my community was destroyed by the hurricane — how do I function at work?

by Alison Green on October 8, 2024

Readers, can you help with this one?

I had a question I’m hoping to get your or your readers’ input on.

I live, and work remotely from, one of the Southern Appalachian communities that was most severely impacted by Hurricane Helene. I’m very lucky in that I’m safe, my people are safe, and I didn’t have catastrophic property damage. And, the city I call home is in ruins, I have no running water (and likely won’t for weeks), cell service is spotty, WiFi access is inconsistent, and many people I’m close with lost everything or are stuck in remote communities still inaccessible by road.

Even though I’m physically okay, mentally I’m barely functioning. My life has become a series of long lines to get drinking water, supply runs for isolated friends, endless news (both actual news and 1-1 news from people I care about) about how bad things are, weeding through extensive disinformation on social media, volunteering on emergency response teams, etc. Every time I leave my house I see another treasured place that’s either gone forever or will never be the same. I’ve dealt with trauma and loss before, but this is different – both in its enormous local scale, and what feels like irrelevance (or even unawareness) to everyone outside the region.

My company has been accommodating through the first week, and has given me a blanket “let us know what you need and we’ll work with you” offer. But I’m in a senior role and I’m worried about my total lack of mental bandwidth to do my job. I’m short with people, and I can maybe get through one major task a day before losing focus. I expect my employer’s patience to run out well before I’m back to 100%. Performance assessments are coming up next month and we’re in the middle of our busiest season, so it’s not exactly a great time for me to be struggling – and it’s a small business so my current survival-mode capacity has real impacts. I have no idea what I could even ask for to make work easier, other than “let me take two months off to rebuild my ability to function like a normal human again.” I’m not in a financial position to quit or take unpaid leave, and I’m not able or willing to temporarily relocate out of the disaster zone.

I’d love to hear about anything I could ask for from my company, or anything else you can think of to help me navigate the aftermath of such a catastrophic disaster at work. I also have folks in my community who would benefit from ideas about how to negotiate with employers who are less flexible with remote staff in this situation.

I’d prefer to keep comments specifically focused on remote work. I deeply appreciate the intent behind suggestions re: life-logistics, resource access, community response, or general expressions of empathy, but I don’t have bandwidth to absorb it all.

Readers, can you help? (Please make sure to respect the writer’s request in the last paragraph.)

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{ 211 comments }

{ 211 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. crose*

    Could you possibly ask to take a temporary emergency leave? However, those usually aren’t paid. So if you can’t go without, could you see if they would allow you to shift your working hours or duties temporarily? Maybe go to part time or shift your duties temporarily to email communication only, so you don’t have that pressure to be “on” visually.

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    1. Not Another Username*

      A voluntary donation/emergency leave bank might be perfect here since the OP’s co-workers are in a different geographical area. However, I don’t know the practicality of implementing that in a small business.

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    2. WOOLFAN*

      I wonder if their employer offers paid (or even partial pay) leave for anything, and if so, whether they could figure out a way to have that apply to their current situation. For example, if their company offers paid FMLA (or the equivalent, since they may be too small to be obligated to offer FMLA), maybe they can figure out how this could fit within that scope. Perhaps it would be worth trying to get an assessment from a medical professional regarding emotional trauma, etc. Or perhaps their employer would be willing to extend some flavor of paid leave applicable to a different situation to this one?

      I wonder if one of the outcomes (on a national level, not specific to the LW) of this year’s hurricane season will be a proposal for legislation covering victims of natural disasters. It really sucks that there isn’t already something covering folks the way FMLA does. I’m kind of horrified hearing stories about folks who can’t evacuate from hurricanes because they will lose their jobs – how is THAT not a protection that is already in place??! (Well I assume state politics in Florida and other states often affected by hurricanes? But why isn’t this a federal level protection?) The interruption to one’s ability to work caused by this stuff can be just as severe as the interruption caused by major injury or illness. It really sucks that there are so few safety nets for so many folks.

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      2. merida*

        Agreed, how does federal protection for workers during natural disasters not exist??

        Even in my really tiny experience with a small natural disaster I struggled to get my work done. We had a blizzard with record-breaking snowfall totals once back in the in-office days. They wouldn’t allow us to go home until the roads were already mostly impassable, and the strict expectation was that we go right back to work at home. After more than an hour white knuckling it home (normal commute was 15 minutes) I had to shovel my driveway before I could get my car in without getting stuck. During that my neighbor got their car stuck in the road so I helped, and then finally went inside to work even though I was full of adrenaline from the situation and my clothes were soaked. I got “talked to” for not immediately going back to work once I got home because I was hourly. I know that’s a really really small thing in comparison, but it just paints the picture of how much room for improvement there is!

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      3. Just an idea*

        Piggybacking on this idea, during a catastrophic wildfire fire year when many employers lost their homes to fire or had severe smoke damage making then uninhabitable even if they still stood, my employer got creative and extended a week of bereavement leave to everyone to folks severely impacted by the wildfires. Maybe your employer could do something similar.

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    3. MadisonCat*

      Mental health worker here. Please have yourself evaluated for a) acute stress and b), as the weeks go on, PTSD. An MD or APNP should be able to diagnose for these if there’s no mental health access, though you might be able to meet with a mental health worker virtually who isn’t in a part of the state that was hard hit. PTSD, generalized anxiety, and depression are disabilities under the ADA, and if you have short or long term disability insurance, you could perhaps use that temporarily. You’ll need the formal assessment and diagnosis. FMLA also allows folks to take “intermittent leave” so that you could work the hours you somehow can and be on leave the reminder — though I don’t know whether short term disability insurance can be titrated like that. Sending many good wishes and solidarity as you navigate through this situation for which nobody could truly be prepared.

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  2. Jane Bingley*

    Honestly, it sounds like you need a full reset. In your shoes, I’d be going to my boss with a specific list of tasks on my plate, my estimate of how much relative time they eat up, and a line drawn below which tasks simply won’t get done. I’d be looking for my boss’ input on whether I’ve got the right items on the list, in the right order, with the line in the right place – but the reality of cutting the to-do list in half for the next few months being the immovable goal of the conversation.

    Then it falls to your boss to decide how to handle tasks you’re no longer doing – can they be skipped, delegated to another employee, offloaded to a temp, delayed for months? If you find this tough, imagine if you’d undergone a major medical emergency and could only work half-time – how would the company handle it? This emergency is external rather than internal, but its impact is the same – you can’t do a full-time job right now and you need permission to drop specific things to focus on what your priorities are.

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    1. AVP*

      This could maybe also focus on what tasks are most heavily impacted by the unavoidable realities OP is facing. For example, at past remote jobs, I’ve had a lot of on-camera calls with clients > without good wifi or the ability to shower regularly, those would probably need to be handled by deputizing someone else to take them (which frees up X hours per day, or at least would allow OP to prep her staff instead of facing outsiders).

      But I think the idea of going through your to-do list, making an action plan that focuses on the next two months beyond this week, makes a lot of sense and is something a CEO would appreciate seeing and being able to weigh in on.

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      1. M2*

        All of these are really good ideas. I think coming up with a list of things that must be done in the next month and then the next week and speak to your boss about what you are able to do and what can be put onto others. The issue here is you have a small business so you don’t have as many people who can likely take your load.

        Speak to your employers. Maybe they would be willing to pay for some kind of WiFi or generator that might help you in the short term. They also might just say take this week off and yes it’s not 2 months, but it is something.

        Also, could you ask if you can work less
        hours? Could you maybe work an hour or two if the WiFi works then take a break ? Is there a period of time when working is better for you?

        If you have a team be open with them. Someone on another team had an emergency and the only person they managed was out on FMLA so they told everyone and we basically said “what tasks can we take off your plate that must be done?” That did mean people
        including me worked more hours, but we were happy to do it for a short period. I don’t know if you’ll get that type of support especially at a small company for 2 months but maybe start with asking for it for a couple weeks and see what people might help you with.

        I think writing things down- what must get done the next month then break down week by week and write down what you need/ write down who might be able to take some of the “must get done” off your plate and then communicate it to your boss and then team. People usually want to help but don’t know how so giving people concrete examples will really help them. “Hey Tim, for the next month can you intake over the Llamma Groomimg project? The information is in the shared drive and I’m happy to have a 15 minute call to go over any questions. I will also loop on the clients to let them know you are the point person for the time being. I’m happy to oversee it but can’t do day to day functions due to lack of WiFi and water in my area.”

        I think the best thing is to be clear and sort of go week by week. Thinking of you!

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        1. Jackalope*

          On the “Is there a period of time when working is better for you” question, one of the things I noticed early pandemic when suddenly wifi networks were being taxed beyond their capacity is that there were times of day that were definitely better than others. You said your connection is spotty right now; could you take a couple of days to see if there are trends? If there’s a time of day when it’s most likely to be working, or most likely to be down, that might help you figure out times of day when you can do internet work or stuff that doesn’t require internet and can be done on just your computer.

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    2. OP*

      Yeah, this is a good suggestion. I met with my manager yesterday to talk big-picture about this. One of the challenges is my capacity is super unpredictable – like, yesterday at 3 pm my internet crashed and burned, so I missed a couple deadlines that I was expecting to be no problem.

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      1. Momma Bear*

        I’d continue to communicate with your manager and see how you can backfill or delegate, or what the company might be able to purchase to help you out. It might also be helpful to not give you hot button items until you know the Internet is stable. And frankly, that happens anywhere. Just the other day I was down for a bit with no access to cloud documents for no good reason. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

        You might also see where you can go old school – Teams has call-in options, right? Is your cell service more stable? That kind of thing.

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        1. TooTiredToThink*

          I remember seeing posts that users in affected zipcodes could get free 30-day access to Starlink. If OP is using their regular provider; maybe they can switch over to Starlink when theirs is down.

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      2. I Count the Llamas*

        Can you ask your company for a mobile hotspot and battery pack? Depending on the type, the hotspot can either connect to the cell tower network, or one that can connect via satellite might be preferable if cell coverage is going down still. The battery pack can keep a laptop going, or it could run a monitor and computer, etc. to extend your availability when the power does go out.

        Best of luck OP, I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

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        1. JSPA*

          Doesn’t work to assume cell service. Some cell towers went down (like, literally collapsed) and others no longer had power lines to them.

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          1. Observer*

            Agreed. But having it means that *sometimes* there will be a failover. Which is better than NEVER having a failover. And if the LW has a cell phone, use that as a hotspot to, when that works, and ask the company to get them a hotspot from a different cell provider. Just make sure that the provider is not an MVNO that uses Provider One’s spectrum and towers. So, if you have Verizon get T-mobile or AT&T, not a company that uses Verizon towers.

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            1. Jules the 3rd*

              My understanding is that part of Biden’s emergency declaration was a requirement for cell providers to share capacity, so if there are any towers in the area, carrier should not matter.

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    3. OrdinaryJoe*

      I think this is a great approach. How would your company handle a sudden death or cancer treatment where the person isn’t at 100% and isn’t going to be for a few months. Triage the situation with A Level To Do’s and work down. You may even, depending on your culture, suggest people who can potentially take over certain tasks so your boss isn’t scrambling as much and at least knows that … Frank can run the X Report and Mary knows all about the Y Project.

      Also, know that your work and co-workers WILL understand because most of us know that if this situation wasn’t us, something similar will hit us …. death, illness, natural disaster… eventually. Major life disruptions happen to everyone.

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    4. RIP Pillowfort*

      I just got off a call where we were missing people due to the Helene impacts and I 100% agree with what you said.

      OP- you don’t have running water and your bosses have told you to tell them what you need from them. Outline what you need delegated or put off so you have a manageable workload. I live in the South and get what you’re talking about. It’s never going to be the same. But you’re not financially able to not work. You need to trim the job to the bare level of acceptable and not worry about how it looks on a performance review it until you’re through the other side.

      Another thing- if you could switch when you’re doing the work that might be something to think about. Maybe doing your work early before going out or later when you come back rather than holding to any core working hours. We’ve been flexible about that with workers when dealing with exactly this.

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      1. Sloanicota*

        I agree with this. Can you request take on a bigger, longer-term task – a big report or something, that’s not due for several months – and push other stuff to someone who’s not in an active disaster zone?

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        1. TechWorker*

          +1, especially if electricity is more stable than wifi then having tasks that don’t require solid internet access are likely to be more tractable.

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      2. Bruce*

        One thing, any manager that has any awareness is not going to ding you on your review for being impacted by a hurricane. I would hope that if they are frustrated it is at the situation, not at you.

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  3. HCworker*

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s awful and heartbreaking.

    Is there any way you can make yourself as comfortable as possible when remotely working, even in teeny tiny ways? Like, wear your softest clothes, work from the couch, sit by a window, hold a pet?

    Could you ask to turn your video off for most/all meetings? That could preserve some mental bandwidth and also give you the opportunity to dress down/be more flexible with location.

    I wonder if it would also be helpful to have a concrete discussion with your boss about expectations, instead of a vague “we’ll support you however you need.” Can you talk about adjusting your expectations for output, or delegating some leadership duties temporarily? You could even put dates to those things to indicate you intend to come back to full productivity eventually.

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    1. OP*

      Video is definitely a no-go right now – bandwidth won’t support it. I like the idea of keeping the pets close by though – they are absolutely helpful as a source of emotional support.

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      1. HCworker*

        Yeah, I have not had to deal with anything as severe or long-lasting as you are describing while at my current job, but I have experience doing a very difficult and emotionally demanding job while also going through my own stuff, and those tiny little things can mean a lot. If I can hug a cat while completing documentation, it makes the day a little more bearable. If I’m doing virtual appointments with my fuzziest socks on, it doesn’t solve all my problems but it’s a teeny way to make them more bearable. Take advantage of every isty opportunity to be gentle with yourself.

