open thread – January 24, 2025

by Alison Green on January 24, 2025

It’s the Friday open thread!

The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers.

* If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer.

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  1. new manager needing advice*

    What’s the best way to run a yearly appraisal with an employee who’s had a bit of a rocky year and has already received feedback on that point. My direct report was moved onto my team at the start of last year. Initially my DR was a top performer. Then toward the middle of the year their performance dipped. We have monthly 1-2-1 meetings, so we addressed that problem and their performance improved. Toward end of last year there was a drop off again, but it was end of year, we were all exhausted and I was willing to let it slide. After a 2 week vacation my DR returned to work and performance continued to slip culminating in dropping the ball in a way that was impactful outside our immediate team/department. I addressed this again in our 1-2-1 this month and set out what I needed to see in terms of improvement and what would happen if performance improved and then dropped a third time (thank you Alison!).

    How would you recommend I handle the yearly appraisal meeting next month? Our internal training for managers always said appraisals should be forward looking and positive where possible, with concerns over performance being raised separately. I’m assuming they meant don’t sit on a year’s worth of complaints and then dump them on your DR once a year in a single meeting. But considering there will only be 1 month between our last 1-2-1 and the appraisal, how much time (if any) should I give to covering the same ground?

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    1. Kes*

      I mean I don’t see how you can run a yearly appraisal without looking back over the year. I would go over how things have gone this year, but at a high level and without dwelling on issues you’ve already addressed, and then move on from there to talking about what you’re hoping to see this year and this year’s goals.

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    2. Victor WembanLlama*

      Not that you asked, but would it be more effective if you had weekly 1-1s with the strggling employee? Monthly seems way to far in between. meetings

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    3. PX*

      I’d focus on looking at the year as a whole and basically summarising what you said here. Periods of good performance, perhaps focus on skills or projects that went well – but then acknowledging that consistency has been an issue. I’d aim to leave the person feeling hopeful that as long as they resolve the current performance issues, their general performance is good and they can eventually start to focus on whatever next steps might look like for them in the role.

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    4. Artificial morning person*

      I’d kick it off by acknowledging that you’ve just had a discussion about the performance issues, then move on to bigger picture stuff. What are their goals for the year (other than not get fired/put on a PIP, I guess), and what they’ll need to do to achieve them. Take the focus off the performance issues and talk about what they’d like to do and what they’re interested in. I don’t think there’s a need to rehash everything you talked about a month ago outside of a reminder that their performance does need to improve and stay at a high level because you know that they’re capable of it. Do you know what’s causing the performance drops?

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    5. municipal*

      I think you can start with a cursory recognition that it has been a tough year. Stress the clean slate of a new year and a new chance to return to top performing status.

      They already know what they need to do to keep their job, so talk mostly about how they have a track record of coming back strong after a setback and discuss big-picture strategies for achieving the stamina or pacing or whatever they will need to stay on top of their responsibilities without the interventions that they had this year.

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    6. JFC*

      I think this is an opportunity to take a big picture look at the multiple performance drops and lack of consistency. I’m guessing you’ve addressed some of the issues with individual tasks and projects in the one-on-ones (which, FYI, feel like they should be happening more frequently if this employee keeps having issues). I’d focus on the pattern and the consequences if there is not sustained improvement.

      These sound like serious issues that are having significant impacts on your company. Don’t take that lightly or make excuses for the person. It may be a good time to take a firmer stance and outline clear expectations, establish more frequent check-ins and prepare yourself and the employee for the possibility that a major change may be needed. Maybe that means letting the person go. Maybe it means adjusting their responsibilities or role. No one is on their A game every single day, but seeing numerous performance declines without consistent improvement is highly troublesome.

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    7. Qwerty*

      The annual appraisal should cover the whole year but not dwell on it. If you documented previous check ins, I find it really help to pull directly from those – speeds up my writing and that way DR has seen everything before.

      Probably a good conversation structure would be
      1. Acknowledge the previous year had its ups and downs
      2. Summary of performance over the year – mention both strengths and weaknesses as well as a 1-2 sentence timeline since performance progress has been non-linear
      3. Plan for next year – Focus the bulk of the conversation on this. Set expectations for next year, what are the most critical areas to focus on for now, and what *you* are planning to do to provide support

      For example, given the inconsistent performance, is there someone who could be named a mentor to meet with this employee regularly? Anything that it might be helpful to get a refresher training course? Do you need to meet with them more frequently? Anyone who is struggling should be getting weekly check-ins

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    8. Yes And*

      The training to be positive and forward looking ought to mean (and hopefully does) not that you shouldn’t acknowledge problems, but that you should focus on solving them. It sounds like your DR already knows they’ve been slipping up – now what are you going to do about it? What specific goals can you set for them, and how can you set them up to succeed in achieving those goals? I don’t know enough about your situation to suggest what changes might be in order, but more frequent meetings might be a good start (as another commenter suggested).

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    9. HR Exec Popping In*

      As other said, I would lay out what you saw as a whole – inconsistent performance that occasionally needed intervention. As for the “looking forward” part, this often means that you should set what your expectations are for the upcoming year. Something along the lines of, “Fergus, as we look ahead to 2025 I need to consistently maintain an acceptable level of performance. You have demonstrated the ability to perform well when you focus on XYZ so I know you can be successful if you continue to do that.”

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    10. Harlowe*

      appraisals should be forward looking

      So they want you to predict the future? This makes zero sense. Of course you address the things they did in the year that just ended. That’s how the fourth dimension works.

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  2. Surviving, Not Thriving*

    Fellow feds- what are you doing right now to stay sane and focused? At the moment big work-related emotions feel corrosive rather than productive, and I really need to hear how people have coped with massive negative change that they have no control over.

    I’d really love solutions other than “get another job”, which of course is always an option. Also, let’s try to keep this as politics-free as possible so that Alison doesn’t end up having to delete the thread.

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    1. Spreadsheet Queen*

      Sending you good vibes.

      Many in the contractor community are having similar feelings. We don’t know the impacts yet either, and so there aren’t answers to reassure anyone. Of course nobody likes feeling out of control. I’m personally doing some head-in-the-sand stuff for now. Otherwise, too much is up in the air and I will end up catastrophizing which is no good for anyone.

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      1. ChemistryChick*

        Same here. We have a variety of programs at the moment coming from departments that I’m fairly confident are stable (looking at you, DoD), but we also have a fair number from places like DoE that, while in theory that money should already be there, we have no idea if we’ll receive stop work orders or have things revoked. Anxiety everywhere.

        I’m currently just trying to focus on what’s directly in front of me in the here and now.

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        1. Baldrick*

          I have a couple coworkers who started to complain about job security and I pointed out that they work with defense and aren’t allowed to complain near me because I can’t be sympathetic. I have good friends who have legitimate reasons to worry and I need to save myself for them. I know that my job isn’t guaranteed, but as you say some are more stable than others and I’m trying to appreciate that greater stability. I’m careful with my spending as it’s one of the few things that I can control.

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    2. PivotPivot*

      I don’t have any real advice just commiseration. I am fed adjacent and the anxiety is real. I just try and keep my head down, do my job, and know that if my department is axed, it isn’t my fault.
      The only advice I DO have is to update your resume so that if your department is axed or you are laid off you will be prepared to start looking.

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      1. WeirdChemist*

        Also download your SF50, E&L statements, leave balances, etc so you can have them available in case you very suddenly lose access to the gov HR sites!

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      2. FedToo*

        I supervise several groups, and while I personally know nothing, I have started saying please remember the work we do is important, we are valuable employees who are serving our country at every meeting. I’ve repeated it multiple times and notice a few others picking up and doing the same. I think it’s important to remember this because the rhetoric around us isn’t the same as a toxic company or hostile takeover or difficult changes- we are being publicly shamed, insulted, and in some cases threatened and our firings celebrated across the country. It’s a deliberate attempt to demoralize us.

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    3. OrdinaryJoe*

      Currently dealing with a similar, nonpolitical thing in my office due to major (not Presidential major!) changes in leadership. I’m mostly focusing on what I can control – primarily MY reactions and MY feelings – and not getting sucked into the drama and complaining cycle. I’m focusing on my job and the fact that I’m making a good salary and the parts of my job I enjoy.

      If you can’t control it, don’t try to control it … “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” sort of mantra.

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    4. Scott*

      I was thinking about asking a similar question. I’ve been 90% WFH for just over a year in my current position. The thing is, this arrangement was made part of the sell to get me to take this position as I would lose my private office at our work location. I’ve not been told anything officially about whether I need to be back in the office full-time, but it’s certainly been constantly on my mind. I’ve had colleagues message me to ask if I have to do that.

      So, I’m just trying to stay focused on the positive things about my role in the org. Know that you and all other fellow feds have someone commiserating with you.

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      1. Putting the Dys in Dysfunction*

        WFH is my most immediate concern. I’ve been full time WFH for a long time, far, far away from the office. I have a life here and a family.

        I do my best to keep in mind that we don’t know what kind of leeway supervisors will have, and I’m also trying to figure out Plan B and Plan C.

        Beyond that, I think about the much larger challenges that women, undocumented folks, trans folks, and other targets of institutionalized vitriol are facing.

        Reply ↓
        1. Scott*

          I wholeheartedly agree with your last sentence. It’s easy for us to get caught up in things that directly affect us, but it’s important to keep perspective. Thank you for adding that as a reminder.

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    5. PX*

      Focus on the things you *do* have control over. Work on compartmentalizing to the best of your ability. Find ways to inject kindness into your life whether in or out of work.

      And if all else fails, maybe refer back to the 1944 CIA manual on workplace sabotage ;)

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      1. Pocket Mouse*

        And one thing you do have control over: helping expose abuses of power. ProPublica is a fantastic journalism organization that does just that, at all times, regardless of who’s in power. They take security and privacy seriously, too—they have secure tip hotlines, Signal contact info, and more. Can be found with a Google search, but I’ll also put a link in a follow-up reply here.

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      2. epicdemiologist*

        Coincidentally I was just looking at that. Some of it reads like an eerily prescient description of a dysfunctional academic department.

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    6. TB3*

      Honestly, the best way to deal with the massive uncertainty of the future is to focus on the present. I don’t mean doom-scrolling the news. I mean – look at the daily to-do list; focus on a project that you are accomplishing right now; focus on your relationships with family and friends and be present for them. I helps me to feel like I’m accomplishing something for someone and having an impact on some small slice of my world right now.

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    7. DowncastFed*

      Not very well. I made a rule to stop reading news/reddit after 6pm so I could sleep, and it’s all culminating in a migraine today anyway.

      Being mandated to report on colleagues? Getting an email from our agency head saying our colleagues work was shameful and illegal? Being told to change our remote/telework plans asap? I think it’s absolutely normal that this would affect mood/morale.

      Basically, I need this advice too.

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      1. Throwaway Account*

        I apologize bc I’m avoiding all news right now for my own mental health – but that means I have no idea what is happening. I had no idea of the things you are describing and I am so sorry to all of you!

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    8. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Question for y’all: I’ve had a few requests to do an open thread specifically for federal employees who are grappling with all of this. My initial take is that things are currently so unclear it’s too early for that to be very useful and that it would be more useful a little further down the road (and I also don’t want to create a whole thread that can’t do much more than stir fear and speculation). Thoughts?

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      2. Anon for this*

        I agree with your take, Alison, with respect to specific work strategies for feds (not dismissing the coping strategies/self-care aspects! – which are quite general and always on the menu in AAM threads). Others of us who are fed-dependent will be dealing with things too, I’m sure.

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      3. TooTiredToThink*

        I agree that it is too soon. Agencies are supposed to have plans in place by EOD today, so by Thursday it should work. Obviously if there’s more guidance before then, sooner. But not today or Monday. But I’d appreciate it, for sure.

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        1. Spreadsheet Queen*

          Mostly this. But people whose job offers were just rescinded may want to talk sooner. (I am hearing about this from people I know.) There were people slated to start next week whose offers were rescinded and now they don’t have a job at all (because they gave notice at their prior employer). Unless they were some kind of magical unicorn, I can’t imagine the employer they just left would take them back, even though their old position is probably not filled yet. But they resigned so no unemployment? (Or would this be a special case? I don’t know how that works).

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      4. Justin*

        I think you sort of answered it – maybe it’s two threads.

        Part 1 where people can vent (fed employees and also people whose jobs depend on fed contracts). And then a Part 2 in like… March? Where more is clear?

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      6. All Natural Gas Man*

        As a federal employee, I think having a thread about ways you can cope with uncertain leadership/directives and still stay focused on your work and mission would be helpful. It doesn’t have to be focused *just* on federal employees, but on anyone who is dealing or has dealt with really uncertain times at their jobs and the future of their career.

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      7. Putting the Dys in Dysfunction*

        Well, I had been thinking of sending in an inquiry:

        I’ve been working for a large organization that just underwent a hostile takeover. The CEO and the rest of upper management is psychotic and vindictive. The benefits we’ve enjoyed are being actively and swiftly undermined. Line employees are facing at will dismissals and are being told that their work is worthless or even evil.

        HR has been infected by the same malevolence and exists only to further the dictatorial edicts of the CEO.

        With so many employees about to either quit or be fired, the job market is saturated, and jobs will be hard to come by. Morale is in the sewer, and people are afraid to even talk about it.

        How can we make it through these times?

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      8. OrwellianTimes*

        Multiple threads are needed. Sure it may be too early to talk the devastation of RTO. But what about the firing of DEI folks, the directive to report on fellow coworker, the rescinding of job offers, the cancellation of NIH and similar grants, the collection of names for firing (people on probation, schedule C, etc). More generally, the canary in the mine of targeting public servants, who are mostly average American citizens.

        I am not encouraging panic, but alarm bells are ringing and all people – not just feds – should be paying attention.

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        1. Dancing Otter*

          What is schedule C in this context? When I googled it, all I got was the 1040 schedule for business income and expense.

          Reply ↓
          1. Watry*

            Once I removed the word profit from the search results, I got “A Schedule C appointment is a type of political appointment in the Federal government for those who serve in confidential or policy roles immediately subordinate to other appointees”.

            Reply ↓
          3. OrwellianTimes*

            Per OPM – “Appointments to other positions in which the incumbent serves at the pleasure of the agency head. These positions, commonly known as “Schedule C” positions, are excepted from competitive service rules by OPM based on their responsibility for determining or advocating agency policy, or their confidential character” (https://www.opm.gov/about-us/reports-publications/presidential-transition-guide-2020.pdf)

            It is a specific hiring authority.

            Reply ↓
        2. Elizabeth West*

          Yes, this won’t stay in the federal/contracting arena.
          If you were ever wondering what you would do during a certain period in history, you’re doing it now. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

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        3. not nice, don't care*

          Currently trying to suss out how much federal money my state agency gets. We’re already facing cuts cuts cuts and layoffs.

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      9. Throwaway Account*

        Maybe it would be helpful for the rest of us to know what is happening in Fed jobs? I’m intentionally not reading the news to manage what I’m exposed to, but I would like to hear from folks here about what is happening.

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      10. Tio*

        I think it’s too early, but that maybe a mention of it might be nice.

        Also, if you’d like to talk to someone about tariffs, let me know – I’m one of the customs brokers that’s always on here and I’d be down to discuss that issue

        Reply ↓
    9. TooTiredToThink*

      I’m staying sane because so far nothing that’s come out has surprised me and I had planned for it. Maybe because I’ve now been here long enough?

      I’m a remote worker, but this summer when I was debating about moving further away from DC, I was like – but yeah, if Trump wins, he’ll cancel remote work. So I stayed put. I also called the hiring freeze because he did it in 2016. Other people thought I was wrong, but…..

      And at the end of the day I am much more productive at home than I am in an office because I can focus and concentrate (I work for a call center, but am not on the phones). So I know I’m going to be much less productive and well, that’s just how it’s going to be. Also, my team are contractors spread across the country, so I’ll still be on Teams calls all day/every day.

      I don’t mind going back into the office. I’ll get used to it again. I have my preferences still, though. And now I’m older and wiser and know how to advocate for myself in other ways now too.

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      1. Scott*

        I am not surprised by the directives either.

        I don’t mind being in the office; in some ways I prefer it. Being in my home “office” (actually a spare bedroom) gets kinda lonely sometimes. My wife is home all day but does her own thing and respects my work space. For me, it’s the commute into and out of the District. I hate arriving to work and back home in a foul mood because of the ridiculous behaviors I see every day on the roads around here.

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          1. OrwellianTimes*

            I realize for many people that RTO is an inconvenience or not their preference. And I am grateful that for many that is all this will be. But for many people, especially marginalized groups, it is more than an inconvenience, it is financially and professionally harmful.

            For example, many working parents, especially moms, will be forced to quit. Those that don’t have to quit, will pay hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars in extra childcare. To be clear, people aren’t cheating the government and simultaneously working and caring for a child. But if you don’t have an hour commute, you can drop your kid off at the normal school/camp/care start time, but now you will have to pay a fee to drop your kid off “early”. That is just one of many examples.

            Also RTO is just the tip of the iceberg. There are clear plans to come for other benefits including union membership, locality pay, and more. The intent is to “traumatize” the federal workforce, make federal employees “villains,” and demoralize federal employees. There are direct quotes from the OMB nominee.

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            1. Heirloom Tomato Heiress*

              Yup, I don’t work for the gov but last week I had two full in person days and it made me very grateful I work from home 4/5 days. If I had to be in person 8-4:30 every day I would have had to quit (despite the enormous financial setback and the fact our insurance is through my job) because having that flexibility to get laundry done and dishes washed and a marginal amount of cleaning and dinner prepped during my lunch hour – obviously not all of those every day – is the only way we can manage a 2 working parent household with two little kids. Or we’d need a sitter every other day for an hour or two after work, or to pay a cleaner and for grocery delivery.

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            2. Momma Bear*

              Also bear in mind that there’s a lack of affordable childcare in general and even if (for example) your kid’s school has on-site before and after care, it may be full. Or maybe your WFH was a reasonable accommodation for a disability.

              “Also RTO is just the tip of the iceberg. There are clear plans to come for other benefits including union membership, locality pay, and more. The intent is to “traumatize” the federal workforce, make federal employees “villains,” and demoralize federal employees. There are direct quotes from the OMB nominee.”

              Yup.

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              1. Heirloom Tomato Heiress*

                Yeah, part of my WFH was an accommodation for pumping due to a lack of hot water in our office… and we only got offered the spots at the daycare my twins are at after being on the list at literally I think 8 places as soon as we knew (I know part of it is because we needed two infant spots at the same time). We tried to find someone to come to us but no luck. It sucks to spend 3/4 of my income on childcare but at least we can “afford” it. (Ha, I am slowly going broke paying for it and counting the days until they change age ranges to the slightly less expensive rate to hopefully stop dipping into my savings).

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    10. All Natural Gas Man*

      I made a list of what I can control and what I can’t. For my list of what I can control, I’m choosing to find joyful moments in my work. I’m updating my resume, tightening my budget, evaluating my food stores (I have a real fear of food insecurity, so knowing that I have enough dry and canned goods to last me a few months takes away a lot of anxiety), connecting with co-workers, and creating a decision matrix of what my division can and can’t put down if we don’t actually get any seasonal employees this year.

      Also, every time I start to spiral into doom, I go for a little walk and do a sensory check in. What can I smell, feel, see, hear, and taste (I save chocolate and little treats for the taste part). I have a few sticky note reminders in my office, like “Do not let your joy be stolen”, “Do not obey in advance” and “My time is my own” for when I need a written reminder for my mental health.

      I also scheduled a few more check-ins with my therapist.

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    11. WeirdChemist*

      I put this as a sub comment, but wanted to repeat it in a more main one. If you haven’t already, download your personnel documents so that you can still access them in case any worst case scenario happens!

      In eOPF:
      -Click Show All Docs
      -Click either “Check All” or select individual document(s) you want (If selecting all make sure you click though all pages! Also this option will download everything into a single pdf)
      -Click Print Single Sided
      -On the left of the page, go to the Print Status tab
      -**Read the instructions for passwords carefully!!**
      -Click Refresh until available to view
      -Download/send/whatever the document. I would personally recommend renaming the document to include that processing number assigned to it!

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      1. eopf help needed*

        How are we supposed to save these for ourselves? I can only access EOPF through the firewall and IT blocks sending out pdfs that have SSN in them.

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        1. Anonymous non-government employee*

          Not a government employee here, but I do have an idea you could try. Can you download the document(s), then take screenshots and save them as images? Or just take screenshots and save as images? Might be worth a try.

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        3. WeirdChemist*

          The documents are downloaded with a password, which allows them to be sent through email. The instructions for what the password is will be found on the Print Status tab. After it’s sent, you can go to the pdf settings and remove the password!

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    12. AnonForThis*

      My sibling is currently doing a PhD with research through a government lab and has been told she may be unable to complete her PhD with less than a year left. It’s devastating. Her work is important for preventing a devastating disease.

      My organization is 50 states remote and while I could RTO, many of my colleagues will not and things will be a mess. I’m devastated for my trainee, who works from out of state and has young children.

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    13. Green Goose*

      I was at my previous employer for nine years and at one point in time I saw it as a forever job. I was treated with respect, I was passionate about my work, liked my coworkers and was regularly promoted and given salary increases. At my seven year mark the CEO decided to move on and then BOD hired Cruella de Vil to be our new President and CEO, it was the first leadership change I had experienced in my career and did not realize how bad the fall out would be.
      Cruella came in with promises of not changing much since our program was so strong (it was) and then the layoffs started, including my manager who had been a great advocate and mentor. She fired people and replaced them with her friends. She pushed all the leadership and 90% of the tenured staff out. She slashed programs that were literally the highest ranked programs by the vulnerable population that we served.
      Then the next round of layoffs, and the next. Then big programmatic changes, re-orgs, more people leaving. She also promoted a few staff to positions way out of their depth because they did not question her, one of the most egregious was taking a person who had less than one year working in HR and promoting them to the chief of people, so that that person would help with the mass layoffs without question, and then after all the dirty work was done Cruella let that person go. I’m still perplexed how all of that was legal.
      It also went from a pretty open and friendly environment to a culture of blame shifting and fear, it was really heartbreaking. I ended up staying the final two years because I was in the midst of having my two children and our maternity leave was about two months longer than what was required, and even though I was very unhappy, those extra two months with my baby made it worth it.
      On days that I felt better about the fact that my wonderful org had essentially been destroyed by someone and I had no control over it, I tried to focus on the things I could control. I could have extra time with my baby. I had a few friends at work who were not laid off and we ended up becoming much closer in my last year.
      So my advice is: Try to reach out to the people who are going through the same thing, go have lunch or a drink, and commiserate. It really did make the whole thing feel more manageable until I was able to find a new job. Some days were better than others, but the connections of those who “get it” really helped my mindset when I was watching a job and career I had really loved get pulled out from under me.
      I’m sorry you are going through this.

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    15. Festively Dressed Earl*

      Spouse is a WFH fed contractor who is dealing with a big project push along with the declarations and uncertainty. His sleep is already disrupted and energy levels are low. Things that help are making sure he doesn’t forget to eat and that lunch includes both protein and fruit/veggies, keeping any TV light and fun (high on comedies and cartoons, low on dramas), doing the same with books (he’s listening to the Xanth series right now), and listening to music designed to either energize or relax depending on what’s needed. Past experience shows that a quick walk outside at lunch or after work helps, but weather is preventing that right now.

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    16. Anon for this*

      I’m a contractor, and I literally came incredibly close to just quitting rather than help remove pages mentioning diversity, equity, or inclusion. However, I had some ideas on how to keep as much information as possible, and I’ve been talking about how it’s OK to not be OK. I think it’s helped my coworkers. And I’ve realized that even though doing this part makes me feel like I’m being complicit in the fascist campaign to retruthify everything, if I don’t stay at my job, they may not be able to replace me with another advocate. Chances are it would be someone who is all in on the bigotry etc. I thing it’s more helpful for me to keep pushing back as much as I can, rather than quit and risk some True Believer taking over.

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      1. AnonForThis*

        I honestly feel sick. That OPM email was horrible.

        I don’t want to let them win, but at what point do I become complicit. It’s been less than a week.

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    17. LifeisaDream*

      I’m a Canadian and could be a part of future collateral damage. A friend works for our federal govt and they’ve been ordered back to the office and they have to hot desk since their deparmental space was downsized. All I can offer is a sympathetic ear and I’m willing to listen to all manner of venting, rage, despair and hope.

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    18. Anon Fellow Fed For This*

      I’m a long time fed. I’ve been full-time teleworking since COVID, but I was teleworking a few days a week before that. The last time I went into the office 5 days a week, the year started with the number 1.

      I don’t want to go in at all, as I can easily do my work with little or no human contact most days, but at least going back to my pre-Covid schedule would be better than 5 days a week, if that is the end result. I think not knowing what’s going to happen is unnerving.

      Presumably, my union will fight if the order is anything but “you can keep following our collective bargaining agreement”, but who knows if they will succeed. It would help me personally if they could at least put it off for a while. I’m dealing with some medical stuff that will make commuting more challenging, but probably not bad enough to get an accommodation over and hopefully will improve in the near future. I feel badly for my co-workers dealing with things like daycare pick-up that can be wrecked by a longer commute.

      Reply ↓
  3. EngGirl*

    Does anyone else experience a very specific type of burnout in January? I feel like every year I come in on the second and by the fifth everything has gone off the rails.

    My current working theory is that holidays are stressful/busy so even though everyone is supposed to be coming back “relaxed and refreshed” no one really is. Then you factor in all of the “We’ll circle back after the holidays” type stuff. Then you add in all the “We’re launching a new initiative this year and we want to get a jump on it” craziness that almost always somehow fades away by April. All of this combined just absolutely drains me every year!

    Reply ↓
    1. snowglobe*

      Yeah, the ‘why is January such a sh*tshow’ feeling is real. I don’t have any helpful advice but I see it every year. Should be a fresh new start and instead it is just the worst.

      Reply ↓
    2. ashie*

      My birthday is January 11th and I feel like every year something terrible happens that week (in my personal/professional life specifically, not even counting general awfulness happening in the world). This year I found out my dog had a cancerous growth – yay surprise $1200 vet bill.

      Reply ↓
    3. londonedit*

      Oh, definitely. The Christmas holiday is fun but never ‘refreshing’, and at this point I can’t believe there’s still a whole week of January left to go because it feels like it’s been January for several months already!

      Reply ↓
    4. ferrina*

      My org decided to launch several new initiatives in January, didn’t do any prep work for any of them in Q4 (these are things that should have had 3-4 months of prep work), then when a totally forseeable surprise happened in January it tipped the already full plate into the trash.

      At this point, I just stocked up on popcorn and am letting the Powers-That-Be run themselves around like toddlers until they are ready for their nap. Meanwhile, I’m quietly getting my work done and occasionally moving sharp things out of their way so they don’t hurt themself.

      Reply ↓
    5. Falling Diphthong*

      One of my favorite short stories is Epiphany by Connie Willis, and it is set in that period after the new year when things seem to sag down to a lowest energy state. Like the fog of exhaustion, not the restoration of sleep. She really captures that feeling.

      He hated January… nothing to look forward to but Lent and taxes… half the congregation out with the flu… those who were there looking abandoned.

      Reply ↓
      1. Grogu's Mom*

        One of my favorite books is Doomsday Book specifically because she is SO good at capturing feelings that it’s as if you as the reader are as ill or exhausted as those in the story. Completely immersive.

        I agree January is awful, and one additional reason why is that we used to get real snow days in January where we suddenly got to stay home and rest our brains. Now, it’s only WFH days and our bodies just never get that unexpected but much-needed release from the exhaustion, when we finally get the days of peace and family togetherness that we had hoped for over the holidays.

        Reply ↓
    6. LadyMTL*

      January is awful, you’re definitely not alone. I live in Quebec and it’s cold, it gets dark so early, there’s nothing fun on the horizon (no holidays, no birthdays in my friend / family group) so it’s just a big drag. There might be some ‘winter blues’ in there too, I do know that I feel happier when it’s sunny out.

      I find that trying to focus on the fact that the month is almost over helps me a lot haha. Like this morning I looked at the calendar and said to myself “this time next week is the last day of January, yay!”

      Reply ↓
      1. Feral Humanist*

        I agree that January is a slog, in and out of work. The last few years were especially bad because of post-holiday covid surges, though that seems to be less of an issue this year. I wish that the fun part of winter didn’t seem to end on January 1st! There is so much of it left, but after the holidays people are exhausted and overwhelmed and seem to go into hibernation mode.

        This year I left up some of my less Christmassy Christmas decorations (blue and white icicle lights, a lit birch tree, etc).) and I’m throwing a Soup Swap party this weekend. I felt like we all needed something to look forward to (and trying to squeeze in a Christmas party between Christmas and New Year’s felt insane). Actually, I wish more offices did a post-holiday party. My grad department used to throw a “Winter Tea” in January in lieu of a holiday party in December when we were all stressed with final papers. But instead it’s all new initiatives and catching up on things we put off until “after the holidays.”

        Reply ↓
        1. Feral Humanist*

          That should be *trying to squeeze in a Christmas party between THANKSGIVING and Christmas felt insane*. My kingdom for an edit button.

          Reply ↓
    7. Burnt Out Librarian*

      Some years I do come back refreshed but this time around I’m just more bitter. But I think that’s because my burn-out was not caused by the need for a break, it’s caused by issues and environment that aren’t changing, and now I’ve got more bad stuff on my plate coming up in addition to dissatisfaction with my job.

      I feel like after the past few years, we all just need to take a year off to do some healing but thanks to ~capitalism~ that’s never going to happen.

      Reply ↓
    8. JFC*

      I feel like I haven’t gotten a good handle on the year at all. I’m barely keeping up, and some surprising health issues have cropped up that I am 1000% sure are stress-related. I have some family stress in addition to a crushing workload that is only getting heavier. The company is bound and determined to have a special initiative anytime anything remotely unusual is happening, despite them being unprofitable time sucks. Plus, I live in the South, which got a very rare snowstorm this week and essentially shut everything down (please don’t laugh, Northerners!). It was fun while it lasted, but it will take a while to catch up since many projects have been delayed.

      Reply ↓
    9. AFac*

      January is always tough for me because that’s when we do evaluations of the previous year. So it’s not just “new initiative” and “circle back”, it’s also “contemplate all the things you did wrong last year” and “make a plan for how to be better in some nebulous way” and all of that is just draining.

      Plus everyone is sending out tax info which is just a preview for the stress of doing taxes.

      Reply ↓
    10. cmdrspacebabe*

      At least in my experience, people tend to spend a lot of December gleefully procrastinating on non-urgent files because “That’s can wait for next year!!!”

      Then January comes and suddenly everyone is starting back from vacation and following up on all those non-urgent files, which means we’re using our Post-Vacation Brains to try and address a backlog we’ve forgotten the details for on top of all the regular stuff (while half the staff are still out of office). (:

      Reply ↓
    11. Cyndi*

      Not at work, but this is the second January in a row where I’ve been clogged up by a run of the kind of problems that sound like an undergrad making up excuses for a late paper. Last year I had endless sniffles, and then slept so “funny” I had a cramp in my neck for weeks painful enough I missed work because of it, and then got food poisoning!

      This year it’s been a sprained ankle, my fridge being broken, and yesterday when I tried to leave for work the doorknob came off in my hand. Also I think my phone battery is on its way out.

      Reply ↓
    12. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      A lot of it, I think, is the “circle back after the holidays”. In late December a lot of people get used to a relatively light workload – they’re tying up loose ends, focusing on existing projects, etc. not starting up new projects or having big deliverables or a billion meetings. And then the first couple weeks of January ramp all that stuff up again – all the cans that got kicked down the road are here now. So now you have all those presentations and meetings and project kickoffs and etc.

      Plus in many parts of the world January is cold and dark but without the holidays to provide something to look forward to or some cheer, so there’s the purely physiological “it’s dark and cold and I just want to curl up with a blanket and/or cat and/or warm beverage” aspect.

      Reply ↓
    13. VinegarMike*

      I feel like this year was particularly rough because of it starting midweek. So some people were back from the holiday on the 2nd, then a whole new group came back on the 6th. (And personally then I got COVID somewhere in there.) I feel like I’ve tried to reset the month 4 times and it’s almost over.

      As I said on January 13th somewhere, don’t be upset that you’re just finally starting the year, be happy that you’re able to start at all. Unfortunately, I’m needing to tell myself about that for next Monday too probably.

      Reply ↓
      1. JFC*

        Yes, I agree on the midweek part. Most of my department was back on the 2nd, but a handful didn’t start back until the 6th, as well as most of our clients. Then, I was out all day on the 8th for training (which was great, but hard to miss a full day when you’re trying to get back in the groove). Our offices were closed Monday for MLK, and most businesses have been shut down all the rest of this week because of the snowstorm (we haven’t gotten this much snow in literally 130 years).

        I like to keep something similar to a bullet journal to keep myself on track and accountable, but I have been struggling mightily with being consistent lately.

        Reply ↓
        1. NOLA*

          I suspect we live in the same or a similar place. The “once in a lifetime” snow REALLY did not help my January malaise, coupled with the New Year’s attack. And a late Mardi Gras which means the usual fun distractions aren’t quite going on yet.

          Everything feels hard and heavy, and it’s been especially tough for me to get into the “innovate and disrupt” mindset that my work wants me to have, since I am still processing all of these “unprecedented events.” I am remote so I am the only one at work who had to deal with all of this.

          Everything we said in December was due “next year” is now due immediately, because it is next year, and everyone is panicking.

          Reply ↓
    14. Lucy P*

      The beginning of January was tough this year. Had a lot of things to do before the office closed for the holidays. Many things left undone. Then we came back, still had all of the work from December, plus extra because end of the year tax things had to be done. I was supposed to be using this week to catch up and then snowmageddon happened causing the whole area to be closed for 3 days.

      Reply ↓
    15. Slippers*

      ::looks up from job searching in-between pushing forward a project that launches in 10 days::

      Burnout? whatever do you mean???

      (Pretty sure I did this last year, too… and the year before that is when I landed this job. that I applied for in February.)

      Reply ↓
    16. Dancing Otter*

      Well, in Accounting there’s good reasons: year-end close; annual financial statements / report to shareholders / SEC filings; auditors; tax reports (W2s, 1099s, info for the corporate return)…
      For years, I always had pneumonia by the end of the month from having to work sick.

      Reply ↓
    17. Elitist Semicolon*

      I wonder to what extent this is a product of the cultural emphasis placed on the new year through resolutions or ads like “new year, new you!” or even just saying “See you next year!” All that sets up an unconscious (or conscious) assumption that something’s going to be different, and then when everything instead is more of the same, we’re all like, “…oh.”

      Reply ↓
    18. katertot*

      Totally. I was smug this year, and actually said that January was going by quicker than I thought it had in the past… I didn’t feel the same “new year new you” energy that sometimes I feel, but the upside is that time just kept moving along for the first couple weeks of January. But then January January-d! And it feels like it’s been Jan. 21st for approximately seventeen weeks now. At least I’m noticing a later sunset, and that’s always a good sign.

      Reply ↓
    19. Mads*

      This is exactly why my husband and I go on vacation to somewhere warm in January or February. I hate the let down of the holidays, and the dark cold days. This year we are going for 10 days to the DR but some years we take 4 days and go to Florida. It is something to look forward to and breaks up the winter.

      Reply ↓
    20. CrabbyPatty*

      Yes, I do too. To be honest I am kind of in “wait-it-out” mode. I’m doing my simple daily stuff, trying to be responsive to colleagues in person and by email, and keeping in mind that this is something that I expected and that it will get better, it always does. A lot of it is mental health related winter doldrums which I have learned to keep in perspective. Also, I’m at a university so we have two full weeks of vacation over the holidays. And the two weeks of December leading up to it aren’t really very productive! I’m the only admin staffer in my department so students and faculty have decamped and there’s not a lot to do. So… a full month of hibernation makes it hard to speed back up in January. I’ve almost made it, though!

      Reply ↓
      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        I got an email from L’Occitane with a special offer on their products on Monday as it was officially the most miserable and depressing day of the year.

        Lavender shower gel aside, it’s that period of the year when payday is still to come, the credit card bill is higher and the projects which were supposed to wait until later in the year are already getting started. There were several things I knew were on the horizon at work, but they arrived all at the same time, so I have been juggling priorities with my boss.

        Reply ↓
    21. Gumby*

      Yes, but it’s balanced out by the fact that two of my favorite things start in mid-to-late January: the NCAA gymnastics competitive season and the ballet company’s season to which I am a subscriber. Those put me in a better mood in general. But adding to the stressful side: year end close. Both work and a non-profit at which I am the treasurer (a volunteer role) use the calendar year for their fiscal year. Fun!

      Reply ↓
    22. chocomonster*

      I always save an advent calendar (with treats — usually chocolate) for January. December there are so many other festive things happening, but January when I really need the rewards/daily positivity.

      (Back when I lived in a colder climate, February would be even worse!)

      Reply ↓
  4. The Prettiest Curse*

    Where would you prefer to see the salary listed in a job ad? I sometimes re-post our job listings (note: I’m not an HR person so don’t have any involvement in hiring or in writing job ads) so your responses will be really useful to me!

    When re-posting ads, I always list the salary info at the top under the job title, unless the website format makes it go elsewhere. My thought process is that I don’t want to waste people’s time by making them read the whole job description and then find out that the salary isn’t in their preferred range. This is also my own preference for job ads when I’m job hunting. But I’d be interested to hear if people prefer the salary to be listed somewhere else.

    Reply ↓
    1. snowglobe*

      My personal rule of thumb is that I won’t apply to a job that doesn’t publicly list a salary. I take it as a sign that they will try to low-ball me.

      Reply ↓
      1. snowglobe*

        Now realise I misread your question. Top of the posting would be my preference so I can scan along with job title and move on.

        Reply ↓
    2. Balanceofthemis*

      I like the salary at the top as well. It saves time and often, when put at the bottom or in the job description, it takes me a couple read throughs to find it.

      Reply ↓
    3. CeeDoo*

      As long as it’s not buried in the text of the job description, I’m fine. Very top or very bottom, so it stands out. I’ll scroll the job description and find the salary, then go back and actually read the description.

      Reply ↓
      1. Falling Diphthong*

        The top, or very bottom: any location that is easy to hit when quickly scanning, to determine if you should go back and read this one carefully.

        There’s a rule about the person reviewing resumes and cover letters spending 30 seconds to scan and then reject if it doesn’t fit. This is the opposite side of that–people are scanning, rejecting everything that is clearly a bad fit, then spending more time on things that might be a good fit.

        Reply ↓
    4. Audrey Puffins*

      As early as possible. I know what my skills are worth, so when I’m on a website I filter by wage then start narrowing down my options from there.

      Reply ↓
    5. MsM*

      Top, please. If it’s way out of line with my expectations, no point wasting both our time. If it’s a little off, I’ll still read to see if there are other factors that might compensate.

      Reply ↓
    7. Momma Bear*

      Another vote for at the top, right under the title and things like FT/hybrid, etc. Kind of a bottom line upfront situation.

      Reply ↓
    8. Eleri*

      Yes, but only if it’s a meaningful number. I saw a lot of jobs last year where the salary was listed like “80k-300k per year”, and that is absolutely garbage. That is such an insanely wide range that it makes listing the salary performative. Sometimes the listing would qualify it with “base salary 80k with potential bonuses/benefits/etc” but most of the time, they didn’t. On that note – I would also qualify any number – if it’s “total comp valued at 100k” then list that, but if it’s “base 100k”, make sure that is mentioned too. I interviewed for a few jobs that didn’t qualify the number, so I applied and did interviews, only to find out that the base was like 50k below the posted number – and there was no way the “benefits” made up for that.

      Reply ↓
      1. Banana Pyjamas*

        I despise total compensation values. I want to know the wages explicitly. Ideally they disclose the cost of benefits or link to some sort of benefits summary.

        Reply ↓
      2. The Prettiest Curse*

        Most of our salary ranges have around £5k difference between the top and bottom figures. Occasionally there will be one with a bigger range, but that’s generally only for positions where applicants can have several different levels of qualification. (Also, we’re a university, so people are more likely to realise they probably won’t get to the top of the range at the start due to grading rules.)

        Reply ↓
        1. Banana Pyjamas*

          I’m that case, I have seen either base pay or range stated, with a breakdown Title 1 is a class/schedule a position, Title 2 is a class/schedule b position and a link to the document that shows pay bands by class/schedule.

          Reply ↓
    9. Antilles*

      I think listing it at the top is most ideal, because it’s the only part of your ad that has the potential to instantly end a candidate’s interest. So it’s more efficient for candidates to be able to very quickly see that nope, this salary doesn’t work for me rather than reading the whole job description before seeing the number doesn’t work.
      That said, as long as you list the range somewhere and the range is tight enough to provide real information about the ballpark salary, you’re firmly in the range of “good enough for a job ad”.

      Reply ↓
    11. M2*

      We put it at the end and prefer it that way. It is accessible and says “Salary” so if you search for it, you can find it and is separate from everything else.

      I find when it has been at the top some people just apply without looking to see if they are actually qualified or have the skills needed. I think jobs should have the salary in them, but I think at the bottom with other information is preferable. I do scroll to see if it is listed, but then do read the job description to make sure I am qualified/have the skills needed.

      I personally have found when salary is right in beginning we have more applications, but a higher % are not qualified and clearly just applied due to title/company/salary. It makes more work on my end since I read them all and don’t have HR screen out. The one time there was a screening they sent me some of these unqualified candidates and screened out one that looked to be a good fit. Maybe it was a mistake or an off day, but since then I have always checked.

      Reply ↓
        1. Enough*

          I see it as not wasting everyone’s time. Hiring managers don’t want to waste time on the unqualified and applicants don’t want to spend time on something they aren’t qualified for.

