update: my coworkers keep asking about my assault by Alison Green on December 11, 2023 It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. Remember the letter-writer whose coworkers kept asking about her assault and were being really pushy about getting answers? The first update was here, and here’s the latest. I am still working for the same company, and I truly love my job. After everything that happened, the owners have really gone above and beyond in supporting me. About a month after my previous update, Jack and Jane both left the company. Officially they both resigned, but the owners of the firm let me know that had they not resigned, they would have been fired. The owners also let me know that they wanted to let the two of them go immediately after what happened, but due to some behind the scenes issues with clients and contracts it wasn’t a feasible option. They apologized profusely for any additional distress that caused me. They held individual meetings with the remaining members of my office to review appropriate ways to express concern for your coworkers, and issued strong reminders that it is not acceptable to keep pushing for answers when someone says no. I was given a private office to help me feel safer at work, so I can protect my own space and never have to worry about someone walking up behind me. Typically our office doors don’t have locks on them, but they installed one on mine to give me some extra peace of mind. After tax season ended, I was told to take off at least three weeks (which were fully paid, and not withdrawn from my PTO balance!!) to rest, recover, and go do something fun. I ended up taking a full month off at the beginning of the summer. I spent a lot of that time backpacking, which really helped me regain a sense of control over my life and body, and develop a lot of trust in my own strength. Those couple of weeks spent in the desert/mountains, along with some intensive therapy, were exactly what I needed to feel okay returning to work and everyday life. I had my annual review about two weeks ago, and I was extremely nervous going into it. I didn’t meet a lot of the goals I should have this year due to everything that happened, so I wasn’t sure how the meeting would go. It was AMAZING. I met with the owners of the company and the two partners that I assist. They opened by acknowledging that I had experienced some truly extenuating circumstances this year, some of which were directly their fault, and said that given everything going on I had worked harder than anyone would have expected me to. In their eyes, I had not only met all of my goals, I had vastly exceeded them. They said they had nothing but the highest praise for me, and will do whatever they can to keep me long term. They gave me a 10% raise and changed my compensation structure so that despite being a salaried employee, I will be paid out at my hourly rate for unused comp time at the end of every fiscal year in an extra paycheck. I was already being paid pretty generously, but with the new compensation structure it feels a little crazy to see my projected pay for the year. My mom has a master’s degree and 30 years of work experience and only makes half of what I do, and I don’t even have an associate’s degree! Ultimately I feel like the owners of the firm realized that their inaction at the start of this whole mess is what enabled things to get as bad as they did, and I feel confident that nothing like it will ever happen again. They’ve really done a lot to make it clear how much they adore me and appreciate my work. I would be happy to stay long term. Recovering from the aftermath of the assault has required a lot of hard work on my part, but overall I feel like my life is actually in a much better place now than it was before. I was able to move out of the 600 square foot apartment I was sharing with two roommates and into my own apartment with my two cats. I had to withdraw from all of my classes after the assault, but this semester I was able to start taking part time classes again. I recently started dating a wonderful man who is incredibly kind and so patient with me. After our first kiss I had a panic attack (PTSD really knows how to spice things up) which was mortifying, but he stayed with me until it passed and then for another hour to make sure I was actually okay. He’s been amazing at checking in with me to make sure I’m comfortable and constantly reassures me that nothing is wrong with me. I really wondered whether I’d ever feel safe again, but I can honestly say that even though life looks a little different than I had imagined, I feel happy and stable. Thank you (and the commenters!) for all of the kind suggestions and support. It has really meant a lot to know that I have so many people rooting for me! You may also like:my coworkers keep asking about my assaultmost popular posts of 2023my friend uses her sister's assault as a motivational story at work { 139 comments }
Alexander Graham Yell* December 11, 2023 at 11:05 am LW, I am so glad you’re getting supported from so many different angles.
