can you be fired for making a pass at your boss’s spouse, volunteer dropped the ball, and more

by Alison Green on November 14, 2024

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can you be fired for making a pass at your boss’s spouse?

I am a longtime watcher of the CBS soap The Bold and the Beautiful and recently a plot line came up that I thought would be fun to run by you!

On the soap, Steffy runs Forrester Creations (an international fashion house that seems to only have three rooms in its office space). She has long-standing enmity with her stepsister Hope, who is the main designer of one of their fashion lines. Steffy and Hope have fought over men in the past (and have been married to and had children with the same guy), and Hope is now single and was crushing on Steffy’s husband, Finn (who’s a doctor but seems to spend a lot of time at his wife’s work). She made a pass at him at a non-work event and he turned her down, but everyone found out. Steffy told Hope that if she made another pass at Finn, she would be fired.

Hope moved on to a new guy (Carter, who’s the COO — this place has terrible work boundaries) and while attempting to have sexy times with Carter at work, she accidentally ended up in a compromising position with Finn in her lingerie due to mistaken identity. Steffy walked in on them and fired her on the spot, despite Hope saying it was a miscommunication and she wasn’t attempting to seduce her husband.

Many of the characters are saying it’s wrong for Steffy to fire Hope for a personal non-work reason and I’m wondering how you would advise Steffy or Hope if they wrote into you!

Of course it’s reasonable to fire your sister for continually hitting on your husband. There is no obligation to continue to employ a relative who tries to personally betray you in that way. Steffy would also be on solid ground in firing Hope for stripping down to lingerie at work and attempting to have sex in the office, regardless of who she hoped to have the sex with.

It would also be reasonable, and legal, for Steffy to fire Hope if Hope tried to kidnap her child, was secretly sheltering an evil twin, or was blackmailing their long-lost uncle after he came out of a coma. (I watched Days of Our Lives as a child; I know how this works.)

2. Volunteer dropped the ball and wouldn’t respond to any messages

I belong to a professional organization that has a national branch as well as state chapters (sometimes more than one per state). For my state, we have three chapters and we hold one large statewide conference every year. I am a chair of a subcommittee of the main chapter. These aren’t paid positions (it’s more something that looks good on resumes).

The same woman has always handled our submission to the statewide conference every year. This year, she was going to record a podcast with former chairs of our subcommittee and then post them to the chapter’s social media so everyone attending the conference (not just our session) could listen. (She also hosts a professional podcast related to our profession in her spare time.)

About a month before the conference, we still had no work product from her, despite this starting three months prior. She emailed a week or so later, saying she had never imagined her work would be this busy this year, but she would make the deadline.

So we went on to assign co-hosts to eight tables, telling the co-hosts where the podcasts would be posted and to listen so they would be able to help direct any conversations.

Not only did this woman not post anything to the social media accounts until the morning of the conference, she would not answer any phone calls or emails asking where these podcasts were, or what she needed help with, despite several of us inquiring.

I’m wondering how we could have best handled this situation. Looking back, I think more check-ins might have helped, especially with hindsight, knowing we should have taken stuff off her plate. I just don’t know how to handle it when people are not answering any communication — for all we know, she could have had a family emergency and not been able to handle any of this, so we were also worried.

Yes, more check-ins! If you’re counting on having something by a particular date, you don’t want to just leave it for months and not check in until the end; you want to check in at least a few times throughout so that you can ensure things are on track and course-correct if they’re not.

If someone in this context (an unpaid volunteer) isn’t responding at all to inquiries, then at some point you assume they’re not doing the work and make other plans — and you let them know that with a message like, “Since we haven’t hear back from you about X, I’m guessing you don’t have time to do it this quarter. Because we’d need know for sure by the 15th, if we haven’t heard from you by next week, we will assume X isn’t happening this year and will make different plans.” And then the next week, if you haven’t heard from them, you send another message confirming that you’re moving forward without their work on X.

3. My coworker road-raged at me and now she’s trying to be BFFs

Last year I was involved in a road rage incident. I cut someone off (not my proudest moment, mea culpa) and she followed me closely, occasionally pulling up next to me at intersections to scream threats and obscenities at me, until I pulled into the parking lot of a police station. I made a report but there was never any follow-up. It was really scary, but I was unharmed.

Recently, I changed jobs. On day one, I was being introduced to my new team, and wouldn’t you know it, the woman who road raged at me is on my team! She didn’t recognize me at first, but a few days after I started, she told me she’d recognized my car in the employee parking lot. She apologized and let me know that the incident had been part of a very low point in her life that she’s been working hard to recover from. I thanked her for apologizing and have since been polite to her at work.

However, she seems to have gotten it into her head that this has brought us closer together, and is now making overtures of friendship towards me (asking for my socials/contact info, asking me to hang out after work, etc.). I appreciate that she apologized but I’m really not interested in being her friend. I’m worried that not going along with this will set her off somehow. What do you think is the best way forward here?

Treat her like you would any other colleague who was making social overtures you weren’t interested in — meaning set clear boundaries and politely decline: “You’re kind to ask but I keep work and social media separate.” / “I’m not able to socialize after work.” / “No, thank you, but I hope you have fun if you go!” / etc. Alternately, you can say more directly, “I appreciate your apologizing for what happened last year, but I prefer to leave it there and simply work together as colleagues.”

It sounds like you’re worried about a volatile reaction because you’ve already seen her have a volatile reaction once before. Hopefully we can take her at her word that she’s working hard to not repeat that behavior, and she has more incentive not to blow up at a colleague than at a stranger … but if she does blow up again, you’ll have more recourse this time and can escalate it to your employer to manage.

Related:
I don’t want to be friends with my coworker

4. How to ask people who want free advice to pay me for it

I am a technical expert in a niche field and have accumulated some contacts from a previous position who I assisted with some brief, but free, advice in the months after I left, knowing that it was very hard to fill my spot. My previous employer hasn’t replaced me in a year (and counting).

Things were quiet for some time but they came back with a very big issue and copied a number of high level staff, attached documents, and asked me for help beyond a few quick questions. I’ve also had other people I’ve previously worked with ask me questions regarding my expertise to use for their own jobs for paying work for other clients. This is work I would need to be paid for, not free advice.

How do I either politely deflect freeloaders who are profiting off my niche experience, or potentially broach a discussion of having them pay a consulting fee? I was a public employee previously, but I am not willing to work for free now that I have moved on to another position, but am interested in a consulting side job.

“The scope of this is more than I could answer quickly, but we could set up a short-term consulting agreement if you’re interested in that.” Include an estimate of what you think they’d need and what you’d charge.

Alternately, if you’re not interested in doing a particular piece of work even if you’re paid for it: “The scope of this is more than I could answer quickly. I sometimes do this kind of thing on a consultant basis but realistically wouldn’t have the time to take it on right now — my apologies!” If you can easily refer them to someone else who might do it for pay, refer them for the good will it will generate on both sides.

5. “Gotcha” instructions in an applicant’s cover letter

I’m a hiring manager for the first time and wading through applications and cover letters. Today one of the letters had a postscript: “I’m not sure if recruiters read these until the end. If you did, write ‘Booyah’ at the beginning of my follow-up email. Because you did what most don’t!”

I understand that job seekers are frustrated with the rise of AI and job application systems that seem like black holes. But yes, a person reads the applications at least some of the time — especially at smaller places, or for jobs where writing is important. And I’m not sure if there is a job or company where a statement like that would help your case for getting the job. At the very least it seems like a big risk to turn people off.

I put this applicant in the no pile for not only this reason, but wonder if I should respond, not with “booyah” but with some version of feedback that their P.S. was unprofessional. Or is it not worth it and I should just move on and let them get the form rejection email?

It’s not worth it. They’ll figure it out from the lack of employer response, or they’ll find the one employer who thinks it’s amazing, or they won’t figure it out and will just stay bitter … but it’s not your job to coach them. (I understand the impulse! I used to have it myself. To the point that I started a blog to try to help. But it’s really not your job.)

Interestingly, occasionally employers have used this tactic too — including instructions in ads like “please put ‘kumquat’ in the subject line of your email in order to be considered.” It’s as infantilizing (and a bit insulting) when they do it too.

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{ 409 comments }

{ 409 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. nnn*

    The weird thing about employers saying “please put kumquat in the subject line of your email in order to be considered” is they could absolutely say “Please quote job posting #ABC123 in the subject line of your email”, and that would absolutely be seen as reasonable and unremarkable

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    1. Silver Robin*

      honestly! It makes total sense to want to get all the submissions for job #ABC123 together in a batch; including that in the subject line is the easiest way to do it. Company sounds completely normal, does something useful for themselves, and – bonus! – still gets to test for attention to detail. Making it a nonsense phrase turns into a super obvious test and therefore it is more test than utility and people feel condescended to (because it is!).

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    2. KateM*

      Yes, one would just think that they have set up a mailbox rule to make sure that all the applications are in the same place and none disappears between other emails.

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      1. Observer*

        one would just think that they have set up a mailbox rule to make sure that all the applications are in the same place and none disappears between other emails.

        And they might be right, too. The people who I know who did that were not trying to gauge people’s attention to detail, but to make sure that Outlook rules would work. Not just for finding the emails or putting them into folders, but in some cases to make sure they got forwarded to others involved in the process.

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    3. RCB*

      I always had a “Please put “communications director” in the subject line of the email” prompt in every job posting as a test to see if people follow directions. I agree that it’s reasonable and not a weird gimmick like Kumquat, though it’s also hard to explain why one is okay and the other isn’t when it’s the exact same process, just different words.

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      1. BellaStella*

        From a comms perspective one email relates to the subject (job of coms director) and one email does not at all (kumquat)

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        1. Dust Bunny*

          This.

          I would expect to put “Job posting ABC123” in the subject line because it’s very relevant and it’s also very normal to include the gist of a topic in an email subject line. I would not expect to put “kumquat” (unless maybe the job involved kumquats) and thus would probably miss the request because it wasn’t relevant to the posting. These aren’t equivalent situations.

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      2. Emmy Noether*

        I think the difference is that putting the job title in the subject line (which I’ve always done whether requested or not) serves a purpose besides being a test. Of course it would be possible to use different fruit as a code for different job postings. But who wants to keep track of that? What happens when two different jobs accidentally get posted with “banana”?

        Also, putting a job title or other “serious” reference word doesn’t make the jobseeker feel ridiculous and like a child playing a game.

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        1. Jessica*

          But what if two or more of the jobs at your organization ARE bananas?? What if your company’s uniform is the entire bananapants fall line? How will you sort your job posting correspondence then?

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        2. Tess McGill*

          I was thinking this too. I also wondered if part of this was to see if applicants will do something odd or unconventional just to see them jump. Feels like a power move.

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          2. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

            Yes — I refer to this as the “dance, little monkeys” type of employer. (It’s not up there with 8 interviews or an all-day work test where you know they’re gonna use your work product even if they reject you, but it’s a small red flag.)

            BTW, love your username, Tess!

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        3. learnedthehardway*

          Exactly – there’s a practical purpose to asking candidates to put the req number in the email title. It informs me (as the recruiter) which role the person is applying to. That’s important for me to know, as sometimes I will be managing multiple roles and need to focus on one in particular (eg. if there haven’t been any suitable candidates so far). I also have things set to sort applications into different email folders, based on the requisition numbers, so someone who doesn’t put the req number in the title might not get seen, when I review the resumes in the folder. So it benefits the candidates as well to quote the position req number in their application.

          Requesting something like “kumquat” is just arbitrary and displays a certain level of “gotcha-ness” that implies the person will be a jerk to work for.

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      3. metadata minion*

        Putting the name of the position in the subject line is the kind of attention to detail and following institutional style guides that someone might actually have to do in the position. It’s always possible that somewhere in your institution’s files there are things organized by random fruit names, but if so that will be an understood internal joke rather than an unexpected test.

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      4. Sloanicota*

        FWIW we do that because we have crappy systems and all our applications are going into a general inbox, not because we’re just trying to test the applicant, although it does also serve that purpose somewhat.

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        1. ferrina*

          This makes sense to me. It’s a necessary step for the application process, and it’s actually relevant to the role. Almost every job has some component where you need to follow random instructions for admin tasks because of software limitations/weird processes that can’t be changed/etc.

          Whereas a “gotcha” test is just a weird premise to begin with- “I don’t trust you enough to be able to apply to a job properly, and I don’t trust my screening process enough so I am adding an unnecessary and irrelevant step to test both you and my screeners, rather than thinking critically about my assumptions or underlying causes.”

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        2. Ginger Cat Lady*

          Maybe YOU are not, but upthread in this discussion another commenter says he does it “as a test to see if people follow directions.” so clearly some people are using it as a test.

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      5. Learn ALL the things*

        For me, it’s because asking an applicant to put the job title or posting number in their email is testing how well they pay attention to the steps that will actually matter if they get the job. Can they read a work document and come away knowing what to do with the information they’ve learned, and will the follow the office’s processes for work tasks? As an applicant, when I see that request in a job post, it makes sense on a lot of levels.

        The random code word bothers me, because would an employer actually want to hire someone who has proven that they will go down rabbit holes looking for unnecessary information? Looking for cheat codes in a job post so you can game the system is pretty much the opposite of what I want in a coworker, so it’s not testing for the thing the company thinks it’s testing for, and as an applicant, it feels like the company is looking to weed out candidates who aren’t willing to be sent on those kinds of nonsensical goose chases.

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        1. Katara's side braids*

          I think the point is that you’re supposed to happen across the “cheat codes” incidentally as you thoroughly review the posting, and they’re trying to select out people who just kinda skim. I don’t think they realize that it’ll lead to the kind of “looking for cheat codes” behavior you reference in the applicants they don’t want, and is a condescending turnoff for the detail-oriented employees they do want.

