update: I organize orgies — can I talk about it in my job hunt?

by Alison Green on December 4, 2024

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer who organized orgies and wanted to know if they could talk about it in their job hunt? Here’s the update.

When I wrote in to you about work for retired orgynizers, I was mostly writing out of shame. There had been a ton of fun, friendship, and adventure in orgynizing. But I also thought that it made me sort of marked forever as some class of “candidate too gross, too weird” to employers.

Reading the comments was whiplash. One type was certain that I would engage in further nefarious deeds in the workplace, like not writing my experience from that business as ORGY MAKERS R US, LEAD ORGYNIZER on my resume. Or some other line of thinking about how my character was irreparably damaged from my time buying lube in bulk.

There were also a ton of people who said things along the lines of “oh, yep, I’ve needed to be cautious about things in a resume before.” People were pointing out my obvious admin and people skills. [And you know what? You were right! I DO have great administrative and people skills! Some thought it was funny, people conducted sex ed for adults in the comments (“what do they do at orgies? why does it take a weekend?”] I read all the comments, and you guys were great.

Thank you, too, to the commenter who came up with “orgynizer.” That is a genius portmanteau. May there always be room in the office fridge for your lunch, may the good parking spot open up before you.

What did I do with your advice? I decided fuck ’em. The global point of no return from climate change is 2-26 years away. What is the point of worrying about if every interviewer will like my resume? Universal appeal isn’t something we get. I took my skills in finding very discreet AirBnBs and herding people with cat ears, and now I do an analog letterpress business’s marketing and administration. Fun! Weird! Lots of old white men in Meaningful hats! Not fracking! Pays the bills! Great. I also teach people how to grow legal psychedelic plants, and am working on a slime mold that I can use for data visualization projects.

Which is all to say, don’t let the bastards grind you down. There are so many good paths through life. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, picking a strange but reliable career path is a totally neutral, or even good, thing to do.

Warmly,

Former Orgynizer, Retired with Honors

P.S. A common question that came up in the comments was if the adult weekends were something I was doing as a volunteer/my hobby. Nope! Formal business. I set up an LLC for that business and paid taxes under that designation.

You may also like:
{ 180 comments }

{ 180 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Funko Pops Day*

    Thank you for authoring what should now be the official blessing of AAM, “May there always be room in the office fridge for your lunch, may the good parking spot open up before you.”

    Reply ↓
    2. notagirlengineer*

      That sounds like so much fun! I don’t think I can share links, but I’ve read a lot about them- just Google “why are slime molds so amazing” to find lots of info.

      OP, if you want to talk about your adventures with slime molds, PLEASE SHARE!

      Reply ↓
    3. bamcheeks*

      Yes, I read that and thought, come again?

      Then I realised that was probably the worst possible thing to say to an orgyniser.

      Reply ↓
    4. catnoodles*

      I know! I RAN to the comments to ask about the slime mold for data vis!
      Slime molds are so cool and I’d love to know more about this project, OP. :)

      Reply ↓
    5. Ally McBeal*

      Can someone please explain what this means? Because I hear a loooooot of business jargon in my line of work but google is only giving me “Slime mold is an informal name given to a polyphyletic assemblage of unrelated eukaryotic organisms” and that doesn’t quite seem right.

      Reply ↓
      1. cloudy*

        It is right actually! Slime molds are very efficient organisms when it comes to networking. If you, for example, printed out a map of the United States and put food on all of the major cities, slime molds will arrange themselves in a way that shows you the most efficient paths to draw between those cities for potential transit systems to connect all of them.

        Try searching for things like “using slime molds to design subway networks” or “slime mold growth as a template for urban design” and some articles should show up!

        Reply ↓
      2. Scrimp*

        It is as you said, many organisms that look like one organism. It looks like a bit of slime that moves as a network.

        A slime mould colony(?) works as a team to find nutrients as efficiently as possible. One experiment was to set up a slime mould on a city map, and put nutrients at major centres to see what it did, and it grew along the most efficient traffic routes. So one application for them could be to use slime moulds to help determine effective routing systems rather than relying in programming.

        But there is so much more to slime moulds than that! They really are just fun little guys =)

        Reply ↓
        1. Azure Jane Lunatic*

          And they come in many fascinating, groovy colors! My dad used to point out the screaming pink and electric orange ones.

          Reply ↓
    6. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      Here’s a comment I wrote down thread answering this:

      Slime molds can be used to create complex algorithms. Once the mold, habitat, and variables of inquiry have set up correctly, like framing a research question or designing a study, those algorithms have some incredible applications, like the list at the bottom here. https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Slime_Mould_Algorithm

      I’m interested in using molds to help people visualize solutions to and internalize understanding of complex social problems, like gerrymandering. I’d eventually love to make models that classrooms or individuals could use to explore questions on their own, but I’m on the Learning About Agar phase. Wish me luck!

