where are you now? (a call for updates)

by Alison Green on May 11, 2023

It’s mid-year updates season!

If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now?  (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.)

Your update doesn’t have to be positive or big to be worth submitting. We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting.

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

You may also like:
{ 265 comments }

{ 265 comments… read them below }

  1. Jessica*

    The disappearing manager! The fellow who would go missing for hours at a time during the work day and become unreachable. The letter writer and the boss could be working offsite or away from the office and still inexplicably disappear.

  2. I'm fabulous!*

    – The missing train toy that belonged to the OP’s grandfather;
    – The office worker who lost his sister but was told by a colleague to forgive her killer;
    – The office worker who framed another colleague for a financial problem in order to get away from her abusive husband.

    1. Liz the Snackbrarian*

      Wait. The second one. I don’t know if I’ve seen it. Must find link.

        2. Cj*

          I missed that one too, and would like an update. Mostly to have the OP explain who he actually thought was in the wrong in this case. He talked about co-workers “enabling” the victims family member by dealing with Ayra for him, which sounded to me like he thought the family member was in the wrong for avoiding her.

      1. Hlao-roo*

        “my employee set up a false fraud investigation … because she was being abused and wanted the police” from May 10, 2017. (link in follow-up comment that will take a bit to go thru moderation)

        2. HotSauce*

          Holy Mackerel. What a hideous situation for everyone. I think of all the letters I’ve read here I want a follow up on that one most of all. I’m sorry about what happened to Jane, but she destroyed someone else’s life in the process and that’s just not OK.

          1. Victoria Everglot*

            I want to know if the poor woman was ever able to rebuild her professional reputation (and the whole rest of her life!) “Investigated for fraud” sticks with you no matter how innocent you are, especially since she was being investigated for a long time.

  4. EPLawyer*

    Was literally thinking about this Monday. I thought I would have to try to remember it until November. YAAAY for mid year update season.

    The one with the restaurant that wasn’t going to allow staff to carry Naxolone and was putting blue lights in the bathroom. The staff was all upset about the change. Alison gave some hard truths about the needs of businesses in order to be able to continue to employ said staff. I wonder what happened?

    1. WellRed*

      I’m guessing the pandemic killed off the business which was probably already losing business due to the situation.

      1. Francie Foxglove*

        I’ve been looking at the letters from 2019 and earlier, and wondering how the issues might have been resolved, or if they would have even happened, post-Covid. Like the letters about forced team-building, or “free” vacations at the boss’s behest.

        Actually, I think I can answer that one. The kind of bosses who previously brushed off “I can’t afford the hidden costs of a ‘free’ cruise,” or “My medical condition rules out white-water rafting,” are probably not any more receptive now to “I can’t be around unvaxed people,” or “I’m not cleared to travel out of state.”

      2. Cj*

        The update would probably say that a customer died on the premises because the employees weren’t allowed to carry Narcan, which I sure was really *awesome* for business. (Like Alison, I don’t really have an issue with the rest of the rules).

    3. Don't Do That*

      I remember this one. I think the only policy they implemented that I had an issue with was banning staff from calling an ambulance. If someone ODs, they need an ambulance before they need the cops. I think a policy like that could get someone in deep doo doo depending on where you are located.

      1. jojo*

        If someone has ODd they need an ambulance to remove the dead body if no treatment was provided. That would be real good for business. Customers would stop coming because umpteen people died in the bathroom cuz they would not call an ambulance. We had one of those in home town.

  5. Cookie Monster*

    The LW who’s jerky coworker set his shared calendar info to Arabic so none of them could read it.

    The LW who’s friend at another company intentionally misled him about people he was asking about as references. She told him one person was great, so he hired them, only to find out they’re terrible. The friend lied so she could get rid of them. Then I think she did the opposite to keep a superstar.

    The LW who was accused of being the “keeper of his zipper” of her HR director.

    The LW who’s co-worker “Serena” talked non-stop and the bosses wouldn’t do anything about it.

    I’m sure there are more, I just can’t think of them right now.

      2. Cookie Monster*

        Thanks for providing the links! And oops, haha. Didn’t realize the Serena letter was so recent.

    3. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Yes – would really love to know what is going on with OP and the coworkers who were obsessively crushing on her Boss. That one made my skin crawl just a bit.

    4. 2cents*

      Ooooof the zipper one was baaaaad. Would love to receive an update saying that those two got properly shut down.

  6. Chilipepper Attitude*

    when will I learn to write down the updates I want so I can post them here!!

