my coworker won’t stop telling me that I smell

by Alison Green on October 14, 2024

I’m off today. This was originally published in 2017.

A reader writes:

I enjoy wearing perfume, but tend to stick to indie oil scents, since the smell tends to stick closer to my skin (so, in theory, I don’t bother my coworkers) and also because I seem to be sensitive to the alcohol that a lot of spray perfumes use. I also tend to use unscented deodorant and laundry detergent; I really dislike how “chemical-y” scented products like this tend to be.

About a month ago, one of my coworkers told me that the perfume I was wearing bothered her. I work closely with her, so I immediately apologized and washed it off, and haven’t worn any of my perfume since. I don’t have a huge wardrobe, so most if not all of my office-appropriate clothes have been washed since then, so I’m pretty sure that there are no lingering traces hanging on.

My problem is that this coworker is now complaining constantly about the perfume I’m not wearing! She even went to my manager, who pulled me aside and asked me about things like deodorant and bath products. I’ve tried to explain to my coworker that basically nothing I use is scented anymore, but she makes exaggerated sniffing noises and says things like, “Oh, patchouli AGAIN?” when I get near her. (Again, I am not wearing ANY perfume, my deodorant is unscented, I shower every morning and my body wash is lightly lemon scented and doesn’t stick around.) It’s reached the point where it feels like juvenile bullying and I honestly don’t know what to do.

Do four things:

1. Stop using the lemon-scented body wash for a few days and see if she keeps making the comments. It’s possible that it’s lingering in a way that you don’t realize. And if the comments don’t stop, then you can legitimately say that you have cut out all scented products and it hasn’t changed anything.

2. Say this to the coworker: “Jane, since you raised this issue, I have stopped wearing any scented products to work, and I have washed all of my work clothes in unscented laundry detergent. There shouldn’t be any fragrances lingering around. I can’t think of anything else that I can do. Is there something else you’re hoping I’ll try? If not, I need you to stop commenting about something that I can’t do anything about. At this point, it feels like I’m being harassed for fragrances that I’m not wearing and I want you to stop.”

You could also say, “If you’re suffering from fragrance sensitivity, you should talk to (manager) or HR about what accommodations they can offer. But I need you to stop the constant comments about me.”

3. Say this to your boss: “Ever since Jane mentioned a month ago that a perfume I was wearing bothered her, I’ve made a big effort to ensure I’m not wearing anything scented around her. I’ve stopped wearing perfume, have switched to unscented deodorant, and I wash my clothes in unscented detergent. And of course I shower daily. Yet every time she’s near me she complains about the fragrances she says I’m wearing. I’m not, and I’ve told her I’m not. I’m not sure what else I can do. I’ve asked her to stop, and I’d like to ask you to intervene if it continues, because it’s becoming disruptive, and frankly at this point her continued complaints are starting to feel like harassment.”

(To be clear, this doesn’t sound like harassment in the legal sense — that would need to be based on race, sex, religion, or another protected characteristic — but it’s certainly harassing in the colloquial sense.)

4. If your coworker continues the comments after these conversations, then at that point, say this: “Clearly this isn’t something we can resolve on our own. Should we go talk to (manager) or HR together and resolve this once and for all?”

And then do that, because it’s reasonable for you not to want to be subjected to this. Even if she has legitimate fragrance sensitivities — and some people do, although it’s not clear if that’s really what’s going on with her or not — this isn’t the way for her to handle it.

2017 note to commenters: There have been loads of suggestions below for additional ways the letter-writer could tackle potential scents and stamp them out. I’m going to ask that we stop with those suggestions now and instead focus on how she should deal with the coworker, which I think will be more helpful to her. At this point, the issue is that she has a coworker who’s being rude and snarky to her, not that she should just stop using bubble bath on weekends or so forth.

2024 note to readers: You’ll want to read the update to this one.

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{ 173 comments }

{ 173 comments… read them below }

  1. SHEILA, the co-host*

    If the LW is still around, I’d love to know if co-worker came back to work after maternity leave and if so, if her nose issues were greatly resolved or if she returned to being a bit of a bully.

      1. BlueCactus*

        But the LW’s coworker wasn’t even bothered! It just amused her to upset LW, which is wildly out of line.

        1. duinath*

          “Manager has talked to her about taunting the coworkers” is… well it’s really something. I would be mortified.

      3. Justme, The OG*

        You dislike patchouli. To the ones who like it, it isn’t gross. Calling something gross like that is rude, tbf.

    2. Literally a Cat*

      Agreed. This coworker wasn’t like this just because she was pregnant. She was just purely mean.

    1. lost academic*

      It was my first thought halfway through the post originally, so it didn’t surprise me at all! But I’m glad it was true.

