{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    The weekend posts are for relatively light discussion — think office break room — and comments should ask questions and/or seek to discuss ideas. “Here’s what happened to me today” personal-blog-style posts will be removed (because they got out of control in the past). We also can’t do medical advice here.

    Please give the full rules a re-read.

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      1. forever*

        I hope it was good. I went out for a walk with my daughter to a new fancy ice-cream shop, and had an absolutely delicious coffee-toffee swirl. And then the full moon rose over the lake on our way home.

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    1. Brevity*

      If you’re trying to haiku, you’re missing two syllables. Try this:

      Someone brought puppy
      To the office to visit
      Us, made me happy

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  6. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading and give or request recs.

    I started Warrior Girl Unearthed by Angeline Boulley. It’s a sequel to Firekeeper’s Daughter, which I really enjoyed. This one started off well also and the author is really good, but it didn’t work as well for me as the first one did.

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    1. goddessoftransitory*

      Halfway through A Night in the Lonesome October–just added it to the rotation last year but it’s already a favorite. Next might be The Ghost Variations: One Hundred Stories, by Kevin Brockmeier. It’s exactly that–one hundred one page stories, all about a different type of ghost.

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    2. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      I’m reading Vincent Starrett’s 1929 mystery *Murder on B Deck*. It’s just okay, but I wanted a mystery comfort read. The poor author. The introduction says the fantasy novel Starrett published a year or two earlier, which got good critical reviews and into which he put his heart, sold only 3000 copies, while this mystery, which he knocked off without paying much mind to it, sold more like 20,000 copies.

      Next up, I’ll probably re-read *Lemons Never Lie*, one of the bleakest novels about Alan Grofield from Richard Stark’s (aka Donald E. Westlake’s) spinoff from the Parker series. Not my favorite of those — those would be *The Black Bird* and *The Damsel*, which are jolly adventures with a bit of an edge — but it’s what the bookstore had.

      They also had a Carl Hiaasen that I got. He’s one of the people writing today where I can pick up one of his books and feel like I’ll be okay reading it.

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    3. Mobie's Mom Now*

      Finished The Long March Home by Marcus Brotherton and Tosca Lee, historical fiction about the battle/siege of Bataan during WW II. It was tough. I have read a lot of WWII fiction, but mostly set in England or Germany/Poland, etc. – the European conflict. I hadn’t read much about the Japanese/Asian conflict, so this was horrifying in a new way.

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    4. Atheist Nun*

      I read and enjoyed Wandering Stars by Tommy Orange, and although it was not as fantastic as There There, it was still quite good. In this book, whose events take place before and after the life changing pow wow in There There, the theme is the connection between trauma and addiction.

      There is a quote from the book that sums up what I love about Orange’s writing style: “just the right amount of joy and wonder to make it go beyond tragedy.” His books cover heavy topics about the appalling ways that settler colonists treat(ed) Native Americans, but his facility with language and plot keep things from drifting into tragedy porn.

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    5. Charlotte Lucas*

      Donna Andrews’ Between a Flock and a Hard Place. And finishing up my Dorothy L. Sayers marathon with a collection of short stories.

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    6. Teapot Translator*

      Looking for recommendations of murder mystery classics (let’s say must have been published at least 50 years ago). I’m still in a reading slump, so I decided to read the Miss Marple books in order. I’m now reading The Moving Finger.

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  7. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    I’ve continued with Stardew Valley this week. Once again I’m close to finishing the community center, and I hope I’ll get the last few items soon.

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  8. Fives*

    I’m in perimenopause and keep having spells of really sensitive skin. Right now the seams on my socks are bothering me. Does anyone have a recommendation for seamless socks?

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    2. Peanut Hamper*

      If you can’t find any, you might try some athletic prewrap and see if that helps to prevent chafing. It’s the stuff that goes under athletic tape when you’re taping up joints so that the tape doesn’t stick to your skin.

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      1. Cedrus Libani*

        Also if you can’t find any…I have sensory issues, so I wear normal socks inside out (seams out) and that’s good enough for me.

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    4. forever*

      my very bad take on this is: wait for menopause (hot flashes), you won’t need socks anymore!
      Note: did you know menopause symptoms can last over a decade? (I’m not quite at a decade yet, but I won’t be surprised if my symptoms last > 1 decade)

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  9. Literally a Cat*

    How do you apologise to your cat after accidentally stomping onto his paw? Cat is not injured, and cannot have treata due to special diet. Asking for a human.