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    2. HonorBox*

      The suggestion about talking to your boss is exactly where I was headed too. Their expectations may be based on their outside understanding of what that might look like, where you’re going to have a different perspective. If an employee in this situation came to me and outlined specific things they needed, I’d be very appreciative. There may be some things that you, and they find that you need to do, but there may be other things that can be handled by others. Hopefully your boss is supportive in action and not just in word. And having that conversation may take a bit of stress from you, too.

      I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Sending you positive thoughts!

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  4. R*

    IS FMLA available here? I don’t have the legal knowledge to know for sure, but it seems like you might be able to take it, especially if you get a diagnosis of PTSD or some other stress or anxiety related disorder arising from the events.

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    1. Miss Chanandler Bong*

      I was thinking that as well. If OP can get a diagnosis that they need leave for mental health reasons, they likely could also use short term disability.

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      1. OP*

        Yeah and the idea of even attempting to get some kind of diagnosis is more logistics than I can handle right now. All my regular medical providers are shut down. This is a great suggestion for some of my people who have more established mental health records with providers in other parts of the state that are open though!

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        1. Vin*

          Is there any way you can call a telehealth provider through your medical insurance? I’ve been able to get minor diagnoses through a telehealth phone call, I just called their telehealth hotline and was able to talk to a doctor that same day. Maybe you could get a diagnosis easily that way. Some employers also provide EAP, I’d highly recommend Allison’s article on how to take advantage of EAP resources, I’ve also used them for mental health help.

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    3. samwise*

      No, not if there is no medical need on the part of the employee or a qualified family member for which the employee is caring, or if the employee or a qualified family member is military active duty and that duty creates a “qualifying exigency”. Unfortunately. google: dol.gov fmla

      I suggest talking directly to HR as to what sort of leave might be available. It might be unpaid, can you do that? if so, check about whether benefits are covered while you are on unpaid leave (especially health insurance).

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  5. Happy Camper*

    You mentioned being senior. If you have reports I encourage transparency as much as you can handle. A brief “I’ve been greatly impacted by the Hurricane and am still dealing with the fallout. Because of that I will be less responsive and may even sound shorter with you than usual. My apologies in advance”. My boss had a bunch of personal stuff come up recently and said something similar. I appreciated the heads up and adjusted my expectations accordingly.

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    1. OP*

      Great idea! I think what I really need from them is to email me things that I can just answer yes or no to, not having a lot of back and forth. This is really different from my typical management style so verbalizing it would be helpful for all of us. Thanks for the suggestion!

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      1. Beth*

        This would be fantastic info for me as your direct report in this scenario. In their shoes, I’d want to help and support but likely wouldn’t be able to guess what you need from me. Knowing your preferences (whether to ask questions via email vs slack vs “leave you alone except for one daily call where we handle everything at once”; to share info via yes-or-no questions vs a short summary of a situation that we’ll then discuss; to expect turnaround times to be an hour vs a day vs a week for things I need your signoff on; etc) would empower me to do my job and support you well.

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      2. Sloanicota*

        You could ask them to aim for one (weekly? Twice a week?) email from each of your direct reports that include yes/no responses. Send them an example of what you might want: a series of bullets that end with “I’m planning to do X and Y unless you tell me you would rather have me focus on Z. If my plan is right, just say yes and I’ll run with it and let you know how it’s going with an update on X date and a planned deadline of Y date.” Acknowledge that this is different from how you’ve operated in the past. Maybe point them towards a peer or another person for the back and forth if they need it. Ask the team to brainstorm together?

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      3. bamcheeks*

        If you’ve got good people working for you, let them step up. Where possible, tell people it’s ok to make decisions without running them past you first. Ask them to check each other’s documents and send them to you for quick signatures. Don’t CC you if it’s just for information— let go a little and pick it up later when you’re more grounded.

        Hopefully you have a few people who will really go for the opportunity to have a bit more responsibility and autonomy for a short-term period, and that’s ok!

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      4. Allegra*

        I don’t know how much your work might deal with this specifically, but as an example–mine involves a lot of communication with outside stakeholders, and some issues come up that need pretty finessed wording to come from senior staff. When my boss is completely slammed, I’ll do my best to draft up a potential response so I can include it when I let my boss know about the issue. It’s not always exactly what we need to say, but it’s much easier for her to adjust my draft than to come up with one from scratch.

        Are there any situations where you can ask your team to do something like that–either asking if they can include a plan of action you can just sign off on, or provide drafts you can adjust more easily, things like that?

        (And on an interpersonal note, when my family/hometown was pretty devastated by Hurricane Harvey in 2017, I ended up just telling people at work, “I know you’re all sending the best and appreciate it, but I’d love to not keep bringing it up so let’s leave it there” and that worked. Thinking of you and your community.)

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        1. Kazelle*

          Yes – this is something I do routinely for my senior leadership team. I write draft emails for my director or her manager so they can just make a few edits then cut and paste, and I send up summaries and proposed actions so I can just be told “go ahead” or “hold off” or my director can just forward them on to her manager with “this is the proposed action”.

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    2. AndersonDarling*

      As a direct report, I would appreciate the transparency. I’d like to know that my manager was making their personal life (and safety) come first and making adjustments in work life. Or even stepping away from work completely.
      When my manager makes their family and life first, then I know I can do the same if I’m in a difficult situation.

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      2. Code Monkey, the SQL*

        Yes, I agree wholeheartedly. Currently I have a manager and direct team member who are in process of evacuating (Tampa). Their transparency (one had their hotel suddenly cancelled, the other is tending to aging relatives) lets me do everything I can to keep the requests on their time/mental energy low. If they encounter disaster, our team can keep their stuff stable while they carry on being human, and we know we can count on each other.

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        1. Ezri Dax*

          OP, I’m so sorry you and your community are dealing with so much. You sound like an incredibly conscientious and caring person, both at work and in your personal life. As someone who was recently forced to slow down at work due to some health stuff, who also couldn’t afford to take leave, I just want to emphasize that you’re not a failure if you need to do the minimum for awhile. Your coworkers and managers won’t see you that way, either, if you work with even halfway decent people. I’ve been far harder on myself than my coworkers or manager have been on me, and I struggled to accept that it truly was okay to take a step back from my normal pace at work for a few months. If you can, go easy on yourself, and accept any help and support your coworkers are able to offer. Best of luck going forward, and I hope things stabilize as much as possible for you all soon.

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  6. Melisande*

    Given the cell access & wifi issues, seems reasonable to say to your employer that you aim to have set, short times online – an hour daily, a half day weekly, whatever might work for you – for urgent checkins and that the rest of the time you will be in survival mode and catching up with what you can do (eg maybe notes for staff assessments?) offline.
    Have a detailed out of office message to redirect routine queries to the best places – someone may be able to set that up for you.
    Triage your work tasks ruthlessly just as you would if dealing with a personal rather than community crisis: what can be delegated? what left completely?
    Try to take pride in what you are achieving for work against all odds, in dreadful circumstances that are not of your making. They are lucky to have you.

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    1. OP*

      Ohhhh the out of office message is something I never would have thought of and is a great idea. I’ll set that up today, thank you so much for the thought!

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    2. merida*

      I second the hour or half hour a day thing. With little internet and literally spending so much time and energy just trying to survive, what more could any employer expect??

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    3. Kara*

      I’m glad to see someone else suggest detailed use of OOO message options.

      I do this all the time, even when I’m in the office but working on something time sensitive or a “heavy hitter” project. I have multiple templates saved in my email for various “out of office” options and lists of who can handle things in my stead.

      Definitely put whatever details you’re comfortable including about your situation and your ability to be responsive. Ask specifically for what you need and be honest about how long you’ll need to respond to things. And bullet points are your friends in this communication. :)

      My heart goes out to y’all. We’ve got family in Tampa, so this is going to get personal for us more so than it already is. We’re all in this together. <3

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  7. MsM*

    First of all, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’m distressed enough at how many communities this is affecting, and I’m not even in the path of any of this. I can’t imagine living through it.

    Maybe two months off isn’t realistic, but can you ask your company for at least a week or two followed by part/flex time that will allow you to just focus on the one task you feel up to each week, and talk with the rest of your team about how to distribute other tasks or what can go on the back burner until you’re feeling ready to take on more? The timing may not be ideal, but if you’d been taken out by a more personal disaster, they’d have to figure out how to work around that. And I’m sure everyone would rather you communicate and ask for help upfront than wait for the situation to become a genuine emergency.

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    1. OP*

      I did get a week of leave, but that almost made things harder when I came back – after a week of being totally surrounded by people who just Know What’s Going On and Get It, it was kind of emotionally devastating to come back to business as usual. I’m not blaming anyone outside for not knowing how to interact with me, it was just a huge shock even though I intellectually was prepared for it.

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      1. Momma Bear*

        Hopefully people will stop bombarding you, but maybe a boilerplate response would be helpful to get them to move on. Or redirect people to what you need. “Thanks, but what I really need right now is someone to track down x y data for the report, as my bandwidth is limited. Can you get that for me and send it in a plain text email?”

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      2. WeirdChemist*

        I totally get the feeling of everyone around you being “business as usual” while you’re struggling. I had my house destroyed by a hurrricane while my coworkers basically dealt with some minor things getting knocked over in their yard. They considered the hurricane to be a fun break from work while I was functionally homeless for several weeks. Not to mention the added stress of my commute essentially doubling to deal with couch surfing, dealing with insurance, replacing stuff, general lack of sleep/stability/etc… Needless to say I was dealing with similar problems you are (difficultly focusing, snappish behavior, etc). It didn’t help that my boss was a complete a-hole about the whole thing, but he’s a whole AAM post by himself

        Make sure you’re taking care of yourself outside of work! I personally got addicted to Great British Bake Off during this time and I legitimately used it as a comforting lifeline lol. Some people find it helpful to unwind by doing “nothing” (ie binge watching shows) and some find it helpful to do something that’s very different from work/your stressors (ie exercise, art, etc). I also found it helpful to journal a bit, just get some of those thoughts out of your brain so you’re ruminating on them less. Listening to music while I was doing work helped me stay focused.

        I wish I could give you more helpful advice, but truth be told it all just completely sucked for a while. And even when things were back to normal, the stress/anxiety stuck around for a lot longer. If you are able to seek mental health care over this, you will probably find it helpful (but things WILL get better with time)

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        1. bamcheeks*

          The year that my mum was terminally ill I played Tetris for five hours every night. There is a lot to be said for easy, repetitive, brain-comforting things when you’re going through stressful times!

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          1. Arrietty*

            Tetris has been shown to reduce the impact of traumatic events on mental wellbeing, and is actually a recommended intervention for people at risk of PTSD, so this was an excellent choice.

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      3. Observer*

        I’m not blaming anyone outside for not knowing how to interact with me, it was just a huge shock even though I intellectually was prepared for it.

        Someone I know put it this way, in the wake of another tragedy: “How does the sun just keep on rising and setting?” Like they *know* that that’s what happens, but still it just was surreal to them.

        You are literally in the eye of the storm aftermath. Even someone who has been through something similar will probably need to have stuff spelled out for them. Which will seem *really* weird to you because it’s just SO blindingly obvious from where you sit. But they aren’t there….

        I think that accepting that you are going to have this kind of cognitive dissonance is a mental energy saver, because then you don’t have to try to “fix” it.

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  8. beepbeep*

    I assume that you have some flexibility with what time of day you can get work done, would it be possible to get a pass on any meetings or things which require you to be on at a certain time of day? Since you say service and the rest are spotty and mentally not 100%, at least having the space to dictate your schedule without having to plan around others (while you’re already doing that with the rest of your community) could help.

    Also, is it possible to speak to whoever you work with, above or below, about what they would need from you at this time (bare minimum baseline)? If you worked in office and your working environment got destroyed, there’s only so much you can do. I don’t see why this is any different. Best of luck to you.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      I like the “bare minimum baseline” framework, and I think that successfully communicates just how devastating the storm was to people who aren’t seeing it first-hand. Thanks!

      Reply ↓
    2. Quinalla*

      Yes, I agree with this. Come to a minimum baseline that you can provide and work out with your boss if that means going part-time temporarily, having extremely flexible work hours but still full time, etc. and yes the logistics of how you can be available with the limits on bandwith and cell right now.

      This isn’t the same as COVID obviously, but similar in approach. We had people that requested to go part time temporarily as they had infants at home with no childcare available. I requested extremely flexible schedule as did many others as I had school aged kids that I needed to monitor/help with school during school hours. It was almost easier during COVID as all the typical office workers who were now WFH all got it. Even if folks were dealing with different challenges, there was an all in it together sense which you are missing here.

      I also set OoO on my calendar when I would be busy, I think the suggestion above to set a general OoO where you briefly explain your limited availability is a great idea. Make it clear to your direct reports how things will change temporarily.

      I would keep communication open on as things change or that yup things are still generally still the same crap situation as people will forget. It sucks, but it will happen and probably already is happening. Your OoO will hopefully help with that some.

      Reply ↓
  9. The Ginger Ginger*

    How consistent is the schedule of things you need to do like water runs, etc? Is that all at the same time every day? Assuming you haven’t already – Is there any way to let your work know what window you can be available for work each day/week? It’s not clear how structured your current arrangement is in your letter. But perhaps having it generally known at work that you are only available 10-3 Mon, Tues, Fri (or whatever) for the foreseeable future would take some stress off you, and make it easier for them to plan around you?

    Also, 2 months may not be possible, but could you get 2 weeks then come back to the abbreviated schedule? It’s going to be easier to get any major accommodations you need NOW when it’s fresh in the news cycle, than it will be later as coverage slacks off and people forget how long it truly takes to build things back.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      It’s really unpredictable, unfortunately. Like last week the public showers shut down before I could get there due to more-than-expected demand, and I’d been doing some relief work that exposed me to toxic mud the day before so I couldn’t exactly delay a shower, so I had to drive 45 minutes each way to get to a friend’s house with well water in the middle of the day. Yesterday my internet crashed and burned at 3 pm unexpectedly and I wasn’t able to work the rest of the day. Today, internet has been fine but the tree that fell on another tree that could fall on the house shifted in an alarming way so, we’re looking for a chainsaw. Basically nothing is working very well, so everything takes 5x longer than it should.

