open thread – November 8, 2024

by Alison Green on November 8, 2024

It’s the Friday open thread!

The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers.

* If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer.

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{ 1,128 comments }

{ 1,128 comments… read them below }

  1. BellaStella*

    Tell me your work joys and kind things that happened at work or things that you did for someone to be kind this week, please. I had a colleague buy me coffee and another help me word a letter that was to a vendor that is difficult.

    1. Freelance Bass*

      So, this was obviously a pre-election result kindness, but I was a poll worker on Tuesday, and a couple bought us all pizza. We were on hour 15 and it meant a lot!

        2. Freelance Bass*

          Honestly my pleasure. It was my first time poll working and I was mainly looking for some extra cash (my industry has been on the strugglebus this year) but I ended up loving it! It actually kept me sane and distracted that day because we weren’t allowed to talk about anything on the ballot. I totally recommend it to anyone who needs a one-time gig!

          1. JFC*

            My aunt has been a poll worker for probably 40 years, and she really enjoys it. She was a school bus driver, so it was the perfect way to supplement her income. Our state sometimes has Saturday elections and the schools are closed if elections are on a Tuesday. Her daughter (a hairstylist) does it with her now. They’re both extroverts, so they enjoy talking to people throughout the day (and perhaps spending some extra time gossiping if it’s a slow turnout day).

          2. civic engagement is cool*

            I’m also a poll worker (this was my fourth or fifth election) and I’m glad to hear you enjoyed it! Your point about being distracted and busy is definitely why I do it. I second the recommendation for anyone who wants to keep busy or needs an outlet for community engagement :) it is a long day for sure, but very rewarding to be able to help people.

          3. Reluctant Mezzo*

            I worked as an observer and watched them (on screen) ‘cure’ ballots. You would not think that “Vote for One” was a hard instruction….

      3. Texan In Exile*

        I worked the polls as well and a voter brought us a bag of conchas and churros. There were a bunch left over at the end of the night and nobody else wanted them so I brought them home and we have been snacking on generosity and thoughtfulness.

        2. Bike Walk Barb*

          My brother was also a poll worker. Thank you for doing this!

          Love the line “snacking on generosity and thoughtfulness.” We could all use some good snacks like those.

        3. Frieda*

          I was a first-time poll worker this year and because of a John Irving essay about polling places in Vermont that are overflowing with pies and other baked goods, I was a little hopeful that we’d somehow have snacks even though I’ve never seen snacks in a polling place in my state. Alas.

          We did get paid lunch and dinner breaks, and I should clear just north of $150 which I can then donate to my local campus food pantry for some discretionary money for students in need of things the pantry might not have. So they’ll get snacks!

          1. Chocolate Teapot*

            I was a polling clerk in this year’s European elections, and agree it is a long tiring day but a nice bit of extra money. In our case, we got sandwiches
            provided, and the head of our polling station always brings her coffee machine.

      6. Chaos Farmer*

        Someone had pizzas delivered to my location. We thought at first a person in the 2-hour-long line ordered for themselves, but we finally figured out they were for us. (Thank you, Veronica.)

    2. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      I’m all here for the small acts of kindness threads :)

      The receptionist today told me that my dress was fantastic and it made me smile.

    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I’m pretty sure I didn’t get any of the positions I applied for (I haven’t heard anything official yet but it was announced that offers had been made, and I haven’t gotten one) which is fine – I’m very happy in my current job – but the few coworkers who knew I had applied, including my boss, have all been very supportive in the “that sucks, their loss, but at least we get to keep you” sense, which has been a comfort. It’s nice to work with people who both value me and want to see me succeed.

    4. English Rose*

      Great question! I met a co-worker for another site for the first time in person and found her interesting, funny and a complete delight.

    5. AMH*

      We had an employee chili cookoff this week, put together by our new employee engagement team. It seems such a little thing, but something about being in a place where people were laughing, joking, cheerful for a few hours was so lovely right now. And my coworker who represented our department kept giving me the leftovers from her delicious test batches, so I ate like a queen for a week.

    6. ThatGirl*

      Totally by coincidence we had a small volunteer event on Wednesday that had been pre-planned; we made Christmas/Hanukkah/holiday cards for kids who are in the hospital – they are distributed through a national charity to pediatric wards. We busted out the markers and stickers and cardstock and construction paper and glue and made little bits of joy; it was very therapeutic.

    7. StressedButOkay*

      As a manager, I tried to move as many meetings my direct reports were in to next week to give them just time. I also told them to do what they could but that the work would be there on Tuesday if it took them longer to do it because they needed to disassociate or go outside or be with family. I hope it helped.

      2. dude, who moved my cheese?*

        I had a vet appointment this week and always get a donut from an amazing local spot nearby (after dropping kitty safely at home—it’s not a long detour). So I brought the vet techs and shelter staff a couple boxes of donuts because f it, it’s such a hard job and for many a hard week.

        3. WS*

          I bought a treat basket for the vets who put down my (very elderly and ailing) cat with great kindness. They were absolutely thrilled – apparently they rarely get presents! They’re great, they should be appreciated.

          1. even more anonymous than usual*

            That’s so lovely, thank you for doing that. (I asked a relative in vet medicine first – if they’re elbows-deep in gross medical things all day do vet staff even want treats? They said YES.)

    8. Anne Elliot*

      The “Book Recommendations” slack channel at my work is sharing a) political/authoritarianism books and b) escapist books so that everyone has a recommendation for whatever their emotional need is right now

      1. happybat*

        I saw a very charming post on the fantasy romance subreddit, inviting the fairies/aliens to take us away anytime now, please.

    9. Keladry of Mindelan*

      I commented below about my new job woes, but something yesterday that made me smile–

      I was on my way back to my office after lunch and ran into someone who was on my hiring committee who I hadn’t seen since (this is my first week at a new job). She asked where my (extremely isolated) office was and, upon hearing my response, said “Oh my goodness, you must be so lonely back there!!” and took me around the floor to introduce me to three different people and show me where the coffee pot was.

    10. kiri*

      I work at a front desk in a higher ed institution. We had a facilities guy hand in a campus ID he found at the bottom of an elevator shaft (!). The ID had been replaced, but it was on a lanyard that had clearly been thoughtfully decorated (cute charm, cute case, etc). I emailed the student whose ID was in the case, and they were SO excited and ran right over to pick it up – they thought they’d never see their cute things again!

      Was nice to do a small thing to make someone happy this week, especially.

    11. Kimmy Schmidt*

      I’ve been working with my boss on a special project and she sent me a really lovely message thanking me for my contributions and how she’s learned from my skills.

    12. Katara's side braids*

      I reached out to my former intern, who became a citizen last year and voted for the first time on Tuesday. We’re meeting for bubble tea next week.

    13. Damn it, Hardison!*

      My company launched a mentoring program recently, and I met with my new mentor for the first time. She is delightful, and I think I will learn a lot from her.

    14. Nesta*

      A coworker from another office was walking by and poked her head in to check on how we were doing. It was so quiet that day and everyone was so in their head, it was nice to have someone care about us who could have just kept walking!

    15. Elly Marie*

      Not work, but I’m helping out with costumes for a local community theater and it’s tech week. One of the young cast members told me that I “have a solution for every problem” and it was encouraging to hear that.

      1. Anon for this*

        I work in a newsroom, so you can imagine how intense the past week has been. But even when stress levels were at their highest, people on our team were making an effort to be kind and calm. One coworker even said something along the lines of „the heavier the workload, the friendlier everyone is“, which hit the nail on the head. Still a tough week, but yay for kind coworkers!

    16. Bike Walk Barb*

      I telework almost 100% of the time. My best friend who works for the same agency and lives nearby texted Wednesday night and said, “I need community. Want to work at HQ Thursday, bike in with me, and eat lunch together?”

      This was a great idea. Chilly ride with chatting along the way, then lunch sitting outside in very warm sunshine that was a surprise for this time of year.

      We’re planning to do it every week, and then in the evening go to a local yarn shop for their social knitting hour they hold Thursday nights.

    17. Zanshin*

      I am one of four artists doing a long term volunteer project at our local homeless shelter/day use program. Election day we were notified we were approved for a grant that will provide supplies plus materials to prepare art for public exhibition and poetry chapbook publication!
      Think globally, act locally!!!!!

    18. Medium Sized Manager*

      I am the sole Canadian working for an American company, so I don’t have any built-in coworkers if I choose to go into the office. I have been going in for events and trying to develop relationships, but it’s a little terrifying/intimidating, if I am being honest.

      Yesterday, one of the women running the event told me she remembered me from the previous event and chose me as her “safe person” to look at if she was nervous during the presentation because I was very engaging in the last session, and THEN told me I should consider some higher level events since the one I attended is geared towards people with less experience than me. Mind you, this was our second time ever meeting!

      I have been riding that confidence high ever since, and it really gave me the courage I needed to just act like I freaking belong already! I am planning to send her a thank you note next week to pay it forward but it was the win I needed :)

    19. Tradd*

      I was off two days this week with a nasty case of bronchitis and the other person in my department covered my desk while I was gone (shipments don’t stop and have to be covered) AND helped out yesterday, my first day back, with NO griping. That was nice, for a change!

    20. overeducated*

      One of my colleagues is being moved to another department under a re-org. She set up a recurring coffee chat invitation with me and another coworker so we won’t lose touch. I appreciate that.

      Another coworker and I chatted past our necessary meeting time twice this week. Usually I try not to do that because we have a lot of work to do, but sometimes it helps to connect on a personal level as well as get through the to-do list.

    21. Parakeet*

      A work joy from this morning: I was attending a hybrid meeting remotely. A speaker’s pet pigeon landed on her head while she was speaking, and did not want to get off. She eventually got it to sit on the head of the back of her chair and preen. People absolutely loved this. It definitely improved my mood.

    22. epicdemiologist*

      My boss is being very understanding about my need to take it easy while dealing with/recovering from COVID. Mild case, fortunately, but I’m still dealing with fatigue, brain fog, cough/sneezing/headache, and REALLY REALLY don’t want to pass it along to anyone else!

    24. Yorick*

      Facebook memories reminded me of the time a famous academic who wrote a famous theory emailed me to say my newly published paper testing his theory was important.

    25. Pickles at a Potluck*

      I work in foreclosure prevention, and sometimes a “success” still involves someone losing their home, just in a voluntary way. I was helping someone who was preparing to sign over their home and they thanked our team for being so kind and helpful during such a difficult time. Almost made me cry. We get a lot of pushback when we can’t get people the outcome they want and it was so lovely to be thanked for our efforts even when they were losing their home.

      2. happy people*

        Thank you so, so much for the work you do. I had to surrender my house back to the bank last year after years of struggling to try and catch up on my mortgage payments in the wake of a divorce and mental health struggles. It was so incredibly difficult, and a lot of the people in my life who tried/wanted to support me just ended up stressing me out by pushing me to keep fighting to keep the house long after it became obvious to me that it would not be feasible. The people I encountered in this process who were professional, helpful, and matter of fact about the actual solutions I could pursue were such a godsend.

    26. Silvester*

      Great question! I work at a theatre which was closed for several months while the floor was being repaired. We opened last month and our seating rake (which is the last thing to get us “back to normal”) just went back in today! :)

    27. Clownshoes Nonsense*

      Coincidentally we had a team building exercise for my office planned for Wednesday (a sushi making class). I was dreading it- it felt like a huge lift to get presentable and have to put my social/professional face on. But it was really, really nice to connect with colleagues- who are uniformly lovely people- over something delicious and inconsequential.

    29. Cat Herder*

      My cubicle neighbor helped me draft a letter to my landlord/slumlord (personal task, on company time) to get me out of my lease 8 months early. Landlord accepted, and I’m now on my way to move out of my high-crime city to a safer, quieter small town that’s still within commuting distance (not changing jobs). So grateful for this person’s kindness and guidance!!

    30. The Prettiest Curse*

      I put together a long-ish list of useful info and links that I wished I’d known/had when I first started my job and sent it to a new colleague. Added bonus – the new colleague is lovely and seems like the my will be a great addition to the team!

    31. Dark Macadamia*

      Coworker sent out an email inviting people to visit her classes on Wednesday because the kids were working on a really fun project. It was so uplifting. Teens and tweens really are wonderful people.

    32. Casey*

      My brilliant lovely friend just got promoted! She’s going to be an amazing manager. We all went out for drinks to celebrate and it was great seeing her direct-reports-to-be clearly looking forward to working for her.

    33. KirinKirin*

      I work remotely but my company is very “we have a Culture” and if you’re not on site, it’s really hard to be a part of the culture. I was covering a meeting for a colleague and only one other person came in to the Zoom room and told me she was really excited it was just the two of us because she loves talking to me. Most of my coworkers act completely indifferent to me no matter how hard I try to make inroads with them, so that really brightened my spirit for the week.

    34. Hillary*

      Someone I’ve been having career chats with accepted a new job – full time and reasonably paid with benefits after years of underpaid gig & part time work. I’m so happy for them.

    35. Mini Moose*

      I work in informal education, and I had to give an in school program the day after the election. I was prepared for a lot of varying levels of disruption from the students (which are considered a “problem group”), but we had so much fun. I got to tell them it was the most fun I’ve had doing this program in a long time, because of them. This group never hears that, and it made me remember why I do what I do in the first place.

    36. kalli*

      I made a friend at work – my previous work friend left and literally nobody talked to me except to assign tasks or inform my my boss was away until this last round of union negotiations and turns out I was right, the new guy is not only very very gay but we have political things in common so now I have a new work friend and he has his first work friend and we’re both ‘this is not okay, we’re not okay, the world is not okay!’ and feeling very validated right now.

    37. Margaret Cavendish*

      I got a note from HR that someone on my team has reached a certain threshold of absences, and I should enter him into the first stage of the Attendance Management Program.

      This employee has been with the org for 25 years, and has never once had a problem with attendance. The reason he’s been aware more this last period is just “life happens” stuff – major car repairs, two minor surgeries, his wife had surgery, that kind of thing. He’s been transparent with me all along, and I’ve been approving them all along, and I’m not going to go to him out of the blue and say HR has a problem with his attendance.

      So I politely told HR to get lost, and said nothing at all to my employee.

    38. HungryLawyer*

      I told my team that they didn’t need to be on Teams or really responsive to anything on Wed., that I could handle all requests that came our way. I also told them to take as many breaks as they need to this week. Happy to say they all took me up on that.

    39. Banana Pyjamas*

      The statistics professor decided to do away with the lockdown browser and it’s subpar calculator.

    40. Rage*

      I work in Compliance at a mid-sized non-profit healthcare outpatient clinic. We have a mascot – the HIPAA Hippo – who shows up on occasion to remind people to protect our clients’ PHI. When I say mascot, I mean a full-on mascot hippo suit, with a superhero cape and everything.

      Some years back our Talent Development & Marketing teams put their heads and talents together and made some of the most hysterical HIPAA trainings – featuring said hippo. We sadly don’t use those videos anymore, but at least the hippo remains.

      It’s Compliance Week, so of course the hippo made an appearance. My manager walked him through our cubicle area. As soon as they arrived, I immediately locked my workstation.

      “Has the hippo signed a confidentiality waiver?” I asked.

      Manager, “No.”

      “Who authorized him to come into this area?”

      “I dunno,” she said with a grin. “He just showed up.”

      I then submitted a “Workplace Health and Safety Report”, indicating the breach of policy for allowing an unauthorized visitor into an area where PHI could be seen, and that they had failed to have him wear a visitor’s badge.

      All of the executive team, along with the members of the Workplace Health & Safety Committee, got a huge chuckle out of it. Just a silly thing, but I think we all needed the ridiculous laugh.

      3. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

        YES, all the rules for the area must be met for the visitor.
        My previous company had a holiday elf who had a badge, only visited areas they were cleared for, and was escorted by security.

    41. allathian*

      Had a great day at the office. My employer won an industry award and we got coffee and cake. We took the leftovers to the break room so that those who were stuck in meetings for the event also got a share.

      I like going to the office sometimes when there’s a reason that means others will be there too. This time I saw a few people I haven’t seen in person since March 2020.

      My 15 year old son just completed his first two-week unpaid internship at a hardware store. His boss and coworkers were happy with his efforts and he learned a lot.

      My close coworker’s going on job rotation to a sister agency for 6 months and I’m on the interview panel. Our boss had listed a few applications for me to look at. One of them looked like a really good fit, but the candidate was missing a must-have skill, which I noticed as soon as I looked at their resume. I pointed that out and my boss complimented me on my ability to cut through the crap and see the essentials like I’d been hiring for years. I must admit that felt great.

      Lots of good stuff this week!

    42. DrSalty*

      We are doing performance evaluations this week, and I’m taking great pleasure in writing glowing reviews for all my reports. They’ve been so fantastic this year.

    43. anonymous academic*

      Our library at work has a display for Transgender Awareness week & upcoming day of remembrance. It looks like it’s there for the whole month, but made me feel less alone to see it.

    44. Aphrodite*

      I work at a community college with a strong union for classified (support) employees. We can use hourly employees as long as they work for limited periods of time and no more than 19.5 hours a week.

      But there are positions called substitutes and while these are sort of like hourlies (getting no benefits) they are given more access into the systems, allowing them to work with student records) and to work up to 40 hours a week. They are also paid more than hourlies. Their contracts last no more than 60 days and cannot be renewed because these positions are meant to cover urgent situations.

      A has worked as an hourly but was approved to be a sub; that sub contract ended on October 22. But … she continued working as a sub (hours/pay) until Wednesday this week when someone from HR refused to approve her timecard. That’s when I found out about it. Another person and I met, talked to someone slightly higher up in HR and finally learned all the nuances about this hourly/sub thing. A had been sent home that morning as she had already worked 19.5 hours this week. And we soon decided we had to bring the dean in on it. We did but that dean was very “oh hum” about it and wanted to deal with it later when her assistant was back. In the meantime, the HR guy had gone to his boss, the VP of HR and laid it all out. The VP said I will approve a new 60-day contract to be effective 10/23-12/23 and only three other people need to sign it.

      A, in the meantime, was extremely upset. I called her twice after I got her cell number, told her that things were happening and to keep the faith. I was quite worried as she really, really, really wants to be a permanent staff member–and she is outstanding. We really cannot afford, and do not want , to lose her. Because …

      at this same time interviews were going on for a role that she is/was filling in Admissions & Records. She had applied but had not noticed when she submitted a new application that her work history was blank. So HR kicked her app out during the first review of it and she had missed getting an interview. Downward spiral.

      Then … everyone finds out someone is retiring five days later from that department. So it’s upward again. And then this happens.

      I haven’t told A much of all this behind-the-scenes stuff but I almost called the union to tell our president what had happened. And I would have not the VP become involved because I firmly believe that no one should be jerked around the way A has been–and especially because the dean took it so casually. She would not have done so if she had needed the job and the money. My co-worker and I were all over this so I feel very, very good about what I have done. Someone is happy, someone will get this second job, someone will become permanent, someone will have her pay stay the same and be able to work the extended hours. In a really lousy week I made myself happy by my deeds.

      2. Firefighter (Metaphorical)*

        I work at a regional uni in Australia so I really get this situation, and what you did is an act of true heroism. Thank you! You rock!

    46. Roteg*

      My team has had a hard week, but we have been texting positive thoughts and support since Wednesday. The face that all our care for each other is even stronger in tough times was so encouraging to me (and I love all this thread too), especially as I am usually a person who takes care of others and…they took care of me back.

    47. Forest Hag*

      I started a new job in August, and everyone has been so kind – my new coworkers and my new clients. I’m a consultant, and I know not all clients are going to be super kind, but the ones I’m working with right now are just the best. Even though I’ve only been on the project for a few months, they always make sure to include me whenever they mention my boss (who they have mostly been working with), or anything we are involved in – I expected to be sort of ignored my first several months just because I was a new face and no one knew anything about me, but they haven’t done that at all. It’s such a change from my previous organization – rarely thanked or remembered. I don’t need a ton of praise or anything, but it’s just nice to be thanked sometimes, or remembered at all.

      Also, everyone has spelled and/or pronounced my last name correctly. It’s not a difficult name to get correct (fairly common English name in the US), but no one at my last job would ever pronounce it or spell it accurately, even if it was staring right at them (like in a Teams chat). Again, it’s a tiny thing, but it makes such a huge difference to feeling valued. All of this has been really energizing, and it’s helping me get over the burn out from my last job.

    48. Compliments to your mother*

      I was treating a coworker to her favorite coffee treat drink and recognized the daughter of an old friend behind us in line. I work at a university and this is her first year here as an out-of-state student. I insisted that she let me buy her drink, then took a pic with her to text to her mom. Friend responded later that her daughter had been having a rough time this week coming from a blue state and being a first-time voter in a (very) red state. I was so grateful I had the chance to take care of her in a small way.

    49. nonprofit llama groomer*

      Our manager allowed anyone who could to not come in/leave early and take leave/work from home on Wednesday and closed the office to the public. I had something that didn’t allow me to leave before 4. I’d worked in a disaster-affected area 2 1/2 hours away the day before and it was pretty depressing. He let me cry and feeling-dump at him (yes I mean at him) for a minute during my quick break and I could tell his eyes were red too.

    50. WoodswomanWrites*

      Yesterday I saw one of my colleagues who is gay, nonbinary, and an immigrant of color. I connected with them to assure them that no matter what is happening in the world, I am here to support them. They hugged me.

    51. Elle Woods*

      I had a really positive experience at a local store and took a couple of minutes to write a brief note to the store manager to let him know how great the employee who helped me was.

    52. Jaya*

      It was my older brother’s birthday and he was able to fly in for a day between work events. While it was a rush job, I was able to make one cake for our family since we have siblings with allergies, and Mom got a carrot cake locally that he likes.

    53. GladToBeAlive*

      Not sure if it counts but I decided my mental health is more important than the magic “1 year mark” at a job or being “committed to the mission”

  2. The Most Anonymous*

    Looking for perspective from those with federal jobs.

    I’m considering applying for a position with the US Patent Office, but given incoming administration, I wonder if that’s wise. Are there concerns about the USPTO being negatively impacted? Is it wise to apply for fed jobs right now? Any insight would be much appreciated.

    1. Tio*

      I think the USPTO is very low on the radar. The main areas I would stay away from is the DOJ, IRS, CBP, and EPA. USPTO is run by the department of commerce.

      1. Cyndi*

        From 2017-19 I worked in a job that was private sector but consisted entirely of admin work contracted out from USCIS, and it was a nightmare because of constant wild swings in policy. I would avoid anything immigration-related.

        1. Tio*

          I’m an import broker for over a decade dealing directly with tariff laws.

          It wasn’t a fun 4 years and I’m not looking forward to the next.

          2. Busy Middle Manager*

            Can I ask, what type of issues does this created? Curious, that’s all, since I used to work with loads of tax rates and types of taxes at my last job, it all gets built into a software that you need to audit, but on a day-to-day basis, it doesn’t create much extra work. I was assuming tariffs work the same as any tax would

            or are there other issues I am not thinking of? (for example I saw on reddit that tariffs led some companies to panic-buy before they went into effect)

            1. Tradd*

              The main issue was implementation. In 2017-2018, there was sometimes only a week for CBP/broker software programmers to get the changes made so the correct new China duties would show up when you were keying in the customs clearance data before submitting electronically to CBP.

              The other issue was panicking customers. They would hear something on the news and you’d arrive in the office the next morning to many emails/voice mails, plus phone calls as you’re walking in the door. They’d want info, but we had nothing.

              There were also issues with importers trying to get around paying the additional China duty. A customer of mine wanted me to commit fraud by using a different tariff number that wasn’t subject to the China duty, a different one than they had been using for more than a decade. Since I refused, they went to another broker, who had no issues with it. After about 6 months, they came back to the company I was working for. CBP was soon asking for documents, etc. Importer ended up with a million dollar fine and no longer imports. Nearly put the company out of business. I am very alert to importers trying to get around the current China duties as a result. Although if across the board duties for ALL China origin shipments are enacted with the new administration, that means fraud will be less. With the current China additional duties, some things, such as children’s toys, etc., are not subject to these additional duties.

              This additional stuff makes work as a broker much more stressful.

              1. Tio*

                Ooooh, yes, the tariff changing and fraud. And also suddenly trying to claim it came from Vietnam or Thailand or something when it didn’t. But just the tariff changes required us to sit with them and talk through their actual classification, then half of them call us liars or imply we don’t know what we’re talking about, and then they get caught because it’s basically free money for the govt to go after them and the govt can spot a pattern! They have algorithms for that!

                1. Tradd*

                  Yep! I forgot to include that once the cheating CBP customer came back to my company, we were using the tariff number they had always used.

            2. Tio*

              So, everyone who imports has a bond issued by a surety (insurance company) that covers your imports up to a certain amount of value+taxes. If you don’t pay the government, or have a penalty you don’t pay, or various other things, the govt goes after your bond company to pay on your behalf. However, it’s kind of like a credit card, in that it has a limit. if you import more than your limit, you need a new one with a higher limit. What we saw in the first round of tariffs was a ton of bond saturations (hitting your limit) and requiring multiple new bonds because +25% to your cost of item is a lot.

              Secondly, cash flow issues. +25% is a lot of money to suddenly come up with, and you have to pay the government within 10 days of the item coming into the country. (However actual payment date is usually at 8 days in case you need to correct something.) You’re paying this before anything gets sold, in most cases, and that’s a lot of extra cash to cough up suddenly on items you haven’t sold or used yet. It hit small businesses hard. This caused serious cash flow issues for both the businesses we were serving and the broker firms themselves as we struggled to get paid.

              Another issue I saw from a couple customers – they sold their items locked into a contract price, particularly if they are selling to major retailers like Walmart. Walmart did not allow the price to change due to the tariffs if they were already locked in for the time period. So sellers just had to eat that 25% out of their profit until they could recontract.

              Finally, a lot of the big manufacturers had invested heavily into owning or contracting with specific plants in China. They didn’t have the option to pivot their manufacturing that quickly or easily.

              It’s not just that we had to do a lot of work doing the entries themselves, but our clients, the importers, had a lot of serious issues that we had to work through with them.

              And those are just the ones that came to mind quickly.

              1. Tradd*

                God, I forgot about the bond issues. So, so many bonds were declared insufficient by CBP in the first months after the 2017-18 China tariffs went into effect. Ugh.

                1. Busy Middle Manager*

                  oh these are all good answers. Thank you! I had just pictured you guys doing the “paperwork” part, but now see you were inundated with customer questions and last minute changes that were PITAs

              2. Hlao-roo*

                Thanks Busy Middle Manager for asking and Tradd and Tio for answering! I have learned a lot about tariffs (and imports in general) from your posts.

                2. ChemistryChick*

                  Yes, same! I would love to see an AAM “ask a customs broker/importer” type post to learn more. It’s fascinating.

              3. Hillary*

                On the importer side we spent months figuring out the financial impact then years redesigning our supply chain. Things like product going from China to Canada doesn’t go through the US anymore* or adding second manufacturing locations overseas because of China’s retaliatory tariffs.

                *Yes, we could have done it in bond or done duty drawback but it was more effective to just ship it to one of our Canadian locations.

                1. Tradd*

                  I had a few customers that imported things from China that couldn’t be sourced from any other country OR that were still cheaper from China even with 25% additional duty on top.

                  Duty drawback makes my head hurt and I do ITs daily for cargo transiting the US to MX.

                2. Hillary*

                  @Tradd, we had some of that too. It was a bit easier because it was a global manufacturer and we had lots of options. Figuring it out was 90% of the supply chain finance guy’s job for months.

        2. Emmy*

          i’m a USCIS officer. i absolutely love my job and was in line for a promotion when this happened. now we have no idea what they’ll do to us. i feel we’ll probably be punished for reducing the length of time it took to get applications approved. i expect them to gut our entire senior leadership on day 1 as far down as they can go and rip up every policy implemented the last 4 years so that we’re mired in chaos and can’t process any applications for as long as they can legally stop us doing so.

      2. Tio*

        And in fact, infringing on patent/trademark is one of the big reasons we have to fight with China. It would be in the administration’s self interest not to eliminate that.

        That said, the government as a whole may come up against funding issues in the next four years, so that is a bit of an overhead strike against it.

        1. Anax*

          Feeling it. My job involves paperwork to wrap up the COVID response, and… oof. I’m nervous. I really, really don’t want to have to job hunt again.

        1. not nice, don't care*

          I imagine FEMA will be weaponized at the first disaster. Party loyalists only kind of thing, hired to deny aid to blue states.

          1. Tio*

            I would expect first to see more of a cutback on external FEMA aid, such as the partner countries, but the internal parts of FEMA that are probably most at risk are disaster responses to non-weather. Didn’t they cut a bunch of FEMA disease control plans/supplies right before the pandemic?

            1. Anax*

              They absolutely did. Oof.

              Hopefully I’m able to pivot to a different part of my current workplace – I’ve been doing really well and getting a lot of praise, but if FEMA’s budget is cut badly… Well. Hopefully I’ve been impressive enough that I get an internal transfer.

    2. online millenial*

      Avoid DOE and any science-based orgs as well. I don’t expect NOAA and NWS to survive next year.

      I hate it here.

      1. Keladry of Mindelan*

        Oof. In my heart of hearts, I knew those things already, but seeing them in black and white hurts.

        Any thoughts on DOJ–specifically OVW and other violence prevention initiatives?

        Also, re: “I hate it here”–if you’re a swiftie online millenial, perhaps you’d like to join me in the secret gardens in Taylor Swift’s mind? I hear it’s much nicer there.

      2. Dinwar*

        NOAA and NWS do work for firms far too important to simply abandon. Shipping companies, for example, absolutely need to know what the weather will be like tomorrow. There are also military aspects involved, including communications. You also have fisheries and oil that rely heavily on the information provided by these organizations, and these include some pretty powerful lobbies. Land-based transportation and a lot of infrastructure relies on the NWS as well–knowing when storms will hit allows them to deploy assets effectively, which minimizes downtime (and voters who are left stranded in the heat/cold for days on end tend to become cranky).

        Maybe these roles will be migrated to a more streamlined group (which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing). But I don’t think anyone’s going to let these institutions be totally eliminated.

        1. Ruthie*

          As a NOAA employee, I sure hope you are right. But my fear is that the new administration will listen to those critics that have always said that forecasting should be done by private companies. Weather and oceans *should* be non-controversial and non-partisan, but we live in strange times right now.

          1. Dinwar*

            The problem is, even if we want to transfer this to private companies, the military still needs the infrastructure. It’s like highways–an argument can be made that it should be done privately, or at the state level, or whatever, except that we need to get tanks and jeeps and ammo and personnel to their points of departure, so we need the highways anyway.

            And we saw what relying on private infrastructure companies does in Ukraine. Musk resisted disallowing Russian use of Starlink for a while, then tried to shut down Ukrainian use, on the grounds that a private company shouldn’t be involved in an armed conflict in another nation. He rather quickly found out that whether you’re private or not, once you become part of military infrastructure you don’t get to say “I don’t want to do this” anymore.

          2. Ruthie*

            I meant to add that USPTO should be fine. That’s a function that can’t be done by private industry, and is really critical for businesses and innovation. I’ve worked with some fantastic people from USPTO since we’re all part of the Dept of Commerce. Good luck with your application!

        2. kt*

          There is an option between status quo and elimination: privatization. With the tech and space industries’, hm, contributions to the new admin’s successful election effort, it would not be unreasonable to expect privatization or monetization instead.

          A privatization effort started in the VA in the first administration and now consumes a significant portion of the yearly budget. (For examples in two different directions, look at the Cerner contract and Care in the Community spending.) Spending more to get the same services privately rather than via gov’t employees is a win for big business.

          1. Dinwar*

            Right up to the point where China’s satellite-killing battleships start doing what they do, anyway. And I have serious doubts about Starlink’s ability to openly defy major military pressure in the USA and Europe (who have even greater capacity to shut down satellite communications). He’s provided a useful piece of infrastructure, but that comes at significant political risks that now need to be carefully balanced. Screw up and the whole thing gets nationalized.

          2. Rex Libris*

            It’s incredibly depressing to look at an astronomy app like Stellarium and watch it tracking how much crap Elon Musk has shot into space.

        4. A reader among many*

          @Dinwar, I don’t think that MAGA works that way. Just a month ago, right-wing social media blew up with conspiracy theories about weather control and hurricanes that the government purportedly sent to strike Republican parts of the country. They neither know nor care that these agencies have critical, irreplaceable functions. They do not understand how anything works, but they’re angry and paranoid, and meteorologists reported receiving death threats. NOAA and NWS have both been mentioned as organizations that should be on the chopping block, and the fact that chopping them will hurt America is absolutely beside the point.

        1. Rainy*

          That’ll be jarring for my dad and brother-in-law, both disabled vets who think Trump is awesome.

          I’ve already told my husband that when my FIL inevitably tries to corner me as he did 8 years ago and scream about how much he hates (insert female politician here–he’s not picky) that unlike last time when I tried to be the bigger person and just get out of the situation, this time I’m going to punch him.

              1. Panicked*

                I do not advocate for violence. However, if anyone gets in my face, I will do what it takes to get out of the situation. If a person’s smug, angry face is in the way, that’s their problem. I’ve told my daughter to do the same. We are not shrinking violets.

                1. Seashell*

                  As long as the person isn’t preventing you from moving, just walk away. Punching someone for being smug is still a crime. It doesn’t make you a shrinking violet to try to stay out of jail.

      5. noncomitally anonymous*

        NIH and NSF used to have strong bipartisan support. Not anymore. I’m concerned for my friends in those agencies.

      6. Fluff*

        NOAA and NWS ought to be safe. Florida and even Texas need them and the major wealthy government folks life there.

    3. Double A*

      You’re going to get a lot of doom and gloom responses. I don’t know anything about this personally, but can I suggest you only pay attention to the ones that have solid evidence or personal experience.

      I’m as worried about the incoming administration as anyone, but good people jumping ship or avoiding working for the government is not the solution. Obviously people need to protect themselves, but insiders are going to be crucial for getting through…forever.

      1. LyraB*

        I agree. I don’t think there’s going to be nay reliably safe port in the storm for the next four years, and maybe longer if effective opposition is not mobilized. If you are able to stay in and do your job with integrity for as long as possible, you will be doing a really important service

    4. CL*

      Family member retired from USPTO many years ago so things may have changed. My understanding is that it’s one of few government operations that is mostly self sufficient in terms of funding. As others have said, it’s probably also low on the radar of the incoming administration. Overall, however, I would avoid federal jobs until things stabilize.

      1. Venus*

        Yes, government patent offices are self-funded through fees so of all the jobs it is one of the safest.

    5. B.K. Lee*

      I work for the VA. You should probably be fine over at USPTO. It doesn’t seem high on the incoming administration’s list of priorities, so hopefully nothing drastically will change over there.

    6. Roscoe da Cat*

      USPTO is almost entirely supported by the fees they charge so funding issues rarely affect them. Also, they have legislation for their remote work so any other changes probably won’t affect them.

      I would argue they are one of the lower political places to work since they are non-controversial and not part of the federal budget.

    7. Grits McGee*

      I’m a current Fed- I’ll echo others that at the moment USPTO is less likely to be subject to the same kinds of impacts as other agencies. I’ll warn you though that that can change on a dime. I work for an explicitly nonpartisan agency that expended tons of effort under the previous Trump administration to stay under the radar, but got pulled into a political scandal not of our own making and is now potentially a target for retribution.
      You will be affected by government-wide policies though, like hiring freezes, reduction/elimination of telework, pay freezes, etc.
      I would go ahead and apply and see what happens. It’s much easier to get out of federal service than it is to get in, if things become intolerable.

    8. Policy Wonk*

      It takes a long time to fill government jobs, and there was a hiring freeze imposed at the beginning of the last Trump Administration, so go ahead and apply but don’t expect anything to come of it. As others have noted, government is a good place to work, but we expect tight budgets going forward.

    9. Quietly Worried*

      What do you think the chances are of already-accepted positions (non-patient care healthcare civilian DOD) with a February start date being canceled? We’ll be moving cross-country, and now I’m wondering if that’s a bad idea.

      1. Mad Scientist*

        I’m in a similar boat. Final offer landed in my email inbox the morning after election day. I accepted with a heavy heart. I’ll be moving across the country as well.

        Anything is possible but I doubt our positions will be cancelled before we start. The question is really how long we’ll be able to stay.

        1. Quietly Worried*

          I don’t know about for you, but I think being laid off soon after moving would be way worse than knowing before moving.

    10. YetAnotherFedContractor*

      I used to work at USPTO before I burned out and was let go (so take what I say with a large grain of salt). Some considerations:
      1) politics of intellectual property is not quite strictly Red/Blue (the joke in the IP community is that the far left doesn’t believe in property and the far right doesn’t believe in intellectuals). So some unusual alliances as compared to the rest of politics. A lot more business Republicans as opposed to religious Republicans.
      2) probably more pressure on the trademark side of the Office to give the customers whatever they want regardless of what the law actually is (although trademark law is a lot more squishy than patent law).
      3) the examination corps is a sweatshop and the turnover rate for new employees is high due to production quotas. It is currently unionized but in my opinion the patent examiners union is far too inclined to go along with management. The joke was that USPTO is a great place to work so long as you aren’t an examiner.

      My advice would be to check out the available jobs and switch out of examining as quickly as possible (or go back to the private sector, the revolving door at USPTO is real).

      They are hiring a lot of people because of retirement due to the boomers aging out and the new patent classification system (basically going to the international system which means that the patent examiners can’t sort and find the prior art quickly enough; it was like having your drunken uncle come into your tool shed and rearrange everything while he’s on a bender).

      And there will always be a backlog of cases to be examined, so if you can keep up with the production goals, you will always have something to work on.

    11. Just a name*

      USPTO is funded by the fees it charges its customers, not by a congressional appropriation. It rarely has issues but Congress does threaten to raid its fee pool to fund other things occasionally. They have a very liberal telework program.

    12. NotAnotherManager!*

      I would be less concerned about elimination as the re-implementation of the executive order creating Schedule F, which converts a lot of government jobs to basically at-will employment so that career civil service can be fired and replaced with party loyalists. It theoretically should only apply to policy-based positions, but OMB tried to implement it before Biden repealed the order and was going to reclassify nearly 70% of their staff as Schedule F, including admin assistants and IT. The Heritage Foundation already has a candidate database of loyalists to start replacing the federal workforce.

  3. BellaStella*

    For those looking for work I hope soon you find a great new job that pays well and has great colleagues! Good luck in interviews!

    1. Paint N Drip*

      This morning I wrapped up an application for a job that I couldn’t have drafted up in my dreams – crossing all the fingers! Hope everyone else is having good luck finding great jobs and sailing through the interviews :)

    2. Annie Edison*

      Thank you!! I’ve been job hunting for a few months and feeling a bit demoralized- I appreciate the good vibes! I’ve got an interview today so trying to keep my hopes up

    3. Procedure Publisher*

      I’m waiting for news about a position that I made it to the final stage. No word yet, but I’m starting to feel like I’m not selected.

  4. English Rose*

    Out of hours emails – there are sometimes discussions on this site around whether to respond to or to send emails late at night.

    I recently received an email from a CEO in our industry which included the following wording after the email message itself, and thought it was an excellent example on many levels:

    “I choose to work flexibly and I’m sending this email now because it suits how I achieve a work/life balance. So I don’t expect that you will read, respond or action this email outside of normal working hours”

    1. BellaStella*

      I see this type of wording on many of my company colleagues’s emails and on my external colleagues’ too. I like this a lot!!!

    3. access specialist*

      Email signatures at my company contain the following text:
      Note: My working day may not be your working day. Please don’t feel obliged to reply to this email outside of your normal working hours.

    4. used to be a tester*

      Our senior management use something like this: Receiving this email outside normal working hours? Managing work and life responsibilities is unique for everyone. I have sent this this e-mail at a time that works for me. Please respond at a time that works for you.

    5. Harlowe*

      We have a standard footer we are encouraged to use:

      “At Company we work across many time zones. While it suits me to e-mail now, I do not expect a reply outside your own working hours.”

    6. Bike Walk Barb*

      I borrowed something similar from a colleague for my email.

      I also try to remember to use the delay delivery option so I’m not pinging people late at night just because that’s when I’m catching up on email, although I don’t want to create a huge burst at 8am the next day either so I spread out the delivery times.

    7. Dinwar*

      I’ve done something similar. I get insomnia (migraines are lovely), and sometimes I’ve done work while I couldn’t sleep. I’ve learned to add “No need for a quick response–answer at your convenience” or the like, and emphasized this when I spoke with the folks onsite the next day.

    8. Stanley steamers*

      I’ve come across a few of these and honestly I find them a little patronizing for some reason.

      1. anonymous anteater*

        can you say more about that? Do you feel like this is already the norm where you work, and should go without saying? Or do you feel like this is lip-service in a place that expects responsiveness at all hours? (that’s when the disclaimer probably would really get my hackles up!)

      2. HSE Compliance*

        I agree, but I suspect that (in my case) the people that have used them that I’ve interacted with have been those that expect an immediate response. Limited anecdata, I will freely admit. I think for me it’s also the “I choose to work flexibly” part that comes across a little oddly for reasons I can’t quite explain.

      3. Lady Sally*

        I agree. I would like to use it, as I work a lot of odd hours and don’t expect my team to respond when they’re not working, but I also struggle with putting it in email (I do convey verbally at times). I think it’s that I don’t want to imply- “I work harder than you, but I don’t expect you to be at my level of dedication.” I know that’s not the intention, but I believe that’s why I struggle with it.

    9. kalli*

      On top of this, at my current work most people flat out put ‘do not read until you’re working’/’do not read until 9am Monday’/’don’t have to read until you’re at work’ or similar in the subject since half everyone is usually working outside business hours on deep focus or short-notice deadline work, and that way they don’t have to open or preview the email to see if it’s relevant or not, especially as one person might be clearing out their emails while waiting for a response from the other and sending requests even on the same file but on different tasks.

    10. DJ*

      Yes I’ve seen this a lot especially since WFH became more commonplace in 2020. I like it too as it respects both sides, the email writer’s right to work when it suits them and the receiver’s right to respond in their working hours rather than outside of these.

    12. CatMintCat*

      My Principal does this – and we all know from talking to him that he’s a nightowl who gets by with very little sleep so 2am emails are common. He doesn’t expect a response until we get to work, though.

      That said, one of my life goals is to respond to a 2am email in real time.

  5. Cocobolo Desk*

    Resume advice, please. I am updating my resume to incorporate Alison’s advice and list accomplishments, not just tasks. I took over a position where the predecessor had been in place for over thirty years. I have made many changes, massively revamping many of the existing ways things were handled. My manager and I started a lot of new outreach that had not been done in the past. Everything had been handled the same way for decades, relying on a very cumbersome and old FileMaker Pro system that was set up to spit out various forms and lists. There were other processes that were handled very inefficiently rather than utilizing new systems. I created a knowledge base using an existing software resource to provide our clients with information to prepare to use our services. I created customized calendars for various categories of stakeholders. I streamlined many functions. I implemented a lot of changes that add value for our clients or that showcase the value we offer for potential clients. I have made a lot of changes that incorporate checks to avoid costly errors (time and/or money). When I try to list my accomplishments, underscoring almost EVERYTHING is the thought, “Well, Esmerelda was here for THIRTY YEARS, so it isn’t like you are being particularly innovative, you are just updating incredibly ancient processes.” I feel like I am trying to take vast amounts of credit…. for essentially adding indoor plumbing to my house. Any thoughts?

    1. Cheeruson*

      But you did add indoor plumbing, yes? And those updates could have been accomplished before you, but it took you to initiate and complete them, so all credit and hail to you. Fly your own flag proudly.

    2. Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd*

      Esmerelda was there for 30 years but seems not to have initiated any change or innovation in that time. It’s not like you start a job and then things have to be frozen in time until you leave… The examples you’ve given are very valid and resume-worthy accomplishments (part of innovating isn’t really about the innovation itself but also the stuff that goes around it: getting buy-in for the change, assessing options, migrating the data, etc).

    3. bamcheeks*

      Adding indoor plumbing is not a minor job! I mean, it doesn’t necessarily show enormous innovation and the development of cutting edge technology, but it certainly shows ability to take on a big task and carry it through to completion.

    4. TechWorker*

      I mean if you hired a plumber for a house with no plumbing & they did a good job you’d still recommend them as a plumber. Indeed if they came in and installed a fancy smart home system it would be useless without the basic indoor plumbing for it to work on & they’d be quite a bad plumber… you can be prepared in interview to talk about what you’d do next, but it’s certainly a valuable skill to be able to come into an area, assess what is most critical to improve & get that shit done ;)

    5. Strive to Excel*

      Updating a 30 year old system is a monumental pain in the arse and a tremendous amount of work. That’s absolutely an accomplishment! Most businesses don’t need innovation the sort of innovation that is writing a whole new software. Most need the sort of small innovations that come along with “hey, our invoicing software is way out of date, what’s the smoothest way to transition it that’ll be effective for both us and our customers”.

    6. Leaving academia*

      I’m also having self doubt type issues around updating my resume! It’s fine to think “of course these policies needed updating,” but you still are the one who did it! They could have been updated by someone else, but they were updated by you.

    7. Rook*

      Adding indoor plumbing to an existing structure is a huge undertaking, though! Those absolutely sound like resume-worthy accomplishments. Just because you’re not the first to do something doesn’t mean you aren’t making changes that will be helpful and important :)

    8. TheGirlintheAfternoon*

      I do a LOT of resume review in my current job, and if you told me you did all of this and it WASN’T reflected on your resume, I would start re-writing it on the spot. Modernizing an entire office’s worth of systems to reflect current best practices is not a small task!

    9. Busy Middle Manager*

      This is interesting, I think you’re onto something. If I was still a hiring manager and got a resume from someone who was saying things like “switched to digital mailings” or “created customer databases” in the 2020s, I’d think they were out of touch at worst, or simply don’t have up to date skills at best.

      You absolutely need to come up with some accomplishment that is a bit more technical/requires the most up to date skills, then give that more space on your resume!
      Can you also hint at things being out-of-date in your resume? Hopefully it clearly says “revamped out-of-date processes”

      This is also a case where cover letters are great, despite the internet hating them. You can drop a line about wanting to work on more modern initiatives or more complicates issues

      1. Drought*

        Couple of things I’ve learned in my 30’s:

        Own your accomplishments.
        Don’t tell on yourself.
        Don’t be humble for the sake of it.

