where are you now? (a call for updates)

by Alison Green on October 23, 2024

At the end of each year, I publish a slew of “where are they now” updates from people whose questions I answered here in the past. In past years we’ve had several hundred each December and it’s been magnificent.

If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now?  (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.)

Note: Your update doesn’t have to be positive or big to be worth submitting. We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting.

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

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    1. Indolent Libertine*

      I assumed someone had beaten me to this, and I am not disappointed! You understood the assignment.

    3. Yvette*

      I want to know how the hell I managed to miss the drunken striptease boss letter because I would’ve remembered that one!

  5. Antilles*

    Here’s a handful that I’d like updates from if they can be reached:
    -I still, still want an update on Halloween Town.
    -“My new hire’s office looks like a bat cave” (Jan. 3, 2024) – c’mon it’s October, I want to know how he’s making this extra Halloweeny
    -“Employee works after playing video games most of the night” (Jan 19., 2024) – as someone who enjoys games myself (but loves sleep more), I’m always curious how these sorts of stories turn out
    -“Interviewing with blue hair” (April 22, 2024) – just wondering if they kept the hair and had issues or if it was totally fine
    -“I used ChatGPT to replace a team’s input” (June 24, 2024) – this feels like a situation that’s going to recur more and more frequently as LLM becomes more commonplace

    1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      Halloween Town, delightfully, lives rent free in my head. I like to visit there from time to time, just to pop in to say hello. I’d love an update!

    2. Security Princess*

      I’m not the OP of that one, but I’m currently interviewing with blue hair. No one has mentioned it so far…

    3. Porscha*

      I have blue hair myself (I’m NOT the LW) and actually had an interview back at the end of May. I’m a teacher and started dying my at my last school which had no issues with it. When I interviewed with a new high school in May, I just made a comment acknowledging it and that I was willing to change it (I already had a hair appointment to get it touched up anyway and my hair stylist knew it was a possibility). They were very chill about it and told me I could keep it. The assistant principal that interviewed me even showed me off to a parent later right before school started, basically to say that parent’s child could have colored hair. I’d be curious to see an update from the blue haired LW and what it’s like in the corporate world.

        1. LikesToSwear*

          I checked with my boss before doing it, but I also dyed my hair purple and loved it. Now I’d really like my hair to get with the “going gray” already so I can dye it purple more easily (and not cost so much with needing to bleach it first!).

          1. SimonTheGreyWarden*

            I changed jobs while my hair was a dark purple, almost black, but at the time I was cycling through a lot of different colors fairly often. I did mention to my new boss that I was going to be bleaching it and dyeing it again and wanted to be sure there was no prohibitions on color (I work in a public-facing position and we are meant to model work-appropriate dress for the population we work with). No issues with my crazy hair color, very colorful mode of dress, recent somewhat-visible tattoo (can be covered easily but isn’t always) and new ear piercing.

  6. Irish Teacher.*

    Some of the ones I’d like updates to:
    The letter about the person whose business partners won’t fire their problematic family members, just because it was such an awkward situation. She was outnumbered two-to-one and probably couldn’t just dissolve the partnership as one of the partners was her husband: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/05/my-business-partners-wont-fire-their-problematic-family-members.html

    I’d love another update on the person who bit their coworker: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/i-bit-my-coworker.html

    The person whose son’s friend’s dad may have shared confidential information with his son: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/09/trainer-had-religious-messages-on-his-presentation-screen-did-my-sons-friends-dad-share-confidential-data-and-more.html

    I know there were more. They might come to me.

      2. Nonanon*

        If I’m remembering correctly, biting coworker did an update noncomittal muttering noise years ago; recognized dysfunctional job environment and is working elsewhere, doing much better, has not bitten any more coworkers

        1. Irish Teacher.*

          I know they sent one update where they said they were still in the same workplace and had no plans to leave because all their friends had boring jobs and hey, the coworker they bit was horrible and insulted them regularly but all jobs were probably horrible and they weren’t going home crying every day and hadn’t bitten any more coworkers and had developed better coping skills so it was all good.

          I didn’t see anything about them moving to work elsewhere, but I hope that is true because the first update was really sad. It was very much “my job is awful, so bad that none of you can even imagine it, but it’s not that bad really and no worse than any other job so I might as well stay.”

    1. Myrin*

      I miraculously got this via the “surprise me” button on the day of. Here’s to hoping the OP has nothing out of the ordinary to tell.

    2. Sherm*

      The OP did promise to update!

      Wow, I remember thinking “We’re going to have to wait a long, long time for that update,” but in a flash, here we are.

