working overtime and neglecting vacations and sick time to cover his work). Not a verbal thanks or even an e-mail of thanks. Zero. Zip. Nada.

      Last Christmas one of our clerks asked him if he wanted to send any appreciation to the staff or give us small gifts since our morale was so bad. He said no. Then he had the audacity to send a list of what he wanted us to buy him for Christmas (we usually contribute money towards his Christmas gifts), including expensive lights for his office and a tall plant for his office (he said that tall plants “calm him”). I was so appalled that I contributed nothing to his gift. We only raised about $70 and used Sunshine Fund money (money we use for parties, etc.) to cover the rest of his gifts.

      5. Anjay*

        Wow. I don’t know what level of government you work for or what country, but if you’re talking in the U.S.? It’s standard in lots of jurisdictions to ban gifting upwards except under certain circumscribed circumstances, and “my boss wants expensive stuff for Christmas” isn’t one of those reasons. Maybe this practice could be curtailed?

  11. Bend & Snap*

    I once had a referral bonus revoked when the person quit after the 90-day employment requirement for me to get the bonus. Never went out of my way to refer anyone again.

    My current company has a formal program in place for milestone work anniversaries. There’s a pin and a catalogue of gifts to choose from. I got a Vera Wang crystal vase for my 5-year anniversary. It’s a nice way to commemorate the anniversary.

    1. CMDRBNA*

      I feel you – my terrible previous employer had an employee referral bonus program that was pretty explicitly laid out in their handbook. I had a great temp who had temped for me a few times that I was trying to get them to hire, in any department (just one of those people who is a delight to work with) and it took almost two years of her intermittently temping before I got her an interview and an offer from another department.

      Our Clueless HR Lady then gave the referral bonus (which was pretty substantial) to someone else who had referred her to me for the first short-term temp position two years ago. (She also violated the policy which required something like them being full time for six months or whatever).

      I ended up getting a small amount because I had a year-long email trail of me trying to get this person hired.

      If you’re going to have policies like employee referral bonuses, then follow your own damn policy! It just created a lot of bad blood.

    2. BurnOutCandidate*

      I moved about the time of my fifth anniversary, so when the catalog of gifts arrived I threw it in a box and forgot about it, until about sixth months before my tenth anniversary. None of the gifts in the catalog were worth more than about twenty-five dollars, as I priced some of them online after I found the catalog again. I wasn’t sure if the code would still work, so I went ahead and tried it. It did, and I got a Hamilton Beach blender, since I didn’t have a blender and it seemed like a practical gift. It’s not a very good blender.

      When the tenth anniversary catalog arrived for me about six months later, it had basically the same gifts. Again, nothing more than about forty dollars. I got a pots and pans set; again, a practical gift as there were a couple of pot sizes I didn’t have. Honestly, after using some of these pots a few times, I’m thinking that was another waste of an anniversary gift.

      1. Her Blondeness*

        I think we work for the same company. Cheap stuff in a catalog that I really don’t need as an appreciation. How about a floating holiday for each five year segment? That would be worthwhile.

        Bonus points: One’s direct boss is supposed to present your milestone plaque (5, 10, 15 years, etc.) at a staff meeting or other group event. I’m going on 15 years and this has.never.happened to me. Those plaques? Thrown in a closet somewhere collecting dust.

        Bonus, bonus points: Current department has a monthly newsletter. They call out work anniversaries and birthdays for each month. Neither of mine have been correct for the past three years since joining the team, and I’ve emailed the correction to the newsletter editor, at her request, all three times.

        Yep, I feel soooooooo appreciated .

      2. Arjay*

        I got earrings from the catalog for my tenth anniversary at old job. New job, you get a pen at one year, a mug at fice years, and a polo shirt at 10. Fancy!

      3. Jayne*

        We had established levels of anniversary gifts:
        5 years-nada
        10 years-lunch
        15 years-lunch
        20 years-lunch
        25 and on up-dinner, with the higher milestones getting a watch (3o years) and eventually a lamp (35 years).

        With a new administration, they have condensed the 10-20 years to a reception, no lunch. Some of us 20 yearers were joking today about how they were going to keep on moving the goalposts, so lunch or dinner was never going to happen. Comments were made about how we were worth more at our 15 year milestones than at our 20 year.

      4. Code Monkey, the SQL*

        That sounds like the recognition catalog from when I worked retail. If the store met X + 15% quota for a month, you got a scratch-off. The scratch-off had a random category, and you could pick from any of three or four items in that category. Of course, the top-shelf categories were very glitzy: Vera Wang wristlet! Calaphon cookware! 250$ at Tiffany’s!

        I worked there three years, and won: a set of mixing bowls, a store gift card (10 bucks), and once, a Macy’s card for 50$. Our store usually cleared quota, but the benchmark was always “whatever the store did last year, +10%). So the target was always getting harder and harder to hit.

    3. Detective Amy Santiago*

      My old job did a $25 gift card of your choice after 3 years and a $50 gift card of your choice after 5 years. You got an email with a link to a website and you could pick from there and it was sent directly to you.

    5. My AAM is True*

      I think I received a tie tack at the five-year mark, or maybe at ten. At twenty years, I earned a good parking space. At twenty-five, I could select from a catalog of roughly $500 items. At thirty, I received a paper notebook, plus a renovation of the whole facility that changed some rules and demoted me from office to cubicle. They’re fair but a little tone-deaf.

  12. voyager1*

    Okay the coffee cup isn’t that bad.

    It isn’t like your company gave you one of those “big” $1,000 bonuses that POTUS and his tax cut plan brought forth… only to be taxed at 23% (law is 22%) and then your paycheck gets taxed at same rate too because the company is too lazy to separate them, so you end up giving the government a nice extra $354.29 out of your pocket interest free. Oh I know I will get it back in my return in 2019….

    I am just slightly bitter…..

    So can I have one of those coffee cups? :)

    1. fposte*

      That’s the withholding rate, though, not the actual tax rate. You won’t pay more tax on your paycheck as a result (and you can always change the withholding if you want to pay less).

      1. voyager1*

        You are right withholding rate is the proper term. But still every other large bank and credit union I have worked has never done this for bonuses. It was just laziness on their part not to set this up like it should have been… two separate direct deposits.

        1. fposte*

          Yeah, it sounds like they’ve gotten confused about the difference between a flat rate and a percentage approach to the bonus, and the 23% thing is weird. But it least it doesn’t mean you get less money out of it in the long run.

          1. Positive Reframer*

            Not true, because of inflation that $350 is worth less a year from now than it is today. Granted only like 1% less but still when you let someone have your money interest free you are loosing money when they pay you back the original amount in almost all cases.

            Another way to look at it is, what if someone decided to live on the amount they were supposed to have and took out a loan as they went along, they would come out way behind because they would have to pay interest on the money that they were borrowing that should have been in their pocket all along.

            1. fposte*

              Fair enough, but that’s true of any over-withholding, and you can change your withholding to get it back earlier if you want.

    2. Temping all the way*

      Oh, this reminds me. I worked in a factory as an agency temp ~20 years ago. They had a target for the quarter, and said if we all worked hard and hit it, we’d get a $300 bonus. (For context, at the time I was paying $400 / month for a 1 bedroom apartment. This was a lot of money in this place and time.) We hit the target, and new GM had a celebratory picnic (on a Thursday) and personally passed out envelopes.

      Regular employees opened the envelope to find $300 cash. Woohoo! Temps like me opened the envelope to find a note saying we’d the $300 with our regular check on Friday (payday). We were a bit disappointed, but hey, temps are always second class citizens, whatever.

      On Friday, we temps received two checks, our regular one and the bonus one, with the higher withholding rate only on the bonus. Hey, withholding sucks, but it’s still extra money. The regular employees received a single check, with withholding for the $300 cash deducted from their regular pay.

      And it turns out, many of the guys had not told their wives about the $300 cash and had spent much of it at a local bar Thursday night. Sure, that’s the way it works, but when someone hands you cash, are you thinking about taxes? So many unhappy employees.

    3. oviraptor*

      I so understand the tax withholding pain. Previous job on the check that included my hire/anniversary date I had my regular pay, the anniversary bonus of approximately one week of pay AND the quarterly bonus if we qualified, which we usually did. So much money was taken out for taxes and other regular things like 401k and insurance. I had to keep telling myself the taxes I would get back the following year and putting more in my 401k is a good thing. Which it truly is. I was just bummed that with my pay + 2 bonuses, it was like receiving my regular check and part of 1 bonus. So frustrating.

    4. WellRed*

      Hey, managers! If you are going to give me a $500 bonus, adjust it upward on your end so it comes out to about $500 after taxes, not $300 (or whatever).

      1. fposte*

        That’s not going to happen, realistically; the adjustments would be different for each employee, and that would mean a different custom for bonuses than for salary (which are also stated pre-tax).

        1. Not a Mere Device*

          My first serious job gave out checks for ten-year anniversaries. That was long enough ago that I don’t remember how they handled the taxes. What I remember is that it said “Pay to the order of Not A Mere Device: one thousand dollars.” Not the significantly smaller amount that it would have been with federal, state, and city taxes taken out.

          That said, they didn’t do bonuses other than that, and I don’t know of anywhere that doesn’t take taxes out of things like annual bonuses or profit-sharing.

        2. QualitativeOverQuantitative*

          My company has various levels of rewards and they always make it so you actually net the award amount. Last week I received an award at the $500 level, and I will actually receive $500.

      2. BlueWolf*

        My company does this. They adjust the amount up on our paystub so that it comes out the actual gift amount after taxes.

        1. M*

          Ours too. We get $5000 at the anniversary of every 5 years and it’s adjusted so the after-tax take home is the full 5000.

    5. SJPufendork*

      Oh, you reminded me of a good withholding appreciation thing that happened to me 5 years ago.

      My team and I completed a rush project on a tight timelines. The PTB decided to give us each a $1000 spot bonus, and wanted to gross it up so that’d we end up with the actual $1000 in our take home.

      The payroll people managed to hose the withholding/gross up so badly that my take home “spot bonus” was… $171.63. (The other people also received similar take home amounts). I laughed so hard at that one.

  13. ragazza*

    In my department, a guy who had been there for about a dozen years left with almost zero public recognition or thanks, while a contractor who was there literally all of eight months got a big party. That kind of disrespect is exactly why the longtime employee decided to get another job.

    1. Bad Candidate*

      Same thing happened to me. Contractor from overseas comes for six weeks and when he leaves there’s a big to-do about it and a cake (which I had to go pick up). My last day, after 10 years, was a couple of weeks later and I didn’t get so much as a card or a thanks for your service or anything.

      1. ragazza*

        Ugh, I’m sorry. If it makes you feel better, at our company people definitely noticed the discrepancy and were appalled.

  14. Corky's wife Bonnie*

    I worked briefly at the company where my dad also worked and he was there over 25 years. During the year and a half of being there the marketing gal, who always liked to loudly complain how busy she was, how stressed she was, etc. decided to move on. Her boss (also my dad’s boss but he hadn’t been his boss for most of the 25 years) made a huge production of her leaving, I think she had been there 6 or 7 years. There was a huge lunch, a cake, the entire office was invited, the boss gave a going away speech and cried, and there was also a happy hour. When my dad retired, he didn’t even get a cake (and he was a well liked and valued employee) and the department took him out to lunch. That’s it, almost like a “don’t let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out. I was already gone by then but I was so furious at the lack of recognition that I really wanted to tell those people exactly what I thought. He’s not the type to care about gifts, but after the huge display for the marketing gal, it was like a punch in the face.

    2. Millennial Lawyer*

      I hate to be insensitive since that sounds really unfair, but I chuckled slightly imagining this like how Hope Hicks had a huge ceremony in the rose garden for her when she left and everyone else is fired by tweet.

        1. Millennial Lawyer*

          I almost wanted to comment as a disgruntled Rex Tillerson describing Hope Hicks’s send off. “I was on the can, she was honored in the Rose Garden…”

  15. Higher Ed Database Dork*

    One year for Christmas, the private university I worked at gave everyone branded mugs…with a brochure about donating back to the school inside.

    I don’t mind a once-a-year, easily ignored email or flyer or something, but this school was rather demanding when it came to “asking” employees to donate back to the school so putting a request inside a Christmas gift was a real classy touch.

    1. earl grey aficionado*

      Higher ed is THE WORST about this. I like the small liberal arts university I just graduated from (met great people, got a great education) but the donation thing is…bad. They’re a social justice-focused school with a small endowment, meaning staff and faculty were okay with low pay because they felt they were helping students and the community. Unfortunately, the school decided to build a shiny new student center (read: vanity project for a universally-despised outgoing president) instead of raising pay and keeping tuition affordable, they predictably overextended the budget, and now they can’t stop hitting people up for money (including freshmen students and criminally underpaid adjuncts!) at the worst of times. The mug thing sounds like something they’d do.

      It’s awful because this kind of mismanagement/snub ultimately hurts endowments due to bitterness and costs so much money in staff turnover. I was a student worker for three years and by my last semester the salaried staff had turned over so thoroughly that I had more institutional knowledge than my boss in some areas (and he had one foot out the door, too). I spent my last month on the job frantically documenting everything so that the office wouldn’t implode the following year.

      1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

        Oh the adjuncts….my mom is an adjunct professor at the same private school, and they are SO CHEAP when it comes to providing anything for the adjuncts. Pay is predictably low, they get no perks whatsoever, barely any professional support – but the administration always makes sure to include them on the emails and the glossies when it’s donation time! Also they did not receive the mugs at Christmastime but they did get the brochure, she let me know.

        1. Elizabeth West*

          I had to call the alumni association of my alma mater and tell them to stop sending me donation requests. “I’m $000,000 in debt. What makes you think I have any more money for you?”

          1. Faintlymacabre*

            I worked in the alumni relations filing room at my college. Seeing how the sausage is made really turned me off of ever donating to the place. The targeting of how they ask for money from the wealthy people almost makes me glad that I’ll never have that problem!

      2. zora*

        Hi there, I think you went to my alma mater! [[[WAVES]]]] I graduated a very long time ago, but we had many of the same problems way back when, solidarity!!! ;)

    2. Garland not Andrews*

      So did you donate the mug and brochure back to them?
      Wouldn’t it be funny for the college president or provost to come in the next day and have her office door blocked by a giant stack of “Donated” mugs? :-)

      1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

        That is a beautiful image, and I wish I could have gotten people together to do it!

      1. Higher Ed Database Dork*

        Oh I wish! That probably would have gotten me fired, it was a super dysfunctional environment. I left pretty shortly afterwards for a state school, where I’ve had great career growth and make about 100% more than the private school would ever have paid me. Getting revenge by living well! (And the only money grabs my state school does are once-a-year brochures that I can toss in the recycle bin.)

    4. Positive Reframer*

      I was annoyed with this when as a student they were campaigning to get them to pay. I’m sorry but your $10 donation request is equivalent to a week of food so I’m gunna have to opt out I don’t care about a new couch in the dorm lobby.
      I can only imagine how much more irritating it is when you are getting pressure from your boss.

    5. Emilie*

      I assume this is du to me being European, but… Asking people to donate to their place of employment just seems incredibly inappropriate. The thought of it makes me so uncomfortable!

    6. KA*

      This reminds me of when my old principal allowed a well-known charity to commandeer a staff meeting and demand that we sign up for monthly donations from our paychecks. Some of us pointed out that we spend a lot of our own money to do our jobs and that our budgets are tight. The charity rep’s response was that we could designate the money to go to our school, so we could then buy things from our classroom and ask admin to reimburse us from the charity earnings. That we donated. So much wtf that morning.

  17. CMDRBNA*

    I worked at a retail store where the manager (the son of the owners, who made an exorbitant amount of money to never be at the store while he pursued a real estate career, as the stores slowly went broke) would give us holiday gifts of stuff from the store’s inventory. I got a scented candle made with a scent that I’m allergic to.

    I don’t know why he didn’t just do $10 or $20 Starbucks cards or something, those would have been way more appreciated.

    1. Magenta Sky*

      Our Christmas gift a couple of years ago, of something we sell, was a travel mug. Of course, it’s a Yeti mug (so not at all cheap), with our names silk screened on the side, and I use it ever day.

      1. CMDRBNA*

        We had other items in the store that would have been great to get as gifts – just not a giant scented candle that uses a particular oil that gives me hives.

        1. Magenta Sky*

          Yeah, I get that. The Fitbit I got is still in the box on my desk, and can remain so until the heat death of the universe so far as I’m concerned. (Those people have privacy issues that make Facebook look like the NSA.)

    2. Bostonian*

      People at my last job complained about Starbucks gift cards because not everyone drinks Starbucks. To each his own, I guess!

      1. kc89*

        You are correct that with “to each his own” but I’ve always thought starbucks giftcards are the best generic gift because even if someone doesn’t like starbucks there’s a very good chance they know someone that does and can re-gift it

    3. Anonicat*

      I’ve lost count of the number of scented candles I’ve regifted. People mean so well, and I appreciate the thought, but they still make me want to take my eyeballs out and itch them on the carpet.

    4. Forget T-Bone Steak, Let’s Eat T-Rex Steak*

      I used to work for a church and around the holidays, they would take up a special collection for holiday bonuses for the staff. We’d put an announcement in the bulletin that said you can contribute for a holiday gift for Jane, T-Rex, Michael and Allan, either individually or as a group. It would run through payroll so all appropriate taxes were taken out. The first year, I was really new and my portion was maybe $200. The next year my portion was much bigger, like close to $500. The third year, they ran the same ad (for Jane, T-Rex, Michael and Allan) but my part was $100 exactly. Allan took home $1,000 and Michael $800 (and I don’t know what Jane got ever). Turns out, after they got the pot of money, TPTB decided to give “bonuses” to their favorite volunteers as well. I can’t say for certain that it all came out of my part of the pot, but I definitely took the biggest cut from previous years. I kept reminding myself it’s just a bonus and to be grateful, but it really seemed shady because the congregation thought the collection was going to Jane, T-Rex, Michael and Allan, but that’s not where it went.

  18. Q*

    For my ten year anniversary I received an automated email from corporate with a certificate I could print out, so I did and hung it up on my cube wall. Several months later my manager noticed it when she was talking to me about something else. She said “oh, you’ve been here ten years?” I replied the affirmative and her response was “well good for you.”

    I wasn’t expecting a monetary gift or a party but I did expect at least a congratulations or thanks considering most people left the department after a year or two.

    1. Q*

      And I know this is anywhere near as awful as most people’s experiences will be, but I did end up leaving that job 6 months later.

      1. RabbitRabbit*

        No, that’s understandable. I posted 3 anecdotes in this thread about a previous job where the turnover rate was high but the amount of respect you got for actually sticking around tended to be low.

        1. Red Dork*

          I’m sure it was great, but since it contained ingredients I’m very allergic to, I couldn’t tell you.

    3. Indie*

      An automated ten year congratulation? With certificate??!!

      I have so many questions for the person who set that up

  19. Snubble*

    The department head’s experimental baking seems to be the major form of recognition here. Not that anybody except the department head gets much joy out of undercooked courgette cake , but I suppose she’s having fun? I just would personally prefer it if she tested her recipes, and if babies and birthdays and leavers did not have to play second fiddle to the baking.

    1. Nanani*

      “Experimental baking” has piqued my curiosity. I’m picturing a mad scientist cliche but with kitchen implements.

      2. Snubble*

        More like “I have a book with a recipe for toffee cake I’ve never tried, but I wanted it to be gluten-free so I swapped out the flour, and of course it had to be vegan so I left out the eggs, because you don’t really need them, do you, and I used almond milk and cooked it a little bit cooler so the banana pieces wouldn’t be singed, because I had leftover bananas and I just thought, toffee and banana, you know, they go so well. Anyway it fell a little bit in the oven but I haven’t tried it yet so pass it around, everyone take a piece and tell me what you think!”
        She has real enthusiasm, but she doesn’t plan and she doesn’t test her recipes, and they mostly do not turn out well.

    2. CanadianDot*

      Where I work, the head of our organization loves baking – at Christmas, she bakes cookies for the whole organization (about 600 people, in multiple locations across the province), and they’re always highly anticipated. She recently used them as an incentive for employee participation in something, and we had the highest participation we’d ever had!

    3. Alienor*

      I used to work with a sweet older lady who was notorious for pressing her terrible baking on everyone. At holidays you’d get a clingfilm-covered paper plate that held six or seven different types of baked goods, each one worse than the last. I’d just thank her and then throw the whole thing away as soon as I was at a safe distance from the building, which I’m pretty sure is what all my colleagues did as well.

  20. Keep Your Eyes On The Prize*

    Posted this on the wrong letter site.
    The birthday one reminded me of a long suppressed work memory. The office favourite was being given a big fancy birthday cake. People started talking about Zodiac signs and what they meant. Someone asked me when my birthday was. I said today, the same day as the birthday person. I kept eating my cake and a few people did look embarrassed but not the birthday girl. It didn’t register with her at all. The odds are more than one person in an office will share a birthday if not a birthday month. It’s not hard to check the dates.

    1. anon24*

      My last company only had 9 people working at my location. Of course out of 9 people, the office manager shared a birthday with one of the employees, another co-worker and I shared a birthday, and the general manager’s birthday was a few days before mine. So we were adults about it and would pick something we could all enjoy and they would say hey this is for Jane and Wakeen and Fergus’ birthdays.

      My company now has the greatest birthday cake perk ever. Instead of having to awkwardly have an office celebration, I get a coupon for a free cake at a local grocery store and it’s *mine* to share with my family, not something to bring into work.

      3. RJGM*

        That is an awesome perk!

        Funny how it works out at small companies — my mom has her own business with two employees. She and one of her employees share a birthday… and the third doesn’t celebrate birthdays at all (I think for religious reasons). She said the birthday-sharers usually just kind of awkwardly high-five, and my mom buys lunch for everybody.

    2. Murphy*

      Yeah, when I started at my job I was on a team that did cards for birthdays. I signed a card for my grandboss who it turned out had the same birthday as I did. He had a big “Happy Birthday” banner outside his office for his birthday. I got nothing.

    3. This Daydreamer*

      One day at my old workplace, which didn’t bother with birthday celebrations, one of my coworkers and I had the same meal break. It was retail, so we had to stagger breaks. Anyway, she commented on her meal that “pizza is the best birthday dinner”. I was startled because it was my birthday, too.

      Long story short, not only did we share the same birthday, we were born two hours apart in the same hospital. It was a good thing that there was a third coworker there because no one would have believed that conversation really happened otherwise.

    4. Elizabeth West*

      At Exjob, coworker liked to make cakes for people’s birthdays. Which was fine–but she found out an upcoming birthday of mine was the big 5-0. I came in to a huge Grim Reaper door wrap on the panels of my cube and all kinds of decorations in it, loudly broadcasting to everyone just exactly how old I was. >_<

      I was okay with it after a couple of days and just sort of leaned into it but I felt like it was a big overstep. Birthday, yes. Telling my exact age, not so much. But she made me an iced angel-food cake, which is my favorite, so I forgave her.

  21. morgan*

    At my last job, part of my responsibilities included decorating people’s offices for their birthday. This meant staying late the night before and taping up ridiculous amounts of streamers, spreading confetti, etc. They all hated it, but the owner loved it, so I went along. I was usually reminded a few times in the week leading up to the birthday by the birthday calendar I shared with our HR admin, which included my birthday. But when my birthday came…nothing. Even though I know a couple other admins (who ranked above me – I was the bottom of the totem pole) got the same reminders I did, I did not even get a “happy birthday.” I’m not a big birthday person, and don’t like drawing attention to myself, but it did sting a little knowing how much of a Big Deal birthdays were in office culture but mine went intentionally unrecognized. The company I work for now does a monthly celebration for all birthdays and anniversaries – donuts and a happy birthday email are all I could ever ask for :)

    1. Nana*

      I was once the Birthday Person (a job I hated), staying late to decorate). The nievening before MY birthday, I was reminded to decorate my own cubicle!

      1. Elizabeth West*

        Haha, I had to pick my own card and send out the email for my birthday at OldExjob. But I always made it fun and would scream, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEE!!!!!”

  22. .*

    My college suggested a process improvement in passing, I expanded the idea did all the work involved in getting it working.

    His reward £1,000 + Invite to a swanky evening reception
    Mine £20 itunes card

    7. This Daydreamer*

      Wow. I think I would’ve used part of the card to download “Take This Job and Shove It”. And maybe play it on repeat on my computer every time I walked away from it. Yeah, I would have just day dreamed that last part. Probably.

  23. Hidden Trout*

    I used to teach at a private school that was experiencing some growing pains. For “Teacher Appreciation Day” one year the Parents’ Association sent us cards that said “You’re Worth Your Weight in Gold!” attached to a sandwich baggie with 25 Sacajawea coins. I don’t want to knock their generosity or thoughtfulness, but at some point, they ran out of golden Sacajaweas, and I was one of the teachers who was given mostly Susan B. Anthony coins and quarters instead.

    The delight I get out of re-telling the story that I was called “worth my weight in gold” and then given almost no gold was the real gift, and I have cherished it for many years.

    1. Curious Cat*

      I’m laughing at the thought of someone then taking their Sacajawea’s to a store and paying in coins.

      1. Hidden Trout*

        That was the bonus! In addition to all the grumbling about the difficulty of unloading the Sacajaweas, there was a brisk market in gold-coin related pranks for several months afterward.

      2. Willow*

        I got a piggy bank full of these as a birthday gift once! Mostly used them in vending machines.

      3. Red Reader*

        I knew a guy once. Oh, this guy.

        He decided, because he couldn’t balance his checkbook and kept over drafting his account, that his bank was out to screw him over. So he was only going to use cash. One day he got a Sacajawea in his change from the grocery store and fell in love. He was only going to use these gold coins. Because it made him feel like a pirate, you see, to carry around a crown royal bag full of gold coins.

        He was one of my roommates. Our third roommate, who was the one to collect the household rent-and-bills money, told him multiple times that no, he was not going to pay her his $500 share of the rent and bills with a sack of gold dollar coins that she would have to take to the bank on the public bus, he could take her deposit slip to the bank and deposit it himself and bring her the receipt if he wasn’t going to use cash or write her a check. (He kept forgetting, you see.) He once threw a righteous temper tantrum because the auto shop made him go to the bank next door and trade his $400 in gold coins for cash because they didn’t have anyplace to put it in their cash register.

        1. Hidden Trout*

          Thank you for this. The detail of the Crown Royal bag truly cements your roommate’s piratical bonafides.

          1. Red Reader*

            He also once ate three-month-expired bacon. The actual conversation, punctuated with him barfing from food poisoning, went like this:

            Me: “on top of everything else, like dates and funky smells, the rest of this bacon (which he had put BACK IN THE FRIDGE) is f’ing GREEN.”
            Him: “I’m colorblind.”

        2. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

          Man, that sounds like me in high school. I kept my lunch money in a leather drawstring bag because it made me feel like a pirate to count out my $2 for pizza and milk from it, rather than a wallet.

          (I recently found the bag again, with about $15 in cash in it, while packing to move. Gave me a laugh!)

        4. smoke tree*

          This reminds me of my campaign to rename Canadian two-dollar coins from “toonies” to “doubloons” (because the one-dollar coin is called a loonie, you see).

        5. Totally Minnie*

          $500 in dollar coins? That certainly makes middle-school-me feel better about the time I bought a CD entirely with coins. In my defense, I was 12 and had no job, so coins were basically the only money I had.

    2. Tea, please*

      At a school where friends teach, the parent association gave all the general education teachers $150 gift cards. Nothing for the special education teachers (and most of the special education teachers pushed in to the class so they were serving all the kids).

      They eventually gave the special ed teachers $75 gift cards once it was clear how horrible a distinction this was.

      1. Hidden Trout*

        That’s an astonishing misunderstanding of the work that special education teachers do, and hideous that the parents tried to “undo” the damage by still not matching what they did for the rest of the faculty.

      4. Observer*

        Well, special ed teachers get paid TONS and they don’t really work as hard as regular teachers, dontcha know?
        /S

        What are you willing to bet that the leaders of the PA would rather die than admit that THEIR kid might ever need something like special ed?

    3. Alton*

      They really didn’t think through the implications of that, did they? It’s kind of a weird message in general, since I can’t imagine that 25 Sacajawea coins weigh *that* much. If someone is worth their weight in gold, most people are going to need at least 100 pounds of gold.

    4. Work Wardrobe*

      There’s one listed on Etsy right now for $239.

      Doesn’t Sacajawea also refer to a bag a weed?

    5. Beancounter in Texas*

      In Dallas, NorthPark Center (a super fancy mall with high end designer stores) has NorthPark Gold. In essence, the Gold is a mall-wide gift certificate, accepted by all stores, restaurants, spas & theaters. The best part is that the gold is gold colored coins (with some weight) in $5, $10, $20, $50 & $100 denominations.

      1. Rebecca in Dallas*

        Haha, my dad gives me NorthPark Gold every year for Christmas, I always feel so fancy with my gold coin which comes in a fancy red bag!

        Fun fact: whatever store you spend it in, they will give you change back in cash. One year I was a little strapped for funds, so I bought a pair of ~$5 earrings at H&M.

      1. chi type*

        They’re both coins of $1 face value but the former is gold (in color, not actual gold) and the latter is silver. Quarters are also silver and (pretty obviously) only worth a quarter what Sacageweas are.

  24. Rae*

    The birthday thing happened to me. Except it was a surprise. For a second I thought it was for me and smiled, and then it was announced and we were all lead in a round of “Happy Birthday” for the other person. I was shocked and someone noticed and asked. I said it was my birthday as well, and everyone shrugged and called me childish and selfish for bringing it up and taking the attention from the “birthday girl”. I was then chastised for not smiling and hanging out. That day sucked.

    2. Ruth (UK)*

      I’m sorry that one happened to you :( I actually just commented above how often when people have been left out in a gift or gift-like situation, they feel they can’t say anything as they’re worried they’ll look petty, even when they have legitimate reason to feel hurt. It was reasonable for you to feel and act how you did.

    5. Just Tired*

      For some reason your story really punched me in the gut. It’s one thing for everyone to sort of go, “Eh,” but to accuse you of being childish and selfish for bringing it up? That’s putting effort into being jerks. If I was in a crowd where that happened, I would immediately feel awful, lead another round of “Happy Birthday” and hand you a piece of cake while apologizing profusely. And if my co-workers wanted to pooh-pooh me too, that’s fine. There is a way to rectify these kind of situations without being a horrible human being. Ugh. I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope you’re someplace with better people now.

      1. Rae*

        I was young, in college, and didn’t really know that standing up for myself wasn’t a bad thing. I left that place far behind a long time ago.

      2. Ruth (UK)*

        On a positive note, your comment has just reminded me that I’ve actually seen this happen… It was a social gathering of people who shared a hobby (but from several different groups/clubs so not everyone knew everyone else extremely well), and we were celebrating the birthday of someone. It was beer and cake, and a few cards but nothing huge. After we sang ‘happy birthday’ someone pointed another guy out and mentioned it had actually been their birthday yesterday. Everyone launched into another round of ‘happy birthday’ for them. We we-lit the candles so they could be blown out a second time.

        1. Gelliebean*

          We used to do a birthday thing once a month for everyone whose b-day was in that month, which included a sing-along. It would go fine up until you reached “Happy birthday, dear Mary-Jane-Chuck-Dave-Bobbi” at which point no one knew what order to put the names, and you just got a big Wall of Sound until general consensus decided to move on to “Happy birthday to yoooooou!” :-p

      3. Luna*

        And he didn’t even bring it up! They asked why he looked surprised! Wow people are terrible.

    7. Marthooh*

      “How dare you allow yourself to be put into a position such that you might reasonably think the rest of us are jerks?”

  25. Curious Cat*

    Not work, but at my college graduation the rolled up paper we received walking across the stage asked us to make a donation to the university now that we were alumni.

    1. CatCat*

      Hahaha, omg, that’s bad. It reminds me of when I was in law school and, toward the end of my final year, the school was hitting up graduating students for money for a class gift. They had a sort of fundraising party in the central quad. Congrats for getting to the end and give some money!

      This was the same week as student loan exit counseling during the height of the Great Recession when there had been two (!!) employers at on campus interviews that year, and most students were looking at graduating unemployed because they hadn’t been able to find a job or their job offers had been revoked because of the recession.

    2. all aboard the anon train*

      Whenever my undergrad alma mater calls for donations, I always tell them that I’ve already made a substantial donation in the form of four years of tuition payments.

      1. grace*

        Lol. I do the same thing :-) They don’t appreciate it, but I don’t appreciate being asked for donations less than a year after graduating, so I consider it even.

      2. Cedrus Libani*

        Hear. I made a six-figure “donation” to my alma mater, and while I don’t regret doing so…I kind of think that should be enough.

    3. Environmental Gone Public Health Gone Back Environmental*

      For mine, we all got the same phone call about a month after graduation asking us to donate as a congratulations present to…..ourselves? The college? They couldn’t explain it when I asked.

      I told them that when they finally figured out how to spell my damn name and sent me the right diploma, and *then* finally paid off my student loans from them, and *then* graduated with my MS, and *then* paid off those loans…. I’d think real hard about donating. Maybe.

    4. Harper the Other One*

      I have a friend whose “diploma” received when he walked was a notice that he owed $147-something for a miscalculated residence fee in first year (which they had never notified him about) and that he wouldn’t receive his diploma until he paid up. So he framed the notice. To my knowledge, he’s never paid the fee.

    5. Triplestep*

      Same here – And I still remember this from 30 years ago! (We could not get our real diplomas until they’d time to ensure our last bursar bill was paid.)

    7. Kag*

      Got that one too, only for a master’s program. Of course, the only reason I suffered through the ceremony in the first place was so I could get my diploma before they had time to change their minds.

    8. Kirsten*

      My grad school did that too! We all got back to our seats and opened the crappy little fake folders they gave us and found donation letters. When the diplomas were eventually mailed, they came in a plastic sleeve (nothing that you could even pretend to display them in), which is where mine still is. The school was pretty crappy in a lot of ways already, but that stunt was the last straw and I’ll never donate to them, even though I’ve donated to my undergrad every year.

    9. Anjay*

      Your school waited until graduation? Classy! My grad program (which believe me, was NOT short on funds) started hitting me up when I was still enrolled.

  26. RabbitRabbit*

    My old department had a lavish, never-before-done Employee Appreciation Day with a continental breakfast, personalized T-shirts, little thank-you signs and flowers left at everyone’s desk, and closing up the office early so everyone could be taken to lunch.

