I share an office with someone who won’t stop talking

by Alison Green on September 30, 2024

A reader writes:

Due to renovations, I’m temporarily sharing an office with another employee. We work different jobs, but are technically peers. He is, frankly, driving me crazy.

Every question that comes across his mind, he gets up and asks me. Most of these are surprisingly basic questions. Some questions are work-related. Some are random, like how long of a drive it is to get to Chicago.

For the first week or so, I humored this, but when I realized it would be ongoing, I started a different tactic. I wouldn’t give him a direct answer, just reroute him where to find the information he was looking for. For instance, he would ask when a meeting was, I’d ask if he got the pertinent email, and when he responded he had, I’d state the time was listed in the email but I didn’t know it offhand. This didn’t in any way deter him, and he continued with the questions. One day I kept track and found that over an eight-hour period, he asked me 75 questions. These were everything from asking what someone’s phone number is to what time the local bagel place was open until!

I tried wearing headphones, but he would pull them out of my ears to ask his questions, which just was more jarring.

How do I deal with this without losing my sanity?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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{ 134 comments }

{ 134 comments… read them below }

      2. tina turner*

        Touching the headphones is the last straw — is there HR to turn to? They should understand that’s too far.
        75 questions a day is too far too.
        You say it’s temporary but now is the time to speak up, maybe expedite the move.

        1. ThatOtherClare*

          Agreed. I was riding the ‘Oh, sounds like a guy with ADHD who can’t keep his thoughts inside his head’ train right up to the ‘he would pull [my headphones] out of my ears’ station. Nope. That’s not impulse control, that’s being a boundary stomping asshole. Nobody gets to the age of ‘adult with a job’ without learning that you don’t touch other people and/or the things they’re wearing without their consent. Anyone who pretends they ‘didn’t realise’ they musn’t do that is a liar.

    2. Kat*

      lol I also thought “I’d be tempted to punch the guy”. Who the erf has the audacity to pull someone’s head phones out?!!

      Also, I am always so surprised that when faced with someone who is this much of a glass bowl, the LW is STILL at a loss of how to respond.

      1. “DO NOT pull out my headphones. DO NOT touch me in any way.”

      2. “You are frequently asking me questions that a)I would have no clue what the answer is (bagel shop) b) you are capable of finding the answers elsewhere. This is highly disruptive to my work and ability to concentrate. Please stop asking me questions unless they are DIRECTLY related to my work AND is information you require to complete your work”. (If they don’t believe you, point to 75 questions).

      3. If said behaviour continues, loop in your/his manager and tell them you have directly asked him to stop, he refuses. Can you please change desks or have someone else assigned to his office, or they speak to him directly.

      This is not a hard problem to solve!! The guy is CLEARLY clueless as in, he hasn’t picked up on the clues! lol. So. Speak. Directly. To. Him. And. Tell. Him. To. Stop. Interrupting. You!

      I have at times kicked myself for not standing up for myself, but I feel like the most basic interpersonal skill people should have mastered after kindergarten is the ability to tell someone “I don’t like when you do X. Please stop”. It’s honestly not that hard in most cases.

      1. Cassandra*

        I get what you’re saying, but I believe your response is overly harsh and does not take into account the diversity of experiences other people may have had. It is really common for people (especially neurodiverse people and trauma victims) to be conflict-averse enough that they can’t pull something like this off without encouragement and help. It’s also really common for people (especially women) to have been explicitly taught that such a response to someone is rude and should never be said so bluntly, regardless of the circumstances. I know I am trying to recover from such an upbringing, and I know many others. There are also abuse victims who have been conditioned that standing up for yourself makes things worse.

        It should never surprise you that the human experience is vast and varied. But telling someone ‘Every person over the age of 6 should already be able to solve this problem; it’s not hard’ will never help anybody. It IS hard- prohibitively hard- for some people, and they need encouragement and acknowledgment that it’s okay.

        1. Media Monkey*

          or the fact that you will have to keep working with this guy and so can’t completely burn the bridge in a way that a lot of those responses would.

          1. Curry Pan*

            This is the biggest thing. It’s hard getting the balance right that would allow for both remaining friendly for work reasons and getting him to shut up.

      2. Kella*

        Many people face severe consequences for setting hard boundaries like this, either in childhood or as a result of marginalization. Telling someone clearly to stop is only easy if a. you’ve been taught the skill of how to do this b. it has actually resulted in the behavior stopping when you’ve attempted it and c. there wasn’t seriously threatening fall-out blamed on you.

