how to respond to a volatile rejected job applicant

by Alison Green on August 14, 2024

A reader writes:

I have a question regarding job applicants who, after being interviewed and rejected more than once, apply over and over again.

I have one applicant who has been interviewed twice, rejected twice, and keeps sending new applications. The first time she was interviewed was two years ago by our recruitment coordinator, and a second time by me a few months ago. This applicant seems emotionally unstable, and the position I am hiring for is home care for vulnerable adults. When I rejected her a few months ago, I sent her a standard form rejection email. Afterwards she left me multiple voicemails asking why I rejected her. In some of the voicemails she was shouting, and in some she was crying.

I do not want to interview or speak to this person again, but I want to let her know that we will not be considering her application. Normally I send out a form letter, but I feel that’s a bit cold in this case. How can I politely let this applicant know we will not be interviewing her again?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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{ 75 comments }

{ 75 comments… read them below }

  1. Fieldpoppy*

    I get why being “rejected” (i.e, not chosen) can trigger all sorts of reactivity, but I always wonder why otherwise adult, professional humans don’t see the big picture/ long game/ relational part of this. I was hiring for a small team of co-leads for a learning program last year and I sent a very nice note to the runner up (ie., placed 4th out of 3 spots, but it was also partly about how the 3 fit together/ offered different skills) and said that while they weren’t a fit for the colead team, I would love it if they would teach a segment in the program. And they fired back “if I’m not good enough to be a co-lead I don’t know why you’d want me to teach.” And I’m like… hm, this was a leadership role, you are a very senior person in this system, are you not able to imagine why you might not be the exact fit and the impact this response is going to have?

    Since my work is contract based I apply for projects and get variously chosen/ not chosen constantly. It’s so rarely about you as a person.

    1. Filthy Vulgar Mercenary*

      “but I always wonder why otherwise adult, professional humans don’t see the big picture/ long game/ relational part of this”

      I think the first part of your sentence about the reactivity is the actual answer. If rejection feels so bad that all their defense mechanisms come up that they don’t have good ways to self-regulate, this can be what happens. They just aren’t seeing it, or they are but can’t accept whatever it would mean they’d have to face about themselves if they admitted what they see, or something else. If they had the ability or skills or whatever in place to see, they would have.

      1. I strive to Excel*

        I agree – it’s the emotional defense mechanism kicking in that they’re not taking the time and energy to override. They should, but we don’t all always make the best choices.

    2. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Honestly I think most people are incredibly bad at seeing the big picture in general on any topic.

      I had a similar thing years ago where I was recruiting 40-50 people for a seasonal event (think something along the lines of a summer fair), where within that event we might have five or six people doing the same kind of work. Presuming there were no issues with your work, you could apply again the following year.

      One year, we had too many ticket takers apply. Someone who had been a ticket taker in previous years didn’t interview well, so in the grand scheme of the number of ticket takers we hired, they weren’t selected. Well! Didn’t I get an earful on the phone later that week! Except instead of this teaching me a “lesson”, their name went on our Do Not Hire list. If they had just kept their cool, they could have reapplied the following year, as it wasn’t uncommon for people to work the event multiple summers non-consecutively.

      Some people really just want to get the last word and make themselves feel better about it, without giving much thought to the consequences of doing so in an unappealing way.

      1. Anon for this*

        I’m seeing this with applicants for a grant I manage. It’s a competitive grant. Applications are evaluated by an impartial-as-possible committee and funds awarded based on their averaged scores. One organization could not believe they weren’t awarded funds in either of the grants they applied to and wanted a meeting with me and anyone else who has a say to explain to them why they aren’t getting money. It’s an entitlement issue my boss and I are trying to reset, and clearly it presents across forms. I wouldn’t put them on a Do Not Fund list, but we will manage that relationship and expectations differently than other organizations that don’t think they’re a shoo in for limited funding just because they exist.

    3. Dinwar*

      In the USA jobs are tied to one’s self-image and self-worth. Rejection for a job can be viewed as a rejection of the person as such, and often they feel attacked. And people tend to react badly when they feel attacked. Doesn’t make it right, of course.

      2. MissBaudelaire*

        All of this.

        And, honestly, I think for some people they might not want what feels like a door prize. “I didn’t pick you to be on this team, but here’s this other job you can have if you want.” I know that’s not how Caramel&Cheddar meant it, I can see why someone would feel that way about it.

    4. Kella*

      I agree with other comments here, and another piece is that most people who haven’t ever handled hiring, or handled submissions for publication, etc, have absolutely no idea how many people are being considered and how many of those options are very good ones. People assume if they were rejected that means they were “bad” when in reality, if you have 500 resumes, and 20 of them are incredible, you still have to reject 19 incredible candidates.

