my mom

by Alison Green on September 26, 2024

My mom, who I have written about here before, died peacefully yesterday.

Diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer two years ago, she’s been struggling with abdominal pain since June, and it had worsened in the last few weeks. She was ready to go, and was relieved that she was able to use legalized Medical Aid in Dying (prescription medication that lets you die peacefully) to keep her suffering to a minimum. She had fought for years to get terminally ill people access to Medical Aid in Dying, long before she knew she would need to use it herself, and my family is deeply grateful for the peace and control it brought her.

She died exactly the way she wanted to, on her own terms, on a day she picked, with my sister and me at her side.

Below is something I wrote for her six years ago on Mother’s Day. I hope it tells you something about who she was.

 

Here are some things about my mom:

* She is an extrovert’s extrovert, but somehow ended up with two introverted daughters. She makes up for this by talking to random strangers as much as possible when we are out in public. Whenever she travels (which is frequent), she comes back with detailed stories about the lives of all the strangers she met.

* Her need to talk is so strong that she once called me from the woods during a silent yoga retreat.

* She thinks that yoga is the cure for all ills. Whenever I get sick — even if it’s just a cold — she tells me I need to do yoga. When I once pointed out that she’d had the exact same cold as me a few weeks earlier, despite daily yoga, she denied ever getting a cold and changed the subject.

* Some of my happiest childhood memories are of watching “Dallas” with her and heatedly discussing JR Ewing and Cliff Barnes. In retrospect, it wasn’t an appropriate show for an eight-year-old, but it was our Friday night thing and we were super into it. We were also heavily into Benson.

* She becomes a superhero when someone is ill or injured. She was never an especially demonstrably affectionate mom — she is too no-nonsense for that — but when you are sick, she tends to you like you are a baby kitten.

* Years after divorcing my dad in a not especially amicable split, she was sometimes found driving him to chemotherapy appointments.

* When I was about 12, I told her that I figured adults stopped having sex around 26 years old, because after that point they’d be too old and gross. About a decade later, when my then-boyfriend turned 26, she sent him a sympathy card. She is still immensely pleased with herself for this.

* She was once convinced she had shingles and was Very Upset about it, but it turned out to be a bug bite.

* She’s normally very careful not to give me unsolicited advice (I think as a reaction to having parents who gave her waaayyyy too much), but every once in a while she feels strongly about something and swoops in to tell me to do something. She’s nearly always right (aside from the yoga). Most of the really excellent advice I’ve received in my life has come from her.

* Things she has never pressured me to do: get married, have a wedding, have kids. Things she did pressure me to do: buy property, invest money, return library books.

* She is an excellent grandmother. She is constantly flying across the country to see my nieces, who love her.

* She likes to cook extravagant things, like a baked Alaska, just to see if she can, but she’s also unflappable about food issues. When I went vegan in my 20s and my vegan friends all had families who were varying degrees of unsupportive, my mom calmly started holding vegan Thanksgiving dinners. When my sister went kosher, my mom found kosher stores and restaurants. When my sister’s diet then got really complicated for medical reasons, my mom learned the 500 new rules my sister had to follow, hunted down obscure ingredients and recipes, made sure they were all kosher on top of it, and to this day calmly juggles myriad people’s varying dietary preferences without seeming in the least put out. I think she actually likes it.

* She stayed in a bad marriage for years because she thought it would be better for my sister and me. She was wrong — so, so wrong — but she sacrificed years of her life because she thought it would be good for us.

* She taught me to speak up when something is wrong in the world — whether it’s an unjust law or a silly company policy — and she has always supported me in doing that, even when she didn’t like what I said.

* She isn’t one to tell you she loves you, but if you pay attention, she’s saying it.

I miss her and love her. I will be taking some time off so content will be re-runs until I’m back.

{ 1,274 comments }

{ 1,274 comments… read them below }

  1. Jen M-G*

    Thank you for sharing your mother with us through your words. She was clearly an incredible woman. May her memory be a blessing.

        1. Sending gentle vibes*

          Thank you very much for sharing about your wonderful mom with us. זכרונה לברכה

          Please take the time you need and be gentle with yourself

    4. Kaitlyn*

      Allison, I’m so glad I got to learn a little about your mom and your relationship with her. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for telling us about her.

    5. Nervous Nellie*

      Jen M-G said it so well. Alison, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum, and wish you enormous comfort, and offer you my condolences.

    6. Biology Dropout*

      So so sorry for your loss, Alison. What an amazing tribute to a person who sounded incredible. May her memory be for a blessing.

    9. Full time reader, part time commenter*

      How sorry I am to hear this news. I am glad that your mother was able to determine the way of her choosing, after her long illness. Hoping that gives you and your family some peace and comfort. Losing a parent is brutal, like are like lions to us. This is a group with collective strong shoulders. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    10. Prof_Murph*

      Alison, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like a terrific person – and someone I would want to be friends with! My then 40-year-old sister died 15 years ago today so I’m sending support and there with you and spirit. I hope you are finding some solace in remembering all the wonderful times with your mother.

    13. Artistic Impulses*

      Alison, please accept my sincerest condolences. I agree with JenM-G, that you did such a wonderful job of painting a vivid picture of your extraordinary mother. I hope you and your family will be comforted by the many memories you have of her.

    17. SurlyAF*

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like an incredible woman. May her memory be a blessing.

    19. Vaguely Saunters*

      I’m so sorry for your loss Alison. Your writing describes your mother so vividly and how loved she was. She sounds like a wonderful person.
      Bereavement is hard, and i hope you get the time you need.

    20. Mercurially*

      I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. She sounds wonderful.

      “No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.”

      ― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

    22. Hannah Lee*

      Alison, my heart goes out to you and your family.

      She sounds like an amazing woman, and it’s lovely you have so many wonderful memories of her … not just the big moments, but the little ones too … like watching Benson together.

      Take care of yourself, and all the time you need.

      1. Can't remember my username*

        So very sorry for yoh loss. This is a lovely tribute, she sounds like a wonderful human.

  2. ChemistryChick*

    Oh, Alison, I am so sorry. I’m glad she was able to do this on her own terms and that you and your family were able to be with her. Sending love and comfort to you and yours during this difficult time. <3

      1. BG*

        Thank you for sharing these memories of your mom with us. What an amazing woman. I’m glad you and your sister were with her, but so very sorry for your loss.

    2. NotAnotherManager!*

      I feel the same way, and her strength to lobby for the rights of others at a time (when her own health was not good) is quite a legacy. I’m grateful she was able to have agency over her own life in the end.

      I’m incredibly sorry for your loss, Alison.

    2. Meera*

      I have lost my parents this year; from illnesses that were not going to get better. I am sad for myself; but not for them, because they are free from pain now. I loved your tribute. My condolences.

    1. ExCon(sultant)*

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Everything you wrote about your mother made me wish I could hang out with her–she was an amazing, kind, fun, exceptional person. Thank you for sharing this with us. My prayers and condolences are with you and your family.

    3. Crcala*

      She really does! I am still laughing over the sympathy card to the boyfriend when he turned 26.

      I am so very sorry for your loss, Alison. I appreciate you taking the time to tell us about her. May her memory be a blessing.

      1. Marty*

        + 1 My sympathies to you and your family. I am glad she got to leave on her terms and for all the great memories you have of her to comfort you.

    5. Anon Again... Naturally*

      Your mother sounds like she was a fascinating woman. Keep those warm memories close as you take the time you need to heal.

  9. desdemona*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, but grateful that she was able to do this on her terms. May her memory be a blessing.

      1. Anonymous in WI*

        Your mom sounds awesome, both as a person and as a mom, and I can see so much of her reflected in your thoughtful, caring, and open-minded writing.

        I hope you can feel all the support and sympathy being directed to you in this difficult time.

  12. Wendy the Spiffy*

    So sorry for your loss, and hope you’re surrounded by love and warm memories. Thank you for sharing a bit of her with us.

  15. iglwif*

    May your mother’s memory be a very great blessing (I can tell that it will be!), and may you and your family find comfort in one another and in knowing that she was able to make the choice that was right for her.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    1. Liane*

      Indeed, she was. Thanks for sharing about her over the years. My condolences, thoughts, and virtual hugs to your family.

  19. londonedit*

    I’m so very sorry. She sounds like an incredible woman, and I’m glad she was able to have the death she wanted. May her memory be a blessing.

  21. RetiredAcademicLibrarian*

    I am so sorry about your loss. She sounds like she was a kick-ass woman and I am glad you have so memories of her.

  23. Abogado Avocado*

    I am so sorry to hear of your Mom’s passing, Alison. The only good thing about cancer is that you have time to say goodbye, which may not make your Mom’s death any easier to bear, especially since she seems to have been a wonderful woman. May her name be a blessing.

  25. Galinda*

    I’m going through something similar with a beloved relative right now, and it is so very hard. Thank you for sharing such lovely memories of your mom with all of us. Wishing you and your family peace, comfort, and healing.

  30. We still use so much paper!*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing a bit of her with us. Take care of yourself.

  33. AVP*

    I’m so sorry, Alison! After all of her activism on this issue, it’s lovely to hear that she was able to make her own choice on this. But sending love and thoughts to your and your family.

  35. Relentlessly Socratic*

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alison. I am holding you and your family in my thoughts.

    When you first posted about mom, I immediately signed up for more information on medical aid in dying and wrote my congress-people. I will continue to support these measures in the memory of folks that I have lost and will always think of your mother as well.

  40. Crest*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s comforting to know that she wasn’t in unnecessary pain or suffering when she passed, especially because of her own advocacy work. And that she was with her loved ones.

  41. Localflighteast*

    I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you take comfort in the fcat that she did die on her own terms.
    Its the last gift we can offer to anyone and it makes a huge difference to the grieving process.

    Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve on a time frame that suits you. We all react differently and there is no right or wrong way to feel.

  44. kuff*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Your mom was a delight, and it’s clear how much you loved her. May her memory be a blessing.

  46. Belle of the Midwest*

    After reading your post, I feel as if I knew her personally. You described her that well.

    May you always be blessed a thousandfold by the memory and legacy of your mother.

  47. Liz*

    I am very sorry for your loss. My mother has Stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and I have been aware of your and your mother’s situation as you’ve mentioned it on the blog. Thank you for your inspiring writing.

  48. SympathyC*

    I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your memories–what a fun, funny, loving, and supportive mother. May her memory be a blessing.

  49. Orangina Limone*

    It’s very un-thethering to lose a parent. My condolences; I hope that the quietude of her passing offers some solace.

  50. Clare*

    Darling Alison I am sending love from the other side of the world. All the things you list are true of you. While you demonstrate that, make the world better, and remember her, she is with us all. xx

  52. TorchDuck*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. I loved reading your reflections. She sounds like an amazing woman and mom.

  56. ILoveLlamas*

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Please take all the time you need to process this. I’m sure your loyal readers agree that we understand and wish you the same grace that you always give us.

  57. HonorBox*

    Sending you wishes for comfort and sending a big virtual embrace. Thank you for sharing the great memories of your mom.

  60. the one who*

    I’m very sorry for your loss, Alison, but grateful for your mom’s ability to leave peacefully and on her terms. Your writing about her has been a real comfort to me during my own mom’s illness and death this past year and your love for her has always been so evident. I’m thinking about you and your family.

  62. BW*

    Please accept my deepest condolences. Your mother sounds like an awesome person.

    I especially like the condolence card she sent to your 26 year old boyfriend!

  64. 3dognight*

    I love that you told such an amazing story of your mom. I love how you talk about her all the time. She sounds like the best! The sympathy card made me laugh out loud.
    There are no words that anyone can say that make this better or easier. And in the vein of advice, as my daughter recently, and unexpectedly passed, I will say give yourself grace, take the time you need. Do what feels right for you and her. If you need to cry, cry, if you need to scream, scream, if you need to work–you do not. Let your friends and her friends take care of you for a while. They genuinely do not know what to do to make this better, let them help you. Give them tasks, like can you clean the kitchen, or mow the lawn or mop the floors. Bring TP, hit the grocery or whatever. I know this is long, and I’m done with the advice. Many, many hugs your way.

    2. Snarl Trolley*

      (Just gonna nudge in here to send internet-stranger but no less deep and heartfelt love and comfort to you as well. I’m so very sorry for your loss, and I hope your grief is soon joined again with joy and peace wherever it can. <3)

  65. CityMouse*

    I am so sorry for your loss. As you would tell anyone who wrote in, your health and wellbeing is most important so please prioritize yourself and not this website for as long as you need.

  66. Jane Bingley*

    Oh, how incredibly hard. I’m glad she was able to go in the way she wanted. May her memory be a blessing.

  68. Lifelong student*

    I am sure she will rest in peace. May peace and memories sustain you and your family in the sorrow of losing her and may you all be uplifted by your memories.

  72. Jules the First*

    Thank you for sharing your mom with us so movingly. But thank you also for allowing us to see how very much of your mom lives on in you, of which we are the lucky beneficiaries. And thank you for speaking up and openly taking time away from your work to sit with your loss; we need more leaders brave enough to be open about the need to do this. We will be here when you are ready to be back, and in the meantime, know that you and your family are held in our hearts.

    1. Ron McDon*

      Beautifully put, Jules.

      So sorry for your loss, Alison – you inherited your mum’s kick ass genes and she was undoubtedly as proud of you, your sister and her granddaughters as you all were of her.

    2. Minimal Pear*

      This is wonderfully put, Jules, and thank you for saying what I wanted to say but was struggling to articulate.

  73. Three Pandemic Kids*

    Oh Alison, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like a beautiful soul who you were blessed to share your life with, and I thank you for sharing her with us as well. My deepest condolences to you, your family and loved ones, and to all those affected by your mom’s passing.

  74. online millenial*

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need, both now and on the hard days full of grief in the future, the ones you can’t always predict.

  75. Gmezzy*

    What a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing so openly, she sounds like an amazing woman. May her memory be a blessing. May your kitties take good care of you through your grief.

    I hope you take all the time you need… in my experience you’ll need more than you think.

  76. Sharp-dressed Boston Terrier*

    My deepest and sincerest condolences to you and your family on your loss. May you all find the strength and comfort you need to carry you through the days ahead.

  77. Adultiest Adult*

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alison. What a beautiful tribute to a very strong woman, who raised a very strong woman. I am so glad that she was able to depart this life on her terms. May her memory be a blessing.

  78. Almost A Shrimp*

    Oh, Alison, I am so sorry for your loss, but also comforted to hear she was able to pass on her own terms. The world has lost a bad-ass woman!

  79. old curmudgeon*

    Oh, Alison – I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Your description of your mom reminds me an awful lot of my own mother, whose death 27 years ago I still grieve. I share your gratitude that she was able to determine the time and manner of her death, while also sharing your grief that it was necessary in the first place.

    Thank you for sharing this glimpse of the amazing woman she was. May her memory be a blessing.

  81. Lisa Large*

    Your mom is s fabulous! Ty for sharing some of her stories and your grief. Hopes of comfort and peace to you and family. Remember, your mom will always be just over your shoulder.

  83. Artemesia*

    I am so glad your mother’s hard work to aid others ended up making her passing the way she had wished. Tough time, losing one’s Mom, but a blessing that you can feel it happened as well as it could. May your family find comfort in that.

  84. Bye Academia*

    I’m so sorry for your immense loss. She sounds like a wonderful woman; thank you for sharing her with us. I’m glad that she was ultimately able to access Medical Aid in Dying, and I hope it brought you all some peace in this awful time. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

  87. Rando*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know your Mom was an amazing person. You’ll be in my thoughts. It might sound a little weird to hear that since this is only my second comment ever, but I’ve been lurking daily for years and I value this site and your advice tremendously.

  88. Jane*

    Oh, Alison, I’m so sorry. Your mom sounds like she was a real gem. Please take all the time you need, and may her memory be a blessing. <3

  91. Radioactive Cyborg Llama*

    What a lovely and occasionally hilarious portrait of your Mom (the sympathy card!) I am holding you and your family in my heart.

  93. Area Woman*

    My dad died of pancreatic cancer earlier this year. We had 7 months with him post diagnosis. I am happy you had the time you had and she went on her own terms, but I’m crying here with you about how unfair it all is.

  94. Bibliovore*

    Thank you for sharing your mom with your on-line community. I am so sorry for your loss. Take care. Take time. We will take care of things here. Things that helped me. Asking for help. For stupid things – folding laundry, taking out the garbage, walking the dogs. Understanding that grief comes to us individually and there is no right way. From the commentariat- numerous people suggest Its Okay Your Not Okay. A lot of grief groups have a Christian flavor so if you need a Jewish on-line one, I can connect you.

  95. irritable vowel*

    Alison, I’m so sorry to hear this, but I’m also so happy to hear that she was able to go the way she wanted to. I know that was really important to her, and on behalf of someone in my life who didn’t have that choice, I’m thankful for her work in this area. Your mom sounds a lot like my mom, who died last year – I know what a huge gap she will leave. Big hugs to you and your family.

