update: can I do anything about my aggressive-driver coworker?

by Alison Green on December 3, 2024

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer asking if she could do anything about an aggressive-driver coworker (#2 at the link)? Here’s the update.

I truly didn’t imagine there would be an update, because “let this one go” seemed like the right call. But in early October, I ended up filing a police report about this driver after he tailgated me up two floors of our parking garage repeatedly screaming “fuck you” because [checks notes] my gate opened before his and I tried to follow the right of way by going first. I also filed a complaint with HR, because screaming obscenities at people is pretty clearly against our code of conduct. (If you ever find yourself in this situation, apparently the most relevant legal detail turned out to be that I tried to pull over and let him pass, but he continued to tailgate me and scream.) But best of all, I found a different route to work that only takes me a minute or two longer and ensures we don’t cross paths!

I was really hesitant to report, but the campus police handled it well, and I was asked what I wanted out of reporting in a way that gave me agency over the process. (I know reading “what do you want out of this” feels kind of aggro, but the tone was, “because we want to help make that happen.”) I told them I just wanted someone to impress upon this guy that traffic laws apply to him and he isn’t invisible or invincible. An officer spoke to him at work about what was officially a “road rage incident,” and there are now regular speed checks at the point where his behavior was most egregious.

A quick note for other people in this situation: I wish I had reported him much sooner! With the caveat that campus police are probably able to have different priorities than city police, the officer I worked with really impressed on me that I don’t have to wait until someone is actively screaming at me to call — repeated reckless driving along the same route is something they are very willing to post officers about!

Also, I know this is already long, but I want to call out my manager for really having my back here. I was planning to just lodge an HR complaint, and he gently reiterated that this behavior deserved a more serious response than opening a ticket. I hesitated, and he immediately offered me his office if I needed a private place to make the call. That was exactly the right move, not least because I hadn’t even consciously realized part of my hesitation about calling was that, from my desk, all of my coworkers would hear all of my business, and I was still feeling pretty shaken up. Just a small but concrete thing he did that really made a difference for me, and something I hope other managers with private offices will keep in their back pockets when they have direct reports in cubes.

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{ 121 comments }

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  1. MsM*

    I’m glad campus police took the situation seriously, but I would really not feel safe continuing to have that guy as a coworker.

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    1. In My Underdark Era*

      yeah, there are just too many incidents of road rage turning seriously violent or being a precursor to more general unchecked anger. plenty of people are terrible drivers and otherwise lovely but there’s just no way I wouldn’t be super wary of a guy who acts like that even when he’s not behind the wheel.

      I really hope HR is able to act on the ticket the letter writer opened. (I wonder if their company owns the parking garage in question?) even if it’s just, like, warning him that all his coworkers can see what a jerk he’s being.

      the petty part of me wants them to assign him a very distant parking spot so he spends as little time in his car as possible while he’s on the property, haha. if he’s able to walk a long distance, it might give him time to cool off.

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      1. StarTrek Nutcase*

        I dealt with a road raging coworker’s husband. He picked her up each day in front of our building on a state residential facility campus (disabled adults). Anyway, it was a straight 6 miles from campus to my street and they continued past my street. He sped, tailgated, past on the shoulder, ran reds, scream/ honked/ raged each day. I called 911 three times and eventually saw him stopped & ticketed. But he continued and then I saw him almost hit a resident in the 1/2 mile from our building to off campus exit. So I reported him to our HR. By the next week, he was restricted from campus & his wife drove herself. (Luckily enough people gossiped about his raging that I don’t think he or his wife knew it was me cause road ragers are crazy especially here in Florida.)

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  2. HugeTractsofLand*

    I’m so sorry the situation escalated to the point of screaming, but I’m SO glad that you were able to have him reprimanded! We all make mistakes on the road sometimes, but this was really a “where there’s smoke there’s fire” situation what with all the repeated incidents. It’s good to know that you could have reported him even if you didn’t work at the same place. I hope your future commutes are boring and safe!

