what’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you at work?

by Alison Green on April 18, 2019

The comments on last week’s letter from the person who had wet her pants at work were full of  hundreds of stories from people who’d had similar things happen to them. I had no idea that stories of people crapping their pants could be so heart-warming, but they were.

So, I pose you this question: What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you at work? Please share in the comments.

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{ 1,386 comments }

{ 1,386 comments… read them below }

  1. LoverofCats*

    When I first started my job, I never knew that direct reports were called direct reports. I had a boss who liked updates sent at the end of every week and the way he worded the instructions, I thought the update was a called a “direct report” so for months I sent “Hey Bob, here’s my direct report…”

    It’s not too terrible, but I still cringe years later.

    1. Busy*

      Aww that made laugh. I was once really confused about the words “widgets” for awhile. I feel you.

      1. AnnaBananna*

        If it makes you feel any better, I only know widgets from a WordPress context, so if someone brought it up in an unrelated conversation, it would go right over my head.

    4. Quiltrrrr*

      I did the same sort of thing when our company merged with another, and then we all started getting called ‘associates’. Our manager would reference ‘my associates’. We looked up the word to figure out what exactly that meant, and one of the definitions was ‘bedfellow’. We got a good laugh out of that one!

    5. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      Awwww haha, I can see how that happens.

      I have never in my life heard the term “direct report” until I started reading this blog. So if someone threw out that jargon at me in an office setting prior to that, I’d assume the same as you did.

      1. Raven*

        Same! Alison should consider publishing a glossary of terms like that for people who are new to the workforce and/or in fields that don’t always have office-y terms like that.

          1. Indirect*

            Thirded, because until I started reading Ask A Manager, I also had never heard this term…and I’ve been in the workforce since the 1970s. Surely, there are many others. The Alison Glossary: I’d buy that.

            1. Anita Brayke*

              I know, Alison, that you’ve been busy and just ended the webcast so you can have a personal life again. I just wonder, and can’t help asking…would it be feasible to start a website or list of “Ask a Manager-approved” workplaces? You could set standards that employers can choose to meet and then the employers can list jobs at places that employees know are good places to work?

      2. Richard Williams*

        we’ll need a chart for direct vs. indirect reports. it’s sort of obvious, but kind of not.

    7. Just Another Manic Millie*

      It appears that Bob never corrected you, so I guess he knew what you meant. Please stop cringing.

    8. New Job So Much Better*

      Cute! Years ago I worked at JC Penney and had to ask where employee bathrooms were… all I kept seeing were the restrooms marked “Associates Only.” Little did I know employees were associates….

    9. Eleanor Shellstrop*

      This is why we need some kind of glossary when starting a job for the first time! Just learned what “RFP” means this week, only AFTER I told my grand-boss that someone was on the phone for him about the “RFP for the proposal” *cringe*

      1. Indigo a la mode*

        On that note, I can’t tell you how much of a pet peeve it is for me when people in my office refer to “writing an RFP” or “submitting an RFP.” YOU, sir, are submitting a PROPOSAL, in response to a REQUEST FOR PROPOSAL.

        1. JuliaPancakes*

          Indigo a la mode: Based on just this comment, can I just request that we become best friends? I love this.

          1. VonSchmidt*

            I overheard an employee asking a vendor for a price check instead of a quote. He says he didn’t request a quote because we were not ready to buy it yet. Had to explain that a quote is a “price check”. He had no idea!

        2. TacocaT*

          Indigo, I also hate “writing an RFP” but only because to me it should be “writing a RFP”…which is actually what I do! I am a buyer, so it’s OK for me to say that because I do really write those buggers! And IFB (Invitation for Bids). And sole source procurements. And proprietary procurements. And goods. And non-professional services. And professional services. And construction. Lol…the list goes on :)

          1. ChimericalOne*

            It depends on whether you’re saying the acronym in your head or the full phrase (or, in some cases, turning the acronym into its own word, like everyone does with FEMA). There are soooo many acronyms where you just have to pick one. It’s an eternal struggle, IMO!

            (For anyone for whom it’s too early in the morning to brain: If people are saying “ar-ef-pee” (RFP), it needs “an” in front of it. If people are saying “request for proposal” (RFP) it needs “a.” If people say both, well, you’re screwed.)

          2. Richard Williams*

            I have an RFI out on that, we’ll see if there’s a CO or an IB.
            lord try working for a firm that does most of their work for the Feds. total alphabet soup city. had a dang sharp boss once, who despite 20+ years in the DC real estate market, admitted she had no idea what all this stood for (we were on the AEC side, she came from the developer side).

    10. AnnaBananna*

      I did the same thing with ‘dotted line report’, as in an org chart. It took me until I was literally looking at an org chart weeks later to go ‘ahhhh, dotted line report’. I felt ridiculously inexperienced professionally but this was actually 10 yrs into my career. Sad but true.

      1. Anon and on and on*

        I did this a couple years ago!

        Boss: Person A will have a dotted line report to person B
        Me: what’s a dotted line report?
        Boss: *shows org chart with a literal dotted line*
        Me: *doesn’t get it* but what does that mean?

        For the record, I still don’t get what it means. Like, the line could be purple, and they’d be a purple line report, but what, in actuality, does that *mean*

        1. Dani*

          My understanding is that a dotted line report is someone who is below you in the org chart that you do some day-to-day management of, but who is not formally assigned to you as a direct report (they have another, formal manager).

        2. tamarack and fireweed*

          It’s not like purple line in that the dotted line is a metaphor for what it means: a dotted line is less substantial than a solid line (graphically speaking), and similarly a dotted-line reporting relationship is secondary to your main, “solid line” relationship to your boss or direct report. For example, frequently people who are assigned to project teams have a manager who might manage everyone with the same job title (say, all graphic designers, all fiscal officers etc.). But if these people actually carry out their work in a team in which there is a mix of job titles (say, two engineers, an assistant, a fiscal officer, a graphic designer, a project manager etc.) then the employee may have a dotted-line reporting relationship to whoever manages this team.

          1. BekaAnne*

            Right, there’s one in my org for me.

            I am line managed by C who does all my line management stuff – leave approval, personal development, appraisals, etc. But because we work in a client alignment kind of way, I have a dotted line to another manager who manages the account. P assigns me work and I work with him to manage the account. C also assigns me work unrelated to the client that I work with. P consults with C to inform my appraisal score but the final decision is C’s.

            1. Richard Williams*

              wow Beka, do C and P ever get cranky? I was in that once, technically my manager was in another office but my superior (not my supervisor) was in mine and it got very awkward a few times as my closest one (who everyone thought was a PITA) was very territorial.

    11. BigBirdHR*

      Was in a new role, and had to lead my first call with the executives (CEO, SVPs, etc).

      I was working from home, and a little anxious/nervous, so I had jumped right out of bed and got straight to work so I was extra-prepared —messy hair, face shiny with nighttime skin products, and no bra.

      I start the call, feeling pretty confident. I got about five sentences out before the CEO awkwardly clears his throat and says, “hey, um…you know we can see you, right?”

      My first reflex was to dive to the side of my computer and under my desk, which is exactly what I did—letting out a half-squawk in the meantime. I fumbled for the mouse above my head to try and turn off the camera, and they were trying so hard not to laugh (but still did). Once it was off I got back up and calmly said, “oh, sorry, no I did not realize that!”

      I Immediately put a post-it over my camera and forgot to click “no video” again.

  2. ZSD*

    A doctor put me on oral antibiotics that it turned out I was allergic to. I threw up in a trash can at work, and my grand-boss drove me to the doctor. She offered to stay with me, but I insisted I would just take a cab home.
    This was only about two months into my tenure there.

    1. ZSD*

      I should say that this is the most embarrassing event that was somewhat out of my control. I’m sure I’ve put my foot in my mouth and been more embarrassed plenty of times.

    2. Matilda Jefferies*

      I discovered by accident that you cannot mix antidepressants and sinus medication. Or, I can’t, anyway. I started a new antidepressant, then a few weeks later when ragweed season kicked in I took my usual antihistamine + sinus without thinking about it. Next thing I knew I was unfocused, and giggly, and yep…high at work.

      Fortunately, there’s a pharmacy nearby, so I went over and asked the pharmacist what was going on – he was the one who told me about the sinus meds. So I giggled my way back to work, because EVERYTHING IS HILARIOUS, obviously, and told my manager I should probably go home for the day. She wasn’t nearly as amused as I was, but she did agree that we would probably all be better off if I wasn’t there. Lesson learned!

      1. Bunny Girl*

        I love finding out medication side effects. I have one allergy medication that I take on a daily basis during the times of the year when my allergies are normally acting up, and then I have one that I take when I just need relief right then. I can only take the second one for about 2-3 days at the very most before I start having hallucinations about spiders. Which is so weird. Thankfully it’s never caused me any grief at work but my boyfriend didn’t appreciate us tearing the bedroom apart to find a large spider that wasn’t there at 1 in the morning (This was before I made the connection).

        2. Works in IT*

          You mean waking up in the middle of the night panicking about things on my pillow is actually normal and a possible medication side effect?

          1. Yepyep*

            It is 100% a possible medication side effect! I’m on an anti-anxiety medication that revs up the part of the brain that spots patterns. Even at a normal dosage, I can often “hear” faint music or voices in white noise, and at night, shadows resolve themselves into creepy stuff if I look at them too long.

            Shortly after I started taking it, I accidentally doubled my dose for about a week, and then I was getting full-on spiders-in-the-bed hallucinations at night! Fun times.

            1. Sylvan*

              What!! That happened to me while trying different medications and I assumed it was an anxiety disorder symptom. Woah.

            2. Red Sky*

              I can often “hear” faint music or voices in white noise Wait, this is a normal thing? I hear symphonies in white noise (especially our hvac system at night) and the one time I’ve mentioned it to someone other than my husband I just got a weird look, and decided to never speak of it again. I haven’t noticed a pattern of being on medication when it occurs tho.

              1. PugLife*

                Wait, this happens to me, has been for years, since I was a kid — never been on any kind of long-term medication (except for birth control pills, but hearing classical music from the far-off ether predates that by half a decade at least).

                1. Me Too*

                  Me, too! Mainly when I was a kid. I couldn’t understand how I could hear nonexistent music that I’d never heard before.

                2. Mary Connell*

                  All these comments about hearing music. Looked down the discussion and don’t see that anyone mentioned the work of Oliver Sacks. See, in particular, his book Musicophilia. Although I haven’t read it myself, he also wrote one called Hallucinations. Fascinating, fascinating author.

              3. The New Wanderer*

                Whoa, I always thought hearing other sounds (tones, usually a repeating pattern) was something specific to the white noise machine I use. It might still be, I guess I can’t prove it one way or another since I’m not on any meds other than long-term BC, but I’ve been prone to seeing/hearing patterns in things since forever.

                1. Seeking Second Childhood*

                  The repeating tones thing could be early warning signs of tinnitus …. read up, for me it’s the reason I can’t use white noise.

                2. Barefoot Librarian*

                  I run 3D printers at home all the time and I swear I hear music in the noise they make. I’m not on meds at all so I can’t blame it on medication induced auditory hallucinations. I think it’s that the printer sounds very musical lol.

              4. Erika Nagainis*

                Yup, it’s a form of auditory hallucination , because boy oh boy you need something else to fret about with an anxiety disorder ;) (it scared the poop out of me)

              5. Pipe Organ Guy*

                Very, very, very faint suggestions of music, but never anything that comes together as a whole. Maybe it’s my brain trying to find a pattern in something completely without pattern. And it happens, when it does, only in very, very quiet conditions with white noise of some sort in the background.

                1. Story Nurse*

                  I sleep with white noise on, and used to startle awake thinking I’d heard either the doorbell or my baby crying. Then I changed my white noise mix, and the new mix didn’t have whatever tone was pinging that part of my brain, so the hallucinations stopped. Eeriest damned thing.

                3. Richard Williams*

                  and they say the best way to get a soundworm of your head is to sing along, belt it out, no hesitation. like a car in snow, turn into the skid.

              7. 30 Years in the Biz*

                This happens to me to! Not on any medications, not even vitamins. Haven’t been diagnosed with anything although a psychologist thought I might have GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) but have been able to cope with it (until I lost my 11 yr job because a new manager didn’t think I was a team player). Am in a very good new job and feeling much better. I can be a bit of a worrier.

              8. Tiny Soprano*

                Wait, what? This happens to other people? I always assumed it was a weird quirk of my musician brain! How cool are brains!

            3. Sneaky Ninja for this one*

              Me, too. Especially at night, if I have one ear in the pillow, I can hear music or people talking in the fan noise. Hey, I’m not weird!

              1. Elizabeth West*

                All I can hear is my heartbeat and it drives me crazy. THUMP-THUMP, THUMP-THUMP, THUMP-THUMP….

                Of course preferable to the alternative. :P

                1. Seeking Second Childhood*

                  I remember having a fever as a child (“frighteningly high” according to my mother) and being convinced that Caspar the Friendly Ghost’s *UN*friendly bad ghost bullies were marching around my house. It was years before I realized I’d been hearing my own heartbeat through the fever headache.

                2. a girl named Bob*

                  Check your blood pressure. It might be high. My mom found out hers was high because she complained about this.

                3. Elizabeth West*

                  @a girl named Bob

                  It’s not; it’s actually pretty good for someone my age. But I’ll remember that, and ask my doctor about it–maybe it’s only at night because of bedtime anxiety?

              2. Nobody Nowhere*

                Me, too, with the people talking. I think one of the cats stepped on the TV remote downstairs.

              3. Mrs. H. Kenway*

                Me too! Music and/or voices, all the time–I also sleep with a fan on for white noise.

            4. Cabbage for a head*

              “Even at a normal dosage, I can often “hear” faint music or voices in white noise”

              OMG, I’m so glad to hear this from someone else! I used to hear old Dick Van Dyke episodes, with laugh track, from my fishtank in another room. I could never make out the voices or the words, but there was the pattern of music, dialogue, laugh that was unmistakable!

              My psychiatrist and I changed my meds but the DVD connection persisted. I wound up having to get rid of the tank to make it go away!

            5. AnnaBananna*

              Benedryl does this to me too. And it lasts all morning when I wake up – but sometimes you can’t help it and need to take it, so….plaid walls and overheard random conversations in the shower? Ihazit.

            6. Skeetpea*

              Thanks, that explains something for me. I’m used to my brain trying to find patterns, and lately it’s worked really hard on mapping songs or voices onto white noise. I already have a hearing loss and tinnitus, so there’s lots of muffled sound for my brain to work on.

              1. Richard Williams*

                Skeetpea: too bad TV’s never go to off the air static, back in my 1980’s stoner days listening to intentional music while looking at an untuned screen amounted to fun on a wednesday night in the small college town I was in.

            7. SeluciaMD*

              I always learn something when I visit AAM! Thank you for explaining a thing I’ve experienced for years that I always assumed was indicative of something was wrong with my brain LOL. (And seeing so many others that have experienced this too is so heartening!) Thanks Yepyep!

          2. Bunny Girl*

            Quite possibly yes! Mine happen the most when I’m just waking up or just falling asleep. I actually came across that little tid-bit of information through some random internet reading for something totally unrelated.

          3. a legit snack*

            Hypnagogic hallucinations! I have narcolepsy and will get them sometimes if i’m too stressed. It usually comes in the form of me jolting awake thinking there’s a spider and I’m completely convinced it’s real until my brain fully wakes up.

            1. FuzzFrogs*

              Woah hey thanks for this comment! Fellow narcoleptic, hadn’t realized this was another symptom. Just last night I woke up sweating because an invisible monster started tickling me in a dream. Took me a while to convince myself that there hadn’t been any real fingers digging into my side.

          4. MsChanandlerBong*

            I take a bunch of meds, and I do some weird stuff at night. Examples:
            * Told my husband there was an elephant in the bedroom.
            * Woke up screaming that there was a rat in the bed.
            * INSISTED that there was a mouse drawing designs on our ceiling with his paw. My husband kept telling me that there was no mouse, but I was adamant. This ended with my husband jumping on the bed and yelling, “THERE’S NO MOUSE! THERE’S NO MOUSE!” at 3:00 in the morning. I was so mad that he didn’t believe me that I was ready to go down to the all-night divorce emporium and break up with him.
            * Woke up, sat straight up in bed, and said “The little boy is looking at me again.” I went back to sleep immediately; my husband was up for hours.
            * Punched my husband and told him that’s what he gets for stealing my Pyrex bowls. (He has never stolen any Pyrex from me, so I don’t know where this came from.)

            When we had a ceiling fan, I also used to wake up screaming that the man was coming for me (the ceiling-fan blades looked like a man with his arms and legs spread, at least in my mind).

            1. Susan*

              I love the image of an all night divorce emporium. The word emporium just makes it all sound so bright and colorful.

            2. Roy G. Biv*

              I have just now learned I am not the only one. I might cry….

              My nighttime waking/dreaming/hallucinating moments have taken years off my partner’s life.

            3. JJ Bittenbinder*

              I kind of love your husband for his tenacity. I’m also trying to imagine the man married to Ms. Chanandler Bong.

            4. AnnaBananna*

              These just made me laugh sooo hard. Thank you. I needed that. (and I’m so sorry about all the meds!)

            6. CatMintCat*

              My mother would do this sort of thing. More than once my father woke up fully to find himself halfway across the house at 3am to realise he’d been sent to answer a phone that wasn’t actually ringing.

              1. CatMintCat*

                I’m sure there were times Dad would have loved the All Night Divorce Emporium, too.

            7. Richard Williams*

              oh MschanandlerBong: you may want to have your meds re-torqued, my dad in his dementia has stuff like that going on (recently it’s the idea that magnets are under the floorboards, in the house he built).

        3. Casual Librarian*

          I had to call in to work for a week because I misread my allergy medication. I thought it was 4 hour, and it was 24. It turns out that when you take 6 times the recommended dosage, you get so drowsy that you can’t physically open your eyes.

        4. Environmental Compliance*

          ……I feel a hella lot better now about the weird dreams and the things I swear I’ve heard after being put on Lexapro and still taking Nasacort.

        5. Steve*

          A colleague of mine had to be taken to the hospital because apparently a very rare side-effect of gout medication is paranoia. Thankfully there was nothing embarrassing about this realization, as we were all supportive and they figured it out pretty quickly.

      2. Antidepressant Mishap*

        OMG, that is hilarious! At least your legs still worked to walk over to the pharmacy! I couldn’t even call Poison Control myself because I couldn’t make it down the stairs to get the bottle.

      3. Yamikuronue*

        oh man, medication screw-ups are great. Just a few weeks ago I had to go to the ER because I was having bizarre muscle spasms — I’d intended to go into work after but they put me on a Benedryl IV so I called off. It was super embarassing for me because, well, I kind of looked like I was… enjoying myself, thanks to the spasms being in my abdomen and making my body jerk in awkward ways.

        Another time I ended up taking my evening pills in the morning by mistake. Could barely keep my eyes open all day, kept nodding off at my desk. The first time that happened I drove myself in, but I don’t drive myself in anymore, so the most recent time I just let the team know “hey, I’m going to be sleepy today, I’ll do my best but please double-check my work, thanks”

      4. LSP*

        I had something similar happen to me after starting a new migraine medication. I stopped sleeping and after about a week of taking the new meds, my boss sent me home because I couldn’t focus on anything and had a high-as-f*** grin on my face that wouldn’t go away. It took two days to get those meds out of my system, and I couldn’t work the whole time I was detoxing. It apparently a really rare response to this medication, but not unheard of.

        1. Amber T*

          Erm… does it happen to be aimovig? I was supposed to start taking that a while ago but I’m terrified of injections (especially the thought of doing it myself). Wanna know if I should look forward to this possible reaction too.

          1. Migraine Mary*

            Aimovig has an auto-injector with a tiny needle that causes temporary minor discomfort. Much less pain than a flu shot for about 15 seconds. The shot can go into a pinch of belly fat—not a vein or muscle injection. The injector pen is pre-dosed (no medication to measure) and is given once a month.

            Sounds like you haven’t given yourself shots before, but for others who might have: the injector is very similar to the Imitrex injector.

        2. Tongue Cluckin' Grammarian*

          I tried Topamax years ago for migraines and the very first day it turned me into a zombie. I could do nothing expect sit at my desk and stare somewhat vacantly. I couldn’t form coherent, cohesive thought patterns or anything. It was terrifying. Luckily, my boss understands migraines (being a sufferer too) and when I mentioned I had tried a new med, she got it immediately and let me just rest until the effects wore off.

          1. CatMintCat*

            My daughter tried Topamax for her migraines a couple of years ago. It turned her into a super depressed zombie who couldn’t get off the lounge. We got rid of that med fast! She’s on something else now that works reasonably well for her.

            1. Grack*

              Topamax turned me so depressed, I also couldn’t get out of bed. It was so immediate and exaggerated, it was almost funny. I’d try to play on my phone and have to stop because Candy Crush was too difficult and made me want to stop living.

              Thankfully I had doctors who pulled me off it fast.

            2. Amber T*

              I was on topomax for a year and it was a slow slide into depression and anxiety. I knew my brain was fuzzy (there was a time I could not add a tip to a bill… could not remember what 7+8 was. Not a brain fart that made me think it was 14 or something, just could not remember how to add). But it took having a massive panic attack over literally nothing to realize, wow, I felt like crap. Talked to my doctor who said it was rare but not unheard of – glad other people share similar stories (and are off of it!).

            3. Crafts*

              She was lucky you noticed right away! I took topamax for a decade (Tate headache disorder) and for the first few years, it was amazing and really helped. And then I got really sick for a few months and everything spiraled out of control from there. I became so depressed that I was suicidal and couldn’t work. Nobody made the connection or mentioned that topamax could cause those symptoms, so I struggled for 4 years, until things got to bad that I couldn’t breathe or stand for more than 5 minutes, I was forgetting things like my address, bones kept breaking for no reason, etc etc. finally, after tests for everything from Lyme disease to hiv to cancer, they figured out it was the topamax. I am so glad they figured it out, but I always tell people to be wary… get informed about side effects and don’t let doctors tell you you’re fine when you know you aren’t.

          2. 1 year until retirement*

            I also took Topamax for migraines. I have never felt so stupid in my life. I could not remember words. Thoughts came and went in mid sentence. I had no clue. True zombie. Hated it. Went back to Dr and had her take me off it. Lost 10 pounds though.

          3. ginger ale for all*

            I tried it too and I freaking loved it. My side effects were having incredibly vivid colorful dreams that were so happy and I could remember them for days afterward. I was in the goal for so many Stanley Cup games! I could smell the popcorn from the crowd. My doctor only gave me a 28 day supply and by the time the script ran out, the problem that it was prescribed for solved itself so no more for me. I also lost weight. I was prescribed it for heavy periods/period migraines and twenty years later, they never came back as bad as they were.

          4. Carpathia*

            Topamax was a wild ride for me.

            I’m a really light sleeper and have problems falling asleep. The first night I took it, I passed out on my boyfriend’s couch and no one could wake me up. The last thing I remembered was sitting on the couch watching TV and then I partially woke up hours later with everyone gone, TV off, dark, and alone on the couch. I must’ve been sleeping or maybe straight up hallucinating but I saw a huge winged deer figure in the living room with me and I couldn’t wake myself up or move away from it. Horrifying.

      5. nonegiven*

        Trazodone gave me the dreams that you have as you’re falling asleep. I’d sit bolt upright a dozen times before falling asleep for the night. It was always the same scary dream, too. It got better but I’ve had the exact same ones after coming out of anesthesia.

        Also, at a higher dose it made things have lines around them when I moved my head or eyes. The doctor told me it slowed how long it takes your eyes to focus. I told someone else that happened to be on the same drug and she said, “oh thank you, I thought I was going crazy.”

        1. AnnaBananna*

          OMFG. I HATE Trazadone! I took it only one time and hate the darkest creepiest most sinnister (and highly vivid) dreams of death and insects. I never dream like that. It’s usually colorful adventure. *shudder*

          If you’re taking it as a sleep med (which I was) you can also ask for Mirtazapine which is super killer. It works in like 15 min, minimum hangover when you start and zero weird dreams. I also take Lexapro and pain meds and I haven’t had any odd side effects from the mix. Just an option. It’s also a tricyc antidep like Traz.

        2. Crafts*

          OMG. Trazadone was a godsend for me, as I’ve slowly turned into a full blown insomniac. I took it for years and was fine, and then I started feeling really bad and like I had to tell my body to breathe because I wasn’t doing it on my own. Scariest thing was when it got really bad (before I made the connection) was one night when I took it and just could not seem to breathe on my own without actively thinking “inhale… exhale”. I passed out but I was afraid I was just going to stop breathing during the night. Woke up the next morning and chucked it.

      6. Cookie Monster*

        Ack, I once took too much cold medicine at work by accident and was certainly high. I called my boss for something unrelated and right then realized why I was feeling so strange-so instead of saying “hey I was calling about the smith account” I blurted, right when he answered the phone “I took too much cold medicine and I am loopy!” and then burst into giggles. He came running to my office with water and stood there and made me drink it while laughing at me.

    3. Mbarr*

      Been there, done that. I accidentally poisoned myself drinking some super-stale water. I got to work then puked all over the floor a couple of hours later.

      The worst part was that I didn’t drive at the time. I had taken a work-run bus to our nuclear power site that was 30 minutes away from my apartment. I had to:
      A) assure people I wasn’t pregnant (they panic about that at nuclear sites)
      B) Get a ride back with my supervisor.

      1. Karen from Finance*

        I hate how often people in general connect vomiting to pregnancy. I blame popular movies.

        1. Mbarr*

          To be fair, pregnancy at a nuclear power plant is a serious thing. You have to fill out forms ASAP, reassigned, etc. so they can make sure you aren’t accidentally exposed to radiation.

          1. Clementine*

            That is interesting about pregnancy at a nuclear power plant. But even the most observant person is not going to know she is pregnant until a couple weeks in, and many people won’t know for 4-6 weeks. Do they have rules for people trying to get pregnant?

            1. Helena*

              It may vary by country or organization, but when I was a radiation worker they left it up to you. If you declared you were pregnant in writing, they would pull you. If you didn’t declare it, you could be in labor and there was nothing the authorities could do to pull you.

              Keep in mind, though, workers at a nuclear power plant are not likely to be exposed to excessive radiation, as it’s well-contained in the reactor unless something goes horribly wrong. X-ray techs and flight attendants probably have higher radiation exposure than nearly all nuclear power plant workers, but those professions aren’t always regulated as official “radiation workers”.

      2. PermAnon*

        I’ve also gotten nauseous and thrown up at work – I was mortified. I threw up in a trash can in a work room and then ran into the bathroom, where I threw up again, got noticed by another lady in the restroom, and of course got asked if I was pregnant (I was not).

        1. Bunny Girl*

          This past winter I got this really bad virus that and then a lingering cough for about 6 weeks after. And I would cough so hard that if I ate more than a tiny portion of food at a time, I would throw up. So I had been really watching what and how much I was eating, but one day I was feeling good so I had an actual breakfast and grabbed a coffee on the way to work. Nope. I had only been at work about 20 minutes before I started really coughing and saw breakfast again.

          1. pagooey*

            Bunny Girl, I’m on about week 4 of what must be the same virus, and am just commiserating. It is THE WORST.

            1. Bunny Girl*

              It is! I swear it took like two months to fully go away and the only thing you can really do is try to have a sense of humor about it. I hope you feel better soon!

        2. Natatat*

          I narrowly missed throwing up on transit after leaving work sick (threw up minutes after getting back to my apartment), and almost fainted walking to my apartment.

          For anyone other car-less people out there, if you’re getting bad stomach issues and/or nausea suddenly, don’t “want and see”, leave asap. With bussing home, you need a big window of time to get home “safely”.
          Learn from my near- miss!

          1. TrainerGirl*

            That is so true! About five years ago, I went to work on the Metro, and start feeling nauseous and “disturbed” in the gastro area. I felt very lucky to make it home. I’m glad that I left when I did. Turned out that I had West Nile virus, and had all sorts of wacky symptoms, 1 or 2 at a time.

        3. Susana*

          Why do people think it’s OK to ask you if you are pregnant? How rude and invasive.

          Also – if it’s too dangerous to be in a nuke plant pregnant, not sure I want to work there *not* pregnant!

          1. Venus*

            I don’t know if you’ll feel better about this, but if anyone is worried about radiation then they shouldn’t fly anywhere in a plane. But the airlines don’t encourage pregnant people to stop flying because they are exposed to radiation…

            I have a cousin who works at a nuclear power plant. When asked how he handles the radiation exposure, he explains that he has a long-distance relationship, and the effect from visiting his partner is worse than what he gets at work. It also helps that, unlike airplanes where radiation isn’t mentioned, his workplace is covered in detectors so they are very careful to ensure that everyone is safe.

          2. Kitrona*

            A fetus is much more vulnerable because everything is developing, so a small mishap early on can lead to much bigger problems later. Adults aren’t in the same situation.

      3. Give Me The Wine*

        Myself and two coworkers were in a meeting with a client, in the lobby of the client’s office. During the meeting, my allergies started to act up, and a sneezing fit came on. After about 3 sneezes, I decided I was going to get up and discreetly excuse myself to the restroom to get the sneezes out and let it pass. As I stood up to sneak away, I turned around and the toe of my shoe caught the leg of the chair that I was sitting in, and I began to stumble forward. I’m telling you, it felt like I was in slow motion catching myself from falling flat on my face (which I didn’t!) – but I took maybe 5 HUGE and exaggerated steps as I was trying to catch myself. I turned around and my coworkers and my client were all staring at me, and my boss started just laughing hysterically. It took months for the joking about it to die down around my office! I was mortified!

      4. Le Sigh*

        Do you mind if I ask what you mean by super-stale water? Had it just been sitting around and collected bacteria?

        1. Mbarr*

          Yeah – it was a bottle of water I drank from on a Friday, then left in my room for the weekend, and drank from again on Monday.

          … I have since improved my standards for drinking water.

          1. Toads, Beetles, Bats*

            PSA: I once got thrush from drinking out of an old water bottle (in that case, probably a week old). Whatever you do, don’t google-image thrush throats. The water didn’t taste or smell funny, but MAN. Don’t be me. Don’t drink from old water bottles.

              1. De-Archivist*

                I have this (gentle) fight with my SO all the time. She thinks I’m hilarious because I won’t drink from her water bottle. I used to ask “how long has this water been in here?” and “when did you last wash it?” But now I know, and I don’t even try anymore.

                Now I feel somewhat vindicated-ish, since I’m sorry Mbarr got sick. :/

          2. Le Sigh*

            I don’t make a habit of this but am def. guilty of doing this kind of thing. Suddenly feel the urge to be way more careful.

    4. kittymommy*

      About 2 months into a new job I ended up in the ER one evening and I was by myself (I had driven there rather than be transported). The ER released me, doped up on all sorts of muscle relaxers and pain killers, and I went to text my friends who were going to take me, and my car, home. So I sent a message roughly saying “Hey the ER just discharged me. Super high on meds and probably shouldn’t drive (grinning emoj). You can come get me now – right now I’m wandering the parking lot.” to what I thought was my friend, but was instead my brand new boss. The head of the organization. I am still mortified. (She thought was hysterical after she called me in a panic and getting in her car, in her pajamas, to come get me).

        1. That One Person*

          Agreed – ready to help their employee and then see the humor in things after the fact rather than become belligerent.

      3. Detective Amy Santiago*

        Aww! Did she end up getting you or did you contact your friend when you realized your mistake?

        1. kittymommy*

          My friend came and got me. But I had to call my boss when I was home and laying down before she would go back to bed.

      4. JJ Bittenbinder*

        LOL. That’s awesome that she was actually getting in her car to come get you. Very sweet boss.

    5. Girl Alex PR*

      I had surgery and they gave me antibiotics I was allergic to as well. I was very, very sick but I dragged myself to my job because I was new and had already been out longer than anticipated. My agency’s director greeted me in the hallway and I threw up blood on her shoes. She drove me to the hospital and sat with me for HOURS while I got IVs and puked in a bedpan. Not the best impression, but her concern was so evident and it really made my respect for her grow. She has never mentioned it to me again.

      1. Liz*

        Wow, that is a great boss. I had a similar situation, although not as severe, and not embarrassing. I was sick, fever etc. and barely functioning although I didn’t see any issues. My boss at the time came in, felt my forehead and ordered me to go home. He said he knew something was up as I made several nonsensical errors in a letter I had typed for him.

        1. Girl Alex PR*

          She was a fantastic boss. She runs a southern state’s VA system now and I smile every time I think about the care she exhibited with me being passed on to veterans on a large scale.

          1. No Name Yet*

            As someone who works in a (different) VA, that’s great to hear that someone great is the head of a VA system!

      2. Cait*

        When I was in college, I passed out while standing at my boss’s desk while she was explaining something to me. Just one second standing there, the next second- WHAM! I hit the floor. This was in the middle of our college library. I was absolutely mortified and couldn’t figure out why it had happened until she asked what I had eaten that day (I hadn’t eaten anything all day and it was mid-afternoon). Turns out if you don’t sleep, don’t feed yourself, and don’t drink water, you’re probably going to pass out at some point. I just wanted to slink back home, but being a broke student, I had a multi-stage commute of driving + buses + walking ahead of me. My boss drove me home, stopped on the way to buy me a sandwich, gatorade, and some snacks, and sat with me until my roommate came home to make sure I didn’t have a concussion.
        After that, my boss started an informal snack box for students- take what you need, no questions asked. She never said it was because of me, but I’ve always been grateful for how much she cared about her students.
        But yes, I was known among other students as “the girl who passed out in the library” for a good while afterwards!

        1. Lkr209*

          I’ve never understood our American (Sorry if you’re not commenting from the US!) culture of college students working themselves to the point of pure unhealthiness. We expect way too much from our college students (Full schedule, working full time, (unpaid!) internships and it’s not helpful to anyone to have sick and exhausted students :( I’m so glad your boss was so kind to you and started that snack box. Some people were just meant to work with students.

    6. JanetM*

      I was given Theodur (a bronchodilator) once. I did not react well to it. I was running to the restroom all the time, and I got very confused by everything — someone would talk to me, and I’d know all the words but couldn’t understand the sentence.

      My boss kept trying to send me home, and I kept saying I couldn’t drive. Eventually, a friend came by to pick up his paycheck, and he drove me home and stayed with me until I started thinking clearly again.

      I was able to go to work the next day, but people looked at me strangely for quite a while.

      1. I Don’t Remember What Name I Used Before*

        That’s some hardcore stuff. I took it for 20 years when I didn’t have health insurance and couldn’t afford the more modern/appropriate drugs for my chronic respiratory illness.

    7. Notasecurityguard*

      I will see you and raise you throwing up ON your boss. Turns out me and my dinner had a disagreement on whether or not it should stay in my stomach. Without warning. While I was talking to my boss.

      Either that or the time I had to tell a kid “stop jerking off in the library”

  3. Bubbeleh*

    Not a bodily function issue, but I accidentally set the time wrong on the microwave and my popcorn actually caught on fire.

    Destroyed the microwave of course, and because the microwave was in an atrium, the smell of burnt popcorn went EVERYWHERE in the building.

    And because it was burnt popcorn, the smell lingered for DAYS.

    1. Managed Chaos*

      If it makes you feel better, I had a co-worker start an actual fire with microwave popcorn – that was way worse than just the smell of burnt popcorn!

      3. Not the culprit*

        This happened at my workplace, too! Except we’re a school, so we had to evacuate 1000 kids and staff. And it was raining. And it was the middle of lunchtime.

        For the rest of the semester, whenever someone made popcorn, we were all like, “Too soon!”

        1. Atlantis*

          This happened in my college dorm when I was a freshman, except it wasn’t accidental. After the third arson attempt using popcorn in a microwave we lost all public microwaves in our building for the rest of the semester. The culprit wasn’t just setting microwave fires but also pulling the alarm randomly.

          I was glad to move out of that building by the end of the year.

          1. Rebecca in Dallas*

            Oh man, there was more than one incidence of styrofoam catching fire in our dorm microwaves, resulting in evacuating in the middle of the night.

        2. Le Sigh*

          This happened six times my first semester at college. Always in the middle of the night when someone got the munchies. 1,000 grumpy freshman and sophomores stuck outside in the cold rain, repeatedly, ready to draw and quarter the culprit. It got to the point where I started sleeping through the very loud smoke alarms.

        3. LondonBridges*

          When I was in high school, a substitute teacher put a bagel in the microwave and accidentally set it for 30 minutes instead of 30 seconds. We had the same evacuation, minus the rain luckily!

      5. Anon for this post*

        I had a former coworker who not only did this (causing full evacuation and firefighter response) but also had a separate incident that we’ll call a wardrobe malfunction. In that his, um, bits? did not remain contained by his shorts and they, um, fell out? He later became a beloved public figure so hey, there’s hope for everybody in this thread :)

      6. Ra94*

        This happened when I was in elementary school. A girl decided to microwave her small cookie for 5 minutes and it burst into flames, prompting a school evacuation and a staff member assigned to supervise the microwave.

        1. Busy*

          You’re elementary school had microwaves for the kids?

          My mom wouldn’t let my ADULT sister use the microwave for years after she did this in her new microwave lol.

          1. Ra94*

            Haha, madness, right? It was a tiny enough private school that they didn’t have a kitchen/cafeteria and everyone had to bring food from home, so I guess it was considered reasonable to provide some way of warming food up for a hot lunch.

        2. Collarbone High*

          I still laugh thinking about my friend’s dad getting his first microwave and guessing that five minutes was the correct time for softening a stale donut.

      7. Anonymous Engineer*

        Happened at my old job (before I was there) and the whole foam fire suppression system went off in the entire control building.

      8. New Job So Much Better*

        Just 10 minutes ago a coworker set ours on fire by putting a foil wrapped sandwich in….

      1. EH*

        I used to work at a place that straight-up banned microwave popcorn because people kept burning it.

        1. JJ Bittenbinder*

          My husband’s job took it a step further and removed the microwave entirely. It’s pretty unfair that one careless person = no one being able to heat up leftovers from home, but evidently the facilities guy doesn’t play around.

        2. silverpie*

          Our building did that too, although we got an exemption for our floor to use an air popper.

    4. Kateagory5*

      Happened to a co-worker the same day we moved into a brand new building – had to call the fire dept and everything!

    5. mlem*

      My entire company had to ban microwave popcorn in every building because so many people burned it at the corporate office, the city started charging nuisance-call charges (because the fire department *has* to come out every time the smoke alarms are triggered).

      In one of the satellite offices, someone reportedly destroyed a microwave by trying to heat a Pop-Tart.

      1. WonderingHowIGotIntoThis*

        I’ve no idea why we didn’t have microwaves at my old office (they were got rid of before I started, probably for similar reasons), but I do know that one woman set off the fire alarm 5 times making toast – before the toasters were also removed. I kept waiting for someone to set fire to the fridges, since they were pretty much the only things left in the kitchenette by this point…

    6. Madcap_Magician*

      My very large employer (~35,000 on this site) has the fire department here about once every three months because of a popcorn-in-microwave initiated fire.

    7. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Wow, and here I was thinking popcorn catching on fire was a rare thing. We got a new microwave a couple of months ago because our exec dir’s popcorn caught on fire (the microwave was so old it had a dial to set the time rather than buttons). One co-worker was out on maternity leave when this happened. When she was back in the office and we mentioned something about an event going well because nothing caught on fire, that woman jokingly asked, “Is this our new standard? Nothing caught on fire therefore everything went well?” And we assured her that yes, this was definitely our new standard.

    8. Amber T*

      The college RA in me is dying – can’t remember how many fire alarms there were in the dorms because of burnt popcorn!

      1. Yet another Sara*

        At least burnt popcorn was always better than the time someone in my dorm put a gel heating pad in one of the lounge microwaves for about 10x as long as it was supposed to be in there. It exploded and filled the entire building with the most foul smelling smoke ever.

        1. just a random teacher*

          We had someone set the dorm fire alarm off in the middle of the night cooking bacon. Since he was known to be of a non-pig-eating-if-you’re-fussy-about-it religion, we gave him so much crap about it while we were all waiting to be allowed back inside…

          At least we got fewer fire alarms than the “party dorms”. All of ours were cooing mishaps of various kinds, but the party dorms would also get drunk people deciding that fire alarms as a concept were hilarious and generating them in various ways.

          1. Bridget the Elephant*

            When I was a Halls Tutor (UK equivalent to RA), we once had a student staying during the summer who set the fire alarm off while cooking a meal in a frying pan. She didn’t leave the building so I had to go up to tell her to get out (and check if it was a real fire or just the smoke dector being sensitive). She proceeds to walk out of the kitchen *leaving the pan on the hob which was still turned on*. Another summer student set the fire alarm off by trying to cook toast in the microwave (there was a toaster right next to it).

            1. AnnieG*

              A few years ago there was a fire at the local fire station–the firefighters were cooking dinner, had to leave to respond to an alarm, and didn’t turn off the stove first.

    9. Lepidoptera*

      One of my old workplaces banned popcorn because one specific admin couldn’t tolerate it while pregnant. Every time someone made it, the smell set her off into vomiting fits. One boomer employee was super belligerent about his choice of lunch being policed because of her “life choices” (she was a very young, unmarried woman) and the whole thing spiraled downward from there.

    10. Normally a Lurker*

      One of my co-workers once put bread in the microwave trying to toast it.

      …

      There was so much smoke. We thought it was on fire. It was not. But the kitchen did smell for days afterwards.

    11. ggg*

      Someone was using the microwave in my office to make popcorn while I was on the phone, and I was so focused on whatever I was talking about, that I did not notice that the popcorn was burning and bad-smelling smoke was emanating from the microwave, until the situation was quite bad and people were yelling.

      As an amusing footnote to the story, we put the microwave outside because it smelled so bad, and our resident equipment hoarder nearly stole it for a science experiment he was planning, because hey, free microwave.

      1. Hlyssande*

        I mean, I’ve seen someone cannibalize a microwave to make an arc welder, so I can’t really blame the equipment hoarder.. :P

    12. Wordnerd*

      Last fall, I turned on my electric tea kettle in the office kitchen and then promptly forgot about. Didn’t remember it when the emergency alarm went off. Didn’t remember it in the 15 minutes we waited outside the building. Didn’t remember it until the maintenance guys said, “The alarm was for too much humidity in this room.” There was *a lot* of steam but thankfully, no fire or broken glass. Just some tears on my end and some gentle ribbing from my coworkers.

      1. Nobody Nowhere*

        Every time my co-worker uses her electric kettle while the microwave is on, it blows the circuit for all the computers & printers in the office. It happens a lot.

        1. Story Nurse*

          I had to put up a Passive-Aggressive Workplace Kitchen Note ™ about not running anything on the same circuit as the microwave while the microwave was running. It was a bad enough problem that the note included directions to the switch box and the number of the circuit breaker to flip.

    13. Anansi*

      I had a coworker who started a fire by putting her metal coffee mug in the microwave. Apparently she had never learned that you should not put metal in!

      1. AnnaBananna*

        Actually, some metals CAN go in the micro. I learned this by accident (twice…don’t ask). Couldn’t tell you what the metal is, but it was a vape pen. So whatever they make to case a vape pe – definitely not aluminum. Steel?

        But maybe she previously used a different type of metal mug and it was fine at home. *shrug*

        1. Ananas Bananes*

          Sometimes it depends on the ratio of metal to food (and the wetter the food, the better your odds). But gold trimmed china is right!

          (Changing my username on all future posts to avoid confusion with yours.)

    14. Bubbeleh*

      I have to say that after reading all of these comments I feel very much better about myself! :)

      1. urban teacher*

        My high school student tried to microwave some crayons. They exploded the microwave. When I asked her why, she told me “I wanted to melt them.” The door came off.

        1. AnnaBananna*

          This is the craziest micro story Ive ever heard. I wonder why wax would cause that kind of impact?

          1. Lydabeth*

            Oh, I know the answer to this! I melted lots of crayons in our microwave last year making Star Wars shaped crayons for my kids’ craft fair. It turns out that metallic crayons contain actual metal, and will indeed catch fire inside your microwave.

    15. Fla-mingo*

      I work in a large building with multiple floors. One day, one of the floors was having a hotdog lunch for a fundraiser. Whatever they used to cook the hotdogs triggered the smoke alarms, resulting in the evacuation of the entire building (1000+ people). Luckily it was a nice day out, so we enjoyed the few minutes outside.

      No more hotdog fundraisers have been held since.

      1. Rebecca in Dallas*

        Hahah I just remembered that once we all had to evacuate because the fire alarms were going off. It turned out that there was a retirement breakfast being thrown, the catering company had brought in an omelette station and for some reason (they hadn’t even burned anything) it set off the alarm. We didn’t even get any omelettes. :(

      2. HSE*

        We had some social BBQ thing on the roof of our building once. Majority of the office was up there (few hunded people?) including health and safety folk. Somehow a BBQ exploded, I think one of the gas hoses was faulty. Anyway, being on the roof, there was no smoke detector. No one knew where the alarm box things were or how to activate them, so there was a good 5 minutes of yelling about evacuating before the alarms went off. I was at my desk and the first I heard of it was a panicked admin running in yelling THE BBQ IS ON FIRE and then running out again.
        In a separate incident, we had all our toasters confiscated because people kept setting off the alarm and the final straw was when there was a board of directors meeting going on and everyone had to evacuate.
        This was a big mining company whose actual slogan was about safety.

    16. Librarian of SHIELD*

      When I was in high school, we had two fire drills in one day. Turns out the first one was our regular monthly drill, the second was a teacher who was making popcorn in the teacher’s lounge and burnt is to badly it set off the smoke detectors.

    17. Cakezilla*

      When I worked in a daycare, staff used to raid the freezer for expired food (we weren’t allowed to serve it, but it was still perfectly fine).

      I microwaved a plate of chicken nuggets for too long one time, by the time I got to it smoke was coming out of the microwave, the plate had MELTED, and the whole building smelled like burnt nuggets.

      Every parent who came to pick their kids up asked why the building smelled so bad, and every time my coworkers told them it was all my fault. Which, fair enough, but I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.

    18. Rebecca in Dallas*

      I burned popcorn once at an old job, it was so embarrassing!

      Then a few months later I burned a hot pocket and my boss got so freaked out by the smell that she called the fire department. -_-

      I swear, those are the only two times I have burned something in a microwave but of course now everyone there thinks I can’t use a microwave.

      1. Champaign Librarian*

        One of my former co-workers put eggs on to boil in a pot on the stove in our shared kitchen. Then she walked away and forgot about them for quite awhile. The pit boiled dry and the eggs exploded. I was out of the office that week but apparently it stunk to high heaven and there was exploded boiled egg *everywhere.* She retired soon after.

    19. Lizard*

      I did the same thing once! One of my coworkers brought me a Costco size bag of pre-popped popcorn after. I was so embarrassed at the time but now it’s just a fun work story.

    20. Srah*

      This happened at my husband’s work recently. He’s a fire warden, so he got a lot of the details.
      The executive director put his popcorn on for 10 minutes by accident and then left it. The microwave caught on fire, the building was evacuated and the firefighters came.

      All well and good… but then they couldn’t turn off the alarms, because the building warden and his two deputies were all on leave and no one knew what to do. Oh, and it was a Friday afternoon, around 4pm. They had to ring people at home, and I believe heads were set to roll over the leave situation.

  4. Managed Chaos*

    I’m sure I’ve had way worse than this, but off the top of my head, just yesterday, I fell while walking on stairs with a client.

    1. Classic Rando*

      At my last job I fell down the stairs twice in one month. The first time was at my home location, and though I laughed it off everyone was at least a little concerned and nice about it. But the second time I had just arrived at another location for a training, and had a fresh coffee in hand, which then exploded as I plummeted to the bottom of the stairwell. I didn’t know anyone there, and no one really cared that I’d just slid down a dozen or so steps, or even offered to help me clean it up. That location was only a ten minute walk from my apartment, but I never set foot in it again

      1. starsaphire*

        Wait, what? No one offered to help you?

        That’s… awful, and not a good indicator of an office’s culture. And I am so sorry that happened to you!

      2. Becky*

        No one offered to help? That’s terrible.
        I once completely biffed it on a cross-walk in the middle of Paris and some French gentleman stopped and made sure I was okay. And France doesn’t have a reputation for being particularly kind to tourists.

        1. Clementine*

          I know that’s the French reputation, but I can say from my experiences last month traveling in Paris with an older woman friend that we experienced numerous kindnesses.

          1. facepalm*

            Eh a car zoomed up and almost hit me in Paris once and people actually laughed. I’m sure it’s lovely, but it’s not high on my list of places I want to return to

            1. AnnaBananna*

              My mom was just there last month and said she was not impressed either. Marseille, on the other hand, she adored.

    2. Wheee!*

      Several years ago, I went to a major trade show. We were helping to set up so everything was under construction. I was walking down the hall, chatting with my grand boss and my coworker, when there was a random bit of scaffolding on the ground. I didn’t notice it at all, right up until I fell on my face as I tripped over it. The security team at the venue was absolutely insistent that we had to file a report about the whole thing. We waited for about five minutes to do it but no one showed so we just left.

      1. Mel*

        The insistence makes me think the security team might have been complaining about tripping hazards, and were excited to be able to have someone (who wasn’t injured) file a report.

          1. ChimericalOne*

            That’s my thought, too. We’ve got the same kind of insistence from some folks at my church. Someone falls? MUST FILE REPORT. DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY WITHOUT FILING.

    3. Bazinga*

      I posted below. I fell down a long flight of steps at work a couple weeks into a new job. Bled all over, broke my nose, and had 2 black eyes that NO amount of makeup would hide.

    4. Always Smile*

      I stepped out of my suv with 3 medium coffees on a tray, straight onto a patch of ice. I went straight down, hard. Someone came running out to help me, but the coffee couldn’t be saved. It was all over me, the ground and my suv!

    5. Elizabeth West*

      I fell UP the stairs once while walking in front of a handsome coworker. *dead*

      Oh, and once at an old job, a vendor representative who was very good-looking (and had a sexy French accent!) came in to talk to our marketing guy. I spilled coffee all over the table in front of him. Luckily not ON him. The two of them just stared at me while I was cleaning it up, which seemed to take forever.

      If I ever meet any of my crushes, I’m doomed.

      1. Marthooh*

        Evidently you live in a sitcom!

        Prognosis: nothing really bad will ever happen to you, but you will likewise never, ever learn from your mistakes.

      2. Becky*

        Oh I’ve fallen up the stairs probably more times in my life than I have fallen down them.

      3. Alexander Graham Yell*

        Not in the office, but I once was out with friends and they wanted to approach this really cute guy but they were all shy. So I decided to be their wingwoman and marched my slightly-drunk butt over with my friends in tow. I approached the dude’s friend and said, “Hey, are you Brad?”
        “No.”
        “I am so sorry! You look just like my friend’s brother, I’ve been trying to figure out where I know you from all night!” (Lies.)
        “We work together.”
        “…”
        “At [redacted], right?”
        “…yep.”

        Turns out the cute guy my friends wanted to talk to? Was literally the only guy I found attractive in our 1000+ person office. And it turns out he, his buddy, and I shared a lunch break and usually sat about 10 feet from each other. Which we continued to do for a YEAR AND A HALF after I embarrassed myself.

      4. Vax is my disaster bicon*

        Not to worry! On my mom and dad’s first date, she twisted her ankle off the side of her clog and fell in the gutter, pulling him down on top of her. They’re happily married almost thirty five years later, and the rate of ridiculous injuries no longer seems to go up when they’re together.

    6. Process Geek*

      This wasn’t me, but one of my dear friends fell off the perfectly flat sidewalk in front of her new job’s CEO. This destroyed her ankle enough that the CEO insisted someone get the corporate van and drive her to the ER. She spent her onboarding week (she worked remotely and was visiting the home office) in a wheelchair. Significant workman’s compensation claim in the first week!

    7. FameThrowa*

      That reminds me of one time I was riding the bus with a coworker and my boss, and we were sitting on those seats that face into the aisle. The bus hit a huge bump, and I bounced up and fell out of my seat into the aisle. Luckily, only my dignity was bruised.

    8. Blind as a Bat*

      I’m visually impaired and often fall, trip, find myself unable to visually recognise colleagues I interact with daily, have trouble at conference (VI people hate name tags – I refuse to wear one because if I can’t read yours then I won’t give you the advantage of reading mine)… there is a long list.

      Yet these pale in comparison to someone who recently mentioned that they were feeling around for something, and were surprised to discover that their colleague was quietly in an unexpected spot of the room. Which they discovered because they groped this person. So funny!

      1. ChimericalOne*

        Ha, my vision is pretty awful but I never thought of name tags as giving the other person the advantage… I guess I just assumed that everyone needed to stare, squint, and be within 2 feet of the other person to read the dang things. (And that’s assuming a short name printed in large, clear letters!)

  5. MeTwoToo*

    I finished a conversation with a patients family member and stood from behind my desk to shake his hand. My recently tailored above-the-knee pencil skirt popped at the hem and opened up from hem to waistband. I sat down quick and we both pretended nothing was happening as he left. Never used that seamstress again.

    I borrowed a tablecloth from the dietary dept, slipped out to a nearby shop for a quick costume change. Nobody in the store even blinked. Still felt awkward meeting with that family for a while though.

    2. Rita*

      How terrible for you! And also, that made me snort out loud.

      I tell my kids that if things never went wrong, we’d have no stories to tell each other…

    3. sequitur*

      I had a former teacher who told us about a time when she’d lost some weight and hadn’t realised the impact on her clothes; her skirt fell down spontaneously one day while she was teaching at the board.

      1. Totally anonymous for this*

        I was at work and walking across the hospital’s parking lot. It was summer and I was wearing a dress without stockings. The waistband on my panties decided it was far too constricted and broke away, falling to my ankles. I just stepped out of them and kept walking to the gift shop to buy new underwear for the rest of the day. Luckily it wasn’t a breezy afternoon.

      2. Toads, Beetles, Bats*

        This happened to me about one year post-partum. I don’t know if I’d lost weight or my body was just weird or what. I thought I’d die. Pulled the thing up, said “I guess my clothes aren’t fitting so hot,” and went back to teaching about the New Deal. No one said a word, but one student did mention it in an eval at the end of the year.

        1. It's always something*

          My first year of teaching I was wearing a new shirt. A student kept trying to interrupt me and I kept telling her not to interrupt. Finally she blurted, “Miss, your shirt has a hole!”

          The “hole” was the entire left seam of my shirt. I was wearing bright pink bra. I borrowed a cardigan to wear for the rest of the day and now always have a spare sweater in the closet.