          Reply ↓
    12. mreasy*

      I always scroll down to the salary before reading. As long as you’re listing it, you’re ahead of the game! (Even here in NY where it’s ostensibly the law…)

      Reply ↓
      1. Justin*

        My mom helped fight for that law legally (she runs a womens’ legal nonprofit) so I’m glad it’s helping people. It helped me too because I have done hiring since then (I got my job right before it took effect).

        Reply ↓
    14. Elizabeth West*

      At the top. Also, I like to see if it’s full-time or part-time, remote/hybrid/onsite, and also if you’re looking for local candidates only.

      Reply ↓
    15. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      Also, if it’s relevant in your area, prominently provide the ACTUAL location, not just the metro area. I cannot tell you how many times, when job searching in the DC metro area, I’ve filtered my search to DC and MD, seen listings advertising themselves as in “Washington, DC”, and found that they are in fact 20+ miles deep into Virginia.

      Reply ↓
      1. Nightengale*

        I had actual multiple phone interviews and was halfway through a whole onsite interview day in Baltimore before I learned they were planning to put the person hired at a clinic either an hour drive to the south or an hour drive east of Baltimore. Sure the hiring hospital is in Baltimore but those jobs would not, practically speaking, have been in Baltimore

        I’m still not sure if they planned to tell me if I hadn’t made a fuss about wanting to see the actual clinic as part of my tour.

        Reply ↓
        1. Jinni*

          As a friend who just got moved to the hinterlands of Maryland with a hospital purchase, and promptly quit a couple of months in…they may not have told you.

          Reply ↓
    16. LaminarFlow*

      I don’t have a preference on where the salary is posted. If it makes sense in terms of formatting, keep it at the top.

      My main beef with salary being listed is when companies list ranges that are ridiculous. Ex: 50k-500k. That tells me whoever posted the listing didn’t pay attention to the actual salary, or the company is too unorganized to give a real range.

      Reply ↓
    17. Generic Name*

      At the top. I have a technical job, and I have about 20 years of experience, but I might be interested in jobs that are for 10+ years of experience if they pay enough. Scrolling through a long job posting to see that I’d be taking a major downgrade in pay is annoying.

      Reply ↓
    18. Tammy 2*

      I prefer at the top when possible.

      I’ve found that jobs with titles and top-level descriptions that sound like a possible match could pay anywhere from 50-150% of what I currently make depending on the actual scope of the role, so it’s important for me to see the salary right away–both because I need to know the salary, and because it’s a good way to judge whether the job is actually a good match for my experience and goals.

      Reply ↓
    19. Green Goose*

      At the top is great, but I’m fine as long as it is somewhere in the job description. I notice it tends to be at the bottom so when I see a job I like I immediately start scrolling to the bottom to see the range. I live in a state that requires companies to post salary ranges.

      Reply ↓
    20. Jinni*

      At the bottom? Mainly because a majority that land in my email are formatted that way. (I’m in CA – so there could be some rhyme or reason to the way they’re done here of which I’m unaware).

      There was a job ad today in my email that wanted the sun/moon/stars from an attorney. I had to scroll twice to see that it was $27/hr…

      I usually scroll down, see what it pays, then read the description.

      Reply ↓
    21. Ginger Cat Lady*

      If it’s in the listing AT ALL, then I am happy.
      Is your job listing so long that scrolling to find the salary is a huge waste of time? Then maybe shorter descriptions are the answer.

      Reply ↓
      1. fhqwhgads*

        Yes, that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a listing long enough that it made me feel like I’d wasted my time by reading the whole thing before seeing the salary. But also if I didn’t want to read the whole thing without knowing the salary, I’d scroll to the bottom.

        Reply ↓
    22. Ama*

      I agree with everyone that top is preferable. If you ever hire for not full time roles I would also appreciate putting the estimated hours per week or month right under the salary. I have been looking at part-time contract roles lately and a lot of people separate those two pieces of info so I have to search for it. It makes a huge difference to my interest if a job that pays $400 a month is for an estimated 8-10 hours (which is a normal hourly rate for the kind of freelancing I do) or if it’s for 20 hours.

      Reply ↓
  5. new manager*

    What’s the best way to run a yearly appraisal with an employee who’s had a bit of a rocky year and has already received feedback on that point. My direct report was moved onto my team at the start of last year. Initially my DR was a top performer. Then toward the middle of the year their performance dipped. We have monthly 1-2-1 meetings, so we addressed that problem and their performance improved. Toward end of last year there was a drop off again, but it was end of year, we were all exhausted and I was willing to let it slide. After a 2 week vacation my DR returned to work and performance continued to slip culminating in dropping the ball in a way that was impactful outside our immediate team/department. I addressed this again in our 1-2-1 this month and set out what I needed to see in terms of improvement and what would happen if performance improved and then dropped a third time (thank you Alison!).

    How would you recommend I handle the yearly appraisal meeting next month? Our internal training for managers always said appraisals should be forward looking and positive where possible, with concerns over performance being raised separately. I’m assuming they meant don’t sit on a year’s worth of complaints and then dump them on your DR once a year in a single meeting. But considering there will only be 1 month between our last 1-2-1 and the appraisal, how much time (if any) should I give to covering the same ground?

    Reply ↓
    1. ferrina*

      If this is a documented yearly appraisal (is this the same as a review?), then be honest. Highlight the ups, be direct about the downs, and document the journey. None of this should be new for the DR- it sounds like you were communicating the whole time. Sometimes it’s helpful for them to see the journey laid out back-to-back (rather than one thing at a time). That can help identify patterns for them.

      Be direct in your conversation. Recite what has happened. Don’t sugarcoat any struggles, but also be clear on where they did well.
      Bonus- if they act like any of this is a surprise to them, that will give you valuable information. Maybe you weren’t being as clear as you thought, or maybe they haven’t been as self-aware as you thought.
      Good luck! This can be an emotionally tough convo to have, but it’s the right thing.

      Reply ↓
  6. chocolate muffins*

    Work joys thread: It’s a new semester here and I was excited to teach the first day of my class. It’s always fun to meet students for the first time and think about the conversations we’re going to have over the next few months. What made you happy at work this week?

    Reply ↓
    1. CeeDoo*

      Houston had 2 snow days and I used one of them to read Onyx Storm. It was a good mini break. Today is only our 2nd day of the week, so I’ll say I’m happy that my students are doing well on my test.

      Reply ↓
    2. Falling Diphthong*

      After a run of work projects that were along the line of “Move the A to the B and switch the C” I got one where I am reading new stuff that is tangential to my usual work (so I’m good at spotting what isn’t explained well, since I am not reflexively filling gaps in from my existing background). It’s really well done and I learn something each time.

      Reply ↓
    3. All Natural Gas Man*

      One of my former interns has just moved into a leadership role in another company! I am SO proud of her and so excited to see what she does. Another of my former interns has just landed her “dream role” (I did talk to her about the dangers of jobs as dreams), but I’m so happy for her.

      Reply ↓
    4. Elle Woods*

      I freelance and one of my organizational clients has a new person as my primary point of contact. I’ve already had two phone convos with her and can already tell she is going to be a million times easier to work with than the previous person.

      Reply ↓
    5. RagingADHD*

      Got a very good review, which included explicit confirmation of my hunch that my boss & skip level intend for me to become Head of our team, probably 2-3 years from now. This would be a nice bump in salary and an opportunity to put more of my ideas into practice, with only a minor increase in demand / time commitment.

      Reply ↓
    7. Ama*

      I have been freelancing full time for six months and this week for the first time I did work for a different client every day. It’s starting to feel like my client base is finally growing enough to be sustainable long-term which is great because I really love this work.

      Reply ↓
    8. Six Feldspar*

      Finished the draft of a major report I’ve been slogging at for months now! I’m sure it will come back with more things to change but I’m celebrating the milestone this week!

      Reply ↓
  7. 360 Peer reviews are the worst*

    Has anyone had to do a 360 peer review for someone who doesn’t do their job, but they are a favorite among management?

    I have to rate a junior teammate (who doesn’t report to me) on his communication skills (such as keeping boss and peers informed in a timely manner), interpersonal skills and dependability. He is not reliable, he has tasks that he’s supposed to do every week, and he just doesn’t do them. He needs to be reminded to do everything, when we have to update slides for presentation, he frequently doesn’t add him charts he’s supposed and he doesn’t update date ranges (like he had a date range listed as 11/1/24 – 11/7/24 when it was supposed to be for the end of December), and he instead of flagging things he just doesn’t say anything. He also lacks the ability to act professionally and says the most immature things in front of management. However, management says NOTHING to him about any of this, so obviously he’s not going to make changes.

    Does anyone have advice? I hate 360 reviews (and reviews in general) so much.

    Reply ↓
    1. WantonSeedStitch*

      Pick your battles. Be honest about his shortcomings, but stick to talking about the stuff that has the biggest impact on your ability to do your work, and talk about it in as neutral and unemotional a way as possible.

      Reply ↓
      1. JMR*

        Agreed. I think that people should be candid in 360s, but stick to the complaints that have the biggest impact on your work. It shouldn’t be a laundry list of every grievance you have about him. For example, is the immature behavior merely cringey, or is it actually impacting his work? If he’s just annoying, that’s the sort of thing I wouldn’t mention in a 360.

        In addition, the more specific you can be, the harder it will be for the manager who reads the 360 to dismiss the feedback. Instead of merely saying he is disorganized, I would provide specific examples, like you did in your original post (for example, about him not updating the chart or date ranges in your decks). When I read 360s that have been written about my team members, the more specific the feedback it is, the more helpful it is to me.

        Reply ↓
    2. MsM*

      I’d just document the issues you’ve had with getting him to complete stuff on time or lack of attention to detail that impact you and your department, and diplomatically frame it as “areas for improvement.” If management doesn’t care enough about the immature comments to do anything about them in the moment, you can’t really make them.

      Reply ↓
    3. Kes*

      I mean I guess the question is, do you think it would have negative impacts to you if you say the truth? It sounds like nothing has gotten through to him yet, so I wouldn’t hold my breath for changes from the review either, but at the same time you never know and it would probably make you feel better to actually be able to give him real feedback about his work. However, you probably need to judge if doing this could cause problems for you, if management does like him, in which case I’d water down what you say some or just say something bland, or if it just wouldn’t impact you or him, in which case I’d say go for it and give the real (though professional) evaluation. (Also keep in mind that it may or may not be anonymous, and consider whether you say would be identifying even if it is anonymous)

      Reply ↓
      1. Moths*

        I second this. You probably know best about how 360s work at your place of employment. At some, you can be honest and critical. At others, that’s going to have negative repercussions on you. If that’s the case, I would take a very middle of the road approach. Just give middling or neutral scores on most things and avoid writing any comments at all, if possible. If you’re able to be honest, then please do! It at least helps create a record of the problems and even if management doesn’t deal with them, you (and hopefully others) will have at least flagged them clearly.

        Reply ↓
    4. ferrina*

      You can either be honest, or damn with faint praise.

      Either way you know nothing is going to change, so it’s just a question of whether you’ll get punished for honesty. If you are worried, things like “he has nice handwriting” is always fine.

      Reply ↓
    5. NoIceCavesHere*

      Answering as a manager, 360 feedback is the most useful for me when it has concrete examples. On this date, X specifically didn’t do Y, and when asked about it, responded Z and it has this impact on my work. If true, it’s also helpful to receive any positive feedback so that I can compose a well-rounded message to my direct report. If his management is not receiving this type of concrete feedback from others, that may be why they’re not saying anything to him.

      When I have to provide 360 feedback I always consider the person I’m submitting it to. Is this someone who will provide my feedback anonymously but verbatim? If so I’ll need to couch it in a way I’m not readily identifiable. Is it someone trustworthy I can be very transparent with? Then I’ll give full information. Is this someone who has power over me or may interpret my bringing up issues as reflecting poorly on me for not handling on my own? Then I’ll need to write my responses more carefully and likely in the “damning with faint praise” mentioned in another comment here.

      So I’d really say honesty is a gift but consider your own position and don’t compromise it. If your bosses are good, they want the true story, even if it’s a favorite.

      Reply ↓
    6. SallyAnn*

      Describe what this person does or doesn’t do in observable terms. For example, do not say “when I asked Igor when he would be able to give me the TPS reports, he acted in an immature way”. Instead say “when I asked Igor to give me the TPS reports, he rolled his eyes, stamped his foot, and said ‘you’ll get them when I feel like it’ “
      Or “for the past 3 weeks (or on date1, dare2, and date3) Igor was supposed to give me the TPS reports by Wednesday end of day, but didn’t give them until the following Monday, so I was unable to process them on time, and the company incurred a late fee”.

      In a past job my coworkers and I had to give 360 reviews on our horrible boss. We agreed to state only those things we had personally seen or heard or experienced, and report specifics of what he said and did. And there was no shortage of incidents!

      Reply ↓
    7. Accountant*

      Do you HAVE to do it? I never do these – in my experience, they are anonymous and no one gets mad if you skip it. It’s my policy that unless someone is asking me to my face, there is no reason to provide feedback like this.

      Reply ↓
  8. new manager*

    I think my question is getting caught by a filter but I’m not sure why, so I’ll pare it down. What advice do people have for a new manager running an appraisal for an employee who has had an up and down year in terms of performance. The performance issues have already been addressed in a recent 1-2-1 and the appraisal will happen next week.

    Reply ↓
    1. WantonSeedStitch*

      Talk about the patterns you’ve seen, and also make sure you comment about any progress the person has made on those issues. Talk about steps that are being taken going forward. “This year, Jane has struggled with consistently being responsive to communication from management, peers, and internal clients. On [date], I put in place expectations about acceptable timeframes for communication. Since that time, Jane has met those expectations.” If you have to do a rating of some kind, it should take into account the entire year. If your employee feels like they are getting a lower rating than they expected because they have made progress, remind them that the rating is for the entire year, not just the time since they started improving, but that you are optimistic that if they continue to improve, their rating next year will be higher.

      Reply ↓
    2. Toads*

      It’s here, if you check above, you’ll see the two other instances of your question. Good luck with your annual review!

      Reply ↓
  9. sagewhiz*

    Suggestions for flexible WFH jobs now?

    My son needs to transition to a new field, and I’m hoping for ideas from this wise group.

    After a four-year battle with cancer, a bone marrow transplant and multiple surgeries (as recent as Sept.) he’s recovered, but in June my darling daughter-in-law succumbed after her two-year battle with cancer. He’s now left to raise their teen daughter and son, who has special needs. As a result, my son cannot reopen the successful business he had before his illness, which required extensive daily regional travel. Now he needs to be local, with flexible hours.

    He’s in his 40’s, considering going back to school for a degree, but by the time that’s completed, agism will almost certainly work against him in a new field. He’s absolutely open to certification in various areas. So, any ideas of areas for him to explore?

    Reply ↓
    1. Parenthesis Guy*

      That’s tough.

      The real problem is that he probably won’t get a scholarship to go to school, so he’ll have to take out loans. But it’s hard to get entry level jobs at 45. Which means it’s likely that he ends up wasting a few years of his life getting a degree, taking on $40k of debt, and then finding out it didn’t help him. If he’s really smart he can beat the odds, but it’s not easy.

      I’d be more inclined to consider the business that he was in before and successful at, and see if there’s a way he could create a service to help people that do it. Maybe he can provide guidance to people starting out. Maybe there’s something he can do to make it easier for them to do the job. But I’d focus more on what he’s good at and how he can branch out from there.

      Reply ↓
      1. I'm just here for the cats!!*

        I wouldn’t say that he wouldn’t get a scholarship. There are plenty of scholarships and grants for parents and people returning to school. It may depend on the area and the specific school. If he looks at schools that have adult programs they typically have scholarships and grants.

        He could consider the freelance and help people make a success of their businesses but that can take a lot of time, energy and effort. Things he may not have right now, especially if he needs a stable income.

        Reply ↓
    2. Banana Pyjamas*

      The local property tax assessor’s office. Pay is all over the board in that field though. Texas, Ohio, and West Virginia consistently have horrible pay. Most people do assessment as a second or third career, so he won’t be out of place at all. Often times you can get hired without certification. In some states certification is a matter of heading to the state capital for an open-book test.

      Reply ↓
      1. Helewise*

        There’s a shortage of assessors, as well, and training is often provided. This could be an interesting idea.

        Reply ↓
    3. Anon4this*

      What are his skills? What did he do in his own business? Look for similar roles and apply. Also, does he have a network? Ask around and see if anyone has openings.

      If he goes back to school he should be targeting something where he can get a great job when he leaves or something that is highly needed.

      Flexible WFH jobs are hard to come by and get tons of applications. Also many that are flexible people are given that flexibility after years of working somewhere and being known for their accomplishments.

      Sales? Data entry? Call centers?
      Can he reach out to clients he worked with before and see if they have anything? It really depends on his prior work I think and where and how he can pivot.

      Also, is there a way you or his family can help if he can get a job that is hybrid or something? Can you work as family to be available to his children so he has the space to find the right next step and also have time so he doesn’t burn out? I grew up with a single parent after the other died from cancer. She worked hard and long hours, but I remember the couple family members and friends who helped out. So many just did not do much. But those that had us sleepover on a weekend night a month, or the one grandparents who always took us from school one day a week, fed us dinner, and the other who always took us to appointments I remember.

      Reply ↓
    5. Annika Hansen*

      Flexible WFH jobs are very difficult to find. I think most people get them 3 ways:

      1. Work for yourself – Is there any way he can leverage what he did in his previous business to become a flexible WFH job? A consultant.
      2. Having worked long enough in position to earn that privilege. – Doesn’t seem like there is enough time for that.
      3. Found a position through your network. Does he have a professional network to fall back on?

      Companies have been pushing back on WFH so this makes it even harder.

      Reply ↓
    6. is the math right ?*

      if the finances are amenable, a new degree actually can reset the ‘clock’ and counterract some of the ageism.

      Reply ↓
    7. Strive to Excel*

      If he was running his own business, does he have some basic business admin skills under his belt? If so, he could look into bookkeeping or financial admin. Those seem to be more flexible/more willing to be remote or hybrid, and everyone needs bookkeeping so he might have a shot at something local.

      Reply ↓
    8. PX*

      I know people hate how vague it is, but consulting? If he owned a successful business before, that means he has good business acumen and at least several skills that people thought were worth paying for. Can he advise others on them? Find work for companies doing similar things at reduced hours? Work for the local university in some capacity in a related field? Teach at the local community college in the field?

      Reply ↓
    10. EA*

      Wow, what a hard situation. So sorry for your loss.

      This may be a long shot, but if he already was a successful business leader, maybe something like executive coaching or consulting for business leaders? Or what about providing advisory services to another company in the area of his business? Hard to know without knowing his field, though.

      Other areas that my friends work in, with different degrees of flexibility: SEO specialist, “Security Management”…basically a project manager type role with a company that provides security services- my friend got this with no prior experience and has moved up the ranks, graphic design, owning a dog walking business.

      Reply ↓
    11. SAF*

      Do his skills match with a job at a university? Tuition benefits are a LOVELY thing, and often also cover children.

      Reply ↓
    12. Dionne Bower*

      I have been receiving a lot of job leads that are remote based. He should still register with Indeed, LinkedIn and any other sites that are targeted to his skills and interests. He can set his alerts for these to just send jobs that have “remote” or “virtual” in the descriptions.

      FlexJobs only does remote postings. I would also suggest freelancing in an area he is strong in through a site like Upwork. Check with the college he wants to go to in order to advance his degree. They may have some phone based work for the Alumni Association or something data-entry based. Then maybe he would get a tuition break. Agree too, with the commenter to contact your local Division of Vocational Rehabilitation and they can assign him a Job Developer. Best of luck!

      Reply ↓
    13. cheap ass rolling with it*

      I would not recommend a new degree. If he is unable to land a job with the new degree then he’s wasted time and money. As a successful business owner, maybe he could look further into his past experiences and skills. Maybe it’s part-time or WFH helping other businesses get off the ground? Or finding a startup/small company that needs his skills that are more flexible accommodating his life needs?

      Reply ↓
  10. Sandlapper*

    How early do you join an online meeting? I generally join 5 minutes early so I can take care of any technical problems (such as a “missing” camera) before the meeting starts. However most others seem to join a minute before the start time.

    Reply ↓
    1. Corporate crazy*

      I often joining about 15 minutes prior, or whenever the reminder pops up. I put the meeting in the background, and continue working till I hear others. I usually have camera off.

      Reply ↓
      1. ThatGirl*

        15 minutes? I don’t know if this is universal but on Teams in my co it alerts us that someone has started the meeting, and I’m gonna be honest, I would side-eye anyone who regularly started the meeting 15 minutes early. Do you sit in empty conference rooms for 15 minutes too? :)

        Reply ↓
        1. londonedit*

          Same with our Teams – I have an irrational fear of being the super-keen bean who broadcasts to everyone that they’ve started the meeting, so I don’t join until someone else bites the bullet and the ‘Sally Jones has started the meeting’ pop-up screen pops up.

          Reply ↓
          1. anotherfan*

            lol! I’ve become the chief meeting starter for our twice daily Teams meetings (somebody has to do it); it’s become a standing joke that if I am on vacation or sick, the meeting doesn’t actually happen … but even I don’t start the meetings until 5 minutes before. I spend the five minutes chatting with the other (relatively) early birds; we usually talk about books we’ve read or our pets or the weather, absolutely neutral topics that can be dropped easily when the meeting actually starts. It seems to give people a break from the usual seriousness of what we talk about for real because it brings a trace of non-work normalcy to the day. But that’s our office, ymmv

            Reply ↓
          2. Elizabeth West*

            Haha, same. I’ve started it a couple of times but then when people are late, I feel like that Confused Travolta Pulp Fiction meme.

            Reply ↓
        2. Burnt Out Librarian*

          This and I absolutely hate that little pop-up. I don’t want to tell people when I join, I feel like then they’re pressured to join early and make small talk and… no. I just don’t want to forget to actually sign in because I got pulled into another project. Teams just has some of the silliest little things like this.

          Reply ↓
        3. Corporate crazy*

          No, we get no alerts that someone has started the meeting. So, no that setting is not universal. I get just a calendar reminder that the meeting will start in 15 minutes.
          As I stated, I continue working till people start talking. I know you included a smiley, but it seemed a bit unkind to mention sitting in an empty conference room.

          Reply ↓
          1. ThatGirl*

            I’m sorry, my intention was not to sound unkind – though I do think that sitting in an empty virtual meeting room for 15 minutes is roughly akin to sitting in an empty physical conference room for the same amount of time.

            Reply ↓
            1. Yankees fans are awesome*

              “I put the meeting in the background, and continue working till I hear others.”
              —-

              Like if someone shows up to an empty meeting room and works on a laptop or notebook or whatever until other people come in and the meeting starts.

              Not sure where you’re getting the notion that people are just sitting there.

              Reply ↓
            2. WorkerDrone*

              How would they be akin?

              A virtual conference room has zero affect on my ability to continue working; it just hangs out in the background of my screen while I work.

              An empty physical conference room has an affect on my ability to continue working; even if I have my laptop, I’m limited to mostly email.

              That having been said, I know I am not the person you were asking, but yes – I do often sit in an empty physical conference room for 15 minutes waiting for the meeting to start. It’s a great opportunity to get some quiet time to run through emails or review whatever materials I need to review without being interrupted, as I would be in my office.

              Reply ↓
        4. Venus*

          I often join virtual meetings early because I lose track of time and occasionally miss reminders, so I have joined 15 minutes, 30, or even earlier. It doesn’t notify anyone that I’ve joined.

          For me it’s completely different from physical meetings because in those situations I almost always meet up with at least one coworker, so if I lose track of time then someone will gently nudge me on their way to the room. I occasionally do the same for them. Plus if I’m doing it online then I can continue to work until someone talks at the start of the meeting, whereas I can’t easily work in a conference room.

          Reply ↓
    2. Massive Dynamic*

      I join a minute before or right on time if it’s Teams because that’s our usual platform. If it’s Zoom or whatever the google one is, I join 5 min ahead because I usually have to fuss with the audio for a sec.

      Reply ↓
    3. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Unless I anticipate a technology issue, I’m usually in at most 1-2 minutes early. I’ve got regular calls with Teams, Zoom, and Google Hangouts now, and I’ve got my setups down fine. If there’s a re-install, or I’ve got different monitors, then I give myself another minute.

      This also depends on whether it’s a relativvely new client – if so, and if I’m not the most senior person in my company on the call, then I don’t join early so there isn’t awkward dead air with client staff.

      Reply ↓
    4. Momma Bear*

      About 5 mins, but sometimes I wait until someone else starts the meeting/joins and then log in fully. I think as long as all parties are online by the stated meeting time (and not rolling in 5 mins late) it’s fine.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jackie Daytona, Regular Human Bartender*

        Same. I join at the start time. If there’s a technical issue, I may be a minute or two late to dial in, but that’s not typical.

        Reply ↓
      2. Mad Scientist*

        Same, unless it’s a platform I don’t use often, or an important client meeting that I’m running (and even then, 2 mins early max).

        Reply ↓
      3. Kes*

        Same. Unless I’m the one presenting, I join right on time. If I am presenting, I may join a minute or two early to make sure I’m all set up and ready to go, but no more than that.

        Reply ↓
      4. ursula*

        Same. Unless that “meeting” is really me giving a large, important presentation (eg. pitching a funder on a new project), I join ready to work (relevant notes, calendars, water available, etc) but not a minute before the start time. Even if I’m pitching, I would only open it maybe 2 min in advance. I’m just not having Teams/Zoom trouble regularly at this point.

        Reply ↓
      5. Caramel & Cheddar*

        This. Unless I’m doing a presentation where I want to make sure open programs are organized a certain way or whatever, I don’t have a reason to start early. The meeting itself takes 5 seconds to open, there’s not really a reason to be joining early.

        Reply ↓
    7. ThatGirl*

      In my company, if it’s a small meeting the norm is around 1-2 minutes beforehand. After five years of remote work the technical problems are few and far between. For a big town hall style meeting it’s anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 seconds before “start” and we just sit there without a camera on waiting.

      Reply ↓
    8. Past Lurker*

      I like to join early since it’s not an everyday activity and I may need extra time to set up my headset settings, etc. About 5 minutes early seems right for me personally.

      Reply ↓
    9. Grandmss Cassie’s Lady Slipper*

      I join 5 minutes early for the reasons you have stated. I don’t mind others joining ing a minute before but those who join late and meeting organizers who refuse to start meetings on time to accommodate late joiners (those 5 minutes late or more) drive me nuts.

      Reply ↓
    10. bean counter*

      If I’m hosting I start it a couple minutes early; if someone else is hosting, I join right at the meeting start time unless it’s a group that I know chats for a few minutes before the meeting and I want to join in that.

      Reply ↓
    11. Angstrom*

      3 minutes or so. Quick camera check to see if my hair is behaving, then camera off and muted until the host arrives.

      Reply ↓
    12. WantonSeedStitch*

      If I have any reason to suspect potential tech issues (changes to equipment, software upgrades, etc.), I try to test-drive my Zoom well before any meetings by just opening up a Zoom by myself, so I have more time to work things out. Usually, I join meetings a minute early. If I’m hosting a meeting and I see someone has joined a little earlier, I will join too.

      Reply ↓
    13. A large cage of birds*

      Unless I’m presenting, I pretty much join bang on time. Maybe a minute or two early. A few minutes if I’m presenting and it can’t start without me.

      Reply ↓
    14. E*

      2-3 minutes early. I set a 5 minute notification, by the time I’ve finished & saved whatever I’m working on and get the call up it’s usually about 3 minutes early.

      Reply ↓
    15. CTT*

      If I’m going to be screen sharing, 3 or 4 minutes early to remind myself how to do that. If I’m leading the meeting, a minute early so I can keep track of who’s joining (we have a lot of dial-in’s so it’s an active job to track it). Otherwise on time.

      Reply ↓
    16. Friday Person*

      I typically join about 30 seconds after start time to avoid the few seconds of awkward small talk with the one other person who joined early/right on time (I like IRL small talk but this is somehow always wildly stilted!) I don’t think many people at my organization are in the habit of joining early, let alone by five minutes or more.

      Reply ↓
    17. JMR*

      If I’m hosting the meeting, particularly if I’ll be the one presenting/screen-sharing, I will log on early because there are always tech issues. But if I’m merely attending, I’ll hop on a minute or two beforehand.

      Reply ↓
    18. Lemons*

      2 minutes for platforms I normally use, 10 minutes for less-used platforms that might require updating or downloading something, then I wait to join until about 2 minutes before once I’m sure it’ll work properly.

      Reply ↓
    19. Decidedly Me*

      0-2 min early max. Sure, tech issues can happen, but they’re not frequent so I don’t see a need to change workflow to account for a rare possibility.

      Reply ↓
    20. Laura*

      I join at the start time or maybe a minute before – my company is global and often people are booked back-to-back so that’s definitely the norm and for big meetings they will typically wait a few min after the official start time to actually get going. For the big global all hands type meetings they will typically set the meeting start time to be anywhere from 5-10 min prior to the actual planned start. When I’m presenting, I make sure I am all ready to go (camera/mic working, presentation pulled up and supporting materials open) about 5-10 min prior and then just review my slides.

      Reply ↓
    21. Not a Real Giraffe*

      If I am the host and I have the schedule to do so, I will join 2 minutes early. If I am not the host, I join right on time. We use personal meeting IDs (rather than unique meeting links per meeting), so if I join early, there’s always a chance I am interrupting the meeting host’s prior meeting.

      Reply ↓
    22. English Rose*

      Same as I do for an in-person meeting – two or three minutes before the start. Early enough to (hopefully) start on time, not too early that small talk becomes painful.

      Reply ↓
    23. Audrey Puffins*

      I used to host a lot of Teams meetings and I would always get them up and running at least 10 minutes ahead of time because I HATE feeling on the back foot and like to make sure all the tech is involved (most of these meetings were interviews, so it was good to make sure the interviewers were also set up before admitting the interviewee). I always felt very alarmed by non-interview meetings where people would only dial in with 1 minute to go, but now that I’m just a regular meeting attendee, I can see the value in it. I have regular Teams check-ins with my co-workers, I never unplug my headset, so I never *need* to dip in early, but I like to do so if I’m feeling like a little small talk with the crew. :)

      Reply ↓
    24. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      1-2 minutes early, unless I’m coming off a back-to-back. It may matter that I have multiple online meetings daily, all on the same platform, and very rarely experience any technical difficulties.

      Reply ↓
    25. DataWonk*

      If it’s with an external client, maybe 1-2 mins early to troubleshoot issues

      Internal meeting (where everyone is available to message on slack in case of troubleshooting)? I don’t join early at all.

      Reply ↓
    26. Green Goose*

      At the two companies that I’ve been at since Zoom was a thing, people either join 1 minute before or right on the dot. For really big virtual meetings like Town Halls I occasionally see a few people join 2-3 minutes early.

      Reply ↓
    27. Admin of Sys*

      Depends on the meeting. We’ve got a regular one, where folks join up to 10m early and just hang out and chat while waiting for a start. But most of the rest, it’s only ever a minute or two ahead – either because otherwise I’ll get stuck in the lobby until they’re ready or the meeting will start early and then we have to reprise for anyone that shows at actual start time or late.

      Reply ↓
    28. Ash*

      If I’m attending, I’ll join around 5 minutes prior. If I’m hosting, 15. I’ll also keep my email open just in case there’s a flood of, “I can’t make it work!” at the beginning.

      Reply ↓
    29. ecnaseener*

      At the start time, unless I’m presenting or something. On teams you get notified as soon as the first person starts the meeting, so sometimes I’ll hop in after that notification, but otherwise it’s when I get the outlook alarm at the start time.

      Reply ↓
    30. Grogu's Mom*

      Right on time or up to a minute late. I used to join a couple minutes early but oftentimes the organizers of the meeting are having a pre-meeting and I’ve interrupted them or made it so they had to cut off their conversation, and it’s just too awkward for me. If I have tech issues that last more than 5 minutes, I’ll chat someone to let them know but less than that, I just slide in without comment. People generally understand about tech issues, bathroom issues, running late from other meetings, etc. I’ve heard this varies by organization, though.

      Reply ↓
    31. Always Tired*

      Depends! If I run it, 5 minutes or so early to make sure screen share etc is up an running. If I am an attendee for a smaller meeting, 1-2 minutes before posted start. I’ve been on other calls, I know my camera will work and my mic. If it’s a giant webinar where I just listen, I’ll join when the 15 minute reminder pops up and then go about my business waiting for someone to make noise on the minimized screen.

      Reply ↓
    33. Harlowe*

      I don’t have time to join meetings early. I have them back to back all day, and often 2-4 at the same time (so I have to pick and choose).

      Reply ↓
    34. Carly*

      Joining as close to the start time as possible. I live in fear of awkward small talk with the one other person who joined early..

      Reply ↓
      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        I often have to set up the meeting, so I like to open the Zoom/Teams link 10-15 minutes beforehand to check the connection is working. If I have in-person/external attendees, then I can be welcoming them in the room.

        Reply ↓
    36. NancyDrew*

      This is not even a thing many of us are able to consider, given consistent back-to-back meetings. Jealous for those of you who spend your energy on this kind of thinking.

      Reply ↓
  11. Corporate crazy*

    Happy New Year! What crazy incentives are being introduced at work to celebrate?
    I work for a large corporate entity (10’s of 1000’s of people). We got an email this week saying that we are meant to put personal goals to share with our manager for mid- and end-year review. The example given was to do exercise for 20 minutes every day.
    What is the crazy or inappropriate that your organization wants?

    Reply ↓
    1. I'm just here for the cats!!*

      OMG My old company did this too! We had to have personal goals and company goals. My manager was never helpful with any of it. At least now our Performance evals are specifically related to our roles and how we want to grow (or not to grow) into other roles.

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      1. Some Words*

        Uh oh, my employer is doing this year also! Except ours are monthly goals. I’m now imagining that a professional seminar or conference happened in 2024 that really convinced all the managers that this One Weird Trick will make their employees more productive and happy.

        Ugh.

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    2. Ama*

      The last two years at my previous employer all your goals had to be somehow related to our four organization wide goals. Only, none of those goals had anything to do with the work my department does — you could maybe loosely connect my work as the department head to ONE of them but my report’s work didn’t connect at all. I asked my boss what I was supposed to do and got “just do the best you can” so I just put down what I was going to put down anyway for myself and told her to do the same.

      We were both gone before review time last year, anyway. (It wasn’t the main reason we left but being a crucial part of the day to day of our org and yet not being considered in the org wide goals was pretty typical of the way senior management saw our department.)

      Reply ↓
  12. Budding freelancer*

    Any Upwork freelancers on here?

    I’m setting up shop, as it were, and curious how anyone who sets a project with 3 tiers would offer custom “packages” if someone wants less or more than what you offer. My understanding so far is that on Upwork the client has to send you an offer/contract, not the other way around, but ideally you’d discuss a quote beforehand? In which case, how would you add that to your FAQs/project advert? “Contact me for a quote” or “Custom pricing available” or similar?

    Also, does it make a difference whether to use “as needed” vs “less than 30hrs/wk”?

    Reply ↓
    1. An Australian in London*

      I haven’t used Upwork for a few years now. When I was using it regularly, I would bid on gigs; the client would select from bids and send me a contract; I would accept the contract.

      There was an opportunity for me to ask questions before my bid or include a range in the bid and explain what factors would affect the time and budget.

      Reply ↓
      1. Budding freelancer*

        Ah got it, so you went to the client rather than the other way around (which is my preference for my specific project). I might have to start out that way, I’ll ponder that once I activate my profile, thanks!

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  13. Applesauced*

    Working moms – do you go to the gym? If so, how old are your kid(s), and when do you go?

    My baby is 3 months old, and not sleeping through the night yet, so going to 7 am classes like I did pre-baby is just not realistic.
    Evening classes could work, but I’m away from my baby all day, and don’t want to miss MORE time with him for the gym – especially as he gets a little older and has a bedtime routine.

    My thought is to try for one or two evening workouts (maybe sneak out around 4 pm on WFH days) and once a weekend. Any other ideas?

    Reply ↓
    1. Antilles*

      If you have WFH days, is a mid-day workout possible? A lot of people will do a solid 30-45 minutes at the gym plus a post-workout shower in their “lunch break”, then do the actual eating lunch part of the lunch break while sitting at your computer working.
      Also, for evening workouts, do you have the space to do any workouts at home? Baby may not be sleeping through the night, but if he does sleep intermittently, you might be able to crank out some cardio, dumb-bell exercises, band flexibility, etc at the house while he’s asleep.

      Reply ↓
    2. ferrina*

      oh hell no.
      I didn’t go back to the gym until my youngest was 4. Then it was once a week evening class when my partner had them. Now my youngest is in mid-elementary school and I’m going a couple times a week most weeks (now having to balance my gym time with their extracurriculars, which is a whole different struggle).

      But it really depends on how much energy you have and what your partner is able to cover on their own. Every family is different, and every kid is different- I had one kid that was a calm baby and a great sleeper and I had energy for hobbies, then my next required constant vigilance (self-reliant, but in unexpected ways that can go….interesting).

      Sometimes I’ll turn on a yoga or dance video in my house and invite my kids to join. They find it amusing, I get a little bit of low-key exercise in, and I can turn it off whenever I need to.

      Reply ↓
    3. Ann Perkins*

      I go typically 3 times per week and my kids are 3, 6, and 8. I’ve been going for years, but typically end up taking a break during pregnancy and postpartum time due to fatigue and how much time pumping takes; after kid #2 was when I got serious about it but only after I was no longer using my lunchtime to pump.

      I’m fortunate in that I’ve always worked somewhere with close access to a gym, so I try to go twice over my lunchtime and then once over the weekend. I use a gym with childcare for the weekend so that I can take all the kids with me and that gives me the chance to work out kid-free and my spouse gets some time with all the kids out of the house to do yardwork or errands. When the weather is nice I’ll often take a long walk around my neighborhood after dinner just to get some movement in. If your baby likes the stroller, once the weather warms up you could go on long walks together.

      Reply ↓
    4. ChemistryChick*

      I’ve got two, 5 and one year and I’m still trying to figure this out. My schedule doesn’t really allow for going to a gym so I have a subscription to something like Netflix for workouts and I’ve been trying to do them after the kiddos go to bed.

      Of course that requires they stay asleep, which is where the struggle has been as of late.

      Reply ↓
    5. Rara Avis*

      My kiddo went to the gym day care at the earliest allowable age, which I believe was 6 months. (My gym was a YMCA, and the child care was top-notch.) Once I went back to work (at 7 months — I’m a teacher and I took a whole semester off), I only went on the weekends (still mostly do) because my commute has always been too long to allow for much in the evening.

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    7. Binky*

      I don’t. Ever. I’m a single mom, working full time, with a 7 year old. The only time I have to myself is after 8, and I can’t leave the house. So no gym time for me. I do have a walking pad to use while I’m working, which isn’t a great workout, but at least I’m not 100% sedentary.

      Reply ↓
    8. EMP*

      Going to the gym was a big part of my identity pre-kid. She’s 16m now and I still haven’t gone back to gym classes. Like you say, mornings aren’t happening, and I don’t want to give up my evenings for the gym.

      Our office has a gym, and now that I’m not pumping I take my lunch hour 2-3 days/week and do something there. I get workouts from my old gym in an app for $30/mo which keeps me from feeling like I don’t know what to do on my own.
      At this point my LO sleeps 8 – 8, so I could go before work but I’m a night owl and don’t wake up early enough. We have a 2hr afternoon nap, so on the weekends that’s my opportunity to do yoga or my spin bike at home. When it’s not 14* out, I sometimes take her out in the jogging stroller in the morning instead.

      Reply ↓
    9. Lucy*

      I have a 12 month old daughter. She sleeps through the night though, which is a game changer! My gym routine is:

      Tuesdays – Husband is responsible for getting baby up and to nursery, I wake up at 6.30 (which I’m used to because that’s when baby wakes every day!) and do 30 min exercise video at home before work
      Thursday – I’m off, she goes to gym crèche
      Weekend – Husband takes her.

      Other things I’ve tried:

      Jogging with baby in pram. I didn’t buy a special running pram, they’re expensive, and she didn’t love it.
      Video at home with baby in room playing. I occasionally had to pick her up and then I had an 8kg weight to test me! It works in a pinch but definitely less good exercise, and I lose the mental health advantage of having alone time.

      Reply ↓
    10. Cadillac*

      I have a 15 month old and work from home. I sneak out for runs on 2 weekdays (my husband covers time for me to get 1 more on the weekend). Started building up to it while I was still on mat leave but didn’t have a consistent routine until probably 7-8 months (well, consistent-ish) when he was sleeping more. Running has the advantage that I can take off at a moment’s notice, and I can get dressed in my running gear in the morning and/or shower much later so that the time I’m AFK is as short as possible.

      Reply ↓
    11. Abigail*

      Working full time single mother: the best workout is the one you do.

      I workout from home every day, although some days are just recovery stretching. It is not the same energy as a group fitness class but it is possible and that is better than nothing.

      Reply ↓
    12. I like snacks*

      Buying a Peloton was the only thing that has made working out on a regular basis feasible. It sits in our dining room, which I don’t love, but it’s so easy to squeeze in a ride in between meetings.

      Reply ↓
    13. Green Goose*

      I love this question and will be following the answers. This has been a journey for me. If you are able to flex it, I’d try to go during the day. If I didn’t have flex time I’d have to go to the gym after my littles go to sleep and I really hate showering at night. We have a tiny house and I either have to go to bed with wet hair or blow-dry my hair in our freezing garage so I wouldn’t wake up the whole house and neither is desirable.
      I’ve toyed with the idea of getting up at 5am to go to the gym and be back before the kids awake but whever it’s actually 5am I just don’t feel like getting up.
      I have a gym that is a ten minute drive from my house, so ideally I’d take an hour lunch and drive and then do a really intense 30-40 minute cardio and then drive back. I can’t do that when we are really busy, but during our slower seasons I can do that maybe twice a week.

