update: my new employee ran a background check on me and asked me about what he found

by Alison Green on October 24, 2024

Remember the letter-writer whose new employee ran a background check on them and asked them about what he found? Here’s the update.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the blog today to find you had re-released my letter! I felt an update was owed to the commentariat.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciated your advice on this peculiar situation. It was a much-needed grounding and reminder of what “normal” should look like. While I was not able to participate when the post was originally published, I did read every single comment!

Your point about questionable judgement was SPOT on.

“Scott” was indeed a younger employee and deeply convinced of the superiority of his own intellect and gender. He had a 5-, 10-, and 15-year life plan with ambitious goals. Unfortunately, this was coupled with no more sense than God gave a goose. His previous work experience in an unrelated field left him the impression that it was absolutely reasonable to deeply examine the people around him but then “verify” his findings through research.

As part of his 5-year plan, he was applying for many roles within the company in search of advancement, despite not having relevant experience nor demonstrating development in any key skill areas. As mentioned in my letter, I was hired on in a line-level position and then promoted to a management position within a couple of months. In that industry, career advancement is often tied to re-assignment in diverse geographic locations (going where the work is) and arriving at a new location is accompanied by sharing bona fides with the team to build connections. Imagine you’ve worked for 20 years for the same company, but have moved eight times and never worked in the same place/with the same team more than two years in a row. I had spent a great deal of time grabbing opportunities as they arose, living out of suitcases, and working far, far too much. I had garnered some nice accolades in some faintly glamorous locales, but anyone who has done it knows that the luster is surface-level only.

Scott was intensely interested in my career experience and how I progressed in the field. Coupled with his desire for promotion and deeply flawed perceptions around reasonable follow-up, this led to the rather extraordinary situation I wrote in about.

Armed with the knowledge that Scott was about as intuitive as a pile of bricks, I was planning a follow-up conversation the next time we worked together. He beat me to the punch when he asked me AGAIN about the information he had found as soon as I approached his desk. This time with a copy of my booking photo pulled up on his screen. (!!!!) I reacted much more decisively this time, telling him to close the browsing window immediately and pulling him into the office for a one-on-one conversation.

Looking back, I think I used your phrasing almost verbatim around work boundaries and everyone deserving privacy. Scott was mostly confused by this response. In his view, it was perfectly reasonable to look for deeper information about almost anyone. His rationale behind asking me about what he’d found was he “wanted to alert me this information was out there.” I told him it was unacceptable behavior and demonstrated incredibly poor judgement that he’d dig this far into any colleague, much less his manager. Then to bring it up multiple times! The company completed background checks for every employee. If they had proceeded with the hire, one would assume that nothing relevant was in the report! I also let him know this was such an egregious situation, we would be documenting both conversations and issuing a write-up, and this endangered his future with the company.

After distance from the situation, I genuinely believe Scott was an incredibly intelligent person demonstrating that anyone can be an absolute idiot.

Did I document the situation in detail? Absolutely.

Did I discuss this with HR and my boss? Absolutely and she was ready to fire Scott. HR was flabbergasted and incredibly helpful in their handling of the situation. My documentation plan was supported with the agreement that Scott was on his on his final chance.

Did Scott get promoted into another position? Not while I was there.

After this incident, he did demonstrate an earnest desire to improve as a team member and make amends. We parted on decent terms. I actually wound up suggesting he read AAM regularly!

Unfortunately, my industry was one devastated by the pandemic. I wrote the letter in mid-2019. By March of 2020, almost my entire professional network was either unemployed or being overworked as skeleton staff. Driven by necessity, I grabbed a copy of Alison’s book How To Get A Job and, after giving some serious consideration about what I’d like out of my work moving forward, I re-tooled my resume and got to hunting.

I’ve successfully transitioned to a new, very different industry and landed a position with a great company. It offers a much better work-life balance and more reasonable employee culture. While I do sometimes miss my old career, my situation is much improved and I have been quite happy to be settled down.

I have no idea where Scott has landed but I wish him well. I will NOT be googling him.

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{ 183 comments }

{ 183 comments… read them below }

      1. tina turner*

        Agree!
        This guy REEKS of someone who has good qualities but if his judgment was this bad, it’ll be bad again. He could even have a problem I’m not going to diagnose but he may have something. Because many who have some kind of issue are not constantly acting out or waving a red flag.
        But when they do, we have to ask if we get the vibe that he could do it again. He could.

        1. Mentally Spicy*

          I will also not be diagnosing Scott. However, I am exactly the sort of person who may Google something out of idle curiosity and be intrigued enough by what I find that suddenly it’s four hours later, I’ve done a deep dive into the subject and am now on my way to becoming a subject matter expert in it.

          Now, would I approach someone to ask them to clarify what I found out about them? No. I’m 47 years old and can do a good impression of a functional human being. Would I when I was much younger? Yes, I think I possibly would.