    1. Cyndi*

      I’m about to spend my lunch scrolling through the “wait, what?” tag to jog my memory.

    2. Irish Teacher*

      I am planning to go back through the categories I enjoy most, because I know there were some I wanted to ask for and can’t remember them now!

  7. Antilles*

    -The office was trying to go “fragrance free” and sent along a document about how you could change your entire personal care products right down to your dryer sheets and deodorant (March 2023).
    -“Halloween Town” (October 2022) – I know it’s out of season now, but would love to hear how that’s going.
    -The offices that were boxed up and photographed for shipping without the employee knowing (August 2022). IIRC there was a lot of speculation in the comments about the company maybe having shady stuff going on with the vague “physical issues with office” and lack of warning/communication.

    1. Observer*

      I really want to know what happened with Halloween town. It was hard to be sympathetic to that LW, but I still do feel bad for them.

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        I felt bad – for the level of misery – but at the same time not for the HalloweenTown employee because they seemed to be the source of a lot of their own misery. They really just needed to find a different job – that one was a really bad match for them.

        1. Dahlia*

          Oh, man, the overreactions in the comments of that one about bat boxes still kills me.

    2. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I’d love to know what’s going on with Halloween Town specifically *because* it’s out of season right now!

  8. Hudson*

    This isn’t an update we can get this year, but I am eagerly waiting for an update on September 27, 2024 from the person who had a vivid dream that their employee would die on September 26, 2024.

      1. Hlao-roo*

        Question 3 in the “boss invited our whole office on a 10-day cruise, I had a disturbing dream about an employee, and more” post from August 24, 2018. (Link in follow-up comment that will need to go thru moderation)

    2. The Eye of Argon*

      I kind of hope we don’t get an update to that one, because it would mean that the LW took Alison’s advice to drop it and get on with their life.

      Yeah, I’m a buzzkill ;)

  9. Former Retail Lifer*

    I’d like an update on Cheap Ass Rolls. I hope they were able to move on.

    1. Keeley Jones, The Independent Woman*

      Yes. I’m very curious 1. If they got over the horrors of Cheap Ass Rolls 2. If they are still at that job.

    2. Peanut Hamper*

      I do believe that was one of the shortest responses Alison has ever written.

  10. Nanette*

    The woman who was criticized for wearing the same dress every day and participating in a hundred-day dress challenge

  11. Bee*

    I want an update on the crazy ex boss who tattled to his former employee’s family and in-laws: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/01/my-ex-boss-threatened-to-contact-my-husband-his-coworkers-and-my-father-in-law-if-i-dont-return-48-of-office-supplies.html

    The p*rnstar Secret Santa gift was wild, and I’d love to hear what OP decided to do: https://www.askamanager.org/2022/01/my-office-secret-santa-gave-me-an-inappropriate-gift.html

    I highly doubt this manager will update because . . . you know . . . but maybe their heart grew three sizes since then and the 2100+ comments helped them realize that their policy was not okay: https://www.askamanager.org/2021/11/my-employee-refuses-to-lie-to-customers-but-thats-our-policy.html

    1. Peanut Hamper*

      I don’t know how I missed that last one, but yes I would LOVE an update. Because it doesn’t seem like LW had a very sustainable business model at all.

    2. HotSauce*

      That one and the manager who refused to honor the Leap Day person’s birthday like everyone else. Sometimes I think about that and laugh at how petty that was.

      2. Reluctant Mezzo*

        That spurred a Harry Potter fanfic plot bunny about the person who got their Hogwarts letter while past forty (eleventh birthday and all that). Haven’t written it yet, it’s in the queue.

    3. Expelliarmus*

      I was just reading the office supplies one, and YES please update! Even if it’s just to say that you never heard anything back

  12. DisneyChannelThis*

    I’d love an update from
    https://www.askamanager.org/2022/09/i-cant-escape-halloween-town.html – Did they ever escape Halloween???

    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/02/my-boss-said-i-have-disconcerting-heart-to-hearts-with-my-coworkers.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/04/everyone-interrupts-me-am-i-somehow-causing-this.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/09/my-office-got-us-turtles-to-take-care-of-and-bring-home-on-weekends.html Where are the turtles now??!

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/my-new-office-has-a-no-humor-policy.html

      1. Hedgehog in a ball*

        Turtles now please!
        (unless the update is sad, and then I prefer my fanfiction)

    2. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Yes – really hoping that the turtles never appeared or were safe and successfully rehomed.

