the boudoir photos, the date from Shopko, and other stories of holidays at work

by Alison Green on December 18, 2024

Here are 10 of my favorite stories you shared about holidays at work over the past month.

1. The empty gifts

For years we had a buffet dinner at a nice local hotel, and the room had decorations, including Christmas trees. Our Secret Santa was a version where you could choose and steal gifts but we didn’t unwrap until everyone had one at the end. People would smuggle their package in and under the trees, and we’d try to wrap them in enticing or misleading ways. It got quite raucous and was a lot of people’s favorite part of the event.

On the year in question, finally we were done and ready to unwrap, though a bit puzzled that there were still a few smaller gifts under the tree. Then some folks who had triumphantly walked away with large, impressive gifts opened them to find empty boxes marked things like TOILET BRUSH MULTIPAK. Of course it turned out the hotel’s decorations had included wrapped “gifts” under the trees and everyone just assumed they were someone else’s secret gift.

After that we asked the hotel to skip the boxes under the trees, and for years when we made the reservation and said this, their event planner would remember and start laughing.

2. The photos

My dad was a firefighter. They throw wild parties. Not officially Fire Department parties, they just happen to have a raging house party that could rival any fraternity, and invite everyone from work. The story I was told is that at one of these parties, Fireman Bob — who was in a prank war with Fireman Steve — snuck off to Steve’s bedroom and took “boudoir” photos on his bed. He yanked his tighty-whities up between his cheeks and took about a dozen Polaroid photos, leaving them fanned out on Steve’s dresser. Steve said nothing the next shift. Steve never did say anything. He didn’t have to. The next year, Steve gave everyone in the department a photo calendar, featuring Bob’s fancy pictures.

3. The secret

I was newly dating a colleague and we were at the holiday party Definitely Not holding hands. This was really kind of him since he would have been glad to shout our budding love from the rooftops, but as one of the only women at the company (and in fact the entire industry at the time), I was a lot more cautious. It was hard being cautious because he was really cute.

Spouses and kids were invited to this thing. The CEO asked someone’s nine-year-old if she was enjoying the party. She said, “Oh yes, I’ve met lots of nice people.” He asked who she’d met. Nine-year-olds have absolutely no chill, and she said, “I met your producer and your engineering director and your [my job title] and her booooooooooyfriend.”

All eyes shot to me and the cute boy standing an inch away from me. I blushed purple and he preened like a rooster.

My direct boss said, “Thank god, we can all stop pretending we didn’t know” and a chorus of “no kidding” came back in response from everyone in earshot. The CEO shouted out “I knew it!” (he didn’t). The CTO, who didn’t like women working at the company because we were “distracting” and once said out loud that there was no point in promoting women because we’d just get pregnant and quit, rolled his eyes and shook his head at me because clearly I was the only person involved.

To be fair to that misogynist ratbag, I have now been distracting that cute boy for 23 years and our youngest child is nine and blurts out secrets like it’s her job.

4. The oil painting

My coworker Donovan did a lot of art as a hobby, including oil painting and life drawing. As a joke one year, for our White Elephant party, he put in an oil painting he had done of his mother in the style of Napoleon. He put a note on the back stating something like “can be swapped for $25 Starbucks gift card”, but the person who ended up with it wanted the painting and wouldn’t give it back! That oil painting hung in the guy’s office for the rest of his time at my company. I can’t imagine taking it to a new company and having to explain that it’s an ex-coworker’s mother.

5. The photo

Early in my career I worked in government, in a department under an elected official, although my department rarely saw them because there were other departments under them that got a lot more press and public attention. My department’s relationship with that official was pretty poor, as she readily admitted that she didn’t know we existed before we got elected, and was eager to cut long-standing budget items of ours for short term gains. So relations with this person were not good, but we made our way to the annual Christmas party to try to foster some goodwill.

One year we did a white elephant gift exchange with all the departments, and while most everyone brought pretty tame mugs and gift cards, someone decided to bring in a joke gift, presumably because they were anonymous. I live in a part of the U.S. where you can get old-timey western portraits taken. The gifter had taken an old timey, lightly boudoir-ish photo of a madam and a cowboy in a saloon and photoshopped the elected official’s head on the madam and her male second in command’s head on the cowboy. I felt incredibly tense as this gift was opened and revealed, but it turns out the elected official thought this was truly HILARIOUS! She insisted on passing the photograph to everyone in the room, circulating it throughout the whole party. People kept putting it down somewhere but then she would pick it up and start showing it to people or asking them to pass it around again. To this day I have no idea if this was from someone who knew her well and knew she would like it, or if this was meant to mock her and failed spectacularly. But it certainly was the talk of the party.

6. The whiner

I have a colleague who is … well, let’s just say he’s a character. I’ll call him Dalì.

My company organized two Christmas events: one for employees only, and another for those with children (great for people like me who don’t have kids for whatever reason).

Dalì and his partner decided to attend the event because no one explicitly said it was for children (the event was called something like “Bring Your Children to Meet Santa”).