      2. Miss Chanandler Bong*

        “He had a 5-, 10-, and 15-year life plan with ambitious goals. Unfortunately, this was coupled with no more sense than God gave a goose.”
        “Armed with the knowledge that Scott was about as intuitive as a pile of bricks”
        “After distance from the situation, I genuinely believe Scott was an incredibly intelligent person demonstrating that anyone can be an absolute idiot.”

        I’m dying of laughter

        3. Katherine*

          “You’re not stupid, but you are a dumbass” is something I’ve been tempted to say to a few people. Intelligent, great in particular situations or very knowledgeable, but zero common sense.

          3. Scholarly Publisher*

            The most valuable thing I learned from playing D&D in college is the concept of “Intelligence 18; Wisdom 3”.

        4. Eastendbird*

          I had not heard the phrase “no more sense than God gave a goose” before and so, I’m afraid, I googled it…

        5. Nica*

          I worked with a woman similar to Scott in having a 5, 10, 15 year plan. She’d tell anyone who would listen at the company that she would be c-suite within five years, would change the company, etc. While she was an intelligent young woman, she spent far too much time hyping herself and far too little time on, you know, working. Within six months she was on a PIP and six months later, she was shown the door.

          Not sure where she ended up, but I hope she gained some wisdom (and a bit of humility) from the entire experience.

      3. Queen Stapler*

        Yes! This update was gold. I’ll be stealing “as intuitive as a pile of bricks” among some other goodies. Best read all day!!

    3. Dry Cleaning Enthusiast*

      Although, part of me now is constructing the scenario where Scott works with the person who answers questions like “Are you married?” with “Sometimes”. Inexorable force meets immovable object, etc.

          2. Sleeve McQueen*

            This reminds me of an anecdote from the excellent book Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland. In the 1970s and 1980s whenever the police would bring in Gerry Adams for questioning he would flatly deny that he was Gerry Adams. Now, given that he was one of the most high-profile (alleged) members of the IRA and very well known, this was an absurd thing to do, but it ended up wasting a lot of time verifying his identity.

      2. Heffalump*

        There’s actually a poignant mid-70s song, “Sometimes,” by The Facts of Life, that begins like this:

        “Hello, baby. Are you married?”

        “Sometimes.”

      3. Irish Teacher.*

        I’m now imagining:
        Scott: I see you have a conviction for…/live in…/whatever.
        Secretive LW: Maybe.
        Scott: Maybe?
        Secretive LW: Yeah, I might and I might not. Who knows?
        Scott: Um, well, I saw it online.
        Secretive LW: Sometimes that’s true and sometimes it isn’t.

        Actually, responding to Scott is one situation where that tactic might actually be appropriate.

    4. Felix*

      And yet, all I want now is to be able to google Scott and know how he’s progressed. Such a teaser of a line.

      1. Juicebox Hero*

        It’d be sweet sweet karma if he’d had to spend a night in the hoosegow over an insurance snafu somewhere in there.

      3. Anonymous Cat*

        It’s too bad someone can’t volunteer to run the google search for LW! And then let us know…..

  2. Mouse named Anon*

    I remember this letter! I also remember being flabbergasted by the fact you spent the night in jail over this and at Scott! I am glad you have moved onto to bigger and better things OP!

    1. NotBatman*

      Yes! Reminded me of the time a job ran a background check on me and then called to interrogate me about my “criminal record.” I was flabbergasted, and assumed it had to be an error.

      Turns out I a) renewed my car’s registration late because the state sent the reminder to the wrong address, b) got hit with a fine mailed to the same wrong address, and c) got charged with a misdemeanor for the unpaid fine. Gotta love bureaucracy.

      1. SALC*

        I had a similar issue, where I hat moved to a new state and registered my car there, which was supposed to automatically contact the old state and unregister but it just didn’t work. So the old state at some point sends us mail asking for proof of insurance and obviously e we don’t receive the mail as we had moved. So they then take the move of suspending our licenses for driving without insurance supposedly! So when I moved back to this state and finally got a drivers license for the first time I had to pay a fine to ‘unsuspend’ my previously nonexistent license first. So stupid. (I make the money so our car loan and therefore the car were in my name too which is why it impacted me despite not driving the car)

        1. Really?*

          Similar thing happened to me as well. Changed Se insurance companies, and the old insurance company notified the state that I was no longer covered. The new insurance company didn’t notify the state that I was covered. My license was suspended, and I was unknowingly driving without a license for several months when I was stopped for a minor traffic violation. In some counties in this state, that would’ve absolutely have landed you a night in jail. Luckily not where I was – just had to pay a fine and turn up in person at DMV with proof of insurance.

      2. A1i.j*

        Reminds me of a government background check where they asked me about my sibling who was born in the Philippines… I am an only child. I was shocked and asked, are you trying to tell me something?? After going back and forth for a bit, we realized that they confused my aunt for my sibling, and I remain an only child!

  3. Hlao-roo*

    Thank you for this update! Good for you for talking to Scott, and I hope he’s pulled back on his “research” deep-dives on anyone/everyone around him. I’m glad you landed at a good job in the new industry!

