coworker keeps snarking on the way I fold paper, “non-religious” holiday attire, and more by Alison Green on November 26, 2024 It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker keeps snarking on the way I fold paper I work in a public library. One of my duties is to fold paper, such as brochures, newsletters, pamphlets, etc. My coworker whose responsibility it is to create, edit, and print those documents will hand me a large stack and then be overwhelmed by the urge to criticize my technique. I use a small plastic tool (shaped like the old tongue depressors, like a large popsicle stick) to smooth the edge of the paper to create a sharp fold. I have tried to explain to her multiple times that using my finger creates microabrasions, hurts my skin, and eventually leads to callouses. But she will say, “You NEED that?” when I go get the tool and, “Well, I think using your finger is fine” and when I explain why it isn’t, she gives a big exaggerated head tilt, squint, and an incredulous “REALLY?” as if I’ve told her porcupine meat is delicious. She cannot fathom that I don’t want to use my finger, so she gives a soap opera level head shake of disbelief like you would to someone wearing a bikini in Walmart. I’m baffled as to why she cares how I get the job done and I am tired of receiving the stink eye over something so inane. How do I shut down her sneered lip and snark? I just want to fold paper without bruising my fingertips! You can try saying, “You know, I’ve explained why but you comment every time. Do you have a concern about this that you haven’t articulated? And if not, can we put the topic to rest?” If that doesn’t work, then all you can really do is say in a pointedly exhausted and/or bored tone, “Yep, this is what I prefer to use.” Put that on repeat and she’ll hopefully give up in time. If not, feel free to say at some point, “Good lord, we’ve covered this over and over. It’s weird that you can’t let it go.” No one would blame you if you sharpened that tool into a pointy weapon. 2. “Non-religious” holiday attire I just got an invitation to an office holiday celebration that says, “There will also be prizes for those who wear holiday attire (nothing religious or offensive).” Am I right to feel that (1) winter holiday attire that isn’t religious is a borderline oxymoron, and (2) it’s hypocritical to say that on an invitation that includes a Christmas tree and talks about playing a gift-giving game? Yes. It’s the old “as long as it’s not overt religious imagery like a nativity scene, it’s secular!” game that some people like to play. The things they’re envisioning as “not religious” likely include Santa, Christmas trees, and other markers of Christmas — which, as elements of a Christian holiday, don’t qualify as “not religious” to many of us. It assumes a cultural identification with Christmas that erases many people of other faiths (or of no faith). It’s a problem. A much longer discussion of this is here. (Also, since this always comes up: the right question is not “Can I find people who celebrate Christmas who consider these things secular?” but rather, “Are there large numbers of people who do feel erased when symbols of Christmas are treated as secular?” The answer to that is yes.) 3. Why don’t companies believe you’ll do what you say until you actually do it? Earlier this year, I changed jobs within my organization. I work 32 hours a week and this new job was only for 24 hours a week, so it was decided I would still do my old job for eight hours a week. I wasn’t thrilled with this, because the reason I wanted to change jobs was because of an ongoing conflict with my (old) manager. If I hadn’t been able to change jobs within the same company, I would left as soon as I found a new job elsewhere. My new manager is aware of this situation. She promised me she would look into getting the higher-ups approval for increasing the hours of the new job to 32. I told her that if it didn’t look like this was going to happen anytime soon, I would rather change my contract to 24 hours and look into some freelancing to supplement my income. After doing the new job for six months, I had my evaluation and in that I was told that higher-ups did not approve of changing my new job to 32 hours and wouldn’t for at least another six months. Upon hearing this, I told my boss I wanted to go to 24 hours, because I no longer wanted to deal with my old manager anymore. She asked if I was sure and I told her I was. The next day, my manager called me to tell me that she had been back to the big boss to talk to him once more and now he had agreed to change the new job to 32 hours. I’m happy, of course. But why did I pretty much need to threaten to leave to make this happen? They knew I wasn’t happy, they knew I would stop working for my old manager one way or another. Why didn’t they take that seriously enough? I hope you can give me some