the abundant shrimp, the resentful Oreos, and other stories of holiday madness at work by Alison Green on December 20, 2023 Here are 18 of my favorite stories you shared about holidays at work over the past month. 1. The affair “I wasn’t at this particular outing, but a married ex-team member who had moved to a new team just before Christmas had been invited with his new team on their Christmas outing. The ex-team member described in detail to his friend (in our very public shared tea room) that he had got off with a member of his new team at the Christmas outing. Afterwards he realized that his new manager had witnessed his indiscretion and he decided that the best thing to do was send a meeting request to his manager and coworker to discuss ‘their situation.’ He could not understand why both had quietly declined the meeting. He then ranted about how his manager had quietly informed him that consensual relationships between peers were none of her business, but if either employee had concerns they needed to be raised through the proper channels. As the icing on the cake, he ended by giving a detailed account of how he had phoned his mom to ask if he should tell his wife about the affair and that they had decided together that it would only hurt her feelings. He has since left the company, citing that his new team had had an odd atmosphere.” 2. The erotica “We did a white elephant gift exchange at my old job, and I always kind of resented being roped into these things. So when it became clear everyone had to take part I took a look around my house for something I could regift. I found a nice hardcover book that I had bought based on the description but didn’t like the writing style of so I only read a chapter or two and stopped. I wrapped it up nice and brought it to the gift exchange. When one of coworkers ended up opening it, her eyes bugged a bit and she blurted out, ‘Someone brought porn.’ Everyone laughed it off, and apparently the book was part of a series of erotica and I had no idea when I brought it around. Suffice to say, I kept my lips sealed about being the one who brought it and no one ever brought it up again.” 3. The oysters “Before I was married to my husband, he worked for a small law firm and the owner/equity partner threw a lovely holiday party at one of the many clubs he belonged to. The man went all out every year! Seriously: think open top-shelf bar, gigantic surf and turf entrees, multiple passed apps for a party of maybe 10-15 people. One year he decided to offer a raw bar. I was excited, since I love oysters and shrimp cocktail, but was prepared for enough to feed the small gathering. When we arrived, there was a large table with an abundant display of all sorts of oysters, clams, crab, shrimp, lobster, etc. … with all of the accoutrements. Out of a party of 12, only three of us enjoyed anything on the table other than shrimp. So I posted up next to the table with another spouse – one of the only people who would eat anything off the table – and ate literally between 80 and 100 oysters. It was over the course of a few hours, but from then on, I was known as the girl who ate 100 oysters. I will never again experience a night of 100 oysters (and about 5 gin gimlets) because shortly after the party, the firm closed as the owner decided to retire.” 4. The tea bag “Secret Santa at OldJob last year. Resident odd bird coworker drew me. We give a list of three inexpensive things we’d like. I listed socks and tea. He gave me a tea bag. One. From our office kitchen.” 5. The revenge “A coworker at a place I used to work at got fired shortly before Christmas. On the day of the holiday party, while all the remaining employees were at the restaurant, she snuck into the office and glued all the mugs in the break room to the floor.” 6. The surprise “In a previous life/career, I worked in a regional office in Texas supporting salespeople in seven southern/southwestern states. One year, our region had an in-person sales meeting that coincided with the holiday season, so our manager thought it would be a good idea for the salespeople (all from out of town/state) to mix and mingle with our office staff socially at a well-known Texas chain restaurant. Plus-ones were encouraged for our office staff, though of course our sales folks did not have their spouses or SOs with them. Of the five office staff, three of us brought our known significant others, one person came solo, and our office assistant, T., who I loved dearly and who was also a little rough around the edges, brought a person none of us had ever met and who looked like he had literally time traveled in from Lonesome Dove or was the long-lost brother of Sam Elliott, complete with cowboy hat and duster coat. He spoke zero words to anyone. An hour or two into the event, I found myself sitting with my spouse and a couple of our sales folks, all of us a few beverages in, and someone finally asked, ‘So, T, who’s this?’ because it was getting awkward that this one individual was such a mystery to us all, and there were only about 20 people there total! T calmly replied, ‘Oh him? he’s my f–kbuddy.’ My spouse and I still quote this memorable gem of an introduction.” 7. The leftover party “Over 30 years ago, when I was 23 and my brother was 18, we managed a fast food chicken restaurant together. There was a third manager, who was in-between us in the management hierarchy, and he was also 23, and we (and many of our employees) were all very close. My fiance at the time also worked there. The last Christmas we all worked together before the store was sold to a new owner, my brother and the third manager decided to have an after hours in-store Christmas party for everyone. Me being a ‘responsible’ head manager, I decided not to attend, as well as my fiance, since we had to open the store the next day. This was a mistake. When we pulled into the parking lot the next morning, the first thing we noticed was entire bags of flour had been broken open on the side street to the restaurant, and intermingled with this were smashed vanilla and chocolate pudding cups. All product from inside the restaurant, clearly labeled as such. Now I was dreading what I would see inside the restaurant. To my surprise, everything seemed normal, but as it turns out, I was very wrong about that. We cleaned up the mess on the street as best we could, and got to work, including our cook for that day, who had been at the party the night before. 11 am, and the first customer comes in. He walks up to the register where I am to take his order, and is staring at the menu board behind me. I see this look come over his face, and I know there is something behind me on that menu board that I absolutely do not want to see. He says to me, ‘What IS that?!’ and points. I slowly turn around, and am confronted with a handwritten sign taped to the menu board with some very inappropriate language/drawings on it, and propped up next to it on the ledge of the menu board is a marijuana pipe. I can also clearly hear our cook laughing his ass off in the back of the restaurant. As I am frantically thinking of a response to give the customer, he suddenly points under the packing table, which is below the menu board, and he says, ‘And what IS all that?!’ When I shift my focus downwards, I can see a variety of empty beer cans on the floor under the table. So I did what anyone in a panic would do, and yelled, ‘Oh my God! Someone broke into the store last night! Call the police!’ My fiance pretended to do so, while I got the customer taken care of quickly, and then I had the cook who had been at the party go around and find everything that had been strategically planted around the store to ‘surprise’ me. Needless to say, I had a stern discussion with my brother and the third manager when they came in later that day, where somehow they felt I was the one at fault for this debacle for not finding all of their “hilarious surprises” before letting customers in.” 8. The trash cans “I used to work for a very large company that decided to go all-out for the holiday party one year. They rented out part of the convention center to accommodate the several thousand people that would be attending. Open bar, live entertainment performing, ice sculptures everywhere and they had decked out the inside. Everyone was impressed at the food, including several choices of different cuts of steak, jumbo shrimp, etc. But they barely had any tables. Several others (including an executive) and I ended up hovering over a TRASH CAN to eat because we could set our drinks on the wide rim. We then proceeded to eat our steak by picking it up with our fingers and gnawing off bites, because there was no way we could use a knife! AND THERE WAS A LINE TO TAKE THE NEXT OPEN PLACE AT THE TRASH CAN WHEN SOMEONE FINISHED!” 