a good news story

by Alison Green on December 17, 2024

A note from a reader:

I’ve been an avid reader for years, and have always appreciated your no-nonsense advice. I hadn’t realized quite how much I had absorbed until I needed it, though.

Earlier this year I started a new role in an industry I’m very familiar with. I was assigned to work with Cedric, who was at the same level as me in our organization’s hierarchy. It’s a small industry and word had gotten around about Cedric — that he didn’t deliver on projects, took 4-5 days’ sick leave each month, started late and left early — but it was made clear that I wasn’t his manager, so I just had to learn to work with him (the frustration was evident!). Our manager works from a different location and would be managing us remotely.

In week three, Cedric took me aside and said that he had been going through a significant mental health crisis over the last six months and had also been diagnosed as autistic, but didn’t feel safe raising this with our managers. He asked if I could have oversight of delegating his work, because he felt comfortable and safe with me.

I had a chat with our manager who was very happy to trial a new system where I oversaw the overall work program and Cedric’s workload, but development and performance were still managed remotely.

It’s been three months and everything is coming up Millhouse! It turns out he had been given big projects like “organize a llama grooming workshop” with no input from others, and no clear due date, milestones, budget, or agenda — no wonder he was floundering when you added in mental health challenges and neurodivergence! We now have daily and weekly catchups and one-pagers for each project with clear outcomes, we’ve designed some new processes together, and most importantly he knows I have his back. He still has some “wobbles” (his words) but they are much less frequent, and he’s been super proactive about working out what has caused the wobble so we can address it. (For instance, we have moved to a quieter part of the office with less sensory overload, and our catchups are mid-morning once he has settled in for the day.)

My manager is astounded at the turnaround, I’ve been promoted to team leader, and Cedric is smashing his work program. I’ve kept his confidences about his health, so if anyone asks I just say we’ve got some new ways of doing things that Cedric seems to gel with.

All that advice you dole out on the regular — be up-front about expectations, be kind, look for practical solutions, be friendly but don’t be friends with your subordinates, acknowledge that everyone has something going on in the background — has been gold.

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{ 111 comments }

{ 111 comments… read them below }

    1. MrsThePlague*

      I read this as one of the lyrics from the Macklemore song Thrift Store and it made me even happier!!

      (I’m gonna pop some tags/Only got 20 dollars in my pocket/I’m, I’m, I’m hunting, looking for a come up/This is effin awesome) :’D

  3. Nice cup of tea*

    It is a massive compliment from someone autistic to tell you that you are a safe person.

    You have made a massive difference to Cedric.

      1. Something about Larry*

        tbh I’m autistic and I cried after reading the letter. I’m so glad to know ppl like you exist

        1. Anon (and on and on)*

          I’m right there myself. So many years struggling in the workforce when a diagnosis and an awesome boss like OP could have changed everything. This is the best update ever!

      2. Nerd Fun*

        Good for you, OP! You’ve made a huge difference in Cedric’s work life. Many thanks to you for sharing and, of course, to Alison. Like you, I appreciate the sound, practical advice and the great community that has grown around AAM.

      3. Slow Gin Lizz*

        I love this story, thank you for sending it in!!!!! Do you happen to know why it is that Cedric trusted you after only a few weeks? I mean, aside from the fact that you seem like a great person, of course.

    3. LaminarFlow*

      Yes!! As an aunt to an autistic 20 year old, being considered a safe person is a huge compliment. Well done, LW!!

  5. Alice*

    This is great. I’m autistic and having clear goals and regular check ins have helped me so much in the workplace too, even before I was diagnosed.

  6. Shiny Penny*

    This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing, this is the story of kindness and competence that I needed today.

  8. Cmdrshprd*

    “It turns out he had been given big projects like “organize a llama grooming workshop” with no input from others, and no clear due date, milestones, budget, or agenda — no wonder he was floundering when you added in mental health challenges and neurodivergence!”

