let’s talk about your mortifying moments at work

by Alison Green on July 7, 2022

It’s almost time for Mortification Week 2022, and in preparation we need to hear your stories of mortifying experiences at work — yours or other people’s. Maybe you mistakenly emailed your lengthy romantic story to a colleague instead of your husband … or gave a person two noses in an interview Photoshop test … or accidentally threw condoms all over your interviewer’s desk. Whatever it is, we want to hear in the comments about your stories of embarrassment at work.

And remember, mortification is universal and makes us human, and it is often hilarious.

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{ 1,178 comments }

{ 1,178 comments… read them below }

  1. Liz*

    As a server, I was mid-shift on a very busy night when a gentleman sitting alone at a booth asked me how things were going. I joked, “Well, sure could use an extra arm or two!” and kept walking. When I returned to the booth later, I noticed for the first time that he had a limb difference.

    I think my face is still red.

      1. Cookie monster*

        I was wearing a button up shirt that buttons kept opening on all day. Something major happened at work and I had a conference call that I was on to be informed of the news which I then had to give to my local team. After the call, I stood up in our open office, threw my hands out and said ” Everyone, X (horrible great grand boss) was fired!” And every button on my shirt decided to fail and open right then. So I was standing with my staff looking at me, with my bra on and a completely open shirt. That shirt went in the trash when I got home.

        1. Cookie monster*

          This was not supposed to post as a response! Sorry.
          But also, I once asked someone if they “needed a hand?” Only to realize they were missing an arm…

          1. Muddlewitch*

            You’re not the only person to whom this has happened -welcome to the club. No, I’ve not been able to forget it either.

            1. Bunny*

              I am a reporter. Early in my career I attempted to shake Bob Dole’s hand. Which was fine. I went for the one he wounded in combat. The Senator had a sense of humor.

            2. jlynnm*

              My boss is an amputee – he will joke about it often. About only having one hand/ needing a hand/ only 3 hands between us…. Fortunately he has a sense of humor about it.

        3. H3llifIknow*

          OMG My first day at a new company I had a new blouse on… and the buttons over my breast *I’m very busty* kept popping open without my realizing it. At one point my 2 new managers left the room and the one apparently told the other one “You have to tell her; you’re going to have to learn to manage her” and they came back and he said, “Ummmmm your shirt has popped open.” It did it like 3 more times. That shirt also went in the trash. It was FINE when I tried it on, I swear!

          1. CoveredinBees*

            I had the same thing happen on my very first day as an employed attorney. Two days later my boss called me into her office for a humiliating conversation about appropriate clothing, breasts, and all the ways in which women’s bodies are judged by others. She could not accept my response that I’d given the shirt a test drive and it had been TOTALLY FINE at home and in the store.

            1. Esmae*

              Oof. I had a similar experience with a wrap dress that fit fine at home, but started to gape more and more in the front as the day went on. Loooong conversation with my boss about how women in public service have to be careful to dress conservatively so we don’t attract inappropriate attention, and how much paperwork there is if we have a stalking incident. Explaining that I was completely aware of the problems with the dress and never planned on wearing it again did not get me out early.

              1. La Triviata*

                At a previous job, one of the directors – who was fairly busty – tended to wear tops that would gape. At one luncheon she sat right in front of the speaker (a man) who would at various times look down at her and, as her blouse gaped more and more, he became more and more distracted. She was teased about it and finally started wearing tops that would stay closed.

                Luckily, I’ve been fairly flat-chested for most of my life, so this has not been an issue but I will, if it seems necessary, use safety pins to ensure no flashing.

              2. Anonomatopoeia*

                While I get you didn’t want to wear this again, and decency rules exist and all, if someone DECIDES TO BE A STALKER because you have a wardrobe malfunction, that is 73000% that person’s fault, and 0% yours. Would the paperwork be a hassle? Maybe, BUT SINCE YOU WOULD BE BEING STALKED in that scenario, it’s not the biggest problem omg. That boss is a nincompoop.

    2. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Oooh, ouch. If he had a sense of humor about it he could have said, “Me too!” :-)

      Reminds me of how I always used to say that I was blind as a bat because I wear glasses. Sure, can’t read signs and see details without my glasses, but I am definitely not blind. I stopped saying that when I started a new job with a boss whose father was actually blind, but I’m fairly certain I said it once or twice before I knew that.

      1. ecnaseener*

        If we’re being pedantic, bats have some vision, so “blind as a bat” doesn’t mean completely blind. You were just being accurate!

        1. k bee*

          Blindness also has varying degrees and not everyone who is blind lacks total vision. Glasses are a disability aid and there are folks who are blind who still wear glasses because they help navigate the world better. Still a good reminder to be careful of our language!

          1. Been There*

            Over the weekend my cousin’s girlfriend tried on my glasses (they’re Rx but she thought they were decorative… if I’m going to wear one item the entirety of my waking life, they’re going to look good). I’m pretty blind, but only in one eye, and usually warn people before they put them on because it can give bad vertigo.
            I did not have time to warn her before she just plopped them on her head.
            She took a VIOLENT step backwards, shook her head, pulled them off and said to me in an astonished voice “wow, you’re really….” and then just trailed off.

            I could only laugh about it. I was like “yup, bad vision in one eye, basically blind!” She’s really sweet and i could tell she felt bad about her reaction but I thought it was cute.

            1. Snoozing not schmoozing*

              Is there really such a thing as glasses for just fashion or decorative use? Ugh, how is that different than a fake hearing aid or crutches or wheelchair as a fashion look?

              1. Summer*

                Sunglasses are a huge fashion item; it’s really not that much of a stretch if someone wants to wear glasses as an accessory. Why that would bother anyone – let alone be compared to someone using a wheelchair for fun – I will never understand.

              2. Kacihall*

                I enjoy treating glasses as a fashion item. I mean, I need to wear them if I want to see more than 18 inches in front of me, but I have six(ish) pairs of regular glasses. Some days I don’t care and pick the ones I grab first but other days I like coordinating.

                Meanwhile, my kindergartener has a pair with no prescription because he thinks he looks so grown up in them. (I got tired of him trying to wear mine and Zenni had them for $10. And he’s right, he looks like such a little man in them. )

              3. SnappinTerrapin*

                I worked with a fellow who wore “lift” shoes to look taller and glasses with plain lenses to look smarter.

                He discussed this in the office, just to give you a base line of the starting point the glasses worked from.

              4. Seeking second childhood*

                Been There didn’t say that person tried them on ONLY as a fashion statement. When I’m in need of new glasses, you can bet I look at other people’s glasses. And on occasion, I have been known to ask to try them on to find out if they’re a possibility for me. (But taking them fast like this woman? That’s way over the line.)

              5. GlitterIsEverything*

                Drew Carey had LASIK, but then discovered that his glasses had become part of his acting persona. He still wears glasses when acting as a result, even though he doesn’t need them.

                Sunglasses are a protective device that are also fashionable (thank you Jackie O for making sunglasses a fashion statement!).

                Lots of people are starting to use blue light blocking glasses when on the computer; also using fashionable frames.

                And there is a small fashion trend to wear non-prescription glasses as a fashion statement.

                Plus, for those who wear prescription glasses, some have multiple pairs for fashion reasons. I have several patients over the years who will keep 4-6 pairs. Some will have different purposes (sunglasses / computer / driving), but others are for different looks. (I personally carry 3 pairs in my purse at all times, for different purposes.)

              6. Migraine Month*

                My college had a wheelchair basketball team, and so far as I know most of the participants did not wear a wheelchair when not playing the sport. They weren’t “fake” wheelchairs, just equipment used for a less-obvious reason.

                Similarly, there are plenty of times it’s helpful to have glasses, even if your vision is fine. Sunglasses and reading glasses are the most obvious, but there’s also blue-light glare reduction, safety equipment, etc. As someone who’s worn Rx since second grade, it’s never bothered me.

      2. dawbs*

        Absolutely true story:

        I had an uncle who lost a leg. We were at a “church comedy” thing (they exist. Basically a comedy play that was also start standup/improv) and part of the act was 2 characters getting lost and wandering into aisles. One tripped on uncle’s leg, which was angled awkwardly and apologized. Uncle reached down, said something like “that’s OK, you might need it more than I do”, and handed the actor his prosthetic leg.
        The actor gaped for a second and it was the moment that truly brought down the house :)

        1. Nea*

          Something similar happened to friends who ran a haunted house. One of the rooms involved a mad surgeon reaching through locked bars and begging for a victim to “donate” to their cause.

          One guy unbuckled his prosthetic and offered it.

          1. My dear Wormwood*

            I played a mad scientist for Halloween once – crying “Ah! Fresh parts!” and measuring up the children’s teeth, eyes, etc, and then sadly saying they were not quite right but thank you so much for coming, do have some lollies. They LOVED it.

            1. April*

              *sorts idea away for if I ever live in a neighborhood that gets a lot of trick-or-treaters*

          2. Reluctant Mezzo*

            I was once in a Jaycee haunted house where the chairman’s girlfriend had lost an arm in an accident as a child. They had the most splendid and awful axe-murderer set in history.

        2. Lizzo*

          FANTASTIC.

          I was hanging out with friends (husband and wife) who are also freelance clients of mine and made a passing comment about the fact that my father-in-law is a risk taker but (paraphrasing) “wouldn’t do anything stupid where he might lose a limb”, and the husband responded with a very brief quip that I forget the details of now but I WAS SUDDENLY HORRIFIED BECAUSE HE (husband) HAS A PROSTHETIC LEG. I spent the next 5 minutes laugh-crying because I was so horrified by what I’d said, but the wife assured me that the husband lives for moments like this where he gets to make jokes about his leg.

        3. Charlotte Lucas*

          My dad was a printer, & a significant number of people lose parts of fingers to the trade. He worked with a guys who was missing a finger. Anytime someone asked about it, he’d claim it had just been there a minute ago & institute a search.

          1. Ralkana*

            I work in manufacturing and a lot of the older guys are missing fingers or parts of fingers from less rigorous safety measures when they were younger. An older manager, retired now, once held up 3 fingers on his right hand in a meeting and said, “3 things to remember. Wait, that’s 2 1/2 things” He put down his right hand, held up 3 fingers of his left hand, and said “3 things to remember,” and then kept going. The whole room burst into snickering.

        4. Hills to Die on*

          My former neighbor lost a thumb. He would do that trick where you pretend that you are pulling your thumb off with your other hand. It was so cute watching my toddlers try to figure out how he did it.

          1. HBJ*

            My dad never did that trick, but when he lost the tip of his finger, the young grandchildren spent about five minutes looking around his hand, comparing it to the other, trying to figure out where it went.

        5. Magenta Sky*

          I live close to Disneyland in California. A very close friend of mine, who is something of a fan of theirs, was born with no left hand. (Having been born that way, it’s so perfectly natural for him I actually knew him nearly a year before I realized it). One of the more popular rides there is Pirates of the Caribbean, which is a boat ride. One of his favorite tricks is to dangle the stump in the water and wait for the ride operator to get to the part of his spiel about sharks and other water hazards, then pull his handless stump out of the water and start screaming. (The ride operators apparently love it – the second time they see it.)

            1. littlehope (formerly Blue, there were two of us)*

              IME, most amputees are the funniest people in the world and rarely pass up the opportunity for a joke about it. I mean, you should let them make the joke first, but they usually will!

        6. Usagi*

          I used to work in tech retail, and I was training a new team member on different features. We were on the sales floor, so there were customers around us, but I wasn’t in uniform so that we could focus on training (i.e., he’d look like he’s helping a customer). I was explaining to him the different accessability features, and he just… didn’t like them. He overall was not a great employee, and would keep arguing about how he didn’t understand why these accessability features were there, or “why would anyone need that?” or “who would even use this?” I was starting to get frustrated, when suddenly, the customer behind him exploded in a rage, “IT’S FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME” while tearing off his prosthetic arm and waving it around. The employee turned a billion shades of red, apologized, and excused himself.

          The customer was a regular with a great sense of humor, and he then told me that he could see I was getting frustrated, and that he hoped I didn’t mind if he “put a little fear of God in the new guy.”

          I didn’t mind at all.

        7. Kate Adams*

          A high school classmate played football and also happened to have an artificial eye. One time when the team wasn’t doing so well against an opponent, he popped out the glass eye, rolled it onto the field, and screamed “my eye!”. This totally unnerved the other team, and of course our side thought it was hilarious. Unfortunately word got around, so the trick lost its effectiveness. (I used to think of this guy when I was stuck in endless staff meetings, for some reason…)

      3. Jay*

        When I was a new doc practicing in primary care and I saw someone with a viral illness, I would tell them that the best way to prevent other people in the family catching it was to “wash your hands like someone with OCD.” Ha ha ha.

        And yes, I did say that to someone who I later learned was being treated for severe OCD and who was also a colleague of my husband’s, so I had to see him regularly outside of the office.

        Oy.

        1. Carol the happy elf*

          My friend’s father had a mild OCD, and when he was telling a new Primary Care doctor about it, the doctor asked him questions, then asked how it affected his life.
          Friend’s dad loved doing this- he said “Well, it drives me nuts that they named it wrong.”
          The doctor took the bait, so friend’s dad got a very stressed look on his face, then stage-whispered, “they have to change it to “C.D.O. so it will be in alphabetical order!”

      4. LobsterPhone*

        Once when I worked in a public library I noticed a lady sitting at the (desk height) query counter so I sat down opposite her at the workstation and asked if I could assist….she told me that one of my colleagues had put a book aside for her but she didn’t know my colleague’s name or where she’d put the book. I asked if she could describe my colleague, does she have brown hair in a bob, etc to which the customer replied ‘I have no idea, I’m blind’ and at that exact moment her guide dog stood up from behind the desk where he/she had been having a nap.

      5. Anonomatopoeia*

        I dunno if I would determine someone doesn’t have a sense of humor about something based on what I think they would have said if they did? IJS.

      1. SamiJo*

        While eating a spicy lunch at my desk the CEO walked by just as I commented to myself, ohhh SPICY. I’ve never been more embarrassed at work!

    4. Nick Fireplace*

      Oh this happened to me. Years ago, I used to work in a bookshop and one shift, I approached a customer and asked, “Can I give you a hand?” Friends, I think you can imagine what happened next. It still keeps me awake at night.

      1. lisavfr*

        Reminding me of my high school woodshop teacher. He would demonstrate how to use a saw and say “Don’t do it this way, or you will end up like me!” while proudly displaying his hand missing most of his fingers.

    5. BadHostess*

      I was working hostess in a restaurant and asked a busy server, “What are you limping about today?” They didn’t respond, and — thank heavens, because it was uncharacteristic for me at that time — I did not persist.

      What I had pointed out so cluelessly was this person’s normal way of walking. I’d just never noticed. (Along with being loudmouthed and tactless, I was not very observant.) The server was gracious enough to ignore the question, but I’m still embarrassed, decades later. I was SUCH an idiot in those days.

      2. DrRat*

        It could be worse. I was at a conference where Geri Jewell, the actress/comedian gave a talk. She told a story about going to a restaurant with a deaf friend who had a service dog. The server sees the service dog and thinks the friend is blind. No, Geri explains, it’s not a seeing eye dog, it’s a hearing ear dog. So when it comes time to order, the server ignores the deaf customer, lifts up the tablecloth, looks straight at the dog, and says in a loud, clear, slow voice: “AND WHAT WOULD SHE LIKE TO EAT?”

        Geri told that story over 2 decades ago and I still crack up every time I think of it.

        1. Nightengale*

          My Deaf ASL teacher was given the Braille safety instruction card on an airplane. And said this had happened to other Deaf friends as well.

    6. giraffecat*

      Ooh, this story reminded me of when I had just started was working retail years ago. I was busy checking out someone at the register when a customer walked up to the side and asked me where the bathroom was. Without looking up from what I was doing, I pointed in the direction the bathroom was and said “the bathroom is that way, door at the end of the aisle.” The person asked “which way?” so I again pointed and said “that way.” It wasn’t until they started walking off in the wrong direction that I realized they were blind and couldn’t see where I was pointing! I felt terrible.

    7. Darkangel_1708*

      I worked in an amusement park in my 20’s. We used to do the push and pull on the harness to verify it was properly locked. Some people would rest their hand on their lap under the harness and so to avoid squishing them during the push I would tell them “watch out for your hands” so they could move them away.

      There is that one guy who raise is arm after I say this…waving his arm with a funny face…he his missing a hand. I was mortified…

    8. ASneakierMailman*

      Oh my goodness, you beat me to it. I’m a reference librarian and we have a frequent patron who visits the desk who has only one arm. He was once trying to get something out of his wallet and I asked him, “Can I give you a hand?” He gave me a not-sure-if-joking look and I immediately realized my mistake. Fortunately we were both able to laugh at it afterward.

    10. Nomayo*

      Working retail I once asked a guy if he could use a hand with anything, and he looked at me and waved his arm that was missing a hand.

      I was “OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY.” And he laughed and said it was okay.

      So total solidarity with you on this.

    11. Medium Sized Manager*

      Serving brings out the absolute dumbest moments. I once asked a deaf person if they wanted a braille menu because….my brain wanted to help but not to think apparently.

      I also asked somebody if they were fine with a medium well cook on their chicken sandwich at the tail end of a long day – she was very kind to just laugh when I quickly corrected myself and told her she didn’t have a choice.

    12. Stackson*

      Yep, the safety guy at my former job was doing a training on how to use the cardboard baler we’d just gotten in. It was a little bit of a rough training–he didn’t appear to have done any homework on how the baler worked, so he was figuring it out as he went, in front of all of us. It was a little awkward but he worked it out eventually and we finished the training.
      Later that day, I saw him out walking around the plant and thanked him for the training. He said something to the effect of “Yeah, it could have been smoother, but we got through it, didn’t we?”
      I said, “We did! Although I think with things like that, it can be helpful to confirm how things work in advance of the training. We don’t want anyone losing a finger!”
      He replied, “Nope,” and walked away.
      And as he walked away, I remembered that he was, in fact, missing a finger.

    13. Not So NewReader*

      I complimented a customer on their new hairdo.

      It was a chemo wig. smh.

      1. Sally*

        I have a friend with Trichotillomania who wore wigs for years, and she didn’t really know what to say when people complimented her and asked where she got her hair done. In a happy note, she has found a medication that helps, and she has been able to grow out her own hair.

      2. Carol the happy elf*

        Gushy, annoying coworker, to me:

        “Oh, Carol, you finally decided to take time in your hairdo! I love it!”

        Me: “Then you can have it, it itches.”
        (Pulling off detested chemo wig and handing it to her.) My bald head is bumpy and has freckles.
        She went all woozy and threw up on my $600 human hair wig.
        It was worth it.

    14. Clefairy*

      I used to work as a skipper on a now-defunct boat ride where a shark attacks the boat at a popular theme park in Florida- one time, as my guests were unloading, a man who was an amputee ran up to me, waving the nub of his missing arm, and said “OH NO!! HE GOT ME!!”

      It was literally one of the funniest moments of my theme park career haha

    15. Curmudgeon in California*

      LOL! I have hemiparesis, which in my case means that my right arm is a useless decoration and I walk with a serious limp. I regularly get double takes when I say “I’m busier than a one armed paper hanger with hives.” and they know I only have the use of one arm. Yes, I make gimp jokes, and sometimes do the Igor “Mathter, mathter”, with the dragging limp that is my typical when I’m tired.

    17. Irish Teacher*

      I actually did something…possibly worse. One of my students was shouting across the room, not being deliberately disruptive, just talking very loudly and I told them to lower their voice, nobody hear is deaf. Guess what? There was a kid in the class who was hard of hearing. And I knew it; I just…wasn’t actually thinking about that kid at the time!

    18. Emmeileia*

      Oh no, I had something like this happen to me! I was working as a nature interpreter at a public park. My job was to sit by a table of ‘specimens’ and answer any questions folks had about the park. So this lovely family (mom, dad, three boys from about 4 to 10) come by and ask about the coyote skull. Great! I love canids, and can go on for a while. So there I am waxing eloquent about their adaptability, their fur, etc and I get to the sagittal crest on the skull. “This is where their jaw muscles attach! Look how big it is, they could take your arm off in one bite” I said, gesturing with the skull like it was chomping at the middle boy…who promptly held up an arm that ended in a stump past his elbow. This kid’s eyes lit up as he looks right at me and says “Too late” with a big grin. His parents thought it was hilarious, but I must have turned 30 shades of red. Now, a good 14 years later I can laugh at the boy with the best comeback ever.

    19. Anon for this*

      So I had a coworker with one missing hand, who had what I guess is called a hook clamp that he used. It’s roughly hook-shaped, but is blunt rather than pointed, and can clamp onto things so you can use it the carry stuff and hold on to it. One day we were talking, and for reasons now lost in the mists of time, I mentioned something about it. But I called it, “Your little clampy thing.” Readers, this is apparently not the formal term. Thankfully he just busted up laughing.

      1. Bronze Betty*

        This reminds me of a fellow student when I was in college who had a prosthetic hand. This was long enough ago that it was an actual hook (I’m old!). He would occasionally refer to himself as The Happy Hooker.

    20. Alpaca Bag*

      This reminds me of when I was ushering and asked a patron if I could see his stub… I meant his ticket stub, and was mortified when I saw his partial arm. I rephrased that question from that day forward!

    21. DrRat*

      Former boyfriend was taking a class, sat next to the same woman every day. One day he notices she has crutches with her. He asks “Is something wrong with your leg?” She replies casually, “Yeah, it’s in the shop for repairs.” Only at that point did he notice her jeans were completely flat on one side.

    22. Numbat*

      I once worked in a hardware store and would occasionally serve a woman with no arms or legs. When chips in credit cards first became a thing (mid 2000s) I would ask every customer “PIN or sign?” So of course I asked her, unsure if I’d just asked the dumbest thing ever or not. BUT it turned out I didn’t need to feel mortified for that split second because she could sign the receipt with a pen in her mouth. Of course!

    23. Iain C*

      I am sure they took that as an armless and amusing comment.

      I’ve met a few people with missing limbs. I make sure it’s not what I talk to them about, but my 3 year old…. was another story. But they’ve always been very open an friendly to a curious child who brings no judgement, just wonder.

    24. Anon scientist*

      Related: I was in training with a guy who was missing an arm. We had to pick a group name from an 80s hair band and I yelled out Def Lepard! Which is technically correct, but I only realized a few minutes later that their drummer is missing an arm (thanks subconscious) and I just wanted to fall through the floor.

      We did not pick Def Lepard and all involved politely glided over it.

    25. Cedrus Libani*

      In college, I was working a youth-science event. I managed to get my leg stuck between the event coordinator’s wheelchair and a roof-support pillar, such that I lost a good chunk of skin. The coordinator apologized profusely. I tried to laugh it off, but I was flustered and bleeding, so what escaped my mouth? “It’s OK, I’ve got two of ’em.”

      That is, two legs. And of course, the moment I said it…I remembered. She did NOT have two of ’em; she had maybe 0.7 legs, in total. Hence the wheelchair.

      I’m 99% sure she heard me, but saw the look on my face and had the charity to pretend she hadn’t. So I was able to quietly limp off to the bathroom, where I hid for the rest of the evening.

    26. Suzy Q*

      Oh, this made me remember the time I went to automatically shake a person’s hand who had about half a hand. I check now.

    27. EvilQueenRegina*

      At an old job, my one coworker was looking at someone’s application for financial assistance for adaptations, only to find that this person’s finance meant she wouldn’t be eligible. The lady in question was…someone quite likely to dispute the decision, and in discussion, my coworker said that “X hasn’t really got a leg to stand on”. X was an amputee.

  2. EPLawyer*

    Really? On a day when I HAVE to prepare for trial. You are truly evil Alison (just kidding).

      1. EPLawyer*

        Well there is the courthouse that is trying to kill me. Seriously, every time I visit it, something happens. I’ve tangled my legs getting up from the benches to go up, I’ve tripped over my own two feet and banged into the wall. But the bestest one I was walking across the lobby in heels and hit a weird spot and completely wiped out. I was fine. Just don’t go to that courthouse anymore.

        But oh this is a good one. On one county scheduling hearings are at the god awful hour of 8:30 a.m. Several years ago, I had one such hearing. The night before I had insomnia so I figured what the heck, just get there early. All well and good. My case is called, the judge gives me a date and time for the final uncontested divorce — 8:30 a.m. I just gave him a look. He said “Don’t make a face, I saw you walking into the courthouse this morning as I was pulling in.” I said “well I didn’t sleep last night so i got in early.” He said “I don’t want to know about your personal life.”

        I should note, this judge was smiling and almost laughing when he said these things. He and I had and HAVE a great relationship. He’s retired but we get together for lunch every so often and text regularly.

    2. Then Intern*

      We had a team building meeting with a facilitator calling in from a different country. So, think full board room – from director to interns, sat around the table trying to hear what’s coming out of the laptop speaker.

      The facilitator decided to start with a meditation exercise to get us started. We were supposed to close our eyes, so some breathing, (spiritually) feel the earth around us etc. Already not my cup of tea, but fine. Until at some point she focused very heavily on the pelvic area, with instructions such as “feel your pelvic, feel the energy flow through it, down onto the floor, through the building and into the earth.”

      It was just a bit too ridiculous for me (and I mean – pelvis? I was very immature ). So I felt laughter coming. I bit my lip and tried to keep it down, but she kept going on and on about our pelvic. I opened my eyes to focus on something visually, to distract me from laughing. Instead, I made eye contact with my colleague who had a funny look of WTF on his face.

      I unsuccessfully tried to hide my bout of laughter with coughing. It just drew more attention as more colleagues opened their eyes. This caused me to laugh even harder. I eventually had to leave the room entirely, and sat out the rest of the team building.

  3. Neil*

    Not one of my own, but a particular favourite.
    The place i used to work did sandwich platters that were used to cater for parties and, sometimes, wakes. I was stood in front of my counter with a customer, loading up their trollies of about 20 sandwich platters for the wake of the grandad. My line manager come bounding up behind them, full of excitement, whilst I try to get him to stop because I know what’s about to happen. He doesn’t stop, and announces his arrival with, “wow, that’s a lot of sandwiches, what’s the big occasion?” To which the customer quietly replies, “my grandad’s funeral.”
    Cue line manager making an amazingly quick, sheepish exit, leaving me to have to apologise for him being a buffoon.
    He then came back half an hour later, very, very mortified, and apologised to me for him making an idiot of himself, and for leaving me to deal with the fallout.
    Thankfully, the customer was fine with it.

    1. Audrey Puffins*

      I used to work in a bookshop and when someone was returning a book, we’d ask why, presumably so we didn’t accidentally put damaged products back on the shelf but I suppose there are other reasons for asking why. I learned the hard way never to ask why someone’s returning a book about expecting a baby.

      2. Her name was Joanne*

        Anything related to babies. Many years ago, my sister miscarried. About a month before it happened, she had gone to her favorite department store (who at the time had a very generous return policy) and bought a bunch of baby stuff on sale. When my brother in law went back to return it all, the salesperson rudely ranted to him about how tired she was of people buying lots of stuff and then returning it as it hurt their sales for the day. It was a looong time before they shopped there again, even after the store sent flowers and an apology.

        1. The Bimmer Guy*

          I mean, miscarriage aside, he shouldn’t have been ranting to a customer about returning baby stuff…*while* the customer is returning baby stuff.

          And, yeah, you have to have the tact of a rabid gorilla not to realize pretty quickly why lots of people might return baby stuff.

          1. Cathie from Canada*

            Off topic, but Hemmingway’s famous six-word story is this:
            “For sale, baby shoes, never worn.”

            1. Workerbee*

              That got debunked, but it’s still a fascinating and heart-wrecking story all the same.

        2. lb*

          Oh, I have one for this – actually a friend’s story (because if it had happened to me I would have melted):

          Many years ago I worked at a Chicago-based internet coupon company (it’s the one you’re thinking of.) Because we were in Chicago, birthplace of improv comedy, the customer service department had an abundance of improvers/comedians, and they would do silly things like take calls using weird accents. One of my friends got an inbound call and decided to use a thick, very fake, Texan accent for it…
          The customer was a woman calling to ask for a refund on a 3D ultrasound deal she’d bought, because she’d miscarried & no longer needed. My friend reasoned it would be worse to drop the accent midway through, so just stuck doggedly to doing it while taking the call… and then never, ever used anything but his own voice on the phone again.

        3. Hannah Lee*

          Not baby related, but my mother was very sick in the hospital, had surgery that didn’t go as expected. The person in charge of the floor she was on told my brother and sister and I we could stay with her, never mind the official visiting hours, and that she’d arrange to send some sandwiches up for us so we don’t have to leave her bedside to go find dinner. (Not that we cared about eating but it was a nice gesture)

          Meal service shows up a while later with a tray, with one of those printout receipt/order tickets showing what was in the order, it said:

          – Room number 123
          – Our mother’s name
          – Bereavement Tray

          Like, if we didn’t realize things were serious and she likely wasn’t going to make it through the night?
          Hospital Meal Services were only TOO happy to put it in writing – OOF!

      4. Shhhh*

        This happened when I was in high school, not at work, but it was also a case of learning a lesson the hard way. I had gym first period and one Monday when we were coming back from a break, most of my classmates coming into the locker room were really solemn and subdued. I was feeling quite bubbly and happy that morning and after being chipper to a couple of the girls I was friendlier with and getting nothing back, I asked, “Who died?”

        Yeah, a classmate had committed suicide over break. Absolutely mortifying and not at all funny.

      5. Someone*

        I accidentally asked someone why they were selling a really nice Ergo baby carrier. Duh.

      6. AnotherOne*

        That’s definitely worse than having to help people buy coping with death books for their children.

        But yeah, you got a LOT of awkward stories that way. People are grieving- and you are a total stranger they can share their grief with.

        1. This is She*

          Yup. When I was working in retail a hundred years ago (women’s clothing) a woman came in with an adolescent girl and said she needed to buy a dress for her daughter. I was all cheery and “absolutely! what’s the occasion?” and she said “Her sister just died.”

    2. DenseShoeSeller*

      I had a similar experience while working at the mall shoe store. We were required to bring a minimum of three pairs of shoes to the customer, even when they only asked to try on one pair. A lady asked to try on a simple black pump, so I brought her some fancier heels as well. She was shopping for shoes to wear to her mom’s funeral…..

      1. Attractive Nuisance*

        When I was in high school I was trying on a bunch of black dresses in a department store. My mom was with me and she started chatting with another mom about how teen girls these days are so shy with their fashion choices. I finally chose a dress I liked and when I came out to show my mom, the dressing room attendant said cheerfully, “That looks great, but why don’t we try something with a little color?” and winked at me.

        After a moment of stunned silence my mom had to awkwardly explain that I was buying a dress for my grandmother’s funeral.

    3. Baby Yoda*

      Ugh. One of my first jobs was at a women’s clothing store which was mainly for youngsters. When a young woman tossed a bunch of black outfits on the counter to purchase I made some comment about going to a funeral. She then told me her husband had died. Just ugh.

    4. Slightly Less Evil Bunny*

      To any bank clerks out there: if someone is depositing a substantial check in person, don’t smile and ask them if they won the lottery. At least not until you’ve verified that the check is not written on an account that is “The Estate of”.

      Happened to me when my mom died. I was already trying really hard to hold it together, and that did not help.

      1. Mrs. Hawiggins*

        THIS happened to me.
        “Oh did you sell something?” The teller asked.
        “No, our father died.”

        I never saw her again.

      2. Hannah Lee*

        I worked as a teller for a while (and was trained right, by someone who knew that sometimes customers were dealing with difficult times). I can’t believe some of the things tellers say to me or other customers, loudly, in front of other people.

      3. darcy*

        when I was getting coffee at the train station with a big suitcase on my way to stay with my mum to help care for my dying grandad the person at the coffee shop clocked my suitcase and went “ooh, going somewhere nice?”
        A completely flat “no” wasn’t enough to discourage her and her follow up question was “ah, work travel?”
        I just about managed to say “no” again rather than crying/snaping “no, I’m going to watch my grandad die” because she was just trying to be nice but jeez

        1. Anonymath*

          I’ve found when people are being extra insensitive and won’t take the hint from the first non-response to an inappropriate question, returning the awkward to the sender by giving that snap response to the second probing question can help the intrusive person learn NOT to keep asking.

          Just after husband and I had decided to end our year + of expensive not-covered-by-insurance fertility treatments, a former co-worker asked if my husband and I were planning on having additional children (Why ask this at work?!?). After responding with a no, the co-worked followed-up by suggesting our child would be lonely as an only child and do we think we would reconsider. That earned her the polite-but-flat response that we had tried for years and it wasn’t medically possible, through watery eyes. She not only backed off, she also tended to avoid me after that, which was a bonus.

    5. DrRat*

      On the “awkward death stuff” theme…my sister called to cancel her husband’s credit cards after his death, and for one got an Indian call center. She said she needed to cancel the card and the man cheerfully said fine, he just needed to speak with Mr. X. My sister said “He’s deceased.” The guy said in a perky voice, “Okay, I understand, I just need to speak with him.” My sister, who is much nicer than I am, quietly explained, “Deceased means dead” at which point it finally got through and the guy apologized and took care of it. My theory later was that with English as a second language, the call center guy heard “deceased” as “diseased” and thought her husband was just ill.

      1. Bizhiki*

        English is actually one of India’s official languages, so this may be more of a hearing mishap than a second language thing. Folks often think Indian accents mean the people aren’t native speakers, but a few hundred years of colonization have put paid to that in many cases.

        1. Seeking second childhood*

          Dialect drift is real though, and pronunciations are the harbinger.
          I’ve told this story before, so short version: an old friend did in-person translation between two native English speakers who had been working on an academic project via email. Bronx & Glasgow pronunciations are that different.

          1. Mallory Janis Ian*

            Even just watching Billy Elliott, it took my a while for me (southern U.S.) to understand their accents (northern England). I became acclimated after about half hour of the movie and I could understand them perfectly, but at first it was like hearing an entirely different language.

            1. allathian*

              When I was in college, I volunteered as an exchange student tutor. One of the foreign students, a guy from Glasgow, sought my company to the point that for a while I thought he had a crush on me. It turned out that I was the only one of either the tutors, or other foreign students, who could understand him when he spoke Glaswegian. With everyone else, he had to moderate his speech to something closer to standard British English. I was flattered, but at the same time it felt a bit strange that he’d say that, he at least was speaking his first language.

            2. Reluctant Manager*

              I watched Trainspotting not long after I got to Paris, and even though my French wasn’t amazing, the subtitles were key.

        2. RebelwithMouseyHair*

          English is an official language in some states in India, but certainly not all, and a staggering 90% of Indians in India do not speak English.

      2. Beebis*

        I saw this exact mistake in writing once. Got a case that had something to do with a guy’s “diseased wife” when they clearly meant “deceased”

    6. LobsterPhone*

      I used to get a lot of feedback about how I needed to be more social and engaging with my colleagues at work, more cheery good mornings etc….one morning I arrived at work and noticed a big bunch of flowers on someone’s desk so I asked about the bouquet, that was nice of the person who gave them (another colleague), nothing intrusive, just general oh hey those are nice, lucky you…then the colleague who gave them came up to me later and explained that it was the anniversary of the death of the other colleague’s husband.

    7. Numbat*

      I truly felt for the hospital worker who came into my Grandpa’s hospital room to offer lunch service… only to be told that no, my dead Grandpa does not need lunch. (He had been dead a couple hours, there was a sign on the door…)

    8. Hellokitty Supporter*

      So my story is death/retail related. It wasn’t my work, but how I mortified someone else at their work. It’s funny now, but at the time I’m sure I scarred that sales lady!

      So a close high school friend of mine passed away after an accident about 3 days after we both started grad school, when I was 23-24. I didn’t have anything appropriate to wear to a funeral so I headed to the local mall. In addition to all the emotional turmoil around my friends death – we had also dated briefly, and I was hoping to rekindle that relationship, so I was a mess – I was also in a bit of denial about my clothing size. I was just on the cusp of needing plus-size, so in most stores the biggest size they have is a bit too small, but in plus-size stores the smallest size they had was too big. Annoying any time, but at this particular time I just could NOT handle it. So I need funeral clothes, I go to the mall, I’ve been in 3-4 stores already, nothing is working and I am at the end of my rope, but I still need to find something to wear. Remember Casual Corner? It was a shop for women, mostly work type clothing, and their claim to fame was that they used the same fabric for all sorts of things. So if you found a pair of pants or a dress you liked, there would also be a skirt, a jacket, a different skirt etc. in that same fabric so you could mix and match to your taste. It was actually a great idea, especially when you were just starting out in the work world and couldn’t afford a whole bunch of new suits. Anyway, I head into the store and immediately find a black dress, and go to try it on. The sales lady asked if I need help, I decline. I’m pretty done with people at this point. The dress won’t zip because it’s just a hair to small. I am super frustrated. The poor sales lady, trying to be helpful, starts bringing me all of the coordinates – ‘If you like the dress, here’s a jacket that matches. Here’s the pants to go with the jacket. Do you want to try a skirt?”

      I COMPLETELY LOST it. I start crying like, cartoon tears – tears are literally shooting out of my eyes in a big arc. I’m babbling about how the dress if for a funeral, how unfair it is to have lost my friend, just everything, every emotion I’d had over the previous days, poured out onto this poor lady. Also, when I sob like that, it isn’t a delicate tear-stained thing, so there was also a runny nose, a red face, the works. This poor woman backs out of the changing area with a very faint “I’ll just leave you to it then” and I get me clothes back on and leave the store, with neither of us acknowledging the other. I went home – I was clearly not in the headspace to shop.

    9. On Fire*

      Very late replying to this.

      When my dad died, several of the family went from the hospital to my house to … breathe? Begin processing?

      It had been a long week; nobody had eaten pretty much all day, and of course nobody felt up to cooking. There was a pizza place near my house, so I called on my way home and ordered several pizzas and a couple of 2-liters. When I arrived to pick it up, the clerk handed over my order and asked, “Big party?”

      “No, just some family getting together.”

      “Yep,” he insisted. “That’s a party.”

      I didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness, so I just paid and left.

  4. cabbagepants*

    This one is so bad I’m using an alias of my regular alias!

    When I was a student I was working late and had already shut down my computer but then realized I needed to check one more email. My older colleague (post doc; I was a grad student) had left her computer logged in so I stupidly went to her computer to log in to our web based email client. Before I got anywhere, she came back and I jumped away. She really awkwardly told me never to go onto her computer again. She had never been warm to me but she was icy after that. That would have been mortifying enough, if not for the fact that…

    …years later I learned she had been having a secret relationship with our boss while he was still finalizing guys divorce from his ex wife. I guess she was afraid I’d discover it? He ended up firing me over a professional disagreement I had with this post-doc after she’d moved on to a new position, on a project that should have had nothing to do with him. Many things caused the relationships to tank but I can’t help but think the awful computer incident, which was a total lapse of judgement on my part, didn’t help.

    1. Fluffy Fish*

      Aw this isn’t as bad as you think!

      Yeah, it was presumptuous to use her computer without asking (more so if it was her personal computer vs a company computer). But it’s honestly a very minor transgression. I would have said – hey, please ask before you use my computer – and that would have been the end of it.

      Her and the boss on the other hand should be mortified for their behavior and actions. Being a jerk to a colleague, having a relationship with a subordinate, firing you……horrible terrible bad stuff.

      1. TechWorker*

        Fwiw using someone else’s work computer/login is very much not ok at many companies. Probably not a ‘immediate firing’ sort of offence but also not a minor transgression. If there’s any sort of security breach or something malicious done to the system, they need to be able to trace it back to the right user, for Eg.

        1. EPLawyer*

          I think she was only using the computer that was turned on. She did say “went to log on.” So I think she was using her own log on to get to her email. Otherwise she couldn’t access it.

        2. KateM*

          But that means that the person whose computer was tu be used should not have left their screen unlocked.

        3. Fluffy Fish*

          I am aware this is the case. Those companies make it very very clear that it is not okay and what the repercussions are.

          OP was a student and I’m sure they would have state if they worked at a company like that.

          It was a thoughtless error.

      2. Ivka*

        Agreed. Not to pile on cabbagepants but for anyone else reading – that would be a serious (not fireable, but serious) no-no anywhere that works with privileged client material (a broader category than you might think).

        That said, almost discovering the affair is a mortifying consequence of THEIR actions – nothing to do with what you did!

        1. Fluffy Fish*

          As I stated above, when you work someplace like that, it’s made abundantly clear that it is a serious no-no.

          That does not appear to be the case here as they didn’t mention anything about violating company policy, just a mad colleague.

          1. Mike S*

            Where I’ve worked, the sin is in leaving your computer unlocked, not using someone else’s computer.
            I had a coworker run to our boss’s office after coming back from the bathroom to see an “I quit” e-mail on his computer addressed to her.

      3. Sequoia*

        The reaction was partly due to the secret relationship, but at every company I’ve worked at even touching someone else’s computer is taboo. Akin to touching someone else’s purse or handkerchief or something. The few times I’ve forgotten to lock my screen and someone’s locked it for me they’ve told me about it afterwards and apologized for touching my stuff.

        That said, people still do it. I actually use a different keyboard layout partly so “borrowing” my computer “helping me” by grabbing my keyboard aren’t viable options.

      4. Bethany*

        I agree that touching someone else’s computer is taboo, but I always make sure there is nothing on my work computer I would ever be embarrassed about if someone else looked. It’s not my personal device.

  5. Amy L*

    Walking into work on a windy day and in front of 2 men, my skirt basically flew up and practically wrapped itself around my head. Yes. Mortified.

    1. Dust Bunny*

      Not work-related, but you know those giant cardboard bins they have outside of the grocery store, full of melons or pumpkins or other large, heavy, fruit?

      I once leaned over to get a watermelon, only the melon was heavier than I anticipated and I went in head first. In a relatively short skirt. Fortunately, it was near closing time and there was hardly anyone around but it was straight out of the cartoons.

      1. Pippa K*

        I’m sorry but this one is hilarious. From a bystander’s point of view it must have looked like one of the melons grabbed you and pulled you in!

          1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

            Yeah – my mind also went straight to “Little Shop of Horrors” reading that one.

      2. Be kind, rewind*

        Hahaha I’m picturing that moment from Mean Girls when Lindsey Lohan goes head first upside-down into a garbage bin.

      3. No Longer Gig-less Data Analyst*

        I wasn’t wearing a skirt, thank God, but as a very short person this happened to me at Costco when I spotted a Grogu (Baby Yoda) Squishmallow in the bottom of one of those giant cardboard bins at the height of The Mandalorian’s popularity. My husband had to pull me out!

        I don’t even have little kids, I just wanted it for myself, lol.

    2. Not Today Josephine*

      I was working at a company of about 100 employees. I had gone to the ladies room probably an hour before, when I realized that I had tucked the back of my skirt into my underpants. And was walking around like this. Not one person mentioned it to me. I am still embarrassed.

      1. Meow*

        Friggin skirts. I have a really cute one that is the perfect length that it seems to immediately find its way into the toilet bowl when I get in a stall. The first time I wore it to work I came out of the stall and realized it was absolutely soaked all the way down the back. Luckily it was a Friday and hardly anyone works in the office on fridays, because I had to try to rinse it out and then sit with a wet skirt for a few hours till it dried.

        1. KRM*

          We had a “rain or shine” volunteer day where many of us chose the outside option. It was pouring out, and we all dressed in rain gear. However, most rain gear is not meant to withstand 3 hours of work outside in heavy rain, so we were all soaked by the time we were done. I had brought a change of clothes (I’m sure most people did), but not a change of underwear, and also had brought a (light colored) skirt to change into. Lots of judicious paper towel usage allowed me to be able to sit down, but it was not a happy time.

        2. Marmalade Today*

          “Friggin skirts,” indeed!
          My first office job was in customer service for a start up that was growing pretty quickly. Tasks would come up that weren’t really anybody’s job description yet. We all wanted these, both for the chance to be off the phones, and also because, with luck, you might get a reputation for being good at whatever it was and that could lead to an actual new position. Twice, the office manager asked me to help set up equipment (desks, phones, computers) for new employees. Unfortunately, the second time I happened to be wearing a skirt – a perfectly modest, slightly below the knee, pleated skirt, over opaque tights. I thought it would be fine if I was reasonably careful, but my manager glanced my way as I was crawling under a desk, and called me over. “Would you like to go home and change?” I said “no”, because I was almost done, and finished the job. But I guess that was wrong, because he never tapped me for that kind of job again, and somehow only male employees were asked to do any thing with boxes or tools after that. I didn’t wear a skirt again for several years.

          1. JESUS IS THE MAN!*

            That sounds less like “friggin skirts!” and more like “friggin manager!”

            I mean, nothing in what you’ve written suggests that you were giving the office a show. I’m a little grossed out that he had such a problem with someone doing manual labor while presenting as feminine, you know?

      3. Asenath*

        I’ve done that (skirt tucked into my underpants waistband). I like wearing skirts and dresses, especially the more casual styles and especially in warm weather. At one time, I had a long (not ankle-length, but well below my knees) bright burgundy circle skirt that I loved for the way it moved and swished around when I walked. I wore it to work often, and it not only got caught in my waistband, it got caught in the quickly closing and automatically locking door to the staff toilet, requiring me to stop rather abruptly in a busy hallway, twist myself around, and unlock the door to free myself.

        1. LPUK*

          Also busty so tend to wear jumpers. One day I had a v- neck jumper that looked Ok in the mirror when I got dressed, but which proved to be an issue when, during a presentation, I bent over to adjust the lens of the projector. One of my male colleagues ( I was the only woman in the room said ‘ woah xxx , can you please put your breasts away , they’re very distracting’. That jumper is still in the back of the drawer 20 years later!

          1. Carol the happy elf*

            CPR Instructor-Trainer friend told me they always kept logo tshirts, because a perfectly modest V- or scoop neck blouse becomes quite a display when doing compressions. Also, when nurses had to wear dresses, sitting by a low stretcher so the patient got a crotch shot was– going to mess with the vitals. One way or another. Dental assistants, too, I am told.

        2. Middle Aged Lady*

          My favorite trick was to roll over my long skirts with my office chair, not realize it, then try to stand up.

          1. Robin*

            Oh goodness the number of times I have managed to do this…but I love my long skirts too much to give them up

        3. Seeking second childhood*

          I stopped wearing full, calf-length skirts after one got tangled in the wheels of my office chair and ripped rather impressively. ( I used to stay spectacularly, but after reading today’s stories I’ve downgraded it. Yes I had to remove the bottom tier of the skirt, but nothing above my knees was showing!)

      4. GythaOgden*

        This is me too. I work side by side with someone else so they caught it quickly, but gosh yes, something many of us can relate to!

      5. Betsy Not Elizabeth*

        This reminded me of the time I noticed a woman walking several paces ahead of me over a footbridge in Century City, California. Her skirt was tucked into her pantyhose (yes, it was in those dark days) and to make it worse, she wasn’t wearing underwear. I made a quick decision, caught up with her and in one perfectly executed movement managed to untuck her skirt, utter a cheery “There you go!” and continued walking quickly ahead of her to avoid making it any MORE awkward!

        I must have walked over that same footbridge dozens of times after that and never saw her again, thankfully for both of us.

      6. JESUS IS THE MAN!*

        Did that at church once, and someone took me aside and discreetly told me about it as I was heading down the aisle from communion. A W K W A R D

    4. Charlotte Lucas*

      Was once leaning over a 2nd floor railing watching people walk in to work. The railing had a clear glass divider underneath. I was wearing an A-line skirt. Someone I knew walked in & told me to step at least a foot back from the railing.

      Note to corporate architects: women often wear skirts. Make sure your designs don’t allow strangers to look up them!

      1. OrigCassandra*

        There’s a Fancy Art Library that got called aaaaaaaaaaall the way out after construction for corrugated-metal flooring and glass stairs. Upskirt city.

        1. hamsterpants*

          Omg. I assume there are many sane, reasonable architects out there. It always baffles me how many high profile architecture projects give “making a statement” 90% and actual practical considerations 10%.

          1. Observer*

            This. Because it’s not just about “up-skirt city”, as bad as that is. Corrugated metal flooring sounds like a nightmare for anyone who wears heels, and makes anything on wheels harder to move. And depending on how the corrugation lays, you are also probably looking at people twisting their ankles, etc.

            Who on earth approved that design?!

            1. Jay*

              The same people who approved deep-pile carpeting for the area outside the elevators in a hospital. Pile was so deep it was essentially impossible to push a wheelchair or a gurney. Which they discovered after installation.

              Yeah.

              1. Lady_Lessa*

                Must have been the same folks who designed the late (and probably unlamented) Burroughs Wellcome building in Research Triangle Park, NC. Lovely to look at, but not a straight wall in the labs.

            2. Bronze Betty*

              Not the same thing, but several years ago I worked in a large one-tenant building that was essentially a maze, with pods identified as A, B, C, etc. Your ID badge had a map of the building on the back, to assist you in getting around. It was madness.

              My first day on the job, I was escorted to my department, and my co-workers showed me how to get to the cafeteria, bathrooms, etc. On my second day, I wandered around in circles while consulting my badge map, trying to find my department. and my desk. After I passed one person’s desk (in another department), someone took pity on me and led me to my destination. It took quite a while to get the layout of the land.

              The company has gone out of business and the property has sat empty for years because it is huge (too big for most businesses), and the cost to divide it up for multiple tenants is prohibitive. A waste, as the building itself was nice. Nice to look at, difficult to use.

          2. Rake*

            I used to work in a building known internationally for it’s architecture. I think you are vastly overestimating the number of reasonable architects…

            1. Bagpuss*

              Yes. A few years ago they opened a brand new court building which we had to use. It did look nice – big airy atrium and a very elegant staircase, but it had far too few consultation rooms and they were all tiny. It was (and is) a ‘hub’ for Child Care cases, for which you will typically have a *minimum* of 6 people needing to sit down together before the hearing (Mother’s lawyers, father’s lawyer, local authority’s lawyer, child’s lawyer, social worker and child’s guardian, and often more, if there is more than one child or any extended family involved.)
              I don’t think a single one of the rooms is big enough to allow 6 people and a table (& I suspect you would really struggle if you were a wheelchair user, too)

              I think you get similar issues with theatre productions- they design sets that look great from the premium sets but never seem to check on the view from the cheaper ones. I don’t expect as good a view but I don’t feel that the set itself should block the view of the stage…

          3. Artemesia*

            We looked at apartments in a perfectly stunning building by a brilliant architect in downtown Chicago. I would estimate that this small apartment had 40% wasted useless space. There was a huge pillar in the living area and the space beyond it was too small for a chair or to be a useful nook — so just about 20% of the small living room gone.

            The entry/hall system were billed as ‘office space’ but nothing beyond a tiny tiny desk would fit, so it was huge square footage useless. But it was a beautiful building.

            We ended up in an older building where every inch is usable.

          4. BubbleTea*

            The law faculty at the University of Cambridge won design awards. And then they tried to use it. And they had to spend a fortune adding walls.

            1. Siege*

              It’s the whole open office thing. If you read the original story on the (what else) design firm that went open plan and hot desking, it’s clear it doesn’t work, and the idea was developed because someone with autonomy to work as he pleased felt he was more productive not working at a desk. So here we are with open offices and got desks that have more drawbacks than benefits when really what was needed was to give people autonomy to figure out how they work best and provide that. But that doesn’t win design awards.

      2. Alice*

        Yep. We had a bathroom floor retiled with very shiny marble that was basically a mirror. Lasted less than a week before workmen were back ripping it out. Also a brand new bathroom in a brand new office with a very fancy long sloped sink (similar to the Kim kardashian home)- but no where to put a jacket or bag. Not a single shelf or mirror, so we had to put our things in the floor. We all commented it was clearly designed by a man.

        1. no longer working*

          Our village put up all new street signs… in an Old English font. Completely unreadable. All were replaced.

      3. RebelwithMouseyHair*

        My partner was working on a building and decided to put glass floors on all levels so that even in the basement there would be a well of natural light. He very proudly showed me the results, and I said, well, any woman living here will immediately cover that with a huge rug. He looked at me wide-eyed and I said, you know women wear skirts? He was shocked.

