{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

    5. Bookgarden*

      After several weeks of struggles with prior authorization delayed, and difficulties with delivery, I finally got my medicine to treat my newly diagnosed ADHD. I’m not new to prescription struggles (Type 1 Diabetes in the US for 40+ years) but it’s always a relief when these things finally work out. Unfortunately, the plan only covers about 25% of the prescription, but at least it’s a generic so not terribly expensive.

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    6. Reindeer Hut Hostess*

      My husband is home after two weeks in the hospital…one of which was in ICU. He was about ready to give up, but all he needed was time for the super-antibiotics to work.

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    7. chocolate muffins*

      We got my son some magna tiles and he LOVES playing with them, absolutely adores it, and it is adorable to see.

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  3. Strive to Excel*

    Question for folks with kids!

    I’m right at the stage where a number of my friends are starting families, but I have not yet. Naturally this means that we have less time to see each other since their schedules are tighter and since I do not have children yet we have fewer conversational topics. I’d still like to stay close to these friends. So for those commenters with children: what is the best way to stay connected with you? Do you want outings with friends who are flexible about having small children around? Or would you prefer fewer but childfree outings to have a Space To Be Me? Are there other ways to stay good friends – not best friends, but not just christmas card acquaintance – that you have particularly found helpful?

    My best option is to go to my friends and ask them, but I’m bad enough with social cues that I’d like to have some expectations for myself before I dive in.

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    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      As a childfree person who’s closest local friends have four children 5-11 – we go both ways. Obviously if I go to their house, the kids are likely to be there, but they’re pretty good about entertaining themselves without always being underfoot so adults can play a board game or something. (They do also occasionally send the kids off to grandparents for the weekend.) My dog is not super fond of kids (not aggressive, she just hasn’t ever spent time around kids and she’s a grumpy ten year old who doesn’t like change or ruckus) so if they come to my house, generally no kids. If we go out, probably kids, but not always. Most of our hangouts are at their place.

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    2. Jackalope*

      My experience as a person without kids but lots of friends with kids is that flexibility is helpful. Most of my friends with kids (FWKs) need to have me come to them, at least when the kiddos are little. Being able to work around sleep times (either naps or evening bedtime) in whatever way is helpful can be good; check and see if they want you to drop by for dinner and leave at bedtime, or drop by after bedtime, for example.

      Another thing is to be gracious about being interrupted a lot. Parents with young kids in particular have to be ready for distractions at no notice; if you’re okay with having an outing in the park where your conversation keeps getting interrupted by the kids rather than getting frustrated and impatient, that’s super helpful.

      And also, take an interest in their kids to some extent. At the very least, listen to them talking about their kids – for a long time the kids are going to be a big focus for them, and if you can listen and be interested, or if you can play with them for a bit when parents have to run to the bathroom or something, that can go a long way towards helping keep things going well with you and your friendship. Doesn’t mean all you talk about are kids, but be willing to discuss them.

      Last, most of my FWKs preferred doing something with me and the kiddos, but I liked to offer both. That way they didn’t have to find childcare, but they knew that if they needed a night out then they could call me and I’d be there.

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      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        As another person without kids but who has lots of friends with kids, I second the “expect to be interrupted a fair bit” advice. Most of my best friends lived far away, and until their kids were about five years old or so, we got frequently interrupted when we were on the phone. I just learned to expect shorter phone calls for a few years, but after the kids got a little older, we got to have longer talks. Try not to take it personally if friends have to cut a conversation or an outing short to take care of their kids — things will better when the kids are older, and I’m sure your friends will deeply appreciate your understanding.

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      2. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        And I agree with the “be willing to go to them” advice as well. I spent some nice weekends staying over with friends and family when their kids were very little. I just learned to expect that most of our time would be spent interacting with the kids (again, something that will change the older the kids get).

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    3. Washi*

      This is such a a sweet question! I have a toddler and am expecting my second.

      The #1 thing I appreciate from childfree friends is that they keep reaching out to me. I kind of only feel comfortable initiating plans these days if I’m proposing something kid free, which isn’t as easy to do as when I had zero kids. So I appreciate friends reaching out to make plans, whether it’s including my kid or not.

      From having my own and from seeing other friends’ kids, the baby stage isn’t too bad since most babies are happy being walked in some way, and it’s then fully possible to have an uninterrupted conversation. And then around 4-5 kids start to reliably understand the concept of playing independently. But ages 1.5 – 3 need constant vigilance and are honestly pretty annoying to most people who don’t have a toddler themselves. So at this point I mostly see my friends separately from my son.

      The only thing I really find annoying that pops up sometimes is when people say “when I was a kid my mom would never let me be a picky eater/interrupt/etc” as a benchmark for how my 2yo should be behaving. If you can clearly remember it, most likely you were 4+, which is a very different stage!

      But otherwise I’m so lucky to have friends who still include me and are interested in my life as a parent but also give me space to be a separate adult again. Just from this question you’re going to do great!