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    4. Priscilla Tells It Like It Is*

      if you read this, please bring a check for fifty dollars to my interview, please and thank you!

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              1. PurpleShark*

                Okay, this reminds me of a story about a speeder who was caught by a speed camera. The police sent a photo of their car and the ticket. They responded with a photo of the cash for the fine. So, the police sent a photo of a jail cell.

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          2. ferrina*

            Now you’re testing if they can find a fax machine! This is excellent- it shows how far they will go for their employees! /s

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          3. Selina Luna*

            Fun fact: if you have the routing number and the account number, you can, in fact, fax someone a check. One thing the newer checks do is have special ink that blocks the account number except for the last four digits when someone makes a copy or tries to fax them, however.
            Now, some banks might not accept copied or faxed checks. I don’t know about that. But if you have the routing number and the account number, some places will take anything. That’s why Frank Abignale got away with stuff for so long, honestly. That, and they had to confirm whether an account had money or even existed using the US Postal Service and telephone lines.

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    6. Disappointed Australien*

      This is basically what I do. “please describe your specific experience with FooBar2020 in your cover letter”. We work with some very specific technologies and that helps both with people who have the exact skill, and those who have no idea.

      The problem this addresses is the people who search for every single programming job in Australia and spam out applications. We get probably 100 of those for each relevant application. But the spammers either don’t bother with a cover letter or it’s completely generic.

      (We expect to train people and I have previously hired a “no experience but have two years with {something similar}” applicant).

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      1. Vanamonde von Mekkhan*

        I don’t know about FooBar2020, but I do have experience with Foobar2000 (the music player). Is that similar enough? ;)

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      2. ferrina*

        Honestly, just requiring a cover letter (and stating that in the job posting) already eliminates an incredible number of people who simply will not provide a cover letter of any kind.
        I love that you ask for specific experience to be described as well- great use of a cover letter!

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    7. Earlk*

      I worked somewhere that asked the applicants to list the company values (3 words, easy to find online and typical for someone to look for at least prior to an interview with these jobs) as something that was both useful for them to know going in to the interview and an easy thing for them to check had happened when going through applications.

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    8. rebelwithmouseyhair*

      At my previous job, at a translation agency, a freelance translator once translated about 50,000 words in a document instead of just pages 2 and 3 as instructed, because he didn’t read the PO to the end. He tried billing for the whole work but the project manager had clearly written “pages 2 and 3 only” and explained that we were sending the whole document so they had the full context, with some tough terminology on page 3 explained thoroughly on page 42.

      After that, the boss instructed the PMs to all add the instruction “if you’re still reading this, call me for a bottle of champagne” to the bottom of each PO, to see how many read that far. Only two out of dozens of translators actually reacted to that. Some may have thought it couldn’t possibly be true… (I wouldn’t have, but I’d have made some kind of joke to show that I’d seen it).

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    9. Kitten*

      I put please attach a resume and cover letter as a single pdf (bold and underlined) and about half do it. It’s not a test, it’s just easier for me processing resumes. I’ve hired plenty of people who miss that.

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      1. Sloanicota*

        Yeah we have that too, for the same reason, and a lot of people don’t do it – we don’t have like an ATS so when people send multiple files (some legit named “resume”) I end up having to rename them all and create folders to keep things together. Which I do, and it’s fine. I do think there might be a slight correlation between people who aren’t familiar with the simple and free tools to manipulate PDFs and people who might be good at our jobs – there’s no tech support in our office, so you’re going to have to be someone who googles and figures things out – but I also do understand that most job seekers are applying to vast numbers of posts, and that all picayune instructions are just *one more thing* on top of a huge burden of work in job seeking. And yes, I am job searching myself, which is why I have the sympathy haha.

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    10. Vanamonde von Mekkhan*

      Is it reasonable for the job searcher to write the same? So that they clearly see that it is about a job opening and what job it is about. Although I assume the interviewers just do reply most of the time, so the job searcher can place it in the subject themself.

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    11. Momma Bear*

      The thing is, though, that teachers use the kind of thing (white mousefont instructions) to catch kids cheating because the AI uses everything it sees, even if the human did not notice. It’s counterproductive, won’t result in what they want, I’d honestly bristle at the mistrust from the gate. What other gotchas would they try over the course of their employment or what instructions would they balk at? Not worth the time.

      Referencing the job posting – 100%. Make it easier on the poor HR person. I’m actually surprised it’s not a standard thing for people to write a relevant subject line.

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    12. amoeba*

      True. I’d still find it weird and get a “gotcha” vibe if they put that hidden into the last line of the ad or whatever. Like, if it’s crucial and serves a real purpose, I’d, you know, put it on top. And bold. Hiding crucial information is always weird for me.

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    13. Elsewhere1010*

      I would be so tempted to fill in the subject line with Comtesse de Ségur-Booyah.

      But it was having thought like these that told me it was time for me to find a non-office related career path.

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  2. Daria grace*

    #5 if I was recruiting and got this I would be concerned that the applicant had an incredibly overinflated sense of their own importance and value, like they thought they’d have so many companies begging to work with them requiring filtering down the list to remove the unworthy. I’d also worry about the way really odd communication gimmicks may show up in interactions with coworkers/customers/suppliers.

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    1. Silver Robin*

      They just sound bitter and over it to me. Which is a different set of negatives, but considering how dismal the job market is for a lot of folks, it is more understandable.

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      1. Observer*

        I’m not sure I would call it more understandable. I mean being bitter, maybe. But handling it this way?

        So either way, I’d be worrying about their judgement and communications skills. And it doesn’t matter *what* the job is. “Plays nicely with others” is a non-negotiable requirement for the vast majority of jobs, and this doesn’t sound like close to that.

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        1. Silver Robin*

          And indeed, all I said was that being bitter was understandable considering the context. Not that the behavior was okay or acceptable or productive. In fact, I called those motivations a “different set of negatives”. I am not sure why expressing the slightest bit of compassion to somebody is getting read as excusing them.

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      2. Observer*

        considering how dismal the job market is for a lot of folks, it is more understandable.

        More understandable in how they feel. But no more understandable in terms of how they *behave*. And it might help explain why they are having trouble finding something.

        Spewing negativity at random people is not a good way to convince them to take you seriously. And this kind of behavior, no matter the reason for it, does bring both their judgement and their baseline emotional regulation into question.

        True, people are not robots, and when someone is having a hard time, it’s likely to affect their behavior at work. But there is a huge difference between skipping happy hour, keeping chitchat to a minimum, etc. vs dumping on people and throwing accusations at random people.

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        1. Silver Robin*

          I did say it was a different set of negatives. I did not say that it being more understandable than being a “self important jerk” made it okay… There is space between “self important jerk” and “reasonable behavior” that still falls below the threshold of “reasonable behavior”. I was just trying to present a different perspective on the motivations at play.

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    2. kanomi*

      If I was the LW, I’d write back with a formulaic two line response but end the nite with an ALLCAPS “BOOYEAH!”

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      1. Ellis Bell*

        *Two line formulaic response*

        P.S. Did you mean to put “booyah” in your application? I didn’t read it, but the bot wants to know what it means.

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      2. Falling Diphthong*

        Okay, I like the idea of doing this from an anonymous email account.

        “Booyah! Someone, somewhere read your entire cover letter. But you will never know which hiring manager it was. Signed, Kumquat”

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    3. Literally a Cat*

      In 2015 I also felt this way. in 2024 I just think people are over sending out 300 applications a day to ghost AIs

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      1. Jax*

        I wondered if frustration with AI was might be behind it. And yet, I’ve seen, for example, professors say they’ve detected students using AI by including an instruction in tiny or white text invisible to the eye — like, “The final paper must include a reference to kumquats” — and so AI spits out a paper that does. I wouldn’t know if companies are using AI in that way to generate more personalized responses (probably not, it could cause all sorts of unintended issues as opposed to sending a template rejection), but they might. I mean, ironically, AI might be MORE likely than a human to respond the way this person directed.

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        1. Emily of New Moon*

          “they’ve detected students using AI by including an instruction in tiny or white text invisible to the eye — like, “The final paper must include a reference to kumquats” — and so AI spits out a paper that does.”

          Wow, that’s a great way to catch cheaters!

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          1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

            I don’t understand why it works. One of my instructors did this last term (with white text) and I found it when I pasted the prompt into my dark-mode Word to write the assignment. So then out of curiosity I did paste it into ChatGPT and the pasted prompt clearly showed the “if you’re using AI include a line about the Ford Pinto” bit, it was very obvious and I don’t know how someone would miss it. But four of the posted assignments had a random discussion about the Ford Pinto, so clearly …

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            1. Jax*

              I’m not an expert in this. The way I understand it is that 1) the AI can and will read the white text or microscopic words in the instructions that students can’t see on their screen. Maybe they can see it in copy/paste into ChatGPT, I don’t know about other AI or bots for churning out papers or how closely a student might read the copied text. The instructions can be a single short command and not something that jumps out like kumquats — I saw a professor on Twitter whose hidden instruction was to include a footnote citing an academic paper whose title and author he made up.

              But also 2) in the examples I’ve seen, the professors haven’t used phrasing like “if you’re using AI then include this” or any mention of AI. The hidden instruction is just phrased as a required element of the paper, written how AI understands directions.

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            2. Cmdrshprd*

              “I don’t understand why it works……it was very obvious and I don’t know how someone would miss it. But four of the posted assignments had a random discussion about the Ford Pinto, so clearly …”

              not sure if you are really asking or not. But it is not a 100% fool proof method of catching AI cheating, but I think as you saw it is. helpful way of catching the lazy AI cheaters who just paste the prompt without looking at what they paste and then don’t review the results.

              Also not sure how the ai entry works but I think how you paste can make a difference. do you paste with “keep original formating” if so the whitetext stays white, or do you paste with “keep text only” so it strips the formatting and all text is revealed.

              Also it wouldn’t catch people who use AI and review the results for accuracy, and/or put in mistakes on purpose that AI wouldn’t make. This to me is similar to the C- student who all of a sudden turns in an A+ paper they bought, lazy and not smart cheating, versus the C- student who turns in a B/B- paper.

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        2. Kate*

          This makes me wonder if instructions like that are also “visible” to screen readers. And whether there’s a way to distinguish them in how they are read. (Obviously if the language of the instruction says “if you’re using AL..” then yes, but if the language of the instruction is similar, would it just appear as part of the regular instruction to someone who was visually impaired & using assistive technology? That seems hugely problematic.

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          1. Selina Luna*

            It could be, I suppose, but someone even a little savvy would wonder why their professor or teacher included language about the Ford Pinto when the writing assignment is a literary analysis of The Strange Tale of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I’ve never included such language, but I do know a bunch of people who use screen readers (including myself if my eyes are having a bad day), and very few of them would just include something fully unrelated in their writing without at least asking some questions.

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      2. bamcheeks*

        This is a really self-perpetuating myth, though! There’s relatively little evidence of companies introducing AI into their recruitment processes– 79% of the biggest graduate recruiters in the UK, who tend to lead the pack when it comes to the newest and coolest recruitment thing, say there is no AI in their recruitment processes. What they ARE saying is that they are receiving two or three times as many applications as five years ago, many of them obviously produced using gen-AI, because candidates are sending out more applications in the belief that they are facing more competition.

        Almost nobody I’ve spoken to in recruitment thinks AI has a significant role to play in helping them recruit, outside of relying on the LinkedIn algorithm to show you potential good matches to approach. Nobody thinks AI can do a better job than a human at a first sift. Heck, one of the things we see here regularly is that most hiring managers don’t even think HR does a better job at the first sift than they can.

        There is absolutely a market for systems that rank and order applications, but there really isn’t one for a system that automatically screens people out, except at the most basic level of “tick a box to confirm you have X qualification”, which is not AI and you absolutely know when you are doing it.

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        2. L-squared*

          I do think people have different ideas of what AI is.

          As an example, I sell a product that uses AI. People think of it in much bigger terms, like Chat GPT, but never think of predictive text on your phone as AI, which it is.

          So while I believe these companies aren’t using a big thing to do it, I also would wager that any big company, especially one who is using any kind of application system, has something in their system that flags which applications are tossed immediately and which are looked at by a person. That is AI, even if they don’t want to acknowledge it.

          Reply ↓
          1. bamcheeks*

            I also would wager that any big company, especially one who is using any kind of application system, has something in their system that flags which applications are tossed immediately and which are looked at by a person

            No, this is exactly what I mean– there are almost no systems that do this. Alison has a whole post about this called “Your job application was rejected by a human, not a computer” October 2013. I work with lots of people in recruitment and I’ve come across systems that rank candidates (although in the UK, they are also pretty uncommon, but the US might be different) but none which reject candidates without them being reviewed by a person. I mentioned more recent research in the UK because I don’t see any sign that that’s changed since gen-AI come out.

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        3. Falling Diphthong*

          In fairness, a friend of my son’s took the “submit a zillion applications” approach and wound up with quite a good job in computers.

          Reply ↓
          1. bamcheeks*

            Yeah, it works for some people, particularly in high-demand fields. I mean, some people get jobs simply by having an active LinkedIn profile and being approached by recruiters who are actively searching for candidates.

            But if you need to find a job, it is usually not the most efficient way to do it. Having more applications out in the world only helps if hiring managers are effectively running their application processes like a lottery and selecting a few candidates randomly. If they are matching people to a specific criteria, then a targeted application that makes that process easier will generally come higher than a generic one.