  4. H.Regalis*

    Thanks for the update!

    If this were D&D, Scott would have a high INT score and abominably low WIS and CHA scores. Good god.

    2. JB*

      It’s the difference between having intellectual and emotional intelligence. The former is having knowledge, the latter is knowing how to express, apply or not express or apply it. Hopefully Scott has learned just because he can look up information doesn’t mean he needs to do so, or follow it up.

  5. Dark Macadamia*

    Pretending he was “just informing” LW while asking “clarifying questions” and finding the PHOTO is wild. Like LW needs to be told the concept of a background check exists, and that somehow requires him to have more details?

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      “Hey boss, did you know you got arrested once?” is the conversation I imagine happening, since it sounds like Scott is enough of a doofus to not realize that what he’s saying is completely unnecessary and dopey.

      1. PhyllisB*

        I can. My youngest granddaughter ( who lived with me) had to have her two top teeth removed because of extreme decay, so until her permanent teeth came in she was a genuine smaggletooth. When she was about 2 and half, a lady at church came up me and said, “Did you know Granddaughter is missing her two top teeth?!” I looked shocked and said, “Really? I had no idea. I’d better talk to her parents about it!!” Luckily, church lady had a sense of humor and realized how ridiculous she sounded and laughed.
        Bottom line, people are amazingly dumb sometimes.

        1. Insufficient Sausage Explainer*

          I lost my 2 upper front teeth in separate accidents (I was a very accident-prone child) at the ages of 3 and 6. I spent several tedious years having adults sing “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” at me. I hope your granddaughter is young enough that people have forgotten that flipping song!

          1. Insufficient Sausage Explainer*

            Coda: My adult teeth had only been fully through a few months when, while using my cardigan as a skipping rope, I tripped and broke a corner off one of the replacement teeth…

    2. WellRed*

      I can’t even fathom the thought of finding your new bosss mug shot and saying “hey, look what I found!”

      1. MigraineMonth*

        I mean, I can imagine that, but only as part of a blackmail attempt or to constantly undermine the boss. Bringing it up with no apparent end goal in the belief that this is a normal way to interact is mind-boggling.

    3. Da Buffa*

      It is always good to have compromising information on your co-workers and, especially, your manager. There is a person at my company who can never be fired because he has compromising material on a particular C-suite figure.

      Scott’s mistake was sharing that he had compromising material. The first rule of Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club.

      1. Cthulhu's Librarian*

        The problem with relying on compromising information to keep your job is that you’ll either run into me, who will laugh at you and fire you for attempting to blackmail me, even if it means I also get fired…

        Or you’ll run into someone who decides to bury you with the information.

      2. Irish Teacher.*

        And the information also has to be…actually compromising. There really is nothing here. Yeah, I’m sure it was an embarrassing incident for the LW, but if he did tell anybody, “you know the LW was arrested, all she would have to do is tell them the context and the response would just be, “oh yikes, that was bad luck.”

        I’m not convinced it was about having compromising information anyway (though obviously, that is just my guess and it could just as easily be that it was). I see it as a power play in a slightly different way, more about “cutting the LW down to size” and “putting her in a position where she has to justify herself to him, as if he were the boss.” It’s a game teenagers, especially teenage boys, sometimes play with younger teachers, trying to put them in a position where if the tell the teenager off, they end up sounding defensive – “don’t ask me personal questions” – which makes the kid feel they’ve “won” and if they answer, that makes the kid feel they’ve “won” by forcing the teacher to give them an answer.

        I’m guessing Scott saw it as going some way like this.
        Scott: “LW, I just wanted to speak to you about that arrest in your background check.”
        LW: *goes bright red and glances down at the floor* “Um…I…ah, don’t really want to talk about that.”
        Scott (kindly): “Oh, it’s all right. I just wanted to clarify if it happened in X state or Y state.”
        LW: “It…it was X state.” *hurries off, in a state of fluster*
        Scott: *grins to himself*

        I imagine it as a bit like that advice to “think about your audience naked,” that Scott wanted to change the narrative from the one where she is the confident, competent experienced manager and he the new graduate without “the brains God gave a goose” to one where he is all-knowing and she reminded of an embarrassing moment.

  6. Bruce*

    You handled it well, and it sounds like he did learn a lesson. Understand why you feel well shut of him though! Scott if you are out there reading AAM don’t comment, just take the L and do better.

  7. Anne Shirley Blythe*

    A copy of the booking photo on his screen. WTAF.

    I am truly glad you had a decent HR and everything worked out. I did half-expect to see another account of outrageous Scott behavior, though–the proverbial last straw. A “so I located your house on Google Maps; why do you prefer using Route 1 to get to work?” kind of thing. It was soo hard to not skip ahead.

