most popular posts of 2024

by Alison Green on December 23, 2024

Here are the posts that interested people the most in 2024, via two lists: the most viewed posts and the most commented on posts.

Most viewed posts of 2024:

10. my company says we can’t wear underwire bras

9. my coworkers are engaged but one of them is cheating … with my boss

8. is my coworker justified in being angry that I reported him for sending out personal mail from the office?

7. our admins hate all the coffee I buy the office, but they insist I have to keep trying

6. my interview was canceled because I was “rude and pushy”

5. an employee is out to get my star performer, and no one else cares

4. my best employee is disappointed that I’m not dealing with a bad employee

3. my new employee ran a background check on me and asked me about what he found

2. men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman’s name

1. I was rejected because I told my interviewer I never make mistakes (and the update)

Most commented on posts of 2024:

(doesn’t include open threads or “ask the readers” posts, which otherwise would hold many of the top 10 places)

10. a hoarder at work is causing a mouse problem

9. coworkers message me “hi” with nothing else, younger coworker thinks I’m tech-illiterate, and more

8. a defensive executive, work-from-home is being revoked but there’s a baby, and more

7. should a successful gamer put it on their resume, “free” company gifts that aren’t free, and more

6. coworker asked to borrow money, changing into pajamas as soon as you get home, and more

5. can I say no to attending a three-night retreat, can a company hold onto your property after they fire you, and more

4. our employee was the victim of a sextortion scam — did we mishandle it?

3. expecting more from a near-retirement employee, a disruptive speakerphone, and more

2. my mom

1. I was rejected because I told my interviewer I never make mistakes (and the update)

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{ 57 comments }

{ 57 comments… read them below }

    1. VP of Monitoring Employees' LinkedIn Profiles*

      I came here to say this!

      At the very least, I hope someone in that lab contacted OSHA and/or the local Health Department and/or the local Fire Department?

    2. toolegittoresign*

      Same! I kept wondering why they didn’t just hire movers and tell her “okay, you take all of this home or to a storage unit where you can go through it at your leisure and only bring back what’s essential.” Because, sure, you can’t just throw her stuff out, but there’s no reason you can’t put it all elsewhere.

      1. bamcheeks*

        If she’s got lots of “seeds and organic matter”, there probably aren’t many storage places that would accept it or they’ll get exactly the same vermin issue.

    4. Old Bag*

      Also came here to say this.
      I am extremely rodent averse — quite possibly phobic — and this one left me wanting to shower and feeling panicked and sick to my stomach.

  2. Valancy Stirling*

    I really want an update to #4 of the most viewed posts. Ideally one where LW had Sarah’s back, or one where she found a better job.

    Best case scenario would include Celia apologizing and changing, but TBH I don’t see that happening.

    1. Old Bag*

      And this one too. I’ve been a Sarah desperately trying to nudge my manager into managing… I’ve been what a Sarah thought was a Celia… and ended up apologized to profusely for not managing the Sarah better, a bigger office, and the “Sarah” told she was not allowed to speak to me at all without a higher up present or email me without cc’ing a higher up… I’ve been the clueless LW not realizing how completely off the rails a situation had gone and just wanting everyone to get along… so I’m dying to know what happened!

  3. Keymaster of Gozer (She/Her)*

    Oh the ‘I never make mistakes’ one lives on in my thoughts so often. Because I dated a guy like that long ago and…well…it didn’t end well let’s just say that and he will never ever admit he did anything wrong.

    Spoiler alert: he did.

    Also, it ties into the ‘I’m a total perfectionist and cannot abide mistakes’ thing I’ve heard come out of interviewees before. It’s not a strength. It’s a one way ticket to a lot of therapy. Trust me.

    1. Martin Blackwood*

      Like that other letter that team lead that kicked people off the project when they make a single mistake. “I get angry when my coworkers make mistakes” or something.

    2. Elle*

      I’ve sent “I never make mistakes” to so many people. Mostly to cheer them up when they’re frustrated with a colleague/customer or down about their own mistakes. (I also re-read when I make a mistake!)

      It’s one of those letters that really helps put things in perspective.

    3. LaminarFlow*

      That letter was waaaayyy too familiar to me. I’m a female software engineer. If I had a nickel for every guy who has this perspective on life/his own greatness (and it is always men who act like this) I would be a very wealthy woman.

      About 12 years ago, I had an interview candidate who brought printed photos from my Facebook page for me to see. I excused myself from the interview room, called security, and they escorted him out. He defended his actions to the security guards. He reached out to the recruiter who scheduled him to complain about how I stopped him from creating an “amazing connection” with me. I’m positive that he didn’t stop there.

      1. Keymaster of Gozer (She/Her)*

        I once interviewed someone for a developer/3rd line role who spent the entire time staring at my chest. Like he was hypnotised by the system attributes. He also contacted us later to ask for my number. I’m in my 40s mate! I thought I was past the age of being objectified by blokes.

        (I did a bit of sleuthing later and found out why he’d left his two previous jobs. Harassment of course)

        Your tale is way more scary though. Your calm walk out of the room and calling security is badass.