    4. kadi*

      Ugh! Clothing breakdowns are the worst. When I was 8 months pregnant in the summertime, my boss called me into her office. I was in black maternity dress pants and when I sat my legs splayed out to the sides. She pointed out that the crotch seam on my pants had split and a few inches of my comfy, white cotton flowered underwear were showing through. I tied a sweater around my waist and scooted out to take the train home shortly after that….

      1. Cookie Monster*

        I had a pair of black pants split in eth crotch while I was firing someone-I excused myself from the room to “get a report” and went onto the bathroom and sewed them up and went back in to complete the process.

    5. CupcakeCounter*

      I split my pants at work while wearing lime green undies with a leopard print waistband.
      They were very old and I knew they were getting a little sketchy but were stupid comfortable. I was talking with a coworker in HIS office and dropped my pen. I tend to squat down instead of bend over and when I did that the pants ripped all the way down the butt crack seam to the crotch area and halfway down one thigh.
      Never been so happy to not be wearing a thong in my life.

      1. Liz*

        I’m so sorry that happened to you, but i laughed a bit. that would be me wearing similar undies and having my pants split.

      2. Alli525*

        I once had pants split up the inner seam while I was crouching to grab something on a low shelf at a grocery store. Luckily I could just hold my bags in front of me and sort of waddle the quarter-mile home, but uggghhhhh.

        1. Case of the Mondays*

          I’m a part-time cashier in a big box retail store (like Walmart or Target but not Walmart or Target). Our uniform consists of polo shirts and either black or khaki pants. Shirts are to be tucked into your waistband. I’d worn the same pair of khakis four to five times a week for a few months (with regular washings). One day, about halfway through my shift, the seat of my pants ripped. Not the crotch, the seat. Being resourceful and not wanting to go home and lose pay for the rest of my shift, I got a roll of duct tape from the service desk and taped over the tear. I also wore my shirt untucked in to further cover the wardrobe malfunction and hasty repair.

          Meanwhile, our store was preparing for a visit from headquarters. All of our managers were on edge and searching for anything out of place. While I was working at one of the self-scan areas, the store manager saw my untucked shirt and asked me why my shirt was untucked. I told him my pants had ripped and lifted up my shirt to show him the duct tape on my backside. He didn’t say anything more.

      3. FabJobTag*

        This thread (no pun intended) has some awesome solutions for anyone with a wardrobe malfunction at work!

    6. nonegiven*

      I saw Nancy Reagan tell that story on a talk show, once. She had a lunch meeting, in the White House, with a couple of women and when she stood up to say goodbye to them, her skirt fell off.

    7. DiscoTechie*

      I was out on a construction site inspecting erosion control measures and was in the middle of informing/yelling at the contractor to fix the deficiencies in the silt fence when I stepped over said silt fence and caught the crotch of my pants on the metal post. Split my pants from the ankle to the crotch. It’s hard to maintain an aura of authority when your pant leg is flapping in the breeze and your underwear may be showing. Found a well placed Wal-mart and found some pants that worked. (still have them 13 years later, lol)

    8. a*

      I was working at a law office for the summer when I was in college, and I was wearing a long, straight skirt. I tripped going up or down the stairs (can’t remember which) and split the seam all the way up. I ended up stapling it back together for the rest of the day and my long bus ride home.

    9. ButtSweat*

      I was on site meeting with a big teapot maker (their whole C-suite) and I got the time wrong and my coworkers were waiting for me, so I threw on a dress (thankfully hair and makeup were done, I was only wrong by 20 min) and ran. I normally wear shorts under my dresses just to make sure that if anything happens it’s a comical story rather than the world’s worst pornography spread, but in my haste I just ran commando. We were sitting most of the day and a few hours in, I went to the bathroom and found that my dress shows sweat, so I had sweat showing on my butt… the rest of the day I stood uncomfortably by the wall. No clue if anyone noticed, but it was pretty obvious, so if anyone watched me walk away, they surely saw.

    10. LPUK*

      I was having a meeting with two male suppliers and had just welcomed them into my tiny office, squeezing past them to get to my side of the desk. I was wearing stockings and a wrap skirt and as I squeezed past, one suspender strap caught on the chair arm and took my skirt with it, flashing them my knickers and naked thighs. Nobody said anything, but it was exceptionally difficult for all of us to follow that up with price negotiations we were there for!

    11. Reasons I don't teach anymore #32*

      Late to the party, but one of my teaching internships went terribly, in part because I was sick the entire time (and indeed for the first 5 months of that year) with just virus after nasty virus. Each one would take a month to get over and then I’d get reinfected. Doctors were no help.

      Anyway in my sick haze I coughed up a loogie on a student’s paper, and couldn’t think of what else to do so wiped it off with Kleenex and handed it to her. She of course did not want it, but I only had one copy for each group, so I had to print their group a new one on the classroom printer. Which is what I should have done in the first place. I just wasn’t thinking straight because I was working sick and had been studying or working sick for months.

      Always have extra copies, friends. And delay your bloody internship if you are seriously sick.

      1. Reasons I don't teach anymore #32*

        Accidentally posted this in the wrong place, was meant to be a top level reply, oops.

  6. BeeBoo*

    I was in my boss’s office, setting up a conference call with some board members. I apparently dialed the call-in number incorrectly and instead of calling the conference call number, I called a sex line. On speaker. From my Boss’s Office. With her office door wide open so everyone heard.

      1. Amber T*

        The 1-900 got you instead of the 1-800? Damn, I’m horrible at typing phone numbers, so this is a new fear of mine!

          1. BeeBoo*

            I don’t know what I typed! I was so embarrassed I quickly hung up and then made some awkward jokes to the entire office that was now staring at me…

        3. just a random teacher*

          Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, internet was not common in homes, and I was a teenager, there were plenty of 1-800 numbers with adult content too. They either referred you to a 900 number or took credit cards. One summer, my friends and I had an ongoing project of spelling out all of the rude 7 letter phrases we could think of and seeing if we found a new one as a result (we’d just dial the resulting combination to see who picked up). Bonus points were awarded if it had a different recorded message than the ones we’d found so far (most of them just went to the same 3 or 3 pre-recorded messages).

    3. Wednesday's Child*

      I had something similar happen….but I transposed numbers in a message for my boss and HE called the sex line based off what I gave him. Thankfully we had a great relationship and he found it hilarious.

    4. Bunny Girl*

      Someone did that to my old boss as a prank! They called and left a fake name and the phone number to a sex line. He dialed it and promptly hung up, thinking he had gotten the wrong number. So then he dialed it again, and had to hang up again. So he went to someone else in the office and had them call. I heard about this second-hand but I was laughing so hard at the retelling.

    5. RandomU...*

      Could be worse… The client I used to work with, large company, was explaining to me the internal process for customer notifications going out with a phone number on it. Basically it required 3 people + 2 VPs to get a proof of the mailer and call the number before it was allowed to go to print and sent to customers.

      I said something to the effect of “Wow, that’s a lot of double checking” and that’s when someone explained that at some point in the company’s history a mailer had gone out and someone typo’d the phone number from the customer service line to a sex line.

      I’ve since instituted a similar review for anything that is customer facing that includes a phone number. Not as extensive, but I’ll call it and ask 2-3 other random coworkers to call it as well. That is a lesson I don’t need to learn the hard way.

      1. Andie Elizabeth*

        I work for a company that manages vending machines and some of our units are machines or locations we’ve taken over/bought out from other companies selling the same products. An old customer service number on some of these machines, since the defunct company doesn’t use it anymore, was taken over by a sex line. We do our best to strip the equipment and replace it with all out contact info but stuff slips through the cracks and we will occasionally get customer complaints that they called our customer service number and got…a very different kind of customer service!

      2. nonegiven*

        There are stories on Reddit about the wrong number getting printed on ads and hundreds of calls going to a private residence. Hilarity ensues.

        1. Jane*

          The worst thing is when you know a company has misprinted your number onto their receipts, tell the caller this, offer them the correct number, and then they get *really* angry because how could you possibly know who they were trying to call if this is a wrong number, and therefore you must be from the correct company refusing to help them …???

          Wrong number at least once a day. Angry wrong number at least once a week.

          1. Cathie from Canada*

            We once had a phone number close to the booth number for a local radio station. About once a week we would answer the phone and someone would scream “The Beatles” or “Elvis”. It took us a while to figure out what was happening because we didn’t listen to that station.

          2. KnightErrant*

            I worked at a store for a summer and by coincidence my cell phone number was 1 off from the store number. That was not an easy one to explain to wrong-number callers, especially since they’d recognize my name/voice and insist that they had called the correct number.

          3. just a random teacher*

            I once had a phone number that was previously the number for a now out of business skate shop. They’d paid for a year or more’s worth of listing in the phone book and some online directories before closing. I got so many calls. The phone company refused to remove the listing from their online directory on the grounds that it had been paid for until some future date. I did not have any interest in selling skating equipment and a great deal of interest in sleeping in near Christmas, but apparently that did not matter since they’d paid for it before going out of business.

            1. Not A Morning Person*

              Because the phone company owned those numbers, they should have held them out of service for the year that the ads were paid for and not given out that number to any other customer! Assuming that’s the phone directory you are referring to…

        2. silverpie*

          This happened to my family. Cheap motel with a number one digit different from ours, printed up a batch of pencils and matchbooks with that digit substituted…

      3. Cookie Monster*

        Pretty sure that large company was the one I used to work for…we did that once.

      4. OhBehave*

        Our non-profit uses conference bags. One year, our graphic designer put HER phone number on the bag. The art went through numerous proofing steps and no one caught it until they arrived in office!

      5. RVA Cat*

        Several years ago, a major bank misprinted the Braille version of their customer service number as a sex line on their ATMs nationwide.

        (I can’t help but picture Daredevil with a big ole smile….)

      6. ChimericalOne*

        My sister used to work for Dick’s Sporting Goods. A customer once asked her for the website and, without thinking, she told them it was d i c k s [dot] com (a reasonable assumption!). These days, that actually DOES redirect you to their website, but back then, it went to an adult website… The real address is dickssportinggoods [dot] com. She never found out if they actually typed it into their web browser, but she was pretty embarrassed about it!

    6. Catalin*

      I did much the same once, but it was a 866 versus 800 or 888, something very innocent. Instead of the supplier I was trying to reach, I got a robot greeting me and asking if I was ready to —- my —-. I wasn’t even sure what that meant, but I knew it was dirty! I hung up fast.

          1. Pilcrow*

            Ye gads, I almost had to replace my brand new keyboard!

            Note to self, stop reading AAM over lunch. (Nah!)

    7. Sunflower*

      I run client events including global web events. We are in the US but recently got a a new provider based out of the UK so the main numbers that auto populate at the top of the dial-in directions are for the UK (they state this but people tend to just dial the first number they see)

      After the first web event, I got a call from a client that he was connected to an inappropriate phone service when he called. I brushed it off that he had dialed the wrong number. The next one, another 2 complaints.

      Turns out the UK toll number was connecting to a chatline if dialed from the US. We called it during a team meeting and couldn’t stop laughing. I recently left my job but they were still trying to figure out a solution to this besides DO NOT USE IF IN THE US (lol)

      1. A*

        This is why phone numbers should always be presented including international dialing codes. It’s really not hard and then it’s irrelevant where you’re calling from.

    8. MonteCristo85*

      Oh, now that you remind me, I did the same thing. I had the plant manager and all the division managers in a meeting (one of my first with this level of people) and I typed in the conference number that my boss had just given me. When the person answered, I jumped across the table and swatted the phone so hard it is a wonder I didn’t break it.

    9. Artemesia*

      We had a new fax machine and it worked slightly differently from the old one. I was in on a Saturday and needed to send my ss# and tax details to an organization I was giving a speech to so they could pay me. I punched in my phone ID which we used so the billing would be credited to me and then the address. But the new machine didn’t work that way. so it sent my personal financial information to the fax machine that had a phone number the same as my organizational phone ID. It was a porn shop. The person there called our secretary on Monday about this mystery fax. I got kidded about that endlessly and of course was lucky that someone hadn’t cut a new credit card in my name that very day.

      1. LadyLu*

        I used to deal with tech support at a large medical company whose phone number started 888. Well, about half the time, I’d dial 800 and out would come an offer to hook me up with hot, horny singles in my area. A lot of the time, my hands were full so I’d be dialing on speaker. Luckily, I’ve only worked in dysfunctional spaces so everyone thought it was hilarious!

      2. Anon from the Bronx*

        Never, ever send your SS# to anyone by fax! Too easy to reach a wrong number & you would never know. Secure, password-protected email is the way to go.

    12. Krabby*

      I was running orientation for a group of new hires. Our phone system was such that you had to dial 9 before dialing out of the office. That meant we’d had a lot of accidental emergency dials when people were calling long distance. I had just finished a 20 minute lecture about NEVER doing that, complete with a very heavy ribbing of one of our VPs who had done it three times in his first month working with us and cost us a small fortune. Lecture done, I went to dial our remote office’s number so that their sales rep could start his onboarding presentation and accidentally dialed 911 instead….

      We got fined. People still make fun of me.

    13. Bopper*

      Oh we had that happen too…except the produce mgr gave the wrong number to the cliente (like 800 instead of 888) and it was a sex line as well. Oops!

    14. Renee*

      LOL! This is hilarious, embarrassing but hilarious! I accidentally called a sex line when entering a friends number wrong, I let her know that the sex line number was the same as hers and off by one number. XD

  7. StressedButOkay*

    In my early 20s, I was a temp and had managed to snag a temp-to-hire position at the organization I would eventually end up working permanently at for 10 years. But I was a temp there for about 6 months before I got hired on by the company, so I got paid for those 6 months through the temp agency.

    One day I noticed that I had gotten a huge deposit – nearly double – and contacted the temp agency. It had been a mistake, they told me it would be too difficult to reverse it but that they’d just take out the difference over a few other paychecks. Except…

    The next pay period I had almost nothing in my in account – instead of pulling X amount over X number of months, they took all of it out of one. It was right before rent was due and I just burst into some of the worst tears I’ve ever had in the office. Right at my desk, out in the open. They were all very understanding – my manager offered to loan me the money – and ended up sending me home because I just couldn’t calm down.

    It was an understandable response but I still shudder at the Waterfall of Tears and Sobs that never seemed to stop.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      This is mortifying and I’m so sorry that it happened to you! That temp agency is shameful, it’s not hard at all to reverse a deposit, they were just lazy or inept AF. There’s always been a clawback feature allowed on overpayments for direct deposit or companies wouldn’t ever have signed up for DD. SMH

      1. StressedButOkay*

        Exactly – they took advantage of the fact that I didn’t know any better and thought at the time that, of course, my employer would do what was best for me, right? Ugh. I was lucky that I had a wonderful support system in my family and was okay but I always think about if I hadn’t had that support system!

        1. Artemesia*

          I had a colleague who got double paid and so send a check immediately to the organization and notified them what had happened and that she had sent this check. They then clawed back the deposit as well as cashing her check so that she now was bouncing checks all over town. It was one of the reasons I insisted on being paid by check and not direct deposit for years; if you have direct deposit they can just waltz into your account and take out money.

          1. Payroll Lady*

            Just to clarify, Payroll can only take out what the company deposited. In Stressed’s case, the WHOLE deposit would have had to be reversed. From the payroll perspective, I either take the NET overpayment from the employee’s next check and make the tax adjustments behind the scenes, or take a portion each check for the next X number of checks. They only time this becomes an issue is close to the end of year, as you can not cross over years and still only take the net and adjust that way.

            1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

              That’s an internal rule, it’s not true that you have to take all or leave it and adjust later. You can always reverse something and worse case, you should reverse it immediately and submit the right amount.

              Yes, it’s work but you never punish an employee for a payroll processing error or your company is really unethical and gross, end of story.

              1. Payroll Lady*

                Unfortunately, it is a banking rule. As an employer we can ONLY reverse our original entry. This is even stated on the forms the BANK issues to employers for direct deposit. It also takes 2 days for a direct deposit to go through the ACH process and be sent to the employee’s bank for processing. In order to NOT inconvenience the employee, I would make arranges to take the difference later than to pull the whole amount and have to issue a LIVE check for the employee. This is not UNETHICAL or gross, it’s the actual regulations. I have been doing payroll for over 30 years, and would never punish an employee for my mistake, never had, but I do give the above options when I can. As you can see you “solution” would be more of an issue than fixing it in the near future

                1. NA Payroll Manager*

                  Agreed, I have never seen a bank in the US or Canada allow you to enter a partial stop payment. The transaction details have to match the original payment exactly or the bank’s system doesn’t find the transaction to reverse. You can’t just stop/reverse a random amount out of someone’s account.

    2. JanetM*

      Not me, but my brother and his wife (who worked at the same company in different departments). One pay period, everyone was overpaid for some reason that I never quite got from him. Instead of clawing back the overpayments, the company took back the *entire deposit*, and then took a day or two to fix things.

      1. Busy*

        My company did this to me last year! Double paid me. Then tried to pull it back out. I called the bank who was confused who then called my employer who had to track down someone somewhere in the world to explain what was going on. They said they would put the one check back.

        The next day, they deposited BOTH checks back in. And then I had to track down said person myself. Their solution? Mail them a check with the over-payment. This is a 12,000 fortune 500 company. Why are they so dumb?

    3. AMT*

      I’m sorry, I’m not understanding — wasn’t the original large deposit still in the account? Or did they take that back, too?

      1. StressedButOkay*

        That part’s my fault – I offered to send them a check when they said they couldn’t reverse it and they said no (??), confirmed with me what they’d take out of each pay thereafter. Knowing I was going to be losing x amount of money over x paychecks, I SHOULD have put it in my checking/savings and not touched it.

        But…when you’re 22 and have credit card bills and suddenly the opportunity to pay some off pops up…part of the reason for the ugly sobbing, tbh. The temp agency messed up really badly, especially in the refusal to take back the money then and there, but I hadn’t made a wise decision after the fact.

        1. Peachkins*

          It’s understandable though. I assume you wouldn’t have touched the extra money if the temp agency had told you they would take it back in your next pay. I too would have thought it would be okay to use the extra money as needed given they supposedly set up a way to gradually repay it.

        2. AMT*

          I totally would have done that as a young adult! Like, hey, they said they were going to take it out of multiple paychecks…right?

    4. Writerboy*

      I’m with AMT. I can’t figure out why the money from the double deposit wasn’t still in your bank account.

      1. StressedButOkay*

        Being a broke as hell 22 year old who went “well, if you’re treating this like a loan…” and stupidly relied on the temp agency following through on taking out small amounts over a set period of time instead of ALL of it at once…

        So THAT part is on me.

  8. Jessen*

    Crying over a prank where someone filled my office with balloons. I’d started the pranks. It was honestly funny, and after one or two things I’d pulled I had no right to complain. But it was just…one of those days.

    1. Jessen*

      I know some of the stuff on pranks here is controversial, but I’d definitely started it in this case! I honestly didn’t even understand why I was crying, but it just wouldn’t stop.

        1. sequitur*

          One time I was severely depressed and barely hanging on at work, and I cried because I passed a sign to a local business area while driving home that said “Innovation Park”.

        2. Jessen*

          Yup! I was pretty young (probably still am for this crowd), so I was embarrassed and furious at myself for not being able to keep it together. And for once thankful that I was the only woman in the department so none of my colleagues were going to come into the women’s room!

        3. Rebecca in Dallas*

          Once my friend cried because her boyfriend gave her a piece of pie a la mode (which she had requested) and the scoop of ice cream wasn’t round. Like, he’d just used a regular spoon instead of an ice cream scoop. I still tease her about that.

      2. That One Person*

        If it was one of those days as you said before, then understandable that sometimes the weirdest thing becomes what “breaks the camel’s back” even if on a normal day it wouldn’t be a thing. It becomes yet another thing to “deal” with on top of whatever’s been going wrong/obtusely.

        1. Jessen*

          Honestly “one of those years” might have been a better description! But the same idea – I was dealing with a build of anxiety/depression/trauma and right at that moment I really needed to sit down and relax and then there were things in my way…

        2. MayLou*

          I went to my friend’s house for lunch and was there when I got a phone call saying I hadn’t got a job. I was fairly okay about it at the time. A couple of hours later I somehow managed to pour a glass of water over my head which was hilariously funny until suddenly I was sobbing. Our emotions are weird!

          1. Nessun*

            I had some serious abandonment/trust issues come to light with a therapist only after I went to talk to her to figure out why I’d completely gone into shock watching Avengers: Infinity War. Honestly, that movie kinda broke people anyway, but my reaction was vastly worse than I’d ever thought it would be. (Kinda traumatized to see the sequel now, truth be told, even though I know now where everything was coming from!)

          2. Karo*

            My sister had just found out she wasn’t going to be able to go to her dream school because they weren’t offering her a large enough scholarship. She was fine until our brother flicked her rubber ducky off the table later that evening, at which point she had a complete meltdown. Emotions are incredibly weird.

    2. Hlyssande*

      That reminds me of the ‘Sneaky Hate Spiral’ piece at Hyperbole and a Half (link in my name) but with crying instead of rage. The thing that breaks the camel’s back isn’t necessarily logical, it just happens to be YET ANOTHER THING in the string of THINGS that sucked.

  9. Vermonter*

    I got my period suddenly, magnificently, on the train to work. (TMI? There was a lot of blood.) Absolutely ruined my trousers, but my workplace was too strict to let me go home and change, or even run to the H&M one stop over and buy a new pair. If we missed any time at all that particular week, we lost the whole ($500) bonus. So I went to work, covered in blood.

    My coworker was kind enough to lend me her “it’s freezing in here with the A/C on” sweater for the day, but that involved me somehow sidling up to her third floor classroom without letting anyone see my backside as best I could.

    That was several years ago. Nowadays I tell my students about it when we teach the puberty unit, like “yeah, this can happen to anyone who menstruates.”

    1. twig*

      I just want to say that this is so good of you to share with students! Periods felt so embarassing when I was young — and like they were supposed to be invisible and unmentioned.

      1. broke into the military by accident*

        Totally agree, it would’ve been really helpful to hear this firsthand from an adult as a teen!

        1. hiptobesquared*

          My 7th grade disaster was the story I told one of my students to help her stop crying when she wet her pants in class. My secondhand embarrassment for her was so strong but I was commited to making sure all the kids knew that bodies are weird and it happens to everyone. She came back like nothing happened, her friends hugged her, and we never spoke of it again.

      2. Artemesia*

        No kidding. I still remember being in agony with cramps in 8th grade and those awful pads with belts from those days that didn’t really contain everything at the edges and having to live through 4 class periods before lunch break and I could take care of myself. The pain, and the misery and too embarrassed to ever ask for a hall pass. I think kids today have a much lower dose of that sort of shame. But I was just humiliated by anything this personal being known.

      2. Not the culprit*

        I thought the sane thing, until it became clear that the workplace was a school – still sucks, but makes more sense. I’m a teacher and I would never expect to be given coverage to deal with something like this. (Seriously. Last week I was running to the bathroom with diarrhea in between classes for the last 3 hours of the day. No coverage available. This should not be the case, but unfortunately I’d say this isn’t unheard of.)

        1. Vermonter*

          It was a school. (I don’t work there any more.) It was pretty terrible, and since I was just a TA and it was during summer school, I would’ve hoped for a little more flexibility. But they’d already rescinded another coworker’s bonus because of a medical emergency(!) and I wasn’t going to risk the money over an embarrassment.

          1. patricia*

            Man, what I’d want to do is teach with proudly stained pants and then tell anyone who asked, “I lose my bonus if I leave to change.” Let the horrible be on them, because they are horrible.

            In reality I would never have the guts to do it. But I’d want to.

    3. SignalLost*

      Been there, done that. Wound up hoping my messenger bag would cover the stain, left the building and went three blocks up the street to the Rack. At my height it’s hard to find things that fit and I did not have the budget for anything new, so I wound up buying one of those knit maxi dresses that just fit snugly over the bust, no sleeves; I could make that work with the shirt I’d been wearing. It was a very serious change of outfit, and that was the day I learned no one at all notices what you wear – I had a meeting without two coworkers, in an org of six total, who thought maybe I’d changed clothes? I had been wearing all black before, either leggings or a short skirt with tights, and now I was wearing a rust-colored maxi dress, and they still weren’t sure.

    4. Rhymes with Mitochondria*

      I once used my lunch hour to buy and take a pair of pants to a friend in a similar position. Was happy to help. Hope that someone would do the same for me if/when it happened to me.
      Your company sucks.

    5. michelenyc*

      This sort of happened to me. I had started my period that morning and had no idea that it was going to be scary heavy. I used to walk to my office. I happened to be wearing a dress that day. I was sitting at my desk after arriving about 9 and about 15 minutes felt like something was weird. I stood-up to go to the restroom and literally blood was streaming down my legs. It was horrifying. Thankfully no one seemed to notice or ignored me!

    6. Long Time Reader, First Time Poster*

      I got my period unexpectedly at work. I didn’t stain through my clothes, but I was caught short and had no supplies, so I went to the bathroom and stuffed my underpants with toilet paper (as one does) to ebb the flow until I could run out on my break and buy stuff.

      Unfortunately, I was wearing a skirt that day, along with a not particularly snug pair of underpants… you may be able to guess where this story is going.

      After I sat back down at my desk, I noticed to my great horror that there was a wad of bloody toilet paper lying in the middle of the floor. Yup, it fell out on my way back. And then it was just sitting there. In the middle of the busy open plan office.

      It disappeared before I could come up with a plan to retrieve it. To this day, I have no idea where it wound up. I still cringe hard when I think about it.

      1. Liz*

        I’ve had to do that as well, and I’d be feeling the same way. Even though no one would KNOW where it came from, i would and would be mortified thinking everyone knew it was mine.

        1. Long Time Reader, First Time Poster*

          I was *convinced* someone must have seen it fall and knew exactly from where it came. I just wanted to die.

        1. facepalm*

          Wow. Can’t believe I’m almost (mumblemumble) years old and this never occurred to me. Thank you!

      3. AnnaBananna*

        Oh sweetie. I had the same thing happen to me in high school. I wasn’t embarassed though, I was TERRIFIED to be connected to said wad. I did what I could to be discreet but I’m pretty sure my friends knew what was up and they were just too nice to say anything. I still cringe thinking about that day.

    7. Cordelia Vorkosigan*

      That happened to me once. The worst part — I didn’t quite notice right away! I knew it would be starting soon, and my periods usually started very lightly, so I was wearing a panty liner and thought that would catch it if it did start early. So when I felt the signs of it starting, I thought it would be okay even though I could tell it was heavier than usual.
      Thankfully, it was the end of the day and almost everyone had already gone home. I work on a university campus, and there was one lone student still hanging out in the lobby. When I walked through the lobby on my way to the restroom, he glanced casually at me and then did a double take. He half got out of his seat like he was going to rush over and make sure I was okay, then he hesitated (probably when he realized I was fine) and sat back down.
      When I got to the restroom, there was blood all over the front of my pants. How did it end up on the front and not the back? No idea. It was a LOT of blood, though. Like…do you know that gif from The Shining of the wave of blood rushing out of the elevator? Yeah, like that.
      I was able to drape my jacket casually over my arm and hold it over the stain on my way out. I went home completely mortified, but also thankful that almost nobody saw it.
      That poor student. I think he thought for a second that I was dying or something.

      1. only acting normal*

        Oh, the front of the pants. :-{
        It’s the pantyliner: sometimes they just kinda *funnel* it rather than letting it go with gravity.

        1. Copier Company Admin Girl*

          This! I understand so hard. Thought I was the only one who experienced The Unfortunate Funnel.

      3. Another Liz*

        I once had my period start unexpectedly during high school graduation. I wasn’t a senior that year, but I was in band AND chorus, and because our school colors were red and white, they had us all wear white. I had bought a white skirt specially for this day. I realized I was leaking during Pomp and Circumstance, but then I had to get up and walk over to the risers to sing the national anthem with the chorus, then walk back to the band to play some more tunes. I was convinced that literally the whole school could see the stain, and who knows. I had a friend in the clarinet section who lived a block away from school go to her house and get me a cardigan to wrap around my waist, and sat in my band chair for what felt like FOREVER after the ceremony was over, with a friend or two keeping me company; then I had to awkwardly walk back to the building with the cardigan around my waist in front of my crush, who asked me why I needed a sweater on a 90 degree day.

      4. Rectilinear Propagation*

        I used to regularly have issues with the blood going up the front (especially if I sneezed). I was so glad when Always put out those plus size pads because they were long enough to protect my front and was so mad when they discontinued them.

        My theory at the time was that I was bleeding faster than it could absorb and thus going everywhere. That and/or how I was sitting at the time.

    8. Zombeyonce*

      I would so want to just walk around like nothing was wrong with stain on full display and if anyone said anything, I’d tell them I wasn’t allowed to do anything to change without losing out on a huge amount of money. Make the company look bad and consider changing their policy rather than you being the one embarrassed.

    9. President Porpoise*

      Not me, but a friend. She started a very heavy period unexpectedly and bled all over her office chair. She covered it up with a cardigan, and came to see me at the end of the day in a panic about what to do with the chair. Being young and easily embarrassed, we opted for the not ideal option of switching chairs with one in an abandoned cube. The stained chair eventually disappeared. I feel bad for whoever found it.

      1. Hlyssande*

        When we moved to our current office, I found that the standard chairs all have light brown seats. And promptly bought myself a black towel for the office just in case because I get horrible periods.

    10. Girl Alex PR*

      I just had this happen recently! I was already at work when BOOM. It was not pretty and I had nothing to cover up the stain on my near mile walk to my car to go home and change.

    11. Dare*

      The only time I had to actually go home and change my pants from my period, it was 5 AM and no one was there. I now realize how fortunate that was…

    12. A.*

      I started my period during life guard training. We were all standing on the deck when it happened. I didn’t realize at first what happened because we were dripping from the pool. I quickly tried to run to the bathroom but one of the lifeguard instructors called out after me inquiring if I was ok because of the blood.
      It was awful. They moved us to the other side of the pool in order to disinfect the area where we were previously standing. It was day 1 of a 3 day training. I did not want to go back but I had to if I wanted to work that summer.

      1. Librarian of SHIELD*

        I did theater and dance in school. A friend of mine got her period ON STAGE while wearing a WHITE leotard. I felt so awful for her.

    14. Nyltiak*

      I was having some issues with my period (what, bleeding like Niagara falls with satsuma-sized clots for two months is abnormal?). I had been controlling it OK with a combination of pads and menstrual cups and dark pants, but one day, I stood up at my desk to go to class (grad student) and there was a *woosh* flood of blood. Soaked my (pink galaxy print) leggings down my inner thighs to my knees and spilled onto the floor of my office. That I shared with 2 dudes. Luckily no one was in there at the time, and I ended up using my *this office is often freezing* lap blanket to mop up the blood PUDDLE. Luckily the red flood mostly blended into my leggings. I stopped at the single person bathroom to change all my products, and walked the 10 minutes to my car praying no one would notice the stains. Then my professor (male, and also my advisor) gave me shit for leaving early/skipping class and I told him that I had had a personal emergency and had to leave and he still seemed skeptical of my absence. UGH. Damned uteruses.

      1. atgo*

        Ohhh this. I love the menstrual cup, but had 1 time when I was first getting used to it that it just dumped out while I was using it. Total disaster (not at work).

        Hope you’re doing better now – 2 months sounds awful and scary.

    15. AmyRo*

      I used to live in East Africa, in a country where it was common for women to wear colorful wrap around their lower half (like a long skirt). In rural areas, you needed to cover your legs, so I got in the habit of keeping wrappers in my purse, desk, etc. When I bled through my dress at work (badly – thanks paraguard!) I just tied it around my waist and claimed I’d spilled my lunch.

    16. Oh My Glob*

      This seems like the thread to share my period-at-work mishap. Bonus for misdirected text embarrassment!

      I was dealing with (what I now know was) undiagnosed endometriosis symptoms, one of which is this charming thing called “flooding”, which… well, the Shining elevator scene has already been referenced. Heavy bleeding, often all at once. Think the volume of liquid as if you’d wet your pants, but red. Thankfully it was contained somewhat and I made it to the bathroom. But my outfit was unwearable. I had my phone on me, so I texted my wife something like, “Flooding accident. :( :( Bring me new undies, leggings, skirt, jacket ASAP. PLEASE!!!” I’m nearly naked in the only employee bathroom, mopping literal puddles off the floor, and she’s not responding. Maybe I have no signal in here? I check my phone to see if the text sent, and how long it’s actually been. But it’s not even there! WTF??

      Then, with a sickening lurch in my stomach, I realize that I hadn’t sent that text to my wife. I’d sent it to the last person I’d texted… which had been my coworker on my way to work that morning. So now my 50-year-old single male coworker knows all my business. At least if he knows what flooding refers to… and if he doesn’t, he probably thinks I peed my pants.

      (Later, all clean and changed, I mumble something about the wrong text at him, and bless him! he said, “Oh, I figured it wasn’t for me, so I deleted it without reading it.”)

      1. Dan*

        That is such a graceful way for him to handle that situation! It allows for you both to move on without any awkwardness. Vs if he says something like “it’s no big deal” I’d feel much more embarrassed and more of a need to explain the situation. I’m going to remember that as something to use.

        Or maybe he actually didn’t read it!

      2. Tiny Soprano*

        It definitely does seem like the period thread!

        Mine wasn’t a flood, but rather cramp-related. Naproxen-style anti-inflammatories don’t work very well with my voice, so if I have an opera rehearsal I have three choices – a) call in sick, b) take the meds, feel kind of better, but drastically reduce my ability to sing, or c) ride out the cramps but be able to sing. There was one sitzprobe (final music rehearsal) that I absolutely couldn’t skip, but fortunately the conductor was a friend so I warned him that I was taking option c and it’d be weird. I spend the whole sitz in the foetal position on a chair with a large cup of tea and a heat pack and got some really weird looks, but hey, I could still sing (between groans.) It sucked, but if it’d been a bigger company I wouldn’t have got away with it.

    17. Howtu Comment*

      Wow. And you remained so calm. I would’ve made it a point to sit in EVERY managers chair and on the side if their desks, and stand in front of them and back up a little.

  10. broke into the military by accident*

    I was 22 and 3 months into a new job. (Not my first big adult job, but almost.) I’m trying to keep it vague, but it was day 1 of a hugely important event in a public/government building and while trying to make it to my company’s room with some materials, I accidentally got stranded on a floor that was supposed to be locked down and classified and only accessible to certain people in the freakin US military. I have no idea how I got there but once I did, all the doors were locked and I couldn’t get out. It caused a huge security panic, basically everyone in the building at that time found out about it, and everyone was mad at me, but in hindsight my coworkers and I think it’s hilarious.

    1. Lore*

      I got locked in the stairwell at my very first job interview ever. I was in college and it was for summer temp work so the stakes were thankfully pretty low, but still mortifying. The place was on the second floor and I just sort of assumed it was rude to take the elevator to the second floor. Then I got stuck in the un-air-conditioned stairwell, sweating in my interview clothes (the fire exit was not to the lobby but to outside and alarmed), until security noticed me. I don’t think it was more than about 10 minutes but very stressful!

    2. Magenta*

      I got locked in a bank by myself.

      I was an investment adviser at a bank, working in an office upstairs one Saturday. That day they all left within about 5 minutes of the branch closing and forgot to let me know. I came out of the office about 10 minutes after closing, everything was dark and the alarm started blaring. The alarm company called and shut off the noise when I explained who I was, but the door was locked and they couldn’t reach any of the key holders and it would be 3 hours before they could get there.

      I ended up sat on one of the sofas with a book waiting to be let out and ignoring all the people knocking on the door of a dark bank and asking if I could just pay a cheque in for them.

      Luckily after about an hour the courier arrived to pick up that day’s cheques and I left when he did.

      It never seemed fair that I got the teasing for that one and not the people who left me locked in.

      1. New Job So Much Better*

        I had been working for a bank for 7 years when someone handed me what we thought was a remote door opener…. turns out it was the silent alarm button I never was told about. Cops swarmed the place.

        1. it_guy*

          I worked at an office that had a foot powered silent alarm switch at the receptionists desk. Whenever a new receptionist would start they would forget to tell them about it, until they kicked it accidentally. About once every 4 months, the police would show up for no reason.

    3. Elle*

      As a summer intern at a law firm, I got locked in the toilets at the court, and had to call reception at the firm, and ask them to ring the court and ask them to send someone to let me out. This was post mobile phones, but pre widespread mobile internet. A baffled police officer came and sorted the door out.

    4. it's me*

      The power went out in our building (and the surrounding area) JUST as I entered the elevator, preparing to leave for the day. I was stuck between the second and third floors for almost two hours by myself. I kept worrying no one could hear me, and would forget I was there. (This was before that story about the maid in NYC who was stuck in an elevator all weekend, but.) I couldn’t make calls (except through the phone in the wall—did you know that line doesn’t go to authorities, but to… the elevator company? I didn’t), or get on the internet on my phone and also didn’t want to run down my battery, I was hungry, and I needed to pee. I kind of threw some tantrums when I was able to speak to someone and got an indication anyone could hear me. Finally, the firemen arrived and helped me in an undignified jump three or so feet down to the floor just below. The property management company sent me a small cake. Then a week later, I was (coincidentally) laid off!

      1. Becky*

        I once got stuck in an elevator and had to use that phone, but in my case it was campus security for the university I was at that answered it.

    5. MerelyMe*

      I got stuck in a locked stairwell at one of the local teaching hospitals, because I was hand-delivering confidential committee material to a faculty member and couldn’t get out of the building the way I came in due to perpetual construction projects. Fortunately that stairwell had a back door to a records room, and the door had a doorbell. It took a while for anybody to answer it, because apparently nobody ever used that doorbell and the people in the records room didn’t know there was one. But eventually somebody answered the door and rescued me.

    6. JKP*

      Once I was supporting a client at their birth. When they moved her from the birth suite to post-partum, the husband went to get stuff from the car, the nurse pushed the new mom in the wheelchair, and I followed behind with the new baby. But the nurse took a path that apparently led towards the outer doors of the hospital, so the lojack on the baby slammed the door in front of me to prevent kidnapping, so I couldn’t follow them. Never been in that hospital before, so I was wandering the halls with this woman’s newborn looking for someone to help me find my way back to them and every time I took a turn that might lead me towards the exit of the hospital, the door would slam and lock in front of me.

      1. Rhymes with Mitochondria*

        Oh man, not good. Amazed the nurse transporting the mom didn’t notice!

      2. Elizabeth West*

        It took me a minute to figure out “lojack on the baby.” That would make a great band name.

    7. Checkert*

      I recently started a new project at a govt agency. It was my third day on client site but had visited several times before so I was feeling confident in how the building is laid out. I entered the stairwell near the elevators and…..none of the doors had handles to get out, including the one I had juts entered. It’s an emergency/utility stairwell and there were no phones, no way of notifying anyone you exist other than banging on a door until someone saves you. Luckily, just the week before I had visited a local brewery that had given me a cool bottle opener key chain, one skinny enough to fit between the door and door jam yet strong enough to pry the big metal door open. Once again, beer saved the day!

    8. Montresaur*

      this absolutely cracked me up; you had me at your username. I can only imagine how freaky it must have been at the time.

      1. broke into the military by accident*

        hahaha thanks! i cried a lot at the time but my ANGELIC more senior coworker completely covered my ass so it wasn’t a big deal after the first few minutes.

    9. alannaofdoom*

      Similar thing happened at a former employer – I worked for a retail company and we were had just started a new initiative where we essentially sublet a portion of one store to one of our vendors. There was a separate cash register for the sublet area, and the employees staffing that area was on the vendor’s payroll, not ours. First day of the sublet, the vendor’s employee was in the bathroom when the store manager closed up, and the store manager wasn’t used to having another staff member to keep track of. So of course the vendor’s employee got locked in, and because it was the first day of an entirely disorganized initiative, she didn’t have contact info for anyone who could let her out, and didn’t know where in the store to look for emergency contact info. She called 911 and the fire department broke through the front door & security gate to let her out.

    10. Wrong-Way Corrigan*

      Several years ago, I had a part-time job that was fully work-from-home but required quarterly all-hands meetings at the main office, in the evenings, when the building was mostly locked down. Halfway through the second one of these meetings — the second time I’d been in the office at all — I ducked out of the conference room to find a restroom. I have a terrible sense of direction, and there were no signs posted for visitors, so I started wandering around… until I realized I’d left the office suite and was locked out. At that point, need for a restroom had overcome my sense of professional responsibility, so I went downstairs to the lobby (nothing there) and then outside, locking myself further and further out from the office all the while. (To this day, I don’t know why I went outside — I think I thought I’d seen a restroom in the parking garage? Definitely wasn’t firing on all cylinders that night.) Outside, in desperation, I realized it was probably time to just leave. Thankfully, a restaurant at the strip mall nearby was still open and had a public restroom.

      This had no professional repercussions at all — I don’t think anyone in that meeting recognized me or even knew I was gone — but I still feel like the stupidest person in the world. Who thinks there might be a restroom in a parking garage?

  11. Squeeble*

    Several years ago I got my period while sitting at my desk, and I mean, it was a completely unexpected FLOOD. Went all the way through to my desk chair before I fully realized what was happening.

    By some miracle I happened to be wearing a dress made out of a really lightweight synthetic material that was kind of a pink-and-black splotchy pattern all over, so you couldn’t totally tell it was soaked through with blood unless you were really looking. I hustled over to the restroom, prayed that no one else would come in, and rinsed out the back of my dress in the sink after cleaning myself up. Had to toss my underthings in the trash. Then I grabbed some paper towels and went back to casually, quietly clean up my (thankfully all-black) chair.

    It was the end of the day and the middle of summer, so by the time I got to the bus stop my dress was nearly dry. Oh, lord. It was terrifying and it could have been SO much worse–what if I’d been wearing white jeans??

    1. Lyn*

      this happened to me too – but the chair wasn’t black, and I was the receptionist. Luckily my boss sat right behind me and while I was in the restroom, swapped my chair with another one and left my chair in the breakroom and called facilities to come clean it. I loved her – she was the best!

    2. Rainy*

      I have such a horror of light-coloured trousers from when I was younger and sometimes when my period started it would, instead of being a few drips and some abdominal twinges, allowing me to rush to the washroom and take care of things, be a few minutes of violent cramping inspiring retching and sometimes actual vomiting, and then a just a massive flood, much like the elevator scene in The Shining, which swamped everything I was wearing.

      I never actually bled through anything light-coloured, mostly because I absolutely stopped wearing light trousers at the age of 15 out of dread.

      1. Anononon*

        I’ve not had a period for years (lucky me, the contraception I’m on means I just don’t get them), and maybe this explains my ex’s (female) friend who took one look at my white jeans and went ‘ooh, very brave’ in a slightly disapproving tone :D

        1. That Californian*

          A friend of mine is an OB/GYN, and she said it was the fashion for all the other OB/GYNs in her hospital (in Austria, if that matters) to wear white jeans when they weren’t required to be in scrubs. Specifically, white jeans, and that fashion didn’t carry across to the other doctors in the hospital. I’m fascinated by this! Like, are they signalling how deeply they understand menstruation that they have such confidence? Are they reacting to the large amount and variety of bodily fluid they must encounter daily by dressing in the least-bodily-fluid-friendly article of clothing?

          1. MayLou*

            I was a student midwife for a couple of years and at my university and several others the students wore white uniforms. The qualified staff wore much more sensible dark blue. We were *novices assisting with births*, who on earth chose WHITE?

        2. JustaTech*

          Is that what they mean? I thought my friends just expected me to get food all over my pants!

      2. Liz*

        I’m 53, have showed no signs of menopause, and STILL each month have to plan my outfits during that time. No skirts, no light colored pants. Nope. And I don’t have particularly heavy bleeding but i’m just so fearful that ONE time i do wear something i shouldn’t, there will be an issue.

        1. Rainy*

          I’m 43 and if my maternal history is going to be reliable, I still have NINETEEN YEARS of this BS left. I’m so over it.

        2. Elizabeth West*

          Same. Though Flo is becoming the slacker employee, she sometimes gets really fired up and skips the preliminaries. I’ve been keeping a pair of underpants in my bathroom and in my purse, just in case.
          Not complaining, though; I’ll be sad when she goes.

      3. Syfygeek*

        I haven’t worn light colored pants, skirts or jeans since I was 15. And I had a hysterectomy over 25 years ago. Nope, still no light colors.

        1. Rainy*

          I had a Mirena for 5 years and didn’t have a period and the lightest I went was STILL just a pair of mid-tan denim capris.

        2. Iconoclast in California*

          Same type of thing here. I tossed out my last pair of tan pants over 20 years ago, and I had a hist almost 15 years ago. (Best thing I ever did for myself – I had fibroids, and my periods were so awful that I ended up taking off one day every 24 days.)

          Of course, I have IBS *and* stress-based incontinence also, and those are different risks to light colored clothes…

      4. Artemesia*

        Whenever I see these bike racers in white shorts, or gymnasts in white costumes etc etc I immediately think of the embarrassment that can ensure so easily in a 100 km bike race with cameras on your butt or when doing that backflip. I’d never choose a costume with tight white pants.

    3. Esme Squalor*

      This happened to me years ago at a baseball game with my then-boyfriend-now-husband and his mom! I went to the bathroom and then accidentally reenacted The Shining elevator scene in the stall–while wearing white pants. Amazingly enough by saturating my pants with sopping wet paper towels repeatedly, I was able to get everything out, and I waited for my pants to dry in the bathroom. By the time I walked out, you’d never know what had happened, but I’d missed about three and a half innings, so my boyfriend and his mom were understandably concerned. I was mortified. I think I just kept reiterating everything was fine while attempting to change the topic until they got the hint and went with it.

      Looking back, though, it was pretty much best case scenario.

  12. V*

    I tried to dye my dark brown waist-length hair purple one Sunday night. Unfortunately I did not believe the instructions about not rinsing it in the shower. My hair looked vaguely purple. The rest of me much more so. Scrubbing did nothing. Crying did nothing. I didn’t feel I could call in purple so I went to work. Years later I still got “Violet, you’re turning violet!” comments from one co-worker.

      1. SometimesALurker*

        Me too. Now I’m tempted to start using that as shorthand for a confusing reason to be out (even though in V’s context it was very clear!) “Oh, I can’t tell my boss I have an interview, better call in purple.”

    2. Amber Rose*

      I did that last year! Only it was that I didn’t rinse it enough, so as I started to sweat the dye in my hair leaked out and turned my neck and chin purple. So awkward.

      I don’t know if you know this by now, but rubbing alcohol/makeup remover will usually take the worst of the dye out of your skin.

      1. SignalLost*

        Did that. Dyed my hair blue, went to work at my hot n’ sweaty warehouse job, sweated blue.

        1. AnnaBananna*

          Next time use ash. As in burned stuff. For some reason, it acts like an anti-dye on skin. I learned this from my exboyfriend’s roommate who was really into dyeing his hair odd colors as a teen (as was I, but I wasn’t lucky enough to learn this!) and was kind enough to share the info when I accidently got dye all over my hairline.

      2. Urdnot Bakara*

        Had this happen to me! My sister helped me dye my hair red the day before I was supposed to be at a major outdoor event, in the summer, in Texas, and I was helping a constituent fill out a paper form when I just….. started dripping red sweat all over the form. Really fun!

      3. AnonEMoose*

        Nail polish remover might work, too. Although I’d try to avoid more sensitive areas with that.

        1. EH*

          I’ve used non-acetone nail polish remover successfully for this! It’s less harsh but still works pretty well. Mostly, though, I dye my hair on Saturdays so I have time to deal with any coloring issues before I go to work Monday. :)

      4. iglwif*

        I dyed my hair red a summer or two ago–Manic Panic Infra-Red, to be exact–and I rinsed and rinsed and rinsed and rinsed but nevertheless I was sweating red for … a while.

        The day after the dye job I was on a bus and noticed that a person across from me was giving me serious side-eye. Only then did I realize that the beads of sweat running down my face and into my collar (alas, totally normal for me in the summer) were bright red O_O

    4. Matilda Jefferies*

      I didn’t feel I could call in purple so I went to work.

      Thank you for that eloquent description! You made my day with this. :)

    5. CommanderBanana*

      Aah! Exfoliating can help get dye off of your hands and skin – I use Overtone in the shower and it turns my hands blue but using body scrub takes most of it off (does tint your nails a bit though).

    8. That One Person*

      Reminds me of recently my mum talking about a planning meeting she’d been in and on the sheet they had groups of desks colored in to signify different departments. At one point she wanted to talk about a specific set of desks and (more out of amusement than anything) referred to them as “the Purple People” and had to refrain from giggling as they were therefore known as “the Purple People” for the rest of the meeting.

    9. Zombeyonce*

      I had a version of this in high school when I would color streaks of my light hair different colors with food coloring. (My mom wouldn’t let me use actual dye in the only thing teenage me could come up with.) I learned what a bad idea was when it rained one day. Just imagine a 16-year-old girl walking around with streaks of blue red and green all over her clothes and forehead and neck and arms. Classy.

      I never did it again without checking the weather report first after that.

    10. SaraV*

      Reading this at lunch while Prince’s “Purple Rain” plays over the radio at the restaurant I’m at. XD

    11. Alli525*

      I had my hair dye job MANGLED by a trainee colorist once (that was the very last time I ever went to an Aveda school) – what was supposed to be auburn ended up pumpkin orange, because the colorist didn’t listen to me when I told her how my hair processes color. This was also on a Sunday so I called in sick – couldn’t call in orange! – and had it redone on Monday. Even the train ride into the salon was nerve-wracking, but I live in a city populated by lots of weirdos and actors, so I just tried to convince myself that everyone assumed I did it on purpose.

    12. learnedthehardway*

      I can relate! I started dyeing my hair when a former colleague commented that I was looking a bit peaked – realized my hair had just enough white in it to make me look half dead. (It was not a good look, particularly given that I was not quite 30 at that point). Anyway, all was well until a couple years later, when I couldn’t find my usual dye two days before an important interview. So, I used the next closest shade. The next day at work, people kept asking me if I was okay, and suggesting that I should lay down or go home. I was kind of miffed / mystified – I mean, yeah, I’d been up the night before, but wasn’t ILL! Finally, I happened to go into the bathroom and caught a look at myself in the mirror. Turns out, the dye that looked fine at home under regular lighting gave me emerald green highlights under fluorescent lights. Also, it turns out that I look like death only partially defrosted in emerald green. I ended up getting an emergency hair appointment and having my hair stripped and redyed. Cost me a bundle, but I was looking good for the job interview, and actually got the role.

    13. Iconoclast in California*

      ROTFL! I occasionally dye my (short) hair purple, but the dye still sometimes gets on my face and ears. Rubbing alcohol and a specialty remover help me.

      But when I rinse my (now purpled) hair in the shower, the shower wall looks like I blew a hole in Barney. I keep meaning to get a picture

    14. Your friendly Claims adjuster*

      I used to dye my hair purple, loved it and miss it! Once when I went to the boxing gym the next day, the purple started coming out with my sweat a bit- I wound up accidentally dying the fingers of my white boxing gloves purple where I had them pressed against my forehead. Always knew which gloves were mine after that…

    15. HereKittyKitty*

      Hard relate. I routinely have rainbow hair- it’s pink right now and for WEEKS it’ll bleed onto my neck and face. A morning routine is usually a makeup wipe at the neck. I have pretty bad lighting in my bedroom and was running late so I went to work, did a meeting and it wasn’t until I was out of the meeting my boss let me know one side of my face was tinted pink. I had slept on my hair.

    16. The Other Katie*

      At one point I thought I’d like to try red hair, so I chose a nice dark red shade (black cherry or something). Alas, that was the first time I’d ever dyed my hair permanently, and I didn’t realise that my fine, naturally blonde hair wouldn’t take the dye well. Day 1: Black cherry! Day 2: Starting to fade. Day 3: Splotchy. By the end of the week I looked like Ronald McDonald, and there I stayed until I bleached my hair back to blonde a week later. (I couldn’t do it earlier because I didn’t have the cash for the box of dye.) That was an excruciating week.

  13. DCompliance*

    I had the investigate something that happened at a strip club. (A dancer bashed in a windshield with her shoe). I had to go to the strip club’s website, which brought up a ton of X-rated pictures. I had to explain to by boss I was not looking at porn at work.

    1. Manders*

      I’ve had this happen too! I have to check a lot of websites for work, which means sometimes I land on a porn site randomly. And I work in an open office.

      1. Snickerdoodle*

        Lol, I think that would make it LESS likely you were looking at porn, but I guess you never know!

    2. Magenta Sky*

      I spent a couple of hours documenting what an employee had been looking at on a company computer, so he could be fired by the numbers. Most of the web sites had enough xxx in the URL to know exactly what they were, but some were more . . . cryptic. And I was told to be thorough (I ended up with dozens of pages in small print, with no duplicates, for one week of activity), so I had to visit those sites. But my boss told me to do exactly that, do I didn’t find it embarrassing in the least.

    3. Hyacinth Bucket (Pronounced Bouquet!)*

      DCompliance, I don’t know what you do for a living but based in this anecdote I feel like you have many more stories to share.

      I also ended up on several adult websites while doing conflicts checks for a law job. IT found it hilarious, because I blush ridiculously red and I was sitting there looking like a tomato while I explained that I was doing my job.

      1. DCompliance*

        Tons.
        -Doctors selling “hot” socks out of their office.
        -The time someone wanted to prove they were a good manager by submitting pictures of themselves with a tiara and sash on Boss’s Day.
        A guy whose prior accident’s included falling off an Zamboni and being hit from behind on the log flume ride.

        …none really fit the embarrassing bucket.

        1. raktajino*

          Someone was selling stolen socks? …Why? I can’t imagine the markup possibilities are very lucrative.

          1. DCompliance*

            Well, doctor’s offices and hospital can be cold. A nice pair of fuzzy socks can come in handy. Anyway, he denied the allegation and there was no evidence that say otherwise.

        2. Falling Diphthong*

          “Pssst. Hey, buddy. Wanna buy some hot socks?” *opens one side of trenchcoat*

    4. 8DaysAWeek*

      I used to have to man the support email box at work. And because it had a generic address like support@company.com, it would get tons of porn spam which would infect my PC with viruses. Randomly throughout the day, the viruses would display large naked pics on my screen and I couldn’t close them fast enough. Sometimes I had to just turn my monitor off and wait a while until it died down.

      Thankfully the company knew this was a “thing” and didn’t reflect badly on me.

    5. PB*

      Oooh this reminds me of something that happened recently. I wouldn’t call it embarrassing, because no one saw it, but it could have been. I work with rare books professionally. A couple months ago, I had to research an item that turned out to be a piece of historic erotica. The item itself was text-only. The websites and articles I was looking at for information were very much not. One even had a kind of fascinating drawing of, uh, male genitalia constructed to look like an ostrich, being ridden by a man in military garb. It was amazing.

