coworker keeps making minor corrections to my work, CEO wants us the company logo on our butts, and more

by Alison Green on January 1, 2025

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.

1. My coworker keeps making minor corrections to my work

I am experiencing a weird feedback situation at work and don’t know how to handle it. One of my coworkers, Jane, frequently corrects me on how I’m doing my job. It will be small things, like nitpicking on how I answer the phone, and it is usually delivered in a condescending tone: “I don’t know if you know this…” or “I just want you to know we don’t do it that way around here.”

I have never received corrections on any of these things from our shared managers — quite the opposite. I have glowing reviews, am actively encouraged to move up, and have even specifically been told that I have excellent phone manner.

We have the exact same job and title. Jane has been with the company in the exact same department and office location for about 15 years. On the other hand, I have been with the company in two locations and three departments over the course of about a year and a half. Neither of us has supervisory responsibilities, and at our company, seniority doesn’t mean much unless you’re being considered for a promotion.

I’m not afraid of feedback — if any of our managers were coming to me with these concerns, I would take it seriously and adjust my behavior. But she’s not my manager, and I don’t answer to her! Am I correct in thinking that I don’t have to do what she says? Should I speak to her directly? Should I speak to our manager? I do my job extremely well and I just want the commentary to stop.

If you were absolutely sure she was wrong, I’d suggest saying something like, “Thanks, but I think my way is fine.” And then if it continued, “You’ve been giving me a lot of input on how I do my job, but I’ve talked with (manager) and she’s really happy with my work. I’d prefer you give me the same leeway she does.” You could add, “Of course, if something seems really serious to you, I’d understand you flagging that, but I’d think that would be very rare.”

But first it’s worth checking if she could be right about some of this stuff. The fact that your manager is happy with your work doesn’t preclude the possibility that she’d want you doing these small things differently if she knew about them. Or Jane could be completely off-base (and I’m inclined to think she is, just by your description). But it might be useful to talk with your manager and say something like, “Jane has been correcting me on things like X, Y, and Z. I think my way of doing those things is effective, but I wanted to check in with you to make sure there’s not something I’m missing.” Then, assuming your manager backs you up, you can use the language in my previous paragraph with confidence.

– 2019

2. My coworker talks like a toddler

I work as an admin in a pretty small company, and I’m one of the youngest people in my office. Some of my coworkers have kids my age. One of my coworkers, “Linda,” is an older woman and has been here for a long time. She is a nice enough person and a decent worker. My problem with her is she constantly uses what I would call childish language.

For example, instead of saying, “I think we mixed up the dates on last month’s reports,” she’ll say “I think we made an uh-oh on last month’s reports.” And instead of saying, “I cut my finger on a stapler,” she’ll say “I got a boo boo on my finger.” A lot of the time, when she is taking a break to use the restroom, she’ll say she’s going to “make a tinkle” or “go potty.” And so on and so on. She talks like this constantly and, as far as I can tell, it’s not directed at any one person. It seems to be just how she is no matter who she’s talking to.

On one hand, this is the kind of thing I feel like I should just let go. One the other hand, I cringe when we’re in a meeting and she talks this way in front of clients or our bosses. We work in a very distinguished field (think like legal or medical) so coming off as professional is very important.

Although none of the bosses have said anything to Linda to my knowledge, I do worry that she makes us look a little unprofessional sometimes, particularly when we’re around clients. I’d like to say something myself to her, as we have a good working relationship, but I’m not sure how to say, “Can you please talk like an adult?” Should I say anything to her and, if so, how do I phrase it?

While this sounds incredibly off-putting, it’s not yours to fix! If you were her boss, you should absolutely say something. If you were her peer and she was talking to your clients that way, you’d have standing to address it. The people who have standing in this situation to address it have inexplicably chosen not to, and as the admin, it’s just not yours to handle.

Since you don’t have standing to address it, I’d say sit back and enjoy the entertainment of having a colleague who talks like a toddler and an office full of coworkers straight out of the Emperor’s New Clothes. (That doesn’t mean that you can’t call it out when it happens in a one-on-one conversation with you, though. There’s no reason you can’t say dryly, “I think you mean a mistake” when she refers to an “uh-oh” or so forth.)

– 2019

3. My CEO wants us to wear pants with the company logo on the butt

Instead of printing company t-shirts, my CEO wants to be unique by making company pants — with the company logo displayed on the bum! I thought he was joking but he says he is 100% serious. As a woman with dignity and class, I am wholeheartedly against the idea. I don’t think I would even have to list my reasons. Still, I conducted a random poll among several women in the company just to be certain I’m not alone. Not surprisingly, they all protested vehemently. My CEO is travelling at the moment and will be away for the next few weeks, so my response to him would have to be via email. How do I tell him in unequivocal terms that this is a Very Bad Idea?

(For your reference, I am in my 20s and I am the operations manager. My CEO is also in his 20s.)

“Hey Bob, I think we need to reconsider this. I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing these and feel pretty strongly that it’s inappropriate, and a quick survey of other women on staff indicates that that sentiment is widespread. At a minimum, you’re going to get a lot of people unwilling to wear them, but beyond that I think we’d be making a lot of employees uncomfortable. Can we stick with shirts?”

– 2014

4. My coworkers keep asking “who’s in here?” in the bathroom

My office restroom has the usual share of problems, but I’m finding that I keep running into one that causes me more grief than others. For context, I have a medical condition that requires frequent and sometimes lengthy trips to the restroom. Quite a few people around the office know about it, as I also need to take time off every couple months for treatment and I sometimes mention it in passing. I have already set up reasonable accommodations involving these restroom trips with HR, so no worries there.

The problem is that many of my fellow lady coworkers use the restroom as a sort of hangout spot. People will either stand by the sinks and chat, or even carry on conversations while all parties are in the restroom stalls. These conversations are about everything from personal life events, to complaints about others in the office, to private customer information. When one of the speakers realizes that they are not alone in the restroom, they either stop talking abruptly, comment on the extra person and laugh about it, or ask the dreaded question: “Who else is in here?”