      1. Addison DeWitt*

        My hope is that the LW took it to a shelter, and then expressed surprise on Monday. Where’s my turtle? Has anyone seen my turtle? Must have escaped?

        The danger, of course, is that someone might replace it with theirs…

        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          My only concern is that a lot of shelters just aren’t equipped to handle reptiles, amphibians, and other exotics. They are animals – but have very different needs from cats/dogs.

    3. Slow Gin Lizz*

      WHERE ARE THE TURTLES NOW????? (I also want to know this, in case it wasn’t obvious!)

  13. Kimmy Schmidt*

    An oldie, but I’m so curious about the “no one will hire me as their visionary” letter writer from 2010. I’d like to know what they ended up doing for a living and where their career path has taken them.

    1. ferrina*

      Yes! Did the visionary ever see what was blocking them from attaining their dreams?

  14. Frog Queen*

    I’d love an update from the LW whose sister had a terminal illness and was being harassed by a pregnant coworker. Really hoping there were some repercussions for the coworker…

    1. Hlao-roo*

      There was an update to that one! “updates: pregnant coworker keeps saying awful things to my terminally ill sister, and more” from November 30, 2022.

  15. Emere*

    I Bit My Coworker – There was an update back in 2017 to this but it was sad, it sounded like an incredibly abusive, dysfunctional office. I hope the LW was able to eventually see what was going on and got out of there.

    2. ferrina*

      I’d like an answer to that as well. Even if LW is still there- just want to see if she’s doing well.

    1. Addison DeWitt*

      My mom worked for a famous name brand company (you’ve flown on their jets) and this was SO incredibly common that if someone was recommended for a transfer to your department, the first thing you did was investigate them. There must be some reason they were being moved along to become your problem.

      1. Ex-prof*

        Well that is certainly going to make me less comfortable about flying on their jets.

  18. Rainy*

    I forever and always want to hear more from the manager who wrote in when one of his employees pushed another one into traffic–injuring her!–because the pusher was birdphobic and there was a pigeon on the sidewalk.

    That one always floors me because the manager/LW consistently represented the injured employee as the problem!

    Also “my employee wasn’t respectful enough after the company messed up her paycheck”.

      1. rayray*

        Also want to hear from the manager of the person who didn’t get paid on time. I would like to understand more about their thought process in how they felt about that situation. I just can’t believe they thought that employee was in the wrong simply for being firm that they expected to be paid on time.

        1. Pretty as a Princess*

          Yes! I would love to know if that manager actually woke up and did some reflection.

        2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

          I remember commenting about the number of comments. It was the 11 am post, a chorus of 1000 wtfs by noon.

        3. MassMatt*

          If memory serves, the LW referred to their REPORT’S “inability to manage their finances” when they pointed out they have bills to pay.

  19. Where’s the Orchestra?*

    How about “Intent to Flounce.” I know we got a part way update – but now that the flouncer has hopefully flounced I’d love to know how everything finally settled out.

  20. CH*

    1. The employer who wouldn’t give a PTO day for someone’s birthday (company policy) because it was on Leap Day.
    2. The manager who thought their employee was acting entitled for asking for her paycheck after HR messed it up multiple times. HR let the employee have access to Employee Relief funds and gave her time to bring the reprinted paycheck to the bank – the manager thought this was ludicrous.

    1. The Eye of Argon*

      The Leap Day employer did update and doubled down on defending their idiotic policy.

      And I’ll bet the manager from the second still thinks the employee was being snotty and entitled and Alison (plus everyone in the comments) is wrong.

  21. MEH Squared*

    The guy who worked for a trucking company and his boss offered him thousands of dollars to star in a porn with his coworkers. That was just the tip of the iceberg, and hewanted to know how to cope while trying to get out. Link in reply.

    2. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Oh, how did I forget that one. So hoping the “Reluctant Star” was able to escape.

        1. sg*

          This one haunts me too – but mostly because it seemed to not be taken super seriously in the response or the comments. This was sexual harassments, or at the very least could have been seen that way, and the advice to seek out a lawyer should have been at the very top of it. I hope he’s okay and has had a chance to process all of that – it would have really messed me up…

          1. Expelliarmus*

            Alison’s very first piece of advice was to get a lawyer, and the comments were pretty concerned too! What made you think neither the response nor the comments took it seriously?

  22. Victoria Everglot*

    I know this is too soon, but the recent ones about the dead person’s office and the coworker with severe memory issues are living rent-free in my head. I just so badly want that poor woman to get help!