      Reply ↓
      1. merida*

        Oh OP I am so sorry. Please, please focus on yourself and surviving right now, not on work!

        If your employer gives you any pushback (hopefully they won’t) please send them that above paragraph about what it’s been like for you. Heck, even send them the link to this whole letter. If they push back it’s because they’re not understanding.

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        1. Your Oxford Comma*

          Great idea, sharing the link! That would be enlightening to the boss.

          OP, I hope you get some slack both in your life and your work. Big positive vibes to you from the Left Coast.

          Reply ↓
  10. French Toast*

    From another angle and building on Jane Bingley’s comment above: Is it possible to talk with co-workers and management about doing some triage on the *company’s* commitments as well? What absolutely must get done as originally planned, and which relationships have more room for scaling back the offering or grace for an extended timeline? Is there money in the budget for some short-term contract work (especially for remote roles) so that the work can be done by people outside the region and not so heavily impacted?

    This method makes more sense if some of your co-workers are also impacted, but may be relevant even if it’s just you.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      Interesting, I do think some money could be found to outsource some of my crucial responsibilities to contractors we have existing relationships with. That would be a pretty easy lift to manage. Thanks for the idea!

      Reply ↓
  11. Dawn*

    Is your company large enough for you to qualify for FMLA? Because you really sound like you need it. FMLA doesn’t apply to natural disaster recovery, but it would apply to physical or mental illness resulting from it, and it sounds from your letter like you may have hit that point. I’m not a doctor and I’m not going to armchair diagnose, but there are some telltale signs in your letter that you’re suffering from more than an expected amount of despondency post-disaster. Which is perfectly understandable!

    Anyway. I know that you’re working for a small business and it’s your busy season and your role is vital, but as we’re fond of saying on AAM, this sort of thing happens and your employer will survive; if you had been physically injured in the disaster, you’d be out of work now whether you wanted to be or not, and your employer would still have found a way to move forward.

    So. That’s my advice for you. See if you can take some leave to properly recover from this, and maybe share this letter with a medical professional while you’re at it. And I’m very sorry for your current circumstances.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      Thanks – unfortunately my established medical providers are all shut down for the foreseeable future and the logistics of getting documentation for FMLA are more than I’m up for. I know my company will figure it out, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be professional consequences for me. Which I’m mostly ok with but would prefer to minimize where I can.

      Reply ↓
      1. Dawn*

        I’m sorry to hear that; that’s really unfortunate that there would be professional consequences to you for having to recover from a natural disaster. One would hope that people would be more compassionate in the face of this sort of thing.

        Reply ↓
    2. Karstmama*

      My husband was in the hospital for 7 weeks this summer, 2 hours from where we live. I work for a big university hospital myself (but not the system he was at) and was *supposed to take PTO for all my FMLA*. As in, supposed to take 36 hours of it a week and totally spend it to zero which would have taken about three weeks then, I dunno, ask the birds to give me more PTO so his/our insurance was paid. This is a shitty system and I was only saved from this by our HR person who told me the rule, then told me I had to take enough to pay for the insurance (12 hours every 2 week pay period), then told me she never checks that people do this.

      Reply ↓
  12. learnedthehardway*

    I would talk to your manager and lay out what the logistics issues are that you are dealing with in very clear terms. Eg. if power or water is unlikely to be restored within 3 months, then it’s in your and their interests to let them know that you’ll need some extraordinary support. You might need a generator or satellite uplink for your computer. The company might be willing to provide those.

    Perhaps you can go down to part time, or have some of your duties re-allocated to someone else for a time (that might be the only way to accommodate both your need for income and your inability to deal with the logistics of your situation). OR, maybe your manager can take on managing your team for the time being and/or being the face person for client relationships, and let you focus on delivery work that you can do on your own schedule and without having to interact too much with other people.

    Perhaps you could negotiate to take vacation time as a block – which sucks but it would be one way to stay paid while not being active at work.

    I would personally ask that your performance review period not include the next couple of months, as you are dealing with circumstances far beyond your control.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      Ohhh I wonder if they’d cover a subscription for my sat phone so I could at least do essential calls when cell service is down. Great idea!

      And I also love the idea of asking for the next couple months to be caveated in my assessment; I think they’d go for it.

      Reply ↓
    2. Beth*

      One thing I’m seeing in this comment that I think is going to be a big deal for you, OP, is an attitude of looking at the next 1-3 months over the next 1-3 weeks.

      I think it’s safe to assume that your employer will accommodate what you need in the immediate short term. This is a major disaster situation with a lot of news coverage. Anyone with sense could guess that you’ll need a lot of flexibility and won’t be able to do your normal workload in the next few days, and anyone who’s thinking about it will understand that the next few weeks are likely to still be disrupted.

      But someone who isn’t living in your community, OP, might not have the context to understand that all of this won’t be fixed (or at least, patched up enough for life to start to get back to normal) in a month. I think it’s worth flagging both your logistical work needs (e.g. a generator, satellite internet access, re-allocating any duties that require tight turnaround times or on-camera presence) and also the timeline (this situation and its aftermath will seriously impact your day-to-day life for several months, you hope to slowly ramp up your work engagement over that period but expect that you’ll be working below your normal capacity throughout, you would like this period to be excluded from your performance review, you’d like to assign clear back-ups for each of your duties in case of unexpected disruptions, etc).

      Reply ↓
  13. In HR*

    Depending on your situation, it could be helpful to express that you and everyone in your community is experiencing trauma and you need some time to process to maintain your mental health.

    You need to consider how well resourced the company/organization is and your role. Since you are in a senior role, you are more likely able to get some extended lieu way. Think through what would help for the next two weeks. For example:

    Maybe you can you use vacation time in advance to take off for two weeks …. or work only three days a week for a couple of weeks.

    Maybe you can afford a short unpaid leave – say two weeks — and they will go along with it.

    Reply ↓
  14. Alexis Carrington Colby*

    No advice, but I’m so sorry you are going through this and my thoughts are with you.

    I went through the 2021 Texas storm, without power for 4 days and no water for 7, in the freezing cold and snow. Afterwards I think I was in a stupor and dazed for about a month. I worked remote so I think if I wasn’t on calls I was on my couch, not working (which isn’t great lol).

    Take care of yourself and don’t force yourself

    Reply ↓
  15. Goose*

    Hey LW. Things that have helped me:

    1. Don’t apologize (if this is your instinct) for your feelings. Have the conversation once with your boss, reports, etc. and let them know that while you may need to go off screen to cry or get distracted, they should follow your lead in how you react. This trauma will be on-going, and your reaction will be ever changing. Let yourself feel the feelings when they occur.
    2. That said, do your best to compartmentalize. Mute your phone when you need to, delete social media if the doom scrolling gets to you, unplug your TV when you need to buckle down and get work done. Take breaks for your mental health that are neither disaster relief or work. If it helps, put everything you’re doing at home on your work calendar so coworkers know you are getting water and comforting loved ones instead of calling you.
    3. If possible, give your co-workers concrete ways to assist. Direct them to local fundraisers. They are lost and uncomfortable and it can be helpful to hand-off their sympathy to larger ways they can give back so you don’t have to be their one connection to the disaster.

    More thoughts to come as I think of them.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      The “have the conversation once” thing is such a good point. It’s super unhelpful for everyone to constantly ask me if I’m ok – the last thing I want to do is try to explain what’s going on in a way that someone who isn’t living it can understand. It’s also this weird dichotomy – when I’m interacting with local family and friends, I truly am ok. There’s something about the shorthand we can all use with each other, the baseline understanding, that makes it so easy. I’m not gonna say there haven’t been tears, but there has been a lot more laughter and love even in the face of truly awful things. So while I’m functioning pretty much fine in my community/local life, I’m often caught off guard by how I react to things at work that suddenly feel so not-normal.

      Reply ↓
      1. Aspiring Chicken Lady*

        This is a good time to have a mouthpiece — one team member to whom you can give your personal updates to share with the others. “OP’s water’s still out, and they’re going to get the satellite link by the end of the week. Cash donations to the Red Cross and to XYZ Food Pantry are much appreciated.” Make sure everyone knows who to turn to for that info so you don’t have to shoulder that curiosity burden.

        And if you haven’t done the One Conversation yet, write down some notes. It’ll help control the conversation (and your brain fog) if you can say “Ok, I’ve got 5 bullet points that I need to get across with the clearest explanations I can come up with.”

        Reply ↓
      2. ThatGirl*

        Well, you sort of have a new temporary normal at home – it’s a disaster, things are awful, but you are truly all in it together trying to help each other get through the day and week. And then you have the “outside world” normal, with people who do not understand it and are certainly sympathetic but have other priorities. I can imagine that’s hard to shift between, and I can certainly understand not wanting to put yourself through the emotional wringer of “are you ok” every day.

        I don’t have much advice to offer, but I hope you can get the flexibility you need, please know my thoughts are with you and your community.

        Reply ↓
      3. Ally McBeal*

        A couple years before Covid, there was one particular instance of “white cop killing black man for no reason” that impacted my community hard. I had a black colleague who was basically peer level – we collaborated on projects frequently even though we had slightly different functions on the team – and I reached out to her privately, offering to take projects off her plate if she needed to just stare blankly out the window and dissociate for a while. She took me up on that a couple times with gratitude. Similarly, when the pandemic hit, our department was spared from furloughs but many of our coworkers were furloughed or laid off, so we had to take on some of their workloads and keep the balls in the air while it felt like the world was collapsing around us.

        I know it’s a little harder since you’re in leadership – it’s lonely at the top – but if you can identify one or two people you know to be sympathetic, please ask for help.

        Reply ↓
  16. Magpie*

    You might look into whether your employer offers an EAP that would help you find someone to talk to someone about what you’re going through. Having a safe place to dump all of your feelings might help with your focus and might make it a bit easier to face your workday.

    Reply ↓
  17. T.N.H*

    Please talk to a financial advisor before you do this, but you can draw from a retirement account after a FEMA-declared disaster. Taking a month or two off could allow you to maintain your high standards of work and professionalism thus maximizing your earning potential long term. Depending on your situation, it may be worth two months of expenses (you don’t have to withdraw your full salary).

    Reply ↓
    1. Legally Brunette*

      OP, I’m so sorry that you (and yours) are going through this right now. Please know that the world outside of your community cares very much!

      To piggyback on T.N.H.’s point, you might be able to ask your company’s HR to look at something like short term disability through Aflac. Although I’m more familiar with how it works for things like child birth at companies that don’t offer paid maternity leave, I know Aflac specifically can apply for mental health short term disability. You are very much allowed to care for yourself during this time, and maybe this is one pathway that can help you do that.

      Alison is fond of saying that if someone quit tomorrow, the company will need plans to get that work done. They will figure out busy season without you if you can find a way to take paid time – which might help you and the company be more effective in shorter order.

      Reply ↓
  18. ZSD*

    I’m not sure if you mentioned the annual evaluations because you have to evaluate your reports and that’s a lot of work or because you’re worried that your own evaluation will be lower due to your current mental state. If the latter, might you be able to negotiate to have your evaluation done now rather than next month? If your employer has said, “Just tell us what you need,” maybe they’d be open to doing that for you?
    Then maybe, even if you don’t have the possibility of taking two months off, could you take two weeks off completely? I realize that’s not enough to deal with your trauma, but it’s better than nothing.

    Reply ↓
  19. Llama Lover*

    I promise this is work-related if you read to the end. The first thought I had was like trying to function at the beginning of COVID in March 2020. I worked in healthcare communications, and I had to cut anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary from my whole life to be able to make it through work days. So friends who were bummed they couldn’t get a haircut or shop? Sorry, I’m losing hundreds of patients a week. Be gone. News that was nothing but doom? Be gone.

    Take a look at things like that in your life to see what you can cut to give yourself more mental energy. So news gets turned off except for the few minutes a day you check in for necessary updates. Friends who are doing better than you and yours have to find somewhere else to complain. Volunteering in recovery efforts? Very noble. Let someone else step up for a bit.

    Holding you in my thoughts. This is rough.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      Thanks for this – the parallel to COVID resonates strongly. I’ve for sure been scaling back on volunteering stuff and just doing the things that give me energy and resilience. I think you’re right that it’s time to turn off the national news updates; local news is genuinely helpful and informative but the national narrative is a mess and feels super disconnected to the experience on the ground.

      Reply ↓
  20. Jenn*

    I have been in a situation where a personal tragedy had a big spin-off effect at work.

    My primary lesson for you is that a workplace is people, so first of all, let your people – boss, subordinates – know that you are struggling but in the game. For subordinates this might look like “I am not as available for decision-making about XYZ; I trust your judgment on XY, can you flag Z for me?” or offloading some work temporarily – I gave a colleague a stretch opportunity to run a newsletter and she did great, and it was resume-building for her, as another example (I know it was okay as she followed me to another job.) For your boss, talk to them about making sure your performance is rated across the whole year.

    If you feel comfortable sharing your type of work, the collective might be able to brainstorm even better specifics.

    Second, you do need time. I know you can’t take two months off but can you work out a reduced schedule so that you can have a three-day weekend to deal with Apocalypse Shit? Yes, it is a terrible time at work – but it is a terrible terrible time for you!

    Third, if there are policies where flexibility would help – cameras off, on-call availability, etc. – ask for a temporary suspension of those policies.

    Fourth, can your company support you practically by sending you anything? I am really ignorant here about whether delivery is possible to your area but as a colleague I would ship you water and snacks so fast – like no-brainer.