    Honestly I think some/many people (I’m sure some rockstars would be able to roll with it) without mental health challenges and neurotypical would have issues with the lack of guidance/direction.

    2. OP*

      Oh absolutely! There was some additional context that I left out of my letter for brevity, but in a nutshell, everyone expected Cedric to push back if he needed guidance, and that wasn’t something he felt comfortable doing before I came along.

    3. Captain_SafetyPants*

      This just helped me put words around a struggle I’ve been having at my own workplace! The director is frustrated that a program I’m supposed to be implementing isn’t making quicker progress, but I was also not given a due date, expected milestones, or any guidance on what the steps and pace of program implementation at this company are meant to include, or what kinds of process aids or training or communication the end users will need —all for a bunch of employees who are in a different department and whose normal work processes I’m not familiar with. I want a one pager and clear outcomes! Thanks for your articulate framing of the problem!

      1. hbc*

        I was once part of an entire group starting up a company location that was left hanging like this. “Oh, we expected you to ask if you needed something.” In what world would an assembly facility not want your existing assembly instructions?

        We eventually made peace with a process for *everything* that involved us making a quick-and-dirty draft and them giving the feedback that could have been in the initial request. “You’re missing an optional step for a variant, take a look at the attached instructions.” “The hotel you selected for the offsite meeting is too close, and doesn’t have a golf course.” Anyone we hired who had dealings with headquarters was screened carefully for tolerance for this kind of inefficiency.

    4. Resentful Oreos*

      Wowza, it sounds like he was thrown right in at the deep end. I think *most* people – neurodivergent or not – would flail. Maybe some rock star types who have years of experience wouldn’t, but they would be the exception.

      I’m glad things are working out so well all around.

    5. Education Mike*

      The first several times I’ve been in situations like this, I wasn’t able to ID that the problem wasn’t just “I suck.” I developed so much anxiety around work but couldn’t pinpoint why, and just felt dumb and like I was floundering. No wonder Cedric was calling out so often; the stress and anxiety of this must have been crushing.

      This is truly such a heartwarming story AND a great example of how being empathetic and working around different people’s needs is actually good for business, too. Thanks for sharing OP!

      1. Elizabeth West*

        This is exactly what has been happening to me lately. Work, my doctor, and I are trying to deal with it.

    6. Ms. Norbury*

      No kidding! This kind of thing is my personal work nightmare, in his place I’d be spending my workday freaking out. It’s great were able to identify the problem, OP, and find a way for Cedric to thrive. That’s the stuff good managers are made of.

    7. LL*

      Right?? I may be neurodivergent, although I’m not sure yet and I’ve had other mental health problems in my life, but I would probably have no idea where to start with this, especially if it isn’t something I’ve done before and extra especially if I wasn’t given any guidance on timeline, budget, expectations, etc.

    9. Cat Lady*

      That was also my reaction! I hate it when managers expect me to read their minds and then get upset when I don’t do things how they wanted. I’m so glad Cedric is getting adequate direction now.

  9. Enough*

    It turns out he had been given big projects like “organize a llama grooming workshop” with no input from others, and no clear due date, milestones, budget, or agenda — no wonder he was floundering …
    You don’t have to have any other issues to not due well under these conditions.

    1. Pastor Petty Labelle*

      Yeah, anyone would be stuck. This is squarely on management.

      But DAMN OP. You are amazing.

    2. Dahlia*

      True, but his neurodivergence does complicate it in a way that neurotypical people may not. “Ability to ask for help when faced with a task you don’t understand how to do” is often part of the criteria when diagnosing autism.

  10. This is my Day Job*

    THIS is exactly what neurodiversity inclusion should look like! I’m sad (but not surprised) that Cedric didn’t feel safe disclosing to your managers, but OP you absolutely smashed it! I’m so glad you’re working well together, and I hope Cedric feels safe enough to share what’s worked for him and why, so management can see the benefits of the right support!

