my boss called me a “rando,” security camera is pointed at my desk, and more

by Alison Green on November 27, 2024

aIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss called me a “rando”

I’d been working at my company for a couple months, consistently contributing and even receiving recognition from other departments. So, I assumed I had a solid reputation. During a team meeting, my boss was discussing a recent project which I had a significant part in. I was feeling proud until they said something to the effect of, “Thank goodness this was a success, we’ve been hiring so many randos lately so there’s not much quality control.”

I am the newest member of the team.

The room went silent except for a couple of awkward laughs. I just sat there, stunned. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry, laugh, or teleport to another dimension.

Later, I approached my boss privately to ask about the comment. Their response? “Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it! I call everyone that.”

I’ve never heard them call anyone else a rando. Not even that actual random consultant who wandered into our office looking for the restroom.

Honestly, I’m still mad. Like, should I start wearing a name tag that says, “Rando”? Or add “Professional Rando” to my LinkedIn? What would you do in a situation like this? Am I overreacting? And, seriously, how do bosses not realize how much weight their words carry?

It’s that last part: many managers truly don’t realize how much weight their words carry. They think they can make offhand comments that people will just laugh off, without realizing that being a manager means their words will always feel weighty to someone.

That said, I’d let it go for now unless you see your boss devaluing you in other ways. If you do, that’s the bigger issue than this one remark anyway.

But once you’ve been there longer and have a more established rapport, at that point you could consider mentioning how much that stung and made you feel like you weren’t a part of the team.

2. My manager is trying to hold me back

I’ve been in my job for two years and I’m not sure what to do about my manager who appears to be holding me back career-wise.

I’ve had a handful of speaking opportunities through my job and, every time I do one, my boss is very against letting me and only lets me do so as a last resort. Each time I have done this, I consistently am told I did an amazing job, that was excellent, I should do more presentations, etc. by members of the audience. So I obviously I know my material and can answer questions about it.

My boss wants me to stick to ordering lunches for reoccurring meetings we have and told me he didn’t want me to apply for a more technical role on our team because he wants someone with more technical skills, but wouldn’t explain what those are. I have an MS in the environmental sciences. Now half our team quit and I’m getting the feeling he wants me to be an admin assistant rather than the scientist I am.

Should I stay in my job and ride things out? If I leave, what do I do about him taking it personally?

No! Get out. You’ve been there two years and your boss is actively trying to hold you back. Get out, get out, get out.

You don’t need to do anything about him taking your departure personally, if indeed he does. Changing jobs is a normal part of doing business! If you’re really worried about it, you can always say that you weren’t actively looking and the new job fell in your lap and was too good to pass up … but you don’t need to do that, and in fact it would be fine to say that you’re moving to a job that focuses more on your technical skills.

Related:
my boss is mad that I’m quitting
how exactly do you quit a job?

3. A security camera is pointed at my desk

My company recently installed security cameras in our office. We have two separate suites on the same floor of our building, and we prop the doors open so it’s easier for us to get in and out (we’re not customer-facing, so anyone who enters/exits would be an employee or someone like an HVAC technician). The cameras are pointed at the doors to make sure that strangers aren’t wandering in when they aren’t supposed to.

I just noticed today that the camera pointed at my suite’s door is also pointed at my desk and would most likely capture me when I’m seated, as well as whatever’s on my screen (the suite door is past my desk). Is there a non-weird or non-suspicious way for me to ask for the camera to be moved? Is it even something that I can ask about? I’m not concerned about my employers seeing me doing something inappropriate at the office, but I’m pretty uncomfortable with the idea of being watched. I don’t know, sometimes I just want to read a book during my lunch break without wondering if my employer thinks I’m committing time theft.

What’s the culture of your office like? Assuming you have a manager who’s at least semi-reasonable and not someone who manages as if the entire job is catching people trying to scam the company, it should be fine to say, “I noticed the camera by the door covers me and my entire desk, not just the door. As far as I know, one else is being filmed like that, and I’m uncomfortable being recorded all day. Is it possible to adjust the angle so it’s not the daily Jane movie?”

4. How much should I tell employees when they complain about a coworker?

How much do I disclose to other employees about what corrective actions have been done to address a problem with another employee?