I can’t stand this. My choices feel like they’re limited to 1) staying quiet and seeming creepy or 2) sheepishly identifying myself and dealing with the embarrassment. I’ll frequently hear jokes when I go to wash my hands that “I’m eavesdropping.” When I hear certain people enter the restroom, my heart sinks because I know that they’re going to continue their conversation and I’ll eventually be involved whether I like it or not.

If I ran the country, I’d make the question “Who’s in here?” illegal in all public restrooms. Since I can’t do that, what can I do? I don’t want to take away people’s freedom to chat, but I’m tired of feeling like an unwanted presence in my own company restroom. Is there any way to get a little bathroom etiquette going?

I think that when you’re in a bathroom stall, you’re entitled to the illusion of a sound barrier, and therefore you are not obligated to respond to queries directed your way from outside the stall. In other words, stay quiet if you want to! But I can understand why you might feel too weird doing that, you could try “Someone using a toilet!” or even “Ugh, let’s not roll-call who’s on the toilet.”

And once you come out and reveal yourself, feel free to say, “I prefer to believe there’s a sound barrier in bathroom stalls, where noise doesn’t travel in or out.”

– 2019

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{ 165 comments }

{ 165 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Gazza1990*

    OK when I read the title I was expecting a story where the CEO was expecting everyone to get a tattoo of the company’s logo on their asses!

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        1. Rainy*

          To be clear, I wouldn’t get the Hasbro logo, I’d get the cutie mark for my favourite MLP! But sure, Hasbro could pay for it ;)

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    2. Aphrodite*

      So did I. I admit I was relieved to see it was something else though I had a bit of fun imagining Alison’s answer if I had been right. I only hope the CEO didn’t say, “Oh, okay, how about if we put the name and logo across the top part of the chest.”

      Reply ↓
      2. Oolie*

        I would come right out and say, “I don’t think it’s a wise idea to encourage people to stare at our employees’ rear ends “

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      3. BethDH*

        I have to admit I read the letter and my first thought was that I’d be relieved not to have (another) shirt with badly placed lettering across the chest. At least I wouldn’t have to watch people while they stared at it.

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    3. Green great dragon*

      Being British and not having had coffee yet, I got a long way into that letter thinking CEO wanted branded underwear.

      I was thinking that it wasn’t so bad as long as no-one checked whether you were wearing it, but horrific if anyone did check.

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    6. Anonymous for this one*

      Related story:

      I used to work for a library that was developing a book recommendation app. They decided to name the app “Gimme,” as in “give me a good book to read.” For the launch, library leadership ordered t-shirts that we were all supposed to wear. Unfortunately, those t-shirts all said “GIMME” in enormous letters right across the boobs.

      I don’t think they thought that promotion all the way through.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rainy*

        I wouldn’t even wear my last institution’s branded move-in-week tees because they said VOLUNTEER across the back and I wasn’t volunteering, I’d been voluntold.

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      2. Dasein9 (he/him)*

        I am staunchly against child labor, but do think there is probably an ethical way for marketing departments to hire 13 year-olds to run ideas by.

        Reply ↓
    7. PeanutButterSnob*

      I work in a community organization at a location with a large number of sex offenders as clients (different locations have different clientele, and most had a more traditional clientele). One of the supervisors had shirts made that said “what’s your secret sauce?”
      Ummm. No. Just no.
      Supposedly I was the only employee to complain. I highly doubt that. The supervisor tried to write me up so I went two levels over her and I did not have to wear the shirt nor could she write me up for refusing to wear it. I gifted my shirt to a member of our security team.

      Reply ↓
    8. Princess Sparklepony*

      I thought that too!

      But if the boss wants pants, put the logo on the thigh. That should be non-offensive.

      Reply ↓
      2. fhqwhgads*

        The whole time I was reading the letter I kept thinking “it’s a toilet, not a conference room” might be an OK response to the askers.

        Reply ↓
    3. DJ Abbott*

      If they accused me of eavesdropping I’d say, “ I was using the restroom” full stop. I don’t think I could care enough to be worried about how they’d react.

      Reply ↓
    4. JMC*

      Yeah this would irritate me to no end. I will NOT have a conversation of any sort while using the bathroom. And I will not identify myself.

      Reply ↓
      1. Kuddel Daddeldu*

        I might be tempted to find really loud bowel movement/farther noises on the internet and play them.from my phone in a loop until the gossips have enough and vacate the bathroom, but I’m a ten-year-old in a 59yo body.

        Reply ↓
  3. Not your typical admin*

    #2: I wonder if she wasn’t a teacher before changing careers. She reminds me of my mom who has taught elementary her whole career. After teaching in the pubic schools for 30 years, she retired and now teaches part time at a private school; so she’s on year 40. She frequently uses “little kid” phrases. Honestly, when my kids were small I would do the same thing. Now if I use their lingo I get an eye roll and “bruh” as a response.

    As far as it making you look unprofessional, I wouldn’t worry about it. If she was young it could make her look immature, but with her age I think it comes across as just one of her quirks.

    Reply ↓
      2. Glen*

        one day, when someone comes into a public toilet loudly carrying on a phone conversation while I am using it as intended, I am going to make an extremely loud, horrifying noise. It’s genuinely one of the most inconsiderate things I encounter on a semi-regular basis.

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      3. Lizzianna*

        Yup. We are fully engaged in potty training my toddler right now, and the other day I caught myself asking my boss and coworkers if anyone needed to go potty before we got in the car to drive to an event. It was first thing in the morning and that part of my brain hadn’t made the switch.

        Fortunately they all have kids and we had a laugh about it, but that’s not the normal tone I try to strike at the office.