    Finally…I hear the trauma and struggle in your post. I would like to remind you that /even in small business/ if you had been physically injured in this act of nature, the business would survive without you. Thank goodness you were not. But the future of this business cannot rest on you in general, and the short term productivity of business being impacted by this is just the price of small. It really is. I worked in a small business that never cancelled classes in 23 years. Well, over Covid we closed. But when we reopened, people got Covid and we did end up cancelling some classes. It hurt emotionally and financially but literally no one could open the door. That’s what happened. It informed future planning.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      The three day weekend for Apocalypse Shit made me laugh (and was honestly the most accurate expression of how this all feels that I’ve seen), thank you for that!

      Huh, I honestly have no clue if it’s possible to deliver right now. Haven’t seen an amazon truck since the storm, we’re getting regular mail from the post office, but not sure about packages. That seems worth figuring out! If our HR team wanted to mail me a few bottles of hand sanitizer, coffee filters, and disposable plates/forks/etc., that would save me a lot of driving around time.

      Reply ↓
      1. Slytherin Bookworm*

        I am probably only about an hour-ish south of you (based on the devastation you’re describing) and had the eye of the hurricane pretty much go right over my area. We weren’t hit nearly as hard as you, but the damage was incredibly widespread, and I was in mental “emergency mode” all last week. It takes so much more of a toll on you than you think it does, so give yourself grace when you inevitably break down and “snap”. That is a normal stress response and not a failure or something to be ashamed of. From someone who went through (a much smaller scale) of the same Apocalypse Shit, you have my deepest sympathy.

        For delivery knowledge – based on what I am seeing from the local folks coordinating helicopter supply deliveries to the more remote towns that were destroyed, Amazon is not able to get into many communities due to roads being destroyed, but since the USPS is still running, shipping things via USPS is the best way to get packages delivered. There are also several local helicopter pilots who are doing daily supply drops to remote towns that aren’t getting the supplies that are going to the larger cities like Asheville. If you are comfortable with connecting off AAM (or going through Alison?), I can see what I’m able to do locally to get your town added to the supply drop list if that is something that would be helpful to your area.

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      2. DisneyChannelThis*

        Shoot I wish we could just mail you those, I’ve got tons. I’m going to have to look into that, small scale care packages for affected people would be great for people outside the region who want to do more than donate money but can’t volunteer directly.

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  22. Momma Bear*

    I would at the very least look at what you can delegate to others, what can be put off until after the immediate aftermath is handled, and ask the company for greater flexibility when it comes to when you are online/available. Consider blocking out time on your calendar during the day so you can deal with your immediate needs for a part of the day without interruption. Or take a nap. Or whatever you need to get through the day. I’d tell people who may not know the situation that THAT is where you are dialing in from and while you are online, it doesn’t mean everything is “fine” for you or your community. Also, if you have the leave for it, consider taking some long weekends and really be off the clock for them. Loss of property, security, and life is not insignificant. If your inability to be 100% for a while tanks a business, then they have bigger problems than your workload.

    While you don’t want to make yourself disposable, I’ve seen time and again how not having a contingency plan hurts organizations – and people. If you get dinged on performance during this time, remind them that EVEN THOUGH you had a hurricane/flooding, you were still able to do x and y. Being remote sometimes means out of sight/out of mind, so find ways to humanize yourself with your company. Once you are through this, consider a Continuity of Operations Plan if there isn’t one.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      I like that framing to talk about performance -thanks for that suggestion! I’m not as worried about the business being in trouble as I am about personal-professional consequences (like, it would be cool if my annual raise were not heavily impacted by this mess).

      Reply ↓
  23. Evacuated*

    I’m so sorry. I was evacuated for a natural disaster recently which was similar but also different. One of the things that really helped me was putting up an out of office message that explained the situation and listed someone else to contact for non-“me-specific” requests. That helped re-route a lot of non-urgent things, and meant I didn’t have to explain the situation in every work call, since I was also WFH and my coworkers were not in the same situation. The feeling of irrelevance from the world at large that you mention was really hard on me and I really struggled talking about the situation with anyone unaffected, even though objectively I knew my coworkers did care. I’d also really recommend taking as much time as you can away from work completely, and encouraging any staff in a similar situation to do the same. Part time is a good option as well, but at least in the beginning it was really important to be with my community, and away from work, full time. Again, I am so sorry you are going through this.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      Thank you for sharing your experience! Your description of interacting with people outside your community pretty much perfectly mirrors my experience. It’s good to know I’m not alone in that.

      Reply ↓
      1. Evacuated*

        You’re absolutely not alone. I am usually extremely even keeled and found it infuriating to interact with anyone, no matter how well meaning. I assume that is a trauma response and I think by working remotely you’re in especially exposed. I would really encourage you to get some emotional support (maybe EAP or something?) if you can– I did not and wish I had!

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  24. Katie*

    My managers town has been destroyed by the hurricane and have just been giving her grace for not being around. Her house wasn’t damaged but the rest of her town was, so her energy has been on helping her town/extended family.

    My company has two programs that possibly your company has too:
    -PTO donation. They always have this but in disaster scenarios that make it much easier to give and (probably?) easier to receive
    -They are giving grants to those that have been majorly effected financially

    Perhaps your HR could let you know if they have these programs too.

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  25. Dust Bunny*

    For the record, I’m on the Gulf Coast. I personally am far enough inland that I’m unlikely to flood but a bunch of houses in my neighborhood just got destroyed by falling trees during TS Beryl. Sites I care about get creamed by hurricanes every few years and, yes, I have friends who have lost close relatives to storms (I don’t have extended family here).

    Don’t overextend yourself. It sounds like you’re doing a lot and I understand the impulse to Fix All This Right Now but you can’t do it and you’ll burn yourself out trying.

    Rather than seeing your job as an obstacle to all the other things you feel like you should be doing, use it as a sort of anchor of normality–I know I’m going to be OK when I know the roof didn’t peel off my place of work and I’ll have my nice, boring job to go back to once the roads are clear enough for me to get there. Doing whatever you do for a living is part of making life workable again for your community.

    News diet: Curate what needs your attention and what you can tune out. You know how bad it is; unless it’s going to be sort of personal you don’t need to hear it over and over again.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      Thanks for sharing your experience! There are certainly times when work is a nice escape to “normal,” and other times where it’s so not where my head is. One thing I’m looking into is whether any of our community wifi locations have running water and good enough internet to work from – it would honestly be a huge improvement to my quality of life if I could, like, pee inside (instead of in my backyard) during the work day.

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  26. Llellayena*

    Is this a situation where FMLA would be useful? I could see this as a mental health or caregiving issue requiring protected leave. I agree that a discussion with your manager or whoever at your company can re-delegate work is in order with a frank statement of what is still possible and what you can’t take on for now. For some companies, there may be disaster funds available for employees who lost homes or belongings or there may be vacation donation possibilities. I’m not sure if the internet and cell issues are solvable outside of the infrastructure repair that is probably going to take a while and may not have a timeline yet, but businesses hosting local hot spots or satellite internet might help if there are businesses large enough to support that? Maybe they could host “work tents” with internet and desks for people whose homes offices or workspaces are not usable? (I’m not asking that you reach out to organize this, but if you know people who work for large companies maybe they can suggest this?) Also, local medical infrastructure especially in insurance reporting is probably a mess and very slow so anything your company or others can do to push through insurance approvals or front insurance payments would likely be helpful. Many people will need medical attention in some fashion and delays in care due to slow reporting systems can make everything much worse.

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  28. Sending support*

    My workplace regularly supports staff in emergency situations as well as staff addressing personal situations. Here are some examples of support I’ve seen:
    – Access to an EARP (this can help with therapy access and logistical things like legal support and researching available services like pet boarding)
    – Payroll advances
    – Asking staff around the company to not bother you with things that don’t need your immediate attention (i.e., you don’t need to be included on all the company mass emails) and having someone triage the things that do need your attention
    – Extensions on deadlines (e.g. do reviews really need to be completed now without affecting raises?)
    – Even senior staff taking extended leave

    Having lived in western NC many years ago, this situation is heartbreaking and sending you and your community love.

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    1. OP*

      Ooo I really like the idea of removing me from mass emails. Our workplace culture is excessively email heavy, and seriously I don’t need to hear about cupcakes in the kitchen of the office six states away right now.

      Reply ↓
  29. TeamPottyMouth*

    Does your company offer paid volunteer time for community service projects? You may be able to spend company time volunteering w the Red Cross or United Way on the company’s behalf. That may make you feel less helpless in the midst of so much chaos.

    If they won’t go for that, perhaps you can at least bring up the possibility of extra donations toward your community’s needs, emphasizing w leadership that the donations are good PR, but also a good way for employees effected by the disaster to feel supported and acknowledged by their employer.

    Reply ↓
    1. Bruce*

      That sounds like a good suggestion. My company has a lot of volunteer related activities, but I’m not sure if they pay for disaster related volunteer work. If they don’t I’ll talk to HR about it, we don’t get hurricanes but earthquakes, fires and windstorms instead.

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    2. OP*

      We do! I took some of our volunteer leave last week but now a lot of orgs are turning volunteers away because so many folks have shown up. There have been offers from my company to make a donation if I can point them somewhere, but a lot of my trusted orgs have been inundated beyond capacity with donations and have shut their systems down temporarily so it’s more of a long game at this point.

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      1. Arrietty*

        This could be a specific thing to ask for – that they set a date six months or so down the line to come back to you about donating to a recovery fund of your choice.

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  30. Luna*

    Can you ask to work half time for a month? I once took two weeks of trauma leave after a horrible event. I was a zombie. It helped immensely. You are dealing with a very serious trauma response and need to catch your breath. Any amount of time off you think you can afford will help. I wish you the best.

    Reply ↓
    1. Sloanicota*

      I wonder if temporary part time would give OP enough funds; I know she says she can’t take unpaid leave. Note that my org has a minimum hours to stay on the insurance, so I have to work that amount, but it’s still less than 40 hours, which could help at least with expectations (including your own expectations for yourself).

      Reply ↓
      1. OP*

        Temporary part time could be worth considering! I might be able to make that work once my partner’s unemployment funds start coming in (their workplace was literally washed down the river during the storm).

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  31. Kate F.*

    Regarding connectivity would your company be willing to provide you with a satellite phone/link? Or could they put you up at an Air BnB that is in a safe area that would allow you to do remote work during a reduced work week (say 3.5 days) and still allow you to travel back to your home to work on the repairs? Sending the best for your recovery.

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    1. OP*

      The sat phone is a great idea! I have one but need a subscription so they’d probably be willing to pay for that. I do want to stay at home since my community has been such a vital source of mutual support and positive energy, but I’ll pass the AirBnB suggestion along to a friend who is dealing with a much less flexible company that expects her to be 100% back at work.

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  32. FlynnProvenza*

    This is likely uncharted territory for your employer– as it is for you! I would ask them to see if they could accommodate something akin to bereavement leave. You’ve really had the rug pulled out from under you, and need a quiet reset. You do seem like someone who puts the work first, and I would let them know that you are simply unable to do that right now, “Given my current circumstances, I cannot give my normal bandwidth, and I want to be proactive so nothing falls through the cracks.” That shows your commitment to them and to the work as well, while still being realistic. So much of stress lies with the unknown, so by putting things out there, it helps both sides.

    If you have a trusted coworker, manager, or subordinate that you are very comfortable with, perhaps you could have one session with them to go over everything that is on your plate and help you prioritize and reassign those items, so they are not lurking over you. It would be tiring, but once you do it, you’ll be done, and hopefully won’t have that anxiety lurking. Then you are also dealing with one “buddy” and not multiple coworkers and clients coming at you. Once it calms down a bit, you can meet with the “buddy” every 3 or 4 days for mutual updates. Good luck!

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  33. Funko Pops Day*

    I’m so sorry to you and your community. If there are any local resources that the AAM community can donate to, please let us know?

    In many ways, what you’re dealing with sounds like the experience of grief after a traumatic loss; if you have any reference points for how your company or others have dealt with that, it good be a good reference point for the kinds of things to ask for.

    I’d be as concrete as possible and overestimate the impact on your work– if you’re able to be more available/do more, let that be a pleasant surprise to your team. For me, that would mean telling my boss what projects/meetings I need to step entirely away from, and what parts of projects I need someone else to be responsible for. (E.g., “Here’s what i think I will need for the next 3 months until basic infrastructure is restored: I’m going to need Charles and Mabel to handle Project A without me. I won’t be on the client calls for Project B, so Oliver will need to manage those without me, but I can still sit in on the internal meetings if you think that’s helpful.” etc.) For me, after a traumatic loss, getting fixed stuff off my calendar was a huge help because it meant I could handle my workload as I was able (unpredictably and erratically)

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  34. ES_APG_DOO*

    I’m also impacted though not boots on the ground; I work remotely from a different state though my team is all in the same place (this water situation is a hot mess) and all our family is in the more rural counties (some may not have power restored for another month). No really advice, just commiseration. This really sucks.

    Reply ↓
    1. OP*

      Yuck, I hope your family members are safe! I’ve been working with some of the folks in Poplar/Erwin, the Green River Cove, and some of the more isolated parts of the Marshall area and it’s pretty rough out there. Super grateful for the helicopter pilots who were able to reach some of those spots and get supplies in before the state or FEMA could get there. If you know anyone who needs propane, flashlights/batteries, pop-top cans/can openers, or other coping tools for long-term power outages, feel free to add a comment about where to direct that stuff; I’m in touch with a few places that are inundated with supplies they haven’t been able to distribute.

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  35. Michael*

    Would it be possible to tell your team, “You can reach out to me from 8-9 for yes or no questions. Anything more complex will need to be emailed. If it needs an answer in less than 48 hours, please loop in X who can offer backup in my absence. Otherwise, I plan on looking at email in the evenings after business hours when I have capacity.”

    It would free up your day when resources, water lines, etc are available and hopefully remove any guilt of not working during the day and let you focus on the day to day without interruptions.