      3. Kella*

        Also, someone posted the update to the original publication of this letter in a comment below. OP says in the update that while it wasn’t obvious from their letter, they *had* asked the officemate to stop and explained it was disruptive. This didn’t stop the questions.

      4. Hannah Lee*

        If it got to #3, I’d seriously consider keeping a log of ALL the questions this guy asked in one day. Date, time stamp, question asked.

        And then print it out, and meet with your manager to say you’ve tried 1 and 2, and THIS is how your office-mate responded:
        Because
        – even if you aren’t stopping work to provide answers, a co-worker interrupting you to ask 75 questions a day is breaking your concentration 75 times a day.
        – and if it takes, say,a *minimum* of 60 seconds to get back on track to the work you were doing, concentrating on, that’s over ONE HOUR of work time that this guy has just burned (his and yours) possibly EVERY DAY.
        – and if 75% of his questions are not work related and the other 25% are things he could find the answers to himself, he’s a ginormous pointless time sink

        If I were LW’s manager I’d want to know that was going on. And I’d want a chance to step in somehow to make it stop: address it with Mr Quizzle, write him up, PIP with discipline up to and including termination if I was his manager; notifying his manager and getting him out of my team’s airspace if not.

        Because as a manager, I can’t afford that kind of time burning in my staff, and as a human being if I were in LW’s shoes I would lose my ever-loving mind.

        1. H3llifIknow*

          I think I’d reply to every question with “No” regardless of whether it was a yes or no question or not. “what time does the bagel shop close?” “No”. “Do you know what the weather forecast is?” “No” “How long is it to Chicago?” “No”

      5. Anita Brayke*

        I’m sure you mean well, but as folks have mentioned, not everybody learns this, ever, much less by kindergarten. Pushing back and/or telling someone to stop in my world, until the last 7 years (thank you, decent therapist!), often resulted in loud screaming and yelling at me. Which made me cower and apologize. I’m honestly and truly glad you were taught to say “I don’t like you doing this, please stop” by kindergarten. I truly wish more people had been taught this.

      6. goddessoftransitory*

        “lol I also thought “I’d be tempted to punch the guy”. Who the erf has the audacity to pull someone’s head phones out?!!”

        Sooooo many men on busses, trains, etc.

    4. Dawn*

      I remember reading this one not that long ago and I thought exactly the same thing.

      PULL MY EARPHONES OUT OF MY EARS and I’m going to have a reflex reaction that you’re going to regret.

      1. I Have RBF*

        Yeah, that level of physical contact when I’m not expecting it would get a reflexive reaction meant to dissuade muggers. I’m AFAB, have taken self defense courses, and have a significant startle reflex. Don’t touch me, especially when I’m concentrating.

      3. duinath*

        This is one of those questions that made me sad that “what is *wrong* with you” is not appropriate for work.

        Then again, neither is anything this guy is doing, so.

      4. a bright young reporter with a point of view*

        When I walk through the kitchen and catch my earbuds on a handle and they get yanked out…

        Let’s just say, if a human being did that to me on purpose, I do not know how I would response. It’s such a violent experience.

    5. earlthesachem*

      I occasionally joke that “he needed killin'” is a valid defense against murder in Texas. I don’t know where this poor person works, but I hope they don’t have to put it to the test.

  2. for the love of god...*

    Pulling headphones out of another person’s ears?! I would “accidentally” slap him under the justification of being startled while focusing.

    2. Dancing Otter*

      Not physical, but I do a *very* good ”How DARE you?!” The outrage would probably be clearly audible several offices away.
      Not promising I mightn’t “accidentally” shoulder him aside on my way to HR. Nobody is allowed to touch a coworker without explicit consent. (Absent CPR or similar)

      Also, 75 times in an 8-hour day is less than 6 minutes apart. If more than half are not work-related, that implies he’s spending half his day NOT focused on work. His manager ought to find that interesting, quite aside from the disruption to your own productivity.

    3. ThatOtherClare*

      If you can pull it off, a deep, dark, cold ‘Do not ever do that again.‘, while the skies go dark and thunder booms overhead like you’re a Disney villain works very well. Wait until they’re sitting down so that you can loom over them for full effect.

      It scares boundary pushers better than a slap, because returning the physicality shows people they’ve reached your limits and the consequences aren’t too bad. But if you’re still fully in control and you’re that scary already, what’s going to happen to them when you finally snap…?