    1. Good Lord Ratty*

      Does it? The coworker admitted that she had been purposely bullying the LW. What’s so great about that? It’s nice that the LW seemed relatively unbothered in the end, but it really isn’t ok for someone to go to great lengths to accommodate a colleague, only for the colleague to engage in deliberate gaslighting and (colloquial sense) harassment. Not very… collegial.

      2. Observer*

        but it really isn’t ok for someone to go to great lengths to accommodate a colleague, only for the colleague to engage in deliberate gaslighting and (colloquial sense) harassment. Not very… collegial.

        True.

        What made *me* happy about that is that the LW’s supervisor called the CW for her behavior.

        The LW says that “Manager has talked to her about not taunting the coworkers.” *That* is a good outcome!

        1. Coffee Protein Drink*

          I agree the manager’s response is a good outcome. I can totally see some managers making the choice to say, “You need to work that out among yourselves.”

      4. HB*

        Yes, it does which is why I said it. How about you not question other people’s reactions just because they differ from yours?

        1. Glen*

          I think it’s fair to question someone when they say they’re glad to find out that, actually, someone was being deliberately bullied, yes. It does make it seem like you missed something because it’s not usual to find out that, actually, the coworker was lying about being bothered because they found LW’s distress amusing. It’s not the kind of thing that makes most people happy.

          1. Princess Sparklepony*

            But they got to the bottom of the problem. That’s a plus. And on top of that, the co-worker was totally in the wrong. That is at least a psychic win. Sometimes that’s the only thing you get.

            From now on, the co-worker’s complaints about another person are going to be met with suspicion from the manager. It’s good when someone gets called out for doing badly.

            Those are reasons that I would call it a win. The LW was right. (Although if I had to work with a patchouli scented co-worker, I would not be happy at all. That scent makes my skin crawl.)

            1. HB*

              Thank you.

              Really don’t want to get into a litigation on the issue because “the update made me happy” specifies absolutely *nothing* about what specifically about the update made me happy, but this is part of it.

      5. goddessoftransitory*

        And costing the LW money! They had to replace all their personal products; those aren’t free.

    2. I'm just here for the cats!!*

      It was so wild!! I wonder if maybe there was a little bit of perfume that was on her office chair or something and thats what the other person was smelling. Every once in a while at home we will get a scent of maple syrup. We cannot figure out where its coming from. It must be in the woodwork, since we’ve gotten new furniture and don’t have carpet. We joke that its the ghost making pancakes.

  4. Adam*

    That update is wild. Not just the revelation (go read!), but the fact that she wasn’t actually bothered by the smell, she was just winding up OP! What a jerk!

    1. mango chiffon*

      Yeah, the fact that op was going well out of her way to accommodate the coworker and the coworker was just purposely making a big deal out of it really sucks.

    2. pally*

      Yeah! Doesn’t it bother this co-worker at all that the OP went to great lengths to ‘de-scent’ themselves when it wasn’t ever an issue for them?

      With situations like this, I wonder about it being a way to get someone they don’t like to maybe get moved to a different job or even quit their job.

      1. Two-Faced Big-Haired Food Critic*

        There was a letter from someone whose co-worker did exactly that. He didn’t think women belonged in the industry they were in, and he couldn’t bear sharing an office with a woman. So he loaded up on beans and cabbage. Everyone else seemed to be pulling up lawn chairs, because repeated requests/pleas for her to change offices, or him to change, or anything that would allow her to breathe, were brushed off. And after she finally changed jobs, he admitted to everyone else that the whole thing was deliberate, and woohoo, he finally ran her off. ::head explodes::

    3. Sunflower*

      Yeah, I was thinking “Aw. The poor lady with such scent sensitivity and now she’s pregnant to make it worse” until I got to the end. I wouldn’t accommodate her anymore if I was the OP. I’m not saying to start wearing perfume again but use normal/lightly scented stuff like shampoo and stuff.

      1. The Nose Knows*

        I can see an office adopting a no-perfume policy.

        However, it is unreasonable to ask that OP use unscented body wash in the shower, or even unscented laundry detergent. Those are personal decisions. If another employee is *that* scensitive, it’s time to ask for an accommodation.

        1. FunkyMunky*

          yeah we are technically that but I was also in a situation where my detergent was scrutinized so I just pretended it’s not me they are smelling. Like come on, personal care items are where I dry the hard line. Especially because this person took public transit to work, went to shops and restaurants and nail salons and apparently that’s all fine but my smell was too much

        2. Radioactive Cyborg Llama*

          It is not particularly sensitive to react to some laundry detergents, which can be heinous. I’d rather be in a space with a heavy smoker myself. I do think it is particularly sensitive to think that not being able to use a certain kind of laundry detergent is a hardship. JMO.