He proceeded to complain to everyone in attendance that the entertainment, such as face painting and arts and crafts, was clearly geared toward kids.

There was no alcohol, and Santa refused to let him queue with the kids to “have a chat.”

He didn’t like the food and thought that the small cups for babyccino were for mulled wine and he felt misled.

There is a glorious photo of him resentfully staring at “Santa” surrounded by children, holding a small teacup.

7. The date

At 19, I was the youngest employee in a large office. After the Christmas Party was announced, my coworkers began asking me, “Who are you bringing as a plus one?” Everyone else was married or partnered so they were VERY curious who my date would be.

Two weeks before I had gone to Shopko and had a great experience in their electronics department with one of their salespeople. Ryan was handsome, funny, and good at his job.

Now I needed a party date. I called Shopko, got transferred to the electronics department, and then requested Ryan come to the phone.

“Hi, this is (name). You sold me a portable DVD player two weeks ago and I had a question for you. Are you single?”

There was a long pause. “Uh, single? Yes.”

“Great! Will you come to my company Christmas party with me? I need a date.”

“Oh! Yeah, sure. I can do that.”

“What’s your number and I’ll text you the details? Thank you so much!!”

The night of the Christmas party, we met up outside the venue. Ryan had accidentally matched his tie to my dress so well it looked pre-planned. I asked him to pretend we had been dating a while since I didn’t want my older coworkers to know I had got him at Shopko the week before.

What I didn’t anticipate was the CEO greeting everyone as we walked in. CEO and I had few interactions but he prided himself on “knowing his employees” (even when he didn’t). Upon meeting Ryan, he said with a hearty handshake, “You must be (name’s) boyfriend! I’ve heard all about you. She’s one in a million, isn’t she?”

I froze. This was off script. What to do what to do what to do…

Ryan grabbed my hand and leaned into me saying, “Yes, I’m very lucky to be with her.”

The rest of the evening he played my boyfriend to all my coworkers. Charming, witty, everyone was so impressed with him. We lied our tails off about our marvelous fake relationship to everyone.

We walked out to the cars afterwards, I thanked him profusely, and then we never contacted each other again.

I waited until January and then told everyone at the office who asked, “How are things with Ryan?” that we broke up on New Year’s Eve.

It was the most romcom movie experience of my life and even now sixteen years later I am shocked it went as smoothly as it did to bring a stranger to my company Christmas Party.

8. The very bad party

I work for a public social service agency. A few years ago, some employees decided to have a holiday party; however, upper management decided we could not only not have a budget for something frivolous, but neither could we take non-billable time. So the committee compromised by having a … festive training event.

So we watched a presentation on elder abuse, and then sang a carol. Watched another presentation on the opiate epidemic, played a game. So on. For four hours.

We haven’t tried having a holiday party since.

9. The truth teller

One year, grandboss thought it would be nice if people brought their kids to work for the holiday party, which was immediately after work. This caused some grumbling as a lot of parents had to commute home to pick up their kids, then come back again.

It was all worth it, though, when grandboss asked the young (I’d guess 7-9 years old) son of one of our employees, “What do you think of the holiday cookies?” and junior replied, “They taste like shit!”

Several of my coworkers couldn’t contain themselves and ran off to the break room to laugh. The mother of the kid was, of course, mortified and said “[name], we don’t use that language or say things like that, it’s rude” to which junior replied, “But you told me to always tell the truth!” which elicited even more laughter.

10. The fancy dinner

I’m a doctor and I’m Jewish so I always work Christmas. I don’t celebrate and it makes no sense for my colleagues to miss time with their loved ones so I can eat Chinese food in my pajamas. Also it meant I never had to go to my (non-Jewish) mother-in-law’s for the holiday.

My first year out of residency, I worked 8-6 Christmas day. My best friend was a senior resident working nights that month. We would otherwise have had dinner with her and her husband, so we decided to bring Christmas dinner to the on-call team. She lived a block from the hospital so her husband cooked the turkey and sides that had to be hot. My husband did the salad and dessert. He loves to cook and he hates football and he was alone all day and bored so he decided to make the fanciest dessert he could think of and created a Black Forest cake from scratch – three layers including glacéed cherries and chocolate curls. The guys arrived with all the food at 5:30 and we sat down at 6 – eight residents, me, and the attending who took the night shift after I went off. She was stunned to arrive and find an entire Christmas dinner laid out complete with tablecloth, good china, and flowers.

She was even more amazed to discover that the husbands had cooked it. She clearly believed that men were physiologically incapable of making stuffing or from-scratch rolls or creamy mashed potatoes. Then the Black Forest cake came out and she just stared.

When we packed up and went home, my husband and I agree that we had probably made life much more difficult for her husband.

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{ 182 comments }

{ 182 comments… read them below }

  1. Zona the Great*

    A mention of ShopKo warms my heart so much. I remember when they were shutting down, I happened to be starting out in life. I outfitted my house with so much ShopKo treasures that I still use today.

