my job wants me to do public speaking … I don’t want to

by Alison Green on July 23, 2024

A reader writes:

A few years ago, I accepted a job as a director of strategy at a small agency. One of the perks of this job was that I would deal with clients less, because this company had client managers to do that, and wouldn’t have to do things like public speaking. To be clear: This wasn’t a promise, just the way the job was laid out, and I liked it as I have never been a big fan of formal corporate work. But now that is changing.

For a while, I was able to minimize my direct client relations work and time spent leading meetings, which was great. Unfortunately, in 2023 we had to downsize. Many of the roles that were buffers between me and clients have been lost. Now I am leading a ton of client calls, which I begrudgingly tolerate.

In addition, though, my company has started pushing me to give huge strategy presentations, appear on panels, lead trainings, present at conferences, etc. I do not want this! I do not want to get better at public speaking, or learn how to teach more effectively — I just do not want this, full stop.

Whenever I talk about how stressed I get when I have to speak, they tell me, “We could never tell! You did such a good job!” and say I am good at it. Which, great! I do not care! All I want is to work quietly. I get that I can’t always avoid client meetings, and I have no problem with presenting internally. I’m not trying to never speak in public, but this has branched way out of my comfort zone.

Besides this, my company is wonderful, and I’ve worked at enough places to know that I have it good. I don’t want to work full-time anywhere else. Ideally, I would move back to freelancing, which I used to do, but the market is imploding and I have a baby and toddler in daycare. I am very familiar with the types of full-time jobs that are available in my area, and they are not a good fit.

Ideally, I would tell my company that I want to walk back on all this public speaking — but their growth strategy includes the person in my position doing this, so if I were to say “no thank you,” I would very much risk losing my job. It’s a small company, so there’s no one else on my team I can punt to.

I feel like there’s no solution between “leave my otherwise good job and try to cobble together some kind of freelance career again” (which, *gestures wildly at our capitalist hellscape*) or “spend the rest of my career doing something I really don’t want to do.” Is there?

You can read my answer to this letter at New York Magazine today. Head over there to read it.

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{ 219 comments }

{ 219 comments… read them below }

  1. Putting the Dys in Dysfunction*

    I detest public speaking; I’m terrible at giving a pre-written presentation

    But I have found ways that work for me. I talk off the cuff, because that works for me. I choose my venue and participants where I can. I resolve as much as I can via email so that there’s less to do in a presentation.

    None of these things might work for you or for the task you’ve been given. But you might be able to come up with your own accommodations. And even if your company isn’t open to skipping public speaking altogether, they might be willing to restructure how and when you do it, farm out certain difficult aspects of it to others, etc. If they’re good managers, that’s a conversation you can have with them that’s much easier than asking not to speak at all. The conversation would be “I want to succeed, please help me do that.”

  2. Sloanicota*

    Ugh, I feel this. My job has been creeping outwards and outwards every year, same as OP; staff leave and don’t get replaced, and over the market isn’t in my favor to pick up a better (or even comparable) job in terms of salaries and benefits right now. If I pushed back too hard I’m afraid lose all the cred I’ve built up over the years plus have to listen to the “everybody has to wear a lot of hats here” speech again. No advice just solidarity.

    1. Salty Caramel*

      I have seriously considered joining Zoom calls wearing a different hat each time because I’ve heard that speech so much.

    2. Unburdened by what has been*

      And what, exactly, is wrong with the company asking an employee, particularly a senior one, to wear several hats?

      1. smirkette*

        The issue is *why* the role requires multiple hats. As the previous commenter said, sometimes (often in my own personal experience) it’s due to job creep. They lay off or don’t rehire open positions, and then redistribute that role’s workload on the remaining employees.

      2. Overit*

        Because, most of the tine you are wearing multiple hats bec you keep getting multiple job duties added. Usually without additional compensation.

        1. Sloanicota*

          Haha yeah I took a job (not senior) with a specific job description for a specific salary; since then the job duties have tripled and the salary is the same. But if I can’t find something better there’s not a lot I can do other than keep looking.

          1. Burnt Out in Marketing*

            Yep. I’m in the same boat. I am also somehow regularly required to work double shifts to represent my team in late-night meetings with the C-suite (no exaggeration, these meetings start at 6pm and go until 2am and are often scheduled on less than an hour’s notice) where everyone else is director level or higher. I’m now regularly working 60-75 hours per week on the same salary as when I was working 40. Because “we all need to pitch in and be team players right now” and they know the job market’s shit so no one can afford to leave.

      4. Cinnamon Stick*

        In some situations, especially if you’re working for a startup, it’s understood from the get-go that’s part of the job. Startups are often quite lean when they first get going and add more people later.

        More often than not, wearing several hats means you’re doing someone else’s job either because they are not doing it, or when someone leaves, the position doesn’t get filled to save money. It’s usually a heavy burden and not compensated.

        1. NotRealAnonForThis*

          This.

          At an OldJob, I was hired to be an on-site llama shearing coordinator. I was brought back into the office when things went sideways during the great recession, and had to do my previous assignments from the office (which was far more difficult, I couldn’t just go ask the llama shearers what was up, and see for myself), AND act as the purchasing coordinator, AND maintain information on all the licensing required for llamas, alpacas, and goats, AND jump into the proposals department for new business.

          I was doing four jobs, literally losing my hair from stress, and finally got told my body to SIT THE HE!! down for a moment. Oh, and it was a small family owned business, so FMLA didn’t even apply.

  3. carrot cake*

    Even though you detest public speaking, would you be willing to ask for professional training so you’d detest it less, perhaps?

    Also, I wonder if a recorded presentation would work in lieu of real-time speaking.

    In any case, I’m sorry you’re having this dilemma! I hope things work out for you.

    1. Cmdrshprd*

      “would you be willing to ask for professional training so you’d detest it less, perhaps?”

      I don’t know if that would help, it seems that OP is actually good at it and may not need training but that they just don’t like it. It seems OP has already done quite a bit of it and has not learned to like it more.

      Idk OP ends up having to keep this job and keep doing all the speaking maybe something like hypnotherapy could help OP hate/dislike public speaking less.

      1. Slow Gin Lizz*

        Yeah, OP said they don’t want to get better at public speaking. I doubt any amount of training would make them detest it less anyway; it’s sort of like how I really detest being in loud restaurants. Sure, earplugs make it more tolerable but I really detest not being able to hear the people I’m there to dine with. And I agree that it sounds like OP is actually pretty good at it if the company keeps pushing them to do more of it.

      2. Allonge*

        Of course it’s not possible to tell (especially in advance) but working with a trainer or coach could address some issues that make it more difficult for OP. The goal is not so suddenly like it but to make it easier, and a training is a lot less investment than resigning.

        2. BadMitten*

          Honestly I’d consider going to a therapist about this—the two options both seem bad (lots of public speaking or new job)—and therapists can help provide tools so that difficult things can be made easier. This might be finding a way to make public speaking less stressful, making conversations with the higher ups more fruitful, or both.

          1. Jellyfish Catcher*

            I would recommend therapy as well.
            This is how I supported my introversion.
            I…, an introvert, ended up happy in a busy subniche consulting and treatment office, – once I figured out to support my introversion needs.
            I had no idea at first that communication was so much of health care- all that talking and phoning, and emailing!
            For a couple of years, I tried to be so “professional”… it was sometimes draining.
            Then, I realized two things: First, I needed a schedule change: a 20 min am and pm break alone in my office, where I could silently recoup, stare at the wall, or catch up. (didn’t always get it, but 75- 80 % is good).
            The deal (only half joking) was that nobody bothered me during those breaks unless the building was on fire.

            Second …I realized that I could be more authentic, using more parts of what I viewed as my private part of personality and still be professional. What happened was that I was a better professional, happier and more effective at communicating. In fact, I got to enjoy much of it.

            I know how much you need some quiet times at work.!
            So, tell them you have to have down time to remain effective, as presentations are demanding. You’re an asset- your manager/boss values you; your company is wonderful. So, it sounds like schedule changes and time to recoup could be very negotiable.
            Take care – we introverts understand……

  4. FluterDale*

    I don’t have advice, but can commiserate.

    In my last job, I started working for a supervisor I really, really liked and respected – who was naturally replaced with someone I would never voluntarily interact with. (A misogynist, a sexual predator, and not entirely ethical in relationship to the work we were doing.) The second guy didn’t read my CV, but made some assumptions about my training based on existing duties. He started leaning heavily on stuff that wasn’t in my training, until it made up 70-80% of my daily work, and when I asked if we could revisit the balance his only response was, “But you’re so good at it!”

    I’m good at lots of things.
    It doesn’t mean I want to do them.

    I’d been trying to make it work because the *work* was meaningful, but yikes on bikes I didn’t want to do the thing I was “so good” at.

    1. Burnt Out in Marketing*

      A great piece of advice I always forget to listen to is “never be too good at a job you don’t want.”

      1. Great Frogs of Literature*

        There are certain technologies that have just… completely fallen off my resume, and I generally try not to casually mention having worked with, because I Do Not Want to be responsible for managing them again.

  5. Hermione Danger*

    Whenever I talk about how stressed I get when I have to speak, they tell me, “We could never tell! You did such a good job!” and say I am good at it.

    Why why why do people insist on equating being good at something and liking it? I’m great as a manager of people. I do not like doing it, and I will leave a job if that’s what it turns into. OP, in case you need to hear this, you do not have to want to do something as part of your job just because you’re good at it.

    1. Pastor Petty Labelle*

      But the job requires it. The company vision is that this is what the job is going to require. So the OP has four choices:

      1. Try to get the company to change the role – unlikely to happen especially with the market imploding.
      2. Refuse to do it and be fired.
      3. Suck it up and do it to keep the job.
      4. Quit and get a job with no public speaking.

      OP you have to decide, which is more important, this particular steady job or avoiding public speaking. If its the job, then you have to suck it up and do the public speaking part of it because that is the job now. If it is avoiding public speaking, you can’t just do part of your job and expect to keep it, so you would have to quit or be fired.

      Yeah its a stark choice. But sometimes that’s life. Life is not what we want to be all the time.