            Reply ↓
        4. La Lena*

          This is interesting to me because we’ve been talking at work about the potential to use AI for initial screenings (just to be clear, we’re not talking about next month, but more in terms of 3 – 5 year planning). We’re typically receiving 500+ applications per position, all coming through a portal, and we don’t have the staff capacity to manage this. We routinely approach screening by reading applications until we have a short list of reasonable first interviews. Let’s say: 500 applications received, a human person reads 1 – 75, and flags ten of them for further outreach and potential interviews. A human will never read applications 76 – 500, unless none of the original ten result in a hire and we go back to the pool. I don’t love this approach but I don’t know what else to do. What we hope in theory is that an AI tool could do a scan of the 500 so that application #371 with a strong match for experience gets pushed to the front of the pool.

          I don’t think the AI could do a *better* job than a human, but given that I have one human for this task and 500 applications, I only need AI to do a supplemental job.

          Reply ↓
          1. bamcheeks*

            Most of the places I know that are dealing with applications with those kind of numbers look for a way to cut down on the number of applications, either by closing the post early, or by asking people to complete a more detailed application and time-consuming application process. Both of those seem like a better candidate experience to me — yes you’ll lose a few good candidates who aren’t willing to spend longer on an application, and some of your good candidates might miss the window, but at least you don’t have people putting time and effort into an application that isn’t even read.

            your serious candidates who really do want the job

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    4. LB33*

      I’d probably think they were just shooting for humor to stand out and maybe missed the mark. If their resume looked fine otherwise I’d keep them in contention

      Reply ↓
      1. Learn ALL the things*

        I find it telling that the LW said they had put the application on the no pile for other reasons. Whenever we see these stories about resume gimmicks, it feels like they’re being put to use by people who already weren’t very strong candidates for the positions they’re applying for.

        Reply ↓
        1. Slow Gin Lizz*

          Yup. There’s a fairly early AAM post about “things that don’t automatically disqualify you but don’t help your application either” and this would fit perfectly in that category. I’ll try to find it and share the link; it’s a good read.

          Reply ↓
        2. OP5*

          They seemed very early career/ straight out of school so their experience wasn’t as strong as others in the pool. But this job in particular requires judgement handling sensitive issues so that was also a factor.

          Reply ↓
    5. ecnaseener*

      I agree, the filtering implication would strike me as really odd. So a recruiter moves you to the next stage without reading every word of your cover letter…so what? The function of a cover letter is to help get you to that first interview. If you’re being invited to an interview, congrats, your cover letter did its job with or without being read closely. (And if you’re just getting rejected up front, that’s a form letter and no one’s going to bother customizing it for you even if they saw the PS.)

      Reply ↓
      1. amoeba*

        Hah, also, good point. I mean, if they reject you, that’s one thing, but if they were actually planning to move you along?

        Reply ↓
    6. Rex Libris*

      It would be hard for me not to reply with “Dear applicant, I regret to inform you that your application has been rejected due to an eye-roll inducing lack of professionalism. Booyah, Rex Libris.”

      Reply ↓
  3. Zowayix*

    #5 I’m surprised by the reaction here; if I were looking for a job and saw the “kumquat” line in the ad, I wouldn’t find it insulting at all, rather whimsical.

    Reply ↓
    1. Silver Robin*

      It feels like a blaring “this is a test!!!!! haha look at the test!!!” sign to me. Stop being cutesy while you assess me. Especially when I do not, as evidenced in this letter, get to test you back the same way.

      Reply ↓
      1. Nonanon*

        It gives me “answer 5 to this question” to prove you’re actually taking an assessment or “read all instructions (step 100 is “write your name only”) as some teacher’s weird assignment to prove you read the syllabus vibes; yeah, sure, okay, whatever floats your boat or ensures you’re not getting robo applicants, but I’m also going to be concerned you won’t treat me like an adult.

        Reply ↓
        1. Teapot Librarian*

          My second grade teacher gave us that “read all the instructions first” assignment on the first day of school. I remember which of my friends was the only person to get it “right.” Forty years ago.

          Reply ↓
        2. Silver Robin*

          Yeah, the condescension is eye rolling at best and “final straw in a miserable job market” at worst. Employers already have the upper hand, they could at least treat applicants like adults.

          I did like those trick quizzes at school because I took them as a rather direct object lesson in “make sure you actually follow directions – read all the questions first! – before doing the thing”. I am pretty sure I failed it, but I got a laugh out of my own hubris, thinking I did knew better than to do what I had explicitly been told. Do I always follow that lesson now? No. Does it have consequences? Rarely. Still useful though, especially with recipes.

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    2. Marshmallow*

      As a generally whimsical person that doesn’t always get when it’s ok to be whimsical… I’ve learned that a majority of people are sadly not whimsical.

      I don’t know what I would think of that test on an application… probably depends how desperate I am to find a job. I might be at least curious what a place that would do that would be like. I feel like it would either be a place that doesn’t subscribe to professional standards that are silly or possibly just a ridiculous place full of crazy people that turn everything into a test. It’s a dice roll.

      I’m really bad at professional norms. I’m decent at the “doing part of my job”… but I’ll never be someone where they’ll be like “yeah send that one to headquarters to give a presentation”. Which is why I also probably wouldn’t immediately recognize this as weird. And I’ve been in the working world for more than 15 years…

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      1. Stanley steamers*

        In my experience (and this is VERY much a YMMV case), there is a VERY fine line between “whimsical” and “manic pixie dream girl/boy.” It’s how you wind up with anything related to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I can’t stand anything related to the original book, the Gene Wilder movie (as much as I love GW in anything else he’s done), the Johnny Depp movie, or the newer Timothee Chalée movie*

        *and this just proves my point about what a YMMV situation “whimsy” is because EVERYONE else loves at least one version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factors—the original book and/or one of the movie adaptations. Me, I’m the weirdo who doesn’t.

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        1. Emmy Noether*

          Hi! There’s two of us. I don’t enjoy anything Willy Wonka either. In German we’d say it’s “überkandidelt” (because of course we have a word for it), which means sort of over-the-top in a kitschy/overexcited way.

          And I do enjoy whimsy! I once decorated a roughly-triangle-shaped plot like a christmas tree in a report. I also enjoy silly passwords.
          I don’t enjoy being subjected to silly tests.

          Reply ↓
          1. Na$ty Larry*

            At risk of derailing I’m happy to raise my hand as tribute and the third Wonka-hater :P. But I don’t like whimsy either.

            Reply ↓
            1. Carol the happy*

              I didn’t like Charlie, either, in any iterations.
              1) Hiring tests on children
              2) Contract signed by minor children is invalid.
              3) As someone who used to be called an “Oompa Loompa”, height stereotyping.
              4) Roald Dahl cheated on his wife.

              I like/d children’s literature. Not having morals shoved in my face by a grown-up bully.

              Reply ↓
      2. Czhorat*

        I’m whimsical af, but there are times when it’s appropriate to turn it off; a job application is something that has a major impact on people’s lives and livliehoods and is in an arena in which they already are likely to feel a power imbalance. Throwing little joking/not joking “playful” tests at them is cruel at worst, thoughtless at best.

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      3. Workerbee*

        I’ve found that the “most people” statements really mean “Just in my immediate experience” with a lot of confirmation bias attached. It’s not as dire as you think!

        But please consider: People can be many, many things at once.

        I retain my sense of and appreciation for whimsy even while I would _not_ appreciate a gimmicky gotcha during a process that may directly impact my present and future ability to pay bills, have a roof over my head, plan for emergencies, and (if possible) happiness.

        At the very least, it adds another stressor. Here I am, focusing on making sure I don’t have a dreaded typo in my materials, that I have the hiring manager’s name correct, that I have recopied the entire dossier of my working life into yet another ridiculous system – but oh, yeah, better put “kumquat” in the subject line or all that time, energy, and labor I just expended may end up in the recycling bin.

        It would instead send up a warning flag that this organization doesn’t have a good way to assess for attention to detail and accountability. Like, you know, the candidate sending in a typo-free cover letter, actually reading the job description first, filling in the boxes.

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        1. Czhorat*

          Yes, THIS. There are places for whimsy in your professional life.

          During watercooler/coffee machine chats.
          Informal moments around your cubical.
          Lunches, even vendor lunches.
          Even a moment at the start of an all-hands meeting.

          There are places it is NOT
          Anything with payroll
          HR procedures
          Sexual harrassment/DEI policies
          Job applications/promotions

          Some things just need to be treated with a measure of gravity. In your non-work life you’d not wear a novelty T-shirt to a hospital visit.

          Reply ↓
          1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

            Wait, what? Why would one not wear a goofy t-shirt to a hospital visit? I mean, if I wouldn’t normally wear a particular shirt around a particular person anyway, sure, but why would visiting someone in a hospital require some weird level of formality that says a funny t-shirt is not ok?

            Reply ↓
            1. Czhorat*

              I hit enter before I finished what I was saying; it was going to be a hospital visit for someone’s cancer treatment or something like that.

              My point is that there *are*moments you’d expect to treat with gravitas.

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              1. Cancer sucks*

                As someone who has spent too much time visiting cancer patients, this is a very odd position to take. I never once worried whether my t-shirt was too whimsical to wear to the oncology ward.

                Is this a cultural thing in the USA? Cancer patients requiring gravitas from their visitors? I’m baffled.

                Reply ↓
              2. Katie*

                As someone who has gone to hospital way to many times for my kids seizures, I often where my Seizures Suck shirt/dress with glee.

                I know what you are going for about professional settings blah blah blah but I promise you that people in hospitals appreciate the whimsy.

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          2. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

            Wait, what? I was rushed to the hospital last week (I’m fine now) and literally the last thing either I or my spouse was thinking of is what we were wearing. As for visitors, I’d want people to dress normally, not get dressed up formally. I’d worry they thought I was dying!

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            1. Carol the happy*

              We just gave a “Becoming Bonic, One Joint at a Time” t-shirt to a husband’s coworker who just had a knee replacement.

              He loved it, and the nurses said the surgeon was already thinking of giving them out to patients, but wasn’t sure of professionalism.

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            2. Nonanon*

              YMMV for hospital visits; some of it depends on who you’re visiting and how okay they are with novelty shirts or gallows humor

              Reply ↓
              1. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

                Most of my family members would be amused. But I’m also in a family where my dad told me he was so happy that I was the first person he saw when he woke up from heart surgery…because he knew if I was there, he must still be alive and not in heaven. (He was kidding; we don’t even believe in heaven and hell. But, dark humor is not unusual in our fam)

                Reply ↓
            3. Two-Faced Big-Haired Food Critic*

              My mom, like many of her generation, always stressed Clean And Not Ripped Underwear In Case You Have to Go to the Emergency Room. Well, in my early thirties, I collapsed at work and was taken to the ER. I didn’t have to get undressed at all. But the guy in the next cubicle had had a bicycle accident, and was apologizing for not wearing underwear beneath his spandex gear. “That’s okay,” said a nurse. “We’ll put this towel over you.” You bet I told my mom, after all the other stuff, “See, they don’t care about your underwear — even if you’re not wearing any!”

              Reply ↓
              1. StarTrek Nutcase*

                My mom preached the same. After working in an Emergency Room for only 1 mon, I let her know underwear (condition or lack of) was never even a thought. But … bottom genital jewelry “always” was thoroughly discussed.

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      4. Selina Luna*

        I’m frequently whimsical in my ordinary life, but I don’t want whimsy in my job applications unless the job is, in itself, whimsical. I might accept some whimsy when applying for a job at the Children’s Museum, but I don’t want it when applying for high school teacher. And I actually do include whimsy in my high school classes as much as I can, but the application for teaching mostly tests how we’ll handle extremely serious situations (the last one asked a question about learning a parent is abusing their child).

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    3. Kerry*

      We posted a job on indeed. The job description was clear: for consideration send resume and cover letter to email.
      My co-worker who posted the job said she had over 100 applications in the first 24 hours.
      I was shocked!
      No, she had over 100 people click on apply now.
      She had received 5 candidate emails.

      We pulled the emails, 35 in all, reviewed them and chose from that stack.

      Reply ↓
      1. Roland*

        Many people don’t read but also I think it’s really weird to post somewhere with an apply button but want people not to use it. If that’s really your only option I’d include something like “please email us, do not use the apply button”. I feel like otherwise it’s reasonable to assume the mistake is on your end, and that you forgot to change the copy from a different post that didn’t have an apply button.

        Reply ↓
        1. Arrietty*

          Indeed always provides an “apply now” button, you can’t advertise a job there without it. When I was recruiting, I replied to all the quick apply people with a template message and the actual application form (which was very clearly mentioned in the advert as being the only way to apply). A very small proportion of people actually filled it in and sent it back. One replied claiming they’d already applied, but I got no answer when I responded explaining they’d not actually applied until they’d sent the form back.

          Pressing a button so that your name is added to a list but literally no information at all is provided to the recruiter is not the same as applying for a job.

          Reply ↓
          1. Roland*

            Applicants don’t know the ins and outs of application systems, and many job postings do contain errors. It’s your right to assume anyone who applies using Indeed isn’t someone you want to hire, but it just isn’t the case that it means they didn’t carefully read your post. This information is yours to do with as you wish of course.

            Reply ↓
            1. Colette*

              If the post told them to do something and they instead did something else, either they didn’t read the post, they didn’t understand the post, or they thought the rules didn’t apply to them.

              Reply ↓
            2. ecnaseener*

              Or, as has been stated a couple times now, they figured the posting had a mistake in it. That is frankly much more believable to me than that someone deliberately posted to Indeed knowing it had an Apply button and chose not to add the words “please don’t use the Apply button.”