      Reply ↓
    14. Nina from Corporate Accounts Payable*

      I have a a 1.5 year old. It’s tough to make it to the gym on weekdays and I’m fully remote. My workday starts early (7am) and I’m not a morning person, so early workouts are a non-starter for me. During busy periods which seems to be more often than not, I put in long hours with work. I just have to catch the wave when I can get it – on a really good week where work is calm, I make it there twice midweek and minimum once on the weekend, sometimes twice. I also try to head out the door at 4 midweek to get there to avoid throwing off the bedtime routine. Committing to a solid schedule has been tough.

      Reply ↓
    15. Goldie*

      Its really hard. Weekends and maybe one day a week. Once my kids slept through the night consistently I go to a 5:00am class but it takes a ton of discipline.

      Reply ↓
    16. Helewise*

      When my kids were that age I rode my bike to work at least a few days a week (I love to ride but am NOT a hard-core cyclist, very casual). It let me wrap exercise into my commute time and it was the only way that would happen. For me it also felt like a thirty-minute vacation every time!

      Reply ↓
    17. ScruffyInternHerder*

      I love this question!

      I had a gym membership that I discontinued post-pregnancy. I found the balance too hard (for reasons you’ve mentioned). With babe 1, I found I could jog with him in the stroller and he’d be happy as a clam. I wasn’t super consistent or hitting high mileage, but I was comfortable enough with it. With babe 2, she laughed at the idea (er, screamed, there was no laughing). I found I was able to run, and actually be decently consistent with it, by running with a friend after the babe and toddler were down for the night. Yup, it was late, but it worked. If I had had time before work? I probably would have gone then instead.

      The friend and I turned the den into a workout room essentially for mat workouts.

      Now the den is a full gym used by the whole household, including the no longer babes but teenage athletes. We have some free weights, a treadmill, and a bike on a trainer. Youngest has a bench.

      Reply ↓
    18. Anon4this*

      I don’t know if I would “sneak out” at 4PM to go to the gym. This might be noticed. Occasionally, fine, but I would not do it multiple times a week unless that is part of the company culture. I have recently had work emergencies come up at 4:15 and 4:30 and couldn’t reach a member of my team multiple times. It was frustrating because I assume they snuck out on a WFH day. I had to talk with her, she said it wouldn’t happen again, but things do come up after 4 PM and people will notice, even if they don’t say anything. Or ask your manager if you can and then make up the work later in the day. Some might say take classes and won’t mind.

      When I had my first baby I joined the gym closest to my house. It wasn’t fancy, but had a decent childcare. My partner traveled a lot, but when he was home we would switch off going to the gym on weekends and in the evening or morning.

      Honestly, I would buy some decent equipment and just do at home work outs. Some dumbbells, resistance bands, and a yoga mat. Plenty of 15-30 minute workouts online you can do if the baby is sleeping or even in between meetings on your WFH days. Or go for a run. Go for long walks with your baby when the weather is better.

      I don’t know where you live, but in the last 2 weeks my kids have brought home norovirus and flu (and other kids I know also got strep). I don’t know if I would risk bringing home viruses to a 3 month old and would probably lean into more at-home workouts until the weather was a bit better.

      It will get better. Just do what you can. On some of the days I didn’t want to do anything I made myself do 10 squats and 10 pushups whenever I could throughout the day. When my child got a bit older and played on the playground I would do lunges at the playground or use a bar as a pull up bar. Tummy time? That was pilates moves for me. Maybe only got 10 minutes, but it was something.

      Reply ↓
    19. Whomst*

      I made an attempt at exercising again around 4 months, which died pretty quickly. My kid’s a terrible sleeper and has never once slept through the night. He just turned one, so we’re making another attempt and it’s already going MUCH better. I’ve been going to the climbing gym during my lunch break 1-2 times a week for the past month. I have also been able to do the occasional yoga video after he goes to sleep more or less his entire life, but that means I need to clean up the front room enough that I can lay out a yoga mat (small apartment) and that is often an insurmountable obstacle after a long day.

      Unsolicited advice, but going to the gym is an unnecessary standard many women put on themselves when parenting an infant. It’s just really really hard to do, and you should not be bothering to do it if you don’t genuinely enjoy it. Take your baby on walks, do bodyweight/stretching exercises when the kid’s asleep and you’re so inclined and accept the season of life you are in.

      Reply ↓
    20. My Brain is Exploding*

      I would forget “the gym,” and look for a combination of things to do at home. Energetic long walks on the weekend with or without baby, inexpensive exercise bike or treadmill for home use, assortment of free weights and bands, yoga videos, “movement” videos. Read some Katy Bowman on how to integrate movement into your life; think “move more” at this state of life v “exercise.” This concept will serve you well throughout life. Good luck!

      Reply ↓
    21. Meaningful hats*

      No, I don’t. My kids are older (4 and 6) but I miss them during the day and want to spend my after work time with them. I either work out at home after they go to bed (online pilates videos and I have a stationary bike) or choose to do an active activity with the kids (a short hike, walk to the park and around the neighborhood).

      Reply ↓
    22. My Brain is Exploding*

      OK, and I just re-read this…your baby is only 3 months old! Prioritize SLEEP. Walk when you can and fit in movement/exercise at home but focus on getting the rest you need, physically and mentally.

      Reply ↓
    23. Bast*

      I don’t really go to the gym anymore for a variety of reasons, but I do work out at home, usually after I manage to pack everyone off to bed. Caroline Girvan, Heather Robertson, and Sydney Cummings have some pretty effective, free workouts in their you tube platforms.

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    24. Not A Manager*

      I work out at home with a yoga ball and an exercise band. I used to use free weights as well. You can get a good workout that way.

      Reply ↓
    25. SMP*

      I used to breastfeed my baby around 6 am, give him to my husband and then workout right after. I ran with my sister so it was easy to just head out from our house for half an hour. It made such a difference to my mental health that it was worth being a little more tired.

      Reply ↓
  14. TeamPlayer*

    How can I be honest with my manager about disappointment in project assignment while not complaining?

    I’m a project planner on a team of 30 planners, with us all being split between 4 managers. We generally do the same 30 projects every year. Every January, each person is assigned their project schedule for the year – most people work on 4-5 projects a year and it’s all fluid between managers and their teams. There’s a lot of variety between projects with size, type, workstreams, etc. Managers encourage us to be open and vocal about our interests and make an effort to match folks up with what they want to work on but different timelines and scale/size of projects impacts assignments a lot.

    In late 2024, I made an offhand comment about not having a lot of experience in the “teapot design” workstream. My boss immediately said instead of working on 2 smaller projects I expressed interest in, I would work on her favorite project- her longest and most visible project, “Ceramics Expo”, as “teapot design” is a big part of the project. This project is 2nd to last on my interest list- I understood this is a needed learning opportunity so while I wouldn’t choose it, I’m totally OK with it. The problem is because of timing and scale, I was also assigned to another long project at the absolutely bottom of my list- so now I’m spending all year working on my bottom 2 out of 30 possible projects. My reasoning is I like working on smaller projects vs longer ones. These 2 projects are very heavy in “blue teapots” and I prefer working on projects heavy in “red teapots”.

    I tend to be agreeable and smile/say yes when it comes to work assignments- and resentment builds. I want to be honest with my manager about my lack of excitement but not seem like I’m complaining or bashing any projects – esp since I had a great 2024 schedule and her favorite project, that she thinks is a privilege to work on, is one of my least favorite. I also want to be sure she knows these projects are in the “challenge” category for me and I want to be given credit for going outside of my comfort zone with this schedule.

    Just looking for ways to express this without seeming out of touch or like I’m not a team player.

    Reply ↓
    1. MsM*

      It sounds like you’ve got a couple of options:

      1. Tell Manager that while you recognize it’s good to get out of your comfort zone, you’re concerned about your entire focus this year being on blue teapots, and wonder if there’s any flexibility at all in swapping out non-Pet Project for something more in your wheelhouse.

      2. Just do the best you can, document all the wins and learning experiences, and use those to make your case for getting your top picks when new assignments roll around.

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    2. lunchtime caller*

      I gotta admit, I find it hard to understand why I would want a boss to know that I’m not interested in her favorite project and find my work topics difficult. You can give yourself all the pats on the back for soldiering through, but your boss is very unlikely to view that as a positive and give you some sort of bonus points for it. I would instead perhaps say that I’m thrilled to work on her pet project as it’ll grow my skills, but I worry that my project load is not as diversified as it could be. Since I love to learn SO much, perhaps I could swap out not favorite project for Different Thing (that I prefer is left unspoken) so that I’m getting a variety of experiences and keeping myself fresh for each.

      Reply ↓
    3. ferrina*

      Is the project assignments set, or is it still flexible?

      If it’s set, it might be best to suck it up for this year. Complaining about her favorite project that she thought she gifted you might not go over well, especially if there’s nothing she can do about it at this point. Chalk it up to ‘lesson learned’, and next time make sure you highlight what you are actually interested in, not what you think you should be interested in. Or be more clear- “I’d love to support on X project, but I want to balance that with a project focused in Y”.
      As for getting “credit” for a challenge- in debriefs, say “If I’m honest, I was a little nervous about doing X because I had never done it before, but I’m so happy with the results and glad I got the chance to do this!”

      If assignments are still flexible- “Hey boss, thank you so much for thinking of me! I’m a little worried that both of these are stretch projects for me- is there any chance I could swap out [the project that isn’t boss’s favorite] for something that I have more expertise in? I want to make sure that I’m giving Favorite Project my best and not stretched too thin!”

      Reply ↓
    4. EMP*

      Is your manager generally supportive and open to feedback?

      I find it really hard to express stuff like this in the moment, even with supportive managers, so going over my talking points and writing notes beforehand helps. I don’t usually bring the notes with me (unless it’s remote, and my manager won’t see them), but having some practice with phrasing helps. I would bring it up on a 1:1 and mention things in a positive way (what you *do* what to get out of it, what you *do* want to do) more than what you don’t like or don’t want to do.

      “I understand these projects are important for the team and I’m happy I’ll get more experience with blue teapots. I generally enjoy shorter projects like the red teapot project – is there an opportunity to go back to that project this year?”

      Reply ↓
    5. Caramel & Cheddar*

      ” My reasoning is I like working on smaller projects vs longer ones. These 2 projects are very heavy in “blue teapots” and I prefer working on projects heavy in “red teapots”.”

      Did you tell your boss that from the outset, or did you just say teapot design? Because if you said you didn’t have a lot of experience working on teapot design and I gave you a project that involved teapot design because I thought you were asking to get more experience with it but you were ultimately disappointed with that, I’d be pretty confused as your manager.

      Reply ↓
  15. Construction Safety*

    Local headline today: “ Henry County School employees feeling ‘financially stressed’ after delayed paychecks”

    Not sure that’s legal.

    Reply ↓
    2. A large cage of birds*

      I’d also rewrite that headline to be less passive and explain who is responsible for the delayed paychecks.

      Reply ↓
      1. fhqwhgads*

        “In an email to employees, the district stated that “the extended closure of district and school facilities this week due to inclement winter weather and hazardous road conditions” was to blame for the delay.”

        Reply ↓
    5. Yes And*

      As someone whose job includes overseeing payroll, this has steam coming out of my ears. In the wake of COVID, there is no excuse for not having a backup plan to process payroll remotely in an emergency. No. Excuse. Paying people on time is a mission-critical function of any organization.

      Also, this is why bi-weekly or semi-monthly payroll is the most common practice. Paying people monthly is just not realistic with how most people’s cash flow works – especially if they’re being paid in arrears for time worked in the prior pay period. (I don’t know if that’s the case here, but it often is.)

      Reply ↓
    6. Educator*

      Former school admin here. Of course no school wants to delay payroll! Everyone deserves to be paid on time for their work.

      At the same time, many districts–and I don’t know Henry County at all, just speaking in general–are trying to do payroll with insufficient staff and on outdated systems. When it is budget time, no one wants to increase property taxes, and everyone wants to keep funding cuts as far away from the student experience as possible. So you end up with fewer and more poorly paid people on the finance team than a private business would have, and clunky hardware and software. I even worked at a district that still did stipend requests (pay for things teachers do beyond their regular duties) on paper within the last fifteen years because of how ineffective the payroll software was! And you could forget about laptops and VPNs for finance staff.

      Similar madness is probably why payroll only happens monthly, and why a weather closure would throw it off.

      Fund your local school districts, folks!

      Reply ↓
    7. Dancing Otter*

      Absolutely illegal, unless local government entities are somehow exempt from wage & hour laws.
      If a non-government employer did this, they would be liable for treble damages.
      Each and every one of the employees should file a claim with the labor department.

      Reply ↓
  16. Hilar(it)y*

    I wrote to Alison and she suggested I post this here as I think that this group might have some good insights. TLDR is: should I take a job in a conflict zone?

    Longer version: There is a chance I may soon be offered a job in Ukraine (though it’s looking less likely after the final interview I just had). I am well seasoned at working internationally and actually currently work abroad. The role is directly aligned with my career goals and would mean a lot of good things for me, and jobs like this one don’t come along all that often. But am I looking through rose colored glasses?

    Having spoken to some team members, it sounds like the most disruptive part of daily life in Kyiv are the air raids, which interrupt sleep every third night or so. I do love my sleep. I’m also disabled. Things are well under control, but I’ve had plenty of medical emergencies, including a series of them earlier this year. However, we now know the cause of those, it’s managed, and there are no serious underlying issues.

    I’m many hours ahead of the US so won’t be able to participate much on this thread but would love to hear from people, especially those who have experienced life in an country during an invasion.

    Reply ↓
    2. PX*

      Ooh. Is there an end date? I’m thinking if this is like a UN type, 4 year stint role. If you are sure its aligned with your career goals and the opportunity is rare (are there definitely no other similar roles in not conflict zones?!!) then my criteria would probably be duration. When you know there is an end date to things, its amazing how you can get through them. If there’s no end date though? I would be much more worried about whether its something I could see myself doing for the next 5 years…

      I’d also seriously ask myself what coping mechanisms I usually need to get through tough times and if they are feasible and available. Could you deal with this if you knew you’d have a nice holiday every 6 months? Fast food every night? Is hiking on the weekends something you need to decompress?

      Reply ↓
    3. Goldie*

      I would be most worried about a medical emergency in a war zone. Putin might get revved up with Trump in office. You could communicate with the employer about these risks. People are living and working in Ukraine, I am sure you could too.

      Reply ↓
    4. I'm A Little Teapot*

      I can say that I personally would not. But, I am not you. Some things that come to mind for me that you may want to consider:
      –impact of US politics on Ukraine’s access to military aid or Russia’s ability to continue fighting
      –availability of consumer goods, medications, and routine medical care
      –availability/quality of emergency medical care
      –ability to travel if desired (visit home?)
      –impact of regular air raids on your mental, physical and emotional health (what does regular shorted sleep do to you? You can test this!)

      Remember that what others consider most disruptive may not be what is most disruptive to you.

      Reply ↓
    5. Caramel & Cheddar*

      If I already knew I was experiencing medical emergencies, I’d focus on what that reality might look like for living on the ground. How easy is it to access care, both emergency and ongoing? What are the costs like for foreigners? If something major happens, will you be airlifted to a different country entirely? What are the costs in that scenario? Etc.

      I think if the job is something like UN/Doctors without Borders/wartime photojournalist/etc. (or a job that would lead to a role like that) then it could be worth taking. Otherwise, I’d probably skip it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Strive to Excel*

        This was my thought – if you’re managing your medical emergencies through specific medications or processes, can you be reasonably certain your supply line would be consistent? If it isn’t, exactly how bad would be the consequences?

        Reply ↓
    6. Kitty Hawk*

      I want to add something i haven’t seen mentioned yet. Having a family member work in a country at war is immensely hard on the family back home. My sister did it for three years (she was not military) and every time there was something in the papers we were terrified until she could tell us she was safe — which she often could not do immediately. Also there is just constant anxiety for that person. I mean constant. Obviously you need to do what you need to do, but I would consider the effect on others if you can. And when they tell you to go and they’ll be fine, take it with a grain of salt.

      Reply ↓
    7. Anon4this*

      I have lived in war zones. I lived and worked in Afghanistan for years, in Iraq during the height of the Islamic State, and Syria.

      They were considered hardship posts. I got more $, was told I could go on R&R after 6 weeks and 4 weeks, and had to follow a ton of security protocols. I took those seriously.
      I was also with my partner for some of those, so having someone with me was so much more helpful. We did similar work, so having someone to talk with at the end of the day and share the experience was helpful. People who did not have a support system I found struggled a lot more and sometimes had PTSD.

      I had to have a comprehensive medical exam before I was allowed to go to one of my hardship posts. I also got training on a host of things including what to do if someone gets shot or a bomb goes off or someones arm gets blown off, etc. If your company doesn’t have these kinds of trainings to me that is a red flag. One of the places I worked I had really awful health insurance (and no trainings), so if you go check health care and benefits including medical evacs, etc to make sure you are covered for everything medically.

      I was called back or had to work for every single R&R and vacation I was meant to have. Every. single. one. My partner also had to have emergency surgery and be be flown back to the US and on a separate occasion my partner almost died during a rebel attack when they were in an African country. Someone else I know had to have emergency surgery at a hospital in-country.

      Will you have a corkscrew airplane landing? Those are not fun. I assume you’ll take a train from Poland, so hopefully won’t have to worry about it.

      I have since switched careers and have kids, so wouldn’t do that kind of work again until they were older most likely.

      If you haven’t ever worked in a conflict zone I don’t know if I would start in Ukraine. Maybe it would be ok since it is European and has more things you are used to, but being in a conflict zone also really impacts your stress and health. Ask to speak to colleagues there and ask them questions. Do research and ask for hard truths. No one told me about the corkscrew landing or that I would have a stomach ache that never went away in Afghanistan. Ask what to bring from home (medicines can be hard to come by, also stuff for your stomach and packets of electrolyte solution) and ask for the good and the bad.

      They should be honest and you really need to think about if it is the right fit. I met so many what I call danger tourists when I was in my former line of work, people who weren’t there for the right reasons or were there for their own career, not the actual work. It never worked out for any of them either professionally, health wise, or mentally.

      Good luck to you.

      Reply ↓
      1. Baldrick*

        I spent over a year on a couple work stints in Afghanistan, and know others who have worked there and all over the world in war zones. Ukraine’s proximity to Europe has made the working conditions there better than many other war zones, though I’ll be clear that this is anecdotal and I’m talking with people who are often interested in going to places like Haiti. In Kyiv they can go to restaurants and grocery stores, felt safe in the community, and they were only told to stay away from some parts of the city that are more likely to be a target due to having electricity and similar infrastructure.

        Completely agreed with the importance of working for a place that provides support before, during, and after. Also with doing research and talking with people. And the medical part is extremely important. I worked with a guy who had minor asthma problems at home yet couldn’t cope after a month in the Afghan fine dust, and in a different context a diabetic coworker had to cancel a trip when his insulin vial broke at the start and he couldn’t get insulin in that part of the world. If your condition is manageable with medication, that’s okay, but only if the medication is stable (i.e. more like a pill and not like insulin that needs to be refrigerated in a glass vial) and ensure you always carry at least 1-2 weeks’ supply with you everywhere, just in case something happens to the location where you regularly store it.

        My family was a bit worried about me, but I also had a lot of security protocols that kept me safe, and I explained it to them that I was less likely to die but if I did then it would be in the news and harder to cope. I wasn’t going to get in a traffic accident, and everyone there was very healthy so I was less likely to get sick, yet there was a very unlikely chance that I’d get hit by a mortar.

        Everyone I know went by land from Poland to Kyiv, though I’m not bothered by seasickness and the airplane landing in Afghanistan was a quick yet straight descent for me so it was like a work-sponsored roller coaster. I was more focused on the view of the surrounding landscape and city, though I know that I’m lucky to not be bothered by movement (I was once on a ship for two weeks and had no problems at all whereas my bunkmate was too sick to move so I know that I’m lucky).

        Reply ↓
    8. Helvetica*

      I’m in perhaps an adjacent field to you, and have colleagues in Ukraine. The main thing is the exhaustion from being up – even if the missiles do not reach Kyiv, drones still do and from time to time, they do hit residential areas. I know plenty of people who don’t bother going to the basement during the raid, at of course risk to their own health and safety.
      I have considered a posting in Kyiv myself and to be honest, the overall level of danger seems manageable but the lack of sleep would be exhausting. And I do not have medical issues, which does seem to be a compounding issue.

      Reply ↓
  17. Fluff*

    Hi all,

    What are some of your favorite scripts to reply to those texts, teams messages and similar where the person does:
    “good morning”
    “hey”
    And you have to be professional? These take up so much space in my anxious brain – and I wish I could just ignore them.

    And then same, when people ask you information they can get themselves, but text you because it is easy and they see you are online? I don’t want to snark, and I don’t want to be the easy button forever.
    “when is this pt going to X?”
    etc.
    Professional, polite shut down without more back and forth. I tried “?” but that gets more.”dont ask me.” is snark. I am angry but do not want to have that show.

    Thanks

    Reply ↓
    1. Armchair analyst*

      For the first one:
      “Hey what’s up I’m pretty busy”

      For the second one:
      “I’ll let you know”
      Can add, “do you have a time it is needed?”

      Reply ↓
    2. ThatGirl*

      Do you think they want something and are waiting for your reply, or do they just want to say hi? Either way, I don’t think you need to let it take up that much space – either reply with “good morning” or “can I help you with something?” and if the conversation continues, great. If not, no problem, you did your part.

      Reply ↓
    3. WantonSeedStitch*

      If I see a “good morning” or a “hi” in Slack, I will usually wait a minute or so to see if the person is writing a following message. If not, I will just reply with a “hi!” back and wait until they let me know what they need. If a few minutes go by and they don’t say anything, I assume they got sidetracked by something else, and might prompt them with a “what can I do for you?”

      Reply ↓
    4. Zombeyonce*

      For “hey/good morning” messages, I reply with a wave emoji unit or don’t reply at all until they actually send their question.

      For info they can get themselves, I don’t reply right away. Give them some time to show that you’re not the easy path. Once I do reply (depending on who it is, don’t do this to your boss!), I will reply with where/how they can find that info rather than telling them. I’d prefer to teach them to fish a couple of times rather than becoming their quick solution to all questions forever.

      Reply ↓
      1. Analytical Tree Hugger*

        Seconding this approach, e.g., “I’m not sure. What does (generic name for relevant doc/resource) say?”

        Reply ↓
      2. Toxic Workplace Survivor*

        Agreed that “wait 5 minutes and see if they figure it out by themselves” is tried and true technique. It can be hard for anxious types or anyone who is a “go-to” person in their workplace to resist the urge to immediately respond (ask me how I know this), but Fluff, that is the only way to train someone that you shouldn’t be their first port of call for answering basic questions. Good luck!

        Reply ↓
    5. A large cage of birds*

      Generally I will tell people where to find the info. (Unless it’s a boss of course. Then I may tell them and send a link for more info, if appropriate)

      Reply ↓
    6. Lucky*

      For the “hey” and then leave you hanging text messages, I just reply something like “hi, what’s up?” to encourage the texter to get to the f’ing point. But then I ignore until they respond with their point.

      Your second question is one I’ve been working on with one of my reports, who manages a process that uses a not-difficult technology system, but that our users are reluctant to learn. So they ask a question that they hope will get her to just do the system work for them. We’ve come up with a few scripts for her to say, essentially “It looks like you need help with X. Your next step is Y. Here’s a link to the training resource for that. My next office hours are Xday at Y.” Rinse & repeat. Our theme for the year is ‘apply continuous gentle pressure.’

      Reply ↓
    7. Claire*

      I recommend “helping” them find the information they need instead of just giving it to them.
      “When is this pt going to X”
      “I think the deadline is in the email I sent yesterday”

      While you KNOW the deadline is in the email, it softens it a bit and helps adhere to social norms. If you consistently point people to other resources, you will train them to go to those resources first because you’re not actually speeding anything up for them.

      If they don’t get the hint, you’ve got to address the pattern head on:
      “Hey, you often ask me for details that are easily found in other places. I’m easily distracted and these interruptions interrupt my workflow. Can you please check a few obvious places before asking me? Thanks!”

      The key to all of this is to say it in a kind and even tone.

      Reply ↓
    9. Sunflower*

      So some people actually put on their Slack or Teams status a link to a ‘no hi messages’ page. The page explains how you don’t reply to messages without context and why it’s important to provide your ask all at once. If it’s taking up that much mental space for you, I’d consider this vs just ignoring until they ask you what they want.

      Reply ↓
      1. An Australian in London*

        For a long time, I posted “hi and why” as my status. Most people didn’t get it.

        I’ve seen others with links to those sites (I like nohello). I’ve asked a couple of them if it works. They say mostly not; people don’t read.

        Reply ↓
    10. Burnt Out Librarian*

      A coworker of mine has been just not responding to the first scenario. Honestly if not for the fact that we have a tightly-wound admin who’d probably not be cool with it, I’d have this in my Teams profile: https://nohello.net/en/

      Absolutely hate this practice. Such a time waster. Just tell me what you want/need! No need to ask how I’m doing or how my weekend was.

      Reply ↓
    11. EMP*

      Is it the interruption or the lack of subject line that bothers you with the hey/good mornings? If it’s the interruption, is it acceptable to set yourself to idle/away/do not disturb? My team knows I set the chat to do not disturb every afternoon so they don’t expect prompt replies and I don’t get push notifications during those hours.

      Reply ↓
    12. Lemons*

      I HATE when people send a greeting and wait for you to reply before telling you what they want, it feels like such a performative waste of time for me. However, I know for them, it feels impolite to launch into a request without pleasantries, so I say just try to not let it bother you, it’s a difference in styles.

      For stuff they could look up themselves, I’d direct them to wherever they can find the info.

      Reply ↓
    13. cmdrspacebabe*

      For the “Hi” “Good morning” etc., I just assume they have a question but think it’s rude to front-load without a greeting. I just respond, “Hi! What’s up? (:” or something to that effect so they’ll get to the point.

      For information they can get themselves, depends on the person. If it’s a first time, I’ll help but let them know where to get it. After that, it depends. If it’s someone who’s generally not a time-drain, I’ll figure they’re just frazzled today and help out if I have a minute. If it’s a pattern, I will cheerfully reduce my helpfulness (and promptness) over time. Instead of sending them a direct link to the thing they want, for ex, I’d tell them ‘Those are always in the X folder, have a look there!’

      Reply ↓
    14. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      I’d just respond to “good morning” with “good morning”. For some reason there are a lot of people who think it’s polite to just send out a greeting and wait for a response before actually getting to the reason why they’re contacting you, so this lets them move on to the actual point of the conversation.

      I’m not clear on “when is this pt going to X” means here, but for a simple question where they can answer it themselves I’d probably say something like “I’m busy at the moment, but can get back to you in a few hours”. Probably by then they’ll have solved it themselves, and it will train them out of going to you immediately.

      Reply ↓
    15. tabloidtainted*

      First one, wait a minute or two and if they don’t have a second message (and you’re not friendly with them/know they’re not just chatting to ask about your weekend, etc.), say, “Morning! How can I help?”

      Second one, respond and tell them who/what is the better source of that information for next time: “I just checked with Rob and he says Wednesday. He’s the best person to ask, for next time.” “I believe it’s Wednesday, but you can look it up in XYZ to confirm.”

      Reply ↓
    16. Admin of Sys*

      I’m on the rare side of liking the ‘Hello’ intros – it gives me space to respond with ‘Hi – I’m busy, can it wait until ‘. If I’m not busy, I’ll usually just say Hi back and ask what’s up. If there’s a chance they actually just want to chitchat (extremely unlikely, but you never know), I’ll just respond when I get the chance, and treat it as super low priority.

      As to the ‘Where can I find ‘ questions, I’ll usually respond with the answer and the location of the answer the first time, and then just the directions / location of the answer the second time, and if the same person asks the third time, I’ll instruct them how to search teams/chat/email for the answer I’ve already given them.
      I try to give people the answer the first time because there’s a lot of times when I think something is easy to find and other people don’t know the environment / haven’t been shown the new wiki location / have sucky search ability, etc.

      Reply ↓
    17. saskia*

      #1 – “Hey, what’s up?” or “Hey, hope you’re well. Busy day over here. Do you need something?” Once you talk to them, let them know you prefer they jump straight into their question next time, in the interest of saving time for the both of you.

      #2 – If it’s the first or second time they’ve asked, give them the info, and then tell them how to find it themselves. “Pt goes to X at 4pm tomorrow. In the future, please check [link to resource] for that info. Thanks!”

      What are the expectations around comms in your role? You’re tempted to say “don’t ask me;” does that mean people are going to you for tasks not in your purview that they should be speaking to a different department/person for instead? If so, you can always direct them there instead… just trying to figure out where the anger and anxiety are coming from.

      Reply ↓
    18. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I don’t reply to “good morning” or “hey”. Some people will send that first and then start typing their actual question, so I wait. If the question never comes, that’s on them. If it’s someone who persistently does this, after while I might say “Just FYI you can just ask me a question directly rather than saying hi and waiting for a reply, that way if I’m not at my desk I can respond immediately when I get back.”

      When people ask me stuff they can get themselves, I say “It’s on the wiki/SharePoint/Teams folder/whatever” because I feel like less of a jerk for redirecting them because at least I’ve pointed them in the right direction even if I refuse to get the actual information for them. Alternately, I might say “Where did you check so far?” or “What have you tried already?” The answer is usually nothing, which I know, but at least I can pretend that I was trying to avoid suggesting something they may have already tried.

      Reply ↓
    19. Toxic Workplace Survivor*

      There’s good practical advice in this thread. I’d also offer some reframing advice: the “hey” DM that annoys the recipient is sometimes an indicator of two people with extremely different communication styles.

      You don’t need to get into Myers Briggs or other personality tests to understand that people communicate using lots of different styles. We all have our preferences (I’m on Fluff’s side and HATE no-context texts that don’t push the conversation forward), but there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to do this stuff, it’s just that communication styles look different for different people. I still suggest a “hey, what’s up?” response or even waiting until they actually ask you a question/let you know they have a business need, but sometimes realizing that the person may hate a direct approach as much as you dislike their style can take a bit of the heat out of the whole thing. “That’s just Fred, he always does the hi thing, oh well” is easier on your blood pressure than “What the heck is up with this annoying guy and his refusal to communicate.”

      And if it is someone that you’re working somewhat closely with, it’s ok to let them know some of this stuff. “Hey Fred, I noticed you often start a DM with a hi, but I actually prefer to just launch right in as it saves time. Do you mind trying that in the future?” sometimes you can at least find a happy medium that way. For direct types, it can help to let others know that you are a direct person, as others sometimes misunderstand it as curt or negative!

      Reply ↓
    20. fhqwhgads*

      To the “good morning”s or “hey”s, if it doesn’t show that they’re typing shortly after, implying elaboration is imminent, depending on the person I’ll say “what’s up”. If I’m slammed, I’ll say nothing and leave it on them to either proceed anyway – or if they were waiting for acknowledgement I assume that means they care if I’m available or not, so if I’m not, not responding until I am is fair game.
      If they ask me something they could’ve figured out themselves, I usually tell them where to look instead of the answer. Especially because usually if I were going to tell them the answer, I’d look there first anyway.

      Reply ↓
  18. Please*

    What accommodations do people have at work for ADHD / executive dysfunction? Keeping track of deadlines
    Breaking projects into small parts
    Managing time well
    How can I help myself or ask my manager to help me?
    Client-focused work, think consulting, big on technology

    I always feel behind which stresses me out and causes shame which makes me not want to do anything which makes me behind…

    Reply ↓
    1. AnonForThis*

      I have an employee whose accommodations for this or something similar include things like:
      * A period of a couple hours during the day when we avoid scheduling meetings with them. They acknowledge this isn’t always possible, but we do make the effort and it’s not usually a big deal. This gives them time to focus on heads-down work.
      * Written instructions, clear and detailed, for complex assignments that are outside the day-to-day. That way they have something they can refer back to instead of relying on their ability to catch and note or remember every nuance of verbal instructions.
      * Use of Goblin Tools (I think they have a paid account that our employer pays for)
      * More frequent check-ins with management to help them keep on top of things. This might be meetings, or it might just be a list of “Right now, my list of things I owe you is X on $date, Y on $date, and Z on $date. Does that match up with what you’re expecting of me?”

      Reply ↓
    2. ferrina*

      I’m ADHD, and while I don’t have formal accommodations, I have been able to implement strategies that help me.

      –Have a single source of truth. When your deadlines/project details are documented in different places, it makes it hard to look them up. Keep a single place of what your projects are and what the big timelines are. Ideally your organization would have a project management software that can do this for you, but I’ve also used Excel or just papers on a bulletin board.
      –Block out the first 15 minutes to organize your day. This can help you refresh yourself on what you are working on and what you need to do today. Make two lists- what needs to get done, and what you want to get done. That will help with prioritizing. This can also help if (like me) you have days where your symptoms decide to go in full Distraction Mode and it’s going to be a tough day to get stuff done. Sometimes I need to know when to just stop fighting and say “tomorrow will be better”
      –Figure out your flavor of ADHD. Everyone’s ADHD is different, so it’s important to understand your specific tendencies. Is it that you go into hyperfocus when you dive into certain types of work? (the amount of ADHD analysts I’ve seen go into data rabbit holes when hyperfocus hits….) In that case, schedule the data analysis for a specific day and make it all you do. Do the high priority analysis first, then dive into the rabbitholes as a special treat. Make note of your strengths, weaknesses, and where you go off the rails.
      –Schedule check-ins. Set a check-in meeting with your boss/project manager when you are 1/3 of the way through. Agenda: Share what you have already done, make sure it aligns with what they were expecting you to do, share any surprises/questions/challenges and get guidance, and share your plan for next steps. This meeting both helps you better align with your boss/project owner, and also creates a deadline for the point by which you need to have a certain amount of the project done.
      –Recognize the shame as a reflection of being a square piece in a round world, not a reflection of you as a person. Almost all ADHDers deal with shame. We’ve experienced more criticism and negative feedback than our neurotypical peers (studies have been done on this). Many of us were called “lazy”, “disruptive”, and even “bad”; we were told that we were “choosing not to fill our potential”. Of course this created a long-lasting insecurity!
      While shame can sometimes be a productive emotion (like, I would be ashamed if I got angry and hit someone- the shame is a deterrent to violence), it can also be a counterproductive emotion. When the shame is preventing us from doing what we need to do, it’s time to unpack that. How To ADHD and Brene Brown both have some excellent work on how to unpack shame when it becomes counterproductive- I’ll post some links in a reply here.

      Let us know if there’s something more specific! AAM has some wonderful ADHD commentors who have great advice.

      Reply ↓
      1. ferrina*

        Dealing with shame before you can deal with a task (aka, The Wall of Awful) by How to ADHD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo08uS904Rg

        Shame and shame resilience research by Dr. Brene Brown (this isn’t specifically on ADHD): https://positivepsychology.com/shame-resilience-theory/

        Shame and ADHD by Dr. Edward Hallowell (a leading researcher on ADHD): https://drhallowell.com/2017/04/26/adhd-and-shame/

        All three of these people (How to ADHD, Dr. Brene Brown and Dr. Edward Hallowell) have a ton of resources and have done a lot of research in their subject area. If any of these vibe with you, I highly recommend jumping down this rabbit hole!

        Reply ↓
    3. Productivity Pigeon*

      I was a management consultant and got diagnosed with ADHD in my second year.

      I was a management consultant and got diagnosed with ADHD in my second year.

      Things that helped me:
      – color coding in my outlook calendar. I had one color for Client 1, one for Client 2, one for sales work, one for mentoring junior consultants…

      – I had a ”master QA checklist” for important deliverables that included things like making sure I used the correct color for our logo, double-checking all links and things like that. (I’m sure I can find it somewhere)

      – Every morning I wrote down my goals for the day and then looked them over and checked them off when I went home

      – I decided before I went home what thing I would do first thing in the morning and left that document or file open in my computer so it was the first thing I saw when I got to the office in the morning

      – I tried to organized my to do list based on how much focus they required. So I had a list of stuff I could do while I waited for meetings to start or stuff like that.

      – there are time-tracking apps where you can create a category for each client, for example. Helps with time sheets.

      – I knew what stuff I couldn’t get done at the office. If I had to do a lot of reading, I worked from home, for example.

      I have a lot more so I might go back and add to these later.

      Reply ↓
      1. ferrina*

        Seconding the color coding and QA checklists!
        My color coding is seen as a fun quirk, but it really helps me! And the QA checklist is essential- it means that even when my brain isn’t working with me, it’s easy for me to do one thing at a time and make sure it’s taken care of.

        Reply ↓
    4. cmdrspacebabe*

      Ugh, that “always feeling behind” shame is the woooorst. (I’m also ADHD!)

      One thing I find helps is keeping not only a to-do list, but a just-done list. Every time I do something, I log it in a journal. Otherwise, it’s way too easy to get lost in that “I’m so behind” miasma and forget that I actually AM accomplishing things. That shame state tends to be obfuscating – you get too stuck in that “I Suck” mindset to remember the facts beyond the feeling. I’ve wound up feeling like I’ve totally wasted a day, then looked back at my emails and realized I actually did quite a bit – it just didn’t register because the I’m So Behind thought-habit is too strong. Keep an inventory of what you do and you can argue with that voice more effectively.

      It can also help you look for patterns to refine your workflow. Are there particular days where the Just-Done list is way shorter, or way longer? Does that correlate with things like your start/end times, or how tired you are, or the weather, or a particular project or kind of task? Once you have an idea of those patterns, you might be able to get a better idea of where you’re running into barriers and how to work around them.

      Reply ↓
      1. cmdrspacebabe*

        Oh, extra note: the Just-Done list isn’t just for to-do list items; it’s also for in-between things that come up outside of your known tasks. Mine helped me realize that on a lot of my ‘wasted time’ days, I was actually spending that time on valuable stuff – providing advice or guidance on other people’s projects, pitching in to cover an absence, having impromptu planning sessions or relationship-building, even just thinking through hard problems. Those things are all work and all valuable, but I didn’t REMEMBER them as ‘proper work’ since they weren’t on my task lists.

        Reply ↓
        1. Qwerty*

          oooh, I’m gonna steal that idea. It could also be helpful for figuring out whether those hidden-time items are helpful or distracting.

          Reply ↓
    5. Three Cats in a Trenchcoat*

      A common accommodation I have written for patients with ADHD is for note taking services (whether it is through some sort of AI or someone else in the meeting, etc). A lot of people with ADHD have difficulty with verbally processing while also taking notes, and so having that work offloaded can help with staying on track/focused during meetings.

      Reply ↓
  19. calm blue ocean*

    US federal employees: how freaked out should I be about the end of remote work thing? I have a reasonable accommodation for telework, and my entire program office is 100% remote, there is literally not physical office space for any of us except maybe the director in DC.

    Please help me calm down, I’ve been in a panic attack since last night.

    Reply ↓
    1. Scott*

      Based on the wording of the memo from OPM, your reasonable accommodation likely will be in your favor to remain remote. I know it’s hard to not feel anxious about it but, until you’ve been told anything official by your agency, there isn’t anything to do. Focus on the good parts of your job and know that many of your fellow feds are in the same space.

      Reply ↓
      1. calm blue ocean*

        All we got was the director passing along all the offiical language stuff (including on the DEIA), including that they’re recommending a 30 day implementation on the return to the office. Which I did not find reassuring in the slightest.

        Reply ↓
        1. WellRed*

          They can recommend all they want to but the government is not a private fiefdom (ahem) and they will run into laws, contracts and logistical constraints. I agree with Scott that your accommodation will help, as will the lack of your office space. You are understandably anxious but part of that is due to the lack of information. I hope your director, offers some more thoughtful messaging soon.

          Reply ↓
    2. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      They, for the moment, still need to follow the ADA, so a reasonable accommodation is likely to remain in place for the time being – depending on how aggressive your agency is about enforcing RTO (and a lack of physical space may work in your favor) you probably won’t see any immediate changes.

      Reply ↓
    3. Goddess47*

      As with any initial but not-fully-fleshed-out directive… do not comply in advance. Wait for *all* the written directives and decisions. *Then* reach out with your request for accommodations.

      The broad statement of ‘everyone will return to office’ is a wish-list and not a written directive. Wait for your supervisor to provide concrete directions on what you and your colleagues are to do.

      Breathe. It’s all we can do. Good luck!

      Reply ↓
  20. Blue Spoon*

    Is asking logistics questions in a job interview (as the interviewee) seen as presumptuous? I was recently passed over for two different transfers in my organization. One of them would have been a step up for me and was given to someone with more management experience, which I understand. The other one was a lateral move which I was recommended towards by our director and everyone I’ve talked to agrees that I was well-suited for–I received a “sorry, we’ve decided to go with someone else” email a week after the interview (the other one called me and explained their logic) and they still haven’t announced who got the position.

    I’m trying to figure out why I was passed over, and the only thing I can think about is that during the interview when they asked if I had any questions, most of the questions I had were logistical (ie “what would the hours be?” [the position works one night late and I didn’t know that location’s weekend rotation] or questions about issues unique to their location). Is that seen as presumptuous by interviewers? I did something similar in the interview for the other position, so I’m also wondering if that could have been a factor in their decision.

    Reply ↓
    1. Zombeyonce*

      That’s a completely normal question. If they passed you over for that, you probably don’t want to work for that group. It’s more likely they already had someone in mind.