  8. Berin*

    I may just be a Cynical Sally, but I am still very much of the mindset that Scott’s actions were meant to put himself in a position of power over OP, especially by having the booking photo pulled up on his screen. OP sounds extremely well-suited to management, because my reaction would have been much more unprofessional, and I’m not sure I could have forced myself to continue to manage Scott.

    All that to say: way to be, OP!

      1. Bob the Sourdough Starter*

        Me too. Especially with the comment about how he thinks being male means he is better than women. He was trying a power play, but he lacks the EQ to do it well.

        That’s why HR wanted to fire him – I’m not sure why the original poster resisted!

      1. Wilbur*

        I could see it working. Frequently changing teams and working with new people, I could see someone panic and worry about getting their next assignment. Plenty of stories out there about people confessing to crimes they never committed because they were pressured by the police and were worried about missing work, losing their job, etc. I can imagine if it was someone much earlier in their career (OP mentioned a lot of supervisory experience in the original post) panicking. I don’t think I would’ve been so generous with Scott, the whole thing seems so sketchy.

        1. Expelliarmus*

          Makes sense. I’m reminded of the letter where two of the OP’s employees played a horrible prank on another employee, making her think she was going to prison. There was a comment thread on that post’s update where someone was like “she didn’t work with money; she couldn’t have possibly committed fraud”, and it was pointed out that the burden of proof was not on her side, among other things.

        2. a clockwork lemon*

          If someone ever tried to pull a stunt like that on me I’d probably just laugh. Like, does Scott think people don’t know when they’ve been arrested? Does Scott think the company gives a single fig that someone forgot to pay a speeding ticket? Maybe if LW had been in jail, like, that weekend I guess but I’m struggling to think of any context where working adults who have already cleared corporate background checks would consider this “blackmail material.”

          (Disclaimer: I, a lawyer, had a bench warrant for my arrest issued when I was 17 due to some sort of court date mixup on a speeding ticket. My husband, also a lawyer, got arrested for possession in college. The legal ethics commission was not concerned about admitting two such hardened criminals to the practice of law when we got our licenses.)

        3. MigraineMonth*

          I hope this isn’t too derailing, but the consequence for pleading not guilty can be months or years in jail, even for minor crimes.

          Kalief Browder was 16 years old and accused of stealing a backpack with valuables in it. Thanks to his “not guilty” plea, this literal child, who had not been convicted of any crime, spent three years in Riker’s prison (nearly two years of which was in solitary confinement).

          In the end, all charges against him were dropped. He died by suicide 2 years after his release.

      2. ferrina*

        Yeah, the high INT, low WIS. He had the intelligence to find the “dirt” but not the wisdom to know what dirt actually looks like.

        I still suspect this is a backfired powerplay. OP says Scott was confused by OP’s explanation about boundaries and privacy- but Scott could have been confused that OP wasn’t reacting the way he had anticipated. When I’ve dealt with Power Player Posers, they are genuinely confused when their oh-so-brilliant-scheme backfires. Scott showed no empathy for how his coworkers or even OP might have felt- he wasn’t mortified or showed any kind of sense of “wow, I may have accidentally made my coworkers deeply uncomfortable.”
        I think it was the real-world repercussions that finally got Scott’s attention. OP was very smart to bring this to HR and the boss. And I’m glad they were properly horrified. Scott changed his ways (that OP could tell), but only after OP told him that the old ways were damaging Scott’s career.

    4. Hendry*

      I don’t see how it’s a power play…So he had knowledge of an extremely minor traffic mixup. Where’s the leverage and what could he possibly do with this info?

      1. Mr. Mousebender*

        “Where’s the leverage and what could he possibly do with this info?” WE recognise that there’s nothing to leverage here, but clearly Scott didn’t.

        A power play is still a power play even if it’s carried out incompetently by someone with less grasp on logic than your average mollusk.

      2. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

        Scott was probably expecting LW to be horrified to be found out, beg him to keep quiet about it, etc. Which would leave LW “owing” him for the “favor”.

        And yes, the mixup was minor, but it did land LW in jail overnight.

      3. DramaQ*

        I don’t see how it’s a power play…So he had knowledge of an extremely minor traffic mixup. Where’s the leverage and what could he possibly do with this info?

        Most people who try these types of power plays are not very smart.

        I’m guessing he’s watched one too many TV shows where people get ahead by blackmailing over some of the dumbest stuff that in the real world wouldn’t mean squat.

        Given he was fairly young at the time I can see how he formed his perception of the working world. I know working in a lab I have to disabuse so many young people of things they learned watching forensic crime shows. That someone got the idea the way you move ahead in corporate America is to be like Mad Men wouldn’t shock me.

        I hope HR and the LW’s boss put the fear of God into him. I would be skeptical that Scott was smart enough to change as a whole but at least he shut up about the LW.

        1. Salsa Your Face*

          And yet even in Mad Men, when Pete tried to exert power over Don by revealing what he knew, the bosses smacked him right back down with a perfectly times “Who cares?”