              Reply ↓
              2. bamcheeks*

                Indeed also scrapes jobs from other locations, though– it’s not necessarily the case that the employer has made an active decision to post the job there. And if the auto-application doesn’t give the employer the format or information they need to to compare the candidate fairly to other candidates, then it’s not punishing them by not shortlisting them: you just don’t have the information you need.

                My advice to job-seekers is take a chunk of text from any job posting on Indeed, TotalJobs or CV library and put it into google in quotation marks. Sometimes that will find you a higher-quality version of the advert, ideally on the employer website itself. You may also find there’s a downloadable PDF with further details and more specifics about how to apply. Sometimes you find that the job actually shut six months ago.

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            3. Lexi Vipond*

              Of course someone can carefully read a post which says ‘in order to apply for this job, do X’, and then not do X – but they can’t then claim that they’ve applied for the job.

              Reply ↓
            4. Na$ty Larry*

              Yeah, I’m not involved with job posting so maybe this is my ignorance speaking but to me this seems to be as much a problem with Indeed itself (or tbh, rigidity on the hiring side), as a problem with applicants.

              If I’m applying for dozens of jobs in the same sitting, I’m going to take the easiest route to getting my name put into the hat. I’d guess that for many jobs, it is more burdensome to go onto a job board, find a posting that fits, click into their website, fill out all the stuff that’s literally already on the resume that you’re required to upload anyway (OK, it’s been awhile since I’ve applied for a job but is this still A Thing???), and then go do that again for another posting than it is to just read a resume you got sent through non-preferred means.

              Reply ↓
          2. Buffalo*

            Thank you! I’m hiring right now, and this is exactly where I’m at. Last Tuesday night, of all nights, someone clicked the Indeed Apply button. I messaged them asking them to apply via our process. They wrote back five hundred words of, “I already submitted my application, it was a big, beautiful application, I submitted it perfectly, it was so application, by the way, the best application, you’ve never seen an application like it” (referring to…them having clicked the Apply button) and I was…not in the mood, for some reason?

            These people who go around like, “I applied for ten thousand jobs last month and only got two interviews :(” are often not applying for jobs. They’re clicking a button. It’s amazing to me that any of them are getting *any* interviews.

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        2. L-squared*

          Totally agree.

          From the outside, it just seems like you are trying to make things more difficult for the applicant.

          I don’t know the ins and outs of how those job boards work. But if I press reply now, and my resume goes to you, why do you really care if I do that or send it via email?

          Reply ↓
      2. learnedthehardway*

        Eh – I think that’s an annoying thing to do to candidates. You have a perfectly fine way to apply on LinkedIn, but expect candidates to take the extra time to send you an email. They may be applying to MANY roles, and so many companies require you to create a profile in their careers site. It takes A LOT of time to apply to stuff and jump through extra hoops. Also, the job seeker can manage their applications within LinkedIn – that’s handy and efficient for them.

        I would consider that putting in arbitrary obstacles is just begging the best qualified candidates to bypass your company / role, because they don’t need that kind of aggravation – not when they have plenty of other options.

        Reply ↓
        1. Buffalo*

          I’ll acknowledge that my industry may be different from others. I know tons of people in roles that draw mostly on technical skills who can apply via Linkedin and tons of people in blue-collar roles who can apply via Indeed.

          But in my industry, “putting absolutely zero thought into a job application, not tailoring your materials in any way, and clicking a button” is actually absolutely *not* “a perfectly fine way to apply”. Nor is “applying to MANY roles” necessarily a smarter investment than applying thoughtfully to a handful of roles. And in my field, at least, the best qualified candidates do not consider writing a resume and a cover letter to be “aggravation” – they consider it to be how candidates apply for jobs. It’s tautological, but in my field, I am absolutely not losing out on the best qualified candidates by requiring the best candidates to adhere to basic professional norms, because a major metric for being a “best candidate” is “being willing and able to adhere to basic professional norms”.

          If you want to play the cello in the New York Philharmonic, you could get a cello and practice until you’re really good, or you could beat your head against a wall and hope somebody eventually says, “Hey, this person hitting his head on the wall is really cool, he’s hired.” I’m simply not hiring the latter guy. I don’t care if he hits his head on the wall ten times or ten million times—I don’t care if beating his head on the wall is more convenient for him than learning to play a cello—I’m looking for someone who can play the cello.

          Reply ↓
        2. amoeba*

          Eh, on LinkedIn, for 95% of postings in my field, the “apply now” button literally only takes you to the original job posting on the company website. They all use some kind of ATS, anyway, there is usually no other way to apply, but that’s clear on LinkedIn as well.
          The few where you can actually apply via LinkedIn have a “Quick Apply” button, which I guess you can enable (disable?) when you post a position there! But if it is there, I’d probably assume it’s meant to be used, because it’s actually not the rule.

          Reply ↓
    4. Irish Teacher.*

      The way it’s phrased, I’d definitely take it as insulting. It’s like “well done. You read the whole ad. Aren’t you clever and dedicated? Now prove to us you read the whole thing so we can see how clever you are.”

      It reminds me a little of those rewards for reading X number of books as a child that I always refused to participate in (though the number was usually far less than I’d read anyway) because I thought it patronising even back then. It seems even more patronising as an adult. “We’re assuming you haven’t read properly unless you prove otherwise.”

      And yes, I know many people DON’T read carefully, but as others have said, if they want to weed them out, they could say “put the title and code for the post in the subject line,” without the suggestion that you’re doing better than others or saying that they are trying to catch people out.

      Reply ↓
      1. Richard Hershberger*

        When I was in school there was floating around an “assignment” the teacher would give, with a numbered list of tasks. Number one was to read the entire assignment before beginning any of the other tasks. The last item on the list was to not do any of the stuff listed above, but rather to put your pencil down and turn in the sheet. Naturally most of the kids didn’t do that, and were busily working away to the delight of the few who did. This was intended as an object lesson, and perhaps was appropriate in the context. Maybe?

        Reply ↓
        1. Insert Clever Name Here*

          I remember doing that assignment in elementary school and it worked for me — but it’s definitely one of those things that isn’t going to emphasize the importance of reading before you begin for every kid.

          Reply ↓
        2. scandi*

          we did that exercise in chemistry class, before a lecture on the inportance of reading the enitre lab instructions before starting your experimentation so you don’t get tripped up by anything later in the instructions. this was right before we got to start doing labs that involved bunsen burners and other things like taht that can get dangerous if you’re not following lab instructions. i do think it served a purpose there, but it’s the kind of thing you can only do once.

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          1. Irish Teacher.*

            And it was done by a teacher whose role involves teaching kids life lessons. A company one is applying to teaching life lessons to adults they don’t even know or even worse the applicant trying to teach a life lesson to those he sends his application to is…a lot less appropriate. Never mind that those who actually didn’t read it and arguably might need the lesson will never need it, so it’s only a “lesson” for those who did it right. In school, it’s different, as the teacher will point out that people did it wrong if they don’t notice.

            Reply ↓
          2. Falling Diphthong*

            The number of recipes that start with “Preheat the oven to 425°F” and then have a step about letting things chill for four hours…

            Reply ↓
        3. Workerbee*

          Maybe?

          I’m a lifelong reader, so I probably would have read the entire assignment and been fine – but I can easily see how that would turn off kids who hadn’t yet embraced the joy of reading, by making it into an embarrassing “gotcha”!

          Reply ↓
          1. Dinwar*

            It can punish kids who enjoy reading. My son loves to read, to the point where he ran out of books, found an old encyclopedia, and started reading that. Problem is, when you’re reading 200-page books in third grade, you can’t get through enough before the assignment is due. In order to do the assignment he had to reduce his reading level.

            It’s one of many educational gambits that can help the lowest 15% of the class, and won’t hurt the 70% in the middle, but which actively punishes the top 15%. It’s why “gifted” should be treated as a Special Needs category, rather than simply ignored on the assumption that these kids will teach themselves (which is de facto how most of them get treated in classrooms thanks to things like No Child Left Behind).

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          2. Teapot Librarian*

            When I did it, I read all of the instructions, got to the end, and then thought “everyone else is doing the things on the list, so they must be right and I must be wrong.” I learned about peer pressure from that assignment, not about following instructions!

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        4. Rex Libris*

          I once had a 50 question multiple choice science test in high school where the teacher instructed us to be sure and read through everything before we start. There was a note after the last question informing you to answer the first five questions, and if correct, the same answer pattern would repeat throughout the test.

          I’m still not sure what I think about that one.

          Reply ↓
          1. Nack*

            That’s just bizarre. If I’m told to read all the instructions before I start, I would not take that to mean to read every single question before I start. I’d look for instructions such as “Circle the correct answer.” (Though I do realize you said the teacher said to read through “everything”…) I feel like in a classroom setting where you are also working on a limited amount of time, I’d be worried that reading the entire test, and then going back and working through it, would take too long and I’d run out of time. This doesn’t seem like it’s an effective way to teach… whatever the teacher is trying to teach.

            Reply ↓
            1. amoeba*

              Hah, yeah. Who does tests like that? I’d read the instructions and then go to question 1. Everything else would just stress me out and waste time…

              Reply ↓
        2. Falling Diphthong*

          My oldest is a high-strung perfectionist, and so I was soon crafting the response “First week of summer vacation you read the six books and we write them down. Then I’m putting the list away and you can read what you like and we won’t worry about it.”

          Reply ↓
          1. Falling Diphthong*

            Actual experiment: Researchers took a bunch of kids who liked to color with markers and put them into three groups: The first was told that if they colored with markers, they would be given stickers. The second wasn’t told beforehand, but got stickers as a reward for coloring with markers. The third group was let be.

            The first and second groups then colored with markers less–only the third group continued at the same level.

            As someone who loves to read, I hate the framing of reading as a dread chore no one would do if they weren’t being forced.

            Reply ↓
      3. Spencer Hastings*

        I basically agree with your first paragraph, but getting rewarded for something I wanted to do anyway is like getting free money — I’m not exactly going to turn it down!

        In fact, I think the two examples are kind of opposites. In the first case, they’re not trusting you to do something super basic (and ostentatiously so). In the second case, you’re being praised for doing something you think is super basic, but others may not. Kind of like when my grandboss refers to me as a pivot table expert because I…made a pivot table.

        Reply ↓
      4. Nancy*

        Huh? The read x books is just a fun thing for people to do to encourage reading. Plus, I liked getting free pizza as a kid and still like getting prizes as an adult.

        Reply ↓
        1. Dinwar*

          For the portion of the class with the lowest reading aptitude (or interest) it was horrible. It was this huge thing hanging over them that they had to push through (or, rather, their parents pushed them through).

          For the portion of the class with the highest reading aptitude (and/or interest) it was painful because it punished them for being really good. If you have to read 6 books in a month and you’re reading “The Fellowship of the Ring”, you won’t make it. You have to turn your attention away from those things that interest you, and focus on things that are boring but which can be completed rapidly enough to satisfy an arbitrary quota.

          The only people who actually liked the program, from my experience, were those who’s reading was pretty much exactly on par with what the teachers expected their reading to be. For everyone else it was extremely annoying. Especially when it went from “Do this to get a prize!” to “Do this as part of your grade in English class”.

          Reply ↓
          1. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

            I was reading well above grade level and loved the free pizza. It was easy for me to read enough books per month at my interest level because I basically did nothing but read.

            Which is to say, your experience is not universal!

            Reply ↓
          2. Nancy*

            Ours was summer reading (3 months) or school year (9 months), and it was not required for a grade. For those of us who hated all the sports/field days, it was nice to get a prize for something we enjoyed doing.

            Reply ↓
          3. Alpacas Are Not Dairy Animals*

            I was a fast, high-comprehension reader and I never had any problem finding short books that caught my interest for those programs. Length and complexity aren’t really linked; plenty of great works of literature are novellas, for instance.

            Reply ↓
      1. Nancy*

        That’s what it most likely is, since it’s not just job ads that have it. And the wording is usually the same, it’s just the actual word that changes.

        They aren’t trying to be quirky, they are trying to cut down on spammers.

        Reply ↓
    7. Stanley steamers*

      I’ve come across job ads like that before and I find them less straight up “insulting” and more “roll your eyes at how precious the hiring manager is being”—- and then decide if it’s even worth applying to this job because what other “cutesy tricks” are they going to come up with during the hiring process or after you get hired?

      Reply ↓
    8. Falling Diphthong*

      I find that “whimsical” is one of those words that gets my shoulders up around my ears in a work context, because the whimsical one is going to be very extra and require a lot of energy to deal with.

      Reply ↓
    9. LB33*

      I agree with you Zowayix. Unlike the employer, the candidate knows they don’t have the “power” in this situation so I wouldn’t take this as a serious test at all.

      If their resume/cover letter etc was good, the booyah wouldn’t make a difference either way

      Reply ↓
    10. Dinwar*

      If I were applying for a job in editing or as a journalist, I’d apply just to find out why they asked it. There’s a group of journalists that try to insert a certain phrase where they can. I think it was “purple hand of fate”, but can’t recall exactly; anyway, it was discovered and they had to switch to a different phrase. No one knows what it is. If I were in that line of work and saw “must include kumquat” I’d be very, very curious as to whether or not they were looking for new members.

      I also recall a story from the Depression where a company was advertising for a telegraph operator. There was a weird beeping background noise in the waiting room (packed, because it was the Depression). A guy realized the weird noise was Morse Code for “If you understand this walk through the door and you’ve got the job.” It worked in that case because it was a skills test, not a “Gotcha!” test–a telegraph operator was required to know Morse Code, and anyone who didn’t was by definition incompetent.

      For any other sort of application, this sort of “Gatcha!” crap is merely a power play. I’m fine with whimsy–in a field office I had for years, I had pictures of dragons and fairies and things drawn by my team, for example. But there is a time and place for it. In a job application what the employer is signaling is a lack of professionalism and a tendency to make absurd and pointless demands merely to establish that they are In Charge, which is a huge red flag.