        In your case that looks like saying something like:
        Increased client retention 15% and purchases 25% by streamlining deliverable communication using calendly.

        And not fudging it up like:
        Assisted in implementing the improvement to client communication by using calendly.

      2. Jennifer @unchartedworlds*

        I think you could maybe address that by framing it with a sub-heading which indicates the context. Not saying this is the actual language, but in a shape like
        “Implemented replacements for old systems:
        A replacing B
        C replacing D” etc.
        That combined with the timescale would indicate that they weren’t your old systems being superseded.

    10. Distractinator*

      You not only updated all the systems, you evaluated the old ones, used your modern strategic knowledge to suggest potential improvements, identified all feasible areas for upgrade, prioritized the action list based on ease of implementation and amount of impact, and then made everything happen. It’s not about whether you enabled something nobody else could have imagined doing, it’s about the fact that you actually did it, AND did it well, and as previously stated, there are lots of subtasks embedded there, that are definitely worth bragging about.

    11. WantonSeedStitch*

      Honestly, updating incredibly ancient processes is a huge accomplishment, and it’s sometimes harder to do that than it is to innovate when you’re somewhere that’s already operating with modern practices, policies, and procedures. Things get ENTRENCHED. You need to be able to see things holistically: it’s not adding indoor plumbing to a house, it’s a gut rehab.

    12. Yes And*

      Also don’t underestimate how these accomplishments speak to your change management skills. In most cases like yours, you run into people who insist, “But we use chamber pots here! It’s just how things are done!” Navigating those barriers of inertia and sclerosis is an accomplishment in itself. I’d say the fact that you were bringing indoor plumbing to a company that had resisted it for so long makes your accomplishments MORE impressive, not less.

    13. beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk-ox*

      Updating ancient processes — even when the updates are relatively simple or obvious — still generally requires:
      •Recognizing a change is necessary and possessing the knowledge to know what that change should be
      •The ability to plan the change process
      •The ability to implement the changes in a way that isn’t overly disruptive or confusing
      •Communicating and working with other people and groups to ensure the changes are understood and aren’t making things harder for others

      A lot more goes into these sorts of changes than just flipping a switch — as I’m sure you know! Definitely list those changes and any resulting efficiency improvements!

    14. Just my thoughts*

      You can definitely use these. As an example:
      Spearheaded Transition and Modernization: Successfully assumed responsibilities from a predecessor with over 30 years of tenure, introducing innovative solutions and modern workflows to enhance efficiency and service delivery.
      Revamped Legacy Systems: Replaced outdated FileMaker Pro processes with streamlined, efficient systems, drastically reducing time spent on form generation and client documentation.
      Customized Stakeholder Calendars: Created tailored calendar solutions for various categories of stakeholders, improving organization and communication across teams.

    15. Na$ty Larry*

      Can you quantify in some way the time and/or money saved by chance and list something like Modernized internal processes to increase efficiency by x% or y% savings?

      Also — nobody needs to know the extent to which the processes were out of date in your resume! That’s something you can think about how to talk about in more detail when asked in your interview. Sometimes it really takes an outsider coming in to shake things up and make your business better and being the type of person who can convince their boss to make necessary changes is a good thing!!

    16. Cocobolo Desk*

      Popping back in to thank you all for the kind and thoughtful perspective. I love this community.

  6. Anne Elliot*

    How much do people actually work? I work remotely and give myself 1 hour per day to do not-work (the equivalent of a lunch break), usually spread out in small chunks… 5 minutes to zone out/doodle, 10 minutes to read Ask a Manager, etc. When these small breaks add up to more than an hour, or when it’s 3pm on a Friday and I really don’t feel like working, I take less time off the next work day to make up for it or I use some of my “Sick/Personal” time off to cover it. But recently a few of my friends mentioned that when they have a slow Friday, they don’t make up/cover the time. Am I being needlessly scrupulous? When we say that most white-collar workers work 8 hours with a 1-hour lunch, how much of that 7 hours is actual work?

    1. Magda*

      If you put in like 3-4 solid hours of work in a day, I wouldn’t use any PTO or make the time up. In my role, a lot of my time is either a) mulling things over or b) being available to respond to things if they come up. That doesn’t necessarily “look” like working in that I’m typing into my computer, but the org made the decision to bring on a full time person to cover the role.

      1. FricketyFrack*

        This is my outlook on it – there are days where there really isn’t anything to do. Occasionally there will be a project with no deadline that I can work on in slow times, but sometimes my job is just to be available if anything does come in, and I never get into anything I can’t immediately drop, but I also don’t feel the need to make up those hours.

        1. Emerald 777*

          I own a store/repair centre and it’s expecially true. There are days when there is almost nothing to do (few customers and few repairs, the store is clean and the merchandise is on the shelves, no admin work etc) and days where there isn’t even time to breathe. I think you are too scrupolous, since I guess even in those short breaks you can still be contacted.

    2. AvonLady Barksdale*

      This is very job/company/position dependent. I am pretty senior and can make my own schedule for the most part, and sometimes days are slow so I don’t work much. I don’t make up the time– I’m paid to be available and responsive, and I’m also paid for my expertise. Sometimes I will stay at my desk later if I have a midday doctor’s appointment or something, but unless something is pressing that’s not necessary. As long as I meet my timelines (which I have a say in setting), no one is monitoring my schedule.

      It was different when I was more junior. I felt like I had to be busy most of the day. But in my role, which is pretty reactive, sometimes you just have a slow day, and as long as I’m at my desk, I’m not concerned about making up any time.

    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Our official policy for salaried folk is that as long as you work five hours in a day, the rest of the day doesn’t have to be made up, with the caveat that of course your overall work level still has to be up to expectations and you can’t literally peace out after five hours every day. (It’s unlikely that a full time employee COULD successfully do the work of a full time job, at least in my department, if they were only working 25 hours a week.) So if I have a slow day or an appointment every once in a while, I don’t worry about it.

    4. ThatGirl*

      It really depends on the week for me. I’ve given myself a little more grace this week, and I also don’t have as much going on. For salaried/non-hourly positions, my calculus is this:

      – am I meeting deadlines?
      – is anyone else dependent on me getting something done?
      – am I responsive to emails and Teams messages within a reasonable amount of time?

      If I can say yes/no/yes to those, then I allow myself some slack. I wouldn’t take PTO for small breaks or quiet Friday afternoons.

      1. Ama*

        When I was full time remote that was pretty much my calculus. I also figured the weeks that I maybe wasn’t 100% focused on work for 7 hours each day evened out with the weeks that I worked 9 or 10 hours a day and shortened my lunch to get a bunch of time-sensitive work done.

        I only took PTO if I wanted to completely disconnect from work and not answer any Teams/emails.

    5. Tradd*

      I’m in the office 8-5, with one hour unpaid lunch. Those 8-5 hours are required. There’s always something to do. We are not remote or hybrid. I hear people talking about even in-office jobs where they can come and go, and I’m just amazed.

      1. ThatGirl*

        Some of us have boring computer-based jobs with deadlines that are mostly not urgent. There’s a huge variety of jobs out there.

        1. Bitte Meddler*

          Yeah, mine is an exciting [to me] computer-based job with deliverables and deadlines, and as long as I meet those, it doesn’t matter when or where I do the work.

          Note: I *do* need to meet with people to get 30-40% of my work done, and that needs to be during their normal business hours. I work with people across 11 time zones, so I inherently need to be flexible in my work hours.

    6. English Rose*

      I think of it as what are reasonable results rather than specific time chunks. As Magda says, ‘mulling’ time isn’t necessarily productive in the moment, but valuable.
      And I’m guessing most of us have work ideas when we’re not in working hours. Sometimes when that happens I’ll jot down the idea and spend a bit of non-work time thinking about it.
      So long as our work output is good, that’s the main thing.

    7. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      Largely depends upon the work! If I’m having to wade through code or logs then I’ll take more breaks than if the call queue is flooded and the servers are down.

      If it’s a Q day (do not use the quiet word out loud in IT) then by all means have more downtime and I don’t believe you need to make up the hours at all.

      But don’t neglect your breaks. Your brain needs them!

    8. Nonsense*

      I definitely don’t put in 40, and I think most decent workplaces realize that. I always make sure I’m available and I keep my laptop near me when I’m home, but on slow days… well, I started some sourdough this morning. I’ve taken midday naps and showers before. Back in the worst of Covid we had a virtual conference and I booted that up on my laptop and played Civ VI on my personal computer.

      I’m salary, but we charge to projects so I do have to account for my hours each week. The thing is, I know our project hours are inflated, our clients know our project hours are inflated, and most importantly of all, when I’m working those projects, I’m both quick and good.

      People are not productive for 8 hours straight in a day – we’ve got decades of research supporting that by now. Me taking an hour on a Friday to mix up some sourdough helps reset my mind and approach my work with a clearer head to churn out a better product.

    9. Socks*

      Definitely ease up on yourself! A few short breaks here and there PLUS your lunch time is perfectly normal.

    10. OrdinaryJoe*

      I’d say I work, during a normal week with no deadlines or major issues, a solid 30 hours even though I’m ‘full time’. Based on conversations with friends, that seems in the norm. I don’t put down the missing 10 hrs and figure I make up for it when I do work over, weekends, travel time (I fly 2-3 times a month), etc. I make all my deadlines, keep all the balls in the air, and week to week, that doesn’t require 40 hrs :-)

      It also helps that I work from home so laundry, grocery shopping, general clean up, stuff I can stop easily and check emails or answer calls.

      1. Mockingjay*

        I’m similar, remote and full-time. (There was a very interesting thread a year or two ago about how much work people actually do and the ethics of doing more or less; I’ll try to find the link.)

        I’m older and experienced (nearing retirement), so I finish routine tasks in a lot less time that it takes junior colleagues to do. But I’m also on-call to handle complex projects and issues; those weeks I’m easily 40+ hours. Do I pitch in for overflow tasks and to assist my teammates? Of course. But I also have to keep some slack so I’m available for the pop-up problem projects.

    11. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I agree with everyone else that it depends on your work load, but I’d say you’re being needlessly scrupulous. If you were in the office, I assume you wouldn’t be asking yourself if you should be making up the 10 minutes you talked to Gene about his fly fishing or the 5 minutes you spent walking to the kitchen on the other end of the building just because you took an hour for lunch.

      I think there are also studies out there that show that 7hrs is well over the maximum amount of time you can spend and still be productive, so I think that’s another reason not to nickle and dime yourself on how you spend your time.

      1. Anne Elliot*

        My last job was hybrid and I did track those sorts of things! Time talking to a coworker I didn’t count against my lunch hour, but time in the kitchen by myself I did track. However, my last job was consulting and we had to bill in 15-minute increments, so that was a big reason I was so careful. From everyone else’s responses, I think that maybe got into my head a bit.

    12. Paige Danger*

      No advice, just wanted to say that it’s so refreshing to hear perspectives from white-collar workers who are not in consulting-type jobs. I have only ever worked in consulting since starting my career, because that’s where most of the jobs are in my profession, and it’s easy to forget that not all office jobs are like this. (A paid 1-hour lunch break? That’s included in your 8-hour workday?? Unthinkable!) Even though I’m technically salaried, I’m expected to charge 40 hours per week to projects (or training, or overhead tasks etc.) and use PTO or make up time missed for any appointments.

    13. Jen*

      How do people handle this when hours get billed directly, or when all your work is project work with a set time budget? In my previous job this was a huge source of stress for me, because I felt I did have to make up anything but very short breaks, and I never really figured out what the solution was supposed to be.

      1. Generic Name*

        The solution is to work more than 40 hours routinely, go to “part time” so you can actually work 40 hours, or get out of consulting. (I was a consultant for 15 years)

      2. kalli*

        Smaller units – if you’re billing in 6 minute units and take a 6 minute break, then that hour is 9 units. It can also help to have set ‘relative’ amounts for specific tasks, like 1 unit = 1/4 page or 11 lines; this form is 10 units for preparation etc, because then you can budget those and delegate them or go ‘this is 10 units’ and if it’s done in 30 minutes that’s 30 minutes left towards breaks.

      3. Bitte Meddler*

        At my last company, we pegged our time to the projects we were working on. When I first started, I asked why there wasn’t a space for “Downtime”. The boss told me that those extra hours were baked into the budgeted hours for any given project.

        So if a project was budgeted 1000 hours for fieldwork, everyone understood that 200 hours would be downtime / non-productive time.

    14. Generic Name*

      When I was a consultant, I would put in 1 hour of sick time when I had a 1 hour telehealth appointment, for example, because we were expected to bill hours in 15-minute increments, even though we were salaried. Now that I’m salaried in industry (and don’t get any overtime), if I have errands or a doctor appointment, I don’t put in PTO or anything. There are plenty of weeks where I work more than 40, and I’m supporting projects in 4 time zones, which means I can be in meetings/calls from 6:30 am to 6 pm sometimes, so it gets balanced out.

    15. Harlowe*

      ~60 hours for me. I regularly have meetings spanning up to 14 hours, due to working closely with APAC colleagues (not meaning that I have back-to-back meetings through that entire time, but that I will often have one at 0700 and another at 2000). I work most weekends. I have absolutely no qualms about taking a few hours for a doctor’s appointment, or signing off early on Friday if I get the chance.

    16. RagingADHD*

      An important part of my job is being responsive to urgent requests or waiting for approvals on things that need to move forward.

      If I am done with deadlines and “engaged to wait” and monitor for incoming requests, I don’t take PTO or unpaid breaks just because there aren’t any requests coming in.

      Yes, there is non-deadline driven work I could be doing for training, process improvements, future planning, cleaning out my inbox, etc. But I don’t feel like I have to occupy every single moment as long as I am keeping on top of deadlines & requests, and making reasonable weekly progress on the long-term stuff.

    17. Tea Monk*

      It depends. I certainly have days where nothing gets done like the time I had covid and only worked an hour a day ( covid lasts too long for sick time, so I’m just considered ‘ working’ if I do anything) but I also have a lot of 10 hour days and uncompensated mandatory fun, so it all works out in the end.

    18. Bike Walk Barb*

      My schedule is officially work 8 hours and have a 1-hour lunch, meaning it’s a 9-hour day. I block my lunch on my calendar and treat it as a commitment same as any other meeting most days. My time isn’t billable or charged to projects.

      No one should work straight through for that many hours. If I have a lot of thinking and writing to do I use the pomodoro method: Set a timer, work 25 minutes, take a few minutes. Those minutes could be moving laundry loads over or walking 2-3 brisk laps around my neighborhood loop. While I’m walking I’m still working; my brain is noodling on things and doing some subconscious marinating. I do some of my best writing after a walk, not in the last few minutes before I take it. Those breaks aren’t “not working”–they’re helping me be healthy and effective and able to work.

      My workload varies enough that sometimes I may be processing less important email in the evening while I’m watching TV with my husband. That’s not “on the clock” time to me, but it takes care of work tasks and helps me give mental permission to cut myself slack when needed. I may also be working late into the evening at times to meet a deadline. My agency would allow me to do “schedule adjust” time to make up for that but I don’t do that in a formal way. I’m salaried and I’m supposed to get the work done.

      If I have some of those late evenings around a week in which I just don’t have any juice left at 3pm on a Friday, I figure it all comes out in the wash. I don’t fully log off and stop answering email at that point; I do little catch-up things like a required training or organizing electronic files. If I have a lot of those long days I do block an afternoon so no one puts a meeting into that space my brain needs for recovery.

      I’m also 100% teleworking so I’m not giving time to office socializing that would cut into work hours. As someone else noted, no one would ding you for the hallway chats unless you spent the whole day chatting and didn’t get a reasonable amount of work done.

    19. Anax*

      I usually do about 5-6 hours of “actual” work – the rest is naps, knitting breaks, or low-priority stuff like reading through emails. (I nap a lot and I’m grateful for the flexibility; disability is… fun.)

      On a Friday, I might sometimes only get 2-3 hours of “real” work in, if I’m worn out from the week or things are slow.

      Work is wildly happy with me, I’m one of the most productive folks on my team, so I don’t feel bad at all. This pace feels sustainable and I’m getting done everything I need to, so… everyone’s happy.

    20. 653-CXK*

      WFH since 2020…on a regular day, I take an hour lunch, but sometimes I take a five to ten minute sanity break if I’m not extremely busy. On Fridays, I’ve scheduled time to take care of items that have been outstanding, e.g. phone calls, mailings, projects, etc.

      1. 653-CXK*

        To flesh out the answer more…if I’m working on a project that requires a lot of attention, the work day will be at least six hours plus or minus time to answer emails. If I have meetings that last an hour, it’s five to six hours. If I’m not busy at all, I’ll spend some time updating things, answering emails, etc. which takes about four.

        Then, there are the sanity breaks. I take about three to five minutes to defocus, and then go back and focus on what I was doing. If there are interruptions during the day, I’ll factor those in too.

    21. Mom of Two Littles*

      Hmm my work is cyclical and hybrid so I’d say that during slow times I work 25 hours a week, normal period is 30-35, and busy periods are 40-50.

      Busy and slow periods are probably the equivalent to eight weeks each per year.

    22. not nice, don't care*

      I just ran some stats on an element of my job that lets me average out my workload (that cycles between ‘I could work 24/7 and still be overwhelmed’ and ‘it’s so dead I can’t remember the last time someone submitted a request ticket’.
      I spend roughly 4.8 hours a day on the core function of my job. I feel pretty good about the remainder going for meetings, projects, and recharging on AAM and other faves. It’s hard to ignore the feeling that I should be full steam all day err day, but seeing numbers helps a lot.

    23. thelettermegan*

      back in the old office days, there were always moments and sometimes whole days where even the most productive teams would get pulled into some sort of goofy office-olympics style project just to spontaneously bond, let off steam, find a little motivation, or feel a sense of control. Good managers know when to intercede and when to just order cupcakes and continue the good vibes.

      Most jobs will also be a combination of ‘time proactively working productively’ and ‘time reacting productively’ – there will be times when the former will be impossible, for whatever reason, but you’ll still be available for the latter, and be providing value. On call time should be paid time.

      1. Mad Harry Crewe*

        Yeah exactly. My employer pays for my knowledge and problem-solving skills to be available to my colleagues and to our customers. Sometimes that means I’m answering a bunch of questions. Sometimes that means crickets – but I’m still available if a question or a ticket comes in.

    24. Emperor Kuzco*

      I’m in office full time so my experience varies slightly from yours, but there are plenty of days where things are slow so I read AAM, articles related to my field of work, etc. I consider myself being open and available to anyone who needs help as part of my job (I work in IT helpdesk), so even if I’m not really working, I’m still here and ready for work. If that makes sense.

    25. wowzers*

      It seems like you are asking about two (or even 3) different things – you say you don’t feel like working and so you use your PTO if you decide you’re done at 3pm on Friday. Your friends are saying if they have a slow day, they don’t make up the time or take PTO. Then you also ask how much work is anyone really doing in 7 hours a day. I’ll leave aside this last one because I think this is a bigger and different question.

      I think PTO/sick time is for when you do not want to/cannot work and will not be available to work. I do not think PTO/sick time is for when you are available to work, but there is not any work to do.

      If your job is the kind where you are paid to wait for work (like you monitor an inbox for clients), then yeah – if you are logging off at 3pm and no longer waiting for work, then I’d use PTO. If your job is the kind where workload ebbs and flows, you know what’s waiting to be done, and none if it needs to be done today – then I wouldn’t use PTO for taking off at 3 because if the work ebbs and flows you’ll make up the hours later anyway.

    26. RussianInTexas*

      My work is very much dependent on incoming stuff, and sometimes it’s just slow. So I don’t actually work when there is no work. I don’t make it up. It is not my fault there is no work to work.
      I also do not mark shorter doctor’s appointments or quick errands as “personal” or “out of the office, nor I make them up, unless it’s something like half a day. As long as all my work is done, I do not feel the need.
      I am remote and salaried.

      1. RussianInTexas*

        And it’s actually 8 hours of work + unpaid lunch. 8-12, 1-5. My work, while salaried, makes everyone check in and out, and do the same for lunch. We are required to be present for 40 hours minimum. They don’t track this precisely for the WFH folks, so we can all occasionally run errands. While I was working in the office, I would just browse internet during slow times. So it’s not like I would never get slow times during the office times, nor would I make them up.

    27. kalli*

      I’m 0.2FTE but if I start late or I have to take a longer break I make up the time. If I put on my timesheet that I did four hours, then I did 3hrs and 40 minutes, even if that was over six hours.

      For example, today I started at 12:30pm and took a break 13:45-13:55, and 16:15-17:00, and my shift was 5.5 hours, so when I sat back down at 17:00 I was like, right, I have done three hours, I need to work another 2.5hrs, and so that’s what I did.

      If the actual *work* is slow and I don’t have a lot to do, then I have permission from work to knit, game or read as I’m waiting for tasks to come in, but I’m there and present for my required time. If it’s *me* that’s slow, I make sure that I am focused and present for the amount of time on my timesheet.

      This is, of course, considering actual breaks. Getting a drink, going to the toilet, eating at my desk, going through six links to find the one I need etc. aren’t counted as my formal breaks. If I take 4 minutes to do a sudoku while I’m waiting for something to load, that’s not a break, because I’m still active and if Outlook wasn’t frozen while this 85MB brief loaded, I would be responsive, and when it loads and I can rename it, I am there ready to do so. If I was like ‘right this is going to take a while to load’ and I went and made my lunch, that would be a break, because I’m not engaged in work and I’ll just rename it when I get back.

      (And yes, I have to load the entire document to rename it.)

      Things that I am also meant to count as work: waiting 40 mins for the program to open, fixing the computer when the software breaks (again), waiting on live chat for tech support, when I’m scheduled to be working and the internet is down, going to the library to see if I can find a book to teach myself excel, teaching myself excel from some random website, and converting 7000 pages of medical images to PDF.

      But they get x hrs of me at the computer doing things, even if that’s actually y hours in total.

      I don’t think you’re being needlessly scrupulous, but I would challenge whether your not-work is the same as your friends’, and whether their work and their break requirements are the same as yours. It is in my contract that I get two 10 minute breaks within every 4 hours; that’s an accommodation because I get pain from sitting up too long due to osteoporosis, but if it’s a good day I still have to take them, and they have to be 10 minutes in a block away from the computer; they can’t be microbreaks. If I work 5 hours I have to have a 30 minute break at that 5 hr mark and they have to pay me overtime if I don’t take it before 6hrs, so I have to take at least 30 minutes in a row away from my desk; that’s a legal requirement that people in other kinds of roles don’t necessarily get, or may get in a different format. If I spread out my breaks like you and took 4 x 5 minute breaks over 4hrs, then my work would be in trouble because I didn’t get my contracted breaks. (I’d also probably be in pain, but that’s not unusual.) But a lot of people don’t have that kind of specificity around their breaks, or as long as their tasks are done they can flex their time in the way you describe, especially if they’re salaried and not hourly.

    28. Pokemon Go To The Polls*

      If you’re getting your work done, you’re getting your work done, don’t worry about taking a few minutes to get some fresh air or a snack or something.
      Certainly don’t use PTO to make up for it!
      Especially if you’re Salary (at least in the US), it’s generally accepted that some weeks will be more than 40, some weeks less, and it balances out and you’re an adult who can manage your time.
      They’re not just paying you for your work output, but your availability to take on additional work tasks, answer questions, etc etc. If you always had 40 hours of work a week that always had to be completed that week, how would any emergencies get handled? What if you were having a slow day? Or the computers were having issues? It’s just not realistic.
      Even in an office there’s time lost on non-work tasks like getting coffee, answering Gary’s question about what a password is, somebody brought in doughnuts, etc etc.

    29. DJ*

      I work somewhere that has flexible working hours so when working from home can track these as I would if working from an office. Of course I’ll pop upstairs to put on a load of washing or hang/take off washing from the clothesline. And let the cat in let the cat out let the cat in let the cat out… But I see that as being no different to ducking out to buy a take a way coffee, lengthy non work related chat to a colleague etc if I was in the office. I’m more productive at home with no interruptions.
      Appreciating WFH I’m also happy to do quick responses to messages out of hours and on the train when commuting without recording that time.
      No one does 100% work during a work day even in the office. How many ppl use work time to pay a bill online, do personal business etc?

    30. Lifelong student*

      I always look for more efficient ways to do my job- work smarter, not longer has been my mantra. If i can do something more efficienctly, either I have time to add a task or I have time which is not devoted to working- while still being present to do anything which comes up. I have had jobs where something always comes uo and jobs where nothing comes up. When crunch time comes or a project requires extra hours in a week, I did whatever needed to be done to get it done without a problem. Worked for me!

    31. Aggretsuko*

      I really switch back and forth between meetings/emails/working on documents and whatnot when things are urgent, and looking at other stuff when I am burned out or things are not urgent or I’m waiting on others to be able to progress. I tend to need to bounce around in the workload to keep focused/not get bored with one thing, so that’s why.

    32. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

      Usually if you work 8 hours it does not include the lunch hour – technically I would be clocked for 8.5 hours with a .5 hour lunch

      January, February, most of March, May, July, August, October – I probably work at least 7.75 out of the 8 even though I am entitled to paid breaks in the morning and afternoon by law I rarely take them.

      The other months I might have isolated days that are pedal to the metal like that but other days are light. If I have a WFH day and it is a light day I make sure I stay on top of things, but will also do laundry, cook, etc. and it is fine.

    33. Lady Sally*

      Guess it varies by industry/company. In my industry we record our time in 6 minute increments. You can put time to “emails” or “billing” or whatever if it’s not billable, but you definitely have to account for 40 hours a week.
      If you take off early you have to record with PTO.
      Appreciate the user name!

    34. Stoppin' by to chat*

      Agreed that you are being ” needlessly scrupulous.” Unless your role involves coverage or something like that, are you getting your deliverables done, keeping work moving forward, etc? Then allow yourself the wiggle room.

    35. Ron McDon*

      Just as a counterpoint to most of the other comments – I work in healthcare admin, work a 7.5 hour day (plus a 30 min unpaid lunch break), and we are expected to be working all day long, non stop.

      I mean, I can grab a coffee, have a quick chat with a passing colleague, go to the loo etc, but we are expected to be slogging away for our entire 7,5 hour shift.

      Every job I’ve had has had the same expectation, whatever industry.

      I’m in the UK, if that makes a difference?

  7. BellaStella*

    I have colleagues in US Gov who are going to be out of jobs in January. I have not reached out yet but what would you say, after knowing and talking about a hoped for result that did not materialise? I want to say I am sorry but not sure on this.

    1. Anne Elliot*

      I think it’s fine to say you’re sorry. If I were them, I’d be really sorry and glad to have someone validate that! Similar to how you would respond to a layoff, this is someone who is out of a job through no fault of their own and they might like to hear that you valued their work, that you wish them well, and that you are also sad for how things turned out.

      1. Grits McGee*

        Totally agree- just simple validation (“I’m sorry this happened and that you are facing a lot of stress and anxiety right now”) is so powerful. I’m a fed and people in my office are either catastrophizing or trying to cheer people up by saying things will be ok, and neither is particularly helpful or kind.

    2. AvonLady Barksdale*

      Saying you’re sorry is ok, and if you’re in a position to do so, offer to help them with their job search. But make that a quick offer. “Let me know if you’d like any help with your resume,” for example, and then let it go.

    3. I'm A Little Teapot*

      When I had a mini meltdown over text earlier this week, the response I got was “I am here for you”. Doesn’t seem helpful, but it actually really was. Probably the best response I could have gotten.

      The situation sucks. You can’t fix it. Just acknowledge it. Being seen is important, and helpful.

    4. Yes And*

      I think it depends. If they’re political appointees, they know that losing their job with a change of administration is a risk of the field they’re in, and hopefully they’ve already built it into their career planning. (Even if Harris had won, she would have wanted her own people in a lot of positions, and some of Biden’s people would not have been renewed.) In these are political appointees, you may be overthinking this.

      On the other hand, if they’re career civil servants who had counted on a stable job which is now uniquely threatened due to Trump’s Schedule F plans… oof, I don’t know. We’re all in uncharted waters here. The deliberate dismantling of the administrative state is going to be really hard on almost everyone. But federal civil servants are going to feel it first.

  8. Magda*

    I’m trying to figure out how to respond to a pushy former coworker. This person was fired two months ago. Our org is too wishy-washy and may not have made it clear to her why – knowing them, they blamed funding, although I sat in meetings where they said they didn’t want the program to continue and didn’t think this employee was good. It’s not my fault if they communicated poorly with her, though – we are peers, this is not my circus. She still calls me asking for updates and trying to brainstorm ways to get funding again. Texts me asking “when I can talk.” She applied for an open role and wants me to put in a good word for her, but honestly I didn’t work closely with her and, although I like her as a human being and wish her well, don’t have strong opinions about needing her to come back. What are some scripts to kindly exit myself from this situation? I’m job searching myself and I think she should do the same rather than trying to figure out how to come back, but that’s beyond my control (and also I’ve said it explicitly to her).

      2. MsM*

        Or more explicitly, “I really don’t have any insight or influence on this issue.”

        Honestly, though, OP, I’m not sure why you can’t just tell her that your understanding is that there isn’t any internal/leadership support for the project, and you don’t see that changing. You don’t need to tell her you have any kind of clue why that is. If she still refuses to listen, then just say you’ve given your advice and don’t have anything further to offer, and ignore/block if that’s not enough to get her to move on.

    2. StressedButOkay*

      Hopefully a cheerful “I really wish you all the best here – and other places you’re looking – but I don’t have any insight on the funding/job position and won’t have any in the future” will help.

    3. Friday Hopeful*

      There are many good responses here, but also – you are absolutely not obligated to respond to her at all. After this amount of time I’d just start ignoring her.

    4. Emperor Kuzco*

      “Hey, sorry you’re having to deal with this job situation, but I don’t have the bandwidth right now to continue this discussion. You can try reaching out to ____ or ___ but I’ve got some personal priorities I need to focus on so I can’t help you further. Good luck with everything!”

  9. Nia*

    Apropos of nothing how does one go about an international job search? My, very brief not at all thorough, investigation turned up nothing but job postings that were explicit they would not sponsor a visa. People do it all the time though, so clearly someone is sponsoring visas.

    1. Tio*

      Most of the visa sponsorships I have seen are either explicitly exchange programs (I.e. the JET program for English language teaching in Japan) or internal sponsorships. For example, my current company routinely sponsors people over to the global head office in Germany or sometimes in special cases to one of our other countries’ offices, but would basically never sponsor an external hire. It’s a lot to ask for an unknown person that they could just as easily hire locally without the paperwork – and I believe, but am not certain, some countries might actually have restrictions around that, such as not hiring under a visa if the job can be hired locally.

      1. Bitte Meddler*

        Never have I ever been more grateful to work for a global German company that would most likely sponsor me if I asked to move over there.

    2. BellaStella*

      Do you have language skills? Are you in a role where there are firms in other countries who need that role? Do your skills match to a job shortage (say teaching or nursing) in a country sponsoring visas like NZ or CA? Are you under 40?

    3. Nonny*

      Hah, I was looking too. Heavily depends on a) your passport, b) your industry. Some countries have a system for highly qualified/experienced workers (like Australia) but very specific requirements (and they probably continued tightening those since I left). Depending on your industry/role, you’ll have an easier or harder time, generally speaking. I believe an easier route would be recruiters, though I’ve mostly seen them for industries like finance, IT/tech, construction, engineering, and potentially teaching.

      I’m tempted myself to pick up and go and see what I can get while I’m there, but…

      1. Nia*

        I am in IT/tech but I’m pretty sure not the right type. I’ve never worked for an actual tech company.

        1. Nonny*

          It’s always worth a look! But I’d do some heavy research on visa requirements, and like a commenter mentions below if there’s a skilled occupations list or similar, that’s half the battle, your experience and skills can get scored etc… I’d also look into some international recruiting companies specializing in IT/tech, hopefully you can talk to someone with knowledge who can be upfront about the realities of the search etc.

          Good luck to us both.

    4. Aloy*

      Unless you have a specialized skill that would be hard to find in the country you’re looking in, your best bet is to get in with a global company that has international offices and might sponsor your visa in the future. I work for a Fortune 500 that encourages internal promotions, sponsors visas, and provides relocation reimbursement. However, they only provide these benefits for certain salary levels, and you have to market yourself and network a lot so people know you’re interested. Also you usually can’t be too picky about the first role you move for. Most people I know who have done it have a minimum of 4-5 years with the company.

      1. Alexander Graham Yell*

        This is the best way, IMO. I tried the international job search and I know people it has worked for, but it’s not easy at all and requires a ton of paperwork. Plus a lot of smaller companies with an international footprint have tightened up on who they will sponsor, even when it’s much easier to transfer an employee vs. hire them directly.

        When I worked at my first international company and knew I wanted to move abroad, I made sure my work was immaculate, I had a reputation for being helpful and efficient, and I made a point of networking with people visiting from other offices. My boss + boss’s boss knew my goals, and after about 5 years I had the chance to do a temporary assignment as was given explicit blessing from my boss to find my next job while I was there. I networked hard and only deciding to leave the industry entirely kept me from getting a job.

        With my job now, I basically put my nose to the grindstone for two years and lucked into a situation where my team was merging with a team in Europe and I asked to transfer (with the framing that I would have the experience to answer questions and technical details they’d otherwise have to wait for the US team to be able to respond to – reducing wait time for answers by up to 6 hours and making sure people didn’t get stuck on something they didn’t know and not be able to progress). From day one at the company everybody knew I wanted to move to our HQ, and I worked hard and took language lessons and did everything I could to make myself a qualified candidate.

        Be flexible, market yourself, make sure your reputation is strong, and go for it.

    5. The Prettiest Curse*

      I have moved countries twice and both times didn’t try job searching till after I moved. If you are considering the UK as a potential destination, there is an official shortage occupations list. (I think the Republic of Ireland has a similar list.)

      You are more likely to get visa sponsorship by applying for the roles on the shortage list – I had a colleague in the US with a relative who got UK visa sponsorship this way and also got their family’s relocation expenses covered. The downside is that companies hiring for roles on the shortage occupations list are allowed to pay you 20% less than they would pay a UK resident. (Our new-ish government hasn’t made many major policy changes in this area yet, so regulations could change entirely.)
      Another route is to work for a multi-national company and request an international transfer.

      I’ll post a link to the shortage occupations list in a reply to this comment.

        1. BellaStella*

          Sadly and ironically this list has in the top 5 a high need for people of title Vice President. Which ok is not a federal job there but I cringed a bit seeing it. Thanks for sharing this list tho!

          1. The Prettiest Curse*

            I think the person whose relative I worked with was (mentioned above) was in the video game art/design field – so there was a shortage in that area at least.

            1. kalli*

              Yes, my sister in law basically had a job offer before she even got on a plane, and was able to get sponsored for permanent residency as a graphic designer willing to learn English, and her main job is graphic design and art but she also does localisation into her first language.

              The problem with skilled occupation lists is that they’re just half of the equation – you really need to find a sponsor who needs your specific skills as well. My sister in law was lucky in that she was able to work remotely in her previous job as well while she was in the process of making things happen, but not everyone’s going in on a kind of visa that has that flexibility.

    6. Willow*

      Look at your family background and see if you qualify for citizenship through descent anywhere. I am looking into getting my Canadian citizenship certificate as my mother was born there. Some countries allow citizenship to be passed down several generations.

    7. Banana Pyjamas*

      Depending on the year you graduated and the university you graduated from, you could qualify for an HPI visa to the UK, which is relatively inexpensive, just over 4000GBP. Around 1200 of that is actually savings you are required to have. The visa enables you to look for work, you do not have to have a job as a prerequisite. Google UK hpi visa and the uk.gov page with the information should be the first result.

    8. Chicky*

      I had a friend who moved to the UK from the US by doing a kind of apprenticeship program for a consulting company. They hired people with PhDs who didn’t have experience in industry and trained them. Then she got hired full time from there and eventually stayed long enough to get her permanent residency.

  10. New super*

    I’m going to be a new supervisor come January, when my group gains an intern. I’ve got 6 years of experience and I’ve been somewhat in the role of supervisor to my coworker for the last year – previous group manager left bridges burning when coworker had only been here a week, and it took a while to fill the position – so I’m not totally new to this, but an intern is a really different experience altogether. I’ve been reading Alison’s advice, but what other advice does the commentariat have for me?

    1. Generic Name*

      Don’t assume the intern knows how to use office software. They likely have never used Outlook before, and it would be a kindness to explain the basics. One of my fresh from college coworkers didn’t understand that he would not be notified of emails coming in if Outlook was closed.

      Also, regularly check in on the progress of assigned tasks. You will need to manage them more closely that you yourself need to be managed. Don’t assume they will come to you when they encounter roadblocks or have questions. Be specific about how much you expect them to figure out on their own versus when they need to ask you or a colleague. As in, try to troubleshoot/research something for 30 minutes (or whatever) and then you can ask a coworker for help.

      1. Lily Rowan*

        Yeah, especially for interns, be as explicit as you can be when you explain things or give feedback. Yes, you need to look at your email all the time, and here’s exactly how to do that. Etc. They don’t know!

      2. I'm A Little Teapot*

        Honestly, at this point, don’t assume anyone who doesn’t have several years of experience working knows how to use a computer. Because ALL of the new grads I’ve been working with struggle with a mouse, its just how much.

      3. Snow Angels in the Zen Garden*

        Thirding not making assumptions about using office software. The community college where I formerly worked no longer requires the class because it is assumed students learned in high school or will learn enough during other courses. A more recent colleague wasn’t even required to learn how to touch-type in school.

    2. ThursdaysGeek*

      Treat the intern like a real employee: give them real work, have real work expectations. But let them know that school is still more important, and if they need time off to study, that is fine.

      I’ve worked places where the interns were given fake work that we didn’t care about. And my current job where they are full members of the team, but working part time. This current job is so much better. (Also, the current intern will be starting as a full time employee in a bit over a month!)

      1. Bitte Meddler*

        At the three places I interned at, and then at the companies I have worked for, interns were thrown into the deep end on, like, Day Two.

        “Welcome to the team, please test the two controls I am about to assign to you. They are due in 3 days. Look at last quarter’s / last year’s workpapers to see how to do it. If something doesn’t make sense but you can keep working, make a note of it. If it’s keeping you from working, spend no more than half an hour trying to figure it out before asking someone for help. And, feel free to ask anyone anything. We’ll get suspicious if you don’t have a few dozen questions between now and the end of the week. ;-) ”

        The team culture was such that, as long as it was clear the intern had tried *something* on their own to figure out, literally everyone from the Sr VP on down was happy to help out.

    3. Bike Walk Barb*

      Set up a system early on of touchpoints on projects so you review their plan, an early slice of work, and drafts along the way (or the equivalent depending on the role). They’ll need more guidance and early feedback will help a lot to keep them on track.

      If you can, give them a portfolio-type project that’s worth listing on their resume and mentor them through that.

      If they’re good, tell them you’ll serve as a reference and that you want them to keep you informed of their professional moves after they leave. Do at least one follow-up ping so they know you mean it. I’ve had many interns, tell every one of them this, and have only had one stay in touch. That’s the one who got my glowing referral for an unposted job opening that they interviewed for, got, and then they ended up getting the position of the manager who hired them when that person left. The rest who disappeared? Couldn’t tell you their names now. You’re teaching them how to build and maintain a professional network.

    4. Helping Hand*

      Congrats!

      My general experience with interns is they can do tremendous good, but need a lot of explicit directions. Conceptually, I like establishing a mentor who gets to manage the student (and then develops supervisory skills), have the coop help everyone in the department and have routine check-ins to ensure things don’t go off rails. Things I do:

      1. Assign a Mentor, ideally one of your more senior employees who has expressed interest in managing people.
      2. Have the mentor (with your oversight) develop a work plan for the student. What will they work on the time they’re here? Let the mentor do the plan, your role will be to make sure it’s reasonable (is the plan for the coop to fetch coffee all semester? rejected. Is the plan for the coop to create a new technology? good intentions, but nope. Is the plan to do some of the technical work the mentor would have normally worked on? approved!)
      3. For the work plan, ideally pair the student with other employees of yours. That way, they have their primary mentor, but the rest of the team helps mentor the coop. (i.e. for task 1, Joey will need help on preparing report xyz, for task 2 suzy will need help doing inspections, for task 3 Jeremy will need to arrange for a vendor to come do work, etc.) It takes a village.
      4. Once the coop is here, have weekly 1-1s, asking for feedback, are they being kept busy, what do they want to work on while they’re here.
      5. When you have your 1-1s with your employees, ask them for feedback on the coop. Is the student picking up work well, can they do more? or are they struggling. (This is a perfect moment to teach/have your mentor provide feedback and develop that skillset).

    5. spcepickle*

      Interns are a whole different ball park with management. One of the big things to know is that you have be very explicit with most intern. Many of them have no frame of reference about how employment works. So telling them exactly what you expect, tell them when their behavior is even slightly out of line, tell them what office norms are without them having to infer. Remember you setting them up for success for their whole career.
      You also have to set boundaries, teach them that work is not the same as friends / family.

      Also have fun! Interns are often a breath of fresh air to your office, and some of them bring the best energy. Set time aside to listen to them and give them space to help come up with new ideas.

    6. I didn't say banana*

      Does your workplace have any kind of welcome document/induction manual for interns? If you can, read and update it now. When our first batch of interns started after the pandemic, the document was huge, inaccurate and confusing, it created more questions than it answered.
      If there is no document, see if you can start jotting down a few things – what programs they’ll need to remember passwords for, who to go to for help with what problems, any non negotiable rules for the work (e.g. everything must be reviewed before going to clients, process X must occur before Y can happen).

  11. darlingpants*

    I work primarily on project teams that have different staffing for every project, and I’m wondering if anyone has experience or advice about if and how to avoid working on projects lead by people I don’t think are competent or kind. There’s a range of competence in the project leaders, from people I like working with, to people who I’ve clashed with over timelines and approaches and would prefer not to work with, to someone who I’m pretty sure would make me cry if I ever had to work on his projects (luckily his role is such that I don’t *think* I’ll ever need to). What’s the line that’s appropriate to request or insist that I don’t want to work on a particular project, and does anyone have experience with requesting that? Or is this just part of work to deal with and I need to suck it up?

    1. English Rose*

      How is who works on what currently decided? The only thing I can think of is to keep in close touch with the project leaders you like working with so you’re always aware of what’s coming up for them and can ask to support that project.

      1. Spacewoman Spiff*

        Yeah, this is what I was thinking as well. When I was in a role where staffing worked in a similar way, I was pretty miserable until I found one partner I enjoyed working with. I knew she wanted me on projects, so I made sure to also let her know I was interested in anything she had coming down the line. There were still some managers who cropped up on those projects that I wasn’t happy with, but it was overall a big improvement, and I was able to avoid a lot of bad projects just by being fully staffed months into the future.

        I did one time refuse to work on a project (I just was NOT the right fit for it, I had no knowledge in the appropriate area, and I sort of sensed that my inclusion was tied to some leadership shenanigans in my group). Once I’d gotten a sense for the work, I just flat-out said “I am not the right person and can’t do this work.” But I don’t know that I would recommend this…at the time, I had a grad school offer and knew I would be leaving the company in a few months, so I wasn’t too worried about blowback. I really don’t know how I would have managed it otherwise; I think I would have had to find a way off, but it’s so hard to do that without burning bridges, especially if you work somewhere where you depend on project teams wanting to bring you on to their projects.

    2. Mockingjay*

      We have support teams (I’m on one) that projects can draw from, with task leads to coordinate assignments. Some assignments are simply given to whoever is available. Some are assigned by individual expertise, but not always – we try to cross-train and get people to work on a variety of stuff. There are a few project leads who ask for staff by name. Availability, skills, project longevity – all these are factors in determining assignments. Large projects might get someone assigned full-time (I was on one until recently), but for the most part we get whatever comes in as it comes in.

      Which means, of course, we all get stuck with project leads we’re not overfond of sooner or later. But swapping tasks means we also get breaks from particular persons and we pass on how to get around/along with them: “Bob never checks his email, but if you text him on his work cell, he’ll know to look at the report.” “Susan is dreadful at keeping to timelines, but her task lead will sneak you copies of the schedule so you know when the design is due.”

      But there will be times when you’re just stuck working with that ‘someone.’ The best approach is to be scrupulously professional and document everything in emails, meeting notes, server notes when you upload the latest draft. Take pride in the product or your effort, if not the team.

      1. Jan Levinson Gould*

        Sounds very familiar to my matrix project-based group. A lot depends on someone’s political capital and how highly sought-after they are. I have some say as to who gets assigned. I paid my dues and am senior enough that I can pick and choose my projects, but my direct reports are not senior enough. Usually everyone gets stuck with a turd at some point.

        There’s one project lead in particular that most people don’t like working under. The unlikeable project lead always asks for the strongest A player on my group. I refuse to give the A player to that lead for their projects just to spite that lead whom I also dislike. The A player already spent enough time under that bad project lead so there’s also a need to spread the pain. Other projects are clamoring for that resource too. If other direct reports of mine are on the bench, there’s really no avoiding putting them on a project with the bad lead. The top resource also takes the initiative to come up with special projects during their downtime to keep them off the radar.

    3. Cacofonix*

      Ask someone you respect who works well with worse PMs for tips on working with them more effectively. I got asked this quite frequently because I had learned to work with a lot of difficult people. You could also use a bit of political capital with whomever influences assignments and ask not to be assigned to the worst, if it’s not too inconvenient and you avoid complaining. I’ve agreed to a less interesting project once as a trade off to avoid being on a project with a lead who tanked every project he ran. But learning how to be resourceful and working with others of all types is your best bet.

  12. Keladry of Mindelan*

    I started a new position this week at a university. My supervisor works in a different location and has responsibilities far beyond the scope of my work. I don’t have any colleagues doing the same type of work, my office is tucked away in a remote hallway with various part-time staff in multiple departments (think IT, athletics, and a couple of empty offices). I’ve reached out to 30+ folks across the university who are stakeholders in the work and have gotten a couple of responses. My onboarding was limited to a self-guided online module which primarily discussed benefits.

    I’ve done this work before at another university and am confident in my abilities. However, I haven’t been given the tools or support that I need/would like to get up and running. I need access to files from my predecessor, information related to printing/office supplies/procedures, and just generally have a lot of questions. My supervisor is kind and was very supportive on my first day, but hasn’t responded to emails or Teams messages this week. I’m sure they’re just busy, but I’m feeling very much as though I was put out to sea without the tools to survive. Once I make landfall, I know that I can get myself to a good place, but I don’t know how to get to land on my own.