  5. A Lab Rabbit*

    I really would like to hear from the never-makes-mistakes guy once he finds a job. Did he manage to find a job in his field? Did he go back to school? Did he ever realize that he was the person responsible for holding back his career? I really hope he’s doing okay.

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      I do too, even though I’ve mocked him. My mother was a perfectionist and it was really, really, really hard to learn that making mistakes is both normal and OK. Even big ones. The vast majority of people will understand and be willing to help you.

      1. A Lab Rabbit*

        That’s just the thing, isn’t it? I would much rather work with someone who makes mistakes and owns up to them than someone who claims they never make mistakes. Because they are making mistakes, but they don’t have any ownership of them, so it’s going to be impossible to fix things going forward.

        I found it interesting that he mentioned in his update:

        It’s just not normal to me for people to think making mistakes is okay.

        No, it’s not all right to make mistakes because you are being sloppy or careless, but it’s natural (and okay) to make mistakes despite being careful and diligent (because we’re human, and humans make mistakes). But the fact that he couldn’t distinguish between those two things was distressing.

        1. Keymaster of Gozer (She/Her)*

          Agreed. It took, full disclosure, a REALLY long time for me to realise how to deal with failure. I’d been that ‘gifted but weird’ kid at school who could ace exams without even studying.
          Then the working world came about and wow, that was a shock. I failed in so many ways and had literally no way of coping with that. I became the angry, arrogant, toxic coworker that people write to Alison about.
          I had to learn to own up to mistakes, to fix them, to learn from them and accept that I’m a flawed being and dear goddess was that painful.
          But it saved my career. I hope OP can learn that path without half the pain it caused me. I truly do.

          (I often say I’m not here as a paragon of what to do. I’m a warning of what not to do)

          1. Observer*

            I often say I’m not here as a paragon of what to do. I’m a warning of what not to do)

            Maybe you are both. Because *you* are the one telling the stories about your *past*. Which means that you are truly an example of what to do for all of us imperfect people who mess up, especially for the people who mess up in REALLY big ways.

            So, thank you for being so willing to talk about it.

        2. Phony Genius*

          I look at it as a paradox. Not being perfect is what makes us human. If you were perfect, you wouldn’t be human. So it’s impossible to be a perfect human since it requires having an imperfection.

          In other words, perfection is itself an imperfection.

        3. sulky-anne*

          I know it’s a cliche. but making mistakes and learning from them is kind of essential to getting better at anything. It’s not just unavoidable, it’s actually a necessary part of the process. This letter writer is a good example of that–he’s so paralyzed by fear of failure that he has lost the capacity to even recognize his mistakes and keeps doubling down on them.

  6. Velawciraptor*

    I want an update from the church that further victimized its employee who was a victim of extortion. Sincerely hoping to hear something about learning from Alison’s response and/or a realization that their cruel and judgmental behavior had no business in their operation.

    1. Rainy*

      Same! I re-read that one and also immediately wanted to know how it all shook out.

      I also realized (I like to search and see if I commented) that someone had asked me a question in the comments and I never answered it. Boof, if you are out there, I’m so sorry I didn’t respond! Catch me in an open thread sometime and I’ll tell you the story; it’s a doozy.

    2. Observer*

      Well, the LW did respond to the comments. They clearly took a lot of what Alison and the commenters said to heart.

    1. Hlao-roo*

      Above the commenting box there’s a link to report “an ad, tech, or typo issue here.” Typos will be fixed much faster if reported through the link than in the comment section.

      I already reported the 2023/2024 typo, so it doesn’t need to be reported again. Just an FYI for future typos you (or anyone else) notice.

  8. Juicebox Hero*

    Oh, heavens, “I never make mistakes” and “I never make mistakes II: Electric Boogaloo” were delightful.

    2. Jshaden*

      I can’t believe they were just this year, my brain apparently filed them in “Best/Worst of AAM! (therefore definitely from prior to the year we are currently in)”

    3. Almost Academic*

      The perfect way to summarize. I was enraptured by these posts, just for how boggling they were.

  9. AMH*

    Reading the post & then reading the first round of comments on #4 of the most commented list and I felt my blood pressure rising all over again, sheesh. I can see how that ended up so high on the list.

    1. A Lab Rabbit*

      I somehow missed that the first time around and now I really wish I could read that guy’s blog because that behavior from his employer is infuriating.

      But those kinds of attitudes are also part of the reason I don’t go to church at all.

    2. Velawciraptor*

      Seriously. They were deeply unkind in how they handled the situation. Not to mention how unaware they seemed to be as to how inappropriate their treatment of their employee was!

      1. Hlao-roo*

        The letter-writer commented a few times and it sounds like they were learning a lot and re-thinking their actions. They commented four times as “ChurchMouse24” if you’re interested in reading what they had to say about the situation.

        2. Thomas*

          The letter writer repeatedly stated they thought someone teaching online safety should be “above reproach” and never make errors in this area themselves. I would argue that on the contrary, the teacher giving the personal story about how they themselves were a victim of a sextortion scam and how it affected them will be a far more effective lesson for the young people to hear!