      Strike fear into their very soul.

  3. Hlao-roo*

    There was an update to this letter, #2 on the “updates: the boss in the one-night stand’s apartment, the cross-examining manager, and more” post from December 18, 2019.

    I’ll post a link in a follow-up comment, but the short version is the letter-writer held firm on deflecting the questions, the office mate started asking (and annoying) more people down the hall, and he was eventually moved to a different office space and a different role in the company.

      2. e271828*

        I don’t understand why this mid-level employee who distracted and annoyed everyone around him even after being told not to was treated like an obstreperous first-grader and seated next to Teacher instead of being fired.

          1. ThatOtherClare*

            Maybe just a red flag with their legal team. If he has any mental health disorder with impulse control as a symptom (there are more than just ADHD), they might have come to the arrangement that he sits next to a manager who can help him establish which questions are relevant as an accommodation.

            That said, they should have been able to fire him based on the touching people and the sexism.

            If he can control his impulses so that he’s not distracting men by an equal amount then his behaviour isn’t caused by a mental health condition. And if he’s not capable of keeping his hands to himself he needs either a remote job, or one which his full-time chaperone can attend with him.

    2. Frank Doyle*

      That’s a great read, thank you for telling us where to find it! The original email has a few extra details too which only lead one to be MORE frustrated in this dude.

      Side note, the final “update” signs off with “Cheers to 2020!” Sigh. Ah, the innocence of late 2019.

    3. Unkempt Flatware*

      I just went and found it. These are those situations where it would be wise for a boss to pull him aside and tell him his bad habits are ruining his relationships and impacting his reputation in a negative way. I used to have a boyfriend who would ask me how to spell random words at all time of the the day until I flipped out and asked him why he couldn’t ask Alexa. Maybe this man just needs an Alexa in his ear all day.

    4. Pay no attention...*

      Honestly, sounds like the questions — and answers — themselves were probably irrelevant and he was just desperately seeking interaction. Therapy would be his solution, but not for the original letter writer to suggest or be involved with in any way.

      1. ferrina*

        Agree with those of these points. This guy seems to have a very, very high need for interaction, but that’s also absolutely not the LW’s to manage in any way, shape or form. This dude needs to manage his own needs in an appropriate way, not expect a single person (much less a coworker?!) to be available with attention on demand.

        Side note- I met someone who divorced their husband of 10+ years because he would. not. stop. talking.

        1. Guacamole Bob*

          This is why it’s so important to know yourself and find a job that fits your personality. There are plenty of jobs where you talk to people all day long! Many people are not cut out for those jobs, including me! It sounds like this guy isn’t cut out for more independent desk jobs.

          I mean, I’d be annoyed if my DMV clerk or physician assistant or hotel concierge asked me random questions or wouldn’t stop talking, but maybe if it was actually his job to interact more with others he would be able to keep the questions under control.

        2. Goldenrod*

          Wow. Some people really cannot stop talking to save their lives.

          This is yet another problem that is solved by remote work! I’ve worked in so many offices with a person like this. One co-worker would literally narrate everything she was doing…all…day…long. And then complain that she didn’t have enough time to get her work done.

          1. Pay no attention...*

            “One co-worker would literally narrate everything she was doing…all…day…long”

            I had an optometrist like this! She was actually filling in for my regular Op and was normally a pediatric optometrist where it’s actually a thing to “say then do” … I’m just going to wash my hands, and now I’m drying them off, and then I’m picking up the lens, I’m going to adjust the light…” I found it amusing for my appointment but I can see where that would get annoying fast.

            1. Vio*

              It can make sense in that kind of context, a lot of patients (certainly not all, but enough that it can become a default) find it comforting to understand what is going on, so many medical professionals, especially those working with children, can develop such a habit. Of course what’s comforting for one person can be a nightmare for another.

              1. DotDotDot*

                This seems like man-child behaviour being carried over to the office. I bet this guy asks his wife where the cheese is, whether he has clean socks, and what day his mother’s birthday is. Why use your own brain, when you can get the nearest female to do the thinking for you?

        3. ragazza*

          Yeah, I broke up with a partner of a few years recently because of this. It wasn’t the only reason, but it definitely was a big one. To the point that once I said “I bet if you collected data on how much you talk vs. how much I talk, it would show that you talk a LOT more,” and he literally said, “I don’t think that’s true,” and kept talking.

      2. DisneyChannelThis*

        The fact he was seeking out other female coworkers when OP was absent seems noteworthy too. Work is not your dating space!