    2. Ann O'Nemity*

      Opposite reaction! I loathe ShopKo. When my husband and I were married, we received a number of off-registry gifts (multiple crockpots, a 1-serving flatware set, etc). ShopKo was the only store – THE ONLY STORE – that would not accept returns without a receipt, not even for in store credit. Not surprised they went out of business.

      2. This Is Fine*

        ShopKo takes me back. We used to call it “home of the rain check.” There’s still a ShopKo Drive in Madison, Wisconsin, where one of the stores was. I expect it’s the only ShopKo Drive in the world.

    1. badger*

      One year at my last job, my secret Santa was a graphic designer who Photoshopped our exec’s face onto Santa and then had it printed at one of those places that will print things on canvas for you so it looked like a painting. Exec hated it because he thought it made him look old. I put it up in my office so he would have to see it every time he came in. When I left, I gave it to the COO, who immediately put it up in her office. It was the best Secret Santa gift I’ve ever gotten, but I figured it was the sort of thing that should get passed along in company lore.

      1. QueenFrstine06*

        At my old job, one of our IT guys left and as a joke for his going-away party had cookies made with his face printed on them on an edible transfer that went on top of the icing. It was a nice professional headshot on a bunch of cookies. Then, for years after, anyone who left got cookies featuring that IT guy’s face on them at their going-away party. There was always hilarity when they were unveiled, because it’d be just long enough since the last party that people would have forgotten the Dan cookies.

    2. North American Couch Wizard Society Member*

      yeah, $25 of Starbucks would not be NEARLY enough to get me to give that up unless the artist really really wanted it back.

      One of the best wedding gifts I’ve ever seen was a custom black velvet portrait of the couple in 19th century faux-military regalia (both bride and groom). They keep it over their mantel. It’s obviously the kind of thing you have to know the recipient very well to give successfully but I’ve been keeping it in my back pocket in case it ever seems right.

      1. Meaningful hats*

        One of our friends gifted us a hand-drawn piece of art for our wedding. The drawing is of my husband fighting off a wedding cake monster while our cat is lowering me down on a rope to grab a diamond ring off the top of the cake. It has outlasted all of the home decor and kitchenware purchased from our registry. I will treasure it forever.

    4. HB*

      Ditto!

      My brother is quite a talented artist and when I got married the Rehearsal dinner party was going to be at the swamp exhibit at Audubon Zoo while the wedding reception was at my mother’s house… which has a bar made by my Uncle which is a recreation of the Napoleon House bar.

      So I asked my brother to draw me an alligator in the style of Napoleon which we printed on thick posterboard for people to sign. It is my favorite thing (I also have the original drawing framed). We also had the design etched onto the beer glass shaped glasses which were given out to family/wedding party members… plus some extras which we kept.

    5. MotherofaPickle*

      One of my former coworkers is an artist and a world-class doodler. He doodled a full page drawing during training for his now current job and posted it on Facebook. I begged and bullied and offered to pay to own it. He gifted it to me! It’s sitting in my pride place in my bedroom where I can see it every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep.

      It’s a line drawing of Peppa Pig with neverending horror emerging from her mouth. All the more fitting because I am the mom of two young kids and he’s a school teacher!

          1. PNW cat lady*

            I just saw a snip of an interview where Kiera Knightly doesn’t want more kids because she can’t handle going through another Peppa Pig stage.

            1. AGeekNamedBob*

              I have a 3.5 yr old who knows who Peppa Pig is, along with Paw Patrol, but seems blissfully unaware there is a TV show for either. Luckily, the only things he asks to watch (and we allow with limits) is Miss Rachel, Rocky & Bullwinkle, and Ghostbusters (movies and shows), and occasionally Bluey. So stuff we directly showed him.
              I’m dreading the day he starts asking for the ones mentioned and other things we’d rather not watch.

      2. Elizabeth West*

        We had a doodler at the cafe where I worked in California. His name was Rob, and he drew cartoon-style stuff in a style reminiscent of R. Crumb. One time he did a hand-washing poster we had hanging up for a while. It was so cool — when we took it down I asked him if he wanted it and he said I could have it. I still have it somewhere.

    8. Ally McBeal*

      Someone in my family had one of those “saint” candles made for my grandma’s husband shortly after he passed away. The laughter was so extreme that year that it’s now a white elephant gift that gets snuck into every year’s holiday party.

        2. Jackie Daytona, Regular Human Bartender*

          They’ll run into each other again at the 20 year mark when, coincidentally, Ryan needs a similar favor as OP and his office party is on a boat (the worst!). Hijinks and romance ensue!

        3. RabbitRabbit*

          I want to hear the tale from his POV! I’m sure it’s waaaay better of an experience (in terms of tolerability and lack of cringe, not in the resulting tale) than the “I went to a company party as a date and he kept trying to do magic while I got drunk via sympathy-drink-tickets” story.

          Good wingman work, Ryan – bravo.

          1. nnn*

            That’s what I was thinking – I want to hear from Ryan’s POV why he accepted the date!