      There had been a post on AAM in the days prior about never looking at porn on your work devices, and here I am, sitting at my work computer in broad daylight gazing at dick ostriches.

      1. mrs whosit*

        Oh! A coworker of mine recently searched for obsidian to illustrate something to her students, and it turns out that brings up pictures of dildos (even with safe search on!). Thankfully she was able to navigate away without any uproar.

      3. Free Meerkats*

        In one of my hobbies, I look at medieval marginalia regularly, looking for good, documentable heraldic charges. So. Many. Dicks. In. So. Many. Forms. Anyone who thinks porn is something new is delusional.

      4. CooKoo*

        Now Googling “ male genitalia constructed to look like an ostrich, being ridden by a man in military garb”…

    6. AMT*

      I worked with a criminal defense client who took illegal upskirt photos of women in public places. I had to go through a CD full of them with a computer screen that faced the hallway. That was…a door-closed day.

    7. oona*

      I have to look at a lot of websites for work too, and porn is just accepted as a hazard of the job at this point. It is surprising how many seemingly safe domain names turn out to be hardcore porn though.

      1. Syfygeek*

        Back before home internet was commonplace, I took my son to the Library to use the PC. Turns out googling Xmen is not the same as XXXmen.

        And I was the one typing.

      2. MsChanandlerBong*

        I found this out the hard way back before Dick’s Sporting Goods managed to buy dicks dot com. It turns out that Dick’s Sporting Goods was using dickssportinggoods dot com for their URL, and um…somebody else was using dicks dot com.

      3. C*

        Site owners let their domains lapse and they get snapped up by porn sites.

        Back in the old days before Google’s algorithm got smarter, we’d regularly come across porn sites whose site titles & meta data in Google indicated they were real estate listings or home improvement stores or whatever. IT had our names so we wouldn’t get fired for it. Nobody took advantage, as far as I know.

    8. TeapotDetective*

      Part of my job involves documenting suspicious transactions, so I’ve had a fair few moments of “what in the world is this charge… oh. OH. Nopenopenope not on my work machine.”
      Only takes a few of those before you learn. Popping the url into Google is usually enough to tell me what my customers have been spending their $39.95 on. :P

    9. Venus*

      I have been told that there is someone at the patent office who has a sex-related technology specialty. It makes sense, as someone needs to review computer parts, and I guess for someone else it’s… vibrating dildos. From what I understand, the job requires doing research to see if something similar is already being sold, and going to conventions.

  14. Mbarr*

    I was a coordinator for a bursary program. I was having a bad self-esteem day, so I wrote myself a personal email from my work email, chastising myself for getting into that mindset. It was full of self-insults, loathing, etc. Then I emailed it to myself… But I accidentally copied a student on the email.

    I. Was. MORTIFIED.

    I tried and failed to recall the email. She was very sweet about it, replying that she wouldn’t tell. I was so embarrassed I didn’t even reply.

    1. Queen of the File*

      Oh wow. I think I hurt myself wincing on your behalf. I’m so glad the person you accidentally copied was discreet!

    2. EH*

      So, a while ago we were adding a new team to the cluster of small teams I work with. Everybody got brought to the office – our remote folks flew in, the new team drove down from their office a couple hours north, etc. We had several days of presentations, to familiarize everyone with everyone else’s product and whatnot.

      So, we’re all in the biggest conference room, about 25 – 30 people squished in. Seats at the table are full, and people have wheeled in office chairs to sit behind the folks sitting at the table. I’d wound up right in the front near the screen, and during someone else’s presentation, I knocked over my half-full water glass. Just… bam. I reached for it without thinking and sort of punched it instead of grabbing it. Water everywhere on the huge table. And I’m trapped, with everyone looking at me.

      The guy closest to the door ran to the kitchen and got a roll of paper towels for me. Who was the guy closest to the door? OUR VP. The highest-ranking dude in the room. Fetched me paper towels. While I sat there, mortified. I wanted to die. I spent the rest of the week being very, very deliberate about picking up my water.

  15. NewHerePleaseBeNice*

    I caused the entire building to be evacuated by burning toast, on a day when all of our senior stakeholders were in the building for a meeting.

    2. Jay*

      I did that in college – at 7:00 AM on a Sunday morning during finals. I was not popular. I also was violating four different rules about appliances in dorm rooms, so I ended up on disciplinary probation. My mother’s reaction: They put you on disciplinary probation because you can’t cook? Luckily for me, she thought it was hilarious. Unluckily for me, she thought it was so hilarious that she told everyone in town and when I came home for the summer, everyone knew.

      1. Becky*

        I accidentally got the not-approved-by-facilities toaster oven removed from my work breakroom. Someone had put their personal toaster oven in the breakroom and everyone used it, but we weren’t supposed to have personal appliances in the breakrooms–just the company provided microwaves and Keurig. I used the toaster oven but when I turned it off I accidentally pushed the dial past off so it set it to 60 minutes. And it started smoking. And got the building evacuated. And got the guy who brought the toaster oven chewed out by facilities. And got an email sent out company-wide reiterating the policy that personal appliances should not be put in the breakrooms.

      2. Charlotte Collins*

        Someone in my college dorm did this with popcorn at 2 in the morning during finals. In the winter time (Midwest).

        That entire floor was a problem and nobody was allowed to live on it the following year. They dispersed all the residents to other locations. And I think some were told that off-campus housing was probably the best choice for them.

        1. Charlotte Collins*

          Oh, and it was an 11-story tower. So we had to walk down all those flights then wait for one of two elevators to take us back up again.

    4. Anon for this*

      Oh god I did this a couple months ago, but luckily there weren’t any important meetings going on. Just, you know, students trying to sleep (I work on the bottom floor of a college dorm).

    5. Cymru*

      Coworker story.
      Multi-tenant office building and the fire alarm went off for an office that works with dangerous chemicals.
      Orderly evacuation of the building. Firefighters give the okay to go back in and leave.
      My coworker had put some toast in the toaster just before the fire alarm went. I guess she puts on really long but usually is there to watch it so it doesn’t burn.
      The poor firefighters had to come back and turn the alarm off just as they had gotten back to their station (the nearest station is down the block).

  16. Period Cup Awkwardness*

    For anyone that uses a period cup, you know what kind of awkwardness happens in work restrooms (or any public restroom for that matter!). Specifically referring to the weird noises.

    1. Anon2*

      The worst is when the automatic flushers refuse to flush a second time… I swear, some people probably assume a medical emergency happened in the stall.

      1. LB*

        For anyone who doesn’t know, most (if not all) toilets with auto-flush have a manual flush button as well! It’s perfect for situations like this. Sometimes they’re damn near invisible, though.

      2. Yes.*

        OH MY GOSH YES! Have you seen Amy Schumer’s latest special? She has a line about the Diva Cup… so true.

        And the noises! I try to cough at the right moment…

        1. Period Cup Awkwardness*

          LOL!!! Soooo awkward! I have both a large and small size and the large is EXTRA loud. my goodness!

      3. Amber T*

        We have one toilet that I swear gets triggered by flecks of dust, so in the normal course of a 20 second pee, it’ll probably flush 2-3 times before you need it to. I once made the mistake of using it when my stomach was not the happiest with me… lost count how many times it flushed automatically after 10.

    3. The Ginger Ginger*

      YUUUUUP! I mean I love mine, it definitely work for me, but changing in “public” is certainly an adventure (I try to avoid it when possible). Especially because I haven’t been able to keep my hands pristine yet, so sometimes you have to do the best you can with tissue paper and wait in the stall for the sinks to clear so you can wash your hands without being labelled a serial killer.

      1. Period Cup Awkwardness*

        I have had some very intimate moments with my period cup as well as accidentally spilled it all over the floor. lololol

        1. Sam Sepiol*

          Oh gawd I’ve dropped mine into the toilet (at home thank God) but never yet spilled it on the floor!!

      2. Close Bracket*

        I grab a paper towel or two and dampen it in the sink before going into the stall. Then I can clean up my hands and I don’t get blood on the stall door handle or my pants when I am done.

        1. Tasha*

          OT, but I learned to take a water bottle into the stall with me when I was using the cup. Good for rinsing the cup and your fingers.

        3. Mollie*

          Oh My Gosh, you just gave me an oh duh lightbulb moment. I don’t know why I never thought to take the papertowel with me. It would save me so much grief.

          1. Liv Jong*

            I too really appreciate these tips and will probably use mine more than I do now, which is not as much as I think I should.

    4. EtherIther*

      I’ve never had that issue! Or maybe I have, I suppose I figure once we’re in a restroom, all bets are off when it comes to noises!

    7. Emma*

      Oh man! This is why I basically never mess with mine in a public bathroom – being able to leave it in for 12 hours at a time is part of the appeal!

      1. Period Cup Awkwardness*

        You can still get toxic shock syndrome from period cups – it’s the collection of bacteria that can cause it (although its still very rare). I empty mine out every 4-6 hours at work, regardless of flow.

        1. Period Cup Awkwardness*

          except when I’m sleeping unless I need to. I’ve had moments where I wake up in the middle of the night and have to empty it out.

    8. GMN*

      Oh americans please get proper doors for your bathroom stalls! The 3/4 doors always freak me out when I’m in the US.

  17. Amber Rose*

    Most of my embarrassing things have not happened at work, thankfully, and the work ones are very silly.

    Most recently I tried to page someone and all that came out was a croak. I guess I should have been drinking more water. The whole building heard “beep beep… *crrk gasp ack*.”

    Long, long ago as a teen who experienced embarrassment much more acutely: It was lunch break at Big Box Store. I crouched down to open my locker, put myself off balance enough that I couldn’t stand back up again, and toppled over with a crash. Everyone in the room stared at me. It was awful then, though when I look back I just shake my head.

    2. EmKay*

      I must be tired because reading your “beep beep… *crrk gasp ack*.” made me laugh until I cried. My mouth is stull twitching uncontrollably.

      1. Amber Rose*

        Haha, well it’s good it made you laugh. I’ve made a thousand pages or more and that’s the first time I ever did that, so I was pretty surprised. xD

    3. Gandalf the Nude*

      Oh, I once paged someone and went back to singing along to the radio afterward. I didn’t realized I’d forgotten to hang up, so I accidentally serenaded the entire office and warehouse. I got to the end of “Hotel California, and everyone started clapping. I could have died.

    4. Iron Chef Boyardee*

      This happened when I was in my early twenties. It was one of my first full-time jobs, and being naive, innocent and trusting, I was easily fooled by this.

      I was filling in at reception during lunch one day, when I received a call from someone who asked to speak to a person who did not work there. The caller said this individual was meeting with one of the executives and asked me to page him because it was very important that he speak with him, so I made the announcement: “This is an all-page for [name]”. Then I heard laughter.

      The caller had asked to speak to a Michael Hunt, who preferred to be addressed as Mike and could I please use that name when paging him.

  18. Liz*

    Ladies! I have to say with all the “peeing after having babies” stories on the last one. Please go see a pelvic floor therapist – that does NOT need to be your normal life and can often be easily fixed with just a couple physical therapy sessions.

    2. Yikes*

      I was surprised to discover that in Europe, pelvic floor PT is a standard part of postnatal care. The women of Europe sneeze freely!

    3. Tasha*

      AND know that my physical therapist’s instructions focused on much more than kegels. Important, yes, but there’s lot of other muscle training that’s helpful. I was going to post this on that other thread but waited too long. PT was much more helpful/practical than OB-GYN.

    4. Teach*

      Peeing, leaking, urgency (gotta go right now!) and pain – all totally workable with pelvic floor PT!

    5. Hamburke*

      Pelvic Floor PT devotee too! Although I had very few problems in that department after babies, I ran into a random muscular problem when my youngest was 9 and went to pt then with excellent results!

    6. I heart Paul Buchman.*

      I agree it’s worth trying (Michelle Kenway’s website is brilliant) but this isn’t a fix for every problem. My prolapse isn’t going away no matter how often I Kegel.

  19. Lore*

    I got locked in my office once, so thoroughly that building services had to disassemble the door from the outside to get us out.

    Full story: I was a long-term temp who was lucky enough to have a teeny office. My fellow long-term temp came in, closed the door dramatically to tell me something I absolutely needed to know before we went into a meeting with our mutual boss. When we tried to leave to go to said meeting, door was jammed. We tried a few things, then had to call said boss and tell her why we were late and ask her to come try to let us out, thinking maybe the handle would work properly from the outside. No such luck. She called building services; they tried to no avail, and ended up having to call a locksmith to take apart the handle from the outside (somehow it had gotten stuck in such a way that the retractable part was jammed into the frame rather than the notch where it was supposed to close). The whole thing probably took about an hour and a half? Which was awkward because the office was literally so small that with two people in it and the door closed, you couldn’t swivel the chair. Fortunately the boss found it hysterical.

    2. Amber Rose*

      Oh man, I’d repressed the memory of the most embarrassing thing to happen to me at work and reading yours brought it back.

      I went to the bathroom just before closing time, and when I came out, all the lights were off and everyone was gone. I walked slowly towards the front door, but I set off the damn motion alarm. So alarms were blaring all over the place and scaring the hell out of me, and I was locked in. I managed to leave from a side door, but then I couldn’t get it locked behind me, and I didn’t want to leave the building unlocked, so I sat on the steps and cried.

      Which is how my boss found me a few minutes later, having been alerted to the alarm going off.

      Mortifying.

      1. Kelli with an I*

        I had to open one morning and accidently set off the alarm at my work. The code was one number different from my pin number. My boss came right when the police arrived.

    3. aceowl87*

      Something kind of like this happened to me, but I was in class in college and the door got stuck! We couldn’t get out, so the professor was googling the number to campus security on the projector when we managed to flag someone down in the hallway from the window to open the door for us. We all thought it was hilarious when discussing how we were going to explain possibly being late to our next class.

    4. Olivia Mansfield (formerly Mallory Janis Ian)*

      One of our grad students got locked in the single-stall bathroom and had to escape by pushing out through the old, unused door behind the refrigerator into the kitchenette. We reported to facilities that the door needed to be repaired, and told the dispatcher about the guys’ escape through the spare door.

      The facilities repair team showed up and broke into the bathroom by removing and climbing over the wooden transom over the door. The one guy was up on a ladder leaning into the transom opening going, “Where is he?!” I guess the dispatcher failed to mention that the student had already escaped, and the facilities guys thought they were on a rescue mission!

  20. PB*

    I’m a librarian. Once, early in my career, I was bending over in the stacks to look at something. When I stood up, my pants snagged on the metal shelf behind me and tore, right down the behind. I had a jacket I could tie around my waist, but the get to it, I had to walk back downstairs, through a work room, through the public reading room (where we had several researchers!), and through two galleries. There was nothing to be done than to do it…

    (Fortunately, my boss was very understanding of my need to run home!)

  21. Chelle*

    When I started at my company we had assigned WebEx numbers, so if you worked with multiple customers, you had to request a second one and then pay attention to who you gave which number to (if you scheduled two meetings at the same time with the same number, you would end up with just one meeting).

    I was presenting on-site at one client, while dialed in to a WebEx, and I had accidentally used the same number as I used for my other client’s recurring touchbase. So halfway through the presentation, people from a different organization start calling in and saying who they are.

    Fortunately, my supervisor was on the recurring call, and he said “everyone on the line from [org] drop off and I’ll send a new invite” but god, it was mortifying.

  22. Anon For This*

    I momentarily forgot that when you delegate a meeting out of our work calendars, and include comments, that the delegatee AND the chair can see those comments. So I delegate this meeting to a coworker with a note that says “can you please attend this terrible meeting for me? I’ve been going to it forever and still have no idea what the heck it’s about or why we need to be there”. Imagine my surprise upon receiving an email from the chair’s director calling me out for the comments, asking me to explain myself, and passive-aggressively offering to walk me through the purpose of the meeting. This director and I were not fans of each other to begin with, and my stupidity did not help the situation*.

    In that moment I truly understood what it felt like to almost die of embarrassment.

    *To be fair, it really was a terrible meeting.

    2. bdg*

      my supervisor does this a LOT. not as much now that i pointed out to her that it changes the invite for EVERYONE, but still. a lot.

  23. Flat Penny*

    An overly touchy coworker once noticed the tag was sticking out the back of my shirt, and tried to tuck it in without saying anything while I was at my computer. Her hands were very cold. I don’t think anyone had ever heard me swear before (I’m pretty good at keeping a lid on it in the office) or even raise my voice, but I absolutely screeched “F#CK F#CKITY F#CK!” when I thrashed away from her. In an open office.

    2. AnonEMoose*

      I am now stifling giggles at my desk, because I can just picture myself reacting in the exact. same. way.

    3. Clorinda*

      This is a very proper reaction to being unexpectedly touched. You don’t need to be embarrassed at all.

    4. Jules Verne*

      This reminds me of a weird coworker who used to come up behind me and like, not touch my shoulder, but start to *massage* my shoulders when he needed to ask me a question. It sounds weird to type that out but it wasn’t like, sexual or overly aggressive, just kind of lightly pinching my shoulders to get my attention. After he did that a couple of times and caught me by surprise, I just took his hands off my shoulders and turned in my chair so he could ask me his question. I think that’s when he was new, and he doesn’t do that to anyone anymore thankfully.

    5. SignalLost*

      Someone I was friends with at a previous job decided to surprise me by touching my back to make me jump when I didn’t know she was there. (FTR, the relationship was one where I was fine with this level of joke/prank.) She, however, didn’t know that I have a severe sensitivity/panic reflex to neck touching, and she was very close to my neck. She touched me, I froze, and elbowed her in the gut as hard as I could. (This is an improvement; I’ve bitten people who’ve touched my neck before.) I wasn’t the least embarrassed I did it, and she, when she could stand up fully and breathe normally again, said she deserved it completely. I was still embarrassed to be caught out that way, even with someone I had a close friendship with.

    6. TooTiredToThink*

      I’m sorry that I just died laughing. But yeah; I hate when people do that to me too. Just tell me my tag is up OR ask permissions. Its not that hard.

  24. Eeyore's missing tail*

    I think this will count as work story – I as attending a conference that my boss required me to go to. At least he (or some account there) paid for it.

    I was at a research conference as a young MS student and my boss told me he had been talking to a professor at another institution about our research and he wanted me to talk to him as well. I’m awful with names, so of course I forgot and assumed my boss would find the professor and introduce me. I’m at a poster session with some of my research and this young looking guy in very casual clothes walks up and asks me about my lab’s research. I give him our normal talk about he lab and my research. I noticed that his tag said the institution where the professor I was supposed to meet was from. So, in normal student talk, I asked him who his major professor was, because he looked really young and was wearing shorts. I missed what he said the first time, so instead of asking him to repeat himself, I asked my question again. He told me he was a professor. And then the light went off in my head and I said “You’re the professor my boss wants me to meet, right?” And he nodded his head. I tried to play it cool for the rest of our conversation, but I wanted to crawl behind my poster. Everything was forgiven and he bought me a drink later that night. I think he got a big kick out of it.

    1. Melly*

      Honestly, this happens to women all the time (ME, I constantly get asked if I’m a student at academic conferences), so it’s pretty satisfying that it happened to a guy.

      1. Save One Day at a Time*

        And women tend not to wear shorts because of it (she says in a dress and sweater after being asked if she was 17 multiple times this week)

  25. Allison*

    I had a mouth, no lie, full of canker sores, so I got this numbing gel called Kanka to help with the pain. But one day I felt really woozy, and knew I’d used the stuff a touch more frequently than you’re supposed to, so I legit thought I was about to pass out and fall into a coma. I let a nearby manager know what was happening, she notified a Director in the office who also happened to be an EMT and have some emergency medical supplies, he came to check me out and give me peace of mind that I was not about to die.

    And I don’t know if it was a coincidence or sadly related, but a couple months later I was notified that my contract, which was currently extended through the end of the year, would not be extended into the next year. After contracting with the company for over two years, being extended quarterly like clockwork. I know these things happen, but they never gave me a straight reason why . . .

    2. Rhymes with Mitochondria*

      Used to happen to me all the time, until I figured out the top three culprits:
      Walnuts
      Tartar Control Toothpaste
      Brown coating on ibuprofen
      the ibuprofen coating was the worst, because I used to take the ibuprofen for the pain, and it would spiral out of control until I had 4-5 dime sized cankers.
      Eventually when it happened on my gums, my dentist sent me to an endodontist, and “have you been taking ibuprofen with brown coating” was his first question!

      1. patricia*

        Holy heck, I have a couple cankers after a fairly (for me) heavy ibuprofen heavy weekend and I always take the brown coating ones! I never knew! Thanks for the tip!

      2. Clementine*

        What is it about walnuts, as it’s not a huge problem for me, but I have an association with walnuts and canker sores too.

      3. Librarian of SHIELD*

        I didn’t know about the ibuprofen thing! That’s going to be an amazing life hack.

        Also, when you feel one coming on, start taking L-lysine twice a day. It shortens the life of the sore and keeps it from getting severe enough to be super painful.

        1. AnnaBananna*

          I thought Lysine is for all herpes related viruses? And I thought canker sores were related to Ph and/or bacteria? Now I’m confused….and intrigued.

            1. Kelsi*

              I thought cold sores were caused by the herpes virus, and canker sores were something different.

              I mean, I get them both, so it’s sort of moot to me, but.

      4. Carolyn*

        Any mouth products with Sodium Laurel Sulfate are a big no if you’re prone to canker sores. I make sure to purchase products without that. Didn’t know about the ibuprofen thing, though…thanks for the tip!

        1. Howtu Comment*

          Pretty much all toothpastes have sodium laurel sulfate, Sensodyne is one of the few that doesn’t, I think Rembrandt had a sensitive version that didn’t.

  26. NeonFireworks*

    We had Important Guests about to visit from an organization we sometimes work with, and my two supervisors had been making noises about pairing me up with them. On the morning when they were set to arrive, I woke up to the news that a distant friend had gone to a group of mutual friends blaming me for her erratic behavior. I wrote a calm email setting the record straight (I wasn’t involved), and although I suspected it would blow over, by the time I got to work, I was feeling frazzled and secretly furious. One of my supervisors visited my office and asked me to come to hers. She grilled me about a small detail that I hadn’t realized was a problem, and although I immediately said I understood and would make things right, she (maybe under the influence of Important People about to walk in) kept pushing and telling me that the damage was done and was completely irreparable. It turned into a lecture about my supposed irresponsibility, and I couldn’t take any more stress and broke down in tears. Fortunately, things ended there – but only because the Important People were waiting outside my supervisor’s office in a narrow hallway with no alternative exit. She sighed and said I needed to get going. It was still incredibly obvious that I had just been crying, so I walked by the Important People looking straight down at the floor and pretending I had no idea who they were. I’m not sure how the visit went. I went home and narrowly talked myself out of quitting on the spot, but obviously no one ever mentioned the Important People to me again.

    1. Iconoclast in California*

      Hope you found a new job after that. A boss keeping at you until you cry isn’t a very good boss.

  27. MissGirl*

    I was walking outside to meet a customer coming in and walked into a glass door. Luckily, while it hurt, it didn’t leave a mark. The customer was kind enough to pretend he didn’t see it.

    1. Snark*

      I watched someone do this just the other day. It made a delightful DWONK sound. I quickly pulled out my phone and began texting so the person didn’t crawl into a hole.

      1. No Tribble At All*

        We have seamless glass walls at my office! They had to put stickers all over the walls so people would stop walking in to them. But the doors have stickers on a different location. Cue boss, loudly making fun of the stickers, walking directly into the closed glass door. Oh, the delight.

        3. Zombeyonce*

          That’s why offices that have walls like that usually have one nice skinny frosted line across the glass right at eye level.

        4. Cheri*

          In our office there are several rooms with glass sliding doors. One day I noticed one with a sticky note placed right at eye level that said ‘Door is closed :)” and knew immediately what had happened.

    2. JokersandRogues*

      There was a side entrance to our building from the parking garage. You badged in and then turned to the right immediately to walk down a long corridor to the elevators. I had been out a day or two for sick I think, and they installed glass doors at the turn from the entrance. Frame-less glass doors. Walked straight into the glass at full speed. Hideously embarrassing but also seriously painful. My forehead hit first luckily and not my nose so just a bruise on my head and a bit of a bump on the lower bridge of my nose.
      The person behind me was part of building management and was really concerned about me. I said I’d be ok, but they might want to put in a line of frosted glass or a logo or something so people didn’t fly into it like birds.
      Next day there was a sign, and the day after that there was a logo.

    3. Becky*

      I haven’t done this with a glass door, but I did do it once with a screen door. Except you don’t thunk against a screen door so much as bounce. I bounced off the screen door and landed on my butt.

      1. Zombeyonce*

        I took out an entire screen sliding door doing this at my house when I was a kid. That’s why you don’t run from the living room to the backyard thinking the sliding glass door being open is all you need to check for. You can’t even brace yourself for a fall when your whole body is blocked by a screen while falling to the ground. So many bruises…

    4. Black and blue*

      Oouf! We have pillars in our office. Brightly coloured, large pillars. I was trying to multi task, talking to a colleague behind me and walking to my desk…I hit a pillar so hard that the corner edge went straight between my breasts and into my face, breaking my glasses… It quite took my breath away and I must have made a loud grunt because when I recovered, the whole office was looking, waiting to see if I was going to cry…
      The walk of shame to my desk was awful but thankfully, blurred!

      1. Charlotte Collins*

        I walked into a pillar at my first job! They were huge concrete things, but I saw a cute guy, and well, 17YO me had priorities…

        It will not surprise you that I was a bookish kid whose first job was at the public library.

    5. It's Business Time*

      I have walked into 2 glass walls at work (different workspaces), the second time was only a month ago, I made such a loud noise too that everyone turned to look. I was once out to visit some clients and went into one of those revolving doors and took too large a step and my head hit the glass door. People outside smoking heard the loud bang and turned to see me rubbing my forehead. Oh well

    6. The Other Katie*

      I did this once at a salon where I’d just gotten my hair cut. I got distracted by the mirror as I was admiring my new ‘do and *whack* right into the door like a seagull. It was like something out of a terrible comedy film, really painful and yet at the same time hilarious. I still don’t know how to feel about it.

  28. Permanent WTF Lines*

    I was on one of those juicing diets for a couple days. While sitting at my desk working along, I crapped my pants! It was totally unexpected and awful! Luckily, I lived about 5 min from my work so I ducked out to go home. My boss was in a meeting so I couldn’t really say anything, plus my situation was urgent. After I got home and showered, I called my boss and filled her in on the situation, and told her I wouldn’t be returning that day. That’s my limit, if I lose control of my body for the day, I’m done! Luckily she was understanding and we joked about it the next day!

    1. Book Badger, Attorney-at-Claw*

      I have IBS, so I’ve crapped my pants before. The first time it happened, I was going to see my little brother in a talent show, and I let out what I thought was a fart on my way to take my seat. I ran to the bathroom, determined that my underwear was not salvageable… and stuffed it in the bin where you put used tampons and pads. I think my thought process was something like, “Well, it’s all gross biohazard material anyway,” but honestly I was just panicking.

      I went commando for the rest of the night, and I shudder to think what happened the next morning when the janitor cleaned the bins!

      1. LB*

        This happened to me on an international flight for work. It turned out I was getting sick and had a really high fever, but it was mortifying. Fortunately the flight attendants were super nice about it.

      2. Frinkfrink*

        I came down with norovirus at work a few years back, and lets just say I’m eternally grateful that not only did I have an office to myself, but it was 30 feet from the restroom, and nobody was between me and it. I did the same thing with my underwear after wrapping it up in as much toilet paper as possible, shoved paper towels down my pants just in case, and went straight home.

      3. Kitrona*

        We’ve had stranger things in the bins, I promise you. (I don’t clean the bathrooms at work because I can’t mop but I hear about the weird stuff from the people who do. I guess having dislocated a shoulder has some upsides?)

    2. CMart*

      I trusted a fart when I should not have just this week and deposited a tiny nugget into my underpants. I just froze in shock.

      Luckily it was still very early in the morning and I had been walking to the bathroom anyway, and it was thankfully not um, messy. Just the knowledge that it happened has been enough to mortify me for a lifetime.

        1. CMart*

          I’m 6 months out from having my second kid, and idk if it was all the pregnancies and childbirth or just the steady march deeper into my 30’s, but I’ve officially decided to stop trusting them as well. When I have control over the toots, at least. My ability to hold them and be stealthy has also deteriorated alarmingly.

          1. patricia*

            A) I trusted a fart well before my childbearing days and it turned out to be liquid rather than gas. At work. Amazingly, this is NOT my most embarrassing moment- that’s below. (I don’t think anyone saw, even without anything to wrap around my waist- I just booked it to my car and took the rest of the day off).

            B) Since my second child, my ability to be stealth is absolutely zero. Which is kind of annoying, but I’m also way more comfortable just saying “excuse me” if something I’m trying to slip out ends up rather more obvious.

        2. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

          In the game the Sims 4, your sim can fart and burp if you have the parenthood expansion pack. However, fart when the poor pixelated person’s bathroom need is too low…

    3. TooTiredToThink*

      I’ve done this before as well. And same; I’m done for the day. Thankfully its not a regular occurrence.

      1. jolene*

        Not at work, but I learned doing morning spin class to stop having cream in my coffee instead of full fat milk. Made things just that bit richer, including what you think are farts but aren’t. Just a small PSA for anyone thinking of switching to cream…

    4. Permanent WTF Lines*

      So glad I’m not alone! If you are familiar with KMart, my “craptastic” incident happened around the time the “I shipped my pants” commercial came out. My boss emailed it to me the next day, it was pretty fitting!

    5. Iconoclast in California*

      I suffer from IBS, and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had the hershey squirts. I wear a long incontinence pads and that usually contains it. However, sometimes I overflow past that and ruin my underwear and pants. I’ve gotten really good at cleanup of self, clothes and restroom stall. For me, the first warning is a rumble in my guts and a fart. I then have at most a couple minutes to get into the bathroom and ready to release.

      I keep a spare pair of underwear and spare pads in my desk, and I’m *very* careful what I eat, only trying new stuff at home.

      It sucks.

  29. Rat Racer*

    I embarrass easily, so it’s hard for me to pick through the library of anecdotes that still make me cringe. But there was a time when I was newly pregnant (hadn’t told anyone yet) and fell asleep in a meeting. A meeting of like 4 people (including my boss). We were just having a conversation and suddenly I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I heard my boss say “Rat? RAT??” and I startled awake, spilling water all over myself. I blurted out “Sorry! I’m pregnant!” which was a really weird way to let my office know…

    1. Rat Racer*

      Oh wait – I thought of another that’s much worse! This was after said child was born, and I was working from home on a Friday, while my mom watched my infant daughter. I was on a conference call and thought I had muted my phone. I picked up the baby, who was cooing at me from her bouncy seat and said, very loudly into the phone “Uh oh! I think someone pooped!”

      3. Esme Squalor*

        This reminded me of a professional conference I was attending virtually a few years ago where someone neglected to turn off their mic when peeing. The whole auditorium, which was dead silent at the time, was suddenly filled with the unmistakable echoing sound of urine hitting water and porcelain. It was awwwkward.

        Malcolm Gladwell was the keynote, and when he walked out on stage a couple minutes later, his opening line was, “That wasn’t me.”

          1. Esme Squalor*

            I’m still not convinced it wasn’t him. I’ll be honest, “I once heard Malcolm Gladwell peeing when he forgot to turn off his mic” is a story I’ve told before.

        3. Hlyssande*

          When my mother worked in medical records a local hospital in the 70’s, one of the doctors pranked her by pouring a bottle of water very loudly into a toilet while asking for records over the phone (long cord I guess?).

      1. Busy*

        These are winners. BTW I am glad I wasn’t the only one who would pass out early in my pregnancy!

        1. HereKittyKitty*

          At the very end of her pregnancy, my manager would curl up on the floor behind her desk and take a good 5 min “nap” because she was so exhausted. We sell gymnastics mats and I desperately wanted to grab one for her and also wished we had an actual maternity leave that was paid because she was TIRED.

    3. Person of Interest*

      I once had a colleague who called in for a staff meeting, let her phone unmuted, and fell asleep, snoring quite loudly. The boss tried to get her attention by calling on her by name kind of loudly but no dice. We agreed to just hang up and let her figure it out, because we were all just laughing every time we heard a snore.

    5. Arts Akimbo*

      Aaaugh, the mike unmuted!!! I was in a remote professional development class full of up-and-comers and a couple of industry bigshots, and I had my mike muted because I was moving papers around making noise. Then I got up with my laptop to go plug my phone in to charge in another room, and per my reflex, I “muted” the mike… only it was now unmuted.

      So the whole class got to hear me say “Hi Sweetie, I’ve just got to plug my %&^*ing phone in,” and then smooch my spouse a couple of times before the person running the meeting managed to get my attention. A younger me would have died of embarrassment. Me now is just glad it wasn’t an audible toilet flush!

  30. Audrey*

    I have two:

    -At my old job I walked in on my boss using the bathroom. I saw…things. This would almost be fine if I never had to see him again but he’s a great guy and we’ve kept in touch over the years.

    -At my current job, I hit a coworker’s car with my car in the parking lot. Nothing horrific, but enough to leave a scrape. I didn’t know whose car it was at the time. I left a note on the windshield with my phone number and info. This guy claimed he didn’t see the note and angrily confronted me at my desk, within listening distance of my boss and other coworkers.

    I find it hard to believe he didn’t see the note because I saw him out the window taking pictures all around the car (which is normal of course; I did the same). I think he intentionally wanted to embarrass me. If he’d decided not to go through insurance I was planning on giving him more money than whatever the estimate was to compensate for the inconvenience of it all. I’d cleared it with my husband, financially we were good to this. But he didn’t trust me to pay and it went through insurance instead. Fine.

    For awhile afterwards I tried to be friendly, say hi when I saw him at work, and he was always standoffish. One time I said hi to him in the kitchen and he looked right at me and said nothing, so I’ve stopped trying since then and don’t even make eye contact with him.

    All of this was very embarrassing, especially the notion that he probably told all of our coworkers about it. But come to find out, most of my coworkers think he’s a jerk too.

    1. Woopsies*

      Just curious – he claimed he didn’t see the note. Then how would he know you were the one that hit him?

    3. MayLou*

      My wife uses a wheelchair and a few weeks ago she opened the door of the accessible toilet to discover someone using it as his private pooping chamber. Hopefully that’ll teach him not to take advantage of the only wheelchair-accessible toilet in the building (or if he had a legitimate reason for using the disabled toilet, which he might have had, to lock the door!).

    4. CooKoo*

      He’s a terrible human. I’m sure your co-workers sympathized with you. I can just imagine how dysfunctional all his relationships are.

  31. Manders*

    Soon after I was hired at my current job, I was describing a weird job interview with a company I’d turned down to my boss. I went into a lot of detail about the bad Glassdoor reviews, the sketchy-looking office, and the job offer that would have had me illegally classified as a contractor during my probation period… and then he realized the company I was describing was one he’d founded.

    Fortunately, he knew it had turned into a big mess after he left and told me so, but for about 10 minutes I wanted to sink into the floor.

  32. AfT*

    One of my front teeth is false, and on two different occasions at two different jobs, the crown has fallen out in my mid-workday lunch, causing me to need to make an emergency trip to the dentist (and to need to show my boss why I’m leaving)…

  33. straws*

    My boss drove us to a meeting about 30-40 minutes away. It went well, and then I fell asleep on the car ride home. It turned out that I have narcolepsy, but it was so embarrassing…

    1. a*

      I have done this! I absolutely could not keep my eyes open. Like one minute I was looking out the window and the next I was groggily waking up and trying to get control of my drool. At least I only fell asleep on the way back…

    2. Zombeyonce*

      This is why I never want to ride anywhere with coworkers. I get motion sickness and my automatic defense mechanism is to fall asleep whenever I’m a passenger it a vehicle just to keep me from getting sick. I’m pretty sure this would happen to me if I ever drove with anyone for more than about 20 minutes, so you have my sympathy.

    3. DaniCalifornia*

      If I am not driving and there’s not a lot of conversation going on, I am the first one to fall asleep in the car! It’s even worse if I’m in the back seat and can’t hear. It happens!

    4. Amber T*

      When I was an infant, my mom would drive around to lull me to sleep. Great for her then, not so great for me now, since I immediately become super sleepy if I’m not the one driving and music isn’t blasting.

    5. Rebecca in Dallas*

      I always fall asleep on road trips! There’s a reason why parents drive their babies around to lull them to sleep.

      Once a coworker fell asleep in the car when we were driving from one site to the other. He didn’t wake up when we got to the destination so we all sat there for a while debating how to best wake him up without embarrassing him. We finally settled on getting out of the car, then one of us shut their door really hard (not slamming exactly, just loud enough that it might wake a dozing passenger). Sure enough, he woke up and got out of the car like he hadn’t been sleeping!

  34. bunniferous*

    I used to work for a florist. Someone was apparently looking up porn after hours on the front desk computers. So one day, I am working (probably keying in orders) when an x rated pop up ad appeared.

    Took us hours plus a call into the FTD system helpline to take care of THAT issue…..

  35. BeeBoo*

    Another one, although it didn’t happen to me, I was there to witness it in all its glory.

    I had a co-worker who could not tell the difference between a spam email and a real email. She was constantly getting viruses on her computer. Our IT director finally told her she had to call him before opening any new emails from people she didn’t know. Shortly after, she went to call him, but accidentally clicked the “all page” button on the phones, so broadcasted to the entire office was, “I just got this email and I don’t know what to do. Do I want to blow the biggest load ever?”

  36. Antidepressant Mishap*

    It turns out that I can’t take antidepressants because they give me symptoms of bipolar disorder and cause motor function impairment.

    Of course, we found this out after my first dose when I, INCREDIBLY high, wrote one of my colleagues that I couldn’t stand up or use my legs and it was SO HILARIOUS!

    She was a friend, but…still.

    1. Matilda Jefferies*

      HIGH five for the antidepressant mishap! (Pun intended, and my story was posted above at 11:13.)

  37. Fenchurch*

    This was quite a few years ago. I was working in a call center at the time. I needed to ask a senior member of my team for some clarification on what a caller was calling about and for some reason instead of saying “let me place you on hold” I said “let me hold you”.

    It was hard to recover my composure for a moment there!

    2. Susan*

      I had to give a status update that included talking about new hardware for a datacenter move, to my boss and his direct reports. Included was the phrase “big disks”… and yes – that is not what I said.

    3. Not Gary, Gareth*

      Oh man, I have had so many of those!!! For some reason, even though I consider myself a relatively articulate person, I just occasionally lose every last ounce of my tiny mind while talking on the phone.

      Once time, on a call with a client, I bobbled a sentence so badly that I just ended up saying “You know what, let me transfer you to someone who speaks English” and put her on hold. Luckily she found the whole thing hilarious (and so did my co-workers).

    4. OhBehave*

      I’ve said, ” I love you.” to random peeps after a friendly phone conversation. Rarely anyone I knew well.

    5. sam*

      I once mixed up “let me pop you on hold” and “let me put you on hold” and ended up with “let me poop you on hold”. Yikes

  38. Murphy*

    I actually think most of my embarrassing moments have been outside of work!

    This isn’t humiliating, but I was embarrassed. I was in animal care andwe had these terribly crappy mop buckets that our supervisors resisted replacing for a long time. It was a busy time right before a shift, so I went to change out the water in both buckets. I was bringing the especially crappy one back from the mop closet, the wheel got stuck, an it tipped over, pouring several gallons of hot bleachy water all over the floor, and my shoes, in front of tons of people. I said “Dammit” and there was a mother with her child right around the corner and she seemed annoyed by my language. I cleaned everything up, refilled the bucket, and worked the rest of my shift with wet bleachy shoes.

    1. SherBert*

      I once loudly and vehemently told my boss to go F himself and turned around to see customer standing behind me. I apologized to the customer profusely (never to my boss… he was an @$$) and she said, “I’ve always wanted to do that!”

  39. Anonforthis*

    Mine happened relatively recently. I’ve been at my company for 2 years and have a generally good reputation, so fortunately this didn’t hurt me significantly. But due to obligations both in and outside of work, I was slowly starting to experience burnout symptoms. One day, I was tired, plus my alarm didn’t go off for some reason, and I overlept on a work day. I was woken up 9:30 am from DEEP SLEEP to my coworker calling me asking “Where are you???!” And no, it was NOT A DREAM. I was horrified at myself. I apologized profusely to my manager, who was very kind about it. I then took some days off to recover from burnout. Fortunately, things have progressed at work as normal, I’m doing good work and I think most of my coworkers have moved on, but I’m still haunted by this.

    1. NeonFireworks*

      This happened to me too! And on a day when I was supposed to chair a meeting at 7:30 AM. Nothing to be done about it and my boss shrugged it off, but my subordinates were panicking and I felt AWFUL.

    2. jDC*

      Makes me grateful for my boss. I usually get in early as it’s just easier with traffic but have slept past my alarm maybe twice. Both times called my boss and he had zero problem just said “take your time, it happens”. He also has let me email him late the prior night and say something about not being able to sleep due to a horrible cough and needing to take NyQuil which will make it impossible to be in on time. He truly just says no problem. Nice to have someone actually care.
      He even took me to the ER once (picked me up form home) due to sudden, HORRIFIC, abdominal pain AND stayed with me and helped and spoke to the drs for me (a uterine cyst had ruptured). We work on healthcare so it’s less of a trauma to him but still way beyond normal boss behavior. Forever grateful.

    3. President Porpoise*

      Oh man. My first office job was very generous with holidays – we got all of the bank holidays and then two weeks at Christmas. My second job was much less generous. I discovered this when I woke up at 10:30 AM on Columbus Day, excited for my day off, only to have three or four messages from my boss, starting at 8:15 AM, wondering where I was and if I was ok. I got written up for that. I was young and thought that all offices were required to be closed on bank holidays.

      1. TooTiredToThink*

        I know someone who did something similar. Thankfully she found out at literally the last minute but she was super bummed about not getting the day off.

      2. Elizabeth West*

        At NonprofitJob years ago, a colleague didn’t show up on Columbus Day and no one could reach her. We spent half the day extremely concerned that something had happened to her. Finally, someone got hold of her–she thought we had the day off and was outside working in her garden, far away from the phone. When she came back to work the next day, we were all like, “Welcome back to the land of the living, Susan!”

      3. Howtu Comment*

        I’ve done the opposite – found out very last minute that’s the office was closed.

    4. Classic Rando*

      I used to sleepwalk as a kid, and though I grew out of it, I still have some related sleep tendencies. Occasionally, when I’m very overtired, I’ll actually turn my alarm off in my sleep. Thankfully I don’t do it often (like once every couple years), and I work from home so once my manager calls wondering why I haven’t logged in yet, it only takes a few minutes to get to work, but still.

    5. socrescentfresh*

      That’s literally my recurring nightmare. And now that I know it actually happens sometimes, it’ll probably recur even more.

    6. The New Wanderer*

      I slept through my alarm several times and showed up to work after 9 (our start time, which was enforced, was 7:30). Since I was new, I was only verbally reprimanded but I made an agreement with a couple of coworkers that they should call me if I wasn’t there by 7:40 because there’d be 100% chance I was still fast asleep.

      I also did the thing where I assumed we got Jan 2 off and just didn’t show up for work. I got very familiar with our work calendar after that!

    7. Rebecca in Dallas*

      That has happened to me before! So embarrassing. And then later that day I got stuck in a freight elevator. When my boss heard what happened, he said, “Well, that’s what you get when you’re late.” It was not my day!

  40. FatWalda*

    I was interviewing for a teacher position at a vocational school, and it was going well. The interviewers had me seated in this tan faux leather chair that, I thought, was making my backside sweaty, but I shifted and realized it wasn’t sweat– I had gotten my period unexpectedly, and soaked the seat. There was no way to hide it, as soon as I stood up it was going to be a crime scene, so I very casually said “well, it appears I’ve bled into your seat, and this is gonna be awkward in a moment.” They were very gracious and have me Lysol wipes to attend to the damage. Somehow I still ended up getting the job, and I’ve just been promoted to assistant director. That damn chair is now in my office, unscathed.

    2. AnonEMoose*

      Thinking about it, your calm handling of that issue might have contributed to you getting the offer. Or, at least, if I’d been at the other side, I’d have been impressed, as well as empathizing with you.

      1. Zombeyonce*

        Agreed. that is the comment, most professional way you could have dealt with that situation. It makes you look really good to be able to deal with something embarrassing in such a matter of fact way.

    3. Yvonne*

      They were probably impressed by how you handled the situation, I know I am. I would probably have burst into tears.

    4. LabManagerGuy*

      I think you may have handled this in the best way humanly possible, under the circumstances. I, certainly, would have marked it as a point in your favor (“Able to handle sudden, difficult situations with grace”).

      I also laughed, hard, at the fact that the chair is still in your office.

  41. MakinItToFriday*

    I was in early one morning and juggling a laptop, charger, notebook, and very large, very necessary iced coffee on my way to a meeting room. Well, the coffee didn’t quite make it and fell right out of my hands on to the floor with coffee and ice everywhere (and in a brand new office space!). Not terrible, until the CFO turned the corner and insisted on helping me scoop up ice cubes and wipe up the coffee. Fortunately, he’s a very nice guy and I took it in stride – now, there’s no way he doesn’t know who I am!

    1. CoffeeIsNotAlwaysMyFriend*

      What a nice CFO! I had a similar coffee-mishap, back when I was an executive assistant.
      I was in a meeting with all of the company’s department heads, my boss and the CFO where I was supposed to take minutes of the meeting. They had one of those big thermos with coffee on the desk for everyone to use. It was an early meeting so I desperately wanted coffee. Unfortunately I did not know how to, well, operate the thermos and instead of just pouring it, unscrewed the lid partly. Of course, when I tried pouring it in my cup, the lid came fully off and coffee splashed all over my notes. Needless to say, I was mortified.

    2. Anon for this*

      Oh my lord, you just flashed me back to a horrible memory I’d completely buried. A few years ago, a big multi-partner non-profit project was launching with funding from one of the big foundations, and my org was one of the partners. The chief grantee hosted a reception for all the partner orgs, and I drove over with some colleagues to join. There were several VIPs from my field in attendance. We all had to awkwardly stand and mingle while holding paper plates. At one point, I managed to accidentally flip my plate and COVER the floor of the chief grantee’s nice office suite in soft cheeses and crackers. I’m writhing in discomfort just writing this, and I can totally see why I buried this memory.

    3. blaise zamboni*

      Oh my god…

      One time, I set the Keurig to brew my coffee and then popped into the bathroom next to the kitchen, per my norm. Only I forgot to put the mug in the machine, so it just spewed out an extra-large mug’s worth of hot coffee all over the counter and the kitchen floor. Of course, the kitchen is visible from our treatment area, so more than a dozen clients and all of my coworkers saw it happen and then watched with amusement as I exited the bathroom and realized my mistake. I didn’t live that down for weeks, it was so mortifying.

  42. CatCat*

    I went about my day at my new job with the back of my skirt caught up in the skirt’s waist band. My new boss (kindly) alerted my quickly red-faced self.

    1. July*

      Related: I once left a bathroom stall with my skirt tucked in my tights. A stranger who worked in my building took it upon herself to free it for me. Instead of thanking her in a “weird that you touched me but okay” tone of voice, I somehow got so confounded by the whole experience I said “thanks, Mom!” and kissed her cheek.

      I left without washing my hands.

      5. crazystupid*

        My former boss was rushing to an important meeting and had a long trail of TP streaming from the waistband of his pants. I stopped him, detached it and walked away to the trash can without saying anything. I hope he does not remember this.

    2. em*

      This happened to me while on dismissal duty, so I was in the front lobby with tons of students and parents around. Someone asked if my skirt was supposed to look like that and I was just kind of like “…yes?” (because obviously I hadn’t noticed anything was wrong!) and she just smirked at me and walked away. After that I realized what she meant and fixed it, and then later when she walked by again she acted all smug and said “I knew it wasn’t supposed to be like that.” I had thick black tights so you couldn’t see through them or anything, but years later I’m still mad she couldn’t have just said “oops, your skirt!” instead of mocking me about it TWICE.

    3. Snickerdoodle*

      I’ve almost done that twice but mercifully been alerted by someone kinder than I am. I then learned to use the mirror to check.

      I specify “kinder than I am” because I recently saw a coworker I dislike leaving the restroom with toilet paper stuck to her shoe, and I didn’t say a word but watched as she trailed it all the way back to her desk.

  43. Wannabe Disney Princess*

    Either the time I tripped, spectacularly, and did a face plant or the time I got blindsided by a migraine and threw up on the floor because my boss was in the bathroom and I couldn’t make it outside.

      1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        I’m pretty good at managing them (had them since I was a kid), but every so often one barrels through and hits me like a freight train. That was one of those days.

        Luckily, it was a retail job and the floor was tile.

      2. Rebecca in Dallas*

        I have a fear of this! I work in an open office plan and once had to grab my trash can and bolt into my boss’ (unoccupied) office. Thankfully I just dry-heaved but once the nausea had passed, I went home for the day (with a plastic bag on my lap just in case).

    2. Iconoclast in California*

      I now realize that the new mini garbage can at our desks in our new (open plan hell) office can serve as a convenient barf bucket.

    3. Amethyst*

      OMG, the faceplant reminded me of the time I misjudged the number of stairs leaving a building (at school; my nose planted in a book I was reading at the time), took an extra step that was unnecessary, staggered a few more steps, and veered off the pavement onto the grass where I gave myself a few scrapes on my nose and upper lip and a blood fountain came from my nose.

      I went back to school a couple days later with a swollen nose and lip and was told by a teacher that my classmate reported that I’d “cracked my head open” in my fall, and to see the actual damage done, she said she’d worried about me unnecessarily for those two days I missed class, lol.

  44. zimmertaco*

    I walked around a crowded office all morning with a pair of lacey panties stuck to my black fleece jacket. Static FTW. How could no one say anything!

    2. President Porpoise*

      In college, my husband was once walking to his class, and thought he had a sock stuck in his pants leg. He reached down to pull it out and is was a pair of boxers. The cute girl that he was standing next to when this happened looked scandalized.

      1. Zombeyonce*

        A previous boyfriend of mine went to work and spent most of the day with an itchy spot on his leg. When he finally investigated, he dound a pair of lacey underwear stuck to the inside of his pants from static cling in the laundry. It could have been much worse.

    4. SherBert*

      Not work-related but we were once walking through K-Mart and a pair of panties worked their way out of my friend’s pant leg… she just kept walking! LOL

    5. willow*

      This one got me the most! And I am imagining they weren’t wadded up or folded over, but were fully splayed out in all their glory!

      1. zimmertaco*

        Oh yeah. I pulled the jacket out of the drier and clearly wasn’t paying enough attention. It was certainly mortifying, but I figured since everyone else spent all day pretending I wasn’t displaying my underwear that I could continue that legal fiction and live the rest of my life pretending I had not done so.

  45. CatCat*

    Also, first day at a new job, I showed up at the wrong location. Pretty sure my new boss thought I was a moron. But it all worked out fine in the end.

  46. Temperance*

    A few years ago, my commuter train was replaced with a bus. One morning, I apparently sat in bus cleaner/deodorizer (yuck) and just thought that I was sweaty.

    I went to a meeting, and noticed that the bus smell was lingering in the room. I assumed that it was in my nose, but then I slowly realized that nope, it was me.

    I did get SEPTA to pay for the new dress that I had to buy to get through my networking events that night, lol.

  47. michelenyc*

    My mom had used the restroom at work and she walked out of the bathroom with the paper toilet seat cover tucked into her pants.

  48. Peaches*

    Mostly just crying at my extremely toxic OldJob, and not caring if anyone saw it. I was a 21-year-old fresh out of college working for a huge, multinational company. I sat in a cube within a large, open office and would just start crying at my desk when I was having a mental breakdown . Sometimes, this was several times a week. The job itself definitely warranted the emotions I was feeling, but in retrospect, I’m embarrassed that I didn’t at least find somewhere private to cry. :)

    1. Snickerdoodle*

      Ooof. I had a boss at Toxic OldJob who would start BAWLING at her desk when “her neck hurt.” Except it was obviously faked for attention, and nobody responded.

  49. OnTheSpot*

    Many years ago I’d just gotten a job at a university admissions department. After a few days the department head was back in the office and we were going to meet for the first time. He walked over to my desk to shake my hand and as I reached out, I knocked over a 16-oz bottle of soda and it soaked the front of his pants.

    2. MtnLaurel*

      I did this just last year! Only it was coffee and went all over my supervisor. :-( He was wonderfully gracious about the whole thing but I kept hoping the floor would swallow me up.

  50. Scrooge McDunk*

    I spent many years working customer service for a newspaper, and one of my duties was to make service checks on customers starting or restarting their subscription. A short, simple call I’d made hundreds of times: “Hi, it’s Scrooge from the Herald. Just calling to make sure you got your paper today. Great, thanks! Have a good day.”

    And then one day it happened. My mouth revolted against me, and what came out instead was: “Hi, it’s Scrooge from the Herald. Just calling to make sure you got your pooper today.” There was an interminable 30 second pause, then the poor lady on the other end of the line burst into uncontrolled gales of laughter. She laughed so hard she couldn’t answer my (incredibly mangled) question. I guess it’s good I got a customer with a good sense of humour?

  51. seriousmoonlight*

    A week or two into a new job, I stood up from my desk to shake someone’s hand. As I did, my chair rolled away and when I went to sit back down, I ended up flat on the floor. Weirdly, I was actually kind of proud that I was not as completely mortified as I would have been in the past, and I look at it as a turning point in how I handle public embarrassment.

    1. Emma*

      I did this! I was brand new – I was still in induction/training, but I’d done some aspects of the work in my previous job so I got going quickly with those bits.

      I was doing some paperwork with a client, at a desk in the open front office, in full view of my team and the waiting room full of clients. I got up to photocopy something, went to sit back down, misjudged the location of the chair in relation to my arse, and wound up on the floor. I started laughing my head off, which is a good tactic as it stops other people feeling awkward, but I was pretty red-faced inside!

      I’ve been there a couple years now, and my team are used to me. Recently I made a comment about being a klutz, something like “You know what I’m like, you’ve all seen me walk into walls” and everyone in the room either smiled to themselves or, in one case, actually nodded.

      1. Crazy Cat Person*

        Oh, me too – both missing my chair and ending up in an embarrassed heap on the floor, and being a well-known klutz. At my last job, it got to the point that whenever there was a strange noise in the office I felt the need to clarify whether or not it was caused by me dropping, tripping over, or walking into something!