        Reply ↓
        1. fhqwhgads*

          Yeah I’m used to people with small children, myself included, occasionally slipping into that mode with adults, but we always catch it a second after saying it. And then shake it off and laugh. Seems like OP’s coworker’s default mode is this language, not occasionally slipping into it. So seems like something else going on there.

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    2. Barry*

      There’s something very weird to me about an adult woman – in a professional office setting- saying they need to “go potty”. This way of speaking would absolutely grate on me and make me question why no one has asked her not to do that- especially in front of clients?? Emperors new clothes indeed! It’s the missing stair situation- clients and newcomers probably find it odd but it’s dismissed as a quirk and worked around by the staff as it’s been normalised. I imagine privately others feel the same way as the OP but just don’t verbalise it.

      Reply ↓
      1. andy*

        They say nothing because it is harmless. Most people find it weird, but not their problem. t
        Then they get used to it and learn to ignore it, because it is not affecting them in any way.

        Confrontation and telling something negative to coworkers are unpleasant, they risk of alienating others from you. So people figure they don’t have to care and they don’t.

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        1. Yankees fans are awesome*

          Is it “harmless,” though? Using infantalizing language with co-workers is pretty disrespecful, and therefore can affect morale.

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              1. MassMatt*

                Where are you getting this? The LW doesn’t mention the boss’s baby talk harming them. On the contrary, LW says it’s probably something they should let go of.

                I would be irritated by it too, but the only person conceivably harmed by this is the boss.

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          2. Glomarization, Esq.*

            What’s more disrespectful, though? A co-worker saying “potty” and “ouchie,” or confronting that co-worker with a line like, “I think you mean TOILET.”

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              1. Artemesia*

                my father and brother and son in law — all named ‘John’ – really sympathize with all the women they know named ‘Karen.’

                Reply ↓
          4. Tippy*

            well apparently it hasn’t seeing as the lady has been there for a while and no in release seems to notice and/or care. this sounds like a LW problem not a problem the whole office has.

            Reply ↓
        2. Account*

          I agree. Also. I most definitely wouldn’t want to be handed a list of all the things that *I* do that are weird or annoying— and we’ve all got them, whether we know it or not. It would feel like I was declaring open season if I started complaining about someone’s speech patterns.

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        3. hbc*

          I doubt it’s harmless. Someone coming to the meeting while hugging their childhood teddy bear doesn’t technically hurt anybody, but it would be distractingly odd. And given that it’s not just quirky but *childishly* quirky, it could easily affect the perception of the team. Not “I’m cancelling my contract even though they do amazing work,” but it very well might tip the balance with a couple of other small issues.

          I mean, if I was hiring and had two otherwise equal candidates, of course I would go with the person who excused himself to the restroom over the person who excused himself to go tinkle.

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          1. Myrin*

            Yeah, I feel the same. It’s by far not the worst thing I’ve ever heard or encountered, but something doesn’t have to be The Worst to be actively off-putting and make me choose a similar service somewhere else if at all possible.

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          2. JSPA*

            I’d assume they were raising a (grand)child, not code switching well, and I’d make sure not to discriminate on that basis.

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          3. AnReAr*

            I would 100% be avoiding this woman by any means possible. But I do have a specific pet peeve with the word tinkle when it’s used to describe peeing. Don’t know why, but it makes my spine tingle in the worst way like I’m chewing tinfoil, whether it’s written or spoken. It’s somehow fine when using tinkle as onomatopoeia for a noise so it’s definitely psychological. Because they’re situationally related, a lot of the other most cutesy infantilizing words also put me off. Weirdly, little kid language like potty is okay to me. It’s just the baby talk that puts me on edge.

            Bleh, I gotta leave now for some brain bleach.

            Reply ↓
      2. Can’t think of anything clever*

        Saying something like “The stapler gave me an ouchie” doesn’t seem so bad but using preschool terms like “potty” does seem a little too cute for a more adult work setting.

        Reply ↓
          1. Anon Again... Naturally*

            The others I would be able to write off as ‘annoying and childish, but whatever’. If a colleague told me they had to ‘make a tinkle’ I would not be able to suppress my full body cringe.

            Reply ↓
      3. Seashell*

        I wouldn’t use that language myself in the office, but I don’t think it’s that big a deal in an office that isn’t super-fancy/conservative. Some people prefer not to say bathroom or restroom, so maybe she looked for an alternative and landed on potty.

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        1. Yankees fans are awesome*

          “Comfort break” seems like a good adult-oriented alternative.

          Choosing “potty” in an adult context is just beyond bizarre. Is that person also making sure my lunch has my name on it and that I’m wearing a sweater when it’s cold out?

          Yeesh….

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          2. Bast*

            Going to be honest and say that if someone mentioned needing a “comfort break” I’d have no clue what they were on about. That’s a new one for me.

            Reply ↓
          3. Lemons*

            I’ve heard ‘bio break’ a lot, tbh I find it annoying. Just say ‘excuse me’ or ‘I’ll be back in 5’ if folks are not comfortable referencing the bathroom.

            Reply ↓
        2. Jaydee*

          I would assume the people who don’t want to say “restroom” or “bathroom” are also people who would not want to announce they are going to “make a tinkle.”

          Reply ↓
      4. Baked Alaska*

        I stopping working with a massage therapist I’d used for a few years for several unprofessional behaviors, the tipping point of which was that before each session, she’d ask me, a person roughly 15 years older than herself, ‘Do you need to go potty?’

        Reply ↓
      6. Elitist Semicolon*

        “Go potty” is worthy of an eyeroll. “Make a tinkle,” however, would prompt me to have a conversation about using professional language in the office with this person, because it’s simultaneously too specific and infantile – a combination that, if I were a client, I would find off-putting.

        Reply ↓
    3. Throwaway Account*

      I was a teacher for just a few years and one skill you develop is telling others what to do – everyone come in and take a seat, clear the hallway please, take the last 15 minutes to finish that, etc. And it can be a hard skill to unlearn!

