updates: martial arts at work, coworker hates me, and more

by Alison Green on January 2, 2025

Here are five updates from past letter-writers.

1. Is it weird to incorporate martial arts at my job? (first update)

I’ve got one more update for you.

You know how I mentioned contamination risks? We ended up having a contamination issue (unrelated to the question I asked) that took over a year to recover from. That, combined with a long commute, an average of 45 hour weeks with little notice when I’d have to stay late (including weekend shifts on a lot of the ones that exceeded 45), pressure to cut down on the overtime with no relaxation of deadlines to compensate, and quite a bit of personal stuff made for a really rough time. I was also stuck in the job for the duration due to the golden handcuffs of benefits that perfectly aligned with my needs for dealing with the personal stuff.

I tried to somewhat tone down my martial arts influenced movements, but I was limited in how much I could since many of those movements could actually be adapted to really help my endurance while replacing everything in the building except most of the walls, performing a crazy amount of cleaning, and inspecting everything at the end to ensure the highest contamination risks had been addressed. (We had contractors for the wall replacement and other construction work but we had to do pretty much all the other labor.) I also needed to frequently stim to regulate my emotions during this stressful time (as I said in my update, I’m probably autistic, though I currently see little benefit to seeking a formal evaluation), so that also made it harder to tone it down.

But that’s all leading up to some good news: I’ve left and am now at my first true office job! It’s great, with consistent 40 hour weeks, flexible hours, hybrid wfh, and work that I am passionate about and find interesting. Though I’m still sometimes tempted to do a stance or something at my sit-stand desk when my body is craving something more dynamic than sitting or normal standing, I’ve so far been able to limit it to being unusually smooth when I kneel down to get something from the low drawer in a filing cabinet (maybe happens a couple times a month) and occasionally (<1x/week) spending 5 minutes practicing a stance or other technique that won’t take up much room in the bathroom, as a break. Pretty soon my wfh will start and I’ll have a couple days a week to be as weird as I want when I’m not on a call, so I don’t forsee having any issues with coworkers seeing me the way that first comment section was worried about.

2. Why does my coworker hate me?

Since writing that letter, things seemed to temporarily spiral with my coworker. I ignored her rude behavior and tried to focus on my other relationships, but ultimately, things came to a head when she accidentally sent me a Teams message that was intended for another coworker. The content of the message was gossip about me, which confirmed my suspicions that she disliked me. I stood up for myself by saying her that her message was unprofessional and disrespectful.

I also went to my manager with screenshots of the unintended message, her rude interactions with me, and the job postings she sent. I told her that my colleague’s treatment of me needed to be flagged because she would treat the next person that she disliked this way, and it was interfering with my morale. Unfortunately, my manager seemed to brush it off — she framed it as a personality issue and ignored that it was beginning to interfere with work. That was also disappointing.

Luckily, I got accepted to graduate school around this time. Additionally, my firm underwent some restructuring as several people had resigned. My coworker and I began working on separate teams, so we didn’t have to constantly collaborate anymore. I ended up really enjoying my last few months there!

To this day, I am still unsure why my colleague disliked me. However, based on past interactions with her, I suspect she is an insecure person who had some sort of envy towards me. I don’t know what she would be envious of, but that’s my best guess.

3. Will having two two-year job stints damage my career? (#5 at the link)

I am incredibly grateful for your decision to publish my letter. When I wrote it, I was feeling hopeless. Your advice and the supportive comments from readers have been a tremendous source of comfort.

Many readers asked if a two-year stint is normal in my industry. Initially, I thought it wasn’t. However, after researching the LinkedIn profiles of industry veterans I admire, I discovered that many have had similar short-term positions. Some even had one-year stints and went on to prestigious roles.

This revelation completely changed my perspective on my resume. I no longer feel ashamed or hopeless about my career. I had valid reasons for leaving my previous employer after enduring two years of workplace abuse. Despite the short stint, I still deserve a fulfilling career.

4. I’m the weakest link on my team

Many thanks to you and to the commenters for such an encouraging response. I am still in my current position, but I feel better about it. As several commenters spotted, I have depression, and that was seriously coloring my perception of my place on the team. I’m not the weakest link. Like everyone on my team, I have areas of strength and weaknesses. I never complete the most work, but I don’t always complete the least. I lamented in my letter that a new hire was assigned to redo my work, but in retrospect that was because it was an easy task for her since my mistakes were minor. I’ve had some successful projects in the past few months and that has helped me recognize the value I am bringing. I’m solving my problems more independently and getting more comfortable asking about the things I still need to understand. It turns out other members of my team had many of the same confusions I had!