Bookworm* December 11, 2023 at 11:05 am Thank you for sharing, OP. I’m so glad you’ve gotten so much support and you’re in a better place. I wish you all the best!
Caramel & Cheddar* December 11, 2023 at 11:37 am As much as we all love Worst Boss of the Year, Best Boss might be a nice antidote! Though we’d probably have fewer to choose from.
SeluciaMD* December 11, 2023 at 1:06 pm Such a great idea! I don’t know if Alison has the bandwidth to add that to the offerings but it really is so great to see when a company/manager/boss steps up and does the right thing. That would feel good to vote on!
Who, Me?* December 12, 2023 at 8:59 am I agree, that would be a great category, even if this boss doesn’t take the prize.
Imma let you finish but* December 11, 2023 at 12:13 pm I get where you’re coming from, but I think it is important to remember that management didn’t do anything to prevent the inappropriate behavior (they admitted this to the OP). Not being proactive disqualifies for best bosses, to me at least.
Peren* December 11, 2023 at 12:24 pm I was thinking the same thing. They recovered and clearly made a ton of amends, but it should never, ever have gotten this bad
Boof* December 11, 2023 at 12:35 pm I agree on both fronts; this is a good example of how to recover if you messed up as a boss, but perhaps not a great example of all around best boss since it got out of hand and it shouldn’t have
OlympiasEpiriot* December 11, 2023 at 12:51 pm Ditto. These are not “best bosses”. They recovered pretty well, but, nope.
Accidental Manager* December 11, 2023 at 4:35 pm We also don’t really know their motivation-are they really trying to make up for the their mistakes or just trying to lengthen their skirt and avoid being sued?
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 11, 2023 at 1:12 pm It’s a lovely thought! The reason I don’t do it is because we never really know enough about any of the managers written about here. Someone could be awesome in X way, but also a horrible micromanager or breaking a bunch of labor laws or sexually harassing an employee or so forth. So I’m wary of giving an official stamp of approval to someone I only have a limited amount of info on. But I agree the way this was handled is wonderful.
ILoveLlamas* December 11, 2023 at 1:17 pm How about a “Rebound” Award? This would be for management/leadership that stepped up after a particularly bad situation and actually ended up doing the right thing.
Expelliarmus* December 11, 2023 at 1:19 pm It could be like a “Best Handling of a Situation by a Boss/Company” or something.
Zombeyonce* December 11, 2023 at 1:39 pm How about “Best Outcome” or “Most Improved”? It doesn’t even have to be about the boss specifically, just the situation itself. I’d love some more positivity along with the drama I love from this site!
TechWorker* December 11, 2023 at 2:21 pm In the nicest possible way, doesn’t this also apply to the worst boss stuff? I guess it’s easier for one bad (terrible) action to make you DEFINITELY a bad boss but in all cases you have limited info :)
Ask a Manager* Post authorDecember 11, 2023 at 2:28 pm I think the actions we’re voting on here are all horrible enough that I’m comfortable with the worst boss label! Obviously people have nuance and no one is all good or all bad, blah blah blah — but some things do just make you a bad manager, period.
Festively Dressed Earl* December 11, 2023 at 2:53 pm Cosigned. Although the company fumbled at the beginning, they really took it seriously, learned and made positive changes. I hope no one else at that business has to deal with trauma in the future, but I’m betting they’ll be supported if they do. Congratulations on your personal comeback as well, OP! It’s wonderful to hear that you’re healing.
Amber Rose* December 11, 2023 at 11:06 am Better late than never, management. At least they were truly dedicated to righting their terrible wrong. OP I’m so glad you’re in a better place and I hope things only continue to improve for you.
Where’s the Orchestra?* December 11, 2023 at 12:03 pm Agreed. They flubbed the initial response, but it seems like they were determined to make everything as close to right as they could after the initial mess up. They also seem to have learned all the lessons, which because this is an advice site we rarely get to see. OP – glad to hear your recovery is progressing, and hope that continues through the new year.
