update: talking about my pregnancy at work when I’m placing the baby for adoption

by Alison Green on December 11, 2019

Remember the letter-writer looking for advice on how to talk about her pregnancy at work when she was planning to place the baby for adoption? Here’s the update.

I hope this letter finds you well. Your email about updates came a few days after I had gotten home from the hospital (I was way earlier in my pregnancy than I thought I was when I first wrote you), and I’m still on leave at the moment, so I can’t give you an update about coming back to work afterwards yet, but I can tell you how the pregnancy went!

I’m happy to report that everyone at work was absolutely lovely about the whole thing. I don’t think a lot of them really “got” why I made the decision I did, but if they had any negative feelings or impressions about, they kept it to themselves, for which I’m thankful. Overall, I received a really insane level of support and understanding from everyone. I told my manager the situation once it became clear that the pregnancy was healthy and viable. He was really great– asked if he could give me a hug and congratulated me and told me that whatever I needed from work, he would help make happen. I gave him the dates I would no longer be able to travel and told him I just wanted to go about work as normally as I could for as long as I could. He told me he would keep the situation private until he couldn’t anymore for scheduling purposes, and even then was very discreet about it. I am extremely grateful for him, he was really great about my pregnancy and the adoption situation, and treaded lightly whenever he was curious about how it was going.

I’m not sure I really took all the advice that was given, which was primarily to frame it as a surrogacy situation. I’m not good at obfuscating the truth, and my department has close enough interpersonal relationships that it wasn’t a sustainable solution, considering how much we work in teams and how much those teams travel together– though I did try it at least once! I figured people would take direction from me on how to treat it. I told my colleagues one by one until it hit a critical mass where pretty much everyone knew without me having to tell every last person, and framed it as a “private but not secret” thing. I didn’t give a ton of details to everyone like you advised, but answered (kindly worded) questions when they were asked and was more open with some people than others. Everyone was supportive and honestly, to my knowledge, mostly just ignored it. A few individuals in particular really went above and beyond for me– a project lead who went to bat for me to be kept on a project whose onsite portion was near my parents’ home so I could visit them (I did not ask her to do this), a colleague who organized a lunch for me before I went on leave, and a training manager who was a great sounding board and shoulder to lean on as I organized and dealt with everything. It was a really ideal outcome for a really sucky situation, and I am so grateful for the grace and kindness my office showed me, when I have heard of so many horror stories at other companies of it going the opposite way. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in the midst of an already difficult emotional atmosphere, so it was a big thing to me to have a supportive environment at work, whatever my decision ultimately ended up being. We’ll see how things go once I go back, and you never really know what’s going to happen, but based on how the nine months of pregnancy went, I’m not overly preoccupied.

I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl after a very smooth delivery and spent two and a half great days with her in the hospital. She and her parents (who I chose) are doing well– having the time of their lives, in fact. They send me regular pictures and updates, and although I know the frequency will likely taper off as the realities of life happen for all of us, I am at peace knowing my daughter is taken care of, adored, and loved the way I adore and love her, and that she is with people who have hoped and prayed for her and can give her all the things I wanted to but couldn’t. Her parents have been nothing but respectful and kind to me. She is a source of joy tinged with grief and sadness for me, and not having to keep her a secret has been, by far, the biggest help to healing and dealing I have had. (Plus, I’m still a proud mom, so I love to show off photos from the hospital and from the A-parents!) I have a great therapist, a supportive faith community, and a wonderful family who have taken great care of me, so although I don’t want to downplay the brutality of grief…I’m going to be okay. Mine was really as ideal as an adoption placement could be, truly, and I’m very aware of how blessed and fortunate I have been. I feel hopeful for the first time in a long, long time, and that’s about as great a gift as I can ask for.

I also am thankful to you for publishing my letter and for including someone who is well acquainted with adoption to offer additional advice. I’m also grateful for the commenters who offered additional advice and support. Your words may not have meant much to you, but they meant a lot to me. Thank you for choosing to be kind to me.