      1. Also-ADHD*

        I think Alison makes a great point that LW doesn’t really know her options here, because the communication hasn’t been clear. This might not be the direction of the job if they knew how much LW actually hated it—so many people are just nervous about speaking (you see that here with all the training tips) that it might not be clear LW is good at it but dislikes it and it’s not about getting comfortable. The vision might’ve been made on assumptions etc.

    2. Eatyoursardines*

      Exactly! So many people will take the view that “oh, we can train you to do this thing” and so many companies see public speaking as a “benefit” (same with managing people), and do not wrap their heads around the idea that some (many) people do not want to do either. Most people want to go to work, do their job, and go home. Let those who actively enjoy speaking, or those who actively want to learn how to speak in public do it. Let people who enjoy managing others do it. Leave everyone else alone and stop acting like a parent convincing their kid to eat a food they don’t like.

      I am going through this now trying to make a job change and only hear “but you are so senior, this position doesn’t [manage/speak/have reports/do the 7 other things you currently have to do]” and they do not understand “I just want to work on [thing I really enjoy and that is very much needed in the business], I don’t want to be C-suite, I don’t want to do all those other things I am “good” at”

      1. A Book about Metals*

        In this case though the role seems to require public speaking, so not sure that it matters to OP’s bosses whether they want to do it or not. I do agree that she should still have the conversation – you never know what options there are

        1. Pippa K*

          Yeah, the company could quite reasonably respond “we didn’t ask you to like it. We asked you to do it, and do it effectively, for business reasons.” How OP feels about the work is important to them, of course, but the options here are see if change is possible, learn to like it, decide to keep a job you don’t like, or quit. If options 1 and 2 are ruled out already, that leaves suck it up or quit.

        2. Also-ADHD*

          It depends on the other value LW brings etc. like Alison says. At the Director level, with a shifting role like this, how much they care about keeping the employee and making them happy would be a thing they’d balance usually. People comparing it to miserable jobs that are always low staffed are sort of missing the point—yes, we work for money, but that doesn’t mean if our jobs change, we can’t have a discussion about how we feel about the duties. People have some weirdly rigid ideas.

        3. B*

          Right. I would try to think of this as any other job requirement you don’t like. I don’t like having to track my time on projects; I don’t like how many unnecessary meetings I have; probably 10% of my substantive work portfolio is in an area I find tedious. On balance, it’s still worth staying here, so I do. Is the public speaking part of the job worth quitting over?

          That’s reasonable, but it’s not categorically different from quitting because, say, your agency started taking on a lot of new clients you don’t like, or any of a million other adjustments to a job description that just kind of happen over time.

          1. Also-ADHD*

            It seems like a lot of LW’s job has become stuff she doesn’t want though, to be fair, and very different than it started. Maybe the job market near her really is that bad, but it’s worth knowing how much wiggle she has at her company and considering her options. I see this less as “we have new clients I don’t like” and more as “much of my job is shifting away from what I like to do and draining my energy with things that I dislike and the plan is to do more of that, yikes!”

      2. M2*

        That is the problem. You can’t just do the things you enjoy at your job. You have to do your job.

        If it’s a requirement if your role and you don’t want to do it find another role or take a role less senior and make less $.

        Companies don’t have unlimited budgets to hire extra people so usually you have to do things you don’t like to do! That is life. People want to have the senior title, make 6 figures and only do work they enjoy. That is not how it usually goes.

        I have someone on my team who was very senior level decades ago hated it and now is an EA. They realized they didn’t want the stress and have now been an EA for 20 years and love it. They make good money and decent at their job and don’t have the stress of having to do things they don’t want to do. I’m dealing with someone right now who keeps telling me they hate event planning. Well that’s part of their job (and in the job description) and they were hired in part to find restaurants and venues for events a few times a year.

        We all make choices.

        1. Sloanicota*

          It seems crazy that EA would be less stressful, sometimes not being in a position of power (but still needing to get things done) is MORE stressful than being in charge of your own ship.

          1. Allonge*

            EA can be a position of power, just ‘soft’ power or at least not people-management power.

        2. Lara*

          Sure, but the point is that this is not the job LW was hired to do and it wasn’t in the job description. It’s completely fair to be annoyed when your role significantly changes to be composed mostly of tasks you dislike.

      3. Worldwalker*

        “Most people want to go to work, do their job, and go home.”

        But in this case, “doing their job” involves doing a part of it they don’t like. Not “I can’t” or even “I’m not good at it” but simply “I don’t like it.”

        We can’t all do only the things we enjoy at our jobs. If we did that, we’d live in a world of unstocked shelves and uncleaned bathrooms, because those aren’t things people enjoy.

        1. Chirpy*

          Yes, but there’s a difference between “I occasionally need to do the thing I dislike at work” and “a significant portion of my job is doing the thing I hate most”.

        2. Ask a Manager* Post author

          I’m baffled by how many comments are taking this tone. She’s not demanding to rewrite her job description; she’s trying to decide whether she still wants the job or not, and part of that is a conversation about whether there is any flexibility on that element or not.

          1. Prototype*

            I was really struck by this too. I actually thought the LW was a bit pessimistically black-and-white/jumping to conclusions in her letter but some of the comments are much more so. I’ve seen multiple times when coworkers got burned out by some aspect of a job that probably could’ve been modified or flexible if they’d tried communicating with management.

          2. Great Frogs of Literature*

            Ditto. I would guess that she’s stuck with the client presentations (though even that’s not definite), but for many roles/companies, things like presenting at conferences could be dropped or given to someone else.

        3. metadata minion*

          I wouldn’t want to stock shelves 40 hours a week, but I genuinely enjoy that kind of thing for 1-2 hours time blocks. It gives such a nice feeling of immediate accomplishment, and gives me time to decompress a bit. Same thing with cleaning. No, it’s not glamorous and it’s not most people’s dream job, but there are plenty of people who either do enjoy it in small amounts or at least don’t particularly mind “tedious” physical work.

          Most people have to do things they don’t particularly like at work, but there’s a difference between something you find kind of annoying and something that will mess up your whole day. I will cheerfully agree to be on a monthly rotation for cleaning the break room, or to take on the job of organizing that abandoned cabinet of mystery files. Neither fills me with unending joy, but they’re quietly satisfying and not stressful. I’m much less happy to manage people, or to be the one who has to remember to do that five-minute task every 6 months. So long as I’m not the only one available to do something, it seems completely reasonable to ask if there’s someone else who would enjoy, or at least not mind, doing the things I hate, and if there’s something I can take off their plate in exchange.

    3. Susannah*

      Seriously. Had the same issue, about going into broadcast from print, which I did NOT want to do; I enjoy writing at length and not worrying about things like my hair. And I got, “but you’re good at it!” as if I was just wildly insecure and needed affirmation.
      Once (to an acquaintance, not a potential employer) I said, well I’m good in bed. Doesn’t mean I want to be a prostitute.
      Shut him up.

    4. AmuseBouchee*

      Sometimes when people are really good at something, they make it seem like they enjoy it. It’s part of the magic of talent.

  6. Viki*

    I feel like director level in a lot of departments are often in public speaking roles (even if it’s just the org at large), and so it seems like your company is just pushing your role more align to the responsibilities that I’m used to.

    I sympathize. While I don’t present at conferences, I do the panel and strategy meetings for the org at a whole, and it never feels fun. It is unfortunately, a requirement as a director to be able to do those.= in my company/industry.

    I would suggest taking some public speaking classes/improv classes to make you feel more comfortable, and wear something that makes you feel powerful.

    Alternately, if you decide this is a no go, perhaps look for roles that are not leadership positions, as you could find less public speaking.

    1. Weaponized Pumpkin*

      Speaking as someone who’s been a Director of Strategy in multiple agencies, I can’t imagine strategy presentations not being a core part of the job! (Even huge ones.) Panels and conferences are on a higher shelf, but actually representing the practice area I lead? That’s table stakes. No one can persuasively make the case for the recommended strategy as well as the strategists IMO.

      1. Lydia*

        And yet, the OP was able to do their job successfully for a pretty long time without it. Just because you can’t imagine it doesn’t mean it’s not realistic or common.

        1. Burnt Out in Marketing*

          I still think it’s a worthwhile point to make, if only because it gives OP more information about their options. Presentations are a pretty integral part of most director level roles, which is good info to have if OP is considering jumping ship. They should still definitely talk to their current employer about options, but being aware of industry norms is going to be really helpful going into that conversation.

          1. A Person*

            Yeah. It’s unfortunate that what the OP and their employer want from this role no longer aligns, but also it’s pretty normal to expect this of a director – and that may affect which roles are available to them, or how prepared their employer is to negotiate with them. It’s not a situation where the employer is making unreasonable demands, it’s just the circumstances have changed and the role might not suit OP any more.

  7. not nice, don't care*

    I am often told how good I am at things that cause my anxiety and physical pain to skyrocket. In my youth, being able to function in multiple crises while in agony was helpful in avoiding domestic and neighborhood violence. I sure as fuck don’t need to be doing this for a job, any job, which is the main reason I self-select out of leadership roles, including anything involving public-facing roles and chairing committees.
    Yes, my income over the years has been affected, but I am still able to work full time instead of having another stroke or faster escalation of chronic health issues.
    Hopefully OP isn’t in as dire health as that, but the stress can add up in irreversible ways. Something to factor into future plans.

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Yeah, just because no one can tell how nervous you are or how much you hate what you’re doing doesn’t mean you aren’t nervous or don’t hate it. This is a perfect example of that; when you’re in a high-stress situation, I think a lot of people default to “don’t let them know what you’re thinking” and it just appears to anyone else that the person is totally calm and stress-free. I’m a musician, very comfortable performing in front of a crowd, and you better believe I get nervous before every performance. It never goes away. In my case it’s tolerable but many people dislike or hate that nervous feeling so much that they don’t want to perform. My attitude is, there are so many people who *do* like to perform (or give talks or presentations or whatever) that it makes no sense to me to force the people who don’t like to perform to perform.

      Why can’t OP’s company designate someone to do the presentations for OP? I am assuming because it’s not in the budget, but you’d think there’d be someone else there who would be happy to do the talks for OP. OP could just plan the material and do the research and someone who likes being the center of attention could do the talks themselves.

