updates: the missed promotion, the religious mission, and more

by Alison Green on February 17, 2022

Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. CEO will ask how things are going … but she just yanked a promotion away from me (#2 at the link)

I wanted to follow up with a happy update! I was so grateful you posted my letter, and for the feedback I received from you and the commenters. It was really validating to see that I was not in the wrong, just in the wrong place. I was looking for a new job at that time, and really struggled to find the right fit for me. I had several interviews and one offer that wasn’t quite right, but I finally landed on something (hopefully) awesome!

I was recruited by a fellow co-worker to join her team at her new job, and after conversations with their HR department, it was determined I should move into a higher position right off the bat! I went through the interview process in anticipation of that position. It took several weeks, as some of it happened over the holidays, but finally after five long interviews, I got an offer! I love what I’ve seen of the culture, the role, and the general environment of the company and I’m excited for the work ahead.

I put in my notice at my current job last week, and I’m set to start at my new job next month. Best of all, it comes with a substantial pay increase (which I negotiated using your techniques) and what seems to be a significantly better culture.

2. Should I wear a button with my face on it to my new job (since we’re masked)? (#5 at the link)

I have a lighthearted update for you. I ended up not getting any picture of my face on a button because it did feel very twee and over the top. BUT I was right in this gut hunch I had that it was the kind of office culture/environment where the people would have probably been OK with it. Prior to my first day, the ED asked if I would be willing to share a picture of myself that would go out with his welcome announcement, as well as some responses to “get to know you” type questions that went out with my bio. So the situation solved itself! I’ve also added my picture to my Microsoft and video conferencing profiles so that people that don’t know me can see it, which was a suggestion from several readers. As it stands, I am loving my new job and coworkers, and have been warmly welcomed and mentored by several long-standing team members, even without a goofy button!

3. Should I leave a religious mission off my resume? (#4 at the link)

I put down the address of my sister in law who lives in the area we were trying to move to on my resume, but I didn’t end up removing the volunteer experience mostly as an experiment as I had kind of given up on getting a job there anyway.

After turning in only ONE application with the new address, I was contacted the next day and had three interviews with a company in the new state. I was hired on and they agreed to let me work remotely until I am able to move out there, and then do a hybrid 2 days out, 3 days in the office schedule permanently (which is my favorite kind of schedule). We have moved out of our house and are in the process of getting across the country and the new job is going well!

No one ever brought up my volunteer experience with my church at any point. In the future I actually will remove it since I have more relevant experience now, but it was a fun experiment!

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{ 36 comments }

{ 36 comments… read them below }

  3. Elizabeth West*

    I was curious about #3’s outcome. Yay, it seems to be good. That’s exactly what I’m hoping for (remote until I can move). Congrats to you, OP 3!

    3. Database Developer Dude*

      What do you do, and where are you trying to move to? I would be happy to refer you into my firm if we have anything in the area to which you wish to relocate or a remote opportunity.

  4. Help*

    Alison, I’m trying to read the comments on the question about domestic violence and keep getting a message “this page does not exist.”

      1. Starbuck*

        For the best I think, it’s really not a ‘for the readers’ question but a ‘ask Sue and also a DV hotline’ question.

    3. Ask a Manager* Post author

      I removed it — it was a mistake to post it as an “ask the readers” question, and I’ve emailed the LW to suggest she contact a domestic violence hotline for advice. (There’s a short post explaining it on the home page now.)

      1. Pants*

        Your intentions were good, but I understand your decision to remove it. I hope everything works out well with them.

        I’m really happy to have an update in its place! I love the updates so much.

  5. justaperson*

    Hey does anyone know why the previous post about the domestic violence perpetrator in the workplace was removed? I was curious to read the comments

  6. AllyPally*

    Great update OP1! But the drama llama in me really wants to know how the meeting with the CEO went! I hope she feels embarrassed for what she did to you.

    1. Starbuck*

      You’d hope and think so, right? Or they’ve decided ‘just as well I didn’t give a promotion, look what happened!’

    3. Cheesehead*

      Yes, add me to the list of those who want to know how the CEO took your resignation and if you laid it out that her yanking the promotion away from you and not being transparent was what caused you to look elsewhere.