  96. Saddesklunch*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. My mother died two and a half years ago from cancer and was able to use medical aid in dying – I’m so glad that your mother was also able to access MAID at the end of her life. Your mother sounds like such a wonderful person, may her memory be a blessing. Wishing you so much love and support during this terrible time.

  98. BiblioBabe*

    I’m so sorry for your loss Allison. I lost both my dad and my mom last year. They were quite elderly, but it’s still so difficult. I hope you can spend some quality time with your remaining family, reminiscing about your good memories.

  99. libellulebelle*

    Alison, deepest condolences from this internet stranger. Your words paint a vivid and delightful picture of your mom. May her memory be a blessing.

  100. My Brain is Exploding*

    Alison, you have my sympathy. Losing a parent is unmooring; you are suddenly set adrift from someone who has been an anchor your whole life. Through this website, you have introduced your mom to so many people and I think we have all enjoyed getting to know about her. She sounds fabulous. It’s fun to know that she probably would have enjoyed getting to know all of us, too! She has certainly left a wonderful legacy. Please take care of yourself.

  101. DeskApple*

    Her advocacy likely will bless countless individuals around the world who seek access to the ability to die on their own terms. What a tremendous legacy. Sending sympathy from Germany.

  104. HR Ninja*

    I am so, so sorry, Alison! I can tell she was a wonderful mom; not only by what you’ve shared with us (thank you for that) but also by what an amazing person you are!

  105. Michele Shafer*

    My condolences. It sounds like your mother handled her illness with dignity and grace right to the end. May your fond and loving memories of her help ease your loss.

  106. Alena*

    Sending my condolences. Your mom sounds like she was hilarious AND a badass. Grateful that we all get some of her excellent advice through you.

  109. Successful Birthday Rememberer*

    She sounds like a truly delightful person and I can see why she means so much to you. Sending love and condolences to you and your family. I hope that you are able to have peace in knowing that she’s no longer suffering.

  113. Jamboree*

    I have to be upfront and tell you while I knew this was coming it hit me like a brick, and I couldn’t read past that she fought for medical aid in dying for all of us. I promise I’ll read the rest but I wanted to d say your mom is a hero.

    Your mom is a hero and her name will always be a blessing.

    Thank you for sharing her with us.

  114. FromasmalltowninCanada*

    I’m so sorry for your loss Alison. What you wrote about your Mom is beautiful and she really comes to life through your words.

    Take whatever time you need away – all the internet people will still be here when you come back you just take care of yourself and your family.

    I lost my Mom when I was young, also to cancer – there are no words to make this better. As someone else said, the only gift cancer gives is notice so you can try to prepare and say the things you need and want to say. I hope in time you have peace.

  115. Mockingjay*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. May the memories you shared of her bring you peace.

    Take all the time you need away from this site. We’ll be here when you’re ready.

  117. Alexander Graham Yell*

    Thank you for sharing these parts of her with us. I’m so sorry for your loss, and hope that her friends and family can always find something beautiful to remind them of her, and that you all take the best parts of her and continue to bring them into the world. May her memory be a blessing.

  118. Helvetica*

    Very sorry for your loss! I especially loved the story about the card she sent to your boyfriend when he turned 26.

  119. New laptop who dis*

    I loved the tribute. Shout out to fellow Benson lovers! Your mom sounded amazing and it’s so obvious the influence she had upon you. I’m so sorry for your loss, may her memory be a blessing.

  121. A Tired Queer*

    Your mother sounds like a powerhouse of a personality and I’m so glad that you shared so much about her with us. May her memory be a blessing.

  123. Yup*

    What a beautiful and loving tribute. A testament to her life, and to having her in yours. My deepest sympathies for your loss, and may her memories always make you smile.

  125. V.*

    I am so sorry to hear this news. Your mom sounds like an incredible person; thank you for sharing memories of her with us.

  126. Jennifer @unchartedworlds*

    Sending love. Respect to your lovely mom for all she accomplished. Thank you for sharing all this with us.

  128. Amy S*

    I am so sorry. What a wonderful list. As someone who often gets Very Upset about things as small as bites, I connected with these lovely details.

  129. Sarah Lurker*

    I have been reading for 10 years and don’t comment, but I want to join the chorus of readers to say that I care about you. Your mom sounds amazing, and I’m so glad that she got to pass away on her own terms.

    Take care of yourself, rerun content for as long as you need, and know that thousands of people are thinking of you as you grieve and celebrate your mom’s life.

  132. juliebulie*

    Thanks for sharing your mother with us. It is a great loss indeed.

    As for the reruns, I’m really enjoying them.

  133. ZSD*

    I’m sorry for your loss. I’m impressed with and grateful for the work she did to garner more people the right to die on their own terms.

  136. Mobie's Mom Now*

    I’m both so very sorry for your loss, and grateful that your mom was able to pass the way she wanted to. She sounds like an amazing woman. Blessings to you and your family during this time.

  138. TiffanyInHouston*

    I’m tremendously sorry for your loss but WHAT A LIFE!!! She was amazing!! May her memory be a blessing.

  141. tsumommy*

    I’m so glad you’re mom had dignity in her death by being able to use Medical Aid in Dying, and my hat is off to her for championing it. Hugs to you and your sister.

  142. kt*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. You bring a lot of positive change to people’s lives through your work here (and, I’m sure, in all other areas of your life!) and it seems like your mom’s legacy lives on through that.

  144. Michele one L*

    So very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your comments/thoughts about your incredible Mom. Wishing you grace, peace and comfort in your memories.

  146. NYWeasel*

    I’m so sorry for your loss but appreciate how you shared her with us, so we could also see what a remarkable woman she was.

  150. TheGirlintheAfternoon*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Allison, and so glad that your mother got make the choice for herself about when the time was right.

  152. Her name was Lola, she was an intern*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. I’ve thought about your mother often over the past couple years, and she sounds like an incredible person.

  153. Tess*

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alison. Thank you for sharing this portrait of who your mother was–she sounds like an amazing human and mom. May her memory be a blessing to you always.

  154. ijustworkhere*

    My condolences. It’s so hard to lose your mom. No matter how severe the illness is, we always think nad hope–we’ll have one more day. I’m so glad she was able to die on her own terms.

  155. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

    That was a truly beautiful post. Full of warmth and character. May the memories of her bring you comfort during these times.

  156. blood orange*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. Sending the love and best wishes from this amazing community that you’ve built.

  159. LlamaZoomer*

    Alison and family – as another child of a pancreatic cancer patient, I know how excruciating this can be and I share in your sorrow and grief. Thankful she could make her own decision when the time came – and thank you to her for advocating for that right for all of us, whether we know now that we’ll need it or not. May her memory be a blessing.

  160. Anne Elliot*

    She sounds like a wonderful person, thank you for sharing. Wishing you and your family strength and comfort in such difficult, painful time.

  161. AlliB*

    It is so clear how much you love and admire your mother. Everyone should be so lucky to have a mom like yours, and I am so so sorry for your loss.

  164. Kyrielle*

    Thank you for sharing her with us. I am so sorry for your loss. Glad she got to choose, and it went well. May her memory be a blessing.

  166. AnonInCanada*

    My sincerest condolences for your loss. Having lost my mother about two years ago to cancer after fighting it for years, I’ve found it easier to cope by assuring myself she no longer has to live with the pain and suffering when I think of her.

  169. Three Owls in a Trench Coat*

    My deepest sympathies to you, your sister, and your extended family. My mother passed this summer, and I feel her absence in small things. As I said to one of my closest friends who also lost her father recently –

    Joy and loss are two tides of the same deep, loving current. It changes our lives as the ocean changes the shore.

    ~L

  173. PhyllisB*

    Alison, I’m so sorry, but I’m glad your mother had a peaceful passing on her own terms.
    Much love to you and your family.

  174. Slinky*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband and I have a dear friend who is currently experiencing something very similar with her mother, so you and she and your mothers have all been in my thoughts. The loss of a parent is one of the most profound griefs, and one that many of us will bear. Wishing you and your family peace and healing in the days to come.

  175. Aj*

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts. May her memory be a blessing.

  176. Pick a Duck*

    I am so sorry for your loss, but this is also an amazing way that she got to go. I wish everyone could have that option. sending all the healing vibes and love!

  177. Kitano*

    Wishing you and the rest of your family well during this difficult time <3 Your mom sounds like an excellent woman and we are blessed to have known her through you.

  179. The Original K.*

    Your mother sounds like a wonderful person who loved and was loved, which is really what we hope for. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

  180. Heather*

    What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful person. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I hope your memories bring you joy.

  184. Cat Lady, Esq.*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. What a loving tribute to what was clearly an incredible woman. May her memory always be a blessing. ❤️

  185. Sybil Writes*

    Alison,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman who was clearly loved and respected. May you and your family find a modicum of peace as you mourn her loss and celebrate her life.

  188. LuckySophia*

    My sympathies and my thanks to you for sharing this post with us.
    Your writing about your mom paints her as a shining light in this world.
    In your own way, like her you too are a shining light to many grateful constituencies, from cats to the commentariat here, and, I am sure, most especially to those who share your daily life.
    May beautiful memories help you to fill the hole in the Universe that her passing has created.

  189. Jane Gloriana Villanueva*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. I have thought back very frequently to this post since you first made it, and how simply you conveyed such deep care. I strive to be able to write as directly as compassionately as you, and I don’t doubt your mom was a huge influence to your capabilities. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. My deepest condolences to you as you navigate your new world now. May her memory, and the memory of your dad, be for the greatest of blessings.

  191. JanetM*

    I am sorry to hear of your Mother’s passing, and am glad she was able to access MAID. May her memory be a blessing, and may you and all who loved her be comforted.

  192. Stormfeather*

    I am sorry for her loss, but glad for everyone involved that it was on her own terms. I’m hoping for peace and healing for you and the rest of your family.

  195. archangelsgirl*

    I am so sorry for your loss. Holding you all in the light, and I think of your mom during yoga tomorrow.

  197. WorkplaceSurvivor*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing- it was a beautiful read, filled with the love you clearly had for her- sending you care.

  198. Objection*

    Your mom sounds awesome. I laughed out loud at the sympathy card one. Thank you for sharing your memories of her. She sounds a little bit like my mom – not overly demonstrative, but she shows her love with her actions. Condolences to you and everyone who loved her.

  202. Stephanie*

    I am so sorry for your loss, thank you for letting us get to know your Mom. She sounds remarkable and I bet she’ll be friends with my mom who also passed too young from ovarian cancer. May her memory be a blessing. זכרונה לברכה

  203. Becky S*

    Allison, Nothing prepares us for the loss of a parent!
    I laughed out loud about her calling you from a yoga retreat because she needed to talk!

    1. Margaret Cavendish*

      My mom does that too! I took her for a massage one time, and she came out of the room going “Well, that was so interesting! The therapist’s name is Stephanie, and she has two kids in high school just around the corner from where we used to go to the dentist. She told me all about the lymphatic system, and did you know there’s a difference between a Swedish massage and a Thai massage?”

      She did enjoy the massage, but apparently more as an opportunity to get to know the massage therapist than an opportunity to relax her body!

  207. Dances with Code*

    I’m so sorry to hear she was in such pain, but glad she got to make her departure her own. May her memory be a blessing.

    I also think yoga is good for a lot of things, including working on acceptance, but not for actually curing colds and the like. lol

    I have added your mom to my admired heroes list, which includes such people as Ursula K. LeGuin, Laurie Anderson, Pema Chödrön, the mom of one of my college boyfriends who is a total badass, ….

    Thank you for sharing! Yet another way both of you have made lives better.

  212. Lou*

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute. She sounds like an incredible person and much loved. May her memory be a blessing.

  213. LGP*

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alison. Thank you for sharing a bit about your mom here; she sounds like an amazing person.

  215. Aggretsuko*

    I’m sorry to hear this. (Coincidentally, I just found out about my boss losing a family member too.) This was a lovely quirky tribute to her and I loved reading it, she sounds like A Character. I’m glad she was able to die in a peaceful way.

  216. Chayse*

    Thinking of you. I am so glad she is at peace now. I am glad you are taking time for yourself and hope you take as much as you need

  217. Cherie*

    All my sympathy – thank you for sharing about her again – I enjoyed it and wish you and your sister peace in your hearts. Her memory will be a blessing I’m sure. Giant hugs

  218. Massive Dynamic*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. She sounded absolutely fantastic and your words about her are so beautiful. Many thanks to her as well for all of her advocacy for legal Medical Aid in Dying.

  219. A Pocket Lawyer*

    I am so sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing a little of her with us. She sounds like a phenomenal woman who will be missed by many. May her memory be a blessing, and may you find comfort and peace during this time.

  220. Syzygy*

    My deepest condolences. Thank you for writing about her and sharing her story. May her memory be a blessing always

  225. Mouse named Anon*

    I am so sorry Allison. My condolences go out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing some lovely memories about your Mother.

  226. RCB*

    I’ve always felt some strange kindred connection to you and now I understand why; we have the same mom. I laughed so hard reading about your mom because she was equal parts ridiculous and funny, while also being genuinely caring in a way that wasn’t all touchy-feely, and I could never put it into words the way you just did, so thank you for that. I know I don’t have to tell you how you have an entire community of people mourning with you, your mom and journey impacted all of us and we all care about you so much and wish you nothing but peace and comfort during this difficult time. All my best to you and to your family as you remember a truly remarkable person.

  227. Jenergy*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing human being, and it’s not surprising that she raised an amazing human being. Thank you both for sharing her with us, and for taking time for yourself to heal.

  229. Amy A*

    I am not as eloquent as others above, but sending warmest wishes as you mourn this tremendous loss. We’ll be thinking of you and your family until you are ready to return to the column. I hope you’ll take as much time as you need to grieve.

  230. Carole from Accounts*

    Your memories of your Mom were a delight to read, thank you for sharing her with us. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  232. wordswords*

    Her memory for a blessing. I’m so sorry for her loss, even though she was able to die on her own terms; she sounds absolutely amazing.

  235. Marsha*

    Alison, wishing you comfort in your grief. May you always find love and joy in your memories, and may her memory be for a blessing.

  236. Agile Phalanges*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like it was a comfort to all of you that she got to use MAID and that you and your sister got to be with her. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about her from a few years ago. May her memory be a blessing as you move through the hard moments of the next few days, weeks, months, years. Take all the time you need–we’ll be waiting for you when you come back.

  237. LadyScrub*

    Sending so much love Alison – I’ve thought of your mom frequently over the last year and wondered how she was doing. Thank you for trusting us with her.

  239. Snarl Trolley*

    This is a beautiful tribute to her, and my thoughts are with you in this time of mourning and reflection. It sounds like your mom had an active part in nurturing so many parts of you that you’ve gone on to use to touch the lives of countless people through this site – she lives on in everyone you’ve helped gain stability, confidence, life skills, justice, permission to take a break from mental distress, and the list goes on. Thank you for sharing this with us; may her memory be a blessing. <3

  240. Anne S*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. She sounds a lot like my mom (except the yoga), which makes me instantly like her.

    My sympathies to you and your family. May her memory be a blessing.

  241. April*

    What an amazing woman! I feel like I know her as a friend after reading your words. I’ll light a candle for her tonight with deepest gratitude to her and those who love her

  245. I'm great at doing stuff*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my mother as well, and it’s such a destabilizing experience to lose someone who created you. My mother also died (from Alzheimer’s) with her whole family by her side. She didn’t have any awareness at that point, but we think she knew (she passed three hours after my brother flew in from out of state), and it was an incredible experience that we were all there together.

    Your mom sounded so funny and sharp and so brave as well, especially for fighting for her and others. The letter about sex ending at 26 is hilarious! Love that.

    I love how open and present you were with all of us strangers in this journey. It definitely helped me as I faced losing my own mother.

    I hope you and your sister are able to provide solace to one another in this tender time.

  254. Lore*

    Thank you for sharing these beautiful and funny memories, and for sharing your mother’s passion, wisdom, and journey with us even as it was difficult and heartbreaking for you. Deepest condolences on your loss, and it is clear that her memory will be a blessing. Also sending all healing wishes for your husband.

  255. Lifts and pick-ups*

    What a woman she must have been, to inspire that kind of love, and to have been known so well by her daughter. It’s not always easy for moms and kids to really see one another as people, and it’s clear you saw her. I bet she was so proud of that. I’m very sorry for your loss.

  256. beth byrd*

    My sincerest condolences on the passing of your mother. Thank you for telling us about her — she sounds absolutely wonderful! May you and your family find comfort in your memories.

  258. Rara Avis*

    What a beautifully written tribute to your mother. May her memory be a blessing to you.