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    1. Dark Macadamia*

      “Noooo please don’t hate me it was an accident you’re my babyyyy” and then pick him up and cuddle him a bunch while he struggles to escape

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        1. RLC*

          Nesting fail-this was this week’s fun thing!

          Apologizing to cat-add “I’m so sorry to hurt my baby kitty love you so so much”

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    2. peter b*

      I tend to immediately go for very soft petting and apologizing in my most baby good boy voice. Obvviously he doesn’t understand English but lavishing gentkle attention seems to soothe my boy (who is sleeping on my right wrist rn, so sorry for typos lol).

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    3. Literally a Cat*

      Update: after extensive grovelling, cat acknowledged the mistake was accidental, went from cautious to fully trusting again.

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  10. Undine Spragg*

    What do you do about leaving sensitive information for your executor when you die or are incapacitated? I’d like to leave a list of key passwords (email, phone, password manager), bank account numbers, and other such information for easy access when needed, but I don’t want access wide open until something happens. Preferably electronic — my executor and I are 3000 miles apart and there’s no reason for them to rush out to where I am if I am dead. Any ideas?

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    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      I’m going to take this opportunity to sing the praise of this guide that my sister and I have been sending around to everyone we know. My mom filled this out and it’s been hugely helpful to me and my sister in dealing with her estate:
      https://www.narfe.net/site/Chapter86/files/fullName10201.pdf

      It’s designed for federal employees so it has some sections on federal benefits but anyone without federal employment can just skip those parts. It covers everything your executor will need to know, except for passwords. Everyone, make your parents fill this out and fill it out yourself.

      My mom left all her passwords in a password-protected Excel document (and then gave us the password to it ahead of time, obviously), which is the low-tech way to do it. But if you use a password program like Bit Warden, you can designate someone to have access once you die. Once you die, they submit their emergency access request and it notifies you. If you don’t respond within X days (you decide what X is), they assume you are really dead and give the person access. (They can only do that if you approved the person ahead of time, so it’s not like any random person could ask for access and just wait X days.)

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      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        Other lessons from my CPA mother who left the most organized estate possible: set up official beneficiaries for all your accounts and/or make them “payable on death” to specific people. That keeps those assets out of probate and makes settling the estate much faster. She even did “payable on death” with stuff like her car title.

        I’m going to have to start a site called Ask an Executor because I am learning tons. It will be the most depressing blog ever but upsettingly useful.

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    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      My husband and I each keep in our files an envelope with our personal stuff like that (including our computer/phone/tablet passwords and access to our individual password managers, not an actual paper list of passwords), sealed with our signatures across the seal flap, labeled “Open in case of freak umbrella accident.” Then once a year (or whenever we have reason) we have a “Review the Umbrella Contingency” appointment on our shared calendar where we sit down together and each of us opens our own envelope, updates the contents as necessary, and we ceremoniously reseal them together, re-sign them and put them back in the files. If we were to both die at the same time, our wills (which are currently informal and halfass, and we need to do better) are in the same file and the umbrella documents would go to the executors as well, along with our laptops.

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  11. confused by fashion*

    How long are women’s (professional) pants supposed to be? I’m refreshing my wardrobe and have gone down a deep rabbit hole of fashion trend websites. The consensus that I’ve found on these websites was that for flare pants with heels, the hem should be about 0.5″ from the ground, but just looking at those photos makes me think that’s way too long. Thoughts?

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  12. Peanut Hamper*

    In line with the “when terrible work systems become sacred” thread earlier this week, I’m wondering what “sacred” holiday traditions you’ve been able to let go of that actually made life easier.

    My mother still insists on a Thanksgiving meal, but for Christmas last year she recommended we just do appetizers. There are very few of us and no children, so just putting together a cheese tray, crackers, olives, and a few meats was super easy and satisfying and made the holiday that much more enjoyable, because there was less work and less stress for everybody.

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    1. Literally a Cat*

      It’s ok to not get plastered for Lunar New Year in the big family gathering, then set firecrackers on fire while intoxicated.

      Retrospectively I’m glad my family still have 5 digits per hand per person, somehow.

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  13. Not your typical admin*

    Just had to share my happy day. Oldest (teen) daughter had her first date with the guy she’s had a crush on for a while. He picked her up this morning, they went to Starbucks and to a park to go on a walk. Watching her be so excited getting ready, then hearing her on the phone with her best friend afterwards brought back memories of my own first dates when I was that age

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