how to survive your office holiday party

by Alison Green on December 10, 2024

It’s December, which means it’s the season of office holiday parties, and all the etiquette landmines that come along with them: should you bring a date or go solo? Can you drink or should you stick to seltzer? Can you huddle by the cookie table with your work BFF or do you have to socialize with higher-ups and their spouses? And, chief on some people’s mind, do you have to go at all?

At New York Magazine today, I cover everything you need to know to get through your office holiday party, however enjoyable or unenjoyable it may be (including why you should go, how long you need to stay, who you should talk to, things to consider before bringing a date, and more). You can read it here.

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    1. Anonymoose*

      Published the day after my office holiday party, but I ended up getting sick – very likely when I attended a big work meeting late last week – and not being able to attend. I would have enjoyed socializing with people I like but I see them often so I only really missed an excuse to eat junk food.

    2. Elizabeth West*

      Ours is approaching. My company is enormous, so it’s just the local office. My boss won’t be coming since she’s in a totally different state. I’ve met a couple of people but I don’t really know anyone there yet. I RSVP’ed even though I haven’t been going in because the hotdesking arrangement is breaking my brain.

      Gah, I miss my old, standardized-thus-maximizing-ND-effectiveness job. I miss having my own space. I miss my coworkers, and wine night, and playing cornhole on the deck. :”'(

  2. Richard Hershberger*

    Rule 4 pretty much covers how I do these things: show up, circulate a bit, make a bit of chit chat with my boss, discreetly leave. My main addition is to get a bit of chat with my boss’s boss as well. My old job, for fifteen years, was to small for an office party. We went out to lunch, the boss paying. My new job does have something grander, though I am unclear on the details. I will brush up my brief idle chit chat skills.

    1. Sara without an H*

      +1. Office parties are essentially networking opportunities. There’s no reason you have to hang around until the caterers come in to clean up the buffet and the security guard starts giving you pointed looks.

      My rule was one drink/two hors d’oeuvres. Greet my own staff, my boss, senior leadership, a few pals in other departments. Then slip quietly out and go somewhere else to do something more interesting.

      Somewhere else was usually home, with my comfy chair, a nice book, and a small bourbon. But nobody at work needed to know that.

  3. FMNDL*

    “Forced fun” featuring a sit-down dinner and mystery “performance” plus karaoke to cap off a 12-hour day full of board meetings and all-hands meetings? Basically torture.

    1. hohumdrum*

      lol whenever I read these comments from my low-pay nonprofit job where there are no bonuses and the “party” is just like pizza after work I’m not gonna lie, I do think “must be nice”.

      anywho, if only there was a service where folks who are inured to the charms of free food and entertainment could call up folks in my position and we could swap!

    2. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

      At least it is “forced fun”. My spouse’s company party they end up doing a quarterly report. Like the worst, most boring meeting you have to attend every quarter where they tell you that the company is doing great but they have to slash your budget so there will not be raises. Except now they expect the spouses and kids to sit through it too. There is very little for the kids to do, the food is bad, and they don’t allow alcohol. And if you are management and your family boycotts because it is so awful, they get grouchy about it .

        1. Wolf*

          Also, isn’t that making the entire report and any questions from the audience a public announcement? That feels wrong.

  4. Bitte Meddler*

    We just had our company holiday party last week. It was a lavish affair for employees-only, after work hours in a trendy restaurant.

    It was, like all of our parties, open bar. The only change in behavior in any employee that could be attributed to alcohol was a smidge more willingness to talk to people they didn’t know.

    Meaning: Everyone behaved appropriately and struck the right balance between in-office professionalism and out-office social friendliness.

    May everyone’s company holiday parties be as enjoyable as mine was!

  5. Bringerofbrownies*

    I’ve learned that rule 1 is more important than people think – at least for serial non-joiners. You don’t have to go to everything and you don’t have to stay forever, but putting in an appearance goes a long way.

    And rule 8 and 9 cannot be understated. Our office still talks about the associate who drank too much and was found asleep at 2 AM by the cleaning crew. She didn’t come back to work the next Monday. And the other guy we still talk about is the VP who started a week before the party and was fired the day after for paying his bar tab with his new corporate credit card.

  6. Hermione Danger*

    I used to work in an industry that was known for the lavish parties companies threw. There was always lots of food and open bars and employees were encouraged to take advantage. (I strongly suspect because that way you wouldn’t notice that they were trying to work you to death without paying enough money to give them all of your waking hours.)