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    4. California Dreamin’*

      I have a best friend that was still single without kids when my oldest was born. She was such a good friend during those early years… she probably had to be very flexible and patient while I was more focused on my role as a mom, but she always kept in touch even if she had to do more of the reaching out and always was an interested, loving adult to my child. She actually was one of the very first people (I think Maybe the first) that we left our newborn alone with. She came over and held him while my husband and I walked around the block just so we could get out of the house for a minute and so I could practice being away from my child.
      She later married and then she and I ended up having kids in the same year, so we started getting together weekly with our kids. Dont get to see her as much now that we are in the teen years, but It’s one of my most treasured friendships!

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    5. HannahS*

      I appreciate flexibility, and it changed depending on my child’s age. When she was tiny, I just wanted someone to come over and sit with me. When she was a little older, I would leave her with my husband and go for a short walk with my friend. Now, I feel comfortable going out for dinner with my friends.

      I find it stressful to be out and about with my daughter if I’m also trying to socialize for myself. I definitely thought I would be “come hang out with my and my kid!” kind of parent, but I happen to have a very active, energetic child in a non-child-friendly neighborhood and when I’m out, keeping her safe occupies most of my attention. And my friends without kids aren’t used to the rhythm of conversation that happens when you’re chasing after / being interrupted by a toddler (with the exception of my friend who is a nanny.) So I tend to make plans that are later in the evening, mostly around/after shes in bed.

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    6. Part Time Lab Tech*

      Before kids are mobile, cafes are fine. Also, if partnered, choosing times when the other parent can parent means some child free activity.
      Once kids are mobile, bringing a meal to their place can work or sharing a plate at a park with a fenced playground can be good.
      Little kids are learning everything and can need constant attention so yeah, lots of tolerance for interruption is essential.

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  4. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading, and give or request recs.

    I enjoy reading books about traveling, and a series I love is called Travellers’ Tales. Right now I’m reading a book in their series about traveling to Cuba. It’s not a country I know a ton about, so it’s been fun to read.

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    2. James Morris enjoyer*

      If you enjoy reading about traveling then I’d recommend anything by James Morris (The Great Port being a fantastic portrayal of 1960s New York). His books have a way of transporting you to a different time and place that I’ve rarely seen replicated by other writers.

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    3. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      I finished Ann Patchett’s *Bel Canto*, about an international group of hostages and guerrillas who bond in various ways during a kidnapping gone wrong. I felt like the epilogue was tacked on and not really “earned,” but overall, I enjoyed the book. Heads up, though (and the book makes no secret of this), there are some folks who eventually die.

      I’m starting Danzy Senna’s *Colored Television* about a bi-racial family with a novelist mom and an artist dad in LA. I haven’t gotten too far into it yet, but I’m enjoying Senna’s writing so far.

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    4. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      I like hoary old travel books from the 19th century, like Mark Twain’s *Life on the Mississippi* and *Innocents Abroad*. I thought *Three Men on a Bummel* (about turn-of-the-19th-to-the-20th-century Germany) was just okay, though.

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    5. AcademiaNut*

      The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera, which was fantastic and I can highly recommend. Fantasy in a modern but not actually our world setting, drawing heavily from Sri Lankan history and Buddhism.

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    6. chocolate muffins*

      I saw Slumdog Millionaire in the theaters a billion years ago and just read the book on which it was based this week. I remembered nothing about the movie other than the set-up (dude with not very much money wins top prize on India’s version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire), and reading the book was interesting, especially given how it was set up – there was a chapter for each question to explain how the main character came to know the answer to that question.

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    7. RetiredAcademicLibrarian*

      For books about travel, I really like Patrick Leigh Fermor. He wrote an unfinished trilogy about his experience walking from Holland to Constantinople in the 1930s – the first is A Time of Gifts (there is a third book compiled from his notes published after his death). He also wrote about his travels in Greece and the Caribbean.

      There’s also All Roads Lead to Austen by Amy Elizabeth Smith. She’s an English teacher who took a sabbatical and traveled to various countries in Latin America to discuss Jane Austen with various book groups, trying to see how non-Anglo readers connected with the books.

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  5. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    My household just started a TTRPG (tabletop role-playing game; a game you play live with each other) called Sentinel. Each person plays a character who is a superhero. We’ve just started creating characters, so we’ll see how it goes, but my spouse has played before and loved it so hoping it’s fun!

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  6. PhyllisB*

    I’m not sure if this fits here or more on the work thread, but here goes.
    I’ve been reading a cozy mystery series where the main character is the assistant coroner. The coroner is a medical doctor, she’s an RN. When I used to watch things like Quincy and other crime procedurals the coroner is also an MD. In my state coroner is an elected position and they don’t even need a medical background. My question is, is this a state by state requirement or just ours? I never thought about it until I started reading about autopsies and I started wondering how someone with no medical background could even perform an autopsy?

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    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      It is state by state, yep. Check out “The Cadaver King and the Country Dentist” by Radley Balko.

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  7. PhyllisB*

    Okay, I have another random question. This is for those of you who keep up with political history.
    We all know Joe Biden has withdrawn from the presidential race, but I was wondering if there has ever been a time when BOTH primary candidates of the race withdrew in the same race?

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  8. Phantosmia*

    Anyone else have phantosmia? Curious what the odors are for other folks.

    For decades I used to smell oranges right before developing a migraine, which was strange but not unpleasant. Over the past few months it has switched to a propane/chafing fuel smell, which is much less pleasant. (To clarify there is definitely no leak; our entire neighborhood is fully electric.)

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