“I will confront you by Wednesday of this week”

by Alison Green on December 11, 2024

Several years ago, a reader shared with us this epic email that was sent by their company’s boss after a holiday party gone terribly awry, and as we enter the holiday season we remember its glory.

“This happened about ten years ago, but the email I received from our boss was so epic I preserved it.

Context: The second year I worked at this company, our holiday party was held on a dinner cruise boat. Our boss footed the bill for dinner and an open bar, and a few other companies also hosted their own parties on the boat at the same time. Since I was underage at the time, I did not drink, and actually left early with my date. Everything was fine when I left. The Monday after, I rolled into the office– the first person there– and was greeted with this email from our boss [identifying details removed]:

‘Good morning to all. I hope all of you had time to recuperate and reflect about the unusual chain of events and circumstances at this year’s Christmas party. Some of you went home early and did not take in the full range of events.

Unfortunately, some of our staff got out of hand, including the spouses. Things were said, and things were done, that quite frankly were very inappropriate. Also, we had people from the adjoining group that decided to take advantage of our open bar and co-mingle with our group.

In regards to the inappropriate behavior, I am not going to go into all of the details, but let it be said that the root cause was probably due to the open bar. Some of our staff decided that the open bar meant that the drinking could be unlimited, not only in how much, but how they drank. As a result, some our staff and spouses decided that shots were OK. Shots were ordered for some who do not even drink. Shots are not OK at a company Christmas party. Other staff and spouses got multiple drinks at once for themselves and for people not even in our group. Others decided it was OK to get openly drunk and beligerent, to the point of making racial slurs. I, myself, am guilty of attacking someone from the other group after he decided to retaliate by groping my wife.

Having thought about the circumstances and the fact that we have to work together as a firm and team, some of you need to apologize for your behavior and/or for the behavior of your spouse. We specifically implemented a no fraternization policy and some of you could get fired on that alone, while other staff exercised no restraint over their spouse for their drunken condition. It is not OK for a spouse to misbehave, just because he or she is not an employee. Many careers have been destroyed, and people get fired, due to the conduct of their spouse. You are expected to exercise constraint over your spouse, or take them home. And if that cannot be done, then you should not bring your spouse.

In regards to the Firm’s policy on drinking, there will be no more open bars. Unfortunately, some of you and your spouses exercise extremely poor judgment. Because of this poor judgment, it puts the Firm at risk. Given the poor road conditions that night, some of you could have ended up dead. It is also unfortunate that a few have to ruin it for the whole group.

I would like to start the apologies by stating I am sorry for not handling the situation that I was confronted with in a different manner. I feel embarrassed, and it was not conduct befitting of the firm’s president. I also felt betrayed by some of you for patronizing the one individual from the adjoining group, who’s behavior was lewd and offensive, not to mention the outright theft by running up our bar tab.

I invite others to make some form of apology, either by email or in person for what they did or said, or what their spouse did or said. You can do this voluntarily, and you know who you are, or I will confront you by Wednesday of this week. I do not intend to ignore what happened. If I have to confront you, you could lose your job. I will be available Monday and Tuesday late afternoon, or you can email me and/or others. Let’s not let this one incidence stop us from being [#1 company in field]. We have a lot going for ourselves and let’s keep it going.’”

Read an update as well. 

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  1. Blue Spoon*

    One of my favorite things about this letter is the boss’s statement that someone “retaliated” by groping his wife, indicating that he had done something that merited retaliation but not stating what it was.

      1. HolyGuacamoleBatman*

        Given that the letter (and update) talks about people from the other group abusing the company open bar system, I always assumed the boss had been trying to get them to stop and *that* was what the retaliation through groping/hitting on (the update suggests it may have been consensual) the boss’ wife was for. And then the boss retaliated back with a punch etc etc

    2. Ali + Nino*

      Literally my first question. We are lacking context (unless he just misused the word “retaliate”)! Oh, to be a fly on the wall at that party…

      1. L.H. Puttgrass*

        Misuse of the word “retaliate” seems like solid theory given the malapropisms in the rest of that email—“patronizing the one individual,” “this one incidence,” etc.

    3. Irish Teacher.*

      My favourite is the boss’s casual mention of his punching somebody. “Your behaviour was disgraceful and I expect you to apologise and by the way, I attacked somebody.”

      1. Dry Cleaning Enthusiast*

        I mean, whomst among us hasn’t casually started a fight on an office cruise? It happens to the best of us!! (I love this letter so much)

        1. Juicebox Hero*

          The only way I’d go on a party boat with my coworkers is if I got to sucker punch a couple of them XD

  2. egg*

    Even just the title of this one makes me laugh – I really appreciate the commitment to bringing it back every year!

  3. Lucky*

    Does anyone else picture the holiday party scene from Parks & Rec, with Ron Swanson wearing his tie around his head?