            (No shade on OP as a human being, it’s just a highly irregular circumstance in which to accept a date)

          1. Dark Macadamia*

            The one about the girl who got super drunk at her date’s office party while he did magic tricks and played angry piano was written as some kind of MCU thing, lol. I want to say it focused on Hawkeye?

            1. Legally Brunette*

              There’s an actual fanfic of Alison writing advice for people working for super villains! And it’s absolutely :: chef’s kiss::

            2. BirdNerd*

              I remember there was a Reylo fanfic about this story where the date was Hux. Would not be surprised if there were multiple fanfics in many different fandoms about this situation

      2. Sola Lingua Bona Lingua Mortua Est*

        I didn’t see that coming, either; I was expecting an “and we’ve enjoyed each other’s company since” as the ending.

    4. ArtsNerd*

      No, I think the story is much better this way.

      I would love to hear Ryan’s side of things though. What a champ!

      1. Hlao-roo*

        I’m with you! I prefer the “wildly successful one night of living out a rom-com plot, then never saw each other again” ending.

      2. Lions and Tigers*

        Such kudos to Ryan!

        (I am nowhere near attractive enough to get tapped for such things, but I think I’d make a GREAT fake-girlfriend for a company party. I’m a former theater kid, genuinely love meeting strangers, and am highly motivated by free food, particularly Christmas-themed food.)

      3. ferrina*

        Yes, I would love to hear Ryan’s experience! Is it a strange tale he still tells from time to time? Or was he thinking, ‘yep, it’s Tuesday’?

    5. LaminarFlow*

      Same!! I was wanting ShopKo to turn out like the LW who was secretly dating a co-worker & got outed at the holiday party!

    6. AP*

      Perhaps the story isn’t over. Maybe years from now, the LW and Ryan will find each other again after their respective spouses pass. Wouldn’t that be something!

      1. pagooey*

        And now that ShopKo is gone, LW and Ryan will reconnect when one of them vacations in the small mountain town the other one moved to, to save their family’s precarious tree farm/candy cane factory/ice rink!

    1. NotRealAnonForThis*

      This one though.

      Dude should’ve known better (and I say this with a few family and friends who are either firefighters or married to one…the parties and pranks can be completely EPIC.)

    1. Slippers*

      This is the only one on the list I missed reading in the original call and it is absolute perfection.

    2. Scott*

      I did not see that one in any of the comments previously and I literally laughed out loud. That is an epic story!

      1. Goldenrod*

        YES. What I also love is the patience and plotting that went into it. Dude waited an entire year for his revenge. IMPRESSIVE.

    3. LaminarFlow*

      Absolutely! Such a stealth action move to say nothing, and just quietly drum up calendars for all. Well played, Fireman Steve!!

  8. Jackie Daytona, Regular Human Bartender*

    Fireman calendar is AMAZING, LOL!

    Shopko date delighted me and warmed my heart even though OP and Ryan never saw each other again. I hope they had a nice time!

  9. CzechMate*

    Re Number 7 (ish): I have a neighbor (“Fergus”) who happens to have a long white beard. The other day, we spotted Fergus getting into a car dressed in a Santa suit. When asked about it later, he said, “Oh yeah, I thought I’d try something different this year and try my hand at being a professional Santa. I’ve been booked solid! I thought it’d be just kids events, but the other day I had to go to a company Christmas party and publicly roast the CEO.”

  10. I should really pick a name*

    Who are you bringing as a plus one?

    Do people actually ask this, and would they have a problem with the answer “no one”?

    1. Hlao-roo*

      Yes, some people do ask this. Some of the people who ask would have a problem if “no one” is an answer, and some people won’t.

      I’m not the kind of person who would ask this but my best guess about why they do is they assume that of course a young woman will have a boyfriend/date she wants to bring, or they project their own “I would feel uncomfortable attending this party without my partner/a date” feelings onto other people, or a combination of both.

    2. commensally*

      In some cases, you ask this in order to have an opportunity to assure people that the plus one doesn’t have to be a date, and we absolutely welcome bringing a friend or sibling or teenage kid to eat on the company dime if you don’t want to bring a date, we are paying for two people so use it. This can obviously backfire when people like #7 panic and make up a boyfriend, and it sounds like #7’s workplace was less likely to mean someone other than a date. But opening with that can also avoid the awkwardness of giving the impression you’ve assumed they don’t have a date.

    3. Momma Bear*

      Depends on the relationship with the coworkers. My coworker is bringing her college age son since her spouse is not interested in coming. I’m only bringing myself – plenty of us won’t have a +1 since it’s a Happy Hour and we have kids to get home to.

    4. HSE Compliance*

      I have absolutely had people ask as a way to politely confirm # of attendees, or to have a way to say “it doesn’t have to be a Partner, could be a kid or a friend”…. but I also have had people use it as a way to just be Nosy AF.

    5. Catherine*

      Oh boy, do they. As I get older I find that one of the fastest ways I can offend and alienate my peers is to be happily single.

    6. nnn*

      People do ask this, and also it’s a super weird question – especially the “Who are you bringing” (rather than just “Are you bringing”

      If the asker doesn’t know the person you’re bringing, the answer will be either meaningless (“Ryan”) or obvious (“my partner”)

      And if the asker does know the person you’re bringing, the answer is obvious.