      2. Good Lord Ratty*

        I think it’s fine to have a no perfume/cologne policy, but asking everyone to use only unscented personal hygiene/laundry/cleaning products is excessive. I hope OP started using the products they actually like to use again. (Especially because lemon and patchouli smell NOTHING alike, which made me suspicious from the jump.)

        1. Literally a Cat*

          I think there was a AAM about an office with this policy. Surprise, it was a terrible idea.

        2. Pizza Rat*

          Excessive, potentially expensive and not always possible to find. I’m sure unscented shampoos exist and are easily found for some people, but I’ve never seen one on a store shelf.

      4. Filofaxes*

        I’d seriously be thinking to myself, “hmm yeah, either I won’t be here when you get back from maternity–because I have a new job–or you better not come back from maternity leave. If only because I can’t make the company fire you while you’re on maternity leave because duh. WTF, Trixie.”

          1. Filofaxes*

            Yeah but the LW’s coworker seems like the type who would have absolutely claimed pregnancy discrimination even if the actual reason for being fired was something like theft and she’d been caught red-handed.

      6. Ellie*

        Yeah I’d start wearing perfume again. The $50 voucher was a nice touch, but she admitted to harassing OP for months as some kind of entertainment. I’d do my best to avoid talking to that co-worker in future, and I’d go straight back to using my scented bath products.

        Although now that I think about it, its possible she was legitimately bothered by the scent right up until she realised she was pregnant… and now that she knows she is, it doesn’t bother her. It’s also possible that the fertility treatments or whatever it was she was doing had her on her last nerve, and she is now just in a better frame of mind overall. I hope that is the case.

    5. nekosan*

      Yeah, things like that make it much harder for everyone who IS having legitimate issues due to scents. “My perfume doesn’t give you a migraine; you obviously just hate me and can’t even smell it. I’m going to spray it all over your cubicle to prove it.” So. Many. Days. Of. Pain.
      Can’t we all just act like reasonable adults?

      1. Rainy*

        Back in the day at my old job we ended up with three people who were addicted to essential oils in the office simultaneously. One was merely personally drenched in them; the other two used high-output diffusers in their offices, which were side by side, and they left their doors open. The two who used diffusers were responsible for a day when something like five of us ended up going home sick with migraines and asthma attacks. I left because I was actually allergic to something in the oil blend they were both using that day and my eyes swelled to the point I could barely see.

        1. Freya*

          I have a bunch of allergies, and multiple people in my office like the oil diffusers and scented candles. So they have a tradition of using them only on the day that is my regular day off. Commonly, if I AM working on that day (yay for crunch times!), I’m WFH, and I let them know the previous day if I’ll be in the office so they can refrain on that specific day, or use one of the very few we’ve tested as non-allergenic for me. I like that they care about me that way, or at least care about the work they’ll have to take over for me if I react to the air-propagated allergens.

        2. Oui oui oui all the way home*

          How could they have been allowed to do this? It sounds like management was awful at that job.

    6. Elle*

      It’s insane to me that someone would create an issue for someone else over straight up nothing. That coworker would not get the benefit of the doubt from me ever again.

      1. Princess Sparklepony*

        I think that is the likely outcome especially since the manager found out. The co-worker is now not going to get any benefits from any future shenanigans. She kind of cooked her own goose. Unless the manager is very forgiving or forgetful.

  5. Cassandra*

    The update makes total sense, but the OP’s coworker was still a jackass because she enjoyed watching poor OP freak out on purpose!

    1. Self Employed Employee*

      And unstable. She also sent them a gift card? After harassing them? That she can harass and gift at the same time spells trouble to me.

  7. Momma Bear*

    That’s a wild turn of events. I’m glad the coworker was talked to about taunting people – if it didn’t truly bother her and she was just trying to get a rise out of someone, that’s terrible behavior. And, honestly, I hope she took that lesson to heart and doesn’t torment her child the same way.

  8. Successful Birthday Rememberer*

    This kinda pissed me off. Coworker was deliberately (by her own admission) being antagonistic. I am glad everyone thought it was funny and I am glad that the OP got a gift card. Still annoyed me that it took getting to this point though.

    1. Princess Sparklepony*

      But don’t you think that the manager and other co-workers are going to now dismiss any complaint that she makes now since it’s been a whole Boy Crying Wolf scenario? I don’t think this helps the co-worker in way.

      1. Successful Birthday Rememberer*

        I think so too and would be wearing patchouli every single day as a result.

  9. A Simple Narwhal*

    Woof I think a bad update is hidden behind a good one.

    “She was just being kind of a jerk with the sniffing thing, even though she can smell it, it doesn’t bother her and she said she thought it was funny to watch me freak out. Manager has talked to her about not taunting the coworkers.”