      I’ve met other teachers and we don’t realize at first that we are doing the same thing to adults in our new, non-teaching jobs!! And they don’t really like it (go figure! lol). It is usually things like organizing groups of people to get from one place to another or start a meeting. But not baby words like the OP is using.

      Reply ↓
      1. Dark Macadamia*

        When I worked at a daycare I would do headcounts of any group I was with every time we changed locations. Now as a middle school teacher when I see a group of Youths in public I have the urge to go over and ask them where they’re supposed to be, lol

        Reply ↓
    4. Middle Aged Lady*

      This letter piqued my curiosity on why we use baby and toddler talk. The use of simple, emphasized words, sing-song, repitition (Gan-Gan for Grandma) and higher pitch helps with speech acquisition. Fascinating. But the (admittedly, two) articles I read said it should stop with most kids by age 3.
      It would feel strange to me to have a co-worker using these terms. Despite Allison’s advice to leave it alone, I would ask her privately if she was aware she was using babytalk.

      Reply ↓
      1. Emmy Noether*

        Yes. I despise baby talk (and I’ll never say “go potty” to anybody of any age if I can at all avoid it), but I do find myself instinctually using exaggerated tone, repetitions, and mirroring with infants. They just respond to it so well! Never had trouble with that particular code switching though.

        Reply ↓
    5. The OG Sleepless*

      My mom was an elementary school teacher, and she used to annoy the heck out of me and my brother by telling us to do something but explaining it in detailed, simple steps. One of my friends’ mom was a high school teacher and she used to holler directions at them like a drill sergeant.

      Reply ↓
    6. H.Regalis*

      Yeah, that was where my mind went too. Maybe she was an elementary school teacher, or babysits a lot, or something. It sounds like someone who has spent a lot of time around kids to where it’s deeply ingrained in them to talk like that. I agree that it’s awkward—I’d cringe too if another adult told me they had to “make a tinkle”—but I think it’s more odd than anything else.

      Reply ↓
  4. cncx*

    Re #1, I had a coworker with a secret third option : he was being nitpicky as a power play and while my boss didn’t have a problem with my way, he also was too weak of a manager to tell my coworker to kick it off. I left that job because I was a grown woman who didn’t need coaching on first day at first job tasks.

    Reply ↓
    1. pickles*

      This type of “correcting” someone is a way to establish authority over someone.

      If you call them on it, they likely response will be: I was just trying to help. And then they will throw it back on you.

      No, they are not “just trying to help”, They are establishing themselves are establishing themselves as your superior–someone you should defer to.

      Reply ↓
      1. Dust Bunny*

        Yeah, if someone did this to me I would check with my supervisor to see if she agreed I could stand to make some changes, but if she still thought I was doing fine even after I gave her specific examples of things on which my coworker had attempted to give me feedback, I would leverage that the next time coworker overstepped.

        Reply ↓
  5. duinath*

    Oh, any suggestion of eavesdropping would have me steamed, 4. One of you is using the space as intended, and it’s not the people intruding on your personal moment with interruptions and private conversations you do not want to be part of.

    Reply ↓
  6. Carrie*

    Why oh why do people carry on conversations in the restrooms, whyyyyyy???
    I really feel for the last LW and they are describing a nightmare situation.

    Reply ↓
    1. FashionablyEvil*

      There was a woman in my old office building who would take calls in the restroom—I would start flushing the toilet repeatedly.

      Reply ↓
      1. Moose*

        I’m still not over the time someone was talking on speakerphone while pooping. The second hand embarrassment was so strong I hid in a stall until she washed her hands and left. (Still on speakerphone, of course.)

        Reply ↓
      2. Bast*

        I work in an office building where there are multiple businesses per floor that all share a restroom. I went in there about 2 weeks ago to use the restroom for its intended purpose only to run into another woman on her cell phone having a full blown, and what seemed like a rather serious, conversation. I had to go. I wasn’t going to turn around and come back later; this is a restroom and not really a place for a private phone call anyway. I could hear her shuffling around trying to mute any noises I was making, and then a loud huff and the door opening when I flushed the toilet. I’m not sure why the idea that someone might need to use the toilet was such an upset/shock to her. It’s to be expected, surely.

        Reply ↓
        2. tes vitrines infinies, tes horizons dorees, je veux m'en passer*

          The huffing and puffing about it is funny – I ran into a similar situation in a public john once (T3 Heathrow American arrival lounge, for anyone who knows). Like listen man, I’m sorry to interrupt your very serious conversation about the market conditions, but I’m fresh off a red-eye from Chicago and I’m about to violate every single one of the Geneva Suggestions in here, I’d find somewhere else to be if I was you.

          Reply ↓
      2. Zona the Great*

        If you truly need privacy at work, go out to your car or book a conference room. It is a shared space and therefore inherently not private.

        Reply ↓
      4. What_the_What*

        Unless it’s a “single seater” with a locking door, you have no privacy and no expectation of such. If it’s a multiple stall restroom in a WORK space, it’s unreasonable to expect it to be private. An important, private phone call can be taken, in a stairwell, an empty conference room, the supply closet, outside while pacing, or sitting in your car, etc…

        Reply ↓
        1. Kuddel Daddeldu*

          In Europe, bathroom cubicles often have full walls, floor to ceiling, and real doors. In those, you would actually have some privacy (but not enough space for a larger conclave, alas)

          Reply ↓
    3. Zona the Great*

      I worked in a mid-century office building that had lactation rooms attached to each women’s restroom. Or at least that’s what I think they were. Rooms with, oddly, couches and a mirror with sinks. Just no toilets. A woman would put on her makeup and do her hair in the toilet room instead of the comfort room no matter what. It took her 30 mins everyday. It drove me nuts. I need to be in here to do toilet things, lady! Go to the other room!

      Reply ↓
      1. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

        Not lactation rooms! Those were literal rest-rooms. Very old-fashioned. Good for when you need to rest while having menstrual cramps (and the only available medication was aspirin).

