updates: former coworker stole my work, employer is revoking work-from-home, and more

by Alison Green on October 3, 2024

Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. Former coworker stole my work and keeps contacting me for help

Thank you so much for publishing an answer to my question! I appreciated your advice, Alison, and the advice shared by the commentariat. It was validating to see that others agreed Lulu is, well, delulu. I do have a small update to share!

I ended up just ignoring Lulu’s emails. I haven’t heard anything else from her. But – a coworker told me they’d contacted Lulu about a system she still had access to. It was an external tool that my coworker needed to take ownership of, which required Lulu to remove herself from the account. She did, but only after being rude AF and unhelpful to my coworker, ignoring them for weeks instead of just performing one simple action.

I did “soft launch” the issue of stolen IP with my boss (the one who coddled Lulu) by asking if Lulu was working for a direct competitor. She is not, but my boss did ask why I wanted to know, so I told them. They did not really react, but that is in line with the “Lulu can do no wrong” behavior I witnessed for many years, so I was not surprised.

In the comments, people were incredulous that meetings would be moved at Lulu’s insistence…believe me, I agree with you! It’s very difficult to explain the chokehold Lulu had on management. It’s the most dysfunctional and frustrating vocational experience I’ve ever had. Imagine someone claiming they need information to do their job, only they are not really doing that part of their job, but when anyone offers to HELP with that part of the job, they throw a tantrum…it was exhausting, but the only person who was ever in the right was Lulu. We all just did what we could to avoid the blow-ups.

Lastly: I don’t work there anymore! I realized that while problem children like Lulu were gone, the systemic issues and gaslighting that allowed her to be a problem for so long were not going away anytime soon. A recruiter contacted me with a great opportunity, and I jumped at it. This all happened right around the time my question was published, so I didn’t get to interact with the comments much. However, I read every single one of them and took all the information as a lesson learned should I ever encounter another delulu Lulu!

2. My employer is revoking work-from-home but I live 300 miles away (#2 at the link)

The question of whether my inability to comply with the new hybrid standards would result in me being officially let go, or if I’d have to resign, never came to a head. HR called me to let me know I was being laid off, but instead of invoking the remote work policy (which I was prepared to challenge), they instead cited the fact that they’d recently (~2 months ago) hired an additional person in my department and the business couldn’t keep both of us.

I can’t help but think this was a very obvious attempt to avoid me pushing back on the new policies that conflicted with the terms of my hiring, as this new person’s job and mine did not overlap at all (e.g. I’m a graphic designer and she is a copywriter).

I will also perhaps uncharitably, but truthfully, say that this person—let’s call her Susan—is very bad at her job. For the first publication she contributed to, Susan submitted an article that was so poorly written that I took it to our shared boss and told her it was unpublishable. While writing/editing was not currently within the scope of my responsibilities at work, the article was so incoherent I felt I couldn’t in good conscience not say something—especially as we were an educational institution and I felt it reflected really badly on us! My boss agreed and re-wrote the article herself. It wasn’t a matter of grammatical errors or anything like that; it was a very clear lack of understanding of how to communicate in the written word.

A month after I was laid off, my boss, true to her word, contracted me to do another publication, and here’s the catch: in addition to doing the design work (my job), she also wanted to hire me to write the copy as well (Susan’s job). I quoted double my freelance rate for the additional work, and they agreed.

So, for those keeping track, here’s where it stands: they laid me off because they allegedly “couldn’t afford” to keep on both me and Susan, and now they’re paying me a much higher rate than they were paying before, to do both my job and Susan’s job, while also still paying Susan. Make it make sense!

3. I have no idea who to give my resignation to (#5 at the link)

Thanks for publishing my letter and confirming that I was definitely overthinking this! (Thanks also to Manic Pixie HR Girl for their comment advice too.)