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  36. Not your trauma bucket*

    My town got hit bad in 2018, and I was already dealing with a series of set backs before that. I was lucky that my leadership was *outstanding*. They checked on me frequently, told me to take the time I needed, didn’t even think about charging PTO for the time I was out for the storm.
    For specific advice: don’t be a hero. This stuff is deeply traumatic. Lean on your colleagues and let them help. Unless they’re complete glassbowls, they’ll be eager to jump in and take some weight off of you. Also give your bosses a chance to do the right thing. Ask about reduced hours/flexible hours/reduced workload. If you have an idea of what kind of work is easiest/hardest for you while you’re in this state, ask about temporarily reassigning some work. It’s ok. Asking isn’t demanding, if they’re jerks about it, then you’ve learned that it’s time to move on when you’ve recovered enough.
    Sending you healing and comfort. Those of us who live in areas that get hit more often are pulling for you, and we’re rallying to send as much care and help as we can. Your communities have done that for us for years, and we’re eager to repay the kindness.

    Reply ↓
    1. Rex T*

      Echoing this!!! “Sending you healing and comfort. Those of us who live in areas that get hit more often are pulling for you, and we’re rallying to send as much care and help as we can. Your communities have done that for us for years, and we’re eager to repay the kindness.”

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  37. Bee*

    I lived in Manhattan during Sandy, and while I fortunately lived far enough uptown that my home wasn’t affected at all, my office was in the Financial District and had no power for a week and no internet for six weeks while the whole lower part of the island was rewired. As a small, email-based business, this was a big problem: I could answer emails at home but had no way to remotely access our server, and in the office I could handle documents but not send them anywhere, so there was very little of my job that I could do. My boss and I wound up just sort of deciding that there was no way for things to function as normal, we would do what we could and convey the limits to our clients, and they would just have to deal with it until the things that were out of our hands were resolved. So my recommendation would be to just be totally frank with your manager that you are physically and technologically incapable of performing up to your usual standard, you will do what you can and communicate with them regularly about what’s getting done and what’s not, and when things improve you will be able to take more back onto your plate.

    This does depend on your manager/company being reasonable human beings, but I personally cannot imagine expecting someone who told me they would not have running water for the foreseeable future to do more than one task a day.

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  38. Strive to Excel*

    Do you have any HR people at your workplace you would be comfortable with? This is a really good time to see what your EA and/or employee benefits package has to offer. We often are familiar with the common parts of the package but not the wide spread of small things the EA may have. I know that HR people are not always in the best view but a good HR person will be happy to work with a good employee to make the best use of the offered benefits package, and will help you look through the plans so you don’t have to do all the executive function planning. Even if your company doesn’t have something specifically useful, a lot of EA plans offer some access to counselors and/or other support with executive function challenges.

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    1. Elder Millenial*

      Yes this! Or have your manager go to HR and ask for you and they can relay to you your options. Let them know what you need to get thru the next weeks/months.

      Also, can you have someone read thru your e-mails and weed out anything you don’t need to see so that you can just read the important stuff when you are able to log-in? Sifting thru e-mails may zap your energy for the day and then you don’t end up doing anything productive.

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  39. Kim*

    You may qualify for short-term disability leave for mental health reasons. Check your company’s policies and talk to your doctor about supporting your claim. Also look into your company’s EAP for any services that may help you. Take care of yourself.

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  40. Aggretsuko*

    Crucial question here: is OP the ONLY one at work affected by this, or is everyone else having the same no-water, town-in-ruins experience? Because if everyone’s having the same issues, optimally the employer may need to make allowances for everyone because nobody’s gonna be in work mode. Whereas if OP is the only one struggling, maybe OP could just go on leave for awhile. But if everyone’s dealing with mess, the business may just have to take a backseat for awhile for all.

    Reply ↓
    1. Strive to Excel*

      It sounds like most of OP’s company hasn’t been hit by the hurricane. The letter mentions other people who need to negotiate with perhaps less reasonable employers, which doesn’t sound like OP’s company.

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  41. Aaron Read*

    The two things that come immediately to my mind are:

    1. Look into whatever Family/Medical Leave Act (FMLA) benefits your company offers and/or your state requires. It may be the state you’re in or the state the company is based in, I’m not sure.

    Related: this site may be helpful in giving you information about what the US Dep’t of Labor expects/requires employers to provide for employees during natural disasters.

    https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/compliance-assistance/toolkits/natural-disaster

    And that brings me to the more important thing…

    2. Don’t go through this alone. You are (almost certainly) experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s quite common amongst those who live through natural disasters like this. In fact, it’s normal – and almost certainly the vast majority of people you’re seeing each day are going through it as well. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is not something you should ignore and try to “tough it out.”

    If you have access to a therapist already, talk to them. And talk to them about potentially seeing a therapist who specializes in PTSD treatment. Talk to them about seeing a psychiatrist, too – not just a psychologist or a social worker. There are lots of really fabulous prescription drugs out there that can very likely help you A LOT. They won’t magically make the world better, but they can help a great deal about making it FEEL less gawdawful shitty all the time. (psychiatrists can prescribe medication, psychologists and social workers cannot, but they can help you find a good psychiatrist)

    If you don’t have a therapist already, talk to someone you’re close to (spouse, parent, close friend, pastor/priest, coach, etc) about helping you find one. Preferably someone not in the same physical area since they’re likely experiencing the same trauma reaction, but really ANYONE you can trust is helpful here. Again, right now you almost certainly have PTSD; by definition your perspectives are skewed. Having a trusted voice to help guide you and validate your feelings about whether a given therapist is helpful or not is really important.

    And if you don’t have that, go to the nearest disaster relief center and just ask folks working/volunteering there about getting mental health assistance. Eventually you’ll find someone who can guide you to the right place. Or, if you feel like even that’s too much? (and that’s OK if you do!!!) I’m going to quote this direct from FEMA’s website:

    “The Disaster Distress Helpline (DDH) is a 24/7, year-round, confidential, multi-lingual crisis counseling and emotional support resource for survivors, responders, and anyone in the U.S. struggling with distress or other mental health concerns related to any natural or human-caused disaster. You can call or text 800-985-5990 to connect with a trained mental health professional.”

    https://www.fema.gov/disaster/recover/faq
    (filter by “Emotional & Spiritual Care”)

    You are not alone. How you feel is real, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

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  42. nee: email settings*

    For the time off, can you see if your employer would advance you a certain amount of leave for you to then pay back over time, via the leave you would otherwise accrue? That’s something we can do at my federal agency. Obviously the scale is different but that could buy you some time, literally.

    And then I echo what others have said about having a direct conversation with your boss, being clear that you’re needing your employees to bring you more complete work (that will require less of your involvement rather than just your sign-off), trying flexible work hours, seeing if there could be a temp brought on at a lower level to support the higher level people needing to do more.

    Also, consider taking your leave intermittently rather than in a big chunk. IDK if you’d prefer one way or the other.

    Finally, do you want to consider updating your email signature/Teams status? Maybe to something like “I am dealing with continued personal challenges from Hurricane Helene, including no running water and spotty internet. I am doing my best to keep up with work but I appreciate your patience.” This would remind people that it’s very much not over for you.

    And my sympathies–I work with a bunch of people who were devastated by Hurricane Maria in PR, and it’s a very long fallout.

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  43. It's me, hi, I'm the comments, it's me*

    The two things I can think of that haven’t been suggested:

    *Ask your manager if your upcoming annual review can be based on the ~10 months before the hurricane and not include the time since. I don’t know how much this is possible given the metrics that you use, but it seems pretty fair, considering that you are pushing through an incredibly tough situation for the company’s sake instead of taking some sort of personal leave.

    *Is there someone you trust, who you can ask to be completely honest with you? Tell them that you’re doing your best, but you know that you’re being short and snapping sometimes, and that’s going to continue happening to some degree. But you need them to let you know if you’re crossing a line or burning through goodwill. Basically, a lot of people are going to give you some leeway under the current circumstances, and I think it will be easier for you to accept the grace that people are offering if you also know that, if that ever runs out, someone will tell you.

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  44. Museum Witch*

    We had a similar thing happen where the Executive Director of our very small (2 person) organization got injured during a very busy time. We simply couldn’t shift deadlines and there was no money to hire replacements. She was able to work part-time (maybe 50%). What got us through was:
    – Take an initial short time off (i.e., 1-2 weeks). You need to recoup yourself mentally and your organization should have at least a minor “hit by a bus” contingency plan. Also, people will understand “Jane got hit by a bus and is away for two weeks, get back to us after that” more than “Jane’s at 50% the next month” and it’ll force people to acknowledge your hardship.
    – Quantify and tell people about the constraints on your time (waiting for water, making deliveries, etc.). People likely have no idea and it’ll help have honest conversations about realistic expectations.
    – Identify your current capacity and tell your employer. This could be on the day or week level. It’s easier for them to come up with a plan if they know you can only do 50% of your normal workload than if it’s a moving target. Check in regularly about where your capacity is at.
    – Triage every existing and incoming thing as either has to be done by you, can be done by someone else, can happen later, can happen in an amended way, or can be scrapped entirely.
    – Hand off and/or amend as many responsibilities as possible. Maybe you still have to do the assessments, but they can be done entirely by email and in point form. Maybe someone else can put the finishing touches on reports you dictated over the phone. Look to trim, not eliminate; people are more receptive to letting polish go or being a bit flexible than to totally rearrange things.
    – Since you mention only being able to do one “big” thing a day; define what is a big thing and ask to only have 1/day. This is a really good tangible thing to ask for.
    So sorry this has happened and hope you’re able to find a way through.

    Reply ↓
    1. Filthy Vulgar Mercenary*

      I agree with giving people the practical picture regarding waiting for water and the toxic mud and shower and the other dire aspects of the situation – I’ve found people give more leeway when they can picture the situation in such detail.

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    2. ariel*

      I’d also think about time off – would one day a week away from work be helpful? Or maybe shortened work days (for the one thing)? Ask for that. I think it’s clear WNC has a lot of recovery time coming to it, so building in a new flexible schedule for the forseeable future – to visit in three months maybe – would help me feel like I was doing what I promised to do at work, and also give me time to get water / go to therapy / cry in a pillow / help friends.

      For folks with less flexible bosses – ugh, so frustrating. In that case, I might try to go FMLA for mental health / family care, or take a big chunk of PTO if they are able. And just be relentless clear with messaging, planning, and of course documentation what they are able to do and what they aren’t able to do, and why – “it’s my day to go get water,” “my family has this need and right now it takes 2 hours to get there,” etc. Unfortunately, disasters are out of sight out of mind and I know even as an unaffected North Carolinian I’m finding it hard to know the best ways to support and be mindful of what my friends to the west might need.

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  45. I just really can’t think of a name*

    FEMA’s website links to the Disaster Distress Helpline, which provides “confidential counseling, referrals and other support, 24 hours a day, seven days a week”. I have no personal experience with it, but I wonder if their counselors can help you coordinate things like benefits to which you’re entitled (but don’t have bandwidth to research), language to use with your boss, FMLA protected leave, etc.
    https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/disaster-distress-helpline

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  46. MKL*

    Temporarily dropping down your hours seems like it could really help here – giving you a few hours of work and a few hours of (extreme) surviving admin.

    If you phrase it as “I only have about 3-4 hours a day that I can bring my best self to work, plus I’m needing to find time to queue for water(!) during daylight hours, so could it be possible for me to long on from 8-11 (or whatever) for the next few weeks, but be able to be reached by phone in the afternoon if needed?

    That seems like it might tick boxes on all accounts. I am not in the US so have no idea how amenable an employer might be to that, whether it would affect your insurance, etc.

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  47. Person from the Resume*

    I’ve lived in New Orleans for 9 years and I am very lucky to not have to deal with extreme examples. My biggest piece of luck was I left for a planned vacation the day before Hurricane Ida arrived and I returned home a week later a few hours after power was restored so that was regular PTO for me.

    Give yourself grace. Mentally maybe you need to not work. I can’t imagine how you are capable of a full days when you have no running water (and likely won’t for weeks), cell service is spotty, WiFi access is inconsistent, waiting in long lines to get drinking water, supply runs for isolated friends.

    You have eliminated a lot of the options. If you really want try to continue working full time, you could relocate and work from hotel room, Air B&B, friend’s house.

    If you remain in a place with spotty internet, cell service, and waiting in lines for water, you cannot be expected to work a full day. If a coworker suffered trauma and loss, you would allow them the grace to work at less than 100% capacity.

    I think you need to decide on the amount of work you can do per day. Be realistic, if you don’t have regular utilities and infrastructure normal work could be nearly impossible from home. Be realistic about how much you can do. For example if you can work 4 hours a day make a plan with your boss about what you can do and what work you need to transfer to someone else for the duration of your PT schedule.

    I think you need to forget about upcoming performance assessments and assume/hope that you’re judge on what you accomplished before you were hit by a natural disaster.

    I’m not sure about the other part. I work for the federal government; we get generous amounts of leave. One thing they say is if we can work during a “snow day” we have to and don’t give leave. They accommodate a type of leave for disaster, but I don’t think it lasts for months on end. At some point you need to figure out how to work either from some place else (if there’s still no power or internet at your home) or take regular PTO.

    Stingy companies. Companies without generous PTO policies. Small companies. Companies that are small and simply cannot afford to pay an employee who cannot work for months … I’m not sure what you can do. Find out the maximum PTO allowed, see if you can take unpaid Time Off, see if PTO can be donated from colleagues. Temporarily relocate somewhere where you can work from since you need money from a job to help rebuild your life.

    Give yourself grace. Count on your reputation and understanding from your bosses and colleagues that you are going through something right now and are not 100%.

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  48. Hyaline*

    You are 100% correct that people outside the region really have no clue what’s going on unless they’re very involved hunting down that information themselves–I only am aware because I have friends in the area (and had to explain several times to others why it’s not “over” yet even though the waters have receded). So–assume your manager is likewise clueless, and even though it takes emotional labor on your part, consider it an investment long-term to explain why your usual work will take longer, why you cannot accommodate new requests, or how it’s going to be more difficult to navigate typical processes.