      If you’re not bringing anyone because you don’t have anyone to bring, the conversation is painful.

      And if you’re not bringing anyone by choice, the conversation is pointless.

      I do hear questions like this all the time, and I don’t understand how they expect the conversation to go.

  11. Yvette*

    I totally misread the last sentence of #2 as “a photo calendar, featuring Bob’s fanny pictures.” And sorry OP2 I think my version is funnier.

    2. Insufficient Sausage Explainer*

      If you hear sniggering from the UK, it’s because ‘fanny’ has a different meaning there…

  14. Redacted*

    #2 Firefighter prank
    After 35 years working in healthcare and closely firefighter/medic adjacent, can confirm. They are the best/worst pranksters. They throw parties I had to peace out from. And they live in a weird world that is a meld of a frat house/paramilitary organization/ kindergarten-daycare. Good times.

    1. Kelly White*

      “meld of a frat house/paramilitary organization/ kindergarten-daycare”

      As the child of a firefighter, this is a perfect description!

    2. Anonymous Cat*

      Would you mind sharing a few stories? I don’t know any firefighters!

      Though I do notice that when I see them when they’re not fighting fires, they seem a cheerful lot. And one station nearby keeps a box of dog biscuits for the neighborhood dogs which is friendly!

      1. ferrina*

        For full production value, check out @FireDepartmentChronicles (stories from on the job) and @FireDepartmentCoffee (pure hijinks) on YouTube.

  15. Yes And*

    #3: For some reason, “Thank god, we can all stop pretending we didn’t know” was enormously satisfying.

    1. Silver Robin*

      those are always the funniest. The person concerned is tying themselves into knots to maintain some facade to hide something that is otherwise a positive or exceedingly low stakes (usually for absolutely valid reasons) but actually everyone else is 1000% aware and generally just waiting for the secret to be spilled so they can finally respond to the happy news/resolve the anxiety (misogynistic ratbags excluded).

    3. Dek*

      It gives me serious fanfic vibes. Not that the comment is a fanfic, but it’s just that perfect Hallmark-rom-com cuteness that I would be delighted to participate in in real life.

      The whole story just had a big smile on my face.

      1. AnonAnonSir!*

        Yeah I had a real 50/50 split there between ‘aw Ryan sounds like a good egg’ and ‘hang on, I thought this site was very wary of asking people out at their place of work when it’s very difficult to say no….’

        1. Sola Lingua Bona Lingua Mortua Est*

          Far from perfect, but LW7 did do a few things right.

          The proposal wasn’t impromptu during their business interaction, so Ryan couldn’t feel like his sale depended on it. It came days later, by phone (so in relative private). While not stated, it does sound like he wasn’t pressured to not say no. She only asked him once.

        2. Lions and Tigers*

          I think the difference is that it’s over the phone, AFTER the professional interaction was completely. Asking Ryan out while he’s selling her a DVD player? Bad form. Calling him up afterwards? Seems fine to me.

        3. Myrin*

          I’m so confused by this and a similar thread further below – OP didn’t ask Ryan out! She asked if he wanted to be her partner in crime for one night of scheming and pretense. That’s a totally different scenario!

            1. Dr. Rebecca*

              Nuance matters. I’ve been in situations where I would have heartily agreed with OP7’s proposition, and others where it would have skeeved me out, and it all has to do with the nuances of the situation that we are not privy to in this instance. I am more sorry than you could know that you’ve been harassed at your workplace, but that does not seem to be how everyone in the story took it, and you being upset on their behalf is coming off as tone-deaf.

              1. Dr. Rebecca*

                At a guess, 3, 6, and/or 7. As I mentioned, nuance matters. You’re taking this VERY personally for something that has…really nothing to do with your own situation.

      2. Dr. Rebecca*

        Honestly? You’re not going to make me feel bad for finding something funny that the people involved were completely okay with and also found funny. Sorry not sorry if that bothers you.

      3. Feral Humanist*

        Oh for goodness sake. He could have said no with no consequences. It’s not “workplace harassment.”

        This reaction reminds me of the Twitter war over the woman who brought her neighbors chili because they seemed like nice young kids who couldn’t cook for themselves. “BUT WHAT IF THEY COULDN’T EAT CHILI?” / “I HATE ANSWERING MY DOOR FOR STRANGERS” / “ANY UNPLANNED SOCIAL INTERACTION IS AWFUL.”

        The internet has made us all weird and we should resist.

        1. Leenie*

          Seriously, it’s a cute story where everyone has agency and there’s an innocent outcome. I am not understanding the disapproval. But it does only seem to be one.

        2. Good Enough For Government Work*

          Appropriately, my #1 rule for all my years of customer service was “There’s always one…”

  19. Juicebox Hero*

    The empty boxes reminds me of a long-ago Christmas dinner at the local VFW. Our manager had her 2 year old son with her. The place had a big Christmas tree with a bunch of festively wrapped boxes under it. Her son, being three, did the mental math that wrapped boxes = LOTS OF PRESENTS AND THEY’RE ALL HIS AND HE’S GONNA OPEN THEM RIGHT NOW!!!

