weekend open thread – January 11-12, 2025

by Alison Green on January 10, 2025

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Long Bright River, by Liz Moore. It’s SO GOOD! It’s the story of two sisters, close as children but estranged as adults. When one becomes a police officer while the other struggles with addiction. When the younger sister goes missing, the other tries to find her. I thought this would be a gritty police procedural, which isn’t normally my thing, but it’s a beautifully layered literary exploration of family bonds and addiction that will get you right in the gut. The best book I’ve read in months. (Amazon, Bookshop)

* I earn a commission if you use those links.

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{ 48 comments }

{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    The weekend posts are for relatively light discussion — think office break room — and comments should ask questions and/or seek to discuss ideas. “Here’s what happened to me today” personal-blog-style posts will be removed (because they got out of control in the past). We also can’t do medical advice here.

    These threads are no politics.

    Please give the full rules a re-read.

    Reply ↓
    1. Falling Diphthong*

      The flying spaghetti monster is a real thing, the name given to a bathyphysa conifera. A carnivorous colonial creature that hangs out at great depth. (In a colonial organism a whole bunch of zooids are like “Hey, how about if we all hang out together and act like different parts of the same animal? Like Bob can be a tentacle.”)

      Reply ↓
    2. theinone*

      I’m in a very small organic chemistry lab this term (8 people per lab session, I think 48 students overall in the class) and I am inordinately happy to have my own drawer of glassware in the lab for the term. It’s MY glassware, it has MY name on the drawer, nobody else can contaminate it by not washing it properly!

      I also turned 20 today, so that’s exciting. I never have to be a teenager again!

      Reply ↓
    3. chocolate muffins*

      I had a lovely lunch with a friend, which was its own joy, but also I showed up early and was exploring the area a bit and discovered a new-to-me cupcake shop. Yum! They were very patient with me while I figured out a somewhat reasonable number of things to buy (unfortunately I decided against buying everything in the store, which was my first impulse) and I am excited to try all of these treats.

      Reply ↓
    5. Aphrodite*

      A half-hour ago I donated $100 to the Pasadena Humane Society for the 400+ cats, dogs, bunnies they are selflessly treating. It has made me feel so good after yesterday being one of the worst days of my entire life. Now I have done good. I love it.

      Reply ↓
    6. goddessoftransitory*

      I’m finally getting over this damn cold that I managed to catch for the new year. I also got my hair cut after over two months and no longer look like I’m auditioning for the tomboy girl who wants to join the softball team in a seventies kid’s movie.

      Reply ↓
    7. Falling Diphthong*

      On Globle, I always start by guessing Mali. Approximately twice a year I get the thrill of getting the correct country on the first guess, which I experience all out of proportion to any skill involved: I completed the pattern with maximum efficiency, and that hits some sort of feedback loop.

      Today was one of those days.

      Reply ↓
    8. fallingleavesofnovember*

      Got back into my end-of-the-work week routine of going to the pool tonight. We still have our Christmas tree up, so I followed up my swim with reading while drinking my favourite gluten-free beer with all the twinkly lights and that wonderful balsam fir smell!

      Reply ↓
    9. Jenesis*

      I discord voicecalled with an old friend and we rewatched Gladiator together (and made my husband sit through it as well) in preparation to see Gladiator II before it leaves theaters.

      I then went wikidiving and found some hilarious facts about the background of the production. Did you know that queer giraffes are actually a thing?

      Reply ↓
    10. velveteen rabbit*

      1. I successfully beat back a cold before it really got a foothold by taking to my bed like a Regency heroine for a full day. Alas that I was not able to do it at the seaside, but one cannot have everything.

      2. After completely forgetting about it for 2+ years I dug out the San Francisco Giants fleece and made a very warm and snuggly throw blanket for a dear friend’s birthday. It was my first time making anything in a very long time and it turned out so well!

      3. Lemon curd exists and when made with Kerrygold butter it’s extra luscious.

      Reply ↓
    11. CTT*

      It snowed the exact right amount! I’m in the southeast US and snow either (1) is gone after six hours or (2) disastrous. We got an amount that (fingers crossed) looked pretty and was great for snowmen today and will stop being a problem by Sunday.

      Reply ↓
  3. Employee of the Bearimy*

    I’ve come up empty everywhere else, so I might as well ask here: Where can I buy men’s sweatpants/joggers with an extra long inseam? My oldest kid has a 33″-34″ inseam and most sweatpants seem to top out around 31″ and I have no idea why. And he’s a men’s M so “big and tall” cuts don’t really work. Thanks!

    Reply ↓
    1. Falling Diphthong*

      REI women’s, which is where we got them for my tall thin husband. Women’s legs tend to be longer than mens, apparently.

      Reply ↓
    2. literary mathematician*

      Lululemon has a variety of inseams… for men, anywhere from 27-37, although options are limited on the higher end. My 6’4″ husband (tall but not super big) has been happy with the options.