  12. beepboop*

    Love this. Bummer that making these accommodations has fallen to you (it should be the responsibility of your employer and we should live in a world where employees can share their disabilities without fear of repercussions, but alas) BUT I’m very glad Cedric has you and that you’ve found a solution that serves you both!

  13. Cher*

    Thank you so much for doing this! We can be incredible as long as we operate within our healthy boundaries. That is so kind of you and it’s great that it seems to be working well with how you operate too.

    1. OP*

      Thank you! It is definitely a more hands-on approach than I expected to have when I took the job, but the benefits far outweigh the initial demands on my time.

      1. Lady Lessa*

        OP, a lot of us would like to have more hands on management. Not like having shifting goals, and hearing two opposite things from different folks. Like make it cheaper, we can’t sell something that expensive AND make it better (but it will be more expensive)

  15. UpstateDownstate*

    What a great post – congrats and I wish more people were like you at work! I also really liked the ‘be friendly but not friends.’

    1. OP*

      Thank you! Alison’s advice was spot on as always. For Cedric and I, that means we have frequent chats about DnD, the books I’m reading, or our weekend plans, but we don’t socialise outside of work or share highly personal information (other than what he disclosed to me).

  16. Nonprofit writer*

    As the proud auntie of an awesome autistic kid, I’m so happy to read this & I hope he has coworkers like you when he grows up!

  17. FMNDL*

    Are you hiring?!?

    Seriously, though, nice job, OP! Thanks for being a safe person and good colleague to Craig.

    1. OP*

      I wish! The threat of redundancy is hovering over all of us at the moment, and it’s likely that Cedric’s fixed term contract won’t be renewed at the end of summer as a result. But he told me the other day that he knows what accommodations to ask for in his next job because of how we work together, and that made my day.

      1. Serenity*

        OP, that is a gift of gold.

        I have an autistic young adult, diagnosed in late high school, and the big thing we’re working on is learning what to ask for, what works, and how to build a life that they can continue to level up over time. I can’t even put words on how much good you are doing in the world by managing the way you are with this staff. Thank you for sharing this story.

      2. Observer*

        But he told me the other day that he knows what accommodations to ask for in his next job because of how we work together, and that made my day.

        That is *awesome*. It’s like the old saying about teaching someone to fish, rather than just handing fish. You’ve taught him how to fish, and that’s something that’s going to help him for the rest of his life.

        But also, I think you’ve taught him what good management looks like, even though you were not technically his manager when you came in.

      3. becca*

        I came to the comment section to suggest something like this, even while i was suspecting that you and Cedric were already on top of it, and I’m so happy to see that’s the case!! I’m glad that Cedric now has a template of what “good work environment” looks like for him, and has actionable things that he can carry forward to new positions, so it’s not all just floundering and feeling like when something “works,” it’s magic and can’t be replicated.

  18. KCD*

    This makes me so happy. Well done OP! It is such a great example of building working relationships by looking at how people/teams can best work together instead of how things have been traditionally done. Made my day!

  20. Pipe Organ Guy*

    Well done, OP!

    Cedric trusted you with important personal information, and you put things together to help him excel! Awesome!

  23. Peanut Hamper*

    “Wobbles”

    Cedric, my friend, I am stealing this. Because this is the perfect word to describe my own issues. Thank you.

    1. OP*

      We all wobble occasionally. Cedric has no idea I’ve written in to AAM (and I don’t intend to tell him) but I think he would be happy to know you’re adopting his phrase. Go well!

  31. Turquoisecow*

    This is the most wonderful thing I think I’ve read on this site, amazing work OP. What a great way to support your coworker and do good things for yourself and the business. No wonder they see you as management material, this is exactly the sort of thing a good manager SHOULD do.

    1. Jane*

      I LOVE THIS STORY! OP you sound so wonderful and competent and few things are more rewarding than helping someone else develop their competence.