      1. Anon.*

        I put a calendar reminder for 9/25/24 when that post came out because I was just dying for an update!

    4. Ask a Manager* Post author

      It’s been on my calendar for years to ask for an update on that day and then … that ended up being the date my mom died and so I haven’t been able to bring myself to. But I might. (Feels extremely weird to have had that date marked on my calendar for years now.)

      3. Sociology rocks!*

        Hopefully we’ll get lucky, they still read the website and the comments, and submit an update without you having to ask them!

      4. Englebert Humperdinck*

        I also had a calendar reminder and was going to email you to ask for an update, then realized … wait a minute, that’s the day her mom died, I’ll wait a while to ask. Very strange coincidence.

        My condolences.

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      Much yes. LW is right on the brink of being able to salvage the situation before Caitlyn wrecks the team’s morale and they vamoose.

    1. Mark Greene*

      I’d also love an update for the flirting HR person. I hope they came to realize how not okay that was.

      1. Paint N Drip*

        I desperately want an update! Tell us what happened to the intern, did OP ever get in trouble for sexual harassment, is OP still in HR, how has OP changed their mind (or not) about the situation, what’s going on with OP’s marriage..

      2. ferrina*

        Yes! I want an update to that. That was never going to end well, the LW was in total denial, and I want to know the drama.

      3. Ellis Bell*

        I really hope everyone involved in that debacle is okay, including OP. So much trouble and potential anguish put on the very edge of the table because of foggy thinking and refusing to see yourself clearly. There was still time to pull this one back from the jaws of disaster and I seriously hope OP had the wherewithal to do it.

      4. Irish Teacher.*

        Yes! That’s another one I’d love an update on. Though even more, I’d love to hear from the intern, but I doubt that is going to happen. And truly, it’s probably best they don’t know that the interactions were making the LW feel more attractive than she had in years!

      1. Hlao-roo*

        Yeah, it was a little cast iron model of a caboose. The letter is “my manager stole a family heirloom from me and gave it as a gift to someone else” from August 2, 2016.

    8. Anonymous Cat*

      That one also stood out to me! I don’t know, it just somehow got to me.

      Maybe because it was stolen. AND she knows exactly who has it.

  13. Jennifer Strange*

    Some I’d be interested in an update on:

    -The company I want to work for employs a guy who’s abusive to women on dating apps
    -Should I report my son’s friend’s dad for sharing confidential student data?
    -Everyone at my new job loves my high school bully
    -I can’t travel because my cat is sick — and my boss and coworkers are unhappy
    -My coworker is dating a convicted pedophile
    -My neighbor, her nephew, my kid, and her dogs
    -Coworker sleeps too deeply when she’s on-call
    -A man at our events makes other attendees uncomfortable

  15. KT*

    Already curious about the one from yesterday where the female letter writer is told she looks unprofessional when wearing a binder.

      2. wounded, erratic stink bugs*

        I don’t mean to nitpick, but I don’t think the LW specified pronouns, and not all nonbinary folks use they!
        (signed, a nonbinary person who is uncomfortable when people incorrectly correct others’ use of my pronouns)

          1. wounded, erratic stinkbugs*

            *thumbs-up*
            But in case this part wasn’t clear, I think Hastily Blessed Fritos is giving a reminder not to call a nonbinary person ‘female’ unless that particular nonbinary person specifies that they want to be called female. For many (but not all) a big part of nonbinary identity is not being male or female.

    2. FricketyFrack*

      They said the manager quit and things are a lot better now, so I doubt there’ll be much to add.

    1. Chauncy Gardener*

      Heck yes. I think if they take the period leave, they should be hooked up to those cramp machines for the whole leave period. Just sayin’

  17. Cookie Monster*

    Yay!

    The one where someone the LW knew for years lied in her references – giving a bad employee a glowing reference to get rid of them and giving a rockstar employee a terrible reference to keep them:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/someone-ive-known-for-years-lied-to-get-me-to-hire-someone-terrible-she-wanted-to-get-rid-of.html

    The one where the coworkers had a crush on the head of HR and were treating his admin terribly because of it:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworkers-have-a-crush-on-my-boss-and-are-taking-it-out-on-me.html

    My coworker is obsessed with us being happy all the time:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2019/10/my-coworker-is-obsessed-with-us-being-happy-all-the-time.html

    1. soontoberetired*

      wow, the lies about the reference hits home, but not as bad a situation as that. I worked with a manager who did that to get rid of a problematic employee instead of firing them. It killed the friendship.

      That was common for a while at my place of work because managers used to be afraid to fire people who weren’t producing at all. Things finally changed.