        Reply ↓
        1. UKDancer*

          Yes, there’s an old fashioned posh hotel near me that has one on just off the ladies toilets. When I’ve been to tango events there it’s been great for putting your dance shoes on and making sure your tights are straight.

          Reply ↓
        2. Esprit de l'escalier*

          An office building I once worked in had a woman’s bathroom with this kind of comfort space as an anteroom. There was a couch and one or two armchairs, and I remember lying down on that couch when I had horrible menstrual cramps or migraine. It was such a wonderful amenity to have access to. Never had anything like that before or since.

          Reply ↓
      2. Vincent t adultman*

        Those aren’t lactation rooms (at least that wasn’t the original purpose). They were originally created for like, fixing makeup or your hair, taking a breather, adjusting your outfit (hello runs in pantyhose), etc.

        Reply ↓
    4. MassMatt*

      Probably because they either lack a break room or are unable to take time outside of a designated break period to chat.

      I would not like to have a conversation in the bathroom, much less hang around in one chatting, but people do. Pretty crummy of them to act as though someone actually using the bathroom is being intrusive and “eavesdropping “.

      Reply ↓
    5. JMR*

      This is SUCH a pet peeve of mine. I have been in the uncomfortable position of being in the bathroom, doing bathroom stuff, with all the attendant noises, and feeling embarrassed about whether two people chatting at the sink about whether or not tomorrow is Doughnut Wednesday can hear me. And then, because I’m in the US where bathroom stalls aren’t fully enclosed (this is a topic of a whole other rant), I wonder whether they will see my shoes and know it was me. And then I get mad, because I should be able to make normal bathroom noises in the bathroom without feeling like I’m doing something gross or wrong. Go somewhere else to chat! Most of you have offices! We have breakrooms on every floor of the building! We have numerous conference rooms and phone rooms! If you absolutely must have complete privacy, go for a walk around the block! JUST LET ME SHIT IN PEACE, GOD.

      Reply ↓
    6. Peanut Hamper*

      My old boss used to do this. I would go in for a wee, and he’d go in to the stall next to me and start up a conversation about the TPS reports or whatever and what we should do about it.

      I so desperately wanted to say “I’m holding my penis right now; can we please have this conversation when I’m not?” but he was such a boundary crosser in so many ways I knew it was pointless. I just hemmed and hawed and got the hell out of there.

      Reply ↓
    7. She of Many Hats*

      I’m okay with two people continuing a conversation they started outside the bathroom or doing a quick catch-up while they wash their hands but standing about to essentially gossip and needing to know who else is there so they don’t talk about the victim on the toilet or dragging the other person into their conversation is not acceptable .

      Reply ↓
  7. LifebeforeCorona*

    #1 “Thanks for letting me know!” This can work in almost every situation, not just work.
    #3 “Bob, logos on the butt is a trashy look and makes the company look like a frat house.”
    #4 “I’m here and I’m going to be a while, carry on!”

    Reply ↓
  9. Lisa*

    Re #1: I’m currently trying hard not to be a Jane at my job. The situation is that I’m one of the longest-running employees and most experienced workers at our shop and I have a very good sense of what needs to be done to make us competitive. However, we currently have a new employee who regularly makes certain screwups that I and other experienced employees here know could lose us customers and harm our bottom line. He has a fairly inexperienced and conflict-averse manager, however, who just keeps telling him he’s a stellar worker and refuses to correct the problems, even though multiple people have brought them to her. One time I actually couldn’t help going over and correcting him after he’d made multiple egregious grammatical errors on a report, and he later complained to colleagues that I was “nitpicking” his work. Boy did that get me mad!

    Not saying that was for sure what was happening here, but it always struck me as an alternative perspective on this letter—seems very possible we could also have had Jane writing in.

    Reply ↓
    1. Busybodies Begone*

      Well, he wasn’t wrong! If his manager isn’t bothered, it’s not your place to correct him.

      And I’m certain you could, in fact, have helped it – you just wanted to be right more than you wanted to be restrained.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cora*

        Busybodies, you’re missing the point and assuming intent in that the prior commenter wanted to be right. With a hands off manager, sometimes coworkers with more skin in the game on results have to step in.

        Reply ↓
        1. Throwaway Account*

          I think there is more nuance here that is important.

          I’m struggling to express what I mean. Alison points out all the time that we often don’t have standing to address things that we think we do. We have to keep the focus on the work and the impact others have on OUR work. So the advice to Lisa would be something more like – did the errors in the report impact Lisa’s ability to do her job? If not, she needs to let it go if the manager is not addressing it, it is not up to Lisa to address it. And doing so suggests she needed to be right more than she could not restrain herself. If Lisa had to take time away from her own tasks to fix the report or it caused her to not be able to do her work, then she should address that part of it. It someone could be harmed by the errors, then address it (but with the boss).

          The company bottom line or the client take on baby talk is not Lisa’s responsibility. Maybe bring up these concerns once if you know your manager is open to them, but that is it.

          Reply ↓
        2. Yankees fans are awesome*

          …which is exactly why that manager doesn’t handle situation. Why manage a team when the team will do it for you?

          Sarcasm aside, the Janes of the world aren’t accountable; I follow what she says, it’s wrong or misguided, but is Jane held accountable? No, I am, for following her directions. But I follow what manager says to do, and it’s manager who is held accountable – exactly as it should be.

          Janes of the world are sometimes wrong, no matter how long they’ve been somewhere. How convenient to want to call the shots without being formally accountable to them.

          Reply ↓
      2. Lisa*

        I actually just wanted our report not to be full of typos, because that kind of thing makes us look incredibly unprofessional and reflects poorly on our entire company — nothing to do with wanting to be right.

        Reply ↓
          1. Your Former Password Resetter*

            I get your point, but that’s what involved and responsible employees do.
            “Stop caring about things outside your job description” is a way to cope with unfixable problems and dysfunction, not an approach you want to take in a functional job.