      There’s also the fact that western media loves to show people who are stubborn or defiant in the face of an authority figure rejecting them getting noticed and promoted because they “stood out.” If you’ve been taught to never give up, never stop trying, that’s how you achieve success, then you aren’t going to recognize that unprofessional, boundary-violating behavior is actually ruining your chances.

  2. Susan*

    Well, the applicant’s behavior is over the top, but unless they had a real chance, why were they interviewed a second time? And if they had a real chance, then does that change the message?

    1. Aggretsuko*

      Sounds like they interviewed with two different people, maybe two different sections of the office.

      We interviewed a lady years ago that seemed nice but crazy, didn’t hire her. Later on, another area of the office did hire her, then got rid of her because well, guess why.

      1. Orv*

        I’ve interviewed with companies where different departments obviously didn’t communicate about applicants. e.g., failed an interview, was obviously a bad culture fit, but still got an in-house recruiter calling asking if I’d apply for another position.

        1. Ellie*

          My company does this. I kept getting hassled by our hiring team to interview someone that had actually been employed by us previously and was a disaster. They kept insisting that he was a great candidate, and trying to organise an interview, and I kept telling them that hell would freeze over before I’d rehire this person. They eventually moved on to other teams, but fortunately, all the leads would catch up quite regularly, and word eventually got around.

    2. metadata minion*

      It sounds like the two interviews were by two different people, and the LW states mainly emotional instability (which is pretty well born-out by her reaction to rejection!) as the reason for not wanting to interview her again, which I’m guessing means she looks fine on paper. Maybe the first interviewer didn’t flag the emotional issues, or just noted that she was nervous at the interview or something like that, and so the LW interviewed her when another opening came up and it became more clear that it wasn’t just someone who comes off a little oddly in an interview.

    3. MistOrMister*

      It sounds like they probably did have a real chance the second time. Someone else did the first interview, so I think it’s safe to assume the applicant wasn’t sending unhinged emails and voice messages to that person since they didn’t get blacklisted. Then OP interviewed them and the response was bonkers. Many people apply to the same place more than once and are hired at one of the subsequent times.

    4. Peanut Hamper*

      They were interviewed by two different people, so it’s possible LW didn’t realize they had been interviewed before until this situation caused them to do a bit of homework.

      Also, there was a two-year gap between interviews. It’s not unreasonable to expect someone to have improved their skills and experience in that amount of time.

    5. uncivil servant*

      It sounds like she did have a real chance until her unhinged behaviour following the second rejection. That’s what took her from “not for this position” to “never for any job, ever.”

    6. anon today*

      Maybe she didn’t have the extreme reaction to the first rejection. She could have been on the market a while and was dealing better before a number of rejections started mounting. She could have been a strong candidate both times who just wasn’t the /strongest/. There are so many reasons why it might have made sense to reinterview this candidate when LW made that choice.

    7. Pam Adams*

      At my university, there are multiple similar jobs across different areas. People do interview for more than one job, sometimes at the same time.

  3. Stuart Foote*

    This person seems crazy and is acting far, far outside professional norms. It would consider sending a formal letter (possibly on legal letterhead if possible) asking her not to contact the company going forward. If the LW had some prior relationship with the person in question there might be a kinder way to let them down gently, but in this case being firm is the way to go.

  4. Tom R*

    Long time reader, did the applicant answer a question about their biggest mistake with “I don’t make mistakes”….

    2. Bast*

      I remember that letter! It was crazy the lengths that individual went to justify their behavior, which wouldn’t fly ANYWHERE.

  5. learnedthehardway*

    Just ignore her – anything you do to engage will further fuel her reactions and exacerbate the situation. You’ve sent a rejection email, as is appropriate. Put a note on her file in your applicant tracking system that she has responded aggressively to being rejected for two roles and should not be contacted on future applications. No good can come of further engaging.

    I’ve had candidates respond aggressively / irrationally to being rejected in the past, and nothing you say or do will convince them that the decision is fair or that their response is inappropriate and self-damaging. People who react this way simply cannot hear the message, for whatever reason that is. They lack the self-insight to cope with the rejection – but that’s not your fault or your problem. The best thing for you, them, and your employer is to grey-rock and keep things impersonal and professional.

    If the candidate becomes more aggressive, continues to try to engage, or is threatening, bring that to your legal counsel or the police, as appropriate.