      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        Because even the OP was writing from a “they won’t accept anyone hired into Jane’s position, or sitting at Jane’s desk.
        AAM had to point out that those titles are part of the problem.

    2. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      I’ve also long wondered what ever happened. I think a lot of comments suggested relocating or breaking up that team……it was a trauma, but you have to eventually heal and move on.

      1. Mister_L*

        I remember when I read that one my first thought was: “At least some of them are hiding something. Send an audit team”. Can’t remember why exactly I thought it at the time.

        I probably read too many spy / detective novels.

  24. The Eye of Argon*

    The recent one about the LW whose coworker’s husband is abusing her :(

    It’s too soon to expect anything this go-around, but I really hope LW and their other coworkers are able to provide some kind of help and support for her.

  25. Morgan Proctor*

    I’d love a continuation of the “I didn’t get a job because I was a bully in high school” saga!

    2. Rainy*

      I have super mixed feelings about this one, because what I hope happened is the most boring outcome possible: that the LW accepted that they’d been the architect of their own destruction and used that as motivation to A) be a better person and B) move on to another career, and they are now making safety videos in a corporate office in Las Vegas and living quietly in the desert being a good person.

      1. Observer*

        That’s very much the kind of thing I’d like to see, too.

        As Alison says in her intro, it doesn’t have to e exciting or dramatic to be interesting and satisfying.

      2. Belle of the Midwest*

        The older I get the bigger a fan I am of “boring outcomes” like the one you outlined here. I truly hope that for this LW, too.

      3. Ex-prof*

        Yes, same; and I’m worried that what really did happen was that LW continued to self-destruct and I really, really would not want to know about that if so.

        1. Ex-prof*

          Now I’ve gone and looked over the original letter and the update, and I’m at a bit of a loss as to how LW could not have known, going in, that her former classmate was a rockstar in this apparently very niche field.

          2. Rainy*

            I think this is also one of those “the tree remembers what the axe forgets” situations. LW didn’t have any reason to think about someone she bullied once they were out of her orbit. Rockstar can’t help but think about the person who bullied her for several years. Maybe her memory would have been jogged by a first-last combination, but I doubt she thinks of the people she bullied every time she hears their first names.

    3. Liz the Snackbrarian*

      Agreed. It sounds like LW was having a bad time but also in need of some personal growth. I hope she’s turned things around.

    4. Jen in OR*

      I would love an update as well. I really felt for this person. I hope she figured some things out and has been able to get out of her own way and onto a happier phase in her life.

  26. Books are great*

    There was a guy who was asking for book suggestions. I want to know what book he chose and why.
    I know really low key, but there were a lot of responses, and I want to know if he selected mine or not.

    1. ferrina*

      I’m curious about this too. There was a lot of interesting suggestions (my reading list grew by a lot!) but only a few that had professional characters. Most professional characters just aren’t as interesting as the ridiculous ones.

  28. Hlao-roo*

    “my career hit a dead end when we moved to a small town” from March 11, 2021

    “our highly-paid, overworked junior staff keep leaving just as we get them fully trained” from October 26, 2021

    “my male colleagues wait for me to set up all our meetings (even meetings I’m not in)” from September 7, 2022

    “Getting my coworkers to stop calling me by a nickname” from September 12, 2022

    1. ferrina*

      Seconding this! I’d forgotten about that one, but it was just so weird. I’d love to know if it was a sign of things to come, or a one-off weirdness (betting on the former)

  30. mb*

    I’d love an update on these:

    My boss keeps commenting on my acne

    a coworker’s child keeps saying insulting and bigoted things to me

  31. update*

    The one with the coworker who self-identifies as “an empath” and cries all the time and the entire workplace (dys)functions around them.

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      YES, that one! The entire team had basically become a cult with the one goal of Do Not Upset Her.

      1. pope suburban*

        Sometimes I think about going into business as a kind of consultant of Not Giving A Shit About These People, because it really does seem like something that’s needed. Just one person to break the pattern and show the rest of the company that no, this is not normal, and no, it doesn’t in fact have to be this way. I understand why people fall into this, they feel like monsters when someone cries or becomes massively upset, but I suppose one of the scant upsides to growing in a volatile home is knowing that it’s more about the person wanting control and wanting to purge their emotions than anything else. Wouldn’t it be nice to make some money off that skill, while making people’s workplaces more bearable?