That said, I’m still not really thriving in this position. My moody manager makes it hard to keep this positive mindset. Also, unusually for people in my field, I spend 20% of my time directly interfacing with customers and I still feel completely unprepared and unsuited for that. My friends echo your advice and urge me to apply to other positions where I’ll be happier. I’m not enthusiastic about the idea, because it was so hard for me to get to this place of confidence and I don’t want to start from scratch again! But I’ve committed to at least getting my resume in shape, so we’ll see.

5. Am I being a brat about not getting promoted?

As the commenters suggested, I did go back to my boss to ask for more feedback and/or a plan for giving me more interesting work, as he had promised. He completely blew me off, which was pretty out of character for him after years of (I thought) supporting me, and only added to my confusion and disillusionment. It eventually came out that the person who was hired was a long-time friend of my boss, who had left a previous position after a high-profile spat with leadership and ended up in a new job she didn’t like. I think he was assuming I would get over it and keep doing my job without complaint, and he hoped the whole thing would just blow over.

I had already started looking for a new job in earnest, and I got an offer one month to the day after I got the news about the promotion. Of course, my boss and grandboss were SHOCKED that I was leaving, especially so soon. After the announcement went out that I was leaving, rumors started to spread about the circumstances of the new person’s hire (which I did NOT start or encourage) and my departure was on kind of a sour note, unfortunately. I don’t think there was much I could have done to change that, but it was a bummer after years of good work.

I’ve now been at my new company for a few months and it’s a breath of fresh air. The work is more interesting, I make more money, I have a much better title, and there’s SO much less drama. I talked to a former coworker recently and it sounds like the person who was hired is not doing great. She has a lot of experience with the general type of work, but not in the specific industry, and she keeps making bad decisions because she doesn’t understand the full context and apparently won’t listen to the people who do. As I’m writing this, I feel like it will seem made up because of the sheer number of AAM tropes involved, but it truly happened in the most stereotypical way possible.

Ultimately, I know I dodged a bullet, and although it was a crappy experience I am grateful to have landed in a good place. Many thanks to you and the commenters for your advice and commiseration!

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{ 85 comments }

{ 85 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Antilles*

    #5: I like how the boss/grandboss were SHOCKED by the departure after passing over “a very strong candidate with lots of internal support” to instead hire a “long-time friend of the boss” with no industry-specific experience.
    Truly unexpected, no possible way they could have foreseen OP’s departure here.

    Reply ↓
        1. Paint N Drip*

          +100
          They don’t see that the performance is related to the future possibilities, if the employer shows their hand that they don’t intend to reward strong performance.. well guess thems the breaks boss

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        2. LifebeforeCorona*

          That happened to me, I was good at my job, and filled in the manager position when they unexpectedly resigned. After doing both job during the pandemic, they chose to hire a less experienced person from the outside. There were a few surprised faces when I left for another job. Really?

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      2. Observer*

        Either they wildly overestimated how much OP liked their current job, or they underestimated the job market.

        Or both.

        More likely, I think, is a little bit of both and a LOT of delusional thinking about the whole relationship + head in the sand thinking.

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    2. CommanderBanana*

      Management: does everything possible to drive away employees
      Employees: quit
      Management: *shocked Pikachu face*

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      1. Momma Bear*

        Exactly. I’m glad OP found a better role. While I’m sorry that the office gossip shadowed OP’s last bit of time at the company, I think it also underscores that Management is not as subtle as they often think they are, and people are not blind. The company made a choice, and now they have to live with the fallout.

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        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          I think it also underscores how much support OP actually had internally as well that somebody else heard that management was giving OP the shaft and felt they just couldn’t keep quiet about it so somebody else didn’t get blindsided like OP did.

          The fact that it cast a shadow on the end of OP’s time there was sadly collateral damage.

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    3. MagicEyes*

      We’re getting ready to go through this at my job. My coworker wasn’t given a promotion she deserved, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she leaves soon. Instead, the department head/management position is being given to an admin assistant who has worked with us less than two years. It’s going to be bad for her because she’s in way over her head, and it’s bad for everyone who has to work with her, especially the people she’ll be supervising.

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      1. LifebeforeCorona*

        Wow, all you can do is burn the microwave popcorn and watch the circus play out. I wonder why someone would accept a job that is so much above their abilities. Were they mislead about the job? Or assured that others would pick up the slack and teach them?