I supervise a team of entry-level employees. For most of them, this is their first professional position and so they are still learning some of the professional norms and need a lot of coaching. I try to follow the “praise in public, address problems in private” rule when managing. However, I’m not sure how to best to handle situations where another employee brings a problem to my attention. How do I assure them that an issue has been addressed, or that we are working with the “problem” employee to fix the issue, without violating the privacy of the person who is receiving coaching or corrective actions?

Sometimes the issue brought to me can be a quick fix, but other times, it’s something that will take time to work on and seeing improvement may be more gradual. If an issue continues, I do escalate corrective actions, including firing employees, but, again, I don’t want to disclose to others if a person is on the verge of being fired. So, how do I balance these two priorities — keeping disciplinary actions private while also reassuring my other employees that a problem is being addressed? Or am I approaching this all wrong?

You can indicate that you appreciate the feedback and are taking it seriously, without disclosing exactly what’s happening behind the scenes. For example:
* “I appreciate you telling me this and I will follow up on it.”
* “I appreciate you talking to me about this and I agree it’s a problem. Give me some time to work on this.”
* “I can’t promise you’ll see a change instantly, but it’s on my radar and it’s something I’m working on.”

As long as your staff sees that problems don’t fester forever and do get addressed, they’re likely to give you some room to handle things behind the scenes when you respond in this way.

Related:
how much should I tell a team whose boss is on a performance plan?

5. Time off when subpoenaed as a witness

I work for a mid-size company in a state where employers are required to allow employees time off for jury duty, without any loss of pay. Recently, I was served a subpoena to appear as a witness for the prosecution in a criminal trial; the case is related to former neighbors of ours in our condominium complex who had a domestic violence problem. It appears we ended up on the prosecutor’s list of potential witnesses because we called the police a few times after overhearing altercations in their apartment.

i don’t mind testifying at all, and would be willing to do it even if it weren’t mandatory, but it is. My company has informed me that I’ll need to use my PTO to cover the days that I will be absent from work because of this. Understanding that they are likely under no legal obligation to cover my missed time for me, does this make sense as a policy? I’m not likely to be gone for more than a couple days, so the amount of money at stake is negligible. I also can’t see that they would be setting any kind of bad precedent by paying me for the missed time…this isn’t something that’s likely to ever come again with other employees. If it makes any difference, I am a salaried employee in a white-collar position.

It’s not an uncommon policy, even for employers that provide paid jury leave, but you’re right that it’s not logical or consistent with their jury duty policy, since testifying as a subpoenaed witness is a civic duty in the same way that jury service is.

There are a number of states that require time off to testify as a witness, some of which (but not all) require that the leave be paid. Here’s a chart that describes the laws in each state.

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{ 45 comments }

{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. RLC*

    #4: I once supervised an employee whose behavior ran the gamut from merely odd to downright disruptive. My response to their colleagues reporting the behavior was typically some variation of “thank you for letting me know”; “I appreciate the information”; “thank you for sharing your observations”; followed with “I will follow up with employee to address (concerns)”
    If the colleague later inquired or mentioned it again, I would only share that “I have followed up with (employee), please tell me if you have more concerns”
    Confidentiality (for the employee and for the colleagues) was paramount in my responses, even if I had to be a bit vague at times.

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    1. Educator*

      The other piece I would add to this is empathy and impact mitigation. If Jane comes to me because Sam is not giving her the data she needs for a report, I stay vague about Sam’s ongoing performance issues, but I also tell her that I appreciate her diligence and desire to meet her deadline and, critically, I find a way to get her the data she needs, whether that means coaching Sam as he pulls it, pulling it myself, or asking Jane to work with a different team member.

      I have been in situations where my work has suffered because of a struggling coworker, and it is very frustrating. I think my team members are much more patient and trusting when I am dealing with a performance issue if they see me actively supporting them too.

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  2. KateM*

    #2: I feel like this would be a case where one would want the manager to take it personally. “Why, yes, I am leaving because you don’t take my skills seriously – why would you even ask?”

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    1. Polly Hedron*

      But OP2 wouldn’t want to burn that bridge. It’s enough just to get out and say that she’s moving to a job that focuses more on her technical skills.

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      1. KateM*

        Yes, yes, I didn’t mean saying this literally, but rather that’s what would be the thought behind it, and that there would be no reason to placate the boss and make him believe that this would NOT be the expected result when he makes a scientist into an admin assistant.