I gave my resignation to our Chief HR Officer, who managed all of the comms across their C-suite level — including telling my brand new manager. (Fun fact! When I wrote in, I didn’t have a manager, but in the interim they hired someone who actually ended up starting the exact same day I gave my notice.)

I haven’t left yet, but your site continues to offer a wealth of resources as I close out my notice period. Thanks again, Alison!

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{ 44 comments }

{ 44 comments… read them below }

  1. 2 Cents*

    OP 2: I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m seeing this everywhere in this crazy job market. I was laid off in November 2023. They laid you off because it makes their spreadsheet look better for employee costs because contractor costs are a different column *eye roll emoji* Also, I can guarantee with 99.9% assurance that you are not charging them enough for graphic design AND copywriting. Even if you are hesitant to raise your rates with them, since it’s a steady source of income, I strongly encourage you to increase your rates with other clients. You are a RARE person who can do both! (I say this as a freelance copywriter who can’t design anything LOL)

    1. Richard Hershberger*

      The spreadsheet explanation is certainly possible, but it could be as advertised: the head person insists on employee butts in seats, while the managers on the ground do what needs to be done to make things work. If Head Guy doesn’t care about contractor butts in seats. there you go.

      1. Howard Bannister*

        Yes, I’m seeing a lot of this at my job; they’re willing to push good employees out over WFH, but pay contractors a lot more and don’t care that they then have no say over where the contractors work.

        1. JustaTech*

          Why thought? Why are they like that? Why is it so common?
          It’s destroying moral at my company and we don’t even have the option of contractors.

    2. LW2*

      I thought I was charging enough for this project (double my freelance rate, which is more than 3x what my hourly rate had been as an employee), but honestly the project turned out to be an enormous pain in the butt for non-Susan related reasons! At this point, I’m just considering it as necessary “tide me over” money and will likely not do another project for them (I only say “likely” instead of “definitely” because… well, life is expensive).

      I do appreciate all the support here and pushing me to advocate for myself and my own wallet, because I definitely have a tendency to want to cut them a break because it’s a nonprofit doing good work for the world. My husband is absolutely baffled by the difference between my freelance rate vs. what I make as an hourly employee doing the same work (he works in a trade) and is encouraging me to just do the freelance thing—and for businesses, not just nonprofits, so my bleeding heart won’t get in the way!

      1. Lewis*

        Freelance rate is to hourly as shop rate is to what you get on your pay check as a tradesperson. When I worked in a shop, the rate was $75 an hour (what we charged customers) and I got paid $18. This was…a while ago.

      2. NotAnotherManager!*

        The reason freelance rates are higher is that the freelancer is on the hook for taxes, gets no company benefits, and is likely only paid for hours worked (v. guaranteed full-time pay). It’s not always that significant a difference when you fully load the costs. Freelancers are often a great deal for employers for services they don’t have a full-time need for, even at a much higher unit rate. The loaded cost of an employee is roughly 135% of their salary (comp, payroll taxes, benefits, overhead).

        1. Fiorinda*

          Yes, exactly! When you freelance you have to cover your tax bill, your superannuation, your oncosts, your ‘leave’ (sick days, holidays, etc) pay – all the things that are invisible or easy to ignore for an employee. There are good reasons why self-employed people charge more per hour than shows up on a standard payslip!

    3. SayHey*

      With all due respect, and it MAY be state specific, but according to IRS laws, they can’t lay you off and then hire you as a contractor for two years. Be careful with this–best to check all the legal boxes.

      1. linger*

        “can’t” in the sense of “can’t legitimately call it a layoff”?
        Wouldn’t that just be the company’s legal problem? How could it blow back on OP2?
        (Even if it meant the contract work would have to stop, OP2 seems ambivalent on that front. It seems vanishingly unlikely OP2 would be required to pay back any of the wages thus gained, retrospectively; the company might be required to claw back income tax on it to pay the IRS on OP2’s behalf, but that is money OP2 would be paying out anyway.)

