updates: we have to cook food to feed our well-paid managers, and more

by Alison Green on July 11, 2024

Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. We have to cook food to feed our very well-paid managers

I realized that I might be one of the few people who could push back on this because I am a long-term employee with a good record who is about to retire so any potential retribution would have little or no effect on me. So I spoke to one of the leadership team and said how bad the optics were on this and how upset people were about being asked to do this. This person listened, spoke to the big boss, and the result is that the leadership team is covering the costs!

I didn’t have time to read all the comments and respond but I appreciate the helpful — and funny — suggestions.

2. How do I deal with a painfully slow talker?

Your advice was very helpful, as was the advice from most of the commenters. I let Jane know that we understood the need for some hand-holding through these many assessments but that we thought we could probably get through most of them on our own and would let her know if we had any questions. Then we’d schedule a time to review them with her rather than fill them out with her in real time. This has been a great help and cut waaaaaaay back on time both my husband and I had to set aside during our work day to have meetings with Jane.

We also had another wonderful therapist working with our son and got most of our updates from her over the last six months, so that also helped us get through some of the processes more easily. Unfortunately, that therapist has since retired and we are back to working solely with Jane but, with the assessment stage out of the way, we’re spending much, much less time trying to crawl through several pages of questionnaires right before a deadline and more time talking with Jane (as slowly as she needs) about how we can best support our son. He’s making great strides with his speech, is becoming more social, and his teacher recently said she considers him “academically advanced.” So we’re very happy we’ve stuck with Jane!

3. I’m being pressured to take a promotion I don’t want (#3 at the link)

After much discussion above my level and without my knowledge, my manager was able to argue that a consultant position be applied to my role, and I was promoted! I do not have to manage anyone, but will be responsible for training new hires and improving processes. If I decide in the future that I want to manage, that path is still open to me. I cannot adequately describe how valued and appreciated my manager and my company has made me feel.

I guess my advice is to always listen to Ask a Manager and the wonderful commenters, continue to do what you love (and strive to do it well), and to share your knowledge with others. It might not always get you what you’re looking for, but good employees never go unnoticed. Thank you all so much!

4. I can’t get anyone to acknowledge my resignation (#4 at the link)

I never did hear back from the site leader. I was, however, lucky to find a different program leader (at the same level of the vacant supervisor position) who was sympathetic and offered to take my class off the schedule if needed.

So I told my students that the schedule didn’t reflect it yet, but my last class would be on *date* (thanks to the commenters, particularly the one who suggested adding the language about “not reflected in the schedule”).

I did teach out that last class, and the schedule has now been updated. I feel free.

You may also like:
{ 45 comments }

{ 45 comments… read them below }

  1. 3-Foot Tall Inflatable Rainbow Unicorn*

    I can’t help but feel “we’ll pay for the food but you’re still expected to do this extra labor” is, at best, only half a victory.

    1. all*

      I think LW1 is saying instead of a potluck leadership is paying to have food brought in/catered. Which is the ideal outcome!

      1. TransmascJourno*

        I initially had the exact same reaction as Rainbow Unicorn until I reread the update. I agree—“covering the costs” most likely indicates catering costs, not grocery costs for employees.

      2. Annie*

        This is how I read it, too. The LW has presented this as a victory and an issue solved. I think they would have specifically mentioned if the staff were still expected to prepare the food (as that was a big part of the original problem).

      3. LW1*

        LW1 here: yes, that’s what I was saying: Leadership took care of it all. And I received lots of thanks from other employees for pushing back – which is a nice way to end my career here. Gossip says the big boss was “livid” about the push back. He’s known for making people’s work lives miserable but, hey, I’m outta here so do your worst!

        1. Beth*

          You got a better outcome for your co-workers, AND you pissed off the big boss. Double win!!

        2. 3-Foot Tall Inflatable Rainbow Unicorn*

          Excellent! And excellent about getting out before Big Boss makes everyone do something worse.