    She spent most of the time dragging him away from the presents and trying to explain that they were not real and just for decoration. He spent most of the time crying and moving heaven and earth trying to get at his presents.

    At one point he got away from her and grabbed the biggest box and ripped off the paper. It was a box from napkins and didn’t have a bottom. It was also totally empty.

    He wailed inconsolably and Mommy had to take him to the bathroom until he calmed down. The rest of us thought it was all pretty funny.

    1. alle*

      I once heard that the decorative Christmas presents at malls often get stolen because people don’t realize they are empty. So it is not just two year olds. :)

    2. KateM*

      This year at our school each kid was asked to bring in an empty box wrapped like a present to decorate the school. And even so, I heard one of the younger students expressing his wish to steal one of these.

    3. Wolf*

      They could have just cut a door and windows into it – a big empty box can be the best toy for a 3 year old.

      Source: my parents have so many photos of me playing with boxes and ignoring the actual gifts as a kid.

    4. londonedit*

      I can totally imagine that! My nephew’s grown out of that stage now, but it is WILD seeing just how little self-control small children have. I mean, I knew in theory because of that marshmallow test where you tell a small child that if they can wait without eating the marshmallow that’s on a plate in front of them, they’ll get two marshmallows – I think children under the age of 4 just simply physically cannot make themselves wait, even though the reward will be bigger if they do. Their brains are just wired to go ‘marshmallow = yum = must eat now’. And it’s the same with presents – not being au fait with two-year-olds in my family when my nephew was that age, we all innocently started putting a few presents under the tree once they were wrapped, just to make things look festive. And my nephew lost his actual mind. He couldn’t deal with presents being there that couldn’t be unwrapped immediately. So as soon as they appeared, they had to disappear again. And we ended up staggering presents over Christmas Day and Boxing Day because he just wanted to open everything all at the same time. It’s only in the last couple of years that he can actually deal with having to wait a bit – and he’s not interested if he knows it’s not a present for him. But yeah…it’s a LOT! I can totally imagine trying to wrangle a two-year-old who doesn’t understand that sometimes presents aren’t really presents.

      1. AGeekNamedBob*

        I’m glad my son is the opposite. Right now at 3, he’s excited but holds off until we say it’s okay, though every day is “is it today?” But at Xmas and birthday, he’s the “I want to play with the thing I just unwrapped right now” type.

  20. Delta Delta*

    #1 – Not for nothing, but I wouldn’t be sad to get a multipack toilet brush set. They need replacing from time to time, and Christmas seems as good a time as any!

      1. Delta Delta*

        Then I’d be surprisingly disappointed. I’d be like “yay! toilet brushes!” and then I’d feel blue that there were no toilet brushes.

    2. Judge Judy and Executioner*

      One of my favorite white elephant gifts ever was a new toilet plunger. I needed to buy one anyway, and it was a nicer one than I would have bought myself.

      1. nnn*

        I did not know until right this minute that there are different kinds of toilet plungers and now I would very much like an example of a “nicer” toilet plunger

        1. Seeking Second Childhood*

          One criterion: Unpainted wooden handle vs painted vs synthetic.
          Unfortunately I know that unpainted handles can deteriorate quickly if not cleaned and dried after use.

    3. commensally*

      One of my uncles used to give all the adults at family Christmas a big black trash bag containing the rest of the package of trash bags, twelve packs of toilet paper and paper towels, and a variety of sponges, brushes, and other basic cleaning supplies. It was everyone’s favorite present. (When I tell that story people are always about evenly split between agreeing it was a great idea and would be the best present, and thinking it’s supposed to be a story about the worst possible gift to get.)

      1. Snoozing not schmoozing*

        My mother-in-law gave me an unwrapped box of things like that one Christmas, as she loudly announced to the rest of the large family that we were too poor to buy those things. No, you old cow, we could afford necessities. A nice sweater like all the other daughters-in-law got would have been the treat I’d have loved, with no bonus humiliation. Worst Christmas ever. Your uncle was cool to give it to everyone.

      2. Two-Faced Big-Haired Food Critic*

        At a baby shower I was at, the mom-to-be got a basket of all kinds of expendables: baby wipes, baby oil, talcum powder, the whole nine. “Not to use right away,” the giver said. “Hang onto it until, OMG, you have no cotton swabs and the drugstore just closed. Anything you’re likely to run out of, it’s there.” And it was much appreciated!

    4. Antilles*

      If it was actually a real gift, then definitely. If nothing else, the toilet brushes are at least going to get used, rather than Yet Another Coffee Mug that’ll going to get tossed in a cupboard and forgotten.
      Unfortunately, this was from a business decoration display, which is typically prepared by just grabbing whatever empty boxes you happen to have available (e.g., the delivery of cleaning supplies) and wrapping those up.

