updates: the cruel email, the disappointed junior employee, and more

by Alison Green on May 12, 2020

It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager, when I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. My boss asked me to log into a coworker’s email to delete a cruel message

Back in 2016, you answered by question about deleting a thoughtless email my boss intended to send to a handful of us, but instead sent to the whole office – including the subject of the email. Here’s my update.

Jane never found out about the email – she has absolutely no poker face, so I’m sure we’d know if she’d seen the email or been told about it. I think all my coworkers were taken aback by Fergus’s lack of professionalism, and though we never explicitly discussed it, once everyone knew the email was deleted we all basically acted as though it had never happened. I’m reasonably certain that at least a few of my colleagues figured out that the email was deleted directly, instead of recalled – but again, it’s not something we discussed. My impression is that everyone was so shocked and concerned for Jane that they didn’t care about what means were used to prevent her from reading that note.

Regarding Fergus, I know that my question showed him at his very worst, and with that as the only information available, a lot of readers felt strongly about his bad management and that Jane and everyone else at our company should be on the lookout for new jobs. I completely understand that, but want to stress that this whole incident was very unlike Fergus, and we had not seen any prior bad behavior on anything like this level. Several months after you answered my question we all found out that Fergus had been dealing with some very serious personal/health issues for some time. He sold the company and stepped back entirely from its operations about six months after I wrote in. It doesn’t excuse his behavior during the Email Incident, but I think it goes some way towards explaining it.

New Boss is very different from Fergus, but we’ve worked together well. Among other things, he’s hired Jane on full time (she had been part time, and her performance improved significantly after she’d been with us a bit longer), and changed our reporting structure so I’m a bit higher up the food chain and Jane reports to me. As a first time manager, it’s been great to have Ask A Manager to back me up as I try to figure out what I’m doing. And now that I have a little more say in how things are run, I’m working finally get rid of our terrible IT company, who STILL haven’t changed anyone’s passwords.

2. My new junior employee said he’s “disappointed” in his job

Jake is no longer my employee. He actually gave his two weeks notice a few days after I first emailed in. He didn’t have another job lined up; he just wasn’t the right fit. I thought that’d be the end of it, but without consulting me, my boss offered to let him stay on as a part time employee, and he accepted. To me, this was the worst of all worlds. I still had an employee that didn’t want to be there, and my boss had made it clear that I had no authority over people I manage. Everything got worse. I was able to let him go at the end of the year finally.

There were other elements of how my boss handled the situation that frustrated me. When Jake gave his notice, she told me that I wasn’t allowed to replace Jake once he did leave because “no one smart would want this job”. I was pretty offended by that because my first role with the company was similar to what he was doing. She then proceeded to forget she’d told me that I couldn’t replace him. Earlier this year we were discussing my workload, and I was saying that part of the problem with my workload is that I have nobody to delegate a lot of my routine tasks to. When she asked why I wasn’t searching for someone to replace Jake, I told her that she had made it clear that wasn’t an option (seriously, I have documentation). Anyway, she tried to tell me that I had told her that I didn’t need to replace him. I started to look for a new person for the role, but that search was soon after put on hold with the outbreak of the pandemic. There were additional annoying details of the whole situation, but this is the meat of it.

Altogether, my boss’s actions during that situation and others led me to start a job search of my own, which is unfortunately also on hold because of COVID-19.

3. Pulling out of an interview process when my current job really needs me (#3 at the link)

I grappled very deeply with your comment regarding company loyalty when the job wasn’t serving my growth (or, frankly, mental health) needs. I knew that if I stayed “another 6 months” before looking again, I’d probably just continue to find myself in the same rut. I kept myself in the interview process and I ended up getting the job! I’ve now been at the organization for 6 years and it is exactly where I want to be; leaving was the right decision even if was difficult for my old team. When I was offered the job, I asked for 4 weeks to start in order to write a proper, full handover plan for the next hire. The new manager was not super happy to wait a month, but my old manager really appreciated and respected that I was willing to stay on longer to get things in order. It ended up as a win-win: I didn’t burn a bridge by leaving my old manager in the lurch (we remain friendly to this day and I visited her recently!), and I embarked in a new career path that is much healthier for me and has given me tremendous growth opportunity.

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{ 31 comments }

{ 31 comments… read them below }

  2. Observer*

    #2 – You don’t need wait for Covid to pass in order to continue looking for a new job, unless it serves YOU. Given your boss’ behavior, I would not do anything to accommodate her beyond doing my job well.

    1. Mama Bear*

      I agree to keep looking. My company is still hiring, though slowly. I’d try to get ahead of the people who are currently furloughed and might ben entirely laid off in a few weeks.

      1. Ann Onny Muss*

        Agreed. My company is still hiring at a normal clip. It *may* take longer to find something in the current economic environment, but it *will* take longer if you put the search on hold

    2. #2 LW here*

      I have been still applying to something, but not at the same pace. My type of work and my city have both been hit especially hard so there really just isn’t much to apply to. Plus, I really need the health insurance so I can’t afford to leave something stable (which for all its problems, my job is as stable as anything can be right now) for something else and risk being laid off soon after.

      1. Jedi Squirrel*

        I understand. I’m in a similar situation. Stability is a good thing these days.

    3. Artemesia*

      The working /hiring world is adapting to what will be some long term issues; you may not find another job right away but keep looking and thinking about how the skills you have would be useful in this new world. I know a couple of people who have been hired this past month and in WFH situations — one was someone pushed out with ‘early retirement’ when he turned 65 — against his will. He managed to land a position with benefits.