insight in why companies operate in this way, because I really believe this isn’t a unique situation. A few reasons: first, sometimes employers assume that when push comes to shove, you won’t really follow through on the thing you’re saying you’ll do (because it’ll be harder than you think to leave or find freelancing work, or at least will take a while and things might change meanwhile, or because you can’t possibly really mean it). A lot of threats to do X feel vague/amorphous until the situation becomes “I am now doing X,” at which point they have to take it seriously. I’m not saying this is reasonable — it’s not — just that it’s common. Second, companies have limited time/energy/attention and sometimes other things are just higher priorities to deal with (legitimately or otherwise), until the issue becomes more pressing because you are making a change right now. Third, it’s possible that your boss didn’t tell her own higher-ups that you said you would decrease your hours if they couldn’t get you 32 in the new job. She might have thought it wasn’t necessary to include that, or that her boss would bristle at hearing it, or that it introduced a risk of them cutting your hours to less than 32, or who knows what — but she might have just called it wrong, even while thinking she was acting in your best interests. 4. Do employers have to provide cups for water? I work in a large office job. We have water dispensers that employees can get water from, but a few years ago they eliminated paper cups as a means of “going green” and instead gave every employee a reusable metal water bottle. Over the years (especially during Covid when nobody was in the office for two years), some of the bottles have been misplaced, and some executive coordinators were pressured to give them to their officers who couldn’t be bothered to pick them up because they were too busy. The end result is that some employees have to either pay for plastic water bottles (hardly environmentally friendly) or buy their own reusable one. New employees are given reusable bottles upon onboarding, but existing ones can’t get a new one unless they pay for it. Is this allowed? To be clear, we are working in a climate-controlled environment, not a outdoor job site, and on the rare occasion the A/C fails, we are allowed to work from home, but we are in the office for at least eight hours a day and need to drink water at some point. The OSHA regulation on this isn’t 100% clear on whether you can be required to provide your own drinking vessel (which is functionally what’s happening for people who lose their original bottles). Employers have to provide water, but beyond that it’s hazier. OSHA does say, “The employer shall dispense drinking water from a fountain, a covered container with single-use drinking cups stored in a sanitary receptacle, or single-use bottles.” I suspect your situation would be covered by “drinking water from a fountain” (meaning they’re not violating the law by not providing cups), but you’d need to check with OSHA to be sure. 5. Will I get in trouble for not disclosing a disability in my job application? I’m deep into my job search and, pretty consistently, I have to check a box regarding my disability status before submitting an application. The text usually reads, “No, I do not have a disability and I have not had one in the past.” I have an “invisible disability,” so the truthful answer would be to say “yes,” but I keep reading horror stories about discrimination against people who disclose their status to employers. I previously thought that the purpose of this question was to inform diverse hiring practices, but I’m not sure anymore. Could I get in trouble for not disclosing my disability status prior to hiring? I have to work from home due to my need for accommodations, so I could hide my condition pretty well. I just don’t know what I’ll do when I have a flare-up that affects how I show up to work. I don’t like lying, but I need a job—now. If you are in the U.S., you are not legally obligated to disclose a disability to an employer before they hire you (or afterwards, for that matter, if you’re not asking for accommodations) and you can’t be required to or be penalized for not doing it. They’re most likely asking because companies with more than 100 employees or with government contracts over a certain dollar amount are required by law to report the demographic makeup of their applicants and employees to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (in aggregate, not individually). However, answering is voluntary, you can’t be penalized for not answering, and if you do answer the employer can’t allow your answer to negatively affect your application. In fact, the law requires that the information be stored separately from your application. You may also like:I don't want to fist-bump my coworker multiple times a daymy boss wants to bring me back into the religious foldmy coworker apologizes All The Time -- how can I get him to stop? { 61 comments }