    Like that’s great that she’s very happy about being pregnant, but she purposely lied because she liked upsetting LW? And she apparently does this on the regular to other coworkers? I’d be very interested to hear what happened with her behavior after the initial joy wore off.

    1. Successful Birthday Rememberer*

      Some women are not very ‘glowy’ when they are pregnant lol. I myself was never a ray of sunshine but I didn’t do anything like this.

      1. A Simple Narwhal*

        Ha I never felt glowy during my pregnancy, just some combination of exhausted, swollen, or nauseous. But despite feeling awful I never took delight in the suffering of others! And even when I was trying to get pregnant, I might have been sad at the unsuccessful attempts but I never put that on others or used that as an excuse to be a jerk. I’ve also had friends go through long painful years of infertility and stressful fertility treatments and they weren’t ever jerks either.

        I think the pregnancy is a red herring and the coworker was just a mean person.

        1. N C Kiddle*

          First trimester I was absurdly weepy and third trimester the many aches and pains that the doctor assured me were normal and could only be fixed by giving birth likely made me somewhat cranky, but that’s a long way from deliberately making someone else’s life difficult like the coworker did. Seconding that’s probably just her base personality.

          1. A Simple Narwhal*

            I think you could tell the doctor that your leg fell off and they’d just shrug and go “yea that happens in pregnancy sometimes, it will go back to normal after you give birth”.

            As though you won’t be miserable now because someone tells you you won’t be miserable someday!

      2. GenX, PhD, Enters the Chat*

        Sounds like she was already taunting coworkers well before the pregnancy, tbh.

      3. Emmy Noether*

        I thought ‘glowy’ for pregnant women referred to looks? For some women, pregnancy can make the skin clearer, the cheeks redder and the hair fuller – like a real-life Instagram filter. I don’t know ANY woman that became a ray of sunshine during pregnancy, mood-wise (I’m sure they exist, but… rarely?). Most aren’t cruel or jerky, mind you, just normal verging on cranky and tired.

        1. Successful Birthday Rememberer*

          I thought that was part of it. My former SIL was laughing and delighted and glowing personality wise and every other way. But she’s one of those people who is always happy and super bubbly / social anyway.

        2. Dahlia*

          Hormones, extra blood, and also prenatal vitamins do a lot for a lot of people (not everyone, obviously).

    2. Dek*

      Yeah, telling someone they smell just to upset them is seriously mean. And then OP bent over backwards to try and accommodate her by not using things she liked.

      Just…I don’t get it.

      1. Unkempt Flatware*

        If it were a more serious thing to lie about, I’d go as far as saying it’s sociopathic behavior.

        1. Elle*

          Honestly, personal hygiene and scent has the potential to be so fraught that I think messing with someone about it is on another level of messed up. I don’t know why she would do that to her coworker beyond simply enjoying others’ discomfort.

    3. Elle*

      Coworker simply sounds like a bully. Pretending someone stinks when they don’t? Classic mean girl move.

      1. I Have RBF*

        Seriously.

        I am actually very sensitive to artificial fragrances, as in coughing to the point I can’t get a breath in, as well as the headaches and watering eyes. We won’t talk about what wearing clothes with stinkum from the laundry does to me.

        But if it’s not affecting me? Then I have nothing to complain about! As long as your laundry detergent isn’t so thick with scent that it wafts three feet from your person, I shouldn’t notice it. If I smell your perfume but it doesn’t aggravate my issues, I will just enjoy it (many high end, essential oil based perfumes, like from BPAL, don’t aggravate my sensitivities, fortunately.)

        The conclusion that comes out of this harassment from a coworker might be that all ‘fragrance sensitive’ people are bullies, and it’s not true. This kind of crap makes dealing with actual sensitivities harder, IMO.

    4. Observer*

      But the *really* good update is that the Manger actually talked to her about her behavior. That tells me that she’s actually pretty decent.

      Because, yeah, CW was being a real jerk.

  10. Strive to Excel*

    Persistent and unidentified smells and tastes are absolutely maddening! I was recently on a short course of antivirals. One of the listed side affects was “metallic taste in mouth”, and only about ~12% of people get that one. So naturally that’s a side effect I had. For nearly a week, my mouth tasted like I’d licked the sole of my shoe and there was nothing I could do that helped. Not brushing my teeth, not chewing gum, nothing whatsoever. By the end of the week I was ready to start a hot sauce challenge in the hope of getting my taste buds to knock it off.

      1. Artemesia*

        the taste was so gross that the second time i had COVID I just didn’t get Paxlovid — I am very old but very well vaxed and had a very light case. The taste was just so gross that I didn’t want to go through that again.

        2. basically functional*

          Yup. That taste was the worst part of Covid for me. I don’t think I’d take Paxlovid again.

      2. Beany*

        Ditto. Just finished my second course, almost exactly a year after the first. Don’t miss the taste at all.