      1. Bruce*

        I never lied about a reference, but once I gave a good reference for someone I thought I knew well, and it went very, very bad. It turned out that under his quiet reserved facade there was the heart of an obsessive stalker waiting to come out. The manager who hired him told me the story a couple of years later and I was mortified beyond imagination. My name was mud with that manager too. Made me much more circumspect about references!

        1. RunShaker*

          oh no. But references are professional, for jobs. What we see at work is way different than their personal lives. Unless he was served with a restraining order while at work, otherwise, there’s no way you would have know.

          1. goddessoftransitory*

            Exactly. The reason people like that employee can get away with as much as they do is they know how to behave around coworkers and such (until/unless they get too far gone and can’t hide it anymore.) It’s not like it’s considered okay to ask “before I write this, do you have any seriously antisocial tendencies that might reflect badly on me?”

    2. RunShaker*

      the “keeper of his zip” post. I so want an update on coworkers that had crush on OP’s boss.

    3. It's Marie - Not Maria*

      I would love an update on the beleaguered Admin who was accused of c*ck blocking the people who were trying to hit on the head of HR.

  18. Juicebox Hero*

    The one whose estranged father is a big deal whom everyone loves, and they have to be at an awards ceremony together.

    I’m glad she put in the bit about how updates don’t have to be big and positive. Some of the most intriguing and interesting ones come from lower stakes questions, or are just plain funny.

    1. Ama*

      As much as I love the “you won’t believe how much wilder this got” updates, I learn more from the “I decided to take this professional approach, this happened, here’s what I learned” updates (even if the ultimate solution is for the OP to find a new job).

    2. ferrina*

      Yes, I would love to hear how the awards ceremony went. That is an update that I hope will be utterly boring and drama-free. That would make me so happy.

  21. HRC*

    I want to hear from the writer who dreamed their employee would pass away this year! Obviously I hope that didn’t happen but interested to know…

  23. Carrots*

    Admittedly, this is my least favorite time of year for AAM, because half of the updates boil down to “The problem is no longer relevant for me or I don’t know the outcome because I got a different/new job!” Personally, I only like reading the ones where there is an update clearly related to the original problem. Just my two cents!

    1. Bird Law*

      Respect, but you’re on your own! :) Sometimes those people still have the gossip connection and they stop minimizing the crazy, so the updates are super wild!

      On a more serious note, sometimes, I feel like people need to hear that they, too, can get a new job and be happier and have less drama.

    2. GammaGirl1908*

      I hear you, but I think the ones where someone left the job are useful because there are a LOT of people who would struggle on forever in an awful situation, thinking they’re the problem or that it can be fixed or that this is normal. Some people need to hear the hard truth that sometimes the best solution is to GTFO.

      1. Hlao-roo*

        This is where I fall too. Sometimes the problem can be solved by having a direct conversation with a coworker, actively managing a mis-behaving employee, and other “stay-at-the-same-company” solutions. But sometimes, the only way to “solve” a problem is to remove yourself from it (by getting a new job at a different company), and it’s a good reminder that this is an option.

        1. GammaGirl1908*

          This is also, frankly, why so many advice columnists who get relationship questions are quick to tell someone to break up. It’s because so often it doesn’t seem to have occurred to the letter writer that they don’t HAVE to stay in a terrible relationship; they can DTMFA. A bad relationship is not better than no relationship.

          Sometimes a bad job is better than no job, but often you can find a BETTER job if you start looking.

    3. The Editor-in-Chief*

      The “ooh, reading drama!” part of me agrees with you.

      But I think we can all agree it’s much healthier for the letter writers, for others in problematic situations, and for us as a society in general, to see that it’s possible to move out of problematic/toxic situations.

      Reading drama is fun, sure, but let us not forget that the LWs are real people struggling with real issues, and in plenty of cases it’s far better to GTFO than continue struggling. And many readers also need confirmation that work can be a healthy environment too.

    4. Llama Tea Parties*

      I finally realized that this place is full of bees and I need to get a new job, solely because of all the boring updates that are “I finally realized that this place is full of bees, got a new job, and am so much happier that I barely remember that post”.

      The sheer repetition was what made me realize that the only way to get away from these particular bees is to leave.

    1. Pam Adams*

      Wasn’t there one where the manager brought in an axe? It may have been Captain
      Awkward with Alison brought in.

      1. Hlao-roo*

        There was Captain Awkward #684: My boss brought a machete to a disciplinary meeting with staff. AAM responded a few times in the comments section over on CA’s site.

    2. ferrina*

      I had blocked that one out of my mind.

      But yes, here’s hoping LW is at a new job or is at least actively looking to leave.