    Any ideas?

    (FWIW, the university where I worked previously was my alma mater, so I had existing connections and knew my way around all of the systems/knew where to direct my questions. I’m sure it doesn’t help that my isolated office has my ambivert self feeling all kinds of lonely, which I did not anticipate–at my previous institution, I worked directly with students on a daily basis and almost never had a single second alone in my office, which drove me batty…but now I miss it- and them- constantly)

      1. Keladry of Mindelan*

        Mine too!! <3

        Assuming that your name is from Persuasion and perhaps not your real name, I love yours too :)

    2. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Try to find the secret admin network – the non-faculty, non-senior-administrator people who make the university work. Not the stakeholders you’ve reached out to, but the people 1-2 rungs lower on the ladder.

      You probably were in that at your previous job without actually realizing it. The department coordinators, the dean’s EA, etc.

      1. rkz*

        This is what I was thinking – are you part of a department that has an admin? does your supervisor have one? They are usually the key to getting things done in higher Ed.

      2. Blue Pen*

        Yeah, for sure. If they don’t know, then they DEFINITELY know who does and should point you in that direction.

    3. Another commenter on this board, anon for this one*

      If relevant to your situation, I recommend reaching out to other departments for guidance documents on more generic onboarding procedures. I had a situation where one of the better-funded departments had a detailed multi-page document and I adapted from it with their permission when onboarding a new hire in our badly funded department (at a large university).

    4. The teapots are on fire*

      Your supervisor may be the kind of person you have to call. Or if they have a calendar you may have to put yourself on it for a meeting. Academics typically get no training on how to manage, as you probably know, and this may be a person who’s never caught up with email.

        1. Keladry of Mindelan*

          This is so real. Thanks for the perspective.

          My default method of “coping” (heavy emphasis on the quotes) is to throw myself so completely into my work that I do not have the brain space for anything else. It seems I may have neglected to consider that a) not everyone responds that way and b) if this was not my first week in a new job, I would likely be fully embracing my troll-under-the-bridge office location and burying my head in the work so fully that I would forget that anyone else even exists.

          I just don’t have enough to do right now to disappear in the way I would prefer.

          Thank you for the reminder :)

        2. Blue Pen*

          This was my thought, too. Yes, all of us in my office are still “working,” but it’s more of the tiny tasks, monitor-your-email variety than hard work.

        3. Synaptically Unique*

          Yes, this. We’ve accomplished about half of what we expected this week. And instead of catching up this weekend, I feel like I need to stay in bed and sleep.

  14. My Day (they/them)*

    My company just an hour or so ago emailed out a notice that they’re requiring binding arbitration for resolving employee disputes that can’t be resolved internally, excepting a few different kinds of excluded claims/disputes. I’m still reading through and trying to parse the six pages of legalese, but I’ve never been a fan of arbitration policies and preferred to opt out if possible (there is no clause for doing so here that I can see). There is a section that states employees have the right to challenge the policy’s validity without retaliation.

    Is this something normal? Has anyone encountered anything like it before? I suppose I will need to agree if I want to keep working here, but it makes me Tired.

    1. Tradd*

      I think we need some more details. Are you in the US? Do you have an employment contract or belong to a union?

      1. My Day (they/them)*

        Sorry, yes, US-based. No contract or union, I work in cybersecurity. The policy will apply to all US-based employees, including territories.

        1. My Day (they/them)*

          From further reading, the required arbitrator organization is JAMS, if anyone has direct knowledge of them.

    2. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      Quick guess – do they mean something like ACAS? (Sorry I do not know a non-UK equivalent)

    3. Strive to Excel*

      This is going to be very very location-dependent. It’s not uncommon. It’s a way for employers to reduce legal expenses and also reduce employee access to legal counsel.

      Unfortunately your best answer is going to come from a local employment lawyer or legal aid, since they’ll have the best read of the applicable local laws.

      1. My Day (they/them)*

        This is probably the best idea, honestly. I’ll consult my local bar organization and see what I can find out. Thank you!

    4. AnonymousOctopus*

      I encountered this in my last job and it was a huge part of why I left. The company had lost a class action for failing to follow wage/labor laws in one state they were active in. In retaliation they closed operations in that state and brought out the arbitration agreement.

      Enough people refused to sign (because you can’t be forced to sign or fired for not signing without the company giving some consideration ($$$) in return [per a colleague’s lawyer, consult your own]) that the company made a policy that no promotions, transfers, or raises would be approved for a specific employee until they signed it. I held out for 6 months until I gained a new certification that came with a $10k/year pay bump, then got out of dodge asap.

      tl;dr: I consider them a sign that a company has no intention of following relevant laws or dealing with problems proactively, and shows that the company sees employees as adversaries.

    5. Drought*

      This is pretty common in trade secrete jobs, like biotech, pharma, etc.

      I work for an amazing company who really does bend over backwards to do right by its employees and even they have an arbitration clause.

    6. Not Squid*

      Strong chance we work for the same employer based on this comment, so proceeding with that assumption.

      Opt out – in the email itself (not the policy document), it says you need to click to acknowledge and agree OR if you are still employed in 30 days it constitutes acceptance. So unfortunately I think our only way out is to resign or be terminated in the next 29 days. Beyond that, the policy doesn’t sever at termination, so we are SOL except in the handful of cases outlined in the policy where arbitration is superseded by existing governance (e.g., unemployment claims).

      Prohibiting class action should be illegal IMO, and there’s a bunch more in there that I didn’t love. Actively looking to get out but my job is niche and I need to remain mostly or fully remote for medical reasons, so it’s tough finding someplace to land.

  15. Tradd*

    Anyone in your workplace get fired or disciplined about political stuff this week? We generally don’t discuss politics at all in my office. A guy in another dept was ranting about the election and tried to get the other person in my dept to engage. Other person in my dept just turned back to his computer and refused to engage. Didn’t say a word. The ranter then went off the edge. Very verbally abusive. He was walked out a bit ago. I think this was just the last straw, as there had been other issues.

    1. MsM*

      Not yet, but I’m debating whether to remind my too-loud, slightly junior colleague in another department that we mean it when we say we’re nonpartisan myself, or have a chat with his supervisor. (Leaning toward the latter, but she laughed at one of his comments, so I’m not 100% sure that’s going to work out the way I hope it will.)

    2. RagingADHD*

      Would he not have been fired if he lost his shit on a coworker and became verbally abusive about anything else?

      Do you think it was the topic, or his behavior, that caused your company to act? Because if they would have let it slide if it weren’t about politics, they are terrible anyway.

      1. Tradd*

        I’d say it was both. Dude was already pretty snarky in everyday interactions, but this was massively over the top. We do not talk politics. Period. Nothing was said to not talk about them, but that’s the unwritten rule. We do have to talk about some things since we are a freight forwarder/customs broker, so things like tariff increases due to administration changes have to be talked about.

    3. M2RB*

      Thankfully my office was quiet this week. Our VP of HR made an announcement in a monthly staff meeting in September that as election season is heating up, to take any election/political talk outside the office and outside of work hours, and that people have been and will be reprimanded for disregarding that policy. Some talk about energy policy and the economy is required due to the nature of our work, but nothing else should be discussed was the message I took away from her comments & instructions.

      I was grateful for how compliant everyone was in the area where I sit. I’ve stayed out of the lunchroom this week and had minimal non-work conversations this week because I don’t want to get pulled into any conversations in any direction.

    4. Rick Tq*

      We just got an email from HR that someone sent out political mailers using envelopes preprinted with our company information. One got sent back as undeliverable which exposed the use. Nothing was explicitly said in the mail from HR but there were multiple mentions that it violated the company ethical standards, especially the one about speaking for the company without authorization.

      I’m guessing the culprit will be fired if they can be identified.

      1. pally*

        Wow! That’s a ballsy move there! Using company envelopes to send out political missives.

        I always wonder about things like this. Is it just the tip of the iceberg for this kind of activity or was this the only time someone did this? I know; folks won’t ever know the answer to this.

    5. pally*

      I’m in a small office where nearly everyone is pro-Trump.
      Politics are discussed all. the. time. There’s been tears over hurt feelings when someone expresses an opinion that doesn’t agree with Trump’s viewpoints.

      Upper management provided refreshments the day after the election -to celebrate.

      If anyone espouses an opposing point of view, they are chided for their ignorance. Saw it happen with former co-workers.

      So I keeps quiet.

      1. Tired of winning*

        Where do you work? I’d love to work somewhere which isn’t uniformly of the “orange man bad” variety.

          1. Panicked*

            Co-signing. My small workplace employs at least four people who have a green card. Several more are first gen American citizens. The tension here is THICK. And I’m in a blue area of Texas. Go 20 minutes in any direction and it’s one gigantic red zone.

            1. Bananapants Modiste*

              Hubby is a European immigrant here in Florida – the neighbors already acused him of stuff he couldn’t have done. We may have to move.

      2. Veruca Salt*

        This seems like a lack of thoughtfulness on the upper management’s part. In my small office, everyone is on the other side of the spectrum, but we have a no politics rule regardless. It just doesn’t add any bonhomie to our days. Before we agreed to this, we were getting each other all riled up. Plus, our most outspoken clients tend to be of a different political persuasion, and this has made it (somewhat) easier to sidestep those conversations.

        But this is your upper management’s decision, so what recourse do you have but to keep quiet? I definitely feel for you.

        1. pally*

          Thank you.

          I wish there was a “no politics” rule – regardless of what anyone’s politics are.

    6. Yes And*

      A manager at my company got into a social media political argument with a freelancer we’ve employed in the past. And at one point the manager declared that the company would never employ this freelancer again. I don’t know yet what the consequences will be, but… it is not good.

    7. Bananapants Modiste*

      I’m working in a European country where you don’t talk politics at work At.All.
      In meetings on Wednesday, my European colleagues expressed mild pity for me. That is considered a lot.

    8. I should really pick a name*

      I’m hoping that behaviour would be an issue regardless of the subject matter.

    9. carrot cake*

      No one got fired that I know of, but you can just feel the “Oh crap, what’s gonna happen now?” vibe.

      We’re all scared.

      1. TheBunny*

        I feel this.

        I keep work and personal separate and really haven’t discussed it at work…but go to my FB or IG and it’s quite clear what I’m thinking.

  16. Caprica*

    My organization gives out forty awards each year, distributed into twenty categories with one award going to the most deserving man and one award going to the most deserving woman. (Obviously, this is done by gender identity.) We’re looking at reworking it to include non-binary employees, but we’re coming up with a few snags. Namely that they are less than twenty out NB employees at the company. Would it be awkward to have an award category that didn’t include an NB winner that year due to a smaller pool to select from? Each award has a cash component so we don’t want to double up: one employee gets one award. Conversely, what if it’s an award that can’t be filled by the small pool (for example, award for highest sales but none of them are salespeople). Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Eliminate the overall gender distinction? I assume this was implemented because there was a stark gender divide between roles in the past, or a significant old-boys network – has the organization progressed to the point that those old structures don’t apply anymore?

        2. ecnaseener*

          So in effect, women actually have a much higher individual chance than men at winning? (3x as likely if they’re 25% of the company, over 5x as likely if they’re 15%.) Doesn’t that cause its own legal issues? Obviously it’s fine (good in fact!) to have some special awards dedicated to women in the field, but for a routine employee of the month thing I’d think everyone should have a roughly equal chance at winning.

      2. Tio*

        Yeah, can you just make it the top two or three employees? or would that make it so that statistically it’s always going to men?

          1. evens*

            Maybe women don’t deserve an award if they aren’t the highest performing people, assuming it’s the same role. Just ditch the gender distinctions and give it to the highest performing. That’s better anyway.

            1. Wilbur*

              I think there’s a distinction between performance and impact. Performance is something the employee can control, but impact might not be. Someone might be in a position to save the company millions because of market conditions or which projects they happen to be assigned, but their performance on that project might not be any better than their coworkers. There are plenty of professions (engineering for example) where there might not be woman situated in a position to have a huge impact, but they might still be doing very high level work. It’s worth recognizing that.

      3. Friday Hopeful*

        If I were the number two person and my gender was the same as the number one person, I’d be really pissed that my achievement was overlooked and given to someone who didn’t perform as well as me. (especially if their overall performance was not even close- say #1 in their gender but #12 overall). I think its time to retire that policy!

    2. Caprica*

      I want to add: NB employees weren’t previously excluded from awards. The company only reworked things to widen the gender identity selection earlier this year; it was previously dude or lady only. Not great but not up to me.

    3. Rara Avis*

      Give the 2 awards to 2 human beings and take gender out of the equation. I realize that the man/woman designation might originally have been put it to make sure women weren’t regularly overlooked, but if the committee can be thoughtful about that, it might be time to end the one women/one man policy.

    4. Raw Flour*

      I’d eliminate gender altogether. Keep the top-two format, and if it’s then absolutely dominated by men or by women, look at the factors as to why. In this situation there’s definitely no need for a separate awards category for nonbinary people, but they should absolutely be given a chance at an award that doesn’t misgender them.

      1. WantonSeedStitch*

        This. Also, make sure that there is good representation on the committee of people who choose the award recipients.

    5. Lore*

      I am a voter for an award organization that did away with gendered categories entirely and simply honors two people in categories previously divided by gender. This change is only a few years old so the data pool is small, but so far there’s been no evidence that this disadvantages either of the previously used genders, and has already rewarded some NB nominees.

    6. Silvester*

      Seems odd to differentiate by gender at all – why not just give out awards for e.g. the two salespeople with best overall sales?

    7. Double A*

      Are you in sports or an otherwise gender-segregated industry? If no, why are you giving out awards based on gender? This is weird even in acting, it’s just that we’re used to it for that industry.

    8. Llellayena*

      Eliminate the gender distinction, make it “top 2” only. AND specifically encourage/look for entries from the women and non-binary employees. If you have a way to do blind reviews of the entries (to eliminate bias), do so. You may end up with a category where the best two were both women or one woman and one non-binary employee.

      1. WantonSeedStitch*

        Blind reviews of existing employees might be harder than for, say, resumes: if the award is given based on work someone has done, it might be easy to tell who a nominee is by what work is described in the nomination.

    9. TechWorker*

      Either do ungendered awards, or if you want to specifically award people who aren’t men, how about putting ‘women and non-binary’ into one category? (I am a woman in tech & we now have two non binary folks in what used to just be our ‘women’s’ group & it’s totally fine.)

      1. Genevieve*

        Yeah, as a woman I’d be all for including NB people in the women’s category (I guess making it “gender minorities at this company” category) but I have no idea how NB people might feel about that (and I’m sure different people would feel differently).

        I think doing away with the gender categories and finding other ways to make sure the non-cis-men aren’t overlooked is the best option. Probably tricky, but better.

        1. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

          I’m a cis woman who has heard from multiple NB people that they don’t like that approach, calling it “woman lite” (which is exacerbated by the common conception of NB people as androgynous-presenting AFAB, which is obviously not always the case!)

      2. My Day (they/them)*

        As a non-binary person who has been invited to my org’s women’s group, this is pretty person dependent. For me it has been a very frustrating experience.

      3. Classically Ambigous English Prepositional Phrase*

        I can see the reasong for doing that, but to me it sets up men as the default and everyone else as the “other”.

      4. Mad Harry Crewe*

        Oh please don’t do that. NBs are not “woman lite.”

        OP, it sounds like people apply for the awards, or are nominated? Maybe have the gender categories be “male and non-binary” / “female and non-binary” and let people self-select into whichever group they feel most comfortable with?

        The thing is, non-binary/genderqueer/genderfluid/enby/etc is not a single, monolithic identity. Some people lean more masc or fem, some people lean both, some people lean neither. Gender identity and expression is not a linear spectrum with Male at one end and Female at the other. It’s a multidimensional space, and the difference between offering two points in that space (male, female) or three points (male, female, NB) isn’t actually that significant. You’re still leaving out a lot of people who won’t be super comfortable with any of them – despite authoring it, those three points do not include me, for example. I think you’re better off expanding two categories to the absolute max limit, versus trying to introduce a third, strictly bounded, category.

        But it really does need to be both categories. Please (please please please) do not do The Mens and The Ladies Plus Everybody We Secretly Think Of As Ladies.

        1. TechWorker*

          I absolutely do not think NB people are ‘women lite’ >.< as someone said above it’s more about not being ‘the majority gender’. I guess slightly different for a group where people self select in than an award though (& in general I do think just removing gender from the awards is best – and if men ‘always’ win then worth assessing whether people who are not men are getting equal exposure to job opportunities that would give them the chance to win).

    10. Strive to Excel*

      Eliminate the gendered award and replace it with an award for people who displayed exemplary DEI behavior during the year.

      1. TechWorker*

        I mean if this means you end up awarding women and NB people awards for DEI rather than for being good at their jobs I don’t think it solves any problems…

        1. Strive to Excel*

          No, I’m thinking of tackling the underlying problem. If the problem is “we’re not awarding anything to women/NB people”, then that’s either a problem with the award selection process or that the workplace is still predominantly male. Improving DEI and hiring initiatives to not hire and retain only men should help that.

          Giving an award to a woman/NB person just because they’re female/NB smacks as icky to me anyways.

  17. Moon Muffin*

    In my company I’ve noticed a senior executive defaulting to calling every singular person as “they”. Like “Sarah has given their notice. They were a star employee and we will miss them” even if Sarah has “she/her” pronouns listed in her bio. I have no problem with it if this person’s gender isn’t known or if they (example) prefer to use “they/them” pronouns, but just as someone might prefer “they” someone might not. I would prefer “she/her” for myself but I also wouldn’t bother addressing it if I was called “they/them” the odd time. I don’t really have a question other than what’s your thoughts?

      1. TechWorker*

        I don’t find it disrespectful tbh.. I think it’s totally fine ‍♀️
        I sometimes use it if I am writing quickly & don’t have time to look up in our system whether someone has specified pronouns.. it also seems better to do it across the board than only for names where I don’t ‘know’ the more likely gender.

        Plus even for names that are more commonly one gender you might be wrong – I work with a male Carol and a female Kiran for eg…

          1. juliebulie*

            I had an Uncle Francis and Aunt Jeanne, but for many years my sister thought they were Uncle Gene (we had another Uncle Gene) and Aunt Frances. We weren’t close to them, or her confusion would have been resolved much sooner.

    2. Tio*

      Probably used so the company can make a form letter and they don’t have to change anything but the name honestly. But they is still a perfectly valid pronoun for anyone really, just referring to them as a general. I honestly don’t think this is an issue.

      1. Moon Muffin*

        I’ll note that this is in meetings talking about specific people rather than written form or general templates

    3. Magnolia Clyde*

      When the executive does this, are they speaking, or are they writing it in an email/newsletter?

      If it’s something written, maybe the executive is using a template and isn’t taking the time to check or change the message. (Maybe? This is just a wild guess.)

      If it’s a verbal message, then … I have no idea.

      1. Magnolia Clyde*

        Just saw your follow-up!

        Hmmm. That’s an interesting choice, to default to “they” without checking with the person in question.

    4. Theon, Theon, it rhymes with neon*

      My thoughts are that “they” can be used to fill a need of “not specifying gender,” not just “does not have a binary gender.” Otherwise, we don’t have a pronoun equivalent of “person” or “human being.”

      To me, using ungendered “they” pronouns for someone whose gendered pronouns are known is (or should be) the equivalent of saying “Sarah was a lovely person to work with.” Nobody would feel the need to say, “No, you mean Sarah was a lovely WOMAN to work with.”

      If we find it useful as a language to have generic nouns, that’s probably the same reason people are seeing the benefits of generic pronouns.

      Also, speaking as a linguist by training: language tends to change in the direction of people finding more uses for words. Prescriptivists who try to insist everyone limit themselves to the original meaning are usually fighting a losing battle (e.g., “literally”). A certain new meaning may be your pet peeve, but that’s how language change works. People see an opportunity to use a word in a new way, and they go for it.

      1. Anon for this*

        I was also trained as a linguist, but my take on this is exactly the opposite.

        Language change happens naturally as children acquire their native language and the grammar that they build up in their head is inevitably just a little different from that of the previous generation. What doesn’t work is *engineering* language change:

        -Generations of kids being taught “thou shalt not split infinitives” to basically no effect, because it’s just not a real rule of English

        -The French Academy coming up with alternatives so that people won’t use English loan words, but they end up using the English loan words anyway

        -And I would put your proposed change in this category too. Maybe someday, someone will be a native speaker of a variety of English with a gender-neutral animate personal pronoun. But if you’re calling everyone “they” just because it’s more logical, or what you would prefer…then I’m sorry, but *you’re* the prescriptivist.

      2. Angstrom*

        Well said. “Person” is a good example.
        I can certainly understand using “they” as a default, especially if one deals with a lot of different people every day as part of one’s job.

    5. RagingADHD*

      I would think the exec can’t remember on the fly the email signatures of every employee they might refer to, and since people don’t carry thought bubbles over their heads showing their bios, the exec is trying not to assume.

      I think if you aren’t sure, it’s better to go with “they” than to stop a meeting to put someone on the spot, and it’s better to default to “they” than to he or she based on appearance.

    6. Elsewise*

      I’ve seen this done by well-meaning allies who are trying to practice not gendering people, and also as a microaggression against binary trans people. It’s hard to say without context which it is.

      If you want to address it, you could use plausible deniability and just casually say “oh, I didn’t realize Sarah used they/them pronouns!” and see how the exec responds. If there are any out trans people in your department who you’re close to, you could check in with them and see how they’re reading it. If you find that your trans friends are bothered by being degendered/misgendered, you can offer to say something on their behalf. Some of them might not care, though!

      If it’s just you, I agree that I probably wouldn’t say anything. I’m a cis woman and I get they’d a lot (byproduct of hanging out with a lot of queer people and being gently butch) and it doesn’t bother me, so I wouldn’t bring it up on my own behalf. But I’m not everyone!

    7. Parakeet*

      I (they/them or she/her, with a moderate preference in work spaces for the former) think the place where this becomes a genuine problem is if the person in question is a trans man who uses he/him or a trans woman who uses she/her. There’s a trope among trans women that I know, that they joke darkly about, where if someone is unhappy with a trans woman suddenly she becomes “they”.

      I know that some people use “they” for everyone in order to normalize it. I understand why people take this approach. I personally do not love it. Using “they” for oneself is one of relatively few ways to assert nonbinary identity that most people understand, if one wants to do that for e.g. visibility or pride reasons. Making it the default pronoun for everyone undercuts this a bit. It’s not a hill I would personally die on, especially as I saw a lot more of it 10-15 years ago and it seems to be on the decline. Just one of those minor peeves.

      That said, singular they has been a generic pronoun for a long time before contemporary North American gender discourse.

      1. Mad Harry Crewe*

        “They” is the only pronoun I *don’t* use! It sounds like this exec is very egalitarian, so hopefully it’s not a microaggression against trans folks, but it does bother me when I get they’d.

        Agreed that if this person is good at pronouns except when trans people are involved – that’s not a good look. If this person is theying everybody, that’s not ideal but it suggests it’s a quirk of the speaker rather than transphobia.

      2. Firefighter (Metaphorical)*

        I was having exactly this conversation with a colleague recently and I agree with everything you say. I personally don’t want to be referred to with “they” pronouns because – even though I am cis – my gender identity as a woman is important to me, and it’s important to me that “she” can refer to people who look like me and we don’t get ejected from womanhood for not looking femme enough (I’m a butch lesbian). So although I don’t hate generic “they” and it’s better than lots of other things & usually well-intentioned, I also don’t like it because it’s an erasure. (Alison Bechdel put this really well: “I understand why people want to use “they”, and I could do that, but I’ve worked so hard to count as a “she”, I’m going to stick there.”)

    8. Bike Walk Barb*

      From your follow-up comment that they’re doing this in meetings, not necessarily written form, it feels to me like they’re making sure they don’t misgender anyone by using a pronoun that’s been in the English language a long time.

      Sure, it’s more personal connection with employees if they learn and use everyone’s pronouns. Seems to me it’s a nice rebalancing of norms for an occasional cis person who feels strongly to say “I’d rather go by he/him/his” than for a nonbinary person to need to request they/them/theirs.

      I’d say props to them for developing an inclusive habit of speech. A cis person isn’t harmed by them using a pronoun that grammatically covers anyone and everyone the way that someone who really is excluded by a gendered pronoun is harmed if one is misapplied.

      In a related vein I hope they don’t use “guys” to refer to a roomful of people. The English language provides many useful collective nouns, from the Southern “y’all/all y’all” to “folks” to “team” and beyond.

      1. Bike Walk Barb*

        Came back to read more replies and I should have thought of the effects on a trans person for whom it’s really important to be he/him or she/her. Appreciation for those who raised this issue.

        Bottom line, care enough about the people you work with to know if they have a preference and follow that.

        1. RagingADHD*

          Thing is, OP said this is a senior exec. A lot depends on how many people are in the senior exec’s purview and how many levels they are above Sarah (or whoever may be mentioned).

          The senior exec might never have had a direct conversation with Sarah, and be recognizing her contribution because her manager’s manager’s manager asked them to.

          My company has 20,000 employees and the EVP over my department oversees about 300. I don’t think it’s a reasonable expectation that someone should know every person that well if they don’t manage them directly.

    9. Dinwar*

      It’s been done for several hundred years, and is standard English (since at least the 1300s, but written usage lags pretty far behind verbal usage so it’s probably significantly older). Further, it’s a risk-averse option–“they/them” works for anyone, whereas gendered second-person pronouns can be tricky. Executives are going to avoid risk the same way bees avoid rain and beavers run towards water; it’s their nature.

      On the whole, I wouldn’t consider this a significant issue. It falls within typical English usage so there’s literally nothing to complain about. It might be mildly annoying to some, but not something worth spending political capital on.

      1. Bitte Meddler*

        Agreed. I am 58. I’ve used singular “they” my entire life, even when I knew the person’s gender. It’s what I was taught and it’s an ingrained habit.

        Meaning, I’m not intentionally avoiding misgendering someone, it’s just a word I use so I don’t end up saying the person’s name a bajillion times when talking about them.

    10. pizza*

      I think the exec is trying to be neutral/inclusive without taking the time to look up every single person and remember their pronouns. Only so much time in a day …..

    11. Head Sheep Counter*

      I think policing this would not turn out the way you’d like. This is clearly an attempt a using non-gendered language. Its not a bad attempt.

      In general, if someone is addressing a group, why would they get into more detailed pronouns? Unless you wear badges with pronouns its not likely that a person is going to remember all of the nuances that a group could provide. Defaulting to non-gendered isn’t an insult. Its being inclusive but not in the way you like. That’s ok.

      1. Moon Muffin*

        I don’t plan on policing this at all, just wanted to open the discussion and learn different points of view.

    12. Best Coke Ever*

      “I also wouldn’t bother addressing it if I was called “they/them” the odd time”.

      I think that sums it up well – really not an issue at all

      1. Tired*

        Also some people (like me) cannot remember names well, and adding pronouns is another level of problem – I’ve worked with people for 25+ years and sometimes their names are just a big blank in my brain. pronouns are in some ways even worse because of the rudeness/perceived deliberate offence some people perceive when another gets it wrong.

        1. Bike Walk Barb*

          Replace “pronoun” with “name”. Would you be offended if you had told someone your name was Tired and they continued to call you Awake and Alert? If they got it wrong the first time and you corrected them, you’d hope they would remember. The third or fourth time you might not be so patient. On any given day they might not know that you had been called Awake and Alert 10 times already that day and you just want everyone to remember that you’re Tired, so they might not understand why you snapped at them.

          1. carrot cake*

            That’s not a good argument. Tired, Awake, and Alert are all unique from one another.
            Pronouns are not.

            I mean, come on. Do you really expect everyone to know everyone else’s pronouns all the time? Are you able to achieve that?

    13. Sandwich*

      I probably wouldn’t even notice this, to be honest. I see from other comments that using “they” for trans people can be a microaggression, which is good to know. I would have thought “they” is like “Ms” in that it is inclusive of all marital statuses.
      In this case, since they’re doing this for everyone, it seems unlikely that it is a microaggression and they’re just using a general pronoun that can apply to any gender.

      1. Mad Harry Crewe*

        Taken entirely without context, your assumption is reasonable. However, in the real world, a lot of people have arrived at using ‘they’ for trans folks they’re uncomfortable with, or hateful towards, and let me tell you – we can tell.

    14. Msd*

      I think people used “they” long before its use was associated with the whole transgender/“which pronouns” issue. Now it’s became such a hot button for people. Also, there are many many names in other languages/cultures that do not indicate gender to English/US people.
      Sheila vs Anwal. “They” seems to be a pretty low key way to bypass the issue.

      2. Dinwar*

        First documented use was in the mid-1300s. Given that this is still well within the Middle Ages, it’s reasonable to assume that written usage followed verbal usage by a lot. That usage remained at least present in print (it never was dominant but it wasn’t uncommon either) until present day. It wasn’t controversial (outside the normal circles where linguistic oddities become controversial anyway) for about 600 years. Not until the LGBTQ+ group started using it the way that it had always been used, and bigots decided suddenly that 600 years wasn’t enough time to make something proper English (a language which, I must emphasize, is defined almost entirely by use; the concept of “proper” English itself is not without controversy).

        I geek out a bit about language. Comes from too much Tolkien in my formative years. And this “controversy” is something I’ve looked into a few times. Got a friend who’s a dean of a university’s literature department and she and I discussed it at length a few times (yes, I’m a geek).

        1. Agnes*

          Genuine question, not snarky. I’ve heard people say this a lot. Of course, “they” has been used for a single person for a long time when the gender of the person is unknown or irrelevant. “Go see who’s at the door and ask them what they want”, “Each student should bring their own pencil”, etc.

          Are there examples of using a singular they for a known, individual person in Jane Austen, for instance? “Mr. Darcy lives at Pemberley and they have a big house” “Elizabeth and their sisters live in the village”, meaning Mr. Darcy or Elizabeth only?

          1. Dinwar*

            Mansfield Park, in reference to a male doctor (sort of anyway). “Had the Doctor been contented to take my dining tables as any body in their senses would have done…” There’s also examples in Shakespeare, The Canterbary Tales, Patrick O’Brian’s works (which use period-accurate diction), LOTR (which is based heavily on ancient modes of speech with non-hobbits and contemporary English speech with hobbits), and others. I’ve seen some uses of it in published letters, but I don’t have those handy.

            This is how I usually see it–where the gender is either indeterminate, irrelevant, or unknown. Sayings, or when referring to situations where SOMEONE had to be referenced but it’s impossible to know who, that sort of thing. If you knew the gender you typically used it, but not always.

    15. Qwerty*

      There was a bit push a while back to use “they” more and normalize it. Not just for gender identity, but to break with norms on typical gender roles. If someone is used to always saying “he” when referring to a developer or manager, that person subconsiously associates those jobs with being male. I’m frequently the only female in my department and was very used to being referred to as “he” out of habit.

      It also used to be pushed as gender neutral if you don’t know someone’s pronouns. If you are working with a hundred people regularly, it is tough to remember all their names. You definitely will not remember names plus pronouns.

      I think it is important to remember that with changing times comes conflicting advice. What one group pushes as non-offensive can be considered offensive by another group.

    16. Galaxiid*

      I very occasionally do this when speaking and I don’t know why. It’s like I talk too quickly for my brain to keep up, and instead of using a he or she pronoun, I’ll default to they. But when I catch myself doing it, I don’t keep using it in that conversation. Also, somehow it never happens in a conversation where the person I’m speaking about is present—it’s like their presence is a visual reminder somehow. Since the exec is repeatedly doing this, I’m guessing it’s a conscious decision, which puzzles me so much.

    17. LMS manager*

      I wouldn’t expect a senior exec to track the pronouns of all their employees. It seems respectful to me to use they/them.

    18. DJ*

      In the past if we were emailing/writing to a unit e.g. finance, IT I used to say Dear Sir/Madam but now say Dear Finance, Dear IT as a greeting. For example Dear IT (when raising a request or problem) I’m having problems accessing X program/site, when I try to it shows up Y message (see screen dump). Could you please fix it. Kind regards….

    19. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

      Is it happening in an organic way or a forced way?

      I have always said things along the lines of “Pat is going to the store tomorrow, can they pick anything up for you?” It was really common in the area of the country I grew up in to use “they” as a singular pronoun until maybe the last decade and now they pretend it was never a thing.

      It could be the standard way they speak or have always spoken. (dang I did that accidentally – it is that routine for me)

    20. Chirpy*

      When my company does it (in memos talking about personnel changes at corporate), it really reads like they just did a cut/paste of the person’s name and forgot to change the pronouns on the template. But they’ve also made it fairly clear that the company isn’t great on LGBTQ+ related anything (they do nothing more than they legally have to) so it’s fairly obviously not an attempt at inclusivity. I’d say that context matters.

    21. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      “they/them” is grammatically correct for everyone and has been used for centuries.
      I generally like its use, both for execs with 100s of people under them who likely can’t remember everyone’s pronouns and for people like me who worked in engineering R&D areas that are 95% male and soon got fed up with “he/him” being the norm.

      If the exec uses it for everyone, or at least everyone outside the small group he knows well, then it helps avoid misgendering and it’s positive.
      However, if someone uses it only for gay or trans people then it’s almost certainly intended to other them and to be hostile.

  18. Professional pants for petite pregnant people*

    Any suggestions for comfortable, affordable pants for business-very-casual environments for petite pregnant people with curvy (not chubby, more thick/muscular) legs? The commenters here have been reliable in offering recommendations in the past. Also looking for cold-weather outfits that conceal rather than reveal as I don’t work in a pregnancy-friendly company. Thanks in advance!

    1. Keladry of Mindelan*

      I have a similar build to what you described and had a lot of success with Motherhood Maternity and Old Navy. Granted, the product of said pregnancy is now a third grader, so things may have changed, but I’d start there.

      In terms of outfits which conceal, dresses/slacks with long, loose cardigans are helpful. Also, any accessories (shoes, necklaces, earrings, scarves, etc) which draw the eye paired with dark tops/dresses.

    2. Aloy*

      I’ve had good luck with Halara! Their pants have a lot of stretch and they have several work appropriate styles. They also continue to fit well postpartum.

    3. Genevieve*

      If you’re still early enough (or lucky enough to not show too much for a while) you can always keep wearing regular pants (especially if they’re looser) with an extending device. There are a few different kinds – I think Bellaband was the one I had. Pro tip – if your pants have a button, you can always do this in a pinch with a hair tie and a long camisole!

      ThredUp was also a good source of work maternity clothes, especially the second time around after Motherhood Maternity closed its actual store near me.

    4. AGS*

      I’m 5’1 and I had good luck with Gap petite maternity pants and also Old Navy. I also got some things from H&M for work – I’ve found that pants described as “ankle” – like a 26 or 27 inch inseam or so, works for me as a full length pant to wear with flats. I agree that an open long cardigan works well – especially if you have all black underneath a brightly colored one. The black on black can make it hard to see a bump and the cardigan color would draw the eye to something else.

      1. Genevieve*

        And scarves! I was always a big cardigan/pashmina person, so it worked well for me. I just kept one at my desk when it was cold and wrapped up. Bonus: will also cover food stains (I’d like to say that was a pregnancy problem only…it certainly got worse with the growing belly, but it was a long-standing issue for me).

    5. No Tribble At All*

      Target maternity pants, and big poofy sweaters. Just don’t walk too quickly. You want things that are a-line or boxy. (Hid a pregnancy at work til 20 weeks, but I was also kinda round to start with, so most of my blouses were non-belly-snug anyway)

    6. BigLawEx*

      OMG I trained for a bunch of races right before getting pregnant, so at 5’3″ had this exact problem. I had really good luck with OldNavy and Gap maternity if you’re in the US. This was 15 years ago…if not in stores now, check ThreadUp or similar.

      For the other answer, maybe Free People? They have a lot of oversized tops that can hide anything.

    7. Professional Pants for Petite Pregnant People*

      Thank you to everyone who took time to comment–Kelady of Mindelan, Still Not Squid, Aloy, Genevieve, AGS, NoTribbleAtAll, and BigLawEx as of now–plus anyone else who chimes in on my question. I was looking for info I hadn’t found on my own and you all came through. Several brands I wasn’t familiar with here and I will check them out. Will experiment with the outfit suggestions also.

    8. Professional Pants for Petite Pregnant People*

      Thank you to everyone who took time to comment–Keladry of Mindelan, Still Not Squid, Aloy, Genevieve, AGS, NoTribbleAtAll, and BigLawEx as of now–plus anyone else who chimes in on my question. I was looking for info I hadn’t found on my own and you all came through. Several brands I wasn’t familiar with here and I will check them out. Will experiment with the outfit suggestions also.
      (This is the updated version of my comment)

      1. DawnShadow*

        If you’re still looking at these, 25 years ago when I was pregnant and watching my budget to the point where I had no money at all to buy maternity clothes, I was able to make do for a long time by leaving my pants unbuttoned and unzipped and using a pair of suspenders to hold them up. I covered everything with a very large sweater. That way I could still use the clothes I already had until I was 6 months along and my mom bought me maternity clothes for Christmas. I was amazed at how many people I saw every day at work who were surprised to find out I was pregnant when I came back from break in maternity clothes (and 7 months along). They just thought I’d gained weight.

        1. BigLawEx*

          Oh, maternity shops used to (probably still do) have an elastic band just for this. (So they don’t fall down). It was perfect up until about 24 weeks.

  19. cmdrspacebabe*

    Is It Weird To Draw My Coworkers?

    I have long been (affectionately) known in my office for doodling during meetings. During the 100% Remote Era, this escalated to drawing little portraits of coworkers who had their cameras on during meetings. Now, however, we have gone hybrid and I am back in the office… with a notebook full of drawings of my colleagues. It grows increasingly likely that someone will notice this, and I’m starting to wonder if this is going to look like some kind of boundary issue. So… how creeped out would you be?

    Relevant factors: the portraits are small, casual pencil sketches of people’s faces. Some are people I work with regularly; others were just present in a meeting at some point. They are generally recognizable as the subject, and not unflattering (no caricatures or rude speech bubbles). There are generally more than one per page and no clear pattern of gender/age/race/attractiveness/whatever, so it’s clear I’m not obsessing over any particular person or set of traits. I also have no management responsibilities and have positive relationships with all my colleagues.

    Thoughts?

    1. Tio*

      I would think it’s a little weird tbh. Just because it means you’ve probably been looking intently at my face. Can you get a new notebook and start maybe doodling celebrities?

    2. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Slightly creeped out, yes. I am also concerned that people would think you were slacking off sketching instead of doing your job.

      I would be less creeped out if there were other things in there besides people – office plants, the view out your window, etc.

    3. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      I’d be creeped out if you hadn’t asked permission first. It’s like taking a photo of your coworkers – nothing essentially wrong with it but you don’t do it without consent.

      1. ferrina*

        This. I’d immediately feel self-conscious and weirded out that you were looking at me so intently that you could draw me.
        I don’t think I’d be as weirded out by a drawing of the CEO. I think that’s because there’s an assumption of somewhat anonymity at work, whereas the CEO comes closer to a public figure. Of course, the CEO might have other ideas, so I’d stick to drawing something else.

    4. CT*

      Honestly, it depends on how much I liked the person and what other vibes I got from them. It could be cute or creepy. I’m leaning towards cute now, but if I were you I’d try to keep it to myself unless your sure your colleagues wouldn’t mind.

      1. Tippy*

        Yeah, this is true. I’d probably think it’s a little weird regardless but I have a lot higher tolerance for weird when I like the person and haven’t been weirded out by them in the past.

        I’d probably just get a new notebook, tbh.

      2. Nonanon*

        Yeah; incredibly subjective to the person you were drawing and your relative relationship with them. I understand both “huh, a little creeped out by this” and “wow, super flattering!”
        (an aside, but there was an artist near my university who would sometimes draw people they saw sitting at coffee shops and give them their drawing. They had drawn a couple of my friends having a conversation; one thought it was cool, one thought it was weird. A lot of subjectivity and honestly for something like coworkers, I’d keep it to myself; easier to avoid a coffeeshop or brush off something from a stranger vs “oh god Prudence is drawing me and I have to present the TPS reports with her tomorrow is this going to be weird”)

        1. cmdrspacebabe*

          This just reminded me of a video I saw of someone doing a life drawing of a stranger…… except they demonstrated this by taking a very zoomed-in video of said stranger from across the street and posting it on Instagram. ??????

          Hence some of my concern: clearly some people have VERY DIFFERENT IDEAS about privacy boundaries, and I would like to steer clear of the ‘deeply creepy’ side of that spectrum.

      3. Dark Macadamia*

        Yeah, my first impulse was that I would be weirded out but then I remembered last year a student did this during class and gave me the drawing. I found it very charming and it’s still on my bulletin board. But also this was a child, and just one sketch – I think having it be an adult, a coworker, and the fact that there are apparently a lot of them is what skews this toward creepy.

    5. Angstrom*

      Just as some people don’t like to be photographed, some won’t like being drawn.

      I understand that an artist’s interest may not be personal — it can be about “That light brings out some interesting curves on your face” or “I was trying to get the texture of your hair” — but some may find it intrusive.

    6. I'm A Little Teapot*

      I would find it weird. I may or may not say anything to you, but I wouldn’t view it positively. At best, it would be neutral. I would recommend doodling something else. Animals?

    7. Lurker*

      Great question! While you’re obviously not doing this maliciously in any way, if you think someone might notice it might be better to draw things other than people. People might not care, but there’s a small chance someone will if they notice it so it’s probably better not to. That’s just my opinion though, others may have different thoughts

    8. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I would get a new notebook, just so that you have a clean slate to start from if asked about it. Plus as someone who likes to sketch, you know that new notebooks are a joy!

      I don’t think this is that weird, though I work in the arts and I feel like the odds of someone doing this in a meeting I’m in are more elevated than other sectors. I think there’s a difference between doing it in a virtual meeting vs in an in-person meeting, though; no one knows you’re doing it in the virtual meeting, which makes it feel a bit voyeuristic, whereas in an in-person meeting someone would have the opportunity to ask you to stop if they were uncomfortable with it.

      I don’t know that I’d see it all that differently from drawing boxes or bubbles or whatever else, to be honest. That said, I think if this is something you want to continue doing, I’d focus not on getting good likenesses of your colleagues but on using it as an exercise to hone form/proportion/shape/texture/whatever.

    9. Chauncy Gardener*

      Can you possibly leave the notebook at home and get a new one for the office? I do think this has the capacity to weird people out.

    11. Cyndi*

      I have an illustration degree so I may be a little skewed on this–I had it drummed into me for years that daily observational sketching was important to skill building, not that I ever actually got into the habit of it. (Maybe that’s why I never got good at figure drawing.)

      Anyway I think this is the kind of thing that’s not weird to do in itself, but becomes weird if the person finds out about it.

    12. The Prettiest Curse*

      I would get a new work notebook and focus on drawing inanimate objects or animals in future in-person meetings. You drawings do sound very cool (and as someone with zero artistic skill, I’m impressed with anyone who can draw) – but I think there’s just too much potential to weird someone out here.

    13. call me wheels*

      I used to doodle classmates in my big lectures but never anyone who could find out about it, I stopped when I moved to smaller classes and it would have been more obvious. I think it’s less “creepy” per say but more like it’s not good to make people feel noticed and observed. Im working on improving my art atm and one of my friends has a good eye for when I’ve zoned out and started observing how the light falls on her arm or similar and always complains so I try not to do that now. So it definitely bothers people even if you’re not drawing at the moment.
      Maybe doodle inanimate objects instead or patterns if you have to do something ?

    14. Best Coke Ever*

      I’m sure you don’t mean it to be, but yes, it’s definitely weird to have a notebook full of drawings of your colleagues.

    15. I should really pick a name*

      Did you draw these on a notebook that also contains work notes?

      If so, get a new notebook, put the one with doodles in a drawer, and only pull it out if you need it.

    16. A Library Person*

      I’m glad you asked this question, because my personal response would be to find it somewhat charming (assuming this is more along the lines of a doodle and not a serious life study). However, that is clearly not the prevailing opinion!

      1. cmdrspacebabe*

        Right?? I had a feeling I wasn’t quite aligned with the general population, but the “pls do not” contingent is nearly unanimous! I’m glad I asked, clearly my concern was justified :P

        1. Bike Walk Barb*

          One of my brothers was an artist, which may be why my first thought was, “Oh, I’d ask if you would give me the one of me” because I love a good sketch. I’ve had roles that put me very much in the public eye, though, which may also have influenced that thought.

          As a manager I think I’d feel you weren’t paying enough attention to the meeting topics if you were doing a good job of observing someone and rendering their face in a recognizable way. Different attention level than doodling random squiggles, and a notebook full of faces is a notebook full of evidence that you weren’t taking notes.

      2. juliebulie*

        I agree, I think I would find it amusing. Which is odd because I loathe being photographed. But drawing takes real interest, time, and effort, so maybe that’s why I find it more flattering (my face was worth the effort) and less off putting than photography.

        In the example where the sketcher gives the finished drawing to their subject – which I think is also fine but understand why some wouldn’t like it – that sounds charming to me, but that is quite a different situation because the artist is not keeping the drawing. I can definitely imagine how it would look to some people if they found out you were keeping a secret notebook full of their likenesses.

      3. DannyG*

        I’m with you on this. My father was a talented, self taught artist who worked in oils, pastels, water colors, and pen & ink drawings. He did lots of doodles and sketches in the margins of things and I only wish I could find on of me in there. My first thought was to give the drawings to the subjects as a gift. Obviously, not everyone agrees.

    17. Kay Lehman*

      I’d be pretty creeped out and uncomfortable with that. It would make me feel self-conscious and worried that I was being watched. It would make me awkward and on edge around you.

    18. cmdrspacebabe*

      Thanks, everybody – this is really helpful! :) I had a feeling I needed a reality check – I’m not at all self-conscious about that kind of thing (I think I would actually enjoy it if someone did it to me!), so it didn’t really occur to me as an issue until we started going back to the office. I think most of my immediate team would find it charming since they already know me and my doodling habits (I was surprised how many people remembered and brought it up after 4 years remote!), but the chances of someone feeling weird and just not wanting to speak up seem pretty high.