      Reply ↓
    3. beetlecat*

      American Tall! This 6’ gal finally found pants with 35” (and even 37”!) inseams. They also have men’s clothing on the site too but I can’t speak to exact inseam lengths there.

      Reply ↓
  4. Tradd*

    The California fires are a good reminder to have your important documents, photos, etc., backed up. Some people do physical copies spread out multiple places. I’m a digital gal. I use iCloud (Apple), Google Photos/Drive, and OneDrive (MS). I know some folks who don’t even backup the photos on their smartphone. When phone breaks, they’re in a bad way. So many people have a MS Office 365 subscription at home. You get 1TB (that’s a lot!) of storage space with the 365 subscription. The OneDrive app can easily back up your phones/documents on your phone, as well as on computer. The MS OneDrive/OneNotes for iOS are really nice. Redundancy is good, whatever your methods? How do you backup what’s important to you?

    Reply ↓
    1. Aphrodite*

      Paper, iCloud and two external hard drives for my Mac laptop. I don’t take photos with my basic phone so I have nothing on it that isn’t easily replaceable.

      Reply ↓
    2. goddessoftransitory*

      In a related topic–have at least some hard cash on hand for immediate needs. ATMs and the like often are not accessible during a disaster.

      Reply ↓
  5. chocolate muffins*

    What is a life lesson that you learned in 2024? How, if at all, are you wanting/hoping for that lesson to shape your upcoming year? I need to think more about my own answer to this question and would love to hear from all of you in the meantime!

    Reply ↓
    1. WellRed*

      I’ve learned to care less, particularly about these I can’t control, like certain work stuff but it applies in real life too. By caring less ( not about big things like the environment or society or whatever) I don’t ruminate or feel slights where none us intended.

      Reply ↓
    2. Falling Diphthong*

      Broad/societal: I can choose where I direct my attention. There is a lot of good around me, beauty, hope, people trying to improve one little local corner that is within their ability to affect: what if my view of the world was shaped by focusing on those things?

      Reply ↓
    3. Falling Diphthong*

      Personal: I need to get better at stepping back and looking at the big picture. Like if I’m having trouble doing X, is X a thing I even want to be doing?

      Reply ↓
    4. fallingleavesofnovember*

      I know it’s sort of cliche to say ‘to be kinder/ gentler with myself’ but I think 2024 was the year I finally started being able to do that, especially for a more extended period. I’ve been better able to accept that I can’t always do it all and it’s not a failure to sometimes take the easier path.

      Reply ↓
    5. EA*

      Being busy with fulfilling activities makes me more productive at work and a better parent. A big thing for me was realizing that not all “me time” is equal; while scrolling for hours might give me a break, it is way less helpful for my overall wellbeing that making time to do the exercise-related hobby that I’m passionate about. Prioritize and fight for those hobbies even if they seem expendable with so many other priorities.

      Reply ↓
  6. Nicosloanicota*

    Question for those who were single for a significant period of time as an adult, and later entered a long-term committed relationship: how do you feel now about that single time, when you look back? Maybe if you had to use a word to describe how you feel about it, what would word would you pick and why?

    Reply ↓
    1. Nicosloanicota*

      Context: I am someone who has mostly been single, trying to think about getting back out there, but change is hard and I’ve been comfortable the way things are, and worry I’ve gotten too set in my ways.

      Reply ↓
      1. Pickles*

        I’ve been living with my husband for 20 years and have two teens. I was mostly single until I was 30 and lived alone for several years. I miss it so much. I think about how peaceful my life was and my alone time everyday. I’m sure I will look back fondly on these busy times later. But I really miss my tidy, easy life.

        Reply ↓
    2. Begonia*

      I can’t pick one word. In some ways it was easier- I was responsible for fewer people, I could have lots of post-work activities. I lived a busy active life. I’m living a much less busy active life, logistics are more complicated (etc etc), but it’s also nice to have company, conversation etc. I try to grow where I’m planted, I guess.

      Reply ↓
  7. Msd*

    I watch a lot of HGTV especially House Hunters. Is anyone else annoyed by how many of the people are looking for houses “right on the beach”. It’s like they don’t even consider hurricanes. A recent episode was a family buying a house on the beach where the town was pretty much destroyed by a recent hurricane (the 3rd one in 10 years). I don’t get it. Well, I kind of do because the places are fabulous but still…..

    Reply ↓
    1. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Not really something I consider worth being annoyed at. And you know those shows are fake, right? The one they “choose” is the one they owned all along. And beach houses are probably popular. May have chosen to do the show to help pay off hurricane repairs or something.

      Reply ↓
      1. Msd*

        I know it’s fake but still watch it. I also like how most episodes end with a scene of the family happily playing together in the back yard. Probably the only time they do. A friend of mine was always flabbergasted at how many people jump into the tub, make jokes about the man not getting any closet space and the overuse of “make it our own”

        Reply ↓
  8. Jazz and Manhattans*

    I have two questions but will post them separately even though they are related.