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{ 146 comments }

{ 146 comments… read them below }

  1. Even In an Emergency*

    OP, congratulations! I am so, so glad you are doing okay and everyone rallied to be good to you. I have had you in my thoughts and am so happy to hear this update. Congratulations!

    2. Mercurial*

      Yup, I am crying real tears here over how happy an update this is and the beauty in the situation. All the best OP, and hoping everything continues as perfectly as it has begun for your little girl xx

  7. ragazza*

    This is beautiful. While this is in many ways a tough situation, it sounds like you are handling it with grace, courage, and love. I’m so glad your workplace was a supportive place. Wishing you all the best.

  8. Jules the 3rd*

    Glad for this update! I know someone else who made the same decision you did, and their daughter is a happy 14yo now.

    Or at least, as happy as a 14yo gets.

    She still sees biomom and biodad, they are also doing well. I hope your long-term outcome is as good as theirs.

  9. Janet, Sower of Chaos*

    I’m so glad to hear you’re doing okay, or will be. I wish you and your daughter the very best, and I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  11. YouCanGoHomeAgain*

    What a wonderful update. I’m glad that things went as well as they did for all of you and I pray for peace and happiness for you.

  13. Mockingbird*

    Your letter is beautiful and now I have tears running down my face. Hugs and best wishes for all of you.

      1. Kate*

        I cried, too. LW, I think you’re brave, and I have nothing but respect for you. Thank you, too, for reminding me to remember that not every pregnancy follows the same rules, and to be gentle with everyone.

    2. Van Wilder*

      Everyone raise your hand if you’re crying at your desk!

      Congratulations, OP. Your story is an inspiration. I never knew anyone (that I know of) that gave a baby up for adoption and this gave me a lesson in how to be in the future.

  14. AppleStan*

    I am glad things went so much better than they could have been.

    Peace and blessings to you, that beautiful baby girl, and her family.

      1. WanderingAnon*

        Me as well. More internet hugs for the OP! Great to see that the OP has a support network and work colleagues who were respectful of boundaries. I think this just made my year…

  18. Funny In Other Ways*

    This has to be the loveliest updates I’ve ever read here. Thank you for sharing your experience so beautifully and showing us how a good, supportive workplace treats its employees.

  20. Maggie*

    Thank you so much for updating us, OP! I teared up reading this. Wishing you, your daughter, and her A-parents all the very, very best. Hugs.

  21. AnnaBananna*

    Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey with us. And I’m SO so glad that it’s working out well for all involved. <3

  22. Pidgeot*

    So happy this all worked out for you. You wrote – ‘Thank you for choosing to be kind to me’. Do not feel that you need to thank people for treating you like a decent human being – you deserve kindness and are entitled to love and support, no matter what, and I am so glad that you experienced it during your pregnancy.

    Have a wonderful holiday season and I wish you the best in the new year.

    1. Blarg*

      This is what I came to say, so let me reiterate. You deserve kindness, caring, and respect. If that is a choice we make (in some larger sense), it is not a difficult one.

      I was very moved by both your letters and am glad that you’ve had this best-case-in-a-crap-scenario outcome.

      May your future hold many great things for you, your daughter, and her family.

      1. Fieldpoppy*

        Me too. So grateful you are feeling so much care. Your letter made me weepy in the best “humans can be kind” way

    3. Grapey*

      It can still be like ‘counting your blessings’ to thank people for what should be default behavior. I thank people for holding doors. I thank cashiers when I have to interact with them. My husband and I thank each other for doing our chores (among other things) and it only adds to a feeling of gratitude and never takes away.

      (If it’s passive aggressive or forced, that’s another story)

  23. Stay-at-homesteader*

    OP, thank you so much for sharing. I’m really glad this went as well as it did, and I wish you nothing but peace and healing going forward.

  25. Miss Vicki*

    You have done a very brave and loving thing — may all the goodness you’ve put out into the world come back to you tenfold.

  27. Sandman*

    OP, I’m so glad that you and your daughter are doing so well. Best wishes for continued peace and healing.