        1. Pay no attention...*

          It doesn’t strike me as sexual since he isn’t making innuendos or asking for dates, and the questions seem just totally random. It reminds me of little kids trying to get a mother’s attention, “Mom, mom, moooom, mom, mama, mama, mommy…” Over his life, women have probably been more likely to answer, so he’s been conditioned to seek women.

            2. Hannah Lee*

              I think you’ve hit it!

              He thinks women in his workspace exist as resources for him to use, whenever and whyever he chooses. Their own work, focus, etc doesn’t matter to him. They exist only to scratch whatever curious itch he has at the moment. And he also perceives them to be lower status, because he can’t fathom that annoying them all day long would have any cost to him, and he doesn’t value, respect them enough to want to avoid looking like a lazy, incapable, immature dependent twit.

              He would *never* pepper all his male co-workers the same way.

          2. cottagechick73*

            It could still be trying to get the small talk going and then lead into the more friendship or date kind of talk, like he is reading some bad dating handbook. Especially since its only towards half of the office staff and not everyone.

      3. WillowSunstar*

        Yeah, I had an office mate like that and he definitely targeted women with his questions. I even made a FAQ for him, with my boss’s approval, and he still kept targeting me with questions that he should have known over a year into the job, or were in the FAQ. My guess it was a combo of being socially awkward, not knowing how to start a conversation really, and also forgetting that your co-workers aren’t there to either a. be your best buds or b. your entertainment.

      4. goddessoftransitory*

        While I can understand that in a “okay, that’s within the range of human experience” kinda way, someone upthread worked out that this guy was seeking interaction every SIX MINUTES. Not even literal infants need that level of stimulus!

    5. Observer*

      the office mate started asking (and annoying) more people down the hall, and he was eventually moved to a different office space and a different role in the company.

      The good part of the update is that the LW actually got put on a good project and the CW got moved.

      The annoying part was that it took till he started annoying more and more people, more and more, that anything was done about him at all.

  5. Caramel & Cheddar*

    I’m so curious how this guy got his questions answered before he got an office mate. Whatever it was, dude, do that. (The answer is probably “Bugged someone else” so not really a solution, I suppose.)

    1. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Ah, I see there was an update and that’s exactly what happened. How unfortunate for everyone else.

    2. 1-800-BrownCow*

      Apparently some people have never learned about Google or other resources. The amount of questions I see on social media is some groups I belong to that a simple google search would give an answer, more quickly, is astounding.

      1. Caramel & Cheddar*

        I used to be annoyed about people’s inability to google for this very reason, but since AI has basically ruined Google at this point, my expectation that people should be able to find an answer using that search engine is basically zero at this point. And you can’t hope they’ll use another search engine because how are they going to find that search engine without googling “alternate search engines” first. :D

      2. Workerbee*

        It’s not that astounding when you consider that this person / those people are craving direct human interaction. Even when online, there’s at least a name attached and an avatar of sorts.

  6. Someone*

    Ironic that I commented on another letter today that you should feel confident when asking questions at work, but this person is really pushing the limits of patience.

    1. Paint N Drip*

      Ugh this is so tough to navigate, questions at work is almost a Dunning-Kreuger situation where conscientious and resourceful people will feel bad asking (even though they’ve done the most research/legwork and asking once one hits a roadblock is a correct choice) and clueless people will not even consider for a millisecond NOT asking (even though they’ve done nothing to self-solve despite that they probably have several resources at their disposal)

      1. Hannah Lee*

        Well for starters, the decision tree for asking questions at work, and whether you should interrupt someone or even ask at all should filter out some of the issues:

        Is it related to work?
        No? Don’t ask the question. Stop decision tree.
        Yes? Is the answer needed to do your job right then?
        No? Don’t ask the question; make note to ask later (when you’re already
        talking)
        Yes? Have you already looked at documentation, task guides, reference
        material, shared calendars, your own notes, email and found no solution?
        No? Don’t ask the question. Refer to available resources already
        available.
        Yes? Is the person you’re about to ask likely to know the answer?
        No? Don’t ask the question. Go find someone who is.
        Yes? Are they the ‘keeper’ of the info you want? Is it their job to
        manage and communicate it?
        No? Don’t ask the question. Go find someone who is.
        Yes? Do they seem available to be interrupted (ie not
        concentrating, not pouring over something, not on
        the phone, etc?)
        No? (they look busy) Don’t ask the question.
        Send them an email, text, teams note
        Yes? Ask them if they have time for a quick
        question

        And with a manager, co-workers who consistently point the inquisitive back up the decision tree if they ask when the decision point is a “no”, someone who is half aware, genuinely trying should develop better judgement. And it will make it clearer if someone isn’t (isn’t trying, just is looking to chat/turf effort, etc) and you can address that.