Ask a Manager* Post authorNovember 26, 2024 at 12:01 am Rules of engagement for #2: We’re not going to debate (for the umpteenth year!) whether or not you personally consider some trappings of Christmas to be secular. If you object to that rule, please pass up commenting on this post. Thank you. (Meanwhile, you can read more here if you’re interested.) Reply ↓
The Minotaur* November 26, 2024 at 12:12 am #1– Bone folders (often made of plastic or bamboo these days) are an old and common tool. I’m surprised that someone who works in a library would be baffled by one. I would stop giving this coworker an explanation and either ignore them or tell them that I refuse to have this conversation anymore. Reply ↓
Seal* November 26, 2024 at 12:59 am As a longtime librarian, that was my first thought as well. I’d be tempted to respond with that to their unenlightened coworker: “You’ve worked in a library for x number of years and you don’t know what a bone folder is? Wow.” Sounding as shocked as possible, of course. Reply ↓
Emmy Noether* November 26, 2024 at 1:03 am I discovered bone folders late and I think a lot of people don’t know about them. Which is a shame, because they’re a cheap, small, indestructible, and extremely useful tool. They also have uses in sewing as well as pretty much all paper crafts (and I’m sure other crafts too). I think it’s great that LW is prepared and has the right tool for the job instead of unnecessarily hurting her hands. It also makes sharper, more professional looking folds, so there’s that. Would that colleague also make fun of that other LW for using a cup or bottle to drink water instead of just cupping their hands? Reply ↓
Observer* November 26, 2024 at 1:08 am I’m surprised that someone who works in a library would be baffled by one. I didn’t know they had a name. But, I share your surprise to some extent. It is SOOO odd to me, that I wonder if she really is “surprised” or she’s pulling a power play on the LW. Reply ↓
Myrin* November 26, 2024 at 1:38 am It’s definitely some sort of power play, even if to just convey “lol I think you’re a weirdo”. There’s no way she’s been actually baffled by this after like the first two times she saw OP and OP even gave an explanation! Reply ↓
allathian* November 26, 2024 at 1:39 am Yeah, the coworker’s obnoxious. I’d respond with dripping sarcasm, I’m done taking the high road with people like this. You get to question my methods once, and once only. After that I’m done treating unprofessional questioning of how I prefer to do things in a professional manner. Reply ↓
Ellis Bell* November 26, 2024 at 1:52 am +1, on just stopping with the explanations. As Captain Awkward says, reasons are for reasonable people. If I’m picturing the patronising body language OP is describing correctly, all I would be willing to respond with is either “mmm” or a withering stare. Reply ↓
Keymaster of Gozer (She/Her)* November 26, 2024 at 2:04 am I (briefly) worked for Royal Mail. I’d have been delighted to have such a tool! This is actually the first time I’ve heard of them. Personally I’d go with a single raised eyebrow and a ‘btw this conversation is really boring’ but I’m in a bad mood today. Reply ↓
JJ* November 26, 2024 at 12:13 am #1 – Is the tool a bone folder? (Or a non-bone plastic equivalent?) I think my go-to reply to “you actually need that??” might be a bored “yup, I’m using a tool for what it is literally designed for.” Reply ↓
Cyndi* November 26, 2024 at 12:14 am That tool is called a bone folder and it actually does objectively make a sharper, more precise crease than using your finger, calluses and bruises aside! They’re a really common tool for people who work with books and/or paper, and LW1’s coworker is being so weird about this for no reason. Reply ↓
Myrin* November 26, 2024 at 1:05 am Right? I’m an archivist and have one at work and even though I don’t use it that often it’s very practical (not to mention satisfying) and in some cases the literal best tool I could use for things even beyond folding. It’s also incredibly old (not mine, I bought it, but the tool itself) so honestly, in addition to being annoying as all hell for no reason whatsoever, the coworker in question sounds pretty uneducated on paper-work which is not something I expect from someone working at a library! Reply ↓
Caramel & Cheddar* November 26, 2024 at 12:17 am 1) LW, using a tool also results in a much crisper edge, which, if you’re like me, makes this kind of task more satisfying. It’s annoying that your coworker is being incredibly obnoxious about it, but in addition to the suggestions given above, think about the small joy your colleague is missing out on by insisting that using a tool is ridiculous. If you ever want to treat yourself, get yourself a bone folder (if that’s not what you’re already using). I love mine so much! Reply ↓