  31. Hei Hei the Chicken from Moana*

    I might have some dust in my eyes. You are amazing, thank you for sharing this update and all the love in the world to you.

  32. Imakesigns*

    I’m not crying, you’re crying.

    (So, so happy for you, OP. What a wonderful update. Best wishes in the future!)

  36. bunniferous*

    So glad that everyone was so good to you during what was still a tough time. Grateful you have support now as well. You did a very selfless thing. Please take good care of yourself since as wonderful as the process went, this is still a loss for you. Wishing you love and continued peace.

  37. Retired but Read Religiously*

    It sounds like all the people in your environment were terrific, both individually and collectively. It still took a village….

  39. YarnOwl*

    I’m so happy to read such a great update from you, LW. I would think about your letter every once in a while and hope that things were going well for you. I’m so glad your coworkers were so kind and helpful and that you feel like you have the support you need to heal. You should be very proud of yourself; you did a very hard, very good thing.

  40. your favorite person*

    What a beautiful update! I’m crying happy tears for the woman, her baby, and the adoptive family. Such a difficult thing that was dealt with in the most respectful way by all involved. Props to your manager and co-workers for their support. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you continue to heal on your journey and wish you the best of luck.

  41. motherofdragons*

    Wiping away (happy!) tears for you, OP. You’ve faced an incredibly difficult situation with courage and grace. Thank you for letting us into your world and allowing us to support you in the small way that strangers on the internet can do. Wishing you every happiness in the years to come!

  42. a*

    I’m glad your office was so supportive of you – it must have been a very anxious time, and it’s nice when people can step up and relieve some of your worries. I hope that you have as much contact with your daughter and her adoptive parents as you need and want, and that your grief subsides over time.

  43. Anita Brayke*

    Wow…lw…You are an inspiration! You made an incredibly difficult decision, and appear to be handling all of this just amazingly. I admire the amazing amount of love you have for your daughter, such that you made the very difficult choice to let a childless couple adopt her. You are selfless and, well…like I said, an inspiration. I’m awed, and wish you a blessed life!

  44. XtinaLyn*

    OP, your letter made me misty. Thank you for updating us. It’s so nice to know that kind, helpful and supportive people really do exist in the workplace, and that you are fortunate enough to work with some.
    I hope you find peace and joy in your decision, and that you can celebrate the holidays with your family in whatever way best feeds your spirit.

  47. skunklet*

    obviously i had to cut an onion just at the moment I was reading this…

    what a wonderful update… as an adoptee, I know it takes a ton of courage and fortitude to surrender a child for adoption, you are absolutely to be commended.

  48. Suzanne*

    I’m touched and tearing up. Wow! What a gift you are to your baby, her a-parents, and all of us. Thank you for your heartfelt follow-up.

  49. Health Insurance Nerd*

    Whoa, it is SO dusty at my desk! LW, you are such a wonderful person, and your daughter is so lucky to have so much love in her life, wishing you all good things for the New Year and beyond!

  50. Eliza*

    Congratulations, OP! You are obviously a loving and kind mother, and it sounds like you chose your daughter’s parents well. I teared up reading your update. I’m so glad you have the support you need, and that your daughter is a bright and joyful spot in your life, albeit tinged with sadness. Sending you so many good wishes, and internet hugs if you want them.

  52. Not So NewReader*

    OP I am awed by the love I see in your writing and the love around you that you talk about. I wish all of you (you, your child and her adoptive parents) the best, always.

  53. Midwest Writer*

    I just want to say that I’m so happy to hear this update and that things are going as smoothly as possible. Please take care of yourself not just mentally and emotionally, but physically, as you continue to recover. Best wishes for you, your daughter and her new parents.