      2. Lisa*

        This is not true, but doing so shortly after invites greater scrutiny of whether the person is now correctly classified as an independent contractor. The employer has to be extra careful about making sure the work relationship reflects true “independent contractor” status and meets the test criteria. You can’t hire them back under the same working terms and just declare that they’re a contractor.

  2. RIP Pillowfort*

    OP 2- Susan has to be some kind of nepo hire is all I got for you. Why they’d hire a copywriter who cannot write has no good explanation.

    1. ferrina*

      Or it means that the person who hired her has no idea what they are looking for, and they think that firing her will show that they made a bad hire, so rather than admit the mistake they’ll bend over backwards to find other ways around it.

      I used to work somewhere like this- they promoted people into leadership positions who had no idea what they were doing. The “leaders” would try to hire someone, but since the “leader” had no vision and no idea what they were looking for, they would often make terrible hires. Then rather than go through a PIP (which would require the leader to actually articulate standards), they pretended like it was issues out of their control and wanted everyone else to clean up the mess. It was a weird place.

      1. LW2*

        LW2 here! Susan doesn’t seem to be a nepo hire, and while I do find her (lack of) writing skills baffling for someone in that position, the problem really seems to be that as a government org, they just don’t offer the compensation needed to attract good talent (except at the very top level, of course!). I know there were other candidates for the job with much better qualifications who passed it over due to the low pay.

        So it likely was a situation where they just needed the position filled, and I know my (former) boss is very frustrated because—as anyone who’s worked in government knows—it’s really, really hard to fire someone unless they commit some gross misconduct. To my understanding, Susan has been shuffled to do more admin work and the actual writing is either being shopped out (like to me) or my former boss is just doing it herself.

  3. JJ*

    I had a co-worker like the first LW. Nose in everyone’s business and everything had to run through her, but, likely similarly, very little personal competency. She’s now the #2 at that company and I’m happy to have been asked to leave.

    1. Veruca*

      I’m wondering if Lulu is conventionally very attractive. That is the only way this makes sense to me.

      1. Ellis Bell*

        I’ve known a ton of tantrum throwers who get away with it -they aren’t more attractive, they’re just very, very determined to stick to what they do best. Sure, they get fired from every functional company, but that’s okay because they aren’t competent enough to stay hired in those kinds of places anyway. All they have to do is find the right kind of dysfunctional environment where their determined tantrums make managerial hearts quail and then they hold on to any power they can seize for dear life. People who can’t let go, choose people who can’t say no.

        1. Jam on Toast*

          I agree @Ellis Bell. In my experience, it’s their impenetrable, unwarranted confidence in their own importance and an absolute inability to see other people’s skills as anything but a personal threat that seems to be the most potent ingredients. Add in a deeply rooted but unacknowledged fear of being exposed as irrelevant and they’re all set to bring the joy of intractable, controlling, emotionally dysregulated micromanagement to a workspace near you!

          1. ferrina*

            Yep. Combine that with a manager who either really likes this person for some reason (usually because some attribute of that person reminds them of themself) or is conflict averse, and it’s a recipe for unmitigated disaster.

            1. goddessoftransitory*

              And you can bet they either flatter the former type or actively search for the latter when they’re making the rounds applying.

      2. Myrin*

        Not at all the only way! I’m observing something similar – although definitely less extreme – on several fronts at the moment and none of the people involved are even particularly charming, let alone likeable (which you would think would be the case). They’re just steamrolling their boss with their forcefulness and if said boss isn’t equally forceful, they’ll immediately back down and let the other person run roughshod over everybody else just so that they don’t have to deal with that one person.

      3. 2 and a Possible*

        People are often not comfortable admitting how much or what they tolerate from someone who is conventionally attractive.