Cheesesteak in Paradise* November 26, 2024 at 12:19 am Re: water I don’t think it’s unreasonable to provide your own drinking vessel for water. Just like you might provide your own ceramic mug for coffee. A reusable water bottle could be purchased basically anywhere for the cost of a couple disposable water bottles. Reply ↓
Long time reader* November 26, 2024 at 12:25 am I’ve lived in both the southern United States and the West Coast in the past decade and reusable water bottles have become a giveaway of choice. I’ve acquired so many!! I wonder if the LW doesn’t live somewhere where this is the case. Reply ↓
Nodramalama* November 26, 2024 at 12:34 am Yeah maybe it’s because I work in government and we have to bring in everything ourselves including forks, but I don’t think it’s crazy to expect people to bring in their own water bottles or cups or whatever Reply ↓
Skippy* November 26, 2024 at 1:04 am LW2 should include the address of their office here so that I can ship them all my brand-new, clean, never-used water bottles received as swag. Bonus: they will be easy to identify and less likely to get misadopted. Reply ↓
But what to call me?* November 26, 2024 at 1:50 am Yes, the idea that a company might provide a reusable water bottle instead of expecting employees to bring their own was a new one to me. I’m very happy just to have an actual water bottle filling station (or whatever those upright things are called) instead of being expected to fill my water bottle from the drinking fountain with bits of other people’s spit for seasoning! I’ll happily provide my own preferred kind of water bottle if they’ll just give me a reasonably clean place to fill it. Reply ↓
Daria grace* November 26, 2024 at 12:24 am 1. Some people are weird about these things. I once had a customer send pretty intense hate mail about how that we stapled her cheque to the bottom of the letter was proof we disrespected her (it was actually because stapling it at the top jammed our letter folding machine). Sometimes you’ve just gotta pretend you’re in a sitcom and the person you’re dealing with is an especially weirdly written character Reply ↓
allathian* November 26, 2024 at 1:41 am Indeed. That said, customers are one thing, sometimes you have to deal with weird stuff from them, it’s a cost of doing business. Coworkers who keep asking the same question over and over are something else. Reply ↓
Rocky* November 26, 2024 at 12:27 am “No one would blame you if you sharpened that tool into a pointy weapon.” And this is why I read AAM. :-) Reply ↓
Chocolate Teapot* November 26, 2024 at 2:04 am But you could still do some damage with a blunt instrument. I think I have seen Chris the bookbinder use this tool on The Repair Shop as it also means you don’t touch the paper. Reply ↓
Nodramalama* November 26, 2024 at 12:28 am Yeah LW2 I assume they mean like, wear green and red and not, a baby jesus necklace. But you are correct that unless you live somewhere like Japan, it is all inherently Christian. Reply ↓
wanda* November 26, 2024 at 12:53 am If I read “wear holiday attire (nothing religious or offensive)” on an invite to an office party, I would think that the writer was asking people to wear winter-themed clothing, like with snowflakes, gingerbread people, and penguins wearing scarves, and explicitly asking them NOT to wear Santa or Christmas trees. Then again, if there’s a Christmas tree on the invitation, that’s already significantly more religious than any workplace I’ve ever been in. Reply ↓
yvve* November 26, 2024 at 12:28 am Related to the coworker questioning the paper folding tool, that I recently applied the general advice from here to a coworker who was commenting on how easily I got cold every time I used my coat/handwarmers in the office. I realized I had never actually said anything about it! I tried very gently “You know, you say that every time, it’s not going to change!”, and… she completely stopped. I wasted a lot of time feeling weird about it instead of just gently mentioning that she was over-commenting. So I want to confirm that its often an issue of “have not actually communicated that this topic is annoying”, even when it seems like it should be really obvious that its excessive. (Possibly she may think its a “funny teasing” kind of thing?) Reply ↓
allathian* November 26, 2024 at 1:50 am Yes, this. People aren’t mind readers and some people are better than others at understanding non-verbal communication. Sometimes asking explicitly if the person realizes they ask the same question/say the same thing over and over is what it takes to shut it down. If that doesn’t help, a firm but polite request to stop is the next step, and if that doesn’t make the annoying questions stop, something like “You know what, I’m getting really sick of you questioning my work methods pretty much every time we meet, I’m done talking to you about this.” Reply ↓