  54. 'Tis Me*

    How wonderful for your daughter to grow up knowing that it wasn’t that you didn’t want her – you wanted the best for her, and she has two mothers whose hearts are full of love for her. I am so glad that you’ve had the best possible outcome, and hope that you too are able to treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

    3. A. Ham*

      This update is amazing and I am so happy that it worked out in the best possible way for all involved! :-)

      I do want to gently point out that the OP did not specify that the a-parents of her baby are a straight couple. She could have THREE loving mothers, or two loving fathers (and an amazing birth mother). But whatever way you slice it it seems that the baby will be very very loved and that is what matters. :-)

  57. I AM a lawyer.*

    This is the first time I’ve ever gotten choked up reading AAM. What a beautiful, hopeful letter, OP. I’m so glad things went as well as they could have. Best wishes to you!

  59. Re'lar Fela*

    Well. It’s raining on my face. Do we have an award for best update of the year, because this one definitely wins!

    Thank you, OP, for sharing your beautiful update! All the best to you, your little girl, and her adoptive parents.

  60. L*

    This will likely be my favorite update of all time. I’m so happy to hear that this went as smoothly as possible for you and that you had such kind humans in your corner. And the way you speak of the adoption — yeah, I’m sobbing at my desk. I myself am adopted; my birth parents were young teenagers and it was a closed adoption. I have always had a lot of feelings about that, and have always said that had an open adoption been “a thing” when I was born, it would have basically resolved all of my uneasy feelings about things (did my birth parents love me? Was it hard for them to make the choice? Etc.). I hope that someday your daughter is able to read (or hear) your second-to-last paragraph. I am so happy for all of you involved and wish you every joy in life.

  61. gracak*

    Thanks for sharing. I have heard so many stories of closed adoptions and having the baby taken away within a matter of minutes. It’s so nice to hear a story where you’re allowed to bond, spend time in the hospital with her, know the parents and have your place in her life affirmed through pictures.

    I think having to keep it secret or pretend it didn’t happen is the hardest part of going through a difficult time. This is a good example of how it can be hard to share, but in return you might get love and support you weren’t expecting.

    1. Adoptive Mom*

      A closed adoption does not mean that a baby is whisked away soon after birth. It means that the parties involved in the adoption do not know the others’ identities and that the child’s placement is handled by a third party. While I adopted my child years ago, it was a closed arrangement by choice on both sides through a licensed agency. At the time, the agency noted that, if at any time while the child was a minor or after , information was requested or needed, they would facilitate the situation. My child’s original birth record is under seal by court order and a birth certificate with the names of my husband and me replace it. Once my child reached age 18, she was free to seek her biological family and vise versa. (I no longer have any skin in that game.)

      A closed adoption is not a cruel situation. It is simply private. My child spent time in the hospital with her birth mother. If she were to contact me now, I would welcome her.

  62. Hills to Die on*

    What a beautiful story and what a lucky little baby to have even more love in her life. I wish you peace and happiness. hugs.

  63. WellHiii!*

    Omigosh am glad to see I’m not the only one putting my workplace-issued box of tissues to good use! What a beautiful letter and outcome–OP am so so happy for you and all the best to you moving forward!

  64. Public Health Doc*

    This was the most beautiful update, and your courage and grace shone through in every word. All of the people in your life are lucky to have you, especially your baby her adoptive parents, and I’m so moved that your generosity and goodness was reflected back to you when you needed it most. May peace be with you, LW. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  65. Sara M*

    My friend and I are in our 40s. She was born and adopted in a very similar situation to what you describe in your letter. She always knew she was adopted, and says by the time she was about 13, she really understood her birth mom’s situation, and why birth mom gave her to another family, etc. here’s hoping your daughter has a wonderful life too!

  66. Tessa*

    As someone who adopted earlier this year, and who worries so much that our birth mom is ok, I am so happy to read this update.