    Well, everyone except the 4 people (including me) who worked in a separate office down the hall. Because someone had to “mind the office” while they were all gone. But we weren’t even told anything was happening, we weren’t given T-shirts or flowers or signs or even told about the breakfast.

    My coworker and I just up and left at noon.

    A few weeks later, we were taken out for a separate acknowledgement lunch, but the place we went to didn’t have their special entrees that day, just a small hot and cold buffet. I’m a vegetarian, I had a salad that I put together.

    Yeah. Our administrator sucked.

    1. RabbitRabbit*

      Oh, and when I left after over a decade of service, the same administrator was pissed. We had a high turnover rate in the department, and she forbid my colleagues from hosting a going-away party, even on their own dime. A related department, outside of her oversight, that I worked with hosted it in their own space. She relented at the end and claimed that the cake in the breakroom (no writing on it, but it was actually ordered for another employee’s birthday) was a combined celebration cake.

    2. morgan*

      Oh man this reminds me of when I was waiting tables. We had two holiday dinners – one for front of house, one for back. I wasn’t even made aware of the FOH party until I realized I was the only FOH employee on the schedule for one night. The GM said he’d get me a giftcard to make up for it, which was fine in theory. They all had hibachi at a really nice place down the street, and I got a $10 gift card to THE RESTAURANT WHERE I WORKED.

      It was one of those places where a customer could scream at a server for forgetting a side of ranch and would walk out with two sides of ranch, a gift card, and an apology, so I really wasn’t surprised.

    3. gingerbird*

      Oh this reminds me of the holiday party where the CS employees had to go down in shifts so someone would be on the phone. Turns out all off the games, raffles, and food occurred during the first shift. The second (my) shifty got to pick through the leftovers in an empty room.

      At least I got a cupcake.

  27. Recently Diagnosed*

    To whomever wrote the first comment, I’m gonna need you to tell me, because I think we may work at the same company, lol.

  28. NoChampagneForYou*

    This is happening in my office as we speak.
    Almost everyone on the admin staff at my non-profit (and everyone who has left voluntarily from my department) gets an organization wide champagne toast. Everyone except for my coworker who’s last day is today who has worked here for several years. It’s a pretty deliberate snub because they’re mad she’s leaving.

    1. NoChampagneForYou*

      Oh! And instead of getting a company-wide email announcing her departure and thanking her for her years of service, the announcement was buried in a somewhat related email.

      1. Nobody Here by That Name*

        We get that at my company. If you find out someone doesn’t work here anymore it’s usually because the person themselves told you. Somebody recently left with over 10+ years at the company. Any recognition of their history or service or official mention they were leaving? Nooooooooope.

        1. Luna*

          Yeah at my last job there were several long-time staff who just disappeared- I found one day that Sansa had gotten a new job and her last day was a few weeks ago. No one said or did anything.

        2. RJGM*

          My company is like that too. I’ve been here just over two years and I’ve gotten a grand total of two “Bye, everyone, here’s my LinkedIn info!” emails — otherwise, you go looking for someone to help you with a project, only to hear that they left the company two weeks ago. This happens whether people leave voluntarily or not.

    2. Jayne*

      This just happened to a friend of mine that worked at a law enforcement department. He had the second longest service of all of the officers, but there was no acknowledgement when he left. At the same time, they were warping the job descriptions of four people in order to keep one of the chief’s favorites. He is not sorry that he left.

  29. all aboard the anon train*

    A previous company threw huge parties and gave large monetary gifts to anyone who had a child, bought a house, or got married. The large monetary gift was a check that amounted to roughly 10% of your salary.

    When I received my master’s degree, they said it wasn’t a significant life event. They also said getting accepted into a PhD program wasn’t worthy either. I didn’t even get a card. I just got asked why I chose to pursue a degree (while working full-time!) instead of getting married, having kids, or saving to buy a house. A coworker actually lectured me on how my money would have been of better use going towards a house.

    2. all aboard the anon train*

      Forgot to add that the company who thought my academic achievements weren’t as noteworthy was an academic publishing company. Oh, the irony.

      1. all aboard the anon train*

        Worse, one of them told me that I was too pretty to be wasting myself on graduate school instead of getting married/having kids. Which is a whole other level of inappropriate.

            1. zora*

              Wait, what century was this??!! Too pretty to waste yourself on a grad degree?!??!?! Where is your time machine and when can I borrow it?

        3. Emilie*

          Everyone knows that you can be pretty or smart, not both! Or neither! And have you considered that your womb might start wandering, due to the stress of academia and lack of producing babies? Are you sure you’re okay to make decisions like that for yourself, being a woman and all?

    5. Nanani*

      This is making explicit why workplaces should NOT be celebrating kids, houses, and weddings. It’s bad enough that society at large, from our families to the government policies, push the endless refrain of FOLLOW THE SCRIPT. CONSUME. MAKE MORE CONSUMERS.

      We do not need this at work.

      1. all aboard the anon train*

        Yeah. It was also especially awkward because we had a remote coworker who lived in a state that didn’t have same-sex marriage at the time and made it almost impossible for queer individuals to adopt, so it also barred her from being recognized because she didn’t fit into the heteronormative life plan.

      2. pleaset*

        I completely agree. And if a company is going to reward things outside of work, they should be rank academic achievement way way way over having a child.

        That said, in life (everything, not just work), I don’t think getting a masters degree is anywhere close to having a child, or getting married, in overall importance. Even less important than buying a house. And I’ve done all those – twice in the case of the degree.

        1. Birch*

          I think this is why personal live events need to stay out of work. For some people, getting a master’s or a PhD is WAY more important than having children–it’s not up to your employer to decide how you rank your own live events by importance. Employers should stick to rewarding things that have to do with work only.

          1. zora*

            I don’t know if it needs to be that hard and fast. Our company has managed to figure out how to do all of the above and celebrate whatever employees feel is celebration worthy.

            We are in a niche field where most of our staff have a specific high certification, and if anyone passes their exam while they are with us, we have a celebration for them. We also have a dedicated budget for gifts/celebrations for babies, birthdays, weddings, new homes, etc. And we also have budget to just have social time every month whether there is a specific reason or not. It hasn’t come up, but if anyone here finished a degree, or adopted a child, or had any other significant life event they were really excited about, we would definitely have a celebration for them on the company dime. I don’t see why this seems so complicated to some companies!

        2. Julia*

          Er, writing my M.A. thesis is a lot more work than getting together the paperwork for even an international marriage involving two of the most bureaucratic countries in the world, so I disagree. Plus, once I have the degree, I have it, whereas my marriage could always fall apart.
          A graduate degree doesn’t take as long as raising a child, I’ll give you that, but saying it’s not close is pretty mean to any person who doesn’t have children, but worked really hard on something else.

    6. Cornflower Blue*

      That is legit the point at which I’d ask a platonic friend to marry me so I can get the damn gift because JEEZ.

  30. voyager1*

    I thought the comments on the cup were pretty passive aggressive/jerkish too frankly. If I had been the manager I wouldn’t have found it funny at all.

    3. SoCalHR*

      I agree (when I read it in the original comments and still now) – if everyone else got a gift card or something and that person was the only one to get a chalk mug, then I’d understand it a bit more. But, sorry you don’t like the recognition gift #itsthethoughtthatcounts (some companies don’t even give mugs!). It really is disrespectful to the boss since they knew the boss picked the gift.

      1. WellRed*

        It’s not a gift, it’s more like a promotional item he probably picked out of the supply closet.

        1. Kelly L.*

          Yep. We have one of those closets at my work too. We all know it’s there, and everybody even raids it sometimes for coffee mugs if they forgot to bring theirs, so we all have like five work coffee mugs in our cabinets now. It would be a tacky-ass gift, since we all know they’re cheap and plentiful and that no one even cares if you just yoink one.

  31. Fish Sticks*

    At my old company, we used to get $100 in an envelope at Christmas. The year they stopped that, they gave us a deck of playing cards instead. Not just any playing cards: “Company Name Values” (or something like that) card. It was some kind of card game to teach you about the company. UGH.

    Another time, a coworker and I (who already had the highest and most challenging workloads in the entire department; it was measured) did twice our normal work in a month with no overtime pay. Our regular workload already took more than 40 hours per week and we were not exempt. (This company was the kind that would just tell you to find a way to do it and if you didn’t work free over time, they would make your life a living hell.) As a thank you, we each got a $25 gift card.

    1. Sternen*

      Many years ago I worked as an assistant manager for a video store rental chain. (You remember those, right?!) Up to that point I had worked for the company for 2 years. A manager at another store moved cities due to his wife’s residency as a dr. and I was promoted to manager and took over this store. 2 weeks after taking over the store I led a team that rolled out a total store re-merchandizing to focus on DVD over VHS, the first in our region to do so. The company allocated 5 days and X number of labor hours to complete the project. We completed the project in 2 days using substantially fewer man hours then they expected.

      A few months later we received a nice letter from the corporate office congratulating us on a smooth transition and how, since we completed the project in less than half the time and budget, they were using our store as a model for how to transition other stores going forward. Included with the letter was a bonus check for myself and my assistant manager.

      Here is the catch…. they calculated the bonuses based on length of service AT THE CURRENT LOCATION. My bonus was a whopping $8.61. My assistant manager’s bonus was over $500.

      A week later our regional manager came to town. I handed him the check back with a firm “thanks, but no thanks”.

      I transitioned out of retail a few years later and have since enjoyed a wonderfully fulfilling career in educational technology support.

      1. Sternen*

        Sorry, I didn’t mean to piggyback on your thread, Fish Sticks. Was supposed to be its own comment. You would think a tech guy could figure such things out. ;-)

      2. WellRed*

        You rock! I always think people should hand that crap back with a “thanks, but no thanks.”

    2. LKW*

      I have always hated company themed products and knick knacks. I especially hate them now because part of our whole security approach is to NOT advertise who we work for (reduce theft of laptops etc). So no I don’t want a company logo back pack.

      One year we were holding an account meeting for about 100 -150 people and I convinced the planners that instead of buying some lucite paperweight (who uses paper anymore?) or mug that we should have chocolate. I managed to convince them to let me buy each person two very expensive bars of chocolate of various flavors so they could mix and match and I made up another 15 bags of non-chocolate items for those allergic or who didn’t like chocolate. To say they were a hit is an understatement.

      1. JustaTech*

        Re: company logo backpack
        When I needed to borrow a laptop bag from my SO who works at BigTech I blacked out the logo (with permission) so my ancient hunk-of-junk laptop wouldn’t get stolen.
        Now BigTech doesn’t even put their logo on the laptop bags for employees.

      2. Elizabeth West*

        I don’t mind a mug–Exjob gave us a welcome pack when we started that had a branded tote with our basic desk supplies (a tape dispenser and stapler), a notepad, a branded mug, and a squeezy ball. I used the mug for a pen holder — I rarely used pens, and we were mostly paperless, used the tote to store period supplies in my bottom drawer, and left all the branded shit behind when I got fired.

        We had a company store where you could buy company merch. I got six t-shirts but I hate branded t-shirts; when you leave the job, they’re useless. I mostly use them for working out because I don’t care if they get sweaty. And I did buy a very nice leather padfolio with the company name discreetly stamped on it. I kept that because it’s actually useful and I like it.

    3. MustNotBeNamed*

      I worked at a company for three years. The first two years, we got $125 AmEx giftcards, which was lovely.

      The third year, it was well known that we were having some financial difficulties, so I wasn’t expecting anything. We had a company lunch and the grand-boss gave us all cards. But then the second-in-command, who was new that year, gave each of us tiny little rocks that were supposed to “bring prosperity.” I honestly wished she had given us nothing.

      But, on the other hand, a few months later I got a job I liked better and was accepted into my top-choice grad program, so maybe it brought me prosperity after all?

  32. LawBee*

    New Year’s Eve, 1999. The biggest NYE in any of our lives, right? So of COURSE the financial company I worked for decided that everyone had to come in at 8am Jan 1, in an office that was 90 minutes away, to handle phone calls from all the clients that they knew would be frantically calling in to check their balances – because of Y2K, don’t you know. This was not optional. I was 26, in Boston, PRIME NYE party age and location – and couldn’t really do anything because of this work requirement.

    We got ONE phone call all day, and it was a wrong number.

    Our recognition for giving up a day off, missing out on prime NYE party time, and driving three hours? An ugly t-shirt.

        2. Luna*

          Sorry but I can’t stop laughing about this tshirt- talk about a lack of self-awareness by your company!

    2. Ms Mad Scientist*

      Aww man, my dad did Y2K conversions in the months leading up to 2000, and he at least got a box of Toblerones.

    3. JokersandRogues*

      Marketing company: IT: everyone had to be available to come in after midnight at any time within 30 minutes of being called. (I produced weekly reports basically.)
      I checked the policy very carefully and nowhere did it say I had to be sober. (I wouldn’t have driven myself of course).

      Absolutely nothing happened. Nothing. At. All.

    4. Bad Candidate*

      That’s hilarious. I was a couple of years younger at the time and my company wanted to know where we were going to be and contact numbers of how to reach us in case it all hit the fan. I was thinking, um, if it hits the fan I am not coming to work, I’ll be trying to fend off looters at home.

      1. Elizabeth West*

        I was a little worried that someone might do something silly and knock out the power so my ex and I saved some milk jugs and filled them with water, just in case–our well pump wouldn’t have worked if the power went out. But nothing happened. Oh well, we just used the water for the animals (we lived on a farm). My work and his work were also fine.

  33. ExcelJedi*

    Related to the birthday party: about 10 years ago, I was a manager in a customer service division of ~30 people. One of the managers, let’s call him Nick, was a pretty big tool: had obvious favorites, abused our generous vacation policy but would question if others should be allowed to take days off if they weren’t on his list, etc. Nick and I DID NOT get along.

    One of Nick’s favorites had a birthday and he brought in a smallish cake for it – big enough for maybe 20 people to have small slices. At around 1pm, he emailed half of our staff and managers inviting them to have cake. The others were excluded. His plan was to have everyone invited go into a conference room at a specific time, and have the rest of the staff do double-time manning the phones/chat while they had cake.

    I was not on the invite list. I found out because one of the managers invited asked me how we were going to handle staffing while everyone was singing in the conference room, and when the two of us realized what was happening, we created a thread in our “managers” group basically pretending that we thought everyone was of course invited because Nick would never leave anyone out, and could we have cake in shifts to manage it?

    Nick saw right through us and came up to my desk to call me out. His argument was that as adults, people should understand that they weren’t going to be invited to everything – and also, there wasn’t enough to go around, so we shouldn’t try to force it. I don’t remember exactly how I reacted because I was so taken aback by him, but for the sake of story, I hope I laughed in his face.

    1. Just Tired*

      After seeing “Office Space” I take cake very seriously. Make sure there’s enough to go around because someone might burn the office building to the ground, and that someone might be me.

  34. Fake old Converse shoes (not in the US)*

    Back in my first job it was the custom to get a Starbucks gift card for your birthday and a catered group breakfast for your company anniversary. Since my boss had already told HR to lay me off well before my birthday, I got nothing. Not even a pen.

  35. MuseumChick*

    I worked for a company once that was run by a jerk but I will give him this, he know how to reward the team. Our location made record breaking sales one month. We mostly worked remotely so he called everyone into the office one day. We walked in and he had “We are the Champions” playing and had hired a company to cook a made-to-order breakfast for us.

    1. CatCat*

      I worked at a place that was pretty toxic, but that managed to totally nail it with celebrating employees at the end of the year. They would bring in chairs and tables and have them set up with nice table cloths. They would have a huge catered lunch for the entire office (120-ish people). Then they would give us all a few paid days off and close up the office. It was definitely a slow time of year anyway (around Christmas) and the lunch and the paid days off were were great to have. Unfortunately, throughout the rest of the year, they would crush morale with their otherwise toxic management.

    2. SoCalHR*

      I think sometimes the jerk bosses like to distract you with stuff like this. My last company was really big on the perks and the tech-scene office, but management was totally toxic. Its like a bad husband who, every time you get mad, buys you something sparkly.

      1. MuseumChick*

        Yup. I’ll never forget the following conversation I had with this boss. For context, this was at a time when the powerball was at an absurdly high amount. I was in the office working on a special project.

        Boss: “So what would you do if you won the powerball?”
        Me: “I would travel! I would do a tour of all the major civil war battle fields.”
        Boss: “So you’re boyfriend is into history?”

        I had no boyfriend at the time and and recently applied to graduate school for Museum Studies.

        2. SpinningYarns*

          Speaking as a Civil War historian and woman (what, all at once??) that is just incredibly infuriating.
          Thank god for my fellow woman-ACW nerds.
          (Did you ever get to take such a tour?)

    3. Bea*

      This reminds me of how crippling dicklike my previous boss was but always splurged on a holiday party. I left before it and they were already talking about how awesome it was going to be. My response internally was “well you pay poorly and turnover is BS so enjoy your Christmas extravaganza!” ick.

  36. JanetM*

    When I was approaching my five-year anniversary at the university, it was the thing that the chancellor, relevant vice-chancellor, and director presented service awards to the individual with all their colleagues present. I am an introvert and generally do not like being the center of attention, so I went to my director and asked that she please, *please* arrange to have my award just sent to me in campus mail, or sent to her so she could present it privately, or something.

    She said she would take care of it.

    She didn’t.

    And then she wasn’t even in the office when the chancellor and vice chancellor showed up.

    I held it together while they were there, then went to the restroom and cried.

    Don’t get me wrong; in general she was a great boss and I respected her a lot, but that time was a major fail.

    1. Hotstreak*

      That is the worst. We have employee nominated awards at my workplace that have actual, substantial cash value, and management always insists on presenting them in front of the entire team. I get that they want to showcase a job well done, but when they do that to a quiet person, it’s demotivating for the individual.

    2. Snubble*

      I haven’t put it in as a snub, because it was the opposite, but instead of all my colleagues trying hard to be sneaky and coming in to sing happy brithday and demand details of my celebration plans this year, I got my nearest neighbour quietly handing me the customary card full of well-wishes. I have never felt so known and tolerated. Apparently years of grumbling and refusing to smile when ambushed have paid off!

  37. Spritely*

    I worked at a Barnes and Noble for one month shy of five years when I left because my husband had gotten a job out of state. No one really got anything from the company for anniversaries or leaving, but the other employees would take you out to a nearby Irish pub and buy you drinks.

    A district manager was in the store on my last day, so the store manager and several of the shift managers were also there. One of them shook my hand and thanked me for all my hard work. No one else said anything. I clocked out for the last time and passed my store manager and said, “Well, I guess that’s it.” And she looked at me blankly and said, “See you tomorrow.”

    I did get the drinks at the Irish pub and proceeded to get drunk for the first time in my life at age 27. I was so angry at management that continuing to drink vodka cranberries sounded like a great idea.

    1. Membercard*

      Fellow former B&N person! At our store there was nothing management specifically did on your last day, but there was often a celebratory hang out at the end of your tenure; you just had to announce where and when.

      Mine was a dinner to which exactly one person showed up. I was friends with a lot of folks at the store, and a lot of people had said they would be there, though in truth all my closest friends in the store were gone by that time. It was a pretty devastating experience. I ended up paying for dinner for the girl who came because I was so grateful to her; she was very quiet, but nice and though it was so awkward realizing no one else was coming, having to keep on a brave face for her probably saved me.

  38. Hotstreak*

    I’m getting a kick out of the 5-year anniversary story!

    I just found my own 5-year “gift”, which is a fancy box with a new, work branded lapel pin, that says “5 years” on it. Ummm, thanks for distributing my new uniform, I guess! Too bad nobody wears those pins unless the big/big/big boss is in town.

      1. Hotstreak*

        That’s great! We phased out actual pins right after I started at the company, and they’re all magnetic now. I wish I had a use for them like you’ve found!

    3. Oxford Coma*

      My company does tie tacks for lower anniversaries, and cuff links for higher anniversaries. Way to pretend to be gender neutral.

  39. Wannabe Disney Princess*

    How many examples do you want?

    I think the one that stung the most, was at Christmas when my boss made a special show of thanking all the support staff (of which I am one) by name…except me. At the time, there was only four of us. It had been the busiest year by far, and I had been killing myself to get all the teapots painted. I was always the last one to leave and often took the work home. I either ate at my desk or just didn’t eat because there literally wasn’t time to heat up food. That afternoon, he handed out the Christmas cards. There’s usually a gift card in there. Everybody else got $50. I got $25.

    It was all I could do to not to tear up at my desk.

    1. Curious Cat*

      I’ve seen a couple posts similar to yours where bosses are thanking everyone but 1 or 2 people. How do they not feel uncomfortable and weird naming everyone but one person?? Clearly they’re purposely leaving someone out, how do they not feel guilty and understand how rude that is? Boggles my mind. I’m sorry that happened to you!

      2. Membercard*

        They understand, and they want to hurt people. I know that can seem like an intense thing to say, but for every nice person like you who wouldn’t dream of doing that even to someone you don’t like, there are people who relish the thought that they are going to get to publicly hurt someone.

        Wannabedisneyprincess…. this boss sounds like a real life Disney villain!

      1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        I was REALLY trying to be grateful for the gift card in general. (Even though it was to a restaurant I can’t stand.)

        I ended up listing it on one of those gift card resell sites and using that money on a small gift for myself.

    5. RabbitRabbit*

      I listed in my post some of the crap my old administrator pulled on us, and she did similar as this but worse to a coworker of mine. We got bonus checks around Christmas time, and mine was several hundred dollars. My coworker doing the same job got $50; bonuses were secret but she told me because she was furious.

      It was pure favoritism; she had been there a few years and I had been there a lot longer, but she got more the previous year and the admin was trying to claim financial downturn, blah blah. No, the admin had a personality grudge against my coworker and was petty and vindictive. She was the type who would classify everyone who left (we had high turnover) as “ineligible for rehire.”

      1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        Not yet. There was some life stuff that happened in the interim that made it too difficult, personally.

        Now? Working on it, HARD. Have had a few bites (a few phone interviews, one in person interview next week).

    7. Beancounter in Texas*

      I would have totally teared up and gone home. See my story below. Same song, second verse (although I believe mine was a mistake).

  40. Anon for this*

    They threw me a little party for my birthday, with cake, which was awesome! And then trashed the conference room and left me to clean it up, which was less awesome.

    1. Theotherallison*

      This happened to my on my birthday in November! I usually make a really nice cake from scratch for each of my coworkers’ birthdays and decorate it really cute. I got a store-bought cake and set up and clean up duty. Oh well.

  41. Former Usher*

    Following an internship in graduate school, my employer sent a package via UPS to my apartment. I missed the first two delivery attempts, so I sat at home waiting for the third and final attempt. I watched the UPS truck make a delivery across the street and then leave without even attempting to deliver my package!

    I drove through rush hour traffic to get to the USP distribution center to pick up the package. It was a mug. Hours waiting at home and over an hour of driving for a mug.

    Here’s the happy ending: 14 years after that internship I joined the company full time as a regular employee. Different division, but I’m in the same building I started in and even have the same employee number. I still have the mug!

    1. Former Usher*

      At a different employer, senior management of our department pushed an ice cream cart up and down each aisle, personally delivering ice cream treats. Somehow they managed to entirely skip the two rows for my functional area. When we later walked up to get the treats ourselves, we were accused of trying to get a second treat.

      2. Former Usher*

        The same department had a tradition where they would recognize employees who were having service anniversaries (5, 10, 15, etc. years) at department meetings. Their manager would stand up and say a few nice things about them and something about the project they worked on. I suppose it could be painful for some, but I was looking forward to it. They discontinued this practice just before I reached 5 years,

  42. Master Bean Counter*

    On my 29th birthday I was working in a place where I was the payroll person. And that year my birthday fell on the day that I had to process payroll. My boss wouldn’t let me have the day off because she would have to fill in for me.
    I show up to work, one very nice coworker brought in kahlua pie for me. She knew I hated cake. She was an angel.
    My other coworker and my boss sat there eating my pie and talking about the fabulous things they did on their 29th birthdays. While I was processing their payroll. Never in my life have I ever wanted to make a “mistake” more. Instead I got a job that paid twice as much as I was making there two months later.

    1. Just Tired*

      I am imagining the two of them sitting in your office with the entire pie in front of them eating out of the tin. I hope that’s not what happened.

    5. Master Bean Counter*

      I have to give props to my current boss and his wife. His wife felt sorry that my office had no window. I was just happy to have an office, I wasn’t complaining. She asked about what kind of view I would like if I could have any view. I answered, “A beach.”
      I didn’t think much about it. And I had honestly forgotten about it. Until today when I walked into my office and this was on the wall:
      https://www.amazon.com/Uniquebella-Sticker-Window-Tropical-Creative/dp/B01MAXL5NR

      1. Lily in NYC*

        Aw that was nice! We have that same exact decal in the conference room that we use to interview job candidates. It is so entertaining to watch people’s confused expressions when they see it in our otherwise very government-looking office. I just don’t understand why or how it ended up in there.

      3. Bryce*

        My mom did something similar for me about ten years ago. Took a photo of the overlook right by where I grew up and had it printed as a high-quality picture. It’s now an extra window in my apartment for when I’m need the desert on gray days.

        https://i.imgur.com/9eHSySR.jpg

  43. CdnAcct*

    Our overall department has a quarterly afternoon event with a badly executed recognition piece. I believe each director nominates people from their team, but the top executive has final say and is only really familiar with a couple teams/a handful of people, so the same people get the awards every quarter with a couple extra added in for variety, leaving 80% of the people in the department feeling overlooked. Often the awards are for things that are not new or improved though the executive says they are, or the wrong person gets the credit.

    The award has no value, but the ill will generated by these things is astounding – I won’t go the events anymore (though we’re strongly urged to) because it affects my mood even though I know it’s a load of crap. I haven’t spoken to anyone who actually feels these awards are a good idea or actually wants one.

  44. JerseyGirl*

    For my 4-year anniversary at my company last summer I received a card from my boss with a kind note and recognition in front of our entire team (of about 10 people) during a surprise meeting that I thought was our weekly brainstorm session.

    But the kicker is that at the time, (even though I am a Director…but we’re a small company and were short-staffed) I was responsible for planning all meetings (booking the meeting room, ordering catering, confirming all attendees, etc.) and so I had planned this whole meeting and arranged everything myself, not knowing it was a meeting that would be in ‘celebration’ of me.

    I would have appreciated the gesture a lot more if somebody else in the company (ahem, my boss) could have arranged all the meeting details for this one time. I was more shocked, and upon reflection, pretty annoyed (to put it lightly) that my boss was so clueless about how this would come across to me. Quite frankly it was embarassing too. It totally demeaned the intent of the gesture. Here’s hoping my 5-year anniversary goes better.

    1. Wren*

      But if you were all invited to a meeting that you DIDN’T plan, wouldn’t you have been suspicious?

      1. JerseyGirl*

        maybe… but a break in planning would have been a better gesture than a card and a meeting that i had to plan! so who cares about suspicion!

  45. partingxshot*

    For awhile I was the de facto goodbye gift person. It is extremely awkward to be the one collecting the money and knowing that the favored employee is ranking in hundreds of dollars for gifts (a new Fenty makeup palette and one of those marbled iPhone covers that light up for selfies), while others end up with a more…standard amount for our field. I felt like I had to put in more money than I would have otherwise to make the difference less obvious.

  46. CatCat*

    OldJob would make employee appreciation events mandatory. Don’t want to go to the ice cream event because you don’t eat ice cream? Tough.

    1. Q*

      My oldjob used to do an employee appreciation lunch every year. The food consisted of a hot dog or hamburger, a bag of chips, a prepackaged cookie, a can of soda pop. Many of our employees were of a culture where vegetarianism is common (or at least not eating beef is). We requested many times over the years for a veggie burger or salad option but they just kept coming with the burgers and dogs.

      2. Yams*

        Oh goodness, this reminds me of the celebratory picnic HR throws every year. Last year they gave us stale sandwiches with off-brand cola and a bag of chips. It was hilariously sad.

    2. ArtK*

      One of my personal adages: There is no thing so great that it can’t be ruined by making it mandatory.

    3. StillWork*

      I don’t know, that seems fair. Otherwise, favorite coworkers would get more people at their appreciation events, and hardworking introverts would feel snubbed if no one showed up to theirs.

      1. CatCat*

        These weren’t events to recognize individual employee accomplishments. Just general office-wide events to supposedly appreciate all employees, even those who did not want to be there.

  47. user7212*

    December. Performance review time at a huge international corporation, where I was horribly underpaid and overqualified. The year after I saved a huge project, during which I needed to take over the tasks of my boss’s boss and I received excellent reviews both from my project manager and the client, who contacted my bosses directly to tell them how he loved working with me.

    I receive an email from HR that I got a pay raise. I should come and pick up the notification about it. Not very elegant – my boss didn’t tell me anything, but still… Especially given that my bosses behaved horribly with me and I was so frustrated I was planning to leave the company anyway, just couldn’t find an alternative position. I didn’t expect I don’t know why but I thought, maybe at least they recognize me a bit.

    HR congratulated me and gave me the letter.

    It was 4 EUR a month (about 6 dollar). I kid you not. I had tears in my eyes and could hardly resist sobbing when I opened the letter.

    3. Q*

      I once had a newer boss give me a $75 bonus and expect me to fall to the ground and kiss his feet over it. A different boss the previous year had given me a $750 bonus. While I know I should be grateful for even the $75, I really wanted to ask if he forgot a zero.

    5. user7212*

      I remember another one (the same company).

      We were told we would get something very special, very elegant as a Christmas gift.

      It was a Moleskine notebook.

      A Moleskine notebook with a big logo of my company on its cover.

      Basically they gave us a notebook to use for work, e.g. during client meetings.

      We were expected to be totally enthusiastic about it – people used to say things like: “Oh wow, a Moleskine notebook! Wow!” UNIRONICALLY.

  48. lyonite*

    I worked for a large company that split itself into two smaller companies, for the sound business reason of giving big bonuses to the execs. Not long after the split was finalized there were some layoffs on my site and a bunch of us were let go. Not long after that, we all received a very heavy package in the mail, containing a very heavy crystal plaque congratulating us on being “Day 1” employees of the new spinoff company.

  49. Patsy Stone*

    I once worked for a major luxury hotel company (think hundreds of dollars a night for even the most basic of rooms) that had spent quite a few years working on a major new upgrade project. Everyone had worked long hours to get this thing up and running, and as a token of appreciation, we all received… plastic pen holders. Matching plastic pen holders. In the form of a small green garbage bin and a small blue recycling bin. Like the kind you can get at a dollar store.

    I recycled mine.

  50. BRR*

    My spouse worked for a clothing store that would reward people with gift certificates to that store. Employees were not able to use those gift certificates for more than 50% of a purchase.

    1. Curious Cat*

      I may be misreading, but this actually seems somewhat normal to me for retail. I’ve worked my fair share of retail jobs and they usually offer an employee discount. One place I worked for offered 30% off, another offered 70% of select items. Unless you mean this reward was on top of an already normal employee discount, in which case that is just an odd reward.

      1. Lynca*

        A gift certificate is typically redeemed for the full face value of the certificate. Not the same as a discount.

      2. Anon for this*

        It sounds like this was separate from the normal employee discount–that as a special award for something or other, the employee “got” a gift that could only be redeemed by spending money at the store where they worked.

      3. Hotstreak*

        I think what BRR is saying is that if they wanted to purchase a $50 item, they would only be allowed to pay $25 with gift card, and would be required to pay the other $25 with cash.

          1. Curious Cat*

            My fault! I mixed up the idea of a discount & separate gift certificate in my head. That really is a terrible gift!

      4. NoCleverUsername*

        It’s a gift certificate, not a discount – so if you had a $25 gift certificate you wouldn’t be able to spend it on anything unless you kicked in $25 of your own money on top.

        1. Kelly L.*

          Yup. And even if it was a $50 gift card, you couldn’t just spend it on a $50 item–you’d have to buy $100 worth of merchandise to use it.

      5. Anonygoose*

        I think it means that if they got a $20 gift card, they HAD to purchase something that was worth $40 or more – forcing them to spend their own money at the store they worked at in order to use the ‘gift’.

      6. AnotherJill*

        I interpret this as meaning that they had to spend at least twice as much as the gift certificate to use it. So a reward that is better for the store than the employee.

    2. Rusty Shackelford*

      So, a gift that forces you to give some of your own money back to your employer. Classy.

  51. Nobody Here by That Name*

    Not sure if this counts but my company changed how employees were paid last year, which meant that for all intents and purposes everyone got one week less of pay right during the end of year holiday season. As a way of saying thanks for being understanding during the changeover, they gave everyone the “gift” of an extra day off, to be taken on one of two select days. (How a day off was going to help people pay their bills is a question best left to the philosophers.)

    What made this especially thoughtful was that normally during the holidays we get a half day before the last week of the year. Except not last year, because we had the option of the day off, you see. So the Tuesday of the week where Friday should’ve been a half day, the head of HR sent out a “friendly reminder” (even though this was the first anyone was hearing of it) that Friday was actually a full day, because they’d been nice enough to give us a day off. A day off we only got because we weren’t getting a week of pay.

    So basically our holiday gift was a lost week of pay plus the loss of a small benefit under the guise of giving a day off as though it was out of the goodness of their hearts.

    1. Q*

      A friend of mine had the same payroll issue at her work but they handled it much better. They arranged to cover short term loans to the employees if needed to bridge the gap until they could get the new pay cycle sorted.

      1. Nobody Here by That Name*

        Yeah there were so many things they handled badly with this. For starters they knew it was happening much earlier in the year but didn’t tell anyone until about a month in advance, so nobody could adjust their budgets accordingly. Also their messaging about it was confusing, because it stressed that nobody’s pay was changing, everybody would be getting the same pay they always would, etc. and nothing about how there’d be one week less in our checks. It took one of the accounting people calling BS and spreading the word to let everyone know.

      2. Temping all the way*

        My previous employer did even better – they let folks cash out a week of PTO. And as a public university, the PTO package was good enough most folks had plenty of time banked so could take advantage of the offer.

    2. Slow Gin Lizz*

      I don’t even get this. If you are changing how you pay employees, shouldn’t they still be getting the same net amount??? How is what they did legal?

      1. Nobody Here by That Name*

        It was switching from a payment in advance to payment in arrears system, so you will still get the same net amount… at the time that you leave the company. In the meanwhile it’s a week of money that you thought you were going to have in your back account that now floats in the ether until your last day.

        To be fair I do get it, and think the arrears method is the better way to do it from a business perspective. It was just a horrible way for them to handle rolling this out, particularly given how many associates are paycheck to paycheck people.