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        1. MagicEyes*

          I know it’s going to be wild, but I’m going to try to tough it out for a few more years at this job so I can retire a little earlier. I’m wondering if she’s the kind of person who charms other people into doing a lot of her work. The other thing that might be going on here is that I think maybe outgoing Big Boss wants to fold this department into another one, so she wouldn’t be a department head then.

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    4. OrangeCup*

      The very definition of “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”. Or perhaps, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results. Management just can’t help shooting themselves in the foot over and over again no matter what industry we talk about!

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      1. Yankees fans are awesome*

        That’s an unfair generalization about management. There are plenty of really good managers in every industry; see current weblog writer as example.

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    5. Generic Name*

      For real. I had a Last Straw moment at my last job. My boss and higher ups knew I was upset; my boss even told me I needed to “eventually move on from this”. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “Yes. I will move on.” I already had several interviews by that point and was gone within a few months. Management was still surprised when I put in my 2 weeks.

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    6. Lenora Rose*

      Honestly, being passed over for one promotion, there could be extenuating circumstances. But the boss following this up by outright brushing off their employee’s desire for feedback and more interesting work (which had been promised!) is the proof this wasn’t a one-time aberration and it’s time to go.

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      1. Falling Diphthong*

        “What’re they going to do, quit?”
        “Yup. They are walking out the door right now.”
        “Inconceivable!”

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          1. Cj*

            since inconceivable means “incapable of being imagined or grasped”, I think they are using the word in exactly the right way.

            should management be able to imagine or grasp that an employee in this situation would leave? sure, but the whole point is that they don’t.

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      2. Kevin Sours*

        The thing about passing somebody over for promotion is that even if it’s 100% the right move for the business it strongly indicates a disconnect between the interests of the business and the interests of the employee. There is no reason for an employee to “wait their turn” for a promotion — especially if they were bypassed for an outside candidate.

        You have to expect that people who are ready to be promoted are going to be looking for opportunities after you have so strongly communicated that you don’t have any for them.

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        1. Yankees fans are awesome*

          Some employees should never be promoted to anything. See multitudes of letters here about bad-acting bosses and co-workers as examples.

          That’s why hiring external candidates makes solid sense in many cases. Genuinely great references, metrics showing professional growth, good insight, etc.

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          1. Kevin Sours*

            Sure. Like I said it can make 100% sense for a business to pass somebody over for an external candidate. The point is good intentions don’t really matter here. The employee needs to look after their own interests and you’ve just told them that the interests of the business are not compatible with theirs. That’s going to spur people to act.

            You don’t have care, but you shouldn’t be surprised when people listen.

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    7. Green Mug*

      It’s my favorite part of the story. The upper management is shocked when high performers are treated poorly and leave the company. That person was smart to get out.

      Reply ↓
  2. Smithy*

    #5 always reminds me of getting stuck in fighting for prizes not worth winning.

    So many people work really hard at their job, and are so well positioned to be a shoe-in or highly competitive for a promotion or more senior roles. And it can get really easy to have a singular focus on just that opportunity and stop asking if that specific opportunity at this specific employer is actually something you want? Like do you actually want to manage your current team, or do you just know you’ve put in the time and work to be a team’s manager?

    When the answer to those questions is yes, then that’s really helpful information. But for so many of us, it can be so easy to get caught up in feeling like we’re not getting what we genuinely deserve to ask ourselves if it’s even something we want. Or even if it is something we want, might that desire also be met elsewhere?

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    1. Delta Delta*

      This comment reminds me of the Festivus episode of Seinfeld, where Elaine is trying to meet up with Denim Vest so she can get back her sub club card so she can get a free sub. She didn’t want to go out with the guy, and the subs weren’t good, but she wanted her free sub.

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    2. Glitsy Gus*

      I’m dealing with that right now. I need to decide if I want to take on a Lead role at my current job, and, while I do like some of the more managerial tasks I’ve taken on, I am really not sure if I want to actually be a People Manager of this group. They are all good people, but there are some difficult situations that I am not sure are worth the small pay boost. I don’t think there is a WRONG answer here, just a “what will be best for me” answer.