        1. Figaro*

          This is useful for people who struggle to judge but in a lot of workplaces, this is overly formal and restrictive.

          Once in a while a colleague will ask me “where did you get that shirt?” “do you know if the new coffee place has WiFi?” “did you watch BakeOff?” and it’s fine. In fact, it’s nice, and it’s kind of encouraged a bit in our office, as part of the point of coming into the office rather than WfH.

          It’s the frequency that’s an issue. And with this letter, the fact that the person pulled earphones of the LW’s ears (!) suggests they’re just generally insufferable with appalling judgement.

          1. Evan Þ*

            I agree. For a lot of information I ask about in my job, there is no “keeper of the information.” Maybe we should have more information-keepers, but in the least, I need to do my job rather than waiting till we get them.

          2. allathian*

            Yes, I agree. There’s room for more casual conversation at work, but you have to pick the right moment for it. At least in my organizational culture people generally avoid asking a non-work question, or even initiating a non-work conversation, if the other person looks busy.

        2. Hannah Lee*

          Yeah, I should have clarified – I realized now that read as if I thought all people everywhere should always go through a rigid decision tree like that.

          It was more for the folks in the second half of PnD’s comment, the

          “… clueless people will not even consider for a millisecond NOT asking (even though they’ve done nothing to self-solve despite that they probably have several resources at their disposal)”

          the ones who are relentlessly asky and don’t seem to be running any of their questions through any filter or applying any judgement, effort before they pop up and ask someone else. The “but how could I possibly no when it’s okay or not to ask?” folks, and ones with horrible judgement who would even contemplate ripping a coworkers headphones off.

      2. Kat*

        I used to get so many stupid questions emailed to me by people at mgmt level making 6 figures. I decided even emailing back to say “check the ” or “did you check the file?” was a waste of my time. I just started deleting them.

    2. Vio*

      There is always an exception to EVERY piece of good advice. Any time you think of a good rule of thumb you can guarantee somebody managed to turn it into a middle finger.

  7. Angie S.*

    I once had a coworker whom later I told her how I didn’t appreciate her interrupting my day when I had my earbuds on. She was defensive at first, saying that she didn’t know I was putting on my earbuds (I had long hair so this excuse was totally possible). But after that talk, she seldom asked me any work questions. She didn’t even use any channels such at sending me an email or a quick message on Teams. I don’t know if she asked other coworkers. This coworker didn’t last long.

    I would file a complain with my manager if my coworker pulls my headphone out of my ears. This is a serious violation.

    1. ferrina*

      I mostly agree, but also, headphones aren’t subtle. They are very widely recognized as “I am doing something else and do not interrupt me”. And generally “don’t touch coworkers/people’s headphones” is pretty well understood.

      1. Caramel & Cheddar*

        I don’t know, there are a surprising number of people who don’t think that’s what headphones mean. I have several coworkers who don’t understand this, and a non-zero number of times have experienced someone in public trying to talk to me while I’m wearing them (huge, highly visible ones), as if I can hear them. While I wish they were universally recognized as “Do not interrupt”, I really can’t say from experience that this is as prevalent as you or I want it to be.

        1. Paint N Drip*

          Agree with you and this is one tough! When I am wearing huge headphones, it is ME signaling that I don’t want to be talked to. However I have some neurodivergent friends who find that using noise dampening headphones makes going out in public easier, and they definitely aren’t making the unspoken request to be left alone – also one of my neighbors I’ve never spoken to when he wasn’t wearing headphones… idk about his diagnoses or lack thereof, but it really seems to be a mixed bag of intents & perceptions

          1. Orv*

            I’d say if someone talks to you while wearing headphones, that’s an indication that it’s OK to talk to them, and they’re wearing them for a reason other than indicating non-availability.

        2. Observer*

          I don’t know, there are a surprising number of people who don’t think that’s what headphones mean.

          Yeah, but have any of these people actually tried to *take them out of your ears*? That’s not about “subtle hints”. That is absolutely an attempt to force someone to talk to you when you KNOW that they don’t want to.

