when a job candidate reschedules their interview at the last minute

by Alison Green on June 26, 2024

A reader writes:

What’s the best way to ask a job applicant why they need to cancel or reschedule their interview at the last minute if they don’t offer an explanation? My company hires a good number of people who are fresh out of school and may not have much professional experience, so I don’t want to hold it against them if they don’t realize that missing an appointment for a genuine emergency won’t disqualify an otherwise solid candidate, but I also obviously don’t want to recommend an unreliable candidate.

How can I ask what happened in a way that’s not overly invasive or accusatory?

I answer this question — and three others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

Other questions I’m answering there today include:

  • Should you mention an employee’s smell during a reference check?
  • When people say their boss yelled at them, do they mean it literally?
  • Should I contact my strongest candidates before our application deadline closes?
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{ 202 comments }

{ 202 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Scottish Teapot*

    Personally I wouldn’t ask. If you can reschedule it last minute then do it. If you can’t then let the candidate know. This might give you an insight into their reasoning.

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    1. Ella*

      I believe everybody gets one free reschedule with no reason given.

      This belief was solidified for me when a job candidate arrived at their interview having just sh*t their pants.

      Reply ↓
      1. Elitist Semicolon*

        I was all set to disagree with you as a universal premise until I read your second sentence. Yikes.

        Reply ↓
        1. Ella*

          Most people don’t use the one free reschedule. I don’t think people should try to use it. I just think they should get one, if they need it, and that sometimes the situation merits.

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          1. DrMrsC*

            I went to an interview for a department director position a few years ago as I was coming down with something. I pushed through the interview not saying anything, but feeling pretty feverish. In hindsight I’m guessing it looked a lot like being anxiously red faced and “glistening” under pressure.
            Fortunately I had already decided to withdraw after meeting the aggressively adversarial team I would have been leading and having my interview day facilitated by my prospective boss who repeatedly introduced me by the wrong name (along the line of Danielle vs. Denise). Bullet dodged.

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          2. Never Boring*

            My mom once had to reschedule because her father suddenly died. Of course, she offered that information.

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      2. Audiophile*

        Oh no! That poor candidate. That must have been awful for them, especially feeling like they had no choice but to show up anyway.

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        1. Pastor Petty Labelle*

          It gets caught in moderation and makes more work for Alison. So self-censoring is being kind, not a prude.

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        3. Ella*

          TBH my main reason was not wanting to have to choose which vowel to put in place of the asterisk. Felt equally like it could have been an i or an a and the * let me move on with my day.

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        1. Ella*

          If it helps, I rescheduled the interview instead of interviewing them in that state, in an attempt to solidify it for them as well.

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      5. ferrina*

        I like that policy.

        I did have a candidate who used his free reschedule then tried to get another reschedule. His reasons for both of the reschedules was transportation issues (he offered the reason without prompting). It was strange issues too- if I remember right, the first time was a foreseeable logistical issue, and the second time the issue was that his spouse was traveling with him and had an anxiety attack. He also didn’t acknowledge that it was unusual reasons or an inconvenience to us. We did not go with him.

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        1. Ella*

          I do prefer that when people use the free reschedule, they throw in a “sorry about the inconvenience!” at some point.

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        1. Ella*

          I let them know that this was a situation for rescheduling, rescheduled the interview, and told them to leave and come back at the new time.

          I am, personally, one of those people who is really sensitive to smells, so I hope that they didn’t notice that I tried to handle the entire interaction while holding my breath. But for that same reason, no matter how much they might have been able to do a great job answering my questions under the circumstances, I couldn’t have fairly rated their performance, so we for sure had to reschedule.

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    2. ecnaseener*

      I agree there’s not really any point in asking. When prompted, most people will be smart enough to say it was a personal emergency, and will that really make you feel any more confident about them?

      Reply ↓
    3. SheLooksFamiliar*

      Human things happen to humans, whether or not they’re interviewing. Why make the candidate feel more awkward than they already do by calling more attention to the reschedule?

      I only asked about this when a referral had already rescheduled, and did it again. That’s a different situation, and was/is warranted.

      Reply ↓
    4. Hyaline*

      I would think that, often, the process of rescheduling would reveal the problem, too–“OK, we can reschedule, when will you be available?” “I think it’s the flu, so I expect to feel better by Thursday/My mom will be in the hospital until next week/Anytime, I just got in a car accident on the way and couldn’t make it in time today, but I’m fine!”

      I feel like the “I need to educate the youth” is a well-meaning mindset, but it’s also not necessary. The youth will educate themselves and if they’re consistently flaking on interviews they’ll learn; they’ll also discover that most people are understanding about genuine emergencies.

      Reply ↓
      1. Tau*

        I had to reschedule two interviews one day out when I was hunting for my first job. One of the two were absolutely understanding, no problem at all, hope you feel better soon. The other decided to lecture me about how I should know this was very unprofessional behaviour and I should be aware this sort of thing would sabotage me in my career.

        …the reason I was scheduling was because I was having major problems with fibroids which meant that, in addition to being so anemic I’d collapsed in the street a little while before, I was (not to put too fine a point on it) bleeding so heavily I couldn’t leave the house. But sure, just assume I’m a flaky young person calling off on a lark. I guess the professional thing to do would be to drag myself to the interview no matter what?

        As you can tell, I still hold a grudge.

        Reply ↓
    5. Beth*

      Same. I wonder if reframing this in your mind might help, OP. Someone who contacts you to cancel or reschedule isn’t unreliable! It’s not like a no call/no show; they’re doing the reliable, professional thing by reaching out in advance. You don’t need to check their reason to confirm it’s good enough.

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      2. MM*

        This is more or less what I was taught, from the other side (as the rescheduler/person asking for something). There’s no reason to go through all your reasons and story; none of that is information they person on the other end needs. They need to know that you’re rescheduling and when you will be available. The rest is just getting in their way with things they have no reason to care about.

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    6. Bad Wolf*

      I agree. Treat the candidate like a professional adult and don’t pry into their personal life. It’s none of your business. If you can’t accommodate the reschedule let them know.

      Reply ↓
    7. JC*

      I once rescheduled a job interview I cared about deeply (and a job I later got) because the police notified me that day that the sexual assault report I filed against someone was being dropped and I needed time to process and cope.

      There’s no way in hell I would have shared that information had I been asked and moreover sometimes personal things are personal.

      Reply ↓
  2. ThursdaysGeek*

    A couple of years ago, my spouse was called on the carpet at work for yelling at a co-worker. When he told me about that, I was confused: he doesn’t yell or get angry. It turns out, rather than being his usual pleasant self, he expressed to her that he was dissatisfied with her lack of action. His voice probably got quieter. She interpreted that as yelling, and she was better at telling tales than doing work (from his reporting, so I only have it second hand).

    Reply ↓
    1. Goldenrod*

      This is a pet peeve of mine. I have a friend who describes her boss as “yelling” at her, but when you dig further into it, it’s not yelling just expressing disapproval.

      No matter how bad that makes you feel, it’s still not yelling. My worst ever boss was horrible to me…but she knew she couldn’t get away with yelling, so she didn’t do it. But let’s be honest about what people actually do and don’t do.

      Reply ↓
      1. Nethwen*

        Goldenrod, I agree with you, but also want to add that people learn different meanings for words. Growing up, “yelling” was the word used for scolding and the like, even though rarely were voices raised more than half a notch or so. In college, I commented to my favorite professor that I dreaded taking a class because the [different] professor had a reputation for yelling at students. From my favorite professor’s response, I gathered that to him “yelling” meant a literal raised volume. Embarrassed, I made a point of learning other words for what I term “yelling.” However, I know from experience that not everyone is as motivated as I am to adapt their vocabulary so that they are communicating what they think they are. Follow-up questions and context clues are my friends.