      And to clarify: yes, these drawings are on work notes that were clearly taken during meetings. The faces are just in the margins. A dedicated portrait sketchbook of just my coworkers would be pretty weird even for me :P

      1. juliebulie*

        That actually sounds much more benign than what I was imagining, which was full-page renderings.

        1. cmdrspacebabe*

          Lol – I was trying to keep the question from getting too long, but didn’t realize in my trimming that I’d cut out a pretty important detail! :P

    19. Coasterchick*

      I actually had a co-worker draw me at work once and then give me the drawing. I was thoroughly creeped out. Now much of that was that the co-worker was creepy, but even if they weren’t I’d still have found it unsettling.

    21. RagingADHD*

      You don’t consider them caricatures or unflattering. That doesn’t mean the person seeing themselves how you see them would think the same. A lot of people prefer to keep a mental image of themselves that’s a little younger, or a little thinner, or more masculine or feminine, or more put-together than they really look. Sometimes walking past a mirror unexpectedly is more unflattering than a caricature could ever be.

      Leave the doodle book at home. It’s a recipe for misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

    23. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      I’d be charmed – unless the sketches were unflattering to some coworkers. I’d ask for an autographed copy if you sketched me :)

      btw, I’m someone with a face that was not pretty even when young, but I’m just not bothered by it ::shrug::

  20. Blue Pen*

    A few weeks ago, I wrote here about how my husband was told to expect a job offer from my employer a month from now and that we were on pins and needles waiting for/hoping it would come through.

    Well, it has! He accepted the offer yesterday with $10K more than he was expecting to receive and a bumped up start date so that he can leave his current company sooner. We’re thrilled, and it’s going to be so fun to commute in and home together :)

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      I’ve got a letter on this coming on Monday but in a nutshell – it’s currently being challenged in court, and if a court puts it on hold it’s very unlikely to survive once the new administration comes in. If courts don’t stop it, it’s scheduled to go into effect January 1, while the old administration is still in charge, and would be much harder for the new administration to roll back afterwards (still possible, but would change the picture a lot).

      1. Classically Ambigous English Prepositional Phrase*

        Thanks for the info! I’ve been crossing my fingers for it to go into effect, but a court challenge makes me feel pretty pessimistic about the chances of it happening.

  22. SeeYouSusan*

    I have been on the job hunt and it is going really well – so well, in fact, that knock on wood I expect an offer is coming my way within the next week.
    I am ruminating on how exactly to give notice, more specifically if I am asked why I’m leaving or if there is anything my current company could have done or could do now to make me stay. I have a variety of reasons why I am leaving but I firmly feel the ship has sailed and I am not interested in turning this into a counter offer situation. And I also do not want to burn any bridges in case I want to come back in the future. So I am at a loss of what to say that doesn’t open the door to negotiation from my current job but is not standoffish.

    1. Alex*

      You can just say “I enjoyed working here but thought it was time for a change and I’m excited about this new step in my career.” Keep your tone friendly but don’t give too many details.

    2. Generic Name*

      Make up some bullshit that sounds neutral and plausible. I had various issues with my last company and just didn’t want to work there anymore, and I said that I went to industry because I wanted to get out of consulting. “This opportunity just fell in my lap and was too good to pass up” is a classic for a reason.

    3. Tired Librarian*

      Whenever I have left specifically for a new job, I’ve tended to spin it as a bit of a ‘I wasn’t really looking, but I happened to see this amazing opportunity that I couldn’t pass up going for…’ Obviously not necessarily true, but a bit of a way of saving face if you don’t want to get drawn into a longer conversation.

  23. CareerChange*

    Hi all— I’ve been thinking something over that I’m conflicted on how to navigate. I am a mid thirties woman in a field that starts out 70/30 women to men in lower level jobs, then is about 50/50 in mid level jobs and 15 women/85 men in executive/top level jobs. I mentor other women in the field I’ve managed in the past and also will always take networking calls or coffees with younger people to pay it forward for everyone who was so generous in helping me get where I am (at the to of the mid level tier and just below executives). I have a good answer for the most part to how I got where I am and adapting it to changing norms except for two things— one, a big reason for my success/where I am now is having never been pregnant as that is something that often sets women back and or halts their career progression and two, I know I don’t have what it takes to make the leap into that 15% at the top level so I’m desperately trying to change industries. It feels cowardly to admit these things but also disingenuous if I don’t share? How would you acknowledge the systematic issues without discouraging younger people of all genders to continue in the field?

    1. ferrina*

      I work in an industry that is similar. You can and should call it what it is. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by covering it up. Women know that the Mommy Track is real, and if they don’t, then someone needs to warn them about it asap so they can make an informed decision. Same with breaking into the 15% of the top level- be honest that you rarely see women in leadership. Give the mentees your honest experience, and trust that they have the intelligence to adapt this information and apply it to give themselves the best results possible.

      Oh, and tell men about this too. It’s amazing how many men I’ve worked with that didn’t realize the leadership was all/mostly male, but when you point it out they’re horrified about the lack of equality.

    2. Hlao-roo*

      I think those two things are important to highlight, and I also understand why it’s a bit tricky to do so.

      Taking the second part first, I think it should be easy enough to say, “I can help you get as far as [mid-level job titles] because that’s where I am, but honestly I don’t know how to go from here to [executive/top level jobs].” You can choose whether to share that you’re looking to change industries or not. I don’t think that’s cowardly, just realistic.

      For pregnancy, I think you if you make the following points:

      – you were able to reach [position] by [age] because you have never been pregnant
      – you don’t agree with pregnancy delaying/stopping career progression in [industry], just observing that it happens frequently
      – you aren’t advocating for career progression/no kids over career stagnation/kids (or vice versa), just acknowledging it’s a choice women in [industry] are stuck with
      – you see this [changing/not changing] in industry in the near future

      I think most people will take it well.

    3. DisneyChannelThis*

      Off the record be up front about it (offsite, at a coffee shop). In a panel setting or otherwise on record (company email) talk in circles around it.

      “I was fortunate to not need any medical or other large times of leave, this let me push through some barriers in the gender gap” is a solid slide around saying ‘this industry discriminates against pregnant women’ .

      You can also point to changes when talking to young people. When I started at company X we only had 1 woman on the board, today 4 of the 12 board members are women. That’s a good way to express concern to them without totally being discouraging. It also can help steer them toward looking into those statistics themselves when choosing a company.

    4. Qwerty*

      If the facts discourage people from continuing in the field, I am ok with that.

      A huge reason is hearing that things aren’t that bad downplays the realities of the situation and can make women feel like they are the problem. I’m a manager and have previously held a director position – what I heard from earlier career women was they feel validated when I am honest that it sucks but I can’t imagine being happy in any other field.

      I know I have made things easier for those who come after me but there’s a lot of crap in my industry. If smart talented women feel like they want to use those talent’s elsewhere, I fully support that. I regularly debate leaving my industry but I love coding too much so leaving would feel like punishment.

  24. Teapot Librarian*

    I am considering quitting my job so that I can dedicate my time and energy to getting a nonprofit organization off the ground (and funded!!). Obviously I am in an incredibly fortunate position to even be able to consider this, but if you have done something similar, what did you consider when determining if you were able to do it? E.g. how many months in savings did you have? Health insurance? Other factors that I might not be thinking about? And what effects of the upcoming federal government transition should I be worried about? (That is, effects specific to this question.)

    1. MsM*

      I assume you’ve researched the space you’d be entering and whether there are already groups doing the work or that you might want to approach to see if they’d be willing to take it on with sufficient support before you start a whole new entity?

      1. Teapot Librarian*

        Yes! We’re actually a few years into our work but it’s getting very clear that we aren’t going to make real progress unless I’m able to dedicate much more time and energy than I have while working at my day job.

        1. MsM*

          Great! I think the federal considerations are going to depend on what issue area you’re in (although I think it’s wise to expect fewer government grants in general), but there are lots of groups hosting webinars over the next couple of weeks on what to expect.

      2. Collaborate*

        I had the same immediate thought. It’s always better to give the money to a place with a good rep already doing the work so more money goes to mission and less to overhead.

    2. Bike Walk Barb*

      Haven’t started one but I ran one and watched other people start nonprofits. My questions are more about the doing of the work, not the financial factors you listed, and you may well have worked through all of this already and not need my thoughts.

      My personal response to many of those start-ups I observed was that they could have been just as effective as programs or initiatives under an existing nonprofit and the founder could have dedicated energy to the cause, not to the paperwork and headaches involved with starting and managing an organization. The sheer amount of time to get approval as a 501(c)(3) may be affected by the transition.

      If you haven’t already thought about whether your mission is a good fit with another one, I’d suggest that as a potential step. You could always figure that a some point if it outgrows the home organization you can spin it off. Some places have a nonprofit that serves as a fiscal administrator umbrella for a variety of activities. Easier to get straight to the good you want to do if someone else handles the back office.

      Would you hope to receive federal grants to support the work? Take a long hard look at the likelihood of competing successfully for what may be a smaller or nonexistent pot.

      If you want to start it you obviously feel very strongly about it. This means a certain amount of your identity and ego are enmeshed in it. I say this as someone who has always “lived their work”: What will it mean for you personally and emotionally if it doesn’t get off the ground, or if it starts and then flops? Do you have the emotional resilience and supportive friends to get you through the intensity of start-up, the grind of maintenance, and the potential for failure? How well do you cope with setbacks? Is this something you need to work on before entering this phase?

      Good luck with the decisions and the work! I’ve been motivated by causes all my life.

  25. Work-Related Civic Action for Public Employees*

    Not using my real name for this one.

    A colleague yesterday put together a (lunchtime) meeting to talk about actions we can responsibly and legally take so that we can continue to do our jobs effectively as employees in a public agency. List they started below.

    What would you add? If you work in federal service your thoughts are especially valuable!

    Download resources. We saw this last time with climate scientists fortunately backing up key reports offsite. We’re going to identify essential online federal resources and ask our library to create an archive so we don’t lose access.

    Respond to rule-making at length with specifics. Federal rule-making responses put things on the record, including the potential harms. Create a record. Enlist others. In the world of transportation when tens of thousands of people commented on an update of the MUTCD it changed what came out as the final version. It mattered. Have to hope it still matters.

    Federal grant application strategies. Some may no longer be worth applying for. But if you know you could do good work in a district represented in Congress by a Republican it may still be worth applying. Get their letter of support, do good things for the people who live there.

    Keep creating good research, documents, and systems. Many, many things are still local or state-level decisions. From our position we create criteria for awarding grants, for example. We can apply an equity analysis as part of our criteria that’s completely justified by the data in our particular policy realm.

    What else??

    1. Roscoe da Cat*

      I would say – if your work depends on a some type of federal work – be clear with your state politicians that this is a product you need. All too often, members of Congress and other politicians assume that something is worthless for the government to do because THEY don’t use it

    2. Just a name*

      Download all of your personnel file info (SF-50, etc). It can be difficult to get after you leave.

    3. Mazey's Mom*

      Maybe this falls more under “download resources” but if your agency makes the news (obviously for non-negative reasons) or contributes to the public discourse on a topic, or employees in that agency, have published books/articles/etc. or if they receive public recognition, I would save the links, citations, videos, etc. and make them available to your stakeholders. If you can show what impact you make, it might make it harder for them to ignore you. On the other hand, it could put you on their radar, and you might not like that attention, so it’s a crap shoot. But this information could also potentially be used when you apply for grants, and don’t limit yourself to just federal funding. Look at state and foundation funding too. Is there some non-governmental bigwig your agency interacts with who’s a friend to the incoming administration (i.e., one who has contributed financially to their war chest) who can provide a letter of support to funders?

    4. Lady Kelvin*

      I also work as a public employee. We are also one of the agencies that are targeted for closure in Project 2025. Here are some of the things we have discussed this week:
      1. How to codify protections for workers regardless of gender identify, race, religion, etc. at our workplace.
      2. How to continue our DE&I work even if we are told to dissolve our group (it happened the last administration and we expect it to happen again)
      3. How to code switch so that we can keep doing the important work we are tasked with without raising any concerns for the administration.
      4. We have organized a group to start the efforts to unionize. It was something I have been considering for a while, and when I reached out to a few others I found we were all already doing different things to explore that possibility, so we are going to actively pursue forming a union at our line office.

      1. Mad Harry Crewe*

        I am so touched by your comment and wish you the best of luck and strength in numbers in your union efforts.

    5. DJ*

      It’s going to be hard working for a federal govt dept after the election. Most public servants hold values for the common good, support marginalised groups and wish to develop policy and programs that make things better for people, not worse. So good you’re thinking of these issues early on.
      Can you extract and store key records containing essential research, policy, facts, history, good programs etc etc somewhere else in case there is an order to destroy records.

    6. ElastiGirl*

      I am deeply heartened by this thread. Thank you to all you public employees fighting the good fight so smartly from within the castle walls.

    7. Deanna Troi*

      I don’t have anything to add, but I also work for the federal government with the MUTCD and grant administration, so perhaps we know each other. Thank you for taking these actions and doing the best you can to continue to do good work that benefits the public.

  26. HugeTractsofLand*

    Someone new just started at my workplace, but my workplace is a bit of a mess right now. Should I flag the interpersonal issues now or let her come to her own conclusions? There’s an ongoing investigation against our boss instigated by coworker #1. Boss and coworker #2 have been badtalking coworker #1 since before the investigation even started (it’s partially why the investigation is a thing!). Boss is keeping things very professional as far as I can see, coworker #1 has had chances to share their perspective but hasn’t so far, and coworker #2 is training the newbie. We really need this role filled, which is I think why everyone’s on good behavior, but biases are going to jump out at some point. Do I stay quiet? Make it clear that I’m available for questions?

    1. ferrina*

      This is tough. Part of me says thinks that telling Newbie would be introducing drama where there potentially is none, but part of me worries that Coworker #2 could bias Newbie in a way that is unfair to both Newbie and Coworker #1.

      I think it would be good for you to form your own relationship with Newbie. It’s a great practice anyways, just for someone to have more than one person that they can go to with questions (at my work, our onboarding includes 3 designated people that the newbie can go to with questions, not including the coworkers on their team). That will give you a way to monitor the situation, and you’ll have the trust built with Newbie if you ever end up needing to say something.
      *I’m assuming you’re neutral to what’s going on with Coworker #1 and Coworker #2/Boss

      1. Genevieve*

        This!! Don’t rush in with the information, but help the person the way you would anyone else in that position. If/when Newbie notices something off, you can casually validate that there’s awkwardness and answer questions (even if it’s with “I can’t really give you all the details, but yeah, there’s stuff going on there. Best if you stay professional!)

    2. ChemistryChick*

      I would stay quiet about it, myself. Let them come to their own conclusions, especially if the parties involved are currently playing nice and the newbie is getting the training they need to be successful.

    3. Admin of Sys*

      I would stay quiet – if everyone does manage to keep to good behavior, then bringing it up early is going to just add fuel. If you see some of the biases creep in, you could mention there’s interpersonal conflict happening, and try to counter any unprofessional behavior – but if everyone is being professional, then saying there’s hidden conflict is just gossip.

    4. Turingtested*

      When I’m training people, I normally say something like “If you have any questions about anything, feel free to ask me even if it’s a little weird.” Often they ask about office dynamics and politics and I do my best to give a neutral but informative response.

    5. Chauncy Gardener*

      I would stay quiet and professional. Help the newbie as much as you can. I think if you proactively say something, you’re actually generating drama, not responding to it. The investigation may even be somewhat confidential since it involves personnel, right?
      Good luck!

    6. Blue Pen*

      Assuming there’s nothing (or at least nothing major) that would directly affect them and their jobs, I would let them figure it out for themselves.

    7. RagingADHD*

      Stay friendly and be open to questions, but don’t try to lay it all out for them. IME, the first person to glom onto a newbie and dish on all the problematic dynamics is usually a shit-stirrer and not to be trusted.

      Not saying that’s you, but they may think that of you.

  27. Chronic Illness*

    For folks with chronic conditions that require flexibility how do you manage the work load and communication of availability? My condition is new and we are still working through treatments so everyday is a bit of a new adventure. I have short bursts where I can function but then I have to stop and rest away from screens. Any suggestions?
    My office is to small for FMLA or anything state related but so far my company has been flexible with me and I have just been adjusting my duties and WFH. I am probably doing about 30% of what I normally do, and there are some activities that really do require in person work that is just not an option at the moment. I do have access to short and long term disability, but I wasn’t sure if that is worth enacting since I can work part time.

    1. H.Regalis*

      Give yourself more time off than you think you’ll need, and give people longer ETAs than you think are realistic, like double the time if you can.

      Also, give yourself a break that you’re not able to be at 100% right now. Especially when a condition is new, it’s really hard to estimate things and you’re going to go slower than you did before and won’t get as much done.

      Recognize that even with meds and treatment, if the condition you have is chronic, it’s not going to go away. No matter what you do, you’ll still have days where your symptoms are way worse than others. There’s no magical combination of treatment and time management you can do so that you can get everything done you did before and also never feel like shit.

    2. LMS manager*

      I’m in that camp and my condolences for joining the team. It took me a bit, after beginning treatment, to figure out how much I could get done. Also, the emotions of the diagnosis – grief, sadness, anger – took up energy. Eventually, I settled into a cadence of treatments. I know when my higher energy periods and lower energy periods land in that cadence and I structure projects accordingly. YMMV, but I have control over that and I also WFH. I’m also experienced in my role, so I’m generally more productive than the average person in my role.

      My suggestion is to give yourself some time to figure out your new energy (or “spoons,” look up spoon theory). You’ll figure out what works for you. Best wishes with the treatment!

    3. DJ*

      Good that you can WFH. And sounds like you can do flexible hours. Both WFH and flexible hours (especially if unrestricted e.g. no bandwidth, no core hours) can really help with managing a chronic health condition.
      But if doing WFH and flexible hours isn’t enough perhaps it might be worth applying for short-term and long-term disability (not sure what the rules are) so that you can go part-time for a period whilst getting your treatment right and adjusting to living with and managing your condition. But get legal and financial advice first especially around the implications of working part-time if you decide to go down this route short term. But if you could go part-time, your organisation would employ a short-term part-timer to pick up on some of your work.

  28. ecnaseener*

    Continuing a previous conversation from yesterday that got locked, I guess because it went too far off topic: We were trying to figure out why people commonly believe that it’s illegal in the US to ask job candidates about car ownership. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy suggested it might be because car ownership could be linked to socioeconomic status.

    But… as far as I can tell, it’s not illegal to consider socioeconomic status in hiring decisions either! Where does it all come from?? Just bad PR implications or is there something I’m not finding in search results?

    1. Alex*

      Maybe because it could reveal a disability that could be used to illegally discriminate?

      Although I personally have never heard of this question being illegal so I don’t really know.

      1. J*

        This is my understanding as well. It’s also worth noting that for the most part, no question is illegal to ask; but it is illegal to use certain information in hiring decisions, and the best way to ensure (and prove) that isn’t happening is to not ask in the first place.

      2. Hibiscus*

        A disability, criminal record (DUI, just got out of prison, suspended or revoked for whatever), stigmatizing poverty (like red lining applicants based on their address). People will do all sorts of things to try to discriminate against others as a way of sussing out “fit” or consciously or unconsciously maintaining a certain image in their workforce.

        I didn’t drive for 10 years because I didn’t own a car–my car died and honestly I was too depressed (and had bad credit) to buy another. I did get asked at my review about the car thing that year and I did say “ha ha, didn’t get a DUI or have epilepsy–I just thought I’d try the bus system for a while and I live close enought to the office and stores to walk to work.”

    2. Tippy*

      I think a lot of people just don’t have a clear understanding of what is truly considered as discrimination in a legal sense vs discrimination in a social sense. Coupled with the fact that some states/municipalities may have even more stringent rules than the feds it can get a little confusing.

      And all of this is assuming it’s US based which isn’t a given.

    3. Admin of Sys*

      I think many people jut misunderstand what is and isn’t legal during job hiring, and fall into if q then p logic traps. The chain of thought I usually see is : the laws are to protect disenfranchised / marginalized people from being discriminated against during hiring. Many marginalized people are poor due to systemic issues. Therefore, asking about socioeconomic status is a secret way to keep from hiring marginalized people, and must be against the rules.

    4. Strive to Excel*

      I’d guess one of two things:

      1) Socioeconomic status has a lot of overlap with actual protected classes, particularly race.
      2) People who don’t own cars may have disabilities that prevent them from driving, and should not have to disclose those disabilities (unless applying for a driving job, which is a different problem). So that might have some overlap with both disabilities and age-related protections.

      People also tend to conflate “you can’t use this info in your hiring decision” with “you can’t ask about this”, usually because once you know info about someone it’s hard to not factor it in.

      1. Msd*

        It seems odd to me to ask questions that are illegal to use as factors in hiring decisions. Why would you ask about car ownership if you weren’t going to factor it in your hiring decision? Just making small talk?

      2. Nightengale*

        what’s interesting is, I suspect most people asking the question don’t equate not having a car/not driving with disability, unless maybe the person is known to be blind. I no longer drive due to non apparent disability factors and outside the disability community, people don’t seem to make the connection unless I draw it out for them very clearly. Mostly everyone is just assumed to drive/have a car

    5. H.Regalis*

      I think it’s because a lot of people think they know more about the law than they actually do, and don’t have a clear sense of the legal vs. colloquial meanings of words.

      Also, law is incredibly complex and not intuitive, legal writing is not easy to read, laws vary from place to place; and even within that, there are all kinds of things to consider like does your local municipality actually enforce certain laws or not, which judge do you have for your case, etc. There really are not easy answers for legal questions.

      I’ve talked to a lot of smart and/or well-educated people who have assured me that XYZ thing is illegal when it’s not, or that there are phalanxes of lawyers out there who will take your case for free because ZOMG what your boss did is AgAiNsT tHe LaW!!!1 and that’s not how our legal system works.

        1. H.Regalis*

          Thanks, WellRed! That’s a really nice thing to say ^_^

          I also wanted to add that I get why people tend to react in these ways. I’ve heard some truly horrific stories and hearing those, you want so badly for the people who did wrong to be punished and stopped from hurting more people; but there aren’t actually phalanxes of lawyers running around who will take your case for free, and bullshitting yourself that that is so because you can’t bear to know that there is injustice in the world isn’t going to help anyone.

    6. Ashley*

      Why would you need to own a car for a job? This question would be a red flag for me as a candidate.
      I could be leasing a car or have an arrangement where it is a parents or partners car. The relevant questions to me surround reliable transportation to work or if they need to do out of office meetings a conversation about transportation to those. I could accomplish that without technically owning a car.

      1. H.Regalis*

        I think a lot of people, at least in the U.S., would interpret “Do you own a car?” as being equivalent to “Do you have reliable transportation?” If you own a car but it’s on cinder blocks in your driveway, that’s not going to be useful.

        1. A Library Person*

          Every time this has come up for me, that’s been the phrasing: “Do you have a reliable source of transportation?”

          It’s also worth considering the woeful state of public transit in a lot of US places- even some of our major cities.

          1. H.Regalis*

            That’s how I’ve seen it phrased too, “Most have reliable transportation” and the like, and if someone asked in a job interview if I had a car, I’d assume the same meaning.

      2. Charlotte Lucas*

        I once considered applying for a job as a process server. You definitely needed a car for that.

      1. ecnaseener*

        Oooh, thank you, this is what I couldn’t find! And that page even mentions car ownership as an example of financial information.

    8. Irish Teacher.*

      I would imagine the assumption comes from the fact that it is very likely to lead to discrimination, either due to employers assuming the possibility of a disability or thinking of socioeconomic status and I think people are often more optimistic than they ought to be when it comes to discrimination, in the sense that they believe they have more comeback than they really have.

      Now, I don’t think it would make sense to completely ban asking if somebody can drive since there are jobs where driving is necessary – bus driver, taxi driver, etc – but it is a question that could be used to discriminate against people and I suspect there is a sense out there that hiring is meant to be “fair” (look at all the people who post here asking “what did I do wrong? I thought I did a great interview but didn’t get the job. Is it because of this very slight misstep I might have made?”) and that there are things in place to ensure it is.

      So basically, I suspect it comes from people, probably not consciously, but at some level thinking, “I wonder how they ensure that employers give the jobs to the best candidates and not just to the ones they like. I guess there must be some laws or something.”

      1. Nonanon*

        Seconding; it’s one of those things like “do you have kids.” Sometimes innocuous, can be used for discrimination, the illegal aspect is “we won’t hire Waleen because he has a kid and Jane doesn’t,” not the question itself.
        “Do you have reliable transportation”? Yeah, sure, you can’t do a job if you can’t actually get there, but that reliable transportation could be a private vehicle, public transport, taxi, bike, whatever. For positions where driving is required, my understanding is employers would ask about licensing; “are you legally able to drive in the state of New Oklahio” vs “do you have a car”

        1. Irish Teacher.*

          Yup, I travel to work by train. I think there were…maybe 3 times in the seven years I’ve worked in the school that I was at risk of arriving late and I think once that I did – was maybe 5 or 10 minutes late. As one of my colleagues said, “sure, you’d have that many times that you’d have traffic issues when driving anyway.”

          And yeah, “do you have a driver’s licence?” or “are you legally allowed to drive?” makes more sense for positions where driving is a requirement.

    9. Hlao-roo*

      There’s a previous letter (“Jobs that require car ownership” from June 16, 2016) where the answer to is it legal for job ads to require a reliable vehicle is:

      It’s perfectly legal, though, unless it can be shown to be having a disparate impact on people of a particular race or other protected characteristic and there’s no genuine job-related need for the requirement.

      If it’s legal for a company to require a “reliable vehicle” than I think it’s also legal for a company to ask candidates if they meet that requirement.

      I’ll link to the letter in a follow-up comment.

    10. Bike Walk Barb*

      No doubt you’ve read plenty of good advice here about interview questions being directly relevant to job functions. Good reason to ask a job candidate about car ownership: Because the job’s essential duties require driving and you don’t supply a vehicle for them to use (in which case you should also be describing how you reimburse them for vehicle use for work purposes).

      Any other reason to ask wouldn’t be work-related and you don’t need to know the answer.

      If your question is about transportation, that isn’t a car question. Autocentrism is alive and well and acts as a biasing filter.

      I work in a public agency that for a long time had “Valid driver’s license” as one of the minimum required qualifications. This was the case on so, so many jobs, most of which had absolutely nothing driving-related in the functions. This meant that no one with a disability that prevents them from driving could get past the first screening of applications so it built in a bias against certain disabled applicants.

      I and others went to work on this and now you have to justify it if you want to include a driver’s license requirement if the need to operate a vehicle isn’t inherent in the job functions.

      Your comment about considering socioeconomic status in hiring raises all kinds of red flags for me. That carries a lot of embedded bias. How does “My ex doesn’t pay child support and I’m living in poverty so I can’t afford a car or dental care” relate to their ability to do the job? Or for that matter “I’m so lucky to be the third generation benefitting from inherited wealth so yes my haircut did cost more than your dress”?

      Consider what is serving as a proxy for something else and whether you can unpack that to eliminate unnecessary barriers to entry.

    11. RussianInTexas*

      In the US, have never heard of it being an illegal question.
      None of the questions are illegal, anyway.

    12. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      If the place of work is more than say 2 miles from a bus or train stop it could be reasonable to state this in the interview and ask how the employee will commute to work
      e.g. if the site is isolated and some past employees have struggled to reliably get to work by the required time. If it’s hardly ever been a problem, I wouldn’t ask.

    13. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      imo it’s unfair to potential employees not to mention if your workplace is difficult to get to other than by car

  29. Katie Porter's Whiteboard*

    How do you keep up morale during a job search? My field is pretty small so competition is always pretty stiff. I’m fortunate enough that while my current situation is unpleasant enough that I want to move on, I like a lot of my coworkers and it’s pretty stable. But at the same time, I get so tired and a bit hopeless when an application/interview doesn’t pan out because I know it could be 4-6 weeks before I even get the chance to apply for another position.

    1. ferrina*

      I used to buy a lottery ticket every time I turned in an application. I figured that one way or another, I’d eventually get lucky. It did help keep my spirits up.

  30. Cadillac*

    Hello! I am soon to be hiring for a junior role in my team. They’ll be an operations associate in a tech company department, managing department calendars, reminders, helping to make sure important things are done correctly and processes run smoothly. And where appropriate areas for process improvement and carrying out those improvements with input/supervision from me.

    My question: has anyone here ever included a task/sample as part of an interview process for a role like this? What did it look like, and what did you seek to find out from it?

    I’ve hired for roles with more tangible deliverables before and found (well-defined, brief) tasks very valuable. But can’t think of a task that would get at what I’m looking for, which is someone who keeps themselves organized and uses good communication and good judgment to keep others organized without making enemies.

    1. academic lab manager*

      Perhaps giving them a SOP for a procedure you’d expect them to be familiar with and ask if there are any ways they would improve it or break it down more for someone new to the process?

    2. Paint N Drip*

      maybe you can draft a sample ‘to do list’ and ask the applicants to rate the urgency or manner in which they’d address the items – wouldn’t be tasks that they can’t do without insider knowledge, but you can get a feel for their logic, how flustered they might get, if the list is immediately longer than they can emotionally handle, etc.

  31. curly sue*

    I work at a large university in Canada, and our HR department just announced that they’re changing their name to “People and Culture,” in order to “help us to support and lead strategic initiatives, improve collaboration, and continue to build and foster an inclusive environment and culture of belonging …” (among other bureaucratic bafflegab.)

    … if this were April, I would assume this was a late April Fool’s Day joke, honestly. Is this a new trend, either in higher ed or the private sector? Or did someone hire a Very Convincing Consultant and get taken for a ride?

    1. J*

      Definitely a trend. HR at my workplace has been slowly rebranding to the People Department and it got fully official this summer.

    2. Caramel & Cheddar*

      People and Culture is a really common rebrand for HR departments, so I don’t think it’s a new trend or the result of Consultant Brain. Well, it might be Consultant Brain, just not Consultant Brain that is unique to your school.

      I assume it’s supposed to be friendlier than “Human Resources” because that title makes us all sound like widgets in an assembly line or something, but I’d bet big money that changing HR to People and Culture will not result in the things their bafflegab said it will. It’s a coat of paint, nothing more.

      1. curly sue*

        Oh, 100%. We’re desperately trying to survive wildfire cost-cutting, skeleton crew departments and a hiring freeze for everyone except upper administration; this whole thing feels like someone’s painting the deck of the Titanic.

    3. ferrina*

      Trend. I know a couple mid-size corporate companies that now have “People” departments. It includes HR, L&D, and occasionally admins or office managers (depending on their org structure).

    5. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Yeah – “Chief People Officer” instead of VP of HR is very much a thing these days.

      Coin flip about whether they are just spending $250,000 on new business cards and mission statements, or whether they are actually changing any policies that affect the rank and file.

      1. curly sue*

        I know where I’d put my bet. And my foot, on occasion. Surely we have better things to spend money and time on.

    6. Yorkshire Tea Lady*

      Trend.

      I’m in higher education in the UK and the “Director for EDI” is changing to “Director for People and Culture”

    7. Best Coke Ever*

      This is extremely common in the tech world at least. My company has had a Chief People Officer for over a decade. But does it really matter? You may be new to the working world but this kind of stuff is pretty common

      1. curly sue*

        Wow, rude. I’m a humanities professor in my mid-40s; just because I haven’t encountered this particular form of nonsense before doesn’t mean I’m ‘new to the working world.’ I’ve just spent my time dealing with a different dialect of administrative buzzword.

        As to whether it really matters, perhaps not. But I was curious to know if we were leaders in the field of nonsensical departmental rebranding. I am incredibly un-surprised to find out we’re actually ten years behind. (That part is actually very on-brand.)

        1. Best Coke Ever*

          I’m sorry, you’re right that was rude – I didn’t mean to come off like that.

          But yes all I meant to say is that in corporate land, these kind of buzzwords are pretty common. Like in sales people are sometimes called “Customer Success Specialists” instead of salespeople

    8. Chauncy Gardener*

      A trend for sure. “Chief People Officer” is now a thing.
      Yes, I’m rolling my eyes HARD over here in the US

    10. Global Cat Herder*

      Very common in all kinds of companies. About 30-40 years ago, it gradually went from “Personnel” to “Human Resources”, and in the last ten years it’s changing over to “People & Culture”.

    11. Corvus Corvidae*

      My company switched over to People and Culture a few years ago. It felt… unnecessary? We did a feedback survey a few years after the change and 90% of the company didn’t know that the change happened/had no idea what the People and Culture team did.

    12. Anonymask*

      Yeah, our HR team is called “People Services” so this is just the way things are heading.

      …If they actually did things to service the people that work here, I might not be so BEC about it.

    13. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      I work at a company you’ve definitely heard of (not quite Fortune 100 but not too far off) and we’ve had P&C for years. It’s just the corporate buzzword du jour.

    14. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      All this rebranding of HR – it was “Personel Dept” when I started work – reminds me of the UK habit of renaming e.g. nuclear power stations and prisons after sufficiently embarassing incidents :)

  32. Cat*

    I am a high school English teacher. It is very common for my freshmen to forget what they read. I know many of you are readers…..any suggestions? I incorporate choice texts, modeling class strategies, etc., but I need strategies for kids to remember last night’s reading of the class novel. Obviously many are not actually reading, but I know forgetting is actually an issue. I also not looking to overwhelm with work.

    Some strategies I have suggested: put a bookmark halfway down the page to remind your brain to engage, write a question or comment every 1/2 page. Any other suggestions? writing something every half page ruins the flow for a lot of kids so I don’t wanna require anything like that for this particular assignment

    1. J*

      When I was that age in school we had to annotate as part of reading homework. It wasn’t graded beyond yes/no, but was meant to get kids in the habit of underlining important points, marking stuff they didn’t understand, etc. This was just in paperbacks we got to keep or in printouts—obviously wouldn’t work with textbooks that have to be used year after year.

      Alternate that doesn’t involve marking up books: everyone has to turn in one question they had about the reading, any question goes.

      1. me*

        +1 for annotation, and find some examples to show them of different ways to annotate. It took me a long time to learn to do more than just highlight sentences / paragraphs, but once I figured out a method that worked for me, it worked really well, to the point where I didn’t remember at all what I had read for homework, but when the professor called on me I could open the book, quickly find the information I needed, and intelligently answer her questions.

        alternately, have them make a summary / outline of what they read with what they think is important or interesting

      2. Nightengale*

        PLEASE don’t make people underline. I find it almost impossible to read text that I or someone else has underlined (or highlighted.) It effects my ability to scan text. I am otherwise pretty much hyperlexic. I am still grumpy at teachers who made me underline in high school as a universal strategy. (Trying it out on a handout sure, but not to make someone do it in a book if they say it doesn’t work for them.)

    2. Not*

      I would like this for my own career. Reading emails. There are things I need to know and I forget or I miss items after the first one. Can the suggestions for reading comprehension/rentention be used universally? Please let me know!

    3. ferrina*

      My 6th grade teacher had us write a sentence summarizing each chapter. We had to write it as soon as we finished the chapter, and it had to follow this format:
      [Character] wanted [Thing/Outcome], but [Challenge that stood in the way], so [how the character tried to address that challenge].
      I still use that formula to this day.

      Also- focus on the outcome rather than the mindset. You can’t force kids to mentally engage with the book (I’m a voracious reader, and I hated some of the required books. I will forever hold a grudge against Brave New World).
      What you can do is tell the kids how you’ll be grading, and expect them to meet that. Example: “You need to read Chapter 3 over the weekend, and on Monday I’ll ask you to write a paragraph on who your favorite character is and why. You will need to quote the book at least once in you paragraph. Now repeat that back to me- what will that paragraph be about? That’s right, your favorite character. And how many quotes do you need? Yep, at least one.”
      That way the kids know what the bare minimum looks like and they can pull themselves up to that level.

      2. Name*

        That’s a great idea (outcome rather than mindset). I also like that sentence structure to summarize. Thanks for sharing!

    4. Talk about it*

      Is there any way to gamify the knowledge? like maybe have a contest for
      Previously on Of Mice and Men

      and then get a kid to recap the last reading assignment. the class could score them and then whoever has the best recap at the end of the week wins a prize.

      1. sb51*

        Oh, fun tv-announcer-style recaps is a great idea.

        My only problem as a bookworm teen was that I never, ever got the hang of noticing chapter breaks, even if I put in a bookmark or something, and so I’d end up reading too far and then be worried about spoiling stuff because I couldn’t remember where that chapter ended. But that’s not the problem most of them are going to have.

        1. JustaTech*

          I was chastised for this repeatedly in late elementary school.
          Later on it stopped being such an issue because I was better at identifying things that would be spoilers, and because I was less and less engaged in the books I read for school, so was happy to stop Tess of the D’urbervilles at the end of the chapter.
          (Don’t worry, I transferred my reading energy to fun books.)

    5. Strive to Excel*

      Check in on content. What are they struggling with, and why? Is it something like Shakespeare where there’s a lot of new and unfamiliar vocab and format? Or is it a book they’re struggling to relate to? I recall a classmate of mine saying that when they first read Jane Eyre they haaaated it because it was so over their head, and then when they came back to it 3-4 years later it became their favorite book because they could relate so much more. If your whole class is struggling to remember what they’re reading, that to me is a class-wide signal of “this is failing to catch my interest and attention”.

      Now, part of English to me was learning to appreciate and understand books that didn’t catch my interest and attention in the first place, but at that point you need to switch from normal reading to active reading. If someone is forgetting what they’re reading, then there’s no normal reading flow going on to interrupt in the first place. Encourage annotating! Have them use sticky notes to write down questions, comments, thoughts, relevant quotes.

    6. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Book-club style questions that are chapter by chapter? I’m not sure if these are spoon-feeding or not, but if your goal is to have them remember and get involved in the text, maybe it doesn’t matter.

      “Think about why Character X lied to Character Y in chapter 4 – was it because they were embarrassed or because they have a scheme that will play out later in the book?”

    7. noname today*

      I used to have the kids complete a graphic organizer for each chapter. Included;
      Title of book
      Chapter #/name
      New characters added/characters who are the focus
      Main thing that happened (plot wise)
      Main thing that happened (theme wise)
      Thing you liked/hated (optional)
      Open questions (optional)

      Other options include having them sketch out a quick movie poster/storyboard cell for that chapter—worked well for the visual learner

    8. homework buddy*

      I help a now 9th grader with her homework. She also has problems retaining what she reads as a school assignment (i.e., pre-judged as boring). The thing that seems to help her comprehend books that don’t interest her is to say: what would you tell your friend this page/chapter/book is about in plain language. So maybe assign a one- or two- sentence plain language summary of each page (or other division) of text. Then in class, use those to spark discussion, like “who thinks Odysseus is an arrogant jerk playing fast and loose with the lives of his men?”

    9. Charlotte Lucas*

      I guess this is why they made us do book reports in grade school. (I hated them, because I love to read and wanted to get to my next book, not give a summary.)

      I second annotations and summaries. Also, have them write questions they have as they have them. This could also help with class discussions.

    10. Irish Teacher.*

      I wouldn’t ask them to write something every half page, but I would definitely ask them to write someting every chapter or two. Like “read the next chapter and rewrite it from the antagonist’s point of view” or “read the next chapter and write the letter/e-mail the character sends about y” or “read the next chapter and then write what you think happens after that” or “read the next chapter and write a newspaper article on the events of it.” Or it doesn’t have to be writing. It could be “read the next chapter and draw the scene described” or “create a poster for the event that takes place in it.”

      The assignments don’t have to be long ones either. It could be “read the next chapter and write a text message from x character to y character” or “read the next chapter and create a title for it” or “read the next chapter and create a headline for a newspaper article about the events.”

      I would always be careful about asking students to read on at home without requiring some written assignment or other activity because if they don’t have to “prove” they’ve done it, a lot won’t. A lot of students will even say to me, “but you didn’t give us any homework last night” if I only give them reading or learning work.

      And keeping the assignments more creative requires them to really engage. Things like “write a question” or “write a synopsis” can often be done by just skimming over, but stuff like writing the antagonist’s point of view on events or making predictions about what will happen next can’t really.

    11. Dark Macadamia*

      I teach sixth grade and these are some things I do:

      Explicitly teach and model metacognition. Stuff like talking to the text, think aloud strategies, context clues, etc. Identify a couple specific skills that are really important to your class (analyzing tone? interpreting symbolism?) and use the same process every time so it becomes a habit.

      Guided annotations. This can be a lot of work up front for you but doesn’t have to be used every time, more like “here’s what your brain should be doing, now keep doing that without the guide.” I have OneNote pages for each chapter as well as bookmarks (vertical half page) so students can choose a format. Example:

      They’re reading a paragraph where education is compared to planting a garden. Annotation guide has them complete the sentence “The author compares ___ to ___ in order to __.” Or if it’s a digital and editable document, the guide could say “Highlight the sentence where one thing is being compared to another. What do you think the author is trying to express here?” with a space to type their response. This would be like 5 things per chapter, 1 thing per page, or whatever makes sense for the amount of reading and what you want them to take away from it. I find it really helpful for getting them to focus on the right things whereas “summarize the chapter” or “annotate important lines” can be too broad and cause them to miss the point.

    12. Drought*

      I’d ask the kids who are struggling with memory where/how they are reading. If they are reading their book. My guess is the ones struggling with memory are stopping to jump on Tik Tok every few minutes. This is surprisingly still a problem with many of our new college grads. They can’t seem to stay focused on a task and constantly distract themselves with browsing.

    13. Qwerty*

      Part of it is that they need to learn to read for *understanding* rather than completing the task. Rushing through to the end or putting on the audio book then multi-tasking will let say they read but without actually processsing the information.

      Some options for them to try. Each kid will be different:
      – Slow down
      – Write down a summary of the chapter / segment when you finish to solidify the memory. Read this before class to refresh your memory
      – Take notes while reading
      – Put little sticky notes in the book to annotate points. Write a couple words on the sticky note so you know why/what it is pointing to

      My Honors / AP English classes all had us do impromptu writing assignments during class where we had to argue a point or discuss a topic from the book and include quotes, so the sticky notes were great for quickly finding key items. And knowing that we had to use the information meant we remembered it. By junior/senior year we’d be quoting the book at each other without having to look at our notes.

      Finally – make sure there is some form of assignment or graded item at the end of the book so there are rewards/consequences. Brains need to be incentivized to remember things – if the info is needed for a half-hearted discussion in class, then it might not remember. They need to use the knowledge, the same way that I have to practice algebra or calc to retain the day’s lesson.

    14. Pinta*

      I was just reading something about the benefits of reading out loud even for older schoolchildren.

      Could you end each class by taking some time to read the first few paragraphs of the assignment out loud to “set the scene” for them? You could also highlight things that are going to come up so that they know what to expect and what to be alert for (“In tonight’s reading, Nick is going to learn something unexpected about Gatsby’s past; we will discuss this in the next class, please come with examples of how this new information impacts Nick’s actions.”) Not so much like a spoiler, but more like a teaser. (Maybe building up to a future assignment where they have to write a movie trailer – style intro to the reading?)

    15. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      Look up “color coded sticky tabs for books”. I loved using them in college. Students can use different colors for different things, and use them to mark specific lines without permanently affecting the book.

    16. Nightengale*

      I see you are talking about not remembering the content. For a minute I thought you were referring to something I have noticed with my neurodivergent teenaged patients. They can’t tell me literally WHAT they have read. Like the name of it.

      Typical conversation:
      Me: How’s ELA going?
      Parent: not doing well on tests/assignments
      Me: what are you doing in ELA these days?
      Kid: silence or The Shrug, anyone who works with teenagers knows The Shrug
      Me: Are you reading books? Poetry? Writing stories? Working on grammar?
      Kid: Books
      Me: OK, so what’s the last book you guys read?
      Kid: I dunno

      Generally eventually the kid or the parent comes up with a book title or says something like “Greek myths” which then I can use as an example about different LD/ADHD friendly strategies to improve comprehension, test taking abilities, etc. Oh and this isn’t unique to English, the kids often can’t tell me what they are learning in science or social studies either. Yesterday I got “history” and eventually the kid was able to come up with, “The Stamp Act” which clued me in that it was Revolutionary Era US history. . .

    17. ElastiGirl*

      “What happens next?”

      You have to know what happened in the last chapter to predict what’s coming. Keep track of predictions so kids can feel triumphant when they get it right.

    18. BigLawEx*

      This is such an interesting question because I’m an avid reader and I have a high school freshman.

      At my age, I no longer care much about remembering what I read, but I’m much more likely to remember if: I’m listening to an audiobook while doing something else, or I read a paperback. I have found the sameness of reading on a Kindle makes it so hard to differentiate. No new fonts or paper types to help imprint.

      For my kid, he only reads paper/hardcover by choice. (My pocketbook has thoughts). He says it’s the only way he can remember.

      (Tangentially, there was a recent Dutch study on the impact of seeing artwork in person vs a reprint. The in person experience lit up more parts of the brain. I imagine the experience degrades the farther you get from a tangible item.)

  33. CTA*

    Question for US folks. For a student studying finance in college/university, when should they start looking/applying for internships? What happens if you wait until after graduation to look for an internship? I have a friend doing the last one and IDK how much that will be a disadvantage for them. They don’t have other internships on their resume. They have mostly retail/food service jobs for work experience.

    1. Name*

      As soon as possible. That said, it can be hard for someone who has to have a paying job do an unpaid internship. They need to work with their department and school’s Career Services on possibilities.
      It also depends on what they want to do with finance. They could get a paying job as a manager and work their way in to finance focused positions.

        1. Name*

          Depends on the company and it’s not limited to finance. Some companies pay for internships, others don’t. If they do pay, expect it to be low paying and part-time so they don’t have to offer benefits.

        2. Paint N Drip*

          Internships run the gamut in terms of pay, but in my limited experience finance and accounting internships are often paid – the student’s work can actually be helpful to the business (no offense to other interns)

    2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      I working in a financial company. My coworker’s kids start applying after freshman year. And they keep applying, because it’s no guarantee just because your parent works here. So yes, start early and apply to all that seem like a good fit, just like job searching. If your friend wasn’t able to do internships during school, but is able to do one or two after graduation, go for it. They will still be helpful for learning and for future job searches.

    3. Retirednow*

      Finally, a question I am expert at! I taught in our college of business for many years, and for specifically for accounting and finance, many students look for internships either for their junior or senior years. Many finance internships at least here in California are paid so they are extremely competitive. So anything they can do to show that they have the skills. The internship requires – which often have to do with software proficiency, Attention to detail and multitasking – will be a help. They don’t need to have done internships before, but they need to show that they have the skills to set them apart from other candidates.