      2. Detective Amy Santiago*

        They eventually got the same amount, but because of the change of the pay cycle, they got it later than they would have if they didn’t change it.

  52. KJDubreuil*

    Dear Employees,

    A gift should not be an expectation. A bonus reflects the value added to the business only when the business has funds to give. My business checking account this Monday (payroll day) ended up at $546 after payroll. That’s $546 not $5.460 or $54,600. I didn’t get paid either. I used some of my emergency savings to pay my personal bills and make payroll for my 20 employees.

    Employees that don’t act as if they want or appreciate the idea of birthday parties when others have them should not be surprised when they don’t get a birthday party. Well loved and appreciated employees will have different going away parties than irritating but admittedly efficient employees.

    Been there for 7 years and on the brink of a PIP for 6 of them because of how awful you are (even though you think you are great) don’t expect the same recognition when you resign as the summer intern that brought sunshine and light into the work life of the poor long suffering boss who is juggling HR, payroll, insurance, entitlement behavior, gossip, disgruntled employees, poorly performing employees, people who ask for time off during a blocked out holiday weekend ‘because I was gifted tickets . . . imagine the whine . . . ‘ people who just made a mistake that cost the business $40 (a tiny amount, multiplied by 10 people and 6 days a week suddenly becomes the bosses’ (grammar help?) paycheck that is not there this week.

    There are two (or more sides) to every story. The above is my side. Have sympathy please.
    Dr. BossreallydoingthebestIcan

    1. E*

      Well I think the people commenting here obviously have reason to believe they deserve some kind of recognition, so they probably don’t fall into those categories?

    2. fposte*

      I get it; I don’t own my own business, but I’m the head of my unit and budget with nobody near over me, so all the stuff that you mention is my problem too. But if your employee is awful, why not hire somebody else rather than seething at this one?

      1. Hotstreak*

        Agreed. And if your employees are making to many costly mistakes, it’s your responsibility to establish processes, training and development which will reduce those mistakes, or to charge a high enough price to cover your cost of business. It sounds like KJDubreuil’s business may be collapsing, which is unfortunate, but I hope everyone can still recognize that a famine mentality shouldn’t be the norm with regards to how you treat your employees. Not if you want to keep them around for long.

        1. fposte*

          And in general, one of the harder things about advancing, whether you become a business owner or just higher in management, is that you really do have to do more tending to than being tended. It’s not my staff’s obligation to grasp my overall obstacles.

    3. Just Tired*

      It sounds like you don’t like any of the people who work for you. That must be very depressing. There might be two sides to every story, true. And I’m not going to pass judgment in your case. But also, sometimes the other side of the story is that the boss or office mates really are just nasty and/or unempathetic people. Doesn’t mean *you* are nasty and/or unempathetic. If you are particularly proud of something you have done to recognize an outstanding employee, why don’t you put that here?

    4. peachie*

      KJ, I see where you’re coming from, and I have not been in a position to administer payroll, bonuses, or other “extras,” so I know you’re speaking from experience that I don’t have. But I disagree that employees should have no expectations of equal treatment for this kind of thing. The best-functioning workplaces I’ve been in have a super standardized approach to this–everyone gets the same parting gift/small party, birthdays are never “officially” celebrated (i.e., paid for by the company), everyone gets the same year-end gift, etc.

      I do think there’s a place for individualized/different treatment for things that are not company-wide (like bonuses, yearly department lunches, etc.), but in general, I think standardization is easier to plan for makes for much less drama. It reminds me of the “invite ALL the kids in your class” rule.

      It also sounds like you’ve had a lot of money stress at your job (are you the business owner? It seems like you’re taking on a LOT of personal expenses), and I get that. I don’t mean to say “Buy each of your employees a car!”–I’m sure there are some years where the best fiscal decision is to not provide any of these “extras” as a rule. But I think keeping decisions like this as impersonal as possible is for the best.

      1. Snark*

        I agree. Whether you, boss, especially like someone or not, the manner in which an employee should be sent should be determined by whether they were an asset to your company, not on the basis of your personal affection and affinity for them. There’s really nothing wrong with everyone getting basically the same parting gift and party.

    5. Snark*

      “Well loved and appreciated employees will have different going away parties than irritating but admittedly efficient employees.”

      This is understandable on a personal, human level – we like who we like, and some people are irritating – but this is not “really doing the best you can.” Or maybe it is, but I would not encourage you to give yourself much credit for it, because the line between “well loved and appreciated employees get different parties” and “the boss’ pets get special treatment and the rest get an awkward pro-forma sendoff” is pretty fuzzy.

      1. lisalee*

        Also, even if one 7-year employee sucks, other employees will see unequal treatment of them and wonder if that will happen to them. Best to just treat everyone fairly.

        1. Snark*

          And frankly, if someone’s been on the verge of a PIP for SIX YEARS, why not just fire them? Or put them on that PIP, then fire them? If an employee sucks, end the employment relationship – don’t treat them badly.

          1. Notyourwhippinggirl*

            My thought exactly. I think one of my old bosses sent posted this. Just because you have the money to own a business does not mean you know how to manage people. If you treated your employees well, you wouldnt be stuck with a 7 year employee who was on a PIP for 6.

            Sign me,
            Forgot my birthday even though its on a big calender and gave me a chocolate cake on my last day even though you knew i was on WW.

          2. SystemsLady*

            Yup. I had a terrible boss for two years who spent most of his time seething at (and sometimes outright yelling at) two employees the rest of us generally agreed were not very good at their jobs.

            But we put up with them because they were nice people and were being treated in a way that almost disincentified trying to improved. No PIP or nothing.

            Those two employees were fired within a year and a half of my current boss starting. The difference is my current boss actually put them on PIPs, didn’t complain to other employees (though he did commiserate if we expressed frustrations with them), and fired them respectfully (without gossiping to the rest of us when, how, or why).

    7. ExcelJedi*

      This may seem like the best way to manage your best and worst employees when you’re stressed and not getting paid yourself, but you’re just shooting yourself in the foot in the long run.

      Nurture an environment where it’s clear that the boss has favorites, and some people are not on that list? Those people are going to give you exactly what they think their paycheck is worth in terms of labor, and not a penny more. They will not be forgiving of your mistakes, they will expect you to be looking to get one over on them, and they will probably leave when their skills are most in demand and you need them the most.

      Nurture an environment where everyone feels like they’re valued? Most will be more enthusiastic, less burdened by drama, and more likely to give you good work. And those who are’t should be better managed or managed out.

      1. Archie Goodwin*

        Also, if you make sure everyone feels valued, people are likely to stick around longer. I know that as long as I feel I’m bringing something worthwhile to the team I’m not going to be looking for the exit door.

    8. Q*

      I once made a mistake that cost my company $73,000. I completely understood when I was not granted a raise that year. I was just happy to still have my job.

    9. Seriously?*

      The main thing seems to be consistency though. Resentment builds when someone does something that brings in extra money for the company or helps save costs and doesn’t get anything while someone else does something similar and gets praise, a gift, a bonus, something that makes them feel valued. If the checking account tends to get low, maybe don’t give bonuses at all or have a high bar for what it takes to earn one. instead give verbal recognition or an extra day off or something else that you would be able to do consistently. This is even more true if the recognition is for making it to the five or ten year mark. Not every company does something for that, but it stings if one person gets a party for being there for five years and one person gets resounding silence.

      1. Snark*

        And that resentment can build even among the favored employees – it undermines you as a boss and makes the entire workplace feel uncomfortably relationship-based and cliquey, which naturally leads most to wonder when they’re going to be voted off the island.

    10. Detective Amy Santiago*

      Employees that don’t act as if they want or appreciate the idea of birthday parties when others have them should not be surprised when they don’t get a birthday party.

      Or, you could TALK to your employees and ask them if they want one. Let them opt OUT if they choose.

      1. Snark*

        I think the thing KJ is missing is that even if you don’t want a birthday party per se, a workplace environment where some get special attention and treatment and recognition and others don’t is inherently uncomfortable for those not so recognized.

    11. Liz*

      Dear Harry Potter, a gift should not be an expectation. Orphans that don’t act as if they want or appreciate the idea of birthday parties when others have them should not be surprised when they don’t get a birthday party. Well loved and appreciated children will have different numbers of presents than irritating but admittedly efficient children.

    12. President Porpoise*

      I totally get it. But may I recommend that you just cut the birthday appreciation gifts/events (at least) entirely rather than give them non-uniformly? It’s honestly better for morale, and for your own stress/finances.

      Hope next pay period comes out better for you, best of luck.

    13. StillWork*

      If your business isn’t making enough money to pay you a paycheck, that is not the fault of your employees. That’s the fault of you as the business owner.

    14. biobottt*

      I’m not sure that encouraging and openly displaying favoritism is really doing the best you can.

    15. Joielle*

      Also… not to pile on, but “the summer intern that brought sunshine and light into the work life of the poor long suffering boss” is, frankly, creepy. Your employees are there to do a job, not be your personal cheerleaders or eye candy. Bleh.

  53. Rod*

    This is kind of an inversion, but in leiu of a Chirstmas bonus my former boss got me an expensive smartwatch (like, think a Rolex style watch with fitness tracking, not a fitbit or apple watch). I don’t wear watches, I don’t wear men’s jewelry of any kind, and I don’t like wearing conspicuously expensive things at all, all of which he knew. I remember him actually asking a few weeks before if I liked watches and I told him I can’t stand wearing them as they hurt my wrist and I have a phone to tell the time. But he got it for me anyway because it was something HE wanted, so he bought the same gift for everyone (his 2 other employees, his family members, and himself). And whatever he wanted was obviously what everyone else wanted!

    I waited a few months and then sold it online for a few hundred bucks. Later I heard him on the phone with the manufacturer trying to get his money back because the fitness tracking/bluetooth functionality was barebones garbage, it turned out. So like everything he did, it was an impulse purchase he regretted soon after.

    1. Luna123*

      People who give people the gifts that they actually want for themselves are the worst type of gift givers. If you don’t know what someone else wants/needs, just get a gift card

      1. Rod*

        Yeah, basically he’ll see something he wants and assume everyone else will want it too, because he apparently can’t conceive of people having different tastes from him.

        1. Luna123*

          Yeah, I have a relative who’s like that. I just house-sat her place for a few days, and when she came back, she gave me . . . a handmade cup type thing that didn’t match any of my dishware (but fit in perfectly with the stuff at her house). TBH, I hope I’m house-sitting for free next time.

    2. Almost Violet Miller*

      This is how ex-grandboss at my previous company dealt with Christmas gifts.
      He chose an Android-compatible smartwatch for the entire team when the workphones were Blueberries and most people (except for him) had iOS/Microsoft private phones.
      I sold the watch, bought designer sunglasses and had a good laugh about it but still not very thoughtful.

  54. Jen*

    There seem to be a lot of comments about birthday celebrations (or lack thereof), is this a common thing in the US? I’m in the UK and custom is that on your birthday you bring in cake/treats and send around an email along the lines of “it’s my birthday so here are some snacks!” and your co-workers help themselves and say happy birthday. All very low key.

    (Obviously will vary from place to place, but in my workplace and what I hear from friends this seems like the norm.)

    1. Anon for this*

      It’s not universal, but fairly common, for the rest of the group to do something small for the birthday person in the US, like bring a cake or some other kind of goodies. Everybody partakes, generally, but it’s at least nominally for the birthday person.

    2. LawBee*

      It’s been the norm in every office I’ve worked in. The office treats the birthday-haver. Sometimes that’s covered by the office petty cash, sometimes there’s a “birthday fund” that everyone can contribute to, it varies. Where I work now, our boss takes us all out to lunch on his dime for birthdays – it’s really nice. :)

    3. Elle*

      My current employer (I’m also British) does it this way, and I think it’s much better. A previous employer had the office buy lunch, which would have worked fine if they had celebrated everyone’s birthday – I got left out my first year, despite the other new hire being celebrated a fortnight earlier.

    4. CTT*

      It’s really dependent on your office, or even the floor you’re on. I’ve worked places that went freakishly all-out, ones that didn’t acknowledge it, and a lot of in-between. The place I worked longest did one birthday cake a month to celebrate everyone’s birthdays that month, and within my little cohort, someone would always bring in bagels or doughnuts for a colleague’s birthday.

    5. BadWolf*

      I’m in the US and that’s what we do at my company. You bring in treats on your birthday, if you want to celebrate your birthday.

      Whenever I read about birthday craziness on this blog, I’m thankful for this plan.

      2. SittingDuck*

        I really like this – I think it makes so much more sense. That way you:
        A) Get to celebrate only if you want to – no forced celebrations on those who don’t care for it
        B) Get a cake you will enjoy without having to explain to your boss/the coordinator what your favorite cake is
        C) Don’t have to participate in the ridiculous ‘birthday pools’ which end up with everyone passing around X amount to pay for everyone elses stuff
        D) Get to spend as much or as little as you want on your party – and not have to pony up a certain amount for anyone elses

        I wish all companies did it this way !

    6. Manders*

      Yep, it’s pretty common in the US. It might have something to do with the fact that there are a lot of holidays we don’t recognize here that Europeans might have a mini party or a day off for, so birthdays are a way to create some extra reasons to celebrate in the office. We pretty much don’t have any holidays that are celebrated in the workplace (besides a handful of federal days off that some places don’t take time off for) from January to July.

    7. Archie Goodwin*

      My current office does a monthly birthday recognition, with cake, for everyone whose birthdays fall in that particular month. It’s fun and low-key – I work as a contractor in a satellite office of a federal agency, and there are some geographical quirks to the setup that mean we don’t really interact much with other people in the building, or on the team. So the monthly recognition allows us to get together socially and be pleasant to one another. And it’s not mandatory.

      Otherwise that’s as far as I go. I don’t mind if people know when my birthday IS, but I try not to make a big deal out of it. No snacks or anything…just let me get through the day and I’ll be fine.

    8. McWhadden*

      Most of the time, in my experience, birthday stuff is done communally by the other employees not paid for by the boss.

      Usually we’ll all chip in for a cake or someone will bake. And a card.

    9. Millennial Lawyer*

      In my old office we had a system similar that was like – bring your own cake in if you want to celebrate your birthday and everyone can gather in the conference room. In my current office, there aren’t birthday celebrations at all. The thing is though these are all government offices where a manager could not buy a cake or special things for people – the expectations are different. I think in private companies it depends on culture.

      (Granted, these things can get petty as well – in one government office I interned in, the culture was that everyone chipped in in advance for money used to buy birthday decorations and cake. Since I was an intern, I was unaware, and the head of the “birthday committee” said I could not join the party unless I chipped in. I was unpaid.)

    10. Catabodua*

      It really varies on the place. Some places I’ve worked don’t do any acknowledgement (yeah!) and some have had people who use any damn excuse to celebrate and you are getting a cake because they want one.

      I really like the idea of bringing in something from you to share. So if you want to ignore your birthday it’s easy enough to do.

    11. Tau*

      I’ve worked at two places in the UK, one of which did exactly what you mention and one which did a card and (possibly) a quick get-together for the higher-ups. Now in Germany, and we do a card, a small presentation and a gift worth maybe 25 euros or so. So I think it may be more office-dependent than US/European, although I wouldn’t be surprised if there were trends. (Among others, the birthday person was responsible for bringing cake if so desired at all three places.)

    12. Nicki Name*

      It may vary by industry or region. I’m in the US, and I’ve worked at one place where the department would get a cake every month, and anyone having a birthday or work anniversary that month would get some say in what kind of cake was gotten. There and everywhere else I’ve worked, if you wanted treats on your birthday you brought your own.

      OTOH, more than half the jobs I’ve had have had at least one floating holiday (actual holiday, not extra PTO) that we were strongly encouraged to use on or near our birthdays.

    13. AliceW*

      I’ve worked in many corporations and no place I ever worked celebrated employee birthdays at all. So I find the practice of acknowledging employee birthdays in the office a bit weird.

    14. Turquoisecow*

      My last employer, my team had a monthly birthday celebration to cover anyone who had a birthday that month. Three people would be assigned on a rotating basis to bring in food – some people baked, and some people bought a box of cookies, but there were enough people that you didn’t get picked often. We’d have a conference room booked, and the VP would host a trivia game or similar with teams competing (I don’t think there a prize, but if there was, it was minor).

      It was not at all mandatory, and some people rarely attended, or showed up to grab food and then got back to work. The VP would briefly acknowledge the birthday honorees and sometimes give a brief update on work-related news. As a sometimes introvert who also craves recognition, this was the perfect blend of “ignore me!!” and “pay attention to me!” I didn’t feel awkward (although maybe some people did), and I felt “special” but not tooo much so.

    15. Cornflower Blue*

      I’m in Asia. Over here, you’re expected to ‘treat’ everyone on your birthday, as soon as you join, your 1 year anniversary and when you leave.

      Basically that means spending about $70 to provide cake for all 80 people on our floor MULTIPLE TIMES at least during the first two years.

    16. Aquae Sulis*

      I’m also in the UK, and we bring in the cakes for our own birthday too.

      Also, I’ve been at my company 10+ years, and there’s never been any recognition at hitting 5 years, 10 years, etc. Not even an email!

  55. peachie*

    A handwritten, personal thank you note is as cheap as grabbing a mug from the company swag leftover closet and so much more meaningful (and less likely to be taken as a snub). I wish this were more common! I got one note like that from a team outside my department at my previous job, and it made me feel genuinely appreciated.

    1. Oxford Coma*

      Agreed. My boss pulled me into a conference room yesterday to tell me how much she appreciated me. It cost her nothing, and I continuously go above and beyond for her specifically due to her good treatment of me.

  56. Not So Super-visor*

    I have a funny one. At the company that my husband used to work for, they were celebrating a safety milestone (something like # of days without an accident). They gave all of the employees knives with the company logo on them. These were not small pocket knives or multi-tools with a blade — it is a full-size, hunting style knife… as a Safety Award! It’s currently in his tool box at home, and he frequently jokes about having to use his “Safety Knife” for projects.

    1. Just Tired*

      Why do people like to give away knives? I worked for a DV shelter and the Development Manager wanted to order knives with our logo on them for SWAG items.

      1. Hotstreak*

        Everyone uses knives, right? A large fixed blade “hunting style” knife doesn’t seem out of place in a more industrial setting (like any place that tracks safety days).

      2. Thursday Next*

        Say what now? I find this even more incongruous than giving out knives as safety rewards!

      3. Femme d'Afrique*

        I’m sorry, Just Tired, but did you say that someone who worked at a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE shelter wanted to give out knives as “SWAG” items??

      5. MustNotBeNamed*

        I’m having so much trouble processing this. “Knife” is so far outside of my idea of what SWAG items would be; if an org gave me a branded knife, I’d be baffled. But if that org was a DV shelter, I would honestly expect a pic of said knife to go viral within the week.

      1. smoke tree*

        When I saw the phrase “they were celebrating a safety milestone” I was definitely expecting a different ending to the story.

    7. Anonymous Engineer*

      The huge manufacturing company I work for did something similar – gave out pocket knives for a safety milestone.

      And then over the course of the next two weeks they had several hand injuries from the “safety knives” that they had to ban employees from carrying them in the plant.

    8. ScrappyChef*

      My husband’s company did something similar.They gave out collapsible snow shovels to put in your trunk. A few days later they sent out an email saying to not use the shovels because the hinge was a pinching hazard.

    9. IForgetWhatNameIUsedBefore*

      A friend of mine once worked for a company that thought it would be a good idea to pass out small hatchets printed with some absurd corporate speak cliche (“let’s cut losses in ‘95!” type blather) as tchotchkes during a big company wide convention at a pretty fancy hotel.
      This…did not go well. She said there were groups of blind drunk salesmen & businessmen whooping and chasing each other around the hotel with the hatchets all night long, and someone managed to chop down one of the potted trees in the lobby. I don’t think anyone actually got injured, which was astonishing, but they had to address it as the first order of business the next day- NOBODY was pleased, especially not the hotel!

  57. Sloan Kittering*

    Small snub: my office offers gold cufflinks for the men at ten years, but the lady’s gift is not as good. Always bugs me. I’m going to ask for the cufflinks if I’m here that long, I do have a few shirts that have those kind of cuffs.

    1. The Original Flavored K*

      Sounds gendered, which would make it not a small snub. What’s the gift for women who’ve put ten years of time in?

        1. Cornflower Blue*

          …What the FUCK?

          1) Harassment should not be happening anyway on any day.
          2) A gift with no monetary value definitely does not equal a gift of gold jewelry.

    2. Not Australian*

      Aww, that’s like societies that have a tie for men and only a wretched *headscarf* for ladies. No, sirs, the two things are not at all similar; ties are often required wearing for men, whereas only a minority of women wear headscarves. (Hint: try asking a woman what would be appropriate.)

  58. Anon-a-mouse*

    Law firm’s managing partner, Don, had been struck down suddenly by a debilitating illness. For six months, another partner, Joan, picked up the slack and performed all of managing partner’s additional duties, as well as handling her own practice group. At the company Christmas party, random partner Bob gets up to make a speech, lets us know that Don has retired due to illness, thanks Joan for all of her hard work during the time that Don had been out, and announces that he, Bob, has been elected as managing partner. Joan gasps, storms out of the room crying. Joan had not been included in the partner meeting held that afternoon.
    Joan left the firm within 2 months.

    1. Anon-a-mouse*

      I may have told this story before, as “the grimmest office Christmas party ever.” The remaining partners (8-10 of them, all men) tried to rally everyone to have drinks and celebrate, but the mostly women associates could not shake the sound of Joan’s gasp. Within a year, only one of the four of us remained. That one is the only woman partner at the firm, 12 years later.

      1. CdnAcct*

        Wow. I don’t even know what to say to that, but I hope Joan did great after getting out of that boys’ club.

    4. Pamela*

      Sounds like the time my grand boss quit and my boss “Jane Doe” took over her responsibilities while still doing her own. A week later, there was a company wide meeting at which the CEO announced, “Susan’s replacement will be Jane–” My boss stood up. “Jones!”

      My boss sat down.

      2. Marshmellin*

        Sad. But….usually you know if you’re going to be promoted before it’s announced in a company-wide meeting.

      3. Snazzy Hat*

        I had that at a marching band trip! I wasn’t expecting the award, but the way the director was describing the recipient, I thought for sure it was me. Amount of time spent with the band, proficiency in a number of instruments (didn’t specify which ones) but only played one in the band, other artistic talents… I didn’t fully stand up but I quickly looked like I was adjusting my seat.

  59. Elle*

    I started my first proper job at the beginning of January (some years ago!), and was followed a week later by another new hire, a man about my own age who I’ll call Brutus (because he later turned out to be a backstabber – but not the point of this story!). In late February our office manager sent out an email saying it was Brutus’ birthday, and so the office was buying us all lunch – come lunchtime we pile down to the board room, and there is pizza, wine, and birthday cake. How nice! I think. Two weeks later my own birthday rolls around, and is completely and utterly ignored by everyone. That was, really, my first hint about how that company valued female employees compared to male ones. I’m not one to expect any sort of fuss at work about my birthday, but I do expect everyone to be treated equally – and if you can’t do that, don’t celebrate at all. It’s not like the office manager didn’t have my date of birth! Received only shortly before Brutus’.

    My current office, you are expected to provide treats for everyone else when it’s your birthday, which I think is much better, and also means that if people don’t want a fuss made of their birthday, they just don’t say anything. The office does collect for leaving gifts and baby gifts, but this is literally a single email telling you what is being collected for, and who has the card and envelope – no one chases you up if you don’t contribute. It means if you want to give you can, but no one feels forced.

    Additionally, my previous employer used to give bonuses, which stopped when the industry was badly hit by a down turn. I could understand the cash stopping, but I never understood why they didn’t carry on with the accompanying note from the company’s managing director telling you why you (personally) were a valuable employee – it meant far more to me than the money ever did!

  60. YouwantmetodoWHAT?!*

    I was once given a ice cream coupon for 1 free scoop from 31 flavors, as a thank you for all my hard work.

    2. SystemsLady*

      I could see that as a summer thing given to all employees, but as a personal award, wow…

  61. Shona*

    At OldJob I was a web developer for a mid sized nonprofit. They put on a conference that was a really big deal to the organization, like the president who retired shortly after called it her “legacy.” My role was tangential, I built the website and helped the person doing social media, who was at the event.

    After the event the president sent an organization-wide email thanking everyone who’d been involved and describing their role. At the very end of the email was my name. Misspelled. I was credited with “helping out with the website” which I had built.

    I would’ve been fine with no recognition. Wouldn’t have thought anything of it. My role was small compared to the others. But it stung to have my work on the project devalued and my name misspelled. It was literally worse than nothing.

    1. Bridget*

      Yep. I did a lot of fundraising for a certain organization in college that had a team-based fundraising event. My senior year, my team had raised the most money, beating the next team by about $2,000, and I was the top individual fundraiser, beating second place by about $1,000. The theme of the event that year was movies or the oscars or something and my “prize,” given to me at the end of the event at 5am, was a plastic oscars statue that they didn’t even bother to personalize—it says something dippy like “movie star” on it. Clearly a bulk thing from oriental trading meant for a kids’ birthday party or something.

      I actually ended up working with that org after college and it turns out that my particular event/committee just sucked at awards, but it’s somethint I never forgot. I still have it somewhere. I used to prominently display it on my desk when I worked there.

  62. beachykeen*

    My newspaper got gobbled up by a larger new organization and while they didn’t fold us or lay people off, employees still jumped ship with the uncertainty and there was a hiring freeze… so a staff of four reporters ended up covering an entire county (“full staff” was 7-8), working 12-hour days and 6-day weeks sometimes, and never able to take vacation for an entire summer. When the “awards banquet” held by our new corporate overlords came around, none of us were recognized and the publisher afterward had the gall to tell us she hoped the awards ceremony inspired us to work harder.

    I do not work at that newspaper anymore and never got the tee shirt we were also promised by corporate…

  63. paul*

    This thread cements my conviction that if I’m ever an employer/manager type, we just ain’t doing any sort of birthday parties/baby showers/etc.

    Too many ways for it to go wrong.

    1. Not a Blossom*

      I think that if you are going to do it, the best way is to stick with birthdays and have a list to which anyone who wants to be recognized can add their name and birthday. Then, once per month, do a cake for everyone with a birthday in that month. It doesn’t awkwardly single some people out, it lets people avoid attention if they want to, and it treats everyone the same.

      1. DoctorateStrange*

        Yes, my workplace does that. The monthly birthday celebration was also optional so people, including the birthday people, don’t have to attend if they didn’t want to. And the celebrations were combined with employee-of-the-month announcements which were pretty fun as well.

    3. Amphian*

      I would far rather work at a company that does not do this kind of stuff, and, being in tech, I have been lucky enough to never really have to deal with it. There are far too many ways for it to go wrong, people who don’t want their event publicized, etc. My coworkers are not by default my friends. I’m an introvert – having to do anything social with people I might not know well or might not like is not a gift, but a punishment. If I wanted to celebrate my birthday, for example, with a coworker – I’d ask them to do something after work.

  64. Grace*

    I’m a teacher at a large public school board. Efforts to provide official “thank you for your service” gifts aren’t required. I’d rather not have had the following:
    – as a person who worked quarter-time, I was given a $2.50 Starbucks gift card to commemorate my tenth year of teaching (full-time people were given $10 cards)
    – on my twentieth year, as a full-time employee, I received a blanket that retails for $12.

    1. Q*

      I was appalled at the $2.50 gift card until I realized that the $10 was for $10 years. A dollar a year is insulting.

      2. Marian Librarian*

        The person selling the gift card probably thought it must be a joke. I’m so sorry that happened!

    2. Amity*

      $2.50 is beyond crappy. Most places won’t even let you purchase a card for less than $5 value!

      1. Grace*

        Yeah. I’m pretty sure that purchasing a $2.50 gift card took effort. I mean… who does that?

    3. C*

      It is a good thing you were not part-time at the blanket gift – they might have given you a doll sized blanket!

  65. CTT*

    The firm I was a paralegal at always did a staff recognition luncheon. The lunch itself was fine, but the attorneys would get there 10 minutes early to line up outside the elevator and applaud the staff as they came out of the elevator. It was 1) mildly condescending and 2) REALLY terrifying. It may not sound like it, but walking out of an elevator to 60 people applauding you is startling at best the first time it happens. The inside scoop I got from a few attorneys is that half of them hated it, half of them loved it, and there were a lot of older/influential staff members who REALLY loved it, so I believe it has stuck around to this day. I’m not saying I went to law school just so I could rejoin that firm and tell the attorneys how awful it was from a staff perspective, but I’m also not not-saying that.

    On the plus side, all the staff got to get their food first, which was a legitimately nice benefit.

    1. Q*

      LOL! I was thinking you were going to say that the attorneys all got there first and ravaged the buffet. So I suppose it could have been worse. :)

    2. HannahS*

      There’s one medical school in Canada (known for being a party school) that has a group of current students lined up by the door on interview day to clap and cheer whenever an interviewee comes in. It’s downright alarming! And certainly not calming when you’re already incredibly nervous.

  66. Kat*

    An old workplace rolled out a rewards and recognition program to try to improve morale. It seemed fine on paper. Every other month 2 employees would be recognized at an all-staff meeting for outstanding work. The reward was a special convenient parking spot for their two month reign and a certificate. And every six months a more significant award would be given for which the employee got a plaque and a gift card. I initially appreciated the low-key nature of this program and thought it might actually help improve the very bad morale and general feeling employees had of being unappreciated. But as it went on, the managers who presented the awards at each meeting started doing more and more elaborate presentations. Skits, song and dance, comedy routines, magic tricks, animated videos, etc. Each one competing to outdo the last until these employee recognition presentations became more about the managers than about the employees receiving the awards, which didn’t. The management culture of over-the-top self promotion was a major cause of the the morale issues and the recognition program just led to more of it.

  67. cactus lady*

    I think I posted this once before, but at an old job, we had once a month cake day to celebrate all the birthdays in that month. It was great! I highly recommend it. Once a month cake is great for morale!

    1. Kat*

      I like that approach too. One of my former employers did this and we also recognized work anniversaries at the same time and made time for anyone else to share milestones or things they wanted to recognize colleagues for. It was usually just the last 20 minutes of our monthly staff meeting which was exactly the right amount of celebrating for most people.

      1. Penny Hartz*

        Long-time reader, first time poster delurking to say we did a version of this at OldJob as well. If three people had their birthdays in, say, September, they would decide on which of about six restaurants (all close by and reasonably priced) to go to for their birthday lunch. A date would be picked that worked with the most peoples’ schedules. Everyone paid their own way and threw in a couple bucks to cover the birthday person(s)’ meals. On your actual birthday you got a little “traveling statue” to display at your desk. It was wonderful, equal, and NO ONE (temps, student workers) was left out. I shared an actual birthdate with another employee, so another statue was found and pressed into service.

        Here at NewJob we don’t recognize birthdays at all and that’s fine too. As many have already said in this thread, it’s when recognition is not “even” is when it’s a problem. I could write about a few times that’s happened to me but I honestly would probably make myself cry.

    2. Seriously?*

      My previous work place switched to that as well. It was much better because otherwise some people got skipped.

    4. Alton*

      I don’t mind that my current workplace doesn’t acknowledge birthdays, but I wouldn’t be at all opposed to getting a piece of cake every month!

      1. cactus lady*

        I always hated having my bday recognized at work… But eating cake once a month? And the spotlight isn’t on me? Yes please.

    5. Turquoisecow*

      We did the same at my last job, but three people were assigned on a rotating basis to bring snacks. At first people brought in handmade cakes/cupcakes, and then in later months it was more like a box of cookies they picked up, or some munchkins. Also, some people wanted healthy snacks, so we’d try to get at least one person to bring in some fruit.

    6. PepperVL*

      Unless you’re asked what kind of cake you want and then they don’t get it. That happened to me during my birthday month.

  68. L.*

    This is a silly example not involving gifts, but just basic recognition. My first job, near the end – I was leaving in a month or so for an internship in my dream field (what I do for work now, in fact!) and had been hired as a project associate and general assistant to the CEO straight out of grad school. I made SO many mistakes on that job! So many, which I now recognize. My job was partly administrative (accounts payable, office management… I once put together an electric standing desk… etc) but partly research/analysis and project work, which was the part I loved. The admin part, not so much. I was not an amazing assistant, in almost any way, but I did try (and my boss did NOT give lots of feedback or guidance, so it was mostly up to me to learn from doing).

    Anyway, another senior manager had asked me to help out on a major research project for a HUGE client (think one of the biggest names in whatever industry you’re in). It had a ton of survey analysis and stuff that I’m really good at, and I pitched in a LOT because they were short-handed and needed this work to be high quality. The project got finished on time and it was high quality.

    So my boss, the CEO, sent an all-staff email out, explaining that this major client was thrilled with the project (especially the analysis) and had put us on a shortlist of companies to hire for this kind of consulting work. He congratulated every. single. other. person. on the project and completely left me out of it. I just stared at my computer screen and tried not to cry. (I failed but made it to the bathroom in time to hide it.) The senior manager who’d pulled me in eventually saw the email and came to apologize to me, and my boss sent me an email a few days later to me saying “Oh, so-and-so told me you worked on this, thanks for your help”, but I have NEVER forgotten how awful that felt. It took me years to realize that while I was not great at that job, the CEO was also a bad manager, even if he was a great CEO in other ways.

    2. GRA*

      Something very similar happened to me – I called the CEO out on being left off the list of names who had assisted with the project (for which I had compiled ALL the data from the surveys, etc.). Her response was “Since you weren’t on the steering committee for the project, it wasn’t appropriate to include your name”. I left for a better job a couple months after that.

  69. KHB*

    My team has had four people doing the work of five for six months and counting, because a team member resigned and our COO won’t give us permission to fill the vacancy. (They cited financial concerns as the reason, but the company is doing fine financially.)

    Right before Christmas, the very same COO came around in a Santa hat handing out $1000 bonus checks to everyone (not just my team), and self-importantly declaring that “We just want to thank you for all the time and effort you’ve put into the organization.”

    I know that compared to a cheap mug or a teddy bear, $1000 is nothing to sneeze at, but as compensation for all the extra “time and effort” we’ve had to put in just to keep things afloat, it doesn’t go terribly far.

    1. awkula*

      I haven’t had a raise or bonus in ten years and have never had a bonus over $150 even back when we got them. I would weep from happiness if I had an extra grand right now. We must be in very different industries!