Zelda* November 26, 2024 at 12:28 am The obvious answer for #2 is sparkle. Black sweater with sequins. Silver Lurex. Metallic gold necktie. So festive, yet non-specific. Reply ↓
Nodramalama* November 26, 2024 at 12:35 am Yeah, maybe the way to think about it is, what would you wear for an end of year New Years party and head that direction. Reply ↓
Educator* November 26, 2024 at 12:46 am No doubt that particular invite is hypocritical, but there are definitely secular winter holidays that people can dress up to celebrate! New Year’s throughout much of the world, Thanksgiving in the US, Kwanza if culturally applicable. My favorite example–I once attended a Black Friday party where everyone wore the newest item in their closet. Very fun, no religion required. The writer’s employer needs to swap out the tree for a snowman and skip the gifts, but there are festive ways to celebrate the end of the year without anything religious. Plenty of organizations do. Dressing up like the Time Square ball is an excellent strategy. Sparkle! Reply ↓
Double A* November 26, 2024 at 1:03 am Oh, but Thanksgiving is a genocidal colonialist holiday and Western New Years erases Lunar New Year. It’s all problematic, don’t you know? Personally I wish we could all celebrate all the holidays. Coming together at various solar and lunar occasions is a human universal across all cultures; feasting together and giving gifts are other human cultural universals. It would be nice if we could celebrate all celebrations of togetherness and generosity. We need more of it. Reply ↓
Nodramalama* November 26, 2024 at 1:10 am I don’t really think “Western” new year erases Lunar New year any more than “normal” Easter erases Greek Easter. They’re different holidays celebrated at different times. Reply ↓
Nodramalama* November 26, 2024 at 1:17 am Edit: in fact my analogy is not right because Greek easter and Easter are functionally the same holiday. But most (all?) countries that celebrate Lunar New Year also have public holidays on Jan 1, so it’s certainly not erasing it. Reply ↓
Samantha Parkington* November 26, 2024 at 2:26 am I mean, I simply don’t want to celebrate religious holidays outside my own faith and I’m sort of not supposed to anyway, and people from outside the faith aren’t supposed to either. This “come on, be a good sport and go along with it” stuff is so weird. It really feels like a conversion tactic. Do people get extra afterlife points if they convince me to eat a Christmas cookie? Reply ↓
sarah* November 26, 2024 at 12:56 am I don’t think anyone disputes that, the issue is the messaging on the invite. Reply ↓
sarah* November 26, 2024 at 12:57 am To expand: yes, we know what they meant. It’s still one more example of the way people do this. Reply ↓
Small mind* November 26, 2024 at 12:35 am like, just bring a reusable water bottle to work or drink out of a coffee mug. am i missing something? Reply ↓
Dahlia* November 26, 2024 at 12:39 am This is literally why bone folders were invented. Like. What is her problem??? Reply ↓
Winter* November 26, 2024 at 12:40 am #4 the company has provided drinking vessels. If employees have lost them it seems totally reasonable that they should buy a new one. I don’t see why this is even a question. Reply ↓
Emmy Noether* November 26, 2024 at 1:41 am I think paradoxically, providing a bottle once can create the expectation that the employer is responsible for providing it forever (like they would be for actual work implements, such as pens, that get lost). I don’t think they should, to be clear. It’s entirely resonable to bring your own water receptacle. Reply ↓
NoWater* November 26, 2024 at 12:42 am I’ve actually worked at a company that didn’t supply drinking water to employees, although it did have a single sink with non-drinkable water. It was a venture funded start up and our office was literally a glass walled conference room inside the funding company’s office. It had a small pull out fridge (one step up from a cube fridge) next to the sink. We eventually got a microwave after multiple complaints. Apparently it was legal because the larger office had all the things, but we weren’t allowed to use them. Reply ↓
Cassandra* November 26, 2024 at 12:49 am Yeah, I had no idea this was a rule! I worked in a small warehouse (there were like 5 employees total at any given time) with zero potable water anywhere. But that’s probably the least wrong thing they did there, haha Reply ↓
