how can I convince a new job to let me work from home, staff gets ready to leave before the end of their shift, and more

by Alison Green on January 10, 2025

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. How can I advocate to work from home in an interview when it seems against company culture?

I have been a full-time remote employee since late 2017. This organization has always been fully remote and I have thrived in this environment. I do good work and feel close to my colleagues, whom I see in person once or twice a year. I do not feel I am missing out by being in an office nor do I feel my job would be better done in an office environment. Probably important to note is that my organization is a consultancy, working with clients across the U.S.

For reasons that have nothing to do with the work set-up, it’s time for me to move on from this role. A former colleague has offered me a position that would be very similar to my current role, except I’d be doing it in-house rather than for external clients. Salary is market-low and healthcare premiums are extremely expensive, but the work seems interesting. More than anything, I’m ready for a change from my current situation, so would be willing to give it a shot.

During my first conversation with my former colleague, who would be my boss, she reiterated that the role would be completely remote, but it’d be ideal if I could travel to the office for a few days once a month. The office is located 2.5 hours from my home, which is not ideal but fine.

Since that conversation, however, I’m getting the vibe that it might not be as remote-friendly as my former boss presented, and I am worried about getting into a situation where I may be forced into coming into the office regularly or losing my job. Glassdoor is riddled with reviews about how no one is allowed to work from home and how the CEO is vocally against it. Then, I received an email from my would-be-boss asking if I would consider moving to the area where the job is in exchange for $5,000 in moving expenses. (And no, I would absolutely not move to this area, especially for the salary offered.)

I am confident this will come up in my interview with the CEO, which is this Friday. What aspects of WFH productivity should I come prepared to defend? And how can I assess for red flags that might indicate a WFH bait-and-switch? My husband is a stay-at-home-dad with much less marketable skills than me, and being let go from a job would be financially devastating to my family. We already live paycheck to paycheck, so if I take this role, I need to make it work.

You’re not going to be able to change the CEO’s mind on remote work. The Glassdoor reviews make it clear people who work there have already tried; as an outside candidate, you’re not going to succeed where they failed.

More importantly, you should not take this job. Or at least you shouldn’t take it without a very direct conversation with the hiring manager about what you read on Glassdoor. Unless she says, “Oh, that was the previous CEO; the new one is much more WFH-friendly and the culture has totally changed,” this is a recipe for bad things.

Even if you get the remote work agreement in writing, they can decide to change it at any time, and you can end up subject to a lot of pressure to move … or not included in projects, info distribution, and collaboration that you would need to do well in the job … or may simply end up getting told they’ve decided it’s not feasible to have someone remote after all. If you were comfortable with that risk, it would be one thing — but you’re describing it as financially devastating. This isn’t even a job you’re all that excited about! Throw in the low salary and high health insurance premiums, and it’s not a job that fits your needs.

2. I accidentally left the pumping room a mess

I am so embarrassed right now. I want to hide under my desk.

I have been pumping in an unused breakroom/ storage room in our office. Cases of water bottles are piled so high that the space can’t be used for much, but there is a table and chair and enough space for my needs. There is no lock, but I have put up a sign and have had no issues thus far.

Monday, our afternoon meeting ran long (it is an at-work phone meeting, so I was pumping during it in the room). I had to rush out the office to get my daughter at daycare. Tuesday, I unexpectedly had to stay at home with my older daughter. I had the thought, “I should get my pump.” However, I would have had to make my six-year-old walk with me the few blocks from/to the parking garage in the freezing weather and then climb six floors to my parking space in the garage (the elevator is broken). So I just let it go.

Today the office manager let me know that my boss saw a mess in the pumping room and got very upset. There was dried milk on the table and pumping equipment out. I am sure it looked awful, and I am so humiliated. Yep — I left my pump, a boob flange, and my bag out on the table with the door open.

Of course I will not do this again, but should I tell my boss it was an anomalous occurrence? I don’t know how I will ever look at him again. He is older generation and so far I thought I was doing a good job of being discreet about having to pump at work. I am 100% sure he was grossed out. I don’t want to debate on whether or not he should have been grossed out. It was messy and had bodily fluids (can I crawl in a hole forever?) and things that go on my boobs on the table. Help!