    As a result, this was a very work hard/play hard culture, and just as people noticed if you weren’t working hard, they ALSO noticed if you weren’t playing hard. One of the best ways around that I noticed from one colleague was that he’d go to one of the (many) bars in the space and get a drink. And then he’d just carry that drink around with him until he could leave.

    Sometimes, if the party was especially ridiculous, he’d set that drink down at some point so he could stand in line for another drink which he also didn’t consume.

    2. Rocket Raccoon*

      This is how I learned to do college parties. I wanted to go and meet people, didn’t want to get trashed and hungover. Also didn’t like beer.

      Go to the party, get a longneck, carry it around all night. Occasionally swap for a different brand.

    3. sara*

      I went to my sister’s med school graduation party when she was newly pregnant but not ready to tell anyone but family. Her husband and I took turns secretly trading drinks with her, so we’d take her full glass and she’d take our empty-ish glass and wander around with it.

      When my best friend was pregnant but not ready to tell her extended in-laws (some of whom are rowdy drinkers/pressure folks into drinking), she’d just take a can of whatever to the bathroom, dump the drink and fill with water.

    4. lissajous*

      I do something similar when I’m on site – every few days I’ll have a drink or two with the guys at the wet mess before dinner. I’ll get the second round and sweep up any empties to put in the bin on the way… and if mine’s not actually empty, who else will know?

      It massively helps with cameraderie to have that relaxed chat time with everyone. (That, and keeping some chocolate biscuits on hand – when no-one’s able to go into town, they go a long way! Hi, we need to put some valve pits in before the pipeline turns on next week, would you like a Timtam with that cuppa? Oh, you can fit them in tomorrow? Fantastic!)

      1. Reluctant Mezzo*

        Yes, I once suggested that I would bring a chocolate bar to the Big Boss’s Admin if I really needed something signed *right now* and everyone looked at me like I was a genius.

  7. MollyG*

    I disagree with Rule 1. I find skipping all social events to be a sound strategy. Ask me how much I care if my supervisors view declining work parties as a sign I am less engaged. That is their problem, not mine. This is doubly true if the even is after hours.

    Let’s also point out that these events can be quite miserable for people with social anxiety, autism, or other similar conditions. No one should ever be penalized for not going to these.

    1. Smithy*

      I think the reality is that in a number of situations people are penalized for not going. Either directly or indirectly. It’s not every job, and it’s not for every stage of your career – but I think it’s a helpful rule to know exists and then either break or follow accordingly.

      1. Bananapants*

        Agreed that attending these events shouldn’t matter and agreed it often does. I work at a small company (30ish people) and have very bad social anxiety, but I think it sticks out too much if I don’t attend social events, so I try to go to at least a few every year. The whole company has a slightly “family”/“we’re all best friends vibe” that I don’t love.

      2. Coffee Protein Drink*

        Bingo. The phrase “not a team player” shows up a lot when people opt out of work social events.

    2. LaurCha*

      Unfortunately, although no one *should be* penalized, sometimes they will be. It’s not fair but it’s important that everyone make their choices knowing what the consequences will be.

      You sound like you’re in a position where attendance is truly optional. Which, yay, good for you. In some – I dare say *many* – workplaces, an all-out refusal to socialize ever, at all, with your coworkers will work against you.

      1. Six for the truth over solace in lies*

        Even just the subliminal boost of having your grandboss go “oh, Josie, I remember her” instead of “who?” when signing off on raises and bonuses. A lot of this is intangible and unmeasurable—it’s not that the boss is looking at a rubric of how many parties you attended and for how many minutes—but that doesn’t mean it’s not real. Fair or not, it’s very real, and more or less inevitable when you have humans involved in decision making.

    3. Zona the Great*

      I actually agree. I don’t play by these rules and I decided the risks are worth it for me. Often, when I say this, others feel I’m telling them their own reasons for attending are not valid. This is not what I’m saying. I just have never subscribed to these parameters. I used to be a school teacher and that caused some flack from other teachers who gave hours and hours of their personal time to the school without pay. But I say that folks like teachers should be the most fierce about sticking to their contracted hours. If I’m labeled as not a team player, so be it.

        1. Zona the Great*

          Thanks for the feedback. Where’d you get a voluntary social gathering from? I’m talking chaperoning dances, leading events, supervising programs and recitals–those are unpaid and I was unwilling to do them. None of that impacts you at all. Like the OP of this thread, I’m simply sharing my own perspective and willingness to risk my reputation.

    4. Flicker*

      What should be and what actually is are, as is so often the case, very different.

      You are of course free to risk the consequences for yourself, but it would exceptionally reckless and unkind to suggest others should follow suit, given the potential harm to reputation and opportunity that can result. I’m sure you would not wish to be that unfair to anyone in a more precarious position than yourself, would you?