    I’m taking you at your word that taking unpaid time is just not an option. So–I think do whatever you can do redirect unnecessary tasks and prioritize what your employer needs. Try to be honest with yourself so you can be honest with your employer about what you can reasonably get done in a given day/week/whatever make sense, and then communicate that. Ask for clear, specific priorities that are manageable (“I can finish either the Monthly Report or develop the new proposal; I cannot do both. Which should I focus on?”) It sounds like having people who report to you temporarily report to someone else might make sense, or asking them to email rather than call so you don’t have to redirect bandwidth if it’s necessary they talk to you, or whatever you find less taxing.

    And maybe take a couple days off after working up the bandwidth to hash all this out and communicate it–that’s hard work.

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  49. Nicole*

    Given the small-business nature, folks might be up for creativity. Could you take any sick leave you’ve accumulated and could others perhaps donate leave to you and others who might be similarly affected?

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  50. Carrots*

    A well-functioning organization does not need everyone to be doing A-level work 100% of the time. B-level work is actually completely acceptable and even NECESSARY in order to produce A-level work on the highest priority items. And in times of illness, crisis, etc., C-level work gets the job done just fine.

    In a nutshell: Just try to average a B- over the next two months. Throw perfection out the window.

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    2. OP*

      I’m not a perfectionist on my best days, so C-level is about what I’ve got right now. Or maybe more like D+…but hey, it’s still passing, right?

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  51. Somehow I Manage*

    OP, I’m sending you all the best wishes.

    I’d talk to your boss. While sometimes we suggest not disclosing things, this is a time that you could probably benefit by disclosing some anxiety around all the things. Then maybe you and they can determine how to prioritize things. Can you both talk about things that others on your team can handle? Are there things you can do sporadically as you have service, or that can be done offline and sent back to home office later?

    And then I saw your comment above about emailing just simple yes or no. Knowing that cell service can be spotty and wifi unreliable, is there one person on your team you and boss can deputize to be your point of contact? You and that person can touch base a couple of specific times each day on the phone or camera-less Teams and you can provide additional answers and support.

    But bring this to your boss. This is a situation that is unique, but not unlike other scenarios that could happen at some point to others – medical emergency, fire, etc.

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    1. atalanta0jess*

      Yes, I wondered this too – is there someone who can even triage your emails for you and redirect as many as possible, and help prioritize the others?

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  52. Bookworm*

    Specifically ask if your company would be willing to pay for a Starlink terminal and service. Personal use (aka not for a business) plan is $120ish a month. Not sure what the cost for the terminal itself is.

    As for spotty cell service, if you have an iPhone 14 or newer with iOS 18 downloaded, you can text via satellite. Just google for details.

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  53. Forrest Gumption*

    When I went through hurricanes Irma and Maria in Florida in 2017, with a remote boss who didn’t understand the mental and physical trauma and how severely it impacted my day-to-day life, the thing that worked for me was having a come-to-Jesus talk with her. I scheduled a one-on-one minute meeting, and explained the situation on the ground in DETAIL. It took a while, but I managed to show her that this was an unprecedented type of emergency and that there was no playbook for what recovery would look like. Therefore, we would have to work together to find a way forward where I could get what I needed, while the business (mostly) got what it needed. We ended up going with a part-time schedule with reduced pay for a few weeks until things started to get back to “normal.” If she hadn’t been a fairly understanding and flexible person, I don’t know what I would’ve done. But I like to think that our conversation (with all the gory details about how utterly disruptive the hurricanes were to the entire community) was the key.

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    1. OP*

      That is definitely worth considering! I have a bunch of photos of the highway collapses/landslides, the water line situation, the buildings less than a mile from my home that were completely underwater (including some video footage of a house literally floating down the street I used to drive every day and pinning on a bridge pylon), and some of the toxic sludge we dug out of the creek behind my house (don’t worry I’m on a trained crew that knows what we’re doing with biohazards). I thought about sharing that and some of the posts from the county government about the water situation etc. so my manager would understand what I’m seeing every day.

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  54. Chairman of the Bored*

    I am in a very similar post-Helene situation as the LW, as is my spouse.

    Our plan to manage this is focused on setting *realistic* expectations for the people we work with.

    That is, we have explicitly told our colleagues that we’ll do what we can when we can but there will be days that work is not our #1 priority – or even our #5 priority.

    They should expect delays, day-by-day changes in our availability, dropped calls due to infrastructure problems, etc; and this will likely be the case for weeks or months.

    We figure it’s better to have conversations about this now when we can pick more favorable timing/circumstances than deal with it in the moment when the situation is perhaps already contentious or difficult.

    There’s nothing we can say or do that will make an colleague OK with the reality of our situation if they are otherwise not going to be, so our target for this sort of message is the ~90% of them that are reasonable.

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  55. Princess Pumpkin Spice*

    OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s truly a devastating thing.

    With regards to work only – would it be possible to work some kind of split shift temporarily? I know for me, when BIG THINGS are happening, I can work in small bursts but not marathons. If your role isn’t customer facing, maybe you could work your 8 hours in chunks. 7a – 9am, break until noon to get supplies. 12p-3p, then break til 4 to get eat something. 4pm – 7pm, to wrap up and reset for the next day. That way if you have internet issues, you can maybe shift your breakaway times accordingly. Or, if you need to run out ASAP, there’s flexibility. It may also help you get more tasks complete, if you think of work “chunks” instead of “this day is long and overwhelming and its all too much.”

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts, OP. Good luck.

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  56. Magnolia woods*

    “What feels like irrelevance (or even unawareness) to everyone outside the region.”

    I’m from Louisiana and this feeling is so real. My advice from experience limit time on social media and media in general. In the end it doesn’t matter what someone you’ll never meet is saying or not saying. Focus on loved ones. Most important prioritize self care. I know it’s the 1st thing to go by the wayside. Thinking about the scale or future is overwhelming. Focus on what’s the most important thing I need to do today. Everything else will come in time.

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    1. OP*

      Yeah social media from the rest of the world is kind of insane right now. The amount of falsehoods and politicizing that are being spread around by people who aren’t here… the good news is the social media response of local folks has been incredible, and that’s what 99% of my feed is.

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  57. Just another commenter*

    It seems like the review is adding to your stress. Can you talk with your manager about moving it back 2-4 months? I feel like with a small company you might have more leeway.

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  58. Filthy Vulgar Mercenary*

    One thing that helps me is when I am working (or thinking about how I should be working) is to notice what I’m feeling toward myself or toward my work, and seeing if I can introduce ease around any of that.

    For example, if I’m beating up on myself about the fact that I can’t seem to get started – I say ‘you’re going through a lot, can you take a breath? You don’t have to do the whole thing, but can you hit the on button on your laptop and see how you feel about that?’

    Basically just introducing ease into your process and (ruthlessly) getting rid of any shoulding on yourself.

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  59. Ceanothus*

    If you are senior, and you can afford/manage it, and it’s something your company truly needs, you might want to commit to a point a couple of weeks down the line where you’ll travel to somewhere that isn’t in the path of the storm and work from somewhere with reliable power, wifi, and supplies for a week — it wouldn’t be ideal, but once the first round of recovery has passed it’s reasonable to give yourself a moment to orient.

    I might also compile a document of issues you’ve encountered and some things that worked to address them (with your copious free time!) and talk to your management about having a policy/plan in place for other people who encounter natural disasters.

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    1. OP*

      Definitely trying to get one- or two-night breaks from the chaos, but we’re prioritizing weekends so we can do things we enjoy during that time instead of working. (Sadly my main hobby is on indefinite pause, so we’re trying to head to safer places to enjoy that hobby when we can.)

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  60. Blue Ridge Kid*

    Well, if you work remotely then chances are your company culture stems from a major coastal city and embraces the sort of ethic where results must be delivered come hell or high water—and you are kind of dealing with hell AND high water! So first I want to say, remember that in another culture (like the one you probably reside in!), one where we say we will do things “God willing and the crick don’t rise,” when the cricks do rise, we give each other grace…all to say, I hope you do not stress too much for the sake of your company’s culture. If they are overly results-driven, work with them but inwardly look at it like an anthropologist and think to yourself, “what a curious approach to life!”

    Anyway, since you need to keep the job… :)
    If possible, set defined tasks/outcomes for each day or week with your own manager, defining them so they are clearly “done” or “not done.” It is great that you can accomplish one thing a day!! Tell them that and ask them to prioritize what that one thing a day will be, or to OK how you have prioritized. That way they know you will come through on what they MOST need—and you can avoid adding to your stress by wondering if you have done enough.

    Can you work a reduced or flexible schedule, maybe 4 days a week for now, so you can go offline for days at a time and focus on recovery? (Could look like 4 days/week with longer hours those days, or 4 normal days/week using personal time the 5th day.)

    If subordinates report to you, ask if your company’s “support” can involve others temporarily stepping in as their manager and temporarily shifting chain of command. If your internet and phone access is spotty, you can make the argument that due to circumstances wholly outside your control (infrastructure, and an understaffed federal emegency response agency!), it is not fair to them or efficient for their work to remain reliant on you during this time. This doesn’t even need to be about you recovering from a disaster; this is you as a leader thinking about what your people need to do their best work during busy season.

    If your bandwidth will be limited for many months, and you are concerned about eventual performance reviews, is there one (small!!) thing you can accomplish before then that you can realistically do, and where you will shine? Like, give one excellent presentation. Just pick one thing your company/boss will care about and do that one well. Think best case scenario. Assuming they are on your side, that gives them something to point to to say, “wow—this is the quality you bring—I know you couldn’t do it all for the past few months, but you clearly still have that ‘it’ factor and I am recommending you for promotion/bonus”.

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  61. Rex T*

    Can you harness the goodwill of your company and colleagues to hold a fundraiser? I would be happy to donate to a good cause that is connected to someone I know. This way you can take some comfort in the fact that a group you influence has contributed to aiding your community. Note I’m not only referring to soliciting donations from your team members (regular readers know why) but ask your company to do broader outreach to the area their headquartered in, vendors, consultants, etc. The idea is you ask your employer THEY do the work to run it as you don’t need anything else on your plate!

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    1. OP*

      The company has offered to make a donation, but figuring out where to send it is more than I can commit to at the moment (a lot of our trusted local orgs are maxed out/can’t absorb any more resources in the short term). I’ve asked them to sit on the money for a few weeks because there will be a lot of long-term needs after the immediate energy subsides.

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  62. Lbkwrm*

    Things that helped me work remotely while triaging a life encompassing event (though not a natural disaster): establishing that I didn’t have the bandwidth to talk about the details of my situation, providing need to know updates to my manager only and asking him to relay information to the team, getting permission to drop from calls/meetings as needed to take care of urgently arising issues, and prioritizing the tiny moments of peace I could find over the job. I mentally shifted all the day-to-day triage of what was going on to being part of my “job”.

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  63. Hurricane Harvey Survivor*

    Hey there, OP.
    Been there, done that. I’m also in a senior role and have worked remotely since 2015. When Harvey hit in 2017, we lost everything. We were fortunate that we evacuated before the second wave of flooding happened (read about the ‘released bayous’) but the house and everything in it was toast.
    The only thing I could do is tell my boss, “I don’t know when I can work again.”
    My company was very understanding. They gave me four weeks paid leave and my co-workers donated about $2K that went to immediate needs like hotel, food, and clothing. While we were insured and FEMA and Red Cross were on the ground, there are just some things you need right away and the trauma of it all can mess with your decision making.

    Please take time for yourself and be kind to yourself. If you can, see if you boss will allow you to take some leave, whether company granted or FMLA. (Mental stress/mental health is allowed!)

    Do know that it will get better.

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  64. JPalmer*

    I think taking leave is a reasonable step, especially when you frame this not as something that reflects upon you as a candidate.

    Rough draft:

    “Unfortunately, I think the best path forward is for me to take a leave of absence. Physically, my home and my body are fine. But when viewed on a community basis, everyone I know has lost everything, dealing with the aftermath of the hurricane eats up large portion of my time. I feel mentally drained and I know it will negatively affect my work output and other’s perception of me. This is not a type of emergency we plan for, none of this was my choice. What is my choice, our choice, is how we want to respond to it. I think the best course of action would be to step away from work for a brief period, I enjoy working here and would love to be back at my best, but need to focus on responding to the unprecedented disaster and don’t want this to turn into a source of burnout.”

    Alternatively, you could ask to work reduced hours, so things don’t fall through the cracks, focusing on delegating and training the non-senior work items.

    You are risking burnout if you keep working. You’re either going to do damage to your social reputation or feel slighted if they perceive you negatively when your entire community got obliterated and you reasonably feel not okay with it.

    Your workplace has a choice and any smart workplace knows that giving you two to three weeks off is WAY cheaper than replacing you if you burnout or stop caring about work. Lets say your workplace gives you three weeks off and you spend those three weeks getting back okay. You will feel immensely grateful and appreciative. That will translate into positive interactions with your coworkers and higher productivity. The only reasons they will say no is they are stupid or they’ve over leveraged themselves.

    It’s also worth suggesting to workplaces ‘I would like a paid leave of absence for X weeks and I will take Y Time of my own vacation time’. This wasn’t a planned thing for either party, and this says that you’re giving something up as well and not solely leaning on the job. This is about making it more palatable.

    I hope this helps and that your community recovers. This really sucks.

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  65. WondHRland*

    For the logistics of working, could your company provide you with a portable hot spot, so that your ability to log into systems is more consistent?

    Could you arrange to work PT, only on critical matters for a couple of weeks? Can they arrange a consultant or temp (in another part of the country unaffected by the hurricanes) to temporarily pick up some slack?