  67. Adoptee*

    OP,
    I am so happy this worked out well for you, and this is making me cry at my desk.
    I was adopted at birth because my birth mother was not in a position to be a parent. I always knew I was adopted, my parents and I have had some contact with my birth mother over the years. I grew into an adult (I’m almost 30 now) who knew how much I was loved and have had a life beyond my birth mother’s wildest dreams. While I can’t imagine your conflicting emotions in this moment, I hope hearing from an adoptee might help remind you in times when the grief is hard how amazing and selfless a decision you made. I know I can’t fully express the gratitude I feel for my birth mother and I hope knowing there’s at least one person out in the world like your daughter who had an amazing love-filled childhood will help keep you hopeful in the years ahead.

  68. Adoptive Mom*

    Someone else made the same decision as yours and my husband and I were blessed to have an infant girl become part of our family. I never forget that another one woman’s decision to have other people parent her child brought sadness and loss to her and great joy to us. Our adoption was closed (her choice and ours) so I cannot thank her directly. Instead I will pass along my gratitude to you for the joy you gave to another family.

  70. Katherine*

    I was so happy to read this, OP. Happy to hear about all the support you received, happy to think of the wonderful gift you gave to the adoptive parents, and happy to see you working through your grief so productively and positively. You’re really an inspiration. Best of luck in the new year.

  71. SisterSpooky*

    Hi OP, I’m an adoptive mom who is at Disneyland right now celebrating my son’s 5th birthday along with his birth mom and dad (now married). I don’t know what your agreement is with your daughter’s parents, but if you plan on staying in contact, I hope you’re able to build what we have together, which is an extended family built around the love we have for this child. His parents are family to me. You are important in your daughters life and I truly hope that role is honored throughout her life. Good luck on your journey. There’s a lot of support groups on Facebook for birth parents, if that’s something you would benefit from.

  73. BeckySuz*

    What a wonderful update. OP, what a lovely thing you’ve done for your daughter and her new parents. I’m so glad everyone was kind to you. I hope you show yourself the same kindness and compassion, and know that a bunch of internet strangers are rooting for you.

  74. Bridget*

    Congrats, OP! What a wonderful update. Wishing you a lots of peace during your healing time and a smooth transition back to work.

  75. Quill*

    Congratulations! Wishing you and your daughter the best and though I’m sure her parents have told you this, they were so indescribably lucky for you to bring your daughter into their lives.

  76. Jess*

    I’m actually tearing up a little reading this update – what a beautiful resolution to the situation, and how lovely to hear about how GOOD people can be.

  77. Alice's Rabbit*

    OP, you are awesome, and I’m so glad you have such supportive people in your life. Congratulations on your little girl, and thank you for letting another family love her, too.

  78. WolverineMom*

    Alison, if you’ve ever considered taking a nice, long, glorious break from posting, maybe this is the year. Because if this was the last post I saw for 2019, I would be satisfied. Nothing else could possibly top this update for giving joy and hope to a year that has been cruelly short of both quantities.

  80. Elizabeth West*

    I thought about this one from time to time and I’m glad to hear this update. OP, you did a beautiful thing for your daughter and I’m glad you have such a wonderfully supportive workplace.

  82. Jean (just Jean)*

    OP, I agree with every other comment. The world needs people like you–for your positive energy and for your example of deeply considered, ethical behavior. May your strength of character continue to sustain you and may you find much happiness in the future, however you define it. Your actions reinforce my belief that people are capable of making really good, helpful choices.

  83. I coulda been a lawyer*

    This is about the sweetest thing I’ve ever read. Best of everything to you OP – and thank YOU for trusting us to be kind and for the opportunity to learn from you.

  86. Nicole*

    This is a wonderful update. I was adopted and can’t even begin to imagine how challenging it is to be a birth mother, but I’m thankful every day for mine and the choices that she made. You’ve done a beautiful thing for your daughter’s family.

  87. JJ Bittenbinder*

    I don’t think I’ve ever read such a gracious and lovely letter on this site.

    OP, you’re a wonderful person. Best of everything to you.

  88. Poppy the Flower*

    Congrats to OP and I’m glad everything worked out as well as possible!

    Allison, thought you should know there is an AT&T ad that becomes full screen after a minute or so of reading.