      Reply ↓
      1. MM*

        All the luck in the world to you! I would desperately love to be able to use a slime mold-related explanation of gerrymandering in my classroom.

        Reply ↓
      1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

        I’m not a star trek guy, but the borg is one organism with separate active entities, right? If so, slime mold is the opposite of the borg. Each specimen, no matter how large, is a single individual, not linked organisms. One way to think about it is that there’s a single individual fungus in the Malhuer national forest in Oregon that is 2,385 acres. Fungus adapts epigenetically rather than through sexual reproduction, which means that the mushrooms a fungus network sends up year to year are slightly different and slightly better adapted to its environment. Through mechanisms I don’t understand, every cell of that 2,385 organism has the same adaption and makes genetically identical mushrooms. How an individual organism is able to communicate relatively rapid genetic change over 3.2 square miles, I don’t understand. But I think it’s beautiful and a sacred act, in its way.

        I am not going to get deeper into whether I’m wrong on the borg, or there’s a nuance I’m missing, as I don’t care.

        Reply ↓
        1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

          Double update: the molds I work with are single organism. There are multi organism slime molds, but they are not my colleagues.

          Reply ↓
    8. Samwise*

      I had a student a few years ago who used slime mold as a way to determine the most efficient route between points — kind of a GIS meets Biotech project.

      The world is weird and wonderful.

      Reply ↓
      1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

        It’s beautiful…in its simplicity….thank you Phony Genius…….what a gift you have given us all.

        Reply ↓
    2. GammaGirl1908*

      I also loved, “I decided fuck ’em.”

      I mean … isn’t that kind of where we came in with this conversation?

      Reply ↓
  5. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

    I think this is the funniest update I have ever read and therefore my instant favorite! Not fracking! Awesome :)

    Reply ↓
    1. Rock Prof*

      I also love that “old white men in meaningful hats! Not fracking!” can be used to describe so much of the specific geological fields I’m interested in (environmental and river related).

      Reply ↓
      1. So they all cheap-ass rolled over and one fell out*

        I don’t understand the meaningful hats comment, can you explain it?

        Reply ↓
        1. Jack Straw from Wichita*

          I am assuming that the capitalization of “Meaningful” is important in that phrase. And that the OP is in the US, where we have lots of old white mean in M(AGA)eaningful hats wandering about who support our newly re-elected… ruler. I cant bring myself to call him a president again.

          I could be off base, but that was my assumption.

          Reply ↓
          1. Jack Straw from Wichita*

            Also, assuming the capitalization is meaningful (ha!) because the OP is clearly a skilled writer. Random acts of capitalization don’t usually occur when someone knows what a portmanteau is. ;)

            Reply ↓
        2. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

          There’s a subset of older men that love to wear a hat with Cultural Context. Famous mycologist Paul Stamets is a good example of this; he’s usually photographed wearing a hat that is made of mushroom leather through a mostly extinct Romanian method (https://www.slowtours.travel/shop/amadou/amadou-hat/)

          Now that I think about it, I’ve seen American Black men who are really into formal hats that have to do with their role in the church, old Hawaiian men who don’t seem detachable from their straw Filipino style hats. In my line of work, I get a lot of old guys who are *dying* to tell me about their Tyrolean hat (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyrolean_hat), or Basque shepherds cap, or whatever.

          Idk why a subset of old men get really into Meaningful Hats as they age (balding?), but I find it pretty charming.

          Reply ↓
          1. wendelenn*

            Today I Learned that there is a REAL PAUL STAMETS who is a mycologist. I assume the Discovery character who works with the spore drive was named in his honor.

            Reply ↓
            2. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

              There’s a Stamets in the hannibal TV series, and one in star trek. Like ever spreading mycelium networks, he gets around.

              Reply ↓
        3. Nosy*

          I took “Meaningful hats” to mean that they wear a particular style of hat (be that a newsboy cap, panama hat, etc) that is part of their signature style and they wear it every day. I could be totally off-base, though!

          Reply ↓
      2. Snow Angels in the Zen Garden*

        The Meaningful hats comment made me think of this Terry Pratchett quote:
        “It wasn’t the wearing of the hats that counted so much as having one to wear. Every trade, every craft had its hat. That’s why kings had hats. Take the crown off a king and all you had was someone good at having a weak chin and waving to people. Hats had power. Hats were important.”

        – Terry Pratchett – Witches Abroad

        Reply ↓
  6. Falling Diphthong*

    Fun slime mold fact: Slime molds can figure out how to find the IKEA exit.

    (The researcher posed this problem because he routinely couldn’t solve it.)

    They are also quite good at recreating road and rail networks.

    Reply ↓
    1. CeeDoo*

      That really is a fun fact. Thank you for sharing. I have had no instruction in slime molds, but feel I learned something.

      Reply ↓
    2. nnn*

      How do they communicate to the slime mold that they want it to find the Ikea exit?

      Or do slime molds just have some primordial intuition to flee Ikea???

