CEO shared family trip photos after announcing budget cuts, new hire aggressively compliments our work, and more

by Alison Green on January 17, 2025

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. CEO shared family trip photos after announcing budget cuts

We just had a company-wide town hall, and the CEO — whom I’ve always known to be even-tempered and generally reasonable — kicked things off by sharing a recap and photos of his recent Disney World trip with 20 family members. This comes shortly after we were told about budget cuts, no bonuses, and rising health insurance costs that are eating into our modest merit increases. Needless to say, vacations aren’t exactly top of mind for most of us right now. Was this tone-deaf? Or am I overreacting?

It was tone-deaf.

Most people have no interest in seeing the CEO’s family trip photos at the best of times! Displaying the photos at all is weirdly self-centered for a town hall. But doing it right after announcing bad financial news is astonishingly out of touch.

2. Struggling new hire won’t stop aggressively complimenting our work

I work in a 30-person department in a much larger 10,000-person organization. The department is divided into several smaller teams with individual supervisors and team leads in addition to the more junior folk, and I’m the departmental manager.

We have a recent hire who is struggling performance wise. We have them on a PIP and are doing all we need to there. Some of the areas of improvement are really, really basic (and this is not an entry-level position) like “respond to colleagues’ email questions” and don’t no-show meetings. They don’t have much in the way of skills yet in the position either. I share this for context, that this employment relationship is really not going well. They also don’t have much grasp of organizational norms like not asking the CEO for direction on a project directly in the bathroom.

Yet this person loves to give work-related compliments. Daily “I’m so impressed by the quality of your work on this project” type of comments to me, who is more senior and decades more experienced than them. “I am struck by how passionate and hard-working this team is. Well done” after their colleagues have completed a project they had nothing to do with. Occasionally, this is peppered with unasked for, lengthy feedback on projects they had nothing to do with, with wacky suggestions for improvement. These have been easier to deal with directly.

The compliments, however, appear awkward for folks on the receiving end. I’ve noticed the immediate team barely responds anymore. It feels like this is the individual’s attempt to dominate and exert authority in areas where, frankly, they have no subject knowledge. How would you respond?

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” That’s it.

It’s possible that it’s an attempt to assert authority where they have none (the unsolicited feedback on projects they’re not involved with certainly sounds like that), but it’s also possible that they know they’re flailing and are looking for some way to better enmesh with the team / be liked / contribute something people will appreciate. It’s the wrong way to do it, but I’d look at it as an additional facet of the incompetence you’re seeing in other areas. They’re not reading situations well, they probably sense that on some level, and they’re trying to fix it … just badly.

If they were otherwise a promising employee and the inappropriate compliments were affecting their working relationships or the way they were perceived, it would be a kindness to talk to them about it. But since this is the least of the issues you’ve got to tackle with this person, a quick “thanks, appreciate it” is the way to go.

3. Calling out your company on social media

Last week Meta announced some changes to their free speech policies, including some quite awful examples of posts they will now allow, which include things like calling immigrants “dirt” and describing homosexually as a mental illness. I don’t work for Meta, but I saw a post from a connection of a connection on LinkedIn who does work there. She’s written a long and (in my view) well-argued post, criticizing the new policy and outlining the harm to marginalized communities, including the LGBT+ community she’s a member of. Frankly I wish more people were as brave as her in calling out the terrible practices of their companies.

She has not put anything about her intention to leave, but my question is: is someone working for an organization as big and as politically influential as Meta risking their job by publicly criticizing their company on an issue like this? In my view it’s not the same as airing your office’s dirty laundry — it’s not like she’s posting about her boss Gary who she’s fallen out with. And these are major changes that will likely affect her community, maybe her personal online safety, and are quite obviously politically driven. But of course she is calling into question the wisdom of her organization’s leadership and the decisions of her colleagues, even if they are people she doesn’t know personally. What do you think?

Yes, there’s some risk to her job. Not necessarily the “call you into HR and fire you today” kind of risk, but the risk that she’ll be more likely to end up on lay-off lists? Or not be promoted into a higher-level position she might want at some point? Absolutely. (In theory there’s also the “fire you today” kind of risk, but she hopefully has enough of a read on the politics of her workplace to know whether that’s likely or not.)

It’s also true that the larger the company and the more they’re used to being part of the public dialogue (as Meta is, and especially right now), the more they’re probably used to these kinds of internal discussions playing out publicly and the less jarring it may feel internally.

4. My boss calls me, and only me, by my last name

I have been employed at my current company for 20+ years. My manager and I share the same first name. In one-on-one conversations or emails, he refers to me by my first name. In all other instances, he calls me by my last name. Others are starting to pick up on this during team meetings and they do the same. He only does this to me — everyone else is on a first name basis. It makes me feel disrespected. What is a good way to tell him this bothers me? And should it bother me?

I don’t know that he’s doing it to disrespect you, but you’re allowed to prefer being called by your first name!