      Reply ↓
      1. Blue Spoon*

        I realize it’s a normal question, but I think part of the issue is that all my questions were like that instead of broader questions like the ones we see recommended on AAM. I think the closest I got to a broad question was “what has the person currently in this position been doing that’s going well?” so I knew what to prioritize continuing if I got the position.

        Reply ↓
        1. HR Exec Popping In*

          Chances are they just went with someone who was more qualified – not that you were not qualified or a good candidate or that you asked those questions. However I do think it is important to also be sure to ask questions that demonstrate strategic thinking and broader thinking. Questions that show you want to understand the purpose of the work and how to be successful.

          Reply ↓
    2. MsM*

      If the bulk of your questions were logistical, then yeah, it’s possible the interviewers went with someone who showed more interest in digging into what the day to day work would look like, or asked something that demonstrated they really understood the position or would be a good fit with the department. But it’s also possible those candidates demonstrated those things throughout the interview, so it didn’t really matter by the time you got to the questions. Or it could’ve been something else out of your control. Are you able to ask for feedback?

      Reply ↓
    3. WantonSeedStitch*

      There is nothing wrong with asking logistical questions if they would help you make a decision about whether or not to take the job if it were offered. That said, if someone ONLY had logistical questions, I might feel like they weren’t really thinking a lot about the NATURE of the job. I would also like to hear them ask questions that would help them get an understanding of what we really want out of the role, and what would make someone successful in it. Though if you did have questions about the role itself and the interview has already answered them, you can say something like, “well, you already answered my questions about what you’re expecting from this role in the first year and what kinds of characteristics you need the person in this role to have–thanks for that. But I’m curious about the hours for the position.”

      Reply ↓
    4. WellRed*

      I don’t know about presumptuous but it also wasn’t particularly thoughtful of what the role entailed. Did you ask anything like “what type of person succeeds in this role? What does a typical day look like?”

      Reply ↓
      1. Blue Spoon*

        For clarification, the position would have been almost identical to my current position, just at a different location and with a different focus (effectively being in charge of an area in the other [smaller] location that I’ve been assisting with in my current location) so I was already familiar with a lot of the day-to-day.

        Reply ↓
        1. ecnaseener*

          Being familiar with the general day-to-day work probably means you can come up with some more nuanced questions – things you’re genuinely wondering about as you picture what the new job would be like. Do they use the same processes / resources / techniques / etc as you’re used to?

          Reply ↓
    5. TechWorker*

      Also in the nicest possible way there’s not always going to be a nice clear reason you didn’t get the job – they will be interviewing multiple people and sometimes even if you’re ‘very well suited’ someone else might be even better. There could be other reasons they’ve not announced yet.

      Reply ↓
    6. Qwerty*

      Interviews are a not a pass/fail situation – you can do well and still not get the job. You don’t have to do anything “wrong” for another candidate to present as a stronger match for the role. It can be tough when there is no clear action – maybe find a way to take your mind off this and treat yourself to something nice?

      You can try asking if there is anything that would strengthen your candidacy in the future – note that this wouldn’t be feedback on the interview you did, but more general advice giving.

      Reply ↓
      1. Goldie*

        This–I doubt it was just the questions you asked. Once the position is filled, maybe look at the new person and the qualifications they might have. You might also look at what your internal reputation is where you work. I would think that your reputation would be the biggest attribute/challenge you could bring to an internal job search.

        Reply ↓
    7. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Logistical questions are fine, just not as the only questions and not first. You need to ask questions that probe further into the nature of the work / work environment, and after you’ve done that, I think it’s fair to say “I do have a couple of logistical questions.”

      Ideally, I think the hiring team should be proactive about that kind of thing, e.g. “This role works out of our King’s Landing location, and requires one late night per week from 7pm-11pm. That night rotates amongst the staff, so you should only have to work it once per month.” Or whatever. Most places aren’t that upfront, though, so I don’t think it would have been out of line for you to say “I know the role operates out of King’s Landing; is there a specific night that I’d be required to work late, or is it more of a rotation?”

      In any case, it probably isn’t the reason you didn’t get the job, so these are suggestions for your next interview.

      Reply ↓
  21. Stay or Go*

    Is anyone else in DC anticipating there might be a local recession? I’m trying to decide if I should take an okay-but-not great fully remote offer now, and not try to hold out, because I worry the market here may collapse and remote jobs may be particularly in demand …

    Reply ↓
      1. Watry*

        I also don’t live in the area, but if they fire everyone they say they want to fire, either there’s going to be a local recession or the population is going to drop as everyone leaves. Which may also lead to a local recession, I suppose.

        Reply ↓
    2. Nonsense pt2*

      It’s not gonna be just a local recession. So it comes down to the usual mental scale in such cases – is the security of an ok-not-great job worth staying fully remote? Do you see an inklings that it could be yet another industry moving back to butts in seats? Do you need to consider the logistics of selling a house or everything that comes with moving kids?

      And if you really can’t decide, try holding a pendulum or something similar over papers with yes/no written on them. Your body will react with minute movement go “pull” the pendulum towards the answer you subconsciously want. And now you know how that fortune telling trick works!

      Reply ↓
    3. moql*

      I don’t know your situation, but even before November remote jobs were starting to be scarce. I have a few friends who would like to move on and have been looking since summer but can’t find anything fully remote. I think a lot of companies that went remote during covid are starting return to office programs or just making all new hires in-office. If remote is important to you I would take this job and keep looking.

      Reply ↓
  22. Sigh*

    I’m almost at the point of negotiations for a new job. I have a lot of vacation time at my current job(5 weeks I’m the US!) . I also have a 2 week trip planned for Christmas 2025. Is it “too much” to try and negotiate my non refundable vacation and ask for 3 weeks in total for vacation? If it matters my vacation in December is non refundable but I can move the trip to a different time in 2025.

    Reply ↓
    1. AvonLady Barksdale*

      How much vacation do they typically provide? And how senior are you? Negotiating vacation is definitely a thing you can do.

      Reply ↓
        1. Hlao-roo*

          Vacation time is very important to me. During my last job search, I was prepared to turn down offers that met all of my other criteria (type of work, salary, etc.) if the company didn’t match the vacation time I had at my previous company. (I liked the job I was leaving well enough that a longer job search wasn’t a problem, which was part of why I was prepared to turn down offers.)

          With that preface, if I were you I would say, “I have already booked a 2-week vacation from Dec. XX to Dec. YY. Is it possible for me to get that time off at the end of this year?” Then after they hopefully agree to the pre-booked vacation, I would say “I currently have 5 weeks of vacation time at my current job. Would it be possible for me to start with 4 weeks of vacation time at [company]?”

          If you feel more comfortable asking for 3 weeks, you can do that too. I personally would ask for 4 or 5 (to be closer or to match what you currently have), but you might feel less strongly than I do about vacation time or there might be other factors at play that make 3 a better ask.

          Good luck with the negotiations!

          Reply ↓
          1. Sigh*

            I love my vacation time and would love the extra weeks. My December vacation is Jon refundable and I was worried about asking for both

            Reply ↓
          2. EA*

            I would do this, but the opposite way. First, I’d state that you currently get 5 weeks of vacation and do what the previous poster said, ask for 4 weeks. If they say yes, or even say no to 4 but yes to 3, then you can ask if you could use two of those weeks in December. Check!

            If they say no to any extra time, then you could bring up the prebooked December vacation as a bargaining point to get at least 3 weeks this year. (That said, pre-booking a non refundable vacation almost a full year out seems a little strange – is it like an international trip to see family? If so, I’d mention that)

            Reply ↓
          3. Caramel & Cheddar*

            I feel similarly strongly about vacation, and so I would definitely start out asking for a match (e.g. “I currently have five weeks of vacation and would be hesitant to lose that amount. Are you able to match my current vacation benefit?”).

            If five feels like a huge jump from two weeks, you can definitely ask for three or four, but I think you need to keep in the back of your mind, OP, that two weeks for a senior staff person is really stingy even in the US. So when you’re negotiating, keep in mind that this is a low-ball vacation offer and try to get it as high as you can. I’d negotiate assuming three weeks is their bottom, because that really is the minimum they should be offering you even if you weren’t already earning five weeks.

            Reply ↓
  23. Beauty and Roast Beef*

    I tried to stand up for myself today and feel like it totally fell flat. I’ve been picking up slack for a coworker (my former boss) who likes to feign that she’s so overwhelmed and busy but when we meet weekly, her task list is consistently so light compared to mine. I got promoted last year and no one’s replaced my old role so I’m still filling in for that too. And yesterday, in a meeting that I hoped was related to my professional development/higher position in our department with fellow department leaders, I saw in one of the presentation slides that I was cropped out of a photo when the rest of my team was displayed. It feels silly on its face, but it made me feel so defeated.

    My confidence has been a little frayed with how much my day to day really hasn’t changed that much since this ‘promotion’ and that just felt like the proverbial last straw.

    When I pointed it out, I got the canned response that it was so the photo would fit on the slide, I’m a valued member of the team, blah blah blah. But I feel really crummy.

    Reply ↓
    1. MsM*

      Sounds like a good opportunity to tidy up your resume and start browsing listings. In the meantime, though, might be time to schedule a conversation with your boss to talk through division of labor to remind them how much you’re doing and see if any of the stuff coworker’s foisting on you can come off your plate.

      Reply ↓
      1. Beauty and Roast Beef*

        For sure, this week has been all the motivation to rev up my job search. The twist is that my boss is aware this coworker is a problem and has been asking me for input on how we can restructure the department. But so far I haven’t seen any concrete changes from those conversations.

        Reply ↓
        1. WestSideStory*

          If you have a good relationship – maybe bite the bullet and say fire them and hire 2 more people? Maybe soften it a bit and ask about financials first – jobs do get added in restructurings, and if she is asking your input, tell her at this point let’s get down to nitty gritty – what is the budget for this department’s staffing?
          Boss may bristle at your boldness, but in good organizations, staffing can’t be re-arranged until you know the numbers. So ask!
          Please see my other advice below – if you are being relied upon to give advice, you may have more power than you know to change your current situation.

          Reply ↓
          1. MsM*

            Or if the relationship is really, really good, be blunt and say that you’re at a breaking point and you need to see movement on this, because you’re certainly not feeling valued right now. If it doesn’t happen, they can’t say they weren’t warned if you ramp up your job search.

            Reply ↓
    3. Jackie Daytona, Regular Human Bartender*

      The photo is not the problem, but it’s understandable why that would trigger the feels in the context of the actual problem. You are doing two jobs plus picking up a co-worker’s slack? You’re being held back from growth in your higher level role. That’s not sustainable.

      The employer doesn’t care because the work is getting done. Let the photo go because that’s easy for them no make caring-like noises about without anyone actually having to *do* anything.

      Focus on a game plan for the real issues: you’re being held back and overworked.

      Reply ↓
      1. Beauty and Roast Beef*

        Yep, this is a great summary of my frustration. This coworker has been identified as a problem (and not just within our department) but so far there hasn’t been any concrete changes, and why would there be when the work is still getting done? This week felt like the one that has me ready to cut my losses and just dip.

        Reply ↓
        1. WestSideStory*

          Look, you are doing the job of two people (plus picking up your ex-bosses “slack”. And I’ll bet a donut you are also working late and attending to business on weekends.
          The routine advice I’ve seen here is to go to your BOSS and ask her to prioritize what she wants done, letting her know that you “can do X and Y, but don’t have hours left to do Z” with a particular aim of targeting the functions your co-worker can do, and what the other staff person had been doing.
          Then get the boss to formalize this in an email or other document, so you can fob off what is not considered relevant by your direct manager.
          The company will never add staff as long as you are making it easy to overwork you. The photo thing was insulting, and while we can’t attribute malice to what was merely stupid, I would let it simmer in a quiet way. For example, stop overtime/weekends and especially let the co-worker’s tasks fall through the cracks. And start looking. You are not valued there.

          Reply ↓
    4. Mulligatawney*

      Won’t fit on the slide! I call BS!

      You mean to tell me that nobody at your company knows how to resize a graphic? I would have asked them that on the spot.

      Reply ↓
      1. cheap ass rolling with it*

        Thought the same thing. It’s BS — drag the arrow and make the pic fit. If they knew how to crop an image, they know how to resize an image. (In fact, cropping takes 2 clicks, resizing takes only 1!)

        OP — start looking. This is BS.

        Reply ↓
  24. No good*

    How do you deal with a poor performance review? I had one this week and it was rough. Literally not one good thing. There are a few factors that impact how well I perform that I can’t control, but it sometimes means I miss my metrics. Which is totally unfair, but there’s nothing I can do about it besides continue to point it out. But the other problem is me. We were bought by another company in 2023 and it’s been nuts. The more things fall apart, the more my performance suffers. It’s like I freeze, whereas I would have normally jumped in to help fix things. I’m struggling to do even the most basic functions of my job, because I just sort of shut down. Is this burnout? Analysis paralysis? Is my brain fried?
    I’m brushing up the old resume this weekend, but a new job probably won’t be a quick fix unless I get really lucky. In the meantime, every day there’s a new disaster, and every day I beat myself up for just not getting stuff done, and feeling really defeated/demotivated by the performance review. I need to get past this so I can get back on track.

    Reply ↓
    1. Productivity Pigeon*

      I’m really sorry to hear that. It sounds like an incredibly stressful situation!

      You might not be able to answer this but is there truly nothing you do well? Or is it that your managers aren’t acknowledging those good thing?
      Basically, is this mainly a You-problem or a Company – problem?

      Reply ↓
      1. No good*

        I think it’s that Company-Problems that have affected me to the point that I’m developing Me-Problems, or my already existing Me-Problem are getting worse.

        Reply ↓
        1. Productivity Pigeon*

          Okay, thank you.

          It sounds like you are doing your best in a very tense and stressful situation.

          What would happen if you tried to do LESS? instead of trying to catch up, try to do the minimum necessary for a little while so you can breathe?

          Reply ↓
          1. No good*

            I’d love to! But I think that would actually make things worse, unfortunately. I try to do that on my quieter days, but I don’t have many quiet days.

            Reply ↓
    2. Toads*

      I’m sorry you’re going through this! It sounds a lot like burnout to me. Chaos at work can take a heavy toll. I think that looking for a new job might help you feel better even if it takes awhile because you’ll know you’re working on finding a better situation for yourself. Are there any self-care things that might help that have fallen away as work got more stressful that you could start doing again like writing in a journal, meditating at lunch, or other stuff like that?

      Reply ↓
      1. No good*

        Nothing that has really fallen away, but maybe switching it up a bit would be helpful. A vacation would also be wonderful, but not really doable right now because of some financial stuff that has popped up. In a few months, I might be able to swing it.

        Reply ↓
    3. Qwerty*

      Can you take a couple days off and completely disconnect from work to recharge?

      A common problem for struggling employees is the anxiety that comes with it can grow into its own beast. You know you are behind or not doing well, so you get anxious about your performance and/or overanalyze everything that your manager says to you, which causes your brain to freeze so you get more behind….and on and on…

      Part of getting back on track is accepting that right now you and this job aren’t a good fit – take the emotions (aka shame) out of it. It doesn’t mean that you have to leave this job, but use it to identify the friction points and see if there is a root cause.

      When someone is struggling, I find it best to focus on just two items of improvement at a time. Work with your boss on ranking the priority of improvements so that you are both focusing on your performance on X and Y while both knowing that Z is going to stay at its current level for a while. Ideally those two items are one easy thing (to boost morale) and one bigger thing. Like show up on time (easy fix, very visible, and might help other issues) and attention to detail (vague, harder item that will be a multi-step process).

      You mention not getting things done, so one thing I’ll flag is work out with your boss what kind of communication she wants around your workload. Sometimes simply being more transparent is helpful – with a bit of transparency, I can often predict what balls my struggling report is going to drop which allows me more time to start mitigating the fallout or create a backup plan. Or see when they start going in the wrong direction and get them back on track before we lose half a day.

      Reply ↓
      1. No good*

        Yeah, I can take a couple days off, and am planning to do so in the very near future. Just need to decide when!
        Your paragraph about the anxiety sums it all up perfectly! The rest of what you wrote is good advice and I’m certainly going to give it some thought.

        Reply ↓
    4. Tio*

      This does sound like a stress response exacerbating some problems you have to one degree.

      For the things impacting your performance you can’t control – Have you talked to your boss about this? Have you tried to find a way to have things delayed with none of your control over them removed from your metrics as exceptions? If not, ask her questions like “What solutions do you suggest to avoid this not meeting KPI that I could implement?” and then if she has no ideas *that you can do*, ask if anything with a delay beyond your control be removed/exempted from your personal metric tracking. And how are you tracking these external delays and reporting them to your boss/the blockage department?

      You’ll want to go into this with an attitude of “I want to find a solution for this problem!” but also if you’re asking these sorts of questions it should become pretty obvious if these things are out of your control. And if you do get solutions or exemptions, then maybe it will feel less stressful and reduce your actual errors.

      Reply ↓
      1. No good*

        Yup, I have and she agrees with me, but the powers that be are stuck on the metrics as they are, so there’s definitely nothing I can do, and I think generally speaking, no one else has been receptive to changing anything. It’s ones of those situations where if I miss one target, there’s a pretty good chance I’ll miss one or two others that depend on that first missed target.
        I keep her in the loop with everything, via emails, 1:1, etc.
        Idk, I’m just frustrated and it’s showing in my work and probably even in my attitude. At least I’m not the only person in this boat; others are feeling the same pain, too.

        Reply ↓
        1. Tio*

          So, I understand if it can’t be rolled up into overhead metrics, but is your boss counting this against your personal metrics, or are they being counted as your performance

          Sometimes you have to account for an overhead metric but the metrics for the person themself are different. If the overhead metric isn’t your personal performance metric, that might be ok. But if she’s counting these as your performance issues, that’s where I would push back.

          Reply ↓
    5. HR Exec Popping In*

      Nobody performs at their best all the time. But if you only focus on feeling bad you risk continuing in that direction. Try focusing on what you are trying to accomplish and what you can learn from the past year so that you can be more successful going forward. It isn’t about brushing off the past. But try focusing less on feeling like a failure (easy to say, hard to do) and focus more on what you learned so that you can apply that and do things differently. Good luck!

      Reply ↓
  25. Cellbell*

    Is there any realistic way of improving my dental insurance coverage at work? I have a lot of anxiety around dentists so I’ve spent years of searching for the right one and finally found a really amazing one early last year. This year, they’re no longer in network with my dental insurance and it’s incredibly frustrating. Do I start with complaining to the dental insurance? To my benefits folks? I’m not sure what the right avenue is or if it’s even worthwhile.

    Reply ↓
    1. ThatGirl*

      That would be a complaint to your dentist. Each provider decides what insurance they’ll contract with. Now, if the insurance itself has a really small, terrible network, THEN you could talk to your benefits folks and let them know it’s bad and they should consider switching. But if the dentist office has just decided they don’t like the terms anymore and withdrawn, that’s on them.

      Reply ↓
    2. WellRed*

      Do you need a lot of dental work or is it just routine cleanings in which case, is it worth it to pay out of pocket? But yes, first complaint to dentist. Second to benefit people.

      Reply ↓
    3. nonprofit director*

      Does your dental insurance have out-of-network benefits? Many dental insurance plans do. You might look into that. If so, insurance is not likely to cover the full cost of your dentist, but could cover quite a bit. I was with an out-of-network dentist for many years and it worked out fine for me. They billed my insurance and then billed me for what insurance did not cover.

      Reply ↓
    4. Sunflower*

      Transparently dental insurance is really not good all around and I’ve found most dentists are not in network with anyone except Delta. As someone else said, it’s your provider who went out of network so you could find out why they went out of network and see if it can support your argument to benefits officers but just know dental insurance is just bad like that and your benefits team might genuinely not have a solution.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rosyglasses*

        Yeah – dental insurance is terrible at reimbursing dentists for the work they do and it becomes harder and harder for dental practices to stay in business and be able to have good and well trained staff, equipment, etc with what things are happening in insurance. Even with dental benefits, you aren’t guaranteed to get great coverage. Need a cleaning? Great, usually covered at 100% – even out of network, you may only have 10-20.00 copay. But need a root canal or crown? They will only usually pay 50-80% of the agreed upon fee, and then only until you hit your maximum benefits for the year which typically isn’t enough to have more than one or two services done.

        I would say that if your provider will work with you on a payment plan – that might be a better option (if you need alot of work) if your insurance doesn’t provide any out of network benefits.

        Reply ↓
    5. Lemons*

      Dental insurance is pretty cheap, I think mine is $15/mo and it was not the cheapest plan available. You can filter to make sure your dentist is covered when shopping for plans. If you can afford it, I’d just spend the <$200/yr and not try to get your job or dentist to change, that feels like an uphill battle. Maybe you can get off your employer's dental and use that money for an individual plan.

      Reply ↓
    6. Cellbell*

      Thanks, all. The dentist did tell me that they left the network due to poor reimbursement rates, which is why I thought it’s an issue with the insurance company. It’s a fairly small-time dental office and I suspect that the insurance isn’t covering enough to make up for the overhead, especially since they offer things like warm blankets during procedures. I have a cleaning/exam this month, so I’ll see how much of that is covered as out-of-network, and how much other work I need done, and evaluate from there, I guess. It’s just frustrating that my dental network is full of all the huge corporate chains while the smaller offices are being pushed out.

      Reply ↓
      1. The Gollux, Not a Mere Device*

        If your current dentist still takes any insurance, ask if you can pay them the insured price for your dental work. That rate is usually lower than the list price for someone without insurance.

        For example, maybe an uninsured patient pays $300, and someone with Delta Dental is charged $150, of which the insurance pays half. You’re not going to get that office visit for $75, but you might get it for $150 out of pocket, as an existing patient. They might say no, but it’s not an unreasonable thing to be asking for–they get the same amount as if you and the insurance each paid half, without as much paperwork.

        I used my annual maximum for dental work last year, and my dentist’s office charged me the insured price for the rest of the year.

        Reply ↓
      2. ThatGirl*

        If there ARE insurance cos they still contract with you could certainly ask your benefits people if there’s any chance of switching, or you could consider adding your own policy if it’s at all cost-effective. But it sounds like you have the answer as to why they left.

        Reply ↓
    7. Goddess47*

      I’ve had dental insurance on and off for years and most of it sucks. Sorry.

      The dentist is more important than the insurance, in my mind. If your dentist is out-of-network, yes, express that dismay (gently!) at the office. Ask them how to negotiate using whatever insurance you do have while still going to that office?

      The folk in the front office/billing don’t make the decisions but they can be helpful in aiding you in managing the billing. You may have pay and then turn in the receipts to the insurance, or some nuisance process.

      You may get less coverage (as if that’s possible!); talk *that* over with your dentist. They can be helpful in making decisions about procedures that need to be done.

      Good luck!

      Reply ↓
  26. Momma Bear*

    Do you have the option to incorporate him into your workout, maybe change it up and do a parent/baby class? Some yoga studios do that, or in decent weather there are stroller walk groups. I used to do zumba at a place I could bring my kid.

    Reply ↓
  27. Amber Rose*

    Tiny update from a few weeks ago: Actually there is lots of training that should be provided to delivery drivers beyond just having their driver’s license, yes the company absolutely failed that woman who got into a serious car wreck because the sun was in her eyes, and yes she did still need to be let go, but at least I was able to argue it into a without cause termination. Myself and the people who answered me, we were all partially right.

    In new news:

    I set a boundary with HR and reinforced it with my boss, and while my boss is sort of on my side, HR and the CEO now clearly want me gone. The CEO sneers at me and rolls his eyes when he passes by my office (the whole wall is a window, I see everything) and HR emails multiple times a day saying some thing or other I’m responsible for isn’t done, and they “don’t know who should be following up” to me, my boss, and the CEO.

    It’s wearing me down. This is far worse than even my previous job. How do I survive this until I can get out? It’s way too ridiculous to leave a job after two months.

    Reply ↓
    1. Toads*

      This sounds so stressful! It might be a good idea to start looking, anyway, though because if the CEO doesn’t want you around, they might let you go before you’re ready.

      Reply ↓
      1. Amber Rose*

        I don’t care. If they fire me I go back on EI and maybe feel better about myself. I also have a good chunk of savings. If I were very very frugal I could take like a year off.

        I just want to stick this out until I’m done school in April at least. It’ll be easier to find a new role once I’m done classes and have my certificate.

        Reply ↓
        1. Cordelia*

          You have your exit route in sight, hold on to that! To me that would feel different than if I was stuck in a terrible job with no possible way out. If I was you I would count down the days till I’m done with school, and leave then. Comfort yourself with looking at the kinds of roles you would be able to apply for once you have your qualification. Maybe something will improve in your current job – weirder things have happened – and you’ll want to stay, but if it doesn’t, April isn’t so far off if you know better things are coming

          Reply ↓
          1. Amber Rose*

            That’s fair. Though I do have to graduate. I probably will, I’m just stressed.

            I was sort of hoping to befriend the accountant here and get a reference towards the top certification in my field but I guess that’s a loss.

            Reply ↓
            1. Hlao-roo*

              Because you have savings and are due to graduate in April, I think it makes sense to keep a pulse on how much this job is (negatively) impacting your studies. If you ever reach a point where you have to choose between (1) keeping the job and not graduating in April or (2) quitting this job and graduating in April, I think option 2 is probably the better one!

              I’m sorry the CEO and HR are being jerks to you :(

              Reply ↓
  28. Nicki Name*

    Where do nonprofits post their tech job openings?

    After the events of the last few days, I feel like I’d really like to be working somewhere that’s making a positive difference, even if it means a pay cut.

    Reply ↓
    3. Elsewise*

      A lot of nonprofits post on Idealist for all of their job openings. You can also look at local job boards (search “[geographic area] nonprofit association” to see if there’s something in your area) if you want to stay local. Nonprofit tech, from what I’ve seen, seems to be a pretty in-demand field, mostly because nonprofits don’t pay a whole lot and techies can make a lot more elsewhere.

      Reply ↓
    4. cele*

      We post on our own website, so if there are specific orgs you’re interested, I would check their website for a “Jobs” section.

      Reply ↓
      1. Educator*

        Seconding this. You are going to be looking mostly at bigger nonprofits, since few smaller ones have dedicated tech people, and there are probably some easily identifiable big players in your area that work on your causes. I’ve found most of my nonprofit jobs, including my current one, by choosing the company first, then waiting for the right role to pop up.

        Reply ↓
    5. TCO*

      Our state has a council of nonprofits that hosts a great online job board. In our area, almost all nonprofit job postings go there, including tech roles. Where else we advertise depends on the type of role.

      Reply ↓
    6. Ms. Frizzle Found her Sizzle*

      If you would be willing to work at an independent school, look at the National Association for Independent Schools or NAIS job board. You can filter for geography, keywords, etc.

      Reply ↓
    7. Goldie*

      Keep in mind that only medium or large sized nonprofit have tech positions. Many just contract with someone or figure it out on their own.

      Reply ↓
    8. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I assume you’re in the US so I don’t have any specific suggestions, but in Canada we have a job board called Work In Culture where non-profit cultural organizations post their jobs, including tech jobs (not that there are a lot of these!). I know there’s a similar board in the UK, so I have to assume there’s one in the US.

      Reply ↓
    10. I don't work in this van*

      I’ve gotten tech jobs at non-profits on Idealist, but as others have said, it can be hard to find those roles in-house, so you might also look at agencies/consultancies/companies that do tech for non-profits (Blackbaud comes to mind if they’re still around).

      Reply ↓
  29. Long time Anon*

    In my career a job change typically requires a move. I recently applied for a job that would allow me more professional opportunities and be able to keep my family where they are. I’m unsure if some of the things that have come up in the first interview are the huge red flags they seem to be. This was all from the first conversation.
    1. with my current job I have a 25 minute commute 4 days a week and a 90 minute commute once a week (different site). This job would give me a 45 minute commute 5 days a week. The interviewer asked 2+ times how soon I would be able to move closer to the office.
    2. I am an active volunteer for my professional organization (hiring manager was in the past less so now) when I asked about support for professional volunteer activities (a reason I stated for wanting to change positions) I was told that my volunteer activities don’t take that much time and can mostly be done on the weekend (entirely untrue as my position involves a two day retreat annually for planning our professional meeting)
    3. The position was advertised as wanting a certified person but they would consider those in the process (requires 2 years minimum to obtain) leading me to believe that the position was for a junior person (I’m more mid career at 14 years experience) and working closely with another professional at the facility. I learned that the person already there has 10 months experience. It worries me that they would be willing to pair two relatively inexperienced people like that.
    4. There were a few other little things, like the fact that the interviewer called one of my questions odd (the state has a very unique licensing structure and I asked how they handled it given the reporting structure he had just explained to me because it didn’t seem obvious to me), and the fact that he said things in a very specific way so that I knew the statement wasn’t untrue but it also sounded better than it really was

    Reply ↓
    1. MsM*

      Yeah, I’d be wary. I particularly don’t like that they’re trying to tell you how to deal with stuff like the commute and your volunteering: it’d be one thing if they just laid out that they had concerns or couldn’t accommodate something, but they shouldn’t be dictating a solution for you.

      Reply ↓
    3. Jackie Daytona, Regular Human Bartender*

      Those are red flags. If you decide to proceed with further interviews, I’d address these issues head-on.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hlao-roo*

        I’d address these issues head-on.

        I agree. For the first point, I would ask “I have no issue with a 45 min commute and don’t plan on moving. Do you have any concerns with that?”

        For the second point, I would ask “for [volunteer position] I attend the 2-day planning retreat every year. Is that something I would be able to [attend on company time/always book PTO for/etc.]?” On the face of it, I don’t see a huge contradiction between their assertion that your volunteer role can be done “mostly on the weekends” and you attending a 2-day retreat once per year, as long as that is the main non-weekend thing the role requires. If there’s more support you’re looking for beyond the 2-day retreat, I would ask about that too.

        Reply ↓
        1. Mulligatawney*

          If the job gives you PTO, what you do on your time off is totally not your company’s business. Don’t even go down that route.

          Reply ↓
  30. paralegal*

    I’m thinking of moving into a paralegal career. I’d have to back to school for it, but not sure if it’s something i should really consider.

    I currently work in libraries (full time circulation, not a librarian proper) and i think I’m done with it. What should i know about paralegal work? Any sites or resources to recommend? Many thanks!

    Reply ↓
    1. BigMove*

      I work with paralegals a lot, and, depending on the firm, it can be a very demanding job with the expectation to work late regularly. It might be worthwhile to look into working for a legal services provider, a company that does legal work on behalf of law firms. They may be willing to train on the legal work part for the right applicant.

      Reply ↓
    2. Bast*

      As an attorney who was formerly a paralegal in the not too distant past, I had no schooling relevant to being a paralegal when I was first hired as one. Most smaller places were willing to train the right individual, although there were some firms that were hold outs and required either a degree in the field or experience. I honestly do not feel getting a degree is worth the pay in most cases, at least, where I live — this can be a regional thing. This also depends on whether you are thinking of working in a large, corporate type environment or a smaller, private office, and whether you are talking about getting an Associates from a local community college or a full Bachelors. The corporate firm will likely pay better and offer better benefits and *potentially* make the money to pay off the degree, but competition is stiff to get into those places, and it’s a different lifestyle. A smaller firm may be more willing to train a “personality fit” that they like but the pay likely will be lower. Research what a degree would cost you and what an entry level paralegal gets paid (roughly) in your area. If your local community college offers a course, that may be more worth it than trying to go back and obtain a Bachelors (which I would not advise). Where I live, 2 years at a community college would cost roughly 20k with no state aid, and a state school for a Bachelors would be 20-ish k per year. Entry level paralegals here are getting around 40-55k a year.

      Reply ↓
    3. StrayMom*

      About 35 years ago, I pivoted from an Administrative Assistant to a Paralegal career, and I found it to be one of the most rewarding, personally beneficial decisions I’ve ever made. I obtained an Associate’s Degree, thought about getting a Bachelor’s Degree so that I could possibly go to law school, but I realized after working in a larger firm that being an attorney wouldn’t have been as rewarding to me.
      I recommend researching paralegal associations where you live or want to work – speaking strictly of my own experiences (your results may vary) they can give you an unvarnished view of the job market in your area, as well as providing resources for training and networking. Most paralegal postings in my locale require a bachelor’s degree or equivalent experience; if you are find the same, it would likely mean you’d be ruled out for larger firms that generally have better pay and benefits at the start, unless you’d be willing to work as a legal assistant or secretary and work your way up, which can and does happen. The type of law depends as well – speaking again from my own experience, litigation and corporate paralegals earn the most, but real estate and estate paralegals are often more in demand. And then there is the question of whether to become a Certified Paralegal – not required (at least locally) but it may be A Thing depending on where you are located.
      Good luck!

      Reply ↓
  31. Dwight Beets*

    I’ve posted here before, about various workplace issues, and I’ve come to the conclusion this job won’t change and I’m completely burnt out. Destroyed. Been here 20 years if you can believe it. I’d like to just quit but I haven’t had any success in finding new employment and it’s going in my field at the best of times.

    I’m fortunate, if you can call it that, to have a lot of sick leave banked. How unethical is it to call in sick for the next few months rather than just outright quitting today?

    Reply ↓
    1. Zombeyonce*

      Recovering from burnout by taking sick leave is completely reasonable, though you might keep the exact reason to yourself at work since not all employers agree, especially those that cause their employees to burn out in the first place. “Handling some medical issues” is enough information, and not untrue.

      Reply ↓
    2. Lemons*

      It is not unethical to use a benefit you earned, your sick time is part of your compensation. Use it!

      But also consider reframing how you approach your job mentally, to see if you can ease up the pressure a bit there. A lot of people burn themselves out by over-volunteering, feeling like they have to pick up slack, and not advocating for themselves when their plate is full. I suspect this could be you, since you’ve been there for so long and presumably feel responsibility/ownership in helping the business succeed. Get comfortable letting balls drop and making whatever is overburdening you management’s problem.

      Reply ↓
      1. Dwight Beets*

        It used to be me. But a year ago I decided I couldn’t care more about the organization than my boss did. Now I care less than anyone.

        Perhaps rust-out is a better description of my health.

        Reply ↓
    3. Percy Weasley*

      If you want to use more than a few days, you might need your MD to prescribe stress leave. Or go thru your EAP if you have one. Best wishes to you.

      Reply ↓
    4. K Smith*

      You’ve been there 20 years??!!!! You are 100% definitively absolutely authorized to take months of sick time and then quit. You are unwell as a result of your burn out. Take some time for yourself.

      Reply ↓
  32. Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells*

    I’ve heard something from British colleagues that’s very worrying.

    The UK government has cut winter fuel allowances to help pensioners stay alive during winter. Central heating is essential in the freezing British winter, but also expensive. Some wealthy pensioners don’t need allowances but there are many other elderly people who very much need help. Even the new means-testing system doesn’t cover everyone, so local governments are stepping in to help those stuck in the middle.
    I’ve heard about a trend to measure all government wastage in winter fuel payments (£300, $374.60 at time of writing) e.g. this pointless spending equals 20 winter fuel payments.

    The ambiguities means that there are supporters and opponents everywhere. An employee has supported the UK government’s policy saying “Oh, it’s means-tested”, ignoring or not knowing that the in-between people are still in trouble. Some colleagues have said that this person has forfeited their own right to central heating by supporting the government’s policy. It’s not just a matter of politics, they say, but a matter of morality in that the UK government is acting immorally on winter fuel, so supporting it is itself immoral.

    One of the extreme views is that the whole workplace should have the heating switched off just to make this one person suffer.
    Other people don’t wish any harm on this person, but have mocked them for complaining about the cold. “So you’re fine with pensioners freezing all day, but you whine about the radiators in here automatically switching off just before work finishes?”

    I don’t know whether this is all banter or if it could go further. As far as I know, nothing has actually happened yet. I’m not directly involved, but what do you think?

    Reply ↓
    1. EMP*

      Feel free to point out when relevant that means testing is insufficient and everyone deserves to be warm over the winter but I would not get directly involved with this coworker or punishing them (!??) by turning off the heat to the entire company??? That’s bizarre and dysfunctional and just inappropriate for work.

      Reply ↓
      1. Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells*

        Good advice. From what I’ve heard, tensions are running high over many things in the UK. Thank you for your input, I’ll see how it goes.

        Reply ↓
    2. Lellow*

      This is all incredibly stupid. (I’m also in the UK.)

      Also, didn’t the base pension go up for everyone by like £800?

      Reply ↓
      1. London Calling*

        That was a one-off because previously the triple lock had been suspended; a big post-pandemic rise in average earnings would have meant pensions increasing by 8% – and obviously pensioners on £ 11k a year couldn’t get a big uplift when everyone else wasn’t getting raises. My understanding is that the £ 900 was pretty much making up for that, it’s not a raise that pensioners get every year. More like around £ 400.

        https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-58476547

        *Some colleagues have said that this person has forfeited their own right to central heating by supporting the government’s policy*

        I’d be awkward and ask how the first part of that argument leads on from the second, because it sounds like a made up on the spot justification with no logic behind it to me.

        Reply ↓
        1. Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells*

          I won’t be replying again as I’m about to be very busy. The logic, as I understand it, is that this employee supports a government policy that would stop pensioners using central heating, so they themselves should stop using central heating. It sounds like the UK has been angry for the last 6 months, so maybe they’re not thinking logically.

          I’m going to consider EMP’s advice. I don’t think that anybody genuinely wishes any harm on this employee, but this has been troubling to say the least.

          Reply ↓
          1. London Calling*

            Well, it has a certain retributive charm about it, but it doesn’t make much sense as an argument apart from that. But then so much of what’s happening in the UK these days doesn’t make much sense.

            Reply ↓
    3. Caramel & Cheddar*

      You work with children. If you’re not directly involved, I would stay out of it, personally. I wouldn’t purposely invite the drama of people acting this childishly into my life.

      Reply ↓
  33. Tradd*

    I’m a customs broker that works for a small freight forwarder. There are two of us in customs dept. I’m finally getting everyone on board with making a good effort to be paperless in a year or so. There are things about the process that are outside my direct control, so I’m focusing on the things I can. I had a remote job doing the same things during covid that was paperless, but it was a very small brokerage only operation with two people so a lot of the experience doesn’t apply (and a really bad software). The thing that’s hanging me up about the whole process is that sometimes we have commercial invoices (which show value US importer is paying to overseas seller) that are up to 100 different lines. Our usual way is to take a ruler to them line by line as we’re doing the data entry. We can’t just download the data to our system. We have oodles of small customers whose shippers would have to talked to into doing their invoices a certain format and in excel. Not going to happen. Plus all the paper documents from India.

    I don’t have any brokers to talk to about this process. Most went paperless ages ago. The previous brokers at my company didn’t care about this. Yes, we have to get permission from Customs to go paperless (it’s the storage of back files that’s the issue), but that’s after we get all the kinks worked out. I’d appreciate any input on the process of going paperless! I print the bare minimum of documents, yet we’re drowning in paper. I’m paperless in my personal life so this dives me bats! ;)

    Reply ↓
    1. Parenthesis Guy*

      The commercial invoices follow the same format? Should be relatively simple to find a programmer to build a program to parse the data so that it can go into Excel or something. If you don’t have a programmer, you can try ChatGPT and just compare the results with what you do manually.

      Reply ↓
      1. Tradd*

        They usually have the same basic info, but the formats are wildly different. We get lots of paper documents from India (still very paper based), sometimes we get jpeg attachments. Some use Word formats, others Excel forms. Some larger companies use something out of SAP.

        Reply ↓
        2. Six for the truth over solace in liesgr*

          This is something that generally requires a dedicated enterprise content management system, which will have tools for this kind of information extraction, standardization, and organization. Many of them use AI tools to determine where the relevant info is on the page (this is not what most people think of as generative AI, it creates nothing, it simply is able to interpret a form much like a person without the manual data entry). Many have built-in integrations with software like Office, SAP, and so on, or can be coded to interact with those. Do you happen to have one already?

          Source: I work in enterprise content management, and “going paperless” is a huge part of the industry.

          Reply ↓
    2. Tio*

      Do you have a line fee? As in, you charge for entering over a certain amount of lines per shipment? As in, first 5 lines free, each additional line $2.

      We implemented that but would waive it if they provided an excel invoice we could upload. Suppliers who “can’t possibly” provide a different invoice suddenly coughed one up when it was going to start costing money!

      They also don’t necessarily have to do the whole invoice in excel – they can provide an excel appendix to the invoice as long as everything adds up right. We’ve allowed that for clients to waive the requirement as well.

      Reply ↓
      1. Tradd*

        Yes, we have a line fee. First 3 lines free, then $X/line. Another reason I’m hesitant to try to do something like this (excel upload) is we have a TON of FDA food entries. Many of the products are the same, just different package size. I can duplicate lines for the same product and just tweak a couple of fields in the FDA data. That saves a ton of work. I asked and I was told FDA data wouldn’t be able to be uploaded.

        I have to admit, the importers I deal with who are intelligent and know their stuff are few. I’m dealing with some sort of incompetence on with many importers. Getting people to accurately comply with something like this would be a mess.

        Reply ↓
    3. Strive to Excel*

      You might want to look into a product called Datasnipper. Fair warning that it is a) pricey and b) currently tailored to public audit companies, so it might not be to your exact needs. I’ve seen something promising with Microsoft Azure AI inputs too (OCR, not generative). What both of these products do is take a scanned image or pdf and export them as structured data. Datasnipper exports directly to Excel, Azure can export to either Excel or .csv.

      Is providing a pre-formatted invoice template for your small customers an option?

      Reply ↓
      1. Tradd*

        No. The commercial invoice is provided by the overseas shippers. Just trying to get documents in a timely manner from these overseas shippers can be a massive task. I will look into Datasnipper. Thank you!