    2. Sara without an H*

      Agreed. Flag this applicant in case they apply again in the future (they probably will), then do not engage.

    3. Orv*

      This is probably best. If they send you 27 messages and then you reply, that just tells them that next time they need to send at least 28.

  6. Peanut Hamper*

    Unfortunately, some jobs will require you to have contact with the public, and every once in a while, one of those people will be emotionally unstable/volatile/hostile, etc.

    This is why if I have two candidates who are in most ways equal, I tend to prefer the one who had some retail experience at some point in their life. Working retail teaches you a lot about how to deal with people like this without being affected by it.

    1. Bast*

      Yes, if you’ve done a lengthy stint in food service or retail, you can likely keep your cool in the face of upset customers/clients/coworkers/whatever, because it’s a skill you have to learn to stick with the job any longer than a couple of weeks.

        2. Paint N Drip*

          This has totally re-framed tax prep for me… wacky people were my favorite part of working retail and I’m nosy to the extreme, so getting the inside scoop on wacky people sounds amazing lol

  8. leeapeea*

    I’m glad I went to Inc. to read the full article and response! Alison had a great general script when a candidate has applied more than once but is an unlikely fit – I added it to my applicant response options! I don’t’ think I’ll use it much but it has come up in the past (though no one reacted like the candidate in this letter, thankfully) so it will be handy.

  9. ClamCondor*

    We had an applicant once who was under a restraining order by one of our employees. For obvious reasons they didn’t get the job and blew up our HR manager’s phone and e-mail for two weeks demanding to know why they didn’t get the job…you can’t fix stupid…

  10. Nilsson Schmilsson*

    I’m curious whether the interviewer is a man or a woman. From personal experience, I know that a rejection coming from a man seems to be more “final” than coming from a woman. Even if the candidate is a woman.

    Yeah, it is as ridiculous as it sounds.

    1. Another Hiring Manager*

      I once had a young man contact me about an internship. His interests and goals had nothing in common with what I was hiring for and I had candidates who had those features. I gave his resume to someone whose projects were more aligned with what he wanted to do and sent him a rejection letter.

      He wrote back in capital letters that I should reconsider, that I didn’t understand what he was offering. I’ve wondered if he decided to push it because I’m a woman (we have pronouns in our signatures).

        1. WellRed*

          Mansplaining is never the answer. All CAPS is just underlining that and putting an exclamation point on it. (!)

          1. Reebee*

            He sounds too desperate to care about pronouns or “mansplaining” or any other speculative.

            His behavior was unsound, but I think a kinder read is overdue and in short shrift on this topic.

        2. Lydia*

          There are a lot of people who are desperate for jobs who never reply with an all-caps email explaining how wrong someone is. In fact, there are a lot more of them than the desperate people who do, so desperation is not an excuse.

  11. Neurospicy*

    I wish employers would tell candidates that they would not be considered at all for the company. Most of the boilerplate rejection letters say things like, “We encourage you to keep an eye on our listings and apply for another position.”

    The candidate was out of line, no question. I think it would be in the LW’s best interests to be clear that being hired will not be an option and then stop responding. Unless threats get physical, then we talk restraining order.

    1. MsM*

      I don’t think it’s the norm that companies will genuinely never consider someone at all under any circumstances, because usually people do just apply for jobs they think they’re qualified for and don’t make a big fuss if it doesn’t pan out. It’s the ones who spam every listing or start leaving increasingly desperate messages where you need to start considering a firmer “no,” and you can’t always tell who those applicants are when you send out the first form letter.

    2. Sneaky Squirrel*

      You would have to do something more egregious to be put on a never hire list. A company doesn’t want to discourage underqualified candidates from applying again because those candidates could be qualified for future jobs, could be qualified for similar jobs with different experience requirements, or they may refer the job to their qualified connections. If a candidate has become so volatile that the company has made a formal decision to never hire, it’s likely the company would have moved away from using any boiler plate language if they chose to respond at all.

    3. Dinwar*

      “I wish employers would tell candidates that they would not be considered at all for the company.”

      If that’s true, certainly, but one rejection doesn’t mean that you’ll never be considered. I know of a case where the person was rejected for the position they were interviewing for–the company found someone who was a better fit–but the person who rejected them put their application in for another open position (with the applicant’s knowledge), and the applicant got the other job.

      There are many, many reasons why an application may be rejected, most of which do not involve anything that would preclude the person being hired in the future. Sometimes you’re a really strong candidate, but someone else is just a little bit stronger. Sometimes all the applicants are equally strong, but the company can only pick one. Sometimes the company found someone they wanted to hire before they even got to you. Sometimes the position is eliminated entirely, meaning everyone gets rejected. In such cases, a policy of only allowing folks to apply once is self-defeating.