Higher-ed Jessica* November 26, 2024 at 12:47 am For LW4, does it depend on the nature of the water-providing contraption? the OSHA language Alison quoted said “dispense drinking water from a fountain,” but the LW said “water dispensers.” I’m not sure what that means, but if it’s the typical office kind with the big 5-gallon jug on top, or any other kind of thing that dispenses the water downward, with the expectation that it’s going into a cup or bottle or some kind of receptacle, that seems very different from the traditional water fountain/drinking fountain/bubbler that shoots the water upward so you can bend over and put your mouth right to the water. I would think that providing a water dispenser with no drinking vessels might only count if it’s the kind you can drink from directly without needing a drinking vessel. Reply ↓
Mutually supportive* November 26, 2024 at 1:52 am That would make loads of sense – hence the clear requirement for cups to be provided when using a “covered container” Reply ↓
anon24* November 26, 2024 at 2:04 am Yeah, it seems to me that per the wording cups need to be provided since the water is coming from a dispenser and not a fountain you would drink right out of. Would it really be that big of a deal to just put a few reusable cups by the water dispenser and ask all employees to use their water bottles unless they don’t have it for some reason and keep the cups as backup for those who don’t have one? Reply ↓
AcademiaNut* November 26, 2024 at 2:10 am That’s what I was thinking. The requirement sounds like it’s structured so that an employer has to provide water *that the employee can drink*. If someone has forgotten their personal drinking container, or had it stolen, or had to give it to someone else, then there isn’t actually water they can drink, hence the requirement for a fountain, a dispenser with provided cups, or individual bottled water. Reply ↓
DisclosingDisability* November 26, 2024 at 12:52 am OP5, I used to hide a mention of my disability in a non-obvious place on my resume back when I had space for it because I was so afraid of the brush back from not disclosing. All that it did was create a few awkward (likely illegal) moments with those folks who noticed and then asked illegal questions about it. It didn’t happen often but it did happen and I never got one of those jobs. You could say I dodged a bullet, except often these were folks who were peripheral to the job or otherwise unlikely to have too much influence over my day to day job. I eventually took it off and go out of my way not to disclose unless absolutely necessary. Reply ↓
eisa* November 26, 2024 at 12:55 am #1 “No one would blame you if you sharpened that tool into a pointy weapon.” lol +++++ Reply ↓
Sparrow* November 26, 2024 at 12:58 am LW #1, the following two points are both assuming that the tool you described is the plastic version of a bone folder (if it’s something totally different, ignore this): 1) This is a really weird thing for your coworker to get hung up on, since bone folders (whether actual bone or plastic) are an extremely normal part of bookbinding/zine making/anything else that includes folding paper, and they are very widely regarded as the best way to get a polished, professional fold that’s just not attainable with fingers alone. 2) Is it possible that your coworker is familiar with this type of tool and believes your version is made of bone, and her snark is coming from a place of viewing tools made out of bone as unethical? That might explain her weird fixation on it, though I think this would still be really weird of her (I personally vastly prefer the ones made of bone for a lot of reasons, but even outside of preference or what individual people think of using tools made from animal parts, I think this falls pretty squarely into “she’s being rude” the same it would be if, say, a vegetarian was being rude at a coworker for eating a turkey sandwich.) It is also entirely possible that that’s not what’s going on at all—I have certainly had coworkers who just cannot seem to fathom the idea that anyone would ever do anything even slightly differently than the exact way they like to do it—but as someone who works regularly with both bone folders and other materials made of bone, I’ve also certainly experienced people getting weird around those, so I wanted to flag this as a possibility. Reply ↓
Anonychick* November 26, 2024 at 12:58 am I am absolutely not certain of this, so please don’t take my word for it, but I have the feeling that the phrase “drinking water from a fountain” in this context refers to water from a machine that dispenses drinkable water in such a way that no vessel is needed for sanitary drinking; a machine designed so that one can drink the water directly from the machine without their mouth touching anything but the stream of water. In other words, a water fountain/drinking fountain/water bubbler/etc. (In NYC, we call it a water fountain, but it’s one of those terms that’s highly regional.) So I don’t think a water dispenser that requires the use of cups would qualify, unless the job site also provided single-use cups of some type (paper/plastic/etc), in which case it would qualify as the second type (“a covered container”). Reply ↓