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  3. Whale I Never*

    I’m really glad to hear this update! Aggressive driving and traffic violence is something that we tend to downplay in a car-centric culture, but it’s a serious issue and this driver sounds particularly bad. I’m sorry you had to deal with so many encounters with this guy, LW, but it sounds like you were really supported by your workplace and that’s always good news!

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    1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

      Seriously. There is a widespread mentality like “boys will be boys” that applies to drivers. This puts us all at risk.

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    2. MassMatt*

      I am pleasantly surprised that the campus police/workplace responded so well. So often here we see a “well, it didn’t happen at work, what do you expect US to do?” response shrugging this sort of thing off.

      The thought of people he tailgated and screamed at being alone in a garage with this guy–yikes.

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      1. ferrina*

        Yes, I love the campus police’s response! I was especially delighted by the speed checks at the places where the guy drives- a not-so-subtle “we’re watching you”.

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    3. Chirpy*

      Especially on a university campus! Most campuses have a higher number of pedestrians than elsewhere in the city, so road rage is even more dangerous. Nobody wants this guy to lose control/drive erratically and hit someone walking or biking!

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  5. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

    Holy crap, that dude’s behaviour was absolutely inappropriate. I’m glad you did something and that the people with power / authority handled it well! Fingers crossed that campus police and HR telling him that none of this was OK will serve as a wake-up call to him to change his behaviour.

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  6. Yikes*

    As someone working in an open floorplan office, I LOVE this tip about managers offering their space. Every member of my org’s leadership has an office and it would mean a lot if they even *offered* using their space when needed.

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    1. Jack Straw from Wichita*

      AGREED! As someone who is a leader–without a closed office and with paper thin walls in our huddle rooms–the advice about getting a private place to call was excellent reminder to me that sometimes, moving to a different floor is a perfectly acceptable option for me and my team.

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    2. Ally McBeal*

      I always tell new hires that they should feel free to use any empty office for calls of a sensitive nature (personal OR professional), and if office space is tight I’ll offer my own office when I’m WFH.

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      1. Wendy Darling*

        I wish we had that at my office. We have one phone room per floor and our conference rooms are usually all booked for meetings, and only C-level execs and HR people actually have offices with doors that close, so frequently there is NOWHERE to make a private phone call and it sucks. Managers can’t even offer their offices because they don’t have them!

        Once in a while I need to take a call about a medical thing and I pretty much just have to find some corner of a public area to do it in. And most medical offices are only open during my work hours, so I end up having to make medical appointments on my work from home days, because I don’t want to give a medical history over the phone in the middle of the office!

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        1. TeaCoziesRUs*

          It depends how well your doctors office knows you, but I’ve been able to say things along the lines of, “I’m in a public space and I recognize your voice, Nurse Betty. Can we skip the private info?” and they’ve been willing to accommodate. I wouldn’t try it with a new doc, but when I can recognize the person’s voice, it’s more feasible.

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          1. Wendy Darling*

            I’ve tried, but I park in an underground garage and get like half a bar of signal down there so no one can hear me. It’s a bummer!

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    3. manon*

      I have a new manager who has a somewhat irregular hybrid schedule, so sometimes our 1:1 meetings are in person and sometimes they’re zoom calls (which would otherwise be in a shared office). He made it clear that if we have something scheduled with him while he’s remote, we can use his office to make the call which has been a really nice option to have.

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  7. Dee*

    Thanks for this update. I think about this and similar letters a lot, where people appear one way in the office and then another less professional way outside of it. I’m glad your boss encouraged you to call the police and literally gave you the space to do that. Thanks for being a person of integrity

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    1. Lisa*

      I would lay money this guy behaves in a pretty similar way in the office, too, and that LW just has the fortune to not work with or for them. (Hence not knowing their name/contact info.)