    My grandfather died of pancreatic cancer. He loved a good joke, and one of his favorites was this: “I’m going to live to be 120 … and one day.”
    We were supposed to ask, “Why one day, Zaida?”
    “You wouldn’t want to go on your birthday!”
    He did, in fact, die on his 94th birthday, with his sister by his side telling him that he didn’t need to wait for his one day.

    I did a Purple Strides fundraising walk in his memory, and was wearing the shirt yesterday.

  260. OtherAlison*

    Alison, I am so very sorry. She sounds like a truly awesome mom and I hate that you lost her so soon, but I am grateful she was able to minimize her suffering. I hope your memories of her will be a comfort. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  261. Jaunty Banana Hat I*

    This is a lovely tribute to your mom, and I’m so sorry that you have lost her. I am glad for her sake and yours that she was able to have some control over the end of her life. Thank you for sharing a small part of her with us.

  262. AnotherLadyGrey*

    Alison, I am so sorry about your mom. I am holding you and your family in my thoughts, and sending peaceful and healing vibes. Thank you for sharing a little bit about your mom’s life with us. I can tell how much love you have for her, and I loved getting to see a glimpse of her in your tribute. May her memory be a blessing.

  263. Manic Pixie HR Girl*

    We lost my MIL to pancreatic cancer in 2016 after her diagnosis just over a year prior. It’s a horrible, sneaky disease.

    I am glad your mother got to leave this earth on her own terms. May her memory be a blessing.

  265. Strive to Excel*

    Memory eternal. So sorry for your loss. She sounds like wonderful, loving, caring, and strong woman.

  267. Serious Pillowfight*

    Oh, Alison, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds wonderful, and I’m glad she was able to do things on her own terms. We’ll all be thinking of you and your family. Sending comfort your way.

  268. Wren_Song*

    She was a powerful force for good in the world, and she taught you to be the same. The world is a little sadder for her loss. May her memory be a blessing and her good works ripple on. I’m so sorry.

  269. Jackalope*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take the time you need; the blog will be here when you get back. Jedi hugs if you want them.

  270. Scamel*

    We should all wish to be known and remembered so clearly and lovingly by those we hold dearest. She sounds like an extraordinary person. May her memory be for a blessing.

  272. Water Everywhere*

    I’m so sorry your mom is gone, I hope the good memories help ease the pain of her loss. She sounds like someone who got the best out of life and I’m glad she got to leave on her own terms.

  273. No Longer Working*

    Oh my. Crying here. My deepest sympathies to you. Thank you for sharing the unique character your mother was with us. What a special lady! Will keep you in my thoughts and hope the huge whole in your heart is filled with memories and moments special to you. Hugging and squeezing cats can help, I know from experience.

  274. Procrastinator*

    Alison, I’m sorry for your loss. It is really inspiring to hear about your mom and your relationship with her. Thank you for sharing this part of you with us.

  275. Jessica*

    Your mom sounds like such a marvelous person and I’m glad the Nieces are old enough to have really known her and have their own memories. I’m so sorry for your family’s loss and hope you find comfort in each other and your memories.

  277. Sit in Syrup*

    I’m so sorry Alison. You write about her with such love and wit.

    I wanted to let you know that your previous post about her prompted me to get more involved in Compassion and Choices, a cause I already supported. We didn’t get Medical Aid in Dying passed in our state this year, but it has strong potential and we will keep trying.

  279. CatLady*

    Alison, I wish I could have met your mom. I love your anecdotes and I hope you know how much she loved you and your sister.
    Grieving is different for everyone but I’d like to think she would tell you to do some yoga ;)

  281. M2RB*

    I am so sorry for your loss at the same time I’m so grateful she was able to go on her own terms and the way she wanted. I hope you and your sister find comfort in shared memories and that you have all the support you need as you grieve.

  282. Gigi*

    To be a role model in death is something very special indeed. This is a beautiful tribute. I know she was very proud of you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  283. Bookgarden*

    I lost my Mom in the past year as well and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. I’m so sorry you are going through this. She sounded like an incredible woman.

  286. Ms.Minn*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t think any of us will ever be ready to lose our parents, no matter our age. Thank you for sharing her with us.
    While none of us have likely ever met you in person, your long-time readers feels like we know you and all wish we could give you a hug right now. Please take all the time you need…we’ll be here waiting for you.

  288. Beckett*

    She sounds wonderful. May her memory be for blessing. Take care of yourself, and make sure you’re eating <3

  289. Ipsissima*

    I’m so sorry your mom is gone, and I’m at the same time relieved that she was able to die on her own terms.

  291. Silver Robin*

    may her memory continue to be a blessing, as it so clearly is, and may you find comfort as you mourn <3

    1. Silver Robin*

      The story about sending your boyfriend a card is incredible, I aspire to be achieve such heights of humor

  294. Project Manager*

    Oh Alison, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom, she sounds like she was a wonderful mother! Thank you for sharing this, I cracked up at the sympathy card, that was pretty genius; you are blessed to have such fond memories with her. <3

  295. Ghostlight*

    Alison, I’m so sorry for your loss but so glad your mom got to go on her terms. This is a beautiful tribute. May her memory be a blessing.

  297. mmm*

    I LOVE reading this about your mom. Thank you for sharing her (and her wisdom, through you) with us. Sending love and prayers.

  298. restingbutchface*

    I am so sorry.

    My mother died last year so welcome to the worst club in the world. This is what I have learned:

    1. You will never be prepared for the force of the love and grief you will feel. It will feel like a physical blow, as if the air has been knocked from your lungs and you can’t get a breath.
    2. The grief will roll over you in waves at the most unexpected moments. Grocery aisles, car washes, airports – I’ve had crying fits in all of them.
    3. It does get easier until one day you almost forget and then feel guilty that you aren’t mourning. That will pass too.
    4. People will be kind, other people will be unintentionally cruel and none of it really matters, because your mother died and everyone should be screaming with the obscene wrongness of the world.
    5. This is the time you’ll learn more about your mom than you ever knew. Ask everyone questions about who she was before she was the centre of your world. I still can’t believe that my conservative, shy mother was a party animal who loved dancing and airforce pilots (and not in that order).

    Sending you all my best wishes, strength and love.

  300. Phoenix Wright*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom was awesome, and the things you wrote about her are beautiful.

  301. bee*

    Thank you for sharing her soul with us through your writing, I’ve been reading for six years and have always appreciated when you talk about her <3 what a gift that her activism was returned to her in this way. Sending peace and healing towards your side of the country

  302. Gahhh*

    I’m sorry for your loss, Alison. Your mom was a gift to our world and may her memory be a blessing. My mom also died from pancreatic cancer but did not have the peaceful ending you describe. Thank you for sharing and very best wishes for peace during this time.

  303. BookWitch*

    Your mom sounds awesome. I hope you take all the time you need. Losing a good mom is one of the hardest things a person can go through. <3

  304. GoodbyeToby*

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am so appreciative to you in sharing your and your mother’s experience during her journey. Thank you.

  305. S*

    I am very sorry to hear this. I was so impressed when I read about your mom’s work on medical aid in dying. Both you and your sister are in my thoughts.

  306. Bog Witch*

    I remember you posting an article about your mom and her fight for death with dignity laws and felt deep admiration for her for doing that. Everyone deserves the privilege of being able to go out on their own terms and as perverse as this feels to say, I am very happy that she got it. I am also happy that you and your sister got to be with her in her final moments.

    I wish you and your family peace and comfort during this time. May you all feel immense love and support during your grief, and may her memory be a blessing.

  307. JustaTech*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing a piece of her life with us. May she be long remembered, and may her memory be a blessing.

  309. Funko Pops Day*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute you wrote, and how wonderful you wrote it while she could appreciate it. May her memory be for a blessing.

  311. Judge Judy and Executioner*

    I’m so sorry about your mom Alison, she sounds like a very special woman. Thank you for sharing her with us over the years.

  312. Jessica*

    May her memory be for a blessing, and may the love of those around you comfort and sustain you until the beauty of her memory eclipses the pain of her loss.

  313. Suzanne*

    Dear Alison,
    I am very sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like she was a remarkable person. I hope you take all the time you need to reflect and take comfort from others.
    I’ve read your column for years and enjoy your sage advice. Please take my advice and give yourself the gift of time away. My heartfelt condolences.

  314. Anon (and on and on)*

    I’m so sorry to hear this. My mother died of cancer 4.5 years ago (expectedly unexpected) and it’s the worst!! She sounds like she was an awesome Mom.

  315. Seeking Second Childhood*

    Sending all my love to you and yours. I’m glad she was able to depart peacefully as she wished.

    May her memory be a blessing.

  316. Margali*

    I’m so sorry. I love the stories you shared about her — she sounds like she was a magnificent person who will be terribly missed.

  317. hodie-hi*

    I know this is a sad time that’s been a long time coming. It’s good that you had a special mom and have memories of her love for you, and that what she worked so hard for during her life was a comfort at the end. You’re in my thoughts.

  319. brjeau*

    Your mom sounds like an amazing woman. I’m glad to hear she was able to go on her own terms, though I’m sure that doesn’t make the loss any easier. Thank you for sharing about her (the 26-year-olds story made me laugh out loud! She was right to be so pleased with herself about that sympathy card)

    I hope you get all the time off you need!

  320. learnedthehardway*

    My sincere sympathies to you and your family. I am so very sorry for your loss and wish you comfort and peace.

  321. EmF*

    I’m so sorry. I know this wasn’t unexpected, and I hope that when enough time passes that there’s room for other things but grief, there’s some comfort for you in all the ways you showed your mother how much you loved her (including the parts you’ve shared here, where your love glowed in every word.)

    I’ll be thinking of you. I hope your manager (you) lets you take all the time you need. We’ll have a good time in your absence reading the back catalogue.

  323. Retirednew*

    Sending you my deepest condolences as well as light and strength. You are your mother’s daughter in how much you care about others . I hope you take in how many of us learned so much from her journey.

  324. East Coast Girl*

    I am so very sorry, Alison. I am glad it happened on her own terms, as she wanted. Be kind and gentle with yourself in the days to come. Big hugs to you and your family.

  326. knxvil*

    That reads as a beautiful tribute even years later. As the older of two introverted daughters of a severely extroverted mother who went through a non-amicable divorce, this got me deep in the feels. Your mother was lovely and I can only offer the most sincere condolences to you.

  327. SarahKay*

    I’m so sorry for your loss Alison. Your mom sounds like an amazing person, and I’m so glad that the work she did in getting people access to Medical Aid in Dying eventually became something she could benefit from herself.

  328. Puggles*

    I’m so sorry, my dear. Know that she was vicariously loved in this group. Thank you for sharing her with us. May she rest in peace.

  331. Pretty as a Princess*

    Thank you for sharing her with us. I both cried for you and chuckled for her reading that. What a fantastic woman, mom, and human.

    We should all live our lives in such a way as to be remembered so well. May her memory be for a blessing.

  335. litprof*

    So sorry for your loss, Alison. Your mom sounds like an amazing person. The world is better for her having been in it.

  336. Amy*

    Thank you for sharing such sweet memories of your mom with us all and giving us the privilege of getting to know her in a small way through that. She seems like an extraordinary person. Take care of yourself.

  338. CommanderBanana*

    May her memory be a blessing. I lost my beloved grandmother last week and keep veering between happy – happy that she passed quickly and peacefully, happy that she’s now reunited with Papa, her husband of 70 years – and sad for myself. It’s a complicated mix of emotions. Thank you for sharing your mom with us.

  339. Danielle K*

    May her memory be a blessing.

    That’s a beautiful tribute – calling you from a silent yoga retreat made me laugh.

    Love from a daily reader.

  340. JukeBox*

    Dear Allison, I send you my deepest sympathies and thank you for sharing not only your Mom with us(me), but also for sharing yourself.

  343. AppleStan*

    Alison, I was so afraid when you said you were off yesterday that your Mom had transitioned.

    My comfort for your loss.

    Thank you for sharing the tidbits about your Mom over the years, about the struggles you all have had, and for the memories you’ve shared with us today.

    Take all the time that you need. There are so many pioneer posts that can be re-run that you never have to worry about us being bored with repeats.

    Just take care of you and yours.

  345. nerak*

    I’m so sorry. I’m glad you and your sister were with her and she was able to go on her own terms, hopefully that will bring you peace and comfort. Keeping you in my thoughts.

  346. Happy Temp*

    Thank you for sharing your memories and your lovely words with us all. The community you’ve built here and the way you show your care by helping people live their best, most fulfilled lives–to demand better for ourselves and for OUR communities–is a testament to what you learned from her. Thank you.

  347. SD95*

    My sincere condolences to you. Thank you for sharing about your mom. I had a chuckle over the sympathy card. She sounds like the most wonderful person to be around.

  348. sforestplant*

    So sorry for the loss of your wonderful mom. Appreciate the detail about medical aid in dying, and I’m glad she had the peaceful death she wanted.

  349. gmg22*

    This was a beautiful tribute, Alison. (I particularly had to smile as I also have fond memories of watching the not-very-age-appropriate “Dallas” with my mom and dad — ahh, ’80s parenting.) Thoughts are with you and your family.

  351. Audrey Puffins*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She always sounded like a most incredible woman, and your love for each other shone through whenever you spoke about her. Thank you for sharing her with us, and may her memory be the greatest blessing for youu.

  354. Always Science-ing*

    If only everyone could be blessed with such a wonderful parent, from all you’ve shared over the years she sounds like an amazing person. I’m glad MAID was there to support her wishes. Sending condolences to you and your family, and all those who were lucky enough to know her. Take care.

  360. Lyn by the River*

    Alison,
    Your mom sounds like an amazing person. May you find many ways to celebrate her life as you find your way through your days. My dad died from pancreatic cancer 7 years ago last month. We didn’t have the best relationship but I got to be with him when he died and it meant a lot to me. I have a quote on my wall that reminds me of him: “Be what you loved most about those who are gone.” It reminds me to play and be silly with my kids, to enjoy my favorite foods, and to be generous to people who need help. Blessings to you and your family as your integrate your grief and your love for your mom into your lives.

  361. skadhu*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Losing a beloved parent is never easy, but I’m glad she was able to go on her own terms.

  362. Aziraphale the Cat*

    I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mother was an amazing human. I’m glad you were able to be with her.

  363. PollyQ*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like a special and loving person, and I’m sure the world will miss her. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  365. BigBird*

    Oh Alison, I am so sorry. I am sure she must have gotten so much pleasure to see your success and the positive influence you have on the many thousands of people who read your work. May her memory be a blessing.

  369. Misslucy21*

    May her memory be a blessing. She sounds like a remarkable person and I am glad she was able to pass on her own terms.

  370. Ghostess*

    My condolences, and a thank you to your mom for her advocacy in helping her fellow human beings. We all deserve the option of death with dignity.

  371. Jeanine*

    I am really sorry for your loss. I’m glad she was able to go in the way she wanted, I am a firm believer in being able to do that!

  376. Plebeian Aristocracy*

    My condolences, and thank goodness she had that choice. It’s amazing the difference it makes for someone to be able to choose the time and place of their passing, and the effect it has on those left behind.

  380. 123456789101112 do do do*

    Much love to you and your family. Your mom sounds amazing and I’m so thankful that you shared this glimpse of her with us. What a blessing that she was able to leave when she chose.

  381. Caramel & Cheddar*

    Adding to the chorus here, but my condolences to you and your family. Your mother sounds like a very charming lady, and I’m glad she was able to do it her way at the end.

  382. Roy Donk*

    I am so, so sorry for your loss, Alison. Thank you for sharing these little bits of your mom’s legacy with us.

  385. Formica Dinette*

    Your piece about your mom is just as sweet, caring and funny today as it was when you first published it. You are truly lucky to have had her as your mother. I wish you and everyone who cares about her peace during this awful time.

  387. Three Flowers*

    Alison, thank you, thank you for these beautiful stories. Comfort to you, and may her memory be a blessing.

  391. Anonymous Penguin*

    I am so sorry for your loss and glad that you got to spend the time with her as you wished. Thank you for sharing your memories of her with us. She sounds like a wonderful person. May her memory be a blessing.

  396. Tammy*

    May her memory be for a blessing and a comfort. She sounds like she lived, and died, on her own terms, and not everyone does that.

  398. PegS*

    I’m so sorry. You’ve written about your mom so lovingly in the past I almost feel I know her. Sending my very best.

  399. ampersand*

    I’m so sorry about your mom–though it is heartening to hear she was able to die using medication, and also your anecdotes about her are awesome. She sounds amazing and very funny!

    Please take your own (excellent) advice and take as much time as you need. There are a lot of strangers out there who care about you and your well being, and we’ll be here when you get back.

  403. Steph*

    Sending love to you and your family. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute of your amazing mother with us.

  404. Scholarly Publisher*

    I’m very sorry for your and your family’s loss, and glad that her passing was peaceful. May her memory be a blessing.