      I don’t personally know of any students who have successfully completed an internship after graduation except for those who are looking to be CPAs for which there are specific internships to help them get their hours.

    4. CTA*

      Some more questions. How long is the interview process? Would it take weeks, months? Number of interviews? What is the length of an internship? 3 months? A year? Expectations for pay? Expectations for hours?

      1. Name*

        Each internship is different as each company gets to decide how to do things. All that information should be found on the posting for the internship they’re applying for.

    5. Chauncy Gardener*

      Absolutely as soon as possible. Does their school have a department to assist with this? They should get on this right away.
      Also, is there a reason they would look for an internship vs a full time job after they graduate? Normally here you do internships over the summers while in school and then get a job after you graduate.

    6. Hillary*

      Freshman or sophomore year, unfortunately. Summer internships are where you get practice and many internship programs are for current students only.

      If they wait until graduation they’re either (1) limited in what internship programs are available or (2) competing with people who have relevant experience from completed internships.

      I’d encourage them to apply asap, even if it’s for part time in the spring. Especially if they’ve never worked in an office before. The good news is finance internships often pay better than food service.

  34. Career Change?*

    Short version- has anyone had an epiphany that maybe you’re in the right job, wrong industry and you should look elsewhere? I’m notorious for being stubborn even when life is giving me signs and I’m trying to figure this one out. Looking for advice or experiences. My story below.

    Backstory – I recently got laid off (public education and ESSER funding ended). I decided to go back to school to get a masters in my field (HR; degree is MLS – Labor & Employment laws). In one class, I mentioned that it was hard to move up in the business side of public education because they tend to promote campus admin who have no experience in HR to HR leadership. As a result, I’ve had to explain very basic concepts regarding FLSA, FMLA, HIPAA, Title XII, and more to executive leadership. Professor’s comments were that it was easier to teach campus admin HR laws than it was to teach someone in HR how to run a district. I also had a previous executive director who told me that I would never move up without campus leadership experience. I did but I had to go to another district.
    With those opinions, I disagree. HR in public education is not about running the district. It’s about complying with laws and employment policies, preventing the district from liability. I compare it to Finance. You wouldn’t put a principal in as Finance leadership just because they know how to run a school. Anyway, I’m trying to figure out if life is trying to tell me something or if I’m being stubborn again.

    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      Sounds like you are ahead of your time. I have friends in education. We are middle Gen X. One friend is a “guidance counselor” (I forget her new, modern title, but it is in important to the story). In the 70s and 80s this was a job done by gym teachers who’d gotten out of shape. They were too young to retire and too old to play volleyball. They learned to read a calendar and navigate college/vocational school applications. They did not have the two master’s degrees my friend has. Now that position is valued for both educational and mental health knowledge and experience. This will be true for you in 10-20 when someone realizes that schools should be run like a well-functioning business and not “everyone pitch in and do everything because tax payers, parents and politicians don’t value us.”

    2. Hillary*

      I think you might want to think about your framing. A leader’s job isn’t to be a subject matter expert, it’s to enable the SMEs. Plus hard skills are always easier to teach than soft skills.

      Compliance is important, but it’s also only one part of a leader’s role and the nuts and bolts can be delegated.

  35. CommanderBanana*

    This is a small gripe, but our (only) accounting person refuses to communicate over email. Twice this week she’s had questions about things that have been submitted to her to approve, and she emails either asking to be called or have someone stop by her office. We’re hybrid, and I’m often on trainings elsewhere in the building that I can’t leave, plus my team travels off and on.

    1. ferrina*

      That’s deeply annoying. It is so quick to just ask someone the question in an email, and she’s adding extra steps. Bonus points if you need to reference something that is on your computer, but you don’t have with you when you stop by her office.

      1. CommanderBanana*

        It’s so annoying. She’ll send an email just saying “can you call me” or “can you stop by my office” and every single time it’s a question that can easily be answered over email.

        1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

          I’m asking the following out of pure curiosity. I’m not suggesting you do it, I’m just shocked. This is such outlier behaviour, that I can’t believe it’s even happening. Have you ever said, “no, I can’t”? Like full stop without explaining that “I’m offsite today” or “I have meetings all day”? Conversely, have you replied, “I really need an email for my records”

          1. Slow Gin Lizz*

            I mean, it’s not even petty to just say, “What’s your question? I’m in meetings all day today and tomorrow and if it’s something I can easily answer in an email that’ll probably speed things up for you.” That’s just basic business sense. But if you’ve tried that and she still refuses to answer, then could you maybe escalate to someone above you? I guess that depends on how much capital you have to gain, but I’m sure you’re not the only person who finds this annoying.

            (And I TOTALLY find it annoying; my old grandboss didn’t do this all the time but whenever she did, it bugged the heck out of me.)

        2. Blue Pen*

          If she does this, make the visit or have the call, but then summarize in email right afterward what you both discussed when you get back to your desk.

          1. Blue Pen*

            As in: “Hi Jane, thanks for answering my question on W just now. Just to confirm, from our discussion, I will do X, Y, and Z. If I’ve misinterpreted or misunderstood, please let me know at your earliest convenience. Otherwise, I will proceed.”

            And if she responds with a “call me” or “stop by” again, keep doing the exact same thing.

    2. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Is she trying to hide something? like as the accounting person, is there something she doesn’t want to put in writing?

      1. CommanderBanana*

        No idea. I’ve definitely had HR “professionals” that would never put anything in writing or over Teams – they always wanted to “hop on a call” or “pop by your office” so they could lie to you or later lie about what they said, but I have no idea why a question about something on a vendor request or expense report would be something she won’t put into an email.

      2. Blue Pen*

        A former boss of mine did this, even though nothing to my recollection would be confidential or controversial if put down in writing. It was very strange and very annoying because, many of the times, the conversations we had would’ve been better-suited to an email format because they were usually around action plans on how to address a problem we were experiencing.

        1. JustaTech*

          My FIL was like this when he owned a business – he is a terrible typer and honestly not much of a reader, so like 80% of the emails he sent in response to questions by other people in the office were “call me” or “come upstairs”.
          He wasn’t doing it to hide anything; he’s just a verbal thinker, but man it looks bad when people are trying to dig up dirt.

    3. Unkempt Flatware*

      I deal with this person right now in my job. I refuse to call her and have gotten bold enough (irritated enough) to simply respond with, “nope. I need it in writing like always.” and I copy her manager.

    4. Chauncy Gardener*

      I second refusing. I would just say “Need it via email, as always” For a Finance person to not want things in writing??? That’s really weird. Wonder if there are other red flags there.

    5. OldHat*

      Our purchaser is like this. He will summarize things in writing and documents the final result, so people are like this that are not trying to hide anything. I think he prefers to talk it out and gets bored and talking something out reduces his boredom. Even if the end goal or perimeters has already been set.

      The issue is that he makes ant hills into mountains. Or tries to rope me into things I do not care about. I care more that the vendor tells us when they will be doing the service and actually do it (usually they don’t show up, but last year they showed up unannounced at the end of the year to make up for service we canceled at the beginning of the year). I don’t care about it costing 70 versus 75 because selected a different payment option.

      I try to redirect him when it’s a Teams message. Asking what it’s about helps. But he will sometimes call unannounced and turns what has already been hashed out into 30 minutes. We overlap days in the office several days, so he likes to drop by.

      I’ve tried to voice preferences, like if I say no to wanting pens for my cubicle don’t give me a status update of who is saying yes to wanting pens. It’s reduced it, but it’s still a lot. I’ve focused on when he ropes me into long conversations about work things already decided. He does this to almost everyone, so I’ve approached this as this is a quirk. So it’s more on reducing this behavior rather than it going away.

  36. 8765*

    My company is somewhat unexpectedly throwing noncompetes at us, every member, as a condition of employment. I’m talking with a lawyer once a final version comes out, but I’m terrified and feel like I’m screwed no matter what. Anyone fight a noncompete and win? I don’t know how likely I am to refuse to sign, get fired, and then get forced to sign a new one at a different job, and I just need something, good or bad.

    1. Roscoe da Cat*

      I am not a lawyer, but I think, in the US, the courts have significantly limited non-competes. I think having a lawyer review it is a good idea. They may tell you that it is unenforceable and not to worry.

      1. Pay no attention...*

        I don’t think it’s the courts — the FTC issued a rule on April 23, 2024 that bans non-compete clauses for most workers in the United States and there are probably legal challenges to the rule. They’ve been banned for years in California.

        But are the non-compete conditions reasonable at all — like don’t give proprietary information such as client lists and budget/sales numbers to a competitor — or would it prevent you from finding another job in your career/industry, or demand something that is illegal — like you promise not be a whistleblower on illegal activity? If there isn’t anything in it for you, or it’s so restrictive you could never get a job again, I’m pretty sure it’s unenforceable.

    2. Career Change?*

      No experience but oddly, we studied this last week (getting an MLS). They are usually enforceable unless they require an unreasonable time period, geographic range, or other unreasonable restriction. Not sure if any of those apply here but you do have some options.

    3. When Is Retirement?*

      The FTC issue a final rule on this last April (barring them) but it is being challenged in courts, in like 3 separate cases I think. Some states also have their own rules – maybe start there?

    4. ferrina*

      Having a lawyer review is smart, but non-competes are not usually a big deal in the US. They are usually unenforceable, and unless you are high level or have access to very, very sensitive information, it’s rare for a company to go after someone for breaking a non-compete.

      I do know someone who broke a non-compete in a big way. She went to a company that was a very direct competitor, and she had a mandate to build them a product that competed directly with a product that she had built at Old Company. Old Company tried to sue, but New Company refused to fire her and just decided that for 6 months, she couldn’t work specifically for clients that she had worked for at her last 3 months at Old Company. She had to pay for a lawyer, but she didn’t lose the job.

      *Note that this is also dependent on the relationship between the two companies. In my example, the New Company didn’t care about pissing off Old Company (and it may have even been a bonus)

    5. RagingADHD*

      Generally speaking, any contract, including a noncompete, must be accompanied by “consideration” in order to be valid. Remaining in the job you already have, with the same terms, does not count.

      Are you getting a raise or promotion in exchange for signing?

      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        So, “hey, to keep your current job that you currently have at the same seniority with the same salary and benefits, you need to sign this potentially professionally hindering document,” might not be as simple as they think it is?

    6. Rick Tq*

      If you or your company is in California they are illegal and unenforceable if you aren’t the owner of a company. Full stop.

  37. Cynthia*

    Hi everybody! I work as an academic librarian, in a technology-heavy position, and for various reasons I’m interested in pivoting to corporate work. I’m looking at going into data taxonomy, or maybe data governance and compliance, something along those lines. Does anyone have any recommendations for certifications I could pick up that would make me a more attractive candidate? General tips are welcome, too.

    1. Damn it, Hardison!*

      ARMA, a professional association for records and information managers/information governance has certificate programs in information governance as well as professional certification. AIIM is an information management association that also has certificate programs. Good luck!

  38. Salesforce help?*

    My workplace (a nonprofit) uses Salesforce for recordkeeping. I suspect it’s messier than it should be, and I’d like to learn more so that I can understand and communicate adequately. My role involves inputting and reviewing data kept in Salesforce, and making some recommendations about how it could better serve our staff/org. I know about Trailhead but it feels giant and I don’t want to sink in tons of time. Any specific recommendations for beginner/intermediate level courses?

    2. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Are you an admin? That is, do you have the privileges you need in SF to rearrange how the pages look, which fields show up, etc., or are you just a standard user? If you are an admin, I suggest specifically the SF trailhead badges that are recommended for the Salesforce Administrator Certification (I’ll share a link in another comment). I know you said Trailhead feels giant, but the ones specifically recommended for the admin certification give you a pretty good baseline as to how you can move stuff around, hide things you don’t need on the screen, and clean things up to make it easier for you and your coworkers to see the things you need. There’s a good trailhead on reports and dashboards too, which can help you review data more easily.

      If you are just a user and not an admin, I’d suggest meeting with your org’s SF admin and discussing which fields and objects are needed and which can be hidden. It’s pretty easy to do, you just want to make sure you have buy-in from others that what you want will work for them too.

      1. Slow Gin Lizz*

        Admin trailmix: https://trailhead.salesforce.com/users/strailhead/trailmixes/prepare-for-your-salesforce-administrator-credential. You don’t have to take the certification test, and you don’t have to do all of these, but there are probably a few there that you will find helpful. And if you really do want to take a class, Salesforce does offer admin certification classes. I took one and it was really helpful, but if you don’t need to learn a lot of really in-depth stuff, the trailhead badges are probably all you need.

        Also: there are a LOT of YouTube videos about SF too, so if you prefer video learning to reading, check those out too.

  39. CheesePlease*

    Being a good LGBTQ Ally at work

    I work for a mid-sized company where leadership leans more conservative (we’re a manufacturing company). I heard from a friend in a different department (they work in Teapot Sales and I work in Teapot Quality) that a member of their team announced that they would be transitioning, shared their new pronouns and asked for support / understanding as things change.

    I don’t work with this individual and already have enough basic human decency to use people’s preferred pronouns / names and correct others if needed, not care about what bathroom people use etc. But I would like this individual to know they have an ally in another department, and moreover that I think it’s a very brave step to share with a whole team about their transition (especially this week!!). I try to keep political stuff off my desk but can add a pin or something. Is there anything else that has helped you while you transitioned at work?

    We have employees who were employed after their transition, but none who have actively transitioned while being employed.

    1. Elsewise*

      Can you put your pronouns in your email signature? It’s such a simple thing, but it can be a strong sign of support. A tiny pin or flag button, a safety pin, whatever sign you like- I promise you, queer folks are always looking out for those.

      A few years ago, I worked in a conservative industry, and I was the only out queer person in our entire department. A coworker sent me an email after some local anti-queer action, basically saying he was an ally and if I needed anything, to let him know. In a more friendly environment I might have read it as performative, but in the moment it meant a lot to me. It sounds like your coworker may not be out outside of their team, if you weren’t told directly, so it might not be something you want to reach out about, but if you do ever hear it from them, don’t underestimate how powerful a statement of support can be.

      1. CheesePlease*

        thank you from your perspective. I don’t want it to be like “hey people are talking about how your trans” so I think waiting until I hear from them directly is smart.

        I think adding my pronouns to my email is smart. thanks!

    2. Hlao-roo*

      Check out these two previous posts for tips:

      “how to get better at using a coworker’s nonbinary pronouns” from October 28, 2019

      “ask the readers: how can we help gender transitions at work go well?” from February 13, 2020

      Most of the tips from the first post won’t apply if this person doesn’t use they/them pronouns, but the tip to practice using a person’s new name and/or pronouns is good advice for any name/pronoun change.

      Links in a follow-up comment.

    3. handfulofbees*

      I love that you want to support them, but I’m not sure you’re close enough to do much for this particular person. My thoughts would be to add the pin, and also just set an example of treating trans coworkers well, which it sounds like you’re already doing. Honestly just being around people who treat others with respect puts me at ease.

    4. Cheese*

      I had a colleague that transitioned who I kind of know but don’t work with directly – I just responded to her email announcement with congratulations.

    5. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      A pin at your desk is frankly not going to be noticeable. And while trans people’s existence is currently being *politicized* it is not inherently *political*. You want to be an ally? Speak up for trans folks when you hear others say bigoted things. Be there for them so they don’t have to do all the work themselves. Don’t know what to say? Educate yourself, don’t ask trans friends to do it for you.

  40. Dissertation Gal*

    Hello!
    I am a fourth-year student in the School of Professional Psychology at Spalding University in Louisville, KY. I am inviting you and others you may know to join in a study about how different factors influence how individuals perceive real-world stalking situations.

    To participate, you must be 18 or older and must be a resident of the United States. You may be asked to read a short pamphlet about stalking and then complete a questionnaire; this should take about 10 to 15 minutes of your time. Your responses will remain anonymous, and there is no penalty for withdrawing from this study at any time.

    If you are interested in joining this study and completing the questionnaire, please click the link below. Thank you for your time!

    https://spalding.questionpro.com/t/Aa8QtZ3EQ5

  41. Singularity*

    A few months ago I asked about taking an accounting 101 course at my local community college, and I decided to do it. At first it was fascinating, and I’m still interested in the organizational aspect, but I am pretty bored with the actual data entry part. Which is kind of odd because normally I like making lists of things. The teacher wants us to learn all the basics, of course, so we’re doing all the calculations with a calculator and typing everything in multiple times. We’re not using actual spreadsheets or accounting programs yet. I was hoping some of you could give me some advice/insight here:
    1: If I got a short term certificate, would the jobs I qualified for mostly be doing data entry?
    2: If I got the certificate, how far could I learn/expand on the job before I needed to get a proper degree to advance in the field? In other words, where’s the ceiling? I’m not interested in making a ton of money, but I don’t want to get stuck really low either. I’m fine with being the person who does the low level work really well as long as it pays decently.
    3: How do I figure out what accountants actually do all day? What else is there besides data entry? I tried a few searches, but I’m having trouble visualizing what they actually do.
    4: Are there related majors/jobs that involve the organizational aspect without as much of the numbers? Maybe logistics or supply chain type jobs?

    I’m kind of torn about pursuing this. I’m in a place socially/financially where I’m currently doing fine, but there are several things that, if they went wrong, I’d be left floundering. So I feel an urgent need to get myself out of this situation, but everything that’s quick pays less than my current job ($17/hr), and everything that pays more takes a degree or certificate of some kind. I’m afraid that in the amount of time it takes to get the education I need, the crisis will hit. If so, then I might as well be taking classes in a field that’s more interesting (though I still don’t know which one I’d want).

    1. Name*

      It sounds like the certificate is for basic, entry level accounting positions. How far up you can go with that alone depends on the company you work for.
      Have you tried googling or asking accountants at your job what they do? Doesn’t have to be in a “I’m thinking of switching careers” but “I’m curious, what do y’all do in accounting besides making sure the money comes in and goes out without issues”.
      If the certificate is at your community college, talk to an advisor there or talk to an advisor at a nearby 4 year college that would be easy to transition to. I don’t know much about accounting but I know there’s more than just data entry (such as identifying patterns).

    2. Strive to Excel*

      Accountant here – it’s going to vary, but it’s more data review and analysis than data entry.

      1. There’s a couple of different roles that could get involved here.
      Bookkeeper – you are recording transactions. Level of data entry depends on how automated your company is. More common in smaller less automated companies, so it’s primarily data entry but it’s more specialized.
      AR clerk/AP clerk – you’re handling either recording invoices to customers and customer payments, or vendor invoices & payments, respectively. Low-medium levels of data entry, again depending on how automated the company is. Lots more data *review* – you need to be able to spot when an invoice is reasonable, when a check is off, and depending on where you’re working you might also be a client/vendor point of contract.

      2. It’s going to depend what company you find – a really good bookkeeper is the backbone of the small company. That said, at least in the US, you’re only going to be able to get so high without a CPA license, so at least initially you’re looking at low-to-mid 5 figures in HCOL areas (looking at West Coast numbers, I’m not familiar with nation-wide) and are only likely to get higher than that with significant experience.

      3. A full accountant does a lot more data review, looks for and resolves discrepancies, analyzes and interprets data to prepare reports, creates journal entries (which may involve any of the above), and generally keeps an eye on the flow of finances coming in or out. At higher levels it also involves some amount of forward planning and budgeting, compliance with applicable state and federal regulations, and review and approval of major financial questions.

      4. If you haven’t looked into project management yet, that might be interesting for you! Also, look into Cost Accounting (also called management accounting). It’s still accounting but it’s aimed at operations specifically. I’ve found it’s a very love-it-or-hate-it subject and people who do it well are a valuable crossover between the operations and financial departments.

      1. Pam Adams*

        I think something similar- the basic accounting courses are all facts and data entry, but once you have the skills, managerial/cost accounting is about using those facts to make decisions.

      2. Chauncy Gardener*

        Completely agree with Strive to Excel.
        Payroll Accountant is another role to lump in with A/R and A/P.
        If your brain is wired for Cost Accounting, it’s a great field to get into. There are never enough Cost Accountants. But I’m hearing there’s a shortage of accountants in general, so good luck!

    3. Igobymymiddlename*

      One thing to remember while you are taking the course. You do a lot of manual activity so that you have a better understanding of how accounting works. If you understand what the process is, you will know if the tools that you are using are working properly.

      1. Hillary*

        This. We did everything on paper/with calculators in my finance & accounting classes because we needed to learn all the steps. In the real world it was all excel.

  42. D. B.*

    A coworker just said that someone she knows, who works for one of our competitors, told her that he had heard our company is going out of business.

    I haven’t heard anything to confirm this rumor, but it wouldn’t surprise me. I know I shouldn’t make too much of it, but right now it’s all I can think about.

    Anyone else had an experience like that?

    1. Busy Middle Manager*

      Could be company is looking to merge/sell and not literally going out of business. Many companies do this for years before finding a company to merge with, so it’s not always a sign of immediate danger. So yes to your question but the actual event came a few years later.

    2. CommanderBanana*

      Maybe check your state’s WARN rules? I am not a lawyer and this varies from state to state, but it’s my understanding that even if a business is in a state that requires a WARN notice to be posted, they don’t have to actually let employees know they’ve posted a WARN notice.

      (If I’m wrong, someone please correct me.)

    3. MsM*

      If it seems plausible, then polish up your resume, put feelers out to your network, and keep an eye out for other job opportunities. Hopefully you can hold out for something you’d want to take regardless, but doesn’t hurt to be prepared.

    4. Best Coke Ever*

      Normally I’d think it’s just a rumor, but if you aren’t surprised that it might be true probably time to start looking anyway

    5. Pool Noodle Barnacle Pen0s*

      If you’re that preoccupied with the possibility, then there’s really nothing else to do except polish your resume and start looking for something else. I would definitely NOT recommend marching into your boss’s office and asking them to confirm or deny a rumor that you overheard.

  43. When Is Retirement?*

    Hi, first, my thoughts are with all feds who might be impacted next year. I have friends and family who may be in the same boat.
    I’m looking for advice from those at the state level – when you have a feeling your state might flip – what did you do to prepare?
    Is it just the usual networking in the year leading up to it? Which would start now???
    I am late 50s, nonunion, unclassified, on exec staff, and I may be on that ship this time next year after the 2025 election…..

    1. Just a name*

      I wonder if early retirement might be a way to preserve some of the benefits that you have worked for. Although I know the benefits are not great with early retirement. Just a thought without any real research.

  44. Commander Shepard's Favorite Store*

    I’m a woman in the US and want to escape for obvious reasons. People of AAM who’ve already done the same, please tell me what you do for work, how you went about the process, and especially how you found a job in the new country! Particularly interested in those who have no easy means of citizenship elsewhere and/or had to learn a new language from scratch, but any and all information helps.

    1. Don’t make me come over there*

      The almighty algorithm served me up an ad recently for a company called Expatsi, which helps people select, prepare for, and move to other countries. I have no direct experience with it, but there is some info on their website that might be a jumping off point for your research.

    2. ToLeaveOrNotToLeave*

      I’m a woman and US citizen working in Germany (because I have residency and speak the language), but I always maintained a home etc. in the US.
      I’m a little older so I don’t want to waste another four years waiting out an administration.
      After some serious soul searching, I decided to give up my US home, pull up my remaining roots, and work/retire in Europe. I can even apply for dual citizenship in Germany, then can live anywhere in the EU. That’s a privilege.

      I’ll attempt to answer your question in my next comment.

    4. ToLeaveOrNotToLeave*

      A young lady I know in the US (Jewish and LGBT) asked me the other day about emigration to Europe, specifically Germany (I know, the irony). My answer:

      1. Learn the the language of your preferred country as quickly and as well as possible.
      2. Save lots of money (10 – 20k)
      3. Finish any US training/education immediately (here: bachelor degree).
      4. Get a visa. I’ll post links in my next comment because that will go through moderation.

      Germany has couple of different visas for non-EU citizens. Yes, that’s you. Get used to being a foreigner!
      – Student Visa: With a bachelor degree and proof of savings, you can apply for a student visa and enter a (often English language) Masters degree program. Gets your foot in the country. I’ve seen a number of Turkish students do exactly that.

      – Blue Card: If you land a decently paid job in Germany (income limits apply here), you’ll get the Blue Card which is a work visa. You might be tied to your first employer for two years, that keeps changing.

      – Opportunity Card: This is a job seeker visa that requires proof of savings and language. It lets you into the country for a year. Germany has a tremendous lack of qualified workers!

      – Restoration of German Citizenship: A veery long shot, but worth looking into under certain circumstances. If your ancestors were persecuted in Germany in WW2 and survivors emigrated, you as a descendant can apply to get German citizenship restored (and retain US citizenship btw). However, you’ll have to find some sort of proof. The German Foreign Ministry might be able to help.

      2. ToLeaveOrNotToLeave*

        Also don’t believe people telling you English is enough to get by on in Europe.
        IT IS NOT TRUE.
        Most European employers don’t like that either. They might use that to beat you down to extremely low pay, which can endanger your visa. (Have seen that happen.)

        Also prepare for tremendous culture shock. This is a real thing.
        People will not be as friendly as in the US, you’ll run into all sorts of trouble as a foreigner, you won’t find your favorite snack in the store, you can’t read a form or your work contract, you’ll be lonely…

        1. Commander Shepard's Favorite Store*

          Thank you so much for the information! My two biggest issues are that I have no degree of any kind and only speak English. I am very good at my trade but it’s fairly niche (not something that *everyone* needs like, say, plumber or electrician). I took French in high school and have retained enough of it that I think I could jump back in and make significant progress in the next year-ish, but I’m a lot more concerned about starting from scratch on a different language. As for the degree, I was thinking that attending a European university to get an undergrad might be an option, but wasn’t sure how feasible that is (especially depending on how fluent I manage to get). Your links are a lot of help in that regard, I greatly appreciate it.

          Unfortunately my ancestors have been in the US for quite a while so I don’t think that’s a viable path for me.

          As for the culture shock…I realize it would be a huge adjustment, but I don’t think I care at this point. I’m an introvert already and don’t require tons of social contact, and frankly, people can be as unfriendly as they like to me if it means I can live somewhere that my rights aren’t endangered or taken away altogether. Right now I just want to be safe(er). Happy is something I can work on.

          1. Ismis*

            A trade is a qualification!

            Below are some links that I found from a quick google. I know that Australia has a skills shortage, and if you are willing/able to work in a regional area, that opens things up for you even more.

            https://enterprise.gov.ie/en/what-we-do/workplace-and-skills/employment-permits/employment-permit-eligibility/highly-skilled-eligible-occupations-list/

            https://immi.homeaffairs.gov.au/visas/working-in-australia/skill-occupation-list

            https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/skilled-worker-visa-eligible-occupations/skilled-worker-visa-eligible-occupations-and-codes

            https://immigration.ca/fast-track-high-demand-occupations/

            https://www.immigration.govt.nz/new-zealand-visas/preparing-a-visa-application/working-in-nz/skilled-work/skill-shortage-list-checker

          2. Mad Harry Crewe*

            Canada federal immigration is currently very focused on French-speakers, according to the immigration lawyer I spoke with recently. So brushing up your French could really help you out there.

            If you can afford it, I recommend speaking with a lawyer in your target country who can help identify the best option for your circumstances. Canada has a ton of different pathways, for instance.

        2. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

          I agree most jobs would require a high degree of fluency in speech and probably writing in the native language, but it depends on your field, how valuable you are and your choice of country.
          Also, if you do obtain a job, without language fluency you may not get much career progression.

          Germany has a demographic crisis – too few people of working age – and desperately needs workers, both blue collar and professional. If there are many other foreigners working at a company and no customer interaction in your field then you may not need to speak German e.g. some of the guys on the production line at FinalJob – at decent pay – spoke only their (non-EU) native language, no German whatsoever when they started, which was OK because some others there spoke their language too too and could train them fully. They also organised visas and guided them through the bureaucracy of registering their address, car etc. and finding accommodation. FinalJob has also had free German courses available for all foreign employees – during work-time since the 1980s.

          I emigrated to Germany in the 1980s literally knowing only “ja, nein, Dummkopf” – my field (Engineering R&D) has many foreigners there from across Europe & Asia, so in several manufacturing /engineering companies the working language in many departments is English. I’ve heard this is true for some jobs in tech too.

          I’m terrible at languages so it took me several years to gain fluency but tbh that was mostly useful for my private life outside work and dealing with govt departments, rather than my work where most meetings and all reports were in English.

          You need to find what is feasible for your line of work and if so, check that your employee will help with the essentials outside work: govt bureaucracy, finding accommodation etc. You can’t do that alone.

        3. amoeba*

          I know I’m super late for this, but need to add my 2 cents to this:

          I think the language requirement definitely depends *a lot* on the industry! However, especially in big international companies where you don’t work with the general public, we absolutely do hire people who don’t speak the local language. Some of them do learn quickly, some of them pick up enough to get along but generally still speak English in most situations, and some of them are, err, less gifted concerning languages or less motivated and never really learn anything beyong “ein Bier, bitte”.

          Source: I work in the German part of Switzerland and we have quite a few people who aren’t comfortable speaking German at all and/or didn’t speak a word of it when they were hired. Like, I’d say on my level maybe… 1/4 to 1/4th of people? In my personal circle, same – maybe half of us actually have a working knowledge of the language.

          My boyfriend lives and works in Germany and same there – his direct colleague is French, didn’t speak a word when he applied, has now been here for more than three years and still hasn’t picked up more than the basics, even though he’s taking classes. I believe he’s at A2 level now? There are also a lot of other people in the same situation in that company, and that is actually one of the more… traditionally German ones in the field.

          In addition, I’ve also been the one who didn’t speak the local language well when I was working in the French part – I was actually surprised by how little French I learned because everything in my everyday job and social circle was in English. I did speak *some* French, a lot of my colleagues never picked up anything.

          We’re in Science/Biotech/Pharma space, but I’ve had similar experiences with tech (had a flatmate who was actually from texas, didn’t speak a word of German, no problem at all at work – we did help him navigate bureaucracy, renting matters, etc. though!), and pretty sure we’re not the only ones.

          One last thing though – it does make it much more likely to end up in an “expat bubble” where you don’t really have many local friends. (However, this also happens to me where I live now and *do* speak the language – expats are often a lot more open/actively searching for new contacts!) But if you want to actually integrate (or become a citizen eventually), you’ll need to learn. But a lot of people do that once they already live here.

    5. Synaptically Unique*

      A good friend of mine applied to Doctors Without Borders. She’s also looked into some travel groups where people work part time for room and board, but you need to have your own funding source for everything else.

    6. Owlette*

      Once you have decided on possible country and job, see if you can find a Facebook group for expats in your field. We moved around heaps for my partner’s job and found a Facebook group waaaay too late that could have saved us so much trouble with registration questions, housing options, child care recommendations etc.

      1. BigLawEx*

        I second this. I HATE FB, but it’s really popular in other countries (to the point where a lot of businesses use it instead of a website), and the expat groups are gold as long as you ignore the inevitable trolling.

    7. BigLawEx*

      Choose some countries and keep your eyes on visa/residency processes. They change all the time, and the program that granted me residency is gone, but there are new/different ones. I got permanent EU residency in 2017 (the first time around). I split my time, but I’m self-employed.

      Personally I explored the Netherlands, France, Portugal, Italy, Hungary. Each had a path. Each was different. I chose based upon all of my unique circumstances. Most of my friends have chosen Germany, the Netherlands, France, and Portugal.

      Oh, UK is first because of language, but that’s changed a few times and I have no idea the current requirements. (I was thinking EU, though that’s not what you said).

      My expat friends who’ve made this move are mostly remotely employed in the US (greater pay, no language barriers). 2 work for universities. 1 worked for a big accounting firm here, then in Germany for a clothing retailer. Many international companies do their work in English even though they’re located in the EU.

      I also have a few friends in South America and Asia. (Oil and gas and finance, respectively). I think it’s all doable, just research, research, research.

  45. Nicki Name*

    My team is all-remote and has a terrible problem with people talking over each other in meetings. Does anyone have any tips on how to cut down on this? If not, are there names for these behaviors?

    There are three main things I keep seeing:

    1) Person A asks Person B a question, but Persons C, D, and E jump in immediately with their answers instead. It doesn’t seem to be gender-based.
    2) Our project manager has a habit of waiting a couple seconds after directing a question to someone who hasn’t been talking recently, then going, “If you’re talking, you might be on mute.” Which usually turns out to be the exact interval that person needed to unmute and start talking, so “you might be on mute” interrupts and delays their answer.
    3) A couple people who will just jump in and start talking when someone is in the middle of a sentence.

    I do traffic control in the moment if I happen to be running that part of the meeting (“Hey, let’s let Cassilda finish her thought. … Okay, Camilla, what did you want to add?”) but I’d like to name these behaviors and raise them to the team as a whole.

    1. Strive to Excel*

      Are persons C, D, and E the same every time – ie, is it a specific couple of interrupters? Or is this a team-wide thing?

      1. Nicki Name*

        There are more frequent and less frequent interrupters, but most of the team participates over time.

    3. Everything Bagel*

      What about just saying at the start of the next meeting, “Before we get started, I have a housekeeping item to bring up. I’ve noticed when we all get very engrossed in conversation, people end up talking over each other and that makes it difficult for everyone to hear and understand what’s being said. From now on, can we agree to try not to do that. I think addressing particular people to answer the question before we open it up for all to jump in.”

      I think in Teams at least there are also raised hand icons, so maybe you could encourage people to use those before they start speaking.

      1. Everything Bagel*

        Rewriting this for it to make more sense!…

        From now on, can we agree to try not to do that? I think addressing particular people to answer the question before we open it up for all to jump in will help.”

      3. Nicki Name*

        There’s one guy who uses the raised hand regularly, and gets ignored by the people who are usually running the meetings. We’d need a commitment from our boss and project manager, who are the one who run most of them, to actually look for the raised hand and… I’m not sure they could remember to do that.

        But the problem most of the time isn’t that people really have something to add.

        1. WellRed*

          This is the problem right here. If the meeting facilitator won’t facilitate, not sure what can really change.

    4. peter b*

      We have a similar recurring issue, and what has helped is for one person’s big series of meetings, she requested (as part of the formal level-set normal for that kind of project) folks to use the “raise hand” function on Teams. She was then very good about responding to people in order and redirecting folks to use the hand raise function, as well as having support to monitor the chat. This two-pronged approach isn’t now universal, but the clear expectations set and positive impact on getting through big meetings which do often devolve into talking over back and forth means that a lot more people use the hand raising to solve this, even informally.

    5. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Can you tell people you’re going to switch to the raise-hands feature of the tool?

      1. Nicki Name*

        I don’t have the authority to declare that. And again, people don’t usually interrupt when they have something useful to share. In example 1, they’re talking over the person who has the full answer, in 2, it’s just pointless, and even in case 3, it’s not usually something relevant, just bursting in with a thought on another topic.

  46. Noodle Bug*

    This incident struck me as funny, I think the manager handled it just fine but I was wondering if anyone had any similar situations arise?

    One of the managers, Penelope, who reports to me shared this incident that occurred on her team. One of her employees is named Katherine*, as far as I know she goes by Kate, she signs her emails Kate, etc. Occasionally I have heard people call her Katie. Recently she approached her manager and said that she was unhappy that some people call her Katie, because her preferred name is Kate. Obvious, right? We’re going to make sure that folks know that she goes by Kate. But then, a plot twist! It turns out that some coworkers who she considers “close friends” call her Katie and she is fine with that. (we are the largest employer in a smaller town, so we have a lot of employees who went to high school together, or are neighbors, that’s typical) It’s that she doesn’t want other coworkers to call her Katie.

    Penelope told me that at first she thought Kate was asking for help in getting her close friends/coworkers to switch from Katie to Kate, thinking maybe it was awkward for Kate to approach them. But Kate didn’t want them to stop, she liked being called Katie by this subset of coworkers, and only wanted Penelope to focus on the non-friend coworkers.

    Penelope let Kate know that she wants to support her in being called by her preferred name, and that Penelope would underscore this message … but it will be the same message to all employees.

    Penelope handled it correctly, but I’ve been mulling over if there would ever be *any* circumstances where an employee would have two different names they use with different groups of people. (Other than situations where a person doesn’t mind if some folks use a nickname while others don’t.)

    * I changed the name to another name that also has a lot of nickname possibilities

    1. the cat ears*

      It makes sense if there is a clear division such as coworkers/non-coworkers, or students/fellow teachers, or to make an exception for one or two obvious people like a spouse or immediate family member that you happen to work with. But having it be “friends/not-friends” feels a little close to that letter earlier in the week about saying goodbye to everyone except one person or buying foods that person is allergic to – it’s creating a division in the workplace where the individual action is not problematic in itself but does bring an exclusionary dynamic that will just cause confusion and drama for everyone on the periphery of it. It probably feels different because the intent is less overtly hostile, but anything you could do to reinforce that she be called Kate will feel arbitrary and confusing to anyone who has been told, basically, “don’t call me that, you’re not my friend.”

    2. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Some of this has to go back on Kat(i)e – it’s pretty exclusionary to say “everybody I knew before I took this job can call me X, but everybody I’ve met since then has to call me Y”. It would be one thing if it was just family members, but it sounds like it includes people she knows from much later in life.

      I have an extremely common (for the time) male first name. Top-10 name every year from 1950 to 1975. And it has an extremely common -y diminutive. And my father has the same first name (but we have different middle names, and he & my mom both hate ‘junior’).

      So I went by the -y diminutive as a kid, but when I got into my teen years I wanted to use the regular adult form. I was a pretty sullen teen about it sometimes, of course. But now decades past that, I don’t get bent out of shape if one of my relatives still calls me -y, or even one of my friends from when I was a kid.

      That being said, it would be odd if I made that demarcation when I was 25 or 35, and insisted vocally on it. So Kat(i)e is going to have to deal with the exclusionary & awkward ramifications herself.

    3. CommanderBanana*

      Kate can pick Katie or Kate at work, but I think it’s asking too much for her to expect people to intuit who can call her which. If I was new to an office and heard someone call someone Katie, I’d assume that was what they wanted to be called.

      I think this would be different if it was more clearly a nickname – like, she’s Kate in the office except her work bestie calls her Tinky or something – but Kate and Katie? Pick one at work and stick with it. Otherwise you’re just setting your coworkers up so you can be offended.

      1. Chauncy Gardener*

        Came here to say this.
        This is all on Kate/ie and no one else. It feels exclusionary to me and could just be very awkward. So what happens if she becomes more friendly with a co-worker? NOW they could call her Katie?
        Nope.

      2. Admin of Sys*

        This. And Kate can have a conversation on her own with her friends about how she’s trying to shift to Kate in work contexts, and is fine with Katie outside of work, but to please stick to more formal in the office.

      3. CorgiDoc*

        Either pick one and stick with it or genuinely be okay with both/either at any given time. I’ve had lots of coworkers who have two nicknames they use interchangeably (Liz/Lizzie, Jess/Jessie, etc) just fine. But they don’t police who can use on vs the other.

        1. Mad Scientist*

          I think a lot of it comes down to what’s reasonable to keep track of! I’m really bad with names, and if I heard some people call a coworker by one name and others call them by a different name, my brain would not keep up with all that, especially if it’s someone I don’t work with often. The people I know who get called by two versions of a nickname at work usually do prefer one version but simply got tired of correcting people and are used to hearing / responding to both versions.

      4. Jessica Ganschen*

        I also go by two different names, my legal/birth name at work and a related but different chosen name with friends. If someone that I knew personally started working at the same office, I’d rather tell them, “At work, I’m X, and outside of that, I’m Y,” rather than split up coworkers by who gets to call me what name.

        1. I have a name like Katherine*

          This is what I actually do- my family and people who knew me before I switched to using my legal name still call me by my diminutive nickname. But when there is overlap with others (at work is one example) those same people call me by my long name. There is very rarely confusion. I have a friend who switches which name she calls me depending on where and when we are within the same day.

    4. ecnaseener*

      Reminds me of an old letter where a manager decided his employees would have to call him Mr. Lastname until they “earned” the right to call him by his first name.

    5. Name name name*

      I have a couple of coworkers that are OK with short versions of their name among people who know them, but prefer to be introduced with their full name. So that’s what I do, and use the full name with other people, and it works fine.

    6. OldHat*

      I’ve had similar situations happen, but there’s only one where it was a bit more okay. We had two Katherines in the division, but different jobs/groups. One was very vocal that she hated Katherine and she was Kate. The other Katherine was okay with either. Their last names were similar (think Williams and Willis), so initials were not super useful.

      Usually those in her immediate work group used her slightly preferred Kate, but used Katherine when referring to her to other groups. She used Katherine on publications and conferences, though I think that had more to do with trying to seem serious, as those in working groups called her Kate. Those closer to her used Kate, but recognized her using Katherine to other workgroups to minimize confusion.

      The weirdest situation like yours was one of my temps. She immediately said, call me Kate in the interview and introduced herself as Kate when doing her tour. Image my surprise when my boss said that Kate told another person in the group to call her Katherine. Asked her directly, and she reiterated Kate… Figured out that she told women and older men to call her Kate. But her preference was that younger men should call her Katherine. She hated Katherine. Nipped that in the bud like your manager by stating she can decide which would be her preferred name, but she can’t use different names for different groups. Think it was cultural and she had mostly worked in retail, childcare, and call centers and this was her first office job in a while.

  47. Alice*

    Ok: my department is being told to increase the amount of time we work in the office, again.
    My boss is aware that I don’t like working in the office. But he’s also aware, and has told me he appreciates it, that every time they increase the minimum, I show up without complaining and I don’t play around saying I’ll be at the office but actually working from home.
    I would like to get some feedback from my boss about whether/in what ways my approach to remote work has not been working as effectively as would be ideal. Maybe there are some things I can improve, so that in my future dream remote job, I will knock it out of the park.
    How can I elicit such feedback without being perceived as arguing about whether the “more time required on site” policy is justified?

    Because I don’t want to argue about it – I get that that’s the requirement as long as I stay in this job. But at the same time, I don’t know what perceived problem the “more onsite work” policy is intended to solve. (To be clear, I regularly ask my boss, are you happy with my work, what should I consider doing differently, and he literally says “you are doing great work, keep doing what you are doing.” So I truly don’t know what I should be trying to improve.)

    Thanks for any advice!

    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      It can be hard to ask your boss “Why do we have this stupid policy” if he isn’t the one who wrote it. He might secretly agree with you that it’s stupid, but he has to carry water for higher management, and is stuck without a good answer.

      1. academic lab manager*

        True, but perhaps it is worth asking what the management was generally seeing that caused them to want more people back in the office, not what you are specifically doing.

    2. Strive to Excel*

      For purposes of this answer, I’m assuming there’s a good reason that your department is being asked to come back to the office, and it’s not “because we already paid rent for it/we like seeing butts in seats/there’s a low performer we feel like we can’t discipline so we’re taking the easy way out by taking it away from everyone”. Some of those might be true, but those fall under “your workplace kinda sucks, and you may have to band together with coworkers to change it/find a new job/accept that this is how this job is going to be”.

      With that said: it’s possible that it’s not your work individually (or anyone else’s work individually) that’s resulting in this. Things that might be impacted:
      * Internal collaboration within the department might be easier when everyone’s in person.
      * Collaboration with other departments might be easier with everyone in person.
      * Experienced staff are doing OK in their roles but management is finding that new staff are struggling to the point of not being able to effectively train (this was really really true for accounting, to the point where all the big firms were having problems with training new hires to senior staff level).
      * There’s initiatives/processes that got stopped during Covid because it was an emergency and now management would like to start doing them again, but they’re hard to do virtually.
      * Being remote/virtual has a negative impact on clients and customers.
      * There’s some sort of as-yet unidentified network effect at your company where work improves when people are in person, and management would rather get people back into the office because that’s a cheaper and less exhaustive solution than hiring a consultant/doing significant research, even if it means some employees quit.

      You know your company and industry best ofc, so it’s possible that none of these are true. But those might all be reasons.

      1. Alice*

        That is a thoughtful and – it seems to me – comprehensive list indeed! Which makes it a little awkward to admit that, well, I don’t really care about the reasons why TPTB are changing the policy. Good reasons, bad reasons, either way I have to follow the policy until I resign. I am emotionally checked out of the organization and I just want to maximize my personal development.
        If there is something I can improve about my own way of working remotely, such that my boss would feel comfortable saying, “yeah, she is great with remote work, responsive, good communicator, builds relationships, I’d have no concerns about her in a 100% remote setting,” in a future reference check, that’s what I want to achieve. But eliciting that individual-level feedback, I’m not finding it easy.

        1. Strive to Excel*

          Then it sounds like you just have to keep doing what you’re doing now!

          For the vast majority of the reasons I’ve listed above, there’s nothing an individual person can do to shift it no matter how hard they work. Remote work is a lone-wolf approach, and there comes a point where no matter how good the tech and how responsive the team there’s only so much of the lone-wolf you can take out. That works really well for some companies and people within companies, but not all.

      2. Hillary*

        This is a fantastic list! One addition – time-sensitive processes are slower due to asynchronous handoffs/delays. In general people are more responsive in person.

        1. Strive to Excel*

          Oh 100%. And it’s not just time-sensitive

          If I’m WFH and want to ask my coworker a question about something, I have to stop what I’m doing and format my question in a way that’s comprehensible over text. Sometimes with pictures. Then either she says “let me give you a call” and we work it out over teams or she has to stop and format her answer. Time for a quick question: ~5-10 minutes + work disruption for both of us, assuming she sees my question and has time for it immediately.

          In office: “Hey coworker, can you take a look at my screen, this looks weird”. “Oh yeah you have to change the Y setting.” Time elapsed – 30 seconds, minimal disruption, and if Coworker A is busy I can go to Coworker B immediately.

          The best tech in the world can’t shorten that communication delay unless I’m on a prolonged video chat, and given the option between “be on zoom call all day” and “be in office” I’ll pick in-office in a hot second.

          1. JustaTech*

            My last tech problem was solved by chatting with a coworker (OK, whining that tech support couldn’t help). Coworker isn’t in tech support at all, but was able to say “Oh yeah, that’s totally weird and broken and here’s how you fix it”.
            Wouldn’t have even thought to mention it if we weren’t both just right there.

    3. Qwerty*

      The advantages to on site work are usually about the collective team/department/company more than individual. A fully remote company will have different ways of solving for these items than a traditional company with in person work.