          1. Silver Robin*

            yeah, I understand people reading headphones differently (though the majority of the time, they indicate “leave me alone”).

            But nowhere in the world is the next step “physically remove the item from the other person’s ears”. If you think somebody is interruptible but cannot hear you, we have shoulder taps for that! A small wave at the edge of their vision is another one! Seriously, who does that???

    2. Dahlia*

      The update said, “While I hadn’t made it obvious in my first email, I had mentioned to my now former office mate that the questions were excessive and disrupting. Alone, that had not stopped it.”

    3. Observer*

      Some of us don’t get subtle hints.

      Except that earbuds are NOT a “subtle hint”. And you just do NOT ever pull someone’s earbuds out of their ears. Inexcusable!

      Also, HR *was* direct with him and he just let it out on the LW.

      The only thing that seems to have helped is that she made it actually inconvenient for him.

  9. This one*

    Can you ask their manager to intervene? Something like “questions are good in the workplace, but not if they’re 1. easily answered and 2. constant. In the future, ask questions after you’ve spent 5-10 minutes looking up the answer yourself.”

  10. Pastor Petty Labelle*

    Someone pulled my headphones out of my ears just to ask me a question, they would not like the response. And I don’t mean what I would say to them.

    The only justifiable reason for doing so is a fire or other emergency needing evacuation of the building and it looked like I hadn’t heard the alarm.

    1. Sneaky Squirrel*

      Agreed, and there are many escalation tactics to get someone to remove their headphones before yoinking them out of someone’s ears. A tap on the shoulder to get attention first?

      1. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

        I once had a flight attendant pull out my earbud because I wasn’t participating in his “comedy” routine, and I yelled “OW!” even though it didn’t particularly hurt, thinking this might back him off. But no, the next several “jokes” were about what a bad sport I was! I’m sure everyone knows which airline it was. I didn’t fly with them for years, until the difference between their flights and everyone else’s was like a 14-hour layover and $800. (Thankfully they’re fine now and have mostly stopped with the comedy stuff, which I had heard, but for years I got a stabby pain in my right ear when I heard their name! )

  12. Three Flowers*

    “I don’t know if you realize how many questions you are asking and how much it disrupts my day. I need you to look for answers in your email, calendar, or Google instead of asking me. Also, you pulled my headphones out of my ears. Never, ever touch me again. I’m not kidding.”

    Reiterate in an email. Put the headphones back on and ignore him till he grabs them again, and then take it straight to HR with the fury of a thousand suns. Interfering with your person when you have told him to stop is a reason to go absolutely nuclear.

    1. Three Flowers*

      (Frankly, it’s a reason to go nuclear if you haven’t already told him to stop. This letter writer was waaaaaay under-reacting. I’d’ve Gone to HR and told them to get him out of my office or I’d call the cops for battery next time he tried it.)

  13. Callie*

    If you have laptops and there’s another work area available e.g. breakout area, empty desks, you could also go and work there. I work in an office area (open plan) that is FREEZING and is kept that way because one person likes it cold. I go out to our breakout area or other desks and sit there, for a few hours at a time each day.

  14. Sneaky Squirrel*

    I felt sympathy for the guy for a minute because I wondered if he was just doing it as his way of making conversation.

    But then I saw where he was pulling headphones out of LWs ears and oh no… No. That’s not someone trying to be conversational anymore. That’s someone commanding your time.

    1. River*

      I also thought this was his way of making conversation with OP but you said it best: this is commanding someone’s time. For sure.

    2. ferrina*

      yes! This is someone that feels entitled to LW’s attention whenever they want it because LW happens to be in proximity to them. Uggghhh.

  15. MotherofaPickle*

    I once had a supervisor whose mantra was “I LOVE questions!” even when it was something she had explained three times. We are still friends. In that job (internship kinda thing), I half trained my replacement. She was twice my age with more experience, but asked the same questions!

    I have modeled my Training Regimen after this awesome lady. I LOVE questions…as long as they are work-related. If they are not, well, I have a metric tonne of patience, but that runs out eventually…

    At my last job (gas station, transitional for low-wage workers), I was up front with all of this because I was the main trainer. My coworker ran most of them out. Not upset. If they couldn’t work with/around him, they would have never survived in CS/Retail. Also, I left right before I gave birth.

  16. The Not-An-Underpants Gnome*

    Anyone who pulled headphones out of my ears would not get a verbal response to their question.

    They WOULD, however, find out what the five fingers said to they face.