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      1. Dee*

        I mean, yeah. But probably something less than following someone and yelling curse words at them. But yeah- you’re right. It’s hardly ever truly the one you don’t expect

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        1. BigLawEx*

          As I was married to someone like this. He was awful at home AND at work. I’ve lived in LA/NYC and there are a ton of professions that allow/support this kind of behavior…unfortunately. It’s actually only from reading AAM that I came to realize these kinds of behaviors are outside of the norm. Law, finance, entertainment, etc., are different beasts.

          Also, I know a fair number of doctors who can get away with this…

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          1. MassMatt*

            I remember in the late 80’s Thatcher pulled English soccer from international competition due to the rampant violence from the fans.

            After much investigation it turned out the stereotype of the soccer hooligans being comprised solely of unemployed and/or poor working class louts was very much wrong. Some of the worst offenders given lifetime bans were doctors, real estate agents, and other professionals that basically looked on this gang violence in the guise of fandom as a sort of hobby.

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            1. Heffalump*

              At some point I read a news story to the effect that British subjects would be prosecuted in the UK for their conduct in other countries. Sounded like a good idea.

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          2. Ally McBeal*

            Yuuuup the BS I put up with when I worked on Wall Street made me wonder how any of those jerks were married with kids instead of divorced eight times – the only explanation was that they took out all their frustrations at work and tried not to bring it home. At the very upper echelons I could see some wives putting up with their behavior because it allows them to live that “ladies who lunch” lifestyle, but most of the jerks at my company weren’t making that kind of money.

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            1. BigLawEx*

              In my experience, they’re never home. And when they’re home, they’re disengaged. These are my friends. It’s a tolerable lifestyle as my friends have very busy lives outside of the marriage. (Kids, charity events, private school volunteering, exercise, travel).

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  8. Zona the Great*

    I’ll forever be grateful that I once trained and held a CDL for years. It teaches you (well, most people) the “be my guest” mentality that has saved me from my own potential road rage. I cannot imagine escalating to tailgating or screaming but I feel lucky to not even feel a slight bit of anger on the road.

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    1. madhatter360*

      The two main rules my dad imparted on me when I learned to drive were
      1) Protect the vehicle.
      2) The right of way is yours to yield.

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    2. Happy meal with extra happy*

      Sometimes I go down the YouTube rabbit hole of dashcam videos, and it has legitimately taught me to not engage with and actively avoid aggressive drivers. Probably in like half of the videos posted, the people with the dashcams could have done a lot to prevent incidents, but they’re so self-righteous because they technically have the right of way, so they’d rather just honk and hope the other person stops or swerves.

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      1. Zona the Great*

        I completely agree! I feel similarly to those who plop a video camera in front of random business and in the post office and stuff and bait people into telling them they can’t film them. You know they were there precisely to rile someone up.

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      3. PresidentBob*

        I used to work in auto insurance, investigating accidents (talking to both sides, getting all the details, looking at the intersection, etc). So many accidents can be avoided by just being the bigger, calmer person, and letting the jackass drive like a jerk far away from you. There were so many “yes, that person was the aggressor/did the dumb thing, but you had the last clear chance to avoid the accident so we have to split fault” (noting it’s more complicated than that but the crux is there). That was very rarely taken well. I’ve always been a defensive driver, but became far more so after that job (I only worked there a little of a year due to the stress of dealing with the combination of stressed folks or the straight-up jerks).
        I also was/occasionally jump back into the idiotsincars subreddit. To the point of the conversation thread – a very high percentage of the people posting their own accidents could have avoided it by driving more defensivly or just letting the jerk do what they were trying to do and letting it go. That jerk is likely to hit someone eventually, if you can avoid it being you – do it.

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      4. boof*

        uuuhg I actively avoid because when i tried half were people being jerks to women and then asking “Whoah karen are you ok?” while filming how they react to someone (usually a man) trying to get in their face
        … I try not to participate in the internet rage machines on either level uhg

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          1. MigraineMonth*

            Driver’s Ed taught me who had the right of way and my parents taught me to drive as if the other drivers didn’t always know that.

