update: my boss is resentful when I do well

by Alison Green on December 18, 2024

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer whose boss was resentful when she did well? Here’s the update.

My update is a bit of a mixed bag. I did implement both involving him more and also trying to set better boundaries while I also started job searching in greater earnest, but to make a long story short, he continued to escalate his behavior until I was let go without cause (as he couldn’t find legal cause with my performance or conduct — I was and am good at my job).

On the upside, however, I’ve been in interviews for several roles, all of which pay between 40%-60% more than I was being paid. I’m expecting an offer soon, and simultaneously getting ready to launch a consulting business as a side gig so that I won’t ever feel trapped in a bad situation like that again.

Since being let go, I’ve lost 12 pounds, my resting heart rate has dropped over 10 bpm, I sleep through the night and I don’t have panic attacks anymore. Him firing me was the best thing to happen to me in years. The funny thing is between job searching, launching my business and a couple personal projects, I’m working a lot more than I was, but I’m so much happier and healthier now, both physically and mentally. Not having to walk on eggshells 8 hours a day is like dropping 200 pounds off of my shoulders.

I’ve learned several lessons from this experience. The single biggest one has been the importance of knowing my value and my worth. I didn’t deserve to be his scapegoat for everything wrong in the business, and my market value is obviously a lot higher than what I’d allowed myself to be browbeaten into believing since I’m routinely getting interviews for roles that pay so much more. I’ve been told by more than one recruiter that I shouldn’t accept less than 1.5 times what I was being paid before, as that’s what my skillset is worth.

The second and third lessons I’m taking from this are the importance of spreading my wings to get new experiences instead of staying too much in my comfort zone and the necessity of taking charge of my own development and career — having a second income stream, seeking out roles and courses that let me grow and develop, and finally, not forcing myself to stay in little boxes that I’ve long since outgrown. I am more capable than I give myself credit for, and I need to let myself be a bit more decisive.

Overall, I view this situation as a turning point in my life and career — one where I learned how to treat myself better and respect myself more, and therefore started being treated better by those who remained in my life. I would like to say I won’t ever make the same mistake again, but given that this is the third time in my life where I only realized how abusive a situation was until I got out, I imagine I probably will, but I’ll be better able to handle it next time. I learn slowly sometimes, but I do learn!

You may also like:
{ 13 comments }

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Nicosloanica*

    I’m sorry this happened to you OP but glad you landed on your feet. I don’t understand how many bosses seem to act against their own interests but I guess it’s best to just consider it a bad fit and move on emotionally (second letter to that effect today), which it sounds like you’re doing.

    Reply ↓
  2. Hlao-roo*

    I’m sorry your old boss couldn’t handle your (and your team’s) success :(

    Glad to hear you are feeling much better overall, and I hope you soon have a job that’s a good fit (including a supportive boss instead of a vindictive one)!

    Reply ↓
  3. ferrina*

    Classic case of the Boss’s Ego being the most important thing. It really is walking on eggshells- you are constantly making yourself smaller lest you threaten the Boss’s Ego by (checks notes) doing well at the thing you are paid to do.

    I’m really sorry you went through all that, OP, but so glad that you’ve landed on your feet!

    Reply ↓
  4. FricketyFrack*

    It’s wild to me how many times we see managers (and in this case, the OWNER) willing to shoot themselves in the foot for really stupid reasons. I would be thrilled if I owned a business and my staff was successful without needing me to babysit and this guy is out here firing people for it. Oh well, his loss for sure, and onward and upward (especially financially!) for OP.

    Reply ↓
  6. HugeTractsofLand*

    I’m so happy that you escaped that jerk! It’s funny how you can know that you’re good at your job but still vastly undervalue yourself. I’m glad that the veil has been lifted and you’ve landed on your feet…and I also want to put up a sign at my desk that says “don’t force yourself to stay in little boxes that you’ve long since outgrown,” but that’s more of a hint than my current boss deserves.

    Reply ↓
  7. tina turner*

    This is why it can be good to LOOK AROUND. Getting an offer or obvious good feedback just helps you. And you never know when they might call you later for a different job.
    Some places are close to having another vacancy. Be nice to everyone, even in the parking lot or elevator; you don’t know who they are or what could happen.

    Reply ↓
  8. I'm just here for the cats!!*

    OP I’m so happy for you! This shows how getting out from a bad manager can really change you!

    If you hear anything juicy about the company can you please update us again!

    Reply ↓
    1. I'm just here for the cats!!*

      I have fanfiction in my head that you will get an amazing job at an amazing company. Then that company will buy out his company because he was doing such a bad job!

      Reply ↓
  9. Chauncy Gardener*

    I’m SO happy for you, OP!!! Living well is truly the best revenge. As another legendary OP said “‘Bob’ can suck it”
    Well done!

    Reply ↓
  10. Nah*

    Condolations! (Congratuolences? Congratulations and Condolences, lol.)

    While obviously being out a job is a shitty situation, it definitely sounds like you landed on your feet and I’m so, SO genuinely happy for you that you’re out of that situation. Best of luck with the search, looks like you’re gonna be pretty busy soon!

    Reply ↓
  11. 653-CXK*

    From the time I was let go in May 2018 at ExJob to the time I started work again in March 2019 (ten months) was a huge blessing. I think the real reason I was let go was because upper management wanted to hire younger and cheaper, and they found a person (temp) who could do just that…if they could get rid of the more experienced people. They found their scapegoat – me. Hence, the progressive discipline and then the final meeting with supervisor, manager and HR getting my final paycheck and me turning in laptop and badges.

    Three or four days after I got let go, I felt much, much better. Even when I went to interviews, filled in my job slips for unemployment, or focused getting out of the house, I felt free. No more head games, no more speeding up to fall behind, no more jealousy, and certainly no more drama, including sorties about parking spaces.

    In the best of ironies, ExJob merged with another company and moved away from a state-of-the-art building with front-door public transportation, a huge parking garage, a huge cafeteria, and shops everywhere to a soulless off-the-highway building with no services, a bus that ran once per day, and forced work from home once the pandemic came. In 2023, everyone got the notice that their jobs were being outsourced and would no longer exist.

    Karma came and flicked her eyebrow saucily.

    Reply ↓
    1. 653-CXK*

      One more thing about ExJob: Black Friday – the day after Thanksgiving – was always a prime source of contention. Each year, hundreds of people bid for that spot (sometimes as early as January!), and it almost always ended in a lottery for those people. The topper – management required a skeleton crew of 20%, but except for three times (once because I was impaneled in a jury, and two times because I chose to take it off), I always worked then because the drama was 100% less.

      Reply ↓

Leave a Comment

Before you comment: Please be kind, stay on-topic, and follow the site's commenting rules.
You can report an ad, tech, or typo issue here.

Subscribe to all comments on this post by RSS