      2. Keymaster of Gozer (She/Her)*

        I liked how they came back, read through it ALL and genuinely had a think. That’s a well of courage I don’t think many people would have.

        Actually kind of feel bad about how harsh my comment in that thread was.

        1. AMH*

          I hope they didn’t end up stepping down as they commented they might; the took a lot of very harsh (but fair) feedback with good grace and a lot of thoughtfulness. They could do a lot of good as leadership with that kind of humility.

      3. bamcheeks*

        I was just so shocked at their idea of safeguarding, which was very much “we disapprove of extra-marital sex: we are not too fussed about protecting vulnerable people or avoiding abuses of power”.

  10. Stuart Foote*

    The admins insisting the LW endlessly buy coffee that they always reject is one of the most Kakfa-esque things I’ve seen for a while. But very believable.

    I almost feel bad for the dude that claims he never makes mistakes, but I mostly feel bad for the woman who is married to a man who a) claims to never be wrong, while b) making catastrophic mistakes constantly. I would love another update.

  11. Seashell*

    I wonder if “never make mistakes” guy’s family and friends think he never made a mistake. Was he the world’s most perfect toddler who never got food on his face or broke something breakable? He never yelled at his mom over something silly when he was 14? Never forgot to run an errand for his wife?

    I would think someone who never made a typo would have to go through their work so many times that the amount of time it would take would be a mistake in itself.

    1. Velawciraptor*

      I suspect there’s something about that in the wife’s thinking that getting a masters won’t help him. I’d bet good money that she’s heard his perspective on “mistake-gate” and knows 1) he’s wrong and 2) he’s the reason he’s not getting work.

    2. Observer*

      I wonder if “never make mistakes” guy’s family and friends think he never made a mistake.

      I doubt it.

      His wife clearly thinks he makes mistakes – but She Is Wrong! He’s not making a mistake about that, but he does not know how to explain this to her.

      Well, that’s according to him. I don’t think there is a single person who read his letters agrees with him. Which, of course, is why he can’t convince her of his ultimate rightness.

  12. Beany*

    I’m not sure I saw the update to #5 (“star performer”), but the whole situation made my blood boil all over again. I’m glad Tina managed to escape and thrive (… mostly), but that was some of the most egregiously awful management screw-ups I’ve read here.

    How was Dave NOT fired? And how did that company’s management NOT get into the end-of-year Worst Manager playoffs?

  13. Timothy*

    I’m still bowled over by the dude who insisted he never made mistakes (#1). I made a minor mistake in some programming *last week*, and I’m 66, and retired.

    But that’s not even the issue, it’s him *insisting* that he’s never made a mistake. Even if true, can you imagine how much of a disaster the employment of such a dude would be? He’d be insufferable, and this perhaps explains why he’s been unable to get a job in his field, not because “he’s been blackballed”, but because interviewers quickly figure out what a PITA co-worker he would be. Wow.

    2. just here for the paycheck*

      omg! I usually skip the AAM posts on BoRU because I’ve already read them here, so thanks for posting that comment. (seems there are quite a few redditors in the AAM commentariat, which always makes me laugh)

      anyway, what a jackass. not that we needed the additional proof. poor OOP’s mom

  15. Bananapants Circus with Dysfunctional Monkeys*

    Ugh the underwire ban made me angry all over again. I had to switch to non-underwire for Reasons and trying to find the correct support has been a nightmare as a large chested person. For extra amusement, the best replacement still has boning, just to the side, rather than under the breast!

    Also shout out to younger me who set off a metal detector in an airport, had the guy manning it tell me there was no way it was my bra, managed to remove the damn thing with my clothes still on and threw it through to much beeping, followed by myself with no alerts.

    Least I amused a bunch of fellow travellers.

  16. cncx*

    The underwire one made me mad all over again. There is no way I could work a full day without underwire. I even wore underwire during Covid lockdown. The back and neck pain would be unreal not to mention the skin irritation from the lack of separation. I would quit any job that expected me to just not wear underwire and magically find a bra in my size that works without underwire, which would probably take months and money.

    1. Rainy*

      Yeah, all my underwire bras were drying last weekend and I wore one of those underwire-less bras that purports to support/separate/etc and by the end of the day there was so much irritation in that crescent shape along the underboob. The lack of underwire to support my breasts in being cantilevered out from the band means that about an inch of underboob is touching ribcage, and combine that with the polyester part of the poly/cotton fabric plus the fact that it’s three layers of super heavy jersey…swamp city. I think people just don’t want to understand. My sport bras are wicking, but the monoboob looks weird under my work clothes, so they’re a weekend solution, not a workplace one.

  17. Adcom*

    The person who never makes mistakes: I was thinking perhaps a master’s program could help in that the right one would have advisors who could give him feedback on how to interview.

    That said, having been one of those advisors, I can tell you that they could decide not to admit him if they detect this attitude in the admissions process. One toxic student can really throw an entire cohort off track, and the admissions team knows this and screens for personality issues.

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