      2. RubyMoon*

        Office klutzes unite!
        Some highlights from my blooper reel:
        1.) broke my nose trying to drink from a coffee mug. I sneezed and slammed the rim of the cup into my nose. oh…so many sippy cups left on my desk after that one.
        2.) broke 2 ribs falling on top of a pallet of crankshafts, which I backed into because I was trying to manipulate an oxyacetylene welding rig around a stock delivery. I remain supremely proud of the fact that I did not lose control of either bottle at any point in time. Still got called Princess Shop-rocket.
        My least favorite, and most embarrassing:
        I worked at an office on Main Street, Right across from the state Capitol. There was a little courtyard/square with a fountain, some shops, and a fantastic deli at street level on the side of the building (Eagle Sq anyone?) that ended up being the “smoker’s lounge” for us and another office in our building (like…5 or six of us total). Right across from the Capitol. Near a seriously awesome deli. Smoking with a coworker one fine lunch break, and the Governor strolls by and stops to glad-hand, etc. I step back from shaking his hand, slip on the snow, and go a** over teakettle halfway down the hill to fetch up in the deli’s bushes, missing one shoe, my glasses and any dignity. Thank heavens I wore pants that day!

  52. beagle mama*

    I was wearing platform shoes at work (it was the late 90’s, lots of fashion tragedies). I was standing at a colleague’s desk chatting when I turned one of my ankles and toppled over into the hallway. My friend had looked away for a moment, so all she knew was I was there one minute then gone (half wall cube) but the other folks in our pod saw me laid out like I was in an episode of AbFab.

    1. [insert witty username here]*

      I have a bad habit of fidgeting/rolling my ankles/shifting my weight when just standing still and I was doing so one day wearing heels one day while standing talking to a coworker and I literally just fell down. Like a felled tree. And I’m not a small person. Luckily, there weren’t too many people around but I wanted the ground to just swallow me up *facepalm* I’ve since been better about being able to stand still and making sure I have a sturdy stance….

      1. Hlyssande*

        I also roll my ankles standing still, or walking on flat surfaces, smooth floors, all sorts of places that normally wouldn’t happen.

        In college, I remember standing at the finance office’s service window waiting for the nice lady to pull up a record for me, and bam – ankle rolled, I toppled like a tree. I’ve also done it standing up from a chair while holding a bunch of papers which resulted in them going everywhere while people looked at me in horror.

        1. Charlotte Collins*

          I do too! In my case, I have very loose ligaments and have had to have PT to help with the issue. But I’ve also had people comment when I’ve been wearing high-heeled shoes. Unless I’m wearing no shoes, I will do it no matter how high my heels.

    2. Indigo a la mode*

      Imagining your coworker looking up and around at your magic POOF disappearance is making me tear up with suppressed laughter. This is amazing.

  53. giraffe*

    Make sure you close out of your personal email, work email, chat programs, Buzzfeed quizzes, and *everything* before sharing your screen!!!!!!!

    I’ve had a couple of minor embarrassments but nothing as bad as my one coworker who forgot he was sharing his whole screen during a call, and IM’ed another person in the meeting to complain about a third person in the meeting. We all just sat there silently in horror watching our screens. (well, it was a conference call, so I don’t know what everyone else was doing.)

      1. giraffe*

        I was new and the guy who did it was about to retire, and there were a lot of Office Politics going on. I thought about sending him an IM to let him know, except then everyone else would see that too, and the politicking was such that it seemed like a bad idea for me to be so publicly in his corner — so I chose to just let it ride. It was so awkward!

    2. [insert witty username here]*

      I’ve had someone forget to close out a screen share with me and then they messaged someone else to talk crap about how stupid and fat I am. You bet your arse I grabbed screenshots. Our mutual boss was NOT pleased.

      1. Jules Verne*

        Oh noooo that’s terrible, but at least you got screenshots!!

        I work with PHI at my job so I’m very conscientious to immediately end a screenshare as soon as I’m done. Most of the time I’m viewing someone else’s screen, so it’s more for their privacy than mine. Still, I live in fear of messing this up one day…

    4. JokersandRogues*

      I messaged someone and didn’t realize they were presenting. I was complaining about someone next to me who was on the phone and was LOUD and said,” He’s repeated the same thing for the third time! Even I know by this point!”
      Unfortunately, she hadn’t shut off here IM, and it appeared in front of the management team like magic. Everyone in there knew exactly who/what I was talking about. So embarrassing for both the presenter and me. Didn’t get in trouble, she said they just laughed, but still.

    5. AlexandrinaVictoria*

      Once shared my screen for a conference call with the document I was writing describing why I was seeking a new position with the company. Oops.

    6. The Original Karen from Finance*

      This is my fear! Every time I start a GTM or WebEx I close out everything except the browser/GTM and the agenda (if any). OMG I have second-hand embarrassment for your coworker.

    7. Snickerdoodle*

      HA! I guess I’ll stop worrying about my embarrassing desktop background, then. (It’s a silly animal picture, nothing NSFW, but not exactly appropriate. But nobody has ever commented!)

    8. Anon E. Mouse*

      My husband and I usually chat on G-chat throughout the day. One day he was complaining about how the people in his office (very small company) were driving him crazy.

      Later that day, I messaged him, “Are your coworkers still being annoying?” Yeah, he had his screen projected to show everyone something.

    9. Howtu Comment*

      My company switched meeting software. For about two months every meeting had a least 1person who didn’t realize they had to disable their camera, otherwise we could see them eat, goof around, & most memorable pick their nose.

  54. YB anon*

    In no particular order:
    1. Had an incident very similar to the lady last week who peed her pants. I was 19, wasn’t paying attention close enough to my body’s signals, and all of a sudden I had to pee RIGHT THEN. Enter frantic attempts to get to the elevator on my rolling chair discreetly to get downstairs to the bathroom. Oh, and to make matters worse, the only person I could call to my rescue was my mom, who also worked at the same office. She was a champ that day. I’m surprised I came back to work the next day. By some miracle there were not many people around and I think no one other than her knew.
    2. Spilled part of a beverage on a colleague from another company during a convention dinner. I was still fairly junior, and that might have been my first convention (many years ago, can’t quite recall for sure). I was sure my picture would show up next to the word “mortified” in the next version of Webster’s dictionary.
    3. While making small talk with my company’s president (who has twins) and finding out that her sister also has twins, I asked “Oh, do twins run in your family?” – there are a lot of twins on my paternal side of the family, so I thought it might be something we had in common – she politely responded that no, they were the results of IVF. Wish I could have seen the shades of red on my face.

    Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m still embarrassed about all of these. My embarrassment does not die down easily. I still relive embarrassing incidents from my childhood for goodness’ sake.

    1. YB anon*

      Oh, yeah, then there’s this one:
      4. I was doing research at a county courthouse. Being the odd sort of person that I am, I had stopped on my way in to chatter to a squirrel running around a tree (I’d like to think it was not super obvious to anyone more than a few feet away) when a colleague from another company walked by and basically caught me in mid-conversation with a squirrel. To make it even better, I said something to her like, “Oh, wow, I bet I look really (r-word) right now.” The r-word was well out of my regular vocabulary by that point because it’s terrible and hurtful, and I try to never say it, especially not in public. But my brain decided that was the word I wanted to use to describe myself at that moment. Yep, that still feels like it only happened yesterday too. I’m going to stop trying to remember these now. Ugh.

          1. Rosie M. Banks*

            When I was in grad school, I was taking a walk around the neighborhood. I turned a corner and ran into a professor of mine who was having an animated conversation with a dog. Dog: Bark! Bark! Bark! Professor: Bark, bark! BARK! He looked like he wanted to die of embarrassment when he saw me. Honestly, I had never liked this professor before that moment, but this moment of silliness made me like him a lot more.

            1. CommanderBanana*

              I talk to my dogs all the time – they’re rescues and were very noise reaction when they were adopted, so I kept up a steady stream of chatter when we walked so they could hear that I wasn’t alarmed and it seemed to help…except now I can’t stop doing it.

        2. Rebecca in Dallas*

          Oh I talk to animals all the time! So far I haven’t been caught. I did get caught chasing a squirrel once (not in a mean way, I was pretending I wanted to pet it).

    2. Dragoning*

      I’m terrified I’ve been making all sorts of awkward conversation now….why did the company president mentioning IVF embarrass you so much?

      1. YB anon*

        I don’t quite understand how/why it embarrassed me. A lot of times I think my embarrassment is illogical, but it doesn’t stop it. I guess by IVF being brought up, it then brings to light that she presumably had fertility troubles, which is sort of the opposite of my assumption that twins ran in her family. FWIW, she probably didn’t think anything of it but man I just felt so awkward.

        1. Indigo a la mode*

          I think if she were uncomfortable talking about the IVF/fertility issues, she would have just said “No.” IVF isn’t anything to be ashamed about–amazing how many more families get to have kids because of it–so I don’t think she was dinging you at all. :)

        2. Howtu Comment*

          Twins through IVF are super common. The number of twins is going up because of it. It is so common is just not embarrassing, it is just a trivial fact.

    3. Esme Squalor*

      Don’t give yourself a hard time over the IVF exchange! You really did nothing wrong there, and I think the onus was really on the president to make that moment not awkward.

    4. Mona Lisa Vito*

      I did the same thing with an IVF situation! My boss was in her early forties and it seemed like ALL her friends were having twins (she talked a lot about going to baby showers, going to see new babies, etc). I brought up what a coincidence that was and got a very cold response about ladies of a certain age using IVF. It was very clear that I hit a sore spot. So cringey!!!

  55. Betsy Bobbins*

    This was back in the 90’s when I was a young woman. I was teaching an aerobics class during the summer in a studio that was only cooled by fans. Needless to say it got very warm and everyone was sweating pretty heavily. My attention was focused on the men and women in my class so I didn’t notice, until it was almost over, that my white sports bra was was completely wet…and very transparent. There was absolutely nothing left to the imagination, I might as well have taught the class topless.

    1. That Girl From Quinn's House*

      As someone who worked in the fitness sector, I can tell you that was both an OSHA violation (for employees) and a facility safety violation (for the participants) so it is not your fault in the slightest.

      1. Zombeyonce*

        I love that I first read your comment as her see-through bra being an OSHA violation, and not the lack of air conditioning.

        1. Environmental Compliance*

          I also read it that way, and was honestly bemused at how in the world a see thru bra would concern OSHA.

          1. Indigo a la mode*

            Me too. I reread it a couple of times wondering if it was the studio’s uniform that they forced her to wear or something. Silly brain!

  56. Justin*

    My very first day at my previous job, I was coming off of a really toxic job where my sleep had been affected. I had started taking an occasional sleeping pill to get any rest.

    The night before this job, I was tense, but in a good way, because it was to be my first big boy job with benefits and such (at least excluding time in other countries with better healthcare).

    So I took a sleeping pill at midnight, figured I’d get some rest.

    Shortly after I took the pill, I heard a bunch of trucks outside (I lived in Manhattan). I was a little confused because it was a lot more traffic than midnight usually gets. So I looked at my clock and it was…. 6.

    My first day of work was starting at 9. The pill doesn’t even really knock you out until an hour has passed. So I was very, very, very, sleepy for pretty much my entire first workday. I told my boss… a few days later.

    Note: Always look at the time before you decide to try and knock yourself out.

  57. Lady Rhyall*

    I was the receptionist and was getting coffee for a super important client and forgot that the coffee nook was kind of set back into the wall of the hallway. I asked if he wanted sugar and turned to go get some down the hall in the kitchen and fully slammed straight into the wall with all the power of an overeager receptionist whose job depends on pleasing clients. I cut my eyebrow so bad that blood trickled down my face and my knee was so screwed up I couldn’t walk without limping. It was a Friday so by Monday I had a beautiful yellow and purple black eye and a big old cut right through my eyebrow like Khal Drogo. Mortifying.

  58. top secret name*

    2 things at my first job out of college, when I was 22.

    1. Felt off on my way into the office, vomited in the bathroom on the floor near the drain, but not in the stall. Had to go find the office manager and say “I threw up in the bathroom, we need to call the cleaners.” Honestly I was so sick (out with stomach bug for 3 days) I didn’t realize I should be embarrassed until I was better.

    2. At that same job, we had clients come in from out of town and someone decided since they were all dog lovers we’d get them dog treats from the fancy bakery across the street. Then we had to sit and watch as the lead client ate one.

    1. Yvonne*

      Wouldn’t it be funny if one of the other comments was “I was on a business trip and our hosts, knowing i was a dog lover, kindly gifted me fancy dog treats. Only I didn’t realize what they were at first and ate one, right there in front of everyone.”

      1. Esme Squalor*

        Now that you point that out, that really is the more embarrassing half of that story!

  59. Blood Fountain...*

    Back in the days before ear buds were big, I had my headphones on at work, plugged into my computer. Suddenly, I realized I was going to be late for a big meeting with my direct boss and his boss. I was coordinating so I could *not* be late! I popped up from my chair… but the headphones had other ideas. Instead of coming off, they dragged my laptop off the edge of the desk which whiplashed my head straight back down, and I smacked the tender part of the bridge of my nose right on the edge of the desk. Blood fountain. I grabbed a paper towel and went to the meeting, covered in blood, mascara everywhere from tears that would not stop, and a rapidly swelling nose. They both asked if I wanted to reschedule, but honestly it was too hard to get on the director’s calendar, so I powered through. Nose wasn’t broken, but I had two black eyes for the next week.

    3. Snickerdoodle*

      Yikes! I’ve accidentally ripped out my earbuds so my speakers suddenly started blasting punk rock through the office. Your story is so much worse!

  60. Anon and on and on*

    Let’s see, slipped and fell in the lobby while on crutches = ambulance ride. Passed out and fell on the floor by my desk (people thought a cabinet fell over) = EMTs stage whispering “any chance you are pregnant” while putting me on a stretcher and ambulance ride. Standing on a wheeled chair to talk over cube wall, spinning and crashing to the ground (on my birthday) =/= ambulance ride, just “that’s what you get.” from coworker.
    So the most embarrassing thing happened about 15 years ago. I called my parents’ house to ask my mom something, my brother was there and I asked him something. Somehow our thirty odd year old selves ended up in a sibling whisper/screaming match because (trust me it was all his fault!) he was being an ass. I hung up on him but then my boss came over and told me to keep it down, people were commenting. and to not let that happen again.
    I wanted to die.

  61. Lepidoptera*

    Called 911 THREE TIMES in one day while trying to call the parent office in Switzerland.

    There’s a reason to avoid using 9 for getting an outside line, folks.

    1. Lady Rhyall*

      Yes! I used to get calls at the switchboard from the 911 dispatch calling back because “someone from this number” called them. I could never tell them who it was (because I didn’t know) and they seemed exhausted by this issue.

    2. AnonEMoose*

      I was a 911 operator for a brief time. You would never believe how many people dialed 911 when they meant to dial 411. If it happens, just stay on the line long enough to tell them you dialed wrong, and all should be well.

    3. CoveredInBees*

      This happened at my apartment building! They’d just put in the fancy new intercom system that would call our phone line to let people in. Also, you could dial 911 from the keypad to reach the management office if you needed them, since this was when almost nobody had cell phones. Apparently, I was the first to call and it went as badly as expected. Even though I explained the situation, they had to send a police car by. The code for reaching the office was changed quite promptly after that.

    4. Jady*

      My previous job moved locations shortly after I started there. The new office was setup so they had to use the 9 to dial out.

      For about 6 months we’d get an officer at the building at least once a week. Multiple times a week in the very beginning. Not an exaggeration in the slightest! The policed warned the company multiple times they’d be fined if people kept doing it. It would die down for awhile and then start happening again!

      As far as I know, no one knew who was doing it.

      I was friends with the (only) IT guy in our branch office. He was FURIOUS every time it happened. He didn’t have a way to figure out who was doing it, and he said multiple times that the office couldn’t change to use a different number than 9. (Probably company red-tape over technical ability.)

      It was pretty entertaining to watch from afar.

      1. Tivs*

        A few months ago I dialed 9 to get out then accidentally hit the ‘0’ button on my way to the actual number. I was doing some other boring task on the computer while absentmindedly navigating through the robot tree on my way to a live person on the other end. Then I got to the live person, said “Hi, I’m calling regarding a teapot account for…

        “Um, this is the operator at your telephone company. You dialed zero before the number.”

        “oh god, I’m sorry…”

        “Would you like me to connect you to the number you were trying to reach?”

        “uh… no… I can… do it”

  62. AnonGoodNurse*

    This didn’t happen to me personally, but I witnessed it. Years ago, I worked in a small law firm that was located in a small house with 1.5 bathrooms. The bathroom in the back was really a closet with a toilet a sink. We usually kept the door closed when not in use because it was directly adjacent to a storage area and the kitchen and nobody wanted to be staring into a water closet whilst eating lunch. We weren’t supposed to use the bathroom in the front because it was for our clients. Every morning around 10 am, one of the attorneys would boldly stroll into the closet bathroom for his daily business. He’d be in there for about 30 minutes.
    We’d recently hired a new paralegal. One morning, she went to use the bathroom, but wasn’t aware of the attorney’s daily, erm, appointment. Apparently he didn’t bother to lock the door. I was in the kitchen and heard loud screams from both of them when she opened the door to the bathroom to find the attorney sitting on the toilet reading the paper.
    She slammed the door and the left the building. We weren’t sure she would ever come back, but eventually she did. (And yes, he learned to lock the door after that…)

    1. Liz*

      well, serves him right. You want privacy, lock the door. Seems kind of entitled to me to think that everyone should know his “appointment” schedule :)

  63. Chuck*

    I work at a medical center, currently with fellows, previously with residents. Residents are full doctors who have their MD but still need additional training, so our department runs its own clinic. I go to that clinic. Everything’s fine and all the doctors who have seen me have been professional.

    Thing is, the residents’ fax number is listed as the academic office fax number, AKA the office I and all my coworkers worked in. This was something we have been trying to get fixed ever since I started working there. One day while I was out notes from my checkup, including some pretty sensitive GI information, came over the fax machine. My coworkers saw it and put it on my desk instead of faxing it through.

    The good thing is, once I emailed the clinic to say that this was a HIPAA violation and I didn’t want it to happen again, they got the numbers updated.

    1. TurquoiseCow*

      My current office has a fax machine, and set it up so that everyone in the office gets a PDF of whatever has been faxed, so you don’t miss anything important that you might have if you didn’t walk over to the printer/copier/fax machine. Mostly we get advertisements.

      Recently, however, one of my coworkers hurt his leg and was out for a bit while it was healing. I guess they asked him for a doctor’s note, because the doctor faxed in a note saying he was going to be out for a while because of an injury. There was nothing seriously embarrassing on it, but I made a mental note to tell my doctor not to fax information over if I was ever in that situation.

  64. Alianne*

    My first year as a paralegal, I bent down to feed some paper into the shredder…and heard the seat of my pants rip. To add insult to injury, it happened ten seconds before a client arrived, and it was the day I was wearing…colorful undergarments. I somehow managed to walk them into the conference room without ever having my back to the client, and explained the situation hurriedly to my boss. Since my commute at the time was 45 minutes one-way, I just tied my jacket around my waist (boss was 100% sympathetic) and forged through the rest of the day.

  65. SubwayFan*

    I had to be on a call for a massive company-wide customer-facing event that was coming up and it happened on a day I needed to work from home. My computer audio wasn’t working, so I called in from my cell phone and put myself on mute, since I was mostly listening to catch some key info to bring back to my team. During a long side discussion, I thought I’d pop down to the basement to swap the laundry from the washer to the dryer. Except my washing machine drained at the time into a shop sink, which decided to be plugged up and had overflowed all over my basement floor.

    The obvious solution was to hang up the concall, but I was panicking so I just said to myself, okay, I’ll call my in-laws next door on the land line and see if they have any Drano to drain this shop sink, and then I can get back to the call. I take out one earbud from my cell phone thinking it’s still on mute, call my father in law, and I’m screaming about the water, and there’s the splash of all the water, etc. And then suddenly, from my remaining earbud, I hear someone shout “WHOEVER IS HAVING A PLUMBING EMERGENCY CAN YOU PLEASE GO ON MUTE!”

    Of course I hung up then. The good news is by not being on computer audio, I had only shown up as “Guest” in the general con call, but I was mortified, and for the next year I would compulsively check my mute status on any call I was on. I later checked with someone else I knew who was on the call and he assured me no one knew it was me. I now use this story as an intro to con call etiquette whenever I’m training interns. (I also called a plumber and got my washing machine drain reconfigured.)

    1. Lepidoptera*

      I once had a colleague log into a conference call from her car while driving her toddler son home from daycare…he screamed “I NEED TO POOP” twice before she finally muted.

    2. Peaches*

      Hahah oh no! That is always my biggest fear with conference calls. I too meticulously check to make sure I’m muted.

    3. iglwif*

      Oh noooooooooo

      I work at home and I have a dog, and he naps most of the day but whenever there is any slight disturbance in the Force–such as, oh, someone daring to walk around in the hallway outside our front door–he barks.

      I mostly stay on mute during conference calls, but recently I was listening, unmuted but not saying anything because I didn’t have anything particular to add to the conversation, and he was quiet and then suddenly BORKBORKBORKBORKBORK

      And the person running the call said “Oh! Igl *is* on the call! Sorry, Igl, I didn’t realize you were here.”

      (This is not helped by the new conference call system which asks you to record your name, but doesn’t use it except when you leave the call. So it’s impossible to tell when someone joins the call or, when they do, who they are.)

      1. crazystupid*

        Someone not on mute once ordered a large number of hamburgers at a drive through while called into our CEO’s all-hands meeting. It was 9 am.

      2. Yet another Kat*

        My dog LOVES to bark when I’m on a call, but generally will only start baking when I start speaking (I guess he is jealous of my attention?). Needless to say, I rarely dial in to calls from home when I have to present…

        1. FoxyDog*

          My cat does this. I can’t talk on the phone or to my dog without a accompanying MEOW MEOW MEOW.

      3. SherBert*

        My grand boss was calling into a weekly staff meeting recently because he “had to work from home.” Turns out he was getting his car inspected, and we knew this because we could hear him talking to the mechanic while we were trying to hold our meeting….

      4. LessNosy*

        I work from home as well and have very vocal cats who have spoken up during multiple calls! One of the first times it happened, I answered the phone and one of our sales managers I was working with at the time was on the line. I got out “Hello, this is LessNosy” and then my MOST vocal cat got right in my face and let out a huge “MRRROWWW!” Sales manager laughed it off and I now think it’s hilarious but I was mortified at the time!

    4. patricia*

      It wasn’t my work but my husband’s- he was at home listening to an all-hands call for his division at a very large multi-national corporation, and I happened to be working at home at the same time. He was usually really good about muting his phone and it was clear he wasn’t speaking, so I started asking him what he was listening to and making fun of the speaker (I said he sounded like a tool and kind of pretentious, which in fairness he did). My husband was like, well, he’s the Big Cheese of this division, and then he started getting IMs that he wasn’t on mute and everyone around the world had heard our conversation. The only reason I didn’t die RIGHT THEN is because the floor didn’t swallow me up like I prayed it would. Thank goodness I don’t actually work with those folks. I might never have recovered.

  66. Samwise*

    While a grad student doing secretarial work in a large academic dept (not my own, thank goodness), running errands, see a middle-aged woman with a friendly face heading into the copy room. I walk up to her and say, Hi! could you help me out and xerox these handouts for Professor X? She suddenly looked extremely unfriendly and coldly responded, I’m Professor Y — just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I’m a secretary.

  67. CoveredInBees*

    I almost stabbed the head of my agency, now the governor of my state. I got called to a meeting ASAP on the “executive floor” where I was basically never supposed to be. The layout was entirely different from the rest of the building, so naturally I got lost. I turned a corner at a t-junction with an uncapped razon-point pen one hand while carrying a stack of binders. just as he and his security walked by. I stopped inches from accidentally stabbing him and almost fell backward. He glared at me and kept walking without saying a word. I thought I might be fired but luckily (?) he never bothered himself with the lower pay grades, so I was safe.

  68. Tonya*

    I have a fear of geese so an obnoxious coworker got a fake one from a garden store and put it under my desk. I pulled out my chair when I got to work and screamed so loud that security and several others came to check it out. Our COO shook his head and asked why I would think it was realistic that a live goose would be under my desk. I was 22 and had worked at this job for two months so I was mortified.

    The best part? The coworker was mad that she couldn’t return the fake goose to the garden store and wanted me to pay half. I refused of course but shudder. Had to endure a few years of her pranks.

    1. iglwif*

      Has … has that COO ever met a goose? IME, it is realistic for them to be anywhere they damn well please because they do not care about your stupid human rules.

    3. Peaches*

      I too am terrified of geese. I would absolutely have the same reaction if someone put a fake goose under my desk! Also, your COO’s comment is silly to me. Seeing something you fear doesn’t allow reason to kick in before having an extreme reaction!

      My husband and I were on a run last year near a pond, and there was a particularly large goose standing next to the running path. From distance, I said to my husband “that goose is staring us down, we need to turn around and run the other direction.” He thought I was being silly, so we carried on. When we got to be about 10 feet from the goose, he CHARGED towards us. We’d never ran so fast in the other direction! I have despised geese ever since.

      1. JustaTech*

        I’m not afraid of geese, but I have a very healthy respect for them, especially when they have goslings. To avoid a flock of geese with goslings I have 1) run into the street, 2) run through a group of very large men having an intense conversation.

        Do not mess with geese!

      2. Artemesia*

        A colleague of a relative was bitten by a rabid fox on the golf course while golfing with the relative and several other colleagues — he ended up clubbing it off his leg with the golf club and it was caught and tested and he had rabies shots. My charming relative got one of those realistic stuffed fox toys from FAO Schwartz and hid it under his desk to the delight of all except the guy with the rabies antibodies.

      3. Sleepless*

        I’m a little scared of geese too. I eat lunch at a small, lovely park. The ducks are cute, but the geese make me nervous. One was giving me quite the stink eye one day when there was a school group nearby, and all I could think was that if it actually came after me, I was going to make a full-on scene in front of all those kids.

    5. Macy's Addict*

      Wow. I’m glad she at least had to pay for her prank, albeit not in the way I would’ve expected. Sorry she was so obnoxious. You’d think she’d tone it down after that one.

    6. Esme Squalor*

      What the hell is wrong with your coworker that she wanted you to reimburse her for a mean prank she pulled on you???

  69. Jemima Bond*

    1) Pale trousers. Arsenal playing at home. Say no more. (Except that praise be to the work gods that I was in a role where it made sense to have spare jeans/top/sweater in one’s drawer or cupboard.)

    2) Leant over too far to point at something on a colleague’s screen to help him; chair toppled over and yours truly was flat on my back looking up at an open plan office full of horrified faces, attention drawn by the loud crash. Gravity, thou art a heartless b!tch.

    c) shift/overtime related sleep deprivation – you know when you are so tired you just. Can’t. Cope. With the smallest upset. So when someone was a bit testy with me on the phone I had to rush to the loo in tears and my manager saw. Fortunately he was a good kind man and was only concerned I was ok so I felt better after I explained. But I was months into my first ever grownup job and I was mortified!

    1. Hermione'sAtTheLibrary*

      Re a:, that is the best euphemism for having a period I have ever heard — new to me as I’m in the U.S.

    3. Jemima Bond*

      Yw, just thought I would share a “charming” British euphemism! For interested persons, it’s based on the fact that popular London soccer team Arsenal play in a strip that is all red…

    5. Hills to Die on*

      My favorites came from my 14-yo daughter and her friends:

      1. Japan is attacking (big red period on the flag)
      2. Satan’s waterfall

      They crack me up.

  70. Jay*

    My first day at work with bifocals on, I walked into an exam room, greeted the patient, glanced behind me to locate the wheeled stool, and sat down, as per usual. I completely misjudged the location of the stool and sat right on the edge It flew backwards, slammed into the door with a huge bang, and I sat down hard on the floor. The patient screamed and my entire office staff poured into the very small room, some holding emergency equipment. I was of course wearing a skirt…..oy.

  71. Jan Levinson*

    I was doing a week of training at our corporate office for a new position I was in, with eight others from around the country. We were all seated at individual desks in a ‘U’ shape, and corporate employees would take turns giving presentations from the inside of the ‘U’.

    One day, I was reaching across my desk to straighten my laptop, and managed to bump a full, open Diet Coke can off of the guy next to me’s desk. The can dropped right in the middle of the presentation area and spilled/fizzed EVERYWHERE. Coincidentally, I work for a cleaning supply company, and one of the corporate employees used the spill as an opportunity to show everyone how great one of our products worked at removing dark stains from carpet. :) Luckily, everyone was lighthearted, and many of my fellow trainees teased me saying, “did you do that on purpose so Mr. Corporate Employee could show us how well Product X works? That made me feel better, but I was still pretty mortified!

  72. ThatGirl*

    Last summer my manager, who I really liked, either got let go or decided to leave of her own volition really abruptly on the same day that a new person started and I was left overwhelmed to train the new person all on my own. We got through the week as best we could and at some point in the next week or so I met with my new/temporary manager to discuss what had been happening. At this point my brother was also in the hospital so I had a lot of stress and I started crying out of nowhere, completely embarrassed. To top it off I cried in front of her a second time a few weeks later, she was very nice about it, but the last thing I wanted was to be That Lady Who Cries A Lot.

  73. je parle très good français*

    Not quite at work, but in an interview. I majored in French in college and speak the language very well (not quite fluent, but very, very proficient). I applied for a job at a call center for French language customer support. Naturally, some of the French-speaking support agents spoke with me during the interview.

    I forgot every single word of French I knew.

    I spluttered and tried to form coherent sentences, but in my panic, my brain just went NOPE and threw all French out the window (ou, la fenêtre). My answers went along the lines of, “uh…je…parle…français…” instead of the lovely French I usually spoke. Basically, my answers sounded like “I speak goodest French, real good, the best.” I think my face is still red from embarrassment from that moment, and that was almost five years ago.

    (Oh, and I most definitely did not get the job.)

    1. Treecat*

      Oh NO, I feel you on this. I also speak French quite well and I have also had experiences where my entire brain was just like “Quelle langue? Pas cette langue!” and abandoned me when I needed it.

      Solidarity cringe.

    2. nnn*

      That happened my very first day at a bilingual job! I did fine in the interview, but in the job, facing customers, I just froze!

    3. KMM*

      Bahahaha! This too has happened to me. I took French in high school and we planned a * big * France trip for after graduation with the whole family. Everyone was counting on me and had to listen to me rave about my fluency for weeks leading up to the trip. We land and jet lag was not my friend and I forgot everything I ever learned. Reading and writing french well is one thing, but I didn’t have enough conversational practice up to that point. By day 3 it was better but boy those first two days were ROUGH and I was soooo embarrassed! I still love the language though and ended up picking it up as a college minor and still find ways to use it today =).

    4. Washi*

      I feel you. I speak another language at work and these are some of the things I’ve said accidentally:

      “When I don’t understand, sometimes I just smile and throw my head.”
      “Sophia brought us all little skulls back from vacation.”
      “I’m going to go pee at my desk now.”

      1. Lola*

        I’m crying at my desk right now. I also speak another language at work (French, actually) and when I’m really tired or have been in English brain for too long, this must be what I sound like to my colleagues. When I’m in French-English translation brain for too long, I can’t speak either language.

  74. Junk Food Octopus*

    Not probably the *most* embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me at work, but did truly happen this morning… Siri on my phone likes to occasionally randomly FaceTime the most inappropriate people (my best friend’s new husband, or my great uncle). This morning at 7 am while in my pocket it FaceTimed a consultant I’ve been working with lately – and then my stupid iPhone froze so I couldn’t even hang up before it went through! She was an hour behind in a different time zone (so, 6 am her time) and answered the call, I had clearly woken her up. I felt terrible and briefly considered suing apple for this stupid Siri face-timing crap; luckily the consultant and I are close and she’s butt-facetimed me before so I hope later today she’ll laugh at it. I did send an apology email though…

  75. Theophania*

    I collapsed at work last summer after projectile vomiting all over the bathroom–turns out I was passing gallstones that decided to go through my pancreas. I asked a coworker to call site medical and he stayed with me while I collapsed on my desk, apologizing for the inconvenience the entire time. Ended up being ambulanced out and landed in the hospital for months.

    Do not recommend.

  76. Jamie*

    During my first job out of law school, I went to a conference. I was sitting at a swanky dinner with these nice palazzo pants (they were in then!). But, when I excused myself to go the ladies room, when I stood up, I stood on a leg of my pants and my pants fell down. All the way to the floor down. I yanked them up and ran out of there. Thankfully, this was during dessert, so I really don’t think anyone noticed after cocktail hour and dinner. If they did, we all pretended it didn’t happen.

    1. SherBert*

      I got out of a taxi once, after a date, and the stiletto heel of my shoe went into the hem of my mid length skirt… dragging me down to the curb! My date seemed a little shocked, but I just laughed. There may have been wine involved!

    2. Lily*

      I too have been betrayed by wide-legged trousers. I was almost grateful when fashions changed to a slimmer profile several years ago. I had a particular pair of trousers and a particular pair of boots that just did. not. work. together. I caught my toe in the cuff of the oppose leg multiple times before I learned that they were a bad combo. The worst was when I was confidently striding down the hallway at work, carrying a full mug of tea and a two inch stack of loose papers. Naturally, I got caught in my own clothes and went straight down, like a tree. Massive thump, tea and papers everywhere, heads popping out of offices up and down the hallway. I bruised both my knees and my pride, but was otherwise ok. At least until I headed out at lunch time to buy some ice packs, tripped on the stairs outside the building, and wrenched my shoulder catching myself on the handrail.

    3. FoxyDog*

      I never actually pantsed myself, but I did learn the hard way that maxi skirts and rolling desk chairs don’t mix.

  77. Octothorp*

    I work at a children’s hospital and was singing to get a child’s attention. His parents requested a specific song I was surprised by, but who am I to judge?
    “Welcome to the jungle, we’ve got fun and games…”
    They died laughing, they wanted “WALKING in the jungle, not Axl Rose.

    2. Nurse Ratched*

      This absolutely made my morning! (And I sing the Beatles and old school country to my peds patients!)

  78. iglwif*

    I was 22, working in my first full-time job, and didn’t have enough vacation days yet to bridge the gaps not covered by Christmas, Boxing Day, New Year’s Day, and my employer’s floating holiday days, so I was one of only a few people in the office/manufacturing building on, let’s say, December 29. We used to short-cut through the stockroom part of the warehouse (not the part with actual forklifts buzzing around!) from my unit to the lunchroom on the far side of the building, so I did the same that day, not realizing that with almost no one in the building, the alarms on those doors had not been disarmed as they normally were during working hours.*

    The main Physical Plant guy showed up, along with the police, as a result of my triggering the alarm. I was MORTIFIED.

    *To be completely honest, I did not even know there were alarms on those doors. Have I mentioned I was only 22?

  79. Have you tried rebooting?*

    My first job post graduation was a low level tech support gig in a giant open floor plan office very low cube walls surrounded by plate glass windows on an upper floor of an office building. There was zero privacy, and the noise level could get rather loud with folks on the phone and otherwise talking to each other.

    It was my first week of work, and I was wearing a rather comfy but slick pair of pants. When I sat down in my rolling chair, it flew backwards and hit the safety bar in front of the plate glass windows. Meanwhile, my posterior hit the floor, hard. It made this loud, ringing thud like some sort of doom bell.

    All 50 people in my area seemed to stand up like a coterie of prairie dogs, peering over their half walls. I wasn’t hurt, but I was beet red from embarrassment. I never wore those pants again.

  80. SigneL*

    I was striding across the lobby of our building when I caught my toe on something (no idea what) and lost my balance, in a kind of running crouch. I then cannoned into two Very Important Doctors, and we all went down. Fortunately, they were very nice about it (“the Cowboys need you!”), but, oh, my. It was pure luck that no one was injured.

  81. hiptobesquared*

    I crashed the entire network on accident. I work in IT and my boss was on vacation and I had to call him to fix it. Nothing got deleted and people were really chill (other than teasing me) – but it was down for a few hours.

  82. Sleepytime Tea*

    I had to interview for a promotion with my own team, and the whole thing was honestly a farse (the job was mine and everyone knew it, but you know, whatever). I then needed to “interview” with our senior legal counsel since I’d be working with him directly (again, a formality, as we had worked together frequently).

    We are walking to his office, and I fell down the stairs. He of course freaked out and asked if I was ok. I popped up, laughed a little, and said “this is why I hold hand rails” and kept on moving. But I was dying inside.

  83. Hats Are Great*

    I have four kids and I was a little overtired (one of them was a baby at the time), so I spend a lot of time taking care of small children and being “mom.” This is my only excuse for what follows.

    I was talking to a colleague at the end of a meeting, noticed he had schmutz on his cheek, and I LICKED MY THUMB AND WIPED IT OFF HIS CHEEK without even registering what I was doing.

    We both jumped back in horror and I apologized profusely. Fortunately he was a pretty good friend (our families hang out socially outside of work) so we were able to laugh about it afterwards, but I wanted to DIE ON THE SPOT.

    3. Liz*

      I had a CW almost do that to me! I had pen on my arm, and she went as far as to lick her finger, and move towards me to wipe it off, and then realized, jumped back, and apologized profusely! I just laughed and as we were friends it wasn’t a big deal but she was MORTIFIED.

    4. Auntie Social*

      That’s okay—my friend with 3 young kids and her husband, my husband and I went to dinner because she needed “adult conversation for God’s sake”. The entrees arrive, and Bar starts cutting my husband’s meat and talking to him like he’s 4. And doesn’t stop even though we’re all trying to stop her. When she realizes what she has done, she starts trying to mash it all back together so the entree looks whole, but now it just looks sort of sat-upon. Her husband calmly said “we’re gonna get Bar out more often. This has been good for her”.

  84. Bruise Campbell*

    I once coughed so hard I peed my blue jeans on a light colored fabric chair in the presence of several coworkers so I quickly grabbed my water bottle and “accidentally” spilled it on my lap, no one was the wiser.

  85. HailRobonia*

    I got a call from a number that looked a lot like my husband’s phone number, so I answered “hey sweetie, what’s up?”

    It was actually a faculty member calling from across campus.

    1. Becky*

      When I was a teenager my family had just sat down to dinner and I was asked to say Grace. Only the phone rang right then so I picked it up, and said “Dear Heavenly Father”. Luckily it was my Dad and he started laughing.

    2. SherBert*

      We used to tell co-workers it was their wife on the phone when it was really the grand boss. Their reactions when they realized who it was were epic!

      1. Sparkly Librarian*

        My wife and my grandboss have nearly the same name (different initial letter). Think Jamie/Amy. Also, my wife works for the same library system. One day my coworker leaned through the office door and said, “Sparkly, Jamie is on line 2 for you.” I wondered why she hadn’t called my cell, but picked up — and thankfully didn’t say “Hi, sweetie, what’s up?” like I usually did. It wasn’t my typical “Thanks for holding. This is Sparkly.”, but it was a lot easier to come back from plain “Hello?” when the first thing I hear is, “Hi, Sparkly, it’s Amy.” in not-my-wife’s voice.

  86. Cat Burglar*

    When I was 14 my neighbors hired me to take care of their pets while they went on vacation. It was my first job. A few days before they left I went over to their house so they could give me instructions and a house key. They told me to come over twice a day (once in the morning, once in the evening) and I would start next Tuesday. So that morning, my dad dropped me off at the neighbor’s house so I could feed the pets before he drove me to school. It was dark and raining and I had trouble getting the key in the door. After I finally got the door open, the home alarm went off and I heard people upstairs panicking and yelling, “who’s there?!?” I thought the house had been broken into, the neighbors were still at home and thought I was a burglar.

    Turns out there was a small communication error. The neighbors forgot to mention were LEAVING Tuesday and I wasn’t supposed to start until the afternoon. Thankfully, they were nice about it and I took care of their pets for many years after that.

    2. BadWolf*

      Hey, at least they knew you were taking the job seriously! They said Tuesday, so you were there on Tuesday.

    3. Former Borders Refugee*

      I was once petsitting for neighbors, and locked their key in house. My dad got to teach me the fine art of popping a lock with a credit card.

      1. Esme Squalor*

        In my college dorm, the outside doors had such crappy locks that it was easier to pick them with a credit card than actually use our assigned keys. In my two years living in that building, I don’t think I ever used my outer door key.

    4. just a random teacher*

      Urgh. I was a petsitter for a while, and I grew up in a household that had deadbolts on the door between the garage and the house, which we always locked at night so that burglars couldn’t break into our house using a garage door opener.

      My clients instead had a regular twist-the-thing-on-the-knob-to-lock-the door doorknob on the door to the garage, but no deadbolt. (My childhood home, for the record, did not have one of those. We had a deadbolt and no other lock.)

      I locked it before going to bed, because one Locks The Garage Door Before Going To Bed in my world. Their lab liked to go on walks before the coffee had kicked in in the mornings, and it completely didn’t occur to me that this kind of lock would lock behind me even if I didn’t have a key to lock it with. I pulled the door between the garage and the house shut, shut the garage door with the key code, and took the lab on an early morning walk while semi-conscious. Upon arrival back at the house, I discovered my error. I did not actually have a key to their house because they’d told me the code to the garage number pad instead of giving me one. The (confused but enthusiastic) dog and I got to hang out in their car in the garage while we waited for their other/previous pet sitter (who had a key to their house) to come over and unlock the house for me so I could get back inside.

  87. Lora*

    This happened when I was a student, so not sure if it counts, but anyway.

    I was TA-ing for my department and one of my tasks was making the chemical solutions for various classes. A big component of the Organic Chemistry labs was synthesis for pharmacology studies (it was the ’90s, pretty much as soon as you matriculated with some kind of Organic Chemistry graduate degree, you got a job in pharma), and the chemistry closets were chock full of USP grade starting materials and reagents. So what I did was relatively tame, all things considered, but still embarrassing.

    For some reason, the department decided that all us geeky, pasty nerds needed more exercise and demanded that everyone enroll in some kind of fitness classes on top of our regular curriculum. The only one that fit my schedule that semester was weight lifting. I was a scrawny little thing and lifting weights 3x weekly resulted in some serious muscle strain as the class was taught by the hockey coach. I had to go to work directly after weight lifting and could barely move my arms without pain.

    But, aha! The active components in muscle rubs are menthol (from peppermint!) and eugenol (from cloves!), which we had in abundance in the chemistry stock room. And I knew these things were soluble only in organic solvent or ethanol – and we had loads of neat dry pure non-denatured ethanol in the stockroom, too, and I had the key! (Universities lock up their pure ethanol stocks religiously and only give keys to workers who are not thought to be as stupid as me, evidently.) I poured myself out about 30 mL of neat ethanol and spooned in about 1/4 tsp each of menthol and eugenol, stirred it up and wetted a paper towel with the resulting solution, then rubbed the wet paper towel all over my aching shoulders, arms and chest.

    At first, it worked beautifully and a cool numbness spread over my knotted muscles. Ah. blessed relief.

    15 minutes later my entire upper torso was absolutely numb and my arms were putty. I could barely hold myself upright. I sat down in the student lounge, thinking I’d just rest a few minutes and wait to get acclimated to the numbness before going back to work.

    3 hours later I was blushing furiously and asking my Anatomy & Physiology professor for help because I still couldn’t feel my entire torso or arms. When she was done laughing, she back-calculated the approximate overdose and said I should give it another few hours before going to the ER, though she wasn’t sure what the ER would realistically do. By the 6.5 hour mark, I could at least feel my stomach again, and it wore off completely overnight.

    And that is why 1) herbs and Natural Products aren’t harmless 2) self-medication is not the best idea ever. On the plus side, I went on to a long career in pharma, so…

    1. ZSD*

      I appreciate that one of these stories involves someone using the real skills they’ve developed for their job.

    4. MarsJenkar*

      As the late, great Terry Pratchett once pointed out, “Belladonna is an herb, and arsenic is natural.”

    6. whomever*

      Ah, but this is why the chemical students give the best parties! Because they do bring out the pure ethanol. To this day when I meet a chemist I ask “drugs or explosives?” because everyone I know who was into chemistry did it to make one, the other, or usually both…

  88. Anona*

    I used to have a habit of chewing on my pens at work. One day, I chewed on a blue fountain pen, and it exploded in my mouth, directly before a staff meeting. My teeth were blue. I locked myself in the bathroom, and, after several minutes of scrubbing on my teeth with paper towels and actual bathroom soap, they were mostly not blue and I went to my meeting.
    I don’t chew pens anymore.

    3. Southern Yankee*

      Wow! I’ve chewed on a cheap ballpoint, but I can’t say I’ve ever chewed on a fountain pen. I use fountain pens all the time and have had enough ink leaks/explosions to relate. The metal image of that happening in your mouth is amazing!

  89. NewWorkingMama*

    I used to have to go to *big important conference in Vegas* and all the meetings were in individual suites. I was a super young woman at a conference where the average attendee was a middle age male. Needless to stay I stood out and was remembered.

    I was on my way back to the suite our company, and was on the phone with my mom. I got out on the floor, walked to the end of the hallway where the room was, didn’t check the number because it was the last one in the row. Right as I was about to use my key, the door opened and a guy held it open for me. I didn’t know the guy but it wasn’t unusual because they were having meetings all day and I wasn’t involved in all of them.

    I walked into the suite only to find it was set up completely different to our suite. My brain literally broke. I was standing there with four men staring at me and me staring at them in total confusion. And then one of them said, “NewWorkingMama? We don’t have a meeting today.”

    I had literally walked into the wrong suite that (thank goodness) was currently occupied by a client we had met with the day before. I spouted some excuses and scurried out the door and to the correct floor and room where I died of embarrassment and avoided that client for the rest of my tenure at the company.

    1. Flat Penny*

      I once made a wrong turn, walked into someone’s office, politely told him “you’re not stairs” and walked out again before he could say anything.

    2. Name Required*

      I don’t think I get why this is so embarrassing. It sounds like you just accidentally walked into the wrong room, which happens all the time at conferences … or am I missing something?

      1. Nicelutherangirl*

        Yeah, I ‘m a bit puzzled, too. Given the elements of the story – Vegas, middle aged men, young female employee – I was expecting she was going to be welcomed into the suite as the “escort” one of them had hired for after work hours, or catch a co-worker in flagrante delicto.

      2. socrescentfresh*

        I thought the story was going to be that the man held the door open thinking NewWorkingMama was the prostitute he’d ordered. I’m a little let down, but it’s probably better that wasn’t what happened.

  90. ChemistryChick*

    Hoo boy. I’ll share two things that have happened to me.

    At my previous job, I was sitting at a round break room table with two co-workers having a coffee break. I had just taken a swig of coffee when one of them said something hilarious. I tried to hold my laughter, but ended up just spit-taking coffee right between the both of them so thankfully they didn’t get the full blast, but they did get hit with over-spray. I was mortified haha. Thank goodness we were all pretty good friends so they didn’t hold it against me but oh my goodness.

    At my current job, I ate something that didn’t agree with me over lunch. Made the mistake of trusting a fart and crapped myself a bit. Thank goodness only my husband was around and we have a washer/drier at work. Penguin waddled my way to the bathroom, rinsed my underwear as best I could then sprinted back into the lab to toss them into the washer, which is a front loader with a clear door. I spent the next 20 minutes of the quick rinse cycle desperately hoping no one would come by to peek in the washer and see my lone pair of underwear tumbling around. Thankfully, no one did and I was able to dry them in peace. Going commando in jeans as a women is not something I’d recommend.

      1. Chemistry Chick*

        Haha some of the best advice my mother gave me was never trust a fart. Clearly I failed that time

        I’m also so glad that I’m not the only one this has happened to.

        1. whomever*

          Oh it happens to everyone. I keep a complete change of clothes at my desk (mostly because I bike 8 miles each way to work, and do occasionally forget the change for when I shower when I get there), and I will confess to using them for this reason.

    2. CupcakeCounter*

      My SIL doesn’t wear underwear ever. She also has Ulceritive colitis (sp???)and has been newly diagnosed with Crohns.
      As I have had a child, some really interesting periods, and lived a life with moments of fart trusting my first thought was “but what happens when X happens???”

      1. Chemistry Chick*

        Oh man. My hubs has UC that’s under control with meds and I can tell you, he would never ever ever go without underwear.

  91. Stackson*

    I was teaching English to a roomful of sixth graders in elementary school in Japan when I bled through my tampon. I was too embarrassed to know what to do and wasn’t quite sure how to ask the homeroom teacher in Japanese if I could excuse myself for just a minute, so I just kept teaching. I walked around the classroom for what was probably another 20 minutes before the class ended, checking on students’ work and (I thought) surreptitiously checking my pants to see how badly I’d bled through them (very badly). I’m sure now I was pretty obvious about it, though at the time I thought I was so sneaky. As soon as the class was over, I grabbed a textbook and held it over my backside as I rushed down the stairs and across two buildings to the teacher’s room where I could get some supplies and clean myself up.
    Fortunately, I was wearing brown pants that day, so I don’t think it ended up being that noticeable after I cleaned everything up, but the next class I went to, I had a fifth grader follow me down the hall looking at the back of my pants. I’m sure he heard about it from someone in the first class, but no one ever said anything to me about it so I just tried to forget that it ever happened. I’m cringing now just thinking about it and it was almost a decade ago. Ugh.

  92. Emi.*

    In my first week back from maternity leave, I got up to put a couple bags of milk in the freezer and didn’t notice that my pumping bra had velcroed itself to the back of my sweater and was dangling/flapping against my legs.

  93. notanexpat*

    There’s a lot from the first job I had that involved, like, clients.

    1) Tasked with getting an org chart from the client. Silence when I asked for it. Joked: Much as we love working with you guys, we need to know who else is there. More silence.
    2) Paying field staff in a rural area with no ATMs. Afterward, one of them gently suggests not waving cash around in a public space again. I manage to adhere to this particular piece of common sense for the rest of our time in the field.
    …OK, well, I’m sure there’s more, but that actually gets it out of my system.

      1. Esme Squalor*

        Yeah, it sounds awkward, but really more embarrassing for the client for being a huge weirdo about a pretty normal request.

  94. Zona the Great*

    At my last job, I worked behind a metal cubical. It was very modern and sleek. My idiot coworker came by at 8:00 am and wrapped his metal coffee mug against my metal cubical which was designed with movable slats. We worked in a very open office with open-topped walls to the public lobby. I shouted, and I’m sorry to offend with my language, “Jesus Effing Christ” and then started to cry uncontrollably. No flight, no fight, just panic and tears.

  95. Lucy Honeychurch*

    I was a clothing store assistant manager and my boss was a tyrant. The type who wanted a doctor’s note if you were sick instead of using common sense to you know, let you take care of yourself at home and rest the way you should. Well I was very sick to my stomach but knew there would be Hell To Pay if I called in, so I came in anyway.

    I was out on the floor, and thought I had to fart a little bit. Instead I “sharted.” Anyone familiar with that word? Yeah, it’s not really a fart. I pooped my pants, right there in the clothing store. I was TICKED OFF. I stormed to the back room, grabbed a clean pair of pants from our stock, went into the bathroom, threw my underwear away and cleaned myself best I could, and said to my manager, “I am sick. I hope you believe me now because that was humiliating and I hope I didn’t get everyone here sick now, too.” She looked at me wide-eyed and I left.

    I quit shortly after that, and then the company went under a bit after that. Big surprise.

    2. Esme Squalor*

      I’m sorry YOU had to go through that, but I’m kind of glad your manager did. Maybe she learned an important lesson that day.

  96. Tangerina Warbleworth*

    All of us coworkers were having lunch in the breakroom together, making typical desultory conversation. The conversation came around to facial breakouts. Someone asked, “Why do zits actually happen, anyway?” and I piped up; “Oh, because over the course of the day your face’s natural oils mix with air pollutants and stuff which makes a clogging compound called — ”

    The word I was going for was “sebum”. But that’s not what I said.

  97. Mary Ellen*

    Working at the Reference Desk at my previous library job, notarizing some documents for a patron. He had fumbled his ID when he handed it to me, and it fell on the floor next to my chair. I bent down to get it, and, well, the pants I was wearing were made of a sort of slippery material, and the chair had a little downward slope toward the front… I slid right off the chair and under my desk. The chair shot backwards and crashed into the shelf behind me, knocking a bunch of things over. Several people came running to see what the commotion was. I was very tempted to just stay under the desk.

    3. Amethyst*

      LOL!!! I did the same thing once at work! Except I was leaning over my chair’s arm to pick up a piece of paper that’d fallen off my desk, and somehow my chair went backward while I was reaching for said paper. I landed perfectly seated, cross-legged, on the floor with the back of my chair on my head.

      I still haven’t lived it down.

  98. Mbarr*

    I threatened to slice a coworker’s throat.

    We were in a training session about change management. Our team was arguing (passionately, but with lots of fun) about a theoretical scenario. I jumped in front of the webcam and told her, “If you come to one of my training sessions with that attitude, I’ll slice your throat!” (Complete with throat slicing gesture.)

    I immediately clapped my hand over my mouth, SHOCKED that that came out of my mouth. I’d meant to joke that we’d get into fisticuffs or something – just not something that violent. I immediately apologized, and then I followed up with a written apology. My team who was in the room was shocked too (but not horrified) and seemed to laugh it off. And luckily the webcam had stopped working so she didn’t see my gesture.

    I still can’t believe I said that.

    1. SherBert*

      I recently told someone that my boss was “F*&%ing incompetent.” Not a lie, but I don’t normally talk like that (especially at work). Their eyebrows went up and I apologized and quickly changed the subject!

  99. merp*

    This was fairly recent, and I know it’s fairly tame.. but I felt so weird about it.

    I had a meeting (optional for me, but to learn about something) in our main conference room, and when I walked over there, I could see that a bunch of the people in the meeting were already there, so I walked in and sat down. Thing is, it became apparent fairly quickly that this was actually the previous meeting running over and I had just wandered into a meeting I wasn’t invited to. I then left and didn’t actually attend the meeting I had been invited to out of embarrassment. One of those times that my reaction is what made it weird more than anything else. >.<

  100. Environmental Compliance*

    In no certain order:

    1. Last day of two jobs ago, wearing a nice wrap dress, sauntered confidently out of the very large gov’t office in a very large city….with my skirt tucked into the back of my tights. And did annnnnyone say anything on my walk back to my car? Nope.

    2. While teaching a group of college freshmen, I made a similar mistake to the “organism/orgasm” slip of the tongue (tbh, I don’t even remember what it was). I stopped to laugh at myself, and none of the students apparently had originally caught it (or were too kind to say anything, bless them), and were very confused on why EC was chuckling to herself. And of course it wasn’t even to just my normal 40 kid class….it was an exam review, with over 100 students there, many of whom didn’t belong to me.