        Reply ↓
  34. New manager - what to do*

    I’m a new manager and managing an employee who has been struggling. I started my role right around when she onboarded, so while I was learning, another person supervised her as I was training as that was their role before I came on. Things fell through the cracks though, because now, 2 months later she is feeling like she did not get enough training to do the job. She feels unsupported. A month ago, I met with her and asked what she needed, noted it, followed up, and asked her to reach out to me if she needed anything. I had one on ones. I had monthly team meetings. She never brought anything up.

    Now, she says that she doesn’t want to bother and she is just trying to do her job, but she’s still very confused.

    I followed up today and said hey, let’s retrain. Let’s put together a plan, and please communicate with me when you need support. I followed this up in an email this time. She seems hesitant (and frankly over it) but I can’t force her to do anything. I just can provide expectations and support, right?

    But when I give her feedback on something (like she reported to work on time because she didn’t see an email update) – she will say I’m attacking her integrity. I don’t know what to say to that. I responded “I’m not questioning your integrity, I’m just noting that the email was sent and we all can miss it. Either way it happened, this is something you need to do – update your time sheet.” When I ask her questions about things she’s confused on, she says I’m attacking her intelligence.

    I think she’s been overwhelmed and likely getting feedback that she is doing some things incorrectly. I have seen some of that feedback, and it reads as “hey this was incorrect, can you fix it? Let me know if you need help.” But this is taken as an attack. I’m frustrated and want to say “what’s a better way of saying this then??”

    But I think the root is she is confused about how to do her job, which deserves proper training. IF after this re-training, this is still coming up, then I’m not sure how to handle it.

    I’ve never been a manager and I don’t want to be a bad one. I want to give people flexibility and benefit of the doubt. Everyone deserves support! Especially if she had poor training when she started. But I don’t want to be walked all over. Anyone have advice?

    Reply ↓
    2. Amber Rose*

      “I need you to stop derailing the issue by saying I’m attacking you when I point out work errors. It’s not an attack to say that these are tasks I need you to do and they aren’t being done correctly. What can I do to help you get this work done? What additional training would help you?”

      And honestly, if she’s struggling that badly it may just be a bad fit, so you might want to make it clear that you need to see improvement or you’ll have to find someone more suited to the role. Part of being a manager is recognizing when you’ve hit the limits of support and you just have an employee who isn’t going to thrive.

      Reply ↓
    3. MsM*

      I think you’ve given enough benefit of the doubt here. It’s time to lay things out politely but firmly: “You’ve asked for additional support and training. I’m doing my best to provide that, because I genuinely want to see you succeed and thrive. But I need you to stop reacting to every correction or request for clarification as a personal attack, or we’re not going to get anywhere.”

      If that doesn’t fix the behavior, then unfortunately, I think you need to go to HR and start talking PIP plan or managing this person out, because this seems more like an attitude than a training problem.

      Reply ↓
        1. MsM*

          Thanks, but “being able to accept and act on feedback professionally is critical to doing and succeeding in this job” is a good point I’m not sure my framing covers; OP should definitely think about incorporating that, too!

          Reply ↓
          1. Productivity Pigeon*

            Thank you too!

            Of course, none of this works if you’re not giving feedback ”in good faith” and actually being clear-eyed, fair and constructive.

            But from what OP says, that’s not the issue here.

            Reply ↓
    4. Productivity Pigeon*

      It doesn’t sound like you’re a bad manager at all! Far from it!

      It sounds like you’ve put in quite a lot of thought and effort to help me.

      But… you can only change someone’s behavior if they’re willing to change.
      If she refuses to engage with you, you could be the best manager in the world and still not be successful.

      Could you sit down with her and discuss her inability to handle feedback?
      Tell her that being able to receive feedback without feeling personally attacked is crucial and that you need her to work with you on identifying why she is acting like everything is a personal attack?

      Reply ↓
      1. Productivity Pigeon*

        You could even ask her right out:

        ”You missed That Important Email. How would you have preferred I brought it up to you? What should I have said and done?”

        She might not be able to give you a constructive answer but this will tell you if she is willing and able to intellectually engage with her own feelings and behavior.

        If she just says ”nothing!” or ”be nicer” or something like that, there might not be a lot you can do to help her.

        Reply ↓
    5. Toxic Workplace Survivor*

      One other thing you might try is having a bit of a “reset” conversation with her where you explain where you’re coming from but also make clear that you are now in charge, rather than whomever she was training with previously.

      It seems like you’re in the space now where you have a better handle on what you need to have happen and what your role is in that compared with when this employee started (which is amazing, it took me at least six months into my first management role!). And if she thought everything was fine with the first trainer and it isn’t, actually, then she needs to understand she has some shifts to make because she’s not where she needs to be.

      So sit down for a broader conversation. You can get into her issues with feedback but I’d start it off fresh. “Employee, you came aboard during a time of transition. That time is over now and I’d like to talk to you about where things stand now that I’m directly supervising you. The responsibilities of this job look like XYZ. You aren’t currently meeting them all. If anything fell through the cracks and you need more training, we’ll make that happen. By X time though you’re going to need to be operating at Y level. (add feedback part here if you want to do that at the same time)”

      Side note: Like me, it seems you’re relatively hands off when it comes to details beyond general training. That works as long as the right people are doing the training and the new staff member picks it up quickly. But if the employee is struggling the way you describe, she might not be able to tell you what kind of additional training she needs and you’re going to have to get in there at a much more hands-on level. Figure out how other staff were onboarded. Find out what she isn’t getting and make sure you have a good plan for her to learn. She may need to go to a PIP or get cut loose if she can’t improve in good time, but make sure she is getting what she needs and that her inability to articulate what she needs isn’t the reason for the problem. It’s a pain how much time and energy low performers take up, but if you want to feel like you’ve done everything you could before cutting them loose, that’s your next step. Micromanaging, basically.

      Reply ↓
  35. Julia*

    Is it normal not to be consulted about a restructuring process?

    My situation: team leadership told us they are identifying what this team currently lacks, then using our perceived strengths to create new job descriptions that address these gaps, which they will share when they’re finalized.

    I don’t expect to be fully in charge of designing my own job, but I’m (silently) outraged that I haven’t even been asked about my interests or thoughts. This happened to a former colleague: he came back from paternity leave and was assigned a completely new job, with very different responsibilities, with no prior warning or discussion (and understandably chose to resign soon after that). Is this normal?

    Reply ↓
    1. Julia*

      I should mention this restructuring isn’t because of finances (we have plenty of money); it’s because there’s so much turnover and team leadership has long refused to refill those positions – but I think they’ve finally realized how overworked all of us are.

      Reply ↓
    2. Lemons*

      Yes, it’s normal not to be consulted about a restructure. Your job isn’t about you and what you find interesting or personally fulfilling, it’s about what the business needs out of the role, and if they’re assigning totally new jobs to people like your colleague (not really a smart move in my opinion, but still their prerogative) it doesn’t sound like they’re really interested in the people part of the business, just the business needs part.

      You could see if your boss is open to a 1:1 where you align on your strengths and role to perhaps expand into things you’re stronger at/more interested in, but you need to approach it from a business standpoint, not a personal one.

      Reply ↓
    3. Jaunty Banana Hat I*

      It depends…but yeah, it can be normal. Not a good normal, mind you. Smart leadership would want imput from the people whose jobs they’re restructuring, but…it definitely happens all the time that leadership just makes those kinds of decisions.

      Reply ↓
    4. Qwerty*

      Very normal. They are organizing the department to meet the needs of the business. Going around and talking to everyone generally causes a mess and everyone is even more dissatified at the end.

      If you know that no one currently does X but you have the skills or could quickly learn it, then let your manager know. It is more useful to tell management about business items like skills rather than feelings items like interests, which is more likely to get you a desired outcome

      Reply ↓
    5. No name today*

      I have worked in non pro it and city government and I have never been consulted on a redesign/reorg. Even though my job has changed significantly because of them.

      Reply ↓
    6. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      I have been through a billion restructures / re-orgs (life in tech) and have never ever been consulted about the process.

      Reply ↓
    7. Tio*

      If you’re not in a management role (and even sometimes if you are) it’s pretty normal to not consult you directly.

      Your manager should have a good idea of what tasks need to be done and how to arrange them and what kind of coverage they need, plus what the restructure is adding/taking away. They might not have full power over it either, depending on how high the restructure is coming from. So what knowledge about the position and duties would you have that they don’t have, given they probably know the larger picture? It sounds like you’re annoyed that our job is changing – and that’s valid! – but it’s pretty common not to directly consult each person about what they want their role to be, because it’s not based on what you want, but what the company thinks it needs.

      It’s valid if you get a notification of your new duties and you go to your manager and tell them “I kinda wanted to stay doing X and Y and those seem to now be off my plate; what can I do to work to getting back to those types of things?” Maybe there’s nothing open right now, maybe they’ll have an idea on your new path to where you want to go.

      Reply ↓
    8. Poker Face*

      It’s very very normal. The restructuring isn’t about your “interests or thoughts” and those are not relevant to the process. They are looking at things at a much higher level than that. Being outraged by this is unreasonable and unrealistic.

      Reply ↓
    9. Generic Name*

      I get that it feels very frustrating to not be consulted on something that likely will have a huge impact on your job, but it’s pretty normal to not consult line staff about this stuff. And honestly, I’d argue that well-run companies would NOT consult everyone for most business decisions. My last company formed a giant committee comprised of everyone from front-line staff to the CEO (it was a small company) to decide on a company restructure, and I’m sure the company spent tens of thousands of dollars of employee time on the effort. The end result was……almost nonsensical? Zero major changes were made, and only a handful of small changes were made to the reporting structure, which really were not communicated to anyone outside the committee. Truly bizarre. The company would have been better served by hiring an outside consultant to advise the executive team rather than fill a room with people with no business qualifications to make business decisions. That place had a real “the inmates are running the asylum” feel to it, and they are not doing well. My point in all this is while it can suck to have your job changed with no input from you, it’s a pretty normal way to run a business.

      Reply ↓
  36. Rusty Shackelford*

    Low stakes, petty Word complaint… I hate it when a word is misspelled and you right-click to get the suggested corrections, but the correct word isn’t in that list. For example, if someone types periscoap, obviously meaning periscope, but when you right click on the red underline, your only options are periwinkle and persephone and perimenopause and so you have to make the correction yourself. And then that exact same misspelling pops up again, and again, and again, and sure, you could do a find and replace, but you really just want to make Word recognize that periscope is an appropriate suggestion for periscoap, but there is no way to do that. You can add periscoap to the dictionary if it’s actually something you want recognized as correct, but there’s no way to associate a suggested correction to a specific misspelling (unless I’m missing something). And it turns out that multiple people you work with think periscoap is the correct spelling so this comes up a lot. And again, I know I can easily fix this globally. But it’s still annoying. And it’s also the principle of the thing, because come on. It’s so obvious what this word is supposed to be.

    (Warned you it was petty.)

    Reply ↓
    1. Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells*

      I’ve gone through the same thing. It’s not petty, it’s a real productivity problem that I’ve seen in textbooks. The spelling/grammar check can be misleading and waste valuable time. I haven’t found a way to set Word to correct a misspelling in a specific way, sadly.

      Google’s also annoying, but at least you can correct something permanently and tell them that their suggestion is plain wrong.

      Reply ↓
    2. cmdrspacebabe*

      Word’s suggestions have been going downhill lmao. For a bit last year mine kept telling me to say things like “I is ____” and similarly obvious errors. Or a bunch of completely unfamiliar words that may exist in other languages, but certainly not in English, which was the set proofing language. ???????

      Reply ↓
      1. Admin of Sys*

        This is because they’re slowly replacing dictionaries with a massive list of common misspellings with AI that ‘figures out what you mean’ using autocomplete predictions and word associations. But it’s not actually good at doing that, so you get weird not-words or non-english words, or words that nominally make sense but have nothing to do with what you typed. There’s theoretically a point where the spelling AI will be a better approach than the dictionary results, but it’s not likely to be anytime soon.

        Reply ↓
    3. juliebulie*

      It might be petty but I hear you – I just encountered this today. (I don’t even remember what the word was, just that the suggested replacements were wrong.) For how long MSWord has been around, you’d think it’d be smarter.

      Just another one of those dinky things that makes me look forward to retiring. Ten more years.

      Reply ↓
    4. Not your trauma bucket*

      File>Options>Proofing>Autocorrect Options. It won’t necessarily fix the suggestions, but you CAN at least make Word automatically correct “periscoap” to “periscope”. I use it for things like changing “manger” to “manager”.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rusty Shackelford*

        So close! Unfortunately, this works for documents I’m typing but not when I open a file from someone else (and I’m actually copy/pasting from a non-Word document, so I can’t convince other users to make this change on their end). And I’m the one who already knows how to spell periscope. But thank you.

        Reply ↓
    5. A Significant Tree*

      Ugh, I hate that in all forms of autocorrect, not just Word. Somehow my phone used to always autocorrect “well” to “we’ll” when it made no grammatical sense, but now will not even suggest “we’ll” when I type “well” – whoever’s changing the rules is not improving them!

      The Excel equivalent is when it considers various numeric entries to be dates and and there’s nothing you can do about it to prevent it happening. It’s disproportionately infuriating!

      Reply ↓
    6. Tio*

      I hate this too. For some reason if I spell they thye because I was typing too fast, the suggestions it gives me are “Thye, thyme, and the”. How is they not in there?

      Reply ↓
  37. Chaotic*

    How can I find out about and/or ask about schedule flexibility when interviewing? Do I wait until an offer or can I ask earlier? I’m interviewing for a hybrid job, which I don’t know what that means exactly, and I have family responsibilities that require going to a couple of appointments a month and not having to use sick time all the time would be nice. Right now I have a job where I can flex my hours as I need to, but unfortunately it’s a temp job and ending soon.

    Reply ↓
    1. Zombeyonce*

      If it’s advertised as a hybrid job, it’s fine to ask in the first interview. You can ask how they define hybrid in that office and what in-office expectations are. That may answer your questions about flexing hours or lead to a conversation about it. If not, I recommend saving that until further in the process since you both want to be sure you’re interested before getting into more specific logistics.

      Reply ↓
    2. Hlao-roo*

      I think that in the interviews, you can ask a question along the lines of “what does hybrid look like for this role?” That will give you a general idea if it’s a loose “WFH roughly X days per month, individual day are up to you” sort of hybrid or a strict “everyone has to be in the office Tues-Thurs every week” sort of hybrid (or something else). You can also ask what the typical start/end times for the role are, to get some idea of if there’s any flexibility with starting late/working late (or starting early/leaving early or generally flexing time) around appointments.

      I would save the “I have family responsibilities that require going to a couple of appointments a month, would I have to use sick time for those or would I be able to flex my hours around the appointments?” conversation for after you have an offer.

      Good luck with the interivew!

      Reply ↓
    3. Decidedly Me*

      Hybrid and flexible hours are different. A company can be in-person and super flexible about appointments while a fully remote role may still be inflexible about those.

      If flexible hours are what you’re after, I wouldn’t focus on the hybrid question. I’d ask directly about what the process would be for having an appointment. I probably wouldn’t do this in the first interview (though you could), but in a later one. Personally, in my recent job search, I asked about this at the offer stage.

      Reply ↓
    4. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

      Definitely ask, if it’s advertised as hybrid – but be aware that “a couple of appointments a month without using sick leave” would probably fall under flex time rather than hybrid status. Separate considerations.

      Reply ↓
    5. ecnaseener*

      Agreed with other commenters to focus on the hours, not the work location. There are in-person jobs where you can pop out for an appointment and not be expected to “make up” the hours, and there are fully remote jobs where you’re required to be available during your entire shift except for scheduled breaks.

      “What hours do people typically work?” “Do you have set hours?” etc to get a general sense of how flexible the hours are; if they sound pretty inflexible, then you ask “is there any flexibility for things like occasional appointments or does that all need to go under PTO?”

      Reply ↓
    6. Chaotic*

      Thanks for all the replies! The reason I’m worried about the hybrid along with the flexibility is that all appointments would be at least an hour away from the office – I live about a hour commute away (though it’s only about 10 miles, yay rush hour!) and my parents’ providers are all closer to home. So popping out of the office for an appointment isn’t really feasible.

      Reply ↓
  38. buenno*

    I’m feeling really dissatisfied with my job — I feel like I’m trapped in a golden handcuffs situation, but I’m just So Tired of Working For a Living (+ health insurance, because I’m in the U.S.). I’m 39 and I just…don’t want to work anymore! Alas, I’m not independently wealthy though I’m “on track” for an early/normal retirement nest egg. Work dissatisfaction has been my main discussion point in therapy for a couple of years, but I feel like I’m just not willing to accept reality that life isn’t perfect. How do I go on?

    Reply ↓
    1. Zombeyonce*

      While you could look for a new job that likely won’t meet your requirements (golden handcuffs are tough!), there are definitely other options. Taking up a fulfilling hobby outside of work can really make a change, and I’ve found a lot of satisfaction in accepting that my job is there to pay for the rest of my life, so I don’t need (or want) to be a superstar. I am there to get my work done and get a paycheck, nothing more. “Meeting expectations” is a perfectly reasonable way to approach work. I don’t need to stress myself out trying to be a leader or impress everyone, I can just work to live. Reframing how you work can be really freeing.

      Reply ↓
      1. buenno*

        Thanks! That is what I’m thinking…though my current job description is *supposedly* to be an innovator and “leader” of miscellaneous new projects/initiatives. I feel guilty for not wanting to be the gold star overachiever anymore. I’ve been thinking of taking a pay cut from like $100k to like $60-70k or something to be a support staff role somewhere, but IDK if that will just be overall worse.

        Reply ↓
        1. Zombeyonce*

          Rather than taking a pay cut for a support role somewhere, what about taking a pay cut to move to a part time job (that might be more stressful than a support role but hopefully still pays decently)? It would take you longer to get to retirement, but getting back literal days each week to do whatever you like could massively improve your quality of life.

          Reply ↓
        2. Lemons*

          If you have a reputation as a gold star overachiever, I’ve found that people will hang on to that perception even after you cool down to just being a regular performer for a good while. Could you try just not overachieving for a while, to see how you feel? Give work what they pay you to do (don’t slack, just don’t do more than is required), and refocus your overachievement into parts of life you want to spend time on.

          Reply ↓
          1. buenno*

            Thanks for this. I’ve been in my current job a year, previously did 2 years in a different company before that, and previously did 12 years at a company where I kind of earned that rising star status…so I already feel like I’ve kind of been coasting on reputation in my field for a little while. I find it’s really hard for me to assess whether I’m slacking or doing enough in my current environment because it’s super relaxed to the point of being dysfunctional probably

            Reply ↓
    2. EMP*

      How golden are the handcuffs? Is it working in general, or your specific workplace that’s the issue? If you’re in demand enough for whatever retention clause, you may be able to negotiate a sign on bonus to mitigate the loss if you move jobs. If it’s just having to work…that’s kind of just life. Maybe your therapist can help you figure out ways to find fulfillment elsewhere.

      Reply ↓
    3. Cabbagepants*

      You sound like me!

      I went through an budgeted what it would look like for me to go a year without paid work. Obviously my retirement savings would take a hit, but how much of a hit? Really going through to figure out the logistics felt very freeing. It allowed me to break out of the mindset that I HAD to be working continuously.

      I quit my job.

      Knowing that I could live a year without work helped me mentally reframe my salary from “zeros in the bank that get shuffled info various accounts.”

      And then, when an OK-seeming job came along, I was able to really appreciate the salary, rather than just having it be “ho hum, more of the same.”

      Reply ↓
      1. buenno*

        Wow, that’s so brave! I admire that…it’s so scary to me to think about taking a gap year off like that, because “who knows if I’d be able to find a suitable job?”-type fears come up.

        Reply ↓
        1. Cabbagepants*

          I didn’t put it all into the post above to keep things short, but I asked around to a lot of people about whether they had taken time off. I heard a lot of people (all women, like me) who mentioned taking 1-3 years off after the birth of a child, and then going back to full time work after. I’m sure it wasn’t easy finding the next job, but it did seem like something that would happen.

          I also am senior enough, in an industry with generally pretty healthy hiring, that it seemed reasonable that I would be able to get my foot back into the door.

          Reply ↓
    4. Rex Libris*

      Try to make your life outside of work as fulfilling as possible, and appreciate that it’s the paycheck that makes it possible.

      Reply ↓
    5. Generic Name*

      Have you considered that getting a new job might help with your job dissatisfaction? I was pretty unhappy for a while at my last company, but stayed basically because of inertia (had been there forever). Finally something snapped and I rage-applied to jobs. I’ve been at my new job for over a year now, and I’m much happier. I also get paid more, which helps. :) What would happen if you applied to jobs that you are very very interested in? You might be surprised!

      Reply ↓
      1. buenno*

        thanks for the encouragement! The jobs I seem to be interested in/fantasize about are all not very remunerative, like — I wish I could just be a gallery attendant in a museum, or work in a fabric store or something. And even this current job is one I’ve only been in for a year :-(, I was hoping it would be a real winner but I think the problem might be my own perspective no matter where I go.

        Reply ↓
  39. That Coworker*

    Last week a coworker told me she’d been out the previous few days at a rapid detox rehab facility. She told me she’s been addicted to opiates for over 20 years. We are remote so I don’t see her daily, but I was both surprised and not. She was in rehab a year or so ago for 2 weeks for alcohol – at least that was my understanding at the time. The longer alcohol rehab stay I know for sure that her manager knew about. We both report to the same manager. This time she asked me not to tell anyone at work about any of this. It just feels like A LOT for me to carry this knowledge. As of right now I do not feel that I have any kind of duty to mention this to anyone at this time, but I wonder how I will feel the next time she has a meltdown. She has always been a fragile and fraught person to work with, but now I suppose I feel even more like I will need to walk on eggshells with her to support her recovery? I don’t know what I’m looking for here – any advice or even just some commiseration?

    Reply ↓
    1. Productivity Pigeon*

      Ouch, that is a difficult situation to be in.

      Don’t tell anyone at work even if it feels difficult.
      (Though of course if you determine you, that person or someone else at your job to be in active danger because of this, you should tell someone. )

      Do you have a friend or family member you could share it with, just so you’re not totally alone in the knowledge?

      I hope someone else has more practical advice to give you.

      Reply ↓
    2. Zombeyonce*

      Walking on eggshells doesn’t actually support her recovery. Understanding she’ll have some issues as she recovers and being sympathetic to that doesn’t require you to put up with meltdowns; you can disconnect or tell her you’ll talk with her about the work subject another time and walking away are acceptable, and they’ll keep you from becoming too emotionally involved in what’s ultimately not your business.

      Reply ↓
      1. That Coworker*

        I certainly do not want to feel like I am in any part why she ends up relapsing – she is not an easy person to work with for a number or reasons, and most of our team has kind of given up on her. I have been her sounding board and it has always really worn me out, but now I feel like some extra duty to be more kind and patient. It’s hard.

        Reply ↓
        1. Zombeyonce*

          She needs to learn that coworkers are not a good sounding board. She can rely on family, friends, and a therapist for that. Being patient and kind is great, but it’s also important to establish and hold onto boundaries. Situations like this can take a lot out of you emotionally and make work a place you don’t want to be. Put on your own oxygen mask first.

          Reply ↓
    3. The Gollux, Not a Mere Device*

      Can you tell her that you’ll keep this rehab visit confidential, but can’t and won’t promise to keep future secrets?

      She shouldn’t have dumped that information on you, and assumed that you would keep it confidential if she asked. You’re a coworker, not her doctor or a close friend, and you don’t have to be her confidante.

      If/when she has a meltdown, try to treat it the way you would if you didn’t know about the rehab. She asked you to pretend that she hadn’t just been to rehab and you don’t know about the opiate addiction, and you can keep that information quiet without also walking on eggshells to support her recovery.

      Reply ↓
      1. That Coworker*

        Thank you. Our work culture is definitely part of the problem here: we are in a small company that is actively encouraged to consider co-workers as family/friends. (Don’t get me started on how weird it is.) This job is this co-worker’s first job out of the service industry so she has no context of what are normal professional boundaries……. as I type this out I realize how much of a cluster-f this all is! Honestly, it is a good job and for the most part, the fact that it is a small team that truly cares about each person as an individual is mostly a good thing. But this is definitely the downside of that kind of culture.

        But I do think you’re right that I just need to treat her the same as before. Which is to say I try to be kind and patient and when I’m out of that kind of energy, I just need to shut it down.

        Reply ↓
  40. thinkin' about BA*

    Sorry if this is a monumentally stupid question, but is business analysis a career path that would allow me to wear business casual? I’m super interested in this direction but I’m not sure how well I fit in with the corporate fashion world.

    Reply ↓
    1. Our Business Is Rejoicing*

      Former BA and PM here:
      BA is probably the world’s most flexible job title, and they exist in all different kinds of organizations. Clothing would depend on the employer and the industry, and it might also depend on whether you had customer/external contact. tl/dr: there is no standard BA set of clothing rules.

      Reply ↓
    2. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Depends on whether you are working internally or working for a consulting firm & visiting clients. If you’re colocated with a business-formal client, you’re probably going to need to dress business formal too.

      Reply ↓
      1. Djs*

        Forgot to mention this in my other comment. Most business analysis type consultants I’ve worked with tend to dress a level above the regular employees they are consulting.

        Reply ↓
    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      “Business casual” – especially for female or female-presenting folks – is so not a helpful descriptor, heh – it’s so vague! Plus dress code is more going to depend on your overall organization rather than the individual role.

      Reply ↓
    4. Djs*

      “Business analysis” is a very open ended job description, and depends a lot on what “level” you’re at in the company. If it’s making strategic “big picture” decisions, then you’re likely to be in business formal. If it’s more day to day data analysis, it’s probably going to be business casual.

      FWIW my job title is “Business analyst”- I’m on the IS side of things, and it’s always business casual for me.

      Reply ↓
    5. HR Exec Popping In*

      In my experience this can vary greatly depending on the company and on your / their definition of business casual.

      Reply ↓
  41. Productivity Pigeon*

    ADHD:er panicking over job search – progress update

    Hi!
    I posted last week about my panicky feelings about looking for a job.
    Short recap: I was a management consultant, got burnt out and was let go during the pandemic after 6-months sick leave.
    I then took some classes in a new field and I’m looking for a job in that field.

    —-

    I actually have some good news!

    I found a career coach and saw her for the first time this week. It feels great to have someone to help me along. We’ve already gone through my resume which I previously hadn’t opened in six months.

    It caused me an insane amount of anxiety just to send it to her but I did it.

    Which truly is the most progress I’ve made in many, many months.

    So yay?

    And THANK YOU to everyone who offered me advice and commiseration last week. It was invaluable.

    Reply ↓
    1. Productivity Pigeon*

      I also signed up to be an assessor for the admissions committee for my master’s program. They ask every year and since I have time during the day, I’ll be attending three days of assessment centers.
      It’s something to do, at least.

      Reply ↓
    2. Amber Rose*

      Relatable. My resume was like an unconquerable demon the way I was terrified to look at it after I got fired. Congrats on making some progress. :)

      Reply ↓
  42. Call Me Wheels*

    My first networking success story!

    Long story short, talking to a stranger in a cafe led to me attending a social event for the creative industry I freelance in, and that has led to me getting a ticket to an otherwise sold out event to do with my industry for this weekend. I think it’s going to be a really good opportunity for more networking and building my portfolio, wish me luck :)

    Reply ↓
    2. JOY and success*

      Glad to see that random networking sometimes does work out. Good Luck with building your portfolio at the next networking event! JOY to you!

      Reply ↓
    3. Ms. Frizzle Found her Sizzle*

      Hooray for you as a creative professional! I hope this leads to new exciting opportunities!

      Reply ↓
    5. Call Me Wheels*

      Thank you everyone and glad my little bit of news could be cheering :) the event is actually all weekend and I just got back from the first night — super glad I’m there, I think this is a great opportunity! Will update on how it went next week :)

      And if anyone was curious, the way I got talking to the initial person was I saw they were reading a textbook about the industry so asked about it and we got chatting from there. I used to struggle badly with social anxiety so I’m very proud of myself for being able to do this kind of thing now and see how far I have come :) hope everyone has a good weekend!

      Reply ↓
  43. Justin*

    You ever have experiences where the random things you did out of curiosity or general interest end up blooming into more impact than your direct tasks?

    I develop training curricula for work, mostly for external audiences. But a few months after I was hired, I realized I barely understood what the many teams in our company did, so I met with a director and helped (and by helped, mostly did myself) develop a platform on our learner management systems where various teams delivered presentations about their daily tasks, which every new employee now has access to.

    Recently, a close colleague worked with me to develop an intra-team page that houses trainings on our team’s various systems, essentially a repository for accessible standard operating procedures. Many of our teams don’t have great and consistent SOPs, so now other teams have heard about this and are working with me and my employee to develop their own pages, which will also improve communciation, which is sometimes hard given many time zones and many different functions.

    My main work is still a more standard development of external-facing training material (quizzes, activities, etc), yet for our organization, it may yet be this stuff that has the greatest impact. And I just find that interesting, especially since it’s a lot less work than my main tasks.

    Have you ever had side projects blossom into huge wins at work?

    Reply ↓
    1. juliebulie*

      Yes! It’s great to be able to show another side of your capabilities. I pretty much live for special projects… alas, my role does not allow for much of this.

      Reply ↓
    2. cmdrspacebabe*

      My favourite remains the time I got sick of my organizations’ terribly organized list of publications. There are hundreds and I had to refer to a bunch of them for a big project, but trying to find the ones I wanted was awful (spread out across like 15 layers of poorly-categorized subpages). So, I got sick of it and made myself a giant Excel sheet that could sort by title, category, date, author, and up to 3 topics from a big ol’ list of keywords I set up.

      Within days of completion, my manager came to me, wincing apologetically. “I am so sorry to do this to you,” he said, “but I need someone to take an inventory of all of our publications so we can make a proper catalogue.”
      Me: “Oh, awesome – I actually made myself a catalogue already!”
      Him: “No, I mean like an Excel inventory of all of them – something we can sort by date and topic and everything.”
      Me: “Perfect, that’s exactly what I made! Here it is :)”
      Him: *stunned silence*

      Shockingly, I wound up co-leading the overhaul project. :D

      Reply ↓
    3. Tio*

      So I’m a customs broker – but I graduated with a standard Intl. business degree. I got hired into logistics after I applied to a company in logistics my friend got hired at, and they rejected me and I got petty. While there, I overheard some manager gossiping about another manager, and how she should just take the broker’s exam and it would make her so much more valuable. I thought, hey, I’m good at tests and like being valuable… so I took the exam.

      A decade later I’m the manager of import compliance for a major national retailer. It paid off!

      Reply ↓
    4. NoIceCavesHere*

      One of my aunts worked in social services. They rolled out a new software system. My aunt went to the effort to learn it really well and taught it to her group. Then her group started being requested to train other groups. My aunt realized their job description now more closely matched that of software trainer. She managed to get her whole group reclassified as software trainers with higher salary, and since that higher salary meant a higher pension she was able to retire early.

      So to answer your question, yes, it can lead to huge wins!

      Reply ↓
  44. old But willing to learn new things*

    I often read about people saying that they’ve managed to turn a hobby into a side gig or a side gig into a full-time thing. My partner is in a situation where he’s got a sudden very serious medical condition and can no longer do his brutal physical construction job. But he’s a consummate woodworker, making everything from carved molding for door and window surrounds to jewelry boxes. Neither of us have any knowledge of marketing, and we’re both in our sixties. Which means for us that marketing has massively changed since we would have known anything about it if we ever did. Now everything is on the internet. Friends of mine who are heating and air conditioning guys have told me that they make more money doing Tick Tock videos being Joe the air conditioning guy then they do at their job. Neither of us have the slightest idea what our next steps should be. Should we take a class at the local community college in marketing? Do we adopt a friend’s teenage grandkid to teach us how to make Tick Tock videos about his now former brutal construction job which is skilled and the union is trying to get more young people involved? And magically hope that this new way of making money, that doesn’t involve making any products, but instead making “content” which we don’t even understand what that is, becomes clear to us? All suggestions greatly appreciated!

    Reply ↓
    1. Call Me Wheels*

      This might not be that relevant to you sorry, but the college (UK, so 16-18 year olds) I work at currently has a big push to try and recruit people from the trades into teaching. My understanding is all you need is experience in the skill, and they provide teaching training on the job. I think they teach the apprentices when they are doing their time on campus rather than at work. I don’t know how common this is, but if it would be possible with his medical condition maybe looking into becoming a woodworking or construction instructor through a similar path might be a more reliable source of income for him?

      Reply ↓
      1. Dancing Otter*

        Community colleges in the US frequently have trade-related courses. Being an adjunct instructor certainly has its disadvantages, but if you’ve got insurance etc. covered from your job (or Medicare?) it could be at least part-time employment for him.
        Some high school districts also offer adult education classes, either vocational (construction) or recreational (woodworking). They don’t necessarily require in-district residency for the instructors.

        Reply ↓
    2. Zombeyonce*

      Becoming popular enough to actually make money on TikTok is difficult and a crapshoot (and TikTok may not be around that much longer depending on how the law to ban it shakes out), so I don’t recommend trying to go all in on that front. Making videos for YouTube can be more reliable, but it also takes a long time to build up enough of an audience to make real money, and there’s also a low chance you’ll ever have enough of an audience to make the time you’d put in worth it. Unless your partner is especially funny and very charismatic and one of you is good with technology, I’d skip this route. People also severely underestimate the amount of work it takes to write a script, film multiple takes, edit, post, and try to reach the target audience with marketing. It’s a huge amount of work!

      Learning to work with new technology can be a big learning curve, so if you want to go the “content” route, taking classes on it COULD help, but I’d be wary. A lot of classes you’ll see are offered either by people who aren’t really keeping up with current tech and the info is outdated (finding a community college course that’s got current info on making online content is rare), or by predatory people who promise to teach you all you need to know to make infinite money when they’re really just trying to get you to give them money for info that’s not actually helpful.

      I like Call Me Wheels’ suggestion of becoming an instructor instead if that’s an option. Hopefully others will have more suggestions on ways your partner can translate their experience into a different job.

      Reply ↓
      1. ferrina*

        Seconding all of this. Earning a living as a social media influencer is as tough (possibly tougher) than earning a living as a musician or actor. You need to constantly put out content, so you have to be making videos every day. You need to market yourself (which is different than corporate marketing). You need to cultivate a following by understanding what your audience wants and how it fits with your brand identity. You need to play the algorithm (which is a total crapshoot). Many early-day content creators end up working more than 40 hours per week to try to break into the industry, and very few actually end up making it.

        Explore other options to make money. Others have good suggestions here- you could also look at things like data entry or medical coder (which would likely require courses, but may be able to be done from home)

        Reply ↓
    3. Elsewise*

      I’d steer away from trying to make a living on social media; the people who manage that are few and far between, and there’s a lot more people who try but don’t make anything. Wheels has a great idea about teaching.

      Another option is to reach out to your local woodworking association and chat with them. My partner has gotten involved with our local group, and got some very excellent ideas about how to earn money from woodworking. Those groups, in my experience, tend to be run by older folks, so you won’t be alone in navigating the technology!

      Another option to consider- does your area have craft fairs or maker’s markets? I have a lot of friends who sell in those environments, and they often do really well without having to deal with setting up an online shop. You could even feel it out just by going to your local events and chatting at any vendors you gel with and see what their experiences are like! In my experience, craftspeople are always interested in talking to others interested in that path.

      Reply ↓
    4. Reba*

      I think teaching is a great suggestion. Or perhaps your husband could keep in the millwork trade as a business owner who hires other carpenters to build his designs (I’m imagining like built in bookcases).
      I also wanted to bring up crafts fairs, if your husband is interested in making more boxes, fine furnishings, candlesticks, etc. Try to talk with people who do this and get a sense if this kind of sales could work for you. Many artisans do fairs + an etsy shop or simple website to have some online presence, and they keep their costs reasonable by only doing fairs within X miles drive of their home or whatever.
      One thing that is important for this kind of business is to have a good “volume piece” meaning a type of object that you can make relatively quickly for a price point that will get a wide range of buyers to try. You go to the crafts fair with 20 $100 things and 5 $500 things and up from there. Then some of those buyers will convert into people who are willing to buy the higher priced pieces or commission custom pieces.

      Reply ↓
      1. The Prettiest Curse*

        My aunt is in her 70’s. She’s an artist and one of her ongoing projects is making mechanical sculptures from recycled metal objects. She markets these via an Instagram account and art/craft fairs and she also does commissions. (Sometimes the fairs aren’t great, because you have to pay an exhibitor fee, sit at your booth for the duration of the event and nobody buys anything, so do some research first.)

        Some advice for the original commenter:
        There is a huge arts and crafts community on Instagram, and even though the platform really wants you to post video instead of images, if your work and photos are interesting enough you will get an audience eventually, but it will take a while to get going. I’d also advise looking at what your local woodworking community is doing – how do other people market their work? Is there an obvious marketing outlet, like leaving business cards in craft stores? Are there groups he could join that might provide access to specialist equipment and marketing expertise?

        Check out your husband’s potential woodworking competitors (online and offline) and see what they do. Look at any social media posts they’ve made that were particularly popular and those that weren’t to get an idea of which content will work best. Try to find out their pricing too, and price competitively when you start selling. Also, be responsive to messages, because people expect quick responses, especially to DMs (direct messages) on Instagram. Good luck!

        Reply ↓
    5. Throwaway Account*

      I used to teach classes at the public library about how to use social media. So I feel I have experience with folks in your situation. I had artists and tow truck company owners and real estate agents in my classes. Most thought after a couple of hours of study, they, too, would be making all the money on social media. It takes so much more than that! At the end of one class, the tow truck company owner thanked me, he said that now he knows why he is paying someone to run all his social media!

      Before you can consider doing anything like what you are describing re the marketing/social media, you have to start USING social media. You have to have a good sense of how they work and what people post before you learn how to make them.

      I love the idea to look into teaching and doing woodworking for craft fairs. But I would also suggest you get onto all the social media platforms (slowly, one at a time) and follow lots of folks who do things that are like what your husband wants to do. Once you see what it looks like, you will have a better sense of it and can decide if this is something you want to learn how to do.

      Reply ↓
  45. hypoglycemic rage (she/her)*

    Hi! I posted last week about not knowing how to be more confident in my work, and yall gave fantastic advice! Thank you.

    As several people suggested, I’ve been treating the stocking of various kitchens/stocking times as a “what’s NOT full?” kind of mindset, and I think that’s been helping. Boss and I will never be on the same page about what “low” means, but I’m glad to know it’s a bonkers mindset for others, too!

    I’ve also been trying to get better about communicating my timelines. Like earlier this week, boss asked me to go through old offices and clean them out. In the past, I might have just thumbs upped the message and gotten to it when I could. But I let her know that I’d probably be able to get to it that afternoon. (And I did.)

    However, I did want to clarify some things. Namely how I responded to her assignments and if they needed to get done immediately, because she’ll send me reminders the next day.

    If she includes a time/day/something else, or if she specifically says it needs to get done ASAP, then I will of course get it done immediately. It’s when she doesn’t give any kind of a due date that I would get to it when I could (which might not be that day). I am trying to get better about communicating my timeframe, but she doesn’t always say something is urgent/needs to be done now initially.

    Also – it’s policy for anyone’s requests to go through her. She needs to keep track of our work so we don’t have too many things going on at once. That’s how it is. I don’t know how things worked before she started, but that’s how things are now. Which is also probably why I don’t feel like I have agency.

    But I think the biggest issue is that I don’t feel like she trusts me. I’d also probably be a lot more confident in my job if I felt like she had my back. But while I make mistakes as we all do, because I watched her do the same thing to other clerks, I don’t know how much of this is me or her. I don’t think there’s a way of changing that culture.

    But I’ve also never had a manager not trust me before, so this is kind of hard to deal with.

    Anyway, there wasn’t really a point to this post, I just wanted to clear some things up and thank you all again for your help last week. :)

    Reply ↓
    1. CTT*

      You need to ask her for a timeframe, don’t wait for her to give it to you. You got feedback from a few people last week suggesting that and I strongly encourage you to follow it. You’re letting her leave you guessing.

      Reply ↓
      1. hypoglycemic rage (she/her)*

        Yeah, I’m getting better about giving a timeframe if I am not given one, but I am also going to work on asking if it’s something I am not sure about when I can get it done/timeframe isn’t more obvious. Thanks!

        Reply ↓
        1. Saturday*

          I think that sounds good. Your approach of giving her an estimated timeframe when you can makes sense. That way, if she wants it done earlier, she can say something right away, but if your timeline works, she doesn’t need to do anything.

          I’m just thinking asking her for a timeframe for every little request could get annoying, so I don’t think I would do that. The way you handled the old offices seems like it would work well, and then you’d only be asking when you really need more clarity.

          Reply ↓
          1. hypoglycemic rage (she/her)*

            Thank you, this is my reasoning, too. I actually do think asking for a timeframe would get annoying eventually, so I am just going to get better about being able to give one right off the bat. I have a good handle on my priorities and usually have a good idea of if I will be able to get something done that day (barring emergencies or something like that).

            Reply ↓
  46. Lemons*

    CALLING ALL TOXIC WORKPLACE INMATES:

    I recently learned my former VERY toxic workplace has gotten much worse, and I badly want to support my former colleagues as best I can…it’s one of those places you get stuck in because it warps your idea of what’s normal.

    Any ideas for how I could support folks without overstepping, aside from the occasional “how you doin'” reach-out?

    Reply ↓
      1. MsM*

        +1 to passing on no-pressure listings – “Don’t know if you’re looking, but saw this and thought of you!” Or “I ran into Contact the other day. They mentioned they have an opening that sounded like it might be up your alley; want more details?”