  405. Roguestella*

    Oh Alison. I know you knew it was coming and I’m so glad your mom, who sounds amazing, was able to leave on her terms. My thoughts are with you and your family in your grief.

  408. Ophelia*

    I’m so sorry for you loss, and so glad for you and for your mom that she got to decide when it was her time, on her own terms. It sounds like she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Sending you and your family peace.

  411. AJRoxMyWhiteSox*

    So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the amazing woman your mom has been. My grandfather passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2007, so I know that journey must have been tough for all of you.

  412. Any Given Fergus*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Your mom sounds like a wonderful human who will be deeply missed. What a gift to be able to by her side when she passed.

  413. Putting the Dys in Dysfunction*

    What a loving tribute! She was some mom, to be remembered this way, so sweet and so bittersweet.

  414. JadziaSnax*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Thank you for sharing her with us – she sounds like an extraordinary woman. Will be thinking of you and your family.

  415. Longtime Reader*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a wonderful person – may your memories bring you joy and comfort in this hard time

  416. ICodeForFood*

    Oh Alison, so sorry to hear. May her memory be a blessing… My next donation to Compassion & Choices will be in her memory.

  420. ecnaseener*

    A lot of what you wrote reminds me of my grandmother – making friends wherever she went, unapologetically herself, the kind of person everyone was lucky to know, and also gone too soon from cancer. I’m so sorry she’s gone, but I’m glad it was peaceful and on her own terms. May her memory be a blessing. <3

  424. Melissa Montefel*

    Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your amazing mother. May her memory always be for a blessing, your tribute is lovely.

  425. hypoglycemic rage*

    i am so sorry, alison. keeping you and your family and everyone who knew her in my thoughts. may her memory be a blessing.

    and also, obviously, take as much time as you need.

  426. Medium Sized Manager*

    Her memory will absolutely be a blessing. I hope all of your memories together bring you comfort during this time.

  432. UsuallyaLurker*

    I am so sorry. Please take all the time you need. Seems she raised a lineage of powerful women. Her memory will be a blessing and may many benefit from her advocacy.

  433. Stacy B*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing these beautiful (and interesting!) memories with us. She sounds like she was quite the woman!

  436. ariel*

    Thank you for sharing these memories and anecdotes here – the condolence card one is a banger, she earned her pride in it!! I’m so glad she died on her terms. Holding you, her, and all her loved ones in the light as you navigate a world where she isn’t.

  439. SGK*

    Sending peace and comfort to you and your family. Your mom sounds like an amazing and delightful person! Pancreatic cancer is a horrendous disease (my father-in-law died from it), and I’m very glad your mom was able to leave this world with grace and dignity. May her memory be a blessing for all time.

  441. IHaveKittens*

    Moms and daughters… Thank you for sharing your memories of her with us. I am so sorry for your loss. May her memory ever be a blessing to you and your family.

  442. pally*

    My sincerest condolences, Alison- to you and your family.

    Am glad things worked out the way your mom wanted. That’s a victory.
    No more pain. That’s good.

    Your Mom truly was a remarkable woman. I was especially touched by her kindness towards your pop in taking him to chemo appointments. Clearly, she worked to serve a higher good. No wonder you (and no doubt many others) looked up to her. This is something I shall think about often.

    Thank you for writing about her. The world lost an exceptional woman yesterday who cannot be replaced. Possibly emulated in small ways.

  444. RavCS*

    May her memory be for a blessing.
    May you and your family and all who knew her find comfort from your communities and each other.
    (As a hospice chaplain, I want to thank you for sharing her end of life choice. I hope it gives strength and hope to others who might be struggling with a terminal illness.)

  446. Overworked HR Lady*

    My sincere condolences on the loss of your mom, she sounds amazing. May her memory be a blessing.

  447. HSE Compliance*

    So sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a remarkably awesome woman. May your memories with her bring your family warmth.

  448. Louise*

    What an incredible tribute. Your love was so wonderful to read. May her memory be a blessing to you and all who knew her.

  449. River Song*

    Your mom sounds like the kind of parent I aspire to be. I am so deeply sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you.

  451. Harper*

    I’m so sorry for your loss and so glad your mom felt empowered and dignified in her passing. I’m sure her legacy will live on through the work she has done.

  455. Julia B*

    I’m so sorry for your loss Alison. Your mom was clearly an amazing person who lived a wonderful life. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

  456. Calyx*

    Dear Alison, I am so sorry about your mum. Thank you for posting that memory. While of course I’ll miss seeing new stuff—very much, selfishly—my better self hopes you’ll take off all the time you need. You give so much to others every day. Don’t feel guilty about stepping back for a while.

    When my dad died after 15 months with a rare and aggressive cancer, I was surprised that I felt more peaceful than I expected. We knew it was coming, and much of the daily anguish had had to do with hope—not that he’d get better, but that he’d be okay for a while longer. When he died, the pain of hope and worry was gone. But it was years before I felt normal again. I wish you serenity and the comfort of grief.

    Kathleen

  457. Jo*

    So sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family can draw some comfort from your many special memories of your mum and knowing that she was able to do things in the way she chose. Sending condolences x

  460. AD*

    Alison, sending you much love today. As a longtime reader of this site (11 years and counting!) I share my sincere condolences. Your mom sounds like she was a remarkable person. May her memory be a blessing.

  464. Space Coyote*

    I have nothing clever or useful to say except that my heart aches for you and your family.

    I think I would have liked your mother A Whole Lot.

  466. Contracts Killer*

    She sounds like she was a huge blessing in your life. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad about three years ago. It is so tough, but you do eventually find a place where you can think about them fondly without it being too painfully bittersweet. Sending you huge and happy thoughts, Alison.

  467. Regina Phalange*

    1. I’m so sorry, Alison. She sounds absolutely incredible. May her memory be for a blessing.
    2. The story about the condolence card is absolutely hilarious.
    3. Take as much time as you need. We’re all good with reruns for however long.

  468. Miss Buttons*

    My sincere condolences to you, Alison. So glad she did it on her own terms. What you wrote about her is beautiful, gives a wonderful glimpse into who she was. Peace and comfort to you. Love never dies.

  469. Lindsay*

    Thank you for sharing the stories – it helped me feel less alone in the same situation. Your mom sounds a lot like my mom but you have shared eloquent anecdotes that I could never drum up. We are all here to support you.

  471. Almost Empty Nester*

    Adding my condolences. I lost my mother two years ago and it leaves an unexpected hole in your world when your mom is gone, no matter how old you are nor how much her leaving is expected. You are blessed that she was able to leave this world on her own terms.

  473. Tangentwoman*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, but so glad your mom was able to say goodbye on her own terms. I’ve loved the glimpses of her that you’ve shared with us readers over the years and this tribute is just beautiful. Keeping you in my thoughts as you navigate this difficult time.

  474. hmbalison*

    Alison, I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your beloved mother. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words about your mom. She sounds like she was one of the good ones–imperfect, curious, loving, generous, smart–your mom. I’m heartened to know that she was able to leave the earth on her own terms. It’s never easy to say goodbye to a parent. The missing never ends, but I believe their love remains. Be gentle with yourself as you grieve.

  475. M*

    I am so sorry to hear this news, Alison. You and your family are in my thoughts. Sending love and light your way. I’m happy we all had the chance to learn a bit about your mama. She sounds like an amazing woman. Take all the time you need.

  476. Csethiro Ceredin*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Your mom sounds amazing, both here in what you’ve shared about her before. I hope your memories and your loved ones are a comfort right now.

  477. jackie*

    So very sorry about your mom Alison. I have been wondering how she had been doing lately.

    My father passed away at home from colon cancer, on hospice, with me holding his hand. It was just the 2 of us. It was a gut wrenching 6 weeks of friends and family stopping by to say goodbye until he finally said no more visitors.

    Four years later it still elicits so much emotion in me. Thinking of you, take care of yourself too, and take comfort with kitty love. They know our sadness.

  483. Minne-me*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Your mom’s story has been top of mind for me recently and I’m not sure why, but I so admire her willingness to fight for what she believed in and your willingness to support her and amplify her cause. I think her (and your) actions will have lasting ripples. I’m glad she was able to go on her own terms and that you could be with her. May her memory be a blessing.

  485. Wannabe Elle Woods*

    Hi Alison, I’ve been reading AAM for years (stumbled upon it when I just started out in my career) but have never commented. I’m changing that today to extend my sincerest condolences to you and your family. My thoughts are with you during this time.

  488. Kim Maxwell*

    What a beautiful tribute to your mother, Alison. Thank you for sharing so much about her, and yourself, with all of us. I’m so sorry for your loss; may her memory be a blessing.

  490. megaboo*

    Thank you so much for sharing your mom with us. She sounds like a really kickass mom. I hope there is peace and comfort in the coming days.

  491. Emmie*

    What a great gift you and your sister gave your mom. Is internet stranger is thinking of you, and inspired by your mom. May her memory be a blessing. And may you feel the love from this community you’ve built.

  493. Not Mindy*

    My thoughts are with you and all who love her. She sounds like quite an amazing woman, and I am thankful for her work toward providing access to Medical Aid in Dying. She is a wonderful example and I’m thinking about getting involved in that myself. It’s important.

  494. Laura*

    Sending so much love, Alison. Your affection and love for your mom is palpable, and it’s so wonderful that she’s still deeply impacting folks through you and her platform. Sending tenderness for your grief.

  495. NS_BK*

    I’m so sorry to hear this. My father died of pancreatic cancer almost 6 years ago, and it’s a brutal illness. I’m so glad your mother was able to use some of the autonomy she fought for for others and make her exit on her own terms, as much as anyone can.

    She sounds like an amazing person. May her memory be a blessing.

    1. Khanhie*

      I laughed cried through this post. So sorry for your loss and so glad she was able to do this on her own terms. I’ll be here when you are ready to return ❤️

  497. Kate*

    I am so sorry for your loss, but what a blessing to be able to choose the time and place, and go peacefully surrounded by love.

  501. B*

    My father was able to use MAID at the end of his battle with lymphoma last August, and I am immensely and forever grateful he was able to access the medication, which allowed him to die at home with his loved ones around him.

    My condolences, and may her memory be a blessing.

  502. Honeycocoa*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing such great stories about her – the 26 yr old sympathy card was brilliant. This is such a hard time, please take good care of yourself. (Maybe a little yoga?) please be gentle with yourself. Hugs.

  504. On Fire*

    I’m so sorry for your loss but thankful your family was able to be together for this journey. May you find peace in the memories and lessons you shared.

  505. Name (Required)*

    I am so sorry, Alison. It is so hard to reconcile losing someone you’ve loved your whole life with the small comfort of a peaceful passing. Sending you so much love in such a heartbreaking time.

  506. Purple Cat*

    She sounds like an amazing woman.
    I’m glad she got to go out on her own terms and I hope that option continues to be more accessible for others.

  508. Liz the Snackbrarian*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Thank you for sharing a piece of her with us. She sounds like a truly remarkable person.

  509. Madre del becchino*

    So sorry to hear about your mother. It sounds like the two of you had a great relationship. My condolences to you and your family.

  510. flchen1*

    Alison, I’m so very sorry for you and your family’s loss. What a tremendous person your mom is and what a beautiful legacy she leaves in all of you. May your many wonderful memories bring you comfort and joy.

  512. exoboist*

    Oh dear, I am so sorry, Alison. That was such a lovely tribute and I thank you for sharing this with us. So many internet strangers like and admire you, and we wish you the best.

  515. Subtle Tuba*

    I am so sorry for your loss, but glad your mom could manage the end on her own terms. Your mom was an amazing person — as are you and your nieces (and surely also your sister). I wish you all peace, healing, and wonderful memories.

  516. I Have RBF*

    My condolences Alison. Losing a parent to cancer is not easy. Even when you know it’s coming, it hurts when it finally happens. I’m glad you are taking time off to handle things.

    May her memory be a blessing.

  518. Richard Magahiiz*

    Be good to yourself and to the ones you care about, and let all your memories of your mother be blessings

  520. Blushing Crow*

    I am sorry for your loss. That was a lovely way to remember your mother. I am so happy that she was able to leave the world in the way she wanted. My dad was not and it broke my heart. Our systems often treat our pets more humanely than our humans. That is amazing that she fought for people to have that comfort.

  522. Baunilha*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Your mom sounds amazing. The Portuguese word Saudade means the sad but beautiful feeling we have when we miss someone dearly. May your pain eventually become saudade.

  527. Myrin*

    I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss, Alison. Wishing you, your sister, your nieces, and everyone she held dear all the very best.

  529. Ruby Knitter*

    You have my deepest condolences, your mom sounds awesome. Take as much time as you need, the people that you’ve brought together through this website will be here when you’re ready to come back.

  530. Philosophia*

    “Things she has never pressured me to do: get married, have a wedding, have kids.” That’s a mother who (like mine z”l) loved you for who you were. May her memory be for a blessing.

  531. Dumpster Fire*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. Your love for your mom shows in everything you’ve written about her. May the coming days be gentle for you and your family….

  533. Elizabeth*

    I’m so sorry Alison! What you wrote of your mother is beautiful; she sounds amazing. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

  534. Sled dog mama*

    So very sorry to hear that she has passed but very glad to hear that it was on her terms and without the prolonged suffering that some people are forced to endure.
    It sounds like you are one lucky person to have had her as a mother.

  535. Adultier Adult*

    Thank you for sharing. What a perfect tribute. Sending prayers & care- I hope there are moments of joy and laughter in the midst of the sadness

  536. RedinSC*

    I am so so sorry for your loss. Your memories of her are beautiful, what a treasure to have them.

    Take care of yourself right now, this is hard.

  538. Sommersolveig7*

    This is a beautiful tribute to you mom. Deepest condolences, and glad she got to say goodbye on her own terms

  539. Macca*

    I’m so sorry to hear this. From all you’ve shared about your mom, she sounds like a delightful, funny, amazing person. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

  542. phira*

    May her memory be for a blessing. I am so relieved that she was able to die on her own terms after fighting so hard for that right. Thank you for sharing her with us.

  543. The Other Dawn*

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Even though we may know a loved one’s death is coming, it still hits so hard. I’m so glad your mom was able to have some control over her passing, and you and your sister were able to be there with her. I’m sure it was comforting for all.

  544. Jess*

    Alison, sending you and your family lots of love and sympathy in this difficult time. I loved this look into who your mother was as a person – I feel like I know her, and I can see why you loved her. Take good care of yourself.

  547. Alice in Blunderland*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Your mom sounds like a truly incredible lady, and she raised a truly incredible daughter.

  550. Mthemammal*

    so sorry about your loss, I have followed your mother’s journey from your posts and her embrace of life and the end of life have been deeply affecting and inspirational. thank you for sharing a small part of this remarkable woman’s life with us.

  552. Media Monkey*

    so so sorry Alison. Cancer is the worst and pancreatic is the worst worst (lost both of my parents to it). sending you love.

  554. Caz*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and so glad she was able to access assisted dying.

    That card to your 26 year old boyfriend is the boss move of all boss moves.

  555. KMac*

    My deepest condolences for your loss. Your mom was obviously one of the greats – may her memory be a blessing.

  556. anon415*

    I’ve been an avid reader of your site but have never commented before. Just wanted to let you know how sad I am to hear about your mom’s passing and loved reading about her.

  557. MapleLibrarian*

    I’m very sorry, Alison. My mom did the same back in February (different disease). I am glad for both of our moms that MAID is available. Take all the time you need and remember you have a huge community here to rely on if needed.

  558. Another Millennial Emily*

    So sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds incredible, and thank you for sharing her wisdom!

  561. Pam*

    I am so sorry for your loss Alison – so much love to you, your sister and your family. Thank you for sharing her with all of us. She touched many lives in a myriad of positive ways, and that is a beautiful example of a life well lived.

  562. Quality Girl*

    I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost a parent this year: my dad. It’s been harder than I ever imagined. My thoughts are with you and your family. Please take the time you need to grieve. We’ll be here for you when you’re ready.

  564. Analyst*

    Deepest condolences for your loss, and thank you for giving us this glimpse into her life. From all appearances, a life well-lived and well-loved.

  566. LBK*

    Haven’t commented here in ages but just wanted to stop by to say I’m sorry for your loss and glad she got to see things through on her own terms. Sounds like a fitting (albeit maddeningly premature) finale to a very tenacious life.

  567. KTbrd*

    Alison, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the wonderful stories of your mother! Wishing you strength and peace in this time.

  568. Goldenrod*

    Alison, your mom sounds like one-of-a-kind! What an awesome person! She sounds like an amazing mom too.

    I’m so sorry for your sad news.

  569. Sarah in Boston*

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 4 years ago on Tuesday. I miss him. All my condolences to you, your family, and to anyone else missing a loved one.