9. The new hire “In the early 2000s, I worked for a fruit-named tech company that was notorious for its massive holiday parties. They weren’t even parties – they were damned blow-outs. I had just started with said company the last week of November as a receptionist, and because I was in a particular building with a particular group, I received the all-team invite to the holiday party. Not realizing I wasn’t supposed to be invited, I RSVP’d in the affirmative and added my husband as my plus one. Showed up at this monstrously huge party at a massive warehouse in the city that had been decked out from top to bottom. Event organizers at the check in table couldn’t find my name anywhere on the list, but I had a screenshot of my RSVP on my phone, so they let me in after 15 minutes of negotiations. My husband was horrified. Once inside, I had never seen more stations with entrees, desserts, appetizers, a candy bar, a s’mores table, chocolate and cheese fondue stations – it was insane. Roving magicians, caricature artists, a live band, and flower displays that cost more than I’d make in a year. Hundreds of people were there, and I knew none of them since I was so new. After a plate of shrimp and a lemon drop martini that made my teeth numb, the band was on a break. I marched behind the stage, introduced myself with a nom de plume and announced that I was a backup singer with a local band and I wanted to sing backup with them. (Note: I wasn’t a backup singer for ANYONE and I knew very few song lyrics from start to finish. My bad.) Lead singer is charmed and says yes, we’d love to have you join us in our second set. Pick a song you’d like and we’ll invite you up when it’s time. I decided in my partially inebriated state that Pink’s ‘Raise Your Glass’ fit the bill, and when the band was getting ready to sing it, they called me onto the stage and handed me a microphone. I had maybe heard the song ten times in my life, and I really didn’t know any of the lyrics, but when they started playing, I bounced around the stage like I was at the Grammys. The lead singer kept trying to get me to join in, and I kept deferring until we got to the two parts I knew. The first is when the song says, ‘Can’t stop, comin’ in hot, I should be locked up right on the spot, It’s so on right now (so fuckin’ on right now),’ and I fully shrieked that last line into the mic while doing a David Lee Roth-esque head-banging motion. The lead singer was wide-eyed but kept on singing until we got to the next part I knew, which is where Pink seems to raise her glass, spill it, and say, ‘Oh, fuuuuck!’ And of course, I sang that last part like IT WAS MY JOB. After the song ended, I received a ton of applause from the partygoers and a few, ‘And who are you again?’ questions which I pretended to not hear. When I returned to my reception seat in the building on Monday, I received a few double-takes and overheard some, ‘Oh, that’s her’ comments in the restroom. Considering I can’t really carry a tune in a bucket, it sure was fun to pretend – for one night – that I could.” 10. The overshare “Long ago there was a party where everyone had to post a fact about themselves and you had to match the coworker to the fact. One posted a fact about their kinks, which, while perfectly acceptable as a kink, still did not belong at work.” 11. The schnitzel “My old company holiday schedule would be a Thursday-Friday event of a Thursday team-building/workshops, Friday lunch at a German restaurant with open bar, and then Friday evening at the boss’ home. In between the lunch and off-site evening party, people would walk next door to another local bar to pre-game before going to the boss’ fully boozed out party. A sober driver would drive the drunk folks to the boss’ home in the quiet suburbs and they would continue til 2-3 am in the morning. One year, a poor soul (Steve) passed out in the car on the way to the boss’ home and so the driver left him in the car to sleep it off. When people went to check on him, he was gone, but then found passed out in a neighbor’s yard. They woke him up, he barfed all over the neighbor’s lawn and said, ‘Ughhhhh there goes my schnitzel.’ He promptly went into the boss’ home and started drinking anew. That was the final year the boss hosted a party at their home.” 12. The abundant shrimp “I had just started a new job at a nonprofit, but since the position was a lateral move, my manager trusted me to keep things in order while she attended a wedding out of country. Part of my responsibilities was to throw a holiday party for our board of directors that would immediately follow the December board meeting. Since the staff was required to attend the meetings, many would join the party to say hello to the trustees they worked with the closest. My job, as the development person, was to throw the party. I had been on the job for about two weeks at this point, and wanted to ensure that the party was excellent. I had been given a budget of about $100, and had decided to use some of my own things to spruce the event up. Since I bake a metric ton of cookies every holiday, I used my cookies instead of store made. Things like that. I even brought in some of my holiday bowls and pine arrangements. The day of the party, one of the senior staff pulled me aside in the lobby to ask what the menu was. I listed everything off, thinking it was substantial for the meager budget to feed around 50 people. She had a fit in front of several guests and screamed at me for not providing ‘abundant shrimp.’ She stamped her foot and paced around, exclaiming how utterly embarrassing the menu of gourmet meats and cheeses, homemade hot spinach dip, hummus and feta spreads, and homemade cookies and citrus salad was. I later learned at one time the board had the entire event catered, and there was a larger and richer spread but that it had been over a decade since that had happened. In the end, no one complained about the menu, although throughout the event my colleague pointed out that there wasn’t any shrimp.” 13. The cheesecakes “My husband’s former employer threw great holiday parties. Excellent food and entertainment. They also provided gift bags for all the guests which were typically distributed as you were leaving. The bags differed a little each year but usually included things like a Amex gift card, bottle of wine or sparkling cider, pair of movie tickets, etc. One year the bags included a gift certificate to a local bakery known for their cheesecake. That particular year, the bags were already available at each place setting and tables were assigned for a sit-down dinner. (In previous years, things were served buffet style and you sat wherever you want.) There was a DJ who was spinning tunes after dinner. Most people were either dancing or mingling around – except for one of my husband’s coworkers, ‘Larry,’ who had a well-earned reputation as a cheapskate. After consuming a multitude of adult beverages, Larry was stumbling around and rummaging through unattended gift bags. My husband’s boss eventually saw what was going on and confronted Larry. Larry had pilfered about 40 cheesecake bakery gift certificates and about an equal number of Amex gift cards. His excuse? His daughter was getting married the following summer and he figured he could use the gift cards to pay for wedding expenses and insist his daughter serve cheesecake for dessert at her wedding. Boss took the gift cards and certificates from Larry, called him a cab, and sent him home. There was a company-wide email that went out Monday morning telling employees what had been in in the bags and if anything was missing to please contact HR to have the items replaced. The following year the company went back to handing out gift bags as you were leaving.” 14. The cookies “When I was fresh out of college, I worked in a government office that was cuckoo for Christmas: a secret Santa ornament exchange, a big holiday party, a ladies-only holiday party (???), and cookie day. Legend day has it that in past years, the office had several women who loved to bake and got a real kick out of making one million (metaphorically, but close enough) cookies, then spending a lunch break piling them into huge gift platters and distributing them to all the other departments. Although these women had all since retired, the tradition had continued and I received an email requesting I bring in TEN BATCHES of cookies for cookie day. This email only went out to the women in the office, and this industry at the time skewed heavily towards men so that was maybe 20% of the office. I actually love to bake, but gritted my teeth a little over the sexism of only asking the women. Even more concerning was the cost – I’d only been working full time for 3 months and December was coming in expensive, 10 batches was going to be a stretch. But the email reminders were increasingly filled with pressure to participate, reminders to ‘clear your weekend!’ to bake cookies. It was a brand spanking new job, my first full time one ever, so I decided I could afford to make six batches and if anybody had the nerve to hassle me about it further they could take it up with payroll. Cookie day rolled around and it turned out I wasn’t the only one resentful of being strong-armed to ‘bake all weekend’ for strangers in other departments. My coworker walked in late while everybody (every woman, anyways) was already plating, didn’t say a word and dropped one lone box of Oreos on the table. And I mean DROPPED, from a foot or more above the table so it landed with a thud that got everybody’s attention. Then she turned on her heel and left. It’s been 15 years and I have never seen another action as perfectly, beautifully passive aggressive. It still makes me laugh 15 years later.” 15. The stud “On a company holiday party on a boat, my coworker got rather drunk, though a happy drunk. At one point, she pulled me aside and very earnestly told me that my boyfriend was ‘a stud’ and to let her know when I was ‘done with him.’ I kept myself together until we got off the boat and I could tell my boyfriend the story and laugh hysterically. I then called him ‘Stud’ for about two weeks.” 16. The tree tour “During Covid, our director decided the way to have a Christmas ‘party’ was to Zoom it. So we did. I began drinking early in the evening, because, hey – I’m already home and it seemed like a dumb idea anyway. Our director is kind of wacky so that is why I stayed on Zoom as long as I did, hoping, I don’t know, to hear something … unique? Profound?? I had planned to shut it down early if everyone broke out into singing carols (because this group would do just that) or if it got too boring. While waiting for ‘the profound moment,’ I apparently thought it was boring enough to have SEVERAL adult beverages. At some point as everyone is chatting about the upcoming season or next year’s events, I took my laptop and staggered into the living room to show everyone my Christmas tree decorated with nuthin’ but penguins. No one had asked to see my tree. No one commented, no one said a word. Found out later my Zoom adventure consisted of 20 minutes of me showing my tummy to a room of 60+ people (staff and board of directors).” 17. The gift list “For Christmas one year, my former boss gave me a book that she had previously borrowed from me. She wrapped it and everything. She acknowledged that she had borrowed the book from me, it wasn’t like she forgot where she got it and thought it was something I might like. This was the same year she emailed me with her entire personal Christmas list and made sure to tell me to email her mom letting her know what I had gotten so that she didn’t get the same gift twice. This was a woman in her 40s, not a teenager.” 18. The neg “First semester of my tiny PhD program, there was a reception at the end of the day for Thanksgiving, where students and faculty could mingle and get to know each other. I had only met the rest of the folks at corridors etc, hadn’t really had a chance to get to know anyone. I had a long day of classes, missed all my meals (figuring I could eat at the reception), but once I made my way to the reception, I found that all food was already finished. Being utterly famished, I started drinking. Surprise, surprise, it was not a smart idea. I had about three drinks when my department chair approached me, and told me reassuringly that I can retake my picture on the department website if I want (it was a terrible picture). I went on a 10-minute spiel about how I can never take a good picture, how filters never work for me, etc. etc. The man escaped with his life. Then, I started mercilessly teasing a male grad student whom I had just met, about his name, again, in what I thought was in good spirits (his name is absolutely commonplace, not sure what I found so funny in my drunkenness). Poor man volunteered to drop me home, all the while me giggling at him. I thought the evening had been a roaring success, until a few hours later when the alcohol started wearing off. My roommate had the privilege of watching me have a realtime breakdown as I realized more and more things about how the evening had gone. Thankfully after that I always stuck to at most one glass at uni parties, and the other grad students were nice enough to let me live it down. An upshot of this was I befriended the male grad student and eventually started dating him, figuring that if he kept talking to me after that debacle, the man is a treasure. Unfortunately, this doesn’t even break the list of top ten most embarrassing things I have done in front of him. We are still dating, who knows what the future will bring :)” You may also like:my boss was furious that I went to a work party after calling out sickI got in trouble for not going to the holiday party, and moreeveryone wants to know why I’m not eating at office food events, telling people they can't bring a plus-one to the… { 194 comments }
Sloanicota* December 20, 2023 at 2:47 pm Lotta seafood in the stories this year. Too much seafood, too little seafood. It’s like the feast of the seven fishes here in the comments section.
FricketyFrack* December 20, 2023 at 3:43 pm If the AAM Thanksgiving people do a repeat, they’re going to have to somehow figure out how to simultaneously have too much shrimp and not enough shrimp!
goddessoftransitory* December 20, 2023 at 9:39 pm It’s like a Zen koan! “What is too much shrimp and not enough shrimp?”
Rainy* December 20, 2023 at 4:14 pm Yeah, I read through these and was like, holy carp, lotta shrimp stories! I’m allergic to shrimp and spiny lobster (if it’s cheap and says lobster, not “Maine lobster”, it’s spiny lobster) and the thought of a giant seafood tower with everything touching everything else makes me want to hold my epi-pen for comfort. :P
Pencildragon* December 20, 2023 at 6:45 pm my favorite is that the “abundance of shrimp” headline goes with a story that actually contains no shrimp! And the story with a huge abundance of seafood is an entirely different one!
Foxy Hedgehog* December 20, 2023 at 2:50 pm OK, “there goes my schnitzel” is a great line that I will have to use some time.
MEH Squared* December 20, 2023 at 3:30 pm Now I’m singing that to ‘There goes my hero” from Foo Fighters. I’m not mad about it!
FricketyFrack* December 20, 2023 at 3:39 pm A German-style brewery just opened their giant new brewpub right down the street from me and I feel like it’s only a matter of time before someone loses their schnitzel (or their currywurst, but that doesn’t have quite the same ring). I’m suddenly a lot more interested in going there.
Sally Rhubarb* December 20, 2023 at 2:52 pm #14 reminds me of when I had to make 100+ portions of a dessert for a work bake off so I spent the weekend making 5 pounds of fudge. Then the day before the contest, it was announced that it was csncel
Sally Rhubarb* December 20, 2023 at 2:53 pm Sorry fat thumbs. It was cancelled because who wants to make 100 portions of anything for free? Don’t work there anymore but yeesh.
Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.* December 20, 2023 at 3:46 pm But in other news, you had 5 lbs of fudge all to yourself? (Dreaming of 5lbs of fudge to myself.)
Generic Name* December 20, 2023 at 4:11 pm In response did you have a 4-hour-long meltdown and get HR permission to eat bake-off food but not contribute anything? Seriously, I would have been so pissed! Good thing they cancelled, but they should have done it sooner.
Sally Rhubarb* December 20, 2023 at 4:38 pm I got first prize and a Target gift card because I still brought some in haha
NoIWontFixYourComputer* December 21, 2023 at 12:49 am #14 reminds me of when I was a kid. My two sisters and I volunteered my mother for 3 dozen Chanukah cookies for each of our hebrew school classes (we were all in different grades) on short notice. Mom grumbled but made them. We were then informed that from now on, we would be volunteering to bring paper plates and napkins to any and all school functions.
Dasein9 (he/him)* December 21, 2023 at 1:48 pm Informed by your mother, I presume, but I snorted at the idea that the school said it.
Elizabeth West* December 21, 2023 at 8:53 am Ugh, that sucks. One of the best life hacks I’ve ever adopted is to not do things for work on my off hours. Thank you, toxic OldExJob.
Dust Bunny* December 20, 2023 at 2:58 pm #1 I mean, the atmosphere *was* odd, but it was because of that guy.
goddessoftransitory* December 20, 2023 at 9:41 pm Right? I have a feeling this guy’s atmosphere follows him around a lot.
Katherine* December 20, 2023 at 11:26 pm Yeah, he seems to have been hoping his affair would be a bigger scandal than it was.
Magenta Sky* December 20, 2023 at 2:58 pm I was just reading a news story about a hospital that gave its employees a Christmas bonus of . . . a baked potato. (And deducted income tax for the value of it from their next check.)