        Reply ↓
    2. Zombeyonce*

      As someone who works with another department that’s very toxic, try supporting them by not focusing on that. I have a friend who was able to leave that department and whenever we get together, she just wants to hear the latest gossip from that group and find out if people are crashing and burning or have me tell her the latest unbelievable thing that happened. It’s exhausting. I don’t want to think about it outside of work (or even AT work!), so her asking me to relive that stuff for her is the opposite of supportive.

      If you’re friends with them, talk about literally anything else. It can also remind them that they have other things in their lives besides a toxic work environment that are worth hearing.

      Reply ↓
      1. Lemons*

        For sure! I try to tread really carefully and just focus on how they’re doing, at work or personally. A lot of ‘hey, hope you’re doing well’ open-ended type communication. Juicy gossip is great when they want to vent (and oh, it IS juicy, every time), but I don’t want to make things worse for them. I try to stick to affirming that what they’re experiencing is NOT normal when they do want to list out the crazy. A good reminder, thanks!

        Reply ↓
    3. Throwaway Account*

      Ask them! Some of my former coworkers want a place to vent, some want me to chat with them about anything else, some love when I pass on Ask a manager tips. Everyone is different!

      Reply ↓
  47. TooTiredToThink*

    My annual review included that I should seek training on leadership and management. Because of the CR, it’s not in the budget for me to take any training classes right now (I’m fairly confident boss put it in my review because they know I want to take some courses). That being said – does any know of any free – good – resources. (I do have a library card too :D) Obviously I am an avid AAM reader, which has helped me so much, but I’d appreciate recommendations!

    Reply ↓
    1. cele*

      Many of the local libraries in my area offer LinkedIn Learning to cardholders for free, so I would start there!
      edX would be another great place. You can audit many (if not all) of their courses, from top universities, for free.

      Reply ↓
    2. Throwaway Account*

      A quick google search is pretty effective for this! Link in reply. Lots of universities have trainings like this.

      And you can adjust the google search for your own field (which you might not want to do here).

      I don’t have a specific suggestion but are their courses in any professional orgs in your field? Maybe look at those to get ideas for the “flavor” or buzz words for training that they use so you can search for free versions?

      Reply ↓
    3. Goddess47*

      Check your local Small Business Association for classes they offer. Some will have a cost, others will be free, but it’s another place to check.

      Good luck!

      Reply ↓
  48. Executive Thrifter*

    Hello AAM friends, I was just curios if there is anyone else who works at the executive level in a dressed up (i.e. not business casual) setting who thrifts most or all of their work clothes?

    I’m a VP but I have been thrifting since I was a very broke assistant – first for financial reasons, and now because I learned about the textile/clothing industry… and also how much stuff from thrift stores ends up in landfills :( Also, there is a part of me that HATES spending money on work.

    I work in a very stuffy profession and never brought it up until this week when one of the junior staffers came in wearing a fabulous dress and I complimented it – and it turned out she had thrifted it. We got into a whole conversation about thrifting, how crazy it is that people donate such nice stuff (I was wearing a thrifted Armani suit that day), or favorite finds, the best places to go in our respective towns, etc. One of my colleagues overheard and complained to me later that thrifting is for “poor people” and I should take how I dress more seriously, and that junior staffer and I both get paid enough that I shouldn’t have to scour through other people’s trash.

    I just kind of laughed it off but now I am curious if I am the only one! Fellow executives in business formal/dressed up offices, who else loves to thrift?

    Reply ↓
    3. Qwerty*

      Your coworker probably has very different experiences than you. Some of the Goodwill shops I visited when I was 20 really did feel like searching through trash. But there was one that felt like a palace which I bought a lot from, though eventually I realized there were other people who needed the $5 price tag a lot more than me.

      I think a lot people don’t think of designer consignment shops as thrifting – I wish there were more of those second hand stores near me because you find such lovely things in them! I’m always amazed at how often I found something that had never been worn and still had the original tag.

      Reply ↓
    4. juliebulie*

      You can keep laughing! Your colleague is spending big money on new designer stuff, while you are… saving for retirement or whatever, while keeping stuff out of the landfill.

      It’s your money. If I wanted designer clothes I’d go the thrift route as well. There are things I’m willing to pay more for, but clothes are not among them.

      Reply ↓
    5. Ms. Frizzle Found her Sizzle*

      My father worked at IBM in the 80s and he always wore suits from the local thrift shop. Once when asked the price of his suit, he happily answered “one fifty.” His colleague walked away thinking $150; my Dad paid $1.50. He was seen as an oddball and too much of an iconoclast, but he never changed.

      He died 5 years ago, and your post reminded me of this aspect of him that I’d forgotten. Thank you. Thrift on!

      Reply ↓
    6. WantonSeedStitch*

      This is one of the few cases where I feel like “what a weird thing to say” really IS the appropriate response.

      Reply ↓
    7. Lily Rowan*

      We had “interest” lunch tables at a day-long work retreat and I sat at the thrifting table, and it was almost all pretty senior/”seasoned” people. To be fair, our job is mostly not dressed up, but I think it makes even more sense to thrift/consign/whatever formal clothes!

      Reply ↓
    8. HR Exec Popping In*

      I absolutely thrift! I love finding a great deal. At this very moment I’m wearing a designer shirt and blazer that I got second hand. :) Power to the thrifters!!

      Reply ↓
  49. cele*

    Curious if anyone works in a building with multiple kitchens, and if people get territorial about them.
    I’m just wondering because I’ve never worked in a building with more than one kitchen area, until I started here about 3 years ago. Each department has a separate kitchen space. I never venture to other kitchens, since there’s one right by my desk. But recently, there was a whole drama about a coworker walking past another department’s kitchen and grabbing some coffee from their pot. They aggressively demanded that a building-wide notice to be sent out, that you may only drink coffee from your kitchen’s pot. The building manager did not engage with them, but it sparked a whole conversation about what is and is not appropriate to do in other kitchens. Some people were super territorial, and insisted that someone taking anything (including coffee) from another kitchen should be reprimanded by HR. I can understand food stealing, or making a mess, but causing a stir about a cup of coffee felt dramatic. Especially since we don’t have any defined “rules” on kitchens. Are there unspoken rules in other offices?

    Reply ↓
    2. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      I worked in large businesses with multiple kitchens for half my career. This is nuts. The company provided the equipment, the company provided the supplies. If you finish a pot, you made another, regardless of what floor you were on (cue the old Terry Tate, Office Linebacker commercials).

      Now maybe the people in that kitchen clubbed together to buy better-quality coffee or something? Or maybe they are near a conference room, and end up having to make twice as many pots of coffee as normal because they’ve become defacto admin support for the conference room?

      Otherwise that’s a weird reaction, and the office-wide conversation is even weirder.

      Reply ↓
      1. cele*

        This is a great thought. They definitely don’t have to make coffee for everyone, since my own staff takes care of coffee for meetings. But it’s possible that they bought better coffee. If they did, though, they didn’t tell anyone! That would make it more understandable.

        Reply ↓
    3. Zona the Great*

      How absurd. I’d have a hard time not laughing at those who raised a stink. Go to HR over someone using the company supplied areas? Nonsense. What if I just need a break from the people and things I’ve been seeing for 8 hours a day and 40 hours a week?

      Reply ↓
      1. cele*

        This was my reaction too, and I was wondering if I was way off the mark! I understand wanting to keep food office-specific, but the reaction to a cup of coffee felt extreme.

        Reply ↓
    4. Jaunty Banana Hat I*

      We have multiple breakroom kitchens in our building, and we mainly keep to the one on our respective floor. But it wouldn’t be a big deal to get coffee or napkins or community dishes from one if you’re there. The biggest thing is not using the fridge from a different floor unless there is a group event happening on that different floor. That’s mainly because people forget what they put in the fridge if it’s not the one in the kitchen they primarily use, and then it sits there until there’s a fridge clean out.

      Reply ↓
    5. No kitchen bullies here*

      Wow, in my experience, that drama is messed up. HR? Seriously? I’ve worked in several orgs with multiple kitchens offering communal coffee etc. In every case, though slightly different rules one org to the next, generally we’d use the kitchen on the floor or area closest to our desks, but so often people are meeting with others and pop into other kitchens for a refill. I adhere to whatever different notices there are (e.g. not taking “specialty” items like fancy coffee or biscuits left out, not taking meeting room items unless specifically offered), wash and return utensils or cups to the same kitchen I got them from. If anyone was ever seething about it, I never heard. Only thing I’d ever do on my first day is check to make sure I know exactly what is communal/paid by the org and what is funded by staff and leave the staff funded items alone.

      Reply ↓
    6. WantonSeedStitch*

      In my office building, there is a kitchen on every floor. Generally, you use your own floor’s kitchen (partly because going to another floor just to go to their kitchen is a pain in the neck). But if you’re on another floor for a meeting, no one really bats an eye if you make a cup of coffee or tea there (most of the floors have cup-at-a-time coffee makers of various types). Or, if something is malfunctioning in your floor’s kitchen (microwave, toaster oven, coffee maker), it’s expected that you’ll be going to another floor to use theirs. Keurigs or other cup-at-a-time coffee makers are really good for this because you don’t have the issue of someone taking the last cup and having to empty the filter basket and make another whole pot if you want some.

      Reply ↓
    7. Generic Name*

      I mean, if the stuff in each department’s kitchen comes out of that department’s budget, or if each department is responsible for cleaning/maintaining their kitchn, I can see why someone might feel territorial about other departments using it. But if the stuff in the kitchens is paid for and taken care of by the company at large, it’s very silly. My company has tons of kitchens, and while it’s sort of frowned upon to go up to the kitchen on the executive level if you don’t work on that floor, I don’t think anybody cares who uses which kitchen.

      Reply ↓
  50. Jestem*

    My wife has always worked in the Residential Care sector, be it in geriatric or children’s services.
    However, her health isn’t amazing, and she’s not really capable of physically performing the work now, something that she seems to refuse to accept or even acknowledge. So we are in a position where she needs to work, as I cannot support the family on my single income, and my wife will only apply for a very narrow type of work, go through the checks and so on (taking weeks if not months) and then manage to do between half a shift to maybe a couple of weeks worth of shifts before she quits.
    She’s on job 25 in 5 years, which this being the pattern, and it’s driving me up the wall!

    Anyone have some magic wand or script that will get through to her? I’m in a position now where we are arguing because I’m not being sympathetic enough to her plight, but it’s a plight she keeps on putting herself in!

    Reply ↓
    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      This is a relationship issue, unfortunately – not a work issue. Well, I mean, other than that the issue is that your wife doesn’t seem willing to work, and nobody can fix that but her.

      Reply ↓
    2. ferrina*

      Marital counseling?

      It sounds like you are at an impasse. I don’t know if that’s due to communication or conflicting needs, but working with a professional can help. A professional can help with shifting perspective, rephrasing, and helping you each think through the problem in a new way.

      That said….there is no magic. If there was an easy solution, I’m sure you’d have already found it.
      I wonder- why does your wife want to continue working in this field? Is it because there is something that fulfills her? Is it because it’s what is familiar? Is she scared of change? Feels like she’s ‘failing’ if she switches careers? Thinks she is must do this? Doesn’t think this cycle is a big deal? How does she feel about your current financial situation? Is she comfortable with it? Does she feel powerless? Ashamed? Not want to work?

      Reply ↓
    3. Cabbagepants*

      No magic script but I’d advise you both accept the current reality as a long term state. If you knew she would never gave stable work again, what would you do differently? Do that now. Stop trying to change her. She’ll change, or she won’t, but if a magic script would work, it would have already worked over the last five years.

      She probably feels a huge amount of shame and you pushing her to admit that she can’t do the work is making her bury her head deeper in the sand.

      Not to say you can’t acknowledge it. I’d recommend being very matter of fact about how the past pattern is impacting your present. Like “hey since our income as a family last year was only X, I don’t feel comfortable buying this expensive vacation until we’ve built up Y in savings.”

      Reply ↓
    4. Cadillac*

      I agree with the other poster that it’s a relationship issue. 2 ideas —
      (1) is there a way to have a version of this conversation with a neutral 3rd party helping guide the discussion (counselor, faith leader, trusted family member…)?
      (2) can you get yourself into a headspace to explore this with genuine curiousity about what’s going on? i.e. have a whole conversation where your goal is ONLY to better understand why she keeps banging her head against this particular wall (25 times!) rather than to try to get her to do anything differently. That might help you figure out what *would* get through to her (later, in a completely separate conversation)

      Reply ↓
      1. WantonSeedStitch*

        This is similar to what I might recommend. I feel like if you have conversation #2, it might come out that she’s in denial about her health and is determined that any limitations she has are temporary or “not that bad,” and she’s afraid of giving up and giving in to the fact that she can’t do the things she wants to be able to do. I know a lot of folks with chronic illness who have talked about having a really hard time coming to terms with limitations that they didn’t used to have, and with those limitations that meant for their careers. If it turns out she’s having similar struggles, counseling could help. So could being understanding of the fact that if all this is true for her, she’s likely grieving life before those limitations.

        Reply ↓
    5. AmyK*

      Therapy, etc, is going to be a better long-term solution.

      In the short term, I’d suggest that you don’t try to get through to her that she can’t do this job anymore. Instead, express only sympathy for the things she’s struggling with. Right now, she feels like she’s fighting against the physical problems she’s having, the jobs, and against you. If you pushing her hasn’t helped yet it’s not going to. So get obviously onto her side and reset your relationship so that she feels it. Don’t agree with her that she can do things she can’t, but don’t argue with her either. Just express sympathy about how tough it is. For the sake of your relationship, focus on the difficulty of what’s led to the situation. I know it’s been five years. Do it anyway.

      Separately, think about what kind of jobs she can both do and be interested in. If you can think of something that you haven’t talked about before, do you think you can bring that to her as a legitimate “omg, I think you’d be so great at this job?” Do not say anything about how this job is better because she can physically perform it. Instead, talk about how much experience she’d bring, or how great the hours or pay is, or anything that’s about why this job is a good fit for her. Think of this as how you don’t tell someone interviewing why you’re leaving your old job, you tell them why you’re interested in their new one!

      If you can’t think of a job that she’d be excited about, then… of course she’s also struggling with it! She’s going to need therapy to come to terms with her new situation. I have a chronic illness, and 5 years is about the amount of time that it takes most people I know within the wider community to get over that hurdle of really accepting that they can’t make it work by just trying hard enough. It takes longer when it’s an invisible disability, one that has good periods and bad periods, and/or when it’s wrapped up in a long-term career. And even then, it never really ends because that’s the society we live in.

      In the meantime, does she volunteer to do anything? Would doing a more casual “visit with a senior for a few hours a week” help her feel still connected to her old life, without compromising her health? Or reading with a kid in an elementary school? I also moved my passion stuff to more of a volunteering/hobby sphere. It has its own drawbacks, like people asking why I don’t make it my life since I’m so good at it, so work-related volunteering might be better after she’s become more accepting of the changes. Either way, do help her find ways to feel like she’s still accomplishing things and meeting people. If she’s sitting at home being/feeling isolated between jobs, that’s going to make her feel more and more like she needs to get back to her old life.

      Good luck! I’m so sorry that you’re both going through this right now.

      Reply ↓
  51. is the math right ?*

    Looking for anecdotes : if your job title / job description are very far apart, did that impact your ability to get your next position ?

    My current role is one where my work and job description have no relationship to each other. (think project manager job description vs data analyst responsibilities). Not sure how big an issue it will become (my manager is aware and doesn’t mind) if my current mgr leaves or if I want to go elsewhere.

    Reply ↓
    1. Lemons*

      Would your manager be open to a conversation about updating your title and job description? If you’re not also asking for more money, I think most managers would be amenable.

      Reply ↓
      1. MsM*

        Or if there’s some kind of bureaucratic reason you need to stick with the current title, at least make sure a formal copy of your job description (or at least your duties) is part of your performance review so it’s on file.

        Reply ↓
    2. Yes And*

      I had that exact situation coming out of my last job. I was careful to describe my actual functions, including the phrase “de facto [should-have-been-my-title]” in both my resume bullet points and my cover letter. Once I decided to start job seeking in earnest, I had no trouble getting interviews and an eventual good job offer.

      Reply ↓
      1. Toxic Workplace Survivor*

        I agree with this, “de facto” and phrases like “a go-to person when colleagues need X” can also go a long way to conveying that you’re operating at a higher level. There might be people in your current workplace who can help you come up with a description that better works for your role without misrepresenting your title.

        I had success with
        Job Title | 5-7-word description of role

        That, coupled with 3 titles showing increased responsibility worked when I had moved up in skill and responsibility within a pretty flat org. where I was in one specific union categorization the whole time, but doing bigger projects over time that qualified me for a skip-level role externally.

        Reply ↓
    3. periwinkle*

      I used to work in an organization where the official job title was based on level rather than actual responsibilities. I was a HR coordinator, Wakeen was a financial analyst, Sansa was an operations analyst, but officially we were all administrative assistants. If we moved up a level of responsibility, such as HR coordinator to HR analyst, we’d be called administrative officials. This was annoying, albeit one of the lowest-ranking entries on my “Reasons To Get Out” list.

      For my resume, I included both titles, with the functional “HR Coordinator” one in the entry headline and “Payroll title: Administrative Assistant.” at the beginning of the description.

      Reply ↓
  52. Anna Lee*

    Hoping for advice on task management and scheduling from freelancers / self-employed / students – aka, people who don’t have corporate software.

    I decided to lean into unemployment to facilitate a career shift so I’m juggling self-paced online courses, volunteering with local groups and helping them with planning/organization, and side projects (with the potential to monetize) – plus incorporating a lot of housework / personal life improvements.

    My todo list is failing me! I was really good my first week with a paper schedule that blocked off class time, email tasks, async tasks, etc but between the holidays and constantly catching colds I lost all momentum. I’m overwhelmed on getting caught up on text messages, various email accounts, and all the tasks floating around in so many categories

    I figure freelancers are used to juggling multiple projects/clients and might have some recommendatations on free or cheap tools that help or good organization systems?

    Reply ↓
    2. Lemons*

      Each day is new, don’t beat yourself up if you had a bum day yesterday. Today, start back in small. Put a few things on your list that are easy to check off, and then check them off. If you’re really stuck, do the lower-priority things you want to do first, to get you rolling, then do the things you have to do once you have momentum.

      As an ADHD self-employed, I have many systems in place to keep me moving!

      For habit, I avoid things in the morning that will distract me from starting, like sitting on the couch or scrolling socials. Feed the cat, get the coffee and go sit at the desk.

      For tasks, I have a daily to-do list (in priority order, starting with easies first thing in the morning) and my Google calendar. I assess my day to see what I can reasonably do, and move the extras to the next day. Keep it flexible so you don’t get discouraged if you didn’t crush an overly ambitious list that day. Make a habit of telling people when you’re going to deliver things to them, because then you have to stick to it. Group work blocks by type, don’t jump between class and email and laundry.

      For money, I have a cascading series of goals to keep me on track: yearly earnings/savings/investing goals, hitting a monthly average, and hitting a daily average for earnings. The last one really helps me keep going when I don’t want to, like “nope can’t flake out until the daily minimum is met.” I use a giant spreadsheet I developed over time to track things.

      Reply ↓
    3. Hanani*

      I am not a freelancer, but my whole life is on Google Calendar and the (free) Todoist app. You can sort things into a few categories and put in due dates. Some friends use a Gmail add-on (I think) where they can add an email to their to-do list.

      I also use the mail app on my phone so my different email accounts come to one place.

      I start and end the day with a few min to check things off the to-do list, reprioritize for tomorrow (or next week on Fridays), add things to the to-do list, etc.

      Reply ↓
  53. Weirded Out*

    Hi everyone!

    I work for a Very Big Company which has recently been involved in petitioning the Canadian government to alter a law affecting our industry. Over the last few weeks, I have received:
    1) three company-wide emails telling me about it and encouraging me to sign using my company email address
    2) 2 reminders in my team chat from my direct supervisor
    3) several text messages about it to my personal phone
    4) a short-notice meeting asking me to email confirmation that I was aware of the petition and had signed it using my company email address.

    It’s a petition that in theory I support, but insert that Pingu “well now I am not going to” meme here. I would have been absolutely fine with the “hey, we’re doing this, here’s why we’d like the change to be made, here’s how you can sign” emails but the requests to engage in a particular political activity and confirm that I have done so (and texting my personal phone number!) really weird me out. Is this normal, or is it as weird an overstep as it feels like it is?

    I think part of the context is that we’re likely to have an election at some point soonish, and I’m wondering if I’m going to get “ooh, hey, we really like THIS party, please confirm with your boss that you know we like THIS party” emails, and the very thought gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies.

    Reply ↓
    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Seems like a pretty ham-handed way to do it. But if it’s a Large Company with a Large Fractious Hierarchy, I can see why they’d do it that way, instead of delegating the pressure campaign to front-line managers.

      I also think you can disconnect the general election stuff from the company-specific issue. If it’s a publicly-traded company, there’d be a lot of stink about it internally, it would get leaked to the press, and there would be a big PR foofaraw.

      Reply ↓
    2. airport gemstone*

      I agree it’s an overstep. At my company, c suite is very vocal about their political leanings (which I find inappropriate at town halls) but is open to working with the party of the other leaning if we get paid lol (I’m also Canadian). I would say since it’s related to your work it’s ok to make people aware of the petition but it should end there.

      Reply ↓
  54. HugeTractsofLand*

    Can folks who have done an internal transfer talk about how you handled leaving your old role? I’m very excited to take on this new role but also want to make sure whoever takes on my old role doesn’t flounder. I’ll be expected to provide some support for political reasons (to make my move feel less like poaching) and because it makes sense for my new role to do; I’m handling the same kind of work on a broader and more intensive scale, and support is somewhat built into the job description. I also genuinely think I improved our systems and want to make sure the basic processes don’t get lost. So how invested is too invested? When does support for the old role on top of the new role become overwork? Any tips on setting limits or ways to gut check myself would be appreciated.

    Reply ↓
    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I transferred two weeks ago from a role that I literally built from the ground up, and oh GOD it was hard — not the transferring, and not even the actual handing-off process, but the letting go.

      I spent three weeks writing handoff documentation and doing demos and walkthroughs and “here, now you drive and I’ll watch”. (At least in the interim, my tasks were split up among six people.) Then at the end of my last day, I removed myself from almost all of the teams groups, chat channels, etc that were not related to my new position, and told folks in my old areas flat out that I know myself, if I didn’t remove myself from these areas then I would just keep sticking my nose in to everything, so I’m gonna step out and trust that if you really do need me for something, you will reach out to me. In my case, I had a really quiet first two weeks and will be leaving on Tuesday for an out-of-state training, so I was able to say, look, I can help with whatever you need until 1/24, but after that my ability to do anything other than answer a super quick question will be severely limited. They’ve been pretty proactive about asking me questions the last couple weeks, and I feel like I’ve left my baby in pretty good hands. :)

      Reply ↓
      1. HugeTractsofLand*

        Oh man, this resonates with me deeply. It sounds like you were doing a lot in addition to doing well (6 people covered your role?!), and I’m in a bit of the same boat where I worry that my replacement will be expected to operate at the same high level from the get-go. I really like how you handled the transition, though. A month-ish of more intensive guidance to build competency and trust, followed by hands-off unless called upon. Knowing yourself and working around your tendencies was really smart. Good luck with the new role!

        Reply ↓
        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Keep in mind, that’s six people that took on parts of my role IN ADDITION TO continuing to cover their own role. I mean, yes, I did a lot, but by no means was I truly doing six people’s worth of work. :)

          Reply ↓
        2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Also thank you! I’m looking forward to my new role — basically I’m moving from an operations leadership role into a technical development analyst helping to build our new system over the next couple years — so unlike you, my new position is not even a little bit adjacent to my previous one. So I really did have to get them to a point where they could be handling it without me pretty quickly.

          Reply ↓
    2. periwinkle*

      I was poached about two years ago into a different division, with some similarities in what I was doing but not really. I was in charge of designing and distributing a thing, now I’m a major consumer of that thing that my old team is still producing.

      However, I still provide support to the person who took on my work because (1) my old team was awesome, (2) the person who got the work dropped on his head had zero background in it and is getting crappy support from the platform vendor, and (3) I really need that thing to be accurate and useful.

      I have to keep reminding myself – it’s not my responsibility and I don’t have the full context anymore. It’s up to him and his manager and his teammates to sort out. I’ll give all the help they need when they ask but otherwise… not my circus, not my clowns. I’ve got a whole different circus to manage now (and all new clowns honking their noses at me).

      Reply ↓
  55. Keeping My Anonie On*

    Has anyone here experienced career success after surviving a performance improvement plan?

    For background: last year, my manager was summarily ousted, and as part of her support team, I was tarred and feathered with a negativity brush. I was put on a PIP with no warning, but managed to come through it with flying colors.

    Now, six months later, I’ve resumed my spot as one of the most trusted in my role, with scads of extra work outside my regular job. Management regularly sings my praises. However, as annual review comes around, I’m terrified that I won’t be recognized for continuing to exceed expectations because of the PIP.

    If you have experience (or have heard of anyone similarly) who’s been in this spot and has gone on to career growth at the same company, please let me know. I’m rather anxious.

    Reply ↓
    1. ShazamIT*

      I almost didn’t make my probation period, I was struggling with personal stuff and new job management was inadequate and it was just the perfect storm for crappy work output for me. I got myself in therapy for the personal stuff, started seeking out mentors at work and advocating for myself more, work output improved dramatically. Fast forward 2 years I went on to receive an award at work. So it’s doable. But long term I do think some people struggle to move fast that terrible first 6months impression of me, I’m aware I’m likely going to have to switch companies to leave that image behind someday.

      Reply ↓
    2. Qwerty*

      This is great! I can only give the manager perspective – when managing someone who went through a PIP, it is taken into consideration but does not overshadow the good work. Usually someone who has survived one is still performing below expectations but continuing to improve a few months later so the review might have a lower rating while paired with encouraging feedback.

      Managers tend towards a recency bias, so if you’ve been exceeding expectations for 6months there’s a decent chance that your review will be “meets expectations” to balance the recent work with the PIP. If you were surprised by the PIP, easily came off it, and now are seen as a high performer, odds are whatever landed you on one had more to do with mismanagement or bad information by your old manager (Like she was blaming you for her mistakes or giving you bad instructions)

      Reply ↓
  56. overcaffeinatedandqueer*

    Has anyone else ever gotten money through a health initiative at work?

    My wife signed up for a workplace wellness/weight loss thing, and as a way to support that, the company gives an extra $100 a month. It’s meant for healthy groceries I guess, but the terms just said “you can use it at these stores.”

    I do the shopping, though, so I took the card with me today for errands after work. As it’s a wellness thing though, I’m not sure if I can use the money each month to just buy the (mostly healthy ish) stuff we usually eat, or if it’s restricted to certain kinds of food or health products. Then again, apparently one can also use this card for UberEats, so perhaps it’s just meant to supplement the budget.

    (I always find eating healthier to be cheaper in the aggregate, but maybe the extra benefit money could be used to buy some options that are both healthy and easier to prep- usually more expensive where I live).

    Reply ↓
    2. Antilles*

      In terms of what you can buy with it, there’s no real “standard”. From your description, I would guess the only restriction is the stores and it’s just to supplement so you’ve got a little extra money to spend on healthy stuff (e.g., rather than buying processed frozen fruit, you can now afford real fruit).
      However, this relies on the details of the program, so you really need to check into the details of the program.

      Reply ↓
    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Mine is just cash added to my paycheck – officially I think they describe it as a rebate on my insurance premiums, because I earned x many points in the wellness program last year.

      Reply ↓
  57. Beth**

    Talk to me about performance rating systems that work to motivate people.

    I work in the public sector, so we’re not profit motivated and our targets are extremely hard to measure. We have a performance rating system with 3 ratings: 85% of people get the middle rating, 5% the bottom and 10% the top. HR enforce the distribution. My area has an informal rule that no one can get a top rating for two years in a row because more than 10% of people deserve the top rating but they can’t give it to all of them.

    I just had my rating for last year delivered by my (ex) boss and have delivered ratings to my team members. All of us were in the 85%. My boss candidly said that he can’t answer the question of what I would have to do to get a top rating because it’s never clear until the discussion at the end of the year what will be “enough” to see off the other people. Last year I got a top rating, so I wasn’t even in the running this year.

    I should also add that hundreds of hours of person time are spent to determine that 10%. (The bottom 5% is actually pretty clear, but there are usually more potential top people than time available and that’s what takes all the time.)

    I told him that the system was actively de-motivating and he agreed. Any ideas about how to suggest to senior people that this is a crazy system?

    Reply ↓
    1. Productivity Pigeon*

      See, I hate those arbitrary cutoffs.

      Sometimes a majority of of people on the team are legitimately amazing and punishing them by forcing them into subjective categories is a motivation-killer.

      Reply ↓
    2. TechWorker*

      I don’t know if it’s workable but at my company we have a similar-ish system except it’s just ‘top 20%’ vs not. It’s also not shared with employees… the review process focuses solely on their performance and goals going forwards. I don’t see the point in telling someone they’re at the 21st percentile, it doesn’t help them.. obv it depends what the company is trying to gain from it (some sort of info that feeds into raises/bonuses?) & the idea people can’t get it two years in a row is frankly, insane… but I don’t think sharing everything is always best.

      Reply ↓
      1. EmF*

        “… well, you know who around here is really good and a top performer! Try sabotaging them.”

        (kidding, obviously, but rewarding “doing better than other people” over “doing a great job” really rubs me the wrong way.)

        Reply ↓
    3. Qwerty*

      Would they be open to more ratings? I find the 5 option scale tends to have happier employees and is easier on managers. It also allows spreading out that distribution

      What was really helpful at one company is HR made a big push to teach everyone that “Meets Expecatations” is a good rating. Does being the 85% still allow you to get raises and positive work opportunities?

      Since you are stuck with the existing system, it might be helpful to think of it like an Employee of the Month award. Usually once you get that, you aren’t eligibile for a while because the company needs to recognize various accomplishments. You also never know what awesome things everyone else is up to so there’s no clear criteria on what it takes to receive the award.

      Reply ↓
      1. Beth**

        Thanks. This is helpful framing. Unfortunately, the ratings have a direct monetary impact because even though we are in the public sector, we have relatively small bonuses and the people in the top rating get a bigger percentage of salary as bonus (say 12% for the top and 8% for the middle and maybe 3% for the bottom).

        Pay increases are now separate from the ratings and are based on how far below target pay you are (and almost everyone is below their target). The target pay is set in completely arbitrary ways, but that’s a rant for a different day.

        In my 15+ years at the company, there have been at least 4 different ratings structures, including one that was effectively pass-fail. Immediately pre-Covid, we had 5 levels and this was slightly less demotivating, but it was still never clear how to get the two top ratings.

        Reply ↓
  58. mdv*

    Years ago, there was a letter (or open thread?) discussing sources for quality clothing where many commenters were recommending Universal Standard. US remained outside my budget for a long time, but last year I finally purchased jeans and other pants from them after losing a significant amount of weight.

    Fast-forward another year, and I have lost enough weight (105 pounds!) to be down TWO more sizes, which means that I have several pairs of both size 24 pants that I’ve worn for less than a year AND some newer size 22 pants that I’ve had for only ~2 months that are already loose on me. A recently purchased size 20 pant that I did not expect to wear for a few more months is already the right size. (Honestly, I find that kind of shocking, even though I knew it was going to happen soon!)

    Unfortunately, these particular purchases are not eligible for US’s amazing Fit Liberty program for a couple of different reasons, and I find myself looking for other ways to pass them along than just pitching them toward my local thrift stores.

    With Alison’s permission, I am posting them here as a free giveaway, for the cost of postage. If you are interested in either the size 24s (4 pair of pants including 1 jeans, 1 corduroy, 1 cargo, and 1 flannel pant with tags) or size 22s (2x jeans) plus one pair of “L” (22-24) twill pants (brand new with tags, never worn), I am interested in passing them along to you.

    I am not invested in keeping them all together for one person, will use USPS flat rate boxes from Kansas.

    Email me at ostfriesin @ gmail (dot) com if you’re interested!

    Reply ↓
    2. Lulu's pies*

      Not my size, but kudos to you on the weight loss (since it sounds like you’re excited about it!) and also on being a nice person willing to pass on great clothes. Have a good weekend!

      Reply ↓
      1. the cat's ass*

        came here to say that too, what a nice thing to do! I wish you continued excellent health and weight loss

        Reply ↓
  59. Things I Can't Unsee*

    I’m an editor with a varied background in both editing and writing, but at my current company (about 50 employees) I oversee our main (written) product and documentation concerning this product. I’ve been here more than a decade and, in the past, have been asked to help out with marketing and communications when that department was going through upheaval. This included some writing, but mostly copyediting/proofing. I haven’t been asked to look at anything for 3-4 years.

    Since that time, most of the marketing/communications work has been moved to an outside consulting firm. Our in-house marketing head, who is very competent but does not have a writing/editing background, and seems to be spread very thin, signs off on their work. I never see the department’s work now until it is published and out to the public. Errors I’m seeing aren’t just typos and minor grammar mistakes (although there are those) but some are factual, which puts an extra burden on our user services staff.

    I don’t usually correct others’ writing unless asked. I especially don’t like to do so when it is too late to do anything about it, which it often is in this case. If it were truly a big problem, like they misspelled an important email address, of course I’d bring it up. But what would you do with the smaller problems that will be noted by some (not all) customers and will be a data point against us?

    Reply ↓
    1. Angstrom*

      “Hey boss, I’ve seen some factual errors in the material we’re releasing to the public.(examples) This puts an extra load on the staff.(examples). Is there a way I could see this stuff before it’s signed off? I know marketing head is swamped and I’d be happy to do it.”

      Reply ↓
      1. MsM*

        Or, if you don’t want reviewing put back on your plate specifically, “Can we set up a meeting with marketing/consulting firm to figure out a process for making sure someone on the technical side has a chance to take one last look before things go to print?”

        Reply ↓
        1. Things I Can't Unsee*

          Yes, I think that is the way I need to go. I don’t really want to take it back on for various reasons. I just want to avoid factual errors and the major typos in headlines.

          Reply ↓
  60. MigraineMonth*

    I’m dealing with some chronic pain that is fortunately low-level enough that I can push myself to work through it, but it is unfortunately frequent enough that I would quickly run through all my PTO if I called in sick every time. Pushing myself to work through the pain makes it harder to focus, and sometimes it makes the pain worse to the point that at the end of the day I just curl up in a dark room until it’s time to go to bed.

    Do others with chronic conditions have strategies for determining when they use sick time? (I work from home and can take sick time for any increment, so I could take an hour off and nap or take the afternoon off, etc.)

    Reply ↓
    1. WorkerDrone*

      I’m having a shoulder problem that results in constant, relentless, but low-level pain. Luckily it won’t be forever, but it’s definitely my for-now.

      In your situation, I would personally find it very helpful to be able to use an hour of sick time anytime I felt that the pain was starting to approach “dark room until bed” levels, because that would be enough time for me to deal with it and prevent the “dark room”. So for me, the strategy for determining when to use sick time would be connected to feeling that feeling of beginning to push it too far and that would be my sign to use some sick time.

      If I couldn’t address it within roughly an hour or so, it would get a little more complicated. I’d have to look at what I needed to get done work-wise that day, what I needed to get done after work that day, and prioritize which is more important. If work was, then I’d have to power through and accept the dark room. If after work was, I’d take sick time for the rest of the afternoon.

      Reply ↓
    2. TechWorker*

      Hi migraine month – I get migraines. I feel guilt sometimes around my usage of sick time but have learnt that if I try to push through and work it lasts longer and results in a longer period overall where I’m not functional enough to work. I don’t have great advice because a) I also struggle with it and b) sick time in my country works a bit differently.. but things to think about:
      – can you flex your time at all? If you need an hour nap one day can you work an hour late another day? (Maybe you already work late some days, in which case give yourself grace)
      – what’s your manager/company culture like? If you do a good job & get your work done will they actually care if you work a bit less on bad weeks? (Also idk about you but when I am in pain I don’t think clearly anyway, it’s not my best work!)
      – when you do use sick time make sure to fully rest. Don’t feel like you have to stay connected and ‘do a bit’ if that then means your recovery takes longer!

      Good luck.

      Reply ↓
      1. MigraineMonth*

        I do have flex time, but unfortunately all of my work is on the computer and the migraines seem to be set off/made worse by computer screens, so at some point taking care of myself probably means just spending less time working. (And internet, TV, computer games… sigh.)

        There are definitely times that I’ve been online less but still gotten my work done and my boss has been fine with that; it’s probably my guilt at “slacking off” getting in my way.

        Thank you, I appreciate the advice, and I hope your migraines improve!

        Reply ↓
  61. Jessen*

    How would you professionally explain (for cover letters and interviews) that you’re leaving your job due to the new administration? I’m a federal contractor in the NIH. I’m also openly transgender. Between likely budget cuts and the open hostility to trans people I’m expecting to lose my job in the nearish future anyway.

    Reply ↓
    2. Hlao-roo*

      How long have you been in your current (federal contractor) position? If you’ve been in that job for 5+ years, you can easily say “I’m looking for something new, and I’m excited to apply to [job positing] because [reasons].” There are plenty of people who switch jobs after 5+ years to change things up a bit, learn new professional skills, get a higher salary, etc. so I doubt most hiring managers will push to find out why you’re ~really~ leaving.

      If you’ve been in your current role for less than 5 years, I think you can reasonably say “I’m looking to switch into [the private sector/state government/etc.] and was exited to apply for this job because [reasons].”

      Good luck with the job search, and I’m sorry about the climate the current administration is bringing to the federal workforce :(

      Reply ↓
      2. Jessen*

        I did just pass the 5 year mark, actually. I was probably going to apply out anyway later this year, after finishing a certificate program I’ve been working on. So this is mostly speeding that up a bit. I’m expecting layoffs in the near future.

        Reply ↓
    3. Pocket Mouse*

      I’m sorry. This really sucks. My advice is to frame it as what you want/are running toward instead of what you don’t want/are running away from. From what you wrote (and some assumptions), you want: long-term employment security, a culture that values rigorous, evidence-based health science, and an environment that actively values diversity in its staff. I’m sure you can come up with much more from the content of job postings! And just to say, an employer of the type I assume you want to work at—or at least a hiring manager I assume you want to work with—will see your resume and *know* without having to be told.

      Again, I’m sorry. I hope you find a new role soon, and I hope you thrive in it.

      Reply ↓
    4. Lemons*

      I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

      I assume it’s common for a lot of turnover to happen along with the administration, so you can probably just leave that reason as an unspoken understanding, and just do the classic “seeking new opportunities, job changed to not align with what I’m interested in anymore” or whatever generic job-change reasons are appropriate.

      Reply ↓
    5. Scott*

      If you leave your current position voluntarily, I would not put anything in a cover letter about it. If asked during an interview, I suggest refraining from any discussion of leaving due to the new administration.
      Here’s the thing. I’ve been in federal service for a long time and I do my job, not for whichever politician is currently in office, but for the people of our country. I don’t work for NIH but it seems to be to be a worthwhile endeavor to work there. I recommend keeping emotions (and politics) out of your job search.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jessen*

        Honestly, I’ve loved my job as well, and I’d happily stay if I felt I could. The bigger motivation right now is that some of the most recent executive orders are halting operations I support, and there’s a heavy push in congress to cut the funding that pays for my contract. Unless something big shifts I’m expecting there to be mass layoffs in the very near future, and I’d rather be gone before they hit rather than after.

        Reply ↓
    6. Nicki Name*

      Are you applying to other jobs in the healthcare/research space? If so, then people where you’re applying are aware of what’s happening, and can already guess at why you might want to change jobs right now.

      Seconding the focus on what you’re running toward in the cover letter.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jessen*

        I’m mildly preferring healthcare and research but not exclusively. I’m an IT worker and I’m actually slated to finish a cybersecurity certificate in May. I had been planning on applying out anyway after that, so this speeds up the process for me.

        Reply ↓
        1. Insert Pun Here*

          I think this is your opening actually! You can absolutely frame this as “while doing [some big impressive thing that your interviewer would want to know about], I got really interested in [whatever it is] and decided to get [certification], and now I’m looking to [do whatever this new job is.]”

          Reply ↓
    7. Throwaway Account*

      Can you tie leaving your current role to the end of the WFH mandate? As in, it was not possible for you to go to the office bc you did not live near it?

      Or you can say you left the job to help a family member with a health issue that is cleared up now. The family member is you and the health issue is your mental health.

      As others said, most of all, focus on the reason you want the jobs you apply for.

      And I’m really sorry this is happening to you!

      Reply ↓
    8. Educator*

      Everyone will know why with a single glance at your resume. I had to change jobs because of a political situation once, and I never needed to explain it. Everyone in my industry knew and understood the moment they looked at my previous employer name and my departure date. If anyone is foolish enough not to immediately connect the dots, something like “I was on a federal contract, and of course the federal government’s priorities changed in 2025” should be enough.

      Reply ↓
  62. Jennifer Juniper*

    We are independent contractors who work remotely across the US. Our company’s software/IT is lousy to the point of multiple people not being able to access systems daily. IT takes days to fix issues.

    Our Slack has lots of complaints about this. our program manager told us chat etiquette said we could not complain.

    Another coworker said that our complaints could be considered sexual harassment because the complaints could make others uncomfortable. IT never even sees our channel. The coworker said she used to teach sexual harassment training classes at a large bank that is very well known.

    Can it be legally be considered sexual harassment? I know complaints are unprofessional, so I stopped.

    Reply ↓
    1. Lemons*

      In what world is complaining about broken software sexual harassment? Your coworker seems to have taken a BIG leap on that one.