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        1. Turquoisecow*

          Yeah kids often say “I got yelled at” when they mean “I was reprimanded,” and there was no yelling involved. It’s a confusing quirk of the English language I think.

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          1. Bast*

            It is an interesting quirk, never thought of it as mentioned above. I worked with a woman (NOT a kid though, decades older than myself), who would say we were “yelling” at her whenever she was given any sort of reprimand or feedback that wasn’t 100% positive. No one’s voice was ever raised.

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        3. Lurker*

          I have this same bad habit-I grew up using “yelling” to mean a correction, a scolding, etc. I’m also working to stop this habit and be more specific instead.

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      2. zuzu*

        My second-worst boss until he was dethroned didn’t yell; he *hissed.* I worked in Biglaw, and this guy was a counsel who was never going to make partner* who abused the associates and paralegals but treated the clerks and admins like gold. The result was, half our team hated him and half our team loved him, and the half who hated him didn’t trash him to the half who loved him, because they didn’t make enough money to listen to us whine.
        But he worked hard to maintain his image as benevolent in front of the admins, and that meant he had to abuse the associates and paralegals quietly, because his office was small and an admin sat right outside, where she could overhear him if he yelled at us on the phone. So he would call us and threaten and berate us in a low hiss. It’s been 25 years, and I still get nightmares from that particular tone of voice. I sobbed in my office every day.

        BTW, the guy who dethroned him was at a later job, but because he was a named partner, he just straight-up yelled and insulted. I did not last long there. One person lasted a single day.
        _________
        * There’s a whole story involving him shoving an associate in front of a whole courtroom full of opposing counsel while away on trial because she told him something he didn’t want to hear. It was known as the “million-dollar shove” around the firm because the opposing counsel called up the partner and the department head and asked if the associate was all right, which meant the story came out, and meant my boss was never going to make partner, and thus, was going to miss out on millions in equity.

        Reply ↓
        1. Richard Hershberger*

          Good for the first firm, as many would have no problem with this behavior, as shown by the second firm.

          Reply ↓
          1. zuzu*

            Oh, that firm was a horrorshow; his main problem was that he didn’t make partner *prior* to shoving the associate, and that he did it in front of opposing counsel.

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        2. Goldenrod*

          “It’s been 25 years, and I still get nightmares from that particular tone of voice. I sobbed in my office every day.”

          My god, I’m so sorry. That’s awful.

          My worst ever boss understood that she couldn’t yell at me (or anyone) because she was the President of HR for a large university. I was her EA. So that was…fun.

          Very similar situation to yours, in the sense that she never actually yelled, but she did talk to me in the most horrible, soft-spoken, demeaning, mean, nasty, condescending, and cruel way.

          No yelling. But, boy, was she abusive.

          Reply ↓
          1. The Rafters*

            We had one like this too. I fortunately was never one of her victims, but one story is that she did not yell at, but berated a colleague. The employees in the surrounding area all complained to HR about her attitude before her victim could.

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        4. BigLaw Survivor*

          This sounds like Skadden’s NY office. I worked there as a word processing operator in the 90’s and attorneys were free to abuse staff with impunity. One senior associate screamed at me (not hyperbole, he was literally screaming) for accidentally printing a document when he had said not to print anything — he was so enraged I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Good times.

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          1. zuzu*

            Hahahahahaahahaha.

            I will neither confirm or deny, but how long did it take you to stop having nightmares after you left?

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      3. Laura LL*

        Being criticized or being spoken harshly to are pretty common alternate meanings for yelling. I pretty much never think that people were actually yelled at when they say they were because it’s such a common use of the word.

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        1. Arthenonyma*

          Whereas I’ve only ever heard it used to mean shouting! I think the more common synonym for scolding around here would be “getting told off” or “getting a telling off” (at least, those are the safe for work versions).

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    2. Distracted Procrastinator*

      I ran into this sort of phrasing with middle schoolers. Any form of correction was “yelling.” I found it very frustrating because I made an effort to communicate in an effective, constructive way and that effort was undermined by their hyperbole. It also put my job at risk if admin took their phrasing seriously.

      It’s disheartening to hear grown adults still behaving and talking like middle schoolers.

      Reply ↓
    4. Artemesia*

      I had an admin make a minor mistake which meant we had to redo a report. It was no big deal stuff happens. I just pointed it out and asked her to correct and reprint it. I overheard later that I was ‘FURIOUS and yelled at her.’ Absolutely not so.

      On another occasion a particularly sloppy admin had copied an article to be used in a class cutting off the edge of the text on all pages. So I told her it would need to be recopied. She whined to another professional how unreasonable I was. My peer just looked at her and said ‘how do you expect people to read this? Of course it needs to be redone.’ I suspect both of us got described as ‘yelling at her.’

      I would never assume someone was abusive unless I observed it or the description was a lot more vivid and consistent. If several people tell me that Jim throws chairs, kicks over wastebaskets and screams — I’m going to believe it. But ‘yelling’ — yeah I have to see it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Goldenrod*

        “I would never assume someone was abusive unless I observed it or the description was a lot more vivid and consistent”

        Yes, I agree. Context and history is everything.

        With my previous boss (and I’m sure in many of the examples above), everyone knew she was abusive, because everyone witnessed it and received some version of it themselves.

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    5. Cat lady*

      Ugh, my boyfriend will say I’m “yelling” at him anytime we have a disagreement, and it’s really upsetting to me because I grew up with an emotionally abusive father who was always screaming at us, and so I’ve made a conscious decision to NEVER raise my voice at ANYONE EVER, so when someone accuses me of yelling, it’s very triggering and makes me feel like they’re calling me abusive, plus also like they’re gaslighting me since I know my voice wasn’t raised. My boyfriend thinks it’s no big deal that he refers to any mild chastisement as ‘yelling’ and I’ve had to really do a lot of emotional labor to explain to him why it’s not okay to accuse me of yelling when I’m not. It’s exhausting, frankly. Luckily he has many other good qualities to make up for it.

      Reply ↓
  3. KnitThis*

    Re the smelly employee….this is a good reason for doing at least one in person interview. It can be a nightmare to work around, even after confronted. We had a whole team request WFH pre-pandemic over one employee who must have bathed in perfume and fabric softener.

    The receiving manager might have felt duped as in “they passed this problem off to me”. I’d definitely make sure they knew it wasn’t purposeful.

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    1. CupcakeCounter*

      Yeah – it sucks but probably the best response would be to highlight how long it had been since you worked with the employee as well as your knowledge of her more recent manager’s actions.
      “I haven’t worked with her in over X amount of time and I know previous manager had HR address it with her so I wasn’t aware it was an ongoing issue”.

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    2. Ultimate Facepalm*

      I really think the OP & their coworker should have mentioned it. It’s definitely relevant and can cause problems. I have worked with people who smelled so bad that I gagged walking 15 feet behind them. I would not be able to sit near them, and the coworkers should not have to. If it was an issue in the past, especially if it required multiple conversations to resolve, I think it’s a miss to not have said something. I hope OP was able to smooth things over with the (understandably upset) current manager!

      Reply ↓
        1. Ultimate Facepalm*

          Great question! Maybe interviews weren’t in person, or the employee took care of it for one day? Definitely a solid arguement for in-person interviews regardless.

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        2. Artemesia*

          A person who has been reprimanded often for her hygiene is likely to know to shower before an interview. MOST people who smell truly terrible have bad hygiene and/or bad laundry practices. I once worked with a professional who often smelled bad and I believe her problem was failure to launder bras and such often enough — it was that stale clothes smell. In humid climates clothes that are not thoroughly dried can get that musty smell.

          Of course it can have a medical cause — but not a single one of the people I have had to deal with around this as a manager was smelly for medical reasons — it was always failure to bathe, use deodorant and to properly maintain clothing. It is often awkwardly confounded with cultural norms.