          1. goddessoftransitory*

            Exactly: Pete thought he had some hot goss, only to find out that the bosses knew all about it and also knew it bought them Don’s loyalty. They were doing this when Pete was in short pants.

            1. Mango Freak*

              They didn’t know about Don’s secret. Bert Cooper just valued the Don he knew, didn’t begrudge him a past, and (likely) didn’t want to give any power or satisfaction to a smug college brat who’d never even served in a war.

      4. MigraineMonth*

        Booking photos are regularly used to blackmail people. They’re visually dramatic and carry strong associations with criminality even though being arrested does not mean you were actually committing a crime or were ever convicted.

        A lot of counties require that arrest records be publicly available. This can be beneficial, since it makes it harder for police to “lose” people they’ve arrested, and journalists can investigate arrest patterns. However, this system was developed before the internet.

        A number of sites are set up to scrape these arrest records for your name and booking photo, an they pay to get high in the search results. Don’t want that night you were booked for “resisting arrest” (with no actual cause to arrest) to come up when HR at the place you applied looks up your name? Don’t worry, for the low price of $800 they’ll take the photo down.

      5. Wilbur*

        OP tells us it was an insurance snafu. We don’t know what Scott thought it was, and we don’t know what it was listed at in the background check he got. In Illinois my understanding is that driving without insurance is a petty offence and you can’t be arrested for it. It’s possible Scott was asking which state it happened in to figure out what kind of offense is was, but I don’t want to dive deeper in this whole thing. Scott was extremely invasive, I’d be concerned he’d do the same to an important business partner and the whole thing is so weird I don’t think I’d give him the benefit of the doubt.

      6. Saturday*

        A lot of people, when they see a booking photo, are not going to assume an extremely minor traffic mixup, so most people are pretty motivated to prevent the people they work with from knowing they’ve been arrested. At the very least, most people are going to be a bit rattled when that is brought up in the workplace. It’s good that the OP remained calm and that her boss was supportive, but I think it’s easy to see why the employee thought it might work as a power play.

    5. learnedthehardway*

      I agree with you – Scott thought he could lean on the OP to extort favourable treatment based on his “discovery”. No doubt he thought he’d get juicier assignments, better performance ratings, or something like that.

      Not very bright, but definitely evil.

    6. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Yeah. Was it Captain Awkward who recently had a letter where the OP was worried he was going to get blackmailed and how they weren’t ashamed of the blackmail material, they just weren’t public about it and Capt said that the OP actually held the power in the situation, because if they just tell people what’s going on then the blackmailer won’t have anything to use as blackmail material?

      Anyway, it’s entirely possible Scott was hoping to use this knowledge to his own advantage but was too inept to figure out how. (I’m not so cynical to think that; I tend to think he was just clueless, but who knows.)

      1. Slow Gin Lizz*

        Update: it WAS Captain Awkward but the letter was pretty awful so I won’t post a link here. Feel free to look for it yourself, though.

        1. Ally McBeal*

          I was SO disappointed in that OP… and glad Captain set them straight. I doubt we’ll ever get an update from that person, but I really, really want one.

    7. LL*

      I agree completely. While I hope he’s actually changed his attitude about this, I’m not convinced he has. I’m glad he got better to work with though.

  9. Successful Birthday Rememberer*

    I love that he was confused when confronted. Those kinds of things keep me humble. If anyone can be so unbelievably wrong in their logic, anyone can.
    Glad he was open to changing his behavior. He reminds of the OP who wanted to borrow the CEO’s assistant despite being told no, but still wanted the assitant to call the CEO on his day off and ask if she could work for OP.

    I aspire to the level of confidence that these men have. Heck, I aspire to the level of confidence of a common housecat.

    1. Pyanfar*

      A tweet by writer Sarah Hagi, who said she started with a daily prayer, “God, give me the confidence of a mediocre white dude”.

    2. Bob the Sourdough Starter*

      He wasn’t confused for the reasons you think.

      He was confused because he thought he was being a clever blackmailer, and it didn’t go how he imagined.

      1. Colorado*

        Wait, I have a goose named Moose who is a very intelligent guardian animal an will alert the rest of the farm animals by squawking when a predator is near. Moose is definitely smarter than Scott ;-)

        1. Consonance*

          That’s well and good when a moose dreams of moose juice.
          And nothing goes wrong when a goose dreams of goose juice.
          But it isn’t too good when a moose and a goose
          Start dreaming they’re drinking the other one’s juice.

          1. Salsa Your Face*

            There’s a line in a Sandra Boynton book that goes “a goose and a moose together have juice…but not the hippopotamus” that is now and forever stuck in my head!

            1. Consonance*

              She got it from Dr. Seuss’s Sleep Book (I quoted it just above). He has a whole bit about moose juice and goose juice!

    2. Ostrich Herder*

      I came to the comments specifically to say how much I loved this phrase. Thanks so much for the update, OP, it was a treat to read!

    4. Jojo*

      Based on the well earned reputation of Geese, I would suggest not insulting them by comparing them to duller knives in the drawer.