      3. Dry Erase Aficionado*

        Same! I ate a steady stream of Hot Tamales. One at a time, slowly, all day every day. It was the only thing that helped, and I haven’t been able to look at them in the 2 years since then.

      4. Indolent Libertine*

        Me too. Fortunately, sort of, my main Covid symptom was a horrible sore throat and cough, so I was constantly sucking on throat drops anyway and they mostly hid the Pax taste.

    2. Dahlia*

      I was in the hospital for a bit on IVs and I am one of the people who can taste it when they flush your IV. Absolutely bizarre experience.

        2. Elitist Semicolon*

          I recently had a contrast dye procedure and I could absolutely taste it. It wasn’t pleasant but at least it wasn’t outright disgusting either.

      2. JustaTech*

        There’s a compound used in frozen cells (like the super fancy CAR-T cancer treatments) called DMSO that makes you taste garlic, even if you just get a drop on your skin.

        It’s very, very weird.

    3. Bruce*

      My wife is getting her ear zapped for skin cancer, and she gets a metallic taste in her mouth for a day or so after the treatment. Still better than having skin cancer though!

    4. Clara Bowe*

      I am not making this up: Coke Zero Cherry. Not regular Coke Zero or Cherry Coke, Coke Zero Cherry. It takes the “licked an aspirin” taste away for a couple hours. It was SO WEIRD.

    5. desdemona*

      I wonder if the chemo-trick would work for this? I’ve had friends who’ve done chemo, which also leaves a bad taste in their mouths, and they have each said that lemon (& sometimes other citruses) does the trick in knocking the taste out for a bit.

    6. JustaTech*

      My mom got something called “pine mouth” from eating pine nuts (something she’s eaten all her life) where she had a persistent metallic taste for months.
      Apparently it can be caused by eating pine nuts from some species of pine tree but not others, but it’s almost impossible to know what species the pine nuts come from unless you pick them yourself or get them in Italy (not just imported from Italy). So my mom has just given up on anything with pine nuts, which is super sad because it means she can’t have normal pesto, she has to make it herself with pecans or almonds.

      1. Pizza Rat*

        Google “Orchiette with pistachio pesto.” I don’t have the link handy, but it’s fabulous.

  11. Lady Lessa*

    For curious nerds, like myself. Archeologists found some ancient Roman perfume bottles, had their favorite analytical chemists work on the residue in side and found patchouli.

    Link is in the next posting.

  12. Luna*

    Glad it worked out for LW but perfume scent can get embedded in clothing no matter how much you wash it.

    1. Sunflower*

      Except in this case, the smell no longer bother the coworker. Per the update, she just thought it was funny to keep winding the OP up.

      1. Observer*

        Actually, per the LW, the scent was not even coming from them. *And* whatever it was, the CW didn’t care and was just being a jerk.

    2. Consonance*

      I also generally take issue with the idea that scents like Patchoulli are less strong or less bothersome. My husband and I bought a chair off of one of his friends who was moving, someone who wears Patchoulli regularly, and two years later I can still smell a whiff of it every time I sit down in the chair. I’m lucky it doesn’t specifically bother me, but it’s noticeable and I’d rather it not be wafting at me so frequently.

      1. MsM*

        Yeah, I’m surprised. I think of patchouli as a heavier scent. Maybe it’s just used that way in most of the perfumes I run across.

        1. Good Lord Ratty*

          The LW never actually said they even wore patchouli; that’s just what their coworker accused them of doing.

        2. ScruffyInternHerder*

          I have come to accept that patchouli is the cilantro of the scent world – you like it or you don’t. There is no in between and there’s no fathoming the opposite. (I’m in the “this makes me sneeze for days category”, sorry guys!)

          1. jane's nemesis*

            It smells like gasoline to me! I have never understood how anyone can want it anywhere near them, so I am happy to hear this theory.

            1. Catagorical*

              Love cilantro, hate and medium allergic to patchouli. Love jasmine and medium allergic to it. That’s harder.

            2. Pizza Rat*

              Someone wearing patchouli smells to me like they were recently dipped in a cheap, caustic cleaning product. Borderline ammonia.

          2. allathian*

            Yeah, I hate cilantro too, it tastes like soap to me.

            Patchouli doesn’t make me sneeze, but it triggers my migraine like nothing else.

    3. Antilles*

      Perhaps, but if the perfume scent is already embedded in the clothing and won’t come out in the wash, what else can OP really do? It’s not a reasonable ask for OP to go out and buy a new work wardrobe.
      In this case, just so happened that OP had some long-stored clothes which were perfume free but what if that wasn’t the case and she just had the same ~20 or so work outfits that she rotates through, all of which have that embedded perfume scent?