Candi* December 14, 2023 at 3:23 am I hope one thing that’s in the works is a dedicated HR person or people. Or a contract with a third-party company. Something that’ll give someone who’s being bothered an option other than “endure it,” “find time to talk to bosses when everyone’s crazy busy,” and “blow up at them in an entirely deserved way.”
Justme, The OG* December 11, 2023 at 11:07 am This update made me cry, but happy tears. I’m so glad people are supporting you.
Mainly Lurking (UK)* December 11, 2023 at 11:13 am Me too – the crying and being glad that OP is being validated and getting the support she needs. AND that management recognised that Jack and Jane shouldn’t work there any more.
MegMegMcGee* December 11, 2023 at 11:16 am Same! Long time reader but never felt compelled to comment until this update. I’m so glad everything worked out.
RedinSC* December 11, 2023 at 11:28 am Right there with you. OP, I’m really happy you’re getting the support you need and were able to find healing. Glad to hear that Jack and Jane have moved on, and hopefully they’ve learned something from this to help them be better people, too.
Kat* December 11, 2023 at 11:42 am Also crying. I’m so sorry you went through such a horrific experience OP, but I’m glad things have worked out the way they have
ampersand* December 11, 2023 at 11:45 am Same! My eye makeup is running, ha. Such a positive update following a terrible assault and awful coworkers. I wish all updates were this awesome! OP, I’m so happy for you! :)
SHEILA, the co-host* December 11, 2023 at 2:01 pm No onions here, but it seems dusty all of a sudden!
Frieda* December 11, 2023 at 12:11 pm I’m tearful too. I’m so, so glad you got this level of support.
Trippedamean* December 11, 2023 at 12:27 pm It definitely got misty in my office while I was reading this.
Kaitlyn* December 11, 2023 at 12:55 pm Same. Just me over here, crying at the professional advice blog, seeing someone come through the fire and being so proud of them.
SheLooksFamiliar* December 11, 2023 at 1:10 pm (sniffle) Tears of joy are in my eyes, too! OP, you are an awesome force, and I am so proud of you.
MEH Squared* December 11, 2023 at 3:04 pm I teared up, too. This is a wonderful update, OP, and I am so happy you have made these strides in your life. And that your company ultimately backed you after initially not doing enough. May you continue to flourish in your professional and personal life.
tangerineRose* December 12, 2023 at 12:00 am Happy tears here, too. When I re-read that Jane “convinced another of our coworkers, Jack, that cornering me in the kitchen and refusing to let me leave unless I told him what happened would solve all of my issues.” and then about how Jack had done it, I just can’t even… How could anyone with an ounce of empathy not realize that doing that would be horrifying and triggering?
Who, Me?* December 12, 2023 at 9:07 am I once was cornered in the kitchen at a party in the same way (arm stretched out, hand against the fridge to block my escape) by a drunk guy after I managed to get him away from a friend’s wife. Calling up my punk younger days, I hissed: “Take that hand down or I’ll break it for you!” He complied, and I got into a good deal of trouble later for not being lady like to a “nice guy”. It was worth it.
Juneybug* December 12, 2023 at 12:37 pm I am not the only crying happy tears for LW. I was going to blame the onions I am cutting…
JaneDough(not)* December 11, 2023 at 11:08 am LW, the bulk of my “I’m so glad!” is directed at your 0verall well-being. You’ve been incredibly brave under horrible circumstances. Part of my “I’m so glad!” is directed at your bosses, who actually learned from their mistakes, weren’t afraid to say or show that they knew they’d been wrong, and treated you very well — the only appropriate way to treat you under circs that they contributed to, btw, but as we all know from this column, such treatment is rare. Wishing you all the best going forward.
K* December 11, 2023 at 11:09 am So ridiculously happy for you, OP. There just aren’t more words than that.