My guess is that because you share a name, he might be trying to distinguish between the two of you. Obviously when he’s the one speaking, it’ll be obvious that when he says Lucien, he’s referring to the Lucien who is not him (unless he has a habit of talking about himself in the third person). But maybe he’s hoping that if he uses your last name, others will pick up on it (as they are) and it will cut down on confusion about which Lucien is being referenced when others talk. I don’t know — just a guess. Regardless, you can absolutely say to him, “I noticed you often call me Mackelberry instead of Lucien. I really prefer Lucien.”

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{ 35 comments }

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    A reminder: We’ve had a recent increase in trolling here, and you can help me by NOT RESPONDING to it. Instead, please flag the comment for me (to do that, reply with a link, which will send your comment to moderation so I’ll see it) and I’ll take care of it. If you want, you can respond “reported” so people know it’s been dealt with and isn’t just being allowed to stand. But please do not engage. Thank you.

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  2. Daria grace*

    #2, this person could be trying to assert authority but my guess is they knew they need to do things differently at work, went looking for advice in suboptimal places and have misapplied scripting and advice to a situation it really wasn’t intended for.

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    1. Artemesia*

      They are more likely to want to appear with it and connect with people and it is one more example of their basic social ineptness.

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  3. Greyhound*

    #1 ugh, yet another example of how oblivious people can be to the financial circumstances of those well off than they are. It’s pervasive and infuriating.

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    1. D*

      I had to listen to my grandboss this week talk about how sad it was that our EVP lost his home in the Pacific Palisades fire.

      Several of our entry level coworkers had to evacuate.

      I think the EVP will be fine.

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      1. Artemesia*

        Did the entry level folks have their homes also burn? If so, then tone deaf — but if not then, well no matter how rich you are having your home burn to the ground probably with a lifetime of irreplaceable personal items is pretty awful.

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        2. The Prettiest Curse*

          Yeah, I feel bad for anyone who loses their home. I do feel a lot less bad for rich people, who are likely to have more than one home and a much easier time rebuilding or relocating, but anyone whose house burns down will have lost something irreplaceable.

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          1. Yvette*

            I once worked with someone who’s house burnt to the ground. She said it was like her entire past had been erased. No photos no childhood keepsakes no momentous from trips.

            Reply ↓
      2. Roland*

        Idk, I think having your home burn down really sucks for everyone. It probably is a more precarious situation for entry-level workers, but it does still suck for the EVP.

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      3. Leenie*

        Please don’t do this. It sounds like you might be in LA. Being here, it has royally sucked to hear, mostly from right wingers and people in other areas of the country, how the ”rich” people of the Palisades deserve what they got. I don’t need to see this kind of callousness here. It is a tragedy to lose your home, your old photos, most of the physical manifestations of your memories. It incredibly sad that the EVP lost his home. It is incredibly sad that most of the homes in that community were incinerated. Please do not diminish this tragedy because some (not all) of the people who were impacted are financially well off.

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    2. Daria grace*

      #1. Why do they do that? I once had senior leaders who would tell us all about their nice holidays and about how important it was that we all used our leave to take a break. Problem was, not only did they not pay us well, they were super unreasonable about granting leave requests. Like even with 6 months notice single day leave requests that weren’t around public holidays often got declined. That executive may have regretted putting a note about how he welcomes feedback in the end of his email….

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    3. Palmer*

      I think I’d talk to my coworkers and make a case as a group that it is incredibly disheartening and seriously undermines morale for leadership to make such a serious misstep that injures the business. It’d probably result in pizza parties, but it’d definitely send a message to said executive to never do that again. It might also result in some better conditions or folks to find better jobs rather than benefit that piece of work.

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    4. English Rose*

      Yes, my friend’s CEO – similar situation to OP with budget cuts, layoffs etc – recorded a Christmas message to staff which included a tour of his Georgian mansion…

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  4. Denny O.*

    I still remember our all staff virtual (required) meeting in 2021. It was informative and also “fun”. The fun part, six slides presentations of various locations. Each presented by a senior manager. Of course, they either visited the place or were from there! #1 definitely hits close to home.

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    1. D*

      One executive introduced himself by telling us the fun fact that his ten year old daughter had been to more than 30 countries already.

      The relatable factor failed. Just don’t do the introduction slides if they’re going to look like this.

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  5. AnneCordelia*

    Ha ha, only budget cuts, and only Disney World? That’s tame. My husband’s boss shared photos of her family’s cruise to Antarctica, at an all-staff meeting, not long after a major staff layoff. So more like an all-that-was-left staff meeting. When she saw the looks that she was getting, she tried to backpedal and said how it was a “once in a lifetime” trip.