Magenta Sky* December 20, 2023 at 3:08 pm And next week, we’ll see a letter from the director wondering wny all his nurses quit.
Phony Genius* December 20, 2023 at 3:04 pm True: https://nypost.com/2023/12/19/lifestyle/woman-gets-hospital-potato-from-work-as-christmas-bonus-has-to-pay-tax-on-it/ I thought that a gift of little value (in this case $15) does not have to be reported, even if i’s from the employer. At least in the U.S. Am I correct, and does anybody know any country that would tax this?
Yossariana* December 20, 2023 at 3:21 pm Yes, apparently it was a baked potato bar (like a buffet), but still, that’s more like a holiday team luncheon, not something that should qualify as a bonus.
Kevin Sours* December 20, 2023 at 3:53 pm I’ve definitely had baked potatoes that would be a more than adequate lunch.
Queer Earthling* December 20, 2023 at 8:20 pm A loaded baked potato is a great lunch, but not a very good bonus.
Honestly, some people’s children!* December 20, 2023 at 3:23 pm Were the potatoes made of gold? Or the cafeteria really expensive? Because nominal value gifts don’t need to be taxed. I’ve always been told by accountant types that the IRS generally views that as $5 and/or having no resale value. So even a loaded baked potato made of ordinary potato and not gold should count…
Magenta Sky* December 20, 2023 at 3:38 pm The company valued the potatoes at $15 each (or whatever that is in pounds; this was in the UK). And they weren’t even allowed to put their own fixings on.
Pastor Petty Labelle* December 20, 2023 at 3:53 pm Oh I would have thrown my potato in the trash. Because I just know I would have gotten one with bacon on it. Because people believe everything is better with bacon. No, no its not. I’m an adult, let me choose my own toppings — especially if I am being taxed on it.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 3:53 pm That is so terrible! I don’t even like or can’t eat a lot of common baked potato toppings. So, I’d be charged for a basically inedible “bonus.”
Aitch Arr* December 20, 2023 at 4:18 pm Link once it gets through moderation: https://www.the-express.com/lifestyle/life/121915/work-christmas-bonus-potato-tax-twitter
goddessoftransitory* December 20, 2023 at 9:42 pm Wow. WOW. I wonder how many of said baked potatoes were dropped from the building roof onto the director’s car.
Mister_L* December 21, 2023 at 2:45 am I admit I tried to look it up, but couldn’t find the story anymore. About 10 years ago I saw a story in the news about the christmas party at a german company. The employees were driven to the venue in 2 buses, seating assigned by list. Only bus one went to the venue, bus two to drove to the office where people were told to clear out their desks.
Phony Genius* December 21, 2023 at 11:55 am For Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fans, this reminds me of Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B.
JustaTech* December 21, 2023 at 12:52 pm I would be more shocked, but at the first biotech I worked for people joked/not-joked that our Christmas lunch was off-site so they could padlock the doors shut (at the building) and fire everyone. I thought this was absurd and said so, until I was informed that it had happened at another company a few years before.
Ellis Bell* December 21, 2023 at 2:12 pm Do you remember the letter about the hospital who wanted to mark Nurses Appreciation Week by making everyone wear pink and blue by gender? I know staff appreciation gestures have a high chance of flopping in every industry, but with the kind of incentives you hear hospitals come up with, it’s like they’re actually dedicated to pissing their employees off. Wasn’t the wall of shame person a hospital boss too?
BellyButton* December 20, 2023 at 2:59 pm When placing my order for this year’s holiday appetizers I said “I need ‘abundant shrimp'” and then laughed to myself, no one else knew why I was laughing. LOL thanks to the original OP for that one.
fhqwhgads* December 20, 2023 at 3:07 pm I don’t understand the setup in #3. Was no one else eating anything but shrimp because they happened to not like it? Didn’t trust it? Room of mostly vegetarians? I understand the punchline was the OP eating 100 oysters but the begging part confuses me. (I’m also a Jewish vegetarian so there may be common knowledge I’m missing.)
HBJ* December 20, 2023 at 3:12 pm Right? I don’t get it either. And what does “… with all the accoutrements” mean. The ellipsis makes me think something about the presentation was repulsive to some people?
FourOfCups* December 20, 2023 at 3:17 pm Accoutrements probably refers to the sauces you pair with oysters, like mignonette and horseradish.
Alf* December 20, 2023 at 3:13 pm oysters are a very love it or hate it food, with most people landing firmly on the “hate it” side
Steve for Work Purposes* December 20, 2023 at 7:29 pm I thought I hated oysters because I’d only ever had them cooked, but then in my 20s I had them raw and was thoroughly converted – they’re like doing shots of the ocean! I’m still very careful re where I get them but they’re one of my favorites now.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 3:15 pm I know a lot of people who won’t eat oysters, because they either don’t like the taste, the way they look, or what part you eat. I’m a vegetarian, so the seafood would be wasted on me.
Hermione Danger* December 20, 2023 at 3:16 pm I assumed that for whatever reason, only 3 people in the group were keen on raw shellfish. Could have been allergies, could have been dietary restrictions, could have just thought it was gross… There are lots of reasons why people wouldn’t take advantage of one.
KateM* December 20, 2023 at 3:25 pm I wouldn’t have touched anything there, not even shrimp – just don’t like the stuff. I do hope they offered other food besides raw seafood… although, in a diploma-receiving event I attended just this year, all salty snacks were with some kind of raw fish thing.
Grizabella the Glamour Cat* December 22, 2023 at 12:53 am Same here. I do not care for shellfish. I like many kinds of fish (the kind with fins and scales), but I don’t eat sea bugs.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 3:30 pm Could be where this was. I grew up eating shrimp, but the rest of those options would require a special trip to a fancy restaurant for my family. On the other hand, I also grew up watching people eat frogs’ legs. While I could never do it myself, I am familiar with the technique.
GreyjoyGardens* December 20, 2023 at 4:49 pm Ever since I sampled the raw oysters on offer at a Christmas Eve buffet and came down with a raging case of norovirus on the 26th, raw shellfish are a hard NO. Intellectually, I knew I wasn’t going to die; emotionally and physically, I wasn’t so sure.
JSPA* December 21, 2023 at 6:47 am After eating a fresh oyster (or three) every farmer’s market day at a seaside town for 9 weeks, I overlapped with a norovirus outbreak the 10th week. (It hit the local news the next day.) Luckily I’d had a vague sense of something wrong by 6 hours later, then seen the news, and thus skipped dinner and breakfast (except for clear fluids and hydration salts) by the time it hit. Still a wretched several days.
Hlao-roo* December 20, 2023 at 3:18 pm I sometimes eat seafood, and my assumption is a mix of “happened not to like [the non-shrimp options]” and “unfamiliar with how to eat/unwilling to eat in front of coworkers.” Oysters and clams have tastes/textures that people find off-putting. I don’t have any stats to back this up, but my guess is that more people dislike oysters and clams than shrimp. Lobsters and crabs can be messy to eat. You generally need to break the shell to get the meat inside, and people might (understandably) pass on doing that in front of coworkers at a work party. By contrast, I’ve mostly seen shrimp served in an easy-to-eat way, where you can eat them in a bite or two.
Pastor Petty Labelle* December 20, 2023 at 3:23 pm Don’t care how messy crab is — its available I’m eating. My law school took part in the University wide crab feast every year, free for students, nominal charge if you brought someone not at the school. Man my friends learned not to get near me when I had a crab mallet in my hands. I could go through a whole crab like nobody’s business. I would have been in heaven at such an event.