    3. While setting up prior to teaching a 7:30AM lab for previously mentioned college freshmen, a pair of panties fell out of my sweatshirt sleeve. Thankfully, it was just me in the lab, but I did get to spend the remainder of the lab (until noon) with a pair of lacy black panties shoved in my pants pockets. Thanks, laundry day!

    4. My last year teaching same college freshmen class, there was about a week where I was very, very sick, but simultaneously not able to take off from work (I was a TA and a full time student, it was the end of semester and very busy). I wasn’t contagious, but exhausted & still woozy. Managed to fall asleep at my desk after my office hours were done….during which time, a couple old students of mine stopped by to tell me that they made it into their engineering programs and were very excited. Which they should be! But I was so blech and out of it from being sick that I didn’t recognize them at first, and then was very feebly excited. I felt so bad. So shout out to them, many years later, I really was very proud of you both! Just also felt like I was dying and wondering why the hell I wanted to get a MS at the time.

  101. Lily in NYC*

    I accidentally flashed our entire board (full of famous people) when I tipped over wearing an above-the-knee dress (I was crouching down fiddling with the a/v equipment and lost my balance and everyone saw my butt). I’ve written about this here before, because Maya Angelou was on our board and was a total jerk (even before I flashed her). We all HATED her, including our CEO. He actually told me I didn’t have to kowtow to her incessant ridiculous demands. I have never seen anyone who expected to be fawned over like she did, and that includes Anna Wintour, who acts exactly like you’d expect, but she isn’t really that nasty; she’s just a huge snob.

    2. Wulfgar*

      I’m surprised by that. Maya Angelou always seemed nice and down to earth. Appearances can be deceiving.

      1. MtnLaurel*

        I have heard that about Dr. Angelou before from a completely different source. It makes me sad as she is one of my favorite writers.

  102. SaffyTaffy*

    When I got home one night, I called our security and let them know they should salt the walk because I had slipped twice. The next morning, head of security and HR were waiting for me and insisting that I fill out an injury report because I had ~fallen~ twice. “Even though you’re sure you weren’t injured, please just do this.”
    Everyone was very upset, and I didn’t want to make the fellow who answered my call look bad, so I filled out the report using the language “I fell”. I didn’t like how that felt, but then the head of security called me to say “I’m reviewing our camera footage and I can’t see where you fell.” and oh, God, that felt AWFUL. Having to explain why I said it, but it still sounded so unsatisfying.
    I just wanted the walk to get salted!

      1. ket*

        My interpretation is that SaffyTaffy slipped and caught herself without actually falling to the ground. It’s still an indication that the ground was slippery.

  103. hippanonymous*

    I sometimes teach and we were offsite for an event. Within 5 minutes of being there, I sharted. It was awful. I booked it to my car, got a plastic bag and my workout leggings, swapped my leggings, put everything in the bag, and returned the foul items to my car. The kids didn’t even notice I was gone – little did they know….

  104. Sally Sparrow*

    Last job – One time during my first few months I walked out of the bathroom, down the hall and into the kitchen with my skirt tucked into my tights. A kind CW who I didn’t really know at the time told me.

    A year or so later I went home sick and my boss insisted on driving me home (I walked). My phone fell out of my bag in the backseat of her car. I had a hair appointment that night and was freaking out, while sick and tired, because I had no way to cancel without my phone. I ended up logging into my work email and emailing her. She came back after her lunch to bring me my phone and a friend CW who I had been messaging online cancelled my appointment.

    Current job – During my first month. I broke (demagnetized) one of my three work badges. This hadn’t happened to anyone else before (office moved in 9 months ago). So that was a great impression.

    Bathroom related, I developed an annoying cough/cold during the third week. To combat it I drank lots of water – about 20oz before work and 80oz during. I was literally going to the bathroom about once an hour. Luckily I didn’t have an actual accident but there were several times I had to abruptly excuse myself (including during a 1:1 with my boss) to run to the bathroom. Also a fantastic impression.

  105. Macy's Addict*

    I have two that aren’t terrible in the grand scheme of things, but that my former co-workers teased me about even a year after the fact (I was 23 when both of these happened and less than a year into my career, but the office was thankfully fairly casual):

    1. I heard in passing a woman I worked with mention “May 6th” in reference to a meeting she was going to attend to our grandboss, but somehow misheard it as “Macy’s.” It’s no secret that it’s my favorite store and she and I both love shopping, but for some reason I got overly excited, ran over to her office, and squealed “Oh my God, I LOVE Macy’s! What about it?!” I was so embarrassed when I realized how loud I was and especially when I realized that wasn’t at all what she said. When I left, she gave me Macy’s gift card, which was super sweet and that I promptly used!

    2. The day after Valentine’s Day of last year, I was wearing a ruffled top that I always considered to be orange. My parents also agreed it was orange. A woman I worked with commented saying that she liked it, but joked that I was a day late. I didn’t understand what she meant, and she clarified that it was because I was wearing a red shirt the day after Valentine’s Day. I was surprised and insisted it was orange, but then literally EVERYONE in our office space except Grandboss agreed it was red and joked that I was colorblind. To prove my point, I went through my Macy’s order history (because of course that’s where this particular top was from) because they always say what the color is, and it was listed as…”Loving Red.” There were jokes after about whether or not I could tell if something was red or orange for months after, particularly because part of my job was design and social media based and the school we work at uses one of those colors as one of its school colors.

    Thankfully, we were all friendly and had good senses of humor! I’ve made sure to tone down my energy and shopping mentions a lot though.

    1. Peaches*

      Haha, I love that you posted as “Macy’s Addict” after reading your stories. :) So sweet of your coworker to get you a gift card there when you left!

      1. Macy's Addict*

        Ha, thanks! It’s not my normal name on here and I was gonna just use “Anon for this,” but I figured it’d be a fitting name! And seriously, she’s the best! I know she loves Kohl’s and I once gave her a voucher for there that she used, so I’ll know what to get her when she leaves!

    2. FabJobTag*

      I had something similar to #2 except I was right. I was getting a walk repainted and three people from the paint company and my assistant kept referring to the “blue” wall while I insisted it was a green wall. I tracked down the original paint color that had been used and it was called Jade Frost.

  106. Marlene*

    I had a very heavy period and passed out suddenly. Then I vomited for an hour. A coworker had to drive me to urgent care, where I just kept getting sick. Someone else had to drive me home. This was at a time our staffing levels were very low.

  107. ceiswyn*

    I was one of two tech writers at a small software development company. We used the same source control for our documents that development did for the code. The other tech writer, despite having worked there for a lot longer than I had, was not very competent and didn’t really understand how to use the source control, so when he needed to delete some documents I wrote him a quick set of instructions on how to do it.

    It wasn’t until the next day, when the developers discovered that their entire code tree was gone, that I realised I’d missed out a rather important step…

  109. Hair Shredder*

    When I was working as an administrative assistant in high school I got my hair caught in the paper shredder. I screamed bloody murder before I finally stopped it. Luckily I was able to press the reverse button and all my hair came back up, just a little frizzy. I’m still scared of paper shredders!

    1. JanetM*

      Oh my gods! I recently got my skirt caught in an escalator (not at work), and the woman behind me was right on the spot and quick thinking and yanked it loose. Tore the hem, but that’s way better than the alternative.

  110. Anon and on and on*

    Wardrobe malfunction: Long skirts were in so, no worries, I’ll rock these stockings with elastic at the top. And have them roll down my legs, (not just fall down, so I could pull them up) roll down my legs every time I stood much less walked.

  111. Granny K*

    I backed into my CEOs Cadillac. (Yes I had insurance). Dented the quarter panel.

    For weeks afterwards, people in the office would wait for me to leave before they went out to their cars.

  112. Tantallum99*

    I was at a conference, and there was a big social one night event with a band, open bar, etc. I’m normally a jeans and T-shirt girl, but this was fancy so I dressed up—I wore a short-ish elastic waist skirt, over the knee boots, an unremarkable short sleeved shirt and was wearing spanx tights. I had never worn this outfit before that night. Within the first hour I knew it was a mistake. With every step I took, the waist of the skirt would ride up thanks to the slippery spanx material. So I kept having to tug my skirt back down around my waist. Constantly, every 5 min the waistband would practically be at my bra strap and this skirt was short to being with so I had to keep adjusting to make sure my rear end stayed covered. Well. I was so frustrated that at one point I have the skirt an especially hard tug, and…it went down to my knees. All the way down. I hastily pulled it back up. Thankfully I was in the back of a dark alcove in the venue so not too many people saw. One guy for sure did though and to this day I cannot look him in the eye (luckily he works for a different company and I only have to see him a couple times a year).
    I have others but this is the worst. Grace is not my middle name.

  113. Tina Belcher's Less Cool Sister*

    Oh man, I was just telling a colleague about this. In my first fundraising job I was responsible for event sponsorships, and for one particular conference (I believe it was my first, or one of the first) I was asked to put together an off-site networking happy hour to follow an on-site reception. At the reception I met our biggest sponsor, J: a tall, distinguished gentleman. He had a great relationship with my team and was all smiles and jokes, we developed a rapport immediately.

    I left the reception early to get to the happy hour venue, which was just an upscale hotel bar. We weren’t a large enough group to have a private room, so I had reserved a few tables but the rest of the bar was open to the public. Shortly after I got there I saw J come into the bar with a woman I assumed to be his wife. I had a big smile and went over to greet them, saying something along the lines of “Great to see you! Are you ready to have some fun tonight?” They both gave me weird looks, but I brushed it off to greet other members of our group.

    About half an hour later I was talking to a colleague about attendance, and said “I saw J over there”. “Where?” I pointed him out. “Uh, that’s not J!”

    Yes, dear reader: I, a young 23 year old woman, had approached a random man in a hotel bar to ask if he was ready to have some fun tonight. In front of his wife.

    I’m sure I caused a big fight that night and probably ruined their romantic getaway!

  114. Art3mis*

    OldJob was in the process of updating the building’s fixtures and furniture. The tables and chairs in the cafeteria were older, wooden, and not exactly high quality to begin with. One day I was at lunch with some friends, we get up to leave, the chair I was sitting in splintered into a thousand pieces, and I went crashing to the floor. The cafeteria was full and EVERYONE saw it. The place went silent. There was a lot of “OMG are you OK?” from my friends and the people sitting nearby, including a few from leadership. I managed to stand up, collect my belongings, tell them I was fine, raise my head, and walk out. I was too embarrassed to even help clean up the broken pieces of the chair. I went straight to the bathroom to cry and calm down. I was in there almost an hour, texting my best friend about it and how humiliated I was and how I couldn’t possibly go back to work after my fat @$$ had just broken a chair. I had hurt my knee in the fall and even had to file a workers comp claim for it. (Ended up just being a bad bruise, I was fine and only missed 1/2 day to see the Dr) I didn’t eat in the cafeteria for a LONG time after that and only after they replaced the furniture in there. Which may have been sped up by my incident.

  115. AJK*

    I used to work at an airport, and we had to take the airport train from the employee parking area to the main terminal. So one morning I got on the train with a whole crowd of other employees and as we all were making our way out of the train station and down an escalator I tripped and fell down the last few steps of the escalator in front of (what felt like) about a hundred people. It felt like everyone stopped to watch me pick myself up off the floor, I’ve never felt so on display in my life. (And I’m a klutz, so I have lots of trip-and-fall stories, but none of my other clumsy moments were witnessed by an entire morning shift of airport workers…)

  116. NeonFireworks*

    Aaaaaah I forgot about my migraine story. Basically, a client sent an email politely explaining why they needed 3 more days on a project. I said that was fine. I didn’t realize this, but while this was happening I was experiencing a migraine that manifested as a slight headache and severely restricted access to my short-term memory. I spent the next two days worrying about why the client hadn’t submitted their project on time until on the morning of the third day I called them up and lectured them. They were BIZARRELY nice about it, or maybe just intimidated. Two months and a diagnosis later, I found myself wondering what had happened with the client that last time and searched my email and discovered that I had given them full permission to take a bit of extra time. I must have seemed both rude and out of touch with reality.

  117. KK*

    Late 80’s/early 90’s, walked out of the restroom w/ the back of my skirt tucked into the top of my panty hose waistband. Walked down a LOOOOONG hall w/ my cheeks showing. I felt no draft. Alerted by a coworker after I’d walked through the department and got to my desk. Walk of shame, indeed.

  118. EBStarr*

    My team did a monthly board game event where, for some reason, the person coordinating booked a smallish meeting room instead of using one of the many open hang-out spaces in our office. (I’m in tech and my office has a bunch of spaces for that kind of thing.) A few minutes in, my throat started doing this completely bonkers and extremely loud croaking thing (I think it was acid reflux? My throat does make a single croaking noise once in awhile but so infrequently that I’ve never bothered looking into it) about every fifteen seconds. This was one of those three-hour-long board games, only five of us were playing, and, being engineers, none of us were inclined to chat unless we needed to talk for game-related reasons. And I’d have tried to start a conversation myself, but I was so busy freaking out about my bodily noises that I couldn’t think of anything to say, and the freaking out seemed to just exacerbate whatever disaster was happening in my digestive system. So for this entire time I was just croaking, in a tiny, silent meeting room, in front of my boss and several coworkers. I excused myself to get water, didn’t help. Eventually I just started having fake coughing fits when I could feel the croaks coming. Which I’m sure fooled exactly no one.

  119. Lepidoptera*

    Also should share my spouse’s best/worst story:

    I had been home sick for a couple of days with a terrible bug that finally took my husband down, too. Somehow either he didn’t use his online absence system correctly, or it bugged out, so his sick day was not logged and they thought he was a no-show. (He did get a confirmation number that he provided to IT later, so he wasn’t in trouble.)

    He is very reliable and an incredibly hard worker, so everyone was really worried that he didn’t show up. They sent a police officer to our house to do a wellness check, but we were both passed out on the couch and didn’t hear the door. Next thing we knew, we were woken up by a uniformed officer pounding on the bay window right behind the couch, and I screamed in shock and groggy confusion and tumbled face-first onto the carpet.

    We finally answered the door, obviously quite ill, and assured the laughing cop that we were both alive. He suggested my husband call his boss pronto, which he did.

  120. Montresaur*

    Oh boy, this one jumped to mind immediately. I still think of it and cringe.

    When I was in my very early twenties, I worked on an indie film that was shot in the middle of some sprawling ranch land. I was early career, super eager to prove myself, and had a hard time saying no to requests. Combine this with a tiny, micro-budget production that just barely met SAG’s standards, and a harried, personally invested core production team–of which I was a part–winging it among a cast and crew of unionized professionals, and you have me wearing about a dozen hats and getting two to four hours of sleep a night for two months.

    I was in the art department, but ended up in charge of wardrobe too. I was in no way qualified to be in charge of wardrobe, but they didn’t have anybody else, so when they asked me to cover that, I said yes. About halfway through the shoot, the lead actor approached me and apologetically asked me to wash some of her underwear while I did wardrobe laundry (there really weren’t many other options while we were on location). I agreed without thinking.

    The shoot wraps. At this point, I’m asleep on my feet all the time. I actually don’t remember how I got all of my responsibilities sorted and headed home, but I did. Most of my own clothes ended up stuffed in a trash bag at the last minute before leaving. When I got home, I slept for days.

    A week later, I finally got around to unpacking, and what do I find but the lead actor’s (clean, thank god) underwear, mixed in with my things in the trash bag. I was so mortified, I threw them out; for the next year I would think of it and feel a lurch of anxiety that maybe she thought I stole them. Now I’m sure I didn’t have to worry: I was obviously in waaayyy over my head, and she probably thought I lost them.

    Oh, I also peed all over the back of my jeans while trying to pop a squat in the woods. At the beginning of a fourteen-hour day, with no ride back to base camp to change. I’m so glad I can laugh about this now, but at the time it was the most stressful and humiliating two months of my life.

  121. AnotherSarah*

    I was working at a job (this was my first job out of college) that had some odd issues about rules–not that the rules were odd, but that you might be yelled at publicly for breaking one (about dress code, etc.). I was getting ready for work at my boyfriend’s house, and realized that I hadn’t remembered to pack work pants/skirt. I only had jeans, which I had worn there the night before. I freaked out, and as I had to be at work at 8:30, no stores would be open….so I wore a tablecloth wrapped as a sarong. I was scared it would fall off, so I had my boyfriend wrap me up really tightly and I just…shuffled around all day. Not the worst, but I’ve been scarred for life : )

      1. AnotherSarah*

        I don’t remember, but I think I got some looks! I felt so awkward, I eventually went out and bought a (totally too flowy for work) skirt.

  122. ScienceTeacher*

    I’m a teacher and some of the desk-attached-to-chair contraptions don’t have supports under the desk part…. I leaned on one while talking to a student, the whole thing tipped over, and I crashed to the floor along with it. In front of 30 students.

  123. animaniactoo*

    Work parking lot, enclosed with a chain-link fence. I don’t know what happened to me that day, but I meant to reverse a tad away from the fence and instead lurched INTO it, making it bend outwards.

    I was so thrown, I moved my car to an entirely different spot and tried not to be found out.

    Except that some of the maintenance guys were asked to try and figure it out and they matched the paint chips on the fence to my car. And even then I still tried to deny it. [hangs head in shame]

  124. Lava Is Pointy*

    Our company requires you to dial “9” first to get an outside line. So typically you dial 9+1+area code-number.

    I accidentally dialed 911 TWICE in one day while trying to get into a call. From the same line.
    The first time the responder laughed at my mortification and said it happens all the time. The second time was horrible, as the responder didn’t believe me when I said I was an idiot who fat-fingered the number, and sent the police and fire department to our building, and made me meet them in the lobby so I could explain very publicly how I made a mistake.

    1. Peaches*

      Oh my gosh, haha. Our phones are work are the same way – you dial 9 + 1 + the area code/number. I’ve never made this mistake before, but naturally I’m terrified now!

    2. Emi.*

      THOSE PHONES ARE SO ANNOYING. When I started working as a receptionist I was so stressed out over the stupid phone I literally had a nightmare that there was an active shooter and I couldn’t figure out how to call 911. I kept getting the old receptionist instead and she made fun of me. :(

  125. Cat*

    About 3 months into my first job after grad school, I needed to give a presentation in front of about 30 people. I blocked most of it out, but between the medication making me nauseous and my then very intense fear of public speaking things went pretty badly. My manager called me into her office where I probably looked like I was about to cry. It prompted me to rejoin toastmasters and take a year of improv classes. I’ll never love public speaking but I think I can avoid anything that embarrassing again (this was about 4 years ago).

  126. gmg22*

    After I left a full-time gig a a consulting firm, I would go back from time to time to help out with the editorial workload as a freelancer. After one of those days, we were having postwork drinks on the office terrace and I found myself in casual chat with a group of colleagues, two of whom I knew fairly well but the other not at all, since she was fairly new at the company. When the topic turned to politics, I made a disparaging smart remark about a prominent government advisor of whom I was really not a big fan.

    You could practically hear the needle-on-the-record sound effect as two of the women winced and turned heads to the third, who let the awkward pause hang for a moment and then said “Yeah, um, he’s my stepdad.”

    AAAAAAAAAAGH. Did anyone else ever wish very honestly for a trapdoor to just open under them Wile E. Coyote style so they could disappear? (That said: I wasn’t wrong about her stepdad. Sorry/not sorry?)

    1. Asenath*

      Not at work – but when I was growing up, our provincial premier was someone you either hated or adored. In my family, he was hated. At a summer camp – and I can’t now remember how on earth we ended up mentioning a political leader; we were not a politically active group, aged about 12 or so – I (quite naturally, I think) contributed to the conversation with some of the comments I’d heard at home. That was when I learned that not everyone shares the opinions you learn from your family!

  127. sange*

    Okay here’s two, both so terrible I could barely type:

    1) I work in the arts and share an office floor with a Very Famous Person. As in, an “OMG you work with X!” person. And on one of my first days at work – when I hadn’t quite figured out how the temperamental lock works – he walked in on my changing a tampon. It was a full on walk-in, not a subtle glimpse. I still work here (a few years later) and I still think about this every single day when I check the lock.

    2) My new computer was installed and IT didn’t walk me through the new/different features, so I did not realize that there was a built-in microphone on the monitor and it was separate from the camera. I disabled the camera and since I didn’t think there was a microphone, never disabled it. Cue a few weeks later, when I’m on a WebEx with more than 300 fieldwide colleagues from my metropolitan area. I was trying to multi-task by watching the WebEx presentation while finishing up a work call. Since I wasn’t really paying attention to the presentation, I ignored many chat messages telling me that my entire ongoing conversation was broadcast to all the meeting participants. I am still absolutely mortified and so gratified that it wasn’t a sensitive conversation.

  128. Not In NYC Any More*

    I was moderating a very exclusive retreat/seminar for c-level execs (companies paid about $100,000 to have one exec attend). On the first day, I was having each participant introduce themselves and provide one factoid about themselves or their company that they didn’t think anyone else knew. Since this was a yearly event, most of the group knew each other, but there were always a few newcomers. I was going alphabetically and came to Jack. He wasn’t there. Then I called out, “Jane.” She wasn’t there. I’m thinking it’s really unusual for anyone to miss anything since they pay so much, and for some reason I still don’t understand, I said, “Maybe they are together.” Well, the entire room roared with laughter. That offhand comment certainly didn’t merit that response. Turns out they WERE having an affair (and therefore probably were late because they WERE together) and everyone but me apparently knew about it. Afterwards, I got lots of “I can’t believe you said that!” or “Glad someone finally said something!” I truly didn’t know and still cringe.

  129. Queen of the File*

    I am 100% to blame for this one. I can’t even tell you why I thought anything I used to do at work was a good idea.

    I was in my first office job at about the age of 19, and landed in a situation where a few of us shared a similar sense of humour. Early in my tenure there someone had misheard me saying something about one of our IT contractors who lived in a different city and thought I had said he was my husband. I, of course, thought this was a hilarious mistake and it became a running joke that I was secretly married to this person. Over the course of a month or so it gained all kinds of detailed imaginary soap-opera backstory that we found pretty funny.

    Some random Monday someone sent me a message on our primitive system asking how my weekend was. I went into a long creative writing exercise about how my imaginary husband and I had gotten into a terrible fight and ended up deciding to romantically renew our vows while taking a hot air balloon ride over the local industrial park. I went into intense detail (safe for work, thankfully), including using his name.

    Of course, at the end of this I accidentally sent it to him instead of to my coworker.

    Within maybe 8 seconds my phone rang. “Uh……… what did I just read?”

    …How do I explain this…

      1. Queen of the File*

        I am not sure he totally understood how/why we found this amusing (we were complete strangers and he definitely did not share the same sense of humour) but at least he didn’t try to get me fired. I did my best to never have to call him again :)

        1. Queen of the File*

          Oh man now that I’m reliving this I remember him asking me “you don’t… actually think we are romantically involved, do you?”

          I DIE

  130. SeatCracker*

    At my very first job there were two restrooms on the bottom floor (mens and womens) and one on the top floor (for everyone). About 60 people worked at the company. First thing in the morning I went to the ladies room to go #1 and when I sat down the toilet seat cracked. It scratched my butt pretty bad and then fell, cracked in half, in the toilet. I was unable to relieve myself and had to let the front desk know what happened. It took a few hours for maintenance to come and install a new one and the office was abuzz with “who did it? what happened!?” My 23-year-old self only told my office mate, who fell on the floor laughing.

  131. yokoznornak*

    While being observed by my manager, I tripped over a laptop cord. To break my fall, I grabbed the table in front of me, but there was a chair in the way so I basically clotheslined myself with the chair while simultaneously knocking over the table and falling into a heap on the floor. I ended up having to go to urgent care because I had severe bruising on my throat right on my vocal chords from the chair. It looked like someone had tried to strangle me, and I could barely talk for three days.

    To make matters worse, I was interviewing at a different company that afternoon. I drove from urgent care straight to the interview and had to do a presentation. I could barely talk and my throat was obviously bruised (didn’t have time to grab a scarf). I explained what happened, but from their reactions, I am pretty sure that they thought I was lying. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.

  132. ESilver*

    One of my previous bosses was a very stone-faced, low-praise type. Invariably, when we got to annual review time, he’d call me in to go over the review, which was always perfectly fine and even great sometimes, and I’d end up in tears. Every. Freaking. Time. Always felt bad for him – I didn’t mean to, but man, there was something about that man and that management style that just did not agree with me, because it’s never happened with my other bosses!

  133. Asenath*

    I accidentally set off the silent burglar alarm when I was working as a bank teller for a temp agency. Twice, same bank, nearly the same time. Most fortunately, the police didn’t send a SWAT team; two officers turned up, saw that there was obviously not a robbery in progress, and proceeded to find out why they alarm went off. All I could figure was that the alarm was super-sensitive, but no one else’s went off. It was a kind of box in the cash drawer hidden by some bills. Maybe I pressed down too hard on it or something – anyway, I avoided that entire slot in the cash drawer for the rest of that job.

  134. Peaches*

    Not my story, but my dad (who is a legal analyst) and one of his direct reports (a young female fresh out of college) a few years ago had a meeting with a lawyer. The lawyer kept making references to her “partner” (law partner, of course…it was a work meeting). My dad’s report at one point in the conversation said, “I love how you talk about your partner saw much. It’s nice hearing someone be so open about their same-sex relationship.” The lawyer obviously responded with, “um..I’m talking about my law partner.” The young woman was obviously mortified. Lol.

    1. Liz*

      not my mistake, and thankfully corrected before it became an issue, but I used to work for a law firm, where one of the founding partners, was married to another of the partners, who was at least 20 if not more, years younger than he was.

      We had summer interns too, and us (paralegals) had a get to know you meeting with the interns. And we’re talking and one of them mentioned the partner, and his wife, but referred to her as his daughter! he just assumed with the age difference etc. that was their relationship, NOT husband and wife. He was so grateful he found out before he put his foot in his mouth!

      1. Artemesia*

        Told it before but in the same vein, a student in a grad seminar of a former colleague of mine when she saw a picture of the professor leaving the church after her wedding, said ‘Why is your father walking you out of the church?’. (the photo had come up when the laptop she was projecting from went into screen saver). The young female professor had of course married her much older former mentor the distinguished full professor.

    2. TurquoiseCow*

      That’s kind of the opposite of this story about my husband’s grandfather. When he met two men in a relationship who referred to one another as “partner”, he asked what business they were in.

    3. Emma*

      Urgh, I had that happen in an interview once! I had listed my then-business partner as a reference. My position was listed as “Co-owner, Teapots Ltd” and, to fit the format, he was listed as “Joe Bloggs // Co-owner, Teapots Ltd (partner)”. Coming from a legal background this made perfect sense, and I figured that if anyone wasn’t sure, then the fact that we were both listed as co-owners would make it clear.

      Apparently not! I had one terrible interview with an interviewer I just Did Not Like – he was very ‘old boy’, not offensive but with all the same character traits that typically accompany benevolent sexism and a lack of personal accountability – and he just kept asking weird questions about this reference. At one point he noted that I had previously lived in another country, which is also where the business partner now lives, and asked if “that was why I’d moved there”. I was so confused at the time that I just said “um, no” and explained that bit of my career trajectory.

      It was only afterwards that I realised two, awful things:
      1. He thought my business partner was my boyfriend. I’m a lesbian and my then-business partner is a man who is 20 years older than me.
      2. While under the impression that I had listed my boyfriend as a reference, and also *listed the relationship as boyfriend* (instead of, like, my colleague who is also my partner, which would still be dodgy but kind of understandable)… he invited me for an interview???

  135. Maggie*

    I’m a low-level library clerk. While walking into the building, I walked straight into the Director and the president of the library board. Nearly knocked both of them over. Thankfully, no one was hurt, and the director made a joke about how enthusiastic I was about my job. But I still cringe internally whenever I see her.

  136. The Man, Becky Lynch*

    My favorite will always be the first time I answered the phone as a newly hired accounting clerk. We had the HQ [us] and two satellite offices. The woman who ran the South American office was this powerful grouchy woman with very limited manners or etiquette. So the first call I pick up is her, it was before caller-ID. I was nervous but went with the script. She just said “I need to speak to Big Boss.” and I responded with “Who may I say is calling?” and she just kept repeating “I need to speak to BIG BOSS.” over and over again. I got so flustered after the 3rd go around that I just shouted out “BUT WHO IS THIS?” at her. She then told me who it was [since it was my first call I had no idea who TF it was, I hadn’t learned voices yet but hers become instantly unforgettable at least].

    We all shared an office [lol it wasn’t an office, it was a literal tent inside a warehouse but whatever]. So my boss, the Finance Manager and our AR clerk were laughing so hard they were tearing up by the end of it. Thankfully after they both pulled themselves together, they both reassured me I did well and “It’ll take some time getting used to but it gets easier”.

  137. JanetM*

    Hm. Used to be, with service awards, the Chancellor came to the person’s office and presented them in front of all their coworkers. I am really quite shy, and I begged my manager to please try to arrange for that to NOT happen. She said she would, and then forgot. It didn’t go well when the Chancellor and Vice Chancellor showed up at my desk; it included bursting into tears after they left.

    I was walking through the parking lot one day when someone pulled up beside me to tell me I had blood on the back of my skirt. I wear long, symmetrical skirts, so I was able to pull it around to the side and pretty well hide it, and call my husband to bring me a change of clothes.

    There was the time I had to discreetly tell a coworker that he had a huge tear across the back of his pants.

    Not in the office, but there have been a couple of times on campus that I’ve fallen really hard and had to fend off helpful people who wanted to “give you a hand up” while I caught my breath.

    Long ago, when I was temping, I was sent to a law firm because I knew WordPerfect. They had had the same word processor for a while (she was out with strep throat), so the first tape I put in the Dictaphone started out, “Style of the Smith case, motion to compel, supporting memorandum, respectfully submitted, certificate of service.” I had to go ask the paralegal what all that meant. It turned out that they had boilerplates of all the basic complaints, interrogatories, supporting memoranda, and so on; the attorneys would then literally cut and paste and write in and add trails of sticky notes.

    Before that, when I was temping at an engineering firm, I was asked to fill in for someone in the documents management office, and was warned, “They’re really mean over there.” About 20 minutes in, I dropped my coffee down my shirt. The admin assistant who saw me heading rapidly to the bathroom was terrified that I’d been pushed out so soon!

    If I remember more, I’ll add them.

  138. The Ginger Ginger*

    I caught my 3-inch heel in the cuff of my wide leg dress pants as I and a coworker walked down a very short hallway with a door at either end. I couldn’t quite manage to right myself, but I managed not to fall all the way to the floor. The result was me squawking loudly, dropping the files I was carrying, and dramatically staggering/lurching down the hallway like a drunken baby giraffe until I splatted spread-eagle against the door at the far end. My coworker had to sit down she was laughing so hard.

    There was a reason my coworkers there called me “Grace” at that job (hint: that’s not my name)

  139. ThinMint*

    In the white elephant gift exchange for our office, the instructions casually said ‘choose something from your office!’ So I chose a dingy yellowed office property footrest. I then printed off b&w images of wolves and wrapped it up. Imagine my horror when we begin the exchange and

    1. no one is choosing my monstrosity
    2. other people are bring in actual fun gifts (and/or gift cards)
    3. we had one student employee playing as well and he was last to pick at could only take mine and since he was a student employee, happened to be the only person who couldn’t use my gift since he didn’t have an office

    Mortified.

    3. Audrey*

      Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I hate about that game – when people don’t follow the rules.

      At an old job I put a lot of thought into the gift only to be outdone by someone who brought tiny bottles of liquor – when the rules clearly said no liquid.

      Last year my coworker told me he went over the dollar amount for the gift he was bringing and I had a cow and he ended up switching it out for something else, lol.

      Sorry you got embarrassed but go you, you rule follower!

      1. ThinMint*

        Yes, someone always brings wine. People lose their minds over it. I don’t drink wine so I don’t share the excitement.

  140. Not Safe to Microwave*

    New girl at a job filled with millennials in a giant, open space. I had purchased a new travel coffee mug but my coffee became cold so I put it in the microwave and walked away. Of course, it just about caught fire. The smell was HORRENDOUS. People just looked up at me and stared as I cleaned up and hollered “sorry!” while trying to jimmy open the windows. The company sent a weekly “Page Six” email about what happened at the office that week, I definitely made an appearance.

    1. Peaches*

      My coworker who was new at the time but leftovers in the toaster oven in our break room. the leftovers had had a foil lid on top, and for some reason, he didn’t think to REMOVE THE LID. The burnt metal smell was SO strong, it seeped from the break room to the open office. It was truly unbearable, some of my coworkers and I thought we were going to pass out. We also only have ceiling-to-floor windows in the building, so we weren’t even able to crack a window.

      The funny thing is that the culprit coworker left with his lunch right after it happened, and didn’t have to endure the smell with the rest of us. The stench was almost gone by the time he’d returned from his break! He probably would have been more embarrassed had he known how bad the smell had been!

  141. SunshineOH*

    Company-wide work conference at a resort. January, but in a warm area. Team-building exercise outside by the fancy pool with curvy, swirly edges. I was looking the other way as I was walking along what I thought was the edge of the pool. Of course, the pool curved and I did not. Fell straight in, surrounded by dozens of my closest colleagues. (No injuries, and very laid back company. But still.)

    Our presenter that morning had discussed “The Precious Present” by Spencer Johnson. Naturally, the SVP found me at dinner that night to thank me for the “precious present” I had given all of them.

    Still comes up occassionally, 10 years later.

    1. Artemesia*

      I have a friend who due to an eye condition has blank spots in her vision. Seated at a weirdly shaped table during a business meeting at a coffee shop she managed to set her full cup of coffee on a part of the table that wasnt there; the table had cut outs and oddly shaped sides like the swimming pool in your example.

  143. Nea*

    There are a lot of companies in my office building, so I need a badge to get into my office.

    One day I was so tired that I tried to call the elevator by swiping my office badge across the elevator buttons. It took three swipes before I realized why the elevator wasn’t coming!

    1. BadWolf*

      I always knew I was tired when I tried to “badge” out of our restrooms by holding my badge up to the door assist button (the one that opens the door for you).

    2. Hlyssande*

      I’ve done the same thing. I also once tried badging into the office with my car’s key fob and have tried waving my badge at the car door to unlock it.

    3. Teacher Muppet*

      I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve tried to key into my office and classroom in a residence hall using my credit card instead of my faculty ID. But my most stellar moment of absentminded professorhood was trying to unlock my office door with my car key fob button.

  144. RandomU...*

    I was sitting in a conference room with the development team for one of my projects. It was me and 2 other people; one sitting across from me and one sitting right next to me.

    I had just taken a big sip of water when one of those stealth coughs came out of nowhere with no time to react (think high allergy season) and I spit a mouthful of water in the face of the guy sitting next me. OMG I was mortified and just wanted to crawl under the table.

    1. Drax*

      I’m so glad that happens to other people. I’ve been lucky enough they’ve never happened at work but my boyfriend thinks it’s so weird. Of course it only happens just as I have a mouth full of water, so it comes out of my nose and sprayed across what ever room I am in.

  145. Malarkey01*

    I presented on A Very Important internal call with the entire senior leadership of our large organization. I did a great job with my 5 minute topic, got a big public thank you for my efforts on this project, and then my grand boss thanked me and told me I could sign off. Instead of saying “thank you goodbye” I said “I love you bye”. Then instead of laughing and saying sorry force of habit from family calls or something I said “wait no, not I love you, I mean you’re a great boss and I love working with it but don’t LOVE you…oh God this is off the rails, sorry, thank you I’ll hang up now”. All I heard was a lot of laughing as I disconnected.

    2. LabManagerGuy*

      “…oh God this is off the rails…” Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

      I am so sorry this happened to you, and I can easily see myself digging myself a hole like this, but damn, that was hilarious.

    3. broke into the military by accident*

      I’m dying. I used to sit next to a senior law partner’s secretary and she was on the phone with him one day and at the end went “okay thanks, love you, bye” and hang up like nothing happened. a few seconds went by and then her jaw dropped open and she went “nooooo!!!” I was crying

    4. Seeking Second Childhood*

      I once finished a call with my manager “Love you, hon!” Thank goodness she thought it was funny.
      I learned not to write emails to my husband while talking to anyone else.

  146. mQuinn*

    I worked retail for several years and some of the male models from the catalog would come through to buy clothes. While ringing up one of said models, I got very flustered because he was very attractive. This included bumping my head on the counter, miss keying items, getting the sticker for the tissue paper stuck on the counter and so on. At the end of the transaction he had his messenger bag on the counter like he might put the clothes in there instead of one of our bags, so I meant to ask him if he wanted me to put his items in a bag. Instead I asked, “do you want to bag me?” My manager face planted into a pile of cashmere sweaters to drown out his laughter. I stayed red for at least the next two hours.

    3. Batgirl*

      It took me three attempts to repeat this story to my boyfriend because I was just collapsing in giggles.

  147. Smia*

    Put on some kind of ointment on my legs due to a rash. Wore a light blue dress that day. Ointment seeped through and made a very visible greasy looking stain on my butt. Did not notice it all day. Probably looked like I wet my pants or something.

  148. OtterB*

    I started my first post-college job, with a long commute. It was dark and foggy when I left home the first morning, but bright and sunny by the time I got to the office, and I left my headlights on. This was long ago, before lights automatically turned off. I left work to a dead battery and had to go back inside and get a coworker to help me jump start the car. Great first impression.

  149. Gussie Fink-Nottle*

    The only embarrassment was in my head, I really don’t think anyone else noticed! My first week at a new job I tripped walking up a giant metro escalator in a dress, and the escalator’s “teeth” cut scores into my ankle, which just started bleeding and bleeding. I was new to the professional world and so worried about being on time that I walked the 5 minutes to the office and went to my desk so I could visibly be “present” for about a half hour before running to the bathroom and cleaning up. I don’t actually think anyone noticed I was sitting there with a wound, but I was SURE that everyone would see

  150. Urdnot Bakara*

    I used to work for an SAT/ACT tutoring company and that meant I had to occasionally proctor mock tests for students on the weekends. Toward the end of my time with this company, they moved their main office to a completely different part of town, which meant we started using a new location for mock tests. This new location was 2 floors, stairs only, and the mock tests were administered on the 2nd floor.

    In order for the building to be accessible, they had installed this industrial-looking lift on the outside of the building that attached to a door on the 2nd floor. When not in use, the lift folded against the outer wall of the building next to the door, and if the lift was in this position, the door on the 2nd floor would lead to… nothing. Open air. Of course, I received zero training on how to operate this lift, and a student who used a wheelchair registered for the very first exam I proctored at this building, and I was the only employee at the test location that day so there was no one around who could help me.

    So there I am, right before the test is supposed to start, dangling out this 2nd floor doorway, attempting to fold down the lift and figure out how to lower it to the ground level. I eventually get the lift folded into the proper position, but then I can’t get it to move. I tried and tried for about 15 minutes before the student’s parent just told me to forget it and they would take the test at a different location. Found out later that you need a damn key to operate the lift, anyway, which I’d never received. I was so embarrassed and also pissed–at myself, for not thinking about the accessibility issue ahead of time and for seriously inconveniencing the student and their parent, and at the company, for this massive oversight! Anyway, I did not stay in the test prep business for long after that.

    1. Turtlewings*

      Ugh, fantastic example of people’s weird way of making accessibility a huge special inconvenient Thing. Why does the lift have to be collapsed when not in use? Why does it have to need a key to operate? Why does it have to be a Thing? Not scolding YOU for this at all, btw, you tried your best, but geez louise at the situation. Link incoming for excellent tumblr rant about this kind of thing.

      2. Urdnot Bakara*

        Yeah, exactly. It was a nuts situation. Also, it appeared to be a new building, so…. why couldn’t they have just put in elevators and make everyone’s lives easier??

        Thanks for the Tumblr post–very insightful.

  151. Ptarmigan*

    Slightly inebriated at the company Christmas party, I referred to the great country of “Canadia”…while sitting at a table of Canadians.

  152. pleaseGODblackthisoutofmymemory*

    This was SOOOOOO embarrassing, I don’t want to even write this down here… but in my first job out of college, I was driving home from a remote client meeting with a colleague (think like, hour and a half long drive), and I fell asleep in the front seat of the car… and awoke from my nap when I farted INCREDIBLY loudly. This would have been embarrassing in front of anyone, but she was especially uptight – I was like “oh my god, I’m so sorry!” and she said “…that’s okay…” Didn’t speak for the rest of the car ride. TERRIBLE!!!!!

    1. PugLife*

      Oh no that sounds super awkward!! I have a similar story, not work related, but
      I was once at a New Year’s Eve sleepover party with a college friend, her boyfriend, and some of her high school friends (who were all cool and wealthy and I wanted to impress). I was sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor next to my friend and her boyfriend. High school friends are on the couch behind us. I’m half drifted off to sleep, and I feel a fart coming, and I forget where I am and just let it out…. it was a big one.

      I hear my friend whisper to her boyfriend “Did you hear that??” and I, mortified and now wide awake, lay there as still as possible trying to pretend to be asleep.

      Apparently I was successful because I was rewarded with the sounds of them enthusiastically making out for quite some time.

      1. anon for this*

        i once had a very casual relationship with some tinder guy and one time i woke up with him spooning me (in my tiny twin bed, so we were very close) and i was so out of it that i just farted a huge fart. then i realized and wanted to immediately die but instead pretended i was asleep while silently screaming. i have no idea if he was awake for that or not

        1. JJ*

          The first time I farted in front of my now-husband, he had just left the room, I thought I was safe and let it rip. He came back to the room, sniffed the air, and turned accusingly to his cat and said LOU!!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!?

          I couldn’t take it, I burst out laughing and he turned to me and said THAT WAS YOU?!?!?! OH MY GOD!!!!

          Still makes me giggle!

    2. Queen of the File*

      Congratulations on finally making me lose my composure at my desk. I’m so sorry and thank you for sharing XD

  153. NotTouchingThat*

    On the first day of my first job I was handed a uniform and directed to change in the bathroom down the hall. I walk in (didn’t knock) and there is a guy going to the bathroom. He sarcastically asked me if I was there to help him.

    Of course, it turns out to be my new manager.

  154. Underestimated Bump*

    I was about five months pregnant with my first baby and just starting to really need maternity clothes. I decided to wear a non-maternity shift dress made of a fabric with no stretch that still (I thought) fit ok. This was on a day I was expecting to get news on a big grant I had written. I got into work, sat at my desk and split the back seam of the dress right down my butt. No one saw it, but I was so mortified and flummoxed I ended up tying a tiny cardigan around my “waist” (not a good look with a baby bump), telling my boss I felt sick and going home for the day. I got the good news about the grant from home and missed out on a lot of important kickoff discussion that day. Years later I’m more embarrassed about bailing on work than the dress rip, but there you have it.

  155. Peaches*

    This is my work/church mix up story.

    At work, I answer the phones with “Good morning/afternoon, (company name), this is Peaches”. I also regularly serve communion at my church, and the spiel I say before dispersing the bread is “this is Christ’s body, broken for you.” A couple times over the years, I’ve accidentally answered the phone at work and started to say, “this is Chri-“, before realizing and going back to my usual work spiel. On the other hand, a couple times at church while serving communion, I’ve started saying “Good morning (company name)-” before realizing and going back to my communion spiel. Lol.

    1. Tina Belcher's Less Cool Sister*

      Muscle/verbal memory is funny like that. I’ve definitely answered the phone with a spiel from a previous job before!

    2. Sam Sepiol*

      Oh god when I was a volunteer at Samaritans I occasionally used to get the greeting mixed up with my work greeting. That was awful.

    3. Drax*

      This happened to me recently. I’ve been at my current position for just over a year, I work at the Hogs Head and I recently answered the phone (like a month ago) “Good morning, The Leaky Cauldron. Oh, I don’t work there anymore. Wait, where do I work? Where am I.” All of that verbal, steadily coming out more and more panicked.

      I couldn’t remember my company name but I did know it wasn’t the Leaky Cauldron (where I used to work) and my mouth would Not. Stop. Talking.

      thankfully it was the accountant who was laughing so hard he was just wheezing, no other sound. He called again yesterday and immediately started laughing while asking if I’m sure that’s where I am today. I wasn’t but I guessed right.

  156. Woopsies*

    I was in my first career job, still young, but worked with a lot of physicians, directors, and VPs in a health system. We were on a weekly call that included lots of said higher ups and my boss, and my coworker and I were on mute at the moment. A physician came to talk to one of us, but instead of opening our office door, which was unlocked, he just kept knocking. We were on the phone down the hall so he couldn’t see that we were in the office. I loudly said, in a moment of sheer frustration, “The f***ing door is unlocked, why doesn’t he just come in??” Turns out we were not on mute. Everyone heard, but no one (that I know of) knew it was me. Luckily my boss also happened to miss the meeting that week…

  157. James M Barnes*

    I was once on an after works hours conference call with a group of people on the west coast. It was winter and I was coming off of a cold.

    I was mostly listening, (with my phone to my ear), and walking around. I realized I needed a tissue, and since I was closer to the men’s room than my desk, I walked in to grab a Kleenex out of the box that was on the counter.

    Naturally the box was empty so, without thinking, I walked into a stall and grabbed some TP. As I walked away the toilet motion detector activated and the toilet flushed.

    “Whoosh” super loud……

    1. Mbarr*

      Ha ha ha!

      When I was in university, our professor called a break half way through our 3 hour night class. We’re all chilling in the room, when suddenly, over the sound system, we can hear liquid tinkling.

      Naturally we assumed the prof was using the washroom and forgot to turn her microphone off, but the TA started waving her hands, “She’s just getting a drink from the fountain!” Not sure who I believe…

  158. July*

    I have a terrible habit I don’t know how to describe. Basically if I’m standing for a long time, I stand on every part of my feet. I stand on my tip toes for a while, then I rock back on my heels, and so on. I was at a work event wearing d’orsay pumps and holding a glass of wine when I shifted my weight to the outsides of both my feet by rolling my ankles. Well. My ankles kept rolling, because these shoes were not at all suitable for such foot gymnastics. I fell right on my butt, which would have been bad enough on its own, but I managed to 1) lose a shoe, 2) spill my glass of wine all over myself, and 3) fart in surprise.

  159. Drew*

    Minor things in the grand scheme of it, but:

    A) Summer job in a factory. I’m not sure why, but that particular day I was especially gassy and thought that I was being subtle. An hour or so into my shift, my foreman calls me over and says, “If you have to fart, please go outside. No one wants to stand here stacking a pallet in your stink.” I didn’t stay at that job very long.

    B) Got a horrible cold one summer when I had a campus job. Accidentally took a double dose of cold medicine right before heading to an office to check in and out reels of magnetic tape (this was a LONG time ago, kids). In my defense, they shouldn’t put two Contac in the same blister if the recommended dose is one. Soon as I got to work, I guzzled a quart of OJ and passed out. My boss found me there, drooling on the counter, and very kindly said that she would watch the desk from her office and I should walk back to the dorm and get some rest. Cue me sleeping for two days.

    C) Few years later, I am teaching a high school class, about to start a test review, when I realize that the zipper on my slacks has broken. I taught that entire test review seated at my desk, and fortunately it was the last class of the day, so I got to go home afterward and trash those slacks (the zipper was unfixable). I don’t think I accidentally flashed any students, but I do know at least a couple noticed before I did.

  160. Jane*

    At one job we had a regular meeting and there were never enough seats. One time I was standing against the wall and fainted…across the only door to the room. Right at the end of the meeting. The 50 people in the room had nothing to do but to wait for me to be revived, watch me groan incoherently for a while, and then watch me be sick, before I was well enough to move from the door and they could all leave.

    That was bad enough, but at all the meetings from them on I had older people and sick people and pregnant people offering me their chairs and saying they’d stand instead, which I never stopped finding mortifying.

  161. Bazinga*

    This happened maybe 20 years ago. I actually forgot about it till reading some of the other stories.
    I was a nurse working night shift. I went in at 7 pm, started getting report on my patients, then suddenly felt awful. Ran to the bathroom. Explosive vomiting and diarrhea simultaneously. I made it to the toilet but didn’t grab a trash can so I threw up all over the bathroom. I felt like hot death and of course had to leave. My coworkers had to clean up after me. I owed them big time. That has never happened to me before or since (thankfully!!).

    1. Mbarr*

      Oh no! That’s terrible.

      I had a similar situation – got sent to the Philippines for a work trip. Threw up, felt better, went into the office, then threw up again in the washroom – but I was busy pooping so I couldn’t react in time. I had to get my Filipino coworkers to call a cleaning staff, then also to call the hotel (I couldn’t figure out how to use the phones) to arrange a car for me to go home.

      The trip from the 35th floor of the building down to the car lot was one of the toughest things I’ve had to do because I started passing out half way there. I managed to get a seat at the Security desk and after 10 minutes, dragged myself the final 30 meters to the outside to the car.

      Turns out 3 of us got food poisoning. The best part (I found this out later) was that the colleague I was travelling with was judging me, “This is what you get for trying all the crazy local foods!” She made it through the entire work day before the food poisoning hit her. She made it down from the 35th floor of the office, but then the diarrhea hit. The closest washrooms were on the second floor, and the only way to access it was via escalators that were shut down. #karma

  162. Totally anonymous for this*

    I was at work and walking across the hospital’s parking lot. It was summer and I was wearing a dress without stockings. The waistband on my panties decided it was far too constricted and broke away, falling to my ankles. I just stepped out of them and kept walking to the gift shop to buy new underwear for the rest of the day. Luckily it wasn’t a breezy afternoon

    2. Nicelutherangirl*

      Boy, am I glad I’m not the only one who has had that particular underwear malfunction. My tale is below, posted about two hours after yours.

    3. Hey Karma, Over here.*

      OH THE DRESS! So I started working and had to walk a mile to the bus then a mile through town to my office from the bus stop (I lived four miles away, but parking was expensive and I was young and anyway) I used a back pack. I’d walked almost a mile until some guy came up behind me to say, “I’m not trying to stare at you or be rude, or freak you out, but your dress is bunched up under your backpack.” Yup, imagine walking up Broadway at 8 in the morning with your butt hanging out. Kill me now.

  163. mags*

    At my old job, we had an open floor plan where everyone could see each other’s screens. This was when stress-relieving coloring books were huge and i thought one might be fun. Apparently, googling “adult coloring book” is not the right path for relaxing mandala-coloring success.

    1. Jessen*

      One of my coworkers is a fan of birdwatching…and googled “florida boobies” from a work computer.

      1. JokersandRogues*

        I was telling a colleague about a video of a bear that had extreme mange and how odd the bear looked with no fur. He wanted to see and started to google “naked bear” at work. I stopped him but wouldn’t tell him why just told him to wait until he got home.

        1. Sheep herder*

          I needed to order golf supplies for a work sponsored outing and googled “Dicks” for Dicks Sporting Goods.

  164. anontime*

    I am so angry at your workplace on your behalf–so demeaning! You should have been allowed to go home and wash up or else go and buy something new, whichever you preferred.

    I had something similar happen while I was a research assistant in my 20s. One second I was fine and the next I was completely blood-soaked. My clothes. My thighs. Everything was not only stained, but dripping wet. I was leaving a trail. It was so mortifying and I was also somewhat concerned because I had never seen my body do that before (it’s not happened since).

    I told my boss I would be right back and that was the end of it. My face told the story, I imagine. If someone had given me grief I would have quit on the spot.

  165. RandomU...*

    Oh and another one I thought of.

    Years ago I was chatting with some coworkers just outside of their cube. I put my hand up to rest it on the top of the cube and next thing I know I had sparked off a cube wall domino demolition. So now the 3 other coworkers and myself are scrambling to grab hold of walls to keep them from taking out other walls and people’s workstations. None of us could move for fear of starting the destruction again.

    After calling out for a little bit we got some help to set everything upright again and I then had to write a note to our office manager that they needed to get someone in to connect them back together.

    Ughh, that was embarrassing.

  166. Sir Freelancelot*

    I work from remote, and since my job doesn’t require much video calls, I used to dress pretty chill when I was at home. Then, my friend bought me a Kigurumi, aka that one piece pajama shaped like an animal, with the hood that is shaped like an animal. A dragoon, in my case. A sparkly dragon.
    Well, it was comfortable and warm, and one day I was freezing, and I decided to wear it while completing a project. Then our server crashed, all my team panicked, and the boss called. I was panicking, trying to remember if I had made a copy of the project, I forgot what I was wearing and I accepted the video call.
    His face was priceless. Still forgetful of my outfit, I asked him to wait a sec while I was going to fetch my second laptop. I stood up giving him a full view of my dragon pajama, complete with a shiny dragon tail, of course. I realized it when I heard him choking laughing. He laughed so much he almost cried. Now I keep the dragon pajama just for sleeping, but the boss still calls me “the dragon manager” from time to time.

    3. Jessen*

      This is why my entire team has duct tape over our work laptop webcams. So we can verify we are absolutely definitely in shape to be seen on camera if needed before the camera turns on. I have a habit of working either topless or in a thin tank top and no bra in summer, so…

      1. Sir Freelancelot*

        Yeah, I started to do something similar to my webcam after becoming the new Targaryen!

        1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

          It was the tail part of the tale. Did not imagine that type of dragon! Like, onesie jammies with a dragon chest, ok, hahaha. OMFG. You were dressed up as a dragon.

      1. Sir Freelancelot*

        Ahaha, thanks! Yeah, I hoped I could make you all sense the “tragedy” since sentence n.1!

    5. Cozy Panda*

      This reminded me of one!

      I had just moved to a new home that happened to be in the same general area as a CW. Well, one evening I’m hanging out in my Red Panda Kigurumi watching TV when a strange car pulls up and CW gets out to say hi and congratulations on the move! I had to give a full house tour with a tail…fortunately he’s never mentioned it again!

      1. Sir Freelancelot*

        Omg, Red Panda Kigurumi sounds fantastic!! And hey, I bet you gave him one of the most interesting tours of his life!

    8. BadWolf*

      I had to come back today and read this again. Love it so much! Might need to shop for a dragon Kigurumi for myself.

  167. kjvp*

    Not me, but a friend. She worked at a bookstore that had a basement storage area/bathroom two floors down from the main store. She went down to grab something from the room, and the door shut behind her and locked — from the outside. Because it was a sub-basement, she didn’t have any cell service, so she had to use the things she could find in the room to dissemble the door handle from the inside and escape. When she got back upstairs 45 minutes later, her coworkers were like, “Oh yeah, we were wondering where you were” and informed her that another employee had gotten stuck down there previously. He had taken a more direct route and used an axe he found in the room to hack his way out. My friend now carries a multi-tool with her at all times in case she has to make another unexpected escape.

  168. Deryn*

    I woke our data analytics manager up early by accident when the help desk gave me his emergency cell phone number instead of his desk phone.