    4. Fíriel*

      This letter led me to discover that a large group of Americans I knew apparently thought carrying a knife for ‘self-defence’ was normal behaviour (a crime in Canada, you can’t walk around carrying a weapon with the intent of using it as such), and I haven’t looked at any of them the same since.

      1. Fíriel*

        This letter led me to discover that a large group of Americans I knew apparently thought carrying a knife for ‘self-defence’ was normal behaviour (a crime in Canada, you can’t walk around carrying a weapon with the intent of using it as such), and I haven’t looked at any of them the same since. (edit: because I’m now never sure whether or not they’re carrying knives)

        1. Also Laura Actually!*

          A lot of people in the South carry pocket knives for utility. I don’t think carrying knives for self-defense is common in the US. But you know. Our big problem is the other weapon.

          1. Fíriel*

            I think demographically this was people who were opposed to guns, but maybe based on this data would have carried guns if they hadn’t been because they do subscribe to the same ideas about self-defence and the world being filled with dangerous people out to get you.

      2. VintageLydia*

        I know a lot of people carry pocket knives for utility reasons though apparently this isn’t super normal everywhere (I’m Southern American and it’s mostly the folks I know who grew up rurally.) I see more pepper spray and, honestly, firearms carried for self defense rather than knives.

    5. goddessoftransitory*

      Lord, yes.

      Some of these letters do make me wonder exactly what I could actually get away with if I decided to just go full Antisocial Mode at work. Because apparently there are jobs where “I stab things with a knife” isn’t call the police time.

  25. juliebulie*

    I’ve always wondered whatever happened to the LWs (I think there was more than one) who wanted to get hired as a “visionary.” I don’t suppose we’ll be hearing from them, but I’d be curious as to what it would take to burst such a person’s bubble. (Or, alternatively, I’d be curious as to what kind of company would hire an aspiring visionary.)

    1. Pastor Petty Labelle*

      Was just thinking about this one the other day. Would love to hear if they finally figured things out.

  26. Temperance*

    I would love an update from the woman who wrote in and claimed that an intern framed her friend for theft.

    That, and the Bird Attack letter, but I just hope that one ended with a nice big settlement for the victim and everybody else getting fired.

    1. Rainy*

      I think about that poor woman several times a year and hope that she sued everyone involved into oblivion.

  27. Lauren*

    Very curious about:

    Disgruntled ex employee keeps contacting current employees

    Abusive father is public figure and we have to attend the same event

    New Manager is angry that I’m pregnant

    I manage my partner and they don’t know their job is being cut

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      I’d like an update to that one as well, but unfortunately that sort of person blames everyone but themself for their problems. I’d bet a nickel that “the business folded and it’s all the former employees’ faults.”

      1. Hlao-roo*

        That LW did comment once as Robert and wrote “I am not just the manager , I own the company. I am willing to suffer the consequences of my behavior, whatever they may be. the company is for sell if I don’t shut it down first.”

        Very likely the business has either been sold or shut down by now.

  29. I'll have the blue plate special, please.*

    The one involving the two toxic coworkers who hated each other and then suddenly became a couple.

    Also, I always wondered about the one involving the manager who took the OP’s family heirloom (the model train) and gave it to the CEO. I hope OP got it back.

    1. ferrina*

      Definitely want an update for the toxic coworkers! I have a suspicion that one will be super dramatic.

      1. physics lab*

        Agreed, and the way that everyone was so annoyed that it resolved so quickly. That was an interesting letter.

  30. Hlao-roo*

    Letter from this year:

    “When a job offer will require learning a new language and is 5,500 miles away” from March 19, 2024 (#1 on a short answer post)

    “My coworker is spreading a rumor that I have bulimia” from March 27, 2024

    “My company told me they won’t promote me because of childhood trauma” from March 28, 2024 (#2 on short answer)

    “My boss and my employee won’t stop asking me to spend the night at their houses” from February 12, 2024

    “My coworker asked out a coworker, got turned down, and now won’t stop badmouthing her” from July 2, 2024

    Older letters:

    “My patronizing coworker interrupts meetings to explain basic things to me” from Oct 4, 2023

    “Should I take a break from school and teach English in Taiwan?” from June 15, 2023 (#4 on a short answer post)

    “I’m exhausted by my coworkers’ comments on my hair and clothes” from April 29, 2022 (#2 on a short answer post)

    “I don’t think my daughter’s stepmother should officiate at her wedding” from Sept. 29, 2021 (#5 on a short answer post)

    “My coworker brings her boyfriend to work every day–and his kid comes too” from October 10, 2017

    “Should I go to law school if I don’t want to practice law?” from June 13, 2016

    1. Hlao-roo*

      A few more, in no particular order:

      “our highly-paid, overworked junior staff keep leaving just as we get them fully trained” from Oct. 26, 2021

      “I sent an angry response to a work email — was I in the wrong?” from June 21, 2021

      “I’ve been accidentally dating my boss’s husband” from Nov. 20, 2019

      my trust fund coworker bullies staff for being “poor” from July 12, 2021

      “I’m biased against people who went to women’s colleges” from October 18, 2022

      “my company won’t allow any name changes, ever, for anyone” from July 12, 2023

      “customers are ignoring our male receptionist” from September 12, 2023

      “I’m making $47,000 less than my male coworker” from August 2, 2023 (#1 on a short answer post)

      “My coworker is vandalizing my car” from August 2, 2023 (#2 on a short answer post)

      1. Irish Teacher.*

        Oooh, yes, I want to hear from the person who is biased against people who went to women’s colleges. I doubt we will as it would be hard to come back to a group that so unanimously said “what the flip!?” but I would like to hear that she’s rethought her ideas.

        1. physics lab*

          That was one of the most commented on letters on this website I think? It was a perplexing letter where the real question was,”how do I get others to accept my bias?”

    2. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

      Re “Should I go to law school…”

      Just a personal anecdote. At age 60(!) I graduated from law school. I do not intend to practice law. The school in question had a program called “MLS” (Master of Science in Legal Studies), specifically intended for people who did not intend to become lawyers.

      It was one of the best experiences of my life.

      1. Hlao-roo*

        Thanks for the anecdote! I admit I did assume that law school is always a bad idea for someone who doesn’t want to practice law, so it’s cool to hear that law school can be a good choice for someone who doesn’t want to practice law.

  32. Nikko82*

    I know this is way old and there are no updates, but I just wanted to put it into the universe that I am looking forward to the yearly resposting of “I will confront you by the end of the day”

        1. Irish Teacher.*

          The part about “I myself was guilty of…” amused me even more than the “I will confront you by Wednesday” part!

  34. Office Skeptic*

    So many! Most recently, I’d love updates from the “lady boss” one and the “Repeat back to me the point I was just making” one.

    1. Silver Robin*

      There was part of me that wanted that LW to employ a buzzer or squirt bottle and get him every time he changed his story. Not necessarily because I think it would be effective, but because it would be really funny and potentially relieve some of her stress.

  41. Three Pandemic Kids*

    Ahhhh I can’t wait, I love update season! I have a LIST!
    2/24/23 Short Answer – #1 Our assistant turned abusive when she wasn’t invited to a meeting
    10/11/23 Short Answer – #1 My boss says we can’t celebrate birthdays because of one employee’s religious beliefs
    10/18/23 My coworkers resent that my boss no longer yells at me
    10/23/23 I worked remotely from a friend’s house and my boss wants to count it as PTO
    10/24/23 My employee is disrespectful of patients
    10/27/23 Short Answer – #2 A glitch stripped our PTO
    11/1/23 Short Answer – #2 I don’t want to attend an LGBTQ-hostile training
    11/7/23 My boss called a medium about my missing family member
    11/8/23 My boss hasn’t talked to me since his drunken striptease
    11/20/23 Short Answer – #3 My company insists on shipping wine to our homes
    11/20/23 My employee times her bathroom breaks to avoid certain tasks
    11/30/23 Short Answer – #1 Getting out of a holiday party that’s not accessible
    1/3/24 My new hire’s office looks like a bat cave
    1/9/24 A hoarder at work is causing a mouse problem
    1/22/24 My company’s top exec is crowdfunding for their kid’s school project
    1/26/24 Short Answer – #1 Coworker quit and told everyone I’m having an affair, but I’m not
    2/1/24 Short Answer – #1 My coworker uses the office snack budget on expensive snacks only she likes
    2/12/24 My boss and my employee won’t stop asking me to spend the night at their houses
    3/4/24 My best employee is disappointed that I’m not dealing with a bad employee
    4/2/24 Short Answer – #1 My company plans to lay off my employee who’s having chemo
    4/2/24 My boss says my work is bad, but all evidence says the opposite
    4/10/24 My coworker doesn’t like it when I set boundaries on conversation topics
    4/24/24 Can I ask to be reimbursed for my expenses in a driving-heavy job?
    4/30/24 My boss told me to meet weekly with my coworker but my coworker won’t do it
    5/6/24 I spent a ton of time helping 2 employees who hate each other and now they’re dating
    5/15/24 My breastfeeding coworker won’t stop talking about her boobs
    5/15/24 My coworker stabs office furniture with a knife and no one thinks it’s a big deal
    7/2/24 My coworker asked out a coworker, got turned down, and now won’t stop badmouthing her
    7/2/24 my coworker disrupts meetings and explodes or freezes us out if she’s angry
    7/8/24 Short Answer – #1 My office has a regular “Drinky Day”
    7/8/24 My coworker REALLY doesn’t like me
    7/9/24 Short Answer – #1 I reported to a manager, who’s now trashing me whenever my name comes up
    8/20/24 My boss jokes about our bodies, our sex lives, our pregnancies, and more
    10/15/24 New manager is angry that I’m pregnant
    And one older one: 10/24/18 Short Answer – #2 My coworker has her husband on video chat all day long