      Reply ↓
    11. Another Kristin*

      IDK, I have actually seen this in the wild and it does feel insulting. Saw one once on a job description that was included “Write the square root of 81 on the bottom left-hand corner of your resume” and it made me a) irritated and b) not inclined to apply for that job!

      Job searching is hard enough without having companies try to “no green M&Ms” you to death.

      Reply ↓
    12. AnonInCanada*

      This gives me the same vibe of the story of a software company who rewarded cash to anyone who responded to a certain word or email address (can’t remember exactly, it was some time ago) buried somewhere within the EULA that no one ever reads. You know, the dialog box full of legalese you need to click “I Agree” to before you can install their software. It took over 7 years before someone finally made a claim for it.

      Reply ↓
    13. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Whimsy isn’t appropriate in the hiring process. It very much comes off as making light of the power dynamic, which makes the employer look like they enjoy making the workers do arbitrary things simply because they can.
      And THAT is why it feels insulting.

      Reply ↓
  4. H.Regalis*

    I watched Days as a kid too! Pre-kindergarten me at my great grandma’s apartment. Dark Shadows is another favorite; the SyFy channel showed reruns of that for a long time. Soaps are so much fun.

    Reply ↓
    1. jtr*

      Oh, man, yeah, my grandma and I watched Dark Shadows together! She called it Barnabas – jtr, it’s time for Barnabas!

      Ah, good memories.

      Reply ↓
      1. AnonyChick*

        Did your grandma call “Murder, She Wrote” Jessica Fletcher? Because my parents did! “Jessica Fletcher is on at eight tonight.”

        Reply ↓
        2. Happily Retired*

          I always wondered why anyone would invite Jessica Fletcher for a visit, knowing that at least one person would die!

          Reply ↓
            1. Another Kristin*

              I rewatched Jessica Fletcher during the pandemic and it’s still a lot of fun! I impulse-bought the DVD box set and do not regret it, still my go-to watch if I’m home sick or taking a mental health day

              Reply ↓
          2. H.Regalis*

            I have wondered this as well XD

            Also, given the massive number of guys asking her out, did her husband Frank really die of natural causes, or did one of her suitors bump him off?

            Reply ↓
          3. iglwif*

            I am pretty sure that the number of murders in Cabot Cove, ME, exceeded the total population of Cabot Cove, ME, by the end of that show’s run XD

            Reply ↓
        3. Lily Rowan*

          To bring threads back together, I just watched an episode of Jessica Fletcher that had Victor Newman from Y&R as a guest star!

          Reply ↓
    2. PhyllisB*

      When I was a teenager I used to spend a portion of the summer with an aunt who loved soaps and would insist that I watch her “stories” with her. I remember getting hooked on one of them. (I think it was Edge of Night but not sure.) When I got home I would continue to watch it until school started, then asked my mother to watch it and tell me what happened. She would for about a week then she’d revolt and say she couldn’t stand it anymore.

      Reply ↓
    3. Sunflower*

      Day’s in the 80’s was awesome with the supercouples. I stopped watching when they started breaking up and the stories went off the rails. I prefer the happy endings of my imagination LOL

      Reply ↓
    4. JMC*

      I never watched the show Dark Shadows but I did read the books as a kid I loved them. I’m in the process of collecting them now to re read and keep.

      Reply ↓
    5. iglwif*

      My entire residence house gathered every day at lunchtime to watch Days on our common-room TV when I was at university! I had never watched a soap opera in my LIFE before and I got hooked on it astoundingly quickly. Spouse and I still occasionally makes Days of Our Lives jokes to each other 30+ years later.

      Reply ↓
    7. epicdemiologist*

      Dark Shadows was my favorite in 4th grade. Doctor Julia Hoffman (DOCTOR???), a powerful, intelligent woman who was not beautiful, made a huge impression on me.

      Reply ↓
  5. Classically Ambigous English Prepositional Phrase*

    Yeah, I got a weird online dating “you’re not like the other girls on this site” vibe about it.

    Reply ↓
    1. I should really pick a name*

      It makes a lot more sense in a dating context.

      Women often need a way to filter the huge number of messages they get.

      I doubt that most job applicants have a problem with getting too many interview requests.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cora*

        I had something like “if you read the whole profile, tell me your favorite childhood X” on my dating profile and honestly it was well received. Maybe on a dating profile guys like to have an additional way of showing interest, and it was a conversation starter?

        Reply ↓
        1. Spacewoman Spiff*

          Having spent a lot of time on dating sites, I think something like that can take the pressure off of figuring out what the first message should be. I think I’ve seen versions of that that are so specific I can’t figure out what to write and give up, but as long as it’s a sort of open prompt like yours, it feels like a perfect solution to make it easier to start conversations with people who might be genuinely interested!

          Reply ↓
    2. OP5*

      That was an initial reaction of mine, too. Sorry, applicant, I am not going to “say potato” to prove I’m not a bot. Context is key.

      Reply ↓
  6. Classically Ambigous English Prepositional Phrase*

    That was supposed to be a reply to Daria grace, but I’m sure you can guess I’m talking about #5!

    Reply ↓
  7. Sandy*

    So the natural follow up to Letter 1 — is it reasonable and legal to fire an employee just because she is possessed by the devil? (I too watched Days of Our Lives)

    Reply ↓
    1. Jarissa*

      Mmm. Is possession covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act? Because it’s probably not a protected religious belief, but even if it were, we would need to consider the definition of “reasonable accommodations”.

      Reply ↓
      1. Banana and an apple*

        This x 100
        Reasonable: time off to perform an exorcism, not reasonable: coworkers have to spray holy water in the air every 16 minutes.

        Reply ↓
        1. Pastor Petty Labelle*

          tea — all over computer screen. Thank you so much.

          No seriously, thank you. We all need some laughs right now.

          Reply ↓
        2. Nonanon*

          Undue burden to employer: We’re a religious facility, c’mon, we can’t just keep an actual demon on premises, it’s upsetting all the widows at 6am services

          Reply ↓
          1. Eldritch Office Worker*

            “We can’t just unconsecrate the church grounds because they’re burning your skin, Susan. Fill out a work-from-home request form.”

            Reply ↓
      2. ecnaseener*

        Hmm, you’d have to figure out whether the devil was substantially limiting the employee’s major life activities. Haven’t seen Days of Our Lives but usually demonic possession in media would qualify — controlling the person’s movements or thoughts should count as substantially limiting them.

        Reply ↓
      3. Miette*

        But why isn’t it a protected religious belief? I mean if the employee still gets their work done and is more comfortable doing it whilst levitating and speaking in Latin, backwards, on occasion, then shouldn’t it be allowed? As long as it’s done in their office with the door closed?

        Reply ↓
        2. LaurCha*

          But what if a colleague is allergic to sulfur and brimstone? How do we accommodate both!? Heavens. I’m so glad I’m not in HR.

          Reply ↓
    2. nnn*

      In my capacity as a random internet stranger with zero expertise, I’m thinking that firing someone *just* because they’ve been possessed by the devil would be religious discrimination, but you could fire them on the basis of any behaviours that happened to result from them being possessed by the devil.

      Reply ↓
      1. AcademiaNut*

        Also, is the work being done while they’re possessed being done by the employee, or the devil? Outsourcing your work to a third party is grounds for firing in most jobs.

        Reply ↓
        2. Miette*

          I would cite the case of Niki vs. Victoria, your honor, and point out there is little to no difference between a possessing entity and an alternate personality. As long as the work is being done to standard, does it matter?

          Reply ↓
        2. peach cobbler*

          I would extremely enjoy reading a short story about someone being possessed by a dybbuk and the manager can’t get a hold of a rabbi who’s free until the next day, so the workplace handles it by firing the dybbuk and not the person it’s hanging out in and that actually works !

          Reply ↓
          1. Panicked*

            Hey Dybbuk, thanks for meeting with me today. What you’ve been saying through Martha’s mouth goes against our values as a company and unfortunately, we’re going to have to let you go. We understand this is difficult to hear, but our culture is one of respect. Martha will remain employed, however, so I’m going to need you to vacate her body and leave the premises. I’ll forward information to your email regarding Cobra coverage and unemployment.

            Reply ↓
      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        Irrelevant: Brimstone is really hard to get out of the carpet, and in a public-facing position can drive away customers.

        Reply ↓
        1. Snudence Prooter*

          Not irrelevant! Scent sensitivities can be a major problem for some people. I’d argue that this comes under the umbrella of personal hygiene. The devil’s natural smell might be brimstone, but a human’s natural smell is armpit and hair. If we are expected to from, so is he!

          Reply ↓
            1. Carol the happy*

              I thought the Fallen Third of the Host of Heaven worked for the IRS?

              Also, some of them are certainly in health insurance.

              Reply ↓
        2. Polaris*

          Look up Michigan.

          Because as much as we love it, there’s a Hell in Michigan. Its directly south of Paradise by about 5-6 hours, and believe it or not, I’m not joking!!!

          Reply ↓
          3. Nonanon*

            Do you know how many years I had listened to “For the Widows in Paradise, For the Childless in Ypsilanti” without knowing EITHER of those were places in Michigan, a place that Sufjan Stevens not only frequently references BUT NAMED THE ALBUM AFTER!?
            …yeah, it’s a great song, the fun fact didn’t make me like it any less, I just ASSUMED it was some sort of metaphor not an actual town

            Reply ↓
            1. anotherfan*

              yeah, my experience was similar to several people above who said it punished the better readers; my daughter went from someone who was always reading to someone who would only pick up a book if it came with a prize at the end. I eventually wrote a letter to the principal to get her — and her brother and sister — excused from the program going forward because we had been a family of readers until … my oldest wasn’t. Of course, this was also the school/teacher who refused to call on my daughter in class if her hand was up to “encourage other students to participate” which taught my daughter that participating in class was something she wasn’t permitted to do.

              Reply ↓
              1. anotherfan*

                sorry, nesting fail.

                although, since i used to work in Ypsilanti, and we would routinely write about all the weddings in Hell when it was a really cold winter, yay for a familiar reference!

                Reply ↓
      1. KateM*

        “Booyah” was supposed to be the reply by employer. So your answer should be along the lines of you accepting the offer.

        Reply ↓
  9. Pink Sprite*

    Re: # 5: Probably there are many places where people use such a “trick”, but it’s becoming increasingly popular to use in the rules of Facebook groups.
    Admins will insert a “secret” or nonsensical word somewhere in the post or joining questions and to ensure people read the rules carefully, one of the questions is to ask what the secret word is. Some people make it rather obvious and some make more tricky.

    Reply ↓
    1. WS*

      Oh, this takes me back to late 1990s webpages where you had to read all the disclaimers and click on a certain word to be allowed to read on!

      Reply ↓
      1. Nah*

        I remember codewords being required back as a kid playing on petsites in the early 2000’s. Maybe that’s why having one in a job description (as opposed to, say, “please put the job reference number in the subject line” or something else actually relevant) feels so childish to me….

        Reply ↓
        1. Zahra*

          The codewords (usually found in the player guidebook) were for people who bought (and later downloaded) pirated copies of the game. Since those did not always include a list of codewords or the guidebook, people without a legitimate copy of the game could not play it.

          Reply ↓
    2. Ariaflame*

      I know that there’s the story about the rock band and the brown M&Ms, but there it was deliberately done to tell if the people who were meant to do the extremely precise setup for the electrical equipment were reading all the instructions.
      So there it was a safety thing.

      Reply ↓
      1. Nonsense*

        Van Halen! Since they used a lot of pyrotechnics and heavy stage lighting but a lot of venues they played at (especially early days) were older buildings that weren’t designed for such big shows, they had a few “primadonna” requests scattered throughout their contracts to check that all their safety requirements were being followed. But of course the gossip mags would only hear/see them refusing to play because there brown M&Ms in the dressing room, not that there were serious concerns about the pyrotechnics nit setting the audience on fire.

        …I was born in the 90s, why do I know this?

        Reply ↓
        1. Seashell*

          Alex Van Halen recently released a memoir, and I read an interview or excerpt from an interview that mentioned this, so maybe you read the same one? I had previously heard of the “no brown M&Ms thing” in the 80’s, but thought they were just acting obnoxious.

          Reply ↓
          1. Your former password resetter*

            I heard this anecdote in multiple classes decades ago.
            Maybe it just got around and people think it makes for a good example?

            Reply ↓
      2. sb51*

        Avoiding bots online can also be a safety thing! As can avoiding real people who are going to refuse to read or follow the rules.

        Not in the immediate and obvious way that large electrical equipment is, obviously.

        Reply ↓
      3. Mentally Spicy*

        It’s a pretty common thing to see on band riders. Not because the band are picky divas but because they need to ensure that the documents have been thoroughly read and understood.

        Reply ↓
      4. DD*

        Worked in kitchen/concessions for a large arena during college. Spent time picking out brown M&Ms the backstage catering set-up for Van Halen. Spent time later eating the brown M&Ms.

        I always wondered if anyone ate the non-brown M&Ms backstage because although we wore gloves every one of those M&Ms in the bowl were touched at least once.

        Reply ↓
    3. Magpie*

      I admin a neighborhood FB group and we do this to weed out the bots that try to get into our group. You wouldn’t believe how many bots are out there trying to promote their bogus duct cleaning and car detailing businesses.

      Reply ↓
        1. ScruffyInternHerder*

          Can be done mobile-ly (i.e. they come to you) so it’s harder to pin down an actual “address of service”? That’s my guess.