  21. Coverage Associate*

    I hope the doctors are doing well and have a great Chrismukah this year. (For those who don’t know, this year, the beginning of Chanukah and the beginning of Christmas coincide or nearly do, which is very unusual. So there’s a holiday mashup on the calendar. Not suggesting a celebration mash up for those who don’t want it.)

    2. I own one tenacious plant*

      I love that the conclusion was that they’d make life difficult for the other persons husband!!

      1. Shinespark*

        Colleagues who insist that husbands innately can’t cook/clean/do childcare and assume you sympathise always make me laugh. Once I showed someone pictures of the raspberry chocolate cheesecake my husband made for my birthday and you could see the steam coming out of her ears! Such disbelief! Like, I’m sorry your husband won’t ever cook for you Janice, but I think that’s a ‘him’ problem.

    3. Jay (no, the other one)*

      Thank you! That was my story. I’m working again this year and my partners were VERY CONCERNED that I would be working on Chanukah. My kid (now 24) won’t be home until 12/27 and I can eat latkes while I’m on call. Not a problem!

  22. Ann O'Nemity*

    #8 “So we watched a presentation on elder abuse, and then sang a carol.”

    I’m dying! This whole list is hilarious, but this is about where I lost it.

    2. Ms. Elaneous*

      In High School we weren’t allowed to have parties in class, so we had ‘cultural experiences’.

      Bless our Teachers.

      1. N C Kiddle*

        We were allowed parties and the last week of term in December was usually either parties or movies all day, but the one that sticks clearest in my mind was the Religious Studies teacher teaching us about Passover by arranging an in class Seder, which probably counts as a genuine cultural experience.

    3. Anon y Mouse*

      I also work in social care and we have a party like this every year! But the number of serious bits is usually down to one or (at most) two presentations and the rest is fun stuff. A couple of years ago the session was on trauma-informed practice and the bosses apologised that it was such a gloomy subject…

      At my previous workplace there were only two of us and we had no celebrations or lunches whatsoever because when one of us was on lunch the other had to staff the desk, so… this is more festive than that!

    4. Rocky*

      One place I worked tried to do this Festive Strategic Planning Day thing. One of the organisations we funded was a hospice for cancer patients, so they had a hospice rep come and speak. Unfortunately she decided to share some truly depressing stories (obviously hoping to highlight that more funding was needed). Several staff left the event in tears. Then we had lunch and a visit from Santa…so yeah. A bit of a problem finding a consistent tone for that event.

    5. Gumby*

      Agreed! The topics of the presentations are what took this from a stupid idea to an actively, but hilariously, terrible one.

      Surely there was some less emotionally fraught training that they could have done instead. Cybersecurity maybe?

  23. Goldenrod*

    “There is a glorious photo of him resentfully staring at “Santa” surrounded by children, holding a small teacup.”

    This is everything.

    1. Coverage Associate*

      I actually love my mulled wine mugs for hot chocolate and other sugary beverages where I want to control my portion size.

  24. Jack Straw from Wichita*

    We have always gotten a holiday gift from corporate in the 6 holiday seasons I’ve worked at my company. They range from a $100 Bose speaker to a truly luxurious queen sized throw blanket to a choose-your-own-gift catalog link and are always accompanied by candy from a local maker.

    We are not getting a gift this year, which is widely known among leadership. Today, IT sent out one of those text phishing email about… our holiday gift. It was NOT well received.

      1. MrDoubt*

        honestly this is pretty brilliant, at least from IT’s perspective, in training people to not let emotions cloud your judgement. I’ve done similar phishing training involving people being entered into a Christmas raffle for bonus PTO, gift cards etc. and it never fails to get a lot more people than you would expect.

        1. Thomas*

          Do it when the company actually IS doing a raffle, gift, pay rise, whatever. Don’t send people an email promising such then say “ha ha only joking we got you”, which is what the phishing test boils down to, because that’s just being an a-hole. Yes the criminals are a-holes but we as IT and cybersec professionals don’t need to be.

    3. Liz the Snackbrarian*

      Reminds me of one year at my former employer when our gift from the union was Oreos. Like one little snack sized thing of them each. This caused a huge argument over email. I felt very meh about it as the gifts were never usually huge (maybe like a $12 gift card to the grocery store), but after a while all the back and forth got to be a bit much.

    4. Leenie*

      My IT and HR departments got into a tussle over something like that. IT sent out a phishing test right after the open enrollment period for benefits closed. The email indicated that the recipient’s enrollment didn’t go through, and their health insurance coverage was about to lapse. I have no idea how many people actually clicked on the link but apparently, HR got inundated with panicked phone calls. I had a moment of panic myself before I realized that wasn’t a likely outcome, then saw the EXTERNAL SENDER notification, and understood what was happening. But I was left with a feeling of dread about how this was going to go. And sure enough, before too long there was an email from HR, letting people know about the test and confirming that their benefits were intact. And then, later in the day came the only time I’ve ever seen a company-wide apology email go out from IT.