    I work quite early in the morning and had a completely non-urgent issue that I called about, and they gave me his number without specifying it was a cell meant only for emergencies (like a breach of confidential patient data, etc). I called him around 7 AM figuring I’d leave a voicemail if he wasn’t around. Nope. Got a bleary “…hullo? [yawn] can’t this… wait?” Yep, it definitely could. That was about two years ago and because I have a spectacularly silly full name (think Deryn Milkshake) I KNOW he remembers that it was me.

  169. MonteCristo85*

    This wasn’t so embarrassing to me as it completely beyond my control, but it embarrassed my boss horribly. We were up at corporate for a week for training, and the whole group of us where going shopping and out to eat after. My boss freshened up with perfume before we headed out, and in the confines of the car, it really started to affect me badly. I’m not exactly allergic, but I’m very sensitive to most fragrances, and this one set me off more than any other I’ve been around. By the time we made the shopping center, I had a pounding headache and was feeling faint. Unfortunately, the place we had headed to was a Michaels (a crafting store, usually very scented) and that did me the rest of the way in. I made it out to the bench outside and laid down on it, and promptly passed out. It was a little awkward, to say the least.

  170. Lyrenna*

    Most mortifying moment was during my first summer in an office. I had thrown out some food in the garbage can at my desk, which was usually emptied nightly. Not realizing that the cleaning crew just dumped the contents into a larger garbage and did not change the garbage bag, a bit of food remained stuck in the trash for several days. I threw something else away some time later and a puff of fruit flies came out of my garbage can. I panicked. Ultimately, I tied off the bag and walked it to a garbage can outside, but a number of fruit flies had escaped by that point :-/

    Lesson: Never assume the cleaning staff will fully empty your garbage can. Throw away any foodstuffs in the larger kitchen garbage which is fully emptied nightly.

  171. Motormouth*

    First PR job out of college at a fancy ad agency in Miami. Eager to impress.

    Decide to demonstrate a shoulder muscle stretch my physical therapist sister taught me.

    To the CEOs wife and the most senior account manager. In the middle of the office.

    Cue nip slip.

    Audible gasps.

    Why so many faces of horror, I wonder?

    Before I realize.

    I worked there for another year. I’m eleven years into my career and I still break into a cold sweat thinking of that moment.

  172. Liz*

    I came out of the ladies room one day, with a tp tail hanging down the back of my skirt. The worst part was, it was a male CW who noticed it and told me! oops. I mean i’m glad he did, but still kind of humiliating.

  173. Lena Clare*

    Once taught a really naughty class (who were behaving well this day!) with my blouse wide open, as in full ‘sports, that-time-of-the-month, slightly greying bra-on-show’ open.
    They were basically too gob smacked to misbehave.

    Um, wore some tights and a skirt, picked up a load of books and started handing them out to students completely oblivious that I’d caught the hem of my skirt in the pile of books and was walking around with my tights on display. I mean, opaque, but still. Really nobody wants their teacher’s crotch in their face.

    Speaking of crotches, I was recalling a story to a teacher friend that I’d been speaking to the Head that afternoon and while he was talking to me I had kind of zoned out and my gaze wondered and it was only after a few seconds I’d realised I was staring at his crotch. So I was telling her the story and doing the impression of Helen Hunt in that film where Mel Gibson can hear what women are thinking. We were using adult language, and laughing our heads off. This was at the end of day so no students were around – we thought. Got to the bottom of the stairs, some teen was sitting there waiting for I don’t know what. We froze, stopped talking, carried on walking as if no one had heard anything. Nobody ever mentioned it ever again.

    Oooo one last one (I embarrass myself a LOT at work). I fell backwards over a box of dictionaries while teaching and the whole class saw me go @rse over t1t! That was kind of funny though.

    And that’s not even mentioning the times I’ve had period accidents at work, including once at a client’s house.

    2. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      Oh my goodness, just as a student I remember some really embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions that teachers had, what a nightmare! It’s like all those dreams that we are naked at school come alive.

      One teacher had a blouse with magnetic buttons and was expressive AF with her hands/arms. So she flung her arms wide while talking one day and pop pop pop pop.

      1. JustaTech*

        My middle school math teacher had a habit of holding a bit of chalk under her nose and twirling it while she thought. Normally this was just a very minor quirk, since she wore pretty heavy foundation and it was white or yellow chalk.

        On the day the headmistress came to do classroom evaluations the math teacher was both very nervous and trying to use more chalk colors. So she ended up with a huge green mark under her nose. We (the students) didn’t want to say anything while the headmistress was there, but as soon as she left we were all “Miss, miss! Under your nose!”

        She had *no* idea she’d been doing that for the better part of a year.

    3. Teacher Muppet*

      Had a new dress, with three buttons at the top. Which unbuttoned themselves while I was teaching. I was wearing a full slip underneath, thankfully, but no one said a word when it happened. From then on, I supplemented those buttons with three safety pins.

  174. Zombeyonce*

    I’m not sure if this counts since that technically wasn’t at work, but I was late at least once a week to a high school job because I got lost on the way and ended up being (lightly) questioned by military police.

    You’d think that I would know how to get to a job I went to almost every day, but I had a terrible sense of direction and had just moved to a large city and had to drive on multiple highways to get to work (which was intimidating to someone who learned to drive in a tiny town). I would get distracted and forget which exit was the correct exit and accidentally take the wrong one, inevitably ending up on a different highway going a different direction and desperately taking random exits trying to get back to the right highway.

    I very often ended up at the exit that only went to a military base. It was incredibly embarrassing constantly getting questioned by the MPs at the gate and then to turn my car around and get right back on the hopefully correct highway.

    I had to start making up different reasons for being late to my boss because they stopped believing me after I did this a few times, even though it was the same reason every time. I’m pretty sure everyone at work thought I was an idiot. I’m not, I swear, I just can’t find my way to a specific location to save my life. Thank the gods that GPS exists now.

  175. Dismuse*

    At a Christmas office party one year we went to this posh restaurant in town. I was relatively, for me, daring with the food and had a good time. Then just as we debated desert this server came over and started accusing me of crapping and puking all over the bathroom. She threw a cloth at me and told me to go and clean it up because that wasn’t her job.

    I hadn’t. It was still mortifying and she wouldn’t believe I hadn’t done it! I was nearly in tears.

    (Eventually my boss was called over, pointed out I didn’t drink, I’d had a chicken dish, and maybe she should take this up with the drunk rugby players? Then he told her to go away.)

    2. Howtu Comment*

      Not sure how posh it could’ve been if they demand customers clean their bathroom.

      I once went to a posh restaurant, when I left the table the waiter refolded my napkin into a decorative square and left it on my chair.

  176. Ra94*

    Last summer, I did an internship at a big law firm (more of an extended interview than an internship.) It was a brutally hot summer and I commuted by train, so I would wear my comfy white leather Birkenstocks on my way to work, then change into heels just outside the building. By the second week, I noticed that lots of people were changing their footwear at their desks, so I switched to changing my shoes at my desk.

    One day, I came in, logged in, and saw an email from HR that our ‘presentation exercise’ (putting together a ‘fun’ group presentation in front of partners, not a formal assessment but an informal one) had been rescheduled to that morning, and would be starting in 20 minutes. Immediately my brain switched to presentation mode and I quickly gathered what I needed and went to the conference room. It wasn’t until my group was about to present that I glanced down and realized I was wearing a chic gray skirt suit, a silk blouse, and…white leather Birkenstocks.

    I decided it would be too disruptive to ask to go change, and I just styled it out as if nothing were out of place whatsoever and it had been an intentional fashion choice. No one said a thing and I ultimately got the job, but I wonder to this day whether they thought I’d genuinely thought it was a good presentation outfit or whether they guessed I’d forgotten to change my footwear.

  177. Bazinga*

    Oh and another one (sigh). About 2 weeks I to my new job I was heading to a meeting with a coworker. I was going down a long set of stairs. One was wet. I fell down the entire set of stairs, and when I got up my nose was gushing blood. I go into the bathroom, dump the blood out of my cupped hands, get paper towels and go to the meeting. I was, of course, immediately taken to the ER and diagnosed with a broken nose. I also ended up with 2 black eyes that lasted at least a week. Makeup did NOT cover them.

  178. Punctuality is key*

    I had been at my new job for a month and they invited me to the holiday party. They said I could bring a plus one so I brought my roommate. She proceeded to tell really embarrassing stories about me including that I gave her a sex-position-of-the-day calendar as a joke for her birthday.

    We are no longer friends.

  179. Dare*

    So I was having a really shitty day at my retail job. I was buying something for lunch and a customer asked for help. I said, I’m on lunch, but coworker can help you.
    Relevant- I NEVER refuse to help customers. I ended up going in the back of the store and crying out of guilt/whatever shit was going on. Should’ve used the bathroom bc the store manager found me. Awkwardly asked if he could help me.
    To top it off, the customer I fobbed off complained about me.

  180. Dary*

    I had a job that involved making long distance phone calls all day. Dial 9 for an outside line, 1 for long distance, then an unfamiliar phone number. A few months in, I accidentially dialed 9-1-1. I panicked when the dispatcher answered and hung up, which caused a police officer to be sent to my office to check that there wasn’t an emergency. I had to admit to my mistake and apoligize to the officer in front of the whole office…

    1. Sneaky Ninja for this one*

      Been there. Done that. I think my whole office has. 911 usually calls back before they send someone out. We had a few emails from HR come out that if we accidentally call 911 stay on the phone and tell them it was an accident. I also call a lot to 919 area code. So it’s 9 1 919 lots of room for trip ups.

  181. SOAS (NA)*

    There are so many that are cringey embarrassing, like oh my god how could I be such an ass.

    But funny embarrassing would be that a few weeks ago I fell out of my chair. I like to put my chair up high as possible, (which really isn’t very high). I dropped something and when I leaned down to pick it up, I fell over. It was more like a gentle tumble, and I wasn’t hurt but oh man people were looking, mostly concerned. I started laughing though and just felt embarrassed.

  182. AliP*

    I interviewed for the wrong job once. It. Was. MORTIFYING. I went in to interview for Department A at Large University, only to find out this was actually a position with Department B, which I had applied to months ago. I was all of 22 years old at the time, and the slowly dawning horror was probably evident on my face when I began to realize why none of the questions they were asking me made any sense. The interviewers realized it about the same time. They were extremely gracious, but it was just so dang embarrassing.

    1. Tina Belcher's Less Cool Sister*

      My husband did the same thing last year! He had applied for about 12 positions at the very large university where I worked, and got called in for an interview. Either they didn’t say or he didn’t recall exactly which job it was for, so he prepared for Dept A and it very definitely turned out to be an interview for Dept B. He did not get a call back…

      And he was much older than 22 ;)

        1. Astrid*

          At least it wasn’t on camera – if you search for “Guy Goma” you’ll find the story of a man who was interviewing for an IT job at the BBC and was mistaken for a guest, put on air and interviewed about an Apple trademark dispute.

  183. Anax*

    Slipped on ice, fell into a snowbank, ended up rolling about ten feet down a snowy hill before I managed to recover. On my commute to work.

    Y’all who come from warm places may not know that roadside snow is FILTHY by mid-winter – it’s all dirt, asphalt, and car exhaust. So I come into work soaked to the skin, shivering, covered in dirt.

    Thanks, clumsiness, you’re a pal. -_-

  184. Apt Nickname*

    I’ve got two:

    In my first ‘adult’ job, I was tasked with tracking down some information. This involved calling one number and then usually being told who specifically to call (think bank branches). Well, I called a nice lady in the south who in a very cheerful, strong southern accent told me to call “Cookie.” “Cookie?” I asked, thinking I’d misheard. “Oh yeah, her real name is Linda, but we all call her Cookie!” Okay, fine, Cookie it is. So I called the number given and said “May I speak to…..Cookie, please? The gravelly, smoker’s voice that answered paused and replied “This is Cookie.” I don’t think EVERYONE called her Cookie.

    Also, in another job, on exactly my one year mark, my boss had to take me to the ER. My lead worker was on vacation, my other coworker had quit, and I was all on my own and therefore rushing around. I ended up with a superheated flask of agar that geysered in my face. Yes, I’m fine now but it was mortifying, especially since she drove me there and then waited until my husband could come it, which took a while.

    1. Lepidoptera*

      Read that twice as “flask of anger” and was about to make a ‘bottling up your emotions’ joke.

  185. Sneaky Ninja for this one*

    Dropped an F bomb about a vendor who was screwing up in an email, and forgot to remove the vendor from the chain. Whoops.

    Said “I’m a woman, I don’t know what I want” when a high level person at the electric company asked me what I wanted to do about a cluster of a situation. It was my first meeting with them. I was young, stupid, and unprepared. IT got better.

    Told our CFO that 100-17 was 173.

    Left a patient on a very long hold while I ran down the hall and hurled in the bathroom. Went from feeling fine to I’m going to die in .2 seconds.

  186. SuddenlySeymour*

    Very early in my career and tenure at Llama College, I was working in a mentoring capacity with college students as a young twenty something woman – and therefore very conscientious of not crossing boundaries. I was talking with a more boisterous student of mine about transferring he was having on campus – he was going on about how he needed to transfer schools due to a recent bad breakup (I worked at a small school) and seeing his ex everywhere. Trying to sympathize, I said something along the lines of, “oh, yeah, that can be hard – I had a similar experience in college and it’s hard at first.” The conversation continued a moment, then he stopped dead after about 45 seconds and said, very loudly and suddenly in my open door office with all my colleagues close by, “Wait…didn’t you go to a women’s college? ARE YOU BISEXUAL?!”

    I was completely shocked into the guppy-faced silence often portrayed in cartoons. Everyone in my office heard. I had no idea how to recover the conversation.

    3. K*

      Genuinely, the only one with anything to be embarrassed about in this situation is dude. What a jerk.

  187. Corporate Lady*

    I was texting with my boss and my boyfriend at the same time. My boyfriend and I ere coordinating our evening plans. I wrote a text saying, “When do you want to see me for a snuggle?”

    Well, I sure did send it to my SVP and not my boyfriend. My boss handled it like a champ and we had a good chuckle about it. But HECK! I was mortified!

    1. MayLou*

      I got a text from the HR person at OldJob not long after I started, saying “love you so much darling”. Shortly followed by one apologising profusely and saying she was mortified, it was meant for her boyfriend. I thought it was very funny and actually quite sweet that she was sending such a nice message to her partner.

  188. Damn it, Hardison!*

    In college I worked in the bookstore, which offered a 10% discount to faculty and staff. A gentleman came up to the counter to purchased something and I asked if he was faculty or staff so I could give him the discount. He gave me a weird look, said yes, and I rang him up. After he left my fellow cashier said “That was the college president.” (It was a small college, and I was a junior, so….)

    I once tripped on a weather rug at work (the kind they put down in entrances during the winter) and nearly fell on my face. I popped back up thinking that it was embarrassing but hey, at least I didn’t end up on the ground with something torn, right? Then I had to come in the next day with a neck collar for whiplash.

    1. Regular Joe (2 sugars)*

      Yeah, well did he even know your name? Why would he think you’d know his, much less recognize him up close. That’s just hubris.

  189. Former Borders Refugee*

    My very first day at my very first job (movie theater), I was so anxious I didn’t eat and stood with my knees locked for a long time. I passed out while taking tickets.

  190. StoryTime*

    I was a few months into my new job and while riding the bus one morning to work I started to feel a little funny. It quickly escalated from “oh I’m nauseous” to “I am going to pass out.” I distinctly remember thinking “maybe people on the bus will just think I’m sleeping” as I began to fade out. Came to five minutes later and couldn’t remember how to speak English, was sweating profusely, and immediately vomited all over the man in front of me while everyone was yelling at me in concern – turns out I’d not passed out, I’d had a (totally unexpected and never happened before) seizure. So anyway the bus is now at my destination and I’m totally bamboozled but coherent enough to recognize my stop so I staggered off the bus and, in total shock, into my workplace. Got to my desk, and a coworker comes up to ask how my weekend was. Instead of responding normally, I slammed my shaking hand down on the desk and said “I JUST HAD A SEIZURE I THINK.” at full volume. The poor guy had no idea what to do. He was like “why are you still here? Go to the hospital?” I said “MAYBE I’LL STAY HERE AND SEE HOW I FEEL” and he was like “no you…..definitely need to go to the hospital…”
    At the time the whole thing was terrifying but looking back the next day when I was more coherent I was totally humiliated…I had sweated through my clothes so badly it literally looked like I had stepped out of a shower (it was dripping off my hair), I had vomit all down my front, I was apparently absolutely white, and I couldn’t remember how to keep my tongue in my mouth so it kept lolling out. I have no idea what he must have thought of me, looking like I’d just crawled directly out of some low-budget version of The Ring. I still avoid thinking about that day because every time I do I’m just like ‘why didn’t I go to the hospital right away…why did I horrify my poor coworker…’

    2. Bowserkitty*

      HOT DAMN. I’m more curious about how you were doing in the days after! Are you okay?

      1. StoryTime*

        I’m totally fine now! They couldn’t find any cause for it (I spent the next twelve hours in the hospital). Apparently the brain just sometimes glitches and you can have a seizure! Honestly the worst part was when I came too I couldn’t remember how to interpret or speak English for like a good five minutes. Everyone was shouting at me and I could NOT understand them. I’d been listening to music too and my phone had been on my lap and slipped when the seizure started, and this man kept trying to hand it back to me, but I had no idea what he was saying so I kept trying to refuse him but I couldn’t come up with the right words! So I think part of my shouting my medical concerns at my coworker came from a “I AM CONCENTRATING VERY HARD TO GET THESE WORDS OUT CORRECTLY” place. still…….so bad.

  191. The local JOAT*

    Where I work, uniform is our logo shirt and jeans or logo pants. I was up a ladder, assuming to the display of logo shirts for sale. I leaned down to get another stack from a coworker when abruptly I felt a breeze. Yup. Totally split my pants. Thank goodness I could grab a pair of logo pants from the shelf.

  192. Oops...*

    I once emailed a comedy advice podcast with a question about my fingernails mysteriously being orange and feeling like a gross heathen of an adult for eating only orange carby food that say and wondering if I was getting scurvy…… from my work email. Not my personal work email. The shared marketing account that we use to email 100s of industry contacts AND our clients. The email with both our marketing firm’s and our client’s business names in the address.

    I deleted the email from the sent folder and sent them an immediate second email from my personal account BEGGING them not to reply, ever. It has not been discovered and I don’t think it will be, it’s not career-ending but I would be incredibly embarrassed if anyone found out. Also because I usually eat quite a lot of vegetables.

  193. Liz*

    In high school, I got my first job at a friend’s mother’s business – I was the front desk person and general lackey at a yoga/massage place. It was a great job for a high schooler and I was generally a good employee, but I’ll never forget the day I came in for an after-school shift just totally exhausted – I probably hadn’t slept the night before – and, fairly late in the shift, decided to sit down on the couch for a bit just “to rest my eyes.”

    The next thing I knew, I woke up STANDING NEXT TO MY BOSS AS WE RECONCILED THE CASH DRAWER FOR THE NIGHT. My still-sleeping brain had managed to stand me up and walk me over to the register while I was still unconscious.

    I have no idea if she found me sleeping and ‘woke me up’ or if I managed to ‘wake up’ when she came in without giving myself away. She was acting totally normal when I came to at the register, and she never mentioned the incident to me at all. I have no history of sleepwalking and this is the only time something like this has happened to me.

    1. Yamikuronue*

      The number of times I’ve woken up to a voice on my phone explaining a problem at 3am… I guess my sleepy brain knows how to answer my cell appropriately with English.

  194. Lille*

    I got the laughs during a team-building activity that leadership was present and remote locations had called in for. It was so bad that I had to excuse myself and leave the room after five minutes of “coughing” and laughter.

    It was a conference call that had been planned weeks in advance and all staff members had to be present for. So at the main office, all staff including management were in one big meeting room and the other offices called it.

    Management spent God knows how much to get this specialist facilitator to lead the call. She had to get up at 5am to lead the call because of the time difference.

    She decided to lead us all in a joint meditation. It’s really not my thing and the whole thing felt a bit bizarre, but I managed to hold out until she said that we should “feel your pelvis! Feel it penetrate the building, reach all the way down and enter the ground!”

    That’s when the uncontrollable laughter started. I tried pinching myself, I tried coughing, I tried holding my breath… My colleague caught my eye and started laughing too, which just made everything worse.

    Eventually we both had to excuse ourselves and leave the meeting room.

    1. Turtlewings*

      Oh, the WTFery is strong with that one. I am losing it just hearing about it secondhand.

    3. Mr. Tyzik*

      I did this in a training class. The facilitator was talking about time and attendance, and she abbreviated it. So she kept saying, “Let’s look at the T&A!”

      I wasn’t the only one who lost it. Three of us were giggling and snorting while everyone else stared. She wasn’t happy. I don’t think any of the three of us explained it to her when we eventually recovered. I was 36. I never felt more like a freshman in sex ed.

  195. Beedzer*

    True story:

    The head of HR for a 16,000 employee company has a “town hall” for all of HR – about 250 people. (I was one of them.) People dutifully call in and the meeting goes like this:

    HR head: “So we’re really happy with our recruiting numbers—-“

    LOUD female voice: “YEAH, THE CRAMPS ARE HORRIBLE! WORSE THAN HAVING MY PERIOD AGAIN!!!”

    248 people on call: “Could everyone please mute themselves??!!!”

    HR head: “…so as I was saying—“

    LOUD female voice: “I HAVEN’T HAD CRAMPS LIKE THIS SINCE I WENT OFF BIRTH CONTROL!!!”

    (Now everybody is filling the chat
    with “PLEASE everyone mute your phone!!! Literally a frantic avalanche of chat messages.)

    LOUD female voice: “AREN’T YOUR PERIODS SUPPOSED TO GET LIGHTER AFTER YOU HAVE A VAGINAL BIRTH???”

    HR Head: (tries to be funny) “ummmm…sounds like someone is having some medical issues – could you please mute all phones…hahaha…”)

    This went on for a few minutes until someone figured out how to mute all callers. We figured that someone was on their cell phone talking to their doctor’s office while also having an open line into the call.

    Most people knew who the voice was, and it was a really cranky person who was not well liked. Funniest part – some of the men were traumatized – same ones who constantly told dirty jokes.

    We never had another HR Town Hall.

  196. Destroyer of Worlds, Empress of Awesome*

    This happened back in 1998, when I worked in academia.

    I came down with a really bad case of bronchitis. My doctor put me on this new, wonderful antibiotic that was developed especially for bronchial infections. It’s great! Clear you up in no time!!!!!!

    Well. I am part of the 2% of the population that is allergic to this drug (Levaquin). The allergic reaction includes a major psychotic break.

    I was a Dean’s Secretary at an SEC University (War Eagle!) and spent two days skulking around the office because I was convinced we had a serial killer hiding out in the offices. I worked with my door closed, wouldn’t put my feet on the floor (he might be under my desk) and never left my office without peering around the corner both ways. And even then, I’d skulk around, sneaking from one office to the next. My co-workers were….baffled.

    My boss sent me home and I called my pharmacist and she was the one who realized I was having an allergic reaction. Took me two days to get all the medication out of my system–I spent those two days curled up on the couch with a baseball bat in my hand. I was convinced there was an axe murdered on my porch. Now I make sure EVERY medical professional who even thinks about seeing me knows I’m allergic to Levaquin.

    1. blink14*

      I was recently prescribed Levaquin by my PCP, and felt SO weird on it. I stuck out the 5 days and vowed never again. A few weeks later, I had an appointment my allergist, and she was horrified that A) I had been prescribed Levaquin and B) that it’s still sold, she thought it had been out of circulation for at least 5 years.

      1. Destroyer of Worlds, Empress of Awesome*

        Every time I am in the hospital, they want to put me on that stupid drug. Every time I point to my red armband and say “No Levaquin, No Coffee! Bad things happen with both!”

        I’ve never heard one good report of someone using it. Everything I’ve heard has been negative. My incident happened when it was brand spanking new on the market.

        I’m super glad you didn’t have any worse reactions. Mine was awful, I’ll never forget that feeling, just scared right down to the bones.

  197. AK*

    I was supposed to buy golf carts for a department at my work to help carry gear from one part of the work campus from another. They did have a lot of gear, but they had broken previous golf carts because they treat everything they’re given like crap, and they were capable of carrying this gear by hand. So in my personal notes for my use only, I wrote “buy golf cart for lazy (department).”

    Imagine my surprise when my current boss and the guy who was about to take his job asked me into their office and said someone had seen what I had written in my to do list notes then TOLD THEM about it. They lectured me about how X weren’t lazy, they work really hard and we should do anything we can to make their job easier. I was mortified and effusively apologetic, but I’m also still pissed that someone would go over my head and tell on me to my boss(es). My job has a culture where it would be definitely okay for that person to have said to me, “hey, I saw what you wrote, and that’s a real a**hole thing to say/think.” Which it is! And I would have apologized to him and never done something like that again, and the first impression I made on my new boss wouldn’t have been that I’m a prick.

    Now I’m very very careful about what I write down and it made me really rethink what my expectation for privacy is (none).

    1. Batgirl*

      See if I had seen you write that about a peer-department that I would have just assumed it was a lighthearted joke, and felt a bit intrusive at even seeing it.
      The only scenario I can think of where it’s going to strike people as being off enough to ignore your privacy is if they were were really subordinate (like janitors or cleaners).

  198. Eliz*

    One time a guy I had been briefly seeing (about a month) sent me a break-up text at 1pm on a Friday. I was so caught off guard as we had plans to spend the weekend together and had JUST had a conversation two days prior about where our relationship was going, that I immediately burst into tears in front of several of my co-workers. Like, full on, could not breath between sobs. I also had a few people come to my desk to ask work-related questions while I was having this embarrassing meltdown. Luckily a co-worker eventually brought me into the bathroom where I remember saying “I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE!”. Mortifying. I’m normally a very quiet and reserved person at work, I don’t talk much about my dating life with my co-workers, and I definitely have never cried at work. I can barely even think about this without cringing.

  199. Get ready for A LOT of amniotic fluid.*

    I was 36 weeks pregnant and signed up to participate in a new five-day course offered at my government employer’s training academy. For some reason, they invited all the bigwigs to be there for the kick-off. People at my boss’ level, my boss’ boss’ level, and so on up to Assistant Secretary level. About 15 minutes in, after we all introduced ourselves, I felt a little something wet in my pants. I realized my water had started to break, so I bolted for the door. Apparently, I got out pretty stealthily. Now I was in the hallway. Where to go? I ran into a computer lab across the hall and starting laughing hysterically. Which caused my water to REALLY break. Like gushing out soaking my clothes, my shoes, the floor. I’m still laughing hysterically when I noticed some poor guy working on a computer and now staring at me horrified.

    I am a pretty cool-headed person in crisis (when not contracting), so I waddle-dripped back to the classroom, stuck my head in, and yelled, “Uh, could Work BFF 1 please come out to the hall with my bag?”

    Then I waddled out and stuck my head into another office where Work BFF 2 was. “Secretary! Please tell BFF 2 to come to the computer lab and it’s an emergency and thanks!”

    And that’s how my Work BFF 1 and 2, who had never met, were introduced.

    I tried to clean up in the bathroom while Work BFF 2 got her car. Someone somehow procured a “Happy Birthday!” plastic tablecloth to put under me for the car ride. This was all hysterical, they funniest thing that ever happened to me, and every time I laughed, just more and more amniotic fluid gushed out.

    On the walk to the car, I commented, “Huh, haven’t felt a contraction yet!”

    Pulling away from the building, I said, “Maybe that was one?”

    (Brief intermission while I try to stuff my entire lunch in my face because I know when I get to the hospital, they won’t let me eat.)

    Hitting the highway, “Hey, I felt that one.”

    Arriving at the hospital, “Ouch, these are bad.”

    Arriving at the maternity ward, “Good lord, these aren’t good.”

    Getting to triage, “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD KILL ME NOW I AM DYING.”

    Husband shows up at the point to find Work BFF 1 and 2 trying to coach me through contractions by playing Bollywood music off YouTube and telling me to visualize waves while I scream expletives in the nurse’s face.

    I kicked Work BFF 2 out when they moved me to a private room, since she wants to have kids, and I didn’t want to be responsible for changing her mind. Work BFF 1 stayed with me until the anesthesiologist arrived and declared I was too far gone to get an epidural (10 cm dilated). I told him that answer was not acceptable (no, I told him to go F-himself and if I needed an emergency C-section right now, he’d get an epidural in me, so he better damn well do it).

    At this point, the nurse asked my “doula” (actually Work BFF 1) to leave. One successful epidural (the good kind with fentanyl) and 1.5 hours later, baby was born!

    And that’s how I pretty much destroyed a carpet at work.

    3. Turtlewings*

      “she wants to have kids, and I didn’t want to be responsible for changing her mind” — that one (among others) cracked me up. When my younger sister was pregnant, our oldest sister ended up going to childbirth classes with her because her husband was out of town, as well as staying by her side for most of a quite brutal labor that ended in emergency C-section. The result? Older sister wants to adopt.

      1. YB anon*

        Not gonna lie, being in the delivery room when my little brother came into the world (when I was 14) put me off of having kids for a LOOOONG time. Like, DH and I just decided around age 34 that *maybe* we’d like to have kids.

    4. Sam Sepiol*

      I kicked Work BFF 2 out when they moved me to a private room, since she wants to have kids, and I didn’t want to be responsible for changing her mind.
      I cannot emphasise enough how impressed I am with your thinking process during labour. I was away with the fairies.

    5. Bowserkitty*

      This one cracked me up!!!! I love it!

      For some reason I gave you a Minnesotan accent when you were talking about the contractions!

  200. Liz*

    This one still makes me cringe but I certainly learned from it:

    In college I was a barista at a chain coffee shop. The rank-and-file employees there were all college students, and the managers were all older career employees, but we all worked together behind the counter. One day I was working with another student and a manager, and the other student and I started talking about our plans after graduation. And in talking about the white-collar jobs we planned to apply for, we used the phrase “real job.” Like, “when I get a real job…”

    The manager heard us and said, very mildly but pointedly, “REAL job?”

    I felt absolutely awful at that moment, realizing how insulting that must have been for her to hear and how classist it was for me to say. I always strive to be a progressive person and this exposed a huge blind spot in my worldview, and subtly changed the way I thought about a lot of things. So on balance I’m glad it happened, but OOF.

    1. Batgirl*

      Eh, I don’t think that’s so bad. I’m working class and the only person in my family who doesn’t wear overalls to work. When I had student jobs I had coworkers/managers who were going to stay in retail/manufacturing/whatever and I knew that while it was their real job, it was a temporary gig to me.
      Possibly you needed to learn how to be careful in expressing that; but a retail manager would usually understand that not everyone is going to make it their career.

  201. Mimi Me*

    I worked in a retail shop. I was doing a big merchandise “floor move” (one of those things where they change the look of the store for the season). I was wearing a brand new, front clasping bra from Victoria Secret. I’d had to special order it online because my breasts are quite large and they don’t carry my size in the store. The store was quiet – just me and my co-worker who was on lunch. There was a couple in the store. The woman was in the fitting room and her husband was running back and forth for sizes. He approaches me to ask a question. I’m on a step ladder so he’s looking up at me, I’m looking down at him. My arms are raised over my head installing a fixture so I’m kind of looking at him in a position where the arm closest to him is next to my ear. This is the moment the clasp on my front clasping bra decided to give out. There’s this audible ping noise and then my breasts, firmly confined until this point, going flinging off in opposite directions. We both stand there for a second and then it’s business as usual. I am climbing off the ladder trying to hold my arms in a way so my breasts aren’t wobbling around while in the bra and he’s turned red and is desperately trying to pretend that this hasn’t happened. It was MORTIFYING!

    1. voluptuousfire*

      Same thing happened to me with a VS bra at a friend’s sweet 16 in HS. Front clasp of the bra snapped and I had to call my mom to bring safety pins. Worst thing was while waiting outside the catering hall for my mom, a gross looking, obese older man who looked like something out of Central Casting for a perv slowed down, checked me out and beeped in appreciation. Yick.

      1. Slartibartfast*

        Ok I’m old. You remember the Victoria secret water bra? I had one. It sprung a leak during a college exam. Thankfully I had a jacket.

        By the way, they were filled with oil, actually.

  202. drinking meowing cyclist*

    1. I spilled wine on a work laptop. 6 years later, the IT director won’t let me live it down.

    2. I meowed in the office. We work from home 3 days a week and I’m very used to talking to my cats in their language when i get up from my desk to walk past them, so it just came out. I don’t think anyone heard.

    3. On an internship in a foreign country, i got my beautiful long flowy skirt caught in my bicycle gears and fell over in a parking lot. Two men ran over to help me extricate myself and all i knew how to say in that language was “thank you.” It was a very proper culture as well.

  203. Just a Manager*

    I was changing jobs to one near my home. I went into work really nervous about resigning (first time from a big company.) I talked with my manager. She was sad to see me go but nice about it. However I was so worked up that I got heart palpitations. This was a big healthcare company with hospitals, etc. They insisted I go to the emergency room. I ended up getting tests with nothing major. My boss and the company COO visited me in the emergency room. All after I had resigned that morning.

  204. Jordan*

    On the first day of my first trial (I was second chair, meaning my boss was running the trial, but I was actively assisting), I was nervous. On the table was a bunch of cups and an opaque pitcher filled with water. I decided to pour myself a cup of water but when I tilted the pitcher, nothing came out. That’s when I realized that there was a button on the top of the pitcher. I pushed the button…and the water gushed out, all over the table. Fortunately, my files were still packed away, but it was such a mess that the judge even got off the bench to hand me paper towels. Now, whenever I am on trial or have to pour from a pitcher, I relive that moment.

    1. Becky*

      This day I learned that “second chair” is a term used in the legal profession–I’ve only ever heard it used in music.

    2. irene adler*

      Oh man!

      Sort of work-related:

      I was a juror, serving on a child molestation case. Everybody was very serious – as they should be- about this.
      After deliberations, we jurors somberly filed back into the court room. As the proceedings commenced, we knew what was coming up- the reading of the verdict. Things very tense.

      So – what happens?

      I develop a tickle in my throat and cannot stop coughing.

      Tried to squelch things- just couldn’t. The judge couldn’t help but notice- oh, hell, EVERYBODY noticed. No nasty glares, but geez, why now? So mortifying.

      Bailiff went to the defendants table, poured a cup of water out and brought it to me. No help.

      They get to the verdict -guilty. Defendant turns grey in the face (never seen that happen before).

      We are dismissed. I scrammed as fast as I could. Tickle gone.

  205. Anonforshame*

    I worked in an office job at a manufacturing facility that required jeans to be worn for safety reasons. I had just come back from maternity leave, and my size was changing still, so I only had a couple of pairs of jeans that fit me and it didn’t make sense to buy more. Also, I was an exhausted new parent. So I washed my jeans on the weekends only, and wore one pair of jeans for 3 days and the other for 2 to get me through the week. That was my life.

    One day I removed my jeans by stepping out of them, and unbeknownst to me, my underpants nestled themselves into one of the legs. I donned the same pair of bootcut jeans the next morning without noticing the pair of panties tucked in the leg (see above re: exhaustion). They finally fell out in the middle of the morning, squarely in the middle of the high traffic office space I shared with three other people. I was NOT the first person to notice them – our very loud-voiced supervisor spotted them and loudly wondered whose panties were on the floor. They weren’t the most unsightly underwear I’ve ever owned, but they were decidedly of the granny variety and they were not new. I scooped them up, red-faced, and thrust them into my purse, took a minor amount of well-intentioned teasing about it, and then everyone developed amnesia and it hasn’t come up again.

    1. Mimi Me*

      OMG! I can’t breathe from laughing at this. This is the best story. I lived in an apartment building when I gave birth to my daughter. The exhaustion was a real thing. My mom came to visit and I opened the door for her wearing nothing but a bra and a pair of shorts. My across the hall neighbor got an eyeful as he was coming out as I was letting mom in. I totally forgot I wasn’t wearing a shirt. My mom put me down for a nap while she cared for my daughter. LOL!

  206. Bunny Girl*

    I had just started at my current job and I was walking to work on occasion. It was about a two mile trip and I would just bring a change of clothes in a backpack. To walk I would normally just wear gym shorts and a t-shirt. Well when I got to work one morning after walking, I went to go change and realized I hadn’t brought a pair of work pants. I emailed my boss and told her the situation, and luckily she thought it was hilarious, but I had to work for the rest of the day in a nice button up and cardigan up top and basketball shorts down below. Real cool. I didn’t leave my desk a lot that day.

  207. Normally a Lurker*

    Some background, I work at a conservative financial firm. Business dress. Also, I am a former ballerina – though I haven’t done ballet in… 20 years?

    Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, in our fancy office, I slipped getting onto the escalator in a stretch pencil skirt. Luckily, I managed to catch the railing of the escalator, and somehow just randomly did my first back attitude arabesque in… manymany years.

    So… that happened.

    I am very grateful I was also wearing tights and safety shorts. I am also grateful that the only person who saw me is an outside of work friend and the security guard.

  208. Poopetrator (don't read this one while eating)*

    I broke a toilet. And by broke I mean I took a huge dump and the toilet clogged and overflowed. I occasionally suffer from constipation and I’ve had some issues in the past, but never like this before. (Or since, thankfully.) It was… fragrant to say the least and i stank the entire bathroom, not just the stall. I was an intern and I had just started a few weeks ago and I didn’t know what to do. As I was leaving the bathroom I saw the regional director herself (a very elegant & collected woman) about to go in, and I had to tell her it would be best not to go in. I could see her face wrinkle as she smelled the… smell. Thankfully she said nothing and headed to a different bathroom on that floor. Then I asked a colleague I was friendly with, and she called maintenance, but they couldn’t come immediately so I put an “out of order” sign on the door. I was terribly embarrassed that everyone saw me put up the sign and they knew I was the poopetrator. I was afraid to use the toilet at work for a very long time.

  209. Go Bucks*

    I once spilled an entire 10 gallon cooler of water all over the floor in front of the head coaches of several Big Ten universities. I have also spilled a cooler of Gatorade, which was way more of a pain to clean up, but less embarrassing because there were fewer witnesses.

  210. Ella Vader*

    Let’s see:

    1. Crapped my pants at work, blamed my period to the firm administrator, and went home to change. This has happened twice.

    2. Threw up on myself and the floor. My coworker kept going on and on about being nauseous, and I felt fine right up until the moment I hurled. I heard one of the attorneys say, “I want to help but no way am I putting my hand in that.”

    3. I accidentally SBD’d my boss’s office door. He kept talking, and I couldn’t hold it another second.

    As far as I can recall, that’s the worst of it.

  211. Safsaf*

    It was winter and I was wearing a silky type dress, tights and a wool coat. I was running late so I rushed in to work and my boss and I shared an office and I took off my jacket and he said “umm did you forget your pants today?” I looked down and realized the friction had cause my dress to ride all the way up to my waist, he saw my granny panties under my semi-sheer tights. I pulled my dress down hastily and ran to the bathroom trying to decide if I should run away and never come back. Thankfully he was a very nice boss and didnt make it any more awkward than it already was and now I laugh about it. My advice is never to wear silky/satiny material with wool EVER.

  212. But you don't have an accent...*

    I spilled an entire cup of coffee (16 oz) on myself. At work. 3 minutes before a 3 hour conference call. I went from burning hot to freezing cold without the benefit of the caffeine I desperately needed. At least I was wearing dark pants so you couldn’t see it – but that was also the day I choose to use several table spoons of pumpkin spice creamer so I smelled like fall until lunch when I went home to change.

  213. Buggy Crispino*

    Mine really only embarrassed me in my head but it did stick with me and I think about it every 90 days when our network prompts me to change my password.

    Years ago I had been working on a group project with about a dozen of us from Company A and another dozen from Company B. I was totally crushing on this one guy from the other company and I was so discreetly pairing myself with him in breakout sessions and always managing to grab the seat next to him, etc. Later, when my password was up for renewal, I made my new password his name with a little heart symbol (like BobSmith<3 ) … met all the criteria, some uppercase, some lowercase, number, special character, etc.

    About 2 weeks later in another breakout session with this dude, my boss, and 2 or 3 other people, we needed computer access so my boss grabbed the closest laptop and said “we’ll use this one – hey Buggy, it’s yours. What’s your password?” At that time our security was super lax and he expected me to just call out my password as he typed. I completely panicked and could only fall back on saying I had just changed it, then blurted out a few bogus passwords until he got tired of me “not remembering” my password and he finally grabbed a different computer. I changed my password that afternoon and never used anything potentially embarrassing again.

    1. Absurda*

      We have to change our passwords all the time and it’s hard to come up with something new. I was using my cat as my password muse until one time I needed help from IT and had to tell them my password was FuzzButt.

  214. Moose*

    I was walking down the hallway and taking a sip from my water bottle. The company VP turned the corner and said hello. I smiled politely back without thinking…and the water all ran out of my mouth and down my front. Basically this scene from Harry Potter: https://giphy.com/gifs/harry-potter-drinking-spit-5uo7JY7p7rpPa

    Before I had time to react we’d passed each other and I scurried around the corner as quickly as possible. Neither of us ever mentioned it.

    This is not my only drink-related mishap, sadly. Another time I was late to a meeting, and ran in holding my coffee mug. When I opened the door, everyone naturally turned toward the noise to see who was coming in. So everyone in the very full conference room was looking straight at me when I dropped the very full coffee mug, spilling it all over myself, my laptop, the floor, etc. This created a scramble while my well-meaning coworkers rushed to get paper towels, asked if I had burnt myself, etc. Eventually we started the meeting again after the ten minute delay I’d created.

    The VP was in that meeting as well. He must think I have a very hard time with beverages.

  215. Kate*

    I made some bad decisions one day as an intern at a small event marketing company. (By “small,” I mean it was made up of the guy who owned the website and a group of unpaid interns.) I was living with my parents after college and anxious about expressway driving, both of which I felt ashamed of. So when I went to a beer festival and man a booth for the company, I was determined not to admit that my dad had driven me there. When asked, I said that I’d driven to the train station and taken the train. How could that lie possibly be found out?

    Well, over the course of hours in the summer weather, I started suffering from heat exhaustion and a terrible headache. My boss insisted on driving me back to the station. While we stopped at a drug store for Advil, I frantically texted my parents to bring the car to the station — but it was too late.

    So my boss and I arrived at the parking garage, and I *pretended I was too sick to remember where I parked*. Note: I had not drunk any beer at the festival, but my boss must have been doubting that by this point. Eventually he drove past a car that was the same make and model as my dad’s, so I got out, stood beside it until he’d driven past, and then — naturally — crouched in front of the car to hide.

    I don’t know if he saw. If he did, he never mentioned it. Eventually my dad arrived, I threw up in a parking garage trash can, one of the worst hours of my life was over, and I learned my lesson about lying.

  216. Hayden*

    First day of work at a new job- pants ripped right in the crotch. I was wearing rainbow boxers.

  217. Danielle*

    Last week, I realized about halfway through the day that I was wearing two different shoes. They were both black flats, so it wasn’t super noticeable. No one commented on it, so I can only hope no one realized.

    1. I edit everything*

      A friend of mine just posted on Facebook about having done this a few years ago.

    2. Pilcrow*

      I did the same thing! Had 2 very similar pairs of shoes, both black, same wedge heel style, same heel height. Didn’t notice until I looked closely (the tops were a little different). Didn’t call anyone’s attention to it, either.

    3. Rob aka Mediancat*

      I did that a couple of months back on a casual day: One gray sneaker and one black. If anyone noticed, they were too polite to tell me so.

  218. Talking Teapot*

    Not my fault, but I disclosed a medical condition to my then boss. During a meeting, one of the doctors (I work in health care) mentioned that he couldn’t find me earlier for something or other, and she boomed loudly “Oh yes. She was probably in the bathroom. Talking Teapot is always in the bathroom because she has X condition”.
    In. Front. Of. Everyone.

    Fortunately this person retired. She traumatized me enough to put me off on this job permanently (for a lot of reasons) and I will hopefully be somewhere else soon.

  219. Translator*

    I was a newly-graduated novice translator, assigned to translate a scientific paper about the risk of HIV transmission via different sex acts.

    And one of the sex acts I didn’t know the technical term for, and our medical terminology resources at the time didn’t include the technical names of sex acts.

    I did know a slang term, and I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to admit to knowing such a thing.

    My reviser, who would normally be my go-to person when I’m stuck on how to research a term, was male, and older than my father. (Whereas I was a shy, awkward, 21-year-old woman.) So no way could I face having this conversation with him!

    So I kept trying to google my way to the answer without getting too crude in my keywords, occasionally hitting the firewall intended to block people from looking at porn on the corporate network…and finally I figure it out! And, from what I figured out, I was able to extrapolate that the technical terms for other sex acts should be phrased differently than I’d originally expected, thereby saving me another embarrassing conversation with my reviser! Success!

    Until a week later, when my supervisor calls me into his office because he received a report from IT about the content of my internet searches. (I didn’t get in trouble and he was perfectly understanding once he saw what I’d been working on, but I’d never felt more awkward in my life!)

    The term that caused me all this trouble: “insertive oral-anal contact”.

  220. Figgie*

    Many years ago, I was giving a talk at a local university. I had dressed up and was wearing pantyhose. About 5 minutes into my 30 minute talk, the band on the top of the pantyhose died and as I stood there at the podium, my pantyhose started sliding down my legs, with the waist band ending up around my knees.

    While I was at the podium, no one could tell what had happened and I’m pretty sure my talk was incredibly bad because all I could think about was what was I going to do at the end of the talk. I finished, answered a few questions and continued standing at the podium while the group shuffled out. Finally the room was emptied, so I stepped out from behind the podium and reached down to try and remove the pantyhose that were at half mast. I took them off, looked up and saw the department chair (who had invited me to give the talk) standing there waiting.

    I stood in shock with the pantyhose hanging from my hand and then thought what the hell…nothing worse can happen. So I stuffed them into my briefcase, put my shoes back on and walked over to the department chair. Who thankfully ignored the entire incident and as far as I know, told no one. I am so grateful that pantyhose are no longer worn except in the most formal work environments.

  221. MuseumChick*

    I was interviewing for a job. My two interviewer took me on a tour around the building as we talked. As we were heading down some stairs I was focused on answering a question, missed a step and fell forward luckily preventing my face from smashing on the floor by catching myself on my arms. I was mortified. But I got the job!

  222. LesMizBall*

    Working as a theater house manager, an elderly visually impaired woman needed help to her seat and all the ushers were busy so I stepped in, had her hold my arm and guided her to her seat. Oops, wrong seat on wrong side of the theater. I apologized and she laughed so we make our way to the other side of the theater. Oops, I was right the first time. I had never ushered, I didn’t know which side was odd seats and which were even and I second-guessed myself so badly I ended up guiding this blind woman to three sets of different seats before finding the right one. She was laughing through the whole thing but her very large imposing son looked like he was going to punch me. Mortifying.

    Second one: having a set of brothers in management and emailing the wrong one – been working there for years at the time. Hid under my desk after that one.

  223. Artemesia*

    I was working on the weekend and the building was pretty empty and I arrived and discovered I had no key. There was a wide window open on the first floor and so I just went in the window, sitting on the sill and swinging my legs into the building, and went to my office. About half an hour later, an officer comes to my door as he canvased the building to ask if I had seen an intruder as they had a report of someone breaking into the building. For a second I thought of just bare facing it, but then told him that alas, I was the miscreant he was looking for and had forgotten my keys. Embarrassing since it appeared in the police report (but no name mentioned) but I couldn’t let it go on without fessing up.

  224. I edit everything*

    I have two, and both happened at the same job.

    It was a crazy quiet office, most people in cubicles with decent walls, higher-ups in offices around the perimeter. Quieter than a library. And I’m the quietest one on the floor; my boss and I were a department of two, and didn’t associate much with other departments. So, I’m sitting in my cube, minding my own business, and suddenly, SPLAT! Sopping wet acoustic ceiling stuff lands smack dab on the top of my head. I shrieked. As you do. I think the whole floor must have heard me. Heads pop up. People come running. I was soaking wet and sooo itchy from disintegrated ceiling. HR gets involved, the office manager, grand boss… And I had to vacate my cube for a short while while facilities fixed the leaky pipe that caused the problem in the first place. I did get to go home early, and the company paid to dry clean the sweater I was wearing. But that was not my preferred way to gain recognition around the office. “Did someone just scream?” is burned into my memory.

    Second one: my grand boss at that job was a genuinely good guy, but also a little intimidating because he was brilliant and not a little bit good looking (if you’re into the tall, blond, Scandinavian type). Often quoted in widely read industry publications and the MSM. I was riding down in the elevator with him once, on our way out of the building. He said something, and a pun flew out of my mouth before I even thought about it. It’s automatic sometimes. His response: “Bold move, going for the obvious joke.” I was absolutely mortified.

      1. I edit everything*

        It was a pretty effective putdown. I don’t know if he meant it that way, but I don’t think I opened my mouth in front of him again. Maybe it would go over differently between friends than it did between a phenomenally accomplished CEO and an associate with serious imposter syndrome.

        1. Sam Sepiol*

          Yeah it would be ok between friends but it sounds like a mean thing to say. Definitely punching down.

  225. Keyboard Cowboy*

    When I was in college I did a coop (my first one – first professional experience) at a well-known, failing cellphone company. I bought one of their phones because I liked the keyboard and got employee discount, and was setting it up while I was at work; but I found out my previous unlimited data plan wouldn’t work with the new phone and I would need to upgrade to a more expensive data plan specific to that phone brand. I was annoyed and started swearing very loudly (I was comfortable with my team and this tended to be the nature of the rapport), then said something along the lines of “No wonder Company is going out of business!!!!” …right as the department director came out of his office to see what was the hubbub. Eeeeeeeeeek. His face was not happy.

  226. H.C.*

    Back when I was starting out, I got skunk sprayed but thought I could duck out in my office for the day (no option to work from home back then & commuting just to change would’ve taken over an hour). Cue the receptionist calling in sick & being at the bottom of the office totem pole, I had to cover the front desk.

    No one appreciated that kind of misery walking in & out of the office, and come lunchtime Senior VP couldn’t take it anymore and sent me home (paid) for the rest of the day.

  227. Spreadsheets and Books*

    A few months ago, I had an unexplained incident in the bathroom at work in which I passed out and fell under the divider and INTO THE STALL of the woman next to me, who was innocently doing her business until I came sliding in. I came to to EMS standing over me and everyone in the office crowded around outside the doors to the bathroom to watch me stretchered out. A lot of “are you okay to go to the bathroom alone… do you need a buddy?” jokes followed.

  228. Beth*

    The bad story: I was temping in a cubicle farm, and the guy I’d been dating decided to call me at work and have a long, ugly, aggrieved conversation that was almost, but not quite, a breakup. I was so gobsmacked by the call (nothing remotely similar had ever happened to me) that I didn’t have the sense to cut him off and hang up. The conversation included angry back-and-forths about our sex life.

    A while after the call FINALLY ended, a friendly woman in an adjacent cubicle told me that there were phones in the conference rooms, and I could use an unoccupied one of those if I needed to take a private call. I died, of course. Thank heavens it was a temp position.

    The good story: in my current job, many of our clients are on freindly or very friendly terms with the staff — it’s not unusual to get asked about your family or your weekend plans, and laughter and light jokes are common. I had been having a pleasant phone call with one of our clients, and the call had moved from the official client-services reason, which had been nicely resolved to everyone’s satisfaction, to general chatting.

    I had been talking to this client about something my wife and I were planning, and when I got ready to ring off, I cheerfuly told the client “Love you!”, because my brain and mouth had decided I was actually on the phone with my wife. I heard what I was saying, and spluttered and explained and apologized, and the client laughed and said that if I ended every spousal phone call that way, it was a good sign for my relationship. I could still hear the client chuckling as we rang off.

  229. Aiani*

    I was working as a security officer in a corporate building and sometimes we had to do inspections of employee’s bags/boxes as they would enter and exit the building. A guy came up to the desk and opened his gym bag to show me the contents and pulled out of the bag a rather large silver dildo and kind of held it up in the air. He said the bag belonged to his girlfriend and she had left it in there. I said hey whatever, can you just put that away now. Of course my boss was standing there at the time as well which just made me even more embarrassed.

  230. Anonforthis*

    I once left the ladies’ restroom with the back of my skirt tucked into my pantyhose, so my bare bottom was out there for all to see. I walked around for a half-hour before someone finally took me aside and told me. That was pretty terrible.

  231. spaceygrl*

    When I was in college, I was interning for a financial services firm. My boss was sitting in my cube with me explaining a report. Some of the companies listed had asterisks next to their names and I asked what that meant. He said they were in a special program and got extra points for something. I said, “oh, like the mile high club?” The intern in the cubicle next to me and his boss both stood up to look at me and laughed. My boss laughed and walked away. I meant frequent flyer program.

    1. spaceygrl*

      I meant to explain that no one would tell me why what I had said was funny! I had to find the intern later and ask him.

      1. Turtlewings*

        I was definitely older than I should have been before I figured out what the mile-high club was. I can totally see myself doing this!

  232. just a thought*

    My first job after college was a super small company and had a lot of recent grads. My second week, we went to a happy hour, and I didn’t eat and had a lot of cheap drinks. I ended up running out of the bar to throw up in a trash can on the street…in front of all my new coworkers. *cringe*
    The next day everyone kept asking me “are you okay? but really, are you okay?”

  233. Former Bartender*

    I was bartending on a busy night in a chain restaurant and went to grab a bottle of red wine off the top shelf. Except my hands were wet and it slipped out of my hand, hit me on the head and then smashed on the space under the actual bar – red wine and glass everywhere! In the ice, in the ice cream, ALL over my tan pants. I was mortified because the whole restaurant could see me and I had probably 12 people sitting at the bar. Thankfully no one except me was injured and mine was just a bonk on the head and my pride. I did go into the back and cry while my managers cleaned up. And a regular customer offered to take my pants and clean them for me, which she did and did an amazing job. It took a long time to live that one down.

  234. Ketchikan9*

    Age 22, working for Fortune 10 company. Wrote the company newsletter. On that day the first-page announcement was about a blood drive. I was to type “Please come give at your scheduled time.” but my brain malfunctioned and I typed “Please give come at your scheduled time.”

    I died a thousand deaths that day. I thank God this happened before the internet and email. It became legend. Five years later, the print shop guys were telling me about the time someone wrote “please …” on the cover of the newsletter. No one even remembered it was me.

      1. Ms Ida*

        Can you imagine the letter? My office is organizing a donation drive and keep pressuring me to participate.