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      2. Cat Tree*

        Yes, and I will even pull over if I have a safe opportunity to let an aggressive tailgater pass me. Unfortunately as LW pointed out, some drivers apparently love to be angry and will continue to follow me instead of zooming off around me. Whatever. If they actively decide to continue to be annoyed be me, they deserve all the garbage feelings they get from it.

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        1. Wendy Darling*

          With sufficiently aggro tailgaters I’ll just get in the right lane and drive exactly the speed limit in a straight line until they give up and go away, because I’m afraid if I stop they’ll get out and come at me.

          I accidentally cut a guy off two guys in a pickup truck when I was a brand new driver in my teens and they followed and harassed me for ages — they’d tailgate me for a while, then zoom around me and cut me off and break check me, then throw empty bottles and trash out the windows at me, repeat for what felt like about an hour but was probably 5-10 minutes. Unfortunately it was pre-smartphone and I would have had to take my eyes off the road to get to my dumbphone in my purse, so I couldn’t even call 911. I just stayed on the main road and was boring until they screamed off.

          In retrospect the number of empty beer bottles they had in that truck was definitely indicative of something.

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          1. PresidentBob*

            As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a “hang out in the right lane at just above/speed of traffic” sort of guy. If you math it out, speeding/reckless driving saves such a miniscule amount of time, it’s just not worth it.

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            1. Hot Flash Gordon*

              I’m not super proud of this, but in the past if someone was tailing me, I would box them in (hopefully I’m next to someone going at or under the speed limit) and just watch them lose their ever-loving minds in my rear-view mirror. Once, a dude next to me in a small pick-up figured out what I was doing and played along for a couple of miles (the tailgater was trying to re-enact The Fast and the Furious) and it was kind of a weird little bonding moment.

              I don’t do it anymore because people seem to be more aggressive now where I live.

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    4. Statler von Waldorf*

      For those wondering, CDL is short for Commercial Driver’s License.

      Despite what the owner of a trucking company used to repeatedly tell me when I worked there, it is not actually short for Cannot Do Labor.

      Reply ↓
      1. Zona the Great*

        That’s the typical attitude of owners. That and, “fake your logs” to get around the sleep requirements.

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    5. CDL Admin*

      I work at a CDL school, and one of the very first lessons our instructors tell the students is “If you cannot be patient and/or cannot control your anger, you should not be here.”

      I admit that I do feel some anger on the road, but it’s usually when I see someone else not treating these several-thousand-pound death machines as the death machines they are. (Not that we should all be afraid of cars or driving, but I think of it like fire in that, if you don’t give it the respect it deserves, you’re probably gonna get burned. Except in a car, you may burn someone else with you.)

      Reply ↓
        1. Observer*

          Yeah. And it might be a *lot* more that a few someones. If you go to Google and start typing in “great fire” it will give you a whole list of “great fire” entries for different cities and different dates. And all of them were fires that killed a considerable number of people.

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      2. MigraineMonth*

        I feel like being a little afraid of cars and driving is perfectly reasonable. There is nothing else I do on a daily basis that has a reasonable chance of immediately killing myself and several others if I don’t pay attention for a couple of seconds. It’s pretty crazy that there’s no simple way to opt out of it.

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    6. Ally McBeal*

      My dad had a CDL and drove a truck while I was in high school. He taught me a lot about how to be a conscientious driver, and the extent of his road rage (when I was within earshot, anyway) was creatively insulting people without cursing.

      Reply ↓
    7. Hroethvitnir*

      I feel positively about truck drivers specifically because they *do* generally drive conscientiously, despite cars constantly losing their minds around them. In the last three years I’ve only seen one truck driving inappropriately/aggressively, whereas I would say more than half of the drivers in this low population city speed up by as much as 25% to stop overtaking, and follow way too closely even if not tailgating per se. -_-

      I commute on a road with a lot of trucks coming and going, and most of the time I’m the only one that thanks them for pulling over, and a majority of people follow incredibly unsafely close – which also totally blocks your view so makes zero sense as well as being stupid.

      I really think you’d have to find some preternatural calm to survive that job! Totally underappreciated.