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          1. kupo*

            In the past I simply could not get my clothes to stop smelling musty even after washing them. New clothes would start to smell musty, too. I thought maybe the washing machines at my complex were bad. Nope! The dryer sheets I thought were helping were leaving a layer of film that trapped the moisture onto the fabric. Ditching the dryer sheets fixed the problem. I use the wool balls now.

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          2. OdorCanBeMedical*

            Hi! I’m your mythical person. I can smell for medical reasons. I don’t all of the time and I do not have any idea when I do or don’t. I assure you my doctors and I have already addressed everything that can be addressed medically. It is exhausting having to tell people all of their lovely suggestions don’t work and why. Trust me, I’ve already tried or been told by doctors I can’t try anything you can possibly think of doing.

            I have some performative things I sometimes do if employers insist – like keeping an air freshener at my desk or, if they have an office shower and can accommodate a way for me to keep everything I need to shower at the office, showering at the office a few times a month so folks see I still smell right after I shower (wet hair), but honestly odor is part of life. My doctors think those employers that decide to make a thing about it are being ridiculous, especially if medical information that this is normal and expected is not considered a sufficient response if it becomes an issue.

            FWIW, it’s only brought up about 25% of the time. My other employers have been smart enough to realize that I’m an adult and if it was something I could change I would.

            I would be livid if it was brought up in a reference. I certainly would expect someone to tell me they’re not comfortable being a reference if they felt they’d need to bring it up.

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      2. WorkerDrone*

        Yeah, I agree completely. This is a legitimate work issue that could have farther-reaching effects than one might think. I think OP should have said something about it, and I don’t blame the current manager for being upset that they didn’t.

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    3. Roland*

      I think that requiring an in-person interview for everyone just for this reason is an overreaction. 99.9% of people don’t have this issue, and if they do then you can address it. It feels like Too Much to start basing policy that can greatly inconvenience people off of an outlier situation.

      Reply ↓
  4. Anon in Canada*

    #4

    In some cases (especially in public-sector jobs), there may be an internal policy that forbids rolling interviews. However…

    -If you list a deadline, honor it. Do not even look at resumes before the deadline – the deadline is the deadline. In such a case, you probably shouldn’t keep the posting up for 30 days – 14 days would be more reasonable. It doesn’t need to stay up that long, and keeping it up that long runs a risk of losing strong candidates who applied right at the beginning because they’ll have accepted another offer by the time you contact them.
    and
    -If you are doing rolling interviews. DO NOT LIST A DEADLINE. Doing so is, in effect, lying to applicants.

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    1. the Viking Diva*

      There is a middle way: “Review of applications will begin on X date and will proceed until the position is filled.” This enables me to start reviewing files, communicate with the folks who look plausible (and inform the ones that firmly do not make the cut), and keep the posting open so that strong applications still come in. In practice I have HR close the posting once I’ve got a viable pool.

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      1. Jessica*

        Exactly. This sort of soft deadline lets people know that if they want to definitely be considered, they should apply by X, but allows us to leave the posting open longer in case we don’t have a good enough pool by X.

        Also, if the LW is in the US, and if they anticipate possibly wanting to hire a foreign national, they may need to run the posting for 30 days for immigration-related reasons.

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    2. Cabbagepants*

      I don’t agree. I think it’s reasonable to both interview great candidates as they come in, and also have a date after which you stop accepting applicants. I don’t see how any of it is lying.

      Reply ↓
      1. Gullible Vengeance Umpires*

        100% agree. We have a date you must apply by, but begin screening candidates as soon as their applications come in. This is recent best practice implemented to speed up the hiring process and avoid losing good candidates to long timelines.

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      2. Elitist Semicolon*

        But employers who don’t make it clear that applications will be reviewed on a rolling basis/that a job is open until filled aren’t acting in good faith with respect to potential applicants, for whom preparing an application (depending on the job) may take some time. It really sucks to have to pull together a tailored resume and cover letter and then get an automated email within a day – before the deadline has officially passed – saying that the position has been filled. If you post a job with a deadline of X, then people expect that their application will be considered up until X.

        See also: places that don’t post a deadline at all.

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        1. Anon in Canada*

          100% agree. Listing a deadline but making an offer before the deadline (without including language in the ad explaining that the position could be filled earlier) is operating in bad faith, and is lying to candidates.

          Unless the organization is subject to internal policies that forbid looking at applications or making an offer before the deadline (as is the case in lots of public sector organizations), just don’t post a deadline at all.

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        2. General von Klinkerhoffen*

          I agree with this.

          I’m preparing an application at the moment which has a closing date in mid July. I’m getting stuck naming referees (because they want more than usual and it’s not an optional field) and I’m nervous that they’ll shortlist before the deadline.

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      3. Prof*

        it’s lying because it means my application may not be considered even if I submit by the stated deadline. I’ve had it happen as an applicant, and it’s infuriating. Applicants are applying for dozens of jobs and are prioritizing in part based off deadlines. If you tell me it’s a rolling deadline, I will submit earlier. If you want to do rolling consideration, just say that’s what you’re doing. Just be transparent about your process.

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    3. Lisa*

      I agree that if you list a deadline, you need to honor it, but to me that means genuinely considering all applications received by that deadline, not ignoring applications until then. You might miss out on someone you talked to early because they find something else, but that’s the tradeoff. If you’re not willing to do that, don’t give a deadline.

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  5. Falling Diphthong*

    Re #3, apparently one reason office sitcoms work so well is that it mimics the structure of a family. The bosses are the parents. The workers are the kids. Accounts Receivable is the wacky neighbor.

    Which is to say, for a lot of people “a person in authority has expressed a negative emotion about my actions” (or sometimes just “issued a normal work correction in a normal voice”) hits an emotional button that comes across as “Parent is yelling at me.”

    On thinking about it, I would guess that because work environment is actually a thing over which an adult has control, the phrase “boss yelled at me” is rarely used literally. It’s either “my boss corrected me about something, which in my gut feels like they are yelling at me for screwing up” or it’s “I don’t even mention my boss yelling at me because they do that every day, like all bosses in all offices–it would be like saying the sun came up.” The middle group who are literally yelled at, but view that as an extreme outlier reaction, clear themselves out of that group by finding a different job.

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    1. SheLooksFamiliar*

      Heh. I’ve often joked that some people got their career advice watching sitcoms – Gumption Saves The Day! – and this makes sense, too.

      I haven’t heard a lot of actual yelling at work, maybe raised voices due to frustration. But I can see how that would get translated into ‘yelling’ because of the tense circumstances.

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  6. Rainy*

    I had a coworker in the finance department who was an awful human being with a really quiet voice, and while her volume was never to the point of what I would usually consider yelling, she did raise her voice relative to her normal tone when she was berating people. She also called them names when she was doing this–nothing vulgar or obscene, but I heard her berate a colleague once from down the hall, and she called her stupid, asked her if she was an idiot, demanded responses to her condescending questions and then declared them “not good enough”, and accused her of manufacturing a fraudulent surcharge, in collusion with an employee at an electronics store in order to pocket the money, thus defrauding our employer and embezzling money.

    This lasted a good 20 minutes and she did it from the doorway. Everyone heard. My colleague was audibly crying after the first 5 or 10 minutes.

    It wasn’t shouting per se, I guess, but it sure wasn’t appropriate and my colleague later described it–justifiably–as being “yelled at”.

    The charge in question was a $25 rush delivery fee for a replacement electronic device my colleague’s team needed for an event beginning the next morning, discovered at the last minute when the old one wouldn’t power up. Finance!jerk berated someone for 20 minutes and called them names over 25 dollars.