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  3. Bonkers*

    I’m getting a balance board in the next couple of days – pretty excited to see if/how it helps incorporate a bit of movement in my day. Like the first updater, I find it really tiring to statically stand at my standing desk, but also get really stiff when I sit for too long. I have a walking pad under my desk for WFH days, but really want something that can be used in an office. Hopefully colleagues don’t think the balance board is too odd…

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    2. RedinSC*

      We have that at home, and falling is a real risk, and I think the office risk people wouldn’t really want to see that in an actually office.

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      1. Lenora Rose*

        I’m looking at the ones online, and not only are they actively designed for office work, they don’t look like they’re curved enough to make falling over a risk unless you’re dealing with an actual disability. Are you sure we’re talking about the same kind of balance board?

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        1. Lenora Rose*

          oh – as I noted below, I checked again, and without the word office, the things that come up — as exercise equipment — are completely different. So I’m adding a link to another thread below to the office version, because the image of standing on the fitness equipment version of balance board at a desk is genuinely alarming, but the office ones are pretty harmless!

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    3. A Simple Narwhal*

      I read something years ago that if you like to shake your leg (or make some similar movement) while sitting, just standing at a desk means you miss out on the stimulation that fidgeting while sitting provides. But a balance board can really help scratch that itch! Or even standing pads that have different terrains for your foot to play around with if you want/need something static.

      I found that fascinating and it explained why I never wanted to use my standing desk, it was mentally boring in a way I couldn’t describe.

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      1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        I am a super fidgeter and lost custody of my chair (to my dogs) three years ago, and have been working 100% at a standing desk ever since — and I end up shifting my weight back and forth as I stand, to the point where I had to leave my camera off with my old boss because it made her mildly seasick. Heh.

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        1. Nah*

          Grandma has an office desk at her house that was converted from an old sewing machine (when they were built into the tables themselves), and the large rocking push pedal that operates the wheel was left intact. I (and the rest of the family!) was using it for stimming decades before anyone really knew stimming was a thing!

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      2. Liana*

        I put yoga blocks under my desk a couple months ago to make the whole situation more of a 90 degrees legs ergonomic setup and was totally jazzed to find out they are a fantastic fidget. You can flip them onto the different edges with your feet, or just like smash your feet into them cuz they’re a little squishy and springy, I wish I’d done it years ago.

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    4. FashionablyEvil*

      Don’t use it when you’re on camera—I have a colleague who was in a rocking chair and watching him move made me feel seasick.

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      1. allathian*

        One of my coworkers has a mini treadmill under her standing desk at jome. Sure, she gets her 10k steps in during the workday, but looking at her makes me feel seasick. I use a post-it note to cover her pic in meetings. Thankfully she’s started to go to the office more often, no treadmills there…

        Reply ↓
      1. Lenora Rose*

        Those are way more of a fall risk than the office balance boards I was looking at. So I checked again, and without the word office, the things that come up — as exercise equipment — are completely different. So I’m going to add a link to the office version in the next comment, because the image of standing on the fitness equipment version of balance board at a desk is genuinely alarming!

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          1. Jen with one n*

            I have that exact balance board at home, and it’s very stable. I don’t use it nearly enough, but have debated bringing it into the office!

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        2. The Gollux, Not a Mere Device*

          I used to use a balance board at the gym, when my balance was better that it is now. I’m not just out of practice: PT can only do so much for neurological problems.

          I wonder whether the office kind of balance board is safe for someone with my disability issues. Unless someone here happens to have the answer, I’ll save the question for my neurologist and/or the MS nurse.

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          1. Mid*

            Maybe instead of a full balance board, you could look at a thick gel mat, or a foam balance pad? It would allow extra movement while standing, with (likely) way less fall risk.

            Reply ↓
  4. Elizabeth West*

    she framed it as a personality issue and ignored that it was beginning to interfere with work

    #2 not only had an unpleasant coworker, but a sucky boss. Thank goodness OP is done with them both now. On to bigger and better things!

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    2. Strive to Excel*

      In a sense it was a personality issue. But only in the sense that Coworker was letting her personal feelings overrode her work behavior without actually assessing if the feelings were valid. Or if it was reasonable behavior. And that should have been *shut down*.

      Sometimes people drive us up the wall for no good reason, and we need to learn how to deal with that in a work context.

      Reply ↓
      1. Elizabeth West*

        We do, and managers also need to manage. This one did not!

        Also, is it me, or does “personality issue” seem to be rather gendered? Do we have letters from men who have conflicts with coworkers that get dismissed as personality issues?