  32. MyStars*

    Whatever happened to the gaming store that needed to get rid of the manager and his exclusionary friends?

    2. Music With Rocks In*

      There was a short and somewhat unsatisfactory update to the gaming store one, but I’d be interested in hearing if there’s more now that the employee has been officially let go! (links to follow in other comment due to mod queue.)

    4. Hlao-roo*

      There was one update already (“updates: the terrible game store manager, the emotional affair, and more” from December 12, 2022) but I would also like another. Hopefully the bad manager has actually been fired by now.

  33. ferrina*

    The employee that would lie about things he said 30 seconds ago. Did he ever stop lying? Did LW let him go?

  37. goddessoftransitory*

    Honestly, this whole past MONTH–

    Yesterday’s Dwight who wanted friendly advice about not killing patients with misdiagnoses,

    the office of the coworker who died by suicide,
    the background check on a spouse to sell wine at auction,
    the manager of the gay employee at the homophobic company,
    the coworker who said she hated the LW and LW’s boss told her to fix it,
    the teenager whose boss wanted her to go on a weekend retreat that she had to pay for,
    the company that wouldn’t plan for the LW’s retirement,
    the coworker with serious memory issues,
    the team that spent all its time making sure one member didn’t get upset/start crying…

    1. Victoria Everglot*

      omg yes, the background check husband one!!! I NEED to know what the heck is going on there, because that whole situation is fishy AF.

    2. Cyndi*

      There was the question under an open post recently, from a woman whose daughter’s workplace wouldn’t let her work overtime for free, and she thought this was obviously an outrage and the company was being really cruel and unfair to her daughter. I have thought about that DAILY ever since and would love to know how that daughter is doing.

  38. Irish Teacher*

    Some of these have been mentioned already, but I’ll include all anyway.

    – The “I bit my coworker” one. I know it had an update shortly afterwards, but I’d love a second one.
    -It’s really recent, but Dwight the doctor who wanted the LW to phrase “please correctly diagnose your patients” as “friendly advice he could consider” rather than as something he had to do.
    -The “employee who had ‘big britches’ because she needed her paycheque to be correct.”
    -The one where a coworker was having serious memory issues, if it doesn’t breach anybody’s privacy.

    I’m sure I’ll think of more later.

  40. Rena*

    More of a meta question for Alison, but I’m desperately curious about the organization system behind AAM. How do you keep track of all of your received submissions, posted responses, contact info, updates that come in years later, and related posts?

    1. Peanut Hamper*

      Yes, that was a really awful update and I have wondered from time to time how LW is doing now.

  42. Moose ent Skvirrel*

    Always hoping to hear what happened to this person who ghosted their live-in girlfriend and then — karma! — she showed up as his new boss. It’s the one that went viral even outside of AAM. There was an update, but it’s been a while.

    Original post:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2017/12/update-i-didnt-get-a-job-because-i-was-a-bully-in-high-school.html

    And the update:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/update-i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

  43. Sherm*

    I’d like an update from the OP who was a manager at a bakery and really resented the wealthy employee.

    Also, I know there was an update, but I’m curious if there have been any more developments in the saga where the CEO turned out to be the OP’s half-brother.

    1. Hlao-roo*

      Yes, seconding the call for an update from “I resent my employee for being richer and more qualified than me.”

    2. person*

      I showed the update on the latter one to my lawyer brother and he said LW really should have talked to a lawyer before accepting the severance package.

  44. Teri_Anne*

    I am interested in hearing what happened to the employee whose company was firing everyone who refused to donate their liver to the CEO’s brother. A pregnant woman and an employee with a liver disorder were fired even though they had doctors’ notes. The OP was not eligible to donate because he was a cancer survivor.

    1. Dog momma*

      Yes! these too, as well as Dwight, the doctor who’s dangerous. I’m a retired nurse and spent over an hour reading all the comments there.. Have never seen one this bad. Also the
      liver transplant issues. I was an RN reviewer for a major insurance company, and it doesn’t work that way! ( and they all go to the medical director for review, who follow the very specific UNOS criteria, which is nationwide in the US.)

    1. MagicEyes*

      I hope there’s some really bad karma for the people who made and benefited from this decision.

  47. I need coffee before I can make coffee*

    I recently re-read the one about the group of interns that were fired over the petition to change the dress code, and there was one intern who had not signed the petition. I wonder how the rest of that lone person’s internship went, and where they are now. Maybe they’re a reader and can update us?