      1. KHB*

        I was definitely pleased to receive the bonus – it’s nice that they’re at least distributing the surplus money to the employees rather then spending it all on the C suite or whatever. But it’s very frustrating to see them throwing money around and at the same time telling us we can’t afford to be fully staffed.

        1. mirinotginger*

          I understand how you feel. I’m an entry level person in my company and have been doing both my job and the job of my much more senior coworker since July. I am not ‘qualified’ for this other position, so won’t be compensated for it or given a level bump or anything, but did get a $1000 thanks. And like, I appreciate the sentiment, but now that you put a $ amount on it, I’m kind of upset? That person made easily double what I make, but doing their job for 7 months is only worth $1000 and no level bump or raise? Cool. I’ll start job hunting

    2. Emilie*

      I understand the sentiment here. It’s a problem in the danish health care system as well, at the moment. A lot of the doctors and nurses say that they don’t care as much about raises, as they do about putting money towards having more people on staff, so they’ll actually have time to eat and go to the bathroom during their 12+ shifts.

  70. Ice Bear*

    After reading these stories I’m convinced we’d all be better off if we didn’t celebrate non-work related events at work. There will always be people who are not as popular as others and will feel stiffed in comparison. Do like my husband’s company does and give everyone their birthday off in the form of an extra vacation day. I’d rather have that then some dry cake anyway.

      1. aNon*

        I think we all know that means you only have an actual birthday once every four years so you only get the day off once every four years. /s

        1. Gelliebean*

          And if you’re accidentally apprenticed to a pirate… well…. You may be there a bit longer than expected.

    3. AMPG*

      My company gives people their birthdays off, too – no muss, no fuss, and everyone loves it.

  71. GovtLawyer*

    My old job got us all engraved pens. This was thoughtful except two things: they pointed out that they got them engraved by the prisoners at the county jail in the county we worked for, which felt a bit…icky, and the pens were in black in, when the office and jurisdiction I worked in had a strict blue ink only policy.

  72. Stephanie*

    Some of these are hilarious. First Job was at a federal agency, where there are pretty explicit rules limiting the value of gifts between employees and supervisors, but I had nothing as bad as these.

  73. Bettywho*

    I worked at a large nonprofit healthcare organization where an employee recognition program was initiated where patients, vendors and fellow employees could write a note citing an employee’s great service. When an employee got a certain number, say 10, they were eligible for a recognition celebration which included a gift of a choice of appliance, CD player, etc. The program backfired because some people kept writing each other up just to get gifts and usually for very innocuous reasons, e.g. she held open a door for me. So eventually the gifts dwindled down to nothing but getting a piece of cake and then the program was abandoned altogether. What really galled me was that one the first people to get a great gift and notoriety was a truly awful person that I had never had one nice encounter with the entire time I worked there; I used to dread having to call her number.

  74. EditorInChief*

    At OldJob we used to get generous gift cards from Tiffany’s for our 5- 10- 15- etc. year anniversaries, starting at $500 for 5 years. During the great recession of 2008 OldJob was downsizing and cutting costs. As was lack of communication was common there no one mentioned any change in the anniversary bonuses, so when one of my colleagues reached her 25th anniversary she was expecting quite the bonus. When she didn’t receive it she asked our boss, who asked HR. The HR response verbatim: “Tell her her bonus is that she gets to keep her job.” This to a woman who spent her whole career at this company.

  75. Manders*

    My boss made a big deal of my coworker’s upcoming wedding with a party and cake, but completely forgot to celebrate mine (except for allowing my coworkers to razz me for not changing my last name to my husband’s name and for not knowing details like “color scheme”).

    I’m not normally one to fuss about that kind of recognition, and I was getting married right before Christmas so I knew there was already a lot going on, so I tried to take it in stride. The reason I was getting married in such a rush was because my mom had a terminal disease and I wanted to make sure she’d get a chance to see me get married, so it was a little difficult being told and shown I wasn’t getting married the “right” way.

    That was one of several signs I needed to start job hunting. And I found a kickass job that lets me work remotely so I can visit my mom more, so in the end, she did me a favor?

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, but congrats on the new job!

  76. Debbie*

    At my first year anniversary in 1997 at FirstJob , they gave everyone a tie pin. A tie pin is meant to be worn on a TIE. I am a women with no need for a tie pin. I am not sure how they thought that was a good idea.

    1. YouwantmetodoWHAT?!*

      I would have gotten a tie and worn it the very next day, with the tie pin prominently displayed.

    2. Naptime Enthusiast*

      I read that as “pie tin” and wondered why anyone would have a need for that. I need to slow down.

      2. Positive Reframer*

        In completely terrible version, tie pins for men, pie tins for women.

        I guess you can give them credit for equal treatment??? A great example of how equal isn’t always equal.

      3. QuiteContrary*

        Tie pins for the men, pie tins for the women. There’s probably nothing wrong with that, right?

    3. No*

      When citigroup bought my smallish company way back when they gave a single tie pin with the red umbrella to every employee. Thanks for nothing guys.

  77. PhillyKate*

    It isn’t a milestone story but…this past January was my 30th birthday. My boss and his boss brought me donuts and proceeded to sit around my desk and eat quite a few of them and both wished me the “happiest birthday yet.”

    30 mins later they sat me down to tell me my role had been eliminated, but hey! At least I had donuts as consolation.

    In hindsight, they gave me the greatest birthday gift ever.

    1. KylieHR*

      OMG I have been there. I got called in during my birthday party and told that I was being laid off. Then they wouldn’t let me go back to my desk to get my stuff. They made me wait and then escorted me downstairs where a police officer had a box full of everything from my desk and then escorted me out. The company got hit hard with the recession and this was a routine layoff. I had not done anything that should require a police(!) escort. To add insult to injury, I never did get to actually eat my cake. I had a whole plate full of snacks that they made me leave on my desk when I was called into the layoff meeting. The whole place went under 9 months later.

      1. PhillyKate*

        OMG! At least I was able to get my stuff and got hugs from the bosses before I left. Jesus lord! Sorry you there there as well. As if routine layoffs aren’t hard enough…..on birthdays?! C’mon.

        1. KylieHR*

          Yeah, I’m pretty sure it even blindsided my boss. Because she was the one that initiated the party. I think the most humiliating part was the police escort. It was just way over the top. Happy birthday to me!

      2. Q*

        There is absolutely no reason why either one of these couldn’t have been done on the day before or the day after. What horrible people they were!

        1. KylieHR*

          Yeah, it wasn’t even the end of the week. This was a midweek layoff. Usually they do this kind of crap on a Friday. I really needed the cake after that blow.

    5. only acting normal*

      Exactly how awful did they think your other birthdays had been if that was the “happiest yet”?!

    1. Charlie Bradbury's Girlfriend*

      One. Sticker. Even me as a first grader would’ve been like, “That’s it? Just the one sticker?”

  79. Naptime Enthusiast*

    In college, I was announcing superlatives for our graduating seniors and just as I was finished and walked away, someone yelled “Wait, you forgot Marie!” Marie, my summer roommate and mentor and all-around fabulous person. I ran (very ungracefully) back to the DJ to grab the microphone and apologize profusely while announcing her superlative. It was along the lines of “Mom”, because she was so selfless and always looked after everyone and kept us in great spirits.

    I’m cringing at my desk as I remember this.

    1. Anonymous for this one!*

      By my senior year of college, I was in my own quiet way doing pretty well: high GPA, some leadership positions related to my major, etc. I was also dating someone who had a tangential major to mine (think Poli Sci and History) who decided to ask my department about taking my major’s capstone course just because he was interested in it.

      We were at a reception for something or other, and my department chair stopped to talk to us about how the three professors who taught the capstone had been sorting the students for next year. She told my boyfriend which section he’d been sorted into, then looked at me, the actual major, and said “…and we thought we’d just stick you in there too.” (It didn’t help that yes, that was the section I preferred, so there was no logistical reason to kick up a fuss about it.)

      I think about that moment every time the school asks for donations.

    2. ContentWrangler*

      I was a creative writing major in college and it was a fairly small major, a lot of workshop classes, so you got to know the other people fairly well. At our thesis presentations (which was a fairly big event, nearby families and 100s of students show up) it’s traditional for each reader to introduce the student reading after them – usually the intros are funny and reference their writing styles and topics. The girl introducing me happened to be someone who, somehow, I hadn’t had any classes with until thesis prep (which was a 2-month long workshop, so we weren’t strangers by thesis presentation). Her intro was basically “ContentWranger’s writing is interesting. It’s really improved a lot.” Bland, vague, and mildly insulting. It was definitely a bummer, considering how spot on all the other intros were.

  80. Stephanie*

    At a former job, I was the only administrative employee in a department of salespeople. There were three sales teams with supervisors and one manager (who was my direct supervisor). We regularly called the manager the “ice queen” because she was cold and harsh to everyone. (For example, if you tried to talk to her in the elevator, she would ignore you.) Even though many of the department and team emails sent out did not apply to my job duties, I was still copied on all of them. One email invited everyone to a fun team-building meeting. When I asked if I was supposed to attend, I was told that my attendance was required. When we all showed up to the meeting, they talked about how good our sales numbers were, and that we all deserved a reward. (This was totally unexpected, as employees didn’t regularly receive rewards.) Everyone was then separated into teams. I asked which team I should go with… none of the supervisors knew where I should go. Things got really awkward, so I said, “I guess I need to sit this one out?” I could see the guilt on their faces when they reluctantly agreed. I then stood and watched as they played a game, and were each given prizes and gift cards. I got NOTHING… and had to cheer and pretend to be excited that they were all being rewarded for jobs well done (that they couldn’t have done without my support work). No one ever apologized, gave me any award, or recognition. Being laid off from that job was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

  81. it_guy*

    At my current company one of the guys got a pair of socks on his 10th anniversary. I got an old (past sell by date) bag of Russel Stovers chocolates for my 3rd year anniversary.

  82. LSP*

    Within the first few months I was working at my current job, my 10 month old nephew died from leukemia. One co-worker gave me a card just from her, and a few people wrote nice emails, but there was no recognition from the company itself. I didn’t really think a thing of it, but since then I have noticed every other time someone in the company has had a family member pass away, the bereaved coworker gets flowers or an edible arrangement or something. I always caulked that up to me only having worked there for 3 months when my nephew died.

    However, when I was here almost 2 years, I was in a bad car accident for which my company did send me a nice edible arrangement. Less than a week later my grandmother died. My company knew, but sent nothing. No one even sent me a card or email for that one.

    I don’t think about it often, and obviously I’m not looking to get something off a loved-one’s death, but it still stings a bit every time I see a card from a coworker thanking the company for their thoughtful gift during their time of grief. I just think if the company is going to do something like that for one person, they should do it for all as a matter of practice, not just if someone happens to think of it.

    1. Manders*

      Yes, I think that’s the really tricky thing about this sort of recognition gift–it’s not really about what you’re getting, it’s about whether it’s consistent.

    2. Patty*

      This is a toughie and I empathize. When my stepmother died, my sister’s employer, my dad’s employer and her siblings’ employers all sent cards, flowers, etc. My then-employer did nothing and even gave me a hard time about needing some time off to be with family. It still boggles my mind and I don’t think I could have ever really let it go. It’s especially egregious when they’re giving recognition for your coworkers losses. I am so sorry.

    3. KayEss*

      I worked at a place where everyone got a daily email with (among other things) recent staff bereavements, complete with where to send flowers and charitable donations. When a young man in my department was seriously injured in an accident and his family was scrambling to fund care for him (so that maybe he’d be able to walk again), his manager made a request for his situation to be mentioned in the email.

      She was told that the messages, as a matter of policy, were only allowed to acknowledge dead people.

    4. ..Kat..*

      My coworker was in an accident on her way to work. Her car was totaled, but no one was hurt. I received a lot of pressure from another coworker to donate money for flowers for this coworker. Given that my brother was crushed to death in a car accident just before this (and no one said or did anything), I was not interested.

  83. Leni*

    I was working as a foster care case planner. Our boss was terrible – multiple people developed stress related medical issues. The work was hard – we worked with traumatized teenagers in residential care. The agency became concerned about turnover (it sounded like this agency https://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/im-annoyed-that-my-boss-asks-me-to-give-her-reminders-should-we-tell-our-boss-to-shut-our-company-down-and-more.html) and decided to have an event to increase morale. No one was happy because we were all drowning with paperwork and work so having to go to a lame lunch to hear lip service was not a plus, it was a minus.

    Our boss gave a long speech about how important and great our work was to our clients. They called up “dedicated social workers who went above and beyond in finding families for children.” They handed us….FIVE DOLLAR DUNKIN DONUTS GIFT CARDS. It would have been better to just give a certificate because at least we wouldn’t have been insulted at how cheap they were.

    1. Anon And Still Slightly Bitter*

      It’s horrible that I am not the only one this happened to. (My similar story is below)
      Seriously, going out and buying a hot coffee and bringing it to the office shows more gratitude.

    2. vociferous_girl*

      I am also a social worker and I feel your pain so much.

      I have no idea why we are so undervalued.

  84. Notthemomma*

    Two stories, same employer.
    First, everyone was messaging about what to do for ‘A’s’ birthday, cake, flowers, lunch, drinks, card; a big work celebration. We knew it was her birthday because it was on the birthday& anniversary calendar. Right next to mine which was the day of all the planning. The day which was my birthday. At 4:30ish someone must have noticed cuz a group came down with a box of gas station donuts.

    Second, when I was leaving and moving halfway across the country, there was a big team outing and the head of the division, great-grand boss, gave a glowing testimony to all I did for them, how he valued working with me, I would be missed, and consistently called my by the name of someone who had worked in another department, who was of another race, and who had left six months earlier. At least the personalized sweatshirt had my name and not hers.

  85. bookends*

    About a year and a half ago the non-profit I work for put on a convention. It wasn’t huge, but it was a lot of work coupled with all the normal work we do – I think I pulled a 70 hour week and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. The attendees got nice hoodies with the organization’s logo on them and there were some left over, so we were hoping that staff would get them as a reward for putting in the extra mile. After the convention, our director immediately snatched up the box of hoodies and locked them in her office. She’s rarely even in her office, so for all we know, they’re still sitting in the box.

  86. Elspeth McGillicuddy*

    My work recently bought pizza for my whole crew as recognition that we passed a milestone productivity marker.

    Little Caesar’s pizza.

    There wasn’t enough, even though we were restricted to two pieces. For a hungry, blue collar crowd. And it was enough weeks after we passed the milestone that we were all gossiping about whether we’d actually get our promised pizza.

    I definitely didn’t feel particularly valued.

    1. Seriously?*

      Can they not count? I don’t understand how you run out of pizza if people are restricted to two pieces.

    2. Q*

      Oldjob offered to buy us pizza for lunch if we worked through to meet a deadline. They ordered 3 large pizzas for 60 people. After the first few people discovered this fact and spread the word, every single person declined the pizza and took their full lunch hour. Deadlines were not meet that day.

    3. anon24*

      Oh, you do not restrict blue collar workers on pizza. Noooooo. That is how you start a mutiny.

  87. Okie Dokie*

    At a company I worked for on a huge project 3 people were accidentally left off the list for the ship gift. A very nice gift worth around $500 and unique made specifically for this event. All we got was a “sorry” we only made enough for the names on the list.

  88. CMFDF*

    Every man who became a father at my previous job would be thrown a party, we were supposed to bring diapers, gifts, celebrate it all. There was always cake, and usually a salad and pizza.

    But none of the women who were pregnant and gave birth during my time there ever got any celebration. I don’t think we *should* have gotten a party, necessarily, it was just weird that we did something for the men.

    When I had a baby, they did email me a “gift card” for $100 to our website. They emailed it to my work email (remember, I’m on FMLA, so NOT WORKING) and it expired 30 days later. I didn’t even see it until about a week before I came back to work – so 11 weeks after they sent it. I guess it’s the thought that counts?

    2. CMDRBNA*

      I wonder if they assumed all the women got baby showers from their friends outside of work?? But still, that is ridiculous. Better to do nothing for anyone at all!

  89. Lurker*

    I worked at a museum that gave all employees a free one-year membership…to the museum where we worked. Essentially the only thing that changed was that we then got all the mailings sent to our homes (thus costing the museum more money in postage and printing). As employees, we already received free admission, discounts on lectures and in the gift shop, could attend member openings, etc. I would have rather had the $75 (or whatever the cost of a membership was).

    That was a good 15+ years ago and I still remember how lame it seemed. I think TPTB may have realized it (or heard grumblings) because our memberships weren’t “renewed” the following year.

    1. ExcelJedi*

      I’ve worked at nonprofits where they automatically enrolled employees in things like this, mostly because of how they did fundraising. They were pretty sloppy and just made sure employees were on the same mailings as their members/donors.

      Not sure if it would extend to museum membership, but I could see some places having that reasoning.

      1. Lurker*

        This was definitely not that kind of situation. It was around the holidays and announced as a “holiday gift” type of thing. Prior to that we weren’t on the mailing list(s), and ended the following year. (As an aside, counting employees as members to inflate fundraising/membership numbers seems odd — I’ve worked for several museums and none of them did that.)

      2. kitryan*

        I know it’s a bit late to comment but this happened at the theater I worked at. We all got comp tickets to our shows but however you got your ticket, you had to give a contact phone. One of our crew (costume shop) gave the shop’s main number.
        One day I answered the phone and when I asked who was calling, they told me it was [theater name]. I was surprised at that and after a couple questions discovered it was a call trying to sell season tickets. To a current employee. Who received 2 free tickets to every show and saw most of them in dress rehearsal anyway.
        The telemarketing team worked *20 feet* down the hall from us. All our work phones have the same first 3 digits. I ended the call by explaining the utter futility of what they were trying to do.
        I also ended up getting the theater’s brochures in my mail and was on their email blasts. All a waste of resources, I was well aware of our season line up.

        1. kitryan*

          Oh, and more directly on topic, I’ve been at my office for 5 years, for 2 of them we’ve celebrated staff birthdays and mine has never been acknowledged. I console myself by deciding it’s just because I usually take a vacation that day.
          Much nicer were two occasions I felt *very *appreciated. One, I was taking a nice vacation after a tough year of work. My boss went to the higher ups and got the company to give me a $100 gift card so I could treat myself to a nice meal or some souvenirs on my trip, in recognition of my hard work.
          Second, I had minor back surgery about 3 months ago. The same supervisor – even though she was no longer my immediate boss, got the company to get me 4 wireless switches that you plug electronics or lights into and the basic Echo. So I could play music and turn the lights on and off without hurting myself after surgery. It’s one of the most thoughtful things anyone’s ever done for me. I also got several emails and a phone call from 4 different members of management checking on my recovery.
          Sometimes my workplace does things right.

  90. Ann O'Nemity*

    My company stopped recognizing birthdays all together because there were so many complaints about how unevenly it had been handled previously. Some people would get treated to a free lunch, balloons, flowers, cake, and gift. Others would get nothing. And everything in between. Now, people complain because there’s nothing.

  91. Patty*

    Can I share an opposite story- an employer who got it quite right. My husband works for a medium-sized non-profit and he and some co-workers had to pull very very long days (his shifts became 3 am – 5 pm, early in the morning because of the nature of the work) to tackle a problem that sadly had an emotionally tough outcome at the end of it all. They all worked so hard and there was so much heartbreak. Any of the employees who volunteered to for these overtime shifts received a handwritten note from the president expressing his thanks and two tickets to an NHL game in our city. It felt appropriate and like his efforts were seen and appreciated. This can be done right!!

  92. DCGirl*

    Two jobs ago, the company contracted with an outside vendor to provide a catalog from which employees celebrating employment anniversaries could select a gift. The catalog came pre-packaged in an envelope with a blank card/envelope which the supervisor was supposed to used to write a personal note to the employee along with a small pamphlet of instructions for the supervisor on how to acknowledge the anniversary during, for example, a regular team meeting.

    So, on my anniversary, I came back to my desk to find the the catalog plopped on my chair by my supervisor, with the Post-it from her to HR still on it on which my name was spelled wrong, and all the instructions and the blank/card envelope still inside. Yeah, I felt extra-super special that day.

    I was able to order myself a nice Brighton necklace and earring combo from the catalog, which I still wear.

  93. Anon And Still Slightly Bitter*

    When I worked for international major automobile manufacturer in 2011 I went over and above to help reach a huge and difficult target.
    They made a big deal of presenting me with an envelope as thanks. Inside was a $5 gift card to famous coffee place (the place where almost nothing costs $5).

    (Yeah, I’m still bitter.)

  94. McWhadden*

    This was before my time. But a co-worker of mine told me about how he had been in this department for about five years and never once had a meeting. (We still don’t have many meetings.) But right before he was getting married (literally like the Friday before his wedding) there was a department meeting scheduled. So, he assumed it was a surprise thing as a congratulations on the wedding. He got in and it was the first department meeting of his entire career. Not even an acknowledgement.

    He was usually the one to acknowledge people’s birthdays and life events so no one else was there to do it. (Again, it was before my time.) But it doubly sucked because he always did things for other people.

  95. Earthwalker*

    I was rather floored to get a commemorative coffee coaster for my hard work on Project X when all I’d done was to say at the project kick-off, “It’s not me you’re looking for. I’m a teapot tester. A person whose name is spelled very similarly is the coffeepot builder I think you want on your team.” And I never heard another word until I got a coaster. But then some years later I became a project manager and led a huge effort with a big reward event after. I failed to invite several key people because I hadn’t realized how much work several team members had quietly farmed out to their coworkers who were not even members of the project team. My direct team members didn’t mention the significant contributions from their coworkers until I’d already accidentally snubbed them. I felt awful. I realize now how easy it is to screw up recognition and be incredibly stupid and thankless.

  96. SpaceNovice*

    This one still makes me twitch years later: our company was bought be another. The new company had an All-Hands about this at some point, and happily stated everyone would get a gift at the end. The gift was a plaque stating their values for the year. Guess what’s the one thing that I left on my desk the day before I knew I was going to get laid off?

      1. SpaceNovice*

        And it did when combined with how they handled the merger! Key employees were told they would only get their severance if they stayed on to help transition systems. They didn’t, even though the severance pay was probably around $20k on top of a regular paycheck until the transition was complete. Everyone who was laid off immediately got severance pay, though. (Promised by our former CEO ahead of time so they couldn’t just lay us off without anything similarly to their yearly layoffs, I believe.)

  97. Amber Rose*

    My last company, the owner took everyone out for lunch to thank them for doing overtime and stuff and getting through a hectic period. Except me, because I had to answer the phones. I got nothing. The owner hated me and the feeling was mutual so I didn’t even care that much, but having to skip my own lunch was a little bitter.

    1. lisalee*

      Argh, the phones! This happens at my job all the time–there’ll be fun events like baby showers, goodbye parties, etc, but the same two employees are always stuck covering phones.

  98. Rusty Shackelford*

    Even celebrations based on work-related achievements can feel awfully unfair. A coworker at my level was recently recognized at an all-staff meeting for extra work he’d done on a special project. I did something very similar last year, but since my manager didn’t say anything about it, I didn’t get any recognition.

  99. Shellesbelles*

    Birthday this year – my boss has a birthday two days before mine. We went out for a fancy lunch, complete with oysters for his day. Mine was completely forgotten – for the second year in a row. When they finally realized that they had forgotten it, during a staff meeting, my other boss gave me a leftover cookie from her lunch as a consolation. They did nothing to make up for it. In fact, I got berated and yelled at for not reminding them sooner. It was in the office calendar that everyone has access to and it was on Facebook. I’m friends with both of them on Facebook.

  100. Apocalypse How*

    At my current job at a non-profit organization, the board member in charge of personnel was supposed to write thank-you notes and give $10 Target gift cards to each employee at December Holiday Time. (I assume the board had pooled their money together for the gift cards.) The board member ended up giving the cards to only half the employees. It couldn’t have been her forgetting new employees, because I got one and I had only been working there since Labor Day. And on top of that, the gift cards seemed to be different amounts–mine was $20 instead of $10. She quit the board soon after, so she must have mentally checked out by that point, but that’s no excuse to do a half-assed job.

  101. Leela*

    This is definitely a Japanism but when I was working there, it was common for foreign teachers leaving to be taken out for a big, multi-course dinner party. Right before one of the women working with me was going to go back to the US, it came out that a Japanese teacher, like ten years ago, had stolen money out of the school’s store. None of us knew this person, none of us had been there that long, it wasn’t even the same school, but our Board of Education informed us that not only would there be a party for her, but we were forbidden to have our own event for her because it would look like we weren’t taking the stealing seriously. We were even told we couldn’t go out to a bar and drink like any other Friday because it would look like we were partying and not being properly personally ashamed of a Japanese teacher at a different school doing something when none of us were there.

  102. Lynca*

    I’ve debated about posting this but guess I will bite the bullet.

    I got my pregnancy outed as part of an employee recognition ceremony. While I love my job… I didn’t love that particular moment.

  103. Katie*

    My friend had a job she hated for a lot of reasons- she has since quit. (She had all kinds of stories about that place, but that’s not the point of this post!) The company she worked for was quite old-fashioned. At the holiday party, they were recognizing two employees for 30 years of service. One was a man, one was a woman. The man got a trip for two to Hawaii. The woman got a diamond necklace. I hope she could sell it for the price of a trip for two to Hawaii.

    1. Leela*

      That’s really appalling, if they were going to consider two different rewards they really should have let the recipients choose instead of designating who should get what.

  104. Murphy*

    I worked really hard to help facilitate a big internal program. Evenings, weekends, etc. There was a big reception to brag about the program and the people who ended up being selected…my boss forgot to put me on the invite list. I found out ahead of time, and I’m sure it was an oversight, but still.

    My boss also won an award for this program from an international professional organization that I’m also a member of and was invited to attend their big conference to receive it. He didn’t even tell me about it. (My contributions were mostly just of large chunks of my time and certainly weren’t significant enough to warrant me getting an award, but it would be nice to know that something I put that much effort into was being recognized in such a way.)

    1. Megan*

      I had a similar thing happen. Consultant wrangling on a major deliverable that was part of their contract, wrangled the consultant daily for eight months, got berated by the boss monthly about where the deliverable was, wrote a solid quarter of the publication myself and edited the whole thing. Publication wins a local industry award. Boss and lead consultant go get honored. I don’t even hear about the awards ceremony until the day of, after boss has already left to get there. At least the product is good.

  105. In Todd We Trust*

    Many, many moon ago, I was working as a Salaried General Manager for a family who owned several fast-food restaurants. My pay at the time was well under $20K. We opened a new store the same week the owners left for a family vacation. I worked over 180 hours in that 2 week period and expected nothing because that’s what happens when you’re salary. The owner came back from vacation and told me how appreciated I was, important to the company, etc. They included an extra $100 on my paycheck. Wow a whole $1 an hour for all that extra work. I expected nothing, but that check was worse than nothing. I left a few months later.

  106. JustaTech*

    A while ago my company was owned by EvilCorp (not from Mr Robot) and EvilCorp decided they needed an employee recognition system. So they set up this thing “Eye on You” where your coworkers could nominate you to get a star. (The star looked exactly like the ones my 2nd grade teacher used to decorate the classroom.)
    Ten stars was worth a EvilCorp branded travel mug, 100 stars was free parking for a month (at headquarters, on the other side of the country) and some crazy number of stars was worth lunch with the CEO.
    The CEO who was currently under indictment.

    We laughed until we cried, because what else could you do?

    2. Grumpy*

      Is it wrong that prison lunch with the CEO kind of sounds fun? I would take a selfie.
      (Also, just wow.)

  107. MechanicalPencil*

    My department semi-recently rolled out a massive project, for which I did all of the teapot design. Fergus is a teapot manufacturer, who uses all of my designs, but he received all of the credit for my teapot designs and how good they look, etc.

  108. EvilQueenRegina*

    At Exjob, my coworker Cruella organised a bouquet of flowers for other coworker Maleficent for arranging these shared lunches for the team. She picked a bunch of Singapore orchids, but when they were delivered our other coworker Tiana noticed she looked unhappy and discreetly asked her why. Maleficent said that in the country she was born, that particular flower was classed as a weed. It was something Cruella had no reason to know,which Tiana tried to explain, but Maleficent couldn’t get past the perceived insult and kept insisting they were vermin. Next day, Maleficent had her husband send a bunch of tulips to the office, which she said to Tiana was “his way of showing them how they should treat his girl”. Since no one had explained to Cruella about the weeds, the dig went over her head.

    1. ContentWrangler*

      I just Googled Singapore orchids and those are the prettiest weeds I’ve ever seen.

      1. EvilQueenRegina*

        They really didn’t look like weeds at all. And my uncle is married to a woman from the same country where Maleficent was born, and a couple of years later I mentioned this story to her. She didn’t know what Maleficent was talking about and said they weren’t weeds. So I don’t know if it was just a regional thing or her own personal opinion perhaps more than them being commonly regarded as weeds. But whatever it was, it was something Cruella genuinely didn’t know and Maleficent was taking it more as a slight than was intended.

  109. a*

    I don’t want my birthday celebrated at work, and I have made that clear from the start. I take the day off, refuse to acknowledge that I have a birthday, etc. So, our (now retired) boss once ordered a coworker to bring in some sort of treat for my birthday (because we were all having interpersonal relations issues in my section and he thought that would make things better). We laugh about it now, but she was apparently quite irritated that she had to bring in treats for someone who didn’t want their birthday acknowledged and wouldn’t be there anyway.

  110. AnaEatsEverything*

    This is a little petty but it still really has an impact on me. TL;DR my team threw a baby shower for a coworker’s wife and ignored my pregnancy completely.

    At old job, I went through a pregnancy that was nine months of hell. I had all-day sickness so bad that I was barfing at my desk multiple times a day – there was just no way to make it to the bathroom on time. I felt awful about it but coworkers and boss were very sympathetic. Our engineer’s wife (who did not work for the company) was also pregnant, with a due date within two weeks of mine. A week or so before her due date, our office pooled a large sum of money to buy her a gift off of her baby registry, a really nice one. It was talked up at the office and there was a lot of excitement as we presented the gift to our engineer, who accepted it tearfully on his wife’s behalf. It was a very touching moment. A week or so later, she had a beautiful baby boy, the pictures were passed around the office.

    MY baby shower never came. In fact, I kind of got the impression that my whole office wanted to forget I was pregnant at all. Due date literally within two weeks of our coworker’s wife, and I got nothing – not even an acknowledgement that I was due any day. And when I got back to my office after FMLA, they weren’t interested in baby pictures or anything to do with her. This was my first and only child, I struggled through 9 months of pregnancy hell, and I WAS ON THEIR TEAM! I honestly don’t think HR cared about the exit interview at all, and it felt petty, but I brought it to their attention on my last day, and I legitimately almost cried. It just felt awful, like my whole team wanted to pretend like those nine months never happened. I’ll honestly never get over it, and it ended some outside-of-work friendships I hoped to maintain with my team.

  111. Beancounter in Texas*

    In my 20’s, I worked for a large international company in a small group (three people total) dealing with all of the regulatory requirements for merchandise. A state legislation came through for which we all did a huge amount of work on the project to ensure that 3,000+ products complied, particularly during the Christmas production season. We had put in a lot of blood, sweat and tears to complete the project in a timely manner.

    At the November unit meeting, where a few hundred of us gathered in an auditorium to hear what our vice president had to say, he acknowledged how hard my group had worked. He called down my two colleagues and as I anxiously awaited for my name, he continued to praise how hard these two people had worked. I had to choke back tears and after the meeting broke, I considered just heading straight home, I was so demoralized.

    I got back to my desk before anyone else and once my manager arrived, I decided to stay through the last two hours of the day. My manager must have known how it felt to be excluded, because he recognized me then, saying he knows how I hard I worked on the project too and that I should have been called up too. I couldn’t hold back the tears then (I’m getting teary eyed writing this!) and thanked him before running to the bathroom.

  112. fawst*

    My old job was located between two construction sites. The company I worked for owned the building and refused to sell it. For years us employees dealt with daily flooding in the basement, the overpowering smell of either mold or cleaning chemicals (company would not allow us to crack a window), migraine-inducing jackhammering, clouds of dust, and slowly mounting terror as we watched the brick walls around us slowly erode from constant vibration and water damage. After a year of this, we got donuts! From the construction company. The company I worked gave us lifts for our computers, told us none of this was a big deal and our complaints were disrupting productivity.

    I’m just now getting past the gaslighting and crafting my OSHA complaint.

  113. Lynn*

    I have a work group of 8 at the moment. My boss and I have the same birthday. This year it was a milestone birthday for me. Normally, we do a pizza lunch for birthdays. My secretary told me we’d do pizza the following day as my boss had a conflict on Monday. Fine. Except there was no pizza on Tuesday either. I didn’t want to rock the boat and sound selfish by complaining, but my coworkers felt bad and any of us would have been glad to make the arrangements, but she said it was taken care of. I ended up ordering pizza for everyone at my own cost for our next meeting because I wanted a group pizza lunch! We used to do birthday cards, too, but some people would get them every year and in 3 years I’ve never gotten one, so I think we’ve stopped because of hard feelings generated by the inconsistency.

  114. MasterOfBears*

    I work for a large nonprofit that went through some considerable upheaval a few years ago. Our funding organization demanded the dismissal of most of the original board for gross incompetence and dissolved the original management setup, and there was a point in time where no one was sure if a new managing entity was going to take over or if the entire project was going to go belly up. With a couple hundred people all not sure if they were still going to have jobs and jumping ship left and right, HR swung into action, by sending every regional office (consisting of 5-10 permanent staff and upwards of 20 seasonals) a “stress kit” the following:

    One (1) “Zen Meditation” CD, featuring soothing nature sounds and flute muisc
    One (1) plastic jump-rope
    One (1) Adult Coloring book, “inspired by the mystical patterns of Buddhist relaxation methods”
    Four (4) Roseart colored pencils. (Ours were brown, purple, and two slightly different shades of orange. Other offices reported similarly random assortments, including one box with four different shades of blue)
    and a package of something called “stress bands” which were kind of foamy stretchy things in a variety of bright colors and had no purpose that any of us could discern

    Perhaps not surprisingly, HR was one of the first things overhauled by the new managing organization

    1. Annie Moose*

      That sounds miserable (and makes me feel a lot better about OldJob, which, when we knew we were going to get laid off in six months, had little team meetings that boiled down to “please don’t get depressed and shoot up the office while you’re waiting for the axe to fall” featuring Inside Out characters, to help us handle our emotions about ALL OF US PROBABLY GETTING LAID OFF), but somehow the fact that they only sent four colored pencils–not even an entire box of colored pencils! Not even Crayola, but Roseart!–is hysterical to me.