    5. Anonymouse*

      Got a new job at 30 years old. had to wear dress ir skirt. Didn’t know that my backpack would make my dress ride up. As I walked the MILE TO MY OFFICE!

      1. Hills to Die on*

        Oh, I did that too! Bonus that I was wearing stockings and a garter belt. Because I was extra. face palm.

        1. Nonny-nonny-non*

          I once accidentally gathered up my flowy skirt along with a rug I was taking to a till point to sell to a customer. While wearing stockings and (red) garter belt. Thankfully the customer was gentlemanly enough to not react other than a polite “I think you’ve caught your skirt slightly” to me.

          1. LPUK*

            I think I’ve told this before, but I was a retail buyer in a really small office where I had to hold negotiations. Big meeting with big company- I ushered them into to my office and then had to squeeze past to get to my chair. I was wearing a lightweight wrap skirt and suspenders… the suspenders got caught on the chair and took my skirt with them. Left showing my stockings and underwear to two startled account managers. The negotiation never really got started after that, I honestly don’t know who was more mortified

      2. Siege*

        Been there, done that. I had a couple of lovely suede messenger bags where the nap would “grab” my skirt and walk it up. I kept carrying the bags after I learned this (I still have one as part of my evacuation protocol since it’ll hold my cat) but I spent a lot of time shoving my arm between my body and the bag.

      3. Barky Barkyson*

        Oof…I was in Italy one summer (note, I do not speak Italian), I think I may have been in or near Verona but was in a very un-touristy area, and I saw a young woman walking in a skirt with a backpack. The skirt had completely ridden up, exposing her thong-clad butt. She was completely oblivious. I didn’t want to touch her, she spoke no English. I tried to mime something to indicate to her she needed to pull her skirt down…it probably just looked like I was doing a weird hip/butt-centric dance. Finally some Italian person ran up and presumably let her know what was going on. She walked away embarrassed. I walked away feeling like I could’ve handled it better.

      4. AnotherOne*

        I had that happen time and again with my backpack from grad school. When I was getting a new laptop backpack, I spent an inordinate amount of time making sure that wouldn’t happen.

        Considering things like material, how far down my back does the bag go, wanting to know who the f- designs these bags. I literally walked around the store for like 20 minutes with it on- and after I bought it, promptly thru everything- including said laptop- into the bag to make sure my skirt wouldn’t ride up.

        No problems.

      5. Alli*

        I have done this as well… along one of the busiest streets in the city I lived in. I found out when a random lady pulled up her car to let me know that my butt was hanging out and I might want to do something about it…

    6. Maxie's Mommy*

      I was walking back from lunch in a not-great part of downtown. I heard footsteps behind me coming quicker and quicker, so I laced my keys between my fingers, turned around and said “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”” The very nice older gentleman said, “I just wanted to tell you that your skirt zipper is unzipped.”

      1. Uranus Wars*

        This happened to me in a parking garage! Or a similar thing – I was walking into a hospital and a car was creeping me. I finally turned around exasperated and the woman driving said “You have a split in your dress”.

        It was a purple dress. I was wearing neon yellow underwear. I have no idea how many people I saw that day who watch my yellow rear walking away from them. This happened around 2 in the afternoon and I had been working all day visiting hospitals for work.

    7. Deanna*

      This happened to me when I was on holiday in Spain after I didn’t check my skirt was out my underpants after going to the toilet and accidentally flashed my arse to a busy cafe. Thankfully the patrons alerted me immediately while laughing. I was just grateful I was wearing nice underpants!

      1. Artemesia*

        I was at the Lyric opera when I tucked skirt into panty hose — luckily some kind woman in the restroom alerted me before I flashed a few hundred people on my way to our seats with my seat. I think all women everywhere have a duty to rescue other women from clothing mishaps. I have certainly paid it forward many times.

        1. Puggles*

          It happened to me at church! Many moons ago when I was a teenager I walked out of the bathroom with my dress tucked into my underwear. All the teenage boys were in the foyer and saw me! ugh! My best friend’s brother was the one who came over and whispered in my ear to fix the backside of my dress! I nearly died of embarrassment. I’m still mortified after all these years.

        2. H3llifIknow*

          Twice… in the same day! Had lunch with hubby and some of his coworkers and hit the loo on the way out… One of them whispered it to hubby who had to tell me “Your skirt…fix it!” and I realized it was tucked into my undies. That evening he and I met another couple at a bar/bistro for dinner and drinks and on my way out of the restroom a woman sitting at the bar came running after me to tell me to fix my skirt as it was tucked in.. again! I loved that skirt but it was so light and gauzy that I knew this was going to keep happening and I threw it away!

    8. DANGER: Gumption Ahead*

      My skirt unzipped and started sliding off my hips during the middle of an interview, in the middle of the street as we walked between buildings. I wasn’t wearing tights/hose and was wearing a thong. I caught it and kept talking and walking while trying keep it on and zip it up, but that was awkward. I also didn’t get the job.

      1. JanetM*

        Not at work, but a few months ago my wrap-and-tie skirt came untied and fell completely off while I was in the security line at the airport. Fortunately I was wearing a long slip and a long blouse, so I wasn’t indecent, just mortified.

        1. Observer*

          This kind of story is one of the reasons I won’t wear anything that uses a tie as it’s main way of staying up. It’s got to have a hook or a good button or something like that.

          Yes, anything can come undone. But Tie closures on skirts are THE thing I hear the most about, with sippers coming in a distant second.

          1. Siege*

            If you actually need a zipper to get a garment on, it’s at least not going to come down if the zip undoes itself. I truly hate pointless zippers, though.

        2. Asenath*

          I gave up on wrap skirts, as much as I like skirts generally. I have never found one that would stay in place when I was walking outdoors in our rather windy climate, although I don’t think I ever lost one completely.

          1. Gracely*

            The trick to wearing skirts in a windy climate is to sew dress weights into the hem.

            1. SyFyGeek*

              I found out mid-morning that I needed to attend a meeting across campus in the afternoon. I was wearing a knee length circle skirt that any breeze caused it to flutter. The weather forecast was calling for windy conditions in the afternoon. On my lunch break I drove to a fabric store, bought curtain weights and safety pins, went back to my office, and safety pinned them to the inside of my skirt hem. All to walk to a meeting that could have been handled in an email.

            2. Deanna*

              My trick is to wear shorts underneath the skirt (especially if it’s a nice flowy skirt) because I live in a windy part of the world and do NOT trust my non pencil skirts to stay down.

        3. Laura L*

          I unknowingly shut the tie to my wraparound skirt in my desk drawer. I realized after I was standing skirtless by the file cabinet.

      2. Azure Jane Lunatic*

        I always wear skirts, and always wear shorts or something underneath them. I had a very new job, and made the mistake of wearing a slinky synthetic knit skirt over a very new pair of slinky synthetic warm-layer leggings that my mother had sent me. I tripped a bit in the parking lot, stepped on the hem of my skirt, and realized my mistake as the skirt fell all the way down around my ankles.

        I had gotten over the pure mortification by the time I got into the building, so I spent the rest of the day (successfully) struggling to not overshare by mentioning it. I didn’t have any friends there yet, let alone a friend with the same sense of humor who would appreciate the moment.

    9. Juneybug*

      Back in the day when I was a new mom, I wore a mini skirt to the mall. It was the thing to do on a hot day in California in the 80s.
      My toddler wanted me to carry him instead being in his stroller. So as I picked him up, his foot caught my skirt hem and hiked it up my waist. I showed my underwear to everyone in a very crowded mall. And this was a time when he was clingy so it took a wrestling match to get him down. Meanwhile my skirt is still hiked up. I turned beet red and left the mall in a hurry. I could the laughter of those shoppers for days in my head.

      1. voluptuousfire*

        Heh. My mom told the story of how when I was a toddler and she was holding me while in line at the bank and I untied the knot holding up her halter sundress. LOL The woman behind her saw what I did and let her know and redid the knot for her.

      2. Run mad; don't faint*

        I was running errands on my day off with a nine month old on my hip. Went into one place to take care of some paperwork and baby pulls the neckline of my knit top down halfway to my waist. And kept repeating it, even to the point of squirming around to grab it again after I turned him outward. He had found a great new game and was so pleased with himself! I was so glad the female associate was the one I dealt with that day. And I put the top in the ‘give away’ pile the next day.

      3. CatMintCat*

        I was in the motor registry getting my photo taken for my driver’s licence when my toddler son decided he was going to pull my skirt down in an attempt to climb me. Five years I had to live with that photo (of my face as I tried to push him down without upsetting him and retain some dignity).

        He’s 32 now. I must remind him.

    10. Miette*

      This happened to me walking up the stairs at Christopher Street PATH station in NYC many years ago. Training coming into station = tremendous rush of air throughout the station (and up the stairs). Reminding me of the importance of wearing bike shorts underneath my skirts lol.

    11. Not THAT Karen*

      I once walked around the office for over an hour with my skirt tucked into my pantyhose and nobody pulled me aside to say something!

    12. NYC Taxi*

      I was wearing a wraparound skirt that untied itself and fell off as I was walking down the street in midtown Manhattan. Luckily it was in the fall and I had on a raincoat. I stepped over it, just kept walking and went into what was then a Bolton’s and bought a new skirt. A few coworkers commented that they thought I was wearing a different skirt before lunch, but I denied it – no, same skirt!

    13. NerdyPrettyThings*

      Oh my gosh, this reminds me of the time when a bee flew up my sleeve just as I was getting into my car at work. I had to take off my whole shirt to get it out. Luckily, this isn’t really a mortification story, because I was in able to stay in my car, where I don’t THINK the security cameras could see me.

      1. Cathie from Canada*

        I was student-teaching for the first time to a classroom of 14-year-olds and all the boys in the class seemed to be laughing and I couldn’t figure it out.
        Finally one of the girls whispered to me that the middle button on my blouse was undone so my bra was visible. I was able to just button it up and carry on but I never forgot my mortification….
        Until a year later, the next time I was student teaching, again to a class of 14-year-olds, when I started talking about the Reformation and how many “religious sects” were active during that time and, again, all the boys seemed to be laughing. I figured this one out by myself eventually.

        1. Hungry Magpie*

          My mom, an elementary school teacher for many years (and also in Canada!), had similar confusion when she read a story that mentioned a “haughty butler” and the girls started giggling. It took her a second to figure out that the kids were thinking “hottie” instead!

      2. LPUK*

        I used to unbutton my waistbands when I was feeling full, until the night when I was at a restaurant in my favourite circular swishy skirt and forgot to button it back up before I stood up, only to find myself skirt less in stockings and suspendaers in the middle of a restaurant…

        Also, my Mum went out to dinner in a button through dress and jacket. The waiter offered to help my Mum by taking her jacket off. She turned round to a table of businessmen as the waiter reached for her jacket. With a great flourish he pulled it off and the top half of the dress went with it, leaving Mum topless except for a rather sexy bra in front of the table of businessmen

      3. LPUK*

        I was driving to work once and one of my stud earrings fell out and went down my cleavage. It lodged with the pin in my skin which was deeply uncomfortable, so when I hit a red light I thought I’d take the opportunity to get it out. Unfortunately as I stuck a hand down my shirt, I dislodged the earring and it went further down, so I ended up groping around for it. Finally I got hold of it and hauled it out of my shirt… only to find the guy in the car alongside me had been watching the whole thing

        1. Retired (but not really)*

          I was working in a Renfaire booth that had slats instead of a roof. There were plenty of squirrels and oak trees around. The squirrels liked to drop acorns on the “intruders” into their territory. I was welcoming a customer into the booth when one of the acorns found my cleavage. I tried unsuccessfully to be nonchalant.

        2. Antares*

          I was just driving home from work yesterday when someone in the car next to me almost watched me swerve and crash into their car. A wasp flew in my window…panic attack.

    14. Momma Bear*

      I have a wrap skirt I love that doesn’t love me. At least twice it has unfurled in public, once while walking into church.

    16. Alliesaurus*

      Coworker at OldJob once caught her shirt in a door and only realized once the door had closed and fully caught her in it. A locked door. With no fob access or any way to get back in. And it was late on a Friday afternoon so no one else was around.

      Thankfully she had a camisole on and it was a flowy shirt (hence the getting caught) so she managed to wriggle out of it and then went around to the front of the building so she could get back inside and retrieve her shirt.

      She told me later and thought it was hilarious, but I can’t even imagine if she hadn’t been able to get free so easily!

    17. Reluctant Manager*

      Not me but a colleague–standing outside the doors at an international conference, waiting for it to open. Her slip (she wore a slip!) just fell to the ground. Some other attendees just watched it happen… She stepped to the side out of the slip, picked it up, put it in her bag, smiled and shrugged at the audience. Such grace!

      2. Lexi Vipond*

        One of the members of a group I dance with once had her underskirt fall off in the middle of a performance – she just stepped over it and danced on!

      3. The Rafters*

        I was walking with a coworker and the same thing happened to her! I don’t know how she did it, but she *very gracefully* stepped out of it, swooped it up and put it in her bag. I couldn’t stop laughing.

    18. Alan*

      Many years ago a secretary at work was wearing some wraparound skirt at the copying machine and it totally came undone and she didn’t notice she was standing there pressing buttons with her skirt hanging to the side. Another (male) employee clued her in. That said, she was so sweet that I never heard any gossip about it. She was extremely loved. These things happen.

    19. GlutenFreePharmacist*

      On my very first day as the residency program director, the retiring director, new residents and I went to lunch to welcome them to the team. I was quite early in my career for a program director and was a nervous about making a good impression. I am also incredibly clumsy. On the way out of the restaurant, I tripped and fell right into the street. Thankfully, the only casualty was my pride and we had a great residency year, but it was not how I wanted to start my new role!

  6. Dust Bunny*

    (I work in a library) My boss asked me to figure out if we could compact A linear feet of books on X number of shelves onto X/2 number of shelves. Only I am horrendous at basic arithmetic–like, clinically. I have dyscalculia–and calculated them onto X/4 shelves.

    It turned out that we would eventually have needed to compact them that much, anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal, but it was mortifying at the time, especially since I had double-checked my math over and over. With a calculator, even.

      1. Dust Bunny*

        . . . sometimes. I calculated it several times and got several answers. My ability to get arithmetic wrong is nothing short of miraculous.

    3. Lie-berry-in*

      I recently told an engineer I needed to do some “library math” before giving them an answer about our stacks. Amused, they asked “Is that different from regular math?”

      I swear library math is harder than it seems!

    5. Serenity*

      I know this series is YA, but PLEASE tell me you’ve read Brandon Sanderson’s Alcatraz series! It has evil librarians and being bad at math is a superpower!

  7. Waterbird*

    A few years ago, I tried to message one of my coworkers about how I thought one of the projects we were assigned was particularly stupid… and accidentally messaged the project manager instead. By some miracle, he agreed with me. Could’ve been a lot worse, but I haven’t trusted a messaging system since!

    1. Alexis Rosay*

      Reminds me of when a coworker was trying to get me to purchase a very overpriced new speaker system—I replied over email saying I thought it was stupid and their claims were wildly inflated but sent it directly to the sales rep instead of my coworker. She came to my office and asked to speak to me in the middle of a meeting, and I didn’t realize why until days later.

    2. Wendy City*

      In the era of remote work, I think the only meetings that should be scheduled are ones exclusively for shit-talking. Never leave a paper trail!

      1. Meep*

        This morning I was in a zoom meeting with my boss and my coworker. My coworker kept asking if my boss was present and he refused to say anything to her. Meanwhile, he was texting me complaining about how she is all talk and no action. After that, I wonder what his complaints were about me to her.*

        *For the record, he will openly tell me if he has issues with me and that if he doesn’t tell me and I hear it about it from someone else, he was mildly frustrated at the time, but got over it. Because well… that is life. You aren’t going to like everyone every single second of the day.

      2. Migraine Month*

        I recently moved to a job where almost all of my emails and texts are open to Freedom of Information requests. When I’m frustrated by a particularly slow-moving project, I give a rant during my 1-on-1 with my manager and write down nothing.

    3. Project Manager*

      As a Project Manager…9 times out of 10 I agree that the project is stupid.

    4. Siege*

      I have this Thing about not using address books on my email or phone. I fully admit I am a weird person. But I was PRETTY sure a couple months back I was calling the right person in my work phone. I learned I was not right about that when I accidentally called someone else who just deflated when she realized I hadn’t meant to call her. I was mostly able to salvage it but she’s someone who doesn’t like me much and is overly warm to compensate (she’s also just overly warm in general but there’s an overly overly warm quality to how we interact). But it was the kick I needed to start assigning contacts. I just usually memorize phone numbers and have a fear of butt-dialing people. (Like the other day when I called out for a pet emergency and FaceTimed my boss from target when my partner and I were having a furious argument about raisins for our sick chinchilla.)

      1. Uranus Wars*

        (Like the other day when I called out for a pet emergency and FaceTimed my boss from target when my partner and I were having a furious argument about raisins for our sick chinchilla.)

        The best. That is all.

    5. KatieP*

      This reminds me of one of my former employees who had a habit of not paying attention to where her cursor was. We have an all-team chat in Teams, and twice (not once, TWICE, weeks apart) into the Team chat. After the first time, I poked her to change her password.

      It was the same password the second time.

      1. margaret*

        I have to admit I have done this. It’s because my Teams was set to auto-open and while I was logging into our VPN, Teams opened and superseded where I had previously had my cursor. EXTREMELY annoying. I no longer have Teams set to auto-open.

      2. Migraine Month*

        My manager did this quite frequently, but at least they were strong passwords and he always changed the password after the unintentional disclosure.

  8. Mr. Cajun2core*

    Typed in an email ” has reached a new level of stupidity”. However, instead of clicking on “Forward”, I clicked on “Reply”. The email went to said customer instead of the co-worker it was intended to go to.

    Luckily, I grovel very well and the customer forgave me.

    1. GovSysadmin*

      I have a similar one – a few years ago, we had a request come into our service desk from a user that I could have fulfilled, but it would have set a precedent for work that I didn’t want us to do regularly. I responded to some of the other people on the chain with, “Here is what I am telling , and here is what I am NOT telling .” Unbeknownst to me, one of the addresses I was replying to automatically forwarded their email to the service desk to create tickets for their team, and when the software saw the ticket number in the subject line, it helpfully appended my comments to the original ticket and sent a copy to . Whoops. I apologized, but never got a response from them about it, but fortunately our later interactions didn’t seem to be impacted.

      1. GovSysadmin*

        And today I found out that the AAM commenting system apparently interprets words in less-than/greater-than symbols as HTML and strips them out. What I meant to say was “Here is what I am telling [the user], and here is what I am NOT telling [the user].” And then it sent a copy to [the user].

      2. lb*

        I had a sales person reply to an email saying about a client “oh don’t worry about him, he’s crazy” – not realizing that said crazy client was on the email (it had come from our ticketing system & looked weird in the rep’s inbox.) Since then, my policy has been to write every email like it’s going to be accidentally forwarded to the crankiest client.

    2. Mr. Cajun2core*

      Same as “GovSysadmin” I did not know that this system would interpete greater and less than signs as HTML. What I wanted to say was:

      I typed in an email “[customer] has reached a new level of stupidity”.

      1. LPUK*

        I was driving to work once and one of my stud earrings fell out and went down my cleavage. It lodged with the pin in my skin which was deeply uncomfortable, so when I hit a red light I thought I’d take the opportunity to get it out. Unfortunately as I stuck a hand down my shirt, I dislodged the earring and it went further down, so I ended up groping around for it. Finally I got hold of it and hauled it out of my shirt… only to find the guy in the car alongside me had been watching the whole thing

    3. Just Me*

      Oh god something similar happened to me once. I worked as a school admin, and another admin and I were forwarding each other messages from a not-very-bright student with messages like, “lol, look at this” etc. There was an audit and we had to turn over all of the email exchanges–which included all of our snarky comments. Our boss said, “I don’t disagree with your comments, but maybe send them in Slack as opposed to in the email chain.”

      1. Mr. Cajun2core*

        LOL!

        Actually what I learned from my experience was to never put anything in writing (of any kind) that you wouldn’t want to be plastered all over the internet. I am much more cautious now about what I put in writing.

      2. PattM*

        I’m admin support for a school district and regularly have to go through emails for student record request that have reached both sides using attorneys. The number of emails with staff referencing making plans for non-school hours or other side chat is staggering, but I can’t redact it. Also a few mentions of how irritating, ridiculous or stupid certain parents are and how they are the problem. Again, can’t redact those comments and the parents do get to read them. Does not help tense situations at all.
        All emails (in schools specifically, not sure about the rest of the world) sent to/from a school email are discoverable either by FOIA, subpoena or other legal request, such as due process. Don’t say anything you don’t want seen on a screen in a courtroom.

      3. Astrid*

        I’m a lawyer and I used to live for the snarky e-mails when I was doing a long, boring document review.

        I think it was Bill Gates who said you should never put anything in an e-mail if you would not feel comfortable with it later being read in court. Amen.

        1. Middle Aged Lady*

          My dear departed mother said never write anything you don’t want on the front page of the paper. And she didn’t know about email!

    4. 867-5309*

      My first post-college job was at a PR agency and there was a client we all despised. However, the company was owned by the family of the agency CEO.

      I sent an email with a tremendous amount of detail the client requested and she wrote back, “I asked you specifically to answer this questions also, where is it.” I forwarded the email to my boss and wrote, “Not sure what she’s smoking this time but it’s right there in the first line.”

      You can guess… I didn’t forward. I replied. I was suspended for a week without pay and no longer allowed to work in our satellite office. Years later the CEO of the agency apologized for the suspension when we met up for a lunch.

      1. Uranus Wars*

        I have told this story on here before but I did something similar. Only I called a co-worker a “f@cking idiot”…via forward…but both emails were really close (think “ajgreen” and “ajgremlin”) so I forwarded her own email back to her, essentially replying.

        That’s the day I learned auto-populate is not always your friend.

        1. Mr. Cajun2core*

          OUCH! I have trusted auto-populate too when I should not have but luckily not with anything bad in the email.

    5. Ezri Dax*

      Within the first couple of weeks of starting my previous job, there was a day I knew my partner was going to have a difficult time at work. I texted him the following message: “Hope your day doesn’t suck too bad! -kissy face emoji.” A few minutes later, my new boss came out and asked whether a certain message she had received from me had been meant for someone else. Luckily she had a sense of humor. A few weeks later, the CEO had scheduled lunch with all the new hires. I shook her hand, got one whiff of the very nice but very aromatic lunch that was being served, turned green, and ran around the corner to the bathroom to retch violently. With only a thin wall separating me from the conference room where everyone was eating. I learned two important lessons from my probationary period – G-rated texts only, and never assume morning sickness is under control when pregnant.

  9. Wordnerd*

    This isn’t as good as some others, but I made it to the comments early, so here we go.
    I worked in the administration office for the School of Music as a work study student in college. There was an annex about 2 blocks away from the main office that had classrooms and offices. My boss one day pointed at an overhead projector (I think? it was about 15 years ago now) that was sitting on a small metal table and asked me to take “it” over to a certain classroom in the annex.
    I struggled with the projector and its table out of the building, down two blocks, and into the annex. Someone even stopped to ask me if they could help because I was struggling so hard with carrying it all. Barely made it into the classroom.
    Two days later, I receive an all-department email from my boss. “Did someone steal the table next to my desk?”
    Was definitely just supposed to take the projector and not the table it was sitting on. I had to 1. fess up, 2. deal with the good-natured ribbing of everyone picturing me taking it over there, and 3. maybe go back and get it on my own? I maybe blocked that part from my memory.

      1. Anonymouse*

        That was supposed to go under a different comment. My reply to this one was more along the lines of, reminds me of my sister telling me her husband didn’t unwrap and peel the fruit roll up because he’d never had one before and ate it like a candy bar.
        he was not impressed.

        1. nobadcats*

          One of my dad’s friends threw away the yogurt in his lunch one day because he thought it was spoiled. Turns out his wife packed his lunch every morning, peeled back the foil on the yogurt, stirred it for him, and then put the foil back in place. Turns out she didn’t have time that morning.

          1. Legalize Texas*

            I know she can do whatever she wants and it could not be less of my business.

            But.

            Whenever I hear about women doing stuff like this for their husbands all I can think is that you would find me deicing the streets in hell before you ever caught me nannying my own husband as if I were the doting mommy of the world’s largest newborn baby. And yet there are countless women out there proactively creating this life for themselves and, apparently, enjoying it. Life is truly a rich and varied tapestry.

            1. Siege*

              It can go both ways. I had a neighbor who didn’t realize her husband was fluffing her pillow every day until he had to fly home for an emergency and her pillow wasn’t fluffy. (I want to say they were his pillows, or new ones they got when he moved in?) It would be exactly like him to tell her they were a new kind that always stay fluffy, too. But at least she did know that he was setting out a washcloth for her every day, which is a little closer to the yogurt situation.

              1. nobadcats*

                But he probably fluffed his own pillows and set out a new washcloth for himself every day as well. I mean, perhaps he was an unrepentant pillow fluffer! Or he was the one who made the bed (my ex made the bed all the time, I … do not).

                The yogurt situation is more like, only the husband’s benefit, and he was dumb enough to not even notice his yoplait label had pictures of fruit on it. He wasn’t even curious.

              2. Legalize Texas*

                I’m sure it theoretically goes both ways but I ain’t seen it yet. I don’t think fluffing a pillow or setting out a towel or even preparing and packing a lunch are particularly similar, there is something particularly infantilizing to this that is honestly unique. I’m kind of impressed tbh

            2. Bronze Betty*

              Unrelated, but . . .

              Years ago, my husband transferred to a new job within his company that required regular travel, flying to different cities through the week. Someone asked me if I packed his bag for him. My response: I laughed. As if! He is a grown adult and is most definitely capable of packing his own suitcase. Of course no one would ask him if he packed my bag if the situation were reversed. (Plus, he only has himself to blame if he forgets something.)

              1. Retired Merchandiser*

                Actually, my husband DOES pack my bag when we go on a trip. He’s a much better packer than I am; can get into one bag what I would use three for. ( Of course, it’s up to me to have things set out for him to pack, and if something is missing when we arrive, I’m SOL. :-)

            3. nobadcats*

              I tried really hard not to … editorialize in the telling of this tale.

              There was also another time that they invited us over for bbq, and when Mom, Dad, and I rolled up, the wife ran out to our car and said, “Why did you bring nobadcats? Now we won’t have enough food!” I felt super-welcome after that and only ate the food that WE brought.

    2. noncommital pseudonym*

      Similarly, on our campus, the library put out a library cart with some books on it and a sign that said “Free! Please take!” They come back later and, yes, the cart and all the books were gone. They watched the security camera and saw two girls who, seeing an empty cart (the books had already been taken) with a “Free” sign on it, shrugged and took the cart.

      They were identified and contacted, and very sheepishly brought the cart back.

      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        My friend stooped into a bank in Boston. They had pizzas on a table. They said “help yourself!”
        She said, thanks! and walked out with a whole pizza in a box.
        She hot home and realized:
        1) they were offering her a piece
        2) it was off to one side (she was out if the main area to set up an account) so probably their lunch!

      2. Not So NewReader*

        Similar problem but with a construction company.
        Construction company had a very large bin they put scrap wood into and anyone can help themselves. This went on for a while and then the bin disappeared. Once it came back the sign that used to say, “free wood”, now said “free wood, do not take bin.”

        I am still trying to figure out who would take it, because the bin was too big to fit into a bed of a pick up that was 8 ft long.

    3. TinySoprano*

      I had a similar but different problem when my then chef at a restaurant asked me to bag up the figs on the tree out the back. I assumed he was cooking something with underripe figs so I cut them all off and put them in bags. It turns out he wanted me to tape paper bags over them to stop the bats getting them. It also turns out that I’m allergic to fig latex. So I came back half an hour later for dinner shift covered in hives and shame.

      1. Migraine Month*

        I absolutely would not have understood that “bag up the figs” meant “cover them to protect from bats”. You are not alone.

  10. Liz in the Midwest*

    I’m a physics lecturer at a university. On my birthday, I wore a nice dress and tights to work. I ran to the bathroom before class, then began teaching. A few minutes in, I noticed a girl in the front row kept staring at me in a really weird way. She’d recently gotten a poor grade on a test, so I was thinking, perhaps she was stressed about that?

    But then, a solid 6 or 7 minutes into class, she whispered “your dress!” I realized that apparently when I’d been in the bathroom, I’d tucked the back of my dress into the waistband of my (rather sheer) black tights. I’d been turning around to write on the board multiple times at this point. (And of course, because this was a physics class for engineering majors, it was 90% men.)

    My face bright red, I fixed my dress, paused for a few moments in horror, unable to collect myself, then resumed teaching.

    1. Dark Macadamia*

      I did this teaching at a middle school, except it wasn’t while I was teaching but while I was on dismissal duty, standing in the lobby while basically the entire school walked past me (parents in front, students coming down the stairs behind me). Luckily they were pretty thick tights but I’ll forever be furious with the woman who decided to alert me by saying “is your skirt supposed to be like that?” and watching me look down at the front confused and say “….yes?” then DIDN’T EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM. A few minutes later after I’d realized and fixed it she walked by again and smirked at me.

      1. The Bimmer Guy*

        Yeah, she knew what she was doing. Rude. You tell people discreetly, and you make sure they know how their wardrobe as malfunctioned so that they can fix it.

    2. Middle Aged Lady*

      A friend was giving her first lecture in a big auditorium classroom. The lectern was on a wooden platform that had been added to accomodate the mic, laptop tech, etc on the stage in this older hall. Friend spiffed up for the first day, and after greeting her new students, turned to write on the board. Her new dress shoe drraaaaaagggeed across the hollow wood and made a sound that was instantly humorous to the class. She turned around and tried to explain, instead of just laughing. She was mortified!

    3. The Friendly Comp Manager*

      I did that EXACT same thing but in 8th grade. I walked around the school for 45 minutes with my friends, thinking “wow, the guys are really giving me a lot of attention today!” Well, for a reason…. yikes.

  11. OrigCassandra*

    This one’s innocent, as these things go, but I sure did feel dorktastic at the time.

    My feet basically hate shoes. When I find shoes that fit, I buy several pair in the same style.

    It was my very first professional job after receiving my professional master’s. Very first all-staff meeting, and of course I was to be introduced as a new staff member, so I made sure to wear a nice outfit with accents in the organization’s colors. It wasn’t until I had been introduced, stood up to be acknowledged, and done all the obligatory greeting-and-schmoozing after the formal part of the meeting broke up…

    … that I noticed I was wearing one black shoe and one navy-blue shoe in the same style.

    To this day I don’t think anyone actually noticed, but yargh.

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      I did that once on Easter Sunday for church. Not sure anyone noticed then either. Hey, when it’s dark out when you get dressed, how can you be responsible for shoes not matching?

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        I managed one morning to get almost all the way to a fancy dinner still wearing my slippers. I looked down, saw them, turned to spouse and said I have a minor problem. Spouse pulled the car to the side of the road, looked at my feet then at my face as we proceeded to both just bust out laughing before turning the car around and heading home.

        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          Okay – that should have read one evening – I hate autocorrect at times…..

        2. Galadriel's Garden*

          Haha! My dad, bless him, 100% went to one of my student-teacher conferences wearing his slippers without realizing it, probably when I was in elementary school. It wasn’t until he got home and I pointed it out that he realized it, and true to form, he was very unfazed by this fact.

          1. BawlingOverHere*

            My dad went on a rare shopping trip with me, my sister, and my mom, back when I was very young. Dinner out was a centerpiece of these trips, and much anticipated by me and sis.

            While walking through a store, I noted that dad had on one brown and one black shoe; identical style, just different colors.

            The trip immediately ended with dad practically running for the car in shame and mortification. Nothing anyone could say to convince him no one else noticed.

            He was convinced the entire town saw him and everyone was secretly making fun of him. Self-centered much??

            We really missed that restaurant food. It was rare enough that it was a tragic event for us kids.

      2. Rebecca Stewart*

        My cousin once had something worse happen. He dressed for work in his usual black briefs, jeans, and polo shirt, from the clean laundry basket at the foot of the bed so as not to wake his wife.

        He has the problem many men do of having his pants slide down a bit when he bends over, and found out the issue with getting dressed in the dark when a colleague (all male office that joked around a lot) said, “Hey, Jeff, when did you start wearing Victoria’s Secret underwear?”
        Apparently he’d not grabbed his own underwear, but his wife’s.

        (Yes, I have a family where this story was told, by Jeff, at the next Sunday dinner.)

      3. LPUK*

        I did this with stockings. Got to the office and found I had one black leg, one navy leg

      4. Artemesia*

        with me it was blazers — black/ navy look alike in the dark but that navy with black slacks etc – not a good look.

    2. LolaBugg*

      Being distracted can do that to you! My mother, who is very fashionable, one time wore 2 completely different shoes to work. One brown, one black. But the kicker was they weren’t the same style, or even the same heel height! She was so preoccupied with her bananacrackers job that she didn’t even notice she was walking unevenly until someone pointed it out to her. Needless to say the day she retired was one of the happiest of her life.

      1. Anonymous please*

        If anyone had pointed it out, you could have said “Oh! I have another pair at home just like these!”

      2. PhyllisB*

        I did this years ago. I was trying to decide which pair of shoes went best with my outfit, and my husband yelled, “We’ve got to go, NOW!! We were going to a skating birthday party for our daughter. Got to the rink and realized I was wearing a white sandal with a heel, and one navy blue loafer. Luckily I was still young enough to skate so I immediately got on skates and kept them on all afternoon.

    3. Charlotte Lucas*

      I’ve worn 2 different styles of loafers to work! Dressing in the dark will do that to you.

      1. Cathie from Canada*

        Yes — luckily, on the day I did this, it was 4 pm before I noticed I had on one black pump and one navy blue pump.
        So at least I didn’t have to go through the whole day feeling embarrassed.

    4. Pippa K*

      When I take over the world I’m going to ban all shades that look black in some lights and dark blue in others.

      1. Middle Aged Lady*

        Please fix the sock problem after that. I often look down and find the blue sock and the gray sock must have mated and produced several blue-gray socks of different shades and textures, and they’ve all been sleeping indiscriminately in my sock drawer. It’s like kittens for my feet.

      2. BawlingOverHere*

        Please do! I have 2 pair of pants that I cannot tell if they’re black or blue, unless I hold them up to a shoe or something I’m certain of the color. I hate them.

    5. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I buy shoes in the same style and different colors on purpose, so I can mix and match them. Socks too. :)

    7. jleahul*

      My dad did this! His coworker said to him “Ray, your really fashionable today! Quite the trendsetter!”, but that was it. My dad went about his day feeling good about the compliment, and didn’t notice his mismatched shoes until a few hours later.

    8. noncommital pseudonym*

      Yep, got dressed while it was still dark out for an important all-day meeting. Grabbed the brown jacket instead of black, so spent all day with a black skirt and brown jacket.

    9. brightbetween*

      I am a public librarian, formerly children’s librarian. Years ago, at the END of a 45 minute storytime, a parent came up to me and said “I like your shoes”. Looked down and sure enough, 2 different shoes.

    10. Deanne*

      I worked in an office where the parking lot was about 6 blocks away, so I would pack my heels in a bag and wear sneakers to drive, then walk, to my office. When I got to my desk I realized that I’d packed 2 obviously different colors (1 red, 1 fuschia — it was the 90s, don’t judge) so I manufactured a “sprained” ankle and kept my sneakers on all day.

    11. My cat is the employee of the month*

      I know so many people who have done this. One person managed to pick out two black shoes with very different heel heights. I have no idea how they got out of the house in one piece.

    12. Gracely*

      I did that with a brown shoe and a black shoe when I was student teaching. Only realized it at the end of the day when we had to attend a pep rally, and I looked down at my feet so I wouldn’t trip going up the bleachers. No one noticed but me, AFAIK.

      But one time I met my spouse for lunch after he’d finished teaching two morning lectures. He had his shirt on inside out. Honestly, it’s not the first time he’s done that while wearing a t-shirt, but this time it was one of those polo shirts with buttons. I have no idea how he didn’t realize it; the buttons were done up and everything, which had to be awkward to do.
      Normally I’d catch something like that, but he had an early meeting or something and I was still sleeping when he left.

    13. Not the White Dragon*

      I will see you mismatched shoes and raise you:
      1. 1 pair of slippers worn to work (thankfully looked like loafers)
      2. Wearing my husband’s shoes to work
      3. My daughter mistaking my lounging robe for a comfy dress and wearing it to her staff holiday party.

      2. PhyllisB*

        I will raise you with me wearing a pair of my son’s kaki pants to work one day. After I got there I realized they were a bit loose in the waist and the pockets were deep. At least they didn’t scream MEN’S PANTS!! Also went to church one day and realized I was still wearing my bedroom slippers. Luckily they looked like moccasins and I was wearing slacks so no one noticed.

    14. Language Lover*

      That reminds me when I first moved to my current city and was crashing with my best friend until I could find my own apartment. Our shoes would be near the front door. She wore about two or three sizes bigger than I did so it was usually pretty easy to see which shoes belonged to each of us.

      During winter, I’d wear winter boots and bring in another pair of shoes to change into at work. One day I grabbed 2 leather low-rise boots with about a one-inch heel to take with me.

      I got to work and put them on. The right foot felt fine but the left foot was way too small for the boot. You’d think my first thought would be to realize I had accidentally grabbed one of my boots and one of hers.

      Nope. My first thought was that my left foot had shrunk significantly. And I panicked over that thought for longer than I should have (probably about a minute) before I reached the more logical conclusion that we had a similar pair of boots and I had accidentally grabbed one of hers.

    15. Bronze Betty*

      I did something similar.

      When I used to do litigation, I of course would dress appropriately in suits and pumps. My feet are hard to fit, so I would buy the same style of pump in different colors. I would drive to the court while wearing comfortable flats, and switch to pumps once I arrived. And, of course, once, upon arrival, I noticed I had one tan and one black pump–at least they were for a left foot and right foot.

      I just wore my flats into court. They did match my suit.

    16. Fashion Faux-pas*

      It happens to the best of us! It was my first week at a new job, I wasn’t sure what pair of shoes to wear, ran out the door because would you look at the time. When I got to the office, my office mate was looking at me in a really puzzled way for a couple hours, and eventually, asked “are your shoes… Supposed to be like this?”
      I look down and to my horror, I was wearing two very different low-cut boots – one was black suede with embroidered golden stars and the other light grey with a tassel. They just happened to have identical heel heights. I had to tell her this wasn’t an odd fashion choice on my part, then had to spend my day meeting new colleagues, going for a team lunch and getting home via public transports. It’s weird how self-conscious you can become when you know you’re wearing two different shoes.
      I texted a friend, and she suggested that on the next day I should wear the other foot for each pair!

    17. Anon for this one*

      I’ve worn mismatched shoes to a job interview! I had two similar but not identical pairs of black oxford shoes, and grabbed one of each.

    18. RebelwithMouseyHair*

      A friend/colleague was setting out to the bank, dressed to impress, but hadn’t realised he had only changed one shoe, the other still happily wearing a shabby old sneaker. We took a photo for laughs but then told him he needed to scoot back to the office to get *fully* changed. It took him a while to realise what he’d omitted somehow! But no damage done, since he always sets out very early.

  12. LunaLena*

    Ever since I got my first cell phone, I’ve almost never gotten calls, so I often forget to turn it off. This of course came back to bite me in the butt in the middle of a job interview. When my phone went off, I quickly silenced it and apologized, and the interview proceeded. Embarrassing, but no big deal. Unfortunately I also have a penchant for putting amusing audio clips on my phone for alerts, so when the person left a voicemail (it was a friend who wanted to know how the interview went but also lived in a different time zone, and so didn’t realize they were calling too early to find out), the two interviewers and I were treated to Ned Flanders from The Simpsons saying “Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all… Nothing At All… NOTHING AT ALL” followed by Homer saying “Stupid sexy Flanders!”

    Luckily the interviewers thought it was funny and I still got the job. And now I always remember to silence my phone for important events.

    1. Two Chairs, One to Go*

      That’s amazing. I love the Simpsons and that would make me laugh. I’m glad your interviewer had a sense of humor!

      1. Dragon_Dreamer*

        I knew someone whose ringtone was a tiny voice that piped up, “Let me out of your pocket!” *pause* “Help, I’m trapped in this pocket!”

        1. Cedrus Libani*

          My mom once borrowed my phone, and while doing so, gave her phone number a novelty ring tone: a Foghorn Leghorn voice saying “Answer the phone or I’m whooping your a**!” It amused me, so I left it like that for years. And then she called me when I was in a meeting. Lesson learned!

    2. CatCat*

      This reminds me of my mom’s story of when she was in the audience of a large, solemn meeting about layoffs. Her cell phone went off. It was the theme of “Jaws.”

      1. Curmudgeon in California*

        My default ring tone is Tubular Bells. It’s the theme to The Exorcist. I often get double takes if it goes off (usually with a spam call) in meetings.

        1. SyFyGeek*

          I used to have that too! Then I realized I was really creeped out every time my phone rang. Now it’s the theme to “The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly”.

      2. jlynnm*

        Mine was in the middle of a law class (college) and my ring tone at the time was Kid Rock – and out blasts All Summer Long – specifically ” And we were trying different things, We were smoking funny things, Making love out by the lake to our favorite song, Sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking ’bout tomorrow”

        Changed that ring tone – real fast!

      3. Squirrel Nutkin*

        I was teaching a class when a student’s cell phone went off with “Ding Dong, the Witch Is Dead.” It was her mom.

    3. Thunderingly*

      Haha I remember one of my first interviews where my phone was on vibrate, but of course that was still loud and obnoxious! I tried to subtly stop it while continuing the interview I think. I was still offered the job but declined (they wanted to know if I would work extra for no pay).

    6. Bagpuss*

      I was in court once when someone’s phone rang (massive no-no) the Judge was getting more and more irate as no one turned it off, and was threatening to clear the court.. before realising it was his own.
      And because it was a criminal case he was robed so took him a while to then get at his pocket to turn it off!
      To be fair, he did then apologise!

  13. Ann Onymous*

    I poured Gatorade on myself in an interview. I was fresh out of school and interviewing for what would be my first full-time professional job. The hiring manager had a stash of snacks and drinks in his office for his team and offered me a drink, so I took a bottle of Gatorade. We talked for awhile, and then he was going to take me on a tour of the team’s lab. I guess I hadn’t gotten the cap all the way back on the Gatorade because as I was gathering up my things I managed to dump about a quarter of the bottle over my coat and into my shoe. If the hiring manager noticed, he was nice enough not to say anything. I got the job, so it worked out fine in the end, but I was definitely stressing over that Gatorade incident for a few days!

    1. The New Wanderer*

      Ooh! I did something similar while getting lunch at a street cart in NYC with my manager. We were walking away when I decided I needed to shake up my bottle of iced tea, which of course I hadn’t screwed the cap back on properly, and splashed it all down my front. Fortunately my manager didn’t get hit by more than a few drops, but I did have to immediately go buy a new shirt before the next meeting.

      1. Ann Onymous*

        I lucked out – my coat was black and the Gatorade was lemon-lime instead of a more intensely colored flavor, so I didn’t end up with any stains.

      2. Dragon_Dreamer*

        Heh, I once was walking back to work on a windy day with a cup of hot chocolate. The wind was intense enough that the air pressure actually caused the chocolate to spew out of the drinking hole and all over my shirt! My manager just gave me a new shirt.

        The next day, I went up to my physics professor, and proudly announced, “I learned first hand about pressure differentials yesterday!”

        He gave me this extremely wary look, and asked, “Do I want to know what you exploded?”

        He did enjoy the joke after I explained it. ;)

      3. wine dude*

        Not at work but when I was in my early 20s I got into the habit of shaking the (glass, screw cap) ketchup bottle to loosen things up before pouring. In a casual restaurant with friends I proceed to shake, without checking the lid or even putting a finger over it.

        You would be amazed how much thick Heinz ketchup can exit the bottle when you shake it just right. The right side of my face was covered, and we all looked like accident victims. Our server then I arrived and I sheepishly requested a towel, at which point she understandably lost it.

    2. Phony Genius*

      After reading your first sentence, I pictured you doing is as some sort of football-like victory celebration because the interview was going so well.

    3. Mid*

      I was handed a cup of coffee and somehow completely failed to actually grab it, so it just hit the floor and splashed all over both of us. I felt so bad because the person I was interviewing (not for a job, for a job shadow type thing) was absolutely dripping and it totally ruined her outfit. The splashes hit my glasses and hair, so it was like a floor to ceiling type spill. Luckily it wasn’t super hot coffee, I guess?

  14. Full anon for this one :)*

    I had a summer internship with a judge in law school, and before it started, I was told that there would be a new intern orientation/program for all new judicial interns one afternoon. I think I may have had confusion about what room in the courthouse it was in or they weren’t clear or something? So I showed up, and I think I asked someone where the meeting was, and I was told to go to a certain room. I get there, and it seemed like the right place, most of the people were about my age/they seemed like students as well. Long story short, though, it turns out it was for a mentorship program for Black students, and there I was, the whitest person ever, sitting there and thinking more and more “oh no, I don’t belong here, this isn’t my place.” I felt so bad, and the way it was set up (everyone was sat around a conference room), it would have been so much more awkward for me to have left because I didn’t realize what was going on until the meeting was fully ongoing. At one point towards the end, everyone went around and introduced themselves, and I at least had the wherewithal to say that I realized that I had wound up at the wrong meeting and apologized for any intrusion.

    2. londonedit*

      Not work, but I’ve done something very similar! A few years ago I was on the committee of a local sports club, and as part of this I was asked to go to a meeting of other clubs in the area. I’d never been to this particular meeting before, but the person who would usually deal with it was away, so I went in their place. I wasn’t hugely familiar with the place the meeting was being held in, so I did my usual trick of getting there extra early just in case I got lost, but when I got there the doors were locked and there didn’t seem to be anyone around. Figuring I was just a bit *too* early, I looked around for somewhere to hang out and wait for someone else to arrive, and spotted a sort of community cafe place across the road, attached to the library. So I went in, and there was a counter with tea and coffee making stuff, someone behind the counter handing out drinks, and there were plates of biscuits and sandwiches. I assumed it was the sort of casual WI/village hall setup that you find in Britain where there would be tea and biscuits available and you’d put £1 in a collection jar or whatever. So the person behind the counter offered me a drink, I asked for a coffee, they gave me a cup of coffee and offered me a biscuit, and in the meantime a couple of other people came in and did the same and sat down at one of the tables. As I was checking my phone for updates from the meeting I was meant to be at, a few more people came in and sat down, and eventually the person behind the counter turned to me and said ‘We’ll be getting started soon…you’re here for the group meeting?’ And then I had a proper look around me at the situation I was actually in, and it gradually dawned on me that I was not in a public community cafe-type place, and I was in fact gatecrashing a meeting for some sort of support group. Being British, I think I mumbled something like ‘Oh, dear, no I must have the wrong place, whoops, sorry, didn’t realise, whoops…’ as I scuttled out of the door.

      1. Madame Arcati*

        I’ll put this as a reply here as it’s not work but it’s along the same lines as your story Londonedit. Keeping it as short as I can – a group of three people followed the wrong cars from the crematorium and ended up at the wake of the wrong person, at his parent’s house. An easy mistake to make you’d think but they somehow didn’t notice that at their service every single person was black (we saw them come out of the building as we went in) but they were now at a wake where every single other guest was white. The deceased’s mother graciously went over and politely asked how they knew her son. Swift exit stage left; and a frankly hilarious epilogue when we discovered that the front page of the book of condolence the mother had placed on her sideboard, with an obviously fairly recent portrait photo of her son in his 20s next to it, now bore a sentence in memory of dear old great uncle [different name] from [Caribbean island]…

    3. So so so anon*

      Ack! The wrong group situation! I was at a company on a summer internship between my freshman and sophomore years, and they had all the interns together for meetings on a schedule, which was all laid out on a piece of paper among the rest of the handouts. The schedule had served me well up to this point. However, it came to a day that they had an “MBA lunch” on the schedule. I had heard very generally about MBA this MBA that but I didn’t actually know at that time what it stood for, or that the event was, in fact, only for a subgroup of the interns, who were (either already or pursuing? I still don’t know) MBA’s.
      The couple of actual MBA interns who got there before my mortification point were very welcoming. But before we could really start conversing, the intern coordinator arrived, came up to me and said “This is actually only for the MBA’s, so you can’t stay, sorry.” As I turned some variety of scarlet, I went wide-eyed and emitted an “Oh!” I may or may not have mumbled something about the schedule as I left, walking partly backwards at first, as gracefully as I could while reeling with shame and confusion.

    4. Phoenix*

      Hahaha, I did a version of this in college! As a freshman, I had signed up the easiest possible physical sciences class to fulfil a gen ed requirement–think Rocks for Jocks. It definitely had a reputation for being a joke class. On the first day, I showed up to the room and prepared to zone out. I remember being mildly surprised that it was being held in a small classroom instead of a large lecture hall, but figured that most of the students at my notoriously hardworking college probably didn’t want to take the easiest option. Well, the instructor arrived, sat us all in a circle, and had us introduce ourselves. One by one, the other students introduced themselves. They were all juniors and seniors who were math, physics, and chemistry majors with plans to get masters degrees in Engineering. They started making comments like, “I’ve been waiting for four years for a course like this to be offered, and I’m so thrilled to finally get the chance to take it.” I sllllllowly realize this is my school’s first ever Advanced Materials Engineering class and is very much NOT Rocks for Jocks. As luck would have it, I was the last person to introduce herself. As everyone turned to look at me, I said, “Hi, I’m Phoenix. I’m a freshman poli sci major with no engineering background. I’m also definitely in the wrong class. Could someone point me to Rocks for Jocks??” There was some snickering, but the professor kindly directed me to the large lecture hall down the corridor, and I stealthily slunk into Rocks for Jocks about 20 minutes late. All’s well that ends well: I did indeed manage to knock out my gen ed requirement with minimal effort.

      1. caterpillar anon*

        (TW: gross biology stuff) I was a witness to a version of this in college: I was taking a class on infectious disease, which it turned out was 90% about parasitic diseases (rather than bacterial/viral diseases like I assumed). In the first teaching section for the class, there were about 15 of us sitting in chairs in a circle and the TA started by showing us a video: an interior view of a caterpillar that had been infected by some kind of parasite, which was growing and multiplying inside it. Just as the parasites BURST out of the caterpillar, one student jumped to their feet, said something like “Wait, this isn’t the micro econ section!”, grabbed their stuff, and RAN out of the room. For years I’ve wondered if they were sitting there the whole time thinking the video was some kind of metaphor for the economy before they realized what was happening.

        1. Bronze Betty*

          I did something like this. I registered for an Econ 101 class and was running a few minutes late for the first class, so I missed any introductions by the instructor. Entered the classroom, sat in the back, and within a very short time was marveling that Econ 101 was way more advanced than I had thought it would be (I was a liberal arts student, not a business student). After about 10 minutes of lecturing and quickly checking my schedule, I realized I needed to be in another classroom. And yes, the correct class was more my speed.

      2. Middle Aged Lady*

        At Big State U where I attended undergrad and grad school, the profs were kind enough to announce at the beginning of the first class ‘This is English 312 British Poetry from 1750, I am Dr. Xand this is Smith Hall, room 101. If you need to leave for another class, please do.’ It made it so much less embarrassing. That place was huge.

        1. Constance Lloyd*

          I’m sure “Smith Hall” isn’t the actual name, but this comment made me do a double take because my Big State U did have a giant Smith Hall where I indeed accidentally joined the wrong class once.

    5. Jellyfish*

      This is much lower stakes, but it reminded me of a similar story. When my partner was getting his paramedic certification, he needed a certain number of hours shadowing at a hospital. His certification program set it up for St. X Hospital at 2:00 on Tuesday (or whatever). My partner instead drove to St. Y Hospital, told them what he was there for, and they assigned him to an emergency room doctor. The doctor signed off on everything at the end of the day, and that was that.

      It was only the next week when his instructor asked why he didn’t show up at St. X that my partner realized his error. Apparently all the area hospitals were used to both student needs and poor communication, so they just ran with it whenever somebody showed up, whether they were expected or not.