      1. Zona the Great*

        I didn’t get the sense OP was suggesting others do this but was providing their own perspective, which is valid and I agree with for my own mental health. Also, I’m Jewish and I just don’t participate in “Winter Holiday Parties”. As a Jew who has been persecuted by society, I don’t typically mention my religious/cultural affiliation as the reason for my non-participation. I just don’t go and let the cards fall where they may.

    5. Parcae*

      Everyone gets to decide where they want to spend their work capital. You can usually get a pass on one or two things if all the rest of your work is on point. Think the person who takes a generous interpretation of the dress code but no one really minds because their work on the database last month was SO good.

      So if you *can’t* manage the party (for whatever reason) or the party is the particular hill you decide to spend your limited work capital on, that’s fair. But for your average person who just thinks “ugh, I don’t want to go. I’m going to have a bad time,” it really can be worth it to embrace the suck, show up for an hour, and keep that little extra credibility with your boss in your back pocket for later. You never know when you might need it.

      1. Statler von Waldorf*

        Thanks to Parcae for saying what I was thinking, only better.

        You can skip it. However, you just might pay a price for that choice. If you know that and are willing to potentially pay that price, then you’ll get no argument from me. You just need to acknowledge that the you will be spending work capital, and it’s more expensive in some workplaces than others.

      1. Richard Hershberger*

        The very next letter published this afternoon includes the tidbit that “should” sometimes means “must.”

    7. Blue Pen*

      For the longest time, I agreed with you. And while I don’t disagree one shouldn’t be penalized for skipping a work party, in reality, it can happen. I don’t think it goes so far as a hard penalization—i.e., disciplinary—but a soft one, sure. You might be cut off from future projects, moved to the back of the line when it comes to promotions or taking on new opportunities, etc. Even if it’s not intentional, when you’re not visible, you run that risk.

      The reality of these things is they pay themselves off in dividends; your colleagues (including the higher-ups) get to see you in a completely different, more casual/positive light. For my company’s holiday party this year, we were allowed to bring a guest, which allowed everyone a way to get to know each other even better, reminding one another of our humanity. This was especially nice for me because a) I love my spouse and it was a blast for them to attend, and b) guests were more nervous than I was because they didn’t know anyone but the person who brought them, and so it took a lot of pressure off me.

      I’m an extreme introvert, so believe me I get it, but these things really do make a difference. You don’t have to attend everything, but the big ones like a company holiday party? I would advise you to go, even if just for a short amount of time to show face.

      1. Coverage Associate*

        As an introvert, do you think the “completely different, more casual” results in the positive? I grew up among perpetual scolds who were always going on about “you never get a second chance to make a first impression” and “better to keep quiet and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt,” which of course I took both too seriously and too literally. I have since learned that people generally remember the positive, or default to positive if the memory is neutral or vague, at least in the work context. But those sayings wouldn’t be cliches if they weren’t true sometimes.

        1. Blue Pen*

          I think it depends on the overall dynamic of your company and coworkers. But yes, in general, I do think it’s a net positive when there’s an opportunity to get to know your colleagues in a more casual setting. And when I say “casual,” I don’t mean everyone’s drinking to excess or removing all professional norms and customs, but rather it’s less buttoned up, more relaxed, and you can let your personality shine through in a way where it might not during the workday.

          In my case, at work, I’m pretty quiet, and it takes me a while to feel comfortable to open up—as a socially anxious introvert, I’m less likely to dive into meeting discussions and watercooler conversations. But with my spouse at the party and more friendly faces who are all in the same boat, I know I was able to show my colleagues a side of me—who can actually be social, funny, and charming!—they really don’t get to see much in the day-to-day, especially in a hybrid working environment where we don’t has as much interaction with each other.

    8. Strive to Excel*

      Social lubricant is important.

      The IT guy is going to be more likely to respond to your ticket quickly if they remember that you’re a human being who’s having a challenge rather than a faceless message. They will remember you’re a human being much more quickly if they remember you as Bob, the guy who chatted with them about the cheddar on the cheese plate. That’s not to say that it’s impossible to have good work without that, but having that sort of knowledge of another human makes it way easier to work with them smoothly.

      Yes, going to shindigs as an introvert/socially anxious person/person with some flavor of neurospicy is challenging. But as someone in that category, I would like to note that 30 minutes of mild social discomfort can have the side effect of tremendously cutting down on future anxiety and level of work you have to do in building those same relationships through work. If you’re not going add that social lubricant, the tradeoff is becoming an employee good enough to deal with social awkward – and a lot of supervisors and coworkers will still prefer going to Alice who has solid work and good people skills rather than Bob who has top-notch work and no people skills.