      I started reading this site way back in 2011 if not earlier when I never dreamed I would ever be in a position to use most of the advice and had also vowed to never work at a nonprofit, fast forward to now where I manage people at a nonprofit. I hate managing people but I CAN do it thanks in no small part to this site.

  33. Artemesia*

    I love that you didn’t approach him as a problem with bias. I found similar success as a teacher by not assuming that students with a bad reputation were hopeless. By treating them with high expectations and with respect they often did just fine.

    It would have been so easy to treat this guy as a loser and burden. Spectacular results here.

  34. Resentful Oreos*

    This post made me feel so happy! Happy for OP, Cedric, and Alison and the commentariat for their advice.

    I am so glad you were able to help Cedric out and give him back his confidence, OP. I will say that the management sounds – shoddy, at the very least. Throwing someone “here do this project” with no guidance, no input, no due dates, no milestones – I think just about anyone would be drowning. I hope Cedric now realizes this is NOT normal or functional, so if he does have to go look for a new job, he will have a sense if something is off or not.

  36. slowlyaging*

    How possibly could thoughtfulness improve the business, one person’s business skills, and help you grow your skills. hmmmmmm…. love this

  39. mcdonalds grimace*

    I got teary-eyed reading this, OP you are a legend <3 I've had some excellent managers in my time, but none of whom I would consider a safe person so, seriously, kudos to you!
    Sounds like you've helped him out longterm too :)

  41. RCB*

    This is beyond incredible, truly one of the most heart-warming things I’ve ever read on here, you are a wonderful person for stepping up to help Cedric to succeed.

    I don’t want to add too much to your plate, but I hope you are also working on a plan for how Cedric can succeed without you. I’ve seen too many times where someone is in a certain role and it seems like everything will fall apart without them and/or someone will get hurt if they leave, and right now I feel like there may be a feeling that without you, Cedric will fail in his job, and that is A LOT of pressure on you. You may want to leave but feel you can’t, or you may have to leave but get dogged by massive stress and it impacts your health, there are so many ways this can hurt you, and also Cedric. What you are doing now is absolutely amazing, but please ensure that you are eventually getting it to the point where you are not the only one who can lead Cedric to success, because it’s very likely that you won’t be there forever.

    1. beergeekgirl*

      Actually, it’s not too much of a concern. Cedric now knows what he needs to succeed and when he has a new manager, that can be part of the discussion…no need necessarily to disclose his diagnoses, but prepare him to self-advocate. What the OP has given him is clear and concise directives. Which is what good managers should give all of their employees, regardless of where they fall on the neuro-scale.

      1. RCB*

        I think the OP knows the situation best, not sure how you have determined it’s not a concern because I read it as a big concern, and maybe we are both wrong, but conjecture doesn’t help the situation, a reminder to OP to keep this in mind does.

    2. OP*

      Thanks – that has been in the back of my mind while working with Cedric. While I enjoy working with him and seeing him flourish, I’m very aware that our careers are on separate trajectories. He is actually on a fixed term contract that may not be renewed after summer if our funding doesn’t get extended, so we have been having some conversations about what’s next for both of us.

  42. Anti-WFH*

    Our manager works from a different location and would be managing us remotely.

    This was part of the problem. Note how things improved once the letter writer was put in a managerial position over Cedric, and both she and Cedric worked in an office.

    1. Insert Clever Name Here*

      No, things didn’t change only because they were in the office. They changed because OP tried an approach no one else had tried — Cedric’s manager wasn’t giving him huge projects with no budget or milestones because they were remote.

  44. pally*

    OP- you are a hero!
    Yes, you are.

    You made a positive difference to Cedric.

    This was such a happy post for me to read!

  45. Falling Diphthong*

    Thank you for the term “one-pager” which summarizes something I’ve been realizing about my different freelance work projects, and which ones are easy to navigate.

  46. Assistant To The Regional Manager*

    I can’t tell you how much I needed to read this. Your approach was clearly something Cedric was comfortable and confident with, and you’re clearly seeing the positive outcomes – both of you are. LW, thank you for sharing this!