      Like, please imagine someone in HR packing these boxes, with exactly the amount of care to insure each box had four colored pencils, but not enough care to give an assortment of colors. That is such an incredibly specific amount of concern. “Oh, the colors don’t matter–but be careful that nobody gets MORE THAN THEIR SHARE!!!”

      1. MasterOfBears*

        in some ways, it was actually incredibly good for morale, because instead of worrying about the future we spent an entire afternoon laughing at HR and trying to figure out what the stress bands were for.

  115. RaccoonLady*

    My dad has now worked for the same place since I was a baby, and is at a fairly high level in it. However, he’s never liked the anniversary gifts (he always says he’d just prefer a bonus)! I don’t remember what these commemorate but I know in the first 15 years he definitely got: a glass shark statue, one of those decorative mantelpiece clocks, and a stuffed panda bear wearing a T-shirt with the company logo. As a small child, I was very excited about the panda bear but I have no clue why it was given to a man in his 40s. Also the company my dad works for is a large medical research company so they aren’t even themed to the company?
    For the 20th anniversary I know they offered him a large flat screen tv, which is nice, but he turned it down as my parents already own enough TVs.
    His 25th anniversary will be in 2 years and we are all eagerly awaiting the offerings.

    2. only acting normal*

      My father got given a fancy looking clock once (I forget the exact occasion). He braced himself for some weight when accepting it, but when they handed it to him his arms went *up* – it was made of plastic, weighed almost nothing.

  116. ThursdaysGeek*

    I hit my 5 year anniversary last fall, and another co-worker had his a week or two before me. Our team* went out for lunch, and he was given a certificate and a check. We had a good time. (*I’m not part of this team, but I’m included since all of my team is elsewhere.)

    My 5 year came and went. I noticed in my pay stubs a bonus check (I didn’t notice that it wasn’t deposited in my account). Ah well, I got the money, right?

    Almost 3 months later, my boss called (he’s in another state), and was very apologetic – the 5 year anniversary paperwork was on his desk, it got buried and forgotten, and he was so sorry. He would send it out right away. I got the check 2 days after it expired, and it was a real check. I had not gotten the money.

    But, I’ve read AAM enough to know that the best thing to do is to talk to the person. I called my boss and explained about the check, and he made sure a replacement was sent out immediately, and to my home, so it wouldn’t get overlooked. The company adds enough to the bonus so when the taxes are taken out, it comes out to $75. And I did get a team lunch when I visited the other state where most of my team works.

  117. lisalee*

    Oooh, I have one that happened to a coworker of mine, and it’s more an everyday thing than a big gift event.

    My coworker works the front desk at our department. Every day she says hello to the director, whose office is right across from her desk. We only have about 25 employees, including student staff, so it really isn’t hard to know everyone.

    A year and a half after she started, the director finally asked her who she was.

    2. Environmental Gone Public Health Gone Back Environmental*

      I had that happen too! The security guard (LOL) in the main building at OldCrappyJob was right by the entrance, and I told him good morning [Name] at least 3 times a week for over a year when I walked in. OldCrappyJob was in a secondary building.

      I needed to get into main building for an 8AM meeting after over a year of working there, and he wouldn’t let me in the *public building* because he didn’t recognize me. Had not dyed my hair or cut it or anything. Plus, he wouldn’t accept my job-issued photo ID card. I had to get rescued by a coworker in a different dept.

      I may or may not have called him out on it later (after the meeting I almost missed) in front of a few other employees. He’s a security guard, for cripe’s sake!

      1. Murphy*

        Not a security guard, but I had a co-worker completely forget who I was. We’d both worked at a small nonprofit for a while. Different departments, but maybe 8 people in each department. You saw everybody that worked there every day. He started to volunteer at my second job (a different, smaller nonprofit). My boss said “Oh, you work at [first job]. You must know Murphy.” Nothing. Nope. Never heard of me. “Really? She wears glasses? Her hair is bright [unnatural color]??” I was like WTF dude?

        1. Environmental Gone Public Health Gone Back Environmental*

          Some people are just oblivious! But maybe he had face blindness?

    3. CMDRBNA*

      Hah! Once the CEO at my last Terrible Job got on the elevator with me and asked if I worked for the company.

      I had been there three years at that point. And we weren’t a large company.

      1. RJGM*

        My department has grown A LOT in the last year or so — like doubled — and our Director likes to joke that she’s afraid to ask someone in the elevator what department they’re in, in case they’re in hers! At least she doesn’t actually forget people once she’s met them (as far as I know…)

  118. AnotherJill*

    I worked at a university which was moving to an online system for student evaluations. They were rightly concerned about the response rate, since previously evaluations were done in the classroom in the last days of the term and now students were just directed to use a link to the online system in a window of time.

    After the first online evaluation period, every faculty member who had a response rate over a certain threshold received a gift. And so now I am the proud owner of a travel mug with a large 93% emblazoned on in the school colors. Every time I look at it I think “Yay! I’m 93%”.

    2. Elsajeni*

      I administer our online teaching evaluations and I am deeply tempted to suggest this.

  119. Nicki Name*

    One place where I worked had a catalog of recognition gifts you got to pick from for your 5-year, 10-year, etc. anniversaries. After a while this moved online. Then one day, a production-line worker approaching a significant anniversary discovered that by modifying the URL, he could look at the gifts offered to other companies… and also for other anniversaries at our company… and for other classes of workers at our company. Up until then they’d managed to hide that not everyone got the same list for the same anniversary!

      1. I'll come up with a clever name later.*

        Oops…this comment was meant for the thread above. Sorry. The reply I would have put for this story would be more along the lines of horrified outrage.

    3. SpaceNovice*

      I see that the catalog company went the Panera Bread route! (Their data breach exposed the information of app users in the same way; no authentication requirement.) The fact your coworker reverse engineered their URLs to that extent was seriously impressive.

      1. SpaceNovice*

        Also, I completely forgot to mention: W O W. That’s awful of your old workplace.

  120. Chaz*

    We had finished up a long system migration project. It had been more than a year in the making, and had been intense for several months. The core team of people working on it had put in tons of hours, and it had really consumed their lives for quite a while. I was the lead on it, and I asked the boss if we could take those key people out for a lunch. The answer was no, and the idea he went with instead was to have a workplace-wide townhall where everybody got expired almonds and gross discount ice cream, and everyone who worked on the project got printed certificates (except the people he forgot about).

  121. Professional Cat Herder*

    I had three close relatives pass away in 2015. The company sent me flowers for the first, who I was the least closest to, and then didn’t acknowledge the other two at all. That whole year was a mess, but that just felt like an extra slap on the face in addition to everything else that was going on.

    1. ladyclaire*

      I’m the person in the office who sends flowers and a card when someone has a loved one pass away.

      When my Mom died, no one thought to send flowers or a card. I guess they were all so used to me doing it that it simply didn’t cross anyone’s mind that someone ELSE needed to do it this time.

  122. Farrah Sahara*

    Years ago, I was working at a very large, global company and was about to have my 10-year service anniversary. When employees reached every 5 year milestone, they were allowed to go onto a website and pick out a gift that corresponded to that year’s anniversary. As you can guess, the gifts became better the longer you were there.

    I went to the website and selected my gift, a very nice bracelet that would have looked great on me. Imagine my surprise when 2 weeks before the anniversary date, I received an email with the following wording: “Dear Farrah, the employee recognition program has been disbanded due to recent cost cutting measures. Please accept our apologies and know that your service is appreciated. After all, the best gift is to be one of our employees and that’s something that can’t be put in a box!”

    As you can guess, I was pissed off and upset. During those 10 years, I had survived 20 different managers, several acquisitions and a major merger that resulted in layoffs of 2,000 people. And this was how I was “thanked”?

    Needless to say, I resigned 4 months later when I found a better job, one that really does stick by its promise to reward long time service!

    1. Clarice Fitzpatrick*

      Oh wow that’s ridiculous??? They should’ve honored to orders put in before the change and actually give an announcement. It would’ve still been a crappy change but at least done with, y’know, tact.

    4. Marthooh*

      I’m imagining an evil corporate overlord saying to a flunky: “The milestone gifts obviously have to go, but how can we best add insult to injury?”

      1. Farrah Sahara*

        It was so offensive! The 2 year salary freeze with no cost of living increase was bad enough, but it’s ok because I have the best gift money can’t buy: working here!

        I made sure to mention that during my exit interview, among other things.

    5. This Daydreamer*

      I’m sorry , but I just can’t stop laughing at how cartoonishly ridiculous that is. Sorry, you don’t get the nice thing we promised you, but hey you still get “the best gift”!

      I guess they didn’t realize that the real best gift was the new job they drove you to.

  123. Karliah*

    Former Boss was an insane micromanager who would approve your vacation time and then check the attendance log and get annoyed that you took that time off a few weeks or months later.

    He would then leave a note on your desk saying that you wouldn’t be getting paid THIS WEEK to make up for it.

    So basically this meant avoiding trying to take any amount of time off ever, but sometimes that couldn’t be helped.

    He gave everyone in the office a bonus check (much delayed) for working overtime over the winter. The next day I took a day off (planned in advance) to move back into my house after being displaced following a fire. He then sent me an email saying he had cancelled the check because I “wasn’t serious about work after receiving such a gift”.

    He later gave me back the (exact same, crossed out) check on my birthday several months later, saying, “You’ve been doing good lately.”

      1. Karliah*

        I should mention that I did end up getting that bonus check (it seemed to have been an accident, but I actually wouldn’t have put it past him to do it as an intentional slight, because who keeps a canceled check around and then pops it in an envelope months later to present on someone’s birthday?) , but the way he went about the presentation of it was very…. spiritually taxing.

        He was always going on about wage theft, timing people’s bathroom breaks, and leaving notes about wage theft on people’s desks if they were away from their desk for too long or if his spy software showed no activity on their computer for any number of legitimate reasons.

        We all escaped the house fire just fine (even all our pets) and we had insurance so we eventually were better off for it since the house was old and needed repairs but this just reminded me of something.

        He gave me three days off following the fire (much needed, dealing with insurance, pets, burns and smoke inhalation, salvaging what things we could and generally wandering around in a horrified daze), but much later that year, as he was studying his attendance log and grumbled to one of my coworkers that he thought I was out too much and was thinking of asking me to come in alone for a few Saturdays to “make those days up”.

    3. Dame Judi Brunch*

      That’s horrible!
      I’m stuck on the you’re not getting paid “this week” part, isn’t that illegal?

    4. Nanani*

      That’s… that’s not okay. Nor legal, I should think. You can’t withhold pay, managerdude.

    5. Marthooh*

      Geez.

      AAM sometimes makes me rethink my opinion of Ebenezer Scrooge. He only made Bob Cratchit come in early the day after Christmas.

  124. Crystal Smith*

    I accidentally laughed in someone’s face when an HR person proudly told me that, in addition to the service pins we get every 5 years, on your 25th anniversary at the company you receive…1 additional personal day, to be used on your birthday. (Our time off is already generous and I don’t think an extra personal day is a *bad* thing, but… after 25 YEARS we couldn’t spring for a cake or something?)

    1. Trout 'Waver*

      I would rather have one more personal day than a cake every single day for the rest of my life.

      1. Environmental Gone Public Health Gone Back Environmental*

        Agreed, as long as I don’t have to actually take it on my birthday, or if at least it’s moved to a corresponding Friday/Monday if your birthday falls on the weekend. Much rather have an extra day than cake.

  125. CAS*

    It was just before the holidays. My boss, who disliked me, evidently asked our office manager to buy gifts for all the staff. All the staff except me. The office manager felt uncomfortable with this request and did two things. First, she told our boss that she would not buy gifts for everyone and exclude me, and second, she told me about it. Apparently, our boss argued with her that I didn’t deserve a gift, and the office manager pushed back and said it would be horribly rude to exclude me that way. Our boss relented and told the office manager to buy me a gift, but it had to be substantially less than everyone else’s.

    Reasons why my boss would dislike me: 1) I revolutionized our file management system. 2) I never missed a deadline. 3) I was on call 24/7 every day, working days, nights, and weekends, and she didn’t have to pay me overtime. 4) I carried out every project I was assigned without fail. 5) I took on extra tasks and always went the extra mile. And she hated me. I was excluded from office happy hours, lunches, parties and travel opportunities.

    The office manager wanted me to know about the gifting in advance so I wouldn’t be surprised or upset. While I appreciated knowing that this was going on behind my back, it wasn’t as if I hadn’t picked up on the clues previously. For Christmas, I watched as my boss gifted my coworkers with elaborate gift baskets with wine, cheese, chocolate, gift certificates for spa services, and other fun things. I got a bottle of wine and kept my chin up.

    But the best gift of all came a week later when I landed a new job. I gave my two-weeks’ notice by calling my boss while she was on her big NYC holiday vacation. “How can you do this to me?” she wailed. Yeah, right, lady. The next best gift came a couple of months later when the office manager called to tell me that our boss hated my replacement and actually said she regretted the fact that I’d left. The office manager told her that’s what happens when you mistreat people. They leave!

    2. econobiker*

      Incredible that the boss would have hated on a direct report person performing so well unless your performance made her look bad in comparison.

  126. anathema*

    At company they are rolling out a team recognition program that will give gifts that will be taxed as cash on your paycheck and announcing it by giving everyone socks with the company name on them. Note – the gifts are things like insulated lunch bags, umbrellas, etc. – all with the company name on them. That I will have to pay taxes to receive, should I ever be ‘awarded’ one.

    1. Lady Russell's Turban*

      Assuming your gifts add up to less than $100 in a calendar year, they should be considered “de minimus” and not taxed. This should be done in your payroll office or some other place in the pipeline.

    3. JustaTech*

      I’ve heard that all gifts no matter how crummy or small have to be taxed as part of your paycheck. Presumably someone somewhere ruined it for the rest of us.

  127. aech*

    A similar birthday snub just happened to me last week. My boss (let’s call her Lainie) and I have the same birthday. I’m the newest person on the team, however this is the third birthday I’m celebrating with them.

    A co-worker (let’s call her Sarah) took it upon herself to send our whole team a calendar invite for a “mandatory meeting, details TBD” for the day of our birthday. No one seemed to know what the meeting was about and if you asked Sarah, she gave a very snippy reply that it was a secret. We get to work on the day of Lainie and my’s birthday and I see that Sarah has decorated Lainie’s office- I’m talking balloons, streamers, a sash for her to wear and a banner. Sarah did this all on her own without asking the whole office if we wanted to join in and plan something for our boss and of course took all the credit about how she had planned the surprise. This is so out of the norm for our office since everyone usually just gets a nice card signed by all 9 people in our department. I get to my cubicle and see the typical card, nothing like Lainie’s office decorations but I just let it go, since i already know Sarah was a suck up based on previous behaviors.

    We get to the mandatory mystery meeting a couple hours later and guess what? It’s a birthday party for my boss with an ice cream cake (saying happy birthday Lainie- no mention of my name) and we all have to sing happy birthday to the boss. I was left to sit there and awkwardly celebrate my boss on my own birthday. The kicker is that that morning, a few hours before the mandatory cake meeting, Sarah asked if I had any birthday plans, so she definitely knew it was my birthday as well. I have never felt so incredibly awkward and out of place.

  128. The Other Kevin*

    One time when working retail, I caught a prolific scammer in the act. I notified management and they took his information and called the police. He had been scamming our stores for a while and had gotten away with a lot of money, so we were very happy to see him stopped. Most of the management praised me for my diligence and then our HR person stopped by to drop off a reward. It was a $10 giftcard to the store…made out to another employee with the same first name as me. She never even realized her mistake. I sure felt like a valued and recognized member of team.

  129. Theotherallison*

    My old boss retired at the end of the year. This is my first post-college job (admin assistant), and she was a nightmare. I’d been at the office until 2 am more than once for her; she’d called me at 7 am on Saturday mornings for non-emergencies, and when my dad helped out (for free!) on a project, she insulted his weight at the big unveiling of the project! (the same unveiling where she left me out of the ribbon cutting to make room for herself, even though I had done ALL of the work for it, including probably 60 hours of unpaid overtime, unreimbursed trips, and manual laber in 2 weeks and got sick from the stress and lack of sleep.)

    I worked under her for almost two years, the longest she’d had any admin assistant last because she expected all of this from a position that pays less than 30k a year in an area where rent is 1k+ a month. She’d had assistants that had lasted less than a week (one person quit on their lunch break their first day) because they realized she was crazy and got the hell out of dodge. She would sometimes declare certain days where we had to wear certain things (“Thursday, let’s all wear polka dots to the staff meeting to show team togetherness!”), and made me cry once a quarter or so because she was just so ridiculous and demanding.

    Anyway, all of this to say, that in her last month, she tried to publically recognize her staff and colleagues many times… And somehow managed to leave me out of it. Every. Single. Time. Her other two staff and I threw her a retirement party. Very much her style; glitzy, fancy, we even made her a scrapbook. And then she read off a list of people she wanted to thank for throwing this party… and left the three of us off of it. She remembered to thank the caterer, but not the actual people who had organized, planned, set up, and hosted. At the same party, she tried to poke fun of herself for her abysmal Admin Assistant record and read off a list of all of her AAs… and left me off of it! When our quarterly magazine was published right after this, I realized my name had been left off of the list of staff, and when I asked her about it, she told me it was on purpose and showed me that my name was omitted from every other magazine too (I’d never bothered to check before). Finally, although I approached her about a raise twice, and she promised to bring it to our VP, she never did, and so I didn’t get it. But I just found out last week that my coworker received a 10k raise the same month at her suggestion (we only get raises once a year, in December, and since my boss didn’t propose it in time, they “can’t do anything until December 2018”).

    … I wasn’t sorry to see the back of her.

    1. Julia*

      Sometimes I wonder why there seems to be a punishment for being a good employee. I’m sorry you went through that. :(

    2. econobiker*

      It makes me think that she was using you as a “hidden asset” the whole two years time to make herself look better for all of the output you did in her name.

  130. Tau*

    Minor compared to the rest, really, but at the previous place I worked, there was a mention in the department newsletter when one of our projects hit a major milestone which thanked every one of the people who’d worked on it by name…

    Well. Almost.

    Included in the thanks were several people who were on it part-time (dividing their time between it and other projects), including one guy who’d literally just been brought on the week before and was still being trained.

    Not included were me and the other developer who’d been working on nothing else for over a year. What exactly it was we did all day became a running joke among the dev team.

    There was a bunch of similar nonsense at that place – we also didn’t get birthday cards, for instance. I’m pretty sure it was a combination of a tech/management divide (our CTO, oy vey) and the fact that most of the dev team were contractors from another company. I used to call myself an interchangeable programming robot and although I was kind of joking I also kind of wasn’t in terms of how it felt management viewed us. Silver linings, it was easier to shrug off since it felt less personal and wasn’t happening only to you.

    1. Tau*

      To clarify: we didn’t get birthday cards but other employees did, and one of our managers got a full-on presentation with a birthday gift. I hadn’t realised how much I’d internalised that treatment until I found myself
      internally grumbling when I was signing a birthday card at current!job for someone whose birthday was the same day as mine, then utterly surprised when my coworkers ambushed me with a card and gift of my own. I’d just assumed that he’d get one and I wouldn’t.

  131. Gruntish*

    So, it’s not really a “gift” type situation, but in college I worked in a food service place for three years that was mostly staffed by fellow students. There were student managers and general managers. Student managers usually controlled which students got promoted from Grunt to Lead Grunt, but occasionally the general managers stepped in and appointed a Lead Grunt of their own. When I was hired, the student managers promoted Lead Grunts based on merit; by the time I left, and the student management team had 100% changed due to graduation, Lead Grunts were appointed based on how much student managers ass you kissed. I received very little respect as a Grunt, except from the fellow Grunts in the area I worked in; as soon as someone became a Lead Grunt, all respect for me disappeared. I wasn’t made a Lead Grunt until the general managers decided it should happen. As soon as I was made a Lead Grunt, all of the very little respect I’d scraped together from the student managers disappeared, and they were openly disdainful of my promotion. I quit two months after being made a Lead Grunt because I was given no respect and treated like dirt. Don’t treat people badly just because you didn’t personally want to promote them and they didn’t kiss your ass.

  132. Anon Today*

    This happened not very long ago. Our department had been working extra-hard, having been short-staffed for several months and then we had a promo goal to make with some of us simultaneously training new staff. We landed in our promo goal zone too, which was great. But some of us were very tired! Our department head and new supervisor wanted to do something fun for us to celebrate everyone’s hard work and making our goal. Our celebration ended up being an after-work staff meeting (so everyone could attend!), and for fun they made it a potluck. So we got to go back to work/stay late, and have a staff meeting that we got to cater ourselves.

    My favorite coworker gave her notice the next day.

  133. Dankar*

    I get that the worst part about these snubs is feeling left out or underappreciated, and I totally get that. But can we please stop celebrating birthdays (anyone’s birthdays!) in the office? It is such a waste of time that I could spend spend getting work done and out of the office earlier. I don’t think there’s anyone who wants to celebrate with their coworkers rather than their friends.

    My coworker and I are both super-opposed to birthday stuff. We’ve gotten away with keeping ours secret so far!

    1. beanie beans*

      I like celebrating birthdays, but I don’t think work is a great place for it. There’s too many opportunities to accidentally miss someone (like many of the stories today!).

      We take the approach that the only way to be fair is to give everyone the absolute minimum recognition. At our monthly meetings we sing happy birthday to everyone who has a birthday that month. I’d rather not acknowledge birthdays at all.

    2. Who the eff is Hank?*

      I specifically scheduled my vacation this year during the week of my birthday so that my coworkers wouldn’t decorate my desk. Their hearts are in the right place but I don’t like all the fanfare. I’ll take the treats, though. :)

    3. aNon*

      I wouldn’t get to leave early just because we didn’t celebrate. I’d rather have the free cake and a break in the afternoon since I’m still expected to stay here regardless of work load. Birthdays celebrations aren’t mandatory though so I can see your point if they make it mandatory even when you need to be doing something else.

    4. MrsCHX*

      I like the idea of a monthly celebration…no names mentioned…just “bday cake on the first Friday of the month” for anyone who has a birthday. That’s how it’s been handled at most of my prior orgs.

      Current job, people bring in treats for their own birthday if they wish.

      About 15 years ago I worked for a pretty big company. Our department head would buy treats for the group (which was decently sized at about 25 people) for every birthday. You choose your treat.

      New girl starts. SUPER high maintenance type. When her bday rolled around she wanted cheesecake from Biaggi’s. They did offer whole cheesecakes so it was whatever the cost was times 25. So well over $100. Most of us got donuts or a sheet cake…there were a few Baker’s Square pies over the years. She got $6/7 a slice cheesecake. That was the last year of that.

      People suck. LOL!

  134. anonasaurus*

    I got an internal promotion after doing the job as an interim on and off for 2 years. The person I replaced had worked a lower level position, left and come back as Director. She got a press release/public announcements for both hires.
    I was *not allowed* to tell people I had accepted the promotion for 3 months. The hiring committee wasn’t even notified. No public announcement. Eventually, select internal stakeholders were sent an email.

    I was promised my past position would be quickly posted. A year later and I’m still trying to get it approved. So much time has passed its now being treated as a newly created position instead of a replacement (which requires more scrutiny). Yes, I am job searching.

  135. MsMaryMary*

    For my five year anniversary at OldJob, my manager threw a small celebration for me. I got a certificate, he made a very nice speech, there was cake. It was lovely.

    The Fail portion of the celebration involved the cake. My manager got the cake from a grocery store and forgot to ask them to write “Happy 5 Year Anniversary, Mary!” on it. So he just picked up a tube of icing while at the store. How hard could it be to write on a cake?

    So, I ended up with a cake that looked like a kindergartener had tried to write on it. Letters of various size and some definite spacing issues. I thought it was hilarious, and we gave him a hard time for weeks about his cake decorating skills.

  136. saffytaffy*

    When I won a Star Teacher award, I was given an opened-and-retaped-shut box of wineglasses. I don’t drink.

    1. SoCalHR*

      That reminds me – when I was in first grade I won a writing competition – the prize was an ABC book…pretty sure I had to know my ABCs to win a *writing* competition. I donated the prize to my teacher’s classroom.

      1. saffytaffy*

        SoCalHR, that happened to me once, too! I won an art competition using my home-purchased art supplies, and the prize was a set of really cheap, chalky, hard-as-a-rock watercolors.
        Ahh, public school.

  137. jotpe*

    I worked at one point for a non-profit that had a fairly large retail shop, on the retail staff. About four or five times a year there would be employee appreciation things that the retail staff were functionally or overtly left out of. Like, the back offices would have a half day so “everyone” could spend the afternoon at a riverfront bar… but of course the shop wasn’t closed. Or lunch would be catered in the back office but since we had 30-minute lunch breaks at 15-minute intervals only a couple of lucky retail employees would get any (and we clearly weren’t included in estimates since there was never anything left over). Plus if you were lucky enough to be on lunch break when a catered lunch was happening and went through the line in your retail uniform you could bet at least one Director would ask you if you were on break in a really suspicious way. Once we even had a follow up email to clarify that retail staff was not allowed to leave the sales floor for the purpose of having a piece of the free cake for the big anniversary celebration.

    The thing was, this could have been ok. They could have done different things for retail employee appreciation (gift cards? donuts?) but instead we just had periodic reminders that we didn’t really count as appreciated employees. We had one manager while I was there who would make sure that we got the free paperweight or whatever or would order pizza for people working during a party, but when other managers were in charge… nada.

  138. Anon in Midwest*

    Less a recognition fail and more just timing not working out to my advantage. I’ve worked at the same place for 9 years. We didn’t receive recognition rewards until 10 years and then it was $100 and an extra PTO day. One of my co-workers hit her 10 year in October 2016, received her recognition, and then we were promptly purchased by another company at the end of the month. They do anniversary recognitions for employees at their annual picnic in September. It’s some kind of company branded merchandise for 1 year (last year was what looked like a pretty decent backpack) then for every five years you receive $10 times your years of service (so $50 for 5 years, $100 for 10 years, $150 for 15 years, etc.). Since 10 year co-worker’s anniversary fell after the previous year’s picnic, she also received the $100 from the new company on top of the recognition she received 11 years prior. Meanwhile, I had been in the same job for 8 years at that point and got nothing. I’m actually hoping to be gone if not by my 10 year anniversary then certainly by the September 2019 picnic. Oh well.

  139. Ingalls*

    I received a gift card for “sales recognition” to a restaurant chain that didn’t have any restaurants in my state . Then I was taxed on the amount of the gift card on my next paycheck.

  140. PuppiesKittensIceCream*

    As the admin for a group of 40 account people, I get overlooked A LOT. Some examples:
    -This past Dec I planned the company holiday party. Apparently, people in my group had an after party that I was not invited to. I only found out when I overheard them talking about it.
    -Every new employee gets taken out to lunch by their manager when they first join and also get assigned a “buddy” who takes them out to lunch as well as for regular coffee dates. Not me!
    -My boss is the head of our group, and he is super nice and every holiday season gets me a card and a nice thoughtful gift, which means a lot to me. However, I also support other senior execs at my company, some as favors after they move to other departments that do not have an admin, so my continuing to provide admin support to them is a huge favor to them. They do not even give me a card for the holidays, even though they give cards to their account teams and take them out for group lunches.
    -All of the account people get cupcakes and a card signed by everyone for their birthdays. My birthday hasn’t been acknowledged so far.
    -One person who I worked closely with and thought I had a nice office friendship with, gave a card to every single person she worked with when she left the company, except for me.
    *there’s probably more examples but I’ll stop here. Besides this I do like the company and the culture but these things of course bother me and make me feel like I’m not as valued as other employees.

    1. Kj*

      The after party thing is so middle school. The smae thing happened to me in 8th grade. I can’t believe it happens with adults. Well, I can, but it is annoying. At least in 8th grade, it came out that the class popular/mean girl had ‘fogotten’ to give me an invite to the after graduation party she was hosting when her mom asked me if I was coming and I was utterly confused and hurt. Mean girl’s mom was not mean and despised bullying, so I suspect my bully got in trouble over that.

  141. Kj*

    When I left my last job, my team wanted to throw me a party. On a day I didn’t usually work. When I said I’d prefer not to come in, they insisted. Then my supervisor didn’t bother to show up and the second in command said one thing, very nuetral, about me and tried to move on to other subjects. It took the unit doc (who actually liked me) to ask me where I was going and to say at least one nice thing. I cried when I left, as it was clear they wanted to say they had done something, but didn’t care to try very hard. Everyone who had left in the past got a card and an actual party and people said nice things (and they didn’t have to come in on their day off). And, for the kicker, I was the employee who held some complex cases together at work- since I left, a lot as fallen through the cracks apparently. And they emailed me trying to get me to come in and help. I ignored them.
    Another team, not mine, got me a gift and a card because I worked closely with them and they liked me. It made me cry in a good way.

  142. LV*

    At my last job, the manager would always do something for her employees’ birthdays – either lunch at a restaurant for the whole team or ordering takeout. Except for me and one other employee. The first year I was there I thought, “Oh, she just doesn’t know when my birthday is!” The following year, during a restaurant lunch for a coworker, our boss asked whose birthday was coming up next. I said “My birthday is exactly a week from today!” and figured she would remember and do something for me too. Nope. The entire time I got there, I didn’t even get a card or even so much as someone taking the time to say “Happy birthday” to me.

    At my current job, when I got a birthday card, I almost cried.

  143. beanie beans*

    Years ago I got the equivalent of an Employee of the Month award. The certificate spelled my name wrong, and in the notes it said “she is accurate in her work, which results in less work for others.” Accuracy being such a valued skill around here.

    I had to pull out the certificate to look up the wording. Man I need to get out of this job.

  144. Environmental Gone Public Health Gone Back Environmental*

    Hubs was told at his last yearly performance review at which he was rated excellent in all areas that it wasn’t fair to the rest of the employees (not in his level or department) to be paid less than him, so he wasn’t going to get a full raise, only 1% (standard in the company every year is about 3%, and profit margins were significantly up in his company). Hubs wasn’t really that upset or irritated with the raise or review until his boss gave that reasoning. “Hey, you’re doing a great job!! We love you!! But someone below you in years of experience, degree, general responsibilities, etc is making less than you, so we can’t give you more moneys.”

    The Christmas before last he was given a significantly out of date box of chocolates by his boss, and last Christmas I think he got a random snack size thing of M&Ms?

    Same boss also seems to have really low opinions on women, since he recently asked Hubs what I did & what I made (why a salary question was included, who knows) and was incredibly shocked that 1) I work in STEM and 2) make more than Hubs does. Then at a work event decided to regale me with incredibly inaccurate and argumentative stories about how global warming doesn’t exist and ask me to identify random trees since I’m an *environmental person, right*?

    1. bopper*

      This is where you say “Thank you for letting me know how much you value me” and then start looking for another job

      1. Environmental Gone Public Health Gone Back Environmental*

        Well, he did get to turn in his notice shortly after, since the Navy offered him a spot as a pilot. Boss had been made aware some time before that that Hubs was considering, but it was iffy due to all the requirements, etc etc.

        But Boss had been somewhat like this previously with comments on Hub’s salary. For one, it’s well within the normal range, for two, not his fault if no one else negotiated! Hubs had been considering coming back if the Navy didn’t work out, but now he’s gone for good no matter what.

  145. Catabodua*

    For milestone anniversaries the place I work allows you to purchase gifts out of a catalog. Almost every gift had the company name / logo etched or printed on it. So there are some really nice items, ruined by having the company name on them.

      1. Catabodua*

        Ha! They have this really nice, large, heavy lead crystal bowl for the 10 year mark. So they kind of bowl you’d see on a kitchen counter filled with fruit in magazines where you’re supposed to want your kitchen to look like them…. and one whole side is etched with the colored logo. I suppose you might be able to turn that side to face a wall, but its so silly to even have to do that.

  146. Corporate Employee*

    For my 5 year anniversary I got the standard corporate plaque, which I expected and I am happy to receive. It’s two pieces of plexiglass sandwiched together with a hollowed spot in the center that holds the certificate. Mine arrived in a fancy box but when I opened it the certificate was comically askew. I can’t even fix it because it’s sandwiched permanently in between the plexiglass pieces.

  147. Midlife Job Crisis*

    My name forgotten on the company’s holiday card two years in a row. (Been working there for 10.)

  148. maria*

    I worked at a company for about 3 years. It was a small family-owned company with a lot of turnover, and I was frankly an excellent employee, put in tons of overyime, always taking on new assignments and mentoring new staff (who usually lasted a matter of months). I put up with a lot and ultimately gave a month’s notice rather than change roles when they were shutting down my dept- of which I was the last one standing. My last day came and I didn’t get taken out to lunch, drinks, or anything. The only acknowledgement was from this very shy young colleague who knew I liked to cook and got me a cookbook and a card – for which I’m sure she paid out of pocket. I was so touched that I almost cried.

  149. Hard Boiled*

    I once worked for a non-profit where the Christmas gift was branded umbrellas. This would normally have been fine. Nobody’s expecting something lavish at a non-profit. Only, for some reason they decided to get the men pretty nice umbrellas and the women flimsy, clear plastic ones that smelled horrible and broke almost immediately. They were laid out on two separate tables, and the organizer would correct someone if they went for the “wrong” umbrellas for their gender.

    It was a majority-female organization (including the person who organized the gifts), so I imagine it wasn’t an intentional slight, but we ladies with the crappy umbrellas felt pretty bummed. The men seemed uncomfortable too–one insisted he liked the terrible plastic one better and got a woman to switch with him.

    1. Nanani*

      Treating people differently based on gender is the very definition of sexism. It doesn’t matter that a woman did it, and it doesn’t matter what their reasoning was. It’s still sexist and shitty.

  150. awkula*

    A former boss and I just happened to dislike each other personally. She reminded me of my mother, and I must have reminded her of someone she disliked too. She hardly spoke to me most of the year, but right before performance reviews she would dig through my recent work, find an error, and during the review tell me how big a raise she was permitted to give me, but because of the mistake here was the significantly lower amount I was getting instead. I worked there for nearly ten years and never cracked $20,000. She eventually retired, but I had to leave because I couldn’t afford to work there.

  151. Hard Boiled*

    Suggestion for a future thread: I’d love to hear what some of the best, most touching recognition people have received is. Obviously praise and a raise top the list, but since some occasions or circumstances call for something more symbolic, it would be great to gather some ideas.