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  66. Honeycocoa*

    I am so sorry. I lived very close to the epicenter of the Loma Prieta Earthquake, in 1989. It was useful to have a couple brief concrete examples of what was going on – my disaster cliches- so I could update people without getting overwhelmed. “We were able to recover most client files when they demolished the building, we have aftershocks every single day, all my kitchen cabinets are taped closed with duct tape”
    Just a couple clear facts. The weather may have changed but the disaster is still happening. I encourage you and yours to do what you can to focus on basic self care. Distracted people forget their meds, fall down stairs and run through stop signs pretty easily. Take good care, I’m so sorry.

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  67. IwishIcouldthinkofaname*

    To minimise the bandwidth, maybe move as much as possible to email? I use Outlook, so my mail gets downloaded onto my laptop – if you can do that, and write up anything you are doing in one or more emails to be sent when you are on-line, then maybe you can work mostly off-line and send and receive as and when you can (power, water supplies, trees and other phenomena permitting). If you need a meeting – ask them to put it in an email as well or instead. Send things out as and when you can, remembering that both you and the internet have to have the energy to work.

    And a suggestion for anyone who has colleagues in any of the afflicted areas – share this thread to people outside the area so they can gat an idea of what it is like, and support people who need it.

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  68. His Grace*

    Are you under any hard deadlines at work? Maybe one of them can get extended.
    Also, can you put in for emergency leave?

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  69. Elliot*

    Ugh, I am so sorry you’re going through this.

    I think the key with remote work all the time, but especially when you’re struggling, is communication. Is your company/manager the type where you could basically say what you wrote here? If I were managing an employee going through this, I would not know what they needed and would appreciate them laying this all out.

    I’d also gently suggest asking for some help in delegating some of your tasks temporarily. I know you wrote that you’re senior, and you not being able to focus has real business implications. Try to think though – if you had lost your home and still couldn’t work, or had been seriously injured, or were otherwise unable to work – would your small company cease to exist? Or would they find someone who could help take on your tasks? The company can find ways to lighten your load and fill gaps. I think the biggest thing is that you need to communicate exactly where you are, and make the ask.

    Again, so sorry this is what your life looks like right now.

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  70. Anon for this one*

    I am from Santa Rosa, CA and considering today is the 7-year anniversary of our fires (Tubbs and Nuns) this is a very poignant question today. While there are different issues with wildfires than with hurricanes, there’s one thing that was really hard for me that I think it’s important to acknowledge. People from outside the region WILL NOT GET IT. It is beyond frustrating. I still see horrible comments on photos of things that happened because people had less than a minute to flee and Someone On The Internet thinks they could have done it better. It sucks, but it’s not super effective to try to convince people of how bad things are if they’re determined not to believe it. Look for the emotional support within your own community rather than outside it. I did not do that and it was to the detriment of my mental health.

    Be realistic about what you can and cannot do right now. You don’t have to do everything. Communicating with management about practicalities (i.e., no running water = I need time during the day to replenish our drinking water) can be much more effective than talking about the emotional toll of things if folks don’t get it. Ask for protected time (outside of PTO) to do things like that, or to attend town meetings about what happened, talking to your insurance company, etc.

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  71. Anon-e-Mouse*

    1. Even if it’s not realistic for you immediately, consider the possibility of arranging to work remotely (or even from a company location) that is not affected by the hurricane, for a week or two, and either for a crunch period in your work or as respite after what you’ve gone through. (Ask if the company would consider covering part of the cost, if the relocation relates to a critical work period.)

    2. Ask the company to consider, as a wider initiative, helping employees in higher risk areas purchase equipment that will help them operate if affected by weather events. This would be similar to what some companies did in the pandemic: mine covered 100% of the first $500 of essential equipment (eg printers) and 50% of useful but not critical equipment up to $2000 (eg monitors, desks, ergonomic chairs). Maybe your employer could support the purchase of generators, signal boosters, etc for employees in certain zones and get those items to employees in advance of the next disaster.

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  72. Rep (taylor’s version)*

    Hugs OP. I went through something similar with a horrific flood. My job gave us two whole days (eye roll) to deal with flood related issues. My boss, thankfully, just said to let him know what i needed. I recommend asking for either unlimited leave or extra leave for at least the next year.

    Once cell service is more stable, maybe you could ask for a mobile hotspot? Though i do know of a few that work off satellites that vanlifers use.

    Is your company also local? If not, can you meet them somewhere for weekly food drops? For both you and your community?

    I do recommend to think about yourself first. You cannot save the world without saving yourself. Maybe limit volunteering for a bit? There’s really no need to take on the extra mental load of others right now—there will be time for that, i promise.

    Best of luck.

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  73. Sauron*

    All I want to say is, same OP. I did evacuate as I have family close by but I have no focus and won’t for a long time. I just want to be in my home and helping so I’m doing what I can. Be easy on yourself and don’t feel bad about taking the time you need in any way you can to process this.

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  74. Yesterwynde*

    In the aftermath of the earthquake in Mexico city in 2017, a building in my street almost fall down and having the sense of “normalcy” that came with doing my job was amazing to take my mind off all the chaos that was happening outside my window. Keeping my boss on the rest of my team (in another country) on the loop was really important to receive the support I needed in shuffling priorities, moving deadlines and some colleagues even took tasks off my plate for a few weeks until I was in a better mental space.

    I still volunteered where I could and offered my house as a hotspot for people to recharge their phones, use the bathroom, and in the case of a friend’s son who has no relatives in the area, as shelter until he could go home. I also had to accept that there was no way we, as a city, could go back to normal as fast as we wanted and to slow down in how much I could do to help rebuild the community to prevent burn out.

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  75. stemmy*

    As a senior person in management, if I was managing you I would offer taking personal leave, if that is available. I would want an honest assessment of how you are doing, and whether continuing to work is better for your mental health (distraction) or worse for it. For now the decions and actions would be very short term focused, not let’s plan your work life for the next year. Instead, let’s figure out what works best now, and then reassess in a couple weeks (if that makes sense). I would offer flexibility, meaning if you wanted to work I would want to know what tasks you want to take on vs not. I would also want a list of tasks that you have been doing that can be sent (temporarily) to other people. The underlying assumption here is that your company/boss wants to support you, and that they are decent humans. I hope/expect that for the most part, this is true.

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  76. LovelyTresses*

    Hey OP — sending you lots of good vibes, glad you’re safe and so sorry to hear about your community.

    Are you remote or in person? If you’re remote, is it possible to explain to your employer that due to the heavy logistics of just surviving in your community right now (water lines!), you have to pace your work to the speed at which some semblance of normalcy throughout your community? So you have a few hours a day when you can get internet and deal with the most crucial things, the rest you’ll delegate to your team. And I second the idea of an OOO message! If your colleagues aren’t physically in your community, they may understand how bad the storm was, but don’t understand the details of how incredibly arduous recovery is and will continue to be, especially since we’re now turning our attention to another hurricane. If I was your colleague or boss, getting a clearer picture of what you’re going through and what kind of flexibility you need because of that would be really helpful

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  77. restingbutchface*

    I’m so sorry. The footage coming out from the aftermath is like a horror film. I’m glad this letter was published because I bet lots of other people are googling the same dilemma.

    Lot of good advice already, but one I haven’t seen is thinking about letting your company tell people why you are working shorter hours/not available. I couldn’t tell you where half my remote working colleagues live so I bet some of the company haven’t put two and two together.

    This isn’t begging for sympathy, it’s resetting expectations. I’m thinking of when my mom died last year and my boss refused to let people know. He “couldn’t be bothered”. What stung the most was my friendly, nice colleagues asking how I was or how my weekend was. Then they would get short with me as they had no idea what I was going through. I wish that my company had supported me because I couldn’t actually write the words “my mother died” myself.

    Best of luck to you, friend. I am thinking of you and your community.

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  78. stemmy*

    As a senior person in management, if I was managing you I would offer taking personal leave, if that is available. I would want an honest assessment of how you are doing, and whether continuing to work is better for your mental health (distraction) or worse for it. For now the decions and actions would be very short term focused, not let’s plan your work life for the next year. Instead, let’s figure out what works best now, and then reassess in a couple weeks (if that makes sense). I would offer flexibility, meaning if you wanted to work I would want to know what tasks you want to take on vs not. I would also want a list of tasks that you have been doing that can be sent (temporarily) to other people. The underlying assumption here is that your company/boss wants to support you, and that they are decent humans. I hope/expect that for the most part, this is true.

    If this resonates, I would reach out to your company asking if they would be open to the above. sometimes providing a direct solution makes it much easier for boss to implement and meet your needs.

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  79. Rachel*

    Working remotely, and dealing with nor’easters, the best thing I could do for myself was find more unusual, not at-home-places to work from. My home internet connection was too unreliable and I couldn’t fault my neighbors (or concentrate) during clean-up and construction. The coffee shops and libraries near me were too crowded and also impacted by wireless outages. Better places were the off beaten path places like the local hospital’s cafeteria, a nearby community college, hotel bars/lobbies, and a Dunkin’ Donuts that strangely had the fastest and most reliable internet I could find. I told my team that I needed to work adjusted hours to account for my different locations and it really helped my mental health.

    Timely apologies that own any outbursts/problematic behavior go along way, too.

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  80. We still use so much paper!*

    If you filed an insurance claim at all, is there anything in your coverage for lost wages? Maybe that would take the sting out of unpaid leave.

    Hugs to you as you navigate this process!

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  81. TooTiredToThink*

    I’ve read through some of your comments; but not all. If you have a laptop and you are near enough an airport – would the company be willing to fly you to HQ – or somewhere not affected – so that you can work someplace else for a week and not have to deal with the main stressors – and maybe do this one week on/one week off during the busy season? That way you can focus for a solid week and then will have to go back to reality for a week; but gives you time to help with the rebuilding; etc… that you wish to be a part of.

    Or would the back and forth be too jarring?

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  82. Someone Online*

    After some natural disasters in our state, my job offers annual-leave sharing to support fellow employees who have been impacted. I don’t know off the top of my head the logistics, except it is similar to our sick-leave sharing program.

    Take care of yourself, OP. Big internet hugs.

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  83. Lucy P*

    I’ve been through a major hurricane where my parents lost their home (and we almost lost one of my parents), the majority of my relatives lost their homes (or had major repair work); and during the evacuation time, I kept meeting people whose houses were not just damaged, but completely missing.

    Having said, that, if you can take time off of work to recover, do it. I did it. In fact I refused to return home until my power was restored. My employer called me many times wanting me to come back and to help with internal recovery efforts, but I had to do what was best for me and my family. I needed any sense of normalcy I could get. In the end, my employer was OK with my delayed return and nothing was hindered by my 4-week absence.

    At the time, my state was offering emergency unemployment which would not count against my employer. You may want to see if your state has that option and if you would qualify for it.

    I’m sorry you are going through this right now. Things may look bleak for quite some time, but keep looking for any positivities, even in the little things. About a month after the hurricane hit, someone found a sunflower that had sprouted out of the sludge that the hurricane left behind. The local paper published a photo of it as a reminder that things can and will get better.

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  84. Delta Delta*

    A lot of folks have some really good ideas here. I’ll add another bit to consider. I live in the northern part of that same mountain range and we had some really horrible flooding last year; it was on a scale somewhat less than what you have, but devastating nonetheless. You may have some lasting trauma from all this. I know it’ll take some time to sort things out, but it may also be worth it to look into finding a counselor or other mental health professional so you can also take care of yourself.

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  85. LinesInTheSand*

    OP, I feel for you. Here are my suggestions, as someone who has worked with colleagues in the middle of natural disasters:

    1. Take some period of time – maybe a day, maybe a week – to step back and assess your own situation with an eye toward understanding what’s possible. If you know your internet is spotty, maybe this isn’t the time for lots of teleconferencing, for example. Look specifically for things on your plate that are no longer possible or likely given your current reality. Work with your boss and coworkers to reprioritize anything that still needs to get done, and cut everything else. Your success is going to depend on wisely allocating your very limited resources, and you don’t want to burn a bunch of mental energy thrashing on stuff you can’t possibly complete. This is the moment for one of those “we need to have a clear-eyed assessment of our new reality” discussions with your boss. As you point out, your reduced capacity has real business impacts. That’s life, and the sooner your company leadership accepts that reality, the more well positioned they will be to adjust and mitigate.

    2. You have direct reports. Be very clear in your own mind about *what you personally need to do* vs *what needs to get done*. Put as much as possible in the second bucket, delegate it all, remind your directs that performance reviews are coming up and this is their time to shine. Bonus points if you can delegate the delegation so that you don’t have to personally assign tasks, you just assign someone to assign out tasks that you identify as high priority.

    3. I’m sure you’ve noticed already that your emotional resilience probably isn’t what it used to be. That’s ok and expected. Get very comfortable saying, “Excuse me, I need a minute”.

    Good luck. You’ll get through it.

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  86. fine-tipped pen aficionado*

    My heart goes out to you my fellow Appalachian. I’m in central NC and much of my family is in the disaster zone, though thankfully everyone is physically safe and whole for now.

    I only have one thing to add to the excellent advice given already – if money is an issue for your your company, they should consult with their insurance broker as well as review the many, many disaster recovery resources offered by various branches of government which may cover or reimburse the company for the expenses of outsourcing parts of your work or providing equipment like a satellite phone. Also, it’s fair and reasonable to ask your company to do more of the work in deciding how to help you. “Let me know how I can help,” is such an unhelpful thing. If you feel secure enough in your position you can ask them to make specific offers instead. There’s a glut of information available on this topic and they can make some educated guesses about what they might themselves find useful in your shoes.

    If the affirmation helps, you are going above and beyond for your community and for your employer and it’s not grace to extend whatever temporary flexibility you need right now. It’s just good business. Replacing you would take longer and cost them more than letting you operate at 10% capacity for a few weeks, even if it is peak season.