    5. JustaTech*

      Our Health and Safety officer sent out a building-wide e-mail with the minutes from the (usually dull) safety meeting. There was a section on a request for new coat hooks. Except something had gone terribly wrong and every instance of “coat” was replaced by a four-letter word for male chicken starting “co”.

      I opened the email as soon as it arrived, saw that, turned bright red and ran to the Health and Safety person to get the email recalled. A fresh email was sent out and nothing was said (aside from a few of us giggling).

  235. drop table chairs*

    In my boss’s office, going over some code together, I stood up and leaned across her desk to get a closer look at her monitor. Afterwards, I stepped back to sit back down in the chair – not realizing that the chair had wheels, the floor was laminate, and the chair had rolled a few inches away from the desk when I stood up from it. Fell down on the floor instead of sitting down in the chair.

  236. Square Root Of Minus One*

    Two years ago, I had a team 10 am meeting on a Thursday morning AND was trying to manage a HUGE migraine with painkillers.
    My memory of the meeting is very foggy, but about an hour and a half in, it appears I tried to say something and, somehow… my words got messed up. For the life of me, I couldn’t get the word I was thinking about out of my mouth, but was uttering a random one instead.
    To this day I still don’t know whatever the **** I’ve said. Never dared to ask any of the 5 other people here.
    Excused myself, went home, and even missed the clock the next morning for good measure.

  237. queenbeemimi*

    I hit the silent panic button and summoned a SWAT team to my workplace. In my second week.

  238. Still Mortified After All These Years*

    So I was on the phone, trying to get a non-tech-savvy co-worker whose computer was frozen to stop trying Ctrl-Alt-Delete and use the real on/off switch on the tower. And it went something like this: “No, you can’t do it from the the screen, use the real on/off switch. No, not turning off the screen, the hardware on/off switch, the one actually on the computer under your desk. The hard *n.”

    Only to look up and see my cubicle-mates grinning at me. (I am literally blushing as I type.)

  239. MimiO*

    Background: About 15 years ago, I was the chief of staff for a high-level federal government executive. We were in the middle of an international trade dispute which meant urgent meetings with other high-level folks and late afternoon / early evening conference calls with our embassies.

    One of those conference calls was scheduled for 6:00pm or so on a day that my boss was schedule to attend some kind of fancy event with his wife. Before going into the call, he asked me to let him know when his wife had arrived to pick him up. Fast forward 30 minutes and Mrs. Government Executive arrives. My boss always sat at the head of the boardroom table which was situated right next to the boardroom door. I opened the door, leaned in to whisper to him that his wife has arrived. None of the 8 or so people in attendance looked up as they were focussed on the speaker phone and on taking notes. Unbeknowst to me, as I leaned in, the door knob of the boardroom door slipped between two buttons of my loose fitting silk blouse. As I stood up to leave, I felt tugging on my chest, followed by the sound of ripping silk (sounds just like ripping paper BTW) and time slowed to a crawl as my two buttons went flying in the air. One of our most straight-laced senior executives happened to look up just in time to get an eyeful of my chest (wearing a bra obvsly).

    He seems to have been the only one who realized what happened and was too much of a gentlemen to ever bring it up. I ended up having to staple my blouse shut before going home.

  240. anon for this*

    While I was at work, I got an email from my doctor informing me that I have herpes.

    I was already pretty stressed out about the whole situation, because the symptoms were quite painful and the person I was dating at the time was being a real jerk to me about it.

    I went to the bathroom to have a good cry. My boss heard me sobbing in the stall and asked if I was ok. I realized being this upset at work was Not A Good Look and told her I was going to take the rest of the day off. I pulled myself together, and emailed her and the rest of the team to let them know I would be ooo. For some reason I felt obligated to provide a reason, so I said “I just got some bad news about my health.”

    The following day after I got back to work, the rest of my team treated me very gingerly, like I might have cancer or something. They were clearly curious about what was wrong, but no way in hell was I going to give them the details! My boss asked me if I needed more time off for medical treatments, etc. I told her I’d be fine and did my best to change the subject. Eventually people forgot about it and moved on, but I learned an important lesson about not needing to provide justification for taking time off.

  241. Dweali*

    Was new to my last job and the director ended up getting on the elevator I was on. One of us yawns (sorry can’t remember it’s been 6 or 7 years) and she remarks about how at least it’s almost the end of the day. My socially awkward self blurts out “sometimes my cat jumps on me at night and it wakes me up”

    The last 2 floors were ridden in silence and I high tailed it back to my office.

    1. CheeryO*

      Aw, I would love if someone said that to me on an elevator, even if it were a total non sequitur! That’s a very endearing embarrassing moment. :)

  242. Mark Brendanaquits*

    I work in local government across the parking lot from the Fire Department. Much to my horror, I got a really bad case of vertigo earlier this year and I thought I was having a heart attack (I’m 27, I definitely wasn’t). My coworker called over to the fire department secretary and she said to call 911 to have the guys properly dispatched. Fire department ends up treking across the parking lot with a gurney. I end up taking the ambulance to the ER on advice from the Battalion Chief. They had to hook me up to a heart monitor in the ambulance. I’m looking forward to the Christmas party where I will get to see the co-worker who got to second base with me (I’m a female)! They had to wheel me out through the front doors in front of all the residents and my coworkers. Probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me, in and out of the workplace.

  243. AngryBees*

    Angry bees flew up my skirt at a company-wide picnic. At the first stings, I yelped and flew to my feet. As 80 people stared in astonishment, I yanked my long, voluminous, circa-1990s skirt up over my waist, flapping it up and down while yelping and whirling like a dervish as the insects set my nether-regions on fire. A female coworker/friend helped me to the park restroom, where I disrobed and shook out my skirt in private. Thankfully, I am not allergic, and the pain from the stings subsided far more quickly than my embarrassment.

  244. patricia*

    I’m positive I’ve posted about this before here but: I fell off my (too-tall) heels and into a busy DC street in front of a client. My head hit the pavement and my upper body fell into the street. I’m not entirely sure what happened with my skirt but I deeply fear it went around my waist, exposing my shapewear. I immediately scrambled to my feet, slightly dizzy but desperate to get my body out of the street and- more importantly- my nethers covered. It’s been years and that same client just referenced this to me LAST WEEK and reminds me to not wear high heels on a regular basis. It will never die.

  245. Turtlewings*

    Disastrous job interview: First, I got lost trying to find the place and was over an hour late. They were kind enough to let me sit in the waiting room for a while to see if they could work me in. Only after closing time came and I had to give up and leave did I realize that somehow, SOME FREAKING HOW, the side seam of my sweater had completely split. Open to the breeze from the armpit to the hem. I was staggeringly relieved that they hadn’t made time to see me — they’d have seen a lot more of me than they wanted!

  246. DCGirl*

    In college, I worked as a bank teller in the evenings for the drive-in window. I was the only employee during those hours. Somehow, as I was closing things for the evening, I triggered the silent alarm and exited the building to find a sizable police presence.

  247. Zephy*

    I used to work at an animal shelter. Once, I finished showing a dog to a prospective adopter and went to put her back in her kennel. The dog kept trying to squeeze out of the kennel with me, and of course all this commotion got the dogs on either side of her riled up, which got the dogs on either side of them riled up…within seconds, all 60 or so large dogs in this room are barking their adorable blocky heads off, and I’m stuck in a kennel with one of them who is bound and determined to get back out, with or without me. She knows how the door works and is trying to push it open with her snout. I’m holding it closed and screaming over the dogs barking into my radio (read: cell phone with PTT) for somebody, please to come help. Oh, and it’s a concrete building with a metal roof, so reception is poor under the best circumstances. Eventually, my department lead and the lead kennel tech come by to save me, thinking I was hurt and something terrible happened. Nope, just trapped with an excited pupper.

    1. Two Dog Night*

      Yeah, I volunteer at the local Humane Society, and it’s amazing how much trouble dogs can get you into. :-) We had two four-month-old puppies slip out of their kennel last night. Luckily they were in the closest kennel to the office, so they went straight in there, and it was kind of fun having an excuse to round them up and snuggle them for a few minutes.

  248. I Herd the Cats*

    I went back to work when I was still nursing my daughter occasionally. I lived really close to the office so my plan was to go home at lunch and then after work (she got a bottle in between.)

    I was meeting with my new boss, a man probably ten years senior to me. At some point while we were discussing my duties, I felt my milk let down. Fortunately, I was wearing a nursing bra with absorbent padding. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough, because when I looked down at the end of my meeting there were two huge circular wet spots on the front of my blouse, right where you’d expect them. I said “oh my god,” and buried my face in my hands.

    Fortunately he was a dad and a really nice guy, although I didn’t know that at the time. Months later we had a laugh about it.

  249. University Minion*

    When I worked in retail, I had a customer ask for a toilet plunger. I picked one off the shelf and handed it to him, only to discover that IT HAD BEEN USED. Some knucklehead had cleared a toilet in the store and put it back on the shelf. The customer was horrified, I was horrified and my bosses couldn’t even contain their laughter when I told them about it, nearly in tears, afterwards.

  250. Ninja78606*

    Years ago i went to a seminar to show all of the special products, baskets and gift sets that would be hitting our stores for the holiday season. I had bought a white with teal trim sweater and skirt set to wear for the meeting, and as I was up at the front of room looking through the items, I noticed people kept looking at me. Of course foolishly I thought, wow I must really look good. Then someone came to me and said I might want to visit the rest room. Seems when I put my clothes I was planning to wear the next draped over a chair in my bedroom, my cat thought that it would be a better place to do his business as opposed to his litter box. I had a huge yellow stain on the back of the skirt. I leave for work while its still dark so i didnt see it, and as it was a cosmetic/fragrance seminar, all those perfume smells masked the scent. I was mortified.

  251. JLaw*

    I was a file clerk at a law firm during college and I was in a long-distance relationship. I wrote my boyfriend a love letter (on paper) at work and intended to mail it later, but it got mixed in with some papers I was filing and it ended up in a file. A few days later, the head partner of the firm called me into his office. This was a first, and I was terrified and confused. He had the letter — some jerk lawyer had found it and turned it into him — and he admonished me for writing an “intimate missive” at work. For all he knew, I could have written it during a break, but I couldn’t even defend myself because I was so humiliated and shocked. I still think about this. Why did the person who found it decide to escalate it like that? And why did the partner make such a big deal out of it?

  252. blink14*

    I was recently prescribed Levaquin by my PCP, and felt SO weird on it. I stuck out the 5 days and vowed never again. A few weeks later, I had an appointment my allergist, and she was horrified that A) I had been prescribed Levaquin and B) that it’s still sold, she thought it had been out of circulation for at least 5 years.

      1. LizA*

        This was supposed to be a reply to a comment above, about a guy who used it and had a psychotic break!

  253. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

    In my first real job at a law firm I was volunteered to interpret for a visiting member of the Supreme Soviet on the strength of my undergrad major in Russian (yeah it was a while ago). I let the associate who set it up know this was waaay out of my league and that they needed a real interpreter, and he was like Oh you’ll do fine!

    So the very first meeting, it’s me, the Deputy Director of the Supreme Soviet, and some of the managing partners at my firm. Every single thing they asked me to interpret was idiomatic (“Is it in the ballpark,” “what’s the bottom line,” etc.). I couldn’t do it AT ALL. So I flailed around, beet red and mortified, for about an hour until I was dismissed.

    The next day they hired an interpreter.

  254. Collette*

    Because I like to do things thoroughly if I’m going to do them at all, I offer this moment from my first professional job. An improperly affixed sanitary napkin in a pair of underwear that was slightly the wrong size fell out of the leg of my very baggy shorts and landed on the carpet in the hallway as I was walking. 30 years later, it’s still the most cringe-worthy moment of a long life full of noteworthy and inappropriate moments.

  255. Smiling*

    In college I worked at a church on nights and weekends, answering phones and greeting parishioners. One night there was a very big “to do”, and right before the event some sort of emergency happened. I was running around looking for a particular priest to get help with the problem. In my haste, I came within inches of running straight into the archbishop.

    I smiled and apologized profusely. He gave me a very strange look and then kept going. I’m still glad I wasn’t running any faster or I would have knocked the man down.

  256. Eleanor Shellstrop*

    This isn’t TOO terrible, but just happened this week. Our company has offices all over the world, and everyone shares the same instant messaging system. I (most junior employee in the office) was trying to open a chat with a coworker, and accidentally ended up created a group chat with her and some random executive in our office in Poland. Luckily, I think it was after working hours there, so hopefully she didn’t see, but still yikes!

    I’ve also spilled water on my great-great grandboss, and walked in on her in the bathroom. Luckily she has a good sense of humor.

  257. Mouse Princess*

    My first week of work I has a headache and mistook my Unisom (OTC sleep aid) which I take when I travel for work for Advil. I took 2 and immediately felt like I was going to slip into a deep sleep at my desk. If that weren’t bad enough, I realized that I had also given these “advil” to my boss when her child was in our office sick and complaining of an earache. It was the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me in my life.

  258. Violent Femme*

    One just happened today. It’s windy out. At some point on my way to work the wind whipped my skirt, which got caught in my tights. I did not notice. I walked through the office, sat down at my desk. Went to the kitchen to heat up my oatmeal and my lovely coworker stood right behind me and said my skirt was “up”. I literally have no idea who saw or didn’t.

    I’m embarrassed. Probably will be more embarrassed tomorrow. But, there’s so much going on at work and home, I just decided I would own the fact that several folks I have to work with have now seen my lycra-covered tush.

  259. Celia*

    A few months ago, right after speaking with a very aggressive client over the phone, I debriefed with my boss. We talked about it for about 10 minutes and I relayed what had happened. I kept my composure really well, right up until the conversation was reaching an endpoint and my boss said “by the way, are you ok?” Cue me stuttering for a moment, and then… tears. I know it was her being nice, but man if she hadn’t asked I would’ve gotten away scot free

  260. Wolf_Pack_Party*

    This wasn’t me but it happened to the Marketing Director at my office several years ago. A little background we worked for a company that hired therapists for school districts across the US.

    So Marketing Director sends out one of the email campaigns to all of us in the office and to all of our clients/potential clients. I can’t remember what was in the email because I couldn’t get past the subject line. It said “CoUNTDOWN TO SUMMER” except countdown was spelled without the “O”…

    Recalling the email didn’t work (does it ever??) and so we had several apology phone calls to make after we all finished laughing (in horror) that it had actually happened.

    1. DCGirl*

      I had a boss who would tell the story of sending a proposal to a government agency for a turnkey solution. On the cover, the N was left of out turnkey. His company at the time one the work, but the client presented him with a toy turkey at the kickoff meeting.

      Most proposal managers search on curse words before submitted. A missed letter in public leads many people astray.

    2. PurplePen*

      We once missed a typo in a caption of our magazine, so instead of our director giving someone a plaque, it read that he gave them a plague.

  261. Colleen*

    I had just gotten a year-long internship at a professional theatre doing fundraising. I was at an opening night for our second show of the season which was in our (new) black box theatre and had been seated in the very front row directly next to our biggest donor (for perspective, it was not unusual for him to walk into the theatre and write out a check for six figures). I decided I would introduce myself to him and let him know I was the fundraising intern so he may be seeing a lot of me in the next year or so. At the end of the show during the bows we all stood up to give a standing ovation. Unbeknownst to me, the seats (which were brand new) automatically flipped up when you stood, so (without looking) I went to sit down, and butt-planted myself on the floor next to Super Donor. I was mortified that he was going to think I was a drunk or something (I’d had a glass of wine at the top of the show). Thankfully, it never came up (and since I was a lowly intern I didn’t interact much with Super Donor anyway).

  262. EleanorGuineaPigby*

    A few years ago when I was working in state government I updated what I *thought* was my contact information for one of my program’s two federal grants, when in actuality I managed to add myself as the Director of Finance (never figured that one out – I wasn’t in that department) to EVERY federal contract for the entire state (hundreds and hundreds). My phone rang immediately and it was the real Director of Finance asking me “who are you, and what have you done.” I ran down to his office, introduced myself, apologized, and immediately burst into tears (another first for me – also totally embarrassing). He was very kind about it, we sat for two hours on the phone with the feds un-doing everything, and the next day he came up to my office to tell me he felt so awful about what happened that he went home and told his wife that he made me cry (not true). I was terrified to tell my boss what happened, but she was great: “I told you already that everything we do is fixable, nobody’s going to die!” She sent me home early with orders to have a glass of wine. I tell that story in interviews when asked about previous work mistakes, it’s always gotten a good response.

  263. Sandeeeeeeee*

    I once paid for a movie rental on Amazon with what I THOUGHT was my personal credit card, but nope! I’d accidentally clicked the wrong card on my Amazon account. I discovered the error when I was reconciling the company credit card statement. I sheepishly admitted my mistake to my boss, and he was cool about it. The movie the company had paid for me to watch? Magic Mike!! Yikes.

    1. TCO*

      I did a very similar thing with Amazon, only it was a few purchases before I noticed! Nothing I purchased was embarrassing, but it was an embarrassing thing to have to straighten out.

  264. GreenDoor*

    I’m female and used to work among a body of elected officials, one of whom was male and retired military and about 30 years oler than me. So, very proper and all about protocol and respect. I was in the narrow mail room with my back to the door and dropped something on the floor. Bent over at the waist to get it (I can touch the floor without bending my knees). Totally didn’t hear him coming up behind me. Just as my backside goes up into the air and I take a slight step backward, his arms were coming up to go into his mail box and my toosh landed right in his outstretched hands. I whipped around and this gravelly, tough as nails, uber-respectful man was beat red with embarassment. So was I. Anyone walking by might have taken that scene in totally the wrong way.

  265. Fabulous*

    I have several…

    I used to have quite the aversion to phones; I used to call it a phobia and thankfully it’s subsided as I’ve gotten older. At one of my first jobs, I had an intense anxiety attack when my supervisor asked me to assist with the reception desk. I literally started crying and hyperventilating as soon as she mentioned it. Needless to say, I did not stay in that job much longer!

    One morning I had woken up to a swollen lip to the point I looked nearly unrecognizable, I had gotten bit by something overnight and apparently had an allergic reaction or something. As it my first “real” job, I didn’t know I could call off for something like that since I was otherwise fine, so I went into work very embarrassed and looking a mess. My boss thankfully took one look at me and told me to go home. Ugh.

    At a different job concerning highly regulated information, I had just started and no one had trained me on what I could and couldn’t share over the phone, I just knew what I had access to. A client called in asking for their account number, which I should have just transferred to customer service, but I could see the number so I thought I would save her some time by helping – wrong thing to do! Client complained and threatened to take her account elsewhere because I failed to properly validate her identity.

    I used to share a desk with a notoriously messy coworker. Every time I came back to my desk after she’d use it (even if it was just for 20 minute coverage) everything would be moved, the wires under the desk would be jumbled, and something would go missing. Every time. Instead of just talking directly to her, I would take pictures of the mess and send them to our boss hoping he’d deal with it. I have intense hindsight embarrassment on this one after reading this site!

  266. Rob aka Mediancat*

    This one was the most embarrassing for me and a co-worker, for different reasons. About ten years ago I’d recently begin working at my current company when “Mary Jane,” one of my co-workers, came back from her lunch break —

    and drove right through the front of the building.

    She was okay. Everyone in the building was more or less okay (a few people were hit by flying glass). Her car was more or less okay.

    The building was not.

    People still bring this up to Mary Jane a decade later (yes, she still works here), and she takes it in good humor.

    How was this embarrassing for me?

    I was at the end of the aisle Mary Jane drove through — maybe thirty feet from where the vehicle plowed into the building.

    I only realized something was going on five minutes later when someone finally noticed I wasn’t evacuating along with everyone else on that side of the building. Nope, I was still there merrily processing away on my computer and listening to my CDs.

    So someone drove through a window, causing significant structural damage to the building —

    and I missed it entirely.

  267. Hamburke*

    I striped down to my underwear in the office.

    I have an undergrad degree in chemistry and thus worked in an environmental science lab after graduation. 3 weeks after I started, I was checking on one of my lab tasks – we were purifying solvent to be used again. This solvent is primarily used as paint remover but we used it to dissolve organic chemicals from water and soil samples. Anyway, it’s much heavier than water and is caustic. The distillation apparatus (large glass structure that pretty much is what you think of when you think “mad scientist lab bench”) was larger than I was used to. I immediately thought it was unsafe b/c the tube touched the top of the fume hood and there was no lifting mechanism to drop the lower flask safely but my predecessor assured me it was fine (here’s the lesson folks: trust your gut, just b/c they are older and have been doing this longer, doesn’t mean that they know better). So, I removed the used flask for cleaning, put on the new, now-full flask and was sliding the heating/stirring unit underneath and I broke the flask! 2 liters of methylene chloride spill everywhere! Including right down the front of me! My labcoat wasn’t buttoned b/c as the last available labcoat, it didn’t fit. The solvent poured out of the fume hood hitting my belly button down. my pants were soaked and it was pooling in my shoes. Where is the emergency shower? In the hallway, of course… I start taking off my shoes and clothes and calling the internal emergency number. I’m in the hallway in my underwear dumping 40 degree water on myself and trying to figure out how I’m going to get home since I don’t have any extra clothes with me…

    1. Hamburke*

      Forgot to add – the only thing that survived being doused was my wool sweater! My jeans turned to strings, my cotton socks had nothing left to them after being washed, the elastic in my (quite new VS) underwear was shot, my polyester undershirt was melted on contact, even my boots fell apart (the leather was fine but the thread to sew them together dissolved). I was fine – my legs were a bit red and dry for a few days but I was otherwise ok.

      To get first to the worker’s comp doc and then home, I borrowed a lady who I had never met before’s gym clothes and did not ask about their cleanliness…

    2. Close Bracket*

      Nooooooooo You have described my grad school nightmare. I worked in solid state physics–lots of solvents and stuff! The shower was in the lab on the other side of the building! We had multiple laboratory discussions about how in the case of a spill like that, the affected person should book it to the other lab and another person should race behind them with a spare lab coat to put on post shower. I always had spare clothing in my desk.

      1. Hamburke*

        It was my first job outside of college, I was broke and made next to nothing – and this happened even before I got my first paycheck there which was moot b/c I made more per hour as a temp receptionist… I had minimal clothing options appropriate for work at the time (thanks for the dress clothes grandma, I can’t wear anything synthetic) and didn’t consider that I could literally bring shorts and a tee shirt so that I could get home if needed (inexperience right there!). I was a lab TA while in school and did an undergrad research project and managed to ruin 3 pair of jeans in the lab the previous year.

    3. Tiny Soprano*

      Oh that’s gold.
      My one workplace stripping incident was less dramatic. Being a theatre person, I have no bodily dignity/shame at all (and I forget that in other places it’s inappropriate,) and a couple years back I was working as a receptionist when office flu shot season came around. We had a nurse come and give them at work, and because I’m extremely phobic, I waited until the end and mustered up my courage… only to find I couldn’t roll my sleeve up far enough. So without thinking I just took my shirt off, shocking the (fortunately female) head of IT who was getting her shot at the same time. Then I passed out.

  268. Susan*

    I had just started at a new job, and had a problem with one of my first assignments (a web registration process that worked inside of the building when I was testing it, but failed from outside). I was very stressed over this – and I am a very anxious person by nature. I was thinking about it that evening when I was out for dinner with my mom (who was visiting), and in thinking about it, realized I had left my office keycard inside the office. This was entirely unacceptable to my irrational mind, so we drove over to the office, where I tried to get in with the keypad. I was so new that I didn’t know the code, and in my frustration I turned around, back the door, and with arms outstretched vehemently said “f*ck f*ck F*CK”. Behind me I heard “uh…do you want to get in?”. I turn around – and it is my VP. I scurried in, got my card, and got out.

    I ended up working at the company for 5 1/2 years, so it was okay.

  269. Cedrus Libani*

    The robot had caught on fire. It was my job to fix it. So…I’m dangling upside down, while inside a large robot. I had long hair at the time, and it was flopping everywhere. I am covered in grease and soot. I’m engaged in loud and unprintable speculation regarding the sexual habits of said robot, its designers, and their mothers.

    Suddenly, my coworker hisses at me to shut up. The VCs are here! Crap. I fling myself upright, and find myself looking at my great-grandboss and a couple of suits. Um…hi. This situation is totally under control! The building does not reek of burned plastic. These are not the droids you are looking for. I am a grown-up automation engineer who knows exactly what she’s doing. (I was 21 and baby-faced.)

    The suits look at me, eyebrows raised. I become painfully aware that my hair is standing on end. I look like I’ve been chewing on the power cables. Like a total grown-up. Crap.

    I came in the next day with a pixie cut. Haven’t had long hair since.

  270. Egs*

    I have crohns and had surgery in Oct 17 where they removed part of my small intestine and part of my colon. The biggest issue I had was NO WARNING when I had to poop.

    It was early January. I was mostly healed but still needed to poop a lot. I was driving to work when the urge hit. I thought to myself “It’s been better lately” so I kept driving instead of stopping somewhere. I work downtown so from my parked car to desk is a good 10 mins.

    I literally shit my pants in the elevator on the 24th floor (I worked on the 25th).

    I ran into the bathroom and started to clean up best I could. Half way through, the owner of the firm came into the bathroom. I froze. She left pretty quickly and I finished up.

    Once I was cleaned up enough, I ran into the office to drop my stuff off and told our front desk girl I was going to target because of lady problems. I bought baby wipes, new pants and some underwear and changed in the bathroom and went back to work and hid the rest of the day.

    Awful awful awful.

  271. MSW in MA*

    I worked in an office with a shared common space for other businesses. This included a women’s restroom with a code lock (following an assault, so I was told). I got sick one day and couldn’t make it through the door code… so I threw up all over the community door.

  272. Rubyrose*

    Fell asleep during a first sales call with a potential client. 10:00 am. In my defense, I had filled in for our third shift operator unexpectedly. But still…

  273. LizB*

    I was out with a coworker asking local businesses to donate to our nonprofit’s silent auction. I stepped sideways to leave a store, somehow lost my balance, and just fell fully onto my butt out of the blue. Carpeted floor, good shoes, everything, I just ate it entirely of my own accord. No damage to anything except my pride, fortunately.

  274. Karyn*

    There are two.

    The first is the time my mom emailed my boss to remind him my birthday was coming up. I wanted to scream at her, but my boss was great about it and said he had already planned to take me to lunch.

    The second was, at the same job, the time I fell straight down on the floor after standing up from my desk. I’d taken my new migraine rescue med, which had a barbiturate in it, and I didn’t realize how hard it’d hit me until I went to stand up. I was there… and then I wasn’t there. My coworker, the other admin, made sure I was okay, and then cracked up laughing. My boss came running out of his office and offered to get me a drink since I was slightly shaken up. But instead of water… brought me a diet coke. Because, apparently, that’s all he had in his office.

  275. Potato Girl*

    I’d spent my lunch break chatting on the phone with my mother. When I got back to my desk, I had to make a client call, which I ended with, “I love– um, working with you!”

    Then there was the time when I was invited out to happy hour a couple of weeks after starting a new job. I’d just moved to high altitude a few months earlier and was only mostly acclimated. I also hadn’t drank alcohol since moving there. I’d heard that altitude makes booze more effective, but I’d been a heavy drinker at sea level and thought that counted for something. thatsnothowthisworks.gif I had to call in the next morning to say I’d be a couple of hours late. Luckily half the office was out with a hangover and the other half thought it was hilarious.

  276. Julia*

    When I was a lawyer, I was in a full courtroom and right when I had to step up in front of the judge, I got a LOUD, uncontrollable case of hiccups. The kind that make your whole upper body convulse a little bit. The entire courtroom was snickering, judge included.

  277. Seeking Second Childhood*

    From a long-deceased friend who would approve of this thread:
    He was a senior tech writer in a planning meeting with a senior engineer at a company that makes fire alarm panels and smoke detectors. A large house fly was driving them nuts — it wouldn’t sit still for the flyswatter. When it finally landed, it was right on a smoke detector. Writer looks at engineer and asks “We won’t set it off will we?” They discussed. They decided it wouldn’t set off the smoke detector.
    It set off the smoke detector.
    Building evacuations, fire department, scolding by upper management… it was years before they lived that one down. But they got the fly!

  278. Maranda*

    I have had many an embarrassing moment at work, but my most memorable moment occurred when I worked as a Program Assistant at a non-profit. A large part of my job involved calling potential clients. I had an office with a door that automatically locked due to keeping client files with sensitive information and I would always close my door when making these calls. Well, one day after I had made a few calls the HR director called my extension to ask if I was okay. Confused, I said yes and asked why she was asking. Apparently my phone had reset while I was in the middle of dialing a phone number that had 911 in in (think 555-555-9115) and I had inadvertently managed to call 911 without realizing it! Our phone system had a feature that sent an emergency alert to all phone lines in the building AND a cop showed up and I had to explain that I called accidentally.

  279. Chrysanthemum's The Word*

    At my last job I had to lead an online demo for a potential client. In the room with the client, several states away, was my company’s owner, VP and the owner’s kids who pretended to have high ranking roles in the company. In the room with me were the heads of all of our departments. We were connected via webcam and I was sharing the screen. These were projected onto the wall at both locations.

    During the system demo I accidentally mistyped the word ship as shi* and immediately, in slow motion, realized my error. I figured I would gracefully delete it and keep talking as though it never happened…but one of my colleagues reacted differently. She gasped SO LOUD that everyone heard at both locations and the entire conversation and my demo just stopped. Our VP at the other location immediately put her hand over her mouth so I knew they saw/heard. It was probably a half a second but it felt like forever.

    Afterwards everyone in the room with me laughed and joked about it but the people that were with the potential client NEVER said a word about it to me.

  280. Steph*

    I was 23 or 24, had just started my first grown-up job, working as a sales coordinator for a real estate developer at a new condo building that was under construction–this was maybe my 3rd day of work. We were getting ready to open our sales centre and the director of marketing had traveled over from the head office in the big city nearby to help us set up. We needed to buy some light fixtures, so he invited me to go for a walk to a couple of fancy furniture stores near our office to see if we could find something.

    As we’re walking down the street, this girl I didn’t recognize said “Hey, Steph!” The marketing director and I were both dressed fairly casually as we were expected to do some physical work that day and the office wasn’t open, which is to say that it wasn’t immediately obvious that I was working, she may have thought he was my partner, or something. I said “Hey, how’s it going?” while scouring my memory trying to figure out who she was and also how I would curb the interaction so we could move on with our work stuff. She’s like “good, it’s been awhile! We have to get together with Anna sometime and smoke some ganj, get fucked up!” and she does the smoking-a-joint hand motion with her fingers to her lips. I realized that she was very briefly roommates (like maybe for 3 months and mostly slept at her boyfriend’s house) with my best friend Anna, I didn’t recognize her because she wasn’t wearing makeup/had her hair pulled back when we ran into her but had always had a full face/hair done when I saw her before. We had in fact smoked weed together ONE time, and Anna was the manager of a local real estate office that was working with us so was a professional contact of the marketing director as well (I wasn’t sure if he knew we were friends at that point). I just kind of panicked and said “yeah, long time no see, you should totally give Anna a call!” and tried to make it obvious that we had to keep moving, but she goes “I totally will, we can get suuuuuper baked!” AND DOES THE SMOKING A JOINT MOTION AGAIN. I was EXTREMELY embarrassed, I barely even knew this girl, and never heard from her or saw her again after that. The marketing director didn’t say anything until a couple of hours later when he was kind enough to say “just so you know, I consider smoking weed akin to a glass of wine after work, it’s totally not a big deal.” So, lucky me that everyone was so chill about it, we laughed about it later once I knew him better, but I wanted to DIE.

  281. Girls Don't Poop*

    This just happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I got a craving for Mexican food over my lunch break, but as soon as I got back to work I could tell it did not agree with my stomach. Unfortunately I found an “Out of Order” sign tacked on the door of the ladies’ room. Luckily our bathrooms are just single stall so I just popped into the men’s room. It was…bad. I don’t have a problem with people pooping in the workplace, but I was pretty ashamed to leave that smell lingering.

    “Well that’s mildly embarrassing,” I thought, but no. Turns out the reason the ladies’ room was out of order was that a water main had burst across the street and the water department had turned off our water supply while they fixed it. I walked out of that bathroom in panicked because nothing could flush. Of course these bathrooms happen to be in full view of our work area so everyone knew exactly who walked out and left behind the smell. Fifteen minutes later we finally got the water back. It took about five flushes and several air freshener sprays to get the bathroom back to some semblance of normal. Now I’m afraid of pooping at work.

  282. addanchorpoint*

    A few months into my first job out of college at a large ad agency, I was in a big kickoff meeting with lots of senior stakeholders present (including the executive creative director of the agency). It was such a big meeting that there weren’t enough chairs, so the more junior people were sitting on the floor. The meeting ran over and I had a client call, so I got up to quietly leave the room. What I didn’t realize was that my entire right leg had gone numb from how I was sitting, so when I went to take a step after standing up, my leg gave out. I crashed into a small side table and knocked it down to the floor with me and my laptop & notebook (fortunately no water/coffee) in front of the entire team. It’s a hilarious story now, but at the time…

  283. Nicelutherangirl*

    I used to work as an administrative and communications assistant for a nonprofit that provided resources to activists who advocated for policy changes at the state legislature. Approximately every couple of months, I would attend press conferences, hearings, or other meetings with my co-workers, who were community organizers, at the state capitol.

    One late spring day, I wore a dress to work, and, beneath it, a pair of bikini panties with a waistband that had lost 99% of its elasticity. (Clearly, I needed to do some laundry.) My work day started at the capitol building, where an organizer and I attended a press conference about the passing of a new piece of legislation some of our advocates had supported. Those old panties hung in there through the press conference, though I became uncomfortably aware of how loose they were, and I ran out of luck – and the final 1% of elasticity – shortly after I left the building. There I was, on a busy weekday morning during the legislative session, surrounded by lobbyists, legislators, and state government employees, halfway down the capitol steps, with my underpants around my ankles.

    My co-workers had gone to their cars since we’d all driven separately, so I was, blessedly, on my own. I stood there for a couple of minutes trying to figure out what to do. I finally gritted my teeth and carefully stepped out of my shoes, untangled the underpants from them as discreetly as I could, given the location, and shoved them in my purse. No one around me indicated they’d noticed my undergarment malfunction, thank goodness.

  284. Peacemaker*

    Seated next to our retired but still very influential Mayor at an awards banquet at the end of the school year. Absentmindedly, as I often did, I was cracking my knuckles (I know, I shouldn’t do that, but wasn’t thinking). One wouldn’t crack, so I pulled on it to get better leverage. Suddenly, I lost my grip, my hand flew across the table, and knocked the Mayor’s water glass right into his lap!

    He was very gracious while I apologized profusely and tried to clean u[p the spill, but I’m sure he wondered why I was suddenly dumping a glass of water in his lap. I’m sitting along in my office right now, and can feel myself turning red with embarrassment, and it happened over a decade ago!

  285. Drewby*

    The most embarrassing thing to happen to me at work was having an unexpected emotional breakdown.

    I was working part-time in a store (along with my FT career). It was a Sunday morning and I was speaking with a friend of mine on my drive in. She said a mutual friend was in a coma following intensive and, what I believed to be, unnecessary surgery (three full and two partial organs removed since they were all cancer-ridden). After enduring an exhaustive 20 minute recap of all the crap going on with him. I went to my post, was asked by one of my co-workers how I was doing, and I fell to my knees crying because I was so taken over by the fact that my friend was not far from death and it didn’t really hit me until that moment.

    It was embarrassing because it should’ve been a “in-the-moment” event with exercised discretion among my colleagues. Instead, it turned into a train of follow-up conversations with colleagues (even those who weren’t present) and I was exhausted having to recant the same story over and over again.

    1. LPUK*

      I got a call that my Aunt had died while I was sitting at my desk in a large glass-walled Open-plan office of about 150 people. I started crying and was hunched against the glass panels in a vain attempt to find any privacy at all. Looking back now, I must have looked like a mouse in a laboratory maze, scuttling along a series of glass walls.

  286. Anon Meeting Scheduler*

    When I started my first office job I scheduled meetings with a 5-10 minute break in between- to allow for people to use the restroom, get coffee, and move from room to room. These were not all day meetings, just regular 30 minute to 1 hour meetings. For example, if I was scheduling a 10 AM, but saw some participants had a 9:00 AM, I would schedule my meeting from 10:10 Am to 11:00 AM. People were very confused. I still work with some of the same people and we laugh about it occasionally.

    2. Indigo a la mode*

      Including a “passing period” before your meeting is a great practice and my boss and I both do it too! People always appreciate it, since otherwise the first 5-10 minutes is people rushing in late and needing bathroom breaks/coffee anyway.

  287. Cookie Monster*

    I was 19, working my first retail job. I was also a broke college student and owned exactly one pair of pants that could be worn to work. One day, I took the pants off, washed then and then got up to wear them the next day, not noticing a pair of underwear had gotten stuck in the leg. A few hours into the work day, my coworkers were having a fit because some awful disgusting customer had left their underwear in the middle of the floor-I wandered over to the spectacle and saw, on the floor my just about new, good underwear. So, I stepped up and said I would deal with it since they were all freaked out. I grabbed a giant wad of paper towels and gingerly lifted up the offending item, holding it far away from my body, and announced I was just going to take it out back to the dumpster because was just so gross. I then went in the back room and hid it in eth very bottom of my bag, covered by other things and prayed that no one would do a thorough bag check at the end of the day and wonder why I had decided to take the underwear that a customer had left (no one checks, no one ever found out it was my underwear)

  288. JM*

    Only kind of embarrassing, but about 10 years ago some colleagues and I got together for lunch to welcome a new librarian to our staff. She was not my manager but was senior to my position (eventually, she did become my manager), and I had only talked to her a couple of times, but she seemed like a super cool lady and I was anxious to impress. We ended up at a BBQ joint and we all got the special, I think. Around this time, I was really first starting to eat and enjoy spicy foods, and naively thought I really liked very, very spicy foods (this all being relative to an unseasoned palate). So, I got my big, delicious pork sandwich, and without even trying it first, I grabbed some Dave’s Insanity sauce off their big wall of novelty sauces and shook it a few times over the sandwich.

    The first bite was more bewildering than anything, but not wanting to make a big deal about it, I took a second bite as the conversation flowed. It was then that the chemical heat started to really burn and make me a little sick to my stomach. I ended up having to push the sandwich away with an “I can’t eat this” and get back in the now very busy line for another drink and a giant cake cookie thing that I thought would help. I felt like an idiot and missed most of the conversation at the table while I recovered (and people were too polite to talk to me while I feigned interest with watery eyes), though I did catch an “is she OK?” from the new person.

    Of course, everyone was totally nice about it and I never tried that sauce again. There are probably people reading this who don’t even think it’s all that hot.

  289. Ms. Anne Thrope*

    I had cosmetic surgery to remove excess skin following weight loss. My excess skin was almost entirely in my “nether regions”. Of course I took a photo of the results right after I came out from under the anaesthetic! A few weeks later, I accidentally pocket-texted the photo in a text to my boss. The only saving grace I guess, is that without context, it would be really tough to know what you were looking at in the photo.

    I got a text back from her saying “Why have you texted me a photo of roadkill?”

    She knew I had the surgery, and had a pretty good idea what it involved. I think she was just being polite. I die a little every time I remember that.

  290. Hlyssande*

    One my close colleagues was struggling with an unexpected tax issue related to her mother’s estate (they got bad, bad advice from her mother’s investing agent when they cashed out her investments and it seriously screwed the coworker over). She was talking to another coworker in the bathroom about it, just completely broken and distressed. When I came out of the stall, I squeezed her shoulder – before I washed my hands.

    We’ve never spoken about it, but I’m still embarrassed whenever it comes up.

  291. Lalaith*

    At the end of my first week at one job, we all went out for a happy hour to welcome me and I think one other person that had started shortly before I had (this was not a large company, maybe 15 people). We’re hanging out, everything’s fine, and eventually I have to get going to catch my bus home. And for some reason I’m going around saying goodbye by hugging people. I don’t know why, maybe someone else initiated it – I’m not usually one to hug near-strangers. I go to hug one guy… and knock over the basket of soft pretzels he had just gotten.

    This would have been just an unfortunate mishap if I’d apologized and cleaned it up, maybe bought him a new basket, but no. I basically froze. In front of my new boss, everyone. I *think* I apologized? But all I could think was that I had to run to catch my bus, so I stared in horror, stammered something about the bus, and basically ran away. I mean my only consolation is that the happy hour was company-sponsored, so I don’t think the guy was out-of-pocket for the pretzels.

    What’s even worse is that at the time, that guy was only in the office one or two days a week, so by the time he was around again, it felt too weird to address. So we just never mentioned it again.

  292. OrchidDragon*

    When our receptionist quit, my company hired the first replacement available through a temp agency. Another co-worker “Lucy” and I trained the new temp “Sandy” on the basics, like answering the phones and how to greet customers. She was not trained on all the duties listed in the job description and she knew this. The temp was eligible to be hired after 90 days if the department manager “Bob” found the temp to be a good candidate. Bob wanted to make sure the temp was the right fit before offering a permanent position. He was also conducting interviews with other candidates, which everyone was aware of.

    Sandy kept asking my co-worker Lucy and me if we thought she was a good candidate. And would we put a good word in for her, as she really needed the job, etc. We told her over and over we no influence over hiring. She was incredibly insecure and constantly wanted reassurance. To be nice, I said she was doing okay with the duties she was trained on but I don’t think I exaggerated.

    Towards the end of Sandy’s contract, I was the only one who had daily contact with her and we would chat. She increased the demands for “to put in a good word for her”. Again I told her I had no influence on hiring. At a staff meeting (which she did not attend), my department manager Bob asked in front of everyone why I promised the receptionist job to the temp. He felt she did not have enough computer skills or confidence. When I tried to explain I did not promise anything, he chewed me out and I was mortified. Normally, Bob was a fair and calm boss, so this was way out of character for him. My co-worker Lucy stated that Sandy did not seem to accept that we had no influence on hiring. Bob backed down and I avoided him for a while.

    After Bob told the temp agency we did not need Sandy anymore, she was upset and went crying to his office. After a long conversation, he started to understand that her character blew any kind of praise out of proportion. Bob asked me to direct all questions about a permanent replacement to him. Perhaps I had been too nice to Sandy and unintentionally made her think she had a shot at the job.

    I watched what I said after that. Bob had a long conversation with the next temp as to the expectations if they would be considered for the position.

    1. Flora*

      The person who should be reporting this as their most embarrassing moment is Bob, for chewing you out. What the hell, Bob.

  293. swfgoesketo*

    I work as a tutor at a test prep academy. High school students aren’t always so good with cell phone etiquette, and they often forget to silence their devices/turn on Do Not Disturb. During class one year, a student’s phone kept buzzing when he received notifications. I said, “Can you please turn off your vibrator?”

  294. ProcrastinatorByNature*

    Not me, but right at the start of my current job I was on a conference call about new purchasing regulations. Literally thousands of people are on this call. The speaker is interrupted by what is clearly the sound of a toilet flushing, causing complete silence in which everyone can hear one woman talking to another about how it hurt to pee and she probably has bladder stones again. The poor moderator had to keep it together enough to remind everyone to put their phones on silent.

  295. Beezus*

    I made salad dressing in an old mustard jar and when I went to shake it, the lid wasn’t on tight and I threw balsamic dressing all over myself and our bookcase of office supplies and the floor. Even after it was cleaned up, it looked like a crime scene. Luckily myself/my coworkers have good humor and we all still laugh about it, especially when someone has to use one of the few remaining lightly balsamic stained on the edge FedEx labels. Thankfully I lived around the corner at the time and could go home and change.

  296. Oops!*

    We had annual physicals including a urine test at the on-site health unit. After collecting the sample, we we had to set the open sample cup on top of the toilet tank lid. One year, I didn’t notice that the toilet tank lid was on crooked at a slant. My sample slid off and spilled all over the floor. So embarrassing to have to go out and tell the nurses what happened.

  297. LizA*

    This was a narrowly-averted embarrassment:

    At my last job, I used to have occasional Skype meetings with colleagues in other countries, which I would take at home since they were at odd hours. One morning at 5am, I was setting up for a call with our Afghanistan office (which was entirely staffed by locals, most of whom were devout Muslims). I had recently rearranged my living room, and my desk was now opposite from my artist roommate’s desk. Five minutes before the call, I realized what this meant: the wall directly behind me, which would be visible on a Skype call, was covered with a variety of art prints including several naked women and one prominent phallus.

    I scrambled to remove them just before the call started and replaced them after. But if I hadn’t noticed this, it would have been EXTREMELY embarrassing for both of us!

  298. The Original Karen from Finance*

    1. Our CEO was in town and we had a mandatory lunch time meeting with lunch provided. I was having a BAD DAY due non-work personal issues that were spilling over into my work day. So I get to the meeting and go get food. I had a plate, my notebook, and my drink in my hands–carrying way too much. As soon as I went to sit down, my plate toppled over and salad went everywhere. Everyone around me sprung into action and helped to clean up the mess. I was embarrassed for a bit and had to sit through the meeting when all I wanted to do was cry.

    2. This isn’t that embarrassing but one day my teammate came to chat with me at my desk. We had known each other for some time and worked in a very casual office. She knocked on my cube’s wall and I turned around and extended my hand for a handshake, as if it was the first time I’d met her. I don’t know why.

    3. Not me but my boss: Boss was crafting an email to send to the client, but sent it out to the team first with questions/notes on various parts of the response. She accidentally copied one of our client’s EDs. One of her notes (which she thought was just to the internal team) was “do we really need to give them this information?” I immediately recognized it and messaged my boss privately. She tried to recall the message but it was too late. The director jumped right on her question, copying the rest of HIS team, with a snarky response. Man, I was mortified for my boss.

  299. Just call me Gretel*

    Back when I used to be embarassed about the fact that my body gets a period I would stuff my tampon in my bra to take it to the bathroom at work. One more reason why more dresses need pockets!

    Well this day i had two in there, I’m not really sure I remember why I was carrying more than one, and on my way they both worked their way loose. one at a time. so on my way to the bathroom i dropped tampons like breadcrumbs to lead me back to my desk and when i got into the bathroom I realized that I didn’t have a tampon with me.

    I had to call out in the bathroom and ask someone for a tampon to be passed to me. And then on my way back to my desk sure enough I ran into both of them on the floor. I did the kind of swoop and grab that feels stealthy when you do it but probably looks super obvious to anyone watching and headed back to my desk with my head down not wanting to accidentally meet anyone’s eyes!

    1. Renee*

      OMG! I did this with a pad in my pocket, I thought I was being so stealthy until the bright pink pad ended up in the middle of the office walkway. XD

  300. seejay*

    Probably not horribly embarrassing, but I was mortified at the time.

    A friend was visiting from out of town and we were hitting up a concert and club several nights in a row. We’re talking goth/industrial/fetish clubs, so we were fully done up from head to toe: I was doing the fish nets, bondage collar, latex look, she was going for the gothic lolita style. This particular night, I had left my phone at the office so we had the cab stop on the way to the club so I could pick it up. She waits in the cab while I run up. It’s 9:30/10:00 pm, no one’s going to be there, right?

    As the elevator opens in the lobby, there’s three people standing there: two coworkers and the CEO (all male). I just stand there, dumbfounded, in my fetish-wear and go… um….. cause yeah, they all recognize me.

    Well, it turned into “WHERE ARE YOU GOING, COME PARTY WITH US, CAN WE JOIN YOU?!?!” and me trying to not die of shock. I manage to get away from the three of them, get up to my desk and grab my phone and run back downstairs to my cab, where there’s another horrifying story awaiting me.

    Turns out they saw the cab and opened the door and discovered my friend. They jumped to the (correct) assumption that she was with me and tried to convince her to go along to their party and get her to convince me to go too. She uncomfortably told them no, and relayed this mortifying gobsmacking story to me when I got in, starting it off with “well, I just met three of your coworkers…”

    On Monday, I didn’t hear a peep from the CEO, one coworker thought the whole exchange was hilarious but never brought it up again, and the third coworker wouldn’t leave me alone until I brought him out to a goth night at the club (which was a whole other frustrating and annoying kettle of fish, but that’s related to him being a douchewaffle).

    1. Tomato Frog*

      This is AMAZING. I on wish they had all had the grace or the social awkwardness to pretend like absolutely nothing unusual was going on when they saw you.

  301. Lalapants*

    1. Had sudden, explosive diarrhea at work and pooped my pants. I was working as a supermarket cashier and as part of our uniform basically wore a smock over our clothes which luckily hid the evidence. I told my supervisor that it was a period incident (I was 17 and that seemed less embarrassing than pooping my pants), went to the bathroom and cleaned myself off as best I could and she let me go home since, thankfully, it was a slow day.

    2. I climbed up on a countertop at work to get something off a high shelf. When I went to get down, I somehow mistook a trash can for the stepstool I had used and came crashing down, breaking a shelf on the way. My coworkers missed the fall but came running over when they heard the crash and had the grace to make sure I was ok before they started laughing. It’s funny now but I was sore for a few days!

  302. LilyP*

    Once a colleague who was new to a certain task that required consistent coverage asked me if I could keep an eye on it while he went to the bathroom.

    Me: sure, but in general you don’t need to get someone to cover if you’re only going to be gone a few minutes
    Him: oh I know
    *awkward silence*
    Him: leaves for the bathroom

  303. OhBehave*

    I opened an email that contained a virus. It took down our entire system and my computer for a week. I’m usually so tech savvy! OMG!!! I felt about as low as a slug. My boss (friend) said that it could happen to anyone.

  304. CanadaNarwhal*

    I got sick quite suddenly and didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Threw up all over the hallway by the elevators. I didn’t want to leave the mess there, but I had no cleaning supplies, and was also probably too sick to clean much anyway. I sucked it up and told the office admin about it so he could call maintenance and then headed home. So embarrassing!

  305. JaneB*

    A few years ago but my face is red just typing this!
    Wearing linen trousers to teach in hot weather, sat down on a computer lab chair to talk to a student, turns out the fabric of the chair was completely slippery to linen (fine with my usual wool blend or cotton pique). I ended up flat on my back, the chair shot across the room, and everything in my pockets went flying – keys, small coins, sanitary towel – and when my flip-phone hit the leg of a table it came apart into multiple pieces. Knocked my wind out so just had to lie there gasping for an awful few seconds… the students were very nice, and I only ripped the inner leg seam of the trousers not the butt…

  306. Susana*

    One thing that’s coming through here – there really are a to of GREAT bosses out there! Compassionate and helpful. Bravo!

  307. agoldenblackbird*

    Oh, man. I worked in a call center in my late teens/early 20s, and they are a special circle of hell where employment norms get thrown out the window. During training for rollout of a new teapot design, we were asked to do ‘humorous skits’ that advertised the new teapot’s features in some way. One group did a Sir-Mix-A-Lot parody with new lyrics, and our training class did a mock episode of Jerry Springer, and one of the managers recorded the performances and handed out DVD copies afterward. I still have it, and it’s even more cringeworthy and inappropriate than you’re picturing. It still baffles me that not only was this permitted at work but it was considered an appropriate use of time. Totalling up all the time to write and practice the skit and then sit through all the performances was at least two full work days.

    1. DesertRose*

      That reminds me of a funny thing that happened with my last job.
      I was working as a medical transcriptionist (independent contractor), and I’m chugging merrily along typing dictations of office visits for a doctor whose dictations I transcribed regularly, and I open the next audio file, expecting another office-visit dictation.

      I got, “I like big butts and I cannot lie! [next few lines of “Baby Got Back, followed by “Dr. Surname got a big ol’ butt!]”

      I just stared at my screen, laughing for a few minutes, and then I sent an instant message to my contact at the transcription company, trying to explain the situation delicately, something like, “Recording [Internal System Number] isn’t Dr. Surname dictating; it’s someone else, I hope an employee of the practice, singing a pop song.” Contact told me to put the file into the review queue and just go on to the next audio file.

      About ten minutes later, Contact sends me an IM: “I needed that laugh today.”

  308. cactus lady*

    Last summer was my first time speaking in public to a hostile crowd. And I TOTALLY CHOKED, in front of a Very Important community person I was trying to impress/establish a good relationship with. I spoke too fast, stumbled over words, said “um” and “like” way too much. The whole thing was just awful, I almost quit that day. I’m still so embarrassed remembering it. How long until it’s something I can laugh about?

  309. Snickerdoodle*

    I was mentoring a couple of new volunteers at the animal shelter and describing a recent cruelty case we had, and I accidentally said “cock ring” instead of “cock fighting ring.”

    I never lived it down. Now I just use the generic “cruelty case.”

  310. Carlie*

    Grad school, as a research assistant. I had to have my newborn with me his first month as we waited for a daycare spot, so I was trying really hard to be out of the way and unnoticeable. A VIP researcher in the field came for a visit to our lab, and as I was introduced to him, me trying to look serious and professional while holding a baby, said baby chose that exact moment to totally reverse the constipation problem he’d been having for the last few days, all at once. No diaper on earth could have contained the ensuing poop-nami.

  311. L. S. Cooper*

    I got trapped in a staircase in the building. I had extra time over my lunch hour, so I was going to run and up and down the stairs to get in some movement, not realizing that the door locked behind me. I didn’t have the number of anyone in the office, was out of range of our office’s wifi, and Tmobile didn’t work so well in that part of the world anyway.
    I wound up sitting on the stairs until I saw some people coming up– people who worked for a completely different company– and they thankfully let me back into the core of the building, where I could take the elevator up to the office and ring the bell to get in.
    I was SO embarrassed, and also very sweaty, because the staircase was a million degrees. Not my best day.

  312. PurplePen*

    Mine were both phone related, but embarrassing in their own special ways.

    Way back, I worked as a receptionist. I was talking to my husband in between calls. Our CEO called in so he could speak to the COO, so I put my hubby on hold. After checking that the COO was in her office, I transferred what I thought was the CEO’s line to her, and went back to what I thought was my husband, saying “Hey, sweetie, I’m back.” The spluttering on the other end told me I’d accidentally mixed up the lines.

    The second was arguably worse. When I was working IT, I had this one end user who was absolutely computer-illiterate. On a daily basis, she would call for me to walk her through portions of her routine tasks. I sent her step-by-step instructions, but she would mess them up. One day, I got so frustrated with her that I said, “can you hold a moment?” and hit my mute button so I could rail about what an idiot she was to my fellow techs. I really vented all my frustration in the most indelicate terms. And that is the day I found out my mute button was broken! She heard every very rude word.

  313. Librarian of SHIELD*

    It’s late in the day and I don’t know if anybody will see this, but I can’t not share.