    1. Lucas*

      Going by the titanium spine needed to be the one person refusing to sign, the absolute confidence involved in knowing that that isn’t a hill to die on, the likely subsequent kudos from the company and status as “our one great intern”, and the total lack of competition for any permanent roles at the end of the internship, I’m going to guess that Lone Intern is probably doing pretty well!

  48. Hlao-roo*

    People who I hope have moved on to better jobs:

    my boss tapes people’s mouths shut during meetings (already had one update, would like another)

    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/02/my-boss-tapes-peoples-mouths-shut-during-meetings.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/update-my-boss-tapes-peoples-mouths-shut-during-meetings.html

    I feel no ambition whatsoever at work

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/i-feel-no-ambition-whatsoever-at-work.html

    Ghosts!:

    my employee sent a memo to management about ghosts in the building

    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/02/my-employee-sent-a-memo-to-management-about-ghosts-in-the-building.html

    my employees ignore my wife

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/my-employees-ignore-my-wife.html

    1. Small team lab worker*

      There was one I can’t find from a new employee whose colleague in another department was throwing her under the bus in a Monday meeting. She needed him to do something for a report by Wednesday so she could complete it and he’d email her at 4:59pm on the Friday (she didn’t work weekends or overtime). She sent a couple of reminders and he’d ignore. In the meeting he’d launch into blaming her and her boss assumed she was in the wrong so would join in.
      I really hope she found a better job but I also hope she learned that when someone is targeting you like that, it’s ok to speak up and explain what’s happening, especially as she had the email record to back her up.

  49. Lady Blerd*

    The leap year birthday letter and follow up have been living rent free in my head for five years now. I need to have another update! This link has both the original letter and the follow-up. Of course I’m willing to wait until Leap day next 2024 for a follow up as well.

    Thttps://www.askamanager.org/2020/02/the-leap-day-employee-finally-gets-her-birthday-off-this-year.html

  50. pengy*

    I’ve been thinking about a theme – return to work.

    For example, this was a “related” post to one today:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/how-can-i-tell-our-boss-well-all-quit-if-we-cant-work-from-home.html

    Would be interested in this update, but I’d also be interested in looking more broadly at all the in office return to work posts we’ve seen. I think there could be a week’s worth of posts on post-pandemic life – how jobs compare from before, during and after – and return to work is but one facet.

    1. Piscera*

      Ditto. Another interesting one was “Am I being pushed out of my job because I’m moving,” 08/18/2021 in Short Answers.

      The OP was getting married and moving to another state, and belatedly learned her employer couldn’t keep her on from the new state. They did offer to make her a contract employee for 6 months after the move, to give her time to find another job in the new state.

  51. Teri_Anne*

    I am also curious what happened to the OP who posted an erotic story that was a thinly disguised fictional account of a coworker’s supposed sex life. Her coworkers found out and made her life miserable. She took a second job, and her new coworkers also found out. She had moved to a small town with her husband which had few job opportunities, and now everyone in her field was aware of the situation.

    How did the OP resolve this situation? Her husband wanted to stay because he needed to care for his aging parents. Did she move without her husband? Or did she find a remote job?

    1. Rainy*

      Oh gosh yes. That was another from the what the heck did I just read category. And the kicker that she’d never ever taken the story down, so it was still just up there waiting to retraumatize the coworker every time someone new heard about it.

    2. Observer*

      Well, it didn’t seem like she had ever discussed this with her husband.

      She sounded miserable, though. I hope she was able to work something out.

    4. Francie Foxglove*

      I just now read that, and what I wonder is, if what LW wrote was so egregious, why keep bringing it up? I mean, it’s not like warning people about a groper or a thief: actions that might be repeated. If I were the subject of the story, I wouldn’t want people talking about it, even in oblique terms and without using my name.

      1. Francie Foxglove*

        To clarify: I’m talking about the true victim, the subject of the story. If I were her, I would want people to keep quiet about it. Harassing the LW/SW would be counter to keeping quiet about it, right? If I were an associate of the victim, I would keep my interaction with LW/SW to the minimum of frosty civility, and if anyone who didn’t already know asked “Why is everyone like that with her?” I would say “She knows what she did.” I agree that LW/SW didn’t seem to be showing true remorse. But what was everyone else trying to accomplish with their hazing?