        5. DJ Abbott*

          “Gossip says the big boss was “livid” about the push back.”
          Big boss was livid because human beings stood up for themselves against his treating them like serfs. It’s a little frightening that there are people in today’s world with attitudes like that.

    2. Goody*

      I had the same reaction. If the employees are still being expected to cook but are getting reimbursed for the food, it’s only a halfway measure. But if, as other replies suggested, it means that the agency is ordering in, then it’s a definite win.

  2. Pastor Petty Labelle*

    Amazing how just pointing out how bad it looked got leadership to whip out the credit card. Which unfortunately shows how they viewed you, servants to do whatever was asked, instead of employees hired to a specific job. But still a good outcome.

    #2 – that would drive me mad. Jane has to know she talks slowly and should already have systems in place to mitigate it. So she can concentrate on what she does best — therapy.

    1. INeedANap*

      To your first point, I genuinely wonder how the idea to have the underlings buy, prep, and serve food (and then disappear) even got off the ground. How did anyone think that was a good enough idea to suggest it, let alone to agree to it? If I was visiting another site I would be super confused and weirded out if, say, the interns all did this. Why??? Just order pizza??

      1. LW1*

        LW1 here: apparently this was a common practice at another agency the big boss headed. Big boss was genuinely dismayed by the pushback and said the other staff had never complained. I’d be willing to bet that there were lots of complaints just not to him.

        1. Peanut Hamper*

          The number of people who believe that something is not a problem because it’s not a problem for them is staggering, and infuriating. I’m happy this turned out well!

      2. Elbe*

        I would be weirded out, too. I wouldn’t want a company asking random employees to cook for me, and I wouldn’t want to eat food from complete strangers’ kitchens. It just seems weirdly personal for a business meeting.

        1. Reluctant Mezzo*

          Clearly, the big boss is not anywhere nearly paranoid enough. Preparing food for someone you don’t like offers endless opportunities…

  3. Project Maniac-ger*

    LW1: thank you for realizing your unique position and saying something. It’s still embarrassing and a bad look for your leadership that it needed to be said, but you did what needed to be done.

    LW3: it is a positive trait to know you don’t want to go into management BEFORE you manage people. Feel proud of your self-awareness,

  4. Cookie Monster*

    #1 – I really hope “covered the costs” meant they got catering/ordered food and not “we still had to make them food but we got to expense the ingredients.”

        1. Daughter of Ada and Grace*

          Also, if the office can’t pay for the food directly (the update says the leadership team is covering the costs), then it’s unlikely that anyone would be able to get reimbursed by the office for doing the same thing.

          My assumption was that the leadership team would either order food and put it on a personal credit card, or else ask someone in a support role to order food using the boss’ personal credit card.

          1. Manic Pixie HR Girl*

            Yeah, the OP said it was a Gov’t office, so they very likely could not cover the costs – would have to be an individual or group of individuals doing this personally.

        2. SleeplessKJ*

          It’s weird to expect your employees to shop and cook for you in the first place. I doubt they are doing anything differently. They’re just paying for it now. Would love to have an update to the update.

  5. Emily Byrd Starr*

    At first I thought that #1 was that letter from years ago where part of the interview process included cooking dinner for the entire staff.

    1. Unkempt Flatware*

      I’m still shocked at that one. And how the company doubled-down on their methods.

  7. Insert Clever Name Here*

    OP2, I’m so glad Alison’s suggestions helped y’all get through the assessments in time with Jane. I was grinning so big reading about how well your son is doing — I know from experience how amazing it feels to not only see that growth in a special needs kiddo yourself, but have others see it too!

  8. notasecurityguard*

    NGL if my bosses who made more than me asked me to cook breakfast for their out of town visitors and I wasn’t able to eat it my pancakes would have a secret ingredient. just a SHIT-TON of old-bay. like i would empty the entire tin into the batter (for those who don’t know, old bay is typically for things like sea food or chicken or anything where you want to add spice. afaik it’s a mixture of salt, celery salt, a ton of red and black pepper, paprika, and i suspect a bit of mustard and maybe ginger. also a tin typically lasts you about 6-months to a year of regular usage)

    1. Sheworkshardforthemoney*

      I would tell them that my secret recipe for cooking chicken is to marinate it at room temperature for 2 days before I cooked it.