  26. Blarg*

    The firefighter story reminded me of this. An old healthcare colleague was the rare person who really did put herself through school stripping. She was really open about it, and it made some of our clients feel more at ease. Her husband was a firefighter. They retired at the same time and had a joint retirement party at a bar. We got them a cake, celebrating the part of their careers that they shared: a pole. This was from a specialty cake shop that does very elaborate, detailed, and lewd cakes. He was wearing nothing but his helmet, she was wearing nothing at all. Cake was a big hit. Not appropriate in most work settings, but for the work we did — it was just fun.

  27. Heffalump*

    #9: When I was 7 to 9, I would have known that you don’t swear in front of adults, but I might very well have given my honest opinion of the cookies. And if I’d been called out on it, I would have said, “Well, you asked!”

  29. Elsewise*

    #8- I missed when this one was shared but it’s delightful to me! A presentation on elder abuse followed by a carol? Did anyone in the original conversation ask if it was Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, or am I the only one with that bad taste?

    3. Better Go Anon for This One*

      How about, after the opiate epidemic film, Drunk Christmas? And I don’t even want to think about what video could precede Baby It’s Cold Outside.

    4. Human service worker*

      I work at an agency that sounds very similar. We can have a get together if we have an agenda and training. But we only have to have one, not one for every song. And the suggestions in this thread you started would align with staff humor!

    5. Lizard Lady*

      I wondered about “White Christmas” after the opiate abuse one. Maybe not strictly accurate, but thematic. Hello, fellow dark humor appreciator!

  30. Tess McGill*

    I love reading these. People have such wonderfully weird experiences and our lives are richer from hearing these stories.

  31. Spicy Tuna*

    I was someone’s “Shopko” date and sadly, I am no Ryan! In my case, it wasn’t a total stranger but a guy I knew from the gym. He needed a date for a work event and I was happy to go with him. The event was a dinner at a fancy steakhouse with work team, which was small, and their spouses. At one point, his boss asked how we met, and while I could have honestly said with no shame that we met at the gym, I instead said, “He just picked me up on Biscayne Blvd”. Thankfully, everyone had a good sense of humor, but WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

  32. LilPinkSock*

    As a person who ordered her husband online, I was really hoping that LW #7 ended up marrying their Shopko find!

  33. Addison DeWitt*

    Speaking of kids blurting out secrets…

    My wife was about to change jobs and she had just had son #2, so everyone at her soon to be ex-job wanted to see him at their Christmas party, which was a family affair. But Son #1 was a tattletale, which could have been very expensive because she needed to stay until February to collect a substantial bonus. So I found a kid’s play for us to go see (A Year With Frog & Toad, highly recommended) and took Son #1 to that while she showed off the baby and claimed older son was home sick. Years later I told him about this chicanery and being by then a sarcastic teen, he’s gone around ever since saying that his whole childhood was a lie.

    1. foofoo*

      “he’s gone around ever since saying that his whole childhood was a lie”

      Legit just laughed out loud at that.

  35. Selina Luna*

    [i]I can’t imagine taking it to a new company and having to explain that it’s an ex-coworker’s mother.[/i]

    Easy. You don’t explain that it’s an ex-coworker’s mother. You just say that you really like the piece as art. You can even explain that a coworker brought it to a white elephant thing, and not explain “that coworker’s mother.” And if you do choose to explain it as an ex-coworker’s mother, you can easily do so in a way where it’s a funny bit of trivia, and it’s mostly just a piece of art that you like.

  37. Free Meerkats*

    I thought I had told this one in a previous holidays at work stories, but looked and it was on a Free For All (and it was over 10 years ago…) So here it is for the holidays.

    This one is from late 70s when Dad worked for Western Airlines in Phoenix. One of the other agents (we’ll call him Dave) who had to work with Dad one Thanksgiving also had a houseful of relatives visiting, so he made a deal with a supervisor of the commercial kitchen that provided food for Western at the time to roast a couple of large by huge turkeys for him, prepare all the fixings, and deliver it to him so his wife wouldn’t have to do everything by herself. So, about an hour before shift change, the catering truck pulls up to the ramp shack and the guys on it bring in this pile of food and say, “Dave said to bring this here.” If you know ramp agents, you’re already laughing.

    They ate everything. There was so much food they called rampers from other airlines to share in the bounty. When Dave drove to the shack to get his food, you can just imagine his surprise when someone said, “Thanks man, that was great!” as he was seeing the picked-over carcasses. Even better, you can imagine his wife’s surprise when he shows up at home with fast food burgers and fries. But the ramp guys loved him and would do almost anything for him after that.

  38. William Murdoch's Homburg*

    “…since I didn’t want my older coworkers to know I had got him at Shopko the week before”.

    This is the best.

  40. Nilsson Schmilsson*

    I think this is my very favorite AAM column of all time.

    And I’d like to party with those fireman….

  41. KC*

    In #5, I’d be willing to bet that the official didn’t actually think the photo was funny but decided to own it anyway. At least, that’s what I would do! The photo is obviously both inappropriately sexual and sexist, but any woman leader has to deal with that kind of stuff at some point in her career. Better to laugh it off and not let anyone get the better of you!

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