      1. m31*

        This is going to depend a lot on how they structure the roles. If there are multiple people who are all pretty familiar with the work, and some of them like public speaking more than others, sure, that makes sense! But there’s a lot of things in my job where I’m really the only one who understands them at this level, and prepping someone else to speak about them would require both of us to meet for hours to do knowledge transfer, and that’s just not efficient.

        1. Allonge*

          Yes, it’s not just a question of you prepare / I present. It’s a significant investment from both sides if it’s to be done right – people can easily tell if a speaker only has surface-level understanding of the topic.

      2. Snoozing not schmoozing*

        It’s a director-level role. Public speaking is nearly always a part of that level position. What I don’t understand is why someone would take a director role and expect to change it just to suit their likes and dislikes.

        3. The Unspeakable Queen Lisa*

          What I don’t understand is why people comment on letters without reading them. And then like clockwork, blame the LW instead of their employer.

  8. Love public speaking*

    If people want to move up the corporate ladder there will be an increasing number of public speaking obligations. That’s a fact. If you don’t like public speaking, no problem, but don’t expect to be promoted over someone else who can get it done. There are tradeoffs.

    1. Eatyoursardines*

      And this is the fallacy with companies. Most people do not want to move up the corporate ladder. Capitalism tries to convince us that that is the best and only goal in a career, but it is not. Capitalism needs lots of workers, and very few managers, so it is silly to have “climb the corporate ladder” as the goal for everyone in the workplace. Businesses need all types to succeed, so stop pushing people into management/other roles they are not qualified for or don’t want just because that is the only way certain people measure success.

      Just like early birds decry night owls for being lazy and unproductive solely because they do not align with the early birds’ concept of a schedule.

      But I also come from a village on a lake where all the children are above average…

      1. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

        To be fair, I think it’s more pronounced here. Most of my friends and co-workers are totally understanding that I don’t want to go into management, while I’ve seen comments here that state that anyone who isn’t management must be entry-level or incompetent, or that managers necessarily know more about how to do the jobs of their direct reports than the reports themselves do.

    2. Fluffy Fish*

      This is incredibly industry and employer dependent. So no, it’s not a fact.

      Nothing about this comment is helpful to OP.

      1. Busy Middle Manager*

        Au contrair, they’re stating a reality that is missing on most job forums nowadays. Everyone wants six figures to do TPS reports and backoffice work from home without dealing with people, I think an occasional reminder that it’s not the way loads of jobs work is warranted.

        this letter is about someone in Director of (customer) Strategy not wanting to talk to customers. You don’t see the conflict?

        I know people have written that they just prefer emails, but if customers don’t know what is even possible, what they can afford, how long things take, what alternatives are, what legal requirements are, etc. it’s actually easier do meetings

        1. HA2*

          I mean, apparently there wasn’t a conflict for quite a long time, which means the conflict isn’t inherent in the role…

        2. uncle bob*

          Spot on. “Director of” implies a level of communication ability – ESPECIALLY for a Director of Strategy. You don’t just get to make the strategy, drop it on the table, and then go back into your cube and hide – you need to be presenting it, building support for it, and selling everyone on the vision. Perhaps this just isn’t the role for LW.

          1. Ask a Manager* Post author

            Yes, perhaps it’s not. But it wasn’t the job description when she took it, so it’s actually not the case that she’s wildly unrealistic in her preferences.

            1. Andromeda*

              Also, the letter literally says “I have no problem with presenting internally”. It’s speaking to clients/external people that’s the issue. So, at least internally, LW is happy to talk about and justify their decisions. Middle Manager and bob’s arguments seem to hinge on the least charitable interpretation of LW, and low-key seem to be insinuating she must be incompetent.

    3. Peanut Hamper*

      I’m not sure why you’re mentioning getting a promotion, since LW doesn’t include anything about that.

      If anything, LW got sidemoted—they had to absorb the duties of laid-off coworkers. And this was something they very much did not want.

      1. blah*

        IMO they’re bringing up that point to say that because LW got promoted to director level, that public speaking should be expected. Obviously that’s dependent on industry, but in this situation, due to lay-offs and other circumstances, LW’s company has decided she needs to do more public speaking.
        As Alison says in her response, LW needs to see if this is something she actually needs to continue to do or if the company is set on this now being a permanent part of her position. LW then needs to decide if staying with the company is worth it depending on their answer.

        1. Lydia*

          Except it wasn’t part of the job when they were first hired and has slowly creeped into their role. So, the assumption that “as a director” they should have to do public speaking is, in fact, a huge assumption by a LOT of commenters on this letter.

          1. Also-ADHD*

            And a weird one frankly. Most Directors I work with at my org don’t do much public speaking (a few minutes in a department meeting perhaps but not the stuff LW describes). I’m sure it varies by function and industry and company size and all that jazz but lots of Director level jobs aren’t really about client management or public speaking (though most leadership jobs involve plenty of meetings of some kind).

        2. Peanut Hamper*

          Read carefully please. This is literally the first line of their letter:

          A few years ago, I accepted a job as a director of strategy at a small agency.

          They accepted a position as a director, they did not get promoted. And public speaking was not part of this job when LW accepted it. Regardless of what happens at other organizations, this is not what happened at LW’s organization.

    4. MCMonkeyBean*

      That is not remotely a universal fact, there are infinite jobs where that is not at all the case.
      And OP is *not* trying to move up any ladder. They are in the same position they’ve always been in and rungs have been pulled out from underneath them.

    5. Ed 'Massive Aggression' Teach*

      Except, as OP states, that was *not in this job when they took it*.

      So public speaking is clearly NOT an immutable fact of life at this level.

  9. M2*

    Take a less senior role then. We all have to do things we don’t want in a job and can’t just do what we solely want to do. It comes with the territory. It sounds like until you had to do client calls you just did work you liked which is really rare especially in that type of role (I have been Senior Director of Strategy). I think it’s fine to talk with your boss but it sounds like it is a requirement now that the other positions are gone (?) so you need to decide what you want. Think about different scenarios so you have an idea of what you want before you talk with them. Maybe you’re doing 3 a month and they will offer to only have you speak at 6 conferences and panels a year. Would you be ok with that? I think honestly if someone came to me and I tried to work with them and compromise and they said no I can’t do it I would tell them it was time to look for another role. Because you’re essentially putting your work into someone else.

    Every Director I have hired has had to do some kind of public speaking. It’s a requirement and if someone said they couldn’t do it I would have to tell them that they probably should look for a less senior role. If it’s a larger company then sure maybe there is someone who wants to take on that extra responsibility but then that means you should take on some of their work too.

    Good luck and I hope you find a better solution.

    1. loggerhead*

      I am curious whether LW’s role has been labeled “strategy” but until recently has included more “operations” or “business process analysis” work that is focused on internal company data and behavior. Given what the LW describes, it’s a natural progression for the company to want the director of strategy to be a more visible player externally. It’s fine not to want to have that public role, but roles change.

      Every person I know who has a “strategy” role has a high profile because they are one of the places where internal company workings intersect with external business development. They do a lot of communicating and persuading in all directions. LinkedIn can be a useful tool here for understanding whether what’s being asked of you is an industry norm that your company is adopting.

      As a director myself, there’s not much room in my company for people in leadership positions who 1. don’t have a lot of client contact and 2. don’t want to be publicly involved in promoting the business in some way. I do a lot of things, but the ultimate ideal outcome of all of them is growing the business (and my own profile). LW, can your work be reframed as an operations position or something else (knowing that might mean a demotion)? M2’s question about whether you’d be willing to do X speaking engagements is a fair one. Assuming you have company data at hand, use it to your advantage in developing some ideas that are strategic on your own behalf if you can. Perhaps your goal isn’t necessarily to feel completely comfortable in your position anymore, but to buy yourself some time to think and maybe look around.

      1. Also-ADHD*

        Strategy to me doesn’t usually require public speaking (occasionally and being good at it perhaps but not routinely as a major duty). I would think strategy would be more analytics, planning, decision making. There would be some consultation but presenting at conferences isn’t really strategic work.

        1. Weaponized Pumpkin*

          Obviously projecting a bit here but based on my experience there’s a lot of speaking in strategy:

          The LW works for an agency developing strategy for clients. (Could be all sorts of strategy, from creative to analytics to IT, who knows.) On a base level that means presenting strategic recommendations to and leading calls with the clients. Previously client managers were handling this so the LW didn’t have to. To me that’s not really “public” but the LW seems to think of it that way. There is a LOT of this kind of presenting.

          The bigger stuff, like panels and conferences, isn’t strategic work — it’s promoting strategy work. It’s a spoken case study, talking about the strategic process and how they solved a particular challenge for a client and made something awesome happen. The audience is usually other agencies, or potential clients at a tech or trade convention. The goal is publicity.

          Agencies are in crisis right now, and one way they are trying to stay relevant and pull in clients is by making their work and people more visible. This is unfortunate for LW. A senior-but-not-director may offer more opportunities to simply “do the work” and stay in the background.

          1. Lydia*

            You are projecting, because the OP has done this job for quite some time without having to do any public speaking. It’s only recently started to become more and more of a part of the role. Re-read the letter.

            1. Weaponized Pumpkin*

              I did read the letter and wasn’t responding to the LW there, rather to the commenter Also-ADHD who was questioning how presenting is a logical part of a strategy role. I was offering an explanation of what that looks like. I’m happy the LW had found a role that fits them before and I hope they find it again.

          2. Also-ADHD*

            I think it depends on so many factors, but it wasn’t part of LW’s work for a long time, so I don’t think it’s inherent. Nor has speaking been linked to strategy much at any org I’ve been with.

  10. Zipperhead*

    Other people have recommended classes, and they’re absolutely right. Very few people are born public speakers — even the ones who enjoy it benefit and get better through classes and practice.

    If your company offers continuing education courses, public speaking may be one of the classes offered. If not, check with local junior colleges. If none of those are options, maybe call up the local high school and ask if their debate/speech/drama teachers can offer private instruction.

    If none of those are an option, start practicing at home. Read aloud — with a book of famous speeches, if your library has them, or something nonfiction (so you don’t have to get distracted by dialogue in fiction). Write what you know about the topics you may have to speak about, then read those aloud. Then do it again. And again. See what sounds natural and keep it. See what sounds unnatural and make it sound natural. Read it some more. Read it some more. Read it until you feel comfortable reading it aloud. Practice may not make perfect — but practice makes you feel better doing it.