Steve for Work Purposes* December 20, 2023 at 7:38 pm Same! I love shellfish and would have been in heaven. It reminds me of one time when we were on vacation when I was ~10 and one night we went to an all you can eat buffet that featured shrimp cocktail. According to my mom, my sister and I decided that was all we wanted to eat that night and she was surprised/amazed at how much shrimp 2 kids could put away. She joked she didn’t have to feed us the whole next day, we ate that much shrimp. To this day I am a sucker for shrimp cocktail or any shellfish really (except head-on shrimp/shellfish, I don’t like to eat things that are looking back at me or haven’t been deveined/cleaned first). I’m celiac now which makes it a bit trickier but on a work trip last year there was a celiac-friendly seafood place by the hotel and I went there every night we didn’t already have dinner plans, just working my way through the menu.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 3:24 pm You mean, you don’t just pick the lobster up and bite into the shell, like Daryl Hannah in “Splash”?!
Guin* December 20, 2023 at 3:32 pm Fun trivia fact: Daryl Hannah is a vegetarian/vegan, so that was a lobster shell stuffed with mashed potatoes.
Chirpy* December 20, 2023 at 4:50 pm Hopefully someone else ate it, so it at least didn’t go to waste?
Lady_Lessa* December 20, 2023 at 3:23 pm I tend to only like certain seafoods, but I like my shrimp cooked, and my crabs cooked and made into crab cakes. I’ve eaten oysters once or twice, but never again. (As a child, I was advised not to, but did anyway. I looked into one after I had bitten it.) That raw bar would have left me hungry.
grapefruit* December 20, 2023 at 3:34 pm Shrimp served at a “raw bar” are actually cooked, just served chilled :) Same with the lobster and crab. Only the clams and oysters are likely to have been actually raw.
IneffableBastard* December 21, 2023 at 5:35 pm Thank goodness, I was confused my the name because I’ve never seen people eating raw crustaceans. I would likely not eat the raw things but would have a great time with everything else.
GammaGirl1908* December 22, 2023 at 6:50 am I have declared that from now on, I want my crab in cake or leg form. I’m not picking any more crabs. But shrimp? Bring it on (and yes, shrimp are usually served cooked).
Minimal Pear* December 21, 2023 at 9:48 am When I was a kid my mother got to me try either an oyster or a mussel, and she told me you were supposed to bite it in half and look at it. Needless to say, it was quite a while before I ate oysters or mussels again.
Little John* December 21, 2023 at 12:12 pm Please let the rest of us learn from your suffering! What does it look like on the inside?
hrhorse* December 20, 2023 at 3:26 pm This was indeed confusing. Early on, the OP mentioned that she likes shrimp cocktail so was excited for the raw bar, but shrimp cocktail is cooked shrimp…
grapefruit* December 20, 2023 at 3:36 pm Yeah, “raw bar” is a bit of a misnomer. Generally only the oysters and clams are actually raw – shrimp cocktail, lobster, crab, etc., are cooked but served chilled.
Absurda* December 20, 2023 at 4:11 pm I’ve never heard of anyone serving raw shrimp, crab or lobster; that can give people food poisoning. I just figured they were precooked but served on ice with cocktail sauce as part of the raw bar.
Emmy Noether* December 21, 2023 at 10:02 am I’ve had sushi with raw shrimp. Definitely need to really trust the restaurant, though.
Anonymous 75* December 20, 2023 at 3:35 pm I’m allergic to the shellfish but the oysters! I would tore up, just give me some saltines and hot sauce and I’m happy as a clam. now if they had caviar and all the mess that goes with it I would have been in heaven.
Kermit's Bookkeepers* December 20, 2023 at 3:44 pm Could also be that oysters get a bad rap in pop culture as the cause of food poisoning — they’re often mentioned in sitcoms and older movies in the context of “Eurgh, I shouldn’t’ve eaten those oysters.” Maybe the others were being cautious about oysters sitting out for a long period that had arrived on a catering truck. (Speaking as a former caterer, my company’s food-handling in general was meticulous and up to industry standards, but most other people would be shocked at how much time their wedding dinner spends sitting around in a room-temp metal box.) For the record: I would one-hundred-percent have joined in the Feast of 100 Oysters. Yum.
saskia* December 20, 2023 at 3:57 pm Lots of people dislike oysters; not surprising. And plenty of people have a dislike of or allergy to seafood in general.
UKDancer* December 20, 2023 at 4:07 pm Yeah definitely. I eat shrimp if I absolutely have to but don’t eat shellfish because it doesn’t agree with me (not an allergy as such just digestive issues). I tried oysters once and didn’t like them so haven’t again. I was once given a seafood banquet of many courses when I was in Rome as a guest of a supplier (who hadn’t checked whether we ate seafood) so I spent a lot of time pushing my food around the plate and eating salad. As soon as I got back to my hotel I went straight to the McDonalds opposite and the Big Mac tasted so good. So yeah I could believe not a huge number of people wanted seafood.
The OG Sleepless* December 20, 2023 at 4:17 pm Yes, I love seafood in general but I don’t eat oysters, and I don’t like shrimp cocktail enough to get overly excited about it on a buffet. Between the number of people who hate oysters, and the number of people who are allergic to shellfish, this was a bold choice for a buffet.
Sedna* December 20, 2023 at 4:00 pm I’m dying to know about the 100 oyster number. Did the caterers have 100 oysters that nobody else was going to eat anyway, or did they just keep sending into the back for more? Also – I, too, love oysters, but I would maybe be able to make it through a dozen max before tapping out. I salute your intestinal fortitude.
Just Another Cog* December 20, 2023 at 4:49 pm Yeah, I’m not an oyster fan, but the thought of eating 100 of anything seems excessive and I’d probably not feel well afterwards.
No Longer Gig-less Data Analyst* December 20, 2023 at 5:10 pm There was a high-end seafood restaurant near me that had an all you can eat raw bar pre-Covid as part of their brunch buffet. We went a few times for special occasions, and I happily crushed about 6 dozen raw oysters and clams per visit. I love all things raw though, sushi, poke, tartare. I am 52 and weirdly I have never had food poisoning despite eating this way for most of my adult life.
Dust Bunny* December 20, 2023 at 4:08 pm I’m not hugely fond of shellfish and oysters just seem like balls of mucus to me, so I wouldn’t have found a whole lot to eat there, either.
JSPA* December 21, 2023 at 6:57 am Depends from where. Cold-water, granite-coast oysters can practically be crisp, and taste like brined cucumber with a hint of shellfish. Others are softer, muddier and have a bit of sulfur flavor (presume from adjacent mud wetlands). I’m sure they’re super-ecological, and some people just love them–but I can’t choke them down. Not that you’re required to try again, but if you had one that was flabby, you might want to try again, someplace else. (Or not. Cucumber salad briefly marinaded with a dash of herring brine is easy enough to make.)
Yup!* December 20, 2023 at 4:10 pm That said, I saw my husband and kid get violently sick on oysters (I refused to eat one cause I was mad about something–lucky me!), and then my husband again got sick when eating oysters last year off a shared plate. Again I got lucky. So… no more oysters for me. These were all caught within a walk to the restaurants, too. But boy do I miss them.
