Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Manager says I have to come in even though my doctor says to stay home

My company has just increased the number of days we’re expected to be in office. We were fully remote for two years during the pandemic, so the shift to hybrid work has been a big adjustment, as is the new increase to our in-office days.

If you miss an in-office day and don’t make it up in the same week, you get a strike. After three strikes in a six month period, you may be subject to disciplinary action / it may impact your performance review and standing.

Today, I’m working from home with a horrendous cough and fever. My doctor has advised that I should work from home all week to avoid getting my coworkers sick (and gave me a note that I submitted to work). My manager has advised that I should come in later this week as long as my fever is gone so that my performance review doesn’t suffer. I’ve been advised to mask up and to find a meeting room where I can set up camp for the day, so I can isolate while checking the attendance box.

Is there any world in which this is reasonable? I think that if a medical professional has said I shouldn’t be around other people, I shouldn’t come into the office. And asking me to contradict a doctor’s guidance is pretty wild. (For what it’s worth, we live in a large city so coming in will mean being next to strangers on public transit or spending $50+ each way on an Uber.)

No, there’s no world in which that’s reasonable, unless you’re, I don’t know, engaged in some kind of life and death work where you are the only person who can carry out your portion of an incredibly important mission that will result in loss of life or limb if you’re not there. Any chance that’s the case?

Assuming not, your manager is being wildly unreasonable. Maybe that’s because she is wildly unreasonable, or maybe it’s because she’s under extreme pressure from above to make people comply with the new in-office policy and doesn’t have the savvy to know there are times when you still need to push back, who knows.

You can try spelling it out for her: “Are you saying my performance review could suffer because I’m following a doctor’s advice to stay home for a full week? That doesn’t seem right and I wonder if it’s something we can check with HR.”

Otherwise, she’s telling you to return as long as your fever is gone, so it sounds like your fever won’t be gone this week.

Related:
does an employer have to act on a doctor’s note?

2. My boss asked me to take a call while I was in the bathroom

I was sitting at my desk this morning when I suddenly needed to go “number two.” I hate to do this because I work in a converted townhouse where the bathrooms are just one toilet and sink, like in a house. But this was a serious situation!

I was sitting there and I heard my boss outside the bathroom door:
“Molly, are you in there?”
“Um, yes. Yes, I am.”
“Mr. Smith is on the phone.”
Well, I certainly can’t take a phone call NOW, you boob! But I said, “Could you ask him to call back?”
“How long are you going to be in there?”
A very personal question, sir! “As long as it takes, I guess.”

Then another coworker walked by and he started discussing something with her, right outside the door. It was like a staff meeting, except one person was trying to poop. This whole experience left me discombobulated! Should I complain to him about it, or talk to HR?

Eh, hopefully it was one awkward/thoughtless moment and not the start of a pattern. He was in the wrong, but it’s not something you need to do anything about unless it keeps happening. If it does happen again, you could say to him (not through the bathroom door, but when you’re in more of a position to talk), “When I’m in the bathroom, I’m indisposed and can’t take calls. Can you please let the person know I’m away from my desk and will call them back if that happens?”

This isn’t an HR issue unless it’s happening a lot and he’s, like, banging on the door while you’re in there.

Also, a white noise machine inside the bathroom or right outside of it might make this set-up a lot more comfortable.

3. My employee asked me for a reference … for a job I’m also applying to

I’m a mid-level manager at a company who is happy with my job but open to other opportunities. One of my employees, Sansa, is looking for other work openly, because we can’t offer competitive compensation or the hours that she would prefer. I love Sansa — she’s great at her job and I absolutely understand why she would be looking for other employment. She asked me to be a reference and I happily agreed. All has been well, and I have provided a reference for her that resulted in a job offer that didn’t end up working out. Yesterday, she mentioned a job that I also applied to. Eeek!

This job would be a step back in responsibility for me but would offer more pay, better benefits, and more time off. It would be a step forward for her, and probably a great fit. If they called me for a reference, I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend her. But in the back of my mind, I worry about all eventual scenarios. What if we’re in the final round, and they ask for references? What if I get the job and haven’t told her that I applied? Will she feel lied to? Backstabbed? What if she gets the job and finds out after I also applied but lost out to her … will our professional relationship be awkward afterward? Should I tell her now before we’ve even gotten to interviews? We are in a niche field so are bound to continue running into each other. But more importantly, we get along really well as coworkers and generally have a lot of department camaraderie that I wouldn’t want to color with a negative experience at the end of our working relationship. I have a lot of respect for her. I always tell my staff that it’s a job, not a family, and they should put themselves first, but I’m having trouble navigating the lines between what’s professional courtesy and what’s divulging information that’s unnecessary for them to know.

Oooh, yeah, if you feel like you can safely share with her that you’ve applied for that job yourself, with risking repercussions in your current organization, I would. Otherwise, if you end up getting the job and that’s the first time she learns of it, she’s likely to wonder if you only applied because she told you about it (not that people have dibs on job openings, but no one wants to feel their reference swiped an opening out from under them) or if you gave her a less-than-glowing reference in order to get the job yourself.

You can avoid all that if you tell her now. Say that you want to be up-front with her that you had already applied for the position and you are still happy to give her a glowing reference if she wants, but you wanted to be transparent with her in case she’d rather use someone else.

Related:
my reference applied for the job I wanted, after I told her about it

4. Is it better to be interviewed first or last?

Is it better to go early or late in the interviewing process?

I usually choose the first interview time available to (1) show I’m excited about the position and (2) set the standard for everyone else (and to knock out the competition if I’m lucky). But that means I’m waiting on tenterhooks while the employer figures out what they’re trying to do and out of sight, out of mind. Would it be better to go as close to last as possible because it, in theory, shortens my wait time and my meeting is fresh in the mind?

Basically, I need a damn job and I’m willing to try any voodoo that might help.

It really doesn’t matter that much.

There is research showing people remember the first and last in a series better than those in the middle, but if you’re a strong candidate your’e very unlikely to be forgotten just because you were interviewed in the middle. Plus, if you go first, you might set the bar for everyone else — or your interviewer might think, “She was good but we’re so early in the process” and not put any special weight on you.

Moreover, you don’t have enough context on the list of slots they’re offering. For all you know, someone else has already taken an earlier slot or a later slot and you’re just hearing about the remaining ones. Plus, things change all the time — you could have what you think is their last slot and then a great candidate emerges and they need to wait until that person can be scheduled, which drags out the process for everyone, or things get delayed for other reasons. There’s just really no way to game this. Take the slot that’s convenient for you and don’t put more thought into it than that.

To the extent that any voodoo is available, it’s in preparing really well for the interview, not in where your interview falls.

5. My title is different in different places — which one do I use?

In part thanks to your resume advice, I have managed to leave my old, hated industry and entered a new one! There’s a whole new set of industry norms to maneuver, however, and one is perplexing me. On internal documents, I have one title — think llama farmer relationship manager II” — but on outside-facing or public documents I am styled simply “operations specialist.” Which one do I use — on credit card applications, on my voter registration, on future resumes? When my parents ask?

In cases where someone is likely to check the title (like a background check), you should use the title that your company will confirm, which might be the internal one … but might be either of them, depending on how your company does things. For everything else, you can use whichever of the two you prefer, since they’re both accurate.

And for the first category, where you need to make sure it’ll match up with what the company will say, ask your boss! You don’t need to say it’s for future reference checks; you can say you want to make sure you’re using the right title on things like credit card applications.