      Reply ↓
      1. hello*

        The way they do road/rail networks is to have a blob of food at each population center, so the slime mold finds the most efficient route between all of them. I assume the Ikea model would be similar, probably food at the exit.

        Reply ↓
      3. Fun Guy*

        Slime molds don’t have brains, but they create tunnels to carry nutrients in from food sources, so can be placed on maps or mazes with food sources put down to indicate places of interest, and find the quickest way to or between them.

        Reply ↓
        1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

          Slime molds can be used to create complex algorithms. Once the mold, habitat, and variables of inquiry have set up correctly, like framing a research question or designing a study, those algorithms have some incredible applications, like the list at the bottom here. https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Slime_Mould_Algorithm

          I’m interested in using molds to help people visualize solutions to and internalize understanding of complex social problems, like gerrymandering. I’d eventually love to make models that classrooms or individuals could use to explore questions on their own, but I’m on the Learning About Agar phase. Wish me luck!

          Reply ↓
          1. Bird names*

            Thanks for the explanation! My knowledge stems more from the plant side of things, but I’ve kept an eye on developments like this as well. Mostly I think it’s neat how nature helps us solve current problems in unexpected ways. :)

            Reply ↓
          2. JDM researcher*

            I’m a judgment and decision making researher and one of my favorite slime mold facts is that it can actually exhibit “cognitive bias” (violation of independence of irrelevant alternatives– basically, if you have a choice between an expensive flight that leaves at a desirable time vs. an inexpensive flight that leaves at an undesirable time, your preference should be the same whether or not there’s also an expensive flight that leaves at a moderately desirable time, since that’s worse than either of the 2 original flights– but in fact it does shift peoples’ preferences): https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3013386/

            Reply ↓
            1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

              Wow, that’s beautiful. If I’m understanding correctly, a slime mold is intelligent that it can “split the difference” between options with multiple variables to arrive at a compromise choice. Really fun guys :)

              Reply ↓
              1. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

                My knowledge is Wikipedia-level but I thought slime molds were not, in fact, fungi? (i.e. I see what you did there and it points out that my knowledge is clearly out of date or just plain wrong)

                Reply ↓
                1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

                  They are in the kingdom fungi. They don’t sprout mushrooms like saprophyte fungus mostly does, but they are related. Cousins.

        3. Bird names*

          Yep, basically. Same reason you find the fibonacci sequence in nature a lot and other “efficiencies”. The success of plants and fungi partly depends on not wasting resources when it comes to finding nutrients, water and the optimal placement of leaves to gather sunlight. And then we simply use those ingrained mechanisms to apply e.g. with slime mold computing.

          Reply ↓
  7. Diatryma*

    …you are my favorite person today. I aspire to be someone who could be friends with you and to emulate your overall attitude.

    Reply ↓
  8. many bells down*

    One of my co-worker’s spouses does something similar – runs a sex-oriented social club – and I think they (singular) just puts it right out on their resume. I know they’ve done on-camera interviews about it as well.
    They also used to work for the company that made VeggieTales, so take from that what you will.

    Reply ↓
    1. FashionablyEvil*

      All I know of VeggieTales is that I had to watch a clip in my high school Spanish class that included the line, “Mire el pepino!” (“Look at the cucumber!”) which seems very on topic for this post.

      Reply ↓
      1. Zephy*

        Hilariously, VeggieTales is a Christian children’s cartoon show. Bible stories except with sentient, talking fruits and vegetables. I believe in the VeggieTales universe, Jesus Christ is canonically a pea.

        Reply ↓
        1. Wendy Darling*

          “in the VeggieTales universe, Jesus Christ is canonically a pea” is the funniest thing I’ve read today by at least an order of magnitude, so thanks for that!

          Reply ↓
    2. lil falafel wrap*

      Your comment made me curious about verb tenses! This is from Merriam-Webster (I’ll post the full link below)

      “Nonbinary they takes a plural verb, despite its singular referent, which can make the grammatically conservative uncomfortable. It’s helpful to remember that the pronoun you was initially plural, which is why it too takes the plural verb even when it’s referring to a single person. “You are” has, of course, been perfectly grammatical for centuries, even when the “you” is an individual.”

      Reply ↓
  9. Former Orgynizer, Retured*

    All kudos and honors to @Phony Genius for coming up with the word “orgynizer”. While you may be phony, what a specific kind of genius you are.

    Reply ↓
  11. an infinite number of monkeys*

    I am DYING at “why does it take a weekend?” Because as a conference planner, honest to god my first thought is, “dang, that’s a lot of work to put together an event that lasts about 6-8 minutes tops.”

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      The orgies were honestly probably 25% of the value people out of the weekend. I started right after vaccines became available (mandatory vaccination, mandatory quarantine period week before orgy, testing on arrival and paid for as part of your ticket). Mostly people were lonely, and wanted to meet likeminded people without being judged. At least one multi year relationship started from each event I threw, and one marriage.