      1. Azure Jane Lunatic*

        And sometimes it can result in “Oh, have you met Alice? She’s been working on the new nonstick glazes but isn’t sure where they would be best employed. Alice, this is Charlotte, she’s been struggling with spout staining when using the matte glazes that the customers claim to prefer.”

    9. MailOrderAnnie*

      There are some companies that really do insist that everyone come and it is a mark against a person who does not attend. Law firms are – generally – like this. Every one that I have worked for it was known that you had to put in an appearance or face the consequences.

    10. Alan*

      Yeah, a few years ago my grandboss told me that I needed to set an example for the younger folks by attending the party. He then said “You’re still not going, are you?” I said “No” and he just shook his head and walked away. I would literally, very seriously, rather be in my dentist’s chair getting some work done than attend one more of those things. Unfortunately, it’s not just me. There is very little employee participation, which demoralizes the party-planning administrative staff, and I feel bad for them, I really do, but they’re not free for employees, they’re often after hours, and they’re really painful for those of us who just aren’t party people.

      1. March*

        Ooooh, your company is doing it really wrong. And doing the party planners dirty, by making the task they’re assigned so thankless by force. Ask A Manager has several posts in the archive on How To Plan An Office Party Right – your grandboss should read those and get their act together, if he ACTUALLY wants a good example set. That is his job, not yours, and not the party committee’s.

    11. allathian*

      I’m so glad I work in an environment where networking and socializing are expected, but it’s perfectly fine to do that at the office on our in office days. I unashamedly take 60-90 minutes for lunch if I can find someone to go with (on my own time) and two 30-minute coffee breaks. They’re supposed to be 15 minutes, but after the pandemic they seem to have stretched and managers seem to be fine with that. I’m usually at the office by 7.30 and leave at 3.30 or 4 pm, so when I’m really stressed at work, I’ll skip the socializing and going to the office unless I absolutely need to go there. Granted, when I WFH I rarely take more than 45 minutes for lunch, although I’ll occasionally take an hour if the weather’s particularly nice and I feel like taking a longer walk, and I’ll pretty much always drink my coffee at my desk while working (or reading AAM).

      My commute is 45 minutes door to door on a good day, and counting the longer breaks at the office, the actual number of hours I spend working are longer at home.

      I haven’t attended an official after work event since 2019 and it hasn’t hurt my professional reputation. My employer has about 1,800 employees in about 35 offices nationwide. I work at the head office, which also has the largest number of employees, about 400. Out of those, only about 100 attend our annual Christmas party (yes, it’s called that).

      That said, I realize that I’m very fortunate and many people will be penalized for not attending “voluntary” after work events. That said, depending on the stage of your career and how eager (or not) you’re to advance, it’s okay to decide that that’s a price you’re willing to pay.

  8. CubeFarmer*

    Go for a little while, say hi to your colleagues, circulate a little bit, leave.

    It’s been a while since I’ve worked anywhere to have a large holiday party. Usually we do a staff lunch in January.

  9. DannyG*

    Gin & tonic is my go to in that case, easy to order just plain tonic water after one. Plus I tip the bartender well with the first drink, so they will gladly tart up the tonic water to look like a real drink (lime, olive, etc.)

    1. Strive to Excel*

      A lot of bars also have ginger beer on hand (for Moscow Mules). Despite the name it is nonalcoholic and if you like a bit more spice is quite tasty to drink straight or with a dash of bitters.

    2. Steve for Work Purposes*

      I take the same approach, and tonic water is nice on its own as well. Otherwise lemon lime and bitters is a good alternative, it’s tasty and works well as a drink to have on hand.

    3. Reluctant Mezzo*

      Cranberry juice in a wine glass looks a like the house cab. (and vice versa, when packing for a cruise where they tell you that you can’t bring your own alcohol).

  10. CherryBlossom*

    I remember the last holiday party I attended. It was a fun, extravagant party in a big fancy hotel in a major city, with people flying in from our international offices on the company’s dime.

    It was December 2019. A few weeks later, I was in the hospital with an awful “flu” and ended up getting let go because my boss’s boss wanted to give his daughter my job as a surprise gift.

    Now I attend absolutely nothing. I nearly died and lost my job right after; life is too short to care about the “political consequences” when you can lose your job at any time no matter what you do. (It also helps that I have no ambitions or desire for career growth or anything beyond getting my paycheck on time.)