  90. I'd rather be snuggling my cat*

    Oh, OP. I wish you, your daughter, and her new family only good things in life. You’ve been through so much and handled such a sad situation with so much love and grace. Thank you for sharing your story and for being such a beautiful example of making the best out of the situation you’re in.

    1. What The Fork Is A Chidi*

      My eyes are filled with tears. There are good people in the world (obviously, including you OP)

    2. What The Fork Is A Chidi*

      Ok, I really don’t know why my messages end up as a reply. I go straight to the bottom of the thread. No idea what’s happening here

  92. Terrysg*

    Congratulations on a safe pregnancy and delivery, and for making the best arrangements you could for your little girl.

  93. Constance Lloyd*

    OP, thank you for trusting us with your story and for sharing an update. I am so glad you have a supportive community around you. I speak now not as a birth mother but as a fellow survivor of sexual assault: Please be kind and loving to yourself. I know how I treated myself in the earlier stages of healing, and I’m sure there is nothing I can say that your therapist hasn’t said better, but please know this internet stranger thinks of you often and wishes you all the best.

  94. I don’t post often*

    I love this update!!! I’m so glad and thankful your office was supportive. You are an awesome person. I wish you all the best!

  95. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

    Thank you for updating us. It’s so good to hear that you and your baby are doing well. Wishing you all the best, you deserve it!

  97. Fish girl*

    You know, I didn’t even think about how being open about the adoption to everyone has enabled you to heal and process even better. I’m sure that when you return to work, it will be so much easier to be able to talk about and show pictures of your daughter to coworkers instead of pretending that nothing happened.

    I also wanted to say that I’m pretty similar in being bad at lying, obfuscating, and/or hiding the truth of situations. My face is an open book. Having the opportunity to be completely open and honest about hard situations bring me much more peace than constantly worrying how to cover the hard parts up. (Not to say that it’s wrong to do those things! I’m just terrible at it and it brings my more stress!) It took a lot of bravely to speak to your manager and coworkers about this and I will definitely be stealing the phrase “private but not secret” for my future hard conversations. Best of luck

    1. Agile Phalanges*

      Agree that “private but not secret” is a great phrase and status for things like this. It can mean, in OP’s example, that maybe if a new colleague starts and asks why she’s on leave, they can be told (as it’s not a secret) but also explained that it’s not necessarily something she wants to talk about a lot, and to follow her lead when she returns. It’s a succinct explanation for a lot of situations a lot of people deal with–illness, family struggles, divorce, etc. “It’s not a secret, but I don’t really want to talk about it, especially at work” sort of things.

      OP, thank you for the update, and I’m so glad things are going so well for you with the adoption placement, though of course there are many emotions involved. Best wishes to you and the adoptive family for the future, and I hope things continue to go smoothly at work, but it sounds like a great environment. And also echoing the recommendation to be as kind to yourself as you can, as well.

  98. Paperdill*

    Thank you for the update, OP. I am shedding tears over here, for you. What an incredible story. Where ever you are, I’m sending you waves of good vibes and wishing you and your workplace, your daughter and the A-parents all the very best. I just want to give you a hug.

  99. tinybutfierce*

    This is such a wonderful update! I’m so, so glad things went so well for you and your workplace was so supportive. Sending you, your daughter, and the A-parents all the love and support.

  100. caseykay68*

    This is just such a lovely update. So powerful when we can be honest with ourselves and co-workers. Seek support when we need it, and make decisions. You are an amazing young woman and I wish all the good things for you.

    I didnt remember the original letter and went back to read it and am even more impressed by your resilience to work through the situation. Bravo to all of you.

  101. agnes*

    Thank you for this update. I am so happy for how it turned out for you and your daughter. Choosing what is best for your child is a act of amazing love. I wish you well.

  102. Not a Morning Person*

    I am crying as I write this; you made a difficult choice and I am so happy it worked out well for you and your daughter. I am also very happy that you will continue to be surrounded by supportive colleagues when you return to work. I wish you all the best.

  104. YoungTen*

    For the first time reading AAM, I want to cry. Thank you for this update. Your work environment is amazing.