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    1. ecnaseener*

      Oof. Yeah, I think berating is a legit definition of “yelling at,” and arguably scolding meets that bar too. I think the letter writer is talking about cases where even a calm, polite critique is interpreted as a scolding and then referred to as getting yelled at. So it’s probably a good idea to cover those bases — did she literally yell? If not — did she berate you? What did she actually say?

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      1. Jessen*

        This is one case where I don’t love Alison’s response because I think starting with “did she actually raise her voice?” is likely to shut down people who are legitimately dealing with abusive communication that didn’t involve a voice raised over a certain amount. It comes across as too skeptical too quickly. I’d prefer a more neutral response of trying to find out more information – the real issue here isn’t whether voices were raised, but differentiating between a polite correction or criticism and someone being berated or harassed.

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    2. Goldenrod*

      “It wasn’t shouting per se, I guess, but it sure wasn’t appropriate and my colleague later described it–justifiably–as being “yelled at”.”

      I still don’t think it’s justifiable to call it being yelled at, because she wasn’t yelling. I think it’s important to be honest and clear about what it was – awful, abusive, inappropriate, unprofessional, unacceptable – lots of terrible things. But it wasn’t yelling. So don’t call it yelling.

      My former boss could teach a masterclass in how to abuse people without actually yelling. So it’s not okay! But I think it’s important to talk more about what this kind of abuse actually looks like, because it’s possible to be extremely abusive *without* yelling. Let’s call it out for what it is.

      Otherwise, if you claim, “She yelled at me” then the abusive boss can honestly say, “No, I didn’t, my voice was quiet” and then she can be backed up by witnesses (because that was the truth) and then…you’ve lost the argument.

      Do the work to describe what really happened. It’s better for us all in the long run.

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      1. Rainy*

        I mean, I did clearly state that her voice was louder than her normal volume and we could hear it in our offices down the hall, so I think volume-wise she was yelling–for her.

        Content-wise it was absolutely unacceptable, as I told her manager.

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      2. Socks*

        Honestly, I think expecting people to stop using “yelled at” as a synonym for “berated” is a losing battle.

        Personally, if Alex said Sam yelled at them, and Sam’s only defense was, “I never raised my voice,” my questions for witnesses would be less about whether Sam was technically yelling and more about what they actually said to Alex. And if I were a witness being asked about whether Sam “yelled,” my answer would start with, “Maybe they weren’t technically yelling, but…” and end with the list of horrible things Sam said.

        The only situation I can imagine where you would lose the argument for saying “yelling” instead of “berating” would be if they were biased against you to begin with.

        Reply ↓
        1. Six for the truth over solace in lies*

          Yes. This is an issue of language drift, and it’s been drifting that way for a long time. “My parents yelled at me about not doing the dishes” when they in fact calmly reprimanded you has been a thing since I was a kid in the 1980s. And yes, it has a certain mildly juvenile feel, but young people are on the cutting edge of language change, so that’s not unusual.

          It’s frustrating, certainly, when the difference between “raised voice” and “stern but calm conversations” is blurred, but trying to push back the tide on this is not going to work. If someone needs clarification, they’re probably going to have to ask which.

          Reply ↓
          1. Melody Powers*

            Pushing back may not work but I still find that blurring very frustrating. I had a terrible job where I was stuck in a department with a bunch of teenagers, and this caused me a lot of stress. Either they would say they were yelled at and I would be concerned until I probed more and realized that their version of “I was screamed at” was actually being mildly corrected, and I would be frustrated again by their inability to take feedback, or they would report to each other that I was yelling or angry at times when I just made a passing comment where I was barely even mildly annoyed by the situation and I would be frustrated by how the hyperbole made me sound unreasonable.

            Reply ↓
  7. Heidi*

    I can see not wanting to mention the smell issue. Since there were all these other performance issues, it might have across as gratuitously mean (i.e., “She created all these problems for me and my coworkers…and she SMELLS!”). The hiring manager could just be mad that they didn’t listen to the OP about the legit performance problems and is holding onto the one problem the OP didn’t warn them about.

    Reply ↓
    1. Ann O'Nemity*

      The hiring manager ignored a lot of red flags (3 jobs in one year, performance problems with the LW). Sounds like they made a bad hire and are looking for someone to blame.

      Reply ↓
      1. WellRed*

        Agreed. It’s also a lesson for the original employer to recognize the inherent issues in keeping a problematic employee on instead of letting them go.

        Reply ↓
      2. Artemesia*

        This. I always ask if they would hire this person again. I would tell someone that I would not hire again a person who persistently smelled and was a weak worker.

        Reply ↓
  8. Dr. Rebecca*

    #3, I use yelled at when someone has raised their voice or expressed obvious anger. I use “verbally spanked” for the non-literal type of yelling.

    Reply ↓
    1. Goldenrod*

      I do understand your point – but, ugh, I can’t deal with anyone using the word “spanked” at work. No, no, no.

      Reply ↓
      1. Elitist Semicolon*

        Yeah, that makes me uncomfortable too. Neither the reference to physical punishment nor the potential sexual connotation is exactly appropriate.

        Reply ↓
      2. Medium Sized Manager*

        I had a team member who used to say that I “spanked them for x previously” and they were shocked when I told them it was an inappropriate statement for the workplace. Just…no.

        Reply ↓
    2. Judge Judy and Executioner*

      If a voice isn’t raised, it’s not yelling, even if someone is expressing anger. And verbally spanked? Honestly that’s just gross and probably not something you should say in a work environment, or most other environments….

      Reply ↓
    3. Melissa*

      You definitely shouldn’t use the word “spanked” in a work environment. I think you can describe it that way to your spouse or BFF after work.

      Reply ↓
    4. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      That is way worse. You’re evoking either child abuse or a sexual situation and want it to be interpreted as *gentler* than “yelling”? No.

      Someone was chastised, or criticized, or whatever. But “spanked”? No.

      Reply ↓
    5. Ann O'Nemity*

      Spanked sounds worse!

      If I’m complaining about a reprimand that didn’t involve raised voices I might say “gave me a hard time.” As in, “Lumbergh gave me a hard time about the TPS reports.”

      If I need to be more careful about my wording I’ll say “coaching.” As in, “Lumbergh already gave me some coaching on the TPS reports, and I have the memo right here.”

      Reply ↓
  9. Hiring Mgr*

    Personally I don’t care if a candidate gives a reason for a reschedule, all sorts of things can come up last minute – Illness, childcare, plumbing disaster, and so on. Of course it’s nice of them to acknowledge that doing so is unusual, it’s an emergency, and they’d love to reschedule, but the specific reason doesn’t matter

    Reply ↓
    1. Artemesia*

      Being unreliable in the interview process is an enormous red flag and so I would definitely want to hear why. Of course they can lie but it is surprisingly common for people to have a lame reason.

      I am still a bit salty about the person vying for a coveted position in a program who missed her interview and was granted an opportunity to come in later at a good deal of trouble for the organization, was selected and then was the one person who flaked out of the program.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hiring Mgr*

        I hear you but I don’t think having to reschedule an interview at the last minute is a sign of unreliability. If it happens more than once, sure. But a one-time thing? Nah, all good

        Reply ↓
      1. Orv*

        My first interview out of college, the muffler fell off my (borrowed) car on the way to the office. I just kept driving and parked the car as far away from the building as I could so they wouldn’t hear it. Then I bought earplugs for the drive home.

        Reply ↓
    3. Orv*

      I once was 30 minutes late to an interview because I got lost. (This was pre-GPS, and I have a terrible sense of direction.) I still got the job, somehow. Fortunately orienteering was not one of the skills they were looking for.

      Reply ↓
  10. Sailor Susie*

    You wait 40 days from the application date to even contact the applicant?!

    Unless you’re hiring tenure track faculty, or offer a plum benefit that no one else does, or pay way above market rate, I can’t imagine you not winding up with mostly rock bottom remainders. Everyone else will have taken another job by then.