  53. Cookie Monster*

    Another one I thought of that I’d love to get an update on: I’ve been accidentally dating my boss’ husband

  54. buddleia*

    Vegetarian is excluded from work lunches: https://www.askamanager.org/2022/11/im-missing-out-on-a-lunch-break-because-im-vegetarian-coworker-calls-his-girlfriend-during-projects-and-more.html

    Similarly, LW with celiac disease is excluded: https://www.askamanager.org/2022/11/my-team-excludes-me-from-lunches-because-of-my-dietary-restrictions.html

    Male employees keep vomiting emotionally on me: https://www.askamanager.org/2022/11/my-male-coworkers-keep-vomiting-emotionally-on-me.html

    Coworker teasing me with mascot of animal I’m afraid of: https://www.askamanager.org/2022/10/my-coworker-is-teasing-me-with-a-mascot-of-an-animal-im-scared-of.html

  56. anon24*

    This headline almost gave me a heart attack. I forgot about mid year updates, and since time has no meaning ever since 2020 I legit thought “oh my god it’s November already and I barely remember the second half of this year” for a split second before I realized that it is definitely still only May.

    I think I need a nap…

  57. LilPinkSock*

    Whatever happened to the Etsy retailer who was angry about her employee not lying about their customer “service” policy?

  58. Caviar Sandwich*

    I’d like to hear updates from people who wrote on behalf of their children. Those questions often strike me as particular to a specific moment in the parent/child emotional dynamic, so I wonder how time passing affects things… For instance, did the daughter with two music degrees ultimately find a job, and in what field? Has the mother’s emotions around her daughter’s career changed, over the years?

      1. Anon chick*

        I have been wondering about that one. I hope they are doing well! and hopefully got another job, or maybe the manager left.

  60. Observer*

    I want an update on the one whose “green” bosses were trying to make them give up their specially modified car that they absolutely needed for their disabled family members.

    The one where someone needs to drive with the nephew of the owner, but the nephew is a terrible driver.
    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/07/my-coworker-is-a-terrible-driver-and-i-have-to-ride-with-him-on-work-trips.html

    The one where the LW got stuck with someone who got drunk when they went to a job fair, then drove them home very dangerously as well.

    The LW who got removed from a trip because she’s a woman
    https://www.askamanager.org/2022/05/my-boss-removed-me-from-a-work-trip-because-im-a-woman.html

    The one whose coworker was making incredibly inappropriate comments which tended to be ageist and / or sexist.
    https://www.askamanager.org/2023/03/my-younger-coworker-keeps-making-ageist-comments-to-me.html

  62. Dovasary Balitang*

    Probably a long shot, but I’d love to hear from Actual Leap Year Birthday Employee, not their bizarrely stringent and pedantic manager.

    2. Irish Teacher*

      Oh yes, I second the one about the bias against women’s colleges. I really couldn’t tell from the post whether she realised her feelings were completely irrational and wanted to know how to overcome them or if she honestly thought choosing a women’s college was a bad choice and wanted to know if it was fair to blame people for that, as they were quite young making the decision.

      Either way, I’d like to hear she’s gotten over the bias.

  66. Liz the Snackbrarian*

    How about My Husband is My Boss and We’re Getting a Divorce? I hope LW landed in a better situation.

    3. Moose ent Skvirrel*

      The OP apparently posted in the comments to that one, as “Oblivious OP.” I don’t know how to link to his particular comment but maybe you can search for it.

  69. Sunshine*

    It’s been a long time and there have already been a few updates, but I still think about the employee from “I had a one-night fling with my new boss’s then-husband.” I hope she was eventually able to rebuild her life. Unless I missed one, the updates were a little sad!

  70. Effing Mono?!?!*

    Ooooh I really want to hear how bringing the kid with mono and strep to BYCTW day went

    1. Hlao-roo*

      The letter writer updated in the comments under the username “LW2 – sick kid.” The upshot is: LW is unsure if Karen brought her mono and strep infected child, but someone was sick because there was a huge norovirus outbreak at the company.

  71. Cj*

    Somehow I missed a lot of these the first time around, and am grateful to the commentors who included links to the original columns.

    I was amused at how many of them used names from Game of Thrones, which I never watched, and at wondered when I started reading AAM in 2018 where all of these strange names were coming from.

  72. Anne Shirley*

    I wouldn’t mind a second update from that small business owner who was given the “it’s me or her” ultimatum by their employee who had done them personal favours. They seemed to have understood that they had some learning to do. Maybe it’s too soon to know how things turned out for them after all that but I hope they did/do manage to find some success eventually.

  73. Nessa*

    An update on the office who had a coworker die, and then everyone else has driven off anyone they’ve hired to replace her.