            Reply ↓
            1. ecnaseener*

              Sure, but when you’re dealing with a “conflict-averse manager who just keeps telling him he’s a stellar worker and refuses to correct the problems, even though multiple people have brought them to her,” wouldn’t you say that’s squarely in the dysfunction zone?

              Reply ↓
          2. JSPA*

            Because, depending on (the job market / on retirement planning / on office camaraderie / how tied your reputation will inevitably be, to the reputation of the business where you’ve spent 10+ years of your career )

            it’s very reasonable for people to not want the company to a) fail b) get a crappy reputation. One person coming in and doing a crappy job should not be a reason for everyone else to have to job-search, at risk of seeing their reputation and future employability drop, if they stay.

            Reply ↓
        2. Saturday*

          Yeah, I get what you’re saying. I think in a healthy work environment, people don’t have such a “you’re not my manager, and I don’t have to do what you say” attitude. Feedback coming from coworkers can be useful too.

          Reply ↓
        3. Ginger Cat Lady*

          If the company wanted you to be busybodying other people’s typos, they’d make you their manager.
          I don’t care how long you’ve worked somewhere, you don’t get to be an annoying busybody. And what you describe is absolutely busybody behavior.
          If you’re not the company owner or the manager, stop butting into other people’s jobs.

          Reply ↓
          1. JSPA*

            This is more aggressive take than seems warranted. In a healthy workplace, feedback doesn’t always have to flow up and then back down the chain of command!

            I’d be highly nonplussed if a report felt that they couldn’t mention to another report, “I noticed some typos, would you like me to point them out, in case this document gets to a level where it matters?”

            An occasional typo isn’t generally a career-ending error (unless you add a couple of zeros to a price in an offer letter, or lose an essential oxford comma in legislation). But that’s not to say, “typos are broadly fine and professional.”

            If someone is trailing toilet paper, or their email subject line says “pubic comment” rather than “public comment,” you’re doing them a solid by letting them know.

            Part of living in a society involves stuff like flashing your lights at someone if they’re driving after dark with their lights off; not waiting for them to hit a cyclist or be pulled over by a cop.

            Reply ↓
    2. Abigail*

      If they aren’t going to promote you there, it’s time to find a new organization where you can move up in terms of responsibility.

      Knowledge without authority is a recipe for resentment.

      Reply ↓
  10. Glen*

    one day, when someone comes into a public toilet loudly carrying on a phone conversation while I am using it as intended, I am going to make an extremely loud, horrifying noise. It’s genuinely one of the most inconsiderate things I encounter on a semi-regular basis.

    Reply ↓
    1. Joana*

      I honestly do not get taking phone calls in the bathroom. If you need privacy, there are so many better places you can slip off to. I feel besides everything else, bathrooms are just too obviously echoey that if someone I was talking to were to take one in the bathroom, I’d know and be like “Um, do you need a moment?”

      Reply ↓
      1. Bast*

        I’ve encountered numerous people doing this and just don’t understand. If I were on a call with someone and heard toilets flushing and other bathroom noises, I’d probably just ask them to call me back later, especially if I heard them *cringing* using the bathroom while speaking with me. I have no desire to hear that.

        Reply ↓
        1. JMC*

          The number of customers who call into businesses or call centers while going to the bathroom is staggering. DO NOT DO THAT.

          Reply ↓
          1. Analyst*

            If I’ve been on hold for a long time and I have to go, I’m not hanging up and waiting again…and of course, that’s exactly when the operator will come on…

            Reply ↓
  11. Emily*

    #4 You’re using the restroom for it’s intended purpose, the people coming into the restroom to chat are not. I think Alison’s suggested responses are great.

    Reply ↓
  12. Glomarization, Esq.*

    There’s no reason you can’t say dryly, “I think you mean a mistake” when she refers to an “uh-oh” or so forth.

    This feels like a rude and unnecessarily aggressive put-down, to me. I think it would be a good way to impair a friendly office relationship. I would just continue to ignore babyish talk, even if I were her boss. In the context provided, it seems to be a perfectly harmless quirk.

    Reply ↓
    1. Marshmallow*

      That suggestion rubbed me the wrong way too. I don’t “baby talk” specifically, but I think that using overly formal language is unnecessary and annoying. So when people “correct” when they understood perfectly but just didn’t like, it comes off as rigid and condescending to me. And it’s entirely possible that people find me annoying but I’ve also seen that almost everyone has little “catch phrases” that are informal and range drastically on how silly they are. I use the word “thusly” a lot… or “muchly thusly” which I’m aware that muchly is not a word but all words are made up and some of us have to be a little sillier to balance out the grammar police! Haha! Anyway… I have a boss that often insists that we use the “correct words” for items… but then often uses words like “thingamabob” when he can’t think of the word or doesn’t know so the hypocrisy in that case is also annoying. I call pipe clamps “cheese bros”… cuz I was looking online for some once and saw a specific kind called like a chesebororo or something like that and my brain read it as cheese bros so that’s what they are now.

      That was a lot of words to say I agree!

      Reply ↓
      1. UKDancer*

        Yes, we all have some speech peculiarities. I had one colleague 2 jobs back whose catch phrases were like nails scraping a board for me, not helped by him having an accent I didn’t like. I never told him this because it’s not like it’s going to be something he can change and nor is it likely to help our relationship.

        I mean I’m sure I have vocal habits and things I say that annoy my colleagues likewise and I prefer not to know about them.

        Reply ↓
      2. Bast*

        I had a coworker who was an all around lovely person, but pronounced the “l” in salmon and constantly was saying “for all intensive purposes.” The latter was a frequently used phrase by her, so it was heard at least daily. At some point, she was told that you don’t actually pronounced the L and that the phrase was “for all intents and purposes.” She seemed genuinely surprised to hear this, and the next day went right back to saying it the way she always had. At that point, rather than correct it each and every time, we took it as a quirk and realized it was not going to change.