    1. Cloudy with a chance of chocolate*

      Well yeah, if you don’t care about your reputation then you’ve got nothing to lose. Hopefully most people are not in such a sad situation, though.

      For many, adding yet more risk to that calculus would be a reckless, foolish, pointless thing to do.

      1. CherryBlossom*

        Yes, I’m so sad having a low-stress career that lets me focus on my loved ones, my hobbies, and the time to build a worthwhile, fulfilling life outside of my 9-5. *sarcasm*

        My actual point is, I was on my deathbed and faced my mortality, and realized what was really important to me. I’m not saying no one else should, I’m just saying I don’t want to. If going to the office party is really that important to you, go ahead and spend your time there!

        1. Dasein9 (he/him)*

          I’m with you! I had a career. Loved it. It was bleeding me dry, but I loved it anyway. Losing it due to a politician refusing to sign a budget for an irresponsibly long time was more traumatic than my divorce.

          Now I’m not taking that bait again. I have a job-job and am not bled dry and can afford books and art supplies and spending time with people I actually like.

  12. NetClari*

    I think these tips are spot on — for small to mid sized companies. At the startup where I worked I would never have dreamed of skipping, and I had as much fun with or without my partner there. But at some of the biggest companies Ive worked for, the holiday party was a perk not an obligation (a huge register-in-advance affair) and you might not run into anyone you knew if you didn’t arrive with them. No one would have minded if you didn’t go!

  13. Philosophia*

    “If you can’t find anything to help with, assign yourself the ‘job’ of talking to someone who looks shy or bored. They’ll probably be grateful, and it will distract you from your own discomfort. (This trick works at non-work parties, too.)” And in the rest of life. Joining forces with other non-creepy outsiders is often rewarding in the short term, and sometimes in the long term as well.

    1. Reluctant Mezzo*

      Yes, finding fellow nerds and arguing what would happen if Loki joined ST: Lower Decks can be fun. I’ve been at the banana daquiri table (cf Gary Larsen toon) and it was a blast.

  14. sara*

    We had a small Friday afternoon (during work hours) pizza and board games social event last week, but then the big company official party is late January. I really like the timing of this – way more people come, our budget goes a lot farther, it’s definitely a “winter” party not a “holiday but really just Christmas” party at that point, and is always a nice evening in a dark/dreary time of the year.

    I also try and pre-plan some topics that aren’t work (which usually leads to complaining/commiserating), aren’t too personal, and aren’t just the food (although the food is a good fallback option). Crafts, trading local hiking recommendations, house plant acquisitions have all been good ones at my workplace.

    Also learned the hard way years ago to not ask what folks did for the holiday (our office closes for ~10 days at end of December) – I got asked this a lot my first year at this company and my answer was pretty much “wait in the car for my dad who was the only person allowed to visit my dying grandfather in hospice”, which I didn’t want to say, so instead I just welled up and nearly started crying. Also overheard someone basically try to not answer that she’d had to deal with her ex cancelling on his visitation with their kids… So ya holiday season is often fraught in little and big ways, so I just don’t ask unless the person brings it up!

  15. Not My Holiday*

    As a nonreligious person I just can’t deal with work Christmas parties. They just aren’t secular no matter the workplace. Although possibly in the minority among nonreligious I do ZERO Christmas-y things in my personal life and I don’t want to do them at work, but it isn’t ok to be out as nonreligious in this region. I have taken to strategic hiding and use of sick days. I appreciate it when Alison shares her perspective as a Jewish person about other Christian cultural work issues, so I would also like to hear what people of other non-Christian faiths, or even Christians who approach the holiday differently, think/do about work “holiday (totally Christmas) parties.” No disrespect to Christians, it is their holiday to celebrate, just not mine, so I don’t. P.S. if “holiday party” shifted to focus on the New Year and it was an employee lunch in January I wouldn’t complain.

    1. Elizabeth West*

      Exjob’s party was in January. It was “Winter Party” and not Christmas because we had quite a few coworkers who were not Christians.

    2. Glazed Donut*

      I consider myself non-religious, and I’m not loud about it at work or anything. People in general don’t really talk about religion much even though I live in a conservative area. Our work party is clearly called the “Christmas party.” There may be some tree decorations or someone dressed as Santa, but as long as I don’t have to sit through a Bible reading of the birth of Jesus or sing hymns, it’s not a big deal to me. There’s nothing forcing me to be religious. It’s a good time for me to visit with coworkers, eat some snacks, and talk about plenty of things not related to Jesus or the religious holiday. ymmv.