Myrin* November 26, 2024 at 1:46 am Yeah, I suspect the use of “fountain” specifically actually carries its exact meaning in the OSHA ruling; it doesn’t say “faucet” or “tap” or “spigot” or whatever else contraption where water falls straight down, and that seems intentional in this case. Reply ↓
Definitely not me* November 26, 2024 at 1:21 am LW #1 – My dad and several uncles were all printers so I spent a lot of time in the family print shop as a kid, 50+ years ago. My parents called them “folding bones” (actually made of bone) but bone folder seems to be the more common name today. I spent many, many, many hours using them to help out in the shop over the years. They were an absolute necessity when folding heavier stock, like covers for the annual county fair programs. We did it all by hand. My mom, who ran the bindery department in the shop, wouldn’t dream of folding any weight of paper with her bare fingers-! Tell your weird coworker that your grandfather was a printer (a white lie never hurt anyone) and this is how it’s always been done in “the business.” And that she could do a quick Google search if she doesn’t believe you. Reply ↓
Dry Cleaninfn* November 26, 2024 at 1:41 am re. folding paper: If it is, indeed, made from bone, run your finger along the edge and say, while gazing off into the distance, “You know, someone else used to ask me this all the time, too…” Serious answer: repeatedly handling paper like this does wear the skin on your hands, like you say (and with some materials you can wear off your fingerprints!) Your coworker is being ridiculous and needs to find a new hobby. If this is part of a larger pattern with them, document it and consider raising it with a supervisor. Reply ↓
Dry Cleaning Enthusiast* November 26, 2024 at 1:45 am Bleh comment posted by thumbs. Especially if it’s a larger pattern of her paying close attention to your work and hassling you while you are trying to do something – I would not be surprised if she was neglecting her own duties. Reply ↓
Sleeve McQueen* November 26, 2024 at 1:58 am LW 3 – to avoid situations like yours, I make sure I drill down for more details. eg if someone says “I want to get off the Llama account and onto the teapot account” I usually explain that I will see what I can do and ask if it is a “this needs to happen immediately” vs “this is something we are working towards” and then if its the latter, check in to see if that has changed. Reply ↓
Mahmoud* November 26, 2024 at 2:12 am It’s called Christmas. Not winter holiday. Christmas. It’s not a swear word. Reply ↓
Very anonymous for this* November 26, 2024 at 2:13 am Although I can’t reply to Mahmoud, I agree! Although it would also be an option to find a route that works for many – a lot of northern hemisphere cultures have some form of celebration of rebirth or lights around the solstice. It would take effort, but we could focus the tendency to have a winter break around that, and have Christianity simply one of many that benefited I also wish people would remember that the Yule tree is not simply Christian: culturally that is now its loudest resonance, but please have some sensitivity to those of us who see one of our symbols repurposed and constantly called Christian. We’ve had to see it reused, we’ve lost other festivals to the Christians and commercial (hello Hallowe’en) please don’t erase us entirely. Reply ↓
Adam* November 26, 2024 at 2:20 am For #3, I think the timing is important here. If you had told your new manager that you would want to switch to 24 hours a week six months ago, but hadn’t brought it up in the meantime, it’s not unreasonable that either she forgot or she assumed you’d figured out some way to be okay with the situation. Six months is a long time. (Obviously, if you had brought up your unhappiness with still having to work with your old manager during that time, this doesn’t apply.) Reply ↓
OP didn't want 24h* November 26, 2024 at 2:34 am I read it differently. OP could work 32h, but the new job did offer only 24h, so OP was stuck for 8h in the old job they wanted to get away from. As it is also a budget thing, I would not have assumed to get approval for new job to be increased to 32h very soon. It would have made sense to have one or two check-ins how the decision is going, but I can understand that OP chose to wait. Reply ↓
Bravo!* November 26, 2024 at 2:24 am #3: I asked myself this question, this is such an annoying thing. But good for you for making your position clear and being able to change the situation! Reply ↓
Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow* November 26, 2024 at 2:25 am #2 is a big reason why I definitely prefer “holiday/winter” parties in January . In December that is of course a Christmas party, even without any tree, presents, decorations, carols etc. It’s like your CEO putting on a false moustache and claiming noone recognises them like that – they’re not fooling anyone. Reply ↓