    Also, I feel like it can’t hurt to open your speeches with “Public speaking doesn’t come naturally for me, so please excuse my awkwardness.” Most people aren’t comfortable with public speaking, and they will sympathize.

    1. Unionize*

      This poster said they don’t want to do public speaking full stop, I believe them!

    2. Rainy*

      The solution you’re proposing doesn’t solve the LW’s actual problem. It sounds like the LW is perfectly competent at it and the problem is that they don’t like it. Taking more classes in something you are good at but hate is not going to make you like it. It doesn’t sounds like public speaking is unnatural or awkward, it sounds like she just hates it.

    3. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Also, I feel like it can’t hurt to open your speeches with “Public speaking doesn’t come naturally for me, so please excuse my awkwardness.” Most people aren’t comfortable with public speaking, and they will sympathize.

      I don’t love this advice. Your logic is actually the reason why I don’t love it; since most people aren’t comfortable with public speaking, it sort of goes without saying that the vast majority of speakers aren’t comfortable with public speaking, so why bother saying it? It only undermines the speaker’s authority (or expertise) to announce right out of the gate that you are nervous. And it might also call attention to it in a way as to make OP *more* nervous than they would be if they had just not mentioned it.

      (This could be a personal preference, because it really bugs me when speakers say this kind of thing. Like, we all know you’re nervous, no need to point it out.)

      1. Allonge*

        Yeah, this is a bad idea. Instead of thinking ‘so, let’s hear the latest on snake oil strategies’, people are now thinking ‘great, will I hear about your difficult childhood next?’.

        It’s the same principle as a fanficcer starting with ‘I am bad at summaries’. Well, now I don’t really want to read your fic either.

      2. Mighty K*

        I don’t like this advice either – to me it comes across as saying “the presentation you’re about to hear won’t be very good” and so you’re priming the audience to think it’s bad. Why plant that idea in their minds!?

        1. Zeus*

          Exactly this – if I heard that at the start of a presentation my instinct would be to think “oh here we go” and settle in for an awkward, rambling presentation. That might not be entirely fair to the speaker, it’s just based on my past experience.

          Don’t start of with an apology for anything, or your audience will be looking for the flaws – maybe not intentionally, but it will happen.

    4. Person from the Resume*

      You’re missing the point. The LW is already “good at it” per feedback. She does not want to do it … enough that she’s vi side ting leaving her job over the increase in public speaking.

    5. Productivity Pigeon*

      But LW just doesn’t *want* to do it. They’re obviously capable, they just don’t like it.

      You can’t fix that with classes.

      1. Worldwalker*

        Removed. Please don’t do this here. The LW is allowed to pick and choose what she is interested in doing, as long as she’s clear-eyed about the trade-offs that come with that. – Alison

        1. Productivity Pigeon*

          I don’t think that’s a fair example.

          It’s okay for OP to not want to do public speaking. They didn’t sign up for that.
          They *may* have no choice but as Alison says, they don’t know that for sure.

          It’s obviously something very important to the OP. There’s no reason to dismiss it as “everyone has aspects of their jobs they hate and you just need to grind your teeth and take it” just yet.

          LW should have a frank discussion with their employer, not just give up.

        2. Productivity Pigeon*

          I don’t think that’s a fair comparison.

          The LW hasn’t even discussed this with their employer yet.
          It may well be that they can work something out.
          There’s no reason to dismiss it as “everyone hates parts of their jobs and you just have to grind your teeth and bear it” just yet.

    6. Also-ADHD*

      Is LW not good at speaking? There’s this weird idea that people dislike public speaking only due to fear (and I get it’s a common fear) or being bad at it. But LW lumps it in with other extrovert style work in her dislikes so I think she just might dislike it and feel drained. It’s not about feeling comfortable or saying you’re working on the skill at that point—it’s about the exhausting feelings.

      1. Chirpy*

        This. I am great at giving tours, and public speaking is fine if it’s a subject I’m confident in, but having to be “extroverted” all the time for strangers and constant customers is incredibly draining for me. The LW just finds public speaking one of the things that’s draining for them. No amount of practice is going to change that.

    7. Anon Attorney*

      The LW said “I do not want to get better at public speaking, or learn how to teach more effectively — I just do not want this, full stop,” so respectfully, this isn’t helpful. I also reaaaally disagree with your opener suggestion. It draws attention to insecurities that may not have been visible at all.

    8. Coffee Protein Drink*

      I don’t think they’re right at all. OP isn’t looking to get more comfortable or better at public speaking. They don’t want to do it.

  11. lolly*

    I’ve had all the training, the role play and lots of practice: at the beginning of my career I presented at many large international conferences, weekly whole org meetings, gave lectures, I was an anxious mess, no matter how good I was, and I hate it, I would hyperventilate and was considering medication to help me cope better, or hiring an actor to present the info I’ve scripted. I do a different job with way less of it now, but I now know I am better if I’m sitting down, or virtual, because I’m not also worrying that my shaking legs will give way, so if I have to present I try for those options – can I have a chair/sit on a table so it’s less formal (helps me, would be worse for other people), can I be virtual, can I make it more participatory, where I ask the audience questions (with a few planted respondants to get the conversation going) or back and fore with someone, play a video snippet during the presentation (staff impact/user/customer feedback) to give me a natural break out of the focus.

  12. Immortal for a limited time*

    When New York Magazine says you’ve “reached the limit for free articles this month,” apparently that limit is zero

    1. Peanut Hamper*

      Depending on how they code things, “this month” could mean “this calendar month” or “the last 30 days”.

    5. Our Business Is Rejoicing*

      Yes. I haven’t been able to read a New York Magazine article in a very long time. I suspect they cut off your free access after a set number of articles, period (not monthly).

  13. A Significant Tree*

    Is it at all possible to advocate for hiring a person whose role *is* to do the public speaking? It sounds like you had multiple client managers before who were the public face and your agency had to eliminate those roles, but maybe there’s budget for, and enough work to justify, one single role. You’d still be in charge of all the strategy development, their job would be to communicate it on behalf of the agency.

    1. Zombeyonce*

      LW has this problem because they absorbed the work of others who downsized, so it’s pretty unlikely the company will hire someone to do this work because they don’t want to.

  14. Hell in a Handbasket*

    It seems odd to me to completely rule out the idea of working somewhere else. Why are you so sure that no other company could compare? Especially since you now hate a substantial portion of your role! Even if you can’t find a company that’s quite as great as where you are now — if you like the new role, it would probably more than compensate.

    1. Generic Name*

      I agree. Frankly, there is a lot of black and white thinking in the letter. I have to do one task I detest therefore I need to leave the company. The only other option to my current place of employment is working for myself because ALL other companies in the city/state/country are horrible. But working for myself would be impossible because the entire world is a “capitalist” hellhole.

      By your “logic” the only option is to stay put in your job and either be miserable or make peace with public speaking. I agree with Alison’s advice to talk to your bosses about not doing public speaking. But I also suggest putting out feelers for jobs at other companies. The best time to look for a job is when you can afford to take your time and be picky. See what’s out there. I bet you can find at least one job you won’t hate. :)

      1. Techie Boss*

        Another way to look at this…if you were at a fine, but less than ideal, job somewhere else, would you choose to move into the role that you’re in as it’s currently working with all the public speaking as a requirement? I’m guessing probably not, so maybe look at some other options with fresh eyes as they compare to what your current role is, not what it used to be. But Alison is right that having a clear conversation about how much this makes you unhappy in your job is a pretty safe option that has a reasonable chance at improving the status quo.

      2. Hlao-roo*

        Yes, I agree with both Hell in a Handbasket and Generic Name that now is a good time to put some feelers out. Not a full-on job search, but perusing job ads and applying to a few places here and there to see if anything better exists.

        And to add on to the point of black and white thinking, the ending question of “cobble together a freelance career” or “spend the rest of my career public speaking” seems pessimistically binary to me. I don’t know the industry/market this LW is in, but is it possible that the freelance market will recover in a few years? Assuming the LW doesn’t have more children, will having both kids in school make a freelance career more feasible? A few years, or five years (for the baby to reach public school age) is a long time to be in a job you don’t like, but it’s considerably shorter than “the rest of my career.”

  15. Orange You Glad*

    Is there anyone on LW’s team that is looking for more experience and likes presenting? If I had someone like that, I would delegate to them when I could.

    1. Mermaid of the Lunacy*

      LW said it’s a small team with no one to delegate to, but I’d at least see if there was someone who wanted a “growth opportunity.” You never know!

  16. NurseThis*

    I love public speaking, did it professionally and taught it to peers who hated it. One thing that everyone told me helped was getting a script that they could use with small tweaks for just about anything they were asked to do. Develop a PowerPoint, presentation notes and know your material cold. Also, if the request is for half an hour, prepare for 20 minutes and open up to questions.

    I know so many people loathe it but some comfort with public speaking can really open up job opportunities.

    1. Also-ADHD*

      It doesn’t sound like LW is uncomfortable though. I have speaking skills and it does help with certain jobs, but I’m careful to say there’s a limit to how much extrovert work (whether that’s client stuff, public speaking, or leading meetings) I’m interested in and how much downtime I need to fuel up for big extrovert work (like presenting at a conference). It sounds like LW is less willing to do it than I am, but I get the same feelings if pushed too too much presentation work (more than occasional — like I absolutely am not interested in leading regular training etc). I think too often “being good at speaking” is seen as the issue, or even fear, but LW doesn’t seem nervous to me. She seems exhausted by it, potentially she’s just an introvert.

    2. AmuseBouchee*

      She’s not uncomfortable- she actively hates doing it and is thinking about quitting the job over it.

  17. Loves to talk*

    I love public speaking. I know, that is often an odd thing to say. You mention that freelancing is hard for your industry right now – could you find a freelancer who would do the speaking for you?

    It is fairly common to outsource PR, marketing and other public -facing responsibilities. Let’s normalize outsourcing public speaking!