    1. FakeEleanor*

      Yes! And I am also picturing the Kenneth party postmortem scene from 30 Rock, complete with flashbacks.

      1. Wayward Sun*

        That was where I went too! “And Miss Lemon: Until last night, I had never seen Grizz or Dot Com cry.”

    2. Mouse named Anon*

      Yes and somehow Tammy appears at the party. She maybe the spouse that was “grinding”. LOL

  5. Frank Doyle*

    I will read this one over again every year. Can’t wait for the one where the dude got so drunk that his coworkers/boss called him a cab, and he got in one side and then popped right back out the other to return to the party. (And they applauded when he showed up to work the next morning? Was that the same one?)

  6. Categorical*

    This is the gift that keeps on giving. And extra kudos to the op for graciously giving an update.

  7. TD*

    I worked at a company where every nighttime event had an open bar, though there wasn’t actually a lot of drunkenness (with a few exceptions that were more humorous than scandalous). For some reason, at the very end, the CEO would order shots for everyone to take together — it wasn’t mandatory, but there was definitely an implication that you would look like a team player by having one. Luckily, there was usually group transportation to and from the venues, so I don’t think too many people were driving right after drinking hard liquor.

    1. Ali + Nino*

      which brings to mind the eternal question: are shots ever appropriate at a company christmas party? according to Mr. Wednesday the answer is a definitive NO!

  8. What name did I use last time?*

    INCIDENT. INCIDENT.

    Let’s not let this one INCIDENT stop us

    Incidence is a completely different word and its misuse is my latest language peeve.

  9. Tom L*

    Has anyone who attended all of the shenanigans ever posted in the comments ? I really want an eyewitness report on the carnage lol

    1. Dry Cleaning Enthusiast*

      I like to read this letter in Lord Farquaad’s voice. “Some of you may die, but that is a risk I am willing to take”

      1. Ali + Nino*

        “Given the poor road conditions that night, some of you could have ended up dead. It is also unfortunate that a few have…”

        I was reading through this too quickly and expected it to end with the word “not.”

  11. KHB*

    My employer, in its infinite wisdom, decided to have this year’s holiday party on a lunch cruise boat. I will not be attending – in part, because I object in principle to having ANY work-related event in a setting where people are physically prevented from leaving, and in part because of…this.

    1. Coverage Associate*

      Yeah, especially if the company wants employees responsible for taking other adults away from the party (their own spouses, but still). The update suggests that the cruise part was maybe only an hour, which is a more reasonable amount of time to be trapped than an evening, but I wonder if there was a quiet place on the boat to just await return to port.

    3. North American Couch Wizard Society Member*

      the worst holiday party I have ever attended was on a dinner cruise for my husband’s job.

      For one thing, it was held in February (a cost saving measure by the managing partner)

      Then I ended up sitting next to someone who was subleasing some office space from the firm for his solo law practice, specializing in medical malpractice litigation. I was in medical residency at the time. He spent a lot of time telling me about cases he had won, most of which hinged on minor errors of practice or documentation. Unfortunately there was no open bar but my husband’s favorite coworker did take pity on me and gave me one of his drink tickets.

    4. Nightengale*

      on November 7, Honkalonk wrote in a comment, “Office christmas party: on a boat. Possibly the worst 6 words in the English language,”

      and I think that simple assessment needs to be much more widely spread.

      1. Nightengale*

        and I failed adding a direct link, but it was in Nov 7 “when office potlucks and catered parties go wrong”

      2. JustaTech*

        My senior prom was on a boat and I 100% concur with this assessment.
        Unlike the amazing woman in Sydney who jumped off the boat and swam to the Opera House, (recently re-posted here) – my prom was in early spring in New England, where you would have frozen to death long before you reached shore.
        And we didn’t even have alcohol! (Which is why it was on a boat, to be able to control our comings and goings so people didn’t sneak out to drink.)
        And all of that was *before* I got seasick.

    5. Never the Twain*

      Even more of a bad idea if it’s a large group on a boat you haven’t chartered for that sole purpose. At one of ours, the event started with drinks in the office about half a mile away, and fully a quarter of the people literally missed the boat because they wanted just another one or couldn’t find their coat and the captain wasn’t about to wait.
      Those left behind (who always for some reason made me think of the five foolish virgins in the Bible story) staged an impromptu pub crawl which by all accounts beat the boar trip hands down.

    6. Hizzoner*

      You stand your ground on that one, KHB. No company should ever host a boat party. You will come across as reasonable and level-headed in voicing your objections.

  12. Goldenrod*

    “…and as we enter the holiday season we remember its glory.”

    YES. This epic story ought to be commemorated every Christmas.

  14. Hermione Danger*

    I love this letter so, so much. I was just thinking about it yesterday and hoping it would get reposted soon.

  15. JMC*

    This is why you don’t have alcohol at a company function. EVER. I really wish alcohol wasn’t so socially acceptable, it causes nothing but heartache, disaster, accidents, and on and on. It would be nice if it just disappeared altogether.