          Reply ↓
    4. Fluffy Fish*

      I immediately pegged it as something that would be making the rounds on Facebook in some capacity. Its the “most people don’t” line that gives it away. You see it in sappy reposts like if you’re really my friend etc etc.

      Reply ↓
    5. Dust Bunny*

      Dude, one of the groups I admin has YOU WILL NOT BE APPROVED IF YOU DON’T ANSWER THE QUESTIONS in giant capital letters at the top and people still don’t answer the questions, and then they message me to ask why I didn’t approve them.

      Reply ↓
      2. AnonInCanada*

        This happened to me this morning! A customer wanted to see if they can pick up an order earlier than when we allow. I said “since shipping/receiving isn’t in yet, if he comes before x time, the driver will need to come to the FRONT door, not the back door, as no one will answer the back door before time x.” Guess which door the driver pulled up to? Then acted dumb: “No one told me I was supposed to go to the front door!”

        If I only had a clue-by-four to smack him over the head with. $*@)!%**!

        Reply ↓
    6. BethRA*

      Page admins/moderators have an interest in making sure they’re not admitting a bunch of bots, so those secret/nonsensical/weird questions to join serve a legitimate purpose. They’re not (usually) just trying to be clever for kicks.

      Reply ↓
  10. RLC*

    #5 brings to mind teachers who gave quizzes with first-page instructions to “read entire quiz before making any marks on your paper”; the last page of the quiz would inevitably state “write only your name on the first page, otherwise you have failed this quiz”. I would feel that the applicant was testing the hiring manager, certainly not a good impression to give.

    Reply ↓
    1. Bilateralrope*

      The fun thing about those quizzes is that, while they say to read all instructions, they don’t say anything about what order to follow them in. Well, apart from the order they are in on the page and often numbering on the instructions.

      Nothing to say that you are supposed to follow step 30 before completing steps 1-29. Just that, once you reach step 30, you have to ignore previous instructions.

      Reply ↓
        1. Bilateralrope*

          For a different reason. There, it is often an effective command.

          While those gotcha quizzes depend on making up unstated rules to catch people out.

          Reply ↓
          1. Seeking Second Childhood*

            The one we got in 6th grade had a line of instructions at the top that said “read entire page before doing anything.” And the last one said to ignore all other steps.

            (Unfortunately for our rules followers, steps 1-19 were a heck of a lot of fun.)

            Reply ↓
    2. Spacewoman Spiff*

      Haha, I had forgotten those tests and I HATE them. I’m still bitter over a science quiz I took in the sixth grade, where one of the answer options had a small typo in the name of a planet–one wrong letter, I think. I noticed the typo but it was still clearly the correct answer, and the teacher marked it wrong! It was a trick! She had wanted us to select “none of the above” because of the typo! Thirty years later and I still can’t get over it–what was she was trying to achieve?

      Reply ↓
      1. Observer*

        Thirty years later and I still can’t get over it–what was she was trying to achieve?

        I’d be willing to bet that she was either trying a misguided attempt to teach you to “pay attention to detail” (that’s the charitable view.) *Far* more likely, imo, is that she was trying to make sure that no one could get a perfect score.

        Reply ↓
    3. Zahra*

      The worst about these tests was that you had something like 45 minutes to answer the 30 questions, so you had to choose between “do not read everything first but answer the most questions” or “read and not have the time to do any question”. There was, at first glance, no way to win this.

      Reply ↓
  11. EJR*

    The ‘booyah’ 100% reminded me of Boomers on Facebook posting nonsense like, “No one will share this obviously fake clickbait sob story about a military veteran to SUPPORT OUR TROOPS.”

    Reply ↓
    1. Daria grace*

      Or the let’s see who my real friends are who read my posts by who posts their favourite memories of me in the comments (ignoring that Facebook is probably only showing your posts to 5-10% of your friends)

      Reply ↓
    2. General von Klinkerhoffen*

      Very well put. I’ve started to block on sight any suggested post along the lines of “I’m only a beginner at [craft] so I’m sure you’ll hate this” with an obviously AI-generated image of an impossibly difficult end product.

      Reply ↓
      1. bamcheeks*

        The one that consistently cracks me up is “most people won’t retweet this but this young boy made this beautiful portrait of his beloved grandparents!” and then it’s like, hmm, this young boy apparently cared a lot about making sure his grandma had amazing boobs.

        Reply ↓
        1. Irish Teacher.*

          I keep seeing “this grandmother wants to be rated for her beautiful crochet,” with various different elderly women and various crochet projects. Most of the women look more like drawings than real people but there are still loads of comments along the lines of “wow, she’s so talented” and “does she sell them?”

          Reply ↓
    4. Eldritch Office Worker*

      My Gen X mother posts these constantly and I’m considering petitioning Facebook to deactivate her account.

      Reply ↓
      2. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

        Honestly, I (Gen X) have seen the NO ONE WILL CLICK TO SUPPORT THE TROOPS junk from people of several ages but only one political viewpoint. It’s a helpful tool to remind me I can always unfollow!

        Reply ↓
    5. MsM*

      Oh my dear Aunt Fanny (whose name is not actually Fanny, but has never met one of these posts she didn’t feel the need to share), I hate those things. At least with chain letters, there’s some degree of self-interest to justify passing along the thing.

      Reply ↓
  12. Wine not Whine*

    “…I understand the impulse! I used to have it myself. To the point that I started a blog to try to help.”

    Nice. :D
    (Did I pass the test?)

    Reply ↓
  13. Martin Blackwood*

    #5 – I noticed there were other reasons you chose not to interview this guy. I suspect that its like ‘gumption’ strategies—strong candidates arent blaming automatic screening or managers skimming cover letters for why theyre not getting hired. Like gumption, it looks desperate for a response. Unlike gumption, “You did what most dont!” is pretty accusatory.

    Reply ↓
    1. Observer*

      That’s a really good point.

      Alison mentions this a lot as well. Even with stuff that’s not as bad, there are gimmicks that tend to show up with candidates that are not strong. This shows the kind of judgement that I would expect other stuff to show up as well.

      But I’ll be honest. I’m curious what else they pulled. ;)

      Reply ↓
    2. The Prettiest Curse*

      Yeah, for all this person knows, 50 HR people could have read all the way to the end, thought “nope!” and then thrown their application in the (virtual) bin.

      Reply ↓
    3. BethDH*

      It feels like negging to me. Like if I insult them in a way they’ll have to respond to me to refute, I’ll get the date|job.

      Reply ↓
  14. Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd*

    OP4 (consulting for old employer) – how does your current company feel about this? Many employers would take a dim view of someone continuing to consult for their old role, especially on a paid basis.

    Reply ↓
    1. Nosy*

      This is probably highly dependent on your industry and role. In my industry it’s extremely common. My boss has been at our company for 18 years, in her current role as VP for 6, and she still does consulting projects with her previous employer on a quarterly basis. It’s common knowledge and no one bats an eye.

      Reply ↓
  15. Bald & the Pettyful*

    #1 I used to watch Bold & the Beautiful and be dumbfounded by all the drama and never-ending dysfunction. I know the show is fictional, but I have a job not nearly as glamourous or demanding as Forrester Creations and still can’t figure out how the characters find time to plot, scheme, meddle and conspire! How did a tycoon like Bill Spencer run Spencer Publications and manage to interfere with peoples love lives??

    Reply ↓
    1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

      There’s a spinoff opportunity for most soaps in which the recurring support characters are hustling to cover the main characters.

      Like BokHee saying, “oh I guess I’ll monitor the patient all by myself so you two idiots can bicker about your love lives while his whole chest is open?!”

      Reply ↓
    2. LW #1*

      All while driving around terrible LA traffic to make unannounced stops at people’s houses and workplaces to ask them about their romantic intentions towards someone. Maybe being stopped in traffic gridlock together could be the new “elevator stopped suddenly” for creating intense romantic moments!

      Reply ↓
  16. mbs001*

    LW3 – you played a part in the initial altercation by cutting that person off on the road so you could certainly acknowledge your part in the incident. Even though your coworker responded way too aggressively, you were the one who caused the incident so aren’t totally blameless.

    Reply ↓
    1. Fidget Spinner*

      If they thought they were blameless they wouldn’t have included that in the question. Regardless it doesn’t change what they are asking for or what their steps should be moving forward. Just because they actually someone off doesn’t mean they need to be Facebook friends with their coworker…

      Reply ↓
      1. Bossy*

        While LW may have cut them off they didn’t force them to turn into a raging lunatic. We’ve all been cutoff – is that now the time to follow and threaten people? Unhinged people with nothing to do and nothing on their minds are a problem.
        Trying to blame anyone for someone else’s totally egregious behavior is a bit much, don’t you think?

        Reply ↓
        1. 2 Cents*

          I have both (accidentally) cut people off and been cut off, as I’m sure most commenters have. The OP said she offered an apology at the time of the cutting off. The other driver chose to respond with road rage. There is no further need to apologize. OP already did.

          Reply ↓
    2. Joron Twiner*

      There is a huge gap between cutting someone off in traffic, and following someone who cut you off to yell threats and obscenities at them to the point that they go to the police. That’s not an “oops sorry” level action.

      It also doesn’t change the advice for OP in any way? I wouldn’t be friendly with someone who yelled threats at me from their car, even if they said they were sorry and they had changed. Like OP, I’d be worried that any further mistakes on my part would set her off again.

      Reply ↓
      1. mbs001*

        Cutting people off in traffic isn’t a “mistake on my part”. It’s a dangerous intentional act of using your car to bully people into avoiding an accident. Pretty damn agressive.

        Reply ↓
        1. BethDH*

          It can totally be an accident! It’s not something to be proud of, but the only time I cut someone off was in a car that had slightly different blind spots than I was used to. I’m ashamed of it and OP isn’t faultless, but we definitely dont have reason to think it was bullying.

          Reply ↓
          1. hi*

            Even in your example, though it was an accident, you still cut someone off! Any road rage after would be an outsized reaction, obviously, but you’re still not blameless. If your actions had resulted in something happening, you couldn’t just go, “oops, these blind spots are different!”

            Reply ↓
            1. Jennifer Strange*

              BethDH isn’t saying they are blameless, they’re disputing msb001’s assertion that cutting someone off is an intentional act.

              Reply ↓
        2. Falling Diphthong*

          It’s very commonly an accident, resulting from not realizing a car was there, misjudging the speed, being distracted by something else, etc.

          Bullying people with your car is a good way to immediately get into an accident where you are found at fault, costing you money, time, and aggravation. Even if you are not at fault, it costs all those things.

          The people cutting you off in traffic are not thinking “Ha ha ha I’m a bully I’m bullying that little Honda!” They are thinking “I’m trying to compose a text message reply while drinking coffee and insulting the person in the green sedan three cars ahead for their bad driving, and.. dang! where did that Honda come from?”

          Reply ↓
          1. Spencer Hastings*

            Or “I need to get into such-and-such a lane to make my turn. Oh god, there are so many cars…OK, it looks like there’s some space if I go right now…crap, I hope that Honda didn’t have to slow down for me.”

            Reply ↓
        3. Spencer Hastings*

          Either I don’t know what “cutting someone off” means, or it’s something you absolutely can do by accident — e.g. by not seeing someone coming, or underestimating the time it would take you to do your maneuver before they get there. Which, yes, I can hear the shouts now of “skill issue!” — but that’s my point, that it’s not a moral issue.

          Reply ↓
        4. The Rafters*

          Cutting someone off is not necessarily a dangerous intentional act. The coworker/rager may have been in OPs blind spot, a deer jumped into the road & OP briefly panicked- there are any number of reasons OP cut her off, most of them not deliberate. I’ve done it myself and as soon as I realized my mistake, waved at them in an “oops” way. Most of the time, people understood my gesture and certainly didn’t automatically go into rage mode on me.

          Reply ↓
          1. hi*

            Except in this case the LW admits that it was likely intentional. Obviously road rage isn’t the answer, but this situation wasn’t an accident. It was also more than a year ago, why does LW feel like she’s in danger from someone who recognized their mistake and apologized? LW recognized her part in the issue, why can’t the coworker?

            Reply ↓
            1. Spencer Hastings*

              Are you getting that from “not my proudest moment, mea culpa”? That’s the closest thing I can see, but I wouldn’t take that as an admission that the LW did it on purpose. I could describe tripping and spilling a mug of coffee as “not my proudest moment” too.

              Reply ↓
        5. No Tribble At All*

          Tell me you don’t drive in a crowded area…. look, sometimes you have to cut people off. When 3 lanes go down to 1 lane because of construction, you’re not moving over unless you’re pretty aggressive. And sometimes you cut people off accidentally because they’re accelerating, because it’s a bad merge area, or because your mirrors aren’t great. It’s the equivalent of not holding the door for someone. Chill out.

          Reply ↓
        6. Massive Dynamic*

          It’s not usually a dangerous intentional act. Humans are human and we’re going to make human mistakes. This is the #1 reason why we learn to drive defensively when we learn to drive.

          I bet that one day, AI will be driving all of the cars for us but until then, remember Hanlon’s razor: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”

          Reply ↓
        7. Velawciraptor*

          Woah. This is an outsized reaction both to the letter and to the concept of cutting people off in traffic in general. It’s not helpful to the letter writer and it’s oddly aggressive for this comments section. It might be worth exploring why this letter is eliciting such a strong reaction from you.

          Reply ↓
    3. Colette*

      The OP recognized her part in cutting the coworker off. And the fact is that everyone who drives occasionally makes mistakes, none of which justify the kind of behaviour the coworker engaaged in.