        Reply ↓
        1. Rain, Disappointing Australian*

          “Intensive purposes” drives me up a wall too, oh my $deity.

          However, pronouncing the L in salmon is valid in some accents/dialects! Definitely not saying your coworker had one of those accents or dialects, for sure – unless she was perhaps from some Scandinavian country or one of the odder bits of the UK, which seems very unlikely. :)

          Reply ↓
      3. JMC*

        Yeah people who refuse to use the correct words for things are annoying too. We have set words for set things for a reason.

        Reply ↓
    2. 653-CXK*

      Initially, I thought Allison’s suggestion is exceedingly polite compared with what I would want to say, as in “We’re not in kindergarten – please do not talk to me as if I were a toddler.” Then, reading through some of the other comments, I think there may be situations where that suggestion may come off as abrupt and rude (as in “who poured lemon juice into your Cheerios this morning?”).

      I think a better way would be to be polite, and then change the subject. “Thanks for letting me know…I’ll fix it now. By the way…(changes subject)”. “I’m sorry to hear that…there should be band-aids in the first aid kit. If you have a few minutes…(changes subject)” “After you come back from the ladies’ room…(changes subject)”.

      Reply ↓
    3. tokei*

      I agree this was a rare miss from Alison– I would find the babytalk irritating, but the “I think you mean MISTAKE” line is so snide and unpleasant, omg? At that point just have a grown-up conversation and be honest that you find the babytalk jarring and ask if she’d be willing to change things up instead of being passive-aggressive and condescending, jeez.

      Reply ↓
    4. Former Preschool Teacher*

      I think the distinction is whether the coworker is baby talking to herself or other people. “I have to go potty” is a quirk, but “do YOU have to go potty?” is infantilizing. I think in that case it would be ok to say, “No, I have to go to the restroom.” I used to teach preschool so I understand the code switching thing people were talking about above, but working in an office now, I expect adults to speak to me like an adult.

      Reply ↓
    5. Audrey Puffins*

      If you’re not saying it aggressively, there’s no harm in it. I can’t abide being referred to as a girl, so I will make a neutrally-voiced correction when it comes up, and it’s never harmed any of my working relationships. If you’re making a big deal of it or using an unnecessary tone then sure, it will be rude, but if it’s a brief neutral comment and you continue the conversation rather than derailing it, then it’s not going to harm anyone

      Reply ↓
  13. Rondeaux*

    What kind of staplers are you using that cause dangerous cuts? Despite her childish talk, I’d start looking at a more modern stapler for the office with all the latest safety features

    Reply ↓
    1. pickles*

      When I started at a major utility company in the 1980s, the first day on the job I have to take a safety course which included stapler safety.

      I had to demonstrate I could properly staple paper and remove the staple from the paper.

      I thought it was so ridiculous I started to play around and joke about it (I was young). The instructor looked directly in my eyes and said in a serious tone: If you don’t demonstrate you can use a stapler properly–right now–you will be released.

      Reply ↓
      1. Kuddel Daddeldu*

        I recently visited a company that had mandatory “How to walk (office staff)” training.
        Seeing how frequently I observe people walking down stairs with eyes glued to their phone, it makes sense.

        Reply ↓
  14. Vincent t Adultman*

    “ There’s no reason you can’t say dryly, “I think you mean a mistake” when she refers to an “uh-oh” or so forth.)”

    IDK, I feel like this could backfire? Especially if you’re already the youngest employee (by quite a bit), and one of the lower-rung roles to boot. You’re not her boss, her actual bosses either aren’t dealing with it (or they are but just aren’t sharing that publicly with the rest of the org), it doesn’t actually concern you even if it is one of those things that makes you go, “…oh okay” internally. So the only/smartest thing to do is just to ignore it.

    Reply ↓
    1. Glomarization, Esq.*

      Agreed. I mean, since I had my kiddo, who’s in their 20s now, I tend to say “jammies” and a few other toddler-level words. It would be weird and awkward if one of my colleagues (especially a younger one, LOL) told me, “I think you mean pajamas.“

      Reply ↓
  15. Staybunn*

    LW4, a pair of noise-cancelling AirPods or similar earphones could make Alison’s sound barrier almost a reality (in one direction, at least).

    Reply ↓
    1. Kuddel Daddeldu*

      In Europe, bathroom cubicles often have full walls, floor to ceiling, and real doors. In those, you would actually have some privacy (but not enough space for a larger conclave, alas)

      Reply ↓
  16. McCavity*

    “Who else is in here?”

    Answer: a person using the bathroom for its actual purpose?? Duh?? What the hell are YOU all in here for if not answering nature’s call, or crying about your job, you weirdos???

    More seriously though: the LW is totally in their rights to NOT answer but I agree with them how awkward that can feel (especially if the other people don’t just let it go). I know this is an old, pre-COVID letter but my advice would have honestly been to find a new job and/or a WFH arrangement, ultimately. Easier said than done but depending on the medical condition the LW had*, the stress of this situation can definitely exacerbate flare ups so it creates a chicken-egg situation of more bathroom visits—>more “who else is in the bathroom OMG?!” interrogation. People using the bathroom are in the bathroom, Madisonkenzie, mind your own damn business. And maybe get back to work already.

    *oh god we don’t need to speculate on the actual medical condition, no one needs a huge tangent thread on GI conditions that require numerous, lengthy bathroom visits and why. All that ever does here is gross everyone out and invite weird comments from trolls with some very specific fetishes. No. Not okay. It’s a new year, let’s act like it.

    Reply ↓
  17. Your Former Password Resetter*

    Most people don’t use toddler-talk constantly though, especially with their bosses and clients. I’d consider that some seriously bad judgement if she thinks that’s not going to look weird and unproffesional.

    Still might not be worth it for OP to point it out, but it stands out enough that casually asking about it seems very reasonable.