      Also, fwiw, there weren’t a lot of time limiting sex organs at the events. A lot more than that would dox me more than I already have.

      Reply ↓
      1. Silvercat*

        Seriously. Heck, tell me you aren’t queer without telling me. Cuz I’ve know even cis men who know sex doesn’t have to be limited to a penis going off (not sure of all of their sexualities to be fair)

        Reply ↓
  12. Coral*

    This is only my second time commenting here after reading this site for years, and I’m doing so because I HAVE to know more about this data visualization slime mold!

    (The first was trying to convince Alison that “they” is a valid single-person pronoun, which I believe she accepts now, but not because of anything I did.)

    Reply ↓
    2. Sloanicota*

      It’s amusing to me that this commentariat has only slime mold questions and not a lot of orgy questions. While I understand how it happened, I am still amused.

      Reply ↓
      1. Nonsense*

        We’re a simple people here. We all have a basic understanding of sex and how that scales up to orgies, but slime molds? Data visualization not used as a buzzword? Speak, Grand Poobah, and tell us more.

        Reply ↓
  13. Coverage Associate*

    As a member of a California nonprofit club dedicated to the book making arts, I salute your letterpress employer! I hope I get to see you or one of your coworkers present to us at some point.

    Reply ↓
  15. Lilo*

    I understand LW’s point but I’m still going to maintain the whole hobby/job resume aspect, unless you’re struggling to fill your resume otherwise. So if you’re employed by a Board Game store to be a Dungeons and Dragons DM or run games, it goes in the resume, but just DMing for friends does not. Just like the letters where people ask about whether they can put doing family members’ taxes on their resume. You want something that you can do a professional reference check on.

    Now of course this comes from the “I’m trying to get a job” perspective. If you’re just out to find something that fits you uniquely and have the financial ability to be that selective, have at it.

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      It wasn’t in the first letter, but I did write in the PS of this that the orgies were a small business that I ran for my primary income for three years. It was set up as an LLC and I paid taxes. Leaving it out entirely would have created a strange gap on my resume, plus I gained useful career skills that I wanted to carry over into new roles. For example, I got a lot of practice in working with people who didn’t read all the applicable text :)

      Reply ↓
      1. Lilo*

        Ah, yeah then I think that’s absolutely fine. You were running a small business, you had a financial motive.

        But yeah I’m not sure if that makes me a weird stickler that I draw the line right there, but that’s where it is. I don’t care what you were organizing as long as we can consider it professional experience. I can use that.

        Reply ↓
        1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

          I didn’t make it clear that the orgies were a traditional business in the first letter and so many people got hung up the “is this professional work/are you doing this as a hobby” question. You’re just the one I have time to respond to and clarify today.

          Reply ↓
      3. Anonymous in WI*

        You are officially my favorite person in the Internet. You had me at the “we’re 20 years from Inevitable Demise, so fuck ’em!” but the end of this response just sealed the deal.

        Reply ↓
      5. Sloanicota*

        I’m really curious if the name was something that could pass as a social club, as in the original advice, or if it was clear from the title alone what it was and there was no way around it. It sounds like either way OP was just straightforward about the business and found an employer who was also counter-culture so it worked out.

        Reply ↓
        1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

          I probably could have found a way through. There were lots of great ideas in the original thread. I realized I wasn’t interested enough in getting back to traditional jobs and was making fine money, so I didn’t put work into figuring it out. Maybe I would have put the initials or the LLC name or whatever on my resume.

          The name I advertised under would surely, truly not pass HR.

          Reply ↓
    2. Spencer Hastings*

      This has come up in a few previous letters (I’m thinking of the person who wrote in about creating “mighty spreadsheets” to do their own household’s taxes).

      Alison’s heuristic, which makes a lot of sense to me as well, seems to be: were you formally accountable to someone, or some organization? If so, it’s more likely that it belongs, even if you weren’t paid. Like if you volunteered for a soup kitchen or something, a hiring manager could call the volunteer coordinator for a reference. It turns out that the LW here *was* paid and was accountable to the clients who hired her, so that fits too.

      Or if there’s some objectivity to it — like a software you taught yourself for hobby reasons — it can make sense to say something like “Intermediate proficiency with Software X” on a resume, and then explain what functions you’re familiar with if asked.

      But for something like “did my own taxes” or “planned my own wedding” or “ran D&D games for my friends”, there’s no possibility of independent verification or any kind of benchmark that could be useful to a hiring manager.

      Reply ↓
    3. Kevin Sours*

      It’s better to have professional experience yes, but some hobbies demonstrate skills that you might want to leverage into a role your professional experience doesn’t support. To use your analogy running a D&D game may not be worth much, but managing at 50 member D&D club including collecting dues, renting event space, keeping the books, and organizing events is a different beast. Probably more interesting experience than being paid by a game store to run a weekly D&D game. Even if it’s being done on a hobby basis.