      Reply ↓
      1. Paint N Drip*

        +1
        Plus cutting someone off isn’t necessarily an aggressive action, it can certainly be unintentional – following someone and screaming obscenities is NEVER unintentional, so we are dealing with separate degrees of ‘fault’ here

        Reply ↓
    4. Sneaky Squirrel*

      LW cut someone off on, even the best of us do that on accident. When I get cut off, I honk on the horn, maybe flip them off, and move on with my life. That LW had to go to the police to stop being harassed by the offended person means that person escalated well beyond a normal response. Someone like that can’t control their anger.

      Reply ↓
    5. Happy meal with extra happy*

      The only way this comment makes sense is if you’re saying that the initial act and the response are the same levels of wrongness, which is simply absurd. (If you’re not, I don’t get the point of the comment. Sometimes people do things they shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean they have to be okay with an exponentially worse, and more dangerous, response.)

      Reply ↓
      1. JB (not in Houston)*

        Agreed. The OP’s coworker’s response was a disproportionate reaction, and I think the coworker realized that by what she said when she apologized.

        Reply ↓
      2. Nah*

        Exactly. If the situation was, say, “I stepped on their foot, so they stalked me in order to scream and try to punch me in the face”, I don’t think they’d blame you for not wanting to be buddy-buddy with that person either!

        Reply ↓
    7. Jennifer Strange*

      so you could certainly acknowledge your part in the incident

      From the letter: “(not my proudest moment, mea culpa)”. They did, indeed, acknowledge it!

      Reply ↓
    8. RussianInTexas*

      Where I live, cutting off happens multiple times to everyone in every trip. Them the breaks of a city with a lot of traffic. It’s not a reason to follow someone and scream obscenities at them.

      Reply ↓
    9. Sunny*

      Huh? I don’t even understand this comment. These aren’t even remotely equivalent. If the coworker had honked and given OP the finger, yes, OP is equally to blame in the situation. If OP had nearly run over a child or something, then again, a stronger reaction from the coworker would be understandable.

      The coworker’s reaction was way disproportionate to OP’s mistake, and was violent and threatening. This is like someone threatening to beat you up because you forgot about a meeting. One is a normal human mistake and the other is a massive overreaction.

      There’s a reason we talk about ‘road rage’ as a specific issue – because it’s dangerous rage, completely out of proportion to normal driving issues.

      Reply ↓
  17. Zaphod Beeblebrox*

    LW1 – the phrase “she accidentally ended up in a compromising position with Finn in her lingerie” could be read a couple of ways :-)

    Reply ↓
    3. Falling Diphthong*

      Oddly a fashion company seemed like one of the rare contexts in which roaming around in lingerie wouldn’t get a second look. Until you go and tackle the person you were supposed to leave alone.

      Reply ↓
  18. Rosacolleti*

    #1 is Steffi the same character as Stephanie from the 80’s and is Hope the same Hope from DOOLS who used to be married to Beau? Great question!

    #2 pay her!! That’s an insane amount of work to expect from a volunteer!

    Reply ↓
    1. Enn Pee*

      Steffy is the granddaughter of Stephanie (daughter of Ridge and Taylor) and the Hope/Steffy storyline is (in some ways) sort of a reversal of their mothers: Hope is the relatively goody-goody (well, except for the last year or two) like Taylor, and Steffy is the bad girl like Brooke, Hope’s mother.
      AND – for the record – Hope is NOT the lead designer; she has to employ someone to do that…she’s more ‘inspiration.’

      Signed,
      Someone who watches a show about “an international fashion house that seems to only have three rooms in its office space” and ALSO does not seem to understand that locks were invented thousands of years ago

      Reply ↓
      1. Coffee*

        I still wonder how Brooke went from “competent assistant in hospital laboratory” to “revolutionary inventor for treating fabric” to “competent head of fashion house with her own lingerie brand”

        Reply ↓
      2. LW #1*

        You’re right Enn Pee, I got that wrong! Thomas was the lead designer and now Zende? But I have never understood what Hope’s role is at Forrester other than the inspiration as you said.

        Reply ↓
    2. Sloanicota*

      #2 I was like – hmm, that plan seems too complicated and depend too much on a bunch of unpaid labor by a single volunteer. Anytime I’m using volunteer labor, you need a team of *at least* 2 on everything, do everything you can to keep each individual workload as small as possible, and to try and keep it simple/plan around potential failures, because by definition you may have to assume you’re not someone’s priority. Next time create a more network approach to this conference.

      Reply ↓
    3. BethDH*

      My sense is that the OP for #2 is also unpaid. I’m in a similar org. But we deal with that by always having teams of at least 2, and part of onboarding is setting expectations that if one of them disappears, the other tells the executive team (also volunteers) who find additional help. When it’s all volunteers you have to make this kind of attrition a lot more of your planning.

      Reply ↓
      1. Paint N Drip*

        I also got the vibe everyone involved was a volunteer. If you want a big cool event, paid OR volunteer, sometimes it’s a ton of work! I like the ‘buddy’ concept you’ve outlined

        Reply ↓
  19. LB33*

    I guess it depends on the position, but I think it’s weird to test for “following directions” in the applicataions. I’m an adult, my submitted materials are either good enough to proceed or not.

    As someone who also does hiring, I’d be upset if I found out our HR team was rejecting candidates because they didn’t put a certain word in the subject line or whatever

    Reply ↓
    1. Great Frogs of Literature*

      Ability to follow complex directions IS an important skill in many positions, and one that’s difficult to assess in an interview, unless you have a well-designed interview exercise (which may be more work than many candidates want to do). I’ve had coworkers who caused serious problems because they couldn’t accurately follow procedures.

      That said, with the job market the way it is, many candidates (arguably correctly) aren’t putting in the same level of effort for job application #347 that they would in an actual job, so stuff like this isn’t always a great assessment, either. But it’s what a lot of hiring managers have to work with.

      Reply ↓
      1. Nah*

        Then they can make it a detail actually relevant to the job posting (“please put the job reference number in your subject line” or “submit your resume with the file name format ‘jobtitle_applicantlastname'”) instead of some childish extra hoop. Then you’re testing not only attention to detail, but following the processes for emails/files/etc you will actually use in the job itself.

        Reply ↓
  20. Percysowner*

    I never had a gotcha question on an application form. I retired before online application forms were popular and my not have even been a thing. We did have 1 gotcha question on the skills test for student assistant. The first instruction was to sign the rest of the test. The job itself required attention to detail* and the people who read and followed that particular instruction showed that they would at least pay attention when told to do something. But that had a purpose related to the job, not as a gotcha.

    *It was a library where reshelving books was a large part of the job. If the book isn’t where it is supposed to be, or at least really close, it’s pretty much as if it doesn’t exist. The rest of the test did involve things like putting a list call numbers in order, checking alphabetization and other examples of skills to be used in the job.

    Reply ↓
    1. Abigail*

      Wow interesting perspective!

      I’m 40 and never filled out a paper application in my entire life. It’s like a landline, I had one as a kid but it has never applied to me as an adult.

      Reply ↓
    2. an infinite number of monkeys*

      Oh, man, I STILL vividly and angrily remember a “gotcha” homework assignment of that type from second grade (I’m in my fifties now). It was from math class. My mom helped me with it and was surprised at how difficult a lot of the problems were; it took us a long time.

      It was laid out with the first instruction at the top of the page saying “Be sure to read ALL instructions before you begin,” but the instruction that said “Just sign your name and don’t do any of the problems” was on the reverse side of the page, after all the problems.

      I came away with a sense that the world is bitterly unfair, and I don’t think my mom ever helped me with my homework again…

      Reply ↓
      1. Silver Robin*

        Interesting, I had the same kind of assignment and I came away laughing at myself for not paying close enough attention to the directions/thinking I was smart enough to just dive in and answer all the questions. I could see the “gotcha” aspect of it and normally find that a bit juvenile, but student me was able to understand that this was a lesson with a point, not just for the teacher to feel superior or whatever. I think I was a older than 2nd grade, though, so maybe there is an age-appropriateness factor there.

        Reply ↓
  21. Princess Peach*

    #2 – I used to be in a leadership role in a similar style of professional association, and our treasurer disappeared! They were still doing their main job, but completely stopped responding to anything related to the money duties.

    That’s when we learned our association was way too dependent on single points of failure. After spending months getting access to our bank account again, my contribution as the association president was rewriting our bylaws to make sure there were backups in place if something like that ever happened again.

    When it’s all volunteer-based, there’s no practical way of enforcing anything or ensuring people do what they’ve said they will. Those organizations run on goodwill and good faith. I’ve learned you have to assume that at least some of the volunteers just can’t or won’t come through.

    Reply ↓
  22. Stanley steamers*

    Anyone feel like the phrase “sexy times” is overly twee for some reason? Especially in a letter about a made up scenario at a soap opera?
    Also, it is a soap opera TV show. By their very nature, they’re over the top and melodramatic (…and fictional).

    Reply ↓
    1. Jackalope*

      My thought on it (I actually prefer that phrase) is that it’s useful because it’s more flexible than just “having sex”, or phrases like that. It refers to all sorts of activity, which can be needed so you can discuss things that are in the same realm but not as specific.

      Reply ↓
      1. Emily of New Moon*

        When I was in college in the late 1990’s, we used the term “hooking up” to mean the same thing. “Hooking up” could mean anything from French kissing to intercourse or anything in between. It was deliberately vague so you wouldn’t have to include details.

        Reply ↓
        1. Phony Genius*

          Where I went to school, it could even mean making contact through a phone call, allowing for the most mundane possibilities.

          Reply ↓
          1. Elsewise*

            My mom is of a generation where “hook up” and “meet up” are interchangeable. She used to ask me whenever I came home from college if I was planning to “hook up with some of your girlfriends while you’re in town”. She did manage to break that habit when I came out as gay, though, and actual girlfriends (and the hooking up with) became a concern.

            Reply ↓
      1. Nobby Nobbs*

        I’d classify it as “deliberately silly,” which of course risks coming across as twee to some people but has its place as a tone indicator.

        Reply ↓
    3. LW #1*

      I mean, I guess I could have said “make love” but I really didn’t want to.

      Yes, soaps are very over the top! I just thought it was a fun question since the drama is currently centered on whether Steffy was right to fire her stepsister, and well it’s more fun to think about this than other things in the world…

      Reply ↓
  23. Marieke*

    I used to watch the Bold and the Beautiful sometimes because my Oma loved it. She died in 2001, never met my kids who are now 22 and 19 and somehow it is so deeply comforting this show still runs and is still the same. Thank you for this question it made me feel loved in a way.

    Reply ↓
    1. LW #1*

      Aww, what a lovely memory! I used to watch B&B as a kid with my next door neighbors who were older and cooler. You and your Oma will be happy to know Brooke and Eric are still on the show with the original actors! (Ridge and Taylor are still there too, but have different actors playing them).

      Reply ↓
  24. Safely Retired*

    I have to wonder, did the author of #3 apologize for cutting off the other driver? On the scale of things it was a small thing, vastly smaller than what followed, but it still seems appropriate to me.

    Reply ↓
    1. Silver Robin*

      Obviously the letter does not say, but I am finding the question of whether I would do so interesting. Yes, LW did do a bad thing, but often when the punishment/reaction is so wildly out of the scope of reasonable, people stop actually feeling bad for the transgression that kicked it off. Apologies require some level of “this is a fellow human, who is just as vulnerable as me, and I hurt them”. When you are scared of that person, it is hard to see them as equally vulnerable.

      Also, not clear that Coworker even wants an apology; so maybe LW does not need to give one. To me it sounds like Coworker is having a hard time bringing LW into the neutral zone because of how they originally met. It started intense and now that intensity has to turn into something, except it does not. Which just continues to make LW uncomfortable…which, in turn, makes LW apologizing harder, even if they wanted to.

      Reply ↓
    2. Sloanicota*

      Also at least where I live, with the traffic we deal with, there’s literally no way to change lanes other than to annoy someone. You can’t get over, and nobody’s going to let you get over, in fact they will usually speed up to block you, especially if they intuit that you’re trying to get over because you plan to turn, which will slow them down even more …

      Reply ↓
      1. Katara's side braids*

        Yup. Where I live, this leads to people camping out in the left lane if they’ll need to make a left turn a couple miles ahead, because they know no one will let them in if they wait until they’re reasonably close. Which in turn leads to lots of frustration and resentment, making people even less likely to let others in, etc.

        I do my best to try to break the cycle, but once I let one person in I inevitably get 3 more trying to squeeze in as well because it’s so rare for someone to actually make space. Ugh.

        Reply ↓
        1. Sloanicota*

          Heh yeah and then the left lane has a bus or a bike or a delivery truck but nobody can get in the right lane to get around and then someone is trying to make a turn from the right lane so nobody behind them can move there either and now we’re ALL! JUST! HONKING! And cutting each other off. And cursing.

          Reply ↓
  25. I should really pick a name*

    #5
    If they’re a good candidate, I’ll invite them to interview, but I’m not writing “Booyah” in any email. If they come in to interview, I’m going to ask them why they thought it was a good idea to include it.

    Reply ↓
  26. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

    3. You have every right to be afraid of her! Her behaviour was very disproportionate to your action. That’s a lot of anger to have.

    Block her on anything outside of work (Facebook, twitter, your personal phone number if she somehow gets access to that) and in work respond to her overly chummy attitude with blithe disinterest.

    Reply ↓
  27. A Simple Narwhal*

    #1 Man I love questions from movies or books or tv! If Alison ever did a special about advice she’d give fictional characters I’d be all over that.

    Or if Alison is (understandably) too busy helping real people, maybe it could just be a fun discussion in the open thread? Would anyone else be interested in that?

    Reply ↓
  28. Peanut Hamper*

    #5

    I don’t necessarily have to read all the way to the end to discover that they are worth interviewing, though. If I’m hiring for a position that requires a fair degree of technical accuracy and you have three spelling mistakes in your first paragraph, I don’t really need to read any further.