    2. Lynn*

      Not a big thing, but our office does these monthly “shout outs” – you do something above and beyond, someone passes it up to management, and you get recognized at our staff meeting. When they started, you were given a candy bar for an award. No big deal since it was meant as just a little recognition for small achievements. I received an “award” a two months in a row when they started, but had to keep turning down the candy bars because of my allergies. By the third month, it was a choice of a candy bar or a sparkly pen. It was kinda touching that they added options so that me (and others!) could have an award even if we couldn’t have the candy.

    3. Akcipitrokulo*

      Manager at trade show picked up TWO marketing toy yoyos… because he knew I had two boys.

  152. Radio Girl*

    The newspaper I worked for started an employee-of-the-week effort to boost morale. The effort was run by the ad manager and his assistant, with whom he was having an affair (unbeknownst to his wife, but suspected by his coworkers).

    Employees were chosen either randomly, or chosen to annoy those not chosen. Needless to say, morale was not boosted but instead plummeted.

    When I asked how employees were chosen, the ad manager and his girlfriend became very angry. I was interviewing for other jobs at this time, as were several of my colleagues. I dropped the issue.

  153. Kelsi*

    So, my agency does recognition of anniversaries (multiples of five years) at the closest all staff meeting to your hire date. The CEO says a little something, you get a gift depending on how many years (usually something small like a gift card), you get a hug from the CEO if you’re so inclined. (We’re a huggy culture)

    The first time my 5-year anniversary passed unmarked, I didn’t think much of it; I had been part time for the first few years, so I assumed that the clock didn’t start until I was full-time.

    When my 5-year full time anniversary came around, it was like a movie. The CEO made a speech that went something like this: “This next person has been with us five years now, and in that time, they’ve completely changed the face of [My Department]. They’ve built a lot of programs and processes from scratch, and they’re the friendly phone voice that all of our [My Department] customers know. I’m really not sure what [Agency] would look like without them!”

    Now, I say without bragging: this was all completely accurate about my position at the time, but I wasn’t used to getting recognized for it since it was technically an entry-level position. My best friend who worked in the same department was smiling at me, I was all ready to go up and get my hug….

    Of course, you’ve all guessed they weren’t talking about me. And, in fact, I never did get my five year recognition. When I talked to HR about it, turns out my hire date WAS listed as the part-time one…and for whatever reason, it just got missed. The next meeting, the CEO mentioned me in the anniversaries–the speech was something like “I’m so sorry, we’re not sure how this person got missed previously! They’ve been here for…well, longer than five years.”

    Ouch.

  154. I Hated That Company....Still Do!*

    At OldJob, they played favorites and didn’t care if you noticed it.

    My department had a routine for birthdays. The person whose birthday it was would get their desk decorated, a card and cake, and a coupon for a free lunch from the cafeteria (woo hoo, it’s not like the food was especially good but….). I was looking forward to my birthday….I don’t have any really good friends who would celebrate with me so the work celebration was the only celebration I would get on my birthday.

    Well, when I got to work, it was not hard to contain my surprise. There was absolutely no sign that it was my birthday…no decorated desk, no card, no cake and no coupon. Feeling slighted, I went to HR (this is an international company with offices all over the world) and asked if I had missed something. I was told birthday celebrations are up to each individual department head and it was just too bad that my department head didn’t think highly enough of me to celebrate my birthday. I expressed my opinion that they should either do it for everyone or do it for no one and got written up for expressing that opinion.

    When I left that job, I went scorched earth on them. I think they are still trying to clean up all the compliance issues the SEC found. :)

  155. joriley*

    One of my former coworkers hit her 15 year anniversary with our company. In addition to her 15-year gift, she went to a lunch where they celebrated everyone hitting milestones around then. They gave a second gift to everyone at the lunch, whether they’d been there for 5 years or 50: a car toolkit. As in, one specifically designed to help you fix your car. It was so inexplicable because we’re in a major city and they’re always encouraging us to take public transportation, carpool, etc. Parking has a years-long waitlist. My coworker didn’t even have a driver’s license!

  156. Lily in NYC*

    We all got a gift for our company’s 50th anniversary two years ago. It was an ugly wood box with our company name and logo burned/carved into the wood. It had a typo in it and no one noticed until after they were given out. Still a better gift than the keychain with the incorrect logo I was given on my 10-year work anniversary.

  157. Anon-State-Employee*

    Our salary increases are based on merit, with BigBoss having some discretionary money for people who get rated above a certain level.

    This means if someone had a stellar year they get an extra $1,000 or $1,500 per year — every year for as long as they’re here. It also means if your boss doesn’t like you or is bigoted or just a jerk, you get less money than you should every year for the rest of the time you’re here.

    This is supposed to motivate us to work harder. It doesn’t. It motivates us to suck up to the boss and to be passive-aggressive in our relationships with coworkers. Sure, I could tell my coworker about a grant opportunity I’ve heard about, but then what if she gets the grant and gets an extra $1,000 out of the pot of money Grandboss has available to spread around? For that matter, what motive does any supervisor have to give a high performance rating when it would mean less $$$ for themselves?

    I’d rather have a certificate and a stuffed bear and remove the tie between sucking up and getting richer.

    1. Q*

      I used to be in a situation like this. Boss had $10,000 to allocate in bonuses between 7 people. The year I got $500 I knew I’d been screwed. The year I got $2000 I knew others had been screwed. We all did the same caliber work. He should have just split it evenly.

      2. only acting normal*

        One year old job had a budget for payrises of 2% of the paybill. They gave 1% as standard and 2% for good work… I actually asked the boss where the remainder went: unsurprisingly I didn’t get a straight answer.

  158. Likeraccoons*

    My work can be uneven with gifts, sometimes they’re great. Usually for clearly defined anniversaries they do well. Ad hoc “thank yous” can be good or bad. The worst was rolled out as a thank you, it was a white athletic shirt with company logo, and a tote bag. They would have been better gifts if the roll out didn’t include how important it world be for us to use them to increase advertising. Also, the first group activity they wanted us to wear the white shirts for was the ice bucket challenge to post on our work Facebook page. Nope, sorry, no white shirt contest for me!

    1. CBE*

      Yeah, our hospital does that kind of thing, too. “Here’s an employee appreciation gift! It features our new slogan that will be all over ads/billboards/etc for the next few months. Everyone needs to wear it wherever you are this weekend when our new ad campaign launches!”
      I don’t feel appreciated by shapeless baggy mens tshirts that turn me into a walking billboard for the hospital. Every single one I’ve gotten have gone straight to a thrift store unworn.
      If you want me to feel appreciated, do something that benefits me, not the company.

  159. Shrunken Hippo*

    I worked at a small family run company that had a store front one summer. All of use who dealt with customers were told that any tips we got had to be pooled and that the money would be used to take us out for a nice lunch at the end of the summer season to thank us for our hard work. We all thought that was a great idea because the company regularly had employee appreciation lunches that retail workers couldn’t participate in because we had to be in the store, so having our own lunch one day with people to cover for us sounded amazing. Then it came to my last day of my 90 day probationary period which was also around the time the summer rush was slowing down. A bunch of people from the company office came downstairs to retail to cover for me and the coworkers who were coming in soon. I was excited and thought that since it was almost lunch time we must be getting ready to head out, what a nice surprise! Nope. When I went up to the office I was told to sit down and my managers told me that I was being let go immediately. What made it worse was they hadn’t told anyone in the office what was going on so most of them also thought that they were covering so retail could go have some fun. I had to walk through the crowd of them asking me if I was excited and try not to cry as I explained I had to go home, thanks for covering, and I hoped they had a good rest of their day. My other coworkers arrived just as I was leaving and they were asked to come up to see the manager right away. So we weren’t allowed to keep our own tips and we never got to enjoy a lunch with that money. But don’t worry I hear the owner’s sons who worked a couple hours each week in retail enjoyed their treat.

    It’s been two years and I’m not even close to being over this. The job was fun and my coworkers were great but upper management sucked. Also I don’t blame my manager because she only came into the position during my last week and she looked very uncomfortable during the entire process. It was just crappy all around and now I am extremely hesitant to ever work for a locally owned business ever again (well there was another horror story but that’s for another day).

  160. Where's My Coffee?*

    I don’t like celebrating birthdays, weddings, babies at work. When I was young and broke, it really stressed me out feeling I had to kick in for this stuff. I feel like showers and such should be on your own time. I do privately buy a personal gift from me to my direct reports in those situations, and I try to keep it equitable.

    On the other hand, I do believe in recognizing extraordinary work–financially when budget allows, and through things like praise, time off, written recognition, etc when budget doesn’t allow. Work anniversaries are handled through a corporate program that is ok-ish.

  161. AK*

    We’ve had a few. A few that come to mind-

    1. During a busy quarter, anyone who reached their stretch goal was entered into a raffle for $100 gift cards. Ok in theory, but our team’s assignments are preset so there’s not much opportunity to do more if you’re not already regularly reaching that goal because you’re not being assigned the same type/amount of work. And it sucked for the ones who were already pulling more than their weight because it was a one time offer, so there was no incentive for future raffles or anything
    2. This was the worst one, we were coming up to a milestone project and were told that whoever managed that project would get a significant bonus, I can’t remember the amount. Could be an interesting incentive, but as I mentioned above we have minimal control over our assignments. The milestone project would have just been assigned like any other, so the idea was pretty demoralizing to those who didn’t get on it for no real reason.

  162. Harper the Other One*

    My first job out of college was in a retail specialty store. Probably 99% of their employees were on commission, because the owner was old-school sales and didn’t think people would sell if they didn’t have a stake. I primarily did rental contracts so I didn’t get commission, but you did get a little $3-8 incentive if you filled out rental contracts properly (since it avoided problems down the road with collecting on the contract, and in all honesty, the made buckets of money on the rentals.) They also had a “Christmas bonus” for everyone of about $100 for the first few years I was there – nothing crazy, but still nice, you know?

    Then the fourth year I was there they said that people on commission wouldn’t get a Christmas bonus any more because the commissions from pre-Christmas sales were essentially your bonus. A little bit terrible, but okay. But I wasn’t on commission, so I still figured I’d get it. Nope, the day they were distributed I got a little baggie containing one chocolate chip cookie, one tiny Rice Krispie treat, and four Hershey’s kisses, and a note that ANY incentive beyond your base hourly pay counted as commission, and the contract incentive counted, so even though I made no extra money in the Christmas season, I wasn’t eligible.

    Six months later they announced the company had been sold to a larger chain. We later learned through one of the folks at head office that there was a clause in the purchase that if the company’s profits were over a certain amount in December, the owners got an extra amount for the sale. If they had paid out the bonuses as usual, they would have been just under, so the owners decided not to give Christmas bonuses to their workers so they could squeeze a teeny bit more out of a multi-million dollar sale.

  163. Skinny Legs McGee*

    A colleague at my former job had taken on an intense interim leadership position. It was a high-pressure, largely thankless role, and this person was asked to tackle far more than was fair and realistic. When the interim position, which lasted about three times longer than was initially promised and for which they did NOT receive extra compensation, came to a close, our director publicly presented this person with a cheesy certificate that basically said “Yay you!” We were all shocked and horrified on our colleague’s behalf. He deserved thousands of dollars in extra compensation.

  164. rubyrose*

    A little off from what was requested, but the memory jog form the coffee cup with “cheap gift” in various foreign languages made me laugh.

    When I was in college I was in the first Russian class the university was offering. The instructor came on campus just for this class five days a week, in the middle of the day when parking was horrible. Since he was not full time they would not give him a faculty parking pass (??), so he had to fend for himself in the outer lots. He was not happy about it.

    When the school newspaper came to do a story on the class, he wrote on the chalkboard the equivalent of WTF in Russian. Newspaper took a picture of him at the chalkboard; it appeared up top on page 1. We all had a great laugh, along with the political science prof whose specialty was Slavic countries, who knew Russian.

  165. Anon Today*

    For my 10th work anniversary, I got an email saying congratulations. Although to be fair, only two people have gotten anything of more significance. A senior leader who got a cake on his 20th anniversary, and a long-time administrative who also received a cake on her 30th anniversary.

  166. EmilyAnn*

    I used to organize the leaving events for everyone. I collected the money, ordered the gift and arranged the parties. Long before I was job searching I told everyone in the office exactly what I wanted when I left. When I announced my resignation I told my best work friend and my boss and my bosses boss exactly what I wanted when I left. When I left I got… exactly what I wanted! It’s a lesson I’ve learned. I can only expect people to do what they’re asked. Anything above that is extra.

    1. bopper*

      Good for you! I remember telling my clueless officemates what they should do for a baby shower for me.

    2. Winter Stocking Hat*

      Yay, this! A couple of jobs ago I was pretty sure that noone was going to do anything for my birthday. So I asked my husband to call my boss the morning of my birthday (while I was driving to work) and tell her it was my birthday and the kind of cake I wanted (which was one of the cakes they had purchased for the intern’s birthday) and that I was afraid I wasn’t going to get anything because I didn’t think that anyone knew it was my birthday.

      So, the morning goes by, and lunch goes by and mid-afternoon goes by – – and by this time I’m getting pretty frustrated. When all of a sudden a co-worker walks in with the exact cake I wanted lit with candles and everyone walks over to my desk and starts singing! Best work birthday ever!

      Don’t underestimate the value of telling people exactly what you want.

    3. Jess*

      Yes, this! In our city there is an AWESOME gourmet cookie company that do delivery of boxes of cookies. Our org’s gift policy for recognising life events is a bouquet of flowers. When I had a baby I asked for (and got!) a box of delicious cookies delivered to me to the same value they would have spent on flowers. I really appreciated being listened to, and – I have to say – cookies are WAY more worthwhile to a new mother up at all hours, entertaining lots of visitors etc.

  167. CAS*

    I’d almost forgotten about this one! Years ago, I was a teller at a local bank. My first year with the bank, the week of Christmas, all the managers and personal bankers were abuzz about their bonuses. The tellers were told our bonuses were coming. A few days later, we received coupons for $5.00 off a turkey. Not a cooked, prepared turkey, but a regular, grocery store, roast-it-yourself turkey. It wasn’t even a free turkey. It was the only Christmas bonus I ever received from that bank.

  168. Bird*

    Classic academia one here: I’m a PhD student who will be graduating in the fall, as is one of my close friends in the same department. We both got job offers at the same time, but hers is an assistant professor position, and mine is outside of academia, but required a PhD to be considered. Both jobs were announced in a closed department meeting, at the same time.

    My friend has been inundated with congratulations (as she deserves!) and is now touted as a junior colleague. I have received one congratulatory email from my dissertation advisor, and complete silence from everyone else. Not an unexpected outcome, but it sure stings.

    1. Manders*

      Oof, yep, that sounds like academia all right. My husband was treated similarly when he got a (really nice!) job at a high school.

      1. Bird*

        I can’t wait to get out. My department is pretty toxic, and it has taken years for them to even provide ANY professional development events for non-ac careers.

        This is extremely stupid since this year there were, to my knowledge, about five (academic) job openings in the field in the USA, four of which were real. (The non-real one is actually in my specialty, but it had clearly been written for a person who is not me.) Two of the four are one-year, non-renewable adjunct positions. Of the remaining two, one decided to not hire anyone. And the other one was the one my friend got!

        1. Language Nerd*

          I had a similar thing happen to me: after graduating I got a job in a government research office, which required a PhD, while many in my cohort got academic positions. A few months later, my department sent out letters asking for donations, they called out recent grads and all the wonderful jobs they got, as examples of their successful program… guess who was NOT on the list? The joke is on them: guess who makes way more money and has more job stability than an associate professor (and theoretically could have given a nice donation)?

  169. Falling Diphthong*

    At a meeting for staff and parents at my child’s daycare center, the staff suggested pay was contributing to the recent turnover. The director defensively pointed out that everyone had recently received a company totebag. No one else equated “totebag” to “reason to stay with a company when other places pay more.”

  170. liz*

    I once worked my tail off on a project and received a winter hat embroidered with the company logo and the secret project name. Unfortunately, we weren’t allowed to use the secret project name outside of the company, so I couldn’t actually wear the winter hat outside of my office building. That was actually pretty funny.

    Another time, I worked on a project team related to a new partnership between my company and another company. A few months after the partnership became official, it was dissolved unceremoniously, as the companies were truly incompatible. A few months *after* the dissolution of the partnership, I received a lovely glass mug with our company logo, the partner company logo, and the launch date of the partnership. I used the mug as a pencil holder for years afterward, and it was a good conversation starter.

  171. Pebbles*

    At annual company party in mid-May, awards were given out for 5-year milestone anniversaries within the previous calendar year. Name was called out and you’d go up and get your award. We had a few names called out for awards that were not collected because the recipient had been laid off between January and mid-May.

  172. Mr. Demeanor*

    The company where I had my first grown-up job was celebrating its 25th anniversary. A majority of these employees had been with the company upwards of 10 years and a decent percent were around when it came into existence. It asked for suggestions from the employees how they wished to celebrate. While some of the ideas were a bit outlandish (I remember one co-worker thinking it would be a great idea to rent out a stadium) most probably were reasonable like having a nice party. The company’s final decision was to distribute key chains with our initials on them and having the Director on the floor tell us there was cake in the conference room and to drop by when we had a minute. Talk about failing to manage expectations.

    This same company after 9/11 decided to move the holiday party, out of respect as it was greatly impacted by the tragedy, to some time after the New Year. This was reasonable. They then decided to cancel the holiday party for that year altogether. And they never had it again. This was something the employees really loved, looked forward to, and appreciated.

  173. GreenDoor*

    I worked for a local politician as his one and only aide. Handled all the phone calls and emails. Since it was a local office, I knew hundreds of his constituents by name and they knew me well from dealing with me regularly. He’d have two thank-you parties a year for his supporters. He would pre-write his speech pointing out numerous donars, volunteers, his parents, kids, wife, even personal friends who were there who didn’t even live in his district. Everyone but me. It got to be a running “joke” that he’d forget to acknowledge me. One time, his wife stood on one side of me and a family friend on the other and, as he was giving his speech they were jumping up and down pointing at me wildly. He just gave them a confused look. Eight years times two parties where he points out all his wonderful supporters but forgets to acknowledge his one and only assistant.

    To add insult to injury, he’d feel bad and take me out for lunch the next day. To a place he picked. That served food that he knew I hated.

    1. Kimberlee, no longer Esq.*

      Oh wow! After a point, I’d be willing to think he just didn’t think it was a good idea to thank his assistant, for whatever dumb reason. But the fact that he acknowledged it was “forgetfulness” and then tried to make it up to you later (in terrible ways) is really icing.

  174. Nisie*

    I used to work on a team with professionals from several backgrounds. When it was administrative assistant day, the admins were treated to a buffet and also a separate lunch by my boss. Ditto for teacher’s appreciate day. On my specialty day- I packed lunch.

  175. Kimberlee, no longer Esq.*

    At one job, a higher-up at my company knew that morale had been low in our department and her solution was to… redecorate one of the conference rooms. You know, because a spruced-up shared meeting space will really cheer people up!

    The inspiration for this was largely that the room had a bunch of boxes of decorative things in it (big bright decorative vases, that sort of thing)… which I had hidden away, because they were for a twice-annual conference we did, nobody on the conferences team worked in that office, and they were specifically put in my care so that they wouldn’t wander away before the next conference (as stuff tends to do). We all (me and the conference folks) desperately wanted it to stop, but I’d previously been this higher-up’s assistant and I just wanted to endure it and go back to the (fairly urgent) stuff I’d been working on before she pulled me out for this important activity.

    I love decorating things! But I couldn’t even enjoy it because I felt so insulted on behalf of all the people around me whose “morale” would in no way be impacted by this room. And this is the sort of higher-up that breezes in one day, decides to change things up on the fly, and then is gone 2 hours later without much regard for the context, execution, or results of whatever it is she was stuck on that day. She’s a really lovely person and did a lot of good things for our company, but dang, when my job no longer involved supporting her directly I was super happy.

  176. Arya Snark*

    Not sure if this truly qualifies as a fail but I do feel slighted.
    I have worked hard – at times VERY hard – in the 5 years I have been with a job I really love. Boss is a good guy, I am compensated well and I have a lot of flexibility. We are small and have had some people leave or be out on extended leave unexpectedly, which has left me to fill in for them for weeks/months at a time for up to 60 hours/week. I manage a small team and basically am the 2nd in command below the owner/my boss, giving input on just about everything except marketing. I also brought in our single biggest account even though I am not in sales. Everyone gets a bottle of wine during the holidays. It’s a nice bottle that is more expensive than what I would normally buy for myself (boss used to work in the industry and has quite the cellar) and I know he goes out of his way to give me something that I will personally enjoy but I feel a little slighted in getting the same gift as the PT customer service staff, the consultant and the flaky sales guys.
    Am I wrong?

    1. Kimberlee, no longer Esq.*

      Eh, I don’t know that you’re feelings are WRONG, but I do find it a bit hard to be mad at your boss. At least he’s giving a gift, and it’s even in execution. I feel like the bigger problems are in unevenness. Especially given that you’re a higher-up and you acknowledge that you’re compensated well. I’ve definitely been resentful at jobs where the gifts go to the folks who make the most money.

      I’m a big believer in free lunch for interns. I think compensation can and should be, to some degree, merit-based, but gifts are really visible and it sucks to see someone who makes a lot more money than you do, and who has a greater degree of professional freedom, get the good gifts as well.

  177. Ray Gillette*

    I worked for a company that once had an employee satisfaction survey coming up.

    The higher-ups had this big idea to buck up morale by making people wear name tags that said “Always Satisfied.” Obviously there are about 20 things wrong with this, including:
    – These were public facing positions so it gave the impression that people would not work hard because they were “always satisfied.”
    – The obvious sexual innuendo.
    – Putting it on a badge doesn’t make it true.
    – In an employee satisfaction survey, the employees are the customers. Putting a deliverable on the customer is absurd. Telling a customer in advance that they are satisfied is absurd.

    However, what was the MOST absurd about the “Always Satisfied” badges…the font was way too small for what they wanted to do. So, to save money or whatever, the badges just said “Always.” No explanation. No company branding. They just gave everyone badges that said “Always”. It looked like everyone was advertising Tampons.

    1. Catabodua*

      You are making me laugh and remember when I worked at Joann Fabrics back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. They ran some kind of competition between stores and I can’t remember exactly what the badges said, but it was something along the lines of “Ask me what I’ve done to win!!”

      Except our store manager never filled us in on the fact that there even was a competition. She did everything herself to make sure we met goals or whatever. She also never let us know what we “won” (if we did, she kept everything) or what the point of it was.

      Then we had to wear badges telling customers to ask us about something we had no idea about. So ridiculous.

      And equally funny how many customers complained about how the phrase didn’t rhmye.

  178. Deejay*

    Two different occasions, two different employers, similar “slipped through the cracks” incidents for my entire team.

    1. The organisation had an “employee of the month” award, with each team leader nominating someone from their team. Halfway through one month, my team got a new leader. The old TL nominated someone from their new team, the new TL nominated someone from their old team. My team was the only one to get no nominations.

    2. The organisation had an awards ceremony. Senior members of each team were asked to provide nominations. This message went to team head 1 (who was off sick) and team head 2 (who was on leave). Team head 3 was the ranking person available but wasn’t told. The ceremony was awkward to say the least as lots of people from other teams went up to get awards and odd looks were cast in my team’s direction. Team head 3 later apologised, but none of us ever got an award.

    The latter was part of a general pattern of neglect of the team, who knew it was only a matter of time before a restructuring disbanded and reassigned us. The overall head of the organisation promised he would meet us monthly to keep us posted on what was happening. Only the first meeting ever happened, but taking a legalistic hairsplitting approach he could say he didn’t technically break the promise. Shortly before the second meeting, he postponed it for slightly less than one month. Shortly before the revised date, he postponed it again for slightly less than one month. Rinse and repeat. After six months of this the aforementioned team head 3 was once again in the position of apologising for something that wasn’t her fault.

    And then came the last working day before Christmas. The team was divided into two groups working in separate buildings. One was sitting with team head 1, the other (my group) was on their own in the other building. The overall head of the organisation told everyone else they could go home. Team head 1 passed this message on to the half of the team sitting with her, but completely forgot about the other half. So we were the only people in the entire organisation who didn’t get to go home early that day.

  179. Weyrwoman*

    Oh boy. I’m not salty about this story at all. Nope.

    About ten or eleven years ago I was working as the Technical Director for the theatre department at my childhood summer camp. I had an Assistant TD, who was from the UK (this factors in later), new to the camp, and didn’t know how to work any of the equipment for shows.

    Being foreign, male, and at an all-girls camp, the ATD was super popular, and spent a lot of time flirting with the female counselors and staff.

    Fast forward a month to one of the final shows being put on. The show was already a bit of a clustercluck, because the director didn’t know how to write a que sheet, and so provided me with a copy of the script. We spent the day or two before the show working out lights up, lights down, and the one moment the director wanted the spotlight to happen. Okay cool.

    The night of the show was also my ATD’s night off. No worries, I think, since the show was generally pretty que-light. But even when there’s only ten ques, running the sound board, the light board, and the spotlight by myself was a bit much. (The two boards were in the booth, but to use the spotlight I had to exit the booth, go up some stairs to a balcony, manually move the spot to follow the character for their solo, then turn the spot off, leap over the railing so that I was right next to the booth entrance, and get my ass back in the booth to turn the main lights back up).

    At this camp, there’s a tradition where at the end of every show, the cast comes out to thank everyone who’s worked on it. They thank the director and producer, the pianist and other instrumentals, the backstage crew, and usually, the person running the booth. Thanks are distributed via bouquets of flowers.

    Well, at the end of this show, the thank-yous start. I’m excited, because I did a lot of work and gdi I deserve this recognition. They get to the part where they usually thank the booth person, and instead of thanking me, who did all the work, they thank the ATD by name. He walks up to get his flowers – on his night off, he was not only in camp (and could’ve helped me!), but sitting in the front row in front of the stage, flirting outrageously with the pianist for the entire show.

    I declined their offer of employment for the following summer.

  180. Amelia*

    This was well-intentioned but a good example of why it’s important to think through these things…many years ago, at my first job, the managerial staff of my department decided to reward the entry-level, public-facing staff for their hard work at our busiest time of year. The problem was, as with many public-facing jobs, that there had to be coverage for all open hours so it was hard to find a time. Their solution was to ask everyone to come in early for a breakfast…at the exact time of year when nobody wanted to be spending any MORE time at work. Plus a lot of the staff had carefully scheduled day-care drop-offs, commutes, etc so shifting the workday by an hour, fairly last-minute, meant a ton of work rearranging all this stuff.

  181. Amanda*

    At my first job many years ago, I was on a team of about 10. During a meeting our boss gave each one of us a small gift that she picked out personally, I suppose in an attempt at recognizing an attribute of each employee. For example, for one of my teammates, she got her a toy ball that when rolled, would change direction whenever it bumped into anything, chosen for her because she was flexible and would gladly do whatever was asked of her. For me, she chose a plastic T-Rex dinosaur because I had been at the company the longest. She also said that that was the only thing she could really think of for me. For another she bought her a miniature egg skillet because that person hated to cook. Neither of us were really amused.

    1. ExcelJedi*

      At least your boss seems universally inept at gift giving. Not gonna lie, some of us would love a t-rex for our desks, but that’s not really an *everyone* thing.

  182. ArtK*

    I know I’ve shared this one before, but it’s a great example of how to not motivate people.
    Background #1: We’re a software company and have a very large backlog of bugs in one of our older reasons. For a lot of really stupid business reasons, we *must* fix all of these in order to end that version and get customers to move up.
    Background #2: Around this time, the company put in security doors that you had to badge in/out. They *assured* us that they wouldn’t be tracking hours using this.
    So, we had a major bug fix push. Each team was given a goal of a certain number of bugs per week. If your team beat their goal, there would be a reward (time off, IIRC.) If *any* team failed to meet their goal for a week, then *everyone* went on mandatory overtime. So right there, they’re setting up a situation where there could be horrific resentment — especially since not all bugs are created equal and a simple count tells you nothing. In any case, that problem didn’t materialize. Every team in the company beat their goals by a big margin. So, we get to the all-hands where they are going to discuss this.
    “Well, it was so successful that we can’t afford to give the rewards. Thanks for all your efforts. By the way, we tracked working hours during this (using the door data, of course) and it turns out that people were still taking long lunches and arriving late and leaving early; that has to stop.”
    So, they made a promise that they couldn’t keep. Broke a promise and totally missed a set of issues. If people were suddenly more efficient given the same working hours, perhaps look at the things going on when we *don’t* have a special push on to see what’s slowing folks down? Or look into *why* people aren’t putting in more time? Could it be an oppressive environment with scrambled management and daily changing priorities?

    1. laylaaaaaaaah*

      Wow. Surely if everything was so successful, they could have looked into more flexible working hours/longer lunches and portrayed it as a reward, rather than crapping on their employees on literally all fronts?

      1. ArtK*

        This company was a spin-off of an old-school aircraft/defense manufacturer. There’s an attitude (especially back in the 80s) that you give your all for the company, no matter what.

  183. Akcipitrokulo*

    I had been seconded to a project where everyone except me was a new start, and I trained them all. We smashed the targets, and I was successful in applying for a promotion in old department. So manager announced he was taking us to lunch to celebrate my promotion & say goodbye. Proposed date was about 3-4 weeks in future.

    I immediately realised that I’d be fasting on that day for religious reasons, so approached him straight after the meeting to explain and ask if we could make it the day before?

    No.

    I explained that I wouldn’t be able to eat anything on that day… as it was a while out and we hadn’t actually booked it yet (which he’d mentioned in meeting when asking people where they’d like to go) then couldn’t we make an adjustment?

    No.

    He’d decided on that date, so that date it was.

    So on the date, they gave me flowers, said thank you for all my work, and then the department headed out to lunch without me for my own leaving lunch.

    (Other team members were horrified and embarrassed… they did ask me to come along but I felt sitting watching them eat would have been even more awkward!)

      1. Akcipitrokulo*

        Yeah. I think he assumed I was exaggerating and would come round and come have lunch…

        Also west coast Scotland 15 ish years ago l, and he was in 50-60s so afraid can’t rule out a bit of sectarianism going on :(

  184. Glad to be gone*

    OldJob was within three weeks of opening a new multi-million-dollar recreational pool to members and the public and realized we had nobody on staff with a certain credential required by the state to operate. (my state requires pesticide certification to handle swimming pool chlorine, for unfathomable reasons) I received the study guide at 10am Friday morning, studied all weekend, took both parts of the test on Monday and passed, so the pool could open on time.

    My recognition was a pair of movie ticket passes. I’m pretty certain they were donated to the org.

    OldJob was also big on giving lottery scratchoff tickers as staff “recognition.” Extremely cheap and everyone could pretend that some lucky staffer could win big, even though we all knew it wouldn’t happen. One Senior Director handed a bunch out after some event involving extra work. My boss actually won $5. But the Sr Director had bought them in the next state over, where she lived. So, it would have only cost boss an hour of time and 30 miles worth of gas to collect her $5.

  185. Ellen Wood*

    Both of my parents died within 6 months of one another. My sister got cards, plants, food, and restaurant gift cards from the bank where she worked. I got nothing, not even an, “I’m sorry” from anyone. I had worked as a science teacher in the school for 19 years.

    1. Anne (with an e)*

      I am so sorry about the loss of your parents. Also, I am very sorry that your colleagues were so callous.

  186. I'm Not Phyllis*

    This doesn’t quite rise to the level of some of the others but … when I left my last job, I asked the manager of HR who I was friendly with to make sure they didn’t do anything as a goodbye. I worked directly for the new CEO and we just didn’t get along at all – we started out on the wrong foot and just kept going. Plus the environment there was just so toxic. In short, I was so happy to get out of there that I was actually hoping they’d just walk me out after I resigned. But they didn’t, of course, and I worked out my two weeks.

    On my last day, they had a cake and coffee in the kitchen. Even though I had asked to have nothing like this, I wasn’t mad about it – it was sweet. They gave me a card and a gift card. Cool right? Well, my CEO went out of her way not to be there. As in, she left right before and came back right after, even though there was nothing in her calendar. Not only that, she snuck out at the end of the day without saying so much as a “good luck.”

    And that’s how I know I made the right move.

  187. many bells down*

    My husband spent 12 years at his last job – an incredibly long time in his industry. At his 10-year anniversary there he was THE most senior employee besides the owner; he’d even been there longer than the second partner. So they threw him a party and told him “your gift isn’t ready yet, but we’re working on it and it’s going to be AWESOME.”

    Fast-forward 6 months later and we’ve still heard nothing about this gift. Then a friend of mine who worked in a different department there told me that her department had come up with a gift idea that I know he would have loved, but it was vetoed as “not good enough.”

    Eighteen months later, he got a new job and left. Never did hear another word about that “awesome gift.” Oh, and that anniversary lunch they threw for him? They forgot he had dietary restrictions. He couldn’t even eat half the food at his own party.

  188. Teapot Engineer*

    I work for a federally contracted employer. So even though we are all salaried employees, we have to fill out time cards to charge to various projects. Our work used to have appreciation events during the workday, but at the bottom of every appreciation event email, there is a disclaimer saying time spent at the appreciation event cannot be charged. So, if I spend 45 min at the appreciation event, I had to stay an extra 45 min that day. Mgmt finally caught on after several of us complained, so now all the appreciation events can either be charged, or occur after work.

  189. Horizons*

    Our university gives out campus awards each year. Winners traditionally get a high-end, wooden plaque and a cash gift (like $200). But the awards committee has a lot of turnover and sometimes planning falls apart. One year my friend won an award- and got a PPT certificate, complete with [insert name here] placeholder, attached as an email. Her cash gift that year? $20 for the campus cafeteria.

  190. EddieSherbert*

    We typically don’t “do” birthdays in our office. I share a birthday with my (only) coworker and my grandboss. Last year, my boss decided (to be a bit of a suck up… and) buy grandboss a cake for his birthday.

    BOTH of her direct reports have the SAME birthday as her boss… and she forgot about our birthday(s) and got him a cake. Coworker has been here over 10 years and I’ve been here 3 years.

  191. The Photographer's Husband*

    Oh, I can’t believe I forgot this one.

    At my old job, my team did a ‘Team Member of the Month’ special recognition. I was one of many team members that was frequently nominated, but never chosen. One month, I think they decided to do something about people like me who never really got recognized. So they created a Plinko-style game and if you were even nominated, you got to throw a ball down the Pinko board and win one of 5-6 prizes. I actually thought this was a great idea, except that one of the prizes was definitely Not Like the Others.