Not Tom, Just Petty* December 11, 2023 at 12:05 pm It really is. It is not just a quick fix, “X left the company or I left the company.” It’s not just “I did receive perks and money.” It’s the company became a place I wanted to be while I worked to recover and gave me the resources to do it. Back taking classes? Rock on!
ferrina* December 11, 2023 at 1:14 pm Yes! Kudos to the owners for stepping up, taking accountability for the initial mishandling and doing the right thing to protect their employee. Glad Jack and Jane are gone. That just sounded horrific (in the first letter when Jack trapped with his hands, my own cPTSD flared up. When LW screamed at him, I cheered her out loud). I’m so happy and proud of LW for her work on getting healthy again. She sounds like she’s doing amazing. Healing takes time and work, and she’s really investing in herself by taking the time. I’m so glad she’s healing! Go OP!
ArtsNerd* December 12, 2023 at 12:43 pm Ditto. My shoulders are up around my ears at the memory of reading about that kitchen incident. LW, I’m so glad you advocated for yourself and then followed through with taking care of yourself. Keep it up; we’re all rooting for you. p.s. I have also unlocked the “PTSD flashback mid-kiss” achievement, and we did not handle it nearly as well as y’all did. A+ communication, well done.
Myrin* December 11, 2023 at 11:10 am What an absolutely wonderful, heartening, lovely level, OP. I wish you all the best in the future, so much joy and happiness, and may you continue on the path you’re on right now.
Myrin* December 11, 2023 at 11:11 am Oh my goodness, “update”, not “level”! I don’t know what my brain tried to say here, I’ve clearly been watching too many Let’s plays recently.
Maple Leaf* December 11, 2023 at 11:12 am I’m not crying, you’re crying! I am very happy to read how well your company stepped up to take care of you in the work place.
Filthy Vulgar Mercenary* December 11, 2023 at 11:13 am This is the best possible update given the horrible situation. OP, as a fellow survivor, your yelling at Jack was validating to read (I rarely got to do that myself so I was living through you) and the way your employer responded when they finally got their shit together makes me think they made an honest judgment error and as soon as they realized, they internalized the reality of things and fully committed to making it right. They seem like good people and so do you, and so does your new partner. Wishing you continued healing and joy in your life.
Josame* December 11, 2023 at 11:16 am Definitely also wishing you continued healing and joy in your life!
Constance Lloyd* December 11, 2023 at 2:18 pm Yeah, even rereading the first update makes me start shaking, hearing how her employer handled everything moving forward is just very comforting.
Pastor Petty Labelle* December 11, 2023 at 11:14 am YAAAY. So glad things got better. Heaven forbid this ever happens to anyone else in the company but I hope they learn from it and make sure no one else gets treated that way. It’s great they are making it up to you, but I hope the lesson they really learned was valued employee or not, this should not happen to anyone. Jack and Jane got what they deserved. I mean seriously. Jane asking is one thing, but Jack going yeah trapping someone who was just assaulted that’s the ticket.
Not Tom, Just Petty* December 11, 2023 at 12:10 pm I hope this never happens to anyone else, but this situation did create a map for them to create protocols in the future. I think the idea that OP must be ok because: 1) she was talking to coworkers, so she must be ok talking to coworkers. 2) she is not talking to us the owners, so she must not want us involved. Now they understand, as company leaders, they have to lead. Ask what the person wants/needs and does not want and sure as hell does NOT need. Jane reminded of the unhinged coworker who thought the OP with eye surgery was being beaten by her partner. She really thought that what OP needed was a strong man to protect her? So much to pack up there and put in a box with the rest of the crap from her desk.
Expelliarmus* December 11, 2023 at 2:05 pm She wasn’t talking to coworkers about it though; she was telling the coworkers she didn’t want to get anymore questions and they kept bugging her.