      It might help to look up arguments for “co-located teams”. This was a pre-pandemic term back when we all went to the office every day that argued for having people who work together sit near each other. So a tech team might have a pod of desks be 3 devs, 1 QA, 1 BA, and team lead even though only the dev report to the team lead rather than a few rows of devs, a row of the QA for all teams, a row of BA’s for all teams, etc.

      Individual work can be easier to do from home, especially if you are able to afford a dedicated home office. However collaborative and cross team work usually suffers. Many people’s interpersonal skills have suffered. Frequently the at-home productivity comes at the cost of other things like mentoring or responding to messages.

      A huge problem is the benefits are hard to articulate because so many of them are tied to subconsious behaviors. So it might be that there’s nothing differently that you need to do on your remote days.

  48. call me wheels*

    Medical appointments + a funeral in my first weeks on the job??

    Sorry if this is written in a slightly scrambled way, I’m absolutely exhausted. So a family member died this week, and another has been hospitalised (I think by the stress of the death). I’m due to start my new job 3.5 days a week on the 18th. The funeral might be that week or the week after, unclear so far. It will be far away enough that I will need to stay overnight for it. New job knew I had a family member dying because it impacted a call we had scheduled last week. I also realised I have 2 medical appointments scheduled for my first week, I already asked about moving them and the hospital can’t. One of them I think should be when I’m working a half day but the other one is midday Thursday and I’m supposed to work Mon Tues Thurs Fri (half day on Friday is my expectation but not totally confirmed.) I’m not sure yet if I’m going to need to stick that schedule or if I can adjust my off day for situations like appointments I can’t move.

    I think I should contact my new employer to ask about time off or arranging my schedule so I can go to these appointments and the funeral once I know when it is but I’m just not sure what to say? Having 3 things happen in my first 2 weeks feels so much and I’m worried about making a bad first impression of being ‘high maintenance’ or similar. It’s my first proper job after uni so not sure on the norms yet! Also this is England and it’s a college but I’m not student facing + I don’t think it’s the type of role where coverage is important if that makes any difference.thank you for any advice

    1. HomebodyHouseplant*

      Could you renegotiate your start date? I’m not sure how practical that is on either end, but there’s got to be a diplomatic way to just say hey, due to some unforseen circumstances I’d need to be out of the office more than I’d anticipated during the first couple of weeks after I’m supposed to start. Is it possible to move the start date for the position so everyone gets started on the right foot? Obviously you know best whether something like that might be viable but it’s a potential option. I’m going through it right now myself, I’m wishing you the absolute best in getting through this.

      1. call me wheels*

        Oh possibly yeah I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe I just lay out the situation and ask them what the best thing to do is and see if they suggest it. And thank you for the well wishes, same to you

      2. Slow Gin Lizz*

        Yes, this, and especially if the funeral is the week of the medical appointments too; sounds like you would be working basically one day that week? Do you know when the decision on the funeral schedule will be made? Either way, I’d get in touch with them now and let them know that you will have to take a couple of days for the funeral and a couple of days for medical appointments in your first two weeks. They don’t need to know if you scheduled the appts today or if you scheduled them months ago and only now are realizing that they are the week you start. If they are good people, they will completely understand all of it.

    2. DJ*

      As you’ll be working 3.5 days per week can you swap the days, or do less days 1 week and more the next?
      Explain that these appts were booked in advanced and can’t be moved as you discovered when you tried to change them. And advise unfortunate re the funeral.
      Sorry to hear of your relative’s death and another’s illness. My condolences.

  49. LizB*

    Anyone have insight into whether resume-writing certifications are useful, and if so, which one is the most useful?

    I’m an employment counselor working in a nonprofit. Getting a certification isn’t a must for my role by any means (and frankly most of what I know & tell clients about resume writing I learned here on AAM), but I need to have some kind of professional development goal, and this seems like a simple one that could potentially be genuinely useful. I’m aware of Certified Professional Resume Writer and Nationally Certified Resume Writer as two of the credentials out there. The latter seems to involve more actual training/CEUs, the former seems to be mostly an exam. Are either of them any good? Are they just nonsense letters to go in my email signature? Somewhere in between?

    1. WellRed*

      I have no idea whether it would be useful but in your particular role, it couldn’t hurt? As long as you keep AAM principles in the back of your mind ; )

  50. My Back Hurts*

    Looking for any advice for an emergency inter-state job search. I’m a trans librarian in Texas and I’m expediting my escape plan. I love librarianship, but if need be I’m willing to explore other fields.

    1. M2RB*

      I’m sorry you are having to leave your current home; I hope you are able to find a new home that is more welcoming!

      When I moved cross-country 20 years ago, I didn’t use my pre-move address on resumes. Alison has talked about how that’s become increasingly common, so don’t worry about dropping that piece of information on your resume.

      Are there librarian associations in the states you are considering moving to? If you have not done so already, I’d suggest looking those up. I’m a CPA and I would be looking up the state CPA association where I wanted to move – find out if they have any kind of networking info, look for member firms (libraries for you), and then look for job listings.

      Do you have family/friends in the state where you hope to land? Can they give you any insights on the state of libraries in their area, do they have contacts you can use? Do not hesitate to ask anyone remotely friendly to you and your concerns – I am sure that people will be understanding and supportive.

      I am going to ask my friend who recently left a public librarian position and is now working for a business if she has any tips.

    2. Ginger Baker*

      Piggybacking here slightly: it’s top of my list to find (surely there must be one, I hope?!?) a nonprofit/fund assisting trans folks/families in moving to safer states. If anyone has any insight I would super appreciate – I very much would like to donate to help out folks in this situation.

    3. Kelly*

      Hi,

      First, my heart is broken that you are feeling this way and have to create an escape plan. My trans niece had to do the same to get out of Florida.

      For the job hunt, if you haven’t already, I would suggest looking at ALA‘s job list. https://joblist.ala.org.

      They have library jobs posted for public, collegiate, private libraries, as well as remote opportunities if that would be best while you were figuring out what your next moves are as to your living situation.

      Take care of yourself! Good luck on the job front. Please be safe!

      1. RetiredAcademicLibrarian*

        I would also look at the Special Libraries Association Jobs page – they have a lot of academic and special libraries positions.

    4. Hillary*

      Consider joining us in MN. It’s cold but we have lots of knowledge worker jobs and the cost of living is better than most blue states. The Twin Cities in general and Minneapolis specifically have been welcoming a lot of folks seeking a safer environment since 2016.

      Library jobs are usually at a premium but there are a lot of corporate roles where your skills would transfer. HMU at marguerida2 at gmail if you’d like to chat.

    5. Hlao-roo*

      This post has good advice: “how can I find a job in another state without moving there first?” from April 19, 2022 (I’ll link in a follow-up comment).

      I did a successful multi-state job search a few years ago I kept my current state on my resume (because I both lived in State 1 and worked on-site in State 1) but I put a few sentences in my cover letter to the effect of “I am planning to move to [target state] in the next few months. I have family in [region] and am looking forward to living near them.” I think having my reason for moving on my cover letter and being able to talk about how much I liked [target state] and was looking forward to living near family members in phone screens and interviews helped easy any potential concerns that I would throw in the towel and move back to State 1 after just a few months.

    6. Name name name*

      The city of Philadelphia has been trying to staff up their libraries lately and I think it would be a friendly place. I think openings would be posted on the Free Library of Philadelphia’s website. Good luck and I’m sorry this is happening

  51. HomebodyHouseplant*

    Does anyone have advice about continuing to work through a fairly serious mental health crisis? In the last 2 weeks I have lost my 15.5 year old cat and my beloved grandmother. There’s family drama that’s also causing me a lot of distress. I’m behind on work because my boss was gone for an extended period for their own family emergency. I am just barely keeping it together. I took a mental health self assessment via the provider my work uses and to no surprise I am ranking severe on both anxiety and depression scales. I am clinically diagnosed and on medication already but I did book a chat with a mental health coach via the program to try to get some help. But I really do need to continue to work. I’m out of PTO thanks to viruses earlier in the year and honestly the thought of getting more behind on work is unthinkable. How do you get by? I’m definitely not all that productive. I don’t think taking FMLA or short term disability is an option for me practically although I could. I’m the only person that works in my office besides my boss. And I really don’t want to let her down. I’m not in any danger I’m just looking for advice about how you keep going when all you want to do is quit but you have bills to pay.

    1. My Back Hurts*

      Personally, I find value in a clear and specific task list. That helps me avoid getting overwhelmed by a mountain of work I need to do; instead, I can focus on one thing at a time. Figure out what to prioritize (high importance and near deadlines) and let everything drop to the bottom of your list.

      Also, try reframing it in your mind — you say you don’t want to let your boss down — do you think she is the kind of person who would want you to work yourself to the bone? That’s a rhetorical question; probably not. Give yourself the grace you know she would give you.

    2. Jaunty Banana Hat I*

      Oh man, I went through almost the same thing 2 1/2 years ago, right down the age of my cat.

      It sucks. You sound like you are doing the best you can in a really difficult time in your life. I agree with the other commenter that task lists can help. I keep two going–one that is the daily/weekly repetitive things I need to do, and one that is on-going projects/non-repetitive tasks. My goal when I’m overwhelmed is to check as many things as possible off of the repetitive list, and get at least a couple done on the on-going list. If there’s something I really don’t feel up for that I know I still need to do, I do something else first, and come back to it.

      It also helped that when I was not at work, I let myself grieve and wallow and did not worry about the state of my house/etc., because that was Future!Me’s problem. When you’re at home, feed yourself, clean yourself, and get rest. And make sure you take breaks at work, even if it’s just to walk outside for a few minutes. Do not get too worried about your boss; you helped while she was dealing with stuff and didn’t think less of her for it, and now she can handle things being not 100% while you’re dealing with stuff.

      I’m really sorry about your grandmother and your cat. Internet hugs (if you want them)

    3. M2*

      Have you spoken to your boss?

      A person on my team was having a hard time and family emergencies and I recommended they use PTO but they said they didn’t have any. I also recommended short term disability (our organization does a great job with this) and again she didn’t want that, so we came up with a short term plan together. I had stuff going on too but we decided what was necessary, and I helped out and did some of her work. Did it mean I worked longer hours? Yes, but it had to get done and it was only short term (a few weeks) and they normally were an excellent employee.

      Is there a reason you fell behind when your boss was out? Are you someone who needs a list of what to do? When my boss is out I usually get more work done. Come up with what helps you- the person who needed help likes lists so I have her make a list of what she’s doing and we discuss it/ I let her know if other things need to be done earlier. I don’t like micromanaging people but this person told me what they needed and I tried to work with them on it. So if your boss is a good manager I would speak to them and come up with a solution together. Can they hire a PT person or intern to help with menial tasks even temporarily? I’m allowed to hire a PT person (20 hours a week) for a few months a year and they do tasks that seem menial but so that we can get more important ones done.

    4. Tea Monk*

      I just give myself a lot of grace. my MiL died and the election happened and I’m chronically depressed. I just write down what the bare minimum is and then do that.

    5. tequila sunset*

      I recently had to get my antidepressants adjusted, but waited a couple months for the psychiatry appointment. Here are some strategies that helped me through it:

      1. Support. I have a few coworkers who are my friends and letting them know what I was going through. It was so nice to have someone that every time I’d say “I need to quit, I can’t do this,” my friend would remind me that I can do it, I’m just going through a rough patch, and they would help me prioritize things. I know you don’t have another person in the office, but is there someone outside of work you can talk to throughout the day for little bouts of encouragement? Example – “I don’t want to do these invoices.” “How about just starting with one? And then you can take a small break.”
      I also see a therapist every 2 weeks who was able to help as well.

      2. Organize to-do lists by priority/due date. I kept a huge to-do list, but got overwhelmed with everything on one column. What helped was to divide my to-do list into “do now”, “do soon”, and “do later”. I tried to pick only a few things to put in the “do now” column at a time, so I could easily come back and say “okay, I just need to work on invoices and journal entries right now.”

      I’m blanking on what else I did, other than crying at my desk lol. It’s really rough and I hope you’re able to get the support you need soon!

    6. SoftFundedAcademic*

      If I were you, I’d look into intermittent FMLA. I know you say you can’t bear the thought of falling further behind, but you may be more productive (and able to keep more on top of your workload), if you allow yourself some more time to grieve and recuperate. You could also talk to your boss and try to get better prioritization of your workload — what is essential and what can be allowed to “fail,” at least for a while. I’ve found being more focused on what is essential versus what I can let go is helpful when my depression is spiking.

    8. Goddess47*

      Seconding a to-do list. But be brutal about what goes into it. Find the absolute bare minimum of what needs to be done over the next few weeks for the office to survive.

      If you have a reasonable skip-level boss you can bring into this, go over the list and see what they can help you pare down or assign elsewhere.

      Don’t work extra hours. You don’t have the bandwidth to do that. Work your hours, take your breaks, and make you you take care of yourself.

      Good luck!

  52. the cat ears*

    Like many people I’m not really sleeping well or focusing much this week. I looked and I do have a couple days’ worth of PTO (we do shared vacation/sick time) but I already have taken a couple mental health sick days within the last month and I also don’t really know that I will feel better later. Should I take today off? I am a programmer. I tried to have a call with my coworker about some code I was writing and about 30 seconds into explaining it I just cut off my sentence and was like “I can’t f—ing do this, I’m sorry. I’m gonna go for a walk.” It’s like abstract ideas and general discussions of things just can’t stick in my brain.

    But maybe it’s better to just phone it in for the day and save my PTO? I am really having a hard time but I don’t know when or how this gets better.

    1. HomebodyHouseplant*

      Sending you a virtual hug. Honestly I’d phone it in and get paid, and promise yourself you’ll do something special once your day is over. Small victories. You can do it even when it feels like you can’t. You can.

    2. Sherm*

      If you don’t think you’ll “miss” the PTO later on, then sure, take the PTO — you’ve earned it, and that’s what it’s there for!

    3. My Day (they/them)*

      I feel this so hard. The end of the year is coming up, and if you can plan out what you’ll be taking for the rest of the year with some left over, absolutely I’d say to take the time. I did that myself this week and I haven’t been sick much this year, so I’m going to give myself breathing room when I need it.

    4. sb51*

      As another programmer: do you have any completely mindless but engrossing in that nitpicking way tech debt cleanup stuff to do? Almost all of us have something like that somewhere, and it can avoid needing to engage the creative/abstract bits of the brain while still grabbing enough of the remaining bit to be a distraction from life.

    5. AnecdotallySpeaking*

      This might be tough to hear but the frustration and walking away from a call is the kind of thing that can happen only very rarely, like once in several years when you otherwise have a reputation for being level headed. Take the day off.

  54. Goose*

    Would love advice on leaving an incredibly specific niche area–say I sell a leather jackets to pink llama owners. I’ve been selling these jackets for ten years to much success. Now I want to sell other accessories to other llamas, but llama accessory business is very vegan and I worry my resume will be tossed because of my work in leather jackets. How might I frame my experience when most of it looks like:

    Leather Jacket Sales, Llamas Inc
    -Increased sales of leather jackets by 500 over two years
    -Educated public on benefits of leather jackets
    -Designed custom leather jackets

    I wouldn’t want to work for someone who would dismiss me based on my llama jacket work, and I still love llama jackets, I just want to work in denim jackets now.

    2. Friday Hopeful*

      Can you just leave out the descriptors? Like “sell jackets to llama owners. Then describe your knowledge and how you educate customers without explaining the details. ?

      2. ecnaseener*

        Or if that doesn’t work because your actual field is one word, can you dance around using the word so much in other ways? “Increased sales by 500, conducted public education programs,” etc.? You obviously aren’t going to be able to avoid it entirely (such as “designed custom leather jackets,” probably can’t avoid that), but de-emphasize it where you can.

        You’re not targeting the people who would toss your resume without a second thought — no convincing them — but it might make a difference with people on the fence.

  55. Mimmy*

    Well this has been a week, and not in the best of ways. I was told the other day by my new supervisor that my previous supervisor spoke very highly of me but that the new supervisor isn’t seeing it. I wish I’d had the presence of mind to ask my new supervisor what exactly she needs to see. I have some idea of what I need to work on, but I feel like that’s not the full story. My hope is to ask my new supervisor for additional feedback when the opportunity arises.

    How have you navigated this emotionally? I know every supervisor has their different approaches, but when she told me that, it was a real gut punch. I’m not saying that I’m perfect – I’m always striving to do better – but after hearing positive feedback for so long, it made me wonder if my previous supervisor was too soft on me.

    1. MsM*

      Do you really need to wait for the “opportunity to arise,” or can you just go back to them and say “I’m sorry I was too caught off-guard in the moment to respond, but I want to improve. Here are my thoughts on how; is there anything you’d like to see that I’m not addressing?”

    2. Charlotte Lucas*

      To be honest, that sounds like really poor management on your new supervisor’s part. She should have followed up with details.

      I would ask for clarification, but I would also see that as a yellow flag.

      1. Ama*

        Yes definitely ask for clarification — maybe she really does have something actionable you could be doing better that your old supervisor let slide, but it’s also possible she doesn’t have realistic expectations for your role or there’s a misunderstanding (true story: I once got a new boss who thought I was bad at responding to emails and it was because she had the wrong email for me so I didn’t know she had a task for me until she stopped by my desk). You’re going to need more information before you know if you can fix this or if you should start looking.

    3. TheBunny*

      I can’t help but I can sympathize.

      I was told by my boss that I’m too friendly and need to focus on being friendly but not friends.

      Everyone who knows me laughs when I say I was told I’m too friendly and honestly, other than staying in my office with my door closed I have no idea how to navigate this and really do need to get additional feedback from my boss…but I really don’t want to have the conversation again.

  56. BellaStella*

    Another question:
    Does your company or NGO have an AI policy? If so is it public to view ? I am finding a few online as we are drafting one now. What do you consider good parts and what are bad parts?

    1. cactus lady*

      Yes, I wrote one for my company. I would recommend being VERY specific about what data can be input into the AI and how AI can be used (and also be specific about how it cannot be used). Then treat it as any other performance metric for staff – if they don’t follow the policy treat it as if they weren’t following any other policy. Data ownership was a big deal for my company since we work with external stakeholders and have access to data we don’t own. The fact of the matter is that right now there’s not much legislation around what happens to data once you put it into ChatGPT or other AI and companies like openAI are very opaque about what they do with it. We also mandated that all data that is input be de-identified as much as possible.

    2. Qwerty*

      Our policy requires have our security person approve of any tools. It does say what all the requirements are, but I appreciate that they don’t expect us to navigate it ourselves. Someone at the company will do the research and read the huge privacy statements and terms of use.

      When our AI policy got rolled out, we had a short presentation (like a lunch and learn, but shorter and cookies instead of pizza) where they went over AI vs Generative AI and what our policy was, gave examples of what we could use vs not use. And had already evaluated some of the common tools and placed them in yes/no buckets. Since every tool likes to roll out a AI feature and auto-enable it, this careful approach led to people self-reporting so IT could check if we actually were allowed to use those tools or the AI feature had to be disabled.

  57. academic lab manager*

    My graduate students are unionizing, and I would love some tips on how to deal with pressure to scab and cover their teaching duties. I’ve only been in this job for a month, so it is a bit tricky for me to put my foot down.

    1. academic lab manager*

      I should specify, they are going on strike next week, authorization has been finalized.

      1. Dasein9 (he/him)*

        Oh, you look a bit peaked and seem to be coming down with the flu.
        You’d better get right to bed!

    2. Solidarity Forever*

      1) Follow collective organizing principles if you can–are there other colleagues, lateral or higher up, who can present a united stance? Can you speak to how important your grad students are for making your work possible, and demonstrate how covering their duties would in fact interfere with your priorities/key responsibilities?
      2) See if the union has provided any language, tips, or specific ways to show support. Do those things. My grad union was pretty good about trying to make it easy for faculty to see how what we were asking for would benefit faculty and students, without asking especially vulnerable staff/faculty to put themselves at risk.
      3) Remember that you, like your grad students, deserve to be compensated for your labor. Follow your contract. Your job is your job for a reason, and teaching duties are separate for a reason. I doubt that you or any of your lateral colleagues want a whole additional unpaid job.

    3. Indolent Libertine*

      Are you, as a faculty member, unionized yourself? If so, then your CBA almost certainly has language in it protecting you from being required to cross a picket line.

  58. JustaTech*

    How do I write a glowing review for someone who has really gone above and beyond this year, when I have been told several times that promotions are *highly* unlikely?

    This is really two questions: what makes a glowing review convincing, and how do I write it when I (and the person I am reviewing) have been told repeatedly that promotions are basically off the table?
    This is my first time writing an annual review for someone else and I want to be sure that it’s super clear in the review that this person has taken on major essential tasks way (way) outside their job description/ job function and done really well at those projects. Like, I think that they deserve a 5/5 rating because without them we would have missed several major deadlines.
    Should I go into a lot of detail about the specific tasks? Emphasize their collaboration?

    Then, are there things I should hold back on saying because I’m pretty sure they’re not going to be considered for a promotion (even though everyone says they deserve it)? Or should I just lay it all out and hope management sees reason?

    1. Strive to Excel*

      Leave a full and honest review. Even if a promotion won’t happen, other good things *might*. Reviews don’t just exist to show that someone is qualified for a promotion. If you think they deserve a 5/5, give them a 5/5!

    2. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      First a question – why are promotions off the table? No budget or anticipated tough business conditions in the near future? General office politics? Promotion freeze because of shenanigans in the past? Something that your employee has done? The answer to that may change how you talk to your employee about the evaluation.

      Then the advice: separate the two things.
      * 5/5 and going way outside their job description are things that the *employee* controls.
      * Getting a raise or promotion are things that the *business and the market* control.

      You can say (but I would not write) “Normally, doing this would mean you’d get XX – but since (reason), it’s probably not going to happen.”

      1. JustaTech*

        Why are promotions off the table: “budget”. I don’t know how much I believe this as it’s always been the reason for not promoting people. That and “we’re only allowed 2 promotions for the whole department, don’t you think that [seriously underpaid person] deserves it?”
        A bunch of people got laid off this year, and then others quit and weren’t replaced, so it’s not 100% BS, but it’s not the whole truth.

        Also, we’ve had several rounds of upper management who strongly believe that no one should ever get a rating other than 3/5. I think this is some antiquated stack-rank 90’s nonsense, but no one has asked me.

        It’s not past shenanigans, it’s not anything this person has done, it’s a total unwillingness to reward hard work.
        (I have also been told that even though I have taken on the role and responsibilities of management, it is highly unlikely I will get the management title or pay.)

    3. ferrina*

      Give an honest account of the year. Be specific about the outcome, be specific about how they contributed to that outcome. Write it like you’ll need to reference it in 2 years. Don’t hold anything back- that doesn’t do anyone any favors.

      Your goal is to create a trail of documentation of their good work so that you can put them forward for opportunities when those opportunities appear. Promotions aren’t always available- that’s a fact of business. But when the opportunity does arrive (either for promotion, raise or other great opportunities), you have a strong argument for why this person is a great candidate. Don’t expect that you’ll remember all the details in 6 month/a year/etc.- use the annual review as a tool for yourself as well, so you can refresh your memory on this person’s achievements.

    4. Dinwar*

      “what makes a glowing review convincing”

      Specifics. What did they do, why was it extraordinary, and how did it impact the project/client/company? For example, I had someone recently who implemented a new technology that greatly simplified a routine process we do, which in turn freed up a bunch of person-hours each week. This is a measurable, verifiable thing that made direct positive impacts on our ability to do our work, and upper-level folks eat that up. Also, specifics on how they interacted with others. The ability to interact with a diverse group is critical in many roles, moreso as you move up the ladder. Documented ability to work with a wide variety of people is good; it’s gotten me a few positions in the past!

      Second, talk to the employee about their mid- and long-term career goals. If the work they do feeds into a promotion, point out how they’re building those skills. If they’re trying to simply be better at the job they’re in (not a bad thing!), paint that picture. You want it to synergize with the employee’s career goals as much as possible because that will maximize the impact of your review. It doesn’t do me any good if you’re praising my teapot painting when I’m trying to get into project management!

      “how do I write it when I (and the person I am reviewing) have been told repeatedly that promotions are basically off the table?”

      Same way you would otherwise. This is why you need to synergize with the employee’s career goals. You’re not making a one-time statement here; you’re building foundations and establishing trends. If folks see that this person excels at X consistently they’ll be more likely to get a promotion in the future. Anyone can have a good day or a good project; consistent high performance is what they’re going to look for. And remember, reviews are a form of documentation. If the person’s boss can say “This employee has been an outstanding performer in these areas for the past five years” that’s a huge mark in favor of that employee.

    5. WantonSeedStitch*

      What makes a glowing review in my workplace:
      1) If there are specific qualities that are highly valued in your workplace, be sure to mention how the work the person has done demonstrates those qualities. “Judy has shown a highly proactive attitude in identifying problems X and Y and proposing viable solutions.” “Judy’s work on implementing A and B showed great collaborative skills in co-creating the implementation process with stakeholders from the Green and Blue teams.”

      2) Be specific about the fact that the tasks are not part of the job description. State it outright. Don’t assume HR knows it, or even higher-ups in your own department. If the work outside their job description is work that is in line with the role to which they should be promoted, say so: “Judy took on tasks A and B, which would ordinarily be the responsibility of a Level 3 Worker, rather than a Level 2 like Judy.”

      3) Discuss the impact of the work (“because Judy did this, we were able to deliver X and Y on deadline, which would have been impossible without her help.”)

      4) Don’t hold anything back. You want all this to be on the record. If a promotion becomes a possibility at a later date, you will have it all there to point to.

    6. Qwerty*

      Advocate for the promotion even if it won’t happen. You are building a stronger case for next time around.

      I just had this conversation with my boss. I have someone who I’m on the edge of whether they should be promoted. I decided to go for it, knowing it will be denied due to budget, but my boss is now inclined to promote this person in 6months at our next review cycle. If I didn’t do it this round, I don’t think they would be getting it in the next round.

  59. Mom of Two Littles*

    What’s your take on this situation? My boss is in a bit of a frenzy because end-of-year is fast approaching and our team has a lot to get done. Boss is not great and quite reactive so my guess is they heard what other teams are doing and now want to compete (ugh!).

    But boss has said that they want me to take on a project manager role for the whole team to ensure we’re all on task and know who is doing what/whats coming down the pipeline. The team is only boss, me and my coworker.

    My coworker and I support each other a lot and they are my only ally at work since our boss sucks and we don’t get to work with a lot of teams.
    Coworker, I’ll call Pat, has made comments about me babysitting them with this new assignment of mine. I don’t view it that way, it just seems like I’m supposed to organize our many tasks and help the whole team (including myself) stay on task.
    If one of your coworkers was tasked with project managing, would you feel like they were managing you? I want to see if I’m way off base?

    I also don’t want our working relationship to suffer from this because Pat is one of the only things that makes this job manageable due to who our boss is.

    1. Pomodoro Sauce*

      In your shoes I’d be very frank with Pat that you think that this is your boss continuing to be weird and that you value your working relationship with them a lot — and then try to collaborate on a way to provide the work products your boss wants with minimal disruption to Pat.

      Because you’re new to project management, it’s possible you’re being a little intrusive — and an honest discussion about where you are can soothe a lot of ruffled feathers. It’s also possible that Pat is uncomfortable with you in a role that has some oversight — I know when beloved coworkers at toxic jobs took on management duties, I worried that they’d get sucked into the toxic management clique, and I resented that they were getting a task with universally applicable job skills. Them being open with me (and time proving that they weren’t becoming abusive like our supervisors) made up for a lot of this — and when I moved into similar roles, I also used that strategy to good effect.

    2. ferrina*

      Ugh, your boss created a weird dynamic. It’s weird to have one person project manage when only two people are there and both are currently managing their own projects. No wonder Pat is a bit sour.

      How to fix this- take Pat for a coffee offsite. Say that you’re a little weirded out, that you don’t want Pat to feel like you are babysitting because Pat is one of the few things that make the job bearable. Ask for Pat’s help in defining your new responsibility- can you take some administrative tasks off of Pat’s plate? Are there tasks that you can “delegate” to Pat? (i.e., if you make an Excel framework and Pat updates their parts of that framework?). Project management can be similar to executive assistant- you are making the list of who is doing what so everyone else can focus on actually doing the what. I’ve worked with teams where the PM is actually the most junior member of the team, because the rest of the team is high level experts who are busy doing the thing they are experts in.

      Good luck!

    3. Friday Hopeful*

      Just split the duties with Pat. Say hey Pat is in charge of coordinating all the communications and i am in charge of coordinating the spreadsheets. Or something like that. You don’t necessarily need to ask your boss permission, just ask Pat to work with you.

  60. Pomodoro Sauce*

    My new boss has taken on a very important project with a short timeline. He’s been on the job about six months and hasn’t been through the full development cycle of a project yet. He’s confident in his skills to execute these projects, but he isn’t there yet — it is a detailed process with a lot of snags and he hasn’t yet gotten to the point in any project where those snags become an issue. For most projects, we can course-correct when snags become apparent. It slows things down, and it’s frustrating that he won’t listen to me about how to avoid the snags, but the only consequence is extra work in the future. 

    However, there’s a project with a short timeline, a less-used version of the process, and a high impact. He’s already used the wrong version of several background files because he won’t accept help — and he’s committed to undertaking the entire process on his own.

    In addition, this requires pretty significant input from stakeholders, and he’s afraid to email outside of our organization. (This is something he told me directly as an excuse for why other contacts hadn’t been made, it’s not conjecture.)

    My grandboss tends to be pretty hands off with our section, because she’s got a lot on her plate and I have kept the wheels on pretty well for the last couple of years before my new boss came on, so attempts to be like “he hasn’t followed XYZ process” have not communicated the severity of the issue. She’s usually pretty attentive — though again, most of our communication was before my boss was hired, and it was mostly “Issue A has arisen, I’m going to do B about it” so I don’t know how she responds when more active management is needed.

    I’m also really frustrated, because I am skilled at a complicated process and I can’t get my boss to listen to me. I am also doubtful that he’d listen to anything more gentle than a direct order from my grandboss — and possibly not even then. But then, my boss has clearly told me he’s taking the lead on a project and doesn’t need help — should I just trust that he has it? (He absolutely doesn’t have it.)

    1. ferrina*

      Let him fail. Unless people will actually die, allow the project to fail. Your grandboss needs to see how your boss functions; she needs this as evidence of whether your boss is in the right role.
      Stay in your lane, and let this play out. Trust me, trying to cover for him now will just put you in a harder place in the future.

    2. Goddess47*

      Make one last offer to help, in writing, so you don’t go down in flames with him.

      Even if your offer is face-to-face, send an email to summarize. Since your boss won’t listen, keep your tone business-like. “Just to confirm that we discussed my offer of assistance in this project, to do X, and you indicated you did not need my assistance. I am still available to assist if you need that help at a later date.”

      Then, let him fail…

      Sorry. Good luck to you!

  61. NGOhmigod*

    I could use some suggestions for a work situation I’m in.

    I’m the manager of a division of a non-profit. I have six direct reports, two full-time and four part-time. I report to the executive director but have a fair bit of autonomy.

    One of my full-time people, let’s call her Abigail, is a rock star. The other, Becky, is adequate. She does satisfactory work most of the time. Doesn’t show much initiative. Requires a lot more hand-holding and prodding on projects. But she’s dependable and does routine tasks well.

    A new-ish part-time employee, Cathy, is amazing. She’s done more than Becky for the organization only working half time. She desperately wants to be full-time.

    I only have the budget for two full-time people. I’m afraid we’re going to lose Cathy because she needs a full-time role. I’d swap Becky and Cathy in a heartbeat if I didn’t think it would torpedo morale. Becky is *fine* – I wouldn’t think of getting rid of her if I didn’t have Cathy waiting in the wings kicking butt and basically wanting Becky’s job.

    What to do? Try to get the ED to agree to add a third full-time role? Try to get Becky to step down to part-time or transfer to another division? Keep Cathy as happy as possible for as long as possible working part-time and accept we might lose her? The other part-time people have been with the organization for years, enjoy working part-time, and are unlikely to leave. So there’s not really an option to combine two part-time roles into one full-time one.

    1. ferrina*

      I can’t tell you what you should do because a lot depends on your leadership style, the organization’s cultures and expectations.

      I can tell you what I would do. I will also add that I am good at selling messages and don’t mind playing political games.
      I would re-evaluate the job descriptions of the full-time roles. I would couple this with a couple strategic initiatives that I want to do in the next year. This would be a smokescreen for increasing the responsibility of Becky’s role to a level that she can’t handle, with a bonus of you can try to hit some of your more ambitious visions for the organization. Then I would have 1:1 discussions with both Abigail and Becky. I would be careful to make the new description something that Abigail is already meeting, and maybe add a title boost so she feels recognized. Then I would talk to Becky that I have serious concerns about her ability to meet these goals. I would offer her either a PIP, or a guaranteed part-time role. Then I would post the FT role, make sure Cathy knows about it, and hire Cathy. (you need to make it technically competitive so it doesn’t look like a blatant switch. plus there’s the outside chance you find someone else who is even more amazing).
      This strategy isn’t for everyone, and I’m not saying I recommend it, but that’s what I would do.

      1. Daphne*

        “This would be a smokescreen for increasing the responsibility of Becky’s role to a level that she can’t handle”

        That’s a dick move.

  62. Lottie*

    What do you do when your manager pushes things off on you last minute?

    My boss has been unresponsive to my voicing concerns about not having enough time for my workload and also frequently tells me how limited his time is. I’m an IC with a pretty specific focus area, but I get assignments from my boss that are essentially things he doesn’t want to do/doesn’t have time to do and are sometimes outside my focus area. The difficult part of this is that he’ll say he’s working on X for weeks (or, in one case, even months) and then 1-3 days before the due date, he’ll tell me he doesn’t have time and ask me to do X, which it turns out he hasn’t even started. Right now, I’m not sure how successful I can be raising this with him directly.

    1. Margaret Cavendish*

      Start by saying yes. “Sure, I can do X. I’m also working on Y and Z, so I’ll need to push those to next month, is that okay?” Then document that – even if you have the conversation verbally, send him an email saying “just to confirm, we agreed that I need to start working on X right away, which means Y and Z will be delayed until mid-December.”

      Then next week when he wants you to start working on W, you can remind him that he just said your priority was X, and is that still the case or should you now shift to W? What will be the impact on X if you do that? What about Y and Z, are they still on the table? Ideally, this will help your boss understand the impact of what he’s asking, rather than just dropping it on your desk and running away.

      It works a good amount of the time, but not all the time – there are some bosses who will tell you that everything is a top priority and you just have to figure it out on your own. In that case, there’s not much you can do other than keep documenting. Every week, send them an email with a status update, including the projects that have been delayed. He may not read the email or care, but you’re doing your part by being transparent and accountable. Good luck!

    2. Qwerty*

      Everything needs to be a trade off. If he needs you to do X, let him know the impact to Y and Z and let him decide if that is worth it. Right now you are doing his work in addition to your own. Everything is getting done, so why would he change? Escalate the pain points to the decision maker.

  63. Margaret Cavendish*

    I’m the business lead on a teapot painting project at my work. And as it happens, I’m also the only person with subject matter expertise in teapots – everyone else is IT, project management, or corporate comm’s, plus several layers of executive oversight.

    When we were first planning the project, I said we couldn’t just jump right into the painting phase, as we needed to consult with the business first. Things like how many teapots do they have, whether they should be painted or glazed, what colours do they need, and so on. Normally this process should take at least six months. But every time I said that, I was told that we didn’t have time – we had six months to do the entire project, and we would just have to figure it out.

    So we decided to do the consultations at the same time as the painting. And you’ll never guess what happened. That six-month project has now taken a year, and we’ve just discovered a critical error which we need to fix, and which we can only fix by….consulting with the business. I know, I know. You’re all shocked and amazed amazed at this completely unforeseeable turn of events!

    My job now is to go back to the steering committee, ask for extra time to consult with the business in order to fix the error…and not say “I told you so.” Wish me luck!

    1. Dasein9 (he/him)*

      Good luck! I’d probably let an “I told you so” or two slip out by means of subtle verbiage and tone.

    2. noname today*

      Passive tense is great here—was identified as a possible…; as discussed; originally, options included…; decisions were made to…—basically leave the “I” and “y’all” out of it.

  64. saskia*

    I have a director title at a startup, but the work isn’t truly director-level as I think most workplaces would conceptualize it. I think it’s hurting me in my job search. I’m not looking for director-level pay or a similar title; I’m happy to work a much lower-sounding job (associate, for example). I want to change this title on my resume to Manager of ____ instead of Director of ____. The only problem — this director title is out there on the internet — LinkedIn, company articles, our website, etc., and it’s my current job.
    I know people change their job titles on their resume to better explain what they actually do and to better align with the jobs they’re applying for. But anyone have any ideas for how I can do this and, if asked, explain it?

    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Emphasize the responsibilities and tasks, not the title.

      Acme Llamatronics, Product Development
      * Swept the llama pens
      * Ordered feed
      etc

      1. Snickerdoodles*

        It also might help to include “Manager of ____, reporting directly to (supervisor’s job title)” if you think that would clarify. I wouldn’t stress about the online job title. If they ask, explain it just like you do here, that “manager” fits in with how the role is seen more widely.

        1. Qwerty*

          I like this, plus also emphasize what you actually do in your cover letter. If you feel like your title should be Manager, then talk about you managed the X team and accomplished Y. Reference items about your workload that are similar to the job you are applying for

    2. A Person*

      Honestly title inflation is so common in small startups that if you’re still in tech I don’t think it’s likely to cause large problems as long as you’re clear in your resume. For example, I was a director-level at a startup… with 2 reports. So I explicitly call that out (“managed N reports across areas X, Y, Z”) as well as the fact I was doing IC work by saying: “ran and contributed to Tool A transition”.

      Good luck, it’s definitely rough out there in the job market.

  65. Uncomfortable With Change*

    My best work friend for the last eight years is about to become my boss. We’re close friends outside of work – I know all of her mental health issues and she knows mine – and we’ve spent all of these years as peers as each other’s closest confidante about work issues. How do I navigate this transition? Do I have to lose my friend?

    1. UncomfyAnon*

      That happened to me – my work friend became my manager, and did an about face.
      The friendship was lost, and working under her was pretty uncomfortable.

    2. WantonSeedStitch*

      You should prepare for some distance to grow between you. It doesn’t have to be awkward or uncomfortable. My best work friend became my boss for a while. It was actually a good situation: we’d already built up a lot of shared trust and understanding. I think a key part of it was that our friendship was a WORK friendship. We were first and foremost really good colleagues. We also just happened to be able to geek out about the same stuff. Some things to keep in mind:
      1) If you and she were prone to doing a lot of complaining about the job together, expect that to stop on her end and ensure it stops on yours. It’s OK to express doubts or concerns, but be conscientious about doing so in a professional way. And it’s OK to say you’re having difficulties working with someone, but again, be professional, don’t badmouth them.

      2) If you two tended to hang out 1:1 a lot, expect that to change, especially if she has other reports. This includes outside of work. Don’t invite her to hang out 1:1. If you and she are part of the same friends groups, it’s fine if you both attend the same parties together (and keep a strict “what happens outside work stays outside work” policy), but I wouldn’t expect her to invite you to hers and I wouldn’t invite her to yours.

      3) If you’re aware of each other’s mental health issues, you don’t have to pretend that you’re not, but try to keep discussion of them professional: “hey Jane, I know you’ve said you sometimes have a hard time being interrupted in the middle of head-down work because you need that hyperfocus. What’s the best way for me to bring questions to you so I don’t throw you off?”

      4) Try to use this as an opportunity to build other work relationships, if you don’t have any other strong ones. Invite peers to lunch. Grab coffee with a counterpart on another team.

    3. Admin of Sys*

      There’s definitely going to be distance created if you guys want to maintain a good working relationship, but I wouldn’t say you have to lose your friendship – you just need good boundaries.
      I would suggest having a clear communication about creating a professional boundaries, and remove the ‘confidante about work’ from the friendship.
      It will also depend on whether you have coworkers that also report to your soon-to-be-boss. If you do, then it’s going to be important to not have personal ‘access’ to your boss, since it could lead to bias. But if you’re their only direct report in your position, it’s much easier to navigate.

  66. NaoNao*

    Recently my boss shared some “feedback” from a coworker who was responsible for peer-level reviewing and approving work in the system that I had too many errors. I can also see the errors called out and did some data analysis. Over 50% of the called-out errors were not documented in any written standard and/or were clearly personal preferences. There were some legit errors, and I don’t dispute those.

    During the conversation, I did bring up that some of the errors called out were a personal preference. I specifically said “I hope this doesn’t sound defensive, but I feel like I need to give some context here”, and then explained the lack of documentation, etc. but agreed that the legit errors were too many. I also proposed a couple solutions in the moment and then later wrote out a detailed plan to avoid predictable, avoidable errors in the future and sent it over.

    Then in a later conversation, my boss offhand mentioned that she felt like “where was the responsibility/accountability” during that feedback conversation (meaning based on context and tone that I hadn’t taken enough responsibility). I am *really* frustrated by this. It seems like regardless of the actual facts or reality, bosses want you to nod quietly, apologize, and not even offer proactive plans to avoid it happening again, just “accept responsibility”. This is the second time something like this has happened (granted only twice in my 15 years so not dramatic) but it really sticks in my craw.

    I also had a SUPER irritating moment at a previous job where I sent out an email in error, then sent a 3-line correction “Apologies, I made an error, I looked at X when it was actually Y.” and my boss called it “confusing”–like…what sentences are “taking responsibility” if not that?!?!

    Can anyone weigh in on what the actions/words/attitude is that I should show that will make bosses feel I’m “taking responsibility”? Is it 100% do not make any explanations, don’t give any context, don’t give any facts or corrections, etc.? I’m not being sarcastic–if that’s what the “optics” need to be, fine.

    1. Dasein9 (he/him)*

      I wonder if it would help to say, in so many words, “I take my responsibility for this seriously” or some other phrase that lets your boss tick off that box in her head?

    2. Qwerty*

      Taking responsibility would have meant focusing on the legit errors and working with your coworker to *collaboratively* create documentation where you both are contributing and agreeing. The translation of your “context” conversation most likely sounded like “it’s not my fault, it is coworker’s fault”. If we were to go back in time, I’d recommend acknowledge the mistakes and talking about your plan to fix them. To paraphrase:

      “Boss, I’ve been reviewing the feedback and errors and appreciate zooming out to look at the big picture. I’ve realized I do better when there is something written to reference like a checklist or SOP, so I’m going to start drafting those to make sure I understand the current process correctly. Is the best person to partner with on ensuring that documentation is accurate?”

      Usually the issue with someone making errors is the frequency or repetition of them. I’ve seen very junior people enter completely undocumented teams and do just fine plus create documentation along the way, so my tolerance for blaming a lack of documentation is pretty low.

      The personal preference ones are hard – I can’t tell if it is truly up in the air or if that coworker’s personal preference is the standard for that company/team. It generally is helpful for tasks to be done similarly, so it may help to think of your job as doing those processes the way your coworker does. If she likes to organize by color and you want to organize alphabetically – both may be valid but it confusing to be in a system that does both. I have also recently worked with a lot of people who claim their mistakes are just personal preference differences so I’m a little biased, especially because I’m currently solving production issues caused by their “personal preference”.

      For the previous job – when your boss finds an email confusing, it is more productive to ask for suggestions on how to be more clear rather holding a grudge. She probably wanted the email to only state the correct answer (Y) and not where you found the original wrong answer.

      If you find that you have a tendency to over explain mistakes, it does come across as not taking responsibility. People generally care more about how you are going to do things correctly in the future. If you give an incorrect answer because you looked in the wrong place, it doesn’t add anything to the conversation to say “I did the right thing and looked it up but just checked the wrong spot” Does make sense or help?

      1. NaoNao*

        It does help somewhat, thanks!

        I’m creating e-learning courses and the style guides and other documentation are not created at my level and are not in our teams’ control, there’s no “collaborating” on documentation per se. All I have to follow in my creation of the item is the various published style guides and standards. However, one of my suggested solutions to the errors was having a meeting to get on the same page about her (reviewer’s) standards.

        As an example, an error my peer called out was ‘drop down menu in informational section was not selected as US English’. This is not in any style guide, documentation or notes or anything anywhere, she admitted she “thought it was a good idea since we also produce some [extremely low amount] Spanish language courses”. This is the kind of thing I’m referring to as “personal preference”.

    3. WantonSeedStitch*

      Ugh, that’s obnoxious. I think that acknowledging the legit errors was good, and proposing solutions was even better. That’s honestly what I want an employee to do. See the problem and work to fix it. I do think that an acknowledgement of the impact of a problem is also good: “I understand errors like this make extra work for people correcting them, so I need to be more careful.”

      1. Hazel*

        I think a lot of people get really hung up on ‘accountability’ and use it as a cover for ‘I want someone to punish / be mad at bc I’m irritated at life’ rather than a focus for improvement going forward – which is all we have, we can’t redo the past.

        This boss sounds just a little bit that way. If she/he really wanted improvements he/she could say ‘so I was thinking about that last conversation and I didn’t really get the sense you were committed to improve, how can we make that happen going forward’.

        I think in both cases this is why it sticks in OP’s craw.

        1. WantonSeedStitch*

          Yeah, I mean, if someone acknowledges, “yes, this is on me, I dropped the ball/wasn’t paying attention/made the wrong call,” that should be enough accountability. Fixing the problem is more important.

    4. Mad Scientist*

      Why is “feedback” in quotes there? It sounds like you got legitimate feedback from your coworker, whether you agree with it or not.

  67. Responding to a Death (Bike Walk Barb)*

    How would you respond to this? Or if this has been you, what would have been a welcome communication?

    In a call with a consultant the other day, the lead on our project mentioned they were leaving the firm as of today. The project is wrapped up and we were going through the final small changes. One of my colleagues said cheerfully, “Oh, what are you going to next?” assuming she had some great new opportunity lined up.

    Her reply: “I’m taking time away from work. My 12-year-old son died earlier this year and I need to step away.”

    In the moment we all said something like “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.” There was a pause and we moved on.

    Today I’m sending her a thank-you for her work on the project. This is her last day to get work email and I don’t have personal contact information for her. She has worked on this project for several months. I don’t know her outside of this connection; I’ve appreciated her work and she’s been very good to interact with–very straightforward and genuine.