    Reply ↓
    1. Anon in Canada*

      Some will have taken another job, yes, (especially superstar candidates) but given how slow the hiring process is at almost all large companies nowadays, there will still be plenty who have not found another job yet.

      However as I said above, keeping the posting up for 30 days is too long; there is no reason why it needs to stay up that long. Everyone, employers and candidates, would be better off if the hiring process were sped up.

      Reply ↓
      1. Antilles*

        It’s true there’ll be plenty of candidates who haven’t yet gotten another job in 40 days, but it’s 40 days until they even *start* the process by sending the questionnaire. Figure the questionnaire itself is probably up for several days, then OP needs some time to vet the questionnaires and we’re likely talking more like 6-7 weeks before it’s even at the stage of phone calls. And in any case, I suspect the rest of their process is just as drawn-out.
        What probably happens is that OP’s process ends up primarily interviewing the candidates who apply near the end because the earlier ones will have moved on. Doesn’t mean you’re necessarily stuck with “rock bottom remainders” but that it ends up being the late bird who gets the worm in this case – because the early bird has already flown elsewhere.

        Reply ↓
        1. Artemesia*

          The questionnaire thing is terrible. Do a quick phone screen of the top 6 to 10 — and then move forward.

          And if you want to hold applications open for 30 days, let people know it is a rolling process and applications will be reviewed starting at 10 days.

          Reply ↓
      2. Elitist Semicolon*

        I mean, depending on sector (and maybe also region), there may be a reason 30 days is necessary on paper even though it’s not necessary in practice. I work for a state agency so the length of time a job posting with us has to be open is set by state law and we don’t have the power to shorten that time, lest the search be cancelled/otherwise jeopardized.

        Reply ↓
        1. Orv*

          Yeah, I work for a public university and I warn people who apply that it can be a couple months before they hear anything. We have the same kind of requirements.

          Reply ↓
      3. Obs*

        given how slow the hiring process is at almost all large companies nowadays, there will still be plenty who have not found another job yet.

        A good reason to work for startups.

        Reply ↓
    2. Turquoisecow*

      Yeah I really don’t understand why the people who submit early have to wait more than 30 days to even get a questionnaire! I can see leaving it open for only a month and then closing it, only reopening if the initial batch didn’t pan out, but I fail to see the advantage in making everyone wait a month. Especially since the first step is a questionnaire and not even a phone screen! Just send the questionnaire immediately when you receive the application, maybe with a note that interviews will be scheduled around X date. You’re already looking at resumes so there’s no reason not to begin scanning questionnaires also.

      Otherwise, there’s definitely a good chance that candidates will have moved on to another job or, unless this is a notoriously slow moving industry (academia?), assumed your company is disorganized with regard to hiring.

      Reply ↓
    3. Adam*

      Yeah, I’m currently job hunting, and I’ve gone from initial chat to offer in single-digit days in some cases. This presumably varies a bit by industry, but not even reviewing resumes before 40 days seems like a recipe for losing all the best candidates to other companies.

      Reply ↓
      1. Anon in Canada*

        It varies by industry and company/organization size. In my industry, getting an offer less than 2 months after applying would be a unicorn. The companies are large and they move extremely slow.

        However I could easily see small mom-and-pop blue-collar employers moving much faster, or employers in industries that have a shortage of workers (e.g., my friend got offered a school bus driver job the same day he applied, pending the background check).

        Reply ↓
      2. Six for the truth over solace in lies*

        Yeah, my department at a mid-sized tech company is snapping up top candidates as fast as we can, and we’re still losing out on some because we’re not quick enough. It’s going to really depend based on not only industry but location and position, but not even starting the process until 30-40 days would mean that we were left with only the less appealing candidates, unless we got really lucky and some top ones came through on day 25 or later.

        Reply ↓
    4. Coffee Protein Drink*

      Or if they haven’t taken another job, they may have completely forgotten who they applied to four to six weeks ago. “Who are you again?”

      Reply ↓
    5. Another Hiring Manager*

      This is just silly to me. There are going to be candidates that you won’t want to interview on the basis of their resume. Why would you not want to screen those out as soon as possible?

      Reply ↓
      1. Turquoisecow*

        Yes, and OP is reading resumes, so if they’ve identified someone they think is awesome they’ve likely identified some immediate “no”s also, why wait 30 days to just send a rejection letter and back up the process?!

        Reply ↓
    6. Analyst*

      having been on the market a while…they’re probably fine. Plenty of places taking their sweet time….

      Reply ↓
    7. Gumby*

      I can’t imagine you not winding up with mostly rock bottom remainders.

      I’d be thrilled to hire a member of the Rock Bottom Remainders. Ideally Dave Barry because he’d lighten up any workplace but quite a few of the other members would be strong candidates depending on the job. Obviously stronger if it involved writing than if it involved musicianship though they’d beat out a good portion of the population there too.

      (Okay, okay. Yeah I imagine strong candidates aren’t sitting around waiting to hear back for more than a month for a screening email! If they aren’t already hired elsewhere by the time you start the interview process they’d likely be much further along in the process with other organizations that are more flexible.)

      Reply ↓
  11. spcepickle*

    I had the same issue with a smelly person listing me as a reference. This guy had BO so bad I had to throw away his office chair and have a special carpet cleaning after he left.
    When he was applying to other positions within our company I would ask the hiring manager Is this a public facing roll and How much of this position can be done with teleworking. Based on those answer I would either not be concerned or HIGHLY push for an in person meeting (we do many interviews on Teams).
    Like Allison said – It was not my place to speculate on if the guy figured out his BO (he was talked to several times by HR) or how that would impact any specific position.

    Reply ↓
    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      In your case, this is a major memory. I think your employee did good work, so all things considered, the smell is a factor in the review. OP’s person did not. In OP’s case, the work product was so bad, it’s the major memory and OP was so focused on being fair but honest, that I believe OP forgot about it until after the call.

      Reply ↓
  12. Sanibel Island*

    My job had a candidate that last minute canceled three times. First time was something with their child, second time they had to attend to a family member overseas, third time they got COVID. We ultimately never interviewed them. On the one hand, at least they were legitimate excuses, but also, how bad of luck did this candidate have to cancel their interviews three times, all at the last minute? I want to be sympathetic, but also, something just doesn’t seem right with the pattern.

    Reply ↓
    1. as the crow flies*

      Bad luck can easily happen that much if someone is stretched thin enough. But that would also mean they’re likely to have trouble handling a new job.

      Reply ↓
      1. Sanibel Island*

        I would rather they not cancel their third scheduled interview 5 minutes before the start time. But I guess I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and got the swab 10 minutes before their start time, and waited for the process :)

        Reply ↓
  13. Peach Parfaits Pls*

    Yeah, people just need to remember that “yelled at” is a known colloquial metaphorical phrase for “was reprimanded/ corrected/ told I messed up” and gauge it accordingly when someone says so. It can be literal, or it can me shorthand for a fully appropriate interaction.

    Now. So I think it’s a great idea to still use that phrasing when you’re an adult in the workforce? No, because it’s extremely child/teen-coded language, and it’s using phrases more common in a school or parent context for a business interaction. (“Miss Sims yelled at me for drawing on the desk”.) It comes across as a little unsophisticated in an adult.

    But it’s still fairly common so people should just realize that and interpret accordingly.

    Reply ↓
    2. Goldenrod*

      “No, because it’s extremely child/teen-coded language, and it’s using phrases more common in a school or parent context for a business interaction.”

      This is a fantastic point! And another reason I don’t like it.

      Sort of similar to when adults at work talk about “getting in trouble.” As Alison always points out, we’re all adults, no one “gets into trouble” at work. Unless you did something illegal, but even then, the language would be different.