    4. Dandylions*

      Ugh yes!

      I actually got one that said “We are impressed with your vast accomplishments in healthcare and especially encourage you to apply to other openings you deem a good fit.” So I thought it was a personalized rejection, which was surprising since I wasn’t interviewed, and I actually emailed the HR rep to say I appled to a similar job req.

      Then a few months later, surprised no one ever responded to me when they were so impressed with my healthcare experience … I got the exact same rejection and realized it’s a form rejection!

    5. Lydia*

      The reason the boilerplate exists is because in the vast majority of cases, they aren’t blacklisting you and would consider you for the right fit. In the tiny minority of edge cases where someone has been blacklisted, it’s probably for a very good reason and it wouldn’t be wise or, possibly, safe for them to engage in a discussion with a blacklisted applicant on why they’ve been blacklisted.

    6. I Have RBF*

      Most companies will not blacklist you if you are not selected for one job, unless you are such an asshole in the interview that they decide they never want you there.

      When I was younger I took rejection and layoff much more personally. But, any reasonable person gets used to the idea that they aren’t the best fit everywhere, and that most corporations are soulless entities that make decisions based on financial and business needs, not based on what happens to the people involved. Yes, it’s a cold way to look at it, but business is pretty cold. People aren’t necessarily, but business is, at least in the US.

      This candidate sounds a bit untethered from business realities, and it’s not the LWs job to reel them in back to reality. No response is needed, just filter them to the bit bucket and make a note for recruiting that they are a “do not hire”.

  12. Justin*

    This all sort of reminds me of that early Seinfeld where they get stuck at Michael Chiklis’s house in Long Island and Jerry says, “if you’re ever in the city…”

    And then he shows up in the city randomly and runs up a huge bill in his apartment.

    I have a guy like this, though thankfully no shouting. He applied for an internship with me last summer and missed his interview slot because he got the timezone wrong (despite us being in the same timezone). It happens, but I already had a candidate I was happy with (which worked out well) so I moved on. I said (uh oh), “but keep an eye out for other positions.” I wouldn’t hold a simple mistake against him in the long term.

    This man now applies to every.single.job.post.we.have.

    I am finally hiring for a FTE for my own team. He applied. I just quietly used the “no” button in our system.

    He’s not being volatile or anything, just exercising poor judgment. So I guess I’ll keep seeing him pop up for a while.

    1. Seashell*

      I guess I could see it being poor judgment if he isn’t qualified for the jobs he’s applying for or if they’re not sort of position he would actually want, but otherwise it seems normal to keep applying if someone encouraged you to do so.

      1. MissBaudelaire*

        Yeah, I’m not sure it really is poor judgment. I’ve seen articles where it’s been encouraged to apply for whatever you’re interested in, even if you’re not a perfect fit. Because you never know.

        Is it annoying for the people who get the applications? Sure, I guess. It’s part of the game, though. Just like applicants aren’t supposed to take it personally when they don’t get a job, maybe employers/recruiters shouldn’t get annoyed when people are trying.

        1. I Have RBF*

          When I’m out of work I’ll apply for every job that I’m close to qualified for, especially if I’ve heard good things about the company. OTOH, I don’t get bent out of shape if they have other candidates that are more qualified.

          I don’t expect good communication from most companies, because IMO most companies have an HR department that is either overworked or otherwise dysfunctional when it comes to dealing with engineering positions. Nowadays I’m pleased to at least get a form letter rejection, because most companies just ghost you if you get bounced in the first couple rounds of screening. My expectations are very low for companies these days.

  13. VoPo*

    After 8 years working in the recruiting industry (not as a recruiter, but I still dealt with candidates), I have dealt with this person so many times. Best way was always just to repeat the same “Thank you for your interest. We have a lot of qualified candidates, so we aren’t moving forward with your candidacy.” In my experience, if you tell them there won’t ever be a good fit, they will just spend more time arguing with you.

  14. Cat Lady in the Mountains*

    It depends on how volatile their responses are, but in cases where someone is making phone calls like what the LW describes, I’ve found having HR send the rejection (instead of the hiring manager) is helpful. Not sure why; maybe it comes off as less personal to be rejected by someone who didn’t even speak with you? Maybe people just figure they can’t persuade HR bureaucracy the same way they can persuade the hiring manager? Maybe there’s more of a detached tone that HR folks are uniquely good at capturing?