  570. Falling Diphthong*

    I am glad your mom got to have some of the good work she put out into the world come back to help her when she needed it.

  571. Mothman's Uber*

    Allison, I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like an incredible person.

    Take as much time off as you need; your wellbeing comes first.

  572. Awesome Sauce*

    I’m very sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mom was such a deeply caring person, and I hope her care for others lives on in those who knew her.

  574. Kwsni*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful, supportive, caring and vivacious person. I hope your memories of her can give you comfort.

  577. Rina*

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like a wonderful person and she was lucky to have you by her side.

  578. Feral Humanist*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I often think about the advice you passed on from your mom about how to handle a diagnosis like hers — how many people self-isolate and don’t talk about how they’re doing or what they need, when in fact it’s better for both them and the people who care about them if they’re more open about it and give their people the opportunity to show up for them. That advice seemed so wise, and I have taken it to heart. Your mom sounds like someone who has been a force for good in many people’s lives, but I wanted to let you know that this Internet stranger counts herself among them.

  579. lou*

    I’m so sorry for this huge loss, Alison, but glad that she was able to go on her own arms. Thank you for sharing this firecracker force of nature with us.
    I hope that you feel the waves of love the AAM community is sending your way, and that the cats are giving you all the snuggles you need.

  580. ThinMint*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds so awesome. I read what you wrote about her when originally published. About 2 months ago, it popped into my head and I sought it out to read it again. What you wrote about her was just so pleasant and calming to think about as I considered my own mothering.

  581. Cards fan*

    Adding my sincere condolences for your tremendous loss. Your tribute does say a lot about who your mother is. It also says a great deal about what an awesome job she did raising her girls to also be wonderful humans.

  582. HugeTractsofLand*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. Thank you for sharing this evocative snapshot of your mom, and I hope you take all the time you need to begin- or to continue- the grieving process.

  585. Nan*

    Condolences on your loss, Alison. Your mom sounds like a pistol and it’s such a good thing that she was able to do what she wanted in her own time and in her own way. May her memory be for a blessing.

  587. Jennifer*

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I loved your writings on her and I definitely got who she was.

  588. Elizabeth the Ginger*

    I am so, so sorry for your loss, and glad for the many wonderful years you had together and that she was able to have control and dignity about her ending. May her memory be a blessing.

  590. shrug*

    beautiful words. as someone who has spent a lot of time worrying about their parent’s mortality, your descriptions of her were so familiar, and the love you have for her comes out so strong and true and free. my sincerest condolences to you and your family.

  591. Tammy 2*

    I’m so so sorry for your loss, but glad your mom was able to handle her transition on her own terms, and that you had such an amazing mom.

  594. Arden Windermere*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for giving us a glimpse into what a wonderful person your mother was. May her memory be a blessing.

  595. Jayne*

    Alison,

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. She sounded like a compassionate and kick-ass woman who guided you to be the same. May happy memories comfort you.

  597. ScarletRose*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, but relieved to hear your mum was able to go on her own terms at least. May her memory be a blessing.

  598. Trrbrd*

    I’m a firm believer that when we lose someone close to us, like a mother, they continue to live on through us and give us unbelievable strength. They’re so connected to us that they become a part of us.

  599. Happy Pineapple*

    May her memory be a comfort and a blessing. She sounds like she lived life on her own terms and with great love.

  601. a trans person*

    I am so grateful for medical aid in dying and that she got to partake of the help she worked for. May her memory be a blessing.

  602. Agent Diane*

    What a lovely collection of observations: you were so lucky to have such a great mum. Huge sympathies.

  604. stinky film defender*

    This was such a truly lovely tribute. Thank you for sharing with us, Alison. Our thoughts are with you.

  605. PhD survivor*

    So sorry for your loss. I also lost a parent to cancer. Your Mom sounds like she was a beautiful person. Thank you for sharing your memories of her with us. I’m glad she was able to have the peaceful passing she wanted. Wishing you peace and comfort in the days to come.

  606. CodaSammy*

    Thank you for sharing her with us. I’m so glad she’s not in pain any more, and so sorry for your loss.

  607. SS*

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your Mom sounds amazing. I actually wept just a tiny bit reading your description of her – 50% out of sympathy and 50% out of jealousy tbh.

  608. anon5775*

    Moms are extremely special and I loved the insight into her personality. I especially loved that she took dietary restrictions into account, because that is love personified to me. I’m sorry you had to go through her cancer with her.

  609. lurker4ever*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute. Take all the time you need! Our thoughts are with you and your family.

  610. MissMegan*

    Alison, I’m sorry to hear of your loss but glad she got to do it on her own terms. And thank you for drawing attention to MAID

  612. Esprit de l'escalier*

    What a terribly sad loss for you and your family, I am so sorry. Your mother sounds like a truly wonderful person and mom. May her memory be for a blessing.

  613. Poppin' in for this*

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful mom. Her wisdom flows through you to all of us.

  614. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I chuckled at some of the things you wrote about her, she sounds like she was quite a character.

  617. Karen*

    I am so very very sorry for your loss. Your Mom sounds like a wonderful person, and I know you’ll miss her.

  618. Nat20*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. She sounds wonderful, and your tribute to her is beautiful — the story about her sending a sympathy card to your boyfriend made me genuinely laugh out loud. Thank you for sharing this; it sounds like the world is better for her having been in it.

  620. Bubbles*

    So incredibly sorry about your mom. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into her personality and for shining a light on the importance of dying with dignity. Peace to your family.

  622. Adriana*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. May her memory be a blessing – and thanks for sharing those memories/blessings with us.

  623. aske*

    My condolences to you and your family. I have always loved reading about your mom, the times that you have shared her with us. May her memory be a blessing.

  624. Libby*

    So sorry for your loss, Allison. Your mom sounds like a wonderful person. The world is better for having had her in it.

  625. Ronit*

    Baruch Dayan Haemet. I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you and your family peace and space for your grief.

  627. Indolent Libertine*

    May her memory be a blessing for you and your sister and all who knew her. Thank you for sharing her with us through your writing. Hugs and sympathy to you.

  628. African Queen*

    I am so sorry for your loss. My mum passed from pancreatic cancer too, fourteen years ago and didn’t have the opportunity to do it her way. I’m glad your mom did.

    May her memory be a blessing

  629. Baby Yoda*

    So so sorry to hear this and for your loss. Hugs and prayers for you and your family. So glad you have good memories.

  631. GravityShoes*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and so grateful that your mother was able to choose her time. May her memory be a blessing.

  632. English Rose*

    So very sorry, glad it was peaceful, she sounds amazing – as you are. Thank you for everything you do, come back when you’re ready.

  634. Kethryvis*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. I lost my dad two years ago to pancreatic cancer and it is the absolute worst.

    I feel like your mom and my mom could have been friends, so many similarities! Aside from cooking, my mom hates cooking. But she sounds like a wonderful person, and while things are dark now… she’s made you so much stronger for who she was and what she instilled in you.

    Take your time to grieve… knowing there’s never enough time.

  636. Stephany*

    You write about her beautifully, as you do everything. She made the world a better place. May your memory of her be your standard and inspiration. May it bring you comfort.

  638. Jaya*

    Alison, I am so sorry. Hoping you take care of yourself and thank you for sharing your mom’s legacy with us.

  639. Desert Anon*

    Thank you for sharing! Our thoughts are with you and your family. I’m so glad you are going to take the time you need–it’s good modeling!

  640. Red5*

    Hi Alison. Thank you so much for sharing your tribute to your mother with us. She sounds like an amazing woman and I’m so glad you got to have an amazing woman for your mother. Wishing you peace and comfort in your grief. I’m so, so sorry.

  642. Rain, Disappointing Australian (formerly Lucien Nova)*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Your writing proves your mother was a glorious woman, and I’m glad she was able to go on her own terms.

    Please take all the time you need. We’ll be thinking of you.

  643. Library Anoshe*

    My deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. I lost my father 3 years ago to the same disease and he also lasted longer than most who get the dreaded diagnosis. I’m so glad that your mother got to select her time, that it was done with dignity, care, and respect. Sending my sympathies to you and all those myriad people who likely found her dear to them.

  645. Slytherin Bookworm*

    Alison, thank you for sharing this deeply personal information with us. Your mother sounds like an amazing woman who raised equally amazing women. May her memory be a blessing.

  647. Nilsson Schmilsson*

    My sincerest condolences. She clearly loved you and your sister unconditionally. You were blessed. And so was she.

  648. Ginger Jabour*

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Alison.

    I lost my mom in February and she shared many things in common with your mom. I wish you peace and comfort. {{{hugs}}}

  649. Meg Danger*

    Your mom sounds like such a cool and complicated person; I wish I could have met her. She’s right about the yoga though…

  650. casssx*

    I’m so sorry to hear this and so grateful for her and your family that she was able to go peacefully and exactly how and when she wanted to.

  652. Respectfully, Pumat Sol*

    She sounds like an incredible woman. Thank you for sharing this glimpse of her with us.
    It’s clear that you loved her very much – every quirk and foible.
    My condolences to your family, may her memory be a blessing.
    Take however long you need – we’ll be here when you’re ready.

  653. Morgaine*

    Alison, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like she was an amazing woman. May her memory be a blessing.

  654. Mairzy Doats*

    Oh Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. I’m so glad your mom was able to leave this world on her terms. Thank you for sharing her with all of us, she sounds amazing.

  655. MJ*

    What a wonderful tribute to your mom; thank you for sharing it (and her) with us. She sounds like a wonderful person.

    My condolences to you, your family and her friends and loved ones who will miss her. She will obviously leave a big hole in your lives. May her memory shine brightly.

  656. Patrick*

    Dear Alison, My sympathies for your loss, and thank you for sharing some of your memories. I especially like this one: “Things she has never pressured me to do: get married, have a wedding, have kids. Things she did pressure me to do: buy property, invest money, return library books.”

    Best to you.

  658. rj*

    Alison, my sincere condolences on the loss of your very cool mom. I can’t express how sad I feel for you any better than those upthread, but I will say that it makes me happy that she had you and you had her in this often sad world. There is never enough time with the people who we love and too much time wasted with the people who make life wretched. May she rest in both power and peace.

  659. SleepyDoc*

    Dear Alison, you and your family have my sympathy for your loss. Thanks for letting us know, and for sharing your mom’s story with us. She must have been very, very proud of you.

  660. Angela Pearson*

    I just came to your page today from a specific search on Linkedin. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s illness and passing. I had a mother who passed away from cancer as well, she also fought for two years, so I empathize with your journey to that point too. I laughed out loud at the highlight of your mother sending a sympathy card to your boyfriend-she sounds like she had a great sense of humor. The list you posted also helped me dial into what more I can do with my daughter to help support her like your mother did for you. I hope all the memories will help sustain you through this part of your journey.

  662. JustKnope*

    Thank you for sharing your mother’s journey with us. I’m so glad she died on her own terms, to the extent possible. Wishing you and your sister comfort and strength.

  663. TheseOldWings*

    I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss, Alison. Thinking of you and your sister. Your mom sounded like a truly wonderful person who made this world a better place.

  668. CrunchyTech*

    I admire your writing in many ways, but this one touched me most in your details as you recognize and delight in all these expressions of love.

  670. WorkInnit*

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Alison. What an incredibly moving post you wrote. It’s very clear that you had a dedicated and wonderful mom and that you love her very much.
    May she rest in peace.

  671. MissBliss*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. I am glad your mom was able to go in a way that let her retain her dignity and agency. You will be in my thoughts.

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Thank you for asking. She requested that donations in her memory be made to CraigsCause (they ran her support group for pancreatic cancer and were incredibly helpful to her), Compassion and Choices, and Life with Cancer.

  676. LuisainDallas*

    What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful woman! I am in awe of how she lived her life and especially how she was able to leave it on her own terms. She leaves a legacy to be proud of.

  678. Emma*

    Alison, I’m sorry about your mom.

    Please take all the time that you need, and whatever you decide to do (or not do) with the site is fine. If you come back, and later take time off again, also fine. It’s ok.

  679. MM*

    Your tribute to your mom made me cry, Alison. She must have felt lucky to know how loved she was and to have a daughter who followed her example in putting good out into the world. It’s very hard when they leave us for the stars, and I’m so sorry you’ll be missing her. Like all your readers, I’m grateful that you shared this.

  681. lemon*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person and I appreciated reading this and learning about her. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  682. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

    So sorry to hear about your mum.
    She was clearly an amazing lady and a great support to you.

  683. AB*

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Alison, but I’m glad your Mum was in control and you could be with her. We’re thinking of you xx

  684. DancinProf*

    I’m so sorry about your mom. It’s clear what a brave and dynamic person she was. Please take care of yourself.

  685. IT But I Can't Fix Your Printer*

    So very sorry for your loss, Alison. I hope I can be even half this awesome a mom to my daughter.

  686. Pipe Organ Guy*

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alison. Your mother sounds like someone with a remarkably deep, good heart.

  687. CM*

    I am so glad she got to live and die on her own terms, and this is a beautiful tribute. In honor of your mother, I’m going to return all my overdue library books today.

  688. Snoozing not schmoozing*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s good that she was able to leave when and how she chose, which gives you a final memory of her strength and determination. Peace to you and your family and all who loved her.

  690. Double A*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. This description of your mom is so vivid and really gives a sense of her as a person and how much she loves you.

  692. Turquoisecow*

    My sincere condolences, this is a lovely tribute to what sounds like a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing her with us.

  693. LBD*

    I am so sorry Alison, but I am glad that you were able to be with her, and that she went the way that she chose. She is the kind of person whose death diminishes all of us, right down to those who will never have a chance to tell their story to a randomly met traveler. The kind of person who makes a good neighbour, co-worker, friend, and, of course, mother.

    “… grief is the work that love must do … it is my honour to cry for you.”

    I thought that it’s too bad that Alison doesn’t have an assistant who could help out when she needs personal time, and then realised that re-runs and the commentariat will continue to educate us on how to thrive in our work environments.

  694. Festively Dressed Earl*

    Your mom was a baller who showed her love in so many amazing ways. I can see where you get some of your badassery from. Min haShamayim Tenuhamu.

  695. QueenFrstine06*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful, funny, sweet person — may her memory be a blessing. And don’t give a second thought to us until you are ready! <3

  697. Anonymous Demi ISFJ*

    May we all be so lucky as to be able to leave this life on our own terms. So sorry for your loss, Alison.

  699. Kendall^2*

    Baruch Dayan haEmet. I’m so sorry to hear about your and your family’s loss of such a wonderful mother (/grandmother). I hope your many good memories console you as you navigate this changed world.

    ::sends a virtual meal of your and her favorite foods::

  700. Daphne Moon*

    This has to be one of the most beautiful tributes to someone that I have ever read. I find it fascinating you are introverted because, from reading AAM, I have always pictured a very extroverted person behind the keyboard. I think your mom’s energy and extroverted disposition comes out in your writing.
    May we all be so fortunate to have someone like your mom in life.

  703. Renee*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. I loved reading your earlier post about your mom. She sounds like an amazing woman. You were lucky to have her.

  706. Dana Lynne*

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for this eloquent portrait of her. May her memory be a blessing.

  707. Suebe*

    So sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like she was an extraordinary human being and how lucky you and your sister and the rest of your family are to have had her in your life.

    May her memory be a blessing.

  708. William Murdoch's Homburg*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. Your mother sounds like a wonderful person and I’m so glad you have those memories.

  709. TRM19144*

    She was clearly a wonderful person and she raised a wonderful daughter.

    My thoughts are with you and your family in this difficult time.

  710. KGP*

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. She clearly raised an incredibly smart, capable, and savvy daughter – may her memory be a blessing.

  712. Wanderland*

    My sincerest condolences to you and your family. That was a beautiful written post about your mom. losing a parent is hard. Please take all the time you need.

  713. Ginger Cat Lady*

    I’m crying for your grief, but also with laughter over that sympathy card she sent your boyfriend. What an amazing mom you have. May you feel loved and supported as you grieve.

  714. COHikerGirl*

    I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like an incredible woman and I’m glad she was able to do it on her terms. May her memory be a blessing.

  718. Alpaca Bag*

    May it not be too long until you can think of her with more smiles than tears. Also, I just returned my library book.

  720. a*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, but I’m glad your mom got to make her own health decisions. I wish yoga could have cured her. She sounds like she was amazing and the light in the world will be dimmer without her. May her memory sustain you.

  721. lurkyloo*

    Thank you for sharing glimpses of your mom with us. She obviously inspired you in many ways and will live on through you and your family. Take good care of yourself. We’ll always be here for you…this random bunch of internet strangers who have come to love you.

  725. Kathy the Librarian*

    My condolences on the loss of your mother. She sounded amazing. Thank goodness she went as she pleased and didn’t linger in pain.