      4. Plate of Wings*

        I bet conventionally attractive people get away with these uncomfortable behaviors, but personally I’ve only known two people that got even close to Lulu level behavior at work and they were not conventionally attractive. In both cases they just did. not. stop. insisting that they needed to be involved. Placating them felt easier than pushing back because they had incredible stamina basically haha!

        Then by the time it snowballed into affecting everyone’s work, standing up to them would have been basically a project all its own!

    2. hereforthecomments*

      I work with someone like Lulu. I didn’t realize it until your comment. She wants to have her nose in things that don’t concern her (wants to “process” forms before they go to their destination even though they’ve already been approved by everyone necessary and have nothing to do with her job). She also gives me instructions that are wrong–and she’s not my supervisor in any way. I treat her as the missing stair and navigate around her (oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you needed that/I left you off the email/I forgot).

    3. LW*

      Hello! I’m the LW and will try to answer everything here.

      Lulu is perfectly nice-looking, which may have impacted how some people saw her, but I don’t think that is what was going on w/r/t our manager, who I think felt sisterly toward her. Lulu had a rough backstory, and, not to diminish what happened to her, she was strategic about deploying it with people in a position to give her more leeway or not escalate issues. She was very insecure about her work history/lack of experience, and I think this caused many of the tantrums and “hurt feelings.” And, I dunno, sometimes people have a way about them that others are very susceptible to. It’s tough to overcome in a work situation.

      Thank you to the commenter who cautioned against using “delulu” in a way that diminishes real conditions people deal with.

      Re: contacting IT before signing up for software tools…it’s difficult to explain without adding more identifying info than I’d like, but this is common in teams like the one I was on. To add some color, this was a tool Lulu insisted she had to have and then never used once. :)

  4. Ostrich Herder*

    LW2, I know you said you preferred the security of being a traditional employee over contracting, but I can’t help but feel like you dodged a bullet here! They clearly have no idea how to manage the project you’re working on.

    1. It’s A Butternut Squash*

      The way they did that layoff is 100 red flags. There is absolutely no reason to tell someone you were choosing between two people to keep and didn’t choose them. It’s implied when you’re laid off that the company couldn’t afford to keep you, and anyone they keep is someone they decided to keep instead of you. Unless every other person on your team was totally impossible to function without -like, it’s a pharmacy and this person is the pharmacist kind of impossible – it’s just a weird and passive aggressive, and very concerning from HR.

  5. Juicebox Hero*

    LW2, as long as you’re making $$$ off of them, don’t worry about the why. You can’t do anything about it anyway. Put the money in the bank and look for a job with a company that makes sense.

  6. Myrin*

    #1, what a coincidence, I just re-read your letter today! Glad to see you’re well rid of that place!

  7. meant gently*

    Hi, this is just a minor thing, but ever since the term ‘delulu’ started getting popular I’ve been seeing more and more posts from people who experience real delusions as part of their mental illnesses asking people not to use the slang, as it further stigmatizes their experiences. I think it’s similar to how now most people understand it’s not great to say things like ‘I’m so OCD’ when you’re just talking about liking things being tidy. Just wanted to bring it up since I don’t think everyone’s aware of this yet. To be clear I don’t experience delusions myself so I’m no expert, if anyone with more experience wants to correct me or explain more then please go ahead.

    1. smirkette*

      +1 Great point, meant gently. I’ve recently been made aware of sanism and trying to cut back on similar expressions myself (e.g., calling things or people crazy) for the same reasons. It’s really hard because they are *so* ingrained in broader culture and figures of speech, but they end up trivializing the effects and impacts that people with various illnesses have to cope with daily and further perpetuate stereotypes.

    2. I didn't say banana*

      Interesting point. A delusion is just a belief that does not match reality, it doesn’t have to be caused by psychosis to be a “real delusion”. I think Lulu was delusional about her need to be involved in other people’s work. I would liken it more to someone saying “that’s depressing” to mean “that makes me sad” rather than “that is causing symptoms of clinical depression.” I also think saying that someone (who is not psychotic) is delusional is low on the list if things that cause stigma about psychosis, but I can see how it could be similar to a microaggression. Thanks for raising something interesting for me to consider.