      Reply ↓
      1. New Jack Karyn*

        I dunno, a person can make mistakes at work and be in the doghouse. Even if it’s not PIP-worthy, you’re out of favor for a while. ‘Being in trouble’ encapsulates that pretty effectively.

        It’s not the same as ‘snitching’ or ‘being a tattle-tale’.

        Reply ↓
      2. Crystal Lettuce*

        That’s interesting, as a non-native English speaker (and a childless person) I never realised that these are child-coded phrases and use them at work sometimes. What are the more workplaces-appropriate synonyms for “yell” (meaning “raise one’s voice”, we have a manager who does it sometimes) and “get in trouble”?

        Reply ↓
        1. Socks*

          Describing raising one’s voice as “yelling” is pretty uncontroversial — it’s when it’s being used as an idiom that some people object. At least in my region of the US, “shouting” is less likely to be used non-literally than “yelling” and so might be clearer.

          For “got in trouble,” I’d just be more specific about what actually happened. “Got talked to about…” or “got a talking-to” would be pretty close in most situations I think.

          Reply ↓
        2. Goldenrod*

          Crystal Lettuce, in answer to your question about appropriate synonyms for work instead of “get in trouble”…

          I like some of Alison’s previous posts on this topic. It’s not so much finding a replacement word – it’s the whole mindset that is wrong. Adults don’t “get into trouble” at work. If you are struggling in a certain area, maybe you are receiving coaching, or your manager is working with you to improve performance or better meet expectations.

          If you had a lapse in judgement or made an ethical mistake, your boss would presumably point it out to you, have a discussion, and either work on doing it differently in the future, or consider the possibility that continued employment at this company is no longer an option.

          In other words – there’s no “in trouble.” Even if you are on a performance plan, even if you broke a law…There’s only “is your performance meeting expectations?” and “Is your employment here going to continue?” It shouldn’t be so personalized as to be about being “in trouble” because that’s a childish way of looking at it.

          Reply ↓
        3. StPG*

          Unless there is specific context indicating otherwise, I think you are very safe to assume that someone who says they were “yelled at” is using it in the colloquial sense rather than the literal. Sort of like how virtually everyone who tells you they “almost had a heart attack” is describing extreme surprise, not a literal health scare. And just like someone who reacts to “almost had a heart attack” with questions about ambulances and pacemakers, you’re going to come across oddly if you treat it like it’s literal.

          I’m not sure I agree that the phrase is kid-coded, though. I think the whole experience is less common the older and more experienced one gets, but I don’t feel like the phrase itself is particularly juvenile. I’m in the second half of my 30s and that wouldn’t feel like an out-of-place thing to hear or say in the context of being reprimanded at work.

          Reply ↓
  14. Cookie Monster*

    As someone who grew up in an abusive household where I WAS yelled at on a regular basis for no reason, it became a huge pet peeve of mine when I realized other people didn’t use ‘yell’ literally. When I figured out what my classmates really meant – their parents or a teacher got mad but didn’t actually yell – I was so mad they interpreted it as yelling. But kids don’t always have the best vocabularies (neither do adults, but still…).

    But when adults use ‘yell’ but don’t mean it literally, it’s more annoying. Just because you FEEL like a victim doesn’t mean you can lie about the other person’s actions to justify your feelings.

    Reply ↓
    1. Peach Parfaits Pls*

      Yeah, they weren’t interpreting it as yelling either, they were just using a stick non-literal phrase. I think it comes from pouty teens using hyperbole to express that they are chagrined at being reprimanded. They’re it expecting their audience to literally believe that shouting occurred, so it’s not a lie, just an idiom.

      But your example is a good reason to discourage it in adults, because when an adult still uses “yelled at”, they’re either sounding juvenile or they’re giving the wrong impression.

      Reply ↓
        1. Peach Parfaits Pls*

          *they’re NOT expecting their audience.

          (I’m going to throw this phone into the sea! The autocorrect is so bad!)

          Reply ↓
    2. Judge Judy and Executioner*

      I was also regularly screamed at growing up and there’s not many things that piss me off more than someone telling me I’m yelling when I haven’t even raised my voice.

      Reply ↓
    3. Goldenrod*

      “Just because you FEEL like a victim doesn’t mean you can lie about the other person’s actions to justify your feelings.”

      Yes, agreed!! +1000

      Reply ↓
      1. Alpacas Are Not Dairy Animals*

        Using commonplace non-literal language isn’t lying though. Otherwise everyone who says they skated through a review process that wasn’t taking place on a frozen lake or dropped the ball on a non-sports task would be lying.

        Reply ↓
    4. Jessen*

      I don’t think people are intending to lie, they’re just using a different meaning of the word.

      I have strong feelings about this on the other side because my abusive parent often used “Well I never yelled at you!!!” as a defense of their verbal abuse. And it was very confusing to me because while she didn’t literally raise her voice, I also didn’t have another word for what went on. I was pushed to say she “criticized” or “lectured” me by other adults (including therapists, honestly) and it always came across as just a way to excuse her behavior. I still don’t have a simple word for what happens when someone rips into you and verbally tears you apart for how horrible and worthless and evil you are as a person without raising their voice. But telling me I can’t say I was yelled at because the volume wasn’t high enough just comes across as minimizing what was still abusive behavior.

      Reply ↓
      1. Goldenrod*

        Jessen, I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s awful.

        For my part, I would never expect a child to use the exact perfect words to describe the experience of verbal abuse. That would be weird and abusive in itself.

        But in the context of an adult in a workplace – I think we should try a little harder to describe our experience as accurately as possible. In my own experience, I’ve witnessed and also experienced firsthand a TON of abusive behavior in the workplace, often perpetrated by people in positions of power who didn’t ever once raise their voice.

        So let’s try to get into the habit of articulating those events as accurately as we can. With the aim of hopefully holding them accountable for their behavior.

        Reply ↓
    5. Jackalope*

      Feel free to dislike “yelling” being used in a nonliteral way, but you’re jumping to negative conclusions about people’s motivations. It’s not lying to use a common idiom or expression in a nonliteral way, nor is it “justify[ing] your feelings” of “feel[ing] like a victim”. Most people using an idiom or expression aren’t thinking it through a ton, especially when upset, and aren’t deliberately lying.

      Reply ↓
      1. Goldenrod*

        I don’t think people who do this are trying to lie about anything. Someone was abusive to them at work, and they *felt* yelled at, so that’s what they called it.

        But just because they *felt* yelled at, doesn’t mean they *were* yelled at. I can see someone using the word in the heat of the moment because they didn’t think it through at the time.

        But what I’m saying is, maybe try harder to think it through later and articulate what actually happened.

        Reply ↓
  15. as the crow flies*

    Bad luck can easily happen that much if someone is stretched thin enough. But that would also mean they’re likely to have trouble handling a new job.

    Reply ↓
  16. I should really pick a name*

    #3
    One thing to consider is whether it even matters whether they were actually yelling or not.

    If it’s a situation where it actually matters, then ask. Some people mean it literally, some don’t.
    And to determine whether it matters or not, ask yourself if this is going to affect your actions in any way. Are they flagging behaviour from a higher up you might need to work for? Are they telling you about one of your reports who you can talk to about it?

    Reply ↓
  17. Kate*

    #1. Much like how if this person became an employee and called out, the reason would be none of your business, the reason for the rescheduling is none of your business. If you can accommodate, do, if you can’t, don’t. If they try to reschedule multiple times (much like if an employee called out multiple times) move on. But the idea that job seekers have to lay their lives out for hiring managers is absurd and dehumanizing.

    Reply ↓
    1. AngryOctopus*

      Exactly. Nobody should have to tell their interviewer that they have to reschedule due to a Crohn’s flareup, or a 2 day migraine, or getting food poisoning, or having to be with their child in the ER after they fall of the monkey bars, or or or…
      If they cancel more than once, you can move on with your life, as either this person is unreliable, or having a bad stroke of luck, but you can’t wait around for that to change.