      1. AMS*

        whenever I’ve had ingrained scents in clothes (usually stuff I’ve bought second hand) I will soak in a bucket with water and baking soda. If it isnt too bad I’ll just chuck some baking soda in the washing machine. The last top I bought I am still able to smell the previous owners perfume after doing this twice, but I’ve never had anythign else be this persistent.

        1. The Rural Juror*

          I recently used some Fabreze enzyme detergent that’s supposed to remove odors. It was so heavily fragranced that I ended up REwashing all the clothing items in unscented detergent and vinegar. That helped but I can still smell the Fabreze and it gives me a headache. I may have to try your trick instead.

    4. Observer*

      perfume scent can get embedded in clothing no matter how much you wash it.

      Except that’s not what was going on here. When the whether changed, the LW was wearing stuff that had never had that scent, and they also had *two* different people do a sniff test. So, yeah, if the CW was smelling something, it did not have anything to do with the LW’s (former) perfume.

    5. Delta Delta*

      This is true. There was a guy at my gym who had a smell that I swear you could smell from the parking lot. His clothes always appeared to be clean, but they were some kind of fabric that apparently could trap smells for eternity. I’d see him in other places in the community in other clothes – no smell. At the gym in his gym clothes – a smell like no other. It was 100% his clothes.

      1. Freya*

        I’ve found over years of dance classes that there are people whose body chemistry can react with the laundry detergent they’re using to produce a stank, no amount of antiperspirant or deodorant will fix the stank, and the heat from exercising makes it come out worse and permeate the air surrounding them. The only thing that fixes it is finding a detergent that doesn’t combine that way, which for some reason tends to be more likely to be a hypoallergenic brand.

      2. londonedit*

        Polyester, which is what most gym kit is made from, can definitely trap smells even if you’ve washed it. Then when you wear the kit again, and your body heat warms the fabric up, the smells come out. You can mitigate it by washing gym kit with a laundry disinfectant (not sure about other countries but here Dettol do one) and making sure it’s washed at a higher temperature and dried properly, but sometimes older kit can just keep trapping the sweat smell and you don’t realise until the next time you wear it.

        1. Tess McGill*

          Exactly this. I’ve had running shirts that smell fine after coming out of the laundry, and are ripe the minute I start wearing them. Polyester is vile.

    6. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

      The enzyme cleaners that you use for pet pee work pretty well in removing trapped odor from clothing – especially if it is baked in sweat/BO in workout clothes.

      But there are other scents I haven’t been able to ditch, the worst offender being whatever the perfume smell that all goodwill clothes seem to have.

      1. AScentTooFar*

        So much this! Before 2020, Goodwill was my regular source for lightly-used blue jeans and random housewares. Whatever sanitizing product they switched to during the height of the pandemic (and have kept using since), it’s nearly impossible to get the scent out of clothes. Around here it permeates the air in the stores so thoroughly that if I spend 20 minutes in one, the clothes I’m wearing start to pick it up, too. Same thing for the housewares: If I handle them, I have to wash my hands 2-3 times to get rid of the scent.

        I don’t buy clothes there at all anymore because it takes months to get the smell out, and housewares get left in the garage or on the porch for a few days before coming inside.

  13. Cabbagepants*

    what an awful, unhinged coworker. people should never be sniffed (!!) or interrogated about their hygiene products by colleagues.

    1. That Crazy Cat Lady*

      I can understand if someone is truly bothered by it, i.e. getting headaches, allergic, etc.

      But in this case, it turned out that the smell didn’t bother coworker at all, and she was just pretending it did because she thought it was funny to wind LW up about it. That’s just…bizarre.

      1. Roland*

        If you have to purposefully sniff your coworker to tell if they exude a smell then they don’t exude enough of a smell for it to matter because you could just. Not get close enough to sniff them.

      2. Cabbagepants*

        you can just ask your colleague to use unscented products and explain that it’s a serious issue for you, without demanding a run-down of every product they use. that’s just rude and intrusive.

  14. Bad Wolf*

    I was a patchouli hippie college student for a while. When I finally got bored with it (when I lost out on a potential boyfriend who couldn’t stand it), it took over a year to get the smell out of everything I owned. It was in my skin pores, in my hair. Stuff is relentless.
    But I’m glad to hear OP’s problem got solved quicker.

    1. Successful Birthday Rememberer*

      I still love patchouli and I refuse to change, even if I don’t wear it all the time.

      1. Jeanine*

        Same here. I love the smell of patchouli and use it all the time, and when my clothes are washed it’s gone it doesn’t linger in any way.

        1. Bad Wolf*

          It lingers. You’re just desensitized. I thought the same while I used it regularly.
          But if you love it, keep wearing it. There’s no harm.