    I wanted to say something so after the thank-you paragraph I wrote this:

    “I want to say again how sorry I was to learn of your son’s death. I hope you’re able to recharge your spirit while you take time away from work and that your love for him is an ongoing comfort. I read poetry every morning, including works by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. She too lost a son and has written beautifully about learning to love in a different way. An example of her work” (with a link I’ll put in a reply).

    She’s reading this in a work context and not expecting a sympathy note. She chose to share the specifics or I wouldn’t have known, and I’m hoping this lands okay. From deaths in my own family and from friends I know how much it matters to have that person’s importance in your life acknowledged, and I wish that in the moment I’d thought to ask his name.

    What would you do in the moment or afterwards? Could also be useful to others to think of someone closer to you professionally than this consultant-client relationship, although it’s specifically that dynamic that is making me overthink the response.

    1. Bike Walk Barb*

      The poem I shared https://ahundredfallingveils.com/2024/09/04/once-grief-was-bonfire/.

      Trommer was co-author of a beautiful book I sent to my ex-husband when his son, my former stepson, died (Beneath All Appearances: an unwavering peace https://www.wordwoman.com/books/beneath-all-appearances-an-unwavering-peace/).

      Another more recent work includes poems written after not only her son but also her father died https://www.wordwoman.com/books/the-unfolding/.

    2. Margaret Cavendish*

      I think that’s really lovely. I agree that you should say something about her son – it would be weird to just go “it’s been a pleasure working with you, best of luck in the future” without acknowledging this huge personal tragedy. She may not respond, but it sounds like she’ll appreciate the sentiment.

    3. RagingADHD*

      It’s a very nice gesture and I think the first part is lovely, but personally I would leave out the poetry recommendation / quote. You just don’t know how something is going to land with someone in grief. It could feel like you’re giving her homework. The poem itself might have something in it that’s dissonant or feels like you’re projecting your feelings onto her loss, etc.

      I may be overly cautious, but I remember after losing my mom, it was really jarring to have people (especially those who didn’t know either of us well) serve up quotations that were supposed to be meaningful but that she would have disliked. It was just too specific, so it was off putting. YMMV.

      If you like her as a person, I’d include my personal email or cellphone in case she wants to stay in touch.

    4. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I don’t know that I’d include the poem. Poetry is so deeply personal, so while the poem may indeed be beautiful, I don’t know that you’re in a position to really be sharing something like that with her, especially in the context of “learning to love in a different way” which feels like a big overstep to me since you don’t really know her personally.

      I think it’s fine to mention the stuff about hoping she’ll be able to recharge etc. while she’s taking time away from work, though. It’s just the poetry that seems a bit much.

    5. Snacattack*

      I think most of your note is wonderful. I have never lost a child, but I did lose my spouse several years ago, and I appreciated every acknowledgment of that loss. I would not, however, recommend any type of reading unless you know that person very well. Several people did make recommendations to me for things that I should read, and at least one of them turned out to be a very good recommendation, but others really missed the mark. Just my two cents. Thanks for being a considerate person.

    6. Alpaca Bag*

      After my daughter died, I would have liked to receive a message like yours. The poem, though, not so much. The beginning lines worked for me, but the “it’s a gift to burn” line at the end of “Once grief was bonfire” might not suit her well, depending on how her grief journey is going. If she needs to take time off work, she may not be ready to read that part. Any link that requires me to buy a book to see what it contains would have been too difficult in the first year. What did help me was when people told me about Compassionate Friends, a support group for people who’ve been through this. There are in person meetings (I don’t know if any are near you) and multiple online groups for different situations. Thank you for caring!

    7. Pentapus*

      send the note, skip the poem. I’m glad the poems -and poetry in general- works for you, but that poem doesn’t work for me. just send your condolences.

    8. Bike Walk Barb*

      Thanks all for the responses. I find comfort in poetry so it comes naturally to me to include a link. I’ll bear in mind how personal that is if this kind of thing comes up in the future.

    9. Fee*

      oooof. Honestly, that feels like a massive overstep to me, and if I was her I would be very, very uncomfortable receiving that message. That poem (and that whole approach) is not something I would find helpful or meaningful, and I’d be confused and annoyed to have someone dump that on me. It would feel like being told how I ought to grieve.

      At most, I’d be OK with a brief acknowledgement and good wishes, but I’d really prefer people to stick to work stuff.

    10. BigLawEx*

      The only thing I’ll add is that babies are all very different. They come with personalities that you only discover over time. I only have a single child, but he was a lot. He never liked being alone. (Which hasn’t changed, but he’s 14). He nursed constantly. Other friends and moms from my baby group had children that ran the gamut. I think your plan sounds fine in a vacuum. I’d try to build in some flexibility (more weeks for you upfront maybe) in case it’s harder – colic, sleep issues, etc.

      And don’t worry too much about inexperience. I’m an only child of only children, so never really had any contact with babies or children until I had one. It’s VERY quick on the job learning.

  68. Cedrus Libani*

    I’m pregnant, and I’m starting to think about leave plans. My husband and I both have good-for-USA paid leave. I get 12 weeks off; he gets 16 weeks, to be used within a year.

    My current thinking: we both take off for the first bit (4 weeks?), I handle the next 8 weeks until I’m out of leave, then my husband tags in to handle the next 12 weeks. Is this a good plan? Has anyone got a better one? If it matters, we’re both first-timers and youngest children who barely know which end to put the diaper on; the logistics of infant care are new to us.

    1. RagingADHD*

      I’d advise the first phase be 6 weeks rather than 4. You don’t usually start seeing the light at the end of the chaos until 6 weeks.

    2. Aloy*

      Yes, this sounds like a great plan! I didn’t really feel comfortable on my own until about 3 weeks after birth. My husband only got one week of paid leave but took 3 unpaid after that. I know some people that were comfortable earlier (or had to be because their partner had no leave), but it’s hard to predict until you’re in it.

    3. M2*

      This is a great plan! I would say though speak to other people you know who have young kids. My husband did this (but he had less time off) and when he came home he was on baby duty for awhile and I got rest or went for a walk or the gym. We also bottle fed and breast fed (I didn’t produce enough I tried) so he did some night feeds once we realized I could not pump enough. It gets better with the sleep but also make sure you’re a team and you get time to yourself too.

      Then your baby gets 24 weeks with parents and won’t need daycare or help. If you’re looking at daycare I would look now and see about waitlists sometimes they have long lists.

    4. JustaTech*

      This is about what my husband and I did, though I got another 4 weeks through a state program. My husband was also able to WFH for his first week or two back which at least eliminated his commute time (but the reason he went back was that it was his busiest time, so he had to work a lot of evenings as well).

      Also, get on the daycare or nanny waitlists *now*. The wait lists can be crazy long (especially for an infant) and the places that don’t have waitlists are often eye-poppingly expensive (in my admittedly expensive city we’re talking $4,000 a month). It’s a huge relief to know that when your collective leave is up you will have childcare.

    5. Lady Lessa*

      May your pregnancy go well and you get an easy baby.

      My co-worker (male) did not.
      Another thing to start thinking about is parenting styles, and how to handle differences. That could come into play earlier than expected.

    6. EMP*

      Congrats!
      I have a 1yo so here’s my thoughts:
      If you live somewhere with expensive or hard to get childcare, try to look for/consider options now. Around us, there are usually some options open for infants a few months out, but they may be more expensive or hard to get to. A lot of people reserve spots as soon as they’re pregant.
      Depending on your baby, you might feel somewhat human at 6 weeks. For us, it was 8 weeks. My spouse took a lot of leave up front and those first 8 weeks we were really just taking shifts overnight so each of us could at least get a few hours of sleep uninterrupted. I really appreciated having him home. 6 weeks would probably also have been OK. But I wouldn’t do 4, that doesn’t sound like enough!

    7. Pomodoro Sauce*

      We did did something similar to your plan, as did many people I know, and it worked out pretty well for all involved! The children are delightful, and they have strong bonds with both parents. I’d recommend six weeks with both, just in case you have a rough delivery or a baby that doesn’t sleep.

      You may want to consider having some overlap with the last week or two of leave and starting day care — so that you can ramp up time at day care gently. Make sure to keep some sick leave for the inevitable illnesses etc.

      Also I will tell you what my personnel specialist said: there’s rarely an issue if a parent asks to return to work earlier than planned, so take as much leave as you can and then scale back as needed.

    8. Goddess47*

      I am not a mom, but depending on your kid, I did have a male direct report that did the few weeks after birth time off (I think a month), and then semi-regular time after that (like 1-2 days a week)… the spread out time after the first month helped spread out the work with the baby… and to some extent, as new parents, my direct report told me he was spending more time helping mom, doing housework, grocery shopping and meal prep, letting mom take extended naps, etc, rather than direct baby duty. But your mileage may vary… ;-)

      So if your husband can flex his time off, consider that in your planning. It will give you more overall weeks of some baby coverage…

      Good luck!

    9. BigLawEx*

      The only thing I’ll add is that babies are all very different. They come with personalities that you only discover over time. I only have a single child, but he was a lot. He never liked being alone. (Which hasn’t changed, but he’s 14). He nursed constantly. Other friends and moms from my baby group had children that ran the gamut. I think your plan sounds fine in a vacuum. I’d try to build in some flexibility (more weeks for you upfront maybe) in case it’s harder – colic, sleep issues, etc.

      And don’t worry too much about inexperience. I’m an only child of only children, so never really had any contact with babies or children until I had one. It’s VERY quick on the job learning.

      (nesting fail above).

  69. Just a dev not a scientist*

    I found a job posting that I’m super excited for but could use some help showing the hiring team that I’m qualified for it without being overqualified. It is a developer position for a medical research center that’s part of a hospital network.

    Their ideal candidate is someone with experience in genetics but will settle for someone very interested and willing to learn the science. Combining coding + genetics was the ideal job for high school me. My original plan was to get a masters in Biomed after my CS degree and wrote my college admissions essay about how I was going to use tech to enhance medical treatments. Then I went to college where there was zero exposure to science after freshman year and kinda got distracted by all the other cool things I could do with tech.

    I do dive into the domain knowledge of every industry I’m in, but not in a measurable way. Like I studied to become a trader when working in finance, but didn’t take the exam because we needed a non-trader to make the test trades for compliance reasons. I dive deep learn it all, then go onto the next project and forget everything to make room for the new info.

    My cover letters normally show how I’m an awesome candidate for the job who the company would be lucky to have. This is the first time where the situation is reversed and I’d be the lucky one. When I first decided to move to this city, I wanted to go after a job on this team (the posting closed before I was ready to move, then I accidentally got hired somewhere else and moved on) Help?

    1. Margaret Cavendish*

      I think you’ve got most of what you need to say right here!

      Combining coding + genetics was the ideal job for high school me. My original plan was to get a masters in Biomed after my CS degree and wrote my college admissions essay about how I was going to use tech to enhance medical treatments. Then I went to college where there was zero exposure to science after freshman year and kinda got distracted by all the other cool things I could do with tech.

      I do dive into the domain knowledge of every industry I’m in, but not in a measurable way. Like For example, I studied to become a trader when working in finance, but didn’t take the exam because we needed a non-trader to make the test trades for compliance reasons. [add another example or two] I dive deep learn it all, then go onto the next project and forget everything to make room for the new info.

      You would want to formalize the language a bit, but honestly not too much – I love that this is your authentic voice, explaining things in ordinary terms. And it sounds like a great job for you – good luck!!

    2. been there, done that*

      I think I’d also do a deep dive into how they’re using genetics, how anyone does bioinformatics, then draw all the parallels you can between what you’ve done and what they want. Part of employing someone with experience in genetics is (1) not having to explain all the vocab and (2, subset of 1) not having to explain how the tech is used differently. Like are there *specific* pitfalls of bioinfo that you can say you’ve had experience with in a parallel industry?

  70. Dinosaur Sr.*

    I’m actively job searching and have a question about references should I ever get to that point. My managers/supervisors from my previous 2 jobs (which go back to 2010, so 14 years of my 20 year career) have all retired. When I left these jobs, they were all still working, and I didn’t really think at the time about how I might need their personal contact information some day many years in the future. I am actively job searching now and don’t know what I’ll do if I’m asked for references – I don’t have contact information for them. Could I just give the contact information for a former coworker?

    1. DisneyChannelThis*

      See if they are on linkedin, see what comes up when you search their names on google. I found some old bosses on linkedin, they were still active users even in retirement. HR can confirm the dates of your employment at those jobs, having a coworker from that job helps but isn’t as great as a manager. You can also ask your old HR, hey I used to work for manager XYZ, I wanted to congratulate them on retirement, could you pass along my contact information to them.

  71. WantonSeedStitch*

    I think if I saw that you did professional development work to learn about each industry you’ve worked in, that would speak to your ability to learn the science. I tend to prefer to hire people (even at a junior level) who have SOME experience in the field I work in, but have also hired people without it when they’ve shown they’ve taken the initiative to learn about it on their own.

  72. kalli*

    I have been throwing out applications for reasons, and turns out, the job that withdrew my offer because I had emergency surgery around my start date and they couldn’t wait a week, and they really needed someone to stay for a few years for it to be worth training someone etc., has advertised the role again, a whole ten months later. At the time I did apologise profusely and stressed that it was a medical situation. I ended up not pushing a discrimination claim basically because I ended up back in hospital and I only got cleared to go back to normal and then broke my arm and there’s a lot of personal instability that self-representing a claim was just not on my radar, although technically a claim is still within time and this would mean a stronger remedy is available (reinstatement vs settlement).

    I have applied, and the platform has informed me that they’ve read my application. Should I follow up at this point or have I done enough?

    1. Bike Walk Barb*

      This isn’t really the same job you applied for even if it has the same title. It’s a job that’s had someone in it for 10 months, or some other set of circumstances that may have changed what they’re looking for. You need to sell the new you for the new job.

      If you were offered the position before and had to withdraw for valid reasons, a follow-up note to say your situation has changed and you very much hope they can consider your application because you still think they would be a great opportunity seems like a nice touch. You’re not just another applicant, you’re someone they offered the job to. Be clear that the circumstances were one-time and you’re fully available now.

      Your discussion of discrimination claims and getting reinstated (to a job you never held) doesn’t belong there. That screams “I’m another lawsuit waiting to happen” and doesn’t move you up the pile. I don’t know where you live and what laws apply, but using that to gain entry doesn’t feel like a positive start to a new job.

      1. kalli*

        For clarity, the law where I am specifically covers discrimination on the grounds of illness in employment – they knew I had a medical condition when they offered me the job, they were specifically hiring two part time roles so that they could have one cover the other for medical leave and this was explicitly stated in the interview and part of the position description I agreed to, but then they took adverse action against me for having a medical condition and having to be in hospital 400km away. If I pursued it, especially now that there was an equivalent role open, it would be likely that the tribunal would consider that that role would be an appropriate remedy for the situation, and I say this based on n+ years experience in and around employment law. However, I specifically raised it as I asked on here under the same name about whether I should pursue it at the time, and if I did not bring it up and people remembered, which they tend to do around here, it would be potentially valuable missing context. I am aware that only like a third of employment relationships survive litigation, especially those surrounding dismissal, but because of my background I view litigation as just how things have to work sometimes, it’s a process the same import as applying for a drivers license or an event permit – that’s how that thing in that context gets done.

        For what it is worth, in my cover letter I did indeed say that the medical situation was resolved now and I was looking for a role I could commit to long term.

        They have marked my application as not going to proceed, so sending a specific email further addressing the circumstances would no longer be appropriate.

  73. Amber Rose*

    I just finished the most grueling, difficult certification exam I’ve ever seen and I lost some easy points and I’m terrified I failed. I need an 80 to pass. I probably won’t get my results until Tuesday.

    I let the nerves get me. :(

    Any tips for not beating myself up over losing easy points?

    1. noname today*

      Been in your shoes. Biggest item for me was to realize that what’s done is done. Short of a Time Machine there’s no way to go back and change things. And worrying about it won’t change the results on an exam you already submitted. I had to learn to consider it a lesson learned, and identify some stress-releasing techniques to practice (and then use) for when you take it again.

      Pro tip: practicing them now will help you get over the “beating yourself up” tendency.

      For me that’s meant getting physically active (going for a walk, bike ride, etc), practicing breathing exercises (meditation technique), getting grounded in nature, etc.

    2. Fluffy Fish*

      I’m going to give you the kind of pep-talk i give my kid. There is very little in life that we can’t try again. Not diminishing, just reframing. Sure it might be inconvenient or even cause a temporary not so great time. But you’re going to get through it because to date you have gotten through every single tough situation, every single time you did poor on something, and every single time you made stupid mistakes.

      If you pass, great!

      If you didn’t, also great – you got a good solid practice and hopefully got the nerves out. And now you’re even better prepared to take it again and pass!

  74. cityMoose*

    What is a polite way to deal with coworkers in a light/heavy industry, where there is lots of kneeling and bending, whose butt hangs out? We’re talking a lot of exposed skin. Do we say something directly to them? Report to supervisor? I lean towards saying, hey I don’t know if you are aware of it, but you are showing a lot of uncovered skin back there…. or something along those lines. But… that could easily backfire. Altho I personally would want someone to tell me were it me… Augh.

    It’s harder in a male-dominated industry, where I am often the only woman on the call. Thoughts? Shut up and let the client(s) complain? Mention quietly to supervisor?

    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      I wish I had advice for you – I would have hoped that the male cameraderie/teasing thing would have taken care of this already. Is there a guy on the crew you feel comfortable talking to?

      Hey people who provide uniforms for this kind of work — include suspenders! Best way I know of to prevent that problem.

    2. been there, done that*

      shut up and let the clients complain. If you are the only female, you are socialized to have different standards regarding exposed skin. I know you want a fair playing field, but the way to get there is to enforce fairness when you’re the manager. Otherwise, you’ll be seen as the “prissy woman”, and that’s not good.
      – also a woman in a predominately male industry.

    3. Llellayena*

      Not that you really want to be looking this closely, but it this a “you need to tighten your belt a bit because things are falling down” situation or a “you didn’t buy clothing with enough coverage when you’re bent over” situation? I think if it’s the first you can approach it in a “Hey, not sure if you realized…” way. The other, I’d just ignore. Not everyone has long-length clothing available to them and clothing is generally designed for someone standing, not sitting or bending or doing any of those normal, everyday, manual work things.

  75. SH*

    We are hiring at our small town library for a part time circulation assistant and received an application from a candidate in another state who is interested in relocating. On paper, they are an excellent candidate, but the position is entry-level and pays accordingly. Is there a way to ask/inform this candidate about their expectations around relocating. We cannot offer to help with any relocation expenses, and our entry-level wage may appear better to a person from a lower income area than it is in reality here.

    1. Hlao-roo*

      Do you typically do a phone screen as part of your hiring process? If you do, that’s a great time to ask:

      – “This position pays $X per hour (or per year), is that in line with what you’re looking for?” and
      – “We are no able to offer any relocation assistance for this position. Does it make sense for us to continue talking?”

      I have had phone screens in the past where I have shared my salary expectations and the HR person I was talking to said “we aren’t in a position to meet that salary.” I have also looked for jobs in a different state before where I was willing and able to pay for % of my relocation. My point with both of these examples is that a phone screen is the perfect time to find out if either of those are deal-breakers for the candidate before either party invests a lot of time into the interviewing process.

    2. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Can you be honest about that in a phone screen and then ask if it still makes sense to move forward? Maybe they want part time-work, maybe they’re scaling back, maybe they’re moving in with their grandmother to help take care of her and all of the things that look like red flags are actually perfect for this candidate.

      Or maybe they want full-time work but didn’t read the posting correctly. Either way, being upfront about all this stuff in a phone screen will save you both a lot of time and energy if there was any confusion about the nature of the role.

      I think Alison usually suggests language like “I want to be clear that this is a part-time job with a maximum of 20hrs a week and pays $X/hr. With that in mind, does it make sense to keep talking?”

      1. Ama*

        I am seconding all the phone screens — back when I worked at an employer that flat around refused to put salary in the job posting and didn’t pay super well us hiring managers would all just lead off with the salary info in the phone screen to avoid wasting everyone’s time. You can also do it in an email if you don’t think it will get you in trouble (I’ve done that as well, for less paranoid employers) basically “We think you are a strong candidate, but we did want to clarify that this position is part-time and pays $X an hour. If that works for you let’s set up a time to chat further.”

  76. Not Tom, Just Petty*

    Just a vent, but internships. New coworker, like 3 months new coworker asked about internships for college student child. I don’t know. I don’t have college student children so I recommended going to our company intranet as well as asking one person whose kid is currently applying.
    Coworker: “so you don’t have a name of someone I could talk to directly?”
    Reader, I thought it was joke. No, I with no college age children do not have a direct line to the internship coordinator at our 2,500 person company.
    She was not joking. I’m getting calls from other people who she asked about the internship. “There’s a link on the intranet site.” “Yes, but who do I speak to directly? You really don’t have the name of the person?”
    So this is going to be a fun couple of years, LOL

    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      I have a feeling this is the tip of the iceberg for you. “I want my expense reimbursement to be processed right away, who’s the person I talk to for that? Come on, there has to be somebody who’ll do it for me fast as a favor.” Etc.

      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        Yes! Like I like her energy, she gets things done and does them well, but we a financial company. Things move the way they move. People follow very strict guidelines. Expediting is just not our jam. You don’t wink, wink-nudge, nudge in finance.

    2. Global Cat Herder*

      For me, this links straight back to this morning’s column and the sudden unannounced video calls. Because the people who do the “why don’t you have the name of a PERSON that I can talk to NOW” are the same people who think it’s okay to video call out of the blue when that is very much not your company culture.

    4. Roland*

      I mean, it’s not unusual to know who runs the internship program. It doesn’t have anything to do with having kids. And a “direct line” is just emailing someone, no? It’s fine if you don’t have info for her but I really don’t think she is asking for anything ridiculous.

      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        My longtime coworker followed up with me. New Coworker said I’d told her to ask for information. Longtime coworker said, have kid apply at X on the website. New Coworker said, “oh, I thought you’d be able tell me who I could talk to. Your kid just applied? You really don’t know who I can call?”
        That’s over the top.

  77. Anna Lee*

    I am worried about looking like a job hopper and am unsure how to address this in cover letters. I’m in tech where the market is especially tough and recently quit my job with nothing lined up due to burnout + ethical concerns. I’ve had <2yrs stints at my last few jobs, mostly startups

    1.5yrs – Startup A in Current City
    6 months – Startup B Remote (closed – I was the first hire but not a founder)
    1.5yrs – Startup C in Current City
    1.5yrs – Midsize Company D where I started their new location in Current City
    3yrs – Small company in State X
    6yrs – Small company in State Y (closed a year after I left, otherwise would have stayed my whole career)

    How do I address this in the cover letter? My ideal would be for the next job to be a 5yr place (and in office!). I have a line in my cover letter about looking for a long term position. I don't want companies thinking I'm only coming to them because I'm burned out from startups – I do like to work hard. I'm already making a shift from management back to developer so I'm wondering if I'm crossing too many hurdles. The weird thing about my recent track record is that I'm a "put down roots and stay forever" type of person.

    1. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I would emphasize the startup nature of your last roles — if people are anything like me, they hear “start up” and think, small, stressful, lots of quick change, lots of bouncing around from role to role, place to place, etc. Short stints at startups wouldn’t ping me as weird because I kind of just assume that’s how they work?

      1. JustaTech*

        Or that you might have wanted to stay at the startup but they tend to be ephemeral (ie, you only worked there for 1.5 years because it went bust, so you moved on to the next thing).

    2. DisneyChannelThis*

      The 6 and 3 year stints avoid the job hopper status to me. I’d be candid about really liking potential job’s company ABC’s long legacy of being an innovator in field EFG as your experience with startups has made you appreciate how quickly the field changes. Manager to developer can be expressed as wanting a change of pace, missing being hands on with the data/technology. I’d really emphasis your desire to work in person and how you’ve done remote jobs and in person and prefer in person, that will be unusual among most candidates.

    3. Hillary*

      You’re overthinking it. It’s very common for people to do the startup thing for a while and decide it isn’t for them and it’s very common for tech folks to try being a manager and decide they’d rather be coding.

      Instead of talking about wanting a long term role I’d talk about how you’re excited to be in person as part of a larger team/org. You learned that you do your best work with (colleagues to bounce ideas off of? an established codebase? a focus on agile methodology?) That makes it about the specific job and not something generic.

    4. Generic Name*

      You’ve had a 6 year stint. Officially NOT a job hopper. Honestly, literally everyone I’ve seen who asks if they are a job hopper on this site does not read like a job hopper to me. A recent example of a job hopper I came across was someone with over 20 years in the industry but had never had a job longer than 2 years, and lots of 6 month, 1 year stints.

  78. Our Business Is Rejoicing*

    A bit of a rant/vent here: Dual US-Canadian citizen living in Canada. I am seeing US friends talking about moving to Canada as if it’s as easy as crossing the border and getting a place and a job. It isn’t. Our government recently cut immigration targets, and even before this there was a lengthy process in place. Obviously, if you’re in a needed industry (health care would be one of them) and have English or French (or both) language skills, you may be able to get a permit to work here that could eventually lead to permanent status. But if you’re not, and/or you are older, disabled, or have kids, it’s going to be difficult.

    And to my Canadian friends: Saying you have a room your US friends can come and stay in isn’t going to help if they are looking to move to Canada permanently.

    1. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Yeah, there was a whole article in the Toronto Star the other day that basically outlined how difficult we make it for people to immigrate here but also seemed to leave out one important thing: maybe look at the political climate of the place you want to move to first before making a life changing decision like that. We’ve got something monstrous looming on the horizon ourselves, and it would seem like a big waste of time, energy, and money to move here should they take power.

      1. Our Business Is Rejoicing*

        While I think there likely is an order of magnitude difference between our local monsters and the ones elsewhere, and our parliamentary elective system can be more difficult to rig on a long-term basis (non-partisan agency running things helps)–yeah. Definitely. I live in Ontario and have seen how much damage those monsters can cause.

    2. toasty toes*

      I feel you. I’m Cdn, my partner is from the US, we live in Canada. As a computer dev, he could easily make 50% more in the US than he does here (he’s actually been offered roles, I’m not just looking at salaries). I’d make 15% more in the US (from a recent job offer). His immigration here took years, and cost thousands. He was in an in-demand industry. It’s not straightforward to immigrate.

    3. The Prettiest Curse*

      Having moved from the UK to the US and then back again to the UK – moving countries is, in general, way more difficult and expensive than people expect it to be. (I’m writing from the perspective of someone who did spousal visas, not a visa sponsored by an employer. I didn’t use a relocation service either.) It was an 18-month-to-2-year project both times. Also, you don’t necessarily need an immigration lawyer, but it takes a lot of the pain out of the process if you have a good one.

      You also have to accept that the immigration process essentially involves putting your fate into the hands of a giant bureaucracy that has a lot of illogical rules, will ask you to provide the same information over and over again, has basically no customer service except for when they want to fingerprint you and will ask you to pay hugely inflated visa fees, sometimes at short notice. I’m very happy and grateful to be back in the UK and all the stress of the process was entirely worth it for me, but if you’re going to do it, do it with your eyes open.

      Finally, there’s no stress like wondering whether the shipping container with all your worldly possessions in it will fall off the ship that it’s on. Air freight is only for the ultra-wealthy.

      1. Irish Teacher.*

        I think a lot of Westerns seem “immigration” as something poor people from Eastern Europe, South America, Africa and parts of Asia do and that it’s not really immigation if the person is middle class and from Europe or the US or Canada or Australia or New Zealand and therefore, they don’t expect the same restrictions to apply.

    4. Hlao-roo*

      As a US-ian, I have heard people joke about moving to Canada so frequently that I thought moving to Canada was a fairly common/easy thing to do. I’ve even made the joke a few times myself. Then one day I started looking into Canadian immigration out of curiosity and …not easy at all!

      I don’t joke about moving to Canada anymore, and when I hear others joking about it I get a little annoyed. Depending on my relationship to them, sometimes I ask if they’ve looked into Canadian immigration requirements (the answer is mostly “no”).

      1. Hazel*

        I’d give people some grace, it’s wishful thinking and I don’t blame them. Remember the Marry An American thing?!

    5. Ghost with the Most*

      I have a friend who is Indian-American. She married an Indian man. Her family was shocked that they were in India for almost a year before they granted her husband a VISA of some sort.

      They are similar ages and backgrounds so it’s not like they looked like they were in a sham marriage for a green card. They still gave them a hard time. This was back in the 2010’s, I can only imagine how immigration everywhere has gotten more complicated and frustrating.

    6. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Had a good laugh a while back when a neighbor who is vocally and adamantly anti-immigrant in our neighborhood FB group had a meltdown. He had decided to move to Europe after Biden won, and was SHOCKED that as an American, he wasn’t just free to move anywhere he wanted, just because he wanted to. England wouldn’t take him. Ireland wouldn’t take him.
      So he decided to move to New Zealand instead. And discovered the same thing all over again. Went on a rant in our neighborhood group about how “As an American, I have freedom! And they think they can keep me out!”
      Why yes, other countries can and do control immigration. This is not hard to understand.
      And all I could do was facepalm and laugh.

        1. Jill Swinburne*

          Don’t get too excited about New Zealand, either. Our government is very much working on the right-wing, libertarian playbook as well. They will be very pleased about the recent US election.

    7. Bella Ridley*

      Yeah, this is so true. Immigration is difficult and expensive even in the best, easiest circumstances. I feel like a lot of Americans look at Canada like “America-lite” in a way they wouldn’t if it was, I don’t know, Belize. It’s not as easy as “hop the border and apply for a job” and it’s brutally annoying to see it repeated over and over again like the country is just a weird cousin and not, you know, a fully sovereign nation.

  79. CoordinatorWoes*

    One of my responsibilities is coordinating travel for my company. We cover everyone’s lodging up front, but do not cover things like room service, damages, etc., and so our policy is that everyone needs to use a personal card on arrival. (They are not charged room, fees, taxes, etc.) I have one employee who does not use credit cards and has asked to not be required to put down his own card, because it takes money out of his account and doesn’t refund for up to two weeks. He knows about travel months in advance, but still says that being asked to put down his own card is prohibitive.

    He has agreed to pay for any damages that he might incur, so it ultimately doesn’t cost my company more, but it is an administrative hassle and, frankly, I just don’t want to change our policy. It is his choice to not use credit, but my opinion is that he then has to be prepared to cover these types of expenses when he has plenty of notice for them.

    Am I being too inflexible? Is this just a business cost and I should just put the company card down? I’d love to get a temperature check here.

    1. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Sorry, I feel like I’m missing a piece of information here: is it that he refuses to use his own credit card so your company allows him to use a company card upon check-in, and then the administrative headache is… what? Is he regularly damaging rooms so you have to arrange to get reimbursement from him and that’s more annoying than if his own card had been charged directly?

      1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

        I read it as he only has a debit card, not a credit card. So theres a hold that’s placed on $X that gets released 2 weeks later.

        1. CoordinatorWoes*

          Alton Brown’s Evil Twin is correct.

          He actually isn’t damaging rooms, so we don’t need to get reimbursement. But I’m checking multiple people in at once, so it just adds an extra step when the process is different for him than for others.

          And also, if we’re going to keep doing this for him, I feel like from a fairness perspective we should then proactively offer to other employees who might be using debit cards and didn’t think they could ask for this accommodation.

          1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

            Maybe they should. Instead of giving an interest free loan to the company, the company should pay for travel. I think, “nobody ever asked before. Nobody else has a problem with potentially fronting money and ultimately being responsible via credit card for the room. Everybody else uses a credit card.” is the best argument for businesses shirking their responsibilities to run their businesses. Yes, it absolutely sucks for you. The company should make it suck less for you in your job by using company credit cards.

    2. Rick Tq*

      I’d just start having employees use a company card when checking in, not a personal one.

      If the employee is on business travel his meals should be covered by his per-diem allowance making room service charges a moot point. Room damages should be the extreme exception and a reason for disciplinary action at work, not a reason to require the employee to present a card.

      1. CoordinatorWoes*

        We do offer per diems, but some employees still choose to get room service. So in those cases if they put the company card down when they checked in, they would essentially be paid twice for food. (We don’t reimburse the per diems – Just give the amount to employees in advance of the travel, again, to minimize the burden of paying for things up front.)

        1. Rick Tq*

          Ah. We don’t get the per-diem pre-paid, we have a maximum that will be reimbursed if you use a personal card. I normally use my card so I get the usage points. My company is really good about processing business expense reimbursements quickly before the credit card bill comes due.

        2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

          Because someone might order room service and your company doesn’t want to deal with recouping that money, everyone has to use their own credit card for the hotel? That’s the only reason?

    3. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      What’s the comparable policy for car rentals & insurance? That’s the closest parallel I can think of.

      1. CoordinatorWoes*

        You know, I actually don’t know. We haven’t had a single employee rent a car in the time I’ve worked at this company.

    4. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Employees should never, ever be expected to use a personal card for anything regarding company travel. I get that you “just don’t want to change” your policy, but you absolutely should.
      You don’t get to have an opinion on how your employee manages their personal finances, period. “Should be prepared….” nope nope nope.
      You remind me of the woman who wrote in because she thought her employee was wrong for being upset about missing three paychecks in a row, because shouldn’t said employee have SAVINGS to draw from when it was taking the company 6+ weeks to pay the employee?
      Stop clutching your pearls over this and just change the way you do things so that your business isn’t relying on employees to cover expenses.

      1. Fluffy Fish*

        Seriously. Wildly inappropriate to expect an employee just set aside money so they can travel for business. Also wildly inappropriate is the judgement from the OP on that.

      2. CoordinatorWoes*

        I appreciate your perspective, thank you. That’s why I wrote in, because I wanted to see if I was off base or not, or the way other companies handle this type of thing. Based on your and other comments, it’s seeming like I am off base, which is truly helpful.

        I’ve really pushed my company to keep expenses off our employees – We send per diem amounts in advance, book all advanced travel expenses on company cards, and process any reimbursements within a week. I asked about this because I didn’t think someone’s choice to only use debit cards was my problem and that they would be responsible for the consequences of that choice, but also, I thought it was possible I was wrong. Clearly, I am.

        I’ve asked a few ‘pulse check’ questions in these forums because I have limited professional experience and am the only person in my function at my job. It’s helpful to get other opinions. But I wish you could have shared your opinion with a little more empathy and not by comparing me to someone trying to excuse an actual crime.

        1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

          I don’t think it’s criminal. I think it’s overly cautious to the point of making it harder for everyone. Someone might accidentally or intentionally charge something to room service. Oh no! We can’t risk someone taking advantage of us. Sure you can.

        2. JustaTech*

          I don’t think you’re trying to excuse a crime, and while many companies issue corporate cards for this reason, there are plenty that don’t.

          Here’s the experience a coworker had to give an example of why having to use your own card can be a real burden. I had a coworker who had ended up with credit card debit after a bad car accident, and to deal with that she canceled her credit cards. Then she suddenly needed to travel for work, and didn’t know the travel policy had changed, so her debit card was charged and then she was overdrawn.

          Now, you said that your company’s policy is that people would only ever have to use their personal card for hotel incidentals, which is much better than the “reimburse you later” method. But if you can put everyone on the corporate card, that would be more equitable.

          And I would think it would be easier for whomever is processing the expense reports – you only have to look at charges from one card instead of waiting for everyone to submit their receipts and stuff.

        3. Tio*

          My company always uses company cards for this. Employees can’t request anything charged to the room, they have to pay for themselves using the per diem they receive. Someone breaking that policy would be subject to discipline by their manager and probably not sent away for travel again for a bit.

          So what compensation are you offering him for being unable to access presumably several hundred dollars of his own money for two weeks? What if he has an emergency and needs this money? Why does he have to plan his PERSONAL finances around your business needing his money, so that YOU don’t have to do paperwork? Why should any of them?

        4. Wallaby, Well I'll Be*

          I still feel like your attitude about this is unnecessarily combative and contrarian? For example, your “consequences of that choice” quip about your employee having a debit card, as though they robbed a convenience store rather than have the most easily obtained form of bank account and payment. My friend, LOTS of people only have debit cards. It is so, so common for folks to have never had a credit card. Credit cards are dangerous for some people. No one is legally required to have one, so I’d advise you to drop the attitude and check your arrogance at the door. You aren’t doing anyone any favors with them, least of all, yourself.

    5. Fluffy Fish*

      It’s an unfair burden to make an employee get a credit card or expect them to save up (seriously what?) so they can afford the massive hold hotels put on funds for a debit card.

      If it’s a business requirement to travel and part of that travel involves putting down a credit card then that is a business function. Frankly if you can’t trust employees to not trash their rooms or not charge room service then you can’t trust them to be representing your company.

      Im government and there’s absolutely no way gov will be responsible for damage or room service but it is absolutely acceptable to use the company card at check-in. I’ve simply paid for room service on my own card upon check-out.

      Create whatever internal policies you need to get funds back from an employee who trashes a room, but its not ok to expect employees make financial decisions so they can do their job.

    7. Generic Name*

      Expecting employees to have hundreds of dollars set aside (or to save up those hundreds of dollars in advance of travel) is unreasonable and placing the burden of business expenses onto the employee. Frankly even having a policy of reimbursing expenses that employees place on their credit cards can be burdensome. A coworker at a past job pointed out that he was basically fronting the company up to $1,000 every month (interest free!) or else he was responsible for interest or late fees because the company took so long to reimburse expenses. So to answer your question, yes you are being a bit inflexible and it is a business cost, so please use the company card so your employees don’t feel like they have to pay to do their jobs.

      1. Generic Name*

        Also, if the concern is having to parse out incidental charges/room service, tell people if they want to do those things, they’ll have to use their own cards for that and they cannot just charge to the room.

    8. Wordybird*

      I feel his pain although my bank’s hold is not longer than a few days.

      I do not have any credit cards, either, and recently booked travel for my company’s annual meeting next year which means I just paid $350 out of my personal bank account that won’t be reimbursed and put back in that same account for at least another 7-10 days. That’s a lot of money to me. I was told, when asked, that the HR department was too busy this year to book everyone’s travel for them. Additionally, the meeting location this year is more than half an hour from the local airport (much closer locations exist but were not chosen for unknown reasons) even though 70% of my company’s employees are flying in from other cities or states for this meeting, and I’m expected, again, to pay for a 45-minute Uber ride (x 2!) that will be paid back to me 2-3 weeks after the meeting.

  80. blood orange*

    I’d love some advice on pursuing or not pursuing a master’s degree.

    I’ve been in human resources for close to 10 years, but I started in another field that was more closely aligned with my bachelor’s degree. Through taking on new responsibilities and promotions, I’ve landed in HR full-time. It’s my long-term career, but not the one that I expected.

    I’ve worked for the same owner for over 10 years, with a transfer between his companies three years ago. I love my job, leadership, co-workers, and the industry. I’m at the director level, with no plans to leave, but I’m a person who likes backup plans and security. If I left or lost this job, I’m concerned I would struggle to obtain a comparable position without a degree in HR, and specifically a master’s degree (since many director-level, or comparable, positions require one).

    Thoughts on whether I’m overthinking this? It’s not a small investment, but I can afford it (though I’d rather save for my son’s future education). I do believe it’s worthwhile education, but I need a gut check on whether it’s a smart move to pursue.

    1. SCM*

      I got a master’s degree in my field after unexpectedly working in it for several years. I find it useful both for my future job prospects but also just for the perspective that I got from widening how I look at my field, considering I had landed in a career I hadn’t trained for. That said, it is a big time and money investment and I’d say that a significant amount of the actual classwork was just doing it to get through the degree, which is a lot of time to commit for essentially busywork.

    2. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I think I’d reframe this and think about it not as whether or not more education is worthwhile but whether or not you’re up to date on the job training / credentials you need. It sounds like your profession is requiring a certain level of education/certification now vs when you started, and it’s not a bad idea to stay up to date. There are a lot of jobs that have become more “professionalized” over the last decade or longer and while not all jobs will necessary require XYZ, many might.

      Can you get the company to cover some of the costs as professional development? They’re going to benefit from what you learn, too.

    3. WellRed*

      Have you looked into HR certification in the meantime? I think it’s society for HR professionals.

  81. ecnaseener*

    Any tips for a first-time conference-goer? I’ve read the previous posts on here so I hopefully know the basics (comfy shoes, layers, small talk, snacks) but lay it on me!

    I think the thing I’m most nervous about is not absorbing enough useful information to make my attendance worth it for my team — I’m not especially good at absorbing information from talks, and my boss and I are the only ones going, so no hiding behind someone else’s notes. Not sure I have a specific question, just… any advice?

    And an actual question: What do people do when you don’t have business cards? (My field is pretty heavily WFH so I’m sure I won’t be the only one without them.) Swap phones like you’d do socially? Carry sticky notes?

    1. Rainy*

      Be ready to connect on LinkedIn, probably. Or make up one card with a QR code to your LI. Or ready a virtual contact “card” to airdrop to people.

      Carry snacks, bring a water bottle, take notes. :)

    2. LadyHouseOfLove*

      Bring a notepad to the conference. Also check first, but you’re more than likely allowed to take photos of the slides the people are presenting on. That way you can refer later, especially if the presenter moves the slides fast or there is so much information on them that you can’t write it all down.

      I don’t work from home but I didn’t get business cards until my third year in (our PR is notoriously slow). Sticky notes are fine. I’ve used them before and never had anyone raise eyebrows at them. Also, check with your workplace, you might be allowed to make your own business cards if you want to.

      1. noname today*

        Actually folks should be sharing digital copies of the presentations—that’s one of the things you want to be sure to ask for

    3. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I was going to say, take lots of notes in each session, but it sounds like that won’t be super helpful. In lieu of taking notes, can you write down key ideas that might have application to your own workplace? That way you’re not trying to absorb everything, just things that make you have an “Aha!” moment.

      I think now is the easiest time not to have business cards, actually! I think there’s something you can set up (don’t ask me how!), either native to your phone or something you download, that would let people scan a QR code to get your contact info. Lots of conferences also make contact lists available, so take a phone of the screen at the start of the session if the people you want to look up later are presenters.

    4. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Take notes yourself, and as part of your notes, keep a running list of things you could share with your team. Make these notes detailed enough that you’ll remember them. I always aim to have 5-10 things on my list by the end of the conference, and then use that list to choose 3-5 with the team.
      My list might have things like:
      1. XYZ software (url) – can do A, B and C, might be useful for this challenge or that challenge.
      2. Susie Q. Professional, top 3 tips for (something)
      – Tip 1
      – Tip 2
      – Tip 3
      3. Jane T. Expert shared 2020 census data on the growth of target demographic. Didn’t expect (fact) How can we best reach these people?
      I like just making a list and not having to decide in that moment, in that session if this is what I want to share. That feels like pressure to me.

      1. Global Cat Herder*

        I do the same thing – I take notes because I remember better if I write it physically, and try to focus those notes on “what would the team find USEFUL about this”.

        Also take lots of pictures, even though we’ll get the slides later, because I’m a visual learner so the pictures of the presenter WITH the slides help connect those notes.

    5. Global Cat Herder*

      >> What do people do when you don’t have business cards?

      The last several conferences I’ve been to, the name badges included a QR code that linked to your contact info (usually LinkedIn, although one had their own internal-to-the-conference contacts list). You scan each other’s badges instead of exchanging business cards. Could be specific to this industry though.

      1. JustaTech*

        Yes, and also check if your conference is using a conference ap that lets you connect with people, schedule meetings and see the schedule.

    6. Friday Person*

      Emailing (or approaching people in person) after their presentation to tell them that you found it really helpful and would love a copy is a very effective one-two punch of getting the notes you need and building your network a bit.

      Have fun!

  82. LadyHouseOfLove*

    So, my supervisor is relatively new to our work (college library) and she is being mentored by her predecessor. New supervisor is wonderful but because her predecessor is workaholic that micromanages and struggles with delegating tasks, it puts a lot of pressure on her.

    One habit that has been happening now is that every time she sends me an email, she messages me to see if I read it. I am already working on the things she’s asking but I also have other main responsibilities and commitments and the things she requests are matters that are not due for days. And this habit occurs several times a day.

    I don’t blame her for this because I know it is her predecessor breathing down her neck but it’s getting excessive. It’s making me cagey. I have a one-on-one with her this Monday but I don’t know what is a diplomatic way of saying, “Please get off my case.”

    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Ugh. It’s not 1987 anymore. Email is reliable. This is 100% the fault of her predecessor.

      “I always read my emails – you don’t need to worry that I am ignoring or forgetting your requests. Is there a better way for us to communicate or track these things, so that you’re able to make decisions with confidence that my part of the work will show up before the deadline?”

      1. NotBatman*

        1) I love your UN!

        2) Agreed that this habit is weird and off-base. I’d be even more direct: “Supervisor, you keep asking if I’ve received your emails, and every time I have. I think we’ve confirmed that everything is working as it should — is there something else you’d like me to do with regard to read receipts or once-daily check-ins about communication?”

    2. ecnaseener*

      Hm, I think you could approach it as a communication breakdown, like “Often I’ll get an email from you with a question that doesn’t seem urgent based on the project deadline, but then if I don’t reply right away I get a follow-up message from you, which makes me think I missed something about a more urgent deadline” — but honestly what I would probably do is just roll with it, start replying to everything immediately with “On it!” or whatever.

    3. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      Then you “mark as unread” for your own use and get on with your day. Two clicks v follow up emails might be the compromise.

    4. Goddess47*

      If none of the above work, ask if she thinks it’s an IT problem. “Do you have a problem with emails not going through to other workers? Or are you not receiving emails properly? How about if I put a ticket into IT and have someone from that department look at your email account and see if there are any problems?” Sometimes, the IT folk saying, “nothing wrong, it’s all working properly” will help have her back off… can’t hurt.

      And, sorry, if the old manager is that much of a micro-manager, that 1 on 1 is likely going to be with both managers present and you won’t have a good chance to connect with the new manager.

      Good luck!

    5. Friday Person*

      Can you reply back immediately with a quick “got it!”/”will do!”/”will take a look and get back to you in the next couple of days!” type of note?