    At a previous job, we took turns choosing music to play over the PA system before customers arrived. One morning, I was the first person to arrive and nobody else was scheduled to be there for an hour. I put on Whitney Houston’s greatest hits and started getting the library ready to open. I was turning on computers and unlocking interior doors, singing along with the music as I went, and it was all fine. But then I started getting into it. “I Have Nothing” came on, and it was getting close to the key change, and I was being super dramatic when I turned to see three of my coworkers standing there watching me and giggling. My hour had past and I hadn’t noticed.

    They never let me hear the end of it.

    1. BadWolf*

      You needed to be on one of those ladders, sailing down the row of books, belting out showtunes like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

  314. The Brazilian Hobbit*

    I had just started on my current job. First meeting we were having with the company owner. I’m paying attention to what he’s explaining, and go to lean on the (faulty, unbeknownst to me) table behind me. The moment my hands set on it, the table collapses, bringing me and the table to the floor during my first week on the job. I hoped for a moment there that the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

      1. The Brazilian Hobbit*

        I considered quitting my job or just not showing up the next day, lol. And the fact that everyone was so nice and concerned only made me more mortified!

  315. Renee*

    It was my very first office job out of college, I had been their for a little less than a year at that time, but I felt I got along really well with both my manager and grand manager. Well ever since I turned 19 I started getting horrible migraines, I learned what my triggers were (loud noises, bright lights, strong smells) and learned to stay away from them. But sadly their are two triggers that I have no control over hormonal and weather-related (if it rains or is super hot). On that day I came into work at my normal 8:00am time, and noticed a bunch of clouds gathering and of course I had run out of my migraine pills, but I figured hey maybe my head would be nice today. WRONG! By 9am full-blown migraine made worse by my computer screen and bright fluorescent lighting, I knew I couldn’t work like this but my manager starts later in the day and since I was hourly I couldn’t just go home without telling anyone, so I went to speak with my grand manager. My grand manager lets me into his office and notices the pained expression in my face and asks me what’s wrong. A little quirk I have is I’m an iron dam when it comes to crying, but anytime someone asks me what is wrong the flood gates open for no rhyme or reason. So I’m in a huge amount of pain from my migraine and I get asked my kryptonite and of course…I BURST INTO TEARS in the middle of my grand manager’s office, and I mean full-blown blubbering water works! He looks terrified and all the while I’m trying to get out that I need to go home because I have a really bad migraine, but it’s coming out as hiccuped gibberish. So he just kind of stood their awkwardly for 5 minutes till I calmed down enough to get out what I needed to say. Of course he says yes I could go home, probably just to try to get this crazed crying female out of his office, but then in walks my manager and he asks me what is wrong, cue water works. Really bad migraines effect my vision and balance so my manager had to walk me out of the office with a freaking hand on my back to steady me and keep from bumping into a wall, and then sit with me till my parents drove up to pick me up. That was on a Friday, going back to work on Monday was the most awkward time of my life. My managers were nice, but I don’t think they will ask me what’s wrong for a while.

  316. Not Quite a Nurse*

    Best secondhand situation was when a new resident on our floor (I work in a hospital) thought he would be helpful and go warm some blankets for patients….in the microwave. He didn’t realize we had a special warmer for the blankets and didn’t think to ask anyone. Well, he DESTROYED the microwave (the only one in our break room), lit all the blankets on fire, and the whole floor had to go into a code red protocol until the firefighters arrived. He felt awful but looking back on it it was pretty funny that a guy with so much education had no idea why you shouldn’t put cloth into a microwave.

  317. Nicki*

    I got pantsed by a turkey.
    No, seriously. Working with animals, my pants were gross already that day (s*** happens) so while they were in the wash I put rainpants on. We had to catch a turkey for a veterinary exam and while I had her in my arms she kicked back and, lo and behold, there I was with my pants down over my butt in the middle of a zoo during opening hours for all the world to see.

    Fortunately I wore unremarkable underwear that day. I had to have the (male) intern pull them back up for me since I couldn’t release the turkey yet…I think it was his first week, haha!

  318. spiralingsnails*

    My first, last, & only time serving champagne at a fancy shindig! I felt nervous about balancing tall skinny glasses on a small lightweight tray while moving through a crowd. But my lead coworkers insisted I would be fine despite having zero practice and refused to let me swap to another position. (It wasn’t until I discovered AAM that I realized just how dysfunctional that workplace was.) The very first time I picked up my tray and tried to move into a conversational circle of guests: I tipped the tray too far forwards *glass falls off front* reacted by jerking it back too far *glass falls off back* then felt like dying of embarrassment as my frustrated coworkers fumed in the background and the VIP guests (who had just had champagne spattered on their shoes!) insisted on helping me clean up the glass shards & mop the puddle.

    It had a nice epilogue though: at an event a few weeks later, a woman stopped me to comment that she admired how gracefully I had handled the situation. And Mark Twain was right – I HAVE lived on that compliment for years!

  319. Shark Week 1, My Dignity 0*

    When I was younger, I had a weird period-related thing. The day before it was due, I would lose all control over my tear ducts. It wasn’t even moodiness. My emotional reactions were normal, but the tears weren’t. Inside, I’d be thinking, “darn…oh well”. Outside, it would be “WAAAH!!1!”. This would only last for a few hours a month, but it was consistent.

    So…I got laid off. Guess what time of the month it was?

    No, it wasn’t a surprise. The company was going out of business. But I ugly cried anyway. I had to tell the poor HR lady to just get on with the paperwork, that I was perfectly rational, and was only weeping because PMS. Not my finest moment.

  320. PurplePen*

    Oh! I thought of another one. This is a lesson in keeping your personal life separate from your work life, even in the smallest ways.

    My husband had bought a computer gaming device on Amazon and it didn’t work with his system. We got a postage-paid return label but I didn’t have any shipping tape in the house to seal it up. So instead of buying some, I thought I’d ask the folks in the mail department at work if they wouldn’t mind just taping the package closed for me. The very nice, very Christian person handling it said “Sure, just leave it there, and when I’m finished, I’ll tape it up and bring it back to you.”

    When it was dropped off in my office, this person couldn’t look me in the eye. I thought it was weird, and later one of their coworkers said I shouldn’t have put the person in that position. I was super confused! Why is taping up a box a big deal? Then I realized the name on the box. What my husband had bought was a flight control stick for an airplane simulator. The brand name was “Thrustmaster.” My coworkers had ENTIRELY the wrong idea about what was in that box.

    I was mortified that they thought I would be so blase about something that would be so inappropriate in the workplace! I marched right in there, tore the box open, and showed them what was actually in the box. Then we had a good laugh, but it still makes me blush.

  321. Surrogate Tongue Pop*

    I was working in a very large bank corporate headquarters high rise building. Very, very formal and business-y. I had been prescribed 3 medications for some kind of back pain, and had taken them without incident for 2 days. On day 3, for some reason, I got extremely woozy and loopy and remember eating crackers while standing up with my forehead against the window. A colleague who was also an EMT was called over to check on what was going on. I had to be rolled off the floor in my office chair half slumped over and nauseous, into the elevator, down 20 or so floors with a few stops, and across the very marble, very large, very formal lobby, so a friend could take me to the ER. Where I got a shot. In da butt.

  322. AnonyMiss*

    I was in my early 20’s and working on something with my boss at a conference table in his office. After a few hours of sitting there with him, I stood up and felt a gigantic warm gush leave my body at the crotch area of my pale blue pants. I gasped and ran out of the office to the ladies room. My sister was working for us part-time and she was there that day. My boss wandered out and hemmed and hawed a bit and finally told her that she may want to check on me and that, he wasn’t sure, but I might be in the ladies room.

    Fortunately, my sister had some clothes in her car and she brought me some pants that I changed into. I stuffed my ruined pants into a plastic bag. It looked like the overhead shot of the murder scene in Taxi Driver. I don’t know how I could lose all the blood at once and live to tell the tale today. I asked my sister to check and see if I stained one of my boss’s brand new Herman Miller chairs so I would know if I had to leave the country.

    No destroyed chairs, so I marched my young self right back into his office, wearing jeans, and took right up where we left off. He was brilliant in his non-response, non-noticing the new outfit, also taking-up-right-where-we-left-off way.

  323. Once Was Enough*

    In college I had an internship sponsored by Big Corporation. Many people at different colleges had these internships, but they weren’t with Big Corporation, they were at a variety of work places. So at the end of the year, Big Corporation throws a big conference, interns from all over go for free, meet each other and Big Corporation execs. The last night they there is a party at the hotel, lots of loud music, dancing, and FYI I didn’t drink alcohol. I wore a sharp outfit I’d made myself (I was a good seamstress): lightweight knit skirt, long lightweight knit jacket, and a non-midriff baring tube top. Out on the dance floor, I realized that the tube top had jostled its way below my boobs. I don’t know how long it had been like that. I made a snappy dance turn, pulled it up, danced my way out of there and spent the rest of the night in my room. I don’t know if anyone saw it because the jacket may (or may not!) have covered it, but I never wanted to communicate with any of those people again, ever. Nor did I wear tube tops.

  324. Elizabeth West*

    I’ve spent the entire afternoon crying laughing at these–thank you so much. Here are more of mine:

    –The time I sent the phone list that included the boss’s cell phone numbers and was just meant for the receptionist (me) to everyone.

    –The time I slipped and fell on a wet leaf as I was coming into work.

    –The time I asked a customer at a restaurant where I worked when she was due and she pulled out a big pair of gloves from the front pocket of her coat and said “I’m not pregnant.”

    –The time I was supposed to handle the catering for a meeting and the delivery was mega late and I had a panic attack in front of the entire company.

    –The time my allergies caught up with me in an interview and I had to ask the interviewer for a glass of water because I couldn’t stop coughing. I did not get the job and never went anywhere without a bottle of water ever again.

    –The time I spilled my entire bottle of water in my lap at my desk and my seat and pants were soaked.

    –The time my boss and I were chatting with an attractive customer in the cafeteria where we worked and I said, “Gee, I’m tired,” stretch-yawned, and fell over backwards, flat on the floor.
    (The customer and I ended up dating for five years and every so often he’d say, “Remember when you fell over backwards?” and howl with laughter.)

  325. LabTechNoMore*

    From my lab days:

    My lab work revolved around operating complicated scientific equopment. So I could barely live down the time I managed to set the water dispenser on fire. (It got me some light-hearted teasing from my coworkers, including a Christmas Ornament made out of the circuit board that short-circuted.)

    Also the time I made surprise-bromine (a very toxic, purple gas when in its elemental state). The instructions weren’t very well worded to avoid that, but wasn’t too proud in any case.

    Also the time I accidentally knocked the 20L acid bath off the cart, inverting it completely.

    Good times.

  326. tnscourt*

    Once I was making a sales call to a senior home with my boss. I was brand new and as we were leaving our meeting one of the residents says loudly at full volume. “The make up is okay but the skirt is WAY too short!” I wanted to crawl into a hole.

    1. Star Girl*

      Dear lord. During his last years at the nursing home my very sweet grandfather would proudly introduce his physical therapist (blonde, early 30s, married, wore a ring) as a virgin. Like, unasked, “This is Susan. She’s a virgin.”

      We had no idea where he got the idea or why he kept repeating it. He was born in the 30s, very much a feminist for his time, and, when he was well, would never have brought up sex in mixed company.

      Old people just… say stuff.

  327. CatMintCat*

    A school I worked at had a quite steep ramp from one level of the playground to another. We were always telling the children to walk down the ramp. Anyway, one day, down I went. I wasn’t hurt except for a badly bruised dignity. Three kindergarten children helped me up and dusted me off and I went about my day.

    The following Friday, at a whole school assembly, with parents present, those three kids were given a special citizenship award and the whole story was told. For the next two years I was “the one who fell down the ramp and got rescued by five year olds”.

  328. MissDisplaced*

    I think the thing about these terrible horrible mortifying things is that when they happen to you at work you feel so awful, and bad, as though you’re the only one who does that, or it’s happened to.
    But of course we see such things happen to just about everyone at some point or another, and it’s just a pretty normal human malfunction we all have.
    Take care sweeties and don’t let it get you down!

  329. LPUK*

    Not me but happened to a colleague years ago. She was pregnant and was attending a chocolate factory to do a quality audit. She was sitting with a team of male managers in a conference room and crossed her legs under the table, only to bang into a metal cross -strut with her knee. The pain was so intense she actually fainted… and came round on the floor to see them all anxiously gathered round her. Somewhat embarrassed she managed to get herself up, sat in the same chair and, you guessed it, did exactly the same thing again, with exactly the same result.

    And one from me, when working for the same company. I had just been promoted to buyer and was being shadowed by a new graduate, so I took him with me, in my shiny new company car, in my eighties power suit, to a meeting I was having with one of our factories. Arrived in the car park, doing my best to act as a Serious Professional, walked round the front of the car… and spotted a dead bird, little broken neck dangling, wedged into my radiator! Exit serious professional woman, enter hysterical screaming ninny. I made him take it out of the grille and dispose of it. I suppose it wasn’t what he was expecting as the start of his career either!

  330. DesertRose*

    My first regular job was in food service, at a well-known chain pizza restaurant. One of the shift managers and two of my coworkers got into a silly play-fight wherein they were spraying “spray release” (aka non-stick cooking spray for industrial kitchens) and flinging water at each other. Shortly after the fight ended, so did my shift (it was getting on towards closing time anyway), so I clocked out and went to make myself a little pizza for my employee meal (we were entitled to a personal-sized pizza or similarly priced menu item if we’d worked at least four hours).

    I rolled out my crust and put it in the little pan, and started to walk over to the “cook table” (where the sauce, cheese, and toppings were), but as I walked past the oven, I slipped in the oil/water mess and fell directly on my backside. The fall made some noise, so the shift manager asked what had happened, and the cook (who I think was still on the clock at the time) yelled, “[My-First-Name] just busted her a$$!”

    Fortunately, only my dignity was seriously damaged (probably helps that I was maybe 17 or 18 years old at the time–ah, the physical resilience of youth! ;) ), and in fact by the time the manager walked over to where I had fallen, I was laughing fit to kill (along with the cook who’d seen and announced my fall). When Manager realized I wasn’t really hurt, he joined in the laughter.

  331. Lizzie*

    I was co-presenting with my boss at a conference. My first time doing this, so I was pretty nervous. It was in a fairly large conference room, with slides, mikes, etc…
    The presentation went well and as people were leaving, my boss pulls me aside real quick and jokes, “That seemed to go well. I think only half the room were asleep.” I laugh and in my lame attempt to be funny too, I say, “Yeah, and the other half of the room looked lost as hell.” I noticed some heads turn, then instantly realized I was still miked. Crap.

  332. BTDT*

    I used to work at a place that had more volunteers than employees, so parts of the building were open to the public. One day a coworker’s lunch was stolen from the kitchen, and it was some kind of specialty pizza that she was really craving. When she realized it was stolen she was furious and asked the building supervisor to look at the security cameras. He agreed and then word went around the office at lightning speed that someone was about to get busted, so we all gathered around his computer to watch the footage. At first we saw multiple volunteers in the kitchen. We all recognized all of them b/c they’re regulars. Then one by one they left until one guy remained, and at this point I started getting nervous b/c I knew the guy veeerrrrry well. But I thought surely he would never steal food. No way. He disappeared from the camera lens for a few minutes and I thought oh thank god it wasn’t him. But then he juuuuuuust leaned back into the frame for a few seconds – just enough that you could clearly see him stuffing his face with a piece of pizza. And I wanted the floor to swallow me whole, because the culprit was MY DAD. I just stood there in shock while all the other employees around me busted out laughing (except the pizza victim. she was still pissed). I took a lot of ribbing over this. The building supervisor took a screenshot of my dad’s face stuffed with pizza and people made all kinds of work-related memes with it. It was hilarious/mortifying. I’ve never had the courage to bring it up to my dad though. One day I will… Pizza victim confronted him though. I didn’t have to witness that thankfully.

    1. Batgirl*

      How have you never brought this up with your dad?! The piss taking opportunities are immense…

  333. Victoria J*

    So many…

    1. First real job. Office with some areas open to the public and some closed areas, with keypad locks/handle on the doors on between. Doors were normally unlocked at certain times.

    I tried to pull open a door. I guess it was locked, by I was convinced it wasn’t. So I pulled, and pulled and pulled the whole lock and handle completely off. I apologized and offered to pay but they were convinced the lock must have already been broken. But I’m just a lot stronger than I look.

    2. Pushed open an office door too hard, so it hit a fire extinguisher and set it off. A huge whoof noise. Powder everywhere.

    (Not actually my fault, some fool had moved a fire extinguisher to hold open a fire door. But I was the one who everyone looked at).

    3. Saw a client at a weird community outreach center. Discovered their wheelchair lift didn’t work so the only place to meet with someone in a wheelchair was in one corner of a room full of people. The client was ok with this (and seemed to know that was the only option there). This was the only time I ever had an appointment with someone in public.

    I had to give a general warning before we got started properly (while we could hopefully get her more money getting a reassessment could go either way, and while I was confident that any reduction would be wrong it did sometimes take time and an appeal to sort things out). This upset the client. Three minutes into an hour long appointment she stormed out shouting that I was making her depressed and she’d talk to someone helpful instead. In front of soooo many people.

    But my mother has the best story.

    She was a social worker. She was visiting a family, a nice visit with foster parents not anything stressful. The woman she was visiting went to make a cup of tea and left my mother alone, except for a budgerigar in a cage.

    So my mother went to talk to the budgie, saying “who’s a pretty boy” in a silly budgie like voice.

    The woman dropped everything in the kitchen, ran back excitedly, and couldn’t stop talking about how it was the first time the budgie had ever spoken. My mother was too embarrassed to ever admit it was her doing a silly voice.

    She also once injured herself trying to open the office first aid box.

  334. StarGirl*

    My first job out of college was at one of the nations most prestigious universities (so a very buttoned up culture in general), working for a professor. He was a very sweet older man from India with a very silly sense of humor. One day, I wore undies that had little silver star sequins/studs on them.

    A few hours into the day, my boss came over and saw one of the stars had someone found its way to the floor.
    “What’s this?” He asked me.
    Horrified I stammered “Uhhh, I don’t know.”
    “It didn’t come from you?” He looked over my outfit for signs of star sequins.
    I just feigned ignorance hoping he’d drop it, obviously not wanting to cop to the true source, but he PRESSED THE STAR ONTO HIS NOSE, declared himself “fancy”, and did a little jig around my office.

    I was extremely uncomfortable but couldn’t stop laughing looking at this little star on my bosses face knowing it had been on my crotch hours earlier.

  335. Bureaucrat #7*

    Not me, but my favourite embarrassing work story anyway: My grand boss worked off site most of the time but used to get his Amazon packages shipped to his office in my building. He would drop by once a week or so for meetings and pick up his packages.

    One day, his assistant was away and I signed for this enormous box for him. I went to put it in his office and noticed that it was covered in stickers that said “girl’s underwear” on the top and sides. I left it on his desk, in full view of the hallway, not realizing he was on holidays for 2 weeks. During that time, people kept coming over to show each other the box and take pictures. Everyone thought it was hilarious.

    Anyway, he was absolutely mortified when he got back and saw the box and learned how long it had been there. He actually called everyone into his office afterwards to show them that the box had a bedspread in it and not underwear.

    So awkward. Pretty sure he never found out that I signed for the box, which was probably a good thing. (Although why why his assistant didn’t move the box, I don’t know…)

  336. Absent minded*

    I showered one morning, wrapped my hair up in my oversized towel turban and carried on with my morning routine. I never thought of it again — that is until I was sitting at my desk, working away, and I heard the office door open behind my cube. In that instant I simultaneously realized that was the CEO arriving early as usual, and the towel was most definitely still on my head. I had never done my hair and I never forgot the look on his face.

    1. La Croix*

      OMG that’s hilarious — and original! So simple and so funny. And not another vomit story!

  337. Michelle*

    Twenty years ago when I worked for an automotive manufacturer, I was on a 6-person committee to organize the annual staff planning day retreat. One of the committee’s tasks was to decide on a small thank you gift which would be an office item with the company logo. The usual giveaways were bandied about: coffee mugs, pens, t-shirts, ball caps, etc. My suggestion was a small padfolio: a leatherette folio that holds a half-size pad of paper. I used mine all the time and LOVED it, and was convinced everyone would love to have one too! I lobbied hard for the idea! Sadly, I wasn’t able to persuade the rest of the committee (all men) that everyone would want one of these, and a different gift was chosen. It was only after I returned to my desk, sore that my idea was shot down, that I realized I had been championing a ‘minipad.’ “Everyone could use a minipad!” and “I vote for the minipad!” The lone woman in the room. Mind you, this was before Apple had launched the first touch-pad computer and the term ‘pad’ meant either pad-of-paper or feminine product.

  338. So Many Bad Decisions*

    I was 7+ months pregnant when my job at an insurance company wanted to send me into our head office (San Francisco) for training. No amount of protesting about how I didn’t want to travel on BART could get me out of it. On the 3rd day I exited the train and started up the escalator when the crowd surged forward knocking me down and people started walking on me to get to the top of the stairs! I curled up as much as I could and arrived at the top, knees and hands bloodied, in a crumpled heap. It took me a minute to gather my wits and stand up, I staggered towards the office, I was about a block away when a co-worker saw me, hair askew, filthy, foot prints on my pants and back, pants shredded at the knees both of my hands and knees dripping blood. She freaked and hurried me towards the office. A few steps in she said, oh my god, your pants are ripped! I said I know, they’re completely ruined, looking down at my knees, she said, NO, the back of them too. I’d ripped the entire seat out and had walked all the way down Van Ness, disheveled, bloody with my bum hanging out……. **sigh**

  339. yup, into the laptop bag... bus full of folks!*

    A few years ago, I was attending a very big conference at a software company in Wisconsin. I’d been swapped into the spot to replace one of our directors, so I was staying in a super room / location on her reservation.
    The conference buses everyone out to their campus (dozens of buses). Since I was in the “extra nice” digs, instead of riding with my usual software counterparts, I was riding with primarily doctors. (Think doctors who specialize in electronic medical records, are the CIO, or manage hospitals).
    I’m toting what I used to call my “adult diaper bag” – which had some of everything in it. Wearing the requisite pant suit, floral silk scarf, etc.
    I have a childhood tendency to car sickness, and that morning, I’d stopped at the starbucks and bought a local, “natural” oatmeal bar of some sort, because I was starving (and had taken some vitamins, not good on an empty stomach)… and it’s a good 45 minute ride to the conference from downtown.
    I am halfway back, seated next to a nice female ER doc, when it hits me. Literally vomiting into my laptop bag. (fortunately, I quickly found a plastic grocery bag inside of it to catch the mess). I’m trying to quietly upchuck for a good 5 minutes, although it seemed forever. She’s slowly inched away from me (bus is full) as far as she can. I finally can answer her kind questions – fever, virus, etc. I was able to reassure her that it was car sickness and possibly whatever was in that breakfast bar. It’s a long remainder of the ride, although she is as kind as possible.
    I beat feet into a ladies room, put the plastic bag in the trash, repaired as much damage as possible to face and self, and spent the rest of the day freezing because I had to fold the jacket in on itself and go around in my sleeveless shell which had survived. I attended the whole day, but forever more, I’d make sure I was the first person downstairs for the bus and get a front row seat so I could watch the horizon…
    But the humiliation of endlessly upchucking into your laptop bag (and trying to do so quietly)… was balanced by her incredibly kind composure and treating it – as soon as she realized I was not contagious – matter of factly. That helped.

  340. Gumby*

    I injured my back while doing sports one evening and the doctor put me on pain meds and told me not to work for a couple of days because I shouldn’t be driving. I pointed out that I only lived half a mile from the office so I could totally just walk. The doctor looked skeptical but said ok as long as I didn’t operate heavy machinery.

    Turns out? After one vicodin I’m mostly normal just in less pain. After the second dose of the day I feel the need to go around *telling* everyone that I’m fine after one vicodin but somewhat loopy after the second. Finally, my manager interrupted me as I was telling yet another co-worker how I was maybe a little loopy to direct me towards a comfy chair to “rest.” I slept for a little bit and then he drove me home.

  341. Nacho*

    During my first job out of college, I didn’t understand how breaks worked. So for about a month or so, I was skipping my breaks and going home early. Eventually, my manager asked me what was going on and let me know that I had scheduled breaks I was supposed to take, and couldn’t just move them to the end of the day.

  342. Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh*

    Some things get funnier with time; others get more horrifying. 20+ years ago, I was a junior payroll clerk in Canada. We also gave info on our health insurance benefits. A common question was whether our insurance covered employees travelling to the US.

    One day, my boss had stepped out of the office and an employee came by. He asked we covered health care in the US, and I said yes. Fortunately (unlike me), Boss was a huge gossip. After she asked me just what I had told him, she explained that he wasn’t planning a vacation to the US. He was planning to take his wife to the Mayo Clinic. For cancer treatment.

    He was set straight about the insurance coverage later the same day.

  343. Haven't eaten yogurt since.*

    So, the pee story I can definitely relate to. I was at work in a call center a few years ago, and my stomach was really upset one day. I knew I was gonna throw up so I ran for the bathroom, but didn’t quite make it. Halfway there, I projectile vomited. It was orange as the last thing I had eaten was an orange flavored yogurt. (No, it wasn’t the yogurt that caused the upset.)

    I not only threw up in a very spectacular way, but being in my late forties at the time, I lost bladder control and peed my pants. This combination made me start crying. So, there I was, sitting in a chair with a wet bottom, looking at orange puke about three feet in front of me. My manager had been in the break room at the time, but the coward left and didn’t come back. A supervisor from another project helped me.

    Needless to say, I haven’t had the urge to eat yogurt since and the janitor is still upset with me. (Sorry if this story grosses anyone out.)

  344. Running Grass*

    I had been working for this company for two months. The building was roughly 100 years old and there was a 20 year old security system installed but we didn’t use it. There were various emergency buttons that looked like old school doorbell throughout the building. One of my reports and I were talking about 30 minutes before we closed when I dared her to push it. She pushed it. Despite us not using the alarm system, a loud screeching sound went off. The wires to the alarm had to be cut for it to stop. Boyfriend had to come down and cut them. I was pregnant and he was afraid I would electrocute myself plus my boss had me call the owner who lived an hour away and couldn’t help. I still cringe as it was brought up in my review. :/

  345. SMHLaw*

    First day of an internship as a law student. I had only started drinking coffee that school year and didn’t realize how dependent I was. Showed up assuming there would be an opportunity for coffee-drinking. There was not. Instead the office launched into a long and boring PowerPoint presentation on the work we would be doing WITH THE LIGHTS OFF. I kept dozing off and could not control it as hard as I tried. Finally it was over and I raced outside for sunshine and caffeine at lunch. No one ever mentioned it so I don’t know if anyone noticed but I was mortified!

  346. Teacher Muppet*

    Split my pants on a job interview. It was for a preschool position and they had me in the room so they could observe me with the kids. I was wearing kind of old khaki pants with no stretch in them and sat down in the tiny preschool room chair, and the crotch split. Stood up very carefully, continued the interview, and no one even noticed. I got the job, too.

    I’ve also spilled my tea on myself multiple times during lectures, which is always fun in a room full of college students.

  347. vand*

    Two Stories:
    1.) Not long after returning from maternity leave, I was at work for a meeting and one of the men in the room kept staring at my chest. I was thinking he was a perv the whole time and left the meeting feeling pretty entitled to my anger. I had to go pump a little after that and when I went to the pumping room and took off my regular bra, a pacifier fell out from between my breasts. Apparently, it had been lodged in there all morning and I was in such a new parent brain fog that I didn’t even notice.

    2.) My company moved to a brand new building a few years ago. We were in our huge meeting space having an all-office meeting and the company president was speaking. I was standing by the sink and saw a shiny silver button on the counter that I’d never noticed before. Well, what does one do with shiny buttons but push them? Turns out it was the garbage disposal. It turned on and then I couldn’t get it to turn back off. The entire meeting (about 250 people) stopped while I kept pushing that damn button and trying to get it to turn off. It finally did but not before the entire room was laughing. Never lived that one down.

  348. lokilaufeysanon*

    When I was in the Army and deployed to Afghanistan, I walked back into the building I worked in after dinner and managed to trip up a set of two stairs. I used one hand to shield my fall so my face wouldn’t hit the stair and I used the other to prevent the M16 I had strapped on my back from hitting the back of my head. There were two witnesses to this glorious event and thankfully, we were all able to laugh it off.

  349. Onyx*

    Once I was supposed to present at a meeting and I connected my laptop to the projector so I could project my portion of the meeting. Of course my computer chose that moment to start acting up. It froze and randomly started playing a movie I had downloaded on a recent business trip. The visuals weren’t showing up but the opening soundtrack was blasting through the room of men. The movie? Magic Mike. I learned never to download a movie on a work computer again.

  350. MrsFillmore*

    More of a narrow escape from embarrassing moment but posting because it literally happened while I was reading the thread! At the airport, waiting to board red eye home after long week at major annual conference in my field. Stood up to use bathroom when boarding started and realized pregnancy nausea was hitting hard. Juuuuust made it to toilet in time and there are A LOT of my professional contacts taking this flight back to DC. Needless to say, it’s been a long week.

  351. Princesa Zelda*

    Oh boy, I have two, and they’re doozies:

    1) When I was 18, I moved across the country for an internship. I got there the morning of my first day, which went well. On the second day, I set my alarm for two hours before I was expected to be there. I woke up ten minutes before.
    The trainer was understanding, but I was absolutely mortified.

    2) First, backstory: I walk with a limp because of a high school sports injury. This injury also makes it extremely easy to put my ankle out of commission. When I worked in a bakery in a big-box store in rural Arizona, I would often walk to work at around 2am, giving me a nice cool me-time. Once, though. I stepped in an abandoned rattler nest and tumbled into a wash. Instead of taking a pleasant hour, my commute was a grueling 2.5-hour slog, partly crawled/walked on knees. When I finally got there, I could barely stand, let alone carry around dough and push around bread carts. My face and clothes were dirty and ripped. The manager on duty was understanding. My tardiness was excused in the system over my direct supervisors objections, and I was allowed to take an extra break when the store opened to buy new clothes. I still spent the first two hours of my work day in dirty, ripped clothes though, and every time a coworker walked by I wanted to melt into the floor.

  352. ValancyJane*

    My dad owns his own business, and I worked for him in high school as a sort of assistant to the secretary there. The toilet in the only bathroom was finicky and could back up and overflow. I was on the worst day of my period and flushed it wrong. Blood all over the bathroom carpet (who puts carpet in a bathroom btw?). In an office full of guys. The only other woman was the secretary who was older. Everyone knew it was me. For the rest of the day, every time I went to the bathroom to get a drink of water or what have you, the secretary warned me loudly to be careful with the flush. I was an awkward teenager and in agony. Still probably the most embarrassing day of my life.

  353. PushyBroad*

    I “married” my boss three months after I married my husband, and as of July, we’ll have been together 17 years. His wife even calls me his work wife. I’m the only member of his team that’s been with him from pretty much the beginning. I’m a senior manager, and he’s a corporate officer, but we are very close after working together so long, so I do get away with a lot, which is good.

    I’ve been top heavy my whole life, and finally I had to have a significant breast reduction. I saw my body when they changed my bandages, and my new tatas were the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, even with all the stitches and drains. This was major surgery so I was on a morphine drip. For some unknown reason, my husband thought it would be fine, just fine, if he let me have my cell phone while I was stoned out of my skull.

    It’s good that my boss and I are close, because apparently, he was my first call post-surgery. He knew what I was having done – it’s not something I’d be able to hide and I was out of work for a few weeks – but I don’t think he was ready for a call like this:

    Him: Hey, how are you doing? I’m surprised [Hubby] let you have your phone.
    Me: (slurring badly) I made him gimme it. I hadda call you. I quit.
    Him: You what?
    Me: (enunciating carefully). I. QUIT.
    Him: …Wait… what?
    Me: I juss gotta look at my new girls and they are FREAKING HOT. I don’t needa work for you annymore. Me anna girls gonna go work at HOOTERS.
    [sounds of choking laughter coming through the speaker as my hubby realizes his mistake and grabs for my cell phone]

    Don’t think this hasn’t been mentioned a time or two in seventeen plus years together.

  354. Anonymuz*

    I once got stuck in the toilet at work – the stall had a dodgy lock and it got stuck. Eventually someone had to bust the door open to get me out. Probably more funny than embarrassing but I’m still paranoid about getting stuck in the loos at work to this day lol

  355. Quinalla*

    I have really, really bad night vision and I think is related but my eyes adjust from bright to dark slower than others too, just to put these story in perspective.

    I was coming back from lunch with my new boss (maybe been there a couple weeks?) and we came in our back door. It was bright and sunny outside and the back entrance is a dark stairwell so I really couldn’t see and had only used it once before. It has maybe 6 or so steps to a landing to either continue up the stairwell or a single step to another landing that sits outside of our door and also contains a valve for the giant fire protection pipe there. I made it up the first set of stairs fine, but then tripped up the step to the landing and dropped my keys. If that wasn’t, I bent down to get my keys and ran my face into the fire protection valve and my nose starts bleeding.

    I think the funniest part was my boss was way, way more concerned and flabbergasted and embarrassed for me than I was. I run into stuff in the dark all the time, so for me, it was annoying and a bit embarrassing, but not too big of a deal. I think he was about ready to call 911 or something, it was just a nose bleed. Was fun having to be the one to soothe him when I was the one injured, LOL.

  356. just a reporter*

    During an interview at the interviewee’s house, I was having a great conversation with them and their wife as they showed me their artwork — and my period started. And it was heavy enough that I knew my pants were going to be soaked soon, so I had to quickly wrap up the interview and basically run out of their house.

    I think it surprised them with the sudden rush, but I had no tampons! At that point, I drove straight home (a whopping hour drive). They were both super nice people but I’m happy our paths have never crossed again.

  357. Another worker bee*

    I travel to Canada often for work (from the US, by air). About nine months prior to this incident, I had my passport renewed. When the new passport came in the mail, the old, now expired passport came with it, and like a dummy, I didn’t get rid of the old passport and put the envelope with BOTH OF THEM back in my fireproof drawer. Fast forward to this trip – I grab my passport as I am packing, double check that I have it several times because I’m a nervous traveler, go to the airport, deal with security and wait at the gate for almost an hour. As we board the plane, the gate agent is verifying our passports and as he looks at mine, he says “Ma’am, this has been expired for almost a year now, you will not get through customs in Canada with this, so we can’t let you board this plane”. All the blood drained out of my face as I realized what I had done. Thankfully the airline booked me on a later flight with no penalty and my boss was totally understanding about me missing 3/4 of the first day, but I was so mortified – one of the dumbest mistakes I have ever made.

  358. greenbeanies*

    I’m here with a fart story.

    I was in a short, very narrow space with my boss because we needed to look at a phone/networking cabinet (I worked in IT at the time). To access and review the wiring in this cabinet, we had to stand pretty close together in this tight space. My stomach was rumbling ominously. I should have excused myself then but thought I could hold in whatever wanted to get out. You can probably guess what happened. My body had other ideas, and out came a silent but HORRIBLE fart. It was terrible. I’m surprised it wasn’t visible in the air as a green fog. I didn’t know what to do and instead of saying “I’m so, so sorry, I’m not feeling well, please excuse me” and running the eff away, I JUST STOOD THERE and kept listening to my boss talk.

    When the fog reached him, he stopped, paused for what felt like minutes, and then made a noise of utter disgust. So I started talking like nothing had happened, like we weren’t both enveloped in my fart.

    He ended up getting fired for incompetance several months later. I can only assume this fart damaged part of his brain.

  359. Ely*

    I was traveling for work with the Big Boss. I hadn’t slept well the night before (trying to finish up work related to the trip), and we had to catch an early train. I am especially prone to motion sickness, and there are very few things that work well for me. Lots of things make it worse, including stress, not sleeping, not eating well, trying to read while moving, etc. So, I cab to the train station. Skip breakfast. Take a 3 hour train ride with him next to me so I don’t sleep. Read my binder so that I look industrious. We get out and he is ready to cab to the ultimate destination. I suggest maybe we take just 10 minutes to… stand on solid ground? and he said he was worried we would be late. So we got in the cab, and halfway there I roll the window down as far as I can (which is only like 1/3 of the way) and vomit out the side of the cab.

    Cab driver is horrified. I am horrified and still vomiting. We get out early, we walked the rest of the way, stopping at a drugstore on the way to get a toothbrush. I may never recover my how horrifying this was for me.

  360. TrueStory*

    I was responsible for preparing for a major quality system audit, and the managers at my very toxic company were not cooperating with me. They were also dishonest and unethical, and I was being pressured to “fudge” evidence in order to pass the audit. I had recently read an article recommending, as a coping skill, writing down your frustrations privately and then destroying the paper – kind of a venting exercise. I took a copied page from the audit standard and wrote notes in the margins, like, “Kyle doesn’t do his job,” “Jim is worthless,” and “Michael is a snake”, then I ripped it into tiny shreds and threw it in my trash can. It just so happened that Kyle’s wife had been hired to clean the offices at night, and Kyle often helped her. To cut costs, they transferred trash by hand from our individual trash cans into larger ones without changing the bags. Apparently, Kyle saw his name on a shred of paper in my trash, and went to the trouble of reassembling all the shreds to read what I’d said about him. The next day, I was called into the general manager’s (Jim’s) office, where the shreds of my note were assembled on the desk in front of him. I was accused of plotting to sabotage the audit by pointing out Management’s shortcomings to the auditor. I had a fit about Kyle digging through my trash, so HR scheduled a second meeting during which I had to sit at a table with Michael, Kyle, and Jim, and explain what I had written. Looking at those assembled shreds of paper in the middle of the table was the most mortifying moment of my working life.

    I did get some satisfaction out of that meeting by repeatedly reminding Kyle that he had picked through my trash (essentially calling him a trash picker) until he was enraged. I met with a recruiter the next day and left that horrible company a few months later.

  361. TANSTAAFL*

    Back around 1989, I was working as a regional marketing support representative for a very large international electronics and office equipment company. My responsibilities included providing training on our line of word processors to our office equipment dealers and occasionally to help them with important client presentations. I was booked for a presentation at a dealer’s office I had been to many times. The staff there did NOT know how to operate our equipment, and I was unsuccessful in convincing the owner to allow his one qualified staff member to learn. So, he really needed my help for this demonstration for a potential large client.

    The same time, a young woman, who was a friend of my best friend, was staying with me for a long weekend since she was in the area on business and wanted to see NYC, where I lived. This appointment was about an hour away near Trenton, NJ and scheduled for 9am, but no problem, I booked a hotel room nearby the dealer for the night before which was customary for that type of appointment.

    My young friend had heard about a drag queen cabaret about 25 miles from where we were staying for the appointment, and I foolishly agreed that we should check it out. Late. Really really late. We drank, enjoyed the drag shows, drank some more, called our mutual friend from the club, danced and drank some more. Somehow, we got back to the hotel room alive, drunk and very late, maybe 4am. I got in bed and the room was spinning.

    Flash forward, the phone rings. I pick it up, and hang up the receiver thinking it’s my wake up call. But I’m still really buzzed. I fall back asleep. Phone rings again, I hang up again and go back to sleep. Phone rings again and someone starts talking right away. I glance at the clock. It’s about 10:30 am and my client is on the phone asking where I am. I made up a lame excuse about being sick and booked it out of there to go back home.

    I was made sure that I made it to all future appointments at this dealer’s office promptly and provided over the top service and support. I was mortified every time, though.

  362. CausedaScene*

    I accidentally cut my finger on a rotary blade within the first month at my first office job. It was just a tiny nick and I went to the bathroom to clean it up but suddenly I felt really woozy. Someone next to me asked if I was okay and I turned to look to see who it was and fainted. The person caught me before I hit the ground and took me out of the bathroom onto a couch and called 911.

    We were on the second floor so the FD ended up causing a huge scene taking the elevator up to where I was. I had woken up by the time they got there. I had felt completely fine at this point. Someone went to get me a bandaid and since our office was relatively new (approx 1 year old) everything was still shrinkwrapped. When they told me they called emergency services I burst into tears because I was so embarrassed.

    The person who caught me… ended up being our Director. I hadn’t met her yet. So that was quite a first impression.

    I still work for the same company but in a different department and county. My incident is immortalized as safety note #57, always put the safety guard on cutting/slicing equipment. Whenever I return to my old office for meetings people recognize me for that incident (It has been 5 years!)

  363. alyraeschiff*

    I was speaking to several members of my NGOs board of directors, several of whom happened to be priests. We were discussing how well a politician had been doing in the press lately, and that her physical appearance had improved as well. I was saying I liked her new haircut: “a great blunt cut.” Only I switched the “bl” and the “c”. Yes, I said the c-word in front of several priests and the chair of my board.

  364. Slartibartfast*

    I am so lat to the party, but I have to share.

    I was working as a vet tech, and we had a gorgeous exuberant bloodhound puppy come in. He was only 10 months old but already well over 100 lbs. I was weighing him for his visit, and the scale was in the lobby. He jumped up on me and somehow managed to hook his dewclaws in my waistband. The owner pulled him back, and took my pants down with him. Even better, he got my underwear too. I mooned a lobby full of clients.

  365. tomatotomaaahto*

    A few weeks ago I fainted at work. It was before 8 AM and I was all alone in my office… but when I woke up I stumbled into the adjacent office and told my coworkers that I’d fainted. My coworkers insisted on my going to the hospital (no brain tumors or heart problems, it’s a mystery!). I’m a fairly young professional and the youngest person by far in my office – it was pretty embarrassing but everyone was very understanding.

    I also invited a donor to a “luncheonson” – they hung up on me and didn’t come. This was within the first week of my first post-graduation job.

  366. Ugh*

    At my job as a CS rep at an art museum, I gave a survey to my estranged aunt and cousins. She recognized me from my name badge. I’d never met her in my life, but we had an awkward introduction right across the lobby from the front desk, where my coworkers watched. One of them came over to give aunt a “reunion gift” of one of our cloth tote bags.

    I was supremely rattled. Didn’t even hear from that aunt ever again, either. I can’t wait until I forget that moment.

  367. Editor*

    In my second or third career when I was in my fifties, I was reporting for a rural newspaper and doing a barn tour as part of the prep for a long business profile of a family dairy farm. We were in the milkhouse looking at the bulk tank when the family member invited the photographer and me to climb up the metal ladder steps on the side of the tank and look in. The photographer went up and came back down, looking impressed.

    I demurred, but the farm guys are all, “no, you should take a look.” So I lift my leg to climb and my knee gets stopped by the skirt I was wearing, a light tan cotton knit A-line, my toe slips off the rung 18 inches off the floor, and hits the plug below the ladder. Milk starts gushing out the bottom of the tank through the three-inch wide drain. Two farmers dive for the drain to refasten the plug, and it isn’t cooperating. The photographer and I back away, but not before my skirt front and legs are drenched with milk. Finally the gusher stops. The guys hand me some paper towels, I blot the skirt front dry, and finish the interview, apologizing all the time. After an hour, we’re done talking and touring and the skirt is dry enough for me to get to the office.

    At work, I tell the story to my co-workers, rinse off my legs and rinse out part of the skirt, and sit down to write the article — which never mentions how I sent gallons of product down the milkhouse drain. Six or seven hours later, after I had done all the other writing, editing, and production tasks I had for that day and the presses were rolling, I left the office, drove for an hour to get home, shed the clothes that smelled like curdled milk, and dove into the shower.

    For a couple of years I felt embarrassed every time I ran into a member of that family at school, business, and community events, and I was always grateful they recalled it as being funny. To this day I am still mortified because I am too much of a rural kid at heart not to wonder how much cash I flushed away for a newspaper article.

  368. Sandi D*

    I was 22 and new to the working world, answering phones in an office. A client called for my boss, who was away at the time so I offered to take a message. The caller gave me his phone number, followed by an extension that was five or six digits long. I must have made an audible reaction because he responded with, “Yeah, I’m just a little guy here,” and I answered with, “Well for a little guy, you sure have a big extension!” GAH!!!

  369. La Croix*

    This is not an embarrassing story (at least not for me) but is so funny that I have to share. I work for local government, and was joining a regional conference call that included staff from many counties and also a some high-ranking state officials.
    I dialed the number, and did not reach the QA regional call but rather an “adult” phone line. Yep. Thinking I’d misdialed, I started to dial again, and that was when the “reply all” emails started rolling in from other counties. One of them stated, “Hello, Unable to teleconference with 1-866-XXX-XXXX. States it is “America’s hottest talk line”. Does anyone have the correct phone number please?”
    The hosting party apologized and sent out the corrected number (which I think was 800 instead of 866), and we all carried on with the call. But I and my co-workers had a good laugh over it, especially since QA regional conference calls are normally… quite dry, to say the least. To this day, I wonder if it was a prank, although probably not since the numbers were so similar.

  370. La Croix*

    Ok, one more funny colleague error…perhaps embarrassing for her, but not me. I used to have a job where I did HUD housing inspections for subsidized vouchers. Some of my colleagues conducted pre-inspections to in order to find and address problems before the “official” inspection.
    One of these pre-inspections noted that the “cocking” in the bathroom was damaged. Yes, that’s a creative spelling of “caulking.”

  371. Travel_mug*

    Let me tell you a tale.

    It was my first ever office. I was very excited. It was large office that I shared with another person, but it had an incredible view and its own bathroom with a SHOWER! I thought this was the best thing ever, and had visions of being able to jog to work, shower and change in my office bathroom, and start the day. I was really excited.

    On Friday evening at the end of my first week, I was the last one to leave because I wanted to tie all my loose ends up and was trying to do a stellar job since I was new. Alone in the office, I decided- now is the perfect time to turn on the shower and make sure it works, so that I can start my new jog-to-work habit on Monday morning!

    I turn on the faucet. Water! It’s pouring out the faucet at the bottom. I’m pulling the knob to try to get it to come out of the shower head, and it sort of works.. but there is still quite a lot of water pouring out of the faucet. It’s a stand up shower with a short ledge so I’m getting concerned that it will start flooding the room soon. I go to turn it off and… it won’t turn off! The handle spins freely, and the water doesn’t stop! By now, the water is flooding over the ledge. The bathroom is flooding. The water is starting to flood out into the office space.

    Have you ever tried to reach building maintenance on a Friday evening? They were pissed. And kept asking me why I turned it on to begin with.

    As a separate issue, my husband is built like a linebacker (just a giant person) and he has broken literally dozens of chairs and also shattered multiple glass doors closing them.

  372. Crafts*

    I pooped myself.

    Really. I had my own office and my belly was rumbling… I thought I could just *let out some air* and get back to work; my manager at the time was very aggressive and always seemed to think we were all wasting time by doing things like going to the bathroom, walking to the printer, getting a cup of coffee… so yeah, I pooped myself. I immediately realized my mistake and ran to the bathroom, where I had to throw out my underwear. And then, I had to tell my boss I was having a personal emergency and had to drive all the way home to shower and change. I wanted to die.

    Turns out, a new medicine I had started was what caused it. Pretty hilarious now, but not so much at the time.

  373. Vauxhall Prefect*

    I’d flown halfway around the world to live overseas for a couple of years and was job hunting. A couple of days after arriving I had an interview with a company in my industry in the heart of the city and was pretty excited for it. I turned up nice and early and was pretty impressed by the local area (just a block away from Buckingham Palace!) and the impressive modern building.

    After taking the lifts to the companies reception level there was a glass walkway that led over to the reception desk, and I guess I was looking around a little at the building through the glass walls as I headed over. Since I completely failed to notice that it wasn’t just a corridor, there was a glass door at the end before actually reaching reception! I walked straight into it and must have caused quite a noise, since the receptionist came running over to check I was okay.

    She got some first aid items and I went to clean up, determined to carry on with the interview. From that point I have no idea how the interview itself went beyond knowing that I didn’t get the job. By the end of the day I had a golfball sized bump on my forehead and no memory of anything for a couple of hours from heading to the bathroom onwards.

    1. Vauxhall Prefect*

      I should say that there was a less embarrassing part two to the story though. I almost felt like that incident cursed me, and took several months looking for work after that (though more realistically a few months out of work for personal reasons before moving country was probably the bigger reason). I travelled about Britain for a bunch of interviews, getting to the final section for a bunch and never quite making it. Funds were getting low and I started to think I’d need to head back to my home country without actually working in England as planned.

      Despite them being the largest employer in my industry within London itself, I had tended to avoid applying again at the company where I smashed my forehead into the wall. But eventually I applied for a job in a different part of the company and nailed it. They’d been unsure about my CV (to the extent they suggested I change it after I was hired), but apparently were incredibly impressed by my work on a practical exercise they set. I went on to work there for the rest of my stay and had a great time, and ended up with them all remembering me as contributing a lot before I headed back home when my Visa expired.

      As a footnote, I at one point went looking for the reception area where I smacked my head in the first place. They’d totally redesigned the area and painted over quite a bit of the glass. So I was able to safely reassure myself that I wasn’t going to half-concuss myself on a door again during my employment. :)

  374. Sara(h)*

    This is work-related, but happened outside of work. I was working at a natural foods store stocking shelves when I broke a big bottle of soy sauce, which fell off an upper shelf and shattered gloriously, covering me and the whole aisle in soy sauce.
    I went home to change, and for some reason that I cannot remember, I stepped out onto our house’s (somewhat private) patio in my bra and underwear — maybe to hose myself off. Well, the door closed and locked behind me! So there I am, locked out of my house in nothing but my soy-sauce stained underwear.
    Somehow I managed to stack recycling crates, climb to a second-floor window, and get inside, seemingly undetected, and miraculously without falling and breaking my neck. I was in my early 20s and very modest, don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found a way in!

  375. 'Tis me*

    Possibly when I wasn’t very well, had carefully mentally talked myself through the steps required to walk somewhere – and then somebody held a door open for me and that meant I didn’t need to open it any more, and while trying to quickly redirect myself on how to just walk through an open door, I fell over instead… The guy told the first-aider and she persuaded me to call my husband to come take me home.

    That or my sneezes… They not infrequently surprise me so I can’t do anything to suppress them and then they rip out sounding a lot like somebody shrieking at the top of their voice…

  376. thatgirlsally*

    Not so embarrassing for me but..

    I used to work at small non-profit that had board members around the country. The only way the board could meet, was via conference calls. So it was time for our quarterly meeting. Everyone was slowly joining the call and one board member forgot to mute her line and she was apparently dropping her dog at the groomer. We heard the following..

    Her: He really needs his butt trimmed and anal glands expressed. Be sure to clean them very well.
    **Now I know what this means because I have had to do this to a dog. But other people didn’t and were like WTF are you doing**

  377. Mona Lisa Vito*

    Three weeks into my first professional job and I was on a team of ladies who all dressed in a way that was both very nice-looking and very expensive. Tailored dresses, expensive heels, the whole nine yards. One day in the office cafeteria, a person I hadn’t met yet came up to me and whispered, “You need to tie your blazer around your waist.” I was confused and she just whispered, “Your dress split! Just do it!” My dress had completely split from my waist to the hem and was literally being held together by two threads. Thong underwear, because fancy ladies avoid VPL. So I awkwardly escape the cafeteria with my blazer tied around my waist (looking very cool and put-together), run to an Ann Taylor across the street and accost the first salesperson I find with, “I need a size twelve black dress and I need to wear it out of here!” Tried to play it off with my team as “my zipper broke!” though looking back I don’t know why I thought that was a better excuse. That was seven years ago and I’m still haunted. And I never figured out who it was who saved me in the cafeteria, even though I worked there for more than three years! They were just classy enough to never bring it up again, I guess!

  378. it's-a-me*

    My coworker and friend once leaned directly down to my ear and said in a normal volume voice “Are you free later for dinner?”

    She said it directly into my headset microphone.

    Cue me frantically flailing at her to go away and trying to maintain a calm tone and explain to the confused customer ‘sorry about that it was my coworker talking to me’ – he thought *I* was asking *him* out, never mind that I had just a few minutes ago asked him for his wife’s name and started creating a profile for them.

  379. Incognito*

    I work for a provincial government in Canada in the realm of international trade agreements. I was travelling with my grand boss for the first time (a very esteemed individual who had worked on several big trade negotiations) and I wanted to make a good impression. Given that we were on the same plane and going to the same destination, I assumed we had the same itinerary. When we got off our initial flight and we ended having a great chat while waiting for our second flight…unfortunately we were booked on DIFFERENT flights to the final destination for some reason. I missed my flight, while my grand boss boarded. I was able to get rebooked onto a later flight which would still let me make all the meetings…until the replacement flight was cancelled due to mechanical issues and the next open flight was TWO days away. I ended up getting on a bus at midnight, getting to the city I was supposed to be in at 4:00am, then making the first meeting at 6:00 am. Luckily, my boss was really kind about it but I was completely mortified.

  380. Gerry Stumbles*

    I froze, stammered, and was incoherent on a very brief presentation at a senior staff meeting. And I am part of the senior staff. I have no idea what went wrong; I blame it on lack of sleep for weeks due to a four month old at home, lack of preparation, a weird intro by the moderator with no bridge into my bit, who knows.

    It was humiliating and I’m still dealing with it mentally (happened two months ago), even though I’ve done successful public speaking since then.

  381. Josh416*

    Most embarrassing experience at work? While working at a relatively small contemporary art center in the USA, I was asked–point blank, with my boss, the Director, standing there–by a guest curator: “Are you queer?” (He’s from a former British colony, so “queer” does not carry quite the same connotation as in the USA.) Despite feeling taken aback, I replied “I am sorry, but that is not relevant to my job.” Rather then let the topic drop, he persisted, asking: “Well, do you suck c***?” My boss was, evidently more taken aback than I was, as he sat there with a dumb expression and said nothing. I replied, “You have crossed the line, and this conversation is over” — and I walked back to my office. Naturally, for the remainder of that guest curator’s stay, I kept my distance…

    1. Srah*

      Holy heck! For a minute there I thought he was going to redeem himself by explaining he meant “queer” as in “odd” or “feeling poorly” :( What an unprofessional jerk.

  383. Swri*

    At seven months pregnant, my OB asked me to do a 24-hour urine collection to test for protein. I didn’t want to skip work just for this, so I brought the plastic jug in a backpack to work and stashed it under the sink in the ladies’ room.

    Two hours later I’m in reception and there are police everywhere. The office manager pulls me aside and says they’re evacuating the floor because someone spotted a “suspicious backpack” in the restroom.

    I had to explain to six cops and the office manager that I was collecting a jug of my own pee.

  384. ThatAspie*

    Pulled a muscle in my knee. I’m sure you think that’s not embarrassing, but it is when you do it in front of a packed restaurant and part of your job involves a semblance of physical fitness! It’s also embarrassing when you then fall down because of it!

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