    1. TeaCoziesRUs*

      I’d love to find gigs like that, too! Pay me to travel around and talk to people = dream job. :)

    2. Uranus Wars*

      If I could figure out how to monetize being a professional public speaker on behalf of other agencies/organizations I would 100% freelance it. If you have recommendations on where you can learn to do this/get an in for this please let me know! Thanks.

    3. The Unionizer Bunny*

      You mention that freelancing is hard for your industry right now – could you find a freelancer who would do the speaking for you?

      This! Surely a Director’s budget could stretch to hiring a contractor just for the presentations? (These are public speeches, so I think there won’t be any worry about leaking proprietary information outside trusted personnel. Besides, contractors are often willing to sign non-disclosure agreements.)

      It is fairly common to outsource PR, marketing and other public -facing responsibilities. Let’s normalize outsourcing public speaking!

      It sounds like LW is accustomed to speaking/presenting internally, which I interpret as “to an audience of people who already know the company”. Public audiences don’t. She should be working with someone who has an external perspective and can identify what an outside audience won’t already know. Then she could play a support role within their public speaking engagement – be off to the side, unseen while everyone’s gaze is focused on the presenter, and cueing up slides/charts for her front-man. He does the talking, but takes his lead from her when fielding topics outside the material they rehearsed. (Even have a tiny receiver in his ear so she can whisper new directions to him.) If she’s comfortable with briefly being called upon, she can face her front-man and address him when he says “I’m going to pass that question to our expert here”.

      LW might also try 1-on-1 interviews that can later be broadcast for public view. It could feel enough like an internal presentation to be comfortable, and still be useful for external consumption even if she’s not up in front of a live audience.

  18. e271828*

    So, in 2023, the agency laid off a lot of people and reassigned their work to LW (and presumably a few others), increasing their workload. And now the agency wants to increase LW’s workload further by requiring them “to give huge strategy presentations, appear on panels, lead trainings, present at conferences, etc.” as well as their workload. Presentations etc don’t write themselves and these are all pretty substantial tasks. LW doesn’t mention whether their own tasks were reassigned to others, but that sounds unlikely to have happened.

    I think LW needs to seriously assess whether this job has changed (workload increased) so much as to 1, be two people’s (or more) jobs, and 2, beyond their abilities, since they are unable to compass the public speaking part. It sounds as though the agency needs to hire at least one high-level client-facing specialist to do the meetings and presentations and conferences.

    There is no such thing as a forever job and LW should make efforts to find out what other jobs are on the market.

  19. Peanut Hamper*

    Could the extroverts/people who love public speaking please not suggest that OP just needs some coaching or to take a class in public speaking, or to just have a good PowerPoint. This isn’t the point. OP is already being told she’s doing a great job. The issue is that she doesn’t want to.

    1. DisgruntledPelican*

      OP also doesn’t want to leave her job, which now includes public speaking. Unless there’s a magical third option where her org suddenly rehires all those buffers from before, she’s going to be doing something she doesn’t want to do. So people are trying to give her advice on how to both keep her job and maybe make the public speaking more bearable.

          1. Peanut Hamper*

            So that people can add insights or perspectives that Alison didn’t have or include in her response, or so that people can offer support, or so that people can offer advice for what worked in their situation (see that a lot), or so that people can ask questions.

            Commenters do, however, have a responsibility to pay attention to the relevant facts in the letter, however.

    3. House On The Rock*

      Thank you!
      I’m a fundamentally introverted person who was forced to be extroverted from a young age. Partly because of that, I’m very good at public speaking, working with others, being a team player, coaching, and people management. I am constantly praised for these skills by my staff, peers, and higher-ups. No one believes I’m an introvert because I interact so well with others. What they don’t see is that I need serious recharge time after hours of meetings and presentations. Weeks where I’m always “on” are insanely draining. I don’t dislike it the way LW does, but I also know that “training” isn’t going to change how someone feels and it’s weird that everyone is trying to “fix” them. It kind of reminds me of when I was that little introverted child and relatives would literally drag me into the middle of a social situation and tell me to “visit”.

      1. Allonge*

        Being introverted does not mean anything about how much we enjoy public speaking though.

        I am an introvert, I love public speaking. Sure, doing it for days on end would be exhausting – that would be the same for an extrovert though!

        1. Cinnamon Stick*

          a lot of people don’t seem to understand that many introverts can be outgoing people or could enjoy public speaking. We’re not all the hostile wallflowers we often get cast as. The designation has much more to do with how a person obtains and recharges mental energy.

          1. allathian*

            Yes, this. In my first career I was a market analyst, and I was pretty good at presenting the results of my research to our customers, and I generally got great feedback on my presentations. The first few times I was quite nervous, but it helped to know that I knew the material in depth and that I was presenting to people who’d paid quite a lot of money for the research I was presenting. But I was always exhausted afterwards, to the point that I wasn’t fit to drive immediately afterwards.

        2. Also-ADHD*

          Sounds like LW is being asked to do a lot of extrovert stuff though. I do like occasional public speaking as an introvert (and it’s okay if LW doesn’t whether she’s an introvert or not) but the change in job duties overall (more clients, more meetings, more speaking, training, etc) that LW describes sounds like it would really make the job less fun for an introvert than it was prior.

        3. Humble Schoolmarm*

          I’m also an introvert who loves public speaking. I find the energy required to give a crowd a prepared presentation totally different from the energy required to make small talk one-on-one (added bonus, giving a talk gives something to discuss instead of scrambling for how’s about that local sports team!)

          1. Cinnamon Stick*

            Exactly! Totally different animal. I find I can spend much longer with people without getting tired if we’re all focused on a shared activity.

    4. Orv*

      I’ve always remembered something a friend said to me, a long time ago: “If someone tells me they hate spinach, I try not to come back by suggesting they just need to eat more spinach.”

  20. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

    There’s a lot of stuff in your letter about why you are presenting that doesn’t have anything directly to do with changes in the business landscape, declining headcount, etc.

    “In addition, though, my company has started pushing me to give huge strategy presentations, appear on panels, lead trainings, present at conferences, etc.”

    The job is becoming one where the company wants you to be the public face in a lot of ways. Panels, conferences, etc. is both PR and marketing. Whereas you went into the job thinking it was just strategy development off in a quiet room.

    That being the case, what else can you get out of this arrangement? Are you getting bonuses when your company lands a client whose only reason for signing up is your presentation? Are those presentations going to help you network and find another job that doesn’t require you to be on stage? Or is that just a spiral to more and more face-time responsibilities?

  21. Busy Middle Manager*

    Maybe focus on the parts that are beneficial to you? A) highlight good things your company did to help the customer, B) get answers to things you’re not getting via email.

    I think your only rational way to get out of some meetings is to drop the “I don’t like speaking” part, and think about 1) what value did those go-between jobs like Client Success offer? I’ve seen good ones that did light “strategy” work and problem solving, but also people that just forwarded emails back and forth and acted like gate keepers. If it’s the latter, you’re not going to convince the company to ever invest in them again. If it’s the former, you might have a case. 2) see if you hit a tipping point where you have too many meetings that impact getting backoffice work done, and use that to set limits on the amount of meetings 3) see if there are repeat requests that can be put in writing or a ticketing system 4) do an honest evaluation if this job is just relationship based and no amount of the above will change the culture/client expectations

  22. MCMonkeyBean*

    I’m really surprised how quickly so many comments here jumped to “this is what the job is so suck it up” when that is really not necessarily true yet. It sounds like “what the job is” is fairly up in the air at the moment and the company is looking to reshape exactly what it looks like.

    It is certainly possible that the company will say this is what they want for this role now and if OP won’t do it then they will have to go. But it is absolutely worth having a few conversations first before throwing in the towel!

    A lot of times in a situation like this when a role changes and the company is very happy with and wants to keep the employee they have in it, the employee may get to help shape what the role becomes! It sounds like OP has tried a bit and the response was “don’t worry you’re great.” But there is room to push a little more, and clarify it’s not that you don’t think you can handle the speaking but that you truly do not want to do it. Maybe they say too bad, do it anyway. But maybe they rethink which speaking gigs are really useful or maybe they find someone else at the company who would love a chance to step up an represent them in this way. If you’re at the point of genuinely thinking about whether you could stay in a job like this then there is no reason not to ask.

    I once worked for a company where an employee wanted to quit and study enigmatology… and they said no stay and we will make you our official enigmatologist. His whole job literally became making puzzles for employees to do. That is obviously a very extreme and unusual case, but if they like your work a lot of companies are willing to work with you a little to keep you around.

      1. Leaving academia*

        I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling that it’s unusually hostile today. Maybe people who didn’t read Alison’s answer? I’m pretty nervous about public speaking, and was really expected to be one of those people where it doesn’t get better. But actually, it did! And I liked giving talks and teaching even when it did make me really nervous.

        “It’s part of your job” for office work for things like paperwork and emails—and obviously some jobs are going to have more than others, and it’s ok to decide how much you want to do. People dislike grading to varying degrees, but very few people like it (and even then, mostly certain types of assignments). But I realized that there’s a certain type of student interaction that I’m not only not OK with, and my most recent position had no desire to support me beyond saying I was free to set my own policies. I took my extreme desire to get out of the situation as a sign I need to be out of the classroom. If that’s a part of the job, then I’m not going to be able to do it.

        1. Leaving academia*

          Wow my previous comment would benefit from an edit button…

          But anyway, it’s fine to decide a part of a job means the job is a bad fit—especially if that was not originally part of the job. LW seems pretty aware of the potential drawbacks. The pile on is also weird in going so against Alison’s response.

      2. House On The Rock*

        Totally agree – so many commenters seem really inordinately hostile over this situation. This is not the Leap Day Birthday person for goodness sake!

        Maybe it’s because it triggers a very specific “well I had to suck it up, so you do too” reaction from those who have had crappy jobs and/or the LW is seen as privileged since their position is fairly high up? But LW clearly knows that they have an objectively good job that’s providing for them and their family. They can still be unhappy with aspects of it and shouldn’t be pilloried for that!

        1. Johnny Appleseed*

          Being in toxic environments pushes people to adapt by normalizing the toxicity. This gets to the point where any suggestion of less toxicity is caustically attacked, either out of resentment or because the person is afraid to have any hope things can be better because they don’t want to suffer the pain of disappointment again.