  47. Oui oui oui all the way home*

    This is lovely news, thank you for sharing it, and congratulations on being a kick-ass colleague and leader!

  48. Safely Retired*

    Of course I agree with all the applause for the OP, they have done an outstanding job. However, let us also celebrate that opening paragraph: “I’ve been an avid reader for years, and have always appreciated your no-nonsense advice. I hadn’t realized quite how much I had absorbed until I needed it, though.” What our host has accomplished in educating us all is priceless.

    1. Snoopy Clifton*

      I just came here to say this! I read AAM religiously and I have been able to implement (on a small scale) advice from Alison and the commentariat. I hope that when a THING happens, I can rely on what I have learned and will be able to put it into action – with good outcomes.

      And kudos to you, OP, for being compassionate and thoughtful toward a co-worker. We so often don’t know what is going on with someone and you showed us all how to deal with a challenge in a respectful way.

      Warm fuzzies all around for me today!

  49. Jonathan MacKay*

    Adapting the environment to the person is so much more effective than expecting people to adapt to the environment, isn’t it?

    My twin brother’s autistic, and while I am not, I still have benefited from learning the tricks and techniques he uses.

  50. beergeekgirl*

    As someone who works for neuroinclusion in the workplace, this is the most beautiful thing I will read all day.

  51. RaginMiner*

    Love this. Lead with kindness and thoughtfulness first- the rest will follow. I love this blog for its concise and no-nonsense advice. I recommend it to everyone I know, especially young professionals!

  52. Dek*

    That is a WONDERFUL story of a darned good manager (or manager-adjacent person) and a darned good person. Thank you for being the kind of person we need more of in the workplace and the world.

  56. brjeau*

    This is how you do it! And OP I’m so glad you’ve gotten a promotion out of this too, it’s great you’re being recognized for the care and work you put into supporting Cedric, as a peer, and setting up your team for success.

  57. JMC*

    This is good. Yes those of us that are autistic need very clear direction, details, instructions. They help so much.

  59. fine-tipped pen aficionado*

    Great job, LW! This made my day to read. This site has been a similarly positive influence on me; thank you for sharing!

  60. perspex*

    My heart just grew three sizes! OP, it is huge that Cedric confided in you, and that it was so soon after you started. I am so happy for both of you. Congratulations on your absolute excellence!

  61. Abogado Avocado*

    Wow, OP, just wow! What an amazing story of a person (you) who took time to allow a gem in the rough (Cedric) to shine. Thank you for this update and for increasing the sum total of happiness in the world!

  63. Michelle Smith*

    As a neurodivergent person, this warms my heart so much. Thank you for being a safe person for him.

  64. Mimmy*

    I love this so much! I’m not formally diagnosed, but I identify as neurodivergent and would benefit from similar accommodations given to Cedric. I am not sure how I’ve lasted so long in my current job–getting clear guidance and check-ins is like pulling teeth sometimes. I wish more workplaces would embrace neurodiversity.

  65. OP*

    Hi everyone – I did try and keep up with the comments but there were a lot! Thanks for all the lovely feedback, I’m so glad mine and Cedric’s experiences resonated with you. Cedric has no idea I wrote this, but I know he would be pleased that his experiences have helped other people with autism. Wishing each of you the very best for the holiday season.

  66. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

    I love this letter! Especially how even though the OP had heard some negative things about Cedric, she didn’t seem to let that colour her view of him. Like, she didn’t just assume that he sucked. I mean, if she had made assumptions about Cedric, it’s highly unlikely that he’d have felt safe enough with her to have that conversation.

  67. Former Admin Turned PM*

    These are the type of posts that I wish had reaction buttons. Love Love Love.

    As someone who advocates a lot for different working styles and the adjustments that we can make to be more inclusive, I am so happy that Cedric found a safe space and that you responded by respecting his talents instead of dismissing him. Best wishes to you both, because I can clearly see that both of you benefitted from your work together.

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