      Reply ↓
    2. Artemesia*

      I want to hire reliable people. What I see during the interview process is ALL my business. There are people who feel tht showing up for work is optional; they also tend to not follow through on appointments reliably during hiring.

      Reply ↓
    4. MicroManagered*

      And I’d take it even a step further and say that a current employee has more of an obligation to explain than a candidate. A candidate doesn’t work for you yet, so they owe you nothing.

      If there’s an issue with the timing or manner of their request to reschedule, that’s a separate issue, but one adult asking another adult to reschedule an appointment is not a red flag in and of itself.

      Reply ↓
    5. NeedSomeReason*

      They don’t have to tell me what the illness is, but they’d better tell me it was a sudden illness or family emergency or they were in an accident on the way or something serious if they want me to reschedule.

      Reply ↓
  18. Kesnit*

    #1
    Several years ago, I interviewed with a public defender’s office in a rural jurisdiction. Thankfully, my wife (who drove with me because the job was 5 hours away) and I left really early – because we could not find the office. We had the address. The GPS was telling us where it was. But when we drove by, it wasn’t an office building and there was no sign saying it was the PD office. (In my state, PD offices – especially in rural or semi-rural locations – are put wherever space can be rented near the courthouse.) The building actually looked like a house. We drove past 3 times before I finally called and asked what the building looked like.

    Yes, I made it to the interview on time (because we got there so early). But that could easily have been a situation where I was late because I could not find the office. And I wasn’t new to the work force.

    Sometimes things just happen…

    #4
    If you are looking at resumes and the closing date isn’t a real end date, be honest and tell applicants that.

    When I was job-hunting and on unemployment, I had to apply for a certain number of jobs a week. If I knew a job would be posted for 2 more weeks, I would sometimes hold off on sending an application so I could count it for the next week. I would have hated to hold off on an application and then find the posting taken down earlier than they said it would.

    At another time, I had a paid fellowship with an office. The fellowship was only 4 months, but it turned out there was an opening in that office right about the time the fellowship ended. It took some time to put in my application because I needed to update my resume with the fellowship (and – to be honest – I wasn’t rushing because I thought I was a strong candidate because I had been working there and everyone knew and liked me!) I found out the day after I applied they had hired someone – a week before the job posting closed. Would it have made a difference if I had gotten my application in faster? Probably not, but I don’t know. The person they hired had been doing the same job in another city for several years, so I cannot fault them for hiring him. But at the same time, if I had gotten my application in before he did, would I have gotten the offer before he applied?

    Reply ↓
    1. AngryOctopus*

      I had to call an interviewer because the signage on the buildings was terrible, and I didn’t know that 670 and 680 were behind 690 (and I didn’t drive, so I didn’t see the sign on the road pointing the way). She walked through a hedge to come get me (there was a gap). Sometimes it’s just really hard to find places!

      Reply ↓
      1. Artemesia*

        To add to the fun, a not zero number of locations, are inaccurate on google maps. I once spent a lot of time driving on little roads of a subdivision across a main highway from where the office I was heading for was located. It was a known GPS problem that the office had not bothered to alert me about.

        Reply ↓
      3. Shandra*

        For whatever reason, navigation apps and devices direct to/from not my home street address, but the through alley behind my block which does have its own street name.

        One time I happened to go out my building’s rear door just as a confused delivery driver was trying to figure out where the heck he was. Fortunately I’d seen my neighbor go out front to wait for him, and I took her order in.

        Reply ↓
      4. Your Mate in Oz*

        I failed to attend an interview once because no-one thought to mention that behind a 200m+ long construction site there was an L shaped alleyway giving access to a couple of industrial units via a 1km or so detour, and the interviewing company was in one of those units. I have no idea at all why “1230 Main Road” had that address when it could only be accessed via “Main Lane” and was between “123 Main Lane” and “125 Main Lane”.

        I rang the recruiter from the main road but got voicemail every time until I gave up (about 20 minutes past the interview time) and I didn’t have contact details for the company.

        Reply ↓
  19. pally*

    So when the hiring manager says to the job candidate “I’m the only one who can yell at you”
    I can assume she means to discipline me and not raise her voice to me?

    This was actually said to me during an interview. I asked her, “how do you support your reports?” She laughed and said the exact statement above.
    Figured it was a red flag. Guess not, maybe?

    Reply ↓
    3. Adam*

      I suspect that they did use “yell” as in “reprimand” rather than literal shouting, and also that sounds like a red flag even given that. That’s a seriously weird and unreassuring way to answer that question.

      Reply ↓
    4. Evan Þ*

      I’d take it as a slight red and slight green flag. You ask her how she supports you; she says she makes sure no one else can yell at you.

      Whether she’ll yells at you… depends on the rest of what you see in her personality.

      Reply ↓
    5. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain*

      I’m with Michelle Smith. Unless you are applying for some sort of job where ambient noise, or risk of danger requires loud immediate communication and compliance, implying to a prospective employee that you will be yelling at them is unhinged.

      Reply ↓
    6. Turquoisecow*

      I think she was trying to say that she’d defend you from criticism by others, and maybe she meant that literally or not, but that implies that other departments or managers are attempting to discipline or literally yell at you.

      Reply ↓
  20. learnedthehardway*

    From a recruitment perspective, I would never wait until the deadline to review applicants. The only reason there is a deadline on any job I post is because that is when the post expires. I and my hiring managers want to get the role filled. Great applicants are going to have other opportunities – better get them interviewed ASAP and, if they’re a strong fit for the role/company, make an offer.

    Also, the early bird gets the worm.

    Reply ↓
    1. Anon in Canada*

      Don’t list a deadline at all then. There can be a “date that the posting automatically expires” that’s not visible to applicants, but if you make a “deadline” visible to applicants, they will assume they have up until that time to be considered. If that’s not the case, don’t put such information at all – it’s lying.

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  21. Lisa*

    In my experience, people (usually younger people, but not always) use “yelled at” the way I would use “chewed out”. Actual raised voices are not necessarily involved, it’s metaphorical. I would absolutely avoid using “yelled at” in a professional context due to the likelihood of confusion.

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  22. Stuart Foote*

    Given that the smelly employee 1) was very bad at Job #1 to the point she was almost let go, 2) continued to cause problems for YEARS at Job #2, I’m very confused what good things either manager could have said about her. Assuming the smell wasn’t due to a medical condition, how could either manager have even partially recommended her given she seems to have been bad at both jobs and couldn’t even manage basic hygiene even after it was brought to her attention many times? I’m struggling to see what good attributes could possibly have outweighed all those massive red flags.

    I really wonder what industry is this. The three jobs in one year would be a huge red flag for most roles so it would seem that these companies have very loose hiring standards.

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  23. Michelle Smith*

    The only situation in which I’d fill out a questionnaire after already submitting a resume and cover letter or application for a job is if I’m truly desperate and running out of savings. Either interview me or reject me, but don’t make me answer essay questions when I haven’t even had a chance to ask questions and get more details about the job.

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    1. Artemesia*

      Me too. Can’t imagine people with many options want to play this game where you KNOW most of it won’t be read anyway.

      Reply ↓
    2. Your Mate in Oz*

      I’m used to HR rewriting position details then a recruiter editing them, often with neither person knowing what any of the jargon means. A common pattern is that a request for “someone with a few years experience and knowledge of A or B or C” gets turned into “must have 10 years experience in A and B and C”. In software often none of those have been around for 10 years.

      The questionnaire would be a chance to learn what whoever is actually hiring really wants. Even if what it reveals is that someone whith zero clues is doing the hiring that’s handy to know.