      Reply ↓
      1. ferrina*

        Yeah, it really depends on the nature of the complaints.

        If it’s “This software keeps crashing and is really frustrating”, that’s definitely not harassment.
        If it’s “You can tell this software was programmed by women/men, because it’s terrible!” then yes, that can be harassment.
        If it’s “This is why women shouldn’t be programmers, all they’re good for is….” then yes, definitely harassment.

        Reply ↓
    3. Admin of Sys*

      The only situation I can imagine complaints about software counting as sexual harassment is if the complaints involve sexual inuendo or references to genitalia. “the can suck my…” sort of thing could maybe cross over into that?
      My guess is coworker associates any harassment with sexual harassment? And there are situations where sufficiently violent or negative feedback could be considered harassment, but again – it’d have to involve severely unprofessional complaints.

      Reply ↓
    4. ecnaseener*

      If the complaints are sexually charged or something, then yes, your coworker’s right about the part where exposing your coworkers to unwanted sexual talk could be harassment, even if they’re not directly targeted.

      Reply ↓
  63. GradQuestion*

    For graduate academic poster presentations, how bad does it look if your poster is handcrafted and not printed? By handcrafted, I mean the use of a tri-fold board from the store with the use of markers, construction paper, and printed/glued paper with typed text?

    Reply ↓
    1. Prosaic*

      Depends on the event, I guess. Coming from life sciences, I’ve been to some small graduate-only internal presentations where I saw a couple of poster boards with figures pasted on. At larger events or conferences, I think it could detract from what you’re trying to present, but reach out to the event coordinator to get guidance. Larger events usually have poster guidelines ahead of the event.

      Reply ↓
      1. Antilles*

        I agree with all of this.
        In addition to the event coordinator, I’d also ask your professor and/or fellow grad students. Are they doing poster presentations too and if so how? What did people bring to last year’s conference?
        If it’s a semi-public conference, you might also be able to do some internet sleuthing about last year’s event and see if there are any photos (e.g., on your university’s website) that you can look at to see how things look.

        Reply ↓
    2. ferrina*

      Deps on your industry, but in the healthcare niche I used to support, you’d be laughed out of the major conference. Your poster needs to be printed (create the poster in PPT and print it at a local print shop- an experienced print shop can likely help you with the logistics of printing to the right size). If you are traveling, use a cardboard poster tube to transport your poster.

      If you are really fancy, you can print to a special poster fabric that doesn’t wrinkle and is easy to transport. But mostly it’s the laminated poster paper that I saw.

      Reply ↓
    3. Admin of Sys*

      Unless you are specifically trying to invoke a kitschy artistic flair, I’d say very much so. Often, universities have severely discounted printing services available to students, so if the concern is price, I’d check out what options the school provides.

      Reply ↓
    4. Throwaway Account*

      I have never seen a poster that is handcrafted. I’m sorry to say that I don’t advise you to do that.

      Do you need advice about how to set up and print a poster? Is cost an issue?
      I have some information about how to do the set up if you need it. And I see that online printing for a 24×36 poster can be around $35, def under $50. There might be other local options for you too.

      Good luck!

      Reply ↓
    5. ShazamIT*

      Don’t do it. Find a way to print it. Your university should offer ways to print if not free poster printing through your department. Marker and construction paper on a trifold board reads little kid science day project, not professional at all in academia.

      Reply ↓
      1. Throwaway Account*

        My husband and I work at universities, and we have never seen a uni offer free or even low-cost printing for academic conference posters (only the small private uni I now work at will print posters for those in our in-house student research symposium).

        I just don’t want the OP to think something is wrong if their uni does not help with printing.

        Reply ↓
        1. Admin of Sys*

          Really? All 3 major universities in our area, and both the local community colleges have much cheaper than kinkos print services available, though only in-house. I figured it was pretty standard in higher ed.

          Reply ↓
        2. moql*

          I’m now very curious where you work! Both my undergrad (tiny, private) and grad (huge public research institution) had plotters in each department for posters. Perhaps this is a matter of discipline?

          Reply ↓
    6. Yorkshire Tea Lady*

      I’ve never seen that before.

      Certainly at my institution, the library service has large format printers and print posters for grad students for free.

      Reply ↓
    7. Heidi*

      At almost all the conferences I’ve attended, they provide a bulletin board with thumb tacks for the poster. I think the tri-fold science fair-type board would be too heavy for that setup, and it would be hard to read if it were on the floor.

      Reply ↓
    8. moql*

      I can only speak to the earth sciences, but you would definitely stand out, badly. I only saw this once or twice and they were students from institutions in much poorer countries.

      How does your department normally handle this? If your department doesn’t have a plotter, does your library? What about a sister department? Can your PI pay for printing at a local print shop? They will not want you representing them with a homemade poster. If travel with a poster is the constraint, can you contact the conference organizers and ask for their recommendations for local places to print? Do you have any collaborators who could print it for you and meet you there? It was not uncommon at my school for one person with a poster tube to be the “keeper of the posters,” transporting many people’s work.

      If you have to go with homemade, do not use a tri-fold board. Often conference halls will have easels to pin your poster to and will not have a table to place it on. They may use push pins too short to get through foam board as well. Do not use markers or construction paper, that will come across as childish. Instead, design your poster in a program that can split the final product into multiple 8 1/2 x 11 pages and print those, then glue or tape them to the poster.

      I am sorry you are in this bind! That you don’t have an obvious solution means that your school and PI are failing you here.

      Reply ↓
    9. Generic Name*

      I’m in the sciences, and the only context where I’ve seen the triptych poster boards with glued on text and figures is at elementary school science fairs. Every poster session I’ve seen has the posters printed on large-scale printers. If you don’t have access to one, Kinkos/Fedex has them.

      Reply ↓
  64. A. D. Kay*

    I’d like to hear from people who transitioned into academia after a career in private industry. I’m a burnt-out tech writer wanting to return to my first love, teaching composition and rhetoric. I’m looking into open positions at the local community college. Any adjunct instructors here?

    Reply ↓
    1. Hanani*

      If you’re looking for adjunct composition jobs, almost any college or university will want to snap you right up because turnover is very high. I made the shift the other way, out of higher ed teaching and into a different kind of role – what would be helpful to you? Are you looking into how to frame your experience, what it’s like doing that job, something else?

      Reply ↓
      1. A. D. Kay*

        I taught freshman comp while earning my master’s in English and do know a LOT about business writing and working in industry. So I am curious about how to frame my experience and make the case for being a good candidate despite not having taught for literally decades. Thanks

        Reply ↓
    2. Throwaway Account*

      The pay is very low for adjuncts, about $2,000 a class in my area. Make sure you are looking into that before you leap!

      There are other fields that would love your skills. I don’t how the pay goes, but the ALA (American Libraries Association) has jobs for editors. Other orgs like that might pay better than adjunct teaching but offer less burnout?

      Reply ↓
      1. A. D. Kay*

        The adjunct pay is a bit better in my location. And to TBH, adjunct teaching sounds less stressful than what I have been doing. I will check out the ALA, thanks!

        Reply ↓
    3. Goldie*

      Check that you meet the minimum qualifications–usually a Master’s Degree. Just start applying, maybe try to network? Do you know how to use canvas or whatever their learning management system is? If not, do some research on that. In our area, we need English as a Second Language more than anything, would you be open to that to get your foot in the door?
      Some times community colleges have job fairs or cold email the department chair. Attend theatre or other events and chat it up.

      Good luck!

      Reply ↓
  65. Prosaic*

    It’s me again with a question about how to approach a…misalignment in performance assessments. I work in life sciences and have an underperformer who has struggled with producing reliable work product and a much of their work has gone unused because we just can’t really tell if it’s true. Yet, in their personal assessment, they claim to have “spearheaded” a project (ironically, the one that I lead) despite just joining on the tail end and developed key methods despite the fact that these methods are not used because they can’t be replicated.

    So basically, I’m like “Uh, no?” but need to approach this more tactfully instead of writing “I disagree with this assessment.” For context, this employee already knows they’re slipping, so I’m trying to figure out if they’re just naive and don’t really know what things like spearheading a project means, or something else. My thinking was to sit down with them and ask them to elaborate on their assessment so I can get clarity on what they mean, then explain that I see things differently and make suggestions on how to reword the assessment so we’re more aligned. Or, should I just tell them straight up that they’re overstating their contributions?

    Reply ↓
    1. Productivity Pigeon*

      ”not knowing if their work is true” is a pretty serious thing!

      How long has this employee been around and how junior are they?

      I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to start out the conversation by asking them to clarify what they meant but at some point, you will need to tell them that that statement doesn’t reflect reality, regardless of the reason.

      Reply ↓
      1. Prosaic*

        Sorry, “true” is confusing– what I really mean is if it’s replicable. This employee will repeat experiments and get different results both times, so we can’t really say anything about what it means.

        I’m definitely leaning towards letting them talk first because that seems to be a better way to get an honest response. In the past, if I make my intentions clear, then they tend to fold and just become super agreeable to whatever I say– I suspect they just want me to go away and think appeasing me will do that.

        Reply ↓
        1. Productivity Pigeon*

          I don’t think you lose anything by starting with giving them a chance to explain themselves, especially if they fold, as you say.

          It sounds like you want/need to get and keep them talking. Could you have an initial meeting then give them ”homework” to come up with a concrete, detailed, written action plan for how to address the issues? (Sorry if you’ve already done that!)

          Reply ↓
    2. Reba*

      Yes, I would be super blunt and thorough. You can be kind about it but don’t let there be ambiguity. Rather than “see things differently” which suggests it is subjective, a matter of agree to disagree etc. I would have a conversation that starts with “Your self assessment contains X, Y, and Z inaccuracies. Let’s get on the same page about what happened and your contributions. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘spear-headed’? … ok, it would be correct to say you ‘contributed A and B’ instead of spear-headed, since you are not the project lead nor originated the project.”

      Reply ↓
  66. Hanson*

    I’m on a local “community board” with a fellow board member who is rather challenging to work with. When we need to make a decision, he tends to ignore someone bringing up a concern and simply moves ahead with whatever he wants to do, seems confused that anyone could be unhappy with the state of affairs, and never apologizes.

    Unfortunately this “board” has no hierarchy/positions, follows no rules of order, and has no process for consensus-based decision-making. I’m also half the age of everyone else on it and treated as part tech genius (I’m not) and part intern (I’m not). There’s also likely a gendered element here but honestly it feels like that might muddy the waters.

    Any suggestions for how to move forward other than quitting? So far I’ve successfully asked for a meeting next week to discuss the recent decision this member charged ahead with, but his (seemingly sincere) confusion and lack of apology makes me think this dynamic will just keep repeating because he doesn’t see himself as doing anything wrong.

    Reply ↓
    1. TCO*

      This is really tough. It’s hard for a group to succeed if there are no agreements about conduct or how decisions are made. The process doesn’t have to be complex or hierarchical, but there does have to be a process. In my experience, groups that can’t agree on basic operating norms don’t accomplish much.

      You could try speaking one-on-one with any other group members who seem concerned by the current state of affairs and have demonstrated a willingness to speak up in meetings. You could all agree in advance about what you want to say and what outcomes you want. But if no one else has a track record of speaking up or pushing back, be prepared that you might make a statement and have no one actually willing to add their voice in support.

      Does this group accomplish much? Is it worth the time you invest? Are there other outlets for your interest in this mission that might be more productive? Don’t spend months trying to make this group what you want it to be if no one else seems committed to change.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hanani*

        My question accidentally posted twice, I’m sorry, but an excellent point about how long it’s worth it for me to stay as part of this group. I’m in a small town, so there’s a certain amount of “have to work with what we’ve got”, but we’ll see how long I’m willing to put in the energy here.

        Reply ↓
  67. BonjourHello*

    What are some frauds in job search you know or have encountered?

    I have encountered spam messages claiming to be recruiters. Others have encountered recruiters who require candidates to pay a hefty fee in advance (not legal in my country).

    Reply ↓
    2. Sola Lingua Bona Lingua Mortua Est*

      I get the two flavors du jour–“remote” job that are 4+ days onsite and the listings where the “hiring manager” doesn’t know any details about the job itself and doesn’t end up hiring anyone.

      Reply ↓
    3. Elizabeth West*

      –Unsolicited “business opportunities.”
      –Anything that wants you to deposit money and then take it out again or transfer it (that’s money laundering).
      –Anything that costs you money upfront – MLM supplies, training fees, etc.
      –Reshipping parcels for someone – you pay the cost and they give you a fake paycheck.
      –Using a legit company’s name for a job that doesn’t exist (phishing for your info).

      Check email addresses. Check company websites to see if the jobs are listed there. Never give anyone your info whom you did not contact first. Don’t give to or take money from someone you don’t know.

      And one more — one time long ago, I applied to a random clerical job, and a man (allegedly the employer) contacted me and set up an in-person meeting. He gave me a time and an address. When I drove there, I found an empty storefront.

      I got out of there FAST.

      Reply ↓
      1. A Significant Tree*

        That last one reminded me of a time when I was helping at my parents’ garage sale – I was in college and home for the summer. Some guy offered to interview me for a summer job so I agreed to meet him at the local McDonald’s that afternoon. All I remember about it was that I kept asking what the job actually was, and he kept replying by asking me what household goods I used and my friends/family used and wouldn’t it be great to get those at wholesale prices or something. Obviously an MLM style scam but with so few details I don’t even know what company was involved.

        Ironically, the summer job I did end up getting was listed as a receptionist job but was actually envelope stuffing and some data entry for a telemarketing company (who were themselves running borderline legal ‘charity’ solicitations).

        Reply ↓
  68. Hanani*

    I’m on a local “community board” with a fellow board member who is rather challenging to work with. When we need to make a decision, he tends to ignore someone bringing up a concern and simply moves ahead with whatever he wants to do, seems confused that anyone could be unhappy with the state of affairs, and never apologizes.

    Unfortunately this “board” has no hierarchy/positions, follows no rules of order, and has no process for consensus-based decision-making. I’m also half the age of everyone else on it and treated as part tech genius (I’m not) and part intern (I’m not). There’s also likely a gendered element here but honestly it feels like that might muddy the waters.

    Any suggestions for how to move forward other than quitting? So far I’ve successfully asked for a meeting next week to discuss the recent decision this member charged ahead with, but his (seemingly sincere) confusion and lack of apology makes me think this dynamic will just keep repeating because he doesn’t see himself as doing anything wrong.

    Reply ↓
    1. ferrina*

      How do you feel about playing politics? Can you play to his ego and gently suggest ideas that he could take and claim as his own.

      IME, these personalities don’t see other people as ‘leaders like they are’ and once they suggest something it becomes law. But if you can catch them before they suggest something and pose your idea as something that they can claim they came up with, it will work. There’s the classic Pose-A-Solution-But-With-A-Solvable-Problem-They-Can-Fix, then they feel an ownership of the idea. Or the Brainstorming-Session-with-Light-Misinterpertation-and-Crediting-Them-with-Your-Idea. All of these are annoying ego stroking that shouldn’t be needed, but it can also be highly effective in implementing what you want to do.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hanani*

        My question accidentally posted twice, I’m sorry, but this is clever. I was once able to kind of fiat a decision by saying “what I’m hearing you say is x and I’ve helpfully written it down – sound good?” where what I wrote down was a synthesis of multiple points of view rather than just this person’s ideas. This person cheerily went along with it.

        I’ll see how long I’m willing to put in the energy to maneuver around this person. Thank you!

        Reply ↓
    2. ashie*

      Depending on how formal this board is, there may procedures around decision-making in the bylaws. If there aren’t, or it’s not that kind of group, it might be time to put some rules/procedures in place. It’s more work up front but will save lots of headaches down the road.

      Reply ↓
  70. Dee Dee*

    I applied for a job earlier in the week and made the mistake of getting my hopes up about it. On paper it sounded perfect. The requirements in the posting described me almost perfectly. I checked every box. Read company reviews and they were among the better ones I’d ever seen. They even had their benefits material posted alongside the job ad on their website so I could compare to what I had now, and were actually specific about the salary right in the posting. It would have been a massive raise even though it was technically a lateral move for me.

    Got the rejection in less than 48 hours. Funnily, they said it was because they were moving forward with applications that were a better fit experience-wise. (The job posting is still up, incidentally). I am not sure whether I should appreciate them cutting me loose quickly or if I wish they had strung me along for a little bit so I could have at least feel like they gave me a good look.

    I know, I know. I’m being ridiculous. It was one job. People are out there applying for a dozen jobs a day and not getting hits. But this one sounded so right that it felt almost like kismet. Trying to not let myself get to down about it but it still feels like it’s one that got away, even though there was no interest on their side. It’s just that I rarely, rarely find a job that is remote (preferred) or at least within commuting distance that is such a good fit for my experience and interests. Sigh.

    Reply ↓
    1. Productivity Pigeon*

      This might sound kinda silly and condescending but it does work for me.

      I try to frame it like this:
      It’s GOOD to see something and feel excited and fired up about it.
      It means my eyes are open to opportunities, that I believe in myself and my capabilities, that the future is bright and exciting. That there is hope of good things coming.

      Reply ↓
    2. ferrina*

      It’s okay to feel disappointed. Emotions are what they are- don’t worry about what you ‘should’ feel. It’s okay to feel sad that you thought the search was over and it wasn’t.

      It helps me to remember that you never know what is going on behind the scenes. There are so many times that the job description doesn’t line up with the actual job. Or the boss has already tapped their friend to take the job (and the boss makes it so toxic that you wouldn’t want to work their anyways). Or they know that you’re out of their budget. Or they are about to roll out a RTO and saw that you would be a remote worker. There are so many reasons this could be a bullet dodged, and you would never know. For the record- each of the reasons listed are reasons I’ve seen good candidates turned down.

      Reply ↓
    3. Defiant Jazz*

      That’s the worst feeling. I’m so sorry. I submitted a job app yesterday for an opportunity that looks like such a good match for me, but almost feels too good to be true… I’m already bracing myself for that awful sting of rejection. But I really love what the other commenters said, and we can hold onto both of those things equally: it’s good to hope, and it’s absolutely OK to hurt. Sending well wishes!

      Reply ↓
    4. Elizabeth West*

      Oh that stinks. I’m sorry.
      I always tell myself there’s probably something I don’t know, like the building is full of cockroaches, the manager pees in the potted plants on a regular basis, they donate to horrible people, etc.

      Reply ↓
    5. Didn't Spit In Your Coffee*

      Hey there, this happened to me this week too. I’ve been having a hard time finding jobs that are event relevant to what I’m doing, and it felt like the universe had put this opportunity in front of me for a Reason! It had to MEAN something! The benefits and pay were excellent, too. I felt so strongly that about it that it was the first position in this job search I’ve actually written a cover letter for.

      Then the rejection came, also 48 hours later. They cited more experienced candidates, and admitted they had also mistakenly posted the job as “remote” when it was actually based in one location across the country from me.

      I have been told that January is generally the best month for hiring, and with it almost over and only one or two outstanding applications that I haven’t received immediate rejections for, it’s so hard not to feel diminished.

      It looks like you’ve gotten some good advice here – some that I’ll walk away with too. But I just wanted to let you know that someone else is going through it with you this week. I’m sorry that things are so tough out there!

      Reply ↓
  71. anonymouslibrarian*

    I have a manager who I get along really well with; we started around the same time and sort of built our department by ourselves; for several years it was just the two of us and we developed a very collaborative dynamic. We finally got permission to hire another person, and the new hire (new-ish, she’s been here about 6 months) is amazing!
    However, I’ve noticed that my boss is struggling a bit with having a new person (and I’ve noticed in the past that she can be kind of tetchy during periods of big change).

    This is what I’ve seen a few times:
    Boss will ask New Hire to come up with an idea for a workshop, or create an online resource.
    New Hire will come up with an idea, or draft a resource, or whatever. Her ideas are great! With a little feedback and building on them–the kind of collaboration Boss and I always do with each other, they’d be good to go!
    Boss will look at it/listen and get kind of frowny and say something like “hmm, mayyybe, I don’t know.”
    I want to emphasize that her ideas are absolutely in line with what we do, and I feel like if I presented these ideas, Boss would respond positively–still with consideration about whether something will work, but not dismissively.
    I haven’t talked to New Hire about this specifically, but I’ve got the sense that she’s feeling a little demoralized about it. She always takes feedback super well (and on occasion she’s talked through potential ideas with me first, and is always happy to take any suggestions I have), but I know if I was in her position and wasn’t getting any encouragement on any of my ideas, I’d be pretty unhappy.

    So, what do I do? I do have a good relationship with my boss and she’s generally been a pretty reasonable person. Options
    1- talk to boss privately and say something about what I’ve noticed. I just don’t want Boss to end up going to New Hire and saying “anonlibrarian said you were unhappy.”
    2- check in with New Hire and ask how she’s doing. I don’t want to be gossipy but I could mention that Boss sometimes takes awhile to adjust to new situations.
    3- Be super positive whenever Boss is being more negative. If Boss is going “hmm I don’t know,” be like “I think that’s a great idea, what if we add on xyz?”

    Reply ↓
    1. ferrina*

      Option 4-

      (in private meeting) “Hey Boss, I wanted to ask you about New Hire’s idea. I had thought that it was a really good idea, but you seemed to not like it. Can you tell me a little bit more about why it missed the mark- I wasn’t sure what I was missing, and I want to make sure that I’m not doing the same thing in my brainstorming!”

      Boss probably has no idea that she’s doing this. She may not even know that she’s coming across so negatively. If you ask it from a standpoint of how it impacts your work, that may be enough to help her realize that she’s doing it. Then again, maybe there’s something going on that you don’t know about.

      That’s where I would leave it. Continue being a resource for NewHire and be honest with your feedback (be positive where warranted, but don’t try to be overpositive to balance Boss) For Option 2, New Hire will probably figure it out on their own or, again, there may be more at play that you don’t see. And Option 1 has too big a risk of blowing back on either you or NewHire.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rusty Shackelford*

        Yes, and do this for specific incidents. Not “why do you always poo-poo New Hire’s ideas,” but “I thought New Hire’s idea for teapot handles was really good. Mind if I ask what you didn’t like about it?”

        Reply ↓
  72. Yes And*

    I have two direct reports who are… okay. They can execute tasks accurately and timely given step-by-step instructions, and they keep the department’s critical functions flowing. But they have no capacity for or interest in critical thinking, creative problem-solving, process improvements, or exception handling. Anything out of the ordinary requires intervention by me or my stalwart, wonderful department #2. These two employees have no training in our field; they came into the field for the mission, and fell into our line of work by accident. (One of them I hired as the least bad option from a weak candidate pool; the other preceded me.) My #2 is also severely overworked, and the deficiencies of these other two have stymied my efforts to reallocate work.

    My organization is facing a severe budget crunch. I think I could save the org money, *and* relieve my #2’s workload, *and* improve efficiency and accuracy by replacing my two meh employees with one better-paid, better-trained, more experienced person.

    My question is, at what point do I start discussing this idea with #2? I would need them to be fully on board for this plan to work. They are change-averse, which is both good (they temper my tendency to charge full steam ahead, often seeing pain points ahead of time that we can then adjust and control for) and less good (they resist and resist and resist change only to admit it was a good idea once it’s implemented). They also share an office with the two meh employees, and while I trust my #2’s intentions with regard to discretion, I don’t trust their poker face.

    Reply ↓
    1. Amber Rose*

      Do you have reason to believe in a better candidate pool? If I were #2, I’d be concerned you’d end up replacing two meh employees with a singular meh employee.

      Reply ↓
      1. Yes And*

        In my brilliant master plan, that is where the “higher-paid” part comes in. Will it work out that way? I’d love suggestions of resources to find out ahead of time.

        Reply ↓
        1. No name today*

          I was the benefit of just this type of restructuring. They took two entry-level positions and replaced them with one more senior position. The more senior position (ie higher salary) was the one I applied for.

          I believe they went through a process where they got the approval for the restructuring / higher pay/ job title change in advance. Then they shared the restructuring process timeline with the existing entry-level folks and said that they too could apply—but here are the skills/experiences need for the new job.

          One chose to leave, one chose to apply but was not hired.

          They may had the old positions end at the end of their fiscal year so they would be gone before the new person was onboarded in the new fiscal year—but that might have just been a rumor.

          Reply ↓
    2. Rick Tq*

      Have you offered the ‘okay’ direct reports field-specific training? They may only know how to handle routine tasks and don’t have the knowledge or training to do the higher level tasks you expect.

      Reply ↓
    3. TCO*

      I’d discuss this idea with your own boss before raising it with your #2. Do you have the buy-in from your higher-ups that you would need to lay off or transfer these employees and then reshape your department?

      Reply ↓
      1. Yes And*

        I’ve floated it with him, in a “this is something I’m thinking about” kind of way. He was supportive of the idea, though he accepted it in the not-fully-fleshed-out spirit in which I presented it.

        Reply ↓
  73. Lady Lessa*

    I work for a large corporation with multiple sites in the US. I’ve noticed that HR has a quality goal of % turnover. I am curious to know what you’all think about that. The company has 4 major types of employees: Sales and marketing, technical types (like myself and my co-worker who brought this to my attention, support (HR, purchasing, accounting etc. and production -warehouse workers.

    What do you think would be a reasonable turnover overall. (The numbers we saw were not broken down into areas)

    Thank you.

    Reply ↓
    1. Yes And*

      Are these turnover goals maximums or minimums? I think maximum turnover goals are laudable: they’re one of the few concrete tools HR has to measure company culture. I think minimum turnover goals are stupid, often motivated by parsimony (not wanting to let anyone’s salary creep too high from year-over-year adjustments), and are likely to backfire.

      That said, *what* the goal should be is industry-dependent, position-dependent, and level-dependent. My industry (nonprofit) tends to attract ambitious, motivated people, and you can expect entry-level jobs to last two years, while more senior folks tend to stick around. Fundraising has more turnover than marketing, which has more turnover than programming, which has more turnover than administration.

      Reply ↓
        1. Qwerty*

          My last company set an annual goal to retain 85% of employees. We were a growing startup so I don’t know if that is high or low compared to larger orgs. Most startups I’m at have high turnover so it was an attempt to differentiate ourselves and retrain employees as their jobs trained.

          Reply ↓
    2. Sneaky Squirrel*

      I’ve seen 10% – 20% as a pretty normal “healthy” turnover range, but what’s considered acceptable turnover would certainly depend on the job type and how replaceable the skills are. In my field, we are more accommodating towards turnover because it’s expected that people will desire to go back to school. However, we also have roles that require a more specialized, technical mindset, and target a lower turnover for those positions.

      Reply ↓
  74. Marian the NonLibrarian*

    My coworker “Karen” will often make remarks about how quiet I am or say things like “Boss, Manager, and I are loud. Marian is quiet.” She’ll even tell this to random people who enter our area!

    I’m not sure what the point of all of this is, but she’s saying things so frequently, it’s annoying and distracting.

    Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this or what to say to get her to stop?

    Reply ↓
    1. Reba*

      “Karen, could I ask you something? Often you say things that I feel are like analyzing or judging my personality. I’m sure you don’t mean anything negative by it, but I wanted to tell you that it makes me a bit uncomfortable and I feel singled out. Could you try to keep these kinds of thoughts to yourself and not out loud?”

      If you want to soften it, make it sound like a “you” problem, like Oh I am extra sensitive to this, thanks for understanding! If you want to harden it, you could say something like you think it’s inappropriate or it undermine the workplace culture (I feel those are stronger than being personally uncomfortable, I guess?).

      Ugh!

      Reply ↓
    2. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      She thinks she is doing this to diffuse awkwardness. She thinks everybody is supposed to be loud like she & others are. Or she secretly wants to be quiet like you but feels she has to be loud to fit in with boss. Or she’s somehow ashamed on your behalf, or something.

      Of course, it’s having the opposite effect.

      I’d say something along the lines of “Karen, you don’t need to tell people that I’m on the quiet side. I’m sure they can figure that out for themselves. Besides, it doesn’t have anything to do with getting our jobs done, does it? So please drop it.”

      Reply ↓
    3. Ms. Frizzle Found her Sizzle*

      I’ve faced this all my life, and I’ve never tried to get those people to stop (Now I’m wondering why not?) I deal with it by saying in my head “Oh, you weirdo!” in my most tolerant, kind, indulgent voice. I haven’t seen it come from a place of unkindness–some people are just uncomfortable or unsure of how to deal with people who aren’t exactly like them. Some of them have later confessed to being intimidated by me. I start by asking myself “is this just benign nonsense generated by someone who means no harm?” As long as it is, I just move on.

      Reply ↓
    4. Throwaway Account*

      “What an odd thing to comment about.” Use a flat voice that is not upset or even very interested in her or in what you are saying.

      “Your powers of observation are astounding.”

      “You say that often, it must be very important to you.”

      Reply ↓
    5. WFH4VR*

      I’d get a jump on her and start remarking, “Karen, Boss, and Manager talk ALL the time; I don’t know how they get their work done.”

      Reply ↓
      1. CeeDoo*

        That’s the best. It might make the boss mad, if they’re petty. But it’s how I think of things. I’m an introvert and I don’t like being around groups of people. So naturally, I’m a teacher. :/

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  75. biblio*

    Today I have been spying on a co-worker who shares my workspace. When I am away, she works quietly like a normal person. But the moment another person enters the shared space, she becomes as noisy as possible. Stretching while grunting, cracking knuckles, slurping her water, loud sighs, pencil tapping, etc. What gives?

    Reply ↓
    1. Still*

      Maybe she comes from a family where these were pack noises used to acknowledge that you’re sharing space with your fellow humans? I definitely have an instinct to be more performative about my actions when surrounded by people. It sounds really annoying though!

      Reply ↓
    3. WorkerDrone*

      Hm, I know the literal presence of other person (even a silent, completely unobtrusive one) will prevent me from slipping into a deep concentration. I can still concentrate fine, but a portion of my attention will always be aware of another person.

      When I am in a deep concentration, I’m very quiet and focused. I’m not sipping water, stretching, etc. I’m just 100% in my brain.

      When I am not in a deep concentration (when another person is there), then I’m more “normal”. I’ll stretch, sigh, drink water, etc.

      I can easily see how this could be interpreted as me being quiet while alone but as noisy as possible when someone else is there, but it isn’t really a conscious shift or decision.

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    4. Generic Name*

      Dumb question: how do you know she is quiet when you aren’t there? Do you have a recording device set up or something??

      Reply ↓
  76. Christina14*

    Hello! I’m not sure if anyone has experienced this, but I started a new job 10 months ago and I’m having a difficult time with it. This job is a huge learning curve for me, going from an easy receptionist job to being a grant accountant. After 3 months of training (usually you get 6) I was given independent work.

    My coworkers have said it takes 2-3 years to feel ingrained in the job and actually feel comfortable. But as I approach 1 year, I haven’t really felt improvement in my knowledge or skills. I end up dreading work every day and getting so anxious about being responsible for these things, people sending me emails and I have no idea what they mean but everything is urgent. and I’m dropping the ball with a lot of small things… Between ADHD and the busy job, I’m struggling.

    How do you know when a job is actually not right for you, versus when you should stick it out? I’m miserable every day because I don’t know what I’m doing and can’t get the help I need. It sucks because I love the people I work with and the environment is generally good, but I think I just got unlucky in a time with high turnover and I’m really struggling. (I am seeing a therapist for the ADHD and anxiety over the job, so I’ll definitely ask her advice, but I wanted to see if anyone has had similar situations…)

    Reply ↓
    1. Stuart Foote*

      I’ve had similar situations, and generally I’ve been competent at the job (which was easy to see in retrospect but not at the time). Based on what you’ve written this sounds like anxiety and imposter syndrome (unless you’re getting a lot of negative feedback, but since you don’t mention that I assume you are getting positive reviews)

      Reply ↓
  77. FreudOnWheels*

    I just accepted a post-doc position that I am super excited about! However I was also waiting to hear back from another position I interviewed with- it’s not as good of a fit, and I’m going to withdraw my application since I have another offer, but a friend of mine connected me with the director pre-interview. Will this put weird strain on my relationship with my friend? I am also not sure how to reach out to the position that I am declining. Thank you!!

    Reply ↓
    1. Educator*

      Thank everyone! Everyone loves a thoughtful thank you email, and it is a graceful way to withdraw from the process. Thank them for their time with a specific detail about the conversation, let them know you accepted another role, say that you hope to stay in touch. Thank the friend, thank the director, and thank HR if you have access to an email address. (If you don’t have an email, just wait and send this as a reply if they ever follow up.)

      Reply ↓
  78. Melon Merengue*

    I work on a team with a “missing stair” type of coworker who I’ve surely complained about on here before. This person does their very best to do as little as possible and is almost completely disengaged. This has been going on for years, and I don’t understand my boss’ reluctance to deal with the situation firmly. But that’s not my decision to make and I’ve accepted that. The problem is that I’m reaching BEC levels with this person and am afraid I’m going to lash out at them. Things like, “you would know this if you paid even the smallest bit of attention to what’s going on around you” or “good to know you couldn’t be bothered to do the one small thing I asked” or just anything brutally acknowledging that this person avoids working and is a burden on the team. Any tips on how to reframe my thinking? I don’t want to coddle this person or protect them from criticism of their subpar work but I also do not want to be nasty and unprofessional.

    Reply ↓
    1. HonorBox*

      I would try to reframe it if you can. Rather than be annoyed that they aren’t doing what they should be doing or paying attention to things they should, make it a game. When something happens, add to the ongoing count. When you reach a certain number, treat yourself to a coffee, to lunch. If they’re going to be a pain in your side, find a way to celebrate and make it something at least tolerable.

      Reply ↓
  79. Anon for this*

    I’m in the US. A few weeks back I posted about the situation about a bunch of guys who have the same heritage as the owner of where I work. They all got WFH and much more vacation time than other employees, who were not allowed to WFH. Two mature women (60s) asked for hybrid due to chronic medical conditions. HR flatly turned them down. Both women contacted the state labor board about being turned down for their medical accommodations request. Waiting to see what happens. Thank you for all the input. The company has enough employees for all the relevant laws to apply.

    Reply ↓
  80. Jamie Tartt*

    I am writing this post wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on responding to job interview-related phone calls/voicemails with emails. I am very much a “please email me” type of person when it comes to this kind of communication, but I understand that not everyone is. I also have some anxiety about making phone calls. I am presenting two real-life scenarios:

    A few months ago, I got a call from a recruiter I had interviewed with two weeks prior. I didn’t answer because I typically don’t answer calls from unknown numbers unless I’m expecting a call, so they left a voicemail. I had forgotten that I had interviewed with the company and I had to do some digging, and read the transcribed voicemail, to figure out what it was related to and who it was. In the voicemail, the recruiter said he “had an update” but didn’t say what the update was and asked to call him back. I agonized for a little bit and hoped he would just email me so I didn’t have to reach out myself- I have gotten this voicemail before (having an update without going into specifics and asking me to call back) and it was always that they weren’t moving forward with my candidacy. I even asked some family members if it would be okay to email and they insisted that I call. All prior communications with this recruiter had been via email. After a while, I decided to just email the recruiter, telling him I couldn’t talk (which wasn’t technically true) but asking if he could tell me the update via email, and he said exactly what I anticipated- that they weren’t moving forward with my candidacy. As a side note, I did inadvertently dial shortly after the voicemail came and immediately hung up and then got a call back almost immediately, which I just let ring. I probably should have just answered that call but I don’t remember if I knew at that point what the initial call had been about.

    Fast forward to today- I got a call from a recruiter I spoke to earlier this week. The call went straight to voicemail, which stated that they wanted to bring me in for an interview and to call back to schedule. I am waiting to see if she’ll email me, which interviewers commonly do when I don’t answer a call, but I’m also considering just reaching out via email. She originally reached out on LinkedIn to schedule the pre-screen and then sent a calendar invite to my email for the call after I gave her some available times. I think it would be easier if she would email me to ask for my availability and pick within the time frames I name versus potentially going back and forth over times. That said, I am not going to turn down the interview even though I’m not in favor of the method of communication. I just haven’t decided if I’m going to email or call.

    What are everyone’s thoughts on both situations? And the general idea of emailing as a response to a call/voicemail?

    Reply ↓
    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      The recruiters are trying to close their task lists. And a quick phone call to get an interview scheduled gets that task done for them, which probably feeds into their quotas and may even influence bonuses. So their incentive is to do it NOW, not sometime in the next n days. Hence their desire to do it with a phone call, where they have more control over the timing.

      They aren’t doing this to you to get under your skin, they are doing it because it’s their interests to get the loop closed.

      Secondarily, in case (2) they probably feel the need to encourage you for the next step of the process – again, because they get evaluated and paid on it. And it’s hard to judge enthusiasm and provide encouragement through email, as opposed to live voice.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jamie Tartt*

        That makes sense about the bonuses for the second case. I’m not sure how it would matter for a case in which I wasn’t selected for further consideration. In fact, if they wanted to close the loop in the first case, it would be better to either email me or deliver the news via voicemail if I didn’t answer. The only thing I can think of is that maybe he (and others) felt it was more polite to tell me directly, but the way I see it is that I can choose not to respond to an email or voicemail that tells me the decision. When the news is delivered to me on a phone call, I have to respond to it. And while I rarely get upset about job rejection anymore, there are plenty of people who would get upset and would have to hold it back. At least if someone gets upset over an email/voicemail, they don’t have to act gracious about it in the moment.

        I don’t think they’re doing it to get under my skin. I just strongly prefer email and am wondering if there’s anything inappropriate about responding to a call with an email.

        To your last point, I think that agreeing to schedule the interview means that there is some mutual interest there. It’s not likely that anything would happen in this conversation that would make feel feel less or more encouraged about it. I think enthusiasm should be judged at the actual interview. Then again, most of the time, recruiters/hiring managers simply email me to share updates or to schedule interviews. At least that’s been the case for about the past decade or so.

        Reply ↓
    2. Reba*

      I definitely feel it’s ok to respond to a call with an email – sometimes preferable, like if you have info that needs to be shared really clearly or whatever.

      But in this specific instance, I think it will be better and faster to call the recruiter to schedule.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jamie Tartt*

        One thing I was thinking is that I typically ask the recruiter how to dress for the interview. While this can be done either way, I definitely feel more comfortable asking via email.

        Reply ↓
        1. Jamie Tartt*

          ETA: I’m also assuming that she’ll send me a calendar invite and/or an email with an address and maybe some instructions on how to get into the building. I’m not saying that this would affect any decision I made, but I think that means it makes more sense to communicate via email anyway.

          Reply ↓
    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      In general, I think that if you want the job, your best bet is to respond to the recruiter in a way that is fairly convenient to them. Ignoring their call in the hopes that they’ll email you instead is kind of like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hlao-roo*

        Yeah, I think the following response methods can be ranked in this order:

        Best – respond to recruiter phone call with a phone call

        Meh – respond to recruiter phone call with an email (ex. “hey, I got your voicemail saying that you wanted to bring my in for an interview. It’s easier for me to schedule over email.”)

        Worst – don’t respond to recruiter phone call and wait for them to email you (the recruiter might assume you’re not interested anymore and move on to other, responsive candidates)

        Reply ↓
        1. Hlao-roo*

          That’s ranked by “best for the recruiter.” Obviously a phone call isn’t best for Jamie Tartt, so the “best for all involved” response method in this case might be “respond to recruiter phone call with an email.”

          Reply ↓
          1. Jamie Tartt*

            I figured that your ranking was by presumed recruiter preference/best interest of the candidate. I agree that it’s generally best to respond via the method by which you were contacted, but this is more about whether it’s a bad thing to respond to the call with an email.

            Reply ↓
        2. Jamie Tartt*

          I’m not going to wait forever for the email. I do plan to respond by EOD today, whether they email me or not.

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    4. ecnaseener*

      Basically, you disagree about which contact method is easier. Unless you’re highly sought-after, it’s probably in your best interests to make it easy for them to reach you. But it’s all about what level of risk you’re comfortable with.

      Reply ↓
    5. Sneaky Squirrel*

      I would be wary that choosing email when the recruiter asks you to return a call could give the optics of someone who is avoidant of phone calls. If I’m interested in the job, I try to match the recruiter’s preferred method of communication. However, if I missed the voicemail and couldn’t respond until after normal business hours or the weekend, I might email instead because I want to respect the recruiter’s time.

      Reply ↓
    6. AvonLady Barksdale*

      If I were hiring for a position and left a message asking someone to call me, the lack of response would not lead me to email. It would either lead me to try calling again– presumably because I have an update or issue I want to discuss in real time, and perhaps I have questions that will be based on the conversation– or assuming the candidate wasn’t interested and wasn’t polite.

      Scheduling between people who don’t have access to each other’s calendars is often easiest to do via phone. “Hey, what time works best for you on Tuesday? No? How about Thursday?” Calendly works too, but some people don’t know how to use it or prefer not to.

      Everyone has communication preferences, and that’s fine. You can state your preferences, but don’t assume another person will guess, and don’t assume another person will be ok with them. If you’re looking for a job and the recruiter has a job you want, respond to the recruiter in the way they request.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jamie Tartt*

        If I were hiring for a position and left a message asking someone to call me, the lack of response would not lead me to email.
        When a recruiter/hiring manager has called and I didn’t answer, I’ve had a mix of them both emailing me and not emailing me. That said, in almost every instance I can think of for the former, they’ve emailed me relatively quickly.

        Scheduling between people who don’t have access to each other’s calendars is often easiest to do via phone.

        I respectfully disagree with that. Email allows both parties to answer as is convenient for them, especially when they’re working. A phone call can be distracting for a candidate who is working, which is often the case. Also, in the case where the candidate is working at the office, he/she has to get up from his/her desk and find a place to take the call where his/her coworkers won’t potentially overhear the conversation. I guess they could theoretically have the phone call at their desk but I personally would want to take that call in a place that was 100% private. I do, however, agree with your point about Calendly and would say that I prefer that over both email and phone, at least for initial interviews.