      Reply ↓
  9. Elbie*

    Wow. I also work in a hospital and this is something that would clearly be against our Code of Conduct and the repeated behaviors that you encountered could be potential grounds for firing. While HR may not be able to tell you about the outcome of your complaint, (other than we are taking appropriate steps to follow up) you can be sure (I would hope) that this is noted in the employee’s file, and that if there are future behavioral issues by this employee, more serious action will be taken. And I would not be surprised if the employee is already being watched closely by HR and supervisors. I would not want this guy around any patients or visitors. His anger issues sound like a liability!

    Reply ↓
    1. Mouse named Anon*

      I don’t work for a hospital, but a company that takes safety very serious. Our speed limit in parking lots is 7.5 mph (I can’t tell you why its that specific number). Once my husband dropped me off and he went about 9 mph (yes we have a speedometer in the parking lot). A company wide email was circulated about the person in our car that sped and not to do it again. I about died and thankfully no one knew it was my husband. So this would not fly at my work haha. Sometimes its over the top, but honestly its better than them not caring at all!

      Reply ↓
      1. Throwaway Account*

        I don’t think my car will go under 10 mph! I’ve tried and I just wind up giving a little gas, going too fast for a second, then coasting too slowly, then a little gas, etc.

        Reply ↓
        1. Ally McBeal*

          When I was in high school (a church-school combo), our campus had a posted speed limit of 8 mph and lots of speed bumps. An upperclassman published a half-serious, half-satirical letter to the editor in our school newsletter complaining that the church would have to collect his car and donate it for charity because he had to abandon it when 8 mph wasn’t fast enough to power him over the speed bump. He wasn’t entirely wrong!

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        2. Wayward Sun*

          Mine will creep at about 4 or 5 mph if I just let it idle in gear, which is about all I need to do in a parking lot.

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  10. Joana*

    So glad you have such a supportive work place, OP. Alison’s response in the first letter was disappointing but understandable, but the results are a lot closer to how I wish reality was (other than it escalating to screaming! That’s not something I’d wish anyone have to deal with)

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  11. Ruby*

    It’s good that you had a private place to call, but for everyone reading, you NEED to follow up ALL communication with HR in writing. Avoid phone calls and meetings if you can.

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    1. Be Gneiss*

      It sounds like the call was to campus police, not HR. The way I read the letter, she was going to open an HR ticket but her manager encouraged her to call campus police.

      Reply ↓
      1. Eldritch Office Worker*

        I hope she did both. Behavior between coworkers that escalates to police involvement absolutely should come across HR’s desk.

        Reply ↓
  12. A large cage of birds*

    Wow, good update. I’m so glad that campus police and your manager were actually helpful to you in this situation!

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  13. HiddenT*

    Honestly, it was only a matter of time, if you saw him that regularly on your commute. Someone who drives that aggressively has clear anger issues that are going to come out sooner or later. I’m glad that you were able to report him before anyone got hurt because of his behavior, and that the relevant authorities took you seriously. I would imagine campus security takes things like that especially seriously since it’s a hospital and they probably already see way too many traffic injuries!

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  14. Spinner of Light*

    You, your manager, and the campus police are all stand-up guys/gals! (If all managers were like yours, there’d be far fewer letters to AAM and no need at all for “Worst Boss of the Year” awards! ;) And you absolutely did the right thing in reporting this extremely dangerous driver to the authorities.

    Not only did you do everyone in your workplace a favor (if he harasses you while you’re driving, then he’s doing the same thing to your colleagues) you did everyone else on the roads he drives a favor as well. Because if that’s how he drives where he can be recognized and identified, imagine how he’s driving on streets and highways where he’s surrounded by anonymous drivers, none of whom will ever recognize him. He’s likely to feel even freer to give way to his selfish, infantile choice to let his temper rule him instead of ruling it (you know, the way adults like you, your manager and the campus police do!) If this shakes him up even a little, then everyone else on the road in your area owes you a vote of thanks as well.