    6. Anon5*

      Nooooooo! I think I would have died of shame!

      This story reminded me of a friend who also wound up in the wrong meeting once. She was in her early 20s and just starting to get active in the local BDSM community. There is a group that meets in a park to grill and socialize. She showed up and didn’t recognize anyone at all, which was a little surprising because she had gone to a few meetups for different groups already, but not too much of a red flag because she was still new and hadn’t been to that particular group yet. She jumped in, mingled, met new people, shared her potluck item and ate dinner…and eventually someone came over and asked how she had known their son. Their deceased son. Whose celebration-of-life style funeral this was. She stammered something about going to school together and made her exit as soon as she could without making a scene.

    7. Banananon-anon-anon*

      Oh ugh, this unlocked a memory for me that I’ve tried desperately to forget. When I was a senior in college, I had one class left to complete my Spanish minor, and I had selected a Spanish film class. On the first day of class, I showed up to the classroom listed on my schedule, but the class name on the blackboard didn’t match the class I had signed up for. Soooo, I headed over to the main office to confirm the classroom, and they told me that all was correct and I was meant to be there. I returned to the classroom and things still didn’t feel right, so for reasons unbeknownst to my conscious mind, I proceeded to repeat the whole process again before finally realizing I’d actually been in the correct place the entire time.

      The class wound up being one of my favorites, but I’ll never know why the very small class *and the professor* idly watched me stand up, leave, and sit down in absolute confusion without saying a word to me.

  15. LolaBugg*

    My boss sent me more work on a day when I already had too much on my plate plus I wasn’t feeling well. I opened a text message to my husband and wrote “I really freaking hate my job sometimes” and hit send. Then I realized I had messaged my boss back, not my husband. Complete mortification.

    2. Cat Tree*

      I used to have a boss with the same first name and last initial as one of my siblings. I was veeeery careful about texting during that time period. Fortunately I avoided any mishaps.

      However, I once dated a guy with the same first name as my best friend. I got that mixed up once, but thankfully in the harmless direction (texted my friend instead of my date).

    4. Old Cynic*

      follow up email: “I’m glad I feel comfortable saying things like that to you…”

    5. SaffyTaffy*

      I did something a little like this once, but with an email title and my inbox projected onto a giant screen.

  16. AcadLibrarian*

    Not work, but high school. I am a proud nerd and did Mock Trial. We had local attorneys coach the teams. Got into the elevator at the justice center with one of them. Wearing my letter jacket. He asked me what I got my letter jacket in. I stood there for a moment and said…”small?”
    Which thinking back is probably better than admitting my letter was the …Lamp of Knowledge. Sigh. Yes, I got a letter jacket for good grades.

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      I got a letter in high school for being in the orchestra for two years. Talk about nerdy.

        1. Mellophonist*

          +1 for marching band! We were the state champions 2/4 years, so I also had a championship ring that I proudly wore. Better than any of the sports teams at my high school!

            1. Squirrel Nutkin*

              Do it — life is short, and you might as well have fun! There is a community band somewhere nearby that wants you playing again!

          1. Jellyfish*

            Yup! Band, Scholar’s Bowl, and Academics here. It got some weird looks, but I’m young enough that nerdiness was already in vogue when I was in high school. :)

        4. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          Also marching band letter, but also had one for Academic Team (which was like team Jeopardy).

          Yep – go nerds.

        5. AnotherOne*

          I thought every school gave out letters for marching band…

          I got one for each year I was in it. (You had to buy your own jacket though. And I know people who did.)

      4. Azure Jane Lunatic*

        Middle school, handbell choir. One of the more fun musical things I’ve been a part of.

      5. Office Gumby*

        Mee too! Got the letter, but couldn’t afford the jacket. I still wish I did.

    2. The New Wanderer*

      *nerd fistbump*
      I also lettered academically (30 years ago) and TIL that the pin is called the Lamp of Knowledge.

      1. Butterfly Counter*

        I had that letter too! And the lamp pin and all 4 years that are add ons to that that pin! I don’t think they let us have the jacket, though (I got it for soccer).

    4. Jessica Ganschen*

      If my family had had the money for it at the time, I would have gotten one for being on the Varsity Academic Challenge team.

    7. Jay*

      I was PISSED when I got to college and found out some high schools did that. Mine did not and I felt robbed. Never played sports. Had very good grades.

      1. Weaponized Pumpkin*

        I had no idea this was a thing! We only got letters for sports. (I lettered in a sport but didn’t get a jacket.)

      2. Lina*

        Yes, my high school only did letters for sports, and letter jackets were a Big Deal. 30 years later I am still somewhat salty about it. A friend of mine had a good solution – she sat down with an old yearbook, worked our which sport she had to play to go immediately onto the varsity team and meet letter requirements with only one season during the off-semester from all our academic teams, and promptly went out for ladies’ golf that spring. Her scores were terrible but it was enough for the school to earn participation points in tournaments.

        1. Artemesia*

          LOL. I knew a guy who who was a very good skier and wanted to go to the Olympics. He was not THAT good. So he looked around for a sport nobody did that he could qualify for. This was the 60s. His pick was luge and he went to Innsbruck on the US luge team.

      3. DT*

        I was today years old when I learned some high schools give letters for academic type things! And now I am salty too.

    8. AcadLibrarian*

      I have never felt so seen. And I got the letter, but had to buy the jacket and have the letter added to it. But it was a big high school so it was a thing that tons of people had jackets.

    9. My cat is the employee of the month*

      I got one in junior high for grades. Just the letter. No jacket. I also got a dictionary for perfect attendance. I still have the dictionary.

    10. Fleur-de-Lis*

      I lettered in Scholastic Bowl (or Academic Team or Quiz Bowl, whatever you called it locally) and Band. As a freshman. SUPER NERD!

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        Academic Team was a blast – glad to run into somebody else who did it!

        1. Academic Team geek*

          I was an Academic Team mom for 8 years ( both my kids) and it was fabulous. My son’s team won state and nationals one year and the school bought them windbreakers that said state champs and nice rings for the national champs.

    11. miss chevious*

      I lettered in Academics, too! Instead of a jacket–which I thought I would be teased for–I bought a sweater in a school color and made a letter sweater like the ones they had in the 50s. I still have it!

    12. 3DogNight*

      Serious nerd alert! I lettered in Journalism! And yes, yes I did play D&D in High School, why do you ask?

    13. WFH with Cat*

      WHAT?!

      I was newspaper staff, yearbook staff, speech tournments, theater, AP classes, honor society, all of that — but my HS must only have had Letters/Jackets for jock. None of us nerdy types ever got a pin, letter or jacket. I had no idea any schools ever even did that until today … darn it, I want my swag!

      1. I'd rather be a nerd than a jerk*

        I got mine for Theater; if there had been one for academics, I would have had that as well.

        I also have had a long and successful career, which I doubt the lettered jocks have, so I’ll take the whole thing for a win.

    14. H3llifIknow*

      My letter was for making it to Nationals in …. Debate… so I got it for arguing with people.

    15. WFH Forever Please*

      This reminds me of when I met with an OBGYN to check on an IUD. She asked me where I had the IUD put in.

      “Um. My uterus?” I even pointed.

      Turns out she meant what city. But for that split second between when she first asked and my response, I thought for sure I had chosen the wrong OBGYN!

      3. DrRat*

        I am completely thinking of Mall Rats where they keep referring to anal sex as sex “in a very uncomfortable place” and someone gets the “place” concept wrong and asks, “Like in the back of a Volkswagen?”

    16. BawlingOverHere*

      I did too! I wanted one, and as I’m in no way a jock, that was my option. Lol.

    17. JustSomeone*

      Yessssss! I lettered in Speech, Knowledge Bowl, and Academics for multiple years! I never bought the jacket because it was expensive and ugly (everyone had to buy their own, regardless of what they lettered in), but I sure did pin all the little pins to the fuzzy letter and display it at my graduation party.

    18. Cedrus Libani*

      My high school did varsity letters for academic teams. When I was a freshman, my mom had volunteered to drive to one of my first competitions. She spotted the letter jacket on my team-mate – it was absolutely covered in pins, but the kid wearing it was a scrawny fifteen-year-old who didn’t look like he was qualified to be a water boy, never mind the all-the-sports legend he apparently was. (He was on the varsity math team, the varsity physics team, the varsity computer team, the varsity quiz bowl team…a few others besides, plus the one for good grades.) Curiosity got the better of her, and she asked him what sports he played. He looked her right in the eye, and deadpanned: “Football!”

  17. The Dread Pirate Roberts*

    I was doing a Skype interview for a job, as I lived halfway across the country. I have a history of putting my foot in my mouth in interviews, and I was super nervous I was going to do that on this interview because I was really interested in the job and it was my first interview in a long time. I thought I was home free: I had answered all of their questions, I thought I represented myself accurately, and I was asking my questions. I thought I couldn’t possibly mess up asking my own questions! I asked what the next steps were, and the head interviewer said that they were going to do a second round of interviews and, while they knew it would be an inconvenience for me, they would like the second interviews to be in person.

    She STARTED to say that the reason they would be in person was because part of the job involves operating some… let’s say heavy machinery that can be somewhat intimidating. Let’s say driving a teapot delivery truck. And they didn’t want to go through all the expense and time commitment of hiring someone only for them to take one look at the Teapot Truck and go, “I can’t possibly do this job. I quit.”

    Makes sense, right? Right. Except that’s not what she said. Here is an imprecise transcript of what actually was said:

    Interviewer: I know that it will be an inconvenience for you, but we would really like the second round of interviews to happen in person, because —
    Me: Oh! Yeah! Totally! Of course! Because, like… just, y’know, for an example… I might not be wearing pants right now.

    But happy ending: I’ve been in the job for going on four years now, and my quirky personality is appreciated for perhaps the first time in my career.

    2. Lie-berry-in*

      This is hilarious. I’ve been on more hiring committees than I can count and this would probably stop me mid-sentence while my brain tried to process what to say in response.

    3. Purple Cat*

      OMG, I love this. (Well, I’m dying of second-hand embarrassment, but I’m so glad it worked out)

    4. Elenna*

      But were you wearing pants for that first interview? Inquiring minds want to know.

  18. fiona the baby hippo*

    I was fairly new at a ~ cool ~ women’s media company in my early 20s. We all had assigned those under-desk file cabinents but bc it was a digital company, there wasn’t much I actually needed to put in them. I got in the habit of storing tupperware after lunch so I’d remember to take it home for the day. One day, I packed my go-to salad: Kale, avocado, almonds, parm, EVOO and balsamic vinegar. I ate most of it then got full and put it up, meaning to empty and clean it later. Only a DAY later, I remembered it then quickly tossed it in our common area just off where my desk was. A few minutes later, everyone around me started reacting to a bad smell…. then the people further behind us, until nearly our entire section was reacting to what I quickly realized was the smell of my rotting kale. I had no idea vegetables could smell this bad! As everyone was turning to their neighbors wondering what was going on, I had to stand up, walk the 15 yards to the trash can, pull out the MASSIVE trashbag (this was like an industrial-sized trashcan that was built into the wall) and find a facilities person to ask where to throw it out. Thankfully, everyone around me found it funny… and eventually I did too.

    1. Jeremy Jamm*

      Not work related, but my ex and I had a multi-day fight over what the smell was coming from the fridge. We were throwing things away every day and the smell just kept getting worse and worse. Finally, we found a bag of rotting kale in the back of the fridge. We threw it away and the smell immediately disappeared. It never dawned on either of us that kale could smell THAT BAD but it does.

      1. Baby Yoda*

        My husband found an old sardine can under his desk after not being able to track down a nasty smell. The company accountant had let it roll under there.

      2. Artemesia*

        Greens. But the other amazing smell is potatoes — when those suckers go bad, it is almost as bad as dead rat.

        1. Lizzie*

          citrus too. I had a smell in my fridge that i couldn’t find. i finally realized it was a desicated lime in my crisper drawer

      3. Euphony*

        One morning my pregnant boss (who sat opposite me) kept asking me if I could smell bananas. We had almost completely convinced ourselves that it was her pregnant nose being extra sensitive when a giant stack of paperwork toppled on the floor, unleashing a horrendous stench and revealing a completely black and leaking banana underneath. Yuk

    2. Lizcase*

      Rotting potatoes is the worst thing I have ever smelled. Worse than the rat who inconveniently died in a wall.

      1. KRM*

        My roommate and I had THE WORST smell in our apartment and it took us like 3 weeks to realize it was an onion rotting in the bowl–but the top looked fine. Just when you tried to move it, it had disintegrated into black sludge underneath.
        We also had an incident where the crockpot broke when she was trying to make chickpeas, and then we shouldn’t have left it to ‘take care of later’. We may have invented a new nutrient broth for bacteria, except that it smelled like mold and mothballs, so nobody would have wanted to use it.

      2. Asenath*

        Nothing is worse than a deceased rat in an inaccessible place. I worked somewhere once which had a rat problem, and the maintenance staff, who cannot possibly have followed possible procedures, poisoned them, and they all crawled into the floor space under the cafeteria area and died. The rats, not the staff.

        But some vegetables can be particularly noxious. I’d vote for rotten zucchinis as “most stinky vegetables”, but I do admit rotting potatoes are pretty bad. I recently had to sort through large sacks of potatoes, putting them in smaller sacks for individual use, and every so often I’d come across a bad one. Nasty.

      3. Artemesia*

        wrote my note above before I saw yours — and we both used the dead rat comparison. Great minds — or maybe the dang things really do smell worse than dead rats.

    3. H3llifIknow*

      Coworker at a “major bank” call center went on vacation. While she was gone, our shared quad started to smell soooo bad. She was gone over a week. When we came back, it was discovered that she had left half a tuna sandwich in her LOCKED desk drawer. Rule after that was NO FOOD AT DESKS.

    4. Minccino*

      One time I walked into work and was met with the smelliest smell. My boss initially thought there was a dead mouse or something in the building. Turns out it was a bag of rotting produce that she placed in the office and forgot about. The bag was leaking “juice.” D:

    5. Azure Jane Lunatic*

      A co-worker once had an unexpected medical emergency that pulled her out of work for a few months. Her desk stayed untouched until a massive desk-shuffle, and I was very apologetically approached by her (extremely pregnant) manager. The co-worker had inadvertently left a cafeteria to-go bowl of soup in a drawer, which the manager discovered while trying to pack her desk. And she was very sorry but she just couldn’t. And could I please.

      It turned out to have been just a tiny amount of soup in there making all that stench. I tied the trash bag, and put it in another trash bag and tied that as well.

  19. The Prettiest Curse*

    Events are rife with the potential for mortifying moments:
    1. I remembered an article that I’d recently read and greeted a guest by asking “are you the serial entrepreneur I’ve been reading about?” He replied “No, I’m a serial academic.” (Similar-looking guy with same employer and the same first name.)

    2. At an event last week, I greeted an important executive by asking her if she would be speaking on our panel later. She replied “I hope not!” (The real panel member looks a bit like her and works for the same type of company.) Apparently, I should just never give anyone a personal greeting again.

    3. Also at last week’s event, I said that I was going to put some more Velcro on a poster, and one of my colleagues somehow mis-heard that I was going to put Velcro on a person…

    1. The Prettiest Curse*

      I should add that all of the people I mixed up with each other are middle-aged white people (and so am I.)
      I realised after writing my original comment that another common denominator was hair – both the men I mixed up are bald, and both the women have the same type of hair. Apparently, I just pay a lot of attention to people’s hair…

      1. Tin Cormorant*

        I’ve been there. I’m like 60% face blind, possibly as a result of having extremely bad eyesight in my formative years. Anyone with similar skin color, hair, and general body shape gets confused for each other. There have been some movies where two of the actors were white men with short brown hair and I was cursing whoever planned that because I couldn’t remember which one was which in order to follow the story.

        1. The Prettiest Curse*

          I’m not face blind, but I do have terrible eyesight, so that might be why I focus on people’s hair more than other details.

        2. Former Young Lady*

          You both sound like me. I asked a coworker once how her weekend swimming had gone, to show off how well I remembered our discussion the week before. She stared at me blankly and I realized I asked the wrong white woman with glasses and short brown hair.

          (White woman myself, and I’ve been on the other end of it too. It’s survivable.)

        3. Elenna*

          Same! And I also had pretty bad eyesight when young. That’s one reason I don’t watch many movies, because plots are really hard to follow when you can’t tell half the characters apart. (Or you can tell them apart but you only started being able to tell them apart halfway through the movie, well after the point there were introduced, and now nobody is using anybody else’s names…)

        4. Chris*

          Wow, I’m the same, focusing on hair and having trouble with movies. I also got glasses at the age of three or so, so your theory intrigues me.

        5. LPUK*

          Oh I get that! I watched Chariots of Fire and was really confused all the way through because I didn’t recognise that there were two different runners – they were both bony white men

        6. DrRat*

          My sister got completely confused watching the second Jumanji movie because she thought the gamer at the beginning of the movie (young Alex) was the same person as Spencer. So when Alex popped up later on in the game she had no idea who he was or where he came from.

        7. Squirrel Nutkin*

          Whoo boy, yes — prosopagnosia checking in! I have had whole conversations with someone thinking they were someone else.

      2. Asenath*

        Oh, that’s fairly normal. I’m terrible at recognizing people I don’t know well, to the point that I simply don’t use names if I am not absolutely certain they’re the right ones (which means almost never) and sunnily smile and say hello to anyone who shows any signs of knowing who I am. If you don’t, you end up like the very senior person in one of my former workplaces who made a point of greeting workers he passed in the corridor. That would have been just fine, but he would then go on and say something about how things were going in, let’s call it, the teapot repair depot, when I actually worked in staff support in the technician’s training centre. I’d smile and correct him – and he’d do it again next time.

      3. Blissfully ignorant*

        I used to be horrible at recognizing people!
        I worked in a doctor’s office they had just acquired the office of another doc who retired. We took over all his patients.
        One patient called asking to schedule with “the doctor who wears glasses” but i had no idea which of our docs wore glasses! I had to ask the nurse which one. 9 months in and I just never noticed! They teased me for quite a while about that

        1. JESUS IS THE MAN!*

          Ha, that reminds me of TAing in grad school. One of those students who never showed up for discussion sessions came to turn in a midterm exam and just paused in abject confusion for a while.

          “Which section are you in?”

          “Ummm…dunno? I think the TA is a woman? With glasses?”

          Reader, three of the five of us TAs sitting there were women with glasses.

    2. Mid*

      I worked a job in college for major donor events, and at one, I was trying to inhale some food because I hadn’t eaten all day and it was really good (free!) food. So I semi-hid in a corner and shoved a HUGE bite of food into my mouth, and was immediately called over to talk with a donor who wanted to hear about my research. I was holding two plates of food and my cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk, but I panicked and walked over anyway and just stared awkwardly at VIP Donor until I finished chewing, stacked my plates, and then finally shook their hand and introduced myself. It was the longest two minutes of my life.

      1. The Prettiest Curse*

        Nothing worse than doing something mortifying in front of a VIP! I was once in the middle of hauling an overloaded cart out of our storage area when it banged into the wall and a chunk of plaster fell off. I looked up to see the owner of the building standing right there….

        1. Mid*

          Oh no! That’s always how it works–you could push that cart with twice as much stuff every day for a year and never bump a door frame, but the second someone important is watching, you’ll take off three side mirrors and rip up the carpet in one fell swoop!

          1. Not So NewReader*

            One place I worked we constantly had to move things. I never bumped anyone, I swear. Until this one day I was moving something and I bumped an inspector. It was a while before I lived that down.

          2. Old Woman in Purple*

            I’m sure it’s some corollary of Murphy’s Law, that allows embarrassing events to happen only when there is an audience.

      2. LPUK*

        When I was the British equivalent of an intern, I worked in a very large open plan office, where the Directors had a different part of the building, executive dining room, chauffeured limousines etc. they were godlike. We used to see them once a year at Christmas when they came round all the carrels for a meet and greet. When they arrived in our area, the intern who shared a carrel with me, was so flustered she stood up and put her foot in her own bin. Bad enough, but what really killed it is that she decided to do nothing and hope he wouldn’t notice, so she shook hand with him with one leg in a bin

        1. The Prettiest Curse*

          Wow, that sounds excruciating. Extra points for trying to just power through it, though.

    3. Sad Desk Salad (which I am eating right now)*

      Oof, I did something similar at my previous job. I was still pretty new. We were lined up at the buffet at our colleague’s retirement lunch (small company, we’re all in basically 2-3 person departments), and the honoree happened to be right in front of me. I asked, “so, is this your last day?” He looks at me and goes, “no, why, do you know something I don’t?” Similar looking guy–but decidedly NOT the same guy. I was so red in the face that I sputtered and stammered until he mercifully started a conversation with someone else.

      I wonder if he remembers that. Months later he gave me a book recommendation that turned out to be a favorite (Under the Banner of Heaven).

      1. H3llifIknow*

        Hey I just finished that miniseries on Hulu and was considering reading the book since the show took some liberties with the story!

  20. Higher Ed Drama*

    I feel there will be much more mortifying stories…but I was once in a meeting with a small group and noticed a tick was crawling through my boss’s hair. And I just had to stop the meeting and tell her so we could try to take care of the situation. She went to the bathroom to try to get it out but couldn’t find so came back to try to resume the meeting with several skeeved out people. A few moments later I saw the thing again. So I just reached out and grabbed it out of her hair and threw it on the table. I may have squealed a little too. Once the little demon bug was taken care of and things were settling down I just remember saying “It’s alright Sweetie” … to my boss. I later apologized to her for saying that. Her reply was “You got the tick out of my hair – you can call me whatever you want!”

    1. Joanna*

      Higher Ed Drama, I hate to diminish your mortification here, but you are clearly the hero of this story.

    2. Charlotte Lucas*

      I live in an area where ticks (& Lyme disease) are a problem. You did a good thing.

    4. Rara+Avis*

      I was recently chaperoning an outdoor ed trip and my 6th grade crew had mostly not met ticks, and were very anxious about identifying them on nightly tick checks. So when I found a tick crawling on my shoulder, I brought it around to show them. Then the naturalist got out his little magnifying box and put the tick inside so they all could see it really well. On the upside, all those kids now know how to identify a tick!

    5. Yoyoyo*

      Oh my god, you just reminded me of this incident of my own! I was taking an AP exam as a senior in high school and felt a tick on the back of my neck. It had latched on and I couldn’t get it off easily, and I was freaking out about the exam, plus we weren’t allowed to get up from the desk until the official break, so I decided to just ignore it and try to focus on the exam. Once there was a break, the tick was nowhere to be found. So I finished the exam, and later that day, went to my job…where my coworkers looked at me in horror as the tick crawled out of my hair and down my forehead!

      1. Dragon_Dreamer*

        I felt itchy on top of my head during a high school exam, and scratched at it… only to pull away a large tick attached to a tiny bit of scalp! I shrieked, the teacher was about to reprimand me, but then he looked down at the tick on my desk and shuddered. Tick was shoved into a sealed container and disposed of.

      2. Higher Ed Drama*

        Omg that’s horrible! I’m duly impressed that you were able to finish the exam.

    6. Dasein9*

      I had a bedbug crawling between the student in the front row and me on a wide shared table. Was able to use a tissue to get rid of it and asked her to stay after just in case she didn’t know what it was.

    7. Madame Arcati*

      I’ll join you in the accidental endearments mortification. A young man I was managing at the time made me a cup of tea and I responded with “thank you sweetheart”.

      1. RebelwithMouseyHair*

        Oh dear yes, that happened to me to, except I’d made him the cup of tea while he was installing something on my computer, and then because I took longer to make the tea, he went and fixed a whole load of other stuff on my computer too, like broken shortcuts I’d never bothered to fix. He really was a sweetie, and cute too. Only a few years older than my son, and he came on his first day wearing a jacket that he’d clearly borrowed because it was way too big for him. He triggered my maternal instincts big time! Which led to the boss thinking we were having an affair. He was having an affair with the young woman he’d just promoted way beyond her ability, so there may have been some projection in there too.

  21. Side Boob City*

    Oh my god I just had one. I started a new job a few weeks ago and have to be in the office occasionally. My last job was fully remote since the start of covid so I bought a bunch of new work clothes and poured a ton of mental energy into my outfits since I’ve been living the leggings life for two plus years. Anyway, my second time in the office, I’m wearing a silk button down shirt that I feel great in. I come in and chat with my boss for a few minutes, then use the bathroom, where I notice that there is a MASSIVE gap in the front of my shirt and my bra is extremely visible. Apparently if I move my arms in that shirt at all, the front gaps horribly. I immediately ordered some undershirts and stayed very still the whole rest of the day.

    1. Rainbow*

      I did an INTERVIEW in an otherwise-nice shirt that gapped right open in that way. Absolutely horrific. Thankfully, it was just with one guy and he was an academic, so a lot of leeway on personal dress. The worst part was I was aware it was gapping a bit, but had no idea how badly until I met a friend for recovery drinks afterwards and she told me.

      1. Muddlewitch*

        Have all you gappy bloused girls heard that the solution is to cross the buttons?
        Eg button 4 is gapping:
        put button 3 into buttonhole 4;
        then put button 4 into buttonhole 3

        Weird solution, but it somehow works!!

        1. HBJ*

          I sew hook and eyes in between the buttons. I’ve also done snaps (if the gapping just looks bad and isn’t in danger of popping open). You can also do a reverse button hole – button hole between the existing buttons and the button sewn to the other side.

    2. Kate, short for Bob*

      I walked into work with my laptop in a new rucksack and didn’t realise the weight had unbuttoned the top of my shirt till I saw my bra in the mirror in the lift.

      I’ve been repressing that for years, thanks for reminding me :-O

      1. Bethany*

        Argh I did this the other day, I got off the train and I realised my shirt was open because of my backpack, no idea how long it had been open or how many people I flashed.

    3. Trawna*

      Oops! My go-to, because I’m uncomfortable wearing layers all day — adding a snap between the two bust buttons.

    4. Lizzo*

      Had a problem with a button (in)conveniently coming undone on my shirt during my dad’s funeral (!?!??!?!) earlier this year, and I wasn’t prepared because that’s not normally a thing that happens with my shirts.

      Thankfully I don’t think it happened while I was delivering the eulogy…

    5. amoeba*

      I accidentally unbuttoned, like, two or three buttons while saying goodbye to the hiring manager at the gate after a whole interview day. Awkwardly tried to re-button while shaking his hand and pretending nothing was wrong. I still wonder whether he thinks I did it on purpose to seduce him into giving me the job… (I did not get it, in any case!)

  22. Anon for recognizable mortification*

    I was being trained on a process by someone I didn’t know very well, and I already had it in mind to turn the existing written outline of the workflow into comprehensive directions, so I was paying close attention and trying to catch every detail and nuance. The person training me was fairly thorough and I knew she was very busy, so I felt bad taking up more of her time with questions for the purpose of writing up documentation for situations that might never arise. Also, I have a habit of stumbling over words. It gets worse when I’m nervous or pressured.

    We were nearing the end, and I had one last quick question, or a brief question, as it were. What came out was: “I have a queef question.”

    Dead silence for a moment. I could see the trainwreck coming as I was talking so had an extra moment to plan, but STILL somehow I said the word again as I tried to recover: “No, not queef, *brief*.” She had the good grace not to laugh or comment on it, but I was ready to quit that job, move far away, and start completely over.

    Please, heed my warning and choose one word you always use so neither your brain nor mouth thinks it might be okay to say both at once. However, if you do someday commit this same gaffe… I implore you to write about it in a Friday thread so I know I’m not alone.

    1. Becky*

      Nowhere near that but my brain once tried to say the phrases “holy cow” and “no freaking way” at the same time and it came out “no freaking cow” which is now a running joke with a friend and I.

      1. Anon for recognizable mortification*

        I love this! But yeah, it happens kind of a lot. There was also the time when I tried to say “Okay!” and “Great!” at the same time, and it came out “Gay!” Was I in a city’s gayborhood, speaking to someone I read as a gay man? Yes, yes I was. (I’m queer, for the record.) And just the other day I said “white-erase marker” instead of whiteboard or dry-erase marker. I wasn’t at work in either of these instances, though.

      2. Becky*

        I’ve also done the same thing with “you’re welcome” and “no problem” which came out “you’re problem.”

        1. jlynnm*

          My daughter was pretty little when she came up with ‘no iclue’ – long before an iphone/ipod and it was some semblence of no idea or no clue…. it’s stuck for like 20+ years.

      4. Butterfly Counter*

        There’s the meme out there of the person playing soccer who kicked the goalie in the head who tried to say, “I’m so f-ing sorry!” and “Are you okay?” at the same time and it came out, “ARE YOU F-ING SORRY?!”

        Makes me laugh every time.

      5. londonedit*

        My mum once attempted to say that something either ‘scared the pants off them’ or ‘put the wind up them’ and came up with ‘put the pants up them’. Which is obviously now part of the family lexicon.

      6. Lizzie*

        I did that once in college. During finals, so no sleep and lots of pressure. Tried to say barreling and zooming together, and came out with “bazooming” the funniest thing is i didn’t even pick up on it, and kept yammering on. Meanwhile my two friends were hysterically laughing at me.

    3. Dark Macadamia*

      Why couldn’t your brain have said “brick” instead??? This is great lmao

    8. Gnome*

      Thank you for this… been laughing for several minutes straight. My teen was worried I was having some kind of medical episode.

    9. Bizhiki*

      Ohh, here I was reading all these stories, thinking so smugly that I really don’t have any embarrassing work stories. But reading your comment has reminded me (I was obviously trying to block out the mortification) of the time I left a work voice message referring to myself as the “engorgement coordinator”. It wasn’t even one of those voice mail systems that let you re-record if necessary, I just had to let it stand.

      You’re not alone Anon.

    11. B*

      Guy I worked with once combined something coming to a halt and a stop to say “screeching stalt!” We all knew exactly what he meant.

  23. museums&glitter*

    When I was an intern somewhere about 10 years ago, our staff bathroom had a difficult lock that was easy to accidentally not turn all the way. This led to my supervisor walking in on me on the toilet…. I’ve literally never told anyone this happened.

    Flash forward, and I’m now a full time staff member at the same institution and my former supervisor is now a peer co-worker. I assume she must remember this, but we’ve never talked about it and probably never will!

    1. ThatGirl*

      Same idea led to my now-former grand-boss opening a stall on me. We never talked about it; I don’t think she saw much as I sorta gently pushed the door back shut as soon as I saw it starting to open.

    2. Mid*

      Oh I’m getting a flashback to the worst designed bathrooms I’ve been in.

      The stalls were narrow but long, so you couldn’t reach the door from the toilet. The locks were sliding locks that never really securely latched unless you really wiggled them into place. And the floors shifted slightly, so if someone else walked into the bathroom after you, and you didn’t spend 5 minutes making sure your door was truly latched, not just appearing to be latched, the stall doors would open themselves. And they all opened out, so you couldn’t do anything to stop it if you were in the middle of your business.

      So I’m using the bathroom, unaware of these quirky doors, and someone walks in. My door slowly swings open, as I look upon it with pure terror. It slams into the next stall, making a huge noise, and the person who walked in to check their reflection was startled and turned to look for the source of the noise, and we made direct eye contact, as my pants were around my knees and I was unable to move. I didn’t know what to say/do, so I gave them a little wave and said “hey.” Which might have been the weirdest possible thing to say at that moment.

      After that, I carry on with my day and head to my next class, and it turns out the person who I just exposed myself to (unintentionally) was going to be a guest lecturer for the next two weeks for my class while my professor dealt with a family emergency. She ended up being there for the entire term, so 8 weeks. She was also a lovely person and never once indicated that she remembered me from our *interesting* first meeting. I also printed out two dozen signs and hung them on the front and back of every door in that bathroom so no one would have a repeat incident.

      1. Elenna*

        Oh noooo!
        (I’m sure you meant the *doors* shifted slightly, but now I’m imagining that the floor moved up and down like one of those 4d movies at theme parks, jostling the doors out of place. Just to make the design of that bathroom even worse.)

        1. Mid*

          haha! Yes, I did mean that the door shifted, but the floors also had a startling amount of bounce for a tile floor!

        1. Not So NewReader*

          The part about the little wave did me in. I will have to remember to wave if this happens to me.

      3. Hills to Die on*

        I had a professor who told a story about accidentally leaving her mic on while she went to the bathroom. All 300 people in the lecture hall got to hear that. SHe said ‘and we all got to know each other a lot better that day.”

    3. anon24*

      One place I used to work had an all gender single bathroom with a lock on the inside that would show whether it was locked or not, but apparently at some point it was showing locked but not actually locking. This was discovered when one of my women co-workers was using the toilet and had one of our men co-workers open the door. Fortunately she screamed not to come in and it was laid out in such a way that all was ok, but after she was done they checked the door and realized the lock was useless. Even after it was fixed I was so paranoid using that bathroom that I used to kick the trash can against the door whenever I used it so that if it happened to me hopefully whoever started opening the door would hit the can with it and realize something wasn’t right.

      1. Dont be a dork*

        Once I knocked on a bathroom door and no one answered after a few seconds, so I turned the knob and started in. A) It was occupied and B) that person had not bothered to Lock The Door. I turned around and found a restroom in another building so fast I probably would have outrun the Flash.

  24. Panda*

    This is pretty mild, but I was mortified.

    I was in a two hour Teams meeting over lunch with a VP, a couple executive directors, and members of our legal team, sharing a document we were all working on for a more important meeting tomorrow. I was starving and Hubs brought in a sandwich and sat it right next to me. The higher ups were discussing the paragraph in question and they had been taking so long to discuss anything and had so far not needed me to do anything but move the document to the next talking point so I thought I had time to take a bite of the sandwich. Just as I took the bite, the VP says, “What’s your thoughts, Panda?” I reached into my mouth and pulled out the bite so I could talk, not realizing my camera was still on. While the document was still up, anyone could have seen me in the corner of the screen yank out that bite out of my mouth and plop it on my plate. I was beet red the rest of the meeting (and turned off my camera).

  25. Lizabeth*

    Back in the 80’s I was a green graphic designer interviewing with a small boutique ad agency. And just happened to mention how hideous a radio ad was that I had been hearing lately. IT.WAS.DREADFUL and insulting to women on top of it (think stupid blond voice – and even after all these years I remember it. A real estate ad for condos – Circle the circle at the circle. REALLY???). Guess what? That ad agency created it and the interviewer gleefully pointed that out along with the fact it worked because I remembered it. I pointed out right back at them that I was remembering it for the wrong reasons and that you couldn’t pay me to go visit the place based on the ad. Needless to say I didn’t get a call back from that place. And while it was awkward I learned to own my design opinions.

    1. Trina*

      I mean, I think that’s probably a sign it wouldn’t have been a good fit for you anyway! Besides, there are definitely some ad companies I’d like to give some feedback to regarding ads that have had the opposite effect from what they intended.

      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        We all remember the Shake Weight ads. But did we buy them…? (Goes off to look for the SNL sketch about it…)

      2. ferrina*

        Definitely. If someone I interviewed said “I think your product was insulting to women,” we’d be doing a deep-dive into the product and why the person feels that way (I want to hire people that can identify harmful stereotypes and unconscious bias!)

    2. OrigCassandra*

      Somebody definitely should have been mortified about this interaction, but I sure don’t think that person is you, Lizabeth.

    3. Former Young Lady*

      I did a similar thing in my very first office job. The guy training me turned out to be the lead actor in a local commercial I called corny and stupid. (Daaang, I am bad with faces.)

      He was very good natured about it, and we became work buddies over the next couple years.

    4. k bee*

      In a second interview, I ended up calling out how the organization’s main fundraising event (I didn’t know this was their cornerstone event) was harmful to its cause and undermined the people it intended to serve… its a common event that can be done well and inclusively with a few tweaks, but by-and-large doesn’t happen with those tweaks. They hired me anyway, kept doing it the bad way, and this year (6 years later) started to take the more inclusive approach with it. I only lasted 6 months there and in that time saw the complete turnover of two separate teams. Oh well.

    5. idwtpaun*

      Ages ago, I was interviewing for a job at ad agency and during the interview found out that they have the account for a certain pharmaceutical brand. I let the interview know that their TV ad, which was based around people saying in various languages that they take a certain medication, has the speaker of my native language say they shoot up with the medication as if it were a drug. I never got a callback for that even though I thought the interview went well and I sometimes wondered if this was a strike against me. Most likely, though, I was just the weakest candidate applying, since I was fresh out of college.

  26. Lexa*

    My worst one is this : I was doing an apprenticeship in a factory as a maintenance technician. I was 17 at the time I think. I was taking my job really seriously, and read a lot of stuff about proactiveness and being a go-getter. So something like 2nd week, I casually stroll to the big boss and go : “Y’all gotta stop the assembly line, I need to check something on that machine real quick”.
    Another manager pulled me aside and quickly explained that the line was only stopping for an emergency, and that I should wait for scheduled maintenance to do that kind of things. I have no idea how he managed to stay calm because I was so out of touch! I realized it some months later and I still cringe about it years ago !

    1. Becky*

      Eh…this one actually could go either way. I’m remembering hearing about the Toyota manufacturing facility rule that says anyone at any time can stop the line if they notice an issue. It leads to greater productivity and higher quality output in most cases.

      1. ecnaseener*

        Sure, but it’s still pretty funny to think of a teenage apprentice making a decree like that without having any reason to think this factory had a similar rule.

  27. Reality Check*

    I was working as a waitress in a fine dining restaurant and was serving a table of 4. I had picked up their dinners from the kitchen and was trying to grab the tray stand, when I put my hand at the wrong pivot point under the tray, causing it to wobble, and I lost one of the dishes. It crashed on the bar and eventually the floor. So: 1. Messes on the bar are the bartender’s problem, so she was Not Happy I dumped a dinner there. 2. Whatever lands on the floor is the busperson’s problem, so they were Not Happy about cleaning that mess 3. I had to tell the customer that I dumped their dinner on the floor, so they were Not Happy they had to wait for the new one 4. The chef was Not Happy he had to make the dinner again, and 5. It was the most expensive item on the menu, of course, so the owner was Not Happy about that.
    Good Times.

    1. Dasein9*

      Ugh, but yeah. I once had someone pick up one of the 3 16-oz frozen strawberry margaritas that was ON MY TRAY while I was leaning over to serve the fourth to the lady in the back corner of the booth. All three ended up on his very nice suit. Because balance.

      I think the restaurant did pay his cleaning bill, and he certainly tried to shame me for it, but I maintain to this day that catastrophe was all on him!

      1. Reality Check*

        Yeah. Rule #1 – Don’t snatch anything from a server’s tray. Because balance.

    2. Meow*

      This just reminded me of when I was a busser at a steakhouse that did buffet brunch. Our dishes were tremendously heavy, and a table of 6 would have tons of them. I was finishing up a table, walking through a busy dining room with a tray on my shoulder, and a guy chooses that moment to stand up from his seat and knocks my tray with his head. Dishes everywhere. It’s the only time I ever lost a dish, which is saying something, because I am notoriously uncoordinated.

  28. Pants!*

    This was close to 20 yrs ago and I still think about it. I was carrying things from one building to the next and my pants started slipping, right as I managed to get the door open my pants fell to my ankles. My hands were full with equipment I couldn’t just drop. GAWD!

    1. RedFacedMrs*

      Sorta work, as my husband is a pastor and we were at a pastor’s conference.

      I almost never wear dresses. I own a couple pairs of underwear that are too loose and should be trashed.

      I wore a dress to the conference, and discovered the underwear issue about 5 minutes into the meet and greet. Walking across the room I feel everything sliding down. Clapped my knees together and awkwardly beelined for the bathroom. I investigated the problems, and found no good solution, other than going commando. I wasn’t brave enough to try that, so I awkwardly stumbled around the entire time, trying to be discreet about yanking my underwear up every dozen or so steps.

      I finally told my husband I was tired and going to sit until the service started.

      That underwear hit the trash the minute I got home!

      1. wine dude*

        I sometimes do the wedding officiant thing. My last one I some managed to leave the hotel without a belt – and without noticing. When I got to the venue the effect of which was a bit amplified by some recent intentional weight loss and it being a warm day. I managed to get through the ceremony by keeping my legs wide apart and a discreet hand behind my back…

  29. ScienceLady*

    I was a teacher, teaching sixth grade science. One time, my kids were a little giggly in my usually best class. I gently reminded them to settle down a few times, and when it continued, sharply scolded them and told them to get it together. They were subdued the rest of class and it finished fine. When I got back to the shared teacher office, my colleague gasped and immediately alerted me to the fact that my pants had a 3-inch rip. In the butt. And I was wearing, uh, non-coverage underwear. So yeah, I essentially flashed a class of students. I had to teach the rest of the day, so my colleagues and I STAPLED MY PANTS TOGETHER and I continued on the rest of the day. Oh, middle school. The mortification just never stops.

    1. Sarah*

      Needing to use office supplies to remedy a wardrobe malfunction definitely qualifies as top tier embarassment in my book! Oy!

      1. Dasein9*

        And Alison could probably get a column out of just office supply wardrobe hacks alone!

    3. Dark Macadamia*

      Also a middle school teacher and I hemmed a skirt with a stapler when I saw it coming apart at work. Fortunately not a wardrobe malfunction that time but I tucked the same skirt into the back of my tights once!

      1. Teacher, too*

        I feel like these stories really show how resourceful teachers are when provided with the bare minimum lol

  30. Deanna*

    My Scottish Dad and his male fellow Scottish co-worker were posted to the American branch of the company for a while. One day while working they found that they needed a rubber AKA what us British folk call an eraser. So off they went to the walk in stationary cupboard to rumage about looking for one. An American coworker walks in and asks what’s up.
    “We’re looking for a rubber” My dad replied.
    The American co-worker was stunned and was backing up slowly out the cupboard when my Dad’s co-worker, realising what a rubber referred to in the US, quickly explained that they were looking for an eraser and NOT a condom.

    Mortifying for Dad at the time, but a very funny ancedote for the rest of the family!

    1. Jessica Ganschen*

      For some reason, I can never remember that “rubber” is slang for a condom. My first instinct is always to ask, “A rubber what?”

      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        It strikes me as old-fashioned slang, from back when condoms were kept behind the counter & people had to ask for them. (But cigarettes were often in vending machines that nobody watched.)

        1. SunriseRuby*

          I haven’t heard “rubber” since the mid-to-late 1980s. People finally grew up and became comfortable with using the word “condom” instead of a silly slang word because of the AIDS epidemic.

        2. DrRat*

          I went to the sleaziest possible casino last time I was in Vegas just to see how bad it was, and omg, it was bad. BUT….they still had cigarette machines! I was so excited I took a photo. It was like finding an apatosaurus.

      2. Deanna*

        This story happened in the late 2000s and when I heard it, it was the first time I learnt that a rubber can mean a condom in the US and I was about 18 at the time. I still never hear a condom being referred to as a rubber.

    2. londonedit*

      I did the same thing, but on a family holiday to the US when I was about 7 or 8. We were at one of those arcades where you won tickets that you could exchange for a prize, and when it was time to leave I decided I wanted to exchange my tickets for one of the packs of fun shaped *erasers* they had as prizes. I was quite shy but my mum encouraged me to go up to the counter by myself, so I went on over there and said in my most polite voice ‘Could I have a pack of rubbers, please?’ As you can imagine, the woman behind the counter nearly lost her actual mind, and it wasn’t until my mum came over to see what the commotion was that she explained I meant *erasers*. I’d never heard the word before!

    3. annie nony*

      Many, many years ago I was tutoring ESL, and had this fairly sheltered, muslim teenage girl as a student. Of course schools in my home country continue to insinst that teaching the queen’s English comes first, and anything else is just dialects, so ‘rubber’ in the office supply sense came up at one point, and I felt compelled to explain this cultural difference because I knew she might spontaneously combust if she ever had to find out the hard way.

      Her response? “Oh, so I need to make sure to say eraser or people might think I’m a pervert!” – Reader, I briefly pondered trying to unpack all that, but decided it was above my paygrade.

    4. Al who is that Al*

      While working on the rigs off Aberdeen, I said to a couple of bluff Texans whether they “wanted a fag?”
      Purely unintentional but the look on their faces….

      2. Deanna*

        Funny you mention Aberdeen, because my Dad lives near Aberdeen and worked alot in Texas for an oil company! If there’s ever an open thread about cross-culture clashes then me and my Dad would have stories for days.

      3. DrRat*

        A big, buff good looking dude from out of town (friend of my late hubby’s) was visiting my city during gay pride. He was mostly unfazed by all the googly eyed looks he got from guys. However, there is a small ferry service that runs to an island nearby and he really wanted to try it, as he was a desert boy and had never been on a ferry. His unfortunate phrase, spoken loudly and enthusiastically as a group of gay men walked by? “I really want to do a ferry before I get home!” He only realized the unfortunate interpretation as it became clear that there were going to be several volunteers.

    5. Asenath*

      I was car-pooling with some co-workers, and for some reason the conversation turned to odd place names, and someone mentioned one that could also refer to a sex toy. One of the people in the car didn’t know the sexual meaning of the word, and asked about it. The rest of us were so taken aback; we looked at each other and no one was willing to explain. I’m sure that as soon as the woman got home she asked someone who explained the term to her, and I don’t remember the discussion ever being resumed.

    6. KatieP*

      We had some British gents on secondment at one of my former employers, and one of them smoked. At one point, they told a coworker that they were going to take a smoke break, but what they said was, “I’ll be back in ten, I need to blow a .”

  31. PrairieEffingDawn*

    Years ago I was having a conversation with my boss, I’d been at that job for a couple months. It was around 3:00 pm so I’d eaten lunch a couple hours earlier, and mid sentence a piece of a peppercorn that was stuck in my teeth rolled back into my throat. It was so spicy that mid sentence, voice ceased to come out of my mouth. From my boss’s perspective it was for seemingly no reason. I went from talking at full pitch to a whisper. I wasn’t able to cough it out and recover so I had to just walk out of the office unannounced and drink some water.

    1. noncommital pseudonym*

      I had just finished eating a bag of flamin’ hot cheetos when my boss walked into my office to discuss a rather tricky situation with a junior colleague who reported to me. A couple minutes into the conversation, but mouth kept getting hotter and hotter, my water bottle was empty, and my eyes were starting to water. I finally said, “Excuse me for a moment, could I go get some water?” When I came back, I explained, and she laughed, saying, “I was wondering why you were getting so emotional over this topic! I didn’t realize it affected you so deeply.” Nope, not emotion, just hot cheetos.

  32. Rapunzel Ryder*

    Once in a committee meeting about ten years ago someone mentioned that they were glad it ended on time because they needed to leave to finalize their divorce. They said it so flippantly that I thought they were making a joke, so I laughed. Apparently they did not think it funny and pointed out to the full committee of about 25 people that I laughed about them getting a divorce. I was young and beet red so everyone brushed it off but I still wake up at night thinking about it.

    1. Kate, short for Bob*

      Oh no, that was on them. Making that remark flippantly? Jerk move to make you feel bad about it.

    2. Zephy*

      If it helps, ten years after the fact: that’s an incredibly weird way to announce to your colleagues that you’re getting divorced, which is itself a weird thing to share with coworkers.

    3. Ann O'Nemity*

      Similar story. A coworker left a meeting saying he was going to “put down a horse.” It was said so casually and so unexpectedly that a few of us laughed. (I think it was a few of us? I hope it wasn’t just me.) Turns out he owned horses outside the city and was in fact going to meet the vet to euthanize one.

    4. Bad bad bad*

      My first college roommate, on the first day we met and moved in together, told me in a dry and deadpan voice that her brother had gotten hit by a truck. It was so unexpected, especially considering the tone, that I did one of those startled laughs like “wait, what?!” She never forgave me.

    5. Migraine Month*

      I laugh when startled, even when it’s completely inappropriate. My manager once mentioned that one of my coworkers (white, female) was being “uppity”, and I was so shocked I laughed. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I explained that was NOT OKAY to say about anyone, and furthermore I didn’t agree that the coworker was out of her lane.

  33. MerBearStare*

    This was back in 2017. I was at my old job, working for an association management company, and I needed to send my association’s instructors a link to register for a conference. The conference was a month away at that point, so I was emailing this to them in a hurry. About an hour later I get a call from the association president, who’s a very nice man, and he says “I tried to use the link to register, but it sent me to YouTube.” Instead of sending them a registration link, I sent them a link to the cerulean blue scene from The Devil Wears Prada. I just say “Oh God,” he laughs, and then I get off the phone to quickly send a “Don’t use that link. Use this link!” email.

    After I sent that email, I was telling my work friend what happened. I have a loud voice and it was an open office, so basically my whole unit heard and started laughing. It was even mentioned on my last day. Fortunately I had a good relationship with all the instructors and none of them check their email that quickly, so I didn’t get in trouble and none of them seemed to know what happened. And hey, the ones that did notice got to watch the best scene from a great movie.

    2. Thin Mints didn't make me thin*

      At least it wasn’t the horse head scene from The Godfather?

  34. Lexa*

    My most recent one is this : I’m waiting for my boss, and meanwhile I’m stretching the back of my neck, and this particular stretch looks a bit like I’m in prayer. So my boss comes in and jokingly asks “Who are you praying to?”. Only I have auditory processing disorder so I heard “Who are you waiting for?”, so I answer in all seriousness “You, obviously”. There were like 5 seconds of uncomfortable silence and eye contact, and then he left on some pretense to come back later, and only then the understanding kicked in ! Fortunately we’re all socially awkward yo different degrees in my little startup, so it wasn’t a really big deal.

  35. Delta Delta*

    I’m a criminal defense lawyer. One day many years ago I was wearing a pair of fully lined dress pants. I think I’d been in practice about… 2 years? Still definitely in my 20s and still looked like a high school cheerleader (people often thought I was 10 years younger back then)

    I had a hearing with an incarcerated client who was transported to court that afternoon. This was a guy who had Seen Some Things and was stuck with the newbie lawyer. I went into the holding cell with him to discuss the hearing. I dropped my pen, and crouched down to pick it up. Just as I crouched we both heard the loudest RIIIIIP noise and I realized it was my pants. I had to turn around and ask the client to tell me if my tush was hanging out of my pants. He, sheepishly, had to look at my butt, and told me everything was fine. I was really embarrassed, but kept my composure, finished the conversation, and left the room. I went into the bathroom and found out it was just the lining of my pants that ripped away from the waistband. I told the client, because I figured it was better than leaving a mystery, and that it would be better to own my embarrassment.

    A week or so later I went to the jail to see someone different and the guard who checked me in said something like, “hope your pants don’t rip today!” Apparently word got around.

  36. Little Mermaid*

    Do you know how you sometimes will make a typo and not realize it until you see it copied in an email reply? That happened to me but with a graphic.

    At a previous job, my boss shared news to the staff about an exciting accomplishment via email. People were responding to everyone on the email chain with celebration gifs/pictures. I wanted something more unique so I went to Google Images and found a very artistic sketch of a woman’s/shoulders with her hair dramatically swirling around*. It was similar to the woman in the Starbucks logo but with more hair. I sent it off.

    It wasn’t until it was sent back to me in a reply all that I noticed that all that in all that swirling hair, the drawing included the woman’s very naked breasts peeping out from behind the hair. It was like an optical illusion. It wasn’t obvious at first but once I saw them, it was all I could see.

    Luckily, everyone laughed off my mistake.

    *I don’t know why I was looking for an image like that but it made sense at the time.

    1. RebelwithMouseyHair*

      When working at the agency, I was translating a document about different kinds of leather. I happened upon a glossary that gave me a couple of useful definitions right on the first page. This was last century, we didn’t have bookmarking and favourites options on browsers back then, I couldn’t copy the text into a file. So I decided to print the glossary out. The boss came over to fetch his own document from the printer, but my glossary was still spewing forth. As it was in English, and I was the only person translating into English in the office, he brought it to me, horrified, asking me not to print up personal documents on the company printer. As from the second page of the glossary, it started explaining which leathers were the most lickable, or suitable for BDSM accessories…

  37. Teekanne aus Schokolade*

    Brand new to corporate workforce after getting out of teaching and the youngest in the company by thirty years. I (cis-female, mid-20s at the time) was in a great mood and just got finished talking to a rather relaxed coworker who had her whole office in hippie decor and didn’t pay attention as I greeted the corporate HR lead (mid-50s cis male) with “What’s up, Buttercup?”. There, in the middle of the hall with all the doors open he proceeds to chew me out for unprofessionalism and inappropriate workplace behavior. Everyone heard, I was mortified. Was I in the wrong? Yes, but nobody has ever so thoroughly humiliated me in my whole life. So, when offering corrections, please take someone aside and do it in private!