    The prizes one could win were things like a 1:1 lunch with your team lead (on company’s dime), a day where you could come in 2 hours late or leave 2 hours early, bagels for your team one morning, or the grand prize of an extra PTO day. And then there was the Not Like the Others prize: either a Salesforce-branded T-shirt or water bottle – I guess since our company was switching to Salesforce and got a bunch of free swag from them?

    Either way, of course when I played, I landed in the Salesforce swag category. I shrugged, chalked it up to bad luck and took my T-shirt. Then, after a plethora of fabulous prizes for others, the meeting ended and they had a bunch of Salesforce swag still left over. They then decided to just go ahead and let anyone who wanted come up and grab a T-shirt/water bottle.

    I grabbed an extra water bottle out of spite.

  192. Kat Em*

    For Teacher Appreciation Week we got little plastic baggies with a bunch of random junk with a card signifying what they meant. Things like

    Paper clip: to help you hold it all together!
    Birthday candle: because you light the way!
    (Hersheys) hugs: for all the love you show!

    I would rather have received nothing and not have had any trash to throw away.

    2. Julianne*

      Oh barf. Our administration puts out coffee and snacks all week during Teacher Appreciation Week, and we get catered lunch that Friday. Staff birthdays are acknowledged in the weekly staff bulletin. We get a school-branded gift at the holidays. (I’ve thus far acquired a travel mug and a ceramic coffee mug, I actually can’t remember or locate the gift from my 2nd year.) For me, this is a perfect level of giving/stuff-based appreciation.

    3. jotpe*

      OH! I remember this kind of thing when I was a kid. I feel like we put these together for teachers/moms/girl scout leaders. Pinterest before Pinterest. Way more about the giver being “cute” and “creative” than actually giving a nice gift.

  193. BusyBee*

    I remember my mom’s old company would do the thing where you can pick your gift from a catalog as part of a recognition program. All the gifts were pretty inexpensive, weird and not particularly nice, but my younger brother and I had a BLAST choosing what she should redeem. I think we ended up getting a water purified and this weird breathalyzer thing. Nothing like clean water and knowing your limit!

    1. ContentWrangler*

      I actually have a really sweet story about one of those recognition catalog program things. My grandpa was a detective and at your 15 (or 20th I can’t quite remember) year mark, you got to pick something out of a catalog. Traditionally the detectives picked out watches for themselves. My grandpa is not the fancy watch-wearing sort, so instead he picked out this pretty silver necklace and gave it to me as a Christmas gift. I still have it and love wearing it.

  194. RJGM*

    Yet another birthday story: My department doesn’t do anything for birthdays. Apparently it used to, but we got too big, so they stopped. I brought back the tradition of leaving a single balloon tied to the birthday person’s chair; for awhile, I was semi-anonymous, in that only two or three people knew I was the one doing it.

    I think y’all can see the problem already. I didn’t get anything on my own birthday, since I didn’t want to get one for myself. :(

    And a positive story: I have a little game in which I count the exclamation points in emails. My boss & grandboss are very stoic — boss more so than grandboss — so I’ll occasionally IM a coworker, “I got a two-exclamation-point email from [Grandboss]!” (Exclamation points are very rare from my boss; it’s even more exciting when he sends me one.) I joke that if I get 2-3 from Grandboss or one from Boss, I know that I’ve either done something REALLY good or REALLY bad.

  195. Tomato Frog*

    My dad’s a diplomat. When Bill Clinton was president, he came to visit the city where my dad was posted. A presidential visit is a big circus, and it meant a lot of extra work and stress for foreign service personnel.

    When Clinton arrived they held a special event for consular staff and probably some important expats, etc. Clinton spoke briefly and thanked everyone for their hard work, identifying some people by name. It was really gracious and charming. Among the people he named was my dad: Clinton mentioned how he had worked tirelessly to handle travel logistics, to the point where his coworkers called him “Airport Jim.” I was so impressed that Clinton had those sorts of details. And I hadn’t realized my dad had done all that stuff!

    …Because, it turned out, he hadn’t. No one called him Airport Jim, he didn’t have anything to do with travel logistics.

    I’ve wondered ever since how exactly that went wrong, and if my dad got praise intended for someone else, or if Clinton just had a lot of completely wrong information. I always think about it when I hear politicians talking about the little people.

  196. Goya de la Mancha*

    When I was in high school, our principal would walk around to classrooms at the beginning of class. If everyone had gotten there on time (no tardies), then the whole class got……a sticker! You can imagine just how excited a bunch teenagers were to see a sticker – and the practice had to stop after the janitorial crew complained of all sthe stickers being left on doors/windows/walls. I mean c’mon man, a tootsie roll midget would have been better then a sticker!

    1. laylaaaaaaaah*

      My school used to do certificates for good behaviour and attendance, but in practice they mostly went to students who had usually been terrible, but whose behaviour had been on a (however brief) uptick lately. Anyone who generally did okay got nothing, and after a while it just felt like there was no reason to bother, so we didn’t.

      1. kible*

        this reminds me of how hard i had to fight to get my perfect attendance certificates for both middle school and high school, because i was quiet enough that sometimes teachers marked me absent for class, or assumed that because it was a “senior skip day” that i wasn’t there.

  197. Nobody Here by That Name*

    Another one from my company:

    There’s an “Associate of the Quarter” award. In theory people write in nominating folks with a reason why they should win, the winner is announced at the monthly all staff meeting and given a couple hundred bucks. All good in theory. In reality:

    The first award was given to the COO’s daughter.

    The second was given to the COO’s daughter’s best friend.

    The CEO likes to Michael Scott it up and spontaneously changes the dollar amount without rhyme or reason. So some people get a couple hundred, some a thousand, and since there’s no logic to who gets the greater amounts those who get the lesser invariably feel snubbed.

    The CEO also likes to make a production of presenting the award. So, while the associate stands in the front of the room after hearing what’s admittedly a nice little speech about their work, the CEO then starts a routine of trying to get everyone to applaud by saying things like “I dunno, do they REALLY deserve this award?” and then slowly doling out money based on how much people applaud. This results in some of the aforementioned changing dollar amounts given, but also in cringe-worthy moments where associates who have put in excellent work at the company for years are now made to beg for something their co-workers already said they earned.

    Even more cringe-worthy when the white CEO suggested a black associate do a dance in front of everyone in order to earn the bonus money.

  198. Hazy*

    I worked for the same high school for twenty-six years. During that time whenever someone left or retired there was a huge celebration of the person who was moving on. This would include a party, gifts, speeches, skits, good-hearted roasting, and very nice, expensive gifts. The longer the colleague had been teaching and/or if it was a retitrement, then the celebration would be in line with the number of years. This was our school’s tradition and over the years I had celebrated my fellow teachers who were leaving with food, gifts, skits, etc. Then we got a new principal. I suppose no one informed her of our goodbye tradition, or she didn’t care. After twenty-six years of working at the same high school I received a cheap, immitation tervis tumbler. There was no celebration. There was no skit. There was no speech. There was only a very cheap cup which I gave away.

  199. riprose*

    I served 4 years on the board of directors of a financially-comfortable community nonprofit. Three of those years I served as board officer, including over a year leading a strategic planning process, in addition to volunteering operationally with the nonprofit on a regular basis throughout the year. Because the board was expected to provide so much working support to the 2-person staff, we had a longstanding tradition of recognizing outgoing board members at the end of their three-year term with a $50 gift certificate. This was always selected for them personally (e.g. their favorite restaurant, a boutique in their style, etc.).

    For my final year on the board the board chair who succeeded me decided these were unnecessary gifts. I got a chocolate bar. With an ingredient in it that I couldn’t eat. And they went back to gift cards the next year.

  200. Going anonymous to protect the innocent*

    Where I work, the only reward we’re able to give staff for a job well done is a casual dress day. It seems so woefully inadequate sometimes when an employee really has gone above and beyond and is worthy of recognition and all I can say is “here’s a handwritten certificate and permission to wear jeans for a day.”

    1. Anon because this might be too identifying*

      I’d appreciate it. Because we were given the ability to wear jeans on Fridays in lieu of more money (they literally formed a committee and said “since we can’t give you more money, how else can we reward you?” and the answer was JEANS), and then it was taken away a few years later, with no reason given.

    2. Turquoisecow*

      My old company periodically had raffles or random contests in which one of the prizes was a “casual day.” I don’t recall anyone being super excited about that, especially since they were only occasionally strict (or even adherent to) about the dress code.

  201. Front of the House Manager*

    When I was salaried, I would occassionally (1-2x a year) get $100 bonuses. I am incredibly underpaid for my workload, so while it’s a nice gesture, I can’t get too excited about it. We received Christmas bonuses two years ago and have never received them since because someone stole a ton of money in 2016. I have never received acknowledgment for my birthday above a “happy birthday,” even though I have been here the longest (just hit 5 years in a retail food service environment with high turnover), even though others have gotten cakes/pizza for their birthdays. I have made sure to get people gifts (usually a bottle of alcohol) for their birthdays if they make the date known, I organized a baby shower for one staff member who was leaving (I did get reimbursed for all but $40 on that, but I still did a ton of running around, wrapped gifts, etc, and made a handmade card)… I gave a staff member a sizable grocery gift card because she was struggling badly at Thanksgiving, along with a heartfelt thank you note. I made my boss a quick embroidery piece for Christmas and gave her a handmade card. (Yes, I know that gifts flow downward. It was a funny gift, and I had been meaning to make it for several years but would remember too late.)

    I know this might come across like I’m a martyr, but I feel slighted every birthday. The past few years, my birthdays have been really crappy, and I’m trying to become more sensitive to acknowledging other people’s special days. I also legitimately enjoy giving people gifts and doing crafts. I’m mainly hurt that I can’t even get a damn cupcake out of my boss!

    1. laylaaaaaaaah*

      I can completely see why! It sucks to not be recognised at work, but it particularly sucks when you’re making so much effort for others (especially with HANDMADE stuff, wow).

    2. KikiD*

      Yeah, I’m with you there. At my last job, I was the person who made the once-a-month birthday cakes for the office. I also made and gave handmade gifts for special occasions (like baby bibs for the expectant parents). I really enjoy making things and giving gifts. When I left the organization, they thought that instead of giving me the traditional going-away gift (celebrating my 20 year career) it would be appropriate to give me a cake server. Um, thanks?

  202. bopper*

    Good recognition: We get prizes from an outside vendor for every 5 year work anniversaries…I didn’t like or had any of the choices for my 30th work anniversary…so I waited…until they had Ipads!

    A good boss; We had a guy who I was glad to see go get laid off…no peers organized any going away “celebration” so my boss ran out and got a kosher cake at lunch (coworker kept Kosher) and had a 2:00 cake thing.

    We had one of those “recognize a peer” things where you would nominate a co worker and get to keep a toy car trophy thing for a month…but I worked on a different project so never won it as nobody worked with me.

  203. yasmara*

    My company’s CEO made a big announcement about how our bonus plan was “fully funded” for 2017 (it had been restricted in past years). My bonus this year was approximately 1/10 my MONTHLY take-home pay. The CEO’s bonus is rumored to be worth something like 13 million USD.

  204. Can't Sit Still*

    I forgot about this one! Many moons ago, a colleague spent a lot of time on a project, and everyone who worked on it was promised a bonus for all of their hard work. The project was on time and well received. She got a McDonald’s gift certificate. Not one of those little booklets they used to have, but a single gift certificate for $1, quite obviously ripped out of a booklet. It turned out that everyone who worked on the project received a gift certificate from the same booklet, except the project lead, who got two.

    1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      WOW. That’s definitely at the level where the thought doesn’t even count, it would have been a better look to do nothing than that.

  205. KatT*

    My company sent out a letter praising all staff for their work the previous year and told us the profit from this work was being given to us in the form of an across the board raise. All good except we were being paid minimum wage and this raise was exactly the amount the government was increasing said wage. They actually tried to treat a legal obligation as a reward and thought we wouldn’t notice. Classy

  206. BuilderBob*

    A coaster, not a set of 4 coasters mind you but a single pewter coaster with the company logo. The was for a work anniversary, I never made it to my next milestone after that so I’ll never have the complete set haha.

    1. EddieSherbert*

      OH MY GOSH I also got a coaster for my one year anniversary (at ToxicJob)! It had a picture of the building though, not the logo (which is maybe weirder?).

  207. Suz*

    Working for a fairly cynical and exploitative language school in Japan, the company had its most successful sales month ever, and decided to reward all staff with… a 500yen coin each. That’s about $5. When challenged, they said that a 5yen coin is traditional, but they’d generously increased it because of our materialistic Western sensibilities. Best. Bonus. Ever.

  208. MechanicalPencil*

    I have two others I’ve forgotten about.

    For Christmas one year, the greatgrandboss decided that EVERYONE needed a turkey. He had someone go out a bunch something like 150 turkeys. To this day, I have no idea where or how they got to the office. Then she went around with a rolling cart doling them out. I don’t like turkey, but it came in handy for my family’s Christmas dinner.

    At my first post-college job, the rule was that the nonprofit would take all staff out to lunch at a place of the leaver’s choosing.However, I had the audacity to leave after our Christmas party and during our busiest season, so HR told me that it really wasn’t appropriate and maybe I could come back later and do a lunch. Uh. Fine. This is one of the reason’s I’m leaving, so if it helps me get out of here sooner, sure. One of my friends intervened and they ended up catering sandwiches in. I’m not really a sandwich person.

    1. JustaTech*

      I had a new HR person seriously suggest that the company hand out hams as our Christmas bonus. Hams. Thankfully someone talked HR out of hams and into Amazon cards, which at least aren’t going to be unacceptable/religiously offensive to a non-zero portion of the staff.
      (At least turkeys could be kosher/halal, but what about vegetarians?)

  209. Where's the Le-Toose?*

    When I was fresh out of law school, I became the sole associate attorney working for an attorney who was downright cheap and nasty. I was vastly underpaid, overworked, but I needed the experience. (And for anyone who thinks all attorneys make awesome money, my wages for that first year of practicing law was $16,800 in 1996; the economy was just that bad).

    On Valentine’s Day, our boss let all the support staff who had a spouse or significant other take an extra long lunch of up to 2 hours to go celebrate with their loved ones. Anyone who was single had to stay behind and watch the office, but we were graciously allowed our regular lunch hour from 12 pm to 1 pm when our office closed anyway. Also, the boss had standing instructions that the office door would be locked from 12 pm to 1 pm so clients couldn’t arrive early for post lunch meetings. That left me, my buddy “Fergus,” and the office receptionist “Jane” behind.

    When lunch rolled around, I said to myself that this was b.s., and even though I didn’t have two pennies to rub together myself, out of my own pocket I bought lunch for Fergus and Jane. We were back in the office at 1 pm. At about 1:20 pm the boss called (still on his own lunch mind you) and chewed me out on the phone for 10 minutes that I was disrespectful, insubordinate, and how dare I close his office during our regular lunch hour. It turns out he had called the office about 12:30 pm making sure someone was there even though no one was required to be there during the lunch hour and was livid when he got the office answering machine.

    In response to my “insubordination” of taking a regular lunch and buying lunch for two employees he was screwing over, I lost my parking spot and shortly thereafter, he illegally converted me from a W-2 employee to a 1099 independent contractor.

  210. Amy S*

    The story about the coffee just seems so immature. I get that it was a crappy gift but the response was crappy. I remember reading this in the comments on the original post. Sad to see that it was given extra attention on this post.

  211. KnottyFerret*

    I worked for a company that gave a small bonus for “perfect attendance” – no late arrival or out sick for an entire month. The first year they were very consistent with this small award – cash, about enough for lunch eating out, handed out once a month.

    Then they started to miss months, but play catch up every few months. Eventually, this small bonus just disappeared. Probably due to lack of funds, since this was about 2009 and they put a hold on any and all pay increases, but they never discussed the attendance bonus again.

    1. Sonja Wallenheim*

      What timing. I just came in to work this morning to find a certificate in recognition of my perfect attendance in the month of March on my desk. What is this, elementary school? Icing on the cake after my 34 cents-per-hour salary increase after 19 months of employment.

      Said certificate went straight into the shredding bin. Can’t do the same with the paycheck, though.

    2. Turquoisecow*

      My mom’s company gives out a $200 bonus at the end of the year if you’ve had perfect attendance. However, you’re allowed to accumulate and carry over sick time, and when you quit/retire, you get paid for a certain percentage of them (depending on how long you’ve been there). People quickly realized that the math didn’t work out, so if they were sick one day, they’d then proceed to use more sick days. This is a school bus company and the employees are all on a ten month contract. Employees who used all or most of their generous sick time often found their contract was not renewed.

      On the one hand, I can understand the company’s motives – they have trouble when too many drivers are out sick. But $200 isn’t enough to convince them not to take all 10 (it used to be 15) of their sick days, especially when they lose the bonus after one actual sick day. And it’s stupid to get rid of people who’ve used their allotted sick time. If you don’t want people to be out ten times, don’t give them ten days!

  212. JanetM*

    Oh, and I will mention good recognition — my university gives a longevity bonus of $100 x years worked, starting in your third year and capping at $3,000. No fanfare, just an extra direct deposit the month after your anniversary date.

  213. Doe-Eyed*

    Our office gives out tickets to the local broadway show seasons to the ’employee of the month’. This sounds great in practice, but that meant that the Sunday school teacher ended up with two tickets to see Book of Mormon and didn’t do any research first. Whoops. Also you have to pay taxes on the tickets. Also you don’t get to pick the day. Also you have to pay for parking.

    It is largely seen as a punishment.

    1. EddieSherbert*

      Haha, that went downhill quickly… they tried, I guess?

      …I also wouldn’t want to see a musical I didn’t choose on an assigned day while paying for some of the things involved.

  214. Katniss of Teapots*

    We got tshirts or drawstring bags for winter holiday every year. At least we could wear those to work bc of the kind of job it was, except the person in charge of handing them out just randomly guessed our sizes. Frequently we’d be gifted a shirt that was way too small & thus unwearable.

    And then there was the other job, where after very long taxing weeks they threw parties with a keg. I don’t drink and after a long interfacing-with-children-and-parents week I just wanted to go crash. It wasn’t technically mandatory fun except it was; they liked recognizing people who had gotten good feedback in front of everyone. I’d rather have had my hard work ignored entirely.

  215. Eye of Sauron*

    I remember my story…

    We were going to have a 10 yr anniversary lunch for one of the guys who works in the warehouse. He used to report up to me through a supervisor. I had changed positions at the time of the lunch so he no longer was in my reporting line. Anyway, I walk in to the breakroom (really small office ~20 people) to find the anniversary guy setting up the room for lunch. I was livid! I calmly said “Hey Bob, why don’t you go ahead and go back to work, we’ve got this and will call you when lunch is ready” after he left I turned on his supervisor (who used to report to me) and our office manager who were both in the room standing around watching Bob set up for lunch and yelled at them both.

    Yes, I think I raised my voice. I’m sure there was a rant, but the msg was “Are you kidding me, you’re going to make the person who is celebrating their anniversary set up the damn tables?! What is wrong with you two? What’s next does he get to be last in line and to clean up afterwards too?”

    The cluelessness on the part of the OM was staggering… her response “But Bob always sets up when we have lunch” and Bob’s supervisor was worse “Well the OM told me to have Bob set up” -The supervisor got a reminder from me that it was his job to stand up for his employees and I wouldn’t be around anymore to do it for him.

    Oh jeez, I’m getting all angry again just thinking about it.

    1. Marthooh*

      Nnnnoooooooo no no no no no.

      They were standing there watching. While Bob set up the tables. For his own anniversary lunch. Oh nooooooo…

      AAM comment section once again crushes my faith in humanity.

  216. Anon Good Nurse*

    A former company tried to implement a “Thank You” program to boost morale. If someone did something well or that deserved a thank you, you went on an internal website and put their name in. A few days later, they received a printed note saying “You’re a Life Saver!” with a pack of Lifesavers attached. (It wasn’t a full pack of Lifesavers, it was a small pack of five of them. All mint flavored.) This went over like a lead balloon. If you did go out of your way to do something big and meaningful, the “thank you” seemed silly and cheap. Somehow, it translated into a bunch of people in our department passing around nickels as a “Thank you” as if to demonstrate that was just how valuable you were to the company. The program ended quickly and quietly when people didn’t use it.

  217. Det. Charles Boyle*

    I wonder if anyone else sees that this is how big business (or businesses in general) treats its employees? Businesses don’t care about employees. Wages are stagnant or going down; productivity is going up b/c we’re all afraid of losing our low-paying jobs. We need to unionize! We’re not working b/c we love to work, after all. Most of us work b/c we need the money. Instead of feeling sad or down b/c the company you work for doesn’t care about your life events (and why should they? They only care about squeezing the last drops of productivity out of you), start working for better unions; Medicare-for-all (so we’re not tied to our jobs for health care); fewer corporate tax breaks; corporate welfare; etc.

    1. Eye of Sauron*

      Aren’t you a special ray of sunshine…

      To answer your question… no I don’t see lack of birthday cake as big business keeping the man down or whatever you are trying to get at.

    2. In Todd We Trust*

      No thank you. I’ll negotiate for myself. I am comfortable with my abilities and benefit to the organization. I don’t support any of those items.

      1. Larry*

        I hope you will negotiate for your own health insurance and refuse social security then. Go it alone like the rugged Bro you are!

  218. Rescue ALL the dogs!*

    I once worked in a location that got hit pretty bad by a hurricane. Like, so bad you couldn’t get in and out of the county. My boss and the CEO had to have a police escort to get through the military barricades so they could go inspect our site and structures. The CEO and VPs asked a few of the higher level people to come back early to help determine damages and make contingency plans – let me be clear, I was not a high level person. But my boss, who was a VP, specifically requested that I return early so that I could work on an oh so important report that she just insisted HAD to be sent out by the end of the month. So that’s what I did, even though my house didn’t have power, and that I was living on bottled water, or that I had to have people come and physically saw mangled debris off my porch so I could get in, I still showed up at work a full week and a half before the rest of the employees were asked to even *begin* their return.

    So I wrote the report, sent it off to my boss and the CEO to review, and was told that actually they wanted to wait a couple of months to send it. Right, okay then.

    Several months later, at the holiday party, the CEO gives a long speech thanking everyone for their dedication, especially the people who came back early and bared difficult conditions for the good of the organization! And then he named every single person EXCEPT me. And my boss stood up and started to do her thanks and did the exact. same. thing.

    I gave my notice a few weeks later and was kind enough to give them six weeks to find a replacement. On my last day I got a scathing email from the CEO telling me how disappointed he was that he hadn’t seen a draft of the report yet (which he had!) and my boss decided at 4pm that she wanted me to send the report after all – so I had to stay late to do it – forget about a cake, no one even said goodbye.

    1. Membercard*

      I am so sorry you experienced this. I love your username and my dog sends you many cuddles just thinking about you having to work with these awful people.

    2. EddieSherbert*

      That sounds like a clusterf…udge. I’m sorry and sooo glad you got out of there!

    3. Her Blondeness*

      You stayed late on your last day? Why? If you refused, what would they do – fire you?

      Of course, this is assuming you have a new position lined up and don’t need their reference.

  219. KayEss*

    I worked for a (mercifully short) while for a boss who clearly… very much liked to think of herself as magnanimous, but was really just a needy narcissist. There were stories about her gift-giving going back decades. The one I remember best: one Christmas, she gave all the women in the office certificates for a spa day, and all the men in the office a pair of socks. Of course, the women were required to spend their spa day with said needy narcissist boss, so it was widely acknowledged that the men got the better end of the deal.

  220. Hmmm*

    Was working during the recession. Received an email around the holidays that read, “In lieu of holiday bonuses, this year we will be passing out ice cream sandwiches!”

    This was the same company that told me (hourly employee at $8.50/hour in California) that if I ever applied for overtime again, they would fire me. My one position was doing the work of 3 former full time employees they fired to save money. I quit after 9 months.

  221. Nonprofit Princess*

    I work in the nonprofit sector. Raises and promotions are rare. But the leadership had been trying to give out an annual gift card at the holidays. Last year they gave it out a week early, hoping folks would be placated and “use it to make their holidays brighter” (a $25 Target card) while ignoring the fact that our insurance premiums went up by 10%.

  222. Symplicite*

    I’ve made a point of taking my birthday as a vacation day. It works as it’s in the same week as other family members, so I go away and avoid the whole birthday thing.

    Most memorable was when I left OldDepartment for my current one. The norm was to take the person leaving out for a celebratory lunch. I just happen to be leaving at the same time as the Director of the department, so our “leaving” lunches were combined. I think she picked the place, which was a loud and noisy bar/restaurant where I could barely hear the person next to me. I didn’t even know it was my going-away lunch until I tried to pay for my lunch and was told that it was covered by my boss.

    But they knew I had been trying to get out for years, so I guess that was to be expected. So glad I’m away from that.

  223. zolk*

    When you work in my company for ten years you get… $100. Ten dollars for each year you’ve been here.

    It does not particularly make you feel valued.

  224. Delta Delta*

    I worked for a business for a while that usually gave Christmas bonuses. They weren’t much, but they were usually given. And then one year they weren’t. There was no explanation – there just wasn’t a bonus. That’s fine if there’s a head’s up that there isn’t enough cash to do that. But it caused some people to worry that they’d done something wrong because they didn’t get a bonus and thought maybe other people had. Maybe this doesn’t exactly fit in this category, but without communication, people felt like maybe they were in trouble.

    1. Eye of Sauron*

      Clark Griswald, is that you?

      Sorry, I had flashbacks to Christmas Vacation. That sucks that they changed things without telling anyone.

  225. Anonymous Musician*

    I can’t believe it’s taken me all day to come up with this one but last fall the Board of my orchestra voted to fire our music director because of bogus and trumped-up reasons that the president and the executive director gave them (drama is still unfolding all these months later). They were kind enough to “let him” conduct the first concert of the season, probably because they couldn’t find anyone at the last minute to fill in for that performance. At the end of the concert, after the music director had left the stage and very deliberately and quickly tried to leave the building to save face, the Board gave him a bouquet of flowers. He had to be found and called back onstage to receive said bouquet, which took much longer than it should have, and the Board member handing him the flowers was one of the people who’d voted to fire him. It was one of the most awkward things I’ve personally witnessed on a stage.

  226. Pebbles*

    CEO started new Company Cultural Values where humility is one of the values. To be a good employee you need to be humble. Got it?

    Ok, so then CEO instituted a membership club thing to honor those employees who best represent the Company Cultural Values. As part of being a member of this club, those employees would receive perks including being upgraded on flights if you traveled for the company, a reserved parking spot, and being able to cut in front of the drink/food line at company parties.

    I was appalled at this clear mismatch of values vs rewards so after the first quarter where some employees gained membership to this club, I told ThenManager that if he ever felt like nominating me for this to please don’t. He said “don’t worry, I wasn’t even asked for any names” even though one of my team members and his direct report was on that first recipient list.

    1. Gaz112*

      “being able to cut in front of the drink/food line at company parties.”

      Not in front of me they wouldn’t….

  227. Salt and Pepper*

    I gave notice at a previous job after being jerked around by my director for over 2+ years that I would be converted from a contractor to an employee. A lot of people were being laid off so I was understanding about not being switched to employee as I was told by her that I was being kept because I was a ‘rockstar’ and that she was working on it and I was next in line. After a bunch of passive aggressive moves by that same director however, I was reaching my limit though. When she converted a much newer contractor to an employee and then told me they were hoping to convert me “sometime” in the new year, maybe. I’d had it. I spoke with my immediate manager just to rule out that there wasn’t a work issue and he said that my work was great and there were no issues.I gave notice to my manager shortly after saying that another opportunity had arisen. The director was perfectly pleasant to me around other people but did not acknowledge in any way, shape or form that I was leaving. Ever. On my last day, she left before me and I was told she made a point of going around saying good bye to everyone. Except me. I think she was pissed that I refused to carry on this ‘carrot on a stick’ bs any longer. I wasn’t expecting fanfare or even a gift but a courteous “Best of Luck” at least. Thankfully, everyone else who worked there made a point of coming by to wish me luck, say good bye, acknowledge that they knew the real reason I was leaving, etc.

    1. Turquoisecow*

      A guy I temporarily replaced at work left for a similar reason. His department used to be two guys – guy 1 in a senior role and the second in a junior role. The senior guy left and the junior guy was moved into the senior role. They then hired the guy I knew. When the new senior guy left, the guy I knew expected he might be offered or at least given the chance to apply for the senior role.

      Nope. Instead they hired the original senior guy back. Everyone at the company basically knew why when he decided to quit, and even the senior guy did not blame him a bit. But when he gave his notice? His grand boss was noticeably cold. His great-grandboss stopped talking to him during his notice period. Didn’t even say good morning to him, where previously he’d done so every day.

      Just reinforced for him why it was a good idea to leave, since he wasn’t going to move up in the company.

  228. MrsCHX*

    Ahhhhhhh.

    I worked on a team with boss, another FT person (I was FT), and two PT people. We had a HUGE software implementation. Huge. Boss was a complete spaz. She didn’t like talking to people and did very little hands-on work. Other FT person had recently had a baby and was sticking to her 8-hour a day schedule (completely understood…my kids were toddlers at the time). The part timers were well…part time. They weren’t involved in the implementation.

    I did EVERYTHING. I traveled multiple times (yes, I had toddlers at home)! I did all the training of our group, on and on and on.

    At year end there was bonus money handed down from grandboss. How did boss split it? Something like:
    Herself – $8000
    Other FT – $4000
    Me – $1000
    Part timers $500 each

    I *immediately* started looking for a new job.

  229. SusanIvanova*

    I worked on the company’s flagship product, the first one they’d shipped and the one that still would be the first thing people would think of when you mentioned their name. After a dozen-odd years on the market, it naturally didn’t have outstanding sales growth, but it was nice and dependable.

    The company grew up around us and we ended up in a division that focused on the new and exciting stuff, and so departmental all-hands would talk about that, ignoring us even when we shipped and got our usual glowing reviews, or when one of us got some industry recognition.

    So eventually we quit going, and when they dumped our whole team because they wanted to put our “low performing” product in maintenance mode (without actually admitting that to customers), “not showing up for all-hands” was cited as a reason not to keep us.

  230. Bad Candidate*

    At my office now birthdays aren’t a huge deal, but a card is sent around and everyone signs it. I started in June and was asked when my birthday was (early December) and it was added to the list and distributed. And I didn’t get a card. Nothing. I know it’s just a card, but still. I got no apology for it either. Worse, the week before there was a collection for a gift for the bosses (my boss and her boss, her boss being the person that does the cards) and I had contributed to it. The following week a Christmas card was sent around for the old boss that doesn’t even work at the company any more. In February it was the birthday of a gal who started after me and works remotely, her birthday was also forgotten, but a happy belated card was sent around with an apology for missing it.

    I know it’s just a card, but I was really looking forward to having it recognized. It was also the birthday that was a year older than my mom was when she died, so I had a lot of anxiety around it. Work crapping out like that made it worse.

    1. laylaaaaaaaah*

      I know that feeling- the exact same thing happened to me. It’s not just about the card, it’s about the sense of ‘hey, we see you, you’re part of the group’ that goes with it, especially when there’s a specific routine in place.

  231. Bitter As Office Coffee*

    I’m a bit bitter about this one. A couple of weeks ago, my office held a potluck bridal shower for a coworker. We contributed money and they gave her some lovely gifts and money — and we all had a nice lunch with lovely decorations that related to the theme of her wedding.

    I got married back in December — and I didn’t even get a signed card. I wasn’t bothered about not getting a card, until I went to the shower for the other person. (Note: I was left off of the discussion list about her shower and didn’t know about it until someone pulled me aside to ask for money and to sign the card.) Now, my wedding was a much smaller occasion with only our immediate families, so I didn’t expect the same scale of a party. But I was deeply hurt because I had been at the office for significantly longer than the other coworker and I had been with my wonderful husband for ages and most of my coworkers saw our relationship from the near beginnings. We were just lazy about getting married until I got pregnant. (Which was a nightmare process involving 2 miscarriages, lots of needles, frustration, and heartache) When I’m feeling charitable, I just assume that they are planning a baby shower for me and they didn’t want to do two showers for one person in one year.

  232. Elizabeth West*

    Oh man, I think I missed reading all the posts. At OldExjob, we were supposed to get these jackets at our five-year workiversary. They were really nice burgundy-colored, branded jackets with embroidered logo, etc. By the time mine rolled around, they’d been replaced with these super butt-ugly grey plastic windbreakers. Gave me no qualms whatsoever to pitch that sucker when I got laid off.

    Same job: one of our employees, the facilities manager’s assistant, died in his sleep unexpectedly over a weekend. He was well loved and we all were pretty devastated. About a month later, we had our all-team meeting, where it was customary to mention birthdays, anniversaries, and other significant occurrences in addition to the financials. The new general manager (who had formerly been the ops manager) did not say a fecking word about him. Never even mentioned his name.

    I wondered later if the facilities manager had asked him not to mention him so people wouldn’t be upset, but I was more upset that they DIDN’T mention him. It was as if he never existed. :(

  233. bestcoastgal*

    Recently left a job after 2 years and my farewell was me saying goodbye during the round table of a Wednesday staff meeting when my last day was Friday. All other staff who had moved on prior to me got a card circulated, a nice framed photo, and a farewell lunch or coffee. Remote offices were expected to Skype into the farewell coffee or lunch. I am not sure if it was because I was a remote worker but nothing was done for me at all.

    1. laylaaaaaaaah*

      Ouch. Even if you were a remote worker, that sucks enormously. I had kind of the opposite issue- I was supposed to leave my last job on Friday, but HR messed up and put it down as Wednesday. Came in to work Thursday morning, found myself locked out of everything, HR wouldn’t extend it by another two days so I just sort of… hugged the only coworker who wasn’t too busy working to be interrupted, left the office and that was it. I went back to pick up some stuff a week later and everyone was shocked- they thought I’d just been on annual leave.

  234. A Moose for Twos*

    I worked at a major hospital for many years, so read: most staff busting ass for long hours for very little money. I was exempt and regularly there for 11ish hours a day for a salary low enough that I could not afford my own apartment despite being a skilled professional role. We never had backup and I was never able to take time off because of it. The reward for each year of employment you got there was an email invite in the month of that anniversary where you were invited to… A brown bag lunch (BYOlunch obviously) in the hospital cafeteria with everyone else who had a similar anniversary. During your existing unpaid lunch hour, if you were hourly, but no one got to take extra time.

    But that wasn’t the standard for everyone.