    3. Richard Hershberger*

      I am religious. I love Christmas, as in the twelve days beginning December 25, with the prep work on December 24. All this other stuff? The connection to Christmas in the religious sense is tenuous at best. I skip it as much as possible.

      1. Coverage Associate*

        Comments below aside, I am a type of catholic where the prep begins 4 weeks before, and while we did get a handout at church this year about how welcoming friends and family at parties prepares us to welcome Jesus, I think churches have to preach the penitential aspect of Advent much more clearly if lay people are going to live it professionally. Employees may have to attend work parties in December, but bosses can move the parties to January. And churches definitely can insist on celebrations beginning December 25, rather than “Christmas teas” etc in early December.

    4. Coverage Associate*

      I really wish that my Jewish professional organization had scheduled its holiday party during Chanukah or in January, instead of early December like every other organization. I went looking for additional Jewish events for December 25 and didn’t find any free ones locally, but there’s a Chanukah preparation party today. At least the usual Chanukah party is still on for the Sunday during Chanukah.

      Religion mostly aside, I wish more work celebrations were in January because December is packed personally for most people, and also usually has the non celebratory year end work stuff too.

    5. JustaTech*

      We moved our “holiday” party to January for budget reasons one year and it was so very much cheaper that we’ve kept it there ever since.
      I will also say that I spend years pushing to tone down the “Christmas” to little success, but once it was moved to January all my “New Year’s” and “Winter” themes were suddenly brilliant and isn’t this so much nicer?
      So moving the holiday party to January is the most effective method I’ve seen for making it secular, but you sell the idea with “cheaper!” (sadly).

    6. Azure Jane Lunatic*

      Weaponized special interest & good cheer.
      I’m eclectic pagan, and my dad’s side of the family (while nominally Christian) has a lot of solar pagan practices, like celebrating the longest night and the longest day with feasting and fire (in both cases) as well as gathering with friends. When possible I would try to get the Solstice off to spend the day with my household. When I’m giving gifts in the workplace it tends towards a snowflake and hot chocolate theme.
      As long as no one tries to get me to acknowledge their Jesus as the reason for the season, I’m pretty much good. (My seasonal LiveJournal icon is about axial tilt.) My dad’s career in the sciences has armed me with all sorts of delightful tidbits about astronomy, the Sun, and the Aurora Borealis, and I can out-nerd all but the most determined of Christian religious evangelists by going on at a fairly high speed with GREAT enthusiasm about anything connected to the seasonal weather, including some of my dad’s exploits in getting his workplace to celebrate the season with him. With a delighted smile and really not letting them get a word in edgewise.

    7. allathian*

      I’m culturally Lutheran but personally non-religious, and if it comes up I say I’m a secular humanist.

      That said, I work for the goverment in Finland, which has two official churches, Lutheran and Orthodox. Our IRS collects tithes on behalf of those churches (1 percent of taxable income), so HR and payroll are aware of at least membership (or non-membership) in these two churches. Government offices close for major Christian holidays and some minor ones: Under the Church Act, the church holidays of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Finland are Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Day, Epiphany, Good Friday, Easter Day, Easter Monday, Ascension Day, Whit Sunday, Midsummer Day and All Saints’ Day. In addition to these, May Day and Independence Day are national holidays and paid public holidays in Finland. In many collective agreements, Midsummer Eve and Christmas Eve are also defined as paid public holidays.

      I find it rather interesting that Midsummer Day is a church holiday, although before the Reformation it was a holiday for celebrating St. John the Baptist. I also find it interesting that NYD is specifically defined as a Christian holiday. Personally, I see it as a secular holiday with no explicitly Christian elements in the celebrations. For me, NYD is like May Day, and NYE is like Walpurgis Night (May Day Eve).

      I would vastly prefer to skip the explicit Christmas celebrations at work and have an annual after work social event in January instead. But some people seem to want to keep the status quo. Every office is allocated a certain amount of funds for social events every year based on the number of employees. Apparently they check in October how much there’s left in the budget and decide the Christmas event program then. The budget is use it or lose it every calendar year, so the organizing committee spends everything that’s left on the Christmas party. Having the party in January would require more planning to ensure that there’s still funds for other things later in the year. That’s their excuse, anyway. (And I’m eternally grateful to our taxpayers who don’t seem to begrudge us the same sort of perks they get in the private sector.)

  16. Chicagoborn*

    I’m sure I’m missing something. How do I view the article? I hit a paywall. Thanks for any help.

    1. Dahlia*

      That’s how Allison gets paid. You get a certain amount of free articles a month from that publication. I’d suggest paying to get around the paywall!