      1. Anon today*

        If he doesn’t want to be called buttercup then she needs to respect that. It’s like when a man refers to a woman as honey, it’s up to her if she wants to be referred to that way. Oh wait, only women are allowed to have boundaries around here I guess.

        1. LizB*

          He’s perfectly within his rights to not be called buttercup, but chewing her out when it sounds like this was a one-off random occurrence is way overreacting. “Don’t call me buttercup” or “What a strange thing to say” with some side-eye is the max reaction needed here. And I do think the commentariat here would say that the first time your coworker calls you “honey,” tell him simply not to – but also, there’s a long history of men using nicknames for women for sexist reasons that just doesn’t exist for a woman using one for a man. Everyone’s allowed to have boundaries, but context does actually matter.

          1. Anon today*

            If someone doesn’t want you to use a pet name you simply don’t. This isn’t a CoNteXt thing. Context doesn’t matter full stop. He probably shouldn’t have publicly corrected her like that but you don’t get to use some vague history of something or another to defend actions that target individuals.

        3. Not So NewReader*

          He way over-reacted. A simple, “That’s not appropriate” would have been enough here.

        4. What even*

          “What’s up, Buttercup?” is the same type of saying as “See ya later, alligator!” It is fine not to want to be referred to as Buttercup or an alligator, but the first time someone calls you that, the appropriate response is to just tell them. There’s no need for yelling.

          A man calling a woman ‘Honey’ has connotations that Buttercup and Alligator do not.

          1. Anon today*

            No, it’s not any better because they rhyme but I agree the yelling is unnecessary. I’m not sure why people have to calculate the “connotations” of something, decide if it’s equivalent before they are allowed to be bothered by it. If someone is bothered by something and wants you to stop you stop. Not weigh out some sort of vague historical thing or buzzword that gets thrown around and keep doing it. Stop defending the actions of people who call people names they don’t want to be called by just because it doesn’t meet your arbitrary standards of being equivalent to sexism.

    2. Seeking second childhood*

      A quick pointed statement is all he needed: “That is an inappropriate way to address a mnager.”
      As described, he then went on to a heated condemnation, which yes is an inappropriate response to an inappropriate comment by a junior employee.

    3. Dennis Feinstein*

      That reminds me of the time I (female) told my boss (female, 10ish years older than me): “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it”.
      She took it quite well, luckily for me.

    4. Migraine Month*

      I’m pretty sure I have accidentally told several coworkers that I love them while ending calls. Which leads to the incredibly awkward “Do I call back and explain that I didn’t mean to say that or just go die mortified in a corner?”

  38. LaverneD*

    On my first day as a new assistant professor at a small liberal arts college, I was prepping a lecture about “adultism,” which is the thing that adults do where they think they’re better than kids. I went online looking for an picture or image of this concept and eventually clicked on a link that brought me to a huge, graphic photo of a penis (graphic design circa 2002, with lasers and flashing lights). [Apparently adultism is also a fetish? Should I bring this up in class?]

    I started sweating in my office because I opened up porn on my new computer and wasn’t sure what to do. I figured I’d ask my department head what to do, as uncomfortable as that was given our new working relationship, him being much older than me, and his not understanding what I was telling him. Eventually he decided I should tell the dean about how I opened up a porn site to see what she wanted me to do. After another mortifying conversation with the dean, she said she would let me know if IT came to her about this.

    I tried to do the right thing but in retrospect should have just left it all alone…

    1. Cat Tree*

      In about 2009 I was a newbie to the workforce and I was tasked with finding the chemical formula for a certain molecule. I googled. Turns out there is an adult film star with the same name as this chemical. Google filters were not as good back then.

      1. Muddlewitch*

        I was a fairly new employee when a new bar /public house called The Thomas Lloyd opened across the road.

        Someone wondered out loud who Thomas Lloyd was, and I volunteered to google the name.

        I’m SURE they didn’t name the pub after a p*rn star, but I was mortified!

      2. Butterfly Counter*

        Oh yes. This happened to me as a grad student in the computer lab. This was early-days Google, so I was curious about a friend of mine. I found out the hard way she shared a name with a VERY famous porn star at the time.

        I sure didn’t tell anyone about that, though!

        1. No longer working*

          I’ve been trying to locate a former coworker/friend of mine… unfortunately there was a convicted (and executed) murderer with the same name.

      3. AcademiaNut*

        Way back in they day when it took time for images to sloooowly display themselves on the screen, a colleague was searching for a LaTeX manual, and clicked on a promising looking search result.

        1. Writes everything in TeX*

          Oh, that’s just brilliant

          (LaTeX, for those who don’t know, is a typesetting markup language popular in academia, usually pronounced “la-tek” in my experience. After a few years of that, it would never have crossed my mind that latex is technically spelled identically; I’m honestly amazed I’ve never done this myself. )

    2. Uranus Wars*

      Oh goodness this is giving me flashbacks to my first job out of college. This was a small company ~ maybe 20 people, and the internet was still novel (circa 2001) to many of us. I completely forgot about this until reading yours…

      About 6 months after I started, all employees got an email about appropriate use of work computers and that they were monitoring the websites we were visiting.

      I remember thinking “what dumbass watches PORN on a work computer”. Fast forward two weeks when my boss needs something and I searched my history for the website. Imagine my surprise when it turns out I was the porn watcher. Very very OTT stuff. Apparently a virus got into my computer and was visiting allllllll the sites. I sprinted to IT mortified. Luckily by then they had worked out it was a virus. Thank goodness for time stamps!

      1. JustAnotherKate*

        One of my co-interns at a federal agency years ago (law students) managed to not only fill his screen with SUPER inappropriate images but to shut down the entire agency’s systems for a whole day by typing in whitehouse dot com instead of whitehouse dot gov. Not everyone believed it was a mistake but the guy was MORTIFIED.

        1. ScreamingOverHere*

          Ah. We found that little difference at one of my early jobs. Someone was looking up something at work for their kid’s project, back when it was likely no one had internet at home. Oops. We all remembered after that, that dot gov was a thing!

        2. wine dude*

          I did that many years ago, while showing an older friend this new thing called the internet, and all of the cool things she could look up for her grandkids. I typed in nasa dot com instead of nasa dot gov. Complete mortification ensued. It took me half an hour to clean up the mess. I think friend never touched a computer after that.

        3. Short Librarian*

          As a middle school child in the late 1990s and living in Wisconsin, I tried searching for the website of a local politician in order to do a school report. Since it was still the early days of the internet and I was a child, I didn’t know about the differences between a [ dot ] com, and a [ dot ] gov. But I was savvy enough to know that many websites just used their subject’s name in the URL. So I just typed his last name and [ dot ] com in the address bar. The politician’s last name was Obey (pronounced O-bee) and the website I found was not kid nor work appropriate.

  39. Joyce+To+the+World*

    I had a dress blouse that had an odd side affect of color changing when the wearer became hot. I am always hot. I would forget and ended up wearing it to several interviews since my usual working attire was much more casual. So embarrassing to be wearing a shirt that is different color under your arms and any warmer area. After about 3 times I came home and just threw it away.

    3. Delta Delta*

      Remember Hypercolor clothes? Seemed fun until your otherwise blue shirt was bright pink in your armpits because bodies are naturally warmer there.

      1. londonedit*

        Yep. My mum refused to let us have those, even at the height of their popularity, because she thought they were disgusting for that very reason!

      2. Not Your Admin Ass(t)*

        Oh, god. I remember how those were banned from every school in my region like five minutes after they came out, due to boys deliberately holding their junk to leave a handprint there, then bragging it came from one of the girls. The boys were ALSO grabbing Hypercolor-wearing girls’ chests (consent not invited) to leave their own handprints over the breasts they could brag about.

        The lesson I learned about Hypercolor is that Dudes Ruin Everything. :/ I always wanted one of those shirts, but was too afraid to ever wear it outside my bedroom if I’d gotten one.

  40. Throwaway123*

    When I was an intern, we had these really expensive Herman Miller chairs at work that my manager would go on and on about how much they cost. One day, I didn’t notice I got my period and I stained the lime green fabric. I threw a bunch of papers on top of the stain ran out of work to change. When I came back no one was around so I tried to clean it. The lime green fabric was ruined. For some reason, I thought the next step would be to CUT out the stain. So I did. I cut out a HUGE hole. I then got duct tape and covered up the large hole. I ordered a seat cushion on Amazon for next day delivery. I left work and covered my chair with more papers and files. I was too ashamed to tell anyone or ask my male manger for a new chair. Time went on, I became an employee and I sat on this runined chair with the cushion for five years. Then opportunity: renovations were happening on our floor. The whole department left leaving only four people on my floor. Over the holidays, I switched out my chair with one of the chairs from the department that left. No one ever knew.

    3. President Porpoise*

      I did that for a friend once. Not ripping up the chair, but managing some sneaky chair shuffling. My friend unexpectedly started her period and it turned out to be exceptionally heavy. The chair was ruined, as was her skirt. She enlisted my help to acquire covering materials for her and her chair (I keep several dark cardigans at my desk b/c I’m always freezing), and I was sworn to secrecy. For a week or so, she continued to use the soiled chair, stain concealed with a blanket. Now, our office operates on a 9/80 schedule, and I had opted to work on the Fridays that most people took off. I also usually get to work pretty early, so I was the only person in the building. I noticed that someone had vacated a cubicle a couple rows away, so I went and swapped the chair in the vacant cube (which was a pretty nice one) with my coworker’s gruesome, bloody chair – now sans blanket – without fear of discovery.

      The chair was replaced by Facilities by the following Tuesday – so, apparently, all the cloak and dagger was totally unnecessary and we could have had it resolved with a minimum of grossness if either of us had been less young and easily embarrassed. Ah, good times.

    4. Period Tracker? what's that?*

      I stained a conference room chair in the big boss’ personal conference room, in a high level meeting I was only at bc my boss was out of town, when I was in my 20s and not tracking my period yet. It happens! Next time I think I’ll scribble over the blood with a Sharpie or something, as if that is better (well, it’s less biological).

    5. Victoria, Please*

      Whyeeeee can they not sell replacement chair seats, or even just fabric covers…..

    6. Still Mortified*

      Years ago I had my monthly conference with my then supervisor and I was sitting in one of her visitor chairs – fairly cheap standard office chair with grey cloth cushion – and I thought maybe I had started my period. I finished up my meeting and went to the bathroom and not only had I started but it had stained my underwear and skirt. I had to then go back into her office and let her know why I was taking the chair (it had totally stained it too!). Those types of chairs are difficult to clean but I did my best. It ended up joining the similarly stained chairs in the large community conference center as people would just clean as best they could and then swap out for an unstained chair. My supervisor was an older woman in her late 50s-early 60s so she was very matter of fact about it. I was very embarrassed.

    7. Azure Jane Lunatic*

      Oh nooooooooooooo! I’m glad you were able to resolve it in the end!

      My Herman Miller chair was medium grey, and mesh. I had PCOS (and more to the point, undiscovered endometrial cancer) at the time, and managed to bleed through a tampon, a washcloth sewn into my underpants, a pair of shorts, and my skirt (fortunately for me, it was black). I was working late so pretty much no one was around to notice, I put some paper towels down on my car seat and made an emergency trip to walmart, and fortunately work had a shower-bathroom for the benefit of bike commuters so I could wash off. The stain got less distinctively shaped after I swiped at it with cold water and some paper towels. I was then calm enough to tell our night janitor that I was so sorry but my chair had a blood stain. He was able to make it go away.

  41. chellie*

    My husband is chronically, irritating early for Everything. He dates that to the time that he was late for a Very Important Meeting, sat in the only empty chair, and found himself on the panel of presenters.

    3. Yoyoyo*

      I am also chronically early but am getting better about it, but I was late to my very first leadership team meeting as a new manager because I didn’t realize the parking situation at that building would be so dire and circled around for awhile. I walked into a packed room, where the COO gave me a very warm hello and invited me to sit in the only open seat, right between her and the CEO. Mortified.

    4. ferrina*

      I had an interviewee who showed up 50 minutes early to a 9:30am interview. I was the only person in the office, and it was sheer luck that I had decided to come in early that day. When I told her she was too early, she asked to sit in our lobby for 50 minutes. We didn’t have a lobby- we were a single open suite with a handful of conference rooms! (which she could see just from the open door). I told her where the nearest coffee shop was and told her to come back at her interview time. She got the job and did okay, but years later she still stood by that ridiculously early time.

  42. JanetM*

    Does being clumsy count? A couple of years ago, I came out of the little kitchen, caught my toe on a couch in the hallway, and went flying (technically, I think I might have taken two giant, ungainly steps, but it certainly *felt* like I was airborne). I landed hard enough to deeply scuff my elbow and do some damage to my shoulder. With three witnesses. Fortunately, I didn’t hit my head on the floor or the wall. Also fortunately, I didn’t hit or go through the glass wall.

    Everyone was very kind. They helped me sit up, let me sit while I recombobulated, then helped me up and to a chair. The CISO found a plastic bag to make an ice pack for me, the CIO’s admin assistant called the HR manager and got me the information for our worker’s comp carrier, somebody texted my direct manager (who was out of the building in a meeting), two people offered to drive me to the ER if I wanted, and they all checked on me while I waited for my husband to come pick me up.

    (I did not go to the ER; I went to a worker’s comp clinic as dictated by our carrier. Several x-rays later, I was scheduled for six weeks of 2x/week physical therapy. I still don’t have full mobility in that shoulder, but it continues to improve slowly.)

    1. wendelenn*

      If we could upvote, I’d give you one for “recombobulated”. This is a word that needs to happen.

      1. Lightning*

        If you ever fly out of Milwaukee WI, keep an eye out for the “Recombobulation Area” just after security :)

      2. Remote Office Custodian*

        Fortunately, it’s already a word! The Milwaukee Airport has a “Recombobulation Area” immediately after security. It has benches and tables to give travelers space to put themselves back together.

    2. Seeking second childhood*

      A long ago co-worker tripped and face planted in another co-worker’s lap. Years later people still insist they were having an affair. And neither works here anymore.

    3. Sirelle*

      My boss managed to trip over and severely sprain her ankle right in front of the external health and safety auditor. Surprisingly we actually passed!

    4. owen*

      if being clumsy counts, there was the time i was in week…3? of my new job, in a conference room with my new coworkers, and went to push/slide my chair back from the table to get up but instead somehow…. tipped it? and fell, backwards, right into the door. Headfirst. Which was glass, and see-through, but fortunately the building was mostly deserted (we were the only people on that floor except for one other guy)…

      Except i hit LOUDLY. People on the floor above us came to the railings of the atrium and looked down to see what made all that noise.

      Fortunately i have a very hard head and did not get a concussion, just a rather large egg which was mostly hidden by my hair if i braided it right.

      But I’m hoping clumsy doesn’t count too hard :D

      1. ScreamingOverHere*

        Oh clumsy counts?? Lol.

        I had just returned to the office after my last round of physical therapy (about 6 months worth) after a car accident.

        I walked into the bathroom and slipped on some water in the floor. I went down, arms flailing, and after slowly getting up, had to go tell my grand boss (who literally hated me) that I’d just reinjured myself on a wet floor and needed to go to the doctor. She was confused…you just got back from therapy, I thought you were done?? Nope, hurt again.

        Ended up juggling 6 more months of PT. Still hurt sometimes, 20+ years later.

  43. Leah*

    I once spilled my drink into a vendor’s lap while at lunch – and then I started automatically wiping at his groin with my napkin. I am a woman and a mom, clearly, and he was a young man. We both nearly died.

  44. Anon for this*

    I write fanfic. This is a part of my life that I have kept very very separate from any other part of it. I was on a lunch break and working on a story. I had copied a whole lot of text from said story with the intent of moving it to another part of the document when a coworker on Slack DM’d me. They wanted to know how I had phrased something on an email and I went to go and copy that text. Except I didn’t and pasted in the fanfic text into the DM and hit send automatically.

    At least it wasn’t erotica.

    1. kupo!*

      I accidentally typed a password into a Slack chat instead of the VPN login window I thought I had targeted, and I thought that was pretty bad! If I sent someone fanfiction, I think I might just pack my bags and move away…

      2. comityoferrors*

        Oh no, I just realized my own mortifying moment. I was presenting my screen to my employees and logging in to our software. Usually it autopopulates the user ID and starts on the password field. But this time it didn’t, and I typed my password in to the ID field, fully visible to all. That’s bad enough no matter your password, but my best friend and I have a running joke where we come up with the crudest penis-related passwords (that we then translate to 133t$p34k#–we don’t share our actual pw, just the base phrase). Thankfully none of my staff are internet nerds the way I am, and I deleted it pretty quickly, but it doesn’t take much to figure out what “D1ck____” is referring to.

    2. SJ (they/them)*

      I HAVE DONE THE FIRST HALF OF THIS except I miraculously didn’t hit send. Also mine was in the chat of a large team meeting aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

      I insist on both a work and a home laptop now, and never the twain shall meet.

    3. Anonagain*

      Oh my god, I live this dual life too and this is one of my nightmares! It somehow gets more and more stressful the higher I get in my organization.

    4. Elenna*

      …oh god.

      My coworkers think my main hobbies are hiking and sometimes baking. In fact my main hobbies are playing video games (mostly Stardew Valley), watching people play video games (also mostly Stardew Valley), and reading fanfiction (mostly not of Stardew Valley). I have very carefully avoided imparting any of this information to my coworkers.
      (I do also enjoy hiking, though.)

      1. Anon for this*

        This fanfic episode aside, I’ve tried to keep everything separate. Every once in a while the streams threaten to cross. Like when I realized a very popular podcaster with whom I have interacted on various social media platforms a lot is the child of our narcissistic director.

    6. Turtlewings*

      In a similar way, I once very nearly sent a chunk of my fanfic (a fairly romantic chunk, in fact) to a guy on a dating app. Fortunately I caught it before hitting “send.” I guess that would have been one way to find out real fast whether he would be tolerant toward my hobbies…

      1. ScreamingOverHere*

        I actually hit send, in a chat to a guy I was seeing.

        His only response was that a certain described activity wasn’t physically possible with his body type.

        Couldn’t have been too bad, since he married me :)

    7. I am also anon for this*

      Oof. This is nightmare material for me. I don’t write anything too NSFW, but at the same time…I’m not comfortable with anyone in my real life knowing about this. I have a folder on my computer titled “Delete unread if I’m hit by a truck,” and I pray that in that scenario, my next of kin respects my wishes.

  45. RedHeadFred*

    In my early 20’s, I was working as a new receptionist in the OB/GYN clinic when a gentleman came in for his appointment. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me figure out why a man would be there, but tried to be cool about it. The doctor had requested I page him when the patient arrived (this was back in the 90’s), so there is this very nervous guy with a small paper bag that he set on the counter. I call the doctor and announce to everyone in the waiting room “Mr. Smith is ready to come in the back.” After he left, the other receptionist had to explain to me why the guy turned bright red… Apparently, I’d named the exact reason why he was there.

    1. SJ (they/them)*

      noooooooooooo aaaaahhhh oh nooooo!

      (and also just fyi for the future, and for anyone else reading this, there are indeed men who require ob/gyn care :)

  46. Sarah*

    A guy was checking into my campground with his girlfriend. His best friend was getting married and he was the best man. Making small talk, I said something about having just been maid of honor for my best friend and how much fun it is. She had a very complicated dress and it took two of us to get it on her AND get it off. Remembering how much we struggled with that, this gem falls out of my mouth – “at least you don’t have to help the bride out of her dress at the end of the night!” To which his wife replied, deadpan “I certainly hope not.” Wanted to crawl under the desk and die.

  47. IT Lady*

    Customer at a furniture store when I was a front desk person made a comment about their kid calling them a twit. I spoke before my filter said stop, and said to the customer and in front of our office manager, “At least they didn’t call you a twat.” I still lay awake wondering how I wasn’t immediately fired sometimes.

  48. k*

    Two from my first real job out of college… I had a long drive to get there (1 hr+), and had never really done much driving outside of my local area beforehand. Clearly I did not have a great concept of how highways work/are named, because one day when a coworker asked how my drive had been, I cheerfully responded, ‘oh it was great yesterday! I took *I*-[Number] instead of [Same Number] highway, and it was so scenic!’ She was kind enough not to ask what the hell I was talking about, but I still cringe every time I think of it… but also how did I confuse myself into thinking the highway I took everyday was a different route??? I think I just got on at a different exit?

    That job was also a temporary position, and when I was leaving, my coworkers added fake agenda item to a meeting to get me to attend a meeting so they could surprise me with a goodbye cake. I was SO touched by how sweet they were, but I was also an incredibly awkward shy person who hadn’t talked about myself very much during my time there, and no one involved in the cake planning was aware I was vegan. I thanked them profusely and took over cutting and serving pieces to everyone, sweating buckets and hoping to god no one would notice/ask why I wasn’t eating my own goodbye cake. At the end of the meeting, they gave me the leftover cake … I think I just kept giving pieces to everyone else I ran into that day!

    1. Beth*

      I love your method of handling the cake that you couldn’t eat! You showed tact, grace, and generosity. Go you!!

  49. RFlaum*

    There was a bug that was making our website misbehave. I took a look at the code, and exclaimed “What idiot wrote this!?” My boss said “Uh… that would be me.” Fortunately, he thought it was funny and just laughed it off.

    1. Web Crawler*

      Yeah, I’ve learned a lot about not asking that particular question out loud. Either it’s somebody else who I risk offending, or (more often) it’s me and I have to acknowledge that I’m the idiot twice over.

      2. Ama*

        I am a big fan of “I’m not sure how this happened, but we need to fix [mistake]” That way even if I’m positive the mistake was made by the person I’m talking to, they are more motivated to help me fix it instead of getting defensive.

    2. Free Meerkats*

      My wife was sitting in the dentist chair and the dentist said, “What idiot did this bridge? It’s total junk.” She let him know that *he* did that bridge. He then redid it for free.

    3. Brooklyn*

      That’s what Blame is for. For grumbling under your breath while you search through the history trying to figure out what mud for brains wrote something, and then pretending you didn’t when you realize it was you.

      I’m not speaking from experience doing this on a call in front of my grand manager. I am specifically not speaking from any such experience.

    4. kiki*

      The best is when you ask “what idiot did this?” and then it was you one year earlier. One of my favorite managers told me that every time this happens, you should give yourself a pat on the back instead of feeling ashamed– it means you’re improving!

  50. mortified*

    I was the keeper of the office chocolate stash. I had figured out years before that not only did it make my boss easier to deal with once he had something sweet to eat after running around all day, it also meant that I knew everything that happened in the office as people stopped by periodically. Everyone contributed chocolates but on this particular day, someone had added a ton of the good stuff (Reese’s! Snickers! Twix!) while I had been away from my desk, so I was curious who had done it. A couple friends and colleagues stopped by and I asked them whether they were the chocolate fairy.

    Guys, one of those friends was very black and very gay (and thankfully out at work). To his credit, he blinked once and said, “Well, it’s always been me.”

    It took me at LEAST a half minute to catch on while he and another friend were howling so loud there were tears streaming down their cheeks. Naturally horrified, I apologized over and over but the kicker was that this was overheard by a senior Nigerian colleague who wanted to know what was so funny.

    1. lady_sparrow*

      This reminds me of an incident that has become famous in my family! When he was a kid my younger brother(nicknamed Mr T) took forever to eat, to the point where we would be sitting around in restaurants waiting for him to finish. One time we went to a Japanese place and he did the usual, so after waiting for him for a bit my father asked, in a tone of great exasperation, “Are you done yet, Mr T?”

      The waiter refilling his tea cup at that moment gave him SUCH A LOOK.

  51. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

    Interviewed on campus with an interesting company, and then they invited to come visit their offices. 1 hour plane flight from Ohio to DC, very early in the morning. Full day of interviews, then a flight home at 5pm. I had laid out everything I needed the night before – suit, shirt, tie, portfolio with extra resumes, etc. I even polished my shoes. But I did not lay out a pair of socks.

    When I got dressed that morning at 6am, I reached into the sock drawer and pulled out one black and one dark blue. I didn’t realize it until several hours later when I was sitting down at the group overview session at 8:30. So for the entire day I was terribly self-conscious about not having my pants legs hiked up, about crossing my ankles when I was sitting down in a group, etc.

    But I got the job offer and worked there for 10 years, so all’s well that ends well.

  52. Chantal*

    I used to work in the office of an animal shelter. Once when trying to figure out a computer problem I said to my boss, “Well, that’s one way to skin a cat.” Oof.

    1. Zephy*

      There are so many expressions that REALLY don’t land well in a shelter environment. Besides that one, you’ve got “can’t swing a dead cat without hitting X” to mean “X is ubiquitous to the point of being impossible to avoid” (I’ve mostly replaced it with “can’t throw a rock without hitting X”).

      Bully mixes were really common in the community where I worked at the local animal shelter; besides that, we would occasionally get in owner-surrendered dogs whose people equated food with love and that extended to animals as well. I had to almost physically stop myself from using the term “fighting weight” to express that this fat bully mix was on a special diet to help him get back down to a healthy weight for his size. (He was a very good boy, the best kind of squareheaded baby with absolutely nothing going on between the ears, just love and elevator music.)

      3. JESUS IS THE MAN!*

        “love and elevator music” –thank you, I am stealing this to describe my darling, absurd baby dog. (See gravatar for absurd baby.)

    2. Katlady*

      I foster kittens and had brought a particularly sick one to work with me so I could check on him throughout the day. I was being trained to take over the position of a person who was retiring and I was explaining a more efficient way to do something and she said “there’s more than one way to skin a cat” and then immediately realizing a very sick kitten was in the room said, “present kitty excluded”. Really a very terrible expression.

    3. The OG Sleepless*

      I’m a veterinarian and I have to stop myself from saying that almost daily.

    4. marvin*

      I was once working with a cookbook author and said something about getting at the meat of the paragraph. Forgetting that this was a vegan cookbook.

  53. Dragonfly7*

    Assumed my college had actually shelled out the money to hire the Reduced Shakespeare Company to perform “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged)” on campus rather than it being a student performance. I was so excited I gushed about it for WEEKS. None of my coworkers ever corrected me.

    1. Dragonfly7*

      About 12 years ago, I could email my husband during the work day but not text, so I had his email address saved in my work contacts. I wrote an email asking about taking days off around Christmas and added the email address by typing his name in the To: field. Only instead of auto-filling his email address, my email went to a colleague in a different state who I hadn’t ever met.

  54. LemonAndGinger*

    Early in my career I worked in admin for a professional membership organization. One day we received a handwritten letter from a woman whose husband (a long-standing member) had unfortunately passed away. She didn’t supply his membership number or their address or anything else identifying, and he had a very common name (think John Smith). So, in order to cancel his membership fees, I had to crawl through our database looking for this person and randomly decided to select the oldest John Smith on record, presuming he’d be the most likely to have passed away.

    None of us in the team – including my boss – had to cancel a member due to death before, so we hemmed and hawed over what to send back, and spent the afternoon crafting a very lovely email to the email address on record for this John Smith, hoping the wife would see it – “our condolences, John was a much valued member and we appreciated his contributions over the years”, etc. – and, you guessed it, it was the wrong John Smith!

    Realized what had happened the next day when I had to shamefacedly forward my boss the reply we’d received: an email from the still living John Smith thanking us for our kind words but he was very much still alive and well and would like for his membership to be reinstated. Luckily he saw the funny side and we did eventually manage to send our condolences to the right person!

    1. Until Recently Virginian*

      Oh man, I had one of these nightmare scenarios in my box office one time…we had two individuals, one of them a major donor and the other a one-off single ticket purchaser, who had the same first name and whose last name was pronounced the same but had one character different… the single ticket buyer called to make a purchase, and the ticket seller pulled up the donor’s account, “helpfully” confirmed with the person on the phone that none of the address or contact info on file was theirs, and changed all of it to match the caller’s, including the “misspelled” last name – which of course pissed off the major donor who was justifiably upset not to be receiving any of his communications and to have his gifts credited to someone else. Had to do some very stern retraining about how to use multiple pieces of information to verify a patron’s identify once we got the two accounts detangled again.

    2. Beebis*

      I saw a coworker deal with a similar but in reverse situation when working for a big big bank. This woman had to call us and let us know we thought she was dead but she wasn’t, so could we please unfreeze all of her financial assets and get that corrected?

  55. riverotter*

    My embarrassing story just happened. I’m relatively new in my job, which is the first I’ve had with a more formal dress code and a conservative office culture. I bike to work once a week out of necessity which is very unusual in my area. Usually I bike in exercise clothes, and change and clean up when I get downtown before entering the building. I got caught in some unexpected rain a few days ago and I live on a dirt road. I was COVERED in mud head to toe. Like, I looked like I had just completed one of those mud obstacle courses. It was in my mouth. EVERYWHERE. And I was in town too early for anything to be open for me to clean up in before getting to my building. I ended up parking my bike by a river on a main road, climbing down the rocks to the water, and washing off my face, arms, and chest in the river before I changed my clothes. I still had mud on my face and shoes when I got inside. I was also so damp- I ended up asking my partner to bring me dry socks on my lunch break. But no one has said anything to me about seeing me in the river on their drive in, so hopefully I’ve gotten away with that. I’m NOT leaving the house without checking the weather again!

    1. Uranus Wars*

      I really wish you were my coworker and that I would have seen this. I think it’s awesome!

  56. Paula*

    I once accidentally unmuted myself on a zoom call just before I reacted to a team member’s request with “Oh I’m gonna kill this idiot!” When a couple of folks IMed me “you’re not on mute!!” I nearly fainted.

    1. Phoenix*

      OMG I did this with a professor during a Zoom class. He made a sexist joke, to which I loudly said, GROSS! Someone in the group chat broke the news to me…

      1. ToS*

        Thank you anyway – It not only needed to be said, but also taken seriously by the professor!

  57. Harried HR*

    When I first emigrated from the UK I got a job in a resort in Florida. There was a giant wall board with all of the units listed with dates. When we made reservations we would write the name on in the unit for the time period in question. If it was a unconfirmed reservation (no deposit) it was written in pencil. I needed to remove a reservation from the board and I asked my Manager (60ish Southern Woman) if I could use her rubber….

    Needless to say chaos ensued and I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me

    FYI – Rubber in UK = Eraser / Rubber in US = Condom !@!! !!!

    1. Elenna*

      I love (not sarcastic) how every time Allison posts one of these we get multiple stories about the “rubber” issue. Two countries separated by a common language, indeed!

      2. aussienonny*

        Many years ago I had an English co-worker who had emigrated to Australia, and she confessed to me that she had nearly had a heart attack the first time someone in her office had casually asked her to toss him the Durex*.

        Which, at the time in Australia, was the common brand name of, and was almost universally what we called ‘sticky tape’ :) (And well before the *other* famous Durex product was commonly available in my state without a doctor’s prescription for married people)

    2. Hrodvitnir*

      In NZ when I was young rubber was the main word used, and I’ve been resisting changing to eraser just because we’ve got so Americanised but at this stage I’ve pretty much given up.

      But when I was like… 12? I went to the dairy (corner store) and asked for a rubber. The nice Indian man paused for a second and said “you do mean an eraser, right?”

  58. InsufficientlySubordinate*

    When chat systems were still kinda new, I was at work at a small-ish company. I was seated beside someone who was 1) loud, 2) repeated himself two to three times, and 3) was on a phone call. I messaged a friend “OMG, make him stop talking! He’s repeated himself three times already! Even I know the answer!” Unfortunately, she was in a meeting, projecting her screen, with about 15 other people including our boss and grand-boss, and, well, I could hear the gales of laughter from my desk.

    We all learned how to mute chat when in meetings after that.

  59. Check the locks*

    I have a good one. I was interning at a company and someone walked in on me when I was sitting on the toilet. I guess I hadn’t locked the door all the way, and she saw everything. My legs were open. A view only my gynecologist and partners have ever seen. Eek. Needless to say, we were both very uncomfortable around each other. Thankfully, we only saw each other infrequently since she worked in a different department. I don’t even remember her name or even what she looked like, but we’ll both never forget that moment.

  60. Half April Ludgate, Half Leslie Knope*

    I once texted my boss “can you order a refill of my birth control at Costco?” – thought I was texting my mom.

  61. DeeBeeDubz*

    I worked as a server at a golf course for a few summers in college. During one of my first shifts I had not quite mastered balancing drinks on a tray while serving them to a table. I wound up spilling a full glass of orange juice down a customer’s back. He was really nice about it and luckily there were showers and change rooms on site so he could clean up. I couldn’t look that man in the eyes for the rest of the summer…

  62. Aardvark Lover*

    I was on-call for work and got paged out at 2am. I was sitting on a bridge call during troubleshooting, forgot I wasn’t muted, and started singing to my cat. It was really embarrassing.

    1. OrigCassandra*

      Awwwwwww. I would actually be quite charmed, assuming nothing was on fire or anything like that.

    3. Dark Macadamia*

      My family had a song about our rabbit and one time our neighbor was talking about his cat and how he had a song for it… Still cracks me up that my dad just said “some people do that” instead of admitting we do it too or saying everyone does it lol

    4. aei*

      I was doing some work in somebody’s house, his cat meowed at me, I meowed back, it escalated.

  63. Crawling around, under the table...*

    It was my first field-based position, and the first time my boss would be riding along. Firstly, the clients address changed so we went to the wrong place first (technically not my fault–it wasn’t on the website). However, it caused delays and was stressful. Then we went to our second, hospital client. OMGosh–I could not find my way out of the parking lot. My boss was following in her car and I just felt stupider and stupider. It *sounds* stupid, but it was a comedy of errors with entrance gates, payment options and one way lanes. THEN we went to find a place for lunch and to debrief. The restaurant was not anywhere near where the GPS said–so lost again. Once we were finally sitting for lunch, I went to grab something out of my purse, and the entirety of all my very many cards (credit, rewards, you name it) went flying out of my hands all under the table. At the time I was very sensitive about my weight and so here I was, uncomfortable and stressed about the day, with my (perceived) large self crawling around under a booth, around my boss’s feet, picking up the contents of my purse.

    My boss was AMAZING. She did not hold the day against me and continued to guide and mentor me. That was one of the best learning experiences I ever got from management–give people a chance. I really did excel at that job once I got my footing!

  64. Retired Merchandiser*

    I was doing some work at a Kmart one day and I had a shelf that refused to come loose. I went to customer service and requested assistance. I stood there and waited for I know 15 minutes ( which wouldn’t have mattered except this company only paid for a set amount of time. If I didn’t complete in that time I had to finish unpaid or store manager wouldn’t sign off on my work.) Finally a young man appeared and I said something like, “Finally!! I’ve been waiting forever!!” And in a bossy tone told him what I needed. He did it and I thanked him and got on with my work. Just as I was finishing up, a young male employee showed up and asked what I needed help with. I had made a customer do work for me *cringe. * And no, I don’t usually talk to people like that, but I was worried about running out of time.

  65. Little Bit*

    I was working as a caterer. There was a miscommunication and we found, right before service, that the venue did not provide silverware or servingware

    I volunteered to borrow them from a nearby kitchen where I had a side gig. Hero!

    Sprinted into the front door of the venue, carrying a bus tray of a mountain of servingware, in the nick of time!

    Tripped and fell in front of the guests who were already seated. You cannot imagine the noise. And the echo

    Half of them leapt out of their seats in concern as I lay there, gathering myself and praying for the sweet release of death

  66. jleahul*

    A close call to mortifying: I was testing a customer’s boardroom phones because calls were getting dropped after 5 minutes.
    I set up a test call with my cell phone, and had 5 minutes to wait to see if it would drop, so decided to take a restroom break. I was *JUST* about to go when I realized I was carrying a hot-mic broadcasting to a large law-office’s boardroom speakerphone. The bathroom scene from ‘The Naked Gun’ movie flashed through my head, and I’ve never hit the Mute button faster in my life. >.<'

    1. jleahul*

      This just reminded me of another customer’s receptionist who’s wireless phone headset apparently has voice controls!
      She was working in the back when the phone rang, and she said aloud “Oh crap, I don’t know if I can answer this, I gotta go pee!”

      The headset heard the word ‘Answer’ and connected the call, so the first thing the caller to this insurance agency heard was “I gotta go pee!”

  67. Spellcheckrequired*

    I was managing a difficult project. I had to send an email to the team. Trying to be positive, I started with “Hello!” Except…I forget the last letter. And didn’t catch it before I sent it to 60+ employees and our subcontractor. Luckily, everyone that I couldn’t recall the email from laughed about it. I used “Hi” after that for a while.

    1. Etariel7*

      Our CEO sent out a monthly update email with this exact same problem to everyone in the company (150+), so comparatively it could be worse. Still it’s definitely unfortunate!

  68. Blue Puck*

    I finally landed an interview for a real, full-time job!
    I was ready. I had all my materials and was ready to go. In my nervousness, I forgot to grab a water bottle on my way out the door.
    Oh well. I’ll stop on the way and get one. The store only had super huge bottles or more reasonable sized ‘sports bottles’ with the squeeze top.
    I’m not good with the squeeze tops, but I didn’t need a gallon jug. Squeeze it is.

    Then I finish my trip to the interview site. Plenty early. Too early. I review my materials and wait. I removed the squeeze top and am just drinking from the bottle, listening to the radio, and chilling. I am calm, cool, and collected. I am going to kill it!
    Finally, it is time. I compose myself, make sure my materials are packed away nicely, and check my watch. I’m good! One last sip…

    I had forgotten that the squeeze top was not attached… water all done the front. I’m wearing a light jacket. It cannot be hidden. But it’s time!!!

    So, I go on in. Receptionist saw the issue immediately. She kindly took me to the restroom where I could towel off some and use the blower. HR met me there and whisked me off for my very damp interview. I was only moderately damp for part two and was mostly dry by the third person. Still, each would comment on how much drier I was to the next interviewer, so I had to tell the story for every person. I went home and cried after.

    Two days later, I got the job.
    One aspect that helped was my ability to maintain my cool under tough situations.
    What’s a server crash when you can ace an interview soaking wet?

    I do not buy squeeze sports bottles under any circumstances.

    1. Hanani*

      The fact that each person would comment to the next how much drier you were is both perplexing and hilarious to me

  69. Retsuko*

    My first leadership role – I was acting as a supervisor between a team of specialists and our director. One day, I was buried in a document and trying to balance a few other spinning plates, and my director came over and asked if I had a sec.

    “For you, I have a lot of secs.”

    Didn’t even think about it. The words left my mouth, and we made eye contact as I started to realize what I’d said. She died laughing. Died. Everyone on our team stood up/came out of their offices because she was laughing so hard, I was maroon with embarrassment. To her credit, she didn’t tell a soul. Best boss ever.

    1. impatience*

      I did this when I was a kid. To my parents. I was trying to get my dad’s attention, and he kept telling me “just a sec.” I finally lost my cool and yelled “no more secs!” Immediately realized what I said and was mortified. I’m sure my parents had a good laugh about it later.

    2. JessB*

      This is so funny! And I like that your boss didn’t say what had made her laugh so much.

  70. I like hound dogs*

    One, I was working as a server for the first time ever. I delivered a bunch of plates off of my big tray and noticed that there were still some fries left on the tray (which was well-worn and definitely not supposed to be eaten off of … ) I tipped the tray sideways to shake the fries onto someone’s plate. WHY???

    Two, I was interviewing for a job at a university and it had been raining really hard (like, a downpour, and also blowing in sideways) for a couple of hours. The admin had to walk me over to let me into a different building, where the interview would be held. Even though we both had umbrellas, we were both pretty soaked within a few minutes. I was wearing heels and interview attire, and the admin was a very nice, older woman. There was an extremely large and deep puddle that we couldn’t get around because of traffic. She offered to PICK ME UP and carry me over it (I am a small person, but still an adult-sized person). I politely declined and walked through it in my heels. When I got to the interview I wiped myself down with paper towels and proceeded with the interview. Didn’t get the job.

  71. Turtle Tower*

    While a fellow at a prestigious government institution, I got into yoga after work. That’s fine, I was so limber, all those good things. The issue was bringing it into work. I was thinking, “This will be so nice to do on our lunch break, to really get the blood flowing :) “. I even roped my poor sweet fellow, uh, fellow into it. We were having a great time, on the carpet that was older than we were, in a building covered in gold and history. It was truly all coming together. Then we did downward facing dog.

    Two words: pencil skirt.

    For the rest of ourfellowship, my coworker wore pants, and I quietly got back into running. We never talked about it again.

    (Surprisingly, even after seeing Victoria and secrets, I still got a job offer there!)

  72. Juicebox Hero*

    My first job out of college was in a department store. I suffered from horrible periods including terrible cramps, but I’d usually drag myself to work because if you didn’t work you didn’t get paid and I needed the money. There was one day, though, where the cramps were so bad I couldn’t stand upright and I was out of breath.

    I had a loudmouthed older coworker who tended to treat me in a sort of grandmotherly way. She scolded me for coming in and told me to go home. She even offered to give me a ride so I wouldn’t have to wait for the bus. She called the office and got permission to leave for a while, and I explained that I was sick (no details) and had to leave. Ok, fine.

    So I followed her out through the multistory store to the top floor (the place has a parking garage, and employees were required to park on the top floor) and Every. Single. Freaking. Employee. We. Saw. She bellowed out “JUICEBOX HAS CRAMPS SO I’M TAKING HER HOME!!!” right in front of customers, over and over again.

    If I could have crawled under the floor tiles and died of embarrassment, I would have. For the rest of the time I worked there I never ever mentioned my cramps again.

  73. ACG*

    My general manager once gave me his personal cell number so I could text him in prep for our year beginning meeting. I must have saved the number wrong though, and ended up sending a WALL of text to some random person (nothing confidential, thankfully, it was a list of awards we were giving out). I then had ask an assistant manager for the correct number and give assurances that yes, GM did in fact give me his number and it would be fine for AM to provide me with it.

    1. DT*

      I had a new employee start a few weeks ago. We are a federal agency, so HQ is in DC, but our office is in Texas. So I had been corresponding with the employee via email to complete some paperwork ahead of time, and also make sure he had what he needed for the virtual onboarding (that would be handled by HQ for the entire agency). In the course of these emails, I made sure he had my work cell and personal cell numbers.

      I realized the weekend before he started that the email didn’t specify the time zone for the onboarding, so I sent a quick text (from my personal phone, as I don’t always carry my work phone) to let him know, and I also was looking forward to him joining the team, etc. I never got a reply and was honestly a little miffed (like, he knows I’m his new supervisor, he could at least acknowledge receipt, what’s with this guy’s manners).

      So he comes into the office for on-site stuff and I made a comment about it. He goes, “What text?”

      It never once occurred to me that I didn’t have the right number (I had saved the contact but was off by one digit). *facepalm*

  74. Bunny Girl*

    I used to volunteer at a horse rescue and we sometimes gave tours to school age kids. I’m leading a group out of the barn and two horses in the yard decided it was time to engage in some wild passionate horsey love making. I was not touching that with a pole so I just said Oh yeah this is Ginger and Ponyboy, while the chaperones wildly tried to make up explanations. I didn’t lead tours after that.

  75. Danuary*

    I started a new job last year with an opaque, not at all user-friendly admin system. The functions I needed weren’t always in obvious places, so I tended to try everything available to me until I found what I was looking for – my boss wasn’t great with the system either. Besides, I was told I didn’t have access to anything that would break the system…what could go wrong?

    Well..four months into my job my boss was contacted by the head of another department. It turns out there was a button in the admin system I tried pressing a few times that appeared to do nothing on my end, but sent THOUSANDS of redundant tickets to this poor other department each time I did. They didn’t say anything to me at first because I was new and it was IT’s fault this function was available to me in the first place, but after the fourth time they figured they should get me to stop pressing the button. I was mortified, but luckily no lasting harm was done.

    My karmic punishment was receiving roughly 20,000 emails in one day as IT deleted all the tickets I accidentally created.

    1. Night Vale Seems Good by Comparison*

      This is amazing. But in your defense, it sounds like maybe they shouldn’t have such a button in the first place. Like why would anyone need that??

  76. Queen Ruby*

    When I was in my early-mid 20s and working at my 2nd post-college job, I got a puppy who liked to chew the crotches out of, well, any garment with a crotch. I was in the cafeteria at work one morning and noticed a table of (all female) coworkers looking at me funny and whispering. They weren’t the friendliest bunch, so I didn’t think much of it. Until like 1/2 an hour later….when I was in the restroom and realized the pants I was wearing had a huge hole where the crotch used to be. Since we wore lab coats, I didn’t feel a draft and didn’t realize that half of my butt was on display.
    Thanks, pup!

  77. JenniferAlys*

    I flew into Greensboro, NC for a sales conference. Was scheduled to arrive midway through the first day. Snuck into the hotel ballroom and when it was my turn gave my presentation to a bunch of regional VPs and sales execs. There was a reception afterwards. I had a glass of wine, was chatting it up with a lovely gentleman I’d worked with before but never met in person. Then out of nowhere I started to get flushed, the room started spinning. I drank some water, but had to hastily excuse myself. I literally had just gotten to this charming historic hotel and hadn’t had time to orient myself. I turned down a hallway where I thought the restroom might be, but it wasn’t. I turned back and violently projectile vomited in the middle of the lobby. I found the host of the event and apologized for bailing on a scheduled dinner, went to my room and was so sick for the rest of the night. To this day I pray that everyone was in the ballroom and not the lobby to witness it.

    1. cityMouse*

      Oh my! something similar happened to me once at a catered party. I’d never had raw oysters before. Oh god, I thought I was dying that night. I’m sorry this happened to you!

  78. Mabelline*

    This was long ago, but as a teenager I participated in a group interview at a trendy clothing store. At the end of the interview, we were told to go out on the floor, pick out an outfit, and try to sell it to the manager interviewing us. The manager emphasized we should do this task quickly. Looking back, that was probably to limit disruption in the store. But I saw it as a speed race. I flew out the door of the back room and ran through the racks, grabbing clothes and attempting to slow down my competition. I left stacks of clothes a mess and tried to block access to racks. At one point I even muscled an actual customer out of my way. After what I was sure was a record-setting amount of time, I breathlessly presented my outfit, explaining that if the clothes were ugly (I specifically remember using the word “ugly”) I could get them different clothes before anyone else had even come back with their first ones. The manager was horrified and I was informed I would NOT be getting that job. Looking back, I have no idea what got into me and I feel terrible for making even more work for the people who had to clean up after my spree!

    3. Generic Name*

      I’m in the office, and I’m having a hard time suppressing my guffaws. I’m envisioning something like Supermarket Sweep but at a clothing store. I’d bet they had candidates take like an hour to find an outfit, which is why they said “quickly”, but I can totally understand why your brain went to, “It’s a race!!”.

  79. annie nony*

    Not mine, but once upon a time I tagged along to zoom meeting with a few client reps, who wanted to clarify some specific technical points of our product, so we also invited our PO. My colleague who was hosting then opened with, “I see we have some new faces on the project!” and asked one of the participants to introduce himself, and in what role he had joined our client. It turns out he was actually our own new junior PO who had started last week and not gotten around to meeting our specific team yet.

  80. GovSysadmin*

    When I first starting using Unix back in high school, one of my friends told me a neat trick – that if you have a stuck process, you can run the command ‘kill -1 -9 0’ and it will kill all of your processes. I happily used that for a few years, and never thought of what the implications of it would be. When I was in college, I worked at the helpdesk for our computer science department, and one day, I found I had a stuck process and ran that command to try to kill it. Unfortunately, I chose to do this 1) while logged in as root (the admin user), and 2) on the main file server for the student cluster.

    It turns out that what this command *actually* does is try to forcibly kill the init process 0, as well as all of its child processes. When you are a normal user, you don’t have permissions to actually kill init, but since all processes on the system are considered child processes of init, it will kill any of your user processes that you do have access to kill. When you run it as root, however, it ends up killing every process on the system, including the file server, and all of the other things the cluster needed to run. Fortunately, doing a full reboot of the system fixed everything (eventually), but I managed to prevent a few hundred students from being able to do work for a while…

  81. Sales Geek*

    One of my duties in my former career was representing my employer to national user groups. They’d meet several times a year and it was always a great chance to network or just pal around with my fellow tech nerds.

    The last meeting I attended was in Boston and I was taking a handful of customers (representing their employer at the conference) out to lunch. If memory serves it was at the Legal Seafood in downtown Boston. It was a large-ish group; maybe 8 people. Because of the number of people at the table the waitress just went around the table and would stand close to whomever’s order she was taking.

    The gentleman beside me (a customer rep from a well-known tire manufacturing concern) gave his order and decided to punctuate it by slapping the waitress straight across her behind. To this day I can close my eyes and hear that slap. Imagine slapping a watermelon; that’s the slap heard ’round the world or at least around our table.

    At them moment of the slap, time stood still. Everyone at the table just froze. Then the apologies started. All of us apologized for this gentleman’s behavior. The slapper apologized. “I have no idea what got into me” he’d repeat.

    This was a long time ago and well before #metoo was a thing. The waitress was very nice about it and we went on to have a delightful lunch. But when the check came we all chipped in and I think we tipped $200 on a $100 tab.

    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      I read “…decided to punctuate it by slapping the waitress straight across her behind.” as “I decided to punctuate it by slapping the waitress straight across her behind. “
      and I thought, “sales geek needs to take that to the grave.”

  82. Poffertjies!*

    I was helping a customer and when she said thank you, my brain was trying to say “you’re so welcome” or “it’s fine”. My mouth said “you’re so fine.”

      1. Grey Panther*

        Perfect response, Tom—I’m still laughing, and now can’t get the song out of my head. (So am I goin’ out of my head, over you … ? Hee, hee, hee!)

        1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

          Well, thank you for changing my ear worm! I figured I had to share :)

  83. Phil*

    When I was a youngster in the record business I once told the head of A&R-he signed artists and produced them, a big deal at big record company-that he didn’t know what the “frak” he was doing. In front of a room full of people. And somehow I kept my job.

  84. Anonymouse*

    Had an interview once when I was looking for a job/any job about three months out of college. I figured some entry level admin position would be good, at a big university. I applied to multiple departments got a few interviews. One was with llama grooming (my background is teapot design). They need a young, energetic admin. I tell the interviewer what she wants to hear and she seems sold. She tells me I pretty much have the job, introduces me to everyone, we have a “great, see you soon” conversation.
    After a week of not hearing, I call her. She hems and haws. Bottom line, hr next interview was a llama groomer grad looking to get into the department. She WAS hired on the spot.
    Now, part of me is relieved, because this is definitely “a job/any job” not a “great opportunity.”
    Instead of saying that I am disappointed, but I understand, and asking what she liked about me, I start to cry. Thank god we are on the phone. She acknowledges I’m upset. Instead of trying to recover, I keep crying. She ends the call and I’m still thinking about it thirty years later!

  85. Potato*

    Back in my days of working retail, I was training a new coworker. We were in the break room, and at some point during our discussion said something high-five worthy. My trainee held out his hand for a high five, and instead of reciprocating the high five, I lowered my forehead onto his hand instead, face-palm style (only, you know, with someone else’s palm). The break room got verrrrry quiet for a few minutes while we all had a collective “wtf” moment.

      2. Liz in the Midwest*

        A few years ago, I was replying to an email from a student interested in taking my class the next semester. But I’d also, around that time, been doing a lot of volunteering with my roller derby league. I’m a physics teacher and an aunt, so my derby name is Auntie Matter.

        And so, instead of signing the email to the student with my actual name, I signed it with the short version of my roller derby name: Auntie.

        I realized it later that day, and emailed the student back to try to explain, but I suspect it got very convoluted and just made the whole thing seem even weirder. The student never responded.

  86. BananaBoss*

    My first day back to the office after lock-down. I hadn’t seen my boss in-person, in close to 2 years.
    He had just come from the canteen and was eating an apple and had a banana in his pocket….