    2. Productivity Pigeon*

      Agreed!

      There’s no reason for the LW to just give up and accept it before they’ve even had a conversation with their employer!

    3. Ed 'Massive Aggression' Teach*

      Absolutely. Speaking as someone who LOVES public speaking and gets a huge buzz out of it, I am *boggled* by all the unnecessary hostility from today’s commentators.

      OP clearly understands that they need to do SOME public speaking in their role, they just don’t want to do this much of it and are trying to understand their options. That’s a perfectly understandable attitude. Why are they getting so much aggro?

      1. Parakeet*

        I don’t get it either. In part because of the contrast with the responses to the “is it okay for my employees to say they’re ‘just not cut out for public speaking’?” post that’s linked in the related post. Those comments had a mix of opinions but there were a lot more people taking the side of the people who didn’t want to do public speaking, and less hostility.

        Public speaking is a portion of my job, a portion that I neither love nor hate but am basically fine with. I did it this afternoon, actually! And I’ve had jobs where I did find despite fighting against myself regarding a major job function, and it was worth it for other reasons. But there are definitely tasks where if my job (which I love) started requiring me to do them frequently, I’d be thinking about my options. I don’t get why even the idea of the LW talking it over with their employer is provoking so many hostile reactions.

    4. Zeus*

      Thank you for saying this! I was also disappointed at how many comments basically boil down to, “git gud n00b”.

      I suspect it may be something to do with how many people don’t like public speaking but have learned to adapt for their job, and believe that anyone else could and should do it too. I’m in the first group but not the second, so I totally get the LW’s stance here.

  23. Also-ADHD*

    I’m not a fan of a lot of public speaking, though I’m good at it. (I’m also not scared or stressed, just introverted, and it drains my battery and feels like walking through jello.) I do think there’s a real problem with people thinking the issue is fear of performance issues, and that praise and experience will help. Sometimes it’s just a bad experience and not about skill. I’m sorry that LW’s job changed so dramatically. I feel like especially if she took the job to do more strategic, quiet work and less client management, I totally get the burnout happening here.

  24. TeaCoziesRUs*

    Man, OP. I feel your pain and hate that the commentariat is mostly dropping the ball today. You obviously don’t need classes to speak… you’re already being complimented and chosen for more speaking engagements. You don’t need to just suck it up… you’re obviously valuable enough that the company trusts you to be one of their public faces! You have options here! I think Alison’s advice to go back to your manager(s) and discuss how mission creep (whichis forcing you to speak publicly more) can be restructured in a way that keeps you off the stage. I hope there is an underling waiting in the wings who loves speaking in public and WANTS those opportunities. Or that there’s a logical way to spread the speaking wealth upward. I have no solid advice, just fist bumps of encouragement.

    1. Unionize*

      Some really old fashioned and counter productive “if you don’t like it lump it” attitudes here. Work is a two way street.

      1. Worldwalker*

        But nonetheless it is work. If it consisted of only the things we enjoy, it would be called “play” and we’d be paying, not paid, to do it.

        1. Flor*

          Do you go into the comments on every post where someone’s unhappy with an aspect of their job and repeatedly chastise them and other commenters about how it’s work so we’re not supposed to like it, or have you just taken a particular dislike to this question?

          It’s not constructive or helpful to insist that it’s work so just suck it up; if that was the only answer, then half the posts on this site wouldn’t exist.

        2. Also-ADHD*

          I mean, you can enjoy your work. My work isn’t what I’d do on my free time and I wouldn’t do it for free because I think that’s messed up, but I would probably still do it or a similar job if I won the Powerball tomorrow, because I do enjoy most of my work and even find a lot of it engaging if not fun. There’s no rule that separates work from play in the way you’re saying. That’s not to say people don’t have to do things they don’t wanna (even outside of work) and some people would never really enjoy any kind of work (I know people who work to live and that’s just who they are, not their jobs being bad) but LW seems like she really does enjoy certain aspects of her work. I don’t see why she can’t have a convo and see what can be done, or why some people are so dead set on everyone having to do some stuff they don’t want at work.

        3. House On The Rock*

          I’m entirely sure the LW understands this. I’m also entirely sure that almost everyone here telling them to suck it up (or similar) has complained about aspects of their jobs that they dislike but are expected to do. Why is this letter provoking such a strong reaction when other similar ones do not?

          1. Cinnamon Stick*

            The strong reaction may be coming from the work culture people are used to or work ethics they were raised with. The idea that someone could actually want to not do something they didn’t sign up to do in the first place is anathema because of course you just do what your boss has assigned. That’s what work means, doing what you’re told. Many people also do not know how to self-advocate or when they should–we certainly see that in enough letters–so the idea that OP should do so here is new and strange.

            1. The Unionizer Bunny*

              The strong reaction may be coming from the work culture people are used to or work ethics they were raised with. The idea that someone could actually want to not do something they didn’t sign up to do in the first place is anathema because of course you just do what your boss has assigned. That’s what work means, doing what you’re told.

              I think that’s a military work-culture. To describe others, there are people whose philosophy is “I like doing this kind of work, the duty of a manager is to take on all my obstacles so I can focus on the work.” and others who say “I don’t have to enjoy my work but I have to see how it’s accomplishing the company’s mission.”

              The latter may work in a for-profit company but still want to provide good customer service and/or manufacture high-quality products, but not so much “run personal errands for the boss”.

              1. Cinnamon Stick*

                I wasn’t in the military, but this was the way I was raised (my father served briefly). Some workplaces are run this way where you do not question the boss, especially if the boss is older and has been in their position for a while.

          2. HA2*

            Yeah, I’m not sure. I definitely remember there’s been plenty of letters where the answer was “you probably have to change jobs, I’m sorry” but very few where so many commenters leaned so hard into “suck it up, snowflake”.

            Could be that the position is so high up. I think I vaguely remember the comment section also being negative another time someone wrote in with a high-six-figure-job and a problem where the approach was “ask for far more flexibility than 90% of employees could get”.

            …or could be because OP described it as a preference rather than a need. Letters which were like “my job has changed in XYZ ways and I CAN’T deal with it/can’t do the new job/get anxiety or panic attacks” get sympathy, this letter is more “my job changed in XYZ ways and I don’t LIKE it” get the “well suck it up, there’s starving children in africa (working as janitors)”

          3. Texas Teacher*

            I think it might’ve been the “capitalist hell-hole” phrase the LW used.
            That said, if the LW finds out that the nature of this role has changed permanently for this company, they might want to start looking at other job options. It sucks to take a job and then the role changes significantly.

          4. Adultiest Adult*

            I wonder if it’s because this article is paywalled, and so more people are just coming here to dump their personal opinions without even reading Alison’s response–people have acknowledged this on other New York magazine articles. Which is a shame because the thing I love about this blog is that Alison sets the tone, and her responses are compassionate and well-considered, so usually other commenters follow suit. Secondarily, I do think that some people are being triggered by the “director” name to the position, and are familiar with director positions in which you are required to do whatever the job asks, with no pushback, and are overly aghast at the idea that someone might be this flat-out about not wanting to do public speaking.

            OP, if you read this, I’m with the moderates: ask your bosses if the job can be restructured first, and then make your decision to stay or go based upon their answer.

        4. Humble Schoolmarm*

          Yes and no, no job is going to be 100% the things you love (the mythic dream job) but ideally, a job should be a combination of things you don’t mind and things you enjoy. Ie: I love helping kids learn, I love channeling wild middle school energy into things that will get them growing as humans, I love their goofiness (most of the time). I like seeing their work, but I don’t like the volume or the time crunch, I tolerate the paperwork, I tolerate classroom management, I hate having to deescalate angry parents (although I’m pretty good at it). If my job suddenly told me I was going to have to give up time in the classroom to be a parent diplomat, I’d consider changing too, because the balance has shifted from the reasons I got into teaching to stuff I actively hate. I don’t want to play all day, but I don’t want to be miserable either. There’s a ton of gray area between the two.

    2. AvonLady Barksdale*

      But is it really mission creep? I work in a strategy-adjacent role, and I can’t imagine a director of strategy not doing some kind of speaking, whether it’s in large internal meetings or as part of professional conferences. Especially if it’s a small agency that’s trying to grow. Communicating the strategy is usually part of the job. So it’s not as much mission creep as it is an expansion of the role due to agency growth.

      1. Bryce*

        Whatever jargon you put around it, it wasn’t part of their role before (intentionally or otherwise) and now it is. That is absolutely worth having a conversation around and “this is what a director of strategy does” may be the answer but it may not be.

      2. Pizza Rat*

        I’m not sure what else to call it if the duties when LW took the job included minimal client contact and now they’re being asked to speak at conferences.

        1. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

          Yeah, it would be one thing if OP had taken a job she knew included lots of elements she hated and then complained about it. Here, the job has changed, and although the reasons are legit, OP is getting more and more work she hates with no end in sight. Alison’s advice to have a serious convo is the way to go — not “bolt for the door,” but also not “suck it up and deal because other people have to clean bathrooms.” (Sure — and if we had a letter from someone in that job, Alison would address their questions. But bringing in a straw-janitor here seems needlessly combative.)

          She may not be able to get out of it, and the market in her profession may be such a horror show that she has very few options. She’s clearly seeing herself between a rock and a hard place, which is why she wrote to Alison. But I’m not sure how “of COURSE a strategy job is all public speaking,” “take a class if you’re so nervous,” and “your job isn’t supposed to be fun” stuff is going to help?

  25. We're BtWBH*

    Thanks to a boss who knew I hated public speaking and always assigned me to do it anyway, I no longer hate it. This was something we both agreed I needed to work on and I am forever grateful to him.

    Just imagine everyone in their underwear?

  26. el l*

    Hear how serious you are about not wanting to public speak.

    So before anything else is said, have you literally said to your management, “I’m serious, I do not want to do public speaking any more?” Or, “Could we talk about bringing back the client reps?” Because there’s a big difference between those conversations and one that begins, “I’m just nervous!”

    If that’s said and done and they’re still insisting, then I wonder if you have a future there. A director-level getting roles jammed down their throat is not a good sign.

    TLDR: If you’ve been blunt, are you willing to leave over this?