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  15. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

    I must admit that I do get ticked off and b*tch at them while I’m driving… but only TO MYSELF. I do nothing aggressive to them, however, just complain to myself.

    I still do that, but now I also tell myself to breathe deeply and let it go, and remind myself that “people are idiots”. Those two steps have reduced my stress level immensely.

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    1. Joana*

      My sister has some angry driver issues, not road rage but more “gets upset really easily at stupid driving” issues. I’ve taken to responding to “Why did they do that?!” with “Because they’re idiots, don’t worry about it.”

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      1. ruthling*

        something I picked up from reddit that can help is thinking “maybe they really have to use the bathroom”. It makes me less upset.

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      2. Wayward Sun*

        When someone does something dumb in front of me in traffic I tend to talk to them like I’m talking to a cat that’s just gotten all four paws stuck on a curtain. “Aww, driving is just SOOOOO HARD, isn’t it?”

        Reply ↓
        2. LizB*

          Ooh, I like that. I’ll add it to my existing collection of strategies, which includes “telling myself they are about to have a terrible bathroom emergency” and “pretending to be David Attenborough observing the fascinating behavior of the Lesser-Skilled Driver in its natural habitat”.

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      3. Hroethvitnir*

        Ha, same hat. I have realised over time that my compulsion to do things Correctly is rather unusual. Thoughtlessness drives me up the wall, and while I stay shy of actual rage when I’m not depressed*, I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to not be annoyed with how many people are rude and dangerous out of apparent complete self-absorption. I am actively pleased when I see people drive particularly well though (eg: pulling over for faster traffic, good following distance, appropriate distance, indicating and actually checking when overtaking), which is less common than it should be. Mental high five for consideration. There’s a *Tesla* around here who’s notably good! Shocking.

        I have also observed there is a specific anti-sweet spot of traffic build up that really triggers more people to be unreasonable. If it’s always bumper to bumper people can be pretty good, but moderately congested really gets to people.

        *Seriously, the first sign my SSRIs were working last time I had to start again is not feeling incredibly angry commuting.

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    2. Lady Lessa*

      I always get a grin when the local radio host mentions “Avoiding that horribly unsafe driver ahead of you” or praising us “for the common sense that you are known for.”

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    3. boof*

      I, personally, try to assume they are lost/confused / having a really hard time (becuase times I drive slow/erratically are usually when I am lost and trying to figure out where to turn / look for a landmark / etc)
      Now if they are driving badly in an aggressive way then I just assume that clearly they are running late to their important traffic violation case XD

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  16. MCMonkeybean*

    Dang, reading the first letter I thought like Alison that if he realized some of the people he was driving aggressively at on the road were coworkers he might think twice. But apparently not! Holy cow, what a wild escalation.

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  17. Caramel & Cheddar*

    I can’t tell from the letter, and maybe LW can’t either since they changed their route, but has this guy’s behaviour improved? Like, did the talking to from security actually work? Is he getting trapped in the speed traps? Is he still driving like a maniac but using another route?

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  18. BigLawEx*

    I feel this so hard. I was married to someone like this and his behavior in the car (in public) was just a tip of the iceberg of his at home behavior.

    That said, tickets/driving school penalties weren’t a deterrent because he thinks he’s always right. I merely cross my fingers and hope for others on the road. LW, I’m sorry this happened to you.

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    2. Bibliothecarial*

      I love the past tense here – glad you’re not married to him anymore! People like that are more terrifying than any horror movie monsters :(

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  20. Cat Tree*

    Wow. If this guy is THIS angry every single day, he really needs to take a step back and examine himself (of course he never will). But his entire existence seems so miserable that I would almost feel sorry for him if he wasn’t actively endangering others.

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    1. Radioactive Cyborg Llama*

      I have been labelling a lot of things “main character syndrome” lately. This fits. Mt husband was dropping me off at the airport the other day and it was jammed, and some a-hole was repeatedly leaning on his horn and screaming out the window …at people who were in the same situation and couldn’t do a thing about it.