    Before my brain could catch up with my mouth I had blurted out “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me??”

    I was absolutely mortified, my face went purple and I started crying tears of laughter while I tried to apologise.
    Luckily he has a great sense of humour and thought it was hilarious because it was so uncharacteristically unprofessional of me!

  87. Jules*

    Not me but my sister, working in a Coach store in the 1980s. A customer asked for belts and she showed them – “here are the men’s belts, there are the women’s belts, and here are the bisexual belts.”

  88. Sarah B.*

    I want to see one of Allison’s mortifying work stories! Or one of her clueless unprofessional moments when she started in the work world and didn’t know what she was doing.

    How about it Allison?

  89. urguncle*

    I meant to send a customer a screenshot of an issue that I had found with his configuration of some software. Instead I sent him…a picture of Mushroom, the Virginia Opossum, wearing a party hat.

  90. Jzilbeck*

    Years ago, I was helping set up for a big meeting with a bunch of higher ups in my building’s presentation room (I was not part of the meeting, just wanted to assist my coworkers in their efforts to succeed in this big review). My team and I are finishing up and as I start to head out, it turns out my new heels have this weird texture where they grip onto other foreign objects if I brush up against something. I get caught on something (probably a cable plugged in) and I take down the speaker podium, several chairs, a white board, probably another table….everything in my path is a casualty. I go crashing to the floor as all the higher ups come walking in to this scene. I came back up almost as quickly as I hit the floor as everyone stares at me, horrified what on earth just happened. All I could muster up was standing straight up, going, “I’m good, all good.” I immediately rush out the door past all these people and hid in the bathroom for the next half hour.

    Pretty sure nobody else remembers this incident but I’m still mortified by it to this day.

  91. Jean*

    During the beginning of the pandemic, my kids school and daycare closed. My husband was essential and still had to go to work everyday. My job sent us all home and told us we would be working remotely until further notice. I had a customer service type job and was constantly on the phone. Working from home with a 5 year old and 3 year old was so difficult. Luckily most people were understanding when I had a kid on my lap crying. The worst was when I was leaving a voicemail for someone. My three year old walked into the office as I was almost finished. As he walked towards me, I stuck my arm out so that he would stay back until I finished. He then proceeded to scream “Mom don’t hit me!”. I didn’t know that you could re-do a voicemail so I just hung up. I was so mortified and worried that I would get in trouble.

    1. CU*

      My son shouted “MAMA! I HAVE TO POOP!” while I was on the phone with a customer. Thankfully she was also working from home with small children and thought it was hilarious.

      1. Anonymath*

        My son reported, “MOM, I MADE A HUGE POOP!” at the top of his lungs while I was on a video call with a student. Thankfully we both just laughed it off.

  92. quinks*

    I attended my first work conference, which was my first time meeting a lot of people in the industry, and of course mistakes were made.

    First, in a noisy area while trying to introduce myself, I used a known acronym to help them understand my name (For example, if my name was Mia, I would’ve been introducing myself with “Like Missing In Action!”). I am still occasionally reminded of this by people who were present, but it’s good natured teasing at this point, at the time it was very embarrassing.

    Second, after a very fancy dinner where I didn’t drink any alcohol, I managed to wipe out walking and sprained my ankle bad. The people with me helped me get back to the hotel and sorted, and I found out later that because it was arms-over-shoulders-limping happening, a lot of people thought I was just totally wasted. I was able to mostly clear this up at the conference (by actively having a wrapped ankle up on a chair for the rest of the events), but the people back at work who hadn’t attended the conference gave me shit about it for years.

  93. veryanon*

    I wet my pants at work in my early 20s (i.e. as an adult) from laughing so hard at something someone said and then getting nervous about the possibility of wetting my pants which made it worse. Worked in an open office space so couldn’t just close the door and not see anyone for the rest of the day.

    I forget if I just did not get up from my chair for the rest of the day or tied a long sleeve something around my waist to cover it but I am still so mortified. I wonder if the people I worked with/for knew and are now clicking on this article being like, “are any of these really going to top the time our intern wet her pants?”

    1. Curmudgeon in California*

      I have “stress based incontinence”. That means when I cough, laugh or sneeze I leak, a lot. Before I gave up and started wearing “granny pads” I frequently had … dribbles, sometimes large ones. I started keeping spare underwear and pants in my car. After I started wearing incontinence pads it took me a while to dial in the correct size to hold my leaks. Once I did, I was able to cope with just a lot of spare pads in my desk.

      Working remotely means never having to wonder if my leak is showing, and being able to change clothes if it swamps the pad.

  94. Lore*

    This story is so many years ago now that I feel safe telling it in some detail. My somewhat dramatic coworker came into my office to tell me something and slammed the door with a dramatic flourish to share whatever it was. And then when he turned around to exit, the door would not open. The lock had somehow gotten jammed. I was imminently due in our mutual boss’s office for a meeting so I had to call her and say, “I’m running late because locked in my office and btw can you come let us out?” She came over and tried to open it from the outside–no luck. Then she called security to come with the master key–still no luck. Building maintenance had to take the lock apart from the outside to get us out. Which took a long time.

    Meanwhile, the office was so small that my coworker had to sit on the end of the desk to avoid being smacked by the door when it ultimately flew open. We were friendly, but not exactly close enough that spending an hour locked in a closet-sized space together was comfortable.

    Fortunately, our boss thought it was hilarious.

  95. Cobblestone*

    I once wore a dark sweater inside out to work. You couldn’t really tell, and I certainly would never have noticed if it weren’t for my coworker at lunchtime who saw my tag sticking out.
    “Your sweater is inside out,” she told me quietly.
    “Is it?? OH MY GODDDD!!” I responded.
    If the lunchroom table full of my other coworkers didn’t know before, they certainly knew after my response! It was extra hilarious since my supervisor didn’t believe it, and had to come over to check himself that my sweater was indeed inside out. Another coworker asked if I had gotten dressed in the dark that morning, which I indeed had!

    1. Marketing Automation Guru*

      LOL I did this. My intern coworker kindly told me at about it when she arrived at 11am, and I went to the bathroom to fix it. She seemed more embarrassed than I was.

  96. Empress Matilda*

    Waitressing at a Dirty Dancing type resort – the guests were there for a week, from Sunday dinner to Sunday breakfast, and we had the same tables the entire time, so we got to know them fairly well. One day, my manager asked me to set one of my empty tables for a family of “transients” (ie, restaurant guests who were not staying at the resort). Then he told me it was Eugene Levy and his family. Neat! I enjoyed a few minutes of fame with my fellow servers as word spread, but it was another half hour or so before they actually came, so everyone had calmed down a bit in the meantime.

    It was the kind of restaurant where the servers carry a large tray over one shoulder, and kick the kitchen door open to go back and forth from the dining room. On one of my trips out, the door was a bit wet and my foot slipped, just enough for me to topple the bowl of strawberries on my tray. And at the same time, I noticed that there was a woman sitting at Eugene Levy’s table … and I completely lost the plot. Went to the table that had ordered the strawberries, and started babbling “I spilled the strawberries I’m so sorry I’ll go back and get more we have lots of strawberries in the kitchen I’m so sorry I’ll get you a new bowl right away…”

    Remember these were regular guests, so they knew me by this point – and remember also that it was only Eugene Levy’s wife and kids who had arrived, so they had no idea there was a celebrity in the house, and no context for me apparently losing my entire mind. They reassured me that it wasn’t a problem, and they were sure that we did in fact have more strawberries available. So I went back to the kitchen, and did not actually die of embarrassment.

    But wait, there’s more! After I had composed myself and gone back to the dining room, Eugene himself was still not seated. His wife pointed to another table and said “he’s over there chatting with those people – would you mind asking him to come back to our table so we can eat together?” So I had to go over and die of embarrassment again – interrupting a conversation between two sets of guests, so I could tell “Mr Levy” that his family was waiting for him. Fortunately the rest of the meal went off without a hitch – I don’t think I could have handled a third incident like this!

    1. ThatGirl*

      Well, now his kids are famous in their own right! But haha, I can imagine your mortification and discombobulation :)

  97. Just Me*

    I once worked in an office where I was the only native English speaker. All of my colleagues spoke excellent English, but there were sometimes instances where I used idiomatic expressions they didn’t know.

    One time, I noticed that my boss “João’s” pants were unzipped. I am female and thought it would be awkward for me to point this out to him, so I sent a private message to my coworker “Friedrich,” who was also good friends with João, and said, “Hey, João’s fly is down and I think it’d be awkward if I said something. Maybe you should tell him?”

    A moment later, Friedrich shouted across the room, “I DON’T UNDERSTAND–WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, ‘JOÃO’S FLY IS DOWN’?”

    João, unfortunately, did understand what that idiomatic expression meant.

    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      “I asked my coworker, João if he’d ever met the guy on the new hires list who was called Joe-ay”

  98. Just a Manager*

    My boss and I were on a video call with a consulting company that had done quite a bit of work for us before, but they had been acting like they didn’t want to do it on this project. I messaged my boss if she thought they were acting weird too.

    Unfortunately, I was still screen sharing… I quickly stop the share. They didn’t say anything and we didn’t either. We had a couple meetings afterward but haven’t done any more work with them.

  99. a clockwork lemon*

    It was either the summer right after my senior year of high school or my freshman year of college but I had an internship where I was once tasked with sitting in a quiet, extremely cold, dimly lit back room assembling gift bags for some event. I ended up falling asleep on everything and was only woken up when my supervisor came to check on me towards the middle of the afternoon when I hadn’t taken my lunch break.

    I’m pretty sure I lied and said I had a headache or something and in hindsight I’m sure she didn’t believe me, but she was fortunately very chill about it.

  100. GythaOgden*

    I was flushing the building for legionella — basically making sure the sinks and toilets aren’t stagnant and don’t breed a particularly deadly bacterium responsible for legionnaires disease.

    Basically, I tried to get clever and do all the taps in one toilet/kitchen vestibule at once. I turned the taps on in the kitchen, crossed over to the toilets and flushed them and their basins. I went downstairs.

    About half an hour later, a maintenance guy came in and said he could hear someone taking a shower..in a storeroom. Water was pouring down through the ceilings from the kitchen — I’d left the taps on full throttle and the plug had been left in the sink, so it had gone past the overflow outlet, out over the kitchen floor and through two floors. (Second floor in the UK is third floor in the US.)

    Me and my fellow receptionist leapt into action. My supervisor was working from home, but a maintenance guy was on site and took a look at it. I fessed up to what had happened, both to maintenance and my line manager. Maintenance were happy that they didn’t have to scour the floor for a leak (my colleague hadn’t told them what had happened). My line manager said, and I quote, that he would far rather have a flood than legionella. My supervisor said…absolutely nothing.

    I had a very scared weekend but it really was a case of ‘least said, soonest mended’. My workplace is pretty supportive and I respect them for their stance on legionella. My colleague knows of an outbreak not far from us a while back, so it’s definitely a live threat.

    But it really did give me a terrific kick up the pants. I have done flushing since, but I’ve never left the room while the taps were on.

  101. Was My Face Red*

    I got caught short one day at work, my period came and I didn’t have any supplies on me. I did what everyone always does when that happens, I wadded up some toilet paper and made a makeshift pad to tide me over until I could run to the store at lunch.

    EXCEPT. I was wearing a loosely fitting skirt and even looser fitting underpants. So, as I walked across the floor of our busy ad agency… the bloody wad of toilet paper fell out onto the floor.

    I felt it go. I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept walking. When I got back to my desk, I could see it sitting there dead in the middle of the floor. I cowered for about half an hour and then casually walked past and kicked it aside a little. I figured I could do that a few times and then eventually it wouldn’t be IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM and I could stealthily pick it up and dispose of it.

    But, when I wasn’t looking it disappeared. I guess someone else picked it up.

    I still want to die every time I remember that day, and it was over a decade ago.

  102. Talkie*

    Once, I was in a department Zoom meeting, where a new guy presented his work on, let’s call it “robot toasters”. I’m a big fan of robot toasters even though I’m not on a team that works with them, so I excitedly asked in the chat about the application of his robot toasters to my kind of work. But the guy had some small misunderstandings as English was his second language. First, he missed the exact area I was talking about, and secondly, he pointed out publicly in the chat to my entire department that what he mistakenly thought my idea was, was “completely pointless”. Which I agree with – but I meant something different!

    I was absolutely mortified and tried to save myself in the chat, but robot toasters is a very specialist area that’s not easy to understand, and the new guy was an expert in it. Basically, it looked to the entirety of my colleagues and senior management that I had presented an absolute toilet of an idea, and been roundly told off in public for how awful it was.

  103. Deffo anonymous for this*

    Various clothing malfunctions have occurred during my tenure as a high school teacher (OF COURSE they were teenagers witnessing this, not cute pre-schoolers).

    I once scooped up a tower of books and walked around the classroom handing each one out, only to get to the last few before realising I’d caught my skirt in the pile and had been basically flashing the whole class, who were sitting unfortunately at eye level to my crotch.
    I thank the Lord for wearing very opaque pantyhose that day.

    Another time I was teaching a difficultly behaved class and they were deathly silent. I was thinking to myself that the activity I’d chosen must be a really good one and I’d have to reuse it, before a student burst my bubble by telling me that my shirt was undone. I looked down and yep, the whole thing over my chest was wide open, exposing my sturdy bra in its entirety. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t feel a… breeze or something?.
    I buttoned up and pretended like nothing had happened, and the class didn’t really enjoy the activity after that!

    1. ferrina*

      Former preschool teacher here- there’s less social awkwardness around wardrobe malfunctions in a preschool, mostly because the kids are causing most of the malfunctions. They want to climb you and hands go….wherever a handhold is. I once had a child stuff their hand into my shirt while I was talking to a parent (not their parent). The kid even managed to pull down my shirt, flashing the parent. I removed the hand and pretended like nothing had happened. Pretty sure my face was bright red, and the parent was trying not to crack up while looking anywhere but at me.

  104. Just in it for the money*

    I was working as an assistant for a very perfectionist boss (think national CEO of a large global organization). I had been in the job for 2 months and this was a step up for me. I was very stressed (see perfectionism above!) and trying so hard not to make any errors. My boss asked me to email some edited copy to a leader in the organization. I promptly emailed the the copy to the 2 leaders who had sent in the original documents. When my boss found out, he flipped out, and ripped shreds off me (yup, not the easiest person to work for). I was mortified and so upset. I remember wondering what had he written on the copy that was so bad that he did not want the writer to see? But I didn’t have the will to look at the pages closely. The worst part was when I texted my husband to tell him that I had effed up at work, and the boss was mad at me, and the fall out was terrible, I used the real curse words in my text. Of course I was so rattled that I sent that text to my boss rather than my husband. When I got home that evening, my husband met me with a hug, and I just burst into tears! To this day, I’m mortified thinking about the series of events that unfolded!

  105. Meow*

    My husband had a remote coworker who would come to our town once a year for a DR project. He was Indian, and loved checking out local Indian restaurants when he traveled, so we agreed to have lunch with him at a local Indian buffet. I was telling him how much I love Indian food (which is true, it was why I came along!) when I accidentally ate some sort of spice, the kind you’re clearly supposed to pick out and not eat. It was the spiciest thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. So spicy, I immediately became physically ill and had to dash for the bathroom. I was in there for quite a while, as my body was so upset, it felt the need to try to violently eject it by every means possible.

    When I finally returned, the guy was still cracking up, saying “I’ve never seen anyone eat one of those before!”. And from what my husband says, no, this guy has not ever forgotten this incident…

  106. Petty Betty Crocker*

    Okay. So, I had just gotten back into the ren fair life. I was also working a full time non-profit job (yeah, gotta cosplay as a responsible adult if we want those bills paid).
    Being the person I am, I did give my non-profit some coupons so some of our clients could attend cheaply (we served families and people of all ages, and my fair is a non-profit itself). One of my c-suite coworkers asked for a pair of coupons for him and his now-partner (this was one of their first dates). I happily agreed.
    They came out. As my coworker is snapping pics (unknown to me), I bent down to interact with a toddler. I am extremely top-heavy. I wasn’t wearing anything that could be classed as “push-up” or “form-fitting”, but I was wearing period appropriate, lower merchant class clothing, and wore a very “new world” bra to help rein in my bust. The bra did not help. The damsels broke free and fell out when I bent over (and my chemise was not low by any stretch of the imagination) and one of my newly escaped jailbirds smacked this unsuspecting, innocent toddler right in the forehead. I don’t know who was more horrified; me, the titty-slapped toddler, the parents who just witnessed this renaissance breast-boffing, nearby patrons who also witnessed it (including one inebriate), or my coworker who was so shocked that he hadn’t actually stopped taking photos (he’d been taking high-speed cluster shots so he could delete what he didn’t like later).
    After that year, costuming tape became my b(r)e(a)st friend. The parents were very kind about the whole incident. My director’s wife assured me that I’m not the first to fall out, but thanks to my warnings to all newbies and my copious amounts of costumers tape, I hope to be the last!

    2. Pocket Mouse*

      I will be giggling about this mental image for quite a while, thank you for sharing it.

    3. Lead Balloon*

      I’m sorry this happened to you but I’m crying with laughter at your description!

    4. CheerfulGinger*

      Oh my goodness, so mortifying! The way you tell this story is absolutely hilarious. Laughing so hard right now!

    5. ScreamingOverHere*

      You win!! I’m sitting here trying not to wake my husband with my cackles of laughter!!

  107. Frequent reader, infrequent commenter*

    My coworker went into “mom mode” and adjusted my back pocket for me when my hands were full and then patted my butt. She does that for her daughter when she would adjust her diaper. She was mortified to almost the point of tears. I thought it was hilarious but hesitate to bring it up to her because she is still beyond mortified about it.

    1. Lizzie*

      I had a co-worker say to me “you have ink on your face” licked her finger, and stopped herself before trying to wipe it off. She was mortified, explaining she did that to her kids! I just laughed.

  108. Nostril Miner*

    I was serving as tech support for a training webinar of about 250 people. Several times throughout the agonizing three and a half hour training, everyone would go off into breakout rooms to do activities. They’d be gone for 15-20 minutes, so I would sit alone in the main room keeping an eye out for anyone who had tech issues and couldn’t get into their breakout room or anything.

    I would turn my camera and audio off every time, or… I intended to. At one point in one of the later, longer breaks by myself, I failed to turn my camera off. I was zoning out checking my email and started, um, digging for nose gold.

    I don’t know how long I did this. But eventually, I stopped, tabbed back to the Zoom call, and found someone else had just been sitting in the room with me silently, presumably watching in horror. I have no idea how long they were there or if they saw anything, but the mere thought about killed me. I actually thought I was going to throw up on the call. I just broke out into squeaky, helpful chit chat and got them back to their breakout room. (I fled downstairs and had a shot of tequila right after. This is not my style, but I was so mortified that it felt like an essential emergency measure.)

    No one ever mentioned anything. I later found out the the recording of the meeting, almost definitely unedited, had been posted to YouTube. I’ve never sought it out because I don’t think I could survive watching it. My only hope is anyone sitting through a three and a half hour long digital recording will skip by the sections where everyone else is in a breakout room.

  109. Cookies for Breakfast*

    I (a non-religious person) used to share an office with someone who practiced a certain religion very strictly. Even though it was very long ago, I still cringe at two moments in particular.

    1) Colleague asked whether there are any recipes from my native country that I recommend. I proceeded to list the virtues of one of my favourites, which tastes sooo good and is sooo easy to make…and contains an ingredient Colleague doesn’t eat for religious reasons. I caught myself one minute too late and apologised.

    2) My boss and I had a lengthy discussion about a book Colleague’s religion banned. I was thinking of reading it, and Boss was saying how much he’d enjoyed it. We only realised later that Colleague was in the room for the entirety of the conversation. I have the book at home, and haven’t ever touched it (still at the bottom of a box since my last move). Just looking at it reminds me of that moment and how uncomfortable we must have made Colleague.

    If Colleague hated me after all this (both things happened when I was quite new), he did a good job of hiding it. We didn’t socialise outside of work but went along fine in the office. Now and then I had my share of being uncomfortable, when he said things that hinted at backward views of the role of women. I have a story that ends with him asking me whether he’d been a misogynist jerk on a dating app, and me basically answering “wow, yes”. For the sake of the partners he may have had since then, I hope that’s the mortifying office moment he still remembers.

  110. ANON3333333*

    In the early 80’s I (she) worked for a company that treated management and office staff to tickets to a game of our hometown NBA team and a meet and greet with the team afterwards . We rented a room at the arena with lots of food and DRINK provided.

    I overindulged.

    I was sitting at a table obviously not hiding my inebriation very well when the president of the company came up and asked me how I was doing. I said I was fine . He then asked me if I was driving home.

    I told him “ Of course not! As soon as John (one of my co-workers) is done staring at Jane’s (another co-worker who was very well endowed) breasts, he will be driving me home.”

    Argh.

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      And who says Veriatserum doesn’t exist in real life?

      But I will join you in being mortified in the moment.

  111. KMG*

    After graduating college, I taught English in rural northern Japan. During my first week, my male, late-40s supervisor, was kind enough to show me around and help me get some needed supplies (e.g. bedding, dishes, etc.) prior to me buying my car. He was kind but very awkward. Well, one day when getting out of the car, just as he was opening the door for me on the outside, I accidentally stepped on my skirt which had an elastic waist. He got a full view of my bright pink underwear (under nylons of course–even though it was about 90 degrees, nylons in rural Japan at work is a must!). He stammered and awkwardly looked away while I very hastily pulled up my skirt. Every time I got out of the car after that, he said “please be careful.”

  112. Mystic*

    I have 2. Both not horrible in retrospect, but stars, I was a red lobster during them.
    First: working at retail. Had to be dressed in Western wear (cowboy like stuff) and all my clothes are business casual. No problem, I have a black and white long sleeve shirt and if anyone asks, I can say I’m pretending to be a cow…. and turns out that the top button had fallen off and was giving a gap view to my chest. My coworker and I decided to staple it together… while I was still wearing the shirt.
    2. Office job, I’m trying to prove I’m dependable and had worked OT that week. Friday night, I’m the last one out. I grab my car keys, I decide to use the restroom before heading out, I set the keys down, do my business and leave. Get to my car… and I don’t have my car keys. They’re in the locked building, which you need a badge to get into and because I stayed so late, my badge wasn’t working. Had to text my supervisor, who was nice enough to see if anyone would be working in the office on a Saturday, so I could get my keys

  113. Ex-Mail Carrier*

    I worked as a mail carrier for a little while in a small town out in the boonies–my route was mostly walking in the more suburban area near the center of town, but there was a section where I drove up a long, narrow road to deliver to half a dozen homes spread out over a mile or so.

    It was my first winter and one of the first really cold, snowy days I’d worked. And the truck I’d taken that day was OLD. About halfway through my route, it just completely crapped out on me. I called the office, and they sent out a tow to help me out. The whole thing was a bit of a production–I was stuck huddling in a freezing truck for an hour or so waiting for the guy and calling back and forth with the office, but eventually someone brought me a replacement truck so I could at least get moving with my route while I left my truck with the repair-and-tow guy. This was annoying, but clearly wasn’t my fault–the old truck either couldn’t handle the cold, or it just chose that inconvenient day to die on me.

    And then, I hit that narrow road–no sidewalks and mostly fields on both sides. It had been plowed out a little, and people were still using it, so I figured it’d be fine…until I hit a point where I had to turn around, and went a little too far off the road. My NEW truck ended up stuck in a ditch, the tires grinding up snow and mud into sludge and digging itself deeper into the muddy field they were stuck in. The homeowner across the street even came out when he saw me struggling and tried to help me push it out of the ditch, but we still couldn’t manage it.

    So that’s the story of how I had to call for a tow twice in one day. Luckily, everybody took it in stride and I didn’t get in trouble or anything–I think the tow guy was a bit fed up with me (I’m sure he was extra busy because of the snow), but the office and my supervisor just thought it was funny and gave me crap about it for a while. I’m pretty sure I looked bedraggled and pathetic enough when I finally made it back to the office that day that everyone took pity :D

  114. Chai Latte*

    In my late twenties, when I should have known better, I had something delivered to work because I couldn’t accept packages at my new condo (office wasn’t open yet). The online order form assured me that it would be securely and discreetly wrapped and most of my co-workers had personal items shipped to work, so I figured it was cool to send my new Hitachi Magic Wand to work since it would be in a plain cardboard box, right?
    Securely wrapped, yes. In clear cellophane tape.
    Took years to live that one down. To this day one of my co-workers yells “It’s for my back!” at odd moments.

  115. Maggie*

    Right before an interview I applied a “kiss” manicure in my car. When I walked in ( to what would later be my workplace for 5 years) and greeted the hiring manager I realized I the nails hadn’t dried and I’D GLUED OUR HANDS TOGETHER when shaking! We had to painfully pull apart two or three of our fingers. I was mortified!

    2. just passing through*

      “I’m really committed to this job, I plan on sticking around!”

      “I believe in forming close bonds with my colleagues!”

  116. career coach near the sea*

    While walking up the out of service escalator in the train station, all but the top button of my button-down-the-back linen dress came undone. It was rush hour on a terribly hot summer night, and the crowd of people behind me meant there was no way to stop until I could get to the top. A very nice woman helped button me back up. Curse you, 90s fashion!

  117. Mags*

    A few years back I went to a job interview that I really REALLY wanted. I was strung so tight it is amazing I managed to even get there, but surprisingly the interview went awesome. I was convinced I was going to get the job. We got to the end and as we all stood up I had my parting lines all ready in my head as I stepped forward, hand extended to shake my SURELY new boss’s hand…forgetting about the glass coffee table between us. My shins hit the glass and I just tipped forward. I was faced with two choices, smash the table and be left on the floor in a puddle of my hopes and blood or acrobatically save myself by turning my fall into a jump. The problem was I am not a graceful person, so what actually happened is I threw myself over the table, taking out a cup of tea and some flowers, and sorta bounced off this man’s legs before I collapsed in a pile at his feet.

    I did get the job!

    2. Night Vale Seems Good by Comparison*

      Help, I can’t stop laughing… Glad it didn’t prevent you from getting the job!

  118. Nope nope nope*

    Years ago I was working in a real estate office as an agent’s assistant. The front desk admin often sees some…interesting people fill the role. One such person decided to answer the main phone (that clients and the general public can call into) with “*Person’s Name*’s sperm bank service. You smack it. We pack it.” One day, the office manager, his grandboss, was on the other end of the call. He was fired before he could even hang up. If I wasn’t there to see the aftermath, I wouldn’t believe it either.

    1. ThursdaysGeek*

      Which reminds me of when I was in college (long before cell phones). The phone rang in our room, a friend in the room picked it up and said “Student Affairs, when do you want yours?” It was my roommates’ mother. She was not amused.

    2. London Calling*

      My ex (fairly senior in a bank) used to answer our home phone with ‘Battersea Dogs Home, chief dog speaking, bow wow.’ One day it was his (famously humourless) boss calling him at home (pre-mobiles).

    3. Curmudgeon in California*

      I used to answer my land line at home “City Zoo, Chief Monkey speaking”. One day the person said, somewhat hesitantly, “I think I have the wrong number”. It was one of my uncles, calling from out of state.

      1. Random Bystander*

        I hope you at least called him back to let him know that he’s the monkey’s uncle.

        1. Curmudgeon in California*

          Actually, I caught him before he hung up by saying “Maybe not, who were you calling for?” I then got him my Dad’s proper number.

  119. Cinderella*

    A few years back I had a job interview and decided to wear some old black pumps that I’d rediscovered at the back of my wardrobe. I hadn’t worn these shoes in years and it seems in the time that had passed the glue had deteriorated.

    I did my usual walk to the metro stop only for the sole of one of the shoes to completely peel off! There was nothing but a thin fabric lining between my foot and the ground but I didn’t have enough time to go home and change so just stuffed the sole in my bag and kept going. Got to the metro stop by the office I was interviewing at and as I walked down the street the other shoes sole came off as well! I was so mortified and had to spend the whole interview walking very carefully and ensuring that when seated my feet were firmly planted on the floor, lest anyone notice that my shoes were completely in bits.

    I somehow managed to keep it together for the interview and even made it to the next round but I learnt to only wear shoes that you are certain are sturdy and reliable to interviews.

  120. Arrghhhhh*

    I was 24-26 and my boss brought his 11 year old daughter to take your kids to work day. I offered to let her use my computer to surf the while I went to lunch. Everything seemed fine. Next day, I go to look something up and see she searched what is a bj. I freaked out and went to talk to our IT guy about how I did not search this. He insisted that one of us had to tell my boss because “as a parent, he would want to know.” I argued with him about it for awhile and he was insistent. I have a very good relationship with my boss so I didn’t see how I would get out of having this Convo with my very Catholic boss. I went in and said we had to talk about Punky and he thought it was a coworker of the same name. Nope, your daughter. So here is me, mid twenties talking to my mid forties boss about how she probably heard this on the playground and it is perfectly natural to be curious at this age but maybe it was time for him or his wife to have THE TALK with Punky as she searched about BJs on my computer. I then had to spend the next 20 minutes discussing about why Punky might have done this. Finally ended that nightmare to have him come in the next day to him throwing a folded up handwritten apology note from Punky to me. The silent scream I made of adjacent mortification on her behalf could only be heard be animals and young children.

    Boss and I switch companies. About 15 years later, Punky starts working with us in a different department. I spend week’s avoiding her because I have convinced myself that I was involved in one of her most embarrassing incidents cause it was mine as well. She eventually was much more mature than I am and said something to me. I blurted out that I was so sorry and I was able to fill in details for her. We ended up laughing about it but I still feel horrible for eleven year old her!

    Never let another child use my computer again.

  121. Brendan*

    When I was a brand new faculty member, I was at an all-department faculty meeting, trying to recruit other faculty to run for committees. Intending to use the metaphor of an octopus, I misspoke and said “If we’re successful, we’ll be able to extend our testicles throughout the school.”

  122. Elle Woods*

    I was on a committee which was looking at ways we could save money on our organization’s banking needs. As part of that, I compiled a bunch of research on the rates, programs, account features, hours, locations, etc. of nearby banks and credit unions into a master document. I’d used acronyms for the banks (USB, WF, CB, MNCO, LSCU, SFCU, WFCU, HFB, etc.). The only problem was that there were two institutions on the list that were both AB. To differentiate them, I labeled one as AmBank and the other as AssBank.

    When it came time to send over the document, I reviewed all the numbers and particulars but forgot to change out the acronyms so everyone got the copy that had “AssBank” listed as one our local financial institutions.

    Oops.

    I’ve since learned to leave myself more time to review all the details before passing things along.

  123. Zeebaa*

    I used to work at a summer camp that had an older retired couple who volunteered for the whole summer. Think Midwestern farmer types, pretty old fashioned but nice, and they were not from the area. Most of the rest of the staff were early 20s, and lived or went to college nearby. One weekend (thankfully after any campers had left, we had a lot of middle schoolers) “Joe” kept mentioning that he needed to go into town to get some “tingly rubbers” and asked if any of us knew where to get some. I think it took all of us a moment to figure out he was looking for Tingley brand overshoes/galoshes and suggest the farm store….

    1. JustSomeone*

      My old, rather straight-laced, Midwestern farmer father used to talk about his tingly rubbers from time to time, and I would die of embarrassment.

  124. KK*

    I have 2. Both equally mortifying….

    1) Came back from the restroom with the back of my shirt tucked into the top of waist of my skirt. Walked down a LONG hall to get to my cube farm & over to my desk. Was told by a coworker once I sat down so I flashed my cheeks to a good 15 ppl before I knew it.

    2) Was talking to a male colleague (I am female) in another city. I was looking something up online for him and my system froze up. On his end, it just slowed down. And I asked “Are you hung?” I MEANT to say are you hung UP but somehow the rest of my sentence did not come out.

    Both incidents were from the early 90’s & I’m still feeling heartburn over it today.

  125. Pippa K*

    Maybe we need an animal-related mortification category to recognise the wonderful contributions of our pets and other animals. My best one in this regard was the *one time* I didn’t double-check my saddle girth. At a horse show. Half way through an otherwise elegant trotting circle I felt my balance start to shift to the left. I tried to recover but couldn’t, and the saddle, with me in it, slowwwwwly slipped round to the side to the point where gravity took over and I softly plopped onto the ground. The spectators tried not to laugh, but I was obviously unhurt and took a bow, so we all had a good chuckle. Felt like an idiot, though.

    And though it never happened to me, a shout out to all the children who’ve ever ridden into a dressage test, halted their pony at X to salute the judge, and had said pony decide that now is the right time to take a massive wee. Ponies, man. Masters at the art of trolling.

    1. horses man*

      Additional horse story: I was a camp counselor when I was in HS for a summer horse camp that I’d attended through elementary. At the end of the week the kids would have the horses all dolled up and would do a little obstacle course to show their parents what they’d managed. One of the kids was tiny, and had learned a lot, but was having trouble keeping Rocky from moving, so I was assigned to assist and stand with them. I’m holding the lead with one hand and I don’t know how I got distracted by something else happening, but I was, and Rocky managed to get a bite into my non lead holding hand. He just clamped down and wouldn’t release. It hurt but wasn’t like awful, he was known for doing this, but the way you got him to stop was by punching his shoulder, so I had to figure out how to subtly punch a horse while a bunch of parents watched.

  126. Mortified manager*

    My first management job was in a highly regulated industry. There was an employee whose entire job was compliance and risk management.

    So even though it was their job to say what the worst case scenario/bad outcomes would be I thought they were a glass half empty pessimist. Their name started with N and I thought I was being clever by putting negative in front of their name (ie Negative Ned) and encouraging my staff to do the same. I was defensive of my staff because I thought this person was shooting down good ideas just to be negative.

    The worst was me not understanding their compliance role. It was their job to tell people if an idea, proposal, process etc complied with the law. Again I would get defensive of my staff for their ideas being shot down.

    To give more context, anything for compliance or risk management was sent to this person via a database for both tracking and anonymity purposes (they didn’t want them feeling pressure to agree with something just because a person high up proposed it and things like that). I accused them on more than one occasion of playing favorites or having biases against my staff because of their races, religions etc. This person would have had no idea whose idea or proposal it was. I was just defensive over some employees I know now were not very good. When this person pointed out issues they had to cite the actual laws or bylaws it would violate. They couldn’t just randomly agree or disagree. Their decisions were subject to audit and oversight by a government agency and there were harsh penalties if they messed up so they were always meticulous about their decisions.

    I made unfounded accusations that could have ruined them, and encouraged a negative nickname just because I didn’t bother to understand what their job was. It was part of my training but I thought I knew better. In the end it got me fired and over 15 years later I cringe at my past self.

    1. Ben Marcus Consulting*

      And this, friends, is why we have training for staff on bullying and harassment. Regina George herself would have told you to bring it down several levels.

      I’m glad you learned!

    2. Observer*

      I’m glad your employer fired you. And I am glad that you came to understand where you went wrong.That gives me hope.

  127. Mortification is a way of life*

    Oh, so many!!!
    * the dress tucked into sheer tights (multiple times!!), static cling bra hanging on back of shirt
    * sent info email with 800-# for govt agency- transposed numbers and was a porn call site
    * answered the phone and instead of saying ‘Mr. B(long name) called him Mr. Buttfarter
    * Worked retail and commented on what a cute grandchild a couple had. They said he was their child, and because I wasn’t paying attention, asked the child if they thought grandma and grandpa would also like a sucker?
    * Group audio call where VP said some smoke & mirrors fluff and said aloud ‘yeah right’ I was NOT on mute and have a distinctive voice. Whoopsie ;-)

  128. Blarg*

    It was about 1999. I was the student assistant to a professor. I would use her desktop computer to do my work. A friend sent me a Hotmail message with an attachment. Which I dutifully opened.

    It immediately replaced the desktop photo on my boss’s computer with a closeup of a woman’s genitalia. In a quirk that is still true today, you cannot just go back to the last desktop image used on Windows. I sheepishly changed it to the boring blue screen, and said nothing.

    The next time I saw her, she chastised me for changing her personal settings and I of course tried to explain, only making it worse. (Accidentally looked at porn on your computer during work hours cause I was checking my personal email!).

    FRANK … I’m still mad. (He was very apologetic. We were all like 19).

  129. T*

    I worked at a national grocery store, but on the floor as a deli server. I saw an opportunity to move out of retail by applying for the more professional positions in the store (hr, marketing specialist, and educator). It didn’t matter which job it was – I just didn’t want to do retail anymore! I applied for every open position and I didn’t have the work history for any of them.

    Some background, this grocer is known for large panel interviews. At the time (10 + years ago), you would do one interview with a panel and the applicant would know by the end of interview day if they got the job.

    I finally got an interview for the educator position (in hindsight – they already knew who they were going to hire, but needed one more body to interview). I had to prepare a presentation and answer interview questions with 17+ people. The entire store management team had been included in the interview!

    Once in the interview, the panel asked me super-specific questions like, what three chemical ingredients do we not use in our honey vanilla almond lotion? There were upwards of 15 questions that were this specific. To each and every one of them, I answered, “hmmm, I don’t know, but I can find out the answer for you – I’ll get back to you after the interview!”

    After questions, it was time to present. The interview room was set up with four folding tables all pushed together in square so that there was a large empty space in the middle. For some reason, and I don’t know why, I had decided that I needed to do my presentation in that empty space. This required me to actually duck/crawl under the table and come out on the other side. If this was all that happened, it would still be mortifying, but I actually hit my head (hard!) as I was coming up into the space. So hard that there was a little line of blood on my forehead. Not to be deterred, I stood up, acted like it didn’t happen, and continued with my presentation (which wasn’t at all what they were looking for). Everyone was so embarrassed for me that they couldn’t even look at me!

    I stayed with that company for 10 more years and eventually made my way into the national offices. But! I don’t think anyone ever forgot that interview. 5 years after it happened – I was the one on a panel (at a particularly bad interview) Another panel member said (not knowing this story was about me) “at least it wasn’t as bad as the girl who hit her head in an interview!”

  130. LMB*

    Was a house manager at a local theater. Was a very packed house and the ushers were quite busy. A woman with blindness and her two sons came up to me and asked me to help her to her seat. In a moment of confusion, I looked at her ticket and showed her to the wrong seat on the opposite side of the theater. Mortified I explained to her that I brought her to the wrong side. I helped her up the aisle and to orchestra right and then looked at the ticket…NOPE. Had been right the first time. Lucikly she laughed but her two very muscular sons did not. Escorted her back to the opposite side where I had been off by one row. Ten minute ordeal to learn that you should always trust the usher to seat people.

  131. Shiba Dad*

    Years ago a coworker and I went to a consulting engineers’ office to give a presentation on the latest Llama Monitoring System that we sold.

    The receptionist directed us to their conference room. Shortly after we started toward the conference room she stopped us. It was a winter day and our boots were leaving tracks on their carpet. It was really embarrassing. we had to take our boots off and do the presentation in our socks.

  132. TooTiredToThink*

    My husband and I work for the same organization and at one time, the same department. He moved to another department and occasionally calls me on our work phones. So one time a call comes through with his name on my caller ID and I picked it up with a seductive “Hey sweetie!” Unfortunately, it was my coworker who was calling from my husband’s old phone which apparently still had his name attached to it. My poor coworker was deeply confused and I was mortified! Thankfully, the coworker was good-natured about the whole thing.

  133. No Longer Gig-less Data Analyst*

    I’ve never worked in a commercial kitchen but I watch a ton of cooking shows, and I’ve gotten into the habit with my husband of saying “Behind!” in our home if I’m crossing behind him with something I don’t want to get bumped into with.

    I was carrying a big file box across the office one day back before I was WFH, and I had to slip past a male co-worker. I said “Behind!” as I passed him, and he interpreted it as me saying he had a nice butt. Luckily he didn’t go to HR, but he did mention it to my manager, who had a chat with me about it as it seemed out of character. I was MORTIFIED, this guy was nearly young enough to be my son, and I certainly never made a habit of commenting on or even thinking about people’s bodies at work.

    Once they both had the context we all had a good laugh about it, but I’ve never used that term as a warning outside of my own house again.

    1. starsaphire*

      Oooo, yes.

      I once had to explain to my (very fit and attractive) temporary roommate that my good friend who was helping me with dinner was a trained chef, and “Hot behind!” did NOT in fact mean “nice ass.”

    2. Curmudgeon in California*

      I learned this as “Behind you”, but I can see how it would be shortened…

    3. Dragon_Dreamer*

      I once had a teenage coworker try to get me in trouble. He was bending over to get a customer cigarettes, and I was ringing out someone else. My customer got a $30 coupon with her receipt, so I exclaimed, “Nice!”

      Brat coworker told his mother, who worked in the pharmacy, that I’d said it about his butt. He was 16, I was 24. Neither of them liked me. My boss told me to be more careful about what I said. 9.9

      It wouldn’t have been as bad, except that a few months before, his best friend quit because the boss wouldn’t fire me. Why was she so adamant? Someone ELSE told her I was bi, and this grossed her out. She decided that any interaction between us was me trying to hit on her. As she said, “I don’t mind gay guys, my uncle’s gay. But two women is just ewwwww!” She told my boss it was me or her, and was upset when he called her bluff.

  134. If you know me, you'll recognize this*

    Two things that are relevant: I have trick ankles and their favorite trick is to twist on perfectly flat surfaces and throw me on the ground, and I frequently wear kilts.

    I was at a conference and walking to the front to do a presentation. About halfway through the room, right ankle says “Watch this!” and rolls. I go down, ass over teakettle, and my kilt flips up; of course there’s nothing on underneath. Luckily, I go down face first and not in front of the whole room, so it was only the tables around me that got the show.

    I recovered as well as I could, limped to the podium, got behind the lectern and started my presentation. I never mentioned it and it’s not been mentioned in my presence since the social that evening.

    1. Dragon_Dreamer*

      Are you hypermobile, out of curiosity? My joints sometimes do the same thing.

  135. Late to the Party*

    Our facility trained a lot of managers. Some were from out of town so the company would put them up in a hotel for about six weeks. One trainee had been staying with his sister but she decided to rent her spare bedroom for additional income. I sent the CEO an informational text to keep him in the loop and learned a great lesson about proofreading. The text read “I AM MOVING FERGUS TO THE HOTEL AS HIS SISTER IS LICKING HIM OUT.” The CEO never acknowledged the text. The screenshot was great to bring out at parties for a few years.

  136. Bexy Bexerson*

    This mortifying incident happened at work, but the mortification was really between me and my spouse. I don’t think any of my colleagues noticed, although I did get laid off a few weeks later, so…who knows?

    I shit myself. I trusted the wrong fart. I immediately realized my failure in judgement, and stood up to run to the restroom.

    I was wearing a skirt. A very light colored skirt. And my underpants couldn’t quite contain the relatively small mess.

    Thankfully I had a big cardigan at my desk, so I tied that around my waist for the trip to the restroom.

    But the damage was done. I cleaned up and threw my panties away, but there was just too much shit on my skirt.

    So I went back to my desk, texted my husband that I’d had an embarrassing bathroom type of accident and needed him to come pick me up (he was a stay at home dad at the time, and we shared a car so he drive me to/from work each day), and told my boss I wasn’t feeling well and was going home.

    When my husband arrived and I got in the car and said “Thank you. We will never ever speak of this again.”

    Fifteen years later (we’re amicably divorced but see each other frequently…because kid) he has never said a goddamn word about it. The man has his flaws, but bless him.

    But I’m still mortified.

  137. Christine*

    I was about a month in to my first real office job. We all listened to our own music on low. I got up to go use the scanner. From across the office I hear Salt N Pepa’s timeless classic begin, “Heyyyyy yeah, I wanna shoop baby…” And I chuckle, thinking wow that’s kind of an inappropriate song to play in the office, but you do you. I make my way back to my desk pool only to realize the next lyrics of “…girls what’s my weakness? MEN!” were coming from my desk. I bolted over and turned off the speaker. My new coworkers were tickled pink. Btw, I’m an out, butch lesbian.

  138. Alexis*

    About a month after I’d just started a new job, one of my coworkers approached my desk and handed me a card in an envelope. It was a few days before a holiday and this particular coworker had a habit of giving holiday cards to everyone in the office, so I flashed her a smile and said, “Awe, thanks!” After a brief pause, she told me she needed me to sign the card because it was a sympathy card for another employee whose mother had apparently passed away that morning…I literally still cringe just thinking about it.

  139. Dr. Rebecca*

    I did a pre-interview for a TV slot on ITV in the UK about my MA research, and at the end of the interview instead of doing cheek kisses with the presenter, I kissed her on the mouth. In my defense, I’m American, we don’t really do cheek kisses with people we don’t know. And I was flustered about maybe being on TV in the future (that didn’t happen, but not because of this mistake). To her credit, we’re actually very good friends now after she got over her shock and laughed her arse off at me.

    1. English Rose*

      Priceless! I did something similar once when I was sitting at a desk, didn’t realise a co-worker was bending down to ask me something, swung round to get up and ended up smushing the corner of my mouth against his. Not sure who was more embarrassed.

  140. GelieFish*

    I was like 19 working in a grocery deli. Every morning we get donuts and I’m to clear them out of the cart they arrive in and put them in the display case. Nobody warned me that on July 4th we get tons more donuts and to just leave them in the cart. So, I’m trying to put them all in and stacking them which just makes the icing stick to the ones on top.

  141. Goldenrod*

    OMG, I don’t have a story, but I just want to say I am SOOOO here for this!

    I LOVE MORTIFICATION WEEK!!!

  142. Rebekah*

    Several months into New Job I picked up the phone and in a moment of complete brain malfunction answered using the greeting from Old Job. It was my boss. Fortunately I think he assumed I knew it was him and did it as a joke, and I didn’t correct him.

    1. Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain*

      I’ve done that. I somehow reverted to a job I had about a decade previous. The vendor who was calling me was a bit confused. I’ve also accidentally ended a business call with, “Ok, love you! Have a good day,” instead of thank you…

    2. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Oh man, that reminds me of the most epic (and embarrassing) phone related event on a high school overnight field trip – we were gone for a whole week, this happened on the first night in the hotel.

      So I was in the what quickly got termed the “outcasts club room.” A few of the cool kids rooms decided it would be awesome fun to incessantly prank call us till all hours of the night. After hour two and a half of this we’re all getting bleary eyed and really tired. The phone rings again – and Jenn answered it “Vito’s Mortuary, you stab ‘em, we slab ‘em. Today we’re having a two for one special on cement shoes. What can I do you for?” Dead silence, and then a click. Thirty minutes later (we’ve finally gotten to sleep) we jolt out of bed to a thunderous pounding on the door just before the lead female chaperone barges into our room. We all stare at her totally confused while she yells at us for threatening other students on the trip with us. Eventually one of us pulled together enough to figure out the prank era had reported our last response to their call. We insisted we hadn’t meant to threaten – we just wanted sleep – and we’d been the victims of incessant prank calls. Other roomie says if you check with front desk they can possibly verify the calls. Chaperone grumbles, says we’d better not issue any more threats, and leaves.

      Next morning as we all debate how much sugar we need in our coffee (that normally none of us drank) we’d need to stay awake, that chaperone comes over under the watchful eye of the teacher in charge of the trip and grovelingly apologizes to us for all the troubles we’d been put thru. Turns out the manager of the hotel had gotten an earful from his night auditor about this one room who was prank calling him for half the night, and he was very not amused, so not amused he was considering calling off for his shift the next night if they weren’t brought under control immediately. Manager had pulled the phone records, and discovered that in addition to the front desk, they had also prank called our room 20 something times. Oh, and chaperone’s “precious little princess” was in that room. Manager had dumped it all on the teacher just before chaperone went to complain about our “threats” from the night before. Teacher was PISSED, forced her and the room to apologize, and then had their phone removed from the room for the duration.

      We slept great for the rest of the trip. And honestly, none of us regret briefly working for Vito Cortellone.

  143. littlebumbletea*

    I had just gotten a new blouse – one of those numbers that wraps across and fastens at the top. I was in a meeting with the company president and one of our engineers, sitting directly across from the president. I suddenly felt a bit of a breeze and looked down to find that the fastener had just come undone and my entire shirt had fallen open. I immediately pulled it closed, and the president was super calm about it and just kept talking as I excused myself from the meeting and ran to find a safety pin. For the most part, it never made its way around the office – the engineer in the meeting with us hadn’t noticed, and the president never said a thing. I, on the other hand, accidentally spilled the beans.

    The president’s daughter worked at our sister company. She came up to me and mentioned a funny meeting with me her dad had told her about. I told her I was absolutely mortified that my shirt had malfunctioned like that, and I pretty much immediately threw it in the very back of my closet, never to see the light of day again. She had no idea what I was talking about. Turns out he told the story of some other meeting (one way less memorable).

    While horrifying all around, both of them were perfectly professional about it. The daughter thought it was hilarious. I have no idea how the president viewed it, as we never ever brought it up. I learned that I would absolutely break under interrogation if I’m embarrassed enough about something.

    I’ve still never worn that shirt again.

  144. Nancy*

    Summer receptionist job during college, working for a technology training company. One of the instructors asked me to order pizza for his class. He listed what they wanted in this format:
    1 – cheese
    2 – veggie
    3 – peperoni
    etc.
    I don’t know what I was thinking in that moment, but I didn’t read it as a list in numerical order, I read it as a count of quantity per type. He wanted me to order five pizzas, I ended up ordering 15! Luckily everyone got a good laugh out of it and didn’t charge me for the overage, but I was totally embarrassed.

  145. Free Meerkats*

    Not work, but mortifying nonetheless.

    I was putting in some cross country hours working on my Commercial Pilot License and a bee/wasp – not sure which, I just saw it was black and yellow striped – that was in the plane decided to show itself and crawl up my leg, inside my pants. Luckily, there was a small airport close so I made a quick change of plans and landed. I got off the runway, shut down the engine, leapt out of the plane, and stripped my pants off to shake them out. I was wearing tighty whities, so the FBO there didn’t get flashed, but I refused to even look their direction. I just repantsed, got in, started up, and flew away.

    1. Purple Cat*

      Please watch Man vs. Bee on netflix, you’ll find commiseration for Demon Bees.

  146. HR Gaffe*

    Looking forward to reading these. I have two for you.

    I am a perfectionist. I made a chain of command error after a change to the chain of command at the organization that I was interning at. I ended up crying in front of my boss because I was embarrassed. Now I’m much more embarrassed that I cried in front of my boss than I am that I made a basic chain of command error.

    I’m not sure how I could have handled this one much better. Here it is.
    I (M) an HR Rep was working with management to handle some significant interviewing. One (F) candidate was escorted to a conference room by a (M) secretary. He notified me that while they were walking to the conference room, her slacks had fallen down significantly, revealing a neon green thong. I tried to get a F HR Rep to go talk to her prior to her interview with a (M) manager, to avoid embarrassment, but none of them were available. Finally, I settled on a matter-of-fact notice to her while providing her with the job description and asking if she had any further HR type questions before talking with the manager. I went through the normal spiel, and answered a few questions. As I was leaving the room, I matter-of-factly said “You might want to check your pants.” She ended up getting a job offer, and thanked me profusely on her first day at the office. The F HR Rep asked what I had said, and informed me that I could have handled it much more discretely, but my boss thought I had handled it perfectly. “You might want to check your pants” has become a stand-in comment when a person at that workplace is finding a situation to be awkward.

  147. Nick*

    OOF there’s the time where I opened a door at work and nearly crashed into a man coming through it toward me — he apologized, I attempted to reassure him, and my brain combined “no, you’re good” with “no, you’re okay” on the way out of my mouth. So our conversation went like this:

    HIM: Oh, sorry, excuse me!
    ME: No, you’re gay.

  148. RuththeODP*

    I got my first proper job at 16, working in the office of a bank. I thought I was so grown up! We had the title deeds and documents for thousands of properties, and as the junior I did daily filing in our huge walk in safe. We shared the safe with another department, which had their own section around the corner, out of sight.

    The safe had two keys, a small one which each department had a copy of , and one large key which was signed out and in at the security desk. When you were in the safe you locked it open and took the key in with you so you couldn’t get locked in. But don’t worry, if you do there was a torch and hammer by the door!