  42. Off Plumb*

    Is there any interest in Friday Good News updates, if they provide something potentially useful? I’ve learned so much about what good management looks like, as well as how to navigate disability in a non-toxic work environment.

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Thanks for asking! I find they usually don’t generate the same interest so I’m not going to prioritize them this year but if you have something you think is really interesting/useful, please do send it in!

      1. It's Marie - Not Maria*

        Just emailed you my follow up on a Friday Good News which went south very quickly.

  43. Jo*

    This is an old one, but I don’t think we ever had an update and I’ve always been curious as to what happened. I would love an update on Liver Boss who was coercing employees to sign up to be a liver donor for his brother, and firing them if they refused or said they weren’t able to donate for medical reasons.

    1. Successful Birthday Rememberer*

      I will never stop hoping for a liver boss update! Someone, somewhere knows how this played out.

  45. Sanibel Island*

    I don’t have the exact post, but back in October 2020 or 2021, there was a writer that had been at their job for 5+ years and their manager gave praise to everyone else except them. I felt that on a spiritual level lol. Anyway, if I have enough time or remember to find it, I’ll reply, but I hope that LW got a new job and the praise they deserve.

    1. Hlao-roo*

      “my boss never praises my work” from October 20, 2020–is that the post you’re thinking of? I second the hope that LW has a new job and gets the praise they deserve.

  48. Berin*

    Omg I started keeping a list a while ago, I am so excited.

    our new boss doesn’t know how awful her second-in-command is

    my toxic former employee is still spreading negativity on my staff

    my coworker pressures me to take his shifts at the last minute … because he knows I can’t afford to say no

    we’ve heard rumors that our incoming new boss is a nightmare

    my coworker is spreading a rumor that I have bulimia

    my coworker asked out a coworker, got turned down, and now won’t stop badmouthing her

    my patronizing coworker interrupts meetings to explain basic things to me

  49. Wordnerd*

    I realllllllly want to know if this person is doing better:
    “I feel overwhelming guilt about taking time off work”, April 23, 2024.
    Link in reply.

    1. Emotional support capybara (he/him)*

      Didn’t we get an update (of the “clearly didn’t learn squat” variety) from this one? or did I just dream that?

      1. Hlao-roo*

        Nicki Name linked to the update (and it was of the “I haven’t learned” variety). I think Nicki is asking for an additional update, hopefully with some reflection and personal growth this time.

        1. Nicki Name*

          Yes, that. Or the story of what happened if he did decide to lean into the conspiracy theory and contact a whole bunch of people on LinkedIn to fight his imaginary blackballing.

    3. Irish Teacher.*

      Yes, I’d love to hear from this one too. It would either be my favourite type of update when somebody shows real growth and admits, “I realise now that I was wrong and am working to change” or else it would be likely to be entertaining if he doubled down.

  53. Metadata Janktress*

    Would love an update from the patronizing jerk who stopped meetings to explain super basic things.

    1. Lady Knittington*

      If it’s the same one I’m thinking of, yes. She was a bully at school, wanted to get into a very specific industry but the person she bullied worked there and then it all went Very, Very wrong. I hope she’s in a better place now,

  58. Sparkles McFadden*

    Here’s my (kind of long) list:

    The person with the insecure boss
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/05/how-do-i-work-for-an-insecure-boss-who-thinks-im-spreading-rumors-about-her.html

    The coworker who stabs things with a knife
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/05/my-coworker-stabs-office-furniture-with-a-knife-and-no-one-thinks-its-a-big-deal.html

    Coworker ices out women who reject him
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/09/coworker-scrolls-on-her-phone-in-meetings-employee-freezes-out-women-who-reject-him-and-more.html

    The coworker who won’t use women’s names
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/08/my-coworker-wont-use-womens-names.html

    The coworker who keeps badmouthing another coworker who turned him down for a date
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/07/my-coworker-asked-out-a-coworker-got-turned-down-and-now-wont-stop-badmouthing-her.html

    The person who got forced out of her company when an incoming hire was the one night stand who fathered her child
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/06/update-my-new-manager-is-someone-i-slept-with-years-ago-and-he-doesnt-know-we-have-a-child.html

    Intensely jealous of a coworker
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/09/im-intensely-jealous-of-my-coworker.html

    1. physics lab*

      Me too! I think she changed her name in the Friday updates since she escaped the Hellmouth ~2023?