  17. The Wizard Rincewind*

    My workplace is so small that our holiday party is the boss taking us all out to dinner at a mid-tier restaurant he likes. I’ve never worked for a large enough company where stuff like visibility and corporate politics is a consideration, and the more I read about it, the gladder I am.

  18. hypoglycemic rage*

    this comes right as I am trying to decide if I can ask to skip my office holiday party… I already rsvp’d, but I might still ask.

    I’m a clerk in a law firm and am also now officially looking to leave this position. obviously management doesn’t know this, but there’s no way to move up in this firm or to another role. plus my job is not one that can be done from home, so I’m physically at work more than almost anyone else, and I just want to go home and watch brooklyn 99 on my couch…. I also have a lot more admin duties than I thought I’d get when I took this role (which is also why I am looking to find something else) and I don’t want to be roped into helping with setup/takedown.

    but also I think my mental health is starting to take a nose dive and I just don’t feel like socializing (and I cannot fake it).

    I know I should go, though….

    1. Bike Walk Barb*

      I wouldn’t ask to skip. I’d come down with a little something that you don’t want to share with others as an unwanted gift and call out sick the day of the event if you can. “Sick of all of it” is the unspoken diagnosis.

    2. Chauncy Gardener*

      I think you can get sick at the last minute and not want to spread it around *cough* *sniffle*

      1. hypoglycemic rage*

        (this is a genuine question)

        can I say it’s more of a GI issue than something contagious?

        my intestines have been nice to me lately :’), but I could always say I ate something I shouldn’t have on accident for lunch….

        1. Hlao-roo*

          I don’t think you need to specify. You could say “I’m feeling under the weather” and maybe add on “it’s not contagious” if you think you’ll otherwise get some questions at work the next day. Or “not feeling well” to the party planner on the night of, and respond to any questions the next day with “lunch disagreed with me.”

        2. Daughter of Ada and Grace*

          I’m very fond of claiming GI issues for anything I don’t want to give a lot of details on – “Something I ate must have disagreed with me” is a very relatable reason for not feeling well. Pairs nicely with a follow up of “I don’t want to be too far from my own bathroom right now.”
          I also like “Digestive issues – you really don’t want to know the details.” to pre-empt people you know are likely to be nosy.

  20. JMC*

    My work is doing an in person holiday thing in January, even though we are all remote. NO THANKS. I refuse to gather in a room with a bunch of people with a pandemic still going on. I’ve had covid twice now and each time I get more disabled and sick. Not doing it.

  21. Perihelion*

    That’s great for surviving a normal office party, but a murder mystery dinner is another thing entirely.

    2. Wolf*

      I never quite understood the whole “dinner with a show” deal. I’m hungry and I want to eat in peace, and then I’m ready for the entertainment! If you pause my dinner for a show, I’ll get hangry :(
      I’ve also seen a “circus dinner” where they perform above you while the food is served. I found it uncomfortable to have so much going on around me while I eat.

  22. Clearance Issues*

    i say this as someone who just went to another office’s holiday party: If the vibe is “club-like”, bring earplugs. i went expecting a quiet cocktail party like my home office, and ended up being back at a middle/high school dance party. I ended up buying loop earplugs when i got home since they’re reusable and have a case. my ears are still ringing.

    1. sara*

      Oh good call – we always have ours in some sort of cavernous warehouse event space and I’m definitely going to pack my earplugs!

      1. JustaTech*

        My husband’s last few holiday parties (before they quit doing them) were in the giant event space next to the stadium and while props for good public transit, the acoustics were overwhelming and the concrete floor just kills my feet.
        Like, they were beautifully decorated with tons of food and drinks and things to do, but it was also very clearly a cement event space.

    2. Zephy*

      My husband is a musician so I have a pair of professional-grade earplugs that live in my purse all the time. I usually deploy them when I’m at his gigs, but they’ve come in clutch for loud restaurants, travel, and the occasional day when work decides they need to spend eight business hours testing the fire alarms.

  23. Tech Industry Refugee*

    I don’t think I would work for anyone I couldn’t take a shot with!

    Man, I am glad that I am remote now…these tips remind me how performative these parties can be. Blechh.

  24. Steve for Work Purposes*

    I have to say my current job’s approach re Christmas parties is pretty nice. Work puts some $ towards it and then we all chip in some $, and we book a space at a local pub but it’s very chill and casual. The big highlights are the trivia contest (a team effort, and you’re encouraged to team up with people you don’t usually work with) and the Secret Santa, both of which are opt-in but pretty fun. My team won the trivia contest and got chocolates and small gift cards, but we also have a morning tea and trivia break so it’s part of the office culture in general.