        1. Max*

          Yeah, I can’t help thinking of the Untitled Goose Game goose, who would certainly be capable of carrying out successful blackmail.

    5. Overit*

      Fascinating that phrase is new to people. all of my grandparents (born in the 1910s) used this phrase.

      1. Ally McBeal*

        Yes, I’ve heard/read it before – possibly in Anne of Green Gables? Or Amelia Bedelia? But I’d forgotten it, and it’s a fantastic phrase, so I hope I’ll have an opportunity to use it sometime soon.

    6. Nathan*

      I as well. This is an amazing phrase and I think it is indicative of the good humor and aplomb which with this poster has navigated this odd situation.

  11. Homeburger*

    Great update! My actual job is to do deep-dive research on current and potential clients and every once and a while I’ll come across a colleague’s name (employees in one area of our business might be customers in another) and I just mark them as finished without looking them up! I don’t even think we have a policy about that, its just common sense! And I do find potentially embarrassing info on a client – just saw one who got arrested for shoplifting when they were 19, charges were dropped – and I will only include it in my report if it is clearly relevant to our business.

  12. MCL*

    “No more sense than God gave a goose” is an incredible turn of phrase that I have deep affection for, and elicited a huge chortle out of me. This is a fantastic update. Gosh, I feel like we’ve all met a Scott, who has all the brains in the world but negative zero common sense. I’m so glad you talked to him – even though he was perplexed. Thank you for this very entertaining update and I’m so happy you’re in a better spot.

  13. I'll have the blue plate special, please.*

    Good to hear it worked out, OP. You might want to block him from your online channels (i.e., LinkedIn), if you haven’t already.

  15. Meep*

    Welp. I understand the appeal of light internet stalking, but checking out their Facebook and LinkedIn is as far as it should go. Maaaaybe if they have a public Instagram in their name just to see if they have a dog. Do it once late at night when you cannot sleep and be done. Repeatedly searching for and paying to see your boss’s personal information is way too much and boarders on actual stalking.

    I definitely would’ve let him be fired, tbh.

    1. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

      > just to see if they have a dog

      This got an actual guffaw. Thank you!

      1. Meep*

        Hey, if their Instagram use their real name and is right below their LinkedIn account when I Google, it is my God-given right to see the doggo. Its a fair tax.

    2. TheBunny*

      Looking up a boss or coworker on LinkedIn is fine IMO. Heck you are encouraged to connect with work people there. Other than that? Nope.

      1. Meep*

        Yeah, the only reason I said Facebook is depending on age, some people for whatever reason are more open about their employment history on FB than LinkedIn, or they will have their profile pic on their FB but not LinkedIn. (Which I only want to see what they look like so I don’t make a “who is this weirdo?” face when I first meet them.) IDK why, because they are both owned by the same company.

        Instagram is a weird one. If it is the 3-5 search result down while I am Googling for your LinkedIn (since LinkedIn’s search feature is ass), I will probably spend 30 seconds with a quick scroll for that dog, because you are the one using your government name on social media.

  19. Jen in OR*

    “We parted on decent terms. I actually wound up suggesting he read AAM regularly!”

    If Scott comments on this, I. Will. PLOTZ.

    2. House On The Rock*

      I wonder if Scott was aware how razor thin the ice was under him and that OP actually advocated for him not being fired. Part of me hopes he does see this and fully recants his earlier views and actions!

    3. Old Woman in Purple*

      Just in case Scott took OPs advice and is reading this: I do hope he took the lessons to heart, and is having an amazing life! (Tho, understand him not wanting to comment in public….)

    4. ExCon(sultant)*

      Yes, I was wondering that, too! If Scott is still reading AAM, then he’s probably made some progress in understanding norms around how much to look into colleagues’ personal lives. This is a great way to learn about appropriate norms. I wish both the letterwriter and Scott all the best and I’m glad things worked out well! Thanks for the awesome update!

  20. Roberta*

    Thank you for this update OP! I am sorry your field got decimated by Covid but am glad you are somewhere that brings you new adventures.

    Scott was just baffling. The idea of bringing this info repeatedly without any reason that was job-related, apparently just because he wanted you to know he has it (“clarification” my ass) is a truly bonkers idea outside of an HBO drama.

    May this be a learning moment for him.

    1. wickyj*

      Pete Campbell did almost the same thing on Mad Men, and it didn’t go great for him (and in that case, it was actually background with potential professional implications).

    2. Audogs*

      Great update! At one point I was “coaching” OP to also ask him about misuse of company time and resources.

    1. 3-Foot Tall Inflatable Rainbow Unicorn*

      Sounds like a place he’d excel, considering that he was already doing extra background checks on company time!

    2. Glad I'm Not in the Rat-Race Any More.*

      I was about to suggest the job some museums and charities have, where the fundraising staff do deep-dive research on potential donors looking for dirt that might take accepting their money questionable (how many institutions recently had to take the name “Sackler” off their buildings?) BUT!!!! If Scott’s first instinct was to attempt a power-play move on someone he’d researched, his time in this field would not last beyond the first time he tried to talk to a potential donor about what he’d found.

