Ask a Manager

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are five updates from past letter-writers.

1. Should I tell my boss I want his job? (#5 at the link)

I did take your advice and tell him that I’d like to be in a position like his. He pretty much ignored me, probably due to a combination of things: 1. he is the most passive boss I’ve ever had, and when he doesn’t have an answer he does nothing, and 2. the organization is weighed down by bureaucracy and politics and I don’t think he saw me as having the temperament to thrive in that environment. I mostly stayed in my very specialized lane with a few high profile projects to keep me in everyone’s good graces, and tried to convince myself to adapt to the culture and be happy with my big check and pension.

Eventually, a private employer from my industry reached out to me with a killer job offer on the recommendation of a former mentor. After months of back and forth I left my cushy job to go back to the fast pace, and I love it. Get this — I’m an “ideas guy!” They exist! My job is literally to know things and strategize. It’s amazing, and I still get to help people and the environment — something that is almost unheard-of from a private entity in this field.

I do want to note that I want to continue to improve. The timing of this job was pretty great, but I do think it got me out of doing the work of following up with my boss and advocating for myself at a higher level, which are skills that I want to develop.

Thank you for your advice. I’ve learned a lot from your blog over the years, and whenever I send a particularly delicate or well-worded email and people compliment me I send them to your website and tell them to learn from you =).

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my new title and pay are several steps higher than what I was shooting for with my former boss’ job. When I left, he jokingly asked if I would hire him (nope).

2. Does it look unprofessional to have an energy drink at my desk every day?

Last year I wrote to you to ask about the optics of drinking an energy drink in the office. You and the commenters helped me feel a lot more prepared and confident starting this new job!

In the comments, I mentioned that part of my concern was that I expected to commute by motorcycle, and thought the combination might give a bad impression. Both factors turned out to be a complete non-issue, to my relief. I realize that stereotypes about the field made me anticipate a much more formal company culture than what it’s actually like.

Almost everyone is fully remote – the office is only open about 2 days per week for tasks that can only be done on-site – and I vastly overestimated how often I would be in the office after my training period ended, so barely anyone has any idea what I’m drinking during the day. The reactions to me commuting by motorcycle have been overwhelmingly positive. In particular, it seems that other women are especially excited to see a woman on a bike, and I always get all kinds of compliments and questions on the occasions I work on-site.

I’m still at this job, and I am loving it so far. About a year in, I received a pay bump and additional responsibilities in anticipation of getting a title change down the line. My manager here has probably been the best I have ever worked with, and I get the sense that this promotion is not typical and that he really went to bat for me to get on track for it. I’m very grateful for his support, both day to day and with regards to career growth.

(Additionally, just a few months after starting this job, my partner and I got married, and just a few months ago I finished the degree I was working on. I’m planning to start my masters degree in Spring of next year!)

3. My ex-employer included a message in an email that I wasn’t supposed to see (#2 at the link)

My update is very dull compared to the juice I like to read on AAM! I apologized to Caroline for the cc’ing and explained that I was feeling insignificant and pretty insecure about being laid off at such an old age. She accepted my apology and was very understanding.

I appreciated your answer and the people who commented to suggest I should step back a bit, get on with the practical, and remember that there were hundreds of other people HR had to deal with (that suggestion was such a great reminder). Thanks! It was a very good attitude adjustment/ wake-up call to stop being a princess and just steady on.

Ironically, both Caroline and the director who was Zooming in at my lay-off meeting were both also canned within the next eight months. Reminded me of the Joker’s treatment of his heist team in The Dark Knight. As well, more than half of my former department was just ‘let go’ this past summer. I work in an industry whose C-suites are going all-in for AI to replace their human workforce. It’s incredibly disheartening.

Thanks again for the practical advice and the understanding, to you and the commentariat.

4. Potential job wants me to tell my current job I’m interviewing with them

I had a second interview before this published and they again asked if I thought there would be bad blood. I said that no, I didn’t think there would be but I needed to wait until I had an offer to say anything. They asked again later in the interview about potential bad blood. That, combined with the less than stellar benefits info they gave me, had me feel good about withdrawing from the hiring process.

I did still want to find a new job and a few months after this was published I found a job that was right up my alley and would be a huge promotion in title and pay. The job was halfway across the country (I was in the midwest and this job was in a coastal state), but it seemed worth it. So I packed up my life and moved 2000 miles for the job! I’ve been at it now for a little over a month and it’s been going really well. I am getting recognized for my skills and hard work and enjoying the day-to-day aspects, none of which was occurring at my last place.

I did leave things in a really good place with the COO and CEO. They were both very proud of me for getting this job and absolutely no bridges were burned. My new company has now actually decided to work with the vendor I interviewed with which is great as there were no hard feelings there when I withdrew my candidacy.

5. Coworkers want to ask about my weight loss (#2 at the link)

Not much of an update, I’m happy to report. I received very few more questions, however, and I used your phrasing. My coworkers took the hint and it’s now not mentioned :)