Candi* December 14, 2023 at 3:31 am I think what Not Tom is saying is, from a distance, it looked like she was communicating with coworkers okay, so they didn’t need to intervene. If they’d paid attention to the content of many of the interactions, they would have realized how OP was being harassed. And they seem to have realized that. They need a dedicated HR person, at the very least. They nearly lost a valuable person because of bullying behavior and no clear way to handle it.
The Unspeakable Queen Lisa* December 11, 2023 at 11:16 am Wow. You know, when I saw you were still there, I was initially kind of skeptical and annoyed. But I kept reading, and they really have tried to fix their mistakes. I think they should have told you earlier that Jack and Jane were on the way out, but at least they’re gone now. I’m glad you’re recovering and you found a kind man to be with. Thank you for updating us and good luck in the future!
Not Tom, Just Petty* December 11, 2023 at 12:13 pm Same. I thought, OK, they did offer her some time and money. That’s great. For now. Once she gets her head together, her finances straight and can take a breath, she will look for a new job. But no. They really understood the assignment and made work part of the process of moving forward. Total Wow.
Where’s the Orchestra?* December 11, 2023 at 12:14 pm To me, and especially given the comment about contracts, the Jack and Jane not immediately gone makes sense. As well as not telling OP. It was probably a case of needing to get all their paperwork in order legally to get rid of these two brainless idiots and not wanting to muck with OP and their healing process in case the get the idiots gone process hit a bunch of delays.
Shandra* December 11, 2023 at 4:03 pm Agree with @WtO. At a PastEmployer, Heath and Cathy were discovered to be having an affair. He left some time after she did, but he was managing the day-to-day on a major project for a big client. So I could believe the firm couldn’t simply force him out on short notice.
helibear* December 11, 2023 at 11:16 am I’m so happy to read this update, LW. Sending you wishes for a healthy and healing winter season (and a hopefully not too stressful tax season this spring)!!
Erik* December 11, 2023 at 11:17 am Finally a story where a boss steps up and does the right thing. Office culture is usually happens when the bosses aren’t paying attention. I’m glad to hear one made things better and firmly enforced values and expectations
ChemistryChick* December 11, 2023 at 11:18 am OP, I’m so happy for you and so very glad you’re doing well. Thank you for sending this update!
Jared Leto's kombucha* December 11, 2023 at 11:20 am I’ve been thinking of you OP and have been hoping things had gotten better for you, and I’m so glad they did! Wishing you all the best in the future.
Too Long Til Retirement* December 11, 2023 at 11:21 am What a WONDERFUL update!! This is exactly what good bosses should do with their employees who do their jobs well.
exoboist1* December 11, 2023 at 11:24 am Wonderful! That’s such a relief that they finally made things as right as they could. And I’m happy to hear that the worst offenders are gone. It’s not nice to lose a job, but actions should have consequences.
TootSweet* December 11, 2023 at 11:31 am This is the best update of all time! I’m so happy to see this!
cxxxb* December 11, 2023 at 11:34 am I was a rape crisis counselor for years. Ill frequently have people in my personal life ask me advice like “I know something happened to a friend (or coworker) how do I make them get help? How do I make them talk about it? How do I make them confront it?” and here’s the thing, taking away someone’s choice after an incident is just horribly revictimizing. My advice is always “leave them alone and show them you’re a safe human by not forcing them to do something against their will, which already happened”. OP/LW, I am so glad to hear you’re doing so well. And I am thrilled your bosses have been so supportive and amazing, you deserve it. Looking forward to more updates from you!
Indolent Libertine* December 11, 2023 at 12:29 pm “leave them alone and show them you’re a safe human by not forcing them to do something against their will, which already happened” …is the best, clearest possible way to put this. I will try to remember it verbatim in case anyone I know ever needs me to know this or say it to someone else. Thanks for this.
Jackalope* December 11, 2023 at 1:12 pm I’ve gotten so much mileage out of saying things along the lines of, “If you want to talk I’m happy to listen. If you don’t then I don’t need to know. Sending you [well wishes, prayers, cute kitten photos, hugs*, whatever is appropriate for the situation].” *Obviously hugs or any other physical signs of comfort are ONLY if the person wants them and we have a relationship where that would be appropriate. I would 100% leave that up to the discretion of the person dealing with this.