    This postscript is very unprofessional and makes it seem as if the candidate does not understand professional norms at all. I would have passed just based on this unless they were astoundingly stellar in some other way.

    Reply ↓
    1. Sneaky Squirrel*

      This right here. I would argue if someone has screened the resume, moved on to the cover letter and read all the way to the end, they’re either looking for something specific or they’re indecisive about this candidate’s qualifications.

      Reply ↓
  29. Falling Diphthong*

    I put this applicant in the no pile for not only this reason.
    I think this gets to the heart of it–it’s a gimmick. Pulling this stuff is the mark of someone who at best hits the maybe pile on the merits, but the no pile once the gimmick pops up.

    Sending that “Dear Sir, Booyah. This unprofessional coda to your application led us to reject it out of hand” email may feel good while you’re typing, but you’re just agreeing to argue about it. It’s just a mark that, if hired, this employee would spend their time crafting little tests for their managers.

    Reply ↓
    1. LB33*

      I hear you, but honestly with the way the job market is in some areas these days I’d cut candidates some slack about things like this. I figure they’re just trying to get creative or stand out in some way. If their resume was fine otherwise, this wouldn’t be a deal breaker

      Reply ↓
      1. Eldritch Office Worker*

        I agree. Every time I see one of these my hand twitches towards the delete button, but then I remember all the TERRIBLE job hunting advice I’ve seen, especially on places like TikTok where the content is pushed to young professionals and they may or may not have the experience and context to know what is good advice and what is trash. It doesn’t make it less annoying, but it helps me direct the annoyance towards the right people. And then if I end up hiring them we have a looooooong talk.

        Reply ↓
      2. Observer*

        If their resume was fine otherwise, this wouldn’t be a deal breaker

        The thing is that it’s generally the weakest candidates that use gimmicks to stand out. And some gimmicks are worse than others. This one is definitely on the “worse” side.

        Reply ↓
        1. LB33*

          I’m sure you’re right but in that case it wouldn’t matter anyway since they wouldn’t make it through based on the resume

          Reply ↓
  30. Buffalo*

    #5 is just drastically misunderstanding the power dynamics of hiring. You don’t give an employer instructions on how to respond to you. It makes me wonder what other professional norms they don’t get.

    Reply ↓
    1. Silver Robin*

      Nah, they can understand it just fine. It sounds like exasperation and frustration with that very dynamic. Not usefully expressed, sure, but not necessarily indicating ignorance either.

      Reply ↓
      1. Buffalo*

        Yeah, that’s a reasonable read. I guess where I’m picking up ignorance/naivete is more in the notion that they think this might work. Also, big entitlement.

        Reply ↓
      2. Falling Diphthong*

        I mean, if I’m hiring, “Smelvin will target the people in the office because they’re accessible, to punish them for the crimes of distant people who don’t care about Smelvin’s rage” is a reason to toss that application in the “no” pile.

        Smelvin had a human emotional reaction to something frustrating: Yup, that’s normal.
        Smelvin then took this action as a result: Nope, Smelvin, that was a bad idea.

        Reply ↓
        1. Czhorat*

          Yes, and if the applicant who does this hits other obstacles they’ll be more likely to try a “clever” but antagonistic solution rather than show patience.

          It’s not a great sign, even if it is understandable.

          Reply ↓
        2. Silver Robin*

          Not sure if you are pushing back against what I said or just adding on top of what I said, because I am pretty sure we agree here. I did say it was not a useful way to express that emotion. Nor did I say that it was wrong for Smelvin’s (hehe) application to get rejected.

          Reply ↓
    2. ecnaseener*

      I see it less as a misunderstanding of power dynamics and more as a misunderstanding of the hiring process. (To be fair, those two things maybe can’t be fully separated.) You can and should assess the company and the hiring manager to figure out whether you even want to work for them, but the initial application isn’t the time. You’re not getting any useful information about them by checking whether they read every word of your cover letter.

      Even if you think they should read every word from every candidate, all you can “prove” at this stage is that one recruiter isn’t up to your standards. Who cares? That’s not useful information. (Especially since this candidate was explicitly addressing recruiters, not hiring managers like LW!)

      Which is not to say you should sneak little tests into an interview with the hiring manager either, and I guess that’s where power dynamics are more clearly in play, you don’t get to set tests as a candidate.

      Reply ↓
      1. Czhorat*

        There shouldn’t be little tests in either direction. The way it works for well-run job searches:

        Candidates send resumes/application. They’re screened for matches with the overall requirements.

        Candidates that fit the requirements are called for interviews. Interviews are a two-way discussion in which each side feels out the other to see if they’re a fit.

        Org extends offers to the top candidate. The candidate accepts if they think they want to work there.

        It shouldn’t be games, tests, or gimmicks. The organization needs to flesh out the candidates’ work history, experience, and work style. The candidate gets details on the job and culture of the hiring firm. I HATE it when people make games of these.

        Reply ↓
        1. ecnaseener*

          I didn’t mean the employer should use sneaky tests either, but I do think up-front skills tests are fair game.

          Reply ↓
          1. Czhorat*

            Oh yes, that’s different.

            Test as in: “prove you can type 120WPM/configure a Cisco router/unjam a printer” is one thing.

            Test as in “Bury your resume in a cigar box with one dollar coin, a safety pin, and a bottlecap from your favorite imported beer” is wasting everyone’s effort.

            Reply ↓
  31. LB33*

    On #3, I think you should follow the advice and just keep being polite and friendly as you have been. Though I will mention that Rocky and Apollo started off as bitter enemies, but their relationship evolved to the point that before Apollo’s death they were extremely close.

    Reply ↓
    1. juliebulie*

      Weirdly, several times I have become friends with people with whom I’ve started off on the wrong foot. Maybe something about the intensity of the initial meeting triggers a feeling of intimacy (not sexy intimacy, lol), sort of like the ice has been broken in a spectacular way.

      Reply ↓
  32. DE*

    I don’t see how the last one even beats automation in the way it claims to. You can totally just program a script to include whatever bullshit phrase in an follow up emails.

    Reply ↓
  33. Tradd*

    Letter 4 – as a customs broker, I often get approached online by people I barely know for advice on importing X, Y, or Z. Often the ideas are wildly illegal or extremely complicated. There are 1-2 people I’ve known online for ages. They import occasionally for their businesses. What we’ve worked out over the years is that they will Apple Cash me $100 each time they ask for advice, and I give it. We joke they cover my morning coffee for the month. Their questions are simple and sometimes we talk things out over the phone, but it’s not an imposition.

    Reply ↓
  34. Phony Genius*

    On #1, can you imagine a world where you couldn’t legally fire an employee in this situation, as the other characters in the show suggest? It’s hard to believe that they would think that anywhere other than in fiction, for convenience of plot.

    On the other side of the spectrum, I saw a TV show several years ago where a character was fired from their job, which they did well, just because the boss grew tired of them. Nobody pushed back, as this is perfectly legal. Kind of a boring way to write a character out of a show, actually.

    Reply ↓
    1. ecnaseener*

      I’m curious where that line gets drawn in non-at-will states, actually – I’m sure having sex on company premises is sufficient grounds for firing, but idk about the “hitting on boss’s spouse” piece on its own.

      Reply ↓
  35. Jaded Millenial*

    I put a “Booyah” at the end of my dating profile years and years ago. It was a great success for getting a few clever responses and removing my conditioned guilt response for not replying to every message.

    Reply ↓
  36. Sneaky Squirrel*

    #5 – It seems at best that the applicant is going to drive away employers who don’t want to respond to gimmicks. And if I’m a genuine employer reaching out to you to move you forward to an interview, are you going to treat my request for an interview differently because I didn’t write “Booyah” in my response? I would suspect that most applicants wouldn’t or else they would start self-selecting themselves out of jobs, making the whole thing pointless.

    Reply ↓
  37. SpeechTeach*

    Hmm, but what if Steffy was Stephano? Bom-bom-bommmmmmm!
    Seriously though, sometimes the office is a soap opera. Be safe (not sexy) out there!

    Reply ↓
    1. Mermaid of the Lunacy*

      That just took me back to college! I never understood his obsession with Marlene. She was ok I guess…. LOL

      Reply ↓
  38. Nancy*

    LW5: a lot of those ‘write this word your reply’ is to cut down on spammers. You’ll see them in apartment ads and used item ads as well.

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    1. Delta Delta*

      That was my first thought, as well. That way the employer can efficiently sort through submissions and find the good candidates in a possible sea of bot/spam submissions.

      Reply ↓
  39. Dinwar*

    #1: I think MOST TV workplaces would result in immediate termination, loss of licenses, and quite probably jail time for most of the characters. It’s what makes them fun to watch–Jake from Brooklyn 99 can act out in ways we fantasize about acting out without fear of punishment, for example–but it would make working there a nightmare. Imagine working in an office where as soon as the office manager was gone people began racing through the office, destroying property, shooting off fire extinguishers, and the like.

    I love the scene in “How I Met Your Mother” when Robin was dating a psychologist, and the psychologist just had enough, and exploded, pointing out all the insanity and infuriating aspects of the gang. Makes for good TV, but for a normal person it was horrible!

    Reply ↓
    1. Nola*

      There’s a scene in Friends where all the friends are sitting at the coffee shop talking about how their bosses don’t like them and speculating that it may just be universal.

      Then Joey, the unemployed actor, replies “Or it could be because y’all are hanging out here at 2:00 on a Thursday.”

      They all stop, look at each other, and leave to go to work.

      Don’t look for job norms on TV.

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    2. ferrina*

      YouTube commenter Legal Eagle (an actual lawyer) has a breakdown of different legal shows, and it is very cathartic to watch. I think my favorite was his reaction to How To Get Away With Murder, where even he was stunned with the number of things that would get the lawyer disbarred.

      Reply ↓
  40. Angstrom*

    But…but…what if Finn really is the long-lost uncle’s evil twin, who tried to kidnap Steffy’s child? What if Hope was trying to seduce Carter into blackmailing Finn to reveal all and stop his nefarious plan to defraud the company and leave Hope penniless? The firing might be just a ruse…. ;-)

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  42. WestSideStory*

    #4 – I was hoping for more advice from the commentariat because this happens to me all the time – twice in the last week in fact. It irks me because folks do know I have a side business for paid consulting in my niche. I do plan to use Alison’s phrasing but wondering if anyone else who professionally consults has reliable but friendly scripts?

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  43. YetAnotherAnalyst*

    Would they, could they, for a fling?
    Would they, could they, for this thing?

    They could, they would for that thing!
    They would, they would for a fling!
    You could be fired for your pass.
    Or overwhelm! Bad culture fit!
    Or overstepped! Or all of it!
    You can be fired for that punch.
    You can be fired on your lunch.
    You can be fired you for words,
    Or fired for your fear of birds!
    (Unless it’s under ADA
    or EEOC has a say)
    Or over almost any ill
    You can be fired; you’re at-will!

    Reply ↓
    1. YetAnotherAnalyst*

      (Between today’s soap opera question and yesterday’s viral video assault question, I’ve got an Ask A Manager version of Green Eggs and Ham stuck in my head…)

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  44. HonorBox*

    OP3 – While I can understand the worry, I think the fact that she apologized says a lot. You don’t need to be best friends with her by any means, but I do think she means well and probably won’t react poorly to you having some boundaries between your work and personal lives. I think being friendly is good, but that doesn’t mean you need to get drinks, add people on social media, invite one another to dinner parties, etc.

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  45. Tegan Keenan*

    OP#2: Are you absolutely certain that you and the volunteer were working to the same “deadline”? She posted the podcasts the morning of the conference. Maybe not ideal, but she met a hard deadline.

    You said: “About a month before the conference, we still had no work product from her, despite this starting three months prior. She emailed a week or so later, saying she had never imagined her work would be this busy this year, but she would make the deadline.” That sounds to me like she told you she would get it done and (at least in the details you’ve shared in your letter) you did not dispute the “deadline.”

    Was it crystal clear to her that your expectation–and, therefore, YOUR deadline–was that the subcommittee receive the work product a month before the conference? In your letter you aren’t saying “but she had already missed the deadline,” so I’m really wondering if there were differing (and unstated) expectations of what the deadline was. Was she involved in the plan to have table co-hosts discuss the podcasts? Was it explicit to her that, in order for the table co-hosts to be prepared, the podcasts needed to be completed and uploaded by X date?

    I have a very deadline-driven job and if someone (and it sounds like several people from your subcommittee) started hounding me WEEKS before the date I understood to be my deadline, I would absolutely ignore your messages. Or, if I were feeling especially salty, I might respond with, “back off” or “wth is your problem?”

    I agree that frequent check-ins are important, especially to ensure everyone is working to the same expectations and same deadlines.

    Reply ↓
  46. hypoglycemic rage*

    can we have a call for various plot lines of tv shows to be talked about on this site? i know alison has answered questions about gilmore girls in the past, and although i don’t watch the show in q1, i loved reading it.

    Reply ↓
    2. Hlao-roo*

      There was a pop-culture post in the past and another would be fun! The old post is “work questions from Friends, Gilmore Girls, Jane Austen, and more” from March 24, 2017.

      Other past questions about fictional workplaces are:

      Question #2 from “should a video game character be fired, thwarting public record laws, and more” from March 26, 2015

      “important questions: how could a vampire keep his true nature hidden at work?” from July 15, 2016

      Question #5 from “employee is taking free snacks, Parks and Rec vs. The Office, and more” from August 5, 2021

      Question #4 from “my boss reads my emails, TV’s best bosses, and more” from September 2, 2021

      Reply ↓

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