    Reply ↓
    2. What_the_What*

      Sounds like the toddler talker has been there awhile though. If the bosses and/or clients haven’t mentioned it, seemed skeeved about by it by now, I’d let it go. I might ONE TIME when she announces she’s going potty say, “Don’t forget to wash your hands!” and see if she catches on, but I might not even do that. Prolly just roll my eyes and figure “hey if leadership doesn’t care, neither do I!”

      Reply ↓
  18. nnn*

    What strikes me about #3 is logoed pants wouldn’t fulfill the function of branded clothing, which is to identify the wearer’s affiliation with the company to people they might be speaking to or working with.

    People aren’t in the habit of looking at the seat of an employee’s pants for this information, and the client wouldn’t even be able to see that there’s a logo there at all during most common interactions (e.g. if the employee is at a reception desk or a trade show booth, approaching a client in a store, sitting at a desk, etc.)

    They simply aren’t fit for purpose!

    Reply ↓
    1. duinath*

      On the other hand, there are some jobs where you would kind of prefer the person you’re talking to doesn’t know you work there until you’re actively walking away.

      That’s not the employer’s preference, but hey, they’re the ones who wanted it there.

      Reply ↓
  19. Cacofonix*

    #2 “ There’s no reason you can’t say dryly, “I think you mean a mistake” when she refers to an “uh-oh” or so forth.)”

    This, of course. I’d take it one step further and look perplexed by saying “what do you mean by ‘uh-oh’? I don’t understand.” Make her explain in detail until she uses an adult word, then, “ahh, thank you. I’m not around young children much, and didn’t expect to have to hear these types of words in an adult setting.”

    After that, I’d ask “What are you trying to say?” every time. Except for the cut finger. Jeebus, ignore completely… not serious nor work related.

    Reply ↓
      1. UKDancer*

        Yes, I agree. It would just make the OP look unreasonable and difficult and be awkward for anyone else overhearing it.

        Reply ↓
    3. Summer*

      No, this would not work in practice. It just sounds so over the top and snarky that you would end up looking like the problem instead of the baby talking coworker.

      Is the baby talk annoying? I’m sure it is. Is it LW’s problem to solve? I’m sure it is not. Leave it alone and tune it out LW.

      Reply ↓
    4. EventPlannerGal*

      If you actively want your coworkers to think you are a massive prick, this is a great and effective strategy! If you want to maintain any kind of cordial relationship with a long-serving colleague, avoid escalating a non-problem into a weird one-sided vocabulary vendetta, or generally be thought of as a pleasant or reasonable person, do not do this.

      Reply ↓
  20. workingdayandnight*

    If I sat next to #2 (the toddler talker), I’d joke around with her. When she said she got a boo-boo, I’d say “Awww, should we call your Mommy so she can come kiss it for you?” when she said uh-oh, I’d say “Use your words, you’re a big girl now.” It would be all in good fun though and hopefully she’d take it that way.

    Reply ↓
    1. H3llifIknow*

      I’m okay with wearing a branded shirt, jacket, etc… when we attend vendor expos, etc.. or when in my govt. client’s office, as long as it’s small, tasteful and doesn’t sit directly on my boob. I’m a representative of ACME, LLC and I’m fine with that. My butt though? Awww hell no.

      Reply ↓
      1. Kuddel Daddeldu*

        That! We wear branded PPE (hard hat and boiler suit/coveralls) when on site, and that’s standardfor my field. Too often that’s the only ID I need to get into secured areas (shouldn’t happen, though).
        In the office, it’s just the company badge as per usual. We used to have branded ties (no logo, just using the logo colors) for trade shows but I haven’t seen them for a few years now.

        Reply ↓
  22. tina turner*

    #1 — “This is what I was trained to do” works, but only if you can say that. Did you not get trained? If not, that’s the problem.

    Reply ↓
  23. The Not-An-Underpants Gnome*

    If I were LW4, I’d be like “ME. I’M POOPING.”

    They wanna make it weird, I’ll make it weird right back.

    Reply ↓
  24. Overthinking It*

    #3 Maybe you boss is thinking about jeans-type pants, with the logo on the hip pocket, like the “W” on Wranglers? Maybe you still wouldn’t want to wear it, but it would be little more understandable than, than,
    – say -“juicy” written across the crest of the buttocks.

    Reply ↓
  25. Little Bobby Tables*

    Now this has me wondering what could be the worst possible company to introduce butt logos. Some brands that really shouldn’t do this:

    My Pillow
    Big Ass Fans
    Honey Baked Ham

    Reply ↓
    1. Rainy*

      Sham-wow
      Tucks Medicated Wipes
      Preparation H
      Any company known primarily for manufacturing drills or drilling equipment

      Reply ↓
    2. HSE Compliance*

      I would very happily wear a pair of pants that has the Big Ass Fans logo across the bum. Not to work, but anywhere else.

      (Big Ass Fans have been in use at the manufacturing facilities I’ve worked at for years and I’ve always wanted something with their logo on it. Absolutely cracks me up every time.)

      Reply ↓
  26. Coin_Operated*

    I hate public restrooms and how they’re designed. I once had a co-worker who was in such a panic to come find me for “help” (it was not an emergency) he couldn’t wait long enough and found me in the bathroom, and was looking for me through all the toilet stall cracks, made eye contact while I was on the toilet and proceeded to ask me questions about a work project….

    Reply ↓
    1. Might Be Spam*

      Coworkers used to look for me in the restroom so often that I started hiding out on the roof to get a break. Once I found my boss up there, also hiding. We were in IT, so a good hiding place was the only way to get a break.

      Reply ↓
  27. She of Many Hats*

    LW 4: I would be very tempted to say something to the effect “If you don’t want to accidently gossip about someone using the toilet at the same time as you, it’s easy to skip the gossip instead of embarrassing everyone with roll call.”

    Reply ↓

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