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    2. LizardOfOz*

      While I kind of agree with the sentiment, the potential consequences are all against the employee leaving, so it is generally better to not go out swinging. Even if it would be really, really satisfying in the moment.

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      1. KateM*

        Yes, what I meant was that why to hide from the boss that you are moving to a job where you can use those skills that your boss tried to suppress? Of course you would actually be using Alison’s “I’m moving to a job that focuses more on my technical skills” – boss should understand the implication anyway.

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    3. Ellis Bell*

      Reasons are for reasonable people. You would hope though, that the boss would have the insight to see on their own why someone may be leaving to do better, after they’ve tried to squelch them.

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  3. Educator*

    Interesting answer to #5–In a past job, I was periodically subpoenaed for things I observed as a result of my professional role that were not directly connected to my job itself. My employer always paid me and helped facilitate the logistics, but it looks like that was just out of the goodness of their hearts rather than any legal obligation. Or is it different if the summons is connected to a situation you would not have been involved with in the first place if you did not have your job?

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    1. Cmdrshprd*

      I’m having a hard time picturing what kind of role job you are talking about.

      I would imagine/hope if you were a police officer and/or security guard for a store testifying would be considered part of your job.

      Idk about criminal proceedings but for civil proceedings if you are subpoenaed you should be paid (not a ton but small stipend for milage and day appearance) this I think varies for state proceedings vs federal proceedings. so I think having to use PTO is not unreasonable, you are still being paid so you don’t lose money, you just lose a PTO day or two.

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      1. Myrin*

        Given the username, I’d assume Educator is a teacher of some sort and was as such subpoenaed for cases where parents hit their children or a student who had behaved erratically in school committed a crime outside of school. I guess you could argue that dealing with that kind of thing is part of a teacher’s job but there’s also an obvious difference between that and e. g. a police officer.

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        1. Educator*

          Yes, I was a school administrator at the time, so some cases were directly connected to my work, but a lot were really a stretch–I obviously can’t be too specific, but think things like being asked to testify about the character of people you had only met for minutes in passing. I often felt like lawyers liked my title and wanted me to talk about things I really was not in a position to address.

          I would have been pretty annoyed if I also had to do it without pay or had to take PTO too. I feel like job-related summonses, even tangential ones, should be their own category.

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      2. Gamer Girl*

        It’s pretty common if you are a subject matter expert (ESL, Special Ed, etc) who can testify to the legal implications of a teacher’s, school, or district policy that denies children up to 21 their rights under IDEA or other Ed law. In fact, for ESL, in a good TESOL program you are specifically trained on how to advocate for children if/when there are compliance issues with the law (eg: denying the need for an ESL teacher, not providing adequate resources, not providing aides or denying other services in the IEP, discrimination, etc).

        There is a ton of Ed law, but there are also districts or individuals who try to not apply the law (often because of cost) because they don’t see a handful of ESL kids at a school as “worth” the cost of a teacher. So, you need subject matter experts to testify on the legal impact and the educational impact of non compliance.

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    2. Catagorical*

      Seems reasonable that the job connection mattered. I think it was appropriate your employer paid, even if not legally required.

      Reply ↓
  4. Nodramalama*

    For LW1 I don’t know if this helps, and obviously I don’t know where you or your manager are from, but for what its worth rando is VERY common slang in Australia and using rando to refer to someone wouldn’t be particuarly rude, although you’d be more likely to refer to someone as ‘ol mate’

    I would still be a bit put off if my boss referred to ME as a rando, but I’d probably take them at face value that they didn’t mean anything particular by it.

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    1. Educator*

      Yes, in my part of the US, I would have interpreted “rando” to mean someone hired from outside the company or without direct experience doing the task at hand. Not exactly a nice thing to say, but not worth a lot of mental energy either.

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      1. Nosy*

        I’m also in the US, but where I am “rando” is basically synonymous with “idiot”. When I first read the question I was incensed on OP #1’s behalf that their boss has called them an idiot in front of team members and to their face!