You didn’t pee all over the storage room. You left a medical device there. It was an accident, one that won’t happen again. You don’t need to be this mortified!

I don’t think you need to address it with your boss unless it’s going to drive you mad if you don’t. But if you really want to, you can shoot him an email (to avoid the awkwardness that it sounds like you’d both feel if you talked face-to-face) and say, “Apologies for leaving the break room a mess — I had to leave unexpectedly, but it was an oversight and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” That’s really it! Unless your boss is truly out there, he’s not likely to spend a long time stewing over this.

3. Staff gets ready to leave before the end of their shift

Am I wrong to be annoyed that my staff — who cover the front desk — have a tendency to go to the staff room and gather their things up 10-20 minutes before their shift ends?

We see our last client at 5 pm, but the working hours are 8:15 am to 5:15 pm (with an hour for lunch), in case a client is a few late or someone on their way out needs something, and to just wrap up and close their computers down and whatnot. I feel it isn’t the best presentation for the front to be “pretty much closed” at 5 pm when there’s still a client to get settled.

This expectation has been communicated and has been reiterated. If I ask why they’ve gone to get their things before 5:15, the answer is, “It’s not like I’m leaving yet, I’m just getting ready.” The last time I told them that I did not want them to get their things before clients are finished, having their things on the desk looks like the client is not welcome or is intruding, they just stuck it on the floor.

I don’t feel like it is an unreasonable expectation that my staff doesn’t look like they are running out the door when the last client comes in. But am I being overly critical? Does it matter as much as I feel it does? And if I’m right, what do I need to say to change this behavior?

It’s reasonable to want the last client of the day to feel welcomed and not as if they’re intruding on people who are trying to leave. I don’t know if your staff gathering up their things early is making people feel unwelcome, but if you think it is, you should indeed explain that and tell people not to do it.

I’m curious how firm and direct you’ve been about the expectation: have you been crystal clear (as in “I need you to wait until 5:15 to gather your things”) and they’re flagrantly ignoring that and doing it anyway? If so, you need to get firmer when you see it happening: “We’ve talked about this. I do not want you gathering your things before 5:15 because of the impression it gives clients. If you have a reason to do it earlier, let’s discuss that now so we can hash it out and both be on the same page, but otherwise I need you to follow this job requirement.” But, alternatively, is it possible you haven’t been that clear? If you’ve used softer language (like “I’d prefer you not pack up until the end of the day”), the next step is to be firmer and clearer (“you need to wait until 5:15 to gather your things”).

It’s also possible there’s some complicating factor here like they only have three minutes to catch a bus when their shift ends and if they miss it they’re stuck waiting an hour for the next one … in which case you could explore other solutions, like whether there’s a more discreet place they can store their stuff so it’s not right in clients’ faces. (In fact, you might do that anyway, but that would be particular impetus.)

4. Handling persistent pushy requests from a professor when I’ve already said no

I’m seeking advice on an ongoing issue with a retired elderly professor emeritus. I am an adult learner in a graduate program.

The professor regularly attends our peer teaching session and uses these sessions to advance his own work, including pressuring students to help write chapters for his self published books. He also has sent me numerous emails insisting that I participate as an author in his projects and sign release forms for teaching materials that I created for other purposes for him to use for his own projects. Despite my polite but firm refusals, his requests persist both via email and in person. Although he often says he “respects my decision,” the constant follow-up and pressure to get involved continue.

I’ve discussed this issue with colleagues and other professors, and some have advised me to simply stop responding to his emails, as he sends long, stream-of-consciousness messages filled with various demands, random thoughts, and requests. Fortunately the emails to me have mostly stopped for the time being. It seems that most people have just stopped replying to him altogether.

I am juggling multiple other commitments and have no desire to be involved in his projects, so I’m leaning toward not responding to his emails anymore if he does this again in future. However, I’m unsure if this is the best approach, as I don’t want to escalate the situation or create any further tension. Should I continue to engage politely but firmly, or would it be better to stop responding entirely?