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      1. X Xx*

        My mom likes to tell the story of an international flight she was getting on to return to the US. In some European airports the North American flights get their own terminal for security reasons. In this case you couldn’t wait at the gates – you had to stand in a big line until just before the departure time, when they would start letting people for that flight through the extra security checks and onto the plane.

        As she stood in line, a guy near her started to complain about the wait. Eventually he got really agitated, because it was only 15 minutes till the departure time and he still wasn’t on the plane! He was going to miss the flight! Finally my mom told him that she was on the same flight, and half the people around him were too, and the plane wasn’t just going to leave without any of its passengers.

        If he’d bothered to look around or ask anyone near him what was going on, he would’ve learned that. Instead he leaned into self-centered panic. Very American indeed.

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        1. LookAtMeI'mTheManagerNow*

          My mom was on a plane that had to do a TOGA for whatever reason. The guy next to her complained that the pilot wasn’t keeping them informed and she was like “I bet they’re pretty busy right now!”

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      2. Jennifer Strange*

        That’s always my favorite, people honking angrily in deadlock traffic. Do they think the cars (or worse, the people who have just been in a potentially-fatal accident) five miles ahead hear them and know they’re angry about the situation?

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        1. Nobby Nobbs*

          My favorite is the daring race to the next red light. Yay, you got to stop twenty feet ahead of me! Congratulations!

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          1. Magpie*

            my favourite is when drivers do this when I’m on a bike.

            like, bro. really? you’re already slowing down. I’m gonna pull over to the side to rest my foot on the curb in a second where I will be THE LEAST in your way, but no, go ahead and swerve into the other lane so I can pull up next to your passenger window anyway.

            I always give them a nice cheery wave and a smile

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    2. H.Regalis*

      I can’t even fathom having the energy to be this angry all of the time without being on massive amounts of uppers. Who are these people? They’re terrifying.

      Reply ↓
  21. dulcinea47*

    Hm, dude that road raged at me across two counties also refused to pass when I got in the right lane and slowed way down. No one cared.

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    1. DisneyChannelThis*

      You can call 911. You can call other LEO (state troopers) if you know the number for the region you are driving around. Some areas also have law enforcement agencies have signs for the exit on the highway (sheriff next exit) you can exit and go directly to one of those locations for help too.

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      1. LookAtMeI'mTheManagerNow*

        For what it’s worth PA state police didn’t give a crap about a definitely illegally-modified pickup truck with no license plate driving on 476 (a toll road that tolls by plate).

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    2. Butterfly Counter*

      I had a trucker do this across two states!

      He tailgated me so close that all I saw in my rear view mirror was his grill and the skull and crossbones he had attached to it. It was very cold and rainy (threatening to be icy), so I wasn’t about to peel off and leave him behind. There were times I did go slow enough that he went around me and tailgated someone else. But if I ever passed him again, back on my tailgate he would go.

      I hadn’t done anything to him. I think he just probably chose random women on the highway to try and intimidate. Can’t say it actually worked on me. I was so concentrated on driving I-94 between Indiana and Illinois (iykyk) in horrible weather that seeing him on my rear again only got the reaction of, “Oh. Crossbones is back. He sure must be bored. Now to concentrate on my own driving and everyone else’s.”

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      1. Tiny Clay Insects*

        Oof, yikes, I know that stretch. You also got to enjoy lots of billboard for Crazy Kaplan’s Fireworks, I imagine.

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      2. Hroethvitnir*

        That’s horrifying. I don’t know if I *advise* it, since it is an escalation, but I’ve found slowing down more and more (not brake checking!) generally works. That’s more for people who are angry I can’t go *through* the slow car in front of me though.

        I’d certainly be prepared to go ridiculously slowly if it he will overtake and let him get waaay ahead.

        That’s beyond unacceptable, and I’m sorry you had to deal with it in the ice as well!