  726. Missmelis*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. Thanks for sharing with all of us how wonderful your Mom was. <3

  728. Sarah*

    Oh, I am so sorry. I know the pain of this. My heart goes out to you.
    All the love there is to you and all your family.

  729. The Prettiest Curse*

    I’m very sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like an incredible person. Her love will always be with you and your family.

  731. Trixie Belden was my hero*

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    She left a beautiful legacy for her daughters and granddaughters.
    Take care of yourself.

  734. Greengirl*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing about her. She sounds like she was an incredible woman. May her memory be a blessing.

  735. Claire*

    Deepest condolences Alison. Thank you so much for sharing these memories of your Mum. Mine is in the last phase on pancreatic cancer too, I’m about to fly home and I don’t expect to be back until she’s gone. It’s such a crappy disease. Much love.

  736. Tara Y*

    Alison, my condolences to you and your family. That post gives a vivid picture of your mother and I feel her energy jumping off the page.

    May her memory be a blessing.

  738. Snoopy Clifton*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I appreciate you taking the time to publicly share your personal grief with us, your devoted readers. And, thanks for sharing your mom with us over the years. This is a huge loss and I hope you and your family are taking the time you need to care for yourselves and for each other. Take care.

  739. KitKat*

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your mom’s journey with us readers. May her memory be a blessing.

  741. Barney Stinson*

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Your love and affection for her, and hers for you, shines through in this post.

  744. Jessica*

    Alison – I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom a few months ago. She had also been very sick for a long time. I’m dealing with the heartache one day at a time and trying to find joy and comfort in memories. I wish you peace during this painful time. I hope the new year brings health and happiness to you and your family.

  747. Boof*

    Aww geeze. I’m glad you are taking some time off and please take as much as you want/need. And thank you for sharing parts of your mom’s story.

  748. reputationcoded*

    Sending you light and love. Thank you for sharing those behind the scenes bits of your relationship, they made me smile. <3

  749. Office Manager*

    What an extraordinary woman. You used an example of her talking about bad customer service experiences as a way of bonding to help me with advice about a bookkeeper when I was on your podcast. It helped in not just that relationship– but many others. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  753. Anne Boleyn's Necklace*

    I am so sorry for your great loss, and so glad your mom got to go how she wished. Sending virtual hugs and comfort to you and your family. Beautiful mom day tribute btw <3

  755. LemonDrops*

    I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. she sounds like a lovely spitfire. i’m so glad you were able to be with her as she wanted. may you be together again in what’s next.

    and I agree yoga is not a cure-all

  756. KayDeeAye*

    Aw, so sorry! I lost my mom earlier this year, too. It’s pretty different circumstances (for one thing, my mother was 90, so…), but it’s so hard. I’ll be thinking about you.

  760. Rusty*

    This is so beautiful. She sounds like a wonderful, fun, strong, loving woman – & it’s clear how much she was loved.Sending love to you & your family x

    “ And did you get what
    you wanted from this life, even so?
    I did.
    And what did you want?
    To call myself beloved, to feel myself
    beloved on the earth.”
    ~ Raymond Carver

  761. Harper the Other One*

    Sending you and your family so much love today. I’m glad your mother’s passing could be peaceful

  762. Meredith*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounded like an incredible person and mother. May her memory be a blessing. Wishing peace and healing to you and your family.

  763. mbs001*

    She sounds absolutely unique and wonderful. I’m so sorry for your loss but so glad she was able to go on her own terms. May we all be allowed to do so.

  764. costume teapot*

    I’m terribly sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing person and someone I would have enjoyed chatting with. May her memory be a blessing for all your days, and may you find parts of her in the world in unexpected ways.

  765. Elle Woods*

    Thank you for sharing these beautiful memories of your mother with us, Alison. Your writing evoked both tears of laughter about her antics (a sympathy card for your boyfriend!) and tears of sadness for your loss. Peace and love to you and your family in the days, weeks, and months ahead. May her memory be a blessing.

  766. Roman holiday*

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like an incredible person. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and your grief. Thank you for all the amazing advice and wisdom you pass on here, it’s easy to see where you got some of it.

  771. Texan In Exile*

    I am so very sorry for your loss. What a funny, remarkable, kind, delightful person your mother was.

  772. House On The Rock*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. My mom and I also bonded over Friday Night Dallas (and Falcon Crest!) when I was likely too young to be watching. Sending lots of good thoughts to you and your family.

  776. Sick of Workplace Bullshit (she/her)*

    My deepest sympathies to you. Your mom sounds like a great lady. I’m so glad she got to die on her own terms. Jedi hugs to you if you want them.

  778. Sharpie*

    I am so so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person.

    Grief, as I have found over the past year, is a strange thing. Take the time to grieve in your own way, and don’t feel guilty for laughing and being happy. Cry when you need to, and look after yourself.

  779. OhGee*

    I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. May her memory be a blessing, and thank you for sharing parts of her with us. My best friend lost her dad to cancer on Tuesday, and I can only be grateful she was able to say goodbye and glad I could give her a quiet place to stay (she lives across the country now). I’m glad your mom was able to make a choice for herself, and so appreciative that she worked to make that a choice for others, too.

  782. Clarke*

    Allison, I am truly so sorry for your loss but grateful for you sharing your mom and her journey with us. May her memory be a blessing.

  783. AmusingSoprano*

    I’m so sorry you have lost your mother but thankful for her and you that she was able to go on her own terms. Thank you for sharing those lovely memories with us.

  789. LG*

    Oh, Alison. I am so sorry for your loss. You paint such a vivid picture of your wonderful, unique mom. (The sympathy card for your 26-year-old boyfriend!) My thoughts are with you and your sister, and everyone who loved your mom. May her memory be a blessing.

  791. Gila Monster*

    I have been thinking of both of you since you first posted about your mother’s illness, and I’m sure you’ve had a difficult road to this point. May her memory be a blessing.

  792. DEJ*

    I have already decided that if I have a terminal illness, I am absolutely moving to a state that has legalized death with dignity. Thank you for talking about it. I wish your family peace.

  795. Jellyfish Catcher*

    Dear Alison – I am very sorry for your loss – it’s a milestone in life, especially the second parent. Take whatever time you need – we’ll still be here.
    I can see the influence of your mom: speaking up for what is right, kindness, a funny, mildly snarky sense of humor. ( I confess, I laughed out loud about the note to your 26 yo boyfriend.)
    Take care.

  796. AGD*

    Baruch dayan ha-emet. Wishing you and your family comfort at this very hard time. Please take all the time you need; we’ll be thinking of you in the meantime.

  797. I'm the Phoebe in Any Group*

    Alison, I am so sorry you lost your mom. I’m grateful she got to leave this world on her own terms. It seems that was the way she lived her life, a legacy she passes on to you. Big hugs to you. I hope you are surrounded by people who love you.

  799. Library Girl*

    I’ll be thinking of you and your family today, Alison. These are really beautiful stories about your mother. May her memory be a blessing, and may all who loved your mom find peace.

  800. Leave Hummus Alone*

    My deepest condolences and love to you and your family, Alison. What a beautiful tribute to an incredible woman. Thank you for sharing your love for her with us.

  802. Still*

    Oh, Alison. She always sounds wonderful whenever you mention her. How beautiful that she got to make a choice that she fought for others to be able to make.

  804. Not That Jane*

    Alison, I’m so sorry about your mom. She sounds like such a wonderful person. May her memory be a blessing for you and everyone who knew her.

  805. STLBlues*

    The love you have for your mom jumps off the page. She sounds like a wonderful person, and I’m sorry that you’ve lost her.

    It’s lovely she was able to make her own choice about her passing, and I hope that provides some small comfort to you.

  810. Sing-lo*

    Oh Alison I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your mom with us. She sounds like the most amazing person and a wonderful mom. Thinking of you and your family.

  811. BellaStella*

    My deepest sympathies Alison to you and your family. Your mom was amazing. Thank you for sharing her with us all these years.

  812. ScrappyNicole*

    Sending my very deepest sympathies. Your mom sounds fantastic and we are so thankful that she helped you become who you are.

  813. Not Nancy*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. May your mother’s memory be a blessing and may you be comforted by your memories.

  814. Modernhypatia*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, but thank you so much for sharing so much of her over the years (and I’m sure more in the future.)

  815. Hroethvitnir*

    Shelo ted’u od tza’ar.

    Lots of love for you and your family: thank you for sharing her with us. She should have stayed proud of the condolence card to your boyfriend; that’s hilarious.

  817. Lorraine*

    Sending condolences to you and your family. Thank you and your mother for being so open about her life and illness here.

  818. Alas rainy again*

    Some parents are the pillar of one’s existence. Your mother was one. Your description, while witty, is very kind. Serenity and peace in the coming days, weeks, months

  819. Kendra in PDX*

    Oh Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing her with all of us; clearly she was a remarkable human and an incredible mom. May your heart stretch to hold all your grief and may you always feel her love in your heart.

  822. Lolli*

    Thank you for sharing that beautiful post about your Mother. I think I must have missed it when it ran before. You and your family are in my hearts. My Aunt passed away from Pancreatic Cancer at the beginning of Covid and I remember she was in a lot of pain. I am glad your Mother was able control her destiny and I thank her for championing that for all of us.

  823. Princess Scrivener*

    Your mom was an amazing woman; thanks for always giving us peeks into your relationship. My family’s condolences to yours, Alison.

  825. Red Sky*

    You’re mom was a truly an exceptional person and I think we’re all better off for having caught little glimpses of her here and there through your writings, thank you for sharing her with us and I’m so sorry for your loss

  827. Katy*

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like an amazing person and I’m glad she was able to handle this on her own terms. I wish you peace and healing in the coming months.

  828. Prudence Snooter*

    I’m so sorry Alison. I loved reading those wonderful stories about your mom, who was clearly a great person. Sending so much love

  835. Hazel*

    What an incredibly moving tribute to an exceptional woman, from the lovely person she raised. Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry for your loss.

  836. Nonprofit Lifer*

    I’m so very sorry. My mother died just nearly a year ago and it’s a transition unlike any other I’ve experienced. Sending you blessings of comfort and strength.

  837. Patty*

    So very sorry for your loss Alison, thank you for sharing a little bit of her here with all of us. She sounds extraordinary.

  838. Lynn*

    I’m so sorry for your loss– and thank you for sharing what you wrote about your mother. I so enjoyed reading it and laughed out loud a few times. She sounds like such an interesting woman and a gift to have in your family’s lives (and the world).

  839. Science of Working*

    She sounds like she was an amazing person. I laughed out loud at the anecdotes about calling from the silent retreat and sending the sex sympathy card to your husband. The assisted death option is so important and part of a rich life. You are a testament to her love. Hang in there – grief is tricky!

  842. G. Desmond*

    Thank you for sharing this. I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like she was a remarkable woman. Please accept my condolences.

  844. Czech Mate*

    Thank you for being willing to share, Alison! Our thoughts are with you and your family at this time! Please take all the time you need.

  845. Stefanie*

    I am so sorry you have to experience this and am appreciative of you sharing. She sounded so lovely. Someone once told me, “ I hope you have lots of good memories”, which I thought was so nice to hear. So, I hope you have lots of positive memories. One day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time

  846. Eowyn*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your Mother’s Day tribute; she sounds like a wonderful, amazing blessing in your life. (I genuinely guffawed at the condolence card to the boyfriend story.) May your time with family be a comfort.

  847. NoBananaPants*

    Alison, I am somewhat a new reader to this site, but I just wanted to express my condolences to you and your family. Your mom sounded like an awesome woman. Prayers for you and we’ll see you when you return.

  850. RB*

    I’m so very sorry to hear this. She sounded like a wonderful and unique person. I’m wishing you comforting thoughts during this difficult time.

  851. A longtime reader*

    I’m truly sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like the kind of person I would love to be friends with. If my children could say half of these amazing things about me, I would consider that a life well lived.

  852. Kara*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Allison. I lost my own mom 25 years ago this year. It’s hard, especially when the mom you’ve lost is as wonderful as you describe her to be. (My mom was equally wonderful in different ways.) I know right now these are just words, but it does get a little easier as time goes on.
    May her memory be a blessing to you and all who knew her.

  854. Former Gremlin Herder*

    My thoughts are with you and your family this week-it’s never easy to lose a beloved parent, even when their passing was peaceful. Thank you for sharing a little bit about your mom with us; she sounds incredible and reminds me a lot of my mom. I hope you take all the time you need to spend with family and take care of yourself. May her memory be a blessing.

  855. Susannah*

    Oh, Alison, I’m so sorry.
    What a beautiful tribute to your mom. And I admire you for letting her go the way she wanted. Thats’ so difficult.
    I’m thinking of you and so sorry for your loss.

  856. TooMuchOfAManager*

    Thank you for sharing your mom’s story with us. She sounds like she made amazing contributions to the world through her words and actions, and through her girls. May her memory continue to be for a blessing to all who remember her.

  857. Wanda Moosejaw*

    You mom sounds like she was an absolute hoot — I’m glad you have so many great memories, but am so sorry for you loss.

  860. H.C.*

    So sorry for your loss & sending condolences to you and her loved ones. Thanks for (re)sharing these cherished memories and moments!

  861. Kate, short for Bob*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss, and so glad for you all that she was able to access the care she needed at the end. And the story about hitting 26 – that’s one to tell the grandkids. You have so many memories, I hope they’ll be a comfort to you soon.

  862. Tonia*

    Allison, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounded like an amazing, beautiful woman. May she always be in your heart.

  863. Shelly*

    Thinking about you and your family. Thank you for sharing your mom with us through your words – she sounds like she was amazing.

  864. Cardboard Marmalade*

    I’m really sorry. I know it wasn’t a surprise, but I think it’s impossible to ever be truly prepared, and I hope you’re able to take as much time as you need. Thank you for sharing your memories of her, she sounds like she was a really special lady, and I’m glad you had her in your life.

  865. Colleen*

    I am very sorry for your loss. It is my hope that you find comfort and peace in the face of this terrible loss.

  866. Ms. Rogerina Meddows*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. Your mom sounds like she was quite the firecracker, and the fact that she fought for others’ right to die on their own terms while she was so gravely ill herself is a testament to her character. I’m glad she was able to go on her own terms with you and your sister by her side. Sending you and your family comfort and love during this time.

  870. Fuck Cancer*

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute to your mother. She sounds like an incredible woman. Sending you and her loved ones good energy at this time <3

  872. Antonio Gallego*

    Hello Alison, I’m sorry for your loss. Your mother was incredible, and I appreciate your heartfelt words. I’ve been following your column for years, and I cherish what you wrote about your father in 2016 (“Some Things About My Dad”). From time to time I revisit it, and as a father myself, I hope to be remembered like you remember your parents. Sending love from Spain.

  873. Numbat*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. May her memory be a blessing. Your anecdotes about your Mum certainly gave me food for thought, she sounds like a wonderful woman. Big big love from Australia x

  874. Ann*

    I’m so sorry for your loss! The Dead Moms Club is my least favorite group to be a member of, even though the other members are really nice.

    May your mom’s memory be a blessing.

  877. Heffalump*

    When I saw the “coworker is obsessed with us being happy all the time” post, I thought, “I hope Alison doesn’t feel she has to be generating content for us right now.” And then I saw that it was a rerun.

  880. Cat Woman*

    It’s these types of memories that let those we love live on in us. I’m sure that she will be dearly missed.

  881. Eastportgrrl*

    Thank you for letting us get to know your mom.
    My father died of pancreatic cancer and it was terrible.

  882. Sarah*

    I want to send my condolences as well. I remember that piece you published about your mom, and you’ve captured her in such an amazing way.

  884. Jenny Next*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. What an amazing woman, and she raised an amazing daughter. May her memory always lift you up, and may your grief be gentle.

  885. Anon Y. Mouse*

    So sorry for your loss Alison. I’m glad she had access to the options she needed when the time came.

    and the sympathy card anecdote made me choke on my beverage!

  887. Erin*

    Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this, Allison. You have my heartfelt sympathies and I’ll be thinking of you and your family in this difficult time. May her memory be a blessing.

  888. Dee Cap*

    I’m so glad your mom got to have the ending exactly as she wanted. She sounds like an incredibly special woman. May her memory be a blessing and live on in you and your sister.

  892. DJ*

    My huge condolences Alison. From your tribute she sounded a wonderful woman with a great sense of humour. No doubt she’s trying to send the message to go and do yoga!

  893. CatMintCat*

    I am so sorry, Alison. Your tribute is beautiful, and she sound like a wonderful woman. May her memory be a blessing.

  894. jeevesita*

    I’m so sorry, Alison!! Thank you for introducing us to your mom through these stories, and also for sharing her advocacy work. I will be thinking of you!

  895. Becca*

    I laughed so loud and so long at the story of your mom sending your boyfriend the sympathy card. What a privilege to know that anecdote about someone you clearly loved and knew so deeply. That’s a story I will remember for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry about your mom.