  105. UKReader*

    Congratulations on incubating, birthing and finding a place in the world for a tiny human! That is no mean feat, and I’m glad to hear you yourself are also being loved and taken care of.

    Am relieved to be working from home and crying into my cat.

  106. CupcakeCounter*

    So I am nearly in tears after reading this update. I did comment on your initial letter and had to rewrite it a few times so as not to sound pushy about choosing adoption or make it about me and my experience. But now that you have made your decision, I would like to share a bit about my adoption story.
    My 39 year adoption anniversary is next week and what you described above about your baby’s first days with her new parents and their excitement and obvious love remind me of the story I am told on December 20 of every year.
    I had the best childhood any parent could hope to give their child. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc…never once questioned if I was their “real” relative or made me feel less than. I was loved, adored, and spoiled in the best way possible. My parents never said a bad word about my biological parents (the opposite actually – every Thanksgiving when we would go around the table saying what we were thankful for, my mom would always say how thankful she was to my bio’s for helping make our family) and even encouraged me to accept their involvement in my life when they reached out. In fact, the last 2 years I’ve spent Thanksgiving with both my sets of parents. When my son was born, my mom called my biological mother and told her “we’re grandmas!”
    I know not everyone has an experience like mine, but my deepest hope for you and your beautiful baby girl is that her life is just as full of love, acceptance, and opportunity as mine has been and that you get all of the love and care you need to heal your body, mind, and soul.

  107. DarthMom*

    Sitting here at my desk with tears of joy. So glad that things have gone as well for you through this process as possible. You will be in my prayers as you journey through the rest of this physical process, as well as continuing your emotional healing as well. I wish you all the best!

  111. Triumphant Fox*

    I’m so glad the birth went smoothly and you’re in a great place. Your care and love for that little girl are so obvious, she will feel this as she grows and appreciates the beautiful life you gave her. Your bravery and vulnerability in this time give me so much hope for the world. Thank you for sharing at a time when you have so much else to experience.

  112. halfwolf*

    OP, this update made me tear up. i remember your original letter, and it gives me a lot of joy to know that you have so much support coming in from so many different angles. you sound like a lovely, thoughtful person and i wish you all the best in the future.

  113. LilySparrow*

    What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it.

    How marvellous that you are able to be so open with your coworkers and with your baby’s new family!

    Wishing all of you all the best.

  114. Galloping Gargoyles*

    Thank you for the update, OP! As an adoptive mom, I know how brave and courageous you are. I am so happy that you are surrounded by good people at work as well as at home and that you have a strong community to help you heal. Best wishes and many prayers for you and for your daughter and her adoptive family.

  115. Another B-parent*

    Oh, I’m so happy for this update. I’m a birth parent (gave birth, nonbinary) and I have been having a strange time in moving jobs navigating talking about pregnancy/children. I have the experience, just not in the way people expect! I wish it was more normalized to talk about adoption

  116. Jemima Bond*

    OP I can’t begin to imagine all the feelings you’ve been through but I am sure as can be that you’ve done a wonderful thing for your daughter’s adoptive parents – the gift of a lovely daughter when (probably?) they couldn’t biologically conceive; that’s got to be up there with the greatest gift you can give fellow humans. Big hugs.

  117. Katniss Evergreen*

    I’m so glad this has progressed in such a positive direction for you – your original letter made me nervous for you since these situations can be so complicated and fraught with emotions (not to mention, as you’d originally worried about, everyone’s damn opinions). I’m glad you work where you do and that your colleagues were all either supportive (or at least quiet!). I so hope you continue healing after all you’ve been through, and that your relationship with your child’s new parents means you’ll always know how loved she is with the people you chose. You are a very brave person, and I really have to congratulate you in handling such a difficult situation with what sounds like incredible grace.

  118. CrissyA*

    Your update brought me to tears — the love you express is so clearly and well expressed that it’s almost tangible. Best wishes for all of you going forward! You are an inspiration!

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