    Thank you for all you’re doing for the community. I hope your workplace takes this as a sign that they need to have policy & procedure for disasters in place before the disasters happen. I hope for a speedy and thorough recovery and healing for you and yours. I’m not in the zone with you, but you are not forgotten even with a new storm bearing down on the Gulf.

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    1. fine-tipped pen aficionado*

      Let me also add that I know crisis counselors from throughout the Southeast have been deployed to the various shelters set up across the disaster zone. If these folks are in any way accessible to you, consider seeking them out. They can function as case workers which might be a relief to your very heavy mental load right now.

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  87. Fern*

    OP, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and I am thinking about you. One thought (and if someone already suggested this then I apologize) is if there are things that could be done in non-peak hours. Like the expectation that x y and z are done within two weeks, but you may put in a few extra hours on a Saturday morning. I know that this can slide into working all the hours, so that’s the risk. During covid, we went to fully remote and had two young kids with no childcare, and there was an understanding that some things may not happen until kids are asleep, and that’s okay. For me, it helped take some of the pressure off to provide a finished product by 5pm, knowing that I could steal away a few hours at 7pm to get the work done.

    I also think transparency with your team and supervisors helps, both mentally and logistically. If your team knows that you’ve had bad cell service, or you’re rushing to the public shower, it helps set expectations for everyone.

    And good luck with the coming weeks/months.

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  88. Observer*

    You’ve gotten some excellent advice.

    One thing I have not seen addressed is that you say you are “short” with people. That’s a real problem, and you do need to find a way to rein that in.

    I get it, I *really* do. I’ve been through personal tragedy, Superstorm Sandy in NYC, and the onslaught of Covid, which hit NYC *hard* and was not handled well by either the City or State. I’m not saying that they are “the same”, as each disaster is it’s own unique thing. But yeah, the levels of stress are off the charts.

    But the thing is that you will get a LOT more grace and cooperation if you can manage to not snap or be short with people. I’m not saying that you need to be effusive or apologize a lot for your lack of availability. Reasonable people *will* understand as long as you try to be as transparent as possible. But a lot of that understanding and recognition of good faith will evaporate if you perceived as rude or *personally* annoying.

    If there is any chance that any of the people you are dealing with also have family or loved ones in the disaster areas, that’s going to go 100x over.

    PS I realize you don’t have bandwidth to deal with “thoughts and prayers” or good wishes, I’m sending those your way, but I *totally* realize that it’s not reasonable or realistic to expect any response.

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  89. Long Time Fan, First Time Caller*

    -Put up an automatic reply on your emails, explaining that your region is recovering from Hurricane Helene.
    -In that auto-reply, state that your access to WiFi is spotty, slow, and irregular.
    -State that your availability is reduced as a result.
    -Then detail who else can be asked for help// work. Delegate, delegate, delegate your work.
    -Thank people for their concern and patience, and tell them that you will address their concerns as soon as you are able.

    TLDR: To the greatest extent possible, hide behind the “spotty WiFi” reason, and take the time you need to recover. Sending you all the very best.

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  90. Anonymoose*

    One thing I did when I had a month of unpredictable availability was to appoint a person to manage all communication for me (Program Managers are great for this kind of stuff) — I set my out of office message to direct people to contact her.
    She handled all of the questions from my team and any outside groups we could get to comply; she’d compile it all in a shared document daily with higher priority things at the top. As I got free minutes, I could power through and answer everything I could.
    It was so helpful to know that I was spending the cycles I had on the stuff they really needed me for, and it also gave me a channel to figure out what less-important work I *could* take on without blocking people.
    I’m so sorry you’re going through this — it must be exhausting.

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  91. m0rgan*

    There are a lot of great suggestions here, I would echo something similar with coming up with a list of tasks and sitting down with your boss to see what the priorities should be. Especially with things out of your control (like wifi or cell service) and the uptick of responsibilities to literally just survive (I imagine it’s not as easy as running out to the grocery store when you need)… it is totally reasonable to come up with a working plan based on tasks to accomplish rather than hours per day worked. This can be phrased as physical limitations to your working environment (i.e. limited wifi, cell service, access to resources, etc.) instead of getting into what your mental bandwidth is. I think if you are proactive and a part of creating a plan and sharing your situation, that goes a long way with management. If you don’t share your situation, then they may think everything is okay and will expect work to return back to normal quicker than you are able.

    I’m sorry you’re going through it – sending prayers your way!

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  92. LL*

    Does your company ever offer Administrative Leave? Mine does for certain things: company-wide mental health days, snow days (pre-pandemic), a few times when electricity was out in the neighborhood our building was in for no reason, etc.

    We’re 100% remote now and I know that they still offer it on an ad-hoc basis in very specific instances. So if you have something like that, you can see if you can use it now. Or ask if they’d be willing to do something like this for you now. You don’t even have to use it for entire days, you can just use it for a few hours each day when you can’t work.

    An

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  93. JSPA*

    I hope this doesn’t land really badly, but when I’m at “one task daily before breaking” (for whatever reason) I can sometimes get two days’ worth of function by giving in to a deep nap of exhaustion–not caffeine and a candy bar and power through (which is the other option). It can feel like giving in to defeat (and it can even put you in an unsafe circumstance depending where you fall asleep) but if you can safely nap, and have not been, it can make the difference between feeling (and being) “work-useless” most of the day, and being “work useful” at some point in the morning and at some point in the afternoon, which often registers on people as being far more available and engaged.

    Beyond that, all I can think of is speaking–GRAPHICALLY– to any reporter you can find about specific reasons people are not “showing up” in their remote work roles, and how companies are not being understanding. Bodies, bloating, blow-flies, babies, blood–don’t hide what “we’re still missing people” means.

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  94. Ex-Teacher*

    Could your company hire some additional temporary staff to absorb some of the work? Either an assistant for you to help parse the urgent from the non-urgent and routine, or someone who can complete some of the tasks that don’t require your senior-level expertise? This would hopefully ease not only your workload, but also to ease your mind that requests aren’t being ignored during times you can’t really handle working. An assistant like this would also be able to help smooth out the interactions where you feel you’re being short with colleagues.

    Alternatively, perhaps some temp folks to handle these kinds of tasks further down the chain, which would allow existing employees who have enough knowledge to absorb some of your work to do so.

    I’d also encourage you to spend some time thinking about just how accommodating your employer is, and how your tenure and reputation will support your reputation. I see your concern about performance reviews coming up, but if you’ve been there for a while and shown that you are a competent, effective employee, then I’d hope any decent employer would extend some slack during this apocalyptic disaster. I know it’s easier said than done, but if your reputation is strong and your employer is decent, then hopefully you would not have to worry about them penalizing you for being human during this disaster.

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  95. Pandemic Parenting is Miserable*

    I’ve gone through many huge life traumas, always while working full time without stopping at all, and I wish I’d just stopped and taken time off. I would take as much as you can afford up to two weeks, fully clocked out. Five days sounds like nothing – I wanted two months too – but it will make a difference. Take the paid time off you have or the paid leave available, and just give into grief for a week. Given that you have serious logistics (getting water!) to deal with a week to manage this seems very reasonable.

    I agree with you that professionally people only tolerate 1-2 weeks of distracted performance before they lose patience with you. (My business partner and beloved friend died unexpectedly three years ago and our clients were shocked and patient for about 2 wks and then I just had to act like everything was fine again. I will never be the same!) I think time fully off work serves you better than dialing it in and having sustained diminished performance.

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  96. FionasHuman*

    Hopefully Alison reads this: sometimes reporters contact her for leads when companies are behaving badly. This is a prime opportunity to name and shame companies into treating their remote workers in these areas with the respect and care they deserve. Sadly, I’m a reporter, but I cover a far more niche area and can’t help.

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  97. She of Many Hats*

    First talk with your benefits team to find out what options and resources like ERPs are available. There’s a good chance that they can connect you with mental health resources, disaster relief resources, and colleagues who may be nearby if you need them.

    Then work with your manager and HR about flex-time to deal with any recovery-efforts you need for you, your family, and your community. See where some of your tasks can be reallocated so they don’t get lost while you rebuild what you need from buildings to mental health.

    Above all, allow yourself Grace feel Not Okay. Accepting help can be so hard for many of us and allowing others to give Service by helping you is a Gift to both parties.

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  98. Abogado Avocado*

    I work for County government along the Texas gulf coast in “hurricane alley.” By law, we can’t pay people for days they don’t work, unless, of course, they have vacation or comp time. So, when hurricanes make it impossible to work from the office and take down the internet, making it impossible to work from home, this is a real problem. Fortunately, the County is good about policies that advance comp time during disasters, meaning that employees can use that time to take time off and pay the comp time back once the world is put together again. So, that’s the financial part. It’s not ideal, but it’s what works for us.

    As for the psychological part post-disaster, all I can say is that it’s tough and I’ve been there more times than I want in the past six years. The best I can advise is to go with the flow. Don’t make yourself crazy by trying to right everything all at once. When our house was without power for 8 days post-Beryl, I cleaned up the downed trees limbs, etc. as much as I could before the people with gasoline-operated tools arrived. Then, I’d go to the office, work as long as I could, go home and survey the damage, remedy what I could, call the adjuster again, make a dinner of sandwiches (because no electricity) and then settled into a routine where we went to bed when the sun went down (because no electricity and the rechargeable lantern thing gets old after a few days). No, life without refrigeration or A/C sucks (especially when its 90 degrees and 110 percent humidity), but it was do-able because our neighbors were having the same crappy experience and we were all in it together.

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  99. kay*

    OP, I am so sorry. My small town in Vermont was hit by devastating floods last year and then again this year. In my case, my work is in that same small town, so it was very obvious to coworkers, but most people did not live there, so did not really get it. By the end of the first week, I ended up leading the volunteer response and that took an enormous toll on me both physically and emotionally. It was months before things were semi-normal again and to be honest I’m still not okay.

    Some things that I did with my boss that I think would map to remote work:
    – really, super-duper explicit about what was on my plate, what I was not getting to, and how important each thing was so we could make plans and I would get a warning if something was especially bad
    – taking time for myself, even if that was just 20 minutes to do something that was not work or mucking out or responding to urgent needs. it did not matter to me if this was during work time. if I found myself on the edge, I would try to step away and breathe. sometimes that meant lying on my back on my office floor listening to a 5 minute guided meditation. sometimes it meant a total emotional breakdown.
    – I was proactively grateful to coworkers and my boss about their understanding, kind of putting them in the situation of having to be jerks about the fact that my town had been destroyed. maybe not entirely fair, but it worked.
    – I found opportunities for my coworkers to help – we all trooped down to pile sandbags together one day when it rained again. There may be opportunities for remote help that crop up. We used people remotely from the other parts of the state to call through our lists of people who needed help to see what their status was. Some local orgs may be doing that.

    Again – I’m so sorry. I have been where you are, and I know how much it hurts.

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  100. Gingerblue*

    It sounds like the “how long are people going to be understanding” part is a major stressor, which it would be for me too. One thing that might help here is frequent communication: if you can keep people updated on where things are, even if it’s just that nothing has changed on a project, it keeps them aware of how much you’re doing and what you’re on top of. Essentially, make sure you’re getting credit for all the stuff you *are* getting done right now.

    Which sounds like the opposite of taking stuff off your plate. But–and this suggestion might be useful or totally not depending on what your work is like–can you set up a very minimal way to update people daily? Like, an email template with a grid or bullet points on the status of different projects that you can blanket send to everyone you need to work with every day, where you only need to update a line or two as things change? You might be able to write up something that takes barebones effort to update and mail each day but gives you the reassurance that people still see you on the job and as on top of things as you can be. You might even include a section with brief status updates on your own situation (“Water expected back on by next week; internet still irregular”, etc), which could give people a baseline for what you’re still working around. A quick daily form check in could win you credit with coworkers out of proportion to how much effort it takes.

    You sound like a conscientious person who probably has a lot of built-up goodwill at work. I’m so sorry you and your community are dealing with this.

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  101. Long Time Fan, First Time Caller*

    This post is not for OP, who is at her limit, but for all of us who have gone through similar storms: It does not have to be this way.

    Our government has better options than to just abandon us to plywood and sandbags and our own generators, and leave us to clean up the mess while working full-time jobs with no federally- guaranteed emergency recovery leave. OP does not have to be going through this stress alone.

    The Cuban model shows us that the state can take a much larger role, and save thousands of lives, despite dramatic hurricanes. (I.e., In the seven years between 1996 and 2002, six major hurricanes hit Cuba, yet a total of only 16 people died.)

    I urge you to read the Oxfam report about their model, here, and to urge your elected representatives to stop this systematic neglect of our communities in the face of increasingly deadly national disasters.

    Here is the report: https://www.oxfamamerica.org/explore/research-publications/cuba-weathering-the-storm/

    Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

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  102. Just Thinkin' Here*

    “let us know what you need and we’ll work with you”

    You ask for time off. Paid if you can get it. And use it to get both your house in order and whatever you need until the adrenaline subsides, the stress reduces. Even if you don’t think you need it, take it. Everything you do over the next month is going to take 10X longer than normal due to environmental conditions. A week or two or three off will make a world of difference.

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  103. Corporate Goth*

    OP, does your company conduct any charity work you could ask them to leverage into good publicity for them/potentially help the chaos? They might be able to help with disaster relief funds, generators, or water runs – things that would ease the distraction burden for you and others in this horrible situation.

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  104. Undercaffeinated Jen*

    Hi OP – I haven’t experienced anything like what you are going through, but had a recent family crisis that similarly impacted my ability to be present and focused at work. My manager and I established a kind of gatekeeper/liaison system that I found tremendously helpful. She triaged incoming requests on my behalf and only passed along whatever she prioritized, and either reassigned the rest or told the requestor no. I also gave her updates on my personal situation that I was willing to have passed on to my coworkers, but didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to talk about multiple times over.

    Wishing you all the best. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself grace as you get your feet back under you.

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