Baby Yoda* December 20, 2023 at 4:15 pm My old boss’s entire family got ill after oysters at a charity bull roast. Hubby and I wisely ate beef instead.
TacoSupremeLeader* December 20, 2023 at 3:09 pm At our Christmas party this year, a dean had someone project pictures of the last three Supreme Leaders of North Korea on the overhead screen for all the employees in attendance to see. Then the dean started calling our new facilities manager ‘Supreme Leader’ as he is also the chair of the county commission and therefore wields a bit of power in his community. We were holding our meeting in a church no less!
Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd* December 21, 2023 at 7:17 am Oh dear, I am not sure what a “county commission” does exactly, but if it handles anything your company might run up against in the future (in terms of approvals or whatever) you have a potential conflict of interest situation brewing there.
Kit* December 21, 2023 at 1:04 pm Given that a dean is mentioned, this sounds like TSL works in education of some sort – the county commissioners are basically the elected committee that organizes county government, so in theory there’s a potential conflict if the school is trying to build/expand in a way that the county would need to approve… but it’s fairly unlikely, since even public universities are usually funded by state dollars, not county. (Basically, the fringe case would be if the school was requesting the use of county land that the commission would have to approve/deny, in which case the facilities manager might be obligated to recuse himself from the decision. Maybe. Depends what their specific rules are and whether he has any ability to influence the school’s request.)
ragazza* December 20, 2023 at 3:09 pm I totally would have been eating all the oyster too, although I figured out several year ago about three dozen is my max.
SheLooksFamiliar* December 20, 2023 at 3:12 pm The woman who did the Oreo Drop is legendary. Also: if Oreo Drop isn’t already a drink, it should be.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 3:18 pm I love to bake, but I am 100% on Oreo Lady’s side. That needs to be voluntary and requested of all staff, not dictated to only the women.
SheLooksFamiliar* December 20, 2023 at 3:31 pm Exactly! When feel like baking, I’ve been told I produce very good cookies and specialty breads. Tell me I have to bake for a team that includes a lot of men who are not pressed into service, and you’ll get a package of store-brand sandwich cookies. Maybe. If I feel like it.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 3:45 pm Not only will you maayybeee get that from me, you’ll also get a speech about sexist expectations regarding food in the workplace. My father used to do this back in the 70s and 80s, when the guys he worked with (skilled trade) would plan a work party and say, “Have your wife make …” He made it clear that he would be doing the baking (which he was quite good at) and that my mother did not make food for parties that she wasn’t invited to.
Dr. Vibrissae* December 20, 2023 at 3:54 pm Now I’m feeling a little guilty about making my husband make food for the party tomorrow that he is not invited too… Of course I offered to just buy my stuff, but he likes a good excuse to make something over the top.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 4:07 pm My mother only bakes under duress. Wanting to do it is completely different.
UKDancer* December 20, 2023 at 4:13 pm Absolutely I hate baking but I know some people enjoy it and like to share with their colleagues. I’ve one colleague who finds it therapeutic to bake cakes and try different recipes and brings them in regularly (for which we thank her). It’s quite different if it’s a thing you want to do, not a thing you’re being told to do through a sexist expectation.
Ama* December 20, 2023 at 5:33 pm I am sympathetic to OP as early in my career I might have gotten sucked into “oh I have to do this” too — although my dad (who was a CPA) taught me when was temping in college that if a job asks me to pay my own money for something I should refuse so *maybe* I would have sucked up my courage and said no. By my 30s I would have absolutely gone Oreo Lady route, though.
Just Another Cog* December 20, 2023 at 4:53 pm She did what I only dream I could pull off! I wonder if she still works there? She’d have my utmost respect.
Can't Sit Still* December 20, 2023 at 4:03 pm Oreo Drop drink recipe that has not been tested, because it’s not 5 pm yet: Rim a martini or other coupe glass with chocolate syrup, then coat with Oreo cookie crumbs To a cocktail shaker, add: Ice 2 parts vanilla or whipped cream vodka 1 part creme de cacao (ideally Tempus Fugit) 1-2 dashes chocolate bitters or to taste Shake with ice until chilled, strain into coupe glass rimmed with Oreo cookies crumbs. Garnish with an Oreo cookie if desired. You could also pour over vanilla or cookies & cream ice cream. If you wanted to make it super-fancy, add one part egg white or aquafaba with the other ingredients. Shake very vigorously and strain carefully into a sour glass. Scatter Oreo crumbs carefully across the top of the drink.
Damn it, Hardison!* December 20, 2023 at 4:09 pm It’s not 5 here yet, but that gives me time to get to the liquor store and be ready right on the dot!
UKDancer* December 20, 2023 at 4:11 pm Oreo woman is a goddess who deserves tribute! I hate assumptions that women can bake and have nothing else to do with their time. I hate baking so have cultivated a reputation at work of being a terrible cook. If we have a staff picnic I offer to bring the drinks. I’m actually quite a good cook and a decent baker but it doesn’t please me so I cook for myself and don’t make cakes. When my mother was at work 30 years ago and became a manager she was told by her management (all men except one woman) that she needed to make a cake for the next management meeting because the other woman always did. My mother said she didn’t bake well but would happily buy one with the corporate credit card. Strangely she was never asked again.
Mrs. Hawiggins* December 20, 2023 at 3:14 pm Screen name in next life: Someone Brought Porn. I’m pretty sure I just sprained something from laughing so hard. Reminder to inspect re-gifted gifts before wrapping.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 3:21 pm I can see how it could happen. Not all erotica looks the same. It might not have been clear from the cover or description, and it sounds like the OP didn’t get far enough into the story to realize what it was.
Honestly, some people’s children!* December 20, 2023 at 3:28 pm Some porn adjacent writers do a NSFW cover and a SWF cover with flowers or kittens or something. So if she didn’t get to “the good parts” I suppose it could happen!
Flor* December 21, 2023 at 9:51 am And, although they’re separate genre categories, individuals’ definitions vary, too. Some readers call stories with pretty much any on-page sex “porn” (my dad has described OUTLANDER that way). It wouldn’t surprise me if this was a romantasy series where the description for the first book downplays the romance arc, as those books often have a lot more non-romance plot. Something like ACOTAR or FBAA has more graphic sex than would make me comfortable with giving either book in a workplace gift exchange, but you wouldn’t necessarily know that from the back cover copy and both books take hundreds of pages to get to the sex.
Chirpy* December 21, 2023 at 2:14 pm There’s also books like a fantasy series I used to like, partially because the extreme slow burn low-key romance between two characters meant that the story was focused on actual plot…until the 4th book, where a (relatively) graphic sex scene with some really awful elements (non-consenting, sudden love triangle with weird political elements because it’s the main character’s lover and friend, not with her, etc) which changed the entire dynamic of the story. Previously, I would have recommended the series to teens, but I was so squicked out I stopped reading the series myself.
Cyndi* December 20, 2023 at 3:16 pm #9 both impresses and terrifies me because she wasn’t even drunk! She got “partially inebriated” on one martini and just went for it.
I went to school with only 1 Jennifer* December 20, 2023 at 7:51 pm She had “a lemon drop martini that made my teeth numb”. Not sure which story you meant?
Jennifer Strange* December 20, 2023 at 8:35 pm They meant the same one, where the OP said “ I decided in my partially inebriated state that Pink’s ‘Raise Your Glass’ fit the bill”
Saturday* December 20, 2023 at 3:16 pm “Clear your weekend” to spend it baking cookies for people at work?? So obnoxious!