  76. Pocket Mouse*

    https://www.askamanager.org/2014/04/our-museum-volunteer-is-out-of-control.html
    The last update was in 2017- did they ever get the collection back?!

    https://www.askamanager.org/2015/07/im-an-intern-managing-8-people.html
    I hope this person has had a fantastic career since.

    https://www.askamanager.org/2016/04/my-great-employee-is-upset-that-hes-not-getting-a-bonus-for-going-above-and-beyond.html
    Especially in the current context of so-called “quiet quitting”.

    https://www.askamanager.org/2019/10/i-burned-a-bridge-in-a-spectacular-way-how-do-i-deal-with-everyone-talking-about-it.html
    Has it impacted their professional life since?

    https://www.askamanager.org/2013/08/my-employer-wants-me-to-remove-a-sticker-from-my-truck-over-sharing-anxieties-and-more.html
    The truck sticker- I’m not sure I want to know, but I want to know.

    https://www.askamanager.org/2022/06/company-will-offer-paternity-leave-but-not-maternity-leave-intern-makes-nearly-as-much-as-me-and-more.html
    Did they ever get clarity on the paternity leave policy?

    https://www.askamanager.org/2015/11/my-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life.html
    I really hope this person is doing well.

    https://www.askamanager.org/2016/09/coworker-keeps-making-gross-bathroom-joke-manager-took-pay-cut-to-protect-our-bonuses-and-more.html
    OP said taking the time off for their own wedding may impact them professionally long-term.

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/a-vp-wants-me-to-out-myself-at-work-and-wont-take-no-for-an-answer.html
    What happened next?!

    https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/my-new-coworker-is-putting-fake-mistakes-in-my-work-so-she-can-tell-our-boss-im-bad-at-my-job.html
    Maybe too early for an update, but here’s hoping…

  77. Slinky*

    Yay update season! A few from this year that I’d like to see updates to:

    Employee blows up my phone with memes and videos: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/01/my-employee-blows-up-my-phone-with-memes-and-videos-even-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-refuses-to-stop.html

    The student who was being asked to buy breakfast for their team every month: #1 at https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/i-cant-afford-to-buy-breakfast-for-my-team-should-you-always-ask-about-a-gap-on-someones-resume-and-more.html

    How do we fire someone who refuses to talk to us: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/insensitive-diversity-day-how-to-fire-someone-who-refuses-to-talk-to-us-and-more.html

  80. Raeder*

    don’t know if it’s just way too long ago to get back I’m touch with him but I’ve long wondered whatever became of the frustrated would-be visionary kid from ages ago.

    2. anonymous 5*

      I can’t help feeling that he’s now trying to hawk “networking” T-shirts that the wearer customizes with a Sharpie…

  83. WoodswomanWrites*

    I’d like an update from the letter writer who discovered a co-worker was planting mistakes in her work after the fact:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/my-new-coworker-is-putting-fake-mistakes-in-my-work-so-she-can-tell-our-boss-im-bad-at-my-job.html

    Also, I’d like updates from any letters that reference something weird going on that required investigations, either ones the writers mentioned themselves or that Alison advised them to initiate. I’d love to hear the outcomes of those investigations.

  84. Bill and Heather's Excellent Adventure*

    Apologies if this has already been mentioned but I’d really love an update from the manager who found our her direct report and their team had been bullying every single person who’d tried to take over the job of someone who’d unfortunately died in a traffic collision right outside the office. I still reread that one and wonder how it all turned out…

  86. Always Bring Pickles to a Potluck*

    I want continued updates on the retired employee who started volunteering with a coworker’s aunt and then started dating her. Best update ever, and I want more!

  89. Will's mom*

    I still want an update on the guy who was contemplating suicide because he could not find a job that he went to school for. He was working a low paying job, retail or fast food, I think. it really hit me as that is exactly what happened with my son. Much to my sorrow, my son did commit suicide. I’ve prayed many times for that letter writer.

  91. recovering admissions counselor*

    There was a letter last year from an OP who accidentally started a rumor that her coworker had gotten a promotion because they were sleeping with the VP, when what they meant was that it was their soft skills and/or appearance. I’m wondering if they were able to resolve that!

  95. Jennifer Strange*

    Is it too soon to ask for an update from today’s letter about the networking T-shirts?

  97. Rose*

    I’d be interested in an update from the person who was asked to sign a 40-page document including an oath of complete loyalty. Did coworkers just sign it without pushing back? Did the LW?

Comments are closed.