Sick of Workplace Bullshit (she/her)* December 11, 2023 at 11:35 am This is the BEST update, and I am so thrilled for you!!
amoeba* December 11, 2023 at 11:36 am Wow, this basically reads like a close to perfect update! So happy it worked out, fingers crossed for a long and happy time at the company (and in private life as well, of course!)
B* December 11, 2023 at 11:43 am Could this be the single best response to a screw up, ever, from any employer on here?
CubeFarmer* December 11, 2023 at 11:46 am Great update! I hope the resulting PTO, bonus, salary bump, and private office are a reflection that the business owners and partners realized that they dodged an enormous bullet by LW not quitting and then suing them for a hostile work environment. Not that suing is a great option for anyone but the lawyers involved, but it would have made for a huge headache.
Not Tom, Just Petty* December 11, 2023 at 12:21 pm I was thinking that too. But to be fair to the company, I do think they really understood the situation. Yes, OP could sue. Yes, OP would win. But it would be additional trauma for OP. Suing someone is not pleasant and not easy. It is by nature a conflict. Fight it in court. OP who is already dealing with all the legal issues from being assaulted would be left feeling like she was being attacked by the workplace, too. So, yes, they did not want to be sued. But they went above what was needed not to be sued by listening to OP and working together because (I really believe) that they did not want to put OP in a position where she was fighting on two fronts.
Chad H.* December 11, 2023 at 11:50 am It takes a whole new level of stupid to think the one thing a victim of assault needs is to be cornered by a male colleague.
Not Tom, Just Petty* December 11, 2023 at 12:24 pm Let’s look at unhinged reactions over the years: 1) https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html 2) can’t find the link: Help! My coworker thinks I’m being abused and won’t let it go! 3) https://www.askamanager.org/2020/01/my-coworker-has-overstepped-with-my-eating-disorder.html
Fanny Price* December 11, 2023 at 2:03 pm https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/my-coworker-thinks-im-being-abused-i-dont-know-how-to-do-my-interview-assignment-and-more.html
Slow Gin Lizz* December 11, 2023 at 11:50 am This is one of the best updates I have ever read on AAM. Congratulations, OP, and I am glad you are doing better and that your company absolutely did the right things to help you. Best of luck going forward!
Michelle Smith* December 11, 2023 at 11:55 am I am so grateful you took the time to write this second update. I am really very comforted that your employer (eventually) took appropriate action in this situation, because Jane and Jack’s behavior was shocking and egregious. May you continue to be successful in life, work, and love going forward!
Abogado Avocado* December 11, 2023 at 12:06 pm Wow, wow, wow! Thank you for this latest update. May care and understanding always surround you!
BellyButton* December 11, 2023 at 12:09 pm Thank you for the update and I hope your recovery is going well. I was so angry reading the first two letters, especially about Jack. How in the world he didn’t know that physically intimidating a woman, especially one who had just been assaulted, was so shocking I had reread what he did several times because I just couldn’t wrap my head around someone so awful!
Where’s the Orchestra?* December 11, 2023 at 12:20 pm To me it read like he had some sort of “rescuing protector” hang-up and was convinced that all OP needed was to know he was on her side and would be more than happy to protect her – he just needed all to gory details first to know what he needed to protect her from. Glad he is gone, and hopefully he learned that most of the population doesn’t want that knight in shining armor fantasy.
BellyButton* December 11, 2023 at 12:26 pm I read it as he felt entitled to know what happened, and when someone prevents you from leaving a room- it is very scary.
Where’s the Orchestra?* December 11, 2023 at 1:01 pm Oh he was totally digging for details he shouldn’t have had. I just read it as Jack was going to cover his digging with the excuse of “I just wanted to help protect her from being hurt again.” Crappy, creepy, and still happens way too often.