      1. Book Addict*

        I do that job, and we do not want Scott. :D You absolutely have to have the common sense to know what info to raise to whom and what is none of your flipping business! :D (And also, we are 100% forbidden from looking up coworkers or looking at each other’s records.)

        1. WFH4VR*

          I also do that job. Only once did I look up a former employee’s address, and that was because they were fired unjustly and I wanted to send them a commiseration note.

  22. It's Marie - Not Maria*

    Honestly, at our Company, many of our employees have software that runs background information on people as part of their jobs. This would 100% be considered misuse of company systems, and is a terminatable offense. The temptation is there to look into the personal lives of celebrities, professional athletes, politicians, etc. so we have very specific guidelines regarding when and how this software can be used. We have terminated several employees who used it for other than business purposes. It’s people like Scott who make us have these guidelines.

    1. Hendry*

      That seems different though than this letter. From what I gather Scott got this information from publicly available sources, not a private company system.

      Still completely wrong but I can see why Scott wasn’t terminated

    2. Lady Danbury*

      My very first post-college job was at a bank and included a rotation as a teller. While my 21 year old self was curious about family members’ bank account balances (most of my family banked there), even back then I had enough sense to know that looking them up would be a gross invasion of privacy and violation of bank policy. My later stint in internal audit confirmed that this is something that they monitor!

  24. JJ*

    The whole Googling people you used to work to see what they’re up to is dangerous. Sometimes you find they’ve completely lived up to the potential you saw and have put together an amazing career and sometimes you find them on the sex offender registry.

      1. Arrietty*

        Wait, hang on! That only happened in my head, it appears (I guess I either confused it with another letter or mentally inserted it after the “superiority of his gender” comment). Ignore me. But I agree, almost 99% certain.

  26. Seal*

    After distance from the situation, I genuinely believe Scott was an incredibly intelligent person demonstrating that anyone can be an absolute idiot.

    Having spent my entire career in academia, I’ve lost track of the number of well-educated idiots I’ve met.

    That said, as a late-career middle-aged woman I’ve also managed or worked with early-career staff members who were deeply convinced of the superiority of their own intellect and gender. Being surrounded by intelligent if not brilliant colleagues who still had to work their way up and didn’t hesitate to let everyone know it humbled most of them. Seeing one of their “game-changing” ideas fail because they didn’t do their homework humbled others. But a few were so threatened by the idea others did not share their overly-inflated opinion of themselves or that they might actually have to work to get ahead that they tried to sabotage people’s careers. Those were the ones you had to watch out for.

  27. Number22*

    I applaud seeing a manager who had the confidence and courage to address this, let alone on the spot! I feel like more and more, I’m seeing managers who don’t want to actually, ya know, manage.

  28. juliebulie*

    Thank you for this update! I still don’t understand why Scott thought this was reasonable to do in the first place. Maybe now he won’t do it to other people – or at least he won’t be dumb enough to let them know.

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      This letter reminds me of a friend with an unusual first name who did a lot of internet dating before she met her now-husband. One date she told us about later was with a guy who asked her some very specific questions about her life history – turns out he’d googled just her first name and occupation and found out a whole bunch of stuff about her. And he admitted it! I understand googling people if you’re meeting them for work or an interview or something – it’s good to have some background on them, I guess? – but it’s really weird to do it before a first date! And even if you do it for work, be cool about it, don’t just outright bring up very personal things you find there, keep it to stuff in their LinkedIn profile. Although actually, even for work I suggest only looking at LinkedIn and maybe their website bio and any publications they have written, don’t be digging deep into their personal history, am I right?

      1. Marcela*

        I could see doing it before a first date with someone you met on the internet or who doesn’t have any other connection to you. Better to Google than to find out you’re dating someone who has a long rap sheet. I think I would keep that info quiet, though.

      2. Aeryn*

        It’s totally normal to do it before a date – you don’t want to go on a date with a convicted murderer.

        It is a massive rookie error to let your date know you googled them – you both maintain the polite fiction you haven’t looked each other up.

      3. WellRed*

        I don’t think think it’s weird at all to google someone you are going on a date with and doubly so for women. But with all googling keep it brief.

      4. alle*

        I also have an unusual first name. Once a guy Googled me after one date and sent me an email to my workplace address! That was after I had dodged his demands for my email address on the dating site.

    2. KC*

      I think the concept of privacy is non-existent to a lot of people in his age group, because they didn’t really have any growing up thanks to helicopter parenting. I see a lot of Gen Z people getting mad or feeling slighted/suspicious when a member of their friend group doesn’t have Life36o on.

      It’s certainly not all of them, but I do see it a lot.

    3. Homeburger*

      Even if you’re just googling your colleagues you should have enough sense to keep it to yourself!