    Generally I prefer to deal with my own rejections as a hiring manager but I’ve had a few that worried me enough to ask HR to take care of it, and that worked beautifully.

  15. Dandylions*

    It’s not at all strange that someone who was rejected after interviews would continue applying. If you know you won’t hire them stop interviewing them!

    Most reasonable people assume that if they are getting interviews they are a good fit and must have just barely been edged out.

    1. WellRed*

      But when they show themselves to be unreasonable and unstable it’s understandable not to want to deal with that.

    2. Kella*

      It sounds to me like it only became clear that they’d never consider this person after the second interview. It also sounds like OP doesn’t expect this applicant to already know that they shouldn’t continue applying, but because they have kept applying and also demonstrated they should never be considered, OP now needs to do something about it. If the woman had stopped applying after that second rejection and resulting outburst, OP wouldn’t have a problem to solve.

    3. Lydia*

      They only interviewed twice and after the first one it wasn’t clear they wouldn’t be a good fit at all, just not a good fit in that role. Interviewing the same person twice in two different departments isn’t stringing them along or giving them false hope. Even interviewing for the same department twice isn’t outrageous.

      1. Dandylions*

        Yes I agree.

        I am replying to OPs opening statement about this applicant applying “over and over again”. Applying for a few jobs after being interviewed twice isn’t strange at all or bad behavior.

        I Think OP is reading into that behavior because of the other bad behaviors. I was pointing out that of course you will apply to more jobs when you are getting interviews. This isn’t strange.

  16. Jet Blu*

    Just send the standard rejection letter. Personalized responses with an unstable person can make matters worse.

  17. Coyote River*

    I have been in this situation before, where a candidate applied multiple times and was rejected each time, which upset him. When my hiring officer brought the matter to me I decided to reach out to the candidate personally, re-state that he was not what I am looking for, and ask him not to send any more applications. He took my response surprisingly well.

  18. Crencestre*

    Do. not. contact. this. person. anymore!

    In “The Gift of Fear”, Gavin de Becker points out that if you tell someone 10 times that you don’t want to speak to him, you ARE speaking to him – 9 times more than you’d intended. This individual is severely disturbed, possibly even dangerous, and you need to sever all contact with them immediately.

    Oh, and be sure that HR knows exactly how unhinged this individual is and discuss with them the advisability of consulting your legal department if their behavior continues. This could escalate very, very quickly and at you really need to bring other “heavy hitters” in your company into this ASAP.

  19. Consent for References is Real*

    I have a Friend of a Friend (FOAF) who yearns to work for my employer. This is a huge operation with many employees at many levels. My area is often hiring, and this FOAF applies for every position. Sometimes they’re qualified, sometimes they are not. Sometimes they get interviews, sometimes they don’t. A few times, I’ve chaired or been on the search committees…and, thanks to clear hiring criteria and rubrics for evaluation and procedures that value team discussion of candidates (with loads of training on implicit bias and other factors that could exclude good candidates), the committees have been able to determine whether this person should advance or not. Thus far, this person has not advanced, for a variety of reasons.
    Not least of which is that they have cited informal conversations with me in cover letters, listed me as a “resource but not reference” (WTH?), and lean on our fairly superficial FOAF acquaintance to leverage their application. Alas, I do not hold such sway. Also, every last person reading such an application will find a way to ask me if the assertions made are true, since “resource but not reference” seems to permit a question or two.
    This candidate has repeatedly emailed and DM’d (on facebook) about their standing on active searches. They have begged our mutual friend for my cell number, to quiz me about searches in progress. They have “vaguebooked” and tagged me on social media posts.
    In the last search I chaired (where they were clearly not a good fit), I asked HR if I could convey to them that their chances of getting a position would improve if they were more judicious in their applications. I had a discussion with our mutual friend. I eventually blocked this FOAF on LinkedIn and other social media, because they were Very Angry that I did not fasttrack them into a job at my org, becaus they believed I could/would.
    I know they are still mad at me for setting limits. And I no longer participate in video/virtual cocktail hours hosted by mutual friend where this person may be present. Sadly, the narrative they are engaged in is that I have “blackballed” them. Untrue, bu tstill, UGH.

  20. Valerie Van Kooten*

    I don’t know…something seems off here. Did the employer lead this person to believe they were going to be hired? The fact that she was interviewed twice at this company tells me she must have the skills. Is something missing?

    Of course that’s no reason to act like a crazy person when rejected.

  22. Anonymous For Now*

    “This applicant seems emotionally unstable…”

    I guess the upside in all of this is that the applicant’s behavior post rejection validates the LW’s original assessment of them.

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