    4. I'm just here for the cats*

      As I’m reading this my mom literally got a call from a recruiter. She’s not looking but her resume and stuff is still on indeed so people occasionally call/email. Please keep looking you never know what might turn up.

    5. Essess*

      Definitely keep your linked-in page up-to-date. I’ve started getting a small flurry of emails from recruiters in the last week so hiring appears to be picking up again for some professions.

  3. Observer*

    #3- I’m so glad you decided to leave. When your health is at stake, you really need to prioritize that.

  4. Myrin*

    #2, I know it doesn’t help you but please know that this random internet stranger thinks your boss sounds like a trainwreck of the worst kind.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      Make that two internet strangers who think this! *farting noises* Big stinker of a boss over here, #2.

      1. Pike*

        *Opens window to air out the bad boss stink*
        I’m sorry, #2. I’d really try to search now, even if it goes slower. Your boss is truly a stinker.

        1. Jedi Squirrel*

          Well, now it’s four internet strangers. Only a whackadoodle boss would hamstring their employee by telling them they can’t hire a replacement because the job sucks, only to wonder later why they haven’t hired a replacement.

          1. #2 LW here*

            I appreciate the solidarity! She’s really not the best and the pandemic is really highlighting her more problematic aspects.

            Last week she was telling us that laid off people should “get over it” and this week was complaining that she has to drive to her third home for vacation next week because her kids told her she shouldn’t fly.

            2. The Man, Becky Lynch*

              Oh this precious frigging jackass only gets better!

              And of course she’s the kind of mom that needs her kids saying “mom, that’s unsafe.” RME

            3. The Supreme Troll*

              I know this really sucks; I’m just sending you my best wishes to stay strong, and for better days to come ahead.

  5. General von Klinkerhoffen*

    LW3, it sounds like you have great integrity, which does overlap with loyalty but is much more valuable. I’m really glad things worked out for you.

  6. Analyst Editor*

    Its interesting – I went back and read the “cruel email” and while it’s harsh, it didn’t quite rise to the level of cruel. Certainly not in keeping with the rules of Standard Corporate English, but eh.

    Regardless, I am glad that your assessment of Fergus was correct, and everything worked out for the better!

    1. Mookie*

      What made it cruel to me was that this was a parting shot in an e-mail where Fergus was soliciting presumably honest assessments of Jane. He poisoned the well for her there—“tell me what you think of her, ps she’s awful innit”—particularly in light of her current performance in the full-time role. Nothing about that part of the e-mail was professional, sure, but it was also a window into the mind of a poor manager who likely has sabotaged more than one person under him before this. Regardless of intent, the consequences for the target do appear cruel. Effective training is never a waste of time; it either helps cream rise or reveals serious, possibly unworkable deficiencies. Jane proved him wrong.

    2. Mookie*

      What made it cruel to me was that this was a parting shot in an e-mail where Fergus was soliciting presumably honest assessments of Jane. He poisoned the well for her there—“tell me what you think of her, ps she’s awful innit”—particularly in light of her current performance in the full-time role. Nothing about that part of the e-mail was professional, sure, but it was also a window into the mind of a poor manager who likely has sabotaged more than one person under him before this. Regardless of intent, the consequences for the target do appear cruel. Effective training is never a waste of time; it either helps cream rise or reveals serious, possibly unworkable deficiencies. Jane proved him wrong.

    3. Prof. Space Cadet*

      I’m really glad that everything worked out well for L.W. #1, but it’s still a totally bonkers situation that should not have happened. But sometimes reality has a weird way of sorting itself out well for everyone, and I’m glad that’s what happened in this case.

  7. Extremely Curious*

    So uh, going back to read the original letter of #3, it was grouped with another letter that was deleted because apparently other people involved wrote in to say it wasn’t factual. Does anyone remember what happened? That’s so scandalous for this site lol

    1. Alli525*

      I don’t remember that specific letter, but usually the comments section is pretty helpful – I’d poke around there first.

      1. Marthooh*

        There wasn’t anything about it in the comments, sadly, except people wanting to know what was up. (I was also extremely curious.)

  8. Jennifer Thneed*

    Regarding LW#1: I’m very confused about this idea that only your IT service can change passwords? For one thing, that means that they have your passwords! probably not encypted! and those are both huge security risks. For another, every corporate computer I’ve used has a way for the user to change their own passwords, and I’m pretty sure this has been true of every email program I’ve used.

    1. Prof. Space Cadet*

      Yeah, I think Alison’s advice that they need an I.T. company that believes in passwords still stands. This would not fly at any place I’ve worked for in the last 25 years.

  9. NoLongerStuckInRetailHell*

    RE LW#1: I went back and read the original letter, and my take is a little different. I don’t think it was nearly so “icky” to go into Jane’s account and delete that email. First of all, every company I have ever worked for has made it clear that company email belongs to the company, not the employee, and the company (in this case the owner) has the right to access it. Secondly, it’s not like OP went in and deleted an email Jane was supposed to see (whether to protect her feelings or to get her in trouble). This was never intended for Jane to get therefore it is perfectly acceptable for it to be deleted. Think of it this way: say Jane had a printer in her office, and the door was locked on her day off. Say the owner accidentally sent this document to Jane’s printer instead of his own. So he tells OP to use the master key to go into Jane’s office and grab it off the printer before Jane comes in and sees it. Boss trusted in OP’s honor and ethics that she was just going to deal with the one thing, and not use the opportunity to snoop around.

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