    One day I was doing the filing, when two people from the other department passed arrived and said hello, heading off to their part of the safe. I finished off what I was doing, took the large key and unlocked, shut, then locked the safe door, returning the main key to security and returning to my desk 2 floors away with the small key.

    Of course you can see what happened – two (very senior) banking staff were locked in a pitch dark safe – the light was controlled by the door. I realised with a horrible sinking feeling what had happened – and ran back down stairs where there was now a small huddle of people around the door with the large key, awaiting my arrival with the small key.

    The male senior manager yelled at me in front of everyone that I was a complete idiot and should be sacked. The lady was quite upset.

    I worked there for another year and I never lived it down. The other department concerned? – the Security Department.

    1. anon mousie*

      That safe should have had a better lockout tagout system!
      And anyhow, they were the ones doing something unsafe (heh) by being in the safe without possession of the key that keeps you from getting locked in.

  149. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

    We had a case alleging structuring with respect to someone’s efforts to deposit their jury award from a personal injury lawsuit that had left their child with permanent, lifelong injuries. Over lunch, we were talking about the heavy burden facing parents whose children will require lifelong care and assistance, and how scary or overwhelming it can be to ensure your child is provided for if they will need support/assistance during adulthood.

    I spoke very sincerely about congenital health issues for about 5 minutes. Except I wasn’t saying “congenital” — for whatever reason, I kept referring to “genital defects.” Everyone was too polite to say anything until the end, when a coworker gently asked if I’d meant “congenital.”

  150. KoiFeeder*

    Found a bessie beetle in my “office” (windowless basement area previously used as a storage area for paper files, rather humid for an indoor area and very dark, with plenty of paper for her to eat, so not really a surprise) and put her inside an empty apple cider bottle to release after work. Someone from facilities poked his head in, went “oh! for me? why, you shouldn’t have” and pretended to raise it to his lips.

    Worst part: he was there to replace the roach motels.

  151. Ace*

    I have two.

    1. My pants split before an interview. I didn’t know till I got home. I’m pretty sure they saw. Another “fun” detail is that it was shark week for me during that time and uh. I’ll leave it there to avoid tmi. I’m still mortified. I did not get that job.

    2. On my first day at a new job my boss was showing me around the office campus and I tripped. Badly. Full body on the ground. I scuffed my nice doc martens and broke the glass on my Fitbit. I’m clumsy and know how to fall in a way that looks bad but causes little to no damage to me, it just looks embarrassing and boy was it. I also apparently met people there before on my field trip my college class had a year or two prior but I didn’t remember anyone thanks to face blindness issues. But I didn’t know this till quite a few months in.

  152. Stinky kitty*

    Oh my…This may be the place to tell the story of how mortified myself and everyone in the room with an upset tummy. If anyone thinks it would be funny, and if I have time, I’ll try to tell the tale.

  153. Seedice*

    This one is low stakes, but always makes me cringe and laugh in horror in equal measure thinking about what it must have looked like from the other side of the table. I have terrible allergies, and I was on site for a client meeting. The client manufactured helicopters, and we’d spent the morning before the board room meeting outside looking at all of the helicopters and watching one take off. Needless to say, the summer grass and pollen count dusted up my craziest allergy symptoms, weepy eyes and coughing. There I am in this client meeting, a junior person, trying (poorly) to hold in coughs as tears absolutely flowed from my eyes. AND I DID NOT EXCUSE MYSELF. I sat there hoping no one would notice until the SVP from my company turned to me and said, “do you want to go to the bathroom?” I can’t believe that SVP continued to let me be in front of clients, but he did.

  154. I don't mean to be rude, I'm just good at it*

    I was working back office for an insurance company in the early 80’s (think Jonathan) and was assigned to do a menial task. I took an elective in high school learning how to use various “business machines” and was able to automate to task and went back to my regular duties.

    I was reamed out by my supervisor and manager for not doing what I was assigned to the point the units vice president intervened only the ask how many man hours were being wasted on an assignment that could be automated.

    I worked a Tuesday to Saturday shift and the building turned off the A/C at noon so the building heated up significantly. That and we were the only department working, we were very, very casually dressed.

    The following Saturday I was unexpectedly summoned to a meeting in another building to describe the automation process with a room full of C-Suite members dressed in suits while I had on very short jean shorts and a t-shirt with many holes. I was mortified to walk into this room, but walked out with a promotion and a significant raise.

  155. Sleepy Alpaca*

    This one is only mortifying in the greater context of my job: One Thursday as I was leaving work, I tripped and injured my left knee, my right wrist, and somehow my glasses broke and dug into my face so I was bleeding from area around my nose. I worked from home Friday, the weekend passes, and when I come in Monday I share the story to provide some context for my weirdness – I’m wearing my glasses very low on my nose it hurts to have them in the correct place, I’m working slower because of my wrist, and limping because of my leg. I made some sort of comment about being unsure if anything was broken since I was holding of going to urgent care because $$, and my boss immediately expressed shock that I hadn’t called our nurse helpline and filed a worker’s comp claim since it happened on company time/property.

    This might seem like an easy and totally non-embarrassing thing to not think of…. but I work in the claims department. A small one – six people – and while I personally don’t cover worker’s comp, I get all the “first report of injury” emails + the worker’s comp manager and I regularly get lunch together.

    When I called the nurse line they had to ask what my job title was, and had to sheepishly explain that yes I do work in claims, yes I did wait four days to call because I didn’t realize that applied to me (In my defense, it’s my fault I fell! I was leaving work! That’s not the company’s fault!). They sent me to urgent care, and while nothing was broken I did get to explain to even more people that despite working in claims I did not think to file a claim over this.

  156. Teen Librarian*

    I worked in a public library and was running Magic: The Gathering event for teens. A local comic book shop had donated some booster packs for us to give away, so at the end of the event I asked the teens to pose with their packs of cards so I could take a picture and send it to the comic book shop. They all got in a big group for the picture. Some kids did funny poses holding up their cards, some made peace signs, that kind of thing. One kid bit the edge of his booster pack and had it hanging out of his mouth. I went to take the picture, noticed his pose, and said, “Nice. I like it in the mouth.” To a room full of teenage boys.

  157. MM Lunch*

    I used to work in an office with an all-female staff. One time I ordered a burrito bowl for lunch, which included corn salsa. While eating, a coworker said something funny, which made me laugh mid-bite. A piece of cilantro-covered corn found its way into my sinus cavity (oh, the burning!). To extract, I excused myself from the table to blow my nose. Unfortunately, I failed to position the tissue in a manner which would contain the bit of corn on the way out. It shot out of my sinus cavity like a bullet and directly down my blouse, only to be caught in my brassiere. The whole table of coworkers witnessed the entire thing, and I became the subject of many jokes/ribbing for a solid month afterward.

  158. ThursdaysGeek*

    No-one saw me, so there was no reason to be mortified, but I was.

    I was working graveyard in a hospital and had some intestinal issues one night. What I thought was gas turned out to be liquid. The restroom was just across the hall, and it was the middle of the night. But I had to strip and wash out my pants and underpants. Then try to dry them enough with paper towels, all the time hoping no-one walked in. Then I walked back to my office wearing wet clothes. I still had hours before I had to go out and deliver reports, time for them to dry, which they did. If no-one knows, why be mortified?

  159. Ry*

    I work in patient care, as a nurse practitioner in a wound care clinic. I once had an absolutely delightful elderly woman as a patient and we were discussing her leg wounds. After removing the bandage, I asked how she was feeling as I was charting. While ardently scratching her leg, she told me, “Oh it doesn’t hurt, it’s just as itchy as sin.”

    When I said I didn’t think sin was particularly itchy, she winked and said “it is if you do it right!”

    Argh…

  160. Con Dar*

    At my previous job we had around 20 employees and one private employee bathroom. I was using the facilities for #2 so I brought my phone along (as many of us do – no shame!) Don’t worry – there was plenty of shame to come…

    Once I finished my business I realized, far too late, that someone had used the last of the toilet paper – and someone else had taken the last replacement roll from the stash under the sink and not restocked that, either.

    I looked at the toilet seat covers. Thinner than paper; not an option. Paper towels. Too thick; this toilet is known to clog very easily and I wasn’t about to put poo-soiled paper towels in the open trash of our one-seater bathroom. I looked down at my phone and sighed. This was my only option.

    I had to call the main office phone number and speak to the receptionist that I just hired less than three weeks ago and ask her to bring me a roll of toilet paper to the employee bathroom. I had to crab walk to the door when she gingerly knocked, open the door where she could obviously smell the reason for my urgent TP need, offer a sheepish thanks, then return to take care of my business.

    When I got back to my office I just started laugh-crying. It was hysterically funny, but I was also really embarrassed and felt terrible for the poor new hire who had to be feeling so awkward, so it all just came out as me cackle-laugh-crying at my desk. Now I can look back and just laugh!

    1. Dragonfly7*

      You reminded me of someone else’s embarassment. I once walked into a fast food bathroom as one of the employees was doing an awkward rush from a stall that was out of toilet paper to one that still had some. Been there, done that myself, but they were very embarassed.

    2. Purple Cat*

      I do hope the receptionist reads AMM and somewhere else in the comments is someone posting about how they had to bring toilet paper to their boss in the bathroom!

  161. Ardis Paramount*

    One of my first jobs as an accompanist was for a large church choir. I was seated on the bench at the grand piano, concentrating on reading my music accurately and sensitively while keeping an eye on the conductor.
    I was balanced on the very front of the bench – the last possible inch. The floor had been recently waxed.
    All it took was a slight leaning in to turn a page – the bench shot out behind me like a rocket making a loud whiny scrape, and my ego and I dropped straight to the floor in front of the ensemble.
    I’ve since learned to mind where I park myself.

    1. Workerbee*

      This is the kind of thing where everyone would (should) empathize! It wasn’t your fault, you were trying to be a lot of things at once in front of people. Bet that floor was slippery to walk on, too.

  162. Sparkling Mango Water*

    My boss/mentor was a really quirky woman who was always too busy to double check her emails as well as English being her second language. One day she sent me an email requesting a head count for employees: “Sparkling Mango Water, can you please send me a head count for men and a head count for women?”…except she forgot the o in the second count. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, but I kept it as a screen shot for a giggle when needed. (She also kept push pins in a container labeled pills, so you know. Very quirky.)

    1. SpicySpice*

      Hahaha, my job requires typing the word “county” into a lot of things and I am so, so afraid of the day I make that typo and don’t catch it before sending.

      1. MagicEyes*

        I work for local government, so we use the word “public” a lot. I live in fear of the day that I send out a news release with that word misspelled. :-(

        2. Anon for this one*

          Pro tip: remove the version without the “l” from your spell check / autocorrect dictionary, so it gets flagged as wrong.

    2. London Calling*

      Did the same and spent the next hour asking myself do I apologise (and tell the manager that I know I just used a Really Bad Word and HONEST it was a typo or do I style it out? went for the second option in the end.

      Why do you always see typos like that just as you’re pressing send?

    3. Gracely*

      Oh, that reminds me of a mortification that isn’t mine. My spouse teaches math. Well, there’s some math thing/concept where you illustrate the idea by removing one item at the time, and he always would write out the word “COUNT” and then erase the U first. One day, he decided to mix it up and erase the O first.

      He now uses a different word for this illustration.

  163. acl*

    Not as bad, or as good, as many of the stories also posted but –

    In my late 20’s, boss took me out for lunch on my first day on the new job. It was a hot day in early September in NYC, and as we walked, I saw a woman wearing boots. I said out loud something to the effect of “how can anyone wear boots on a day like today?” My boss hitched up her pant leg to reveal that she was indeed wearing boots. I looked at her and asked “How can you wear boots on a day like today?” She didn’t reply, but I think she took it in stride, no pun intended.

    And yes, I also had the dress caught up in my waistband thing happen. I had stopped into a clothing store during lunch, tried on a few things. While walking up Park Avenue afterwards, I somehow finally realized that the skirt of my dress was not where it was supposed to be. At least my buns were cuter in those days than they are now.

  164. WinnieThePooh*

    Early in my career I had just gotten promoted to a management position in the nonprofit i worked for. I had a meeting with my CFO to learn more about how we manage budgeting and tracking of expenses; everyone was terrified of her, she had a reputation for being blunt and mean. When we started the meeting, I saw a picture of her dogs on her desk – she had two huskies – and I had a husky too, so we started chatting about the trials and tribulations of being a husky parent. (Mostly it’s opinionated shnoofing, yowling, and lots and LOTS of shedding). I noticed she had a really long dog hair stuck to her cheek, so i made a crack about how you can NEVER escape the husky shedding, and I reached over to pluck the hair off her face in a show of solidarity and good natured ribbing.

    It wasn’t a dog hair. Instead I tugged hard on a two-inch solitary whisker growing on her cheek.

    I froze and stammered out some nonsense in a vain attempt to change the subject. Then i sat next to her for half an hour while she politely explianed accounting procedures to me, and I silently prayed the earth would open up and swallow me whole.

    3. cityMouse*

      Oh dear….. I went to my hairdressers a couple months ago. I wear glasses and have given up wearing makeup as I can’t see without the glasses on. She was shampooing my hair, and asked me to take my glasses off. I did. And she said…. “wait a minute, what on earth?” I had an inch long pure white eyebrow hair. I was sooooo embarrassed! I stammered out that I can’t see without my glasses, and now I have a magnifying mirror and check weekly. Eek. I blame menopause, lol.

  165. Casper Lives*

    Back when I was a public defender, I had a morning jail calendar every day. My new black suit pants ripped down the butt. I had to stand at the podium for an hour while the whole courtroom could see my (thankfully black) underwear.

    A better story: a well-known criminal defense attorney’s pants ripped down the side. I mean, the entire inner leg seam from crotch to socks. He went to the courtroom assistant and asked for the stapler in a slow southern drawl. Yep, he stapled his pants back together and won that motion hearing!

    1. Maxie's Mommy*

      My husband is a lawyer and was asking a very pregnant witness what her due date was: “August 10th”. “Ma’am, is that August of 2022?” “Oh GOD I hope so!!”

  166. Wardrobe Malfunction*

    I wore a pretty purple shirt to work one day that I knew was a fabric that can be sheer but in the morning light of my hallway/bathroom it looked fine. When I was cooking dinner that night under the harsh florescent kitchen lights my partner said, “You know that shirt is see-through, right?” No. No, I did not. I had worn it all day, including doing STORYTIME WITH CHILDREN (I’m a children’s librarian) and in a meeting with a coworker who had looked at my shirt and immediately looked away, something I didn’t think about at the time but my partner’s comment put in context.
    The only (possible) saving grace is that I wore a cardigan over it so maybe it wasn’t that bad? (It probably was that bad, and everyone probably saw my bra.) I still burn with embarrassment whenever I think of it–I never wore that shirt again, even with a tank top under it. And if anything could be even slightly see-through I now wear a tank top underneath and take no chances and never trust my bathroom lighting.

    1. The OG Sleepless*

      When my husband was in high school, he had an attractive young teacher. Teacher had on a new blouse one day with some kind of looping swirly pattern. The kids eventually figured out it was “oh shit” in script repeated over and over. After much giggling, somebody finally asked her about it. It turned out that her husband had bought it for her, and she hadn’t looked that closely before she wore it. (No word on whether her husband had done it on purpose or not.)

      And yes, I have looked online several times to try to find the blouse. Unfortunately, if you google “oh shit blouse” you get a bunch of porn fiction.

      1. Curmudgeon in California*

        I have some fabric in a nice cotton that has curlicues and the word “Fuck” is fancy script on it. It’s for the blouse that will go with the suit type twill grey pinstripe where the pinstripe is the word “bitch” over and over in tiny print. Both of these look perfectly normal from over six feet away. No, I haven’t made them yet. It’s for the day I retire.

    2. ThursdaysGeek*

      I was travelling for work and after work went to visit a science museum. My shirt was fine, and I’m sure my bra was not visible. But when I walked into the room with the rocks that glow under a black light, I discovered my white bra was also very fluorescent, and my shirt wasn’t as thick as I thought. I quickly exited that room.

  167. HereAgain*

    I worked at a restaurant for a short time as a teen. I was assigned to clean the walls and given a spray bottle and a sponge or cloth. I completed the project and came in the next day to find the dark green carpet had a thin yellow strip around the entire restaurant carpet. There must have been bleach in the bottle.

  168. I sent this in right after Mortification Week last year but figured I'd post here too*

    Around this time last year, the college I work at had our insurance open enrollment period. I work in HR and part of my job is helping people sign up for insurance. As such, I sent out countless emails and even printed up some flyers to announce open enrollment. They all had the website for our insurance provider listed as well as a phone number employees could call instead.

    Well, I don’t know if I made a mistake typing out the insurance company’s number or copied it from someone else who did but it was off by a single digit.

    And as luck would have it, the number is listed wasn’t simply an out of service one or anything. It was for a sex line. Employees would call to make changes to their insurance and instead be greeted with “Hello, Lover~”

    I had no idea about this until a few days before the end of open enrollment when an unnamed employee told one of my coworkers. I. Was. SO EMBARRASSED. I immediately considered skipping town and starting a new life. Luckily, all of my coworkers (including my grandboss, one of the VPs) knew it was an honest mistake and thought it was hilarious.

    It’s currently Open Enrollment again and my coworkers keep teasing me about whether the phone number I’m giving out is right or not.

  169. The Other Evil HR Lady*

    I have a few… In no particular order:

    – The time I was heavily pregnant. I was training a coworker so that they could take over my tasks while I was on maternity leave. I went to sit down next to them on a chair that was not my own, and somehow I kicked it away from me. I almost landed on my bum, but I recovered and was able to stay standing. The coworker laughed and laughed! I’m still ticked off at them for the laughing because it could have been a very nasty tumble with my big belly.

    – This one isn’t mine, but I was the witness, so I feel mortified by proxy: the time I was making sure everybody had left my office before closing up for the night, but one of the C-suite higher-ups was in the kitchen eating something, and when he saw me he slobbered all over trying to say something to me (probably “have a good night,” or something to that effect).

    – My office is cattycornered to the single-occupant bathrooms (one for men, one for women, right next to each other). My office building is also very loud due to a lack of carpets (concrete floors throughout) and an open office floor plan, so anything happening clear on the other side of the building can be heard everywhere. One of the higher-ups has a known stomach condition, although not to the point that we know exactly what is affecting him. And how do we know? Because we can hear it… throughout the office. It’s mortifying by proxy only when I’m alone in my office. But I’m HR, so I frequently have people pop in for impromptu conversations. That’s when it gets awkward because we have to pretend we can’t hear it, and it’s super difficult. We all feel bad about it, because we’re a bunch of sympathetic folks, but YIKES!

  170. Clefairy*

    This is…pretty niche. I used to work at a famous theme park, driving boats full of tourists in circles telling them corny jokes. (Yes, that park, and yes, that ride haha). There is a cool behind-the-scenes tour people can book at the park, and part of it includes loading up the tour group onto one of our boats, with the ride operator still operating the boat, but the tour guide commandeering the microphone and telling behind the scenes facts instead of jokes. I went on this tour myself as a 16 year old, back when my big dream/life goal WAS to work on that ride specifically, so when, 4 years later, I found MY boat being taking over for this tour, I was super excited- it felt like one of those perfect, full-circle moments.

    Important note, our ride is 50 years old, and the boats don’t have fancy computer systems running them- while they are on a special track to keep them running the same course (our steering wheels our fake, just there as props for the overall show), they are real boats with real throttles, and we do have to carefully throttle to speed up, slow down, and “park” to load and unload. There is one spot in the ride in particular where you have to time the boat perfectly by slowing down and speeding up at the right moments to make sure an elephant that pops out from under water sprays a jet of gross, dyed-brown theme park river water in FRONT of the boat, and not ON the boat.

    So, we’re on the river, and I’m living my life, raptly listening to the tour guide, and throttling as needed. Except…when we got to that critical part, my ADHD-brain was too engrossed in whatever fun story the guide was sharing, so I just…full throttled straight through. Me and the guide (who surely had been on the ride nearly as many times as I had) realized at the same moment that I was about to completely drench a boat full of guests who paid a ton of money for this upgraded experience…we looked at eachother in horror, the guests completely unaware of the immediate danger (of the gross variety, not the safety variety) they were in. As the elephant started raising out of the water, I made a split second decision, and threw myself in it’s direction, my arms spread wide to cover as much area as possible, and took an awkwardly long shot of water directly to my chest, completely soaking myself. Everyone on the boat stared at me in a mix of shock, awe, and horror.

    The rest of the boat ride was INCREDIBLY stilted and awkward, with me pathetically dripping and steadfastly throttling exactly the way I should have the entire trip. Usually as the end the tour guide asks the guests to give a round of applause to their skipper for safely navigating them through…that was the most pathetic, sparse round of applause I have ever heard in my life. To this day, that story makes me absolutely cringe, and I can only imagine that, for those 30-0dd guests and tour guide, I’m probably still their random “You will never GUESS what I saw when I went to the theme park back in 2008” story.

    And no, they never let me have another speciality tour on my boat again hahaha

    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I have been on that behind-the-scenes tour and I have been on that ride about six thousand times and I had no idea that the skippers actually have to manually time their throttling through the elephant sprays, I thought there was a sensor or something.

      1. Clefairy*

        So, it is a sensor that triggers the elephant, but you still have to throttle correctly to make it through without soaking the boat! My other embarassing story is that one time, I came around the bend into the elephant bathing pool, and saw my work BFF ahead near the spraying elephant, doing a weird dance at me. I danced back and made some lame joke to my guests about how it’s all fun and games in the jungle…it turns out, her boat died and she was stuck directly in front of the spraying elephant, and she wasn’t dancing, she was desperately trying to get my attention so I would stop before I triggered the sensor. I did not stop. Her boat got sprayed. It was horrible lol

    3. squirreltooth*

      It’s kind of astonishing to me that Jungle Cruise is one of the most common rides to aside newbies to, when there’s an actual throttle involved. But then, my ride was the Disneyland Railroad and I was constantly afraid I was going to derail the actual train on actual tracks.

  171. DontMindIfIDo*

    This was a number of years ago when I was interviewing for my first job right out of college. When I was checking in at reception, the second person I was going to be meeting with – the Department Manager (DM) – happened to be down in the lobby. He offered to take me to go find my first interviewer – the Senior Director (SD) of that department.

    DM takes me over to a different building where SD’s desk was, but he wasn’t there (this was around lunchtime, so assuming he was still on his break). We then decide to go back on over to the lobby in the other building to see if we just happened to miss him.

    Lo and behold, as DM and I were leaving the office building, SD was walking up the stairway leading into the building. As I approached him to introduce myself, I guess I was more focused on shaking his hand than paying any attention to where the stairs started. And instead of the expected meet and greet, I proceeded to FALL DOWN THE STAIRS INTO THIS MAN’S ARMS.

    Thankfully, after I steadied myself and appologized profusely, we went inside and had a pretty smooth interview. Afterwards I jokingly thanked SD for “saving my life”.

      1. DontMindIfIDo*

        I was offered the job! I ended up taking a different position that I was offered around the same time as this – for reasons not related to this incident.

  172. MuseumFanatic99*

    I was a high school student shadowing in the hospital, and someone quite high ranking had lost his keys. I was very awkward and for some reason thought it would be reassuring to joke “I at least have my keys for once”. His response was “Not helpful” in a very icy tone, and I frequently think about this and want to die inside. Thank goodness my social skills have improved.

    1. MuseumFanatic99*

      Other notable events as a young student – tripping over my purse while stepping forwards to shake someone’s hand (he was strong and caught me using the handshake, I blushed bright red instantly).
      Telling a patient struggling with a tube insertion a trick to stop gag reflex because it was something I had read in an instagram post, and not realizing until years later why the doctor had the dumbfounded expression he did. I assumed it was because I was a student and not supposed to talk, instead of the whole “It’s frowned upon to teach patients Cosmo magazine tricks”.

  173. Anonymous in New England*

    Recently I gave a visiting Australian co-worker a tour of our area. The shade mood between when I parked the car and when we went back to it. Without thinking I handed her a stadium blanket and said put this on the seat so you don’t fry your fanny. I immediately went beet red and stammered that the word means something different here, I don’t want you to burn your bottom.
    So a huge thank you to this site for teaching me the difference in that slang, because otherwise it would have been much worse!

  174. lvd*

    We worked from home for two years, but are now back in the office a few days a week. My office is pretty small, so we outsource our internal audit group. One of the internal auditors came in to the office for some meetings, and I hadn’t seen him in 2.5 years, and he’d stopped by my office to say hello and he let me know that he’d been promoted. And instead of saying “congrats,” I said “thank you.”

  175. The OG Sleepless*

    My truly, utterly embarrassing moments will never be spoken of. But here’s a slightly less awful one, that my friends had me put on their blog as a guest post. Link in comment.

  176. Fuzzy Crocodile*

    I’m late to the party but…

    I worked as an admin to the GM of a hotel. He always would send complaint emails to me to handle (offer them a comp or whatever.)

    He did the reply instead of forward trick – and the email was completely unprofessional and said something like “Say sorry, you know the usual blah blah blah.”

    The guests were offered a free stay.

  177. Seal*

    During a video interview a few years back, for reasons known only to me rather than use a plain glass I decided to use a big red Solo cup for water. Even over the no-so-great video stream (this was before Zoom or Teams were commonplace), I could see people cringe when I took a drink. Needless to say, I didn’t move forward in the interview process.

    1. anonymous73*

      Honestly if someone I don’t know is going to assume I’m drinking alcohol based solely (LOL) on the cup, I don’t want to work for them anyway.

      1. Database Developer Dude*

        Right??? I wish someone would call me out in the interview for that. I’d flat out say “If you’re going to assume I’m drinking an alcoholic beverage because of what cup I’m using, that shows me this isn’t the kind of firm I want to work for. Please remove me from consideration. Goodbye.” And then I’d hang the f up.

    2. HBJ*

      I used a canning jar to drink at my work place because all we had at home was mugs and mason jars, no cups, and there were no cups at the office. I had a coworker from the south who once said every time she came to my desk, it looked like I was drinking moonshine.

  178. Whiplashed*

    I’ve been at ny new job for three weeks now and I still keep answering the phone with my old office’s name when I’m stressed…

  179. SpicySpice*

    At my company, you have to do an expense report for corporate card charges within 60 days of getting the charge or you get charged a $20 late fee, which you personally are responsible for paying. I was in a new role which required doing my manager’s expense reports. I had never had to do this before. I let them pile up until we got some that were over 60 days and he was charged the $20.
    Being totally new to this and expenses in general, I figured I should make this right. I sent him a $20 through inter-office mail. I mean, to my mind I just cost him $20 and it was my fault so… He was very gracious when he returned the $20.

  180. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

    I was less than a year into my first job out of college. My manager was throwing a holiday party at his house for our department. So my SO and I get dressed up and go over to his place, and knock on the door. It was the day BEFORE it was scheduled!

    Fortunately, he was very understanding.

    1. anonymous73*

      My husbands and I showed up 3 hours early to my manager’s BBQ once. In my defense the initial invite had said noon LOL

    2. Virginia Professor*

      Ooh. You just reminded me of a truly mortifying story. I was having an office potluck dinner party one Saturday night. On Friday night, my boyfriend returned from a month long trip and we were celebrating our reunion up in my bedroom. All of a sudden, I heard a faint hello from the bottom of the staircase and then voices. I pulled on a robe and came down. My boyfriend in even less clothes followed me down in case of intruders. It was a senior coworker and his wife (neither of whom I knew well) who showed up a day early and followed pretty standard protocol in our town to just come in the house. It was obvious to all concerned what they had interrupted. I think they were much more embarrassed than us. They apologized over and over again and then nicely left their dish behind for our dinner. They did not show up the next night.

  181. I'm Just Here for the Cake*

    At my first corporate job, I once sent the following message to one of my work friends:

    “Its Friday, and I’m working from home. This calls for Bailey’s in my coffee (and you better believe its more Bailey’s then coffee)!”

    It wasn’t until after I clicked send that I realized I accidently sent it to my assigned mentor instead, who had been at the company for 15 years, was on track to a VP role, and was super tight laced. I could see the “someone is typing” dots going for a full 5 min, before she responded with:

    “cool”

    My 20-something brain short-circuited, and I didn’t apologize, explain my mistake, or respond at all. I wasn’t even drinking Bailey’s and was just trying making a dumb joke with my friend, but I was so mortified. My mentor quietly canceled our weekly one on one meetings the next week.

  182. Data/Lore*

    Making a very ridiculous error on a spreadsheet and not being able to find it without an extra set of eyes. I was recovering from illness, and that always messes with my focus, but this error (that could not be identified until I had a second [more senior] pair of eyes on it) was, of course, a simple issue that I did not expect to need to look for because it’s practically rote for me at this point.

  183. MyeloD*

    It’s 1969, and I’m a 22 y.o. student, working between Semesters at an Anthropology Museum, doing a first-ever inventory of all the collections, dating back to the 19th Century. The Exhibits are waist high and above, and the locked cabinets below contain collected items not used in the exhibits. I’m on the floor in the African rooms, in a Wood Sculpture area, Ledger open, writing on each line the Accession number and a brief description. I pull out the next item – and it is a man and a cow, but not just any man and cow! The man stands directly behind the cow, holding on, with his groin pressed right against the cow! Whew. I diligently write down the Accession number, plus “Wood Sculpture. Man and Cow.”

    Shortly after, the (lively!)Directress comes in to give me some information about an upcoming event. She then shifts to chatty mode, reaches into the cabinet, pulls out an item and says, “What have we here?!” It’s the Man and Cow! She stares at it, then says,. “Oh my Gawd – he’s f-ing that cow!” We have a laugh, my 22-year old self trying not to turn red.

    Wait! It gets better! This is a twofer!

    So the Directress then tells me about a visiting scholar she’s escorting for his studies. Again, the African rooms. Again, down on the floor in front of the unlocked cabinet. They’re in conversation, and she reaches deep in the shelf, finds a sculpture, and pulls it out, saying, “This feels like a good one!” She’s holding a standing man by his –er- “member”! True stories!

  184. Nina_Bee*

    In my early 20s, I went to call my manager Dave’s name, and instead said, “dad”. We both looked at each other in a weird moment of silence for a few seconds. Cringe.

  185. anonymous73*

    I was a grocery store cashier in college and they were opening a new location and asking for volunteers to work there until they were fully staffed. I was in the express lane and behind the lanes were floor to ceiling windows. I was ringing up a customer who had bought a gallon of milk. The outside of milk bottles are usually wet and as I slid it across the scanner and turned around to put it behind me on the table, it flew out of my hand, hit the window behind me and busted open. They never asked me to fill in at that store again. It’s funny to me now, but at 19 it was mortifying.

  186. BellaDiva*

    About 20 years ago I went on a job interview during a torrential rain storm. Walking down the corridor to the company’s suite I was stopped by a nice man who asked whether I wanted to “freshen up”, with a concerned look on his face. I was nervous and not picking up on the strong hint, and politely declined.

    The interview was very brief, as the interviewer came up with a flimsy excuse why he couldn’t continue. My husband was in the car waiting for me (out of sight of the office in a public parking lot), and we decided to go to a fast food restaurant for dinner. Here, I finally went to the bathroom and saw that my mascara was ALL OVER MY FACE.

    1. lobsterbot*

      people should be a lot more direct in these situations. “your makeup got wet, you can fix it in this bathroom”

  187. OneElle*

    I worked as an Admin Assistant as the only full-time female employee of a smallish office (about 20 employees). I was delivering mail to the various offices one morning and discovered the hard way that I had neglected to hook the miniscule hook and eye at the top of the zipper of my skirt which went whooshing down around my ankles, leaving me more or less butt to the wind.

    Thank you Lord, this office was empty at the time.

  188. Schmarchitect*

    I was an intern on my second day at a prestigious firm. Went to the bathroom, looked to my left, thought “huh, how weird that there’s a urinal in the women’s restroom”, and did my business. Thirty seconds later two men walk in while I’m in the stall and I realize my mistake. Men kept walking in and out of the restroom and I was stuck there for half an hour, terrified, until finally nobody was in and I absolutely BOOKED it out, thankfully seen by nobody. I’m sure people were wondering where I was during that full thirty minutes but I was too scared to tell anyone. I was probably 23 years old at the time and still could not, apparently, tell the difference between the mens and womens restrooms.

    1. Asenath*

      I went to a conference once in which the restrooms were at the opposite ends of a large rectangular space – that is, there were two at each end, one for women and one for men. I got quite used to automatically swerving in the correct direction to get the restroom I wanted of the pair near the first sessions I attended. I don’t recall the labeling as being very clear, but I could do “always pick the right-hand door” on autopilot. Then I was doing something at the other end of the building, headed for the restrooms, and discovered the hard way that they were oriented the other way around, and I needed to turn left and not right! Fortunately, I didn’t get trapped in a stall until I could make a discreet exit.

      1. Not A Girl Boss*

        Yeppp I do this with an embarrassingly high frequency. We have two bathrooms about equidistant from my desk. One set of bathrooms has the ladies room on the left, the other has it on the right. I constantly open the wrong one and spot the urinals before I realize my mistake. I blame whoever designed the building.

        1. Azure Jane Lunatic*

          My old workplace had restrooms like that. Except the location changed depending on which building you were in; they’d flipped the blueprints around so all the buildings in the main quad were mirrors of each other, including restroom locations. So buildings B and C had their women’s restrooms on the west side, D and A had them on the east side. Pretty much everyone in that workplace had a story about going in the wrong bathroom, or having a near miss.

  189. English Rose*

    So I (female) am interviewing a shy young man for an IT job. We get talking about his hobbies and it turns out he’s a keen motor mechanic restoring classic vehicles. His favourite thing is sliding under a car and tinkering about for hours.
    Attempting cameraderie I say ‘Oh yes, my brother’s like that, it feels like years since I’ve seen him below the waist’.
    That was 25 years ago and I still blush.

  190. Katie*

    My husband was helping renovate a church that our church had purchased, so was in regular communication with our pastor. At one point she accidentally texted my husband “I want to f****ing punch Larry in the face.” Larry was another pastor at the church.

    There was no asterisks in her text either. My husband didn’t necessarily care besides giving her a hard time. She apologized but was mortified.

  191. Lyn by the River*

    In college I worked the swing shift for the front desk at a chain hotel. It was Halloween and decided to dress up as a pirate for work that day. I am cisfemale and had used makeup and a sponge to dab on a hairy upper chest and beard, along with other pirate stuff like a hat and eye patch.
    The hotel was old and the entrance for people with disabilities was halfway down the building by the pool. That door was locked for safety at night, but had been locked earlier than usual. At about 10pm i heard banging on the door and yelling. A man in a wheelchair was (rightfully) very upset about having to look all around the building for an accessible entrance and still not be able to get in.
    I truly cared that he’d had to experience this and the mortifying part for me was that it was very difficult to convey my sincerity while dressed as a pirate with a fake beard — Imagine trying to let an upset and weary traveler know they are heard and their concerns are being taken seriously while flipping up your eyepatch and adjusting your top to cover your fake chest hair. This was more than 24 years ago and I have never dressed up in a costume at work again.

    1. Sirelle*

      Some time ago I worked in a bank in the UK. It was decided that we would dress up at Halloween and decorate the branch office. It was very uncomfortable having to talk to a client who was registering the death of their loved one whilst dressed as a devil with a skeleton hanging from the door.

  192. River*

    When I worked at a clothing store, I walked in on people changing in the fitting rooms all the time. I always knocked and asked if anyone was inside before opening the door, and sometimes, there would be no reply/answer. Then I unlock and open the fitting room and someone is in there changing! Like WTF why wouldn’t you say anything?! For godsake, you can at least say “hi” or clear your throat, knock back on the door, ANYTHING! Though I’ve never seen anyone completely without clothing on, there have been times when I’ve been close. One woman got really upset at me that I opened the fitting room while she was changing. Of course I was mad too because the woman didn’t say anything after asking if anyone was inside. God gave you people a voice and vocal chords for a reason sweety. Use them.

    1. ecnaseener*

      LOL but were you one of those people who waited 0.8 seconds between knocking and opening? Quite a few times I’ve been walked in on that way because I didn’t even have time to draw breath and speak!

      1. River*

        Na. I’m pretty conscientious. Some of my former co-workers however waited that .8 seconds or .5 seconds. Might as well open the door and not knock!

    2. Amy*

      Deaf people exist FYI. I appreciate that we’re a minority, but some people would genuninely not know that you’d knocked.

  193. Database Developer Dude*

    I follow this teacher named Kiki Sutherd on Instagram. She taught middle school and is absolutely hilarious! Her tag line is “Oh sh@# moments in teaching that no amount of school could ever prepare you for”.

    One day, she forgot to shave her legs, and her middle schoolers noticed RIGHT AWAY. So she explained that girls can grow hair anywhere boys can. One of her boys said “Nuh uh! Girls can’t grow hair on their face!”.

    Her response? “Boy, I’m Italian, I could grow a better mustache than your Dad!”. Then she realized what she said….and thought “Yeah, I’m gonna get talked to for that one”.

  194. Short but Sweet*

    Before I started teaching full-time, I was a private tutor. Most of my students were college students, and we’d often meet up in local coffee shops, because having a nice drink makes two hours of college algebra slightly more tolerable for everyone. Anyway, I’m sitting across the table from my student, and I take a large gulp of my drink. It goes down the wrong way, I choke, try to cough with my mouth closed, and… end up spraying my drink all over my student and her laptop. Like, sitcom-style spit-take. I wanted to DIE. For a moment, my brain was just stuck on a loop of “ThisIsNotHappeningThisIsNotHappeningThisIsNotHappening.” I apologized profusely and helped her clean up. She was very gracious about it, we quickly changed the subject back to her homework, and neither of us ever mentioned it again. She even kept doing tutoring with me and ended up with an A in her class, bless her. But this moment still haunts me.

  195. MV*

    I was about 15 minutes into an interview done by 4 employees of the business. We’d all already shook hands and introduced ourselves and we were in the middle of answering questions. The main guy across from me, made a gesture at me, which my brain then interrupted as a handshake for some reason, so I reached out and just like, grabbed his hand and shook it. Completely mortified, realizing it was not a handshake, my brain then recommended I just go ahead and shake everyone’s hands to cover. Which was like, also not the right thing to do. But there I went, shaking the 3 other people’s hands, again. All of them like, went a long with it but I could tell they were all just confused.

    And then, of course, after I do this to complete silence, I blurt out. “I don’t know why I just gave everyone a panic handshake.”

    Thankfully everyone laughed, I apologized and insisted I wasn’t usually this awkward! I ended up getting the job and my boss (who was the person who got the original handshake) would jokingly mention the “panic handshake” every once in awhile, all in good fun of course. Still didn’t make it feel less mortified about it, even years later.

  196. Sherm*

    I attended a conference that was so large that the talks filled up not only the convention center but also the surrounding gargantuan hotels. Successfully navigating this conference therefore meant understanding the layout of multiple buildings and timing yourself accordingly. This was my first time at the conference, and successful I was not. I arrived at a hotel only shortly before a talk, completely failing at finding the darn lecture hall, despite its considerable size. I wound up in a more remote part of the hotel and finally asked an employee to help me. He first led me through an enormous industrial kitchen, then through twisting passages, and at last opened a door to the lecture hall — a door that faced all the audience members, next to the speaker. I coolly helped myself to a seat and avoided counting the number of eyes following me.

  197. Stephanie*

    I’m support staff at an elementary school. Every year, there’s a spirit week for the outgoing fifth graders near the end of the school year, with theme days. Think: pajama day, school spirit day, decade day (pick a decade and dress accordingly). Other grades can participate, and it’s kind of sporadic outside of the fifth graders and their teachers. I don’t always participate, but decided to last year since we were coming out of such a crappy 18-ish months due to the pandemic. One of the days was a “crazy hair day”. It also happened to be the day that the fifth graders were leaving for part of the day to tour the middle school. I did not get the memo that the crazy hair day had been pushed back one day because of the middle school tour. I walked into the office when I got to work, about an hour after the school day started, with some very crazy hair, and both secretaries busted out laughing. I was able to get my hair looking normal enough to get through the day, but, man it was embarrassing. (I repeated the crazy hairdo the next day, and it was a hit with the fifth graders and their teachers.)

  198. Angel M*

    A coworker asked me what was the easiest way to get to the stadium since his hometown team was in town to play.
    I responded quickly: “Just hop on the trolley”.
    The coworker had lost his right leg in a farming accident.
    He was a very funny guy and just replied: “hop, ok I will throw my crutches in first”.

  199. Wigsy*

    A few years ago I was going through some health issues and lost my hair, so for a short while I had to wear a wig to work. One day while I was very engrossed in my work I heard the back door that leads to our offices open. I didn’t look up but kept working, thinking I’ll say “good morning” once they’re in front of me. But then the door opened again 2 seconds later and they left, which I thought was weird. That’s when I looked up… and saw my wig on the other side of my desk on the floor right in front of the door. How it got there I will never know. All I can think of is that I whipped around on my task chair really fast and it flew off my head? I don’t know! I quickly picked it up and plopped it back on my head. So someone came in, saw my wig on the floor, saw my bald head with a wig net on and saw that I didn’t see them, so I imagine they moonwalked right back out to the hallway. To this day I don’t know who it was or how my wig ended up on floor on the opposite end of my desk.

  200. Not A Girl Boss*

    My extended friend group and I had been on an extended Letterkenny binge, and gotten in the habit of using their quotes as much as possible with each other, often playing some kind of meme-pictionary in our group chat to describe frustrating work issues. I know, I know, its juvenile, but it was Peak Pandemic and we were desperate for some humor…

    Anyway, there was a big problem at work, I’m being told about this in front of 20+ operators, and I replied in the loud overexaggerated manner of the show “ITS F**** EMBARASSING!” (And yes, I am ashamed to admit, I included the accompanying trash can kick). I then look up, smiling, into 20+ horrified faces. I realize instantly 1) this was not an appropriate-for-work joke and 2) no one else in the group watches the show and therefor no one even kind of gets the joke.

    I am generally extremely kind, understanding, and mild-mannered at work, as is required of me in my mentorship role. So this was a HUGE departure from my normal attitude. I think they all just thought I’d… totally lost it?? Needed to be committed? I mean, I think I really did suffer temporary insanity? And the more I tried to explain that it was a joke, the more confused they got. I don’t think I ever quite recovered…

    1. Bexy Bexerson*

      I LOVE THIS!!! Please watch the Shoresy spin-off immediately, if you haven’t already. I’ve watched the entire season about 30 times. It’s at least as quotable as LK, if not more.

      1. Not A Girl Boss*

        I totally agree, Shoresy was so much more quotatable. It’s only outranked in hilarity by the Canada Gooses episode.

    2. Txag18*

      As someone whose entire friend group watches Letterkenny, it is indeed F****** Embarrassing when I remember that not everyone watches the show or gets the niche Canadian humor when I quote the show and get blank stares in return.

  201. Alliesaurus*

    Working at a fast food joint as a teenager, I was bringing a tray to a customer and noticed a fry had somehow landed on the edge of the tray, where it was teetering. My instinctive response was to snag it and put it back in the tray… which meant I grabbed this fry with my bare hands and dropped it on top of all of the other fries. That I was giving a customer.

    He asks, “Did you just touch my food?” AND MY BRAIN LITERALLY FROZE. I couldn’t come up with any response and ended up just giving him this blank stare/grin/grimace. I’m sure I seemed like an idiot.

    Thankfully my coworker was right there and took care of it, and then she came over and was like, “Hey, you can’t touch people’s food.” And I KNEW THAT. I really did. I was so absolutely mortified I nearly threw up.

    They never assigned me to run trays again, and I still lie awake thinking about that mistake.

  202. Ethel Beavers*

    *big sigh*

    I don’t want to admit to this, but I pooped my pants at work yesterday. I work in a hospital and ate lunch in the cafeteria. Lunch did NOT sit right on my stomach and I did not make it to the bathroom on time. Heck, I didn’t get out of my own office in time… I darted into the (thankfully private!) bathroom as quickly as someone with a full load of poo in their underwear can. I started to clean myself up only to discover that the paper towel dispenser was empty. So here I am with poo all over me and my clothes, and no way to clean myself up. I finally decided the only solution was to run my pants under the sink the best I could without completely soaking them and then to rinse my underwear as much as I could and use my wet, disgusting underwear to wash off my back side. Then I got dressed, darted back to my office and used my emergency stash of napkins to dry off, though, of course, they disintegrated as soon as they got wet. So I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling damp, dirty, smelly, and just flat out gross.

    (To top it all off, my partner has been away for a week so he was REALLY excited to see me when I got home last night. I had to fend off his advances until I could shower because I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what happened.)

    While my mortification is only known by me, I am still absolutely mortified.

    1. Alliesaurus*

      If it makes you feel any better, I did that after an interview. Thankfully I wasn’t around the job folks but I was in the car they’d rented for me with a 10-minute drive left back to my hotel. I had a notebook with me from the interview, so I flipped it opened and then sat on it in an attempt to protect the seat under me. I then spent the rest of the drive leaning as far forward as I could to keep my upper backside off the seat.

      Then I had to awkwardly dash inside the hotel and ride the elevator while casually trying to hold my purse behind me, and then finally clean up in my room. And then I had to try to clean the car.

      The seat was black, but I think I got all the actual brown color out of it… I cleaned it with as much water and soap as I could until a towel came off clean. But I have anosmia and LITERALLY CANNOT SMELL A THING. I actually ended up calling my dad in tears over it for help. I eventually went to Target, bought Febreeze, and DOUSED the seat. I then returned the rental and just prayed it was okay and I wouldn’t cause any issue when it got inspected later.

      I’m assuming all is fine because I never heard from the car company and I got the job I’d interviewed for… but literally my dad is the only one who knows because I called him in the panic.

      1. wine dude*

        If it’s any help, I suspect the rental car people have seen worse and deal with stuff all the time.

        I once went to a week long conference someplace in Texas and as usual rented a car for the week. When I got to the hotel in the almost-full lot I was delighted to spot a nice shady spot under a tree. Well, as things went I never had the occasion to use the car again until I needed to go to the airport. And now I found out why that parking spot was available – my rental car was almost completely encased in bird poo, to the point I had to run the window washers to even see out. (Yes that was quite a smear.)

        I drove down the highway and pulled up to the rental car drop-off about as mortified as I have ever felt. They just laughed and sent it to their car wash.

    2. Rara Avis*

      I have to say, all these poop stories are making me feel a lot better about the clues calls I’ve had when my IBS acts up.

    3. Curmudgeon in California*

      My poop story.

      I am very reactive to soybean oil. As in “poopsplosion reactive”.

      We were headed out to a hotel in the afternoon, after I picked up a Uhaul. My spouse gave me a bagel they got me as a treat. They had even checked the website, and it said it was made with sunflower oil, which I do not react to.

      The problem begins with the fact that the government is now allowing companies to substitute other vegetable oils for sunflower oil due to the war in Ukraine… without changing their labeling, because it’s “temporary”. So my bagel was apparently made with soybean oil, not sunflower oil.

      Now, usually when there is a large amount of soybean oil, I react within half an hour. But that day I had taken my Imodium as a preventative. It doesn’t always prevent, just delays things.

      So after we loaded the Uhaul, we set out on a 45 minute drive. About a half an hour in, my guts start roiling. Uh, oh. As long as I’m seated I can usually stall it. So we made it to the hotel without me fouling the seat of the Uhaul. I even managed to get out of the Uhaul and lock it. But when I started walking, the poopsplosion started. It was about 80 feet from the van to the bathroom. As I walked, carefully, I hoped that my pad and underwear caught most of it so I wouldn’t dribble poop on the floor. (I didn’t.)

      When I got into the bathroom I had to clean up my underwear, my pants, my butt, my thighs, etc. I literally used up an entire roll of TP. I texted my spouse to unload our personal gear then meet me at the bathroom, because I would need to go straight to our room. I must’ve flushed TP and yuck five times as I cleaned stuff up. After I got the chunky bits out of my undies and pants, I then turned around and cleaned off the seat, which was also smeared. (I wasn’t going to leave that mess for anyone.)

      When I finished, I calmly washed my hands thoroughly, and head for the door, where my spouse met me with the room key. Fortunately I’d long since learned that dark pants are my friend, and it wasn’t noticeable.

      After we got to the room I took my underwear and pants back off, rinse them, and put them in a plastic bag. We then had to wait for a shower chair so I could take a shower, because it was all over below the waist.

      I have IBS-D, and am allergic to soybean oil. This is not the first time I have had this happen, but it is one of the worst. My spouse felt really guilty about the bagel – they didn’t know about the substitution.

  203. Ex-Dog Coor*

    I used to work in live event labor coordination, booking crews of technicians and laborers. Less than 6 months into working in that role, we had an event at a major museum in our city. At the time, we were still using outlook emails and calendars to track our crew. This was a very time consuming, manual process. I filled out the calendar event with the names of all the crew who were available that I was booking, so from the outside, it looked like we were totally staffed for the events.

    The day of the event rolls around, and I realize I forgot to tell the entire crew that I had, in fact, booked them. No crew showed up because of course they didn’t know they were on the schedule! Queue a mental breakdown and sobbing while I realized what I’d done, followed by frantic phone calls to get someone, ANYONE, on site to start loading in the event. We managed to get enough crew to get the event running, so it all worked out, but I was absolutely mortified.

    A year or so later, we purchased a scheduling system that automatically notifies folks of their schedules (and helped with a lot of other things, but mainly the communication aspect is what sold us)

    1. cityMouse*

      This is why I am always kind to our dispatchers. I’ve been there, too! Horrifying. I’m so glad you got enough crew!

  204. irene adler*

    This happened to a friend of mine, long ago:
    Friend worked at a large lab co-founded by none other than Jonas Salk himself.

    Friend was a rather large man. One work day he was in a hurry to get from the lab. He rushed down the hallway and, yep, crashed right into Jonas Salk himself. Knocked him right over, papers and such flying. Friend -completely mortified- helped Dr. Salk up, very concerned that he may have seriously harmed the elderly doctor.

    Friend apologized multiple times; kept asking if the doctor was okay. Dr. Salk kept assuring Friend that he was fine. He was.
    Friend couldn’t help but think about how it would have gone down for him if he had gravely injured Dr. Salk: “The Man Who Killed Dr. Jonas Salk”

    1. ILoveLlamas*

      Oh my! As a high school intern, I was working in the press office for our state governor. I was scrambling to deliver something and somehow managed to crash past the governor’s security team and run full tilt into him. Full body slam of teenage girl into grown man. It apparently threw everyone for quite the loop. I was told that I could slow down….

  205. Jack Straw from Wichita*

    I think this is funny, but my mentor teacher and best friend was mortified on my behalf so I’ll share it. At the time, I was teaching high school English, grade 10 specifically, which are mostly 15-16 year olds. As sometimes happens, the students were chit chatting about other things before class began, and the blood drive happening at school came up.

    Students who’d given blood were comparing blood types with each other, discussing which types were rare, which type was a universal donor, which one could take all types, etc., and a student asked me what my blood type was. I replied emphatically that I had absolutely no idea. Cue a chorus incredulous and shocked teenagers saying things like: “But what if you have to go to the hospital?” and “That’s dangerous! You need to know that!” and “I can’t believe you don’t know that Ms. Straw!” and “You should find out what it is and store it in your phone!”

    I explained that, should I need an emergency transfusion, I would probably not be in a position to grab my phone, nor would the doctors and nurses take my word for it. They would do a quick blood test or give me the type that everyone can have, regardless of my knowledge of my blood type. Also, that before a planned surgery, usually a blood type is done so it is on-hand in case of emergency.

    Later that class period, while discussing their independent reading books, a student asked me if I knew what Harry Potter house I was in. I quickly, and again rather emphatically, replied: “I’m a Gryffindor!” with an implied “DUH, Y’all know me, what else would I be?” at the end. Enter the student who asked me about knowing my blood type, shouting acros sthe classroom: “You know your Harry Potter house, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR OWN BLOOD TYPE?!?”

    It was funny while also being fairly indicative of my personality, I guess. I think of that conversation often when priorities are discussed, and I still don’t know what my blood type is.

    1. Jack Straw from Wichita*

      Alison, If you use this, please correct my typo in the fourth paragraph: “acros sthe” to “across the” Kthanksbye. I promise I really was an English teacher and a good one at that.