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        1. InternetRando*

          In the UK, “rando” is shorthand for “randomer,” which refers to someone perceived as random or lacking a clear connection to the situation at hand. In this context, the term implies that people were hired for roles without thorough consideration of their background, experience, or skill alignment with the position. It doesn’t necessarily mean these individuals lack excellent skills, but rather that their qualifications or expertise don’t align well with the specific needs of the role—hence being considered “random hires.”

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          1. Theon, Theon, it rhymes with neon*

            Yeah, even if “rando” weren’t pejorative in my dialect on its own (and Urban Dictionary is with me on this), just being told out of the blue, in front of everyone, that my boss doesn’t have confidence that I’m a good fit for my job, would feel like a real sucker punch!

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          2. Polly Hedron*

            Strictly speaking, LW1 has room not to take the insult personally, because the boss didn’t call LW1 a rando, just said they’d “been hiring so many randos”, which is a bit different from saying every new hire is a rando.

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          3. Ellis Bell*

            I mean, while that’s literally the definition, I would still take this comment as a joking one in the UK. It’s so extreme, that it’s got to be a very ham-fisted attempt at teasing. Too many managers think they can take part in friendly banter, or taking the piss. They don’t factor in how their position makes it excruciatingly awkward.

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        2. Irish Teacher.*

          Yikes, if that is true in the LW’s area, it rather changes my impression of things. I never heard it used to mean anything but “random person” and took it as “we’ve had so many random people being hiredvlately and they’ve varied from useless to really good, so I’m relieved the LW is at the very good end of the scale because the standard is really random and I’ve no idea what to expect from hires.”

          Still tactless, but nowhere near implying idiots.

          Reply ↓
      3. Theon, Theon, it rhymes with neon*

        US here, and it comes across as pretty rude to me even by itself. And even worse in a context of “You don’t know what you’re doing, and we’re lucky you didn’t mess everything up.”

        I could see being a manager and meaning it jokingly, like “My team of idiots,” and being dismayed that the joke didn’t land, but I could also see being offended by being on the receiving end. Especially if you’re new and don’t have a rapport with your boss yet.

        When I gave a workshop on communication in the workplace, my advice was to play it safe and not make disparaging jokes about the people below you in a hierarchy, even if you don’t mean anything negative. You never know how the message is going to be received, and really…do you *need* to make that joke? You don’t, so consider that your reports need not to be wondering if you have a negative opinion of them and if so, if that’s going to negatively impact their career, and that their need should come first.

        That said, because I said in my workshop that this is the exact kind of thing managers do, without realizing the potential for it to have a really disproportionate effect because of the power imbalance, I agree with Alison’s advice to not overthink it. Managers mess up, and this kind of mistake is easy to make.

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        1. Allonge*

          Your last paragraph, totally. It’s not that it should be happening, but there is no magical transformation when someone becomes a manager – people who had a bad brain-to-mouth filter still have it as a manager, people who have difficulty being on time still have that issue as a manager etc.

          Again, this is not to say OP is in the wrong to be hurt. It is to say, however, that the energy invested in unfortunate remarks is not well spent – best to find a way to get over it if there is no other issue.

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    2. Lizard the Second*

      Another Australian here. Rando is common usage, but I’ve always encountered it as mildly derogatory or dismissive. It would definitely feel insulting to me to use it to describe someone in a work context.

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    3. Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd*

      It’s the use of random coupled with the remark about “no quality control”, though. It seems to mean that (the boss feels — is there any truth in it?) the company is hiring people who are unqualified, have unrelated experience, or otherwise don’t fit the “expected” mental model of what a hire for that role should look like. It isn’t a nice thing to say but I wonder if there’s any truth to it in OPs case, or within the company as a whole. Also something about the way this was said makes me think the boss wasn’t the one who hired OP, which is an interesting dynamic in itself.

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      1. Cedrus Libani*

        I would interpret it that way too. On the plus side, it’s not necessarily an insult to the LW. It’s more “I have low confidence in the skills of our new hires, because from what I’ve seen the company might as well be picking these people at random, so it’s a relief to find one that isn’t useless.” That’s not something the manager ought to be saying out loud, even if it’s true, but still not an insult to the LW.