        Reply ↓
        2. Paint N Drip*

          I swear the venn diagram of women having workplace conflict and their bosses labeling it ‘personality’ is nearly a fully overlapping circle

          Reply ↓
        3. Glitsy Gus*

          I know there have been men in that boat in the past, but I do think the number of times a woman having an issue with another woman being dismissed as a “personality issue” are much higher than M/F or M/M situations.

          I also wonder if this is also a question of women being a bit more socially comfortable with raising these kinds of issues with managers? Not downplaying the possible misogyny, just wondering if our gendered social training also impacts this.

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      2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        Yes, it was coworker’s personality. She was an insecure person who reacted childishly in situation.s

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    3. OrangeCup*

      Yep! I’ve been there. A lying, weasel of a coworker who was a bully, badmouthed me to people and then whined that I didn’t want to be her friend. Me not wanting to be around her was all that was saving her from getting popped in the mouth (sarcasm!) Our boss was acting like it was me causing all the conflict when it was not. When I started trying to point out what was going on I got accused of playing the blame game. You have no choice but to leave a job when you are surrounded by y people with such whacky views of reality and weak leadership.

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    4. NotAnotherManager!*

      Yeah, I’ve dealt with this exact situation. It’s not even a difficult conversation to have with the rude coworker, especially with written proof – this is not how we behave toward our colleagues. You don’t have to like everyone, but you do have to be professional and polite to them. I’m not running a junior high, be an adult.

      Reply ↓
    1. Elizabeth West*

      I had a coworker do something similar to me once. I was hired to replace her when she moved up from low-level CSR to an inside sales position — but she didn’t like the new job and wanted to return to my job. She began a systematic hate campaign to get me to quit. I did not quit. Thankfully, my boss put a stop to it and she ended up dramatically disappearing for a few days, then tendering her resignation. I think she had some stressful ex/custody issues and that probably contributed to her acting out.

      (That is, I did not quit then, anyway, though I did leave voluntarily a year or so later, with a rather nice farewell potluck send-off.)

      Reply ↓
  6. A Simple Narwhal*

    Congrats to #5! It sounds like you gave things a fair shake and your boss/company thought you would just keep being an overachiever for free.

    I am curious about the rumors that soured your departure – it doesn’t sound like they were about you specifically, is it just that having rumors about the new person’s hiring cast a shadow over things in general?

    Either way, congrats on the new role! And feel free to enjoy some schadenfreude about things not going great at the old company.

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  7. Irish Teacher.*

    LW2, looking back at your original post, if I had to guess, I’d guess that the coworker was threatened by you. I think you mentioned the boss loving her, so I think it’s possible she may have feared losing some of his/her favour if a new young person similar in age and qualifications to her joined the firm.

    But yeah, the boss sounds like almost the bigger problem here, dismissing it.

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  8. Hlao-roo*

    Letter #1 – thanks for this extra update! I’m glad you’re out of your stressful job. The amount of in-office movement/stances you’re doing sounds within the realm of office normal to me.

    Reply ↓
    1. Carole from Accounts*

      This! I’m so happy to hear an update, and so happy you are doing better in a better environment.

      Reply ↓
    2. Paint N Drip*

      this LW is so endearing to me, and definitely not ‘too weird’ for most offices. Wish them the best of luck and hope to channel some of that physical fitness for myself this year

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    3. allathian*

      I think they’d fit right in at my office. Before Christmas I saw one coworker stretch by doing the splits with one leg up against the wall, she was wearing leggings. Another regularly puts his laptop on the floor and types in a deep squat for up to 30 minutes at a time, although I’m glad he doesn’t attend meetings that way!

      I limit myself to mild stretches like rolling my shoulders, and standing in the basic tai chi stance while waiting for the vending machine to make my coffee.

      Twice a week my employer offers 10-minute exercise sessions led by an occupational health physiotherapist, so taking short exercise breaks during the day is absolutely NBD.

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  9. CubeFarmer*

    Glad LW#2 found a better fit. It sucks to be in the presence of a pissy coworker, but sometimes that’s what we get stuck with. At the very least, she should have apologized for the missent Teams message and owned her insecurities.

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  10. KateM*

    Speaking about AAM tropes, why isn’t there an AAM article in tvtropes?? I did find a link under “living emotional crutch”, but I’m sure there would be more.

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    1. Falling Diphthong*

      Given AAM fanfic is a thing (with heavy Hench cross-over) one would think this would exist.

      • Your boss sucks and isn’t going to change.
      • Hey, wait, this one actually is illegal!
      • Sometimes, the answer is to take the box of records to a crossroads and burn them at midnight.