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  7. Artemesia*

    I love to travel, to talk about travel and share my pictures of travel — and am well aware how boring this is to people who don’t share the passion or have the opportunity to do this. We used to have a dinner party where we would just invite fellow travelers (hmmm) to bring their photos on a data stick and we would set the TV up to have revolving slide shows of everyone’s recent travels — and it was great fun during cocktails to look at them and then share anecdotes at dinner. Other people really really don’t want to hear it.

    To actually show pictures to the worker bees when you are a manager and paid enough to travel and supervise people who really are not, is a level of insensitive that is stunning.

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  8. nnn*

    Wasn’t there a letter recently about a manager asking “permission” to require their employee with whom they shared a first name to go by their last name?

    I wonder if #4 is that employee?

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  9. cncx*

    I still remember the sting after getting a bonus cut across the board (not for performance, the whole company) and seeing the flight itinerary of a senior manager I really liked (who was a good guy and a good manager!) who was taking the whole family in first, not business, to Mauritius. And I liked him. And it was an accident. I can’t imagine being told about it in a meeting.

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    1. Chocolate Teapot*

      I remember the post on here in which the new CEO tried to bond with his new employees by presenting a slide show at a town hall meeting featuring his hobby vineyard and how he understood about hard work by caring for his horses.

      Unsurprisingly it was not a success. And the wine was awful.

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  10. Hair in my soup*

    #2 Is making me wonder why the person was hired in the first place considering OP said the position was “not entry level” and that “they don’t have much in the way of skills yet in the position”.

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    1. LadyAmalthea*

      I am going to guess they used the type of compliment language really well in the interview and it worked. I’ve worked with enough people who’ve used buzzwords instead of competence to get by for far longer than reasonable.

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    3. Myrin*

      I understood that as “they should’ve learned some new skills which come with this position by now but they haven’t”.

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  11. In the fire zone*

    I tried about three times to respond to some comments about #1, but I realize I think it’s best if I just post my own comment without replying to others.

    Obviously the CEO in # 1 is tone deaf. But also as someone who lives close to the fires and knows a lot of people devastated by them across class and income bracket – Your sense of security in a fire, your attachment to your home and the things in it are not class based. Feeling devastated because you be lost everything – thats okay to feel if you’re rich. This isn’t the French Revolution. It’s an historically devastating fire.

    Should the tone deaf CEO show pics of his vacation? No. Can people of any income bracket be allowed to feel the devastation of a fire? Yes.

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  12. La*

    agree.
    What I find particularly tone deaf is the poor mouthing about expenses…and then either telling and/or showing examples of said expenses, most of which are either significantly more expensive for your less well paid employees and/or objectively not necessities by any stretch of the imagination.

    Actually, what I think is even more tone deaf and offensive is telling people to buy expensive things because they are better and criticizing people for not managing their money better so they can have these and other things.

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    1. In the Fire zone*

      Just to be clear I am 100% on board with all these points. It’s the fire points that I bristle at.

      People who preach “pay yourself first” as a judgment or whatever who don’t understand that people don’t always have money to pay themselves first is an issue. That’s a very privileged position.

      Opinions on how people should manage their money is the biggest pet peeve of all for me. People who say that seem to think if you don’t have your coffee everything will be fine. And they also want to begrudge you your coffee and judge you if you give yourself a treat. There is such a bunch of bs there around how you aren’t allowed to enjoy life ever that I find hard to express my anger about.

      But people can be devastated losing their homes. Regardless of their whether they are rich.

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  13. Emmy Noether*

    #2 made me think about what are the general unspoken rules around praise and compliments about work at work. It seems to me that:

    1) compliments/praise should be true and adressed to the deserving person
    2) flowing down the hierarchy is almost always appropriate
    3) someone leading a project can praise contributions to the project
    4) more generally, if you asked someone to complete a task for you, you can praise the execution of said task
    5) you can compliment colleagues’ projects that are presented to you, but have to be careful to not come off condescending or otherwise tone deaf
    6) complimenting up the hierarchy is tricky. Appropriate when feedback is explicitly sought, and/or pertaining specifically to their leadership of you. Better in private than public.

    The new hire in the letter is failing at the nuance required for 5 and 6 specifically.

    For context, I’m from a very low-praise culture. We have a saying that roughly translates to “no criticism is enough praise”, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard my direct manager praise anybody in public. Praise is therefore very valuable and appreciated, but it also makes misplaced praise stand out even more.

    The US is a high-praise culture, so the rules probably allow for more of it in all directions? Or not? What are your impressions of what the rules are or should be?

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    1. Nebula*

      This compliment/praise thing is timely for me, because at the end of a one-on-one meeting yesterday, I complimented the work the person I was meeting had done on a particular project and I think I misjudged it. My intention was just to compliment her in a peer-to-peer way – she’s way further ahead on the work than other people and what she’s done is really good – but I think this falls into 5 on your list there: it came across as condescending. She thanked me but seemed a bit surprised/odd and I think it was because it seemed like I was taking a position of being above her? Ah well, these things can be so hard to judge.

      Reply ↓

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