        2. Emmy Noether*

          I don’t mind patchouli, but it liiiiiiingers. My aunt once gave me some clothes she was no longer wearing, and I could smell the patchouli on them for a good dozen wears/washes when pulling over my head. Longer on the synthetics.

          It’s normal to go noseblind on lower doses of one’s own smell.

        3. Coin_Operated*

          It lingers, you just can’t smell it. To each, their own, but patchouli has to be one of the worst smells of all time, right up there with garbage, road kill, and sewage.

      2. Hroethvitnir*

        I support you. People are so obnoxious about patchoulli – not that it’s not unpleasant for a lot of people, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be so common to actively sneer at it.

        /I’m not a huge fan, and use almost all unscented products because I prefer it, but I think it smells nice on my friend who likes it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    2. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      I still am! I mostly use BPAL scents these days but have an omnipresent whiff of incense around me. I did stop using essential oils once we got our cat though. A lot of those are very unhealthy for kitties.

  16. Khatul Madame*

    I would not wish patchouli on anyone, but I hope LW bought some scents with the indie shop gift card.

  17. Turingtested*

    How people smell is off limits for jokes in my opinion. just too sensitive of a topic. Like jokes about how many kids someone has or weight there are some things that shouldn’t be made light of at work.

  19. CeeBee*

    uh – after reading the update, preggo co-worker should have been written up. She thought it was funny to watch LW try to figure out the cause of the (non)smell? not cool

  20. carrot cake*

    I can’t stand it when people weave a web just for the pure pleasure of watching gleefully as as unsuspecting and especially underserving people struggle their way out of it. I mean, hell, get a damn life.

    That would be a write-up by me if I were that ass co-worker’s manager, with one and only one warning before termination.

  21. MicroManagered*

    The update on this one is wild. I had to read it twice to catch that the coworker ADMITTED she there was no smell and she was deliberately bullying OP on purpose? And she got a “talking to” about it?! I know this one’s old but if it were recent I’d be telling OP to escalate this with their grandboss and HR — not one or the other, BOTH!

    IDGAF who is pregnant, you can’t just tell your coworker they smell every day to screw with their head. OMG!!

    1. GenX, PhD, Enters the Chat*

      This reminds me of the AITA on Reddit where the husband kept going on and on about how much his wife stank, totally gaslighting her and making her feel awful, desperately trying all the products, and then she found out his DAD told him to tell her she stank so she’d have no self-esteem and never leave him. Anybody who tells you that you stink, daily, especially when you don’t? Definitely the a-hole.

  22. Filofaxes*

    “She was just being kind of a jerk with the sniffing thing, even though she can smell it, it doesn’t bother her and she said she thought it was funny to watch me freak out”

    Whoa, I missed that part of the update.

    So even when the coworker was Super Smeller, she was still just being a pain in the butt?? Umm, okay. Super rude. I’m normally not a fan of endless updates but I wouldn’t have minded a second update to see if the coworker was still that much of a jerk for no real reason (like maybe after the baby was born and the coworker was back from maternity leave).

    Honestly, did the $50 gift card actually compensate the LW for the money and time spent switching out their body washes and detergents, plus the mental stress of wondering if they smell???? If this were me, and the reason was “oh well I just thought it was funny, tee hee,” I think I’d be making sure that I had a new job by the time the coworker got back from maternity leave, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore of that nonsense.

  23. ViolaLib*

    Two things:
    1) the smell of patchouli literally makes me nauseous. And it can stick around for a LONG time. So I’m deeply sympathetic with anyone who is trying to avoid it at work. That being said:
    2) Unless all of this happened over a very short timeline, there’s very little chance that she was pregnant this whole time but just didn’t know it. Which means that LW’s coworker is just a jerk.

    1. ViolaLib*

      And even if she *was* pregnant for the whole time, being pregnant doesn’t give you an automatic “now I can make snarky comments without consequence” card, either.

    2. Dahlia*

      LW didn’t actually say they ever used patchouli, just that was what the coworker compared it to. All they mentioned was lemon-scented bodywash.

  24. LL*

    Wow. I would be SO ANGRY if a coworker was harassing about how I smelled and telling me to stop using scented products and then it turned out THE SMELL DIDN’T BOTHER HER and she was JUST MESSING WITH ME FOR FUN. Wow. What gall.

  25. No Longer a Bookkeeper*

    This is wild! I am very sensitive to scents – even good smells can give me a migraine if they’re super strong. (I walked into a Lush once and turned around and walked right back out lol.) I also HATE patchouli. But I could never ever ever imagine treating a coworker like this. And then admitting you were doing it on purpose to watch them freak out?? That’s horrid! (And stupid. Why would you admit that out loud???) I wonder what happened if/ when the coworker came back from maternity leave. I feel for her kid, tbh. My Dad does the “Say something horrible just to upset you” thing to bully me and it really sucks.