  17. River*

    I work with a desk neighbor that almost does the same thing. He asks questions in the open because he’s waiting for one of us to chime in. And sometimes its the most random questions about anything. Sometimes talking to yourself does help. But when I saw that this guy is physically walking over directly to OP, this took a whole turn. I know for a fact my eyes widened when I read that part and the headphones part.

    I definitely would love to see an update to this, especially because I am going through practically the same situation

    1. Unkempt Flatware*

      Yep. My father often asks questions out into the ether and then screams at us for not answering him. I’d be triggered by this guy so so bad because of this.

    2. Antilles*

      It isn’t linked in the article for whatever reason, but there was an update that Hlao-roo linked above. tl;dr is that OP decided to push back, so he started annoying the heck out of everybody else instead.

  18. I guess my entire company was the real work wife the whole time.*

    This resonates greatly with me. I have a bunch of coworkers who I guess are super happy about AI because they just looooooove asking questions. My favorite is when someone asks me if I know something, and I say I don’t but I’d like to hear the answer whenever it’s figured out, and then they respond something like, “Cool, let me know if you figure it out.”

  19. I only want everything*

    This reminds me of a coworker I had years ago. She and I were temps/contractors. We shared a space and she constantly interrupted my work to ask the most random questions. The final straw was when she interrupted me to ask if squirrels feel cold (it was winter)! At that point I started finding any free space I could to work. Luckily she eventually left that job and I had peace again.

    1. Elspeth*

      I worked with her clone. She asked the most inane questions. This was right around the time the site “Let Me Google That For You” became popular and I had to resist linking her there so many times.

      My favorite was when she asked me what the difference was between Notre Dame High School (a local private high school, NOT in Indiana) and the University of Notre Dame. I had no idea where to start. And no idea why she was asking.

  20. VintageLydia*

    I know I can be the talkative coworker but sounds like this one needs to learn to read the room. Headphones are a giant no-go outside of an immediate emergency. It takes a lot of social intelligence to be chatty without being annoying and this person seems to have none of it.

    1. allathian*

      Yes, I agree. I still WFH most of the time, and when I go to the office, I spend a lot of the time socializing, far more than I did when I went to the office nearly every day. But I’m very careful to socialize with those who show up in the break room or stop walking when I meet them in the hallways. I’ll say hi, but if they’re obviously in a hurry I won’t try to engage them in conversation. I don’t go to people’s desks asking questions, certainly not if they’re wearing headphones.

      I’m far more likely to ask work-related questions on Teams or by email, simply because my ability to retain information I hear has tanked in recent years. Any action items have to be confirmed in writing for sure.

  21. James*

    I had a boss once who never had a single thought without expressing it and adding “don’t you agree?” or “that’s right, isn’t it?” or some other open question at the end. She sat across from me in our open office, and the thoughts – random, random thoughts, oh but they were random – came thick and fast all day every day. She’d stop and look at me, waiting for my answer, which was usually “uh huh” or “uh huh?” or “uh huh!”

    Sometimes there was a genuine work-related question or a request for me to do a task or the like so I couldn’t tune her out.

    When I got another job, it took SIX WHOLE MONTHS to get out of the habit of looking up and saying “uh huh?” whenever anybody said anything that sounded vaguely like a question anywhere near me.

    I feel for this letter writer, I really really do.

    1. River*

      My desk neighbor often does the open ended question hoping for one of us to answer. Sometimes when it’s just me and him, I will purposely go “what was that?” or “hmm?” or something to that degree. Then he has to repeat everything he said which I know he doesn’t like. In the years I’ve worked with him, he’s stopped doing this with me however my other desk neighbors he takes advantage of their attention.

  22. Catabodua*

    If he pulls your headphones again, scream STOP TOUCHING ME in a way the ensures lots of people in the office hear you.

    Then, immediately to HR.

  23. Emotional support capybara (he/him)*

    There are socially acceptable ways to get the attention of a person with headphones on in a nonemergency situation! “Just yank ’em out” sure isn’t one of them! Holy crap.

    1. Ellis Bell*

      Google Mommy is awesome, and I am stealing. I was having a conversation with a teacher colleague today about the phenomenon when a child asks you a question that could be easily discovered just by reading the materials in front of them. It’s also really common to be asked questions about something when it’s up on the board in front of them in highlighted letters. When you tell them to read what they’re directed to read (obviously this is someone who doesn’t have a reading issue), you get one of two responses; 1) “Oh! I will do that, thanks!” and 2) “Why would I read that when I can just ask you?” So, thank you to OP because I always wondered what happened to the number 2 students.