Stop responding. You’ve told him no multiple times and the answer hasn’t changed. And since other people have stopped replying to him, if he has an issue with that he’ll need to take issue with the whole group, not just you, which gives you some degree of cover if that happens.

If he ever asks you in person why you haven’t been answering, you can say, “Oh, I’m sorry if I missed something — I’d already answered you about X and Y and didn’t see an additional question in there.”

Also, is anyone willing to tell him to knock it off, like another professor? Is it something you and other students can raise on course evaluations? It’s obnoxious behavior, made worse by the power dynamics in play.

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{ 30 comments }

{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Martin Blackwood*

    I’m a little confused about #3—you see your last client *starting* at 5, or *ending* at five, with some extra time for staff in case appointments run long? The way you said there is extra time at the end makes me think its ends at five, but the way you say ‘still a client to get settled’ makes me think it starts at five. Not sure it matters, but I think i get the staff reaction a little bit more if clients are supposed to be done by five…but if theyre getting stuff ready to leave before five, thats so early, i dont get that.

    I think its reasonable to say the front staff needs to keep their bags/jackets out of sight of clients. I think drawing the line at keeping those things out of sight is the way to go.

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    1. KateM*

      Yes, this wasn’t clear to me, either. I wondered if the visits are maybe supposed to last only 5 minutes, in which case there are extra 10 min?

      Reply ↓
    2. SPB*

      Another issue is what the job requirements are. If they were told they work until 5:15, it makes sense they would prepare to leave by then. Maybe it’s about making sure they are paid for that extra bit of time and are aware that they are, or that they know to expect that when they’re hired.

      Reply ↓
      1. Anononon*

        Agree.

        Perhaps it’s a broader question of, is packing up to leave part of work time or not?

        I can kind of understand feeling like 5:15 is the time you leave if that’s when your hours are up, rather than that’s the time you’re allowed to start getting ready to leave, but perhaps it’s the nature of this particular job that makes being present all the way until 5:15 necessary.

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        1. Chocolate Teapot*

          I would understand it as the very last client appointment of the day being at 5, then there should still be somebody at the reception desk when they leave.

          Totally understand about tight bus/train/tram connections.

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    3. Ron McDon*

      I agree the letter is a bit confusing about whether clients are arriving at 5 or leaving at 5, but I don’t think this affects the advice.

      I’ve always been of the opinion that if your hours are 8.15-5.15, you work until 5.15, then get your coat and bag and leave. I would never think I should be walking out the door at 5.15.

      The place I worked at before this had an employee who was supposed to finish at 5. She would go to the kitchen to wash up her mug at 4.45, shut down her computer, put her bag on the desk and stare out the window or chat until 5.00 then stand up and leave. Everybody else worked until 5, then shut down the PC, washed our mug etc. Our bosses told her she had to wait until 5pm to leave after she started walking out the door at 4.55, but had given up trying to stop her getting ready to leave early.

      We weren’t client facing, but sometimes people from other departments would come in and comment when they saw her sitting there with her PC turned off and her bag on the desk – it was obvious she was doing nothing!

      I’m thinking back through all the jobs I’ve had, and I can’t think of anyone else I’ve worked with who did this, so it must be pretty standard in my area of the UK that you work til your end time then get ready to leave.

      Reply ↓
      1. bamcheeks*

        I’m in the UK, and this was the standard in jobs like retail and other customer service work. But it wasn’t in most of the office jobs I’ve had since 2010, where it was quite normal for people to arrive between 8.30-9am and the office was usually nearly empty by 5pm.

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      2. AcademiaNut*

        I figure starting up and shutting down your computer, putting away and getting out files and other work related tasks should count as work time, because they are work, not personal. Stuff like getting putting on your coat or going to the washroom leans more towards personal / not work time.

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        1. Agent Diane*

          I agree that packing away the work stuff is work, and therefore within the working time. That’s also how letters about people setting up for the day have been treated – if you need to do it to do your job, it’s on the clock and management should factor the time in. It seems obvious to me that the same applies to packing up.

          I do think it’s reasonable to ask them to start packing up after 5.05pm. Clients who are running later than that can’t really be snotty about people who are aware of the time.