    1. Polly Hedron*

      I feel for her kid

      I do too. That bully is now the mother of a 6-year-old. That’s not good news.

      1. Literally a Cat*

        Maybe she got a little nicer now. I’m hopeful for people to develop into better people. Here is me hoping.

        1. Polly Hedron*

          Here is me doubting, because she’d have to get a lot nicer to become a decent mother. I suspect that instead she’s like No Longer a Bookkeeper’s dad.

  26. Werebloodhound*

    I remember that update! I think it was actually that update that made me realise that my sense of smell seems to be more sensitive at certain times during my cycle. No idea if that’s a real thing or if it’s ever been studied, but anecdotally it’s true for me. It’s allowed me to chill out a bit when a strong smell bothers me. Somehow a lot more tolerable if I know it’s only a few days that I’ll be this sensitve.

    1. Freya*

      No, it’s a thing, there’s been studies, most suggesting that menstruating people are more perceptive of scents in the latter half of their cycle, after ovulation.

    3. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      There’s a definite correlation to hormone levels. I knew I was hitting perimenopause when my sense of smell went through the roof. I can’t tolerate onion or garlic anywhere near me these days.

  27. Wonderland*

    “she said she thought it was funny to watch me freak out. Manager has talked to her about not taunting the coworkers.”

    So, OP worked with a troll.

    1. Sean*

      Agreed. The only thing that stinks in this office was the co-worker’s behaviour.

      I don’t remember reading it in the original comments (I may have missed it) but her behaviour wasn’t just limited to the OP – at one point the co-worker even went as far as to report the ‘smells’ to her MANAGER, just for the perverse pleasure of watching her colleague freak out. Involving the manager in her mind games takes it to a whole new level.

  29. A_Jessica*

    Read the update & this stuck out to me:
    >” she thought it was funny to watch me freak out. Manager has talked to her about not taunting the coworkers.”

    This co-worker has a mean streak finding it fun to watch someone “freak out” is super juvenile & rude.

    1. Pizza Rat*

      This co-worker has a mean streak finding it fun to watch someone “freak out” is super juvenile & rude.

      You have an excellent gift for understatement.

  30. Coffee and Plants*

    I know patchouli is a polarizing scent, but one of my best friends wears it and she is the sweetest person ever. We always joke that we can smell her coming down the road, and it definitely lingers on everything. But she’s one of my favorite people so it has a good connotation here!

  31. Smurfette*

    My son (high functioning autistic with some sensory stuff added to the mix) is often distressed by odours that nobody else picks up. But then will be fine with really disgusting smells that has everyone else gagging.

    OP’s coworker is a bit of an ass for making a big deal out of something that didn’t her though.

  32. SpaceySteph*

    Coworker is definitely a jerk for winding the OP up over smells that didn’t even bother her, but I can confirm phantom smells are totally a thing.

    I had terrible nausea with all 3 kids, but when I was pregnant with my 2nd I swore up, down, and sideways that our home fridge stank. Several times it actually made me throw up in the kitchen sink. I started holding my breath to open the fridge, grabbing something as quickly as possible, and closing the door before I could catch a whiff. My husband couldn’t smell anything but he still dutifully did a deep clean of the fridge a few times. When my nausea went away in the second trimester, the fridge smell also went away. Literally overnight, without finding any rotting leftovers or anything, the smell was just gone.

    1. Observer*

      but I can confirm phantom smells are totally a thing.

      Yes. And that makes her an even bigger jerk. Even if she were genuinely being bothered, by the time at least one person confirmed that no one else could smell anything, she should have realized that it’s *her*. And when you’re dealing with phantom smells, you don’t have to “sniff” (as you unfortunately discovered). So even before the update, it was clear that *she* was the problem.

      Of course the “reason” she didn’t realize is because she *knew* that there was nothing really going on here – she was simply trying to wind up a coworker. She was so busy with that, that she couldn’t even be bothered to think about what was going on with herself.

  34. Meep*

    Re: sensitive to odd scents well pregnant –

    I believe it. We have a cat who is not taking my pregnancy well since he cannot knead my stomach and had a UTI so he was peeing in my husband’s office. We put up a cat fermion thing to dissuade him from peeing in the office. Humans shouldn’t be able to smell it, but boy do I.

    I am glad it all worked out!

  35. Ms_Meercat*

    I loved this story!
    A few months ago I saw a story on Reddit where OP asked if she was the a-hole for asking her bf to make a minimal effort on personal hygiene and laundry because he smelled badly (apparently only showering once a week and washing clothes even more infrequently). I remembered this story and told OP how a colleague at work was making these insane efforts (like OP here changing products, laundry, going all unscented etc) and her bf couldn’t even be asked to take a shower once in a while.
    That day I found out that there are quite a few AAM readers on Reddit :)

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