  25. grandma Cassie’s lady slippers*

    I had a coworker in her early 50s who always felt the need to ask questions of her coworkers. She had detailed procedure manuals and her own copious notes but felt the need to ask the question anyway. We started asking her what she thought the answer was or what the procedures said but it didn’t do any good. Perhaps she had a fear of doing something incorrectly or was just totally unsure of herself. It was very annoying. When I switched companies she was still asking questions 2 years after she started!

  26. I Have RBF*

    Maybe send this guy a link to a YouTube tutorial on “How To Use Google” or something, as well as a link to a tutorial on office etiquette.

  28. Sunshine Gremlin*

    Oh, my ex was like this, though I don’t think he was like this at work.

    He had a habit of busting in while I was in the shower, ripping open the shower curtain, and saying something to the effective of “calm down, it’s just me! I have a question about the Bill of Rights…”

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      “…that I’m asking through a throatful of my own blood because you’re gripping my trachea like a python!”

    3. allathian*

      Understandable that he’s an ex. But it would take one incident like that for me to start locking the bathroom door while I shower.

  29. Fluffy Orange Menace*

    Alison’s advice is good….OR, you can LOSE YOUR MIND like I did when I got asked one too many questions outside of my scope and yelled, “OMG I AM NOT THE REPOSITORY OF ALL INFORMATION IN THIS OFFICE!! If ONLY you had a magical device in your pocket or in front of your face where you could search for ANY AND ALL SUBJECTS!”

    1) It stopped
    2) My office is WFH and the coworker was my husband who also works from home, when he asked about 6 nonwork related (adjacent fields but not the same) questions in the span of 15 mins.
    :)

  30. Raida*

    hah, I can imagine someone pulling my headphones off realising just how big of a mistake they’d just made.

  31. Waving not Drowning*

    Ohhh, I have worked with a person like this – in a shared workspace of 5 people. Luckily this person only worked part time – although they were initially employed full time but drove everyone batshit crazy so they cut her hours to 2 days (position was needed).

    Conversation highlights – an entire day where she held forth on why she thought Oprah would be a great president (we are not in the USA). Constant moaning because she needed a man – she had urges to fill (and she went into much more graphic detail than was needed). Constant talk of children and her grandchildren.

    Saying that you couldn’t talk because you were busy with a deadline DID NOT WORK. She would then talk at you at length about how important your work was, and that she knows that you are busy and can’t talk, and that she knows when to be quiet when people are working. We actually used to go into the office next door just to sit in some silence. Person there was most sympathetic and would let us sit there just to get a break.

    Her days were numbered when the Grand Boss came into the office, and she spoke over him 5 times (yes, I counted). He had a meeting with her 10 minutes later, and she came back to us in tears saying her contract wasn’t being renewed. While we were sad that someone was losing their job, there was also relief that the office would be calmer without her.

    Fun fact – she was briefly put in charge of ordering stationery. For some unknown reason she decided to order multiple boxes of A3 paper. We’re talking around 150+ reams (she also ordered A4 paper, so it wasn’t that she got them mixed up). We rarely use A3 paper. A ream of it would last probably 18 months. So, when this was pointed out, did she do as requested, and ask for them to be collected/refunded (and we talked here through the process – MULTIPLE TIMES). Um….no. She unpacked each box and tucked them in storage cupboards EVERYWHERE. The building had 4 levels, with stationery cupboards on each level, so she filled the cupboards with the A3 paper. She found more storage areas and filled those with A3 paper. When we moved out of that building 5 years later, there was still A3 paper EVERYWHERE. We’d open up a cupboard to pack things, and it would have reams of the stuff there! The decision was made to leave it there, and hope that the next department occupying the space would use it.

  32. Penny*

    I have a colleague who is a question asker. One time she called me on the phone on a day we were working in different buildings to ask me, variously, 1) how the late Queen Elizabeth’s body was being transported from Balmoral to Edinburgh and 2) what time her body would be available for viewing at St Giles Cathedral. This had nothing to do with our work and to this day I don’t know why she thought I’d be the repository of this information.

  33. BonjourHello*

    The initial “won’t stop talking” part seems like a part of the employee’s personality. It’s possible that this person has ADD: Those folks needs to be on-the-go all the time.

    The ripping out headphones part is a big no. This person has behavioural issues beyond in a professional environment.

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