  898. Zircon*

    Lots of hugs (or whatever works for you) and your family. It’s so hard losing your mother – especially when it sounds as if you had an excellent relationship. Take care of yourself.

  899. Tulip*

    I’m sending love out into the world in your mother’s honor. Thank you for sharing a bit of her journey.

  901. Beany*

    I’m very sorry for your loss, but happy that she had control over how she left. And she sounds like a wonderful mother.

  903. Valerie Heath-Harrison*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman. I hope you can find peace in your memories of her. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  905. Kathenus*

    Alison – my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mom. I lost my dad and another family member in two months last year and I know how life-altering it can be. Your tribute to her is touching, funny, and allows someone like me who never met her to almost feel like we were actually close friends. Best to you and your family in this difficult time.

  906. jordan*

    this was so lovely to read, and makes me feel like i knew her a bit. thank you for taking the time to share in this moment. her great advice giving certainly lives on in you! may you and your family take care of each other during this time, and may her memory be a blessing <3

  907. Might Be Spam*

    I’m so sorry about your mother, she sounds like a wonderful person. Your description of her is so vivid.

  908. Delightful Daisy*

    Alison,
    Thank you for sharing your mom with us. May your memories bring you a measure of comfort today, tomorrow and in upcoming days when you will need it seemingly out of the blue.

  910. Pterodactyls are under-cited in the psychological literature*

    Your mother sounds amazing. I’m so glad she got the care she needed at the end. Much love to you; may you have many years of happy memories of her.

  911. Brisvegan*

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Your mother sounded like a good mother and profoundly decent decent person.

    Condolences to you and your family.

    Please take care of yourself at this difficult time.

  913. Nicosloanica*

    I’m so sorry Alison. It’s so weird I just saw a this on the evening news (CBS – WUSA9). You did a great job speaking for you mom.

  914. Betsy S*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. May her memory be a blessing. She sounds like a wonderful person and a great mom. Glad that she was able to make her own choices at the end. I hope that someday this cause she championed will give everyone that right.

  915. JF Garcia*

    Alison,
    my deepest sympathies about your Mom – she sounds like an amazing person – strong, smart and savvy
    I hope you and your sister and the rest of your family are surrounded by love and will share many happy memories now and in the years to come

  916. Sam*

    My heart goes out to you today. I’m glad you were able to be with her and I hope the memories bring comfort to you. *hugs*

    1. Drammar*

      When we lose our Moms, if we are lucky we lose an anchor. I’m sorry you lost yours, and hope that you allow yourself (and others) grace in the grief, and find joy in the memories.

  918. anon24*

    The story about your boyfriend sent me.

    I wish I could have tasted your mother’s cooking.

    I’m sorry she’s no longer with us. We need all the good people we can get in this world. I’ve been thinking about you since I saw your comment the other day that she was on hospice. Wishing you as much peace as you can find.

  919. Working Grandma*

    When we lose our Moms, if we are lucky we lose an anchor. I’m sorry you lost yours, and hope that you allow yourself (and others) grace in the grief, and find joy in the memories.

  921. Jamie*

    She must have been so proud of you. I’m so sorry.

    I lost my mom earlier this year. It was weird and hard returning to work. Like I should care about [work thing] because…? And I know others must be working while grieving at my company, but it seems like something that no one talks about.

    Thanks for sharing and for all that you do for others.

  922. Green Mug*

    I am so sorry for your loss. The post about your mom was touching. She sounds like an incredible woman. How lucky you are to call her mom.

  924. Vroom*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and so glad to know that your mother was able to have the death of her choosing, with her loved ones by her side. Thank you for sharing your mother with us. May her memory be a blessing.

    Please take all the time you need, whenever you need it; the community you’ve created through this site will continue to be here, and I know many of us wish there was more we could do to help in this difficult time.

  926. Nicole*

    This is absolutely beautiful. What an amazing woman your mom was, and inspirational. Sending you and your family much love and hugs for your grieving hearts. Love you my friend.

  928. Twister Knickers*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your beautiful and extraordinary mom with us. May her memory be a blessing.

  930. Brevity*

    This will literally be about the 1000th time you’ll read this, but no less heartfelt: I’m so sorry for your loss. She was clearly a great woman.

  931. eviec_ms*

    I am so sorry for your loss Alison! Mothers are such touchstones for how we live our lives. She sounds like a wonderful person and I hope her memory will bring you joy.

  935. harmonybat*

    Alison, I’m so sorry. I’m glad your mom was able to go with grace, and I know that can be a comfort, but it doesn’t change the hole in your life a loved one leaves. My thoughts are with you.

  936. Gh0st*

    I’m sorry about your mom, though I’m glad to hear she could find peace and do things on her own terms. Thank you for sharing her memory- she was clearly an incredible person!

  937. tab*

    A painful loss for your family. I hope the love and support of your family and friends brings you some comfort.

  940. Square Root of Minus One*

    I am very sorry for your loss, but I am glad she didn’t endure unnecessary pain. And you wrote such a beautiful eulogy.

  942. Possum's mom*

    Your description of her is so touching and hilarious at the same time, it makes me wish I knew her personally so I could call her my bestie.Peace to you and your sister, Alison.

  943. OxfordBlue*

    Alison, I’m so sorry to hear of your mother’s death. Thankyou for sharing your memories of her with us. Deepest sympathies to you and your family.

  944. K Smith*

    I’m so sorry for your loss Alison. It seems like many of your mom’s wonderful qualities were passed on to you – a superhero to those in need, speaking up against wrongs in the world, the ability to give profoundly practical advice, and “nearly always right”. And the condolence card to your boyfriend at 26 made me laugh out loud. She sounds like a truly wonderful woman – may she live on in your heart and the hearts of those who knew her.

  945. Summer*

    My deepest condolences to you and your family. Your beautifully written essay brought tears to my eyes and I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like she was a remarkable woman.

  946. Maotseduck*

    Internet hugs!

    Both my parents are in ill health and I’m dreading saying goodbye.

    You’re in my thoughts, I’m glad you can take time off to process.

  950. It's Me*

    Because I know you see all of these eventually: I am so sorry about your mom but so glad she got to go the way she wanted, with full agency, and in a way that allowed you all to say your goodbyes in a way that was comforting and beautiful for you. Cancer still sucks, absolutely and irrevocably. I hope you absolutely drown in cat snuggles and find exactly what you need in this season.

  952. pagooey*

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alison. Thank you for sharing so much of your mom’s story with us. I am holding you and your family in my heart.

  953. nonprofit llama groomer*

    Alison,
    This is a beautiful tribute to your mom.

    I also watched Dallas with my mom and later LA Law. My little brother grew up addicted to one of her soaps before he started first grade (kindergarten was half day where we lived back then).

    I’m so glad she got to leave this world when she wanted to.

  955. double spicy*

    Alison, I’m so sorry for your loss. I was hoping that your time off this week was for other reasons. Thank you for sharing stories about your mom with all of us–it sounds like she was an incredible person.

  960. so sorry*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know her memory will be a blessing. And it’s already a blessing to me. Sending a condolence card to your boyfriend when he was 26 is just the most fabulous thing. I’ll laugh about that till the end of my days. I know all those around you can see her influence in the wonderful woman you have become. Your kindness, desire to be of service, and the love you give to the world are ample tributes to your mom. I’m so sorry. She was far too young, not that there is ever a good time to lose someone beloved. May you be surrounded by comfort at this difficult time.

  961. Drive-by hugger*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. Hope you will accept a virtual hug from this internet stranger.

  962. Nightengale*

    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you take all the time you need to just be. My her memory be for a blessing.

  963. Banana Pyjamas*

    Your Mom sounds like a true spitfire, and an absolute joy to know. May your memories of her bring you comfort.

  966. NZReb*

    Alison, I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person and your love for her came through strongly over the years.

  969. Erinwithans*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing woman; thank you so much for telling us about her.

  971. Mx*

    My condolences, Alison. Your mother sounds wonderful. I’m grateful for the work she did and what you chose to share about her with us. Please take as much time off as you need.

    May your mother’s memory be a blessing.

  975. the cat's pajamas*

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Your mom sounds wonderful. Someday, but not now, I’d be curious to know what she thinks about the way you ended up making a career out of giving advice. <3
    Sending internet hugs if you want them. I hope your cats are being comforting and snuggly and not giving you too much trouble this week.

    1. Kelly*

      OK, so emoji’s aren’t appreciated by the comment box. I can only offer hugs, as I know from similar experience this year that not much can help in the aftermath of the death of a parent, but knowing there were extra hugs out there in the world did help.

  980. Eva*

    My condolences. What a wonderful, fun, funny tribute to her. I’m glad she was able to die on her own terms.

  981. Elisende*

    Very long time lurker here, coming out of the shadows to offer my deepest condolences on your loss. The depth of the grief is a measure of the love and damn does it hurt. Be well.

  983. Searching*

    My condolences, Alison. It’s so hard to lose your mom. She sounded like a very special and wonderful person. Hugs to you as you and your family process your loss.

  987. Megs*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds amazing and I’m glad she was able to go out in her own terms, which I hope brings you even a part of the peace it brought her. May her memory be a blessing.

  988. Lizard the Second*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your lovely tribute to your mom made it clear what a wonderful person she was.

  989. KayDee*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, your mom sounds like she was an amazing person. I lost my mom in 2007 at age 67, way too young. I was her caregiver for the last two months of her life, and was with her when she passed. I miss her every day, but the pain does get better. My heart is with you

  996. Longtime reader, first-time commenter*

    Alison, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this beautiful account of your mom’s life, and about her advocacy for others. She sounds like a remarkable person. Thinking of you during this difficult time.

  998. Lilac*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounded like a wonderful mum. For me the part that I connected with the most was being unflappable about dietary needs. I know that it meant the world to me when I was diagnosed with coeliac disease when I was 15 in a small town with very little options available and both my parents learnt to cook meals that were safe for me AND made them for the whole family so I didn’t feel isolated.

  1000. Marianne Soucy*

    So deeply sorry for your loss. Your wonderful tribute to your mother made your readers feel like we met her, and knew her. And liked her.

  1001. sgl*

    oh, I am so truly sorry to hear this news…I have never commented before, but I love your work, and can see that your mom’s incredible spirit lives on in you. May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion, and may her memory always be a blessing…

  1002. Carol*

    Being blessed with such a wonderful mother like yours is a very special gift which makes her passing so much harder. Keep her love and memories close as you navigate the new normal. A mother’s love remains with you always.

  1003. Alex*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, but glad you had more time than you’d thought, and when the time did come, it was peaceful. She sounds like a wonderful person. Thousands of us out here in reader land are thinking of you and your family.

  1004. Donkey Hotey*

    My heart goes out to you and your family. She sounds like an amazing woman. I know it’s common to say “May her memory be a blessing” but more than that, I hope those stories bring you comfort, now and always.

  1005. Sarah*

    Take the time you need to breathe, we’ll be here when you return. May happy memories ease the pain of your grief.

  1006. misquoted*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss, and so grateful that your mother had choices. Eff cancer, and especially eff pancreatic cancer — I lost my partner to it seven years and one day ago.

    May your mother’s memory be for a blessing. Peace to you and yours.

  1007. Sharon*

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m so sorry for your loss. May her memory be a blessing for you and your family.

  1012. Tiny clay insects*

    I’m so sorry. I’m so glad, though, that she was able to die on her own terms.

    The way you write about her, so vividly and with such love, is incredible. You are both clearly such amazing women.

    You and your family are in my thoughts.

  1014. TheOtherKaye*

    Sending you deepest sympathy from the other side of the world..the loss of a mother is a profound thing, no matter when it happens.
    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute to your mother, she was so very obviously an amazing and strong woman. To be able to go out on her own terms is a blessing in itself, and I hope you find some comfort from this in the weeks and months to come.
    It’s said that our dead are never truly gone while we remember them and I’m sure that you, your sister and your nieces will keep the memories of her close and strong, and she will live on in all of you.

  1015. KC*

    Waiting 14 years to troll you back for calling 26 year olds too gross for sex is sublime– she sounds like she was quite the character!

    I’m so sorry to hear this, but I’m glad she was able to go when she was ready. I hope you are able to honor her memory and take the time you need.

  1016. CC*

    Your description of your mom brought me lots of smiles and tears.
    Thank you for your sharing, and I’m deeply sorry for your loss.

  1017. Sheri Bouchie*

    So sorry for your loss, Alison. What a wonderful tribute; you can feel the love and warmth jump off the page. Thinking of you and your family….

  1020. Hey Now*

    My deepest condolences for your loss. Your tribute to her is lovely, and as someone facing an incurable cancer, I have such admiration and gratitude for people like her who have been advocates for death without suffering. May her memory be a blessing.

  1021. Jill*

    Alison, I send you my deepest sympathies for the loss of your mother.
    May her memory be a blessing. She clearly had a lot of energy and helped many people.
    I guess your blog follows in those footsteps!

    She was very lucky to have you and your sister at her deathbed.
    I wish you many happy years in her memory.

  1022. allathian*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom is a lucky woman to be so lovingly remembered. May her memory bring you comfort and solace.

  1023. Ata*

    She sounds like a wonderful mother and human. I’m glad she was able to pass the way she wanted. Please take care of yourself and your loved ones!

  1024. jill*

    so very sorry for your loss.

    may her memory be a blessing.
    and may Gsd console you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem

    she sounds like an amazing person

  1025. Oui oui oui all the way home*

    Alison, I am so sorry for the loss of your incredible mom. It sounds like she was a light in the world for many people. I wish you peace.

  1026. JA*

    Sending comfort to you and your family and may your mother’s memory be a blessing. I’m adding in my appreciation to you for your honesty and thoughtfulness in sharing. As you’ve seen there’s a huge community around you, thanks to the work you’ve done, and we’re here to support you.

  1027. Princess Sparklepony*

    I am so sorry for your loss. It’s tough. Your mom sounds like a fabulous person. You have wonderful memories of her and she lives on in those.

    Now go do some yoga! (I’m channeling her…)

  1028. Crystal Blackburn*

    Alison,
    I’m sorry for your loss. I have always enjoyed your anecdotes about your mom. This post shows your love for her in a larger format. I’m so glad you shared it with us Thank you

  1029. Animal Lover*

    I’m sorry for your loss. That was an amazing tribute to her, I snorted at the sympathy card story it was so funny.

  1030. Cheshire Cat*

    Alison, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Your mom was clearly an amazing and special person and will be greatly missed by everyone who knew her.

    May her memory be a blessing.

  1031. Kelly*

    Oh, Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. I’m so glad your mum was able to pass peacefully and in a manner and time she chose. I hope you and your sister are looking after yourselves.

  1032. Never Knew I was a Dancer*

    Thank you for letting us know a little bit about her. She sounds like an amazing person. I’m so sorry you had to say goodbye this early.

  1034. Rrrach*

    Sending you and all your family my condolences and best wishes, Alison.
    Thank you for sharing your dedication to your Mom – she sounds like a remarkable person.

  1035. Silent E*

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Alison. It sounds like your mom made this world a better place for a lot of people. My deepest sympathy.

  1036. Jean (just Jean)*

    Everyone has already said everything… but grief is still a difficult opponent. Take care of yourself. Your mother’s memory is already a blessing. By writing about your mom and living out the values you learned from her, you are keeping part of her in this world. I wish you comfort and, eventually, peace.

  1037. Anandatic*

    May her memory be a blessing. Losing my mom was the hardest thing to ever happen to me, please continue to take care of yourself for as long as you need.

  1038. Em*

    Thanks for sharing these funny, heartwarming, and beautiful details about your mom. I’m glad she was able to leave on her own terms. Sending you and your family strength to endure the grief that follows.

  1039. nodandsmile*

    So sorry for your loss Alison. Allow yourself to grieve as you need – it will hit at unexpected times. Take care and thank you for sharing with us.

  1041. Queen Avocado Delilah*

    So sorry for your loss Alison. Your words made your mum into a real person in my mind and I’m sorry she’s no longer part of this world as she sounded like such a special woman. I hope you have time to rest and to think of the memories you share together. May she rest in peace.

  1042. Nebula*

    I’m so sorry for your loss Alison. I hope that you, as someone who has supported and guided so many people over the years, are getting all the support and love you need right now.

  1043. MPerera*

    I’m very sorry to hear this, Alison. All the best to you and your family. May your mother’s memory live for a very, very long time and may the good she did in this world continue for even longer.

  1045. Mimsie*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss, you, your sister, your nieces must feel the gap immensely. She sounds wonderful!

  1048. Agnes Grey*

    I am so very sorry. May her memory be a blessing. And I am so grateful for your generosity in sharing her and her story with us.

  1054. career coach by the sea*

    Thank you for sharing your mom with this audience for so long. Wishing your family much peace. May her memory be a blessing.