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  5. InternetRando*

    LW1: Let’s be clear— the boss didn’t refer to the LW as a ‘rando’ (which, in itself, isn’t necessarily an insult) but rather used the term to describe other recent, less successful hires contributing to messy projects. This seems to be an unfortunate expression of frustration about those hires and, albeit clumsily, a compliment to the LW. Very much overreacting by he LW – perhaps not surprising when at the beginning of our new role journey we all want to impress – but impressing is clearly working and the random comment is fine if a bit insensitive!

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    2. MK*

      The comment is very much not “fine”, even in the context you describe. The word may not be strictly an insult, but it is definitely a contemptuous and dismissive description, and it shouldn’t be used by a manager to describe new colleagues publicly.

      Reply ↓
      1. Ellis Bell*

        I agree. I think InternetRandos’s read on the manager is correct, and OP should feel reassured, but I don’t think it’s professional to slate unsuccessful hires publicly like this.

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    3. KateM*

      I do read it as OP included among those lately hired randos and boss essentially saying “thankfully this particular rando happened to be of better quality than most”. Still not a compliment.

      Reply ↓
  6. Rosacolleti*

    #5 This is tricky because it’s not to your employers benefit to have you away from your job so why should it be their cost? I understand it’s not the OP’s fault either, but that shouldn’t make it the employers’ problem.

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    2. Ellis Bell*

      It depends on the cost and the size of the company, but I think an employer would do well to consider overall the morale impact on employees of losing PTO to something they can’t control. If you lose an employee to another company that will help them navigate emergencies and their civic duties, how much will it cost to replace them?

      Reply ↓
  7. KateM*

    For OP#3, I noticed that the security camera shows among other things what is on OP’s screen. Could that possibly be considered some kind of confidentiality breach? The cameras probably are not good enough for actual data, but maybe knowing what kind of data layout appears when could be something that should not be filmed?

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  8. Seashell*

    #1, I think you’re being too literal about it absolutely being about you because you are the most recent hire. The boss might have had the other five most recent hires in mind when he said it. Your mindset that it’s definitely about you makes you sound a bit immature.

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    1. Ellis Bell*

      You’re being unkind, but that’s by the by given how you’ve misread the letter. It’s clear that from the reaction by other people in the meeting that the manager misjudged this joke badly given that it was mostly about OP’s project.

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      1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

        I find the colleagues’ reaction reassuring, for what it’s worth.

        If they had all chuckled along with Boss, that would speak to a work environment in which either people are thoughtless or they are used to appeasing a thoughtless boss.

        Since it sounds as though there was a collective cringe, on the other hand, I would conclude that it was an uncharacteristic foot-in-mouth moment for Boss, or at the very least that the rest of the team has tact!

        Reply ↓
    2. duinath*

      I don’t think it makes them sound immature at all.

      I think the boss made an ill-timed, ill-thought out comment, which would naturally sting because it was poorly done.

      Mistakes happen. We are all human. But this was boss’ mistake, not LW’s.

      Reply ↓
  9. Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd*

    OP2 (scientist turned lunch orderer) – what does it mean to “ride it out”? If it means just accepting it or hoping things will change in the future (hint: they won’t) – No. It’s time to move on to somewhere your skills can be used and appreciated. Remember it’s now been 2 years of not using your degree, in that sense you are now 2 years behind your “peers” in terms of actual relevant experience.

    Normally I don’t bring gender into things but I do wonder if there’s a gender element to this. Is OP female / female-presenting? I almost wonder if there’s a “women aren’t technical” dynamic here.

    Reply ↓
    1. WS*

      Yeah, I have seen men pushed into more menial roles (and more physical roles, in the case of nursing), but not into admin specifically. That’s always been seen as a “woman’s job”.

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  10. Irish Teacher.*

    LW1, I’m guessing your boss meant something like “we’ve had a really high turnover lately/have hired people from a wide variety of backgrounds lately and not all have been a success but it looks like you are going to be. It’s great we finally got what looks like a good hire.”

    It was phrased REALLY badly and I’m not surprised you were hurt. And I think it does indicate at least that your boss is tactless and doesn’t think about how his words affect people, but it sounds like the worst possibility is that he wasn’t expecting much when you were hired but he has now started to change his opinion and think you likely to be a good member of the team.

    And I’m not really sure there’s much you can do now, other than be aware of the fact that your boss says that kind of thing and watch out to see if there is a pattern of him being dismissive of others or callous or saying hurtful things.

    Reply ↓

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