  61. Fish Microwaver*

    I’d like to know what happened with the employee who cried all the time. I think her name was Vanessa. I really should keep a list because I’m sure there are others.

    1. Hlao-roo*

      I think the letter you’re referring to is “a new manager says it’s a problem that our employee cries in meetings, at her desk, and during team lunches” from April 4, 2023.

  64. If it is to be said, so it be, so it is.*

    Just chiming in to say to all past LWs, please send an update even if you think it’s boring or uneventful (like, “I left that job and don’t know what happened with Hortensia and Horatio”). The closure is so satisfying!

  66. yvve*

    this was actually a comment not a letter, but I would like an update from the commenter on the letter “Bathroom Etiquette”, who claimed that every time they cleaned a toilet, they got water splashed on their face and in their eyes. I just want to know if that person ever figured out how to clean toilets without this occuring, or at least, a video demonstrating wtf their toilet cleaning technique currently looks like. It haunts me

  67. werewolf*

    i’d really like to know about the badgers from the most recent speed round! badger office worker if you’re out there please

  68. Pretty as a Princess*

    I would love to know if the “no birthday celebration for leap year babies” manager ever saw the light.

  70. EvilQueenRegina*

    I’d like to know if anyone ever admitted to this: https://www.askamanager.org/2022/01/my-office-secret-santa-gave-me-an-inappropriate-gift.html

    What happened with that company where someone didn’t check the mail for weeks and then left: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/09/my-boss-told-me-to-be-less-harsh-ex-employee-didnt-check-the-mail-and-more.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/08/my-coworker-is-telling-people-i-spit-in-her-coffee-i-didnt.html

  72. Jo*

    I’d like an update on the LW whose co-worker overstepped with her eating disorder and was talking about going to LW’s manager to force them to take time off. Hopefully the LW is in a better place and the overstepping coworker has wound her neck in.

    1. GammaGirl1908*

      I assume this person changed companies and then shortly thereafter got fired after they had a potluck-related tantrum about cheap-ass rolls.

  74. Nameless*

    I would love an update on this one, “my patronizing coworker interrupts meetings to explain basic things to me,” and also from the LW who managed to set her kind of annoying volunteer up with her aunt!

  75. Lady Knittington*

    Oh wow, so many.
    My employee gave me a ‘her or me’ ultimatum. I know we did get an update at the time, but I’d like to know how she’s doing now:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/my-employee-gave-me-an-its-her-or-me-ultimatum.html

    My boss offered me money to film a sex tape:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/my-boss-offered-me-money-to-film-a-sex-tape-with-two-coworkers.html

    My co-worker is spreading a rumour that I have bulimia:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/03/my-coworker-is-spreading-i-rumor-i-have-bulimia.html

  76. Lady Knittington*

    My coworker told me to stop flirting with a student employee: https://www.askamanager.org/2020/07/my-coworker-told-me-to-stop-flirting-with-a-student-employee.html

    I wrote an awful story about a co-worker:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/08/i-wrote-an-awful-story-about-a-coworker-and-its-following-me-around-years-later.html

    My coworker says men only ask for my help because I’m hot: https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/my-coworker-keeps-saying-men-only-ask-me-for-help-because-im-hot.html

    1. I'm great at doing stuff*

      Oh gosh that story one was wild. I just don’t understand how so many people were able to identify the person in the story and the letter writer.

  81. old curmudgeon*

    I’d love to know if the LW whose CEO discovered he was her half-brother ever got settled back into a good place, both professionally and in her head. There was one fairly wild update just a couple months after the original post, but it sounded like things were still pretty unsettled with her future, and she was freelancing rather than go back to the toxic workplace. I hope she’s happier now, and that both the CEO and the “goblins in HR” (her description) got their richly deserved comeuppance.