          And get a good coat rack for the reception so your staff can have their things ready to go at 5.15pm without looking messy. Right now, it reads like you are nickel and diming people who are probably your least well-paid staff.

          (Aside: this is the second letter this week to start with “Am I wrong to think…” which is a phrasing which always winds me up. It’s a rhetorical device that is trying to make people agree that whatever follows is fine.)

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          1. Yes for coat rack*

            “And get a good coat rack for the reception so your staff can have their things ready to go at 5.15pm without looking messy.”

            That was my thought too. It’s such a simple solution: everything looks tidy and welcoming, and staff can get out on time.

            Reply ↓
  2. AnotherLibrarian*

    #4: As someone whose worked in higher education for many years, I can promise everyone knows who this person is and know what a problem he is. Likely, folks have already attempted to get him to knock it off. Since professor emeriti don’t actually answer to anyone, there’s often very little anyone can do about them. He’s already retired, after all. Unless he’s on your PhD committee or has sway with the committee or something, just stop responding. You’re a student and you owe him nothing, if you’re not his student. Be polite when you engage in person, but please please don’t let him occupy any more of your headspace.

    Reply ↓
    1. Richard Hershberger*

      This. Pressuring grad student to write chapters for his self-published books? This guy is well past his use-by date, and everyone but he (and possibly even he) knows it.

      Reply ↓
  3. Sylvie*

    For #2, I’m a little horrified that the “pumping room” is a storage area with no lock that apparently everyone has access to. And the letter writer has to climb SIX FLIGHTS of stairs to get to/from the office? The company should be embarrassed, not the letter writer

    Reply ↓
    1. bamcheeks*

      Yes, I was thinking that whilst of course IDEALLY you would always pack up and tidy away, this is kind of on the company for giving you such a crap room. If this was a dedicated pumping space, you’d no doubt still feel embarrassed that you hadn’t tidied, but you wouldn’t feel the same shame at having Left Evidence That Your Boobs Exist. It sounds like this room just barely covers their legal responsibilities with no real thought for your comfort. Resolve to be a little more assertive about apologising and excusing yourself from an overrunning meeting in the future, but put the shame down!

      Reply ↓
      1. Let go!*

        “Left Evidence That Your Boobs Exist”

        Well said. Three letter made me feel really bad for OP because of the amount of shame that was in there. Even if the comparison is not ideal – would OP feel the same way if they had left their desk untidied with coffee stains and a dirty cup out there? It’s not ideal, but this happens to everybody at some point too.

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    2. Yvette*

      LW may want to look into what is legally required for a pumping station in her state. What she has may not be it.

      Reply ↓
  4. Artemesia*

    Wow #1. when your job is critical to your families survival you don’t talk yourself into taking a job with poor pay, poor benefits and which won’t accept your WFH requirement and is 2.5 hours away. You are thinking about something that could massively upend your life and there is no guarantee you would be able to find another job to recover from this. This has red flag flying. Keep looking and stay where you have a good thing until you find something as good.

    Reply ↓
    1. Absolutely*

      Absolutely. And even if OP could convince the CEO to be allowed to work from home, this is no environment to thrive. The organisation its not wired that way, starting with meeting culture to information transfer. OP is likely to miss out things (because everybody else is used to discuss things quickly in person) or annoy people at some point (there always needs to be extra effort because OP can only participate online).
      That would be ok if it was a short-term employment, but not as a next career step.

      Reply ↓
      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        The last line of the letter was rather alarming. I don’t think this is the right position to move to.

        Reply ↓
    2. Spooz*

      I’m baffled by this letter as it doesn’t sound like the OP could take this job anyway, even if it were fully remote.

      It’s market low pay with high health insurance, which makes it sound an awful lot like they will be taking home less money than they currently are. And they’re currently living paycheque to paycheque.

      So… in what world is this going to add up? It sounds like the fast train to debt and misery.