      Reply ↓
  16. Carrie Oakie*

    As a business professional in the adult world, I know exactly what you’re going through! We gain so many skills – often times more than we would in a traditional corporate environment – we absolutely would be great hires based on experience alone.

    Right there with ya – at least we’re not working with a company that’s dramatically increasing the rapid acceleration towards our imminent decline. We’re the professionals in a world of pleasure, damn it! LOL

    Reply ↓
    1. NoBananaPants*

      I had a friend whose sister worked in an administrative capacity for Playboy…I’m assuming she is retired by now, this was over ten years ago when my friend told me. Quite successful career from what I heard. Hats off to her and LW and to you Carrie!

      Reply ↓
  17. CubeFarmer*

    Wouldn’t the easiest way to obliquely state this on a resume be: “Event Organizer” or “Retreat Organizer”? “Organize two-day, off-site events for 10-25 people including food, accommodations, and activities.”

    Reply ↓
    1. Lilo*

      I still think the issue is whether this is a personal activity or part of an organization. Like how you shouldn’t list planning your cousin’s wedding on your resume.

      Reply ↓
      1. CubeFarmer*

        The LW clearly states at the bottom of the letter that, “A common question that came up in the comments was if the adult weekends were something I was doing as a volunteer/my hobby. Nope! Formal business. I set up an LLC for that business and paid taxes under that designation.”

        So, that question seems addressed.

        Reply ↓
      2. Lydia*

        The LW addressed that. She had a registered business and was hired to organize for clients. And even if you’re doing it for fun or as a volunteer, you are still having to do a professional job. I spent ten years as either a committee member or chairperson on a large fundraising event as a volunteer. I am now a board member of the volunteer run nonprofit I helped found and every year for the last fourteen years we’ve put on a fairly popular and well-attended holiday craft bazaar. I handle the contract and advertising. Tell me why I shouldn’t include that on my resume when it fits the job I’m applying to.

        Reply ↓
        1. Lilo*

          Volunteering is also fine to put on a resume as well if there’s some kind of accountability. Basically someone who oversees the work in some way and there’s some accountability.

          Now you can choose to list some hobbies or fun activities on the resume for color, but I’d recommend keeping it separate. I’ve seen a guy who put that he played the tuba on his resume for a legal job, but it was just one line under the Miscellaneous section. Devoting a lot of space to it on his resume probably wouldn’t have been a good idea, but as a line for color, it was fine.

          Reply ↓
          1. Lydia*

            Okay, but “playing the tuba” is different than “organized tuba concerts inviting players from all over the region to give concerts over a 2-day festival.” The second one absolutely belongs on your resume and not as a one-liner in a miscellaneous section.

            And I’m the person accountable for my volunteer work. Me. Because I’m one of four people in charge. There’s volunteer work that can’t be a career, and there’s volunteer work that can be a career. The work I do now is specifically because of the volunteer work I did.

            Reply ↓
    1. Dawn*

      Now we need to Orgynize the rest of the positions. Ass-sistant…. MANager (I don’t know what you straights do,) Di-erector….

      Reply ↓
      1. Dawn*

        Other side note: I absolutely adore your writing style. You seem like a pretty awesome person. Don’t let them grind you down, indeed; I suspect you can do anything you set out to do.

        Reply ↓
      2. stratospherica*

        My job has Assistant Manager as a position, and is frequently shortened to Ass Man. Always gets a juvenile giggle out of me.

        Reply ↓
  19. Anonomite*

    Having reacquainted myself with the original letter and the comments from one particular person, I’m pretty sure the outrage felt by that person had nothing to do with the LW actually possibly lying on her resume and everything to do with their prudishness. How dare the LW develop actual skills and have a business for *stage whisper*sexstuff.

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      I try and tell myself that twice a day. We get our selves, the times we’re born into, and the choices we can make. Beyond that, things like the appeal we offer to others is out of our control, and frankly, none of our business!

      Wishing to be appealing and likeable to all has led me down some dumb paths. It’s impossible, and chasing impossibilities for the regard of others surely isn’t healthy.

      Reply ↓
  21. Llellayena*

    I think you may want to consider moonlighting as a comedy writer! Your wordplay, both in this letter and in your comments on this post, is exquisite! I’m sure you could put together a book/blog of NSFW comedic content (carefully washed of identifying features) from your previous profession!

    Reply ↓
  22. Pickaduck@gmail.com*

    I think this is all great, but I am wondering about the Airbnb portion of it? Are those airbnbs that specifically rent for this activity?

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      Yup! It’s a whole thing. Orgy weekends have specific needs. First, price point. You need to know all the taxes and fees associated (are there beds for 15 but a charge after 12), so you can set the ticket price and still make a profit, ideally while accounting for some drop outs. There needs to be privacy, so you want to work with a rental company that doesn’t allow inside cameras (airbnb doesnt allow cameras), and you also want some place that has enough space that neighbors aren’t going to be bothered. Everyone always wants their own bed and most rentals aren’t designed for groups of 15+ adults that want their own bed. A private, shared, indoor central gathering space helps people socialize and make connections a lot, and so a hotel doesn’t work. Parking space is good; most people don’t know one another prior and so will bring their own car.