  29. HugeTractsofLand*

    Fantastic update with some great turns of phrase. I’m glad you dealt so resoundingly with Scott and it says a lot or positive things about your character that you continued to work with him even after this BS. Pointing him towards AAM is probably the best thing you could do for him if he’s that crap at soft skills. I hope you keep thriving!

  30. Happily Retired*

    After reading OP’s comments on the career track in her industry, and the fact that it was badly affected by the pandemic, I put 2 and 2 together and got 17.3 – I’m guessing that she was in hotel/ hospitality.

    As a somewhat unwilling hotel guest on and off since September 27, and seeing both wonderful and horrendous treatment of other evacuated guests, I’m very grateful to OP for trying to civilize Scott, whether it took or not. The last thing a traveler needs is to have to deal with a front-desk or management person with terrible human relation skills.

    Great update!

    1. RM*

      Oh interesting! I did not think about this, but, task force assignments do fit this story really well. Hospitality definitely has more than its share of people who excel in one or two aspects of a job and are are confounding, ridiculous failures at other tasks

  31. fluffy*

    Some of what “Scott” said to justify his actions reminds me very, very much of a stalker I had recently; he was infatuated with me and saw me as super successful and wanted to know everything about me so that he could replicate that success. This included finding my birth name and my home address, for some reason, but did not include understanding my need for privacy.

    Good on you for managing to get Scott on a much better path as far as boundaries are concerned. Or at least, we can only hope.

  32. oooooooooh*

    Honestly, I work in media and this so reminds me of a colleague. Or several colleagues… Or a dozen……..

  33. BigLawEx*

    I once worked for a company with the secondary product of databases (B2B). We got free access. I looked up about two people I’d fallen out of touch with, and myself to see what was there. The thought of looking up colleagues…just never crossed my mind.

    1. allathian*

      I have access to a few systems for my job that contain personal data and other private information. Looking up a friend I’d fallen out of touch with would get me fired so fast… And I work for the government in Finland, where employee protections even in the private sector are much better than in the US.

      Key loggers are illegal here and the IT dept has better things to do than keep tabs on what people do on their company computers most of the time. Email privacy covers firstname.lastname@company.com addresses but not role-based addresses like HR@company.com. The employee needs to be suspected of serious wrongdoing for the company to be allowed to access the *headers* of their email messages, and those messages can only be read if the header/recipient/attachments look suspicious in some way. But usage and access logs are kept to ensure that people don’t look at info they have access to unless there’s a clear work-related reason to do so.

  34. Blarg*

    In the early 00s, I learned on the news that my relatively new boss at a small non profit had just pleaded guilty to embezzling from his prior employer, a community college. A coworker who had also seen the report came to my office the next day, closed the door, and asked about it. Together we approached the CEO. He explained that he and the board knew, and had structures in place to ensure he had no access to any money, ongoing counseling, etc. They believed in second chances.

    They could have made it so we didn’t find out on the news, but that’s how you handle it. As far as I know, he had a successful long tenure and eventually retired from that job.

    Cannot imagine confronting him about it directly, and this was actually new info!

    1. Irish Teacher.*

      And it was actually relevant information. The crime was work-related and your concern was to ensure that the CEO knew, not to find out what state it happened in.

  36. NoBananaPants*

    A huge thank you to OP for the update! There are a lot of stalker Scotts around, I had one but he was/is a pastor! To this day I have no idea why he felt the need to lurk in my FB/Instagram, other than he was an insecure, immature….person.

  37. Yowza for updates!*

    Ha! I had literally just added this to the request for updates thread (asking for an update) when I scrolled back up and there it was!!!! Yay!

    1. Yowza for updates!*

      p.s. As long as my wishes are being granted so expeditiously, can someone send me a couple million dollars? Oh, and some donuts. Thanking you in advance. :-)

  39. restingbutchface*

    OP, this closure is absolutely stunning. It also shows the strength of your character. I’m not sure I could have got over it. Compassion, professionalism *and* robust record keeping?? I’d ask you to marry me but you’re out of my league.

  40. ECBeace*

    If Scott took their advice he now knows his former manager was “Armed with the knowledge that Scott was about as intuitive as a pile of bricks”! Hi Scott!

  41. LadyHouseOfLove*

    Hey Scott,

    If you read this, I hope you changed. I hope you realize how grateful you should be to your manager to have not been punished severely. And I (somewhat) hope you never have to deal with an employee that found out what you tried to do to your manager and bring it up to you the way you did with your manager’s photo. Count your blessings.

  42. Anonymous Cat*

    I’m still baffled what he thought this would accomplish.
    If the first time was a power play, it clearly didn’t work. So do it again? Maybe a second time would work? But still—to accomplish what?

    1. DisneyChannelThis*

      Sometimes people just get off on humiliating other people, they find it fun, they like knowing they caused a reaction.

  43. Rosyglasses*

    “Unfortunately, this was coupled with no more sense than God gave a goose.”

    Almost spit out my coffee when I read this! Love this letter writer’s style.

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