No Yelling on the Bus* December 11, 2023 at 1:46 pm Idk… I see the Jacks of the world as one side of the coin, with the assaulters on the other side. Both of them are about dominance. One is “let me play a dominant role so I can help/protect you” and the other is, well. The major yuck I get from the Jacks of the world is that so many of them have the same psychoemotional makeup of the assaulters, it just manifests in a different suite of actions. Still major yuck though.
MsSolo (UK)* December 12, 2023 at 5:45 am It’s not even really manifesting in a whole different suite, just different behaviours for different people in their lives. There’s a reason there’s a disproportionate proportion emergency service employees with domestic abuse charges against them (especially, but not only, the police) – I know what’s best for you and have the authority to protect you whether you want it or not manifests on a scale, rather than a switch.
Falling Diphthong* December 11, 2023 at 12:10 pm This brought me such joy to read. That so many people around LW figured out how to be genuinely helpful.
MassMatt* December 11, 2023 at 12:23 pm Wow, what an update! Your initial letter and first update was infuriating, I am so glad that things got better at work and you are doing better. Continue taking care of your self!
Scooter34* December 11, 2023 at 12:29 pm LW, you have restored my faith that companies CAN correct course and become better advocates for their people. I am delighted you are getting the support and self-care you need. Best wishes for the future!
GotTheTshirt* December 11, 2023 at 12:31 pm Uhmazeballs! So happy for you OP!! I think a lot of crime shows trivialize assault like, “she’s fine an hour later.” People who haven’t experienced it don’t GET IT. I’m so happy your company took care of you (eventually), you’re maintaining success at work, AND were brave enough to dip a toe back into dating!! I KNOW how hard THAT must have been. Kudos and All The Best as we move into another New Year soon!
No Yelling on the Bus* December 11, 2023 at 1:43 pm This is so true. I think Hollywood has really effed up our collective “understanding” of some things.
Moo* December 11, 2023 at 12:39 pm If we had an update of the year poll this one would be my top vote!
Gigi* December 11, 2023 at 12:40 pm Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. When was the last time you read something where everyone did the best possible thing? I’m so happy for you, OP, but also for humanity knowing an ending like this is possible. Also, new BF sounds amazing. I’m thrilled for you both.
anon,pls* December 11, 2023 at 12:52 pm OP – wishing you continued healing and all the success in the world. As an assault survivor, I know it isn’t easy to trust again. You are doing it, and thriving. Kudos!!!
Jane* December 11, 2023 at 1:09 pm OP, my heart felt so full reading this. <3 I'm so happy to hear you're doing better!
Project Maniac-ger* December 11, 2023 at 1:14 pm I’m not usually one to fire on the first offense, but Jack and Jane showed such terrible decision making (cornering an assault survivor?!) here that there was no coming back from this. I’m so glad to hear you are doing well!
Candi* December 14, 2023 at 3:45 am I wouldn’t consider it a first offense for Jane. LW was clear that Jane had continually been nosy and would. not. back. off. Aka, escalating harassment. Jack was fuzzier, but from the terrible judgement he showed, I doubt he’d been keeping his mouth shut until then either. I’m glad LW is done with both of them, and that her work stepped up when they realize how bad it was. And I am so glad she was able to recover so much of her mental health.
Former Young Lady* December 11, 2023 at 1:31 pm OP, I’m so pleased to see this update. I’m glad to hear leadership was able to recognize how serious the problems were, and to ultimately make things right. Still, none of those positive changes would have happened if it weren’t for your courage. I hope your bosses remember that, always.
Hrodvitnir* December 11, 2023 at 1:33 pm Good god. I don’t think I saw the original update. That is just horrifying. So glad management came through and you are doing well, LW. ❤️
Frodo* December 11, 2023 at 1:35 pm Best update in the history of AAM updates!! I’m so happy for you!