      1. notasecurityguard*

        i’d be afraid of getting arrested for actually poisoning them. otherwise the secret ingredient is Ipecac

        1. notasecurityguard*

          from chatgpt: the worst, “technically not poison” pancake recipe

          Ingredients:
          Flour Mix:

          1 cup all-purpose flour
          1 tablespoon baking soda (instead of baking powder for an off taste)
          1 teaspoon salt
          1 tablespoon cornmeal (for a gritty texture)
          Liquid Mix:

          1 cup water (instead of milk for a bland base)
          1 egg
          1 tablespoon vinegar (for a sour, off-putting taste)
          Add-Ins:

          2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder (for bitterness)
          2 tablespoons molasses (for an overwhelming strong flavor)
          1/4 cup canned peas (for an unexpected texture and taste)
          1/4 cup sauerkraut (for a pungent flavor)
          Cooking:

          2 tablespoons vegetable oil (for frying)
          Instructions:
          Mix Dry Ingredients:

          In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, salt, and cornmeal.
          Mix Wet Ingredients:

          In another bowl, whisk together the water, egg, and vinegar.
          Combine Mixes:

          Gradually pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, stirring until just combined. The batter will be lumpy.
          Add-Ins:

          Fold in the cocoa powder, molasses, peas, and sauerkraut until evenly distributed.
          Cook Pancakes:

          Heat a non-stick skillet or griddle over medium heat and add vegetable oil.
          Pour 1/4 cup of batter onto the skillet for each pancake.
          Cook until bubbles form on the surface and the edges look set, then flip and cook until the other side is browned.
          Serve:

          Serve the pancakes hot. Optionally, garnish with more sauerkraut or molasses for added “flavor.”

          (it’s the quotes around “flavor” that make it art)

          2. Vio*

            I predict a future bestseller in “Technically Not Poison Recipes: For Never Being Asked To Cook Ever Again”

      2. CV*

        My southern inlaws have just such a recipe, although it is only one day, in buttermilk, on the counter in the sunny, non-AC kitchen.
        I said I’m sorry, I will only eat the vegetables. They found this peculiar.

  9. Bertha*

    #3, wow, this update (and reading the original post, which I apparently missed, even though it’s INCREDIBLY relevant to me) was so encouraging and exactly what I needed to read right now. And also the responses on the original post – it’s okay to not want to be a manager, and it’s a totally different skillset/job. I’m so glad it worked out so well for you.

  10. RamonaThePest*

    Oh, how I wish Alison’s common sense on “gifting upwards” in the workplace could be mandatory PD for all management, especially in the field of education. Principal’s Day–every grade level gives a gift card o=r the like. In my own experience–it was being asked to contribute to a Meal Train for the PTO president after an operation. It remains one of my top ten (or one hundred) awkward moments to bring her a home made meal (that time also outside of my teacher duties). We also did that for the assistant principal after surgery because we are “staffamily.” Then there was the Teacher Appreciation Week where we were asked to have a soup cook-off competition. (Also me for the team, my middle child upbringing was not helpful as a professional.) Finally, the back to school days of PD, when we had to each bring a dish for breakfast. I’m showing up–on time and usually early because that’s the pressure–and I have to bring a breakfast casserole. Provide the meal or just skip it altogether.

  11. RamonaThePest*

    The Meal Train requests (and there were many–a definite change from years past) always specified “Child friendly meals.” What does that even mean? I work 50 plus hours a week, I’m not going to make you duck l’orange. Allergies or specific requests (no garlic, no onion) great. Child friendly? I’ll drop off a bag of frozen chicken nuggets, french fries, and carrot sticks. There was such heavy pressure from admins to step up for this.

Comments are closed.