      1. Curmudgeon in California*

        No, they are too busy trying to save the world to think about mundanities like that.

    3. Slow Gin Lizz*

      From my understanding (I am not a doctor nor any kind of medical professional) they absolutely will check your blood type before giving you a transfusion so I do not believe it’s at all necessary to know your blood type. The only time it comes up is if you are donating, needing a transfusion, or are pregnant (because having Rh-neg blood can cause some complications). So you are fine. I am also a Gryffindor, but I do know my blood type too because I’ve donated (AB-, the rarest of the four major types).

    4. HBJ*

      I’m always surprised when people find it weird that someone doesn’t know their blood type. I never knew mine until I had my first baby and found out via pregnancy blood work (and I can’t even remember off the top of my head what it is!) I’d never had blood work drawn for any reason, so how would I find that out?

      My husband doesn’t know his. Similarly, he’s never needee to have blood drawn. I expect he won’t find out until the day comes when he needs that for some reason (hopefully, never!)

  206. Lizcase*

    At my first job post university, we had product downloads with passwords that our team ( support) came up with. They were usually themed, like cities, beer, etc.
    I was assigned to come up with the passwords for a new release. At the time I was learning the Children’s Corner by Debussey, so I used the names of the pieces.
    Shortly after the downloads were posted, we had a customer politely inform us that “golliwogg” was rather racist, and perhaps we should change it.
    I was horrified. I had no idea.
    I was more horrified, and extremely apologetic, when the one black guy on our team said he knew what it meant and had assumed I knew the meaning too!
    Passwords were automatically generated with random characters after that.

  207. Nikki*

    I was 16 years old and working for a catering company. We were woring a huge sit down dinner where the main event was a speech to be given after the dinner service was over.
    Just as the lights went down I was clearing a table no one had sat at, and was hurrying to carry a heavy tray of full water glasses back to the kitchen. The room went quiet in anticipation of the speech. As I passed a full table, a gentleman scooted back in his chair…directly into my legs.
    I fell sideways, and the tray of full water glasses fell with me – directly onto the people sitting at the next table. They screamed because having a tray full of ice water dumped into your lap is surprising (and cold). Everyone in the hall looked to see what the commotion was all about.
    My older coworkers rushed to my rescue and one took me back to the kitchen while the others cleaned up and helped the guests. I was shaking and so white they were worried I was going to pass out.
    My boss was super nice about it. He reassured me that it wasn’t my fault and told me I could help the kitchen crew for the rest of the night so I wouldn’t have to go back to the dining hall if I didn’t want to.
    It’s been 16 years and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

  208. Frank and Beans*

    I was interning for a large, national corporation in their headquarters immediately following my graduation from college. We had an upcoming birthday celebration planned for the most senior member of our team. It was to be during the work day- an extended lunch at a nearby bar to watch her alma mater (same as mine) in the Sweet 16. We were instructed to wear our related college gear to the party. I somehow didn’t get the memo that the plan was to change into the college attire JUST for lunch. I showed up to our definitely-at-least-business-casual office of probably 1000 people wearing jeans and a hoodie. Brought no change of clothes. Bonus- I was invited that same day to a large all-department meeting of the younger staff members to learn about a new company intitiative and inter-staff competition. I introduced myself to every single person with, “I swear I don’t normally wear this to the office, but…”

  209. Frank and Beans*

    I was interning for a large, national corporation in their headquarters immediately following my graduation from college. We had an upcoming birthday celebration planned for the most senior member of our team. It was to be during the work day- an extended lunch at a nearby bar to watch her alma mater (same as mine) in the Sweet 16. We were instructed to wear our related college gear to the party. I somehow didn’t get the memo that the plan was to change into the college attire JUST for lunch. I showed up to our definitely-at-least-business-casual office of probably 1000 people wearing jeans and a hoodie. Brought no change of clothes. Bonus- I was invited that same day to a large all-department meeting of the younger staff members to learn about a new company initiative and inter-staff competition. I introduced myself to every single person with, “I swear I don’t normally wear this to the office, but…”

  210. Victoria J*

    I embarrass myself far to often.

    Story One

    I started a new job, was met by my future manager who introduced herself to me, had a quick chat, and left me somewhere where I could meet people coming in for the day, while she went to get me some office supplies.

    I find talking to new people hard. So I was trying SO hard. I introduced myself to a couple of people, tried to remember who they were, found out what they did and let them know who I was. About 3 people in I feel it is going well.

    Then a woman walks by and I use all my bravery and energy to introduce myself and try to pretend for just the morning that I am a people person. With all the extra stress of a first day at a new job. I say who I am, what I’m doing there, and ask about who she is.

    And it’s the manager. Who I talked to for 15 minutes about 20 minutes ago.

    She did have some stationary for me by then.

    Story Two

    I insulted my current CEO while unmuted on a zoom call, while waiting to tell people at a new staff induction about the union.

    It was not a good look.

    It sounded so nasty – and as if I was mocking her for being sick. Which is particularly mortifying because I wasn’t meaning to be either of these things. And it made it sound like someone new on my team had been critical of her behind her back.

    A new member of my team was at the induction and had earlier messaged to say how things were going. Which was fine, but it was a little hard to hear because the CEO was coughing so much. I found this funny because I spend a lot of time with someone who has a chronic cough and a lot of breathing problems. And I’m too used it. They choke and can’t breath – I don’t notice.

    Separately I sometimes refer to her as “the great leader” which is (a) because I have referred to a previous CEO in a much larger organisation like that, and (b) because people often seem to think she’s more of a dictator than she is. (Someone I worked with thought she was consulting union busters when we were forming our union, she’s an ex union rep earlier in her career and a member of a different union).

    I’m doing this on what is otherwise my day off. Just popping in for 5 minutes to say Hi, I’m one of your union reps. I’m not even giving the little speech from the union – the other rep is doing that. And I’m doing this from the house of family member with a chronic cough.

    Which leads, in a way that feels horribly like the kind of comedy where everything converges into a mortifying moment through multiple threads of misunderstanding, to me saying (as I thought I was still waiting to be connected – holding my lap top to the side) to the family member with the chronic cough, in a tone of utmost contempt “apparently the great leader is coughing over the talks”. In a tone of contempt.

    What I meant by this – isn’t it ridiculous anyone would find a little cough distracting. I call this woman a silly name because she isn’t an evil dictator.

    This is not what it sounded like.

    Thankfully (a) it was a very small induction of about 5 people – they have sometimes been 20 – 30 people at them, (b) I am genuinely extremely grateful the CEO messaged me to say she was unhappy – because I was going mad trying to work out whether she’d heard, and that at least meant I could clearly apologise, and (c) that my work place sometimes makes me uncomfortable because it can over emphasise emotional content of things – but in this case acknowledging hurt feelings was a lot better than it being called gross insubordination.

    I grovelled A LOT. And I was really upset I’d make anyone think someone was negative about them because they were sick !

    And somehow I’m still standing. Still invited to inductions (we did get a right to that in our official union agreement luckily). And still a union rep. (in negotiations about pay with her tomorrow).

    On the other hand I’m in a team of 4 people and the CEO did recently publicly praise the other 3 “and other members of the team”.

    (I’m also the person who said I caused trouble and then laughed madly in a job interview, I have a very dignified life).

  211. I Raise Tiny Dinosaurs*

    About fifteen years ago I took a job that seemed like it would be a great fit, but was not… While I had all the technical skills, but I totally did not fit into the office culture. Being really young at the time I did not see all the red flags. So I was already starting to feel vaguely uncomfortable in the office every day, and had started low key looking for a job. The office building was shaped like a shoe box, with a central carpeted corridor running down each floor and offices or office suites to both sides. There was work going on at my apartment building with lots of digging. One night there was a lot of rain, and the water ran over the dirt piles and across the parking lot I had to walk across to get to the car. The offices at work were at the end of the corridor. What I didn’t realize was the soles of my shoes picked up that muddy water better than any ink stamp could have. That morning I knew that several people had looked glanced into my cubicle and smirked during the morning, but later when I walked into the corridor on an errand I realized there were a set of muddy footprints down the hall, leading right to my desk. You could actually follow them out to my car! The humiliation was that no one said a word, though they all knew who it was. Two weeks later there was a reorganization and I was let go. It’s the only time I’ve ever lost a job, but I have to say this took the sting out of it.

  212. Office Rat*

    I had to live down the Fancy Pants incident in my first professional white-collar job in my career field. I was working in an audit agency, and we were auditing a large defense contract company. Unbeknownst to me, my fly was down. I also was wearing MeUndies boxers in bright yellow with the words “Fancy Pants” emblazoned all over them.

    We had to go into a meeting with the audit client, and this was a hugely contentious meeting with a head engineer turned finance manager arguing federal regulations with us. (Spoiler, he was not as financially literate as he was a good engineer.) He had brought a dozen people, including lawyers.

    At one point, one of his people was arguing, and he looks at me, smirks and looks down at my crotch. We weren’t at tables really, so I look down and realize you can see my boxers because my fly is right the hell down.

    I didn’t really know what to do, and the guy was so awful to work with that I just panicked and reverted to my less professional temperament. I smiled a huge smile and winked at him. I am pretty clearly LGBTQ as well, so I think that was not what he was expecting. The guy didn’t know what to do with that, and just stopped talking and wouldn’t look back at me for the rest of the meeting.

    I figured as a new auditor on probation and this was bad, so I confessed to my manager as soon as we got out. My manager thought this was hilarious. After that, the whole office called me Fancy Pants. Weirdly enough, they thought it was funny because it was the first time anyone could get a word in edge-wise with this guy. So for the next 3 years I worked there, I was Fancy Pants. I was also brought to every meeting with that guy after that because it gave us speaking space to get our points out. I am still not sure it was a win, and am glad I work at a different agency where I am no longer known as Fancy Pants.

    1. Kewlm0m*

      O.M.G. – “…huge smile and wink…” There are no words! Epic move by you! Laughing so hard it’ll take me through the weekend!

  213. Former Retail Lifer*

    I work in property management and a few years ago I worked in an extremely busy office of a huge apartment community. We had around a hundred people moving in and out over the month of July. We were still using paper files then, and we had bankers box after bankers box of former resident files ALL OVER the manager’s office until their moveout accounting was processed. One day, a resident that looked just like Jared Leto came in and asked a question which I needed to pull his file for. I went into the manager’s office and had to walk around and over all of the bankers boxes to get to the file cabinet. One box was in my way but it was empty, so I put my foot (there was nowhere else to put it) in it as I took a step. The box slid forward, foot still inside, and I just about did a split. And then I got stuck for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to extricate myself from this situation without falling over. I turned my head to see if anyone had noticed me stuck there, and Jared Leto, all five of my co-workers, and several other people in there all just happened to be looking that way at the time. Jared Leto said nothing, but my co-workers brought up my split quite a bit after that.

    1. H3llifIknow*

      That sounds embarrassing AND painful. I did an “involuntary” split when my foot slid down a runner in the hall and tore my hamstring. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life and the entire back and inner thigh of my leg was bruised for weeks, so I got comments if I wore a dress or skirt. I’m glad you weren’t hurt!

  214. Paper Plate Demon*

    To this day I have no earthly idea why I did this, but it will haunt me forever.

    About 5 years ago, my company decided to go green-ish, and one initiative was to get rid of all disposable cutlery and plates. While I fully support that, two problems arose: people kept taking the new reusable silverware home with them so there was rarely any available, and the dishes/silverware that remained were of… sketchy cleanliness most of the time. The CEO, who was a rather blunt and intimidating woman, decided the new “no disposables” rule was her hill to die on, and she enforced it pretty strictly.

    One day I forgot dinnerware from home, so I used a disposable bowl and spoon left over from previous takeout to fix oatmeal or something in. Our CEO walks into the kitchen and asks me why I’m not following the new rules. I swear I either lost my entire mind or was possessed for about 3 minutes, because what flew out of my mouth? “She’s using disposables too,” pointing at my coworker, and when the CEO turned to look, I RAN. I chucked my coworker under the bus, and sprinted back to my desk, PAST THE GLASS WALLS separating the kitchen from the office, where the CEO and my betrayed coworker could absolutely see what I was doing.

    And it’s not like running did me any good, because that coworker? She was my cubemate. So 5 minutes later she comes in and sits at her desk and was like… “WTF?” I proceeded to apologize to her for the next year or so, and I might text her another apology now.

    According to my coworker, she definitely did not get in trouble for her paper plate; our CEO looked at her, looked at where I had been standing, and said “Did she just accuse you and run???” with no follow up. Coworker and I remained friends, CEO never held my bizarre behavior against me as far as I know, and plenty of other kitchen shenanigans eclipsed that moment. Still embarrassed though.

    1. Zap R.*

      If I laugh any harder at this I am going to have an asthma attack. This is incredible.

    2. anon24*

      I wish you could see the disapproving look my cat is giving me because of how hard I am laughing right now. This is comedy gold.

  215. FiddleStix*

    I had a job interview on a day that I was at the tail end of a GI illness. Since I hadn’t had diarrhea in the 4 hours before the interview, I thought I was in the clear. Walking from my car to the building, I got no warning prior to the explosion. I was certain that my out layers had been stained, so I threw my jacket around my waist and ran back to my car. Luckily there was only a small stain on the outside of my pants, so I was able to clean up with paper towels that I keep in the car, dab a little hand sanitizer on the spot, wrap my jacket back around my waist, and armed with the confidence of going Commando, I marched into the interview. And I got the job!

    1. Spicy Tuna*

      This happened to a friend of mine. He was walking to an interview and needed to go, like 5 minutes ago. He rushed into the nearest business, a Chinese restaurant. The owner / manager / waiter at the front kept telling him that bathrooms were for customers only, so he yelled out, “I’ll have an eggroll to go” as he ran to the bathroom where he had explosive diarrhea all over himself and the bathroom. He ended up missing the interview because he had to spend close to an hour cleaning up the bathroom, soaking his clothing in the sink, etc, etc, all while the restaurant staff was banging on the door!

  216. DifferentNameForThisOneBecauseItsEmbarassing*

    Long ago and far away, I was a bookseller at a Waldenbooks in a strip mall. I was opening one day and wearing a lovely, loose flowy tank dress. The entrance to the store was covered overnight by a big overhead grill that rolled up and into the ceiling — it was heavy and you had to really THRUST to get it up: lifting with your knees and shoving the whole thing overhead with two hands as hard as you could.

    Welp, the handle of the big rollaway gates apparently got hooked in the hem of my skirt and when I thrust both arms over my head to shove the gate up, the whole dress just … whisked right up. I grabbed for the shoulder straps and caught them, giving them a yank and thus tearing a hole in the hem of the dress and getting it REALLY hooked onto to the handle. I honestly can’t remember how I got it off but I remember the security guard looking over and seeing me standing in nothing but a bra, panties, and a pair of sandals, my arms up over my head, trying to tug my dress back down (it was blue, from the Gap, with a white print one it, my favorite dress!) .

    2. Baby Yoda*

      I worked in a Thom McAn shoe store with this type of roll up grill and I can totally see that happening.

  217. Adams*

    I once responded to a vendor email with “We would need this mid-toilet January.”

    I meant to say by mid January. I was ordering produce.

  218. Why am i here*

    As an intern I was trying to compliment an older, seasoned woman on my team who was so smart and capable. I said something along the lines of “You are so great and wizened.” She gave me a funny look, but I didn’t think much of it. Friends, “wizened” doesn’t mean “awesome and wise, like a wizard.”

    1. Clefairy*

      LOL I just had to go look up the definitely, because I definitely thought wizened meant along the lines of what you thought, not “shriveled or wrinkled with age.” hahahah

      2. Hannah Lee*

        I am picturing that “craft project” we’d sometimes do as kids in school… the art teacher would hand out apples, and not-quite sharp cutting tools with instructions to “carve a face in it”
        Then we’d line them up on the windowsill … and leave them for weeks. Till they turned into “old people” – wizened I guess?
        A) I’m amazed now that that passed for Art Class and
        B) how was that classroom not overrun with fruit flies?

        1. Dragon_Dreamer*

          It is a traditional folk craft! And given low moisture apples, the concentrated sunlight through the window would have dried them out before the flies got a chance to settle.

  219. Ridley*

    Many years ago I had a boss that literally no one liked. She was petty, rude, inflexible, and pretty much any other annoying trait you can think of. In a company re-org, three large office had been folded into one so we worked at many different locations and didn’t really know each other.

    One day we had a staff meeting that included about 15 of us in a conference room and everyone else, including the boss, dialed in from their locations. In the middle of our boss going on about some thing or another that we all needed to improve, someone joined late, pressed a phone key instead of saying his name, and didn’t mute. He was either talking to someone at his location or on another call at the same time.

    We all got to hear him say out loud on the line something like “Yeah, it’s another meeting with the old bag. Every meeting is literally useless.” He went on and on as the boss’s deputy, who was in the conference room with us, kept saying loudly, “You are not muted! Whoever is talking, your mic is live! Mute your mic! It’s a live mic! Mute your mic!”

    As the insults continued to roll in via the clueless guy who must have not even had the phone up to his ear, both the boss and deputy boss just stopped talking as we listened to him complain about “all she ever does is yap yap yap, she doesn’t even understand our jobs.” Finally it stopped, and the boss said, “Did you want to go on? You have strong opinions about me, it seems.” Then a click and the computer phone lady said “*BEEP* has just left the call.”

    We all sat in stunned silence. The man sitting next to me had been silently laughing for several minutes, his entire body shaking. I could feel the shaking next to me and when I looked at him when it was finally over I saw the tears running down his face. After a few moments my boss said, “Moving on” and continued like nothing had happened.

    I left the office a few months later, I assume they figured out who it was. But I never heard any more. It was the most interesting day in the office in years. I did feel bad for my boss despite her awfulness.

  220. Fanfic writer*

    Way back when I was a graduate student, I was working part time in my field while attending school. I was also a casual writer of fanfiction—generally very short, very sexually explicit fanfiction. I was pretty new to writing at the time, so it wasn’t even good fanfiction.

    This was back around the time that Word began to recover documents that hadn’t been saved on closing, but I’d only experienced it in situations where my computer shut down automatically. It had never happened to me with a document that I’d expressly told the computer not to save.

    One day, I had to interview someone doing a specific type of work in my field for a class project. I of course picked someone at my job, who ranked well above me—we’ll call her C. Another student coworker was in the same class as me, so we decided to do our interviews at the same time.

    As I got ready for the interview, I realized I had a fanfiction still open in Word on my MacBook. I hadn’t gotten very far with it, so I decided to close out of it without saving it. I shut down the MacBook and headed off to the interview.

    Sometime during the interview, C wanted to show us a document from the internet but was having computer problems. I happily loaned her mine. She downloaded the document and clicked on it, and it opened in Word—along with my fanfiction, which Word had decided to recover for me, oh so helpfully. In fact, the fanfiction opened FIRST.

    C read a few lines and said “I don’t think this is what I was looking for.”

    I was mortified. The only saving grace was that the story hadn’t gotten anywhere explicit.

    I haven’t allowed any coworkers to look at my computer since, except when IT at the job I had in 2020 wanted to remote in to fix my laptop, and then I followed advice from a commenter here and made a separate profile in Windows just for work.

    1. Ifeelyourpain*

      Ohhh I understand this on a deep level, for I too am a fanfic writer.

      I had just copied and pasted a large amount of a fic to a friend on Discord while at work. I then went to copy and paste something different to a coworker over slack, but instead just pasted my fic instead. I didn’t notice it (both were paragraphs) until my coworker was like “umm, what is this??” and I was like ohhh, ohh, ohhh nooo.

      I am thankful that it was not anything graphic at the time (because I do have written my fair share of explicit PWP my friend). But I did have to explain why I was writing MCU fanfic to a person who had no idea what fanfic even was. I couldn’t think of a way to explain why I copied and pasted a conversation between Iron Man and Spider-man to her that would make sense to anyone besides just telling the truth!

      1. KoiFeeder*

        “Sorry, my cats like to save things to my clipboard. Anyways, here’s the actual [whatever]!” has worked for me before, albeit in a school and not a work environment.

        1. Curmudgeon in California*

          I’m going to have to remember that one.

          But I never put my writing stuff on a work machine. I still end up pasting weird links from time to time, as I can end up searching on odd subjects.

      2. Fanfic writer*

        I’m not a religious person, but the fact that neither of us shared the actual PWPs makes me think there might be a god of luck or something out there.

        I was just gonna say I feel relieved that my current job is full of people who give me “probably reads fanfic” vibes, but then I realized that just means they might /go looking/ if I accidentally sent them fanfic. Hard pass. Don’t need coworkers finding my PWPs.

  221. Hamburger Jones*

    A few years ago, I worked for a nonprofit that provided home-delivered meals to homebound seniors, as well as pet food and supplies for their pets. We had an event coming up where we would provide basic vet care, baths, and grooming for the dogs in the program and I was emailing a donor about it. I was in a rush typing the email and wrote something to the effect of, “We will also be bathing and grooming seniors’ dongs.” Yikes!

  222. Caro*

    First job out of college on a big farm. Had just been hired full time after interning for a few months. Got to work early with the giant horse scale in the back of the truck. Backed up to the barn lalala no problem. Nope, problem. I tapped the gas a little too much, panicked, slammed the brakes to stop. But I didn’t slam the brakes, I slammed the gas. Backed right through the side of the barn. No one was at farm but one maintenance guy who I ran to crying. He came out and kept telling me it was ok. Truck bed replaceable, cracked the vinyl on the outside? no big deal. Then he walked inside the barn. Silence, then a “OH Shit”. All the cinder blocks from the foundation and up had fallen down, the whole wall on the inside was down. Worst part was I had to call my big boss who I barely knew. He took so long to answer the phone when he did, all I could say was “I did a bad thing” and cue the crying. He was worried I hurt myself so he all kept saying it was ok. He finally came down to the barn to check it out, and I was huddle in a fetal position crying my eyes out. I will never forget him laughing as he pulled up. 10 years later it is still his favorite story to tell, I never say a word when someone gets in an accident, and somewhere on a hard drive is a picture of sad and crying 20 year old me next to a broken barn door.

  223. Reluctant Manager*

    As a very junior staffer, I was responsible for collecting details on all of the proposals that had come in that week and giving the report to the vice president for the weekly meeting, where he read the details and the group discussed. One time there was a project set in Ireland, specifically the city of Cork.

    My typing skills failed me and my index finger went to the bottom row of the keyboard, not the top, and suddenly the project was very NSFW. I realized it a couple minutes before he got to that one, and as he was reading I jumped in and said, “CORK!” Everyone looked at me and I said, “Sorry, there’s a typo.” Then everyone wanted to know what it was. The vice president kept saying, “This is not a big deal, move on,” but I was so mortified!

  224. Cardigan Smartigan*

    I was doing some weeding of files, moving stacks of folders/papers around, etc. I was wearing a dress that had a pretty low neckline, so was wearing a buttoned up cardigan. (It wasn’t the greatest choice, but the dress had pockets and such is life) Unbeknownst to me, in the process of my weeding/carrying of stuff, a button on the cardigan lost its fight to stay closed.

    As I was walking back to the file cabinet, I bumped into my grandboss. He seemed a little flustered when I said hello to him. Thought it was odd. About a minute later, I noticed that my bra was pretty well-exposed to anyone who might walk by me, which would clearly explain his reaction.

    It was a pretty boring beige bra. I was slightly mortified. But, I think my grandboss was even more personally mortified than me. The fact that he said NOTHING while an employee was walking around his office unaware that she was very nearly exposing herself, says so much about his level awkwardness. At the time I was irritated by it. (Let’s be grown-ups, people!) But, it’s been a few years and now I just have pity for how uncomfortable he must have felt.

    I now wear tank tops under cardigans.

  225. barnaclesally*

    We had an intern at work who got braces as a late teenager and halfway through her internship she got them off and got her retainer, which she wore during the day except for meals. Well, on a particularly hectic day I grabbed my lunch from the freezer, set it on the counter and grabbed some napkins, picked up my lunch and popped it in the microwave. I also added a few extra minutes onto the cook time as I planned to do a task while the lunch was cooking and knew the meal would probably sit there for a few minutes before I got back to it. I ACCIDENTALLY MICROWAVED THE INTERN’S RETAINER!! I was mortified and she was hysterically crying as I ‘fessed up that I hadn’t noticed her napkin wrapped retainer on the counter and accidentally grabbed it with my lunch. So embarrassed!! And my boss was there to witness the whole aftermath, including the burnt retainer sitting there on the counter. We worked through it, and I offered to pay for a replacement retainer but I am so paranoid about microwaving my lunch now.

    1. Workerbee*

      Part of that was the intern’s fault, though, leaving a napkin-wrapped retainer on a workplace food counter – ! I know we’re not born knowing everything so I’m not actually picking on her, just hoping you can retroactively divest yourself of some of that mortification.

      1. barnaclesally*

        That’s the stance my boss took as well when he was working through the surprise situation. The intern has gotten a lot better about keeping her retainer in her purse when she’s eating and I am working on just slowing down

    2. Kat Maps*

      This reminded me of a similar incident that happened to me!! I was a supervisor in a retail at the time, and was on my lunch break. I had removed my retainer to start eating, but I was called to the cash for some reason. In the minutes I was away from my lunch, another coworker took it upon herself to clean the kitchen, and threw my napkin-wraped retainer into the garbage. Luckily I found after digging through the trash. Never wrapped it in a napkin again after that.

  226. Damn it, Hardison!*

    I had almost forgotten this incident until today. During college, I worked at my college’s bookstore on campus. It was a fairly small college, about 1200 students when I was there. One afternoon I was ringing up a necktie that had had small college seals on it, and I asked the gentleman buying it if he was faculty, staff or an alum, as they all received discounts. He paused and said yes, so I rang up the tie with the discount, put it in a bag, and thanked him for stopping in. After he left, my coworker asked “do you know who that was?” Of course, it was the president of the college.

  227. Pocket Mouse*

    Alison, we may need to have several round-up lists organized into categories: wardrobe malfunctions, verbal filter fails, a case of the clumsies, brain glitches, hot mics… what a treasure trove for mortification that loves company!

  228. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

    Back in the day when we had pagers instead of cellphones I (around 25F at the time) had a job where I was often paged at all hours, usually for stuff that was not related to my job. I would keep it on vibrate mode but it still usually woke me up.

    One morning I got to work super early and the all male night shift asked me why I was there so early and I replied that I couldn’t sleep because my vibrator kept going off.

  229. Katlady*

    My office sends around cards for everyone to sign whenever an employee has a birthday. I am not a particular fan of reading cards so I generally don’t pay much attention to what the cards say. One particular time, our CFO had been out of the office sick for a couple of weeks and a “Get Well Soon” card was passed around. I signed it “Happy Birthday, From Katlady”. Luckily he had a sense of humor and thought it was hilarious.

    1. AmyR*

      Omg, same for one of our VPs except it wasn’t a “Get Well Card” it was a “Condolences” card. Our coworker’s mother had died and the VP (not paying any attention) signed it with something along the lines of ‘here’s too many more!’ He was a good guy, just very busy. He felt awful!

  230. Nonny*

    I was a team leader with a new team (my team expanded). We had our team working agreement meeting and internal Project kickoff. One of the questions that came up was what do we do about last-minute requests, if our boss asked us to work on something we didn’t commit to in our delivery cycle.

    I said “ultimately your work comes from the commitment list every week. If they ask you to do work that isnt there, acknowledge the request, make a ticket, and we will talk about in our next delivery cycle planning meeting. Occasionally we have high priority items, at which case we will replace a ticket with a higher priority one…. ” Which was great until I added “I pretty much go the teenager approach — acknowledge it, say yes sure whatever, and then keep doing what you were doing.”

    Forgot the boss and other team’s leader, the two people who ask us to do last minute stuff, was in the meeting too.

  231. Former Clerk*

    From my old clerking days with a federal judge:

    When we received filings from parties, we (the clerks) would print out the filings, paperclip each brief (not stapled), and set them on the judge’s work station in order of motion, opposition, and reply. On my co-clerk’s first day, he got a motion and opposition for one of his cases, printed it out, paperclipped each, and set it out for the judge. A few minutes later the judge comes in and tells him it’s out of order. He looks at it, swaps the opposition to be on top, and replaces the motion and opposition in the judge’s office. Twenty minutes later, she comes back in and very patiently explains that she prefers to receive documents with the pages in order sequentially. Turns out he had somehow jumbled the pages after printing them and the motion was completely out of order after the first page. I nearly died from second-hand embarrassment–nothing like being told by a federal judge that page 2 should come after page 1.

  232. just a thought*

    Not the most high stakes, but I mostly work remotely and go into our now-mostly-empty office every once in a while. A few weeks ago, I went into the office and grabbed a conference room for a presentation my team was doing where we all present for about 5 minutes.
    The conference room has a motion sensor for the lights, that worked great until my turn to present. While I’m presenting, the motion sensor in the conference room decided the room was unoccupied and started dimming the lights. I was trying to continue presenting normally while waving my arm to activate the light motion sensor as my face got darker and darker then randomly lit up.
    I mentioned it to a few people afterwards and they all laughed and said “yeah, I saw you waving your arm randomly”

  233. SleepyWolverine*

    Our new facility manager, the fifth in less than three years, implemented a uniform change. They collected pant and shirt sizes…and put them all on a board in the break room. I’ve always been a big guy, and I have a thick skin, but for months after that the warehouse workers called me by admittedly large pant size and speculated about what I must eat like at home.

    I was dealing with type 2 bipolar disorder and had gained nearly 100 pounds due to the side effects of antidepressants and mood stabilizers.

    2. Zap R.*

      I’m sorry, friend. I gained 70 lbs on my brain meds and it sucked. I hope your coworkers are less shitty now.

  234. Spicy Tuna*

    During my first week at a new job, my boss and the CFO (both men) took me (female) out to lunch. Our office is in a city, and we were walking past a strip club on our way to the restaurant. A male strip club employee was out front sweeping the sidewalk and tidying up, and as we walked by, he called out, “Hey, we’re hiring”…. as if that wasn’t bad enough, the CFO called back, “She has a job!” DOH!

  235. Video killed the radio star*

    I worked at an independent video store near my university. This was in the hey-days of Blockbuster, and so as an indy store we had to really stand out from the crowd. We did this a couple of ways: we forgave late-fees left right and centre ($50 dollar late fee – pay us $5 and we’ll call it good. $5 late fee – no problem, I’ll just wipe that off your account), we gave out free popcorn, we had a big colleciton of indepedent and alternative films, and we were super friendly – the expectation was that you would have a chat with every person renting a video.
    Our collection also included tonnes of anime and hentai, which, if you don’t know, is basically animated porn. R-rated, lots of tentacles (that’s the trope – like all things, it varies). The anime drew a huge crowd, and the hentai also had quite a few fans. Anyway, we had a standard rent 3 get a fourth rental free deal. So I’m standing at the counter on a Friday night and this guy comes up – he doesn’t seem very talkative, but my job is to be very cheerful and engage customers, so I’m gonna try and have a conversation. He has 8 DVDs – all hentai. How do I start the conversation? “So you just planning on a relaxing evening at home then?” I was 19 years old and as soon as I realized what I said, I basically melted into the floor and died… he mumbled something in response, paid and walked off with his DVDs. It’s permanently burned in my memory as that time I accidentally asked a stranger if he was planning on masturbating when he got home…

    1. Metal Librarian*

      I used to work in a shop that sold CDs, DVDs, etc. and would have similarly awkward moments sometimes – we were encouraged to chat with customers about their purchases but I never knew what to say when someone would bring a stack of very “adult” DVDs to the checkout. I was mostly worried about accidentally looking like I was judging them – which I wasn’t, I was just very shy – so I’d try to just do the usual polite customer service routine without mentioning any of the films. I probably came across as very awkward and flustered.

  236. Daisy*

    I worked at an art gallery-slash-mental health program, and we had a T-shirt design contest. I sent out my monthly email with calendar and events. About a half hour later, I got a phone call… I should mention that I’m dyslexic, so I always sent things to my supervisor (off-site) to proof before they went out, and she’d given the go-ahead. I misspelled a word. Specifically the word T-shirt. I left out a letter. Guess which one.

    I had to send a retraction email to our mailing list of over 3,000, including all the people at County Department of Mental Health (who funded our program), the Arts Council (another funder), and everyone within my organization who’d received it. I was mortified.

    And now, I’m extra careful to have multiple people check things to catch any wayward “T-shirt errors.”

    1. Zap R.*

      I once emailed my staff asking if anyone wanted to “pick up some extra shifts this weekend.” I forgot a very important letter in the word “shifts.”

    2. Anon for this*

      I’m a physicist. I once submitted a paper discussing phase shifts, and yep, I made the unfortunate typo you’re thinking of.

  237. Spicy Tuna*

    I was on a long Zoom with the C-suite at a consulting client and I went to get a drink from the fridge. I *thought* I grabbed a regular seltzer, but I actually got an adult one. I’m now referred to as “Miller Time”

  238. Julie*

    When I was a fairly new programmer working on my first big project, there was a conference call scheduled including some bigwigs.

    I booked a conference room with a speakerphone so my supervisor and another supervisor in the building could sit in the same room with me. I got there early, set up, dialed in, and was very prepared. I put the speakerphone on mute so we wouldn’t contribute background noise.

    During the call it came time for me to speak up when a bigwig asked a question, so I reached for the phone, went to press the unmute button… and hung up. I dialed back in as quickly as I could, apologized, and answered the question. One of the supervisors in the room with me then slowly pulled the phone away from me, hahaha.

  239. AmyR*

    At my old job, a coworker of mine was sitting at her desk when her phone rang. She looked at the ID and saw that it was a friend of hers in another department. She picked the phone up and stated “what up be-otch?!” Except it was the CEO of our very large organization. He had been walking through and had a question for my coworker’s dept. He was not known for having a sense of humor. She wasn’t fired, but she did have a very awkward meeting with her boss.

    1. Spicy Tuna*

      I love doing this when the CFO is in my office wanting a question answered! The person on the other end of the line always does a 180* in their tone and attitude when the CFO pipes up in the background!

  240. Former Retail Lifer*

    This isn’t mine but I still think about it often. My old boss and I were talking about how, as Gen X, typing wasn’t mandatory for us in school and we never learned to type. We’re both slow and would often joke with each other about using the “hunt and peck” method of typing. He was conducting an orientation with a newly hired teenage girl and he was entering her new hire stuff into the system. He thought that she was judging him because he typed so slowly so he decided to acknowledge it. “I never learned to type the right way, ” he said. “I’m a pecker.”

    Either the teenager didn’t get it or didn’t say anything, but he was mortified and I laughed for at least ten minutes.

    1. Dragon_Dreamer*

      I’m GenX and had to take typewriting. Though I 2 finger type due to arthritis.

  241. DreddPirate*

    Not my own, but thought I’d share a bit of trivia that fits well into this thread:
    The scene in My Cousin Vinny when Vinny accidentally knocks over the chess set in the judge’s chambers is based on the real-life (mortifying) experience of the screenwriter, Dale Launer.

  242. K. Carlson*

    I once introduced one colleague I’d recently met, call him Jorge, to another I knew well, Mike, at a professional conference. I was single, and Jorge was very good-looking. I don’t do introductions often. This time, after the simple names part, I was giving a quick summary of what Jorge works on, and finished out the short blurb with some version of “…and he’s super cute.”

    I wanted to run away instantly. As I recall, neither man said much and we awkwardly took seats for the next talk. I still can get cold chills remembering that moment.

  243. thatfruitcake*

    Thankfully I caught my typo before sending this email but:
    I’m a recruiter and just the other day I was scheduling a candidate for a software sales role to complete a “mock demo” of a product.
    Only, when I reread it I saw I had typed “we’d like to have you complete a cock demo”

    I had to put my head in my hands for a couple minutes after that.

  244. Zap R.*

    I’m the receptionist at a sports radio station. One winter, I slipped on the sidewalk outside the office and tore my ACL. I came into work the next day with crutches and a full leg brace. It had taken my husband and I twenty minutes to get my pants and socks on and by the time I got to the office (in a taxi!) I was an emotional, frustrated wreck.

    Just as I sit down at my desk, in walks today’s guest, hockey legend Ken Dryden. “How are you?” he asks. I promptly burst into tears and kept wailing “I’m so sorry, I’m not usually like this” while the six-time Stanley Cup champion looked on with horrified concern.

    1. Deanna*

      I’m really sorry, but I can’t stop laughing at your meltdown over your torn ACL experience in front of an Ice Hockey legend. I’d have done the same thing! How’s your knee now?

      1. Zap R.*

        Much better! Never got surgery because it happened right before COVID but I’m not noticing any pain or range-of-motion issues. Thanks for asking!

        To his credit, Ken Dryden was very kind about the whole thing. I think hockey goalies are particularly understanding about horrible knee injuries.

  245. Choggy*

    Not mine but a coworker who showed up for her interview disheveled with a bleeding scrap on her knee from having fallen on her way in. She had the BEST sense of humor about it and in general which went a long way since she got the job and was really a terrific and fun coworker. I think it’s all in how you handle things sometimes, acknowledge, laugh a bit, and move on.

  246. Sam*

    Early in my career, I had to urgently go to the bathroom during a meeting (and didn’t just…step out). As soon as the meeting was over, I rushed into the bathroom, past the two senior executives chatting at the sink and into the stall. I was holding both walls while I went (I really had to go) and then I heard “Um, we can see you”. I wanted to flush myself down the drain.

  247. Spectre*

    I was a grad student in a small meeting with several professors and university higher-ups. One of the meeting attendees was joining remotely so they wheeled a tv into the meeting room and displayed his video call on that. Just this person’s head projected on an enormous screen.

    This was in the days when video calls were just starting to become a thing, so the group was joking about how we all got the privilege of being completely present in the meeting but that one person was only partly there.

    I said, in the overly loud voice of someone feeling out of place but desperately trying to be cool about it, “Yeah we’re all here with our entire bodies, but he just gets HEAD.”

    Anyway, I’m now writing this from beyond the grave because that level of mortification is not compatible with life.

  248. Galadriel's Garden*

    This was my first real job, as an administrative assistant at an engineering firm. I did a lot of “office helper” type roles, one of which was filling the vending machines weekly. This was my first week at work and I was going to fill the pop machine, and had apparently really overestimated how many cans I thought I could carry at one time. I get halfway across the cafeteria and one of the cans slips out of my arms – oh no! I turn to grab it and drop another one…which promptly breaks open and starts spraying pop *everywhere*. Naturally I panic, drop more cans, another one breaks open…and then I slip and fall into the puddle on the floor, scattering the remaining cans across the cafeteria. At this point I am sitting on the floor in my dress pants, in a puddle of Mountain Dew and Pepsi, and just start laughing hysterically (because what else are you going to do?) and then hear a voice behind me: “Uhhh……….are you okay?” Oh no, I was not alone during this, I had a captive audience who watched this all play out in abject horror as he got his coffee. Luckily he quickly came to my aid and helped pick up the wayward cans, but yeah, not my finest moment.

  249. Tuesday*

    This just happened to me last winter. It was an icy day, and I work on a busy street. I didn’t slow down enough before pulling in to the driveway, skidded on ice, and ended up crashing into a snowbank. I heard some kind of grinding noise from my car and a loud THUNK! as though something had fallen off.

    I was so shaken that I just parked my car and went inside like nothing happened, like maybe I could just pretend and it would be fine. No problem, right? Just act normal. I immediately went into the kitchen to get coffee. One of my coworkers was also in there and said “how’s it going?”

    To my absolute mortification, I burst into tears while he just looked at me like I’d grown a second head. I had to explain that I had just crashed my car a little and I thought a part of it might have fallen off in the middle of the street. He’s a nice guy, so instead of just letting it go, he volunteered to go outside with me to check for damage.

    Sure enough, my car’s splashguard HAD fallen off in the middle of the street, and my poor coworker had to drag it over and then get down in the snow to see if anything else is wrong with my car. I appreciated it, but I am still so embarrassed that I started crying in response to his very normal small talk!

  250. MasterofBears*

    Just out of college, I worked for an entomology professor maintaining experimental beehives. Since she was studying pesticide impacts on bees, the hives were spread around a fairly rural part of the midwest. The kind of country where you can see for miles in every direction.

    Which is how I came to find myself explaining to a somewhat concerned highway patrol officer that I dropped my pants within full view of a county highway because there was a bee inside them.

    (Him: perfectly understandable, have a nice day ma’am)

  251. Cynthia*

    I was in a staff meeting that involved half a dozen people and my boss. This meeting was scheduled over lunch, and we were all eating as we discussed some big upcoming changes to policy. I respectfully disagreed with my boss about an issue that came up, and expressed that in a calm and professional way – but it was clear I felt strongly about it. I then took a bite of the salad I was eating, and happened to bite down on a cherry tomato – which exploded in a feat of physics I still don’t understand (I’m truly not a messy eater!). Cherry tomato guts spurted across the table DIRECTLY onto my boss’s cheek. I could not have planned it if I’d tried, but the fact that it happened right after I’d expressed my disagreement with his new policy was just awful timing! He gave me a shocked look of horror as he slowly wiped the tomato seeds and juice off his face (understandably!) – and I had just no chill whatsoever, and immediately burst into tears at the complete shame of it.

    I was only 22 years old when this happened, but the whole incident still completely mortifies me, a decade and a half later.

  252. Abogado Avocado*

    Oof. There was the time I was in my 20’s, returning to the office following an outside meeting, and decided to get a quick car wash at the gas station. Somehow, I managed to get a car wheel stuck alongside the conveyer belt inside the car wash, and then had to run through sprays of water, soap, car wax, etc. to get help from the station attendant. Who I appeared before with my wind-whipped, soapy hair and bedraggled skirt-suit. The astonished attendant told me no one had ever managed to get their car stuck in the wash, but he did shut down wash system and helped me lift the car wheel (I drove a small Nissan sedan back then) onto the conveyer belt. And then, after my car completed the wash cycle, I returned to the office in my bedraggled state and cheerfully told everyone what had happened — because I didn’t get that the story made me look like an idiot.

  253. Watch Out For That Tree!*

    Not mine, but my sister’s…
    she was in a meeting with a number of corporate bigwigs, so she set the ringer on her phone to mute. She felt the phone vibrate in her pocket during the meeting, and didn’t think anything of it. Unfortunately, the caller left a message, and she had a message reminder ring tone – that was NOT set to mute.
    So, about 15 minutes later, the whole room hears, “Cuckoo! Cuckoo!”
    Sis feigned surprise and looked around the room, just like everyone else at the meeting, then surreptitiously turned her phone off as soon as she could.
    The best part, though, is that she had changed that ring tone to the Cuckoo clock just the day before the meeting.
    It originally was the Tarzan Yell!

  254. lemonpie*

    Two weeks into my new role at an academic institution, I had a meeting across campus with a department who carried out serious duties. On my way out the door that autumn morning I had grabbed a scarf out of the dryer at home. During the meeting, I took off my coat (had walked across campus with it on) but left my scarf on for the entirety of the meeting. After it ended, I stood up, shook everyone’s hands, put on my coat to walk back across campus, got to my office, took off my coat, and realized I’d had a pair of black, lacy panties stuck to my scarf through static electricity the entirety of the meeting. All I could do was laugh so hard I cried by myself in my office with the door shut.

    1. Baby Yoda*

      LOL! My husband years ago was shopping for me at Victoria’s Secret, and had a saleslady chase him when he left the store. He had some panties hanging with static on the front of his sweater.

  255. OhNo*

    I had my daughter and took a new, demanding job at work 3mo post partum. So I was pumping at work and trying to juggle all these new tasks and was generally just in a fog of exhaustion.
    Well, one day, I go to the designated place to pump. I pull down my stretchy top below my bra, hook myself up and proceed to do emails/IM while pumping. I finish up, pack up and head out to the production floor where I bump into a gal and start having a conversation. I saw her glance down and I realized that I had neglected to pull up my stretchy top from beneath my bra after pumping and I was standing on the production floor with my flesh colored, spit up stained nursing bra on display for the world to admire.
    She gasped. I gasped. I pulled up my shirt.
    Bless her heart, we never spoke of it again.

  256. Whoops*

    Back in the early 2000s, when our company emails were restricted to 2 MB for attachments, my boss asked me to send out some literature to basically our entire customer list who had email at the time. I had no idea what I was doing, and I figured it would be easier if I sent them out to groups of 10 addresses at a time. I did not do anything to hide anyone’s address from everyone else on the email, which would have been a terrible breach of privacy except that each email was about 8 mb each and got clogged in the server, so none of them went out. I’d sent out about 70 emails when I realized something was wrong and called IT. It took down the server for the rest of the day and part of the next while they cleared everything out.

  257. Vandy*

    My company had just moved into a modern and completely custom-designed office. We had an all-staff meeting with all (300 or so) of us gathered in our new kitchen/lounge space. The president of the company was giving a speech and the crowd was silently and respectfully listening.

    I was standing next to one of the sinks and a silver button on the counter caught my eye. So, I just pushed it. Of course, it was the garbage disposal. Because why wouldn’t it be something silent…like soap. For a second, I thought it would just turn off on its own, like those timed faucets at the airport, but it didn’t and I couldn’t get it to turn off! I don’t know, I had never had a garbage disposal and I wasn’t pushing the button hard enough. So EVERYONE is just watching in horrified fascination while I frantically push the button. Someone finally came to my rescue after about a minute (longest minute of my life) and pushed the button harder. The garbage disposal from Hell finally stops and being super-white, my face is ON FIRE. The president made some comment about us all being awake and he hoped I was done testing the disposal. So mortifying! I was with the company over 8 years and even years later, I still occasionally got ribbed about needing to use the garbage disposal during our next meeting.

  258. Dragon_Dreamer*

    I used to be rather endowed, before my surgery last year. About a decade ago, I was working at a local pharmacy. A little old lasy came up to the register, looked me up and down, and asked, “How’s the baby, dear?”

    I was completely confused, and informed her that I’ve never had children.

    She smiled even more broadly, and in the most “motherly” tone, told me “Oh, I’m sorry! You just look *SO* tired! And my dear, *THOSE* are nursing breasts!”

    As she walked off, my elderly male supervisor started laughing his a** off. It took until I left a year later for him to stop chortling when he looked at me.

  259. Leslie*

    I used to work for a municipality at a museum that they owned. The museum was built in the 1880’s but the kitchen had been completely remodeled with an added bathroom. The bathroom had a sauna type tub in it. I had the sense to ask my boss if I could use the bathroom to take a shower at the end of the day. I didn’t want to get accused of using this really nice amenity without permission. I decided to use the bathtub one evening. I locked myself out of the bathroom with the tub water running. I literally broke the doorknob off getting in. I shudder to think what would have happened of that bathtub hadn’t of had a very efficient overflow. I had to tell my boss and the doorknob was replaced with one that you couldn’t lock. Problem solved? Nope! The museum had another bathroom. The original house had an bathroom built somewhere around 1920 and had a working toilet. The remodled bathroom had no toilet so I had to use the 1920’s bathroom. The doorknob was original and had a pin that dropped to lock the door. I shut the door one day to use the toilet and pin drops , locking me IN the old bathroom. It was during business hours so I figured, ok, don’t panic a customer will come in and I will let them know that I locked in the bathroom, they could easily pull the pin and unlock it…. oh i was so happy when I heard the bell on the door ring and heard voices. I shouted that I was locked in the old bathroom and please help. One woman said “hello? Oh my!” Hushed voices came next then I heard the bell on the door ring again. They left . The didn’t help, they just left. I finally got out, I was able to manipulate the knob a bit to get to the pin.

    I told my boss about this too and she was just terrified, she had a city maintenance man come in and remove the pin so no bathroom doors locked after that.

    The women did come back, I think that it was the next day, and told me that they were too scared to help. I could barely get through the tour with them, I was so angry.

  260. Alice Watson*

    This might be mild compared to some but it definitely took me a long time to get over. One day I was in the copy room at work and in a rush. I grabbed my papers and flew out of the room top speed only to collide with a man who had just turned down the hallway. I was moving so fast I hit him like a hip check in a pro hockey game and knocked him right into the opposite wall. The man in question was our CEO. I was horrified and couldn’t stop apologizing, to his credit he kept his calm, told me to slow down and be careful and went on his way. It was still a good year before I could look him in the eye again.

  261. Mortifier*

    Our first child had some significant health problems early on. So in addition to the normal brain fog of a new parent, I was dealing with hospital visits and doctors and sleepless nights of worry. Needless to say, I was in zombie-mode.

    Well, that morning, I had dropped the baby off at daycare and then I got to work and had an early morning meeting. I was sitting across the table from a male colleague and the guy kept staring at my chest! I couldn’t believe him. I was disgusted. I was angry. I wanted to tell him “eyes up here, buddy” and I had all sorts of comebacks planned. The meeting ended and I went into the restroom, looked in the mirror and realized that I had my daughter’s pacifier trapped in the front of my blouse between my breasts.

  262. Buttercup*

    OK, so, this story is from school, rather than a job, but I hope it counts!

    My AP Biology teacher was looking for something in a drawer during class one day, and as she was digging, she randomly laughed and asked the class, “Do you all want to see my penis?” Her being a middle aged cis woman, and us being teenagers, nobody said anything for several seconds, so she took out of the drawer a tiny plastic penis that she explained had fallen off an anatomy model that was being moved to a different classroom. Another biology teacher happened to be passing by and heard her telling that story, so she (also a middle aged cis woman) came in to listen, and when my teacher was done, loudly asked us, “Want to hear about my two cocks?” and proceeded to tell us about her two roosters, being as euphemistic as she possibly could. The ensuing conversation went on for several minutes, during which the vice principal walked in, listened silently for about a minute, and left without ever making his presence known to our teachers. Looking back, it was the single best class period of my high school career, but at the time, it was absolutely mortifying! Both teachers still work at that school, so the fiction I choose to believe is that the vice principal was also deeply mortified by the conversation and chose to pretend it never happened!

  263. The Wizard Rincewind*

    Pretty mild, but I had a huge crush on my coworker at a former job and put his (publicly available!) contact info in my phone. I never did anything with it, but one time he asked me to send him something, I forgot I had done this, and I gave him my phone to type in his email address.

    …which popped up under his contact.

    I’m so glad that was a contract gig because I couldn’t look him in the eye for the rest of my time there.

  264. Llama Wrangler*

    This just happened, so fresh in my head. First day in the office, in my first week at a new job. The guy who sits next to me is well known in our field, very charismatic, and very cool. I am …almost none of those things.
    At the end of the first day, he was leaving a bit before me, and said goodbye. He made a fist, while I was waving, and I sort of ended up awkwardly tapping the side of his hand.
    You know the awkward routine of wires getting crossed between a hug and a handshake? Like that, but with fist bump and wave, and the end result was it seemed like I’ve never seen a fist bump before in my life. Great first impression!

  265. Alan*

    Many years ago I was up in our management suite, a visitor since I was pretty low-level, and I accidentally dropped my laptop and then swore. All these upper-level people start pouring out of their offices to see what the problem is and there I am picking up my laptop. Not my finest moment.

  266. JustAnotherKate*

    Years ago I sent a chat to a work friend that was along the lines of “I’m such an asshole, I accidentally used your salad dressing and finished it. Sorry, this goddamn diet is making me crazy and if I see one more salad I’ll probably barf anyways, but I’ll bring you a new bottle tomorrow.” Which wasn’t horrible…except she was presenting to our Board of Directors and sharing her screen. (In all fairness, her chat status was “available,” not “busy” or “presenting” or “DND.” I guess i could’ve checked her calendar?) She said she managed to X it out before anyone saw what it was, but I was still mortified.

  267. Marshbilly, not Hillbilly*

    Around 20 years ago, I was doing some soil sampling at a site with pesticide contamination. In the middle of collecting a sample, a number of large ants crawled up my pant legs. Apparently, they release a pheromone (?) and all bite around the same time, which caused horrible shooting/stinging pain all over my legs.

    I had to tell my coworker to turn around so I could rip my pants off and pluck ants from my legs… in broad daylight, in the middle of a semi-public space. It’s funny now, but “I have literal ants in my pants, OWWWWW” was not amusing at the time.