    They wouldn’t shell out for breakfast or anything for the regular employee milestones, but they bought outside catering for all the meetings of the upper level management. And because the other staff had to deal with letting in the caterers and crap for the areas we worked in, we knew good and well how often (and how expensive) the trays they got for these folks were. It was probably 3-4 catered breakfasts and lunches every week in every different larger management chain, of which there were many.

  235. TootsNYC*

    My story is an unintentional fail.

    I worked my butt off, giving up tons of time (two weekend days from 10am to 5am, then 12noon to 7am) and just doing a crackerjack job, for a big deadline that was made worse by the disorganization of the powers-that-be.

    As a thank-you, they gave me a $100 gift card to Bergdorf Goodman. That’s nice, right?

    Except that at Bergdorf Goodman, I could buy: 6 note cards, OR 2 pairs of socks, OR a 5″-diameter glass candy dish. I think a lipstick (which I don’t wear). A pair of tights.

    It felt really insulting. (And I’m not paid enough to be able to add on some money.)

    Like, “Thanks for all the work, here are two pairs of socks.”

    I was so angry! I’d have rather had a simple thank-you.

    (I did discover later that I could use this at Neiman Marcus, which has sales that put actual articles of clothing within my reach, but I don’t like to buy clothes mail-order, and the anger is still actually attached to it. I should donate it to the fundraising auction at my kid’s old high school.)

    1. CBE*

      Yeah, there’s definitely a “let’s reward the poor people with something fancy” theme that really misses the boat, and this is a classic example. So sorry that happened to you!

  236. Corrupted by Coffee*

    Lately, there have been a string of incidents at work. We work with the public, so some of that is expected, but this was a string of violent incidents. Staff were physically assaulted, a woman’s face was kicked in, staff received death threats from someone actively flipping furniture. We had an average of two 911 calls a day.We were, and still are, understaffed. Attempts to get us more staff failed, because nobody felt safe working there. People started actively calling in sick, and several people requested transfers.

    So. Management heard that morale was pretty low. They asked us what would make us feel “valued and appreciated.” People suggested adequete staffing, security, more managers on duty, or counseling. One week later, everyone on staff received a signed thank you card and a dove chocolate heart.

  237. nora*

    This is incredibly minor, I admit. My first job after grad school was basically awful. Overworked, underpaid, completely ignored by the boss, etc etc. It was traditional for the staff to get cards on their anniversaries. Everyone but me, anyway.

    1. laylaaaaaaaah*

      Yeah, I feel you. Every time it was someone’s birthday, we’d pass a card around for everyone to sign and put some money in- every time, except mine (only one coworker so much as remembered to say happy birthday, and even then it was only after she checked Facebook).

  238. AliceBD*

    We worked on a really big project, and when it was successfully deployed, they hired a couple of taxivans to take the team of 10 or so people to dinner after work one day (planned in advance). It was at a loud, noisy brewery, when the group included a H, a pregnant woman (far enough along to show and for everyone in the office to know), B, a person who couldn’t drink because of medication (which was known), and me, a person who drinks very rarely (also known). The food was also almost all foods that B and I couldn’t eat because of medical issues, again something that the group knew. B and I and to some extent H just sat there for most of the night as it was too loud to really have conversation. Then we got home late and hungry.

  239. Brett*

    This actually makes me think of one of the funnier award ceremony scenarios I had at last job.

    My unit was getting recognized for our role in disaster response. This particular disaster had a very significant threat to life, and they talked about how many lives we probably saved, the costs we prevented to the general public, and how we were critical in getting federal funding so people could rebuild their homes and businesses. And then they gave us a pretty commendation certificate.

    Next, two officers came up who pulled a person from a burning car. Now, what they did was pretty amazing and brave. It would be tricky to compare what they did to what we did, even though both actions saved lives, because they certainly faced more danger.

    So, while we were still standing up there holding our pieces of paper, they presented the two officers with silver-plated axes. Not silver-colored. Real silver and about 40 lbs each. Our boss quietly turned to us and said, “maybe we should go sit down now.”

  240. RB*

    I used to work in the corporate office of a grocery chain. One year after completing a particularly difficult project, we were all rewarded with envelopes full of coupons for various grocery items. Upon further inspection, most of the coupons were either expired or about to expire.

  241. Former Government Lackey*

    At 5 year intervals OldJob gives employees a plaque, noting how many years of “distinquished” service they have given.
    In case you wondered, like me, if maybe that’s a casual-looking “g”, the word “recognition” is in the line above, and the g and q look just like they do here (different).
    Turns out, it’s been spelled like that for years.

  242. prussianblue*

    OldJob was a toxic environment… I didn’t last much more than a year. They only celebrate 10-year birthdays (so they don’t have to keep supplying cake for everyone?)… They missed my 30th anyway. I celebrated on my own by interviewing for a new job the next day.

  243. 30 Years in the Biz*

    I worked at a Fortune 100 medical/pharmaceutical company in product Quality Assurance. I and the other three highly educated and licensed clinical laboratory professional women handled all field actions (when your product has an issue recognized by the FDA) on our products. This involved holding risk evaluation meetings, putting together complex documents, and generally acting as ringmasters of very important processes involving multiple departments to ensure patient safety. In addition, we tackled a tremendous project to review, update when needed, and close an enormous customer complaint backlog. What did we three women receive from our slightly younger male department manager for our long hours, including some overtime and weekend work? A lovely drab beige-colored men’s golf shirt, over-sized with the phrase “Quality Sherpa” and a mountain custom embroidered on it. He had also previously taken us out to an afternoon movie as a reward – a romantic comedy? the new hot foreign film? No, the latest superhero movie that he probably wanted to see.

    1. BananaRama*

      Not to derail, but that guy sounds like my ex who loved to buy gifts for himself and “thoughtfully” give them to me knowing full well I wouldn’t use them.

  244. MammaRia*

    At old toxic job we had our 10 year anniversary of our non profit. I’d been there for 9.5 years at that point, and was the Payroll/Accounts manager. We had a staff of around 12 people. Big function was organised, the board in attendance, clients there, past staff members, it was a pretty big deal for us, we’d worked on it for weeks.

    The day of the function arrives. Chairman gives a speech, thanks the General Manager, the assistant manager, the general managers wife, the assistant managers wife. The GM’s wife and the AM’s wife were both presented with flowers. They didn’t, and never had worked at the organisation. Staff Were. Not. Mentioned AT ALL. No acknowledgement. Zip, Zilch, NADA. I ask someone standing next to me if I’d zoned out where the staff were thanked, and once she regained the power of speech, she said that no, we weren’t mentioned.

    So, the next day, we’ve got a staff meeting. Morale had already been low before the function, my role had been downsized to part time (but still needing to work longer if needed). We were all feeling severe budget pinch. We’re all rather upset that noone acknowledged the hard work we’d all done, eg working late to meet deadlines, etc. We’re keeping a brave face, and we all found something positive to say about the function the night before. General Manager speaks last. His only comment was “my wife didn’t get a name tag”. The poor admin tried to say there was a name badge, however, she had come through the side entrance, not the main entrance. GM blew her off.

    I’d already started job hunting, and I ramped it up after that, and left a few weeks later (and yes, to a much better position, a step down from what I was doing, less pressure, higher pay, where we were expected to work hard, but, where our work was acknowledged, where staff were PAID for overtime – I was told off for noting I took an hour for lunch on my timesheet, when I’d only taken 45 minutes, we had lunch provided a couple of times a week, and we got christmas bonuses – I loved that job!)

  245. Sam*

    A couple of year back, I worked for a tiny company where the boss would “reward” us on Friday if we’d had a productive week by giving us a cash bonus. Sounds nice, right? Well, the form this took was him having us line up in front of him and each take a turn drawing a slip of paper from a jug he was holding. Each slip of paper had a dollar amount on it ranging from twenty dollars…down to one dollar.

    Of course, only one of the slips was the $20. There were two $10 slips, five $5 slips, ten $2 slips, and twenty $1 slips. A couple of us eventually sneaked the jug down and creased the higher value ones in ways that would make it easier to feel them, and finding ourselves at a point in our lives where we felt the need to do that was only slightly less humiliating than pulling a $1 slip and being forced to smile and act appropriately grateful as the boss pried his wallet open and gave you a whole dollar.

  246. Following the rules*

    I’ve now worked at two different non-profits that give staff free snacks – from the local food pantry. We’re allowed free or super-cheap food because all our clients are poor and ‘nutrition risks’, but it’s ALL supposed to go to the clients. They make us sign a contract agreeing we’ll only use it that way. But both of the executive directors would serve them at meetings, put them out for staff, keep favorite items in their desk, and take some home. One of them would make up snack baskets for off-site meetings to impress people. And I will never forget the day I came in to find one of them peering at a sheet cake through the plastic box. I asked what she was doing and she said ‘I picked this up at the food pantry yesterday, it’s 3 days old but it looks pretty good. I thought it would be nice for the recognition luncheon.” “When’s the recognition luncheon?” “Next week.”

    1. Lady Russell's Turban*

      When I volunteered at a church-sponsored food pantry, we called the non-wholesome or exotic (or expired!) food “junk for Jesus.” One volunteer even wrote a very funny song about it.

  247. Katie*

    At the end of a grueling year in our library where pretty much everyone was overworked, our administration gave everyone an envelope at Christmas….it was extra copies of our recent fundraising campaign flyer, asking us to donate money. They had extras lying around, so they thought it would be nice to pass them along to the staff as a “gift.” This was years ago and even though our admin team has almost completely turned over by this point, I’m still bitter.

  248. Vendelle*

    One Christmas, my employer gave me a voucher for an online shop, which wasn’t bad imho. What DID hurt was that the voucher was clearly sent to her as a gift for her, and it came with the message of “I got this voucher, but don’t like it, so you can have it.” The kicker at the end was, that I couldn’t use it. Why? Because she had already spent it on something…

    1. No Tribble At All*

      Boooooooooooo!! If you’re regifting, at least try to hide that! And give an /actual/ gift!

  249. Colleen*

    This is a birthday thing. I had worked at my company for less than a year and my birthday was coming up. I asked my boss not to make a deal out of it and he agreed. However, his boss found out about my birthday and she did not agree. Nope. Not one little bit.

    This is how, on my birthday, I found myself in a conference room with other training attendees lining up by birthdate (an icebreaker that no one else had ever heard of) just so that my grandboss could have the delight of hearing me say that, in fact, today is my birthday, and, yes, how coincidental is that? Then I had to deal with a group of 50 people wishing me happy birthday all day.

    I seriously considered lying and saying my birthday was in an entirely different month, but it was so obvious what she was doing, that I know she would have called me out. Still the worst birthday I have ever had at work. (And, after all that, no cake or anything!)

    1. laylaaaaaaaah*

      Wow! You’d think if she was going that out of her way to acknowledge it, there’d at least be cake? I was expecting a full-on surprise party from that.

  250. No Tribble At All*

    Example of bad appreciation: I work in operations (shift environment, there’s always someone there 24/7, so perks are Very Important to keeping us happy). There’s another team in a different department that also works shift. The new manager won’t give the team leads any budget for teambuilding/appreciation because he’s afraid he couldn’t justify the budget if we got audited. Apparently “morale” isn’t a justifiable budget item! People are dropping like flies.

    Example of good appreciation: One Saturday morning, we had a pretty severe anomaly that had the potential to derail everything and affect all customers. Since I was the one on shift, I ended up on point doing the planning & response to the anomaly. It was a big, exciting challenge, and I cut our outage time from 20 minutes if we went by the book to 2 minutes. The next week, Boss comes into the ops floor, thanks everyone for their response to the anomaly, and especially calls me out by name. “We don’t say good job around here often enough, and you did a great job.” He gave me a handwritten thank you note with a $100 restaurant gift card. :’) I would fight a hundred horse-sized ducks for that man.

  251. chi type*

    At my org you get a nice little pin for 10 years of service. For 20 years you get…the exact same pin! In case you lost the first one??

  252. laylaaaaaaaah*

    My previous regional manager had three local managers working under her- my boss, another guy, and her husband. For the RM’s birthday, we all went over to her office, made her an elaborate cake, had a themed birthday celebration sales day, etc. Which was great! But she then decided we had to do it all over again for her husband, who most of us didn’t work for, and who anyone not working for him barely saw.

    When my manager raised concerns (this would have required up to a 4-hour round trip, and been very expensive at a time when we weren’t making much of a profit), she spent the rest of the day trying to call him up and scream at him, until 9 o’clock that night. On his birthday, shortly afterwards, she completely froze him out and got all the other teams to ignore him, too (and I mean, got them all to /literally turn the other way/ when he came into a room, they wouldn’t sing happy birthday or acknowledge it was his birthday at all except to grab pieces of his cake).

    A few weeks later, she miraculously discovered that he’d been fudging some of the numbers, and got him to resign.

  253. Needs a new username*

    At Toxicjob, I was the sixth manager in 12 months and the most senior person on-site. The manager before me was walked out due to fraud and was lucky not to be charged. Traditionally, farewell parties were a company paid cake with a nice card presented over morning tea, usually followed by a party where you’d pay for your own meals.

    Walked-out-manager was no different in terms of the party, which was followed up by the creation of a display on the staff room notice board with party photos surrounding a banner reading, “We’ll miss you, Managername!” Said banner was immediately decorated with comments about how she was the best boss ever and they loved her the most, yadda yadda. I assumed it was for a to gift to her, but no, right there on the notice board over the legally required displays about workers comp and such. I was, of course, the absolute devil when I took it down.

    Christmas rolls around and I’m told there will be no gifts this year, so I bought each of the staff a small potted plant, of about $10 each. 25 staff, $250, and I’m a single parent. They knew I’d paid for them because one had commented on what a crap present it was to my manager when she visited.

    Christmas number two, and I bought them premade Christmas gift baskets, worth $15. Repeat, and this time I got in trouble from my new manager for buying them anything.

    I left six months later.

    They had a farewell party, but didn’t invite me. They did, however, text me photos of the night, including one staff member with “F**k off” painted on her belly.

    I don’t buy gifts anymore.

  254. Former Server*

    I used to work at hip pizza restaurant as a server. The restaurant had recently expanded both in size and in locations, and we were understaffed. Myself and a handful of other servers, managers, and kitchen staff pulled 50+ hour weeks, doubles all throughout the weekends. The town had a big music festival and since the location I worked in was downtown, we expanded our hours and were open till 1 am every night (typically closed at 9 or 10). After busting through double after double and cleaning into the wee hours of the morning, we finally made it through. Only to learn that the employees at the not-downtown location were all given free passes and time off to go to the music festival. Us? Just a, ‘thanks, we’ve decided to start opening at 7:30 am on Sat/Sun for brunch. Downtown only.’

  255. KB*

    I haven’t gone through the comments of this so perhaps others have suggested it (apologies if so!) but could we also have a thread about times workplaces have given meaningful, thoughtful recognition?

    My workplace recently had a huge multi-month project that stretched all of us to the limit and beyond. We were expecting to get a token thank-you and maybe a dinner out or something, but instead they recognised how difficult it had been for us and closed the workplace, giving us all a week’s paid leave on top of our usual leave entitlements. Now that was massively appreciated!

  256. UK Civil Servant*

    A while ago I finished a successful multi-year £500k project (which in turn influenced the spend of £500million of public money) which I led from start to finish and received praise and thanks from all my team and from my bosses. My official reward was a £50 gift voucher.
    Gotta love the civil service.

  257. Staja*

    A little late to the party, but at OldToxicJob, I ran our Pricing/Contracts/Bids department (of 1…, hence old job). The biggest recognition fail would be when our monthly newsletter congratulated individual salespeople for winning bids that they never even knew I had worked on and sent in. “Well, Staja did all the research, work, and put in the time, but the client is in Fergus’ territory, so he’ll earn commission off it”.

    New job takes much, much better care of employees. Not my dream career, but I’ll take regular catered lunches, understanding managers when you’re sick, and real employee engagement any day.

  258. Imaginary Number*

    I was deployed to Iraq with my battalion for a 15-month deployment. At the end of deployments nearly everyone gets awards unless they’re in trouble for something. It’s standard. The level of award generally increases with rank but sometimes junior Soldiers can get higher awards depending on what they did (this is separate from awards for valor in combat.)

    Our Brigade commander rejected almost every single award for the junior elisted and junior officers because “they were just doing their jobs.” I’m not just talking about downgrading inflated awards. He outright rejected the standard ones.

    For a 15 MONTH deployment in a combat zone for Soldiers who were outside the wire every day. It was a huge slap in the face considering the way these awards traditionally work.

    My battalion commander ended up going around him and sent every award up to the division commanding general, who signed every award himself. So, it got taken care of. But not before everyone had learned what had gone down.

    1. UK Civil Servant*

      I’m thinking Brigade Commander might have (proverbially) shot himself in the foot if his senior officer 1) knows what went down and 2) had to correct it. Most of the good military officers I know take recognition and care of their people VERY seriously.

      1. Imaginary Number*

        It was my dream that the CG rejected the Brigade Commander’s end-of-tour award using the phrase “he was just doing his job.” But I don’t think it was the same Division when the Brigade left Iraq.

      2. Imaginary Number*

        But I think it made a statement that the CG didn’t just tell him to approve the awards. He made a point of signing them all himself instead, which to me says a lot. It screams “if you aren’t willing to do your job, then I will for you even if it means a 2-star signing ARCOMs.”

        1. UK Civil Servant*

          Yes, also the CG could then have refused the BrigC’s award because he *didn’t* do his job. ;)

  259. EvilQueenRegina*

    There was a suggestion for me of a leaving lunch I couldn’t easily get to – when I got redeployed in a restructure, the move happened faster than I had expected (the mishandling of that’s a whole post in itself) so I didn’t have time to plan a goodbye, then on the first day of my new role we found out that a former coworker had died so it didn’t feel like an appropriate time to bring it up.

    Maleficent and Cruella (of the “bouquet of weeds” comment upthread), and Ursula the temp, were all finishing shortly after me, and Maleficent had contacted me about arranging a shared goodbye buffet lunch at Exjob. The problem was that the location of Exjob, and travelling time it would have taken to get there from New Job, meant that I’d really only be able to attend for about 10 minutes so it wasn’t much of a leaving lunch for me. I explained that to Maleficent but said that with enough notice of a date, I could look at taking some time off so that I could more easily attend. She responded to that by cancelling the plan for a lunch and arranged a goodbye night out for herself, Cruella and Ursula which I only found out about the day after it happened when someone casually mentioned it.

  260. Betty*

    I worked in a small office as an admin temp full time for three months then part time for a further three months. I was super-efficient and didn’t get into any drama, but I was just a temp so on my last day I was hoping for a cake (because…cake!) but no biggie if nothing happened. I got a cake AND a card AND a set of plug plants that were really thoughtful and personal because I especially love them and the senior admin and I had talked gardening a lot. I was kind of embarrassed, despite being on the ‘good’ end of uneven recognition, because I doubted the lady coming up to retirement who had worked there for DECADES was going to get anything as thoughtful and personal.

  261. Tanith*

    At old company I had a long weekend vacation where everything that could happen, happened. It was my birthday on the Friday, I got engaged on the Saturday, then my Gran died on the Sunday. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions.
    I wasn’t sure really what to expect, but I got nothing from my colleagues. This was a firm where there was ALWAYS a birthday card whether the team member was on vacation or not, and cards for most other occasions.
    I also got offered a new job the same weekend. Guess what helped me decide to move!

  262. KikiD*

    At my first military command, I co-chaired the Navy Ball committee and emceed the event. I was a junior enlisted person at the time; chairpersons are generally senior officers. My co-chair didn’t want the job, but was appointed by the commanding officer and had no choice. She let me and a civilian volunteer organize everything and everyone, and when asked, she signed papers and made phonecalls. At the ball, I introduced the commanding officer and he gave a speech thanking my co-chair and the civilian volunteer who worked with me. After leaving the podium, he stopped to let me know that he had purposely not thanked me in his speech…because I was enlisted, not an officer. There was something else about all my hard work, but honestly, my brain had stopped working.

    1. BananaRama*

      yeah the military is petty like that. I deployed to a combat zone and due to manning issues ended up being the non-commissioned officer in charge of a team of six, including folks that actually did outrank me. I didn’t rate a medal when I came back because “those are for people of higher rank.” Not, mind you, for people who did their job better or were more meritoriously deserving, but just a higher rank than I currently was.

  263. LizM*

    My sister and her husband are Jewish and vegan. A few years ago, her company stopped giving end of year bonuses and instead now alternates between frozen turkeys and honey baked hams, always given right before Christmas, with a note about Christmas dinner.

  264. Preggers*

    Not so much the gift but the timing. I worked for a company that I busted my butt at for years. I stayed extremely late, worked almost every weekend for no recognition. Our employee of the quarter program was a pretty big deal with a significant bonus. Every quarter it would go to one of their favorites. Then I finally got employee of the quarter when I was about 9 months pregnant. For a quarter I missed 50% of due to hospitalization. The 50% I was there I did little to no work because I shouldn’t have been at work but they wouldn’t approve my medical leave. I think they just wanted to bribe me to return from maternity leave. Which I did do. But I continued to put in about 50% of the effort and got more recognition than I had in the years of busting my butt.

  265. Casual Fribsday*

    My first year in the job, I received flowers and a Barnes and Noble gift card for admin. assistant day. It was “anonymous” but I knew who was responsible on behalf of our organization’s version of HR. So I went to the bookstore to buy a fun, silly book, and the the gift card was empty. The cashier definitely thought I was trying to pull some sort of scam, probably confirmed in her mind by the fact that I eventually decided not to buy the book (I didn’t want to use my own money for that!). And she wouldn’t give the gift card back, so now I have no proof that it ever happened and no one to tell about it. (This is actually the first time I’ve told this story to anyone.)

  266. Miss Vanjie*

    After I got a new job, my work had a going away “party” that included giving me expired MREs, bottled water, and other useless things. This was a tradition of a sorts apparently.

  267. biff welly*

    Context: I don’t like chocolate. It’s not a big deal, I’m not allergic, it’s just a flavor I don’t like. I don’t advertise it or shout it from the roofs, but if we’ve spent time together, like in an office setting, you would know this fact about me.

    Cut to: last day at job I was leaving (with appropriate notice) because it was so bad, just a bad culture and personally demotivating. But as a trainer I knew most of the folks etc. and they decided to get a cake for me (and the team) for my last day. Two full size sheet cakes, both chocolate. Perfect!

  268. Traveling Nerd*

    At a previous job, a large project was led by a team at Headquarters, but all of the physical work was done at my location. We worked late nights and all weekend for several weeks to get this done. A few months later, the HQ employees got a very large stock bonus (6 figures). All of us who did the implementation got to share one cheap gift basket.

  269. smush*

    Oh gosh, one of my former bosses was terrible at uneven recognition. It was a small organization and the three longest-tenured employees happened to be men, and the rest were younger women, myself among them. The men were typically paired up on the bigger, higher-visibility projects—which tended to make sense, as they had usually worked with the clients the longest—and the women tended to get smaller “grunt-work” type projects. The real disparity happened when time and again, our boss only ever handed out accolades for those projects he considered to be higher-profile (again, usually only the men had worked on these) and ignored the consistent quality with which the women were churning out their projects. The projects may have carried a little less glory, but we always got glowing reviews from our clients, turned things around quickly, and generally had much smoother workflows. This all went largely ignored outside of the women giving each other shout-outs and kudos during our weekly company meetings: until one day, it was decided we weren’t doing shout-outs during meetings anymore! Most of those women have now left the organization, and I still sometimes wonder if our former boss ever noticed a pattern there.

  270. Pam Poovey*

    I’ve been at my company for 20 years. We have less than 15 employees that have been here longer in a company of over 1000. It’s common knowledge that you get a gift, small party and cake at your 25th year. The executive assistant of the founder ( a dear friend of mine) started 3 months after me. Her boss who is one of the founders wanted to celebrate her milestone and ordered a party where I ended up awkwardly helping with the set up. At the party where she was presented with a bracelet from Tiffany’s along with cake and card, we talked about how long we’ve been with the company. It got even more awkward when I mentioned I had been there 20 years and three months and everyone but the oblivious founder realized there had been no celebration for me. I stuck it out for my friend (she deserves the recognition) but got out of there as early as I could.

  271. ohno*

    Oh my gosh. In high school, I worked in a supermarket as a cashier. One evening, I arrived at a busy time and jumped in to help with bagging until I could be assigned a register. Instead, I was asked to report to the restroom and help clean up what can only be described as a fecal nightmare. Human waste was everywhere except in the toilet. It was the grossest. My skin was crawling the entire night and even after washing my hands and arms repeatedly, I wore rubber gloves all night to avoid contaminating anyone’s food. I’ve never been more miserable. I was given two $1 coupons as thanks. A few weeks later, a customer yelled at my colleague for being insufficiently chipper, and management gave her five $1 coupons as a consolation. I love that friend dearly but I’m still salty about it.

  272. Liz*

    My mother was Black, and a devout Catholic. One Christmas, her employer gave her a gift certificate to a tanning salon as a gift. Another year, she got a deck of tarot cards.

  273. Nicole*

    Not work-related, but when I graduated high school my mother’s cousin, who gave her nephew (who graduated with me) a brand new luxury watch, gifted me a glass paperweight of the city of Boston. We didn’t live in Boston, and I wasn’t going to college in Boston.

  274. el_g*

    My company was winding down from a very demanding year in which my department really went above and beyond to make some miracles happen. The morning before our departments holiday party my boss (the director of our small department of 6 people) gave each of us the same wrapped present with a note about “tying one on” at the party. She was practically giddy when we opened them to find a package of assorted zip ties. I can’t wait to get out of there.

  275. Anxa*

    I know I’m late to this, but this summer, at age 31, I worked a seasonal, full-time temp position in a county government. I was the oldest in my cohort, most of whom were college students with family connections. I was well-qualified for the position and was the only one interested in making it a career (some things have changed since then, basically I worked for years trying to break into this field, and only was offered a real position after I had made some commitments to a change in direction).

    Anyway, we were ‘the interns.’ It wasn’t really an internship. The staff was actually really nice about it. We had 2 intern appreciation lunches. But it did feel a little strange to be celebrated as an intern or young professional.I mean, experience-wise I was on the same level. And I was entry-level and temp. And I DO look young sometimes (I’m having some anxiety over tax issues right now in part because I didn’t think I was eligible for health insurance as soon as I was because it was assumed I was on my parents, which is annoying because unlike my coworkers, my parents weren’t employed in the type of jobs that had health insurance). But it was a little awkward at times. Almost embarrassing. But that’s more of an issue with my shame issues over my lack of professional success than any appreciation events. I just felt uncomfortable having to assert that I already had my degree and wasn’t in school and so on.

  276. Bob*

    I worked at a hotel reservation call center. After the very busy holiday season, they gave us a gift to recognize our hard work. It was a small mirror with the company logo at the bottom – it was suggested that we hang them up in our cubes to remind us to smile during our calls because it would make the tone of our voices friendlier.

  277. Ashley*

    I worked at a bank, and after a few years, got promoted to another department. Right before this happened, another employee, who had only been there maybe a year, decided to leave the company. She got a beautiful, expensive camera bag stuffed with goodies because she “wanted to get into photography.” (She never did). When I left for the other department, I got a dollar store mug with cheap, disgusting chocolate. It was also dusty. I knew because I saw it at the dollar store a few weeks later.

    Thanks, guys. That was a toxic company.

  278. adriana*

    Our company changed to just buying one grocery store cake per month for employees’ birthdays. During my birthday month (plus three other coworker birthdays), they bought some sort of strawberry cake which was not thawed out all of the way. Additionally, the boss’ were leaving the night before “cake celebration day” on a business trip. The boss’ didn’t think that they should miss out on the cake so they helped themselves to half of it the day prior. Wahoo for half of a half-thawed cake to share with three other coworkers plus an entire office! Very celebratory, indeed!

  279. Anlina*

    I was working in the call centre at a company, with the usual call centre issues of high turnover, low morale, stressful work and low pay, plus problems with sexual harassment and scheduling/public transportation issues (the bus only went out there a few times a day – you could either be late for your shift or several hours early.) Things were not happy.

    The company had an exceptionally good year, a billion dollar year, so they decided to celebrate by giving all of the call centre employees a gift. Share in the good fortune and recognize everyone’s hard work and contribution, right?

    A bonus or a gift card would have been awesome, even a catered lunch or getting to leave early would have made everyone happy. But no, they gave everyone a pen and a stress ball with, “Thanks a billion!” printed on them.

    I would have only been slightly more offended if the stress ball had just said “F*** you!” instead.

  280. AnonyMouse*

    Recognition really does speak to the culture of an office! It doesn’t need to be anything fancy, but you can tell the difference between genuine recognition and the kind that’s not so much… I’ve experienced both really good recognition and really poor recognition. Some stories that stand out:

    1) One of the first internships I had after graduating gave all the interns a printed sheet of paper that all the staff signed. A bunch of staff were out of the office toward the end of that week, so it was really easy to tell when my boss put these together based on who didn’t sign the paper (hint: it was likely either the afternoon before my last day or that day). Not the worst I’ve experienced by far though…
    2) I temped for two months in an office, but on my last day they held a lunch for me, gave me a card (that everyone signed, even people I barely worked with), and a $20 Starbucks gift card! This was probably among the most genuine recognition I’ve ever received.
    3) My graduate assistantship still ranks as probably the worst with recognition. Myself and one other graduate assistant ended up having to drop everything one day because two other full time staff members called out the day of a major event. This day was spent by the both of us getting yelled at by our extremely disorganized director who basically prepared nothing in advance. How we were recognized for our efforts in the post event, staff wide thank you email? We weren’t! The email was written by my director, and it was all about her! When I graduated, I was given a very basic gift (a note pad and a little figurine from the institution) and the new director basically said “we know you didn’t like working here, but thanks for sticking with us.” I had been there two years.

    So again, based on my experiences it doesn’t matter how long you work somewhere, what it is you do, etc. Some places are just awful with recognition, and it usually speaks to the office culture and/or quality of leadership from the manager.

  281. Lala*

    At my first “real” job, working for a textbook/university fan stuff store, the owners kept telling us that our bonus depended on how well the store did that football season (since most of the $$ came in on game days), and how if the team won the big rivalry game at the end of the season, those of us who came in post-game and stayed late would get a really great bonus.

    I worked there 6 days a week, and stayed late on game days because my job was in the office(though we all worked the floor on game days, too)–the only game day I took off was my actual birthday (and we were all allowed only *one* game day off). I was there past midnight the day of the big rivalry game (which our university did win)–the only other people who stayed that late were the owners and my boss.

    My “great bonus” that I got two weeks later? A $25 gift card *to the store I was working in*. Which included a note that employee discounts could not be applied if using the gift card. I was beyond pissed.

    Same place, 5 months later, my boss tried to tell me I couldn’t take an afternoon off to see my brother graduate from high school. I quit, and found another, better-paying job within the week that happily let me have the whole day off for my bro’s graduation.

  282. Noah*

    I never understood the desire to receive gifts for doing your job. If I feel i went above and beyond, I hope to be compensated in money. I find an apple watch just as insulting as a mug. Pay me a bonus. If I want to use that money to buy an Apple Watch, I will. Why do you insist I spend the $500 on the stupid watch?

  283. Lightning*

    I’ve worked at my organization for ~3.5 years.

    I had to miss a week of work to travel across the country to be with my grandfather as he was dying from leukemia. He died two weeks after my visit, so it was good I went when I did.

    A few days after I returned, I was given a card to sign… thanking the man who always brought in donuts and bananas for breakfast every morning. I never did get a card or anything other than an “Oh, sorry to hear that.” I know that other coworkers have received cards for family members that have died though (I’ve signed them).

    Not getting anything wouldn’t have been so bad—no one owes me anything—but not recognizing the death of my loved one while simultaneously giving a card to banana guy?

    I’m not sure if my coworkers hate me, or if it was an oversight on their part. But I definitely learned a lesson for the future: If any of my coworkers lose a loved one, I’ll buy them a card. The gesture is important.

  284. seira*

    One coworker who loved to bake and was an aspiring pastry chef on the side volunteered to take over as the birthday planner. In her first month on the job, she baked delicious vanilla bean cupcakes from scratch for a coworker who happened to be someone she was close to. The next month was my turn, and I had been asked what my favorite cake flavor was. I answered red velvet, expecting that’s what I would get (especially since she’d sounded excited to bake everyone something for their birthday each month). What I didn’t know was that said coworker secretly hated me (I had NO idea) and had been trash talking me as often as possible, especially with the vanilla bean cupcake recipient. The day of the party, I went down to the conference room to find a couple containers of cheap grocery store chocolate cupcakes. My least favorite flavor…

    She tried to justify it later by saying that there’s cocoa powder in red velvet cake, which is certainly true, but the flavor is still different… and that doesn’t change the fact that she very, very obviously worked really hard to make something nice for her friend and skimped on it when it was my turn because she didn’t like me, even though this was a task she had volunteered to take and it was supposed to be fair to all.

  285. lindak*

    I worked for a company for 10 years or so in different positions. In my last position, i had a boss that was inflexible, unhelpful and favored another manager in a linear position to mine to the point where she would ‘borrow’ my staff – leaving me to struggle with meeting deadlines. Then she’d file a reprimand letter in my ‘file’. I finally gave her my resignation letter the day before she left for a 3 week business trip. She didn’t ask why or anything – just asked what i was going to do – I mentioned things like get 8 hours of sleep, not work 15 hour days and get a life. My last day was a day or two after she returned.
    She told my employees that there would be a cake etc. but no gifts. My current employees and the employees working for the other linear manager – felt this was unacceptable. They pitched in their own money and bought me a beautiful watch, it wasn’t cheap either. The linear manager didn’t pitch in.
    I was so touched – and learned a huge lesson – treat people well and they’ll respond to you, treat them like dirt and they’ll resign!

  286. Dawn*

    I used to teach at a “nonpublic” school–a private school where tuition is paid by public school districts to educate the kids they don’t want–that charged a base tuition of $70k per student. For Teacher Appreciation Day one year, we were taken to lunch and given the choice of 1) a half-sandwich and cup of soup or 2) sharing an entree with another teacher.

    I was also a vegetarian at the time, and even though there were only eleven teachers at the school, they managed to choose a place every year that had nothing I could eat. Finally, the year after the above fiasco and after again finding a menu in my mailbox with nothing I could eat, I refused to go and took myself to a nearby Indian buffet for lunch. My principal, to his credit, did give me ten bucks out of his own pocket toward my lunch.

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