    4. SoupSnakes*

      OP here! Turns out, their check-in meetings were so heavily scripted they left absolutely no room for anything other than upbeat, non-confrontational answers (ex- what’s your favorite song?)
      As for how they took my resignation, that’s a cluster all its own. Immediately after I turned in notice, my supervisor iced me out. In my exit interview, the HR rep gaslit and lied about me to me (I’d never had any run in with HR or anyone else). Finally, CEO didn’t acknowledge me the entirety of my notice period, despite my tenure being three times as long as hers. Not even a placating “thank you for your service to the organization.”
      Overall, my notice period reinforced further I’d made the right choice to leave.

      2. AllyPally*

        Yikes! Sounds like you’re well shot of them! I can’t imagine such an inane meeting with a CEO, what a waste of everyone’s time. Thanks for the 2nd update!

      3. MCMonkeyBean*

        Wtf, is that a literal example? The CEO of your company set up one-one-one meetings and asked people questions like what is your favorite song!!!???

        Wowowow that all sounds so ridiculous. Congratulations on getting out and I hope your next job treats you way better!

    5. SoupSnakes*

      I’m that OP! Turns out, their check-in meetings were so heavily scripted they left absolutely no room for anything other than upbeat, non-confrontational answers (ex- what’s your favorite song?)
      As for how they took my resignation, that’s a cluster all its own. Immediately after I turned in notice, my supervisor iced me out. In my exit interview, the HR rep gaslit and lied about me to me (I’d never had any run in with HR or anyone else). Finally, CEO didn’t acknowledge me the entirety of my notice period, despite my tenure being three times as long as hers. Not even a placating “thank you for your service to the organization.”
      Overall, my notice period reinforced further I’d made the right choice to leave.

  7. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

    OP2: adding your picture to your Microsoft and other profiles is a really good idea and I’m gonna follow it actually….

  8. Mi*

    I am a bit confused about #3. You… lied about your adress? And then got the offer and told them you lied, and it was fine? I’m guessing you knew it would be easy to find a place to live once you got the offer?

    1. Hlao-roo*

      My understanding is that using the address of a friend/relative who lives in the area you want to move to on your resume is a fairly common thing to do. Not all employers will be OK with that, but enough are that it makes sense as a strategy to appear local. Presumably you would be able to crash at your friend’s/family’s place while looking for a permanent place to live.

    2. Antilles*

      I don’t think it’s a big deal. If OP explained during the interviews that she would be moving to the area soon, but was still in the process of getting her own place, I think most interviewers wouldn’t blink at that explanation.
      If anything, they might be more reassured by you having family here because it means you have a bit of a support network and presumably a bit of an idea what the city’s like. Rather than hiring someone who’s never set foot in the state and might quickly decide they’re not a fit here.

    3. MichaelaJordan*

      Yeah I think it’s a much better option to just take your address off the resume. It’s becoming standard to only have contact information and then you can address relocation or remote work in the initial screening call.

      1. Anon in Canada*

        If the employer has an ATS, you will be required to provide an address, no ifs or buts about it. And by now, virtually all large and medium and some small employers have ATSs.

        That being said, as long as 1) you can attend interviews on the employer’s own timeline; 2) you can start within 2 weeks i.e. you can temporarily stay at that address until you find housing; and 3) you’re not currently employed, or your current work is fully remote; using a family member’s or friend’s address in the target city shouldn’t be a big deal. If all 3 of those conditions are met, there is no reason to have to admit the lie to the prospective employer.

    4. Batgirl*

      When my friend was trying to relocate to London she put her godparents’ address down. It might not have been her address *yet*, but it was where she stayed when she began the job, while she was still flat hunting. I wouldn’t consider that a lie, it gives the employer information about your initial commute and lets them know you can start pretty soon. They don’t care about anything else.

  9. Anon in Canada*

    OP#3 may not have had to ever tell the prospective employer that she lied about her address. As long as you can start within 2 weeks, and were not employed at the time of submitting the application, there’s really no reason to have to admit that. In this case, she would have been able to stay with her sister-in-law until she found housing.

    The caveat with this tactic is that you absolutely cannot lie about your location if you’re currently employed in a non-remote job. You can’t list an Ottawa address on your resume if you’re currently employed in Toronto and the job isn’t fully remote. You just can’t – the prospective employer will instantly find out about the lie, and you almost certainly won’t be interviewed.

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