    The Secret Santa is always really creative, too. This year I didn’t know the person I drew very well but I asked a colleague who did and turns out we’re both outdoorsy types and an outdoor equipment store I liked had a sale on so I got him a nice insulated water bottle (I have one and love it). Turns out his wife has one and he’d been debating getting himself one, so it was very well appreciated. Meanwhile I got a nice ball of sock yarn from my person, because I’m one of the office crafty types, and I look forward to knitting some socks with it (it’s a Crazy Zauberball, which is a brand I have eyed but haven’t knit with before). I think it showed that this year was a success when the party was scheduled 12-5 but people were there quite a bit later – I left at 7 but I think some people stayed even longer.

    I’ve been lucky so far to wind up places that did pretty good Christmas parties. The only drama there’s ever been is one year at my previous job we did an outdoor bbq and there were some very persistent juvenile magpies trying to steal food off the tables, but they gave up eventually.

  25. Rob Moss Mob Boss*

    All these ‘holiday’ parties. I just was at mine today. All Christmas, All the time. Yes our kind admin bought a menorah, a toy one, but they are Christmas parties which I don’t celebrate and can’t afford secret santa gifts to. I wish there was a way. Some day. To explain that Christmas is CHRISTIAN. I am Jewish so i pretend it’s all so fun (i have political clout but these days i am already hated for who i am so i say nothing). And yes, it’s pretty and all, but it’s not fun to have it smacked in your face 24/7 AND then at work, AND having to thank people for taking the time to decorate for THEIR holiday in the office. I’m sorry, it’s humiliating and sickening. And my performance art is that no one knows any of this. But don’t think because people of other religions pretend it’s as fun for us as for you. We don’t. I understand if AAM doesn’t publish this one.

  26. AmoretteA*

    How I dealt with the holiday party this year was to completely and legitimately forget it. Came in on Monday and someone said something about it and I was, oh, yeah, that was this Saturday. Oh, well.

  27. N C Kiddle*

    We had our party this Monday and I was surprised to be invited since I’m only 4 hours a week. It was extremely low key, with some party food on a sideboard and Christmas music playing, a few people were drinking and I think they planned to go on to a pub afterwards, but I was chained to the bus schedule and had to leave after an hour. I didn’t really talk to anyone I didn’t already know, but I did get to see my line manager wearing a Gremlins Christmas jumper.

  28. Watry*

    There’s a charge for my work’s party, and while the official dress code is business formal, I’d be expected to wear a fancy dress (which are expensive and difficult to find at my size, and I feel awful in dresses). There’s also likely to be prayer.

    I’m happy for all the people who enjoy getting to dress up and feel fancy, but I won’t be going.

    1. allathian*

      I don’t blame you one bit. I refuse to attend work parties I have to spend extra on, as in buying stuff I have no use for otherwise.

    2. Wolf*

      Yeah; I’d nope out of that, too. I’m not buying extra outfits for that, and it’s awkward to sit through a prayer.

  29. March*

    I like my coworkers a lot. I like the informal yet hardworking vibe at our office. I like booze and snacks. I like the place we’re having the office endofyear party (both my fellow admins are on the party planning team).
    If more than one of those things weren’t true, I would probably not go to the party *next year* – I’ve been here only seven months and I want to show willing, but once established, I would probably use the time-honoured strategy of Conflicting Schedules Re: Family Obligations. Unless your entire office knows you have zero (chosen) family, this is the one that works best this time of year. Especially if the company goes against the commandment of Thou Shalt Office Party During Work Hours Only.

  30. Matt*

    We have a rather lengthy and intense holiday party. No part of it is mandatory and probably about half of the staff enjoy it. It starts at lunchtime with the official part with speeches of the CEO and then a small champagne buffet (which also is the first, but certainly not the last, alcohol of the day). In the afternoon the teams get together on their floor, with occasional visits to other teams and visits of retired employees (of course with more eating and drinking). In the evening we have disco, karaoke and other events that some teams like to organize. It’s always spectacular, though we never reached the heights of the Jennifer Aniston “Office Christmas Party” movie :) It never escalated badly, the worst thing that happened was one sexual harassment claim that was dismissed in the aftermath because no one really seemed to remember what happened (I had left before that year).

  31. Wolf*

    Our work party is very informal. It’s an afternoon and on-site, so everyone goes in the clothes they wore for work. There are snacks, and the teamleads serve the drinks. Which is fun, gets everyone to talk to them for a few minutes, and I guess it also prevents anyone getting too drunk.

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