        Reply ↓
    7. Insert Pun Here*

      I mean, if someone is considering you for a job and you want that job and they ask you to do something completely reasonable and normal (make a phone call), then you should make the phone call. If you genuinely can’t get away from your desk I think it’s fine to email after hours and explain that, but try to give the person enough info that they can close the loop without a lot of email back and forth (which is likely what they’re trying to avoid with a phone call.)

      Reply ↓
      1. Jamie Tartt*

        Update: I did end up calling, before I saw this comment, and there was some back and forth that I felt could have been cleared up over email. The comment about getting up from my desk doesn’t apply to my current situation as I work mostly from home, rather it was more about why I disagreed that a phone call was better than email to schedule. As far as whether I “want” the job, I don’t think I know enough about it to definitively say one way or another, but I would say that I don’t not want the job. In other words, I’m interested enough to find out more, but until I do, I can’t tell you whether or not I “want” it.

        Reply ↓
        1. Insert Pun Here*

          I mean, yes, scheduling CAN be done over email. But it often takes several back and forths. That may not be a big deal to you (you’re only scheduling one thing) but a huge hassle to the recruiter (who’s probably trying to schedule multiple candidates.)

          You’re allowed to decide that an insistence on phone calls (or, indeed, any other thing) is a dealbreaker for you. But it’s a very, very normal ask, and for very good reasons.

          Reply ↓
          1. Jamie Tartt*

            I never said it was a dealbreaker, and was sure to point out that it wasn’t. But it’s pretty simple.

            Recruiter emails: “We would like to interview you. Please provide a list of times you are available next week (or between day x and day y).”
            Candidate: Responds with times within that time frame.
            Recruiter: Sends email with proposed day and time, with or without calendar invite
            Candidate: confirms day and time

            Or even better:

            Recruiter emails: “We would like to interview you. We have the following days and times available.” Then names days and times.
            Candidate: Picks day and time from that list.
            Recruiter: Confirms day and time.

            Not a lot of back and forth in either scenario. Plus, about 99% of the time, the recruiter will email you anyway with a calendar invite and, for in-person interviews, a location along with maybe some instructions for when you arrive. So why not start with the email anyway? But, as I said, I get that different people have different preferences. Neither is objectively right or wrong.

            Reply ↓
    8. PhoneOnly*

      In my experience, recruiters require phone calls. If they email or leave voicemail, it will only be to call them. They only discuss actual details/info by phone.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jamie Tartt*

        We must have two different experiences because about 90% of communication I have with recruiters/hiring managers is through email. At least that’s been the case in the last decade.

        Reply ↓
  81. Anon Today*

    I work for a small state agency and just realized one of my direct reports has added a bible verse to their email signature. They are a newer transfer, but close to retirement. We are also in a solid red state that includes legislation that’s certainly blurred the speration of church and state in some cases.

    How bad is it if I take the path of least resistance and say that our Branding team made it clear that email signatures should not include personalization like images and quotes? It’s true and while some customization regarding WFH schedules or similar is allowed – I’d be having the same conversation if it was a quote from Gandi or MLK. I just wouldn’t have my same feelings “You should know better” behind it. Thoughts about just taking the path of least resistance?

    Reply ↓
    2. Rick Tq*

      Just go with the branding requirements when you order them to remove the verse. That way you can correctly say this is viewpoint-neutral so their claiming a First Amendment right to have it doesn’t apply.

      If they don’t comply are you willing to start disciplinary proceedings, even if they are close to retirement?

      Reply ↓
  82. moql*

    For my curiosity, how often is cleaning done in your typical office environment, and by who?

    We higher a contractor to do ours 4x/week, and they’re supposed to vacuum everything, empty all trash, and clean bathrooms. They are consistent with the bathrooms, but slipping on everything else so I’ve just been doing mine as needed, but it’s a bit alloying that they’re being paid to do something that isn’t getting done. When our point person lets them know about issues they will shape up for a week or two but then start slipping again. Is this normal?

    Reply ↓
    1. Spreadsheet Queen*

      Yes, it’s absolutely normal. You hire a new crew and they do great for awhile, then slip over time. Just keep your point person in loop when things aren’t done, and let them handle it. (I’ll also say that it does help if there is someone in your office who works late on some of the evenings the cleaners are supposed to come. They know someone will be there to notice if they never vacuum, so they’re better about doing it. And if they aren’t. Work late person can tell the point person…)

      Reply ↓
    2. HonorBox*

      We have 2x/week by an outside contractor. There are times when we have to ask for more specific and detailed things – a full, deep cleaning of floors beyond vacuum and sweeping – but they’re pretty consistent. I will say that floors can be a bit of a challenge, and freely admit that’s on us, not on them. We don’t always make it easy to vacuum, just based on how our desks and other office furnishing are put into our offices.

      Reply ↓
    3. Rara Avis*

      The mess created by 525 medium-sized humans is not insignificant, so we have custodial staff 5 days a week, and 1 or 2 on-site for weekend events. They do bathrooms and trash every day, and vacuum on a rotating schedule so that each room gets done once or twice a week. They are employees, not contractors.

      Reply ↓
    4. Generic Name*

      I think it depends on the size and resources of the company. Current company is huge, tens of thousands of employees, very successful. There are several full-time folks in my building who do daily cleaning during the workday, and a whole crew of folks who show up at the end of the work day to vacuum and other more “disruptive” cleaning every day. It’s great, and everything is sparkling at all times. :) Former company was a few dozen people, razor-thin margins. When I first started, the accountant was paid a bit extra to empty trash cans and vacuum/scrub toilets (really). Then the company hired an outside contractor to come in after hours to clean. While the trash cans did get emptied, I cannot verify if they did anything else. The carpet in my office was offensively filthy when I left (I actually found a vacuum and vacuumed it myself my last day because I didn’t want to leave grossness for the next person).

      Reply ↓
  83. flotty*

    You have a job where you don’t have to be staring at a computer screen for more than 3 hours/day. Your job has some physical activity, but isn’t back-breaking like steelworking. You make enough money and have decent benefits to support yourself and a spouse in the greater NY Metro Area. What is your job?

    Reply ↓
    4. TCO*

      Transit operator? I’m not sure what that pays in NYC, but in my city the pay and benefits are pretty good, there are promotion opportunities, and right now they’re offering hiring bonuses.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hlao-roo*

        I was curious and the MTA website says that bus driver pay in NYC starts at $26.19/hour (roughly $55,000/year) and after six years is $37.42/hour (roughly $78,000/year). There are also “night and weekend pay differentials” so it sounds like the opportunity to make more money if you have night/weekend shifts.

        Reply ↓
    5. EMP*

      skilled nursing (RN + specialization) can pay really well, but obviously it takes a lot to get there and it’s a tough job

      Reply ↓
    7. AvonLady Barksdale*

      If “some physical activity” includes walking between client sites… sales. I used to work in a position adjacent to media sales in NYC; several of the account directors had spouses who didn’t work. The really good ones were constantly out on client calls. Sometimes there was screen-staring but the really senior execs barely read their own email. The trick is, you have to be willing to work for a giant corp, you have to be really good at your job, and you have to understand that your job includes a lot of client entertainment.

      Reply ↓
      1. Meaningful hats*

        Lol, I work in event management and that description is not my reality, at least. On event days I’m away from my computer, sure, but most of the actual work I do is at a desk on a screen. And my pay is on-par with what I could make working at some local fast food places, if fast food gave full time hours.

        Reply ↓
      2. The Prettiest Curse*

        Unless they are working at a big event venue like Madison Square Garden and constantly working events, probably not. And the whole event life cycle except for get in/get out and the actual event involves a lot of desk work. The pay generally isn’t great either.

        Reply ↓
    9. A Significant Tree*

      If outside physical activity is okay, what about land/property surveying? Something in parks and rec? Building security?

      Reply ↓
    10. Generic Name*

      Working on the floor of the stock exchange? I’m sure there’s some computer time, but I always see pictures of people standing up waving their arms and yelling on the floor.

      Reply ↓
  84. Question for the Librarians*

    I apologize in advance if this question is too niche to be considered “work related”

    For my fellow librarians: If you print your own spine labels, how do you do it? My department’s dot matrix/tractor feed printers have been on their last legs for a while now. I’m trying to plan ahead and have something ready for when the last one finally goes.

    If there’s a way to print spines without needing to run a report or a batch print that would be the most ideal.

    Reply ↓
    1. KatCardigans*

      I’m at a school library, so almost certainly too small-scale to be useful here! But I’ll still chime in as a data point. We use Avery sticker labels, which can go in the school’s standard laser printers. Our library software (Follett Destiny) has a particular report you run for printing spine/pocket labels, but I don’t find it to be an onerous process for the most part. For protection, we then cover the paper label with a clear label for nonfiction (our book provider includes tons of clear labels with each book shipment) or a Demco translucent colored label to indicate genre in our fiction section.

      Reply ↓
  85. MB*

    Anyone have advice for feeling insecure leading up to maternity leave?

    We’re in the process of finding a temp to cover me, which is great so my team doesn’t have too much extra on their plate while I’m out, but it’s making me so insecure thinking that if someone can learn how to do my job in a few weeks maybe I’m not very good at it, or worrying that they’ll be better at it than me! I’m not worried about actually being let go or replaced, and everyone at work is very supportive it’s more just the irrational emotional side of it all

    Reply ↓
    1. Throwaway Account*

      Alison always says that when you do a temp role like that, you are doing the daily tasks but you are NOT doing the bigger picture thinking or steering the ship part of the role.

      The person is NOT learning your whole job in a few weeks. They are just learning enough to START to keep the ship floating.

      Reply ↓
    2. CallYourMother*

      Stop the spiral and send it the other way. What if the opposite happens? What if your company learns how valuable you are?

      I always turn to data – part of the reason parental leave should be supported is…it saves companies time, money, and expertise. When companies don’t offer parental leave, they lose employees, which means they have to hire and train, which costs money and time.

      As an aside – congratulations! Becoming a mom/parent is wonderfully/horribly/excitingly life-changing. Professionally, becoming a parent made me a BETTER employee, coworker, and boss. Many parenting trends align, interestingly, with leadership trends e.g. emphasis on eq, communication, etc. Wishing you all the best – a safe delivery, a healthy baby, and a quick recovery. (check out kellymom.com if you are interested in breastfeeding and remember sleeping through the night is defined as 12AM-5AM lol)

      Reply ↓
    3. KatCardigans*

      My boss is currently working on figuring out my own maternity leave coverage, so I hear you. It may sound dismissive, but for me it’s actually most helpful to just be like “wow, that is an irrational thought! Stupid hormones.” Is it actually hormones vs. anxiety vs. legit worry? I don’t know. But blaming the hormones makes me feel less at fault for feeling insecure.

      One thing I found comforting after my first child was born is that coworkers aren’t stupid, and they know the drill. They KNOW why you’re out, and they know the replacement person is temporary. If that person is fabulous, maybe that will help them get their foot in the door elsewhere in the company! But everybody knows it’s your job, and from their perspective, you don’t need to defend it.

      Congratulations!

      Reply ↓
    4. EMP*

      I was SO STRESSED about this!! I was thinking all the time about how they’d see how I wasn’t critical to the team and how much better so and so would be at my work. 1) once the baby was here, I was so focused on the baby I forgot all about my work anxiety 2) everyone was so nice when I got back 3) I wound up starting a job search while I was on leave anyway, and parted ways very amicably and with an easy transition since I just didn’t pick a lot of my role back up in the few months I was back.

      Reply ↓
  86. Lucy P*

    What is the appropriate way to handle a wayward contractor? The company I work for is doing a large scale renovation project. It was supposed to take 6 months, but by the time it’s done it will be more likely 26-28 months. Most of that delay can be attributed to the contractor, a sole proprietor.

    The contract was supposed to be milestone based, but the contractor ran out of capital early on. From that point forward, the company had to advance the contractor funds in order to purchase materials, pay subcontractors, etc.

    A few of the noted problems:
    1. For reasons unknown (or unjustified) weeks can go by without any significant progress. Sometimes the contractor says that they can’t find anyone to do the work. Other times, the contractor goes out of town on personal business and can’t be reached. For example, last week we had perfect weather to do outdoor construction work. Instead of getting work done, the contractor was out of town for most of the week. This week, as had been predicted for several weeks in advance, we had a major freeze and work couldn’t be done. Since Christmas, there have been less than 5 of the contractor’s workers on the job site with very little work done.
    2. The contractor, after receiving advances, often goes out of town. It’s something my boss and I have both noted. Right before Christmas, the contractor got an advance. The amount of work done to date does not justify the amount of advanced paid. On top of that, once the contractor got back to town last week, they started asking for future advances.
    3. The contractor is often lousy at communicating, unless they feel the need to defend themselves. I’ve been emailing/texting them since last Friday with no response. Also, we’ve asked the contractor many times for a completion time table as well as a schedule of when funds will be needed. Usually we receive the info only 2-3 days in advance.
    4. The contractor throws the equivalent of a tantrum when they don’t get their way. For example, they had bid on doing extra work. Their down payment terms were over 45% of the quoted price. We complained about such a high upfront payment. This went back and forth for several weeks. Finally, we gave up and found someone else with better terms. Now the contractor is aggravated and demanding certain things and has admitted that they’re mad at us for them losing the work.
    5. Bad workmanship on the part of the contractor and/or their subs is causing problems, creating the need for rework, and delaying other contractors that we’ve hired.

    I haven’t liked the way my boss handles things. They’ve left the bad behavior to go on for so long. They have a tendency to yell at the contractor over things that don’t need to be yelled, like insignificant statements the contractor makes vs the actual problems going on around us. My boss uses this “blowing smoke up your bum” tactic to try to induce the contractor to action, and encourages me to do the same, but I’ve never seen it actually work. When the contractor is at their worst, my boss gets all blustery and comes on strong, only to back off on their threats in the end.

    This week and next, the contractor is mine alone to handle. Honestly, left up to me, I would have fired them long ago.

    Other than keep writing to this person, documenting the lack of work and the lack of communication, what are some other steps that I could reasonably take?

    Reply ↓
    1. Rusty Shackelford*

      It’s probably too late for this, but your contract should have a penalty for late completion of the entire project.

      Reply ↓
    2. TCO*

      This is madness. If your boss isn’t willing to fire this contractor, I don’t know what else you can really accomplish.

      Reply ↓
    3. CeeDoo*

      I wonder if the contractor has an addiction of some kind, like gambling. Sounds like they’re using the advance funds to fund their out of town trips, and not putting that money toward workers or materials. If you can document the parts of your contract that he is not completing, you can threaten to sue him (if you have lawyer money). If he’s producing shoddy work, it seems like that would be a breach of contract. You can also double check if he’s using the appropriate quality of materials. Contractors have a long and storied reputation of buying inferior materials, then the customer doesn’t find out until something catastrophic happens.

      Reply ↓
      1. Lucy P*

        Could be an addiction, could just be a misuse of funds (like funding personal vacations, buying items for personal use, etc). Either way, initiating anything legal is outside of my job scope.

        I was more interested in what I should actually do for the next couple of weeks while my boss is out of the office.

        Reply ↓
    4. Victor WembanLlama*

      It’s shocking that your boss hasn’t fired the guy yet. Honestly for the next two weeks I would try to have as little involvement as possible with him, other than just document what he is or isnt’ doing.

      Reply ↓
    5. Antilles*

      The steps you could reasonably take are simply to document the hell out of everything. Everything. If you speak verbally, you send a “based on our call earlier…” email. If you have deadlines for the next two weeks, send a reminder email listing off your deadlines so it’s clear you did your job. Beyond that, your boss really needs to be addressing this. Almost every single item you’ve listed would by itself justify “fire the contractor for this bullet point alone, even ignoring the rest of the post”.
      Also just for the record: I’m laughing at the boss’ strategy of trying to yell to get the contractor moving. Bluster only works if you have a threat to leverage, the power to back that threat up, and the willingness to use that power. Of course it’s not working! He surely has figured out by now that you don’t have the authority to discipline him and your boss doesn’t have the spine to do so.

      Reply ↓
    6. A Significant Tree*

      You could ask for the receipts of what he did with the advances already paid, but even if he supplied them they’d likely be fiction. It’d be useful to build an internal cost benefit analysis to show your boss though – a timeline of advances that have been paid and what progress was made (or not made) and what fixes were required. Your boss has to see this is a sunk cost fallacy situation (it really does sound like it!) and decide it’s better to dump this guy now or risk shelling out advances indefinitely for no return.

      Also, I don’t know what kind of authority you have, but in a similar situation, we ended up cutting the contractor entirely out of the money loop and paying the subcontractors directly. Sounds like you have at least one sub doing work outside of this guy’s purview – he may be mad about it but what’s he going to do that he isn’t already? Hold up progress? Be unpleasant and uncommunicative?

      Reply ↓
  87. Stuff*

    I just had to have the “What do we do if immigration enforcement agents come into our office looking to see student records” conversation with my student assistants at work today, and emphasize they aren’t to deal with ICE, they are to immediately get a full time staff member. Last thing I want is my predominately international student staff put in a position to have to interact with ICE in any sort of capacity, and since our policy is they get no cooperation without a court order (and then only exactly what the court order requires and nothing more), that interaction could rapidly turn confrontational.

    I hate that I have to even think about this kind of stuff, now.

    Reply ↓
    1. CeeDoo*

      I teach math to students who don’t have proficiency in English (the current label is Emerging Bilingual, but it’s the same as ESL). A few have already left the country. It breaks my heart,

      Reply ↓
    2. HiddenT*

      One of my coworkers is an immigrant who lives in a major US city (we’re all remote and many of my coworkers aren’t in the US at all) and she’s been messaging me about how terrified she is of the ICE raids. I’m being a sympathetic ear as much as possible, but she said she’s debating whether she should leave the country. She’s white-passing and European, so she’s less likely to be targeted (which is a whole other issue), but I very much understand her fear.

      Reply ↓
    3. Lemons*

      I have no proof of this, but I believe I had an encounter with ICE posing as FBI. I was sitting on a porch my apartment shared with some graduate school kids’ apartment. These kids never spoke English at home. Two khaki-clad men with manilla folders approached me, asking about my neighbors. They showed no ID (it didn’t occur to me to ask until later), and only said they were FBI after I was cagey about talking to them. I couldn’t make out the seal on the letterhead in their folders, but there was one. I refused to give them any info about my neighbors or myself, and they left, saying something to the effect of “tell your neighbor the FBI was looking for them” which…really doesn’t feel very FBI of them. This was a few years ago, but worth people knowing about.

      Reply ↓
  88. JustaTech*

    Need a gut check:
    It feels like there is a baseline inequality between an employer and employee when the (salaried, exempt) employee is expected to be online checking email and possibly even doing work most nights and weekends (with and without specific project or business needs) but is also not allowed to work remotely during business hours for anything other than a super rare emergency (like a snowstorm).

    I’m not asking if this is fair, because 1) life isn’t fair and 2) it’s obviously not. I’m asking if this is normal, if this is productive, and how to tell if this is a power play by senior managers.

    Reply ↓
    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      Might be normal in some fields.

      Some of this is a power play for the sake of the power play. Depending on the industry, it can also be a power play/hazing ritual that senior managers went through when *they* were younger, and they think it’s the only way to toughen up the employees or satisfy the customers.

      Reply ↓
    2. Sola Lingua Bona Lingua Mortua Est*

      It’s normal in IT/Development, although the hostility to remote is going to vary from employer to employer.

      Reply ↓
      1. JustaTech*

        It’s science/pharma, so everyone is on-site most days for lab work, but have had all permission to do non-lab work remotely, even on a once-a-month basis, completely rescinded.
        It’s just this attitude of “you may not work from home but you *must* work from home” is exhausting and feels like a power play/ is directed at people who have outside obligations that require them to leave the office at a specific time (ie, family care).

        Reply ↓
    3. Eleri*

      I used to be a higher education IT service manager, and it was expected/normal that I (or my team) be available for emergencies after hours – but we had monitoring systems in place to alert us, so we didn’t really need to be checking email – and certainly not doing actual work outside the emergency. What you are describing does not sound normal. It sounds like a power play by crappy managers. I also don’t think it’s productive. You need time to relax – and I think it’s even more productive to step away from work for a while so your brain can problem solve more effectively. I’ve done a lot of problem solving when I’ve been “switched off” and not thinking about something for a while – you can only stare at something for so long before your brain refuses to work on it.

      Reply ↓
  89. KeinName*

    Low key question: how does on make a „reaction“ in Outlook? And WHY??
    We use outlook for emails, and I keep getting back an email saying „Person has responded with … to your message“.
    I never see the … (guess my outlook doesn’t have emoji). So these emails are especially pointless.
    Recently someone thanked me for getting them a job, I responded sincerely, and I got this same thing back. What’s going on? And what system are they using that encourages use of „reactions“?

    Reply ↓
    1. Spacewoman Spiff*

      My Outlook has a little smiley face emoji in the menu bar for each email (next to “reply”, “reply all.” Do you have an older version of Outlook–maybe that’s why you don’t see this option or the reactions, outside those emails?

      Reply ↓
    2. Hlao-roo*

      Copy/pasted from the “Reactions in Microsoft Outlook” webpage:

      Reactions are only available to individuals using a work or school account in Outlook with a qualifying Microsoft 365 subscription.

      Reactions only fully work when the reactor and the sender of the email both have Exchange Online mailboxes. If the sender of the email is not on Exchange Online, then the reaction will be sent in the form of a fallback email instead. Reactions feature also works for users belonging to different organizations within Exchange Online.

      If you’re getting full emails and can’t see the emoji, it’s probably because you’re not using Exchange Online.

      Some people at my work “react” to emails. I can see the emojis (it’s always been a thumbs up so far in my case). I think it’s an easy way to convey “I have received your message” when there’s nothing substantial to respond to (like answering a question) and they don’t want to type out “I have received your message” when they can click a button and send a “thumbs up” emoji instead.

      I don’t have the option to “react” to emails in the version of Outlook that I use, but I often “react” to text messages with a thumbs up so I can see the appeal.

      Reply ↓
    3. Rara Avis*

      It’s a new feature that showed up after an update last year some time. For me, I can see if I have any reactions with a red number on the icon of a bell in the upper right corner of my outlook screen. I actually like it because a quick thumbs up can serve as an acknowledgment of a message without having to add to an email chain. I can react to a received email using a smiley face icon that appears on the upper right within the email itself.

      Reply ↓
  90. Sad Engineer Mom*

    I’m thinking about a career pivot, but I don’t know what I’d pivot to. Through happenstance, my first job in industry was operations, which typically requires on-call or shift work. I did shift work, then did on-call. My current role didn’t initially have on-call, but my manager dinged me for “clock-watching” for my review because I… have to leave to pick up my son from daycare. We had a conversation about it, and it’s clear he expects me to work longer hours. Our company is at the weird startup stage where we have important things that run 24/7 but don’t have the staff to support that. When I started, we didn’t have the Important Things yet, so work-life balance was better.

    I don’t want to do on-call. I want to leave work at work. I’m burned out and making mistakes. I barely squeaked a “meets expectations”. My grand boss has 4 kids and a SAHW and is deeply unsympathetic that my husband and I both work. Unsure how I’ll do interviewing because what even are my skills??

    Are there recruiters or someone who will help you figure out what you should do next? Or are they like real estate agents and you can look up things online. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply ↓
    1. Hlao-roo*

      Can you move back to shift work? I’m assuming shift work means “leave work at work,” but maybe it doesn’t, or maybe it comes with undesirable side-effects like lower pay.

      Unsure how I’ll do interviewing because what even are my skills??

      Can you access your previous reviews for this job? Ignore the ding for “clock-watching” and look at all of the other things in your review. There should (hopefully) be skills and accomplishments documented there. If not, write a list of everything you do every day for a week. Even the small, routine stuff that seems easy. That should help show you that yes, you do have skills. And it will make it easier to update your resume.

      You could try looking for jobs at large, established companies. Some will require/expect long hours, but some will be well-staffed and have no issue with you leaving on-time every day (I work for one of those now–the building regularly empties out at the end of the day with only a few exceptions).

      Reply ↓
    2. ferrina*

      There technically are career coaches, but my experience with them has been that they are more the “where does your passion lie?” type and less the “what can you realistically do that meets your needs?”.

      A couple thoughts-
      -Get out of this current company. It sounds awful. Startups have a particular type of problematic that they can be prone to, and this one seems to have seriously bought into a toxic culture.
      -Look for a larger or more established company. Those are more likely to have better staffing and more regular schedules (also you can more easily screen for cultures that are made for churn and burn overwork.)
      -Do your own informational interviews. What skills do you currently have? What roles could that translate into? What are those roles like?
      -Yes, you have skills. It’s just articulating those skills that are difficult. Take a few hours and get yourself into a relaxed state where you can brag about how awesome you are (I find that a glass of wine helps). Make notes on all the amazing skills that you have and all the great accomplishments you’ve done. This will be the foundation for your resume.
      It may feel weird to be proud of what you’ve done. That’s okay- let it be weird and keep being proud. We’ve all worked with that incompetent person who bragged so much that they fell up- instead of letting that person succeed, be equally proud of your accomplishments and be the competent person that gets hired up. (on behalf of your future coworkers, we will appreciate working with you instead of the incompetent person).

      Just start looking around, and walk away from any place that gives you the ick. It’s really empowering to withdraw from the job search process- you can be picky and clear on what you want. It will take a while to find it, but it is so, so worth it.
      Good luck!

      Reply ↓
  91. Not a Giraffe*

    There is a well-known local person I follow on social who made the move a while back from one industry to an adjacent one that actually aligns fairly closely with my own. They announced the job change to their followers at the time. Ever since then, I’ve thought… I’d love to apply there someday. I do think my resume is a decent enough fit that I’d likely get an interview, and I also know this person respects my current industry/employer. Anyway, I keep thinking about reaching out via social (private message, not public comment) or finding their work email online, and sending a note/cover letter and resume, just introducing myself as a person with a similar skillset and interests who’d be interested in joining his team sometime in the future. Is this a thing? Bad idea?

    Reply ↓
    1. Formerly Not a Giraffe, Now Flying Squirrel, to Avoid Giraffe Conflict*

      Oh my God, I can’t believe I picked someone else’s avatar name (almost). I’m sorry! That was a total accident. Pretend I am something else. Flying Squirrel.

      Reply ↓
  92. Falling Diphthong*

    Giving a primal scream to every piece of software that now opens with a pop-up assuring me that I can use its AI assistant.

    It’s not a coincidence the coders decided “What if we embodied all of the annoyance of a persistent pop-up ad?”

    Reply ↓
    2. WFH4VR*

      I am ready to set Adobe on fire and launch it into a volcano. I JUST WANT TO READ THE PDF DOCUMENT, not talk to it!

      Reply ↓
      2. JustaTech*

        Thank you YES!
        All that dang AI thing does is get in the way of my ability to navigate the document!

        Does no one remember how much everyone hated Clippy? We’ve all already done the “AI assistant” in our business software and it was a literal joke for much of the late 90’s early 00’s.

        Reply ↓
        1. Falling Diphthong*

          I bet that’s it. The young people on the bleeding edge of tech are too young to remember Clippy, and so think this is a good idea.

          (It is worth googling Clippy Must Die to hear the other comedians on Wait Wait explain to Paula Poundstone “Who is Clippy?” It is heartfelt.)

          Reply ↓
        2. The Prettiest Curse*

          Now that Clippy is no longer a thing, I have Clippy nostalgia and occasionally send the Clippy GIFs that are available in Teams, even though I hated Clippy back when it showed up all the time. Maybe we’ll feel the same way about AI assistants some day!

          Reply ↓
    3. Zona the Great*

      I’m so glad to hear from you, Falling Dipthong. There was a very gross comment made the other day by a troll who used the name, “Failing Dipthong” and it was so off-putting that I knew it was not you who said it and, like, accidently misspelled your user name.

      Reply ↓
    4. Falling Diphthong*

      Huh.

      Google may have heard my rants–I just checked and now if I ask “What is Avogardro’s number?” (something I needed some background on a few weeks ago, and its top result AI summary answer of “Here is a number similar to that, which if you know nothing about it might seem pretty plausible!” was not a one-off error) it gives the Wikipedia entry as the top result. And then Britannica. And no AI summary.

      Reply ↓
    5. Yes And*

      Microsoft Word now has an AI cursor following me around on every document, and I cannot turn it off. (I found instructions on how to do it. They are incorrect.)

      As some wit on the Internet said: I want AI to do my laundry so that I can make art. I don’t want AI to make art so that I can do my laundry.

      Reply ↓
      1. Caramel & Cheddar*

        If it’s in your own personal subscription to Office 365, you can go to the subscription area of your account, cancel it, and then as part of the cancellation process they’ll ask if you want to switch to a different plan. One of the options is Office 365 Personal/Family (Classic) and that version doesn’t have the AI, plus it’s a couple bucks cheaper per month. I turned switched this morning.

        Reply ↓
          1. Falling Diphthong*

            Because those instructions from Microsoft on how to turn it off? Like Yes And says, do not actually work.

            “No one puts Clippy in the corner.”

            Reply ↓
        2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Double-check your dates though — I just did this, and it won’t actually switch me to the Classic plan until the end of my current subscription in May. :P

          Reply ↓
    6. having the job search blues*

      When you’re looking around at linkedin, it asks if you want to subscribe to linkedin premium so ai can help you. Absolutely not.

      Reply ↓
    7. Qwerty*

      My apologies, I accidentally said “I miss Clippy” as a joke on 11/11 at 11:11am last year and we’ve been inundated with Clippy-wannabes ever since

      Reply ↓
      1. Falling Diphthong*

        Oh FSM bless you.

        Who out there was saying “I want to know this physical constant, but I don’t care if it’s correct”?

        Reply ↓
  93. cncx*

    I am starting a new job and my cat is has end stage kidney disease and is living on borrowed time. I expect my cat to die within the year, and I live alone. I don’t feel comfortable with cat sitters except for one of my friends because of Reasons. I also like, want to be with my cat because I won’t have him much longer and I really don’t want him to die alone at home or die and my friends find him.

    There is a travel component to this job about 2-3 times a month which will range from 1.5 to 4 hours away. One of the cities 1.5 hours away I will need to go to the most often is one I supercommuted from for almost a year. My new boss knows I did that specific commute daily. I agreed to the travel when I signed.

    For some of the routine two day trips to the city 1.5 hours away, my coworkers spend the night, but assuming there are no evening activities I would like to go home where I can, even if that means losing sleep. Like I will take the hit of getting home at ten pm and leaving at five am the next day a couple times a month. My one friend who does cat sit for me is plugged in for all the trips I know are mandatory evenings and overnights (the cities four hours away) , but I don’t know how to communicate without it being A Thing that if we’re just working (no conference no client meetings) out of the city 1.5 hours away my preference is to sleep at home. I also don’t know how to say without being crude that this may be a non issue sooner rather than later (I don’t expect my cat to make it to next January). Finally, on paper I am extremely schedule flexible (no kids or family) and what is quirky now about wanting to sleep at home will definitely change after my cat crosses over. I travelled for work all the time when he was healthy and younger.

    I just need wording that makes it sound like a) I am capable of assessing when I need to stay overnight for job/political/client reasons; b) I still need some short term flexibility for the time that remains for my cat; c) in normal times I have the most flexible travel schedule ever so I don’t want this to turn into an assumption about me being weird about overnight travel forever.

    Reply ↓
    1. Educator*

      I would describe it as a temporary family situation that sometimes makes it more convenient for you to commute rather than spending the night away from home when you are so close. I would not mention the cat specifically because not everyone will get that. Honestly, it is hard for me to imagine an organization being upset that they don’t have to pay for a hotel. But you may miss out on valuable downtime with your coworkers, so it may be good to stay over sometimes when you are new.

      Reply ↓
    2. PP*

      I hope you can enjoy your time with your precious cat.

      Educator had great ideas.

      With anyone related to work, do not say you are talking about your cat, and try not to talk about your cat at all. Too many people just don’t get the importance of dear cats and other animal companion family members.

      Reply ↓
  94. Lady Alys*

    Does anyone know of a recorded resource geared towards new computer users that I could share with a remote volunteer who needs to share her screen during a Zoom call? She has a Macintosh computer, Monterey 12.7.6 OS, and she does not have the remotest idea what to do about the message that pops up, telling her she needs to grant permission for Zoom to use her screen. I do not know enough about Macintoshes to tell her how to address this problem, and we really need her to be able to screen-share to accomplish a fairly important task. Thank you!

    Reply ↓
    1. Caramel & Cheddar*

      Does Zoom not have documentation for Macs on their website? (Asking because I don’t use Zoom, so I have no idea.)

      Reply ↓
    2. Educator*

      I’m a Mac user. This is so basic that I would suggest live help rather than a recorded guide, which might feel overwhelming. Does she have anyone on her end who could help her, or might her local library have computer support hours? I work with a lot of people who are new to using computers, and the elementary school-aged members of their households are often my best helpers when it comes to initial setup.

      Reply ↓
  95. having the job search blues*

    I was laid off this week. This job didn’t pay well, and I often felt like I was being underutilized when I was working there, but I worked at this small company for five years. I held on to the job for so long because after grad school, I couldn’t find a job in the field my master’s is in for an entire soul-sucking year (and now the certification that I got with my masters has expired, because the time when I would have been able to renew it was oddly chaotic for me). I feel very isolated, and the job search advice I’m getting from family members assumes I’ll be able to jump right back in and directly use my masters, which I don’t think is feasible. The industry I was in for this job is having issues, and I don’t think it is a good place to return for me. It feels like I don’t have any marketable skills and I will never be hired again. Where do I go from here?

    Reply ↓
    1. Yes And*

      I’m sorry this is happening. Being laid off sucks. When it happened to me 20 years ago, I was able to stay in the same industry (which was my real goal) by broadening the scope of the work I was willing to do. I wound up starting over at entry level, but it turned into a flourishing new career, and lo these many years later, I’m a leader in my field. So it worked out in the long run, but those months I was unemployed, when I couldn’t see the future, were terrifying.

      Without knowing more about your industry, your masters, or your former position, it’s hard to give any concrete tips. Can you use this down time to re-up your expired certification?

      Reply ↓
  96. Didn't Spit In Your Coffee*

    Hello! I’m the person who wrote in about the girl who thought I spit in her coffee. I’ll have to submit an update soon, but it’s not very eventful. Unfortunately, the “supportive manager” I talked about has turned verbally abusive, and the friends I had in my corner are no longer with the company.

    I’m currently on the job hunt and having trouble finding positions that are relevant to me. I’d really appreciate if anyone has some ideas on appropriate keywords.

    My current role is a “leadership development content manager,” but it’s not traditional learning management (knowledge base, modules) or content (which is typically centered around social media).

    My responsibilities have expanded by quite a lot since I took this position; I run project management, communications strategy/management, and content strategy/management for my team.

    Our main project is an annual global leadership development conference, but I also focus on developing leaders within the organization and have managed and contributed to strategic projects that have increased the effectiveness of coaching conversations and operational efficiency.

    “Content Strategy / Content Management / Content Development” mostly seems to pull social media management, and everything that I’m finding that’s remotely close to what I’m doing is director or senior level with 10+ years of experience required. I am an individual contributor, have been doing what I do for two years, and was in Workforce Management for one year before that. Everything prior was entry-level.

    I am also open to a new career path that uses these skills, but I have a limited understanding of what is out there. I am hesitant to look into project management or communications management jobs even though I have the experience because I have done a lot of “starting at the bottom” and taking pay cuts to get to where I am.

    Thank you for listening, and thank you again if you have any insight that can help.

    Reply ↓
    1. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      I think you want to start with Leadership Training, since it’s qualitatively different than most generic training/curriculum development stuff and should significantly cut down on the amount of posting you need to wade through.

      It’s also probably assumed that Leadership Training has a lot of modalities – seminars, presentations, asynchronous followup work – and that there’s a high level of touch involved with the customer. You aren’t just setting up the “How to avoid ladder accidents” class and running it on autopilot, you are working with senior management to shape the material and implement it on the calendar that works for each organization.

      Reply ↓
      1. Didn't Spit In Your Coffee*

        Yes, thank you, this is a great place to start. I have been using “leadership development,” but switching out “development” for “training” looks slightly more promising.

        You are very correct about the scope of work required for my position; it’s much broader than what I’ve been finding.

        Reply ↓
  97. newtb*

    I might be having an early midlife crisis, but does anyone have any positive experiences quitting your reliable office job in the US and doing something like — enrolling in a university program in Europe you’ve always wanted to do? I am feeling so unfulfilled and scared I’m wasting my one precious life waiting for “someday when I’m retired” when there’s no guarantee that day will ever come. If I got hit by a bus today, I think I’d feel regretful about things I always wanted to do but didn’t.

    Reply ↓
    1. ShazamIT*

      Before you blow up your professional bridges, consider a long vacation or a leave of absence or some regular therapy appointments. I’ve seen people exit everything and then have to ruefully come back a year later. Sometimes just quitting your job doesn’t bring the fullfillment that’s missing into your life.

      Google the Ikigai Venn chart – it’s about balancing

      1. What you’re good at,

      2. What you can get paid for,

      3. What your passionate about and

      4. What the world needs .

      You can use it to find what’s missing in your life and then decide, maybe its a hobby that fills in the empty space, maybe its volunteering to meet some of the categories that are less full, maybe it’s a career change.

      Reply ↓
    2. Victor WembanLlama*

      I didnt’ do exactly that, but a few years ago I quit my reliable office job just because I was burned out. I wound up taking 18 months off doing this and that including lots of traveling.

      So I’d say go for it, assuming of course you can afford it.

      Reply ↓
    3. Pentapus*

      my partner quit his high paying job to pursue a dream, but ultimately useless, uni degree. he very much enjoyed the break.

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    4. Hlao-roo*

      Not personally, but you could check out these older posts:

      “how do I reconcile my heart and my brain when making big career decisions?” from July 29, 2019

      “let’s talk about mid-life career changes” from May 28, 2020

      (I haven’t read through the mid-life career changes in a while, so I don’t remember how many of them are “leave reliable office job for university in Europe/glamorous but under-paid career” vs how many are “leave reliable office job in field X for reliable office job in field Y” but there may be some useful info there.)

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  98. NN*

    I want to tell an ex-boss that I am no longer interested in coming back to work with them, since my priorities (re: schedules, rest times, commuting) have greatly changed since then. However, I was so eager to resume working at ex-job until not long ago, that I find it hard to explain that I am leaving a job at a 4 star hotel close to my home to go to a farther away, 1 star Hostal. And not burning the bridge in case I want to come back to Hotel A some day!

    To give more context about the whole situation (tw: suicide):
    Some months ago, my temporal contract at Hotel A ended. They were very happy with my work, and I was very happy with them, so we agreed to keep in contact and to resume my work there as soon as a position ended, which could probably happen in some months. Since then they have reached to me several times, but the position was still not open. Since this situation could continue for even more months, I found another job at Hostel B. And today, I received a lost call from Hotel A.
    However, my life has turned a complete 180º and the good conditions they had, now are not appealing to me. My new job, though I’ve only been there for 3-4 days, has a stable 9 to 6 schedule, around the same salary (even if it Hostel B has 3 stars less than my previous job), my reception is digital (not physical), and work seems less hectic. Now I have time to go to the bathroom and to eat a full tupper! Hotel A was very good and I felt very appreciated, but returning means having morning, afternoon or even night shifts, being very limited resting time, and inconvenient commuting in a few months. The reasons? I’m mourning my father’s suicide, my landlord moved in with me and my partner (my third roommate, who we got along with greatly, is running away from this living situation), we are looking to also run away by buying a house somewhere with the money of the inheritance in another part of the city, since my preferred (and current) neighbourhood apparently is now built in gold and out of our budget.
    Since I was so eager and enthusiastic about coming back before all of this happened, I’m finding it hard to navigate telling them that I might not come back, and even more, for a job that doesn’t seem to be as prestigious as Hotel A. Tbh, I accepted the new job at Hostel B right when it was offered to me in the midst of my Christmas blues. I know I’ve been here for only some days, and I don’t know how it will pan out, but I still like it for now. Regarding Hotel A’s job offer, some people have suggested negotiating better terms, but I can’t ask to have a more stable and hectic-less schedule without changing the whole way Hotel A works (3 receptionists per day, only 1 per turn. Work is hectic enough for 1 person, but it’s boring and insufficient for 2), nor I can demand to have more breaks when someone must always be at the reception desk. But I did love working there just some months ago, and I may love to work there again… just not now. I just need some stability and to not have all these life changing decisions thrown right now at me!

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    1. Lemons*

      Sometimes you just need to choose stability.

      You don’t need to tell Hotel A anything about your current work at Hostel B, and you don’t need to give them a ‘good enough’ reason why you’re staying there. I’d use some version of
      “thanks for keeping me in mind, my situation has changed since we last spoke, and I’m not looking to return at this time. I’d love to discuss working together again in the future.”

      I’m so sorry about your dad. <3

      Reply ↓
    2. Cordelia*

      I think you might be overthinking this, understandable given the stress you are under. This is not a big deal. You can just say “thankyou for the offer, but I am happy where I am currently, the schedule suits me better”.

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  99. Tiredofit all*

    Asking for a desperate friend who is a federal employee, does anyone have a medical condition that requires remote work? TIA

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  100. Mid*

    How do you know how much capital you have at work/how hard you can push for things?

    This is more a general/theoretical question than a specific scenario. Sometimes it’s pretty clear (e.g. if you’ve been at a job for 6 hours, you probably shouldn’t be demanding massive policy changes, and if you’re the biggest rainmaker with a decade long track record, you can ask for anything short of the moon) but I feel like there’s a lot of grey areas to this too.

    Reply ↓

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