  83. Early Career Professional*

    I have been at my current job for 2 years and am having my first annual review in this role and ever (I am early career). I work in a niche profession and I am unconvinced that my manager understands what I do and what I am able to do. I am hoping someone has advice on how to approach the evaluation . My manager indicates he would be sending more info earlier in the week and wanted to do the reviews next week, so of course he didn’t send anything and the not really knowing the plan part is frustrating. We are also supposed to review him and based on the conversation it is getting returned to him, which I really have a problem with particularly because I feel he isn’t a good manager, but I am not even sure it’s worth doing the manager review because I just don’t see anyone actually doing anything about the problem.

    1. Hlao-roo*

      Do you have annual goals? If you do have goals, my advice is to write out what you have done so far this year to meet those goals. Also write out accomplishments from this year that aren’t related to your goals if there’s space to do so. If you can include numbers like revenue generated/money saved/orders shipped/widgets built/reports written/etc., do so. If you need to write out a little explanation of how your tasks benefit the company as a whole to help your manager understand, do that (example: “I wrote 20 esoteric niche reports in 2024. Those reports were used by the purchasing team to find a cheaper supplier that will save the company $30,000 in 2025”).

      If you don’t have annual goals, most of the above still applies. Just write out all of your significant accomplishments for the year. A manager early in my career told me that he doesn’t know/remember all of the things all of his reports do every year, so thy more we could write down for our self-evaluations the better we would look and the easier time he would have making a good case that we deserved raises.

      As for reviewing your manager, that’s a tough one if he gets the feedback directly from you. In your shoes, I might write one positive thing about his management style and if there’s something small he could do as a manager that would be helpful to you, I might mention that (example: “I would like to have a scheduled one-on-one time to meet every week to flag issues and report on project status”).

    2. CoordinatorWoes*

      I manage the review process at my company. It sounds like you have three problems: 1. You don’t understand the review process – both how you’re being reviewed and how your review of your manager will be used. 2. Your manager doesn’t understand your work. and 3. You don’t have a very good manager.

      1. Understanding the process: Is there someone you can talk to in HR or whoever oversees reviews in general at your company to get a bird’s eye view? You want to ask questions about how your feedback will be shared and used, is there any level of confidentiality, and if it will be shared with your grandboss. You also want to ask about the expected timeline for your own review, level of detail expected, if you complete a self-review (this will be helpful for issue 2), and if there are any other guidelines they can share (that is, you need to get a certain average score to get a raise, only the top 10% can “exceed expectations,” etc.). If you don’t have HR, you can still ask the second set of questions about your review to your manager.

      2. Your manager doesn’t understand your work: When I see this happening at my company, I encourage the employee to proactively share their responsibilities and highlights. Think of it like how you might prep a teacher writing a reference letter by sharing all the great things you’ve done that you want them to write about. Your manager not knowing the ins and outs of your work doesn’t mean they’re a bad manager, necessarily, and you’d be doing them a kindness by *diplomatically* giving them some details on what you’ve done, who you’ve supported, who they can go to for more feedback on your work, etc.

      3. Your manager isn’t great: This is going to really depend on your relationship with your manager, your tenure/worth/capital at your company, and how much you care about the things that aren’t good. Without knowing any of that, I would suggest identifying one area that you think your manager could improve that has a clear, negative impact on your work. Maybe they’re not organized and ramble on in meetings, which makes it tough for you to know what to work on next. Maybe they take on too many projects and don’t have time to check in with you, which makes it tough for you to confirm priorities or get answers quickly. Whatever it is, choose one thing (don’t harp on everything they do that stinks) and make sure there’s a clear impact TO YOU that you’re asking them to address.

    3. Kitten*

      You might be overthinking this. It will probably be a decent eval. Are there consequences? There are usually not.
      Honestly I’d give the manager a good eval even if I had concerns because it’s easier

  84. Evelyn You Go*

    Another post about RTO… I work at a smaller health plan and the CEO dropped a hint today about “creating ways to bring people together more in the new year.” The other execs on the call, most of whom were clearly working from home, echoed the “we need to be together more to collaborate!” sentiment. My coworkers and I agreed this was a thinly veiled threat to enforcing some sort of in office rule, while we’ve been working from home for the last 4.5 years. My commute would be long, and I’m not on board with a forced in office mandate, even if it was only 2 or 3 days a week. I’ll be interested to see what the official announcement will be after the holidays, but I’m already setting up job alerts on LinkedIn.

    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      “You’re right. I have an idea that will save $500k annually for the next six years. Too bad we aren’t in the office for me to share it with you!”
      Really, we can talk about that!
      “No, you absolute teapot. I’m doing my job. My job that doesn’t involve you at all. Now go away.”
      signed,
      Caspar Milquetoast

  85. Somewhat Sorta Retired*

    Suggestions for what jobs might work for “semi-retirement”.

    Current job is in IT and involves a very large cloud application (think Workday or Salesforce). I’ve been at this company for 35 years and work about 60 hours a week. I have finally realized the workload is not going to get any better, so I’m retiring at the end of January.

    I can’t imagine just … not working. I’ve worked since I was 14! I’m really interested in working part time, or maybe work 3 months (for a reasonable amount of work, not my current workload) and then take a month or two off. After 35 years working for the same company, I don’t even know where to start.

    If you could “semi-retire” what kinds of things would you look into doing?

    1. Head Sheep Counter*

      My plan is/was a job that didn’t kill my soul but that might cover my health insurance. So in the fantasy space – a bookstore or yarn shop. But in the actual space I’m not sure.

    2. Strive to Excel*

      My grandparents both retired into being hospital translators! However they were both European immigrants who spoke 3 non-English languages fluently already, so I wouldn’t recommend that for everyone.

      I’d personally find a part-time job at a local eatery or cafe I enjoy. Or look into part-time not-for-profits.

      1. Global Cat Herder*

        That’s really cool that your grandparents were able to do that! Such a valuable and necessary skill, too.

    3. JustaTech*

      My grandfather was a chemical engineer who could not retire.
      One of his “retirement” jobs was to do some kind of very basic envelope stuffing job at the local IRS office. It was seasonal work and I think they mostly hired retired people. I don’t think it came with insurance or anything though.

    4. bean counter*

      I would be delighted not to work, but my dad was similar to you. Since he retired, he has been working part time at his county board of elections. He usually works several weeks leading up to each election (typically April, August, and November). It’s like one step up from minimum wage, but he likes it!

    5. DJ*

      Some sort of casual on call or consulting type IT work. Look at all the types of work you’ve done over the past decades and see what parts would suit this.
      I know someone who does acting extra work. Gets quite a bit of work.
      Is there something you’ve always wanted to try? Look into that.
      If you can afford to not be earning something volunteering is an option whilst figuring out your next move.
      Also some study.
      It’s worth a couple of sessions with a career counsellor to look at options.
      Also your superannuation company (or equivalent) may run some sessions on retirement planning from a lifestyle perspective.

    6. Surrogate Tongue Pop*

      I am looking to retire early in my 50s (I’m 51), but retirement to me means not working because I have to, but because I want to. I am not there yet, but some of my fantasy part time work includes: Working at a doggy daycare, taking 6 month contracts so I can be 6 months “on” and take 6 months “off” to travel and such, and volunteering more. Or, do things like medical transcription/coding part time in order to cover healthcare, groceries, gas. Good luck and congrats!!

    7. Goddess47*

      Consider volunteering somewhere meaningful. The local dog shelter, a food bank, wherever. That will let you mostly set your own hours and you can pretty much take time off as you please.

      Give yourself at least a month to decompress. Think of it as taking a month’s vacation. You’re away from work, not answering emails and having some fun. Then, depending on your financial situation, think about working.

      If you want to work a few hours a week but don’t need a lot of money, look for something where you always wanted to learn more about. The local big box store, the grocery store, an auto parts store, whatever. But short term work at minimum wage will let you come and go, also… worse case, if they won’t let you take time off, quit and move on to the next place.

      Enjoy! Once you’ve learned to slow down, retirement is the best!

  86. Blue Pen*

    Just curious what everyone’s take is on situations like this:

    If you email a colleague to compliment them on a job well done, a great presentation they delivered, etc., and they don’t respond, is that considered rude? Would it make a difference if the person receiving the compliment were a senior leader?

    1. Reba*

      Sure, I’d prefer if they responded, but I really don’t think it’s rude or problematic if they don’t. Especially the more senior they are, likely the more emails they have to deal with!

      1. ecnaseener*

        Agreed. Plus, there’s a spectrum of opinions on this but enough people subscribe to the “no thank-you emails, we’re all drowning in our inboxes” idea that it’s probably nothing personal.

  87. M.S.*

    A few months ago, I was recruited to serve on a committee for a professional organization in my field. One of my tasks involves helping plan an annual event which will be held in about a year. (I should note that my committee work is independent of my paid job, and I am not being compensated for it in any way.)

    The past few weeks have been incredibly stressful for me. In addition to having a former abuser pop back into my life unexpectedly, I recently learned that my job is in jeopardy due to administrative restructuring, despite my being a top performer at work. My career is a big part of my identity, and I am not prepared for the prospect of being unemployed during the holidays, especially with a young family.

    Amidst all of this, I’ve put my committee work on the back burner. Last night, the committee chair reached out to remind me that they need Deliverable X from me by next week. This did not come as a surprise — Deliverable X should have been completed a while ago. At the very least, I should have reached out to the committee when I realized I might not be able to get it done on time. I dropped the ball. I realize this reflects poorly on me, and I am not proud of it.

    What’s the best way to proceed here? Please be kind.

    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Be forthright. Say what you said here.

      “I’m sorry, two unrelated things came up in my personal life that got in the way. I didn’t realize the impact they were going to have until several weeks had already passed – but I should have told you back in (whenever). I’m going to need help to get this done. I have a start on X that I can hand off to somebody, I can do Y and Z between now and then, but somebody else is going to have to do the rest.”

    2. ferrina*

      I’m so sorry that everything is so tough right now! That’s a lot being thrown at you!

      From what you know of the professional organization, how influential are they in your field? Is this something where you can back out if you need to, or would that have long-term consequences for you? If you needed to, could you push through and get Deliverable X done? If you need to keep this bridge intact, what would happen if you did Deliverable X, then either didn’t volunteer for any tasks this month or just bowed out of the committee?

      You only ask about the committee, so that’s all I’m commenting on. But the rest of it sounds so, so stressful. Sending you much love and hugs if you want them!

      1. M.S.*

        Thank you so much. I truly appreciate it.

        I doubt stepping down from my committee role would have serious long-term consequences, but I feel awful about not following through on something I was responsible for. I’m doing my best to get my tasks done by the deadline, although it’s not easy since it requires coordination with folks across multiple organizations. I suspect what it’ll come down to is a combination of trying to power through as much as I can, and being forthright as Alton Brown’s Evil Twin recommended above.

  88. anon here*

    Is it unreasonable to ask my report not to use AI?

    As part of his work duties, I asked my report to take notes on a livestreamed (public) conference call. I learned earlier this week that he had AI just generate a transcript instead.

    Call me a Luddite, but I do not feel comfortable with using AI in our work. We do not have a company-wide policy (yet), but we work in an industry which has already had very public and embarrassing AI-related fails, and one that is notoriously conservative (we still have though only very occasionally use a fax machine). Because I hate AI (it is so boring; the stuff it generates is deeply uninteresting to me; I do not think it is the wave of the future in my industry in the short-to-medium term; training LLLMs or whatever off everyone’s work in the form of the entire internet is deeply unethical and also probably a bad idea from a quality perspective), I’m definitely biased here. Is this particular use case innocuous enough that I should chill? Or should I ask him not to use any AI tools in his work until he hears differently? (Though it’s hardly like I’ll be able to check effectively.)

    1. Rick Tq*

      Did your report review the transcript and correct all the errors that creep in with homonyms and mispronounced words? Starting with an AI transcript makes some sense to me, I cannot type fast enough to transcribe most speech in real time, I’d have to start/rewind/start a LOT to capture any kind of complex text.

      I’d say AI is a tool in his toolkit, not a full solution. Using AI is like using spell check. It helps create a good product but it isn’t the complete solution either.

    2. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      A transcript is one thing – there are non-AI closed captioning tools that do that, after all. I personally would let that slide.

      A summary is a different thing.

    3. ferrina*

      Considerations with AI:
      -What data is going into it? If he’s using publicly available AI for proprietary data, that means that your proprietary data is now being used by the company that made the public AI.
      -Is he obtaining consent for AI recordings? There is nothing worse than someone casually turning on AI when I don’t even know them; always ask before using AI recordings.
      -Is he reviewing the AI results for accuracy and usefulness? I use AI all the time in my work (we have proprietary LLM); sometimes I can use the results with only a few changes, and sometimes I rewrite the entire thing.
      -Is he actually completing the assignment. You asked him to take notes, not a transcript. Those are different things. Does he know what the action items are? Did he capture the main themes (not just quotes)?

      I love AI and have used it to cut down on my work- it quickly produces text for rote documents that are otherwise annoying and eat my time. But you need to be smart about how you use it. Hammers are a great tool, but you shouldn’t go swinging them at random. Same with AI.

    4. NotBatman*

      That all seems reasonable to me. Not only are people all over getting caught in AI-generated errors right now, but as you said AI is only as good as its (deeply biased) training set.

      If you need specific reason, you could cite the fact that everything you enter into an AI model automatically becomes the property of the company, meaning that you are in effect giving away your IP by using those tools. There’s also the issue of bias. The obvious errors — depicting brown-skinned Nazis, “fixing” women’s pictures by adding cleavage, generating more images of redheads than people of color — are just the tip of the iceberg. Asking your employee to stay away from those tools until you are satisfied that they can be trusted is a perfectly good idea.

    5. Qwerty*

      There’s the AI factor and there’s the question of if you are receiving the work output you need

      **AI**

      1. Did he get consent to record the call? A recording is used to generate the transcript (even if the AI is doing it in real time). Separate from the AI question you could be in trouble for recording without consent or violating the terms of the conference call.

      2. Did he get consent from everyone to use AI? He put everyone’s data into an AI tool therefore he needs to get their permission.

      3. What is your company’s general attitude towards AI tools. You say you don’t have an official policy but based on what you know of the company, is this likely to have been allowed?

      **Work Product**
      Let’s assume for a moment that the conference call produced the AI generated transcript so that it all the AI concerns are taken care of.

      Were the notes what you needed? Would you have been able to tell that AI was used? Personally I feel like notes are much more targetted and summarized than a transcript. Getting a transcript feels like he’s say “go read the meeting” which takes up almost as much time as actually attending the call. These are the easier items to talk about rather than whether AI is good or bad.

      I also question the accuracy of the transcript. AI still gets a lot of things wrong. Especially words it is not used to encountering, like company names and product names. Has he been reviewing the transcript for accuracy to build confidence that it is correct or blindly trusting the output?

  89. Tech Industry Refugee*

    I am glad so many people are having a productive week and asking real questions…but…

    Has anyone else been dissociating since like, Monday? Am I alone in this? Nobody is talking about the election at my remote role. I feel very alone.

    1. ferrina*

      Not alone. I’ve gotten maybe 3 hours of work done this week. There’s been a quiet phenomenon at my company of meetings that were going to happen this week being rescheduled.

    2. yepyepyep*

      I’ve had very brief (like, 10 minutes at a time) spurts of productivity interspersed with dissociating at my desk, normal meetings, crying jags in the bathroom, and meetings where we discuss how we are going to format a PIP for an employee who just is not working out….without making it seem retaliatory, because we did discover this week that he does vote red (when the rest of the office is very obvious about our own voting tendencies that are in direct opposition to his) and he shoved it in everyone’s faces in an extremely rude way on Wednesday.

      He’s been on the road to a PIP since July, so we’ve been documenting his workplace issues since then, but damn do I wish we could have sped up the process so it went into effect before the election. Because this is going to look real bad.

      1. WellRed*

        Hindsight and all that but yeah, perfect example of why it’s not good to drag out stuff like this.

        1. yepyepyep*

          Oh if we’d had a choice, he would have been on a PIP several months ago. But HR has hoops we must jump through, so….we jumped through the hoops and the timing led us to here.

    3. WellRed*

      I feel distracted and stressed and I’m surprised I’ve not heard much about it despite a few of us previously being actively chatty (DM or in person) about the election. Alison’s answer to a related question today was a little surprising.

    4. Tradd*

      Someone in my office was fired today because of going off on someone else who wouldn’t discuss the election. I think NO political talk at work is the way to go. Too much room for something to go wrong in relations with coworkers. See my post higher up in today’s comments. Do you have other places you can discuss the election?

    5. JustaTech*

      I’m burying myself deep in work because otherwise I’ll just cry and scream a lot and I don’t want to do that again.
      Literally AAM is the closest I can get to social media right now.

      Work is safe (for now), so everyone at work is holding it up like a shield or a talisman. It’s not actually going to protect us, but it’s giving us time to process.

      Internet hugs!

      1. JustaTech*

        Also, we had beer and cheese Wednesday afternoon (semi clandestine) where we didn’t really talk about the election until the very end (we mostly talked about old survival-style reality shows).
        I’m in a super duper blue area so most people share my views, but our company has sites in other parts of the country where folks are more likely to have other views, so folks hardly ever bring up politics in general. It’s not company policy, it’s just a thing.
        A specific government policy making our job harder? Maybe we’d talk about it. But not general type discussion.

    6. Head Sheep Counter*

      No one can talk about the election where I work… so other than very oblique comments about it being a heck of week… its been quiet. I work in a purple part of blue (was bluer) state so I’m not confident that the feelings are universal among my colleagues.

    7. HSE Compliance*

      Same. There’s bouts of productivity when I can bloop out the bad, but there was a day or so that I just… didn’t do much of anything, I worked from home and curled up in the fluffiest blankets I have, eating the remainder of the leftover Halloween candy.

      I’m not ready to have to explain to anyone except for some family and friends that not only am I terrified as a bi woman, I also work in safety/environmental compliance, which I’m expecting to get torn apart with the incoming administration.

      One of the professional groups I’m part of did send out a nice (albeit generic) message stating that they have resources if anyone needs any support or discussion.

      I’m so disappointed in my (swing) state right now.

      1. Tech Industry Refugee*

        Sending sisterly love from a fellow bi woman, with a trans family member. I am scared and I am infuriated. I am in what is now a red state in the Midwest, working for a government-adjacent consultancy. I definitely need this long weekend to grieve and plan the next steps.

        1. HSE Compliance*

          Hugs!!

          I’m taking the weekend to process. But after that, nothing else to do but roll up my sleeves and start doing whatever I can to support those around me that I can. I keep reminding myself I have the same nickname as my grandma for a reason, and if she would’ve fought like hell and raised cain, I’m going to do the same. Probably with more swearing, though.

    8. Sympathies*

      You are sooooo not alone! There are thousands of people — tens of thousands, more even — feeling the same way. They may not be up to talking about it yet. They may never be up to it. But they exist. (WE exist.) You are not alone. Hugs.

    9. anon because*

      You’re not alone. My 21-year-old daughter is trans and the only productivity I can muster is helping her and her boyfriend build an escape plan.

    10. Pillow Castle*

      It’s not being directly talked about for the most part, but I can sense the mood at my company, even as a new person and in a remote company. I had a team member take a mental health day on Wednesday and others that have just been off all week. Across the company, a ton of meetings were canceled and when they couldn’t be, off camera was the default (people are typically cameras on). People may not be talking, but they are feeling.

    11. Qwerty*

      I’m grateful that work does not talk politics. In 2016, every man in the office stopped by my desk the day after the election to apologize for the world I live in and process their feelings about the election. That week was awful.

      This week the only politics was everyone figuring out their voting schedule on Tuesday so we could rearrange meetings. Then we focused on really engaging work stuff all week and didn’t have to think about the outside world. I prefer this version.

  90. Double Trouble*

    I work two jobs.

    One job is freelance, within the field that I am trained in and have anticipated spending most of my career in. Because it is freelance, this job requires some outreach and a web presence in the form of a website and an up-to-date LinkedIn profile. I could probably do more to get more work, but at the moment this is the correct amount for me.

    The second job is for a company that is not in my field. It is pretty part-time and I do it to help out, but don’t really intend for it to ever become more than what it is now. This company is small, privately owned, and does not have a large reach, so their website is all but empty and contact information would be a bit hard to come by. My work with this company is purely behind-the-scenes, so the only people who ever need to contact me already know how to do so. What I’m saying is: this job requires zero web presence for me.

    So is it cool if it’s not on my LinkedIn profile or resume, assuming that those two things are being used for my freelance work and any future job applications within my field? There’s no large gap in my resume and this second job, truly, has no bearing on my career field (when I quit my last job within my career field, and told my boss where I was going, her words verbatim were: “But that’s not your career!”). But I’m not sure if I’m being dishonest or something by not including it. It takes up only a couple of hours per week for me and I do it remotely and usually outside of traditional work hours. Were I to apply for a job, I would consider scaling this back and possibly quitting it altogether, although I don’t see myself applying for anything anytime soon.

    2. EMP*

      Yeah it’s totally fine to leave this out. Like you say LinkedIn and your resume are marketing tools, not an audit.

  91. NotBatman*

    Any fellow educators out there feeling overwhelmed by student demands right now? My email is full of a) students begging to know how they can take their grade from an A- to an A, and b) trans and/or Black students (understandably) trauma-dumping about how they’re struggling to focus on class. I’m feeling exhausted and wrung-out, and dangerously close to snapping at the “You don’t understand, I NEED an A+”-ers.

    Can anyone recommend how to get through my inbox? I’ve been taking deep breaths all week; deep breaths don’t write emails.

    1. Aspiring Chicken Lady*

      Not an educator, but just a reminder – you are under no obligation to do additional work to assist students to increase grades through methods not already outlined in the syllabus, regardless of whether they’re trying to pass or trying to get an A+. You have already defined the rubric. If they would like help getting the NEXT assignment to a higher level, then that’s what your office hours and the campus tutoring center is for.

      If someone has extenuating circumstances, then feel free to adjust your plans, but for most students, it is what it is. And maybe grade the first assignment but don’t count it in the average if they need to understand how to calibrate their efforts.

    2. cheap eats*

      Not in education any more, but I used to be. I would set up 2 email templates. Something like this?

      Template 1: Hi there! I’m so glad you’re interested in bringing your grade up. I appreciate your dedication to the class. Here are two options: option a, and option b. These are the only potential options and they must be turned in by X. [Or, if you cannot entertain that right now, then say Unfortunately I can’t accept new submissions right now due to the timing at the end of the semester. Or, I can accept, but you have 24 hours.] Whatever you feel you can manage that doesn’t invite additional emails.

      Template 2: I know that this is an incredibly hard time for you right now and please understand that you are not alone. Many of your fellow students are struggling too. Here are some options for you to complete your class commitments, and if it means that you will be absent from class, here are your resources. (whatever those options are, if available) Please take care of yourself. You are grieving and this is a physical process and often affects us more than we realize. I cannot tell you that everything will be okay; none of us know what the future holds. but in the present, please know that you are in my thoughts and i care about you.

    3. TheGirlintheAfternoon*

      I work in a student-facing role in higher education, though I’m not a direct educator. Basically: email template that can be slightly tweaked to reflect the level of support you can offer. And for any emails that really do warrant a longer response, send the template response, flag it so that you’ll remember to go back to it, then follow up before too long with a message that starts “I’ve been thinking about this some more, and…” or “One thing I forgot to mention in my earlier response was…” Once the overall number of responses you need to send is lower, I think it gets easier to respond to those that need more depth.

      For group A: a copy-and-paste reply of something along the lines of “I understand you want to improve your grade. You’re already performing very strongly in this class! I think continuing to implement the feedback you’ve been given thus far is your best bet of pulling up your grade. I’d be happy to discuss this with you; I am available in person or by videochat, and you can book a time to talk at LINK.” I do not think a huge number of students will take you up on this, but you know your students best.

      For group B: this is so tough. Again, I’d go with a broadly applicable response along the lines of “I’m so sorry you’re struggling right now. It’s completely understandable – this is a really difficult time. I wish there were more I could do to help, but please know that I’m committed to supporting you in this course, even if it is – again, understandably – not your focus right now. I’m more than willing to [offer extensions/reschedule meetings/talk during office hours/whatever you can sustainably offer]. And you may already know about these resources, but in case you don’t, SCHOOL offers counseling/peer support/etc. [links].”

      1. NotBatman*

        Thank you! These are useful scripts. And I like the idea of starting with a short response, but flagging the conversations for myself to return to when I have more bandwidth.

    4. Analytical Tree Hugger*

      Yes, I’m in the same boat.

      For the “You don’t understand, I NEED an A+”-ers, form letter and a script (if they confront you in person). You don’t need to address them individually or give them any real thought or consideration.

      The trauma dumping and emotional labor piece…yeah, that’s something I’m running on fumes about as well and trying to navigate. I sympathize and commiserate, but don’t have any helpful advice. Sorry :(

      1. NotBatman*

        Thank you! Yeah, students are in real pain, they have real reasons to be afraid… and I can’t carry that weight for them. I get why some of them are writing me 5 or 6 paragraphs about their emotions, but I’m a human and I only have so much bandwidth.

    5. Wallaby, Well I'll Be*

      Write a script for your LQBTQ+ and POC students writing in that refers them to on-campus mental and physical health resources. Do whatever research you need to do to give them as much information as possible. Reassure them that you’re their ally, and then tell them you look forward to seeing them in class, Regards, [your name]

  92. Just OK*

    I switched jobs 6 months ago after 6 years in my previous position. I went from a llama grooming start up, where I was part of a small team working closely with the llamas, to a large llama farm where I’m part of a much bigger team doing everything llama related. The thing is, I thought I was going to be working more closely with the llamas at my new job. It wasn’t a bait and switch, but I just had some assumptions that kind of didn’t play out. There’s already a medium sized team that does the hands on llama grooming work, and while I have a high level title, I’m doing less glamorous and honestly less interesting things like organizing the tack room.
    The guy who hired me and leads my team is my skip level, and I do believe him when he says he wants me to be happy in my role. I worry that my grooming skills are atrophying, and really I took this job to grow in certain areas that it doesn’t seem like I’ll get exposed to the way I thought I would.

    It’s only been 6 months. I am getting paid enough and it’s OK enough that I can definitely stick it out (especially in this economy), but I’m wondering if I should bring up wanting to move to the hands on llama grooming team in the future. Officially, this new company does not allow internal transfers before 18 months of employment. I’m not even sure I meet the qualifications for the grooming team (at this new job, a lot of the llama groomers have PhDs). Maybe bringing it up now though can let me know if it’s something I can/should work toward, or if I should find what I want to do within my current role? Thanks.

    1. NotBatman*

      Obviously you know your boss better than we do, and can estimate his receptivity. But yes, I would say it’s worth bringing up with almost exactly the phrasing you used here: “In my old role, I enjoyed the chance to have hands-on llama experience, and I’d like to work toward a similar role here. Would you be all right with me seeking out llama grooming training opportunities with that goal in mind?”

  93. New Job Jitters*

    I could use some advice with setting the right mindset when starting a new job!

    I’m starting a new job soon that will be 100% in person. I currently WFH around 90% of the time, as I have for the majority of my career at this point, and I strongly prefer it but I was excited enough about this job that I’m willing to make the change. Plus, I acknowledge there are some benefits to working in person, especially when you’re new somewhere. But I’m going to miss it! I’m going to miss my slow morning routine (it’s my favorite part of the day!), I’m going to miss my comfy clothes, I’m going to miss having a cat purring in my lap whenever I’m at my desk, and I’m really going to miss peace and quiet (I’m so much more productive at home). I’m trying to think of this less as “return to office” and more like a fresh start, and that does help. But does anyone have any tips for making in-office life more bearable for those of us who love WFH? Do I just really need to lean into office life? Does decorating your space actually help at all?

    And on a related note, any tips for calming your nerves about a new job in general? I don’t think I was nearly this nervous the last time I changed jobs, so I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I keep just being scared I won’t be good enough, despite the evidence telling me I’ll be great at this job. How do I avoid coming across as an anxious mess when I meet my new coworkers?

    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Have you thought about transition space/time? One of the best things about a commute for me is that the change in scenery helps me reset my brain – especially the drive home. Vary up your commute route if you can, so you can look at different stuff every day – trees, buildings, whatever that you wouldn’t see while you were at home.

    2. Qwerty*

      Pre-plan out some “work clothes” to help you get excited for it. When getting back into the in-office groove, lay out your clothes the night before. It is so quick to do in the evening and yet speeds me up so much in the morning.

      Keep a couple essentials in the office like a good sweater, headache meds, extra hair ties, etc. Have a little routine when you get to work – I love drinking my team and going through code reviews at the start of my day as the rest of my brain wakes up.

      One bonus to in office when you are starting is it can reduce the nerves. You don’t have to worry “am I bothering Jane if I ask her a question” – you can see her smile when you ask for help or talk to people about casual topics in the kitchen and get to know them as people.

      1. New Job Jitters*

        All great advice, thank you so much! I forgot how helpful it used to be to have extra stuff like hair ties in the office from back when I worked in person full time many years ago. But it really is the little things!

    3. Tradd*

      I have always been in office, except for 8 months during the plague. If you drive to work, see if you can find routes that have more nature. I have a route that goes through a heavily forested area and it’s gorgeous in the fall. Make sure to have your favorite hot beverage (or cold, if that’s what you prefer). Search out favorite podcasts/playlists to have for the drive. My commute is 45-60 minutes each way and it’s a way to differentiate between work and home. I listen to the radio for news/traffic, then switch to podcasts.

      1. New Job Jitters*

        Very true! When I do go into the office, I take the scenic route, even if it’s a few minutes longer, it’s much more enjoyable. 45-60 minutes each way seems so intimidating though! You must have incredible stamina!

        1. WellRed*

          Same! It’s more peaceful and I avoid the backups when there’s an accident (which are frequent on that stretch).

  94. That's a doozy*

    My supervisor is claiming work accommodations through the ADA for being an alcoholic, which in general I fully support. However, the specific accommodation requested appears to be that she should be exempt from our “no being drunk/high/intoxicated while at with policy” and can’t be fired for breaking that policy. Does that make any sense?

    2. Aspiring Chicken Lady*

      Not an ADA Attorney, but Nope.

      She could ask for accommodations for attending an on-line AA meeting or to get other supports, or to avoid dinner meetings with cocktails attached, or to get a car service because her license was suspended or because she arrived to work under the influence and needs to be returned home.

      She should still be held to performance and professionalism standards. If she is impaired, she should not be working. If she smells of alcohol and is meeting with clients, she is damaging the reputation of the company.

      Anyway, that’s my take on it.

    3. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      No, that does not make sense at all. That’s not reasonable, and it has a direct impact on the business.

      The “no being intoxicated” policy is probably in place because intoxicated people make a lot more mistakes, are less productive, and can physically endanger themselves, their coworkers, and their customers. If the nature of her job is such that she can perform just fine while being bombed, without any negative consequences to others, then sure – she can be exempted from the policy. But I am struggling to think of any job where that’s the case.

    5. Head Sheep Counter*

      That’s amazing (and sad). I don’t think they will be successful with such a request.

    6. Margaret Cavendish*

      Oh wow, that’s an interesting thought experiment! Assuming that there’s no direct safety issue – she’s not driving or performing surgery or anything like that – I wonder if there’s room to argue that she could be exempted. Something along the lines of… if she meets the literal criteria of being drunk (like blowing over on a breathalyzer), it’s okay as long as her behaviour is office-appropriate and it doesn’t affect her work.

      I’m not saying it’s a good idea, but I can see room for somebody to make the case for it.

      1. Unkempt Flatware*

        I can’t imagine any office would take on the liability of not only allowing, but providing permission, to use on the job. A simple fall and they’re screwed.

      2. RagingADHD*

        People can come up with a far fetched case to argue anything. That doesn’t make it in any way reasonable. If she were capable of stopping herself from drinking to the point of noticeable impairment, why would she need this so-called accommodation at all?

        She would just continue flying under the radar like all the other functional alcoholics do before they get caught.

    7. Wallaby, Well I'll Be*

      No, but it IS funny. Sure, let her ask. Her accommodations can’t impinge upon your own rights or safety, so if she’s drunk at work, make an HR case of it. But I think there’s zero chance of her getting this “accommodation.” I am impressed and inspired by the audacity, though.

    8. Mimmy*

      An ADA accommodation would only be appropriate if your supervisor was in an alcohol rehabilitation program or otherwise seeking to get sober. Allowing her to be intoxicated at work has all kinds of ramifications.

  95. Aspiring Chicken Lady*

    Not an educator, but just a reminder – you are under no obligation to do additional work to assist students to increase grades through methods not already outlined in the syllabus, regardless of whether they’re trying to pass or trying to get an A+. You have already defined the rubric. If they would like help getting the NEXT assignment to a higher level, then that’s what your office hours and the campus tutoring center is for.

    If someone has extenuating circumstances, then feel free to adjust your plans, but for most students, it is what it is. And maybe grade the first assignment but don’t count it in the average if they need to understand how to calibrate their efforts.

  96. AnonyMooseToday*

    I applied for a Fed job. I’m currently in a Fed job but don’t have one year yet, so I applied as a public citizen, but still filled in the federal job questions. But I accidentally marked that I was “permanent” instead of “conditional” (because their examples kinda sucked) which I should’ve done since I’m still on probation.

    Should I email the agency HR to clarify or just let it go since ultimately I marked that I was applying as a public citizen?

  97. Audrey*

    I applied for a job back in mid-August that I definitely didn’t put my best foot forward for — I was anxious about it disappearing and I rushed through the short-form questions and didn’t include the optional cover letter. I got a rejection email a couple of days later saying they had other candidates with profiles that were better matches, which was frustrating because I felt (and still do) that I was a really, really good match in terms of experience (although it’s overseas, so I’m completely willing to accept that they just didn’t want to deal with a work visa or something like that). I set a reminder to see if the listing was still up on Oct 1 and then I’d consider reapplying.

    It’s Nov 8 now and the listing is very much still up. I’ve worked on redoing my resume and writing a cover letter, and drafting much more considered answers to the questions. I’m going to reapply — but what I’m wondering is, should I reach out to the person who rejected me first, or just quietly reapply? I wasn’t recruited; I wasn’t asked for a phone screen or interview; but I’m not sure if it will come across oddly to just resubmit without a word. I might be overthinking it but I’m hoping y’all have some advice. Thank you!

    1. Box of Kittens*

      Since you didn’t have an interview or speak to anyone, I would suggest just reapplying. I don’t think it would hurt to reach out to the person who rejected to but I also don’t know that you need to..

    2. Wallaby, Well I'll Be*

      A job listing that has been up for this long is not a real job listing. SFGate recently published a story about “ghost jobs.” The headline is, “‘A lot of demoralized people’: Ghost jobs are wreaking havoc on tech workers.” It’s worth a read. Even if you’re not in tech, a job listing that’s been up for this long is either a mess up by HR, or a job that no one actually has a budget for.

      1. LJ*

        Yeah, and there’s going to be a record of the rejection in their system. You might not even be able to submit a new application for the same posting. I’d move on.

  98. Raisin Walking to the Moon*

    I need a way to remind my bright, humane, director-level boss that we’ve already made decisions about things she keeps bringing up as obstacles.

    Let’s say that Jane was always a little completion-hesitant but chemotherapy and a bad head injury have really impacted her organization and her ability to make decisions. we’re working on a huge, complex project for which the buck truly does stop with her and which is so customizable that there are no “wrong” ways to do it.

    Today while trying to move a step forward, Jane took 20 minutes to describe an extremely unlikely hypothetical and insisted that we need to pause, loop in stakeholders, and hold meetings before we make another move. I got back to my office and realized: we already did that, twice, for the same unlikely hypothetical. Then I realized it’s maybe the tenth time some version of this has happened since Jane’s head injury.

    Jane also repeatedly asks me to ask someone a question in such convoluted language that I say “let me write this down” and in writing it out she answers the question herself. But later she’ll decide her answer was wrong. And then she’ll change her mind a third time or forget the entire situation.

    What would you do?

    1. Rick Tq*

      Who is Jane’s boss? It sounds like Jane isn’t able to perform with her current medical conditions, and may never be able to perform if she doesn’t recover from her traumatic brain injury.

      The kindest thing may be to put her on medical leave so she can focus on her cancer treatment and recovery from her injury.

      1. Ginger Cat Lady*

        She may not be able to afford to do that! My boss went through her whole cancer treatment while working, because her (BLEEP) husband left her right after her diagnosis, and if she wasn’t working, she couldn’t pay her bills.
        Don’t do anything to force someone onto medical leave. Let them know it’s available, but don’t make that decision for them.

        1. Strive to Excel*

          Thing is, if Jane’s not able to perform at the level she needs to, the organization may not have another option. Medical leave is a lot better than being let go.

          Hopefully there’s a paid medical leave option available.

    2. WantonSeedStitch*

      I would probably say be matter of fact in the moment and say “I don’t know if you remember, but we already discussed X and decided Y. Want me to send you my notes?” And I might have a word with your grandboss (assuming they’re a decent person and a decent boss.) I’d broach it from a point of view of “This has been happening multiple times. Here are some examples. I have to admit I’m a little concerned for Jane. I know she’s been through a lot lately. And I’m concerned about what this could mean for our project. I just wanted to make sure you’re aware that it’s been going on, in case you have any ideas about how I should handle it.” And if your grandboss is good, they will have a private word with Jane to talk about the pattern and ask, “what’s going on?”

      1. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

        +1 on having your grandboss ask Jane about it.
        It wasn’t until a year after my chemotherapy finished that I realized that I really wasn’t “all there” during my first 6 months back at work. I was lucky that my company had paid leave for a specific number of hours to cover the chemo days, and I could use the remainder of the hours up until one year. My management cut back my responsibilities by shifting me to support another program without discussing it with me.

    3. RagingADHD*

      Have you talked to her directly about the pattern you’re seeing? It is not insulting or ableist to tell her gently that you have seen a change in her decisionmaking process since the injury, and ask her how you can help her compensate for it.

      Offer her your notes. I assume that on a complex project you have documentation of the various stages, issues, and decisions. Make sure she can access that (preferably directly rather than through you) if she starts to worry about missing something.

      But I think you have standing to flag this for her as a recurring problem.

  99. Diabetic friendly food as a dietary requirment*

    I read a lot about examples of possible dietary requirements e.g. gluten free, nut free, vegan etc. But never see anyone mention diabetic or low carb as an example or raise this as an issue.
    Would like to hear from those with diabetes and those in the know re this. Being diabetic myself it’s often hard to find something that is extremely low carb either at work functions or at takeaway places around the office. Yet we’re expected to go into the office more to “stimulate CBD business” which includes lunch venues.
    Does anyone request diabetic friendly/low carb food as an option? Interestingly there is some crossover with gluten free but those with diabetes need to also avoid fruit, non-gluten crackers and cakes, chocolate etc.
    I’m also wondering if it’s because there’s a stigma around having diabetes especially type 2 as it’s considered a lifestyle related condition even though it can be linked to genetics and can occur in people who aren’t overweight.

    1. WellRed*

      I’ve had type 1 for years. It was harder in my earlier years and I was often stricter with myself but I’ve loosened up a bit (not that you should or need to). I have absolutely spoken up at various times about needing something like a salad option. I also once got so tired of the cookies and everything being brought in daily for awhile at one job (store bought in sale, nothing special) that I asked if we could get a break from it. Everyone pulled together for a healthy snack buffet one day. They loved it, I felt seen.

      1. WellRed*

        I’ve also found it’s better to just request what you want (regardless of if it’s nut free, vegan or low carb) rather than leave it open to interpretation for the well meaning.

    2. Strive to Excel*

      I’d guess because it’s a more complicated food restriction than just “no dairy” in terms of what you need to account for, and people who aren’t diabetic don’t understand what goes into maintaining the diet. You should still make the request to your food coordinator, but I’d recommend for your own safety simplifying things. “I can’t have baked goods” is going to be much easier on someone else ordering food than “I can have whole grain muffins but not bread rolls” (I have no idea if this is true, adjust to your own food needs accordingly).

      Alternatively, you can borrow an Alison script and ask if when there’s food being ordered in you get a chance to review the menu to order something safe or ask if instead of getting food for you the company would be willing to reimburse your own order.

    3. The Prettiest Curse*

      One of our senior staff has type 2 diabetes and we always make sure that we have food that meets her needs at events she attends. It’s also very helpful that she gives us specific examples of things that are widely available that she can eat/drink. If whoever arranges food for the events you attend is good at their job, they’ll want to make sure that your needs are met.

      Restaurants may be more difficult – if there are any online diabetes support/resource groups for your area, they may have suggestions on which places are best.

    4. kalli*

      I do ask for low carb but people just don’t understand it. I usually look at the menu for a specific venue and contact them in advance and ask either if I can order a specific item for me (especially where there’s an event package, buffet or sharing menu) or lay out my specific limitations and ask if I am able to just order drinks rather than put them through the hassle. They’ll usually either come back and try to offer something, or say that’s fine and to let them know if I need anything specific on the day.

    5. Nightengale*

      I’ve been type 1 for most of my working life and I . .. just bring my own food. Since I don’t need “low carb” but rather “exactly how many carbs are in this thing?” I don’t really eat out much outside work either. I like to cook, which helps.

      Rarely I will join in “let’s order in food for this meeting” or have a treat someone brings in if there is an available carb count (like subs from a chain or a cookie from a grocery store that attaches nutritional information) and even more rarely if there isn’t one. But mostly I just say no thanks and eat my own stuff.

  100. Pizza night*

    I’m a sales professional and my boss (who also owns the company) is ruining my reputation. For example…
    – He runs off clients he doesn’t like…?!
    – He doesn’t like to sample (unheard of) but when he does, he waits weeks instead of ASAP.
    – When I do get an actual order, he’ll intentionally ship some outdated products.
    Clients that I’ve built relationships with have quit working with our company because of his actions, not mine. On top of that, he keeps my sales records a secret, so I don’t know what I truly bring to the table.
    Rather than double-down at this job, it’s apparent I need to look elsehwere. But I haven’t been able to shine at this company. How do I explain and demonstrate my value to potential employers? Obviously I can’t complain about my shabby boss and lack of achievements.
    Please help!

  101. Jaya*

    I’ve met with another temp agency, and I appreciate the owner was impressed with my resume. They’re sending me to interview for an admin position, while mentioning there may be a supervisor position opening next year. That does help, since one position where I made it to round two (for the third time) turned me down. But I’m reminding myself there are no guarantees. And I scheduled interview prep for next week to find out what I can improve from the remote side.
    Emotionally, I’m trying to remind myself how to stay grounded. Because I’ve been all over the place for reasons.

  102. sagewhiz*

    A few months ago when face blindness came up a few times one week, in the open thread I mentioned an upcoming book: _Do I Know You? A Faceblind Journalist’s Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory, and Imagination_. I finished it a few days ago and it is an astonishing delve into neurodiversity!

    The author, Sadie Dingfelder is a science reporter. She and her family always considered her both forgetful and a klutz. After *accosting* a stranger in a grocery store, thinking it was her husband, she knew something very different was going on, and her research began. It turns out she is one of the most faceblind people to ever take part in scientific studies. Even before she mentioned Oliver Sacks, I was thinking this is just the kind of book he would have written—chock full of fascinating information and witty to boot.

    One thing that utterly amazed me to learn was that, while 2.5 percent of the general population is faceblind, a whopping 36 percent of people with autism are. Comforting info for those who deal with this, and helpful for me as I often spend time around young people with autism. Def gets a 5-stars from me!

    1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      36% ! Good to have actual stats. I’ve often wondered if my faceblindness was related to being an Aspie. So, thanks for this info

    2. Nightengale*

      Autistic faceblind person here. I can recognize some very familiar people and would not mistake my wife for a hat if I had a wife. (I do have a hat.)

      The autistic community typically includes nametags at social events due to the high rates of prosopagnosia. Although even with my own experiences and knowing all that, I still don’t always remember to screen my autistic patients for this.. .

  103. Chicky*

    Regarding writing a resume that shows accomplishments instead of job duties – I saw a question on a job hunting group recently that asked what happens if most of your suggestions for new processes and other things you wanted to accomplish were shot down or just not followed through on? Can you put great proposals you made in a resume even if they never came to fruition? Could you only include ones where you have some kind of product to show for these ideas, like an actual written report?

    1. WellRed*

      If it never came to fruition, it’s not an accomplishment. There’s no way to see how it worked or didn’t work etc.

    2. Spiky*

      If it was just a proposal there’s no way to know it was great! It might have been disastrous in practice. Definitely not resume-worthy. And anything that indicates you had lots of ideas shot down/dismissed risks looking like you were bad at coming up with ideas.

      Stick to stuff you actually accomplished.

  104. Anne*

    Recently, someone else on our team was selected as team lead and I’m feeling bad that I was not selected. My feelings have gone from sadness to frustration to feeling demotivated. Due to my family situation and my industry, switching to another job isn’t feasible at this time. I need to dig deep, work through these feelings, and move past them. I need to come with coping strategies for how to handle this new situation at work. How have you coped with not receiving a promotion? How do you continue to work in a dysfunctional environment without resentment, bitterness and self-doubt?

    I’m currently going to graduate school so in the future, I can move up or out. I keep telling myself that I will have more options in the future. I’ve also thought about redecorating my cubicle so the environment feels different, but maybe that’s silly.

  105. Fergus Lastname*

    I worked for Big Teapot Retailer part time several summers ago, as Jane Lastname. But I’m a trans man, and I’ve now changed my name to Fergus Lastname. I pass as male. I’m moving again, and I would like to apply to work at the local Big Teapot Retailer. But I’m guessing they will ask if I worked for the company before on the online application. I can’t lie and say I didn’t. But if I say I did work there, they won’t be able to find a record of Fergus Lastname in their system. How do I prevent my application from being thrown out?

    1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      I’d expect a competent system to ask for your name when you last worked there as e.g. many women change their surnames on marriage.

    2. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      or if they don’t let you specify your old name / you don’t want to and then they can’t find you on their system, they’ll ask why, as this has probably happened before.

      Definitely tick you have worked for them before though.

  106. Claudia*

    About six months ago, I resigned a position due to burnout. Not the reason I gave to the company, and I left in good graces. Now, they have reached out with an offer of free lance project work. I am considering this as I’ll have more control over my hours. But, how much should I ask to be paid? Take my last hourly rate and add 25% for taxes? Free lance work in my industry isn’t really a thing, so I have no reference points. I am in the US.

    1. Rick Tq*

      More like add 50% to help cover your new costs for medical insurance, and 15% of that will be going to cover the employer half of Medicare and Social Security that you now have to pay as an independent contractor.

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