      Everybody always wants a fucking hot tub, which I think is *gross*. Not because of fucking in the hot tub reasons, which I emphasized to all guests was Not Happening, but because hot tubs are gross! Especially in rentals! Why do you want this.

      After all that has been met, some character is good. I once went to an orgy weekend at a place that was next to a trucking yard (not operated over the week, but also not cute), and in a house that was done out to the gills in the cheapest possible Millennial Grey floors, furnishings, appliances, etc. Not an especially relaxing, private or sensual place for a weekend devoted to pleasure. I always aimed for rentals by water, like a lake or the ocean. Really fun for skinny dipping and nice to be around.

      I genuinely could keep going on ideal orgy rental specs.

      Reply ↓
          1. Nobby Nobbs*

            Outside of what you’ve already said, what orgy weekend details/headaches are most surprising to non event planners? I’m not much of an organizer, so I love hearing about the things that make you go “oh yeah, that would have a lot of logistics behind it!”

            I hear you on the hot tubs. My interest in them peaked as an immortal teen who never thought about germs and has been on a steady decline ever since. Shudder.

            Reply ↓
            1. bamcheeks*

              We went to an AirBnB glamping pod with a hot tub a couple of years ago because my kids requested it, and me and my partner tried it for five minutes and were like, how is this not just sitting in someone else’s bath water?

              Reply ↓
                1. Nobby Nobbs*

                  A pool has a pee-to-water ratio that I can tolerate. An ocean or lake? Even better. A hot tub? NOPE!

            2. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

              One thing that comes to mind is that BDSM people are the WORST to organize with. By BDSM people, I mean people who were part of pre-existing BDSM groups or were in ongoing power exchange relationships. If that applies to you, yes, I mean you.

              Unsurprisingly, people who have a deep interest in power and control over others often have issues with power and control over others. If someone was going to complain about having to share a bed (told beforehand, fair policy, ticket price lower for shared beds), it was the BDSM types. Food, activities, the way the wifi password was given out, no smoking on the property, how the weekend was scheduled, banned practices: if there was something to complain about the BDSM people would complain about it. I think it has to do with attending these weekends inherently involving giving some degree of power over to me. Not Being The Guy In Charge often made BDSM people uncomfortable in a way that was hard for them to acknowledge, and would come out sideways. For example, I’m the one buying yogurt for breakfasts, and so while you’ve told me that you need a vegetarian high protein breakfast, I’m likely not able to buy the exact brand of Greek yogurt you prefer. Even when they intellectually knew this, things like Wrong Yogurt made BDSM people very prickly, and that was expressed as accusations that I personally was against them. Nope, just trying to make a living and buying yogurt in bulk at Costco.

              It came up less, but there was a degree of power exchange couples being weird about giving up power to attend a weekend. I had several BDSM people tell me they were too famous to attend a weekend. One person from a BDSM couple would reply for both, and didn’t like being told that I needed to hear from both (I used google forms a lot, and literally needed an entry for each attendee to track with). There were sometimes issues with protocols a couple had, like a member of the couple could partner up with another attendee if and only if certain criteria were met, and the criteria not being met. I think those issues mostly came up out of hurt feelings, which wasn’t exclusive to BDSM couples.

              The most annoying thing about BDSM people, and a huge part of why I stopped doing orgy weekends, is that local groups felt they should have some form of power or say over events in their area. Organized BDSM is very hierarchical: there are formal title contests, like beauty pageants but for how very BDSM you are. A lot of value is place on time spent attending public events, being having membership in organized social clubs, and, tbh, dating the right people. They’re also quick to condemn: you should not only have the right politics, but you should be seen doing right actions, and any upset from anyone around any part of the orgy planning (not just attendees!) was harm.

              As you might be able to tell, I am not very hierarchically inclined and am a specific flavor of person, and so was not a member of clubs/titleholder when I started doing orgy weekends. This *enraged* a few local BDSM leaders. One leader, bless her heart, told me that she was Thee Regional BDSM person and that since we weren’t friends, there was no way I could be trusted to safely (BDSM often has some specific skills) host an orgy weekend. And also that I was an jerk for wanting to do it for profit.

              I ran this business on a very small scale, and was very focused on providing quality experiences for people. Trying to do that while also dealing with campaign from Thee Regional BDSM person on a couple social media platforms, through word of mouth, and I think flyers at one point? was too much.

              Thanks for the prompt to write all that out, that was cathartic!