Portia* December 20, 2023 at 3:17 pm I love the mugs glued to the break room floor. That’s the kind of spiteful but basically harmless revenge that makes me happy.
Pastor Petty Labelle* December 20, 2023 at 3:25 pm Its not harmless. Someone has to go through and remove all the mugs. Which are glued. That’s not an easy substance to remove and probably the removal damaged the floor. If they were taped or just stuck there with something that would be one thing. But glue is permanent.
fhqwhgads* December 20, 2023 at 4:08 pm Depends on the glue. If we’re talking basic Elmer’s, you barely pull harder than just picking it up. A more substantial adhesive, yeah, what you said.
Ellis Chumsfanleigh* December 20, 2023 at 4:28 pm Unless it’s pavement-grade epoxy, Goo Gone or Goof Off will remove the glue.
Abundant Shrimp* December 20, 2023 at 4:44 pm I recently removed a bumper sticker with vinegar. That was option A. Should it have failed, the web page I’d found had options B, C, and D that I was going to try next.
Portia* December 20, 2023 at 7:54 pm I was betting with myself this would be among the responses… It was funny, OK? I doubt they used super glue.
allathian* December 21, 2023 at 3:35 am Depends on the glue, I guess. That said, I’m not a fan of pranks in general and I don’t think they belong in an office at any time. Even supposedly benign pranks like wrapping someone’s desk and chair in bubble wrap or covering their computer screen in Post-it notes takes time to clean up.
Uranus Wars* December 20, 2023 at 4:17 pm I starting crying at my desk because I was trying so hard not to laugh loudly. I don’t if it was the act itself or the way the writer delivered it. But it was amazing.
Uranus Wars* December 20, 2023 at 4:19 pm I was tearing up keeping myself from laughing so hard. Not so much the act, but the writer’s delivery (I think). I found it hysterical.
Katherine* December 20, 2023 at 11:28 pm Well, it may not be harmless, but it certainly was unique, so far as having one’s vengeance goes. I admit to laughing like a fiend over it.
Slow Gin Lizz* December 21, 2023 at 8:23 am Yeah, I gotta admire that person who not only thought of a prank like that but actually followed through with it. That seems like a LOT of work. Also a lot of work for whoever was tasked with removing them, and probably less funny for that person, but if it were me I still would have admired the effort the prankster put into it.
Jennifer Strange* December 20, 2023 at 3:20 pm I have to say, #3 sounds like a dream to me. I ADORE seafood.
Jennifer Strange* December 20, 2023 at 3:34 pm Though, to be clear, I wouldn’t berate someone for NOT having shrimp!
Aelswitha* December 20, 2023 at 3:24 pm 6. I would LOVE to have a f_ckbuddy who looked like Sam Elliot’s long lost brother.
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 3:57 pm I look forward to someone in the commentariat writing and publishing this erotic novel in time for someone else to bring it to their work gift grab next year.
UKDancer* December 20, 2023 at 4:18 pm Not so keen on the moustache but his voice is lovely. I think it might be quite fun to have a casual amour who looks like a cowboy but I probably wouldn’t bring him to the office party.
Bear Expert* December 21, 2023 at 9:20 am I love T. I love the buddy. I love that T brought the buddy to the dinner. I love that the buddy went. It beautiful and I wish them so much joy.
Pastor Petty Labelle* December 20, 2023 at 3:25 pm Larry being drunk does not excuse his flat out theft. I’m not sure I could ever work with him again. There is a loss of trust there.
Lenora Rose* December 20, 2023 at 4:19 pm This. Some of these stories are hilarious, but there have been a few where I just don’t understand why someone isn’t fired – or in extreme cases arrested (The one about the people who smashed a lock on a fridge to steal the food therein, for example). Is it because they stole from coworkers and not from the company?
Absurda* December 20, 2023 at 4:20 pm Yeah, drunk or not I’m surprised he still had a job after that. I don’t think I could trust an employee who’s only a few drinks away from stealing from me.
tangerineRose* December 21, 2023 at 11:58 pm I agree. I wonder if he was drunk as much as just a thief. Surprised he kept his job.
GreyjoyGardens* December 20, 2023 at 4:54 pm I agree. Most of these stories were just funny (especially Oreo Drop and There Goes My Schnitzel) but I hope the floors of Larry’s house are eternally strewn with Legos. He’s a petty, thieving cheapskate. (Seriously, stealing gift cards from a company party to help pay for your daughter’s wedding? SMH.)
JB* December 20, 2023 at 5:51 pm Not even pay for the wedding, get some free catering. No doubt the vouchers had not being accepted in conjunction with others as part of the terms and conditions to cover someone trying exactly that.
Elle Woods* December 20, 2023 at 6:16 pm Larry was my husband’s coworker. No one was the least bit surprised that he did this; they knew he was a cheapskate but they didn’t realize the lengths he’d go to avoid spending money. The only tears shed were those of joy when Larry was let go the first day back in the new year. (Grandboss didn’t want to fire anyone during the holidays.)
Heart&Vine* December 20, 2023 at 3:27 pm I wonder if #2 brought Belinda Blinked. Lol! (Points to anyone who understands this reference)
OreoDrop* December 20, 2023 at 3:35 pm Haha there’s no way you could read the first few chapters of Rocky’s masterpiece and not realize it was supposed to be erotica!
Slow Gin Lizz* December 20, 2023 at 3:36 pm #13 – what happened to Larry? Did he get to keep his job???
Elle Woods* December 20, 2023 at 6:12 pm He did, but only for a couple more weeks. He was already skating on paper-thin ice but that was the last straw. Larry’s grandboss didn’t want to fire anyone during the holidays so the boss had to wait until the first day back in the new year to let him go.
Slow Gin Lizz* December 21, 2023 at 8:16 am Oh good! Glad to hear that someone who deserved to lose their job actually did.
Daisy-dog* December 20, 2023 at 3:57 pm How many is 10 batches of cookies? My go-to cookie recipe makes 72 cookies and takes about 90 minutes start to finish. I am curious how long it would take me to make 720 because I think I’d have to factor in a period of time to nap.
fhqwhgads* December 20, 2023 at 4:10 pm Yeah some of my recipes make 12, some make 24, some other weird numbers. Although some malicious compliance to the request might be to make extremely tiny cookies.
Chirpy* December 20, 2023 at 4:48 pm Each chocolate chip meticulously placed by hand… ….actually, I’d do 10 batches…of single serve microwave mug cakes. DIY. Coworkers to supply their own mug. Just a box of mug cake packets.
Dr. Vibrissae* December 20, 2023 at 3:58 pm #6 Imagine getting called by your F***buddy to hang out, you put on your most “I’m gonna get some” lonesome cowboy duds, and instead of the wild night in you were anticipating, they take you to a work party at a chain restaurant. I wouldn’t want to talk to anyone there, either ;)
Charlotte Lucas* December 20, 2023 at 4:11 pm There’s no reason that the wild night wasn’t going to be after the work party. Maybe the silence was part of their arrangement.