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  23. whatchamacallit*

    I lost a family member to a careless driver. The driver faced basically zero consequences because of course besides her, the only other witness is dead. To my knowledge, they aren’t even getting points on their license. It’s incredibly important to hold dangerous drivers accountable and it’s so meaningful that you did.

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    1. Keymaster of Gozer (She/Her)*

      I am so sorry to hear that. Same thing happened to us and I dunno about you but the rage at the injustice hurts just as hard as the grief.

      I had to also be cut out of my car due to a very careless lorry driver who didn’t get any significant reprisal.

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    2. Jzilbeck*

      I saw an article in the Washington Post a few months ago that highlighted the number of tickets and fines problematic drivers around the DC area have racked up, but apparently nobody is enforcing punishment for lack of payment. We’re talking 5 figures in fines. One such driver ran over a kid in a crosswalk and WAS ALLOWED TO DRIVE HOME despite putting the kid in the hospital.

      In my area aggressive driving has become way more prevalent and the cops seem to have vanished. They don’t seem to get involved unless an accident has already happened. I am constantly tailgated and have officially lost count how many times someone has blown past me over a double yellow on a RESIDENTIAL STREET with a 25mph limit. They’ll do it even with oncoming traffic and people walking along the road – I’ve almost been hit head on several times. They even blow off crossing guards allowing kids to cross the street and have the audacity to cuss them out for being in the way. I never drive without a dashcam now, and do my best to not engage with other drivers, especially when my small child is with me. It’s gotten lawless out there.

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      1. PresidentBob*

        In Seattle, the police have stopped ticketing drivers. They say “it’s safer just to send a summons” but it’s really a stopping their feet at the public criticising their actions (or lack thereof) and insane levels of pay for little results.

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  24. Diatryma*

    Conversations with the toddlers:
    “The most important thing about driving is being safe.”

    Kids: What was that noise?
    Me: Someone honked their horn, honk honk!
    Kids: Why did they do that?
    Me: Honking is like making your car yell. Why do you yell?
    Kids: I don’t know….
    Me: Maybe you’re excited or want to get someone’s attention or you’re frustrated (paraphrased). But yeah, it’s making your car yell.

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    1. Aggressive Drivee OP*

      I remember my mom teaching me to drive as a teen, and having another driver honk at me for making a mistake. “Why is that car yelling at me???” is the phrase that popped out of my mouth!

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  25. Fluff*

    Glad you got it reported. If he does this in a hospital where there are many people, what would he do on a deserted road?

    Years ago when I was a free lance musician I was harassed by a guy (my age at the time) in a big pick up truck. Apparently I was passing a big 18 wheeler too slow for him. He zoomed up on me and for some reason, got mad. I was not being a lane hog, I promise. I got over as soon as I ad a safe distance in front of the big transport truck. It was late after a concert and I was driving my 1971 Super beetle. It was night and quite scary on a longer stretch of interstate.

    The pick up did this for probably 10-15 minutes. I do not remember how long except I was terrified. I was driving ok – maybe 60-65 mph and white truck had plenty of chances to pass. The 18 wheeler I had passed a while back lumbered up showing some speed. To my surprise, he brought 2 buddies in their own 18 wheelers. I was starting to freak. out.

    Reader, they were coming to my RESCUE. The 18 wheeler club somehow sped up and maneuvered so they trapped the dude in the big white truck, slowed down and let me in the get away! It was a heroic rolling roadblock. I have no idea how they did that. It was like synchronized swimming – with massive trucks.

    Not all heroes wear capes. Some drive 18 wheelers!

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  26. boof*

    Thanks for the update op, but sorry you had to go through all that! I too have found campus police way more helpful/reasonable than regular police for scary but “no one’s dead yet!” things. I’m sure no group is infallible but let it be said folks should have a low threshold to talk to campus police, often times they are kind of what you wish regular police were but often aren’t.

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  27. Vixen of the Bean Realm*

    It really frustrates me when people who really deserve to lose their jobs bully people like OP who are too nice to ask for that outcome.

    This prick REALLY deserved much harsher consequences. He may end up killing someone one day.

    Reply ↓

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