    Original post here: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/01/a-dna-test-revealed-the-ceo-is-my-half-brother-and-hes-freaking-out.html
    Update here: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/03/update-a-dna-test-revealed-the-ceo-is-my-half-brother-and-hes-freaking-out.html

    1. EvilQueenRegina*

      I was thinking about that one when the recent letter came up about the nepotism policy and family tree of distant cousins! Seconding that request

  83. Pencil case*

    This is really random, but I love the Surprise Me button, and I recently read this really disturbing one from back in October 2012 called “My husband emailed my manager about our decision for me to resign.” I really hope the LW is doing okay now. I’ll put the link in a reply to this in case it gets lost

  84. Slinky*

    Yay updates! Here are my top ones from this year:

    Flickering bat cave: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/01/my-new-hires-office-looks-like-a-dark-flickering-bat-cave-and-is-scaring-off-patrons.html

    The false affair: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/01/coworker-told-everyone-im-having-an-affair-but-im-not-colleagues-office-is-gun-themed-and-more.html

    The secret email account: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/01/boss-is-paranoid-that-i-have-a-secret-email-account-voluntary-task-has-suddenly-become-mandatory-and-more.html

    My boss says my work is bad: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/04/my-boss-says-my-work-is-bad-but-all-evidence-says-the-opposite.html

    The person who didn’t want to be pied in the face: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/05/i-dont-want-to-be-pied-in-the-face-for-work.html

  85. Dhaskoi*

    Beyond the heat death of the universe, I will still be wondering about ‘The Keeper of the Zipper.”

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      Oh yes, “employee refuses to lie” was a wild one. I doubt the LW would change the policy, so I really hope the employee is working at a better, honest place now.

      1. Irish Teacher.*

        I think that is the letter that brought me here! It appeared on my facebook feed, I think.

  87. Anonymous Cat*

    The one where the LW discovered the CEO was a half brother and he freaked out.
    ———
    https://www.askamanager.org/2024/05/update-theres-nothing-i-can-do-about-my-nightmare-workload-right-2.html

    I wondered if the LW knew what happened when the new hire came in to an office with no other employees.

    ———

    I promoted one employee instead of her coworker, and now my whole team is upset

    ———

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/11/my-employee-refuses-to-lie-to-customers-but-thats-our-policy.html

    ——

    my mother is tracking my comings and goings at work

    —-
    The one with the bat infestation, including a popcorn machine.

  89. Granola*

    Oh, pleeeeaaaase get an update on:

    1. The letter writer who told an interviewer he never makes mistakes, and then doubled down on this stance in his first update.

    2. The recent LW whose employees walked out after he went into a screaming, swearing, object-throwing rage.

    3. The letter from a few years ago (2017?) in which LW’s coworker was a trust fund baby and got the boss to join her in mocking coworkers for being poor.

  90. Deanna*

    I still want an update on the dude that had the boss that wanted him and another male coworker to make a trucker sex tape. I’d just like to hear he quit and is doing fine!

  92. Sanibel Island*

    Can we also get a post on the ways men, ahem I mean people, hit on chat bots? (“Men, heal thy selves” is one of my quotes of the year)

    1. Hlao-roo*

      There was an update to the “men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman’s name” letter! The original was posted January 8, 2024 and the update was posted February 5, 2024.

  98. Yes*

    https://www.askamanager.org/2022/05/my-wife-says-my-relationship-with-my-coworker-is-inappropriate.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2017/02/my-coworkers-know-ive-been-in-a-volatile-possibly-abusive-relationship-can-i-bring-my-fiance-to-work-events.html

    I know there was an update to this one, but I’d love to know what happened after — did the employee transfer to a different manager, etc? The manager who wrote in was so kind and amazing, I’ve never forgotten that letter:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2017/02/i-manage-someone-who-was-terribly-harmed-by-my-family-what-do-i-do.html

  99. Anita Brake*

    Yay! I love this time of year! But time is surely going by quickly…I feel like Alison just posted this a couple months ago instead of a whole year. Bring on the cheap ass rolls!!

  100. I'll have the blue plate special, please.*

    Also the one involving a man who lost his sister and the coworker saying he should forgive and advocate for her killer in prison.

  103. Martin Blackwood*

    Im surprised I havent seen anyone share this letter: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/04/my-boss-wants-us-to-meet-with-a-spiritualist-to-fix-the-negative-energy-in-our-building.html

    This is the opposite letter of a recent update about the Employee doing a random background check: https://www.askamanager.org/2022/03/my-new-boss-ran-his-own-background-check-on-me.html

    And lastly: https://www.askamanager.org/2020/10/when-is-struggling-financially-worth-it-for-your-career.html

  104. Martin Blackwood*

    I’ve asked for this before so im assuming the LW hasnt replied, but im so desperate to know how the boss-tapes-peoples-mouth-shut guy did during covid. Terrible boss decided to “Allow” him to job search starting in April 2020. I think of him all the time.

    1. Any Given Fergus*

      I came here to make the same request. We must have both followed the same “You May Also Like” chain today.

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