I Wrote This in the Bathroom -> Abundant Shrimp* December 20, 2023 at 4:35 pm I’ve gotten tired of my name. Can I be Abundant Shrimp now? Unless someone else has already claimed it. I will retell the story behind my current name if my request is granted. Sincerely, Hopefully abundant shrimp
acmx* December 20, 2023 at 6:09 pm Your current username to future username reads like an unfortunate tale lol
Cedrus Libani* December 20, 2023 at 7:35 pm Cheap-ass rolls are bad enough, but the cheap-ass shrimp can really ruin your night. At least you have the Internet to distract you as you pay the porcelain price.
Slow Gin Lizz* December 21, 2023 at 8:17 am Hells yes you can be Abundant Shrimp, but only if you tell the story behind your current name, which I haven’t heard before.
Abundant Shrimp* December 21, 2023 at 9:31 am Thank you, everyone! Story: In the late 2010s, I once drove two hours to the *other* big city in my state, to see an indie rock band I liked that wasn’t coming to mine that year. There, I met a family that’d also traveled from my city; dad and mom about my age, and their college-student son who was the biggest fan of the three. They told me they knew the band and to stick around, they’d introduce me. In the break between sets, the band leader did in fact come to them to say hello, and we all had a nice chat. It was late and the son was the only one who wasn’t tired, so he kept making deep comments and asking questions about what the song lyrics *really* meant. At some point the band leader started giving answers I didn’t expect, like: Son: Your song “Small World” really spoke to me in the sense of (something profound) BL: I wrote it after our second child was born and the oldest was two. It seemed like our world was suddenly small children and nothing else. Son: OK what about “I Look Away and You’re Gone?” I thought it meant (more profound stuff) BL: I wrote that one when I lost my car keys. Son: But what about “When I’m Away From You?” BL: I WROTE THAT IN THE BATHROOM (<=== see? my old name!!!) at that point I mimicked at the father behind son's back, and could tell he'd been thinking the same thing; that poor BL needed a break. He said "Son, we've got to let Keith go get ready for the next set OK?" and that was the end of our chat. (Yes the band leader's name is KEITH. I am not making that up! Look up Good Old War.)
Abundant Shrimp* December 20, 2023 at 4:49 pm I wish #18 many happy years with the guy, he’s definitely a keeper. Even with that weird name of his, haha
WantonSeedStitch* December 20, 2023 at 4:51 pm Now I really, really want a big friggin’ seafood tower. From now on, any time someone demands I or my team work wonders from nothing, I will refer to it as “abundant shrimp.”
BecauseHigherEd* December 20, 2023 at 5:10 pm Oh god–Number 1 reminded me… My husband worked for a digital marketing agency when he first graduated from college. One Halloween, they decided that all employees should wear costumes, get rip-roaring drunk, and go to watch a horror movie in theaters. After that, most people went home, but some wandered back to the office. Fine, fine. I stopped by to see them all for the Office Halloween Party after my work ended. My husband and I were clearing up his stuff and just goofing around when a manager from a different office screamed at us to “get the #$2# out of the office!” It later transpired that she was trying to create alone-time in the office in order to seduce her direct-report, who was married, had a pregnant wife at home, and was dressed as Captain America. He (rightfully) filed a complaint with HR. My husband had to provide a statement and cited me as a witness as well. The newly created HR team realized that this was the natural result of what had become an all-too-permissive work culture, and so they made it their mission to fully overhaul the processes that had existed up until that point. That’s good. What’s not good is that the HR team for some reason felt they had to uncover questionable practices through reconnaissance, as opposed to just talking to employees directly. Once, my husband was quietly sitting at his desk answering emails when one of the HR reps sidled up beside him and said, “Say, you know where I can get some dope around this place?”
Spiders Everywhere* December 20, 2023 at 6:17 pm The nerve of her, Captain America would never cheat on his pregnant wife. The second part reminds me of how the worst project lead I ever worked with got busted in what was descibed to me as a “sting operation” for watching furry porn at work.
CommentKoi* December 20, 2023 at 5:14 pm The abundant shrimp and the single tea bag had me rolling. Thank you for the laugh!
Katie* December 20, 2023 at 7:47 pm “The ocean called, they’re running out of shrimp!” “The jerk store called, they’re running out of you!” #IYKYK
Steve for Work Purposes* December 20, 2023 at 7:52 pm I work in a field that does sometimes have its fair share of drama, but reading these nothing we’ve had at holiday parties ever comes close, at least not where I’ve worked. We did have a Mari Llwyd at the place I worked in grad school though – we dressed up the teaching horse skeleton and everyone took pics with it the way people at other parties would take pics with Santa.
JustaTech* December 21, 2023 at 1:10 pm That sounds awesome! Did you do the rap battle for drinks and snacks as well?
Bunny Lake Is Found* December 21, 2023 at 4:38 pm Same here. The most dramatic thing that has ever happened at a work party was that a colleague that had put in their notice to go to a competitor brought her husband to our “no plus ones” mid-day holiday party. Oh the drama.
NoIWontFixYourComputer* December 21, 2023 at 12:47 am LW#12 should have brought some cheap-ass rolls to make up for the shrimp!
That_guy* December 21, 2023 at 9:49 am I think #9 sounds like a lot of fun. I hope her coworkers appreciated her quirkiness.
The Formatting Queen* December 21, 2023 at 1:33 pm #9 confuses me a bit though; why was she not supposed to have been invited to the party? Even if she had been there just a week or two, if it’s a party for all employees, she should still have counted. It’s pretty rude (especially for a party that big!) to say she couldn’t come just because she was too new. It reminds me a bit of my first full time job after college, as a receptionist, that I started in early December only a week or two before the holiday party. My husband already worked for the same company so I was actually already on the list of going to the party as his +1. Since it was being held at a hotel about 2 hours away from the office, the company was paying for a room for each employee so no one had to drive home after the party. Well – another member of my hubby’s department saw us going into the room together at the end of the evening. Apparently he stopped by the HR director’s office (she was also my boss) the next Monday to let her know “boy, that new receptionist moves fast; she’s sleeping with one of the junior engineers already!” She just stared at him and asked if he’d “happened to notice that [her] last name matched [hubby’s], because they’re already married, so this isn’t really news.” I guess he never bothered to actually learn my name before that. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t cause a bigger scandal.
Bunny Lake Is Found* December 21, 2023 at 4:20 pm Ok, on a re-read, I realized what happened. She wasn’t not invited because she was too new, she was not invited because this was not a party that should have included the person in her role. This was the Team X Holiday Party. #9 was not part of Team X, she was just the receptionist for the BUILDING where Team X employees were located. So #9 wasn’t supposed to be invited AT ALL. But, because she was just starting out at the company, a company KNOWN for these huge ragers where everyone is invited, she had no way of knowing she wasn’t supposed to be included in the Team X Holiday Party invite list.
CoffeeCoffeeCoffee* December 21, 2023 at 1:46 pm My favorite story: my old PR firm back in 2009 would let everyone choose a food gift at the holidays and one year it was either a large, organic turkey (that could feed 10) or a very nice cheesecake. A fellow junior employee was lactose intolerant, but chose the cheesecake, so I asked her why and she responded that her apartment “doesn’t allow pets.” She thought our bosses were going around and giving employees live turkeys to take home.
Bunny Lake Is Found* December 21, 2023 at 4:11 pm #9 makes me actually upset for the poor band who thought they were being accommodating and instead got roped into a the LWs practical joke. I get she just wanted to troll them and have good time, but it’s sort of like teasing the waitstaff because you know they have to take it, “I’m here to have fun!” and “It’s not like it does any harm!”