    1. Happy*

      It also can make people more social and make boring events more tolerable.

      Not to say that it can’t contribute to bad circumstances, because it obviously can! But I think that “nothing but heartache, disaster, etc.” is fairly myopic.

    2. Silver Robin*

      alcohol is also a social lubricant that helps people chill and chat when used responsibly, is used in many religious rituals since humans have had those, and is so common that even some animals have been observed going for rotting (fermenting) fruit for its effects.

      Is it abused? yeah and horrible things happen because of that. Should we have wider non-alcoholic options? Absolutely. Should employers limit the number and type of drinks they provide in order to reduce the chance that people get rambunctious? Sure thing. Does society need to stop assuming drinking is the *only* way for adults to have fun? 100000%

      And. This is a known and manageable risk, like driving or archery. We do not need to demonize a substance plenty of people manage to engage with without fanfare.

      1. StarTrek Nutcase*

        Hard agree. We responsible adults shouldn’t be restricted simply to accommodate irresponsible (or stupid, lazy, etc) adults. Harsher penalties for irresponsible behavior is better as it focuses on the offender.

    3. londonedit*

      What? There’s no need to go all Temperance Movement on everyone just because some people can’t behave responsibly. Alcohol is fine, the vast majority of people are able to handle themselves, and there’s no harm in getting a bit pissed at Christmas. As with everything, if one or two people are causing a problem then you deal with those people. You don’t ruin everything for everyone.

  16. Nervous Nellie*

    Yay! I can finally open the Terry’s Chocolate Orange! Now it’s the holidays.

    Raise your hand if you have wanted a t-shirt with this phrase on it. In my house, this has become a catchphrase. I use it all the time.

  17. Dry Cleaning Enthusiast*

    For me, this email is the Reason for the Season. And I had missed up until now that the party was also held on a boat! What is it with boats and inappropriate behaviour?

      2. Inkognyto*

        1 hr boat ride round trip. Takes longer than that anywhere to get into international waters.

        But mostly it’s a lack of anything else to do. Contained in 1 area. you can drink or fall overboard. Maybe both.

  18. Askadate*

    Had one I’ll never forget, many years ago. The founder and owner sent an all staff email (500ish people) to ask one of the admin staff out.

      1. Askadate*

        She didn’t reply all, no. Thankfully. My recollection is that no one replied. Not game to. The cringe factor was pretty large, as one can imagine.
        But did accept. They were partners for many years after that I know of, might even still be together. He was/still is, insanely wealthy, which may have helped with the initial awkwardness.

      1. Askadate*

        Oh yes. That action did match with his personality and style.
        As I recall, part of the email was – apparently – to be transparent/open with everyone that this was happening, and get in front of gossip etc.

        Still up there as the weirdest corporate email I’ve ever seen.

    4. It's not easy being green*

      WAIT I have an email matching that description in my files too. The company that featured in AAM recently for its, um, creative hiring processes, by any chance?

      1. Askadate*

        I believe so. It was a very Pedantical place to work.
        Most of us were WFH before wfh was the modern thing it now is.
        And if that matches and makes sense, we quite probably know each other!

        1. It's not easy being green*

          Seems likely! Hope you’re doing well.

          And yes, the founder and his EA are still together as far as I know and they both seem happy, as weird as the arrangement is.

  20. The Not-An-Underpants Gnome*

    I sent this link to one of my best friends and she’s reading it aloud on voicechat with me as we speak. I’m giggling and waiting for her to see the update.

  21. irritable vowel*

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year…. Every time I read this, I notice something new. This time it was the statement about “patronizing” the employee of the other company, whose behavior was lewd and offensive. What. Was this person giving lap dances, or … more than that?

  23. In My Underdark Era*

    in the update the letter writer mentions that what Boss described as the individual “groping his wife” was described by others as the two consensually grinding, so… kind of? but I interpret “patronizing” here to mean “ordering drinks for” the guy. patronizing as in serving, not as in condescending.

    this letter really is like a cornucopia of scandal and delight.

    1. In My Underdark Era*

      aw man, this was supposed to be in reply to irritable vowel above. I am not immune to nesting fails…

  24. JustaTech*

    This is always a delightful read!

    And an excellent example of why open bars can be so problematic for work holiday parties. (How many of the amazing stories shared here involve someone having too much to drink?)

    My company stopped having open bar for the holiday party the year before I started, so I heard lots of stories (“we had to pull over twice so Coworker could puke” “I have no idea how I made it to my front door in those shoes when I was that drunk”) but never witnessed it for myself, which is honestly fine.
    I spent most of my college parties as “the sober one” babysitting drunk friends and let’s be real, the blackmail material is never worth it.

  25. Syfy Geek*

    My company Holiday Party is this Saturday. I doubt there will be any emails demanding apologies afterwards, but there are open bar(s), so one can hope!

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