Ms. Murchison* December 11, 2023 at 1:37 pm LW, thank you for choosing to share this update. With all the bad bosses we hear about here, it’s so nice to hear about management that realized their error and took action to improve a situation.
Dawn* December 11, 2023 at 1:39 pm I am so glad to hear that this had such a happy ending for you in the long run – not to minimize the trauma you went through to get there. I’ve never forgotten your letters and I’m so happy for you.
No Yelling on the Bus* December 11, 2023 at 1:42 pm I am SO HAPPY to hear this update. I had a similar traumatic experience (the non-work part) and what you said at the end about your new beau is very familiar. I am about 10-11 years after that point and happy to say that some elements of my PTSD are still there but it is really amazing for me to reflect on all the things that *used* to be triggering and now no longer are. Also, it is almost a “secret superpower” now because my antennae are so finely tuned I am VERY good at spotting people who are no bueno, while no longer being hypervigilant. I still have to work (daily) on managing and supporting and being gentle with my nervous system since trauma re-wires your panic buttons, but it’s a totally different world than 10 years ago. Wishing you a strong recovery my friend.
Melody* December 11, 2023 at 1:50 pm I’m so happy for you! And I’m so thankful that your bosses 1) admitted their role in your trauma and 2) made lots of huge changes to correct their course and make sure it doesn’t happen again! What a wonderful update. Thank you for sharing!
SHEILA, the co-host* December 11, 2023 at 2:04 pm Good on these bosses for realizing they made a huge mistake and taking proactive steps to correct them. Obviously it would have been better if they had been proactive from the start, but given how we’re so used to seeing companies sweep this kind of thing under the rug, I’m glad to see a different response. I do wish that their awakening hadn’t come at the expense of re-traumatizing the OP, though.
pupperoni* December 11, 2023 at 2:30 pm I’m so happy that things have improved so much for you, OP, and I also want to thank you for sharing your experiences here. While of course it would have been better if things had been handled differently from the start, this is a lovely example of how much better things can get when management acknowledges their mistake, enforces appropriate consequences on bad actors, and makes improvements for those wronged. It would have been really easy for them to not take the extra time and resources to correct their mistakes and the whole company, not just OP, would have been the worse for it.
Jamie (he/him)* December 11, 2023 at 2:35 pm Aww, LW, what a fantastic update! It’s like the universe has paid you double for your strength and power. Good on you!
Blarg* December 11, 2023 at 2:51 pm All the things others have said OP, and thanks for sharing your story with us. Asking AAM’s advice comes with the “contributions” of the commentariat, and putting this out there had to be daunting. I’m impressed with your bravery, openness, and the work that you are doing to care for yourself. (Also, I live in a 600 sq ft apartment by myself and if two other people lived here … Glad you & your kitties have a safe, quiet place all your own!)
The Perpetual Office Youth* December 11, 2023 at 6:51 pm There have been several good updates this season but this is the best. I’m so glad LW is on a path of healing and has such a supportive employer.
Numbat* December 11, 2023 at 10:13 pm So much respect and love to you OP, so glad to hear how things are turning out. You’re doing all the hard things and you will reap all the rewards. Go you!!!
Cardboard Marmalade* December 12, 2023 at 12:50 am OP, thank you for this generous and detailed update, it truly brought me to tears.
Alice* December 12, 2023 at 6:40 am Oh, I am so glad to read this. Thank you for updating us, OP. It was so infuriating to read all the things that were piling up on you. I can’t express how glad I (internet stranger that I am) am that things are so much better. Best wishes to you.
Cyndi* December 12, 2023 at 11:01 am I’ve thought about you a lot, LW, and I’m so so glad things are going well for you.
Anonymous For Now* December 13, 2023 at 1:44 am This is like one of the good kind of fairytales – the ones that start out with the heroine being badly treated but then her life turns around and there is a happy ending.