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  24. Brenda*

    Regarding yelling – unfortunately in some industries yelling is literally yelling. I have worked in the legal profession my entire career – small firms, large firms, in-house international public companies, etc. Lawyers yell and scream at each other, on the phone, in person, and most offensively at their support staff.
    One firm, a staff member got a doctor’s note saying they could not work directly with a partner (said partner was named in the doctor’s order) after an ER trip triggered by his behavior (they had an underlying condition but could work in an office under reasonable working conditions). Every time the department pushed the issue even a little bit, the doctor signed them out for a week. Note: this was no joke, he’d yell and scream so much one post-cardiac surgery senior partner refused to work with him too.
    One firm it was so bad, so widespread, so ingrained in the culture that they moved the client conference rooms to another floor after a prominent client remarked upon it during a meeting. We were then not permitted to bring any outside visitors to any floor except the “visitor” floor for “security” reasons.

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  25. PhilG*

    I was my (much older) sister’s legal guardian. The day before the final round interview for my current position she crashed and I had to make her a comfort care only. I called the hiring manager and explained the situation and was told to take as much time as I needed. She passed the next morning, with me holding her hand. The interview was rescheduled for the next week and I’ve been part of the team for 3 years now. In that time I’ve lost my older brother and an adult stepdaughter and my wife had a cancer diagnosis. The team has been amazing, filling in without complaint, frequently figuring out the coverage before the manager even had to ask. The manager sets the tone and the grace extended to me sealed the deal for me.

    Reply ↓
    2. Paint N Drip*

      In this case, seems like the ‘reverse interview’ worked out really well for you – company proved themselves to be human-centric. Sorry that you’ve had to test their meddle on that, sheesh that’s a really rough run of show for your corner of the world.

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  26. My Boss Steals My Work*

    The way I would literally die of shame if it was made known that I was “the smelly person in the office.”

    FWIW, I would rather my manager or colleague pull me aside and let me know my deodorant wasn’t working than have everyone suffer in silence/resentment.

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  27. Ms. Murchison*

    The problem with AAM’s advice to LW#3 is that most of the population no longer remembers what the word “literally” means and uses it when they mean the exact opposite. If I asked someone “did you mean that literally or figuratively” I wouldn’t be confident they could answer me correctly.

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  28. LLama Doc*

    Family emergency – the migraine of this generation. Have yet to hire someone who reschedules an interview that has been reliable. There’s always a chance though…..

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  29. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

    Question (from an elderly Brit in Germany) about using “yelled at” for being chewed out at normal volume:
    Is this just US slang or is it younger person slang in other English-speaking countries too?

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    1. BeachGlue*

      My British husband was the first person I ever heard use it. He’d only lived in the US for about a year. He’d come home and say “I had to yell at Jim today” or “The boss yelled at Stacy” and I was blown away by what a toxic and unprofessional environment he worked in, where everyone (including him!) was apparently yelling at everyone else all the time. He’s the most quiet, mild-mannered guy you’ve ever met too, so I was really worried that this office was bringing out so much anger in him that he’d talk about how he’d yelled at someone that day.

      It was years before I figured out that he used “yelling” to mean any sort of serious conversation about negative work, and that it never actually involved raised voices.

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    2. Part time lab tech*

      I feel like yelled is less common in my part of Australia. More likely to say my boss told me off or corrected me.

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  30. Stoli*

    Just ask them. Be calm and professional. Emergencies happen and rescheduling at the last minute requires some explanation. “Did an urgency come up requiring you to reschedule?” If they say yes, accept it.

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  31. Stoli*

    I’d never give any reference for the chronically smelling person in the office. I’d say I can confirm employment only. Fail.

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  32. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain*

    #3 When dealing with adults, I guess I more often than not, default to taking what they say literally. It’s just less common in my experience to have adults saying wildly exaggerated statements — maybe in their personal life but not as much in a work context. So if someone said their boss yelled, I would think that meant voice raised in anger, not a metaphorical thing at all. But I’ve worked several places where “the boss yelled” meant yelled and not just they corrected me.

    Teenagers, on the other hand, I would assume some level of hyperbole along the same line as: “I’m starving to death.” mmm, doubtful; or “I’ve been waiting my whole life.” probably not.

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  33. Tisserande d'Encre*

    Re: #4, I was unemployed for several months last year after a layoff, so I feel very fresh on the candidate-side of the hiring process.

    This depends on the industry obviously, but 40 days (a month and a half) doesn’t sound like a long time to me to be waiting to hear back about an application. I absolutely would have written off any job asking me to do an assignment (like a questionnaire) before even a phone screen, though.

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  34. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

    imo, a reference should include any behaviour / characteristic that makes someone unpleasant to work with in a typical workplace – e.g. very smelly, daily crying, sudden bursts of anger –
    and that has been addressed repeatedly by their manager/HR without success
    and documented officially, so there is a record should the employee complain about the reference.

    I’d say don’t list personal problems that were never addressed & documented or that have been successfully resolved.

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    1. DisabledAndMedicallyComplex*

      What if there are documented medical reasons for the issue? I would be livid if a reference brought up something that was out of my control because of a medical issue no matter how much they disliked it. If they feel they have to bring it up they should tell me so I can get a different reference who won’t.

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      1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

        According to AAM, a prospective empoyee can contact any previous employer, regardless of whether you contacted them.

        For issues that make someone seriously unpleasant to work with – in person – documenting any medical reasons don’t reduce the serious discomfort of colleagues subjected to e.g. frequent bursts of anger, crying or a constant stink.
        Remote jobs would not need the reference to mention many things that would be unacceptable in an office environment.

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        1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

          oops: “regardless of whether you contacted them” should be “regardless of whether you listed them as references”

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  35. NotGenerational*

    I’m in my 50s. I and everyone I know – including folks in their 80s to folks in their 20s- uses “getting yelled at” to mean disciplined/being told negative things. If someone was literally screaming at me I’d use the word screaming.

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  36. TheBunny*

    You don’t.

    They gave you the courtesy of either canceling or rescheduling. They are already showing that they are as responsible as needed and aren’t unreliable in the least.

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  37. Mmm.*

    I once had to reschedule an interview because a child I knew had been murdered the day before, and I was in no fit state to do the interview. They agreed to the reschedule, but I’m not sure they believed me.

    I’m not sure I’d mention the “why” again after that. They *may* think I’m either trying to get sympathy points (ew) or covering up a “less valid” excuse.

    All that to say, they may have a good reason for not saying why. They could have explosive diarrhea. They could be picking Meemaw up from the drunk tank. Or a kid they knew could be dead. I’d put this under “don’t ask a question you’re not sure you want the answer to,” unless it happens a second time.

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    1. Jo5832*

      You might want to put it as “someone close to me died yesterday” to sound more believable. Murder is fortunately rare enough that it sounds unreal even when it is. Sorry for your loss.

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  38. Jo5832*

    I’ve been yelled at at work several times. Didn’t know that qualified as abusive until I read this article. Hmmm… good thing I don’t work with those people anymore.

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  39. Dogmomma*

    re canceling last minute..depends on the circumstances. overslept vs in a wreck, family emergency, vs blew a tire on 5he way in

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  40. CubeFarmer*

    I like how this younger generation doesn’t seem to bend over backwards for an employer. Something came up, the interview needed to be rescheduled and they asked.

    Is it annoying to have a last minute change like this? Absolutely. Would an employer hesitate to do the same thing if was warranted? Absolutely not.

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  41. Rincewind*

    Rescheduling interviews – it really depends on the industry. When I was a supervisor at a nursing home, we were nearly always looking for people (high turnover comes with the industry because it doesn’t pay enough, unfortunately). If I scheduled an interview and the person wanted to reschedule – sure, no problem. But I had 5 other interviews that week for that position, and it’s entry level elder care. I’m happy to reschedule your interview to next week, but there’s a real chance I’ve filled the position by then.

    Reply ↓

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