update: my interviewer said an employee was unhappy he was interviewing me

by Alison Green on December 24, 2024

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose interviewer said an employee was unhappy he was interviewing her (#3 at the link)? Here’s the update.

What. A. Year.

I took your advice and scheduled another in-person interview that went amazing. The owner was everything I wanted, yet nothing that I expected. After meeting him in person, I quickly realized that this job would be exactly what I wanted and needed, despite some potential pushback. More responsibility, more freedom, more education. After our first in-person interview, he asked that we meet again with his wife (who I assumed was the one who had a problem with me coming on board) and I was pleasantly surprised to find out she was ecstatic to have me come on board. She felt he needed help for a long time. Once I met her, they offered me the job on the spot, and I accepted.

I started in spring and it has been everything I wanted and more. We chatted about the employee who might have a problem with me and he let me know that our jobs wouldn’t really cross, he said she is really good at her job but occasionally helped with some of my tasks prior to me, and he would like to expand and he needs someone in my role full-time. Since then, our relationship has warmed up significantly. I think part of her resistance in the beginning was that she was worried that we would be hiring another person for her to keep an eye on. I feel like she now trusts that she doesn’t have to babysit me and we work well together.

I love everything about my new job. The culture is so different, I went from one place that micromanaged and scrutinized to a place where I am trusted and cherished. It was quite the adjustment at first, I genuinely didn’t know what to do with a boss who trusted that I was working and trusted me to manage my schedule appropriately. It’s been fantastic, the additional responsibility was exactly what I needed and what I had been looking for. Within six weeks, I was getting praise from almost everyone in the company stating how much of an asset I have become. The owner and his wife constantly sing my praises. I received a raise within my first four months.

Now, here is the thing. This job not only changed the trajectory of my life but it SAVED my life. After six weeks here, I had (what I thought) was an irritating consistent issue pop up that ultimately led me to the hospital. Went in for one thing, and during the treatment of what we thought was a completely minor, normal issue, led to me being rushed to another trauma one center and under a severe stroke watch for three weeks. I missed an entire month just six weeks after starting. The whole time I just cried and cried, thinking I would lose my job. My team was so supportive and considerate. I got nice messages from my boss during my healing that helped me with my anxiety and let me actually focus on healing.

I say this job saved my life because my boss was encouraging me to do what I needed to feel better before we even knew about the more serious issue. If I was at my old company, I would’ve never felt comfortable taking time off to go to the hospital, which means they never would have found the main issue. I could have, quite literally, suddenly died on a job site and I firmly believe that the pressure from the bosses would’ve led me to force myself to keep working instead of taking care of myself. Conversations about people faking sick were constant. And one of the reasons i started a job search was because someone high up in the company consistently lied about me missing work. Claiming I missed weekly with illness. Not true, at all. If I was still there, the pressure to perform while ill would have literally killed me.

I have had an exceptional amount of time to think about everything that transpired this year and the course of events that got me to where I am. What happened to me was traumatic, and I am forever changed, but I would have been dead if I had not taken your advice and started in this job. I was ready to run away and stay in my old role because I was too scared. It might sound dramatic, but I am truly lucky and beyond grateful to have been encouraged to trek on with the interview. I am still healing, emotionally and physically, and it will be a long process. But I am here. And that is what matters *sobs hysterically while typing this because of gratitude*.

Thank you so much. To you and your readers. This answer to my question, in a random to everyone but me way, literally saved my life.

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{ 34 comments }

{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

  2. FionasHuman*

    I’m so happy for you! — and for Alison, because this has to be affirming as hell for her to read. Thank you for making the effort to update us, and best wishes for a long, healing-filled life.

    Reply ↓
    1. Kat*

      oh wow. thanks so much for writing in with such an amazing update. you deserve everything to be great ❤️ your description of the difference between the two jobs was so spot on for how my year went… thank you for that.

      Reply ↓
  19. Artemesia*

    With all those red flags I would have advised backing out and Alison was so much more perceptive. And like you I would have assumed it was the wife of the boss and yet it wasn’t. Kudos for pushing ahead and finding out it was not what you feared. So glad you are out of that house of bees and into a place where you can shine.

    And wonderful that in this time there are still workplaces that stand by someone with a medical crisis. When I was a kid my Dad was off for 3 mos — 6 weeks in the hospital — after a near fatal reaction to penicillin. The company (Boeing) paid him the whole time and he was loyal to them his entire career. (it breaks my heart to see what the bean counters who took over the company have done to it and to air safety). to get that support early on is wonderful.

    Reply ↓
  21. Three Flowers*

    Thank you Alison for this Hanukkah miracle/Christmas present/Solstice reminder that we are, on a long night, halfway out of the dark.

    OP, I’m so happy for you, and wishing you more healing in 2025!

    Reply ↓
    1. Esprit de l'escalier*

      What an unexpected turn your update took! It’s so great that you were at NewJob when it really mattered. I’m so happy for how it turned out for you and I wish you a very healthy and healing 2025.

      Reply ↓
  23. econobiker*

    Old job was a piece of manure!

    “Conversations about people faking sick were constant. And one of the reasons i started a job search was because someone high up in the company consistently lied about me missing work. Claiming I missed weekly with illness. Not true, at all. ”

    How/why would someone lie about something that so easily could be proven false? What a TOXIC person!

    Reply ↓

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