  268. WetFeet*

    I’ve never told anyone this one… In my first job I used to walk into the office in a pair of old sneakers, shove them under my desk and change into formal shoes for the day. Apparently, the sneakers, well, they developed a bit of an aroma after a while of this, particularly in the perpetually wet British weather, which was either nose blind to by this point or it was just not coming my way due to the quirks of office ventilation.
    Eventually, in one of the most uncomfortable meetings of all time, my manager sat me down in her office to tell me they had complaints of my foot smell and that I had to do something about it. It seemed my desk mate had gone to HR about it, and it had been handled to my manager to raise with me personally.
    To this day I have no idea why we want through such an embarrassing fiasco instead of someone just literally casually commenting to me that my shoes were getting funky. It was horrendous. I threw the sneakers out.

  269. Two Johns*

    Can’t remember whether I’ve told this story here before, but here goes:
    I (a cis woman) run a couple different programs at a university: one takes place on, say, Wednesdays during the school year, and one takes place over the summer. For each program, I work with faculty member. Both of them are named John. One day, we all ran into each other in the hallway, and I introduced them to each other by saying, “This is my Wednesday John, and this is my summer John.” I wanted to hide under a rock as soon as I said it, but they either didn’t catch the alternative meaning or pretended not to.

    1. Metal Librarian*

      Please excuse my ignorance – what’s the alternative meaning?

      (I say this as a former piano teacher who used to refer to two of my students as “Morning Joe” and “Afternoon Joe” and am now fretting that this was somehow inappropriate)

    2. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

      HAH! This reminds of a time I was in a meeting with a coworker/friend and he had his day planner open and he had in bold letters. “JACK OFF EARLY”

      I may have snorted something along the lines of “I didn’t know that needed to be scheduled”

      His son, Jack, got out of preschool early that day.

      1. Anon for this*

        So for awhile I worked somewhere in the education branch of a local tourist attraction where on our radios everyone was referred to with their department first and then their name (“Education Liz” or “Maintenance Tom” or what have you). We had a youth volunteer named Mike (education Mike on the radio) that everyone loved; he was friendly, hard-working, competent, and one of our best volunteers.

        We also had an area where we had to give presentations to visitors over the sound system. Our bosses were frustrated because the microphone for our dept was broken and they couldn’t get it fixed (all microphones were the headset type so you couldn’t just share with someone else). They finally determined that they could no longer nudge it to work with duct tape and prayer, and wanted us to know it was completely broken.

        So we all show up for work one morning and are met with the horrifying note on our whiteboard in the sign-in area: “EDUCATION MIKE IS DEAD!” We were shocked and taken aback both by the idea of this wonderful teen having somehow died, and then our bosses sharing it in such a callous way. A few minutes later they strolled in cheerily to give us morning announcements, including about the mealy microphone situation, to a room full of glum and sad employees. Thankfully it was cleared up quickly, but this still makes me laugh.

  270. The Wizard Rincewind*

    Oh! I remembered something else: the incident that spurred me to remove message preview on my phone. While showing my coworker something on my phone, my girlfriend at the time texted me and there’s no way my coworker could avoid seeing her….oversharing. Thankfully it wasn’t NSFW or sensitive private info but, well, my coworker learned that day that I date women before I was out to anyone.

    It’s funny to me now, but at the time I yanked my phone away so hard that I was surprised it didn’t go flying across the room.

    Jeez. What is up with my embarrassing moments revolving around my phone?

  271. Librarian Silliness*

    These are more mildly embarrassing, but they still make me laugh. When you do multiple storytimes a week (as I do as a children’s librarian) in front of 30-50 people at once there are lots of opportunities to mess up publicly. Two of my favorite stories of times I’ve made a fool of myself:

    -In baby storytime we do something called “lap bounces” where you sing a song/rhyme while gently bouncing baby on your lap. Once I said, “for this next lap DANCE” instead of bounce. The caregivers in the room all burst out laughing and thought it was hilarious.

    -Once I was singing Old MacDonald and when I got to “And on his farm he had a CHICKEN” I have two animal noises I could make that would be correct: “Bawk, bawk” or “Cluck, cluck.” Instead I quacked. Which is definitely not a noise a chicken makes. More laughter all around.

  272. Betsy Bobbins*

    Back in the 90’s I was teaching an aerobics class in the middle of the summer on a very hot day. The room I was teaching in did not get the same airflow as the rest of the gym so it was wickedly hot in there. I was dressed in a sports bra and shorts so I could stay as cool as possible. It was a popular class time so the room was packed with men and women getting their fitness on after work. I spent the entire class watching all the participants, making sure none of them were having any ill effects from the heat, so it was until the very end that I caught a glimpse of myself. My formerly white sports bra was completely drenched with sweat had become transparent and it left NOTHING to the imagination. So, yeah, I essentially have performed topless and, sadly, tipless.

  273. Tara*

    Many years ago when I was on co-op, I was supposed to meet up with a construction manager (who I had met a couple times but didn’t know well) who would show me around a worksite so I could learn about the field operations of road paving. It was about 5am in the morning and dark out, and I had been waiting at a deserted satellite office in my car for a half hour past when he was supposed to pick me up. I called my boss who gave me the guy’s cell number, and I called him up to find he had forgotten about me and was on his way and would be there shortly.
    About 15 minutes later a car pulls in to the lot, and in the dark I saw his silhouette and was relieved I could finally get out of that spooky dark parking lot. So I confidently walk right up to the passenger door and open it… only to see the startled face of some other man I’d never met in my life. I apologized profusely, explained I was waiting for someone else and I thought it was him, and went back to my car horribly embarrassed but hey at least I would never see that guy again.

    Later that day my boss came to pick me up from the worksite so she could take me to a meeting with the higher-ups. On the way there I told her all about my morning and my embarrassing incident and she thought it was HILARIOUS. We got to the meeting, and OF COURSE it turned out that guy was there too! So not only did I have to see the guy again (and learned his name this time), but he and my boss both had a good laugh at my expense. I guess in retrospect it’s sort of funny, but I was absolutely MORTIFIED.

  274. Marmalade Today*

    Roughly 6 or 7 years ago the satellite office I worked in closed, but I was allowed to keep my job and work from home. We had a bit of a heat wave one day, and an early morning team meeting / conference call closed out with small talk about how we were all coping. My boss called me right after, greeting me with “how are you?” I said I was feeling “a bit sleepy”, in reference to the early time. He must have mis-heard me because he reacted with shocked silence, followed by a quick quiet exhortation to be professional and buy myself an air conditioner. I don’t know what he thought he heard; maybe “sweaty” or (please, no) “sexy?” I never asked, and he never said anything of the sort again. He did, however, regularly assume I’d said something foolish or wrong, if there happened to be a gap in our phone connection. Not a benefit of the doubt kind of person.

  275. The Lovely Birb*

    This wound is still very fresh:

    I was running a team-building session last month and the question of how to motivate and recognise introverts came up. I brought up an example of a notoriously introverted exec. in the business receiving an award who refused to stand and receive it during the announcement.

    Unfortunately, the award was one named in honour of a recently-deceased employee who many of the team knew well and were fond of, and my choice of words was: “Do you remember George getting the Elaine Benes award? He’d rather die than be recognised for individual contributions!”

    I also wanted to die the second I said it. There was an awkward silence and I just quickly moved on, kicking myself.

    1. The Lovely Birb*

      This reminds me of a non-work relate story of someone else’s mortification that is a core memory for me.

      I was meeting my partner’s best friend and girlfriend for the first time many years ago. We were on a road trip, and the girlfriend and I were sitting in the backseat. She asked me: “Do you like SNES?” (Which I now know is a Super Nintendo.) I replied back: “I LOVE snacks!” She laughed, and said, “No, SNES. Nintendo.” To which I said, “Oh, yeah. Sure!”

      Everyone laughed and we continued on. A little while later, with no context, my partner’s best friend who was driving and had misheard me, said: “So, uh, you love sex, The Lovely Birb?”

      We all just stared at him, having no idea what he was on about.

      He still cringes to this day when I rib him about it.

  276. Arizona License*

    I had moved from Arizona to California. Arizona has extremely long driver’s license periods. I was in an ADHD downswing, and although I was doing great at my job, I had only managed to renew my Arizona car registration and had not managed to get the car registered in California, nor replace my license. Which you are supposed to do within a month of moving.

    Naturally, a highway patrol car notices the local toll transponder on a car with out-of-state plates, and pulls me over on my way to work. “You know I can’t let you drive away with your paperwork in this situation,” he says.

    I had to ask my new manager to come rescue me from the side of the road and drive me to work and back home (it was a 30 mile commute, and fortunately she lived somewhat past me). She was very kind about it but I was completely mortified and refused her offer of carpooling. I took the bus for a while until I got things straightened out.

  277. LK*

    My organization puts on frequent conferences for our members, and other organizations we work with often have exhibit tables there. Years ago, when I was very young, I was working registration at my first conference after being hired, and needed to get the badges for the exhibitors. Except, in the moment, I completely forgot the word “exhibitors” and ended up asking my co-worker about our exhibitionists instead! I was mortified and she had a good laugh, but I don’t think she’s held it against me.

  278. Snoozing not schmoozing*

    Years ago, on a military midnight shift in one of those large old computer rooms, I was the only female in a room full of men. We’d get very basic box lunches delivered for our meal, consisting of a sandwich, fruit, packaged dessert, and two cardboard cartons of milk. I don’t like milk. One of the maintenance guys walked in and asked if anyone had anything to drink. I yelled across the room, “I’ve got a couple of things of milk you can have!” Dead silence for about five seconds while my face turned beet red, then we ALL started laughing. They were all such nice guys that I never had to worry about a gaffe like that bringing out any objectionable replies or behavior.

  279. Too Many Sandwiches*

    Some years ago, we hosted a meeting and I was tagged in the mid-morning to order lunch. Original plan was for the meeting to wrap up before lunch, but it was definitely running long. Instead of trying to take a dozen sandwich orders, I figured I’d order a tray of sandwiches, some chips, and assorted drinks from our usual catering delivery company. In my haste, I misunderstood the quantity options, and thought that the form was asking for how many sandwiches on each tray. I was horrified when three delivery guys with carts showed up to deliver lunch, instead of the usual one guy with one large bag. 12 trays of sandwiches, but only 12 bags of chips and 12 drinks. Cudos to the catering people for whipping up 144 fresh sandwiches in an hour and a half, but I wanted to sink into the floor. Had to explain to them what had gone wrong, then to my boss, then to other staff as I started begging people to take sandwiches home. I got so embarrassed that I started crying, and that of course started a further loop of embarrassment and crying. Thankfully, everyone was kind, and I was able to start laughing about it a couple days later. Endless sandwiches!

  281. TSew*

    Years ago, I worked in a call centre, training new staff, alongside a more experienced colleague. On the second day of a particular intake, my colleague was running the first session while I caught up on some other work. At morning tea on the second day I came into into the training room, took a quick scan, saw there were no empty seats and breezily said ‘Oh good, everyone came back for day two!” A stunned silence greeted me and my colleague looked mortified – it turns out someone had emailed that morning to say it wasn’t the right job for them, and my colleague had already removed their chair that morning.

    I no longer work there, or in that role, but I’m very careful about how I address large groups!

  282. Jolene*

    I accidentally invited a partner to my hotel room in the middle of the night in a misaddressed email.

    I was a young associate at a big prestigious firm. My girlfriends name was, say, Alison Smith. I was staying in a hotel while working on a big trial. After a long long day, I used my work blackberry to email my girlfriend at 3 am “This hotel room is nothing without you.”

    Unbeknownst to me, the firm hired a new partner, whose name was, say, Albert Smith. I had never met him, but my blackberry helpfully added him to my address book, alphabetically before Alison.

    I had no idea my error until the next day when I was sitting in court, and received a reply from Albert “I believe this was misaddressed.”

    Things got even more awkward a few months later, when Albert and I ended up having to stay at the same hotel for several weeks, working on the same trial in another case. I just avoided eye contact at all costs.

  283. Teacher, too*

    I’m a high school biology teacher, so as you can imagine, I have lots of opportunities for slip-ups and embarrassment… This past year I had my students working on a genetics lab where they would flip a coin and “make a baby” with a partner. This lab had a ton of traits, so to make sure everyone was on the same page and knew what to do, I decided we’d do the first one together. Well the first trait on the list was determining the sex of the baby. So even though I’ve been teaching for 5 years and should really know to think before I speak, ESPECIALLY when dealing with genetics and reproduction… I said to my full class of 9th graders, “Let’s do sex together”. I just about died. And this is my class that designed all sperm-themed holiday sweaters when my guidelines were simply that they had to be themed around topics we had covered, so of course they didn’t let this slide without comment. So much cringe…

  284. Not A Girl Boss*

    I do my best deep work to gangster rap. I’m not sure why, I guess the beat gives me a focused energy.

    I worked in an open office area that was hear-a-pin-drop quiet and full of male engineers who were old enough to be my grandfather. I (a female 2 months out of college) was spinning mindlessly back in forth in my chair while I worked, and I ripped my headphone cords out of the computer. Suddenly, “Come here girl, let me get you out them panties” began blaring out of my computer speakers.

    I frantically tried to shut off the song, but I couldn’t find the Pandora tab that was buried 3 browser windows deep. For some reason it did not occur to me to focus on muting the speakers instead. Turns out, I lose my head under pressure.
    The worst part? Someone from the next cube group over called out “This is not appropriate for an office environment, shut it off at once!” – I think he thought I was doing it on purpose??

  285. Hell in a Handbasket*

    When I was young and in my first job, some coworker friends and I decided to go out for a few drinks after work to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. A few turned into several, and we ended up having to stay overnight at one friend’s house who lived nearby. My friend and I decided that this was fine, even though we had work the next day, because we could just swap clothes so we each had something different to wear. This was back in the days when our office was full formal wear, with skirts/pantyhose/heels.

    In the sober light of morning, we realized there were a few flaws in this plan.
    (1) We worked in the same group so this was not likely to be inconspicuous as we hoped.
    (2) Both sets of clothes were pretty gross from our night out partying at a sweaty bar.
    (3) Most importantly — my friend was a 6’3″ college basketball player with a DD chest, while I was a good 10 inches shorter, thin and flat-chested.

    We both ended up re-wearing our own outfits the next day. No one said anything but I imagine it was noticed.

  286. Jazzy P*

    Many years ago I was manager of an overpriced women’s activewear boutique chain, location Union Station in DC (it’s no longer there and neither am I). I was disgruntled and young. I went out the evening before an opening shift and beverages beyond memory were imbibed. I wake up the next morning late and SO hungover I roll out of bed and grab clothing and head to metro.

    I was arriving at my store, sunglasses on despite coming up the escalator from the dark metro and an unlit cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I notice people are staring on the down side of the escalators. Then my brain slowly recalls people have been staring since I arrived at the metro. I glance down and I am wearing yoga pants and a hoodie. Totally fine for work. Except my my hoodie is unzipped. And I am not wearing a shirt. Or a bra. I’ve been throwing breasts around for 30 plus minutes and was too hungover to realize it.

    The day I flashed our nation’s capital! Whew I cringeeeeee at every decision made the night before and the day of.

    2. Jolene*

      Well, at least it is completely legal for either sex/gender to walk around topless in DC.

  287. TheDisenchantedForest*

    In grad school, I was very stressed out over a project and I hadn’t eaten much that day. I passed out in the middle of the lecture – full on collapsed to the ground. I came to a few minutes later, with the entire class surrounding me. I was ok – luckily I didn’t hit anything when I fell – but extremely embarrassed.

  288. Jazzy P*

    Another of note, once again young and in the coffee beverage service. I’d been screwed over my my manager and was on the last shift of my notice period. Excited to move on and start my new job!

    I got margarita mix and tequila and we were making margaritas in the blenders in between customers. We would then have to sanitize the blender (because I was an irresponsible jerk but still knew that would be gross and wrong). Making my last margaritas of the evening a customer is frustrated at close their blended beverage is taking too long. I turn around and tell the customer they could wait until the margaritas were done. Giant handle of tequila next to me. At the time I didn’t care but I seriously am like wtf was I even doing with my life??? This is NOT how to quit a job even if you’ve been screwed. Cringe.

  289. Ehm*

    I became pretty good friends with one of our vendor reps, young guy like me. He had a generic name, Sam Smith basically. I sent a quick email to him at SSmith@company.biz asking for an order update, and started it “SUP YOU WEIRD NERD.” Turns out his father…Scott Smith….also worked for the company as a Very Serious Senior Partner.

    His dad replied saying “This is the Weird Nerd’s father. I believe you meant this for SKSmith@company.biz.” And he copied aaaaalllllll my managers.

    Thankfully everyone found it hilarious, but I wanted a hole to open up in the office floor so I could crawl into it.

  290. Hannah Lee*

    When I first got out of college years ago, I was struggling to find a job, so wound up temping as a receptionist at a nearby tech company. I became friends with some of the engineers, who’d come by to chat when they were waiting for something to compile on the big complex engineering mini-supercomputer.

    One day I mentioned how bored I got sometimes, and one of them showed me a computer game I could play from my workstation “you can start and stop a session if you need to, if a visitor comes in”
    I’d merrily play it off and on during the day, stopping and then restarting as needed.

    Note: the engineers I’d become friendly with were social, mid-level engineers. There were other, really brainy, engineering “gods” who I’d never seen speak to anyone. One of them came in every day, silently, wordlessly walking past the front desk, in sunglasses, disappearing into the engineering department to do really important, complex work.

    One day, I was bored and playing the game to pass the time, it seemed slower than usual. I looked up at some point to see the silent, now non-sunglass wearing God Engineer standing in front of me. He sort of smiled and said quietly “can I come around and show you something on your computer?”

    He came over, logged me out, logged himself in to the main engineering server, which he and the other “gods” used solely to develop and compile new software for use on our company’s main product. He pulled up a screen that showed usage on that system… memory, disk, CPU.

    Of all the processes using CPU and memory on that system, the majority were Reception2 – my login- playing Larn.

    Turns out, I wasn’t exiting the game, just closing the window when I needed to stop
    playing… and then starting a new game, over and over and over again while the previous instances were still running. SW Engineering in a international tech company was basically being dragged to a halt by … me, bored at the reception desk, playing a UNIX based game.

    “Maybe, tomorrow, just bring a book instead? Okay?” Me: “okay” as I tried to not melt and disappear.

    I never played that game again, and he always greeted me warmly when he passed by after that.

    1. Presently DeMo*

      I love this so much. Ha. I’m glad he gave you some grace and came up with a better suggestion for you!

    2. jane's nemesis*

      HA! I think this is on the engineers, though, for not being more explicit about how to start and stop the game! It sounds to me like you were using the application in a normal way!
      I’m glad God Engineer was kind to you!

  291. NiceOrc*

    My work had just implemented Teams, late last year. We were encouraged to get to know the system and try the different functions. A colleague and I were messaging and she discovered you could use gifs. So we spent a bit of time sending each other silly gifs from Studio Ghibli films (something we are both fans of), minions, cats, that sort of thing – nothing rude, just silly and not at all professional. And then our manager popped into what we had thought was a chat between just us, and told us that we were using the whole-team chat…

  292. Secondhand Mortification*

    A student at my university was running code on a personal machine, which was connected to their advisor’s server. The server was set to run backups of every machine connected to it, every single night.

    On that particular night, it did exactly as it was supposed to, backing up everything, including the student’s ENORMOUS collection of adult material.

    The advisor was not amused.

  293. Cats Are Really Fuzzy*

    In a meeting where I tried to say “Catch me up” and “Fill me in” and it came out “Fill me up”

  294. Just Pretend It Didn't Happen*

    — I was at the point in the dental implant process where you have a temporary denture; it was the lower incisors, which don’t have any good place to anchor a denture; and I was interviewing for a new job. The denture popped loose while I was speaking and was just rattling around in my mouth. I don’t think the interviewer had any idea what happened, but I’m sure I didn’t look normal as I frantically tried to push it back down with my tongue.

    — While interviewing for a different job, the hiring manager said Americans had trouble with his name and he went by Skippy. I got the job, and continued to call him Skippy, refer to him as Skippy, and identify him to newer hires as Skippy. After about six months of this, I overheard him introducing himself to someone else: “I go by my initials, SKP.”

    1. TypityTypeType*

      Hah! I worked in and around the radio industry for years, so I worked at different times with people called Dusty, Sky, Face, Kid (more than one), Max (female), and various easy-to-remember-for-a-ratings-diary handles that were not the names on people’s driver’s licenses or even necessarily what they preferred to be called in the office. A Skippy wouldn’t have given me a moment’s pause.

  295. Lizard*

    This is fairly tame as stories go, but I still cringe thinking about it.

    I was out at lunch during a work trip with some co-workers and my boss. We were eating at a place where you had to grab your own place settings, and apparently also condiments (like bottles of hot sauce or ketchup). I didn’t quite catch on about the condiment part, and so of course didn’t gather any when picking up my utensils.

    Once the food arrived and I began eating, I felt the food could use some hot sauce, and proceeded to pour some out from the bottle at the table. EXCEPT it was not communal like I had thought… my boss had selected it. It was like I basically took food from my boss, and the look on his face when I put the bottle down let me know that’s how he felt about it too. Well, that and pure shock on his part. I wanted to die on the spot! We’ve never spoken of it.

    1. Starlike*

      Your boss expected everyone to grab their own entire bottles of condiments to bring to the table? I think that one was on him – typically at those places there are either little cups to put your personal condiments in or you grab one of each bottle you want for the table.

  296. A person*

    I wrote that someone’s pet project was “retardedness”. In an official document that was pulled later on because there was an accident that had to be investigated (completely unrelated to what I was writing about or myself or this other person). But all the logs were pulled.

    Along with my phrasing.

    In a public, official, government document that was pored over time and time again as part of the investigation.

    I am still often an idiot, but that was very, very stupid.

  297. Shelley*

    I work as a cleaner in a boarding school. One day I dropped a bottle of acid limescale remover and the lid flew off and the product went all up my leg, soaking through my trousers to the skin. My immediate boss sent me to shower my legs and gave me a sheet to wrap myself in and said to come to the office when I was done so they could find me some spare trousers and fill in an accident record. When I was done I headed out only to find my bosses’ boss was there unexpectedly. Her only comment was that she could see the pattern of my under wear through the sheet. Oh the hilarity for everyone else. In the end there were no trousers I could wear and I had to wear a netball skirt all day.

  298. Amy*

    At 19, I got my first office job and after very brief training I was allowed to answer the phones. The company was a part of the dotcom boom, we were a very small company (I was employee number four) and we were based at my boss’ house so we had a very casual vibe.

    My boss had gone into the garden to play with the dog/his son one afternoon shortly after I started and told me where he’d be. So when the phone rang, I answered it in my most professional manner and when the caller asked to speak to my boss, I cheerfully replyed that he was unavailable as he was playing in the garden.

    Later it was explained that perhaps I could just say he was away from his desk and offer to take a message.

    Many years later, I realised I was on the autism spectrum and lying isn’t natural to me and I had a huge learning curve working there!

  299. It's been great, but I'm gonna hang up on you now*

    When I first started out as a Junior Associate in a law firm, I attended a meeting with a Very Important Client. My partner was there, as well as a senior associate.
    This was a phone conference and because our client was based in a very different time zone, we’d had a lot of difficulty finding an appropriate time, but on the day, we also had a bunch of tech problems which means we took a while to finally connect on the phone. When they first started speaking, though, it was SO LOUD. We were looking at the phone trying to find the volume, when I thought I saw the solution to our problem. I put my hand out, and, in slow-motion, see myself pressing the speaker phone button and thereby just… Hanging up on our client. While he was mid-sentence. As my senior colleagues froze in shock. Thankfully, they ended up laughing hysterically for a couple minutes as we called the client back. I wasn’t allowed to touch the phones in meetings for a couple weeks after that though!

  300. Metal Librarian*

    My mum used to have a colleague who would typically wear light-coloured shirts to work. One day, he showed up wearing a black shirt and black trousers and my mum, without thinking, commented, “You’re looking very black today!” – forgetting that this was also his ethnicity, and that he was in fact the only black person in the office. Fortunately he knew what she meant and wasn’t offended, but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing for her.

  301. CountryLass*

    Two spring to mind…

    Working as a waitress in a pub, I walked past a lady looking miserable, so in friendly-country-pub fashion I said “surely your day can’t be that bad!” She looked at me and told me her dad had just died that morning…

    And the second was when we were serving Game, so rabbit, guinea fowl etc. I bounced up to the table with the plates, “hi there, who ordered Bugs Bunny?” then spotted the small, traumatised face of a child staring at me…

  302. EmGee*

    The great pumpkin incident: My office was having a fancy Holiday party. I’d worked from home that day, so took the opportunity to get extra glamorous and extra high-heeled before leaving my apartment complex and heading downtown for the event via Taxi.

    There were a lot of big executives that had flown in from headquarters — I was intimidated, but feigned confidence and went to say hi to a colleague (who was talking with the president if the company!)

    She greeted me then looked down at my shoes, puzzled. I did too—apparently in the dark, I’d skewered a decorative mini-pumpkin that had been sitting on our complex’s porch. The impaled pumpkin stubbornly stayed stuck to my heel.

    I was mortified initially but also found it hilarious— I kept it on as an icebreaker for the rest of the event. A few people assumed it was an avant- grade fashion statement (one colleague: “idk, I thought you were going for a Cinderella pumpkin theme.”)

  303. Enescudoh*

    Towards the end of last year, my office was fully remote. A few of my team knew I was starting to date someone else in the organisation. One morning when coming back from her house to work at mine, my train got delayed and I wasn’t going to be back at my desk in time for our team’s morning call. So I ducked into a cafe next door to the train station, where unfortunately they did not turn the music off and there were neon lights everywhere. So when the head of our department asked where I was/why I wasn’t at home, I think I turned the colour of the pink neon sign behind me…

  304. Mike*

    I once went into autopilot mode at work while in the bathroom & thought the air freshener spray was my deodorant at home & gave both pits a nice big spray. It was quite painful & after a while I made sure to tell everyone as a cautionary tale. Now it’s one of my staple embarrassing stories & never fails to get a cringe out of people!

  305. Mitford*

    I may have posted this before, but in college I worked part-time drive-in window bank teller after the branch office had closed. The drive-in window hours were 4:00 to 7:00, and then I had a few minutes to put my cash drawer in the vault and other end-of-shift tasks. I worked alone.

    Well, one day I somehow hit the silent alarm button at my teller station as I was closing up and emerged to find a bunch of police officers in the parking lot because they been called out to potential bank robbery.

    I never heard the end of it from the branch manager. So, to all of you who’ve been mortified, if there wasn’t a police report, did it really count?

    1. JessB*

      Ooof, this is a good one! Thank you for sharing.
      I was just telling a colleague yesterday where our security buttons are, and reassuring them that a false alarm is better than not calling them when you should. But we don’t have police respond!

  306. Thankfully No Financial Whiz*

    At my first job out of college, I had to sit through the most bizarre all-women staff meeting. For several weeks prior, someone repeatedly kept making a mess in the women’s restroom (and by mess, I mean multiple types of body fluids/used feminine products where not making it to their intended areas). I never saw it, but friends said it was BAD.

    One of our accounting team members, we’ll say her name was Shannon, also served as an office manager and had the unfortunate job of being the one to document and manage clean-up after each incident. We were a mid-size organization that only had one women’s restroom, so it became quite the thing. Visitor logs were checked each time, and it was clear that whoever was doing it was a full-time employee.

    So, one day, the CEO called an all-women staff meeting to discuss the issue. About 50 of us squeezed into our biggest conference room, and as the CEO gave a speech about how this obviously isn’t acceptable, she said a phrase that will stick with me until I die:

    “Now, Shannon is a financial whiz, but she should not be cleaning up your whiz!”

    I just…still cannot believe this was a real, serious sentence said in a workplace. Thankfully soon after, a handful of people quit, the restroom fiascos faded away with them, and all returned to normal, so we did not have to sit through additional meetings about our bathroom habits.

  307. littlehope (formerly Blue, there were two of us)*

    I used to work as a pharmacy tech in a community pharmacy, and one of our regular customers was a trans woman who we were supplying with all her post-surgery kit, including industrial quantities of KY jelly. It came in a huge cardboard box, about a foot by eighteen inches. So one day, she came in to pick it up, and I cheerfully plonk this giant box of lube down on the counter and chirp…
    What I *meant* to convey: “Good luck wrangling this big unwieldy box home on the bus!”
    What actually fell out of my cursed mouth: “Have fun with that!”
    We just looked at each other for a moment, and then I literally did a slow disappear under the counter.
    Luckily we knew each other pretty well by this point and she thought it was funny, which is why I’m still here posting this and not hiding behind a luxuriant shame beard in the Outer Hebrides.

  308. Still Cringing*

    When I was in college I was applying to on-campus jobs and got an interview to work at the campus gym. I was reading online advice about interviewing and had read that when they ask for your weakness you should give an honest answer and then describe what you’ve been doing to improve in that area. When they asked that question in my interview I confidently told them that I was “not great at working with other people but am working on it”. Their expressions said it all. I don’t know why I thought this was a good answer. Plus, I do work well with other people! I had some social awkwardness (obviously) in my younger years so I think that’s what I meant?? Obviously, I did not get the job.

  309. Lizzie*

    Not mine, but one I helped to avoid! I was a paralegal for a law firm in my previous job, and we had summer associates. I forget exactly why we were in a meeting with them, but one said something about one of the partners, and then another partner, and how it was nice his daughter worked there too. But it wasn’t his daughter, it was his wife! he was one of the founding, name partners, and had married her, and she was maybe 25+ years younger. He couldn’t thank me enough for letting him know.

  310. Starlike*

    I’m a veterinary social worker, which means I’m the only one in my office who doesn’t wear scrubs. My very first day on the job, I went into a room to counsel a family through their pet’s euthanasia, scooted back onto the stool… and it flew out from under me. My skirts went flying, I landed on the floor, and, well… the family had good humor about it. The thing is, it happened again the second day. In another euthanasia. I decided that reaching between my legs to grab hold of the stool to make sure it was stationary, while not graceful in the least, is vastly preferable to the alternative.

  311. Apple*

    I’m a female engineer working in manufacturing and while in college I interned here at the plant I currently work for. They had interviewed me at my university and already made an offer, but I was invited to come do a tour of the facility prior to making my decision. I arrived, filled out some paperwork, met some bigwigs, and was brought up front for the tour. The tradition was that current interns would give the tour for the incoming prospective interns. I was partnered with a not very talkative, quick paced intern for the tour, and I hurried behind him as he pointed out various machines and processes. The plant is over 500,000 square feet, there was a lot to take in and we walked through several different departments and doors so I was unruffled when he led me into a locker lined passage that he claimed was a shortcut between departments. Halfway through the passage however, it opened into a room of urinals and sinks. He had led me through the men’s bathroom! I stopped in shock but he kept moving and exited the door to the other side so I quickly followed. Luckily the bathroom was empty at the time but several of the floor workers saw me either going in or coming out and reported the incident to their managers. I ended up accepting the position and a month later on my first day I was pulled into HR where the Plant Manager, HR Manager, and the Intern’s Manger proceeded to profusely apologize. This was a small southern conservative town, I was the first female intern in years and they were as mortified as I was. They ended up building a wall in the bathroom so it could no longer be used as a shortcut (much to the dismay of the male floor workers who used the passage). For all three of my intern rotations I caught much (mostly good natured) flack about the incident and the loss of the shortcut. The intern that gave me the tour ended up doing his second rotation while I was there for my first so we ended up working together a bit, eventually started dating, and have now been together going on 6 years. When people ask how we met I tell them I followed him into the men’s room at work. It was embarrassing in the moment, and my shy college-aged-self struggled with the attention about it, but now I look back at it and laugh.

  312. Antares*

    This is more of a “traveling to work” story, but I was on the train, coming up to my stop. I was moving toward the door, and the train lurched. I stumbled and SLAPPED a book out of a random guy’s hands all the way across the train car. He gave me the biggest “What did I do????” look of betrayal. Ope.

  313. JoeyJoeJoe*

    University job in my final year of undergrad. I am in training with two others (1 woman, 1 man) who I don’t recognize (pretty much everyone from my small program did this job, but there wasn’t enough of us so some outsiders are hired too). The woman recognizes me and asks “Were you roommates with Cher in first year?” I was, in fact, roommates with Cher in first year and reply in the affirmative. Mystery woman then asks “What did you think of her?” in a tone that seemed leading me towards the negative. The thing is Cher and I got along well enough because we stayed out of each other’s way. We were from entirely different worlds — she was rich and fashionable and popular with the cool kids. I was none of those things, but had a solid group of friends too so neither of us were in the room all that much. But, I was young and a bit judgey that Cher’s interests (clothes, partying, etc) were beneath mine. So I respond with a shrug and say “We got along well enough. We had different interests and friends. She was friends with peppy girls who seem to only care about clothes and makeup and how they looked like this girl Amber.” To which the mystery woman replied (of course), “Yeah, that’s me.” Amber no longer wore makeup, had changed her hair colour (from platinum blonde to dark brown), and was wearing plain jeans and a hoodie, but after she said it, I definitely saw it was her. I shutup after that and the meeting was….awkward.

    WHY DID I USE AMBER’S NAME?

    WHY DID I USE SOMEONE’S NAME!

  314. RoadRagingLunatic*

    I work for a faith-based nonprofit, and the VP of my department scheduled a team Zoom meeting for us with a local Black pastor to have a serious discussion about race and the church. I was very interested in attending, but it was scheduled during a time I was supposed to be at the hospital for some pre-op tests. I thought I should be able to get through the tests and log on in the car and still hear a good portion of the talk on my way home. Of course, the hospital was running late, and I missed more of the discussion than I wanted. I rushed to my car, plugged in my phone, and logged into the Zoom meeting. I checked to make sure my camera was off so my team members didn’t have to see me driving in the car, but in my haste, neglected to confirm my microphone was muted (yeah, you see where this is going). I have horrible road rage. My brothers are constantly telling me I shouldn’t be the one driving if I want to make a good impression since I’m always yelling at other drivers. So I’m pulling out of the parking lot and am stopped waiting for some other cars to pull out. The car behind me starts honking aggressively. I throw my hands in the air and yell out, “What do you want me to do about it?” That’s when I realize the Zoom call go silent. In the middle of this very serious discussion about race, I shout out for the whole team to hear, “What do you want me to do about it?” The pastor asks my VP what he should do and he tells him to just continue, everything is fine. I was mortified! My VP texted me reminding me to mute my mic, but I was so afraid he was going to yell at me later (and I felt I deserved it), but everyone on the team was really nice about it. One coworker actually texted me to see if I was okay because he said I sounded distressed and my VP ended up just laughing about it with me later and brought it up later in our end of year pandemic debriefing under the topic of embarrassing Zoom meeting gaffes we would like to forget. To this day, my coworkers still like to tease me about it and occasionally, when we’re discussing options for a work project, someone will shout out, “What do you want me to do about it?” I’m thankful my team was able to see it as a simple mistake, but I’m still mortified to this day about it … though not enough to cure my road rage unfortunately … lol.

  315. Panicked*

    Oh, i have a good one. One of my roles as an HR manager is onboarding all our new employees. During onboarding, we have the new hires take an assessment that helps us determine communication styles. This assessment is called the DISC. We print out their DISC profile and attach their picture to it, allowing us to put faces to names and profiles. I had just onboarded a new (male) intern and said “Okay, now I just need a quick dick pic!” I immediately went beet red and quickly corrected “DISC pic. A picture for your DISC.” I now just ask new hires for a selfie.

  316. GigiGoestoLawSchool*

    I used to work in a role that required a lot of travel. I was at the airport with my (older, borderline obnoxious, and male) co-worker. I had used the restroom and we stopped to get a coffee at a kiosk before heading to our gate. As we were leaving, the barista called me back and I innocently assumed she forgot to give me change or something. Oh, no. She proceeded to say, “Miss, your skirt is completely tucked into your underwear! I CANNOT BELIEVE your husband let you walk around like that without saying anything!” And proceeded to glare at my co-worker, who heard and then stared back as I was in the process of disentangling myself. In all honestly, I don’t think he even noticed the skirt issue, so by trying to “help” me she actually made it worse.

  317. Dr. Doctor*

    This just happened today. I was preparing a patient for facial Botox, and cleaning her skin with a small alcohol wipe. Well, it slipped out of my hand and fell. I grabbed at it, only to grab my patient’s right breast (I’m male). Welp! I immediately removed my hand, apologized, and since the pad was still resting on her breast said, “I think I’ll let you grab that for me.”

  318. Salymander*

    I was a teenager, working as a server at a 1980s health food type sandwich and salad place. I had a table with 6 people, and one of them was wearing the most beautiful, luxurious looking cashmere cowl neck sweater dress I have ever seen. It was a lovely pale cream color, and paired with beautiful, chunky opal jewelry and a lovely light colored belt and boots. I commented that the outfit was gorgeous, and the woman chatted to me about it because it was all brand new and she was still really excited about it. She even mentioned her new silk undergarments that were bought especially to go with the dress, maybe so they didn’t show through. I mean, that was more info than I expected, but no big deal. We were having a moment, I guess. She was feeling beautiful, and was really happy and I was happy for her. They ate dinner, then ordered coffee and dessert. Then, disaster struck. I was carrying out a tray with a few lattes and 2 fudge cakes with whipped cream and hot fudge sauce on it, and I arrived at their table only for the busboy to push past me really hard. It was an accident, and he felt terrible and admitted it was his fault because he was running and pushing between tables, but I was still the one who dropped the entire tray of coffee and chocolate cake on top of this poor woman. She was soaking wet, with latte foam in her hair, hot fudge on her earrings, and a huge mess just dripping from her lovely dress and onto her boots. There was a resounding crash when it fell, and broken glass everywhere. People started applauding and laughing. The busboy was wiping me off with his dirty towel and I was frozen for what felt like a million years. That poor woman. She was really angry, but was still polite to me. My boss immediately rushed out to let her know that he was not responsible for paying for her dress or even for having it cleaned. It was mortifying. I made my boss and the busboy leave, and tried to help her clean up. I apologized and tried to give her my contact info so I could pay for cleaning or even pay for the outfit although I was a broke teenager so I would have been paying in installments for years. She was so kind and understanding even while she was angry and embarrassed. She refused to let me pay for anything. I quit that job right after that. I mean, yes people drop things. They don’t usually drop them like that.

    Oh, and if Beautiful Dress Person is out there somewhere? I hope you are well! You were really kind and very forgiving. Many people would have felt justified in taking every penny I had while screaming at me, but you were polite and kind and so understanding. I really appreciate that. It has influenced how I behave to this day.

  319. wine dude*

    Yes I’m in the wine biz and occasionally have to “drag a bag” of samples to restaurants and stores seeking placements for our product. I called just once on a relatively well known wine shop in southern California. Often these visits are “cattle calls” – no appointments – and found myself in a line of fellow bag draggers.

    Finally I was ushered into the buyer’s office, which was full of stacks of wine magazines and other papers, a total firetrap. I barely even have a place to set my bag. Seated in the middle is the buyer, a very large poorly dressed gentleman. He has a bucket between his legs on the floor. I pour him a sample, he takes all of it and does the slurpy swishy wine tasting thing, leans over, and SPEWS it all into the bucket. Lather rinse repeat for each sample. They didn’t take our product, thankfully.

  320. Nanny*

    I nannied a girl named “Georgia”. When Georgia was 2 years old we started going to the pool. I told her my rules – no going in the big pool without me, you must always wear your float suit, etc. I was very blunt about the dangers of the pool.

    One day we were in the big pool. Georgia was wearing her float suit, I was holding her, and we were directly in front of the lifeguard stand. Suddenly she starts hollering “Am I gonna DROWN?! Am I gonna DIE?!” (She wasn’t upset, just dramatic). Oooooh the looks I got from people, like “what did you tell her? Why did you scare that poor baby?”

    When Georgia was 6 years old in summer 2020 we were at the pool. She was swimming around when suddenly I heard her holler “NANNY! NAAANNNY! I just got BIT or STUNG by something! I think it was the coronavirus! I can feel Covid-19 entering my boooooody!” It was a horsefly. We got a LOT of looks for the rest of the day.

    I have no one to blame but myself – I started watching Georgia when she was 2 months old and I am very dramatic/hilarious.

  321. bot herder*

    Late to the party, but two interactions are seared into my brain.

    One was during a second round of interviews where I’d been flown out (at interviewers expense) halfway across the country. I was so nervous, but was acing the technical tests they gave me. And then the interviewer mentioned he liked my work experience because “it means you know what a crescent wrench is.” Well, due to regional dialect, I had never heard of a crescent wrench! I ended up nervously laughing it off, I think. And I got the job, so all’s well that ends well.

    The other is kind of gross, so TW for food sickness. I travel a lot, going alone and with coworkers to help install teapot making equipment all over. Not two months into the job I go to a factory to help a coworker we’ll call Steve. We get a lot done the first day, and Steve gets recommended a restaurant from the teapot supervisor. It wasnt great, but such is life when traveling.

    Next day I get up and feel a little weird. Steve picks me up in the company vehicle and we head out for day two. I feel progressively worse, and eventually asked him to pull over. I was so worried I was going to get sick in a company van! I barely knew him at the time, and the idea of him waiting for me to finish barfing on the side of a highway is absolutely mortifying. I ended up spending the day at the hotel, sick as a dog. And the teapot supervisor wanted a discount at the end of it all since I didn’t work the second day!

  322. Sam Von Schmamm*

    I once sent a text to my soon-to-be husband, thanking him for going above and beyond for something (which I no longer remember what), and offered up a certain sexual favor. Unfortunately, it went to my boss instead. Not only was it mortifying in of itself, he also found great delight is sharing the story and assumptions on my sexual activities with just about anyone who would listen. It took me a long time before I could look him in the eye.

  323. Cedrus Libani*

    The last day of school before Christmas was always a half-day; it was a tradition in my dad’s new office to bring their elementary school-aged kids to work for the second half of the day.

    Relevant: my dad is an extra-large human, and I take after him. I was already 5’10”. Also relevant: the much-reduced personal space bubble between father and pre-teen daughter, while completely innocent in context, would not be read as such if you think the adult-sized human he’s cozied up with is an adult who is definitely not his wife.

    So, my dad is showing me around the office. Some of his co-workers were gathering at the end of the hall; I didn’t think much of it. Then I heard: “No, I’m going to say something. Jim! What are you doing? He has a FAMILY! You can’t just…”

    I turned around to look. The lady was right behind me; she did a cartoon double-take, as did the others watching the show. “You’re not Jim!” Yeah, she thought I was a co-worker, and that the two of us were shamelessly flaunting our affair.

    I was mildly offended…but then, Jim showed up. This was a mistake you could easily make from close range in a well-lit office. Same height, same body type, same hair, even similar outfits. I hope someone explained the situation to poor Jim, but I’m not sure how much that would help: yeah, we’re all staring, but that’s because you look exactly like the new guy’s eleven year old daughter…

    Somehow, that was the last time I went to the office, even though puberty and another growth spurt resolved this specific problem fairly soon afterwards.

  324. HoneyB359*

    Years ago I went on our company’s annual meeting/trip. I was nervous and couldn’t eat much and drank way too many wedding cake martinis. That night we’re all sitting in the hotel bar drinking, and I’m sitting directly next to my grand boss. He started peeling the label on his beer bottle. So I, of course, proceed to ask him ‘You know what it means when you do that right? It means you’re horny.’ While at a table surrounded by my coworkers. My coworker promptly escorted me up to my room where I puked on the floor and passed out, and miraculously woke up the next morning in time for the company meeting. Ah, to be 25 again. Thankfully no one held it against me and I worked there for years after that. But I was mortified for weeks.

  325. Second-hand Story*

    This is not a story of my own mortification, but a male friend’s. He was working at a drug store while in high school in the 1980s or so. A woman shopper approached him to ask where the regular-size sanitary pads were. She was a very large woman, so he said he just blurted out, “Ma’am, I think you need the super.” (The friend had no sisters, so he had no clue that “super” on the package referred to absorption, not sizing.) The shopper looked at him in shock. The mortification came later when he learned more about female physiology. (I do not recall if the woman complained or if the store manager reprimanded him. But he didn’t get fired.)

  326. RxMom*

    I am a retail pharmacist. I usually tell people to call us if they have any questions after getting home with their new medication. After counselling a patient on their new Viagra prescription, I told him to make sure to call us if anything came up.

  327. Windowless Office*

    I attended a virtual group meeting with my boss and coworkers to brainstorm ideas for a webpage. My boss was enthusiastic about us creating videos to introduce ourselves. I tend to think out loud and I instinctively said to myself, “what the hell?!” My boss replied, “what the what?” I went completely silent and I’m not sure my boss realized it was me.

  328. Madame Arcati*

    I’d like to report a near miss. I was young and had not lived in London long. Was with two fairly cockney colleagues and one said, I’m just going out to the shop, either of you want anything? Other colleague said, oh can you get me a currant bun. First colleague duly returned with his own lunch items and…a copy of the Sun newspaper for second colleague to read on his break. It was Cockney rhyming slang. I daily thank providence it was not I who went to the shop because I would have dropped into a bakery and presented colleague with a nice yeasted sweet bread product with dried fruit in. And it would have taken YEARS to live that down. I shudder at the thought!

  329. Lolllee*

    I was having a bad day at my first real office job in my early 20s, and a friend of mine sent me an email at work that said “maybe this will cheer you up” with an attachment. I opened the attachment thinking it was a cute animal picture only to find a full page full frontal nude man on my computer screen. Someone behind me gasped at the same time I did. My manager had come up behind me at the same time I opened the image. I was mortified (this is the mortifying incident by which all others are judged and found wanting), and angry as hell at my friend. While he watched, I sent a reply to my friend chastising her for sending such a pic to me at work, that it wasn’t welcome or funny, and I had only opened it because I thought it was a cute animal pic! Satisfied my boss walked away. A few minutes later, she replies to my chastising email, bery beleviably apologetic, and said she’d attached a picture more to my taste, which, like an idiot, I thought was NOW a cute animal pic. Wrong. It was a fully frontal nude woman. Once again I opened it right as my boss walked up behind me. He saw it, turned around, shaking his head and throwing up both arms, and walked straight to HR. I had to sit through a very mortifying but completely justified training meeting about acceptable use of company computers and company time. After an investigation of my computer use, the company believed my explanation of a funny-but-REALLY-not funny friend gone rouge and didn’t discipline me. They blocked her email and I had to block and report every email after that she created to try to email me at work again. This was a childhood friend with boundary issues who shortly after that was no longer my friend. She got very angry when I explained all her emails would be blocked and why. She tried for months to get another x-rated attachment through to me, but luckily I spotted every new email address. Block. Delete.

    Side story, I accidentally blocked a new customer email thinking it was my “friend”. (This was in the early 2000s and some professional people still had weird personal Hotmail email addresses), and they got frustrated that I wasn’t responding and emailed the CEO directly so I had the add-on mortification of trying to explain why I had blocked their email.

  330. April*

    A few months ago during a quiet night at work I was looking up clothing items for a cosplay. Found a promising listing on poshmark, and meant to email the link (and some notes) to my non-work email.

    Instead I typed into the “to” box on auto-pilot and emailed it to all the people who get my shift reports: my entire department and the heads of multiple other departments, including the director of the whole building.

    When I realized what I’d done I reply-all’ed and apologized, and nobody said anything to me about it, but good lord! At least it was just a link to an ugly paisley blazer (it’s for Lucius from Our Flag Means Death) and not something worse, and everyone knows that my desk has a lot of downtime, so I wouldn’t be in trouble for being on poshmark on the clock.

  331. BCC*

    Mine is known only to me (and now you) but it is nonetheless mortifying. It was my first day of my first college summer internship. I was a varsity athlete and our season wasn’t over yet by the time my internship started. We had early morning practice and it was a rainy day. I packed my outfit neatly and planned to change into my outfit in the locker room before heading to the office. Our practice location was 20 mins closer to the office than my campus dorm. I neglected to pack a fresh pair of underwear. I got soaked through. My planned outfit was a (gorgeous) light blue silk dress. I knew I couldn’t have wet undies below a silk dress. After trying in vain to dry them under the hand air dryer I decided there was only one option, go commando.

    I was very careful thought the day, bending and reaching, and made it through. But I’ll never forget that I was commando for my first day as part of corporate America at the intern training for a Fortune 100.

  332. foolofgrace*

    I left the ladies room not realizing that the hem of my midi-length denim skirt was tucked into my underwear at one place. I’m doubly mortified at admitting this here; why didn’t I look in the mirror, etc. But the fact is I didn’t. The skirt is quite wide at the bottom so it wasn’t as egregious as it could have been and luckily I didn’t pass anyone in the halls on my way back to my work area. A woman there told me and I was so embarrassed but I told myself that in 5 years I wouldn’t even remember this.

  333. Formalism*

    2 coworker (software engineers at a credit union)s and I decided to talk to a nearby bagel shop (I had never been there before). We walk down the road and they p0int out the store, and the entry to the parking log. I say: Why are we walking way over there to get into the parking lot, when we can just cross this grassy area. Sure there’s a bit of water in a ditch, but we can just hop over that!

    They decline to do so, so I tell them, well I will meet you at the storefront then, and walk into the grass. I jump over the small stream of water, and sink into mug up to my waist. I am clawing my way out of the sucking mud and my coworkers start running to me yelling at me asking if they should call 9-11.

    I end up pulling myself out, and my pants are just covered in a black mud that absolutely stinks. After we get our bagels (because, dang it, after that I was getting a freaking bagel), and walk back to the office (the programmers were in a separate building from the main office) and I am trying to figure out what to do. I can’t walk into the main building looking like this to use the showers, and I didn’t have a change of clothes anyway. I had taken a bus to get to work, my commute at the time was 90 minutes by bus.

    I ended up walking around the main building and found a hose, so I hosed off my pants as best I could. This hose was on the side of the building next to a wall almost entirely of glass where tons of very professionally dressed finance people were staring at me.

    I dried off alright, but I definitely smelled like swamp water for the rest of the day.

  334. Nannerdoodle*

    I used to work in a position where we needed to wear uniforms. They were basically navy blue jump suits that would be laundered for us and repaired when necessary. They weren’t the most sturdy uniforms, so seams ripped fairly frequently. It was pretty normal for us to check that there weren’t holes in the uniforms before putting them on, but if someone was in a rush, they wouldn’t check and just hoped a coworker would say something.
    At near the end of one work day, I was squatting down to get something someone had dropped and felt a breeze down below. There was a huge rip in the entire butt seam and through part of the back pocket. I was wearing hot pink cheeky underwear. I asked a coworker and it had been ripped ALL DAY and I just didn’t notice. Every coworker I passed that day saw my underwear.

  335. Curdled!*

    Welp I had to come back to this thread because my mortifying moment happened TODAY. We had a very important shareholder meeting at my office, months in the making, for which I was in charge of arranging catering and coffee. I set out a variety of creamers like half and half, milk, coffee mate, etc….anyway, apparently the half and half single serve containers were CURDLED and no one realized it until one of the VIPs put it in his coffee and there were CHUNKS. I wanted to dieeeeee when the VP came out and told me!

  336. Heqit*

    When I was just starting out in a moderately technical role and trying to increase my tech skills (and therefore potential earning power and respect within the company), I was invited to join the weekly “tech guys” meeting for the first time. I was the only woman and the only person under 40 in the meeting – at the time I was just two years out of college. The meeting was held in someone’s office, with everyone just rolling their chairs in and cramming into the space in a rough circle. I was the last to arrive and tried to scoot my chair forward to close the circle – but the wheels caught on a rug edge, the chair stopped dead, I kept going, and I landed on my ass in the middle of a startled circle of much more senior technical men. They were very nice about it and just checked to make sure I was all right before going on with the meeting, but what a way to make an entrance! I still wake up cringing about it at night 20 years later.

  337. hugme*

    I was in a graduate program and my thesis supervisor was a stoic professor near retirement age. I was standing in the mail room when I saw him on his first day back from vacation. We greeted each other nicely, and he reached out his arm, which I thought meant that he was hugging me. I hugged him back, and then had the crushing realization that he had been reaching for his mailbox.

    He was not the hugging type.

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