  27. Yup*

    I hate public speaking. There are times I can handle it OK–giving a reading of my work, a presentation for grad school, or other situations where I can prepare and know exactly what I will say (as it’s written down!).

    But as part of a job? No way. It’s not just the actual public speaking that’s anxiety-inducing, it’s all the lead up to it–anxious for days, fretting, worried you’ll screw something up, being in the spotlight, you name it. Having that as an ongoing, major part of your everyday work life and not an occasional task would absolutely ruin my sleep, digestion, relationships, and ability to live my life. I think the world continues to try to make introverts into extroverts, to the detriment of our well-being.

    I don’t know what the solution to this is, but we wouldn’t ask lactose-intolerant people to eat dairy as part of a new job role, or expect people with myopia to do their job without glasses, so I don’t know why introverts rarely get the same level of accommodation and understanding that we grant others for who they biologically, mentally, and emotionally are. All to say, I see you.

    1. Public Speaking Introvert*

      To be fair though, not all introverts dislike public speaking. I know introverts who don’t mind public speaking at all, myself included. I definitely need to go sit alone in my office for a time afterwards, but it’s part of my job and it doesn’t bother me.

      This is not to say it isn’t incredibly draining for OP! OP should absolutely talk to management about options. But the introvert/extrovert framing here doesn’t make sense because being an introvert doesn’t automatically mean one dislikes public speaking the same way farsightedness automatically means a person benefits from contacts or glasses.

      1. House On The Rock*

        I’m both classically introverted (in that I need recharge time) and also very good at and enjoy public speaking. Many of my jobs have included it as an expectation and I’m frequently asked to present (I frequently present in the place of staff members who hate it). I’ve also known self-described extroverts who were awful at speaking. The two are not as linked as people like to think.

        1. Alan*

          I completely agree. I’m reminded of the comedian Maria Bamford who has said that she has severe anxiety in group situations, yet she goes on stage night after night. The difference she says is that on stage, she’s in complete control. For myself too, I’m very introverted, but I love public speaking. It’s essentially solo performance. Even if I get questions, which I almost always do, I’m still in control. I’d do it more if I could.

          2. Modesty Poncho*

            This is such a great example. For me, someone who is anxious and insecure very often, I love performing. For a few hours during a show, I know precisely where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do and say.

        2. Allonge*

          They are not a bit linked. Unless you think of introvert as ‘shy’, which to be fair is a not uncommon interpretation.

          And yes, recharge time is needed, but all-out extroverts also get tired if they present a lot. It’s intensive work.

          1. Blue Pen*

            Yeah, agreed. I will definitely concede that shyness is probably seen more in introverts than extroverts, but it’s not at all unique to introverts or pre-programmed into them. Introversion (and extroversion, for that matter) has more to do with how you process outside stimuli—introverts generally have a lower tolerance for noise, lights, social situations, outside commotion, etc., and thus their batteries drain quicker. Removing themselves from the stimuli is what allows them to recharge and feel “whole” again.

            Extroverts, on the other hand, generally crave more stimuli because they have a higher tolerance for it. The exposure to stimuli is what actually recharges them and allows them to feel “whole” again.

      2. Extra Introverted*

        It is more likely though, that an introvert will dislike public speaking, especially at the further end of the spectrum. I test around 95% or better introverted on every personality/traits test, or anything related, that I’ve ever taken. An hour of public speaking leaves me so exhausted and strung out that I feel sick. Part of that is admittedly the anxiety and dread of doing it, because I know what a miserable experience it is for me.

        1. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

          Maybe more likely, but it differs so much. I’m usually 90% or so introvert, and I find public speaking exhausting but not miserable. I get a little nervous beforehand, which I try to reframe as excitement, feel “up” during the presentation, and then immediately afterwards I feel worn out. But it’s not unpleasant, it’s more like “I got through this!” Like exhaustion crossed with a sense of accomplishment.

          That said, I maybe do public speaking five times a year, and I’m certainly not going to become the face of the organization. I’m just not sure introvert/extrovert is the issue.

          1. allathian*

            Yes, me too. I find public speaking exhausting but not miserable. The time I and my close coworker presented a significant project at a departmental town hall meeting to about 100 participants on Teams, we got great feedback for a clear and engaging presentation, and I had to take the rest of the day off because I was so exhausted.

            In my first career I was a market analyst and always tried to schedule all my presentations for the afternoon because I knew I wasn’t going to be very productive afterwards. Sometimes I wasn’t fit to drive immediately after the presentation.

            I’m a chatty introvert. I like people but they exhaust me.

  28. Pizza Rat*

    It doesn’t matter if you’re good at it if you don’t want to do it. I understand completely.

    I think you need to have an honest discussion with leadership about how your position has evolved from what you’d originally agreed to, where you feel your strengths are and what you want most to be going. Show examples of where you shine on those things you want to do.

    They may very well still tell you that the public speaking is part of your job from now on and you’ll need to make decisions from there. Good luck!

  29. Changing Nature of Work Expectations*

    There are not a lot of comments under this letter, but the hostility to those who point out that this may be a core duty to LW’s current job (even if it wasn’t before) is more than palpable.

    This is may not be a situation when LW discusses things with their employer things change.

    I would love an update to this letter.

    2. Katara's side braids*

      Alison herself has pointed out that the “it’s your job so just do it” comments are bizarre and ignore key aspects of the letter and response. It would be one thing if LW had accepted the job with these conditions, but she didn’t, and it’s completely reasonable to write in asking how to express her concerns while things still seem somewhat malleable.

  30. Keyboard Cowboy*

    Good on LW for noticing that “stuff I’m good at” and “stuff I like doing” are NOT the same set of things. I’ve been talking on that with my management at work quite a lot lately – I have a leadership role and they have offered me a slightly different (less technical, more managey) role repeatedly. I think I would kick ass at it. And I also think I would be anxious, stressed, and burned out, with none of the joyful parts of my job now. So, thanks but no thanks.

    1. Keyboard Cowboy*

      I also kinda wonder whether you could do an equivalent amount of this sort of public outreach in ways that don’t involve public speaking. I am an engineer, my team is made of engineers, engineering doesn’t have a reputation for being full of outspoken, extroverted people (although they definitely exist). When my team members resist the idea of giving conference talks or teaching sessions with partner teams, I like the idea of pushing them to write blog posts or tutorials instead. You’re basically doing the same thing, but without having to stand up in front of a thousand people and try to imagine them all in their underpants.

      Is it possible for you to, say, write a blog series for your company to publish? Or prepare decks that someone else presents outside of your company?

  31. wholturf*

    I can think of two arguments that may bolster your position…
    1. Discuss your role in bringing up/training those who report to you so THEY can broaden their skills and be ready if/when a position for promotion opens up.
    2. As the Director of Strategy, I would assume that you partner with marketing some. Has your company looked at the ROI of having someone speak at this or that event? As a strategy, maybe this is not as important as they think it is. Maybe attendance at a conference is enough, or cutting down on the number of engagements at a minimum.
    Best of luck in navigating this issue!

  32. Anon for this*

    This is a bit of a non sequitur…but having worked at a small agency, it’s a little confusing to me what exactly they were doing as director of strategy if they weren’t on client calls or creating and presenting strategies?

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Don’t know, there’s always a chance someone submitted to more than one advice column, but it’s not been printed here previously.

      1. Justout*

        OK, thank you. I don’t read any other advice columns but I got the strongest sense of deja vu reading this! Even some of the specific phrasing, and the answers. Clearly it is the “going mad” option :D

  34. Madame Desmortes*

    Is there a more palatable-to-you way to let your workplace trade on what appears to be the excellent public reputation you have, OP?

    Can you write something for someone somewhere, for example? If not a corpo blog on LinkedIn, perhaps a column for a trade publication or website? Can you be responsible for annual reports? Strategic-plan documents?

    Is there someone else in the organization who would love the public speaking but doesn’t get a chance? Can you horse-trade duties with them somehow?

    I get the sense your higher-ups might be more amenable to pulling back on your public appearances if you offer them other ways to make a splash and keep the organization in front of people’s eyes.

    1. Abogado Avocado*

      This advice makes a lot of sense to me. It’s not clear that public speaking has to be part of your job, LW, but that someone higher up thought you were good at it and now wants to include it in your job duties. I love the advice about trying to negotiate either less public speaking or public speaking by someone else in the org.

      I happen to love public speaking and have done a lot of continuing legal education presentations, but I do almost none today because preparing these presentations takes a lot of time. It’s not uncommon to spend 30 hours preparing a one-hour presentation — which is a lot of time when you’ve got other duties. I can only imagine how excruciating it is to have to spend a lot of time on something you do not care for and wasn’t part of the original job description, LW. Also, if your bosses are going to ask you to do public speaking, seems to me they have to take something else off your plate in view of the time commitment.

  35. Mermaid of the Lunacy*

    This hit home for me. I was in a similar situation once. A lot of turnover and layoffs in my company led to me having to be the defacto media responder. I was good at it! People told me I looked great on camera! They said I was a natural! ….. I HATED it. Every minute of it. Panic attacks when my work phone would ring. I majored in Speech Communications and I have no problem with running meetings or giving presentations. But this particular flavor of it just gave me the heebie-jeebies.

    Eventually, the company had to admit we needed more staff. I talked to my boss and begged him to hire people with media skills, so I could step back from all the interviews. So in the end, we got new media people and I got to keep the parts of my job that I liked. Maybe that won’t be an option for LW, but if the company is running on a skeleton crew they may decide they need to hire more staff at some point. As a director, hopefully LW would have some say in what that new position would entail.

  36. Weaponized Pumpkin*

    This is not a direct response to the LW but a meta comment: The agency / consulting world is upside down. Almost everyone in tech, creative, or business consulting is grappling with some chaos around layoffs, changing roles, vanishing clients, slashed budgets, and moving goalposts. It’s honestly an existential crisis, and I’ve had a lot of conversations lately about it with colleagues — we’re all wondering if the changes are permanent, or just a temporary glitch. There may be a better role for LW at a different level or agency, or maybe at their current agency with time. This is a time when everything seems up in the air.