              Reply ↓
              1. Silvercat*

                oof. I totally believe that and it’s a major reason I’m real hesitant to get back into the scene since I’ve moved. The bigger and older any group is, the more of a pain in the ass it gets

                Reply ↓
                1. GrumpyPenguin*

                  I’m a bit late to the comments, but here is how I experienced it. Of course everyone can be an entitled jerk, but 90% of all the people who behave like that are “professional” (male) doms. By “professional” I mean their whole personality is defined by being dominant and they tend to expect obedience from everyone, not just their submissive partners. Every conversation turns into a powerplay – it’s really exhausting and a big reason I noped out of the scene. To be honest, most of these Professional Doms are just Missing Stairs on a big power trip.

                  In theory I know they are in the minority, but they are loud and powerful. So many communities are all about hierarchy and formalities and that drives off so many new people.

              4. Sparrow*

                Speaking as someone who is a BDSM person… yeah, this all seems right. Very sorry you had to deal with all of that. From your letter + everything you’ve mentioned in the comments, it seems like you ran amazing events!

                Reply ↓
      2. Hroethvitnir*

        Hey man, if you have some sort of blog where you’d continue talking about this kind of thing I’d definitely read it!

        High five at finding a situation that works for you. ^_^

        Reply ↓
      3. Aldabra*

        I personally have no interest in participating in an orgy, but your explanation is fascinating and also demonstrates the applicable skills you have developed.

        Reply ↓
      4. Blarg*

        I am stuck on “fucking hot tub.” Such an interesting part of English, how we use adjectives/modifiers. “Hot tub for fucking” is so profoundly different than “fucking stupid request that makes my job harder hot tub.” (Or, I suppose, “fucking stupid request that makes my job harder hot tub for fucking” which would be peak gross and frustrating). Your writing is a real delight and I am glad you are finding fulfillment in this pre-apocalyptic world of ours!

        Reply ↓
        1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

          I’ve opened the lid on different rental hot tubs where the water was green, yellow and reddish. God, I hate hot tubs.

          Reply ↓
          1. Enai*

            Wait, they don’t drain the water between guests?!? The only time I had a hot tub in a rental, it was a rather large bathtub with air inlets that I filled my own self with fresh bathwater like I would for any bubble bath. Nothing disgusting about that. But weeks old reheated water that isn’t even chlorinated or anything? I’m glad I wasn’t eating when reading this…

            Reply ↓
          2. Lab Snep*

            I work in microbiology, and my biggest piece of wisdom is thus:

            Never go into a hot tub that smells like grapes. That way lies pseudomonas folliculitis.

            Reply ↓
      5. Jojo*

        I’m in logistics, and this is delightful. Which, added on top of this being possibly the best update on AMA ever, has really made my day. Thank you.

        Reply ↓
        1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

          Besides the friendships, the logistics were my favorite part. They were always *so* specific, and always so funny to me.

          Reply ↓
        1. GrumpyPenguin*

          Just like sex on the beach (or any other exotic scenery) – sounds wild and romantic until you get sand in your underwear.

          Reply ↓
    2. Silvercat*

      I’d assume they don’t JUST rent out for adult activities, but there are a good number of things I can think of (besides sex) that would need the AirBnb owner to not be a gossip.

      At a guess, the advantage of an AirBnb over a hotel is space and possibly extra bathrooms (guess based on my experience with a guy who ran a BDSM club out of his duplex)

      Reply ↓
  23. PicklePants*

    I love this update & the advice from Former orgynizer – I need someone like this in my offline life! Kudos for sticking to your own true self, this update makes me happy.

    Reply ↓
  25. Aelswitha*

    What a fantastic update! Somehow I missed the original. Now that I know that orgynizing is a thing I badly want someone to organize one for me and my other friends of a certain age.

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      It’s a fantastic way to spend a weekend with friends, and much less intense than I think people are picturing. I always aimed for intimacy over spectacle, and I think people got a lot out of it.

      Reply ↓
  26. Sigh.*

    Your letter reminds me of the TikTok I saw where the girl came out and said “Look, we all die at the end of this. We all die at the end of this! Do the weird thing.”

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      its surely true!!! if you pay your bills and sleep with peace at night, anything beyond that is frosting.

      Reply ↓
    2. Fluffy Fish*

      Exactly. I tell people this is my first and last time living. The first gives myself the right to grace the second gives myself the right to joy.

      Do your thing. Don’t harm anybody. The end.

      Reply ↓
  27. Suzy Q*

    Everything in this update is delicious! Love this path for you, which will probably be guided by slime molds, about which I know very little but have learned some new things in the comments. May YOU always find the good parking, too!

    Reply ↓
  28. noncommitally anonymous*

    Another slime mold fun fact. An older Californian botanist, Sherwin Carlquist, was noted to be a somewhat messy person. He had, at one point, spilled some coffee on the front passenger carpet in his car and just failed to clean it up. Sometime later, he noticed some growing blobs on said carpet, and, being a biologist, let them grow and continued to observe them. He soon realized it was a slime mold and finally harvested the fruiting body, put it in a jar with preservative and sent it off to a buddy to be identified. It turned out to be a new species of slime mold. Since all new species must be identified with a type locality, i.e., where they were found first, there is a slime mold, I believe with the specific epithet of Carlquistia, with a type locality of “Sherwin Carlquist’s passenger side car mat.”