      Reply ↓
      1. Scarlet2*

        Yeah, I have no idea why LW wants to take that job. It sounds like their current situation is generally OK and they just feel it’s “time to move on”. Why leave for a job that only seems to have downsides? The situation would be different if they had been laid off or if their current job situation was unbearable and they needed to find a new job asap.
        But in this case, I really don’t understand why they try so hard to make this work when it looks like such a bad fit to their situation.

        Reply ↓
  5. bamcheeks*

    LW5, the key word here is EMERITUS— this is a retired professor with no formal power, and if he’s pressuring grad students to contribute to self-published books, it is unlikely that he holds a huge amount of soft power either. (If he was still seriously active as a researcher in the field, he would be working with other academics.)

    This is someone you owe normal amounts of good manners too, but he is not a professional superior who you have to keep sweet because he has power over your hiring/firing/income. It’s fine to ignore his emails and and say, “oh how interesting, no I wouldn’t be able to but good luck!” in person.

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    1. Upside down Question Mark*

      So much this. the problem with emeritus profs in some cases is they aren’t making enough pension and are pushed to keep publishing to try and make a bit of extra cash (very country dependant, clearly). Or it could simply be a retiree who just can’t let go, especially when his research was his whole identity. Unless he’s critical for a reference, board member nomination or the like, don’t feel bad about letting it go. The man needs a personal life to turn to.

      Reply ↓
  6. Clementine*

    For #1, it’s so obvious that a few days per month are soon going to morph into numerous required visits per month. I don’t think a 2.5-hour commute each way is sustainable for most people, even if it only is 1/3 or 1/2 the workdays.

    What isn’t clear is how urgent it is to leave the current job, and if there is any possibility of other prospects. This situation needs a major rethink.

    Reply ↓
  7. Palmer*

    #3 strikes me as being a minute counter.

    There is downtime between clients in most industries, and spending that time to get ready is reasonable, it is a task that needs to be done for workers to wrap up their day, they need to do that because of work. If they have to spend time after they clocked out to get their things together, that’s just a business trying to steal their time and is wage theft.

    Also, LW didn’t provide any complaints that the clients don’t feel welcomed, just their perception which seems in a sort of bad faith argument.
    If there is an issue with the business hours, the business should expand those hours, consider winding down who is up front on an alternating basis, or provide better storage locations for folks who are packed up.

    No mention of industry also leaves a question of how long clients take to handle. If it’s a long period, there needs to be a better organization, if it’s 5 minutes, then the end of the days are probably slow, it’s more motivating to let some workers get finished early.

    Overall it feels penny wise pound foolish. By micromanaging worker’s clocks that will discourage them from going above and beyond. That harms a business far more than a few ‘Oh, looks like its close to closing time’ perceptions from customers

    Reply ↓
  8. Carrie*

    For the remote-work LW, I was in a similar situation a few years back. My ‘remote’ job required at least 4 days a month in-office and it was a 5-hour round trip by car (longer and more stressful by bus/train). I was tired and miserable, unproductive during the office days due to being exhausted from the journey in and dreading the trip home, less productive the day following due to residual exhaustion; all I can say is don’t do it!

    Reply ↓
  9. cncx*

    Yeah, we need more information for number 3. Like AAM said, is there a bus or train that needs catching? More importantly, how are these people being compensated: does their day’s compensation end at 5:15? Do they get paid for the time to pack up? Is there otherwise hard and fast minute counting rules about breaks and lunch? Because if I am only getting paid until 5:15, I am out the door at 5:15. If I am getting nickled and dimed on my lunch break, I am also out the door at 5:15. If, like in a previous employer, I am getting ridden to bill my hours down to the minute, I am also not staying past 5:15 because that is more minutes I “can’t bill.” This job had hotdesking. I couldn’t clock in until my computer was set up. Depending on windows updates and the like, I was already giving the company ten to fifteen minutes in the morning.

    Reply ↓
  10. Spooz*

    #2: You can recover from this! Truly! Send ONE email stating that you realise you left the room in a mess, explaining that something urgent came up that meant you weren’t able to tidy up as you usually would, you are sorry that this happened, and you don’t anticipate it happening again.

    You don’t need to make a huge apology but it sounds like it would make you feel better.

    Then scrub it from your mind and skip off into the sunset!

    Reply ↓

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