    I love to crochet and cross-stitch but my neck is causing me big issues and I developed some nerve issues after a project that I did a lot in a short amount of time. I heard that there are glasses you can wear that allow you to keep your head straight but can see down – prism or belay glasses?? I would love some recommendations from people who have used them in a craft setting. (I’m in the U.S. for purchasing/shipping purposes)

    Reply ↓
  9. Jazz and Manhattans*

    I’ve had an issue with my neck for some time that was exacerbated by a short-term intense craft project that kept me looking down. I’m seeing a physical therapist and she suggested a posture shirt. She can’t recommend a brand herself so I’m seeking recommendations from people who have used one to help their posture. Of particular interest is if the size is true to other shirts you have worn. (I’m in the U.S. for purchasing/shipping purposes)

    Reply ↓
    1. My Brain is Exploding*

      Interesting, I went to a workshop by my myofascial release therapist (who is an occupational therapist) and she DOES NOT LIKE THEM. She prefers exercises and and stretches to improve your posture. Posture shirts might be good for short term use but you need to train your muscles and a posture shirt does all the work so you don’t have to, and could eventually get weaker muscles.

      Reply ↓
  10. Falling Diphthong*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    Missing You on Netflix, 5 episode thriller that opens with a police detective in the missing persons unit matches on a dating app with the fiancé who ghosted her 10 years ago. Various cases old and new percolate up. Stars Louisa from Slow Horses. I liked that the coincidences and small mistakes happened early in the timeline–that it was what set off events and caused someone to look over here.

    Squid Game Season 1. It’s really interesting to me that the two big hits to come out of South Korea recently–this and Parasite–are scathing indictments of capitalism.

    Reply ↓
    1. Jenesis*

      My Adventures with Superman, on Amazon Prime. I give it a recommendation if you like old (’90s/early aughts) superhero cartoons. The animation definitely feels older/more choppy than it ought to in 2023 and the plots are fairly simplistic, but 5 episodes in the characters are growing on me enough that I’m looking forward to seeing what happens to them. Also love that there are SO MANY POC and they’re not stereotyped either!

      Reply ↓
    2. My Brain is Exploding*

      Football, and as usual I am disappointed with it. Although my D3 football team did win the national championship, that’s it. Also The Irrational is back and I love it and I CAN’T WAIT for All Creatures Great and Small!

      Reply ↓
    3. Six Feldspar*

      The first series of the Brother Cadfael mysteries with Derek Jacobi – definitely recommend if you like British detective series and/or historical dramas and/or spotting baby actors.

      I’ve picked up Elementary again from the library – I loved the first series when it was showing for the first time but got distracted from the rest over the years, and it’s great to watch again and remember how much I enjoyed it. Added bonus: Johnny Lee Miller appears in the Cadfael series as a very young actor.

      Reply ↓
  11. fallingleavesofnovember*

    Anyone done a European River cruise and have any tips? I (mid 30s) am planning to go with my (early 70s) Mum. I’ve travelled quite a bit, including in Europe, and so has she, but she is a lot less mobile than before. we are mostly looking at Danube River cruises. There are so many companies, my head is spinning!

    Reply ↓
    1. Aphrodite*

      You might want to check out “Tips for Travelers.” He is a constant cruiser, and he has done river cruises.

      Reply ↓
  12. anontoday*

    Not looking for medical advice, just emotional support around a medical issue. I’ve had gynecological problems ever since I began menstruating, and recently they’ve become somewhat debilitating for me because they’re exacerbating another chronic illness I have. I went to my gynecologist on Thursday and asked about doing a hysterectomy and she said we could do that and recommended taking the uterus, cervix, tubes, and one ovary. She noted that if I want to have a child with my egg through surrogacy, we would need to leave both ovaries. I’ve known for a long time that I don’t ever want to carry a pregnancy, and honestly I hadn’t thought that I would want to use my eggs before this conversation. I think getting one ovary removed is still right for me as ovulation is the most painful and symptomatic part of the menstrual cycle for me, so I don’t think I could tolerate the process of egg retrieval anyway, and before this conversation I had always felt that having a child that is biologically related to me is not important for me. I’m queer and nonbinary, so the idea of birthing a child myself already felt unnecessary and kind of gave me the ick. But I was a bit taken aback when I walked out of the doctor’s office with the orders for a hysterectomy. As a childless 25-year-old, I thought I would have to fight for it more. It felt like pushing hard against a door and all of a sudden it opens and you fall over.

    I think having the surgery could only change my life for the better – it will potentially help with symptoms, and it effectively doesn’t change my family planning. But I think I felt better about not having children that are biologically mine when it was because of how I am choosing to build a family, whereas eliminating the possibility medically feels like there’s something broken about me.

    I also just want to note that I won’t have the surgery until this summer, so there’s plenty of time for me to think it over.

    Reply ↓
  13. Six Feldspar*

    What are we cooking lately?

    I made the Poor Man’s Icecream from Dylan B Hollis last week and it’s delicious but I’m glad I cut down the sugar.

    Reply ↓

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