    Source: after-dinner story from Sherwin.

    P.S. There is a species of some sort of tropical insect with a type locality of such-and-so’s left ear, but that’s a story for another day.

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      That’s fantastic. We’ve identified so few of the existing mushroom sprouting funguses, let alone the slime molds. Every time I go to a local mycological society meeting they announce a new species that they’ve found. The announcement always goes like “This is Mushroom Rick! He’s ever so slightly browner that Mushroom Rob :) “.

      Reply ↓
      1. Pyanfar*

        Just a plug for a board game I bought through Kickstarter (Mycelia) now available via Amazon and private game stores…no relation, just think this crew might get a kick from it!

        Reply ↓
        1. Tiny Soprano*

          Oh my goodness you have just sorted out the final person on my Christmas list! Thank you, kind internet stranger!

          Reply ↓
  29. CareerChanger*

    This is one of my all-time favorite updates! You’re not for everybody and that’s okay. (I think they’re missing out, but that’s just me and maybe I’m not for everybody, either.)

    Reply ↓
  30. Fluffy Fish*

    People can be so weird about the very human, ne entire animal kingdom, activity that is sex.

    Sure depending on where you apply you might choose to be careful but going all in and being frank is just as valid. You have very real work experience. If others want to be weird abotu it that’s their reaction to manage.

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      Nah, I put a pause on traditional jobs. I now work part time at my Men with Cultural Hats job, and teaching people psychedelic mycology. Money’s fine, and I have loads of free time. Plus, I get to hang out with loads of Fun Guys, hahaha.

      Reply ↓
  36. Hroethvitnir*

    Thank you for this update! Definitely the fact it was easy to miss that it was professional *and* would leave a hole in your resume encourages the… less helpful comments.

    In general, I agree it’s not worth including sex related stuff for most people (says the person with sex toy manufacturing on theirs), but it’s also very true that if there is the slightest plausible deniability available for sex negative attitudes online you will get a lot of annoying comments.

    It’s tiresome having to include 1000 addendums, but here we are. A fruitless exercise attempting to have the “your point isn’t wrong, but your whole comment is dripping with judgement” conversation, usually.

    Thank you for updating!

    Reply ↓
  38. fine-tipped pen aficionado*

    Love the energy you’re bringing and very happy for you finding new and exciting paths, orgynizer!!! Thanks so much for updating us.

    Reply ↓
  41. HugeTractsofLand*

    I genuinely love this update and feel like the day just became sunnier. Congratulations on lube-rating yourself from stodgy business expectations!

    Reply ↓
  42. Colorado*

    I have learned so much about slime mold and orgy’s today and that was not on my Bingo card! Such fun!
    OP – you’re a brilliant writer.

    Reply ↓
  43. HA2*

    Looking back on the comments of the original post, so much of the discussion was derailed by people assuming this was a hobby or volunteer occasional thing rather than a full-time business for several years.

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Orgynizer, Retired*

      I coulda given more detail, people coulda had more imagination that orgy weekends can be a legal business.

      Reply ↓
      1. Seashell*

        If you want advice on how to handle a business manner like creating a resume, then it would make sense to explain if something was an actual business or not.

        Reply ↓
  45. BellaStella*

    Broadly to avoid doxing yourself how would you gather 15 people and know it would all work?
    Detailed pre screens on zoom and some forms? Would you ever end up with a rando weirdo that needed to be kicked out?

    Reply ↓
  46. Sharp-dressed Boston Terrier*

    Cards on the table, unashamed and unrepentant: What resources are available for anyone interested in looking into breaking into either orgynizing or niche mycology?

    If, of course, such references are permissible here…

    Reply ↓
  48. Festively Dressed Earl*

    LW, I was going to suggest that Alison interview you for an interesting jobs post – either one qualifies! – but in a way, we’ve been interviewing you in the comments. You’ve become a personal hero to a lot of people today!

    Reply ↓
  49. kicking-k*

    This is one of the most interesting comments threads I recall, and I say this as a person working in a field a long, long way from any of this. I too wish the LW every success, because she sounds awesome and is hilarious!

    Reply ↓
  51. Lizzie (with the deaf cat)*

    Hey, no one seems to have mentioned Lord Running Clam, greatest and most compassionate of all slime moulds, as seen in Philip K Dick’s novel Clans of the Alphane Moon.
    To be fair, Lord Running Clam is from Ganymede and not here on earth, but even so I feel they need a mention.

    Reply ↓
  52. Andi*

    Just chiming in to say OP, I wish I knew you in real life. You sound like someone who would make the most delightful friend in the group chat!

    Reply ↓

Leave a Comment

Before you comment: Please be kind, stay on-topic, and follow the site's commenting rules.
You can report an ad, tech, or typo issue here.

Subscribe to all comments on this post by RSS