  37. LW*

    Hoo boy! I think there’s some fundamental misunderstandings going on here:

    – I have always presented strategy work that I explicitly work on or falls in my department (which is not actually Director of Strategy but something still director-level that is very similar but slightly more specific and pretty unique to me) to clients, and will continue to do so. I do not like it, but I do it! That has been and always will be part of my job.

    – Layoffs mean that I am presenting strategies I did not lead or create that are outside my direct area of expertise. The agency marketing world is, indeed, tumultuous these days! I also lead all client meetings, which is the primary thing I was trying to avoid when I accepted this job.

    – I explicitly do not want to speak on panels or at conferences or lead large-scale trainings. The headline of my original email was “My company wants me to be a brand. I do not want to be a brand.” Maybe that adds some context. I don’t want to never speak to anyone ever!

    In good news, I originally sent this in January when I wasn’t having much luck getting my wishes across to the company. I wouldn’t say things have changed dramatically, but I have since made it clear to leadership that I am not interested in large-scale public speaking, and they’ve so far been happy to let me shape my role.

    3. TeaCoziesRUs*

      Hooray to you for setting some CLEAR boundaries and your bosses honoring them! Go, OP!

    5. Ed 'Massive Aggression' Teach*

      Yay! I’m so glad you had success in pushing back. I wish I had done in a previous role, and I suffered massively for it. I hope you continue to be able to shape and enjoy your role!

    7. Cinnamon Stick*

      That’s great! I love that you’re valued for the other work you do. There is a HUGE difference between being a brand and and running a meeting with a small group.

  38. Just Thinkin' Here*

    I guess I read the OP’s situation differently than other commenters.

    The job that she was originally hired for has changed its job duties. This happens often!
    Director of Strategy could easily be an internal facing position. And now that the client managers have been laid off (!!!) they are asking the directors to step in and do the work. Management is trying to use the OP as a replacement sales gig – go talk to those conferences, drum up business. Go talk to business groups, drum up business.

    And you need to think to yourself – why? If OP’s company had to downsize the client managers (customer facing no less!) then what other shoe is going to drop? I’d be less worried about public speaking and more worried about the financial soundness of OP’s employer. Client managers should be hitting the street giving the talks OP is asked to do. If the employer can’t afford to keep its sales force, it won’t be long before they can’t afford to keep the back-office folks too.

  39. Raida*

    Well it sounds like you have three options:
    1) Continue to hate this part of your job, resenting it, wishing people would understand when you say you don’t like it that you mean “I want you to take this task away from me”
    2) Clearly state you need to do less of these tasks, not more, you aren’t interested in training, and you simply don’t want the job if that’s not going to happen
    3) Learn to do these thing better and hate doing them less and stop resenting them, because you NEED THE JOB SECURITY

    Of these options… Write it all out on paper mate, work through it logically, conclude you do need this job, and get on with making it suck less. Get training, look for ways to change your mindset, start letting go of the resentment towards the tasks you don’t want to do, etc.

  40. Urbanchic*

    First OP, I’m sorry things have taken such a turn! We actually have a Director of Strategy whom I just spoke to about being 50% externally facing two weeks ago, and the reason for the change was 1) she was good at it, and 2) business need due to economic circumstances. We literally cannot justify having any senior leader having an exclusively internally focused role except for the CFO and head of admin – and because she is very strong externally and is bringing value to the business, her job is safer and her salary growth is on a good trajectory. So I would seek to understand why there is a push to be more external, and reason – whether it be in your own mind or (if safe) thru conversation with your employer – about what would reduce the pressure on this transition. If your company has already downsized and laid off client managers and not your role – maybe someone in management reasoned that you would prefer to have your role be more external than be subject to layoffs. Or, maybe it was – everyone who can be external and help add value to clients needs to be as we manage these difficult circumstances. Or, maybe its none of those things. But understanding the business motivation will help you plot a course forward. Good luck.

  41. TheBunny*

    This sucks. But it sounds like this is now the job and you really won’t get far fighting it.

    I was really happy at a former job. 6 years in the company got a new CEO and all of a sudden it was awful. Hated the job reorg with a passion. I ended up leaving and finding something else that worked better for me.

    It’s awful but sometimes that’s what you have to do.

  42. Ant*

    I’m so confused by how annoyed so many of the commenters seem to be at the LW. This feels like a relatively common issue – I accepted job x because it didn’t have task y, but now I have to do task y and I’m unhappy about it and have to think about my options – so I don’t understand why people are being so harsh? Is it because they’re a director? Is it because they said they’re good at public speaking, they just don’t *enjoy* it? What is it about this letter in particular that seems to have put people so on edge, when I could’ve sworn I’ve read at least 30 other letters on this site that are just like it?

    1. Lara*

      Yeah. Her job role has significantly changed in ways she finds unpleasant. It’s completely natural to be upset by that.

  43. Drew*

    Allison,
    I enjoy reading your advice in other formats, but because of paywalls I am unable to access the advice. Any chance you can arrange “gift links” as I’ve seen on other sites?

    Thank you.

  44. CV*

    A few people asked “why do people insist on equating being good at something and liking it?”

    Because this is a manipulative technique that often works. It avoids engaging with the speaker’s view of the task by bulldozing them with praise (sincere or otherwise) so they will keep doing the task and not rock the boat.

  45. judyjudyjudy*

    It sounds like the needs of the company for this role and what you want to do in this role have diverged drastically. I think you should consider talking to your manager about it — is there an opportunity to shift the role away from public speaking? Is there a different job within the company that would suit you better? If all of that comes to nothing, then you have a tough choice: stick it out or try to find a better job elsewhere. Only you can weigh all the factors, but I’d rather not dread going to work, do if sl least look around to see what other opportunities are out there.

    Best of luck!

  46. Blue Pen*

    This is a deal-breaker for me, to be honest. I don’t mind giving mini 5-10 minute presentations or updates during all-staff meetings or maybe leading a meeting moreso than usual, but I have zero—and I mean, zero—interest in being the face of anything: team, department, project, etc.

  47. Public squeaker*

    There are some bizarre responses to this letter!

    I would feel the same – I’m not at director level, but if public speaking was made a significant part of my current role, I would feel the exact same. I can do it, I’m fine at it, but I HATE it. Everyone suggesting training or public speaking workshops is totally missing the point here.

    Also OP didn’t choose a job with a lot of public speaking involved – it became part of her job against her will! I’ve definitely had jobs in the past where colleagues have been laid off and I’ve inherited parts of their jobs I HATE (organising events) – there’s a reason I didn’t apply for their jobs, so to have their tasks tacked onto my job was just hellish.

    If I were in this position, I’d speak to my manager to figure out how much public speaking would be expected of me, express how very much I hated it (again, it wasn’t part of the role when you took it) and find out if there was any way to come to an acceptable compromise on both sides. Otherwise, I personally would absolutely find a new job if my current role changed to the extent that I actively hated a significant proportion of my daily tasks.

    Life is just too short to stay in a job where you dread a huge part of what you do!

  48. Andromeda*

    I actually *have* seen this hectoring, “you’re doing it wrong” tone to the comments before — it was with the LW who wrote in about a writer on staff who wasn’t writing in the right voice, but who was also perceived to be stiff and uptight — and LW conflated the two. There actually was an issue with the writer’s work performance, but we had an awful lot of non-writers insisting that writing in the wrong tone wasn’t actually an issue at all, even as LW said it was out of step with what the company needed. LW was wrong about insisting her writer be more social, of course, but a lot of people were slamming her and saying that even the real problems she was reporting didn’t exist.

    I suspect there are a lot of people here who have never had LW’s job or anything like it, speculating about what the job actually entails and what the “normal” expectations would be. In doing so, they are steamrolling past her mention that the job didn’t start out that way and that public speaking doesn’t seem to be expected in every role of the same type. (I also have never had a role like this, especially at this seniority level! So I can’t really say what LW can do since I don’t know what the culture/etiquette is at that level. But asking to dial back the speaking engagements doesn’t sound completely out of the question?)

    LW’s allowed to gently push back on stuff they always end up doing “extra” of, if the culture and job description allows. This feels very “woman always ends up doing the admin jobs, and gets told to suck it up/that they’re really good at them/that nobody else can” except less gendered.

    1. The Unionizer Bunny*

      This feels very “woman always ends up doing the admin jobs, and gets told to suck it up/that they’re really good at them/that nobody else can” except less gendered.

      I think it is gendered (I left a comment up above about the apparent sexism, but it isn’t there – still stuck in moderation?), with the stereotype being “soft skills are women’s work”. Managers asking “Why would we hire a professional for this when we already have a woman who can do it for us?” because they don’t understand the difference between internal knowledge-transfer and presentations to an external audience.

      Maybe setting up a deliberately disastrous presentation from “an outside vendor” as a demo, then having that actor get frustrated 10 minutes in and loudly say “It must be you! I know I’m good at presenting, let me show you!” and then display an internal video where their audience is a handful of people wearing the same company shirts in a cozy room and they’re engaged, asking questions that make it clear they already recognize what the presenter is talking about. All the differences that make it difficult for LW – if it’s the size of a room/audience, the first presentation is in a large room with many others attending. But that feels like a lot of wasted people-hours, and trouble getting many people to attend, so maybe this is a project idea more for a presentation agency. Freelancers work on two videos, hire people off the street to come in and sit qietly in the audience for 10 minutes looking bored and confused.

      The rest of my lost comment had to do with stereotypes about work being so miserable nobody would ever do it willingly, and how it’s influenced by stereotypes about the people who can enjoy “dirty jobs” not being able to work (or not belonging in a professional workplace).

      1. Andromeda*

        I’m not sure this necessarily *is* gendered, though — commenters default to “she” here but LW doesn’t self-describe as any gender, so there’s no way of knowing whether LW even is a woman. I also don’t think there’s an expectation that women will do public speaking roles in the same way as there is for admin work.

        I do think it matters, though, that the part of the job that’s being pushed back on is seen as a professional skill. The majority of the “I’m being asked to do a part of my job that isn’t my job” letters up to now, which have received sympathetic responses, have been about extra cleaning or admin work when the LW had been hired for an office job. So yes I think that the kind of work being pushed back on here does make a difference (and I wonder if the largely superstar-performer-in-an-office-job commentariat are projecting their willingness to “go above and beyond”, too)

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