  1056. General von Klinkerhoffen*

    What a wonderful woman. I’m sure she will be much missed.

    The good in her lives on in you, Alison, so we share in the blessing.

  1058. Christine*

    What an amazing person who made the world a better place. Thank you for sharing a part of her with us.

  1059. Cristy*

    My deepest condolences to you and your loved ones, Alison. Thank you for telling us about your mom, I loved reading about her personality and I’m very glad she passed peacefully and on her own terms. My love to you.

  1060. Policy Wonk*

    I am so sorry for your loss. The tribute to your mother shows what a wonderful person she was, and how much you will miss her. I hope you find comfort in many happy memories, and the knowledge that she lived and died on her own terms. (And that nagging voice in the back of your head saying yoga? It shows she is still with you in spirit.)

  1061. I'll have the blue plate special, please.*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. Sending you love and light at this time.

  1062. Teapot Wrangler*

    My sincere condolences. She sounds like an amazing woman – the condolence card is particularly hilarious. Please do take as long as you need and don’t rush back to the site.

  1063. Margaret Plichta*

    It is very painful, I have lost so many people I feel like a freak. My mom lived in Oregon and used assisted medical suicide too. I am very sorry for you, and I hope you find comfort in her being free from the s**t that cancer is. I used, and still use, David Kessler.

  1064. JJ*

    I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your mother, who sounds like a remarkable person. Thank you for sharing your memories with all of us in this difficult moment.

  1065. CEMgr*

    Shedding a few tears for you and your mother in sympathy, and believe many others are as well. She was an extraordinary woman and her daughter is the same. When I lost my mom, one thing I found helpful to remember is that grief can be proportional to love. Sounds like you had a lot of love between you, and I hope those memories comfort you in this severe loss.

  1069. cityMoose*

    Oh Alison, I am so very sorry about your loss. Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful person. My deepest condolences to you and yours.

  1070. Danielle*

    I am so sorry to hear that, but happy that your mom was able to go on her own terms. May her memory be a blessing!

  1071. Can never think of a name*

    Deep condolences for this terribly sad loss from a long time lurker. I’m so very sorry.

  1073. Melisande*

    Your Mum sounds amazing and you were very lucky to have each other. Her warmth and wisdom live on in you and benefit us all. Take care.

  1075. Michelle*

    I am very sorry for your loss. I really enjoyed the anecdotes about your mom. An extrovert who goes on a silent retreat sounds like an exceptionally curious and open minded person to me. I hope you find some comforts with your family and friends these days.

  1076. fingal1962*

    Alison, what a beautiful loving picture you have painted of your mom. I am so sorry for your loss, you were blessed with one of the best!

  1077. jleebeane*

    Our sincere condolences, Alison. What a loving tribute to an amazing woman. None of us would be who we are without our upbringings, so all of us readers have benefitted immensely from the gifts your mom gave you. May her memory be a blessing.

  1079. CallYourMother*

    A beautiful tribute <3. My deepest sympathies.

    Loved reading about your mom, especially the sympathy card bit. It made me laugh out loud and call my husband who also laughed out loud.

  1080. Iconic Bloomingdale*

    Alison, kindly accept my condolences for the loss of your mother. She sounds like an awesome person and her greatest legacy is you and your sister.

    I lost my mother last month after her two year struggle with cancer. And let me tell you, so I have an idea of what you are going through. But I’m clinging to the good memories of my mother and I know you are also. The emotional ups and downs are the worse, but that is proof positive of how special our mothers were and how much we love them.

  1081. Double Shelix*

    Your mother sounds incredible, as with all mothers and all humans flawed and fallible, but still a force of nature to be reckoned with. The “too no nonsense for affection but tends to the sick like a baby kitten” is so like my own mother, that struck a deep chord with me.

    You have my deepest condolences on your loss.

  1082. AlexandrinaVictoria*

    I’m so sorry to hear this, but am glad she was able to have the death she wanted. Take care of yourself. I’m thinking of you and your family.

  1085. Trixie the Great and Pedantic*

    oh, Alison

    may her memory be a blessing and may all the best of her carry on through you and your sister

  1086. Miss Mantis*

    May her memory be a blessing. It sounds like it already is. Thank you for sharing with us about her, I feel lucky for the glimpse I got to see through your beautiful writing. Thinking of you and your family.

  1089. Mr Bananapants*

    Very sorry to hear this. Thank you for sharing about your mom with us, and glad she was able to pass on her own terms.

  1091. A*

    Oh I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.
    I remember when you posted this article before and thinking what a delightful and loving person she must be.

  1092. McFizzle*

    Your mother sounds absolutely wonderful. I’m sorry for your loss, but also very glad you had such a great mom / history / memories.

  1093. Dear Old Tiger That Sleeps*

    My heart goes out to you for this sad loss, wishing you peace in your heart even if only for a second at a time. Thank you for sharing your mom with us in addition to all the gifts you share with us every day.

  1094. WI Gov EE*

    A beautiful tribute to your mom. I’m so sorry for your immense loss, but grateful that your mom had control over her situation in the end.

  1095. Hurricane Wakeen*

    What a wonderful tribute to your mom. Thank you for sharing a bit about her with us. She raised a good human who has made everyone here in the comments better people as well. Thinking of you & your family <3

  1096. p*

    As someone who is about your age and dealing with parallel life circumstances, I am dreading this imminent moment myself and am so deeply sorry for your loss, Alison. May memories and the act of celebrating and honoring her life comfort you in this incredibly difficult time.

  1097. I've Escaped Cubicle Land*

    My deepest sympathies for your loss. Your mom sounds absolutely amazing. I laughed over the talkative part. I had a grandma who could make a new friend and pen pal anywhere. Can remember stopping at a truck stop on vacation and Grandma ran all us kids thru the restroom. When I came out of the stall she was exchanging addresses with a lady who was washing her hands and yes they corresponded for years. My default is introvert, but I grew up handling crowds and new people like an extrovert because I watched at the knees of a master all thru childhood. Much love and support to you during this time.

  1100. NotHannah*

    I love how you wrote about her as a real person with quirks and all. I lost my mom a year ago after she was in hospice care for 6 months. I admire your grace and eloquence, and send my deepest sympathies.

  1102. ShadySylytherin*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. PS. You mom sounds absolutely amazing and I fully support her pride over that sympathy card; that was delightful

  1103. Josephine Beth*

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful human and a gift to the world.

  1104. akjrusty*

    I am so so sorry- losing your Mom is unbearably difficult. And I am so glad for her being able to die how she wanted. Thank you for sharing and please take care of yourself

  1105. GovSysadmin*

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alison. My condolences you to you, your sister, and the rest of your family. I’m glad you could be there together with her.

  1108. o_gal*

    I’m very sorry for your loss. I wish you strength in dealing with the aftermath, after the funeral is over and you have gotten all the emotional support from people, and now you have to deal with the legal and financial “stuff”. I lost my Mom on Aug 18, the funeral was on Sep 12, and my Dad is in long term care with health and dementia issues. I’m now dealing with all the aftermath of changing his address to mine (Mom was handling his mail) and setting myself up as POA for him. It’s been a struggle and there’s still more to go. I hope that everything is set up correctly for you that you don’t have too many problems to deal with.

  1112. Adam*

    I share in your loss. My mom died of pancreatic cancer in 2015. I am so glad that your mother had a good, chosen death. She sounds like an amazing, infuriating, devoted, and most of all, loving human.

    May her memory be a blessing.

  1115. Midnightxx3*

    Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you both for your repeated mentions and support of (as I am most familiar) Dying with Dignity. I am glad she was able to live as comfortably as possible, take your time, come back to use when you’re ready.

  1120. Hester Prynncess*

    Oh my, I’m so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need — readers will be here when you are ready to return.

    And may her memory be a blessing. <3 She sounds like an absolutely amazing person.

  1121. Delurking*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and so glad she got to do things the way she wanted. Thank you for telling us about how awesome she is.

  1123. Stoppin' by to chat*

    May your mother’s memory always be a blessing and may your wonderful memories of her bring you comfort now and in the future. Ha’makom yenahem etkhem betokh she’ar avelei Tziyonvi’Yerushalayim.

  1125. Frances*

    I’m so sorry for your loss. My mother died in March this year, also of Stage IV pancreatic cancer. I miss her every day. Thank you for sharing.

  1126. S*

    Long, long, long time lurker who felt compelled to come out of the shadows to offer condolences. Thank you for sharing these beautiful words so that she may live in our memories as well. Thinking thoughts of light for you and your family.

  1129. Resentful Oreos*

    Dear Alison, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Condolences to you and your family. (And medical aid in dying is such a blessing for the terminally ill, I’m glad your mom was able to go on her own terms.)

  1130. Sweet 'N Low*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the world’s loss. Your mom sounds like one of the very rare people who made the world a better place by being in it.

  1131. rebelwithmouseyhair*

    I’m sorry for your loss Alison and I’m glad that your mother managed to depart on her own terms. I hope you find solace in that.

    (She might have been a little bit right about the yoga, because it does do all sorts of good things including boosting your immune system :-) )

  1132. PB Bunny Watson*

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute about a beautiful human being. I’ve been there, and I know how unbelievably devastating it is to go through. Please take care of yourself and know that we all love you and deeply appreciate the advice you provide.

  1133. Admin Lady*

    Sending you a big virtual hug! So sorry for your loss and you take as much time as you need to mourn.

  1134. Nysee*

    When I was about 12, I told her that I figured adults stopped having sex around 26 years old, because after that point they’d be too old and gross. About a decade later, when my then-boyfriend turned 26, she sent him a sympathy card. She is still immensely pleased with herself for this.

    I’m so sorry for your loss.. What an amazing woman your mom was. She knew how to live. May she rest in peace.

  1135. Emily*

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful tribute to your wonderful mom. I’m so sorry for your loss and send love and care to you and your family.

  1138. TeaCoziesRUs*

    I’m so sorry, and thank you for sharing little bits of her with us over the years. You are a spectacular woman in your own right… and it looks like you followed in some huge footsteps. May you remain in peace, grieve as and when you need, and take your time. We’ll be here when you get back. May her memory be a blessing to everyone who knew her, and may you smile every time you see that crazy kosher ingredient she hunted all over town for… or pass by the woods where she literally could not shut up… or get into a grudging downward dog. :)

  1139. Redwinemom*

    May her memory be a blessing.
    I remember reading your writings about her in the past. She sounds like she was an amazing person.

  1140. matchasipper*

    I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine such a loss. I love what you wrote about her—thank you for sharing it. Wishing you peace and comfort.

  1141. Anita Brayke*

    Oh, Alison. I’m so sorry for such a significant loss in your life. It sounds, from what you’ve written about her through the years, that she was a real light in the world, and brought a lot of joy to a lot of people. My thoughts are with you and your family. I’m hoping that the memories you and your family have of her, and share with each other, will eventually bring you joy, when the time is right.

  1142. OneElleMich*

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Alison. May your mother’s memory be a blessing to all who knew and loved her.

  1143. Grenelda Thurber*

    I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, Alison. I wish peace for you and everyone who knew her.

  1146. BekaRosselinMetadi*

    I cried at this. I’m so sorry she’s gone but she got to pick when and how and have you and your sister there and that was a gift. You’ll love her and miss her the rest of your life-but your relationship with her was so wonderful that I know you’re grateful for everything. I’m still sorry though-it’s always painful even when you know it’s going to happen.

  1147. TrixieDelite*

    Choking back tears. How very, very lucky you and your sister were to have her in your lives. May her memory be a blessing.

  1148. FionasHuman*

    There’s nothing original that can be said. I’m glad you had each other, so sorry you’re hurting, and hope you’ll take all the time you think you need plus more so you have both healing and rest.

  1150. Mavis Mae*

    Alison I am so sorry that your Mum has passed away. She was clearly an extraordinary and very loving person, and she was also very lucky to have you as an extraordinary and very loving daughter. I’m glad she was able to go on her own terms when she chose to.
    Take care of yourself.

  1151. Cheryl*

    I am so very sorry for your loss. No matter how old or “grown-up” we might be it is so, so hard to lose our mothers. The one person who, if you were lucky, always had your back no matter what. It sounds like your mom was that kind of person. My thoughts are with you and your sister as you both process your grief.

  1152. A mathematician*

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    My Dad died in July from brain cancer. It has been horrible, but the one nice part has been hearing from the many people who admired him and miss him. Through this website you’ve shown what a kind, admirable person your mother was, with great advice (dare I say like mother like daughter?) and the world is a poorer place without her.

  1154. zyx*

    I’m so sorry, Alison. Your mother sounds like a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing stories about her with us.

  1160. Amie*

    Alison, I am so sorry. In the coming weeks, I hope an unexpected memory makes you smile. And, I hope in the coming months you find comfort and strength in all that you shared with your Mom.

  1163. Amy*

    I’m so sorry for your loss; she sounds like a wonderful human and mother. Thinking of you and your family at this time xxx

  1165. on the couch, with the cat*

    Thank you for sharing this lovely tribute to your mother.

    May her memory be for a blessing.

  1166. River*

    Your mom sounds like a great human being and an example that would make this world a better place. Thank you for sharing her life with us. I hope the memories of her provide solace and healing for you for the times ahead Alison. Condolences to you and your family.

  1168. Retail Dragon*

    May her memory be a blessing indeed. I’m just seeing this as I get caught up on various things. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  1170. Heather*

    Oh Alison, I’m so sorry. Your mom was a hero for using the time she had left to advocate for others and you must be so proud of her. Please take all the time you need.

  1173. Golden Handcuffs*

    Thank you for sharing her with us. Your description of her reminds me of my own mother in a lot of ways (except the advice thing – my mother cannot help herself when it comes to giving advice.) How amazing too that she was able to to use the Medical Aid in Dying. That is truly a gift that she could give herself. Take care of yourself.

  1174. Mrs. Pommeroy*

    Your mom sounds like a wonderful person who is clearly very missed already. My deepest condolences, Alison to you and all who love her.

  1176. Arawn*

    Hi Alison. I’m a long time reader and fan of your blog. I’ve never commented before but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like a brave and kind woman. You must miss her very much. If it’s not insensitive, I’d also like to offer congratulations to her for dying at a time and in a manner of her choosing.

    I lost both my parents this year. Like your mother they were both ill for a long time. Assisted dying is not legal here but my dad, against all odds and apparently through sheer force of will, managed to die on holiday in his favourite city.

    My mum also stayed in a bad marriage for years because she thought it was the right thing to do, and paid a heavy price. Thankfully she got excellent care in her later years and died peacefully surrounded by family. They were both very lucky.

    I knew she learned English as a second language, studied English literature and taught English to other immigrants as an adult, but I was shocked to discover after she died that she also wrote poetry – good poetry. It’s been a source of comfort and wonder in the weeks since. It sounds like you were close with your mother and I hope her memory is a comfort to you too.

    You demonstrate some of the best qualities you attribute to her through your blog. It’s a credit to you both and an incredible gift to all of us. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  1178. Pointy Stix*

    Oh, Alison. I’m so sorry about your mom’s passing. She sounds like an utter hoot. May your memories of her continue to comfort you.

  1179. RC*

    Oh, I’m so sorry. I saw the reruns and kind of had a feeling. I’m glad she was able to go on her own terms, and she sounds like an amazing person. May her memory be a blessing.

  1180. WoodswomanWrites*

    Alison, I am so deeply sorry about your mother. I’m glad she was able to choose how she died after working for so long to make that possible for others. May you find comfort in knowing how much you brightened her life.

    I only just saw this post. You have been generous in sharing your family’s story over the years. Thanks for leaving the comment section open for the thousands of people across the world who care about you, so we can share our support even if it’s anonymous.

    You have been generous in sharing your family’s story.

  1183. Caro*

    Just seen this beautiful post now. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your mom. Losing my own mother was the worst thing that has (yet) happened to me and I speak as someone whose beloved dad died from cancer when I was 13. The reason that was not the very worst possible vs absolutely dreadful and tragic was because my mom carried me through, despite her own pain and heartbreak.

    I am glad for her and for you that she got to call the shots re the time / manner of her actual passing and that must be quite a comfort, that she was spared the worst, pointless, awful bit.

    Hope you are okay and have support to deal with the huge gap that has been left in your life. Unfortunately, the price of wonderful parents is that they have the audacity to up and die on you and then what? I ask my mom this quite often, in fact.

  1185. Eff Walsingham*

    Thank you for sharing your Mom with all of us. I, too, had a sharable mother, beloved by many of my friends. Those of them who are still around have lightened my ongoing grief by sharing memories with me about how we all laughed together. Even though some pretty dark times. May her memory be a blessing!

  1186. MoriaB*

    Long time reader, first time responder. Thank for sharing this lovely tribute. Sending you and your family many good thoughts. May her memory be a blessing.

Comments are closed.