      Reply ↓
        1. Hlao-roo*

          See the story titled Sin 5: Reign of Fire from the “your 7 biggest career sins” post of May 8, 2014.

          I’ll link in a follow-up comment.

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            1. Valancy Stirling*

              Ohhhhh my god. This is greatness. I’ve only ever fantasized about setting work stuff on fire, I’m amazed that someone actually did it. Thank you!

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        2. WellRed*

          I’m guessing it refers to the nonprofit worker who was stuck trying to figure out how to accept a “donation” of a timeshare and wound up setting all the paperwork on fire down a dirt road so she didn’t have to deal with it.

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          1. LifebeforeCorona*

            That idea has occurred to me once or twice since I read that letter. I saw my manager dealing with stacks of end of year paperwork, real paper not digital in any sense of the word and I wanted to tell her that story. We’re located withing walking distance of a large body of water with large rocks along the shoreline…

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  11. Glitsy Gus*

    OP#1 Congratulations on the new job!!
    You have heard from everyone already about certain things being inappropriate and forms possibly being distracting. That said, if you are doing something less showy, say, horse stance while working at a lower-than-comfortable table, that probably won’t read as all that weird. A little Different, maybe, but not bizarre. If anyone asks, you can just say, “It feels best for my back.” Everyone does something odd in those situations, and if squatting a bit just hurts less than hunching over like a gremlin (what I do… probably not the best solution), that won’t seem all that strange.

    Basically, I think you’re on the right track to tone things down, keep paying attention to the culture around you and follow the leads given, but also take care of your body when necessary. Hopefully your days of needing to spend time on the floor are over, and having your WFH days will give you time where you can fly your flag in your own home.

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  12. DogRiverFunDays*

    w/r/t #1: my boss sometimes walks around the office and leans on the desk of the person he’s speaking to. When he does this, the stance he chooses is to spread his feet really wide apart and bend straight forward to put his elbows on the desk. The resulting position is … personally not something I would ever do anywhere public except a yoga class. I promise he’s just weird and not sexually harassing, but it does make me a little uncomfortable!

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  13. Patty Mayonnaise*

    #4 – just want to point out that if you look for a new job, you won’t be starting at square one – you’re bringing the experience from your current job with you. Plus the contacts you have made might help you get a job now or in the future. It might not feel like you are in a different situation, but you are bringing more to the table than before.

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  15. MouseMouseMouse*

    LW#4, rest assured you’re not starting at square one. Your letter was dated June 2024, so you’ve been at your job for at least two years and six months. That is a substantial amount of time! You haven’t been doing no work at all — in fact, you’ve greatly improved, by your own words. This is what job experience looks like.

    If you’re truly anxious about starting to job-search again and would like to remain where you are, then I think trying to change your perception of yourself as unsuited (or at least less competent than others) is probably the best path forward for your mental health.

    For reference, I’ll give an example of what someone who I would consider to be truly incompetent. This kind of colleague doesn’t answer emails or other communications for days at a time; goes weeks without actioning items that have specific SLAs; doesn’t ask questions and as a result turns in incomplete work; receives direct feedback but doesn’t action it; takes no initiative to address forthcoming or occuring problems; and is not praised by their manager (even if said manager is moody).

    We unfortunately have someone like this on our team right now, and they’re still here because our team doesn’t have the kind of metrics to show exactly how poorly they’re doing. But what makes them incompetent isn’t that they’re not intelligent, or not dedicated, or lack technical knowledge; it’s that they haven’t made any effort whatsoever to do their work, and show no self-awareness of this fact.

    Basically, the fact that you’re self-aware and working on improving already means you’re not incompetent! I hope you can internalize that. I’m someone you might label as a “high-performer”, and I promise you I will always prefer working with someone who knows where their gaps are and is trying to improve.

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  16. Inkognyto*

    #4 a someone who’s been laid off.

    Best time to look for a new position is while you have one. You are less desperate to take job because you have to pay the bills even if it’s not ideal. Or you feel like you need to get out now. Job searches take time.

    Remember all the advice here and you are interviewing them, as much as you.

    I’m happy in my current position but I still do an interview or two a year to keep in practice and one of them was a great position that they got to the offer stage, but I turned down as they were low balling everyone. It was the one red flag when I asked how long the position was open it was was 1.5 years. When a person tells you salary requirements stop low balling if you want to fill it. I guess it’s not that important to the org then.

    Reply ↓

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