    3. Kalidan*

      I dunno…I experience instances of OCD and it doesn’t bother me when people say “I’m so OCD!” I guess the expression bothers some people but I consider it harmless. My experience is that most people who exclaim the phrase don’t mean anything of significance by it. YMMV.

      1. For Realsies*

        It’s probably because most people – even those who struggle with mental illnesses – are rational, and it’s only a certain demographic (ie those who would actually consider themselves “privileged”) that try to be offended on behalf of those who are affected.

        eg see Latinx and the overwhelming amount of Latin people who hate the word.

        1. Gytha Ogden*

          Thank you. There are much bigger battles to fight and fingerwagging people over words like this is just wasting time and energy. It’s also infantilising to suggest that those of us who have experienced actual delusions are somehow delicate flowers whose ears need to be protected from Nasty Words…when in fact we need better facilities and healthcare and other tangible things like that.

          Slactivism is pretty alienating to the very people who need this sort of assistance most.

          1. Anon for this*

            I’m glad this is not issue for you or for the OP of this subthread. As someone who deals with ongoing OCD and also has dealt with delusions I’d just like to gently point out that we are not a monolith.
            I do not share your experience with this and in fact find it grating at best and downright hateful at worst depending on how someone uses it. To me it comes across as a re-stigmatisation especially in recent years after we made some tentative steps for greater acceptance of mental health issues.

        2. But Why Not?*

          I think the comparison to Latinx terminology isn’t appropriate, as Latino/a/x is typically used as an accurate descriptor of a person or population.

          In the case of “delulu,” we have a slang pejorative that is inaccurately applied to behavior we don’t like. This waters down the true meaning of “delusional” and also attaches a negative moral value to it, which can be harmful to people who actually experience delusions. Language can change to be more accurate AND more respectful. See, for example, the fact that we don’t use “spaz” any more, or the r-word. They’re not accurate when used in slang, and they’re simply not respectful to others.

  8. Pastor Petty Labelle*

    #2 – sounds like the best of both worlds, you got to stay remote and you got more money. Freelancing you can pick up other clients and decline those that are annoying. Like doing Susan’s job if you aren’t in the mood to do copy.

  9. Radioactive Cyborg Llama*

    It is definitely notable how many updates ends with “the problem solved itself but made me realize how dysfunctional that place was and now I have a new and better job with reasonable people!”

    1. Spiritbrand*

      It’s actually heartening to hear about there actually being functional companies out there.

  10. Shadowless IT*

    “At one point, I created a company account on a free software tool for other departments to do work related to a specific project. Lulu complained that due to the nature of the software tool, she should have been consulted before anyone opened the account or used it.”

    Actually, IT should have been consulted before anyone opened the account or used it. For this reason:
    “It was an external tool that my coworker needed to take ownership of, which required Lulu to remove herself from the account.”

    *sips tea*

    1. ThatOtherClare*

      Aha, but the letter writer never said they were talking about the same tool as in the previous letter. Giving LW the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they asked for and revieved IT’s permission to open an account for Software #1, then Lulu saw it happen without understanding the context, and decided that meant she could independently start up her own account for Software #2; ‘Because clearly everybody’s doing it’. Sounds like a Lulu thing to do.

  11. Introvert girl*

    Op 2, I was really interested in how this would work out because I had the same issue. I live 300 km from our office and the CEO decided we all needed to get back into the office. A lot if us were hired WFH. In the end, none of us had to move. It seemed the company didn’t realise how massively we had grown and though the office had room for over 200 people, there were 800 of us now. Secondly, people were threatening with leaving the company and in this economy, with an extremely low unemployment rate there was no way they would be able to fill all the vacancies. Now the people who live close by come in once a week. The rest if us still works from home.

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